finallyaniguana

[finallyaniguana]

so imagine you have a cat and sometimes he'll disappear for a while and you're like 'oh no what happened to my cat,' only to find out your neighbor also feeds your cat and calls him a different name. now imagine your name is Jack Drake and that cat is your son Tim

[finallyaniguana]

editing your own work is like trying to give your weird little son a haircut while he bites you

[finallyaniguana]

[finallyaniguana]

@finallyaniguana submitted: A few friends from a recent trip to South Carolina 💛

An eastern lubber grasshopper and a giant golden orb weaver (who had some of the most intricate webs ive ever seen)

Two large beauties! 10/10 I love them both deeply

[finallyaniguana]

to be loved is for people to send me pictures of cool bugs

[finallyaniguana]

@finallyaniguana submitted: A photo of a thistle weevil i took last summer 💛

WEEVIL TIME! 10/10

[finallyaniguana]

if you are going to need some kind of sedative for 4th of july fireworks for your pets NOW IS THE TIME TO SCHEDULE THOSE APPOINTMENTS TO ASK FOR THEM

NOT WHEN ITS 2 DAYS AWAY

[finallyaniguana]

idk who needs to hear this but if you have been putting something off bc it doesn't need to be done until the end of the month. we are almost done with the teens we are approaching the big numbers (the twenties). that date shall dawn upon you swiftly and without mercy before you know it. psa for everyone except me i got plany off time

[finallyaniguana]

> read library book

> it's good

Thank you library

[finallyaniguana]

They should invent a method of asking for reassurance that nobody secretly hates you that doesn't make people secretly hate you.

[finallyaniguana]

sorry danny, sam will never think you’re cool

[finallyaniguana]

If I had been at that opera, the rest of the events of the musical would not have happened because I would have chased Anatole out of Moscow right then and there!!!!!! Red flags from the beginning with that man!!!!!!

[finallyaniguana]

my dealer: got some straight gas ‼️this strain is called "balaga" 😳 you'll feel the most fun and joy you've ever felt 💯

me: yeah whatever. i dont feel shit

5 minutes later: dude i swear that we're on a road not on any map

my buddy balaga, driving: yes sir yes sir yes sir

[finallyaniguana]

"I asked ChatGPT--"

Yeah well, I asked the wasps nest in my attic. It sang its answer so beautifully to me, but I am so very afraid of it. Perhaps it will soothe my itching soul...

[finallyaniguana]

Superman desperately scanning the street during a fight to find the most morally acceptable car to throw at his opponent, knowing that not everybody has insurance, and loss of transportation can ruin a life -

A wave of incredible relief washes over him as he spots the hard geometric lines and silver paintless sheen of a Cybertruck.

[finallyaniguana]

So I started working again today, and me and my coworker had to squeeze lemons which usually is a really un fun job but TODAY. We had the mostly lovely batch of lemons to work with. So we rated how smoothly they cut and how nice the insides of them looked for about an hour. An absolutely marvelous time I gotta say

[finallyaniguana]

the “they should have been at the club” thing doesn’t exactly work for great comet characters. Like maybe they shouldn’t have been at the club