#after hanging out w a bunch of our friends who are all gay and have had hoe eras in the past i told my bestie one on one

[portokali]

beginning to realize feeling bad for wanting things isn't very normal but i'll worry abt that later

[unproduciblesmackdown]

I just want to say I am absolutely obsessed w all your sincerely me posts. You do such a good job breaking them down and identifying all the little details that go into that scene as well as analyzing what they mean about Jared and Evan separately and ofc their relationship as a whole. Wonderful stuff! Also the compilation of Will doing The Laugh added 10 years to my life so thank u

oh thank you lmao i always enjoy people enjoying those posts, and there’s always so much to dig into with that scene, but i think plenty of times i think people can just sort of let the scene wash over as a “oh, the point of this is just that it’s fun” sort of surface level, very straightforward element of the show, and part of the point surely is that it Is fun, but everything about this song is about evan and jared’s interaction / dynamic / relationship here, and the levity and humor doesn’t mean there’s nothing here to Take Seriously, which is certainly true re: jared in general, rather than him being Jokes Boy with no real feelings or anything (i know i’m already preaching to the choir here with all this “here’s what sincerely me is Really About / what deserves more appreciation re: jared” lmao but the ted talks just Occur)

like, here’s the high point of the whole show for jared, and this moment with evan which is so enjoyable and satisfying that he’s going to keep hanging on to evan’s runaway train in the hopes of getting more of this, particularly in act 2 where that’s truly like 100% of his motivation (vs that in act 1 he’s at least also having some degree of an earnest response to the idea behind tcp along with evan and alana, even if it’s still plenty about doing this With Evan) and like, it’s especially a tragedy re: the album where you Only get jared’s vocals, & have less of his dialogue, so it’s easier to forget he’s there or what his part in this is and that, you know, this wouldn’t be a song if it wasn’t about His And Evan’s relationship, and it’s like 98% the case that “connor” in this song just Is jared

and that yeah like we’ve been recently posting lol how there’s actually really just these endless Layers to this material, a mille feuille of Relationship Analysis that’s getting folded over again and again, where it’s jared and evan for real, but pretending to be other people, and making things up, but trying to make it seem Real, and both taking the other’s feedback into their own writing / working off of the other’s contributions, and evan could be seeing “connor” through the lens of what little he knows about actual connor, or projecting himself onto someone he realizes was similar to him in ways, or being informed about Friendship via his own relationship with / perception of jared, who’s in a similar position here re: what’s behind his Inspiration or Interpretation, which roles are Him, or Evan, or ostensibly connor, and what all projection or wish fulfillment or Interpreting is going on around here, not to mention that these two Real People’s Real Dynamic is unfolding right in front of us and is very directly what’s going Into these created emails (which do, apparently, seem like the record of an amazing friendship according to cynthia and then like, a bunch of other people) because this whole writing session is this collaborative back and forth which wouldn’t be happening in the first place if evan didn’t turn to jared for input/help with anything and if jared didn’t want to be involved in evan’s life and be someone evan Wants to seek out like this and you know, how delighted jared is to have evan’s attention, even if as he starts giving evan what he’s actually after here, evan’s attention seemingly shifts over to “connor,” even though that’s jared.....still not a direct Win for jared there, see: him in the reprise, trying to put a “jared” into the story as well, since evan’s invented relationship with jared!connor isn’t actually translating into evan being closer / more interested in actual jared....what about jared!jared......now i’m even thinking about jared getting that highest note harmony at the end of sincerely me.....pay attention to Him

thinking allllllways about how jared completely invents the chorus himself, expecting evan to approve, and with no input from evan, just that Approval, and it comes on the heels of also-approved writing for connor about Trying To Be More....Nice.....i’ll turn it around, wait and see...........just about to lie down about the fact that this, on top of what evan’s already made up in for forever, is about trying to make this Hopeful story, because that’s what evan wants for himself, and what he thinks cynthia would find comforting re: connor, and here’s jared like, okay, so your Supposed relationship didn’t look that warm & amazing from the outside, but how about if it just had a lot of Potential, like, HMM!!! lots to consider there!! but then Oof at the fact inevitably the story falls apart and so does jared’s hopes for his relationship with evan, even though like, connor died & never had that friendship with evan, & jared is probably still alive & Did have a connection with him & is presumably still out there, able to be talked to, maybe try reinventing and giving things attention, you know

just that Yeah lmao the tl;dr here is people mostly going like wow lol what a fun song, &/or a gay song, & it’s like, well sure but for one thing, all of that is completely due to Jared & his and evan’s dynamic & relationship, but that once you realize that that’s what the song is actually about, there’s just so much to consider and analyze in what might otherwise be overlooked as a song that has nothing to to say besides what’s most straightforwardly there, even though, you know, these are characters who have so much trouble saying what they mean or feel or want, but who are able to Reveal more about themselves in that way through this pretense/artifice which is sort of displacing their usual defense mechanisms. been Thinking About It many times and i’m still pondering aspects of it afresh / having new Insights, and anyone else can be too lmao, lots going on here & lots to say based on what anyone’s experienced / taken note of.....wtaw is of course v different as a song, more outright dramatic & desperate, whereas sincerely me is presented as more comedic & light, and it Is these two friends having some fun here rather than the protagonist having this crisis before homeroom at the start of the show, but here sincerely me is as another song about Trying and Wanting and some hopefulness that has to remain ultimately inconclusive, because connor still died.....lots going on, of course the tone is different b/c jared is a part of it, but people also completely overlook Other moments as jared you know, not having as genuine or deep or real Feelings as evan b/c jared’s front involves acting unbothered and being clever and funny, but obviously that doesn’t mean his feelings aren’t there and there aren’t stakes to them, and just because this song involving jared just seems lighthearted and unserious doesn’t mean that again, things aren’t Real and Important for jared.....augh

and yes lmfao the laugh is very good, i’m glad to compile it for our health

[oceanselevenism]

I've seen that most of the stories on ao3 about them are mostly canon-compliant (and I don't have anything against that tbh) but I was wondering if you have any aus that you think could fit them or that you'd like to see?

omg i have SO MANY aus!! (it got Very Long so its under a cut)

- college au! danny gets kicked out (hes on full scholarship and does Thiefly Things to cover his expenses so hes not endangered just fairly fucked up abt it) (does it count as kicked out if u only live w ur dad three months a year) in freshman year, he befriends rusty (1 year below him) in sophomore year, debbie also befriends rusty (she and danny dont talk much but shes 2 yrs below him at the same college), and when reuben comes calling for a job he thinks debbie has a boyfriend (thanks to debbie telling her dad that she does) so she fake dates rusty. who ends up joining the job. and danny is Very Jealous

- snl ripoff au! danny and rusty are the weekend-update-adjacent anchors and they get gay. i Would have this take place in la (reuben is taking A Risk producing a late night sketch comedy show on the west coast but the 11/12/however fuckin many are fantastic cast members so even though they lose revenue from the other timezones not watching as much as they watch snl or whatever, they still make BANK... but danny and rusty getting gay throws the equilibrium out of whack) BUT la sucks DICK so its happening in new york. also this way u get Ocean Sibling Banter (debbie and lou are the anchors for The Actual Weekend Update and when debbie/lou get together and also when danny/rusty get together there are so many ‘just switch out the blondes/brunettes nobody will be able to tell and we won’t have hr down our necks’ jokes)

- au where the caldwells, abt to go deep undercover on a Huge Fucking Case, have to give up custody of 6 year old linus to tess and danny. the case stretches on for twelve years and linus grows up w tess and danny (who get divorced like right after they adopt him bc tess finds out abt dannys Thiefly Activities-- he confesses to her bc he doesnt rly want to predispose the kid to said thiefly activities) and also isabel (she and rusty break up like Right Before tess and dannys wedding and its very funny; she then goes on to marry tess) parenting him (rusty isnt as much in the picture bc he doesnt feel bad at all abt stealing and tess doesnt want linus to pick up that mentality also rusty Feels Things abt danny)! then when linus is like 18 or 19 danny disappears (tess and isabel think its Thiefly Activities again and arent concerned, just disappointed, but linus is very concerned for his dad-slash-stepdad-slash-sort-of-uncle) and he tracks down rusty so they can find danny. they roadtrip across america and eventually catch up to danny, who is helping the caldwells, and the five of them take down whatever gang the caldwells were chasing. linus now has 6 parents

- au based on this post where some archaeologist finds a bunch of dannys [french person voice] Love Lettairs 2 rusty and so obviously the logical course of action is to rob the museum (which happens to be the museum that tess is curating. funny how things work out) without telling his team What Theyre Stealing. they successfully pull off the heist but turns out the letters were not among the items they stole!! danny is getting desperate. as a last-ditch attempt he calls tess and asks her to let them rob the museum. shes like Why The Fuck Would I Do That. he explains and she begrudgingly agrees. danny and livingston go break into the museum Again but rusty tails them bc dannys been acting Weird and he finds out abt the letters bc livingston sweats more whenever he tells a lie. they live happily ever after (literally, theyre immortal) the end. also even though dannys a werewolf the 11 all call him the new jersey devil (its not his fault that legend came to be ok!! he was very drunk!!)

- childhood friends au!! danny and rusty were best buds as very young kids and then the oceans had to move. flash forward 2 present day where danny and debbie r robbing a museum (theyre building a flower shop over the vault and tunneling in, the dudes in brazil who came up w it are very very clever) and guess which two people are the assistant curators (is that even a title?). guess. ill tell u its tess and rusty! danny recognizes rusty, rusty ‘does not recognize’ danny (which is valid. look at photos of child george clooney and tell me you would recognize him). the 11 demand that they use this to their advantage and so danny and rusty Sort Of Date while the rest set up for the robbery, and danny feels really bad abt it so on the day of (after everyone has gotten away, ofc, he might be a lovesick bitch but hes not a snitch) he confesses and rustys like lmao i was onto u from the start. what kind of a name is [insert alias here] anyway. then they go live a life of crime and its great

- @sanduschism came up w a fantastic au where danny pickpockets rusty and feels bad so he sends the wallet back and they strike up a Correspondence

- HOSPITAL AU!!! danny and rusty r er techs while theyre doing med school and nobody knows how they juggle their shifts w school but also rusty can do a tracheotomy in like 5 seconds and danny can tell when a person needs an mri before they even list their symptoms so nobody questions it and nobody splits them up Ever. when they eventually become surgeons, danny does cardio and rusty does neuro, and whenever they have to work together not only do they never have to say what theyre doing, they don't even have What Do U Want To Cook For Dinner convos fully out loud. tess is head nurse... she makes so many excel spreadsheets... they are ALL color coded. isabel is head er doc and nobody dares to halfass things on her watch. reuben is head hospital admin, saul is chief surgeon, basher is head of the burn unit, the malloys r the HUNKIEST nurses in town, frank does plastic surgery/ent (every patient loves him bc he is just So Calm), livingston is The IT Guy, yen does like orthopedics or physical therapy, and linus is their fav resident who they all lovingly tease 24/7. the ocean sibs r both Cardio Gods and each dominate their respective coasts. debbie is an nyc doctor and if she sees a mass gen doctor its on SIGHT. the few surgeries that she and danny collab on go so fast that the med students in the gallery Cannot tell whats happening. lou is also a plastic surgeon and she and frank r best buds. linus requests time off like 6 months in advance Every Time and everyone hates it bc then They have to be on call but he doesnt realize his Extreme Overachieverness is causing so much strife. whenever tess and danny get in an argument she colorcodes his rounds spreadsheet to be the most neon shit youve ever seen. can you tell i never fully progressed past my greys anatomy phase this one is like 93489302 lines long

- superpower au where rusty has midas touch and danny has corrosive touch and when theyre too young to have control over their powers (abilities develop throughout adolescence and the user gains control at the end of adolescence) they accidentally brush hands and are terrified they just killed each other but turns out their powers like. cancel out. so until they reach like 21 or 22 and can touch things without fucking them UP they just. hold hands all the time. bc otherwise they have to wear gloves to prevent Accidents and both of them “hate gloves” (and also love holding hands. gayasses)

- uhhh hallmark au where danny is a crime fiction writer out on some beach north of ocean city nj and rusty is his fancy nyc editor. everyone else is a thief including debbie who is just Very weirded out that her brother, who robbed boston’s institute of contemporary art at age 22 and got away with it, has decided to spend the rest of his life churning out books. he is very critically acclaimed and about half of the 11 are buds with him and use his published books as heist inspo. the other ~half of the 11 are buds with rusty, and they tell him if danny’s heists are feasible or not (they always are. scarily so.) anyway rusty and isabel break up 12 days before xmas and danny and tess break up 8 days before hanukkah so dannys heading to debbie’s place in upstate new york to mope for the holidays when A BLIZZARD HITS and he gets stranded in midtown. and he and rusty are buds but like. Email Buds. they dont hang out irl and therefore they dont let their Totally Bud-Like Feelings mess up their professional relationship. but danny is stranded and its hanukkah and he ends up crashing at rustys place for the duration of the blizzard. and then rusty ends up coming to debbies place for the rest of the holidays. and then they kiss on new years eve and debbie kicks them out bc theyre being gross

- And More! thanks for the ask, anon! sorry it got so long lol i just have Many Thoughts

[takerfoxx]

Well, in honor of the Rebellion sequel FINALLY being announced, here’s something I was going to do today anyway! Here’s the second part of the crew of Walpurgis Nights watch The Rebellion Story, stretching from Madoka arriving at the school to Hitomi’s nightmare!

Note: I originally was going to write this as one big piece and release it all at once, but then I realized what a dumb idea that would be, so it’s going to get released in chunks as they’re finished.

Note the 2nd: Every time a prolonged conversation takes place, just assume that they’re pausing the movie to talk.

Reminder:

G=Gretchen

H=Homulilly

Op=Ophelia

Ok=Oktavia

Ca=Candeloro/Mami

Ch=Charlotte

...

G: You know, I can’t get over Tavi having legs, or Fee having hair.

Op: It does look good, I gotta say. Must’ve been a bitch to keep it looking so fresh though.

Ch: And probably sets fewer low-hanging branches alight or set off fewer sprinklers.

Op: As far as you know. That style is smokin’

…

H: Seeing all those boys is…weird.

Ch: I know what you mean. I mean, I can picture what they look like, and I’ve seen recreations, but even still…

G: It is interesting to think about. I mean, here it’s perfectly normal for girls to get into relationships with other girls. But there girls like us would be a minority.

Op: Can’t imagine why. Now that I’m seeing them…not really getting the appeal. They don’t even have tits!

Ch: I guess you had to be there.

Ok: Hey, is it true that girls who liked other girls got picked on a lot?

Ca: Well, that’s an oversimplification of a serious problem, and I certainly never saw it happen. But then, I was a little…sheltered. And yes, in some places of the world, that does unfortunately happen. And worst.

G: Poor girls.

Ch: And guys. It happens to the gay guys too.

Op: I never got the gay thing. I mean, using the word as an insult. Like, why would that even be something to be ashamed of?

Ca: That’s…a really complicated question, and I’m not sure I’m really qualified to explain.

G: Well, I think they’re just being silly! I don’t see how anyone could see anything wrong with this!

=Gretchen leans over to give Homulilly a small kiss on the lips. Homulilly is more than happy to reciprocate=

Op: GAAAAY!

=Homulilly smacks Ophelia upside the head=

Ca: All of…that aside, I have to say, this is sort of nostalgic.

Ch: Hey, what’s that supposed to mean?

Ca: Oh, relax. I mean, just this. The school. The girls and the boys. The uniforms. Don’t worry, I’m not going to be struck with an uncontrollable desire for penis.

Op: Though if you do, I know a girl who-

Ca: Thank you, Ophelia. Please don’t finish that thought.

…

Op: Ha. Still a rebel, even then.

Ca: You were. You definitely were. Even more than this version. At least this version of you is going to school.

Op: And Tavi’s the goody-goody, sneaking off…hold up.

Ok: What?

Op: Rewind it a bit.

Ch: Okay…?

Op: So, does this version of me and Oktavia…do we live together?

Ch: Huh?

H: What?

Op: How would she know about me slacking on my homework after school if she wasn’t there? Like, in the same house?

Ca: W-Well, friends visit after school, sometimes to work on homework…

Ok: No, I’m going with Ophelia. We were totally shacking up. I mean, look at us. Look how irritated I am with her. That is love.

Ca: Girls, I hate to burst your bubble, but nobody was actually dating anyone back then.

Op: Oh, come on! Look at us!

Ok: Yeah, I mean the only other explanation is…

=silence=

Op: Is what? What are you…Oh, my God.

G: What’s wrong?

=Ophelia and Oktavia both start to look very uncomfortable=

Op: Candy, tell us the honest truth here: are we sisters?

Ca: What?!

Ch: Oh my God, I’m not hearing this.

Op: If you hid it so we wouldn’t freak out, I understand, but we really need to know-

Ca: No! No, you are not sisters, and you did not live together in our timeline! You knew each other for little over a month when we died, and only really got along for about two weeks!

Op: Oh, thank the flames.

Ok: Whew.

Ca: Seriously, what’s wrong with you? I already told you your stories.

G: Yeah, and Hitomi’s known Oktavia and me for a very long time! I think she’d mention it if you two were related.

H: Plus you look nothing alike. At all.

Ok: Okay! Okay! It was a momentary slip of stupid! We panicked! Leave us alone.

H: Would you two have stopped dating if it turned out you were related?

=Ophelia and Oktavia exchange looks=

Op: Probably not.

Ok: Nope.

Ch: Great. Now that we’ve established yet again how degenerate you two are, can we please continue the movie?

…

G: Huh?

Ok: What’s her deal?

Ca: I…kind of remember her? She was a teacher, and I think I had her my first year. But it’s been so long that-

Op: This lady’s bugging.

Ch: Too many shots in her coffee.

Op: I don’t think that’s alcohol.

Ok: Look at the class. Look at us! We’re all as confused as…we are…huh.

Ch: Don’t think about it too hard.

Op: Okay, seriously! Who allowed this lady around children?

Ca: I can remember her being a little eccentric, but this is on a whole new level.

Ch: Well, as the first few minutes proved, this whole city’s totally drugged out of its mind.

G: Does she want the world to end?

Ok: You know, I’m kind of feeling her.

G: Eh?!

Ok: Okay, look! Way back in the day, before I had a reliable gig, I used to sub every now and then for the FIB’s music department, and let me tell you, after a couple days of trying to keep those sand crabs under control, the apocalypse wasn’t sounding too bad!

Ch: How bad does her class have to be for her to go that far off the deep end?

Ok: Well, me and Fee are in the class.

=Ophelia snickers=

G: Oh, I saw Hitomi!

H: Fantastic.

Ok: I thought you two were cool now.

H: Eh…

Ch: Hey, kids! It’s time to play, “Spot the important characters!”

Ca: Did our hair really stand out that much? I distinctly remember other kids having bright hair colors!

Ch: Well, if you have a bunch of characters that you’re only animating for one scene, then you gotta skimp on some of the details.

…

G: Oh, there you are, Lilly!

Ca: Okay, this part I remember as being fairly accurate.

H: Huh?

Ca: I mean the bit about you being a transfer student and having been in the hospital for a while.

H: Ah.

=pause=

H: My God, I look stupid.

G: Don’t say that! You look cute!

H: Did I really wear my hair like that?

Ca: Well, no. You wore it straight. And I don’t remember there being glasses.

…

Ca: This part…is different though.

G: Really? How so?

Ca: I didn’t know Homulilly before she showed up.

Op: Yeah, you talked about that before. She just sort of appeared out of nowhere one day?

Ca: Yes. And pretty much just…aggressively inserted herself into our group. I mean, she wasn’t rude about it, but…

H: I was a time-traveler trying to save the only person that had ever cared about me from a terrible fate and had already failed several times. No doubt I wanted to skip the pleasantries.

Ca: I’m s-sorry, I didn’t mean to imply anything negative.

H: No offense taken.

Ok: So basically, you had reloaded your save over and over and was skipping the cutscenes so you could get to work on the part you were having trouble on.

H: That is…a remarkably accurate way of putting it. At least I assume that was the reason. I don’t know anything other than I was told, and to be quite frank, I’m glad of it.

Op: Hear fuckin’ hear.

Ok: Cheers. Oh, uh, sorry, Candy.

Ca: Don’t worry about it.

…

Ok: Well, Candy’s really talking you up. Guess you were kind of an ass-kicker, Homulilly.

H: No, it’s like the other version of me said. I was probably in a support role.

Ch: What, with the time-stop thing?

H: Yes.

Ok: Support role, my scaly ass! That is like the most OP power ever! I mean, what could I do?

=pause=

Ok: Uh, that wasn’t a rhetorical question. Candy, what could I do?

Ca: Oh, uh. In addition to your sword, you could use boost pads to jump and heal very quickly.

Op: So a tank, basically.

Ok: See? Just take and give damage! Basic as hell! Now time-stop, that’s a power with some class!

Ch: Plus time-travel.

Ok: Yeah, that’s like the jackpot of unfair.

H: Didn’t do me any good. We all died anyway.

Op: We’re chilling in our expensive, two-story house in a really nice neighborhood watching all this on our expensive big-screen instead of getting our asses beat every night and worrying about homework. I’d say things worked out.

…

Op: GAAAAAAY!

Ca: Oh, come on. It’s just hand-holding.

Op: Look at that blush! Look at it!

H: She has a point. By all accounts I was already pretty infatuated with Gretchen.

=Gretchen blushes=

Ca: Fair enough. GAAAAAAY!

=group cracks up=

Op: Though, seriously. Were any of us straight?

Ca: Well, Oktavia did have that crush on that one boy that supposedly started the whole trouble, and I had a couple of crushes of my own.

Ok: Did you not see me earlier in the movie? I at the very least bisexual!

Op: Or Kyoko-sexual. Everyone’s gay for Kyoko! Even the boys are gay for Kyoko!

G: I don’t really know what that means.

Op: It means the boys find me incredibly attractive, but in a gay sort of way.

G: I still don’t know what that means!

=Oktavia leans over to whisper something in Gretchen’s ear. Gretchen’s eyes go wide=

G: Oooohhhh…

…

Ch: A month? So do the landscape shots just mean a time-skip?

Ok: Okay, we were joking just now, but this is pretty explicitly romantic.

H: As I said, it was at least on my end. Though I don’t understand why he has to be there.

Ca: He was always around, unfortunately. I’m mainly wondering why he’s being so quiet. Or catlike.

H: Why, was he talkative?

Ca: Very.

Op: Huh. Maybe that’s why we got Cheese. We were just used to the animal companion that wouldn’t shut the hell-

=Cheese starts screeching from the other room=

C: Pickinilly! Pickidelly! Picadely whore!

Ch: Great, now you’ve set him off.

=Cheese flies into the room and lands on Homulilly’s flower. She tries not to laugh as he prances about before spying the movie playing=

C: Rat bastard! Rat bastard! Rat bastard!

Op: Where’d he learn that? I didn’t teach him that.

C: Rat bastard! Rat bastard!

Ch: Oh, for the love of…Here, I’ll take him.

=Charlotte offers Cheese her arm, and takes him outside=

Op: I’ll say this: the bird might be a pain in the ass sometimes, but he is smart.

Ok: …did anyone else see the freaking dirigibles flying around in the background, or just me?

….

Op: Shit, those are a lot of airships. Hey, Candy-

Ca: No, those are new also.

Op: Something’s seriously off about this timeline, then.

Ch: Who the hell is that?

G: Oh! It’s Hitomi!

H: Of course it is.

Ch: Huh. Guess she does get more than a cameo.

Op: Jesus Christ, does her entire family all sleep in the same bed? You could fit an entire studio apartment into that thing!

G: Well, we were apparently all pretty well off.

Op: You had a normal-sized twin with a bunch of stuffed animals. She’s captaining the HMS Spoiled Rotten in there.

G: She’s not spoiled!

Op: Look, there are like three queen-sized beds between the six of us. You could put them all together and they still wouldn’t be as big as that monstrosity!

Ch: Isn’t she like living with three other girls now?

G: So? That doesn’t mean anything. Lots of people have roommates.

H: They’re dating.

G: What? What are you talking about? That’s silly to just assume-

Ok: Gretch. C’mon. It’s not a secret.

G: B-But-

Ok: Poly relationships happen all the time.

G: I…how did you find out?

Ok: You do know that I talk to her too, right? And honestly, you’re making more of it than she is.

G: I guess so.

Op: She should’ve brought that bigass bed with her, then. Gotten some use out of it.

…

H: Who’s she calling?

Ok: Oh boy.

Op: Well, well, well! Violin-boy!

Ok: Fantastic. Hey! I sold my soul for you! Hope it was worth it!

Ch: Er, you okay?

Ok: Yeah, I’m fine. I am pretty curious though.

Op: Oh! Stood the fuck up!

Ch: Wow, he just shot his own rich girlfriend down to play with his stringy stick!

Ok: Violins are way more than just stringy sticks! But yeah, he did shoot her right down, didn’t he? Starting to think I dodged a bullet.

H: You literally died.

Ok: I know what I said.

Op: I guess Hitomi dodged the same bullet. Traded in one deadbeat for three smokin’ hot girlfriends. Can’t see how that’s not a win!

G: Uh, her family? Whom she still remembers?

Op: Er…yeah. That’s a good point.

…

Op: Oh, she mad.

Ca: Teenage relationships are just like that sometimes. You feel all these big emotions and-Huh.

Ch: And you throw up yarn all over your room? What’s going on here?

Ok: We’re back on that weird shit again, aren’t we?

Op: Does she not notice any of this?

Ok: She just got shot down by her own boyfriend. Cut her some slack.

Op: Did the bed just…Okay, it ate her. It ate her and threw up even more yarn.

Ca: This is all getting very…witch-like.

G: I thought only Puella Magi could become witches.

Ca: So did I. But clearly my knowledge is very obsolete.

Op: Goddamn, Homulilly! You butterfly-effected the universe something crazy!

H: How is this my fault?

Ch: Oh, there’s another freaky teddy-bear. At least we know how they’re made.

Ok: Teenaged angst?

Ch: Most terrifying force known to mankind.

[shadowywerewolfqueen]

Ladies

Suptober Day 13: Ladies

Dean was standing in front of his floor length mirror, a shirt held in each hand. He kept bringing each shirt in front of him and stared at himself, trying to figure out which shirt he should wear for his date tonight.

“You should wear the green one, it brings out your eyes,” Sam said from behind him.

Dean dropped the gray shirt to the ground in surprise. He scooped it off the floor before turning around to look at his brother with a glare. “Don’t sneak up on me like that!”

Sam pushed away from the doorway and walked further into the room. “Sorry. Are you actually nervous about this date?”

Dean huffed and threw the gray shirt on the bed. “Well, yeah! You said you had the perfect date for me!”

Sam grinned. “Oh, I do! Not to mention, it will be a double date with my friend, Cas. He’s totally chill, a little dorky but a really nice guy. I really think both of you are gonna like what I planned for you guys.”

“I’m just looking forward to meeting Charlie,” Dean said, grabbing his jeans off the bed and walking into the bathroom. He walked out a few minutes later, dressed in a pair of black washed out jeans and a green long sleeved dress shirt. He ran his hands through his hair, spiking it a little bit before spraying a few puffs of cologne. He slipped into his loafers and then looked at Sam expectantly.

His little brother nodded. “Looking good! Charlie is gonna love you!”

Dean grinned jauntily. “That’s what I’m hoping for. So, I’m meeting Charlie, Cas, and Morgan all at Luigi’s, correct?”

“Yep and you better get going or you’re gonna be late,” Sam said.

Dean grabbed his car keys and wallet off his bedside table. “Alright, I’m going! You’re the best little brother ever!”

Dean hurried to his car, Sam’s voice echoing behind him. “Good luck and have fun!”

Dean smiled when his beloved Impala came into sight. He rubbed his hand along her side lovingly as he slipped inside. He turned the key and the engine roared to life. He pulled out the garage and headed to Luigi’s, the best Italian restaurant in town.

As he drove, Dean thought about his date. He had never told Sam that he was gay, but somehow his little brother had figured it out. He wasn’t scared to tell Sam, he knew his brother wouldn’t care, the timing had just never been right. When Sam had told him about the double date, he had been nervous at first. According to Sam, Charlie had short red hair, green eyes, was a book nerd, and was going to school to become a computer engineer. Charlie didn’t sound like Dean’s idea kind of date but decided to give the guy a chance at Sam’s insisting.

He pulled into the restaurant parking lot fifteen minutes later and headed to the entrance. Sam had described Cas and Morgan as well, so he had an idea of the people he was looking for. He spotted a group of three sitting on benches and headed towards them. There was a guy that fit Cas’ description to a T: raven black hair, ocean blue eyes, strong chin with stubble, trim waist, thick thighs, and wearing a trench coat. He was honestly the most gorgeous guy Dean had ever seen and he felt his cock jerk in his jeans.

As he got closer, his smile fell. The two people next to Cas were not what Dean was expecting. There weren’t two guys sitting next to Cas, one with red hair and green eyes and the other with dark blonde hair and brown eyes. Instead, two ladies were sitting next to Cas who matched the descriptions Sam had given Dean. 

Three heads snapped up at Dean’s approaching footsteps. He forced a smile back on his face as he stepped in front of them. The redhead stood up and held her hand out. “I’m Charlie! Nice to meet you; Sam has told me a lot about you.”

Dean shook her hand and said, “I’m Dean, nice to meet you too. Sam has told me quite a bit about you.” Dean whispered under his breath, “Although, he left out a few major details.”

“What was that?” Charlie asked.

“Nothing.” Dean turned to the other two people. “You must be Cas and Morgan.”

“Hi Dean,” Morgan said with a small wave of her hand.

Cas got to his feet and held his hand out. “Hello Dean.”

Dean shivered at Cas’ deep voice. It had a low timbre to it that stroked over Dean’s nerves, causing goosebumps to spread across his skin. He desperately wished that Cas was his date rather than Charlie. He shook Cas’ hand and nearly whimpered at how warm the other man’s skin was. “Hi Cas, it’s really nice to meet you! Sam is always talking about his dorky best friend who is going into zoology.”

Cas gave a short laugh. “Yes, well, that is a very accurate description. I’m not the best in social situations, and I have a habit of going on long tangents about bees and their impact on the environment.”

Dean smiled warmly. “He may have mentioned that once or twice.”

“Hello, are we gonna go inside or just stand out here all night?”  Morgan asked.

Cas and Dean broke apart. “Yeah, let’s get this party started,” Dean replied. He held the door open and let the three of them inside before following.

He told the hostess there was a reservation for four under Winchester. “Yes sir, it’s right here. If you’ll please follow me.”

They followed her to a booth where she set the menus down, told them their waiter would be with them soon, and walked away. Cas and Dean slid in first on opposite sides even though Dean wanted nothing more than to be pressed up against the other man’s lithe frame. Charlie slid in next to Dean and Morgan sat next to Cas. 

Their waiter appeared, took their drink orders, and then went to go get their drinks.

“So, what’s everybody getting?” Dean asked.

Morgan set the menu down and replied, “I’m getting what I always get. Caprese salad and eggplant lasagna. I’m vegetarian.”

Dean barely kept the frown off his face. Thank God, Sam hadn’t set him up with Morgan. There was no way a meat man such as himself could date a vegetarian. “I hope you don’t mind me ordering the meat lover’s lasagna then,” he said.

Morgan shook her head. “Everybody has their preferences. Meat is not mine.”

“Well, I’m with Dean. Their meat lover’s lasagna is the best item on the menu along with their Tiramisu Icebox Pie,” Cas said with a grin.

“Cas, you’re a man after my own heart. Meat and pie are the two main staples of my diet,” Dean exclaimed. “I don’t normally go to fancy places like this. I would prefer a beer, a burger, and a slice of pie over this any day.”

Cas nodded. “So would I. I tried to get Sam to let us meet at the Roadhouse, but he said it wasn’t fancy enough for a double date.”

“He better not let Ellen hear him say that,” Dean replied.

“You know Ellen?”

“Yep. She’s married to our Uncle Bobby. We practically grew up at the Roadhouse. Her barbeque bacon burger was my idea. It’s become one of her best sellers,” Dean said proudly.

“No way, that’s one of my favorites! Her apple pie is the best thing I've ever put in my mouth,” Cas said with a dreamlike sigh.

“Does anybody care what I’m having for dinner,” Charlie cut in.

Dean finally looked away from Cas. “Oh, yeah sure. What are you having?”

Charlie made a “humph” sound before saying, “I’m gonna do the spaghetti. I’m not a vegetarian like Morgan but I do try and limit my meat intake.”

Dean tried to cover his groan by taking a sip of his coke that the waiter had brought a few minutes ago. He was going to strangle his little brother. Even if Dean was into chicks, Charlie would not be it for him.

“That’s cool. The spaghetti is really good,” Dean said.

The waiter returned, took their orders, and left them alone once more.

“So, do any of you guys already know each other?” Dean asked.

Cas shook his head. “No, I don’t. I don’t have many friends in general. Like I said, social interaction isn’t my thing.”

“How did Sam convince you to go on a double date then?” Dean inquired.

Cas glanced at Morgan from the side of his eye before looking back at Dean. “He told me he had picked out a date for me who might be my perfect match.” From the way he spoke, Cas was thinking the same thing about Sam that Dean was.

“Yeah, he told me the same thing. Fancy dates like this aren’t really my thing. I’d prefer to go to the movies or a walk on the beach or in the park. But he begged me until I finally agreed,” Dean explained.

Cas grinned. “That sounds much better to me as well. Obviously, I enjoy going to the zoo or an aquarium or even a museum. Somewhere I can be more relaxed. Fancy places like this have such high expectations from its patrons.”

“I totally agree. I’ve only worn this shirt like twice. My normal getup is jeans, boots, a t-shirt, and a plaid overshirt. I’m glad being a mechanic lets me dress like that. I couldn’t imagine having a job where I had to dress up every single day,” Dean replied with a large smile.

“While zookeeping requires a uniform, it’s all khakis which is quite comfortable. I agree that wearing a suit and tie all day would be annoying.” Cas looked down at the blue suit, white dress shirt, and blue tie he was wearing. “I only own this one suit and it usually hangs in the back of my closet. I’d rather be in my trench coat, jeans, t-shirts, and Converse.”

“If the two of you hate going to fancy places and dressing up so much, then maybe you shouldn’t have come in the first place,” Morgan snapped. She herself was dressed in a knee length light pink chiffon dress.

“I’m not super fond of dressing up either,” Charlie piped up. She was wearing a purple blouse and gray dress pants. “I’m with the guys on the jeans and t-shirts.”

Morgan rolled her eyes. “You’re all a bunch of uncultured swine.”

“Cupcake, be nice. Not everybody likes to dress up like you do. Leave the guys alone,” Charlie chided.

“You two know each other?” Castiel asked.

“We would have told you, but you two started talking to one another again,” Charlie said a little crossly. “Morgan and I have known each other for years. We went to high school together. I call her cupcake because that’s her favorite dessert.”

Cas nodded. “Ah. So, how did you two meet Sam?”

“Same as you I’m sure. We had a gen ed class together. I met him when we took Intro to Philosophy together. Morgan met him in Human Sexuality,” Charlie explained.

The waiter reappeared with their food. He passed it all out, refilled their drinks, and left them to their meal.

“Dean, you said you were a mechanic. What is that like? I’ve always admired a man who works with their hands,” Cas said with a sly smirk.

Dean blushed at the obvious flirtation. “It’s great Cas! I got hooked when I had to rebuild my Chevy Impala that my dad wrapped around a tree. I got my license and have been working for my uncle for years now. Once he retires, he’s leaving the business to me. Working on cars is like a giant brain game. You have to figure out what pieces aren’t working and then replace them. Sometimes, the problems are obvious and other times, it’ll take me hours before I figure out what’s wrong. Getting to be outside and blast my rock music while I work is a plus.”

“Oh, I love rock music. My favorite band has to be Queen but my favorite song ever is Stairway to Heaven,” Cas said before taking a bite of his lasagna.

“Dude, Queen and Zep are awesome! ACDC is probably my favorite but Simple Man and Hey Jude are my favorite songs. My mom used to sing Hey Jude to me every night before bed,” Dean said with a fond smile.

“That’s very sweet Dean. Sam has never really talked about your parents much,” Cas said.

Dean dropped his gaze. “That’s because they’re both dead. Mom died in a freak house fire and dad died when he totaled the Impala. My mom I miss a lot, but my dad became a mean ole drunk so I don’t miss him as much. I know that’s bad to say, but it’s the truth.”

Cas reached over and rested his hand atop Dean’s. “I’m so sorry Dean. My parents aren’t dead, but we haven’t spoken in many years. They didn’t approve of me being… of my sexuality. If it wasn’t for my brother, I’m not sure where I’d be.”

Dean turned his hand so their palms slid against each other. “That’s awful Cas. I’m sure my old man wouldn’t have approved of… my sexuality either. Sam was what kept me going all these years.”

“I’m gonna head to the bathroom,” Morgan announced after finishing the last of her dinner.

“I’ll go with you,” Charlie nearly shouted.

Dean and Cas barely paid them any attention. Their hands were still touching and their eyes were locked with one another. They wore matching smiles as they stared softly at each other.

“Uh Cas, I need to tell you something,” Dean said.

“Go ahead,” the other man encouraged.

“When I said my dad wouldn’t approve of my sexuality, I’m sure you assumed I was bisexual or something else since Sam set me up with Charlie. The truth is, though, I’m not really into the ladies. I’m gay. I’ve never told Sam, not because I was scared but because there was never the right time. When he talked about setting me up with the perfect date, I thought he had figured it out. I can’t tell you how disappointed I was when I saw Charlie was a girl,” Dean explained.

Cas smiled brightly and brought his other hand up to rest on Dean’s. “I wasn’t happy when I saw Morgan. When Sam said Morgan, I assumed it was a guy. Now that I think about it, he never actually used pronouns to indicate her gender either way. I guess he doesn’t know me very well either since I’m also not into the ladies. I’m gay as well. I’ll be honest, the only person I’ve had eyes for all night is you.” Cas dropped his gaze as a blush spread across his cheeks. He whispered, “I may have had to talk my dick down like half a dozen times already.”

Dean squeezed Cas’ hand. “Dude, the moment I saw you in the parking lot, I felt my dick perking up. I’ve thought about Sam in a bikini more times than I’d care to admit tonight.”

Cas chuckled. “Would you be terribly upset if we told the ladies the truth and then got out of here? Maybe we could go for a walk along the boardwalk?”

“I’d love that, Cas,” Dean replied, his eyes sparkling merrily.

Just then, Charlie and Morgan showed back up. Dean did a double take when he noticed they were holding hands. Charlie looked at them with a grin. “Look boys, Morgan and I talked, and we decided we need to tell you the truth. We aren’t straight or even bi. We’re lesbian and together, for years now.”

Morgan nodded. “Yeah, this whole thing was Sam’s idea. He assumed the two of you were gay and thought you guys would make a great couple. We told him to just set the two of you up directly, but he thought this whole double date idea would be better just in case he was wrong about you being gay. Especially since neither of you ever told him to his face.”

“If he knew, he could have said something,” Dean snapped. 

“So could you,” Charlie retorted.

“Whatever,” Dean grumbled. “Uh, we’re sorry if you didn’t have a good time tonight.”

Morgan waved her hand at him. “Psh, it was entertaining as hell watching the two of you. You’ve had heart eyes for each other the moment you saw one another. You’re like two cute puppies.”

Charlie nodded. “I totally agree! You guys make an adorable couple. Anyways, Sam gave us the money to pay for dinner. We’re gonna get on out of here and let you two enjoy the rest of your night together. Maybe we can all hang out at Dean and Sam’s place sometime.”

Charlie dropped more than enough money to pay for dinner on the table as Cas and Dean stood to their feet. They all walked out the restaurant and exchanged hugs before the ladies headed off to a bright yellow Volkswagen Bug. 

Once they were gone, Dean turned to Cas. “I guess Sam was right.”

Cas tilted his head. “How so?”

“Well, he told both of us that he was setting us up with the perfect date. I gotta tell you Cas, you’re my every wet dream come to life,” Dean said as he reached for the other man’s hand.

Cas wrapped his fingers up with Dean’s. “I definitely have a thing for green eyes and freckles. I will enjoy being able to kiss every single one of them someday.”

“That’ll take you quite a while. I have them everywhere and I mean everywhere,” Dean replied with a smirk.

Cas stepped into Dean’s personal space. “I look forward to kissing every single one.”

“Well, I know one you can kiss right now,” Dean said cheekily.

Cas raised a single eyebrow. “That so?”

“Yep, I’ve got one right in the middle of my top lip. You wouldn’t be able to see it in this light, but I promise you it’s there.” Dean looked at Cas with a bright smile on his face.

“Hmm, well then, I guess I better get started,” Cas said before closing the distance between them and sealing his mouth over Dean’s.

[army-of-mai-lovers]

hello arthur!! tbh people are being terrible in your inbox and the last ask killed my brain cells so this is your free bingo card to talk about anything you like. also sometimes googling sharks with human teeth (exactly what it sounds like) helps!! much love <3

oh my gosh I’m OBSESSED with these photos they’re so cute!!!! and thank you for the bingo card Effie I appreciate it so much. I’m gonna rant about Deadly Class (a show I definitely don’t like and thus don’t run a fan blog for....smh) bc it’s on my mind and it looks like it’s just going to go quietly into that good night instead of being made fun of and dissected and I think that should change bc goodness gracious that show does not deserve a dignified death. also I’m gonna put this rant under a readmore bc this is gonna be long and it has nothing to do w atla. warnings for discussions of racism, callous mentions of murder and death, swearing, discussion of Nazis, discussion of gore, abuse ment

Okay so for those not in the know (which is probably everyone considering the show was on Syfy and it’s being canceled due to low viewership) Deadly Class is a teen murder drama set in the late ‘80s starring Lana Condor, which makes it sound like it was engineered in a lab to appeal to me. Literally my friend and I were in the middle of watching Schitt’s Creek, which I adore, and she was like “well I heard about this show called Deadly Class” and described it and I was like fuck Schitt’s Creek we’re watching this. It had a 64% on Rotten Tomatoes, which usually makes me nervous, but I was literally like “I don’t care because I know I’m going to love it.” 

And well. I did not love it. 

I truly do not understand how one fucks up “teenagers (mostly) of color go to murder boarding school in the late ‘80s” that bad (I mean the Russo brothers are involved and they fuck up everything they touch so perhaps it was just that). I haven’t read the comic the show is based on but it does appear that a *lot* of the issues of the show stem from the comic, which is...disappointing. Basically, our MC, Marcus, starts off the show homeless after his group home burned down (and it’s heavily implied that he was the one to do it) and gets hunted down by these elite teenage murderers who invite them to their murder school. 

Already, numerous problems are starting to show themselves. First of all, Marcus is Latino, which, yes, it’s very cool that the MC is Latino, except he is literally the white-passingest man I’ve ever seen in my life, and I’ve seen my dad. I didn’t realize that he was Latino until they showed his extremely stupid backstory in a shitty animated sequence and whoever was voicing his dad did this really, really thick Nicaraguan accent and I was like wait a damn minute. So then, I looked it up, and the guy playing Marcus is named Benjamin Wadsworth, which immediately made me think that they had pulled a Noah Centineo and made me think this fully white actor was half Latino (and yes, Latinos can be white, but I think Marcus is supposed to be a nonwhite Latino, and I thought Benjamin Wadsworth was both white and non-Latino). But you know, as an light skinned ethnically ambiguous mixed kid myself, I thought I owed it to him to dig a little deeper, and turns out our pal Ben is mixed (also, he’s like six months older than me and married, which is a trip). And like, okay, I guess I’m glad they didn’t get a white non-Latino man to play a Latino character, but they literally got the whitest looking Latino they could think of to play him. He originally auditioned for Billy. Billy’s the token white. And the producers were like “wait you have Latino ancestry?” (how they found that out I don’t fucking know) and let him go for Marcus. And like. Okay. The character in the comics is light-skinned but he does not look white, and Benjamin is not a good enough actor for them to just pass on the actors who surely auditioned for that role and were more visibly Latino but like. Okay, I guess. 

Second of all, this show is mega racist and it starts to reveal itself when you look at how the murder kids are styled in literally their first appearance. What struck me the most was the fact that the Latina (whose name is fucking Maria, for heaven’s sake) was wearing a sexy red dress and Day of the Dead makeup, which, I’m sorry, huh? That just so happens to be the Mexican girl’s murder outfit? I’ve tried to give them the benefit of the doubt and speculate that maybe she wears it to like, subvert people’s expectations, but at this point idk how this is subverting anyone’s expectations nor why she’d be so invested in that. Also, she’s supposed to be a teenager. It’s fucked up to sexualize any of your child characters but it really hits different when it’s your Latina character (and yeah, I know the actress playing Maria isn’t a teenager, but still, it’s the principle of the thing). And then of course, the Black guy, Willie (no he’s not related to Billy they were just like yeah two guys with rhyming names in our main cast sounds legit) is a gangbanger dude who talks the way that white people think Black people talk. I keep waiting for this guy to have one line that’s not complete garbage, but I’m five episodes deep and so far nada, which sucks so bad because there’s like, kernels of an interesting character buried in this horrible racist trope. Also, they had him sleep with a N*zi. I hate it here. Lana Condor (her character’s name is Saya) gets off fairly okay, at least in this first shot (they don’t have her wearing a kimono to go murder people, thank fuck), but the way she behaves is super weird, like kinda flirty towards Marcus, kinda badass but not enough to actually do anything, etc. Billy’s white so they couldn’t make him a racist caricature or anything but I have no idea why he’s here. See, instead of talking about the real politics of the real world, Deadly Class makes up fake prejudice that honestly makes the lok bender/nonbender bullshit look sensible. Maria, Willie, and Saya are Legacies, which means that their families are established murderers (fun fact: the N*zi girl is also a Legacy, because her father murdered hundreds of civil rights activists. And the characters of color align themselves with her. I don’t understand.) Billy, and later Marcus when he decides to go to murder school, are Rats, meaning they have no affiliation with established murder groups. So, in this show, the people of color have privilege over the (mostly white) Rats. Make it make sense. Further, this means that Maria, Saya, and Willie should have absolutely no reason to hang out with Billy, and yet they do because the Russo brothers have heard that the kids these days like the found family trope, so they put five unlikely friends in a room together and insinuated that they could all be besties. I swear, this show is the La Croix of found family tho, in that there is absolutely no flavor whatsoever. None of the characters develop into a found family. Saya is bound to care for Marcus for reasons, Maria is using him, Willie is also using him, and Billy is only his friend because they’re both Rats. Saya and Maria are already friends (and honestly their friendship is the most compelling thing in the whole show). There are no other connections between the characters. But they’re totes a found family!!!!/s

Also, they don’t let Saya be mean. Every character says “oh Saya’s such a bitch” but do we ever see Saya being a bitch??? No! Saya is literally just a nice girl who is kinda quiet sometimes and murders people and has a tragic backstory. There’s an argument to be made for Maria being more bitchy than her tbh. And like, fine, if you want Saya to be nice, she can be nice, but stop telling me she’s mean then!!! If you’re gonna tell me that I’m gonna get to see mean Lana Condor in a leather jacket in this show then deliver bitch. 

There’s truly so much more I could talk about (Chico??? What the fuck is Chico’s arc???? What in the actual hell were they thinking when they were writing anything to do with Chico????? my DUDES WHAT IN THE SAM HELL. also making Billy straight was so fucking stupid he’s literally gay come on now, also Master Lin is so fucking useless what is he even doing here) but instead I’m going to outline the version of Deadly Class my friend and I have been talking about while we watch the inferior real Deadly Class. 

lots of things are the same actually because there are some elements of the show that have potential. Marcus is still homeless at the beginning, everybody still thinks he burned down the group home but he didn’t, Willie is still a pacifist, he and Marcus are still partners for their first murder school assignment, Saya’s mean (but like actually), Billy still has green hair and is the token white of the group (although a Billy of color.....thinking), and they all hate Reagan

in an ideal world Willie and Maria would have different names (Willie bc his name rhymes with Billy’s and that’s fucking stupid, also Willie is just a terrible name in general, Maria partially because it sounds way too similar to Marcus and I don’t understand why the guy who wrote this couldn’t make his characters have different sounding names, and partially because no Latina character of mine is going to be named fucking Maria), but for the purposes of this outline I’ll keep their names the same for clarity.

Marcus doesn’t initially have his rep. He’s on the streets when he sees a girl his age (Saya) come out of this elevator in the back of a restaurant brandishing a sword, and decides to go into the elevator, sees the stash of weapons, and decides to steal one so he can fend for himself better. 

also keeping the detail of Rory murdering a bunch of homeless kids, but now Marcus knows that Rory is actively hunting him down. 

in the process of robbing the school’s weapons collection, Marcus figures out that it’s a murder school

Master Lin catches Marcus robbing the school, they fight, Master Lin overpowers Marcus and ties him up. He says the weapons are for students only, and Marcus says he’s applying. Lin asks what his qualifications are, and Marcus says “you know that group home that burned down three months ago? all the kids that died? I started the fire.” 

(also no shade to Benjamin Wadsworth but in this version he is not playing Marcus. Marcus is not white-passing)

Master Lin initially doesn’t believe him, but Marcus presses on and eventually convinces Master Lin that this is really what happened, and so Lin welcomes him to murder school. 

Marcus’s first class is Poisons, and his lab partner is Billy, who takes a shine to him and shows him around school. There’s no Legacy/Rat nonsense, but you do have normal high school drama adapted slightly for murder school. Maria is the prettiest and most popular girl in school, Saya is the mean girl/valedictorian, Willie is the jock, and Billy’s the punky weirdo. 

Marcus is, of course, the new kid with a reputation to live up to. 

Things kind of fall apart when Willie and Marcus are paired up for an assignment: to seek revenge on somebody. 

also Willie’s backstory is extremely different. his dad was a Black Panther, and he was murdered by the FBI when Willie was a kid. distraught, his mom moved to Texas, where she started working a corporate job and rose really high in the ranks. To maintain her status in the company, she had to do some really horrible things, including working with the FBI to take down other civil rights activists. Willie found out about this and was absolutely horrified. his mother insisted she was doing this so that he could have a better life, but he refused to listen to her, and ran away, and ended up at murder school. 

Willie got into murder school because Lin knows who his mom is, and assumes that Willie is just as cutthroat as she is. he gains a reputation as well. 

also, Willie’s extremely wealthy, and this shows in the way he dresses (preppy jock vibes)

you don’t find out about this backstory for a minute tho bc unlike Albert Kim and the Russo Brothers, I can wait until the right opportunity presents itself for a backstory drop. 

ok anyway back to what I was saying earlier

they have to seek revenge on somebody. Marcus asks Willie if there’s anybody he wants revenge on, and Willie very sincerely says no. Marcus scoffs at him and says he’s clearly had a very easy life, to which Willie replies, “Well, who do you want revenge on?” 

Marcus immediately says, “Rory.” 

So they track Rory down, and since Marcus hasn’t actually killed anybody, he hands the weapons over to Willie. Willie frowns and says that he has nothing against this dude he’s never met before, so Marcus should be the one to hurt him. Marcus says that this is a group project and Willie’s got to pull his weight, and they get into an argument

the argument gets loud, and Rory hears them fighting and starts chasing them. 

in the midst of the chase, both of them divulge their secrets to one another. Willie laughs hysterically and says that they deserve each other bc they both lied to get where they are, and now they’re going to die because of it

Rory backs them into a corner, and Marcus uses one of the swords he tried to steal earlier to shank Rory

They throw the body in a dumpster, and after this, they’re friends, and Marcus decides he’ll fit right in at murder school. 

ok so that was only one episode but things to look forward to in the version of Deadly Class that only exists in me and my friend’s heads: Marcus dealing with the emotional and moral fallout of his first murder, Willie trying to figure out what it means to be a pacifist in a world so hellbent on doing violence towards him, Saya being mean to everyone except Maria, Maria convincing Saya to relax and have fun, the gang bonding in a Breakfast Club style situation adapted for murder school and making a joke about how this is like the Breakfast Club because it’s the 80s and the movie just came out, Saya and Maria falling in lesbians, Marcus and Saya being depressing edgelord besties, Billy being gay and fighting his abusive father, Marcus and Billy being uncool weirdo bffs, Willie and Maria rolling their eyes at Marcus and Saya’s cynicism, Billy coming out to Marcus and talking about his experiences being gay, which makes Marcus think “hang on, why do I relate to that?”, Willie seeing Marcus make a sarcastic comment about kissing a guy and having a crisis, Marcus and Willie falling in love, the gang taking a road trip to Vegas to murder Billy’s dad and giving Billy a gnc thrift store makeover on the way, and eventually the gang murdering the shit out of Ronald Reagan. 

[steponmepinkjun]

I NEVER FINISHED MY STORY OMG. ok so i left off at being too proud to tell my friend she was right and kpop fucked hard. the difference between u and me is that i’m too good of a liar. too good. i kept up the “i hate kpop it’s cringe” facade for ALMOST TWO WHOLE YEARS, I SHIT YOU NOT. why? bc my dumb ass, extra ass, dramatic ass self thought “ok if i’m gonna have to deal with the embarrassment of admitting i’m wrong, i better do it in such an extra ass way it’ll knock ur socks off so hard that YOULL be the one embarrassed not me.” the original plan was to learn the entire choreography to bts dope, bc it’s the song that she told me to listen to and inevitably the song that got me into them, but later switched to bts fire bc i saw too many of those “choreo matches w any song” videos, and then her birthday party came up. and here’s the real kicker. her birthday is April Motherfuckin Fools. so it would be So Perfect for me to reveal my kpopism as a birthday present And a april fools prank in one. so i was Set on the Reveal being on april 1st, but the day rolls around and god that choreo is so fucking hard and i am Not a dancer. never have been. so i abandon that and go ykno what… i’ll do it Next Year. BC MY BITCHASS WAS LIKE NO THE MOMENT IS TOO PERFECT TO DO IT ON A NORMAL ASS DAY ITS GONNA BE ON APRIL FOOLS ON HER GODDAMN BIRTHDAY OR NOT AT ALL. a year rolls by, i’ve told most of our friends except her and they’re all in on it, i’d made so many subtle kpop references to her without her realising they were fully intentional and had too many scares where she almost figured me out but i lied my way out of it, and i’d given up on showing off with choreography bc i couldn’t make that shit look good. i’m not a dancer. i am, however, a rapper, and a damn good one, so i inhaled the agust d mixtape and decided i’d just rap the eminem of kpop’s anthem at her face. in korean. and change the lyrics at the end (if u haven’t listened to agust d, the bridge repeats “i’m sorry” a lot) to “i’m sorry i kept this from u for so long” and “i’m sorry i actually ult got7 not bts” (this was like the april after skz debuted ok i was holding onto got7 for dear life knowing full well skz we’re going to convert me smh) and the best part? she never saw it coming. her official present was a cd with a bunch of kpop on it but she thought it was just a personalised mixtape for her so i told her to play the first song out loud and she knew the song Instantly. it has a long intro so she was like “i guess u did listen when i recommended u this song!! i knew you’d like it since u like rap so much!!” and then i started rapping and i shit u not. she started SCREAMING. like the initial reaction was her jaw dropping and then instinctively covering her mouth but when i kept going and she realised i wasn’t fucking around she just fucking screamed like a banshee. at the end during the sorry bit i threw off my jacket to reveal a got7 shirt on the inside and she fell off her chair and started rolling around on the floor. needless to say it was every bit as satisfying as i thought it’d be LMAOOOO afterwards her ass was like “I CANT BELIEVE U HID THIS FROM ME FOR OVER A YEAR” and when i tried to explain my ego couldn’t take the “i told u so” she was like “you know i wouldn’t have made fun of you for it right? i would just be glad you’re not hating on my boys anymore” so basically i’m a big dramatic fool and she was always too good for me.

don’t mind the weird spaces here my ipad is being all fucky wucky w me rn. damn sad to hear ur sideblog experience didn’t go so well, i’d have shown u the cool side of the fandom if i knew 😤😤 leading u thru the cursed halls of kpop stan tumblr like a sketchy tour guide that’s actually 3 small raccoons stacked on top of each other like a trench coat, like “over here we have the fanfic writers that honestly need to publish a book, over here we have the gif makers that are responsible for my entire camera roll, if we take a quick swerve past the death threat anons and the twt fanwar screenshots - mind ur feet bub the 14 year olds were tryna make a grab for ur ankles - ah here’s the holy grail of shitposts, you might be here for hours, to the right we have the weird aussie side of the fandom that projects our childhoods onto chanlix but also all the members as we decide what their life in australia would’ve been like, and down there is a secret trapdoor to the blogs w endless random headcanons that will make you laugh, cry or blush depending on if the author woke up and decided to choose violence today. enjoy your Stay!” but then again i’m not so active on tumblr anymore (ngl you’ve become the highlight of my tumblr experience these days, interaction wise,) so maybe all my Local Hotspots are inactive now. i know a bunch of them are, it’s sad. “i don’t fw stan twitter for the same reason i don’t hang out in meth dens” oop. guess i’m a meth addict. no but i get u i rly do, it’s a hellhole out there, but the fact that things get shared and spread a lot easier than on tumblr and how short most things have to be (therefor keeping up w my adhd attention span without having to resort to the mental torture that is tiktok, with the added bonus of not always needing headphones.) that i just. couldn’t leave if i tried. maybe i should try being active on tumblr again but it’s a dying site in comparison.

“their music doesn’t consistently hit for me as much as skz” i’m sorry we can’t be friends anymore. what. what. you don’t dramama ramama ramama hey? you don’t feel a little jealousyyyyyy, naega anin? you don’t shoot out, shoot out, shoot out, or aremdaeun love killa love killa? you can’t be your hero du du du du du du du du du dududu? u disappoint me. literally like everyone i know who likes skz music likes mx music like it’s a rite of Passage. they’re kindred spirits, monsta x music is like skz’s music’s cool but mildly heterosexual older brother. neither of them know what a bad song is it runs in the family. and both their music runs in my VEINS. whenever i describe my music taste they’re always the first two that come to mind, skz being my number 1 bc they are my best boys but mx bc of the Flavour. pls listen to the entire the code album then get back to me 😤🙌 ok but fr ur so right they are 7 of the finest men i ever seen (yes i say 7 bc i’m including wonho cause he deserved better and i’ll die on my ot7 bullshit.) like don’t get me started on them either LOL i LITERALLY downloaded that one insta video of changkyun working out his back n arm muscles w his tattoo showing bc i needed that shit saved for Science. they could do Anything w me like frfr. yes vixx is the bdsm contract group i’m telling ya they wildin. or at least they were. it’s been years since their last comeback idk what they’re doing anymore tbh. and yeah that makes sense, savouring the hyperfixation i feel it, but also i’m so attached to skz that i never let it die. like i hyperfixate on other things and other groups but i will Always go back to skz cause they’re my homeboys. hell, they’re my home. being a predebut stay i’ve spent more time w skz than most of my actual family members at this point. but that’s just me you do u boo xx just know that if ur anything like me ur never letting go once skz it’s been my longest lasting fixation cause they hit like Nothing Else Do. ik i’ve already said that but i cannot stress it enough. they’re really special. i’m gonna stop here before i get all sappy and emotional bc i really love those boys so fucking much and i don’t drop the L bomb often. SIDE NOTE I WOULD LIKE TO SEE UR LIST OF GROUPS RANKED BY THORSt. i need to judge ur Taste. and omg cat&dog is such a guilty pleasure song bc the lyrics make me cringe so much bc while pet play can be fun they be doing it in more of an “i’m an innocent soft dogboy uwu” kinda way that just Does Not Sit Right with me. it comes back to the objectifying of asians that asians themselves don’t help in industries like these and maybe i’m looking too far into it when rly it is just wholesome n cute or maybe they are into some pet play shit idk idc i will bop to the song regardless but i will not acknowledge the lyrics nope.

YOURE RIGHT THO SKZ’S OPENNESS IS IN FACT, A BIG DEAL, i’ll grab them for u if u want but i found these twt threads of skz supporting the lgbt community and i just felt a special kind of happiness man like sure the delusional part of me likes going “haha they’re gay” bc my brain likes to imagine them as my polycule of mlm boyfriends bc sometimes thats what gives me the serotonin to get me thru the day ok don’t judge but also bc it’s nice knowing that yes i’ll never know them personally, but at least i can support them knowing they’d respect my gender identity and my pronouns, they’d respect who i choose to love, and that’s already more than the general public can say so shit, it is special! it’s special that they don’t treat being cishet like the norm - they constantly remove gender from their songs and speech entirely, they don’t assume all stays are female anymore, we don’t talk abt the babygirls incident cause we got babystays in the end outta that ok, and it’s just. so refreshing and important to me bc i can’t get that anywhere else!! like my semi ults are the boyz and while i love them very much and there’s no way all 11 of them are straight i refuse, i do get just a little bit sad whenever they she/her their fandom by default and call them their girlfriends n shit even tho i do still identify as a girl, i’m also genderfluid/nonbinary/transmasc, and i have a very love/hate relationship w my womanhood and rarely use she/her pronouns, cause it’s like, do you not see me? see us? the ones who aren’t cishet women? i mean i know kevin does bc he congratulated a fan who came out as nb but it’s just not the same as the openness we get w skz. like how do i trust cishets i could be supporting them as a queer person when in reality they’d call me a slur. what would i know, behind the screen? so it’s so good that skz go the extra mile to make it a safe space for everyone. this is already long enough i will reply to the second half of that ask in another message… tomorrow cause it’s 1am and i’m tired gn -felix bi anon

I'mma have to start putting these under a readmore so that i don't absolutely make everything who is still following me for some reason go totally fucking insane 😂

NDJDHWJJAHFNAKBSJSBFBHHDBDNAJD YOU HAVE NO IDEA THE FACES I WAS MAKING READING THIS, I WAS FUCKING CACKLING AND GASPING EVERY OTHER SENTENCE SO HARD THAT I SCARED THE CATS NDJWHSHSB the fact that you went "oh you want me to get into kpop? Give me a hot minute, and I'll give you a whole ass private concert for free" biduehsjdbd biiiiiiiiiiitch you're a fucking ICON, I stg I could NEVER 😂 (and not just because I couldn't find a tune if you gave me a printed set of Google maps directions and that I embody the steriotype that white people can't dance, like my sister kept sensing me tiktoks of the whole "dance like a white girl" trend going lmfao look it's you and eventually I was like "sis please this trend has me feeling like being white is a disability and these mothafuckers are being ableist 😭 also I could NEVER be that on beat so yall ain't even doin it right 😭😭😭😭"). Tbh if I told one of my friends (lol what friends, i got jokes) to get into Skz and they showed up at my bday and performed the entirety of I Got It I would simply shower them in money and go "aight everyone else go home, you are no longer needed, you are being laid off, your position has been eliminated, we're downsizing, the company is moving up and you're moving out, you are not qualified for this role any longer, best of luck with future endeavors" 😊

I think part of the reason I can't deal w Twitter is the exact reason I refuse to leave tumblr, in that I've been on tumblr since 2006 and twt since 2008, and tumblr literally has not changed at all, not even a little, whereas going from the early days of twt where there were no corporate sponsorships or ads and you had to manually copy and paste someone's tweet and @ them to retweet it, to how it is now, like 90% ads and showing me shit from the timelines of people I don't even fuckin follow n whatnot, it's just not enjoyable. Idk how anyone finds anything on twt, it confuses and frustrates me because I am old and have not adapted well to technology changing 😂 But arguably, the skz fanbase doesn't want me on skztwt anyways so like it works for both of us lmfaooo. I am old and cringey, and also still think of twt as stream of consciousness whereas tumblr is your teenage bedroom where you can decorate the walls with anything that interests you. I do really love the nonsensical kpoptwt shitposts tho fhshsbdjjss like it is a very specific flavor of mental instability that I enjoy immensely 😂 OH and also I initially misread part of that and thought you were saying you actually irl do meth and I was like 😳 WHAT DO I SAY TO THAT. HOW DO I HANDLE THIS. Like how do I express like "I wasn't being judgy of people who use substances cause I've been there but I was just being insensitive 😳" And then went back and reread it and was like WHEW, IM JUST AN ILLITERATE FOOL 😂😂😂😂 ejeywhdhrhjwbfbdjshdhdhd I spent like an hour bwign like "IS THE REASON WE GET ALONG BECAUSE THEY'RE ON METH???? WHAT DO I DO WITH THIS INFORMATION??????" hrhehshe I am literally a fuckin idiot it's fine

It's not that I don't fw them, it's more like... Okay so like there is no situation in which I am going to skip a skz song if it comes on shuffle. You will not ever catch me NOT in the mood to listen to Sunshine, if God's Menu comes on we are THROWIN the meager amount of booty meat I got hither and thither, I could be in the happiest mood of my life but if Ex comes on I will stop to SOB. And I'm not like that with most music, so mx just falls into the category of "there is a time and place." Idk why but it just doesn't forcibly grab hold of my heart and ass the way skz always does. I really don't WANT my skz fixation to ever end, but I know that eventually it'll stop giving me dopamine bevause my brain is my worst fucking enemy 🙃 like my arcana fixation is to date the longest running hyperfixation I've ever had, going on almost three years, and I used to not be able to spend every single second of every day thinking about Asra, but now... I just feel nothing when I look at arcana stuff. As you can probz tell by the fact that I hardly post arcana anymore 😂 So I know that eventually all my happiness will end, it always does, I can never stay just as obsessed with something as I was for long. I CANT SHARE THE LIST BECAUSE I DONT *HAVE* TASTE YET 😭 I'm basically just compiling a list of any group someone tells me I should look into, ranked by how strong the kitty purred upon googling pics of them 😂 My mom read my ass to FILTH over txt lmfao she was like "they're not that adorable. Maybe your standard for adorableness has gone down with You Know Who still on hiatus 🤔" bfjwhdhd like MOMMAAAAA THE LIBRARY IS CLOSED 😂 she attacks me any time I even hint at stanning other groups, she is a skz purist and stans skz only, unofficial Momma Stay of All Stays keeping me in check lmfao.

I feel like skz really do follow thru on their promise that they're a safe space for stays, it's nice to see that they hold space for anyone and everyone in their fanbase and do it in a really simple and elegant way, I feel. Like they never make it seem like "okay here are the fans and here are the token weirdos that were only recognizing to make a buck off of them" the way a lot of artists make it feel like 😑 like they don't go out of their way to act like it's some revolutionary act to do the bare minimum of not shitting on certain parts of the fandom, if that makes sense. They feel very "yeah, of course we love all our stays, this is a welcoming space for literally anyone, that's how it should be, that should be normal," instead of like "Hi fans we love you 😊 and special shoutout to you ell gee bee tee folk, make sure to buy my rainbow merch after the show!!!" you know? Like, they're the friends who would never make you feel weird or different for some shit, the friends that take the attention off you if something they know ur sensitive about comes up, instead of weirdly snapping at whoever brought the unfomfy thing up which ruins the mood and makes you feel tiwce as bad, yk? They just give off this vibe that they, and the space they create with their music, is just a genuine and chill place to be and hang out and relax and bond. I feel like they'd be the friend group that is so goofy and sweet and silly and accepting and lovely and always makes you feel loved and excited to be alive 🥺 They are all good noodles 🥺🥺🥺

[tfw-no-tennis]

hxh....MUSICAL

as soon as i saw that a hunter x hunter musical from the year 2002 starring the OG 99 VAs existed, i knew i has to see this...so i set out and watched the nightmare of zoldyck (i would later find out that theres ANOTHER musical, which i plan to watch too)

luckily its all on youtube subbed! in 360 quality...oh hell yes lmao

ok i logically knew this was gonna be a musical but seeing the characters singing is like. a lot. THIS IS SO STRANGE 

musical illumi is played by a woman which is interesting. shes got a good voice 

i think they just panned to killua but it was so pixelated that i legitimately could not tell hvbadjkfbjkdsf

i have no idea whats going on vhbajdfhhajsdf theres a bunch of people falling over on stage...i think theyre dying? who are yall 

oh shit backup dancers?

lmao illumi killed the backup dancers rip.

oh that IS killua lol. s/o to the 3 pixels that are visible 

is this gonna be the zoldyck arc but a musical? lmao

OH WAIT IS THAT KURAPIKA AND LEORIO? i cant even tell lmaoooo

i can 100% tell these are fan subs lmaooo i love bad fan subs SO MUCH it makes a viewing experience even better

this is p much just a musical version of the manga/anime so far lmao i love it 

the way theyre spelling zoldyck is. a lot 

is every character gonna get an intro song. how much of this musical is singing and how much of it is dialogue cause theres defs a range w/musicals 

lmao i love gon leorio and kurapikas interactions even here, they rlly feel like two parents being dragged around by their energetic kid 

i cant even see the set at all so im just gonna assume theres like, the gate and all that behind them, but it all just looks like a dark wall to me lmao

i love singing exposition 

HISOKAS IN THIS???????????????????? oh my lorddddd 

OH i see now in the description that hes played by the 99 VA too lmao i love it 

wow musical hisoka rlly b like [writes himself into the zoldyck family arc]

oh here we go w/the song introducing the zoldycks 

damn grandpa got mad flips 

this is. wild 

its especially wild that alluka isnt here bc she like...didnt even exist yet at this point in the story 

zoldyck family sitcom wow 

i see the gon/killua romance is still going strong in the musical 

oh so they did all the training and goin thru the door stuff offscreen lol

this is actually doing a pretty good job expanding on the canon stuff from this arc lol so props. espec w/showing more of killua being scared of illumi 

oooh this is interesting actually, this is like....an AU where illumi is present during this arc, and how that would change things. And Also They Sing 

the zoldycks are so fucked up lmao 

also i feel like theres some ‘early adaptation’ character weirdness going on, like w/the grandpa, who seems much less intense here than in the anime (at least after seeing him in the yorknew arc), and milluki, who seems like a gag character here lmao

oh my god lmao is hisoka here to visit illumi?

the hilarious irony of illumi telling killua that assassins cant have friends, then going to hang out with his good buddy hisoka

kurapika is the only one here with a brain cell (for now) 

ah yes hisoka and illumi doing their nasty murder flirting thing 

HISOKA IS SO NASTYYYY I HATE HIM tho his actor is very good and smarmy

OH its canary!! is there uh. blackface goin on there. i cant actually tell, what with there being only 3 pixels present at any given time

really love how half of this is just the regular arc but with the characters singing abt stuff during it 

the lady playing killuas mom has a rlly good screeching voice jesus lmao 

ohh i love musical fighting so much

the sound fx on kurapikas sticks are cracking me up

butlers got mad cartwheels

oh theyre doing the coin thing! this is so out of order lmao

oh my god i love that theyre doing like, sick dance moves while coin flipping

ah the zoldyck messenger hawk makes an appearance. i love that thats canon and real

the 12 yr old gay romance is REAL even here 

the subs seems to be translated very literally, especially in the songs, so its honestly not clear what theyre even singing about vbsjkdjhfskjfd

gon and killua singing about each other is adorable tbh. also i love how silva asks killua abt his friends and killua is like yeah i made some friends. and then only talks abt gon ahjsduhfabhskdf gayboy 

ok so the zoldyck arc is like, ending, but theres still an hr of musical left so whats even gonna happen lmao. also where did hisoka go

oh no the audio and video arent synced anymore huvbhjadfbhjsakdf

oooh they asked canary to come w/them, thats cool

theyre having a party??? hvbajdsfbhasjkdf

oh shit??? what did zeburo just do to killua??? WHATS GOING ONNN lol this is UNCHARTED TERRITORY 

OH GOD IT WAS ILLUMI. SHOULDVE KNOWNNN

omggg all their formal outfits....everyone cheering wildly at kurapika is cute 

LEORIO AND KURAPIKA DANCING.....

the fact that both killua and gon are taller than kurapika in this is rlly funny 

the idea that the zoldycks are also highly trained ballroom dancers is super hilarious to think about, even moreso when you consider how isolationist they are 

seriously grandpas got mad flips

also i love leorios outfit 

this feels like a filler arc tbh. and i dont mean that in a bad way!

leorio trying to get kurapika to go to the hot springs with him lmaoooo

HVDSJBJFSBFJHS HISOKAS BACK. IN DISGUISE. OH MY GOD 

hisokas stage presence is fantastic gotta say 

damnnnn dad zoldycks got mad flips too. guess it runs in the family 

props to the actors for managing to keep their wigs on while flipping around like that 

its so fuckgin funny thats hisoka just introduces himself as illumis friend, when this whole arc is all about how assassins Cannot Have Friends 

so hisoka is just here trying to get family approval too huh

gon miming a fishing trip was adorable and realistic...sometimes u get skunked and It Just Be Like That

leorio is rlly tryin to shoot his shot w/kurapika and kp is just Not Realizing huh vbjsdufjbsaukjf

wow leorio breakin the fourth wall like that lmao 

wow so illumi hacked killua. rude 

hisoka and illumi are lowkey hilarious in this 

leorio is rlly sending every signal possible to kurapika and kp is like. No 

leorio: killua is a scary murder baby, but also im adopting him 

kurapika singing abt how weird it is having friends after dedicating their life to Revenge(tm) is v on brand 

HISOKA OH BOY 

LMAOOOO HISOKA IS SUCH A FUCKING SNITCH I CANT 

no wonder illumi didnt wanna tell him abt his evil plan lmaoooo he fucked up even telling hisoka that much clearly 

the zoldyck siblings just staring at hisoka in confusion bc How The Fuck Did This Clown Get In Our House hvbhjdksfnjksdf

you can tell the subs are off when the audience is cracking up but you dont even see a joke there lmao

oh my goddd hisoka using bungee gum to make everyone dance is. hilarious 

oh my god synchronized dancing 

HVBSHDJFBJDSKFHBSJ illumi doing a dance routine independent of hisoka and hisoka being like ????? vhbjsdkhfjkjsdnfkj THIS IS HILARIOUS

supremely funny to me how illumi makes such a big point abt assassins not having friends, yet hisoka is announcing himself as illumis friend w/every given opportunity hvbhajdkdfhjskf

this feels so filler arc i love it. thats so charming to me since the 2011 anime doesnt have any filler (from what i can tell?) 

kurapika and leorio rlly feel like killuas parents here lmaooo

this is all dramatic but kurapika keeps repeating what leorio says and its cracking me up hvbajhkdhfbjsk

i lov this fambly 

ah, even in the musical illumi is still such a manipulative bastard 

i feel like the quality just went down EVEN MORE, which i didnt think was even possible hvbhjkdsfskf. at least the audio is synced w/the video again

illumis got a good evil laugh 

this is the exact brand of dramatic angsty filler content that i was hoping for in this lmao i love it 

oooh more zoldycks 

honestly this is more how i expected the zoldyck arc to go in canon hbshjdkujfkjsfdas

dramatic gay filler angst + somewhat incorrect fansubs = perfection

OH SHIT CANARY 

BRO DID SHE JUST DIE???? OMFG

the subs keep calling illumis power ‘spells’ which seems to imply that illumi is some sort of assassin wizard rather than a nen user hvbsudhfkjsdjgf

come to think of it, what point was the manga at when this musical was written? it has to be pretty early on, maybe just as nen was being introduced

gon boutta go ham on illumi...Get His Ass

OHHHH GON DOING THE ICONIC ARM GRAB....ARM GRAB REPRISE

gon doin the good ole reliable shounen ‘punch your friend and yell at them so they snap out of a funk’ lol

i do love how typically shounen this is. friendship speeches! but delivered by SONG!

illumis main hobby is butting in at the worst possible moments 

HISOKAS BACK OH BOY

hisokas playing card blocked killuas hit hvbhjakdhsfjnakdsf thats like in jojo when those manga blocked dios knives 

wow the whole zoldyck squad is here

ooh forbidden zoldyck lore lmao

killua: mom u guys are lame im joining this much cooler family now. bye 

i love how hisoka is just weirdly lurking around for all this zoldyck drama lmao

silva seems like such a bro in this but i feel like hes rlly not like that in canon vhauidfhbsjhdkjfk

oh nope there he goes w/the evil laugh lmaooooo

sorry dude but leorio is his dad now 

gon sniffing zeburo hgbajkdfshbjkdfjnsjdk oh my god

oh hell yeah some synchronized main character finale dancing 

actor showcase! everyone loves kurapika which, same 

ah so the director of this musical also directed the sailor moon musicals, which i didnt know existed but of course that exists...thats funny considering the hxh mangaka is married to the sailor moon mangaka 

anyways that was fun honestly!!!! i fuckgin love musicals, and musical adaptations of non-musical source materials can be like, SO different tonally, but this honestly felt like a fun filler 

it was really interesting seeing something based on the canon from this early on - as i said above, some of the characterizations (like the zoldycks) seems a bit different than we’re used to, but others were spot on - like hisoka only showing up intermittently to sow chaos and do nothing else vhjkadhbfhkjdsfnj im assuming the yorknew arc hadnt happened at this point, but hisokas actions in this musical were hilariously similar to how he acted in the yorknew arc, so, props. 

plus it was cool to see the ‘what if’ factor w/hisoka and illumi also being there, espec illumi interacting w/killua bc its so wildly different from how killua reacts to any of his other family members - hes clearly scared of illumi, in a way he isnt w/anyone else, and that was done well here w/the scene where illumi threatens killua’s friends to get killua to listen to him

also the angst was honestly great, and there was some REALLY sweet wholesome parts that i loved. and the music wasnt half bad either!!

i think the VAs did a great job playing the characters - hisokas VA was especially great (and i really loved kurapika too). gons hair was not very similar to how it looks in the show so it was a little more obvious that he was being played by a grown woman, but still a great performance. 

anyways fun times, i love musicals and this was a fun ole 2000s filler shounen musical adaptation

[blacksurvivalnostalgichanges]

black survival characters as denny gornzales

Adela: “Hahaaa, hangmaaan, I got yoou~” “that looks just like the guy living in our basement” “what?” “yeah, the guy, hanging by his neck in the basement, you know that guy. the dead one?” “how are you so calm about this- why am i just hearing about this now?”

Adriana: I do NOT get girls. Like, why does the one that live with me always try to eat me? Does anyone know?

Alex: Just wanna go for a walk and stare at my friend’s BACK! I’m not saying a fuckin’ word to my friend, I just wanna  look at the back of his head! Without a wallet or a phone.

Arda: At some point in the future, we’re going to invent time travel. Scientists and secret agents and military operatives will go back in time to the 13th century BC, with all the high-tech gadgets they have in the future, they’re gonna have top-of-the-line equiment, high-tech gadgets, and a Nokia phone that they stopped making in, like, 2002 or something.

Aya: “Admit it! I fooled you. You’re done.” “haha, oh really? Well you know what they say. They thought they fooled me, until they got to know who were really fooled.” “w... what?” “Eh-you heard me! You thought that you had been fooling me, but it turned out you were the one finding out that someone else were getting fooled.” “Who else is getting fooled??” “Someone else in that someone is, in what someone would be, getting fooled.” “I don’t understand.” “Yeah you know what I think I’m having a stroke”

Barbara: Ah yes, the most important invention of all time: email. It’s just like texting but worse in every way

Bernice: My teenage girlfriend left me because I'm just a decrepit old man. But little does she know that I’ve drunken from the fountain of youth, and now I’m a dashing young man again!

Camilo: Uggh, I’m just- I’m sick of teaching these kids, day in and day out! When do I get to see these kids dance? When do I get to watch any of these teens dance to get low?

Cathy: How’s he doing, is he alright?” “well, it turns out... he’s got lots of....” “Oh noo” “Lots and lots and lots of....” “oh, god, just tell me- i can take it just tell me-” “A whole bunch of, a whole lot of, just oodles and oodles of....” “c’mon man, you just gotta tell me, alright?” “Just so much, just oh so much, oh my goodness I can’t even BELIEVE how much-” “what is this, i- i don’t understand-” “just OHHH JUST SO MUUCH-” “i don’t understand, just tell me!” “He has so much life left to live, and so many supportive family members. He’s gonna be fine.” “what the fuck”

Chiara: Is this some kind of government conspiracy, or is this just sad?

Daniel: You think I want you back? Well, I got news for you bitch: I’m immortal. And I can turn into a bat. And I can’t go in the sun.

Echion: (vomits into a bucket)    Stop trying to make rats sexy

Eleven: Maybe the dad had an illegitimate child with a.... refrigerator?

Eva: “Daddy finger, daddy finger, where-are-you?” (looks at the screen in surprise and awe)

Emma: I told you I knew the alphabet! You thought I didn’t know the alphabet but look at me now. I got all the way to C-

Fiora: My existence is meaningless if Jeremy Renner doesn’t know about it!

Hart: “Excuse me, can I go to the bathrooms?” (gasps in british) “What the   Fuck?!” “I haven’t seen anyone go to the bathroom in fifteen years” “Why would anyone go to the bathroom??” “It just doesn’t make any sense!” “Guys my bones are getting squishy”

Hyejin: (looking frightened while an endless echo of “darn” sounds off) HOW COULD YOU LEAVE ME HERE?! WHY?! WHERE AM I????

Hyunwoo: You always want to at least consider divorce.

Isol: Have YOU ever been in a tank? I don’t think so! You don’t know jack shit about flashlights

Jackie: Classic Stan, always..... killing people

Jan: This man knows what he’s doing, AND i like his abs, I’m gonna pay him money.

Jenny: “There’s a picture of YOU on the wall. Why would I have a picture of YOU on the wall of MY office?” “you do, in your house in Orlando.” “yeah, but it’s just out of frame.” “yeah”

JP: (bang bang bang bang bang) Aw man! They got my legend ass!

Lenox: “Hahaaa, hangmaaan, I got yoou~” “that looks just like the guy living in our basement” “what?” “yeah, the guy, hanging by his neck in the basement, you know that guy. the dead one?” “how are you so calm about this- why am i just hearing about this now?”

Leon: Then you have to get all wet, and you’re a soggy little boy for the rest of the day

Li Dailin: Alright, I’m calling 011. (after a bit the call goes “Your call cannot be completed as-”) Hello? My friend just jumped off the balcony-

Luke: My wife was cooking me dinner, and now she’s sitting? HA HA HA-

Magnus: I guess for bad boys, it is a challenge to change your clothes. 

Mai: I don’t want a fridge with a personality, just- bring me my saöces!

Nadine: Kids are apparently falling out of trees, while sleeping

Nathapon: O-do-horty. Odo-horty. I don’t know how to pronounce it.

Nicky: If you don’t wanna hang out with me, after I drove alll the way here in my unicycle, from Florida, then I can unicycle my way back home!

Rio: This glue can withstand unprecedented levels of embarassment!

Rosalio: Uh-oh, I smell a villain! My little villain sniffer is... sniffing a guy that’s up to no good.

Rozzi: ‘Cause the government’s out to get ya, NASA’s out to get ya, the NSA’s out to get ya, and your sorry ass better believe that I’m out to get ya.

Shoichi: “You gay?” Pfft. Yeah. Gay for my wife.

Silvia: Woah, dude, who walks? Ughh dude, who walks?! Who the fuck walks?! Ew

Sissela: “I have this disease that gives me brittle bones.” “What, like, all the time? “Nah, they’re just brittle in the mornings, usually harden around lunchtime, and at night... they get squishy.”

Sua: I got big dreams, and an even bigger ass.

William: Hey Jessica! You dumped me because you thought I was ugly? Well look how hot I can be.

Xiukai:  (stirring an edited-in pot) CAROL! WHAT THE FUCK, WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME SOONER?! WHAT THE FUCK, CAROL?! hrrrghn, CAROL

Yuki: Oh, it’s- it’s Drew, hey- (fast heartbeat sound effect) oh-

Zahir: So explain THAT, mister “cousin”! Why are you black?

[argylemikewheeler]

so this is a very specific prompt but could you write something where Mike thinks he’s homophobic like two years after will comes out as gay and goes to steve for advice on how to get over it and steve’s confused because mike’s never had a problem with being will or robin being gay and realizes that mike’s actually just jealous of will talking to other guys and helps mike realize he has feelings for will. Thank you so much!

part 2

By the fall of 1989, Steve’s BMW had been in three fender benders, had one headlight replacement, two flat tires in a week of each other, and a clutch replacement. No, Steve hadn’t suddenly lost sight in both eyes and all depth perception; he had been teaching the Party to drive. Max was really good at tailgating (and not stopping fast enough), El always got nervous and would slam on the breaks or pop a bulb with her powers, Dustin drove straight over railroad tracks way too fast, and Mike rode the clutch far too often. It was a strain on his wallet, but they were all really thankful. Mike more than anyone– which explained why he was wasting his Saturday afternoon sitting with Steve while he clumsily changed his oil.

They were in Steve’s driveway, Mike sitting by the front tires with his arms resting on his knees while Steve was under the car on his mechanic’s creeper. Besides just keeping him company, Mike also had the motive of wanting him alone to ask Steve something– maybe something that was safer to not ask while behind the wheel of a car, and possibly just under it.

“Hey Steve?” Mike poked his shin. Steve kicked his foot gently: he was listening. “Are you homophobic?”

Something clanged. “Am I what?”

“You know, homophobic?” Mike repeated, tucking his hair behind his ear. “A ‘phobe, if you will.”

“No.” Steve said, his voice muffled. “I mean, I try not to be bone-headed, but my mistakes are not because I’m an asshole.”

“Oh. Okay.” Mike nodded. He picked as his fingernail, waiting until he heard Steve put his tool down. “Am I homophobic?”

Slowly, Steve wheeled himself out from under the car. “Okay, where are you getting this word, Wheeler? Homophobic?”

“You know… around.” He muttered.

“Okay, well, Einstein. Did you bother to understand the definition?” Steve wiped his hands on his coveralls and sat up fully in front of Mike.

“It’s a compound word, Idiot.” Mike said, crossing his arms. “I know what it means. That’s why I’m asking.”

“I don’t think you do. Because you don’t show fear at the life and happiness of your friends– I mean, you’re not angry at them, are you?”

Mike bit his lip and bounced his head slowly side to side, the word slipping out. “Maybe…”

“About what? Because just because you fight with your gay friends doesn’t mean you fight with them because they’re gay. All my squabbles with Robin are because we were together constantly and sometimes, I’m a fucking idiot and can’t make change fast enough when there is a line out the door and she’s got a perfect SAT math score. Not because she’s gay.” Steve spoke quickly, sighing when he finished. His hands slapped against his legs, clearing the air for a moment and allowing Mike to meet Steve’s eyes. “That’s not homophobia, Mike.”

“Well, I don’t know!” Mike cried, pushing his legs down. “I got like, really really mad at Will the other week and I– I’m still probably really mad about it now. And I feel bad because…. he’s my best friend and I’m mad.”

Steve blinked at him. “That was the most explosively vague sentence I’ve ever heard. Give me more what happened?”

Mike twisted his finger, the knuckle popping quietly. “Will was over and we were just like, talking about our classes and stuff– he’s in this weird art class thing they’re offering kids who can like, draw and shit.”

“Which is Will.”

“Yeah, I know!” Mike snapped. No one was more proud of Will getting into the program than Mike. Absolutely no one. Mike stood by the main office, waiting for Will to come out of his meeting, and lifted him clean off the floor when Will walked out with a smile and a nod. Mike had never cried from smiling so hard before. He didn’t know it was possible before then. Before Will. “The class isn’t the problem… It’s who’s in it.”

Steve hummed and sighed. “Are they homophobic?”

“No! Still me!” Mike grumbled.

“Wheeler–”

“I am! He started talking about this one kid in his class, Charlie or some shit I don’t know– and I don’t care– but god every time he mentions this kid I get so angry. Like, I know Will’s gay and he’s gonna talk about boys but… when he does I just get so mad.”

Steve looked at Mike for a while, blinking and parting his lips only to abandon his sentence repeatedly. Oh fuck. That can’t be good.

“See? I am homophobic! I’m such a bad person! Fuck!” Mike scrambled to get to his feet, only to collapse back as Steve yanked his arm.

“That’s… That’s not what that is.” He said with a quiet laugh, shaking his head. It wasn’t funny, but Mike was missing the joke. “You aren’t hateful, Wheeler. You’re, uh, you’re jealous.”

“What.” Mike said flatly. “I don’t even know this Charlie kid.”

Steve stared at Mike, his jaw tight and lips rolling inward. He blinked and lifted his eyebrows. “Mike.”

“I’m not jealous! You know what? You really are an idiot.“ Mike rolled his eyes. He wasn’t sure what was worse: being terrible to his best friend or having Steve lie to him and tell him he was just jealous.

“I didn’t say you were jealous of Will.” Steve said slowly. “But perhaps, of Charlie… for spending so much time with Will.”

“I mean, yeah.” Mike scoffed. “That kid doesn’t know Will. He’s not funny or like, as cool as, you know, his best friend.” Mike motioned toward himself and rolled his eyes again. “Why would he be spending time with Will? He’s not… like, I don’t know, worthy.”

Steve clicked his tongue and grabbed Mike’s arm carefully– tenderly, like his words were about to become violent. Mike leaned back, eyebrows furrowing. “Mike.”

“Y-Yeah?”

“I don’t feel that way about Robin.”

“Okay…”

“I don’t feel that way about any of my friends. In fact, I only feel that way about girls that I like when they hang out with other men. And obviously like them better than me. That’s called jealousy.” He lifted his eyebrows, highlighting the word.

“I don’t get it. So you’ve got really bad game. What’s your point.”

“You aren’t getting mad because Will’s talking about another guy. You’re mad because you think Will might like this guy.”

“And that’s homophobia!”

“No, that’s called having a crush, Mike.” Steve was slow with his words, almost handing them over to Mike with cupped hands. In the silence, he held onto them until Mike was ready to take them.

Mike swallowed and it felt like he had inhaled the draining oil from Steve’s car. “That doesn’t make sense. I’m not gay.”

“Okay, valid response… but that doesn’t mean you can’t like other guys. You can be a whole bunch of things and still like guys, Mike. It’s possible.” Steve shrugged. “Sometimes the kid in your business 101 class is cute, and guy who always comes in and rents history documentaries that you stupidly love hearing the summary of the following week. Sometimes it happens.”

“No. No! I– I don’t… That’s scary. W-What I can just start liking guys? That’s… No. I’m not… Since when?” Mike sputtered, shaking his head.

He’d never considered the possibility. He’d always been so relieved to like girls; he’d never have to be what he’d heard so frequently was so terrible from his father. Mike was so fucking relieved when he’d realized that he had the ability to like and love women. There wasn’t a thought that the relief came from a place of worrying he’d ever actually like a boy. That wasn’t right. Mike wasn’t wrong.

“It’s not like a virus, Wheeler. C’mon. It’s just life. Crushes aren’t plagues.” Steve kept his hand on Mike’s arm. There wasn’t fear or even repulsion. Mike wasn’t sure what was happening. Everything felt like a lie.

“I don’t like Will.”

“You just said this boy wasn’t worthy of hanging out with Will. No one says that about casual friends.”

“Well he’s not! He doesn’t even care about Will… At least not… The way I do.” Mike admitted, setting his jaw as he heard himself say it. Steve sat quietly, waving him on.

“What makes you say that?”

“I don’t know! I just… everything he does is… so cool and everyone just thinks it’s normal art or normal whatever, but it’s not, okay? They’re masterpieces and Will’s a fucking genius. At like, ev-er-y-thing.”

“Oh dear God, you poor fucking soul. You are so in love. I’m gonna hurl.” Steve laughed, leaning forward and wrapping his arms around Mike. He wasn’t sure why, but Mike felt like the hug was an admittance of pity, or failure. He was being coddled.

“I’m not in love. I-I’m not.” Mike argued, shaking his head. He was hoping to protect himself with a just a quiet denial. “That’s wrong.”

“It’s okay, Mike.” Steve held the back of Mike’s head, rocking them back and forth. For a moment, Mike was sure Steve thought he was actually holding baby, but accepted it the moment he felt himself start to cry. “You’re okay.”

“Why? Why do I care this much about Will? It’s stupid but he’s just… No, I don’t like him. There’s no way.” Mike pushed Steve away, wiping his eyes with a harsh swipe of his thumbs.

“Mike, this isn’t a bad thing. Crushes are supposed to make you feel good– what’s why we have them. We’ve found someone that makes us feel so good and so happy we just can’t stop thinking about them and how freaking cute and cool they are. That’s how it starts.”

“Well, I don’t…” Mike couldn’t even say he didn’t even feel that way about Will. He knew he did. He knew the prospect of seeing Will was the highlight of every single day. “I don’t want to feel this way.”

“Okay. That’s different. That’s okay too, but… Hm. Okay, so maybe homophobic is the right word.”

“What?” Mike blinked, sniffling.

“Maybe not towards Will though. Maybe think about how maybe you are– I don’t know– having that fear with yourself.” Steve mumbled, waving his hand around to stir up the words.

“… That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.” Mike said harshly. That wasn’t possible. Mike wasn’t scared, he just didn’t want to upset his father. Or his mother. Or his friends. Or his neighbors. Or his teachers. Or anyone at school… It was different. Mike wasn’t scared. He just wanted to not bother anyone. That’s all he had been hoping for his whole life; to just be quiet enough to disappear.

Steve shrugged and waved the thought away. “All I’m saying is let yourself feel happy.” Steve said. “And definitely get rid of this Charlie kid. He sounds like a snotty art kid.”

“He is!” Mike cried. “All he talks about is Monet.”

“The water lily dude? Oh, gross. Boring.”

“Hey. That’s Will’s favorite artist right now.” Mike said pointedly, crossing his arms. Mike had stared at that woman and her umbrella in that field for enough hours with Will to at least get it a little bit.

“Oh, so it’s okay when Will talks about him but not this other kid.” Steve chuckled. “That sounds… biased.”

“Um, no. Will’s like, super knowledgeable about him. And tells me all the names of his strokes and shit. This kid just like. Knows he painted that one bridge painting.”

“Oh, so now you’re an expert.”

“Well, yeah. Because I listen to Will! He’s always showing me stuff.” Mike explained flippantly.

Steve positioned himself back on the creeper, lying down and grabbing the bumper of his car. “Does Will always talk to you about paintings and art?”

“Well, yeah. All the time.” Mike nodded.

Steve pursed his lips and nodded to himself. “Okay, so, my advice? Don’t worry about Charlie. Like, at all. He’s a red herring– absolutely a moot point. Complete bozo, nobody, nothing.” He rolled himself under the car as if that was enough.

“Wait! Why?” Mike grabbed Steve’s leg and pulled him out again. “What does that mean?”

“Will definitely likes you too.” He smiled. “He’s testing to see if you like him too.”

“He is? H-He does?” Mike gasped, tensing. There was that relief again, but this time it felt so different. It wasn’t a protective sinking that stuck Mike to the ground beneath him; it was a lifting, glowing sigh that made Mike feel like he was weightless. He was afraid to speak, to shatter the moment in which everything didn’t seem so terrible.

“Yeah. Totally. I may not know anything, but seriously. Showing you the thing he’s the most interested in? Man, Byers is crazy about you. Definitely.” Steve wiggled the creeper back under the car. “You should ask him to go to the movies.”

“We do that every week.”

“Offer to pay this time.” Steve said, moving his foot to nudge Mike’s leg. “Like a date.”

Mike had never heard of the simplistic joy and closeness he felt when he was at the movies with Will ever being linked to people like that– like Mike, evidently. The way he felt, brightly shining in his own pleasant happiness in the darkness of the theater, Will’s elbow nudging his own, was not something Mike ever thought gay people felt. He’d been taught differently. Granted, he saw Will being happy and brilliant every day of their lives, but Mike never thought it was eternal. There was never going to be a day that love was going to run out or joy was going to run dry.

A crush was just a beginning. It was part relief, part terror. Mike had never liked another boy before, never thought he would. And now he had to reconcile that he had been slowly falling for one boy his entire life. The crush wasn’t new; it had been constant and was familiar by then. It was a future Mike had come to expect and look forward to. Maybe it was time he started it.

ao3

[ilguna]

i also have a list of shit my history teacher (this year) has said and done so I will share it with you:

warning: its really fucking long bc he would say/do shit MULTIPLE times a day

goes onto the next slide, “it’s a meme, get it?” proceeds to explain the meme (its the hey arnold meme with the first)

also goes onto another slide, with the twitter opinion meme. at the end of the paragraph it says “this class smacks, I’m lit”

“I’m going to beat up your brother. i am going to pummel him.”

On the 6th day of class he finally realized that there was a total of 6 guys and the rest were girls

student: “You should not put it in (as an assingment)”. teacher; “laugh out loud, im dead”

he was teaching us how to write a DBQ, the computer had a pop up saying that the battery was low, and then a spider shows up out of fucking nowhere, hanging from the ceiling. he CLAPS it, jokes about eating it, and then sets it on his desk (not in the trash can 2 feet away) so he can “deal with it later”

his endless military stories, specifically ORANGE DESERT

he wrote “if you would have had your thinking skull on” on my first DBQ

him saying “I hate this” after typing a word wrong multiple times while teaching us DBQ’s lmfao

“For the lols”

Threw a box of tissues across the room into the trash can

threw a box of tissues at a student

he had this obsession with throwing expo markers at his whiteboard, trying to make it land on the metal part so expect that a lot.

“Do you want me to drown him in a bathtub?” (which was about a student’s dog that had separation anxiety lmaoo)

Sang the rain drop, drop top song

The collars on his shirt turned up

“He’ll be beaten for that distraction” (after his son called him during his lesson and he willingly answered)

“Stay woke” 

“It was a hot boy summer for him”

expo marker landed on the metal thing for once thanks to a towel that was there

kyle (it must have been a story or something i dont remember)

He woah’d at some point

HAHA so there was a kid in my class that had got caught with a bong on the second week of school and he was suspended. when he came back to class, we were going over what the south grew in the U.S. very early on into colonization. and he used the bong kid as an example of a tobacco farmer

tried to eat a balled up paper

“important revolutionary war stuff”

“My bae, George Washington”

“They could’ve killed g-dubz, but they didn’t”

called george washington “g-dubz” frequiently

“Facts”

“Swagtastic”

he got excited over a military general (baron friedrich von steuben) for being a gay military general--”That was very well respected!”

“He had a ton of swagger”--referring to ben franklin

“His nickname was the swamp fox. You guys can call me that”

The snowball fight story--his brother was friends with a kid he hated next door. my teacher challenged the kid--Eric--to a snowball fight. In preparation, my teacher had froze snowballs, and so when he did have the fight, he LITERALLY knocked Eric out and left him on the front lawn unconscious (he was an elementary school kid)

one time he gave us the punishment quiz by accident, tried to make up for it by giving everyone the answer to #6. however, it turned out to be wrong so he just gave us all 100′s instead

another military story of the goat he bought from an old man with his buddies. unfortunately they had to kill the goat to eat, but the FACT that my teacher said this “a cute little goat--you know, baaa?” as if we didn’t know what a goat was 

He was the golf/hockey coach!! so not only would he talk about beating up the kids in the golf club

he would also do random golf swings all the goddamn time! with no gold club or ball, it was just air.

“You are about to get clowned, young lady”

pronounced pamphlet as pamplet fora good part of his teaching career (another story he told us)

“It’s definitely not the declaration of independence you mouth breather!”

George washington = bae on a powerpoint

“you tied me up real good”

“France also popped off”

Compares the Connecticut compromise to ppap (with the song and everything!)

Told someone to shut up after they suggested that Iowa was the least populated state (he’s from Iowa)

hick iowa, to be exact

Wrote 23 as 32, realized his mistake and said “oop im dyslexic”

“If it’s a purge, I’m killing everybody”

“Federalism, not onion!’

“Who’s the dumbass guy? Ducey!” (our state governor)

he got arrested once. his mugshot is on google images and everything

he got arrested bc some guy was destroying his house w a baseball bat at a party his friendw as throwing (but it was at my teachers house). my teacher respectfully punched him and brought him to the front lawn. called the cops when the guy wouldnt leave and ended up being arrested too. teacher thought his career was over and threatened the guy the entire way to the police station

“laugh out loud!”

“We beat the begeezus out of a bunch of british people”

pronounced wolf as woof

“Who was his daddy? Who’s his daddy?”

Called a swim cap a bonnet

“Kick!”--then proceeds to kick a tennis ball. before that he had just thrown it to get out of his way

“Jesus, you’re a big boy”

for like 2 weeks straight he used that same tennis ball to try and erase a whiteboard. and im not talking rubbing it on the board, he fucking threw it at the wall, getting it off little by little. he eventually gave up, though

“I’ll snot rocket into the trash can”

“Cause I realize most of you are morons”

was obsessed with the cowboy boogie

“Every time I cough, my tail bone hurts”

“Do i look normal?”

“I look like an old man”

“Shut up your faces”

“I see you back there, queen”

“Some of you girls need to learn from this article”--the article was old & about girls being submissive

“that would hurt some people’s feelings, but I’m not gonna show it hurt mine”

“He’s just--’meow’”--about his cat

he had a sweater that had his face on it, photoshopped over a boxer that a student gave him. he wore it during winter

flicked a tennis ball across the room with a hockey stick. hit the coffee thermo on his desk, stared for a couple of seconds, and THEN realized that it was open

First off, all you kids making memes about dodging the draft--we don’t want your dumbasses anyway” --continued to rant for a few minutes after that

he HATED the national anthem with a burning passion

“I’m old as shit”

also, his cat’s name IS meow cat

more expo marker throwing

“Hey there handsome”-- to the teacher next door

“Henry clay is going to haunt you until april” (unfortunately we didnt make it that far into the school year bc of covid. disappointed that i didnt get to be haunted)

Singing electric avenue

“but here’s the tea”

“Flagstaff is like--” *reaches as high as he can to put expo marker on the wall

“I’m adopting all of you, and we’re moving to saudi arabia”

teacher: “I’m gonna break bowers kneecaps in front of you. you still want to be on strike?” not bowers but a different kid: “no...?”

Cleaned the shades in the middle of him explaining something

“You know your pinky toe? this little roast beef?”

THE TURTLE SOUP STORY. when my teacher was still a kid, he found a turtle in the wild, and brought it to his grandparents house (they owned a farm). he took care of the turtle for a while, even after his grandfather found out. until one day he came home and saw blood everywhere, went to find the turtle to see it was gone. then found his grandfather chopping up the fucking turtle so they could have it for soup for dinner. his grandfather literally made him fatten up the turtle so they could eat it

“Did mr.*****--?” (referring to himself in 3rd person, also blocked out to protect privacy)

“i’m going to staple your nostrils closed. staple, staple. ‘I can’t breathe mr.*****!’ should’ve done your DBQ!!”

his pedo stache 

stood with a paper and smiled, thinking that a student was taking a picture of him when it was really the paper

doesn’t know who gaston is???

him: “I’m going to staple your noses together. One staple” Student: “*****’s piercing parlor!”

*singing* “beauty and the beast”

“I’m going to tackle you”

more random golf swinging

“What’s up (my name)?” me: hi *he then hits the bun on the top of my head on his way in the door*

And he did it again the next day

he literally made kids compete with pastries

which reminds me, he brought donuts in 2 days in a row like a week after that and make us (his first hour) take bites bc he realized he didn’t want to eat it. one of the girls was glad to take it from him, everyone else told him no

“Good morning (my name) how are you?” me: “I’m sick again... do you need help? (with the door)” him; “Actually, yes” (normally he can open the door even when his hands are full but there was a stack of pop tart boxes that were as tall as him so) i opened the door, he goes in and says, “thank you (my name), for not being rude”

the following quotes are for the Hot Seat

Student: “what do you do--?” him: “you’re in the hot seat!”

“Some people cry”

“La *****, luxurious”

“You sit here, and you stare (into the projector light)”

basically everyone in the class had to answer a question as a review. there was a stool in front of the smartboard, perfectly placed so that the projector light would LITERALLy be in your eyes. i actually got the question right on some miracle.

“2 points of weed?”

“Can I get some of that hot leaf?”

“They will make more drugs! You can’t do that much drug!”

“You guys bullied me and stole it”

“Whole rest of the nation sucked an egg”

“Whelp, let’s just kill myself”

“Do you guys know david chapel?” *sigh when everyone says no*

*some girls singing the national anthem* Him: “no! none of this, none of this!”

“Calibri’s for idiots” (the font)

“The only thing that was in--shit”

“and uncle sam--gettin lit”

“Their daddy--UH--”

“They’re going to blame the jews--my people” (he got a dna test done, he’s not actually jewish)

“Whatever you say, boomer”

“Use my words to plagiarize in college”

“I’m jewish, that’s offensive”

“Tell him he gave me instant cancer”

Me: “can i go to the bathroom?” him: “I’ll allow it”

him: “He’s antisemetic and it hurts my feelings” student: “what does that mean again?” him: “Hates jews :(”

“You guys can call me kingfish if you’d like”

~ after we said no to the nicknames, we tried to make one for him ~

student: “cornhusker!” him: “no, that’s offensive... and it’s also nebraska”

student: “corn picker!” him: “no--that sounds like a racist term or something”

“Unless corona really does take over--” (thank u, mr. for ruining the school year”

Student: “how old was she (his mom) when she had you?” him: “thirteen”

“My mom just turned 40 the other day...” (a joke)

him: “My brother got t-boned by a semi truck last night” Student: “Why are you laughing?” him: “Because he lived.”

“Yeah bc I would hide out in a public school with 300 new kids a year” (about him not living in iowa so he’s hiding out in az to get away from his “criminal record” (refer to the 1 time hes been arrested))

“Baby death?”

“Their family has more money than jesus”

*Standing outside the door yelling “CORONA” to students walking in”

“Hey I’m *****, f-word, blah, blah”

“We should fight our cats.”

“OH that’s a big chonk cat.”

“Mortal Kombat is pretty cool. I haven’t played in 25 years”

he told us in class once that we shouldnt open the front door if cops show up at a party. just to shut the blinds and be a little quieter bc the cops cant legally open the door

also one time he had a gun pointed to his face but he never finished that story bc he never liked it

during quarantine he set a DBQ as 1000 points (and i still didnt do it)

and “Here’s the tea, kiddos!”

honorable mentions: all the time he’s sent out emails bc theyre fucking hilarious

[shirorozutriea]

Ways of getting Jealous in a Gay Way

Hope you guys like this one. Day 4: Jealous

At the Rose-Xiao Long residence, there sat an heiress typing on her computer. Her eyebrows knitted together, and her eyes seems to narrow at the screen, minus the part where she is actually wearing glasses and is actually glaring at the screen.

 The door suddenly opened, revealing Ruby Rose in a black t-shirt and grey pants, bare footed, carrying a cup of coffee.

 “Hey, Weiss. How are you?” Said Ruby, placing the cup near the alabaster girl.

 “Aren't you supposed to be with Penny?” Spat Weiss as she continuously glare at the screen, aggressively typing her report.

 Ruby blinked before smiling slyly. She sat near the girl and began playing with the latter's hair.

 “Is my princess jealous?” Asked Ruby.

 Weiss scoffed. “Me? Jealous? No, why would you think that?”

 “Because, you've been glaring at the computer typing “I'm going to kill Penny.”.” Smiled Ruby.

 True to her words, it seems that Weiss wasn't writing a report and had gone proceeding to silently planning to murder Penny Polendina, ironically her girlfriend's ex who still like her.

 “Schnee’s don’t get jealous.” Gritted Weiss, taking a deep breath.

 Ruby leaned in and kissed Weiss’s ear.

 “Well, there's first in everything.” Whispered Ruby, gently nibbling at the latter's ear.

 Weiss bit back a moan. “That's unfair, Ruby Rose.”

 “All is fair in love and war.” Smiled Ruby, seductively.

 “You are so going to be the death of me.” Said Weiss, chuckling before kissing her lover full in the lips.

 Ruby cut off the kiss and kissed Weiss’ nose. “Now, tell me why are you jealous?”

 “I'm not.” Grunted Weiss. “I don't get jealous.”

 “Are you really?” Grinned Ruby. “I specifically remembered when Cardin somehow get a little interested in me and tried to hit on me. The keyword is “tried”.”

***

At Beacon Academy, all students are chatting and laughing all around the cafeteria. All talks varying from soul mates to exam results and to utter misfortune and many more.

 Everything and everywhere is rowdy, shouting here, shouting there. Plates and utensils clanking here and there. You can tell everyone is busy, including our resident jock and bully, Cardin Winchester.

 His group are all around him, his trusted three musketeers are following him. People are looking at them, curious and in wonder.

 Why, is Cardin Mcfucking Winchester is carrying roses and chocolates on a late February?

 The answer is pretty surprising.

 “Hey, Cardin. Whose this flowers and chocolates for?”

 Cardin grinned and brushed his hair. “To a wonderful woman.”

 “Weiss Schnee?”

 Cardin scoffed. “That bitch is just as scary as Glynda, no.”

 Cardin sighed and closed his eyes and spoke in a dramatic way.

 “I am talking about the wonderful and oh so gorgeous rose.” Stated Cardin.

 All eyes on him.

 “Ruby Rose?!” They chorused.

 Cardin blinked in confusion. “Why?”

 All eyes averted and shook their heads.

 “Well, good luck then. You'll really, really, REALLY, need it.”

 Cardin nodded and proceed to the table of our resident popular group, RWBY and JNPR. He saw Ruby eating with the rest of her friends. He approached the girl and tapped her shoulder.

 “Hello, Ruby.” Grinned Cardin, shyly. “Here, roses and chocolates. Hope you liked it.”

 Ruby blinked in shock and the rest had their jaw dropped.

 Ruby took the gifts. “T-thanks..”

 Cardin scratched the back of his neck. “So, would you like to, hang sometimes?”

 The question baffled the whole group and stared at Cardin, then the others looked at Ruby, then at Yang, and then lastly, at Weiss.

 “Why?” Asked Ruby, still in the stage of shock.

 “Well… the usual. Guy and gal.. hang.. date… yeah.” Shrugged Cardin, averting his eyes.

 Ruby stared at Cardin. She then looked at Weiss, who looked livid. She gulped at the sight and looked back at Cardin.

 “Sorry pal, can't do. You see, it's not just because you're a bully. But the fact that you are a guy, gives a zero romantic impression to me. Sorry.” Apologized Ruby.

 Cardin blinked.

 “O-oh… okay.” Cardin sniffled. “Well, hope your day is good. And sorry for bothering you.”

 “That's okay, buddy.”

 Cardin left crestfallen. Ruby sighed and looked at Weiss. Her eyes bore holes towards Cardin’s back, her jaw clenched as well as her fist.

 “W-Weiss?” Called Ruby. Weiss looked at her with menacing eyes, making Ruby flinch.

 Upon seeing Ruby flinch at her gaze, her gaze soften a little bit and spoke.

 “Ruby Rose. You're mine and mine only. Got it?” Snarled Weiss.

 Ruby smiled and nodded.

 “I'm always yours, Weiss. Nothing can change that.” Said Ruby, giving Weiss a peck on the lips. “Now, let's just continue eating.”

***

“I don't remember that.” Said Weiss, feigning ignorance.

 Ruby giggled and pinched her cheeks.

 “I could vouch that that actually happened.” Vouched Ruby. “I could ask Yang if you want.”

 “Humph. Fine, I do get jealous. But not as jealous as you.” Smirked Weiss. Ruby stiffed at the statement and laughed nervously.

 “Me? Psh, nah! When?” Asked Ruby, looking concern.

 “Just a couple of months, before we actually managed to tell the rest about our relationship.”

***

“Is anyone ready for the upcoming exams?” Asked Pyrrha.

 The blondes groaned.

 “Do we have to? Could we just sit here and listen and write, instead of answering a bunch of crap lectures we won't probably remember when we graduate?”

 Yang brushed her golden mane and slumped on the table with an audible groan.

 “Yeah.” Mumbled Jaune. “What she said.”

 “I'm surprised you aren't reacting at all, Nora.” Nudged Ruby.

 “Oh, I'm dying inside alright.” Chided Nora, clawing her face in frustration.

 “Hey, Weiss!”

 The group looked at the one who called their friend's name(in Ruby's case, girlfriend). Their eyes met with a blue and blonde pair, with the blonde waving and the latter looking absolutely terrified, like he might piss his pants any second.

 “Hello, Sun. Neptune.” They greeted.

 “Sup!” Grinned Sun, making a double finger guns.

 “What brings you here?” Asked Blake, her eyes narrowing.

 “Nothing! Well, something.” Said Sun, rubbing the back of his neck. “Professor Goodwitch asked for us to talk to Weiss here, y’know, tutor us. Oh, and Blake too.”

 “I don't mind helping you. Yang?” Said Blake, looking at Yang for permission.

 “As long as no one will flirt with you, that's fine.” Said Yang, scowling. Sun whistled and grinned.

 “Possessive girlfriend.” Laughed Sun. “Don't worry. I won't let anyone flirt nor touch, Blake here. I'm your best man.”

 Yang grinned and fist bumped Sun. The group chuckled at their antics, with Blake slightly flushed.

 “How about you, Weiss?” Asked Blake.

 Weiss blinked and straighten her posture. She looked at Ruby, the latter shrugged and urged her to agree.

 “Well, I suppose I could, help you, that is.” She said rather slowly, albeit a bit reluctant.

 Neptune’s eyes twinkled and grinned, which didn't go unnoticed by Ruby.

 “Really, snow angel?” Asked Neptune in glee.

 Weiss just simply nodded and said nothing. Sun nudged Neptune.

 “Can we sit with you?” Asked Sun.

 “Sure, the more the merrier.” Said Yang.

 “Now, onto the embarrassing stories.” Grinned Nora, Yang burst out laughing.

 “That's a good idea! We all know what's Jaune’ moment.” Snickered Yang.

 “Him getting caught wearing Weiss’ clothes, twirling around!!” Blurted Nora and Yang, giving each other a hi-five.

 Jaune frowned at the secret information and crossed his arms.

 “Ha ha, very funny.” Said Jaune, rolling his eyes.

 “As much as it was funny, it was pretty disturbing to see him do that. And in my clothes nonetheless.” Stated Weiss.

 The group burst out laughing.

 “H-hey, Weiss.” Called Neptune.

 “Yes?” Asked Weiss.

 Neptune brushed his bangs and clasped his hands. “Would you like to go on a date with me this Saturday?”

 The group howled and cheer, except Weiss, Yang and Blake, especially Ruby.

 “You go, bro!!” Cheered Sun, whistling.

 Weiss nervously laughed. “Why now?”

 “What do you mean?” Asked Neptune, tilting his head.

 “Why now of all times?” Pondered Weiss.

 “I was looking for a time to actually tell you, but I'm too much of a coward.” Said Neptune, looking down. “I'm sorry if you have to wait for so long, Weiss.”

 “Yeah, right.”

 The group looked at Ruby who is playing on her phone. Ruby noticed the stares and fidget at her spot.

 “What?” Asked Ruby.

 “Nothing, sis. Thought you said somethin’” Blinked Yang.

 “Look, Neptune. I appreciate your “effort” now, but I think we're better off as friends.” Smiled Weiss, apologetically.

 “But, you said you like me. A-and you, ask me to the dance.” Persuaded Neptune.

 “Neptune, that was in the past. Move on.” Apologized Weiss.

 “But I like you, Weiss. No—I love you! I want to be with you. And even if everything is against us, I'll still fight for you.” Declared Neptune. “Plus, your father approves me for you, surely you can't say no, right?”

 Weiss blood ran cold. Her father wants Neptune for her. He's making his move on her, trapping her again on his chains.

 “Dick move, Neptune.” Snarled Ruby.

 The group looked at Ruby in shock. The youngest, cussed. Oh dear.

 “I repeat. Dick move, Neptune. Mentioning her father at the most shitty time of the day.” Hissed Ruby.

 Neptune raised a brow. “What is it to you anyway, Rose?”

 Ruby stood up and slammed her fist in the table, making everybody flinch at the sound and action.

 “What is it to me? Weiss is my friend. And her father, is a bunch of bullcrap mixed together to form the shittiest, most asshole of a father extraordinaire imaginable. And don't get me started with all the bunch of shit labor he's doing to the faunus and his harassment towards his own daughters. Bullshit, I repeat, an utter fucking bullshit. He's name should be Jacque-ass.” Snapped Ruby, growling and glaring at Neptune.

 Neptune gulped, then chuckled. “Something tells me it's something more. Say, are you jealous?”

 Ruby's mouth clamped shut at the statement.

 Neptune laughed. “So you like her, huh? What a pity. Jealous? You should be. After all, her father approves of me, not you, dyke.”

 Ruby growled and grabbed his collar in anger. The group separated the two with Ruby shouting profanities at Neptune, who continue to laugh and insult her. Ruby broke free from her friend's hands.

 “Shut up! You piece of scumbag! So what if I'm jealous!! I have the right to! And I don't fucking care if her father won't approve of me! Well he better shove a bunch of sticks in his ass to find my fucking care!!” Cussed Ruby, pointing at Neptune.

 “Aww. A pissed dyke. Screw yourself.” Dismissed Neptune.

 “Text CARE to 6666 to get a chance to win my fucking care, you piece of flowery shitty Marigold.” Grunted Ruby.

 “Marigold?” Asked Weiss.

 “Yeah, shitty Neptune, Marigold.” Scoffed Ruby.

 “What?” Said “Neptune”.

 “You may have your hair dyed, but your personality isn't.” Spat Ruby.

 “So, you're the shitty Neptune flower Weiss was saying to us, huh?” Grinned Yang, punching her fist with her palm. “I so, wanna punch the hell outta ya, for harassing my friend. Guess it's payback time now, huh?”

 All of Ruby and Weiss friends glared at the numbskull. Marigold gulped at the sight.

 “Lemme hit him first.”

 Smack!

 Neptune was standing and glaring at Marigold.

 “That's for stealing my identity, son of a bitch.” Said Neptune. Marigold cowered in fear then ran away from them.

 “Ruby, aside from the surprise cussing. That was badass.” Cheered Sun. “Never thought you had it in you.”

 Ruby sighed. “Agreed.”

 “You're like, “Fuck you—urghhh!!”.” Laughed Sun. Everyone laughed alongside him.

 “But wait, why are you jealous?” Asked Jaune, his eyes narrowing at Ruby, who gulped.

 Ruby stared at Jaune wide eyed and looked away. “Uhh.. umm… well… ehhh..”

 Ruby gave Weiss a look, asking for permission. Upon seeing the look, she sighed and nodded. Ruby smiled.

 “Well.. Weiss and I have an announcement to make..” Ruby looked at everyone in their eyes and took a deep breath. “Me and Weiss are together.”

 “Wait, like, together together?” Asked Nora.

 “Yes. We are, indeed together. A couple you might say.” Confirmed Weiss. “Needless to say, I'm quite happy with our relationship.”

 The group grinned at the information.

 “Finally! After all the hint drops, you finally got it!” Cheered Nora, clapping enthusiastically.

 “Indeed. We were so worried you might not end up together by the time you realized your feelings with each other.” Nodded Ren, smiling.

 “I guess it's unavoidable. The looks and the smiles, you can already tell it base on those.” Grinned Jaune.

 “How lovely. Congratulations, you two.” Congratulated Pyrrha.

 “Way to go, sis!!” Whooped Yang, raising a fist, waving it.

 “I guess you both owe me now, Sun, Neptune.” Smiled Blake, slyly, looking at the two guys.

 Sun grinned and handed her lien, while Neptune shook his head smiling, also giving her lien.

 Weiss looked at the three bewildered. “Did you just bet on us?”

 “I wouldn't say that. They bet, but I didn't.” Smiled Blake, murmuring about books to be bought.

 “Well, Weiss. Care to go on a date with me later, after class?” Winked Ruby. Weiss blushed at the action, then nodded.

 “AYYYYIEEEEEEEE!!!!”

***

“Okay, you proved your point there. But I still hate that damn flower.” Scowled Ruby.

 “I do also hate him. He's like, a more dumb, idiotic, and prideful version of our Neptune. Do you think their somewhat related?” Pondered Weiss.

 “Not that I know about Neptune’s lineage.” Shrugged Ruby.

 Ruby grinned at Weiss and nudged her. “Still jealous about Penny?”

 Weiss huffed in frustration. “Most definitely. I could still see the girl liking you.”

 Ruby laughed out loud.

 “Don't worry, I assure you it's one-sided. Besides, I already have a wonderful girlfriend whom I would like to be called my wife soon.” Smiled Ruby, fondly.

 “Are you proposing?” Smirked Weiss.

 “Soon, snowflake. Soon.” Said Ruby, pressing her lips at the alabaster haired girl.

 Weiss broke the kissed, smiling. “What if I proposed?”

 Ruby grinned and leaned again. “I'll outrun you. I'm proposing first.”

 “Deal.” Weiss smiled at the kiss.

[pivitor]

Emotional Roller-Coaster This Week

So, the last eight days have been an absolute whirlwind. Some really great things happened. Some really bad things happened. I’m kinda still reeling. I had some big firsts, and spent some time with great friends, had some real catharsis. I also fell further into depression than I have in a long, long time, and, oh yeah, got diagnosed with a chronic illness.

I need to get this all off my chest, cause I’m drowning. Join me? 

Before we start, there’s two things you need to know about me. Both are things I’ve mentioned in bits and pieces on here, but here’s the full story:

1. Three months ago I had shoulder surgery to repair a torn labrum (I technically tore it when I dislocated my arm in high school, and it’s been popping out on me once every other year or so ever since, but my most recent [and now final] dislocation was very bad and sent me right to the doctor). I spent about two weeks out of work, just sitting at home on the couch in a sling. The pain wasn’t great, but it was worse mentally: I put on a couple pounds and immediately started to feel terrible about myself, and being stuck at home when I wanted to be out there, doing stuff with friends or with guys or to reach a point where I can move out, felt terrible. I wasn’t in a great headspace for a long time. As of now I have about 95% of my arm function back, and am fully healed, just trying to get back the last of my range of motion and gradually increase back to my old strength threshold.

2. This one is a bit more complicated. I’ve talked a lot here about how I grew up in a cult, but I never went into further detail. Well, here we go: I was a J*hovah’s W*tness. (I’m censoring this because I don’t want this showing up in searches) It wasn’t something I would have ever chose for myself, but when you’re born into it, you’re pretty heavily indoctrinated -- I thought it was the gospel truth despite having many reasons not to. They’re a very homophobic organization, so growing up in it wrecked my self esteem. My entire childhood and time as a teenager I thought I was worthless and doomed, destined for eternal destruction. I was often suicidal. When I was about 18 or 19 the cult printed an article “clarifying” their view on homosexuality, and said they recognized that some people are just naturally attracted to the same gender and as long as they don’t act on it they’re still “acceptable” to God. It’s dangerous bullshit that makes me so angry now, but as a brainwashed, suicidal teenager, it felt like the only chance I had to live a worthwhile life, so I got baptized into the religion, which is the biggest mistake I have ever made in my life, because once you’re a baptized member of the cult, if you leave you’ll be shunned by everyone you’ve ever known. Your own parents will treat you as if you’re dead. I was very zealous for a year or two before realizing that I just couldn’t do it anymore, but it’s taken me nearly ten years to fully wake up from the indoctrination, read information from outside religions, scientists, and former members who have left. Currently I still live with my family and have to pretend to still believe (because the moment I don’t they’ll kick me out on the street), and am on the cusp of two promotions at work. As soon as those go through, I should be able to save money to move out, which I wanna do before the summer, and then I’ll be completely free.

Okay, the rollercoaster week itself:

Pre-Monday: For about a week, a week and a half before this all started, I’d been experiencing some pain in my side that was making it hard to sit up for long periods of time. This normally would’ve been a major red flag, but thanks to the shoulder surgery, I’d been having random back pains off and on recently anyway. I assumed it was related to me overcompensating for the shoulder and left it alone. Big mistake.

Monday: So one of my promotions at work involves a coaching center we’re launching. We were supposed to do our first presentation last Monday, and when my boss showed up for it, everything fell apart. It wasn’t totally my fault -- the general condition of the office itself wasn’t up to par, and the boss recognized that there wasn’t much I could do about that -- but a lot was, and I spent all week trying to fix things and get them running, and running into one major roadblock and frustration after another. We’re finally doing the presentation today, but it technically still isn’t 100% fixed. Work has been a major, major source of stress all week. I don’t think I’ll mention it again because there’s not much more to it than what I’ve listed here, but remember that it’s hanging over my head all week.

Monday night I was invited to a birthday party for a friend from my gym. Since the cult doesn’t celebrate holidays, I’d never actually been a birthday party before, complete with cake and singing happy birthday and everything. It was really nice -- even though it was truly just a bunch of guys hanging around a bar watching the Eagles, it still felt like something really special. I also spent about a half an hour in my car before I walked into the bar trying not to hyperventilate. I don’t feel guilty at all as I may have once, but I was still really worried about being seen by someone and my family finding out.

Wednesday: Tuesday was my only truly normal day of the week, and even then, we had my cousin staying with us up until Wednesday, so even then it wasn’t truly normal. We normally have church on Thursday nights (I have to attend so as not to blow my cover, but I tend to stand in the lobby and play on my phone the entire time; it’s a nice chance to catch up on my reading usually), but I had a concert on Thursday I was not going to miss, so I told my parents I was going to a different congregation on Wednesday night, but instead I went to Starbucks and caught up on Crisis on Infinite Earths. It’s...depressing that this is what I’m reduced to, but I was happy that it finally occurred to me to just...lie about it.

When I got home and took off my shirt to change into my pajamas, I noticed a patchy, red rash on my stomach, side, and back, right around the same area I’d been having pain for the last week or two. I’d absolutely never had anything like this happen before, and I wasn’t sure what to do about it. I crossed my fingers that it was an allergic reaction, put some cortisone cream on it, and decided to wait a couple days to see if anything changed.

Thursday: On Thursday I drove up to Philly after work, and ate a few slices at my favorite pizza place, reading comics, until it was time for the concert. It was a free show from Pkew Pkew Pkew, a band I truly, truly love, and it was one of my favorite shows of the year. Just pure joy. They played for about an hour, but were the opening act, and I don’t care for the headliner (Beach Slang), so I had originally had a few ideas about what I could do afterwards, considering that their set was over by 10 or so. I could go home (coward’s option), I could go to the Barcade. What I really wanted to do was go to a gay bar or club. I’d gone right before my surgery and had a great time, but I’d been avoiding going back (or joining a dating app or anything else) until my arm fully healed because it would very much have gotten in the way of doing anything physical. I was finally in the place where I could use my arm, but now I had that strange mysterious rash, and didn’t think it was right to do anything like that until I’d figured it out/gotten it cleared up. I don’t wanna pass anything on to anybody.

By sheer coincidence, Philly’s Emo Night ended up being this very same night (this one is held once a month), so I ended up heading over there and dancing until 2AM. I got very drunk and had a fantastic time. But there were a lot of couples. There was this girl that kept hitting on me, and then getting pissy when I didn’t reciprocate. There was this extremely hot dude in a Misfits hoodie, and early in the night we were the only two who were dancing, and he gave me a high five that he pulled into a bro hug after the song, which got me all riled up, but I couldn’t work it into anything else haha. And then this group of about four guys or so showed up, dancing all night, very affectionate, cupping each other’s faces when they talked to each other and all that. I’d seen them before and both times thought they might be gay, so I stuck close and was kinda part of their group for the night, which was really really fun. At the end of the night, one of them mentioned their girlfriend, and I reeled way more than I had any right to. I had a fantastic night. I went home feeling very alone.

Friday: Friday was my gym’s Christmas Party, which, much like Monday, was my first ever Christmas Party. I had a really fun time chatting with everyone, eating, watching one friend get drunk, try to jump up on the rings, and get dragged home by his wife. We had rowing contests and the losers had to take shots. But there was one guy there I’ve always had a crush on, a very straight, very married guy, and he was looking extremely hot and was acting extremely funny all night, and it was rough. I went home and dreamed about him all night. I woke up feeling even more alone and frustrated.

Saturday: I was pretty depressed and listless by this point. Feeling really sorry for myself despite all the fun I’d had all week. I had plans to drive up to Asbury Park for an Aaron West and the Roaring Twenties show and I just...really didn’t feel like going. But I drug myself out of bed and made myself go, because you don’t miss the gig. Before the show I wandered around Asbury, basically torturing myself. I wanted to visit a restaurant but had eaten lunch too late and wasn’t hungry. I found a gay club but still had that rash, so I didn’t wanna go in. I ended up standing on the beach, in the dark, finally having a genuine smile as I dodged the waves, but also just thinking about how sometimes Kangaroos just walk into the ocean and...never come back. I was not in a good headspace. I made myself get off the beach.

The show though...damn, that show. Dan played the second Aaron West album, Routine Maintenance, from front to back, and it’s an album about Aaron making the people in his life proud of him, about his friends giving him direction, about finding redemption through being there for his family in their darkest hour. That kind of shit is my kryptonite to begin with, but all I could think about was how all I had ever wanted in my life was to make my family proud, and how I’d never be able to do it, how someday soon they’re just...never gonna talk to me again. I cried twice during the set. And afterwards I got to hug Dan and tell him how much the album fucks me up. It was really cathartic. I felt the cloud start to lift.

Sunday: So Sunday I finally go to the doctor about this fucking rash, which hadn’t gotten any worse but had not gotten any better either. The diagnosis?

I have fucking shingles.

For those who don’t know, shingles is the chicken pox virus. After you’ve had chicken pox it never really leaves your body -- it stores itself away in your nerves. As an adult, it can reemerge as shingles, which begins as an intense pain, then advances into painful rashes on one side of your torso. Without intervention, they can continue to spread and become almost immobilizing. I’m currently on a pill I have to take three times a day for seven days, which will stop the progression of the shingles, and then it will heal up on its own, but it could take a few weeks.

Thankfully, I’m not contagious -- I can only spread the disease if someone has prolonged, direct contact with the rashes. I can be around people, but like I feared, it does rule out sex for a while. The worst part is that shingles as a disease can’t really be healed. The symptoms will go away, but I’ll be susceptible to outbreaks the rest of my life. Fortunately, the doctor made it sound pretty manageable -- the pain in my side, in that exact same spot, will always be my first symptom, so as soon as I feel that I need to get to a doctor and get back on the seven day medication to end the flare-up. It doesn’t sound like shingles flare-ups are super common either -- reading up on it, it looks like most people have, at the most, three outbreaks in their life. But, it’s still a chronic illness, and it’s one that’s very rare to emerge at this young of an age -- this is something you normally get in your fifties or sixties, not your early thirties! 

Honestly, I could only laugh. Just my luck, right? I’m so frustrated. My arm’s finally reached the point where I can get back to trying to pursue guys, but nope! the shingles has to postpone it a few more weeks :/

But despite it all, the depression of the rest of the week had mostly lifted. I had processed it. I was feeling better. For a while.

Back in the spring I had joined a subreddit for former members of the cult, which is one of the best decisions I’ve ever made, as it let me share my story with people who had been there and understood, and really helped clear out the last remnants of the programming from my brain. Every once in a while different gay Ex cult member will contact me on there, and I’ve struck up a few nice casual friendships. Last week a guy reached out to me on there looking for friends in the same situation as him, and I replied, and on Friday he finally replied back, and we texted each off and on Saturday and Sunday morning. Sunday night, though, we got into a deeper conversation. He’s in his early twenties, and some of the stuff he was asking for advice about made it sound like he was just starting to wake up from the programming and just starting to think about leaving and being gay and everything. Eventually, as we talk more, I find out that that’s not fully the case. He’s jealous of some of the stuff I’ve done that he hasn’t -- going to Pride, going to gay bars -- but unlike me, he’s had a fair amount of sex. Like any closeted Witness, he had to drive into unfamiliar cities to do so, and it’s a strategy I’ve thought of trying but never pulled off. 

I dunno, I’m so depressed. I feel like such a failure. I know having sex doesn’t make you a better person, and not having sex doesn’t intrinsically make you a failure. But I feel like this because I want it so badly, because I always have, and I could have been doing it for years, and I’ve been really forced to confront the fact that it’s my own fear that’s been getting in my way all this time. If I’d really tried I could’ve done it by now. If I really tried I probably could’ve moved out and started my new life by now -- I’d probably be dirt broke in an apartment with like eight roommates, but I could’ve done it. I don’t feel like anybody else, including this guy I was chatting with, have been judging me for this, but I’m pretty disgusted with myself, irrational as it may be. I know it’s not true, but I feel like my whole life has been a waste of time. And I’m so fucking sick of it.

So. This is everything I’ve been processing this week. I don’t really know what to do with it. I’ve gotta be patient a little while longer. Keep working on my real estate licensing test so I can make some more money. Wait for the shingles to heal up. Get on Grindr and just, fucking, fuck some dude the moment I’m cleared up.

But fuck, I’m so fucking sick of waiting.

[sailorportia]

Flirting with Disaster

Fandom: Little Witch Academia Pairing: Hannah England x Amanda O’Neill

Femslash February 2019 [Index post] Day 7: Disaster

approx. 1400 words, rated T

also available on Ao3

In which a much-enamored Hannah is forced to work on a project with Amanda, and things go as well for her as you might imagine.

"This is a complete and utter disaster," Hannah groaned.

"Why does it have to be both?' Barbara asked. "Why can't it be just a complete disaster? Or an utter disaster? It doesn't seem bad enough to be both."

"Just because you're my favourite bookworm doesn't mean I'll let you play with my words like that. Don't pretend you don't want to see me flailing in front of Amanda."

Barbara giggled. "Alright then, I won't pretend."

Hannah's day had gone from bad to worse. The morning started as every morning did, with Hannah worrying about how she'd deal with her growing feelings for Amanda fucking O'Neill. She didn't want to have feelings for someone as wild and unpredictable as the rambunctious American, but her heart didn't get the memo—it pounded against her chest like a jackhammer whenever Amanda was around. Her situation certainly wasn't helped by the way Amanda messed with her on a daily basis.

That day, right after lunch, Amanda ambushed Hannah with a potion that stuck her shoes to the floor. Amanda also happened to be close enough that she was stuck as well. It took Barbara so long to unstick them that they were late for class. Finnelan was none too please; her punishment was to force the three of them to work together on a project. The Inquisition couldn't have devised a more fitting punishment for the young witches.

"This is the worst," Hannah said. "We wouldn't be in this situation if Amanda weren't so obsessed with annoying me."

"Maybe she's like a twelve year-old boy and this her way of showing she has a crush on you," Barbara suggested.

"I remember twelve year-old boys' crushes and they were never as annoying as this."

"Maybe because this is the first time you felt the same, and you wish your crush was sweeter on you."

Hannah rolled her eyes. She wouldn't survive the afternoon if she had to deal with Barbara's teasing as well as Amanda's harassment. Resigned to her fate, Hannah followed Barbara to the library, where they'd agreed to meet Amanda.

They found the American lounging in the corner of the library, leaning back in her chair with her feet on the table. Hannah cursed herself for ogling Amanda's legs, but fortunately they distracted her from the unseemly up skirt view her crush was offering.

"Hey Hannah, Barbara. Took you long enough," Amanda said. "Let's get this over with. I'd rather not be seen hanging around with you dorks."

Hannah took the seat next to Amanda. And then realized what she'd done and threw out a rude remark to compensate. "This is your fault in the first place, jackass. If you didn't want to be seen with us, you shouldn't have stuck us together with our stupid potion!"

Before Amanda could retort, Barbara interjected, "These genealogies aren't going to write themselves out."

"What kind of boring project is this anyway?" Amanda groaned. "Every witch knows about every other witches family. Way too much." Well, except for Akko, but she was the exception more often than the rule.

Hannah sighed. "Why does it not surprise me that you have no respect for your own magical heritage?"

"I don't have any problem with my dead ancestors," Amanda grumbled. "It's the live ones who make me hate magic."

Hannah averted her eyes. "I didn't say anything about needing to like your family..."

"O-kay," Barbara said sternly. "Let's hit the books before this turns into group therapy."

Hannah and Amanda stood up and went to the bookshelves to find genealogy books. They went to the same shelf. And reached for the same book. Their hands touched.

"W-watch what you're doing!" Hannah drew her hand back as if it were scalded.

"Right back atcha, England," Amanda fired back. She practically danced away from the shelf.

"Oh, I'm back to England now?" Hannah hated that she kept track of how Amanda referred to her. She'd been "Hannah" for ages—occasionally a mean nickname—and her heart fell at the sudden return to formality.

"I can call you whatever I want." Amanda stood awkwardly nearby. "Just... hand me some books and I'll carry them over to the table."

"Whatever." Hannah didn't want to over-analyze Amanda's actions. After all, Barbara would do it for her later. 12 year-old boy with a crush, my ass.

Hannah and Amanda returned to the table each with a stack of books. The three of them went to work,

As much as Hannah hated to admit it, Amanda was right; the assignment was boring. But she would never admit it. Amanda would never let her forget it.

Five minutes later...

"Ugh, this is so boring!" Hannah slammed her book shut. "If I read the name 'England' again today, I'm going to leave the country."

"I think that happened somewhere on my family tree." Amanda squinted at her assignment. "Yeah, between the Ireland stuff and the America stuff there's a lot of hate for England."

"Swell." Hannah didn't even try to hide her bitterness.

Amanda blushed. "I didn't—not like you England, like the country." She hid behind her family tree.

"Give me those." Barbara grabbed Hannah and Amanda's family trees. She looked them over and slid them back across the table. "You've both got enough to keep Finnelan happy. No need for leaving the country today."

"Thank the nine," Amanda said.

"That I won't be leaving the country?" Hannah asked a little too hopefully.

Amanda laughed nervously. "Um, uh, no. I meant that we're done. I'm tired of looking at my stupid, old family."

"You shouldn't talk about your family that way," Hannah said mildly.

"Why not? They're a bunch of human trash heaps."

"Yeah, but you shouldn't say it." As Barbara had said, they didn't need to turn this into group therapy, but Hannah had a feeling they had similar problems when it came to the families they were lucky enough not to be around.

"Well, the great thing about families is you can always get a new one," Barbara said, pointing to her left ring finger.

"Marriage?" Amanda scoffed. "Gay."

"Scoff all you like, but it looks like there's two family trees tangling as we speak." Barbara pointed at the two assignments lying on Hannah and Amanda's side of the table, one laid over the other like lovers' hands.

"Urk!" Hannah blushed furiously, and reprimanded her best friend even more furiously. "Don't even joke about that! There's no way I could—that I would ever—"

"I-I-I would never marry Hannah!" Amanda spluttered. "Who wants to be an England!?"

Barbara spotted weakness and went straight for the jugular. "Oh, so you'd be taking her name then?"

Hannah looked at Amanda in surprise; Amanda reeled back so fast she damn near fell out of her chair. "I-I-I'm not going to marry anyone!

Barbara wasn't done with her prey just yet. She shook her jaws to snap the neck. "I don't approve of my best friend's suitor planning to live in sin with her."

"I, uh, no—" Amanda ran her hand through her hair in a frazzled sort of way. "Who said anything about me and Hannah? It's not like I like her or anything."

Barbara smirked at Hannah. Her eyes conveyed a silent "I told you so."

Knowing full well that she would regret it, Hannah pick up her pen again and held it over their family trees. "Should we attach our family trees and draw a line between them then? Ooh, what if we added some kids? Did you have any names in mind? Maybe some Irish names to honour that O'Neill heritage. Would it be perverse to give Irish names to an England?"

Amanda seemed to dissolve on the spot. Face red with both rage and embarrassment, she snatched her family tree away and tried to storm off. As it were, she tripped over her agile dancer's feet and careened into a stack of books. She was out of the library before anyone could yell at her to pick them up.

"I'm impressed, Hannah," Barbara said. "Teasing your crush? Soon you'll be wooing her."

Hannah barely heard her; her head was against the desk, buried in her arms. Her burning ears betrayed her embarrassment. "Shut up."

"And here you thought this was going to be a disaster." Barbara smirked. "What you got was a disaster lesbian. Well, you don't 'got' her yet, but you'll put a ring on it someday."

"I sure hope so. I already added her to my family tree." In pen. For the sake of a joke. She hoped Diana knew a great erasing spell.

[secretbranch]

LRR OF THE SPARK

Okay, so in a recent live TCC, LRR was asked what planeswalkers they associate with “everyone in LoadingReadyRun”, and they gave some great answers, so I wanted to compile them as well as add my own opinions, so without further ado....

(also note that race/gender don’t factor here) Graham (Garruk)

Graham has cosplayed as Garruk for videos before, and you can totally see it. They also threw around the idea of Angrath, which I will admit I like better, but I also know that, for better or for worse, due to recent developments, Graham has cemented himself into the mono green man of the wild. (Plus, I wanted to use the stained glass art versions of all the walkers, and then I realized Graham was Garruk rip #whereareyougarruk) Paul (Karn)

You could argue that Paul is some sort of blue mage because of his endless experimentation in Friday Nights, but while Karn may not approve of some of Paul’s designs, he would appreciate the effort. Also, I mean, Paul’s card in Friday Nights is colorless for a reason, right? James (Angrath)

Alright, so a bunch of names were thrown around for James (Nicol Bolas, Gideon, Ajani [because he’s so supportive {sarcasm}]), and I personally didn’t think any of them fit. I then remembered a conversation I heard on stream (can’t remember exactly when, otherwise I’d link it), but someone referred to James as “Kind of a dick, but still has a heart of gold”, and that made me think of Angrath’s story from Ixalan, and I realized he was the perfect fit. Also, if I had a nickel for every time I’ve heard someone in chat say that James would make a great dad, I wouldn’t be yet another broke millennial, hahah. Ha.

Kathleen (Sorin)

This is one where you may have a different opinion than the LRR friends. Whether or not you consider it low-hanging fruit, you may have thought of Liliana first. While I do admit there is some merit to Kathleen being our goth queen, wielding her horde of Brave New Faves listeners against the forces of evil, a helpful, totally extra edgelord is not far off either.

Alex (Saheeli)

Alex was the first of a couple people whom I almost gave Tibalt. Early Friday Nights had him pinned as some sort of Rakdos Madman obsessed with explosives, sort of like if a goblin was a person. But, frankly, I don’t think the Demon Prince fits Alex very well. Alex is super creative, which you know if you’ve seen his art or his comics. He’s also been referred to as a “meme nexus”, and has a lot of information stored in his brain (which paved the way for the discussion of “Alex-isms”). His ability to create and appreciation of the world around him s very reminiscent to me at least of Saheeli. Plus, Alex doesn’t give a shit about your gender norms anyway. Fuck ‘em.

Cameron (Tamiyo)

Books? Notes? Yep, that’s Cam. Also, without a doubt, some of the deepest cuts and references you will ever hear on LoadingReadyRun have been from Cameron. He is the longest running co-host of a show where they analyze video games as art. Come on, the similarities keep coming. Also, Cam would totally be down to say “fuck your gender norms”. He is beauty, he is grace, and yet he will trip and fall and somehow find a way to land directly on his funny bone.

Ian (Daretti)

As discussed in the video, Ian is absolutely the tinkering goblin madman that turns into an evil genius in the sequel. Like, the show is LITERALLY called TINKER Tailor Solder Fry. Not to mention Daretti’s other quality: D E C A D E N C E. Some goblins will settle for any trash. Daretti only settles for the highest quality of trash. I feel like this statement highly resonates with Ian. Plus, there’s probably some “waifu is trash” joke that I’m missing since I don’t watch anime, but regardless: perfect fit.

Cori (Huatli)

They almost said Vivien, but then Cam pointed out (and I totally agree) that Cori would have red or blue in her color identity. So, here is Cori! She’s super helpful and friendly and wholesome, and she also reins Ian in when he goes a little too off the rails. That being said, Cori has been known to go off the rails a little herself, and is super creative, so Huatli seems like a nice match.

Beej (Sarkhan)

So this was what the LRR folks picked at the panel, and it catches a lot of people offguard. The universal first response I think is Tibalt, E̻̻͙̭̼̅́ͯ̒ͅX̸̠̫̟̙̣̮͔ͬͯ̈́ͤͤP͌ͨͫ̄́͏̠͉Eͦͨͨ͊͂̓҉̱R̷̠͔̮̲̥̘͚̄̈́̅ͧ̇̃I̲̙̗͇͌ͮ̃́̚E̢͇̝͆ͪ̑̌ͧͮ̎NC̓̒̐͆͐͂ͭ҉̥̺̞E̠͖̐͊ͬ̔̐͊̎̕ ̮̪͒ͣ́͗͆̆̏͠B̥͍̳̲̠̳̀̓̏ͥͮ̈́ͣE͇̳̫͙͕ͅͅE͈̱̜͈̱̱̲J̼̉̔ͅ and all that. But, after thinking about it, Sarkhan is a rambling madman who turned out to know more about the universe than almost anyone, and isn’t that in the spirit of E̻̻͙̭̼̅́ͯ̒ͅX̸̠̫̟̙̣̮͔ͬͯ̈́ͤͤP͌ͨͫ̄́͏̠͉Eͦͨͨ͊͂̓҉̱R̷̠͔̮̲̥̘͚̄̈́̅ͧ̇̃I̲̙̗͇͌ͮ̃́̚E̢͇̝͆ͪ̑̌ͧͮ̎NC̓̒̐͆͐͂ͭ҉̥̺̞E̠͖̐͊ͬ̔̐͊̎̕ ̮̪͒ͣ́͗͆̆̏͠B̥͍̳̲̠̳̀̓̏ͥͮ̈́ͣE͇̳̫͙͕ͅͅE͈̱̜͈̱̱̲J̼̉̔ͅ?

Heather (Jaya)

This was another personal pick of mine, and I really like it. Cute but fierce is something I can totally see describing Heather. Like, Heather definitely has this very loving, innocent mindset, but anyone who has seen enough Rhythm Cafe knows that that statement isn’t entirely true. She also seems like someone who will fiercely protect her friends, and that’s something Jaya can definitely get behind.

Serge (Yanggu)

You knew it was coming. How could you not see it coming; the adorable doggo-wielding cinnamon roll who can surely kill you with his boyish smile while simultaneously actually killing you? Everyone in chat always protects Serge when bullies like Adam or James show up, even when Serge was sassing them seconds before. Also, Yanggu is a green mage, and we all know how Serge feels about lands.

Ben (Chandra)

In the words of Kathleen: “THIS ONE IS MY FINEST HOUR!!!!” Think about it. Ben has always said he’s most closely aligned with Red and Green, and here’s this planeswalker that can be both a wild child and super wholesome. Also, canonically a member of the LGBT+ community. ALSO, you KNOW Chandra is super supportive of people when she’s not immolating them. I didn’t even think of the Zippotricks McEdgelord thing until I was halfway through this. His individuality, his creativity, he is Chandra in disguise.

Adam (Koth of the Hammer)

Beefcake of the Mountains? Adam Savidan??? Absolutely. I will admit, this is what LRR said, and I would have gone for someone a little more studious since I know that’s a lot of the Adam we don’t see on camera, but as for what we DO see, hell yeah. I also find it hilarious that the guy acting as the conductor for the WE’RE HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERE train wasn’t even in War of the Spark. Rip in pieces, Koth. Matt G (Ral)

I’ll be honest, at time of posting, Matt is still fairly new to streams, and I haven’t seen a lot of stuff he’s done, but I’ve seen his personality through his editing (which is always amazing btw), and his creativity and very open personality is expressed greatly in Ral. Plus, I mean, when there’s low-hanging fruit, sometimes you’ve just gotta give the gay boi the gay boi.

(Bonus Friday Nights A-LRR-mni)

(Note that this is mainly their Friday Nights Personalities) 

Jer P. (Teferi)

Super organized, methodical, intelligent. Who the heck is WILLING to sort their cards, let alone OTHER PEOPLE’S? Jer has had to since move on from LRR, which is sort of like Teferi retiring from planeswalking.  And I mean, come on.

Matt W. (Ob Nixilis)

Hear me out. I’m not saying Matt is a demon. I am saying he is absolutely Ob BEFORE he broke the contract. Throughout his episodes in Friday Nights, he is ob-sessed (don’t you love my puns?) with winning. Furthermore, like Ian, decadence is a word that comes to mind when you consider the way he talks. A very sinister villain is Wiggins who returns every time we go back to Zendikar (or have a Desert Bus, but you get it) And that’s it!!! This was a fun homage as well as a much needed trip down memory lane. Hope everyone enjoys, while I know folks will disagree with my picks. Don’t forget to check out all of the links I hid in here. Big thanks to LRR for existing and being so wholesome and good. You guys rock.

[argotmagazine-blog]

Dear Worrier Princess: On Polyamory Pickles and College Coming Out Conundrums

Queery #1: Last summer I (32, queer) met someone (26, baby dyke) at the farmers market near my house, she lives in a town 2 hours away near the farm she works at. We started hanging out as friends and realized we had giant crushes on each other. We saw each other on & off through the winter. Now it’s April, & we really like each other, and have had fun sex a couple of times. The thing is: she says she doesn’t want a relationship—she’s busy farming, working 60+ hrs/wk and can’t commit to being in touch or making time to visit me. She also says she’s still processing her last relationship (5 yrs! her first queer relash!) so she needs to figure some stuff out. I totally get it. However, her actions are different from her words: she stays in touch a BUNCH and when we are together, she says a lotta stuff that feels VERY girlfriendy to me.

We both have established that we love hanging out, we feel fun and comfortable, we care a lot about each other, and we learn a lot from each other. I feel a lotta love between us although we haven’t said ILY but rn it doesn’t feel like we need that. For me, I really like her, I love hanging out w her. At the same time, I DO want to be in a relationship, but I don’t think a monogamous long-distance relationship would work for me. If I’m going to date someone I have needs! and want to have a lot of sex!! And only seeing someone like every other week *at most* doesn't feel enough, and if we’re monogamous, maybe there’d be a lot of pressure on those times to have a good time.

She is not comfortable with polyamory, specifically with me having sex with other people in the same time period as with her.  My question is about ethics, tact, care, and timing:: Should I break up with her now, knowing that inevitably I will be boning some local person? There is no one else in the picture right now but I would like to be dating people; I also really don’t want her to feel like a “placeholder,” you know? That would feel like a shitty dynamic.  Or, should we continue to “love each other while we can”? We’ve tried being just friends before and it was sad, there’s like this string that keeps wrapping each other together. Should I keep hanging out with her until it gets to a point where I am seeing another local person and want to bone them too? I’m feeling stuck between a rock & a hard spot, & it feels like an ethical decision which i don’t have the answer for. I want to be responsible and not be a douchebag.

I did not expect to see the words “she lives in a town 2 hours away” followed by “long-distance relationship.” As a lesbian from the Midwest, I have driven two hours for really good beef jerky and that is NOT a double-entendre. Two hours is not long-distance in my book, but I digress. We’re talking about you, not me and my horndog travels.

You’re in a pickle—an organic, free-range pickle from the farmers market, but still a pickle. You want an open relationship. Your farm boo does not. You want to spend more time together, but she’s overwhelmed by a semi-recent heartbreak and intense farming schedule. Neither of you are willing to compromise. This is a situation I see all the time here at Dear Worrier Princess: two people recognize that fundamental aspects of relationship aren’t working, but they stay together because the relationship is familiar and has redeeming qualities like good sex, rapport, or mutual love and care.

To be honest, it sounds like your farm boo is someone who wants what she wants when she wants it. The following sentences set off some alarms for me: “she can’t commit to being in touch or making time to visit me” followed by “she stays in touch a BUNCH and when we are together, she says a lotta stuff that feels VERY girlfriendy.” This is a boundaries issue and it’s 100% something you should discuss with her. Say something like, “It’s confusing for me when you say our relationship is one way, but then you text me frequently and say things like [EXAMPLE 1] and [EXAMPLE 2].” Similarly, you keep deciding to be friends and sliding back into romance-territory. This doesn’t mean you’re fated to be together, it means you need better boundaries and a solid chunk of time without any contact. I’m also wondering, during these stretches when you’re supposed to be friends, who escalates things? Who sends the first sext? Might be something to think about.

Is it wrong to date someone you don’t want to be with forever? No. I think most relationships fall into this camp. As long as you’re mindful not create a placeholder dynamic (which I interpret to mean becoming a dismissive or callous partner), it’s fine to see an end on the horizon. However, it’s never as simple as, “we’ll just date until things naturally end.” Even in the best of circumstances, breakups are hard. What if you meet someone available and local, but you’re still raw from the breakup? What if you struggle to establish post-breakup boundaries with your farm boo and this causes tension in your new relationship?

My advice is to set a course towards friendship, though I also understand how difficult it can be to end a relationship without the solid impetus of a fight or someone new. Ask yourself: if I end this relationship now, will I regret not spending more time together? If I keep seeing her, will my feelings become stronger and make it more difficult to separate? Is the agony is worth the ecstasy? Only you can decide.

Queery #2: Last semester (my first semester of college) I was pretty into this girl I thought was straight or at least very closeted. Almost immediately after returning to school after winter break we both got very drunk and ended up hooking up that night. Since then we've continued to see each other and the relationship seems to be getting more and more serious; however, only as long as we are in very private spaces. The only people who know about it are my friends and her friends all seem to believe that I am tragically in love with her, a straight girl. I have never been in any sort of serious relationship, I only first hooked up with a girl last semester but I've been out and open about my sexuality with those close to me for the past three years. I've tried to initiate conversations with her about this, which is hard as she freezes up with any sort of difficult topic that requires talking about ones emotions. We've gotten a little better at these conversations lately and it seems like she also wants a more serious relationship and wants to be able to be more public about it. In the past few weeks she has told one of the people she is living with as well as a close friend but it still seems like we're stuck in this strange place. I don't want to pressure her to do anything she feels very uncomfortable doing and I also recognize that feeling like I am, in a way, going back into the closet to be there with her is unhealthy for me. How do I keep my frustration for our current situation from clouding the good parts, if that's possible? Lately this is about all I think about or want to talk about and I find myself often getting stuck on these negative aspects. How can I best support her without damaging my own wellbeing?

While reading this queery, I realized that my first semester of college was TEN YEARS AGO. My mom drove me to Staples to buy an ethernet cable because my my dorm didn’t have wifi—that’s how we lived in 2009. I can confirm, in extreme retrospect, that your first year of college is overwhelming. It’s no small thing to leave home for the first time, make new friends, and balance coursework/relationships/a job. And then, on top of all that, your girlfriend is smacked with her own queerness and everything it entails. It’s a lot!

It doesn’t help that “coming out" is one of those those terms like “hooking up” or “middle class”—we pretend it’s this definite thing, when it actually means something different to everyone. As a femme lesbian, I come out to new people when it feels safe and pertinent. My butch friends, on the other hand, rarely get to come out on their own terms. Some people take years to come out, others make a snap decision and tell the world via Facebook. I have friends who are openly gay in the United States, but are closeted to their parents and extended families in their countries-of-origin. Sometimes I get DMs from women who say Instagram is their only queer outlet because marriage and other life circumstances make coming out impossible. On the opposite end of the spectrum, I meet a lot of young people who grew up in affirming homes and were exposed to queer adults and culture at an early age. All this to say that I totally agree with you: you can’t pressure your girlfriend to come out before she’s ready. I applaud you for recognizing that her life and decisions are hers and hers alone.

None of this changes the fact that your relationship makes you feel Bad. When you’ve escaped the deep closet, dating someone who’s struggling with self-acceptance can dredge up all sorts of insecurities and painful memories. It feels shitty to be someone’s secret; it implies that your sexuality is shameful and wrong. Like, have you ever had a friend who body-shamed themselves constantly and said stuff like “I’m so fat and disgusting”? Even though their comments aren’t directed at you, you come away feeling self-conscious and weird. Shame is contagious like that.

All relationships require compromise, but how do you know when you’re compromising too much? What do you owe yourself and what do you owe your partner? I ask myself these questions all the time. Kind of recently, I dated someone who habitually snapped at me. Like one time, we were walking dogs in a snowstorm and I joked that I could kick snow over the poop and it would be the perfect crime. They were full-on like, “THAT WILL CONTAMINATE OUR WATER SUPPLY.” It stung. Despite all this, I liked them a lot. I was in extreme cuffing mode and really, really wanted to be in a relationship. We talked it over and I left the conversation feeling hopeful. They acknowledged their outbursts and apologized, but the snapping kept happening to varying degrees. I could still feel the worst part of our relationship wearing me down. I kept second-guessing myself: “am I annoying? Am I difficult to spend time with? Is everything I say stupid and destructive to Wisconsin waterways?”

I turned to a friend for advice. L, who recently ended a complicated and bittersweet relationship, had the perfect response. I’m going to leave you with the text she sent me: “It’s your choice to stay in an imperfect relationship. Just make sure you’re staying because y’all are communicating openly and making the necessary changes. Stay cause you have a plan and solid reasons to believe things will get better, NOT cause you’re afraid of hurting her or afraid of being alone.”

dear worrier princess answers your qs about love and strife in relationships in this complex and modern queer world.

shoot an email to worrierprincess@argotmagazine.com or fill out the form below.

Maddy Court is an artist and writer based in Madison, WI. Keep up with her on Twitter @worrierprincess, or on instagram @xenaworrierprincess.

 All illustrations for this column are done by Sid Champagne. Sid is a freelance illustrator based in Baltimore by way of the Gulf Coast. You can find them on Twitter @sid_champagne, or Instagram (more cat pics) @sidchampagne