#after LITERALLY like 6 different ideas i came up with for this one chap

[puhpandas]

fleshing out tttb chap 16 more (its about mike and gregory a LOT) and man. it fits so perfectly with the next arc. i think i fixed the pacing issues i was worried about. lets go dude. i was alwyas worried about how i was gonna do their relationship but i think i got something im happy with

[just-some-brainrot]

is this a fic preview? why yes it is!

i'm thinking about starting to post this guy, but its going to be a looonggg fic and i haven't decided if im gonna prewrite it all and then post or hope that i have enough time. but i figured hey, tumblr would probably like this, so here we are

lo and behold: the linked universe au where wild remembers all his past lives, and resolves to end the hero's cycle of reincarnation

also be warned the first chap/preview is below the cut and i write mammoth chapters so its like.,,, 4k words. also the lu boys don't get introduced till like...chapter 6 or something so this is mostly setup and literally picks up right after botw ending (and wild is just referred to as link here)

Do you remember me? she had asked, and he had no response. Not then, and not now, standing in front of the open gates to Hyrule Castle, staring at the sky as all his friends prepared to leave for good. Their spirits hovered silently over the field, a silent reminder of all that had been lost to the Calamity.

This is it, Link thought, the realization hitting him with a sharp kind of pain in his chest. The past year on the road, telling himself just a little bit more, if he could save just this one person…the list had gone on and on, a carefully woven string of lies, until Link had finally found himself in Hyrule Castle. Just one more person. Just save Zelda.

And save her he did.

But what came next? The stories of Legend, of heroes and princess, they never continued on after the great beast fell. It ended, just as abruptly as his memories do. Flashes of a hero raised in the woods, a boat on the sea, a Gerudo King and a world of twilight. It went on and on and on in Link’s mind, to the point he wasn’t quite sure what part of him was really him, and not just memories of past lives.

“How much do you remember?” Zelda asked hoarsely.

Too much. Too little. Not enough, more than he should. What would he say? Yes, Link remembered her. Of course he did; Princess Zelda, descendant of the goddess, tied to the hero throughout their lifetimes by their shared bond to the triforce. He remembered her: remembered her when the world fell into darkness, when she went by a different name and sailed her own ship, when she hid her face and learned the Sheikah ways. He remembered it all, lifetimes ago and even longer.

But that wasn’t her. It wasn’t him.

But you remember, a small voice in his mind whispered. All those lives, and a little more. He remembered Zelda’s weakness for sweets, her hatred of dancing. He remembered the days she’d sneak into the kitchens and drag Link with her, grabbing sweets and pastries and waving around a soup ladle like a sword and hopping on the tables. They were the fondest memories he had, kept gently within the recess of his mind alongside what he remembered of his other champions. He desperately wanted to make more of those memories with her, of sunny days and reckless play, especially now, with both of them no longer duty-bound to the destiny the gods wove for them.

Beneath it all, Link was scared. Hero of Courage or not, he was a coward when it came to things like this. What would happen if he told her that, explained the complicated sotry behind his memory? What if he said he remembered, and then she got too attached? He wasn’t sure if he could keep up the same stoic farce for many more years to come, and what was even more terrifying was the idea of her re-establishing him as her knight. What would he do if she tried to rope him into more hero-work, if she tried to use his memories to research the history of Hyrule? It was all complicated and convoluted, but when things came down to their core, Link had one simple fear.

He was afraid that Zelda would try to change him. But either way, for better, or worse, Link didn’t want to change who he was now, not again, not after years and years of changing who he was to suit those around him.

“Link?”

Even before he said them aloud, the words felt bitter in his mouth as he turned away from the Champions’ spirits, where they hovered above in the sky. If he were to damn himself by lying so blatantly, let it not be under the gazes of his closeest friends.

“I’m sorry. I don’t…it’s–it’s hardly anything.”

Lying came far too easy to Link, the words sounding so earnest and genuine even he wasn’t sure if there wasn’t little grains of truth within it. Lying came so easily it was both terrifying and admirable, the same way that people revere gods yet fear their wrath, the same way that Link would sometimes see himself in battle, washing the blood off his hands and think I must be a monster.

The worst part was how easily she believed it.

“Oh,” she said. It was a tiny noise, tiny in the sense that Zelda seemed to be shrinking from the world, her words curling in at the edges like a rolled piece of paper.

The bitter feeling in Link’s mouth settled into a pit of despair within his stomach. It only deepened further as Zelda turned away, walking through the rubble with her half-torn sandals without a word. The regret was instant and all encompassing, and Link was almost about to reach out and grab her muddy wrist and say wait, but–

But when he turned around to see his friends, they were long since gone. All he could make out in the sky was King Rhoam’s large figure until he, too, disappeared in a shower of sparks and flames.

Gone. They were really gone now. He was alone.

“Link,” Zelda said again, not a question.

He turned his back to Hyrule Caslte and, without a word, offered Zelda his hand as he led her through the ruins of their hometown and out into the field.

In hindsight, Link had not been gentle during his clash with Ganon in Hyrule Field. The charred marks from Ganon’s feet wouldn’t grow over for weeks, nor would the white-tinted scorch marks from his own light-blessed arrows. Grass, torn up from the hooves of his lovely horse Delilah. Grass, stained with crimson blood. Grass, everywhere, on the fields, in the hills, over the valley, torn and shredded, marred by a history of  battle.

At some point, Zelda left behind her shoes in favor of walking through the grass barefoot.

“Do you remember Mipha?”

A little. A lot. Remembered watching her heal someone for the first time, seeing her strength in battle. The first time they went out together, the way he had reached out to hold her hand, terrified, and the way his heart had calmed instantly when she held his hand in return, looping their littlest fingers together and swinging their arms. He remembered arguing with her, up on the mountain. He remembered pushing her away, hiding his face behind a stoic mask and silencing his own voice.

He remembered how she looked when he found her, all faded scales and ghostly flames amidst a river of tears, almost about to give up on ever leaving her ghostly prison.

Link couldn’t bring himself to lie so blatantly again, and settled for a noncommittal shrug. “Enough.”

It wasn’t until Zelda’s gaze turned from downtrodden to wary that Link realized what she was trying to get at. How ironic, to think the princess of Hyrule, who had just sealed away a century-long threat to the country, was more conerned about Link’s memories of his affection for Mipha than anything else.

“Yes,” he sighed. “I remember her–remember her…feelings towards me.”

“Ah. Do you–” Zelda cleared her throat when her voice cracked suddenly, face red and spoltchy. “Do you still–do you harbor, ah–”

“She’s dead,” Link said shortly. He’d had this conversation far too many times already, with Sidon, with King Dorephan, with Muzu of all people, and Kodah and Bazz and… gods, he was sick of it.

What would he say? Yes, I’m still hung up on my dead girlfriend who I never formally courted, because we were engaged 100 years ago but never told anyone because of some great terrible beast that we were both going to fight against, but then that beast ended up killing the both of us, and since I was the only one worth bringing back, apparently, her spirit got to rot away for a century while everyone blamed me for her death. Also, lots of her Zora friends are incredibly racist and she’s a princess and I'm a knight and they were still racist after a century later when I came back, and half of them have just begun to stop blaming me for her death. Half of them still refuse to believe she loved me at all, let alone that I loved her.

“What about Daruk?”

He didn’t even bother answering this time, and simply continued to lead Zelda through the forest east of Hyrule Field.

“Where are you taking me?” she asked.

Link didn’t answer. He was angry and scared and absolutely enraged at his own folly, lying to her like that, and there was no way he’d be able to get his voice to work in this kind of situation. So he simply pointed at the pile of kindling he was setting up and the makeshift log-bench in front of him.

Zelda was a bundle of nerves, tense and small, sitting perched on the edge of the wooden log. She held her elbows in her palms tightly enough there would undoubtedly be little marks in her skin, tucking her torso close to her scapred and bruised shins.

Really, she hadn’t changed a single bit, Link thought, stroking the fledgling flame in front of him. At least he had been stripped of his dirtied clothes, and his blood washed away by the Shrine. Zelda, on the other hand, was just as bloody and bruised as she had been during their retreat from Hyrule Castle a century ago. Her dress was torn in the same spots, her hands were still crusted over mud and under her fingernails were crusted and dried flakes of Link’s own blood from when she held him dying in her arms.

“Wash,” he said roughly, pushing the Sheikah Slate in her hands and pointing south. A small pond was only a short distance away, where she could clean up and hopefully, probably, have some time to hereslf to process everything.

Link nuduged Zelda when she simply clutched the Slate in her hands and seemed to do nothing.

“You–” her voice warbleded and broke agin. “You better not let any monsters or guard–guardians come here. Make sure to keep watch.”

In the silence that follows, a familiar voice spoke from Link’s back. It was calm and quiet in a strangely musical way that reminded Link far too much of the ruins he oft walked through. A silent kind of tragedy.

She is afraid, his sword whispered.

I know, he wanted to tell Fi, balancing the Master Sword on his knees. He had been afraid, too.

Link wasn’t so stupid to not recognize that Zelda had the same fear in her eyes that Link remembered seeing in himself. Terrified at the world around him, in awe and wonder of the beautify of it, uncertain where was safety was and uncertain if a safe place even existed. She needed space more than anything right now, especially considering Link wasn’t exactly up to par when it came to giving (or receiving) comfort.

"Master Link", Fi said, out loud, appearing beside him as she spoke in that sacred language only Link, Fi, Hylia, and whatever immortal denizens remember the Hero from the Sky, could understand.

The language of gods and spirits, a language Link spoke hundreds of lifetimes ago, and he only understood now from the memories those past lives left behind. Fi hadn’t spoken to him until after he completely the trials of the sword and restored her to full power, and even then…

Their relationship was one that was built slowly and tirelessly, with much effort and many struggles. Link figured that his tentative friendship with Zelda, which had been awkward and stilted all those years ago, would be even more stilted in the wake of everything that has happened, much like his bond with Fi had started out like.

“Master.” Fi frowned and leaned forward until she and Link were practically nose to nose. “You’re getting lost in your thoughts again.

Link forced himself to focus. Focus, focus, focus. He always had to focus. He was never focused enough. “Sorry.”

“I have no personal qualms with your typically aloof mannerisms, though someone else wishes to speak with you, and it’s unlikely you will have another opportunity to speak privately like this now that you are in Princess Zelda’s company.”

Link frowned at that. Fi was nothing if not practical, factual, and to the point. Brutally honest in a similar way to Link; any information she didn’t tell him was not because of a secret, but either because of necessity or she simply didn’t have the information to give.

It made her strangely ominous warning all the more confusing

“Who?”

“I do not know,” she said cooly, settling beside Link as he pulled out some bandages and a small kit he made for medical emergecies. “I sense a spirit with the strong desire to speak with you, though they have yet to reveal their physical form.”

Oh. Link was, unfortunately, familiar with this routine. Though he had not chanced upon a single spirit save for the late king upon the Great Plateau, Link had encountered his fair share of spirits udring his trek through Hyrule’s mainland. At first, he hadn’t even realize some of them were spirits–he had been confused as to why the merchant seemed so surprised when Link sold him some fruit, or the small children had been so excited when Link promised to play. After seeing Mipha, though, and getting a better idea of how, exactly, everything had ended…he was a bit more aware of the differences between the living and the dead after that.

“You can show yourself,” he said quietly, not bothering to look up as he peeled off his bloody gloves and the cloth wrap beneath it. He’d need to wash them later, but for now he could at treat any nasty bruises or shrapnel cuts with bandages before putting the soiled gloves back on.  “Neither of us have harmful intentions.”

There was a beat or two of silence as Link finished up, in which Fi spoke a bit just for the sake of having something to do and eventually returned to rest within the sword. Her presence had been a comfort, especially as the blade of the Master Sword seemed to warm and keep him comfortable even as the temperature dropped. Link had been halfway to starting to stitch a particularly large gash on his arm when the spirit finally revealed themself in a flash of bright blue sparks and flames. He always thought the whole fire and smoke thing was funny–the fact that the same way that spirits appeared in this world was the same exact way that they would eventually leave it.

“Wait!” a familiar voice cried, ghostly hand reaching out to stop Link from starting the stitches.

It was not their actions that made Link pause. “Mipha?”

She smiled apologetically, her figure just the same as it was 100 years ago, though hazy and faded around the edges. “Hello again. You probably thought I left.”

I saw you leave, he wanted to say. Link simply stared.

“I–” Mipha looked down, then, away from Link’s eyes to inspect the gash in his arm. “Daruk and I stayed behind. He didn’t want to leave behind his grandson, Yunobo, just yet.”

Her magic was the same as always. Cool, gentle, and cloyingly sweet. Lavender tincture in the form of magic, although Link thought that even the full dose of his lavender-tincture medicine didn’t exactly compare to the instant pain relief Mipha’s healing brought.

“And you?” he asked softly. He waited his bated breath for her reply as she knelt beside him, focused and flustered.

“Between you and Sidon, I thought it would be wise of me to stay behind and make sure neither of you got in too much trouble.” Mipha smiled wistfully and removed her hands from his forearm to reveal perfectly unmarred skin where the laceration was, framed by the plethora of scars around his wrist and inner arms. It looked out of place among all the faded marks and purpled bruises.

Mipha clicked her tongue teasingly. “Reckless as always.”

“You don’t have to stay for me,” Link told her. The guilt had torn him up inside before she had been freed from Vah Ruta, and the same guilt still haunted him now, seeing her ghostly form and regretful smile. “Go watch over Sidon, or move on. Rest. You deserve it.”

“We both do,” she said simply, moving onto his other arm with clinical precision. “And yet, not even minutes after you defeat the Calamity, you start tearing yourself up inside because you lied to Princess Zelda about your memories.”

Ah, so this is why, he wanted to say. It was painfully obvious, now. Why else would Mipha stay? She knew Link could take care of his own wounds and bandage new ones, and with how much time Sidon has been spending involving himself in the court at Zora’s Domain, there wasn’t a chance of him getting out and hurt by some other odd monster.

“Mipha–”

She pinched a particularly sore bruise and didn’t give Link a chance to argue further. “I will not reprimand you for lying. It’s a complicated topic, and that would’ve been a terrible time to dump so much information on her, but I do expect that you won’t keep this hidden for too long after this, hm?”

Link squirmed under Mipha’s gaze. Gentle and calm, as always, which was even more terrifying in the wake of her clear disapproval.

“You cannot hide your true self from those around you and expect to have an honest relationship with them at the same time,” she chided. Fi seemed to chime in agreement at that, her voice coming through as more of a feeling and expression than actual words. Link sighed.

He was outnumbered. “I can’t tell her.”

“You told Purah.” “Purah didn’t spend over half her life praying to a rock in the likeness of the goddess because everyone told her she needs to fulfill her destiny and be like the hero and be like Link. Zelda  hated me then, and she’d probably hate me now if I told her.”

Mipha shrugged and sat back as Link put back on his armor. “She doesn’t hate you for who you are, just what you stand for.”

He smiled wryly at that. “How comforting.”

“You must do something about this, though.” Mipha frowned again, her hesitant joke replaced by a more serious tone. “You either tell your dear ones about this and learn to live with it or find answers for whatever questions you have.

“Make a decision,” Mipha emphasized, grabbing Link’s hands in her own when he showed no clear response.

Decision on what, he wanted to ask, just so she could tell him what to do. Give him an order, give him a command or goal or quest, or something. Link had questions, sure, but he wasn’t good at finding answers to them–that was Zelda, Purah, Impa, Robbie. Smart and determined. Link was just the kid soldier who was good with a sword and even better at following orders.

“You can’t let this go on.” She shook her head. “I can’t watch this go on. These memories of past heroes…it’s eating you up inside, and if I have to spend one more night watching you claw off your scars or forget where you are I’m–”

There was no end to this tragedy. Surely the gods must find this situation a little bit humorous, or else they wouldn’t let all this pointless suffering go on for so long. Link’s life at this point was probably a comedy show for the Fates: a boy good with a sword, a boy shipped to military school and turned out to be an army brat, turned out to be a hero, turned out to be dead, turned out to be a failure, turned out to forget who he was, turned out he remembered far too well who he was, turned out all his friends were dead, turned out that their ghosts still haunted him, turned out–

Turned out he didn’t even know who he was without his sword.

Sorry. Sorry, sorry, a thousand times over, but the words wouldn’t come even when Link tried. The gentle smile Mipha gave him then was just too much. He wanted to cry.

But then a familiar warm chime played from beside Link, and Fi’s words seemed to work like a salve against the gaping hole in Link’s heart. It was just like Fi to cut right to the chase, to know that words of comfort and pointless platitudes wouldn’t help him nearly as much as some kind of plan would.  Master, I believe there is a way to understand why you have memories of your past incarnations. ...if you desire to pursue this path.

“Link?” Mipha asked, staring between him and the Master Sword with wide eyes.

Link couldn’t reply. Shock worked like that, and between his previous adrenaline high and the emotional rollercoaster that has been today, he was too scrambled to even look her way. He could only see a puff of flames and a brief wave goodbye when Zelda came back, hair wet, wearing one of his tunics and poking at the slate furiously.

“Link?” Zelda’s voice was less gentle than it had been before, tinged more with hesitance and uncertainty.

Link nodded in greeting and tried to pay as much attention as he could while talking with Fi. He was lucky that she remained in the sword for now, and that Zelda didn’t bat an eye at the sight of Link with the sword in his lap–to her, he was just keeping guard in his silent vigil, as usual.

It was all too easy for Link to tune her out.

What are you thinking, Fi?

It would be almost impossible to find the source of your memories if we don’t understand them first. The best course of action would be returning to Hateno to piece together what information we have currently before continuing our investigation.

And you think that if we do this, I can figure out why I’m like this? Link wondered. It sounded far too easy for him to believe it, especially after how difficult everything has been in the past year.

There is nothing wrong with you, Fi said easily, recognizing the meaning behind his phrasing. But, yes, it would at least help us better understand why Goddess Hylia deemed it necessary for you to remember your past lives when so many before you did not.

A thought came to him then, sudden and unbidden, as he watched Zelda gingerly sit down and hug her knees to her chest. Each little cut and bruise seemed to stand out from her pale-white skin, a niggling reminder in the back of Link’s mind. Failure. It was another thing that his ancestors before him did not have, but Link himself did. Why? Why did they get their victory, but he didn’t?

But even those lives he didn’t really win, did he? The price was always too steep, worth more than what he gained. Even when the heroes of old had been victorious, they had not escaped unscathed. Their names are well-worn into his memory. Midna, gone. Marin, lost. Little Aryll, kidnapped. Beyond that: Hyrule flooded, towns brought to ruin, Termina looping through time again and again as the world ended over and over. Princess and hero and demon, again and again and again and again….

After so many lifetimes, all their losses seemed to accumulate, lifetimes' worth of bargaining with dietes and fighting in wars all culminating in this moment. Would Link’s own failure become a part of this series of memories, a ripple effect that etches itself into Hyrule’s history throughout the course of time? Would he, too, eventually fade to memory as yet another hero raises his blade, unaware of the futility of the situation, how pointless his battles will eventually be?

If I could make sense of these memories, Link wondered hesitantly, quietly, afraid that someone may find a way to see his thoughts,

Could I end this cycle of reincarnation?

[chimswae]

BTS Caretaker CH21

Summary: She may think she has Bangtan Sonyeondan wrapped around her fingers. She may think it is easy to love the members equally without hurting any soul. She may think the boys wont fall head over heels for her. She assumes it is okay to show a little love and affection towards the boys, what if she gets it all wrong? What if it only brings more complication to her already complicated life? Can she survive their charms? Will she be able to resist them? What if they just wont let her go?

- Pairing: BTS x Oc ( Yoongi x OC, Jungkook x OC)

- Genre: Fluff, Slight Angst, Romance, Idol!au

- Word Count: 6, 707

- Author Note: I missed the date of posting new chapter again, okay so caught up with work :< aish, but it is okay i am updating now!

Previous | Next

Chapter 21

It was a long silence between them, neither the boys nor Seul dared to utter anything. To begin with, what was they supposed to say at first place. The Jungkook and Seul relationship or Jimin’s sudden outburst. As much as they wanted to bring Yoongi’s side of the story into the picture, they thought it was out of context. Yoongi’s issues had nothing to do with them, yet one of the reasons that trigger Jimin’s anger was related to Yoongi after all.

For once Namjoon had never feel burdened with the responsibility as the leader of BTS until today. Firstly, he had to unravel the tense between Jungkook, Jimin and Seul. The atmosphere between the four walls were suffocating him, and he could tell everyone felt the same. He held his breath for a long time before exhaling a deep sigh garnering everyone’s eyes on him “Alright. Let’s get thing straight” glancing at the maknae whom sat across him. Seul felt her heart being torn apart from this impromptu confrontation. To be frank, she was not ready to be questioned this way especially when it came to her and Jungkook status.

“Jung, is there something going on between you and Seul?” Namjoon probed. Gulping away her nervousness, Seul was being surrounded by a group of man who appeared to be very protective over the youngest member of their group. Yoongi looked like he was ready to swing his baseball bat and beat some shit outta Jungkook and Jimin. His eyes never left Seul ever since the scene at her workplace. Not that he cared, yet it was bothersome to be remembered by it. Learning the truth behind Jungkook’s disappearance at night stung his heart even more.

Jungkook is one step ahead him. Yoongi groaned in frustration.

Jungkook stammered “Seul and I…We became friends because I am their frequent customer there. I spent my time there to draw” he pressed his palms together searching for strength to face his members’ wrath.

“You become friends and as far as I am concern friends don’t kiss, that is too affectionate. What is the meaning behind those kiss? ” Jin leaned his back on the seat, tilting his head to take a good look of Seul expression. Now that they had came to this, he feared to hear the truth.

Jungkook and Seul relationship would be the beginning or the end of him.

Chewing her chapped lips, Seul fingers fidgeted unconsciously at the end of her pink sweater. Her rapid breathing was drawing Hoseok attention who appeared to sit just beside her, he leaned over whispering softly “Are you okay Seul? You don’t look good” his voice was as soft as his sunny smile. It managed to calm her down a little.

She nodded, squishing her eyes tight for a moment before opened it again only to be welcomed by Hoseok’s round eyes “I can manage this, thank you Hoseok” she flashed a weak smile. He returned to his seat with a small smile and gave his attention on Jungkook and Namjoon.

“What I know it was not a mistake. Those kisses are real. I…like Seul” Jungkook’s confession earned different reaction from the floor. Some were scoffing away, some were too dumbfounded to even react, and some were stayed frozen in their seat shooting Jungkook a judgemental look. That was not definitely in their dictionary. What changed Jungkook to be this confident and super determined of his own feelings?

Jungkook’s eyes met Seul confused one, making Jimin rolled his eyes in his seat. Salty Park Jimin about to open his mouth to say something, but his fellow 95 liner friend already jumped in “Do you see her as a woman, Jungkook? Someone that you wish to own” upon hearing Taehyung’s last word, Seul blushed madly. The thought of being owned by someone never occurred to her some more, the person is a member from famous idols of the century. Crazy as it sound Seul couldn’t stop her heart from making weird noise inside.

They only needed one nod from Jungkook to confirm everything, so they could make sense out from this situation. Jungkook had never been so open to them when it came to his own feelings. To witness the younger guy being bluntly honest about his inner feeling gave some sense of relief to the hyungs. Over the years Jungkook was known to be very introvert and he did not talk to strangers unless he felt comfortable with them. Jungkook had few friends in the industry like GOT7’s Yugyeom and Seventeen’s Mingyu yet it did not stop him to get out from his comfort zone. Part of them were grateful of his feeling for Seul, it was a good start for Jungkook to be more open to other options in life. However, it also worrisome considering it involved commitment and serious relationship.

Each of the members had a mixed feeling about this Jungkook liking Seul thing. To break it down, Namjoon main concerned was whether this relationship Jungkook plan to have with Seul is healthy. After his failed relationship with Hyemi, he did not want others to experience the pain of losing someone whom he thought important in life only to be left hanging without words. Not to mention as a leader and a brother of Jungkook, he did not want Jungkook to get hurt. Relationship involved commitment, was Jungkook ready to carry the burden on his shoulder?

Kim Seokjin. He was neutral. People couldn’t read through him as he always appears optimistic and positive to everyone. Internally he’s suffering from the confession. He did show his interest on Seul because their friendship started off pretty normal that involved no fight. Nowadays, Seokjin enjoyed Seul’s presence around him apart from his 92-line squad and his game squad, Jin had Seul to listen the worries that he had whenever he couldn’t talk it out with his members or other friends. Seul is a good listener. As he learnt that one of the members revealed his feeling openly to Seul, was this a sign to back off before things got complicated later on?

When it came to Hoseok, this was his second-time meeting Seul so he did not have any issues with her. He knew Seul was a nice girl and worth to be loved by many. She deserved all the love from the world. If there’s one thing that bothered Hoseok would be her genuine intention in befriending them. Not that Hoseok wanted to question her integrity, but the world is a scary place. They could not just bluntly trust people that they barely knew especially Seul. Even though she’s a daughter of Mrs Hwang their original caretaker whom treated them like their own son these past few years, they shouldn’t depend on that one factor only. It was a matter of fact that people could be toxic without they realized, just like Son Hyemi.

Sitting with his mouth sealed tight on the armrest was Taehyung. His expression did not give away any worries or emotions pertaining to this issue, but he still found it a little over the top for his sane mind to comprehend. Without doubt, he was attracted of Seul at first place became the reason why he snapped her picture and kept it on his night stand. That small crush that he had for Seul was still unclear, it needed to be shaped. Considering things had changed now, would it be better for him to eradicate this small crush he had for Seul before it became contagious to his heart? He did not want any heartbreak in the future wasn’t he.

Jimin on the other hand looked distressed in his seat. His protective instinct for Jungkook earlier on was soon replaced by annoyance. Annoyance of his own discomfort to the idea of there was another guy liking Seul and it happened to be Jungkook. The only difference between them, Jungkook had guts to sort his feeling out when he didn’t. That Jimin saw Seul more than just a friend was evident. But he refused to conform to the reality of life. It was a reticent, very private feeling which he had no intention to reveal just yet.

Yoongi was complicating things around him and his true feelings that he had for Seul. Everyone could literally see how possessive he was over Seul, yet he denied that fact at all cost. The fact that he used revenge to steal kisses from Seul, Yoongi was actually trying to confirm his own feeling. At first, he assumed it was a mere admiration towards Seul’s sassiness however it turned into something deeper not long after. He was dragging himself down into the deepest pit of the dark hole in his heart. Wanting to escape, yet he failed. As a result, Yoongi came out pretty hard and aggressive on Seul even though he wasn’t intended to hurt her. It came out neutral because he was not ready to embrace the truth. The truth might hit him a little hard on his face, so Yoongi was afraid to take the risk. With this Jungkook thing, Yoongi realized he must do something about this before too late.

“So, answer him, do you see Seul as a woman or is it a mere admiration?” Jin broke the long silence desperate to hear the answer though he’s not really keen of listening to it.

Nodding with a soft sigh “I see her as a woman and I like her because she is Seul” that was enough to melt Seul’s heart again as blush crept up warming her cheeks. Why was she being weak again? Now since they had settled with Jungkook, seven pair of eyes landed on her. She was in deep shit.

“Seul, do you know Jungkook is Jungkook?” the leader raised his eyebrow in question.

“No, I don’t. He was wearing mask 24/7 how do you expect me to notice that is him?” her voice broke a little due to the intensity that she felt inside her.

Jimin found the chance to butt in with a sarcastic remark “Funny thing is, you are a fan. How can you not know Jungkook even from his eyes?” he glowered.

Seul looked so piss as she glared at Jimin “Funny thing, I am not Jungkook’s fan. Neither of you are my favourite. How do you expect me to remember your eyes when I messed up your faces and names” the corner of Yoongi’s lips were tugged into a smirk. Ji Seul makes a comeback, as expected. He complimented in his head admiring her sassiness.

Pursing his lips sulkily, Jimin shook his head giving up on his argument with Seul already. She was impossible to beat especially when it involved to defending herself. Seul always know what to say.

Namjoon continued “Alright. You have no idea it is Jungkook, so you befriend him. Both of you become friend and Jungkook apparently reveal his feelings for you. How about your feelings? Do you like Jungkook that way?” upon hearing that question, Seul turned pale.

Taehyung scrutinized her expression with so much interest trying to read through her but to no avail. Would it be possible that she did not see Jungkook more than a friend? A spark of hope lightens his heart a little. Taehyung was up for any possibility.

“I repeat, do you like Jungkook more than just a friend?” Namjoon pressed. He was acting like a father-in-law making other cringe in their seat. Yoongi small eyes were watching Seul every little move, causing her to shift uncomfortably under his hard gaze. This did not work at all. She did not have the answers with her. Everything happened too fast.

Seul heaved a heavy sigh “I don’t know. I am not sure. My feelings for Jungkook are still ambiguous, I can’t exactly tell whether it is more than just a friend. It is still too early to decide it, I am sorry Jungkook” she threw an apologetic look at Jungkook.

He felt a heavy tug on his heart, but he managed to pull a soft smile on his face “Don’t be sorry Seul. I told you I don’t want to push you, we can still work on this” Seul bit her lower lips, lowering her gaze shyly. Jungkook would not give up on his feeling for Seul that easily. It took a lot of courage to embrace this new side of him, to give up on it just like that would be a waste.

“Someone got friend zoned” Hoseok joked to light up the mood.

“I AM NOT-“ “SHE ISNT-“ they were surprised to see Jungkook and Seul perfect timing. Seul’s cheeks turned into fifty shades of red realizing she was indirectly admitting to the fact that she was interested in Jungkook as well though she needed time to figure it out.

“You are reconsidering Jungkook’s feelings?” Taehyung’s eyes glimmered in curiosity.

Jungkook rubbed his neck, holding back his bunny smile “Yes I am. I need time. I am not used to this” Seul mumbled timidly. Jimin was hurt by her answers, now it was obvious Seul might end up liking Jungkook for real is he didn’t do anything about it.  What should he do again to fix this mess that he created?

“But, that doesn’t mean you have confirmed your true feelings for Jungkook right?” Yoongi’s hoarse voice baffled everyone. The older guy had chosen to keep his mouth shut all the time, hence to hear something coming from him was intimidating. Because after all, though Yoongi did not say it aloud about his feeling for Seul, all of them knew that guy had a thing for her. Jungkook realized it too. He had been stealing glance at Yoongi during their conversation, and his attention was on Seul most of the time.

Jungkook was not alone in this complicated battle. With Yoongi came into the picture, Jungkook was mentally ready to fight healthily.

“We can say that” not letting Yoongi’s stare penetrated her heart, Seul avoided his gaze at all cost.

Smiling with full of gratification, Yoongi arose from his seat “Then this conversation is over. That is all I need to hear” he gave one final look at Seul sending chill down her spine. She watched his body disappeared behind the door to his room leaving only six members around her.

“I am leaving too” muttering lowly, Jimin left the scene without saying much as Hoseok decided to tail him. He sensed something was wrong with Jimin, so he excused himself to investigate further. Taehyung followed not long after “I will see you later Seul..” he smiled warmly making his way stealthily to his room.

Jin was contemplating whether to be honest about his discomfort, in the end he chose to just shut it and give it a long thought before expressing it out. “Seul just stay over tonight, it is late. We don’t want you to walk in the dark alone. I will prepare the room for you” Jin stood up leaving the scene giving Seul no chance to protest. She grunted softly under her breath refusing the idea of staying over there today. Bad start.

Confused, Namjoon ran his fingers in his lock accompanied by a soft hum “Jungkook can you give us space? I need to talk with Seul alone” he turned to the younger guy that immediately nod with a small sigh.

Seul looked up with a small smile “Thank you Jungkook. Go rest” her sincerity made Jungkook fall head over heels for her again. A simple attention from Seul managed to crush another wall inside him, he craved for it.

“You too, see you in the morning. I hope. Good night Seul” his steps were heavy, even though this issue was settled due to the long talk, it still makes him nervous. After making sure Jungkook was nowhere to be seen around them, Namjoon shifted his attention back on the drained girl in front of him. His heart softened as his eyes landed on Seul’s distressed face.  

“Seul-ah I won’t stop you or Jungkook. It is up to both of you to decide. Remember, if you hurt Jungkook you will have to face me. Do not give him a false hope even though it is okay for both of you to consider the options in front of you. I don’t want to see Jungkook broken-hearted”

“And, I have to warn you before things get out of hand. It is not just Jungkook’s feelings matter in this but others too. I can see another person in the room who actually like you just as much” Seul blinked with an unreadable expression.

“What do you mean by that” she retorted in disbelief. Did Namjoon just imply there were other BTS members liking her other than Jungkook? How was this even real? Seul felt so unreal at the moment. The impossibility only happened in dramas or movies. Since this occurred to her, she had no idea how to react to it.

Namjoon pressed his lips into thin line “You will find out soon. I am not the one who should tell you that. Just, make sure to not hurt anyone or yourself Seul-ah. Love is a scary thing. It is complicated. You can’t stop your feelings from loving someone, so give it a chance. Give the person a chance. Then you decide” he hinted.

“I am sorry Namjoon for causing this mess. I hope you are not being too hard on Jimin, he is right to doubt me. You guys barely knew me, so I understood Jimin. Even though part of me wanted to hit him hard for calling me a bitch. How dare he called me that” she grinded her teeth showing of her resentment over Jimin’s choice of word.

Chuckling softly, Namjoon nodded with an amused face “Don’t worry about Jimin. We fought a lot, then we made up the next day. This was nothing. Forgive Jimin and his foul mouth, he could be a little too vulgar when he got angry”

“He is protecting Jungkook that is normal. Your bonds are too strong even I couldn’t break that. I am glad Jimin decided to cuss at me instead of letting it slip off from his mind. That shows how much he cared for his members” she threw the compliments earnestly. It was true, it offended her, but she tried to see the bigger picture of it.

Namjoon had a proud smile on his face to hear someone admiring their brotherhood. It made him realized their bonds were no joke and he mentally agreed to Seul’s words. The tense in the room was diminishing and Seul finally able to breathe normally. Jin approached the two “The room is ready Seul, you should rest. I have prepared clean sweat and shirt on the bed for you to change. Don’t worry it is new, wear it” he beamed.

“Can i… not stay? This is uncomfortable” she murmured.

“What nonsense is that. No way, it is 4 in the morning. Just stay, we won’t let you go home at this time” Namjoon voice was stern and dominating. No wonder he’s the leader.

Seul eyes quivered uncomfortably, showing off her concern about the idea of a girl staying in an idol house “I don’t want to get caught by your manager, that would be bad. They have no idea about me replacing my mother” she tried to make up excuses to escape this place.

“We will be leaving around 10 for practice so, hyung won’t be here until the schedule. Don’t worry, leave before that” Jin showed no sign of giving up too, cornering the latter in process. “Just stay Seul, you don’t want to wear yourself out at work later. Go get some rest, the room is down the hall, just across Jimin and Hoseok” he gave a light pat on her head.

Seul finally gave in and nodded “Fine, I will stay just because I feel bad for what happened today. Thank you Jin. Good night both of you” she bid them a good night and made her way cautiously to the guest room.

Ji Seul, what will change after today. Seul made a mental note on it and decided to call it a day. She deserved a long rest after the therapy talk with Namjoon.

 --------------

Tossing her body under the duvet, Seul found it was hard to fall asleep. It must be due to the new surroundings, with that she sat up groggily leaving the queen size bed for a moment to get warm drinks for herself. The hallway was quiet and dead, and she was sure the boys were already asleep at this time.

Seul glanced at the clock on the wall and muttered “It is just 5, ugh” she hugged her body, dragging her lazy feet to the kitchen. She made herself a hot cocoa in hope after this she could shut her eyes for two hours before sun rose again.

As she was about to leave with a cup of cocoa in her hand, she saw light flooding out from the open door of one of the rooms. She walked silently towards the source of light making sure her feet on the ground did not produce any unwanted sound.  The room was a private lounge room for the boys to chill when they have times, it was decorated with music equipment at the corner, book shelves and a small purple billiard table. Across the book shelves there was a L-shape sofa to complete the room.

Seul peeked her head a little searching for familiar faces inside but only to be welcomed by an empty room. Straighten herself back to her original trance, she reached out for the switch light to turn it off. To her sheer surprise, a pair of hand wrapped securely around her wrist preventing her from moving. Startled, Seul’s eyes searched from the owner of the hand who stood few steps from her.

“Jimin…” she exhaled.

Jimin’s eyes looked sleepily and there were few strands of hair stuck out making him to appear super cute. To top that, he was wearing a cute blue pyjama with stars and moon design printed on it. Seul mentally judging Jimin’s appearance as well as trying to get a hold of herself from fangirling over this look.

“Can’t sleep?” he signalled the drinks in her hand with a flat smile.

“Yes.. do you want some I can make you one?” she offered.

Declining it politely, Jimin brought Seul’s hand down and looked at her way a little too intense. Her breath hitched in process like it was about to pop off any second by now “We can share” he suggested.

“Urm..Sure…” Jimin tugged her  hand softly, bringing her inside the room to the sofa. Both of them sat down awkwardly side by side, and it made her felt uneasy. Jimin held back his tongue finding a perfect word to start this conversation. He couldn’t sleep because the guilt was slowly eating him up. He had a hard time to get Seul out of his mind.

Licking his lower lips, Jimin fisted his pyjama stealing glance at Seul’s side profile that never ceased to amaze him. A soft smile crept on his face, but as soon as their eyes locked, it rendered him speechless. Words that came out from Seul’s mouth only went pass through him, his attention was on her soft lips. The stain of hot cocoa at the corner of her lips made his mind went wild for a moment. He had to urge to kiss her but quickly shrug the thought off from his mind.

“Jimin..I said, do you want to take a sip?” her brows quirked in confusion.

Jimin removed the mug from her hand and took a long sip of the hot drinks without looking at her. It was not his intention to have a weird thought on Seul, yet he couldn’t help but to think that way. His hand was shaking a little, and his grip on the mug was about to slip off but Seul fast reflex avoided any accident happen.

She sat the mug down on the coffee table, sending a worried glance at Jimin “Jimin are you alright?” she whispered. Seul touched his forehead with the back of her hand, flustering Jimin even more “I..am alright… Just cold…” he coughed away the lump on his throat.

“Do you want me to turn on the heater?” Seul was about to get up until she felt him holding her down not allowing her to move even an inch. She blushed at the closeness of their face and body. Watching her this up close caused uproar in his heart, his eyes travelled from her eyes to her cute nose down to her lips again.

Jimin ran his hand to her jaw, giving a soft trace around the skin that tingled her heart. She held back her own heavy breathing, letting her eyes roamed freely on Jimin’s face. He stroked his thumb over her lips, stroking it effortlessly slow caused the latter to mewl a little under his magic touch.

Seul was aware, she’s supposed to be upset of Jimin. They hadn’t talk about what happened at the café, and it was so wrong to be this close to each other. Where was the tense between them again? How could it diminish that easily?

Her eyes fluttered open upon feeling Jimin strong gaze on her, and she was indeed right. Jimin eyes sparked under the light, looking dashing as always even without his makeup. He would always appear beautiful in front of her. Resting his forehead against Seul, he murmured awfully low “Seul-ah..I am sorry..for everything” it surprised her once again. Wow, Jimin is full of surprise.

“I didn’t mean to yell at you or call you with those horrible names. I was protecting Jungkook and..myself I guess..It was hard to admit to my own feeling Seul-ah” he continued.

Protecting himself? Seul flinched.

Seul smiled meekly as her fingers unconsciously tangled with his free hand on his lap, fiddling around casually “I understand. And I want to apologize too. It is my fault that this happen. You have the right to question me, because I am a stranger. Just don’t call me bitch, I really hated it” her lower lips puckered out a little showing her protest.

Jimin’s soft chuckle ease the tension that she felt earlier with him “I need to control my anger next time. I am sorry that I vent it out on you. In fact, I have something to tell you Seul” Seul face fell with anticipation.

What else would she hear today?

“Seul-ah” he called out softly, sitting up straight.

For the umpteenth time today, Seul’s face started to lose its colour again.

Interlacing their hand together, Jimin took a deep breath before breaking the eerie silence again “Since it come to this, I will play it fair beside Jungkook” he professed.

“What do you mean by that” she looked at him clueless.

“I see you as a woman...”

“……..”

“I like you a lot Seul. More than you imagine. This feeling is torturing me” Seul lips quivered letting the emotions overflowed her. Then it hit him hard, so this was the thing that Namjoon hinted her earlier. Jimin was another someone in BTS who had similar feelings as Jungkook.

Seul squeaked “Jimin..I…don’t know, it is just-“ he hushed her, shaking his head slowly.

“Don’t… I want to play it fair as I mention. You don’t get to decide now. We will give this thing a time. I don’t mind, as long as you allow me to show my genuine feelings for you. Will you?”

“Jimin..I might not be worth fighting for” she looked down on their intertwined hands, giving him a soft squish.

He sighed “Yes you are. I deny my feelings enough Seul and I am not doing that again. It only hurts you and I. That is not worth it,  I am embracing my feelings that I have for you. Let me fight along with Jungkook” Seul heaved a tired sigh.

“I don’t want you to get hurt. I don’t want Jungkook to get hurt. What if, this only bring pain rather than happiness?” she expressed her worries. Even though, it was indeed true you couldn’t stop yourself from falling in love, but this issue was more than just that. It involved a lot of thing.

“We will manage that. I talked this out with Jungkook”

Her eyes rounded in sheer surprise “You did? When?” she inquired.

“Urm… as soon as the talk with Namjoon hyung ended. Jungkook is more than just a friend, he is my family. We talked about this. Seul, it is not like we plan to fall in love with the same person. It is coincidence. We will be able to manage this without hatred” Jimin convinced.

Seul needed a moment to decipher this whole thing. The idea of being in the middle of Jimin and Jungkook was so bad making her unsure of herself. If this only involved these two guys then it would be fine to her, but what if someone else resurfaced and professed the same thing, like Yoongi. She shrugged off the thought of the possibility being fight over again by another member.

“Jimin..I am not sure, I am scared of the future”

“Then lets live the present, that is important. Do not think about the future”

“At the end of the day, I will still have to choose” she protested.

“And when that day come, we will ready our heart Seul-ah. It is long way to go, do not let the future hold us back” he whispered, caressing her cheeks lovingly.

It never dawns on her to experience this kind of thing this year, what a mess. Did her decision to replace her mother as BTS Caretaker only to cause chaos rather than promoting peace?

Seul sighed, resting her head against his shoulder seeking for comfort and warmth. This thing was draining her energy, she felt numb. Jimin wrapped his arm automatically around her shoulder, bringing her close to his chest “I am sorry if this is too much for you to handle Seul” he rubbed his arm, planting soft kiss on top of her head.

Curling up in his embrace, Seul buried her face at the crook of his neck, inhaling his sweet manly scent “I am sorry that I can’t give both of you the answer that you want” she mumbled against his skin.

“Why are you sorry? We don’t need the answers now, we only need your presence around us. That is enough” he soothed his lock, smiling ear to ear at their close proximity. He had been dreaming doing this thing with Seul, having her in her arms and cuddling on the sofa. It felt unreal.

“Thank you Seul..”

“And what is that for?”

“For existing and allowing me to experience this”

Seul smiled to herself “That line is so cliché Jim. And, thank you for having that kind of feeling for me. ” he beamed. Jimin locked his arms around her tighter, nuzzling her hair in process. Whatever it takes, Jimin would never deny his true feelings anymore. He’s willing to see how far this could go. Only that he was not able to see what the future beholds, it never stops him.

Her lids started to grow heavy, and she found herself enjoying Jimin’s warmth around her. Was this a start of everything? She did question herself what change after today. Guess, Seul had to live with the fact that in one day she received two confessions from an unexpected male.

Her life was about to get interesting.

 -----------------

When Jimin woke up it was eight in the morning, they had cuddled on the couch and fallen asleep. Jimin smiled to himself admiring Seul’s sleeping face, he felt a warmth that he never experiences before. Seul looked exhausted and calm in his embrace. His moist lips landed on top of her head to get her to wake up.

Few minutes later, she roused herself and with her eyes perfectly shut, he could see her sweet smile on her face “Did we fell asleep here?” she stretched a little, burying her face shyly in his chest.

Jimin chuckled, stroking her back gently “Yes, but we did get a good sleep anyway” Seul nodded and sat up followed by Jimin afterwards. As soon as her eyes landed on Jimin’s morning hair, she giggled and leaned closer. Raking her fingers in his soft lock, she stroked it gently, fixing it a little while Jimin was too busy staring at her.

“There you are set to go” she exclaimed. Her chirpy voice lightens up his world, what a good way to start a new day. “Oh shoot, it is late I need to clean the house and prepare you guys breakfast. I hope Jin is not awake yet” she combed her hair getting ready to leave.

“You go out first I will come out later. You don’t want to be bombarded by questions this early” he pinched her nose. Scrunching her nose cutely, she gave in with the idea. Seul arose from her feet and as she was about to leave, she skipped quickly to his side.

Dazed Jimin gave her a questionable look, she closed the gap between them, planting a soft kiss on his cheek. He turned giddy over it and she heard her whisper “You said to give both of you a chance. So, I am giving both of you a chance. Good morning Jimin” with those last word, she skidded outside the room with a bright pink face.

Jimin buried himself once again under the soft blanket, letting himself fanboying over this small tingly feeling that he had this early. He would never regret his decision. Just like he said, he would only live the present for now. The future was still far ahead, anything could happen until then. If he worries the future now, it would be no fun in dealing with his every day’s life.

 ------------------

Jin blinked at the figure who just walked pass him and he called her out before she could disappear further “Seul, you are awake?” she jolted and turned to face Jin nervously.

“Are you awake already? I am so sorry, I overslept Jin. Let me prepare the breakfast!” she walked over to Jin with guilt.

“Hey don’t worry Seul. It is my duty. Today, I want you to eat my cooking. May I know why are you coming out from that way?” he blinked, taking a good look at Seul’s flushed face.

Seul rubbed her arms, trying to find perfect answers which did not sound suspicious “I couldn’t sleep yesterday. I stayed in the lounge until I fell asleep” Jin lips was formed into an ‘o’ shape with a bright smile.

“Good morning hyu-“Jimin cleared his throat realizing the older guy had woken up and was interrogating Seul. She cursed in her head in frustration when she heard Jimin’s voice boomed across the hall. That called for another trouble.

Jin eyed the two suspiciously “And why are you not in your room, may I ask?” he probed with a hint of jealousy.

“I…fall asleep in Jungkook’s room.. We got carried away and we really had a long talk” he lied. Jimin and Seul exchanged nervous glance as both of them felt their brain momentarily froze due to Jin’s sudden appearance this morning.

“Really? Hurm.. Okay then.. go wash up and wake up others” a sigh of relief escaped from their lips. Jin bought it and that was good enough. Fleeing from the scene, Jimin quickly entered his room before he could ask him more question.

Jin travelled his eyes to Seul “You too go wash up. I will prepare breakfast for us alright?” he hushed her out from his territory causing the girl to pout in protest. She complied to Jin’s request anyways because after all, he almost caught her red handed a few second ago. How awful would it be if Jin found out Jimin and her fell asleep on the couch together?

Everyone was in the dining room an hour later, and for some reason the thick atmosphere was no longer there. Instead, the breakfast turned out to be lively and filled with laughter from every corner. The boys made Seul felt comfortable and she was grateful none of them brought up the sensitive topic anymore. So, they had decided to follow the flow and not to pressure themselves over petty things. Since Jimin and Jungkook had decided to play it nicely, there was nothing to be worried off.

Hoseok on the other hand had the time of his life, goofing around with Seul which she enjoyed every second the guy cracked his silly jokes. In fact, Kim Taehyung also showed his silly side making everyone cringe at his randomness. Everyone had opened up to each other and to have Seul in the picture gave more colours to their already meaningful life. After breakfast, Seul cleaned up the place like she usually does but only this time the boys offered their hands to help.

No matter how much she insisted of doing it alone, they were all stubborn. They only allowed her to do the laundry and cleaned the living room and their private lounge. Namjoon ordered his members to clean their own room which they complied without any complain. Even for the lazy bum Jungkook, surprisingly he was the first one to finish off the cleaning. Therefore, he went to Seul helping her with the laundry.

She had given up to nag or show her protest, so she let the boy to help. In exchanged of that, Seul had a good chat with Jungkook. It felt better to have conversation with Jungkook without his mask on. This felt too real to be truth, but this guy was down to earth. Every Bangtan members was not as snobby as she thought they appeared to be. They were not just effortlessly beautiful, but they were kind and relatable.

Relatable, that was the perfect way to describe them.

After good one-hour spring cleaning with Bangtan, they were ready to leave for their practice. Seul too was getting ready to leave for work, she bowed showing off her gratitude for letting her stay over a day “Thank you for letting me stay” she smiled.

“Need I to remind you this is your workplace too. Don’t be formal. We are glad to have you around” Jin ruffled her hair only to receive a low protest from Seul. She shot him a glare for messing up her hair. Jin raised his hand in defeat and shrugged.

“It is fun to clean the dorm with you Seul. Will we be able to meet you again next time?” Taehyung had a big fat smile across his face causing to squeal over his cuteness. “Of course, there will always be next time” she jabbed his arm playfully.

“Leave before your manager come up hunting you down. Have a good day ahead everyone” she waved as she watched one by one of them leaving. Jungkook gave her a brief hug with a wink, causing her to blush instantly.

She deadpanned mentally, trying to get used to his affection towards him.

Yoongi was fall behind and the sight in front of him, annoyed him to the core. He shoved his hand in his pocket pulling out a small paper resembled the sticky note. Scrutinizing his straight face, Seul looked down on her hand when he slipped the note on her palm.

“What is this?”

“Tomorrow, 4PM. Bungee jumping. It is a date” he dashed off without saying more. Seul gawked not believing what she just heard few seconds ago. Did Yoongi just ask her out for a date? It came to her realization; the small note was an admission ticket to the bungee jumping thing.

Does it mean, it isn’t just Jimin. Yoongi too? She grunted under her sharp breath. Seul was making sense out of this again. How was it possible to have three guys chasing after her fragile heart?

   This work belongs to  Chimswae © 2020. All Rights Reserved

[catxtopia]

Lips Of a Stranger} Chp. 10

Author: catxtopia

Ship: Billdip ((fluffy))

Characters: Dipper Pines, Mabel Pines, Bill Cipher, Gideon Gleeful

Summary: The Night Vale AU no one asked for.

Author notes: I am back on my bullshit, lets finish this.

chap.1 | chap.2 | chap.3 | chap. 4 |  chap. 5&6 | chap. 7 |  chap. 8 | chap. 9

Read: ao3

((HOHO Betcha thought you saw the last of me.

Four years late but hey I fricken finished this shit! I sat down literally yesterday after a kind person commented that they still wait for updates on this story (srsly so sorry and you're so sweet holly heck, never say comments don't totally motivate a writer) and finished this. I already had this chapter written many years ago but I didn't wanna post it until I finished the rest (so sorry for my dumb past self). So this one sounds pretty much the same as the rest of the story, however cannot confirm for the rest of the work.

I haven't written in ages, I don't particularly like writing anymore if I am being honest. I am not great at it but I have a lot of ideas lmao. So I just wanna preface that the ending... probably not great lol. I will have a full report on the last chapter, however, on my old ideas for this story and what I thought it could be. There is probably a lot of plot holes and unanswered things but I tried^^;;;

Anyways, I'll upload either every day or every other day depending. But this shall finally be finished lads! (also no beta, we're animals here)))

“You found it!?”

Lying still, yet menacingly, on the kitchen table was a maroon journal with a black number 1 inked firmly in the center. It was larger than an average book and much worse for wear, the red leather was ripped and mystery blotches were smudged in several different locations on the cover. Mabel and Dipper stood around the object that had been of desire for so long. Neither made a move to touch it, treating it like an old relic—which it very well could have been as far as Dipper knew.

“Yeah, it was in this wired compartment in a tree outside.” Dipper scratched lightly at his chin, eyes roaming over the book. His fingers itched with curiosity for he had yet to open and examine the contents inside. He wasn’t sure if he should, waiting for Cipher seemed like the logical option but that required calling the man, followed by seeing him again, and the thought of meeting gold eyes sent his stomach through all kinds of loops. Thus, his phone stayed promptly in his pocket where it felt like it weighed a thousand pounds.

“Compartment in a tree, huh?” Mabel repeated, a confused look crossing her face. She, too, moved her hand to rub lightly at her chin in thought. “How’d you come across that?”

Dipper stiffened ever so slightly, and then casted a glance at his intrigued sister. He cleared his throat and shifted to stuff his hands in his pockets roughly. “I just, ya know, fell against it.” He shrugged, trying his best to remain cool—which was, to say, impossible when it came to Dipper Pines.

“Fell against it, hm?” Mabel’s eyebrow slowly started rising.

“Yes, I fell against it!” Dipper sputtered, looking away towards the book again. “The details of how I found the book aren’t important. What is important is that I found it !”

Mabel stifled her giggles as much as her lips would allow. “Whatever you say, Bro bro.” She mused and leaned over the dusty object, intentionally ignoring the tomato that was now her brother beside her. He’d been through enough teasing this morning, she’d let him off the hook this once. “What do you thinks inside?”

Dipper leaned back against the kitchen counter, crossing his arms over his chest. “No idea.” He quietly thought back to the times he and Cipher were looking for said book. A distant memory of going to the junkyard and the words black magic and demons , danced in the back of his mind but he elected to ignore those warnings. If the book really was dangerous, there was no way Cipher would be looking for it. At least that’s what Dipper told himself.

“Are you going to open it?” Mabel quirked a brow, eyes not leaving the book.

Dipper shifted against the counter. “I don’t know, Mabes. Maybe we should wait for Cipher to open it first.”

Mabel pursed her lips and squinted at the book.

There was a long pause, the only sound being whispers from the TV playing in the other room. Then Mabel, with a big intake of breath, announced loudly: “I am gonna open it.” And quickly flipped the front cover open.

“Mabel!” Dipper yelped, but his words fell on deaf ears as the young girl turned another page, and then another. “Mabes, seriously, be careful with it! We don’t know what it is, it could be super old and crumble at human touch! Who knows what—”

As Dipper rambled on and on, Mabel’s quick movements tentatively began to slow. She flipped only one more page before stopping and taking in a soft gasp, voice riddled with distraught. “Oh my gosh.” She whispered breathlessly. Dipper paused in his ranting, staring at the back of his sister's head since he couldn’t see the book around her. “I can’t believe this.”

“What?” He inquired, a drop of unease plopping into the pits of his stomach. Mabel’s shoulders were tense; body rigged with what Dipper could only assume was fear. She looked as though she was witnessing a demon rise out from the pits of hell, or at the very least like her sweaters were being set aflame. And throughout it all, all Dipper could hear were McGucket’s warnings ringing loud and clear inside his jumbled head. “That books bad news I tell ya! Black magic, raising devils, kinda bad news! Nothin good ever came out of that thing.” Dipper cringed at the voice. “What is it?”

“It’s terrible…” Mabel whispered, leaning further over the book. Her hair draped over the yellowing pages, eyes hidden behind thick bangs. “Cipher, he’s…”

“What? What about Cipher?” Dipper stepped closer. He could feel his heart thump a little faster with each step he took towards his sister.

“He’s a…” The girl moved back, turning swiftly to face her brother. Her face was red and cheeks puffed out, eyes leaking frustrated tears and— “ He’s a giant nerd just like you!” She exclaimed dramatically, throwing one hand towards the opened journal and another over her stomach as she doubled over laughing.

Dipper stared, dumbfounded as his sister flopped onto the tabled to keep from falling onto the floor. She was wheezing and stomped a foot every so often, trying to regain her breathing. He couldn’t believe this. “Mabel.” Dipper squinted hard at the girl. The only answer he got was more laughing and a few arm flails. “Mabel, you jerk.” Dipper sighed, but a small smile was tugging at his lips.  

“Oh! Oh!” Mabel giggled, laughter beginning to die out into soft gasps. “Oh my gosh, yo- your face!”

“Yeah, yeah.” Dipper rolled his eyes. “You got me.” Behind his ribs, his heart was still pounding with adrenaline. He willed his limbs to stop their jittery shakes and calm the hell down. There was nothing to worry about, Mabel was just being her usual dork self. He looked towards the open book finally, now being able to get a good view of it. “So what’s in this thing, anyways?”

Having calmed down a bit, Mabel slipped across the kitchen in her fluffy pink socks, clamped onto the fridge handle and yanked it open to retrieve a can of Pit Cola. She juggled it in her hands, closing the door again with her hip. As she snapped the can open she explained lightly, “Looks like a dictionary for supernatural stuff to me. Really wired, it’s all hand written and stuff.” She paused and took a big gulp of her drink.

Dipper nodded and examined the scribbles and notes about different creatures. His eyes widened the further he flipped from page to page, completely entranced with the object sitting before him. It was no wonder Cipher wanted this thing, the stories he could produce with the book would be endless!

“This is amazing.” Dipper breathed. Gnomes, Zombies, Ghosts, this book was like a paranormal junkies Holy Grail.  

Mabel hummed and jumped up onto the counter. “It makes sense why Cipher would want this. I am sure he will be happy you found it.” She mused, swinging her legs back and forth to the rhythm of a song stuck in her head. “Now you guys don’t have to go searching anymore! That’ll probably be a big nuisance off his shoulders.”

Dipper hummed absentmindedly as he drew his finger along the edge of the book, a thin layer of dust bunched up and latched onto his finger. He pulled his hand back, pinching the ball of dirt between his thumb and index finger till the grains rolled off his skin. He wondered briefly how long the book had been in that tree for, and for what reason.

“No more long hours trekking through stores and the occasional dumpster. I wonder if this old thing will help him with his work, or if that’s even what he wanted it for.” Mabel muttered against the rim of her soda can.

Dipper’s fingers instantly stilled, entire body freezing like someone had pushed a pause button on the boy’s life. No more long hours trekking through stores and the occasional dumpster . The words bounced around in his head several times and every repeat left a horrible taste in his mouth. He gulped and dropped his hand, brushing it harshly against his faded jeans. “Yeah, don’t know.” He bit out.

A minute ago he’d been excited to see Cipher’s reaction to his discovery, because damn it he was proud! And maybe boasting a little in the ego department. Now dread was filling up his core. No more time with Cipher…

Mabel slurped at her drink loudly, oblivious to the way her brother scooped up the book with a hesitant hand. “So, when are you gonna tell him?” She looked up past her wavy bangs, confused to find Dipper retreating towards the stairs at a quick pace. “Dipper?”

.:.:.

Dipper paced along the length of his bedroom, feet scuffing against the hardwood floor. He could practically feel the wood splintering away with each step he took. It was only a matter of time before he’d run a rut in the floor. He could hardly bring himself to care; however, as he gnawed at his thumbnail in a simple attempt to help distract his brain.

This was stupid, Dipper was stupid. He could hardly believe he was even thinking about the train of thought that he was. Not telling Cipher about the book? What kind of nonsense was that? He had to; it was his moral duty to give up the journal to the radio host. Otherwise, everything they’d done together thus far would be for nothing. The whole reason Dipper was being kept around was for the sole purpose of finding the book.

And once you give the book up, you won’t have a reason to be around Cipher anymore , Dipper thought sullenly. He turned once he paced as far as he could towards the door, changing direction to continue shuffling back the route he came towards the triangle window above his bed. It was a vicious cycle, this back and forth, back and forth. All the while he kept his eyes glued on the ground. He paused when his irises caught sight of a neatly folded pile of clothes at the end of his bed. Black jacket, pants, yellow scarf… A flash of blonde hair and the feel of rough bark against his back blurred past his eyes.

There would probably be no more of that once he gave up the book. Dipper lightly drew a finger against his chapped lips. If he thought hard enough he could still feel the pressure Cipher’s smooth lips had left against his own.

“Oh man.” Dipper mumbled aloud. Here he was worrying over some scraps of paper sewn together, while he should be questioning the fluttering in his chest from earlier interactions.

Cipher had kissed him and he’d be lying if he didn’t say he thoroughly enjoyed it. Both Mabel and Pacifica will be delighted to rub it in his face once they find out.  

Dipper dropped onto his bed with a frustrated groan. Everything was happening all so suddenly, so fast he couldn’t make left or right of the images flashing before his eyes. And it was all because of that darn radio host with his perfect golden hair and otherworldly eyes. Not to mention his lean body that fit so right against Dipper’s the night before, warm like a blanket and oh so comfortable… Dipper shook his head quickly, expelling any further thoughts of Cipher’s body.

Really, Cipher was too handsome for his own good. It was practically supernatural.

Dipper snorted at the thought and fell back against the bed. He stared up at the ceiling, a soft sigh fluttering past his lips. What to do, what to do. He slid his hands up to rest on his chest and began tapping his fingers against his worn shirt.

“So you tell him.” Dipper muttered to himself. “You tell him about the book. It’ll make him happy, probably further his show somehow and bring in more listeners, which will make his work life better.” His fingers paused in their tapping, then slowly started picking up a rhythm again as he let another thought enter his mind. “Or you don’t tell him, you continue looking for the book as if you haven’t already found it and grow closer. Eventually he’ll forget about the book and move on, which will make his personal life better.”

“You don’t tell him and possibly ruin his career .” A voice that sounded eerily similar to Mabel’s rumbled in the back on his head. Ah, the voice of reason. It was bound to come poking its ugly face in here eventually.

“I don’t necessarily know if it’s for his show.” Dipper grumbled, sinking a little further against his bed. Great now he was talking to himself.

“What else would he need it so badly for?”

“I don’t know, curiosity? For a collection, maybe? His life revolves around the supernatural; it’s not that farfetched to want a journal filled on the subject.”

“So you’d rather keep the object of his desire away from him, in the hopes you become that object for him instead. That’s quite selfish.”

“Well no one asked you.” Dipper huffed and rolled onto his side. He stared aimlessly out the triangular window nearby. The sun had already begun to drip close to the tree line, casting an array of colors throughout his room. It was beautiful, really, all oranges and reds, and the occasional pink glow scattering across the shack's rustic interior. His eyes followed the colorful trail of light right back to the pile of clothes at the end of his bed. He stared at the yellow scarf for a long while before he worked up the strength to reach for it.

The fabric was so soft, softer than anything he’d felt before. It was probably really expensive. Dipper tugged the material fully into his palms and laid back down. He held onto the scarf like a blanket, running the pads of his fingers over the kind stitching. “Maybe he won’t leave once he has the book.” Dipper thought aloud once again. He was starting to make a habit out of talking to himself apparently.

It wasn’t like he wanted to keep information from Cipher, especially news that’d make him happy. The paranoia engraved deep in his soul that the man would eventually forget about him if they had no reason to be around each other was just too overpowering. Even though there was a good chance Cipher liked hanging around Dipper for Dipper and not just for his searching skills. It was a big chance, honestly. You don’t just kiss someone you plan on ditching. Cipher seemed like a better person than that, anyways.

But doubt was always louder than hope.

With a quick glance at the clock—which already read 5:10PM—Dipper decided he’d allow himself to sleep on it. It was already late so there was no use calling up Cipher now; he wouldn’t be able to come by until tomorrow anyways.

Settling on that, Dipper rolled over and closed his eyes. Super wouldn’t be ready for another hour or so and a nap sounded like a pleasant idea in the meantime.

.:.:.

Three days.

It’d been three days since Dipper found the old journal hidden in a tree. The journal, which a certain radio host had yet to know, was within Dipper’s possession. It had been shamefully tucked away in the brunet’s desk under a pile of scrap papers. It wasn’t the greatest hiding spot by any means, but Dipper didn’t feel comfortable leaving the relic under his bed or somewhere in his closet. At least in his desk, the book didn’t face any chances of getting ruined.

He stuck the poor book in the bottom drawer with the intention of returning to it in a week – because a night to sleep on deciding to give the book to Cipher just wasn’t enough. He simply wanted a little more time with the radio host to assure he wouldn’t ditch him. That was reason enough, right? In one week time, the book would be given to the blonde man. Until then, Dipper proclaimed he’d live with the guilt and enjoy some downtime with the host.

And what a glorious three days it had been so far. Cipher had been spending a large majority of the days hanging around Dipper’s work again. They’d continued their little routine, but the silence was filled with a lot more bashful glances and sly smiles. The kiss hadn’t been officially mentioned, but the implication that both of them equally enjoyed it and wouldn’t mind doing it again was pretty clearly expressed.

When Dipper wasn’t shackled to his job at the bookstore – and Cipher by extension – they usually ended up spending time around town or the radio station. Very rarely were they away from each other’s side. Not that either was complaining. However, every so often when Dipper would glance Cipher’s way, he’d feel a ball of guilt nibbling away at the core of his stomach. He couldn’t help thinking about the things he was hiding from the man. It didn’t feel right, but at the same time he couldn’t bring himself to do anything about it.

“Do you like your job?”

Cipher blinked open his eyes and tilted his head a little towards the brunet lying somberly beside him. They’d been lying outside on a patch of drying grass a short ways from the radio station, simply enjoying the last few drops of autumn. The sun was high above them, basking them in a nice enough warmth that they only needed light jackets. Cipher was currently wearing the sweatshirt he had borrowed from Dipper a few days prior, having yet to give it up. Not that Dipper really cared, he felt slightly prideful seeing the radio host wearing something of his.

Cipher shifted his arms, which lay beneath his head. “Yeah, I guess you could say that.” He looked back towards the calm blue sky. “It’s fun, I like being able to talk about whatever the hell I want for a living. I am not the biggest fan of having to hide behind a curtain all the time, but it comes with the job.”

Dipper hummed, mulling over that information. He flicked his fingers against the zipper on his jacket. “Why do you have to be so secretive? I doubt anyone would like… attack you or something if they knew who you were.”

Cipher chuckled and turned on his side, arm bent and hand holding up his head. Dipper moved in a similar fashion so that they both faced each other. “There are a few reasons. Gideon thinks having me be unnamed makes me more mysterious, that not only the show holds secrets but even the host does.” He shrugged. “Plus, I like being able to live my life without interruptions. I would get annoyed pretty quickly if people were stopping me on the streets or spewing nonsense about me in teen magazines.”

Dipper twirled his fingers around a few blades of grass, tugging them lazily as he listened. “And here I thought you liked attention.”

“Oh don’t get me wrong, I do! I would love people bending at my every need, but I have standards. I wouldn’t be able to sit here with you like this if I was open about my identity, and that’s not something I am quite willing to give up.”

“I guess that… makes sense.” Dipper pondered. “So you’re a man full of secrets then?”

“I am a man with many angles and lots of knowledge of various topics, who happens to also like having a private life, so if that makes me secretive then I guess I am. However, since I like you I’ll tell you my secrets,” Cipher leaned forward, lips curving into a seductive smirk. “for a price~”

Dipper’s cheeks flushed a soft pink, “Oh really? And what’s your price, Cipher?” He mused, putting up his best confident front.

“Hmmm,” Cipher’s eyes flickered from Dipper’s eyes to his lips then quickly back again. “I don’t know, it’d probably have to be something really pricey since I’ve got a lot of secrets.”

Dipper snorted and rolled his eyes, “What like my soul?” He joked and playfully wiggled his eyebrows.

If one were to have blinked in that moment they probably would have missed the way Cipher’s eyes widened and sparked with wonder for a fraction of a second. He continued to smirk at his companion before rolling onto his back to stare up at the sky once again. “Something like that.” He hummed pleasantly. “I am sure your soul would be a beauty.”

Dipper scoffed and flopped over onto his stomach, arms crossing beneath his chin. He closed his eyes and snuggled a little deeper in his jacket. “Don’t all souls look the same? Like a smoking white ball.”

“I think you’ve been playing too many video games.” Cipher flicked at the edge of Dipper’s ear, earning a small yelp and glare from the boy. “Souls come in all colors and shapes, kid. The more corrupted the soul, the worse it looks. What the world considers ‘sinners’ usually look black, less smoky, more goopy. Like a ball of hot, bubbling tar. While good people are bright, wispy, and usually emit a color.”

“You seem to know a lot about this.” Dipper mumbled into the curve of his arm.

Cipher chuckled under his breath. “Call it a passion of mine.”

The two fell into a comfortable silence after that, lying happily beside each other with only the whispers of wind and occasional tweet of a bird filling the silence. They lay close enough that their arms brushed and with a little maneuvering their hands slipped into each other without question.

It was nice, being able to be together like this without any distractions. To simply enjoy each other’s company. Dipper really didn’t want to let this go, and yet as he peeked past his bangs at the still figure beside him, he knew that he would.

“Hey, Cipher.” Dipper said just barely above a whisper. He watched the blonde’s eyebrow twitch but his eyes remained closed.

“Hm?”

“I gotta tell you something, it’s kind of important, it’s about the b—”

Just as the words were about to flutter out of his mouth, a shrill ring of a phone smacked Dipper’s train of thought straight from his head. His lips latched shut and eyes looked down at Cipher’s glowing pocket, which the man was quickly moving to reach.

He flicked the device on and squinted at the screen as if it had personally offended him. Whether that was because it had interrupted Dipper or not, the boy wasn’t sure.

“Sorry, just an email.” Cipher’s expression lightened considerably as he turned the screen to face Dipper. “Look at this cat jumping in and out of boxes! Giffy sent it. Cats are so silly!”

True to his word, there was a cat hopping into different sized boxes with a small message from Giffany at the bottom of the screen. Dipper smiled softly at the ridiculous video. Of course Cipher would find cat videos funny, what doesn’t he find funny? Dipper thought for a moment and came to the conclusion that, nope, Cipher could get a kick out of anything.

As he watched the video play through, Dipper couldn’t help his eyes wandering to the corner of the screen where a list of information sat. At the top of the list was a name, one that had Dipper’s heart stalling. “Uh.” The boy muttered very intelligently.

Cipher tilted his head to the side and furrowed his brows at Dipper’s odd expression. “What? Don’t tell me you don’t find cat videos funny. Cause I don’t think this relationship can work if—”

“Bill?”

[zerounitrgb]

Fic Author Tag Game

Thank you @moonwolfhowl for tagging me!

AO3 Name: ZeroUnitRGB

Fandoms: Boku no Hero Academia, Fullmetal Alchemist, Naruto (I only wrote 1 fic for it though), Digimon (all fics on ff.net), Lion King (also all fics on ff.net)

Note: I’m going to focus solely on the fics I have on Ao3 but I wanted to at least acknowledge the old fandoms I used to be so passionate for. They were rather dark times but times I spent my time on nonetheless. Also, all mentioned fics will be linked if you want to check them out!

Number of Fics: 55 on Ao3, 1 WIP that just needs editing before it get posted, 2 completed zine pieces that I won’t or have not posted

Tagging: @cloversdreams​ and any other fic writer that follows me and wants to do this

1) Fic you spent the most time on: It’s a Digimon fic that I spent several years on though it’s not complete. For a completed fic that I spent the most time on, it would have to be What Hides Inside. The most words (50k), the most chapters (12), and the most time it took to write (five months). For those unaware, it’s an exploration into falling in love at the wrong time and dealing with mental illness from Tokoyami’s perspective. I’m sure y’all can guess who the ship is.

2) Fic you spent the least time on: That would be Best Hugger in Class A for BNHA. I think it happened after a conversation in the Shoutoko Discord server about Shouji being a cuddly drunk and also how wonderful it would be to get a hug from all six of his arms. Or more. Basically, it was just a quick, short story about Shouji getting drunk and all of class A wanting him to hug them.

3) Longest fic: Again, that would be a Digimon fic that has literally hundreds of thousands of words. For Ao3 fics, I already mentioned it, it’s What Hides Inside. Honestly, I wrote it because I wanted another multi-chap Shoutoko story.

4) Shortest fic: That’s a tie between Best Hugger in Class A and Where Is It?  both at 1250 words exactly. I already talked about the first one, the second was just a quick story about Midoriya using One for All to casually search the dorm for something he lost.

5) Most hits: Midnight Sex Therapy which is currently at 25,350. That is over 19k more hits than the fic with the second most hits. You people love smut and this fic is all about it with six different ships. I’ve recently been thinking about a sequel but instead of clients from class A, it’s all pro heroes. 

6) Most kudos: Again, Midnight Sex Therapy which is currently at 1118 kudos, more than twice that of second place. 

7) Most comment threads: A tie between One Week in Kyushu and Midnight Sex Therapy! Both of them at 57 comment threads! OWiK was one of my fave fics and the one I credit for bringing me into Shoutoko stardom. I don’t feel like explaining what it’s about, just know it’s one of my earliest Shoutoko fics.

8) Fave fic you wrote: This used to be OWiK but that’s recently changed. I’ve reread it not too long ago and maybe it’s because I held it to an impossibly high standard but it doesn’t hold up to my memory. I still think it’s great. But my new pride is 30 Things I Didn’t Know. It’s romantic, it’s sweet, it’s got gay rights, and pervert Shouji was peak horny energy for me apparently. OWiK can be a really close second just because it does include my idea of Shouji’s “tragic backstory” that I want to be canon but 30 Things is special to me.

9) Fic you want to rewrite/expand on: This is a hard one. I don’t usually like to hit publish unless I think the work is perfect or complete in order to avoid repeats of the dark ages so most I’m pretty happy with. If there was a fic I’d like to fix up, then it might be Unplanned Love? It’s my first ship fic for Gang Orca and Selkie and it’s smutty but plotty. The thing is, I had originally intended there to be an epilogue in which the sexy hero calendar arrived and I wrote a more proper sex scene but it never came to fruition. Maybe I’ll come back to it one day but it is sort of okay as it is so who knows.

10) Share a bit of your WIP or share a story idea that you’re planning: Uh, I have one WIP. It’s done, just needs to be edited. Not sure about sharing any bit of it because it is extremely smutty. Like almost filthy. Like, I don’t think I go more than two sentences before something very explicit comes up. 

Anyway, I will tell you some bits about it. It’s Shoutoko (of course it is) and they switch. I came to the realization recently that I only ever write Toko as a bottom so that needed to be rectified. That’s pretty much all I’m going to say about it so thank you for coming to my TEDTalk.

[justrednow]

A little Winter Fever

warnings: Severe illness, financial insecurity, hospitals, death, minimal editing, swearing, extreme cold,                                                                                      my crappy OCs

word count: 2393

Characters: Smalls. (OC’s->) literally everyone else except Roger I guess

Description: The Bronx newsies are hit hard by winter. Not only can they barely make enough to eat, they find temperatures are rising but not outside.    (Sorry for anyone who needs to scroll, I don’t know how to make read more)       _____________________________________________________________

Smalls stared at her bag still filled with 20 papers. She looked up to the street, snow danced in the lights from the lamps. It felt like her cheeks were being cut from the blizzard winds. She dropped the 21st paper back into the bag and shoved her ungloved hands into her pockets. The wind grabbed her skin through the thin shirt she had on. It was too early in the day to call it quits on selling, but her feet were numb. Her boots were wrecked, they were new too. she could feel the water seeping into them. She moved into the stoop of a store, to get out of the wind.

She jumped as a man pushed on the door behind her. Smalls quickly moved out of the way as he walked past her. “Care to buy a paper, sir?” She asked desperately.  To her delight, the man turned to look at her, almost studied her bright red cheeks. To her dismay, he huffed and scurried out into the winter winds. “Maybe next time,” she whispered to herself.

The day dragged on like that. Hiding and begging for people to buy from her. She didn’t break even on the day like she had hoped. Not even close. She pressed 3 coins in her pocket and trudged back home. She was shivering, her lips were blue and chapped.

Finally arriving at The Bronx lodge, she shook the snow from her hair, tossing the sack of papers to the side.  The slightly warmer air welcomed her with the hushed chatter coming from the other room. Smalls glanced at the attendant, lowered her head and kept walking. She owed money for her stay, 14 cents that she didn’t have. She spent it on food for the younger ones. Probably the only reason they hadn’t kicked her onto the streets yet. She traveled into the rec room as it was called. Young newsies ran, oblivious to the winter cold.

Spaniel looked up from her reading, a newspaper that hadn’t been sold. “Someone’s home late.” Her low voice chirped, alerting BlueJay.

Smalls shrugged it off, “it was a rough day.” Spaniel returned her dark eyes to the page. “As you already know, I’m sure.”

“Sure,” the girl murmured. “Didn’t see you at circulation this morning, how much did you take?”

“Only 25,” Smalls plopped herself down next to BlueJay who was sewing away at a loose button. “You?” She nudged him, having expected him to make more of a fuss about her.

“15, I’m not foolish,” he didn’t even look up from his work. “Spaniel didn’t leave today.”

“I did too!” Smalls heard the sound of a paper crinkling as she focused on the frost on the window glass. “But,” the girl stood up as a little newsie tripped over her outstretched leg, “I knew I wouldn’t sell nothing.” the little one, Frog, started coughing. “Carajo! Cover, child!” She stepped away, pulling her shawl closer to her. Frog shrugged and continued playing with the others. “What kept you really? Damn Brooklyn kid’s not dumb enough to walk up here, is he?”

“Someone’s nosy,” Jay chuckled, “it's not like she’s the last one back.”

“She might well be.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Smalls sat up a bit more than she had been. “Everyone else is still out there, they’re coming back.”

“No one told you what the paper was?” Spaniel frowned. Smalls hadn’t thought to ask,  the week had been so quiet and slow. “Scarlet Fever, all over Manhattan. They go down there, they’re good as gone.”

“No one is dumb enough to go to Manhattan in this weather,” Smalls assured her friend. “If they are...”

Jay nervously pulled at his sleeves. He had made it to Queens, to see his grandmother. Crazy old lady. “Only Manhattan?” He asked. He prayed it wouldn’t reach here. They’d all be dead.

“Right now, yeah. Hospitals are packed, you can’t see a doctor.”

“Speaking of,” Smalls interrupted, “Doc isn’t back. He’s typically here before you.” She shifted uneasily. She never liked talking about illness, it reminded her of...

Spaniel shook her head, curly black hair bouncing unaffected by the winter. “He’s upstairs, resting.”

“Tom?” Smalls frowned.

“He was here, now he’s not.”

Smalls opened her mouth to list off another name but Jay cut her off. “They’re fine, don’t let hyperbole get you upset.” He had already convinced himself not to be worried about this. “Besides someone having a little fever isn’t going to prevent them from coming back to the lodge.” he rested a hand on her shoulder for comfort. “Hypothermia will.”

“Why.” Smalls turned slowly, “why would you say that?”

“He’s an ass,” Roger walked into the room, stomping snow off of his boots and throwing himself down into a chair. “He’s right though, heard they found a kid from Harlem stuck in the snow. Said his skin was ice.” Roger took a breath as he brushed the water drops from his hair. “Wasn’t dead though. Don’t know how long before he did kick it.”

“Again,” Spaniel sighed and closed the door of the room, “ain’t no one dumb enough to stand out in that cold for that long.”

There was a moment of silence around the group. They were dumb enough, if not dumb they were desperate enough. Each thought about how many times they had refused to go back no matter how damn cold they were. The inside of their mouth could have been covered in ice from yelling and nothing would have changed.

More importantly, Roger’s mind wandered to Knot. The kid was 14 and refused to follow him back to the lodge. Roger had given up and left him alone in the cold. That was the wrong call. It took a week to find him, froze to death in an alley next to an apartment building. Roger took the blame, every time it came up. Not that it came up often. But it was hard for him not to when he thought about everything he could have done differently. It was hard not to think about it when the little ones set out on their own and Roger imagined finding their little bodies curled up around a coat they stole.

“Roger,” Smalls repeated for the third time. This time he came too. “Jay’s going to run and get food, want anything?”

Roger wiped under his eyes. They burned but no tears had fallen. “Yeah, whatever they have. I’ll pay you back,” he promised.

“Don’t worry about it.” Jay was already heading out before Roger could protest the idea. Roger glanced at the clock, he became aware of its ticking.  “it’s already 6?”

Spaniel looked up at the clock and shrugged. “Guess so.” She began to pick up clutter around the room, shooing the little newsies off to wash up. She tossed the paper into the fireplace, taking a moment to watch it smoke and crumple. After the few books in the whole building had been put back into their basket Spaniel found her way back to her chair.

“I’m gonna go find Tom,” Roger excused himself as the conversation was over.

Smalls chuffed in amusement, “looking for a fight?”

“You know it,” he sighed before ducking out of the room. Smalls watched him go before she began to pull off her boots. Her socks were still wet. She made a noise. She pulled them off and laid them over the fire.  Her bare feet were still cold but the carpet felt good, almost soft.

“What are we going to do with him,” Spaniel sighed with a smile as she traced her nail across the frosted window.

“Tom?” Smalls raised an eyebrow as she glanced out into the entrance of the building, “or Roger?”

“Both will get themselves killed,” Spaniel chuckled.

_____________________________

Within the next 2 weeks, seven were sick. Five were little ones: Frog, Jani, Louis, Hop, and Slingshot. The other two were Spaniel and Roger. They were all kept in the sick room. The healthy children started calling it the death room, Smalls almost hit them. Yet they weren’t wrong. They had nothing to reduce fevers, all used up. The only medicine for the illness was in hospitals. No adult was rushing to pay that bill. No newsie had the money.

Instead, they went about their lives. It was never of their minds, though. Who was next to become ill, who would die first? What could be done?

Smalls got back earlier and earlier, she couldn’t stand to be away.  She sat in a little wooden chair by the door, listening to the coughing and children crying. She wanted it to be her, just to save one of them.

Jay returned for her when he could. But his own problems arose in Queens. He brought her a chunk of bread from his Grandmothers. “What did she say?” Smalls disregarded the offering.

“She doesn’t like Orphans, Smalls,” Jay let out a long sigh. “Especially street kids.”

Smalls stood up, she was ready to snap. “You’re a street orphan! But we all know that if it was you in that room you’d have a doctor living in the same room as you!” she shouted. “It isn’t fair! She can help them, you know she can!”

“I know...” Jay didn’t need a reminder of anything. “What do you expect me to do that I haven’t already done.” His grandmother was as stubborn as she was rich.  “We’d have better luck begging at the doors of a hospital.” Smalls turned to him. “Which we are not going to do because it’s probably a crime in some way.”

“What other option do we have, watch them die?” Smalls spoke again. He turned away. “They are dying, Jay! You can’t ignore that, it’s not going to go away.”

“That’s what I’m supposed to be saying to you right now,” Jay shook his head and pushed the door with his foot, looking into the dark room. Spaniel caught his eye right away. Her usually rosy brown skin was now all rose. She was sweating and shivering. but she managed a smile and a wave to them before throwing herself into a fit of coughing. “Alright, let’s go.”

Smalls pulled the door shut and they headed out. She felt the tear in her boot become soaked with water, but it didn’t matter. She followed close behind Jay as the wind whistled in her ears. Around halfway there she began to think about what would happen if this didn’t work. What were they asking of these doctors? These doctors with other patients who are paying and more important that grungy street orphans. Smalls hugged herself tight as she thought about the five in the room, she coughed instead of crying. Jay spun around.

“I’m fine, we’re almost there, right?”

“Yeah,” he nodded and slowed down so that they would be walking side by side.

Before long they were there, walking in and moving around the rush. Smalls stared, she didn’t realize how many people there could be. She averted her eyes when she saw a mother holding a newborn with an awful rash. She then turned to an older man and his wife, both nervous looking. Jay pulled her by the arm to the front administration desk.

“We need to talk to a doctor!” Jay demanded.

The lady at the front desk nodded, “yes, I could have assumed that. Are you visiting a patient or admitting?”

Smalls looked to Jay desperately. The answer was neither. They didn’t have a plan, they didn’t bother to make one. “Visiting our younger sister, we are very worried about her.” The lady looked between the two of them, they didn’t look alike. “Last name?”

Jay paled a bit but continued to speak. “Smith.”

She pulled out a book and shuffled some papers. “First name?”

“Mine?” Jay stammered, “or hers?”

“The name of the patient, and if needed the disease they have.” Smalls flinched as she listened, around her people were chattering and coughing and sneezing. It was loud and she was scared.

“Elizabeth, scarlet fever,” Jay answered. 1 out of 100 lies is true. Smalls nodded along. “May we see her doctor please?”

“‘Fraid that’s the only person you can talk to...” The lady tapped on the desk. “She died this morning.” Smalls chocked and Jay bit down on his lip. he imagined the newsies, dead. “Wait down the hall, the doctor will be with you.”

Smalls, in her turn, grabbed Jay by his coat sleeve and lead him down the hall. “Dead.” She echoed.

__________________________

“Alright, I‘m confused...” Dr. Ellsen stared at the two. “You lied to come and talk to a doctor about curing a disease?”

“We just need the medicine, we can take it from there,” Smalls explained. The doctor rubbed his face laughing in dark ironic humor. Smalls looked at Jay who had leaned forward to see what the laughter was about.

The doctor stood up and looked at the pair. “You don’t get it, do you?” He sighed, “there is no cure for Scarlet Fever. If there was do you think half of our wards would be full of crying toddlers right now?” The two said nothing. “You’re brave to come here, but there is nothing to be done.” Jay opened his mouth to say something. “Free advice, you best take it. Keep that door shut and locked. They’ll be dead soon enough. Especially considering how weak you two look, can’t imagine it’ll take long.”

“Your pessimism is much appreciated,” Jay retaliated.

“Try being an optimist after telling a new mother her baby died,” he ushered them to the door. “I’m sorry. No need to waste the money you have here.”

____________________________

By the time they got back to the lodge, they found out that two more had been brought into the sick room. Spaniel somehow looked worse. Smalls entered the room, despite her better judgment. 

She sat down on the edge of the bed that Hop was laying in. The child had curled around the thin knit blanket he had been given. Smalls brushed a hand over his sweating forehead. She realized how still he was and gave his cold body a nudge.

Panic swelled inside her as she jumped to her feet, shaking him harder. She looked for any sign of life. “Hop!” she shouted at him, alerting the others in the room. “Hop?” Her voice grew more and more desperate for the six-year-old to wake up. But he stayed in his endless sleep. Within the week half of those in the room would join him. 

There is no cure.

[valsjuls]

fire & desire chap 6 - a juliantina fanfic

yooo guess what’s finally updated??

get caught up with the story here on ao3 __

The next morning she wakes up with Valentina’s body playing the big spoon against her body. She’s trapped underneath Valentina’s right arm, but she felt the need to grab a glass of water. 

Trying her best to not wake the girl, she carefully slides herself away from Valentina’s hold and plants her feet on the ground. 

It was almost noon, about 9 hours since Valentina kissed her. 

She must admit that she’s surprised that she got to sleep after that. Maybe it was the comfort of having Valentina spending the rest of the night with her instead of Lucho.

Lucho. She recalls Valentina disappearing with Lucho, probably doing god knows what. She sighs at that thought and makes her way to the kitchen. Sergio was in the kitchen with Lucho when she overhears them talking about Valentina.

“I mean what else am I supposed to assume?” Lucho sounds irritated.

She makes sure not to take any more steps towards the direction of the countertop next to the fridge.

“So you think she’s pregnant? But she was literally drinking last night with you,” Sergio said with a laugh.

“Why else would she be acting weird lately, bro? She didn’t even want to sleep with me last night!” Lucho complains and Juliana’s lips curve.

Just by knowing Valentina refused to have sex with Lucho but kissed her instead had her hopes running up. As much as she wanted to avoid interrupting the two talking, she really wanted her glass of water.

She steps inside the kitchen and the boys greet her good morning and she greets back, making her way to the fridge to grab two water bottles. The two boys stand differently with Juliana walking in the same space as them, their body language implying they were hiding something. They probably didn’t want to be caught talking about Valentina.

Though Juliana couldn’t care less and goes back to the room. She almost tiptoes towards the bed, trying to keep quiet so she doesn’t wake the girl. Unfortunately, the creaking sound of the door woke Valentina up. The girl blinks to gain focus while looking at Juliana. “Hey,” She greets with a tired voice.

“Hey, water?” Juliana extends her arm out and offers the second water bottle she had to Valentina.

“Yes, please!” With a tired voice, Valentina takes the offer. Valentina lets out an ‘ahh’ after almost draining the whole water bottle down. Juliana understood why the girl was desperate for the taste of water just by remembering how drunk and high off ecstasy last night Valentina was.

The memory of that version of Valentina reminded her of how they kissed last night.

Juliana sits on the side of the bed and bites down her inner cheeks as she looks at the girl. She wants to address what happened last night when Valentina kissed her. What was that? Why did she end up spending the night with her instead of Lucho?

“What’s on your mind?” Valentina sits up, getting her legs in a criss-cross position faced towards Juliana.

“I..” She starts and almost hesitates, but she shakes her head.

She didn’t want to leave this undiscussed. If there was a slight chance that Valentina felt the same way for her back, she would break her walls down for her.

“I think we should talk about last night,” Juliana manages to say with her sentence sounding like it was sped up. They’re best friends so they should be able to communicate about this. If they can address their drunken hookup, then they can address that kiss- Juliana was sure of it.

“Last night?” Valentina furrows her eyebrow, implying she had no idea what Juliana was talking about.

“You don’t remember?” Her tone was filled with disappointment.

Valentina shakes her side to side and patiently waits for Juliana to explain what went on to her.

“I drank a lot last night and that pill I took..” Valentina reasons and pauses, trying to reflect on the night before. “A lot of things are still foggy in my mind.” The chuckle that followed from her sends Juliana to a place of secrets.

The high hopes she had with the thought of Valentina reciprocating these feelings were torn down at this. She doesn’t think mentioning the kiss was worth anything because clearly it meant nothing to Valentina but perhaps, only another drunk mistake.

Valentina’s reaction influences Juliana’s words being taken away from her and she doesn’t know how to proceed with the conversation.

Valentina takes Juliana’s silence and raises her eyebrows, “Please don’t tell me I tried to do the worm dance in front of everyone!” The girl buries her face in her hands to cover the embarrassment.

Juliana slightly bows her head down with a lightened laugh, feeling pressure leave her shoulders. “None of that happened, Val,” She says with a reassuring tone.

Valentina lifts her head up and lets out a breath of relief. “Okay,” She nods, with a soft smile. “Then what did you want to talk about?” She’s looking back at Juliana in such a tender way, it’s hurting Juliana in the inside. This girl is absolutely beautiful, Juliana thinks to herself.

But she doesn’t know what to say, and she knew she couldn’t continue to stare back Valentina’s eyes, so she looks away.

“Was it me taking that pill?” Valentina asks with shame in her voice as if that was the answer.

No, it was you literally kissing me and grabbing my hip at the same time. Juliana snaps in her mind.

“Listen, it was a one time thing, you don’t have to worry.” She smiles and reaches out for Juliana’s hand.

Juliana looks down at the touch and gulps, trying to swallow the heavy knot in her throat that came out of nowhere.

“I just want you to be safe,” She replies, allowing the girl to think this was the topic she wanted to talk about. “Do you remember anything last night?” She asks, testing if Valentina really didn’t have a memory of that kiss.

The girl looks up to the ceiling, trying to jog her memory but all she could do is look back at Juliana and shrug. “No, I don’t.”

Juliana pursed her lips and nods, taking it all in. Just another drunk mistake.

Valentina furrows her eyebrow at her. “Did something happen?”

“Nothing happened,” She denies as she was quick to shake her head side to side.

Valentina just simply nods.

Quiet filled the air between them and Juliana remembered that her hand was held by the girl. She looks down at their hands and slides away from Valentina’s.

“I’m going to make some breakfast,” Juliana clears her throat again and stands up, taking a couple steps back away from the bed. “Do you want anything? Eggs?” She asks, trying to maintain this calmness in her voice.

“Sounds good,” Valentina agrees.

Juliana nods before reaching for door handle. She didn’t get the chance to open the door because the door opens from the opposite side and it was Lucho walking in.

“Sorry,” Lucho says to Juliana, realizing he almost opened the door into her.

“It’s okay,” She brushes it off and glances back at Valentina.

“Morning, babe.” He walks over to Valentina and presses his lips against her forehead.

They meet eyes for a moment and for some reason, Valentina looked apologetic. The blue eyed girl had her mouth agape and then gulped as Lucho proceeded to hug her. Juliana breaks their reciprocated sights towards one another and walks out the door.

On her way to the kitchen, she lets out a sigh. If only things were different.

She sees Sergio cracking eggs into a bowl, he turns and meet eyes with her.

“Hey,” He says, waving with a for in his hand.

She wanted to shake off the jealousy she was left feeling from seeing Lucho being able to kiss Valentina so freely that she offers to help Sergio cook.

He smiles at the girl in surprise.

She shakes her head. “Don’t get your hopes up,” She chuckles.

“Okay, mi novia,” My girlfriend. He flirts and Juliana is reminded why he makes her want to throw up once again.

“Stop that,” She says, taking the bowl from him and breaking the egg yolk with the stir of the fork.

“Wow, you guys are cooking together already?” They hear Lucho’s teasing voice from behind.

Juliana glances over her shoulder at him and sees Valentina following behind with arms crossed and a serious look on her face.

The girl looked bothered. Juliana wondered if Lucho said something in the room when she left that could have bothered Valentina or maybe it was seeing her and Sergio kind of bonding together.

For the most of their day, they spent organizing the house for the “U.B.H” party, as Sergio liked to put it. It stood out for ‘ultimate beach house’ and he would put emphasis into the sound of “UBH” when going around the neighborhood inviting others to come by.

Juliana doesn’t think it isn’t the best name for it but Sergio was already too far in inviting neighbors so convince him otherwise.

Thankfully, this was the last day to their little trip to the beach house and all she needed to do is get through another day with everyone drinking around her.

At the same time, she was trying her best to ignore how down she felt with Valentina not having a memory of the night before and acted as if it never happened. They were setting up the beer pong table and placing the cups where it needed to be for the game. It wasn’t hard to keep a conversation together with Valentina, it was trying to avoid what was in her mind that was the problem.

On the bright side, she thinks she’s getting better at masking these feelings she has for Valentina by reminding herself that this was never going to be real. It was all just in her head and telling herself once again that it was nothing more and nothing less.

“I think I’m going to play the sober role tonight,” Valentina mentions as she places beer bottles in the cooler.

“And why is that?” She raises an eyebrow.

“I haven’t gotten drunk to the point where I don’t remember what I did in a long time,” Valentina gives a soft chuckle, “I think I’m going to sit this one out. We can be sober together.” The girl suggests with a smile and two thumbs up.

Juliana puckers up and forces a smile, “Sounds like a plan.”

It wasn’t long after until Lucho and Sergio come back in the house with a crowd of spring breakers following. The guests were walking inside the house with excitement and alcoholic beverages.

She looked back at Valentina and they both knew this was going to be one hell of a party.

Some guests brought beer bottles and some brought all different kinds of tequila and dark liquor. Sergio plugs his phone in the aux and started blasting loud electronic music to set the party mood.

Lucho was already starting by chugging three beer bottles back to back. Juliana notices Valentina suck in her cheeks, watching her boyfriend preparing to be incredibly intoxicated.

By the way Valentina sighs, Juliana knew the girl was going to definitely sober as hell taking care of Lucho.

It was only the afternoon and Juliana didn’t want to waste the rest of her day in the house filled with people drinking so she excuses herself and walks down to the sand of the beach. She only wore high waisted denim short shorts with a white tank top, she wasn’t looking for a swim.

She takes a seat on the dry sand and watched the waves on the water rise and fall repeatedly. There could never be such more of a peaceful feeling because of how surprisingly empty the beach felt. She assumes the guests were all at the party and she was okay with that.

This was her first moment of peace ever since the drunk hookup she had with Valentina. Her mind was spinning ever since but right now, with the wind carefully brushing against her, she felt like she could finally breathe.

That was until, a shadow came close from behind her. It had to be someone who was walking towards her. She turns her head over her shoulder and sees Valentina next to her.

“Can I join you?” The girl asks and Juliana nods.

Valentina bends her knees and sits right beside her best friend. “Lucho was driving me crazy in there, I needed a break,” She chuckles.

Juliana responds back with a weak laugh.

“Are you okay?” She feels Valentina looking at her while she found interest in staring down at the sand.

“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?” Juliana was far from the truth. She picks her head up and meets Valentina’s eyes.

“I don’t know, you feel distant.” Valentina’s tone was low.

“I just have a lot in my mind,” She felt bad she wasn’t being herself around the girl anymore. How could she? She wouldn’t risk her friendship with Valentina for anything in the world.

“Tell me,” Valentina insists.

They held their gaze on to each other, both not daring to break it. Something in Valentina’s eyes made Juliana wonder if there was something on this girl’s mind too.

“Was it that night?” Valentina suggests carefully and Juliana gulps.

Why can’t she just admit that she’s been so conflicted lately? Maybe telling Valentina and getting reject was what she needed. Maybe she needed Valentina to react in a way that will snap her out of this spell in her mind. She needed to be called crazy and to be laughed at.

Maybe if the girl said those things out loud to Juliana, she would finally believe it.

“Honestly, Val…” She starts, trying to prepare herself for the reaction. Valentina inches closer and gives her full attention to Juliana. But before Juliana could even try to form the words she wanted to say out loud, the sound of Valentina’s phone ringing interrupted her.

“Hold that thought,” Valentina looks down at her cell phone and they both see the caller id to be none other than Lucho. She could see Valentina hesitate to answer the phone so she insists that the girl does so.

That was enough of a sign for Juliana to bury away the thoughts of almost telling Valentina how she felt.

“Okay, okay. I’ll be there soon,” Valentina sighs and scratches her head before putting the phone down.

“I’m sorry Juls, please continue-“

“It’s okay, Val.” Juliana cuts her off and stands up. “Let’s just go back inside,” She suggests, reaching out her hand to help the girl up. Valentina’s eyes drop and it looked like her mood did as well, but she takes Juliana’s hand and pulls up from the ground.

“I just want to hear what you wanted to say,” Valentina insists as they begin walking together back to the house.

Juliana stares at the distance from where they were and the house. “There’s nothing to say,” She says, avoiding eye contact with Valentina. “Everything’s all good.”

When they get back inside the house, everyone was at least buzzed or at their drunk stage already. Lucho was intoxicated and almost picking fights with random people, but Valentina showed up just in time to calm them down.

Juliana sits in the kitchen and made herself a plate of snacks to get by. It wasn’t long until Sergio sat right next to her with a bottle in one hand.

“Ay, Juliana,” He says unamused, “Take a shot with me.”

“No, thank you.” She says, as she watches everyone else around her talking loudly and drinking. She sees from the distance that Valentina was trying to keep Lucho from finishing a whole bottle of mezcal to himself.

Sergio notices Juliana looking at them and says, “Stop babysitting Vale and have some fun for yourself.”He holds up a shot glass to her.

“I’m not her babysitter,” She sounded defensive.

“Good, because she looks like the babysitter tonight,” Sergio laughs and points at the direction they were just turned to.

She turns her head and sees Valentina trying to control Lucho from breaking a lamp by waving it around.

Something burned inside of her when she sees Lucho setting the lamp down and placing his hands on Valentina’s sides that drove her to accept the shot glass in front of her face.

She throws her head back to the drink and bites down the slice of lime as chase. She uses the back of her hand to wipe away the remaining tequila across her bottom lip.

“Okay, now we’re getting started!” Sergio cheers obnoxiously.

Fuck it. She says to herself, forgetting about the sober plan she had with Valentina.

She didn’t want to pine over Valentina anymore, because there was no point to! All she’s wanted to do was forget these unrequited feelings so she lets Sergio pour her another shot. She throws her head back once more and continues to take back to back shots.

Drinking hit her differently when she was hurt.

She walks away from Sergio and takes a whole bottle from the kitchen table for herself. It wasn’t long that she started to make friends with the guests of the house and taking more shots with them. She knew the effects of the alcohol was rising in her when she became more extroverted to the people around her.

Growing up, she never really went out her way to talk to people. She was always to herself, but it was that moment meeting Valentina for the first time at the park that she went out her way to talk to her. She just had to know who the beautiful girl crying in the middle of park was.

She even came across the girl she met on the beach yesterday, Marianna. The girls greeted each other with a hug and then took a shot together. Sergio insisted that they have a drinking competition of who could handle the most to chug without opting out. Marianna takes on the game and Juliana decides to as well.

“Everyone! Game time!” Sergio yells out and everyone turns their heads to the girls.

It was a beer chugging competition, something Juliana has never participated in her life so it wasn’t a surprise to her when she couldn’t finish the whole beer bottle without taking a second to breathe. Most of the guests began to surround the two, cheering on as they go another round of the game.

Valentina walks towards the crowd and watches Juliana finish through this round with the beer bottle.

“I have an idea,” Marianna suggests, slurring her words. This girl was already out of it.

Juliana raises her eyebrow at her. The girl she had just met picks ip a sliced lime from the table and walks closer to Juliana.

“It’ll make the crowd go nuts,” Marianna says to Juliana’s ear before squeezing the lime down the side of Juliana’s neck.

“Put this in your mouth,” Marianna holds up the squeezed lime to her mouth and she bites on to it. She began to realize how submissive she was when she’s drunk.

Juliana raises both her eyebrows and glances at the crowd- at Valentina. Valentina had her arms folded again with an unamused look across her face. The next thing Juliana knew, Marianna ran her tongue up Juliana’s neck where she squeezed the lime juice to.

It surprised Juliana and the crowd cheered loudly, but she was becoming too drunk to process it completely. The next thing she knew, Marianna lifts her head up and leans closer to her face.

Marianna uses her mouth to take the lime from Juliana’s mouth, pressing her lips against Juliana’s along the way. Marianna’s open lips moved along Juliana’s in a brief moment before Marianna pulls her head back with the lime in-between her teeth this time.

Juliana’s eye widen as she looks at the girl she had just met. She turns her head back to the direction of where Valentina was. They lock eyes for a moment and Juliana’s sees the sour expression across Valentina’s face.

Valentina breaks eye contact by walking away.

“My turn!” She hears Sergio telling the Marianna girl.

Assuming Valentina was going to continue taking care of Lucho, she continues to converse with the people around her.

When the alcohol kicks in completely, she decides to go back to the peaceful spot she was at earlier. It was barely sunset but the sky has never looked so beautifully on fire. She walks down the sand far enough to be close by the waves of the water and watches the sun go down.

She surprised herself with the capacity of alcohol her body was taking. She had already lost her meaning of soberness and was numb to her feelings around her. She digs her feet in the sand as she had her knees bent faced up and her arms wrapped around it.

Valentina popped back in her mind and anger followed. She was bothered how Valentina was so easy to act as if their hookup never happened because it did matter.

It meant everything.

For the past couple nights she couldn’t sleep right without flashbacks running in her head of Valentina being on top of her. Sure she was drunk in that moment, but she’s never felt anything so real.

“Juliana!” She hears the sound of Sergio’s voice break the thoughts in her head. She stands up and turns around to see Sergio.

“What are you doing in here all alone? Come inside where the party is,” He chuckles and she rolls her eyes, grabbing the tequila bottle from the ground.

She stumbles as she reaches down for the bottle and almost loses complete balance before Sergio steps in front of her to prevent that.

“Woah there, let me help you,” He says, as he helps Juliana balance on her two feet.

She tries to take two steps forward but the amount of alcohol she consumed had her losing basic functions. She stumbles again and has Sergio deciding to sweep her off her feet and carry her like a child. She was so out of it that she didn’t try to fight this, she just kept the bottle close her as she was being carried.

They walk back into the house like this and Valentina glares at the both of them.

“Why are you holding her like that?” Everything sounded so distant to Juliana but Valentina’s voice was clearly filled with bitterness. It reminded her of when Valentina saw her talking to Marianna just yesterday and accused her of flirting with the girl.

“Do you not see how drunk she is?” Sergio sasses back and then laughs. They go into the room the girls shared and laid Juliana down. There was an open tequila bottle on the lamp desk that Juliana reaches out for, she wanted another swig.

“Juls, you don’t need anymore of that,” Valentina chuckles softly, taking the bottle away.

“You got it from here,” Sergio says before walking out the door and closing it behind him.

She watches him leave and realizes she’s in a room with Valentina alone, still fresh off the angry thoughts in her mind.

“I- I don’t want to be here,” Juliana groans, trying to stand back up on her two feet.

“Juliana come on, you can barely get up,” Valentina reaches out for her arm, but instinctively Juliana pulls her arm inwards to avoid the touch. She just leans her back against the wall for support instead.

“Are you okay?” Valentina backs away quickly, not trying to test Juliana. But then, Valentina folds her arms and takes a step closer to Juliana. “Did Sergio do something to you?” Valentina’s stern and protective tone almost makes Juliana want to burst out laughing.

Sergio? She thinks he did something to me? That’s funny. She responds with a giggle that bubbled up from her throat.

“Seriously?” She manages to say in between her laughs.

“Sorry, I didn’t know what else to think,” Valentina unfolds her arms and throws her hands up in defense.

She pushes herself off the wall and finds balance on her feet. “I’ll let you figure it out,” Her delivery in her tone was bitter and Valentina became confused.

The music from the other room rolls in when she opens the door to walk out. She was completely underneath the spell of the tequila bottle and all she wanted was to be away from Valentina.

“Wait,” Valentina walks up to the side of the door and extends her arm out to prevent Juliana from opening the door completely.

The girl stood close to Juliana, just barely tilting her head down to hold a steady gaze with her. She drops her eyes down from Valentina’s and focuses on the shape of the girl’s lips. They were so full and perfectly moist, there were no cracks of dryness to it.

“Something’s bothering you, I can tell from the moment I woke up,” Valentina says, lifting up Juliana’s chin to make eye contact with her.

Being this close to each other, she also wanted to feel Valentina’s lips against hers but she clenches her jaw at the temptation. She couldn’t be around her any longer so she grips on the door handle. Every action that she wanted to take right now was purely out of impulse, so being around Valentina made it hard to maintain it.

She pierced back at Valentina’s gaze. “You just made another one of your drunk mistakes last night, that was it,” Her words come out like venom and then she attempts to walk out again.

Valentina reaches out for her arm to stop her.

“What are you talking about?” There was confusion in the girl’s voice and it continued to bother Juliana.

“I don’t want to talk about it, okay? Basta.” Enough. Juliana snaps, slightly raising her voice.

“You’re drinking and making out with random people, just tell me what’s wrong!” Valentina sounded frustrated that she was meeting the sound level of Juliana’s angry tone.

“And why does that bother you?” She was quick to respond with her tone being flat and bitter. The alcohol in her set a flame inside of her, a flame that ignited the sass she only had used against someone that’s ever pissed her off like her father.

Juliana pierced her eyes at the girl, biting down her teeth. It shouldn’t bother Valentina that Marianna kissed her, at least that girl was clearly not in a relationship.

Valentina tucks his her lips and aggressively runs her hands through her hair. “Because you’re avoiding me, Juliana! I know there has to be a reason for it!”

She couldn’t stand being yelled at by Valentina, especially in her drunk state.

“Because I’m tired of pretending not to be in love with you every time I’m in the same room as you!”  She raises her voice back at Valentina without thinking about the words that came out of her mouth.

Valentina lowers her stiff shoulders and softens her face.

Juliana didn’t realize how heavy she was breathing until the silence filled in the air. They were staring back at each other and Juliana realizes what she says and massages her temples, shutting her eyes for a brief moment.

“I’m sorry,” She manages to say with a knot starting to tie in her throat. All she wanted to do was leave so she reaches for the door and quickly walks out.

“Juliana!” Valentina catches up to her and stands in front of her. They were in the middle of the living room. Juliana wanted to just leave.

“You don’t have to say anything,” Juliana says, beginning to feel frustrated at herself for putting Valentina in this position.

“I..” Valentina tries to find her words, “I don’t know what to say.”

To Juliana, those words were an answer already.

“That’s all I need to know,” She tucks in her lips and slightly bows her head down, trying to avoid letting Valentina see the sad expression across her face.

“I need to some air,” She says, turning back around heading towards the door that led to the outside of the house.

This time she didn’t let Valentina stop her because she closed the door right behind her as she walked away.

Telling Valentina how she really felt was the last thing she ever wanted to do.

[ramennoodlesandnarusasu]

A kiss never forgotten

*Chap 1: A drunken night*

*Chap 2: A blurred night*

*Chap 3: The bath house*

*Chap 4: A Thousand pieces*

*Chap 5: Heart beat*

*Chap 6: Surprise*

*Chap 7: Sunsets, trees and you*

*Chap 8: What now?*

*Chap 9: Healing the unfixable*

*Chap 10: So, this is it?*

*Chap 11: What now?*

*Chap 12: Kids and kisses*

*Chap 13: Its time*

*Chap 14: Tears*

*Chap 15: Somethings different?*

*Chap 16: Its time*

*Chap 17: At peace*

*Chap 18: Pancakes, kids and headaches*

*Chap 19: Will you stay or will you go?*

Chap 20: The end of the Aisle- FINAL CHAPTER

Naruto stared at the white tiles, shaking, almost hyperventilating. The tiles were a shinny white colour and Naruto meet his own eyes on the shiny reflection. He looked at himself also dressed in white and started re-stressing about today so he got up and started to look around for any form of distraction.

“Oh, look what pretty white curtains…”

Naruto started to concentrating on his breathing, he couldn’t tell why was he so nervous? He known this day was coming for 12 months. Then why was he freaking out so much right now?

He started circling the room, admiring the beautiful features of the of the room. There was ancient Japanese scripture around the walls and photos of the shrine when it was constructed many years ago. Golden flower embellishments almost vined around the room, soft golden flowers dripping into the white soft features of the room.

He smiled thinking too himself; he never thought he would be here again, this time with someone he was hundred times more excited about. He vaguely remembered the day he was here with Hinata, on that day he didn’t felt stressed, he didn’t really feel anything. He was extremely relaxed, he chuckled under his breath looking back now the signs were so obvious from the beginning.

Naruto heard the soft clink of a Japanese bamboo shot, water flowing softly and birds chirping in unison. He was so excited but at the same time so nervous, it had been a bumpy road leading to this day, but it was finally here.

Naruto’s thoughts were interrupted by the sound of a soft knock at the door.

“Naruto are you ready?” Kakashi asked as he closed the door behind him.

Naruto turned around with small tears forming in the corners in his eyes,  a wide smile that just wouldn't disappear from his face

“More than I will ever be Kakashi.”

Kakashi came forward,  he himself was feeling a bit  emotional since  he had considered himself  Naruto’s  father.

“My god Naruto, I must say you look amazing.”

Naruto spun around to face the mirror, looking at himself in all white. He wore a modern white tuxedo with a crème top underneath. He accompanied the entire look with the Hokage cloak hanging off both his shoulders, he was truly a sight.

“If only your parents could see you.”

Naruto started to tear up even more, “oh no! No crying on your big day  Naruto.”

“Well stop saying emotional shit that’s going to make me cry.”

Kakashi came forward to embrace Naruto, he didn’t care how mushy he was acting, today he was basically filling in for Minato, he had seen this boy grow up from a tiny little kid, abandoned, alone, craving attention, to this man. A man who had conquered so much in his lifetime, a man worthy of the title  Hokage.

“I am so proud of you Naruto, I know it wasn’t easy for you and Sasuke to get married, but it was all worth it in the end.”

“Hmph” Naruto mumbled quietly under his breath as he let his tears start fall down his cheeks and onto Kakashi’s shoulder.

“Okay before we  both start bawling our eyes out, let’s get you down this alter.”

Naruto nodded, wiping his tears away in the process. He looked around for his bouquet, he found it next to the seat he was using before. He picked up the beautiful bouquet which held white roses and lilies. He started following Kakashi to the door, as Kakashi went to open it, Naruto lingered for just two more seconds.

“You coming Naruto?”

Naruto looked back into the white washed room, as though waiting for answers. And it was in that second that the almost clear white curtains brushed upwards from the wind that he saw his mum and dad standing behind it,  clear as day.

They smiled as they stared at their son, and as quick as the curtain went up the curtain would soon fall down. It was as the curtain started floating down, that Naruto heard the soft voice of Kushina in the air, telling him she loved him. And then they were gone, the room looked the same, and Naruto knew it was time. He turned around to face Kakashi and smiled, the most confident smile he had ever produced in his lifetime.

“Yep! Let’s do this.”

-

Naruto and Sasuke had agreed on a modern slash traditional wedding, so the venue was still held in one of the most spiritually old shrines in Konoha;but Naruto wanted to add a modern influences to the wedding, which Sasuke didn’t go extremely against. This meant that there was a band to coordinate the music for the evening, which had been playing typical wedding songs all day long.

Naruto had heard them from his room, but as he walked closer and closer to where everyone was sitting, he started to hear the music getting louder and louder. The soft tunes of a piano and harp started coursing into Naruto’s body, he was starting to get more flustered the louder the music.

As if the music was exciting every cell in his body, the soft tunes pulled him forward to his new life.

Naruto slowly followed Kakashi who lead him to the main event, soon they both reached a golden door. Naruto was fully aware that behind this golden door was an exquisite garden. A garden which currently had over one hundred people sitting down in chairs waiting for Naruto to appear, and a man, so special, so beautiful, waiting for him at the end of the aisle.

Naruto started to hyperventilate properly this time, feeling like his heart was just short of collapsing. His face was going all red and the sound of the band intruding Naruto was literally pulsating in his skin.

“Naruto, breathe, you will be fine.” Kakashi said whilst taking Naruto’s arm to assume the father position.

Naruto nodded, feeling one million emotions at that very second.

But as the  doors started opening, allowing the bright light from the sun to enter Naruto’s eyes something in Naruto’s body changed, he started to calm, his lungs relaxed and he un-clenched his nervous fist. His heart stopped in pure awe. He didn’t see the gardens which had been so beautifully decorated with white silk ribbons, he didn’t see the guest all standing up for him and smiling. He only saw one thing that shined  brighter than the ten  suns combined.

Sasuke.

There he was smiling at Naruto, a genuinely large smile, which he couldn’t wipe off his face. Dressed in a gorgeous deep black. He was looking at Naruto like he was the only one in the entire garden and Naruto looked at him in the exact same way.

As the band starting playing Bridal March from the opera Lohengrin, Naruto started to slowly walk forwards, one foot after another, slowly walking over white petals that were scattered all over the floor. He started to think to himself as he stepped forwards towards his future, how much he had  struggle to get here and how  it was all worth it in then end. If he knew back then what his future held, he would hug everyone around him and say thank you, because for every argument, for every single late night, for every emotional grieve, he is able to stand where he is today.

Naruto started to remines of that day, that horrible yet beautiful day he got proposed too.

-

*1 year before*

“So, Naruto will you marry me?” Sasuke looked at him, whilst starting to get a worried expression  on his face.

Naruto looked down in shock, not knowing what to do. His anger and worry had completely slipped away, Sasuke was right here, safe from harm and asking for his hand in marriage. What was he meant to do?

Naruto heard Kurama's voice in his head., “say yes you fool!”

“YES!” Naruto said whilst still in a state of shook.

Sasuke let out a breath and relaxed his whole body, “oh thank god.” He got up and placed a silver ring on Naruto’s left hand, he threw the box over his shoulder not caring where it landed. He took Naruto into a deep long and passionate kiss, a kiss attempting to make up for  being away for nearly 2 months.

Naruto started to cry whilst aggressively kissing him back, he missed him so much, he couldn’t believe that Sasuke was in his arms. He had been so worried for so long, not knowing if he would return had been killing him, but finally all that stress and worry could finally float away.

It was as though somehow Naruto found peace in that kiss, like the stress and anger which had piled up had been burnt away slowly by the soft touch of Sasuke’s kiss.

Naruto pulled away, looking into Sasuke’s eyes longingly. He saw that he had a few cuts on his face, which had left their damage on Sasuke’s porcelain perfect skin. Naruto started to trace them with his fingers, as though attempting his best to clear them away from his skin.

“I’ve missed you Sasuke… I thought you were leaving me. You don’t understand what I went through these past two  months, I was going crazy.”

Sasuke looked down to the ground as though he was guilty, he back away slowly from Naruto, as though preparing for something.

“What are you doing?”

Sasuke bit his lip and looked at Naruto with the purest puppy dog eyes he could summon, “well, would you kill me if I said I planned it to be like that?”

Naruto’s eyebrow started twitching,   his fist starting to clench so hard that his knuckles all simultaneously cracked.

“What do you mean Sasuke?” Naruto said in an increasingly aggressive voice.

Sasuke started running for the door, “it wasn’t my idea it was Kakashi’s.”

Naruto started chasing him outside, ready to attack Sasuke with everything he got, but then he stopped right in his tracks. As he stepped outside his house, he was struck with another round of shock.

“CONGRATULATIONS!”

Naruto could see everyone he knew, Ino, Sai, Kiba, Kakashi and Iruka, Lady Tsunade, and    basically the entire village.

Naruto’s mouth was on the ground. “What the hell? I LITERALLY JUST WALKED PAST HERE? AND NONE-OF THIS WAS HERE.”

“What do you expect from Konoha’s best trained Ninjas?” Konohamaru said in a confident tone.

“Oh my gosh Naruto! You're engaged!” Everyone started running towards him to see the ring and Naruto just stood there as still as a statue in shock.

Everyone started surrounding him to have a view of the new shiny silver ring on his left hand which bonded him to Sasuke.

Naruto smiled at everyone who came to look at his ring ;thanking them as they congratulated him on his new engagement. Until sooner or later it was Sakura’s and Hinata’s turn to come and congratulate him

He looked at them with worry but gratitude that they even came, “guys, you didn’t have to come, I would have understood.” Hinata looked at him with tears nearly falling from her eyes.Sakura gave him a warm smile to ease his concerned. .

“Naruto, I am happy for you, if you are happy, so am I. I just I really want you to live the life you have always wanted and I hope Sasuke helps you fulfil that.” Hinata came in and hugged Naruto so aggressively as though trying to find some security in Naruto’s arms.

Naruto let go off Hinata and wiped away a tear that escaped the corner of her eye. “Thank you, to the both of you…truly, thank you.”

Sakura and Hinata looked at each other and smiled and then looked back at Naruto with the same warm expression.

“But are you guys as shocked as I am? Because I did not see this coming.” Naruto said whilst looking at his new shiny band on his finger.

Sakura started laughing and Hinata followed, “not really, I am pretty sure everyone in the village knew besides you Naruto.” Naruto looked at them like he was desperate for answers, “If you want the mastermind behind this go ask our crazy sensei.” Sakura said as she pointed to Kakashi which had overheard and was already scurrying away in fear.

Naruto walked over to Kakashi with such a large pout on his face, “so... oh wise teacher, please tell me how making me think Sasuke was leaving me, leads to a good engagement story, huh?”

Kakashi chuckled like he was in trouble, “well... you see, I thought if we made you think he was leaving for good that the engagement would be more of a surprise and it was, was it not?”

Naruto gave Kakashi an angered look , but he was right, he didn’t see this coming in a million years.

“ Why is everything so complicated with you Kakashi?”

Kakashi just smiled innocently. “Hey, Sasuke was totally on board, I didn’t even have to convince him, he thought it was hilarious.”

Sasuke had overheard their conversation and also started to bolt away.

“Oh no you don’t mister come back here right now!” Naruto pointed Sasuke forward. And grudgingly like a kid in trouble Sasuke obeyed.

Naruto crossed his arms like he was a disappointed parent “so, care to tell me the whole story?”

“Fine… you know how we had that big fight before I left?”

Naruto nodded, pursing his lips like it still hurt to think about it.

“Well when we were over there in the Mist, I saw a lot of shit Naruto, families torn apart, people taken from their love ones forever and in the haze of blood shed I realized I couldn’t afford to lose you. I decided then and there that when I came back I wanted to marry you. It was only after the immediate threat had passed  and we started the evacuations and rebuilding  the city did I told Kakashi  about my plans about wanting to send you a message that I wanted to marry you. He told me no, instead to seem like I was still angry and make you believe I was leaving, so when I actually asked for your hand in marriage it would come as a giant surprise. . I thought it was kind of cruel at first but after a few drinks I thought it was hilarious and went along with Kakashi’s plans.”

Naruto looked at him with disbelief, “you two are basically children.  What am I going to do with you guys?”

Both Kakashi and Sasuke started to chuckle, “it was evil, but it did its job, you did not see it coming.”

Naruto smiled, “that’s true, but it doesn’t mean I still won’t  kill you both.”

Kakashi’s eyes widened, “well I didn’t account for that, so I will be running now, good luck Sasuke, you can’t run away you live here.” Kakashi quickly bolted to the trees and away from Naruto.

Sasuke looked at Naruto with a scared smile, “have sympathy oh lord Hokage.”

Naruto came forward seductively and pulled Sasuke in close by the waist, “there will be no sympathy, Naruto leaned in to capture Sasuke in a deep kiss, suddenly craving something much more, something he hadn't had in so long.

“Can you guys not.” Konohamaru said behind them, “gross”.

Naruto laughed as he let go off Sasuke, “your face is gross.”

“Well let’s fight this out then old man.”

Naruto proceeded to pretend he was throwing shuriken at Konohamaru, making weird ninja swishing noises as he did so. Konohamaru pretended to dodge and flip around the attacks, “you will never catch me, ass wipe.”

Naruto smiled at Konohamaru who still acted like a kid even though he was an adult now.

He saw Himawari and Boruto run up to him, “dad!” Himawari screamed as she tackled her dad to the ground. , “congratulations papa!”

Naruto smiled and  smothered Himawari in kisses, “thank you my angel.” He  looked at Boruto who had his arms crossed. Boruto looked at his father with a struggling expression on his face as though attempting to say something. Naruto reached t out his hand to request Boruto to bump  fist with him.

He waited for a second and Boruto grudgingly replied back by bumping his fist in return, “congrats dad.” Naruto felt like a huge wave of happiness past through him, “thank you son, it really means a lot.”

“Hmph.” Boruto turned around not wanting to act all mushy, but Naruto was able to catch a glimpse of the small smile he allowed to surface on his face.

 In  the midst of being attacked by a giant bear  hug by Himawari, Naruto  saw Sasuke walk away towards someone, he couldn’t see who. Himawari kept getting in the way.

“Sweety do you want to go play with Akamaru?”

“Yes, let’s go daddy, can I ride on your back?”

“Sure, hop on the train express.”

As Naruto chugged forward pretending to be a train, he tried to eye Sasuke from a far, seeing him speak to someone. He crept forwards towards Kiba and Akamaru  who thankfully were near Sasuke anyways.

As he got closer and closer, Sasuke started to get down in his knees..  It was there in that moment that Naruto’s heart completely paused. That solid few seconds would be engraved in his mind for the rest of his life.

It was there in the woods, under the moon and the stars that he saw Sasuke, softly crying as he hugged his daughter Sarada. He could see Sasuke mouth the words, thank you.

If Naruto could love this man even more, then today, this moment would make him fall completely head over heels for him.

Naruto started to tear up slightly, he smiling and stared at  the floor, hoping no one would see him.

“Daddy why are you crying?”

“No Himawari, these are happy tears.”

“Oh, do you want teddy to wipe them off?”

Naruto chuckled lightly, “yes please.” Naruto turned his head, so Himawari could reach over and wipe Naruto’s tears away with her teddy.

-

Naruto would remember that  night for the rest of his life, he would remember sharing drinks, laughter and joy with his friends and family over the unison of him and Sasuke. Everything would have been perfect from now on till the wedding he hoped.

But unfortunately, the year to follow would not be an easy one, for changing the system in Konoha to allow for Gay marriage was going to be tougher than Naruto had anticipated. .

-

*6 months before the wedding*

Naruto was pacing back and forth, going from one end of the room to the next.

He was beyond fuming and he could see Kakashi in the corner of his eye telling him to calm down, but simmering down at this point would be null, he was already on his breaking point.

“I don’t understand your backwards way of thinking. Can you for once give me a good  fucking reason why we cannot legalize it? Because all the reasons I’m hearing right now are absolute bullshit.”

One of the male elders aggressively stood up, “that is no way to speak to the panel of elders, Naruto. I would watch your language if I were  you.”

“What for? If you are going to consider me scum of the society, then I shall do the same for you.”

Naruto could see Kakashi palm his head in response to the way he  was acting.

“Naruto, I have already explained, we do not approve because it goes against tradition, and what  kind of advisors would we be if we did not protect ancient tradition?”

Naruto started steaming from his ears, his blood pumping at a rapid rate, “you mean the traditions that allowed young ninjas to be treated as test subjects? Do you mean the traditions that allowed the segregation of an entire clan? Is this the traditions you so wish to keep?”

The elders  looked baffled, as though they were stuck in his own mind trying to figure out how to respond.

“Tell me elders!”

“No.” The main elder said whilst sitting down in defeat.

“Exactly, the old traditions are outdated.  I was appointed Hokage because the people trust my judgement, can’t you see that this is for all of Konoha, not just me. Don’t you think it’s unfair to all those who can’t marry because of stupid tradition?”

“But it’s just not pure, it’s a sin and a monstrosity.”

Naruto started to look at the elder who said that with such hurt in his eyes, he wasn’t even angry but sorry for them all. How they could be so stuck in traditions that they didn’t look at human value. “Look elder Mai, if I were to tell you that your grandson was gay and he was in love with another boy, what would you do?”

She looked at Naruto and couldn’t say a word, she just had her mouth open, unable to produce any form of sound.

“Everyone in this room, think about your grandkids, your daughters, sons, neighbours and friends, someone is gay. Just imagine saying to someone you love that they are not allowed to marry someone they cherish because of some old tradition that should have been taken down a long time ago.”

Naruto took a long breath   to calm himself, “really think about it, imagine yourself saying the words, you are a monster to your grandchild, imagine the look of hurt, pain and sadness on their faces.”

The elders looked at each other with concerned faces, they looked like they were experiencing the pain themselves.

Naruto pushed his chest forward and walked confidently forward to the front of the conference room, “we have been debating this issue for nearly 3 months now and I say this as Hokage, I am not afraid of change and I will not stand here waiting patiently for you to finally realize you are wrong, so either you are willing to except the future or you can stay behind.”

Naruto cracked his neck for the next words, “but I will not tolerate those who decide to stay behind, so If you wish to get up and leave the panel of advisors, I would do so, if I were you. Because from today onwards, I will not tolerate for this nonsense, you are my advisors because I trust in your judgment, but if your judgement is clouded in hate and wrongfulness then you are no better than Danzo and I will not blink an eye to kick you off the panel. So, choose wisely, those in favour may stay, those who disagree may go.”

Everyone looked around in shock and disbelief as to what they just heard. Naruto was never one to use his position as Hokage, but today he was not going to tolerate it anymore. He was sick of hearing he was disgusting and that what he was doing was wrong for 3 months, today he stood proud. They could either follow him or not, but he wasn’t going to be pushed around anymore.  And if everyone went against him, then he didn’t want to be Hokage anymore, because he refused to be the head of such a rotten system and panel of advisors.

Kakashi was also looking at Naruto in disbelief in the corner of the room, but his eyes also shined with pride for his Hokage, it took guts to do what Naruto just did, because he could be ultimately kicked out of the job if all the elders went against him.

It was undecided, everyone was still murmuring to each other, contemplating what to do.  One of the gentlemen that was going against Naruto quickly got up and stormed out. Before he left the room, he turned to face Naruto, “I cannot support this system Naruto, old tradition will always be better. It’s what binds us to be humble, if we stray from the path we fall into hell.”

“As you wish, Elder Sun Yu.”

Naruto looked at everyone else who seemed to be confused.

“Will the rest of you leave as well or will you make the smart choice and follow me into a brighter future?”

Mai stood up again, “Naruto, I apologies, you are not a monster, I spoke out of anger… you are right, I could never say those words to my grandson, I will follow you.”

Naruto smiled, feeling his heart warm up slightly.

“I too will follow Naruto”

“Me too.”

“May you lead us into the future.”

Naruto’s smile was as wide a beam, he couldn’t believe after so many months of debating, it took one courage’s and job threatening speech to convince them. He was glad that it was Sun Yu who left, he was always against Naruto, never agreeing, stuck in his traditional and out-dated ways.

“May you all continue to guide me in the future.”

Kakashi started applauding in the back and then everyone followed, Naruto looked at the room and smiled. He knew that legalizing gay marriage was only the beginning t so much more needed to be fixed  in Konoha, and he realized he couldn’t be scared anymore, he needed to confront the elders about every issue that stained Konoha and changed the village for the better.

That day he would also remember, because if he didn’t put his job on the line he wouldn’t be standing in this white paradise today walking towards Sasuke.

-

*Wedding day- current time*

Naruto smiled, tears forming in the corners of his eyes as he looked into Sasuke’s black dreamy eyes.

Sasuke had never been one to show emotions, but that day, their wedding day, he had shed the extinct version of himself and just let go. On that day, there were no more walls, there was no reason to hide. The many feelings and emotions he had bottled inside since his early teens were finally are released. . His tears were falling quickly and freely. His smile was bright in the presence of his future. On this day Sasuke found  the peace he had longed for since he feel into darkness. It was in that white washed wedding that the sun and bright shine from Naruto had finally painted over everlast black stain that lingered in Sasuke’s soul. He wasn’t scared anymore, to cry, to laugh and smile, he was truly happy, and it was all due to this blonde headed man which smiled at him so lovingly, blue eyes sparkling with joy, looking at his love.

-FLASHBACK-

*5 months before the wedding*

“Naruto for Christ sake, its just flowers, will you just pick one already?”

Naruto fumbled over a pile of flowers, still unsure which ones he likes the most.

“Sasuke don’t pressure my process.”

Sasuke let out an irritating sigh, “Naruto, I love you. But right now, I also want to chidori your face into the ground, we have been here for over an hour, just pick the roses or something, we still have cakes to go decide, and then go over the decorations with the wedding planner, seriously Naruto.”

Naruto pouted, “fine… I'll have the…hmm, roses and lavender…on second thought no, the roses and the lilies.” Naruto smiled in triumph, “happy, grumpy ass?”

“Delighted. Okay, let’s go it's cake picking time.”

Naruto jumped on the spot, “this is going to be the best, I love cake.”

“I know you do, because you ate the entire sample cake last night.”

“I was stress eating okay! It’s because you are stressing the bride, I blame you.”

“Oh, my god. I am slightly regretting asking you to marry me, is it still too late to run out of the village?”

Naruto shot Sasuke an evil glare, “you are mean to me, I am the Hokage, I’ll just order everyone to go get you.”

Sasuke let out a huff, “just keep walking we are already late.”

“Race you there my dear fiance.” Naruto increased his chakra flow to his legs and feet and quickly bounced off the ground towards the roof tops, with each swift push forwards he could sense the warm and powerful energy of chakra flow in his legs. He thought he had Sasuke, but in a flash, he saw him whiz past with lighting streaks exuding out of his body.

“SHOW OFF!’

“Slow poke!”

-

*Wedding day- current time*

Naruto chuckled under his breath, whilst the Celebrant kept rambling on about loves true power, and how it binds us all.

“What are you laughing about?” Sasuke whispered as to not interrupt the Celebrant.

“Just remembering the day, I made you do two hours of cake sampling and one  hour of floral choices.”

Sasuke looked at Naruto with a very unimpressed face, “yes that was annoying.”

Naruto chuckled whilst smiling at Sasuke, looking at his hair flow slowly with the breeze that rushed by. His lips rose as he smirked back at Naruto, rosy cheeks that softly painted pink tones on such porcelain skin. His deep black eyes looked into blue ones with such love. Those eyes stared into Naruto’s soul, knowing that Naruto was feeling the exact same way.

“And now I will ask for the exchange of vows.”

Naruto nervously scrunched his hands, his throat felt like it was starting to clench in response to his nerves flexing in his entire body. He took a deep breath in and out and closed his eyes for just a moment to calm himself. He felt soft hands wrap around his.

He jolted his eyes up and looked at Sasuke’s hands securing  his, he smiled at Naruto, and in that moment Naruto knew he could do this.

“I Naruto Uzumaki, Lord 7th of Konoha, hereby vow to love and protect Sasuke Uchiha for the rest of my life. , I vow here and now that the Uchiha crest will forever be a symbol associated to Konoha and its strength and unity will shine bright alongside the Uzumaki crest.” Naruto struggled to get the next words out, he forcibly gulped down a ball of anxiety forming in his throat.

“I Naruto Uzumaki believe that Sasuke is worthy of this title because…”

Naruto started to choke on his own words, emotions finally starting to get the best of him, “he has not only been a pivotal point in helping the Hokage get better but he also has been the soul reason the Hokage is standing here today, alive and happy. I Naruto respect, love and find this man more than fit of the title, as Hokage I thank him for the outstanding work he has down for the people in this village, and as his soon to be husband, I want to thank him for bringing color back into my life and helping me stand proud as Hokage. Because behind me, the hokage will always be Sasuke Uchiha and for that I believe his name and his family crest should be as important as mine.” Naruto took a deep breath out and smiled at Sasuke ever so softly, only letting one or two tears fall down before trying to collect himself again.

Sasuke’s eyes widened in disbelief from what he was hearing. He had no idea Naruto was going to say these vows, what did he mean by his family crest being a symbol associated to Konoha?

*FLASH BACK*

*3 months before the wedding*

Naruto looked at the plane white piece of paper in front of him, he just stared at it, like he was at some war with this innocent piece of paper. His forehead was creased  with stress and his constant tapping of his pencil against his desk could be heard from out the street.

“Will you stop fucking tapping that pencil Naruto? You are going to drive me insane.”

“Kakashi, it helps me focus.”

“What the fuck are you working on?” Kakashi grumbled as he stood up to look at what Naruto had on his desk.

“I don’t get it, it’s a blank piece of paper?”

Naruto looked at him with anger in his eyes, “I know that , these are meant to be my vows, I just can’t think of the right thing to say.”

Kakashi looked at him with worrying eyes, “oh, well… uh, tell him you love him and that… uh… he is a good ninja?”

Naruto started to hit his head against the table, “a good ninja? Really? My god, you are one million times worse than me, and that’s saying something.”

Kakashi started to grumpily walk back to his desk which was in the corner of the Hokage’s office now. “Look, I’m not good with mushy stuff Naruto, just make sure it actually comes from your heart, don’t just say typical bullshit, actually write things you mean. When you make a vow, it’s a promise. So, make promises you will keep.”

“Wow, that was actually useful, thanks Kakashi.”

“Glad I could help, now stop with the fucking tapping.”

Naruto got out from behind his desk  and went out the door with an idea in his head.

“Where are you going? We still have this contract to finish.”

Naruto was racing down the corridor as he screamed back at Kakashi in the room, “You gave me an idea, I'll be back later. Finish the contract yourself.”

Kakashi mumbled angrily under his breath, “thinks he can boss me around, hmph, if I stayed Hokage I could boot the little shit out of here.”

“Did you say something?” Naruto said from the far away distance

“Nope.”

-

*Wedding day- Current time*

“Naruto what do you mean about the Uchiha crest what are you talking about?”

Naruto smiled cheekily, “well 3 months ago when I started writing your vows, someone made me realize I should only make promises I could keep.”

Naruto quickly glanced at Kakashi who was chuckling under his breath.

“And so, I basically joined our family trees, it took me a very long time. But I guess being the Hokage has its perks, so you are now officially one of the head leaders in Konoha.  This means the Uchiha crest along side the Uzumaki crest will be symbols of pride, strength, wealth and power within Konoha and thus the entire world.

Sasuke looked at Naruto like he was going crazy, “but Naruto, you’re only doing this because you're marrying me, you have no right to do that. I don’t deserve the title, I…”

“Sasuke calm yourself, just because I am the   Hokage doesn't mean I decided this on my own.   You do realize that becoming a top leader in Konoha means you must have the majority vote from everybody in the village right?”

Sasuke started to look around at all the guest, he couldn’t believe that the village voted him into this position.

Sakura looked at Sasuke with a warm smile and a small tear falling down her face. She stood up and started walking towards Sasuke.

“This was Naruto’s and the whole villages surprise to you. Come out everyone.”

The little kids from the ninja academy started coming out in their ninja uniform. Typical green jackets with the Uzumaki crest on the top right corner of their jackets. Sasuke had no idea what was happening, but his heart was not ready for what he would see next.

“Turn around kids.”

The kids started turning around, and there it was, proudly sitting directly in the centre of the jackets, an Uchiha crest. Burning bright red for the entire world to see.

“Starting  next week these vest will be worn by every shinobi and training ninja. So, when we represent Konoha outside these walls, the Uchiha crest will be as visible as the Uzumaki crest.”

Sasuke looked at Naruto in disbelief, his eyes started burning red, tears forming rapidly in the corner of his eyes.

“Thank you, Naruto.” Sasuke walked forward and took Naruto into a passionate kiss. He didn’t care that they were not up to that part of the ceremony, he needed Naruto to know how much he felt for him. He needed his lips to show Naruto how grateful he was, that he was forever in debt to this man from saving him from darkness, from saving his family name burning into a crisp alongside with Sasuke.

The audience started to applause, and cheers starting beckoning from the crowd.

“Ahem…” The Celebrant cough under his breath.

“Sorry, please continue.” Naruto said whilst laughing under his breath.

“We shall continue then…”-

After continuing with their vowes the Celebrant continued with the rest of the ceremony.

“Do you Naruto take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, till death do you part?”

“I do.” Naruto said whilst choking up from all the feelings which were swelling up in his throat.

“Do you Sasuke take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, till death do you part?”

Sasuke breathed out slowly and smiled softly and looked at Naruto like he was his entire world “I do.”

“With the power vested in me, I now pronounce you, Husband and Husband, you may kiss your groom.”

Naruto smiled so widely, and for the first time in his life, he kissed his Husband. Many kisses would follow after, but that first kiss as newly weds will be the one that both Naruto and Sasuke will remember on their deathbeds. It will be this moment, under the radiating sun, under fire trees and in a sea of applause and cheers that they will remember forever. How it felt to kiss his Husband, how it felt to kiss the man he would spend the rest of his living days with. And by god, was it not the most amazing kiss he had ever had. It was a kiss never forgotten.

Because that kiss would lead him to the next part of his life with Sasuke by his side. Together they will change Konoha for the better, but not only Konoha but  the world too. . Sasuke and Naruto would be considered some of the most influential and powerful ninjas in their world, with their teachings and guidance they would not only change Konoha but many other villages.

Till their dying days, the teachings of Naruto and Sasuke lived on throughout many others, their values of nurturing ninjas and creating a world without war, were peace is achieved by all villages and no child or person is expected to lay down their lives for the betterment of a village. Where people were not shunned or hidden for their differences and everyone was as equal as each other.

But even as bright as the sun may shine, darkness will follow. And with that darkness, light will shine a new.

A balance which is always occurring. But it is with Naruto’s and Sasuke’s teachings and guidance, that a hero will always rise against that darkness and will re-shine light onto the world once again.

-

Naruto and Sasuke spent the rest of their 50 years together, raising Boruto, Himawari and Sarada together, who all now act as main pillars in Konoha. Sasuke’s last words before his untimely death at 82 where proudly beautiful and where carried out perfectly by Naruto, who followed through with every single one of his dyeing wishes.

-

*10 minutes before Sasuke’s death*

“Naruto, my dear, .” Sasuke raised his frail hand to Naruto’s face. Opening his eyes as wide as he could to look into crystal blue eyes, “you look as beautiful as you did on our wedding day.”

Naruto smiled, “I’ve aged a bit since then I think. I could still take you in a match back then.”

Sasuke starting laughing, but his lungs couldn’t keep up, he starting coughing heavily, body slowly starting to shut down.

“Don’t push yourself, Sasuke. Your too ill to be laughing.”

“Listen Naruto, it will be my time to go soon.”

Naruto looked at him with utter pain in his eyes, “no Sasuke please. The doctor will be here soon, you will be fine, you will see.”

Sasuke softly smiled with the little energy he had left, “always optimistic my dear, but please my darling listen, I need you to know that you have made me the happiest man in this world and when I die, I want you to understand that you have given me a life I never knew I could have before. When we were younger, you saved me Naruto, it was you from the beginning, no one else. It was always you. Please continue our alliance and make sure our teachings of a better world are spread Naruto, make sure no child has to suffer the way we did as kids. Please promise me?”

Naruto started to tear up as he held onto Sasuke’s small and nearly lifeless hand. “I will I promise, but that’s no way to speak, you will live my dear, you will.”

Sasuke knew it was time, he could feel it, his lungs started slowing down and his heart beats started decreasing. “You will forever be my sun, thank you Naruto for showing me the light. I love you, I always have, since I was a little boy. I have always loved you.” Sasuke’s eyes started to close, until finally his hand went completely limp.

“Sasuke, no! No! No! No!” Naruto started to cry heavily as he embraced his departed husband. “Please, Sasuke, wake up… I’m not ready… Please.”

-

In the next couple of years after Sasuke’s death, Naruto would spend all his time and energy into making sure he fulfilled Sasuke’s wishes. And it wasn’t till he was 102 did Naruto finally die in his sleep peacefully, dreaming of his husband Sasuke.

The last thing Naruto remembered before blackness took over was when he and Sasuke were young and newly in love. He remembered the slow dance in the bar surrounded by his friends and family, he remembered the first time they kissed as a dare and he remembered the first time he told Sasuke he loved him. It all came back to him that night.

-

And it was Sasuke who was there waiting for him, when he opened his eyes to a white heaven. He was right there in a garden, flowers so colourful, sky shining so brightly,  . He was smiling as bright as the moon on a dark night.

“Naruto I’ve been waiting for you.”

Naruto started to smile, “come here!”

Naruto ran towards Sasuke, realizing he had his old strength back, his fit muscles strode him forward to his youthful partner, he jumped into Sasuke’s arms and leaned in for a deep kiss, a kiss he so longed for.   

“I’ve missed you.”

“I’ve missed you even more.” Sasuke replied softly.

Naruto and Sasuke hugged for what felt like hours, not wanted to let go, hugging each other like it had been years, and for Naruto it had been years. They both cried into each-others strong embrace, letting tears float down softly onto the ground. The sun shined brightly on the scene, and the soft wind whistled past. Finally two men, more like two puzzle pieces re-joined, and everything seemed brighter, and the world once again felt balanced.

Naruto pulled away for only a moment to look at Sasuke as he knew him when he was 28, he couldn’t believe he had him in his arms. He quickly went forward wanted to kiss Sasuke one million times to make up for 20 years of missing half of his heart.

“I love you.” Naruto said.

“I love you more.” Sasuke said.

-

It seemed as though as they kissed the flowers grew and the more they smiled the brighter things got. And it was strange, that even though they were no longer alive, precisely the moment Sasuke and Naruto touched in the afterlife, people on earth could have sworn they saw the sun shine a little brighter, the flowers on earth shine colours so beautifully day and at night, the sky was lit with many more stars and the moon seemed like it was illuminating against the dark sky canvas.

-

The end

I want to thank you for reading and finishing A KISS NEVER FORGOTTEN. 

It was a long wait for this too finish, but i am so glad you stuck it out till the end. 

FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART THANK YOU FOR READING XX

LOTS OF LOVE FROM ME XXX 

I hope you continue to follow my other stories xx

[lyricalt]

2017 fic round up + annual fic meme

It’s that time again, folks. Let’s see the damage.

THE LIST

*drabble/stuff under 1k words +wip

Boku No Hero Academia

Tell - inatodo

Destiny

hardcase* - implied andal brask/cayde-6

a code of you - original character: sol-6

Gamble* - andal brask/Cayde-6

Integrate

got a feel for you* - post-canon seep - pre-canon

Overwatch

R76

feel something*

21

Fourth Date Stuff

Prompt: cut*

punchline

GEN / MISC.

a priori - time travel, Reaper&Gabriel Reyes

gift for gift - gen - Reaper, Widowmaker, Ana Amari, Jack Morrison (mentioned)

all his cards you want to touch - Jesse McCree (Vigilante)/Jesse McCree (Riverboat)

cross your heart and hope - Destiny AU: has mcgenji, implied r76. Too lazy to link to individual pieces on ao3, so I only linked the ones only on tumblr.

Showteam+

Trigger happy

of all just fools - Destiny 2 AU

MCGENJI

not far from home vantage make you sway Prompt: rainy day* Prompt: surprise* must be love cut* devil gave me a crooked start down and doubt - (background implied r76) on your mark+ - AU where genji is a motorcycle and mccree is a mechanic. serial never had much faith (in love or miracles)* Carry case of six wake up calls: 1, 2, 3 Beach drabbles: 1, 2, 3 like you would to a point, to your knees damned if you do - incubus mccree/oni genji sun steel / soul intersect count to three triple threat+ Prompt: kiss on the back of the hand* 

Total number of completed stories: 33, excluding drabbles and some prompts. 

Total word count: AO3 stats say around 56,500. I’ll ballpark it 60,000.

Looking back, did you write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you’d predicted? 

 I wrote more words and more fic this year, but a bunch of it were very short stories! Shorter than my usual, I think. I am also very in love with the Destiny AU so I think that had a lot to do with my high word count. I also wrote a lot on the side I never posted, ahaha. I think I was very distracted this year by too many fandoms/ideas. Ah well.

What pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted in January? 

Nah. I’m predictable. I’m still side-eyeing the genji-as-a-motorcycle AU though. I did that?

What’s your own favorite story of the year? Not the most popular, but the one that makes you happiest? 

 CARRY. It was Carry. I loved writing that stupid fic. It was so dumb but I feel so vindictive and about it because I wrote it to have fun and also to express some exasperation about a couple of mcgnj tropes I felt were kinda not-my-thing. BUT!! it makes me happy that a lot of other people enjoyed it too and also @vfordii drew THIS.

Did you take any writing risks this year? What did you learn from them? 

 I don’t feel like I took any huge risks. I am pretty comfortable with the subject matter I write (--though I think it’s more of a matter of motivation and sticking to it). I, uh, did write some bottom/sub mccree which is somehow not all that popular within the mcgenji fandom and let me tell you this was hugely a case of “if no one will write it then I will but I will complain about it for the entire time”. I wouldn’t consider it a risk though, but I did learn a bit about how to comfortably write dirty talk without needing it to be explicitly written. I don’t think it shows up a lot in my current fics but I’ve been taking note of what sounds right to me vs how much I want to write, if that makes sense.

Also for the record all my mcgnj fic is implied sexual dynamic sub/bottom mccree, like, in the case it ever happens. (I’m kidding. Or am I. I am. (Not really.) No, I’m dead serious.)

Do you have any fanfic or profic goals for the New Year? 

 Finish the damn fics I start, why don’t I!!!!! (This is a constant goal.)

I do want to write some fandom stories for original characters. I also want to write more explicit fic without shaming myself out of it. What are the nastywords all the hip young adults are using nowadays? I don’t know and I get conflicting reports, but by god I will try to learn.

My best story of this year 

Hardcase, which is admittedly a small drabble but I think.. it holds very well under Destiny 2, despite my frustration with how Cayde is portrayed in comparison to the Destiny 1. I’ve always had this specific opinion about Cayde and his mysterious (and not so mysterious) agendas. Dude definitely has a hero complex and this fic sorta toes into it. Plus, I like any Cayde angst related to Andal.

I feel like, out of all my fics this felt the most complete, and one that I was most satisfied with what I wanted to convey with a limited amount of words. I’m aware that I’m not… really made for longer stories, so I guess… I like to play to my strengths? And this was it.

My most popular story 

 According to AO3 hits and kudos, it was make you sway, another mcgenji fic that started with the same motivation as carry. I think.. it’s obvious… that I, uh, like writing a specific brand of Horny McCree, in that he’s not so much embarrassed by his attraction to Genji but just slightly exasperated by it (and his timing). And, haha, also Genji not being 100% on top of his libido is a nice change of pace too. I remember having fun with this!!

Story of mine most under-appreciated, in my opinion

feel something is one I’m super fond of. It’s very short, but I feel like it’s my best r76 fic in terms of the relationship I want to portray, especially post-Overwatch. I like the way I wrote it; in my opinion it was very to-the-point, and doesn’t have the happy ending they don’t quite deserve (yet) but in my mind it’s still a very positive fic without being too idealistic? Not that either way is bad, it was just something different for me, personally.

Most fun story to write

devil gave me a crooked start was a fic I pulled right outta my ass but wrote it all in one sitting after I came up with a couple of lines of dialogue; “So I’m stuck in the future,” “Would you like to know the future you?”, etc etc. It helped that Blizzard had just released McCree’s Blackwatch skin (WITH THE BLACK LEATHER CHAPS!!!!) and while I wasn’t comfortable about Blackwatch Genji having any sort of romantic relationship with Blackwatch McCree, I was sure as heck willing for Present-Day!Genji having some good nasty fun with a younger McCree.

Also I had a stupid amount of fun writing triple threat: genji/genji/genji, and I’m now just seeing a pattern that I enjoy writing characters being humorously turned on and having fun getting their rocks off, so there’s that. What a revelation.

Most Sexy Story 

God im sorry but I wrote a mcgenji week drabble about blackwatch genji and mccree beating the shit out of each other and it’s the opposite of romantic and definitely not meant to BE romantic, but fighting can be sexy without being horny, right?? RIGHT???

Story with the single sexiest moment 

to a point, to your knees.  

It takes a huge effort for McCree to sit still after that, spine tingling and heat crawling over his body. The switchblade knife in Genji’s hand spins once in a little flourish, drawing McCree’s gaze to it. 

 His attention caught, Genji places the blade at his thumb and forefinger. He slides the knife between them once to no effect, then another time. McCree can hear the grating metal against each other and then the hiss of steam, knife edge still wet with spit from when McCree had held it on his tongue. 

 “Shall we see how sharp your mouth is now?” Genji asks, running the knife through his fingers once last time.

Genji sharpening McCree’s knife with his fingers and McCree getting hot (literally, metaphorically) and bothered by it is a personal achievement. For me or McCree, that’s up for debate.

Though I have to admit I’m absolutely still pissed about not titling the fic “cut to the feeling” instead because that’s a far better name for a knife kink fic an also my third favorite carly rae jepsen song.

Most “holy crap, that’s wrong, even for you” story 

 I don’t think anyone was surprised about even my most wildest fic. I think a friend of mine was initially disappointed that the knife kink fic was tagged for “mild blood” instead of straight up bloodplay. I’m sorry.

Story that shifted my own perceptions of the characters

I never quite like this question because I always have a good idea of how I want to portray a character in fic since most of my fics tend to lean on the introspective side of things. down and doubt is a very McCree-centered fic that deals with Gabriel, as well as Genji in relation to Gabriel. I wanted to show a lot of things about how McCree and Genji fight together, and what each of them thinks about the whole Gabriel Reyes = Reaper thing. I didn’t hit all the points, and I unfortunately had to scrub a scene off that I definitely want to rework in another fic, but I think I had the basics… present in the fic. I guess what did surprise me was touching on Soldier: 76, though the dynamics between him and McCree is another thing I want to write about for a later fic.

Hardest story to write 

  Intersect , mostly because the later half was such a visual story I had wanted to tell in a form that wasn’t all writing. I think It would have done better as a comic but what can u do? I still very much like the first half, which I had rattling in my head for the last year and a half, really.

I was aiming to write about McCree having hang-ups about Genji, and how he views himself—a washed out mercenary with no clear goals, in comparison to Genji, who’s off in a better headspace than him but still interested in McCree anyway. And it’s not so much a reunion fic I wanted to show but a story where it’s just ok to try and reacquaint yourselves with someone who might be a new person to you. I think. I very much did not want it to be a reunion fic.

Most disappointing 

 Intersect!!!!!!!! It was so jumpy!!!! I had a lot of expectations for it!!!! I wanted it to be so much!!!! In the end I just gave up trying to make the words all fit and banged out the rest of the story and let it go. I’m still upset it didn’t come out the way I wanted it but I think it was better to just post the damn thing rather than let it rot in my drive forever. I felt better for posting it but I don’t think I can reread it anytime soon.

Easiest story to write 

 I lot of fics that fall into this category were the drabbles like Wake Up Calls. I really like writing about mundane moments and little glimpses of a developing relationship, especially for mcgenji, because my headcanon of them consists of a bunch of little moments that somehow build up into a rolling romance that sneaks up on both of them. I think it’s why I have such a hard time writing one long cohesive fic about them. There just isn’t a Big Ah-Ha Moment for them to me? I guess? I guess. I’m rambling!!

Biggest surprise 

 That I continued the mcgenji motorcycle AU, honestly. I love it to pieces and it’s fun but god do I think it’s such a chore writing the build up leading to the parts I WANT to write in the first place!!!!!

Most unintentionally telling story 

  gift for gift started out as a very Gabriel Reyes-centric story but somehow I got passionate about Widowmaker and so it’s also very much about her as well and how she functions within her lack of autonomy. I wanted to explore Gabriel’s motivations/drive to push forward without mentioning just what, exactly, he was going for, which was surprisingly very easy.

Story I’d like to revise

Intersect, not so much revising it but revisiting some of the themes and concepts, especially about McCree. I’ve talked enough about this fic. Anyway.

Story I didn’t write but will at some point, I swear 

 Well. It’s more of a WIP at this stage but I want to write my epic 100k, 50 chaptered Guardian/Fallen romance fic for Destiny but we’ll see how that goes? Mostly I’m waiting on Bungie because I’m so dry on Bungie lore and I have no idea what the House of Dusk is up to and that’s kinda important to my story—which is, not really at all, but I would LIKE to make sure.

Anyway, that’s a wrap for my 2017 fics. Thanks for reading and all the encouragement! I hope to write more entertaining stories for 2018!! :’)

[zoebechtle-blog]

Unlikely Chapter 4

Despite my throbbing head, Friday flew by. I tried not to check my phone every 38 seconds, but failed. I wanted him to text me, but he had to do it first. I don’t play by “The Rules” usually (hmmmm, given my dating history, maybe I should try) but out of sheer anxiety I never call or text first. It doesn’t mean that I don’t bite my nails while waiting, however. And more than once I’ve basically bitten a whole finger off waiting for a message that never came. I tried to distract myself at work by helping in the office in between appointments, explaining some procedures to Rose’s replacement (I’m sure telling her the total wrong thing). At lunch I decided to take a walk to occupy myself, but ended up sitting in the tea shop seven doors down eating a chocolate croissant and sipping Earl Grey. I was wearing ballet flats - there’s simply not enough arch support for a walk. Plus, my afternoon appointments didn’t need to see me sweaty. It was in the best interest of my patients. I was a woman of the people.

That evening Carly and I went to see Kinky Boots on the West End. It was my favorite and Carly had gotten box seats through someone at work. We sang like ninnies throughout the show, laughing and carrying on. Afterwards we hit a swank gastro-pub she’d heard about. As we settled in and were chatting about our days, she dropped the bomb I knew she’d been dying to ask, “So, Niall?”

“Nope.” I rolled my eyes at her.

“Yep. Spill.”

“Well yes, young Niall. He’s a friend of a friend. Perhaps you’ve noticed him at quiz night. Blonde thing, Irish?”

Biting into the olive in her martini, she stuck her tongue out at me. “Seems like he’s more than a friend of a friend. You two were almost snogging last night.”

“I was just playing with his hair. It was innocent. I do that to Paulie all the time.”

“Paul doesn’t practically drool on your boobs when you play with his hair. And he doesn’t look that cozy, either.”

“Stop.”

“Z,” she started. “He rea-...”

“No, Carly. I said stop.” I knew my irritation was evident. I had no poker face - anything I thought or felt was always on display. “Listen, he’s really nice and all the other stuff. But it’s nothing. NOTHING.” She tried to interrupt and I held up my hand. “Don’t. I will not get my hopes up. Because every time someone shows me interest I get a little excited, and I am not doing that anymore. It never ends well, and I’m not putting myself through it again. Remember Adam?” I took a long drink of my martini (Ketel One, extra dirty) and stared at her.

“Right. He was a dick.”

“He was a dick who lead me on for two months and then Aaron found out he had a girlfriend in Leeds. And before him there was Sam, and, um, Robbie. In college there was Dave. High school was Sean. And Kyle The Worst.  I’m not doing it. Short of Niall Horan tattooing my name on his ass, I will not believe this is anything more than friendship.” For emphasis, I smacked my hand on the table, startling the tables around us. I eyeballed people who were looking, and stuck my tongue out at a kid about 7 who was staring. Like a sensible human being, he stuck his back out at me.

I’d been unable to get over my hissy fit with Carly, so we called it a night after one drink and no dinner. She hugged me outside of the pub. “Sorry, Z. I didn’t mean to upset you. But don’t shut him down. Friend or whatever, I think he’d be a good guy to keep around.” I nodded at her and hugged her back. I wasn’t mad at her really - she said the same things I would have said if the tables were turned. But Carly didn’t have my history with men, so she couldn’t understand where I was coming from. Sigh. I dug around my purse and found an emergency Valium in my container of miscellaneous pills, swallowing it as the cab sped towards my flat.

I slept late Saturday and Sunday mornings (okay, I sleep late every weekend) and ran errands. I’d begrudgingly let Hannah talk me into hot yoga on the condition that we got pancakes afterwards. I spent the rest of my free time on laundry, had dinner and wine at one of the other therapist’s in my office’s house, and caught up on paperwork. My friends all avoided any mention of Niall - I was assuming Carly had made everyone aware of my meltdown Friday night and they were tiptoeing around me. I was okay with that, though. I didn’t post on Instagram, but went on a few rants on Twitter. Nothing exciting happened, not that I expected it to. Sadly my philosophy on life was to set low expectations and never be disappointed.  

Monday began earlier than I expected when my texts notifications dinged at 6:30 (my alarm was set for 6:45 - those 15 minutes make a huge difference). Having been raised to believe that no good came of late night or early morning phone calls, and having adapted this to texting as well, I fumbled for my phone, knocking it off the nightstand. Trying to get to it as soon as possible (Did someone need bail money? Had my sister-in-law finally snapped and murdered my brother?), I fell off the bed. Happy fucking Monday.

Niall. The text was from Niall. I rubbed the tiny knot rising on my forehead (which I knew would swelll into a goose egg by the time the morning was over), and opened it.

“Dragged everyone to quiz night . Not the same without ya !

“I’m shite at the science questions-wish ya were here Z .”

Holy fuck beans. I was wide awake now. As I processed this info, another text came in.

“Oh, and it’s trivia night here . Not quiz night . Americans ;) .”

That was flirty. It was definitely flirty. There was a wink emoji. I took a screenshot of the conversation and sent it to Hannah.

“HELP!”

“HELP!

“HANNAH LOUISE GET UP! THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!”

“omg. he texted you! he’s flirting! that’s total flirting!”

“i’m totally squealing for you, btw”

“Right? Me too!”

“what did you say back?”

Fuck. I needed to respond.

“I haven’t. Shit, what do I say?”

“be clever.”

“Oh, that’s helpful.”

“z, it’s 6:40 on a monday morning. you’re lucky i’m awake.”

Okay, I can do this. I carried my phone (like it was my precious baby) into the kitchen while I started my Nespresso. I tried typing in several witty answers and deleted them before I could hit send.

“Sorry, my friend. You hit the quiz night goldmine with us on your first try. And damn those dirty Americans :)”

When I didn’t get a response in a few minutes, I gave up and started to get ready for the day. In the shower (washing your hair actually causes ideas to get loose, I swear) I thought of several comebacks that would have been much better. Damn. No response as I gave my hair a quick blow dry (then gave up and put it in a bun), tossed on my fast weekday makeup (BB cream, a quick swipe of eyeliner, and mascara...lipstick could be done on the tube), and tossed on a pair of gray khakis and a navy sweater. Nothing. Bullocks. I reminded myself that this was the exact reason I didn’t want to get excited about Niall in the first place-it was too easy to get caught up and let my emotions get dictated by someone else. With a concerned effort, I turned off my phone and tossed it in my bag.

When I finished with my 3:00 appointment, one of the part-time admins was standing outside of the treatment room we’d been in. “Zoe, you need to call a Hannah back as soon as possible. She’s called three times since lunch and sounds like she’s really upset. I hope everything is okay.”

Damn it, Hannah, you drama queen. I went into my (tiny) office and retrieved my phone, turning it on. 14 texts from Hannah, 8 from Paul, 2 each from Jess and Carly, and 1 from Brian. She’d sent in the troops. As I scrolled through, I saw one more I’d missed in my initial perusal - Niall. First things first, though: Hannah. I called her extension at work and she picked up, “Jesus Christ, are you okay?”

“Wow, that’s a professional way to answer the phone. I’m fine. Turned my phone off this morning.”

“Did he not text back?” People were shouting numbers behind her and the mere idea of it gave me a rash.

“Not right away, and I didn’t want to keep looking at the phone. Just checked it since you freaking called the hounds out on me. He responded.”

“And?”

“And what? I didn’t read it yet. I called you before Scotland Yard showed up at my office.”  

“Well fucking read it!” her high pitched voice pierced the line. Ouch.

“I’ll text you shortly. Call off the posse, I’m safe.” I ended the call and stared at the phone a minute. Here goes nothing.

“I did hit the jackpot for quiz mates . Brains and beauty .”

I gasped. Literally gasped. And dropped my phone, narrowly missing my mid-afternoon San Pellegrino. Beauty. BEAUTY. But mate. But beauty. But mate. Gah! This is why my spinster plan was a good idea. Copied the text and sent to Hannah with my own “WTF?” note.

I hammered out a quick response, “Yeah, Paul’s quite the catch. You did well.” It was almost 7 am in Los Angeles (thanks, Google, because time zone math always tricked me). I didn’t figure Niall for an early riser, so back in the bag went the phone and I went into my 4:00 with Elliott, one of my favorite kids.

On the tube home I couldn’t resist and looked again. Nothing. So I did what any sensible person would do and ordered eggplant parmigiana take away. I got into my flat, changed into an old t-shirt - pants were totally optional in my house, took out my contacts, and plopped my ass down with my dinner. My Netflix and chill date was Italian and delicious. A little saucy, though.

At 9:30 my phone dinged with a text. I was half asleep and could feel the pattern from the sofa pillow indented in my face. I grabbed it and saw a text from Niall.

“Paul is a nice looking chap . Not who I had in mind, tho .”

Well fuck this, I was no good at playing cute. Trying to come up with a way to come and ask him if he was hinting at liking me, I heard another ding.

“Want to facetime? I’ll turn on the Lumineers and sing to ya .”

Oh, fate, you’re a cruel mistress. I didn’t even want to know what I looked like right now. There was marinara on the front of my shirt, and I’m sure some on my face. I highly doubted that my makeup had lasted for 14 hours. And I had dragon breath. (I know, he wouldn’t be able to smell it because we hadn’t invented that technology yet, but I’d know.) I pondered if I could put him off long enough to take a shower, get a blow out, and properly contour and highlight my face. Instead I opted for a coy response.

“What fun would your singing be if I couldn’t play with your hair?”

“I’m not really up for FT right now - Monday slug night. Talk, though?”

One minute and 43 seconds later, my phone rang.

I finally hung up the phone at 00:18, GMT. My cheeks hurt from the smile I was rocking. At one point I'd laughed so hard as Niall told me about being chased by stadium security guards on his Segway that I got the hiccups. He, in turn, laughed so hard he had a coughing fit. “We’re a right mess, aren’t we?” he said as we both calmed down, an occasional chuckle between us. “Suppose we are. But at least we’re entertaining.” By this time I’d abandoned the living room and crawled into bed, almost purring when my back hit the mattress.

“What are you doing?” he asked in almost a whisper.

“Getting comfy. Just laid down in bed. It’s my happy place.” The silence on the other end of the line was obvious. Did I just freak him out? I wasn’t trying to get all sexy times, I just got into bed. My shirt and panties were still in place, for God’s sake. “Uh, I didn’t mean happy place like sex. Well, I mean, I guess that happens here, too, well, has happened here, but I’m just, um, laying down. Ya know, it’s late and my bed is warm.” The babbling.must.stop. “I just really like to sleep.”

His chuckle calmed my nerves. “I like to sleep, too, Z. I guess I was just thinking about you gettin’ cozy in your pajamas.” The tiny yelp noise I made echoed through my room. And the phone. But before I could get awkward, Niall beat me to it.

“Not perverted. Well, maybe a little.” I could already see him pulling at the front of his hair while he tried to explain himself. He let out that damned adorable chuckle again and continued. “I just think you’d look cute curled up in a big bed with lots of blankets. Probably one your gran made ya or something like that.”

My heart was beating so hard I thought it was going to explode. Unable to handle the sweetness, I laughed and said, “Do you have a camera or something in here? I thought you weren’t being perverted?” And I pulled the quilt my Grandma Bechtel made me in elementary school up closer to my chin. It scared me (in a good way, not a Jamie Dornan in The Fall kind of way) that he could imagine a scenario that was basically right on.

“I’ll keep my perverted thoughts to myself, promise. At least for now.”

Okay, well I’ll be good and goddamned if my panties weren’t on fire. “You’re testing my restraint here, Horan. I’m a good girl.”

“I have a feeling anything I say here is going to lead us down a bad path.” His voice had dropped an octave, though, and I could practically SEE the sexual tension in the air. “And, for the record, uh, I think you’re a very good girl, Z.”

Struggling to keep my heart from actually packing up and abandoning my chest, I managed to respond.  “I think I should say goodnight, Niall. Or good afternoon in your part of the world.” I barely recognized my own voice. It sounded a little higher and throatier than usual. Oh my god. It was my horny voice. I wasn’t usually in a position to actually listen to myself.

“Yeah I guess it is late there. You go and enjoy your beauty sleep. Not that ya need beauty sleep, I just mean I hope you sleep well. You’re already beautiful. Just, uh, sweet dreams, Z.”

Wow.

[officialmaleclibrary]

This month we’re showcasing an author in the fandom who has written popular works such as Fall Without Wings and Celebrity!Magnus AU. Lu is on ao3 as vulturemonem and on tumblr as @notcrypticbutcoy, and we’d like to thank her once again for taking part in the OML author showcase! 

1) When did you start writing fics? Tell us a little of your journey as a fic writer.

WELL. The first fandom I was ever a part of was the HP fandom, a solid 7+ years ago now, and I found my feet in this tiny little niche part of it in the most obscure place. That was where I began, where I learnt about what fanfiction was, and it was honestly a journey from there. I’ve been part of some very questionable fandoms and writing communities (if you want the details you’ll have to hit me up lol). I found the TMI fandom in maybe 2012? It was right before the CoB film came out, and I’d been totally obsessed with the books, because there were actual LGBT+ characters??? Like what?? (Alec and Magnus were the first gay/bi characters I’d ever seen in a YA book. I was enamoured immediately. Forgive me.) And then the show came out, and was everything I’d hoped for and so much more, and the rest is history, as they say! 

2) What fic of yours are you most proud of and why?

The obvious answer here is to say Fall Without Wings, which has been more successful than I could ever have hoped for. I’ve put my heart and soul into that fic, and seeing other people loving it honestly means the world to me. The other fic I’d say I’m really proud of is the fic I wrote for Malec Week 2016, Day 3: AU Settings Day. You know when you sit down and write, and everything just spurts out and you read over it and you’re like, damn, did I actually write this?  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ That fic in a nutshell. I don’t know where it came from.

3) Who is your favorite character to write and why? Which character do you find the most challenging to write? 

Magnus and Alec are definitely my favourite characters to write, but for entirely conflicting reasons. Alec, because I relate to Alec on pretty much every level, and so I find him very easy to write, and it comes naturally, most of the time. And Magnus because he’s also, to answer the second part of the question, such a challenging character to get right. He’s centuries old, there are a million facets to his character, and there are so many things to consider when writing him. He’s experienced more than I could possibly imagine. He’s also in my top 5 favourite characters in anything, ever, so I’m especially driven to do him justice! 

Having said that, though, I think the hardest characters to write are those we’ve got less source material for, because I’m never totally sure whether I’ve got their characterisation right. Also, Clary, because she frequently frustrates me in canon, so I often find myself writing her a little differently in my fics. (Admittedly, she’s annoyed me less as the show has gone on. I have high hopes for season 3!)

4) What is the hardest part about being a fic author? The easiest?

Honestly, I think there are lots of hard things about being a fic author. One of the hardest things imo isn’t unique to fic writing, but is probably true of writing in general. When you put everything into writing something that you care about, it can be really hard to see it get torn down by hate comments - even just a couple. Consciously, you know that people who come into your inbox on anon spouting bullshit are just cowards, and that you shouldn’t take their words to heart, but sometimes people manage to hit you where it hurts. Some hate comments are just plain hilarious, but some of them can run around in your mind for a while.

The other hard thing is staring at your WIP wondering why the hell you can’t just write this damn thing already.

The easiest thing is definitely generating ideas! I get far too many to ever write! It’s hard to finish a fic, and it’s hard to stick to an update schedule, but it’s much too easy to come up with the ideas! 

5) What inspires you? Where do you find your muse?

Literally everything and anything. Songs are often a big inspiration to me, or random little things I see on TV, or chatting to other people in fandoms about headcanons or such. And even just life anecdotes. 

I’m a bit of a biology nerd, so I always think it’s really interesting to read about where creativity actually comes from. There’s science behind why I always get my best ideas in the shower or walking to the tube station on my morning commute – Google “brain idling” and have a read, if you’re interested! 

6) Do you write original content as well as fic? 

Absolutely! I haven’t shared any of it online, but I do, yes. Recently, I’ve had my free time slashed in half, so I’ve had to prioritise a little, but I do still write original things when I get the opportunity. At some point, when the time feels right and I’m satisfied with what I’ve written, I’d love to get something published, but I’m not in a hurry at the moment. My life needs to settle down a little bit first, but watch this space ;)

7) Do you have a favorite fic from another author?

Several!

- and my heart is set on you by ohprongs is definitely a tick-all-the-boxes fic for me, and is impossibly sweet with just the right amount of light angst dotted in - Traveler by bumblebeeskness is absolutely heartbreaking and hilarious in places and overall so beautiful it’ll make you cry - Set Me In Motion by lemonoclefox is another great one, with a perfect mix of angst and fluff, as well as some great tension, pining, and some brilliant cooking anecdotes - Also anything by Lecrit – yes please!!

8) What’s something you’re looking forward to in the upcoming season of Shadowhunters?

We’ve had hints that we might get to see some domestic malec, so that, of course! I’m also totally here for the Garrobane development we got last season, so more of that would be wonderful. And Sizzy?? If this Simon/Izzy slow burn is going to continue, sign me up. I think Em and Alberto are doing a great job with their relationship! (Although I am surprisingly conflicted, because I’ve enjoyed Simon/Maia more than I expected to, considering I was fairly apathetic to their relationship pre-show…)

9) Can you give us a sneak peek to what you’re writing next? Or at least any hints to what’s to come?

I’m currently continuing Fall Without Wings as my main project, and I go back to dabble in my celeb!Magnus&cop!Alec AU now and then. Once I’ve finished FWW, I’ve got a super-secret (I’m kidding) multi-chap WIP that I started and have abandoned, so I’m hoping to finish that. I’ve also got two multi-chap AUs planned as full-time projects to start after FWW is done. (See, ideas?? Too many!!)

10) Do you have advice for anyone who might be interested in writing fan fiction?

Honestly, just go for it. If you want to start writing in the hope of someday getting published, fanfic is a great place to start. If you want to write fanfic just because, then there’s nothing stopping you! There are two things I always recommend to people who want to write, in any way, and that’s 1) read as much and as widely as you possibly can, and 2) practise until your fingers fall off! (Not literally, but you know what I mean!)

11) Do you prefer to write in AU verse or canon verse? Why?

I’ve got to be honest, I prefer AU verses, both writing and reading. There’s much more freedom in an AU. You don’t get people in the comments picking apart little details you’ve changed, and you don’t have stupid plot lines/silly world rules you didn’t like in canon that you’re supposed to take note of. I find there’s more fun to be had in a good AU. Even if you’re just tweaking things a little bit here and there to change the backstory, I prefer it to writing in strict canon.

[medicalmyanne]

MedicalMyanne’s Best of 2017: A Comprehensive Gift Guide

I am a huge fan of practical gifts. If an item can be used daily, while still reminding you of your beloved, I consider it the perfect present. Below are my Christmas/Holiday gift ideas for any student in your life, ranging from $1.75 to under $100 for 2017.

Stocking Stuffers:

1. MUJI Polycarbonate Pens - $1.75

We get it -- med students study. Make it more bearable by gifting the student in your life a decent pen they won’t lose within hours. These MUJI polycarbonate pens write like a dream. They are retractable, write smoothly, and come in 6 different ink colors (black, teal, magenta, true blue, red, and orange). These don’t tend to leak like the original MUJI capped pens (as much as I like these as well), and are great for white coat pockets, college students, and even Grandma, who loves to pen you a letter every now & then. 

2. BadgeBlooms Badge Reel - $6

Melissa is a nurse-turned-entrepreneur based in Chicago, IL. Her Etsy shop is stocked full of badge reels for every medical professional in your life. My personal favorite are her felt badges -- created into human organs, cute animals, and the most adorable inanimate objects (think - tacos, pineapples, cupcakes!). I own 2 of these myself & they are of great quality. At under $10, these would be great stocking stuffers or for several nurses on your floor while on a student budget. BadgeBloom’s huge selection gives you a chance to make it personal (everyone has a favorite animal or organ), and a badge reel is practical in its every day use. Your recipient will be reminded of you every time he/she puts on his/her badge. 

3. Glossier Balm Dot Coms (lip salve) - $12

Makeup is universal, but chapped lips shouldn’t be. As a chronic lip picker while studying, the Mint BDC has been my holy grail. Balm Dot Coms come in 6 different scents (Original/Unscented, Rose, Mint, Coconut, Cherry Birthday Cake). I have always found gifting makeup to be an extremely personal preference, but lip balm is something that gives more leeway. Mint is my personal favorite (think Burt’s Bee’s classic lip balm, but way less waxy), and I’ve gifted them to a couple of friends already. Boys -- this would be a great idea so your girl doesn’t have to exchange a foundation 3 shades too light at a Sephora 30 mins away. You can get 20% off your entire Glossier purchase using my affiliate link here. Balm Dot Coms also come in a trio -- you’ll get any 3 flavors for $30, saving yourself a cool $6. You can spend that on a Burrito Bowl all for you, and cover 3 stocking stuffers for your 3 besties this holiday season. 

4. The gift of giving back - Starbucks/Tiff’s Treats Gift Card - $20

Give for others to give -- literally. I have always been a huge fan of “just because” gifts, and with friends all fighting their own battles in grad school, I like to give a little pick-me-up to someone to brighten their day. Give a gift card to Starbucks or a food-delivery company -- not for your recipient, but so they can treat someone, too.

Recently, I’ve started placing Starbucks “To-Go” mobile orders in various locations, based on my recipient’s current location (must be within 100 miles, I believe). All your recipient has to do is pop in & pick it up -- and it’s already pre-paid by you.

If you are based in Texas, Tiff’s Treats is a cookie delivery company who delivers freshly baked cookies right to your loved one’s doorstep. I think I’ve placed over 20 orders for birthdays, as thank yous, and just a little “thinking of you” surprise. They’ve recently amped up their packaging, and you can even write a personalized note to your recipient for free. The delivery comes wrapped in a bow, and comes baked fresh & piping hot (they call your recipient to confirm their delivery prior to baking!). Give a gift card to your beloved to encourage them to treat someone special in their life, too.

Mid-Range:

5. SLMD Daytime Acne Lotion or Clarifying Treatment - $30/each

Dr. Pimple Popper, need I say more? I’ve battled with my skin nearly all of my life, and have been loving the SLMD line. The Daytime Acne Lotion is 2.5% benzoyl peroxide, which kills acne-causing bacteria, and the Clarifying Treatment contains retinol, a Vitamin A derivative shown to reduce blackheads, fine lines, and even wrinkles. I was first introduced to these when I started the  SLMD 30-Day Acne System (also a great gift idea @ $45). I loved both these items so much, when I finished the trial as well as my normal prescribed topicals, I purchased full sizes of the Acne Lotion & Clarifying Treatment to keep my stress-induced acne at bay.

6. White Coat Clipboard - $25-31

Move over PSLs & UGG boots -- it’s time for the real basic grad school essential. Sleek enough to fit into a white coat pocket, practical enough to have high-yield lab values & fit a whole stack of paper, white coat clipboards are the way to go. I have one as a hand-me-down from an upper-level and was recently given a brand new gorgeous teal one from my med school Big! They come in tons of colors (pink, purple, black, etc.). Be sure to differentiate the medical vs. nursing versions based on the future life-saver you’re giving it to. 

White Coat Clipboards are made of metal, and it folds with well-built hinges. These would also be great for high school students just starting to volunteer at hospitals, pre-meds beginning their shadowing experiences, or even physicians who’ve been in the game for a while. Its convenience & durability lasts several years, and can withstand the test of time, as well as the years dedicated to your craft.

7. A Freshly subscription - $45

Meal delivery right to your front doorstep. Not even a box of ingredients you’ll have to wash, cut, and prepare. Straight up food -- chef-prepared, packaged with care, and all you have to do is heat it up. Freshly came in so clutch during block exam weeks for me, I ordered an additional week after that and thought I lost all knowledge of how to cook after the 7 days in heaven ended. Not to mention -- their customer service is amazing. They’ll personally call you to confirm food allergies, remind you of your delivery date several hours before, and have your box filled with ice packs to keep your food fresh if you’re working late. Though “surprise” & trial boxes like FabFitFun & Sephora Play!, etc. are absolutely adorable, the greatest gift, in my opinion, is the gift of convenience & not having to wash dishes (hahah). This would be perfect for truly anyone -- a best friend, boyfriend, or a struggling classmate -- nose-deep in finals, recovering from post-call, or “just because” on a lazy week.

You can use code med639 to save $20 off your first 6 meals. I receive no commission nor compensation from this code.

BOUJEE:

8. NurseMates Anni-Lo Shoes - $76.95

These are the cutest shoes known to man. Anni-Los scream comfort with its orthotic shape & adorable mix between the Sperrys & Keds aesthetic. I have these in white & wear them literally every day. I love them so much, I actually ordered a second pair in the same size & color just in case these wear out. These run true size (I wear size 7 normally in shoes, and have these in size 7). Annie-Los can be worn with scrubs or even out in daily life, and even have a little platform that elongate & flatter your legs if you have shorter ones like me.

9. FIGS scrubs - $86

Yes. The hype is very, very real. FIGS are the most flattering scrubs in the game. It boasts a draped & tapered fit, luxe fabric, and an admirable mission to boot (buy one pair, they give a pair to a health professional in need). These are by far the most flattering scrubs I own, their customer service team is a dream to work with, and they really do believe in the concept of altruism (read about their work for Hurricane Harvey here). I am rather petite (5′3″) and a ride-or-die top-tucker. My picks are the Catarina top ($38, chest pocket for optimal tucking) & the Kade Cargo Pants ($48). They recently released a bunch of new colors (burgundy, dark harbor, white) & lots of other “lifestyle” wear. I’ve always been a fan of their lifestyle vest (comes with lots of secret pockets, which I believe is discontinued) and their long-sleeve underscrub (also the most flattering long-sleeves I wear in autumn).

You can use my code MyanneFIGS for 15% off your entire FIGS purchase. I receive no commission nor compensation from this code. FYI - right now, FIGS is offering complimentary, custom embroidering on all orders to celebrate the holiday season. Be sure to take advantage of this!

10. A freaking good pair of yoga pants - Lululemon Pace Rival Crops - $88

I found Pace Rivals completely by accident -- on a Lululemon clearance rack that was a size too big for me in Canada. These soon & very quickly became my favorite pants. Their length is extremely flattering, and the material is very durable (I feel like I don’t have to baby them as much as Aligns, which are luxuriously butter soft and also a favorite), but still breathable. Because they are a bit looser, I can hide them underneath a white coat and have it low-key kinda-sorta pass as business pants (#teamlazy). I consider Pace Rivals to be truly worth the price you pay for the usage you will get out of them. My picks are a pair in the color black for a professional monochrome look.

[autumn-in-phandom]

“Did Dan get TOO TAN?”

(Sept 19th 2017 Dan liveshow timestamps)  

0:03 After an awkward pause and salute: “Hello cyber friends” (instant regret and reflection)

0:29 (Dear god, don’t grab your laptop by the screen like that Dan.)

0:44 Grimace #1

1:06 No Dan, you do not look *atol* different. That tweet, title and pic are all just clickbait.

1:10 (Bronze my ass.)

1:19 Hitting us with that meme.

1:25 (Didn’t need to be in your face thanks. Teasing angles?)

1:36 “Never say Trumpy ever again, in any circumstance.”

1:45 Lovely pores and freckles.

2:00 Obviously everyone subscribes to YouTubers for their freckle content.

2:30 Livestreams are “a mistake” because of the chat clinging on to one thing and spamming it.

2:40 No probing or questioning at airport, big grin.

3:01 “The broadband is terrible but the 4G is great.” Okay…

3:17 “The toasty Dan experience”, orangish filter.

3:26 Double rhyme: “I guess that’s a rhyme, yeah that’s fine” (okay it’s a slant rhyme)

3:47 “Buttered crumpet Daniel.”

4:02 “Went to an island in the Mediterranean.” (This is exactly the answer I expected and quite frankly the only one he should give.)

4:09 “Literally did nothing for about six days, it was great.”

4:15 ‘I am Pilgrim’ book recommended by his mum.

4:30 Tricked into reading 900 page book.

5:00 Holiday was incredibly relaxing.

5:10 “Ordeal” getting there, delayed flight, three hours “traumatizing”

5:22 “Haha long boye” “literally, shins driving into my chest, bleeding” alright hyperbolic humor Dan. “Tough.”

5:38 “Violated” on flight by guy’s elbows, “no respect for personal space”, “fully leaning into me”, “didn’t even care”, “honestly an icon for all of us.” (Was it Phil?)

6:03 3 am, old driver, mini bus, cliff roads, did pre-ritual preparing for death.

7:00 “So much yogurt”, doesn’t know why.

7:05 “Assaggetti” tweet, we can shame him, “has the worst sense of humor in the world”, check it out and unsubscribe, doesn’t remember the language (Italian), apologizes, “constantly problematic”.

7:55 “Got that D from the S up above” (vitamin D, or Phil…)

8:16 Phil came on the holiday in case anyone didn’t know.

8:18 “He went from like glass to pale ivory, which is good”, “Phil is someome who erupts in freckles whenever he goes outside, so it’s hard to tell if he tans or if your eyes are just kinda like drawing the dots between the space all the freckles are, if you know what I’m saying.” (Wow, I… I’d like to think you mean what I know, but I’m not sure. Wow.)

8:37 Someone in the chat: “Nice Ursa Major on that cheek boy”. Turn, pose, laugh.

8:41 “The Bigger Dipper of my self esteem.”

8:53 Good day: watched Bake Off and answered emails, “thrilling”.

9:13 Tumblr likes, fan art, “beautiful to celebrate the great people.”

9:43 “The internet is not here”, laughs, sighs, apologizes.

9:55 Some peer pressure advice.

10:25 Had to check what his video title is.

10:35 I don’t know why he bothers to ask if we watched either.

10:55 Accept that he does things by his British calendar.

11:11 Why he didn’t he talk about uni stories when it was happening. Ashamed? Yeah, processing turmoil at the time.

11:55 Now shares traumatizing, terrifying, shameful, embarrassing stories straight away.

12:15 Rowing club guy AU… (not what I was thinking)

12:46 Laundry story: Phil was nice, Dan didn’t ask, *literally* ordered a cab, turned up with suitcase, Phil assumed he dropped out and was moving in, “I’ve had a day and I’m going to wash my socks in your washing machine.”

13:13 “If you struggle to function as a person-” (I really wish he had finished this sentence)

13:15 Asda sponsor for crying in the cheese aisle?

13:23 Pasta burn shaming (were you just never in the kitchen with your mum Dan?)

13:36 Dropping laptop so much recently.

14:00 Never taught cooking, laundry, accounting.

14:18 “No one told me shit!” (in Dan’s face again).

14:33 “What happens when I’m 23?! How do I do a tax?!”

14:54 It was ravioli (pretty sure the instructions mentioned water Dan…)

15:15 Thick as in stupid, not thicc fat booty.

15:30 “Look Fatima, we all have different life experiences, okay?” (lol)

15:36 “Ravioli ravioli, give me the death I deserveioli.” Relates.

15:45 Rihanna livestream, forehead fetishist? Wouldn’t mind if anyone leaves for that.  

16:08 Not up on BTS, DNA.

16:33 Shames Eden for “let me see that pastussy” comment, “leave.”

16:45 “Love on the Brain”. He really loves Rihanna, amazing, blessing, doesn’t give a shit, casual, informal, etc. “Bitch Better Have My Money.”

17:25 Is sure BTS video with be “pure and beautiful”, expects “softly applied eyeshadow and very fluffy hair”, he’s sure he’ll enjoy.

17:38 Maybe new gaming video/livestream tomorrow.

17:45 Overcooked, ironic kitchen fire, foreshadowing.

18:08 Wasn’t sure if he should get into Chinese guy story again, but he has to.

18:13 Deep breath: “It was 4 am, I’d been you know, well hydrated that evening, but I decided I needed another drink” go into the kitchen, everyone else was asleep, guy had a whole chicken, with neck and feet, fine but surprising, tiniest pair of white y-fronts, hacked head off and made eye contact, just couldn’t, usually would awaken some kink in him…

19:39 Pool pic, shout out to friend, no consent, relaxing, absorbing sun like a lizard, *basking*, fell asleep, lucky it was a pool and he didn’t drift out to sea, sun stroke vid reference, “the bad tan”.

21:08 People saying “trying to be cute”, the double chins (really?!)

21:21 The least Dan-like photo.

21:33 Thought it would ruin his Instagram aesthetic.

22:10 Lack of other content: relaxing, reading,

22:24 Took a couple other photos, sunset selfie, “no one’s going to take a photo of me” (what the hell happened to your personal photographer?) but then people came (please post, please!)

23:40 Bake off is his life, “Noel Feilding is a national treasure”, caramel was torture while hungry, faves are Liam and not!Val (what did he whisper about Liam? Really wanted him to be…?)

24:30 *Maybe* Halloween Baking, they don’t think that far ahead about anything.

24:48 Phil’s role in Dan’s video, mugging scene took nine takes, afraid to punch him. Outtakes please!

26:03 (grimace #2) “Hello Grandma, my name is Daniel, I’m a wholesome person, that’s a very great influence”

26:16 Wachowski films

26:23 Dan floating in donut plushies would be very challenging.

26:33 Dan flips a bit at the idea that’s it’s weird to like people who don’t know who you are. Uses Ed Sheeran as example.

26:55 Scrolls past person who said they feel better when they have a dream about Dan and Phil.

27:17 Cared more about YouTube than university socializing and class, Pom Bear Massacre reference, made Tumblr account.

29:09 Chapped lips, season changed the moment he stepped off the plane.

29:42 “Okay Universe, I know I can be a bit of a downer, sometimes.”

29:51 Haley Barry Storm powers

30:08 Yes the furry blanket comes out, polyester, sad pimp, Marks & Spencer.

31:06 Ready for everything seasonal, autumnal Yankee Candle range, not haute, but fun themes.

31:31 Frisbee laptop across the room on to the bed, missed.

31:46 Candle haul, yes it is content we need right now!

32:26 Furry invasion on Splatoon, scaley, yiffing proposition, “this is a family game”, not shaming just concerned for kids, though it is hentai-esque…

33:27 Sonic: 2010 reminiscing, formatting of boxes.

34:04 Was stupid side kick, Phil being good, Dan trying to be helpful, actual just a cheerleader, Phil was disgusting, doesn’t know if Phil even knew what he was saying (of course he did).

34:38 Didn’t know uni vid was trending

34:52 Reflection (I think that’s the piano nook)

35:00 Weird because of swearing, someone at YT didn’t watch the vid, “Ah, keep doing that, don’t watch my videos, just know that I’m a good person…”

35:25 “I make great friendly content.” (grimace #3)

35:30 Explains why trending isn’t automatic. Yes, think of the children.

36:05 “But hey, I’m not bad, everything’s fine”.

36:45 “People of all genders do and don’t wear makeup”.

37:10 (I’m pretty sure that the no candles with birds is because of the fumes.)

37:25 What is with the nose touching when confirming Spooky Week? “Next video (nose touch) soon, don’t worry”…?

38:28 “Fans of everything are annoying, that’s just what happens when people are enthusiastic about stuff.”

39:19 Dan doesn’t get annoyed by different fandoms. Says more about the people being annoyed, part of their own insecurity, their lack of community, togetherness, celebration, shared experiences, jealous or sad, or maybe everyone just everyone’s annoying.

39:56 Dream Daddy: so dangerous saying Dilddy. Dan likes Damien, great taste, immaculate presentation, probably not Dilddy’s romantic soulmate.

40:31 Dan is in like ten fandoms (makes a face).

40:45 Chat: “Will Phil become a furry, what’s your fursona?” Dan: “Is it time to go?”

40:55 Has never thought about it, promises he’ll get on it soon, he knows what the internet wants from him.

41:31 Chat full of fursona suggestions. He’s going to start crying.

41:52 “A llama fucking hell.” “Look at the time.”

42:01 Going to go into a (not disturbing) hole later looking into axoltl fur suits.

42:24 Elf on a shelf meme, was going to post a Dan one, “old meme!” (Still don’t need to be up in your face Daniel.)

43:27 Really wants to go see IT, needs to see Mother.

44:04 Shut up! American Horror Story, makes him happy. Loves Sarah Paulson (is his life), feels represented by a lesbian with anxiety. Evan Peters is great, looks gross, or great depending.

45:25 His fursona should be a big bear, I agree. What a reaction.

45:46 Left comb on holiday, looks like a bush.

46:13 (grimace #4 at group chat names.)

46:20 “What is wrong with all of you?”

46:22 Glosses over diet ask. Indeed.

46:26 “Don’t call me Uncle Dan when we’re talking about fursonas.”

46:36 “If you live in Australia vote for marriage equality, we don’t need to have this conversation.” “Come on, come on Australia, sort your shit out.”

47:03 Going to “innocently Google things that are fine”.

47:22 “Me and Phil would love to come to Russia”.

47:27 Limitations of TATINOF.

47:44 Watch uni vid: “Don’t take it too seriously. Remember that most of the time I’m just trying to be funny, and if you ever want like my real feelings or opinions, just think about whatever the opposite of what I’m saying is, and that’s usually how to get to the sincere heart of whatever Dan’s talking about.”

48:13 “Stay calm, ask some senpais for some life advice and think carefully about what your fursona should be.”

[ministryofgamers]

The FIX - Bren

I’ve been doing YouTube for a LONG time now, well 8 years certainly sounds like a long time to me.. but eerily doesn’t feel like a long time. We’ve been through so many changes and trails, trying different things, making movies, TV shows, Interviews, Press events... you name it, as a content creator for the video game community I’ve made it. I’ve always wanted to be a successful youtuber when it came to video-games, these days that usually means you have to figure out a silly name and play lots of games and make a fool of yourself (and yeah i’ve done that too). A youtube star is someone that has millions of followers, uploads daily, sometimes twice daily, but I have none of those things... does that mean i’m not successful? I dont’ think so. I’ve conducted interviews with lead game designers, been to top tier invite only press functions, had 2 shows on UK TV for video games, a movie, and run an active community driven youtube channel that has a great gathering of awesome people. So why is it that I feel like I’ve failed somehow? is it because I didn’t find the right audience? is it because I didn’t get launched to super stardom for my time as a games journalist... would I even want that if it came knocking... i’m not even sure I would like it to be honest. It's strange, I've always felt like I’ve wanted to be successful in making video content, films, art, always wanted to entertain and make something that would make someone say “wow” and I have done that, but on a small scale.

Now on Youtube I see things are very different, attention spans are miniscule, kids are starting channels left right and centre, no knowledge of how to frame a good shot, how to use a decent microphone, no knowledge on how to make a proper video... vertical videos of cats being dicks, fail videos, pranks, challenges, all of that stuff to me is benine crap,  redundant. I feel the same about reality TV and how most formats prey on schadenfreude( german phrase meaning "to take pleasure in anothers missfortune") I find it nausiating that television, for the most part, has become so mundane, fuelled by adverts and les than average production values. I recently watched a shocking piece of output form the BBC where they seem to have forgotten that sound levels are important... as well as whitebalance and did the OP forget his tripod? Hand held is ok, but this chap looked like he'd had a bit too much rum in his coffee that morning. ��

Anyway, back to Youtube. I'm a part of a few "small youtuber" groups on facebook, basically if you don't have 500,000 subs these days you are considered to be pretty small time. And in these groups I see thousands of the same posts everyday "yay i got 20 subs" or "how many views do i need before i can monetize." and the best one "sub for sub anyone?" honestly pretty much everyone on those groups that i've looked at (except one or two) literally have no fucking idea what they are doing and couldn't make a video if it meant saving their own life. Time and time again I see the same shit, constantly. It honestly makes me Wince at the thought that these kids are about to embark on the most dissapointing crusade of thier lives.  I started youtube in 2009 and it was a bloody good time to do so as there were pretty much no such thing as lets plays or video game shows etc... we had an amazing show, 4 presenters, heavily edited reviews, sketches, comedy! And best of all we were in with the big boys, interviewing people I never thought i'd ever get to meet!  "But Bren, why didn't you just keep going with that?" Well, thats a whole different story and i'll just sum it up by saying there were differences of opinion and it fell apart.

Starting GameGazmTV was very freeing... I had decided that I needed a platform where I didn't care too much about what content I put on it... I had boxed up my camera equipment and used a phone to film most of the stuff for it... we slapped half naked manga girls all over it with flames and rock music in the hope that we would offend someone enough to just come and look at the channel... even the name "GameGazm" was fucking ridiculous. It wasn't long before we started to slowly change everything. Removing the semi naked girls, and some "dead weight" and started to clean up the brand... but it didn't do anything really.. I started to slip back into the "everything must be good" routine, so started heavily editing videos again, making bigger productions, adding more visual effects to everything... graphical updates, weekly updates, started doing let's plays for more content, live streams... then by year 4 we changed the name fully to Ministry of Gamers in the hope of finally shedding the GameGazm crappy beginnings. And now I've suddenly realised... that I hate most of it... I look back at a lot of our content and pretty much 90% of it I could throw in the bin and no one would bat an eyelid. The content I love the most on our channel is 2 videos... Solstice and Top Gun. 2 videos that I think are actually really worth watching... the rest of them i'm not that bothered about... but solstice and top gun both took 6 weeks each to make... thats a lot of time... and then the most successful video on our channel is a video about a fucking controller that we shot in an hour because we thought "why not" I couldn't give a crap about that controller... but its the only video that i've spent the least amount of time on and its the most successfull thing ive ever made.... talk about a kick in the teeth... thats some way to really get yourself down.

Up until this point if you asked me is YouTube worth doing, should I start a channel? I would have said " yeah its really fun to do, and totally worth it." but ask me right now? i'd say "no... don't do it.. its really not worth the stress you'll put yourself through, its not worth seeing comments like "shut up and stop reviewing games you fat cunt." on a video that you spent DAYS writing, recording, editing.  Its not worth making any video that takes you longer than an hour to do, because honestly... your effort is the last thing youtube gives a crap about." Youtube does not care if you stayed up for a week straight slaving over an edit, making sure your colours are good, sound is balanced, Youtube doesn't care if you spent days crafting a CGI intro for your channel, making custom graphics, building a brand! It DOESN'T CARE... but make a controller video, slap it up, and youtube will give you £300 and a pat on the head..... great... just film your cat doing something retarded and you'll be a millionaire in no time. don't worry about talent... its not required here.

Basically youtube isn't the kind of platform I would like to be on. But not being on Youtube is like saying "I don't want to be on the biggest viewing platform available." throughout my video carrer I've only ever really been interested in making content about videogames. It's my passion so what else would I do? I have a couple of thoughts about other avenues I could explore. But if I really cared about them then I would have been doing it already. No I still care about making content for videogames but now its time to change the focus... change the direction because something has to change... i'm no longer going to use youtube as a platform to give content thats about something else.. i'm going to make it about ME and my team as people, its not a show anymore. I want it to document OUR struggle, OUR journey through a project, how we as people are focused on making entertainment. Youtube doesn't need another gaming channel, it needs to hear about how crushingly difficult it is to get anywhere with content creation, and thats where I want to be now. I'll be working on something I really care about, and i'll provide updates to that on youtube.

I can't keep going the way I have been, a constant viscious circle of dissapointment and failiure, over and over. I'm done trying to fill a gap that just doesn't need to be filled. There are other ways I can use my time and thats the most precious thing to all of us.. becasue there really isnt' that much of it.

Why have I written this? I guess to just put it all down somehwere other than my head.. the more I write at the moment the more I feel it leaving me.. literally like ive turned a tap on and the water was filthy and its slowly starting to clear up. My main point to all of this though was to fully understand why i'm so successful at failing, I make incredible work that never gets anywhere and no one really cares that much about, but its still MY work, and even if only one person sees it and is entertained by it, then to me, i've won. So in closing, I am a youtuber, and a fucking successful one.  And no one really knows it...... yet, and of course i'll never give up, I firmly believe I have something to offer a wide audience, i'm not quite sure what that is yet, but I feel like its my mission to figure it out, I owe it to myself to keep trying! and always give my best. Take pride in what you do, and if you believe in something enough, you will get it... after a long bitter road of absolute mental turmoil.... you'll get it.

Bren.

[punk-rock-pixie]

1-50 for the OC asks boi do 'em all

1. Your first OC ever?

FUCKIN MEI.

Cuz I was a weaboo piece of shit once. 

2. Do you have a personal favourite among your OCs?

Hazel and Wendy. My beautiful children. Hazel is a demigirl of the dystopian future and Wendy is a trans female elf of the same world Both do magic and alchemy. They’re gonna be girlfriends. 

3. Have you ever adopted a character or gotten a character from someone else?

I mean the time twins are made with the help of my friend Timmi

4. A character you rarely talk about?

That’d be Kuro. 

Made her back in 2012. She is a shinigami and she is a total mary sue.

5. If you could make only one of your OCs popular/known, who would it be? 

Either of the time twins, Wendy or Mr. Wicca. I love those four so much….

6. Two OCs of yours that look alike despite not being related?

Not really. I have two sets of twins and the others don’t look alike. 

7. Are your OCs part of any story or stories?

Yes. Kuro was part of the D. Gray-Man series. The time twins are part of this web comic idea called Eereree. Blue Topaz is of course my gem for Steven Universe.

8. Do you RP as any of your OCs? If you do, introduce one of your RP OCs 

I don’t but here’s Wendy and Hazel

Wendy: Good evening, chaps. My name’s Wendy. I currently am the assistant of Mr. Wicca. Love to stay and chat, but Mr. Wicca has me on some errands currently

Hazel: Evening, all. Hazel’s the name, alchemy’s the game. I… also really don’t have a lotta time. I’ve got a kingdom to rule after all because, of course, my brother won’t help me. He’s a pain in the ass, but I love ‘im anyway. 

9. Would you ever be willing to give any of your OCs to someone else?

LITERALLY TAKE KURO AWAY. 

10. Introduce an OC with a complicated design? 

I mean… None are super like hard… Mostly Wendy is hard because she has vitilligo, and I can never remember which pattern I used for her.

11. Is there any OC of yours you could describe as a “sunshine”? 

Maybe Mr. Wicca. He’s always excited about magic but idk he has his points.

12. Name an OC that isn’t yours but who you like a lot

I love the other eereree characters honestly. 

 13. Do you have any troublemaker OCs? 

Mr. Wicca is mischievous as fuck. He uses his elixirs to screw with people. 

14. Introduce an OC with a tragic backstory 

I have Kuro’s backstory up because I’m on my Deviantart page for this crap. 

I wrote this way back when so yeah….

Long ago when the world was created, small pieces of shiny fragments called innocence were scattered around the world after the great flood. One in particular was called the Heart… When people discovered this “Heart” it was somehow split into two halves- two sisters with large, white wings. Adam and Eve cared for these two…. until the day the Earl came. He stole half the heart. This part of the Heart *aka Dark (obviously)* was raised to become an enemy towards the human race. After about 200 years of being raised, the kidnapped part of the heart had become so sick and twisted with evil, that her wings turned an ominous black.Her sister, on the other hand, had learned how to survive on her own. She worked in a town called Mater building dolls, playing with the children, and helping those in need. *holy beep what a do gooder* Her wings may have stayed white, but they seemed to glow even whiter with every good deed she did.Soon, after about 400 AD, the two were locked in a supreme battle. The pure side thought her sister had betrayed the human race, but in reality she was only kidnapped and manipulated to kill. (NOTE: The Earl taught her that the human race was a foul thing, and it needed to die off)) From what the Pure girl had said, the Dark girl had turned on her “father” and killed him. Or so she thought…Now, in the 21st century the Earl is back and even stronger than before. The two girls have been doing all they can to keep him from sending the universe into utter chaos and causing the complete destruction of the human race…

15. Do you like to talk about your OCs with other people?

Yes! @dreamxng-forever and I constantly crack jokes about our eereree characters. Her princess is in love with the time prince, but she forgets he is like…. SUUUUPER fucking gay. “Is it hot in here or is it just you.”“Oh, Sar, uh. That’s just our kingdom’s natural climate. You see, we have lava falls…”

“Ohhh… Okay…. SO IS IT HOT IN HERE OR IS IT JUST-”

16. Which one of your OCs would be the best at biology (school subject)? 

Definitely Wendy or Mr. Wicca.

17. Any OC OTPs? 

Hazel and Wendy all the way. They’re girlfriends maybe. Mr. Wicca also would be nothing without Wendy. They’re very close friends. 

18. Any OC crackships?

  Not really????

19. Introduce an OC that means a lot to you (and explain why)

Chloe Lockwood. I created her in like sixth grade. First OC. I projected a lot onto her. Even though we was good at a lot in school, she was bullied a lot. She felt alone, but she had one really good friend who cared about her a lot. It’s something I went through when I was in elementary school. 

20. Do any of your OCs sing? If they sing, care to share more details  (headcanon voice, what kind of songs they like etc)?

Hazel and Hades sing a lot together. Hazel sounds a bit like a higher pitch Meg from Hercules. Hades has my voice essentially. Both are basically parts of me in a sense of like… idk. everything. Hazel is my more like…. Confident, get-shit-done side and she doesn’t take a lotta shit. Hades is more my sensitive side. He was affected differently by what the two went through I guess.

21. Your most artistic OC

Wendy. She draws flora and fauna when not in the lab. She probably owns an etsy or something. 

22. Is there any OC of yours people tend to mischaracterize? If yes, how? 

Hazel- She isn’t COMPLETELY stone cold and Hades really isn’t just a shy ball. Hazel can be vulnerable but doesn’t like it a lot. Hades really can fight. He’s just scared to. He isn’t totally helpless. Mr. Wicca is not good and pure. He is actually a terrible person, but Wendy keeps him under control. 

23. Introduce OC that has changed from your first idea concerning what the character would be like?

Hazel started out as having my dead name, much more feminine, and likes dresses. Now, she has some form of pixie cut or something punky, REFUSES to wear something to feminine because of her mother, and is also Filipino rather than white. Hades also became Filipino. Or they might be Japanese. Idk. 

 24. If you could meet one OC of yours, who would it be and why?

I’d like to meet the time twins. They’re both parts of my personality. Idk. 

25. The OC that resembles you the most (same hobby, height, shared like/dislike for something etc?)

The time twins, like I said lmao. Mostly the three of us share personality traits and interests. 

26. Have you ever had to change your OC’s design or something else about them against your will? 

Not really?????

27. Any OCs that were inspired by a certain song? 

Nope.

28. Your most dangerous OC? 

Likely Kuro. Again, she is kinda a mary sue in a way. Although, Hazel IS trained in combat so idk. Also Mr. Wicca straight up has magic. But probably Kuro.

29. Which one of your OCs would go investigate an abandoned house at night without telling anyone they’re going?

Mr. Wicca. He lives in a creepy haunted cabin already. 

30. Which one of your OCs would most likely have a secret stuffed animal collection? 

Well Hades has a not-so-secret one. Hazel might have one.

31. Pick one OC of yours and explain what their tumblr blog would be like (what they reblog, layout, anything really)

Okay so Wendy would have like this gorgeous like elven/fae/magic aesthetic blog filled with flowers, potions, and pretty stuff. You can SMELL the lavender off her blog. 

32. Which one of your OCs would be the most suitable horror game protagonist and why? 

The time twins. Think about it- rich kids probably in a super haunted mansion. They have to solve mysteries left behind by their dead parents? Idk

33. Your shyest OC?

Mei. She doesn’t like speaking. Crippling social anxiety. 

34. Do you have any twin characters?

The time twins and Mei/Yamiyo. 

35. Any sibling characters? 

Above answer.

36. Do you have OC pairs where the other part belongs to someone else (siblings, lovers, friends etc)? 

I mean. Most of Eereree are friends so. The main job of my OCs in an ever-changing future is to go back in time and be like “whatever you just did…. it fucked this shit up. Fix it”

37. Introduce an OC who is not quite human 

I have already. Kuro and Wendy. The twins LOOK non-human, but they are. They’re just like horribly experimented on. Well, and I also briefly mentioned Blue Topaz. She came out all skinny and weird. She has a scythe as her gem weapon. She’s blue I like her. 

38. Which one of your OCs would be the best dancer? 

Mr. Wicca loves to waltz. Blue Topaz because of fusion. 

39. Introduce any character you want 

I mean…. Okay. 

Mr. Wicca has been practicing magic for as long as he can remember. He’s about 500 years old and keeps himself young with necromancy. His assistant, Wendy, is an elf who is a few hundred years old. Both work together create potions and elixirs that they give to the time twins to sell. Mr. Wicca dyes his hair lavender to keep out any silver while Wendy dyes hers blue for fun. Mr. Wicca wouldn’t be anywhere without Wendy, and he sees her like the little sister he never had. 

40. Any fond memories linked to your characters? Feel free to share!

Just all the head canons between my eereree twins and @dreamxng-forever ‘s eereree twins.

41. Has anyone drawn fanart of your OCs? If yes, maybe show a picture or two here (remember sources & permissions!)

NO. OH MY GOD I’D LOVE FOR THAT TO BE A THING.

42. Which one of your OCs would be the most interested in Greek gods?

The Time Twins. 

 43. Do you have any certain type when you create your OCs? Do you tend to favour some certain traits or looks? It’s time to confess

Gay. Probably not human. 

44. Something you like about your OCs in general

They’re all very unique. 

45. A character you no longer use?

Kuro, Mei, Yamiyo, and Chloe. 

46. Has anyone ever told you that you treat your OCs badly?

Oh, yes. 

47. Has anyone ever (friendly) claimed any of your OCs as their child?

No. I don’t usually talk about my OCs 

 48. OC who is a perfect cinnamon roll, too good for this world, too pure

No. They’re all garbage people. 

49. Which one of your OCs would most likely enjoy memes

Hades fuckin ADORES memes. 

50. Give me the good ol’ OC talk here. Talk about anything you wantIf you want, you can tag your ask answers with #yetanotherOCmeme so I can check them out too `v´9 

 have a lot of diversity in my characters and I’m proud of myself for not going into like default for them

Hazel: Demigirl or maybe genderfluid. Idk. She uses She or they. Panromantic demisexual, polyamorous. Either Filipino or Japanese. Main ruler of the Clockwork Kingdom. She and her brother are people who survived through abuse. Super toned

Hades:  Cis graysexual/homoromantic boi. Social anxiety despite having to do public speaking every day. SUUUUPER bad ADD/ADHD. Takes potions for it because “medication is a social construct” he says. Chubby boi is trying to work out. 

Wendy: Trans MTF lesbian. black and has vitiligo. Insomniac and recovering from some eating issues. 

Mr. “Wics” Wicca: Albino. He’s not sure what he is. “I like what I like. I don’t know what the bloody hell I am” loves Wendy more than anything. She’s like his little sister and is very protective of her, even though she is a capable young lady. “Wics” is the nickname Wendy gives him to annoy him. 

[theconservativebrief]

I love celebrities and I love spending my money in inadvisable ways (I’ll never own a house regardless!), but I think the only thing I have actually purchased at the direct suggestion of a famous person is a pair of $80 Adidas Superstar sneakers.

These are the shoes Lorde wore in her “Green Light” music video and the Vevo-sponsored video for the choral arrangement of “Hard Feelings/Loveless,” and on many other occasions, including when she had the flu at the 2017 VMAs and appeared totally unhinged.

Do I regret this? Obviously not. It’s a classic, reliable sneaker, and Lorde is so beautiful and talented. I bought another pair after the first one got ruined by New York City’s hellish streets.

But it did make me wonder about a question many brands would like a clear answer to: Will people buy things just because celebrities tell them to? More importantly, will they do it more than once? Basically: When Lorde puts on a pair of Superstars, she’s not doing it for money. But would it be worth it for Adidas if she did?

Lorde performing at the 2017 VMAs in Adidas Superstars. Kevin Winter/Getty Images

This is trickier to answer than it seems on the surface. The status quo would say “yes”: Rappers are still getting paid to talk about Sprite, and thin people are still getting paid to talk about flat tummy tea. But it’s actually fairly opaque; a quick search turns up dozens and dozens of marketing and advertising executives and strategists asking, “Does influencer marketing actually work?”

We know that Coach has paid Selena Gomez $10 million and seen results as vague as “a significant spike in engagement and followers,” and we also know that brands are increasingly turning away from famous people and toward the far cheaper resource of thousands of normal people to do their outreach for them.

So what does the world of celebrity-influenced spending look like on the micro level? What are normal people — the people I work with, live with, or occasionally tweet at — spending their money on, and who told them to? I need to know! To that end, I asked them all the same question: What’s the silliest thing you’ve ever bought because of a celebrity?

Off the top, what I find interesting is that nearly every person who responded to my request started their admission with, “Not sure if this counts,” as if I were going to reply, “Actually no it doesn’t count; what you did is rational and smart not like all the other idiots I’ve been talking to.”

Sorry, friends! Not the case. If you bought something for no other reason than that a celebrity talked about it or wore or used it or was affiliated with it, it counts.

Here are the most ridiculous celebrity-inspired purchases my friends, colleagues, and Twitter acquaintances have ever made, from $3 bottles of juice to $95 cologne to a five-digit government loan.

Justin Bieber in Germany in 2012, in a sweatshirt. Just Jared

“Doing Real Stuff Sucks” sweatshirt, Justin Bieber

In 2012, while employed at a teen magazine, I bought this sweatshirt because Justin Bieber was photographed wearing it. The typography was good! The message was funny! (In retrospect, though, was it? Chalk it up to post-grad angst.) After some internet research, I figured out it was made by a Polish company, to which I promptly paid 169 Polish zlotys ($50) for a version with white lettering. The fit was weird, but I wore it anyway.

—Julia Rubin, editor at The Goods by Vox

Dior’s Sauvage cologne ad campaign featuring Johnny Depp. Dior

Dior Sauvage cologne, Johnny Depp

Two years ago, I was Christmas shopping for my dad at Macy’s and saw that Johnny Depp, an objectively terrible person, had endorsed a cologne called Dior Sauvage. [Note: This costs $95!] Intrigued by Depp’s rakish pirate looks in the in-store promotional displays, I stopped, spritzed one of those little paper strips, and inhaled. It smelled amazing — rich, spicy, dangerous. Exactly like a dad should smell.

I bought my dad the cologne, which he loved, and a year later, I was in the market for new cologne and bought it for myself. I continue to go on first dates with guys who tell me I smell amazing.

I am filled with shame.

—Casey Newton, Silicon Valley editor at The Verge

8Greens dietary supplement. 8Greens

8Greens dietary supplement, Min Jin Lee

I bought these 8Greens fizzy tablet supplements ($14) because I saw them on the Strategist three times under their “What [X celebrity] can’t live without” column. I love the Strategist, I love being told what to buy, and I will happily click on affiliate links. Anyway, I didn’t really care the first two times I saw these tablets because the recommendations came from Brooke Shields and Molly Sims. Brooke Shields has vouched for some shady products in the past, including those serums that are supposed to grow out your eyelashes but could spell big trouble for your eyes if it gets in there.

But the third time around, it was mentioned by Pachinko writer Min Jin Lee, and I was like, “You know this HBIC doesn’t play around when it comes to sensible goods.” Also, it was included on her list among other boring items like very thick socks and earplugs, so I felt like I could trust her.

I was vulnerable to purchases around this time because I was just on the edge of getting a cold, which is exactly what these tablets are good for. I haven’t taken them yet because I felt better by the time they arrived, but now I feel prepared for when I feel like I’m about to get sick.

—Dami Lee, tech reporter at The Verge

Kylie Cosmetics Lip Kit, Kylie Jenner

I bought a Kylie Lip Kit in college. [Note: This sentence was originally relayed in all caps.]

Candy K. I think it cost $29 plus shipping, which was, like, a full shift of my part-time job. I was enraptured by the idea of a lipstick that lasted all day, and Kylie’s Insta was the first time I had heard of matte liquid lipsticks. This was when they first launched and there were only a few colors, but they always sold out immediately, so I’m pretty sure I logged on during class to buy it [this phrase was also in all caps!] when she announced the next release.

But it turns out that to wear matte lipstick, your lips cannot be even a tiny bit chapped, and it dries them out even if they aren’t. So I hated it and am still confused about how it looks so good in pictures. Then I found out that her formula is basically the same as ColourPop’s and theirs cost, like, $6. But I didn’t even like it enough to buy any of those.

—Katie O’Brien, media publicist

Kim Kardashian West’s latest Kimoji perfumes. Kimoji

Kimoji perfume, Kim Kardashian West

At this point, I own three different Kimoji perfumes — the first one was a gift that I love, because 1) it’s a Kimoji heart and it’s genuinely adorable, and 2) it makes me smell like a cotton candy orgy. But then [Kardashian] stopped selling them and you can’t buy the Hearts series anymore, which made me anxious because I hate change.

When Kim released her next set, I bought the Kimoji Cherry perfume right away. It didn’t smell as good. Then I bought the Kimoji “vibes” perfume. It definitely didn’t smell as good.

Now I have three different Kimoji perfumes that I douse myself in sometimes before bed. They’re $45 each. I like to smell nice when I’m falling asleep, but also I just feel like a dumbass for spending so much money on Kim Kardashian fragrances. Perfumes last a long time. I’m going to smell like Kim well into my 30s.

I never watched Kim’s show but respected her as A Business. With recent Kanye events — since she’s married to him — and her becoming a weird PR mouthpiece for President Trump, I wouldn’t call myself a fan anymore. But she’s one of those people who’s too big to ignore because she has a hand in defining our larger pop culture.

Is she still a smart businesswoman? Absolutely. Am I complicit in a system of hero worship that has both helped fund her empire and given celebrities like her unprecedented political power? I reek of it, literally.

—Megan Farokhmanesh, culture reporter at The Verge

Merch from Kanye West’s 2016 Saint Pablo tour. sohosoles/eBay

Saint Pablo T-shirt, Kanye West

Kanye West made me spend $100 on a long sleeve Saint Pablo tour T-shirt. At least now I have something to wear when I go to a barbecue at my MAGA hat-wearing uncle’s house.

—James Rainis, music publicist

Marilyn Manson’s absinthe brand. Mansinthe

Mansinthe absinthe, Marilyn Manson

My ex and I once split the cost of a bottle of Marilyn Manson’s absinthe. It’s called “Mansinthe,” and it costs $66.66. I don’t like absinthe. I don’t even like Marilyn Manson! Still unsure as to why I did it. I think I’m very suggestible, or something about the idea of owning a whole bottle of absinthe appealed to me. For the record, we did drink all of it, but I still regret it.

It tasted like watery licorice. I felt like an idiot every time we took out the bottle and realized just how much it cost, but the good news was that it wasn’t exactly enjoyable to drink and also didn’t really get you drunk, so no one ever wanted more than one glass of it, and the bottle lasted us for, like, six months. So an okay investment, I guess? This was in college, and I would rank it as probably the second-worst investment I ever made in college, right after buying a pet snake.

—Shay Collins, information specialist at Cornell

Michael Jordan visiting his alma mater in North Carolina. Streeter Lecka/Getty Images

Undergraduate degree at the University of North Carolina, Michael Jordan

I went to the wrong college. [Cost: $55,000 in student loans]

—James Dator, producer at SB Nation

Martinelli’s apple juice, Aziz Ansari

I started drinking Martinelli’s after I saw Aziz Ansari talking about how good it was [on Master of None]. A few months after, I realized, “Huh, this isn’t discernibly tastier than regular apple juice, a beverage I’d never purchase. Over the course of, like, three months [I probably spent] approximately $90. They’re, like, three bucks a pop and I drank it semi-regularly.

I feel a little silly because I could have been drinking cheap-ass Minute Maid apple juice the whole time or, better yet, going with a beverage that isn’t so rich in sugar. But it’s not a steep enough purchase that I’m full-on embarrassed, which isn’t a coincidence. I don’t think I’d buy anything really high-stakes based on celebrity persuasion. [Note: Congratulations!]

—Charles Bramesco, freelance writer

Victoria Beckham at a book signing in 2001. Anthony Harvey/Getty Images

Asymmetrical bob, Victoria Beckham

I spent years and [lots of money] getting and maintaining the Victoria Beckham asymmetrical bob (you know the one) in middle school. For years, I lived in shame for having fallen prey to such an aggressively heinous fad and for having ruined five years’ worth of photos, but now I feel proud to have stanned one of our living icons in her earlier, tackier years. She also has one of the best celebrity memoirs, which I spent money on. Also, earlier this year I considered purchasing a watermelon cake, which she posted on her Instagram for her birthday. VB forever, one of our best celebrities for two decades strong.

—Tamar McCollom, publishing assistant

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Oakley sunglasses, Tom Cruise

I 100 percent asked for Oakley sunglasses for Hanukkah [at age 11] because Tom Cruise wore them in Mission Impossible 2. I think they were, like, $80. They were really expensive for kids’ sunglasses. Then I realized I looked like a dumbass and basically never wore them.

—Seth Rosenthal, writer at SB Nation

I am not trying to embarrass my friends. I only copped to having bought the Lorde sneakers, but quite honestly, there are so many celebrities whose taste and opinions I have cared about deeply for all of my adult life that I can no longer see where I end and they begin. I can tell you some things I almost bought at the urging of famous people, because most of these almost-purchases still live in my Chrome bookmarks, for another day when I’m weaker and needier and have a lot more discretionary income.

—Randy’s Donuts gray hoodie (price unlisted, and you can only order them over the phone?) because Harry Styles was photographed wearing one on July 4, 2016.

—Calvin Klein Eternity perfume ($73) because Jake Gyllenhaal was announced as the face of the campaign in October 2017, and I spent one calendar year of my life writing a weekly newsletter about him at no one’s request and for no money or acclaim.

—Airfare to Atlanta ($500) to visit 2 Chainz’s Haunted Pink Trap House ($65) and buy a souvenir T-shirt on which 2 Chainz is styled as Freddy Krueger ($30), because I love Halloween, I love spectacle, I love Wes Craven, and I love this iconic photo of Lil Wayne having to stand on top of a couch to get up high enough to put 2 Chainz’s tuxedo jacket on him at his wedding. He’s so tall!

—Kim Kardashian’s coffee table book of selfies ($23) because someone on Twitter — who has a lot of followers and a handful of New Yorker bylines — said that if Kim were to photograph herself naked every day until she was 90 years old, it would “actually” be really important performance art.

—A smiley face manicure (approximately $50) from Los Angeles nail artist Britney Tokyo because Playboi Carti has it and it makes him look rich and whimsical.

I don’t need any of these things, but typing them out, I still want them. What I love about Seth’s Mission Impossible story is that it has exactly the same logic as all the other stories, except it took place when he was a child. Buying something because a celebrity says so is childish — a doofy decision-making process based on nothing except whim and delusion of grandeur and failure to have a solid opinion of one’s own. And it’s really fun!

It’s also — as I hope these anecdotes illustrate — very hard to predict, and brands should not try.

Original Source -> Lorde’s Adidas sneakers, Marilyn Manson’s absinthe, and other things celebrities compelled us to buy

via The Conservative Brief