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imagining-in-the-margins · 4 years ago

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Here to Misbehave (Pt. 17 | S.R.)

Summary: Spencer is concerned about Reader’s growing impulsiveness, but Reader is the one who gets a call from JJ asking if she can come get her boyfriend. Couple: Spencer/Fem!Reader   Category: Smut (NSFW, 18+)   Content Warning: Discussions of drugs, death/dying, suicide, overdose; Alcohol, addiction, oral (male receiving), handjob, fingering, Daddy Kink, fights, PTSD, hospital talk, drunk smut w/ blanket consent Word Count: 12.5k

MASTERLIST

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When I opened the front door, I realized that I had returned to an empty home. I wasn’t sure which was weirder; the realization that the house was empty, or the fact that I was referring to her apartment as my home. It certainly had started to feel that way.

It never stopped being a shock that I would find a home in someone so quickly and with such little self-awareness. I'd certainly never suspected that the house we’d be in would also be shared with several other people, all of whom were significantly younger than me and shared almost no similarities with me beyond our love for (y/n).

And even if it wasn’t the weirder of the two realizations, the fact that she wasn’t there was definitely the more troubling one. I tried to gather at least a little evidence before I called her; I wasn’t exactly excited about being blindsided again. Judging by the red solo cups that were scattered in the kitchen, I had an idea of how her friends had spent the night. The fact that no one was here led me to another conclusion that I desperately hoped was inaccurate.

Her phone rang four times before she picked up, which was strange in itself. When she did pick up, she sounded like I expected her to. Tired. Groggy.

“Hello?”

“Hey little girl, where are you?” I hoped she couldn’t hear the fumbling of my keys in my pocket, or any other sign of just how anxious I’d gotten in the last three minutes. “Oh. I’m sorry, Spencer, I forgot I was supposed to see you today.” She mumbled, sounding genuinely apologetic if not a little confused.

“You… forgot?” I repeated, quickly making my way over to the calendar hung on a bulletin board outside the kitchen, noting the nothingness over both the current and following week.

“Yeah, I guess I got carried away with school.”

She was lying. I couldn’t be for sure about what, but it was obvious. If she was really having that much trouble with classes, she would have told me. We’d gotten past the whole insecurity over me thinking she was stupid thing a long time ago, and she knew I would always let her learn it on her own if she didn’t want my help.

“... What are you not telling me?” I tried to make the words playful, although my hand was now nervously patting the side of my hip at an alarming rate.

“Nothing! I just got distracted. I’m... a little busy today so we should just meet up again next weekend.”

“A week?” I knew she was probably getting tired of me parroting her words, but that just seemed like a ludicrous amount of time. Usually, we went barely a day or two without seeing each other when I was in the city, cherishing the time together when I wasn't called away to attend to crimes halfway across the country.

“What’s going on?” My voice was quickly falling into that register that warned her I was about to start profiling her, whether I wanted to or not. And unfortunately, she chose the worst possible reaction to that warning, further tipping me off to the fact that something wasn't quite right.

“Spencer, stop being weird.”

But I wasn’t. I knew that I could be weird; it’s kind of my thing. If you looked up weird in the dictionary, you wouldn’t find my name, but you’d definitely find a description that perfectly characterized my personality.

“You’re the one being weird. Turn on your camera.”

“I can’t. It’s dark in here.” She shot back her answer so quickly, I knew that she had already anticipated the request.

“Then move.” I ordered more than suggested. She understandably didn’t take kindly to my reaction, but I know she also knew why I was doing it. The excuses she was giving weren’t even well thought out.

“What is this? An interrogation?” She scoffed, “Do you think I’m cheating on you with barely dissolved stitches in my intestines?”

I took a deep breath, sitting down at the kitchen table still sticky with leftover sugary liquor and turned the phone onto speaker. “Turn it on.” This time, my voice broke with the order. As much as that didn’t make it sound authoritative, it did make her feel guilty.

As the screen lit up, it all made sense in the worst possible way. She was forcing a fake smile, her other hand resting against her face in a failed attempt to draw attention away from the the mottled skin of her left eye.

“I’m not cheating on you. Happy?” The words were sharp on her tongue, an anger in her features paired well with the understanding that I wasn’t wrong to be worried. I honestly think that was what bothered her the most – that she wanted it to be nothing, for me to be overreacting, but knew that it was a little more serious that she let on.

“I’m definitely not happy. What happened?” I was already at the door by the time the sentence ended... She shut off her camera just as quickly, hearing the commotion from my side. “Where are you? I’m coming right now.”

She sighed, and I could see it clearly despite the fact that she wasn’t on my screen anymore. “I don’t want you to come here. Spencer, I’m fine.”

I might have believed her. I might have honestly given her the benefit of the doubt – let her lie to me a little, and just accept that a black eye wasn’t the worst thing that could have happened. Eventually, she would tell me how she got it, so I wouldn’t need to worry about it.

But it became very obvious very quickly that it was not just a black eye.

“Ms. (Y/l/n)?” A third voice announced in the background, accompanied by the distinct sound of an alarm sounding in the distance.

“... Are you in a hospital?!”

“For fucks sake. I hate dating a profiler.” She grumbled, implicitly admitting that my conclusion was right. She wouldn’t let me have another word, speedily slurring her goodbye. “I have to go, Spencer. I’ll call you later. Love you!”

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Anyone who has spent a long time in inpatient knows that nosy nurses are both the best and worst kind of people to be assigned to your stay. They were the best because they always had the best gossip and would spend their precious little free time sharing stories about their lives that were always more entertaining than whatever poorly budgeted gameshow was on the old, staticky television.

They were the worst because one wrong move meant that you were the subject of gossip. And boy, were they good at getting it out of you.

“Trouble in paradise?” She sweetly hummed as she pushed my bed down the hall.

I wanted to tell her that there was trouble, and that it was through no fault of my own. If the other people in the hospital didn’t have the audacity to be sick at the same time that I needed a CT scan, then I wouldn’t have even still been here. I could have been back at home, where… well, I guess Spencer would have figured it out either way.

“Yeah, I guess.” I sadly admitted, playing with the string of my gown. “He’s just a worrywart.”

The woman had that glimmer in her eye, the kind that came from years of seeing the same stories over and over again. Although, I had a hard time believing she’d ever been in this exact scenario, I guess they were all kind of the same after a while, semantics aside.

“Well, that makes sense considering your current state.” It was more of a reprimand than anything else, and I audibly groaned to try and get her to stop there. She didn’t, though, having spent enough time with me to know I needed to hear it. “You were very lucky, you know. If things had been even just a little bit different…”

Couldn’t you say that about everything? If things had been even just a little bit different, I never would have met Spencer in the first place. We never would have fallen in love or fought or done any of it at all.

I didn’t like thinking about that. I didn’t like even considering a life without Spencer. No matter how much pain I’d been through, or what traumatic memories were dug up, they were worth it.

That’s what she wanted me to realize, and she had succeeded. Suddenly, as we turned into the room, I was overcome with guilt at the way I’d ended my conversation with him.

The nurse knew it, too, because as she transferred me onto the scanner, she smiled. “I’m just saying, sweetheart. If he woke up next to your hospital bed last time, I understand why he’d be scared.”

Chewing on my lips, I thought about the last time I was in a hospital. I thought about how Spencer had curled his giant lanky body onto the bed and barely slept for 2 weeks. I could see the way his eyes got more sunken by the day, but never stopped shining with relief. I could hear him chewing on ice because he didn’t want to leave to grab food until after I’d woken up, and the cold would distract him from just how hungry he was.

“He must love you an awful lot to be that worried.”

I hated when they did that; when they read my mind and said exactly what I was thinking.

“Yeah, I know.” I tried to smile. It was hard with the stabbing pain in my stomach and the aching in the entire left side of my face, but I managed. It was just one of those things where if I thought of Spencer, my body had to react. It was as natural as breathing.

Which, speaking of…

“Take a deep breath in.” The technician alerted me from the speaker.

The high pitched whines of the CT scanner weren’t as obnoxious as the MRI machine. I was silently grateful that they were still too scared to use the giant magnet. I wasn’t sure if I was ready to be stuck in a confined space, listening to loud banging that sounded too much like gun shots for my comfort.

Even just the thought made me nauseous. I felt like a baby, to have such a strong reaction to something so stupid. I’d been in an MRI before. I was a in a hospital. Nothing bad was going to happen to me, and I knew that.

But even now, in a machine that made virtually no noise and barely covered half my body, I wasn’t able to hold in a breath. Each time I tried, it felt like I was choking on Spencer’s lap again. The stinging in my stomach felt so much stronger, even though I knew it was healed.

The world felt like it was closing in on me, and every second that passed felt like days. I couldn’t even trust myself to guess how long it took for them to get images that should have taken no longer than 5 minutes.

I felt like such a burden. Like I was in their way. Like I was doing it wrong. Like I was a little kid, thinking that she knew what she was doing and could do it on her own.

I wanted Spencer.

That was the only thing I could think, and although it should have been comforting, it just left me feeling empty. The thought of him wasn’t enough to stop the tears streaming down my cheeks. The hands of the nurses trying to calm me down didn’t help, either. They felt wrong. They felt cold.

I just wanted Spencer. I wanted him to be there to hold my hand and distract me from my own thoughts. I wanted him to replace them with other things, like he'd promised me. I wanted to make new memories far away from here.

But I couldn’t. I was an idiot and I’d gotten myself back in the hospital, and he wasn’t here because I told him I didn’t want him to be. Why had I told him that? There was no reason that made any sense.

Once we finally did get out of the damn radiology department, I could still only barely function. The ride back to my room was much quieter, and the nurse didn’t meddle anymore. Gossip was only fun when it didn’t hurt like this.

Again, I couldn’t trust myself to guess how long I’d been in the CT scanner, but as we crossed back into my room, an overwhelming sensation of relief washed over me when I saw his satchel in the seat beside my bed. I hated the knowledge that I’d wasted 45 minutes of the technician’s time, but I was just so fucking happy that he had actually come.

Being alone in my room wasn’t a big deal anymore, because I knew it was only temporary. So as soon as I could, I sat up and waited patiently for my favorite mop of curly brown hair to peek around the corner.

He didn’t disappoint. He rarely did.

“Hey little girl.”

All the tension melted from my muscles, my head finally resting against the pillow with a dopey smile on my face. “Spencer.” I sighed, holding my hand out to him to usher him closer.

He gladly took the invitation, taking wide steps so he could be with me sooner.

“You shouldn’t be here.” I grumbled, flicking him on the arm while I locked our hands together. “But I’m glad you are.”

It was obvious from the way he let out a deep breath that he was also relieved to see that I wasn’t angry at him for coming. However, that’s also where his relief stopped. Because he’d seen me an hour prior and knew that I hadn't been crying then. But now, on top of the black eye, he saw the red rimming my sclera.

Taking my hand into both of his, he pressed a hard kiss against the back of it. Without looking up, he muttered into the skin a sad plea.

“Talk to me.”

“About what?” I asked, pulling back on my hand so he would stop with the shameless display of romance in such an awful place.

“Whatever’s going on.” He paused, but was clearly unhappy with the open ended question, and just as quickly specified, “What happened last night?

Unfortunately, I still wasn’t in the giving mood, even when it was information, and even if the person begging me for it was the boyfriend that I’d just cried for in the CT Scanner. If anything, that almost made it worse.

I hated feeling like this. Vulnerable.

“Nothing.”

Spencer was getting fed up, but it was like I couldn’t stop myself from fighting with him. I didn’t want to. I wanted to tell him that I needed him to take care of me and ask him to hold me while I cried on his shoulder about nothing at all, but I couldn’t. He would do it in a heartbeat, but I couldn’t ask him to. I couldn’t ask him for anything.

I couldn’t need anything without feeling too horribly guilty.

“Please don’t lie to me.” He was begging again, looking up at me with those impossibly warm amber eyes. He smiled when he saw the way my lips curled at the sight of him, unable to be angry for too long.

“Am I not allowed to have any stories for myself?” I joked, reaching forward to poke his face. Instead of moving away to avoid my hand, he leaned into the touch.

“You can. I just...”

“I know. You’re worried.” I responded with an exasperated sigh, rolling my head back. I could still feel him watching me, though, with a precarious smile, happy to see my spirits relatively high while also being deeply unhappy about the circumstances.

Wanting to see that full, confident smile again, I realized I didn’t have much of a choice. I’m sure that whatever he’d come up with in his head was much more sinister than what had actually happened.

“Fine. Stop looking at me like that.” I mumbled, gesturing to the childlike pout and laughing when he sucked his lips into his mouth in an attempt to follow my direction. I was glad he was still in a joking mood, because I had a feeling it would disappear as soon as I started talking.

I took a deep breath, looking up and away before I began my explanation of the stupidest night.

“I went out for drinks with my friends–”

“Drinks?!”

It hadn’t even been five seconds and he’d already cut me off. I couldn’t blame him, but it was so freaking annoying. This was exactly why I hadn't told him. Well, that and the fact he could get in serious trouble.

“I didn’t have any! Geez. Chill out.” I yelled back, chuckling a little bit at the conflicting looks of terror and relief. Because while he obviously believed that I didn’t drink any myself, it gave ugly context to the nightmarish guesses his mind had concocted.

“And everything was fine. We were on our way home. But then some asshole started messing with my friend. And she was way too drunk and started crying.” I was groaning internally the whole time, thinking about all the different ways this whole situation could have been avoided. Honestly, I don’t know why she had decided to try and square up with a cat caller when she knew damn well that she would start crying the second he raised his voice.

Which, of course, he had.

“So, I told the guy to fuck off. And he did not like it.”

There was a powerful rage boiling under the surface of Spencer’s skin, which was only betrayed by his clenched jaw and the sheets scrunched under his hand. “Did they arrest him?” He said, trying to calm the trembling in his voice. He wasn’t angry at me for being a victim, even if he was probably a little annoyed that I went out without telling him.

Not like he was even in the state, anyway.

“I didn’t press charges.”

He took a deep breath, clearly about to tell me that I was stupid for not holding him accountable. That I could’ve gotten hurt and he would’ve gotten away with it. That I could’ve died if he’d hurt me the wrong way.

I didn’t want to hear it.

“Stop. I didn’t want to go to court, and I’m fine. I didn’t even need invasive surgery again.”

Spencer was still angry but trying to settle himself down before he spoke. He could hardly even look at me, his hand leaving the bed to run through his hair and shake his keys in his pockets.

I wanted to tell him that the tension of silence was worse than if he’d just raised his voice at me, but I couldn’t even gather the energy to do that. My body and mind seemed resigned to their current state; they’d just given up.

“(Y/n)...” He started, and the hairs on the back of my neck stood up at the use of my name. They didn’t retreat, especially not when he dragged a chair over to my bedside, sitting down and placing a gentle hand over mine again.

“Are you okay?”

It was so sincere. So pure, so unforgivably kind. My hand that had felt paralyzed seconds earlier twitched under his. “I just told you.” I shrugged, fighting the urge to pull my arm away again. I wanted him here. I wanted him to touch me.

So why did it hurt? Why did everything hurt?

“That’s not what I’m worried about.” His voice broke, and I saw the way he was holding back tears with his tongue pressed against the roof of his mouth. He was biting back so many things he didn’t want me to know.

But again, I was too tired to fight it. So instead, I said nothing.

“It doesn’t take a profiler to see you’re hurting.” He continued, urging me to give him anything to work with. “How can I make it better?”

He just wanted to help. Why couldn’t I let him help?

“I’m fine. Nothing even happened to me.” My throat tried to reject the words, my brain screaming at me that they were fundamentally untrue. But my heart hurt, pounding louder in my chest to tell me that the logic was wrong. Because I was a big girl, and I shouldn’t be scared by things that already happened.

I’m safe, right? I don’t need to be scared, right?

Spencer could see the panic on my face because I couldn’t even have hid it if I'd wanted to. And my brain was telling me to not to. It told me that I needed to talk to him, to let him listen.

“That’s not true. You’ve been through a lot.” He bargained, trying to locate that little voice in my head with his offerings. He wanted to pull that small part of me out and force it to talk so that we might finally be able to start to move on.

“You go through worse every day.”

‘It’s common for patients suffering from PTSD to minimize their suffering or compare it to others. It’s a completely normal response, but I want you to try to resist belittling your own feelings. They’re yours, and no one else’s. Okay, sweetheart?’

The voice was so clear in my head, my body jerked in response. I looked around the room, looking for any sign of the man who’d told me them first. But he wasn’t here; he hadn’t been here for some time.

“Do you know how many profilers I’ve seen leave in my time at the bureau?” Spencer distracted me from the thought. He probably figured my flashbacks were more sinister than what they actually were. As upsetting as they had once been, hearing my dad’s voice in my head was usually oddly soothing.

“No.” I answered blankly, trying to pay all attention to the man who was still here.

“Four. And I’ve considered it myself.” There was a soft chuckle to hide the guilt in the admission.

I didn’t know why he felt bad for it; his job was so ridiculously difficult. On top of constantly having to rearrange his life on account of the various inextinguishable evils in the world, he had to face those evils every day and try to figure out their inner workings in order to thwart them. The only time I'd ever done that, I'd killed all three of them. Not the best track record.

“The first one, she... she reminds me a lot of you.” The soft twinkling in his eyes, much like emotional music in the movies, alerted me that a backstory was coming. Based on the extent of just how nostalgic he was coming, I guessed that whatever he was about to say was deeply important to him.

However, I was fragile enough as it was, and I didn’t need to add jealousy to my current emotional repertoire. “Is this another JJ origin story? Cause I don’t think I can handle it.”

He laughed, shaking his head at the frustrated pout that formed on my face. “No,” He said quietly, taking a pregnant pause to formulate the story. “Her name was Elle.”

The story he told was woven well, although I expected no less. He told it passionately and with absolute sincerity. He told me about the woman who was one of the first people he'd bonded with on the team. The playful relationship he described was painted so vividly in my imagination.

I wanted to meet her. But by the end of the story, it was obvious that it wasn’t an option. He didn’t say anything about it, but from the far off look I could guess that he hadn’t seen her since that last day.

“She was like a sister to me, and to see her fall apart and not be able to do anything to help her... it was one of the worst feelings in the world.”

And I understood then, why he was worried about me the way he was. He was projecting his previous experience on me, but things were different with me. At least, that’s what I told myself. Realistically I should have been reminding myself that she'd had the training and resources to overcome her obstacles, whereas I was basically still a stupid kid. The prospect of facing the reality was too difficult though; I just shrugged it off.

“Well, I already killed the people who did this to me.” I chuckled.

Spencer did not appreciate my humor. There was an even stronger concern that flashed over his features, worried by my flippancy over the death of three human beings.

Fuck, I should feel worse about it than I do, shouldn’t I? But if I thought about it, then it hurt so badly. If I had to pick one, I would pick apathy every time. I would choose the emptiness before the ocean of remorse.

“I’m not worried about them.”

I had drifted away from him again, and the sentence forced me to look at him.

‘I’m not worried about them. I’m worried about you.’

I’d said that before. Those were my words.

I pulled my hand back from Spencer, rubbing my forehead with both hands before wincing at the sharp pain around my eye socket. It took me a minute to focus on the sentence and dive deeper into its implications. But once I remembered why it instilled such a visceral reaction, I nearly gagged on the words.

“Wait, you think I’m going to kill myself?”

“I didn’t say that.” He quickly responded in the most defensive manner possible. If that was his attempt to calm me down, it did not work. It only pissed me off even more.

Because there was only one reason why he would think I was going to kill myself. I hadn’t given him any reason to believe that was a risk. Yeah, sure, I was being reckless and impulsive, but I was a teenager!

“Why would you think that?” I demanded an answer, and he was immediately hesitant to provide one. It was all the evidence I needed to reach my conclusion. “Don’t lie to me, Spencer Reid. You asked Hotch, didn’t you?”

He sighed, leaning back in his chair now that it was obvious, I wasn’t going to want him to touch me. “Yeah, I did.”

“You told me you wouldn’t, Spencer! You promised!” I ground the words out between my teeth, hoping he understood just how much I was holding back my volume.

He looked over at the screen monitoring my heart, noting the way the spikes appeared at an exponentially faster rate. “I know.” He whispered with an evident guilt.

“What did he tell you?” I hated the way my voice shrank with my shoulders, my body insisting that I assume to the smallest position I could. Because as much as I hated that Spencer had asked when he told me he wouldn’t, I was desperate for the information.

I’d always wanted to see the files, to hear the story as they knew it. I wanted to know what happened, and this was probably the closest I’d ever come to that, unless that whole Ouija board thing is real.

“Probably the same stuff that you already know.” He knew he was disappointing me. He shouldn’t have felt as bad about that as he did, but I’d take the implicit apology for what it was.

“Tell me anyway.”

Spencer should have been delighted to have the opportunity to talk at me for such a long time, but I also understood why he wasn’t. They weren’t the best topics of conversation, your ex-best friend and your girlfriend’s dead father. But he was a trooper and a skilled conversationalist, despite people not being able to understand that.

“He told me that there were several missions your father was a part of that ended controversially. That… he reported several violations that were never followed through on.”

The words so easily unlocked memories I had tightly and resolutely locked away, it was unsettling. I could hear my parents arguing about the philosophy of blame and responsibility. My dad always arguing that he couldn’t stand aside and let innocent people get hurt. My mom reminding him that he couldn’t save everyone.

‘We also get to see a lot of good.’ Spencer had said on our first not-a-date.

‘Yeah, but which do you see more of?’ I’d asked, and he’d avoided the question. I remembered seeing the question dance across his vision before he shut it out. He'd wondered why I was so confident in my conclusions.

“And the last mission…”

He didn’t have to wonder anymore.

“I saw the report.”

My breath was knocked from my lungs by an invisible fist to my damaged gut. I swallowed, trying to regulate my heart that was at risk of setting off the damn machine next to me. “What did it say?” I whispered, clutching onto the sheets and my gown, hoping it would be enough to keep me grounded.

“Killed in action.”

“That’s fucking bullshit.” I barked, my brows furrowing regardless of just how badly it hurt to contort my face so badly. “He didn’t– H-He wasn’t–“

“I know.” Spencer responded, a note of pity in his voice that made my face twitch in annoyance.

I turned to him with the same snarl, years of repressed anger resurfacing and wreaking even more havoc on my already destroyed life. “Do you? Do you know?”

“I mean, I can’t ever know for sure but… You weren’t the only one who felt that he...” He couldn’t say the word suicide, and for once, I was grateful. “It seems like all of his team had the same concerns.”

He was trying so hard to calm me down, to placate my fears and rage. He was sympathizing the best he could, but the truth was he would never be able to understand just how fucked up it was. He hadn't been there when it was happening, so the only thing he could do was try to slap a band-aid on a well-settled scar and hope that my not being able to see it made it hurt less.

“I’m sorry.” He uttered the two words cautiously, his heartbreak clear in his eyes. He had nothing to apologize for, but there he was, doing it anyway.

“For what?”

“That you’ll never have your answer.”

I don’t know what I expected him to say, but his answer took me by surprise. Of all the explanations I’d heard after an unnecessary platitudinous apology, I’d never heard that. And even worse, I’d never heard it in such a broken way, sounding for all the world like he believed he'd failed tremendously.

“I’m sorry that... that I couldn’t find it for you.”

I couldn’t stand the sight, and my hand found his cheek like it did so often, returning home to find that it was just a bit more stubbly than I remembered it. “It’s not your job, Spencer. We’re not one of your cases.” I assured him, running my thumb over the rough skin and remembering that he’d only just gotten home from exactly that: a case.

He did so much for me every day, but in the past few months he’d had to do so much more. And as much as I tried not to, I took him for granted so often. It was never as obvious to me as it was in that moment, when a tear slid down his cheek at the tenderness of my touch. He always expected anger and pain. I didn’t want him to feel that way with me.

“But thank you for trying. I appreciate you.” I tried to throw my soul into the words as they formed on my tongue, but all that came out was a pathetic whimper. “I love you very much.”

“I love you, too.” He sighed into the small embrace, leaning his weight more heavily into my hand. Still holding back, he grimaced at the words he shared. “If I’m going to be honest, I looked something else up myself. Not on any FBI database just... old school research”

I wanted to act surprised, but it was the least shocking thing I’d heard in a while. So instead I just stared at him, with the closest I could come to boredom while still being interested in what he had to say.

“Yeah? What’d you find?” Finally settling into the inevitable resignation, I moved my hand up the side of his face to tangle in his hair. It was so soft despite not having been washed for a few days. I could tell he hadn’t slept much. I wondered why he'd bothered digging into my past in the precious little free time he had.

But then he said it, reminding me of the pain of the cemetery and the events that both preceded and followed it.

“Trent Loughton.”

My fingers stopped in their exploration of his curls for a second, but eventually continued. “I see.” I hummed, trying not to push the conversation any further than he wanted to take it. As emotional as the topic was for me, it must have been harder for him. After all, he was the one who shared the nasty habit with Trent.

“I-I saw how he died... and I think I can fill in the rest myself.”

“Mrs. Loughton did give a lot of clues.” I laughed, mostly to stop myself from crying. That woman didn’t deserve any more of my tears. It was because of her that I’d spent years trying to convince myself that Trent’s death wasn’t my fault. Deep down, a part of me still believed her.

But honestly, it wasn’t my opinion that really mattered to me. It was Spencer’s. If he thought I was a failure, or that it was my fault for what happened, I wasn’t sure we’d ever be able to move past it. I wasn’t sure that I would ever be able to move past it.

“The drugs he overdosed on... they weren’t yours.”

Relief washed over me, but my mind told me not to get too comfortable, yet. “No, they weren’t.” My body had such a strange reaction to the words being said without an argument. I didn’t need to convince Spencer; he already knew. He not only believed me – he had come to the conclusion himself.

“So why did you say they were?”

It was such an easy answer, I knew he had to know it already. His hesitance to come to conclusions on my behalf, while appreciated, wasn’t necessary in this situation. “Pretty little girl with no record and a batshit war hero dad stood a better chance in the criminal justice system. I didn’t ask my dad to protect me, but he did.”

Spencer clearly sympathized with my father more so than me in that moment, which made my heart flutter in a remarkably inappropriate manner. I just couldn’t stop thinking about the fact that those damn psychologists were right – We really do sometimes pick men that remind us of our fathers.

“It wasn’t your fault.” Spencer said under his breath, and I wondered which one he was even talking about. It honestly could have applied to my whole life. He would have meant it each time, too. Because to him I couldn’t do anything wrong. I tried to take solace in that, but it honestly caused another voice to creep into the back of my mind.

I’d never be as good as he saw me. I’d never be worthy of his love.

Shoving those anxieties away again, I nodded in solemn recognition of the years I spent working to come to that same conclusion. “I know. It just took me a while to figure it out.”

My hand finally fell away from his face, although he grabbed my wrist to stop it from going too far. There was another hesitancy in his body language. His face turned down and his leg bouncing so gently I almost missed it.

“Is he the one you were talking about? The one you loved?”

Ah, nothing like a subtle hint of jealousy to boost a girl’s ego. I chuckled at the sound, swaying a bit in place to let him suffer a millisecond longer. “No. Not exactly.”

But then I genuinely couldn’t figure out how to say it. How could I describe what we had shared, when I'd spent so long trying to forget it? Had I loved him? Probably. No, I'd definitely loved him, just not in the way Spencer was thinking. Not like I loved Spencer.

“It was like, he always liked me, and I always thought we’d end up together because that’s how it happens in the movies, right? I was supposed to fall in love with him.” I ranted, trying to move my hands that were currently wrapped up in Spencer’s. “But I didn’t, and then he was gone and...”

We both stopped, his eyes trailing after me with questions he didn’t voice yet. He wanted me to finish before he decided whether or not they were worth it. I wanted to explain to him that they weren’t. As important as Trent was to me, he was gone.

“It’s fine. I’m sure he would be glad I found someone who makes me happy.” I was confident in that, at least. Because as I stared into those big hazel eyes, forcing themselves to stay open just to listen to me talk about my life, I was glad, too. “Even if that someone snoops too much for his own good.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

There were many reasons, most of which I didn’t want to go into. But the way he was looking at me shattered my heart into a million pieces, and I knew that if I lied to him now, it would only make it harder to put those parts back together.

He just wanted to help. I knew I should let him help.

“I didn’t want to think about it.” I admitted for the first time out loud. “I didn’t want to consider all the similarities. I didn’t want you to think I was just looking for a man to replace the ones I’ve lost.”

I couldn’t tell when I started to cry, but it was even more exhausting and painful than normal. Which is why I didn’t hesitate to accept Spencer’s offer when he stood up, wrapping his arms around me just tightly enough that it wouldn’t hurt.

“I didn’t want to lose you, too.” I whined, the comforting scent of his cologne filling my lungs and reminding me of all the beautiful moments we’d shared so far. We had so many more to go.

“You won’t lose me. I’m here to stay.” He said, reading my mind like he always did.

“I know.” I started to laugh, but this time it wasn’t held back by secrets. “You’d think a girl could lose you by getting in a bar fight an hour away and going to an unnamed hospital but nooo...”

He laughed too, although his was much more reserved. Spoilsport.

Spencer’s arms tightened around me briefly, holding me closer to him before he backed away, his hands finding home on my cheeks. I anticipated a kiss, which was usually what happened when he held me like that. But he didn’t kiss me, instead giving me a gentle instruction.

“(Y/n), look at me.”

My eyes, bruised and dry, still opened at his command.

“No jokes. No lies.” He asked, clearly enunciating each word. “Should I be worried about you?”

All I could hear was the sound of my heart and the humming of the machines. I was brought back to the CT scanner, the way it felt to be choking on air. Flashes of other men I loved were racing through my mind. I couldn’t save them, I remembered, before my eyes landed back on Spencer.

My stomach twisted at the memory of a wooden box, a check, and suddenly all I smelled was the pine of the forest.

“(Y/n)?” He asked again, although I saw he’d already received half of the answer.

“No. I’m fine.”

The most terrifying part about it was that I believed what I said, but the look on Spencer’s face told me that I was lying. And I believed that, too.

—————————————————

The thing about coming back from a gunshot wound to the stomach is that it takes a ridiculously annoying amount of time. Like, yeah, the pain is something awful, but the wait for things to return to normal was even worse.

I didn’t even know how long it’d been, my brain blocking out anything that reminded me of that day. If I ever really needed to know, Spencer could tell me. I was basically only keeping track of the days by deadlines for school and the dwindling prescriptions I had left.

My follow-up appointment was next week, and it couldn’t come soon enough. Spencer told me he would come with me, but I hadn’t really heard from him in a couple of days. He didn’t even have time to tell me about the case, although I could tell it was one of the “bad” ones – not that there were really any “good” ones.

But still, it was almost 11pm and I was about to go to sleep, but I wanted to wait a little bit longer before I called it a night. I was just hoping that I’d be able to talk to him, even if it was just to say goodnight. I missed his voice like crazy.

So when my phone lit up, I didn’t even look at the caller ID. There weren’t many people who would call me this late on a Friday – my friends were all already out for the night.

“Hello?” I sang into the receiver, already excitedly spinning around in my chair.

But the voice that responded was decidedly not Spencer.

“Hey, (y/n), right? It’s JJ.”

Her voice rang like a record scratch through my head, and I halted in my chair. “Oh, hey JJ... Why are you calling me?” Suddenly, my enthusiasm morphed into an overwhelming anxiety and darkness that threatened to crush everything in its path. “I-Is everything alright?”

But then I heard it. The sound of terrible music, loud laughter, and the general bustle of a restaurant. It was followed by an even more nervous JJ, “Uhh, yeah. Everything is fine. I was calling because Spencer might have had a few too many drinks and—“

Above the chaotic noise that I just described, I heard Spencer Reid loud and clear. Well, maybe not the clear part. His inaudible slurring sounded vaguely like a rant I’d heard before. Then again, hadn't I heard them all at this point? ?

I hadn’t put it together yet, though, and once I did, I couldn’t help but laugh. “My boyfriend is drunk? Cute.”

I was already standing, gathering my things and tossing my jacket on to head out when I asked, “Do you want me to come get him?”

“Please.” I’d never heard a more relieved woman in my life. The very thought of him driving his best friends insane with his drunken lessons was enough to combat my exhaustion. The poor thing was probably humiliating himself one sip at a time.

But for every chuckle, I was really just hiding a deeper concern. Spencer wasn’t supposed to be drinking. Spencer wasn’t allowed to drink, and he knew that. Out of the two of us, he was the one who put himself at risk more often, and I had a goddamn bullet wound.

“Sure thing. Just send me the address.”

It dawned on me somewhere along the 20 minute drive that Spencer had not only finished his case, but also come home and gone out for a drink with his team. Normally that wouldn’t bother me, but the fact that he hadn’t told me about any of it...?

I tried not to think about it, knowing that talking to him about it tonight would be a waste of time, anyway. From the way he'd sounded over the phone, he wouldn’t be in any state to talk about the deep nuances of addiction and our relationship.

So I pushed it away, trying to enjoy the fact that I’d be able to see him again. Now that we’d cleared the air about my past, things felt strangely calm. I told myself it wasn’t just the eye of the storm because I wasn't sure I could handle much more excitement lately.

Showing up at one of the bars I used to frequent didn’t do much to convince me otherwise, either. The stench of cigarette smoke and alcohol hit me like a freight train as soon as I stepped out of my car. How did I do this every other night before?

As I approached the door, I didn’t even recognize the bouncer’s figure in the shade of the dim porch light. I recognized his voice, though, that’s for sure.

“Hey Jailbait, haven’t seen you around.”

Shit. Slower now, I hesitantly approached him with the most innocent and well-meaning look I could muster, knowing full well that another part of my life was going to be exposed tonight. At least this time, Spencer was the story and not the listener.

“Hey Tom...” I nervously laughed, drawing out the words while I came to a stop.

“Heard some pretty crazy shit went down to keep you off the scene. Must be bad if it keeps you away from me.”

It was weird to think that they talked about me. But I guess it was to be expected; we were all friends before Spencer Reid. And when someone in those friend groups goes missing suddenly, there’s usually reason to be worried. But in my situation, the worry wasn’t really necessary (aside from the whole being shot thing, I guess).

“Crazy is a good word for it.”

He leaned forward, beckoning for me to move in even closer with a wave of his hand. I complied, although I was a little confused as to why we were being so secretive.

“Hey, sorry, but... I can’t let you in tonight. You know I normally would, but the place is swarming with feds tonight.”

Then I remembered that I actually had to explain the reason for my absence, rather than just think about it in the abstract. “Oh no, I know.” I peered around him, trying to spot the man past the door. It wasn’t hard, considering how goddamn tall he was.

I pointed to him, causing Tom to turn with an amused grin before I explained, “I’m here for the drunk noodle man.”

The look on his face – hilarious, and a little insulting.

“What? Jailbait’s picking up a fed? Damn girl what’ve you been into?” He laughed, barely able to control himself. He laughed so hard, in fact, I’m surprised there weren’t tears in his eyes.

“Stop that.” I whined, but he didn’t listen.

“Does he know who he’s dating?”

The question hurt more than he could have anticipated. I didn’t want to confront those messy feelings, so I bundled them all into an annoyed exclamation. “Yes, he knows!” I huffed, crossing my arms and turning away from him as I stepped towards the door. “So can I go get him?”

He composed himself rather quickly after that, shaking his head and unhooking the rope that blocked off the door. “Please do. If I have to hear one more fact about Ancient Rome, I might quit.”

With the last obstacle gone, I happily skipped through the door, the excitement returning in a bubbling wave through my chest. “Thanks, Tom!” I chirped, barely giving him a glance as I raced through the door.

The only person more surprised to see me than Tom was Spencer. Although, to his credit, I did practically launch myself at his side. We both nearly toppled to the ground thanks to our lack of coordination, but we were luckily stopped by the bar he was leaning against.

“Boo!” I shouted in his ear, hearing a small, surprised gasp from my boyfriend.

“(Y/n)?” He turned towards me now, stars quickly forming in his eyes as a big, goofy smile spread across his face. It took him a minute, but eventually he recognized me in the dim light.

“Hey old man.”

Hugging me back just a little too tightly, he began to gush, “Oh my gosh. What are you doing here?” Of course, before I could answer, he came to several other conclusions. “Wait! This is a bar. You can’t be here! You aren’t twenty one!”

He thought he was whispering, but he definitely, definitely was not.

“I’m here to pick you up, not party.” I actually whispered back, turning to see JJ practically hiding at the table. I’m guessing he hasn't wanted her to call me, although I was pretty sure he wouldn’t care at this point. He seemed pretty happy I was there.

“You can’t pick me up. You’re hurt.”

I didn’t even know where to start with that, so I just chuckled. “Smart as a whip, Dr. Reid.”

I ran my hands over his shoulders, smoothing out the wrinkled dress shirt he'd either had no time to iron, or had worn to bed the night before. I didn’t like either of those options. Spencer must have noticed me analyzing the fact, because his hand came up to stop me.

Trying to quickly change the subject, I blurted out over the terrible music, “Even when I’m hurt, I can probably still pick you up. You probably weigh the same as me.”

He scoffed, looking down at his lanky body compared to mine before shaking his head. “That’s hurtful, (y/n).” He attempted a puppy dog face, which only made laughter burst from my pursed lips.

Grabbing hold of his wrists and pulling him away from the bar, I turned and waved to the few team members I could spot among the crowd before returning to my drunken idiot of a boyfriend. “Come on, love. It’s time to take you home with me.”

When the cool autumn air hit him, I felt the goosebumps ripple over his arm. He leaned a bit closer, resting too much of his body weight on me for my comfort, but I wasn’t going to tell him to stop.

“How did you find me?” He mumbled, trying to touch me more than he currently was. Pushing him away from me was supposed to serve as a gentle reminder that we were in public, but he didn’t seem to care about that at all.

“JJ called me.”

“They all like you a lot. So do I.” His fast responses were a little less impressive considering how spontaneous they seemed, but I let it slide. As long as he was saying nice things, it was fine by me.

Guiding him as gently as possible, which is to say not gently at all considering he was essentially a human giraffe, I sighed. “I’m glad to hear it, Spencer. Maybe I can actually hang out with them one of these days.”

The guilt appeared before I could stop it, but it was the least of my worries at the moment. More concerning would be getting him into his house and in bed without either of us doing something stupid. After all, he was usually the one who stopped me from being stupid. And so far tonight, he’d already done something pretty damn stupid.

As I pulled the driver side door closed, a silence filled the car. Spencer was stuck between staring at me with a lovesick smile and looking away, probably because of his pink cheeks making him look a perfect combination of embarrassed and plastered.

“So what had you drinking, Spencer?”

“A case.” He shot back with that voice he usually reserved for the bedroom. It was the voice that told me not to press, to take his answer and let it die.

Unfortunately, I couldn't really do that this time, concerning this particular topic. . “Good thing or bad thing drinking?” I asked quietly.

I think he wanted to snap at me, to tell me that it was clear he didn’t want to talk about it, but he didn’t. The way my hands and words trembled told him that I was just as scared as he was that the answer might be the wrong one.

“I don’t know,” was what he said, instead.

“Okay.” I accepted that answer, understanding that it meant we could talk about it later, when his blood went back to normal and his mind was where it should be. “We don’t have to talk about it.”

And there we were, me sitting and staring at the indicators on the car as the engine turned, and him staring at me in the little light provided. After staring back at him for a moment, I had to ask the glaringly obvious question.

“Why are you staring at me like that?”

That’s when Spencer Reid let out an honest to god giggle, his hands reaching out to massage my face that no longer showed any signs of the black eye I'd received a few weeks prior. “You’re sooo pretty.” He drawled, slumping over in his seat so he could rest his face against my shoulder.

I couldn’t help but laugh back, petting his hair for a second before returning my attention to the wheel. “Oooh, I like this.” I whispered, letting my heart skip a few beats as he nuzzled into the warmth that only I could provide him.

“I love you.” He mumbled against my shirt, letting out a deep breath before apparently trying to fill his lungs with the smell of my laundry detergent.

The sensation of his breath hot against my neck caused a familiar desire to stir in me, just barely beaten out by the even more powerful adoration I had for the puppy-like man who was already practically asleep on my shoulder.

“I love you, too, darling.”

He didn’t hear me, his soft breath indicating that he would be out for the drive. Taking my time to avoid the roads with potholes and curves, I managed to keep Spencer on me the whole way back to his apartment. Once we were there, though, I didn’t have any option but to wake him up. Unlike him, I definitely could not carry him out of the car.

It took him a surprisingly long period of time to realize that we were not, in fact, at my place. As soon as he did notice, he rubbed his eyes like it would transform the door in front of him. “Why didn’t you take me home?”

“This is your apartment, babe.” I explained, digging through his pockets to find his keys. He jumped at the contact before letting out a sound that was way too close to a moan for him to be making in the hallway.

“Yeah that’s not home.” He answered, swallowing down other noises that threatened to erupt by the time I withdrew my hand. “But home is–“ He hiccuped, patting his finger on my nose as he tried to stabilize his feet. “Home is where you are.”

“Mmm, so smooth.” I hummed, unlocking the door and shoving his drunk ass into the apartment before he could do something else that made me question whether I should just turn around and go home.

But he just looked so proud of himself, spinning around on his feet and crashing into the table beside the door. “Thank you!” He chirped, reaching forward to grab my hand and pull me closer.

When our bodies pressed together, the first thing I noticed was the fact he was clearly much more excited to be home with me than he was letting on. The thin fabric of his slacks left little to the imagination, and when my hand slid over the tent in his pants, there was nothing left to wonder.

“I brought you here... because I didn’t want to have to be quiet.” I purred, palming his erection over his clothes.

Through his broken moans, he still managed to ask the silliest question: “Why are you going to be loud?”

He was so fucking cute; so remarkably innocent in his drunken stupor, it was hard to remember that he was the same man that once finger fucked me on the metro.

“Why do you think?” I asked just as sweetly, making quick work of the buttons on his shirt.

Spencer still just stared, mesmerized by the way the buttons slipped from the fabric between my fingers. Once they were all open, I ran my hands over his chest before wrapping my arms around his neck.

He was the one to close the gap, coming down to deliver a feverish kiss against my lips. He tasted like honey and whiskey, and I wanted nothing more than to drown in him. His hands were on my lower back, sneaking under my shirt and spreading goosebumps all over my skin.

I moaned into his mouth with the utmost desperation, murmuring words against his lips. “Take me to bed, Spencer,” I begged.

The words awoke something in him, and suddenly, his hands were off of me and raised in the air.

“Wait— I can’t.” He concluded, drawing in heavy breaths.

“Why not?”

I wasn’t sure which part of this situation did him in, although I had my suspicions. As much as I wanted him, I would suppress those urges if he was really, truly uncomfortable. I almost felt bad for a second, but then he spoke again.

“I have a girlfriend.”

With a few slow blinks, I tried to figure out how the hell I was supposed to return a serious answer. Deciding that was impossible, I deadpan replied, “I am your girlfriend, you absolute idiot.”

I took his stunned silence to be permission enough to start leading him into his room. He honestly looked like I’d just told him all the answers to the universe, and he trailed after me like my hand was a leash. Still, once I sat on the bed and pulled his body against mine, he paused again.

“My girlfriend can’t— she’s hurt. She can’t have sex with me.”

I got the impression he was trying to reason with himself more so than with me, which explained the third person. But it was deeply unsettling, because I really needed to know he was here in this moment with me.

“Stop saying 'she'. It’s me, babe.” I gently reminded, and I watched it dawn on him again, his eyes lighting up in the darkness. Sliding my hand up his arm, I pulled him forward to hopefully convince him to climb into the bed with me. “And we don’t have to have sex.”

Funny enough, Spencer was the one who had enough sense to strip off most of his clothes before he stumbled onto the mattress after me. His lack of coordination was even worse with the alcohol, and it reminded me of the virginal teenager I’m certain he once was.

It was strange to consider, that if we’d met each other under different circumstances, at a different time, our roles might have been somewhat reversed. To picture him as an innocent little thing was... kind of exciting.

But he was anything but innocent now, his face hanging over mine while he helped me disrobe, trying to focus his analytical abilities on me in his haze. Finding no pain or hesitancy, he crashed his lips over mine with an energy I hadn’t seen in some time.

And it was so invigorating, to feel his skin against mine without him having to constantly worry about whether or not he was hurting me. It’d been far too long since we shared a bed together like this, and now that it was happening, I could hardly breathe.

“God, I love her.” He whispered against my skin, before quickly correcting himself, “I love you.”

I laughed, the kind that sputters from your lips when you try to hold it back. Pushing the hair from his face, I ran my fingers over his scalp. “How drunk are you?”

“I’m not drunk, I’m stupid.” He replied with a cheeky smirk, diving back down to kiss me again. I wasn’t going to argue with the brilliant Spencer Reid, even if the point he was making was that he was, in fact, stupid.

Maybe it was stupid, the two of us tangling up in his sheets despite the fact that I hadn’t been cleared for it yet by my doctor. I knew that it was coming soon – probably at my appointment in a couple weeks, actually – so why wait? I knew that Spencer would never hurt me. Even now, his hands were gentle in their insistence, raking over my hip and stopping just short of the place where I really wanted him.

“Fuck, you’re so beautiful.” He groaned, his hips rocking forward and pressing his erection against my leg.

“Touch me.” I ordered, louder and more forcefully than I intended. I was expecting an argument, but I didn’t get one. In fact, Spencer’s finger had already breached my folds before I even finished talking. Unwilling to let him be the only one to enjoy himself, I reached down to grab his cock.

“Shit.” He hissed, biting down on his lip while he rutted against my hand. “I just want to hold you down and fuck you until you cry.” The restraint was obvious in the fingers slowly sinking into me, his jaw clenched and his eyes barely able to stay open. “But I can’t.”

Through my heavy breaths, I panted out another request. “Tell me more about it.”

He immediately realized why I’d asked, and his fingers began to pump in and out of me faster and with more force, his lips trailing kisses over to my ear. While I tried to keep up the pace of my strokes, it became more complicated when his breath fanned over my ear.

“It’s been so long since I bent you over and had my way with you like I did that morning over your kitchen counter...” He moaned, and I could almost feel the sensations as he remembered them. Although his fingers would never be the same, just having him inside me in any capacity felt like pure bliss.

But he wasn’t done, continuing to speak his thoughts into my ear. “I just want to—fuck, I want to fill you up.” I went to respond, but I choked on a sob, instead. The lewd sounds between us only aided his descriptions.

“God, I love the way you feel. You’re always so wet for me.” He whispered, beginning to make small thrusts with his hips. The movement essentially allowed him to use my hand to stroke himself, and he let out another unsteady moan at the contact. “Think about what it feels like, little girl.”

“I-I am.” I could barely make the words come out; my body too sensitive to his touch after being starved of it for so long. And Spencer was ready to take full advantage of that.

“I still have so much planned for you. Don’t think I’ve forgotten about that little stunt you pulled when you got all riled up.” He growled, using his free hand to grab a fistful of my hair. He yanked my head further to the side, laying sloppy kisses along my jaw. “I told you I’d give you triple the marks you left on me, and I can’t wait to cover you with me.”

“Fuck. Please, Spencer.” I hoarsely begged, my hand on his shoulder tightening so that my nails dug into his skin. If his grip on my hair wasn’t so tight, I would have thrown my head back. Instead, I just squirmed underneath him, crying out, “I’m so close, Spencer, please!”

He did not disappoint, his fingers curling inside of me with each thrust, and by some grace of God, he was able to coordinate his thumb over my clit. As if that wasn’t enough, he pulled back to look me in the eyes.

“I want to feel you come on my fingers.” It was more of a demand than a desire, as evidenced by the way his hand tugged on my hair. “Come on, little girl. Make daddy proud.”

Just like that, my body responded to his call, my muscles trembling from the tension as my orgasm hit me like a fucking freight train. It was such an overwhelming experience, to remember exactly how Spencer was capable of making me feel.

And he knew it, too. “Oh, good girl,” he cooed, continuing his kisses against my neck and murmuring the words as they came to him. “That’s my pretty little slut.”

After taking my time coming back to earth, I struggled from the overstimulation still burning between my legs. Spencer hadn’t stopped his fingers, which were diligently stroking inside of me while he continued to buck his hips against my hand.

“I want you to finish inside me.” I slurred in my delirium, withdrawing my hand from his dick while he whimpered.

“I-I can’t. I can’t fuck you.” He was asserting a necessary and understandable hard limit, and it was clear I wouldn’t be able to convince him to fuck me that night.

But that wasn’t the plan, anyway.

“That’s not what I’m talking about.” I said between gasps, struggling against his fingers still inside me. “Come up here.” I whined, rubbing my hands on his shoulders while simultaneously trying to sit myself up.

The movement and the words made him withdraw completely. “(Y/n)...” He warned, running a hand through his hair while he sat up on his knees. “I could hurt you.”

“That’s always been a risk with us, Spencer.” My retort was both quick and persuasive, judging by the way he almost moved, but stopped himself yet again.

“Please. Please, do it. I want you to do it so fucking bad.” There was an obvious and deep desperation. I was literally begging him, to the point that I swore I almost cried. It felt stupid, but I needed him like I’d never needed anything in my life before. He’d spent months taking care of me, and I couldn’t do anything in return.

I just wanted to make him feel good, to give him something like we used to share.

Of course, I think those thoughts were also visible on my face, and they were obviously worrying him. With tender touches, Spencer’s fingers lightly trailed over the side of my face. The brief flashes of clarity alerted him of my struggle, and he let out a shaky breath at the war inside his own mind.

“I want to feel you inside me, and this is the only way.” I concluded, trying to lead him to the simplest conclusion. It was the safest, easiest way to solve both of our current problems. And although I could see how hard the decision was for him, my pleading eventually bested him.

“Fuck.” He mumbled, leaning forward to grab the headboard, staring down at me as I shimmied further up the wood.

“Fuck!” He repeated, rolling his head back with a light groan when both of my hands reached forward to grab his hips. “Fine. You’re lucky you’re so fucking cute.”

A giggle bubbled through my throat, and my body actually bounced in excitement as he slowly positioned himself in front of me. I wasn’t even sure which I was more excited for, my own orgasm or getting to finally give him one again.

As soon as my mouth closed around the head of his dick, I got my answer. Spencer’s moan filled the room, his hands holding so firmly on the headboard that the entire bed creaked. Although I figured he’d been taking care of himself in my absence, it appeared that wasn’t entirely the case. He seemed just as starved as I was.

“Holy shit.” He groaned, dropping a hand to the top of my head. I had to remind myself that he was drunk, which explained why he seemed so much more responsive than normal, with whimpers and pants flowing steadily through his mouth. He only got louder as he began to slowly push himself further into my mouth, stopping every few inches to retreat before pressing further.

“God, I need to do this more often. No back talk, no whining.” He said in a low tone under his breath, beginning to settle on a steady rhythm.

Meanwhile, I couldn’t think of anything except how fucking good it felt to be useful again, to feel him struggling to hold himself back as he started to more aggressively fuck my mouth. My eyes could barely stay open, but I needed them to. I needed to see him in the dim light of the streetlights that peered through the window.

He looked so beautiful, so perfect, and so mine. Feeling him slide back and forth against my tongue revived memories from long before and reignited my longstanding desire to do anything to please him. In all his caretaking, I was worried he might have forgotten how to control me.

But he hadn't. Thank god, he hadn’t.

“Come on, little girl. Earn your fill.” He whispered, burying himself in my throat and holding me against the headboard. I only lightly choked on the intrusion before my body complied, swallowing him further until my lips were pressed against the base of him.

Suddenly, Spencer withdrew, beginning a brutal, dizzying pace. Now, my eyes couldn’t stay open, rolling to the back of my head as I used my hands to steady myself against his thighs. The sobs trying to escape felt more like moans, and they shoved Spencer over the edge he’d been riding in his caution.

“That’s it. Take it.” He barked the instruction, looking down at me and smiling, “Don’t you dare spill any of it, do you hear me?”

My answer was stifled against him, just the way he wanted it to be. And with a few more rough thrusts, Spencer buried himself as deep as possible. I swore my heart synchronized with the pulsing against my tongue as his seed spilled down my throat.

I hollowed my cheeks, trying to drain every last drop from him as he finished. It had its desired effect, and Spencer grabbed my hair and forced himself deeper one more time with a growl. “Good girl.”

Once he had enough, he pulled out of me with a satisfied grunt, waiting just a second before clumsily falling onto the bed beside me. I laughed as he hit the pillows, obviously too tired to even reposition himself in the disastrous sheets.

“Thank you, daddy.” I spoke in the silence, gingerly cleaning the spit that had dripped down my chin.

“Fuck.” The curse was muffled in the pillow, but I understood it well enough. He seemed more concerned when I started to sink down into the sheets again, reaching a tentative hand out to him.

Finally rolling over, he grabbed my arm and guided me closer. “Come here.” He said with the tenderness I’d grown used to over the past few months. He turned towards me, apparently not ready for me to sleep on my side just yet.

He brushed my hair from my face, lifting the sheets to look at the now mostly healed wound. I hated it when he looked at it. It just reminded me that I’d never be the same girl he first met. Every time he saw it, he would remember that day. I didn’t want to think about it.

“Are you alright? Are you hurt?”

But even with the insecurity and anger in my gut, I wasn’t lying when I answered. “No, I’m fine.” My heart was so full, my body relaxing for the first time in so long. I was just so unbelievably happy to be together again. Even if it wasn’t like last time, it was still just as wonderful.

“I’m a little better than fine, actually.” I admitted with a bright smile.

Spencer hummed something in thought, but then winced. “Do me a favor.” He mumbled, rubbing his eyes and wiping a heavy hand over his face.

“Anything.”

“Kick my ass in the morning.”

He was caught off guard by my response, which was a full-hearted laugh that was too loud for how close the two of were. But I couldn’t help it, it was just so Spencer to still be punishing himself despite the fact that nothing bad had happened.

Once I calmed down enough to talk, I turned to him with a devilish grin. “I don’t wanna.”

Then were both laughing, and Spencer pulled me close to him until he could rest his chin on the top of my head, curling up against my side. “Spoiled brat.” He whined, running his hand through my hair and down my arm.

When I smelled the whiskey on his breath, the guilt hit me just as hard as any of the pleasure. I'd been so excited to get to experience this with him again, I almost forgot the reason he didn’t want to do it in the first place.

He just didn’t want to hurt me. He just wanted to make me happy.

“I just wanted to be with you again... I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable.” I whispered, pulling the covers up so that I could hide my shame beneath them.

“I wanted to be with you, too.” He reassured me, half asleep and barely able to talk but wanting to get the words out. “I know it’s important to you, but I need you to know I would be with you even if I never got to touch you again.”

“Please never stop touching me.” I quickly replied, a genuine worry in my eyes.

But when Spencer glanced over, he just laughed, “I don’t think that’s going to be a problem.”

“No? Even when I get pregnant and have a big ol’ belly?” I playfully answered, bringing his hand to my stomach and pressing it against the side that still remained intact.

The familiar position caused a shift in Spencer’s body language, and suddenly he was even more insistent on being impossibly closer. “You’ll still be irresistible to me.” He said against my hair, running his fingers lightly over the unmarked skin of my lower stomach.

“We’ll see, I guess.” I mumbled, not realizing that I said it aloud until I heard his confused reply.

“What do you mean?”

“Nothing.” The defensiveness in my voice was terrifyingly transparent, and I hoped that if his drinking made him forget anything, it would be this conversation. “Go to sleep, drunk ass.”

“I need hugs and kisses first.” He complained, rubbing his nose against me in a way that should have been irritating instead of adorable.

“Spoiled.” I grumbled, reaching a hand up to play with his hair. I turned to kiss his cheek through the smile that was plastered over my cheeks.

Already half snoring in his sleepy state, he got out one more cringe worthy joke before he succumbed to his exhaustion. “What’s good for the goose...”

“...is good for the gander.” I finished for him, before taking the advice and following him to sleep.

—————————————————

| Part 18 |

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prettywordsyouleft · 4 years ago

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The Cowboy - Part 8

Summary: Leaving the city for a rural area called Blayne seemed simple enough. Your task was to convince the people to agree with selling their land for a resort redevelopment. But once there, you soon realise that your city ways are entirely different to theirs. Winning their trust was going to take some effort, and when you start to fall for a local cowboy, you wonder if you really needed Blayne more than the city life after all.

Pairing: Jung Jaehyun x female reader

Genre: cowboy au / drama / romance / if you squint there’s some enemies to lovers up in here.

Warnings: Jung Jaehyun is a cowboy, need I say more? (a bit of angst and drama, and it sometimes might feel like you’re reading a Nicolas Sparks book, so I’m told lol)

Word count: 2426

This series will be updated every Thursday and Friday.

Preview | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9

You were still fuming when you met up with June at the coffee shop an hour later. It wasn’t hard to genuinely smile at her when she waved you over, however, and you moved towards the table and took a seat across from her.

June smiled warmly. “I’m so glad you agreed to meet with me today, dearie.”

“It’s a pleasure. Thank you for taking time out of your day to spend with me. But what made you choose here over Blayne?”

“My sister runs the diner, as you know. I love her, but I’m certain she doesn’t remember the taste of real coffee. I sneak off here once a week for a proper brew.” You giggled with June as she reached out for your hand on the table and gave it a little squeeze. “Our little secret?”

“Definitely. As long as you allow me to join you for that cheeky coffee each week too.”

“It’s a deal!” June gave your hand another friendly squeeze. “I know you’ve figured out I’m not from Blayne by now.”

“You-you have?”

“You’re too smart to not have done,” she surmised and paused as the drinks she had ordered were placed down in front of you both. After thanking the clerk and taking a sip of her coffee, June smiled once more at you. “My husband doesn’t understand there are multiple types of coffee aside from white or black.”

“Wow! What about Jaehyun? I noticed he doesn’t seem to drink coffee much.”

June smiled knowingly. “I thought he might have been with you last night. That answers that puzzle then.”

“Huh? Oh no – I was just making an observation – I mean, well…” Rubbing the back of your neck as June chuckled, you grimaced. “Are you annoyed about it?”

“Goodness no! You’re the right type of person to show my son another side of life.”

“Me?” you asked, and June nodded. You smiled curiously. “Really?”

“You remind me of myself back in the day. I was arrogant and only saw one way of the world when my parents sent May and I off to our uncle’s for the summer. Our mother said it was time we learned about hard work.”

You didn’t know whether to say anything and awkwardly tried to reflect over the referral of being like her, and in the next sentence, she mentioned she had been arrogant. You worried if you had been as narrow-minded as Pierce was earlier when you pulled up at Blayne too.

Thankfully you didn’t need to say anything for the woman to continue. “I hated it, of course. There was nothing to do like I would in the city. Back then, there was even less than there is now. But we did have a theatre.”

“A theatre?! It’s not there now. Did it go out of business?”

June smiled sadly. “It was part of the loss in the fire we had. It’s such a shame. I have so many fond memories of that summer spent in the theatre.”

“Is that where you met Mr Jung?” you guessed, and the tell-tale smile across her lips urged you to lean forward in delight. “Did he romance you?!”

“He was such a charmer,” she told you, grinning brightly. “And I was a fool for a man in a cowboy hat. That smile of his sealed the deal.”

You giggled with her, the image of Jaehyun upon his horse this morning returning to the front of your mind and securing a similar fate for you as it had his mother. Your smile lessened as you grew intrigued. “How did you get used to living here over the city?”

“At first, I was grateful to be back home after the summer. We had agreed to write to one another whilst I was home, though that didn’t last for long. I found the city too busy after spending my days in the countryside for three months. I lasted until Christmas that year and begged my parents to let me move to Blayne and live with my uncle.”

“Did May go too?”

June shook her head. “She hates Blayne.”

“Really?!” you gasped and looked at June. “But--”

“Our parents moved to Blayne when my uncle lost his eyesight to take over the farm. What a nightmare that was. Had it not been for Avery’s father, who was a farmhand of my uncle, helping us, I think we would have caused the whole family to go bankrupt.”

“And now May and Avery’s father run that farm in your family’s stead?”

“Our parents are no longer on this earth. May did everything to convince her husband to leave Blayne with her to raise Avery in the city, but his roots are Blayne born. May then focused on building Avery up to believe the city life was for him, yet he’s back here again. My sister is convinced her life is cursed. Though, she loves being the center of the gossip in that little diner of hers.”

“You’re sharing so much with me about your life,” you mentioned hesitantly, and the older woman gauged your expression. You nodded. “I’m appreciative, you know. When I saw you weren’t originally from Blayne I couldn’t quite fathom it. I guess since I’ve never experienced love strong enough to pull me away from what I know, it seemed like a foreign concept.”

“And now?” June asked.

“Hm?”

“I’m asking how you feel now after being in Blayne for a month? I’m wondering if there’s something or someone here that might change that heart of yours.”

You didn’t answer verbally. With the way she smiled with satisfaction a moment later, you knew she had seen all she needed to know within your gaze. “How about you come over for dinner again tonight, Y/N?”

“You’re coming in early today, boys,” June greeted when Jaehyun and Avery found her in the kitchen, both of them kissing her on the cheek fondly.

You smiled weakly when Jaehyun’s surprised gaze fell onto your face. He then grinned lopsidedly. “What are you doing wrangling Miss City into your kitchen tonight, Mrs Jung?”

“Your mother is teaching me how to cook.”

“Making sure you can marry her off to one of the eligible Blayne men, are you, Aunt June?” Avery taunted, and you threw the tea towel you held at him. Avery caught it with glee.

“I wanted to learn how to make her infamous banana cream pie.”

“Because it’s someone’s favourite,” June mused, shooting her son a look. Jaehyun grinned knowingly and kissed his mother on the crown of her head before announcing loudly that he and Avery should wash up. Waiting for his cousin to leave the room, Jaehyun darted to your side and kissed your cheek in greeting, causing you to shoo him off with an embarrassed chuckle.

June was absolutely delighted. “That boy of mine is more of a charmer than his father. You have your work cut out for you, dearie.”

“You’re telling me,” you claimed with another laugh, focusing on slicing the bunch of bananas until the heat dissipated from your cheeks.

Dinner was playful this time. Jaehyun wasn’t nearly as silent and since he was seated beside you again, it allowed for him to secretly hold you under the table. Linking his fingers with yours, he pulled your hand into his lap and held it there fondly, running his thumb over your skin now and then.

Whilst June was clued on, it seemed her husband wasn’t. You weren’t sure why his approval mattered most to you, and further, did you even have much to be approved by the elder for so far? You didn’t know what to call the connection between you and Jaehyun. It wasn’t a seasonal love like June had begun with, yet you didn’t want to dismiss the growing feelings you harboured for her son either.

Jaehyun made you smile constantly and your insides warm. That was it.

Still, you worried that would be frowned upon by his father, your morning concerns quickly resurfacing. The last thing you wanted was to be seen as using anyone to your advantage by sleeping with them. That spoke nothing of your character or professionalism.

Once again, Mr Jung spoke to Jaehyun and Avery only about the farm. To you, he asked simple questions about the house you were staying in and made subtle suggestions about going back to the city.

You knew he was your biggest opposition to getting any work done in Blayne.

“Your first mission is to secure that land.”

Every time you went to speak about your plans in Blayne, Mr Jung changed the focus entirely and you felt hopeless up against the man. You were usually capable of working with the pickiest of clients back in the city.

Back in your jurisdiction.

This was the Jungs’ land, though. You were an outsider who didn’t have a place yet in this township. You were growing friendly with everyone on a basic level, but no one regarded your place here professionally yet.

“I was thinking about housing-”

“Did you check that the gates to the pens were locked?” Mr Jung cut in over the top of you and after looking at you, Jaehyun sighed and nodded.

“Yeah, Dad. Of course. Y/N was talking, though.”

“What about water? That darn well is busted again.”

“I covered it, Uncle. Don’t worry!” Avery answered and you lowered your head, feeling defeated tonight.

“Y/N,” June called and you shot back up to look at her, the woman smiling warmly. “Come help me with the pie, won’t you?”

Discreetly letting go of Jaehyun’s hand, you excused yourself from the table and followed June into her domain. She got out the bowls and spoons and handed them to you. “Darling, don’t try and bring up that conversation at the table. Whilst I love my husband entirely and know of him only as a good man, he won’t listen to you. The dinner table is a place where he discusses light-hearted things or constantly nitpicks over the boys and their efforts for the day. I’ve tried to change him, but as his wife of thirty-some years now, I can’t say I’ve done a good job.”

“I don’t feel he gives me a lot of credit for my position here, understandably.”

“Still, he should give you the respect you deserve. Let’s do business during day hours, dearie. I’ll help you plan a meeting with him when you’re ready to present whatever it is. I can’t say he’ll be supportive or accept your proposal, but he will listen to you completely.”

“You’re amazing. You know that?”

“I’m just a mother. And I can’t help but take care of all those who come my way. Whilst you’re here in Blayne, you let me know of anything you might need me for. I’ll be there.”

“Your father doesn’t like me, much,” you admitted softly, as Jaehyun drove you home later that evening. You had left your car at your place when June had encouraged you to come home with her earlier in the day, and now you realised why she was insistent on you travelling with her.

You smiled at the thought of Jaehyun’s mother planning for him to take you home tonight, even if your heart felt heavy.

Glancing at you briefly before returning his gaze to the darkened road, Jaehyun smirked. “My father doesn’t like me much, either. Don’t let it get to you.”

“Surely, he does.”

“Only when I do something for him on the farm. I was a bit of a troublemaker in my past, so he’s been harsh on me ever since.”

“What did you exactly get up to?” you asked, interest piqued. Jaehyun’s lips split into a toothy smile, but he didn’t respond. “Come on! You knew how to budge open that window!”

“I also knew where your keys were that whole time,” Jaehyun confessed, and you frowned.

“Wait. What?”

He grinned. “I took them out of your pocket when you leaned over to me from Roger’s back. Mostly because they were slipping out of it and I wanted to keep them safe.”

“Then why didn’t you just open the front door like a normal person would?”

“So now I’m not normal, huh?”

“Is it a Cowboy thing?” you wondered, flustered with the change of events.

“I guess I wanted to make you fall into my arms sooner than fate was setting us up for,” he admitted with a shrug, and you rolled your eyes. Jaehyun reached into his jeans’ pocket and held up the keychain, dangling it.

Taking them from him, you grumbled. “I was seriously fooled by you!”

“I’ve been a fool for you since you arrived. See us as even, Y/N.”

“You can’t just charm me like that when I’m frustrated with you!”

Pulling the truck to a sudden stop in the middle of the country lane, Jaehyun looked over at you. “You’re frustrated with me?”

“Well, shouldn’t I be? You knew where the keys were all this time! I was worried about how to bring it up to your mother that I lost them!”

“Keys can be replaced.”

You nodded. “I know, but-”

“If you could go back to that moment where you were fumbling around in your pocket and panicking, knowing full well if I gave them to you that what we’ve bared between one another already wouldn’t have happened, would you still wish I gave you them damn keys?!”

Staring at his expectant gaze, you lurched forward, grabbing the collar of Jaehyun’s t-shirt and tugged him until his lips found yours. It was heated, and you moaned when your arm hit the steering wheel as Jaehyun reached to pull you closer. Tongues now entwined, the passionate embrace didn’t stop until both of you were out of breath.

“Well?” Jaehyun prompted, resting his forehead on yours as he sucked in a deep breath.

“Just hurry up and take me home, Cowboy. But this time, take me through the front door.”

Jaehyun smirked as he put the truck back into gear and started to drive down the road again. “So I can have you pressed up against it once it’s closed?”

“Your mother warned me that you’re a charmer. If only she knew just how wicked you were for my heart.”

“What we do behind closed doors is none of my mother’s business, Miss City. But if it takes me carrying you over that blasted threshold to make you happy tonight, I won’t miss a beat in pulling you out of this cab with me.”

_________________

Part 9

[NCT Masterlist] | [Main Masterlist] | [Request Guidelines]

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lamalefix · 4 years ago

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Okay so, a couple of weeks ago started my new journey.

I've been reorienting a bit in the past few years.

As much as I loved and will always love psychology, developmental and learning psychology specifically, brain (to be read exclusively with zombie-like voice) and its physiology, disorders and rehabilitation and so on, I found that Human Resources was a field so interconnected with what I studied and caught my interest. It didn’t always have my interest, I thought at first that this kind of organizational, managerial thing wasn’t fit for me but...

... Sometimes life treats you good when you least expect it, sometimes the things you do, the tiny choices you make on the road, change your life, your journey completely.

And it's quite a long story so sit down, take a cup of tea and let me tell you this story...

Please note that I’d use nicknames for the story, not because I want to add privacy at the matter but because I usually use those names with my friends (I’m weird, I know)

We live in a pretty chill, green area in Rome.

For some reason beyond my knowledge, when we bought our apartment, back in 1998, we ended up to live near my godmother.

She had a couple of dogs, and has a lot of dog-friends and dog-owners-friends.

A lot of you know I have a dog (Zelda, that beautiful silly golden retriever who loves to snuggle with my shoes), and when this story started, due to my internships and different jobs around the city, was usually my ma the one who took her on her strolls.

Before we decided to get a dog, right after my master's degree graduation ceremony my godfather (my godmother's husband) died.

It hit hard. At five in the morning on a cold day at the end of january my godmother called and told us the news. He had a heart attack and died on the spot, while working.

I clearly remember the last conversation I had with him, a couple of days before he died. He was walking his dog and I was waiting the bus under our homes. He was always so funny, he made a joke, and if I close my eyes everytime I step near that bus stop, I still hear him laugh and huff something along the lines of “Urgh going to the gym at this god-awful hour by bus, you really want to suffer”, and I smile everytime. But aside of my weird choices about my fitness life, this isn’t the story I want to tell you about.

After his funeral, for the next months before my internship started, I practically only slept at my house but lived at my godmother's to help out. So there I met two beautiful men (in both the inner and outer sense), that we’ll call Grey Fox and Tall-n-young, that lived across the road. They had dogs, Grey Fox had two adorable sausages dachshounds and Tall-n-young a chubby half-beagle. My ma just fit in, like a clockwork, rolled around them, every evening walked with them without a dog, but with them and my godmother, her sister and their dogs. (The story of how my godmother found her new stray dog on her husband's grave and he looked at her when she called him with her husband's nickname is for another time but... You know).

Meanwhile, my dad at work meets a new coworker whose wife is a pet trainer. And everything clicks in the right place.

I went to met Zelda (fishing my hand into the litter and she chose me by licking and snuggling against me - and my shoe) only a few months later.

But this isn't the story of how I met my dog either. This is the story of how I met my boss and how I decided I wanted the HR Management field to be something to pursue.

I met my boss, mentor and friend in a very weird moment of my life. I was finishing two contemporary internships at a Private Centre and a University Centre that offered help to families with kids with developmental and learning disorders. Up til that moment I knew my job would have been in that field, developmental psychology and rehabilitation, even if it was a stressful place to be at some point. I wanted to be a psychologist since age 5, not a princess, never a princess, who cares for princesses? I worked, without being paid (because that's how internships work for psychologists in Italy) more than 40 hours a week, from monday to saturday 8 am to 8/9 pm, and I hat to take a lot of work, papers and so on home, for over two years... And you'd say, "Why Giulia did you like it so much?".

One of my friend urged me to quit because I was so tired, couldn’t find time for myself and I just found out I couldn't enter the PhD I wanted, but I needed my abilitation at least, be a psychologist.

Meanwhile my ma was always around with the dogs and her new friends. She met Lovely, another dog owner who took a liking in me. A beautiful lovely girl, who sadly had a very aggressive cancer, that took her away three years ago.

One day Grey Fox who shared his birthday with Lovely invites me over along with my ma and my dog, because Lovely wanted me there. I never met Grey Fox’s partner up til that moment, everyone said he worked a lot, everyone said he did weird hours and travelled a lot, and he was doing something very similiar to what I studied, he worked as something like a therapist. (Something you’d call a life coach, in hindsight),

So, when I get there I finally met him, we will call him Nose-y (because you know, he has a pretty big nose), my boss, my mentor. He was sitting on that beige sofa in Grey Fox’s house, one of the dachshunds licking the back of his head, the other snuggling on his lap. And we start to talk. About tv series, about psychology, therapy, schoo, learning processes, about work and career paths. He said he was about to quit is job and move forward to get something done by his own hands, and open up what you'd call a start-up in coaching and HR management.

He wants me on his boat, he wants me to help him.

And that's how it started.

But not when I decided I wanted to go in this direction. As I said HR management and coaching per se, are like very close and interconnected with psychology, but I always sat on another corner, walking another path. Preferring underlying brain processes and biology more than production and management.

That decision was took sometime later.

After he quit his job as a top manager and Lovely died, after i got my abilitation and started to help out as a volunteer with elders, homeless and people with social and financial difficulties.

One day Nose-y asks if I want to join him and an actress and acting teacher, a beautiful woman that we’ll call Blondie, in one of their workshops.

We end up in the centre of Rome, in a theatre right behind Piazza Navona. The participants were members of a high performing team of a big org, I don’t remember the names, and I wouldn’t even if I tried.

They enter at some point in the theatre, and it doesn't need a psychologist to know that they are broken. Blondie makes me sit behind the light and sound effect technic table, and instructs me how to help out with that. Music, lights, enable their (our?) method to be even more effective.

The theatre is a underground thing, like a cavern-ish, basement in the centre of Rome, a typical thing you’d call a cellar that you’d find in old buildings.

I didn't know when I went there that morning, at the end of june, that I'd make some final decision by sunset.

The team, I was saying, was a tiny super-high performing team. But with high performance comes high stress level. And one of them killed himself. And they found him in the morning, in their office. And in that dark theatre they were blaming each other, and Luigi and Marta's job was to accompany them through grief and acceptance and restore their team work. By the end of the day, they were all more able to communicate, to listen, to help each other.

That was the moment. When I saw them leave, Nose-y and Blondie all tired and all wilt on a couch, but satisfied that I decided. I wanted to change, to be a better person, maybe a better manager, for a better future. I wanted to be one of the many people who work in HR Management that can be a support for emplyees, I wanted to be the change, to be there to help managing that work/life balance.

I don't know where this journey will lead me, I don’t know if I’d make it, if I’d get to be the better version of myself, the better version of what i wanted to be when this thing first started but...

I’m on my way and the only thing I can say is, it’s never too late to change direction, to pursue another dream, to have a new vision of that future you want to build.

It’s never too late. You can always grow up.

#long post #personal story #self-empowerment #something like that? i guess

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shadows-twilight · 4 years ago

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RWBY Volume 8 Chapter 13

May various thoughts and opinions on the penultimate episode of RWBY Volume 8, “Worthy”.

Jesus Christ

SPOILERS BELOW:

Another Light Sensitivity warning. Oh boy.

Of course Jaune gets to be the guinea pig. Poor guy.

“If anyone will need help, it’s them” I don’t know, after all the shit that went down at the end of “Before the Dawn”, this might actually be a cakewalk in comparison.

Nora looks like a witch on a broomstick riding Magnhild like that and I kind of love it.

Can we get Penny some shoes. Poor girl’s going to be in the desert with bare feet.

I was very excited to get our first look at Vacuo and Shade. Should’ve figured they wouldn’t be spoiling us THAT hard. Though, to be fair, you couldn’t ask for a more Vacuan welcome.

Well, on the bright side, whoever ends up falling is going to have the company of about two dozen randos. Cinder definitely knows how to make an entrance.

I’m going to take a wild guess that Cinder’s not being all that sincere with her regret towards Neo? I mean, her acting isn’t exactly Oscar-worthy (Cinder’s, not Jessica’s. She’s actually gotten really good over the years).

Of all the things I expected the last question to be used on, this was not one of them.

Jinn looks genuinely upset to have to answer this. Aww, she likes them. But, you know, a genie-allegory’s got to do what a genie-allegory’s got to do.

Cinder officially knows that Emerald is on the side of the angels. The fact that her reaction wasn’t bigger is actually quite telling.

Damn, that cold cut between the people looking surprised and all of them being dead. Brutal. RIP, Bill.

“You deserve this, Arthur”. Oh boy, he’s going to die!

You know, it’s subtle, since their faces can’t move much, but I think Elm properly heard Robyn when she made the point about the kingdom being it’s people, not the city. Good on you, Elm.

The bomber robot is giving me serious Terminator vibes.

Marrow is just raking in those “good boy” points this volume, isn’t he? Dud just took a bomb to the face for these people.

So, umm, did Watts let Ironwood out on purpose? Particularly for the purpose of stirring the pot? That certainly seems like something he would do.

Well, uh, RIP Jacques, I guess. Not gonna lie, I figured that would have been more satisfying than it was. Oh well, rot in hell, dirt bag.

And there we have it, the first of our characters to fall. I mean, on one hand, no way in hell would they have one of the titular characters die in such a fashion, so this all but confirms that there’s something waiting on the other side of this abyss, but on the other hand they do a really good job of selling the shock and grief of “losing” someone. Damn, this show is good.

I like that for a brief second, Penny forgot that she no longer had Floating Array, thought me likey the replacements she constructed.

Almost thought Weiss was going to fall there, too, to be honest.

Ok, I was officially too hasty in writing Vine off. I’m ok with being wrong on this one.

Sadly, we were all too correct in giving up on Harriet. I mean, principle? Loyalty? She’s trying to blow up thousands of innocent people and for what? Clover’s memory? He’d be ok with slaughtering all of these people in his honor? Because if that’s true, than I’m now officially ok with him going out the way he did.

Sadly, while it looks like Vine might have actually been getting through to her, Robyn has arrived to shatter the mood. Can’t really blame her, since she had no way of knowing how that conversation was going, but still. Timing could have been better.

That is the second time Qrow has ambushed a confused person using his bird form, and it was just as funny as the first time.

Yep, there’s the reaction from Ironwood I was hoping for. God, every time you think this man’s hit rock bottom, bastard’s gotta go and pull out a pickaxe.

“I've never wavered in fighting the enemies of this kingdom. And I won’t start now.” If that is not the page quote on Winter’s wiki page after this, I am going to be SEVERELY disappointed.

If Ironwood was trying to garner sympathy with that tear, he has ridiculously missed the mark.

Yeah, I was wondering if that was going to be the case with those portals. Granted, I originally thought it was intended feature rather than a bug, but still.

Hey, we got our first look in-show look at the Ravagers! Now please, for the love of god, show me a Ziraph.

The end is near, and we have our final battles. Ruby, Weiss, Blake, and Penny vs Cinder and Neo, Qrow, Robyn, Vine, and possibly Elm vs Harriet (and, to an extent, Watts), Winter vs Ironwood, and Ren, Emerald, and Oscar vs a bunch of Ravagers. Things have gone all kinds of insane, and emotions are running high! I’m equal parts scared and excited going into next week’s finale, and while i have no idea how it’s going to go, damn, is it going to be a ride. Until then, pardon me while I go scream into the void for a week. Excuse me, Yang.

#rwby #rwby volume 8 #rwby spoilers #rwby thoughts and opinions #rooster teeth animation

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inkribbon796 · 3 years ago

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The Marvelous Misadventures of One: S. Marvin Argentum Ch. 1: To County Kerry and Back Again

Summary: Marvin goes to clear his head, and gets caught up in a huge conspiracy in the process.

A/N: *side eyes at the recent Techno and Quackity lore* I saw it, and I’ll address that loaded but fun character development it another time. I don’t have Dream in jail . . . yet, maybe . . . so fortunately so I don’t have to adhere/spoil it too closely.

Chapters: 1, 2, 3, 4

Marvin relaxed a bit, as much as he could, into the train seat he was in. His train was traveling from Althone down to his mom’s home in Kelly’s Bay, Ireland.

He’d lost his mask and cape long before he got to the train, and he felt very exposed and uneasy without them. The long scars down his face on display for all to see. But he was going to distance himself from everything that had happened recently.

Fortunately he had nine hours to nap and think. His phone was silenced, except for emergency calls. This would be the start of a time for meditation and reflection.

And it was, for about two hours.

“Marvin?”

The mage did everything in his power not to jump or startle. But when he looked over to see Ghostbur materialize right next to him, he just about launched himself out of his own seat.

“Fook!”[1] Marvin cursed.

“Oh sorry,” Ghostbur held up his hands in apology. “I didn’t mean to startle you, I just wasn’t sure it was you at first without your mask.”

“How the fook[1] did yeh[2] find me?” Marvin hissed, trying to keep his voice down.

“Well I followed you and Average to the station,” Ghost admitted. “You looked really sad and lonely, so I figured I should keep you company.”

“Ghostbur,” Marvin tried to keep his voice down and his anger obviously. “I’m tryin’ ta get away from the heroes. Not brin’ it with me.”[3]

“Yes, you mentioned that, but I just wanted to keep you company,” Ghostbur told him. “Toms was lonely when he was sent off and I didn’t want you to be lonely.”

Marvin was about to snap back that being lonely with his thoughts was the whole point, but at the mention of Tommy, or “Big Man”, and about some more pieces of what had to have been a very tough period in Tommy’s life he decided not to.

“Yeh sure Tommy won’t mind yeh bein’ here with me instead ‘a with him?”[4] Marvin asked.

Ghostbur looked at him hands, “Tommy has Tubbo and Ranboo and . . . Tommy likes them more.”

Feeling like that hit him a bit too personally, Marvin sighed. “Fine, yeh[2] can come with, just make sure yeh[2] don’t tell people who I am.”

Smiling, Ghostbur perked right up, “I won’t, I won’t, I promise.”

Ghostbur more or less kept his word. He meandered up and down the train and they reached County Kerry. Ghostbur was enthralled by the nearby sheep fields. He would lean over the fence and feed them. His sheep companion field often trotted by his side. The farmers and dogs weren’t too keen on him, but the sheep seemed to adore Ghostbur.

One rental car later, Marvin slipped into a petrol station to grab some snacks. No one seemed to recognize him anymore, which Marvin was eternally grateful for.

The ghostly young man was floating next to Marvin as he was in the back grabbing some drinks. He was floating upside-down.

“Mar— uhh, mage I don’t know, uhm,” Ghostbur immediately corrected himself.

“What?” Marvin sighed, closing the fridge door a bit harsher than he needed to. “An’[5] Marv is fine.”

“One of the demon hunters is here,” Ghostbur whispered, hunching in on himself to make himself smaller.

“From Egoton?” Marvin tried to look around the shelf and saw someone in a dark cloak talking to the person behind the register.

“Fook,”[1] Marvin magicked his mask into his hands and put it on. “I’m supposed ta[6] be on leave, stay back here and[5] stay down.”

“Okay,” Ghostbur nodded nervously.

Marvin braced to start casting spells as he walked out. “Well, this is a shite meetin’. The fook yeh doin’ so far from home?”[7]

The hunter turned and pulled down their hood, revealing themself to be the Grandmaster’s second-in-command, “I thought I detected your aura close by.”

“Why don’t we take this outside?” Marvin snarled. “Leave the nice human out ‘a[8] this?”

“Of course, of course,” Taylor promised, and began to back out. Marvin rushed to pay for his things and handed the bags to Ghostbur, who was ordered to stay back in the shop as Marvin stepped out. People were definitely starting to recognize who he was now.

“Yeh need ta turn back around an’ head back o’er ta Egoton, before this fight gets nasty,”[9] Marvin warned. “Not on the clock, supposed ta[6] be headed back home.”

“I would have left you be, but I need help,” the hunter said.

“That’s what the rest ‘a yer Guild is fer,”[10] Marvin spat.

“The Guildmaster is planning another attack on Egoton, but she’s got help,” Taylor told him quickly. “I’ve tried everything to stop her, but she’s only doubling down, all she cares about is killing demons.”

“Why haven’t yeh[2] told the other heroes?” Marvin demanded.

“Are you kidding me?” They spat. “Spade would kill me. Besides, the Host didn’t let me even get close. I’m being watched by the Guildmaster’s favorite hunters. I only just managed to lose them.”

“What are they gonna[11] do?” Marvin demanded.

“The Guildmaster has been talking with the CIA and some showboat freak that’s got a vendetta against the Entity. He passed all the tests as a human but there’s no way that thing is human.” Taylor wasn’t meeting his eyes and they looked pissed. “I think his name is Mark or Marcus.”

Something triggered in the back of Marvin’s memory. He wasn’t sure if he’d heard something in passing but he could have sworn he knew what person the hunter was talking about, but his mind couldn’t conjure a message.

Either way, the demon hunters team with a dangerous personal enemy of Dark’s and the government was a bad idea.

“Shit!” Taylor spat, looking back and pulling out a staff from their robe. “No!”

Marvin looked around, expecting to see more Hunter walking over to him, but he only saw Ghostbur fall out of the little convenience store’s door. He was desperately trying to be discreet and failing.

“Wait, he’s with me,” Marvin got in between the hunter and Ghostbur, readying his cards to defend him.

“With you?” Taylor balked. “Are you insane? Do you know who that is?”

“I work with a guy who’s sleepin’[12] with a mob boss behind my back, an’[5] a demon kid who talks ta[6] squirrels.” Marvin could already feel his blood pressure rising again. “Don’t talk ta me about knowin’ who people are, ‘cause I don’t, an’ I think you do either.”[13]

Ghostbur began getting close but was clearly nervous. Marvin looked at the people watching them and Marvin decided, “Maybe we should get outta[14] here.”

Taylor looked around and threw down a smoke bomb, letting Marvin get into the rental car with Ghostbur and the hunter and driving away, which was immediately tense because Ghostbur was obviously nervous. She was sitting in the back of the car.

Ghostbur was turned around his his seat, looking sadly at her, “I’m sorry if old me ever hurt you in the past. I can’t remember if we’ve ever met.”

“What are you playing at?” The hunter snapped.

“I’ve had really bad memory since I discorporated,” Ghostbur ducked behind the chair. “I know I was a terrible person but I don’t remember you.”

“We never met,” Taylor told him and Ghostbur visibly calmed down.

“Oh, that’s a relief,” Ghostbur sighed and turned around. “Have you met Friend? He’s quite lovely.”

“Don’t summon yer[15] sheep inta[16] my car,” Marvin told her, he knew he shouldn’t be driving to his Mom’s house but he knew that if he didn’t visit her after telling her he was coming back to town and didn’t visit her he would be in trouble. She would find him and that was the last thing he wanted. Besides, he could probably keep the hunter in the car. He glanced at the hunter in the rearview mirror. “So yeh’ve ne’er met Ghostbur, but yeh know who he is?”[17]

“Their entire pact has titles,” Taylor told him. “Philza the Angel of Death, Techno the Blade, Lady Death, Wilbur the Sootling, and Tommy the Child Soldier.”

Marvin thought back to Tommy, laughing and joking around with Ethan and Tubbo. He’d seen Phil and Techno, knew they were dangerous, but he could only imagine the kinds of things Tommy had been through before meeting him in an almost empty sheep field with Ghostbur.

“I’m Ghostbur,” Ghostbur corrected, trying to hide behind the seat again. “Wilbur is dead.”

“Is that so?” The hunter demanded. “Why would the Angel of Death allow that?”

Ghostbur fell quiet, and Marvin verbally moved in to save him. “Hey, I’m gonna[11] call the heroes before I lose all my service out in the middle ‘a[8] fookin’[18] nowhere.”

Before the hunter could argue, Marvin was already speed dialing Chase.

It took a couple rings before Chase actually picked up and Marvin could tell there was someone else talking to him but over the hum of the car on the road there was no way to tell if it was Dark or Jackie.

“Yeh[2] good?” Chase asked.

“Wish I was,” Marvin told him. “The demon hunters are plannin’[19] an attack on the city next week.”

“What?” Chase demanded in shock and someone on the other line was talking to Chase. “Is it on Friday?”

Shit! Marvin thought and his eyes darted back at Taylor and his knuckles went white on the steering wheel. “Is it on Friday?”

“Yeah, why?” Taylor asked.

“Shite, that’s the wedding,” Marvin hissed, then shouted back at the phone, “Yes!”

“Fook!”[1] Chase spat. Then Chase leaned away from the phone. “The fook yeh wanna do?”[20]

More muffled speaking followed.

“That . . .” Chase cut off, leaving Marvin unsure if he stopped talking or Marvin just couldn’t hear his rebuttal. But it let Marvin narrow down who Chase was probably with and talking to. “Look, Marv, I’ll call yeh back later. Gotta talk ta Dark about this.”[21]

“Yeah, that makes sense,” Marvin said, “take care ‘a yerself, ‘kay?”[22]

“Yeah,” Chase hung up, leaving the car in silence.

“What happens on Friday?” Taylor leaned forward closer to the driver’s seat.

“There’s a wedding, one ‘a Dark’s sons an’ one ‘a our aged out apprentices is gettin’ married next week, an’ this is too coincidental,”[23] Marvin explained.

“Is that what the event is?” Taylor realized. “We were told there was some big festival or gathering.”

“Nothing bad ever happens at a festival,” Ghostbur mumbled blankly, as if recalling some past, bad memory.

“Okay, okay, we’re comin’ up ta my stop, I gotta talk ta someone an’ then we can come up with a plan,”[24] Marvin told his passengers.

“Alright,” the hunter seemed to calm down.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Accessibility Translations:

1. Fuck

2. you

3. I’m trying to get away from the heroes. Not bring it with me.

4. You sure Tommy won’t mind you being here with me instead of with him?

5. And

6. to

7. Well, this is a shit meeting. The fuck are you doing so far from home?

8. of

9. You need to turn back around and head back over to Egoton, before this fight gets nasty

10. That’s what the rest of your Guild is for,

11. going to

12. sleeping

13. Don’t talk to me about knowing who people are, because I don’t, and I think you do either.

14. out of

15. your

16. into

17. So you’ve never met Ghostbur, but you know who he is?

18. fucking

19. planning

20. The fuck you want to do?

21. Look, Marv, I’ll call you back later. Got to talk to Dark about this.

22. take care of yourself, okay?

23. There’s a wedding, one of Dark’s sons and one of our graduated apprentices is getting married next week, and this is too coincidental

24. Okay, okay, we’re coming up to my stop, I have talk ta someone and then we can come up with a plan

#superhero au #Masks and Maladies #dream smp #footnotes #marvin the magnificent #ghostbur #magic #magic man denied his rightful vacation

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modern-fae-female · 4 years ago

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Elorcan Modern AU Chapter 6 Lorcan’s POV

She just had to show up with the rest of her friends to see me, the Cadre, and Maeve arguing and taunting them. Then of course Maeve hade to go around calling her the ‘crippled girl.’ Usually I would go along to the names Maeve would call people, but for some reason that made me angry. I felt the sudden urge to tell her to shut up, but I held back because I know it would make tonight more awkward and I didn’t want her to be angry at me. I had zoned out again until I heard Maeve say we were leaving and I walked out with them to head out to football practice, sadly Dorian, Rowan, Aedion were also on the team which meant we were going to have to deal with them. I got to the locker rooms with the Cadre and got my uniform on. I could still feel the rage I had from Maeve taunting Elide and I hoped that I could get it to stop during practice.

“ Alright boys, stop frolicing around and get into formation and do some run and catches, pair up.”

Luckily I got paired up with Gavriel, one of the members of the Cadre I could stand most of the time.

“ So, your going over to Maeve’s tonight?” he asked.

“ Ya, why?”

“I heard during class, just wondering since she’s never had just you over before, right?”

“ Not that its any of your business but yes.”

“ Well good luck, she can be pretty unpredictable when she asks you over.”

“ What do you mean?”

“ Well I know what your thinking why she's asking you over, but when she asked me over she asked me to do some jobs for her.”

“ What kind of jobs,” now I was confused,

“ Like you said earlier, none of your business.”

We did some catches and played some runs until practice was over. It was now 5:00 and I knew I had to head over to Maeve’s in a little bit. I didn’t want to head home so I just decided to visit the library and get some work done until I had to head over.

I got on my motorcycle and drove to the library and walked in. Surprisingly

“ I went there quite often so I smiled to Mr.Illias as I walked in and went to my usual spot, a table beside the window where you could see most of the city. It calmed me, to see the outline of the city, its lights, the people walking by, the sun setting over the horizon. I sat down and pulled out my bag to do some work. I did some math and science until I pulled out the debate papers. How was I going to work with Elide on a six week project when I couldn’t even stand up for her today. I thought we made good progress during class, I don’t usually do small talk but with her it was easy, and now she probably hates me again. Great job Lorcan, you’re back at square one. I looked at the time, 6″15, shit! Maeve;’s house was at least 20 minutes away with no traffic, but it was rush hour. Maeve was not a patient person and I didn’t want to make a bad impression as it was my first time over alone. I quickly packed up all of my stuff and got on my motorcycle and drove as quickly as I could over to her house. I pulled into her driveway and ran up to the door and rang the doorbell. After a minute her maid opened the door nodded at me and let me in. She pointed me up the stairs and to Maeve’s room. Maybe Gavriel was wrong, maybe she did love me back and wanted to get together with me. I knocked and walked in to see her sitting at her vanity pulling up her hair.

“ Lorcan, so glad you could come.”

“ Of course.”

“ Now down to business,” wait what, “ You know that little new crippled girl, Elide Lochan?”

And there it was again, the rage, and like before I resisted the urge to tell her to shut up.

“ Yes I know her, I sit next to her in history and she’s my partner for the debate project.”

“ Exactly, that’s why you are the perfect person for this job,” what job is she talking about that had to do with Elide, “ We both know that Aelin the bitch and her little group of pathetic friends are always nice to everyone, but they were exceptionally quick to make her part of her little group and I want to know why. I know that there is some dirt there so I want you to find out everything you can about our little Lochan.”

“ Why is this so important,” now I was annoyed. I didn’t want to hurt Elide.

“ Lorcan, think about it. There is a reason that the little queen bitch snapped her up so quickly. There may be some dirt on them that we can find out and take our revenge on them.”

“ What exactly do you want me to find out?”

“ Anything, I’m planning to have this year be our best yet and I have some big plans for the school and I don’t want anyone interfering, so you find out anything that will make the rest of the student body turn on them and love me.”

Of course Maeve some clever plan, but did it have to involve Elide. Wait what am I thinking? Maeve is asking me personally to help her with a big job and I’m second guessing it. What is wrong with me, Maeve is everything and Elide is nothing. I should have no guilt about this, so why do I do?

“ Can I rely on you to find this information for me Lorcan?”

“ How am I supposed to get that from her?”

“ I don’t care, you have six weeks of working on a project with her and thats when I need all the information possible by. Befriend her, make her fall in love with you, threaten her, I don’t care, just get it for me, and maybe I will give you a little reward.

I defiantly wouldn’t threaten Elide, but befriending her or making her fall in love with me. I didn’t know how to do either. My ears perked up at the little reward Maeve would give me. I could do this. I mean I’m Lorcan Salvettere for gods sake. I’m Maeve’s most loyal follower, member of the Cadre, feared my most in school, and star player on the football team, I could totally get information from a little new girl, right?

“ So, do we have a deal Lorcan?” I looked up to see Maeve right in front of me with those eyes looking at me, she new that I would do anything to be with her.

“ Ya, we have a deal.”

“ I knew I could count on you,” she said while dragging her nail up my arm and to my shoulder and leaning up to my ear, “ And don’t fail, remember your reward.”

I nodded and I knew I was done here, so I walked out and back to my motorcycle to head my foster home, which my great luck just happened to me Fenrys and Connall’s family. They had known my parents and when my dad left when my mom was pregnant and my mom died when I was 8 years old, I was put in the system. I was in and out of a few families but managed to still be in the Adarlan school district. After a couple more years Fenrys and Connall family had taken me in. They are very nice, but it still doesn’t feel quite like home. I pulled into the house and walked into the home to my Rottweiler, Hellas, jumping on me.

“ Omph, really Hellas, I just walked in.”

“ Lorcan sweetheart, how was school,” Mrs.Moonbeam asked.

“ It was fine, have a big debate project.”

“ Oh Fenrys told me about it, he said you got paired with a new girl, Elide Lochan.”

“ Uh ya, I did.”

“ Well be nice to her, I’m sure its hard moving here after most people there have known each other for years. Well we just ordered pizza tonight so you can get a slice and do what you need, don’t forget to take Hellas for a walk soon.”

“ Thanks.”

I walked into the kitchen and washed my hands and got slices and walked up to my room. They had a big house so luckily we all had own rooms. Mine was very minimally decorated, it had some rock posters, my guitars, motorcycle helmets, my bookshelf which had lots of books, my desk, and bed. I walked and sat down on my bed and pulled out my phone. I had a text from an unknown number.

>> Hey, its Elide, your debate partner. Rowan gave me your number and I just had a couple questions to ask you about the project.

She got my number from Whitethorn? Now I had Maeve’s job to think about which weighed on my chest. How would it end, but that was to think about later, might as well try to befriend her.

<< Hey, and I know who you are Elide. And what questions.

>> Um.. did you want to start some things on your own before Wednesday or did you want to completely start then?

<< I did a little research about what the case was today so if you want to do that we can then cover the basics when we meet.

>> Sounds good! Thanks for letting me know.

<< Yep...

>> Everything ok?

>> I wanted to say sorry about after debate. I didn’t know Maeve would call you that

<< oh, it’s fine.. I expected it. I was just sad that you were there.

>> What do you mean?

<< Well when we talk you seem so nice, but then I see you with her and your a different person, someone who I don’t like.

Is that how she saw me? She didn’t like me?

<< Don’t get me wrong, you seem like a good person, but I just don’t know why you act like two different people.

>> I don’t.. at least not on purpose. Maeve and the Cadre are my friends and I do what I can to please them.

<< That doesn’t sound like friendship.

>> What do you know about friendship?

<< Well friends should accept who you are and make you the best version of yourself.. you should feel happy and accepted with your friends

>> Are you saying that I’m not.

<< I’m just answering your questions, I don’t get to chose what friends you make.

>> Ya, you don’t.

<< Well... I have some things to do, see you tomorrow.

>> See ya.

Well... this year got off to an interesting start.

@bri-loves-sunflowers

#elorcan #elide #lorcan salvaterre #modern #tog #elide x lorcan

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finallyaniguana · 5 years ago

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Watch The Eyes: Paris [8]

[7] masterpost ao3 [9]

The next day at school was like every other. Marinette arrived only a few minutes before Mlle Bustier took roll, breathing heavily.

Alya shook her head at her best friend.

"At least you're on time," she sighed.

On the other side of the room, Lila was spewing lies as usual. She had failed to make good on her promise to turned all Marinette's against her, but she was still going strong with her tall tales.

"I really hope we win that trip to Gotham. It would mean so much to me! I have such good memories there," Lila was saying.

"Oh, yeah? Do tell," Alix requested, expression a careful neutral.

"Well... it's a bit of a secret. But, I can trust you all, right?" Lila giggled. "Okay, I'll let you in!"

Chloe was rolling her eyes next to Adrien. She caught his eye and shook her head.

That caught Marinette's interest.

'Is that secret that you've been lying to everyone and will now be moving to Gotham, never to be seen again?' she thought sarcastically.

"Bruce Wayne's youngest son, Damain, is actually my soulmate," she claimed.

Adrien raised his eyebrows incredulously from the front row. If she has a soulmate thats 'oh-so important to her', then why has she been hanging all over him?

"We decided to wait until after we graduated to be together of course. So we could find ourselves before really turning to each other," she went on.

Adrien slumped down. He may never be safe from her fawning.

Rose sighed, almost literal hearts in her eyes.

"That's soooooooo romantic! How did you guys meet?" she begged to know.

Lila pretended to be resistant to sharing her little story before sitting up straighter, gaining energy from everyone's attention like a sadistic leech.

"Well, when we were seven, my mother was stationed in the US. In Gotham. We met in the hotel lobby. While my mom and Mr. Wayne talked, of course he insisted I call him Bruce after, since we're practically family now, I spent time with his son. When I looked into his eyes for the first time... it was like a whole new world opened up," she forced a dreamy sigh.

Marinette had no idea how everyone was falling for this. She and Adrien made peripheral eye contact. He wiggled his eyebrows at her. She held back her laughter.

"I didn't even realize I was missing a color, but now I know I will never look at blue the same way again."

'You would have never looked at blue in the first place.'

Of course, Bruce Wayne kept a private household. No public pictures of the children still living with him. There was no way to prove that. Bruce Wayne had blue eyes and so did his first ward, Dick Grayson, judging by the tabloid pictures of the time (Marinette had done a bit of research on the family before even considering applying for this trip).

Mylene spoke next, "Do you have any pictures together? I bet you were so cute!"

Lila dramatically draped herself over the back of her bench.

"Sadly I can't show you. We made an agreement not to share photos of each other. Wouldn't want to paparazzi catching on, now would we?" she smiled, sugary sweet.

"You have to tell us about him!" Rose interjected.

Lila turned back to the petite blonde before looking off into the distance like she was having a dramatic flashback.

'I wonder if she's visualizing the lie.'

"He's just soooo sweet and affectionate! He's always holding my hand and writing me sweet notes and-"

At last Mlle Bustier entered the room, saving Marinette and Adrien from busting their sides from holding in laughter and Chloe from yacking up her gourmet breakfast from the front row.

"Class!" she buzzed with excitement. "I have a very important announcement to make!"

The hum of small voices quieted.

"I know you've all been anxiously awaiting news about the Wayne scholarship trip application! I can finally tell you the winning class. Thanks to the hard work of our class president," she gave Marinette a dazzling smile. "We have been selected to go on the trip to Gotham! We will be put up in a hotel, given a tour of Wayne Enterprises, and given an opportunity to sit in on Gotham Academy classes!"

The class practically exploded with sound. Alya grabbed her friends shoulder, shaking her.

"Girl! You did it! Oh my god, you did it!"

Marinette was practically glowing with praise over the next few hours.

After class that day everyone was congratulating her on her essay skills. Max even asked her for a copy to read on the plane. She happily told him she would print him a copy and bring it to him at the airport before their flight.

"Isn't this wonderful, Lila? You can finally go back to Gotham! Ooooooh! Maybe your soulmate could take you out for a super romantic dinner!" Rose squealed.

Lila was hiding her pained look. She honestly hadn't expected Marinette to win this competition. Now she just had to pray they didn't run into the subject of her lies because that would send her delicate house of cards crashing down.

"Well, I'm just lucky to have a soulmate. I know there are some people out there," she made eye contact with Marinette across the room. "that weren't meant to have a match."

Adrien scoffed next to her. He looked at Marinette with a slight annoyed look. He'd always hated it when Lila used that to try and make his Lady feel inferior. Marinette learned quickly to brush off the hurt after years of dealing with Chloe's bullshit. Not that Chloe hadn't made an effort. All it took was an ultra liar to see how bad it was to be a target.

Almost everyone in the class had a mark or some form of palpable sign that signified their other half was out there, if they hadn't already met their soulmate. Marinette and Lila were the only two in the class that had no sign (that she knew of) at all. Until now. Her soulmate was out there. He might have a tendency to fight superheroes in caves at six in the morning... but he was hers. Whoever he was.

They were set to fly out in two weeks. Two stressful, jam packed weeks. Principle Damocles had been in to give them a presentation on what he expected behavior wise and to congratulate them. Mlle. Bustier had been in contact with the Wayne representative and he had sent them a list of things to bring and what not to bring. They also received a base schedule so parents would have a general idea of where their children were during the day. Despite the stress, the time flew by.

All the preparations were being made, belongings packed.

The main issue for Adrien and Marinette was figuring out to get back to Paris if the need arises. Akuma attacks had declined over the last few years so it would most likely be okay. But to be safe, the two heroes went to see the Guardian. He provided them the horse miraculous for quick travel if they needed to be in Paris quickly.

They argued for over a half of an hour trying to decide who would hold onto Kaalki while in Gotham. Eventually they decided that Ladybug should hold onto it since she had the best strategies if needed in a pinch.

All three of them thought it would be quite unlikely that Hawkmoth would attack Paris while they were away. He had severely limited his activity to almost once a month. They weren't sure what the change was, but they were grateful nonetheless.

Everything was ready.

"Are you sure you have everything, sweetie?" her mother asked.

Her papa looked at her with admiration.

"I'm so proud of you, baby," he gushed.

"Yes, I'm sure. I must have double checked like a million times. I have my luggage, my carry on with my sketchbook, my phone," 'the horse miraculous,' "and Mlle Bustier has the plane tickets. That should be everything." She smiled at her parents.

"What about your dress base for the Wayne Gala?" her father reminded.

She lightly patted her red roller suitcase. She intended to buy fabrics in Gotham with her free time and finish it there. She was going to the gala in an MDC original, as was Alya. Marinette had already been making a gown for Alya to wear (and a tie and pocket square for Nino, if need be), just in case she was invited to any events due to her aspirations in reporting. She had also been intending to invite her best friend to the next event she attended with Jagged Stone. Marinette knew Alya would flip at the opportunity. She put the finishing touches on Alya's floor length gown last week, spending the following week doing as much as possible for hers so it could be done in time for the Gala.

They handed off a box of macarons to her to share with her classmates before boarding the plane. She popped the lid. They were based off Gotham's heroes. Her smiled tightened.

She thought back to her conversation with Alya.

"Alya. There are heroes in the US, right?" she asked, eyes serious and spine straight.

Her auburn hair whipped around and smacked herself in the face. She grinned really wide, not even noticing Marinette's out of character demeanor.

"Yeah! Alot of the Justice League has home cities in the US. Superman in Metropolis, The Flash in Central City, Green Arrow in Starling City, Green Lantern in Coast City! And of course! Batman is Gotham's Dark Knight. I could go on. What do you want to know?"

"Um..." she tried to broach the subject without being suspicious. "I saw a picture of a hero I didn't recognize. So, I assumed you would be able to tell me who he was."

Alya spread her hands out.

"You came to the right superhero fanatic! Show me."

"Oh, well I didn't save the photo... I saw it on a blog post on my desktop," she lied, wincing, the strange standoffish energy fading.

"That's okay. Describe him. I'm sure I can figure it out."

Marinette thought back to the man she met through her soulmates perspective.

"Black hair I think. Black suit and domino mask. Blue symbol thing on his lightweight armor chest plate? Staff? Like Chat Noir's I think... but not magic. His suit was built for agility not power," she provided.

The blogger thought for a moment. Her eyes lit up as she fell on an answer.

"That sounds like Nightwing. No superpowers but still really good. One of Batman's partners. Started out in Gotham but has been spotted pretty frequently in Blüdhaven. Were you doing more research on Gotham when you saw the picture?"

Nightwing...

"Are you sure, Alya?"

Her best friend smiled smugly at her. She whipped her phone out if her pocket and quickly typed something in. She flipped it around and showed her the search results. There he was.

"That's definitely him! Nightwing..." she trailed off.

"Yeah, girl. I know my stuff," Alya bragged.

"Okay, you said he was just one of Batman's partners. He has more?"

Alya huffed and blew a piece of stray hair out of her face.

"So, this was all pretty hush hush since Batman's clearly a very private person but there has been a couple different sidekicks and partners to cycle through, at least from what I can gather from different media sources. So there was the first Robin, then I think there was a second one... but... he fell off the radar. Since then there's been two more Robin's. You can tell because the costume changes every few years. There's also a few Batgirls out there."

"Okay... would you say any of them were... our age?" Marinette asked.

Alya looked at her friend, a strange smile on her face.

"The current Robin is probably pretty close. Why? You trying to talk to a superhero, girl?"

She back pedaled.

"No, no, no! I was just asking because of Ladybug and Chat Noir! So, they look our age! I just wanted to know if anyone in Gotham was too," she managed to come up with.

Alya looked like she was about to continue questioning her about why she wanted to know.

"You sure do know alot about superheroes... what do you do in your free time?" she tried for a humor redirection.

"Like you haven't had an obsession before. *cough* Adrien *cough*," she shot back.

"Um, no fair? I thought he was my soulmate so give me a break! And, in my defense he kind of is," she pouted.

"Oh, please. You did not think he was your soulmate. You wanted him to be your soulmate. Big difference."

She'd told Adrien about the switching, but not the circumstance. She had to figure out who he was before it got dangerous.

She shut the box again and smiled up at her parents.

"I'll call every night," she promised.

Just then, Adrien walked in. He was giving her a ride to the airport.

"Ready to go?" he asked.

"Yes! I'm ready!"

She kissed both her parents on the cheek before collecting the rest of her things and following Adrien out the door.

"I'll text you when we're boarding! I love you!"

They waved at her until she got into the car and drove away.

taglist: (CLOSED)

@vixen-uchiha @worlds-tiniest-spook-pastry @violatiger8 @mochinek0 @constancetruggle @yamadochie @seraphichana @captainmac6 @nataladriana9 @iggy-of-fans @riarkle-felinettelove @luciferge @mystery-5-5 @mellownieice @northernbluetongue @imanerddealwith @ayuchan07 @poshplumcot @annabellabrookes @legendaryneckjudgestudent @chez-pezeater @friedchickening @da-tasuky @crazylittlemunchkin @g-arya @i-like-fairytail-and-stuff @witchbitch1998 @theatreandcomicfreak @lysslovsanime

#maribat #daminette

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ranma-rewatch · 4 years ago

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Episode 16: Shampoo's Revenge! The Shiatsu Technique That Steals Heart and Soul

I can’t believe it, 2020 is finally over. Or at least, it will be on the day this goes up. From where I’m writing it, we’re nearing the finish line, but haven’t yet reached it. Part of me wishes I could have finished season 1 in the same year I started this blog, but I’m getting close to there anyway, so I shouldn’t despair. This episode...yeah, looking at the episode title, I cannot remember for the life of me what the Shiatsu Technique is. By next paragraph, I’ll have rewatched the episodes, and I’ll know. See you in a second!

That was an...interesting direction for Shampoo’s introductory arc? I mean, it’s her second episode, and she’s barely in it. I think I’ll have quite a bit to talk about, but I will say once again I’m holding off on doing a Shampoo Character Spotlight just yet, just because I want to have more material to discuss.

So, anyway, the episode starts with the Tendo’s asking Akane to wake up Ranma, and it’s made clear once again just how angry and jealous she is over the whole Shampoo situation. That doesn’t get any better when she relents but finds that Shampoo is snuggling in Ranma’s bed with him, without him knowing. She dumps water on them, activating the curse, Shampoo tries to kill Ranma, he turns back, she wants to kiss him, it’s a bunch of hijinks.

As Ranma and Akane walk to school, they bicker a little more fiercely than usual, now that the spectre of Shampoo’s affections have come into the picture. Ryoga is chilling on a nearby rooftop, and he’s actually ready to leave. He’s being very angsty, upset that Akane only likes him as P-chan, and knows that if Akane ever admits to loving Ranma, it would break his heart. He tries to head back on the road, only for him to get hit by random water throwing lady’s water, at which point Shampoo finds the piglet in the road.

Next scene, the amazon breaks down the wall of Ranma’s classroom to give him lunch, which as it turns out is Ryoga, though he hasn’t been killed or ever really cooked. Still, Akane and even Ranma are concerned, even if Ryoga doesn’t really appreciate the latter. Angry at Akane ruining her plans for Ranma several times now, Shampoo gives Akane the Kiss of Death, but Akane doesn’t back down, and is ready for a match, despite the fact that Ranma seems absolutely sure that Akane has no way of winning.

By the time Ranma gets to the place they are fighting at, the match is already over. Shampoo is gone, and Akane is unconscious on the ground. When she wakes up, she feels rather refreshed, but is more than anything confused: Akane has no clue who Ranma is. It isn’t regular amnesia, either. She still remembers her classmates, Ryoga, even Ranma’s dad.

After a lot of Ranma trying over and over again to remind Akane who he is, which even fails when Ranma activates his curse, they eventually go to Dr. Tofu. As it turns out, he knows what did this: the titular Shiatsu Technique. It actually has a much longer name, but I will stick with that. Anyway, Ranma’s dad was passing by and saw the whole thing. The move is actually just washing and styling the person’s hair, but using specific herbs and massaging scalpel pressure points to specifically remove memories of a single person.

The only way Dr. Tofu can imagine curing it would be with more Chinese herbs, so Ranma takes Akane out on the city to try and find Shampoo and get what they need. Only thing is, Shampoo shows up at the clinic right afterwards, because it turns out she’s been living there, working with Dr. Tofu.

So, that’s the episode. I’m going to start with some things I didn’t like as much, before getting into what I thought actually worked. The entire premise is just a bit...odd? Like, I have to admit I’m kind of down on amnesia plots in general, just as a matter of personal preference, but even if I wasn’t I feel like using one in the middle of a main character’s introduction arc is a tad bit strange.

I talked a bit last week about how I find that shows using jealousy as a way to show much a person cared about another is kinda sucky, so I won’t go over it again, except to say I’m still not a fan. I’m even less a fan of the fact that Akane is still being looked over as a fighter. First she never really got to fight Kodachi, and now that Shampoo is here they get...a fight we don’t see that only lasts a few seconds.

Shampoo is an amazon warrior, I get that. But I just find it annoying that they completely sideline that conflict for the amnesia one, when giving Akane an opponent to fight who is better than her would be a great way to make her grow. Even if we got a real fight and she lost, it could be something to build on later, a way to see where Akane is as a martial artist. Sadly, this series doesn’t really take Akane seriously as a martial artist, so that wasn’t ever going to happen.

Only other small thing to cover in the negatives column is that I didn’t really like the whole comedy bit of, “Uh oh, Ranma shows Akane his curse, but she thinks he’s a cross-dressing pervert!” It’s just...yeah, I don’t have the mental energy to dive into that topic, let’s just say it left a very bad taste in my mouth.

So, what did I like about the episode, then? Well, quite a lot. As much as I dislike the general idea of doing an amnesia plot here, I liked some of the specifics of it. The fact that not only had Akane forgotten Ranma, and only Ranma, but that it seemed as though she couldn’t even form new memories of him, no matter how much he or others tried to make her understand, definitely added urgency. In a good way.

I also found myself liking the technique itself, strangely enough. The fact it’s just washing the person’s hair, but with special martial arts stuff, is just kind of amazing, ridiculous in that exact Ranma 1/2 kind of way. The fact that all of the characters treat it dead seriously, none of them laughing at the idea, also helps make it even funnier.

Speaking of funny, the slapstick was pretty on-point this episode. It wasn’t quite as funny as some other episodes, but I definitely was at least smiling for a good portion of it. The whole scene of their class trying to help Akane remember Ranma was pretty funny too, in English and Japanese.

For something more heartfelt, I love that after half an episode of Ranma teasing Akane, of so many episodes of Ranma kind of being a jerk, his immediate response to her forgetting him is to do everything he can to fix it. It goes uncommented on so far, but he clearly hates the idea of Akane never knowing who he is. It could just as easily have been done with Ranma not caring in the slightest, being an aloof jerk, but this shows that Ranma does genuinely care about Akane, even if he often has a bad way of showing it.

Ooh, also, on the characters front! Ryoga! My boy! I haven’t really talked about it in a while, but I’ve been kind of unhappy with how Ryoga is being portrayed for a while now. Ever since his arc, he’s just been chilling as P-chan, only turning back to try and take Akane from Ranma in some way. He’s been very scheming and underhanded, which doesn’t fit what I remembered of his character at all.

This episode was much more like it. Ryoga fits so much better as the brooding boy, stuck in the moral dilemma of what to do about his position with Akane, scared of how she might really feel. More of this, please, and less of him making schemes to steal her.

So then, how does this episode shake out, on the whole? Well, I don’t think it’s a surprise that I wouldn’t say it’s as good as last week’s. In fact, it’s dropped quite a few places. Just barely in the top half of episodes I’ve seen thus far, I’m putting this episode just above the Ranma vs Ryoga fight and one spot below the big fight that ended Kodachi’s arc. So, here is the new ranking.

Episode 7: Enter Ryoga, the Eternal ‘Lost Boy’

Episode 12: A Woman's Love is War! The Martial Arts Rhythmic Gymnastics Challenge!

Episode 15: Enter Shampoo, the Gung-Ho Girl! I Put My Life in Your Hands

Episode 9: True Confessions! A Girl's Hair is Her Life!

Episode 2: School is No Place for Horsing Around

Episode 6: Akane's Lost Love... These Things Happen, You Know

Episode 13: A Tear in a Girl-Delinquent's Eye? The End of the Martial Arts Rhythmic Gymnastics Challenge!

Episode 16: Shampoo's Revenge! The Shiatsu Technique That Steals Heart and Soul

Episode 8: School is a Battlefield! Ranma vs. Ryoga

Episode 11: Ranma Meets Love Head-On! Enter the Delinquent Juvenile Gymnast!

Episode 4: Ranma and...Ranma? If It’s Not One Thing, It’s Another

Episode 5: Love Me to the Bone! The Compound Fracture of Akane's Heart

Episode 1: Here’s Ranma

Episode 3: A Sudden Storm of Love

Episode 10: P-P-P-Chan! He's Good For Nothin'

Episode 14: Pelvic Fortune-Telling? Ranma is the No. One Bride in Japan

Next week, I think we’re finishing this arc? I’m not completely sure? We’ll have to see? All I know is, the penultimate episode of the season is titled “I Love You, Ranma! Please Don’t Say Goodbye”. Sadly, unlike Ranma, I do have to say goodbye, but only until next week. See you all then!

#episode 16 #Shampoo's Revenge! The Shiatsu Technique That Steals Heart and Soul #ranma 1/2 #ranma saotome #akane tendo #shampoo #ryoga hibiki #anime analysis #anime rewatch

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summahsunlight · 4 years ago

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We Belong to the Stars, CH.30

Rating: Mature (18+ only)

Pairings: Poe/Skywalker!OC

Characters: Poe Dameron, Leia Organa, BB-8, Kaleb Skywalker (OC), Evelyn Skywalker (OC), Karé Kun, Iolo Arana, Snap Wexley, Jessika Pava, BB-8

Taglist: @ms-dont-care, @liadamerondjarin

Final chapter! Like reading this? Please feel free to leave a comment on the post, in an ask, or even a reblog. I LOVE TO HEAR FROM YOU❤️

Slipping into Terex's compound was easy--thanks to Oddy. However, now that they were on the inside, Poe felt incredibly anxious. If they were caught there was no doubt in Poe's mind that Terex would hold them for bounties or kill them. He didn't know about Kaleb, but he was quite ready to die yet--and he certainly did not want to be a prisoner of the First Order. They needed to find Evelyn and get out of here as quickly as possible.

Poe gripped his blaster. They had also talked about the possibility that this was a trap sprung to capture Kaleb as well and Poe would just be the collateral damage. The pilot was certain Kylo Ren would have no problem executing him. They had never actually gotten along well as children.

Kaleb sensed the unease in Poe; he had the same concerns. Silently he reached out and placed his hand on his friend's shoulder. He noticed that Poe took a deep breath, and whispered to BB-8 to lead the way, to the cell that Oddy said Terex was keeping Evelyn in.

BB-8 cautiously led the two men through the dark, dank corridors of Terex's compound; alerting them when his sensors picked up another lifeform in the presence so Poe and Kaleb had time to conceal themselves before being spotted. The members of Terex's gang didn't seem to care about a little astromech droid. He led them down a dank corridor and stopped outside a small door, informing Poe and Kaleb that this was the cell that Evelyn was being held in. "Go on, Bee," Poe whispered, glancing down the hallway. "Open it. We'll keep watch."

"If we say run--move that little droid body of yours as fast as you can," Kaleb instructed.

"And meet us back at the ship," Poe told BB-8. "Don't wait for us, Bee."

Chirping in reluctant agreement, BB-8 got to work on getting the cell door open. The locks clicked and the door slid open. Poe waited for the droid to roll out of his way before stepping inside. He was partially ready for her coming at him--after all she had no idea that the Resistance had sent anyone after her--but his reflexes kicked in and he grabbed her wrist before she could hurt him. "Evie, it's me!"

Evelyn stepped back, blinking and then she lunged for him again, this time wrapping her arms around his neck, hugging him tightly. Poe could feel her legs give out as he wrapped his arms around her, and he held steady against him. "It's okay," he whispered in her ear, "I've got you. We're gonna take you home."

Kaleb watched as his sister let go of Poe and now threw one arm around him, drawing him into an awkward three person hug. He didn't care; they had managed to get to her before their cousin and General Hux. "Poe, we gotta get going before we get caught."

"Yeah," Poe whispered, releasing both of them. "Evie can you walk?"

"I...I think so...they gave me something... I'm a little dizzy," Evelyn replied.

Poe wrapped one arm around her waist and instructed Kaleb and BB-8 to go a head of them. He'd drag Evelyn back to the Mirror Bright if he had too. It was evident that Evelyn had been given some kind of drug, probably to control her Force abilities--she was clumsy on her feet, which wasn't like her at all. She normally moved about with such grace that at times she could appear to be floating.

BB-8 stopped, alerting them that someone was approaching. Kaleb and Poe scrambled to hide, squeezing Evelyn between them in an alcove. All three of them held their breaths as Terex and several Stormtroopers walked by them. "Kriff," Poe cursed, as he realized Terex was heading for Evelyn's cell. "We don't have a lot of time."

Kaleb unclipped his lightsaber. "Well, fortunately for us, Terex didn't give me drugs to affect my force sensitivity."

"What are you going to do?" Evelyn snapped at her brother. "Use your lightsaber to slice their blasters in half while all of them are firing on us?"

"Those drugs have made you snakier."

"Deal with it."

"Children," Poe scolded. "Can we get moving? I really don't want to become a prisoner today."

BB-8 beeped in agreement and then led them onward. Poe was pretty that none of them breathed until they were well out of Terex's compound and making their way back through the city. Even though, they weren't quite out of the woods yet. Once Terex realized that Evelyn was gone, he'd have his gang out looking for them.

Halfway outside of the city Poe was starting to get suspicious that their escape had been way too easy when Evelyn stumbled, an almost soundless cry leaving her mouth. 'Evie? What's wrong?"

Evelyn squeezed her eyes shut, tightly. "It's Ren. He's here--he knows where I am."

Kaleb grabbed her by the arm. "Push him out Evelyn!"

"I can't... the drug..."

"Get her on her feet, Poe; we don't have a lot of time."

"Don't have a lot of time for what?"

"Ben is using Evie to find us."

Poe looked at the painful expression on Evelyn's face as he dragged her, along with Kaleb, towards their ship. "What are you talking about?"

Kaleb yanked on Evelyn's arm, lifting her over a jagged rock. "He's pushing into her mind--he can probably see everything she can see."

Evelyn struggled to keep up with the two men. She doing her best to keep her cousin from entering her mind, but the drug made it difficult. It had completely inhibited her from tapping into the power. Which is exactly what General Hux and Kylo Ren would have wanted when they brought her before Supreme Leader Snoke.

Somehow, Poe and Kaleb managed to get her back to the Mirror Bright. They didn't mean too, but they dropped her roughly on the floor on their way to the start the ship up. Evelyn closed her eyes tightly, reaching out the Force and attempting to fight back against Ren's invasion. Vaguely she could hear Poe and Kaleb shouting at one another as they tried to escape--she wasn't sure exactly what was going on, but she knew that her cousin had sent a squadron of TIE=fighters after them. Poe was attempting to get assistance from Black Squadron.

Come with me Evelyn and I'll let them go. I'll let them live.

Stay out of my head! I'm not going with you!

"Black Leader to base! We need some back-up!"

"Black Squadron is on their way, Commander."

They'll all die, Evelyn. If you stay with them, every single one of them will meet a quick death.

She tried to ignore him, fight back, push him out of her head--but with ever effort, Ren just fought back harder. Evelyn eventually couldn't handle it anymore and she succumbed to the pain, the intrusion, and blacked out of the cold durasteal floor of the Mirror Bright.

---------

At the age of six, Evelyn had caught some nasty virus on a trip with her parents to the capital. Upon their return home she had spent a duration of two weeks in bed with fever, aches, and chills. She could feel the fear her parents had--that she was so sick she was going to die--but one morning she woke up and the fever had broken. She didn't remember much, just flashes of images of her parents taking care of her, of the medics checking up on her.

It was much like how she was feeling now as her eyes slowly opened to reveal the medical bay on D'Qar.

Everything was quiet now--Poe and Kaleb weren't shouting, Ren wasn't forcing himself into her mind--all she could hear was the steady drone of medical monitors. Flexing her fingers, Evelyn took a deep breath, realizing that her memories of what happened on the Mirror Bright were quite fuzzy. Had she even been on the ship at all?

"Hey sleepyhead," Poe's voice interrupted her thoughts. She gazed up to see him step into her room. He brushed her hair back from her forehead and kissed her. "Feeling okay?"

"Been better--but I've also been worse," Evelyn answered, honestly. "What happened?"

Poe's eyes grew heavy, sad. "Black Squadron came to help us, but we wouldn't have gotten away if it weren't for Oddy. I tried to tell him not to do it, that the First Order would know he was the one that sabotaged the ship--but he didn't listen. We got confirmation about an hour ago--Hux had him executed."

Evelyn closed her eyes in an attempt to stop her tears. She felt Poe's fingers in her hair, his lips softly pressing kisses to her cheek. "It's my fault. If the First Order wasn't after me then Oddy never would have been blackmailed by Terex and none of this would have happened."

He sighed, sitting down on the bed. Reaching out, Poe put an arm around her. "This is not your fault."

She shook her head, violently. "But it is. If I wasn't so strong in the Force..."

"Don't you dare apologize for being you."

"But...Poe...if I..."

Poe took her face between his hands and look at her, intensely. "You are exactly who you were meant to be. Do you understand me? The First Order...they don't care about you as a person--they just want to exploit your talents. And they only want to do that because they know--you can destroy them."

Evelyn shook her head again, this time not with as much vigor. "You're wrong, Poe; I'm strong enough to destroy them. I couldn't even stop them five years ago--when they were murdering my friends, when they murdered my mother--nothing has changed. I won't be able to do it."

He pulled her tightly into his arms. "Not alone," Poe whispered in her ear. "But together--we can defeat them. It might just take time and patience."

She blinked her tears away and laughed, sadly. "I never thought I'd hear you talk about patience."

"First time for everything I suppose."

"Yes, I guess there is."

Leaning back ever so slightly, Poe lowered his lips to hers, kissing her tenderly. He had been so afraid he was going to lose her, especially when he had failed at keeping her safe. Resting his forehead against hers, Poe sighed. "Force, Evie, I thought I was going to lose you. I didn't think we'd make it in time. I've never been more afraid than I was when they took you."

Evelyn's thumbs ghosted over his cheeks. "I knew you would find me. I never doubted you for a second because you're so damn stubborn that you would have searched every corner of the galaxy for me--and never given up." She was silent for a moment, before she sighed, heavily. "It's only going to harder from here, isn't it?"

Poe took a deep breath, tightened his arms around her waist. "I'm afraid so, sweetheart."

"We need to find Master Tekka."

"We need to find your father."

She knew this; this had been the only thing on her mind for some time now. "In order to do that," Evelyn whispered, "We need to find Master Tekka. He has the map."

He pressed his lips to her forehead and slowly stood up, holding his hand out to her, Poe smiled, sadly, "Then what are we waiting for? We have a map to find."

#star wars #star wars fanfiction #poe dameron #poe dameron fanfiction #poe x oc #we belong to the stars

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myfight · 4 years ago

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ME AND MY 2 BABIES STORY PLEASE HELP US ANYBODY PLEASE AND THANK YOU

Hello Everyone I´m sorry to bother you Guys right now but as of right now i don´t know what else to do im 28 years old born in NC and brought up in NC by my grandmother my mom had 8 of us lol yes 8 of us she dropped us first four off with our grandma for a man so coming up was hard especially been the third oldest i had to grow up fast started cooking at the age of 5 childhood was very messed up and we was highly affected by our mother actions which cause us major pain because of the things we had to go through and hear getting beatings with drop cords switches belts brooms etc whatever they had close by sadly my mother came back to take us when i reach middle school all because my dad gave my grandmother money for taking care of his two he got with my mom me and a brother my mom was money hungry and still is but since he didn't give her the money she came back to take us out of spite knowing she didn't want us have your mother ever told you if her grandma was living she wouldn't had no kids at all or wish she didn't have the kids she got or feel the need to tell her kids how long they gone live in this world and her favorite was we want live to see our old age smh well mines said all of it proudly with a smile we were damage by that as well when i was 16 i moved in with my boyfriend and his family who was next door to my mom i was threaten daily by him and when i would tell my mom she would ask me what did i do to him or say to him as if it was my fault and i actually thought i was the bad guy breaking all the relationship rules then them threats turned into major beatings where i would have to run next door crying with the black eyes busted lips and all only for my mother to say the same thing WHAT DID I DO TO HIM so wrong smh sad but true it was like she didn't want me staying with her because she knew we didn't like her young husband who was beating on her and when we would take up for her she turned on us and was on his side and whatever he say goes so if he didn't want me there even doe i´m her blood she birth me she wasn't gone go against him so i want gone be there smh so i had no where at all to go but back to the one abusing me in many different forms it was like a hobby for him years passing by and beatings getting worst more black eyes bruises and busted lips he kept me in the house from everybody and i mean everybody when i was 20 i was blessed to be pregnant just by the wrong man who i always tried to get away from but i was beyond happy because i would soon see and feel what real love feels like and i thought by me being pregnant with his child the cheating would stop and i would be safe from the beatings but oh no i thought wrong yes the beatings was worst the whole 9 months i had black eyes busted lips etc even was slammed on the ground slammed on top of rocks and all while pregnant with nobody to turn too feeling unwanted and worthless but still happy because i was becoming a mother thinking when i have our baby it would be better for us both and plus i had no where to go so 2012 i had my first real love my baby thank GOD I was crying with full of joy i can say the first 2 months everything was good falling into place for my family no more beatings but then his old ways came back i´m getting beatings in front of my 2 month old even while holding him at times i´m home daily while he out living life because of my baby i kept faith even through the beatings hurt and pain then 2 years later i found out i was pregnant again i was beyond happy again but he wasn't at all so them beatings was way worst now i´m getting beating while pregnant holding my 2 year old mother still next door asking me what am i doing wrong smh he would put crushed pills in my food and drinks he would put a lot of stuff in my food and drinks to make me lose my second child i´m getting stomped and all when he get upset with whoever or when he couldn't get his way or his weed he did so much to try an make me lose my baby i went to my mom house next door while he was working i begged her to let me stay with her into i have my baby and ill do anything she said yes i could but i had to give her 200 in my food stamps every month and i was only getting 300 but i had to do whatever to save my baby this is year 2014 then i finally had my baby while staying at my moms when i was at the hospital he came crying saying all the right things i wanted to hear and now that my baby is here my mom no longer wanted us there so i went back to my baby daddy house the 3 of us everything was okay once again at first when my baby was 2 months he had came home around 3 or 4 am after leaving the club he came in all drunk just all over the place i whisper to him to please not be loud but i was talking to myself he was highly rude and loud now my 2 month old up crying and now he passes out as i´m trying to get her to stop crying he wakes up and look at me and her as we in the rocking chair and says ´´SHUT THAT LIL BITCH UP´´ and i responded back and said ´´MY BABY not NO BITCH AND YOU THE REASON SHE UP NOW¨¨ he responded back by saying the same thing so i said the same thing back as well then next thing i know i closed my eyes they were shut so tight all i could hear was a big boom and my two month old screaming when i opened my eyes all i could see was plate glass all in her hair blanket on her face and body and the same with me i broke down crying he kicked us out in the cold rain for about 30 minutes the next day came he comes in the room sees me holding my 2 month old with my 2 year old standing close by and i was on the phone and he heard me begging for some type of family help to leave from him asap i was crying he told me to get off the phone and when i didn't he throw his cellphone at me his cell phone hit my hand and broke my finger smh he put us in his car he pulled my hair all the way from our little city to the next little city while i´m in the backseat with both my babies holding them crying and that ride was almost a 30 minute ride now my scalp was bleeding and all sadly when we got back to his house i watched him sleep thinking about taking his life for all them years of beatings and cheating crying so bad and then i looked at my babies and said GOD blessed me for a reason and hes not worth leaving them because i´m all they got and want nobody treat them like i do i didn't go to sleep that night the next day he left to go out of town for work and i packed all of our stuff up and left he quit his job that same day and came where we was asking me to come back home and be with him but i was beyond tired now and over it so i said no he said ok you know what BITCH i´m tired of you and all i heard was his gun cock back and he turned around with it in his hand and all i did was fall into the front door of my grandma house on top of both my babies scared out of my mind crying laying on top of my two babies luckily my elderly cousin was there so he didn't shot the gun he said he got something for me and took off i called the law he went to jail he got out and the next day he was already with another woman everyone asked me how he moved on so fast after a day and i told them she was with him as long as i was even while i was living with him like i said before he was cheating and i was getting the beatings but me moving out him moving on didn't stop him from coming and putting his hands on me with his famous line you my baby mama i can do this and that smh never knew how to take him and at this point he would come kick in the door run over my babies bikes and all then call the police on his self and wait for them to come smh crazy right his woman he was with got mad at him and called the Social Services with a bunch of lies and the crazy part about it she called SS because the night before he wouldn't have sex with her childish right but she thought he didn't want to have sex with her because he was cheating with someone else or me baby girl not this one i was THANKING GOD i wasn't the one getting beatings every other day in front of my babies didn't even wish that on her but she texted him and said she was gone hurt him and me by getting our kids taken when i wasn't bothering them she was very close reaching that devilish goal especially with the lies that came out of her mouth but THANK GOD she was a highly sloppy sneaky person because when he showed the text of her saying that´s how she was gone hurt me and him by getting our kids taken SS dropped the case she went to jail too and they broke up for a week then he came back wanting my kids to go with her somewhere i said no he slapped me but that slapped didn't make me change my mind and when i told him its either my kids spending time with him without her because she just tried to have them taken he gone say to me and my kids goodbye he pick her so i said to hell with him he missing out on them growing up but he didn't care he made that clear and i was tired of being the nice person and at least let him try to be a dad he wasn't paying child support and he would see them every blue moon one day we had no food i called him and asked him to bring them a 1 dollar burger a piece he asked me do he look like a damn soup kitchen i said no you would look like a father smh i was working at a fast food place he came to the job bothering me being funny posting on Facebook him and his woman clowning me about where i was working but as a MOTHER a job is a job smh 2019-2020 me and my babies was homeless going house to house very unwelcome and unwanted getting talked about and trashed even slept in a car no help no support so called family talking down about us 3 among each other behind my back then they end up having a falling out and then start telling what each other said about me and my kids in front of me and my babies that shit was very hurtful all i did was cry only for my two babies to say don´t cry we went to stay with my dad my blood dad it only last two days because i woke up to him touching me sexually saying he feel like i´m hurt and unhappy and he would do whatever it takes to make me happy again and i told him as long as i have them to amazing kids ill always be happy i felt hurt by him doing me like that it messed me up it had me thinking have he did me like this when i was a baby a little girl because why would he try me while i´m a grown ass woman a mother of 2 i covered both my kids body parts mad as hell feeling like he would try them if he just tried me and it was 4 am i texted my sister and told her hurry up and pick us up because i was gone take his life yes my dad i was gone kill him for doing that dirty mess to me my clothes was still on and stuff he was rubbing between my legs on top of my pants while the 3 of us was sleep and i woke up even then he tried to say he was trying to hug me sadly and nasty at 6 am we was gone back to been homeless smh my kids dad making 23 an hour living his best life with his woman without a care in the world about his kids well being i´m their the full time mother and father and i always enjoy it then one day my kids dad called and was trashing me i was crying my baby got on the phone and said you not gone keep talking to my mom like that at the age of 5 i didn't tell him to say it and it shocked me and a few minutes later my grandma came in the house and said your kids dad outside my son started crying my grandma was like let him just talk to him i´m gone be right out there with him so they walks outside my kids dad made it to his car with my son before my grandma could even get off the porch next thing i know i could hear the horn blowing and my grandma being loud i ran outside he had locked my son in the car with him and was hitting my baby in the head with his hand and my son head was hitting the horn all because my baby said don´t talk to his mom like that smh so i called the law and ran outside with a knife ready for war not my son he let my crying baby out the car and took off he told my grandma that he would spit and hit her in the face like he did me so my grandma wanted us to leave she said she was to old for all that and i couldn't blame her but i was beyond hurt we had no where else to go the safe space ended up blessing us with the help of getting our own place thank GOD and i was working doing PCA Nursing everything going good and that so called mother of mines was working at the same job i had to work on Thanksgiving Christmas and all and it was suppose to be special because it was our first Christmas in our own house but we needed the money the 3 of us then one day that so called mother wanted me to work with her after i had just got done doing a 20 hr swift so she could spend time with that same husband who didn't like her kids who didn't want her to let me and my babies stay with her so we wouldn't be homeless when he lives else where but still control her and her house too the same husband she put before us when i said NO she fired me then called the boss a close friend of hers and told her i was fired and the boss went with it when the 89 year patient said i was the best worker she ever had i treated her like a queen i did her feet and all did things i didn't have to do i treated her like she was my great grandma i did everything how she loved it and wanted it trying to make her last years her best years i cried like a baby because i loved my patient so much i needed her like she needed me she was hurt and she still hurt now about it so next thing i know our power goes off the end of January 2021 when i called SS to get help paying it they said they can only help once a year and they had made a payment for me already i was lost and shocked come to find out a family member i trusted used my info and me and my kids names to get her light bill paid smh so they wouldn't help us and by me telling them that a family member used my info and i wanted to have them do something about it that family member was upset and called SS made some hurtful reports so my kids had to stay else where since the power was off and i wasn't no longer working so they was at my so called mother house who i wasn't dealing with because i put her in her place about how she treated us coming up and stuff smh she made everything worst for me i mean very worst now February comes lights still off and now we getting evicted as well so now its more then temporary since the eviction and SS don´t want my kids to be homeless again and neither did i they my everything but its a thing called karma my so called mom did me so wrong and i´ve begged and begged so many people to help us but nothing at all no type of help and support but that so called mom of mines got evicted and got into Friday and i found out yesterday that she was evicted and that my kids were crying because they have to move with their dad its killing me to see them hurt if i can get our rent paid and lights on then us 3 can be together or find somewhere to stay we can be together but i have nobody at all just us 3 its killing me that they hurting we always been together i´ve been the mother and father giving them everything i´ve always went without making sure they have i don´t care if i only had one outfit they will forever have plenty of everything i don´t have to eat as long as they full if i could i would give them the world with everyone still on it i need my babies just like they need me i´m their better half and they my better half they give me life they make my life beyond better since day one i cant live without them nor be without them to see my babies crying not being with me and having to go somewhere they don´t want be there never have never will and he even told the social services he don´t want them that hurts but he don´t have to want them i do and always have wanted them and always will if i had the right family and support and help things would be better but i have nobody but them they have nobody but me and i have nobody but them and GOD i´m dying in the inside and GOD knows that if they not with me i don´t wanna be here people will never know the pain i´m going through their dad toke them on his taxes and all he didn't offer us the right help didn't care at all about helping PERIOD my kids are down and out without me scared crying everyday and i´m not eating nor sleeping before i let them suffer and be hurt ill battle my life away for their happiness i´m their mother and father and i got into FRIDAY before my kids go with where they don´t want to be and where he don´t want them to be i´ve email so many people begging for help with some many tears in my eyes with a broken soul about to get a new job next week but i need help now and as i begged for help i gave them my landlord number i don´t need to touch any money or anything i just need a helping hand for us somebody anybody please please ill do anything GOD knows that i cant take it all we need is help and hope i´m breaking down into pieces without my babies everybody know how much i love my babies they my best friends and all we super close just like its hurting me its hurting them and ain´t nobody trying to help us and i thought their would be more people like me when i was working i was buying food for homeless giving them money and all that´s my type of heart and my babies ill give my last to anybody let people live with us now they got their own place and didn't offer me and my babies a place to stay not even one night before they was taken temporarily smh its killing me i need help ASAP PLEASEEEEEE ain´t nobody perfect but i´m perfect for my kids just like they are beyond perfect for me please somebody help us Thank You

#someone help #the giving pledge #please help #rental assistance #charity #safespace

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every1studio · 5 years ago

Text

SPECIAL: “pirates versus kidz” [ateez + straykids]

genre: misc. + mafia!au (mafia: violence, some hints of spice) + female reader

ficstyle: bulletpoints + alternate versions [INTRO]

requested: “detective y/n gets involved with two conflicting mafias and has the hearts of the leaders”

note: this is a birthday special to celebrate my birthday (,: so if you all don’t mind this is written is my two bias wreckers / ft. X1′s Hangyul

you were hustling papers on your desk

what was once a clean space, now looked like it was hit by a hurricane

“detective Y/N?!” the booming voice of your commander echoed the room

you left the mess to go respond to his order

“yes, sir?” you answered formally yet casually since he was like a father to you

“I want you to go undercover for the underground conflicts between Pirates and KidZ..”

you felt a cold coat of unsettling chill ghost over your skin, “by myself?”

the commander firmly nodded, “you are the most tactically trained and skilled in the whole city and you would be one of the top detectives in this country. and the less police presence we have, the more intel we’ll get. that’s all we want from them for now..”

you nodded as you took the file on the mafia gangs and left the room

you shlumped back down at your nightmare of a desk, “just intel, huh?”

you felt someone reaching near your personal space so out of reflex, you grabbed the person’s arm and pulled their arm back while shoving their head on your desk

“Y/N! IT’S ME. IT’S ME, HANGYUL!” your kid-of-a-partner was trying to scare you but it backfired on him

you immediately let go of him, nudged him as you ruffled his hair, “what do you think you’re doing?!”

Hangyul widely smiles, “you looked down so I wanted to lift up the mood.. what’s up..”

you shrugged, “chief wants me to go undercover..”

“for Pirates and KidZ case?”

you gave him a sharp and confused look, “does everyone here know except me?”

“nope, just me.. since I’m your partner and I needed to know where you are. just so that I wouldn’t go berserk if I couldn’t get a hold of you...”

you pinched his cheeks as you tidied your desk

“the mafia wouldn’t stand a chance..” you joked trying to make light of the whole situation

you were the youngest to graduate from the academy so you’ve been with the police department throughout your whole life up until this point

being in invested in this career from a young age this was all you knew and now you’re taking a couple steps ahead of yourself with this case

you looked over the files

Pirates: known for robbing banks and big international robberies involving rare art and jewelry; they are known to have 8 leaders and are big in numbers. also hard to track down. they are constantly traveling but their home base is somewhere in Korea

KidZ: known for global hacking, large amounts of counterfeiting and gambling; they have 9 leaders that are stationed in the most populated areas of the world. come together once a month; home base is also somewhere in Korea

what would these two mafias have in common that they would be each others enemies?

money, it always came down to money; it didn’t matter if it was blood money or stolen money.. and that was why the police had to be involved, too many people were being affected by these mafia gangs

later that week, you went to a club both of the gangs went to

although they were enemies, they were more like frenemies; friends who always competed against each other

you were slightly uncomfortable wearing something that would catch so much attention

and sooner than expected, you were met by Pirates first

you saw their photos through the files; but the photos really didn’t do them justice

although they were criminals, they were mighty good-looking

one of them especially caught your eye, but you fought it because you were on a job

maybe it was luck, but that exact guy from Pirates made a strong gaze at you

you put up a shy persona as looked away; pretending like you were caught in hungry stare but were you really pretending?

the guy sat down without looking at you at first, “I’ll pay for anything, the lady wants..”

you looked around secretively if there were any other girls around but you were the only one

you “nervously” ran your bangs out of your face and brought your hands down to rub your neck, “w-were you talking about me?”

the guy leans in; his body was completely facing you

“any guy here would be stupidly blind not to treat a girl like you with drinks and affection..” he grazed the back of his fingers on your arm

you felt a sensual chill run up and down your spine but you bit on your lips to stay focused

he gets closer to your ears as he eyes you from head to toe, “the name’s Yunho..”

Yunho reaches over to take your hand and kisses it

you blushed through your innocent smile, “Aurora..”

you had to use a false name, you had to run it over in your head over and over and over so that you wouldn’t get caught off guard by the littlest thing like exposing your real name

“the pretty lady has a pretty name to match her pretty face...” he’s more flirty and gentle than what it said in the files

the files said he was ruthless and being the tallest one of his pack, he had no problem with fighting more than a couple of guys at a time

if you didn’t know, you would’ve thought that he was just a normal, confident alpha guy trying to get at you

by the time you got your drink, he sat even closer to you; if you had cross you legs, your leg would fall completely on his leg

Yunho, being extremely charming as he was, had a frightening aura to him

you noticed the leader of Pirates, Hongjoong, came by and winked at you before whispering something in Yunho’s ear

Hongjoong left as Yunho got up from his seat

“sorry, princess, I got some business to attend..” he looks down at his Rolex and back at you, “but if you’re still here after half an hour... I’ll make sure you have a good time, Aurora...”

even if it wasn’t your name, you loved the way it rolled off of his tongue

not even 5 minutes went by when you were accompanied by another guy and you knew he looked so familiar

“what’s a lovely girl like you doing by herself at the bars? the bars is more dangerous than the dance floor you know?”

it was Han from KidZ

you pretended to adjust yourself to look prettier for him, “well.. I feel safer now that you’re here...”

you hoped that he took your innocent act as a way to get him to remember you, “that’s risky bet you’re taking, sweetheart..”

Han puts his hand on your thigh that was the closest to him, “can I get you another drink?”

you pretended like you were reluctant to answer his question

“hmm I don’t think it’s completely right to get a drink from someone I don’t know?”

he chuckles, “I’m Jisung.. and you are, darlin’?”

you didn’t know he was going to use his real name, Han was his street name

but of course, you had to pretended that you didn’t have that prior knowledge and answered his question, “Aurora..”

you kind of liked this attention but knowing that it was from mafia members made you feel conflicted

but the job was the job

before Jisung could bring your drink to you, someone tipped the drink up so that it would spill onto him

you both looked over to the person who tipped the drink was Yunho

“and I ohp... my bad, Jisung.. it’s been a while.. I see we always have the same type..” Yunho pulls you out of your seat and moves his attention away from Jisung and onto you

“did I spill anything on you, sweetheart?” the dark tone of his voice was drowned out by a sweet one

you weren’t able to even answer when you saw Jisung pour the rest of the drink onto Yunho’s head

then Jisung brings you to his side, “sadly we do have the same type..”

Yunho chuckles as he pushes his hair back; exposing his forehead, which was quite a look

“what’s your sorry short ass going to do about it? headbutt me in the stomach?”

Jisung reaches for something and you suspected it was a gun

with everyone in the club, you couldn’t have that happen

“if I’m the problem, I’ll leave...” you were ready to drop the job if it was to save people’s lives

they both looked at you and smirk at each other

“babygirl you’re worth fighting over..” Yunho grazes his fingers down your face then held his hand in the area between your jawline and neck

Jisung pulls you away from Yunho’s touch

“if you’ll excuse me, you Jack-the-Beanstalk Giant, I’ll take the lady elsewhere..”

Yunho pushes Jisung’s head away, “try me, headass baby squirrel”

“my pleasure.. fuckin’ stringbean”

there was nothing you could do but hope that they weren’t going to cause mass terror and destruction

but hey, looks like you got yourself right where the job needed you to be, right in between the two most infamous mafia gangs in the country

boy do you love your job

to be continued

[ masterlist + guidelines ]

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literaphobe · 4 years ago

Note

this may be a stupid suggestion but what was the reason for your parents stopping you from studying abroad? If it's financial reasons... would you consider going to some college in MY? Sounds like a step down from singapore, but ... you can get to at least move out of your parent's place. But just conscious that MY can be pretty homophobic as well but usually people in private colleges are pretty chill about it.

sadly it is not financial reasons. my dad... likes to lie and twist things. one moment he will claim we are very poor. no money. in financial ruin. ‘you might have to end up contributing to pay for your sister’s tutoring classes, hope that’s ok’. which. pressured me to work. i cannot emphasize what a bad idea it is for me, a person with very bad adhd who does not live on campus (and who has had to travel to and from school for two hours each way every time i have a class. guess who told me i wasn’t allowed to live on campus), to tutor students very frequently for money, traveling all over the city to do it. before covid i had 8 students. our school was also transitioning to be half offline and half online which was a terrible idea

after he claims financial reasons and i’m like “ok i accept that sorry” he will suddenly claim it is not financial reasons and make terrifying claims about how he could liquidify our assets to give me what i want and act like i’ve been throwing huge hissy fits about wanting it (something i can claim with 100% certainty i did not do the other day). he’ll be like “ok so u really wanna go overseas to study?? u really think i can’t make that happen for you? because i can!! i could sell the house! i could take out all sorts of loans and be thrown into financial ruin because of you!! i would do that!! but you have not proven yourself to me” his line about “proving myself to him” is something he’s been holding over my head like some kind of leverage over the past... 5-6 years or so of my life. it’s his way of infantilising me to prove that i would not survive out in the real world. it goes 1) “you have not proven yourself to me because your school grades aren’t good enough” —> i get ranked first in my school junior year, i get 83.75/90 rank points for my A Levels, MUCH higher than anything he or his gf ever got in theirs 2) “you have not proven yourself to me because you have never gotten a job” —> i get a job in f&b, spent 9 months before college and most of my first year working my ass off so i didn’t even get to chill out before university started, in my next promoting job i break the numbers record on my second shift there, now i have also picked up tutoring which before covid was making me $1.5k a month for working 11 hours a week, something he admitted to be impressed by given the fact that i was also a full time student 3) “you have not proven yourself to me because you did not end up doing well in the degree i forced you to do” —> very hypocritical of him because he took up a coding class a few weeks ago and admitted to me that he quit the course TWENTY MINUTES INTO THE FIRST CLASS. and admitted that “it’s really hard, sorry i passed on bad genes to you” so everything he says to me is just bullshit. he is just too much of a chicken to admit that he just doesn’t want to let me out of his grasp

#ask #abuse mention #i think the reason why he didn’t want me living on campus was because #he was convinced i would start having massive amounts of sex or something #which tbh? not his fucking business also #it’s just. god there’s just so many layers to everything that happens to me #my life is just me suffering one traumatic incident and then trying my damn hardest to avoid #yet another traumatic incident. only for it to happen anyway

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lovemesomesurveys · 4 years ago

Text

If you were a witch, which animal would be your familiar? I don’t what a familiar is or anything about witchcraft.

If there's a design on your shirt, what is it? I literally just described it in the previous survey I did, but it has Ralphie from A Christmas Story on it with a bar of soap in his mouth and says, “Oh, fudge”, which is a quote from the movie.

If it was possible to colonize any planet and you were the leader, which planet would you choose? I really wouldn’t want to be the leader of anything. I’m not fit for that.

Is there a piece of technology that you just can't live without? I mean, I’m pretty attached to my laptop and phone, but of course if for some reason I couldn’t have them I would survive, but it’d be really quite boring. I don’t have much to do.

Would you ever visit a ghost town? That would be interesting.

What's the last thing you ordered from the last fast food place you went to? Loaded potato wedges and 3 egg rolls from Jack in the Box.

Which natural disaster scares you the most? They all sound terrifying. I’ve never experienced one. What're your religious beliefs and why do you follow them? I’m a Christian. I believe in God and that Jesus died for our sins and is our Savior.

What do you think happens after you die? I believe in heaven and hell.

What would you do if you found out your life was only a simulation controlled by someone else? That’s scary. I’ve had thoughts like that, though. Like a Truman Show scenario or that one day I’ll wake up and find out my whole life has been a dream.

What's the scariest thing you've accidentally found on the internet? Ugh, I HATED when jump scare things would go around. Like, people would disguise as a link for something else and then you click it and it’s some ugly, creepy looking girl screaming really loud. OH, and there was that one with the car that was driving down some winding road and you’re watching and waiting to see what the video is about and then bam! something pops up on the scream and scares you. Ughhh. Not cool. I’m such a jumpy person as it is already.

Is there anything bothering you right now? The usual stuff as always.

Thinking of every Halloween costume you've had, which one was the most creative? I never had a really creative one. They were pretty simple.

What song are you currently listening to and what song was the last you listened to? I’m not listening to music.

What's the picture on your calendar for this month? I don’t have a calendar for this year at the moment.

If you were a mythical creature, which would you be? A fairy.

If you were an animal, which would you be? A dog.

Were you ever bullied when you were younger and how did you handle it? I wasn’t, fortunately. It was something my parents worried about when I was in elementary school because I’m in a wheelchair, but honestly I never had any issues with anyone. The only bullying I receive is from myself on a regular basis.

What do you remember most from being five years old? I have some vague, bits and pieces of memories from kindergarten.

What do you remember most from being ten years old? I have some memories from 4th grade. My favorite teacher ever was my 4th grade teacher (who later ended up teaching 8th grade and I had him again) and I remember funny stuff he did and like how he read out loud to us books such as Matilda and he would the voices and made it fun for us. He also used to sing, and I remember one time he led all of us in a rendition of “I Want It That Way” by The Backstreet Boys lol. He was so cool. Oh, and he was known for doing “the robot” dance and miming.

What do you remember most from being fifteen years old? Stuff from high school.

What does the last person you found attractive look like? Alexander Skarsgard is 6′4, has blonde hair, blue eyes, is very fit and in shape, and Swedish. He’s absolutely gorgeous.

Have you ever thrown something away and then wanted it back? Yes. I hold onto a lot of stuff that will sit in a box somewhere forever, but then if I get rid of something I’ll suddenly wish I still had it or have a need for it again.

What's one random city you want to visit? Seattle.

If you owned a store, what would you most likely sell? Books. It would have a cafe, too.

If you had a garden, what sort of plants would you grow? I don’t know, man. I have zero interest in gardening.

What's your favorite phase of the moon? I don’t have one.

What're your plans for today? I’ll attend my church’s livestream and then do the normal things I do everyday.

What's the song for your life right now? I don’t know.

Do you believe that when you die, you get to see all your loved ones again? Yes.

Who would you be the most excited to see? My grandparents.

Have you lost or almost lost someone close to you to death this year? Not so far... I don’t want to think about that.

Did you lose any of your friends this year and if so, how? I don’t have any friends to lose.

Have you experienced anything new this year and if so, what? Not so far, but we’re only in January.

Do you enjoy reading National Geographic magazines? I’ve only read a few.

Would you rather read the book or watch the movie? I love to read and I’m down to check out the movie.

Do you know anyone who's serving in the military right now? No.

Does or did either of your parents serve in the military? Nope.

Has anything in your house ever caught on fire? No.

Have you ever hugged a stranger you thought was someone else? No. Omg, that would be super embarrassing. I’ve waved to someone I thought was someone else, but never went so far as to hug someone I thought was someone else. As a small child, did you ever feel as if you were different or weird? No, not really.

If you could instantly know any language in the world, what would it be? I’d like to be fluent in Spanish.

This year, how many times have you been to the doctor? So far just once. I go once a month and we’re only in January.

Do you have a library card and if so, do you use it often? Nope. I haven’t had a library card since I was in high school.

Do you like romcoms and if you do, which one is your favorite? Yeah, I’m a sucker for the romcoms. I have several favorites.

Thinking of your ex and the person you love, are they similar in any way at all? I don’t have a significant other or someone I’m interested in at the moment.

Is there something you currently want and/or need that you can’t have? Yes.

Thinking back to six weeks ago, were you happier then or are you happier now and why? Neither then or now.

Who's the first male you can think of whose name begins with "T" and what can you tell me about him? Thomas, my maternal grandpa. He sadly passed away 10 years ago. Both of my maternal grandparents passed away. I was very close with both of them and losing them was very hard for me. I miss them both every single day. My grandpa was an amazing man. He was the best husband, father, and grandpa. He was hardworking. He provided well for his family. He was loving. He was so funny. He told the best stories. He was known for being a talker haha, he could go on and on for hours, but everyone always wanted to hear what he had to say. And sometimes he’d go off on tangents, but the stories always came for circle. He was just an incredible man, well loved and missed by many.

Can you say "happy birthday" in another language? Yeah, “Feliz cumpleaños.”

What subjects do you or did you get the worst grades in? Math was always my worst subject, I barely scraped by with Cs.

Should you be concentrating on something else instead of this survey? Nah. This is my nighttime routine.

Have you ever told someone that you loved them and they rejected you? I didn’t tell them I loved them, but I expressed my feelings for them and was rejected. Twice.

Do you know anyone else that's happened to? Yeah.

Is there anything you want to say to someone, but you can’t or won’t? Not at this time. What're your reasons for not saying it? --

Who's someone in the music industry you think is overrated? Taylor Swift. Don’t for me, Swifties.

Who's the eleventh contact in your phone and when did you last see or speak to that person? I’m not checking.

What’s your mother’s middle name? I’m not sharing that.

When was the last time you ate cake and what type of cake was it? I had some red velvet cake a few days ago.

Have you ever been told you were too good or not good enough for someone you loved? I had friends who said I was too good for Joseph. I wasn’t good enough, though.

Why do you think someone would say that to you? They didn’t like how he treated me and thought he was too immature.

If the last person you kissed said you were the only one they wanted, would you believe them? That was 8 years ago, I don’t see him ever saying that now...

Who was your first crush, how do you feel about that person now and do you still talk to them? My first crush was this kid Philip when I was in 3rd grade lol it was just some little crush, I was 9. He didn’t even know me.

Who was the last person that apologized to you and what was it for? I don’t recall.

So how're things going with the person you love? There’s no such person.

Are you "in love" with the last person you kissed? No. I moved on years ago.

Do you have photos to go with all of the contacts in your phone? I haven’t added a photo for any of my contacts.

Who was the last person to comment on one of your photos on Facebook and how did you meet that person? I think it was my Nana.

How many of your friends are sexually active?

To finish, is there anything you would like to say to someone? Sigh.

Do you think surveys are annoying? They can be sometimes, but I really do enjoy doing them. Clearly.

What career paths are you considering? I don’t know. :/

Do you watch music videos? I haven’t in a long time.

Have you ever clicked on those banner ads that promise a prize for clicking? No. I definitely don’t miss popup ads.

What kind of computer are you using? Macbook Air.

What kind of computer do you wish you were using? I’m happy with this one.

Have you ever had a weight change so drastic you went to the doctor? I didn’t see a doctor for it specifically, but yeah it was concerning. It’s still a problem I’m struggling with.

How cold does it have to be before you put on a sweater? In the 60s F, I’d say.

Do you eat things off the floor? Never.

Who do people say you look like? My mom.

Do you usually get your homework done on time? I’m done with school, but yeah I always got my homework done on time. I may have been a major procrastinator, but my work always got done.

Have you ever framed your old movie ticket stubs? Not framed, but kept.

Do you have a digital camera? Nope.

Have you ever stuck something inappropriate in an electrical outlet? No. I’m afraid to plug in things that meant to go in there as it is.

What do you have anything scheduled for the 16th of this or next month? We’re past the 16th now, but no I didn’t have anything going on that day and I don’t have anything planned for that day next month either.

Can you sleep without any pillows? No. I can’t sleep flat, I have to be propped up.

Is there a color you refuse to wear? I don’t like to wear white.

Has anyone ever pulled a gun on you? No, but I am a victim of random gun violence.

Are there any chairs in your bedroom? My chair. There’s an ottoman that could also be a chair as well.

How many pairs of shoes do you have? Like 6 or 7.

How much was the last item of clothing you bought? My total was $40 for 2 shirts, but I ordered online so there’s additional fees.

Where's your father right now? He’s in his room asleep.

Do you skip breakfast often? Yeah.

How many days has it been since your last birthday? My birthday was 6 months ago.

Do you want any more siblings than you have now? Nah, at 31 years old I can’t imagine having another sibling.

Would you make a good president or prime minister? Nope. I have no desire to be one.

Are you going out of the country soon and if so, where to? No. I don’t have any travel plans and who knows when I will at this point. :(

Do you ever feel like you want to get away from everything? Yeppp.

Do you need a haircut? I could use a trim.

When was the last time you went on a trampoline? Never.

Were you alone today? I’m alone right now in my room cause everyone else is asleep, but they’re here in the house. My dad is off today and will be home all day. My mom and brother have work, but they’ll be home at some point.

Who was the last person you saw today? The day isn’t over yet, it’s only 4:51AM, but I’m willing to bet my brother will be the last person I see cause he and I stay up late.

#personal #text #survey #surveys

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asgardlover75 · 5 years ago

Text

Wonderwall

So this is one of my favorite songs of all time. I love the simplicity of it and the fact that everyone loves to sing it, regardless of their taste in music. I’ve been thinking long and hard about how to write this one and had some ideas. One day last week I just sat down and wrote. Kinda nice when things flow like that. I’ve decided to go ahead and post it because if I keep messing with it I’m gonna go crazy. Lol

Thank you @buckysforeverprincess for hosting this and congrats on the milestone!

Enjoy!

Character Pairing – Steve x OFC

Triggers – some talk of foster care and neglect but nothing too crazy.

Song – Wonderwall by Oasis

Since Shield had been rebuilt, much to Steve’s disappointment, the Avengers had created a program that allowed some sharing of resources with other agencies. Those agencies were the federal and world wide governments and SHIELD of course. Sharon Carter had become director of SHIELD for its reincarnation and she had been doing a bang up job so far. Agents that Director Carter and a small group of trusted advisors thought were reliable and trustworthy could have a chance to work closely with the Avengers. That could entail going on missions across the world or helping out at the compound or Avengers Tower. In the last two years there had only been a handful of agents picked for this highly prized internship but Steve had to say he definitely had his favorites.

Aribella Stone was one of those favorites.

“Uh, forgive me Director but these stats are not as…they kinda suck compared to what you’ve compiled for us before.”

Steve sat next to Tony, rolling his eyes as he blew out a frustrated breath. Chastising the billionaire quietly, the captain gave his friend the stink eye and turned back to Sharon. The director looked unaffected by Tony’s outburst and even had a trace of smugness in her smile.

“No, the stats aren’t as high as what we normally select but this one is special. I think she will fit in nicely with your bunch.”

Tony froze, looking up at the woman across from him, puzzled.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means she’s good at her job and can hold her own with you assholes.”

Nine months later and the team joked about keeping her permanently because Sharon was correct. Aribella fit in so well with their group that it felt like she’d always been there. No, she wasn’t the fastest agent they’d worked with. Aribella couldn’t break down a weapon in record time or take down someone twice her size, but she was dependable and smart as hell. She also rivaled Stark in the snark department.

Sam and Bucky enjoyed her ability to word vomit her thoughts. She had no filter at all but no one complained because her insight was almost always valuable and her humor was on par with theirs. Tony and Bruce would often drag her into the lab to pick her analytical brain and outside the box thinking. Wanda and Nat just liked having another girl that they could just be themselves around.

She wasn’t the only agent working with them at the moment, but there was more of a camaraderie with Aribella than the other agents. Steve and Tony didn’t play favorites, each agent had their own strengths and helped contribute. Aribella’s were just more well-rounded than some of the others. The petite, 28 year old blonde had become an invaluable member of their team and none of them wanted her to leave, but her time was up and it was soon becoming someone else’s turn to learn from Earth’s mightiest heroes.

Then, the illness hit. All around the world people were becoming sick and dying and there was a race to stop the mysterious illness. Quarantines were instituted all over, especially in the bigger cities. New York was no exception. Considering around 8 million people lived there the team made the decision to move back into the tower, hopefully temporarily. Bruce and Tony would be working with scientists around the world to figure out the virus and try to make a vaccine. The rest would be ready to help out wherever needed and they needed to be in the thick of it.

Pepper was working on making sure all non-essential personnel made it home to their families safely and that they had what they needed during lockdown. Aribella and Nat had worked alongside her to prepare as well as they could for not only their employees, but anything the team might need as well. Tony and Steve had come to Pepper’s office to check on how things were going and share information. Aribella and Nat were gone when they arrived, which was probably a good thing. They needed to get working as soon as possible.

“We’ll need to keep a skeleton crew at the compound just in case. Sam has a list of those that are volunteering to stay, a couple would like their families to stay with them as well.” Pepper’s voice had a tinge of exhaustion in it as she shared where they were with Tony and Steve.

“Shouldn’t be a problem. The automated systems are enough to keep everyone safe. We can always run over and check on them if need be.” Tony responded, a bit distracted by the news on the screen in front of him.

Steve was sitting on the couch, studying his Stark tablet when he heard the worry in Tony’s voice and looked up. The banner at the bottom of the screen scrolled across with the numbers of those sick and infected and they seemed to climb every day. He knew that Tony was using every resource at his disposal to try and help the World Health Organization and the CDC get ahold on this thing. Sharing a quick glance with Pepper, Steve cleared his throat and tried to refocus his friend.

“Looks like all the agents on loan have been released to go back home. Three of them have volunteered for anything we might need and are willing to come back should something happen that we need some help with.”

“Does that include your girl too?”

Steve felt his face heat up at Tony’s playful tone but kept his eyes on the tablet. It irked him being so transparent that his friends had picked up on his interest in Aribella. Though their ribbing had been relatively gentle, Tony took every opportunity to goad him, especially when the lady in question wasn’t around.

“Oh, she’s staying.”

One dark and one light haired head whipped around to stare at Pepper. Tony’s Cheshire grin seemed to engulf his face it was so wide and Steve…if Bucky were there he would remind his friend to close his mouth before he caught some flies in it. The redhead’s face softened and she stood from her desk chair and walked over to her husband. Learning into his side, she slid her hand over his chest and smiled sadly at them both.

“She offered to stay so some of the security guards could go home and be with their families.”

Brow crinkling, Steve rubbed his chest over his heart trying to soothe the ache there. He knew why she had volunteered because he had stepped quite heavily into that minefield about one month after Ari had joined them.

“So tell us about your family Aribella.” Steve’s words had been intended to continue the warm atmosphere of the night but seemed to have the opposite effect as he watched her face change. A small, sad smile formed on her lips and she took a drink of the beer before speaking.

“Um, there’s not much to tell. I actually grew up in the foster system.” Her head came up to meet Steve’s gaze and saw the look of apology there as he opened his mouth to speak. “It’s ok.” The hand not holding her drink was stretched in his direction, palm towards him as if to stop what she knew came next. She continued, her voice taking on a softer tone. “It’s not like I go around introducing myself as an orphan. Please don’t feel bad about it.”

Sitting next to her on the couch, Sam reached over and laid his hand on her shoulder, giving it a squeeze.

“You don’t have to offer anything you don’t want to.” His quiet, soothing tone bringing a smile to her face.

“I don’t mind talking about it. Just seems to bring the mood down when I do so I don’t tend to volunteer information unless it comes up.”

For the next hour or so the team had asked questions and Aribella answered them honestly, her instinct telling her that the information wouldn’t leave this group and that there would be no judgement of her upbringing. While she was open, she left many details to herself that night. Steve however, knew a bit more than his friends due to the late nights he and Aribella seemed to find themselves having.

Being a super soldier Steve didn’t need a lot of sleep and often found himself restless in the early morning hours. About a week after Ari’s revelation he found her on the balcony outside the kitchen, a blanket wrapped around her shoulders and a warm cup of tea held in her hands. She was staring blankly out onto the city and before he could consciously make the decision his feet carried him outside.

Despite obviously being tired, Ari greeted him with a warm smile and a raspy greeting. That was the first of many talks they had shared with one another and over the next few months she opened up to Steve about her childhood. It wasn’t always pleasant. Six different foster families before she finally graduated high school and the last one’s…well they weren’t unhappy to see her go. Just the money.

Steve thanked whatever deity existed that she never suffered any abuse in her homes but his heart ached at the neglect she found. Her first family was the most caring and the one she had for the longest. They had desperately been trying for a child and decided to foster in the meantime. Ari was just seven years old when she arrived at their house but it was filled with love and warmth.

A couple of years after her arrival the wife finally became pregnant and Ari feared she would have to leave. The couple reassured her they wanted her to stay but when the baby was born things changed. He was so sick and had so many issues they couldn’t manage both children. To this day she remembered how heartbroken they were to have to send her back.

“Melinda was nearly inconsolable in her grief. I remember, despite all the strain she was under, she was still so patient and kind to me. It was just too much for them. I don’t blame them at all. In fact, I still keep in contact with them.”

Steve turned his head to study Ari’s face. Anyone could hear the warmth and love in her voice for her first foster parents. He also saw the glassiness of her eyes and the way her shoulders pulled in as if to protect herself.

“How did their son fare, after you left?” His quiet inquiry brought a genuine smile to her face, despite the tear that fell down her cheek.

“Pretty healthy considering all the heart surgeries he’s had. Nathan is getting ready to graduate high school this year.”

The other families though…Steve had to remind himself that he could not go and visit them to give them a piece of his mind. He was better than that, despite every bone in his body itching to do so. Ari’s stories ranged from having to fix one of her foster family’s dinner every night, before she could do her homework or eat herself, to having to lock her door because she never knew if someone would try and take out their anger on her in their inebriated state. She definitely considered herself lucky to have made it to 28 years and still be a relatively sane and mentally balanced individual.

If anything the stories had only endeared her to Steve even more. He saw a young girl, alone with not much support, tough it out and make the best of her situation. It wasn’t easy but he felt a sense of pride to hear how she had taken care of herself after graduating high school. Signing up for SHIELD, finding a roommate and a place to live and working a part time job on the side. On the few missions she had been on, most locally, he witnessed her kind and compassionate nature along with her ability to protect those around her. Hell, he didn’t know anyone who didn’t like Ari.

While she wasn’t as lithe and skilled as Natasha, she definitely knew how to defend herself and work with a team. She had earned the respect of the Avengers for her brains and kindness along with her strong belief in hard work. Steve wasn’t sure when his feelings for her had started to change but it had gotten to the point of distraction lately. Possibly because they were all locked in together.

Her curves definitely did something for Steve as well, who had been caught by Bucky or Sam multiple times staring at their charge. Sam would just smile that canary eating grin but Bucky would give him crap when they were alone.

“Why the hell don’t you just ask her out, Punk. For a coffee or something. You know how much she likes her coffee.”

“She’s our teammate Buck. I don’t want to make her uncomfortable.”

Bucky snorted and pushed Steve into the wall as they walked to the elevator.

“I’m relatively sure she wouldn’t complain ya big idiot. She’s almost as bad as you are with the puppy dog eyes.”

Those words had caused Steve to stop in the middle of the hall as he stared after the super soldier in disbelief. The shit eating grin covering Bucky’s face barely registered as he waved his metal fingers in a good bye gesture, the elevator doors closing and leaving Steve bewildered.

Present Day

Rubbing his face roughly, Steve felt the stubble starting to grow and wondered how the hell he hadn’t realized he needed to shave in the last few days. They’d been so busy working their asses off that basic hygiene seemed to suffer for everyone, not just himself. Setting the tablet down he sat back in his chair and spun around to look out over the city. It looked strange, even to someone who had viewed it before all the technology and millions of people came along.

Streets were barren of cars and people, an odd one of both things here and there. Many lights that were normally blindingly bright were dimmed or off completely giving the city a bit of an eerie feel. He definitely didn’t like it but it meant that people were doing what they should me. Staying home and staying safe.

It was past dinner when Steve finally made his way towards the common room. He had been so involved in the current information collected that he had lost track of time once again. Meaning dinner was over and everyone was probably back in their rooms already. Frowning, he clicked the tablet in his hands off and thought about what he needed to accomplish tonight.

As he neared his destination a soothing guitar sound filled his ears and he lost all concentration when he rounded the corner. Sitting on the ottoman was Ari. Her acoustic guitar was perched on her left thigh, eyes closed and he could hear her humming quietly along with the tune she played. It wouldn’t be the first time he had found her practicing in the big room, though usually Clint was here coaching her or singing while she played.

He grinned as he leaned against the wall and tried to quietly watch her. She had her hair pulled back into a bun tonight, one of his favorites only because she couldn’t hide her face behind her hair. Feet were bare, as usual, one leg tucked under the other as she sat up straight to play. The tune was repetitive but the notes soothing with a mood he couldn’t quite put a finger on. She made a few mistakes but plodded on and he watched as a proud tilt came to her lips.

“You’re getting better at that.” He offered quietly, watching as she turned her head to gift him with a smile but continued playing. A slight blush rose to her cheeks and he felt an ache in his chest at the sight. Man, he had it bad.

“Thanks. Though this is a pretty simple melody so I should be able to get it with as much as I’ve practiced.” Her statement didn’t hold any negative feelings about her ability to play. She had worked really hard on this song because it was one of her favorites and seemed to speak to her more than usual.

Smiling, he waited a few bars before he pushed off the wall and made his way to the chair a couple feet in front of her and to her right. He sat down heavily, leaning back into the cushion as he watched her fingers pluck out the notes gracefully. Her eyes slid closed, her right foot tapping out a quiet pattern to the notes she played.

“What’s it called?”

“Wonderwall. It’s by an English band called Oasis. It’s one of those songs that everybody knows and is usually sung by a lot of people. Sometimes drunk.”

Steve laughed at her words and leaned forward resting his elbows on his thighs. Their gazes locked for a moment before Ari looked down to hide what she was sure were her feelings written all over her face.

“I’m almost afraid to ask, but what’s a Wonderwall?” There was a brief silence before Friday’s voice made them both jump, though his eyes didn’t leave Ari’s form while the AI answered his question.

“According to Urban Dictionary, a Wonderwall is somebody you find yourself thinking about constantly, and you are completely infatuated with. Writer of the song, Noel Gallagher told BBC Radio 2 in 2002 “ It’s a song about an imaginary friend who’s gonna come and save you from yourself.”

Quietly, he thanked the AI and processed the information. It was just a song. It didn’t mean anything, right? She said it was popular and it sounded relatively simple to play. However, Ari still hadn’t looked up and his stomach did a funny turn. She obviously picked it because it meant something to her. Ari didn’t do things just because. There was always meaning or a reason for something. Steeling himself for what could possibly be a mistake, he took a deep breath and gathered his courage.

“Will you sing it for me?” Steve’s soft request caused her head to shoot up and the air to catch in her throat. Soft blue eyes met hers and she saw the compassion and genuine interest in them along with something else she couldn’t quite place. Swallowing heavily, she nodded and cleared her throat willing her nerves to go away. Fingers strummed nervously over the strings before she took a deep breath and started to play.

Today is gonna be the day That they're gonna throw it back to you By now you should've somehow Realized what you gotta do I don't believe that anybody Feels the way I do, about you now

Backbeat, the word was on the street That the fire in your heart is out I'm sure you've heard it all before But you never really had a doubt I don't believe that anybody Feels the way I do about you now

And all the roads we have to walk are winding And all the lights that lead us there are blinding There are many things that I Would like to say to you but I don't know how

Because maybe, you're gonna be the one that saves me And after all, you're my wonderwall

Today was gonna be the day But they'll never throw it back to you By now you should've somehow Realized what you're not to do I don't believe that anybody Feels the way I do, about you now

And all the roads that lead you there are winding And all the lights that light the way are blinding There are many things that I Would like to say to you but I don't know how

I said maybe, you're gonna be the one that saves me And after all, you're my wonderwall

I said maybe, you're gonna be the one that saves me you're gonna be the one that saves me you're gonna be the one that saves me

It was comfortably silent in the room as she strummed the last few notes and Steve could see her fingers shaking against the strings. Slowly, he reached over and wrapped his fingers around the neck of the guitar and pulled it gently away from her. Ari’s eyes shot open and met his, a gentle smile coming to his lips at the vulnerability he saw. Steve didn’t break eye contact as he set the instrument down to his left and slid to the floor on his knees. His hands rested on the padded surface beside her thighs, not touching but ready to move in an instant if he felt any sort of alarm or resistance from the beautiful woman in front of him.

He brought his hands up to cup her face, resting them gently on either side as if he held the most precious thing in the world. Her pulse raced under his hands and he smiled, his thumbs feathering back and forth over her cheeks.

“Breathe sweetheart. I’m not sure I can handle it if you pass out on me.” Ari gave a wavering laugh at his levity and took a deep breath, her eyes closing as he held her. She felt his breath wash across her lips before he lightly skimmed his mouth across hers.

First kisses were always special, at least hers had been. This one though, was soft, sweet and short circuited her brain. Every pass of his soft lips on hers, he increased the pressure slightly, sending her heart flying. Her hands came up to rest on his forearms earning a hum from the sweet man who was kneeling in front of her.

Ari’s lips parted and Steve wasted no time deepening the kiss. He was still gentle, but his tongue slid across her lips then dipped inside to find hers. One of his hands left her face to wrap around her hip as he pulled his body into hers, chest to chest, and tilted his head to gain better access.

Neither knew how long they became lost in one another but finally the urge to breathe won out and Steve pulled back. Resting his forehead against hers they both fought to catch some air, hearts racing in their chests. Both remained silent, Steve’s eyes sliding open as he pulled back from her. When she finally met his gaze he smiled, his thumb rubbing over her cheek softly.

“Since you haven’t decked me yet I’m assuming that was ok.”

Throwing her head back, Ari let out a belly laugh at his words. Steve’s grin deepened as the sound of her happiness made the pace of his heart pick up again. Her hazel eyes met his as they crinkled with her humor and she leaned forward to place a kiss to his lips.

“It was more than ok. It was wonderful.”

“It’s about damn time.” The baritone voice from the hallway surprised them, causing Ari to yelp and move quickly towards Steve. Unprepared for both their audience and Ari’s reaction, Steve lost his balance and wrapped his arms around her waist as he tumbled backwards with an oomph.

Neither one of them heard footsteps but suddenly Bucky’s dark head was over them, hands on his thighs as he grinned in their direction.

“How long have you been there?” Steve asked confused, still trying to wrap his brain around what just happened.

“Don’t worry. I wasn’t spying on you two. I came to get a drink and well, you didn’t notice because you were slobbering all over each other.”

“Buck!” Steve admonished his friend while Ari hid her face in his chest and laughed.

“I didn’t say there was anything wrong with it. I’m glad you two finally figured it the fuck out. It was exhausting and frankly nauseating watching you two make eyes at each other.” Bucky’s words might have been harsh but the smile on his face spoke volumes. He was genuinely happy for his friends and glad he was the one that caught them, not Tony or one of the others. “Imma go get my drink and leave you kids alone.” With a salacious wiggle of his brows, Bucky turned to go into the kitchen while Ari and Steve stayed right where they were.

Steve felt contentment wash over him, as Ari’s palm rested on his chest and her head settled on his shoulder. He reached up to wrap her hand in his and felt sure that the smile on his face was going to be permanent. The smile was gone with Bucky’s next words.

“You two might want to skedaddle in case one of the others come in here. They won’t be quite so nice about finding you two in a compromising position as I am.” As he was leaving the room he heard Steve’s snort and Ari’s giggle and found himself smiling almost as big as Steve had been just moments before. It was good to see his friends happy, now he had to go and find Sam to tell him the good news.

Thanks for reading!

#bfp3750 #steve x ofc #90slove

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