#after that I would say his memory is probably the best its ever been
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
ouliarts · 23 hours ago
Text
I would like to mention that when "Roads" got shot in the head, he actually forgot basically everything about his life. The only reason why he goes by Roads is because he thought it sounded right. He chases Benny down mostly because he wants answers from him rather than vengeance. (though the vengeance is still nice)
But even before getting shot, his memory was already getting pretty bad. Living for 200 years will probably do that to a person. He barely remembered what the old world even looked like.
3 notes · View notes
sanemistar · 1 month ago
Text
STILL LOVE YOU
Tumblr media
contents ★ satoru x fem!reader, angst to fluff, exes to lovers, 1k+ wc. ノ requested for my milestone event. synopsis ★ what will you do if your ex shows up unprompted in the middle of the night asking your for a second chance?
event m.list ★ jjk m.list
Tumblr media
it was quite late at night, probably a little past midnight when you heard a knock on the door of your apartment. you furrowed your eyebrows in confusion, you weren’t expecting any visits especially when it was this late at night. hesitant, you carefully walked up and slowly opened the door.
the moment the door was opened, you were instantly greeted with the sight of satoru, your ex boyfriend of all people, whom showed up at your door unprompted in the middle of the night. you hadn’t seen him since the breakup, so seeing him again after all that time had shaken you quite hard. past memories of when you and him were so happy and madly in love with one another floated in your mind as you reminisced about all the happy times you had spent together with him for some time.
it was at that moment when you couldn’t believe how fragile you were. like just when you thought you had already moved on and completely forgotten about him as if he had never existed, you’d been reminded of satoru yet again and the fact that you had only been pretending to be indifferent about him when in reality you still had feelings for him.
you took a look at his face, it was still the same as ever. yet, something felt off. he wasn’t smirking or grinning, he wasn’t making any playful faces. his face was blank, pale and dull. heavy dark circles were seen underneath his blue eyes and his white hair was quite disheveled. frankly, his appearance concerned you. it was your first time seeing satoru in this state, you had no idea he could look that miserable.
“what brings you here, gojo?” you sternly asked, trying your best to control your emotions and not let yourself slip up. addressing him as if he were a complete stranger to you.
satoru, who still had lingering feelings for you, who still couldn’t accept the fact that you were no longer his. had no idea as to why he showed up at your door, especially that late in the night. his body acted on its own and his feet just naturally led him to your apartment, a place where was once so familiar to him that it felt like his own home.
but deep down, he knew that he only came here because he missed you, and he wanted to see your beautiful face once again in person.
“cuz baby i…. i miss you.” he stammered as he spoke, his voice cracked as if he was trying to hold himself from crying. you felt a knot in your stomach the moment you heard him call you baby.
“i don’t think we’re in a relationship that allows you to call me that, gojo.” you emphasized on his last name, reminding him of the fact that you were no longer in a relationship.
“look, if you have nothing important to say i’m done with this conversation.” if you were to tell your past self that there’d be a day when you would talk to your beloved toru like that, she would never believe you. honestly, even you were surprised by how cruelly you sounded at that moment, but a part of you thought he deserved it for causing you pain and heartbreak the day he called it quits with you.
you were right about to slam the door shut when he put his hand on it, stopping you from doing so.
“i know i haven’t treated you right the first time and i absolutely regret it.. i’m so sorry it took me so long to realize that, but if you give me a second chance, i promise i’ll treat you right this time around.” you’d never heard satoru say he regretted something he did before, so you were quite taken aback by his statement.
he was fully aware that you were too good for him and he didn’t deserve you. after all, he had once failed to give you the love that you truly deserved.
“please baby… please come back to me..” you couldn’t believe that the satoru gojo, the most arrogant and cocky man who flaunted his powers and strength at any given chance, was right here at your door, looking at you with such a sorrowful expression on his face while desperately begging you to forgive him and allow him to be with you once more.
the part of you that still loved him, the one part of you that you’d been desperately trying to suppress, had begun to overtake you as thoughts of giving satoru a second chance began circulating in your head.
“you know what i really hate right now?” satoru fell silent as you questioned.
“i hate how i still love you.” you paused momentarily before uttering. “i still love you, toru.” you decided to put your faith in satoru once more. it was hard to admit, but it was a given fact that you still loved him despite everything that happened.
he blinked profusely, still trying to process the words he had just heard, not only did you call him by the nickname you’d given him, but also you told him you still loved him. his feelings were mutual. after all, he had never stopped loving you to begin with.
not being able to resist and hold himself back any longer, his body moved on its own yet again and he instantly ran to you as he tightly held you in his arms. he held you so tight for dear life yet at the same time his touch was so soft and gentle, full of warmth and genuine love.
“i love you too, my baby. thank you for giving me another chance to be with you. this time, i promise i’ll never make you sad.” he cried against your ears as you buried your face in his chest and began crying as well. you deeply inhaled the smell of his cologne, the same unforgettable, sweet smell that you had terribly missed.
Tumblr media
𝜗𝜚 taglist: @unriding @lxnarphase @sylusdoll @itachiiwrites @itoshivy @17020 @luv-lies @suguru-getos @kasukuna
990 notes · View notes
alicentofhightower · 6 months ago
Text
the cost of a dragon
Tumblr media
pairing: addam velaryon x wife!reader
synopsis: addam is covered in cuts and scrapes from falling and running in the forest, and now you must take care of him.
includes: fluff, episode 6 heavy spoilers, probably historically inaccurate w some parts but we’re just gonna Let That Slide, not proofread again oops
wc: 1.3k
a/n: i love him so bad. rn my top 3 tb characters are rhaenyra rhaena and addam. he’s so sweet!! i really hope we get to see a lot more of him in the next few episodes
-
Addam is bewildered when he returns to your home, panting, eyes wide and mouth agape. You’ve never seen him like this, but you guess that it’s the dragon laying beside your house that’s done it.
“What’s happened?” You exclaim when you see the way he’s stumbled in, bleeding from a cut on his cheek.
“…The, the dragon,” He mumbles, locked hair spilling over his shoulders. Addam walks over to where you stand by the kitchen table, hands gently grasping your forearms, as yours do his, thumbs running over your skin to ground himself. He smells strange, like something otherworldly. Could it have been because of the beast outside your door?
“It came to me, followed me through the woods by the shore. I think I’ve claimed him. Yes, that’s what I’ve done. I must go.” Addam attempts to retract himself from your grip, but to no avail.
The pots and pans inside rattle when the silver creature lay its head on the yard outside, no doubt resting from its flight. “Please, my love,” Addam insists. “I need to go and see the queen myself. She is in need of more dragons herself, is she not? If I serve her, perhaps she will allow you and I to live at Dragonstone with her. This is our chance.”
You shake your head, apron ruffling from the beach’s wind blowing through the window. Addam has always been ambitious, has always wanted the best for you and himself. He’s fiercely loyal to you, a quality that made you want to marry him in the first place.
“Addam.” Your hands fly up to cup his cheeks, stopping him from continuing on with his tangent. “You’re covered in gashes and dirt and sand. At least let me lend you a hand.”
He softens at that, jaw seeming to unclench. Addam’s brown eyes have always been expressive, and now they seem to look at you as if you’re the sweetest person he’s ever known. “…I suppose you’re right,” He mutters, “but we must make haste.”
Finally, you let go of each other. You use one of your hands to intertwine your fingers with his, and the other to grip your skirts as you lead him to your room. It’s small and modest, mostly swallowed up by the bed you share. “Sit,” You say, almost commandingly, quickly fetching a spare piece of cloth by the tub in the main room and a bowl of water.
Addam’s eyes almost glint at the way you flounce about before him. He spreads his legs so you are able to stand between them, chin tilting up so he can make eye contact with you while you fix him up.
“Let me see.”
He holds out his right arm, palm up, covered in tiny scratches and sand from his poor attempt to escape from his new dragon. Seasmoke, he remembers. Addam squeezes your right hand lightly while the other cleans him up.
You barely manage to suppress a heavy scoff at the mess in front of you, but you dab gently at it with the towel anyway, soaked with water. “What did you do?” You ask, brows knitting together. “Did you try to run from it?”
“Yes,” He admits, face scrunching together at the fresh memory. You’ve told him to be careful of the sky-beasts constantly looming over the two of you, and he knows he’ll be scolded for trying to escape the damn thing.
You shake your head, mostly to yourself, and Addam’s shoulders deflate. “Well, what would you have done?” He asks, exasperated. “My apologies for wanting to come home to you tonight.”
You pinch his arm. “I only worry for you,” You say, voice soft. Addam and his brother, Alyn, are the only family you’ve left; you’d never known your father, and your sweet mother had died of a fever shortly after your seventeenth nameday. She hadn’t been able to last, to see you wed the man you love so dearly.
“…What will you say, when you see Queen Rhaenyra? She may think you are coming as a foe, to battle rather than service.”
Addam hisses as you brush against a particularly deep cut, eyes squeezing shut. “Sorry,” You say, and he only tips your interlaced fingers up to his lips and kisses the back of your hand.
Your husband pauses after he lets your hands back down, considering the weight of whatever his words to the Black Queen will mean. He almost thinks of it as a duty, to you and his brother. To further your ever so small family.
“I suppose the words will come to me when it happens.” He swallows harshly, eyes averted from yours, darting around like he’s telling himself to fucking think.
You’ve moved onto his other arm, now, and suddenly the odor of him has become unbearable. It’s nothing like anything you’ve smelled before.
Grimacing, you drop the washcloth and cover your nose with your hand, taking a step back. “What?” questions Addam, clearly confused. “What’s the matter?”
“Gods, you fucking stink. What is that?”
Addam laughs. He laughs, tension seeping out of him as he does. “It must be the dragon,” He claims, reaching out to grab your waist and pull you back towards him. “Don’t mind it, please.”
You’re unable to fight the smile you feel blooming, because despite the fact that your husband reeks of his new dragon sleeping outside your home, and your feet are sore from walking to the markets, only to find nothing, and your nerves are set ablaze thinking of his meeting with Rhaenyra, Addam is here. He’s here with you, holding you, safe in the comfort of your humble little home.
The feeling is fleeting, only settling in you for a moment, but you tip your head down to press a kiss to his mouth. “You must be vigilant,” You plead when you pull away, ignoring the way Addam’s lips seem to chase after yours. “And you must return to me. I do not know what I would do if I were to lose you.”
“I will be. I swear it.”
You brush away the dried blood on his cheek with the cloth, frowning. “We should leave, shouldn’t we? Fly to Essos, where we will be safe without the threat of war. That dragon is large enough to saddle three, isn’t it? We can go-“
A thumb soothingly presses against your lips, silencing you. “…If I can put the thing to use, it will strengthen us. Strengthen whatever I have with my father.”
Addam had always been desperate to get the same attention from Lord Corlys that Alyn had always seemed to receive after he’d saved the man. You’d never spoken to the Lord Velaryon yourself before, but it was hard to miss the way he’d stare at you when you visited your husband in the shipyard, almost melancholically.
“I do not care for jewels and gowns and for you to be gilded in glory, Addam,” You state, pushing his wrist away from your face. “I care for you. Should we not go now? I could find your brother.”
“No.” He shakes his head, standing from the bed, now towering over you. His fingers, callused from his seemingly never-ending work on Lord Corlys’s ship, caress your waist almost reverently.
Almost every inch of your skin heats up when Addam leans down to kiss your chest, right where your heart is. The skin is covered by the sea-blue gown you wear, a white apron tied about your waist, and you shudder at the feel of his lips on such an intimate spot.
He kisses up from your bosom to your mouth again, firm and sweet and longing. There’s no guarantee you’ll ever see him again, but some strange part of you feels that all will be well. It’s a naive thought, perhaps, but one you welcome nonetheless.
“I will come back to you,” He promises, voice rasping. “I love you.”
1K notes · View notes
sweetcollywobbles · 7 months ago
Text
more leon headcanons
Tumblr media
i miss him i miss him i miss him i miss him i miss him i miss him
i miss my wife, tails.
so lets talk about him.
⟢ leon was 6 years old when his family was murdered. there was a time when he could remember all of their faces. yet as he gets older, their faces have become a lot more blurry. sometimes he catches himself staring into the mirror. did nonno have the same nose as he did? was he the same blonde as his nonna? does he have his moms' smile? were his dad's eyes just as blue as his? when they looked at him, did they see themselves in him as he's so desperatley trying to remember them in him?
⟢ leon is the italian version of a "no sabo" kid. he knows the language, yet doesn't seem to be able to put the words together himself. he just kinda stands there nodding his head with a blank stare. then when he has to respond he's just kinda like "uuuhhhh tbh idk". he knows how to correctly pronounce some words and phrases, but that's about it.
⟡HOWEVER, he will call his lover with italian terms of endearment, i.e., amore mio, cucciolotta, cuore mio, piccola, etc. he might even say some phrases that he does know in italian, i.e., Io e te per sempre (you and me forever), sei la mia vita (you are my life), ti amo tanto (i love you so much), etc.
+p.s. sorry for any misinterpretations, i'm not italian but i am mexican so spanish and italian are not too different (???) but please correct me if i'm wrong!
⟢ leon has always been a dinosuar guy. he's watched probably every dino documentary thats ever been made and rewatches them whenever they're on. so, naturally, whenever he travels for work, he'll try his best to visit every museum he possibly can to see their dino exhibit and nothing else. of course, as het gets older (probably DI to RE6) he'll explore the other exhibits but for rn he'll just stick to the dino exhibits. and if you must ask him what his favorite dinosuar is, he'll say the answer he said as a kid, a spinosaurus. it's common enough for people to know and not give him a strange look of confusion. but really, his heart belongs to the pachycephalosaurus.
⟡ of course, in its natural progression, leon will also delve into a fascination of raptors and reptiles. he'll go to zoos and spend his time in the reptile exhibit. he'll also go bird watching for any avian raptors he can find. this also does mean that he has nice pair binoculars and will buy a native bird identify guide when he travels. his documentary options have now expanded with his two new interests which really excites him.
⟢ whether you believe it or not, leon is actually more of a fruity cocktail kinda guy. he doesn't mind beer or hard liquor, especially when he needs something strong and to the point. something to help him drink away the bad memories and all too realistic nightmares. but if he's just in the mood to enjoy himself, leon will cook up a salty dog or a cranberry vodka.
⟢ leon oh so terribly wants kids. but before he forces you into his life, he never thought that to be possible. so in his off time, he would volunteer for the NICU at the local hospital to be a baby cuddler. he got into it after he tried it with rebecca. it gave him the sense that everything will be okay, that even if he can't have a few of his own, at least he can be there for little ones that need someone, even if its for a moment.
⟡ TRUST, that once you do have a baby with this man, he's all over them. that baby will never not be in his arms or in the proximity of him. he's on spit up and diaper duty. baby wakes up late at night crying? no worries, he's already in the room (he was sleeping on the nursery floor). you will almost have to battle this man to hold YOUR baby.
⟢ leon is actually a really big fan of romcoms and time pieces. in fact, his favorite time piece movie is pride and prejudice. oh he absolutely adores romantic pieces like that especially because he's a hopeless romantic at heart. he's fallen in love with the idea of falling in love with a girl he's just met and having soft intimate moments with them. his guilty pleasure romcom is 13 going on 30, especially since after the whole plagas incident, the movie was just released and he binged that movie on repeat.
⟡ BUT, just because he likes time pieces and romcoms doesn't mean he doesn't like action or thriller movies. leon's a really big fan of the matrix series and star wars series. also the fast and furious franchise is actually where his love of fast cars and motorcycles stem from. he just can't do any horror movies because baby has trauma :(
₊˚⊹ ᥫ᭡. 𓂃
it's not much, but i thought these were silly and gave him a little more character. please let me know what you think or if you have any headcanons of your own!!!
xxox
558 notes · View notes
lamentationsofalonelypotato · 8 months ago
Text
Tumblr media
Chapter 17: How Could I Ever Forget?
Pairing: Soldier Boy x f!reader, Reader POV
Summary: When the reader left Payback 40 years ago after a falling out with her childhood best friend she never looked back, but when two men show up to her apartment and start asking her questions about the past, the reader begins to think those things can’t stay hidden and starts to question what’s real and what’s fantasy.  This is a re-telling of The Boys Season 3, where the reader is a supe who's known Soldier Boy since 1927. The chapters will fluctuate between past and present. This is chapter seventeen of my "You Call It Madness But I Call It Love" series. (I'm so bad at summaries please forgive me!)
Word Count: 9.1K
Warnings: References to sex, Cursing, Angst, Past Violence reference, Soft Ben, Fluff,  Soldier Boy might be, is, really, absolutely, completely a little OOC, Soldier Boy is really all you need as a warning.
Note: This is told from the Reader's perspective. Any references to the reader is made using you or your. There is minimal use of y/n. I tried my best to proofread, but nobody's perfect. Reader is described as "curvy" occasionally. If you don’t like, don’t read, but if you do like, you’re my favorite!
Internal Monologue is in first person and is in italics
Series Masterlist
Masterlist
Additional Warning: Soldier Boy is again, super OC and fluffy in this chapter. If you do not like that, you probably shouldn't read this?
Tumblr media
Guide
Rosemary's Phone
Reader's Phone
Tumblr media
You sigh softly as you wake, the light from under your curtains illuminates your bedroom and sends a warm glow over your bed. You had never been a morning person. The only motivation you ever had to get out of bed was the hope of a cup of strong coffee waiting for you in the kitchen. But as you lay there, mind still a little cloudy from sleep you can't help but think that something feels different, that you've forgotten something important.
Maybe a shower will make me remember.
Instinctively you start to move towards the edge of your bed to get up, but something heavy tightens its grip around your chest making it impossible to move from its embrace.
What?
“Where are you going?” Ben’s voice is slurred and muffled against the pillow behind you.
The events of the night before begin to surface from the sweet haze of sleep, Ben showing up, you yelling at him, him bringing you lavender and saying everything you always wanted him to, and finally him holding you while you cried. You still weren’t sure that last part happened. That or Ben's ability to open his heart to you and tell you what he was feeling rather than reverting back into the cold attitude he adopted as Soldier Boy. In fact, you hadn't seen one shred of Soldier Boy yesterday, you'd only seen Ben, and deep down you hoped that you'd never see Soldier Boy ever again.
“Stay.” He murmurs, pulling your back into his muscular chest. “Please.”
His body is wrapped around yours, shielding you from your door, face buried in your hair, while one arm rests around your abdomen and the other is somewhere above your head bracing against the headboard. It feels natural and it makes anxiety electrify your veins.
Because what if he was going to leave again?
You turn your head to look over your shoulder.
Ben’s head is laying on the same pillow yours is, his eyes are closed, and his hair is falling forward into his peaceful face. Deep down another memory of this exact scenario surfaces, of you waking up before him when you were children and wishing that he wanted this as much as you did. Of course now he said he had wanted you the entire time time, and that he wasn’t going to leave, but deep down you dreaded what would happen when he opened his eyes.
Would he go cold again? Push me away? Say that he didn't mean any of it?
You try not to think that. You wanted him to mean all of it. You wanted him to fix it, to make it like it was before, make everything like the morning you woke up on his chest and he smiled down at you like you were everything he ever wanted. You wanted every day of your life to start that way, to be fused with wonder, love, and expectation. That morning you had woken up on his chest after your birthday, was one of the happiest memories you had, but what followed those few moments of happiness tore your heart out.
He said he wanted to fix this, that he wanted to be with me. You bite the inside of your cheek. He’s lied before. The thought fills you with dread.
“You’re thinking too much.” Ben sighs opening one green eye to stare at you. It’s a light green from sleep, but just as piercing as usual.
“I am not.”
Sometimes you though that Ben was psychic, because he was always able to read you, the same way that you always had been able to read him. Even when you were kids Ben was always able to tell what you were thinking, not to mention he always had a habit of showing up whenever you needed him.
Ben chuckles and opens his other eye. “I know you better than anyone else Sweetheart.”
“Maybe a little.” You admit.
“Hmm.”
You turn in his arms so you can look at his face and Ben adjusts his arm to drop over the curve of your hip, gently brushing his fingertips against you the base of your spine. But you don’t smile.
“What is it?” He whispers moving his face closer with a soft smile that tugs at something in your chest. “You can tell me.”
“You know.” You don't meet his eyes, the sour feeling in your chest growing with your confession as you level your gaze at his chin.
“Oh.” Ben's smile drops into a frown.
“It’s a little weird. That you’re here and you want to be-“
“I do.”
“I know. But I keep waiting for you to leave again, for you to push me away.” You hate that you have to say it out loud, but he might as well know what you're thinking. He needs to understand how much he hurt you and how worried you were about that. It was worse to keep it inside. That's what you had been doing for the better part of 40 years and now that it was all out in the open you did feel a little better, but it still hung on your heart. 
“I don’t want to leave you-"
“I know that. Or at least a part of me does. The other part…” You trail off.
Ben is quiet for a minute, before he brings his hand up to brush away the strands of your hair that have fallen into your eyes. “Do you still want me here?” His expression turns pained when he asks it, voice barely above a whisper.
You look at him, tracing the strong jaw you’d memorized, the unruly brown hair that you always wished to run you fingers through, the proud arch of his brow, and the gentle bow of his lips. “Yes.” You answer honestly. "I do."
Ben looks relieved. "Then I won't leave."
The weight of those words grounds you to this moment. He wants to be here. He doesn't want to go.
"How'd you sleep?" His right hand is still tracing your spine in smooth comforting circles over the back of your soft t-shirt.
"Good. Did you sleep?"
"Better than I have in forty years."
"I figured." You smile faintly. You allow your hands to rest on his chest, just over his heart between you so you can feel the steady beat against your fingertips. It solidified the fact that he was here with you. You stop the urge to trace your finger across his muscles, but instead focus on the warmth that soaks through his shirt into the palms of your hands. "Probably should get a little more sleep, those dark circles look like bruises." You trace the prominent purple marks that curve beneath his eyes.
You think about everything Ben told you about the lab that he was a prisoner in, all the experiments and torture he went through believing that he deserved it.
He didn't. You think to yourself as you search his face, noting again that Ben looks the same, but also different. I wonder if I'm the same way. Then again I didn't go through forty years of unrelenting torture in a Russian Lab.
The thought makes anger surge against your skin. When you were with Countess you had felt a little guilty about losing control, but now you reveled in it. She deserved more than what I did to her. If I had known what she did to Ben, I would have made it hurt.
You think about Noir, the TNT Twins, and MindStorm. You had been happy to lose touch with them after everything that happened with Ben, happy to leave behind the life you had when you were on Payback, but now you weren't sure. Ben telling you how they betrayed him made you reconsider your life in the shadows, made you reconsider turning your back on your powers. Because they deserved the same thing you did to Countess. 
"I was trying to, but somebody woke me up." Ben rolls his eyes at you, bringing you out of your thoughts of your teammates. "I remember you hating mornings as much as I do. Why are you awake?”
"I do hate mornings, but coffee makes them tolerable. Plus, I really need to take a shower."
"Oh good. I didn’t want to say anything but you really stink." Ben teases with a smirk.
"Wow." You scoff. "Big talk coming from the guy who smells like reefer, whiskey, and week old motel."
"You’re right I should probably take a shower too. But I’ll let you go first. Seems like the gentlemanly thing to do." Ben's smirk coupled with the mischievous glint in his eyes makes your heart warm. It was familiar in the best way. You didn't realize how much you missed it, how much you missed him. You'd tried to forget of course, how much you needed him in your life, how much you longed for him to be with you, and how much your friendship meant to you.
"Oh are you calling yourself a gentleman now? Because-"
“I am as much a gentleman as you are a lady and we both know that it’s a close tie.”
“Uh-huh sure.” You roll your eyes. "Maybe I would have been a lady if someone hadn't gotten me kicked out of the Dawson School For Girls."
"I never heard a thank you for that." Ben shrugs. His hand continues to circle at the base of your spine, his touch trailing warmth up your back. You weren't prepared for his touch to do the same thing to you that it did forty years ago.
It made you forget everything else, but him and it scared you. Because again you could feel yourself opening up to him, could feel yourself beginning to depend on him being there with you.
"I'll be sure to write you a thank you note."
“Hmm." Ben breathes. "Don’t use all the hot water.”
“Since this is my apartment and I pay for the water I feel that I should be entitled to use most of it.”
“Are you saying that I have to write you a check to take a shower?”
“Yep.”
“You’re fucking annoying.” Ben rolls his eyes at you playfully.
“I know. I’ve got forty years of sarcasm to make up for, so, might as well get used to it.” You smirk tapping him on the nose.
“I look forward to it.” Ben smiles back.
You try to get out of your bed again, but Ben tightens his grip on your waist pulling you back against his chest so that your faces are inches apart.
“Ben, I can't take a shower if you're holding me hostage." You joke pushing against his chest.
Ben leans his forehead against yours, making the next taunt vanish from your mind. “I missed you.”
You smile despite your mixed feelings over the two of you and the past forty years. It was hard to hold on to the fear of him pushing you away when he was holding you so close to him and gazing at you the same way he did the morning after he gave you everything you wanted.
“I missed you too.” You reply, gently smoothing a wrinkle in the front of his t-shirt.
It wasn’t a lie. You missed him more than life itself. Not just because you loved him, but because he was your best friend. He knew you inside and out, better than anyone else.
His gaze drops to your lips then flicks up to your eyes and you know what he wants but you're not ready.
“Ben-“ You breathe as he shifts his face closer. “I want to take this slow. I need us to take this slow.”
“I know.” He sighs, but then the edge of his mouth twitches. “That’s why I didn’t make a joke about saving hot water and taking a shower together.”
“Much appreciated.”
“Mhmm. It was difficult not to.” Ben pauses, his expression turns serious. “I’m going to make this right I promise. I’m going to fix this.” It wasn't the first time he'd said it, but it was nice to hear again.
The determination in his voice makes you hopeful. It made you understand that he wasn’t going to give up, even if that meant waiting for you to be ready. He was showing a considerable amount of restraint. The Soldier Boy version of Ben was not gentle or patient, but it made you feel special, as if it was only you that Ben reserved this part of himself for.
“I know.”
“I love you.” His hand comes to cup your cheek, bright green eyes searching yours earnestly.
“I love you too.”
Ben's thumb gently traces across your cheekbone. “Maybe don’t take a shower.”
“You said I stunk.” You reply with a snort, leaning your face into his touch.
“You don’t. I actually think you smell a little like me right now.”
“Oh great-“
It wasn’t that he smelled bad. Ben still smelled like his shampoo and aftershave, but there were a few other smells, all of which were stale, and ones that you attributed to the motel room Butcher made him stay in.
I can’t believe Butcher just left.
You hadn't asked Ben how he got him to leave or really why Butcher was so eager to help Ben get out of Russia.
“I like it. Plus that means you'd have to go and I don't want you to go yet." Ben’s voice softens.
Your eyes widen with his confession.
"Stay.” He whispers. The vulnerability in his eyes is back, striking you full on in the chest. You weren’t used to that, used to him being so open about wanting you, about wanting to be with you. Or really his want to do something so intimate without having sex.
"Okay." You relent and he pulls you closer.
 Your hands drift up into his hair before you can stop them, rustling through the chocolate strands, smiling as Ben sighs and presses his head into your right shoulder.
And as conflicted you are about all of this, it does something to you, makes a piece of yourself fit back together that you thought you lost long ago, because you saw that Ben was trying. He was making an effort to fix all of this. And you really hoped that he could.
Tumblr media
When you get out of the shower Ben isn't in your bedroom and the dread comes roaring back like an old enemy.
Did he leave?
The thought is immediate, followed by how empty your bedroom looks without him in it.
Shit. How can I be so dependable on him being in here already? Why am I doing this to myself again?
"Ben?" You say cautiously, shaking out your wet hair around your shoulders onto your soft t-shirt.
"Out here." Ben shouts from the kitchen.
The amount of relief you hear when he answers in his warm timbre again makes you anxious, because you hated how much your body responded to him and how quickly you had reinserted him into your life. It was like your heart wanted to break again.
You had opted to put the same clothes on that you had been wearing before because the sweatpants and t-shirt were preferable for a lazy morning and you weren't expecting to go anywhere today.
Well, not really. Then again I might have to go talk to Rosemary. How do I tell her that her dad is back and he showed up at my apartment? Or better yet, how do I tell her that he spent the night?
You press your lips together.
I mean I didn't sleep with him, but I did sleep with him and I don’t think she's going to be ecstatic that he's back in my life. Or our lives? Is she going to actually want him in her life?
You think about what Ben said about not leaving and his want to stay with you.
How am I going to explain any of this to her? She's just going to say that I forgave him and not listen to me. She's just so damn stubborn.
Another thought crosses your mind just as quickly.
How am I going to tell Ben that he’s a dad?
You had considered that exact question in the past, when you wondered what would have happened if Ben hadn’t died. If you would have told him that you were pregnant and if he would have even cared. Especially after everything he said that night and everything he did.
And now that he was back and said he didn’t want to leave, you weren’t sure how to tell him he was a dad. He was still trying to get used to living in the present, not to mention you were still trying to get used to him wanting to be there with you and the idea that he loved you.
But I can’t just avoid Rosemary. She needs to know this, needs to know that he’s back. Why is my life so complicated?
Ben's reply is followed by a loud crashing noise and some muffled curses, that draw you out of your thoughts about your daughter.
"Are you okay?" You run out of your bedroom into the hallway, but stop in shock just as you enter the edge of your living room. "What the hell are you doing?"
"Come on you stupid, fucking thing!" Ben shouts. He’s standing in your kitchen, holding your coffeemaker in a chokehold against his chest, and aggressively jabbing his finger against the digital interface.
“Wait stop! You’re going to break it! And I’ll never forgive you if you break Sully!” You rush over to where he's standing in your kitchen, taking the machine from him and placing it back on the counter. It looks okay, but not having coffee this morning was not an option for you. Not having coffee after the night you'd had meant that someone in the apartment was going to die and it wasn't going to be you.
“Sully?” Ben asks confused.
“The coffeemaker.” You begin to hook it up and type in the normal settings you use, before going to look through your cabinets for the bag of coffee grounds.
I know I still have some in here somewhere.
“You named your coffeemaker?”
“He looks like an Sully." You shrug as you look over at him with a smile.
You didn't tell him that it was Lou that named the coffeemaker after you watched Monster's Inc. with her and she imprinted on the closest blue object.
"And what are you doing?” You ask. The smell of the coffee grounds gives you a jolt of energy as you scoop out the correct amount for the machine.
Ben watches you go through the steps. “I wanted to make you coffee.”
The thought was surprising, given that Ben had never made you coffee, ever. Whenever he woke up at you apartment all those mornings you both either went for coffee at the café down the street, or you made coffee while Ben took a shower.
“It’s okay I’ll do it. It’s a little more high tech than what you’re used to.” You start to push him gently out of the way so you can reach the glass  decanter where it sits on the drying rack next to the sink.
“No.” He says firmly, refusing to budge. “I want to know how to make you coffee.”
“Why?”
“Because you love coffee and maybe one morning I’d like to- I don’t know- make you some or something?”
“Do you see yourself in my kitchen? Because that’s something I’d never imagine-“ You try to think of him walking around, making breakfast or dinner but the image doesn’t fit. Ben didn’t know how to cook, not to mention his usual misogynistic attitude usually meant that he never set foot in the kitchen except to find a bottle of booze.
He crosses his arms over his chest defiantly. “Well this is where I live. I imagine that I’d be in the kitchen at some point.”
You freeze, your hand still pressed against his bicep from when you tried to move him out of the way.
“What?” Ben realizes what he’s said. “Oh- um- I know you want to take things slow, but I figured I could just sleep on the couch. I didn’t need to sleep in bed with you like last night. I-“ He scrunches up his face, unsure. “I wasn’t lying when I said I wasn’t going to leave you again and I thought I might as well be living here. But if I assumed wrong I can get an apartment if that makes you more comfortable. I mean I didn’t  use the one I had forty years ago, I spent most of my time at your apartment with you and I kinda thought-well-“ He’s watching you with wide eyes. “Fuck. I’m sorry I shouldn’t have assumed-“
Ben was blabbering, nervous despite his inability to admit it, afraid in his own way that you were going to reject him, think him less of a man for revealing how much he wanted you to be in his life. And it does something to you, understanding that you're not the only one who's afraid of what comes next.
You smile at his obvious discomfort, heart clenching to see how much he wants to stay, and recognize how much you don't want him to go. How despite everything, you want him to stay here with you, and that you don't want him to live somewhere else. Because living somewhere else means that you wouldn't wake up in his arms and you wouldn't see his sleepy smile when he first opened his eyes.
You hug him around the waist and tuck your face into the hollow of his throat. “You can live here Ben.” You say, your voice no more than a murmur.
“Are you sure? I know that you don’t want to rush things. You want to take this slow and I understand how important that is to you.“ Ben's hands come up around you to hold you closer to him.
“Kinda hard for you to fix things if you’re living somewhere across town.” You mutter into his shirt, nuzzling your face into the soft fabric. “Plus I like the idea of you bringing me coffee in the morning.”
“And I like the idea of living with you.” He whispers into the top of your head. “So does that mean I’m entitled to hot water?”
“We can discuss terms later. Right now I really need some coffee.”  You place you chin on his chest and look up into his deep green eyes.
“So you’ll take payment in the form of coffee?” Ben's smile is contagious.
“Perhaps.”
Ten minutes later Sully is buzzing pleasantly as it brews, glinting  blue in the light that streams through the large windows on the opposite side of your apartment, and Ben knows how to use it without swearing and breaking it in half. 
He drifts over to the part of your living room that serves as your art studio, examining the canvases splashed with color and the half-full sketchbooks on the large wooden table pressed under the windows. It was messier over there than  the rest of your apartment, but you thrived on the mess, thrived on the chaos of art supplies that were scattered over the table top like multicolored fish.
“I followed your advice.” You smile leaning against the counter to watch him. “Started selling my art. It’s selling pretty well. Has been for a while.”
It was still weird that he was here in your apartment. Each time you looked up and saw him, you were surprised, but at the same time there was something deep down that was happy to see him there, dressed in normal clothes. Waking up next to him and having him make you coffee was the domestic relationship you had wanted with him so long ago. It was what you used to imagine when you were curled up on your couch in your old apartment downtown.
“Of course it is. You’re talented.” He replies while flipping through your sketchpad, the flick of the pages drowned out by the bubbling of the coffee.
"I actually have a show coming up in a few weeks-" You weren't sure if you were still going to make enough pieces in time, especially given everything that was happening in your life with Ben or what would happen when you told Rosemary.
"Good." Ben glances up from the sketchpad. "I want to go."
"I'd like that." You blush under his gaze before your eyes drift back to the box of letters smiling faintly.  “I still can’t believe you kept them.”
“Got kicked out of boarding school number nine because of them.”
“I thought you got kicked out because  you were in a fight.” You raise an eyebrow. “You never told me why.”
“Because someone stole the letters and read them out loud in the cafeteria.”
“You’re kidding!” You snort.
“No.”
“So he exposed you for being a simp and your immediate reaction was to fight him in the cafeteria?” Your fingertips brush over the faded script on the sheets of paper.
“Being a what?” Ben looks confused as he walks slowly towards you.
“Oh right.” You press your lips together to think of a way to explain it without insulting him. “It means being head over heels for someone.” It was a bit of a stretch but he didn’t need to know that. He didn’t need to know that the meaning was closer to something Ben would ascribe to being a pussy.
“I am.” His hands go on the counter around you pinning you between the metal and his muscular chest, looking down with so much love and care in his eyes that it makes you dizzy.
It was jarring. How could he flip the switch so easily? How could he be so open now to me and not be like this before?
You think about the moments you spent in bed together 40 years ago, the look in his eyes the perfect morning, how he held you like he never wanted you to let him go and you didn’t want him to.
“Are you now?”
“Mhmm.” Ben tilts his head down towards your forehead, but just before it rests against yours,  your phone buzzes where you left it on the counter the night before, drawing your eyes to the illuminated screen.
“What is that?” Ben asks. You gently push him away to pick up the phone that continues to vibrate.
“Shit.” You mutter to yourself. You had ten missed calls from Rosemary not to mention a barrage of texts that each got more and more unhinged as they were delivered.
Rosemary: Hey.    Rosemary: Did you land? Rosemary: Mom? Rosemary: HELLO?     Rosemary: Mom are you in trouble? Rosemary: MOM.   Rosemary: Please you’re scaring me. Rosemary: Pick up the phone. Rosemary: PICK UP THE PHONE Rosemary: PICK  Rosemary: UP Rosemary: THE Rosemary: PHONE Rosemary: If you don’t pick up I’m going to buy a plane ticket. Rosemary: I bought a plane ticket. Rosemary: I’m packing a bag- Rosemary: I’m calling Lou’s babysitter. Rosemary: I’m scheduling an Uber!
Rosemary: Alright to whoever  has my mom’s fucking phone, I’m coming and when I get there she better be okay. Because if she’s not, there will be nowhere for you to hide.
You tap out a quick message to sate her ridiculous descent into madness, before thinking of what you need to say next.
You: Rosie it’s okay. I’m fine!
She Immediately texts back.
Rosemary: What’s the safe word?
You: Pineapple.
Rosemary: What’s the second safe word?
Your fingertips hover over the screen as you try to remember if Rosemary had decided a second word that gave the all clear, but you can't remember one.
You: We don’t have a second safe word?
Rosemary: I know I was testing you. Where the hell did you go? Why didn’t you text me? I thought the plane was supposed to land early this morning?
You: My plans changed I didn’t have to go to Russia. I’ll tell you later. Lots happened and I need to work a few things out.
Rosemary: What happened? Did you find out he wasn’t there?
You: No I didn’t need to go.
You stop typing to try and think of a way to phrase that her father showed up out of the blue and slept over.
Well he didn't sleep over, sleep over, but he did stay in my bed with me and… she's going to kill me.
Rosemary: Because?
Rosemary: BECAUSE?
You: He kinda showed up here.
Rosemary: HE WHAT?
You: He showed up at my apartment.
Rosemary: Are you okay? DID HE HURT YOU? ILL BE THERE IN TEN MINUTES-
You: No he didn’t hurt me. I promise. All we did was talk. If anything I hurt him.
Rosemary: Good.
You watch the three dots flicker across the screen of your phone to signify that she is responding, waiting with your heartbeat thundering in your ears.
Rosemary: Is he still there?
You: Yes.
Rosemary: Do you need me to come over?
You: No. He’s been through a lot. The last thing he needs is for you to show up guns blazing. I haven’t told him about you or Lou yet-
Rosemary: You fucking forgave him didn’t you? WHY?!!
You: I didn’t forgive him. It’s complicated-
Rosemary: What happened to just slapping him around a bit then telling him to fuck off? That was a good plan. I LOVED THAT PLAN!
You: Well I did tell him to fuck off but it got more complicated.
Rosemary: OH MY FUCKING G-
“Hey you okay?” Ben’s voice jars you from the barrage of messages on your phone. His gaze is leveled on your face, noting the worried frown that pulls at your lips.
“Yeah. Sorry someone was texting me-“ You try to wave him off, afraid that he can see the texts on the screen of your phone.
I don't want him to find out this way. Not by glancing over my shoulder and seeing the manic, overprotective texts from our daughter.
“They were what?” He looks down at the phone in your hand confused, but you lock the screen.
“Oh right. Sorry I forgot that you’ve  been living under a rock the past forty years. It’s kinda like sending a message, instantaneously so you can talk to someone else.”
You really didn't feel like explaining texting and Wi-fi at the moment with him. You were too worried about the introduction between Ben and Rosemary that was looming over you like a guillotine.
But he still looks confused.
“I’ll get you a phone, don’t worry.”
There's so much he's missed.
Your phone buzzes in your hand and you know it’s Rosemary.
She's not going to give up.
Ben looks down at it again curious. “Sounds like someone’s trying to get ahold of you.”
“She can wait.”
“She?”
“Friend of mine.” You answer quickly.
Ben raises an eyebrow. “I can tell when you’re lying.”
“I know.”
The phone buzzes again and you sigh, knowing that the longer you ignore her, the worse it will be. And the last thing you needed was for Rosemary to show up and kick down the door of your apartment with Lou in tow.
“Impatient isn’t she?” Ben comments, noting how the phone continues to vibrate.
“Yeah she is. She’s also incredibly stubborn.”
“Huh sounds like someone I know.” The edge of his mouth quirks in a familiar smile that makes you wish that you had the courage to tell him.
“You have no idea.”
“So?”
“So?”
“Are you going to answer her?”
“I should.” You press your lips together trying to think of a way to bring this up. “Ben I have to tell you something.”
“What?” He brushes back your hair, tenderly stroking his finger along your skin and trailing warmth with his caress. It distracts you for a moment.
“Well after that night we spent together I-um- I stopped being a hero.”
How the fuck do I say this?
“Yes I assumed that given what we talked about at the premiere.” He frowns remembering that night.
“And it wasn’t just because I wanted to leave it was because-um- well, I was different.”
How is he going to react? Is he going to be happy? Angry? Upset that we weren't more careful?
“Sweetheart I know you’re different, that’s why I love you.” He’s watching you softly, eyes a light green, filled with more love than you can comprehend.
It makes it difficult to find your words.
“No not like that I was, well, there’s no easy way to say this.” You pause and take Ben’s hand, raising your eyes to his and stroking your thumb over the warm skin. “I left because I was pre-“
Butcher kicks open the front door of your apartment interrupting what you were going to say next. “Good morning lovebirds. Did you kiss and make up yet?” Butcher flashes a salacious grin, eyeing Ben and your close proximity.
“That’s none of your fucking business.” Ben snaps his eyes narrowed at the man standing in the doorway.
“Touchy.” Butcher raises his hands in a sarcastic surrender.
“Why are you here?” You ask turning to look at him.
Could he have chosen a WORSE time to come here? 
Hughie is loitering in the hall behind him as if deciding whether or not to come in. You couldn't blame him. The poor guy looked like a deer in the headlights yesterday when you threw Ben across the room.
Butcher walks into the kitchen straight for the coffeemaker not asking for permission before he pours himself a cup. “Well I found those TNT fucks that your boyfriend was looking for. Thought he’d want to pay them a visit.”
You turn to look at Ben surprised. “You’re going after the twins?”
Ben and you hadn’t spoken about his next move. He’d only talked about his plans to stay with you and hadn’t mentioned anything about going after your old team.
Not that you were against it. You weren't against making them pay for what they did to him. You weren't against making the remaining members wish that they hadn't sold Ben out. Of course, you hadn't said that to Ben. If anything you were going to give it a few days to get settled together before you brought it up. And you certainly weren't going to bring it up in front of Rosemary, who had been less than pleased when you killed Countess, and wouldn't approve of a bloody rampage all over New York. It definitely wouldn't make her like Ben any more than she already did.
"Yeah." Ben's expression darkens as his eyes flick from your face to Butcher. “Where are they?”
“A few hours outside New York. Brought your suit.”
You didn't like how eager Butcher was to help Ben and remember what Legend said about how Butcher liked killing supes. It made you anxious, because why would Butcher want to help Ben? Was it for the thrill of it? But the last thing you were going to do was leave Ben with a guy who likes killing supes.
Hughie holds up a plastic bag that must contain Ben’s old supe suit and you try not to shudder when you remember the last time you saw him wear it.
“I’ll be a minute.” Ben mutters to you squeezing your hand once before taking the bag and disappearing down the dark hallway towards your bedroom.
But you're not done talking about this with him and as you turn to follow, Hughie steps in front of you.
“Hey I just wanted to say that I'm really sorry."
“About what?” You ask confused.
What does he have to apologize for? He saw Ben and me yelling at each other and saw me throw him across the room. If anything I should be embarrassed about them hearing everything that I shouted at Ben yesterday.
“If I had known what happened between the two of you I would have tried harder to keep Butcher from bringing him here.” Hughie rubs the back of his neck and scrunches up his face sheepishly.
Again, what is he doing hanging around Butcher? Hughie seems to care about other people. And Butcher just seems like-
Your eyes skate to where Butcher is drinking from his cup of coffee unamused. And Butcher is just an asshole.
"It's okay. I'm glad you did. I've been holding on to some stuff for a really long time and Ben has been too. I’m glad that we got to talk things out.”
“So you're okay now?" Hughie raises an eyebrow. "He didn't-“ He pauses as if he's uncomfortable saying what comes next and you try to understand why.
“Didn't?” You ask confused.
“He's kinda rough I was worried that he would-“
He thought that Ben would hurt me.
“Ben might seem a little gruff, but not with me. He's never-“ You stop remembering the premiere and adjust your sentence. “He wouldn't hurt me. And if anything you saw that I can handle him pretty well.” You can't help, but smile and nod your head back towards the couch.
“Yeah. That was intense.” Hughie cracks a nervous smile.
“Yeah” You laugh awkwardly. “ I didn’t mean to lose my shit like that. I’m usually pretty good at controlling myself-"
“Is that what happened to Countess?” Butcher interrupts.
You blink at him surprised. “Yeah. She tried to kill me and she- she said a few things not worth repeating. I didn’t go there with the intention of killing her, I actually just wanted to talk but it got out of hand.”
"What exactly are your powers anyway? Vought's files said you were like him." Butcher nods his head in the direction of where Ben disappeared to.
"I am." The lie is easy. It was the secret that you kept for eighty years, the secret that only Ben and Rosemary knew. Because you knew that particular power made you different than other supes. You had been disappointed to learn that Rosemary's power also made her different than the usual roster of other supe powers that you had encountered in your lifetime. And it made you worry about Lou. Rosemary and you were waiting for the day that Lou's powers manifested and you hoped that Lou didn't have any.
Butcher's eyes narrow like he doesn't believe you, but you shrug it off.
“But I’m going to go check on him so I’ll be right back.”
And you leave your kitchen before Butcher and Hughie can ask you anything else.
When you walk in through the door of your bedroom, Ben is changing into his suit. He’s wearing the dark pants, but the top half of his suit is aying on your bedspread, and that means that you can see every perfect indention of muscle on Ben’s torso. 
You'd seen him without a shirt before, obviously, many times, but each time it did the same thing. Again you curse him for looking this good after being trapped in a Russian lab for 40 years.
Did they let him work out there? Was the lab the same place Ivan Drago trained before he faced Rocky? How is any of this fair?
Your cheeks warm and your heartbeat thuds loudly in your chest as you gaze at him, so you turn back to close the door behind you to clear your head.
"You also get me pretty excited when you take your shirt off Sweetheart." Ben smirks at you with a wink as he picks up the top half of his suit, sliding it on over his head, but his helmet is nowhere to be seen.
Guess he wasn't trying to hide anymore.
You stand there for a minute watching him. "Are you sure about Butcher?"
"What about him?"
"I don't know. I don't understand why he's helping you with all of this-"
Ben goes silent and he turns towards his toolbelt, gun, and knife on your bed.
"What did you promise him?" You take a step towards Ben, to catch his eye.
He doesn't answer immediately, instead he buckles his toolbelt around his waist. "He wants me to go after Homelander. He said that he would help me find what's left of our old team if I do."
"Homelander?" You sputter. "You're kidding right?"
"What? He looks like a pussy-"
You could see some of the macho version of Soldier Boy beginning to unfold from the man who stood in front of you and you didn't like it. It wasn't that you hated the protective side of Ben, the side that always made you feel safe, it was the other side, the side that beat others into submission after they had surrendered that you didn't like.
"Do you even know anything about him?"
Honestly you didn't know too much about Homelander either, just that he was Vought's new golden boy and seemed incredibly shallow, not to mention each time you saw an interview or a picture it unnerved you.
Homelander's eyes were cold, lifeless, and empty. Each time he smiled you could see a glimmer of something dark behind them.  You had seen it before, seen it in the eyes of supes like Liberty who believed that nothing could stop them, supes who believed that they were gods and everyone else was below them.
"Doesn't matter. Butcher thinks that whatever the fuck is in my chest will wipe him out."
"And you believe him?"
"Maybe-"
"Ben."
"What? You don't think I'm strong enough to take him?" His entire body turns back to look at you, something dark lurking behind his eyes that reminds you of the day you stood between him and Noir.
"That's not what I said. It's not about being strong enough to kill Homelander, it's about you trusting Butcher. You don't know anything about him and he's using you to live out his fantasy of killing Homelander. Legend told me that Butcher has this thing about killing supes and he has a bone to pick with Homelander because he did something to Butcher's wife."
"So?"
You shake your head in frustration, trying to get Ben to understand what you were saying. "Ben please, listen to me. I don't care about Homelander, I don't care about Butcher, I care about you-"
Going after Homelander was crazy. The one thing you knew about him, was how Vought continued to stress how indestructible he was, the exact same thing they had said about Ben and you. But leaving Ben with Butcher was crazier. Butcher didn't give a damn about Ben, he was just using him to do the one thing that he couldn't do himself.
"I know that." Ben sighs. "I care about you too."
"And I don't think it's a good idea for you to be doing everything he says-"
"I'm not doing everything he says. We have a deal. And if this is about you being upset with me going after our team, you can't talk me out of it."
“No Ben-“
“Fuck whatever Butcher says about Homelander. I have to do this.” Ben's jaw tightens, eyes flashing with anger as he remembers what happened in Nicaragua.
“Ben-“
“You weren’t there when it happened. You don't understand what they did to me, what it was like to be in that fucking lab! And I’m not going to let those incestuous fucks get away with it.” His teeth grind down together. "I'm not going to let any of them get away with it."
The air in your bedroom begins to get unnaturally warm, a orangish tinge beginning to peak through Ben's suit as his new power begins to manifest.
“Ben!” You shout, stepping towards him and laying your hands against his chest to snap him out of it. Your hands burn as they press against his suit, but you don’t let go of him.
He blinks a few times, gaining control, the brightness fading as he does so, but you don't drop your hands from over his heart.
“What?”
“I know.” You say gently.
“Huh?”
“I know you have to do this and I’m not going to try and stop you from going after our team. They deserve to pay for it. I was going to say that I’m going with you.”
“No.” His answer is immediate.
“What?”
“No.”
“What happened to not wanting to leave me?”
“I don’t want to leave you. But I have to, just for a few hours. I’ll come back I promise-“ Ben's hand falls on your waist, right where your shirt meets the top of your sweatpants, allowing you to feel the warmth of his skin through the fabric.
“No. The last time I let you go alone Countess told me you died and then you got taken away to Russia. I'm not letting you go alone."
The fear of him getting taken all over again squeezes your heart in your chest, because yes, maybe Butcher wanted Ben to go after Homelander, but what would Butcher do when Ben finished the job? Would he send him back to Russia? You weren't going to sit around and find out, you were going to make sure no one did that to Ben ever again. And if that meant him not leaving your sight, you were okay with that.
Ben continues to frown at you, before an odd look crosses his face. "Did you kill her?"
"Yes." You chew the inside of your cheek. "I didn't mean to, she said a few things and she killed me-"
“She killed you?” Ben growls and he begins to lift the bottom of your shirt to find the scar forgetting himself, but you drop your hand over his to stop him.
“It doesn’t matter. She’s dead now.”
She might be dead, but what she said rings in your ears and the proud smile Countess had flashes through your mind. The triumphant look on her face after she told you why she had sex with Ben. The same look that was on her face, before you ripped her head off.
"What did she say?" Ben asks, but then he realizes after the question passes through his lips, noting your expression and remembering what you yelled at him yesterday. "Sweetheart-“
"It's okay-" You shake your head to dissipate the memory of Countess.
“No it isn’t.” Ben's hand cups your face. “What she said wasn’t true. That night meant everything to me. It wasn’t a mistake and it wasn’t disappointing in any way. Believe me.” His thumb brushes against your cheek and you lean into his touch.
“I do. I shouldn't have let what she said get to me and I shouldn’t have believed her. I can't remember the last time I lost control. I hadn't used my powers in a while-"
"Which is why you shouldn’t come."
“I don’t want you to get taken or hurt." Your hand comes up to hold his hand against your cheek.
Ben rolls his eyes at you, cracking a smile. "I won't get hurt."
"It doesn't matter what you say. I'm going."
His smile drops. “No.”
You really couldn't figure out why Ben was doing this. You both had powers and you trained together. You had been on "missions" for Vought before, and before everything happened, you were going to be in Nicaragua with him. So why was this any different?
“Why not?  I’m just as strong as you. I’m just as indestructible-“
Ben pulls his hand from your face. “But you’re not indestructible! You die."
"I come back-"
"Have you thought that maybe I don't want you to come because I hate watching you die?" He snaps angrily.
"What?"
"Do you have any idea what that’s like for me?" He shouts eyes blazing through the soft light in the bedroom. “Hearing your heartbeat stop, watching you take your last breath, knowing that there’s absolutely nothing I can do?”
Whatever thoughts or words you were going to say shrivel up on the tip of your tongue. You'd never thought about it like that before. You'd thought that your ability to come back to life after would have reassured him.
He knows what my powers are. He knows what I can do-
"I hate feeling fucking helpless and every time you get hurt I’m reminded that I can’t help you! That I’m not strong enough to protect you!” He sits down on your bed, hands clenching into fists where they rest on his thighs.
"Ben-"
“When you came with me I promised that I would be strong for both of us, that I would always protect you and every time you die it just makes me feel like I’ve failed!” His gaze is leveled at you feet.
You inhale sharply with his confession. It was what he promised you the night he told you to say no to Howard, the night that you thought he was asking you in his own way to marry him. You could remember the promise, remember the way he held you close to him, eyes wide and vulnerable when he spoke it to you. That night anything had seemed possible. And despite everything that happened with Countess, Ben had never broken that promise to you. He had protected you, he had been strong for you when you needed him to be.
You remember the night of your brother's funeral when he drove all night to be there for you, and how he continued to show up in your life when you were having a hard time as if he seemed to know when you needed him the most.
"Ben-” You try again, this time a little softer.
"Do you have any idea what it’s like to exist in those thirteen fucking seconds wondering if you’re going to come back or not? If that’s the last time I’ll ever see you smile? If you’ll ever open your eyes and look at me ever again?" This time he raises his green eyes to yours and you see a lifetime of emotion reflected in them. It's the same look he had when you woke up after you took a bullet for him and died for the first time. He had yelled at you for it, told you never to do it again, shouted that he could take care of himself and he didn't need you to protect him.
And you suddenly understand, you understand why Ben knew it was thirteen seconds, why he was the first one to ever tell you that it was thirteen seconds. Because each time he counted hoping that you would come back to him.
He doesn’t say anything just continues to sit on the end of the bed, dropping his eyes to the floor again, and wringing his hands together.
You sit down next to him, the bed dipping beneath you, and reach for his hands, but Ben has other plans. He grabs your waist and pulls you up into his lap so you're straddling his thighs. You don't have time to be shocked, because Ben presses his face into your neck and brings both of his arms around your torso to hold you to him. Deep down you know that this is the opposite of taking it slow, but you can't bring yourself to push him away. Because again he was showing the vulnerable side of himself that made you want to comfort him, the side of him that he hid from you for so long.
"You’ve seen me die before.” You breathe, running your hand up and down his back in a soothing motion.
“Doesn’t mean it gets any easier.” He mumbles and you feel his lips brush against the half moon shaped scar over your heart, a reminder of the bullet you took for him all those years ago.“I thought I lost you that day.” Ben mutters into your shirt. “I don’t know what I would have done if I had-“
“You didn’t.”
“But I could have. “I hated that you did it. That you were willing to die for me. You’re worth so much more than I am-"
“The fact that you think that means the opposite.” You run your fingers through his hair, feeling his arms tighten around your hips. “Your father may have made you believe that, but I don't. You’re not a failure Ben. And you could never disappoint me.”
“I already did.”
“Hey we’re moving past that. And I’m sure that I’ve disappointed you plenty.”
“Never.”
“I find that hard to believe.” You snort, and for a moment, you think Ben is going to look up at you and smile, but his face stays buried against your chest.
“Hmm.”
You wait for a moment, stroking your fingers through his hair. “How do you think I felt when they told me you were gone? That I’d never see you again?"
“You were angry at me-“
“That doesn’t mean I wasn’t devastated when they told me you died. I thought that the last thing I’d ever said to you was that you were like your dad and that I regretted having you in my life.”
That was something that you had to live with over the past forty years, because even though what Ben did hurt you, you hated that the last time you saw him was like that. You hated the thought that Ben died believing that you didn't care about him.
Maybe in some ways he did die believing that. All those years at that lab weren't easy for him.
 “I-“
“I swear if you say ‘I deserved it’  again I will kill you.” You say pulling his face up to yours and frowning at him.
“I won’t.”
"Good. Now are you done coming up with ridiculous reasons why I can't come with you to see our old friends? Because I'm genuinely curious to know if they're still pretending that they're not fucking."
Ben cracks a smile. "Yes. But only if you promise me that you'll stay behind me."
"Can't." You start to get off of him, but Ben tightens his grip preventing you from leaving.
"Why not?"
"Because I've never broken a promise to you and I'm not going to start now."
"I just don't want you to get hurt." Ben sighs.
"I know. And I don't want to lose you again." You press your forehead against his, threading your fingertips in his dark hair.
You weren't sure what it would do to you if you did lose him, if he walked out of your life or if he went by himself to face your old teammates and vanished. You had been destroyed when everything fell apart the first time, and you knew this time would be worse if it happened. You could feel it in every fiber of your being, just like somewhere deep down you could feel that what was happening now between him and you was different somehow, that it had changed, but not in a bad way.
"I don't want to lose you either Sweetheart. I love you."
"I love you too."
And when Butcher beats his fist against your bedroom door a few minutes later, you're still in his arms, allowing him to hold you close and allowing yourself to begin to trust him again.
Tumblr media
A/N: Sorry it took me a long time to get this one out! I had a hard time writing this chapter, and honestly it's still not my favorite, but big things are coming!!!
Thank you so much for reading!! If you'd like to be added to my taglist please let me know :)
Taglist: @roseblue373 @anundyingfidelity @cheynovak @cassiecasluciluce @muhahaha303
@deans-spinster-witch @kayleighmeister @demodemo909 @fruitfacess @bobbobbobinogs
@bughill126 @simplyfixated @sleepjam @tiredstrangerr @freefallthoughts
@onlyangel-444 @lov3vivian @mxltifxnd0m @mayafatimakhan @marvel-mistress
@my-obsession-spn @lifeonawhim @soldirboy @liuope @brynanna
@carpenterswife @xxannyxx @babyinatrench-coat1 @the-gentle-spirit
@valryomen @cassieriddle713 @shaggzthatsnottheworm @lil-soup @ej13928
@topstory21 @boywivlove @mrsjenniferwinchester @vivre-dans-la-nuit @megara0224
@daisy-the-quake
388 notes · View notes
bucksboobs · 9 months ago
Text
On their way to a fire, Buck opens his big mouth and says something very stupid. Not an unusual occurrence but this one is unique: “Hey, Hen? Can I ask you a gay people question?”
Hen side-eyes him. “Are you sure now’s the best time?” The engine shakes on its suspension.
Buck blusters forward. “So Tommy and I have been dating a month and a half now.” The mention of Tommy grabs both Chim and Eddie’s attention.
“Wait, really?” Chim asks, Hen’s not sure if he thought it was shorter or longer than that. His memory of time seems to be the worst hit by the encephalitis.
“2 months next Thursday.” Eddie says.
“Y-yeah… that’s right.” Buck raises his eyebrows at Eddie. The rest all stare, Hen included. Those two have always been locked at the hip but knowing each other’s anniversaries seems excessive. Buck seems to agree.
“How do you know that?” She asks.
“Their first date was the same day I asked Marisol to move in with me.”
“When did Marisol move in with you?” Hen and Chimney ask in unison. Last she heard about Marisol she had only just met Chris, moving in seemed a long way off for them. Since when was she living with him?
“She didn’t” Bobby answers, giving his sternest glare to the rear view mirror. Hen knows this means she’s in charge of keeping these fools in check so he can focus on driving.
“Yeah we decided against that. Anyway Buck you were talking about Tommy?” Hen stifles a laugh. There was a story there she was going to have to wring out of Bobby because Eddie’s deflection abilities are legendary.
“Yeah so- um- ho-how long before we can uh…”Hen cocks her head. What exactly is Buck after with Tommy right now, they’re not nearly to the point of I love yous and she doesn’t think Buck would be this nervous about dating advice. “I mean how long did you and Karen wait until you, uh” Oh.
“Had sex?” Hen asks bluntly.
“Whoa, you and Tommy haven’t had sex yet?” Chimney asks, astonished.
“Buck when’s the last time you waited this long with anyone?” Eddie asks with a cocked eyebrow.
“Never? Maybe high school?” That tracks.
“Or Abby.” Chim offers. Buck winces at that. She knows that woman did him dirty, looks like the scar still aches.
“Six minutes to ETA.” Comes from the drivers seat. “5 and a half…” Bobby takes a sharp turn that shakes the whole truck. “5 minutes.”
“So how do I ask him to fuck me.”
A chorus of “BUCK!” rings through the truck. Eddie looks petrified at the idea of his best friends having sex with each other, Chim looks exhausted with his brother-in-law of barely a month and look, Hen would give the world to see this kid happy but sometimes he’s just too stupid for his own good.
“Buck. I think you need to remember Tommy doesn’t have a lot of experience in this area either.”
“He doesn’t?”
“Did you forget he’s only been out as long as you’ve been at the 118?” Hen learned that about Tommy from Buck’s gushing the day after the wedding. She’d also talked to him in a fluorescent lit waiting room after the most gorgeous hospital ceremony she’s ever been a part of, so she’s aware that he’s not used to being with men that want more than just sex from him. “He might think you’re just as nervous as he is.”
“I didn’t know he got nervous.”
Chim huffs at that. “Next time you see him ask him to tell you a story about a rooster.” That makes Hen smile.
“He probably won’t believe you’re ready until you can talk to him about it.”
“I don’t— I-it usually just kind of happens. You get a look, there’s a nod, they look at your lips and lean in…”
“Yeah but that was women who knew what they wanted and what you wanted. Tommy won’t know unless you tell him what you’re ready for.”
“So to get him to fuck me I have to tell him to fuck me?”
“Jesus, Buck. Yes.” Hen laughs. They are, thankfully, finally pulling to site so she doesn’t have to enumerate exactly how he needs to ask. If she did she’d have to explain birds and bees that she is not the best person to explain.
“Come on, kids, let’s save some lives.” Bobby calls as he pulls the parking break.
The fire looks pretty bad, two story house, they’ll have to split up by floor. As they gear up Buck says, privately, off-mic. “Thanks Hen, you’re a good Gay Yoda”
“Do him or do not, there is no try.”
498 notes · View notes
jennifer-jeong · 11 months ago
Text
Fluff | Genshin x GN!Reader What Made Them Fall For You?
Xiao, Wanderer/Scaramouche, Diluc
Tumblr media
SUMMARY Headcanons on what makes the genshin pookies fall for you <3
CONTENT Fluff, gender neutral reader, men falling for reader, reader is not traveler but is friends with them, mentions of character's trauma, CHARACTERS ARE 18+
AUTHOUR NOTES I hope to eventually write about all the men >:) it will probably take a while to get to it but I’ll try to keep each one short to encourage myself to finish them all hehe.
Tumblr media
XIAO
I think Xiao would start to fall for you because you see through his tough, mean guy act. You can tell that even though his words are harsh and he’s telling you to leave him alone, he’s just protecting you. You might not see it at first, but as you understand his condition, his karmic debt, you understand him. Your realization makes you feel warm knowing that Xiao is really just an innocent soul who wanted to keep you safe. He wants so badly to never hurt anyone ever again and “repent” in solitude even though he has nothing to really repent for; he was forced to kill by his previous master and his karmic debt only comes from killing the remnants of old gods and absorbing their debt.
You start to hang around him more as a result and, much to Xiao’s dismay, he doesn’t hate it. In fact, he actually enjoys how you reignite the warmth in him, the warmth he hasn’t felt in so long since his fellow Yaksha have passed. But did he want to let you in? Shouldn’t he push you away? He’s been alone for so long, why change that now? He felt like he didn’t deserve to enjoy company again, that he didn’t deserve you and your kindness. But maybe just this time… just once, would he allow it.
WANDERER
I think Wanderer would start to fall for you because you make him feel human emotions like he’s never felt before. He’s always searched for a “heart” in the form of a gnosis, thinking it would make him human and make him feel loved and wanted. But even when he had it, it didn’t feel right. Even now, with his anemo vision, he feels more, but still not what he wants. But with you, it feels perfect. Others would probably describe what he feels as something like “butterflies in my stomach” but since he probably doesn’t really experience physical things like that, being a magical puppet and all, he thinks about how you make his vision glow. When he feels a surge of emotions, it feels like he’s using his vision. It feels powerful, happy, strong, and warm, like how a light breeze feels on a sunny afternoon.
You know about his past, what he did, and how the world wronged him. He’s been so traumatized and can barely comprehend his emotions. So when you reach out to him after he regains his memory and a new anemo vision, you try to help him through his emotions in the gentle way that you do. You’re so soft with him and it makes his vision heart ache. He believes he doesn’t deserve you but you try your best to show him otherwise. As you two get closer, you never really notice, but the wind always picks up just a little bit when he sees you.
DILUC
I think Diluc would start to fall for you because you don’t just see him as “the young and rich son of the Ragnvindr family estate.” You see him for him: Diluc. You see a beautiful soul with a broken heart that has put up walls that he intends to never break down again. Others might think that Diluc is just cold, but you and the others close to him know that no matter how cold he may seem, the pure fire that burns inside him always spreads its warmth to those around him. He’s believed for a while now that barely anyone can see what he’s hiding underneath, that people want him for his money, his property, his material things. But you prove him wrong time and time again. You sweetly say hi to him every time you see him not because you want to put on a facade to get on his good side. You don’t help him break up a fight at the tavern and clean up after because you want a monetary reward. You don’t bake him an adorable strawberry cake for his birthday because you want something back. No, you do it because you care, because you have so much love to give, and Diluc feels so lucky to be a part of your life.
He feels his feelings grow for you as time goes on. He feels you getting closer and he barely hesitates to let you in. You didn’t break down his walls, you politely made a door for yourself to enter and it makes you both laugh to think about it that way. He stays reserved around most others but always holds the door open for you, physically and metaphorically.
Tumblr media
|| MASTERLIST ♡ || Thank you for reading! ||
797 notes · View notes
oceaneyesinla · 7 months ago
Note
ROXY!!! hmmmmmm if you feel so inclined: platonic wound dressing after a mission with giyu? i love your giyu btw that's my guy 💜
Fallon how did you know I was desperate to write for Giyuu again?! Also, thank you I'm crying - I always worry I'm not doing his character justice!
Requests OPEN
Tending to Giyuu's Wounds
Platonic Giyuu & Reader
Divider by @/cafekitsune
Tumblr media
You couldn’t help but sigh at the sight of Giyuu at your door, his usual blank expression on his face even as he dripped blood all over your engawa. Your eyes followed it back to the source - a thick gash in his forearm, straight through both his uniform jacket and the undershirt. The edges were jagged, and you were already mentally planning how best to repair the wound as you ushered him inside. You were relieved to see his haori was undamaged, draped over his uninjured arm. The garment was worth more to him than any treasure in the world.
He murmured a soft thanks as he passed you, settling himself into an all too familiar position on the floor, cross-legged and watching you move around your home. His sword was placed off to his right, and he handed you his haori without question, gratitude in his eyes when you handled it with care, following the familiar steps to fold the fabric and placing it on the little table you kept in the main room.
“Didn't I tell you to be more careful?” Your admonishment was not nearly as harsh as it could have been - more a gentle rebuke than true anger. Still, a little frown made its way onto his face and you tried to soothe it by running a hand over his hair as you passed to the cupboard where your supplies were kept.
“The demon was attacking a new Slayer. I was more focused on them than myself.” Of course he was. Giyuu was aloof and reserved, but you were lucky enough to know better than the front he showed the world. 
He told you a little more about his latest mission as you neatly stitched the wound on his arm, and you had to hold back another sigh when he told you just where he was instructed to go. You knew full well that he was closer to the Butterfly Mansion than to your home, and there was at least one Wisteria House between his mission site and here.
You didn't ask why, though. You had, once before, when he had decided to come to you rather than his fellow Hashira or the Wisteria House where they could summon a doctor rather than a simple village healer. He had just looked up at you and explained with a single sentence, “You're nice to me.”
Your heart clenched at the memory - Giyuu had a way of saying such meaningful things without ever realising the gravity of his words. You knew his trust was hard won, and that statement had just steeled your resolve to watch over him. To be a friend, to be someone he could always turn to - even when he was injured and even when he was not.
He didn't move a muscle as you worked and he didn't complain, leaving you to hope that the pain medicine you gave him was working. Yes, he was strong, and his pain tolerance was better than any you had come across before, but that didn't mean he should be in pain. If you had your way, he would never know pain again. Unfortunately, you were no god, nor could you erase the demons that terrorised this land. So, instead, you would dose him with painkillers and tend to his injuries and try as hard as you could to heal the wounds in his heart, too - the ones you knew ran deeper than any physical scar he attained in his duties.
Once you finished your stitching - which probably took longer than needed, but he deserved your best efforts - you cleaned the wound again. The last thing he needed was an infection. Bandages finished your care, and you patted his hand when you were done, rising to your feet to begin the process of tidying away your bloodied rags and medical supplies.
Giyuu tried to get up and help you, but you fixed him in place with a glare, “Stay put, Giyuu. Are you hurt anywhere else?”
A shake of his head reassured you, and you gave him a soft smile as your hand found the crown of his head once again. He relaxed under your touch and you saw a flash of emotion cross his eyes before he looked away, playing with the torn fabric of his now damaged jacket. What he saw when he looked at you, you weren’t sure, but you hoped it brought him some small comfort. 
“Come on, Giyuu.” You didn’t look back as you headed towards the kitchen, knowing that he would be trailing behind you, probably with that adorable confused frown on his face, “I’m assuming you haven’t eaten? You need to take care of yourself.”
“You sound like Granny Hinata.” Giyuu was pointedly avoiding your eyes when you turned to playfully glare at him, but the little smirk on his face gave him away. It wasn’t often Giyuu allowed himself the luxury of levity, and you let yourself bask in the light of his averted gaze, warm with hidden laughter.
You rolled your eyes, “Forgive me for caring.” You dumped the rags in his hands and pointed him towards the back room, “Go put these to soak. I’ll make a start on cooking.”
He did as you asked without complaint, and you began pulling out the ingredients of Giyuu’s favourite meal. With him coming around more often, whether to seek out your medical skills or just to check in, you kept the makings of this meal on hand.
A few minutes later, you heard the lightest of footsteps, signalling Giyuu’s return. You expected him to appear at your side, quietly offering to help so when he didn’t, you turned to face him. The expression he wore … he looked far younger than his twenty years in that moment, and it wasn’t at all hard for you to imagine a little boy, with ocean blue eyes and a smile brighter than the summer sun. You knew some small details of his life - there was once a beloved sister, and a treasured friend; both lost to the demons he now devoted his life to destroying. You wondered if you would ever get to witness that little boy with your own eyes, or if he was lost forever.
Then Giyuu smiled, and while it wasn’t that sunshine smile you saw in your mind’s eye, it was beautiful nevertheless; like moonlight on the water, lighting up the dark. Your lips crept up into a smile of your own, and you both fell into a comfortable silence as you worked. When you watched him devour his daikon like he hadn’t eaten in a week, rice stuck to his cheek and a smile on his face, you couldn’t help the warmth spreading through you. Never mind what others thought - this boy was worth the effort of understanding, at least to you.
******************
Giyuu stayed at your house that night. You refused to let him leave - forcing some spare clothes into his hands and laying out an extra futon for him. Someone had to care for him, and you were happy to step into the role for as long as he would allow. 
A few days after his departure, you woke to the sound of tapping on your door. When you opened it, you had to smile - it was Kanzaburo, Giyuu’s Kasugai crow. It was sweet, the way Giyuu insisted on keeping the bird by his side, even as he grew increasingly confused and unreliable. The crow hopped up to your feet, bumping his head into your ankle before holding out his leg for you to remove the little package attached there.
You untied the neat little knot, rubbing a finger over Kanzaburo’s head as you did so. You were growing fond of him, just like you had grown fond of his Hashira. The crow didn’t linger long, flying away after another affectionate head bop, this time to your hand.
There was a note attached, and when you unfolded the paper, you found one simple phrase, ‘Thank you’
So simple, yet you understood exactly what he wanted to say. It became even more apparent when you opened the little bundle to find a ribbon in pretty shimmering fabric, just like the ones you always used to tie your hair back, and a little wooden carving of a fox. The stitching on the ribbon was slightly messy and crooked, while the carving was a little rough around the edges.
Cradling the precious treasures in your hands, you knew you would cherish them forever. To earn the trust of a boy like Tomioka Giyuu was not a gift to be taken for granted. You headed inside, already deciding just where your new fox friend would live, and already looking forward to Giyuu’s next visit.
211 notes · View notes
uglypastels · 5 months ago
Note
I need, FOR THE LIFE OF MEEE, a part two of your scott's sister!reader fic its SO good, maybe they go on a double date to try and make things less awkward?? I just know logan would rather have his teeth pulled out but anything for his best girl right?
-part 1---masterlist---requests-
warnings: cringe, mention of alcohol, mention of sexual activities. swearing.
I was unsure about writing this at first because, in all honesty, I wouldn't think you'd want to go on the double date either, I mean...
It was so awkward. The four of you- You and Logan, Scott and Jean- sitting opposite each other across a restaurant table, focusing more on the food rather than the conversation.
Usually, in these kinds of moments, you had Logan's handy nature to depend on, to make things a bit more interesting, but he kept both his hands above the table in the presence of your older brother, and with a psychic like Jean in your midst, not even sneaky signals were a possibility to spice up your evening.
'So, uhm-' Scott cleared his throat, 'how long have you two...' been fucking around? was probably what he wanted to say, but rather than making things even weirder, he simply left the question unfinished, open to your interpretation.
You knew he meant well. He always did. He was the best big brother you could have ever asked for, but god sometimes he just took it too far.
When he caught you in that broom closet, he could have just left it at that. Maybe yell at you for the inappropriate behaviour, fair enough. Let it soak in a bit, and give it a few days until the embarrassment of the situation finally wore off and you could look each other in the eyes again. But instead, far from it settling, he had suggested a double date.
And maybe you could have tried to say no to the idea, but from a very young age, you had learned that that was never really an option with Scott. Besides, as the night went on, you had gotten an inkling that this might have very well been your punishment. To endure this night.
'Uhm...' you thought for a moment about his question, not daring to look Logan in the eye. Even without mindreading powers, you could tell what he was thinking about- and prayed that Jean had the decency to leave those thoughts alone.
After all, you could hardly admit that it had all started with a drunken mistake of a hook-up on a rather random Friday, or was it Thursday? Monday maybe?
It had been such a blur that you couldn't even remember why you had been drinking, but all you knew was that the next morning, you woke up with a massive headache, naked in his bed. It took about ten minutes for both of you to come to the realisation of the events that had gone down and proceeded to curse your way back into your clothes while profusely admitting that it was a mistake and that it should never happen again.
Luckily, you never made a promise of it, as it would not have lasted long.
'It was Valentine's Day,' Logan grumbled out, nearly giving you whiplash from how fast you had turned to look his way as the memories cleared up with each of his words. 'With nothing else to do alone, we hung out and-'
'and things just clicked,' you rescued him, knowing that Logan was not very fond of opening up that way.
'Didn't expect you to be someone to celebrate Valentine's Day, Logan,' Scott smiled, the mockery spilling out a bit.
'I'll send you a card next year, if you'd like, bub.' Logan quipped before taking his beer up to his lips. You hid your giggle with a slight cough behind your hand. He looked over at you with a smirk pulling at the corner of his lips and in that moment, a harsh, yet funny, reality struck you.
Sitting in this little shabby restaurant opposite your big brother and his wife, this wasn't just a double date for you and Logan.
This was your first date.
Always seeking out moments to sneak out together into dark corners, you had never actually done anything that would be considered a proper "date". There were the hours you'd lay in bed, entangled in sheets, talking nonsense, stealing kisses and laughs, but besides that- and the other activities you were not trying to think about next to Jean- you had never done much else.
And looking at him at your side, sitting back in his chair, letting his hand finally fall down comfortably to find its spot on your thigh, you could certainly get used to this.
But hopefully, next time, it will be just the two of you.
the end.
Tumblr media
thank you for reading 💗
if you enjoyed the fic, please consider reblogging and leaving a comment. or send a message via my inbox. requests are also more than welcome. 💗
126 notes · View notes
minijenn · 3 days ago
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
That feel when you spend the past several days drawing for a forgotten niche AU you created years ago that you've just been having severe brainrot for lately and you have to get it out of your system somehow so you just... draw.
Anyway, Thorn in the Gut AU! Perhaps the most angsty little AU my brain ever did create back in the old UF days, I'm still quite fond of it. Its just chock full of drama, conflict, existential crisises, all that good stuff! And so, for those of you not in the know, here's a whole dump of info about it to go along with the art! (copied most of this from Discord so excuse any wierd formatting)
The basic gist of Thorn in the Gut spawns out of RMD (Rifts/Memories/Dimensions) and basically starts when Bill lands a practically fatal blow on Stepper (instead of cracking his Gem) and Steven, realizing both he and Dipper won't survive this, essentially "poofs" (lets his physical body disappear) and sacrifices his gem over to Dipper to keep him alive. Anyway, Dipper winds up back in Gravity Falls alone, much to the alarm and anger of the Crystal Gems especially when they realize Steven is basically dead (not them blaming a literal child who had no say in any of this). From there, the following ensues:
The Gems are A Wreck but they are still deeply attached to that gemstone (because of Steven and because of Rose) and they really don't know how to interact with Dipper now as a result; eventually, they force him to move up to the temple because he very quickly starts showing he has Steven's powers now but he can't control them because he is also A Wreck with survivor's guilt and grief over losing his boyfriend (did I mention this AU is Stedip? Well its Stedip) and his heavy emotions are making them wonky
They also watch him like a hawk because they think Steven could somehow return at any moment; they're also just like, hella impersonal with him; basically any sort of warmth or goodwill they had toward him has completely evaporated and they just view him as "the reason why steven is gone"
Garnet probably just... never talks to him like ever. Pearl is a sobbing wreck but is also surprisingly the most sympathetic towards Dipper out of the Gems (bc she knows about Rose and Bill's history to a certain extent and also knows thats at least in part why Bill attacked Stepper so viciously and why all this happened in the first place). Amethyst is just mad and probably prone to verbally lashing out at Dipper in frustration the most.
Stan and Ford are Fighting obvs bc Ford thinks Dipper staying with the Gems is for the best (also not Ford also kind of lowkey starting to negate his own nephew as a "fascinating breakthrough discovery" because of how scientifically impossible what's happened to him should be; Stan, meanwhile, is furious at how both Ford and the gems are acting, he's one of the few people still entirely in Dipper's coner, along with...
Mabel, who while mourning Steven herself wants to be there for her brother so badly but can't be because the Gems and Ford won't let her be, claiming that its for her own safety when really its just to keep her out of the way of a very delicate situation; even so, the twins still try to see each other as much as they can and comfort each other however possible (potential eventual fusion between the two?? maybe)
Connie is fucking mad, mad that Steven would sacrifice himself like this, mad that he'd sacrifice himself for Dipper, mad that Steven is gone and she can't do a damn thing about it. As a result, she distances herself from both the Pines and the Gems for a good long time to grieve on her own (but even after she comes back around, things remain hella tense between her and Dipper)
Other characters: Lapis is fuckin squicked the fuck out by what's happened here, because something something its comparable to permenant fusion, but even so she tries her best to support Dipper even though its difficult for her; Peridot is kind of lost in the shuffle of all this, like Mabel, so I feel like that's where she's lending most of her support; Pacifica? ehhh I mean this AU works under the assumption that Stedip is kind of the only currently canon MK ship so she probs wouldn't have much to do here 😛
Fucking forgot to talk about Dipper himself you know like he aint the damn focus character; so he's in Shambles, emotionally distraught for a number of reasons; his boyfriend is gone and he can only speak to him in his dreams (and those dreams are usually sweet… until one certain triangle starts showing up in them); amidst still reeling from losing Steven, the way the others are all treating him leads him into an existential crisis, because to the Gems, he's Steven, he's Rose, to Ford, he's an experiment, to Bill, he's an obstacle in the way of a prize, to the diamonds (if this continued on into UF2 which it could), he's Pink, and with all that in mind he truly starts to wonder if there's anything really left of Dipper at all
And the bad guys; Bill is furious, obvs. it doesn't take him long to start showing up during Steven and Dipper's little dream chats, causing all sorts of chaos and being just a general bastard all around; but he wants that gem, he has a deal with White to make good on after all, and he's determined to do whatever it takes to get it, even if he has to guilt trip Dipper into ripping it out of his stomach himself (which may or may not happen); as for the Diamonds I mean they'd probably just think this is "Pink" playing another one of their silly games, like they think about Steven so not a ton changes on that front? (even still, I summed up that this boy is in Danger in the span of time that would be UF2 in that one art)
Oh and of course, Steven's status. He is… aliveish? Of course, he doesn't have a physical body anymore, kind of gave that up entirely when he "poofed" bc he's half human. At first he's only able to communicate solely to Dipper through his dreams (and like Stan and Mabel, Steven is completely in Dipper's corner and is fucking mad as hell about how the Gems are acting towards him). And eventually, he makes that frustration known by using his possion powers to take control of Dipper (which Dipper allows, god who cares about past trauma, anything to make the Gems see reason) to tell the Gems off, but he isn't able to do that for very long or very frequently. I'd like to think Dipper can also sometimes "hear" Steven speaking to him through his thoughts when he's awake too. Basically, Steven is always with him ^_^
After getting steven's gem, Dipper maintains Stepper's hair color and skin hue :3 and he also starts wearing Steven's shirts bc fuckin gay grief compells him to wear his BF's clothes and then the Gems, fucking freaks that they are are like "nah you should keep wearing them" even when he doesn't want to anymore. Oh! and another thing, Dipper doesn't see himself when he sees his reflection in the mirror, he sees Stepper (represented in the art).
Since Dipper has to stay in Gravity Falls (because how the hell is he able to leave with all of these newfound manifesting magical powers), Mabel ends up going back home alone with a spare memory gun Ford gives her in tow. She remorsefully uses it to erase Aaron and Allison's memories of Dipper so they won't ask questions she isn't able to give answers to :3 Also, Dipper is unaware that this happens until some point in UF2 when Mabel breaks down and tells him. Suffice to say it basically ruins whatever is left of his relationship with Ford (not that it was good at that point anyway because well, Ford is basically using him as a lab rat)
Basically, without Steven around, most of the cast is just... fucking not acting right bc steven was basically their moral compass so they figure why even try anymore without him around (the gems and hell even dipper included, he makes some pretty questionable decisions in this AU himself)
Just, its all about identity, really, about how the way others around you treat you can impact how you view yourself for better or worse (in this case, worse); it's about loss of agency and how grief can drive people to act in some... pretty terrible ways.
Anyway yeah that's a Lot but its my current obsession in the In Between time of S1 and S2 and I figured I need to chase my bliss (bc how else will I cope with The Horrors if I don't put my favorite blorbos through Horrors of their own. Expect something to be written from this AU... eventually idk man probs not anytime in the immediate future tho lol it's just a silly fun little side thing. Anyway enjoy the Pain! ^_^
51 notes · View notes
goldsbitch · 6 months ago
Note
Hi🥹 cam I just say that I love your writing?
Would you be able to write something with Lando or oscar (his sister) of him/ them surprising her for her birthday? Possibly she likes christmas a lot so a christmas in July with lots of christmas deco.
It's my birthday soon and I don't really have anybody to celebrate with which is fine but I still wanted to ask
Xx
this is by far one of the sweetest asks I've ever read - sorry for taking such a long time! i got sick and the mind was just too cloudy
i do hope you'll like this. i've finished it just after the race, so it's not as fluffy as i intended this to be. hopefully we'll recover from that soon
anyway - happy birthday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Christmas in July
2 days before Hungarian Grand Prix 2024 and Y/N birthday
"What brings her joy?" Lando asked as if he spoke of some impossible philosophical dilema. The only thing missing was a big white board for him to stare at. It was sometimes hard to decipher when he was joking and when he was being serious. But Oscar knew one thing - this guy would rather gather up a crowd before sorting out something on his own. He had currently set up a "war council" as he called it not-so-dramatically in order to figure a way how to approach the his sister's birthday. Among others present was his teammate.
Oscar had a dilema of his own, sitting there on a chair with few other people present on this strange meeting Lando held in his hotel room. While his teammate was trying to figure out how to cheer up his sister, who was suppose to be spending her birthday with her best friend in Budapest during their Grand Prix, Oscar was trying his best not to raise any suspicion. Nobody here knew it was nearly impossible to count the nights he had spend secretly texting with Lando's sister. It was innocent. Just two friends wishing each other good night every other day. Definitely not crossing the line at all.
Lando did not share details as to why he was suddenly putting himself in charge or his sister's birthday with the group. She had a whole thing planned with her best friend for Hungarian summer race weekend. Not even Lando had that many details about their falling out as Oscar had.
In a way, he was glad that Lando took this initiative and he could hide behind him, making sure her brother did not cross the line or got too carried away. And ensure that Y/N had the birthday she deserved. A girl probably too sweet for their world anyway. Once again, Oscar had to stop himself before he lost his thoughts completely. She was just a friend. His teammate's sister. Nothing more.
Ugh.
//
Sun kissed people smiling in streets older than time itself. Ancient glory still piercing through the cobblestones and some kind of magic the locals put to the water here, making it all dreamy and mystic.
Yeah, that's all great and amazing - unless you're there alone, bored and mad at everyone. Even the bloody sun was too much these days. And coffee too bitter this time.
Y/N was people-watching, while she enjoyed her scenery coffee alone. Every group of friends walking by and enjoying their summer felt like a personal attack. Somehow, every happy couple in the surrounding area must have decided to take a stroll around the city and her ever-so-single self had to watch it all happen.
Having a fight with a bestie is hard on its own, it's absolutely amazing when it happens around ones birthday. Right now, there were suppose be having a blast in a local spa and preferably talk about the latest boy they'd flirted with the night before. But no.
The dread of having a fallout with a friend is often worse than a break up.
There was only one person she truly wished to text at that moment, but their texting has been getting out of hand for the past days. She tried to avoid wallowing in the memories of her blushing at her phone last night. She was just a friend to Oscar, nothing more. It was impossible - he was her brother's teammate! A very sweet, funny and irresistable teammate. She imposed a self-ban on her, no texting Oscar during the day. At least today.
//
"What if I... hire a horse and have her ride on it to the paddock!" Lando said, desperation dripping from his mouth.
Oscar chuckled, this was way too much fun to watch. Lando shot him an intimidating look, making the poor guy worried for a moment. He can't possibly know, right? Oscar gulped, swallowing his next chuckle.
"Something funny, Osc?"
"No, certainly not." Never once has Oscar felt more like a school boy that right there. "Although, I would question if this is something she would truly enjoy. I imagine she is a little shy for that."
He did not need to imagine anything - he could practically see her horrified texts incoming. It has been few hours since she's responded. It was getting harder for Oscar to keep lying to himself a pretending it did not bother him.
"Yeah, you're probably right," Lando replied after a moment o thought. "Fuckin' hell. I can't just buy her a necklace. That's so lame."
Oscar agreed. Unless it was a personal one.
"I'd say you should keep it private and sweet."
Lando was getting slightly annoyed, as no clear idea seemed to come up. "No, Oscar, it needs to be an absolute bomb. Gotta cheer her up somehow."
The Australian man could not argue with that. "True. Come on, what does she like?"
"I dunno, it's hard. And like, we don't have much time. to organize," Lando sighed. He should have prepped this sooner.
Unlike Lando, Oscar had a very clear idea of which direction to go to. He just couldn't be blunt about it. "When have you seen her happiest?"
Lando frowned, his eyebrows dancing in deep thoughts. "I dunno, when she brings home a new guy?"
Oscar's stomach did a u-turn at the idea of Y/N bringing guys home. More specifically, guys that were not him. "No, I meant like - time of the year of something like that."
Silence fell over the room. "I dunno, on her birthday, maybe?! What the fuck is your point?" Lando asked bluntly. Oscar bit his lip, this was going to be painful. It was simple, obvious, hell anyone who knew her at least a bit would know the one thing she absolutely loves was Christmas - and why not have Christmas now? Get a little tree, pump it up and make it all a big jolly fun.
"Yes, but like, time of the year - what does she like the most?" Oscar tried once again.
Lando was getting impatient. "Are you hinting on anything specific or just shooting in the dark?" It sounded more like a threat than a question. Oscar had no choice but to back down, worried he might have to reveal things he wished to be private at the moment. His massive crush on Lando's sister being the main thing he had to hide.
"Nope, just trying to give you pointers..." he said and sunk deeper in his chair. For a good chunk of the next 20 minutes he had to listen to the "war council" coming up with mediocre ideas like booking up a private spa in the city centre.
//
1 day before Hungarian Grand Prix 2024 and Y/N birthday
Lando woke up with a vision, a genius idea and a ground breaking concept - Christmas in July! Scratched all his other plans and had his team working on the ever-so-easy task of getting a Christmas tree in the middle of summer, on a weekend of all days. Many curse words were uttered in secrecy by his assistants.
Nevermind the three Christmas themed TikToks Oscar sent him, trying to steer his subconsciousness.
Lando created a massive group chat, instructing everyone not to acknowledge Y/N birthday the following day and to wait for the celebration after the race. Everyone was invited. Including Oscar, who was skeptical about leaving Y/N guessing the whole day. But, it was Lando's call. So he obeyed.
//
Hungarian Grand Prix 2024 and Y/N birthday
There was a strange energy in the air the whole day. Y/N had a very little contact with her brother, as he was fully deep in prep for his race. Oscar was also completely MIA. It was all terribly, terribly lonely. She shouldn't have come here. Her secret hopes of getting some alone time with Oscar totally clashed with the fact he was busier than usual. Birthday was no big deal anyway, right? Phone calls she received from her family were precious and were enough - at least this is what she tried to convince herself with when she sipped another lonely coffee. The buzz and excited people around the paddock not helping her. Nobody seemed to care. She would have thought that Oscar would. But no.
//
It was supposed to be a joyous celebration. But after the very questionable race they'd all just gone through, it was all but that. Lando really tried to push his real emotions back and be there to celebrate his sister. But it was just not working at all. Part of his wished he had done this thing the evening before. He was exhausted, pissed, sad and just wanted to go home. And she could see right through him.
When she got picked up by a driver and taken to a location unknown to her, she knew what was up. But, the decorations surprised her - someone really went all out. Christmas lights and decorations covered the whole room and big banquet with enough food to last them to the next December. It was a dream come true. But sometimes, it just takes few people to make an evening special. And the one she really wished to attend wasn't there.
Happy birthday! I hope your party is all you could have wished for. I was looking forward to be there with all of you, but I think my presence would taint it today. Hope you have a blast and have a wonderful year ahead of you!
The text lingered, as she toasted with another random person. As if it burned on her phone and through her pocket.
Thank you - congratulations of your first win!
It was a dry, cold response. But she did not have more in her to write. He did left her on read for two days. She had to remember her loayality towards her brother, who did go and created the best evening she could have asked for. She saw him, sitting at a table, deep in his own head. She went to sit next to him.
"Penny for your thought?" she nudged her brother. As soon as she spoke to him, he put on his fake smile on, the one he used the whole evening to hide his real emotions.
"Just happy you're happy," he said, clouded by his own emotions too much to see that she was in fact not having a good time. But both can pretend in order to protect the other.
"It is magnificent," she said, looking around at the massive Christmas tree. "Thank you."
Lando smiled weakly, getting sick of that sentence.
"Lando, I can see you're feeling really down. You do not have to be here just to please me. It must be horrible," she said, taking on the role of the supporter.
Her brother was crunched to his seat, visibly exhausted and completely over this bloody day. He couldn't look at her, as he felt incredibly selfish by making this about him again. As he always did.
"I'm a shit brother sometimes. I just want you to be happy," he responded.
"What a long we've travelled from you hitting me with a stick everytime mom turned around."
Lando let a small laugh out and finally looked at her.
"Ok, brother, I can't have you staying here, looking like you're about to drop dead any minute. Go do what you need to do. And we both know that is to get out of sight and have some alone time," she ordered, not having it anymore.
"You're right. As always. And hey, about that annoying friend of yours...I'll be alright. I'm sure of it." Lando never liked her, but he knew that Y/N loved her, so basic respect it was from him. Y/N's bigger issue at the moment was Lando-Oscar relationship. And her little crush. After the event today, it just seemed so out of the window.
"All will be alright," she replied, trying to convince herself more than Lando. "Now get off my party, you weirdo," she said jokingly, knowing well enough with him gone, there will be no one she truly liked left on her party. Just Lando's friend and few people from his team. But that was a reasonable price to pay for letting her brother go and deal with his emotions.
//
A knock on the door. Y/N came to the hotel quite late, but apparently someone wanted to come to visit even later.
She slowly opened the door, only to find a somewhat drunk Oscar swinging from one side to another, having troubles standing straight.
"Ssshh," he gestured immediately upon her opening the door, making in fact a louder sound than she ever planned on making.
"Oscar!" she whispered, surprised. Her heart must have stopped temporarily. He was there, standing in front of her. They were alone, for anyone to see. He was gorgeous. Stripped out of any inhibitions, barely keeping his eyes open.
"I'll stay here," he announced, rejecting an invitation that was never uttered. "I can't make your brother mad, not today. As you know."
Y/N was in a slight panic mode - the universal panic only one's crush can induce.
"I...have. A gift for you," Oscar mumbled and finally revealed his hand which was behind his back this whole time. It was a small box wrapped in the cheesiest Christmas paper. Y/N couldn't but smile at the awkward way it was wrapped, obviously Oscar himself took the time to do it on his own. "I wanted-wanted to give it to you this evening, but you know. Racing got...dramatic," he said, tripping over his own tongue. Y/N leaned closer and tried to stable him, which he rejected. "No! I will not come to your room today, no matter how much I want to," he continued denying offers that weren't made, making her laugh a bit. Drunk Oscar was a very cute Oscar. "I value you. And our...it's not a relationship, but it's also not a friendship, so let's just call it a ship," he reasoned, burped and then continued. "I value our ship and I do not want anyone to think I'm taking ad-advantage of you, so it must be done right. Today is not the day," he said, pointing his finger up. "Take this," he pushed his gift to her hands. "Lando said a necklace is a bad gift, but I don't think so. This will look pretty on your neck."
Y/N never took Oscar as a talkative drunk. But it was sweet to watch him, no boundaries at all.
"Thank you, Oscar. This is so nice of you," she said, still fighting her own surprised reaction.
"Good. I will go now. Today is not the right day to tell you I have a crush on you," he said and marched through the hallway, hopefully to his hotel room.
It was impossible to wipe off the smile out of Y/N face. Her crush liked her back. Gave her a beautiful gift.
But he was right - that day was not a good day for them to get together. But, a ship has definitely sailed.
115 notes · View notes
sirxlla · 11 days ago
Text
Ink, Paper, Mud & Memories
----------------------------------------------------
Warnings: Angst
Prompt: Remembering Jason/Writing in your journal after Jason dies + "I'm alright until Im alone and lately thats all the time. Who else can I talk to? I'm lost. When you left, you took everything with you. The absence of you is everywhere I look. It's like a huge hole has been punched through my chest but in a way I'm glad. The pain is my only reminder that you were real, that you all were." <- from New Moon.
Notes: female reader, italics are actions and thoughts.
Tumblr media
-With that said it's all under the cut-
"I wanna compare it to the worst of the worst. Tell everyone its been hell without Jason but it's not Hell. Hell serves a purpose in punishment and its deserved. He didn't deserve to die, I didn't deserve to lose the only man I ever loved, to have Joker send me that goddamn tape...that tape. I see it in my restless hours, I hear his screams in my darkest nightmares. I smell blood in the sweet musk of his cologne, the comforting smell now tainted by what smells like rust or iron."
"To say I'm in hell without Jason would be an understatement. This isnt Hell, this is Purgetory, an endless void of nothingness. The meaning of my being having been sucked from my very soul like a- there's nothing to compare it to, everything feels like an understatement. Nothing comes close."
"I miss his smile, that warm smile that he used to give me. His eyes were bright and so full of life. I wish I could only remember those happy eyes but every time I remember his eyes I see the dead look on his face after Joker beat him to a pulp."
-"That asshole, that fuckin asshole. I'd do anything to avenge Jace. I'd do it without question if Bruce and the others wouldn't keep such an annoying watchful eye over me."
-"I wanna watch Joker burn, watch him beg for mercy as his flesh melts from his bones...Who am I kidding? He's psychotic. He wouldn't care. He'd probably piss himself laughing before he ever screamed."
"Everyone's watchful eyes are annoying but I know they mean well, they want whats best for me, what Jason would want."
-"What Jason would want? Jason would want to be alive!"-
"Jason would want me to be happy, to move on, to find someone. But who do I find? Who is even remotely comparable to such an amazing man? Who's smile brightens up a room like his? Who can make me laugh the way he did? Who's curly hair smells the way his does? Who's gonna click his pen so much I find it annoying but miss it so deeply now that it's gone? Who's him? No one's him."
"Everything feels fine until I'm alone, the pains the only reminder of him, a reminder of his short existence on this planet."
"Who am I writing to? Why am I writing this? Who will read this? Is this helping? WHY AREN'T YOU HERE?! YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE! YOU JUST HAD TO GO AFTER JOKER ALONE! I HATE YOU! HOW COULD YOU EVER BE SO FUCKIN STUPID?! YOU WEREN'T STUPID SO WHY THE HELL DID YOU DO SOMETHING SO DUMB! GODDAMN IT, JASON!"
You ripped the notebook into pieces and threw it across the room. Nothing was helping, it had been two years and everyone kept telling you that you would 'heal', 'give it time', 'you're working through the stages of grief.'
You didn't wanna work through shit, if you worked through any of it then it meant he was gone. That he was truly gone and thats just something you couldn't except.
The AC turned on in Jason's room, the air kicked up the scent of him. It's so strong...'Wait? What the hell?' You turned around to see a man clad in black and red. Was that him that smelt like Jason or was it the clash of the smell of Jason and the cigarette smell that permeated off the stranger. Who is he? You blinked, rubbed your eyes and he was gone. You journal was gone and you could almost wear you heard Jason say something.
"Get some sleep, Babygirl. You know you need it."
'Am I going insane? Was that real? I should sleep, I should definitely sleep. No way in hell someone got in here without alarming any of the rest of the family.'
Your head found the pillow falling with a hard and quick thump against the soft fluffy pillow. 'Was the window always open?' You thought before sleep took you in such a deep quick grasp giving you no time to exlore the thought.
In the morning you thought nothing of it, it was clearly a dream. 'The window mustve been opened earlier in the night by me.' You kept telling yourself that over and over that was until you found mud in your room. Red mud? There was no such mud around this part of Gotham and you hadn't been out of this room.
'Was it real?'
'Why'd he smell like Jason?'
'Did he smell like Jason or was it the AC?'
'No, Jason doesnt smoke.'
'The smell was stronger, it had to be him.'
'No, I was just tired, there was no one.'
'Was there?'
'He wasn't.'
'He had to be.'
-> Masterlist <-
47 notes · View notes
iinryer · 2 months ago
Text
wip whatever! ive been tagged by @try-set-me-on-fire @bigfootsmom @pelorsdyke the past few days and im sure others i cannot recall even further back <3 ty for tagging me sorry I don’t always have stuff 2 share
(from chris comes home too soon fic, shortly after waking up in the hospital)
“Buck called…” Chris says it slowly, deliberately. He says it in a way that makes Eddie think maybe it’s not the first time Chris has told him, “He said you were hurt,”
Eddie swallows harshly. His eyes burn with tears he tries to blink back.
He has hazy memories about a call, and slipping down… falling from… he’s not sure. He wants to know, but he doesn’t want to ask his teenage son. Who’s here. Really actually here, in the same room as him for the first time in almost four months.
“You…” Eddie starts, voice hoarse, breath hiccuping in his chest, “how long…”
He’s not sure whether he wants to know how long Chris has been here, or how long he’ll stay. He still feels groggy and heavy. His thoughts are sticky, but he thinks he’s clinging to them with a better grip than he was earlier. He takes a deep breath. Feels a twinge somewhere for the first time. It hurts, in a far away kind of way, but it’s a sudden relief he didn’t know he needed. To be able to feel his body.
Eddie swallows, deciding it’s probably best not to have a heavier conversation before he’s fully present, and settles on, “How long have you been here…?”
Chris sits up straighter suddenly—that wary look still on his face, but there’s an alertness that wasn’t there before.
Alarm bells start going off in the back of Eddie’s head, somewhere muffled, but he can feel them. His brow furrows, a heavy arm trying its best to move across the bed to reach feebly towards Chris. His voice is raspy and thick around the tears he’s bit back, “Hey… what’s wrong?”
The smallest, shakiest voice he’s heard from his kid in years, says, “Dad?”
And then, Eddie’s horror, Chris’ bottom lip wobbles.
“Hey—hey, hey, Chris,” Eddie chokes, forcing his heavy, uncooperative hand over the edge of the mattress, “C’mere, you’re—you’re okay—,”
Chris lets out a gasping breath and lurches forward to, gently, ever so softly, grasp onto Eddie’s uncoordinated, reaching fingers.
They just look at each other for a moment. Then Chris’ brow furrows a bit, hesitating as his gaze drifts upward.
“Are you back? For real, this time?” Chris whispers, not crying, but still clearly distressed, “You were confused, before. You kept forgetting I was here,”
Tears well up in Eddie’s eyes, so suddenly, and with such ferocity it startles him. His first instinct is to shake his head vehemently and insist that no, he would never forget. He could never forget. But… He takes in Chris again. Remembers the way he spoke earlier…
Eddie takes a breath and claws at his residual grogginess, gives Chris’ hand a squeeze and says, “Yeah, buddy. I think—I think so,”
Chris nods slowly, still looking a little shell shocked, eyes drifting off to the side. Then says, “I’m supposed to call the nurse,”
Eddie wants nothing less than to have to deal with the medical staff when his son is right here. He’s here. But Chris looks shaken. Not just shaken, but shaken and containing it. And that breaks Eddie’s heart in two.
So Eddie just nods belatedly, clears his dry throat, and whispers, “Okay,”
Chris doesn’t move for a moment, looking at Eddie again. But before Eddie’s mind can catch up, Chris is reaching over to press the call button.
tagging @gayeddieagenda bc i want to see the thing you’re working on 🫵
55 notes · View notes
un-lawliet · 1 year ago
Text
“Present.”
Tumblr media
— in which Dazai wants to kiss you
part two here <3
Tumblr media Tumblr media
“Osamu…”
Dazai lifted his gaze, his eyes narrowing at your figure.
It was cold.
The Summer, having prolonged its stay, pliantly welcomed the first cool breeze of Autumn, inviting the ember shafts of the moon a little earlier, cutting the day shorter and introducing the night before the clock struck nine.
And Yokohama appeared to come alive at night.
The streets bustled with crowds, lively and impeached with an alacrity one would expect to see when the sun was much, much higher in the sky.
Dazai found himself outside the Lupin Bar, leaving a half empty glass of sake idle on the cracked confines of the bar top, the crisp air steadying his somewhat dizzy state, un-fogging his senses and clearing his head.
Leaning against the bar wall, his hands in his pockets, an indiscernible look in his eyes as he watched the ever moving city around him.
It was moments like this when you knew his mind was elsewhere, reminiscing over memories in which you did not know, memories that left you except and puzzling over the glimmer of recognition in the depths of his eye.
Breaking his trance he regarded you with quiet solidarity, as if debating weither or not he should throw up his defences or continue to stare, an eyebrow raised in subdued acknowledgment of your appearance.
He didn’t seem shocked at your return, having been on a mission at the other side of Yokohama for a few days, you feel a sickly indulgence of disappointment in his lack of reaction, your shoulders dropping as you approach him slowly.
He probably knew of your return, he has a habit of knowing seemingly every action and it’s equal reaction before they are even taken, it’s a habit that leaves you uneasy at best, and terrified at worst.
Sighing, you join him against the Bar, leaning your head back against the bumpy surface of the wall.
He looks at you for a moment longer, and it’s as if you can feel him back away, creating an insurmountable distance between the pair of you.
In reality, you know he does not move, but at the sight of an ill placed smile stretching his face, you have never felt so immeasurably far from him.
“To what do I owe the pleasure?” He grins, and it’s ugly for a man so devastatingly beautiful in your eyes, you hold back a grimace.
“I’m back.” You say simply, unable to look at him anymore, the footpath suddenly becoming the most interesting thing you’d ever seen before.
A street lamp flickers, the light momentarily dies leaving the pair of you in the dark for a split second before the light returns, Dazai glances upwards to look at it, you don’t even notice.
You don’t know why you even sought him out, your feet seeming to move on their own after Kunikida grumbled that Dazai had headed to Lupin’s Bar just after his shift at the agency.
You have a gift for him from your mission, you tell yourself, attempting to justify your foolish actions, ignoring the voice in your head that reminds you that you would have seen Dazai at the agency at some point the following day.
“You’re back.” He mimics, and he’s back to looking at you again, trying to understand your actions, trying to comprehend why you were currently standing outside in the cold, cold night with him.
“The mission was successful then I suppose?” His smile seemed less indulgent now, and if you were to look up you would surely notice how his body swayed slightly, a testimony to the tipsy feeling resonating in his chest.
You don’t however, your eyes staying downcast as you nod; mumbling about how it was more boring that anything, you hear him laugh at your admission, you hate how empty it sounded.
“Is everyone at the agency ok?” You ponder, clinging to the tail ends of a conversation you were slowly losing.
“You didn’t visit them before you came to see me?” Dazai questions an undeniable tease in his voice, you feel yourself flush.
“I did, it’s how I-” Found out you were here.
The words die on your tongue, refusing to go into detail of how you actively asked for his whereabouts about five minutes into your return.
“Hm?” Dazai coaxes you, although you’re certain he knew what you were about to confess.
“Nothing.” You mumble, your hands clammy, “I uh did, but I only saw Kunikida and Yosano so..” You trail off.
“Ah” He muses.
And in the back of his mind, he wonders if you were simply here because you felt like it, that you had no alterier motives, internally frowning at himself for his suspicions despite knowing you were part of the ADA, critiquing himself silently for falling into old habits that should have died when he left the mafia.
He supposes that maybe you just wanted to see him.
The breeze falls over you both and he’s moving to leave, you look at him again, your head cocked, holding yourself back from questioning, restraining yourself from clinging onto his hand and begging to follow him, indulging yourself in the warmth of other human.
The bar door opens, and for a brief moment you hear the drunken giggles and exclamations of careless patrons, before the door swings shut again, muffling the voices. It grounds you.
Dazai takes a few steps and then turns to face you, his face unreadable, before he tilts his head gesturing for you to follow him, you think your heart soars.
“You coming?”
And you’re pushing yourself away from the wall, nodding.
He doesn’t wait for you to catch up, and you find yourself walking at a pace slightly behind him, your hand subconsciously tracing the box in your pocket.
You wonder if you should give him his gift now, or if you should wait.
When you can’t decided you stay silent, choosing to speed up to level the distance between you both.
You have no idea where you’re going, simply following a man who’s actions you couldn’t begin to understand. He makes no effort to inform you of the destination and so you make no effort to ask.
Dazai likes to think when he walks, constantly scheming, devising ways in which he could encourage Atshushi to grow, or better yet, another way to end his life, and fail, over and over again.
A bitter cycle that infringes upon his thoughts like a bullet.
Tonight however, his thoughts circle back to you, and your silence, and how your face seems to glow in the dim light of the night. And he blames the alcohol that’s coursing through his blood, the last of his drink finally hitting him as he walks, dizzying him and rendering him in a state of concealed vulnerability.
“So.” His voice comes out steady, despite his tendency to slur his sentences when under the influence.
You look at him, gently urging him to continue.
“You’re hiding something.” He states, and you curse him for his intellect and damn observation.
You grip your coat tighter, eyeing the bulge in your pocket, defeat already coaxing you to reveal your intentions.
“I suppose.” You whisper, concluding to yourself that there was really no reason to hide the present from him, after all it was just a gift shared between two work colleagues, there was no need to plaster it with a hidden agenda.
Reaching into your pocket you timidly lift it out, his gift was wrapped, just like everyone’s gift from the agency, a pretty ribbon tying it all together in a clumsy bow. You feel foolish.
“I brought you something from my mission.” You explain, your eyes trained on his face.
And Dazai pauses, his steps slowing to a stop as he stares at the box in your hand, and you scramble to explain yourself, eyes wide.
“I-I got everyone from the agency something!” You stammered, “I just…wanted to give it to you.”
He doesn’t move for a second, his eyes moving between your flustered face and the present.
A car drives past, it’s headlights cause you to blink.
“Do you plan on giving them their presents in such an intimate manner as well?” His voice was softer, as if he himself is unsure of your answer.
His question makes you freeze, feeling as if you were caught in your own actions.
You whisper a tiny “No” and Dazai just nods.
And you hate how you don’t understand.
His hand brushes yours as he picks up the box, his hands are cold, you try not to shiver under his calculating gaze.
“You don’t have to open it now.” You mumble, willing yourself to look him in his eye.
Truthfully you hope he doesn’t open it in front of you, unable to cope with the silent weight of the consequences to your actions.
Dazai finally breaks eye contact to look at the bow, his finger going up to play with the flimsy material.
You brought him something, you had thought of him. Dazai, was unable to fathom how you could be so pure and act so well intentioned to someone with his past.
Did you not believe him to cruel? A man desperately trying to patch over his history with the excuse that he had changed. Changed from the eighteen year old who’s presence struck fear in those unfortunate enough to know his name. Who’s presence alone caused the death of the only person who-
Bitterly, he reminds himself that you had thought of everyone at the ADA.
Without a word he pockets the gift, that same ugly smile rippling his features yet again.
“How kind of you to think of me!” He exclaims, his voice far too loud for the quietness of the gesture, clapping his hands together in an enthusiastic display of himself.
The distance between the pair of you stretched for miles and you shake your head.
“I think about you plenty.” Your voice is hushed, edging on exasperated, because (although you would rather die than describe your complicated feelings for Osamu Dazai out-loud) you don’t appreciate being pushed away.
The moon appears to hide behind the clouds, leaving the street lights to fend for themselves. Their glow emphasising your features as he looks at you.
And Dazai wants to kiss you.
It’s a desire that materialises amidst the acutely awkward silence that follows your admission, it breathes down his neck and forces him to lose any and all words that might escape his lips.
He smiles, a bandaged hand reaching up to cup your cheek, your eyes squint; confusion, admiration and need seeping out from their sockets and onto your face, and Dazai, for once, is grateful for his ability to read people, to read you.
He wants to kiss you, but he doesn’t.
You lean into his hand as his thumb gently draws circles across the area just below your eye, your lips part, a question you will never ask bubbling in your throat.
The pair of you look at each-other for another brief moment before Dazai removes his hand from you and turns, hiding his expression.
“You’re cold.” He states, starting to walk, “You should go home.”
And you watch him go, your feet refusing to move, body overcome with a melancholy you only ever seem to experience around Dazai.
The moon peaks out from behind the clouds again, as if to ask if you’re ok. Illuminating both you and your surroundings like a blanket.
And you feel exhausted.
Tumblr media
masterlist <3 or part 2 here :)
feel free to leave a request !
A/N: this was supposed to be fluff idk what happened- i think i started thinking of chapter in 109 half way through, i’m sorry ANYWAY hi bsd fandom ily ily ily and thank you for reading !!!
483 notes · View notes
sprite-writes-fanfic · 11 months ago
Note
hey so how do you think the 2003 tmnt boys would deal with having dated their s/o for two years now, is anniversary, and the brothers, or April or Casey asks, “so 2 years, do you two think you’ll last longer?” And s/o is just like “I’d marry this one if I could”?
This ask 🥺🥺 I feel my mind already racing with headcanons that I need to get out GAH!!
The topic of marriage?!
🐢💙❤️2003 TMNT x Reader💜🧡🐢
Tumblr media
Word Count: 1054
CW: Gender-neutral reader, they/them is used but you can replace them with your pronouns! Topics of marriage are brought up! Mushy turtles, pure fluff ahead!
You and your partner have been together in probably the best relationship you’ve ever been in. It’s always had its ups and downs, but you two have always pushed through! And now your second anniversary is arriving soon and neither of you can’t wait to proceed with your future together!
Well, during a conversation between you, the guys, April and Casey, the question of, “So, two years… Do you guys think you’ll last longer?” Causing April to shoot Casey a small glare when he asked this, (let’s be honest he didn’t mean it in an insensitive way he’s just asking because it’s a genuine question).
Without missing a beat, you were quick to answer, “I’d marry him if I could.” A smile playing on your lips, not really noticing the subtle squeeze on your hand from your partner.
🐢💙Leonardo💙🐢
💙 Leo is over THE MOON! You would want to marry him?! Really?! Any insecurity of you possibly thinking about ever wanting somebody else is gone in an instance. You want him, and only him, and this man couldn’t be any happier.
💙 He’s thinking about it the whole time and is noticeably more spaced out because of it. He is on cloud nine and is absolutely fantasizing about the wedding you guys could have…
💙 Later that night you and him lay in his bed snuggled up together, the candles flickering softly as you read and he rested on you, his head in your lap. Finally, you ask him, “Hey, Leo? You okay? You’ve been out of it a lot tonight.”
💙 Leo could only smile up at you, “Oh, it’s nothing, just thinking about what you said earlier.” And once it hit you, you couldn’t help but blush a bit and smile with him.
💙 He was extra cuddly and affectionate towards you for the following months (along with being more protective too), he just could not get that memory out of his head. I wouldn’t be surprised if he popped the question leading up those months. <3
🐢❤️Raphael❤️🐢
❤️ Raph’s ego grew more along with the swelling in his chest. This giant turtle had some insecurities, I mean, as a mutant turtle growing up with the possibility of never being able to live a normal life like any average Joe?
❤️ He’s thrilled at the thought that you’d want to marry him because he’s definitely thought about it too. Getting some slice of normalcy. You know how I mentioned how he’s daydreamed about your first date? Well after the first year, he daydreamed about your future together too.
❤️ Get married, settle down, maybe even start a family, whether it be through somehow making a kid, adopting an actual child or just having fur-babies to be your kids.
❤️ Either way, he’s stoked, and he’s CONFIDENT TOO, oh man you just gave him ammo to tease you with, (don’t worry he’ll stop if you ask him to). He will definitely say things like, “I don’t blame you for wanting to marry me, I mean, look at me!” While flexing, making you laugh as he softly smirked.
❤️ Actually grows more overprotective over you too! Like… It’s surprising. He was already overprotective of you, but now he’s just more overprotective. He wants his future spouse to be safe after all! And ain’t nothin’ gonna touch you when Raph’s around and ready to brawl with any criminal who tries to hurt you.
🐢💜Donatello💜🐢
💜 Donnie froze a moment as he heard this, and his whole brain paused before quietly glancing over at you in a shy manner. Marriage? Oh man, he didn’t predict this as a result of tonight’s get-together!
💜 Don’t worry, he’s actually really mushy inside. He feels like a schoolgirl getting all squirmy and bashful because her crush confessed to her! He ends up getting more fidgety with your hands and stutters a bit.
💜 It’ll be on his mind for a good while, but as of now, he’s too shy to bring it up to you. Not until it slips up during your actual anniversary anyways. He was ranting as always about something, and well, that ended up slipping out. It honestly surprised you that he was thinking about that, it was really endearing.
💜 And trust me, it’ll always be running through his mind for a long time, he just hopes your opinion will stay the same throughout the years. But until then, Donnie decided to make the both of you promise rings! He presented it to you one day, feeling warm when you seemed so excited about it. “I want to marry you, but I’m also not 100% ready for marriage either. But when the day comes, I’ll propose with the prettiest of rings.”
💜 You made his century when he saw you wear that ring everyday. To him it meant that you were willing to wait until he was ready too, and he was thankful for that patience you gifted him with, and he was looking forward to what came in your future together.
🐢🧡Michelangelo🧡🐢
🧡 Mikey would just as casually say with a laugh, “Oh yeah! Me too! … WAIT REALLY?!” And he jumped up and grabbed your hands excitedly. You had only see this kind of excitement when Donnie had built the Shell Raiser all those years ago.
🧡 Bro is so excited, “Why not now?!” And now you were in a bit of shock, and Raph was quick to but-in, “You need to propose with a ring, knucklehead!” Now Mikey is pouting. You end up hugging him and comforting him.
🧡 But in no-means is he deterred by Raph’s comment, he is now determined, and he’s been talking with April about what he should do, and that’s when suggested, “Why not make your own ring?” He stared a moment before he was quick to go, “April, you’re a genius!”
🧡 With Mikey though, he’s easy to get side-tracked and distracted often, and when it came to things that took a lot of time, he got frustrated easily. But he wasn’t gonna give up!
🧡 When he finally finished, (with Donnie’s help after he begged the poor man), he was basically vibrating with excitement! He was stoked and wanted to propose right away, but with April and his brother’s advice, he figured he’d find a more romantic way of doing it… He might put that ring in your slice of pizza, let’s be honest.
GAAH, gonna be honest, I was a little stumped with Mikey last night and had to sleep on it, change some things, all that fun jazz. Once again spoiling Mikey’s moment, but maybe at some point I’ll make proposal headcanons! Also, if you want, I’m thinking of making a taglist, if you want to be tagged, let me know!
296 notes · View notes
ardbar · 3 months ago
Note
You! You get it!! They keep the Pros mad and the Noobs, not because they hate the Noobs too, but because they need the Pros to Fear What Could Be. I wonder how often a Pro falls and their former neighbors look at them with terror, thinking, "that could have been me." But it comes out as angry words towards their once friend. Their friend knows that it is fear they speak with, not anger, but that doesn't make it hurt any less.
As for the Masters, I wonder if they even Know beyond Theory. Like yeah, they know it isn't great on the Noob level. But they don't ever go down that far. They don't know that they're only given raw meat to eat and they have to risk their lives to do so, they don't know that the education system is Literally Nonexistent, they don't know that a Noob's life span is not counted in decades like theirs, or years like the Pros, or even in months, but in weeks. In days. They don't know that the average life span for them is only a few weeks.
This is not willful ignorance, not fully. They have never been down that far. They have never even considered the possibility that something could be that wrong, because surely the Champion wouldn't ever allow anything to get that bad, right? After all, he says that the Noobs are fine and it's dangerous to go down that far anyways. They don't have the safety blanket of the Pro Level if they miss a jump.
Just like with Evbo, how can they possible ask for an answer to a question they do not know exists?
But Evbo is the champion now and even when he was only a master, he shone light on what was happening down there. He claims that when he left he was considered not just an elder, but *ancient*. They ask how old he is, thinking he must be nearing 100 or 200, but he simply replies, "I am five years old."
OOO it would have been really cool to see people actually rank down and see how others view that. I wonder if there would be any sympathy, or if they would blame the fallen person. If they had been good enough they would never have fallen, they should have just done better.
Also your point about the master's I think is very interesting. It is personally not something I have given too much thought to until now so please forgive me if my points aren't as thought out as they could be. I really like how you describe the master's just being ignorant of the life in the noob level, they only have passing knowledge of it. But I also think this would be true of their knowledge of the pro level as well. While we don't know exactly how long the champion before Evbo had taken over for we can assume it's a decent amount of time because the system seems pretty set in stone with very few people fighting against it. What this means is a majority of the people on the master level were probably placed there by Seawatt and his whole memory lab thing. It was also mentioned that Master's almost never go down to the pro level. I think they would create an ignorance of not only the noob level but of the entire system. I think this would also really parallel how out of touch rich people but specifically how people born into the with wealthy are.
I think this adds an extra layer of it because it would make it so the masters are just as much a victim of this system even if it does benefit them. Many of them may look down on the pros, and noobs but they still do believe that through hard work it is possible for new members to join their ranks. Their actions aren't malicious they have just never been given a reason to not trust the system. Its the same reason old people say oh if you set aside x amount of money you can buy a house easily. That is there lived experience they can't comprehend this changing. At best masters have a basic understanding of the pro level and since everything is relatively normal there they have no reason to wonder what the noob level is like.
Also I love the whole, "I'm 5" line that would be super intertesing to see someone do something with that.
55 notes · View notes