#after scrolling through social media going on ao3 is like a breath of fresh air

[preordereddepression]

People who don't like ao3 for it's lack of an algorithm don't know what they're missing out on

I love ao3 so much in part BECAUSE it has no algorithm, it's so freeing

[andipxndy-writes]

the coffee shop

fandom: alex rider warnings: none requested by: @zixylixy word count: 9.8k

cross-posted to ao3

summary: You knew you should've stayed in bed the moment your coffee went all over your front. Still... that meant you met someone unique, someone different. Someone who was becoming special to you. And if you were being completely honest, now that you were thinking back on it, you wouldn't have it any other way.​

the coffee shop

You knew you should’ve stayed in bed that morning the moment your coffee went all over your front.

To be fair, up until that point your morning hadn’t gone too badly. You’d woken up, been tempted to stay in bed for a few hours longer, and then realised you had emails to answer and paperwork to do for work. Granted, you were working from home, so there was no rush to actually complete the work you’d been assigned until the end of the working day, but it was nice to get it all done in the morning. Then the rest of your day was free.

And that was what ended up happening. As soon as you’d got up and ready for the day, you managed to get your work done pretty quickly. All it took was a handful of hours of properly focusing, and you could get everything you needed to do done quickly enough.

Plenty of time for you to do things for yourself.

Of course, doing things for yourself wasn’t the first thing that came to mind when you finished work for the day. First of all there was the dishes (which took all of five minutes), and then the washing (which took a little longer, but you had that all in in half an hour), and then there was the general cleaning of the house that you hadn’t managed to get to last weekend (which definitely took closer to a couple of hours, maybe more). By the time you were done with all of that, it was the middle of the afternoon.

You thought it was about time to actually treat yourself.

So at about three in the afternoon, you had your little backpack packed with your notebook, laptop and a book, ready to keep yourself entertained with a coffee at your favourite local coffee shop. Just to wind down, maybe get back into that reading and writing groove again.

Except, when you got to your favourite local coffee shop, it was filled. Somehow, and you didn’t know how, the place had become everyone’s favourite place to visit in the late afternoon. Which meant that you couldn’t find anywhere to sit. In fact, the knowledge that someone was sitting in your favourite spot on their own and was casually scrolling through their phone was what irked you the most, and it made you very hesitant to leave the place. A small part of you even wanted to kick them out of the seat. But it was crammed, and you didn’t particularly like being around so many people anyway.

So you left. You knew where the nearest Starbucks was, and you also knew that it wasn’t too far to get to, so it would have to do. For once.

(Last time you’d gone there, with the absolute crowding and mess that went on there, you vowed to never go again. But the nearest Costa was too far to walk and the nearest Cafe Nero was even further. So it would have to do.)

As you got your coffee, you had to mentally remind yourself that just because Starbucks was mainstream didn’t mean that the coffee was any worse than what you usually got at your favourite spot. Perhaps the baristas here were decent, and the coffee had to be drinkable for people to regularly get drinks there.

When you took your coffee and sipped on it, your brain and taste buds helpfully reminded you that the coffee was worse, and tasted pretty cheap and generic, but you were going to have to deal. Because the next best places were further out and you couldn’t be bothered to walk that far.

The only other downside to Starbucks was because it was so popular and so mainstream, it also didn’t have any space for you to sit. Luckily, you were less bothered about this, and had been prepared for such an eventuality, so you were heading out to go to the local park – there were some picnic benches there that you could sit on and use to relax whilst you had your coffee, and the day was nice enough that it made sitting outside with your hot beverage and a good book worth it.

Your plans were ruined the moment you stepped through the open doorway.

“Hey!” you cried as your cup smacked into your front and emptied out over your jumper and jeans. As much as you didn’t care about the coffee, you did care about what you were wearing. You just so happened to be wearing your favourite outfit that day.

You were not impressed.

“Hey, I–oh my god I’m so sorry.”

The person who had crashed into you was tall, with fair hair and plain brown eyes. There was nothing particularly remarkable about him, really. Apart from his sharp jawline. And handsome features.

Nope, nothing remarkable about him at all.

Shaking out your hands to get off the hot coffee before trying to peel your clothing from your skin so that it didn’t keep burning you, you huffed, scowling. One small part of your brain decided to remind you that you were glad to be rid of that horrible coffee, but you hadn’t exactly wanted it on you instead.

“I’m so sorry, let me buy you another coffee.”

You looked up at him and raised an eyebrow at the offer. You were currently covered in coffee, sticky and wet, and standing on the pavement in front of your least-favourite coffee shop.

Another coffee wasn’t going to cut it, and you made sure your face said exactly that.

“I need to change,” you muttered, more to yourself than the man in front of you as you looked back at your clothes. “This was my fave… god, I need to do another wash…”

You spared the man a glance out of the corner of your eye. The guy looked a little awkward now, hearing you ramble to yourself, and a small part of you was satisfied in knowing you’d made a grown man feel awkward about not watching where he was going. You didn’t tend to do that often, but when you did it was incredibly satisfying.

“I’m sorry, truly. I’ll buy you another jumper. And a coffee.”

Another jumper and a coffee? Was this man desperate for your forgiveness or something? You looked up at him properly, narrowing your eyes at him.

He offered a nervous smile in return.

The smile melted your scowl.

“I’ll take the coffee,” you mumbled in response, giving a sigh of resignation. “But after I’ve changed, god. I’m not sitting around in coffee-stained clothes.” Your clothes felt hot now, but they were definitely going to get colder and stickier, and that was going to get very uncomfortable. Before he could speak again, you held up a hand to silence him. “I live a ten minute walk away. You can wait for me right here. Right here. Don’t move.”

You didn’t realise how serious the guy was about getting you coffee (and a new jumper, you supposed) when, after you returned in a fresh change of clothes, he was still standing right there waiting for you.

***

There were a few things you learned from that coffee you had with the guy who’d crashed into you. Firstly, and most importantly, you found out that he wasn’t a fan of Starbucks either, and somehow managed to get you both into your favourite coffee shop when you told him about the spot. With seats in your favourite spot.

He’d laughed when you vowed to love him forever.

The second thing you learned was that his name was Alex. You introduced yourself too, of course, but he seemed more than a little reluctant to tell you his surname. You didn’t mind, of course, but that meant that you insisted on being given the same courtesy – first names only, no surnames allowed. And from the way he nodded, it seemed to be a good enough agreement for him.

The third thing you learnt was that Alex was actually single, and had been on his way to meet someone when he’d crashed into you. He then insisted that your impromptu “date” was a lot better than what he’d originally planned to go to. It made you curious about the person he’d been going to meet, definitely, and why he was so willing to ditch them for someone such as yourself – especially when he’d only just met you.

Well, what you two had done hadn’t been a date, exactly, considering it felt more like two friends catching up. Or two friends meeting for the first time. But you realised you’d enjoyed it like one, and the two of you exchanged social media handles before parting ways: you suggested Twitter, he gave you his Insta, and both of you laughed when you realised you had Tumblr.

Neither of you shared your Tumblr usernames.

And then that was it. You pretty much forgot about the guy – any thoughts of him were lost amidst all of the work you were suddenly bombarded with (which you didn’t appreciate at all, and you were frankly disappointed in your boss for) and you were barely even given the chance to breathe.

It made you miss your writing.

That was why, when you got your next batch of free time (and told your boss that under absolutely no circumstances was he to send you more work to do) you packed up your bag with your usual notebook and stationary set and headed down to the nearest park. Since that last time you’d tried to get coffee, you hadn’t even attempted to get out of the house and do some writing on your own. You figured today would be a good day to go out and get some writing done, as well as get some fresh air.

Taking one look outside, though, you realised it was gradually getting darker, and one look at the clock told you it would probably get dark within the next couple of hours. Knowing your habits, it would be dark long before you finished wanting to write.

Perhaps the nearest university library would be best. You still had a membership card for it, anyway.

It took you about ten minutes to get out of the house with everything you needed, and then you were walking towards the library. Your favourite coffee shop was on the way there, so you decided it would be a good idea to stop by the coffee shop and grab something to drink at the library. You had your travel mug with you anyway, and it wasn’t as if the library refused to let people drink in there all the time.

Students practically lived in there anyway. They had to keep themselves alive somehow.

Just as you were walking into the coffee shop, you realised it was pretty quiet inside… but very noisy outside. Not noisy in the sense that there were lots of people walking about, oh no. It was noisy because there was something more than a little hectic happening on the street that ran by the coffee shop. Cars were speeding past, bikes were speeding past. The only thing that didn’t speed past was an ambulance, which (considering the speed those vehicles were moving about) concerned you greatly.

Still, you managed to tell yourself that this wasn’t your issue and you moved on, not even looking back over your shoulder to see what was going on. The distractions would hold you back, and it was getting later and later. You wanted your coffee and your spot in the library.

It wasn’t until you’d grabbed your coffee and were about to head out that you saw a bike – a battered, wobbly motorbike – pull up outside the cafe. It was a no-parking zone out on that part of the street, and you knew this, but you weren’t going to be the one to warn the person about it when the owner was probably out back watching on a security camera or something. They could suffer from that earful themselves.

The rider got off the bike, stumbling a little bit as they got used to being back on their own two feet, before pulling off their helmet. That was when you realised two things.

One, you’d seen that bike before. It had been brief, yes, but that bike had definitely been part of that whole commotion that had gone on outside whilst you’d been walking. You were absolutely sure of it. In fact, you were pretty sure it had been near the front of whatever had gone on, and had been the main one speeding. Which was more than a little concerning, considering it had now stopped outside of the cafe.

Two, you recognised the person as soon as their helmet came off. You didn’t know exactly why you managed to recognise them so quickly, but you hadn’t managed to see them for a while. Not since you’d first met.

It was Alex.

You stood frozen in place, surprised that after so long you were finally seeing him again. It was… strange, to say the least.

He paused himself, standing sort of lopsided as though he was supporting himself with one leg mostly. He was also seemingly surprised to see you, and then he gave you a half-smile. You got a feeling that he actually did kind of remember you, though you didn’t quite know what would really encourage him to do that.

Then you remembered how you first met, and it all made sense.

“Hello,” he finally greeted once he was close enough to you.

You simply took a sip of your coffee, staring him in the eyes. You didn’t know why exactly you did that – maybe it was a reminder of how he didn’t have to make you spill your coffee all over yourself to get your attention. “Hi.”

You both stood there in silence for a few moments, him watching you drink your hot beverage, and then he finally decided to speak.

“Do you want to sit in here and talk for a bit? We should catch up, right?”

You raised an eyebrow at him. Catch up? That was definitely very… forward of him. “We barely even know each other.”

“Then we can get to know each other more.”

You were so tempted to give in and point out how forward that seemed. After all, this was only the second time you were meeting in person. Granted, you’d seemed to get on pretty well the first time you’d met, but that didn’t mean you’d get along this time… did it? But, of course, you knew you were better than that and that you weren’t the type of person to call someone out when you barely knew them.

“Fine,” you sighed. “But I’m not staying here.”

“Then I’ll grab a drink and join you.”

You raised an eyebrow at him. “Be quick, then.” It didn’t seem as though you were going to get much writing done today either, and it was this guy’s fault.

Again.

***

After that second meeting, where he managed to successfully crash your library writing time and instead had you both sitting in the nearest park chatting over coffee, you began to spend significantly more time getting to know and hanging out with each other. Less than a week after you’d met, you received a message to your Insta from him, and the two of you ended up striking up a conversation via direct messaging that got incredibly long and in-depth, about anything and everything that came to mind. It got to a point where you looked forward to getting responses from him, whether the topic had switched to politics or reading or hobbies. You hadn’t yet decided to tell him that you enjoyed creative writing – in fact, you weren’t even sure you were ever going to tell him, because that was a very private part of who you were – but you spoke about enough other hobbies that you realised you had a wide range of hobbies and skills between you both. There were even some that you shared, whilst others seemed a lot more… obscure on his end. (You certainly hadn’t been scuba diving before.)

Anyway, with the increased conversation came the increased chance to meet up, but every time you planned to meet up for another coffee at your favourite spot something came up. And you meant every time. Whether it was work pushing you again and forcing you to work beyond business hours, or Alex having to cancel for some reason or other (that he often didn’t tell you), everything you organised didn’t work out. It sucked, really. Especially since you seemed to spend more and more time at the coffee shop as the weather changed, whether it was because you were writing or because you wanted a change of scenery to get your work done as best you could.

Well, it sucked until, finally, someone decided to take it into their own hands.

Hint: it wasn’t you.

At the time, you didn’t know why Alex had asked for your address, and you didn’t know why you’d so willingly given it over either. But it wasn’t as though you were particularly worried about him knowing it. He was a decent enough guy, and if he wanted to get you stuff and have it delivered to your doorstep then you weren’t going to complain about it. If he decided to kidnap you instead, you were pretty sure you wouldn’t have a problem with that either. Considering how boring your life had become, you’d probably thank him for it.

You didn’t, however, expect him to turn up on your doorstep, bags of what definitely smelled like your favourite takeout in his hands. You tried not to let your jaw drop too dramatically.

You’d only ever mentioned your favourite takeout once, in passing conversation. How did he even remember that?

“Hi.” His greeting sounded almost suave, as though him going out and getting your favourite takeout after a good while of not seeing each other in person just to have dinner at your place was perfectly normal.

And not… weirdly kind, or borderline romantic.

“Hi,” you responded in an almost hesitant tone, watching him warily for a few moments.

He stood there with the takeout still in his hands, but he didn’t look awkward at all. Not one bit. If anything, he looked like he’d done this too many times before to be doing it again with you.

It made you curious.

“So… are you going to let me in?” The question was asked in a sarcastic drawl, not unlike the one you heard in your head whenever you read messages from him that came as a response to something funny you said, and it made you smile. The wariness and hesitation about him being there melted away immediately.

“I guess I am,” you chirped back, before standing aside and letting him walk past. As he passed you, you couldn’t help but notice he was wearing cologne – maybe he was walking closer to you this time than he usually did, but you could smell it.

And it smelled pretty nice.

You held yourself back from mentioning anything, though.

Soon enough, the two of you were sitting at your small dining table, usually intended for one but actually catering to two tonight, with the takeaway on the table between you both. You couldn’t remember being particularly hungry when Alex arrived, but as soon as you both sat down at the table and Alex began to unload everything ready for you to eat, your stomach decided to announce that it was empty and you were famished. Alex only cracked a grin at the sound your stomach made, and you had to try hard not to let your cheeks heat up in response.

“It’s not funny.”

“Of course it isn’t.” He opened up the food, and the smell was absolutely heavenly. “It’s an indication of how hungry you are. That’s all.”

“Exactly.” And then your eyes narrowed at him. “Are you mocking me?”

He simply replied with a grin as he finished dishing out plates for you both. His lack of an answer was just as good as a confirmation, in your opinion, and you scowled at him playfully as you picked up your cutlery.

You would have to forgive him begrudgingly, if only because he brought you food. And good food at that.

Your meal was pretty nice, you had to admit. The conversations you had were varied, as they usually were, and somehow Alex managed to bring up almost everything that you could have talked about – from politics to art, and science to TV. Even you had to admit that the conversation was a lot more interesting than it usually was, and even if you didn’t share the same opinion on some things, it wasn’t so different that you immediately hated each other and broke off your friendship.

Yes, because that was what it was. Friendship.

You were just friends with this hot guy.

…Your mother was going to have words with you when she found out about this.

By the time you finally looked at the clock, you had both finished dinner a while back and were just sitting at the table, chatting. At some point, you’d popped into the kitchen and made hot beverages for both of you – a tea for him, and a hot chocolate for yourself.

The clock, of course, was almost at midnight. Your eye twitched.

You had work tomorrow.

Alex followed your gaze to the clock, his own eyebrows rising. “Oh, shit.”

“Oh shit indeed.” You looked down into your mug and, finding it was empty, pouted a little. There was nothing there to keep you two talking other than a desire to continue the conversation, and it wasn’t as if you could tell your boss that you were tired because you just wanted to chat with a friend. “I guess we’ve got to finish off, huh?”

That was all it took for both of you to start clearing up, and by the time all of the dishes were washed and everything was put away it was well past midnight. It wasn’t as if washing up was going to go smoothly when the two of you could easily have chatted the night away. In fact, it was almost one in the morning when you and Alex finally made it to your front door, you leaning on the door frame as he stood just beyond your doorway.

It took you almost ten minutes to actually say goodbye.

“Message when you get home,” you called out as he turned to head down the corridor. He gave half a wave over his shoulder, smiling back at you, and you waited until he’d completely disappeared from sight before closing the door, leaning against it with a frown.

Why were you so determined to make sure Alex was safe?

And why, why, did you all of a sudden latch onto just how attractive Alex was?

***

From then on, dinner seemed to happen on a pretty regular basis. Somehow you managed to pry Alex’s home address from his lips, and sometimes you got what you worked out was his favourite takeaway and headed over to his place, surprising him with dinner and a chat. One time, you were pretty sure you walked in whilst he had someone else over – a dark-haired woman, pretty with freckles and blue eyes. She only looked between the two of you before leaving, a smirk on her face, and you narrowed your eyes at Alex until he admitted that she was a childhood friend that he was (somehow) still close to.

You met her a couple more times. She was nice.

But not as nice as Alex’s oldest and longest best friend. He was a riot.

The first time you met him, Alex came over bringing dinner with a scowl on his face. Before you could even ask what was wrong, a smaller, wiry guy burst in with a huge grin on his face. He, of course, immediately struck you as a troublemaker.

You just didn’t know how much of a troublemaker he was.

He spent most of your dinner recounting stories from when Alex was a teen, all the stupid and reckless things that Alex had done that you were pretty sure would have got him into very big trouble if any sort of adult had found out, and you ended up spending most of the dinner laughing as Alex rolled his eyes and tried to correct him or defend his actions. You didn’t really have an opinion on much of what Alex did (that was a lie, you thought he was totally reckless and stupid), but you found it funny watching him squirm and get defensive, and he was fun to poke. This was a side of Alex you hadn’t really seen before.

You liked it.

It wasn’t until the end of the evening that you found out that Alex’s friend’s name was actually Tom Harris. You didn’t know how you’d managed to go that whole evening without finding out his name, but you had.

The next morning, the first thing you did was send him a friend request on Facebook. By the end of the day, you had him on all possible social media platforms and were sending each other all of your favourite memes.

Your favourite meal by far, though, was the one that stuck most in your memory. It would always stick the most in your memory.

Alex, in an apparent twist in tradition, had decided to bring his favourite takeaway over to yours for the evening. You didn’t mind the switch – you actually kind of liked it – but you didn’t hesitate to rib him for it. After all, what kind of gentleman was he if he brought over what he wanted, instead of what you would want?

His response of, “You’ll eat anything anyway,” hit deep, but it wasn’t wrong. You swatted at him with a tea towel for it, and he simply laughed as he moved to unload everything on your tiny dining table.

“I can’t believe you ditched my favourite for yours today,” you whined as you sat down, waiting for him to dish out the food onto your plates. The agreement was that whoever brought over food would be the one serving, but it was weird being served food that wasn’t your favourite. “This feels like a betrayal.”

He just scoffed at you and rolled his eyes. “My place was on the way.”

You raised an eyebrow at that. You knew that your place was on the way from his to yours, you saw it every time and silently longed over it whenever you brought over Alex’s favourite to his place. So the only way for his chosen place to be on the way was for him to be coming from that direction, which was in the opposite direction. Like, if he was coming from somewhere else.

Like work.

“A busy day at work, then?” you asked casually. Alex didn’t usually come from work straight to yours, he usually came from home. At least, that was what you assumed. After all, he was dressed a lot less casually than he usually was. (In fact, you wanted to say that he looked pretty dashing in what definitely looked like a business suit.)

A small frown grew on his face in response to your question, stayed there for a moment, and then he seemed to brush off whatever was on his mind and give you a small smile. “Yeah, pretty busy.” He paused for a moment, finishing off dishing out his food and setting the takeout bowls aside, and then, “I’ve been asked to go on a business trip.”

Your eyes shot up at this, widening as you stared at him. Alex had never really gone into detail about his job before, but… a business trip? You didn’t think he went on business trips. At least, he hadn’t been on one since you’d known him. Not that you’d known of anyway.

“…How long?” you asked eventually, once he’d taken his blazer off and settled in his seat, both of you about to start eating. Your voice was quieter than you expected it to be. You didn’t quite get why you were so quiet all of a sudden – it was just Alex, and you’d had friends disappear for long periods of time before. You were pretty sure you had some friends who went on regular business trips. But you’d gone quiet anyway, and it didn’t seem as though you were going to make yourself any louder.

Alex watched you for a few moments, his fork in his hand and hovering over his plate, and then he put his cutlery down. You got the feeling that this was about to be a pretty in-depth conversation, and mentally prepared yourself.

“Unconfirmed,” he answered, his voice taking on a harder tone, “but maybe a couple of weeks.”

“Where are you going?”

His lips pursed at that, and that confused you. Why was he so reluctant to tell you? “Somewhere in Europe. I’m not sure where yet.”

You just stared at him. Why was he keeping it such a secret? You got the feeling that he knew… but weren’t you close enough friends for him to tell you something like that?

Alex gave a sigh, picking up his fork again. “Let’s… let’s talk about something else, alright?” He offered you an awkward half-smile. “I didn’t come here to talk about me. I came here to have dinner and talk about anything and everything, like we usually do. You know?”

You did know. It was nice to talk to someone who wasn’t a coworker at the end of the day about anything that came to mind, especially over dinner. It meant that you could have varied conversations that didn’t involve getting work done.

But now you felt as though you really should know more about him. What was his job? Where did he even work? He’d never told you that before. And you didn’t think he was ever going to tell you that now.

So you picked up your own fork, looking down at your plate, and decided to focus on your food for a little while. Until you got all of your thoughts together, at least. You didn’t think you would be able to talk until that happened, and there was no way for it to not be awkward if you decided to go and collect yourself in the bathroom or anything like that.

The rest of your dinner was pretty quiet. You did, eventually, manage to collect all of your thoughts and get back into conversation with him, but you couldn’t help but feel that at least some of it was forced, on both sides. You didn’t want it to be – you missed the easy conversation you and Alex tended to have at the table when you were sharing dinner – but it ended up being so. Even as he helped you to wash the dishes and put everything away, you realised the atmosphere just wasn’t as relaxed and easy as you were used to it being.

And it continued that way all the way up to the front door, where you ended up in your usual position of leaning on the doorframe as Alex stood outside of the door. You both stood there in silence for a few moments, taking in the fact that this would be your last dinner together for a while.

“Well,” you started, pushing yourself off the doorframe, “I have work tomorrow, so…”

“Right,” Alex agreed, his hands in his pockets as he nodded. Usually he would at least take some of the food back to his place if he bought it. Today he wasn’t taking anything. “You shouldn’t stay up too late. Or you get–”

“Cranky,” you cut in, rolling your eyes. “Yeah, I know.”

That made Alex crack a grin, and somehow that eased the tension between you both the slightest bit. There were at least some parts of your friendship that wouldn’t change with Alex being away for so long. You’d miss the dinners, definitely, but you had Tom’s number. You could invite him over regularly, and show up at his as well. Sure, he had a girlfriend, but she was lovely and probably needed someone a little more sane around for at least a little bit of time a week.

“I guess I’ll see you when I see you,” you said, trying to sound hopeful, and Alex gave a nod. The situation, the whole him leaving thing, didn’t feel as depressing as it could have been. It was temporary. Alex would be back, right?

“I guess so.” He pulled out hand from his pocket and half-waved in his usual way, before turning to head down the corridor. “See you around!”

You simply smiled, and as soon as he disappeared from sight you moved to shut the door, sighing. Perhaps… perhaps Alex would change his mind and actually tell you where he was going. Perhaps Alex would even message you whilst he was out on his business trip, just to see how you were doing without him around. Those late night chat conversations were always nice, and if those stopped for two weeks you would be sorely disappointed.

You were just headed to the kitchen to make sure everything was tidied away and switched off when there was a knock on the door, and you frowned. Who could be knocking at the door at this hour? You turned and headed back towards the door to see who it was.

As soon as you opened the door, you felt a pair of lips against yours.

You were surprised at first, not sure who it was that was actually kissing you, but then that familiar smell of cologne hit you and you knew.

It was Alex.

His lips were dry, a bit chapped despite recently having dinner, and still managed to feel soft against your own. He seemed a bit hesitant at the start of the kiss, but when you didn’t fight back… when you didn’t fight back, his arms circled your waist, pulling you closer. You simply sunk into the kiss, letting him move his lips against your own, with your arms moving to rest on his shoulders and your hands interlocking behind his neck. You didn’t know how long you even kissed for, but by the time you were pulling away you were starting to feel lightheaded. You blinked owlishly at him, genuinely surprised at what had happened.

Had he just… had he just kissed you?

He stared back at you for a few moments, before clearing his throat. Pulling away from you, he rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. Then he opened and closed his mouth a few times, clearly trying to decide on the words to say. And then,

“I’ll… see you in a couple of weeks, then.”

You stared after him in something akin to shock as he disappeared down the corridor.

***

The following two weeks were nothing short of torture for you, both physically and emotionally. Work, somehow, got significantly more busy for you, and it meant that you actually had to go back into the office some days to get some work done. You didn’t particularly like the idea of going back and being around so many of your coworkers for long periods of time, not when you were so comfortable in your own space at home and were pretty productive on your own as it was. But it meant that if you had to stay on and do work, you weren’t distracted by the idea of ordering dinner only to realise that there was no one around to have dinner with. Sure, Tom was about, and so was his girlfriend. But Alex was out of town.

It also meant that you didn’t have to spend any time thinking about that last dinner you had together. About how you’d felt when you found out that Alex was disappearing on you for two weeks all of a sudden, or that he actually went on business trips and disappeared for periods of time.

Or how you felt when he’d kissed you for the first time.

You sometimes got butterflies just thinking about it, him placing his lips on yours and holding you close. The way his slightly dry lips felt against your softer ones, how he smelled up close, how warm his embrace felt as he pulled you in close–

You had to pinch yourself to stop yourself from thinking about it, otherwise you’d spend all day pining or crying over it.

Sometimes you even visited the cafe where you first sat down together to chat, where he’d bought you your first coffee and you’d had your first… well, your first technical date. All you wanted was a coffee, and you ended up being assaulted by thoughts of him and the time you’d spent together.

You didn’t want to think about it that way – you’d never wanted to think about it that way, that it was your first date. But that was how you ended up thinking about it. It had been a date, technically. And all the times where you’d gone to each other’s for dinner had also been dates. You just didn’t want to think of it in that way because you’d only ever thought of him as a friend, and you hadn’t discussed anything to imply that you were anything more.

That kiss more often than not made you think of him as something more.

It reached its worse when one evening, you got off work early. You thought you’d be fine, you told all of your coworkers that you’d be fine at home on your own (it wasn’t as if they knew about Alex anyway) and headed off. It was the middle of the week, so it wasn’t like you could join in on anyone’s night out or anything. Because, you know, no one went on a night out right in the middle of the week.

That evening you found yourself craving company, just wishing there was someone there to have dinner with you. That evening, you craved him.

That evening someone knocked on your door, and you opened it to find it was Tom, Alex’s best friend. He had a frown on his face, a genuine look of concern, which quickly wiped away when he realised you were standing there. The look turned into a grin as he held out what was obviously your favourite takeaway, perfectly bagged and ready to eat.

Just as Alex would.

“I hear someone usually gets takeout with Mr. Businessman,” he teased, before heading into your place without even an invitation. You wanted to be mad at him as he started rambling on about how Alex had thought it was best to get a replacement for dinner and how every time Tom had knocked you hadn’t been there, but really you were glad. You hadn’t wanted to spend the night alone.

Well, you wouldn’t.

And really the night turned out to be more fun than even you had expected. Tom was a non-stop chatter, commenting on anything and everything, and he even went as far as telling you stories about Alex that you were very sure he wouldn’t tell you himself. It meant that you spent pretty much the whole night in stitches as Tom recalled his and Alex’s childhood. You knew he and Alex had been friends for a long while, but just knowing some of their history… it made you realise how they had managed to stay so close for so long.

If you had been through even a smidge of what those two had been through together with a friend, you doubted you would have left them behind ever. You were pretty sure you would have been best friends for life.

When it came time for Tom to finally leave, you couldn’t help but feel like you were going to miss him. Sure, having dinner with him didn’t match up to having dinner with Alex, and you were definitely sure there was someone else Tom could have been with that evening, but it was the nicest night you’d had since Alex had left. You appreciated Tom, you really did.

And you made sure to tell him that as you both headed to your front door (you didn’t have the heart to make him do the dishes with you, like Alex did, so he was leaving considerably earlier than Alex usually would).

Tom only gave you a grin as you thanked him. “It’s alright. You’ve done a lot for him. It’s the least I could do for you.”

You frowned a little. What exactly had you done for Alex? As far as you knew, he had done so much for you. He bought you food, kept you company, and had genuinely been a good friend to you from the moment he’d bought you a coffee to make up for the spilled one. You couldn’t really think of anything you had done for him. Instead of dwelling on that, though, Tom was quick to switch the subject to when you’d next have dinner together (and he pointed out that you’d need to bring over extra as well) and informing you of his favourite takeaway.

Part of you didn’t want to feel like he was talking as though Alex would be away for longer… but he was definitely talking like Alex would be away for longer

“Are you going to be alright?”

Tom’s question snapped you out of your thoughts, and you stared at him. Were you going to be alright? You’d spiralled already because one person was missing – it wasn’t as though the world was ending or anything. So you gave him a smile.

“I’ll be alright.”

A small part of you wondered whether that was really true.

***

It was more than a couple of weeks. You’d been busy, and had probably lost track of the time, but it felt like it had been more than a couple of weeks. It had been too long since you’d shared a dinner with that rather attractive fair-haired man, whose first time meeting you involved making you spill your coffee all over your front. You were still really missing him, like you were having withdrawal symptoms, and it felt weird.

You hadn’t ever missed someone like this for so long before – not even your own parents. It felt… weird. Part of you didn’t like it. You didn’t want to feel this way when it took over most of your waking thoughts if you weren’t sufficiently distracted. You wanted to be able to think of and do other things without having to try so hard. And more often than not, you couldn’t do other things unless you were working, because nothing else distracted you enough.

Other than, well, writing.

But you hadn’t had your writing mojo in a while. Mostly because you spent most of your time at work, but also because you didn’t actually have the energy or the time to get out your notebook (or even open up your documents) on most days to actually get some writing done. Perhaps it was about time to kick that back into gear. You had a feeling that hobby would kick your loneliness.

And that was how you ended up packing up your backpack, your notebooks and stationary in there along with your empty travel mug, as you headed down to your favourite coffee shop. You hadn’t been there in ages – not since before Alex had left – and you missed their coffee. You thought you could do with something hot and caffeinated, just to kick you into gear and wake your brain up. After all, you wouldn’t have the usual adrenaline from work waking you up and pushing you through.

The walk down to the coffee shop was rather nice, admittedly. It was a decently nice day, and it was peaceful outside – most people were either at work or relaxing at home for the day, so it wasn’t as though there was anyone outside to bother you or get in your way. Soon enough you managed to make it to the actual coffee shop, and you were more than glad that you hadn’t really bumped into anyone on your way down. It meant that you didn’t really have to talk to anyone at all, not even your neighbours, so you could get into the headspace that you wanted without too much issue.

The only thing was, the coffee shop was decently busy at the time. There was a steady hum of conversation as you walked into the shop, various people sitting on the different tables available. You worried that it would mean there wouldn’t be any space to sit, or that someone would try to strike up a random conversation with you, until you realised that your favourite table was actually free, and you smiled.

This was definitely a sign.

You headed straight to the counter to order your classic usual – an iced caramel latte, even though it wasn’t particularly hot outside – along with a blueberry muffin. Just to treat yourself and get you into the vibes of the cafe. It didn’t feel like it took long at all for your order to come, which was probably helped along by the fact that the barista hadn’t seen you in a while and struck up a conversation with you. You felt a little bad for not visiting as often – you used to chat near-regularly with this guy when you came there on an almost thrice-weekly basis – but you never had the time recently, and you admitted that.

When he asked you how your writing was going, you just felt guiltier.

Either way, you exchanged social media handles before he gave you your order, and you promised to message each other more when you weren’t around. After all, you liked chatting with the guy. You may as well strike up whatever friendship you had going with him. (And if it turned into something more… then what did you have to lose?

It was about half an hour after you sat down, when you’d finally got into your writing flow, when you felt the whole atmosphere of the cafe change very suddenly. What had once been warm and welcoming suddenly changed to curiosity and wariness, and as much as you wanted to ignore it and keep writing, the change was too dramatic for you to ignore. You had to see what was going on. That was why you put down your pen and looked up, curious about what was going on.

And it felt like, in that moment, your breath was stolen from you.

You recognised that familiar mop of fair hair the moment you saw it. You’d had dreams, weird dreams, of running your fingers through that hair, just to see how soft it was. You’d always imagined that it looked thinner and more wiry than it actually was, that you would run your fingers through it as he lay his head in your lap, the two of you relaxing at either of your places or even out on the local park, simply enjoying nature.

You were drawn out of your daydreams about his hair when his eyes suddenly focused on you. You’d always known his eyes were dark, but something was… something was different about them now. You couldn’t quite pinpoint what, but it was something. Something that you had a feeling should concern you.

Still, the moment his eyes landed on you, they somehow lit up, and that was enough to get you to stand to greet him instead of sitting until he came over. You watched him as he slowly approached you, not intending to get any closer to him.

Your feet carried you forward anyway, and soon enough you were embracing him, your arms wrapped tightly around him, and his around you. He felt almost like a lifeline, like someone you needed to survive. You didn’t know when he’d become that for you, how or when you’d come to depend on him so much, but as you clutched him you realised that you weren’t sure how much longer you could have survived without him around.

“I’ve missed you,” you murmured, your lips right next to his ear.

He let out the breathiest of laughs, tickling your ear. “I’ve missed you too,” he murmured lowly. And then he pulled away just enough to look you in the eyes. “We need to t–”

You didn’t know what had come over you, but the next thing you knew, your lips were pressing against his in a soft kiss that you hoped, you dearly hoped, conveyed everything you were feeling right then. Everything you felt about him in that moment. The way he froze up reminded you of how you’d hesitated when he’d first kissed you, but then he was kissing you back, his familiar chapped lips moving against your own. A few moments later you slowly pulled away – not breathless, but satisfied. And he rested his forehead against yours, a small smile on his lips.

“…Okay then.”

You laughed at his words, suddenly very aware that people in the cafe were probably staring at you both. Regardless, you took the opportunity to reach up and run a hand through his hair. You realised that your thoughts had been right – it was softer than it looked, and felt running through your fingers. Idly, you watched as his eyes closed in response to the movement.

So he liked his hair being played with? That was good to know.

“You’re right,” you spoke up, making him open his eyes so that he could concentrate on what you were saying. “We need to talk.”

Alex nodded as your hand slid out of his hair to rest on his shoulder. His hands rested on your hips, holding you close. “Right. Talk.” He paused for a moment, as though he was collecting his thoughts, and then, “Coffee?”

Your smile widened impossibly as you thought back to the first time you’d met. Of how he’d bought you a coffee in this very shop, and had your drinks at the very table you’d been sitting at when he’d walked in. And you were about to do it again.

“Coffee sounds like a good idea. You’re buying?”

He scoffed as he pulled away fully, making you laugh. “Are you expecting me to buy, or asking me to?”

You simply grinned at him as you headed back to your table. As soon as you sat down, you rested your elbow on the table and your chin in your palm, a smirk on your face. “You figure it out.”

He stared at you for a few moments, noticing your half-finished iced latte still sitting on the table, and rolled his eyes at you. “You’ve been spending too much time around Tom.”

“I’ve been spending just enough time around Tom, thank you very much.”

You just about managed to stop yourself from saying how you wanted to spend more time with just him, though. Just about. But that was all that went through your mind as you watched him go off to get his coffee from the barista you’d been chatting with earlier.

Soon enough he was back with his coffee. You swore you could see the barista watching after him with a weird expression on his face, but as soon as Alex was sitting in front of you your focus was on him, and not on the guy you chatted with whenever you came there to get your coffee. Your eyes were glued to him and only him as he took a sip from his coffee, and you couldn't help but realise that there were… purple-ish marks on his neck. At least, they looked that way to you. You didn't get much time to look at them, though, because soon enough he was looking at you again and had put his mug down, his shirt covering up whatever you’d seen.

“So, talking,” he started, and you couldn’t help but glance down at your iced latte, very tempted to take a sip from your drink so that you didn’t have to say anything. But you got the feeling that he would catch that – Alex was very observant – so you decided against it.

“Talking,” you repeated, before taking a deep breath. How did you even talk about it? It was… a lot, but at the same time, so little. Where did you even start? “���Do you want to talk about the first, or the second?”

You could tell Alex was trying to hold back a smirk as he looked at you. “Well, ideally we should start with the first, don’t you think?”

Well, when he put it that way, he made it seem so obvious.

“Okay, then you start,” you pointed out, deciding now was a good time to take a sip from your latte. “After all, you initiated.”

His cheeks flushed pink at that point. “I did.”

You realised that you found the pink flush very cute.

It took him a few moments to seemingly compose himself, and that was the moment you realised that Alex wasn’t as confident or as outgoing as he usually let on. There, right then, you were seeing him as a shy, awkward man – probably the kind of person he’d once been before he’d grown up and started putting on the more confident front.

You liked this shyer version of him.

“I… have liked you for a while,” he admitted, his voice so quiet you almost didn’t hear him. “I say a while, I mean… I mean a month, or so?" He gave an awkward half-shrug. "I just… acted."

You stared at him, blinking a few times. "You just… acted?"

"Yes."

"On impulse."

"Yes."

"Giving into an animalistic desire–"

"I wouldn't go quite that far."

You didn't know why, but suddenly you felt emboldened. The feelings you thought were a one-way crush turned out to be reciprocated, and your heart was bubbling with so much joy. But for some reason… for some reason you didn’t see the same level of excitement in his eyes.

Instead, you saw… was that hesitation?

He looked down at his mug, and then back up at you. And that was when you realised he wasn’t sure whether you felt the same way. Or, at least, that was what you were thinking, anyway. So you rolled your eyes at him.

“Aren’t you going to ask me on a proper date, or something?” you teased. You quickly realised that maybe saying that was a little too bold, but the way his cheeks flushed and he awkwardly laughed made you think that maybe he didn’t think of it as really offensive. Though the longer it took for him to answer made you wonder whether he was actually considering asking you on a date, or was trying to find a way to let you down gently.

“Dating me isn’t easy,” he finally said, his voice quiet. He looked… nervous now. “I’m a demanding person.”

“I know, I’ve fed you,” you responded casually. When he didn’t laugh, you realised he was probably talking about more than just food.

“I can also be absent for weeks at a time,” he pointed out.

“I can work with that, I’ve had a taster.”

“My job is really demanding, and I can’t tell you anything about it.”

That one confused you. Alex hadn’t ever told you anything about his job before anyway, but you knew that if you were getting closer to him that you’d want to know what he did from day to day. Or at least have an idea of what he did every day. But hearing that he couldn’t tell you anything… that sounded like it would be tough to deal with. And it also sounded like it was something that Alex anticipated.

So you reached over and placed your hands on his, watching as his eyes widened and he tensed a little. You gave him a small smile.

“I wouldn’t be dating you for your job. I’d be dating you for you. The job thing is secondary and not as important.”

He stared at you, as though he was actually processing what you were saying and whether you meant it. You hoped that he knew that you did mean it, and that you really did want to date him regardless. Relationships came from working hard at them – the two of you could work past anything you were unsure about now over time.

“Are you sure?”

You rolled your eyes at him. “Do you think I’d still be sitting here with you if I wasn’t?”

He stared at you, seemingly trying to decide whether you were telling the truth or not. So you decided to offer him a soft smile to try and encourage him.

“Do you really want to do this?” Alex asked, and you gave him a definitive nod.

“Yes.”

The smile that appeared on his face… it wasn’t quite blinding, but it was certainly very beautiful and very happy. And it made you smile even wider in return.

“Alright then.” He took a deep breath, still smiling. “Alright.”

“So pick me up tomorrow at seven?” you went on, and he laughed a little.

“Tomorrow at seven it is.” He shifted your hands so that he was actually holding them, and he squeezed a little. A squeeze that marked the beginning of a rather companionable silence as you both stared down at your hands, how they looked as you held onto each other.

Until you broke it.

“Is this the end of our talk?” you asked, looking up and raising an eyebrow at him. “Because if it isn’t, I think we need to discuss the way you alert me before you disappear for weeks at a time. The night before you go is not acceptable and I would like to have words with you about that.”

He grimaced. “Yeah, about that–”

“The next time you do that, I’m punching you and breaking your nose.”

He blinked, and then smirked. “Are you, now?”

“You bet I am.”

You knew you should be offended by the way he laughed at you, but you couldn’t help but smile at his reaction. It had been a while since you’d heard that laughter coming straight from him.

It was nice.

And you were glad that you were getting the opportunity to hear it more. At least, you hoped you were. You just had to wait and see.

[minhoslut]

♡ summary: Y/N is a fairy in a world of magic hating humans, who moves into a house with seven young men after being kicked out of her old dorm. She learns about all their secrets while hiding hers for as long as she can. Lots of parties, games, sex and maybe even love.

♡ pairing: ot7 x fem!reader, fem!reader x various idols

♡ chapter: 1 | 2 | 3 | ? |

♡ series warnings: alcohol consumption, blood mention, drug use, mxm, fxf, threesome, foursome, orgy, swearing, anxiety, depression, past trauma, past abuse

♡ series genre: fluff, smut, slight angst

♡ series rating: R

♡ word count: 2474

♡ posted on: AO3

♡ chapter two: housemates

You could feel butterflies in your stomach as the voices gained volume. You took a deep breath and stepped onto the main floor. There were seven beautiful men staring at you as you walked towards the kitchen, fourteen eyes watching your every move. “Hi, I’m (Y/N) the new housemate, nice to meet you all.” You offered a simple greeting feeling out the atmosphere of the new people.

“Hey, I’m Jimin.” The boy with black hair  said, “I’m Jin.” Said pink hair, “Taehyung’s the name.” Blue hair, “You can call me Hoseok.” Blondish-red hair. “I��m Yoongi.” Lavender. “Jungkook.” Dark red. “And Namjoon but we’ve met.” And silver. These guys were a rainbow of colours, easy to tell apart at least, not that you could say anything, since your own hair was white. They all seemed nice, offering small smiles with their greetings.

“So, do you want help putting away groceries?” “Sure, you can learn where everything goes!” Jungkook said, moving over to the large stack of grocery bags. He handed you stuff while you put it in the fridge, Jimin stacked cereal boxes into the cupboard, Taehyung shoved things in the second freezer. It’s nice to be part of this, comfortable.

With so many hands even the huge pile was sorted quickly and once it was, each boy eventually left to go to their own rooms. It was fairly late after all, 11ish by now, you’d arrived early evening and they had been gone for most of it. Eventually it was only you and Hoseok left in the kitchen.

“So, (Y/N), what brings you here?” Hoseok asks you, “Mm just needed a new environment, my old one wasn’t very, uh, good for me? And my family kicked me out a long time ago so…” “I didn’t mean to pry sorry.” He rubbed his neck sheepishly. “Oh no don’t worry, I’m very open about my life and I don’t particularly care about not living with my family.” This was true, you had never really been one to hide things (other than you not being human) and your family could fuck off since they were so stupidly traditional.

“What about you guys, how did you all end up here?” “Well the place is Jins technically, left to him by his late grandmother. He was looking for other people to live in the house with him cause he hated being in such a big place alone, so he put out an ad and we all came across it one way or another. We’ve been living together for about 4 years now.” “That’s a long time, you guys must be really close.” “Yeah it’s a lot of fun and they are all good people.”

You felt a little bit bad about lying to Hoseok and the others, but you could never tell what a Humans reaction would be. You brush some of your hair out of your face and smiled at Hoseok. “I’m gunna retire for the night, talk to you tomorrow?” “Yea sure, night!” With that you headed up the two sets of stairs and went into your bedroom.

They seem like nice guys, it might be hard to sneak into a 4 year friendship though… You changed into a fluffy pink nightgown and dramatically cast yourself onto your bed. All seven men were extremely attractive and you couldn’t wait for your chance to tease them. You had a ‘bad’ habit of not caring how much of your body people saw, you heard the words ‘slut’ ‘whore’ and ‘prostitute’ quite often in your old town, but you just didn’t care. In your opinion bodies were there to be viewed and touched when given consent, your own was no exception. Humans were silly for trying to decide what was appropriate and what was too revealing, a body is a body and only becomes sexual when you decide it is.

You liked to dress in many different styles, whether it be silks and lace or leather and vinyl, you wore whatever you pleased. You often wondered if this was why the fairies from your colony refused all human contact and had subsequently kicked you out when you had initiated contact. Humans may be stupid but they were anything but boring. You liked watching the way they pushed themselves in work or pleasure, even though they had such short life spans. It often confused you that they didn’t take more risks in life when they could.

Fluffing your pillows, you plugged in your phone and turned off the lights with a simple flick of your hand, deeming it a safe time to use some simple magic. If pained you to live like a human sometimes because they always had to do such trivial things that were much simpler with magic, but you couldn’t risk being exposed so you had to refrain. Settled in your bed you closed your eyes and let sleep take you into it’s warm embrace.

Sun was coming into your window when you woke up early the next morning, you never slept for very long, you didn’t need to. You stretched your arms and padded out of the room, on a mission for some cereal. No one else seemed to be awake, so you just grabbed a bowl and spoon and poured some cheerios for yourself. Sitting at the table, you ate slowly while  lazily scrolling through social media. Normally you would be blasting music and dancing with your old friends at the dorm.

Frowning, you tried to shake the unsettled feeling away, it still hurt that they had been so quick to give you up when they had found out. You had always had so much fun in the mornings with them and basically all the time really. Fuck them, they betrayed me after all. Tired of feeling bad you cleaned your dishes and walked out to the back deck, despite still being in your night dress.

It was a cool morning but the sun was shining and you took a deep breathe of fresh crisp morning air. The forest was calling your name so you began to wander the grounds, not caring about how you looked. The trees in the forest were tall and beautiful and you brushed your hands along them as you walked, connecting with them. The sound running water peaked your interest and you picked up your pace, heading in it’s direction.

Eventually you came to a clearing and you almost squealed in joy. There was a small waterfall that fell into a lake, the water clear and inviting. You had been secretly hoping there would be some kind of lake nearby since you were out in the forest area. You walked to the water's edge and crouched down, trailing your hands in the cool water. This is my new home, my new space. Overjoyed with your discovery, you couldn’t help but giggle happily and began to sing to the forest. “Lullaby of birdland, that’s what I~  always hear, when you sigh~ Never in my wordland could there be ways to reveal~ In a phrase how I feel~” It was a favourite of yours. Feeling better, you turned to head back to the house, walking slowly through the forest, glad to have found such a beautiful spot.

When you arrived back at the house, the boy with lavender hair, Yoongi? was sitting on the deck. “Good morning~” You called as you walked up to the deck. Yoongi seemed surprised to see you and somewhat shocked at your appearance. “You’re up early, where did you go?” “Oh just for a quick walk, and I always get up early.” “A walk… In your nightgown?” “Oh. I suppose so, well I’m headed in for some tea do you want any?” He shook his head, “I’m good.” He gestured to the cup of coffee beside him, you nodded and went in.

Namjoon was in the kitchen and seemed just as surprised when you entered through the deck door. “I went for a walk, yes in my pajamas.” You said before he could ask, he nodded in response and turned back to his phone. You gathered the necessary items for your tea, and boiled some water. “Oh! We were thinking about watching a movie tonight if you wanna join.” Namjoon said as he watched you stir your tea. “Yeah sure, sounds fun.” The two of you sat in a comfortable silence for while as you sipped your drink.

“Good morning~” The one named Taehyung sang as he entered the kitchen and started shuffling through the cupboards for breakfast. “Morning.” Both you and Namjoon replied. “So, (Y/N) how do you like it here so far?” Taehyung asked as he settled into the chair across from you with his bowl of cereal. “It’s a really beautiful place! I love the vibe it gives off, if that makes sense?” “I totally get you, this place has the perfect air to it. It’s the best!” You smiled at his enthusiasm, it was endearing and his own smile was contagious.

Excusing yourself, you headed back to your room to get dressed for the day. Some black high waisted skinny jeans, a white peplum top with flowers scattered on it and some silver diamond shaped earrings with a smaller gold diamond inside was the look you decided on after searching through your drawers. You spun around in the mirror and smiled before heading back downstairs.

The rest of the boys had made it down when you came down and gave you various greetings, which you happily returned. You appreciated their kindness when you had arrived just yesterday. You sat down on the couch beside Jimin and Jin, “So what do you guys usually do during the day?” “Play games, watch shows, generally lounge around, not very much honestly.” Jin answered tapping his chin, “When you put it that way we sound so boring!” Jimin complained, “We have a lot of parties too, but since it’s Tuesday it isn’t a good time for one.” You hummed in reply, giving a nod.

“I’m gunna play some games, who wants to join?” Jungkook announced, getting up. “I’m down, if thats ok?” You said, “Me too!” Jimin and Taehyung chorused. “Nice we can play a 2 vs 2 match in Smash!” The four of you headed to the den and played a quick game of rock paper scissors to decide teams, ending in you and Jungkook on one team and Taehyung and Jimin on the other. You played for hours and you didn’t stop laughing most of the time, except when you were super focused. You and Jungkook were constantly beating the other two and only lost once when Taehyung had attacked you with tickles so you couldn’t fight properly and ran off the map.

“Taehyung no fair!” Jungkook whined when he lost against the two of them. “S-sorry Jungkook.” You said between gasps, after Taehyung released you from his terrible tickling. “Don’t be they’re just sore losers!” “Are not! You guys are too good to be on a team!” Jimin argued. “Mad just cause you suck dick at Smash.” Jungkook said shaking his head before darting away from Taehyung who began to chase after him yelling, “Take that back!” You laughed at the two of them running around and stretched your legs from sitting for so long.

“Foods ready!” Hoseok called from the kitchen. Jimin and you got up, heading to the dinner table where everyone else, minus Taehyung and Jungkook who were running about outside now, were seated. You sat between Hoseok and Namjoon and served yourself some spaghetti. “Did you make this? It’s so good!” “I’m something of a chef, no need to praise me!” Jin said smirking. “He’s lying he loves the attention.” Yoongi cut in, causing the whole table to snicker. Jungkook and Taehyung finally joined you after everyone else had served themselves, and tucked in as well.

It was a lot of fun to eat dinner with them, teasing each other and discussing your winning streak, all smiles and happy moments. It was really nice and you were happy with your decision to move in. “So (Y/N), why did you go out for a walk in the woods barefoot wearing your nightgown?” Jimin asked. “When did you see that? Well, I wanted to go out to clear my head this morning and couldn’t be bothered to get changed or get shoes.” You shrugged nonchalantly. “Oh, I guess that makes some sense, and I saw you coming back from my window, not in a weird way though.” You laughed at his hurried excuse, “It’s fine, not like I care. I don’t bother caring how others see me.” “That’s a good mindset to have.” Yoongi said nodding his head in approval, making you smile at him.

You insisted on washing the dishes after dinner, joined by Jungkook who was in charge of drying them. “We have to have a 1 vs 1 game sometime, you’re pretty good!” “You’re not so bad yourself, but I bet I could beat you.” “Oh yeah? We’ll see about that!” You both laughed and were soon finished cleaning up. “Movie time!” Jungkook called up the stairs. “Can they even hear you?” “They’ll hear me, promise.” Like he said soon the six others had joined you in the den.

“(Y/N) you pick, to celebrate your moving in!” Taehyung suggested, everyone gave their approval so you began your hunt through Netflix. “How about Insidious?” You suggested. The boys agreed to the dismay of a few of them. You adored horror movies, loving the thrill of watching the humans in them so frightened. Though you stayed away from any horror creature ones because they usually portrayed magical beings as inferior and awful, which was frankly disgusting in your opinion.

You were sat between Hoseok and Namjoon, which turned out to be quite an experience since Hoseok had his head buried in your shoulder for most of the movie, but you found it very cute. The other problem was Namjoon had his arm around your shoulders, he had stretched out part way through the movie and it was somewhat distracting, he smelled really good and you wanted to cuddle into him, but that wouldn’t be appropriate. When the movie ended, you apologized to Hoseok for picking a scary movie. He turned red and waved his hands, “It’s fine!! I don’t hate them, I just get easily scared!” You let it slide, but you were sure he didn’t like them.

You all went into your respective rooms after exchanging goodnights, and you quickly stripped out of your clothes. You pulled out a silk black slip that had lace on the neckline and a tiny slit on the side. Slipping it on, you threw your clothes back into your drawer and got into bed. It was fairly late and you were quick to fall asleep.

[edendaphne]

“Discordant Sonata” Ch. 5

New chapter!

Read it here on Ao3

Read it here on Wattpad

CHAPTER 5: FERMATA

Glossary:

Clochette = little bell

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

(Mood Music: Hallelujah - Brian Crain cover)

It was just another Monday morning in the life of Nathalie Sancoeur. While she wouldn’t necessarily categorize herself as a morning person, she did prefer to wake up extra early to quietly watch the sun rise, her beloved cat Clochette lounging lazily on her lap, as well as enjoy the luxury of being able to get ready for the day at a leisurely pace.

Her daily routine of scrolling through the trending news on her tablet while sluggishly sipping on black coffee was uneventful as usual… until she began going through the Adrien Agreste hashtag, as she always did.

Clochette did not appreciate being violently sprayed with coffee. Nathalie coughed and sputtered, wiping her dripping mouth and nose. She grabbed the nearest available towel (which, as she discovered later, turned out to be not a towel but a pricy dry-clean only sweater) to clean her face and tablet with. Hopping off and looking back with what was surely the cat version of a sneer, Clochette walked away from a very confused Nathalie, who continued to gawk and sputter at the blurry photos of her charge, hand-in-hand with the one and only Ladybug.

Inhaling sharply and leaping out of her chair, Nathalie snatched her phone, first to dial Nadja Chamack’s number, followed by the Agrestes’ lawyer, hoping they could help her minimize the potential damage of this situation.

“Gabriel cannot find out about this,” she muttered to no one in particular, clutching the countertop with a white-knuckle grip.

A couple of hours later, Adrien sat at the Agrestes’ titanic dining room table anxiously poking at his breakfast, waiting for the other shoe to drop. Sleep-deprivation from a night full of bad dreams (chronic nightmares were an unfortunate side effect of using his miraculous against its intended use) only amplified the maddening suspense.

Last night he’d been terrified to check the news, fretting that the photos from his date with Ladybug would undoubtedly be leaked onto the internet. There was no way he’d be lucky enough to escape that. He did, however, recall that none of the phones pointed at them had had their flash turned on, and therefore, there was a tiny possibility that the photos hadn’t turned out clear enough to confirm that it really was Ladybug and Adrien in the photos, and not some attention-seeking lookalikes. It was that tiny ray of hope which allowed him to fall into a fitful sleep.

A hope that was dashed when he checked his phone at 3am (having been jolted awake by a particularly vivid night terror). As a result, he spent the next few hours searching for more photos, filing claims and reports all over social media, hoping they would get taken down sometime before anyone he knew could find out, and had gotten no more sleep.

“Good morning, Adrien,” a stern female voice rang suddenly from the other side of the large dining hall.

Adrien suppressed a grimace. “Good morning, Nathalie.”

Nathalie paused, chewed on her lip as she stared at him without blinking, and then continued, “You have Chinese lessons at 6pm tonight as always. You also have an early morning photo shoot tomorrow with a 5am wake-up call, so be sure to set your alarm for the correct time. Your piano recital is this Saturday so don’t forget to get in some extra practice this week.”

Adrien stared back expectantly, wondering when the warning about his behavior and consequences would come. A weighty pause and an air of tension hovered over the two of them, and the lack of conversation turned awkward, so Adrien forced himself to say, "Sure."

Nathalie stared back, trying her best to maintain a professionally cool and nonchalant expression, although Adrien could tell she was struggling to remain her composure. Adrien fretted internally, wringing his hands under the table, wondering if she knew.

Of course she knows, this is Nathalie . But why hasn’t she said anything?!

After several seconds, which felt like he was held at the precipice of a roller coaster and waiting anxiously for the drop, Nathalie finally said, “That is all.” She added a quick, “Have a good day at your shoot,” before walking away briskly.

Adrien consciously had to stop his jaw from dropping.

“Th-thank you, Nathalie!” he managed to blurt out when she’d almost reached the door.

She stopped abruptly and looked back, her eyes full of an emotion he couldn’t place. There was an unspoken understanding floating in the air between them. A solidarity. An odd sort of pact forged through kinship, through a need to survive together as allies under hostile territory.

“You’re welcome,” she replied quietly and exited the room, leaving a very puzzled Adrien behind.

He sank into his chair like a deflating balloon, recovering from the pressure and anxiety of what he’d originally anticipated from this meeting. Any time there was something he’d be getting in trouble for, Nathalie was always kind enough to warn him beforehand. If she hadn’t mentioned anything to him (and he was positive that she knew who he’d been with the night before), it meant that Gabriel hadn’t found out and that she wasn’t going to tell him, since he relied on her to inform him of any news that might interest him.

This wasn’t the first time Nathalie had put her job on the line for Adrien. Why would she continue to risk her job, her position as his father’s confidante and right-hand-man, so to speak, on his behalf? She received nothing tangible from helping him; there wasn’t anything he’d be able to repay her with. No accruing of favors or debts to hold over his head or she would have said something already. Adrien knew she wasn’t happy working for them and yet she’d never resigned. Why was she still here after all the trouble the Agrestes had brought into her life?

Whatever the reason, Adrien was thankful. He let out a large sigh of relief, hoping that some of Ladybug’s legendary luck (which had apparently rubbed off on him last night) would stick around a little bit longer.

After finishing getting ready, Adrien opened the front door and was halfway across the threshold when he heard a stern voice call his name from inside the house. He spun around to see Gabriel, who had just exited his office. Adrien felt an unpleasant chill trickle down his spine, yet tried to keep his expression neutral.

“Good morning, Father,” he called back as casually as he could.

Gabriel approached until they were less than an arm’s length away and stared down at him through his glasses. Despite having almost reached his height, he still felt so large and imposing that Adrien couldn’t help but almost shake when he stood this close even after all these years.

“I could sense you last night,” Gabriel finally spoke. “What happened?”

Adrien felt his limbs freeze up. Of course his father had felt his distress when he’d had his claustrophobic attack he’d had in the closet with Ladybug the night before. To him, being able to detect strong emotions came as natural as breathing by this point.

“Oh, I- uhh... I was watching a horror movie,” he lied as nonchalantly as he could.

Gabriel raised an eyebrow and his mouth twisted into a disapproving frown.

Adrien wasn’t sure if he looked convinced or not. He continued, “I’m sorry if I disturbed you. I’d forgotten how much I disliked scary movies, but I got really into the story and wanted to see what happened.” He forced himself to smile, but was pretty sure he probably just ended up looking like the grimacing face emoji.

Gabriel grunted slightly in acknowledgement. “See that it doesn’t happen again. You were fortunate I was already in bed and reading a book. The emotion from you last night was quite tempting, and I have often pondered whether you would make a more efficient akuma than you are as Chat Noir.”

Suppressing a flinch, Adrien replied dejectedly, “Understood.”

They went their separate ways quietly, having nothing left to say to each other. Adrien walked slowly, desperately attempting to squelch the negative emotions he was currently feeling so as to not alert his father again. A sense of restlessness and desperation had been slowly growing within him for a long while now, and yet he couldn’t place what it was trying to compel him to do. He wanted to disappear, to run far away to the other side of the world and never have to see his house, or even Paris, ever again.

Taking a deep breath, he reined himself in.

I need to calm down. Think, Adrien… Think about something good, think about something nice, think about something that makes you happy. Like puppies, or ice cream. Or...

Or her.

Adrien felt his throat dry up and he gulped down a thick lump. He allowed his mind to drift towards better memories, thinking of Ladybug and her gentle smile; of the way her slender arms felt when they embraced him, so comforting and warm, making him feel completely safe; of how she smelled of fresh spring flowers and rain, and of her sweet voice as she sang the tune he associated with unconditional love and acceptance because of his mother.

Unconsciously touching his cheek, he blushed as he yet again mentally replayed the moment when Ladybug had kissed him the night before and how it made his body feel like it was on fire. He caught himself wishing he would’ve been able to return the kiss, idly wondering how her soft skin would have felt against his lips instead…

His eyes flew open.

What am I saying?!

He shook his head quickly, having finally reached his chauffeur, definitively attempting to ignore the whirlwind of butterflies in his stomach as he entered the car and tried to mentally prepare himself (again) for the day ahead.

(Mood Music: Dance for Me Wallis - Abel Korzeniowski, W.E. Soundtrack

Ladybug ran across the rooftops, agitatedly searching for an elusive candy-themed akuma, whose presence only caused her stomach to growl that much louder.

Why does there have to be an akuma now ? It’s lunchtime!! Why does Hawkmoth want me to be hungry?! I just wanted my sandwich! Well, prepare to feel the wrath of a “hangry” Ladybug, you jerk!!

She swung across buildings casting worried glances down below. Left and right people had been turned into chocolate statues, which posed a major problem as it was a particularly warm day in August, so she didn’t have long before the the statues would begin to melt.

She needed to hurry and find this akuma.

Hearing a thunderous roar, she jumped down onto the pavement and sprinted toward the sound only to find the akumatized person pointing a humongous chocolate cannon at a little girl. Seperated from her parents, the girl screamed and ran, but there was no way she would be able to outrun the much larger man.

“Stop!! Don’t shoot, she’s just a kid!” Ladybug shouted, rushing towards them.

To Ladybug’s surprise, the akuma pointed its canon at the sky and fired. And yet it wasn’t a thick stream of chocolate as she had expected it to be.

“Are you serious?? Chocolate rain?! ” Ladybug huffed incredulously. Finally reaching the little girl, Ladybug pulled her close, spinning her yoyo upwards to shield them like an umbrella. She quipped, “Here’s how we’ll stay dry!”

“Then I’ll make others feel the pain!” the monster bellowed, conjuring up a wave of chocolate to ride on, using a gigantic chocolate bar as a surfboard, and sped towards a shopping center where people were still scrambling to evacuate.

“Hey, get back here!” Ladybug exclaimed, chasing after him. She called back at the little girl, pointing at a fabric store whose owners she knew. “Go inside that building over there with the blue sign! They’ll help you hide!” She watched flicked a glance over her shoulder to make sure the girl was heading to the building, then focused on the akuma.

Ladybug gradually closed the gap between her and the akuma, who was about a couple of blocks away roaring at the crowds. Before Ladybug could reach the akuma, something hit her hard from the side, sweeping her away and shoving her against the side of a building.

Wind knocked out of her and seeing stars, she barely registered what had just happened and struggled weakly to no avail. Thankfully, she’d managed to reflexively protect her neck from whatever hard metal weapon was pinning her down, which she subsequently tried to push away once she noticed its presence, but was too disoriented to succeed.

She groaned, blinking away the fuzziness in her vision and trying to identify her assailant. When she fully opened her eyes, she was met with a pair of bright green, iridescent ones, their unmistakable familiar glow sending a shiver up her spine.

“Chat…?” she rasped, aghast, feeling her stomach drop like an anvil. Staring wide-eyed and having been rendered speechless, her mind was filled with questions, but a single one stood out above all others.

Why?

Ladybug felt stupidly naive now, having let her guard down, foolishly inferring that just because Chat hadn’t shown up yet it might mean that her words had had an impact on him. How presumptuous of her to assume that with a few well meaning gestures she would be able to forge the beginnings of a friendship with someone who had been her enemy for years, how utterly arrogant she’d been.

She had tried so hard to not get her hopes up in regards to where Chat Noir’s allegiance would lie during the next akuma attack. And yet, now that that moment had finally arrived, she still felt woefully unprepared for the amount of hurt she was feeling.

Her chest heaved rapidly and she willed herself to fight back, desperately wanting to punch him, to kick him, to do anything other than to remain frozen under his grasp, and yet she couldn’t summon the strength. She knew she needed to. She had always been able to, putting aside whatever curiosity and worries she’d had about the boy under the mask to do her job. But for some reason this time was different. Had she compromised herself and her own competence in her ill-fated attempt to broker peace between them?

I can’t hurt him. I just can’t.

In the midst of her confusion, she began to plead hoarsely, “Chat, please, I--” But she was interrupted when he placed his fingertips gently on top of her lips. He leaned into her, the subtle yet alluring scent of leather and expensive cologne he always carried with him causing her insides to flutter. The world seemed to have stopped as he pressed up against her, and she could barely hear the commotion around them.

Chat Noir’s cheek lightly brushed against hers and she gasped softly, the confusingly pleasant contact producing goosebumps all over her body. He finally whispered, “The akuma’s in the mixing spoon inside his apron pocket. Watch out for his licorice net gun.”

He lingered for a few extra moments then pulled back, giving her one last indecipherable look, and as quickly as he appeared he was gone. Ladybug stood there, stupefied. All she could do was stare at him vaulting away like a shadow while everything else seemed to move in slow motion.

What the hell just happened?

The incident with the candy akuma was not a one-time occurrence. Chat Noir remained an indirect participant in the next few akuma battles, never staying in one place longer than it took for him to discreetly tackle or corner Ladybug, always making it look like they were fighting, and secretly whisper the location of the akumatized item, some advice or clue, and, on occasion, even a few words of caution.

But Adrien knew he wouldn’t be able to keep this up forever. His father had said little about it but Adrien knew that he had noticed, and his excuses about having previous commitments and lessons to attend, or claiming to be concerned about civilian safety (Gabriel had always disdainfully scoffed at his attempts to protect those in immediate danger) would not hold up much longer. It was only a matter of time before Gabriel became truly suspicious.

All he needed was more time.

Somehow, in the midst of his busy schedule and extracurricular activities, for the last few weeks Adrien had begun to secretly research and study as much material as he could about magical artifacts (scarce as said information was), hoping to find some way where he and his father wouldn’t be at odds with Ladybug anymore, and everything could be solved neatly and without violence.

So far there he hadn’t found anything even remotely useful, and his morale was running low.

And so Adrien found himself underground as he often did, clutching a bouquet of pink carnations and standing by the glass capsule (he refused to call it a casket or coffin) that his mother resided in. Harsh, bright, fluorescent lights illuminated this giant underground chamber, which gave it a cold, clinical atmosphere, almost like a hospital room.

(Mood Music: True Colors - Brooklyn Duo cover)

He stood there for a while, taking in her appearance. Since she'd fallen into a death-like coma, she hadn't aged a single day, looking as radiant and beautiful as ever.

Just like he remembered her.

“Hi, Mom,” he said, tracing a finger over the cool, hard surface, speaking quietly and reverently, as if anything louder than a murmur would somehow cause her discomfort.

“It’s so good to see your face right now. So much has been happening lately.” He sighed, then busied himself, placing the fresh flowers in an ornate vase that sat on the table, throwing away the old bouquet into the wastebasket underneath it. “Father’s kept himself really busy and I hardly ever get to see him, even less than usual. We’re like strangers. Sometimes I feel like the real Gabriel Agreste got abducted by aliens years ago and the one we have now is some nefarious martian doppelganger.” He finished fiddling with the flowers and leaned against the capsule, speaking casually, “I mean, you know how he is, he’s never exactly been a cheery ray of sunshine; he’s always had an ornery side,” he chuckled softly.

“But now he’s…” He groaned with a grimace and rubbed the back of his neck. “Now he’s like... a black hole. Not a single spark or hint of light in him anymore. And he sucks your happiness away if you spend time around him. I’m not sure how Nathalie can deal with him every day. I don’t really understand what’s happened to him after all these years. I mean, I know he misses you, like always. But there’s gotta be something more. And I…” He paused, shifting his weight uncomfortably. “I don’t think he’s doing so well. Health-wise, that is.”

Taking a deep breath, he continued, “I walked in on him once a while back as he was having one of his coughing fits and... I saw the blood on the handkerchief. I ran up to him and asked to take him to a doctor but he waved it off, claiming it was just an old stain. And yet, ever since that day, he started using black handkerchiefs instead. He won’t tell me exactly how using his miraculous against Ladybug has been affecting him, but I know this is connected. I don’t know how much longer he can keep this up.” He paused, biting his lip. “I’m really worried about him,” he finally said. He was silent for a few minutes, absentmindedly cleaning a few fingerprints off the glass with his sleeve, trying to keep himself from imagining two caskets side by side.

Never in his life had he felt such heaviness, such sadness, such weariness as the kind he’d experienced this past year. His relationship with his father had deteriorated far worse than he’d ever thought possible. Gabriel’s explosive, violent, and often unpredictable outbursts had everyone around him constantly on edge. And although Adrien would hate to admit it, he was almost afraid of being in his own house. It had gotten to the point where he’d begun wearing a snug leather glove while he slept, so that he would get woken up if Gabriel ever attempted to remove his ring. It hadn’t happened thus far, but one could never be too careful around him nowadays. Something had to change, but he didn’t know what it was.

“Anyway, sorry, enough about that. Ummm,” He changed the subject, scrunching his face deep in thought. “Oh! School starts next week, so that’s pretty exciting! I get to see my friends every day instead of once every few weeks. You’d like them, mom, I know you would,” he rambled excitedly. “I’ve talked about them before. Nino, Alya, and--oh, I think you’d especially like Marinette. She’s a very artsy person, like you are. And she’s super nice. I wish you could meet them all. Someday, maybe...” He smiled sadly, wishing with all his heart that that day actually would come, and yet his hope continued to dwindle

“Oh, and…” Adrien turned his head away briefly and almost winced, like a kid who was about to get grounded. “There’s… someone else I wanted to talk to you about. I don’t know if she counts as a friend yet, but I… I’ve been spending some time with- um, with L-Ladybug,” he stammered. “D-don’t get upset though! I’m just trying to figure out how to help you and not have to fight her. There’s gotta be a way to do both. I just haven’t figured out how yet. I know it would probably be easier to keep doing what Father says and just steal her miraculous, but after all these years it still hasn’t worked and I’m… I don’t...” he trailed off, struggling to find the right words and his hands curling into fists.

Damn it. Why is this so hard?

He let out a big, shuddering sigh, curling in on himself. “I’m tired of fighting, mom. I’m just tired.” He knelt down by his mother’s feet, wearily sagging against the platform and placing a hand on it.

A few minutes passed. Adrien’s thumb stroked the side of her capsule wistfully, imagining how things were many years ago. He would sit on a plush, fluffy rug leaning into his mother’s legs as she tenderly stroked his head while sitting on her favorite sofa, and they would talk for hours.

“I’ve been hanging out with her. With Ladybug, that is,” he finally spoke. “I’ve gotten to know her a little bit. And every time I’m with her, it just hits me that she’s just… a normal girl. A normal girl who’s been granted huge powers, but still, just a girl. She’s not some creepy harpy with fangs who’ll gouge your eyes out with her claws, like Father always made her sound like. She’s…” He smiled fondly, the smile reaching his eyes for the first time that day. “She’s kind of cool, actually. She’s so different from what I ever expected her to be. She’s kind and funny, very friendly, and she’s really prett-- UMM, I mean--” His head shot up, eyes popping wide open. “She’s, uhhh…! She’s pretty neat.” He cleared his throat and fought the urge to unbutton his sweater, since it had suddenly gotten very warm in this large, empty hall.

“Anyway, uh…” He coughed once and continued, “I know I can trust her. I just want us all to get along, and I know she does too.” The side of his mouth quirked upwards and he looked up at Emilie. “It’ll be our little secret, okay?”

He stood and laid his upper half on top of the glass, draping an arm across the capsule and setting his head down upon the cold surface; it was as close to a hug as he was able to get from her.

He looked upon her frozen features with a small smile on his face and said softly, “I love you, Mom. I’ll visit you again soon, okay?”

Adrien made his way down the long platform, finally reaching the exit. He took one last look at the end of the chamber, the bright green of the vegetation in the manmade oasis contrasting starkly against the greys and blacks of the hall’s beams, pillars, and walls. He flicked off the lights and exited, the loud creak of the metal door echoing across the hall, which then became a silent tomb once more.

[farquaadphillywrites]

title: goodnight & i love you

Sharing a cup of coffee. Or, the one about the morning after a fight.

1.4k words

teen & up audiences

Contains: hurt/comfort, the q word (reclaimed), brief references to homophobia but nothing too vividly described

I let myself get wayyy to carried away with this prompt lmao. It’s like 90% hurt/comfort and introspection, 9% misused italics and 1% coffee. oops.

link to prompt post

ao3 link

Phil was up before Dan.

This wasn’t particularly unusual, especially considering that Phil had fallen asleep long before Dan, but it was strange for Phil to be up this early. It was barely 8:00, and after the long night he had, his body felt stiff and unrested.

He was a bit surprised to see Dan curled up next to him, though he supposed he shouldn’t be. They hadn’t slept in separate beds after a fight in... a long time. After various tours where they were forced to sleep apart, they vowed never to take the simple luxury for granted. Ever.

And if he had actually wanted the time alone, he wouldn’t have fallen asleep under monochrome sheets.

Phil tried his best to be quiet when he got out of bed. It didn’t really matter since Dan was a heavy sleeper and was well used to snoozing through Phil’s clumsy movements around the flat, but Phil didn’t want Dan to see him like this, all groggy and heavy-limbed and snappy and short-tempered before he’d had his first cup of coffee.

It was too soon after their fight for that, and Dan deserved better.

So Phil slipped his glasses on and tip-toed his way across the room in a thin t-shirt and emoji pyjamas, willing his achy joints to be quiet for just a few more moments.

He gave one last glance toward his boyfriend wrapped in his NASA cat shirt and comfy sheets before opening the bedroom door and heading out toward the kitchen.

---

Dan awoke to an empty bed, which startled his drowsy brain.

His slight panic faded, though, when he smelt freshly brewed coffee. That meant Phil wasn’t still mad at him.

They went to sleep without saying goodnight or I love you, but that was mostly Dan’s fault. Phil was the first one to trod off to bed but Dan was the one who dismissively told him he should go get some rest and didn’t come join him in bed until he knew Phil would already be fast asleep.

Dan rubbed the sleep from his eyes and stretched his arms above his head. It was chilly in the room without Phil’s arms wrapped around him. Part of Dan’s mind tried to convince him to crawl back under the warm covers and sleep off the stress from last night for just a few more minutes, but all Dan really wanted to do was find Phil.

He swung his legs over the side of the bed and stood up. He stretched a bit more - he had promised himself weeks ago that he would start trying to fix his posture - but didn’t bother to pull a pair of sweatpants over his bare legs before leaving the bedroom to seek out Phil.

When he got to the entrance to the kitchen, Dan lingered undetected in the hallway for a minute, watching the light from Phil’s phone reflect off his glasses as he scrolled through social media at the kitchen table.

He took a minute to collect his thoughts before stepping further into the light of the kitchen, making himself known. 

“Hey,” Phil said, pressing the power button on his phone and setting it on the table. His voice was scratchy and a bit muffled, the way it gets whenever Phil hasn’t blown his nose after he’s cried. The realization that Phil had cried after he left for bed last night made Dan’s heart twist in pain, but he didn’t let it show on his face. This wasn’t about him. He owed Phil an apology, first and foremost.

“Hey,” Dan said. He moved to sit across from Phil. “I’m sorry I was an asshole.”

“You weren’t,” Phil said softly.

“I was. You’re allowed to say it. I was being an asshole.”

“You weren’t an asshole, Dan. You were just scared. And taken off guard. It’s okay, it happens to everyone.”

Dan huffed out a breath. He was getting frustrated again, mostly at himself. “I should have known.”

“You couldn’t have,” Phil replied instantly. Dan was jealous of how he was able to keep his voice so steady and reassuring, even on mornings like this one.

Phil continued, “There’s no way you could have known, not when I was actively trying to pretend like everything was okay when it wasn’t. I shouldn’t have let it build up like that. We both did things wrong, Dan.”

When he was done speaking, Phil nudged his coffee cup toward Dan. Before Dan even picked it up, he knew it was going to be too sweet for his liking since Phil always loaded his coffee up with sugar, but he took a sip anyway because he knew what this really was. It was partly Phil’s way of telling Dan to stop talking about this, and partly a peace offering. Dan was more than ready to accept both of these things.

Even though the coffee was much too sugary, Dan still relished in the way it warmed him to his core. When he put the coffee back down on the table, Phil’s fingers brushed over his. Dan looked down at where Phil’s hand connected with his own on top of the warm mug, then glanced back up and locked eyes with Phil.

His blue eyes were filled with so much tension and worry, it made Dan’s heart pang again. As much as Dan needed reassurance from Phil, Dan realized that Phil also needed reassurance from him. So he gave Phil a small nod. A silent we’re okay.

Phil’s foot brushed against Dan’s calf under the table. Dan’s leg hair had pretty much grown back from when he’d shaved it in Nevada.

That had been an interesting new experience for Dan. Both the trip and the shaving part. He felt so invigorated to finally be out, to finally feel free enough to express that however he wanted, to be able to grab Phil by the front of his shirt and kiss him right in the middle of the desert because there were no prying eyes to stop him.

It was like a breath of fresh air for Dan and he was excited to fully embrace himself as the queer man he was and to fully submerge himself in the culture that came with that - whether that meant being in a pride parade or shaving his legs or following drag queens on twitter.

Phil wasn’t the same.

He was much more casual about his sexuality, and that showed in every aspect of the way he talked about it. He wasn’t as interested in diving head-first into queer culture the way Dan was, but he would willingly stay up late and listen to him blither on about it until the early hours of the morning.

Phil’s nonchalance about his own sexuality sometimes made Dan forget that Phil’s journey with his sexuality wasn’t easy. That he had his own ups and downs with it, his own scary moments and tear-filled nights. 

Phil had plenty of wounds. Sometimes they still stung.

While it was cathartic for Dan to celebrate the wonderful parts of queer culture that blossomed after years of oppression and hate, for Phil, the constant reminder of the ongoing battle LGBTQ+ people had to face could sometimes, well...

It wasn’t that Dan was trying to push Phil. He wouldn’t do that, not about this. He just oftentimes got himself so deep in a topic wanting to experience everything it had to offer that sometimes his judgement got a bit clouded.

He didn’t realize that it would be so intense for Phil. That it would reopen doors to memories Phil was glad to have closed.

That Dan would cross a line without even realizing it.

Seeing Phil get hurt and knowing that he played a part in it only made Dan get scared and defensive. And nothing good ever came from that.

Phil smiled fondly from where he sat across from Dan, a knowing look in his eye at the fact that he had caught Dan spiralling in thought again.

“I should tell you something,” Dan blurted out as if he was just now realizing it himself.

“Hmm?”

“Goodnight,” Dan said. “And I love you.”

“I love you too,” Phil said slowly, going along with Dan’s antics as usual, but confusion evident in his voice.

“I didn’t say it to last night, so I’m saying it now.”

Phil let out a laugh at that, and Dan swore there had never a greater sound on Earth than that.

[luucarii]

With a Dash of Gin - Ch20

I still wonder how the hell I got past chapter 5, meanwhile we’re over here at 20.

Read on Ao3

Kokichi stared at his reflection in the mirror. Having just stepped out of the shower, his hair was still somewhat damp, the ends curling on their own. It was unusual to see himself in Rantaro’s clothes considering how big Rantaro usually got them. The striped blue long sleeve shirt he usually wore around the house extended to Kokichi’s thighs and seemed to cuff neatly above his knees. The sleeves were long and baggy on him and Kokichi was already in the process of thinking of a million different ways to steal his t-shirt.

With a grin to himself in the mirror, Kokichi began to whistle. He grabbed the towel Rantaro had lent him, flung it over his shoulder and stepped out of the bathroom. Most of the sisters had retreated to their rooms for the night save for Midori in the living room watching tv. Kokichi, assuming she didn’t want to be bothered, quickly ducked into Rantaro’s room and shut the door behind him. Rantaro, who was laying on his bed on his phone, looked up and his lips curved upward. He let out a tiny chuckle and Kokichi gulped.

“I didn’t think they’d be that big on you.” Rantaro sat up and crossed his legs, curling a loose strand of hair with his finger, “I still like it though.”

“Come onnnn Ranty, you’re seriously one of those guys that gets their shirts a size larger?” Kokichi tried to put his hands on his hips.

“I like to be comfortable.”

“I look like I’m wearing a dress!” Kokichi pouted and lifted his arms in the air, “and my arms can barely fit through these!”

Rantaro laughed and slid off his bed. He beckoned Kokichi with his finger to come closer and almost immediately Kokichi fell silent. He chewed on his bottom lip as Rantaro circled around the boy, humming to himself quietly before he gave an audible snap with his fingers. Rantaro stopped behind Kokichi and bent down and Kokichi covered his mouth, both to keep from laughing and to keep his face from flushing too much. He felt Rantaro’s fingers trailing around the end of the t-shirt and suddenly the shirt tightened against Kokichi’s body. It wasn’t overbearingly tight, it would obviously still be a bit loose considering the size after all. Kokichi turned his head back and saw Rantaro skillfully tying a knot. 

“…Thanks Ranty.”

Rantaro tightened the knot and stood up, responding with a smile before crawling into bed with a yawn. Kokichi leaped in beside him and settled himself under the covers with a childish grin. His eyes sparkled and Rantaro couldn’t help his snicker. He reached over to the side lamp and shut off the light, the room soon falling in near pitch darkness. Rantaro felt Kokichi shift closer to him and wrap thin clothed arms around his chest.

“I had fun today Ranty. We really should get everyone together like that again.” Kokichi hummed and giggled when he felt Rantaro running thin fingers through his hair.

“Yeah, I wasn’t expecting my sisters to like Shuichi and the others that much.”

“Well I mean, Saki was making fun of Shuichi a bit when we got home.”

“That’s just how she is though. Nobody apparently can reach her high standards.”

Kokichi’s voice dropped to a mumble, “I’m happy you and Midori are finally back to normal. Did you guys ever talk it out?”

“…No.”

“Rantaro.” Kokichi shifted his head up and Rantaro heard the disappointment in his voice.

“I know… I should’ve said something. Cleared the air with her…”

“But?” Kokichi sat up and Rantaro saw the faint outline of a frown on his face.

“I couldn’t bring myself to. I’m caught in between. I understand how she feels and hell, I feel the same way but I can’t just forget the years I spent with him. I don’t want her to think I’m on his side just because he’s our dad.”

“It’s gonna screw up your relationship with her. I’m telling you now.” Kokichi’s voice thickened and Rantaro caught a sense of familiarity, almost like he knew what he was talking about. 

“Kokichi…”

“Talk to her. Before things get worse or you’re gonna regret it.”

Rantaro sighed and Kokichi laid back down beside him, staring up at the ceiling. Rantaro shifted over and buried his face in Kokichi’s neck. Kokichi was still but after a few seconds his shoulders began to shake and a laugh rumbled in his throat. Rantaro perked up a bit and blinked at him confused and Kokichi exhaled.

“Look at me, trying to give advice.”

“You sound like you speak from experience.” Rantaro murmured and Kokichi turned his head and grinned. He had caught him in his attempt. It was a good attempt though, Kokichi wouldn’t deny. Talking about Rantaro’s somewhat shaky relationship with Midori and then transitioning to Kokichi and his sister (or basically anything about Kokichi’s family) would be perfect if Kokichi had not already lined himself with dozens of walls to prevent that sort of thing.

“You’re slick Ranty, not slick enough though.”

“Kokichi.”

He smiled and kissed Rantaro’s nose. “G’night Ranty.”

“…Night Kokichi.”

Rantaro always imagined Kokichi to be a restless sleeper, shifting and circling around in bed until he found a comfy spot to relax in for a few hours before the process would start again. To his surprise, Kokichi was quite calm while he slept. The boy was relaxed on his back, one arm behind his head and the other resting on his stomach. His breaths were short but quiet and he would occasionally mumble in his sleep. 

Being unable to sleep, Rantaro scrolled a bit through his phone and sighed to himself when nothing seemed to catch his attention. He knew social media was usually pretty dead around this time of night but he had hoped something interesting would have happened to ease the midnight boredom. With a sigh, he shut off his phone and slipped it onto the night table beside his bed. Shifting over to Kokichi, he smiled drowsily.

“It’s been nearly a month and I still feel like I know nothing about you Kokichi.” Rantaro worried for a second when Kokichi whined and shifted onto his side but relaxed when the boy continued to sleep calmly. “I’d never push you to tell me anything, not until you’re ready. But I feel like you’re hiding something way deeper than everything I’ve got going on with my family. …I still worry about that nightmare you had. I just hope you’ll come to trust me more Kokichi. I don’t want you to bottle everything up.”

When Kokichi remained motionless, Rantaro sighed. He leaned over and kissed the boy’s cheek before turning onto his side. It took a little bit but Rantaro was able to slowly drift back to sleep.

Kokichi, who had woken up slightly from Rantaro’s early shuffling on his phone, brought both his hands up to his mouth to muffle his breathing. His eyes squeezed shut as he ran over Rantaro’s words in his head.

“I don’t want you to bottle everything up.”

Don’t use my own lecture against me dammit.

Kokichi shook his head and tried to force him to fall back asleep but it was near impossible with the heat of fresh tears rolling down his cheeks.

[paradisobound]

Down By the River: Chapter 4

Summary: Dan Howell was isolated from the world. Living in a small town, the population only 750 and being in a high school where everyone knew your name and your history, Dan hated it. He wanted out. Nothing is going where he wants to in life. That is until he meets Phil Lester by random chance at a grocery store and Phil begins to show him all of the happiness that life can actually bring.

Word Count: 1.5k

Warnings: Mentions of a potential forced coming out--but it doesn’t happen!

A/N: Short chapter! but I wanted to produce an update! Expect chapters to be about bi-weekly now. It'll be at a more relaxed schedule but hopefully I'll still be regular in producing new chapters! Thanks for being patient and sticking around! :)

[READ ON AO3] | MASTERLIST

Dirt paths led to lines of trees on both sides of him. The sun was out now, allowing for him to leave his windows down as the lyrics of Pierce the Veil's songs flew out through the open glass into the air.

It was truly a beautiful day.

The drive to Marioneos wasn't very long but on days like today, Dan wished it was a tiny bit longer so he could just sit in his car and breathe in the fresh air as he drove carelessly around. But he knew his grandma would get worried if he didn't come right home from grabbing the pizza so he pushed that thought from his mind.

He eventually made it to Marianoes, parking his car in front of the entrance and leaving it running so he could run inside quickly and grab their order. He was so confident that he would be quick that he even left his phone plugged into the aux as he rushed inside.

The bell on the door rang as he pushed it open and was greeted by the familiar faces of John and his wife Tammy, the ones who owned this pizza place that everyone in town adored.

"Hello, Dan!" Tammy spoke as he walked up to the counter with his wallet in hand and a smile. He tried to ignore the pain in his lower back from him and Ryan's earlier activities and he hoped it didn't show when he walked. "How are you on this beautiful day?"

Dan shrugged. "Could be better." he answered truthfully. "What about you guys?"

Tammy smiled. "Business isn't as booming today but hey, can't win every day."

Dan smiled at her and nodded. She turned around to grab the pizza and wings off from the ready rack when the sound of the bell behind Dan made him turn around out of curiosity.

And a certain black haired, tall, man walked in that made Dan immediately panic.

It was Phil. He was wearing the classic Tops red polo with black slacks and he looked like he was either going into work or just getting done. He walked right up to the counter beside Dan and stood there, not looking like he was going to speak.

That made Dan panic more. Did Phil not recognize who he was? It was awkward. Dan didn't know if he should say anything.

Tammy turned back around just in time to slide his pizza and wings to him on the counter and tell him the total of $30 for everything. He quickly slid her his credit card and waited for her to process it, side eyeing Phil the entire time. He still seemed oblivious.

"Here you go, Dan!" Tammy said, passing him back his card with the receipt he had to sign. Dan quickly signed the receipt and was preparing to leave without another word when Phil suddenly turned and smiled at him.

"Oh! You're Dan! Oh my God, I'm so sorry I didn't say anything!" Dan turned and forced a smile on his lips.

"Hi."

Dan wanted to face palm. All he could really come up with was 'hi'? God, this was going awful already. Time to just move on and abort all missions of speaking with Phil and befriending him. He's made it too awkward.

"It's so nice to properly speak to you!" Phil continued. "Jason kind of described to me what you looked like but I didn't want to be weird if it wasn't you."

Dan just laughed...an awkward painful laugh.

"Same with you."

"Oh, gosh. I've made it awkward now, haven't I?" Phil asked, his face flushing red in a blush.

Dan shook his head, waving it off. "No...I kind of did too by not saying anything. It's fine...I'll text you later. I have...my grandma is hungry."

He quickly rushed out with the food and jumped into his car, running his hands through his fringe. That could not have gone any worse for their first encounter. Never in a million years could that have gone any worse.

Dan shook it off and out of his head, shifting his car into reverse and driving away, the food moving in the backseat.

“So Ryan,” his grandmother began as she laid a slice of pizza on her plate, “is one of your friends?”

Dan looked up just as he took a bite of his pizza. He shrugged. “Kind of?”

“I’ve never seen him around here before. Do you boys hang out a lot?” She pressed.

Dan wanted to lie. But he couldn’t. He wasn’t going to tell his own grandmother that he was sexually active with Ryan but he wasn’t gonna lie and say he doesn’t know him that well either.

“Sometimes.” Dan said, picking at the toppings on his pizza slice. “We mostly just drive around and hang out with each other in his truck.”

“Oh? Why don’t you invite him around more?” His grandma questioned as she took a knife and fork to her pizza, cutting off little bite sized pieces instead of lifting it and taking a bite. “From what I saw of him, he seems like a nice boy.”

Dan wanted to scoff. But he didn’t. He just smiled at her. “He’s alright.”

His grandma smirked. “Is...is he more than just a friend, Dan?”

Dan lifted his head up and stared his grandmother directly into her eyes. He was only out to the people he had slept with and Jason. No one else. So the thought of telling his grandmother he was gay was...terrifying. He wasn’t even sure if telling her at this moment was even the right time.

“No.” Dan answered truthfully. “He’s only a friend.”

“You know I wouldn’t care if he was more than a friend, right Dan?” She pressed, moving her hand to lay on top of his that was laying tense against the table.

“I know.” Dan did know deep down in his heart. But he wasn’t ready to say it yet. “But he’s not.”

They ate their dinner in silence and when they were done, they went into the living room where his grandma put on a movie and they sat and just relaxed on the couch. It was a type of bonding moment that Dan never really knew he needed until he had it.

When he went into his room for the night, he found himself on his phone, mindlessly scrolling through his social media pages. He had reached the end of the new posts on his facebook feed when a tiny little notification bubble popped up over the ‘friend request’ button on the bottom. He clicked it, and tried to ignore the fact that his heart flipped upside down--in a good way--at reading “1 new friend request from Phil Lester”.

Dan: Already adding me as a friend on Facebook?

Phil: Wellll, your name popped up as a suggestion so I figured it must be fate :P

Dan: Hm...don’t know about that.

Phil: Are you always so negative?

Dan felt his lips curl into a frown and his stomach drop. This was what he was afraid of.

Phil: I did not mean it like that! I promise! It was supposed to be more a sarcastic thing but I forget that my sarcasm doesn’t translate well over text…

Dan: I mean...I’m used to people thinking weirdly of me.

Phil: For what it’s worth, I can already tell you’re a really great person.

Dan: You don’t know that.

Phil: I just might!

Phil: Are you doing anything this weekend?

Dan’s heart fluttered. Was Phil gonna ask him on a date? What was happening? Were they rushing things? What even constituted as rushing things? He’s never been in a relationship before. He has no idea how any of this stuff even works.

Dan: I don’t think so.

Phil: Awesome!

Phil: The drive in’s are playing one last set of movies before fall begins. The movies were two I was interesting in so do you wanna go with me?

Dan, fully laying on his back on his bed, just stared straight up at the ceiling. This was totally a date and he didn’t know what to think. He’s never been asked out on a date before.

Dan: That would be cool.

Cool? What was he? A middle-school kid getting their first supervised date?

Phil: Great! We can text more about the details later! I’m exhausted so you’ll have to excuse me for going to bed this early.

Dan looked up at the top of his phone and saw the time read just a little after 9. Wow, that was early to be falling asleep.

Dan: That’s fine. Have a good night!

Phil: You too! Zzzz

Dan chuckled. He could already that Phil was different. Jason was right about Phil already and he had only just begun to speak with him.

That night, right after he heard the slamming of the front door followed by the hushed screams of his grandma and mother, he curled up and shut his eyes, thinking of what the drive in’s could bring for him.

A date to a movie with cheap, greasy food, and just him...and Phil...all alone in a car. He could definitely deal with that.

[nihilismdan]

we move lightly.

word count: 1,325 warnings: none summary: Dan and Phil enjoy an afternoon in the park with starbucks. ao3 link: [ x ]

i.

Some days there are meetings that stretch for hours on end, making Dan fidget in his seat, staring out a window just waiting to be released. Phil can always tell that Dan is getting a little bit stir crazy with the bounce of his knees shaking the table just a little bit, he places a hand on his knee every so slightly and smiles at him briefly. Dan’s knee stops shaking, the cool of Phil’s fingers in the gaps of his ripped jeans is enough to make him fully aware of his surroundings.

When the meeting does end Dan feels like he can breathe a little, his hand squeezing Phil’s shoulder quickly as they all pile into the lift. The cool October air is welcoming, it was always Dan’s favourite month for one reason or another. He likes that it’s starting to get cold and the feeling of community with different holidays approaching. He looks at Phil and smiles at him again, like they both have a special secret they’re not telling anyone. In another life, Dan would reach for his hand, in another life, he’d wrap his arm around him. In this life, Dan walks close enough to skim the back of Phil’s hand, he’s close enough to breathe in the cologne that Phil wears, and their shoulders brush, and it’s enough.

“I kind of want a coffee,” Phil says, as they wait to cross the street. There’s a crowd of people, shops putting up their Halloween decorations, the various coffee shop brands in people’s hands, but Starbucks will always be the dominant contender to Phil’s heart even if he does like Costa’s Ice and Frostino.

“Maybe we can drink it in the park?” While Dan did want to go home immediately after the meeting, the fresh air was doing him good, the sun was out but the clouds were rolling in, and the wind was starting to play with his hair a little bit but all in all it was a nice day and he wanted to memorialize it.

Some of Dan’s best days are ones that come unplanned, in a life where he liked to have a little bit of schedule, the days like today after a long meeting, getting coffee with his boyfriend and sitting on a park bench seemed pretty damn exciting and just the right amount of spontaneity for both of them. As they had gotten older it was small things like that: going to a movie half past two, trying a new Italian place at six, taking a walk in the park at eight with friends, or getting the traditional latte right now. After crazy traveling and book tours and stage tours they could settle down for a while and enjoy the rest of this day, in this moment.

ii.

“I ordered you the Maple Pecan Latte because I wanted to try it,” Phil hands Dan the cup of coffee. Dan shakes his head and laughs, bumping gently into him.

“You’re just using me for your own personal Starbucks agenda, I see how it is.”

They end up in Hyde Park, trying to pick the best bench and somewhat secluded area.

“What do you think of the taste?” Phil leans against Dan, they’re both kind of slouching into each other. It’s not quite as comfortable as their couch but they have a better view out here. Next time, Phil wants to bring bird seeds to feed the ducks.

Dan takes another sip and hands it to him, “It just tastes like milk and sugar,”

Phil hands him the Pumpkin Spiced Latte, and then looks at the cup again, “Wait, look how they wrote it,” he chuckles and Dan turns the cup a little to see and he snorts.

“Lame.”

“How could you say that? This is quality content, Dan.”

“Alright,” Dan says in that annoying voice that only Phil really finds endearing.

And for a while, they don’t talk. They don’t really say anything. They’re on their phones, scrolling through twitter and replying to text messages that were sent during the meeting. Phil reads emails and Dan turns the volume up on a video someone posted on Facebook and he reacts to it accordingly. He sends Phil a link to a facebook meme even though he’s sitting right next to him, there’s a feeling of contentment that surrounds them as they exist together.

Phil laughs at the video and Dan smiles hearing it again.

Dan uses his camera to take a picture of their feet stretched in front of them, the pond in the background is blurred but it’s a picture just meant for him, something for him to go back to when he looks through old photos.

Nearby Dan pays attention to children’s laughter, testing their brothers and sisters, they’re determining who’s the faster sibling, the couple looks at their children and shake their heads saying it doesn’t matter they’re all fast in their own way, and he makes eye contact for a second and just smiles, looking back at Phil who seems to be intrigued in whatever silent quarrel the ducks in front of them seem to be having. Phil video records the ducks and says maybe he’ll post it later, maybe he’ll keep that memory to himself, too.

Dan looks around them for a second, the family is gone and there’s human silence and the wind rustling the trees. He makes a bold move and rests his head against Phil’s shoulder, he scrolls through his twitter this way, and for a moment, they’re no one in this perfect little bubble. Phil wraps an arm around Dan and runs his fingers through his hair. Dan closes his eyes and savors the feeling, he could sit here for hours, but he’d feel more comfortable at home. Dan looks up at Phil and there’s a silent agreement. Home.

When they get up from the bench Phil looks down at his cup of coffee and only notices the warning on the cup. Hot contents.

Dan isn’t looking at him, he’s taking a picture of the pond one last time and Phil gets his camera out. “Hey, look at me and hold your cup up,” Phil angles his cup in a way, and Dan is so used to just reacting to Phil when he asks.

Phil takes a few pictures and only one comes out the way he wanted and he smiles to himself.

“What were you doing?” Dan walks closer to him and looks down at the photos.

“You’re hot.” Phil shrugs, and Dan blushes slightly.

“What?” Dan laughs.

“Here, I’m sending you the picture, and I take full credit for it, but you can post it.”

Dan’s phone buzzes and it takes him a second to understand what it means but then he rolls his eyes, but there’s the kind of smile he gets when Phil compliments him, and he doesn’t know what to do about it.

iii.

They’re laying in bed now, each on their own side scrolling through their different social media and Dan eventually scrolls through his photos again before he sleeps and looks at the one that Phil took of him, both the blurred one and the one where he’s just posing for Phil, and he smiles.

“I had a good day,” Dan says, putting his phone on the charger and turning to wrap his arms around Phil.

Phil cups Dan’s face and kisses him gently. There are days when it’s just business, and they make dinner and go off and do their own thing and it’s okay because they always meet up somewhere in the middle if not in bed, and then there are days like today where it’s nice to have the other there, existing together in silence with starbucks, benches, and ducks.

“I had a good day, too.” Phil agrees and he turns off the light, burying himself in the comforter and Dan, there wasn't much of a difference anyway.