#after that lost media post i decided to make another pass to see if i had that story in any of my dropboxes/google drives/etc and i didn't

[isolatedphenomenon]

.

[brainddeadd]

luke had a massive crush on the social media girl at umich but it was never the right time and she had graduated before he did. they lost contact a bit and he didn’t know where she ended up going so when he gets to the devils he realized she’s the social medial team there…. they finally get together

Luke Hughes had a crush. Not just any crush—the crush. Ever since his sophomore year at the University of Michigan, he'd been captivated by the girl who ran the social media for the Wolverines' hockey team. Whether she was filming behind-the-scenes clips or making witty posts about their games, she always seemed to be around, with her bright smile and camera in hand.

But it never felt like the right time. Between the chaos of school, hockey, and his nerves getting the best of him, he never made a move. Then, suddenly, she graduated. Just like that, she was gone from campus, and Luke lost track of where she went. They exchanged a few DMs, but it fizzled out quickly. Life moved on, and Luke threw himself into his hockey career.

Flash forward, and Luke had just been called up to the New Jersey Devils. The excitement of making it to the NHL was overwhelming, but it came with the expected anxiety of adjusting to a new team and city. He walked into the Devils' training facility for his first media day, feeling a little jittery, when he froze.

There she was.

Standing there, camera in hand, laughing with a few of the other media team members.

He blinked, sure he was seeing things. There was no way—no way—she was now working for the Devils.

His heart skipped a beat. Suddenly, it wasn’t the nerves of making his NHL debut that were rattling him. It was the same girl who'd haunted his thoughts since his days at UMich.

"Luke?" she called out, noticing his stare.

"Y-yeah. Hi," he stammered, feeling like a sophomore all over again.

She smiled, just as bright and warm as ever. "It's been a while! Guess we're on the same team again."

Luke swallowed, trying to hide the redness creeping up his neck. "Yeah... crazy, huh?"

From that moment on, they ran into each other constantly. Whether it was during team interviews, behind-the-scenes content shoots, or just passing in the hallway, Luke couldn't help but feel like fate had given him a second chance.

This time, he wasn’t going to let it slip through his fingers.

---

Weeks went by, and their interactions grew more frequent. They joked around during team shoots, shared stories about UMich, and slowly, the tension between them built until it was palpable. Luke couldn’t deny it any longer. He had to do something.

One evening, after a big win, the media team was finishing up their content. The locker room was clearing out, and Luke found her still editing clips from the game.

"Hey," he said, walking over, his hands tucked in his jacket pockets. "Got a minute?"

She looked up, smiling softly. "Yeah, what's up?"

He hesitated for a moment, then decided to go for it. "You know, I've had this massive crush on you since our days back at UMich. I never did anything about it back then, and I regretted it when you left. But now... we're both here. And I don't want to miss another chance."

She blinked in surprise, her eyes wide. "Luke..."

Before she could say anything else, he spoke again, his nerves finally giving way to honesty. "So, what do you think? Want to grab dinner sometime? No cameras, no media, just us?"

Her stunned expression softened into a grin, and she nodded. "I think I’d really like that."

Luke let out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding. Finally, after all this time, it was the right moment.

[peachhcs]

THE NEW BREAKUP TIMELINE!!

hughes!sister x will smith au (samy + will)

after some consideration, i'm changing the breakup timeline for our lovely friends samy and will!!! wooohooo!! (because let's be real, could i really drag it out that long? no.) i've bulleted everything that's changed, so take a read and see what's new!! i will be writing bigger fics for the major points so don't worry, but if there's any bullets you want expanded into a fic or blurb, let me know!!

i will still keep the previous breakup timeline fics up, we'll just pretend some of it doesn't exist and it's like a parellel universe to the au lmao. the charm bracelet still does exist btw!! but yay!! enjoy new samy and will timeline!! i just love them so much i couldn't drag it out more, so i changed it up!! also yes will's new post may have influenced this decision as well :))

au masterlist

will breaks up with samy a few days after they get back from worlds (end of May) 

will signs with the san jose sharks (end of May) 

samy and will don’t speak for the month of June (the longest they’ve gone without talking)

will goes to the bauer combine where he talks to this girl in hopes of getting his mind off samy, but it doesn’t work because when he makes a joke that the girl doesn’t laugh at because only samy gets, will realizes it’s all wrong and he shouldn’t have broken up with her 

this highkey makes him spiral hard because he realizes how big of a mistake he made 

he panic calls gabe and ryan in hopes that they’ll tell him what to do 

gabe and ryan tell him that he needs to talk to her!! 

will’s scared to reach back out because what if samy doesn’t want to talk to him (rightfully so)  

he goes back home for a bit where he confides in grace and his mom (for once!!) 

they tell him that he should reach out if he wants it’s really up to him, but he needs to realize he lost all of samy’s trust because of what he did and said, so she may not warm up to him as quickly or easily 

meanwhile, samy sees all the content of will at the combine which makes her happy and sad at the same time 

happy because he’s experiencing all these things and meeting so many new people, but sad because she misses him and wishes they worked something out between them or at least talked more before will made that decision

she doesn’t reach out though. too scared and not wanting to distract him from working on all his media things 

another week passes and now it’s july which means the smith + hughes family vacation is coming up!! 

(i said will would skip out on this, but i’m changing it so he does end up showing up) it’s the first time they’ve seen one another since the breakup so two months 

they’re kind of awkward and avoid each other at first because they’re only really there because their parents forced them to be 

samy hangs around on the deck or anywhere away from the boys because she knows wherever her brothers are, will is there 

(jack, quinn, and luke are like lowkey still pissed at will, but they cool off a bit when they talk to him about it more and see that he really regrets it and wants to get back together) 

on the third day, samy and will can’t keep avoiding each other. they’re the only ones awake one night after a long day going out and about with everyone 

will approaches samy first when he finds her down on the dock just sitting by herself 

they talk some awkward small talk before getting into the meat of everything 

in short, will admits he messed up, he was just scared of the distance and not being good enough for her because he’s gonna be so far away once summer’s over and he doesn’t want to hold her back from anything 

samy half forgives him, but tells him she wishes he talked to her more. basically, will’s going to have to work to get her trust back and he definitely knows that, so they decide to start back as friends before jumping into anything

after that talk, the rest of the vacation is less awkward and they slowly warm back up to one another which the parents are happy to see 

the smiths go back to boston after the vacation, so samy and will don’t see one another again until the end of july/beginning of august when will’s move out is coming up  

they still talk a bit over text though 

(the farewell party is a bit different now and will knows they’re coming instead of finding out the morning before and they talk at the party again. another mini reunion again) 

samy talks with gabe and ryan privately later that day about her and will. 

once the party’s over, samy and her family and the guys stay back for a bit and they all just hang out like old times

later that night, will gets samy alone again. they make cute little small talk which leads to will asking samy to fly out to california with him to help him move in like they always talked about 

she agrees and so they’re all flying out that next week  

they spend that whole weekend decorating will’s apartment and making it “him” 

the day before samy flies back home to start her own pre season camps for soccer, will takes a chance and takes samy out on a date 

it’s like they never even broke up in the first place on that date 

by the end of the night, will asks samy if they could try again and he promises he won’t fuck it all up again 

samy agrees and they get back together with the promise that the distance doesn’t matter no matter what happens!! 

[estellemusings]

HSR-Scenarios

Dan Heng x Reader

Summary : after 6 years you broke up with him

Notes : Break up, angst, mostly dan heng POV

Inspired by : Day 6 - Congratulations

Dan Heng stares at you from across the table. Tension filled the air, it wasn't your usual date in fact this is your last one

After six years you decide to end it all, not because you have another but you fall out of love with him.

You know it's absurd but that's the truth.

"Are you sure?" Dan Heng asks again

You look over and give him a faint smile

"I am, we both knew this relationship was going nowhere" You forced a smile while looking at him

"Did you have someone else" Dan Heng wanted to disagree but you cut him off

"Dan Heng I wouldn't cheat on you. We tried, we did everything to make this relationship last. But every story has an ending and this is ours"

Dan Heng was about to reach out for your hand but retract it in the end. He looked at you and for a moment he realized your eyes didn't show the way it used to.

"Guess this the end" he forced a smile

You smiled back and place the ring on the table

"I'm just here to return it, you'll find someone better to give it to"

"But there's no one better" he mumbled under his breath

That night as you left the restaurant, is also the day you left into his life.

<hr>

Dan Heng felt his heart have been ripped out of his chest. Every time he breathes it hurts.

He wanted to make it work, he tried to make it work but still he lost you.

Some days he sometimes sees you in the corner of his eyes. Smiling and looking at him full of love and not the dull gaze he saw the last time he saw you.

3 months passed by , since that they. He tried to avoid looking at your social media but on some days he failed.

He just misses you

How could he just move on easily when you're part of his life for more than 6 years

But you haven't updated anything since your break up

Until now.

Dan Heng sitting alone in his room, scrolling through his phone when a notification pops out.

Seeing you have a brand new post, he hurriedly clicked it soon after he regretted it.

He could feel his chest tightens looking at the photo.

You were holding a bouquet of flowers with a bright smile plastered on your lips. Your eyes shining brightly at whoever your looking at

It was the same look that you gave him, it was also the same gaze that kills him inside.

He knew at that moment while he was trying so hard to forget you. You already fall someone else

© telle's musings

12-11-23

[princeysage]

@ princeysage's Dream SMP x QSMP AU - a holy yap sesh from yours truly! ;P

So I was chatting to an IRL friend of mine about this the other day after seeing some posts about it and decided I needed to get it down. Both the QSMP and the Dream SMP are wonderful lore-filled servers, and I (along with many others) have thought about interesting ways in which the two could cross over. Across social medias, I’ve seen many fascinating interpretations of a crossover between the two servers, and so here’s mine to add to the pile!

The Main Explanations of Sage’s AU:

The events of the QSMP take place ~100 years after the events of the Dream SMP. The events of the QSMP immediately succeeding the DSMP events/vice versa would be a little too patchy and lots of lore from both servers would be inapplicable. My personal timeline of this AU is that the Dream SMP takes place in the year of 2020, in an alternate universe in which hybrids and other fantasy creatures exist, as well as phenomena like reincarnation and immortality. The main events of the server occur, and everybody progressively passes as time goes on. Around 80 years later, the events of the QSMP Memories trailer occurs, and then another 20 years later (so around 100 years) the events of the QSMP occur.

The members of the Dream SMP either die and do not reincarnate, die and reincarnate on the QSMP, or stay alive long enough to see both. And this depends heavily on the character. It goes as follows:

Every other character on the Dream SMP who is not on the QSMP eventually died and did not reincarnate in the time and location of the QSMP.

From the Dream SMP, Quackity, Slimecicle, Tubbo, and Wilbur all passed away in their own ways post-Dream SMP [note 1], but reincarnated in the era of the QSMP with memories so hazy of their past lives that they did not recognise or remember each other.

Thus leaves the two characters that lived long enough to see both events of the servers, but in two different ways. Foolish lived through the events of both servers, but due to undecided reasons as of now lol, lost his memories of the DSMP and thus did not recognise anybody from the QSMP he would have known. Then, there’s Philza – an immortal angel of death, whom was old enough to live through both servers’ events and remember it all. He does in fact recognise Foolish, as well as the reincarnations of other members like Quackity and Tubbo, but due to none of them remembering him, he keeps it private. There’s also a few muddled parts involving other members of the DSMP being mentioned/featured on the QSMP despite not actually being part of it.

Technoblade is mentioned in lore as Chayanne’s uncle, and this is pretty self-explanatory. Techno and Phil were very close in the Dream SMP, and Phil reminisces sweetly on these times through making references to the Antarctic Empire and referring to Chayanne as Techno’s nephew.

Tommy makes an appearance on the QSMP (this blond little shit is everywhere omg) through a phone call with Tubbo, and in my AU, Tommy is a ghost that Tubbo doesn’t remember anything about except for the fact that they were best friends in a past life.

The actual locations of the Dream SMP and QSMP: One of these is canon, and one is.. decidedly less canon.

The location of the Dream SMP is not confirmed in lore, but through a DSMP wiki article comment thread I found, as well as various mentioned lore; in my AU, the Dream SMP takes place somewhere along the coast of North Carolina, USA. This location makes the most sense not only for the geography (except for snowchester + the antarctic empire… shh this is a universe where hybrids exist not everything has to make sense), but also for where the members come from. In this AU, the members do not simply come from unnamed places, but in fact come from where the content creators playing them come from (e.g Dream is American, Tommy is British, Quackity is Mexican, etc.). How they ended up in NC depends on the character, but they pretty much just happened to end up there during the respective times they joined.

The location of the QSMP on Earth is actually canon – confirmed by Maximus’ supercomputer SOFIA’s antenna, Quesadilla Island is confirmed to be at Point Nemo (of which the exact coordinates are 48°52'36.0"S 123°23'36.0"W, I tried to link the google maps page but it didnt work :[ ...), also known as the farthest point on Earth from human communication, found in the Pacific Ocean between South America and New Zealand. Now, there is actually nothing at Point Nemo in real life (it’s just empty ocean), and so due to the QSMP taking place in the future – in this AU, Quesadilla Island, as well as the surrounding islands like the Purgatory Island, were built by The Federation. [note 2] Of course, as in the canon QSMP as well as the Dream SMP in this AU, all characters come from where their content creators come from.

my notes: note 1 - my headcanons for their deaths in this au are as follows:

wilbur died of substance abuse in utah. (sorry not sorry)

tubbo died of old age out in the woods after a happy life with tom.

quackity moved (back) to mexico and lived a more peaceful life there, dying of old age.

slimecicle came with quackity, worked with him, and also passed of old age. note 2 - this is not properly confirmed but fairly backed up in the qsmp lore by the qsmp memories trailer, as the way the federation promotes quesadilla island in the video hints at the fact that it was hand-crafted by the federation themselves.

There's more in my head about this AU, if this post garners any attention I might write + post more and maybe even draw some stuff about it! thanks for reading <3

[jellybeanium124]

Hi, Australian Jew here.

Sending this anonymously because I'm not openly Jewish on Tumblr, however I am considering doing so in the short-term.

I'm sorry to bother you but I wanted to ask you a few questions, if you're open to it (feel free to ignore this if so). Just so you know, I'm asking the same questions of the Jewish bloggers I follow who post regularly - both those who blog about the current Israel/Palestine situation, and those who identify as Jewish but post mainly fandom/other content.

Do you or have you receive/d abuse for being Jewish, or for your stance on the war? If so, how often? How do you respond to any hateful messages? Do you post them publicly or answer them privately? How much would you say your mental health is/has been affected by any messages, or by the content you see on your feed? Have you developed any strategies for handling social media during this time?

Thank you for reading. :-)

I've received maybe half a dozen antisemitic hate anons since 10/7. I wanna say maybe 2 or 3 between june 7, 2020 (when I created this blog) and oct 7, 2023. I think I've posted the hate anons publicly once or twice, but after that I just screenshotted, blocked them, and sent them to one of my jewish friends for mocking. honestly they didn't bother me that much. a lot of them were low effort. nobody even threatened to kill me. the terfs put more effort into harassing me and I'm not even trans. frankly the antisemites need to step up their game.

while the messages haven't hurt me... yeah... the war in general has affected me. I've lost a lot of faith in the strength of my relationships with goyim. several of them have left me. every time I post about the war I'm certain I'm going to lose another friend, and that hurts. it's been a little nerve-wracking discussing it with my irl goyische friends, but to my massive relief all of them are normal about the situation. however, about a month ago, me and a friend of 15 years got into a small tiff about it, and when they went radio silent all day, visions of them hating me filled my head and I had to send a super annoying socially anxious text to make sure they don't hate me now. thank gd they do not. I love them deeply and want them to be in my life for as long as we live. we still have to come up with a gender-neutral alternative to aunt/uncle for my kids to call them someday. if they decided to cut me off that would've been the last straw for a mental breakdown, actually.

sometimes it gets really tough to see this stuff on my dash. I've gotten better at just filtering out all the blocked posts that pass me by. to be perfectly, 100% honest with you, if tumblr didn't allow me to block content so thoroughly and I had to see every single post about the war put onto my dash... I would've left tumblr months ago. or just unfollowed 95% of the people I follow. I could not handle that. I'm sorry. this war did upset me enough to the point where I decided to take a two-day break from tumblr (I... have a problem... you all know how much time I spend here...). I've lost a close friend on tumblr of several years that made me cry. as for other social media? I only look at two people's instagram stories these days. one of my friends, who posts her outfits daily and basically nothing else, and con o'neill. I don't trust anyone else not to put stuff that will upset me in front of my eyes. I've unfollowed a couple of people on instagram because I can't block stuff as thoroughly there. I'm also just... not on ig that much.

the past several months have also made me deeply disillusioned with the state of the left. why should I care about unrelated leftist movements when I know all of my comrades there would turn on me in a millisecond if they knew that I thought israel should keep existing even though it's done horrible things? it's turned me off of activism... seeing these "pro-palestine" protests quickly turn into "harass jews" protests and the way these college students discuss these issues, fetishizing palestinian pain and not knowing a single thing about it, is just... it makes it all feel so fake and hollow. these privileged college kids are comparing themselves to gazans and I'm supposed to believe they actually care about gazans and don't just want to feel like righteous heroes? these people verbally and physically harass jews and I'm supposed to believe they're the good guys? I don't like feeling this way. I wish I didn't feel this way. but right now the only political action I give a shit about is voting. I'm gonna vote. I'm always gonna vote. but why on earth would I get involved with people who say "punch nazis" until nazis are on their side and increase their numbers then suddenly it's all "uwu nazis are hard to get rid of 🥺?"

I understand why you're hiding your jewishness. I've started hiding it too. I stopped wearing my magen david on october 13th. I recently had my first paid film gig (yay for that at least), and whenever I was telling a story that involved my jewishness in some way, I bent the truth to go around that tidbit and told no one. someone asked if I was irish. I answered I was eastern european. a year ago I would've said I was jewish without a second thought.

I'm tired. I want the war to end. I want there to be a peace deal. I want innocent civilians to stop dying and be safe.

I don't think I'm brave, or anything. I'm a safe lil american thousands of miles away. I don't know what palestinians and israelis are living through right now. my pain is a single molecule of sand compared to the pain people actually affected by this war have gone through. all I want is for people to listen to us. I don't speak up to be brave, I speak up because knowing a jew is the only inoculation against the hatred spreading through the pro-palestine movement. because if you know me, then jews aren't foreign. noa's a jew. noa's my friend. noa likes billy joel. noa writes silly incorrect quote posts. noa's a person. she's not some scary unknown. she's my friend.

I wish people still wanted to be my friend.

[papirouge]

Lol the stories about the child sacrifice and abortion parallels plus the boy wanting and mutilating himself to be an animatronic as a trans allegory are pretty based and at least the last one seems quite likely to be based on that if the original creator was the one who came up with the idea. how in hell did people even find out he was a registered republican voter? how do you even register yourself as a voter for a particular party?? in my country, things don't work like that so I'm lost. your vote is completely confidencial so it shouldn't be possible for anyone to know such info unless someone close to him decided to spill the beans.

I think i've heard before something about the creator of fnaf being cancelled but for some reason I had the idea it was for being christian, perhaps i'm confusing him with another game creator...

like i said i only play minecraft and pokeymon, but notch, the creator of minecraft, has also had his heated gamer moments too. he said trans women aren't women, he said people who didnt believe in a straight pride parade deserved to be shot, said feminism was a social disease and called a feminist a cunt, said there was nothing wrong about white pride (then later kinda recanted by saying something like "I didnt know there were only some groups allowed to feel proud of who they are"), and something else about not giving in to mentall illness in reference to transgenderism, though later kinda apologized saying he didnt understand trans identities very well. obviously, references to his name got erased in many products and even the game itself, only visible once after you beat the ender dragon, and microsoft banned him from their events ever since.

pokemon creators havent had these type of controversies which i attribute to having a better pr team and not growing up alongside social media and decide it's a great idea to post any thought that passes through their head. theyve had some though, like with jynx believed to be a racial stereotype (supposedly though she's based on ganguro fashion and the "fat lady" of an opera) so her skin was changed from black to purple. interestingly, ludicolo is a very obvious mexican stereotype yet nobody cares lol.

i do think its kinda funny when these authors get cancelled but they stil keep them/their product around to milk it to death.

and I might or might not watch the video. ive watched some youtube essays before but never that long, so we'll see...

I mean only mentally ill people like me would be dedicated to watch a 9 hours lore video essay, so I don't blame you anon lol

I am too very confused about the registred political alignement thing but I gues that's yet another dystopian US lunacy. In my country this stuff doesn't exist neither. I heard some celebrities/influencer get flack for being Republican (Jaclyn Hill comes to mind) but I have no idea how people/haters manage to get this information. I guess they are available on public record or stuff like that.

Since FNAF has a VERY dedicated fandom, I am not surprised some fans went as far as to sleuth this info out.

That minecraft guy sounds like a legit asshole though and he deserved to be canceled idc I HATE when people make foul out of themselves for the whole world to see, and then act shook when people don't want to have anything to do with them anymore. I hope he didn't have the audacity to whine about "Mh fReeDoM oF sPeeCh" because dude was apparently saying it was ok to kill people for having disagreeing opinions🙃

On the opposite, Scott Cawthon is SUPER lowkey & private and never explicitely said anything rude or insulting. People just started hating him for being Republican and allegedly Christian (which I think nobody found actual evidence of)

And animatronic aren't allegory of trans people, it was only the B-7 story of a boy butchering himself as one. The whole FNAF story is Scott Cawthon creation. He just co-writes the book with a female author, but only him creates the lore. Animatronics are regular robot who are possessed by the spirit of dead children.

I didn't know they changed Jynx color 'o' I never thought anything about this design - I felt like she didn't even have skin, but but more like a void lmao (like these spectre type pokemon)

I roll my eyes at article defending this design à la "oooh but Sugiomori didn't want to offend anyone uwu" ok but Pokémon is now a game with an INTERNATIONAL audience. If Nintendo wants to keep making bucks out of their game, they have to adapt themselves to foreign audience. This sort of "purity complex" when it comes from japanese cultural assets coming into the West is insufferable. No culture is immune to criticism.

Ganguro started around 1996 which is the year when the first Pokémon game came out...so I highly doubt Sugimori would be already aware of this trend during the game development. Japan already had a weird thing with dark/black skin, so Jynx simply might be yet another design celebrating this brand of "quirkiness".

[ilegnangeli]

Random September Thought #1

Ola Tumblr!

There are so many thoughts running through my head right now, and I’m not sure where to begin. One of those thoughts is just what has been happening in my life recently. Another is what’s been going on with the people in my life. And then there’s the simple act of writing this blog—it feels like this is the space where all these thoughts collide. So, I guess the best way to sort through everything is to put it all out there, piece by piece.

To give you some context, I recently celebrated my birthday. I vaguely remember doing the “22 things” challenge here on this blog a while back. You know, where you list things about your life, goals, or random fun facts. But this time, I’m not sure if I want to make a list. I mean, there’s just so much going on. Or maybe I will end up listing things—I’ll see how I feel as I write this out.

For now, I’ll start with something I haven’t really addressed much, at least not publicly. Over a year ago, I lost my dad. It was just two days before Father’s Day, and he decided to tap out. His heart gave out, and it’s been a slow process of healing ever since. I haven’t posted about it on social media, and I haven’t talked about it much outside my closest circle. I think grief, for me, has been something I’ve processed privately.

So, how am I doing now? I’m okay. I think I’ve accepted it, and I’ve moved forward in many ways. But I’m not sure how everyone else in my family feels. We’re all tough in our own ways, and I like to think we’ve come to terms with it. My dad had a weak heart, and in the end, I guess it couldn’t handle everything he carried—his personality, his talent, his energy. I miss him sometimes, especially when things need fixing around the house. That was his thing. He was always the first to step up and fix whatever was broken. Now, when something goes wrong, I instinctively think of him. I wish he were here to take care of it like he used to. But I like to imagine he’s in a better place now, probably jamming with John Lennon and George Harrison. I mean, wherever they are, it must be a good time.

On a different note, life has been moving forward. After that loss, other things started happening. Last year, I got promoted to a new department in the public sector. At first, I thought it would be a big change, a fresh start. But honestly, not much has changed. It’s just a different playing field, but with the same kinds of challenges. If anything, working with the people in this new department has been more difficult. There’s no strategic direction at all, no real vision for where things are going, which can be frustrating. It’s hard to stay motivated in a job that feels like it’s just drifting.

But despite the work frustrations, there have been some amazing developments in my life. One of the biggest is that I started law school this year! I’m a freshman, and let me tell you, it’s been such a refreshing and exciting experience. Law school has become my outlet, my way of balancing everything else. It’s challenging, but in a good way. Every day I’m learning something new, and for the first time in a long time, I feel like I’ve found my purpose. Work might be "whatever" these days, but law school keeps me going. It’s something that makes me happy, even when it’s tough.

Another milestone I’m proud of is passing the Career Executive Written Examination from the Career Executive Service Board. That was a huge accomplishment for me. Now, I just have to go through the assessment center, complete some trainings, and handle all the other requirements. Fingers crossed! It’s a process, but I’m on my way. Slowly but surely, I’m checking off these career milestones. It’s just part of the ride, and it feels good to be moving in the right direction, even if it’s not always smooth.

On top of all that, there’s another big milestone I’m about to hit: my 10th year working in the government. I’ll be celebrating that on October 1st, and it’s been a strange experience reflecting on the past decade. Being a public employee, or a public officer—whatever they call it—has been challenging in ways I didn’t expect. When I first started, I was filled with optimism, hoping to contribute to positive change, especially for my fellow Filipinos. But as the years went by, I saw the reality of how politics works behind the scenes. It’s tough to watch, and sometimes downright terrible, especially when you realize that many of the people in power don’t seem to have any real strategic direction. As an ordinary citizen hoping for a better environment, it’s disheartening, to say the least.

There are days when I wonder if things will ever improve. I keep hoping that eventually, the system will change, that those who have been stagnant or ineffective will be replaced by people who genuinely care about making a difference. If it means a shake-up in leadership or bringing in new people, so be it. On the other hand, I’ve also been thinking a lot about my own role in all of this. Maybe it’s not just about others needing to change. Perhaps it’s me who needs to make a shift. Whether that means transferring to a different department or even moving on from the government entirely, I’ve been considering my options.

Ten years is a long time, and while I’m proud of everything I’ve learned and accomplished, I’m also reflecting on where I want to go from here. It’s possible that I’m meant for something else, somewhere that aligns better with my values and goals. Only time will tell. But as I approach this milestone, I’m more committed than ever to figuring out what’s best for my future, whether that means staying in public service or moving in a new direction entirely.

So that’s where I’m at right now. Trying to figure things out, balancing the good with the bad, and finding my footing in this new chapter of life. Thanks for sticking around and reading through my thoughts—it means a lot. Here's to whatever comes next, and I hope you'll continue to be a part of the journey.

[hurtcomfortforeveryone]

Tumblr broke down a little bit – for some reason I don't see my posts among the other posts by tag. So, while no one sees, I will post here the second part of a brief description of my unwind & BatIM crossover (the first part is here), which I sometimes really want to share

So, the development:

..Meanwhile, somewhere in another state, Henry longingly remembers the children he left behind. He also remembers the fact that Bendy's birthday is coming soon, and therefore decides to take advantage of the opportunity and try to establish a relationship. So he collects a parcel with some simple gift, sweets, and also puts in it a letter about how much he loves both Bendy and Boris and Alice, and he will be very happy to finally talk to them, and will wait for a call, no matter how much time has passed since the last meeting!

It takes time to deliver, so Henry waits patiently. But after a few days, instead of a call or letter, he receives a reply… The same package. None of the gifts in it were even touched, but the letter was opened, and another note was added to the contents, written in an obviously adult hand: "it is unlikely that anyone will need it."

Well, it's clear, Henry thought irritably, Drew has an exacerbation of psychosis again – and wrote to him asking what nonsense is this, comrade? I know you're mad at me, but is that a reason to deprive a child–your child! – a holiday? But Joey either doesn't respond to his messages at all, or speaks in threatening riddles. Henry begins to suspect something is wrong, calls the children, but none of the three answer the phone. Further attempts to get Joey to talk don't lead to anything either.

Henry's thoughts get into his head worse than one another, and everyone eventually comes to the conclusion that something has happened to the children. Anything: they got lost, got into a fight and got hurt, almost drowned, went to the hospital for any other reason– and Joey doesn't want to admit it to him. He starts frantically monitoring the New York news and searching social media for posts with the names of children…

Well, he finds it. First, there are several posts with photos, they say, Boris, Bendy, Alice Drew escaped from unwinding, please inform the juvenile affairs department if you notice them on the street. Then – one note about the fact that the fugitives were caught by the efforts of the juvenile police, thanks to all those who helped.

Shock, anger, tears.

After crying for about an hour or two, Henry begins to think about whether he can do something? And he understands that he will never forgive himself if he doesn't at least try. Breaking into a harvesting camp or kidnapping children from there is poorly feasible. And even if luck miraculously smiles – where and how then to hide with them for several years?.. Therefore, the only option is to get recognition that the unwinding contracts are not legally binding, that Henry's refusal of custody was unjustified, and Joey had no right to make such a decision without his consent. All he needs to do is collect a bunch of documents that would confirm his participation in the children's lives… and the same pile from previous attempts… well, and in addition…

But as they say, when was the last time you received the certificate you needed quickly and without delay? And if you need to collect a dozen such documents, and you are not guaranteed success at any stage? And so Stein has to explain twice a day at the every registry office that "come back in 10-12 days" will not work at all, because by this point his relatives may not be alive? But he has to fight not only with bureaucratic difficulties, but also with chilling not-giving-a-shit, like "well, if they were sent to be unwound, then there was a reason for" – about one in two?

Meanwhile, the children in the harvesting camp cannot find out in any way that they are being searched for and tried to be saved. And they have to spend these two weeks with the heavy realization that a miracle will not happen, no one will help them out, and they themselves – no matter how much they want to believe otherwise – will not find a way to get out of there. It sounds creepy, it's something that all three of them desperately do not want to accept, but they can only put up with it, spend more time with each other and try somehow not to go crazy, getting used to camp life and communicating with its employees.

The denouement:

Of course, Henry will succeed. Because in BatIM itself, I really like the dynamics of "Three moderately stupid toons & Henry, a calm and wise man in a worldly sense, but capable, if his children are in danger, of beating enemies to death with a plunger." And in principle, I love stories about mental healing, which is perfectly evident from my nickname, and in order to write them, it is necessary that the characters get out of the plot alive.

But how will they get out of there? Mentally crippled (and someone else physically crippled), with broken feelings of trust and affection, with anxiety so deeply ingrained in the subconscious that getting rid of danger is not enough. And Henry will not just have to accustom them to the idea that they are no longer in danger – he will have to re-accustom them to care and love.

Thank you for reading, please do not hit me with slippers too much if the plot seems too illogical or naive to you ":) Of course, I'm open to discussion, but you know, sometimes you just want to write a story the way you saw it for the first time, and even if it doesn't find a single fan, so be it.

[blogswithamelia]

BCM114 Week 9 - Digital Artefact Progress #2

Now that a few weeks have passed since my last update, a lot of things have changed. I misunderstood my own limits when I created my own idea, and I should have listened to the people who said it wouldn’t work out, as they were right. I am very sick of posting everyday to Instagram and haven’t posted in over a week. Because of this, I have decided to pivot like we learnt in class and change my idea and platform completely. 

Instead of posting a film review every day, I will instead be starting a reaction channel on Youtube where I post a movie or tv show reaction once a week. I really enjoy watching other movie commentary youtubers such as Ur Internet Mom Ash, Dylan Is In Trouble or Trin Lovell. 

I have started to do research on how to do this, and I feel confident that I will be able to make it work. Giving myself a week to film and edit is a way smarter idea than me rushing a film review post in one night every day. I also think movie commentary is a way better idea than just reviewing films, as my audience can see my live reactions to moments in the movie or show. To keep elements from my original idea, at the end of the video I will also do a brief review of the film now that I’ve finished watching it. 

Changing my idea to this will be very interesting and somewhat challenging, as I will have to download the media I will be reacting to and also sync my reaction to it, which sounds easy but I have a feeling might be harder than it sounds. Not to mention I will have to find a way to avoid copyright claims from youtube so that my videos do not get taken down. 

I will also slightly continue the theming of my posts in this new artefact, except since I post once every week I will have a different theme each week, or I will just do a bunch of different themes randomly. For example, one week I might do a horror movie, and the next I do an animated movie, and then the week after that another horror movie and so on. In other words, no set order. 

Another challenge with this new idea that should be easy to manage is filming, as I will have to film on my phone, so the quality will not be that great. But it should work out fine, I will just have to film in a quiet location with good lighting to help improve the quality. I will also have to make sure to edit the videos so that they aren’t too long or too short, and each video will have a similar length.

If I have time, I may revamp my original instagram to use it as a way to promote my youtube channel, and also maybe still do reviews, but I am not sure about this yet. I will see how I go following my first youtube video, which I will start making after I get back from the mid-session break. 

Overall, I really enjoyed my original idea and it was really fun while it lasted. I do wish I could continue it but I have lost interest in doing it that way, and want to try something new. Hopefully with moving to youtube I can increase my audience and have fun, without the stress of having to post daily. I am thinking of naming this channel something simple, such as Reacts by Amelia, or Amelia Watches or something like that. I am excited to see where it goes from here and hopefully the pivot was a good idea!

--

Also, women's defence in the 1930s is so fascinating, they look so badass yet also so graceful! Here is the tweet with the links to the videos where I first found out about this!

[echoaether]

i don’t really like to post much on the internet. not my face, nor my thoughts. i’ve conditioned myself to only consume the media i find on social platforms. it’s a strange feeling, really. sort of existing but not entirely.

i’m normally not in the best of moods. i genuinely try to be, but much of the time i have a hard time. i would likely blame it on my neurodivergence but the truth is that my life has been less than enjoyable in the past couple of years. i still try to convince myself it could somehow be worse.

my mother found out she had cancer. she and my father moved across the country after the fact to be near my sister and her daughter. i could have chosen to be bitter about it. maybe a small part of me is. i’m not entirely sure anymore.

on their way there, they got into a horrible accident. still not sure how they made it out alive, to be honest, but i am grateful. i couldn’t take it though.

fast forward to about 5 months later and i am receiving multiple calls and texts from my severely depressed mother who can’t stop telling me about how miserable she is over there. my dad is much more reserved about his feelings but i could tell he missed being here.

it’s been about a year and a half now. they seem happier. i’m genuinely glad, and yet some kind of bitterness still lingers there. not sure why. my mind keeps making up things like “you were just never that important to them.” i know it’s not true, so why do i feel like it is sometimes?

after my parents accident last year, my best friend decided i was far too troubled and that being in emotional distress during an extremely stressful period in my life was too much. we stopped talking. in fact, it had been over a year and one month when i finally just grew tired of feeling like i was barred from saying anything and told him happy birthday. it was weird because he responded nicely and i suddenly had much less desire to talk to him. i don’t know what that is about.

perhaps the passing of another close friend i had lost touch with sort of got to me. the way he passed was not accidental. i knew for all the years that i had known him that he was severely depressed. somehow i still couldn’t bring myself to send a text despite how much i thought about him prior to finding out he had passed.

perhaps that was the influence to text my old best friend. but everything feels so formal and stiff now. i have every desire to be friends with the person i knew but i don’t believe that is who i will get anymore, if i’m honest. i guess i have to find a way to be okay with simply being on okay terms and move on. dwelling only makes me feel more resentful.

at this point, days go by, and i just exist. my husband is wonderful and i love him. he is really the one thing that keeps me going at times. even still, i can’t help but to find myself thinking about how i am not sure i can continue to bear living for 50+ more years. i’m already tired and i hate that i have to make effort just to continue living.

the thought of my heartbroken husband keeps me from doing anything drastic. i hope i never lose such sentiments.

dad is coming to visit at the end of the month. he keeps saying he can’t wait but acts bored out of his skull when he is here. i want to be excited but i feel a bit overwhelmed. i’m glad i get to see him but any time one of my parents comes down i feel like i have to pause my entire life.

it’s almost like i have been conditioned to make everyone else’s comfort and well-being my problem since a young age.

unlocking awful memories of my mother coming home drunk and me wanting nothing to do with her. writing has a way of reminding you of things you wanted to forget, but are necessary for navigating life’s hardships.

but really, i’m just tired of coping. i just want to enjoy life. why is everything so hard?

[michizumi]

Untold Thoughts

Theme: Romance

Pen Name: ALAS

Luna is in her second year of junior high school. She loves spending her time reading books with a theme of romance. Reading those books affected her standards and they became so high. One time at school, she saw a guy, white-skinned, good-looking, and at least inches taller than her. She got attracted to him immediately, Luna just saw the guy she never knew would play a vital role in her life. With Luna's luck, she found the name of the guy through the help of her friend who is also a friend of the guy that Luna saw. Luna's friend became the middleman for them to get in touch. Luna's friend refers her to the guy, the guy's name is Ali.

Luna did the first move, she also told her feelings to Ali.

"Hi Ali, I just wanna express my appreciation... I have a crush on you." Enthusiastically, says Luna.

"Really? Thanks for being honest, appreciate it " Ali gently responded.

Ali responds and he acknowledges Luna's courage to confess but he seems not interested. Ali tried to push Luna through the stories of him being wicked in his past relationship, but it didn't work on Luna, and she simply decided to embrace everything about Ali and it only turned on Luna for sharing his honest behavior. They continue the conversation until late at night. After that night Luna continues having a conversation with Ali even though Ali is not interested in her. Luna gave Ali constant attention for almost four months until they got to their third year of junior high school. The conversation flows from Luna every night, asking him how his day was, and continue knowing each other every single day. As the months passed Luna got tired and lost hope that Ali would reciprocate her feelings.

The constant conversations became alternate, three times a week, twice a week, and even once a month.

Luna still has her feelings but she loses every bit of hope in her. Luna stops making conversations with him without knowing that Ali slowly develops his feelings and gets attached to her. Ali never got a chance to confess because he can't believe that he will develop anything for her.

Ali let the conversations burn out as he thought that his feelings will also ride to it, but it's the other way around. Luna stops and after a month Ali got the feeling that he is missing Luna's presence. Even without communication, their feelings grow without them knowing it. They start to miss each other until one of them did the first move. The final quarter of their third year in junior high school is coming to an end, and surprisingly Ali decided to shoot his shot before the school year ends. Ali confesses his feelings to Luna.

"Luna! I don't want to lose this chance, I like you." Ali's tense expression.

"Oh. I never... knew this day would come." Flattered response from Luna.

"Shall we take all of this to another level?" Ali asked.

"Ali, I... I don't see that as our option for now."

Luna's mixed emotions made her speechless, after a few minutes Luna responds to Ali's question with a deep breath. Luna denied the offer, throughout the months without having a conversation with Ali, Luna had a realization that she wasn't ready to handle a serious relationship, hence there is no other choice for her other than not entering from any. But Luna got driven by her overwhelming excitement, and they took it to the other level. But not an official couple, instead a two young teens with endearment but don't have a commitment to each other. They are fine and contented with what they have. At first, their relationship flows smoothly, until different challenges start to get in their way. Luna is currently struggling with her family. Throughout Luna and Ali's relationship, Luna's overwhelming feelings about everything that is happening to her are constantly rising to the point that she thinks that she doesn't deserve to be with Ali.

One day Luna just disappeared, delivered messages from Ali, no texts, no replies, no posts, even inactive on social media from Luna. Ali was desperate, but all he could do was wait. Ali continues leaving messages to Luna for days, over and over, every single day until the day that he's the one who got tired and lost hope. Ali just gave up, he accepted that Luna abandoned everything, Luna left Ali without handling any reason, she left him with confusion.

After a month, surprisingly Luna came back. Luna approached Ali via chat and tried to explain herself as well as gave him an apology. Ali responded like it was fine and seemingly didn't affects him but inside him, it was the other way around. Luna also expressed that she missed Ali, and Luna asked him if his feelings for her are still there, but Ali didn't respond and their conversation gets awkward and it ended with a goodnight greeting.

That's their last conversation before the first half of the year ended. After months, their fourth and last year at junior high school started. And after months of no communication, Luna suddenly remembered Ali and decided to approach him. It's just the same as their last conversation, awkward and he just misses being with Ali. The year ended, and as the second month of the year started, Luna decided to approach Ali again. Like before, it's awkward and Ali is confused why Luna keeps doing this.

"Hello, Ali it's me...again., " Luna said.

"Ohh...Hi?" Ali's wondering reply.

"Just missing us, and just want you to know that nothing has changed... I still like you" Gently said of Luna.

"Like?" Ali's response.

Luna did not care to explain what she means, and she's not expecting reciprocation anymore because of what she has caused to Ali. Their conversation did not take that long. After that they continue to live their separate lives. Ali focuses on improving himself, Luna on the other hand also focuses her perspective on improving and reflecting on everything, as well as serving in the church. They became busy on their own, Ali moved on while Luna thought she did.

After two years, Luna and Ali are in their last year of senior high school. One day, Luna's at peace and was browsing her social media when she saw a picture of Ali posted by their mutual friend. Her feelings and everything just merges out of nowhere, feelings that she never knew would stay that long. Luna is deliberating about everything, she's confused about her feelings, then she realized that she never really let go of those, and she simply got distracted. After she concluded everything Luna decided to make things right and start over with Ali again. But Luna received an information, and everything just collapsed. Ali is currently in a relationship with someone, and Luna's hope was destroyed. She is left with no choice but to keep her feelings on her own.

She just believes that Ali deserves peace. Since then, she's been handing her feelings and untold thoughts of her through posts and blogs. Luna keeps admiring, grasping Ali from afar, wondering if someday, the tables of chances will turn on his way again.

By The Rails

Themes: Romance, Slice of Life

Pen Name: Michizumi

The pitter patter of the rain was the only thing that was heard. The sky was dark. The road was silent. The splash of footsteps coming from behind drew closer. Sora felt a wave of exasperation when she felt arms wrap around her.

“Hey. Going home so soon? Classes just ended, how about we hang out together?”

It was Xian. Xian was someone she met when they were in 8th grade. After their first encounter, on that day by the railings on the roof, he declared that he was going to be his bestest friend that will always be by her side.

They walked along the road going to one of the cafes near the campus. It was a comfortable and silent walk until Xian broke the comfortable silence.

“Shall we share an umbrella?” he asked, Sora stopped walking when she heard the question and looked back to see Xian sheepishly smiling.

���Uh, never-” “Ok.”

He looked like he was shocked by the answer but quickly folded his umbrella, took mine and we shared. When we reached the cafe, it was bustling with people doing their own business. We decided to just go home since the dorm was just a walking distance away. We passed by a train station on the way and Xian stopped.

“What’s wrong?” Sora asked Xian with concern.

“It’s nothing. I just remembered something.” He smiled again like it really was nothing and we crossed the rails.

Sora knew that it really wasn’t nothing as it was one of the not-so-nice memories of their second meeting.

The two went ahead without looking back.

Xian held her hand tightly after passing that place. He remembered it like it was just yesterday. The day that Sora almost died. He didn’t know if he'd ever come to terms to losing her again.

He lost her once, it was also by the rails, however it was on the rails of a rooftop. He was too late to reach out his hand as she fell on the tall roof. He knew that no matter what lifetime he meets her, there will always come a time that she will die out of her volition. This was the 8th time that she met her again and was able to successfully save her before her death.

He was brought out of his reverie as they reached the door of her dorm. While she was reaching for the key to her dorm, he hugged her tightly from behind.

“Xian? I won’t be able to find my key at this rate.” She sweat-dropped and reached out to him to remove his arms but her hands stopped mid-air when he uttered his words.

“Just a little longer please?” he pleaded.

They stayed like that for minutes and Xian broke away with a grin.

“Ok. I'm done! Have a good night, Sora.” she smiled and bid him a good night as well.

When she closed the door, she plopped down the ground with a hand to cover her face. Her face was a blushing mess after the hug.

“What was up with that?!” She screamed.

She can feel her ears burn as she remembered what he said when he tightly hugger her.

“If I could hold you like this again and again, the suffering I went through will not compare to the happiness I feel when I’m with you.”

[simonsnowichooseyou]

This excellent essay was posted by @goodbyedandelion and reposted on Instagram—however their account sadly seems gone now. But it is in rememberence of their Tumblr spirit that I post a continuation to their essay!

EVEN MORE Reasons Why Carry On is so groundbreaking as a YA Fantasy/Romance

Misconceptions/Character Complexity

A large topic in YA Contemporary is gossip, but I feel like fantasy doesn’t touch on this as much. Think of how others perceive one another in Carry On. Early on we learn that Simon, for example, saw Penny as different because of her race. But of course, we quickly know this isn’t true.

But what about Agatha? In Harry Potter, for example, Lavender Brown and other feminine characters are often looked down upon because of their femininity. We often as a culture perceive beauty as overcompensation for what’s inside. Sometimes Agatha is looked at in the same light in Carry On, but when we see things from her POV, we realize that Agatha is perhaps the smartest one there. Maybe she’s not Penny Bunce-smart, but she has the survival instincts that Penny lacks.

Agatha isn’t the only one. Baz looks cold and unfeeling from others’ POVs, but we quickly learn that he is a boy with a soft heart that’s been hardened by his past. Everyone thinks he cares about nothing but we know he cares about his mother and how she’d feel about him; his father and step-mother and siblings; Simon, of course; Bunce, in his own way; he even cares about flowered suits and dramatic entrances! We think Bunce is nerdy and perhaps annoying, but we learn she’s very sweet and like a mother to Simon. And the mage. Ugh, the mage. We think he cares about Simon but we learn that for every bit he cares about Simon, he cares about the war more.

Rowell doesn’t allow any character to be simple, stereotypical, or as they appear. My sister, for example, was saying that Baz sounded like a stereotypical gay man in the media. But he’s not, is he? He might love fashion but Rowell does not make him simple or stereotypical. Everyone is so complex, and she uses the multi-POV to not just show us their complexity but also the complexity of how they are viewed by others.

Woman on Woman Drama/Anger

For years and years, only one woman was allowed to have a true seat at the table in films. Take Indiana Jones, the original Avengers, and Star Wars for example. This woman was often made to be the sex appeal or romantic interest, but I’ll save that for another day. Because of there only being one spot, it set a precedent that women in media needed to fight with each other to take that spot, thus depriving us of women getting along!

At first, I was worried Rowell had fallen into this trap. Bunce thinks Agatha is simple and too feminine, Agatha thinks Bunce is a major pain in the ass. Their dislike for one another is complicated in that they’re essentially two different types of feminism battling it out, and half of their fight was about Simon and their roles in his life.

But in the end, Penny and Agatha create a relationship that exists outside of their relationship with Simon. Penny sees Agatha’s strength and resilience; Agatha recognizes Penny’s harsh exterior for what is is. When Agatha moves away, they text without his even knowing. Penny is the one that decides they need to check on and save her. In the end, penny and Agatha fight alongside one another.

Rowell didn’t just give us a feminine friendship—she showed us what we’ve been doing, and how to get from Point A to point B. I think it’s the most underrated part of the series.

True Friendship

It might sound bad, but I truly believe a lot of today’s media ruins the idea of friendship. I just feel like none of the portrayals are realistic. Friends are either joined at the hip and have never fought (toxic) or never get along (also toxic). The fact that Baz and Penny and Simon and Penny and Agatha and Penny can get into fights but still continue to love one another platonically is really heartwarming to me.

Trauma/Mental Illness

I remember getting to the end of Harry Potter and thinking “he went through all of that and we’re just supposed to leave him now?” We see some remnants in the most cursed play ever: The Cursed Child. But more than trauma we see someone who looks back on the days they risked their life everyday with *longing.* While that’s about the most Harry Potter thing Harry Potter has ever done (and the most canonical part of that play) it’s so unrealistic. You’re telling me Harry grew up with nothing and was an amazing father—minus a few spats with his son. You’re telling me Harry was able to hold it together emotionally after fighting for his life from ages 11-18 without a therapists help? You’re telling me Harry lost two father figures in the ministry of magic AND spent 7 years going through what amounted to a lesson titled “the government is corrupt” just to be a part of that government!?

Wayward son isn’t like that. Wayward Son shows us what happened to Simon afterwards, and it’s not peaches and cream. He had therapy, he quit therapy. A lot of us have been Simon on that couch, and we all needed the Baz in our life to drag us across a metaphorical America. Wayward Son is hands-down my favorite book. Realistic depictions of mental illness, check. Subverting our expectations of after the end, check. Reading it feels like taking a road trip, check.

As OP mentioned, Simon is a beloved chosen one because he’s just so wrong for the role. He’s not levelheaded where he should be, he’s bold in all the wrong places, he couldn’t possibly maintain a professional relationship with the coven. Meanwhile his super-hot enemy Baz was the absolute perfect choice to be chosen, but he was completely passed over. And part of this chalks up to how Simon became so powerful—fate isn’t twisting its whims this way and that. Simon is only chosen because he was a Petri dish experiment-gone-wrong baby. When Simon asks the fates why, really he should be asking the mage. There’s something delightful about the fact that Simon was made. The chosen one was made, and in the same process, so was the greatest threat.

De-escalation

I think it’s clear by now that Carry On is a great book, Simon Snow is an amazing series, and Rainbow Rowell sure can write. But I feel the need to point out that the end of Carry On wasn’t well-received by everyone. I recommend the series to everyone I know and some people are really disappointed you don’t get a big magical battle at the end. Some people think Simon filling in the humdrum was a cop out. But I disagree. I felt it was thrilling to witness a book where war was as stupid in fantasy land as it can be in real life. This is the first fantasy I’ve ever read where they find a better way to handle conflict than senseless fighting. It’s emotionally rewarding, to me, to see de-escalation. To see conflicts fixed before they start to be huge problems. It was a risky choice for an end, you have to admit. But Rowell pulls it off amazingly.

Nothing is Wrapped in a Bow

A day will never go by without me thinking about the fact that Simon Snow Salisbury doesn’t know who his parents are. Or how Baz will never know what exactly happened with his mother—whether she really ended herself to avoid vampirism and whether she would’ve done it to her too. We’ll never even quite understand the mage’s plan behind fix the humdrum and get an all powerful boy wizard on his side. Rowell doesn’t wrap everything up. She gives you closure as often as she gives you something to ponder. The ending of Harry Potter was so controversial, I think, because it spelled out so clearly much of what was happening. And what you didn’t learn in that epilogue, Rowling released later through Pottermore and interviews. That’s fine and dandy—but there’s something to be said for ending Simon Snow’s books with questions. Not infuriating questions but rather things that I’ll always ponder—that will shed new light on different situations depending on how I look at them. Rowell sets a precedent that you can fill in Simon’s world with your imagination while also reminding us that life doesn’t have endings. Not really, the way books to. Rowell is one of the few writers of today’s fantasy, I’d argue, who’s okay letting things go unanswered. There’s always a thread of fantasy and magic going. It’s something that will keep Simon alive in my heart for many, many years to come.

So yeah, that’s what I think about when I think about Simon Snow. It’s not nearly as coherent as the original post but I hope you enjoy it.

[smallblip]

You asked, I deliver! Part II of Accidental baby acquisition💖 I lost one of the asks 😩 but anon who asked about baby Udo, I named the baby in your honour! Saddle up cowboys! I’m not good with sequels but here we are-

Babygate:

the scandal that implies that a certain boy band member cheated on his partner (another band member) and had a kid even when the mom was never pregnant.

- urban dictionary

—

Reiner thinks things are alright. Life is definitely picking up. Pieck still sends him excerpts of her dirty fanfiction to proofread, Bertholdt is still doing all he can to “retire at 30”, Annie might have eloped with said boyfriend. But he’s seeing Porco on the regular now, he’s really cute, he’s got a nice ass. Reiner can’t complain.

He’s also recently donated his Levi Ackerman standee. Only because it’s getting increasingly hard to reconcile the fact that he has a life sized cutout of his colleague’s boyfriend in his room.

What he can complain about is said colleague (and friend) dropping bombs on him. He’s one of the moderators of one of the bigger No Name servers. Sometimes he wonders if that’s a conflict of interest because, well, he knows the guy on a first name basis. But today he has other concerns. He sees his notifications blowing up and decides to go on the No Name server. And lo and behold. There’s a paparazzi shot of Levi and Hanji with a stroller taking a walk in a new channel called “MYSTERY FAMILY?”.

He cancels his plans with Porco. “Don’t text me for the next few hours, got a fire to fight.” He clicks send, and feels kinda bad, so he sends Porco really dank meme to appease him. (That doesn’t stop Porco from doing exactly what Reiner told him not to do and demanding an explanation every five minutes).

He forces himself to take a deep breath before texting Hanji-

“Hanji… I don’t mean to be rude but…

WHAT THE FUCK?”

—

So here begins babygate. A conspiracy theory that took the Internet by storm.

“Levi Ackerman had a secret marriage! He was keeping this from us from the start!”

“It’s a publicity stunt to keep No Name relevant during their hiatus!”

“It’s an elaborate scheme by the company to punish Levi for announcing the hiatus without their knowledge!”

“Levi’s mystery partner was sent by the lizard people to take control of his mind and produce half-lizard, half-human hybrid babies to take over the world! What a bitch!” (This is Hanji’s favourite).

And the internet’s favourite- this is all an elaborate scheme to cover up the scandalous love affair between Levi and Eren- the band’s guitarist.

“What the fuck?” Levi had said during dinner once, to which Reiner had to swallow his food and pretend he never read or actively looked up ereri content. Yes. Reiner knows the name of their ship.

Levi hadn’t been too worried before, but when pictures of them shopping for baby stuff leaked online, something snaps. Something snaps and Erwin tells him he needs more time to figure out the biggest PR crisis in No Name history.

It’s Levi. Levi is the PR crisis.

So in the meantime, no shock reveals, no more social media, (if possible) no more leaving the house with pregnant girlfriend in tow. “Don’t do ANYTHING.” Erwin had said, “especially not you!” Erwin had directed that at Eren, who suggested he makes an announcement. Erwin shudders. He remembers all the past scandals they got themselves into just because Eren, bless him, didn’t know when to shut up.

“I’m sorry…” Levi says to Hanji when they’re cuddled up on the couch watching a documentary on whale migration.

“Huh?” Hanji says, voice muffled through her incessant sniffling because “whales are delivered tail first, Levi! They wear their mothers like hats!”

He apologises for putting her through the mess that is him and his job. And Hanji smiles at him. He wonders if their kid will look like her. He’s hoping they would.

“Levi…” Hanji sighs, taking his face in her hands, “that night at the bar I thought to myself ‘this man has a face I would risk it all for’… I think this counts within the realms of ‘all’”

Levi scoffs, but a smile is threatening the corners of his lips. Erwin’s nagging over the phone fades a little and he sinks a little lower into the couch. He sighs one more time for good measure before saying-

“So… you wanna know which my favourite babygate theory is?”

—

“And you’re really not bothered by all this?” Reiner asks, in an emergency meeting that he had scheduled into her calendar. He hates that he’s packing things into her already busy schedule when she’s about to pop but, he figures it’s better now than when the baby’s actually out. He had booked a meeting room and everything, figuring if he projected some of the crazy shit they’re saying on the fan boards up on screen, Hanji would start taking this seriously. Because if Reiner knows anything, it’s that the fans will do anything to keep their ship afloat.

He scrolls past another post on the lizard people and Hanji gets him to pause.

“I mean… A little?” Hanji pinches her fingers together.

“Hanji…” Reiner sighs, “you and Levi discuss and rate babygate conspiracy theories you find online I don’t think you’re taking this seriously at all…”

Hanji looks at Reiner- an absolute state of panic. And she considers panicking for a moment. She’s read articles dissecting babygate and although they’re absolutely batshit, Hanji appreciates how well-researched they are. Which is a little scary. To be fair to Levi, he’s been trying to get her to worry. “I can’t keep you safe all the time, you have to be careful” like he’s going off to war somewhere. But it’s not in Hanji nature to worry about things like this. She’s a researcher at a lab who lived an ordinary life up until the point the universe hit her with a-

Sike! Levi Ackerman is your baby daddy! What are you gonna do about it?

And now she knows what headcanons and lemons are, and she really doesn’t know what to do with that knowledge. So Hanji decides, she’ll do nothing. She’ll go on indulgently long walks Levi in tow, she’ll talk his ear off about work. And like a good girlfriend, she’ll listen to his demos (and enjoy them) and tell him “are you sure anger rhymes with danger?”.

“I don’t really know how to worry about anything beyond our samples getting contaminated…” Hanji says, sheepish. Reiner sighs. He doesn’t want to be a wet blanket on Hanji’s life. He wants to be fun Reiner. Cool as a cucumber. Reiner who manages to make it through dinner at Hanji’s without having to excuse himself to hyperventilate in her bathroom because Levi is right there. And he’s so afraid that he might just be able to read his mind and find out he had looked up Levi Ackerman x y/n fanfiction once in his foolish youth (youth being approximately four months back)

Reiner shudders.

“Yeah okay… That’s um… That’s cool… Right?” He says.

Hanji shrugs.

—

So Levi Ackerman is your baby daddy. Now what?

You go into labour of course, with a matter of fact- “oh. Look Levi. The water broke.” All while refusing to leave the house until you demolish that amazing sandwich he made for you. You go into labour and you yell and grunt like a beast as you squeeze the life out of your baby daddy because he kinda deserves it. You both kinda deserve this pain. Take it as heavenly punishment for being horny and stupid if you will.

And in the middle of it Hanji thinks huh, this feels like a mix of a reality TV show from MTV and a badly written fanfiction. Except Hanji isn’t a teen mom and she’s too old for self-insert fiction that involves a lead singer of a popular band.

But Levi is here, and he doesn’t complain one bit even though he looks like he’s about to pass out. So as far as drunken one night stands go- this is pretty damn aspirational.

The baby enters the world with a huge cry.

“Kid’s got a huge set of lungs…” Levi says, but his own voice is quivering.

“Just like her dad…” Hanji smiles.

As he watches Hanji fall asleep with their baby on her chest, Levi thinks fuck it. Fuck keeping this under wraps. Fuck the fans and them enjoying how Eren gets on his nerves. Fuck Erwin and his “Levi. You’re giving me a headache. You are the cause of this headache.�� Because the baby has Hanji’s nose and his eyes and he loves them more than anything in the world.

He snaps a picture of them and tags bigdaddyzoë-

“Welcome to the world, my love.”

—

Reiner can’t help the tears that well in his eyes after seeing the picture Hanji had sent him of the baby-

“He says hi to his favourite uncle!” Was the caption, and Reiner could only reply with a crying cat meme and an incoherent text that Hanji favourites.

He’s on the bus on the way to the hospital when his phone buzzes incessantly. It’s Porco.

“REINER WHAT THE FUCK.”

“LEVI ACKERMAN IS HANJI ZOË’S BABY DADDY?”

“HANJI ZOË MY PHD SUPERVISOR?”

“LEVI ACKERMAN OF NO NAME?”

“REINER WHAT THE FUCK?”

He sends a reply at the entrance of the hospital-

“Welcome to my world”

—

Reiner thinks things are alright. He’s one of the moderator of one of the bigger No Name servers, so he can block and remove people at his discretion. Some days he lets it get to his head. It makes him feel like a king. But today, he’s putting out fires.

Erwin decided their PR strategy was absolutely no strategy, because “they’re zooming in on the pixels Levi. Once they doubt the pixels, they won’t believe anything we’re saying”. With that. Babygate has officially taken on a life of its own. Eren still sends Levi babygate articles to annoy him, and to Hanji because she asked very nicely. Hanji thinks Erwin’s strategy makes sense, Levi thinks it’s just lazy. But Erwin framed a certificate that says “survived a PR crisis (sort of)” that Hanji had insisted be hung up on their wall, so that closes one chapter. Besides, Eren has been spotted going out on dates with a mystery girl. Which has the double effect of diverting attention away from Levi and exacerbating babygate because “see? Told you the company’s doing all they can to prove they’re not together!”

“Can’t you keep it in your pants?” Levi had thrown at Eren, to which he had responded cleverly with a-

“Could’ve said the same for you!”

Touché…

“See? That can’t be Levi! Look at how he’s smiling!”

“That can’t be a baby! Looks like an animatronic to me!”

“Do they even make animatronics that realistic?”

Reiner pins his “no slander” rule- one day they’ll get it. Or at least he would’ve gotten rid of all the people that don’t.

“Who’s this bigdaddyzoë anyway?”

“Maybe she isn’t real? Company probably invented her…”

“Heard she’s a crazy groupie who got knocked up…”

“Heard she’s hot…”

… several people are typing

—

“So… I heard from Reiner you were defending my honour in the server?” Hanji quirks an eyebrow.

Levi shrugs. Whatever goes down in the server stays between Leviackerman173810 (leviackerman and all 173809 permutations of said username had already been taken) and the hundreds of people who haven’t quite figured out he’s the real deal. Besides, Erwin has issued him three warnings so it’s best to lay low for now.

“My hero…” Hanji chuckles, pressing a kiss on Levi’s head. Below them, baby Udo wriggles and yawns against the fabric of Levi’s shirt. Cute.

So Levi Ackerman is your baby daddy. Now what? You look at your son and know he’s going to break hearts like his father of course. And if you’re Levi, you pray to god he never asks about babygate because Hanji has read up enough about it to be considered a connoisseur.

One day the internet will break when they find out the identity of bigdaddyzöe. But for now baby Udo has his parents wrapped around his tiny fingers and he doesn’t quite understand the concept of him being the spawn of every typical band member x y/n fanfiction. Or the centre of a very popular, very absurd, yet strangely believable internet conspiracy theory. Or the canon plot that has sunk one of the biggest No Name ships. And that’s okay.

[hiccanna-tidbits]

HICCANNA MONTH WEEK 3, DAY 7 - AU FREE SPACE MOTEL POOL MERMAID AU

Happy AU free day!!! I was inspired to expand on this post I made a while back, and here we are! I blame @ohlooksheswriting for taking me down with her in her magic realism spiral XD I’ve been thinking about road trips and mildly-spooky liminal spaces (i.e. backwater motels in the middle of nowhere/super isolated wilderness-y areas) a lot, and thus this AU kind of wrote itself XD

Art from the original post inspired the moodboard a lot, as you can see! I kinda like the red-and-green color scheme for them--red to go with Anna’s hair and vibrant personality, green to go with Hiccup’s eyes, sass (idk green is just the color of sass to me???), and general vibes.

As always, moodboard pic credits available upon request!

***

Anna was all too quick to agree to the impromptu family road trip, hoping being trapped in a car for several hours will finally get her ever-aloof sister to open up. Elsa is leaving for college come the end of the summer, after all--and if this is truly their last hurrah, Anna’s last chance to reach out to her sister, then she wants to make it count. They were going to bond so much on this drive--Anna just knows it.

They did not bond on the drive. The lack of a phone signal as they drove through miles and miles of pine forest meant that there was not a scrap of wifi or internet to be seen, and Anna couldn’t check social media or text her friends to occupy herself. She tried to get Elsa to play some classic road trip games to pass the time--I Spy, 20 Questions, Shout If You See An Animal, the works. The last one was what Anna was most looking forward to, and of course the one that yielded the poorest results.

Elsa was having none of any of them. She was perfectly content to bury her nose in some gothic novel (how on earth did she read in the car without getting nauseous, Anna wondered), and griped any time Anna interrupted her. She wasn’t even interested in discussing the plot when Anna asked, claiming it was the kind of deep, dark, and tragic story that her baby sister simply “wouldn’t understand.”

Restless and frustrated after a long, aggravating ride, Anna couldn’t be more glad when they finally pull up to the motel that night. It’s a lonely, decrepit little place, all retro-feeling flickering red neon signs and dilapidated infrastructure. The picture-perfect budget road trip motel.

Anna wonders if it’s haunted. She feels strangely eager at the thought--whether the hypothetical ghosts were friendly or not, they sure would spice things up, at least.

She gets a different kind of surprise when she decides to go for a night swim in the pool, hoping to get some of the excess energy and irritation out before she goes to bed. Before she can get lost in her thoughts (and concoct a new plan to get that stick out of Elsa’s ass), she keeps catching glimpses of a flickering movement out of the corner of her eye. When she finally tracks it to the bushes just outside the pool, her curiosity piques.

It’s hard to tell, with nothing but the glow of the red motel sign and the lamps in nearby windows for light, but it looks like there’s a long, shiny green tail somewhere among the leaves. Braving the cool night air in nothing but a bathing suit, Anna goes to investigate the rustling bush.

She sees something trying to squirm out the back, but whatever-it-is doesn’t get far. The bush-rustler now scooting rapidly toward another thicket--now in the full light of both the moon and the hotel signs--appears to be a naked teenage boy (well, that’s awkward)...that is, until she notices that this boy is not in possession of any legs.

Anna certainly didn’t have “find a merboy hiding in the bushes by a hotel pool” on her road trip bucket list, but she’s willing to make adjustments. In fact, this just might be more interesting than ghosts.

As often happens, Anna is reduced to stuttering and asking stupid questions when in shock. “You’re--you’re a--why aren’t you in the water?!”

The merboy pauses before answering--green tail lashing, matching eyes looking like they’re doing a calculus problem. “...because you were in it? And seeing me tends to get screams once people realize I’m not a really detailed floatie?”

When she just stares at him, trying to take all this in, he sighs and goes on. “Look, I’m not used to people actually using the pool. Usually folks just pass through--stay one night and then hit the road. The swimming pool’s kind of a deadzone.”

In a fortunate twist of fate, Anna doesn’t fall into this category. Her parents were deadset on seeing some obscure state park in the area, and this was the closest and most affordable place to stay.

She’s going to be here awhile.

“So no one else has ever noticed you in there? People swim so rarely that no one’s freaked out and reported you to the news? Do you have to hide every time someone comes swimming? How do you even get out in time? What do you do when the pool cleaners come? How did you get here in the first place? What do you eat? Do you have to eat the bushes? Or dig in the trash cans like a raccoon while everyone’s asleep?”

He only ends up answering a few of her questions. Hiccup, as it turns out his name is, once lived on the west coast--that was, until he ended up in the nets of a ruthless opportunist and got sold to a seedy traveling circus. He arrived at the hotel in a tank in the back of a semi-truck, and just barely managed to squirm out and off into the bushes while the circus workers unloaded. As a slow scootch through the woods at the mercy of bears and mountain lions didn’t seem ideal, he made a home in the motel pool after the circus left without him. He’s gotten by ever since by being hypervigilant and quick, getting out of sight as soon as someone comes to the pool or camouflaging as a bizarrely realistic decoration. His diet is berries from nearby thickets on a good day, and half-eaten muffins and burgers from the trash on a bad one.

He’s accepted his rather sad new life, but he misses his orca Toothless more than anything. He longs to return to the ocean, but a cross-country trek for a boy who need to be submerged in water at least once every 2 hours and has a flopping-along speed of about 0.25 miles an hour is hardly feasible.

And thus begins the most unexpected adventure of Anna’s life, introducing Hiccup to pillow mints (the really good kind with mint cream and dark chocolate), vending machines, funny ocean animal videos on her phone, and chocolate chip pancakes smuggled right out of the continental breakfast hall. Before she knows it, she’s half paying attention during family hikes, busy hatching a plan to steal a semi-truck and a water tank and take Hiccup home.

When Elsa inevitably discovers Anna’s secret new friend, Anna is prepared for the worst--only to somehow get her sister in on her plan after about 45 minutes of frantic rambling and pleading. In yet another pleasant twist of fate, it would seem rescuing a constantly-annoyed and very cynical merboy might finally be the thing that bring Anna and Elsa together. However, the sisters have to be prepared to be arrested, stalked by sketchy performers hunting down their missing main attraction, and/or make their parents very, very angry. One thing is for certain, though: this will be a trip--and a summer--that Anna will never forget.

[flameoutfics]

We’re Only Young and Naive Still Chapter 1

Summary: Nora is the first woman in the NHL, a recent call-up to the Calgary Flames, who has her own reasons for being there, much to the hesitation of her new teammates. As they get to know her though, she’ll find the family she never knew she wanted and sparks fly with a certain-future-captain.  *This fic will update every Monday. 

Nora waited outside the locker room for the rest of the team to join. She had been waiting for them to head out on the ice, knowing that they were in various states of undress behind the other wall. She had scrambled to get changed in the small bathroom that a member of the Avalanche’s front office had led her to. He’d sheepishly told her that this was the best that they could do and Nora had just nodded. She’d had to change in supply closets before in the absence of a women’s restroom close to the ice level. 

Waiting in the empty corridor for the team allowed her anxiety to fester. Nora could only imagine what was going to await her once she got out onto the ice. There were some who were excited for her to become the first female NHL player to ever play a professional game. She knew they had clambered to get tickets, to show the little girls that anything was possible and that they, too, could join the NHL some day. Nora was nervous to step into that role of a role model, but she didn’t mind. It was the other faction, the one who had already mentioned her on Twitter and caused her to change her Instagram settings that worried her. They didn’t want her to play, they didn’t want a woman in the NHL. Nora could only imagine what they would say after her first game, that anything she’d do wouldn’t be good enough, that she was proof of why women didn’t belong in the NHL. Nora was so lost in her thoughts that she was jolted by the sound of the locker room door opening. 

Jacob Markstrom readjusted his goalie mask on his face and headed out to the ice for warm ups. Nora followed close behind until they got to the ice’s edge. 

“You first,” Jacob nodded towards the ice and gently tapped her on the back of her legs with his goalie stick. Nora sighed. It was tradition for players playing their first game to skate the first lap solo, but she’d rather forgo it. Nevertheless, she gritted her teeth and took her first steps onto the ice. For a moment, she hoped that with her hair tucked into her helmet, people wouldn’t recognize her, but as she started to gain momentum the crowd ignited. It was like everyone had an opinion. Sure she heard the cheers, but intermingled with them she heard the boos. To be honest, she wasn’t sure which there was more of. Much to her relief, after the first solo lap, the rest of the team piled on the ice and joined her for warm ups and she felt herself relax as she began to blend in with the other red jerseys. 

Nora played 5:43 in her first NHL game. It wasn’t a lot, but it was a first. Nothing remarkable happened, and the Flames lost 3-1 in the end. It wasn’t an Auston Matthews level debut by any means but it wasn’t bad. She’d completed most of her passes and she’d made all of her line changes. Sutter didn’t play her much, nor did she expect it. She knew how he felt about having her on his team. She’d been great in the AHL racking up points and causing the hockey writers to wonder if she was going to break the glass ceiling and play in the NHL. Then she was brought up to the NHL and started practicing with the team, always being a healthy scratch when the final line up was decided. But the Flames kept losing and Nora knew that there was pressure on Sutter from the front office to play her. She wasn’t naive to the press that would surround her debut, neither was Brad. So, when Sutter finally announced that she was going to play her first NHL game, it wasn’t completely a surprise, but the timing took her off guard. The rest of the team had acknowledged it with polite cheers, but Nora knew that they weren’t thrilled to have her there either. 

She’d sat in the locker room after the game, still fully in her gear while Sutter reamed them. “None of you played well today. Fuck, she played better than half of you and it was her first fucking game,” Sutter said as he pointed Nora out. She felt the cold gaze of the other players turn towards her as Sutter had pretty much just put a target on her back. She drowned the rest of his diatribe out and as she snuck a glance around the room, it looked like the rest of the team was also ignoring him. When he stormed off, Nora finally felt like she could breathe and retreated to the bathroom where she’d gotten dressed. 

She’d only been in there for a few minutes before there was a knock on the door. 

“Nora, they’re going to want you for post-game interviews,” Tanya, the PR rep said, from outside of the bathroom where Nora stripped out of her gear. She was sweaty from the game but knew she’d have to wait until she made it back to the hotel room before she could 

“Okay,” Nora agreed, even though she knew that she was going to be the focus of the interview, “is anyone else going to be there?” 

“Matthew will be too,” Tanya said. Nora sighed to herself but nodded. 

“Okay, I’ll be out in a minute,” Nora said. She wished it was Jacob or even Johnny doing the interview with her instead of Matthew. She didn’t hate him, but she didn’t like him either. Since she’d been called up to practice with the team, he’d coolly ignored her. Most of the guys treated her that way too, with Jacob and Johnny being two exceptions. 

Matthew was already waiting at the table that had been set up for them for press availability. He glanced up at her and nodded in acknowledgement but didn’t say anything. Nora didn’t know what she was expecting. Did she think he’d say ‘hi’ or ‘great job today’? They weren’t friends, they were barely even teammates. 

“Alright, let’s start with the first question,” Tanya said. 

“Nora, how did your first game in the NHL feel?” a reporter asked. It was a softball question and one that Nora appreciated. 

“It was great. It was a dream come true, honestly,” Nora said, “and I’m really fortunate to be able to be here and on such an amazing team to share the game with them.”

“It’s not the result that I’m sure you wished for, though,” the reporter followed up.

“No,” Nora conceded, “I definitely thought that I could have played better, especially in the third period, but Matthew had an amazing goal in the second period, and really it’s just an honor to be here and play a game in the NHL. 

“Any family here today to celebrate your first game with you?” A different reporter asked. 

Nora pasted a smile on her face, “No, unfortunately they couldn’t make it, but I know they were watching from home.” 

“I have a question for Nora…” another reporter started and Nora wished that just one of them could direct their attention to Matthew. 

“Why aren’t you in the NWHL?” a reporter asked. That caused Nora to pause. The answer caught in her throat. She knew that was the question that thousands of people had on their minds. There was a league for female hockey players, a great league, so why wasn’t Nora playing in it? Nora had rehearsed the answer to the inevitable in the mirror for what felt like hundreds of times, but here the words failed her. 

Tanya looked over at her and watched as she floundered for a response. “Sorry,” Nora said as she brushed a loose strand of hair behind her ear, “would you mind repeating the question?”

“Sure, Nora, why aren’t you in the NWHL?” the reporter repeated. 

“I- I-...”

“Alright, I think our time has wrapped up,” Tanya said as she closed out the interview, saving Nora from answering. Once all the reporters left, Nora turned to Tanya. “I’m sorry, I don’t know why I couldn’t answer that.”

Tanya smiled but it didn’t quite reach her eyes, “Don’t worry, we can discuss some possible answers and better prepare you for media availability in the future.”

“Thanks,” Nora said. Matthew hadn’t said anything except for the one question directed towards him about his second-period goal. All Nora wanted to do was go back to her hotel room and take a nice warm shower. She didn’t give either of them a chance to say anything and instead headed out and grabbed her coat, knowing her gear would travel with the rest of the team’s. She walked the couple of blocks back to the hotel. She kept her head down, hoping to remain unrecognized by fans who were still lingering by the arena and made it back to her hotel room without running into anyone. She stripped out of her Flames-branded gear and headed for the shower. In the mirror, she could already see bruises starting to develop from where she’d been checked into the boards.  She should have been ecstatic to be playing in the NHL; most people in her position would be, but she didn’t. She just wanted the day to be over and to go to bed. That was what made her sad, that she didn’t care that much about being in the NHL, it was just a means to an end. Before she went to sleep, she took one more look at her phone and reminded herself why she was doing this. She knew why she was playing in the NHL; she just couldn’t say it. 

Nora glanced around the dining room for breakfast the next day looking for a place to sit. It felt like high school all over again. Ideally, she would have sat near Jacob or Johnny, but their tables were all filled so instead she sat in an open seat with some of the other newer players, Elias, and Matthew. They were happily chatting about some football game that Nora knew nothing about. She tried to follow along for a while, but after realizing that she didn’t really have anything to contribute, she hurriedly ate her breakfast and wanted to rush back to her room. She cleared her plate and offered a faint excuse for something she’d forgotten in her room, hoping to leave. It wasn’t like any of them would notice that she was gone anyways. She’d only made it a little ways before she heard footsteps follow her out. 

“What’s your problem?” Matthew asked as he cornered Nora. 

“I don’t have a problem,” Nora said. 

“You could at least try to pretend to be interested in getting along with the team,” Matthew said.

“What are you talking about?” Nora asked. 

“You didn’t come out with us last night,” Matthew said. 

“I wasn’t invited,” Nora answered.

“Everyone was,” Matthew said. 

“Well I wasn’t,” Nora insisted. 

“It was in the group chat,” Matthew said. 

“I’m not in the group chat, so I didn’t see the message,” Nora said. 

“Oh,” Matthew said. 

“Yeah,” Nora said.

Matthew fished out his phone and fiddled around with a few buttons. “There, you should be added now.”

“Thanks,” Nora said. Matthew looked like he was going to say something more but reconsidered. 

“Ready for the flight?” Matthew asked.

“Yeah,” Nora replied, “I’ll be back down soon.” She headed back up to her room and collapsed on the bed, with just a few minutes before she’d have to pack her things for the flight. Against her better judgement she scrolled through the group chat back to previous messages and saw messages from when it had been announced that she’d been called up to the Flames.

Johnny: That girl from the AHL’s being brought up. 

Peter: Really? I didn’t think she was that good.

Elias: She’s on a five-game goal streak.

Matthew: We’re getting a girl on the team? Are we really that bad that they need to bring her up? 

Nora sighed and put her phone away. Tears pricked her eyes as she tried to blink them away. There were other comments like that in the group chat that they hadn’t bothered to delete and Nora read them, wanting to know what her teammates really thought about her. Reactions ranged from ambivalent to disgust, with most somewhere in the middle. There was a knock on the door as a warning to head downstairs and Nora tried to compose herself. 

“Are you okay?” Johnny asked when Nora arrived downstairs with her bag. 

“Yeah, I’m ready to head to Detroit,” Nora replied with a fake smile on her face.