#again I apologize if this is disheartening but I wanted to be honest

[galoogamelady]

What was it like first getting into freelance art as a career? Do you have any tips/tricks/advice for people who are looking to pursue this particular field in the near future (aka me...................)?

This might be depressing to hear but my personal and short advice is: don't expect to live off of it. Certainly not in the US. I moved to this country because my husband lived here and thankfully he is able to support both of us with his (not art related) full time job. If it wasn't for him, I don't think I could stay afloat in the US from my current freelancing. I could make due back in Hungary where I'm originally from, but I'm not quite sure how people over here do this all on their own without any sort of support or at least a 50-50 with a partner, friend or family. Again, I'm sorry if this is disappointing but I also don't want to lie and make it look like I'm some bigshot bringing in mad cashmoney by doing whatever I want. Most of the things we have are possible because my husband is a hard worker and we're fairly frugal and conservative with our spending.

I assume those who live off of freelance by themselves work way harder than I do and sacrifice a lot of their personal lives and health to being able to do so. I think it would be smart to ask people who have a more focused path, like animating for indie series, live off of their comic work or mainly illustrate books and covers. They probably have a much more solid advice and plan to follow.

[yanderenightmare]

TW: nsfw, anal, suggestiveness & pressuring

fem reader

Thinking about really boyfriendly boyfriends – simpy and helpful and sweet – boyfriend material perfectly cut as if custom-ordered – boxed and shipped and sent express mail from the boyfriend factory with love.

He’s interested in your hobbies and studies and is equally passionate about sharing his interests with you. He’s comfortable and playful with your family and makes a true effort to befriend your friends. He’s even outgoing at parties where he doesn’t know anyone but you instead of sulking and asking you to leave like so many past boyfriends have.

He likes sharing food, sings loudly in the car, texts you throughout the day, and calls you when he’s at the store before coming over, asking if you need or want anything. He’s open and honest and geeks over new releases – that movie trailer, that game, those sneakers, that album, that car, and all that other boy stuff – and yet never fails to tell you how beautiful you are every time he sees you.

And he likes taking you on dates – cinema, arcade, roller rink, amusement park, road trips, picnics, beach days – or simply hanging out at his or your place – making food, binging a series in bed, kissing and dry-humping…

He’s just, all in all, everything you could’ve ever wished for. Perfect in every way.

Only… there hasn’t been a single time he’s had you in bed where he hasn’t all but begged to fuck your ass…

He’s literally crying for it while moaning, “Please~ lemme put it in~ just wanna try it once, please, baby~” with his hands squeezing your butt over your shorts and his head under your shirt, kissing and sucking your tits with the prayers on his lips as he humps his tented crotch against your clothed cunt – making your panties hot and damp. 

You squeeze your eyes shut with a suppressed whine.

He keeps pleading, “I’ll be gentle~ just the tip~ I’ll go so slow~”

His fingers dig into the crevice of your cheeks, wedging your shorts and undies through your slit. Everything clenches from the friction.

Your face is heated, biting your lip with cinched brows. You knew he’d ask for it again today – he never doesn’t. Even though he’ll get pussy-drunk and pound your poor womb in a tight mating press the second he’s made you cum on his fingers. 

He slurps your nipple, still begging, “Please, baby, please~ it’ll feel so good~ so-so-so good~”

You’d been deliberating giving in to his incessant proposals for a little while. He’d been so unrelenting you were starting to feel bad denying him for so long.

Not like past boyfriends hadn’t been equally relentless in the ask.

But this one was different… unlike the others… you really like him. 

You think you might be in love with him, even though it’s a little early to say.

Still… since he’s so perfect… you want to do your best to be perfect for him, too.

So you’d made yourself ready for it this time – done preparations in the shower. 

But… you pout… it was all so embarrassing, and your poor mind was riddled with doubts as though you were a virgin all over again. 

What if something… gross happens? What if it hurts so bad you have to stop? Will it disappoint him? What if you hate it but go through with it anyway, only for him to keep asking? What if you have to break up because you won’t ever be able to look him in the eyes again?

“Are you okay? Is something wrong?” His voice slips through the inner turmoil.

He’d resurfaced from beneath your shirt on account of your silence, only to see you’d covered your face in both hands. He gently peels them away – revealing your eyes and the shy way you nibble your lip.

“I’m sorry…” He apologizes then. “I’ll stop asking-” 

“No!” You blurt. To his surprise – staring at you with those big puppy-dog eyes you just couldn’t handle seeing look so disheartened. “I mean…” 

You look away, cheeks burning – voice just barely above a whisper. 

“If you really want to… I’m fine with it…”

He seemed to perk up at that. If he’d had a tail, you know it would be wagging behind him. 

His chest swelled, eyes big and unblinking, swallowing thickly – breaths already thick with containment. 

He leans in close and nose-kisses you, brushing your lips with heated words, “Really? You’ll let me?”

You made a small sound, too humiliated to say or do much more than nod your head in confirmation.

He seemed to shudder, closing the space between you, kissing your lips softly – he tasted like static – buzzing with restricted urgency. Parting with a soft-spoken yet strained, “Thank you.”

Both his hands messaged your waist – fiddled with the band to your shorts as though he couldn’t wait to drag them down your thighs and free you.

Still speaking against your lips, “Can you turn around on your knees for me?”

Everything was burning – from the tips of your ears to your lips and deep down in your stomach where something equally hungry and anxious was preparing for something.

He moved back to allow you to crawl into position, taking a pillow and placing it underneath you – patting it while telling you to “Lie down.” 

You did like suggested, lying with your face and chest against the soft plume, sinking into it with your back in a slope and your ass presented. Heart pounding in your head, loud and hot, as he took position behind you – placing his hand back on your hips.

He hooked his fingers into the band of your shorts again, pulling them back over the fat of your haunches, then dragged them down slowly until they pooled around your knees. You felt the damp heat of his breath immediately hit the peach fuzz on the small of your back – seeping through the cotton of your panties – making your belly brew with butterflies. 

“Just relax, okay? Tell me to stop if I go too far.” He said, sensing how you quaked as he placed both palms on your globes – denting the plump flesh with greedy fingers.

It’s not like you haven’t fucked in this position before – it’s just that you knew this time was going to be different. You felt so exposed.

He fingered the frill of your panties and started peeling them off – baring your naked skin and the pretty dip between your cheeks. 

You yelped. His mouth was on you before he’d even finished undressing you – placing a sloppy half-bite half-kiss on your upper ass before proceeding to slurp the crack.

You whimpered – flustered and flushed as the heat of his tongue laid wet trails down through the valley until his lips met with your rim. You shuffled your thighs and balled the pillow in small fists as he groaned into you. Shamelessly squeezing your fat with his hands, spreading the cheeks to let him at your little puckered hole.

Your eyes screwed shut while you hid your face in the pillow beneath you – muffling all uneasy sounds as he canted his mouth against your ass. Chin rutting into your puffy cunt while bobbing his jaw, lipping at your taint and rim – nose nuzzled between your cheeks – mouth fully closed around you – moaning at the feel of it pulsing on the tip of his tongue as he runs it over the tight scrunch again and again.

Your shoulders brace as he tries and screw the wet muscle inside. You tense up way too tight for it to happen.

He smacks off with a raunchy sigh. Your heart is in your throat. 

Slick from your ignored cunt feels sticky on your swelled pussy-lips – hot and twitching in the cool air.

He pops the cap of the little bottle of lube the two of you always keep on hand. You flinch when his slick fingers come back to rub your hole. He gives it slow and soothing circles before easing the tip inside. Filling you up only to the first joint, waiting for you to relax and loosen before sinking the rest inside. 

He hums at the display, groaning, “Fuuh-ck~” Sliding the digit in knuckle-deep before slipping it out to the tip again – repeating the motion while feeling your muscles ripple around it. “You’re so cute, baby~ so pretty~”

He bows and places a chaste kiss on your buttcheek, laying his face on it like a pillow – his eyes half-mast while looking at his finger disappear inside you.

He works another in with the first, shuffling them – messaging the tightness, slowly training it to stretch. His hot breath fans over your wet skin, making you go goosefleshed.

“Fuck, baby – so pretty with my fingers inside yah~” He hums, almost in a whine while curling them inside you. “So fucking hot how you swallow and squeeze on ‘em like that~”

He pulls himself up again, tugging on his belt with one hand – keeping on fingering you with the other. 

His pants drop to the floor a moment later, and he lifts his neglected cock out of the sticky mess he’d made in his boxers – throbbingly fat and hard, pulsing in his fist and leaking pre, another pearl each time he rubs over the bulge of his tip.

He looks at your hole – eyes misty. You seem to have loosened up a bit – enough for him to part his fingers.

He pulls them both out with a schlick. “I think you’re ready…” His voice is sticky – stuck to his throat. “I’m gonna try ‘n put it in.”

Your hands curl into the pillow as you nod your head – eyes still squeezed shut. It hadn't felt too bad so far – just weird. Embarrassing and… clinical. A bit like a doctor’s visit. But you knew that would all change now.

His hands glide across your back, catching your crop top in balled fists, stretching it as his tip works on stretching out your opening – nudging against it, coaxing it into accepting the head.

“Fuh- oh fuck~” He moans, lost to the sight and feel of your butt seizing around him – closing up around his tip. 

You look so fucking perfect like that – face-down and kneeling with your ass pressed back against him – giving him your second virginity. 

His eyes flitter across the slope of your spine – looking over your creamy skin, looking so pretty, all glossy with dew, until he reaches your face. Your brows are pinched together, gnawing on your bottom lip, eyes shut tightly.

“Are you okay?” He pants.

You nod your head – curt and rushed.

He suppresses a sound – feeling even more heated. You’re so perfect, so good to him – the best girlfriend he could have ever asked for. Trusting him like this, letting him do this even when you’re so nervous about it. You must really love him.

He’s nearly crying, holding onto your hips as he fucks you with just the tip – loosening the rim up and going just a little deeper for every shallow thrust. He nearly barrels over, standing there with his back hunched – bowing his head, looking at where the two of you connect while sweat drips from his weighted bangs.

“I love you, too.” He confesses out of the blue, and you blink, looking back at him – seeing his mouth parted with blissful moans, his eyes wet, and brows softly curled. “You’re so fuckin’ perfect fo’me – so good.” 

He loves you so much he can barely take the blossoming in his chest, feeling like he wants to eat you up and swallow you whole. His girl – who laughs at all his silly jokes and holds his hand everywhere you go and doesn’t tease him when he yelps and holds you close during horror movies. His perfect perky girlfriend – who lets him fuck you raw and cum inside, and now… even letting him fuck your tight round ass for the very first time.

He's almost all the way in now – just a few more thrusts, and you’ll have him swallowed down to the base with his balls pressed firmly against the puffy lips of your wet pussy.

“Fuh-uuck-” He breathes out again, gripping your hips tight as he bottoms out. 

He nearly cums right then, having to bite his lip to hold back – savoring how you ripple and squeeze him – so tight and firm.

You’re such a good girl taking him so well and so deep, lying so sweetly beneath him with your ass presented – letting him nestle his entire length inside you. Curling your toes all cutely as you adjust with only pretty girly mews leaving you.

You didn’t expect him to mount you. 

But he does. Now standing with his feet in the bed, squatting over you with his cock sinking balls deep in your ass. Freshly broken-in, it’s tight and firm and twitchy as though it’s confused as to why there's a big fat cock stretching it out. 

He can’t help but smile, perched on top of you – hands still hooked upon your hips for balance while he leans forward, settling even deeper. 

You moan, and it nearly drives him wild. Barely holding himself together as he pulls out – wishing he had something to bite into instead of his lip as he focuses on the way your firm walls clench on him, clinging to his shaft so tightly it’s hard pulling out despite the wetness – it’s so good he’s losing it. 

He’s taking his perfect girlfriend in her perfect ass. And it feels so fucking good his hands leave their grip on your hips as he slugs forward, bending over you until his chest presses into your back, and his head rests on top of yours, cheek to cheek – slinging both arms around you, putting you in a headlock – leaving you to do nothing else but pant, squished between his biceps and his cock kisses your guts. 

“Can’t believe I'm fucking your little ass, baby.” He rants breathlessly. “It's so tight and good, gripping me so fuckin’ hard.” Huffing and groaning with his back hunched as he curves into your butt as deep as he can – stuffing into you from behind slowly and carefully as though he’s savoring every single flutter of you hugging him.

He’s barely even pulling out – kneading as far as his cock can reach instead – cock-warming himself inside you.

“Fuck, baby – I can cum inside, right?” He whimpers against you, kissing the corner of your mouth with his tongue out.

You’re so squished beneath him you can only just wheeze out the word. “O-okay-”

“Oh- fuck, I love you.” He cries when he blows, squeezing you so tight you’re choking as he pumps pulse after pulse of thick hot cum deep inside you. “I love you, I love you- love you- love you so much- so fuckin’ much-”

And you don’t know if it’s the confession, the headlock, or the cum being pumped up your guts – but your clit’s pulsing and your cunt’s twitching even though it’s around nothing, gushing down your shaking thighs as your butt pushes itself flush against your boyfriend’s cock, clenching hard around it and milking him free of every drop.

♡ BNHA – Deku, Shoto, Denki, Kirishima, Shigaraki, Touya-Dabi, Hawks, Natsuo, Mirio ♡ JJK – Gojo, Yuji, Yuuta, Choso ♡ HQ – Kuro, Bokuto, Miya twins ♡ AOT – Armin ♡ DS – Zenitsu ♡ WB – Sakura, Nirei, Umemiya

♡ FEM x M INSERT masterlist ♡ GN x M INSERT masterlist

[quanticq]

Hey Q! Sorry for bothering you, but for some reason I can no longer find any of your tik tok accounts 😭 Did they get deleted or something?

Hi this is Q! I’m coming out of the woodwork to address this, since I did went radio silent out of the blue so it’s not a bother at all

The short answer is Yes, I deleted my tiktok

Yes delete not deactivate, I’m not coming back to That app or IG or Twt, I deleted my socials except here and YouTube, I honestly felt so overwhelmed with everything, I realized I’m not even posting for myself anymore there. A lots of people crossed my boundaries time and time again I felt so helpless, bitter with myself. I guess I was just overwhelmed with the attention I got; both positive and negatives ones.

Im done and I want to start over so that’s why I’m here and on YouTube, I already posted some of these on my community tab on YT but here’s what I have in mind for the future of the content I want to create: more detail under the cut, and also;

CW: very brief mention of spiraling, harm inflict oneself or others, paranoia, etc

•Long-form content: my attention span is a bit messed up from consuming and making short-form content to the point where I can’t focus in university. I want to create something meaningful. It’s not that my previous content was not meaningful, no. I had fun and no time is wasted when I have fun, it was warm… but as I mentioned earlier, I just felt this lingering bitterness the longer I stayed making those short-form content. It really felt like I was on the verge of losing it. Especially with how the bigger following I have the less people think of me as a person than just another content creator you see on the internet,

I want to create long-form content, I’m so tired of forcing myself to generate 15 second content. On tiktok it just feels like I’m just creating and not really connecting. I want to try something new, maybe create an open space for meaningful discussion in the comments. I don’t think I can stand another copy-paste tiktok comment anymore. You know what I meant if you’re frequent on that app.

•Art Content with Commentary: and don’t worry this won’t be those petty artist drama issue, but I will still cover anything serious

it could be love letters or video essays ranging from fan fictions, fandom culture, the art scene and so much more. I may even share a bit of my personal life, this will be self indulgent after all! I want to make it fun for myself and as well to those who comes across my channel. I really REALLY want to create a genuine following.

On tiktok it’s so easy to gain following but not so easy to retain them, it’s mostly because of the algorithm and the FYP feature there.

On Tiktok most content that would get featured as an artist there would be creative work has to be either; more than exceptional which is pressuring enough already to consistent posters, straight up suggestive content shown to minors (tiktok doesn’t really have a blocked keywords feature but it’s so disheartening to see these creators intentionally not using the sensitive warning since it could limit their reach significantly) oh yes we can’t forget the negativity surrounding beginner artists or “art lore��

All of this cesspool of negativity, it’s a whole can of worms but it will be one of my prominent topics that I wish to discuss in my future art commentaries. I hope you guys are looking forward to those! I might bring in a few people or so to talk about it with me

and finally;

•Streaming: I used to do a lot of streams during the weekends on the clock app and it was super fun! I want to bring that back but that would have to wait since I’m unfamiliar with some features on YouTube, and I’m aware that YT does not have a discoverable feature for stream but that’s alright, I want to start something small first.

In short; I’ll figure it out! just need some baby steps before I start streaming again.

.

I apologize for deleting everything out of the blue, if I’m gonna be honest it was partially planned because I’ve been thinking about deleting my tiktok, twitter and Instagram for a while now but how it happened? In my breakdown I realized that I don’t want anyone to see me spiral, especially now that I realized how young my audience are, I’m not sure how that happened but I guess posting fandom contents does attract the young ones somehow inevitably, even though my content is nowhere near as suggestive, but I do talk about serious topics from time to time… but I digress, its not fair for them to deal with me if they see me spiral publicly,

it is especially not fair to them to console me. When I was younger than 14, I’ve been in a position where I have to talk down someone who was older, maybe 4-5 years older than me, from harming themselves or anyone, it was traumatizing and unpleasant. I don’t wish for anyone to go through that, it’s very painful.

It’s been… hard for me to ground myself. Ive been seeing things through a kaleidoscope of emotions; I was trying to focus on everything but it’s just too overwhelming so eventually I cracked. But please don’t worry I’ve been doing better now, after some time away from my online persona, and of course spending time with my beloved girlfriend, I see things much more clearly now.

Thank you to anyone who read this and much so appreciate those who understand where I’m coming from

Also now that I think of it can my stuff be considered as lost media now? Amazing! But please don’t be sad the fun I had was genuine!

Thank you again to those who genuinely enjoyed my content on tiktok but it’s time for me to try my hand at something new, I will still be dwelling in my creative headspace just.. away from public for now,

if you’re looking forward for my future post, make sure to check out my YouTube! I still have a lot I need to cook hehe, this is one of the few!

More post soon, Bye bye! -Q

[sarcastictissy]

My apologies, I sincerely thought you were aware which is why I came to you ack, I’m so sorry D’:

But in short, the original admin, Puella, was the one who created Otipep and they made a doc about their experience on QSMP and the story behind why Otipep exists, and well, Otipep basically existed cause they were gone for a while, came back and decided to “roleplay” while they were in an unwell state with a high fever and used Otipep as an excuse for their rude behavior. And well, that led to Ro, Ro’s community and a few of Ro’s friends really uncomfortable with the entire situation.

The admin was removed as Pepito and we got Pepito’s perm admin Lina to continue the story.

The document came out yesterday (unfortunately I’m unsure if it can be accessed again due to Puella privating their account after receiving massive backlash from the community), and it honestly was extremely off putting, disheartening and disappointing to see so many rush to support them after the uncomfortable situation they created that left one of the most patient CCs uncomfortable alongside his community. I understand wanting to support all admins who worked on QSMP (trust me, I support many of the admins who have came forward with their story and admins who continue/ed to work on the project or on Q Studios) and were affected, but a lot of actions can not be blindly forgiven. Plus this is fairly reminiscent to the situation of Dianna(?), Tilin’s admin, where after they left the project, many found out that she broke the boundaries of other workers and also of a few CCs.

-💫

Dw about it!! Thank you for telling me! I'm not aware of Tilin's admin to be honest. I'm disappointed Optepip used their personal circumstances as an excuse for badly treated Roier, his fans, and his friends. I'm sure Optipep actually insulted his family as well but I could be wrong. Regardless, it does not seem that they apologised for the situatuon and used the fact they were fired (as an actor, or as an admin I'm not sure) as a way to get pity or sympathy, despite there being a valid reason for the backlash they received. Just annoyed they don't seem to accept the fact they did something wrong. And it's not clear that they don't understand they did something wrong, it's more that they choose to ignore the issue instead. Honestly I'm not sure what to think. I hope they do apologise to Roier either publicly or privately.

Also are you my first anon with a sign off?!?!!?! :00

[mariejordans]

i honestly don’t even know where to begin with this post, so i guess i’ll start with hi! sorry, i’ve been gone so long, though probably most of you didn’t even notice i was gone lol. sorry for not giving any warning to my absence, and i am especially sorry to the mutuals who have reached out to me that i haven’t responded to. i was and still am struggling with anxiety and depression and towards the new year it was getting to be a bit much for me, so i decided to take a mental health break from social media.

i’d honestly been contemplating coming back, but today i received a dm from someone with a link to a post that was accusing me of bullying and creating fake accounts to bully other people in this fandom. first of all, i would like to emphasize that this is not true. attached below is a screenshot of all the blogs that i own (EDIT 2/9/24: i have since deleted the screenshot for my own privacy and i believe that since i made this post, there has been more than enough evidence to clear my name.) milfsociety is my main account, which i have linked before on this blog and many of my mutuals also follow me on my main, and the rest of them are just me saving my old usernames or other sideblogs that i rarely use, but all of them have been inactive for two months at least.

i do NOT condone bullying ever, and to be continually accused of it by this person is very disheartening. it started with this post (seen below) that i made back in november after seeing a post discrediting marie as the main character of gen v. i admit that my language was probably a bit harsher than was necessary, but honestly my intention was not to send hate to op (which is why i never tagged it with any gen v related tags) but to defend marie. it also wasn’t meant to be solely specific to this one person but as a general post because at the time, there were lots of accounts discrediting marie and to be honest, i was just kinda venting bc of how sick of it i was. (also, just to mention, i have intentionally left out their username because the last thing i want is to send hate to this person.) this was the only post i made on the topic and later i heard that apparently op blocked me afterward (which does not offend me in the slightest since i have since done the same thing) so this honestly should have been the end of it.

i honestly hadn’t given this post a second thought until a little under a month later i received this ask out of nowhere, accusing me of ableism and bullying. i replied to this ask, which i will link here. honestly this ask came as a complete shock to me, because i had honestly forgotten all about my previous post.

i responded to anon and in the reply i apologized to their friend for my hurtful comments and expressed that it was never my intention to attack anyone, especially anyone with a disability, which i did not know about when i initially made the first post. i also explained my side, stating why i made the post in the first place, which i still stand by. originally, i had linked their post in my reply, which in hindsight was a mistake that i regret and i should’ve known better. again, my last intention ever is to spread hate and negativity or to bully anyone, so i deleted the link when i was asked by a third party. this person has also since deleted that post about marie entirely.

shortly after i posted the reply, i guess i can only assume that whoever anon was told them about the reply. i’m honestly not sure if they’ve ever actually read this reply or not, but they made a response to my reply, accusing me of harassment and bullying. honestly, it really confused me at the time, since i’d only made two posts in reference to them, and one was a reply to an ask, but we ended up having a third party account who was mutuals with both of us acting as a mediator to settle things and i genuinely wanted to move on from the situation. we both had each other blocked and it seemed to me that anon was just trying to instigate more drama between us, so i thought it best to just leave it at that. i was also going through some mental health issues at the time (unrelated to this situation even though it didn’t help) and had been considering taking a break from tumblr, and so i thought it would be best to just go inactive for a while.

this is honestly the first time i’ve used tumblr in the two months since i’ve been gone, so i have no idea what else has been happening regarding any other blogs and this person, but apparently i am being named as the sole instigator here and i just wanted to once and for all clear up this issue and my name. i’m honestly not sure if this person will see this post or if they’ll even accept it as truth. i can’t force them or anyone to believe me as i really don’t know what else i’d have to do to prove that i don’t have any other secret accounts other than making this post.

i will probably continue to be inactive on this account as i think it is in everyone’s best interest. i never wanted to contribute or start any drama in this fandom, but i feel like i am partially responsible in how this situation has turned out, so i would also like to apologize to you all as well. i’ve never had an account of mine get as big as this one has (thank you to everyone who liked and supported my silly little ramblings!) and i can honestly say i have had the best time interacting and fangirling with you all about this show and these characters that i love so much and i will continue to enjoy and love gen v and marie from afar!

goodbye for now,

rose (aka mariejordans)

[bongilicus]

Hi! readerinsertsaremyguiltypleasure, here (it's a side blog, so I can't send asks under the url). The emoji prompt game looks great! I may have to return the favour and use it for inspiration for one of my own games in the future lol.

Can you do something with ⏳(time) for Billy Russo? I'd love to hear your thoughts about how he would prioritise time with his partner vs time with Anvil.

hi hi hi omg omg so sorry for like ghosting this game for however long i am here i'm alive ;-; time is wild and much too quick for my brain holy balls. thank you so much for the idea of a fanfic game again, the inspiration was everything i needed ur such a legend <3 i genuinely loved this one and it threw me through a loop because bae Billy has so many sneaky facets of his character i tried a few different directions before going down this route. my understanding of billy is that he wants to be the best bf/partner possible especially if he thinks he's in love but at the end of the day his need to be the best/most successful wins out. billy's priority is billy and love won't change that.

⏳ ▬ 𝐁𝐈𝐋𝐋𝐘 𝐑𝐔𝐒𝐒𝐎

time scenario with Billy Russo for my emoji prompt event! you can find the event guidelines here, and my complete masterlist here! // warnings; minorly(?) unhealthy relationship, mild angst !!!

You want to think of Billy as the attentive, loving boyfriend you know he can be. The boyfriend he is. Sometimes. 

You know he wants you, know he loves you. But the desire, the need to become everything he was told he couldn’t be too often wins out. He’s the epitome of power and success and he’ll kill die to keep it that way. You’ve watched him work his way up the ranks of the military, stood by his side as he built Anvil up from the ground, and yet you continue to fight the feeling that every step up the ladder is a step further away from you. 

He’s everything you’ve ever wanted, the only person you think you’ve ever really loved and yet you haven’t ever really been sure he would say the same. It’s not like you’ve asked but the only reason you haven’t is because you’re terrified you already know the answer. 

But he’s there. He returns home every evening and lets you know with an apology if he can’t. He’s gentle when you need it and flirts with you even though he wooed you years ago. He’s punctual and honest and even when he’s frustrated he never takes it out on you. But there’s nothing like missing the man that sleeps beside you each night.

But every time things are looking rougher than ever he makes it up to you. It’s like he has a sixth sense that alerts him when you’re feeling that bit more disheartened by the lack of time the two of you spend together. 

Amid an extra busy week for him you get the “Dinner?” text and things feel okay again. Sitting across from him in a nice restaurant in a nice dress with his eyes on you and only you for the rest of the night works wonders towards feeling like a priority. It’s like the two of you have your own little world, as opposed to you being an addition to his.

When you’re walking home, your hand in his, he turns to look at you with a soft smile. “You’re too good to me,” he said, squeezing your hand.

Scoffing, you said, “or just good enough I think.”

“Maybe,” he replied thoughtfully. “I don’t know what I did to deserve you.”

You knew he was just saying that. Didn’t hurt to hear though. If you pretended to believe him your heart ached a little less.

The next week he arrived home early every day, sitting with you as you made dinner, or cutting up onions when your eyes started to water. You began to get into a routine of having him there, of feeling like the two of you really did share this life you had. You let yourself get used to him in such quantities. A mistake. 

Before you knew it he was kissing you goodbye and promising to be back in two weeks. It was like being winded. 

You got the phone calls, every morning, every night, occasionally at lunch. But even though he was at the other end of the line, he was suffocatingly out of reach. 

“I miss you, Billy,” you whispered into the phone one night as you lay in bed, “Like really miss you.” His slightly distorted chuckle made you want to cry.

“I know, baby, but I’ll be home before you know it. It’s only two more days.”

“I miss you even when you are here.” It was so quiet, your confession squeaked out into the world. 

A desolate silence filled the space around the both of you as you processed the implications of what you’d just said. His lack of response was crushing but what was he supposed to say?

“I’ll see you Friday?” you asked, unable to take it any longer.

“Yeah, Friday. I’ll text you when the plane lands.” There was an unease to his tone.

“Okay.” 

When he got back it was the same as it had been and nothing was said about you missing him. You couldn’t quite tell if he held you a little tighter and a little closer than before or if you were just looking for something that wasn’t there.

A month or-so later you woke up sweaty and thirstier than you’d ever been at about one in the afternoon. Everything ached and the trip to the bathroom and back took you a good half hour. When Billy got home he called out to you, concerned by the lack of lights on through your apartment. You could only groan in response. 

Seeing you wrapped up in the covers he sucked in a breath. “Jesus, sweetheart. You look like shit.”

“Feel like it too,” you croaked. He left the room and came back with some water. Sitting on the edge of the bed he carefully tipped some into your mouth. 

“I’ll call the doctor, I’ll be back in a sec.”

He came back to you asleep again. 

You didn’t comprehend the reality of it at first, focusing solely on the fact your darling lover was bringing you soup and water every time you woke up. Pleased only that you were able to stay wrapped up in bed and have your every whim catered to. It wasn’t until a couple of days later when the brain fog cleared and you walked into the kitchen to find him reading a book at the kitchen counter that you realised the significance of it.

“Shouldn’t you be at work?” You asked, wrapping your dressing gown around yourself tighter. Billy looked up, smiling at the sight of you.

Shoving the bookmark in and shutting his book, he got up to approach you. “Look at you, up and moving. I take it you’re feeling better?” he said, putting a hand on either side of you to steady you.

“Sorta,” you said, recognizing the dull clamping ache on either side of your head, “but what are you doing here? I thought you had those meetings with the Hospital’s Security Board this week?”

“I did.”

“Then what are you doing here?”

“Well, they were happy to postpone them at the threat of me spreading whatever nasty bug has got you all dopey. That being said, as happy as I am to see you out of it, how about we get you back into bed?” He gave you a quick peck on the forehead before ushering you back down the hall.

“Billy,” you said, almost scolding him, “why would you do that? Securing that contract is gonna be huge.”

He laughed. “And what, you just wanted me to let you suffer here alone when you could barely form a coherent sentence?”

“Those meetings were important.”

“And you’re not?” That shut you up. 

You stared up at him in mild shock as he tucked you back in. “I just think it’s a big risk you’re taking, is all.”

“Not really,” he said, brushing some hair that had been clinging to your forehead behind your ear. “Besides, I have to take care of my girl.” You hadn’t felt that safe in a while. 

But before you knew it you were back in the cycle.

The fight had started over him scheduling a meeting on your anniversary and simply assuming you'd happily do something later that evening or the next day.

“I just want to be a priority for once! Is it really too much to ask!”

“Everything I do, I do for us. For you. Alright?” he said, grabbing you firmly by the shoulders. “To give you everything you want.”

“But I just want you.”

“You have me,” he reassured, reaching up to cup your face, stroking your cheek. 

The kiss he gave you was painful. He was so gentle about it but it tore into you. It felt like he was trying to prove to you that he was all yours. With his hand cupping your cheek and the other firm on your waist, holding you to him, it would’ve been so easy to let your guard down and believe him. But you’d learnt. You knew the cycle you were locked in wouldn’t just crumble the moment you asked it to. 

“And you have me, Billy,” you said, pulling away, “but it doesn't feel like that’s enough for you.”

“Of course it is, of course you are.”

“What about everything else? Will anything ever be enough for you?”

He just stared at you, unreadable dark eyes looking into your soul. 

“It’s not that simple.”

“Why not?” You dug your fingers into his shirt, grabbing fistfuls of the fabric in a desperate attempt to hold him there, to feel like you had some, any power over him. “Why can’t it be that simple?” You were overwhelmed by the urge to just shake him, force some sense into him.

“Because nothing ever is.” He drew you closer, coaxing you to rest your head on his shoulder as he kissed your temple. “Let me do this for us. I am all yours, I promise.”

if you want to see more check out my event! many thanks for reading and any and all reblogs and comments + feedback are appreciated x

[weirdly-specific-but-ok]

Hiiiii!!!

The Hindi songs guy again (salaamat recommendation, if "Hindi songs guy" is too vague)! Firstly, thanks for telling the name of the song, I listened to it and *sighs* it was them!

Secondly, i didn't know you were from India too! Got to know some days ago from your posts, and then just read your post when you were drunk and telling about India. And I fully agree, it was accurate (and as a North Indian, I'm sorry for the racism🙊). And I'm also sorry about the transphobia and every other awfulness you might've experienced. I love youuuu (sorry if this is too weird🙆🏻‍♂️). Also, the career prospects thing was 100% true: I was 'supposed' to become a doctor, but I had taken science just coz i liked it, and then there was a three years long tragic battle against doctor as a career, and then finally after a failed suicide attempt, I was able to choose English Literature, and things are only now (5 years after the fact) looking better....sooooo I guess your fears about college are totally valid but it will be better, you'll meet great people and learn so much beautiful stuff and create sooo many brilliant thingss! Again, I love youuu (and again, sorry if all of it is too much info, too weird, I'm just...weirdly emotional, idk why)

Thirdly, I really like your name! Asmi is a beautifullll nameee!

Fourthly, sorryy for the long and weird ask, just... I'm glad to know someone else from India here, who's also a Good Omens fan and evidently a lovely person. Sooo lots of long tight hugss!

Lastly, sorry for all the sorrys, and you can totally ignore this if it's uncomfortable or anything (if you couldn't tell by the sorrys, I'm super self-conscious, so thanks for the anonymous option)

Love and hugss, and best of luck for college, for your art, and life in general!❤️

Hey anon maggot! I'm so happy you listened to the song and loved it.

And thank you so much for sharing this with me. It's awful that you had to go through all of that, and I'm so proud of you for surviving. I spent three years preparing for medicine too (11th and 12th year, which caused me to fall sick and miss the NEET test, so I took a gap year etc) and I really did want it. Well, I thought I did. It was more that I didn't think I had any other choice.

TW: explicit mentions of transphobia and disregard and discrimination on the basis of mental health below. Skip the below paragraph if you need to.

I'm glad you're doing better. Yeah, I am not looking forward to college. I know there will be fun parts and all. But I had a go at college for three months back in August, and despite it being very liberal and open and stuff in theory, I had to drop out because the entire student body was isolating me because of my mental health and things my ex-roommate had said about me, and a lot of transphobia from the admin too. When I went to the dean and told her I felt unsafe and the environment was horrible, she told me to stop being so self-absorbed (and then denied she said that the next day to my parents). Luckily after the whole medical ordeal my parents had learned to listen to me and they helped me leave.

I will try again. It's just that it's... disheartening. That was design school, too, just like my next college will be. And I really did try my best. It's weird thinking about all that stuff because Tumblr and you maggots have kind of, well, healed it in a way, and given me such a safe space here that it feels unbelievable that the real world could be so, so fucking shite. Apologies for the vent here, but I do want to be honest, and I want everyone who's faced the same thing to know that they're not alone. Because I know so many people, too many, who've been there.

Thank god for Good Omens and you all. For the ridiculous amount of support and love and joy I've got here. It's easier to forget about all of it for a while when I focus on Crowley's pouts and Aziraphale smiling and making you all laugh.

And hey, you have nothing to feel sorry for. I'm so grateful to you for taking the time to write this. I love you too, anon maggot, so very much. Take all the tight hugs right back. I'm so proud of you for fighting for the future you wanted and deserved. I know it's not easy, both to fight with your internalised doubt and the others.

I'm so proud.

Good luck.

All the love, Asmi

[neonscandal]

Hi, Neon....Are you free now? If yes, please read this BL manga : Loss Time ni Hanamuke o by Cocomi...

It's not the sweetest but it's the one of the most realistic BL that I've read until now. It's an angst with a happy ending. And somehow I got SatoSugu vibes from this couple (sorry if I'm wrong). Like they love each other but lack of communication became their problem. It's a break up come together again story...

If you have read it, can I ask your opinion on it? Thanks.....

ANON. ANON. 🧡

I hadn't read it but prioritized it at your request and so, so Satosugu. Haha I wonder if I'd have noticed that had you not framed it up but at the same time, even visually, the long hair and Suguru's own mane... it was bound to happen. Also, don't apologize for your thoughts or interpretations! I definitely don't and I'm sure I've been loud and wrong before (and will be again✨). I appreciate you sharing your thoughts with me and thank you for recommending this!

OPINION

There was something so nostalgic about it. Not just because, unlike most stories, it begins at the tail end of a relationship. But to see what's clearly established affection cooled by the disconnect of miscommunication and a lack of appreciation... I think everyone can relate. It wasn't a sad, traumatic story. But it was a bitter and rueful story that could still evoke tears if you've been in a similar situation. That situation, of course, being one that proves that sometimes love is simply not enough.

Two perfect pieces don't fit together one day and call it happily ever after. Four years in and the couple still struggles with selfishness, with the idea that sex is the same as intimacy or honesty. That someone who can be unilaterally focused on their words, to the point where personal care falls to the wayside, can come up so short when they really matter.

This felt like a really honest (and short!) insight into what broke Tsukushi and Toui apart but also what made them work. In fact, this ask reminded me of another ask wherein I kinda lamented that BKDK or STSG-esque dynamics would be hard to find in something short. But here we are, you with the ultimate sauce and me eating my words. 🏆

We don't know if Tsukushi and Toui end up staying together. Returning to one another with the promise of change could very well be short lived regardless of how earnestly they want to be with one another. But the idea of love spoiling into resentment, especially in the presence of what are clear acts of love being taken for granted do feel SatoSugu-esque in nature. We know there's More (TM) to their story, of course, but this almost shows us that, even if they weren't child soldiers, there would still be a point in their relationship where Geto's overly caring and accommodating nature may want more than catering to Gojo who is so closed off in his own little world. In JJK universe, he's driven by his own identity as The Strongest regardless of how he drags Geto into that entitled status that it blinds him to Geto's own withering mental condition. Moreover, this fundamental idea of Understanding being a necessary part of love is a huge point of contention between SatoSugu that was so disheartening, as well. Thus far, it feels like we only get Gojo's interpretation of events but this story gives voice to Geto's as well which makes him snapping and breaking away from Gojo slightly less uncharacteristic but rather justified when he lacks critical support.

TL;DNR: This story wasn't an emotional rollercoaster fraught with traumatizing drama. Instead, it was a quiet reminder of the love that lingers when things don't end in a bang but rather a whisper. Two lovers desperately huddling their hands around the flickering flame of what once was, uncertain why things simply don't work between them any longer. Relatable pining, would recommend. Especially if you're looking to get a whiff of SatoSugu in another flavor.

[fixfoxnox]

hate to be a bother but its such a pet peeve of mine, in your fic into the dark with cryptid ghost you spell forest as forrest (two r's) and i just wanted to let you know, sorry 💚

Okay, so I'm gonna be honest and be as nice as I can about this.

I would really appreciate it if you guys would refrain from sending me asks like this or making comments like this and stuff on my work.

I actually was aware that this was something that I did on Into The Night, but I wrote it on my phone while on an extremely long car ride and fully out of it, so it is by far not perfect and has a lot of typos and general issues that I am aware of.

That said, it's extremely frustrating to have people point out typos or mistakes that I have made in my writing. I know that they're there. I'm not perfect, I'm not a computer, if I'm writing on my phone then the editing is literally just going through me. Not Grammarly, not a spell check, none of it. Just me. I'm bound to miss things, I am bound to mess things up.

However, when I spend hours or something writing a fic to post, I'm not asking for someone to come in and tell me what's wrong with it or what I can fix. I'm writing it for people to enjoy. I'm writing it for me. If the typos are too much or something like that, I understand. You don't have to read it. But for me to put so much effort into a story, then get excited see an ask or a comment about it come in only to realize its something like this?? Its extremely frustrating and extremely disheartening.

I used to say that I would accept constructive criticism on my work, but I've decided I'm going to take that statement back because it has become very clear to me that a lot of people simply don't know what constructive criticism is, and it just ends up with them essentially leaving a rude or hateful comment about something that they didn't like. Its frustrating as an author when I would LOVE to accept constructive criticism on my work so that I can better myself. I just can't say that I want it anymore because I've never gotten it and have only gotten comments that have either pointed out something extremely minor like this, or comments where people just say, "I didn't like this but I can't explain why or how to fix it."

I know you probably didn't mean for this to come off as rude or whatever Anon, but I think its important to know that, to Authors, pointing stuff out like this typically does come off as rude and nitpicky.

Apologies for this rant, but, again, please everyone refrain from sending me messages like this in the future. Thank you 💙

[yournameoneverypage]

didn't you start around the time of Shawmila round one ,or am I mistaken here ?

and you did like and support Shawn (and Camila) back then ,at that time.

so ,I'm wondering ,as why you clearly seem to have a problem with Shawmila round two ,atm ?

also wanted to give my feedback on your latest story ,I think that didn't do as well as you're used to ,is coz it doesn't have the same flow to it ,your reglar readers are used to seeing coming from you (btw: I read a story -actually think it's part of a book ,if I remember correctly- with a very similar style and theme to it ,prior on wattpad ,being completely honest ,it reminds me more of that ,than of your previous works) .

that's my opinion ,anyways ...

closing off with a question ,are you planning on doing smth Shawmila (I mean ,that book of yours ,that was already on hiatus ,and now with Shawmila ,appearing as if the breakup was all just a dream ,and time stood still ,or smth ,you're definitely not going to continue with an oc ,or am I thinking (perfectly) wrong (on this topic ,as well) ) ?

(ps :didn't expect your comeback so soon ,the way you were sounding so negatively ...)

I’ve been a fan of Shawn’s for just over four years, but I didn’t start my Shawn tumblr till early April 2021. (Happy belated two-year tumblrversary to me?)

No, I’ve never been a fan of Camila’s, nor have I ever liked them together. I don’t believe you’ll find anything about her in my archives. I tried never to disrespect her (publicly) because of my respect for Shawn, that’s all. So, having never liked them together, and seeing the state he was in for so long following their split, and how he seemed to be doing SO well without her recently, his choice to begin again with her is disheartening. I love him and only want the best for him, and in my personal opinion, she’s not it. I don’t want to see him hurt again.

Thank you for your honest opinion on my last story, and I agree with you about the flow. It’s definitely not one of my better stories and I have moments where I wish I hadn’t posted it. (I even apologized to my friend, who was the requester, that it wasn’t better, but bless her heart, she still said she loved it.) Idk if you follow me, and if you do, for how long you have been, but in previous posts of mine, and for awhile now, I’ve spoken about my struggles with my writing. I haven’t opened any of my documents/started requests/WIPs since then. I’m not currently in the right headspace. I don’t feel like I can give my best right now, and I don’t want to post anything (else) subpar.

I’m not a regular reader on Wattpad, - I can probably count on maybe two hands how many stories I’ve read over there, - so any similarities to any story over there was completely unintentional. I won’t hesitate to remove FF if ever necessary. The only person I’ve ever intentionally plagiarized is myself (taking pieces of earlier, incomplete stories and fitting them better into new ones).

I’d still like to complete my OC story, with my OC character. I really don’t want “Some Girl” to be just another abandoned story. I’m just not sure how long that’s going to take. And no, Camila won’t be returning in any capacity. Why would I write him back with Camila in any way when Charlotte is perfect for him?

I haven’t fully returned to tumblr (or any social media), - three reblogs/posts and a few asks after ten days is hardly a “comeback”. I just don’t want people to think I’ve given up on Shawn, because I haven’t. 💕

Thank you for the ask, anon. 🫶🏻

[halfmoth-halfman]

oh god you can’t understand how relived I am to know that u don’t agree with what the artist said !! I’ve been in the cod fandom for years and the racism (& all the bigotry in general) is just huge and disheartening to see but sadly not surprising to be honest

it also made me so mad that she said that she’s a “typical slav” like as if that would’ve made it better

Im also a Slavic artist and making such a big deal abt someone asking why there isn’t that much diversity in her work wasn’t a fucking crime and sure it would take a few more minutes but who cares? it would be nice to represent others who have little to no representation

also saying “not gonna lie sounds kinda racist to me” felt like she was implying that you can be racist to white people which is not a thing

I apologize that I brought it up again and u can ignore this 100% it just hasn’t left my mind and the way so many others agreed (who I liked lots) just made me so annoyed I mean like yeah I kinda saw it coming considering it’s the cod fandom but still disappointing

(I hope this is making some sorta sense and is understandable considering englisch isn’t my first language 😅)

don’t apologize anon, and i understood perfectly! i can’t imagine how frustrating that must be for you as another slavic artist and i’m so sorry you have to deal with that. and yeah, i’ve been in and out of the CoD fandom for years cause it’s never been the nicest place for black people or women, and i thought maybe with the new influx of fans maybe things would change, but i guess those bigoted people are still out there.

i totally feel you that it was disappointing, and it hurt to see people i like and admire agreeing with that post. to me, it’s honestly pretty telling that so few people are calling out the racism and, even more disheartening, the people of color or other minorities jumping into that artist’s inbox to talk about how they would never ask to be represented so how dare others do so.

no one is selfish, or crazy, or wrong for wanting to see more representation of themselves!

it’s just so disappointing on all fronts, but at least i know who to block now ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[heavenbarnes]

Hi, your moved-from-Europe anon again. Yes, you are absolutely right that "less bad" does not equal good. Yes, nz ABSOLUTELY has its issues, and yes we absolutely need to fight for those conditions to improve. But at the same time, this country is an absolute safe haven for *me*. Where I came from, I suffered 18 years of bullshit caused by the government, my home town, and the local Christian community. For me, that perspective changes how I view that part of the world vs here A LOT, especially after being out of that for a few years and settling here. Coming from an absolutely shit situation to here was like learning how to breathe again. I'll be very honest and admit that no, the abuse statistics around kids were not on my mind, mostly because I've gotten so damn used to watching the news back home and see all sorts of horrible shit on a daily basis. I'll admit, I don't currently watch the news, because I already have a shitload of mental health issues (always have, that's not due to moving here), and I noticed watching the news made me so much more miserable (yes, I still keep up with the bigger things, but it's not daily). You're absolutely right to address my ignorance there, and I do apologize

hey, i’m really glad that you reached back out because i never wanted there to be any animosity between us 🫶🏼 i’m really grateful you’re here and sharing your experience

when i said i’m glad that is your experience with our country, i meant it- i am very glad that you have found safety and a better time here, that’s really important and i don’t want to invalidate that

i am influenced by the fact i watch and read the news everyday and every night, it’s often dark and disheartening so i do not blame you for needing to take a break for your own wellbeing

i have seen some of the best in our country and some of the worst, like i said in earlier posts i will not give up on NZ because i, like you, want it to be the remarkable place a lot of people believe it to be

we’ll get there one day, with a lot of hard work, and i honestly think it’s people like yourself, that can see the good, that’ll help make it happen- i strive to be part of it too

all aroha nui, my friend

[unclewarwick]

i awesome just fall over the world erupts into clapter, so happy just to see me doing anything and i see ten people in particular, ten people exactly. not nine, not eleven. not nine and a half. ten people, they do not clap or seem joyous at all, and i celebrate that even more. imagine living in a world where everyone ever thought you were awesome, tha t would be so unfair and would feel fake or stale after a while but anyway after i shake off the various pains of falling over, i do wlakt over to those people and the spotlight follows me, but i dont realise this until ive reached their row because im just so used to it, but i look up at the source and chuckle a little, swatting my hand like "oh, you guys!" and the light technician knows to turn it off, and i shake each of the ten peoples hands (meaning i shake one hand from each of them, not both of every one of them) and they introduce themselves to me. okay so ive never been good at remembering names but one of them was. actually i cant remember. but they were all good natured folks, just honest about their reactions and feelings, and each of them gave me their phone number and they all agreed we could start a pretty great group chat. i was feeling pretty confident about this but when i got home i saw they made a group chat and added me to it and it was just full of images and gifs of me falling over and their messages were like "yeah idont actually think falling over is that awesome or cool to be honest/ im glad i can feel safe enough to tell you guys this. i tried to tell my mom once and she tried to beat me up" and everyone else was fawning over them, wait i just scrooled up to that message in the chat, his name is "tom" or whatever, anyway they were all "oh my god! that is terrible, that sounds like a really unsafe environment" and i just rolled my eyes like jesus chriiiist how bad can that actually be, but i wanted to be polite and so i said "apologies;. i am ver disheartened to learn that one of my fans would behave in this way. i dont know you very well, but i personally do not support child abuse and i gotta say, you did not deserve that potential beat-up tha t she had threatened you with. does she do this often? i hope not ,because that would be pretty bad." and someone told me i was ruining the vibe and it made me feel a little bad, i realised how foolish i was to join a group chat of literally my only ten haters in the whole wide world, but then i realised that is a victim-blaming mentality because it is always the peoples fault who want to hurt people that people get hurt at all, so i took a deep breath and took forever to type it, but i made agoodbye message that was something along the lines of "thank yiu all so so much for this experience. i know i have only met you somewhat recently, but i have already learened so much from all of you. you're the realest motherfuckers ive ever come across and i res[ect you allso greatly. sorry i got some water on my screen (it was a teardrop) that being said, i personally just need to take a break from this environment. i dont know if it is the best for me, but i will let you all know, all you beautiful sexy people, when i plan on returning, which i do. i hope you can understand and i trust you to respect my privacy in this time." i never spoke to them again. i think about it everuy day. i know they still think of me

[ofstoriesandstardust]

blood of the covenant (natasha “phoenix” trace)

a/n: there is criminally not enough fics for our dear nat. so i finally decided to try my hand at writing for her. as a bisexual woman, knowing i probably won’t be able to come out to my parents is disheartening and upsetting because all i’ve ever wanted is acceptance. so i decided to write some found family/chosen family fluff with nat because that’s what the world needs. cool? cool. 

(also: @a-reader-and-a-writer-for-all​ wrote a very awesome coming out fic with phoenix that if you like this, should go read. or even if you don’t like mine. anyways.)

summary: (bisexual!reader) growing up in a military family, you know what will happen if the Iron Daggers find out about your relationship to their fellow pilot. she doesn’t seem to agree with you on the certain doom you’re expecting.

callsign: Ace

main masterlist | top gun: maverick masterlist

warnings: discussion of past experiences with homophobia from family members, outing as retaliation, mentions of being disowned, swearing, dear god please have mercy i am so in love with natasha, bob is bisexual and i stand by this, he’s also the best friend, Mav is the resident father figure i don’t make the rules, is it obvious i have the flirting skills of a rock, i’m not labelling Nat’s sexuality because everyone has different opinions on it, idk if this is clear but it takes place post-suicide mission, i have no idea if I got Nat’s character right

word count: 3,904

The feeling of Nat lightly moving her fingertips up and down your arm, the steadiness of her chest rising and falling, the muted sounds of the TV playing, all were slowly lulling you to sleep. Natasha gently shifted under you and you hummed, peeking an eye open at her. “Baby?” She asked softly. 

"Yeah?” 

“How do- how do you feel about telling the team?” She asked and you glanced up at her. “About us?” You shifted, moving to look at her fully and she moved to an upright position, keeping her arms wrapped loosely around your waist. 

“I mean, I don’t know, it freaks me out a little bit to be honest.” 

“Why honey?” She asked, moving a stray piece of hair behind your ear. You shrugged. 

“I know how military folks are, and I know that they aren’t gonna be supportive so- why-”

“Baby, it’s okay. We don’t have to tell them right now, not if you don’t want to. But I don’t think they’re gonna be mean about it.”

“Nat-”

“Just think about it okay?” You nodded, the look of pure love in her eyes overwhelming you. “I love you.” She whispered, placing a soft kiss to your cheek. 

“I love you.”

-

You giggled at your girlfriend as she approached the showers in the locker room. “You’re gross.” You said as she set her stuff down. 

“Yeah, Hangman left Bob and I out to dry again and it cost us the game and my not-having-to-do-200-pushups-in-95-degree-heat.” You snickered. 

“When will he learn?” You teased, admiring how your girlfriend managed to be exceptionally pretty even while sweaty and disgusting. She shot you a smirk, moving towards you, despite the fact that you had just gotten out of the shower yourself. “Oh, no, no, Phoenix, you’ll get me all gross too.” You groaned as she moved towards you. 

“Oh no, guess you’ll have to shower with me then.” She said smirking as she placed her hands on your cheeks, pulling you in for a kiss. Your hands found her waist as she slowly deepened the kiss. Sweat be damned, you couldn’t get enough of her.

“Jesus Christ, you two!” Halo yelled and you leaped away from Phoenix, heart beating against your chest. 

“Sorry Halo.” Phoenix apologized, a laugh gracing her features. You felt nauseous and put a hand out against the tile of one of the showers to steady yourself. Halo was still covering her eyes, making Nat laugh harder. “You’re fine Halo, I promise I won’t go back to making out with my girlfriend. Least not while you’re here.”

“Last time I forget my stuff.” She grumbled, moving towards one of the showers. “Wait- girlfriend? The two of you are-”

“Halo, you can’t tell anyone.” You found yourself saying, a pit of ice forming in your stomach at the sheer horror of the thought. 

“You let the wrong person find out then.” 

“Halo, I’m serious.” You said firmly. “No one can find out.” A flash of hurt crossed Phoenix’s face but almost as quickly as it arrived, it was gone. Halo raised her hands in surrender. 

“Fine, I can keep my mouth shut about this one. But maybe the two of you should consider keeping your hands off of each other in public if you don’t want people knowing.” You flipped her off as she snickered, disappearing back into the rest of the locker room. You turned back to your girlfriend, still feeling slightly nauseous. She shook her head and turned on the water to the shower. 

“Nat.” You groaned, already feeling that she was angry with you. You were greeted with the shower curtain shutting in your face and you sighed as you moved back to your locker. 

-

Maverick had decided to reward the team with a day of dogfight football, given the San Diego heat wave happening and per usual, it turned into a day of utter chaos. You sat off to the side with Bob after a few hours, sipping beer as you watched Rooster and Hangman stand in a very heated debate about who had actually scored the point for their team. “Nix is mad at you.” He said softly as you watch Phoenix pull Rooster away from Hangman. 

“I know.” Bob was the only one on the team who knew your relationship and the WSO had been sworn to secrecy, only being told after confessing his own bisexuality to you and Nat late one night. 

“Are you gonna fix it?”

“Explain to me how I’m gonna fix it Bob.” 

“You could start by telling them.” Before he’d even finished his sentence, you were shaking your head. “Why are you so against telling them?” 

“Because it’s not safe. Because I know how this ends.”

“How does it end?”

“With me losing my friends and the only decent father figure I’ve ever had and I can’t- I can’t go through that again.” Bob took a sip of his drink, studying you carefully.

“Your family isn’t supportive, are they?”

“I’m living in sin. This isn’t what’s expected of me and until I start acting like I’m supposed to, there’s no place for me among the greats.” You whispered, repeating the words your Dad had said the night he’d kicked you out and cut off contact. 

“What are we girlies gossiping about?” Coyote asked, placing himself in between you and Bob and you startled. Bob rolled his eyes at Coyote as Hangman, Rooster, and Phoenix made their way over, Fanboy and Payback not far behind them. Halo was currently trying throw Fritz into the ocean while Harvard and Yale cheered her on. Omaha was nowhere to be found and if you had to guess, he was probably down the beach talking to some girl who’d caught his attention. If you turned just slightly, Maverick was stood on the porch of the Hard Deck talking to Penny. 

“You done already?” Bob called out, choosing to ignore Coyote’s question. 

“You quit like halfway through, man.” Coyote said. 

“Who won?” You called, also ignoring Coyote. Coyote threw his hands up in the air in exasperation as he grabbed a beer from the cooler. Phoenix chuckled. 

“No one. Hangman and Rooster kept forgetting they were on the same team.” 

“Will there ever be a day where we can live with peace and harmony between the two of you?” You asked as the group arrived. “I mean, the bickering was entertaining for like, the first 5 minutes, but now the two of you just sound like an old married couple.” The two boys immediately began protesting at your words as Phoenix sat down next to you. You shot her a smile and she returned it. Things had been weird ever since Halo had found out about your relationship and although she’d kept her word, you knew keeping the relationship from the team was tearing at your relationship. Ignoring the two men who had now devolved to bickering with one another and a muttered agreement from the team about throwing them in the ocean, Payback and Fanboy sat down with the group. 

“What were you and Bob chatting about up here?” Fanboy asked as he popped his beer open. 

“Man, y’all are so nosy.” You muttered and Phoenix shot you a side glance. 

“Ace, you keep so many secrets from us, you never tell us anything.” Coyote groaned and you raised your eyebrows. 

“Hey Ace, is your Dad Admiral Frank Roberts?” Maverick called as he and Penny moved towards the group. “Penny thinks so but I think she’s wrong.” You slowly nodded. 

“I didn’t know you’re from a military family.” Rooster said, clearly having lost interest in his argument with Hangman as he grabbed a beer of his own, sitting down in the sand with the rest of the group. You shrugged. 

“It doesn’t matter. I don’t talk to them.” You felt Nat’s eyes on you as the group turned to look at you.

“How come?” Coyote asked and you shrugged again, not loving all the attention. 

“It’s complicated.” Rooster waved his hand, expecting you to continue and you shook your head. 

“Nope, that’s all you’re getting Bradshaw.” Maverick made a face and almost gave half a laugh and you turned to look at him. “What?”

He shook his head. “Nothing, I’ve just never had that great of experiences with your Dad.”

“Yeah, well, that makes two of us.” He looked at you, studying for a minute. 

“Well, despite that, you turned out pretty damn good kid.” Your cheeks burned, and you hoped everyone would think it was the beginning of a sunburn. 

“Thanks Mav.” You whispered and he patted your shoulder. Maverick quickly changed the topic, telling a story from his early days as a pilot. Phoenix nudged your shoulder as you tried to blink back tears. 

“You okay?” She whispered and you nodded, but quickly got up and walked away from the group. You couldn’t let them see you cry. 

-

You stood in the kitchen of your apartment, quietly getting a glass of water. Natasha had come over that night but things had been awkward and she’d long since fallen asleep in your bed anyways. Your brain was too busy weighing the events of the day, the ghosts of your past, the dilemmas of the present, so no, sleep was not exactly an option. You hadn’t wanted to wake Natasha so you stood in the kitchen, arms keeping you upright against the sink as you looked out over your yard. After you had left the group, Bob had come and found you and urged to let Nat in, tell her about why you didn’t want to tell the team. She knew you didn’t talk to your family but not why. There was no reason to project onto her or upset her. It would merely cause problems. 

But now this was causing problems. You knew that the two of you were at a standstill in your relationship and you knew, that on some level, Nat being able to be authentically herself with her friends was a top priority for her. And she couldn’t do that if she was in a relationship she was hiding. You swallowed, taking a sip of water as you thought about where the two of you would go from here. So lost in thought, you hadn’t heard your girlfriend come into the kitchen until her arms were wrapped around your waist and her head tucked up on your shoulder. “It’s late baby.” She muttered, still sleepy. “Why’re you up?” You shrugged.

“Couldn’t sleep.”

“Why baby?” She whispered and you thought about telling her the truth as you eyes burned with tears. You knew where this was headed. 

“Are you going to break me up with me if we don’t tell them?” You whispered, keeping your attention on the garden. She startled up, blinking away the sleep on her face. 

“Baby...”

“Answer the question.”

“Baby, I just wish you’d tell me why you don’t want them to know. Why you freaked out so bad when Halo found out.” You shook your head, moving away from her. 

“You’re avoiding the question.” She sighed, biting her lip. 

“Please don’t make me do this.” She whispered and you shook your head, trying to blink back the unshed tears. 

“Nat, I can’t- I can’t tell them.” You said, the first few tears starting to fall. “I can’t.” 

“Baby, what’s going on? Talk to me.” 

“I love you Nat, I do, but I can’t lose my family again. I just finally got one.” She moved towards you and you didn’t stop her from wrapping her arms around your chest, bringing you to hers. Your head fell into the crook of her neck as you cried, shoulders heaving with sobs. She held you tightly, whispering soft nothings in your ears as you broke down. You chest ached with the pain of knowing you’d lose your second family over this, but also maybe that you’d lose Nat too. Being with you wasn’t easy, and you knew you gave the pilot a run for her money. Eventually, after what felt like hours but was probably only a few minutes, when it felt like you had no tears left to cry, you tried to pull away from Nat. She kept her grip firmly on your waist, not letting you go far. 

“Darling, please tell me what’s going on. I’m worried about you.” She whispered, reaching up to tuck a piece of hair behind your ear. 

“God, it’s so stupid.” You muttered, shaking your head. 

“It’s not, sweetheart.” She assured and the use of the name she reserved for you and you only made your heart flutter, no matter the circumstances. You bit your lip, glancing away from her and reaching up to wipe away the remnants of your tears. 

“Penny’s right, that my Dad is Admiral Frank Roberts. And he, uh, he’s very clear on how his children are expected to act. And uh, being bisexual is on the very long list of dishonorable ways to behave. According to him, it’s a sin and isn’t right, and below the standards we were raised. And, well, in my early 20′s, my sister and I were fighting about, god I don’t even remember what-” Your voice faltered as you thought back to the painful nigh that took everything from you.

The kitchen door slammed behind your sister and your heart sank. You knew what she was about to do and with a deep breath, you followed behind her. Your parents, who had been in the middle of eating dinner, paused, listening to her as she angrily told them she had something to tell them. You froze in the doorway, heart beating against your ribcage. 

“(Y/N)’s bisexual. She’s got a girlfriend and everything.” Your sister spat and you briefly closed your eyes. You Dad dangerously lowered his fork to this plate, eyes narrowed. 

“(Y/N), is this true?” He asked slowly, the venom clear in his eyes. You knew there was no point in lying, knew with one look through your phone, it would show the truth. You nodded slowly as your Dad rose from the table. He paused in front of you, dangerously close to your face. You willed yourself to remain firm, defiant. “You know how I feel about those kinds of people.” He hissed and you swallowed. “You know how I feel about my kids being associated with those kinds of people.” He took a step back. “You’re living in sin, what you’re doing. This isn’t what’s expected of you and as far as I’m concerned you are no daughter of mine. There is no place for people like you among the greats like me.”

“Dad-”

“You’re a disappointment and a disgrace to the Roberts name and legacy. You always will be.” You took a shallow breath as he took every shot at you that he could. 

“Frank-” Your mom protested but he turned to her. 

“Can you honestly say that that is the kid we raised?” He asked pointing to you. She shook her head slowly, a distance in her eyes. He turned back to you, anger radiating off of him. 

“Get out of my house.” 

“-well, to make a horrible story short, she outed me to my parents and my Dad disowned me.” Phoenix took in a sharp breath as you finished your sentence. 

“Darling, I don’t-” She took a deep breath to steady herself and moved her hands up to grasp your face, forcing you to make eye contact with her. “Darling, there is nothing wrong with you, do you hear me? It’s not a sin, or dishonorable, or anything else that he might have said to you. You love who you love. You’re human. You’re so, so well-loved. By me, by Bob, by Mav, hell, even Hangman’s got a soft spot for you.” You snorted at that and she gave you a soft, albeit watery, chuckle. “I love you, and I’m so proud of you. I know your parents probably aren’t saying it. What your sister did, well-” She took a deep breath as a flicker of anger crossed her face. “Well, it was shitty and it was cruel and you didn’t deserve that. You didn’t deserve any of that.” You nodded, feeling the tears once again crawl up your throat again, but this time for a different reason. “I’m proud of you and I wake up grateful every day that you chose me to stick out life with and I want to shout it from the rooftops and rub it in our friends faces every goddamn day.” You chuckled and she smiled, rubbing your cheekbone with one of her thumbs. “We don’t have to ever tell the team if you don’t want to but they’re not going to react they way you think they’re going to, the way your family did. And if anybody dared to speak to you that way, hell, I’d be getting in my F18 getting ready to take a dishonorable discharge for crushing them.” You let an outright laugh at that, a warm feeling settling in your chest. You nodded, pulling Nat into a hug. 

“Thank you.” You murmured into her shoulder. You weren’t sure what you were thanking her for specifically but you wanted her to know how grateful you were she was there with you. As if hearing your thoughts, she pressed a soft kiss to your neck. 

“I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else baby.” 

-

You took a deep breath as the two of you entered the Hard Deck, holding her hand. You had made the decision to tell the team tonight and you were willing to brave any reaction they had, so long as Phoenix was by your side. You appeared at the pool table, where everyone was located, minus Mav. Phoenix squeezed your hand gently as the two of you stopped and attention turned to the two of you. “Alright fuckers, listen up. Ace and I are dating and we love each other very much. If anybody has a problem this, you can take it up with me.” The table stared back at her in shock as you gripped onto her hand, sure your knuckles were going white. 

“You all owe me so much money.” Rooster said finally, turning back to the group. Nat raised an eyebrow. 

“Bradshaw, you bet on my relationship?” 

“Oh, hell yeah. You two were not exactly subtle. We just placed bets on when you’d tell us.” Nat cocked her head as you spluttered. 

“Halo, you promised!” The team looked over to her, curious. 

“You knew?” Coyote asked incredulously. She shrugged her shoulders. 

“I walked in on them making out.”

“But she was sworn to secrecy.” Phoenix reassured, watching as Rosoter’s eyes went wide.

“As was I.” Bob said from his seat on the side. The team swiveled to him. 

“Trace, I can not believe you didn’t tell me!” Rooster exclaimed and she chuckled. 

“Rooster, don’t blame her, it was my decision.” You protested as he stared in shock at Nat. After a few minutes, when the shock wore off, the table picked up it’s normal chatter as Bob hugged you. 

“Proud of you Ace.” He whispered and you squeezed him. 

“Thanks Bob.” You pulled away and glanced over to the bar, seeing Maverick talking to Penny. 

“Does he know?” He asked and you shook your head. You took a deep breath and turned back to Phoenix. 

“Hey, I’m gonna go talk to Maverick real quick.” She nodded, pressing a chaste kiss to your lips. 

“I love you.” She whispered, and you smiled. 

“I love you too.” You shook out your nerves as you walked over to the bar and towards Penny and Maverick. They smiled at you and you had to remind yourself that this was Maverick. “Hey Mav.” You said and he greeted you. “Could I possibly- could we go talk outside for a moment?” His eyes flickered over to Penny but he nodded. He grabbed his beer and the two you left the relatively busy Hard Deck and out to the beach. He sat down on the bench and you sat next to him, taking a deep breath. You felt his eyes watch you carefully as you fiddled with the rings on your hand. 

“You okay, kiddo?” You shook your head, feeling on the verge of an anxiety attack. He shifted as his position went from casual to concerned. “What’s wrong?” 

“Well, nothing really, I’ve just- just got something to tell you and I’m scared.” He took a sip of his beer, nodding slowly. 

“Well kid, I’m ready to hear it whenever you want to say it.” 

“Um, well, okay, here goes nothing I guess. Um, I’m bisexual. Phoenix and I are dating, have been for the past few months.” He was silent for a minute. 

“You worried I’m gonna get the two of you in trouble? Cause I won’t-” You cut him off with a shake of your head. 

“No, um, it’s kind of embarrassing actually. Um, well, you’re kind of like my father figure, uhm, especially because I don’t talk to mine, and uh, well this is the reason why I don’t.” Maverick took in your words. 

“I don’t think that’s embarrassing at all.” He said finally and you let out a watery laugh, not realizing you were close to tears. “I love you all, and yeah, I guess I’ve kind of taken on the role of Dad figure, haven’t I?” You nodded as he pulled you into a side-hug. “Kiddo, if we’re being honest, I’ve known about you and Phoenix since she ripped Coyote a new one for screwing you over during training.” You gave a small laugh and he shook your shoulders. “But, uh, being in the military for as long as I have, I’ve heard a thing or two about your Dad.” 

“Oh yeah?” He grimaced, nodding. 

“Yeah, you- you hear a thing or two about how he treats his kids too.” You looked over at Mav. 

“Does, he- does he talk about what he did?” Mav nodded slowly. 

“He’s very proud of how he treated you. And, uh, when I first met you, I thought ‘There’s no way this kid is his.’ Because Ace, you are an outstanding pilot and an even better woman and in no way compare to the vileness that is your father.” You sniffed. 

“Thanks Mav.” He smiled at you. 

“I love you kid, and I’m happy that you’re happy. I’m happy that Phoenix make you happy because you deserve it. And I know that the Navy loves to tout it’s diversity, but I also know you know how it really is. So thank you for trusting me with this, because I know it’s not easy.” Maverick squeezed your shoulder. “What the saying, blood is thicker than water?” 

“The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.” You corrected and he laughed. 

“Of course you know that. Anyways, my point is, you’ve got a pretty good group of friends in there, who really care about you and Trace. And, uh, your family might not have been supportive but they sure as hell will be.” You smiled, not realizing how badly you needed to hear those words. 

“Thank you, Maverick. You really- really don’t understand how much this means to me.”

“Of course, kid. Your family’s always gonna be here for you. Never gonna lose them again.”

[yoooespinosa]

you’ll be okay / i’ll be okay | t.n

➤ Summary: When theo goes against his fathers beliefs, he seeks comfort in reader once consequences are shown.

➤ Warnings: hurt/comfort, light cursing, shitty parents, prejudiced views, tell me if there’s anything else

➤ a/n: this was supposed to be a blurb lol. this was a request (i think) but i can’t find the ask.

➤ Word count: 2.4k

Masterlist | Taglist

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

The first flicker of apprehension of the prejudiced beliefs theodore’s father instilled into his brain was in his first year of hogwarts.

He was told muggleborns were inferior. That they were filthy and had no place in the wizarding world. He was told that they were stupid and they knew no sense. Every cold and cruel word was strung with the mention of muggleborns.

But if muggleborns didn’t belong, how could hermione granger know more about the world she just discovered? Much more than he, a boy, who was born into magic and the world surrounding it.

The second time these doubts and wonders flooded his thoughts, was in third year.

He’s heard of the word mudblood. Has heard his father use the word, falling from his mouth with all the casualty in the world.

He’s even seen his friends throw the word around. Like it was something so simple, like the word itself didn’t hold a callous meaning.

But, he had never used the word himself, not until third year.

It was immature. The word slipping from his mouth, scraping his tongue dry, all for the sake of his appearance.

It tasted of ash. Burning his mouth, the taste lingering after. He never wanted to use the word again. Especially after seeing your disappointed gaze pointed at him, when the victim of his foul mouth ran away with tears threatening to escape.

Since then, it was a consistent line of vacillation.

Every raise of granger’s hand had skepticism sinking slowly into his chest. Every wince from that repugnant word, every shake of your head and disheartening expression, every helping hand given by you to those he was taught to turn his shoulder on; had him questioning everything.

It had him questioning and breaking through the haze of these beliefs his father burned through his head. And the longer those questions went unanswered, he sought to find them in your kindness. The way you were friendly to anyone, despite their blood. How you never treated anyone unfairly for something they had no control over. He found his answers in your acceptance regardless that you were raised just the same as he was.

So, he did what would probably have his father strangling him with his bare hands, if he ever found out. What he didn’t know wouldn’t hurt him though.

His approach was hesitant. Sweat had gathered in his palms as he fidgeted with them, his steps timid. There were two reasons he was so timerous, firstly he had never been good at apologies and lastly he hadn’t planned for you to see the shit show of his attempt.

It only felt right to ask for granger’s forgiveness first, she seemed to be the focal point of every preconception.

He hadn’t expected granger to welcome him with open arms, if he was being honest, he wouldn’t have been surprised if he walked away with a bloody nose.

But, maybe it was the obvious sheen of moisture above his brow, his stumbling upon words and real genuine flickering in his eyes, that had her giving him a stiff nod and appreciation of his apology.

Whatever it was, it had him filled with refreshing relief. The proud smile you wore, only doubling it.

It went on like that; making amends.

Theo tried doing it subtly, but it was easier said than done. And the longer it went on, word got back to his father by some certain slytherins who had turned to giving deadly glares at him.

It wasn’t until a familiar owl came swooping down that morning, a scroll attached to its leg, that the consequences of his veiled rebellion sunk in.

Dread filled him whole, chest compacting in, as ice flooded his veins.

His breath seemed to pick up on its own accord and face paling with each line he read.

The letter was filled with vile words, that hadn’t affected theo much, this wouldn’t be the first time he’s disappointed his father.

No, what had his hands shaking and distress clear on his face was something else entirely. Something that he never even thought the man who raised him, ruthless and spiteful, would do.

-I had to hear about who my son is occupying by none other than fellow classmates. Do you even know how demeaning that is?

I thought i taught you better than this Theodore.

If my years of grounding you did not convey the Nott’s beliefs, then you are not welcome back in this household. No son of mine would ever breathe the same air as a filthy mudb-

He could no longer read anymore, the space around him feeling like it was closing in.

Theo felt as if his heart dropped. He was no longer welcomed home, even if that manor no longer felt like a home since his mother’s passing.

He hated his father, always has, but this letter was still a hit to his chest.

Pulling on his collar, he crumbled the letter and stuffed it into his pocket, standing up from the bench.

The walk out of the great hall was obscure, as was his friends calling his name and your concerned gaze following his hasty footsteps.

Theo skipped the school day. Ditching his classes, instead laying in bed all day, trying to rid of the breaths that felt like razors going in.

He had only had time to take off his shirt and change to sleeping bottoms and throwing himself into his cold sheets. Burying himself with silk and cotton, hiding from the world and his fathers acidulous words.

He hated how much it made his throat tighten. That even if he held such distaste for the man who raised him, it still fucking pained him that he saw him as shameful.

He laid in his bed for hours. The water hitting the dorm windows growing darker, until all you could see was shadows of the life passing by occasionally.

He heard his roommates come in through his closed curtains, even hearing blaise calling his name, but he only submerged deeper into his pillow.

It wasn’t until the light shining through the narrow gap of his curtain, shut off, that everything felt like too much.

His hands shaking from the force of holding his emotions in. But it feel like it was close to bubbling over, flooding and drowning him, and he didn’t want to endure that alone.

He got up from his bed before he could change his mind. Almost tripping over his tangled sheets. Goosebumps rose from his skin, as the rigid air hit his bare chest.

Throwing on a sweater, he stepped outside the dorm and made his way to the opposite side of the boy’s dormitory.

A knock on your door had you waking from your sleepy haze, finally finding a comfortable spot and the running thoughts hitting a wall.

The knock was slow and hesitant. Like the person behind the door was second guessing.

You waited only a few seconds to see if your roommates would open the door and when none of them shifted, you got up begrudgingly.

The sight behind the door was a surprise to you.

Theodore nott. You had never been too close, only ever having casual conversations and stealing glances across halls.

Confusion only grew at the state he was in.

His hands shaking and fidgeting with the ends of his jumper. Hazel eyes holding a glassy sheen to them, water building in his waterline. A frown evident on his face, a strained look. And his shoulders slumped, like he was carrying burdens on his back.

He looked restless. Close to what he looked like only this morning when his owl flew towards him.

“Theo?” You whispered, not wanting to wake up the sleeping dorm mates.

“Hey,” He whispered back, barely audible. He was looking down at the floor, his voice tight, like something was lodged in his throat.

He didn’t say anything else. Opening his mouth, but closing it, he wasn’t sure why he was there.

You looked around your room, speculating if you should invite him in. Looking back at him, he looked so sad, that you couldn’t possibly close the door on him.

“Do you want to come inside?” Voice soft, scared to speak any louder. The wrong tone looked as if it could cause him a breakdown.

He nodded, dubious.

Moving to the side, he walked in with tentative steps. Eyes searching around the dim room.

You led him to your bed, sitting across from each other on the small space, closing your curtains for the privacy he looked to need.

Casting a silencing charm, you brought all your attention to the fidgety boy sitting across from you.

“Are you okay theo?”

He breathed out a shaky sigh, swallowing heavily, your eyes followed the motion.

“Yeah, i just-“ He cut himself off, swallowing again. His voice was wavering slightly, words hard to get out.

Clenching his eyes shut, he moved his fingers to massage his temples. You stayed quiet, letting him take his time.

A few minutes passed by of him not saying anything, his breaths shallow.

Moving a hand to his back, you rubbed in light circles, looking to sooth any anxiety’s. “It’s okay, theo. You can talk to me.”

He opens his eyes, rimmed red. “I got a letter from my father this morning.” He said, an obvious determination to contain his emotions from shining through.

You nod, letting him continue.

“He said-“ He grimaced, embarrassed by his vulnerability. “I no longer have a place to go home to.” He settles with.

A low gasp escapes your throat involuntarily. “I’m so sorry th-“

He shakes his head forcefully, “It’s fine. I’m fine.” His voice not as firm as he meant it to be.

He was sniffling here and there, tears brimming his eyes, desperately wanting to find home on his cheeks.

“You can cry theo. It’s okay to cry.” You move your hand to the nape of his neck, tugging him closer, wanting to embrace the forlorn boy.

Those words seemed to be the wire snapping. A chocked sob and tears flowing freely as you laid his head against your chest, arms wrapping around him and pulling him impossibly close.

“I’m sorry,” He gasps through cries. Voice pitiful, like he should be apologizing for his tears, like it was a burden.

“There’s nothing to be sorry for, theo.” You spoke softly, fingers tangling in his hair, running reposeful motions on his scalp.

Moving one hand to his back, you laid both of you down onto your pillows. Letting his head fall into the crook of your neck, as he gripped your shirt desperately, afraid you’d disappear.

One hand ran through his hair, another rubbing circles onto his shaking back. Calming and relaxing movements to lull him to peace.

He cried into your chest, shirt wet from his tears. You didn’t mind though, instead choosing to whisper sweet nothings into his ear.

Every soft word spoken to him, had the rapid beating of his heart, slow down. His heaving breaths that filled the room, thankful you casted a silencing charm prior, evening out.

Tears were still running down his cheeks, but the knot that formed into his throat had dissipated.

“I hate him.” He said, voice hoarse, his hot breathe hitting your neck.

“I know.” Never stopping your caresses, only holding him tighter.

And because, you know he felt shame for still caring, you added, “He’s still your dad though.” Reassurance that he needed, but would never ask for.

That helped loosen some tension. Sinking into your body further.

“I have no where to go for christmas break,” He mumbled, more to himself, an afterthought.

You were sure his friends would have him with welcoming arms, but his mind was muddled and he wasn’t the most optimistic version of himself at this moment.

“You could always stay with me,” You offered.

He scoffed a laugh, sniffles following after. “Your parents are just as shitty. Wouldn’t be surprised if my father already spread the news of my betrayal.” Reconsidering his words, “Fuck, i’m sorry.”

You chuckled lightly, “Its fine. They are shitty.” A forethought, “Then, i’ll stay here in hogwarts this christmas. With you.”

He sighs feebly, shaking his head. “You don’t have to do that.” He said. “Me barging in here and waking you up with my problems, was already asking for a lot.”

Shaking your head gently, hands smoothing out his sweater. “I don’t mind at all.” Because you didn’t, you felt honored that he felt he could come to you. That you were the person he sought solace from in his distressed state.

“Still, i’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.”

Silence stretched for a moment, small waves hitting the window.

“Thank you.” He drawled, voice slurring as your ministrations were lulling him into a sleepy haze. “We barely talk, but you still opened the door for me. It means a lot.”

A smile spread across your cheeks. “You’re welcome to my bed anytime you want.”

He snickered weakly at the double entendre and you tugged lightly at his strands as reverence.

Regrettably, he got up from your hold. Taking a deep breathe as he stretched, his eyes puffy and tears staining his flushed cheeks.

He looked at your closed curtain, staring at the seams, for a moment. His eyes going back to you seconds after. Eyes that were haunted not so long ago, now holding vehemence.

“I should probably go back to my dorm,” He said lamentably. His movements indolent, when moving to get up from your warm sheets.

Without hesitation, your hand held his. Drawing him closer. “You can stay.” Then adding, “If you want.”

He was dithering about the thought, clear on his face. Eyes moving towards yours, the bed, then the curtains.

“I won’t mind.” And because he still didn’t look much convinced, “I want you to.”

Relief embraced him, cutting loose every tense bone and taut muscle.

He laid back down, hand still held in yours, pulling the sheets over you both.

Both facing each other, laying side by side, you get to look at him. You have never seen him this up close before. A shame, you hadn’t sooner.

“You’ll be okay.” You said, an automatic response to reassure him.

He smiled, strained, but still a smile.

“I’ll be okay.” He repeated, manifesting.

You pressed a kiss to his forehead, soft, yet firm. Holding every encouragement, in the feel of your lips against his skin.

Pulling back, his eyes were closed, fluttering open at the feel of your gaze.

He smiles, tranquility.

You both fell asleep like that. Hands clasped together, soft smiles fitting your faces and a lip shaped scar aflame on his forehead.

I’ll be okay, repeating over in his head. Echoing your voice, your consolations.

He would be okay. Because you had said so.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

[matt-erialgirl]

OMGOODNESS Heidi! Congratulations! 🎉 That’s so exciting! You deserve all the hugs and all the love, my friend and I love youuuuu! ❤️

As far as prompts go, I had a hard time picking between C and D but I think I’m gonna have to go with Love Confessions C-36!

AAAAAAAAA ERICCA THANK YOU MY DARLING AND I LOVE YOU MORE ♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️ I hope you like this one!!

C-36: ”I love you and that’s why I have to leave.” ”Well I love you, and that’s why you need to stay”

Knock

Knock

Knock

“Matt,” you called out, your fist coming down against the timber of the door in three more harsh knocks, “I know you’re in there.”

“Matt?” You called out again, pushing your forehead against the door. Before you could get another word out, a door behind you pushed open.

“Sorry, Fran,” you groaned, turning around and shooting Matt’s neighbour an apologetic look, “he’s being a hardass. Hasn’t been picking up my calls. I’ll keep it down.”

Fran huffed out a string of unintelligible words before pushing her door shut as you called out another apology after her. 

“Matt,” you mumbled this time with a much gentler knock, knowing he can hear every breath you take, “I just want to talk. I want to know what I did and I want to see if I can fix it. But please don’t give me the silent treatment. It sucks.”

You waited a while longer, your head aching from being pressed up against the wood.

“I can’t go back to my life like you were never in it, Matt,” you sighed, “please, just talk to me.”

After another minute, the lock clicked, making you stand back as you waited for the door to open. Matt stood at the now open door, his lips pursed and his eyes cast down. Your eyes raked over him before you threw yourself at him in a hug, your arms wrapping around his neck and your face buried against his neck.

“I’m so glad you’re okay,” you whispered against his skin, your arms tightening around him as the palm of his hand gently touched your back, urging you to let go.

Disheartened by Matt not returning your hug, you started to feel like you really had upset him in some terrible way that you were unaware of.

“What have I done, Matty?” You asked him quietly, pulling away from him and nervously playing with the hems of your sleeves.

“I need you to leave,” Matt exhaled, his voice sad and pained, his eyes avoiding looking in your direction altogether, “please. Don’t make this difficult.”

“Why?” You asked, tears starting to sting at your eyes as they searched Matt’s face frantically, “Matt, whatever it is, we can talk about it. We’re friends, aren’t we?”

“Please,” Matt pressed, his voice catching in his throat, “I love you, and that’s why I need you to leave.”

Your brows furrowed in confusion, your heart hammering against your sternum.

Love? He did say love. But why tell me to leave? Why does he want me to leave? 

“Is this about me finding out about you being Dare—” you started, but Matt shushed you in panic before pulling you into his apartment and shutting the door.

“Sorry! Sorry, I meant finding out about your, uh,” you breathed, lowering your voice, your back against the closed door as Matt’s hands landed against the timber on either side of your head, extracurricular activities.”

“God, please, don’t call it that,” Matt breathed out a short, quiet laugh, his breath fanning out across your face.

“If you love me,” you started, “why do you want me gone, Matt?”

“Because I will never forgive myself if something happens to you because of me,” Matt admitted, his hand tucking a strand of your hair behind your ear, “I can’t let you get hurt.”

“Well, I love you,” you exhaled, your hands cradling Matt’s face in your, “and that’s why I need to stay. I want to be there for you. I want to be the one person you can fall back on.”

“And you were calling me a hardass,” Matt smiled halfheartedly, his little jab making you beam, “to be honest, this is not how I thought you’d find out about how I feel about you.”

“You’re the one who shut me out when you should have been pulling me closer, so yes, you’re the hardass,” you nodded, letting your fingers play loosely with Matt’s hair, “and I am not exactly just finding out about your undying love for me, Matty.”

“Oh?” Matt grinned, wanting nothing more than to hold on to this moment for the rest of time, the worry filling his heart for your safety slowly being quelled by the reassurance of your presence.

“Absolutely,” you confirmed happily, “you weren’t exactly discreet. So much for the sneaky Devil of Hell’s Kitchen. As subtle as a gun, you are.”

“I love you,” Matt said again, his arms wrapping around your waist to bring you closer to him.

“And I’ll never leave you,” you promised, placing a gentle kiss to Matt’s chest, right on top of where his heart beats.