#after l!fe rant

[ashiiixoxo]

if you dont think that the Hesperide uniform is hot, you haven't looked clearly at their uniform. I mean,, LOOK AT NOAH AND KATI,, AND SIAN AND CYRILLE.

honestly, we have to appreciate all of their uniforms because 🥵

[world-a-to-z]

How dumb I am to delete my afterlife account when I've just bought a package 😃

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I feel so dumb.

[travelling-on-the-octopath]

Okay so I have to rant about Gronder more because it's soooo bad?? Like we have Claude "CRUSH ANYONE WHO ISN'T AN ALLY/C A L M D O W N D I M I T R I," but we also have the Alliance and Kingdom instantly turning on each other because of one incident that was clearly just the Empire fucking with them WHICH YOU THE PLAYER CAN POINT OUT AND DIMITRI WILL LITERALLY AGREE WITH but nope still can't trust the Alliance (and also Dimitri has no doubts the Empire is capable of this but still says he never expected the Alliance to help them?? EVEN THOUGH CLAUDE LITERALLY DID HELP THEM BARELY A MONTH AGO??)! Like what?? And since we don't see Claude's side of things here it literally just looks like he was held at gunpoint by the writers to fight the Kingdom even though HE CLEARLY DOESN'T WANT TO, there's just sooo much dissonance going on it's crazy.

And then it doesn't even matter in the end because this doesn't even diminish Claude's trust in Dimitri later!! And Dimitri just helps Claude anyway in return!! SO WHY EVEN BEND OVER BACKWARDS FORCING CONTRIVENCES ON THE PLOT TO MAKE THEM FIGHT IF LITERALLY NOTHING COMES FROM IT?? (other than to have Claude trust Dimitri with his life despite having just fought on opposite sides and having faith in his recovery when so few others did... someone really wanted these two to have Something goin' on lmao)

It's just. So fucking crazy to me because Gilbert's first instinct to a mutilated corpse is like "So this is how the Alliance wants to respond to our request >:["

MY BROTHER?? IN SOTHIS??? CLAUDE WOULD HAVE JUST SENT A "Thanks but no thanks :P" BECAUSE. YOU KNOW. YOU DEALT WITH HIM. LITERALLY LAST MONTH. ????!??

The fact that Dimitri's probably pretty calm at this point has me laughing myself into pain. Like I think he's pretty much as mentally stable as when he's brushing off Byleth's hand during the Flame Emperor reveal; still spiralling, but single-minded and not in the mood for distractions. So for Claude to hover above him on this dramatic-ass, foreign-to-Fódlan white Wyvern and tell him to CaLM DoWn!!....it's comical. Claude my love what are you fucking talking about. You literally antagonized Imperial loyalists for him. Admitted to not wanting to fight him. What are you doingggggg

And like. As irritating as it is on Verdant Wind, it makes so much more sense; who knows what an army fighting under the Blaiddyd banner is willing to do for their murdered prince? Best not to try and work a tactic around allying with them when it could risk your army's ruination.

(Also just discovered that Hilda confirms it's actively foggy at Gronder, despite what Rodrigue said about not moving until it lifted. So. Uh. IntSys where the fuck was my fog of war? If you're gonna send Claude after my ass can you at least make it a surprise?)

It's absolutely wild to me that, in creating Dimitri to be a genuinely good guy who wants good things (and did several several bad things before realizing that), they couldn't . Uh . Naturally make Claude, also a good guy, his enemy. They had to use the miscommunication trope (my least favourite thing on planet-fucking-earth) to pit them against each other, and even then they're wondering why they're fighting while they're fighting!? They were a little more than neutral to each other when Claude helped them; when the kingdom army crossed into what was at the very least shared land with the Alliance to meet up with Rodrigue and secure troops, and nothing was done about that (the blue glow on Faerghus during FE videos does not include Ailell, so I'm tempted to say it's more Alliance land than Kingdom). Claude did the Kingdom at least one huge favour, if not two (not treating crossing into Ailell as an act of aggression and using that as a way of guaranteeing the Empire leaves them the fuck alone for the time being, because while it's ruining neutrality, it's making them even less of a threat to the Empire; enemy of my enemy is my friend type shit. THAT would have been the schemer the fandom loves to pretend exists, but antagonizing the weakest player on the board is. A shit thing to do. And Claude is not a shit guy.).

Back to the point: they were on the fast track to being iron-clad allies, WERE arguably allies (Myrddin), had an oopsie-daisy 🤭 at Gronder, and then did the whole "race across the country to save you/be saved by you" dance because....well. dimiclaude rights???? I suppose?

Like hear me out here. I would not be so fucking delirious over these two without Gronder. Because if it hadn't happened, it would have been a pretty neat "they fought a war together! They trusted each other with their lives! Allies as kings post-canon! Cool >:3" but NO they gave us "they worked together, were forced into enemies for a crucial battle, and despite (potentially) murdering all Claude's friends, he still has faith Dimitri will come back around, and banks his life on that faith." !?!??? LIKE THEY MADE IT. HIT A LITTLE HARDER? 😭 AND THEN CLAUDE IS ALL "Be nice to me when I come back, okay?" Completely serious, and a little hopeful; no jokes, no winks, just a nickname and a promise.

Like. Compare that to CF, where he's forced to either fuck off or die; SS where he's. well I don't know shit about Silver Snow Claude 😭; and Verdant Wind--HIS ROUTE--where he essentially does the same thing. What other lord is guaranteed their ending on another route? Literally none 😭 Rhea is touch and go as far as Lord status and routes go. EdeIgard and Dimitri kick the fucking can on routes not their own, but to win Azure Moon, Claude has to live, and he has to promise to come back. That is. Absolutely tomfoolery. What am I supposed to do with this IntSys? Not go stupid over it?

TL;DR: Azure Moon Gronder is fucking stupid once you strip away all it adds to the Dimiclaude dynamic. I'm not even saying that as a shipper. Without emotional conflict Gronder on Azure Moon is a fucking waste, and the fact that a mutilated messenger (when everyone on the kingdom's side is essentially like "Uh...yeah Imperial fuckery lol") was enough to make them literal enemies....insane. Out of this world crazy.

[whosaskingwrites]

See You Again (Tendou x Reader)

A/N: This was supposed to be uploaded awhile ago but first I got stuck on how to write it and then we I figured it out halfway through writing it the entire thing got deleted. So I prolonged rewriting it from scratch. So many other things went wrong while writing this too. But I got it done so here is the final product.

WARNINGS: Angst. One mention of abortion nothing to explicit.

Date: Thursday October 29th, 2020

Details: 7.1 pages 2,530 words

Theme: Stranger- when you get heartbroken you have the option of forgetting the person who caused the heart break as long as you say the word stranger with enough conviction while thinking about the person you want to forget.

Angst Masterlist

He was tired.

Visiting his old team had taken a lot out of him. It was weird not seeing you among the group. He missed your e/c eyes and how they always lit up when you saw him. How every time without fail you always hugged him and said hello reminding him silently that he wasn’t alone. How could he not fall in love? Soon enough word got out Y/n L/n and Satori Tendou the famous Guess Couple of Shiratorizawa Academy. While he was known for his guessing ability on the court you were know for your guessing ability in pretty much anything else.

You always knew just by looking how someone felt and knew what was wrong. You could watch the boys train and no matter what new tricks they tried you always knew what they were going to do. Hell you even knew Karasuno's every play as they made it despite all of this neither of you could guess what happened toward the end of the school year.

He thought about it a lot that moment he destroyed his own paradise watching tears well up in your eyes and roll down your face. He always remembered how Semi looked at him when you went to him for comfort telling him what happened. Semi still looked at him that way even though it’d been fifteen years since then.

“Excuse me sir…You look sad what happened?” He turned looking at the girl next to him. She was clearly a high school student a white blouse tucked into a black skirt. She wore black leggings and a simple pair of white shoes a grey jacket and a blue striped bow-tie. His eyes spotted the gym bag a pair of volleyball shoes dangled out very obviously well worn and he noted that the gym bag had Fukurodani labeled on the side.

“I let her go,” It was then he looked at the girl and he froze the high schooler in front of him looked like you s/c skin and slightly full cheeks, a nose that was curved just right l/c lips and big beautiful eyes. But what caused him to freeze was not the fact that the girl looked like you but she looked exactly like him as well.

From her long arms and tape wrapped around her fingers. To her wide slightly crooked smile the resemblance strongest in the girls dark red eyes and in her h/c hair that had fiery streaks of red running through it. It was then he realized that the girl in front of him was studying him much like he studied people during a match. She sat down next to him “Who'd you let go?” she hummed and god did it hurt him seeing the girl next to him.

Just as kind-hearted as her mother and insatiably curious like her father. She looked at him he hummed debating on how to answer the girl. “My paradise,” he finally settled on turning to stare off in the distance. “Paradise huh? Can you tell me about her?” She was attentive and didn’t push things like her mother. She was waiting for him to talk he sighed before opening his mouth.

“Well it started when we were high school first years…,”

He sat in class bored out of his mind. He watched the teacher easily predicting what they would do next as he kept up his mindless tapping against the desk. He wasn’t the only one bored of course but he was the only one crazy enough to do something about it. However, before he could open his mouth the door was thrown open.

A girl stood there panting heavily she had on the girls uniform black stockings and shoes a plaid purple skirt with a light purple blouse tucked into it. The white jacket over top and her purple bow tie. The girl jolted up looking at the teacher “I’m so sorry I’m late!” She pulled a pass out of her bag handing it to the teacher while he observed the girl. Now that he got a good look at her face, he saw she had slightly full cheeks, a nose curved just right, big beautiful e/c eyes with s/c skin and h/c hair held back by a distinct owl pin.

“Ah! So you’re the transfer student eh?” The teacher said while the girl blushed “um yes sir,” she said. “Well introduce yourself then!” The girl turned bowing to the class “Hello I’m the new transfer from Fukurodani Academy L/n F/n! I hope we can all be friends!” She looked up smiling while Tendou looked away. A new transfer huh?

“Eh!?” He was startled from the story turning to look at the girl on the bench. Her eyes were wide in wonder “You…you knew my mom!” She shouted in excitement and that confirmed all he needed to know. The girl in front of him was infectious in her excitement and he smiled “I did,” Perhaps in her excitement the girl had forgotten what this story was about so he decided to let her find out.

“Good morning Tendou-san!” Everyday like clockwork y/n's voice hit his ears as soon as he walked in. She always greeted him and for the life of him he couldn’t guess why when it came to her he couldn’t read her and guess her actions he just didn’t know. He decided it annoyed him enough “Why do you always greet me?” He asked suddenly placing his stuff down. Before placing his hands on the girls desk. She hummed as she looked at him “Am I not supposed to?” she questioned and he was confused “No one talks to me so why do you?” He narrowed his eyes at her and suddenly she giggled. It was light and carried across the room seeming to light up everyone who heard it.

“Because I want to be your friend Tendou-san!” he blinked. “Friend?” he repeated the word like it was a foreign concept to him. “Yeah friend! So, what do you say wanna be friends?” She held out her hand with a cheeky smile that he reciprocated “Sure. I hope you know what you’re signing up for,” He took her hand it was small in his own and he couldn’t help but notice that they fit almost like puzzle pieces.

“You were her friend? Mom never really talks about high school with me,” She sighed. “Said she’d forgotten most of it,” the girl clicked her tongue a habit formed from annoyance and one she’d picked up from her mother. “I believe her…whenever I ask, she always looks confused so most of what I know comes from Uncle SemiSemi,” He smirked at the nickname she really was his daughter through in through.

“You play volleyball?” He asked motioning to her bag. The girl brightened up “Mhm! I’m a Middle Blocker though my team gets upset when I guess block...It’s not my fault though! It’s instinct and I block the ball so I don’t see what the problem is,” A soft smile etched its way across his face when he'd heard that she guess blocked and was a Middle Blocker. “Why do you tape your fingers?” He asked and the girl hummed “I dunno mom tapes them. She said it’s because it reduces the risk of injury,” She raised her pointer finger scratching her nose slightly.

Then he noticed the necklace she wore it was a small eagle with a red gem clutched between its talons and he remembered that necklace. It was the one he confessed with during their second year.

“Y/n!” He shouted towards the girl. She spun around h/c hair fluttering around her as her eyes met Tendou's. “Yeah Satori?” She questioned as Semi left the conversation he returned to cleaning the gym while Tendou grabbed the team manager and pulled her outside. “Hey Satori what’s going on!” He let her go when they reached outside and he faced her.

He pulled out a black box while watching the girl she had a look of confusion it was something the two guessers learned early on. They couldn’t read each other but it never bothered them and made their days more exciting. “I wanted to ask you if you’d um…go out with me?” he questioned opening the box. Her eyes widened at the little eagle pendant and her finger brushed against the red gem in its claws. She smiled softly at it while Tendou waited for a response.

“Satori the gem it’s the same color as your eyes you know?” She stated looking up at him he blinked in confusion. She turned around lifting her hair up to show access to her neck “Can you help put it on?” He let out a sigh of relief and knew what she was implying.

He passed the cold metal across her neck and let his fingers lightly skim across the exposed skin. She shivered lightly at the touch and sighed as she let go of her hair. Letting it fall back to its normal length she turned wrapping her arms around his torso. “I would love to go out with you,” she whispered into his chest and suddenly a weight was lifted from his shoulders.

“That’s a pretty necklace,” He stated “Thanks…it was a present from my mom to celebrate me getting into Fukurodani Academy!” The girl chirped with a bright smile. “…What has your mom told you about high school?” She frowned and shook her head “Uncle SemiSemi told me mom doesn’t remember…because she used her stranger and since they were in most of her memories she’s forgotten a lot of high school,” His eyes widened never had he considered she used her stranger on him.

She forgot him on purpose after what happened he supposed he wouldn’t blame her. He almost used it himself in France but he always knew deep down he’d come back for her. He loved her after all but it seemed she didn’t believe the same thing but how could he have blamed her? He remembered that day well it was forever etched in his mind as the worst day of his life.

“Satori!” her sudden shout made him stop his rant about France and the wonderful time they’d have. He looked at her but she was already watching him her eyes showed she was afraid. The air smelled like rain and fresh cut grass as she stared at him. “I…I can’t go to France Satori,” she whispered and his smile fell “Why not?” he asked as she looked down.

“Satori…I’m pregnant,” she whispered it so quietly that he’d almost missed it. “I can’t go to France because we wouldn’t be able to support three people,”

Though that day may have been the worst because they argued he had been so angry that he doesn’t even remember the argument but he knows it was stupid. He knew from the moment he walked back into her dorm after the fight.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing here?” He paused in the door way his eyes meeting the cold ones of Semi Eita. “Semisem-,” “After what you did don’t call me that,” he paused mouth still open letting the words process before he formulated his own response. “She told you?” he sighed out. “Yeah she did. Telling her to get rid of the child so you could go to France together? What the hell is wrong with you?” He didn’t have a response he knew how bad that sounded.

Especially when someone else was saying it to him and suddenly the reaction of you immediately crying made since as he grimaced. “Well?” Semi stated arms crossed over his chest. That’s when he saw you laying down on the chair behind Semi blanket covering you and the little eagle plushie that Goshiki had bought you held tight in your hands.

“Please Semi I just need-" He tried appeasing the other male but Semi didn’t back down “You need to get your shit and get out. I'm not letting you be here when she wakes up even if I have to throw you out,” Semi snarled and he had a brief moment that Semi almost seemed like a dog protecting its owner from a home intruder. He knew he wasn’t going to win this and just sighed “I’m leaving for France tomorrow…Can you tell her for me?” Semi's eyes narrowed but he nodded and with that Tendou left the dorm hearing it lock behind him.

She never showed up that day and vaguely he wondered if she’d already forgotten him by then. “Hey mister um…,” He looked to the side the girl next to him was nervously playing with her fingers a habit he wasn’t quite sure where she’d acquired it though. You certainly never played with your hands when you were nervous and neither did he.

“What is it?” He asked softly and the girl looked at him again big red eyes wide in curiosity. “You…You know a lot about my mom don’t you?” He hesitated before nodding. “Then…Do you know my dad?” He flinched at the girls question “You don’t know who your dad is?” he guessed he shouldn’t have been surprised the team probably all knew you used your stranger and didn’t want to dig up unwanted memories.

“Well…Uncle Ushijima told me his name but they wouldn’t tell me anymore than that and made it clear that mom shouldn’t know,” he hummed and supposed that it was okay to tell her. “Tendou Satori,” He said simply and the girl gave him a confused stare. “Yeah I kno-,” “My name is Tendou Satori,” he said again and he watched the girls eyes widen “You’re my dad?” she asked. He could only provide a nod “What…happened between you and mom?” He sighed as he looked at her.

“I said some pretty messed up things the day she told me she was pregnant. In fact not a day goes by that I don’t regret saying those things to her…or trying harder to get past Semi and talk to her. I was an idiot and now she forgot me,” He looked off in the night the street light behind them blinked a few times every now and then the buzz filling the silence left behind.

“You know…Maybe you could try again?” the girl asked and he whipped his head towards her “What?” he voiced. “You could try and win her back again since she doesn’t remember you,” A car pulled up and he saw her stand up “Maybe I will,” he stated sending her a small smile. “Good but you better not hurt mom again!” he laughed then “I wouldn’t dream of it,” he saw Goshiki get out of the car to open the passenger door. He didn’t say anything to Tendou but Tendou saw the hopeful look in Goshiki's eyes and knew that the younger male was on his side.

“Before you go…what’s your name?” the girl turned to face him one last time and smiled. “Nara L/n,” Tendou smiled as the car left before he chuckled.

“Paradise huh?”

————————————————————————

Nara- means extraordinary blossom from paradise

TAGLIST- @wonhomarshmallow

[formulawee]

TW:CRASH

I feel like I need to make this post in the wake of Alex Lynn's crash last night (thankfully he was conscious and alert and has now been discharged from hospital) and how it was handled as it gave me flashbacks to Romain Grosjean's in Formula 1.

I am so grateful for Formula E to not show Alex's crash as it was horrendous (I'm on twitter, I've seen the video that's kicking about). I get that people will have wondered what happened and I understand that they hardly mentioned anything other than Alex was conscious, alert and was being taken to hospital for evaluation. Yes, there were some flaws to this approach in handling this situation but this response was a world away from what Formula 1 did in response to Grosjean's crash a few months ago where they CONTINUOUSLY showed the crash that was horrific after the race was red flagged.

Formula 1 showed a complete disregard to how traumatic the crash could be perceived by its viewers let alone how traumatic it WAS for the drivers who witnessed the event live. How they handled it seemed almost as if the replays were there to grab more of the publics attention rather than to report of the incident, and let's be frank, it was and it did.

Countless people have l already brought up what watching a crash like what happened in the Bahrain GP can have on people and their mental health and I understand that Alex's crash wasn't a severe are Romain's but there was such a stark difference between the media coverages and how they dealt with it.

Yes, of course, it could be that motorsport media coverage learnt from their mistake regarding the crash in Bahrain but FE was so much more respectful with how they dealt with it and I am so thankful for that. And I understand that F1 is in such a bigger spotlight than FE but it still doesn't mean that massive crashes that could have been fatal should be shown over and over again.

If anyone feels as if they need to talk/rant, my dms are open :))

Edit: There's now a video of the crash on the official FE socials.

TLDR: I much preferred how FE dealt with a severe crash than how F1 did last year/FE was a lot more respecting for a drivers condition in a severe crash.

[zhydoesart]

Liberal Alcohol and Loosened Tongues

Summary: Roman comes home late, incredibly drunk, and confesses a few things about and to his housemates he doesn’t quite mean to.

Warnings: mentioned alcohol, intoxication, kissing

Ships: romantic LAMP, in particular Logince and Royality and Analogical

AO3

A/N: I blame Thomas, I can’t stop writing the Sides. EDIT: I’m probably writing more in this universe, so taglist is open y'all :P

Logan sighed, glancing at his watch once more as he shut his book. “It’s almost half past ten. Where is he?” Their housemate Roman had a habit of staying out late, attending various parties, but he typically arrived back home before 9:45.

Patton lifted his head and opened his eyes. “He’s not back yet?” He blinked as his eyes adjusted to the light. He’d been napping on the couch, knees pulled up to his chest.

“That’s concerning,” muttered Virgil, looking up from his phone.

Just then, the door opened, and Roman entered, stumbling a little. He wandered over to Logan, and the darker-haired man was nonplussed when Roman leaned back against him.

Logan, usually so intelligent and eloquent, was at a loss. Neither his mind nor his thoughts would form intelligible words, far too distracted by the weight of Roman on his chest.

“Hey guys,” slurred Roman, but something about the way he spoke didn’t sound right.

Logan narrowed his eyes, regaining some control over his thoughts. “Are you drunk?”

“I mean… yeah?” chuckled Roman lazily. “Mayyybe I had too much to drink at that party, and maybe I’m kinda drunk, so what?” He leaned further back against Logan, unsteady on his feet as he wrapped his arms loosely around Logan’s neck. “You know what? I love you guys so much, I love you, and not just like as friends. I mean, you’re great friends but…” He giggled hysterically.

Logan was having some difficulty processing what he’d heard. He looked up and his eyes met Patton’s, who looked equally as shocked, and then Virgil’s, who appeared quite stunned. Nonchalantly, he wrapped his arms around Roman’s waist, hoping the others wouldn’t notice. He told himself it was just to make sure that Roman didn’t fall over, but deep down he knew that wasn’t why.

“It’s late, and you’re drunk. We should get you to bed,” reasoned Logan, “or you’ll be even crankier when you wake up. We can talk about this in the morning.”

“I am not cranky,” mumbled Roman.

“I’m gonna go to sleep,” said Virgil. “Night, guys.” He turned and walked up the stairs to his room, half in a daze as his mind worked overtime.

“Goodnight, Virgil,” slurred Roman, waving shakily.

Logan looked to Patton. “If I carry his torso, will you help with his legs?”

“Of course!” answered Patton.

Together they carried Roman up the stairs. The drunk man was complacent as they laid him on his bed.

Patton pulled up the covers, but as he turned to go, Roman’s fingers grabbed his wrist. “Nooo, stay, wanna cuddle with both o’ you.”

Patton exchanged a look with Logan. “Well, it couldn’t hurt, right?” Patton had already given in due to the pleading way Roman looked at him and the way he currently reminded Patton of a child.

Logan sighed. “Why not?” Logan gave in because it was far simpler to just agree with whatever Roman demanded, and as it was late, he didn’t possess the patience to deal with his whining.

Patton crawled over Roman’s legs to lay on his far side, and Logan climbed onto the closest edge of the bed. He stiffened as Roman wrapped his arms around him, burying his face in the small of Logan’s back.

“Patton, your glasses?” Logan asked, attempting to regain his composure as he held a hand out. Patton handed him his glasses, and Logan placed the two pairs on the bedside table. He loosened then removed his tie, Patton untying his hoodie in turn. Logan tugged on Roman’s jacket until he understood he should take it off, and then helped to pull it off.

—–

Roman woke with no recollection of the previous night and, luckily, not much of a hangover. He realized he was holding someone in his arms as said person stirred, and then realized it was Logan—what had happened last night? Why couldn’t he remember? He did his best not to freak out. After all, it was probably nothing, Roman! (But if it was just nothing, why couldn’t he remember?)

Roman observed his sleeping nerd. He was even cuter without glasses, and asleep, he seemed so peaceful. He wasn’t frowning for once, which seemed so odd, as it was such a common expression for Logan.

Wait… his nerd? That wouldn’t do at all. …he’d fix that problem later; for now, he’d rather continue to watch Logan.

Gray eyes opened, and Logan gazed blearily around, recalling last night and where he was. He turned his head and was surprised to be met with Roman’s green eyes so close to his own.

“Roman, you’re awake,” he said, flustered as he pulled Roman’s arms off him. “Well, I’m going to go get Virgil, and we can discuss last night.”

Logan put on his glasses and went to wake Virgil, and Roman blinked. “Wait, what happened last night??” Suffice it to say, Logan ignored him.

—–

To say Virgil was grumpy to be woken up would be an understatement. He’d hissed when Logan shook him, for heaven’s sake.

“Virgil, please. Roman’s awake, and we need to discuss last night.” Virgil’s eyes opened wider, and he yawned.

“Alright, fine, let’s go. Coffee can wait, I guess.”

When they returned to Roman’s room, both men were awake. They were still cuddling, but they had sat up. As Logan watched, Roman laid a kiss to the top of Patton’s curls, and the shorter man giggled.

Logan cleared his throat. “Now that we’re all here—”

“Hey, did you guys cuddle last night without me?” interrupted Virgil, mildly pissed as he recognized the clues (such as Logan’s tie on the nightstand), and Logan sighed once more.

“We did. It was Roman’s suggestion, and you’d already gone to bed. We didn’t want to wake you.”

“Oh.” Virgil deflated, shoulders becoming less hunched as his irritation waned.

Roman frowned. His idea?

“How much of last night do you remember, Roman?” The other three all watched him as he attempted to form an answer.

“I— none, why, what happened last night?” demanded Roman, baffled.

“You came home late, drunk,” began Logan, pushing his glasses back up his nose with a demeanor that screamed, ‘angry mother.’ “You leaned against me, wrapped your arms around my neck, and told us you loved us all as more than just friends. Patton and I carried you to bed, and you asked us to snuggle.”

Roman blinked. “I did what?” he asked nervously. Did Logan say he’d told them he loved him? That wasn’t how he wanted it to go. That certainly wasn’t how he’d planned to tell them, and he certainly had planned it; an awful lot, in fact.

“You said you loved us,” repeated Patton, playing with the ends of Roman’s hair. “You seemed to mean it last night, but what about now?”

Roman thought hard, eyes wandering. Certain things could make him happy every time without fail, like Patton’s laugh, and Virgil’s teasing looks, and Logan’s expression when he was confused. Whenever Patton made one of his godforsaken puns, and Virgil’s look of utter contentment when he was listening to his music, and the way Logan lit up when he was ranting about the beauty of the universe and his love for the stars; all of those things gave him the inexplicable urge to kiss them.

“I do, I do mean that. I love you guys.” He smiled warmly in response to his recollection and the memories that made him happiest.

“I do too,” Patton admitted with a touch of timidity, kissing Roman’s cheek. “You’re my fam-I-L-Y, I love you.”

Logan took a deep breath before speaking. “I’m not the most articulate when it comes to emotions, but I need you all to know that I feel much the same.” The corners of his lips curled up at the sight of Roman and Patton so affectionate.

They tried not to stare at Virgil, but the anticipation was strong. The emo bit his lip, and Logan, sensing he needed support or encouragement via physical contact, softly gripped his hand. Virgil nodded gratefully in his direction.

Finally, he blurted, “Okay, yeah, I really like you guys too.” His face was pink. “There, I said it, happy?”

Patton squealed. “So it’s completely mutual?!” he beamed. “This is wonderful!”

Roman’s eyes sparkled, and he stood, pulling Patton up by the hands to join him. “Wanna go sing some Disney duets with me? Dance a little?”

Patton practically glowed, he was so exhilarated. “I’d love that!” The enthusiastic duo ran off towards Roman’s room.

Logan shot a knowing glance at Virgil, who returned it. “Let’s go get our coffee.”

“Finally,” agreed Virgil. “I could use it; not having it this morning certainly didn’t help my nerves.” The more subdued duo headed off to the kitchen.

—–

Roman set up the karaoke machine. This karaoke machine, however, had solely Disney songs, because that was just the kind of person Roman was. He looked pleadingly at Patton.

“I know I said duets, but Mulan first?” Patton sighed playfully, only mildly exasperated.

“All right.”

Roman launched into an energetic rendition of I’ll Make a Man Out of You, and Patton fondly watched his… boyfriend?… sing along at the top of his lungs. When that song was over, Roman put on A Whole New World. Patton sang for Jasmine, and Roman sang for Aladdin, and they were both overly dramatic in their rendition.

Beauty and the Beast’s instrumental track came on not long after, and Roman held a hand out to Patton.

“Dance with me?”

Delighted, Patton took his hand. “Of course!”

It was kind of a funny sight: Roman, the tallest of the group, dancing with Patton, the shortest. Despite the height difference, the two still looked right together, somehow. Maybe it was the love in their eyes.

Not only was Roman slow dancing perfectly, not missing a single step, but he also sang along to the instrumental. His voice was like silk, deep and smooth, like chocolate for Patton’s ears. As they danced, they were unaware that they drew closer together until their foreheads touched. Roman sang the last line, and Patton suddenly felt the atmosphere in the room change.

Roman ran his thumb down the line of Patton’s jaw, gazing with his beautiful leafy green eyes into Patton’s ocean blues. His line of sight flicked down to Patton’s lips, and then back up to his eyes, and Patton understood. He gave a small nod and a quiet smile, and Roman grinned back.

Gently, he pulled Patton’s face to his, guiding him forward until their lips met. Patton’s hand went to Roman’s neck, the short hairs there tickling his fingers, his other hand gripping Roman’s arm, while Roman’s hand was on Patton’s waist as he drew him closer.

It reminded them of sitting in an armchair by a warm fire, the coziness of the armchair due caused by Patton’s soft enthusiasm, while the warmth and intensity of the fire were because of the amount of pure passion Roman was channeling. Their lips brushed together again and again, sometimes soft and gentle and other times ardent and eager.

They pulled away, breathless. Patton was in bliss. This was the best day ever, he could hardly believe it was happening to him. He’d just kissed Roman freaking Woods, and they were together? Maybe? The only thing that could make this day better is if he got to spend time with Virgil and Logan too, but the day was long and they’d have plenty of time for that later.

For now, Patton gazed happily at Roman, taking in his now slightly ruffled appearance, and Roman gazed back at him, eyes filled with tenderness for the smaller man in his arms.

—–

Logan tried to focus on his book, but all he could think about was the delicious smell of Virgil’s coffee. They both had coffee in the mornings, but they preferred different brands, and while Logan usually didn’t stray from his brand, he was curious about Virgil’s. He lowered his book.

“I must admit, the scent of your coffee does intrigue me,” Logan remarked. “May I have a taste?”

“Yeah, alright,” said Virgil, but, in an uncommon rush of confidence and a surge of adrenaline, and instead of simply handing Logan his mug as Logan had expected, leaned over and kissed him.

The interaction only lasted what must’ve been 3 seconds, but Logan was dumbfounded. He touched his lips absentmindedly, but then a mischievous smirk appeared on his face. Logan slid one arm underneath Virgil, between his legs and the armchair, and one around his back, and, ignoring Virgil’s many protests, picked up and then set the emo down in his lap so that Virgil sat sideways across Logan’s thighs.

“Wh-what?” muttered Virgil, terribly aware of Logan’s arm around his back. He could still feel the phantom warmth of Logan’s other arm under his legs, and his face flushed the color of a strawberry.

“Shhh,” murmured Logan into Virgil’s hair, definitely not taking great pleasure in Virgil’s embarrassment and the way that simple sound covered Virgil’s skin in goosebumps. His face got closer to Virgil’s, and their noses bumped. “Close your eyes,” he whispered, and Virgil did, and then they were kissing.

It was like a wave crashing forcefully down upon a rocky shore, but Virgil didn’t know who was who. Logan’s fingertips trailed across his skin, leaving tingles wherever they touched. He was lost in the movement of their lips, his fingers curled in Logan’s hair, eyes closed. They only pulled apart when Virgil’s lungs began to burn from lack of oxygen.

“That… was intense,” he said, trying to catch his breath. He didn’t even notice that his fingers were clutching at Logan’s polo for dear life.

“It was,” replied Logan quietly. He thought he’d never get used to the lack of control associated with kissing, a thing he both enjoyed for its rarity and loathed as the control freak he knew he was.

Someone wolf-whistled from the hallway, and Logan knew who it was even before he looked. Roman stood on the other side of the open doorway, waggling his eyebrows suggestively.

“Roman, with all due respect,” stated Logan, “fuck off.”

Roman did that exaggerated scoffing noise he made when “offended,” but left all the same.

Logan turned back to Virgil, who now had a sufficient amount of oxygen back in circulation in his lungs. “Want to do that again?” he offered, voice low and almost husky in a way that made shivers run down Virgil’s spine, and he shuddered at the tone. Even so, the shorter man nodded eagerly (perhaps a little too much so), and they both leaned in again.

—–

general taglist:

@moxiety-my-love

[connor-murphy-trash]

High school production of Newsies

Okay I just saw a local high school preform Newsies and I LOVED IT. It was so good and professional and here are some of my thoughts from it;

Crutchies fall at the beginning was so believable, like if I didnt know it was going to happened I would have freaked

Jack and Crutchie singing Santa Fe was amazing and they blessed my ears

Carrying the Banner was amazinging as always and I am officially even more in love with Race because the girl who played him was s o g o o d

The dancing was great for being in limited space and being in a high school

Davey was hella sassy and I was L I V I N G

Like hes not sweet and innocent like Ben Fankhauser plays him

He has attitude and I love it

The girl who played Les was great and had a super nice voice

Also I though she was max 11 years old

But apparently shes a freshman

So she was v smol and adorable as Les

Pulitzer looked shockingly similar to the actor that plays him in Newsies Live

As they walked into Meddas theater they were playing the tune of My Lovey-Dovey Baby from the movie and I almost died

The girl who played Medda also played Finch

And she had such a good voice like wow we stan a queen

Katherine was amazing

She had the perfect voice and was amazing at acting

She added so much sass to Katherine

Like even more than Kara Lindsay does

The set changes were great

Like ya know those metal things they climb on in newsies live? The ones that move around the stage?

Well they had more of a DIY version of those that just were at the back of the stage the whole time

And they had projectors just like Newsies Live and they would change the pictures on them to set the scene

Like I know that's not a big deal

But shout out to whoever controls that shit

Also shout out to the orchestra, they did amazingly

The girl who was playing Katherine got fucked over because her mic kept popping all through Watch What Happens

But she powered through anyways

And she was amazing and so in character the whole time

The fight after Seize The Day had me shook™

Like everyone was all over the place

And the punches and stuff looked so real

I flinched at a few of them

And dont even get me started on how amazing Jack was when he sang Santa Fe

The raw emotion was so heart breaking

His voice cracked a few times and he didnt quite hit the high note at the end but it just added to it all

Honestly I would not be surprised if he makes it to Broadway

Or the girl who played Katherine

Or Race

Or Medda

Like they all were so fucking good

King of New York was epic

When Katherine first came out in the start of act two

You could hear her tap shoes

And I got so fucking excited

The dancing was perfect and they kept a lot of the original choreography

Specs tap solo on the table wasnt in it tho and I was v sad

Letter from The Refuge was a tear jerker

I didnt cry

But I fucking wanted too

How he sang it was kinda different than the actual show and I love that he put his own twist on it

"Go AnD lOoK iT uP tHe PoOr GuYs HeAd Is SpInNiNg"

We stan Davey so much oml

Everytime Pulitzer would yell or raise his voice I would flinch a little bit

Apparently all of the Oldsies were played by teachers

All do respect, but I do NOT want him as my teacher, nope, no thanks

But he played the part SO GOOD

He had a slightly higher voice than I was expecting but it was still great

I'm always a slut for Spot Conlon

But he was the only one who was dressed in red for Brooklyns Here

So it just seemed like he was the only one from Brooklyn

Also he was kinda tall

I was hoping for the ironicness of "dem Brooklyn boys is big" *out walks tiny ass Spot Conlon* like it is with Tommy Broco

Normally I feel like Jack and Katherine's relationship is forced a bit because ~Disney~

But it felt so real between them

Like throughout the whole show they had chemistry

And the kiss and Something to Believe in was GOALS

Like they are the cutest

The key change in once and for all of course cleansed my soul

As it always does

When Roosevelt shook Jack's hand he instantly went over to Katherine to fangirl

Davey was a complete after thought

Also Roosevelt was wearing a huge top hat

And he took it off and put it onto the desk and the first thing Spot did was put it on and make weird faces

The finally was amazing as always

And everyone dancing was so perfect at the end

I could go on for HOURS about how talented these kids are

But I think this is where I'm going to end this shit because I'm ranting

Moral of the story, no matter who's putting it on, go see Newsies

I'm still shook and I saw it 9 hours ago

Also I am so sorry if I left anything out at all haha

I'm just so hyped

Low key I might go back tomorrow just to see it again

Oops haha

[mysterylover123]

MBTI’ing the OTP: Anime Edition

mysterylover123

I did a presentation on Funky MBTI on the MBTI’s of my ships. Since Charity doesn’t allow Anime, however, I’ll need to do a separate post for my Anime OTP’s. Basically, for Valentine’s Day I’m writing about the MBTI types of my favorite pairings and how they match up. And of course, as always, these are just my ships; don’t like, that’s fine. It’s all opinion. So here we go: Anime Edition

Fullmetal Alchemist Edward/Winry INTJ/ESFJ

EdWin is an unusual ship for me, as I usually pick pairings that have at least one function in common. Edward & Winry are opposites but boy do they ever attract. He’s a forward-looking, logical and occasionally insensitive genius; she’s a brainy, caring and emotionally savvy engineer. They’re childhood friends who bicker and banter a lot, and are pretty much perfect for one another in every way.

Code Geass: Suzaku/Lelouch: INFJ/INTJ

Suzalulu might be my favorite Slash pair of all time. I’ve never shipped anything so quickly. Childhood friends turned rivals and perfect foils. I haven’t officially typed Suzaku yet for myself, so I’m a little uncertain of his type here. But I could see them both as Ni doms - forward thinking, intuitive and impossibly stubborn. They have different attitudes towards morality - Suzaku conforms his ideals to fit more with situations and Lelouch obeys something from within more. But both have so many plans in common, and I just wish they could’ve cooperated sooner.

My Hero Academia: Katsuki/Izuku - ESFP/ISFJ

I have so many HeroAca ships I could rant about them for hours. I’m picking Katsudeku to talk about here because it’s my favorite, though. I always come back to this one, no matter what other fun pairings the series teases. They have contrasting functions, but similar orders for them. ISFJ/ESFP is a relatively frequent romantic match in fiction. Both sensing dominants, primarily emotionally driven, with tertiary thinking functions. They have such a similar approach towards life in that regard, yet one that’s also opposite. Perfect for foil/rival characters.

Dragon Ball Z: Goku/Chi Chi (ISFP & ESFJ)

Fairly similar MBTI makeup to my last one - SP and SJ, inverted functions. These two are emotionally dominant, Fi and Fe, with sensing functions to follow. Like pretty much all of my anime OTPs, these two get a lot of shit from the fanbase. I don’t have any logical reason why I like them, I just do. They’re such a weird mix but damn if I don’t melt when they get engaged in the ring of the World Martial Arts tournament or reunite after one of their countless death-related separations. Also they’re cute together and socially awkward. My kind of couple. 

Death Note: Lawlight (L and Light) INTP & INTJ

I’ve only seen a couple of INTP/INTJ combos as pairings, but there’s definitely an intellectual electricity to this type of combo. Lawlight is that classic dark anime rivalslash pairing, one that’s a strange tragic mixed in with the intellectual challenge of archnemeses. The Holmes and Moriarty dynamic. L is easily one of my favorite anime characters and his dynamic with Light is very much the heart and soul of Death Note. It’s also the only pairing I’ve ever written fanfic about, so obviously it just grabs me.

Neon Genesis Evangelion: Kaworu/Shinji - ENFJ/ISFJ

Kawoshin is one of my favorite canon slash pairings - it’s a tragic one, but there’s just this electric chemistry that comes on screen whenever Kaworu appears. It’s my favorite thing about Eva, the plot twist of Kaworu’s nature. Both characters are high Fe and as such connect really well verbally; they fuss about one another a lot and aren’t shy with the compliments. Shine is naturally more cautious, Kaworu a more philosophical big picture thinker. Lends their dialogue a certain poetry.

Naruto: Naruto Uzumaki/Sakura Haruno (ENFP/ESFJ)

This is my most recent one. It took me a while, but I fell in love with these two. MBTI-wise: ESFJ and ENFP share the same NS functions - Ne/Si, just in different orders. An Ne-dom can help ESFJ loosen up a bit; while higher Si can help ENFP be more responsible. Fe dom and Fi-aux can help each other too, with the Fe’s emotionally supportive and caring nature helping the Fi open up and feel comfortable, while the Fi’s stoicism helps the Fe feel reasured. We see this in their good friendship and strong supportive bond. I am so devastated these two don’t get together, ya’ll don’t even know. 

[sillyfudgemonkeys]

so apparently P5R just usurped P4G and is now the best selling Persona remake/remaster/whatever; how do ya feel?

Dunno why I didn’t see this, phone’s not giving me updates it seems. ;w; Anyway.... Short Answer: Meh, I really don’t care, I’m more interested in Scramble/Strikers numbers. Long answer tho....(gonna be long, not a rant just I’ve had A LOT of thoughts about sales numbers since P3/5D’s and PQ2′s releases).

I’m not surprised, I mean it’s a remake on a mainline console, combined the fact that it was popular too (I’ll come back to this when I talk about the other Persona games but for now put a pin in that). But there are two things I’m more interested in, 1) P5R’s lifetime sales, and 2) Scramble/Striker’s numbers.

1) Will possibly show how many newcomers we’ve retained. And I’m interested in that because....P5 sold a few million right? If Atlus can retain that that’d be amazing! We won’t know till the Western releases tho. But if it doesn’t, and sells say.....as much as P4G’s life time sales, then....all P5 did was retain the hardcore original audience, it didn’t win over as many new people as we thought it did. Which isn’t a failure, but it’s.....a crude way to say it (sorry I just woke up words are hard), it’s that P5 isn’t as really as hot shit as we all thought it was (and it probably just sold well due to timing and crazy marketing). 

2) What I REALLY want to know is P5S’ sales tho, even more than P5R’s. Since I think that might indicate P5′s standing if it’s as much as a fan favorite as P5 vanilla′s sales show. And it might be the first time we have a clearish answer without any other possibility being the reason for sales numbers. Lemme explain, P5R might do well because is a mainline game instead of a spinoff (but it could do meh compared to P3P and P4G in terms of lifetime sales due to the new comers not wanting to rebuy the game for whatever reason: Same console [which is a double edge sword, PS4 is popular but also people might not want to buy the same game for the same console twice], not worth the price, not enough new changes in their eyes). P5D did poorly, but is it because it was just bad, was it cause of the shitty DLC practices, was it because it didn’t have a lot of content (aka no real plot like P4D)? We don’t know. PQ2? Was it cause it was bad, was it cause it was released on a dying console (as opposed to PQ1 being released at the peak popularity of that console), was it on a console that P5 was it released on, was it cause it featured P3/4 cast and it was aimed at P5 audiences who have no idea who those people are? We don’t really know (this one is probably the dying console tho, which means could it have done well/better if released on the Switch instead?). Did both do bad cause they weren’t really sequels (both technically take place during P5 so yeah)? But P5S? It’s releasing on two very popular consoles, and it’s set as a sequel, so far doesn’t look like there’s a lot of scummy practices going on, actually looks like it has content (so if there are some scummy DLC practices, at least that’s not the ONLY thing you can think about, like with P3/5D). It has A LOT going for it in terms of a spinoff, that even non hardcore/new fans can get into. And I want to know what kind of impact P5 left on the fanbase as a whole and so far it’s not doing so hot spinoff wise (maybe anime too, when the anime was still in the middle of it’s run it wasn’t doing as hot as P4′s first anime or P3′s movies....at least sales wise I found, but that was in the middle maybe it got better), merch sales are probably doing fine tho (since they keep announcing new things). So to me P5′s......all over the gd place. 

tldr; I think P5S will show us a decent idea on how P5 as a series is doing compared to P3/4, it started off strong with it’s main game but has struggled with it’s spinoffs which might be because of other reasons than people just being “meh” on it. P5R will be a good chance to see how many people stayed. 

Now let’s look at the other games. You should know, considering hurdles P5 didn’t have (except maybe P3P, but on the other hand it probs could’ve excelled more on a home console), the modern day Persona games (Tadashi/Old games got screwed and I’ll explain but it’s probably for the same reason as PQ2, or at least for P2EP) did well despite these hurdles, well both original and remakes but I’mma focus on the remakes (all you need to know about P3 Vanilla and FES and P4 vanilla is that they were both released post PS3 and/or towards the end PS2′s life cycle and still did great).

Now P3P probably had the easiest, released during a very popular time for the PSP, and it ended up selling better than EITHER of it’s two PS2 counterparts Life to date (now if you cheated and combined Vanilla and FES, then yeah P3P sold 80,000 less than those two/all their versions, but that’s 2V1 and it’s still amazing how well it did).There was def an uptick in sales, maybe it was all newcomers or maybe it was half old and half new people, but it still resulted in more people buying it than it’s original (which is why I still wanted to talk about it despite it not having the same hurdles as P4G). 

P4G however, that’s where the biggest hurdle comes in (and why I really bring this up). The Vita. A console that sold peanuts compared to the PSP, PS2, PS3, and PS4. No, less than peanuts. 10/15 Million compared to the 80-150 million the other 4 ranged from. I mean yeah a million is a lot, but now you need to market to those million, no, you need to get people to BUY this console first (it was released roughly when the Vita dropped). You need to convince people to ditch their PSP, for a console that isn’t backwards compatible, for this semi-obscure Japanese title. But god damn it did, it almost got all it’s sales from the PS2 back. Hell it exceeded it’s original run L-t-D if you don’t count “The Best” re-releases (Vanilla’s cheaper re-release sold more than P4G’s cheaper re-release). I don’t know if these are also new people, or all hardcore fans, but it did really damn well! It got people hyped and it got people to buy this game AND console! (tho I wouldn’t be surprised if it was at the sacrifice of poor P2:EP, may you rest in peace ;w;). And that was a BIG hurdle for it to overcome! 

Like P3P and P4G really make me wonder how well they’d do with a real remake on the PS4/PS5. Like a port would probs do well, but imagine if they actually improved the graphics and changed/added new things, I think it’d sell about as well as P5 vanilla. 

P5R’s biggest hurdle is justifying itself as a full price game remake on the same console. But like FES could do that (so I think P5R’s outlook is fine, no real hurdles like P4G had to go through)....and just for fun cause I hate myself (jk I dunno I just wanna see if I can take a guess at JPN’s possible sales based off of numbers of past re-releases). And FES’ first week compared to it’s vanilla is 10% higher than Royal, but Royal has more units sold obvie, FES sold about 80% the total the vanilla did, Royal did 70%, L-t-D for FES was 78% not counting cheaper-re-releases, 82% counting re-releases...but I think that’s because P3 Vanilla didn’t have a re-release cause of FES. If I use that as a base.......P5R’s numbers (going off of the graphs from Personacentral like this one and of course the P5R one, which I think are all Japanese sales). If P5R follows a similar patter to FES’ sales %.... I’ll give P5R 72%-82% of Vanilla’s sales (including the cheaper re-release), and we’re looking at maybe L-t-D sales of Royal ranging from about 334,955 to 381,476 units sold. 

If Royal follows a similar pattern to P4G however (cause P5R is more similar to FES and P4G, I’ll do P4G’s too for fun, but I won’t do P3P’s). So there are two life to date numbers, one before factoring in P4/P4G’s re-releases and one after. Before P4G sold about 111% more than vanilla, after re-releases it sold about 96% of Vanilla’s total units. So a low ball and high ball of Royal with P4G’s % would be.....446,606 to 516,389 units sold. 

So combining those two together, I predict (aka this is a theory that I wanted to do for fun for WHATEVER reason, made by someone that JUST woke up and trying to get my math out as quickly as possible, maybe if I have time next week I’ll go back and check my work....I’m very busy this week sadly ;w;) P5R’s L-t-D (pre- cheaper re-release)sales to be somewhere to be 334,955 to 516,389 for Japan. 

But that’s Japan, Japan it feels like they’re more willing to re-buy games on the same console, the West might not be as inclined tho (if we re-buy something, it’s because it’s on a different console). So while P5R could sell about as well as Vanilla did in Japan, I dunno so much about the west. 

tldr; P5R did about as well as I thought in Japan, but not sure about the West. Some number predictions for P5R. If P5R does poorly in the West it could be because it’s was released on the PS4 instead of a different system. P5S I think will give us a better idea on how P5 is doing as a franchise compared to P4.

(also I should note, I prefer vanilla P4 over P4G, there’s some good stuff in P4G, but 1) I prefer Tracey Rooney as Chie, I prefer her down to earth approach more, and 2) there’s some things in P4G that ruins my enjoyment and outweighs the new positive stuff. I like all the remakes barring the guy who directed P4G/P5R, I haven’t finalized my thoughts on P5R yet tho. I do like Kasumi more than Marie tho just on a personality level, still thinking over how they handled her tho. I will say P5R has a lot of gameplay improvements that fixed a lot of gameplay gripes I had so like that’s all I feel like saying/can say about P5R, gameplays better!). 

[achaoticeternal]

From Past to Present

Request: Hi there! May I have a Jack Kelly (Jeremy Jordan) x reader where he's 17 and she's 15 and she's a mother to everyone at the refuge. Jack fell in love with her when he was at the refuge and still talks to her when he brings the refuge food and water and stuff like that. He thinks the reader grew up too fast, and tried to get her to be happy again? At the end he tells her the refuge was shut down and they kiss? I'm sorry this was so long 😣😣

A/n: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh! I loved writing this yesyesyesyesyesyes

Warnings: one curse word? this is like 1500 words :)

Tags: @last-an-eon @helplessfor-fictionalcharacters

(Y/N) has had the pleasure of knowing the infamous newsie, Jack Kelly, since the moment he first entered the refuge. His mother had just passed and his father was thrown into jail and he was 12 years old, 2 years older than her; that’s the extent of what she knew when he came into the refuge. She was 10 and an orphan, but in the refuge because Synder found her walking aimlessly one night and threw her in there for loitering. 

So even what little time (Y/N) spent in the refuge before Jack came, she had already made a name for herself, like a mother to the boys, even who were older than her. But when Jack came in and would steal food and clothes for the boys, he became the father figure to the boys.

It took a couple of months for the pair to become the mother and father duo that was so well-known entering and leaving the refuge. She didn’t fully trust him at first since his father was a convict and Jack, technically, was a criminal. But soon, both saw eye to eye. 

Fast forward five years later and now neither of them are held captive by Synder in the refuge. Jack, now 17 years old, had made a swift escaped and had been doing his best to avoid Synder ever since. Yet, he would still bring stolen food and clothes to the boys at the refuge.

As for (Y/N), she now worked at the refuge after serving her time. She couldn’t let the poor boys stuck in the refuge deal with the unruly Synder for a great deal of time. So she assumed motherly duties of feeding, waking up, and nurturing all the boys, even though she was only fifteen. 

Jack would often visit the refuge, just to see his girl, (Y/N). Well, she wasn’t his girl, not yet at least.

“(Y/N), you’ve grown up too fast” Jack said to her one night on the rooftop of the refuge.

“What do you mean, Jack?” she raised a brow, turning her gaze to him.

“I mean you should be livin’ life, having fun! Acting like a girl, wearin’ a pretty dress,” he exclaimed then sighed, “we- you should be enjoy your youth and not concerning yourself with playing mother for these boys in the refuge. You deserve happiness that this stinkin’ city can’t give you.”

“But I am happy, Jack. I’m happy that I’ve been able to help all the boys who have come and gone through this refuge. I’m glad that I can save them from Synder’s wrath most of the time. I’m happy that I met you all those years ago and I’m happy that you still care for these boys,” (Y/N) tried to assure Jack, “we have a decent life here for now.”

“One day, I’m gonna leave New York, (Y/N), and I want you to come with me. Just so you can see how much better fresh air will be for us- you in Santa Fe,” Jack softly rubbed circles onto (Y/N)’s back. Both of them basked in this moment of stillness.

Barely a week had passed and the whole world had taken such a turn. Every newspaper in town had raised the price of papes from $.50 to $.60 per hundred and if you don’t think it infuriated Jack, well you’re wrong. He made sure to visit the refuge that night and brought a long his new friend, Davey, with him. (the poor guy looked like he was dragged into it)

“Pulitzer has done it now, (Y/N)! All the boys are lookin’ to Dave and I’se for guidance. A-and we got this stupid strike and union thing goin’ on. Ya know, I want to Brooklyn today and asked Spot Conlon to join in on the strike and he said... he said-” Jack was cut of from a hug from (Y/N) in an attempt to calm him so he wouldn’t get to loud. She didn’t want Synder to catch him and from what he said earlier, they had a little run in the day before. 

“Deep breathes, Jack,” she pulled away but held onto his large hands while he took in a lung-full of air and slowly breathed it out, “What did Conlon say?”

“He told us he didn’t want to join in if we were going to run at the first sign of trouble. So now we have to prove that we are taking a stand until Pulitzer and Hearst respect our rights as a union,” Davey had finally spoken up. 

“Well then, tomorrow give ‘em hell in Newsie Square,” (Y/N) commanded and all three laughed together.

The next day held no laughter. In the span of 24 hours, too much had happened to the poor newsboys during the next day’s strike. A fight had broken out and the bulls really soaked the newsies. (Y/N) knew all this because Synder went to the strike and brought back Jack’s oldest friend, Crutchie, who told her everything.

Crutchie told (Y/N) about how they had scarred of the Delancy’s brothers but they came back with reinforcements. And then the police showed up. And that they had caught Crutchie and dragged him to the refuge by his gimp leg. After receiving many blows from his crutch and the Delancy’s fist, (Y/N) did her best to patch up Crutchie.

Soon after, she left the refuge to pick up more food for the starving boys and to find Jack to make sure he was okay.

That night, (Y/N) found Jack in his penthouse, clothes and body tattered from the fight that day. 

“I messed up, (Y/N). Those boys got hurt because of me!”

:it isn’t your fault! They chose to be part of the strike! This is what happens when you stand up for what you believe in, Jack! It can suck ass but the reward will be so sweet, trust me.”

There was a break of silence between them.

“I want to go to Santa Fe. I can’t stay here anymore. I can’t deal with a constant reminder of failure! So c’mon, (Y/N), let’s go, far away. Somewhere they won’t ever find us and tomorrow won’t remind me of today.”

“Jack, things will get better, I promise,” i took his hand and he just shook his head

“And I’m gone, And I’m done. No more running, no more lying.” He faced away from her and looked out at the city and continued his little speech. She carefully approached him and softly lay a hand on his shoulder. He swiftly turned around, which frightened the poor girl.

“Where’s it say you gotta live and die here? Where’s it say a guy can’t catch a break? Why should you only take what you’re given? Why should you spend your whole life livin’-” Jack had (Y/N) pushed up against the railing of his penthouse. She could see the frustration and sadness in his eyes”- trapped where there ain’t no future? Even at seventeen.” He walked away from her, focusing on his little rant.

(Y/N) took this as her opportunity to escape, seeing that the best way she could help Jack was to leave him alone for now.

By now, news had spread about the rally, how all of the New York City newsies were all on strike, and the plan to surround the gates at the World with every working child in New York. However, (Y/N) was stuck in the refuge because Synder decided to lock everyone in while he ran off to catch Jack. Silently, she prayed everything would turn out okay.

And it seems her prayers came true, because someone unlocked the door of the refuge. Two police men walked in and asked for a Crutchie Morris and a (Y/N) (Y/L/N) to  accompany them. Of course, both children followed the police into a new coach which took them to Newsie Square. 

Both of them looked out the coach and saw Newsies from every borough hugging and acting like fools. Some chanted “we won, we won, we won!” But (Y/N) couldn’t spot Jack in the sea of boys. 

Finally the coach came to a stop, to which (Y/N) closed the blinds of the coach so that the officers didn’t get the wrong impression. She first helped Crutchie out and he waddled off to join his friends he missed so badly while being stuck at the refuge.

(Y/N) had only taken 5 steps away from the coach when Jack Kelly lifted her up and twirled, then pulled her in close for a hug.

“We dids it, (Y/N),we dids it.”

“No, Jack, you did it.” He pulled away from her and beamed down at her.

“No, we dids it! The refuge is closing, (Y/N), those boys won’t be abused anymore! I gave the governor and the police your letters you gave me where you wrote about the terrible place! We dids it!” Jack pulled her into another tight hug, spinning her around again before once again, pulling away, “and (Y/N), I’se love ya so much.”

“I love you too, Jack Kelly,” and with that, (Y/N) and Jack shared their first kiss. The first of many.

[imaginekpoplikethis]

Even If You Hate Me - Jeon Jungkook X Reader

I missed writing about Jungkook.

I may or may not make a second part to this depending if anyone even wants to read a second part. I don’t know, I felt like writing a somewhat sad story and this is what I managed to come up with.

Fun fact: this idea popped out of nowhere when I was sitting in mass with my school listening to hymns lol.

Anyway, I hope you find this as interesting to read as I intended.

Part 1 - Here  Part 2 - Final

Singing on stage was your current life. You practised day and night to provide music for the fans you adored with all your heart. Without them you had no doubt in your mind you would not be where you currently are now.

You knew you were not the best singer but you certainly were not the worst. What drew people towards you and your music was more so your personality and charisma. They could see that you loved doing what you were doing and that was enough. You were not majorly popular but also not unrecognised. You had enough fans to sell out tickets within a few days which was saying something.

Standing backstage before one of the biggest concerts you had ever held was nerve racking. You believed it never would cease to be nerve wracking. A feeling of nausea accompanied the nervousness as usual. In fact, you had been feeling quite off for the past week though you brushed it off. This time, however, the nausea was somewhat stronger with a strong hint of dizziness. Taking in deep breaths, you stood to the sides in the shadows, attempting to hide your uneasiness.

“What’s wrong?”

The voice came from none other than your good friend, Jungkook. You had met him when you were still in college. You had both aspired to become singers and because you shared the same passion, you hit it off just like that. His career took off slightly before yours and so he was more experienced which was why he was your go to person in times of inspiration and advice.

“N-nothing. Just nervous.”

He didn’t look entirely convinced and reached a hand out towards you, placing the back of it on your forehead.

“You’re burning up! Maybe you should take five minutes to relax. I’ve got a bad fe-“

Before he had a chance to finish his sentence, your manager slapped a hand onto your shoulder, urging you forward.

“Come on, it’s time to start. Do your best!”

Jungkook’s hand unwillingly fell from your forehead and you could hear his protests along with your managers attempt to reassure him that you were fine.

Such was the life of a singer. If you couldn’t handle the pressure, were you really cut out for this sort of life? That’s the motto that had been drilled into your mind for the past several years and it was one you would continue to live by as long as you could.

-

Y/N was pouring her all into her performance. It was one that did not require any drastic movements. Actually, it required little to no movement at all. Her appearance perfectly matched the somewhat slow song she was singing to her fans, who all waved their light sticks in sync. Normally, she would stay away from concepts that would tend to present a melancholy atmosphere but this time around she had insisted on writing such a song, to everyone’s immense surprise.

Jeon Jungkook stood to the side of the stage, taking in the beautiful sight of an artist connecting with their audience through music. It never failed to amaze him and it was precisely the reason why he too decided to pursue music as a career. As of this moment, he was present at his long time friends concert for moral support.

Absentmindedly smiling to himself, he readied himself for the long note that was sure to come within the next few seconds. He was familiar with the song having spent late nights working on it with Y/N. The moment came for said note and she held it with such grace that he felt an overwhelming sense of pride fill him. Just like the practices he had spent with her, she perfected it. However, as soon as the note came to an end, so did her singing. Confusion tumbled over him. He knew what line was supposed to come next yet what left her lips was not what they had rehearsed.

“I-I’m sorry... so, so sorry but I- I think...-“

There was shouting coming from behind him, a couple of technicians giving directions that came straight from her manager.

“Somebody stop her! Cut the mic!”

“-this might be my last song...”

His heart skipped a beat with every stutter that left her. The microphone soon slipped from her grip and landed with a thud on the floor, a high pitched screeching sound escaping the fallen microphone and being blared out through the giant speakers situated around the venue.

Hands flew up to ears, attempting to block out the unbearable sound and that’s when Jungkook realised what was happening. He watched in horror as your legs gave up on you and you dropped to the floor, seemingly unconscious. At this point, the mic had been cut off, killing all sound in the hall. There was a short moment of silence before someone screamed your name and the venue erupted into shouts. He was the first to dash out onto stage, throwing himself down next to you and grabbing your torso.

“Hey! Hey, are you alright? Wake up. Please, wake up.”

His heart was pounding so hard he could hear it in his ears. Not getting a response, he pulled you onto his lap, though with much effort and pushed your hair away from your face. He was joined by backstage staff who began to press cold cloths to your face and prepare to take you off stage. He heard a distant shout of ‘dim the lights’ and began to help carry you off stage.

What just happened?

-

After the disastrous incident, you were rushed to the hospital where an emergency scan would take place. Your fans had left the venue in shock whilst everyone worked to end the concert early. Jungkook joined you at the hospital, staying put outside your room.

“I told you there was something wrong and you refused to listen to me...” In all the time he had been there it was the first time he spoke to your manager with a tone that could only be described as deathly calm. Your manager looked up from the ground to stare at Jungkook with guilty eyes.

“I... I didn’t think it was that bad. She said she hadn’t been feeling a hundred percent the past week but I just kind of dismissed it. I thought she would be fine...”

Jungkook clenched his fists, struggling to keep his anger at bay.

“Well she isn’t fine! She’s in hospital and all because you couldn’t be bothered to check if she was in need of a check up! A week went by where she was hurting, struggling to get through the days and you ignored her words...” His shout had lowered down to a whisper by the end of his rant and your manager sat speechless.

A doctor emerged from your hospital room, silently closing the door and turning to look towards the two other people present in the corridor.

“We performed an electrocardiogram to record the rhythm and activity of her heart. We’ve concluded that Miss Y/L/N has ventricular tachycardia from her abnormally fast heart rhythm. She’s extremely lucky to have been brought in before it progressed to ventricular fibrillation. Looking at her records it doesn’t seem like she has any heart problems... does she perhaps consume an excessive amount of alcohol?”

Your manager answered without missing a beat.

“No, she very rarely drinks.”

“How about caffeine?”

This time, his eyes widened drastically before he answered.

“Y-yes, she drinks quite a lot of caffeine. She claims she needs it to get through the day.”

“What’s her daily schedule like, if I may ask?”

He nodded his head before glancing back down at the floor.

“She either doesn’t sleep or wakes up extremely early to fit in exercise and practices. She drinks quite a lot of caffeine to keep herself going throughout the day, though I’m not exactly sure how much.”

The doctor nodded in understanding before he clicked a pen and scrawled down some notes in a notepad.

“It’s very rare that an excessive caffeine consumption would cause ventricular tachycardia but paired with quite a bit of exercise makes it much more likely. The symptoms include, dizziness, fainting, chest pains, shortness of breath and fatigue. Did she display or mention such symptoms?”

Jungkook glared at your manager when the doctor asked his question.

“She mentioned she had been feeling dizzy. Actually, I noticed she would hold a hand to her chest a lot and take deep breaths but I didn’t think much of it.”

Jungkook’s anger resurfaced and he forced himself to turn away in case he done something he was sure he would regret. The doctor took more notes before he put his notepad and pen away.

“She will have to undergo radiofrequency ablation. An electrical current will destroy any abnormal tissues causing her heart to beat incorrectly. After that she will have to remain in hospital for around two weeks until we deem her healthy if she wishes to leave then she may but will have to rest at home and stay away from caffeine and ideally exercise. If you want to go in and see her, now is the time.”

“I understand. Thank you so much.”

The doctor smiled slightly before bidding farewell and taking his leave.

“Jungkook, you should go in. I... I don’t think I deserve to see her right now.”

Jungkook said nothing. There was nothing to say. He wouldn’t bother trying to console your manager, he didn’t deserve that either. Instead Jungkook rose from his seat and silently entered the room.

You were sleeping.

That was the first thing he noticed when he stepped further into the room. He didn’t know if he expected you to be awake, smiling at him with tired eyes. Perhaps that was too much to ask. Thankfully, your life wasn’t in danger. You had narrowly missed that road.

Jungkook made his way to the table and chairs situated to the side of the room, grabbing one of said chairs and moving it towards your bed. Sitting facing the back of the chair, he simply stared at your resting figure. By now, it was late at night. He supposed he had been waiting for at least three hours in the corridor. Time had flew by though, worry eating him from the inside out. He blamed your manager for not noticing your sick state but he was just as bad. He had seen you plenty of times throughout the week and not once did he think to ask if you were okay. He assumed the smiles you would give him were enough and that’s where he went wrong.

“When I think of it, this is my fault isn’t it? I encouraged this. I pushed you to work this hard. If I hadn’t gotten involved in your life, if I had just stayed in my lane, I wouldn’t be sitting here and you wouldn’t be laying in a hospital bed...”

He could feel tears brimming at his eyes. He didn’t want to cry but when one of the few important people in his life were put at risk, what else could he do?

“I should just step back shouldn’t I...?”

Of course you wouldn’t answer, you were sleeping peacefully, probably having the best sleep you have had in weeks, maybe even months. Jungkook let out a shaky sigh, reaching a hand out towards one of your own. He traced your knuckles with a finger, not having the confidence to look you in the face anymore despite the fact you were not awake.

“I should step back... but I can’t. I don’t want to leave you by yourself. Actually, I don’t want you to leave me by myself. I may have family and friends surrounding me but if you left me... I don’t know what I would do.”

He smiled solemnly to himself, heart thumping painfully in his chest.

“Even if you don’t feel the same way I do, I would still stay by your side. Seeing you smile is enough for me. Even if you hated me, I still wouldn’t mind as long as you pay me some attention.”

The light from the moon highlighted the thin streaks running down his face which he quickly wiped away, suddenly embarrassed.

“I guess it’s true that love makes us act in crazy ways.”

[after-l1fe]

😫

😫 - I admire you from the sidelines because you seem cool and I’m just a dork.

Nooo why?! I swear I’m a dork too so don’t be shy!!!

I admire YOU for being here and being nice ily💖💖

Come here I’ll give you a hug~!❤️

Im actually really shy and the reason I made the blog was due to wanting to be a little less shy and also due to the lack of content for After L!fe as it’s a new game.

Feel free to just send me asks on or off anon. Doesn’t have to be anything special we could just chat a little or talk about our favs! I love every single thing y’all do even if you think it not worth that much to me it does ❤️💖 You may rant with me as well if you’re having a bad day.💖

[celebistar]

Personal: Hiatus

Personal venting; warnings, frank talk about my own poor mental health lately, specifically anxiety, so if you're not feeling well yourself you should probably avoid.

Honestly, I’m really on-edge right now as I’m writing this, but I felt I had to get something out or I just cannot sleep (not that it’s easy anyway with jetlag…) It feels really strange b/c I haven't done this type of really-personal ‘feelings’ post/rant for a long time now, not since I was RPing but well…sometimes you just gotta get your feelings out.

It isn’t really any one thing or aspect or event in particular, but just lately, especially in the past month or two, I’ve noticed myself engaging less and less with Nobunagun, i.e. fanart/fanfics. Partly it’s just the cycles of life and work and limited time, but honestly the truth is, I feel that I am…reaching the end of my “Nobunagun rope”, so to speak. Lately I’ve just been mentally burnt out, not because of any one thing, but instead of the raging wildfire I used to feel whenever I engaged in my fics and art at like 1:30am, I just feel…oh. Like neither like nor dislike, which it in and of itself is nothing wrong, but for someone like me who has always bounced from obsession to obsession—and I mean that quite literally—it’s a scary and strange feeling. Frankly, I don’t know if I like it; not being able to fall back onto my creative imaginations whenever I want to, whether it’s to pass time due to boredom or to help me cope when other stressful things happen in my life.

Now, most people would probably say ‘well that’s normal isn’t it? Interests always change’ and yes, they do; in fact, before Nobunagun I inevitably shifted interests after a while—I think YGO was the first really big one, but even before that there were myriad of series like Digimon, Cardcaptors, etc. etc…and each time I thought ‘wow, GX (or some other series) is so great, I don’t know how I can run out of ideas!’ but gradually I did move on—usually because some other interest caught my eye and was more exciting, so by the time I consciously realized I wasn’t super obsessed with the previous one, it was more like an ‘oh well’. I never really stopped to think or really miss it, because there was always something new to entertain me, keep me thinking at 110% (kinda like serial dating now that I think about it, like those people who keep chasing that initial ‘high’ you get at the start of something new but you can never maintain). Now that I am sort-of-kind-of in that phase of ‘whoa, something’s obviously wrong if you’re feeling mentally unwell so let’s take a step back’, I think it is true; that, honestly, it isn’t healthy to have an obsessive relationship with Nobunagun 24/7. It may seem strange that I am using relationship terms to describe a fandom, but I think they are parallels in many ways. But there’s a difference and it’s that Nobunagun is just a thing, a really great thing yes—but it’s not a person. It doesn’t make decisions or tell me what to do; frankly everything I choose to engage in, is 100% in my own control. But somehow, over the course of being a fan, I seemed to have imposed these really strange, invisible ‘pressures’ on myself, so to speak. Perhaps it comes from having a mind that is either all or nothing when it comes to interests, or maybe it’s because I always managed to move on to something more exciting before the old interest fully waned. I don’t know.

All I know is that whatever my ‘relationship’ with Nobunagun is right now, it’s not healthy nor good. Realistically speaking, I know it’s nearly impossible to like something 100% of the time, 24/7. I believe it is possible to sustain interests for your entire life—drawing, writing, gaming—or even series—I mean, I myself have loved the Fire Emblem series ever since they came out in the US and I don’t see myself stopping anytime soon. But unlike Nobunagun, Fire Emblem has always been what I would consider a ‘background’ interest; it’s always there but I rarely engage in what I would consider fandom activities, such as drawing fanart or writing fanfiction. Hell, I rarely even read FE fanfiction anymore (though I used to). Yet despite all this, despite advice from people I trust and love, and despite my own logical mind telling me this…I just can’t seem to let it go. At least, not easily. For some reason the very thought of no longer liking Nobunagun as I used to, so passionately—not even just no longer interested but just ‘not as interested as before’…it sends me into panic attacks. In fact I have actually been suffering quite bad anxiety these past few weeks because of this very dilemma—unable to focus, panicking the second I see something Nobunagun and I don’t feel excited, trouble sleeping…I mean hell I’ve even had trouble starting new anime series because there’s always this inkling in the back of my mind ‘what if this is the show that replaces Nobunagun?' I don’t know why I think of it as that; I don’t know why I have this self-imposed chain around myself and Nobunagun, even though it’s all my own thoughts. I just know what is, and that’s just what it feels like. I don’t know why I have such a severe trepidation of something else replacing Nobunagun even though it’s just how interests come and go and frankly, it was Nobunagun that replaced Eyeshield 21 before it.

Now, most people would say this is a sign that I should probably take a step back and re-evaluate just what it is that’s actually important in my life, and take care of myself—no thinking of Nobunagun, no trying to churn out another 2-3 chapters or another illustration in a week. And I do agree; I know, deep down, that this is warning sign that if I don’t change something soon, then I won’t even be able to salvage my love for Nobunagun—it’ll just turn into a destructive mess that ends with the only recourse being complete and utter amputation. Which is definitely not something I want. And yet it’s really hard to tell myself that it will be okay, that I will come out of this maybe not liking Nobunagun with a raging passion 110% of the time but maybe only like 30% of the time, and that’s okay—but somehow it’s very difficult to convince myself of that (if it were, trust me I wouldn’t be up typing this at 1am). I’m very much reminded of a time earlier, when I was still very active in RPing and I went through a very similar upheaval…how I couldn’t imagine not RPing anymore, how I couldn’t imagine going on in the fandom without it…but in the end, looking back I know I made the right choice, and I came out better for it. I didn’t lose my love of Nobunagun after basically stopping role-playing, and I learned, slowly, to be passionate about it again without being anxious. I came out all right and what’s more I felt l learned a lot and became a better person because of those hard times. And when that time really came, it just faded naturally and without fear—these days let’s be honest, I don’t RP anymore, even though I have the accounts—they’re honestly just there for archival/dump purposes. So that’s how I know I made the right choice…I have no regrets and I don’t/didn’t feel fear when I stopped roleplaying. It just happened naturally, and I can still look back on those times fondly.

So maybe this phase right now is just another one of those hard obstacles that I have to face, sooner or later, maybe it didn't even have to be with Nobunagun but it just so happens that Nobunagun is the thing that I'm into now…maybe it’s a reconciliation of the last remnants of being a ‘super-fan’, that Nobunagun may be the last fandom I really feel a lot of passion for, and it’s hard to say good-bye to what feels like a huge part of what defined you. Maybe it’s something else. Maybe I’ll come out of this with a looser, but still warm relationship with Nobunagun. As my boss (of all people) once told me, ‘think of it as trading fireworks for a comfortable shirt; in the beginning of anything, it feels like there’s always fireworks going off because it’s so new and exciting, but after a while things start to even out and you don’t always feel excited, all the time. It becomes more like wearing a comfortable old shirt; it’s kind of the same over and over, but it’s familiar and comforting. And when those fireworks do come again, it’ll still be exciting—but just not all the time, so when they come you’ll treasure them.’

Maybe that’s the real answer; what I would like to be able to do, is like so many of my friends, is to rotate through different interests—Fire Emblem when a new banner comes out, whatever anime I happen to be watching this season—and go back and forth so when I’m thinking ‘hey, I don’t feel like writing Nobunagun stuff’ I can go and engage with something else. Yet it doesn’t feel like I can, even though I know I am capable of it; back when I was into YGO Zexal, I actually went between different fandoms quite often—off the top of my head were Star Trek, Mass Effect, but at the same time I never lost interest in Zexal; it was just kind of there, and I went back to it after a while. So, I know from past experience I’m capable of it…and back then, I didn’t feel any sort of fear or trepidation of being into something else—but of course each experience is different and it could be that the new thing didn’t allow me room to question whether or not I still liked the old thing—but anyway that’s a different topic.

Going back and actually reading my personal posts during that really bad mental period where I had to take a hiatus from RPing and Tumblr in general (or the ones that I haven’t deleted anyway), it actually is strangely calming because it proves to me, gives me physical evidence that I went through something so painful and never thought I would be okay but guess what I turned out okay. So it gives me hope…that this too, like everything else shall pass. It’s also kind of ironic that many of the things that I said then are what I’m saying now—so I don’t know, maybe it means something, maybe it doesn’t.

But what I do know, is that for the time being, I must take a step back. I must find a way to break these self-imposed chains that force me to think ‘you must obsess over Nobunagun 24/7’ so it doesn’t consume me to the point where my mental health deteriorates. So I don’t end up seeing Nobunagun as a dark spot in my life, but rather a positive thing and something that I will continue to like, but in a more balanced relationship. Not freaking out when I realize that maybe I’m just too tired to think about Nobunagun right now, and knowing that a lot of this is honestly the anxiety talking. Speaking of which, the sucky part about anxiety is that there isn’t a cure—it’s a condition, but you can manage it, and not let it define you. Meditation has done a lot for me, both in the past and now more than ever, and also just writing things out—hence why this really long-ass post.

Anyway; strange how writing things out and admitting your deepest fears can make them seem less scary and overwhelming. Perhaps that’s the point of journaling and such? Although my handwriting is so terrible these days and so slow that it’s faster for me to type rather than keep an analog journal…maybe some people will think that I am freaking out over nothing, that a fandom is nothing to lose sleep over but well, we all have our vices I suppose. I mean hey, at least it’s just a static thing, and not say, an abusive partner.

In any case, for the immediate time being I will be going on hiatus—just like that time when I kept getting anxiety about RPing, and I had to take a step back—I must do that now, too. Frankly I don’t think it will make much of a difference since I rarely update here anyway but on that note, I will not be checking for notifs/contacts on Tumblr or really anywhere else. i don’t know when I’ll ‘come back’ and honestly I don’t want to keep putting myself on schedules or deadlines; when I feel ready, I’ll know and it’ll happen naturally. I have the most wonderful friends and family so have no fear, I will not be alone. I’m sure I’ll be back, when I feel ready.