#after a couple of years of almost exclusively co-writing

[liminalweirdo]

.

[catgrassplantdad]

fic writer interview

i was tagged by the luminous @energievie & @suzy-queued to fill this bad boy out! i remember doing this last year too, how fun! 🩷

1. How many works do you have on AO3?  I've got 20 on there now!

2. What’s your total AO3 word count? 143,320

3. What are your top 5 fics by kudos? kinda raw, float, cinematic, and i'm your warm receiver, watching. the four after kinda raw are all pretty close together in terms of kudos, but kinda raw has a lot more kudos than the one after it and i don't understand why. i have written better fics lmfao! y'all are just nasty. and honestly i appreciate that.

4. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? i try to always respond, but sometimes it gets away from me! i just really appreciate people taking the time to leave a comment, and i want to show that appreciation.

5. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending? i don't think any of mine have been angsty!

6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending? they're all happy, but it might be you outshined the best there was just because of the nature of the story. soft dads, seen from mickey's perspective as he grows into fatherhood over the course of a year, but also so, so plotless. soft!

7. Do you write crossovers? no and i doubt i ever will. one of my very favorite conversations though is when my husband and i insert characters from other media we like into star trek tng or ds9. it's so dumb and so funny. lmao what if i wrote it

8. Have you ever received hate on a fic? yeah! once, on one of my favorite fics, ligature. they told me i should sterilize myself because i'm glorifying abuse by writing bdsm, it's a good read

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? i almost exclusively write smut! nasty and loving. i don't know how to describe it but whenever i think i've written something disgusting i inevitably get comments about how sweet it is. which, yeah, it's not like they're mutually exclusive ways to fuck. so yeah, sweet and dirty husbands

10. Have you ever had a fic stolen? i don't think so! i mean i hope not

11. Have you ever had a fic translated? nope!

12. Have you ever co-written a fic before? i haven't, but i've collaborated on a couple of projects with my dear friend @heymrspatel! i wrote and she made art for cinematic and honeycomb. cinematic was more julissa making art for parts i'd already written, but honeycomb especially was a collaborative process with the way that a bunch of what i wrote was based on things that julissa was visualizing for her art, so parts of it did feel like co-writing. it was the most fun i've had working on anything!

13. What’s your all-time favorite ship? don't make me choose between the angel who fell in love with a faithless man, and the closeted thug who fell in love with the kid who had it bad for him and ultimately had the most satisfying ending. destiel and gallavich are both such incredibly compelling ships!! aahhh!!

14. What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will? if there's something i'm not going to finish, it's generally because it became something i didn't want to work on anymore.

15. What are your writing strengths? describing physical sensation and emotional impact, dialogue

16. What are your writing weaknesses? exposition

17. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic? i like evie's idea of just indicating that they've switched to another language without actually writing the language out

18. What was the first fandom you wrote for? gallavich

19. What’s a fandom/ship you haven’t written for yet but want to? i really want to write destiel smut. i think the nonhuman element could be fun to play with. i've read a lot of grace sex and that shit is soooooo. hot. i want to try my hand at it.

20. What’s your favorite fic you’ve written? this changes so often! one i come back to a lot is chapter two of 2022's kinktober collection, the prompts were wax & "yeah, that's it baby, just like that" and i wrote some wax play and i suppose cockwarming although it's not tagged as such. i also really fucking love lush, it's inspired by one of julissa's pieces and it's drunk lovemaking and breathplay. i also need to shout out a newer one, beauty in simplicity from this year's kinktober collection. mickey getting his ass eaten on the kitchen table. there's three fics! i don't care!

tagging @howlinchickhowl @whatwouldmickeydo @whatthebodygraspsnot @gallawitchxx @ohkate @sam-loves-seb @sisitrip @crossmydna @thisdivorce @mmmichyyy @arrowflier if you guys feel like playing 🖤

[chthonic-cassandra]

I am not writing this weekend, but I am thinking about writing.

I set myself a goal of finishing the final part of Compromise by the end of the summer, which logistically feels doable, even though the rate at which I've been able to work on this series has been so variable. This final story should be a lot simpler than "Intransigence" (the penultimate one). And part of me is really ready for it to be completed.

Part of me is also anxious about finishing it. It will feel like a very particular kind of ending; 14 years is a long time to stay with a project like this, even with all my lengthy hiatuses, and I and my life have changed so tremendously much in that time. And while I certainly don't think it's end of me writing Dracula fic (and I have the possibility even of writing more in this particular AU universe, which I may very well do), I feel much less certain about what I write next after this. I haven't written any non-Compromise Dracula fic in nearly 10 years.

And it matters to me a lot. It's a silly fan fic series that maybe a dozen people are reading, but I care about it and I've been crafting it and I've been using it to explore some specific and complex questions, particularly around co-victimhood dynamics, that it's been difficult to explore in other ways. It's been very moving and exciting to see even a small number of people respond to it.

It's very special for me to stay with a project this long, particularly as a fic author almost exclusively of one shots and a couple of long-abandoned WIPs from many years ago. And it's special that the multi-part project that I am finally (fingers crossed) finishing is something with this particular content, that is vulnerable in this particular way. The feeling of wanting people to read it has a different charge from other things I've written and posted over the years.

I think I want to celebrate, in some way, when I finish. That might not make me feel less adrift, but I think it will feel right. I don't know what that should look like. (If anyone has ideas from ways they've celebrated the completion of a project, especially a fanfic one, I'd be interested to hear them.) I'll keep thinking about it.

[rebelmeg]

20 Questions For Writers

I was tagged by the lovely @takadasaiko!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

I just finished posting my 238th fic! It's one of my few longer ones, so I've been putting the chapters up one at a time.

Cupcakes and Kisses, a Bucky/Darcy bakery AU, and behold, a moodboard!

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

830,043

3. What fandoms do you write for?

MCU almost exclusively, though I did post one Harry Potter fic awhile back, and I've got a couple WIPs for other fandoms that may never get posted.

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Yes, and I love doing so! The reader feedback is one of my very favorite parts of fandom, because they get to tell me what they liked, and I get to be super happy about that. Often times a reader will notice something I didn't even put together in my own writing, or they will love a line that I personally thought was amazing, and nothing beats that! It's just a circle of love, and I live for it.

6. What’s the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

This one is definitely the saddest, because there is no After.

The Price We Paid, in which Tony activates a Coffin Protocol in the suit, which is exactly what you think, featuring MCD.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I mostly write fluff and shenanigans, so really, you could pick at random and it would probably be a super happy ending.

Though I think I could recommend several from my Iron Family series, since most of those are fix-its.

8. Do you get hate on your fic?

I have once or twice, but that is something I do not tolerate anywhere in my fandom life. I have anon disabled, and I moderate comments, because this is a fun space for me. Fandom is where I go to be excited about these adorable little blorbos with my fandom friends, and hate has no place there. Neither does condescension or meanness, so I have absolutely no problem with deleteing that from my life.

9. Do you write smut?

Wouldn't you like to know.

10. Do you write crossovers?

I don't think I ever have, but I have definitely read it and enjoyed it!

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Yes, actually, @newnewyorker93 and I had a collab fic stolen. Luckily one of our readers spotted it and it was taken down.

I Went to the County Fair and All I Got Was This Alpaca is the fic in question, and it has alpaca-snuggling, so I highly recommend.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

I know I've given permission at least once, but I admit I don't recall if it did get translated or not.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic?

Many times, and I love it! Writing is so much easier with a writing buddy! I'm always open to a good collab.

14. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

Pepperony. I just... I just love them. I love a lot of ships from a lot of fandoms, but Pepperony is the one that I've been with the most. The most fanfic, the most interaction with other fans, the most feels.

15. What’s the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Well, I never say never with this kind of thing, really. It often takes me years to finish something, but I have finished a good number of things that did in fact take me years to get from idea to fully formed and written fic.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Definitely dialogue and one-shots. I cannot plot for the life of me, so I largely stick to what I'm good at, and I'm happy there. (This is where co-writing is amazing, because other people can plot when I can't!)

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I've done so several times, but it's usually single words or phrases that I've trusted Google Translate for. Which I know can be sketchy, so I try to limit that.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

The one I'm still writing for, the MCU!

20. Favorite fic you’ve ever written?

Definitely can't pick a favorite kid, but I think I do have one that I've reread the most.

Save Another Life (It Will Be Worth It) is a Bruce-flavored remix of How To Save A Life (It Just Might Be Yours), in which the Winter Soldier finishes a mission with baby Tony Stark in tow, and then raises the baby as his own while his conditioning falls apart.

In that fic, there were several cameo appearances by other Avengers as kids, and Bruce was the saddest one. When a couple readers had questions and comments about it, it sparked the remix in which Bruce gets saved too. Made a moodboard for it too!

[ferindencadash]

twenty questions for fic writers!

Tagged by @samuelroukin 🙏❤️

1. how many works do you have on ao3?

14

2. what's your total ao3 word count?

78,977

3. what fandoms do you write for?

So far just Mass Effect, Dragon Age, and Baldur's Gate

4. top five fics by kudos

A Port in the Storm - Mass Effect - FShep/pre-embodied EDI

Blood and Flesh - BG3 - Durgetash

Stockholm - Mass Effect - FShep/Zaeed

The Crack in Everything - Mass Effect - FShep/Ashley

Stitched Together - Mass Effect - MShep/James

5. do you respond to comments?

Always. My favourite thing about fanfic is connecting with people. I've made some amazing friends through the comments section.

6. what is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Blood and Flesh for sure. It's Durgetash hate-fucking so... 😅I think all my other fics at least have a hopeful/bittersweet ending.

7. what's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

If you count the sort-of epilogue in the author notes, Stockholm. They fuckin earned it after the shit I put them through. 👀 If you don't count that, probably Cold Feet.

8. do you get hate on fics?

Not yet! Knock on wood, because I will cry. 🥲 I'm pretty careful with tagging, I think that helps.

9. do you write smut?

Almost exclusively. 😅 It's usually mixed with plot though.

10. craziest crossover:

I haven't written one yet, but I do have this incredibly stupid Mass Effect/Letterkenny fic somewhat plotted out. 😂 Target audience of one (me), right there.

11. have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of. Much like my identity, I can't imagine anyone wanting to claim that for themselves. 😂

12. have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope!

13. have you ever co-written a fic before?

I have! It was fun but also incredibly stressful, so I probably wouldn't do it again.

14. all time favorite ship?

Shepard(any gender)/Kaidan/James. I could write essays on them. Ironically I have yet to publish a fic with them (though I have one in the works right now!) mostly because the standard I've set for myself with them is entirely too high. I blame PossumBones for writing them so perfectly I could never compare.

15. what's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I have an unhealthy amount of wips, but I don't want to give up on any of them permanently. The one that I most want to write, but is giving me the hardest time is my FShep/Aria piece, even though it's a short one-shot. I think because it has almost zero dialogue, and dialogue is the part I'm best at. 😅 But it's such a good little piece in my head. I just need to get better at writing before I can do it justice I think.

16. what are your writing strengths?

As above, dialogue. It always flows the easiest for me, and I'm usually quite happy with the end result. I've been told a lot that I'm good at nailing the character voices, which is very important to me. I spend HOURS listening to in-game dialogues before/while writing scenes, until I can hear them talking in my head.

17. what are your writing weaknesses?

Pacing, I think. I rush too much. (I have the same problem with my academic papers) I try to slow down and add more detail, but I get bored. 😅 I'm working on it...

18. thoughts on dialogue in another language?

I end up doing it quite a bit (if only in short bursts) because of James Vega. It's forced me to pick up Spanish again. I'm definitely not fluent, but I'm improving!

19. first fandom you wrote in?

Mass Effect. A Port in the Storm was my first piece I ever wrote. I published it just under a year ago. I actually just checked, and my first fic anniversary is exactly one week away! 🎂 I don't care if it's cheesy, I'm honestly really proud of myself for what I've accomplished in a year.

20. favorite fic you've written?

Stitched Together. I really, really love it. I wish more people would read it. 😅 It actually has started to pick up a little bit of attention in the last couple of weeks (just pushing it to my top five!), I'm not sure why, but every kudos that pops up on it makes me ridiculously happy.

I think my anxiety is officially too high to tag people today. 🥲 I always feel like I'm harassing people (even though I love getting tagged). So, please, seriously, if you want to play PLEASE DO and please please tag me (mutual or not) so I can read your answers! I honestly love reading these things.

[sam-loves-seb]

i was tagged by the wonderful @energievie yesterday but i never got around to it so i'm doing it today to answer some end of the year questions 💙

1. How many works do you have on AO3? 

171

2. What’s your total AO3 word count? 

1,126,901

3. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

don't act like you don't know

i know they're watching

oh lover boy

take me out (& take me home)

why do you do this to yourself

4. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

always! if people are kind enough to leave me a little message at the end of my works, i want to be able to take the time to respond to it

5. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

oh god, i don't know i don't really write anything with angsty endings, i'm a lover of happy endings almost exclusively, so i guess i'll have to go with--

so this is christmas

6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

too many to choose from tbh uhh [spins wheel] [flips coin] this one

if it makes you happy

7. Do you write crossovers?

hell yes, i'm a slut for a good crossover, here i have two:

stuck in reverse

made for lovin' you

8. Have you ever received hate on a fic?

lmao ooooh yeah

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

[sighs] yes, on occasion, but i haven't written any for my current hyperfixation yet (gallavich) but i kinda wanna put some in my bb fic so we'll see if that happens

it also doesn't help that it takes me nine million years to write smut because every time i do i blush like a fucking virgin for literally no reason

10. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that i know of

11. Have you ever had a fic translated?

yeah, a few times

12. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

i've never co-written a fic before, but i've definitely co-plotted many a fic

13. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

idk u guys i usually say joshdonna from the west wing, but gallavich game them a run for their money this year tbh like i'm down so bad it might actually be them now

14. What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

probably a place in my heart will always be hers solely because i never came up with an actual ending for it so even if by some chance i update it eventually, i doubt i'll ever really finish it

15. What are your writing strengths?

dialogue and characterization (i think?)

16. What are your writing weaknesses?

pacing and consistency

17. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

if you can speak/read/write other languages then i say go for it, but me personally i only speak english so you will not see me attempting other languages in a fic bc i know i will butcher it and nobody wants that

18. What was the first fandom you wrote for?

marvel? like a decade ago? probably clintnat or stevebucky and i orphaned all of them

19. What’s a fandom/ship you haven’t written for yet but want to?

ooo good question, idk i've toyed with the idea of writing feysand (acotar) fics before and even started a couple after my last re-read, but i've never fully pulled the trigger on it. maybe someday i will

20. What’s your favorite fic you’ve written

what we stay alive for

tagging anyone who wants to play, this was really fun

[biglisbonnews]

Gracie Abrams Says Hello to 'Good Riddance' Gracie Abrams, the esteemed indie-pop little sister of Taylor Swift and Phoebe Bridgers, dropped her highly anticipated debut album Good Riddance last week, nearly three years after her EP, minor, stole the hearts of Gen Z bedroom-pop fans across the globe. Born to heavy-hitter parents, renowned director J.J. Abrams and Time's Up co-founder Katie McGrath, Abrams burst into the scene over the pandemic. She solidified her sun-soaked spot in Hollywood's limelight with angelic vocals, tender artist-to-fan confessionals and high-profile friendships with industry sweethearts Olivia Rodrigo and Taylor Swift. Soon, she was touring with Olivia Rodrigo on the Sour Tour, tapped for select dates for Taylor Swift's The Eras Tour and headlining (and selling out) shows of her own.The 23-year-old Los Angeles singer-songwriter is gearing up for a huge year of touring, both for Good Riddance and to open for Taylor Swift. The 12-track album was crafted with producer and mentor Aaron Dessner (who worked on Swift's Folklore album and whose sonic presence can definitely be felt in Abram's album). The two spent months laying down folksy tracks at Dessner’s Long Pond Studios in upstate New York, creating close-to-the-heart testimonials about fading romance, hitting the road and the mystery of imperfect relationships. To support the release of Good Riddance, Spotify collaborated with Gracie to help share the story of the album with her devoted fans at LA's The Grove on February 24. The 2011 French romantic comedy Amelie, an obvious influence in the lead single track "Amelie," made a thematic appearance in black-and-white photo booths where fans could live out their own Amelie fantasies with bespoke photo strips.Read on for exclusive photo booth strips and PAPER's behind-the-scenes look at the making of Good Riddance.Congratulations on your debut album. Oh my god. Thank you. I have an Amoeba performance in like an hour. So I'm currently in glam, which is why I'm sparing you my camera.I feel like it's almost too easy to say that Good Riddance is about saying goodbye to a past relationship. Is there a breakup that influenced the making of this album?I wouldn't say it's just a breakup album. It's about a past life and evolving and growing up. Being in my early 20s, I have become hyper-aware of how quickly things can shift. So surrendering to that change is more so the thesis.What was it like to experience the release of your album at the Spotify pop-up activation in LA?It was just really touching that people showed up and felt connected immediately to the record. That's sort of the dream for me — to be able to find community through music. So to be able to spend the day with a bunch of people who just immediately felt like friends was just a really sweet experience. And I'm very grateful that they showed up. It was pouring rain.Speaking of your fans, can you explain the significance of baking cakes? I have never seen so many fans bake cakes for someone in my life.Isn't it funny? During quarantine, I baked a lot of cakes. I went through a large chunk of writer's block and I replaced writing for a while with baking. I'd post about it, so it was a little thing that we shared. When my song "Mess It Up" came out a couple years ago, the music video was also baking-related, because that was significant to my life. At this point, [my fans and I] know each other very well.help pic.twitter.com/blAtIl1YH7— GracieAbramsHQ (@gracieshq) February 25, 2023 So, an inside joke. A chance to connect with you and say like, I've been here the whole time. And I see you and your journey.Literally. It's just so sweet and endearing. But also like painful, because I can't eat any of these cakes.Yeah, you can't eat a Twitter post. When you were making the transition from your past producers to Aaron Dessner, were there any growing pains, or was it a very natural partnership?It was the most natural partnership. It became so immediately obvious to both myself and Aaron that we wanted to spend real, thoughtful time diving into the world that ended up being Good Riddance. I never met someone and instantly told them all of my deepest darkest secrets. And so much of that has to do with how he creates these environments that allow for the artists to show up in their most raw and vulnerable state. I think that's why made the record as quickly as we did. The process challenged me in such a beneficial way to explore and push myself in directions that were not only sonically helpful but also deeply cathartic. The whole thing was the best experience, even when we were writing about kind of really brutal shit. Can you talk about the process of getting into that place of vulnerability?A lot has to do with being in therapy for a couple of years and getting more familiar with myself. I grew up using songwriting as the place where I would go to explore feelings that I didn't feel like talking about with anyone else. I could place blame and complain about shit, even if maybe I was the common denominator. So songwriting is important because I think it's led me to a evolve, reflect and come to a more fair perspective.The album's last track, "Right Now," explores the feelings of being away from your family and friends while you're on the road. Are you excited to be back on the road or do these anxieties that you've voiced hamper that?I've definitely never been more excited for a year of touring. This is only the second year I've done it, so I still feel very new here. But the process of making this album feels so true to who I genuinely am, and this show is an extension of that. It's already been such a hands-on experience in every capacity. So even though it's just about to start, I feel very proud of it. Touring is definitely a specific kind of exhaustion, but I've also never been more energized by anything before. I think last year, if any friend was like, "I want to come to your show," I'd be like, "No, you don't have to... maybe don't." But now I am genuinely so stoked for people to see it. When Aaron and I were making the album, there were so many live elements involved and we kept saying "the songs need, need a band." And with building this relationship with my audience, there's going to be little inside jokes throughout the show and I know it's going to feel very special. I don't take it for granted.Your fans are obviously going deep into the subtexts on TikTok. There seems to be a lot of speculation around the "Amelie" track and if it's about someone in particular.The song is about a really haunting feeling that I had been journaling about for a while. Most of the lyrics come directly from journal entries and conversations that I had with Aaron. The process of making that song was as delicate as the feeling was. We tracked it one time through — Aaron played guitar while I sang and we finished doing it once. We were both like, "Yeah, let's just leave it there." It's an unexpected single in terms of pace and it's not an obvious starting point, per se, but as soon as Aaron and I finished it and before even introducing it to my label, we were like, "This is going to be a single for sure." It means so much to me. I'm so grateful that even one person can tie it to their life in whatever way makes sense for them. But yeah, this is my story.I'm so curious about what outside stimulus — music, books or visual art — helped create this album.When I made this record, I was also touring, so it was chaos. When we made it to upstate New York, in what feels like the middle of nowhere, I finally found the quiet that I had missed desperately. To sit in that, instead of listening to a bunch of music, felt so much more appropriate. I do bring this poetry anthology with me anytime I travel called Risking Everything with so many of my favorite poets. Mary Oliver has been one of my favorite poets for a very long time. I grew up with my mom loving her. She writes often about how fragile nature is and I was very inspired by that.Photos courtesy of Spotify https://www.papermag.com/gracie-abrams-good-riddance-2659487402.html

[causeiwanttoandican]

Harry, Meghan and me: my truth as a royal reporter

I've covered elections and extremism, but nothing compares to the vitriol I've received since I started writing about the Sussexes

By Camilla Tominey, Associate Editor27 March 2021 • 6:00am

It is probably worth mentioning from the outset that I never, ever, planned to become a royal reporter. I mean, who does? It’s one of those ridiculous jobs most people fall into completely by accident.

I certainly wasn’t coveting the position when I first found out how bonkers the beat could be after covering Charles and Camilla’s wedding in 2005. Desperate for ‘a line’ on what went on at the reception, journalists were reduced to flagging down passing cars in Windsor High Street and interrogating the likes of Stephen Fry about whether they’d had the salmon or the chicken.

Watergate, this wasn’t.

Yet when my former editor called me into his office shortly afterwards and offered me the royal job ‘because you’re called Camilla and you dress nicely’, who was I to refuse?

Having planned to get married myself that summer, and start a family soon afterwards, I looked to the likes of Jennie Bond and Penny Junor and figured it would be a good patch for a working mother as well as being one I could grow old with. Unlike show business, when celebrities are ‘in’ one minute and ‘out’ the next, the royals would stay the same, making it easier to build – and keep – contacts.

So if you’d told me that 16 years later, I would find myself at the centre of a media storm over a royal interview with Oprah Winfrey, I’d have probably laughed in your face. First of all, only royals like Fergie do interviews with Oprah. And since when did journalists become the story?

Yet as I have experienced since the arrival of Meghan Markle on the royal scene in 2016 – a move that roughly coincided with Twitter doubling its 140-character limitation to 280 – royal reporters like me now find themselves in the line of fire like never before.

We are used to the likes of Kate Adie coming under attack in the Middle East, but now it is the correspondents who write up events like Trooping the Colour and the Royal Windsor Horse Show having to take cover from the keyboard warriors supposedly defending the Duke and Duchess of Sussex’s ‘truth’.

Accusations of racism have long been levelled against anyone who has dared to write less than undiluted praise of Harry and Meghan. But even I have been taken aback by the vitriol on social media in the wake of the couple’s televised two-hour talk-a-thon, in which they branded both the Royal family and the British press racist while complaining about their ‘almost unsurvivable’ multimillionaire lives at the hands of the evil monarchy. And all while the rest of the UK were losing their loved ones and livelihoods in a global pandemic.

Having covered Brexit, general elections and stories about Islamic extremism, I’ve grown used to being sprayed with viral vomit on a fairly regular basis, but when you’ve got complete strangers trolling your best friend’s Instagram feed by association? That’s Britney Spears levels of toxic.

Having a hind thicker than a rhino’s, it wasn’t the repeated references to my being ‘a total c—’ that particularly bothered me, nor even the suggestion that I should have my three children put up for adoption. At one point someone even said it would be a good idea for me to drink myself to death like my mother, about whose chronic alcoholism I have written extensively.

No, what really got me was the appalling spelling and grammar. I mean, if you’re going to hurl insults, at least have the decency to get my name right.

Yet in order to understand just how it has come to pass that so-called #SussexSquaders think nothing of branding all royal correspondents ‘white supremacists’ regardless of who they write for, or sending hate mail to our email addresses, offices – and in some cases, even our homes – it’s worth briefly going to back to when I first broke the story that Prince Harry was dating an American actor in the Sunday Express on 31 October 2016. Headlined: ‘Royal world exclusive: Harry’s secret romance with TV star’, the splash revealed how the popular prince was ‘secretly dating a stunning US actress, model and human rights campaigner’.

Despite my now apparently being on a par with the Ku Klux Klan for failing to acknowledge Meghan as the next messiah, it was actually not until the fifteenth paragraph of that original article that the ‘confident and intelligent’ Northwestern University graduate was described as ‘the daughter of an African-American mother and a father of Dutch and Irish descent’.

Call me superficial, but I was genuinely far more interested in the fact that Harry ‘I-come-with-baggage’ Wales was dating a former ‘briefcase girl’ from the US version of Deal or No Deal than the colour of her skin. A ginger prince punching well above his weight? This was the stuff of tabloid dreams. Little did I know then that covering the trials and tribulations of these two lovebirds would turn into such a nightmare.

The online hostility began bubbling up about eight days after that first story, when Harry’s then communications secretary Jason Knauf issued an ‘unprecedented’ statement accusing the media of ‘crossing a line’.

‘His girlfriend, Meghan Markle, has been subject to a wave of abuse and harassment’, it read, referencing a ‘smear on the front page of a national newspaper; the racial undertones of comment pieces; and the outright sexism and racism of social media trolls and web article comments’. Meghan’s mother, Doria Ragland, had apparently been besieged by photographers, while bribes had been offered to Meghan’s ex-boyfriend along with ‘the bombardment of nearly every friend, coworker, and loved one in her life’.

Suffice to say, I did feel a bit guilty. Although I hadn’t written anything remotely racist or sexist, I had started the ball rolling for headlines like the MailOnline’s ‘(Almost) straight outta Compton’ (referencing a song by hip-hop group NWA about gang violence and Meghan’s upbringing in the nearby LA district of Crenshaw), along with her ‘exotic’ DNA (which I subsequently called out, including on This Morning in the wake of ‘Megxit’ in January last year).

Omid Scobie, co-author of Finding Freedom, a highly favourable account of the Sussexes’ departure from the Royal family, written with their cooperation last summer, would later insist that the couple knew the story of their relationship was coming out and were well prepared for it.

I can tell you categorically that they weren’t, since I did not even put a call into Kensington Palace before we went to press for fear of it being leaked. (I did later discuss this with Harry, when I covered his trip to the Caribbean in November 2016, and to be fair he was pretty philosophical, agreeing it would have come out sooner or later. But that was before the former Army Captain decided to well and truly shoot the messenger, latterly telling journalists covering the newly-weds’ tax-payer-funded October 2018 tour of Australia and the south Pacific: ‘Thanks for coming, even though you weren’t invited.’)

The royal press pack is the group of dedicated writers who cover all the official engagements and tours on a rota system, in exchange for not bothering the royals as they go about their private business. It was a shame this ragtag bunch, of which I am an associate member, was never personally introduced to Meghan when the couple got engaged in November 2017.

I still have fond memories of a then Kate Middleton, upon her engagement to Prince William in November 2010, showing me her huge sapphire and diamond ring following a press conference at St James’s Palace with the words, ‘It was William’s mother’s so it is very special.’

I replied that she might want to consider buying ‘one of those expanding accordion style file holders’ to organise all her wedding paperwork. (Reader, I had given birth to my second child less than four months earlier and was still lactating.)

Not meeting Meghan did not stop royal commentators like me writing reams about her being ‘a breath of fresh air’ and telling practically every TV show I appeared on that she was the ‘best thing to have happened to the Royal Family in years’.

As the world followed the joyous news of the Windsors’ resident strip billiards star having finally found ‘the one’, the couple enjoyed overwhelmingly positive press culminating in their fairy-tale wedding in May 2018, which we headlined ‘So in love’ above a picture of the bride and groom kissing. I tweeted the wedding front page, along with the original story breaking the news of their relationship with the words, ‘Job done’. Yet, as Meghan would later point out in a glossy Santa Barbara garden, that was by far the end of the story.

According to the Duchess’s testimony before a global audience of millions, the seeds for their royal departure were actually sown by an article I wrote in November 2018 suggesting she made Kate cry during a bridesmaid’s dress fitting for Princess Charlotte.

Claiming the ‘reverse happened’, the former Suits star railed, ‘A few days before the wedding she was upset about something, pertaining to, yes, the issue was correct, about flower-girl dresses, and it made me cry, and it really hurt my feelings.’

She then went on to criticise the palace for failing to correct the story – suggesting that royal aides had hung her out to dry to protect the Duchess of Cambridge.

All of which left me in a bit of a sticky situation. As I told Phillip Schofield on This Morning the following day, ‘I don’t write things I don’t believe to be true and that haven’t been really well sourced.’

Having seemingly been completely bowled over by Meghan’s version of events, Schofe then went for the jugular: ‘I have to say, though, that’s all addressed in that interview, isn’t it, because she [Meghan] couldn’t understand why nobody stood up for her?’

Yet someone had stood up for her, on that very same This Morning sofa: me.

As I told Phil and Holly on 14 January 2019, as more reports of ‘Duchess Difficult’ started to emerge, ‘I think she [Meghan] is doing really well, she looks amazing, she speaks well. She has played a blinder.’

So you’ll forgive me if I can’t quite understand why Meghan didn’t feel the need to correct this supposedly glaring error once she had her own dedicated head of communications from March 2019 – or indeed when she ‘collaborated’ with Scobie, who concluded in his bestselling hagiography that ‘no one cried’?

Moreover, how did the Duchess know a postnatal Kate wasn’t ‘left in tears’? And if she doesn’t know, what hope has the average troll observing events through the prism of their own deep-rooted insecurities?

It appears the actual truth ceases to matter once sides have been taken in the unedifying Team Meghan versus Team Kate battle that has divided the internet.

Make no mistake, there are abject morons at both extremes spewing the sort of bile that, ironically, makes most of the media coverage of Harry and Meghan look like a 1970s edition of Jackie magazine.

It perhaps didn’t help my case that the day before the interview was aired in the US, I had written a lengthy piece carefully weighing up the evidence behind allegations of ‘outrageous bullying’ that had been levelled against Meghan during what proved to be a miserable 20 months in the Royal family for all concerned.

The messages – to my Twitter feed, my email, my website and official Facebook page – ranged from the threatening, to the typical tropes about media ‘scum’ and the downright bizarre. Some accused me of being in cahoots with Carole Middleton, with whom I have never interacted, unless you count a last-minute Party Pieces purchase in a desperate moment of poor parental planning.

Another frequent barb was questioning why the press wasn’t writing about that ‘pedo’ [sic] Prince Andrew instead – seemingly oblivious to the fact that no one would know about the Duke of York’s links to Jeffrey Epstein if it wasn’t for the acres of coverage devoted to the story by us royal hacks over recent years.

It didn’t matter that I had repeatedly torn the Queen’s second, and, some say, favourite son to pieces for everything from his propensity to take his golf clubs on foreign tours to that disastrous Newsnight interview.

Contrary to the ‘invisible contract’ Harry claims the palace has with the press, royal coverage works roughly like this: good royal deeds = good publicity. Bad royal deeds = bad publicity. We effectively act as a critical friend, working on behalf of a public that rightly expects the royals to take the work – but not themselves – seriously.

So when a royal couple preaches about climate change before taking four private jets in 11 days, it is par for the course for a royal scribe to point out the inconsistency of that message. None of it is ever personal, as evidenced by the fact that practically every member of the monarchy has come in for flak over the years.

If Oprah wasn’t willing to point out the discrepancies in Harry and Meghan’s testimony, surely it is beholden on royal reporters to question how the Duchess had managed to undertake four foreign holidays in the six months after her wedding, in addition to official tours to Italy, Canada, and Amsterdam, as well as embarking on a lengthy honeymoon, if she had ‘turned over’ her passport?

While no one would wish to undermine the extent of her mental health problems, could it really be true that she only left the house twice in four months when she managed to cram in 73 days’ worth of engagements, according to the Court Circular, in the 17 months between her wedding and the couple’s departure to Canada?

And what of the ‘racist’ headlines flashed up during the interview purporting to be from the British press, when more than a third were actually taken from independent blogs and the foreign media? The UK media abides by the Independent Press Standards Organisation’s Code of Conduct ‘to avoid prejudicial or pejorative reference to an individual’s race’, as well as by rigorous defamation laws. And rightly so – the British press doesn’t always get it right. But social media is the Wild West by comparison, publishing vile slurs on a daily basis with impunity.

Some therefore find it strange that such a litigious couple would claim to have been ‘silenced’ when they have made so many complaints, including resorting to legal action, over stories they claim not to have even read. There is something similarly contradictory about a couple accusing the tabloids of lacking self-reflection while refusing to take any blame at all – for anything.

In any normal world, informed writing on such matters would be classed as fair comment, but not, seemingly, on Twitter where those completely lacking any objectivity whatsoever are only too willing to virtue signal and manoeuvre.

As the trolling reached fever pitch in the aftermath of the interview, veteran royal reporter Robert Jobson of the Evening Standard called me. ‘Don’t respond to these freaks,’ he advised. ‘It’s getting nasty out there. Watch your back!’

Yet despite my general sense of bewilderment at the menacing Megbots, I can’t say it didn’t appal me to discover a close friend had received online abuse, purely by dint of being my mate. After discussing the lengths the troll must have gone to to track her down, she asked me, ‘Do you ever worry someone might do something awful to you?’ Er, not until now, no.

Of course it’s upsetting, even for a cynical old-timer like me. Worse still are people who actually know me casting aspersions on my profession on social media. Often these are the same charlatans who would think nothing of sidling up to me for the latest gossip on the Royal family, while publicly pretending that reading any such coverage is completely beneath them.

Most pernicious of all though – not least after Piers Morgan’s departure from Good Morning Britain following a complaint to ITV and Ofcom from the Duchess – is the corrosive effect this whole hullabaloo is having on freedom of speech. When you’ve got a former actor effectively editing a British breakfast show from an £11 million Montecito mansion, what next?

I cannot help but think we are in danger of setting race relations back 30 years if people are seriously suggesting that any criticism of Meghan is racially motivated. It’s the hypocrisy that gets me. When Priti Patel was accused of bullying, the very same people who willingly hung the Home Secretary out to dry are now the ones defending Meghan against such claims, saying they have been levelled at her simply because she is ‘a strong woman of colour’.

Of course journalists should take responsibility for everything they report and be held to account for it – but Harry and Meghan do not have a monopoly on the truth simply because the close friend and neighbour who interviewed them in return for £7 million from CBS took what they said as gospel.

If she isn’t willing to probe the disparity between Meghan saying someone questioned the colour of Archie’s skin when she was pregnant, and Harry suggesting it happened before they were even married, then someone must. There’s a name for such scrutiny. It’s called journalism.

The public reserves the right to make up its own mind – with the help of the watchful eye of a free and fair press. But that press can never be free or fair if journalists do not feel they can report without fear or favour. I’m lucky that a lot of the criticism I face is more than balanced out by hugely supportive members of the public and online community who either agree – or respect the right to disagree. Along with the hate mail, I have had many thoughtful and eloquent missives, including those that good naturedly challenge what I have written in the paper or said on TV, which have genuinely given me pause for thought.

I am more than happy to enter into constructive discourse with these correspondents, who are frankly sometimes the only people who keep me on Twitter. I mean, let’s face it, I wouldn’t be anywhere near the bloody thing if this wasn’t my day job.

With the National Union of Journalists this month declaring that harassment and abuse had ‘become normalised’ within the industry, never have members of Britain’s press needed more courage. As Winston Churchill famously said, ‘You have enemies? Good. That means you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.’

Who would have thought that the preservation of the fundamental freedoms that we hold so dear should partially rest on the shoulders of those who follow around a 94-year-old woman and her family for a living?

If I’d known then what I know now, would I still have written the bridesmaid’s dress story?

Yes – doubtlessly reflecting sisterly sobs all round. But after two decades in this business, I am clear-eyed enough to know this for certain: whatever I had written, it would still have ended in tears.

[franzsiska]

ao3 interview

tagged by: @cyanoscarlet thank you, dani 🥰💕

how many works do you have on ao3?

— 18.

what’s your total ao3 word count?

— 39.2k, haha. I mostly write short one shots, and quite a bit of my work has been exclusive to twt/tumblr and zines, so that's why.

how many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

— three.

bungou stray dogs (10)

haikyuu!! (5)

jujutsu kaisen (3)

as you can see, i am. very picky about what fandoms and what subject matters i write about sfhskdk

what are your top 5 fics by kudos?

emptiness to melody (bsd; kunikidazai)

this brief tragedy of flesh (jjk; nanago)

let me tell you a story about love (haikyuu; miya atsumu character study)

you are what happens after the war (bsd; kunikidazai)

leave the ruins where they fall (bsd; soukoku)

what are your top 5 fics by comment thread count?

love me just a little longer (bsd; odazai)

you are what happens after the war (bsd; kkdz)

this brief tragedy of flesh (jjk; nng)

salt/water (haikyuu; iwaoi)

emptiness to melody (bsd; kkdz)

do you respond to comments, why or why not?

— yes, absolutely, although it might take me absurdly long to get around to it lol. unless it's a comment that doesn't warrant a reply, i do make it a point to reply to all of them eventually.

what’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

— ahh, this one is complicated. i love angst actually, but only of a very specific brand. my fics aren't so much angsty in ending as they are just. pervaded with a sense of sadness throughout—fluff coloured with angst, as i like to call it. pick up literally any fic of mine, there's always angst interwoven throughout.

that said, i did once write a fic (without you) that ended in major character death and it disturbed me so much that i ended up orphaning it lmao

have you ever received hate on a fic?

— no, thankfully, not as of now. that might be attributed to the fact that my body of work itself is not very big, but i like to think that i attract a more civilized demographic with my fics 😉

do you write smut? If so, what kind?

— no. never have i tried and never will i ever try, i think. the most i can do is make out and fade to black. i don't actually have any interest in writing the nitty gritty details, thank you very much.

have you ever had a fic translated?

— uhhh, yes, i think. i've been asked for permission multiple times but have only got back the completed link from the translator once or twice. this here, for instance, is a tumblr askbox fic that got translated into chinese.

have you ever co-written a fic before?

— no, but i'm open to the idea! it just has to be with someone whose style and ideas i click with.

what’s your all-time favorite ship?

— ahaha, this is hard. it keeps changing but iwaoi seem to have passed the test of time <3

what’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

— ouch, okay. there is more than one. that one dazai-centric skk wip that's been lying in my drafts for almost an year now. it's a study into dazai's relationship with food and with the needs of his body in general (read: his very thinly-veiled eating disorder). i really fucking want to complete this, but it isn't looking likely at the moment :'(

what are your writing weaknesses?

— longform, multichapter fics, definitely. i cannot, for the life of me, plot out a proper three act structure with a subplot and a climax and all. i really wish i could, and i greatly respect the people who can :')

what are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

— only if it fits the situation. otherwise it just ends up looking pretentious and pedantic. i used a couple of spanish dialogues in salt/water as well as my iwaoi zine fic, for instance, bc they're both post timeskip and set in argentina

what was the first fandom you wrote for?

— bsd! that was two years ago, and i'm so grateful to my hyperfixation sdfshfk

what’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

— a tie between you are what happens after the war (bsd) and with your face towards the sky (haikyuu; kagehina)

tagging: @wctercress @awinterborn @my-one-true-l (only if you want, ofc)

[omgrachwrites]

Not The Only One - Billy Russo

Pairing: Billy Russo x Reader

Summary: You knew that you should have never entertained Billy Russo, you knew what everyone said about him. Against your better judgement, you decide to open yourself up to him.

Warnings: fluff, angst, mentions of sex, slightly ooc Billy

Words: 1646

A/N: This is my first time writing Billy so I hope this is okay! I’d say that he’s slightly out of character in the first part! Also can you tell that I fancy Madani? I hope you guys enjoy this one and please let me know what you think! I love you all! xxx

Billy Russo was never a man who you had wanted though everyone thought you were crazy for that fact, especially when he was so devastatingly handsome as he was. He had a reputation, a reputation that you didn’t care for. He never stayed with one woman for long, he’d had no long term girlfriend to speak of in years and he definitely wasn’t a man for exclusivity. It was a shame really. You wanted more than that, you wanted the real deal. A small town girl like you wanted love in the Big Apple.

Billy Russo embodied everything that you didn’t want. Though, it seemed like your dreams and reality were worlds apart, ever since he sauntered into the bar where you worked with that devilish smirk on his face. You hadn’t expected him to be so charming with that gorgeous toothy grin and gleaming eyes. Against your better judgement, he had charmed his way into your life after becoming a regular in the bar, you couldn’t help it.

When you began sleeping together – again, against your better judgement, having a little bit of fun never harmed anyone – he had never mentioned anything about being exclusive and you were too scared to ask. With great difficulty, you manged to put those feelings aside as you grinned down at the beautiful man beneath you.

Billy smirked up at you, a mischievous glint in his deep eyes, eyes that were almost black, and he folded his arms behind his head, looking rather comfortable, “you look perfect up there, Y/N. Like you were made to sit up there,” he leaned up to kiss you, cupping your jaw, you sighed as his stubble pleasantly scratched against your cheek.

When he pulled away, you shifted your hips against his teasingly and you rubbed your hands up his smooth chest, delighting in the pleasure that flashed across his face. His eyes were heavy lidded and his bottom lip was caught between his teeth.

“I like it up here too,” you laughed as you raised an eyebrow and looked him up and down, raising an eyebrow, “it’s very… firm,” Billy snickered as he wrapped his arms around your hips, causing you to move again.

You gasped and cupped his cheeks, groaning against his lips as he brushed against your wet centre and pleasure sparked through your body. He made a strangled noise in the back of his throat as you rolled your hips again, leaning back, keeping a hand on his chest so he didn’t move. You wanted him again, it had barely been ten minutes since he’d been buried inside you but Billy always left you wanting more.

You ran your fingers through his thick hair, tugging slightly at the strands, smiling when he grunted, “I want you, Billy,” you sighed as you pulled him into a searing kiss, catching his bottom lip with your teeth, tugging at it slightly. You smiled when you heard his groan rumble in his chest. You couldn’t believe that you were actually here with him.

He smiled, he actually smiled up at you – in turn it lit up his whole face – as he cupped your cheeks, his thumb slightly pulling on your bottom lip that was swollen from your kissing. God, he was so stunningly beautiful, “I’m all yours, angel,” he whispered and you sighed wistfully, if only that were true. For tonight, it was true, for tonight you were his and he was yours.

Afterwards, you lay side by side as your soft fingers trailed down his neck and over his sweat slicked chest, smiling when his muscles tightened and relaxed beneath your touch. His eyes followed the path that your fingers traced and a muscle fluttered in his jaw.

“What are you thinking about, Billy?”

He sighed as he met your eyes, smiling slightly as he stroked his fingers through your hair, “it’s just,” he bit out his lip and huffed out a laugh, “I’m just thinking about, Frank, about how much I miss him,” his words seemed sincere though his face betrayed them. It didn’t look like he missed his best friend all that much but you supposed that this was merely his way of coping.

“I’m sorry, Billy,” you pressed your forehead against his and he shook his head, wrapping his arms around your body.

“Let’s not talk of something so morbid,” he offered you a small smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes.

The both of you talked for a short while, until you dozed off, feeling warm and protected in Billy’s strong arms. Like clockwork, the rustling of bed covers woke you up and you found that Billy Russo was dressing himself as weak sunlight poked through your curtains. Your heart deflated in your chest as you watched him get ready to leave.

“Won’t you stay, Billy?” you whispered but you knew what the answer would be, what it would always be.

He smiled regretfully as he shrugged on his jacket, he looked so handsome, “I’m sorry baby,” he soothingly rubbed a warm hand over your arm, “I’ve got a long day ahead,” that was what he always said, you didn’t know why you were still torturing yourself like this. He would never stay for breakfast, “can I call you later on?”

When you smiled tightly and nodded, he rewarded you with a sweet kiss. The following day, you were at your bartending job in a foul mood. Billy hadn’t called when he said that he would, you should have learnt to be disappointed where Billy was concerned. Maybe he was busy with work; maybe it was time to be a bit more optimistic. You had hoped that the bar would be too busy for you to even think about Billy but it was a slow night.

Behind the bar, you were brushing up the remains of a smashed glass and you glanced up when the door opened, letting the cold night air spill into the warm, noisy bar. That was when you saw her, the most beautiful woman that you’d ever seen. She had dark hair that fell in elegant ringlets around her face and when she walked, eyes were all on her. It was obvious that she knew how to command a room.

You were about to make your way over to serve her but you stopped short when a handsome young man joined her. Billy Russo. Your heart rapidly began beating in your chest as tears stung in your eyes. You didn’t want to jump to conclusions, perhaps they were only friends but somehow, you didn’t think so. They couldn’t have been just friends, not by the way he beamed at her, his face shining in the dim light of the bar.

The beautiful woman coyly looked away from him, feigning her disinterest; you could see the smile that she was trying so hard to conceal. As he whispered in her ear, you decided that you had seen enough and like a coward, you ran out into the back. You gulped in breaths of fresh air as hot tears streamed down your face as you felt a sharp pain in your chest.

The signs had been there all along, you had just chosen to ignore them, you were under no illusion that things were exclusive between the two of you, you had dared not to ask him, knowing that he would deny you. Though, never in a million years would you have thought that he’d bring one of his conquests to the place where he knew you worked. Was he so heartless?

After a couple of moments, your co-worker followed you outside with a worried look on her face, “Y/N? Are you okay sweetie?”

Quickly you swiped at your eyes and nodded at her, attempting a watery smile even though your heart felt like it was breaking, “I’m fine, I’ll be back inside in a minute.”

Your friend have you an apologetic look as she shook her head, “take all the time you need.”

You took a few more deep breaths and wandered back inside. All night it was torture, as Billy and his latest fling sat at the bar, flirting back and forth. You had managed to successfully avoid Billy all night, you never wanted to speak to him again. How could he be so cruel? When Billy walked in the direction of the restroom, you watched him go and deemed it was safe to collect the glasses where he’d been sitting.

“Are you alright?” the beautiful woman asked, smiling at you as her brown eyes softened.

You sniffled and looked at her; you could imagine what you looked like with your tear streaked cheeks and red eyes. She looked perfect in comparison. You mustered the biggest smile that you could and you nodded at her, “I’m fine thank you.”

“Are you ready to go, Dinah?” Billy was back and he looked her up and down with the ghost of a smirk as he licked his lips and you could feel tears welling up in your eyes again. With a raised eyebrow he looked over at you and surprise flickered over his handsome face, why was he surprised? He knew that you worked here. But to be fair, you didn’t usually work on a Thursday, maybe he thought you wouldn’t be here. He swallowed his throat bobbing as he did so and he at least had the decency to look guilty.

“Sure,” she smirked back at him as she slid over her stool and they walked out of the bar together. You willed Billy to look back, he turned his head to the side like he was about to but he quickly shook his head and left without a second glance.

You should have trusted your feelings; you should have trusted what everyone said about him. You should have known you wouldn’t be the only one.

-----------------------

@smiithys​ @elayneblack​ @amelie-black​

[kim-ruzek]

I don’t want to be a downer, but on the Burzek front, the premiere was a disappointment, imho. I loved all of Adam’s scenes and his interaction with Mak and Trudy was phenomenal, but the writing for Kim and Kim/Adam was uneven. She was almost dead and going on life support and then awake. I love that Kim is strong, but I sort of dread her plowing through it alone like after she miscarried and then thanking Adam for stepping in as Mak’s dad with hockey tickets. #frustratedwhump

You're absolutely not being a downer, the premiere was a disappointment. As a whole, I'm pretty happy with it, with how burzek were, but it is also very frustrating. Like on the romance front, I'll get to in a minute because there's only one thing I wish they'd do. But the whump part... Yeah, that's disappointing.

Obviously I knew it would be. Chicago pd is NOT good with dealing with injuries-- or rather the aftermath and recovery. The initial medical stuff-- so in this episode her being on the ventilator, it not looking good (in other episodes: Kim having compartment syndrome, Jay taking a while to wake up)-- they do well. But the problem is they need their characters in ship shape condition, especially with the unit so small (for example, with fire, they can afford to have one member on medical leave bc one) they can still hang around at the firehouse and two) it's a big cast) so the aftermath... It's disappointing. And even knowing this, it still makes it disappointing. Which is why I really want them to do the PTSD storyline well

Talking about which, I was about to make a post about this RIGHT as you sent this ask so great timing, whumpy!!!!

I have little faith in the writers when it comes to burzek. They just don't appreciate them or get them, and it's really frustrating, especially when they get so little screen time and when they do it's just crumbs and unspoken developments. Which is why, although I was talking about my optimistic predictions, everything that happened is what I thought it would.

The content we got though, although I'd have preferred more, was perfectly them. Like that wink? How he was with Mack? The ONLY reason I'm frustrated with what we got in this episode is because I have absolutely no faith in the writers. To me, this sets up them perfectly, that it's the perfect reunion.

Except. Then I remember the writers don't get them, and that's when I get frustrated. Because this isn't a whole jump ahead further into them, they're still only going to make it a tiny step. And that's what's frustrating, everything that happens, that should take them further only gets them a tiny bit ahead.

I was quite vocal that I wanted them back together within the first three episodes, just that agreement that they're together even though it's slow and they're working out the paces. But I was also vocal that I'd be fine if they didn't actually get back together-- just as they talk about wanting to/wanting to get to that stage. And that's the only thing I super wish they'd do right now.

How I read these scenes and how it'll set them up for the next season is: so that wink, all that,,, it just. It says, I'm here. I love you. We're in this together. The next episode will have a bit of conflict because Kim is struggling and Adam is trying to help. I'd *hope* that we'd get a hug at the end. Then this all builds into mid-season to them getting back together.

I WANT to believe the writers will be getting them together by mid season but yeah, no faith. Because how I see Burzek is, after Kim gets her PTSD diagnosis, Adam tells her he's here, and they have a discussion about how worried he was for her (maybe a line about him protecting her?) And that's when they have the discussion that they're not ready for it now, but they want to be kinda "exclusively single" and work towards getting back together.

Them just agreeing that they want no other person. Them agreeing that what's important right now is working on their own trauma and finding their groove with Makayla-- seeing first if they can co parent and be a family unit. I want this because what this show doesn't seem to get is you can have adult conversations. You can acknowledge this even if you're not together. That this is what can happen in real life, that you need to be a unit without actually being a couple in order to be the couple-- BUT that you need to vocalise this, get on the same page when it comes to the end goal. If the writers did this (and THEN got them together, if they have them have an adult conversation in 2-3 I'd even be fine with having to wait until the finale although I wouldn't want to) I'd be happy.

But they won't. They'll just continue to not express this which is what ultimately frustrates me.

And ugh, my thoughts are that if they DO have them have this conversation we'll have to wait mid season which is like.... Ugh, frustrating.

Optimistically I don't think they're gonna have Kim struggle alone but ugh. Even if they don't have a conversation I WANT Kim to seek him out, I WANT her to ask for his support and comfort, to know he is there when she needs him. Like especially with PTSD, you need that rock, that safe zone. And especially with Kim's PTSD being because she thinks Roy is out there, her safe zone can only be Adam. And I WANT the writers to do this, even if they keep them undefined.

Like I don't want her to struggle half a season alone internalising a lot and not having that lean on Adam. That's been done already and it's boring and unrealistic at this point. Like even if most of the comfort is just a tradition that at the end of each day, she seeks a hug from Adam. But I want her to have those moments at work where her PTSD creeps up and she just reaches for Adam's hand just for a squeeze, or steps closer to him. Just that kind of,,, he's her anchor. And I want her to appreciate him, to verbally express that.

Especially if she's getting therapy for her PTSD. Her therapist WOULD talk her through this.

And I really want Adam to be basically living with Kim. Especially with him being her anchor. That she can focus on being a mom because Adam is there to catch her when she falls, and is there to make Makayla feels safe and secure too.

AND he needs to be there for another reason: kids especially ones who's been through Trauma... Kim is Makayla's own anchor. And if it's just those two, she will pick up on the days Kim is more subdued and then she'll try and overcompensate to be Kim's support and that's not what a six year should feel like she should do. But with Adam there it'll shield her and also make her secure in knowing Kim-- the most important person in her life-- is looked after.

And to end this-- the one thing I think the premiere could've had was a hand squeeze from Kim. Like just a simple gesture of her just... Touching him. Obviously he was too far away from her for her to do that, but that's how it could've been better. Just to have that physical sign of Kim saying I'm here, I see you, thank you to him as well.

[mcfiddlestan]

Fic Writer Questions

I'm bored and this was in a note on my phone from forever ago, so I must have been tagged at some point. Apologies to whoever tagged me. 🥴

1) How many works do you have on AO3?

52. Though, I used to have a few more. I deleted a few fics some years ago bc I hated that they were just sitting there unfinished. I was going through a particularly brutal bout of writer's block that affected both my fic writing and my RP writing.

2) What's your total AO3 word count?

720,782. And I was stressing about a 30-page thesis. 😂 (which ended up being over 15,000 words)

3) How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

I started writing fic in 2000 with *NSYNC, Christina Aguilera, and Backstreet Boys fics. I stopped writing a bit around 2004-2007 (because of a stupid boy) and picked it up again in 2012 after reading some awesome Cherik fics and wanting to write my own FrostIron College AU when I read one that was good, but kind of disturbing. I think I write for one fandom -- Marvel -- but, like different factions of it. FrostIron and WinterFrost mostly, with a dash of Stucky, ThunderFrost, DashingFrost, and WinterIron.

4) What are your Top 5 fics by kudos?

Black Light Special (WinterFrost) - 628 kudos

Can I Bum A Ride? (WinterFrost) - 425 kudos

Empire State of Mind (FrostIrom) - 420 kudos

Dark Side (FrostIron) - 398 kudos

A Worthy Collection (FrostIron) - 309 kudos

5) Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

I really do make an effort to respond to every single comment, even the not-so-nice ones. I want people to know I've seen and read the comment they took the time to post, so even if I just thank them for reading and commenting, I respond.

6) What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?

Considering it features two -- count 'em, two! -- major character deaths, it's definitely Empire State of Mind. Though, I'd argue Dark Side is a pretty close second.

7) What's the fic you've written with the happiest ending?

Probably Ghosts That We Knew. It was the final fic in the trilogy that is the Picture Perfect Series. It follows Loki and Tony from when they meet in college and ends 30+ years later.

8) Do you write crossovers? If so, what is the craziest one you've written?

No, not really. And I rarely, if ever, read them. There's no real reason behind it other than I've just never come upon one and thought "ooh I need to read that."

9) Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Yes. I got a lot of hateful messages after I completed Empire State of Mind. People were really angry at me for killing off two major characters. I mean, a lot of the messages were "omg I hate you but I loved this!" kind of vibe. But there were a few that cussed me out and called me names for writing it.

I had some chapters of a Fools Rush In FrostIron AU posted a while ago, in which Loki was a female, the only daughter in both the Odinson and Laufeyson families. Following the storyline of the Matthew Perry/Salma Hayek movie, Loki meets Tony Stark in a bar and gets pregnant from a one night stand. Anyway, I got a lot of messages telling me that Odin's misogyny and mistreatment of Loki was unrealistic -- even though I had literally modeled his behavior after the movie that inspired it. 🤷🏽

I have some prompts done for the 100 Ways to Say ILY writer's block challenge and for one of them, I borrowed the storyline from an episode of Will & Grace when Will's father dies of a heart attack after they have a bad argument where his father basically admits he wished Will wasn't gay so he could have had an easier life. In the epsiode, the fight starts because Will's parents gift his baby blanket to Grace, who is pregnant with her ex-husband's child. Will takes offense, they don't understand why bc he never mentioned wanting children, and a fight ensues. Similarly, in my fic, Frigga and Odin offer a pregnant Natasha (his BFF) Loki's blanket. Some readers did not like this and did not understand why I would write it. In another prompt, one that was literally how my last relationship ended, got some harsh critiques. Those ones hurt especially bc it was such a personal experience I wrote about.

And I actually got into a fight -- like a screaming match -- IRL with my best friend's boyfriend at the time. One of my bestie's friends asked about my fanfiction and I gave them the gist of one of my stories where Loki has a brief relationship with Sif that results in a child and later reconnects with Tony. Later on, Sif offers to be a surrogate for Tony and Loki and eventually births three more children for them. Bestie's boyfriend could not fathom why a woman would purposely get herself impregnated and then give the child away. I tried to explain that this was a thing that a lot of women did IRL -- and some don't even use their own eggs, but the eggs of a woman who cannot conceive; Sif used her own eggs so that all four children were half related (two by Loki, two by Tony). But he just did not believe me and told me I must not be a very good writer. Worst night of my life.

10) Do you write smut?

I was just telling @teadrinkingwolfgirl the other night how when I first started writing fic I did not write sex scenes. It was always inferred or glossed over. When I started writing again in 2012, for FrostIron, it was my first time writing more detailed sex. I cite Jackie Collins as my smut-writing mentor. I've written almost exclusively M/M smut.

11) Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of.

12) Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes! Which is like the best thing ever! A couple of my older fics have been translated to Russian. I have one *NSYNC fic that was made into an audio fic. And someone recently messaged me on ff*net to ask to translate as many of my fics as they can to Spanish. :D

13) Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No, not technically. I've gotten a lot of prompts and ideas from friends and mutuals, and I started reformatting my WinterFrost RP with my ex from 2014-2015 into novel form a while ago. That's tecnically the only thing I've written with someone else and published.

14) What's your all time favorite ship?

I have two that will always, ALWAYS, have my heart and attention. FrostIron (Tony Stark/Loki) and WinterFrost (Bucky Barnes/Loki). They are the two ships that I write the most, read the most, and seek out fanart for the most.

15) What's a WIP that you want to finish but don't think you ever will?

Probably The Flame. It's a fic that starts out ThunderFrost (not related; Asgardian Prince Thor semi-rescues an imprisoned Jotun Prince Loki) but eventually ends up FrostIron. It's the only fic I've ever written that features Loki with both male and female biology. I have a few chapters done but I haven't worked on it in years.

16) What are your writing strengths?

I like to think I write realistic relationships. And I think my dialogue is also realistic and easy to grasp. And I put a lot of humor in between all the angst and hurt.

17) What are your writing weaknesses?

I think I get too detailed with background. I just reread my Picture Perfect series (which I do like once a year), and there are literal paragraphs of background that in Google Docs is like pages and pages. But I want to make sure people understand my characters! LOL

18) What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I'm a big fan of it. I featured a lot of Norwegian in the Picture Perfect series. And French. I think as long as it flows with the storytelling and it's not forced on the characters it can be really cool. It should be natural. I always leave a translation list at the end of the chapter or explain in-text what was said. Which I think most authors I've read do.

19) What was the first fandom you wrote for?

The Backstreet Boys. LOL. Don't judge. I started writing my own fics after discovering BSB fanfiction written by an author named Mistress Lynz. She wrote a lot of fics about bloodletting, but I really enjoyed the fics where the guys were hooking up with each other behind the scenes, LOL explains why I write mostly M/M now. 😂

20) What's your favorite fic you've written?

They're kind of like my babies so at different times different ones are my faves. But if I really had to pick one, I would say Stay With Me is my favorite. I got some of the most amazing comments on this story from people that found meaning and themes in the story that I didn't even realize I'd put in there. It was one of my first WinterFrost fics I'd posted and the response was more than I could have asked for.

And now I have to tag people! @teadrinkingwolfgirl @incredifishface @incubigirl @rabentochter @marvelswinterfrost and whoever else feels up to it.

xoxo

[sometimesiwritebadly]

illicit affairs (Spencer Reid x Reader)

Summary: You catch feelings for Spencer after the two of you start casually sleeping together. He doesn’t.

Warnings: Sexual themes, no actual smut though. 

Notes: ANGST. This is based off of the song illicit affairs by Taylor Swift! The song implies that there’s cheating but I can’t see Spencer ever cheating on someone so the scandal of this relationship is that reader and Spence are co-workers and there’s a pretty big age gap. (OBVIOUSLY reader is 18+, I imagine late 20s cause they’re in the FBI. By season 15 I think Spencer is in his late 30s/early 40s) This takes place AFTER the season 15 finale so if you haven’t finished the show don’t read this! There is a pretty big spoiler for the finale! Oh also I tried to make this gender neutral but if I accidentally left in any female pronouns lmk and I’ll fix it :)

oh another thing, I’ve seen a lot of people writing based off of songs from folklore (as they should) so just a little disclaimer: if this bears any resemblance to another story based off of illicit affairs it’s a coincidence! I’ve purposely been avoiding most of the stories i see based off folklore songs cause i don’t wanna accidentally steal an idea but i also understand that there’s only so many stories you can make based off of one song so there’s bound to be some elements that are shared between different fics.

~if it’s in italics it’s a flashback~

Word Count: 1.8k

Masterlist

You’d only been the BAU’s technical analyst for a month the first time. It had been hard joining the very close team, considering you were the youngest member and you were replacing one of their closest friends, but Spencer had taken a liking to you faster than the rest of the team. You knew none of them meant to make you feel bad, but sometimes you felt like you were living in the shadow of the great Penelope Garcia. You never missed the comments about how much she was missed, how great of a hacker she was, how she always came through. Spencer was the only one who actively avoided comparing you to your predecessor. So, really, it’s no surprise that you ended up in his bed after the team came back from a rough case. Unfortunately for you, that was the beginning of your doom.

~ the first time ~

The team was getting off the jet after a rough case. Normally, as the technical analyst, you didn’t have to travel with the rest of the BAU, but this one had called for you to be on site for the first time since you joined the BAU. You were tired, and heartbroken from the deadly results of the past couple days, and all you really wanted to do was go home and cuddle up in bed with someone. Of course, you didn’t have anyone to be with, so you’d have to settle for a cup of cocoa and a comforting movie. As you headed to your car, you heard one of your co-workers, Reid, calling your name.

“Y/N?” You stopped your walking and turned to see the doctor walking towards you. “Do you mind giving me a ride? It’s late, I’d rather not try and get a taxi at this hour.” If it was anyone else, you probably would’ve said no, but you couldn’t resist Spencer’s charm. He was over 10 years your senior, and you knew it could never happen because of workplace rules, but it never hurt to dream. 

“Y-yeah, of course. You live on 23rd and…”

“42nd street. It’s not too out of your way, is it?”

“No, not at all.” It’s on the opposite side of town. You’re sure he could easily tell if you were lying, but he was either too tired to notice or willing to ignore it. When you finally glanced up to meet Spencer’s eyes, you found him already staring you down. With a light blush forming on your cheeks, you lead him to your car.

On the ride to Spencer’s, the two of you discussed how you felt about the case.

“How did you feel with everything? I know you usually don’t have to see firsthand everything that goes on during our cases.” He asked.

“It was..a lot.” You paused, letting yourself steal a glance towards Spencer before focusing your eyes on the road. “I much prefer experiencing these cases from behind a computer screen.”

“That’s understandable. Garcia was the same way. It’s always good having someone to talk to about the rough cases.” 

The conversation continued, but you weren’t really focusing on the words passing between the two of you. No, you were much more interested in Spencer’s hands. Specifically, his left hand, which was slowly inching closer and closer to your thigh. By the time you were pulling up in front of his apartment building, his hand had reached your lower thigh, just above your knee. Now that you weren’t driving, you could face him, and you found that he was carefully watching you. “Is this ok?” He asked. If you wanted an out, this was it. No lines have been crossed, no rules broken, it’d be so easy to stop this now and go back to normal at work Monday morning. 

“Yes.” Once the words left your mouth, Spencer leaned towards you, closing the gap between you. The kiss started gentle, but was far from innocent. You let him have complete control as he explored your mouth. You could feel his intentions through the kiss, and you knew you’d be in for a night. When he pulled away, you could see that his pupils were bigger, and you were sure your face was completely red. 

“Come in?” It was a question, but it felt more like a command. Your only response was to remove the key from your car’s ignition before you both quickly headed up to Spencer’s apartment.

~~

Your many nights with Spencer started out comforting. Whenever there was a rough case, or just a bad day, you could count on him to make you feel better. You were far from a relationship; No one knew that the two of you occasionally slept together, and you never talked about it outside of your meetings. You supposed you could label it as friends with benefits, but that felt like it downplayed what you were to each other. Or, what Spencer was to you. You’re not stupid, you know that he doesn’t feel for you the way you do for him. You’re well aware that you’re not exclusive, and that he has no obligations to you. But when you’re together, which is becoming more and more frequent, you’re really together. Sometimes it’s easy to forget when you’re with him that he’s not your boyfriend. He gives you gifts, calls you baby, sometimes he even brings you to fancy hotels. But the second you two separate, your relationship makes a 180. In the bedroom, you’re “baby.” At work, you’re “kid.” In the bedroom, you wear the perfume he bought you and he praises you for it. When you dared to wear it at work, he’d completely ignore you. 

Every minute you spend with him, you fall a little bit more. But every second you’re apart, your heart breaks over and over again.

~ the hundredth time ~

You were in your car, outside of Spencer’s building. As the two of you kissed, Spencer pulled you on top of his lap. You pulled away for a moment, but he captured your lips once more before you could get your words out. This time, your hand pushed him away so you could speak. “Shouldn’t we go inside?”

“Why not just stay here?” His lips found your neck for a moment before he kept speaking, “It’s faster. We cut out the middleman, you can get home sooner.” You were glad Spencer’s lips were focused on your neck, because it meant he couldn’t see the insulted look on your face. You knew the two of you hadn’t been quite as romantic lately, if ever, but you felt like you were slapped in the face when Spencer implied that even spending the time to walk you to his apartment, having a nice conversation over a drink was just the “middleman.” Before you could respond, however, he pulled away from your neck and looked at you. “Besides, haven’t you always wanted to do it in a car?” And just like that, his charm had caught you again. You smiled, and kissing him again, harder this time. You put all your energy into focusing on him, making each other feel good, and no on how your once romantic nights were slowly turning into quickies whenever Spencer felt like getting off.

~~

At work, you and Spencer were good at keeping it professional. Both of your jobs could be in trouble if people found out. When you really thought about it, you knew that Prentiss would probably be ok with you two dating if you went through the proper procedures with HR, but Spencer had said it’d be better to keep it secret. You didn’t want whatever you two were to end, so you went along with it. 

Today was a rare calm day at the BAU, with no new cases for the team to work on. You’d been catching up on paperwork in your office, but when you were in need of coffee, you decided to stop by the other team member’s desks on the way to the coffee machine. Now that you’ve been with the team for over a year, You’d gotten pretty close with the members. You and Luke have inside jokes, you babysit Matt and JJ’s kids, you, Tara, and Rossi bond over your shared love of old cars. When you walked into the office space, you weren’t surprised to find Spencer, Luke, and Matt talking around their desks instead of doing paperwork. When you walked past the trio, you overheard their conversation.

“So, Reid, you coming tonight? Rossi said he’d bring out the good scotch.” Luke asked. You knew they’d been planning a poker night. Not really your thing, but you figured you’d join just to be with the team. Spencer’s answer to the question is what really got your attention.

“I can’t. I’ve got a date.” You almost tripped over your feet on the way to the coffee machine when you heard him. A date? 

“Oh? Is this the same girl from last week?” Matt asked. As you poured your coffee, you tried your best to listen in without being obvious. You and Spencer had been together last Wednesday...were they talking about you? Had Spencer mentioned that he was seeing you? Did he consider your hookups as dates?

“Yup. I’m not sure where it’s going yet, but I’m excited.” Your mind was racing at this point. Either your dreams were finally coming true, or you were about to get your heartbroken for the millionth time. You were so lost in your thoughts you didn’t even notice that Spencer had made his way towards you to get himself another cup of coffee. “Y/N? You alright, you look a little worried.” He asked, snapping you out of your thoughts. You knew you should wait till you’re in a more private location, but your words come out of your mouth before you could stop them.

“A date tonight? I didn’t think we had plans.” You took a sip of your coffee, trying to seem as nonchalant as possible. If he was talking about you, you didn’t want to seem over excited. But if he wasn’t, well…

The face he made gave away the answer before he spoke. “Oh, uh, no. We don’t.” Ouch. “I met someone at the bookstore near my place a couple weeks ago.” He paused, not making eye contact with you as he poured his coffee. “That’s uh,” His voice was lower this time, “That’s not a problem is it?”

“No! Not at all.” You answered a little too quickly. “It’s not like we’re dating, right?” You didn’t wait for his answer before you walked away. When you made it back to the safety of your office, you couldn’t help the single tear that dropped from your eye before you got back to work. 

Instead of going to Rossi’s with the rest of the team, you spent the night alone with a cup of cocoa and a comforting movie, like you wish you had a year ago.

~~

taglist: @dr-reid-ismyspiritanimal @la-vie-en-amour1 @peculiarinsomniac @andreasworlsboring101

[cicaklah]

Fic writer meme

Nicked from @alienfuckeronmain

1) How many works do you have on AO3? 83 as of touched by the feasting tendrils of the night, my first mainline oxventure fic (which no one but me cares about)

2) What's your total AO3 word count?

372k (as of 10th August 2021)

3) How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

27 though there's a couple of multitags in there. 22 without.

4) What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

look what you made me do - So I'm good at writing fast and being new to fandoms. This paid off for me. I wrote this very quickly and it includes a lot of taylor swift references, including some very oblique ones that I'm pretty proud of. Also its got a great sex scene and some good OCs and the phrase goatus interruptus.

feel you from the inside - my first viral fic! AKA when do you guys do rec? Turns out Stormtroopers have orgies like workouts and superstitions about wanking and Poor Poe Dameron. Never saw it coming. Jas Queen - the sequel to lwymmd. There's so much in this story that I really love, I think the sex scene is one of my best, its symbolic, its funny, it has songs and puppetry and crossdressing! Catch me when I'm falling for you. - again, early to the fandom, reaps the reward. The perfect girlfriend is better, but this was me on a post-ghostbusters high writing science girlfriends

vestis virum facit - this is a reverse striptease/clothing porn/cockblocking geralt for fun and kudoes fic.

5) Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

Probably 99% of them. Only really don't answer ones that are "thanks for sharing" on very old stories.

6) What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?

Lolololol consent to be wrecked. I genuinely thought I'd write a sequel after the last Jedi came out so I purposely didn't give them a happy ending. Absolute lols. I also thought I'd be a bnf off the back of it. the amount of humble pie I ate in the aftermath of that story would give me diabetes if it was real. I needed it though, the experience.

However, if there is love at the end of everything is a twilight zone style story, it has the most "bad ending" of all my fics.

7) What's the fic you've written with the happiest ending?

The schmoopiest ending is definitely the rose of terok nor, I kind of almost hate it but it is the point that they have a romance novel ending. Honourable mention to go let the stars watch let them stare...the happy ending is a single line but fuck did I work so hard for it.

8) Do you write crossovers? If so what is the craziest one you've written?

I've written and published two crossovers but I don't think either are crazy really. I wrote never noticed the rain, an X men/Hannibal fusion, and a dS/bsg fusion/crossover called the poets let a generation down that I think everyone in latter-day dS fandom has to write. I wrote a lot of weird ones in my nsfw Fridays days, and I wrote two raffles/star wars crossovers interesting basically just me and one other person. Oh and I have an outline for a Hitman/Bloodborne fic I will never write even though I really, really want to.

9) Have you ever received hate on a fic?

I was the target of dsanon like everyone in latter day ds fandom, and once a peer in swtfa fandom said that one of my stories was rapey (it was not ctbw) and I'm STILL furious about it. Also back in my ff.net trigun days someone said I was "waisting my talent" and I was sad for ages.

10) Do you write smut? If so what kind?

lolololol. I used to exclusively write slash smut, then I moved to femslash smut, now I write 75% het smut. honestly I wonder what happened to me.

11) Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of.

12) Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes! Mostly femslash stories into Chinese, Russian and Thai.

13) Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No. I don't even have a beta. I've discussed it a couple of times but honestly it feels too much like work.

14) What's your all time favourite ship?

Raffles and Bunny, probably. Obviously 47 and Diana are my current otp, (we will always have Mendoza and the launch trailer even if we don't have the lust dlc) and I have other fandoms and I'll always love most of the pairings I've written (sit down johnlock). That said, I think only Raffles and Bunny still give me the fluttery feeling in my chest with how hard I ship them, 12 years since I first read the first pages of the ides of march and lost my mind.

15) What's a WIP that you want to finish but don't think you ever will?

Pioneer au. The last Jedi killed off everything good about star wars, but this was going to be SO iddy and SO brilliant and I'm still SO keen to write it. I might file the serial numbers off it and make it an original story...but its such a star wars story, its such a classic fic, I think it'd just feel like a fic with the names changed. plus, the twist won't work...god fucking damn it Kyle Ron. I'll never get over the loss of that fandom.

16) What are your writing strengths?

Character studies, smut, character studies through smut. Cadence and rhythm of prose. Dumb sex farces.

17) What are your writing weaknesses? Dialogue, pacing, plot, OCs. They're improving though.

18) What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?   I think there's only one fic where there's another language that's a plot point, which is in blow a kiss fire a gun, which no one has ever told me was wrong, unlike every single time I try and use Latin for fic titles. I once got Latin so wrong I got so immediately called out for it I ended up using the translation in the gibberish of chapter three of consent to be wrecked.

19) What was the first fandom you wrote for?  Trigun. Well, technically the X files, but I never posted it. Trigun was my first fandom, I was 13, I wrote smut. It is still floating around on the internet and I'm not linking it. You're welcome.

20) What's your favourite fic you've written?

I have a list on my ao3 profile of my faves but it needs updating, but number one probably has to be even steak don't cry. Second place is the rose of terok nor...2019 was a good year for my fic writing. Shout out also to the currently unpublished final part of watch me (its coming!) which I have reread and redrafted so many times and love so much.

I'd love to read other people's, so if you want to, give it a gooooo.

[coke-and-candy]

Fashion Editorial Special: Audrey Bourgeois

Inspired by this post link by @purrincess-chat 

Lila put herself out there in the public domain, and just because Marinette’s class and teachers might be stupid enough to fall for her lies, doesn’t mean that there aren’t adults out there who are...

The question was who? Who is critical and vicious enough to do so and has a HUGE audience to say things to, and who works closely with the modeling and fashion worlds and actually knows what they’re talking about...? 

Why! Madame Audrey Bourgeois! The Queen of Fashion herself. So please put on your best Devil Wears Prada reading hats on and enjoy as Audrey takes no prisoners. 

------------

“Gabriel Agreste Losing His Mind and Sense of Taste”

By Audrey Bourgeois

Published: 9/15/20XX

It is no secret in the fashion world that since the mysterious disappearance of Emilie Agreste, famous Parisian actress, model, and wife of Gabriel Agreste—the man who had single handedly built the Gabriel brand from the ground up—the once envied designer had shut himself away from the world. Living the life of a recluse and refusing nearly any physical human interaction.

That is not to say that the man had lost his ability to design and to run his business, he just now does it all from the Agreste Manor in Paris, France. According to sources he now mostly conducts business meetings via videoconference calls and oversees the employees of this fashion empire via his ever-present and faithful assistant, Nathalie Sancoeur.  It was not until a little over a year after the disappearance of his beloved wife that Gabriel Agreste, at last, decided to grace the world with his presence. Appearing, for the first time in public, at the Gabriel Spring Fashion Show, where his own teenage son and Paris heartthrob, Adrien Agreste (age 15), was walking the catwalk modeling one of the newest spring suits and featuring a stylish bowler hat, designed by a talented and young up-in-coming designer, Marinette Dupain-Cheng (age 14).

Despite certain incidents that occurred on that day. Part of which was caused by the gross oversight Gabriel Agreste (a first sign to be sure). The show could still be considered a success and did showcase to the rest of the fashion world that Gabriel Agreste’s talent and designing abilities still reigned supreme and are still a force to be reckoned with, regardless of any personal issues he may be facing in private.

It seemed as if Gabriel was making small steps towards the acceptance in his single life.

Turns out this one moment of public interaction may have been the first cry for help.

His latest decisions in regards to just WHO represents his brand have been nothing but questionable and completely and ridiculous, utterly ridiculous.

This past season Gabriel had introduced a new face to its teen fashion line. One Lila Rossi (age 15).

At first it seemed as if this was simply a pity shoot for one of Adrien Agreste’s little schoolmates, as they both attend the same school and are in the same class.

But, alas, this was tragically not the case.

Despite her clear lack of ascetic taste, especially when it came to her own hair. Really, someone should tell that poor child that hanging two sausages on both sides of her face not onlyfails to come across as ‘trendy’ but it sends an ENTIRELY different message.

I’m both surprised and appalled her mother would leave the house with that style.

I certainly would never allow my own child to been seen like that in public.

Unfortunately, that first shoot was only the beginning as Ms. Rossi has appeared alongside fellow model, Adrien, in three more shoots and a commercial that pathetically tries, and monumentally fails, in portraying them as a young couple in love.

I have worked in fashion long enough to be able to spot what works and what does NOT a merely a glance. But one does not even need to be an INTERN to recognize that the dynamics between Adrien Agreste and Lila Rossi is so utterly ridiculous to the point a shutter of nausea courses through one’s body.

While Adrien continues to hold his own in the modeling world, despite the large shadows that both his parents cast, he is able to shine on his own merit and truly does have the looks and talent to model and act (no doubt traits he inherited from his mother). The same cannot be said for Lila Rossi.

Lila Rossi’s whole look (if you can call it that) is simply not genuine. I have worked in this industry long enough to be able to tell the diamonds apart from the rhinestones. Lila Rossi may want for people to believe that she is a diamond, but she is, without a doubt a rhinestone. Cheap, easy to produce, and a one in a billion find. Oh, sure she may have charm and charisma to carry some solo stock picture photo shoots but in order to make it in the Fashion World one requires to have a certain light and spark that stands on its own.

To put it simply, this girl has no discernable personality. Her expressions are stagnant, as if she had to practice being human, her posing leads me to believe she is merely trying to look good for the camera instead of working to display the clothing and products in their best light, and she has close to no versatility in any of the photo-shoots she has done as all of her pictures can be simply described as her in different outfits but using the exact same four expressions over and over again.

When I say the same expressions, I mean—THE EXACT SAME.

The Sophia robot emotes more human emotion than Rossi.

It is Adrien who carries the shoots and is doing the lion shares of the work while Lila Rossi does her best to APPEAR like a model. To put it simply—she is NOT.

Her hair is just one issue, but it her overall presence that just scream ‘Fake’.

A picture is worth a thousand words, and unfortunately, there are many pictures to choose from.

In the very first photo-shoot that was done with Adrien as her co-model you can easily see the disparity between the two. While Ms. Rossi seems more than happy to be in a loving embrace by one of Paris’ most eligible young bachelors, the same cannot be said for the young Agreste heir. There is an obvious tension in his body language that does not show in any of his other photo-shoots, including ones where he and another model were portraying romantic feelings for those ads. The untrained eye can see the slight curve of his spine, as if he wishes to get away but can’t, the small tension in his smile that screams, “I don’t want to be here but I have a job to do”.

My final verdict to the latest photo-shoot from the Gabriel name, that once more featured Adrien Agreste and Liar Rossi, was that is was ridiculous, completely and utterly ridiculous!

Inside sources on location where the two teens have modeled have also confirmed that there does not seem to be any natural chemistry between them and that Adrien had picked up a habit of making himself scarce until he is needed. Other sources verify that Lila Rossi seems to cling to him as much as possible. Perhaps, in the hopes that someone will confirm her own pathetic delusions of the possibly budding relationship between the two of them?

And my does this girl have a number of delusions.

Not counting the one where she THINKS she can model.

According to several interviews that this girl has given to the sub-par tabloid blog, TheLadyblog, she claims to be the best friend of the Parisian super-heroine, Ladybug. Claims to have connections to multiple high-profile celebrities such as Jagged Stone and Clara Nightingale. Going as far as to claim that Jagged Stone even wrote a song about her. Lets ignore the legal implications of a man in his early thirties writing a song about a child for a second and continue examining more of said child’s claims.

According to another interview she gave on the same trashy blog, she claimed to be involved in multiple charitable organizations and causes, citing different projects that she has ‘supposedly’ helped with and oh so humbly placed most of the successes of those projects on her shoulders.

An official statement from Gabriel has stated that the girl has multiple health issues as well and is an inspiration on her abilities to overcome those obstacles in order to model and her other so-called various charitable actions. Very, well we won’t pry into a minor’s personal health.

Her public life, however, now that she is in the public domain is fair game.

It did not take even twenty minutes of searching to find absolutely NO validity to any of her claims.

Her claims of being a close personal friend of Ladybug: FALSE

-      The timeline does not match her arrival to Paris with her family. Nor does allow for ample time to establish any sort of close friendship.

-      Ladybug herself has the sense to never reveal anything about her personal life, but a little nobody is more than happy to broadcast their ‘supposed’ friendship on a blog that could once claim to be the best source for information on Paris’ two heroes? I think not.

-      Eyewitnesses from when the girl was Akumatized into Chameleon and subsequently defeated on the Eiffel Tower stated that Lila Rossi seemed to hold animosity towards the red clad heroine.

-      Ladybug has made no statements in knowing Lila Rossi and there has been no photo documentation of the two seen together, even though Ladybug can be seen almost daily swinging around and running along Paris’ rooftops with Chat Noir.

Her claims about Jagged Stone writing a song about her because she saved his kitten on airport runway: FALSE

-      Jagged Stone has never owned a kitten according to his personal assistant, Penny Rolling, and his exclusive interview with La Mode three years ago that revealed that the only pet he ever had other than his current pet crocodile, Fang, was a dog as a child in the States.

-      A quick Internet search also reveals that Jagged Stone and Lila Rossi have never even been in the same country together until four months ago. The rock star was still on tour in America while Ms. Rossi was in Paris, France.  The date of the Ladybloginterview is time stamped long before then.

Her claims to helping inspire and help co-write Clara Nightingale’s last album: FALSE

-      Countless interviews with the pop singer, and official statements upon the release of her album, Heart of Gold, will reveal that the inspiration for said album was her grandmother in her native home country of Brazil.

-      This was also the first album that Clara had written completely on her own in order to establish her own unique flair.  

-      I personally reached out to Clara herself and confirmed that she has never, met or even HEARD of a Lila Rossi. Strange? One would think that such collaboration would ensure that one of the parties involved would at least remember the other’s name?

Her claims to travel with Prince Ali of the Kingdom of Achu for environmental charitable work: FALSE

-      Again, a quick Internet search of the Prince’s official website and bio lists all of the organizations he is involved with. All of which focus primarily on children such as the International Coalition for Equal Opportunities, the World Health Organizations vaccinations drive, and the Refugee Children’s Fund to name a few.

-      A quick call to the royal family’s publicity affairs office confirmed that Prince Ali had never been in contact with Lila Rossi and are now looking into the matter for themselves. After all, an unknown person cozying themselves up to the second in line to the throne is matter of GREAT interest to the Royal Head of Security.

Her other claims of travel to international destinations in the middle of the school year: FALSE

-      According to the Italian Embassy’s official website Mademoiselle Maria Rossi had been stationed in Paris since her arrival almost a year ago and has not left the country, other than for a few short trips back to Italy to visit family members.

Her claims in having trained in gymnastics, ballet, and figure skating and even going so far as medal in gold in all three at major competitions in Italy: FALSE

-      Again, a quick Internet search reveals all winners of the top twenty major competitions in Italy for the past fifteen years. Names, age, date, and location of the competitions are easily and readily available to the public. NOTHING about Lila Rossi winning gold in any sort of athletic competition.

Her claims of being invited to have tea with her Royal Majesty, the Queen of England: FALSE

-      Any and all of the Queen o England’s engagements are public records as well as very well documented. Surprise, surprise there is NOTHING about a Lila Rossi mentioned in any credible new source, or even a single tabloid blurb. The only thing to sustain such a claim is the word a child who actually believes that her jacket looks good in light of day.

Honestly, I could go on and on and even be able to write a whole book. This girl has told so many tall tales she makes elected officials seem honest.

So let this be clear to the world of Fashion.

Lila Rossi is nothing more than a liar.

A liar who had only as gotten as far as she did because she was lucky enough to find someone with a decent online following that was both gullible and stupid enough to post those interviews online without ever once providing additional sources to verify them or double checking those claims. It was not that difficult disclaim every single one of those interviews.

I timed myself and it did not even take me my lunch break to do so.

The very fact that this girl is supposed to be the lead female teen face of Gabriel makes me question Gabriel Agreste’s sanity. Does he honestly think that having Rossi represent his brand is the smartest thing to do?

There clearly must be something in the water in Paris if Gabriel Agreste had not even bother to run a simple background check on the girl in order to ensure that there were no skeletons in the closet that would haunt his brand. Turns out she did not have any, but she sure did purposely create them.

I have to congratulate Monsieur Agreste on this achievement though.

Never have I seen the credibility of a designer go from as set in stone, to as questionable as a ‘designer gown’ bought in a Sale-Mart so quickly. What other decisions is he making behind the scenes that will further clue us in to his mental decline. Will the next Gabriel Show feature plaid parachute pants with matching toucan bird print dress shirts?

Yes, it seems as though grief has finally come to claim another once brilliant designer if he is unable to see past the paper-thin façade that Lila Rossi believes will be able to get her through this world. All the signs are there in same hideous orange Rossi insists on wearing.

Clue number one should have been her clear lack of any substance, versatility, and talent after the first photo-shoot she appeared in. The transparent aversion his own son has shown towards a fellow classmate should have been clue number two. And finally, clue number three should have been that this girls climb to fame was all due to a tabloid blog, TheLadyblog, run by the amateur journalist of all amateurs journalists that could not even be bothered to check their sources.

Or Google for that matter…

Gabriel has been known to take certain risks in the past, but the decision to hire Lila Rossi is nothing more than a mistake.

For the sake of all of our ocular senses, both Gabriel Agreste and Lila Rossi are clearly in need of psychiatric help.

The sooner, the better.

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Yay, nay? What did you guys think of this little Fashion Editorial by the Queen of Fashion of the Miraculous universe. Any thoughts. This was just so much fun to write I am so doing a follow-up to this. 

[nomanwalksalone]

TAKE MY IVY, PLEASE

by Réginald-Jérôme de Mans

A few years before my excellent state graduate school destroyed the promise of accessible public education and raised tuition to the same levels as the privates, my housemate, complaining that he wanted an experience that I had already had, transferred to Yale. Said experience, one I had never put a name to, was “the Ivy League experience.” I never thought that my undergraduate years at Dirnelli U (known to non-iGents as Brown) amounted to any sort of emblematic experience of the eight universities that compose the Ivies, nor that the sort of experience that expression connotes exists today outside of the imaginations of a few who have closed their eyes to the sartorial realities of college, whether on the campus of an Ivy League or elsewhere.

Certainly by the time I wandered my college town’s streets the idea of an Ivy look that was not the national college outfit of jeans, sweats or even pajamas was ludicrous, even if those wanderings frequently took me past Brown’s last two, soon-to-be-extinct, soon-to-be-unmourned, Ivy outfitters. Despite one of them adding a large wood carving of the Polo logo to its sign, they remained unrelatable enclaves surrounded by the diners with insane hours (midnight to four AM) and smoke shops with Sobranie Black Russians which I remember more sentimentally.

They weren’t welcoming, either, if I ever braved to venture past the window displays with Royall Lyme and defiantly middle-aged Barry Bricken and Tricots Saint-Raphael mufti. Undergraduates were not buying, and that shop, Hillhouse Ltd, closed my senior year. Times had changed to the point that I remember the opening of a Gap on Thayer Street drawing some criticism in the press for that shop’s expected priciness.

Richard Press evokes Hillhouse Ltd.’s predecessor, Langrock, and the other classic outfitters of the Ivy League in his sparkling memoir Threading the Needle, a collection of reminiscences from his posts on the website of J. Press, the ur-classic clothier founded by his grandfather. Even if J. Press is now owned by its Far Eastern licensee Onward Kashiyama, Richard Press remains the face of the firm, and, for all intents and purposes, its breezy, never windy, voice.

Press is ebullient to the point of becoming almost ethereal, a far cry from my memories of the weary heaviness of my local Ivy shops’ atmospheres, their prosaic furnishings and quite mundane merchandise… But then again, my first recollection of Ivy style, recognized in retrospect like a recovered memory, was of my high school English teacher’s tweed jacket, which he opened to lend me a pen that smelt as memorably bad as almost anything I’ve smelt since then, including tanneries and certain institutional wards, suffused as it was not with the Hebridean peat fires that Richard Press insists you could smell in the old Harris Tweeds his father sold, but with decades of spilt coffee and sweat-drenched wool that must have never seen a dry clean, so that his shapeless, indiscriminately patterned tweed jacket bore the pedigree of its soiling. My first experience, then, was of miasma, not Press’s ether.

No wonder Richard Press makes a virtue out of the emptiness of the actual Ivy stores, filling them with ethos and intangible evocations: a sense not just of community but of belonging. Belonging to the New Haven restaurants that only sat university students and staff, not townsfolk; belonging to the boisterous undergraduates who knew that Press’s frequently invoked “Boola boola” is a Yale fight song; belonging to a time when immigrant tailor Jacobi Press and his staff travelled the trails of the carriage trade and visited boarding schools to sell rich adolescents custom suits, the better to lock them in for college and life. Belonging to dangerous road trips between Dartmouth and its sister college in the days before co-education (or good highways) to flirt, or at least hope to loan out a J. Press Shetland wool sweater; belonging to Frank Sinatra’s party one whirlwind evening when the Chairman of the Board sat most of the J. Press New York staff at his table in all the chic watering holes; belonging to the small group of people who have seen Dean Acheson in his underwear… Always, however, the thrill of this inclusion is in its exclusion of others: through codes of language, through the financial means required to pay for custom tailoring (for children who would grow out of it!); through social class. It is a privilege to read Richard Press’ writing, but it would be unwise to forget the privilege his rosy reminiscences required.

Comfort and ease in tailored clothing, then as now, only came at great expense. It does not surprise me that those physical Ivy shops of Providence, untouched by J. Press’s halo, withered and died. Threading the Needle includes Richard Press’s jabs at casualization. He bemoans it as a great swindle on us, depriving us of knowing what to wear, and requiring us to buy cheaper, junkier clothes at much higher margins than what honest traditional merchants like J. Press were and are selling us. But the reason Ivy is dead is because the class that wore this syncretistic American clothing, a dowdy bastardization of Britishness with Puritan formlessness thrown in, reflexively because it was what was done, and what was sold where one shopped, was quite happy to wear lighter, easier, less confining clothing as soon as they could shed the weight of Ivy, the dress code expectations that changed so radically from the 1960s onward, and quite happy to spend less on cheaper casual clothing than on expensive tailored jackets and ties whose silk had to be madder-dyed in England. You may see a few young people wearing a Harris Tweed jacket or seersucker sportcoat on a northeastern college campus, but they are all doing so with intentionality, the intention to recreate something that no longer naturally exists, populating an invented ecosystem with overthought clothing to which they associate a politics that was not at all certain to be associated with it in the days when so-called Ivy clothing was the norm on Ivy campuses.

Press’s essays even give us, in pieces, the narrative of what actually happened to Ivy Style. Once upon a time it was the norm on rarefied campuses of young gentlemen who might continue using the same tailor who had bench-made their clothes in high school and college once they graduated to Wall Street, like a Fitzgerald protagonist. The aftermath of World War II democratized (to a point) college enrollment through the GI Bill, leading many, many more people, of theretofore-unrepresented social classes, to attend college and adopt a similar wardrobe. (Another prep school teacher once informed us that Columbia University had simply called up his father after the war and asked him to attend, allowing him to climb the social ladder.) Innovations in production allowed factory manufacture of Ivy-style ready-to-wear garments as well, so that the increased number of people who wanted to wear Ivy could also afford to wear the Ivy look without having to pay the prices of artisanal one-off work. Ivy became widespread: Press uses the word “heyday” in the titles of several of his essays from this golden age when Ivy was the look. And every fashionable look has its end. Not only did fashions change, but social changes in the 1960s meant that homogenous dressing on campuses was at an end, particularly dressing like one supposed a white-collar grownup would in coat and tie. The 1970s’ upheaval in prep school dress codes broke the back of coat and tie for kids, dealing another blow to Ivy. The Ivy partisans Press evokes who wore it during those decades, doughty men, men of intelligence like Dick Cavett, of integrity like John Chancellor, were middle-aged men who had started wearing the same style of clothes decades earlier as students. (Even Frank Sinatra, who scooped Richard up to his bosom, only lasted nine months as a customer in the late 1960s before sending an emissary to tell Richard Frank no longer wanted to experiment with the Ivy look.) Ivy as a style worn by current Ivy Leaguers, or by American college students pretty much anywhere, no longer existed.

Decades later I, too, wear tweed jackets, but keep them clean (unlike the original Ivy population), and am not a parafascist reactionary (unlike some of the most visible latter-day Ivy practitioners). Savile Row tailors had to sacralize the concept of tweed for me, washing away all its associations of brown, smelly, shapeless and hegemonic, so that my garments in it, strange alpaca Shetland weaves or unthinkable lavenders, are as far from Ivy as possible.  Despite the awful Brown Daily Herald (for which I coined the motto “all the print that fits is news”) carrying a weekly News of the Ivies section, none of us felt any ineffable Ivy-ness. The closest I came to such a feeling may have been reading a cheesy story by Providence’s own H.P. Lovecraft, whose action suddenly shifted to the very room I was sitting in… or perhaps hearing a townie couple at a Spring Weekend concert by the very non-Ivy Violent Femmes mutter about how all the kids in the audience had good teeth.

I do not mourn Ivy, as I do not mourn the shops that died trying to sell it to the college populations that have moved on. I hope my housemate found what he was looking for in New Haven (I did successfully, and evilly, bullshit him into buying two Brigg umbrellas for his move there). Had I been him, no doubt I would have succumbed to some aspect of Richard Press’s winning fantasies, replaying the opening paragraphs of Franny and Zooey in my mind, wool-lined Burberry and all, in search of a possessions-linked romance that reality has no place for in this day and age, if it ever had.