#after 3.5 years the plague got me

[readingthief]

Taking some time outside to deal with the boredom of being home sick this week.

[reidsdimples]

Accidental Baby Genius | Part 2

Based on the request from part 1

You tell Spencer about his child, years later.

Fluff/angst/no smut 🖤 🧸

Enjoy some AI renderings of Reid’s son 🫶🏻

3.5 Years later

“Mommy!” Your son raises his arms when you walk in the door. He hugs you tight around the neck.

“Roman,” you sigh and hold him for a minute. You push away the gnawing realization that’s been plaguing you for months.

He looks up at you with big brown eyes and sweeps his wavy brown locks from his face. You put your hand in his hair and mess it all up again and he laughs. Even his laugh- the way his face contorts- it’s so achingly familiar.

The cut of his jaw as he approaches three years old is becoming more pronounced. You can’t unsee it in him, Spencer Reid is his father. And if his looks weren’t enough of a convincer-

“Rome read me three Dr Seuss books and The Very Hungry Caterpillar today,” your sister informs you,

“Four!” He pouts.

Your two year old was reading at a fucking first grade level if not higher. You sigh, in awe of him.

A familiar heartache seizes you. Spencer has no idea that this amazing little boy is his son.

“I think it’s time,” you shake your head and inform your sister.

“I think so too,” she agrees.

Roman as back to his spot on the floor, building a Lego set of the Star Wars star destroyer which is huge and you can’t figure out how to build. But he’s over half done and you can watch him move around and articulate how to do it all day long.

You noticed about a week ago that he’s started to lick his bottom lip when he’s thinking, or bite it when he’s nervous. It’s not a trait he got from you.

In fact the only thing he seemed to get from you was his nose and ears but the jury was still out on that one. It’s like you birthed a mini Spencer Reid.

“Hey Romi,” you call him by his nickname and wave him over.

“Do you remember how you asked me about your dad?”

“Uhuhh,” he uses his palm to brush his hair back with his hands which are too big for him.

“How would you like to meet him?” He turns in your arms and lights up.

“Does he like reading?”

“He does,” you answer and fight back tears.

“What about counting, because I can count all the way to five thousand,” he starts talking faster when he’s excited.

“I think so,” you caress his small face and kiss his forehead.

—

“I didn’t know if this was still your number,” you say when Spencer answers his phone.

“I’ve had it for years, what’s up?” He seems distracted and you don’t want to do this over the phone.

“Can we talk… in person,” you ask.

“Sure?” He hasn’t spoken to you since about a month after you left the team so abruptly.

“How’s lunch tomorrow?” You ask.

“I thought you moved?” He presses.

“My sister and I moved to DC last month, I’m working at the pentagon now,” you inform him.

“Wow, okay,” you hear shuffling in the background. “Let’s do pizza, you still like Ray’s?” He asks because you two ate there all the time.

“Yeah, how about 1230?”

“Sounds good, see you then,” he hangs up.

Your sister takes your shaking hand but you calm yourself by looking at your beautiful boy.

You think Spencer will want to be a dad, you think he’s mentioned it before. Especially with how absent his father was. But you’re nervous and unsure. He would have every right to be angry with you, Roman was almost three. But it’s better late than never right?

-

“Spencer,” you beam nervously and he hugs you. He seems taller, his hair seems curlier, and he’s got some facial hair. He looks… matured. You wonder what he’s been through, what he’s seen with the BAU since you last saw him.

“Y/N, how are you?” He asks.

“Good, I’m good,” you guys sit outside and make idle chat about work.

You fall into easy conversation over pepperoni pizza and he laughs about some joke your coworker made about Aristotle.

“You said you needed to talk to me?” He crosses his legs and pushes his hair back with his palm(just like Roman does.)

“Spencer…” you shake your head and look down at your lap. Your throat tightens and it all comes down to this moment.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” He leans forward and drops his pizza.

“I’m so sorry,” you don’t expect to cry but you do. He drags the metal outdoor chair closer to you and touches your shoulder:

“Sorry for what? What’s going on?” He seems worried.

“I didn’t just leave the BAU for a new position,” you sigh and wipe your eyes. You turn in your chair towards him and pull your knees to your chest.

His brows are furrowed, full and dark just like your sons.

“I got pregnant,” you huff out a shaky breath.

He slides his chair back. You can’t look at him.

“What are you saying?” His voice is low.

“This is Roman,” you slide your phone across the table towards him. Your lock screen is a picture of your son staring at the camera as though he’s far beyond his years.

Spencer inspects it, his eyes scanning the photo frantically.

“That- he…” and then a tear falls down his face. “Do you have more pictures?”

You take your phone and give him your camera roll.

He swipes for a while, he’s biting his lip, his eyes bloodshot.

“He looks just like me,” he whispers a broken whisper and sits back down.

“I know,” you can hardly speak.

“How long have you known he was mine?” He doesn’t sound angry, just… sad.

“I’ve suspected it for a while, he started talking a year ago and… he’s just so smart. Sickeningly so…”

“He could talk at 1?”

“Spencer he can read books and do math at 2 and a half. I could kid myself on his looks for the first year or so of his life but…” you grab his hand and squeeze. “I’m so sorry.”

“Why did you leave? Why didn’t you tell me you were pregnant?” He asks and looks up at you.

“Because… you had just lost Maeve and there was a chance that the baby wouldn’t be yours and I didn’t want to make things harder on you,” you sniffle.

He rubs at his eye like he used to do when he got a headache.

“Why tell me now?” He asks.

“He asks about his daddy. And now that I know for a fact who that is… you deserve to know.”

“Daddy,” he whispers and his voice cracks as he looks at a photo of Roman as a baby baby.

“He’s even wearing…” he points at the picture.

“My sister was trying to make a point,” you smile softly.

He laughs a little at that.

“Do you want to meet him? You don’t have to. You never have to…”

“Of course I do,” he stops you.

“I don’t want anything from you. That’s not why I’m telling you this,” you assure him. “You can be as involved or not involved as you want.”

“Y/N, he’s my son. I want him to know me and I want to know him,” now he’s squeezing your hand. You nod, you’re relieved.

——

“Okay, are you ready?” You ask your son the next day.

“Yes!” He holds up his toy train that he brought his dad to the park.

You spot Spencer at a picnic table in the shade and pick up your son. The wind blows his hair around as you approach. Spencer stands, his eyes lighting up as he beholds Roman.

“Spencer Reid, this is Roman Jacob Reid,” you say proudly.

“Hi,” he smiles and waves at Roman who you stand on the table.

“I got you a train. It has my name on it, see. R-O-M-A-N,” he points at the letters. Spencer lets out an amazed huff and takes the red engine.

“It’s perfect!” He exaggerates.

“I’m changing his last name tomorrow,” you whisper to Spencer. “If that’s okay.”

“That would be amazing,” he smiles down at you.

“Okay stand back,” Roman pushes Spencer away from the table. “I’m going to show mommy that you’re strong because I’m strong and if I’m a superhero you’re a superhero!”

Spencer glances at you and has no idea what he means but then Roman jumps off of the table towards Spencer in a giant leap with a howling laugh. Spencer doesn’t miss a beat and catches him swiftly with the biggest smile of his face.

“See mommy! Strong! Now I know he’s my daddy for sure!” Roman exclaims.

“Romi be gentle with him,” you warn.

“Romi,” Spencer whispers as he tries out the nickname.

“Mommy says you’re a special agent, are you a spy? Like double oh seven?” Roman asks absentmindedly as he places the train into Spencer’s shoulder and moves it back and forth. He’s sitting on the table in front of his dad who looks like the world just fell in his lap. Your heart feels so full.

“Maybe, what do you know about 007?” He grins at his son.

“Some stuff,” he shrugs.

“I do know magic,” Spencer informs him.

“But magic isn’t real!” Roman swats his dad’s chest.

“No?” Spencer pinches Romans ear. “So you always have a quarter in there?”

“Woah!” Roman stands on the table in awe. “Do it again!”

“What about this? Is this yours?” He reaches towards his other ear and brings out a lollipop.

“It is now,” he giggles and snatches it. “Thank you,” he hugs Spencer around the neck.

Spencer looks at you and you’ve never seen him like this. He seems content, amazed, like he’s finally found a puzzle he can’t solve. You’re hugging Roman’s stuffed bear to your chest as you watch them.

“Thank you,” Spencer whispers to you and hugs Roman again. “Now let’s go get some ice cream,” Spencer says.

“Uh-oh you said the magic word,” you taunt as Roman squeals in excitement.

“I wanna be on your back,” Roman tells Spencer who obliges. He wraps his arms around Spencer’s neck, his legs around his waist while Spencer supports his legs.

He follows you to the ice cream shop across from the park. You think for the first time in a while, that everything just might be okay.

“Would it be weird for me to thank you?” You ask Spencer.

“Thank me for what?” He asks and licks his ice cream cone. Roman is in your lap, gently picking singular sprinkles off of his ice cream and eating them first. Like always.

“For him,” you hug him gently and kiss his head. Roman doesn’t react, too lost in his ice cream.

“You carried him, birth him, and raised him on your own until now. I should be thanking you. You’re incredible,” he stares into your eyes. Your heart skips a beat and you look away.

“Let’s just say we’re both grateful for him,” you smile. “I never knew, where you stood on children. If you ever wanted them.”

“Children bring such a light into our lives, especially people like us who work in the dark all of the times they remind us of wonder and innocence and show us compassion and patience. In their presence we are given the opportunity to rediscover the joy in simple moments, the thrill of exploration, and the power of unconditional love. I’ve always wanted children,” he explains.

You don’t know why you had any doubts about him.

“Well, they can be trying too,” you look down at your perfect child. “So I hear,” you shrug and both of you laugh.

[gayofthefae]

Will saying "remember, you're the heart" right before Mike says I love you is wild because like- if she heard that, the best case scenario is it paints her a full picture of the fact that he and Will solved this issue together.

He said earlier that he had been thinking about it the past few days, but that is omitting a key detail: Will. The problem there isn't their conversation, it isn't the reference, it isn't anything revealing, really, but the fact that Will is involved in this for him. Even if it is genuine and even without the painting, the fact remains that Will resolved Mike's insecurities for him to tell her he loved her and it WORKED.

The word "remember" on its own might be more hurtful than "you're the heart", honestly. "Remember what we talked about". Even just any encouragement at all, a "you got this", tells us that he didn't contemplate this alone like she thought. Honestly, at that point, there's a part of me that's hoping you still can't say it. Because one way or another, you needed him for this. One way or another, I couldn't do it when I begged but after a couple days with him, you're good as new.

[That tiktok sound but instead of "3.5 years" and "white man", it's "I waited for eight months, gay man did it in one week. I waited for eight months, gay man did it in one week. I said I waited for EIGHT MONTHS. The gay man did it in one week.]

Even if everything is true, he couldn't figure it out without Will. And that hurts. If I'm her and I'm thinking through all this, I'm thinking "so that worked? He's what did it? You're so confused and too scared to talk to me about it for 8 months, you avoid the word "love" like the plague and can't tell me why, you lied about being able to during the conversation, but one week alone with him and you've reflected on your actions, felt remorse, and can apologize in bullet points and say "I love you" freely eight times, all of a sudden." I'd also be thinking, though, that he might not know. Give him the benefit of the doubt. I'm mad at him but I forgive him - because he might not know he's lying.

I just rewatched the scene and I think this fits. My break down of each of her reaction shots below the cut (but I encourage you to watch with it in mind yourself if you don't want my analysis to influence you too much first):

This is her when he first starts talking

This is her after hearing Will. She knows what's about to happen. She knows what he's about to say and part of her is hoping he doesn't because of what that would mean for his relationship with Will.

This is her right after he first says it.

This is her as he continues into a more in depth apology, showing the amount of progress he's been able to make so rapidly the past few days. From this angle, she look she's recoiling and I've said before that it almost looks like it's shot from the POV of the vines shackling her.

He says he can't live without her and she seems to look up again and listen more actively than she was but she also looks in thought and then squeezes her eyes shut again. This situation is oh so complicated.

"It was so big it almost swallowed you whole." This is such a Mike joke to make. And there's something comforting about that delivery. She makes the third face above as he's saying his life started the day they met, but she laughs when he makes the joke. Because that phrasing is the most earnest thing in this speech. Everything else, however true to him, is tied to Will. But she loves him. And it was so very him to say it that way.

But she immediately falls to this next face. Because it was the most earnest thing he's said, and though she's relieved to feel him in this speech, it still isn't for her. And the fact that it's the most earnest thing is also a bad thing. She knows he's going right back to how he was talking before.

He says he's loved her every day with or without her powers and she recoils and squeezes her eyes shut again.

"You're my superhero". She hardens - whether it's anger or determination/choosing to harness this as her motive, I fluctuate. But she hardens.

He says he can't lose her. And that feels like another complicated, harder to read moment. But she does soften back to more expressive like she was before, even if what she's expressing is pain. I think she believes him. Her feelings around the context are more hard for me to read on each watch of the end of this, though.

And I think Max is what finally gave her the most actionable motivation, because this is her the second before she notices Max again. She does not look determined, or even angry, just sad like she's looked this whole time. This does not read to me as the face of a girl about to take action like we see in a moment.

And all of this is also consistent to me with why she wouldn't talk to him much in those two days or address but still rest her head on his shoulder in the hospital. She still loves him. And this hurts, but it isn't his fault.

And finally, to go back for a comparison shot:

This is her when she thinks he's about to say it because he worked it out alone versus when she thinks he's about to say it, knowing that would mean it's because of Will. And that's everything I need to know. Whatever she's feeling the first time, hopeful or apprehensive, it isn't what she's feeling the second. She perked up the first time. She resigned and deadened the second.

[dailyadventureprompts]

At one point you came up with an idea for more “setting neutral” Quori; could you do the same with Daelkyr? I’ve sorta latched onto the idea of using them as a Yuuzhan Vong type threat in Spelljammer but I can’t figure out how to justify them outside Eberron/what they would BE like outside Eberron

Footnotes on Foes Daelkyr/Zern

To give some background for those who might not have delved into a particular d&d setting book, The long and short on the Daelkyr is that they're CR 20 biomancer aberrations that created everything from mindflayers to beholders to gibbering mouthers. They made monsters and had an interest in conquering the world, but they were defeated in the ancient past, cut down till there were about six of them, and then imprisoned in that setting's version of the underdark where they scheme and create until the party hits level 15 and they can start doing end game villain shit.

I never quite liked the Daelkyr as I felt creating a "one size fits all" origin for aberrations robbed them of a lot of their uniqueness. Aberrations were supposed to be weird, I didn't need a simple explanation as to why.

What DID resonate with me was the arsenal of symbiotic items the Daelkyr made, everything from tongue-whips to scarabs that would let you shoot crystallized acid daggers. I frequently ended up using these critters with the Zern, another species of fleshwarpers from the 3.5 days that liked to experiment on creatures and had radically morphable biology ( Exactly the same as the Daelkyr, just cr 6 instead of 20). Throw that together with a few other "endlessly seeking biological perfection" alien type villains and I think I've got something rather usable....

So here's my Rebrand Pitch: The Zern were a species that grew to prominence in wildspace tens of millenia ago, invading worlds to exploit and experiment with their genetic resources while building up their own imperium. Daelkyr how the Zern refered to their leaders, supposed pinnacles of evolution that would lead swarms of living ships to terrorize and subjugate new systems. The Problem with the Zern is that they didn't play well with others: They saw most other organic lifeforms as inherently beneath them and saw other Zern has rivals and stepping stones on their ascent biological perfection/ the status of Daelkyr.

This vicious individualism was the weakness upon which the Zern empire shattered, as once the (insert whatever cosmic forces are relevant to your game) fought through to corner an enemy commander, the other Zern would proclaim their defeat as "natural selection" revelling in their own superiority as weakness was purged from their kind. This was even worse when one of the Daelkyr was defeated, as their control over their swarms of fleshwarped cannon fodder and the spawning worlds that produced them was proprietary, a cultural fear of their work being stolen or utilized by "lessers" of their own kind turning the death of individual into a mortal blow for the empire.

The Zern lost, and they lost bad, using engineered plagues and planet destroying bioweapons to scorch the earth as they were forced into ever more desperate situations and eventually into retreat. Already few in number, they were scattered to the far corners of the cosmos when their homeworld was destroyed, and after the last of the Daelkyrs were either destroyed or (in the case of those who'd made themselves immortal or indestructable) imprisoned, they had few oppertunities to rise again.

Today the Zern linger on in the shadows, plying their services as biomancers and doctors to the warlords of backwater worlds, or those disreputable places that astral outlaws congregate, all in hopes of hiding from their ancient enemies. Most of the multiverse has moved on and forgotten the Zern, but with lifespan extension and generations that stretch for thousands of years, the indignity of their defeat is still fresh in these remnants minds, as is the desire to proclaim themselves Daelkyr once again, or free their old overlords from captivity.

Art

[mediaevalmusereads]

The Female Man. By Joanna Russ. Beacon Press, 1975.

Rating: 3.5/5 stars

Genre: science fiction

Series: N/A

Summary: It has influenced William Gibson and been listed as one of the ten essential works of science fiction. Most importantly, Joanna Russ's THE FEMALE MAN is a suspenseful, surprising and darkly witty chronicle of what happens when Jeannine, Janet, Joanna, and Jael—four alternative selves from drastically different realities—meet.

***Full review below.***

CONTENT WARNINGS: sexual relationship with age gap/underage sex/statutory rape; use of the n-word; references to rape and suicide

OVERVIEW: I honestly can't remember how I came by this book, but I'm in a sci fi mood, so I figured I'd pick it up. I wasn't sure what I was expecting out of this book, but it definitely wasn't what I got (in both good and confusing ways). I think I understand what Russ was trying to do, but even though I appreciated it, I was also mightily lost half the time, so for that reason, this book gets 3.5 stars from me.

WRITING: Russ's writing in this book is at times passionate, at times amusing, and at times confusing. It's not quite stream-of-consciousness, but Russ writes in a self-described "feminine style" that is full of run on sentences, sentence fragments, intertextual allusions, and wordplay.

There were moments when I really enjoyed this style. For example, there are a few soliloquy-like speeches in which a character (or the author? Both?) voice their feelings about patriarchy or about the limitations put of women, and I quite enjoyed Russ's flow. It didn't come across as a ramble, but there was passion in it that made it rousing.

But even with all the good, it was difficult to orient myself in this book in part because there's so much switching of POV and not a lot of exposition to help. I have no doubt all of this is done on purpose, and to some degree, I can respect what Russ is doing. But still, I had a rough reading experience and often had to rely on secondary sources to help make sense of the book.

PLOT: The plot of this book follows 4 characters from 4 alternate worlds as they visit each others' realities and learn more about themselves and each other as women. The 4 protagonists are:

Jeannine: a librarian from a world in which the Great Depression never ended

Joanna: a 1970s feminist from a world similar to ours

Janet: a woman from a world called Whileaway which is populated only by women after a plague killed all the men 900 years prior

Jael: an assassin from a world in which men and women have been at (literal) war for 40+ years

The parts of this book that I found the most valuable and most entertaining were the moments when characters encounter ideas from other worlds that make them (or the reader) reflect on some aspect of feminism. For example, there's a charming scene early on in which Janet is being interviewed by a male television presenter on Joanna's world, and the presenter assumes that without men, there is no sexual intercourse on Whileaway. Janet is pretty blunt about wlw relationships, and the interview humorously cuts to a commercial about unsliced bread. Jeannine also has quite a few scenes when the relative freedom of the other characters baffles her and makes her question what she wants in her life, and I found those to be particularly Affective.

But as I stated above, the plot is fairly difficult to engage with because the style is so chaotic. Again, I understand this is deliberate and I appreciate what it's doing, but as a reader, I also have to acknowledge my own difficulties.

I do have other criticisms, however. For one, I think this book ends on a rather militant note and possibly infers that the only way for women to be free of patriarchy is through violence (or at least some flavor of separatism). Maybe Russ isn't actually saying that, but since it's unclear, I can see how a reader might understand that to be the take-away. This book's feminism is also very 1970s, so readers should be aware of all the positives and negatives that come with that (in particular, I don't think Russ's work is quite nuanced enough to tackle topics pertaining to effeminate men, non-binary people, and trans people; however, I'm also not knowledgeable enough about 1970s lesbian feminism to know if these topics were on the table).

Still, this book is valuable for the way it makes you think, and even if readers dislike the feminism or the story, I think it brings up a lot of topics for discussion. Personally, I think a good discussion points to this book being worthwhile.

CHARACTERS: For the sake of brevity, I'm only going to talk about the 4 protagonists in this book.

Jeannine is often described as weak in this book on account of her constant focus on assimilating into society and wanting to get married. However, I personally found her quite charming and worthy of sympathy, in part because she is so overwhelmed by the pressure that patriarchy puts on her. I loved that she had a moment when she expressed some frustration and a desire to be her own person, and even when she chooses her path, I couldn't be mad at her. In a lot of ways, she's the most relatable of the four, so I felt a kind of kinship with her.

Joanna is a kind of stand-in for the author, and personally, I found her the least interesting. She does have a few speeches and insights that are themselves very interesting, and she purports to turn into a man in this novel. However, as a character, she doesn't have quite the defined arc that the others do.

Janet is fun to follow because she grew up without patriarchy. I loved seeing her make social blunders in other worlds and react with indignation and confusion when she encounters men.

Jael is scary, but in a way I found thoroughly enjoyable. Though she is violent, I did get some pleasure while reading about her murdering a sexist pig, so there is some catharsis that comes from reading her arc.

TL;DR: The Female Man is a difficult yet thought-provoking novel, bringing together four women from four different worlds to test the limits of patriarchy and reimagine women's liberation. Though the feminism is very 1970s, this book is valuable both for the discussions it generates and for its contributions to science fiction as a genre, making space for alternate voices and redeploying common tropes in subversive ways.

[literary-chameleon]

King Of Scars

By Leigh Bardugo

4/5⭐

I’m re-reading this book because why not? Bardugo has created such great women, every one should just bow down to them. But having read the whole Grishaverse I feel like the most part of this book is a filler. Overall, I love the book. I miss my crows though.

The Castle

By Franz Kafka

3/5⭐

I always wanted to read Kafka and got an opportunity to read this because it is included in our syllabus. I really can’t review old books. For the most part I don’t know what was happening or why it was happening. The ending was very frustrating.

The Plague

By Albert Camus

1/5⭐

The syllabus of my college really be giving PTSD to its students. Maybe I quarantined under a rock because I didn’t hear about this book during the pandemic when apparantly it was on a high demand. And let me take a moment to thank the non-existing god for I didn’t read this in 2020/2021.

A Quiet Kind Of Thunder

By Sara Bernard

3.5/5⭐

Reading at least one romance novel makes your February book wrap up a success. I usually don’t tend to like romance books but this one was cute. I think it showed mental illness and physical disabilities well. We need more books like this.

Foul Lady Fortune

By Chloe Gong

4/5⭐

I did not think I could love Rosalind this much but I guess I am swayed easily by strong and intelligent women. This book would only get better if Alisa and Phoebe became a thing (please I’m starving of powerful wlw couples). The twists keep coming in Gong’s books and never once am I tired of them.

PS: I screamed after reading the ending (AND the epilogue), my throat hurts.

The Stolen Heir

By Holly Black

4/5⭐

Reading a new book years after a series from the same universe has ended is an indescribable feeling (still traumatised by Ballads of Songbirds and Snakes). Reading The Folk of the Air through Jude’s POV made me fear Suren and after reading this book, I am even more afraid of her but in a good way. As usual, Black knows how to keep one on their toes the whole time and make it difficult to keep the book down.

[raspberryconverse]

Something I often think about is whether I should have gone to the college I went to right out of high school.

I graduated in 2007 with a degree in Radio Broadcasting and the economy tanked right as I was entering the job market. I honestly think if that hadn't happened, I would have gotten an entry level job at WXRT. While I was interning there was a programming assistant who got fired for spending too much time on MySpace (which is really funny to think about given how integral social media is now). I think they might have hired me for that position, but the economy was showing signs of slowing down and it was basically eliminated.

I spent my 20s floundering. I know I wasn't the only one, but I didn't pick as practical of a career path as I had originally thought (I mean, I really wanted to be a singer, but there was no way I was going to major in music performance). Part of it was my anxiety about being on the air.My anxiety got so crippling I couldn't bring myself to ask anyone to do voiceover for my upper level production classes. I think if I could have gotten over that, I might have had a shot, but anxiety still plagues me 15+ years later. Chicago is the 3rd largest market in the US and they have the money to have dedicated production assistants and music directors (my dream job). Smaller markets want you to do that and be on the air, so I was basically fucked.

At 29, I went back to school for web development. I worked really hard and graduated at 31. I only got 1 B the entire time. It took a few months to find a contract job and I actually left it early to go to my current job. I've been slowly getting myself on track for all the adulting. I moved out of my dad's house at 32. I met my spouse later that year. We U-haul'd it and moved in together about 6 months later. After about 3.5 years of living together, they proposed to me and we got married last May. We closed on our house a week before our wedding and left Wisconsin behind about a month later.

I'm writing out this tumultuous timeline to remind myself of all the good things that happened because my life took the course that it did. I would have $22k less student loan debt right now, that's for sure. But would my life have ended up the way it did if I hadn't gone that route? Probably not.

But one this is for sure: if I had never gone to the college I went to right out of high school, I never would have met Lin Brehmer. Sure, I can pick up WXRT in my hometown, but I didn't even know it existed. I went into that internship knowing basically nothing about the station other than it was some kind of alternative station, but not the same as Q101 or The Loop. After being educated in the AAA (adult album alternative) format, I fell in love. This was a radio station format that satisfied all of my music preferences. WXRT's tagline is Chicago's Finest Rock and that it most definitely is. But also, going in blind made me not the least bit starstruck about working with these DJs who have been at the station since before I was born. Lin was special, though. He was goofy and nerdy and gave really painful high fives. He used to call me John Ford Coley (and once Francis Ford Coley). He actually introduced me to his brother as "the best intern ever" and to Billy Corgan (who just randomly showed up at the studio one day with a CD of what was going to be the next Smashing Pumpkins album, Zeitgeist) as a radio savant. He and John Farneda (the music director who actually passed away about 2 years ago) definitely saw something special in me and even though I went through almost decade of struggling after finishing my radio degree, I wouldn't trade it for the world because I wouldn't have met either of them.

The last 2 weeks I tuned in to listen to Lin's Bin, a weekly radio essay to answer a listener question and was puzzled that I seemed to have missed it. I thought about emailing Lin to have him send it to me (they can't post it on the website because of all the TV and movie clips) like I had in the past, but I never got around to it. I'm a really bad radio broadcasting major in that I really only listen to the radio when I'm driving (and to listen to Lin's Bin). Since going completely remote, I started listening to podcasts instead of music while I'm working. I kind of regret that change (although when I was in the office, I'd listen mostly to what Spotify recommends to me) because now I can't remember the last time I heard Lin on the air. It might have been awhile back, when my spouse and I had our chiropractor appointments together (they insist on morning appointments and TBH, hearing Lin on the air was the only redeeming factor in it). He wasn't on last week when we went, but again, I thought nothing of it.

And now he's gone.

I've been really struggling lately with my anxiety and been a really terrible wife by lashing out. Add to it all the things we've had to fix in our house (I apparently fucked up the plumbing by dumping coffee grounds down the kitchen sink and that's why our utility sink isn't draining) and I've been pretty down. I had been diagnosed with MDD (formerly called dysthymia) many years ago, so everything that's been piling up has not left me feeling that great about my life most days. I've never been suicidal because I actually have a major phobia of dying (atheism FTW!), but I definitely haven't been wanting to exist most of the time lately.

So even though I would never end my life, when I'm feeling really down, I have to remember: Take nothing for granted. It's F. great to be alive.

I have no words. Now the two people who made my experience interning at XRT so good are gone and my heart is broken.

— Coley 💗💜💙 Bisexual people exist (she/her) (@raspberrychucks) Jan 22, 2023 January 22, 2023 at 01:57PM via Twitter https://twitter.com/raspberrychucks

[clockworklozenges]

So, a good five or so years back, I played in one of the best worst DnD games I have ever been in. The DM had bought the Libris Mortis book, which, if you were unaware, was a 3.5 splatbook adding in a lot of undead stuff, including some monsters and undead player races and stuff. Wanting to try it out, me and my gaming group decided to play things from it, our then DM deciding to run a completely homebrewed session. This proved to be a...

Terrible Idea™

(for the uninitiated, never homebrew something you do not fully understand unless it's just cosmetic. If you want to make all elves worship the god of garlic bread, Ultimo-Metatron-Omega, go ahead, but unless you know how the game works, don't make mechanical changes). So we all picked stuff from the books-one player played a skeleton Sorcerer who in life was a tribal shaman, but an attempt at healing went wrong, turning him undead as his life energy was replaced with negative energy, explaining why most of his spells were necromancy and suchlike.

Another player played Krug, an antipaladin in very spiky full plate. He was a zombie made by a necromancer of a paladin who was fighting him, but his allies killed his would-be master before he could assert control, and not wanting to just off him, his allies just...yeeted his body into a portal and hoped it'd re-kill him. It did not kill him hard enough. It did, however, explain his stats which...oof. He had already got debuffs to some stats due to being a zombie, and rolled abysmally. Fortunately for the player, he played mostly to socialise, so didn't much care.

I played... Count Nox Feratu, the Campire. As in, a vampire with a very camp German accent, which I did not break for the whole time I was playing him. To the point where "ach, nein, I haf bin heet! Heal me, meine freunde!" was par for the course. My overly camp vamp was a wizard, but due to level adjustment was a bit of a shoddy one. For backstory, he'd been ousted from his clan for ineptitude, and had sworn revenge. I was going for a swordmage build but never got there. All his spells were utility or just necromancy spells.

Our last player played...sigh...Damien Bloodmoon, cleric of Nerull, God of murder and undeath. He was one of the clerics from the book's murder Domain, meaning that he got buffs to damage. He was a vicious arse both in character and out of it, and was so dripping with edge compared to the paladin with the same IQ as a horse after its trip to the glue factory, the shaman who thought killing fixed people and the Campire that if you gave him a pat on the back you'd have finely diced your hand into a red mist. Not going too outlandish with his backstory of wanting to dominate the world as his undead thralls, Damien F***ing Bloodmoon had only taken spells which either charmed live people, dealt negative energy damage or messed with ability drain and suchlike, which he used with aplomb on townsfolk on our way to our objective. He was also, importantly, playing an elf of some sort, I forget which kind. Meaning that of the party, only one was alive.

So, just as an aside, for those of you that haven't played 3.5e DnD or have only played 5e, in Libris Mortis, undeath was gone over in detail, and had a litany of pros and cons. For one thing, undead had only the HP they had-folks like Damien F***ing Bloodmoon could be 'dying', and had some time to be stabilised before meeting the reckoning of Papa John and dying proper. Undead did not, it was just how much you had and if you ran out, poof, you're dust, bones and fertiliser again. You were also harmed by positive energy, so healing spells hurt you, as did potions of healing. However, undead were kind of hardy - poison immunity, some had resistance to non-magical melee damage, stuff that drained your ability scores and levels didn't work on them, some crits wouldn't do extra damage, and the best part- negative energy healed undead. Meaning all the spells our party had which damaged others like the living Damien Bloodmoon were curative ones for us. Keep this in mind.

So, we began our quest, learning of a necromancer a nearby town was plagued by. After using our skills (to whit: Damien Bloodmoon charming and drawing the life force out of random villagers and the only potion seller in the town whilst we went shopping. Krug got a snazzy hat, which we put on top of his helmet, and we chatted to townsfolk as I looked alive enough to pass as human and the shaman had a fake beard and toupee that people were too awkward to point out was fake so went along with it) we learn that the necromancer has a base of operations in the cemetery. "Oh ja, zo original, dahlink. Ve vill need to educate zis guy on vhat is chic and vhat is just shabby!"

So we head there and the nightmare begins. Damien Leads the charge, using all of his knowledge to deduce that the shambling horde moving towards us were stronger-than-your-average-bear undead, and he was right. These were powerful armoured zombie mages of some sort, casting ability draining spells, negative energy ray spells and even having auras of negative energy that dealt damage on a failed Fortitude save. Even their punch and quarterstaves did negative energy damage as well as the usual bludgeoning or unarmed. However...only one of us was really in danger and the DM's face fell when the squishy casters walked up and began shanking their super-special homebrew zombie wizards, being healed by the damage of their attacks as we cut them down.

Like I said, one of the benefits of undeath is that negative energy actually heals you. So the strikes of the magic staves and punches that hit us did some basic damage. Which was then immediately healed by the negative energy their weapon strikes and spells were doing.

However, you'll recall that Damien Bloodmoon was an elf. And not dead. Being a Cleric of a death god doesn't mean that you have the abilities of an undead. That meant that even with the DM being merciful, by the end of the first fight he was covered in blood, mud and withered away to just above half his original strength and constitution. More were patrolling, so we had to run. But that posed a problem.

Remember Krug had heavy armour? And recall his awful stats? He in fact, hadn't got enough strength to wear the armour he'd been given for backstory. He didn't, according to the DM, have enough to remove his own armour. And we attempted to, but also failed our checks according to the DM. And Damien Bloodmoon refused to help, simply blaming Krug and his player. Krug's player thought it was hilarious, and Krug only had enough Intelligence and Wisdom to say his own name, so saw no problem. And Krug, Nox Feratu and Shaman realised that there really...wasn't a problem.

For us, at least.

We slogged through three combats dragging Krug and wading through the mud with him. His speed was so slow that for every step he took, we took about ten. The DM was confused and infuriated that his encounters weren't working, but refused to change them. So we had fun role-playing. Or at least three of us did.

Damien Bloodmoon refused to roleplay, and none of his ranged spells could affect the zombie mages. When he went into melee, he came out wounded as all hell. He went down twice, and it was only the healing supplies of the shaman that saved him.

All the while, he was... Let's say not best pleased. Damien Bloodmoon was getting increasingly wounded, exasperated and longing for the sweet embrace of death as reprieve from the humiliation. His player was getting increasingly redder and rage-filled as time passed. Each fight ended with our characters stronger than ever and his a bloody pulp on the floor, with poor in-character knowledge (and terrible rolls) preventing him from realising why.

Eventually, we reached the final boss, pausing only to paint Krug's armour in contact poison just in case, and to find a stick to help the now-partially-crippled Damien Bloodmoon, cleric of death and murder, walk after being beaten up by angry zombie wizards for hours. And it had, indeed, been hours. Among us, only Damien had a bonus to strength, and we had two swords, a mace and a staff between the four of us. Meaning it was re-death by a thousand cuts for the enemy and a slog and a half for us.

We reach the necromancer and, having taken so long due to dragging the oblivious Krug with us, his big ritual is complete- he raises a fist-sized black onyx egg aloft, crackles with arcane power and causes the bones around him to coalesce into one massive creature - an undead, giant-sized rust monster, radiating an Aura of pure negative energy. Krug opened his arms wide, eager for the metal-eating monster cockroach to free him from his poison-painted metal prison. It ignores him as he's still very far away. Me and the others have our weapons and armour devoured.

Our DM was very much a stickler for note-taking. So because Damien Bloodmoon hadn't written 'clothes' on his sheet, his armour being eaten by the monster left him naked and afraid.

It became clear that the DM had done another f***y-wucky. See, the Aura of negative energy healed me and the Sorcerer by more than its other attacks did. So whilst Damien Bloodmoon was naked, soaked in mud and bleeding to death almost crushed to a pulp in the fetal position, rocking backwards and forwards as his player seethed with hatred, the Shaman and the Campire set about beating the thing to death with our bear hands and a stick.

The session ended once we killed the necromancer, or rather when Krug walked up to him, closed his arms and just crushed the noodle-armed bad guy to death with the weight of his ridiculous armour and poisoned him with its paintwork.

We never revisited the game afterwards. We were told later on that the DM wanted us to use the non-undead races. But at no point had he said as much, even when we asked him about our characters and the restrictions on them. We also learned a valuable lesson. DM for the players who are there, not the ones who you have an idealised mental image of. Tailor your game, otherwise you'll get a sitcom featuring a camp nosferatu, a shaman with no healing, a paladin who could barely move and a Cleric of murder who was ironically the only one at risk of actually dying.

[dorotharry]

i want to write you a song

pairing: modern!bucky x singer!reader

warnings: nothing i don’t think just fluff eeeek (maybe mention of parents that have passed away) (ignore lack of capitals i wrote this on my phone)

blurb: where bucky has trouble dealing with his past and constantly feels he’s not good enough for reader. so her being a musician/singer she writes him a song.

a/n: i thought of this a little while ago but i decided to write it while i was bored on the plane. hope you enjoy :)

MY MASTERLIST

it had been a year for bucky. a year since losing steve and a year since the final battle.

after everything bucky was still plagued with nightmares. shuri had removed all the awful things hydra had put in his brain, but he still constantly felt shame and guilt for his past.

so when he met you 6 months after thanos, and coming back after the snap it had been hard for him to accept your love. and to realise that even through the nightmares and mental torture you still loved him.

unlike bucky you weren’t one of the lost. you had to live in a world for 5 years without many of the people you cared about.

you had always had a passion for music but in a time where the world was broken you turned to music even more. and even though it was a sad and hard time you had 3.5 billion less people that could want to be a musician and so people started to actually hear your music. most people turning to it for comfort.

you had always felt pain, even before the snap; having lost your family years beforehand. and so when anyone you had considered close left there was nothing left for you besides music.

when people actually listened, it made you feel like finally you had a purpose in the world.

in those 5 years you became a house hold name. so many people listening to your music which sang the words impossible to speak when most felt numb.

5 awful years went by, and finally the rest of the world came back after the final battle. you became even more of a well known name then as familys and friends shared your music with those they had lost to tell them what exactly had gotten them through. your music.

you felt honoured. and yet there was still a hole within you. a hole that had been there even before everything.

it was one day 6 months after everyone had returned when you had left your apartment in new york to get a coffee at your favourite local cafe. you had your usual cap and sunglasses on, in an attempt to disguise yourself.

without paying attention you swung the cafe door open hitting another customer with two coffees in hand, sending his drinks flying. like you he had a cap and sunglasses on.

“oh fuck, i’m so sorry” you rambled pulling your sunglasses off in hope he could see your sincerity. by now he’d removed his sunglasses himself but he was looking nervously at the ground.

“no it’s okay i shouldn’t have these on insid-“ his voice cut off as he looked up at you. “you’re (y/n).”

you sent him an apologetic look, but it quickly turned to a smirk. “that i am. and your bucky barnes. but no it’s my fault, i wasn’t paying attention.”

his gaze suddenly seemed more nervous again. “your one of the few people that hasn’t referred to me as the winter soldier” he spoke letting out a small smile.

you smiled back at his response. “why would i? anyway please let me buy you some new coffees” by now the staff had started cleaning up the mess sending you both glares.

“no you don’t have to i can get some new ones.” he responded shrugging.

“no no, it’s the least i can do bucky.” you responded giving him a big grin.

“fine” he finally sighed. “if you you insist,” his poker face turning to a smile.

you both walked over to the counter walking around the now clean but wet floor. you ordered yours and his drinks giving the cafe a $50 tip as an apology for messing up their morning.

while you were both waiting for your drinks you continued your conversation. “so how does the bucky barnes know who i am?” you asked wiggling your eyebrows as you emphasised his name.

his face blushed as he laughed at your expressions. “well my best friend steve listened to your music a lot when half the world was gone. myself included. and so he showed me it once i came back. thought i might enjoy the sadness of the music.”

you jaw dropped as you gasped. “you mean to tell me the captain america knew who i was?! that’s way more cool than you knowing who i am”

it was buckys turn to gasp. he placed his hand over his heart in a dramatic manner, “i’m hurt doll, truly hurt.”

your heart fluttered at the pet name he had just given you but instead of showing it you just stuck out your tongue in cheeky manner.

more chatting went on between the two of you until finally you got your order. unfortunately the perks of going to a very busy cafe.

you exited the warm cafe and were met with the cool winter air of new york. pulling you jacket in closer to yourself. your sunglasses already back on.

“now i don’t really know how to do this anymore. the last time i flirted was in the 1940s but i was wondering if i could get your number?” bucky asked cautiously. you could tell he was nervous.

your heart fluttered again. he wanted your number? you fumbled with your words. “y-yeah of course!”

his face fell slightly noticing your nervousness. “if you don’t want to give it to me don’t feel like you have to” he replied.

“no no it’s not that bucky. i just would never have thought someone as attractive as yourself would want my number.” your eyes fell the ground in embarrassment.

it was buckys turn to be surprised. “if anything it’s the other way around doll” he replied as he handed you his flip phone.

after you had given him your number you had continued to walk with him to the avengers compound. (for once not having anything on this morning). you had resisted the urge the entire time to make fun of his flip phone.

it didn’t take long for you to become attached to bucky as the months went on. much like he did with you.

you had begun dating a month in and would see each other as often as both your schedules would let you.

you had tried to keep the relationship hidden for a while. but it didn’t take long for the public to notice that ‘the winter soldier’ was dating the worlds beloved ‘(y/n) (y/l/n)’.

of course rumours spread and though both of you had anxieties that neither of you were good enough for the other. it was bucky who it affected more. constantly acting as if you would just disappear one day and he’d be left an empty shell of a person like he once was.

after around six months you had become so comfortable with one another. and so his insecurities were something you could never understand, having never endured what he had. to you he was the strongest person. to him you were the strongest person he knew.

it was your 5 month anniversary of dating coming up and though it was drastically important it meant a lot to you so you wanted to do something special. something to ease his insecurities so you did what you did best. make music.

you were in your apartment the only light around you being the glow of candles. just having finished dinner as you snuggled up to him on your couch.

you looked up to the beautiful man you felt honoured to call your own.

“i have a gift for you.” you spoke softly.

“oh yeah?” he smiled giving you a kiss on the nose causing you to blush.

“yep” you replied, “but i’m gonna have to go get it.” you jumped up out of his arms and he pouted as you ran off.

seconds later you returned with your guitar sitting back down next to him. he raised an eyebrow at this.

you gave him a kiss on the cheek and then leaned back again, “i wrote you a song to tell you just what i see from my eyes when i look at you.”

this caused bucky to blush but he stayed silent, encouraging you to begin.

and so you began to pick a simple and soft melody.

i want to write you song

one as beautiful as you are sweet

with just a hint of pain

for the feeling that i get when you are gone

i want to write you song

i wanna lend you my coat

one that’s as soft as your cheek

so when the world gets cold

you will having a hiding place you can go

i wanna lend you my coat

oh, everything i need i get from you

oh, and giving back is all i wanna do

i wanna build you boat

one that’s a strong as you are free

so every time you think

that your heart is gonna sink

you know it won’t

i wanna build you a boat

oh, everything i need i get from you

oh, and giving back is all i wanna do

you began to play a little interlude and bucky took that as his time to speak finally grinning, “i like the part about boats.”

you rolled your eyes. “shut up bucky i’m not finished” causing you to giggle as you began to sing again.

oh, everything i need i get from you

oh, and giving back is all i wanna do

i wanna write you a song

one to make your heart remember me

so anytime i’m gone

you can listen to my voice and sing along

i wanna write you a song

i wanna write you a song

as you finished the end of the song you suddenly felt very vulnerable. but once you looked at bucky all you saw in his eyes was admiration.

“bucky everything i sang then i meant, you truly are the strongest person i know. and i love you more than anything.”

he carefully took the guitar from your hands and placed it gently on the ground. grabbing your waist he pulled you close resting his forehead against yours.

“doll, if anyone is to say the words you just sang it should be me. i have lived in darkness for so long. and anytime i have felt the smallest amount of happiness it’s been taken from me.”

a tear fell down your face. you hadn’t known him that long but you knew he was your soulmate.

“i love you.” you whispered looking at his beautiful blue eyes.

“i definitely love you more,” he responded pulling you into a soft but passionate kiss.

[clatterbane]

Oh my, reminded by that last reblog, and it thankfully being a much smaller aggravatation for me than no doubt for a a lot of other people that there's no Systembolaget location very convenient to our new place. (Since you can't even buy wines and beers over 3.5% ABV in regular stores here.)

Being the way I am, I actually went into that gastroscopy appointment yesterday extra-worried. Because somebody on the gastroenterology team had a brainstorm, puzzling about why the throat dilation treatments hadn't been holding more effectively than they have over time. (The best I can figure, it's probably thanks to the initial delays and flat-out negligence in treatment on Plague Island, maybe in combination with the connective tissue disorder weirdness. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ )

Anyway, longterm alcohol abuse can really fuck with your GI system along with everything else, not too surprisingly. So, last visit before that, that doctor asked about how much I drink for the first time since I got here, then sprung on me that he wanted to run an additional blood test to check for some markers just to rule that out. 😒

First time I've ever had anybody decide to jump on that possibility, and it did take me by surprise. Didn't much like it, either--but sure, go right ahead if you must. I've had like two drinks in the past year, and that's more than I had over the previous like 5 years combined thanks to how it was messing with my blood sugar.

Didn't help that the guy sounded so weird and awkward about very specifically asking for consent to get the sample and run the testing. Sure, I guess a number of other folks might take that worse than I did, and it is a pretty sensitive topic to raise at all. And informed consent is important, regardless. Maybe there are some additional cultural complications I'm missing there. But, the way he went about it still left a worse taste overall.

Besides just being a worrier without that much earned trust in medical professionals, though? I was a bit extra concerned, with the slightly funky ethnic liver chemistry variations including genetically high bilirubin levels. One kind that is apparently common enough back home that doctors with more experience will go, "Oh, you're $ETHNICiTY aren't you? That's fine, then", but I would be amazed if anyone here had ever encountered before.

With some who were less clued in (and also frequently kinda racist), though? My mom, who looked much more obviously $ETHNIC, got accused/dismissed on multiple occasions as a raging drunk who needed to stop wasting their time. Including when she went into the ER after a sudden collapse with several obvious broken ribs that they wouldn't even examine, just months before she ended up dying from cancer. Whereas I, who turned out much lighter with exactly the same liver chemistry variation straight from her, just kept getting, "Hmm, this looks pretty weird. We'd better repeat this test."

(Even though my name kinda suggests "Irish-American", and a lot of people including actual Irish ones have just assumed that my background is probably much more straightforwardly so than is really the case. Kinda screwed over by some stereotypes around the booze, either way! 🙄)

So yeah, some extra bad associations there too, even if I have never personally ended up on the sharp end of that crap. Yet. And people have persistently kept coming up with funky readings of my very neurodivergent AND culturally different reactions to some things, with some really bad takes on my presumed truthfulness or lack thereof.

Anyway, I did think to say something up front about the genetically high bilirubin levels. And I'm guessing that if the results did come back already, they didn't scream secret raging alcoholism. Nobody said a word about it yesterday, and that different doctor brought up finally referring me for surgery to fix the hernia that's no doubt helping keep the main problem going. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I was not even going to ask about it.

[talisamposts]

Solo Grampians Road Trip

If you're an introvert in Victoria, Australia and fancy a solo road trip to see some beautiful scenery, why not try this little trip through the Grampians National Park? It's the perfect way to see some of regional Victoria and learn more about the history and culture of the country.

My trip was three days in total, and I visited in the week between Christmas and New Year, so this was absolute peak season with almost all accomodations fully booked. If you're like me and tend to avoid large crowds of people like the plague, you'll be happy to hear that this was not much of an issue on this trip.

Day 1 - Southern Grampians tour

Leaving Melbourne and heading West via Ballarat to Dunkeld, the 3.5 hour scenic drive through regional towns is how I started my trip. The Southern route promises views of quaint towns, ancient volcanoes and serene waterfalls.

Stop at the Grampians Valley Lookout on the way for your first view of the Grampians National Park, then continue on 30km to Dunkeld.

Dunkeld is a tiny town, so it's a nice place to get out and stretch your legs by visiting the Arboretum, or have a bite to eat at the famous Royal Mail Hotel.

Penshurst is a cute little town at the foot of volcanic Mt Rouse, only a 29km drive from Dunkeld. I recommend driving to the summit of Mt Rouse to see amazing views of Penshurst and the lava plane, volcanic rocks and get a breath of fresh air. I got here in the afternoon around 4pm and was the only person there. Despite the heat, I found it very serene.

Another 30km drive gets you to Hamilton, a small provincial city with a relaxed atmosphere. You'll find small shops and cafes in the tiny city centre, as well as art galleries and botanic gardens to explore. I highly recommend watching the sunset at Lake Hamilton, before staying overnight at your chosen accomodation. For me this was a motel, but there are plenty of options in Hamilton depending on your needs.

Day 2 - Drive North through the Grampians

After a quick breakfast at Tosca Browns, I headed out to see some waterfalls. A quick 20km away lie Wannon Falls, and the smaller Nigretta Falls. I stopped at Nigretta first and, being the only person there at 9am, enjoyed the morning sounds of Australia's wildlife in peace.

A short drive away lies Wannon Falls, a larger waterfall created by volcanic lava that falls into a wide, deep rock pool. It's definitely worth enjoying this for a while from the viewpoint above.

From there, head to Cavendish, just 40km away, to walk along Settler's Walk. I encountered no other person while strolling along the Wannon River, past the old bridge and memorial plaques commemorating the Soldier Settlers, which made the sounds of the birds in the trees even more amazing.

Brimpaen is about 66km away from Cavendish, and the drive there through and around the National Park to the North is spectacular. The roads are surrounded by nature, which changes slightly the further North you get. Depending on your fancy, you can check out ancient rock art here, have a picnic by the river, or try some delicious olives.

Drive the loop from Brimpaen via Laharum to Dadswells Bridge to see the Giant Koala. If you're hungry, thirsty, or nature is calling, this is a great place to take a breather and stretch your legs for a bit. I enjoyed driving through this area, and found it extremely relaxing with some classical music playing in the car.

A 33km drive away lies Halls Gap, arguably the most popular town in the Grampians area, and you'll see why. If you're planning this trip during peak season, this is where you'll see all the people. Every campsite, B&B, hotel or motel will be booked, so just keep that in mind when making plans.

Unlike all the other towns, Halls Gap in peak season actually felt like peak season. There were heaps of people walking along the main road, where there are restaurants, cafe's, souvenir shops and electric bike rentals. The e-bike rentals seem extremely popular with groups, as there is a bike path that runs from Halls Gap through the valley. If I came here again with friends, I'd definitely do this.

The first thing I did was get a vegan ice cream at Gelato Guys and walk past the camping area to the Venus Baths. This is an area with a number of rock pools and the 2km walk there lets you enjoy the calls of the kookaburras. The cool water is wonderful after half a day of driving, but unfortunately there were quite a few people there when I visited. If you're feeling more adventurous, you can take the trail up to the Pinnacle from here too.

After cooling off and exploring the area a bit, including visiting the Brambuk Cultural Centre, I drove up the mountain to Boroka Lookout for a gorgeous, panoramic view of the valley.

Enjoy the rest of the day in Halls Gap however you like. I'm partial to relaxing at lakes but you do you. I can recommend a vegan pizza from Raccolto, and an overnight stay at The Grampians Motel if you enjoy a pool and seeing wild kangaroos at dusk.

Day 3 - Halls Gap to Melbourne

I had planned to hike to the Pinnacle on the last day, but due to the 40C degree weather, I canceled those plans. After breakfast I took my morning coffee to Mackenzie Falls. In contrast to the day before at Nigretta Falls, there were already a number of people at this waterfall by 9am. Luckily, this barely impacted my experience at all. The large waterfall is stunning, and I recommend walking all the way down to the bottom to feel the water splashes on your face and hear the loud rushing of water.

After hiking back up to the carpark, drive a short distance to Reeds Lookout and The Balconies. Park at Reeds Lookout for breathtaking views of the mountains and valley below, and then walk the 2km trail to The Balconies for an even more amazing view.

This basically concludes my Grampians itinerary. I took a leisurely drive back to Melbourne via Pomonal, Arrarat and Ballarat. If you have more time and want to add on another day, why not stop at Daylesford for a spa treat?

Happy solo travels!

* I based my itinerary on some of the self-drive road trips here if you're interested in more information, other areas or other activities I didn't do, such as longer hikes.

[bangtancentricsblog]

If ur taking requests how about something based off “you wanna kiss me so bad right now, don’t you” only if ur comfortable. Can be with anyone!

I can’t tell you how excited I was to see this, I literally lit up when I saw it, so thank you so much again! I’m sorry it took longer than I had planned I hope you enjoy it and don’t forget to come by again if you have any other requests💖

❍ pairing: jeon jungkook x reader

❍ fluster meter: idk maybe a 3.5 out of 5

❍ word count: 1.4 k

The furrow of your brow grows deeper the longer you stand on the opposite side of the club, the drink in your hand long forgotten. The bass of the song is heavy, not unpleasant but a little too much for you at this point. The night had started off fairly decent, your friends all eager to drink their problems away even convincing you to skip a relaxing night in for a night of actual fun, and for a while it had been fun. The club they’d chosen was a popular one, one that you usually avoided like the plague for the sheer fact that it was alway packed with lines rounding the corner just to get in. You just didn't like Echo like your friends did, and maybe that had more to do with a certain group of men, rather than popularity. To be perfectly clear it wasn't all of them more so the one you had the displeasure of having gone to high school with.

There really isn't a reason, at least none that you can think of for your dislike of Jeon Jungkook. He wasn't a jock and he wasn't a quiet outcast, he just was, if that made any sense. The thing was that Jungkook had spent an outrageous amount of time picking on you, at least that was what you had told yourself. Others had said he was courting you, a thought that had been preposterous considering that you two had never spoken and yet every valentine's there was chocolate on your desk, every birthday, every single holiday worth celebrating there was always a little something sitting on your desk a small neatly written note attached. There were no professions of love, just simple little things like, ‘happy valentines day <3” signed with JJK as if any other boy would be so bold to give you anything.

Jungkook was just weird like that, even weirder was that he’d kept it up throughout all four years of high school and by the end the whole school had somehow come to the conclusion that you two were in an arranged marriage set up by your parents before either of you could talk. Truth be told you were just as confused over his motives seeing as he’d been popular despite his social standing amongst the cliques. Girls and boys alike from all the cliques had a crush on him, and for some reason he’d set his sights on you. Shy, awkward, hot headed you. You were plain, and had taken a long time to grow comfortable in your body, so it only made sense that he was playing some cruel prank on you.

It’s enough to say that high school had not ended well when you had finally grown tired of waiting for him to drop the ball. So you had confronted him and even then he had just said he thought you were really pretty. You hadn’t believed him then and you didn't believe him any of the times after that. Strange enough you’d ended up at the same college and even working in the same building. You had flings since then of course none that stuck around long enough and from the way all the office girls flung themselves at him so had Jungkook it seemed. Though arbitrarily enough that hadn’t stopped him from flirting with you anyways. He’d stop by your cubicle complimenting your dress or hair, the glasses you had been forced to wear after messing up your eyesight.

Jungkook for all it was worth was very charming, not even just to you either. Most of the girls on your floor had talked him up, so much so it had warmed your heart a little. A little because at the end of the day you still didn't like him, even if he’d somehow made himself a constant presence in your life. So how exactly did you go from not caring about him to being absolutely, overwhelmingly jealous that some busty blonde was grinding on him while holding her close as he smirked at you teasingly almost cockily if you will. From here you can easily see Yoongi and Jimin, both somehow a striking shade of blonde amongst the sea of brunette. You’re sure the others are here somewhere drinking, dancing or fucking the night away as they did. Honestly you still aren’t too comfortable in your skin, not enough for the dress you wear, the hem is too short, the straps too thin, and a size too small that it sticks to your figure somewhat uncomfortably, but none of that matters as you down the shot of tequila.

Feeling emboldened by this game Jungkook refuses to forfeit, you make your way across the club. Squeezing past gyrating bodies, and couples comfortablely entangled in one another for such a public place, sauntering right up to Yoongi and Jimin who turn their gazes to you simultaneously. Jimin smiles playfully, a little too coquettish but one that sends heat swirling into the pit of your belly. Yoongi’s eyes are half lidded, dark gaze drinking in the sight of you, skin dewy from the heat of the club, looking every bit as inviting as ever. The corners of his lips tilt upwards in a smirk so sexy heating your cheeks under his approving gaze.

“Wanna dance?” you ask, with a quirk of your brow. Yoongi nods standing easily, taking your hand and leading you onto the dance floor just as the song changes. You’re no stranger to the dance floor, as you sway your hips to the beat, sighing as Yoongi’s hands come to rest on your hips, pulling you close till your ass is pressed to his hips. It’s been too long since you’ve let yourself go, easily letting him lead your movements, dare you say enjoying the way he pressed impossibly closer to you. Your eyes have long since fallen shut, allowing yourself to fall deeper into the rhythm he’s set, it’s almost trance like. You’ve long since drowned out the song only allowing yourself to feel the soft pressure of the body behind you, throwing you head back as they press particularly close as you grind back on them. A soft moan leaving you only catching the tail end of their own groan.

“You like that sweetheart?” Your eyes fly open, the music no longer muffled, ringing louder in your ears than before. The hands on your hips burn, not unpleasantly you realize, though you still move away from him quickly. Your gaze is quick to meet Jungkook’s as he smiles down at you, hands never leaving your waist pulling you into another dance, moving your arms to wrap around his neck. He’s a good dancer, easily slipping one muscular thigh between yours, you almost sigh dreamily.

“You wanna kiss me so bad right now, don’t you?” He whispers against your lips, and you can’t help but wonder when he got so close.

“And what if I do?” You ask, peaking at him from under your lashes. His gaze is dark, hungry even as he drinks you in. He’d be damned if he let this opportunity slip through his fingers.

“All you have to do is ask.” He smirks triumphantly when you sigh a breathy please, pressing your lips to his almost desperately. Jungkook’s knees buckle as you press your softness against him, groaning when you take his lip between your teeth, and continue to suck on his tongue. He’s quick to recover though easily pulling away from you and leading you off the dance floor, towards the back before he’s pressing you against a wall and kissing you again. This is his chance he thinks as his hands knead the plush of your thighs because as much as you claimed you hated him, he knew you didn’t. And although Jungkook thought you were pretty in high school you were downright beautiful now, and he still wanted just as much. He reckons he owes yoongi for his help too but that can wait.

*

“I can’t believe you agreed to dance with her.” Jimin laughs over the lip of his beer.

“It was worth the look on Jungkook’s face.” Yoongi hums, turning his gaze to the back corner across the club. Though dimly lit he can still make out Jungkook’s figure dwarfing your own, and even though he had no intent of entertaining you with your little show he can admit the absolute heaven it had been when you’d pressed your ass against him. Still he’d never make a move on Jungkook’s forever girl, not when he had his sights set on another.

[ziracona]

On a scale of one to ten (one is your screwed and ten is your gonna destroy them) how would you do in a fight against the dead by daylight killers. First rules though. 1. No prep for either side (suck it Danny) 2. No guns! Only weapons found around your house. 3. It's to the death one being leaves an that's it. 4. No help from friends or pets. 5. Whether legion is four teens or just one combined is up to you.

Uhh, this depends drastically on if you mean I one v one every one of them, or if I’m trying to fight a mob. Because if it’s me vs all of them, I’d just die. Like I’m sure I’d have decent odds of killing at least one, maybe two, and taking them with me. But I’m not John Wick—I cant 1v23 a bunch of armed people with some degree of experience with their weapons given no prep time, allies, or special weapons to save me. I like basically anyone else die sadly to the mob.

If this is one v one though, bc it’d be hard to get them all to work together anyway, and that’s the only way like anyone stands a chance?

Evan: I give me 50-50 odds. He’s way bigger than me and his weapon has a longer reach than any known, even the swords. I’m pretty good at thinking on my feet though. I feel like I have about a 50% chance of living or dying (I’m getting gravely injured regardless), but if I die, I am taking him with me, 80% chance. I was not always proficient at winning fights, but I was very good at not losing them. I’ve been known for taking a sword to get a kill hit at cons a lot. I give me a 6 at simultaneous KO or victory.

Philip I refuse to kill. Even if he was trying to kill me. I would defend myself though. Much bigger threat than Evan to me because I /don’t/ want to hurt him at all, which puts me at disadvantage and liable to freeze up or make mistakes even trying to deal nonlethal damage, he’s bigger and taller than me so height and weight advantage, and I don’t have long enough weapons to help me overcome that, plus on top of that, he’s a tactical fighter, which is what I am. And I think it’s harder to beat someone at your and their own game than just to beat another style most of the time. I mean skill is skill in any area, but I’d take a really strong tank in a fight rather than a planner any day of the week. I think he’s smart, probably smarter than me under pressure, definitely more experienced, and would kick my ass tactically if his heart was in it. If it wasn’t though, I’d have a chance to catch him off guard. I think Vs Philip I get one chance to use a tricky move, and if I mess that up, I die. If I do it right, maybe I can knock him out. It’s a one shot long shot at disadvantage. I give me a 4 if his heart isn’t in it, 3 if it is.

Hillbilly has a chainsaw and hammer, but those are both unwieldy and slow weapons. I’m faster than him, and I’m willing to get hurt. Also he’s killed a lot, but he’s not a /fighter/, which gives me an edge. Being tactical works really well vs someone whose edge is brute force. And he doesn’t have as massive a height or strength advantage. I also have tricks and home court advantage. So long as I don’t fuck up, I give myself an 8.5.

Sally isn’t that scary. I would try to incapacitate her. I feel I could easily take her as a ghost or a person. I have good ghost fighting supplies, salt, chalk, talismans, knowledge. I’m prepared for this. I think I’m coming in for this one at a solid 10.

Michael Myers would kill me. I mean, he’s got like X-Man semi invincibility, good skills, and I don’t really want to kill him. I’d try to talk him down while defending myself. I’d probably fail, but I’d try. Best case scenario I get him to hesitate, but also I’m being generous and giving me a 12% chance of that. Realistically, best case is I pull out a rug, trip him, and temporarily escape. A fight in an enclosed space, most likely outcome is I try and fail to talk him down, and I die. I feel very sure I cannot take him in a fight unless Ishtar herself blesses me with god like abilities. I’m probably dead. At least it would be quick. I give me a 1.6.

Lisa is tiny and not that strong. I could easily break her little glass bones. I’m taller and stronger than her, and she had worse weapons than me. I would try not to kill her though—just incapacitate. I feel I could do this while sustaining only minor wounds. Not to give you a look beyond weird ghost shit into my personal arsenal, but I definitely have supplies for that. I give me a 10.

Herman is tall and strong but he’s not a fighter. He’s a scientist. I’ve been shocked before, and I know what to expect from him. He’s getting blasted by a power washer at range until his weird face apparatus comes off and he’s down and out. I have more precise weapons than him and can easily neutralize his abilities and turn them against him. Also have rubber to wear. He’s big though, so for that alone I give me a 9.6 in case I mess up.

Anna would destroy me. She’s good at ranged weapons, I am not. I would try to look as young as possible and convince her in my very bad but slowly improving baby Russian to please have mercy on me. We’re back to the Michael scenario where I know I have no chance of normal survival and would have to try and talk my way out. My odds are higher here though. I’m pretty cute and I know a little Russian. I give me a 4. But the 4 is not me winning it’s my odds of surviving through begging for my life. She’d kick my ass in a fight.

Bubba isn’t that good at fighting and has a big and cumbersome, if scary, weapon. I feel I could easily use terrain, weapons, and strategy to my advantage and kill him, unless I’m in a place with no terrain or furniture. In which case it’d be a lot worse for me. If I was not, though, I give me a solid 9.6 at owning that fight. I have a good throwing arm and plenty of stuff that can blind a foe, and a lot of weapons. A lot of weapons.

Freddy. Okay this is hard. I know how to kill him about as well as anyone does? So comparatively my odds are good? But. Also he’s a demon and a bit of a heavyweight in this arena. Sadly. If we’re in-realm rules, I have a /very/ good chance of kicking his ass. Give me a 10 to win, although I might not survive either. Probably would. If he’s like /film/ loadout? I give me more like a 6. It would be a battle, but I have a lot of knowledge and determination. Also I’m taller than him and bigger and could break his arms.

Amanda. Easy fam, that’s a 10. No, 11. Injured recently drugged Eric Matthews almost kicked her ass while toting a smashed foot. She’s like, 5 foot 1 and 30 pounds underweight. It’s not gonna be hard at all.

Kenneth I give me a 10 too. Easy fam. Even if he gets realm rules where he’s not tripping balls on his own drugs, I know what he’s got. I’ve got better weapons, I’m young, fast, strong, and smarter. I hold my breath, and run him through. Quick jabs from a dagger, take him down. Use my agility. He was never a fighter anyway—he used drugs to prey on people who couldn’t fight back. You know what? Give me another 11.

Rin? Uhhhh, I know as much as about anyone how to deal with her, but my odds of succeeding /before/ she killed me are...not great. And if we fought, there’s no way I have the ability to kill an Onryo. I put using my supernatural beings knowledge to hold her back long enough to stop her in the realm of improbably, but potentially doable, and give myself a 2.7. This is not to kill her though. Just to make her stop killing me. I have no way near the power or spiritual knowledge needed to kill something like that.

Legion I’d not really want to kill. They’re all teenagers or baby 20 year olds. I don’t want to wail fatally on kids, even ones who suck. That said, I think I could take them in a fight. If it was four and I got to fight them one at a time, easiest, four in one body back to back is medium, four at once is hard. First two options I could potentially fight to not kill. Third option only choice would be do everything I can to even /maybe/ have a shot. I have less experience stabbing people, but I’m more ready to take pain, and more motivated, so I give myself a 6, 5, and 3.5 to those scenarios respectively. I would be badly wounded regardless.

Adiris I don’t have healthy enough fear of dying of bubonic plague, and that would give me an edge. I think I have a good sword and shield combo to deal with the mace. She’s tall, but I have her beat in strength and stamina as well as agility bc she’s emaciated and dying. I would not want to kill her though. Might try to talk to her in my fucked Akkadian. Try to incapacitate if that failed. I give me a solid 8 if she’s treating this like a 9 to 5 or distracted by me, give me a 4 if she wants me /dead/. Either way, I probably have to run to the CDC and pray I survive scarred after.

Danny is just some sneaky dick with a knife. He doesn’t even know how to get stabbed. Slightly harder than a few other knife fighters bc he wears so much damn leather, but the eyes and mouth of that mask are vulnerable, and I feel sure I can drive a knife into them before sustaining any kind of fatal wound. He doesn’t have much edge on me in any area, I have him well beat in conviction, and I’m smarter than him by quite a bit. I give me a 9.

Uhhh, Demo isn’t that hard, and I love fire. Probably gonna get a little hurt, but I’m not worried about this one. Easy 10.

Kazan is interesting. He has me beat in size and strength, but his weapon is unwieldy and slow. I have quick weapons and am more agile, and I’m ready to fight dirty to save myself. 7 probably. It’s a luck thing. I have the edge, but if he really lands a hit on me even once, it’s all over. So. Not the /best/ of odds. Maybe a 6.8, actually.

You said no guns but I assume Caleb still gets his. He only gets one shot before being vulnerable though, and he’s much older than me. I’m faster and more agile, and stronger. He’s got really good endurance too though so I don’t have the edge there. It’s gonna be kind of a game of chicken to see who blinks. If he misses his one shot, I win. If he gets the shot, he wins. However, I think my odds of baiting the shot and getting my opening are decent. I give me a solid 7 here.

I still don’t even know which Pyramid Head he /is/. Why does any version exist here and want to kill me, can he smell, can I use that, can electricity hurt him, can he use my guilt against me? There are so many unknowns for both of us, I give us both a 5.

Talbot is an easy 10 unless he gets the jump on you. But you said no planning, so no surprise attacks, so I give me a 10. His body is literally falling apart, and all the blight serum in the world can’t save him from me forever. I have a bunch of tools at my disposal, and he’s fast, but he’s not accurate. Edge, me.

Victor and Charlotte. Interesting one here. Don’t want to kill them either, but I would to save myself I guess if I couldn’t stop them. Not scared of Victor. I bite too, and I go for the throat. Charlotte is more of a problem. Finally it’s a tall killer with a short range weapon though, so edge: me, in weapons. I think I have decent odds of beating them, but I would not get out unscathed. Give me a 7.5.

Jo-Woon. Depends wildly. He throws tiny knives that do too little damage. If he takes me seriously as a threat and tries to go for the throat before I can get close, edge: him, and I’m in for a really rough fight even with a shield. If he wants to fuck around with me though, I’ll win. Because I am prepared to suffer immensely to get a kill shot. If he was smart, I’d give the fight a 6, but I feel extremely confident he’d be cocky, so I give me a 9 to survive, a 10 to at worst get a simultaneous K.O.

[elizabethplaid]

daily notes, july 12, 2021

First good news is that the results from my last exam were fine. Second good news is that the ultrasound went well. A far more pleasant experience than my last appointment. I think I could see the unusual tissue on the screen (they had a big one on the wall for patients to view, yay). It was like a big dark spot, compared to everything else.

Bad news is only mildly bad. More like “I just want to bitch, because I’m exhausted.” So that goes beneath the cut. I’ll add some more good stuff at the end of the list.

Overall, today was good. (Pertinent info bolded for easier reading.)

1) I think Walmart has phased out the “Just My Size” brand. No fitting room attendants, so I couldn’t try on the other pants I found. Considering they had a size larger than what I wear, I know I’ll be okay if I have to get a different size. (Plus size clothing is notoriously tough to find the right fit with.)

2) Barbie (and all toys) section was thinner than last time! I grabbed another Roxy outfit and some miniature shoes. (Idk why it’s $14 something on the site, as it was only $4 in the store.) They did have the newer pigtails Barbie Extra doll, but not the pink-blue hair one I wanted. (Guess they all ended up in Australia?)

3) This was our first shopping adventure since the plastic bag ban. I only brought 2 of my reusable bags, and it was nowhere near enough for all the groceries we got. Dad just threw the non-frozen stuff in the back. Frozen food stayed in the cab with us, as we forgot to bring a cooler. (It’s a 1-hour drive between here and Ellsworth, mind you.)

3.5) I do have more reusable bags, but they’ve been in storage. Got ‘em as gifts over the years, but the bag ban only started July 1st. (Delayed a year, due to the plague.)

4) I got another fancy drink from Dunkin Donuts, but I forgot to load up on water first, so I couldn’t savor it. Gotta drink the water first, to quench my thirst. Then I can indulge with the nice stuff afterwards. (It was still really good.)

5) As we waited in line, we talked to Neighbor-G on dad’s cell. (We went to trivia night with her, back in 2020.) Dad apologized for the previous call cutting out, as his signal was bad in the hospital. So he explained that I was there for an ultrasound but didn’t say what kind. He’s like, “I’ll have her explain it,” then handed the phone to me.

So I’m like, “Yeah, just unusual tissue on a place where... I probably shouldn’t say it right now, because we’re in public. But it’s nothing to wor-” and dad half-shouts “LADY PARTS!” in the background. Like, dude. You couldn’t say that to her on the phone, but you’re gonna shout it in public? Are you possessed my mom’s ghost today? Wtf.

Idek if Neighbor-G heard him. A minute later, I said, “Oh I didn’t even tell you the best part. They had to call in a second-opinion for that first exam!” And I didn’t think I said it that loud, but one of the other people nearby kinda made eye contact with me. So I told G that I shouldn’t say more. “Everything’s fine, but I’m in public right now.” Even mentioned how I’ve been practicing on holding back on info-dumping and blurting, so this felt like my effort was wasted. (Obviously it wasn’t, but it still feels like a kick in the pants after I was so proud of myself earlier. I used to be sooo bad about over-sharing with medical professionals.)

Dad apologized after the call. I wouldn’t have minded if we were at home or at a smaller venue. It’s just that it’s friggen Walmart and people can hear. They don’t need to know about that stuff.

------------------------

Back to good stuff, we got a cardboard cat cottage, and I put it together right away. Wampus investigated right after I sprinkled the cat nip. Moscow was in there, last I looked.

I definitely think it’d be a good display on a shelf, with the side-door feature. The printed floor faces inside the cottage, which is separate from the scratch board pieces. If I got a 2nd cottage, I could just keep the scratch boards as replacements for the 1st cottage.

Got some other good things, like a new computer mouse and some cat brushes. Found more mandarin orange gel cups from Dole and more bags of frozen fruit.

[oneunexpected]

I love Free Day because it means I can do Whatever I Want and I get to rb it to tucweek along with the incredible art pieces and insightful analysis other people have made and mine’s just, like, TUC as vines.

Anyway. Here’s the definitive power ranking of all minor characters* in the Underland Chronicles. It's quite long, because I tried to use every character.

Icarus -this DUUUUDE. This GUYYYYY. SUCKS! -“uh-oh looks like I’m infected with the plague better fly directly into a social gathering” -would be an anti-masker probably  0/10

Reekwell and Gushgore -Fangor and Shed part two, but unfunny this time. 1/10 y’all suck give me Fangor and Shed back

Purvox -Purvox is apparently a beautiful red spider who teaches Hazard how to “speak” Spinner. That’s cool. -that’s it. Why did Suzanne even feel the need to name her? I’m grateful for the extra details but 2/10

Ajax -mean. -nobody likes him -this is probably why he gets on so well with Solovet -some sort of flier general, it seems, which is pretty cool 2/10

Hero & Kent -twins, I guess that’s fun -they’re only like eight but they still Smirk Evilly. Good for them 2/10 just because there’s 2 of them

Anchel & Daphne -some randos Keeda mentions as dead. They probably had some sort of significance to be mentioned by name but We’ll Never Know. 2/10 RIP though. I’m sure you’re worth higher than this but I don’t even know who you are

Horatio -crony #1 -has a crush on Dulcet. Didn’t we all 3.5/10. Boosted solely by association with Dulcet

Marcus -crony #2 3/10

Wevox -thought her name was Weavox until I began writing this post -sort of “Was Margaret Thatcher a Girlboss?” vibes -“As it is, Vikus, we will not drink. Web them” is a RAW line and it bounces around my head sometimes -the spiders are clearly very crafty about their political relations but she was not going to hesitate for a MOMENT to consider the ramifications of killing the monarch of Regalia and we gotta respect that -docking points for the girlboss thing, though. 4/10

Stellovet -queen of insults you gotta be honest -had an INCREDIBLE amount of impact for only having like three lines. I remember being like 11 and reading so many fics on Fan Fiction Dot Net where she was a scheming villain -funny how Luxa thinks her endgame is just becoming a princess. She doesn’t care beyond that she just wants to be royalty 4/10

Chim -baby -ok she’s 5 -doesn’t do anything but look confused and help provide a gateway for Howard to look like a good person 5/10, for years of life. What’s even your name? Chimney?

Andromeda -she’s good. She is an Absolute Beast when she crosses the Waterway with Howard and Mareth, definitely saved Mareth’s life -loves Mareth very much :) -shuns Ares at first but comes around, we still gotta knock her for this though 5/10

Clawsin & Bloodlet & Ratriff -Some folks who go to Ripred’s side, Clawsin gets blinded from the Bane, Ratriff gets his arm ripped off by the Bane, it is what it is 5/10 collectively

Reflex -man’s got jokes -very helpful with the code -shoots streamers of silk around the room when they break it -came to Regalia secretly... secretly to whom? The spinners? The gnawers? Whatever, he’s a rebel either way -I had to look up his name though, so apparently not a lot of impact. Sorry Reflex 5/10

Treflex -announced he was joining the quest, then IMMEDIATELY died. Yes king give us nothing -made a good snack? Gross. 5/10

Cevian -the scene where they find her body is beautifully written and so heartbreaking. She’s the catalyst for the entire fourth book -gives Aurora the opportunity to make her first ever big impassioned speech. It’s what Aurora deserved -still, she doesn’t get any dialogue so I can’t vote her super high 5/10

Euripides -seems nice -always described as “Vikus’ big grey bat,” never just big bat, never just grey bat -tells Luxa to teach Gregor how to ride a bat because his neck is getting bruised lol -nice of him not to embarrass Gregor though 6/10 speak up for yourself, king

Pend -takes Boots back to Regalia after the moth brings her to the crawlers’ land -Vikus recognizes him by name which is really impressive since crawlers look pretty homogenous, although we are told Vikus is better than most at picking them out. Still, Pend is probably a high rolling crawler. 6/10

The scorpions -I know I’m supposed to be doing named characters but they’re pretty cool. The passage they’re in is a really fun read. Mad respect 6/10 I’ll see y’all in Scorpio szn, baby

Razor -showed SHAME and GUILT in the first book when he got called out by Ripred -raised Pearlpelt as if he was his own. In payment, Pearlpelt knocked him off a cliff and then tried to eat him to hide the evidence 6/10

Fangor and Shed -funny dudes. -apparently constantly drunk 6/10

Gox -Gox got shit DONE, okay? Gox got shit DONE. -would eat your carcass without a moment of hesitation. It’s fine. 6/10

Hermes -this guy is great! -brings Luxa her crown -gets seriously injured while protecting Lizzie on their way to Regalia -might be dead tbh no one ever says 7/10

Keeda -okay listen. Keeda’s great. Keeda is that warrior at the Battle of Marathon who ran all the way back to Athens to report their victory and immediately die, except Keeda was reporting that the gnawers were about to invade -listen I know she was dealing with some other stuff, but Vikus asks, “how many rats?” And she says “many. Many rats” ??? No estimate? “An army?” Whatever. We give her a pass. 7/10 RIP

Pandora -FUCK -her death was possibly the MOST disturbing passage I’ve ever read. I could see it so, so vividly in my head. Man I remember the horror -she just wanted to explore 7/10 but also 2/10 for emotional trauma

Queen Athena -ICONIC one-liner in Curse of the Warmbloods, absolutely demolishes the gnawers over their treatment of the nibblers -I’m really biased towards her because Athena is my favorite goddess -probably could’ve done more for Ares, especially as seeing she’s supposed to be perceptive and a really good judge of character and whatnot 7/10

Daedalus -flinches in fear when Boots says she’s gonna sing a for him, specifically -basically pledges his life to Lizzie in the event the Code Room is attacked so that’s very nice 7/10

Heronian -she’s in a full body cast, but that will not stop her. 8/10

Susannah -can we talk about how she lost both of her siblings and she just keeps trucking along? -REALLY wish we knew more about her -clearly Very Kind. Can you please ask your daughter to be nicer -takes really good care of everyone she comes across :) 8/10

Min -creaky old cockroach dance 9/10

Frill -was cool -taught everyone the marks of secret -taught Hamnet about pacifism and stuff too -I get the feeling she was wayyyyy more important to Hazard and Hamnet and their survival than Gregor’s narrative really dives into 9/10

Mr. Cormaci -nice man. Gave Gregor quarters. 10/10

Gregor’s grandma -cool lady, you can’t deny! -tells Gregor he can’t outrun his issues -has a super cool quilt -who IS Simon??? 10/10

Scalene, Euclidian, Root, Cube, and Newton -felt obligated to include all these kiddos because they are, in fact, named, even though none of them get any dialogue or anything else for that matter, really -Scalene was a little nibbler pup that found her mom in the Arena, Euclidian and Root are two more that the mom was looking for, Newton was one that no one claimed but some other guy was like “any of us will take him” which is :’) but also, so, so sad. -Cube was the pup Luxa named that ended up in the pit in the Firelands -Scalene and Newton survived a genocide and Euclidian which is baller any way you swing it 10/10

Tick -:( :( :( -the selflessness. -I shipped her with Temp when I was 8? I can’t answer for that 10/10

York -LMAOOOO this guy’s a LEGEND -7 ft tall. -fights with a zweihander. -says fuck, canonically. -hosts hundreds of nibbler refugees -very loving uncle to Luxa, helps her learn how to rule - his exasperated affection towards Howard when he finds out Howard stayed in the Firelands even after he got sick was very cute 10/10

Honorable mentions: Perdita and Dulcet Their roles are too big in the last book to be included in this list, but these ladies both get a 10/10.

[alywats]

January 2021 Reading Wrap-Up

Here are all the books I read in January, a month of getting back into my routine after the holiday break and trying to make time for reading. Reading is my favorite hobby, but it is really hard to make time and space for it when I use all my focus and strain my eyes at the computer during the working hours of the day. So audiobooks have really been my saving grace this month. I only read a few of these books with my eyes, and the rest of them were listened to while I was cooking or driving or doing my laundry or taking a walk around the lake, and that is something that has been really valuable to me. Even though I only had “time” to sit down and read three or four books this month, I was able to read 12 with the help of audiobooks! Woohoo! Now on to my reviews for these books!

1. The Big Sleep  -Raymond Chandler (231 pgs) 3

A classic "hard-boiled detective" novel which I enjoyed because of its significance in the genre. What I did not enjoy was the homophobia which, it being a product of its time, was extreme and hard to read through. First book of 2021 and we are not off to a great start!

2. Get A Life, Chloe Brown -Talia Hibbert (373pgs) 3.5

Mostly cute. There were like two or three things that made me suuuuuuper annoyed but I think they are more my issues than the book's, so I'll let it slide. Probably won't continue this series!

3. The Year of Less -Cait Flanders (189 pgs) 1.5

Okay this is the whiniest book ever, and I don't say that lightly. Ugh, I just wanted to read more about simple living and this book was 200 pages of complaining, Flanders not really consuming less, and no actual info about simple living or being a sustainable consumer.

4. The Invention of Sound -Chuck Palahniuk (240 pgs) 3

The first half was so good... and then I got kinda lost. At this point the real question is how many Palahniuk books will I read and think are mediocre before I finally read Fight Club...

5. Writers & Lovers -Lily King (320 pgs) 4

This book is really good for a lot of writer-y things and a lot of lover-y things. But my fav part? When there is a math band in the cafeteria called "The Cosines".

6. Wild -Cheryl Strayed (315 pgs) 4

I loved A Walk in the Woods by Bill Bryson, so it's no surprise that I was into this book too. It is a bit cliche to be inspired by this book, but it's cliche for a reason, this journey is inspiring, the personal growth and discovery is inspiring. I also just loved the descriptions of Ashland, Crater Lake, Mt. Hood, and the Columbia from Strayed's perspective. These are places and landmarks that I have grown up with, and to be reminded of how special Oregon is was definitely something I enjoyed.

7. Brave New World -Aldous Huxley (288 pgs) 3

Honestly, I don’t have a lot to say about this. There were some things that worked and some things that were not great, but mostly I was indifferent. I could not find any investment in this story or the characters, but I also didn’t ~hate~ what I was reading, so it was really a neutral reading experience for me.

8. The Man Who Loved Only Numbers -Paul Hoffman (303 pgs) 3.5

This was a biography of Erdős, notorious Hungarian mathematician, as well as a general history of some of his contemporaries and their mathematical highlights. Overall I found this book to be engaging, well-researched, and at the right level of detail, but what made this one hard for me was my immediate and intense dislike of Erdős. As a baby mathematician, I have been told that Erdős was an amazing and prolific mathematician who changed the course of mathematics, and we (mathematicians) should be aspiring to be like him. And he *was* amazing and prolific as a mathematician, but outside of mathematics, Erdős was annoying and demanding and full of entitlement, something that surprised me. The reason this bothered me, if I’m being honest, is that I feel this attitude of superiority in the mathematics community way too much. You are not of superior intelligence if you do math, you should not forget to be a well-adjusted human because you are too focused on math, and this should not be what mathematicians are striving for (I think many mathematicians would disagree with me, and that is my point). Erdős’s attitude and ethos were unhealthy at best, as they are for many ‘great’ mathematicians, and it’s hard for me to get behind the romanticized nature of “The Man Who Loved Only Numbers”, as if abandoning all other parts of life is the best/truest way to be a mathematician. It’s hard for me to care about Erdős numbers (think 6 degrees of Kevin Bacon but for math) when the idea of mathematical name-dropping is just another way to feel superior, and I leave this book feeling disconnected by the communal obsession with Erdős among mathematicians.

9. The Shining -Stephen King (659 pgs) 5

I don't think it's revolutionary to say that this is King's best work, but in case you need me to tell you, The Shining is probably Stephen King's best work. Jack Torrance freaks me out like no other, the Overlook hotel is written in such a unique and ~creepy~ way, and the supernatural elements are woven in with character study and plot development in a way that makes them feel entirely real but not the central motivation for the story.

I think a problem with a lot of sci-fi/fantasy tropes like mind-reading is that 1. it is the *only* plot device the author uses to continue the narrative so it completely overshadows characterization and the plot arc, or 2. it isn't fleshed out enough so the reader doesn't get to feel totally immersed in or believe in the supernatural world that the story is taking place in.

The Shining is the balance of these two issues, King writes the characters and the plot in a way that is simply enhanced by the supernatural elements, and he writes the supernatural elements in a way that is enhanced by Danny's character and his circumstances.

This was my second time reading The Shining, since the first time I read it I was in 7th grade. There were definitely things I picked up on the second time around, and I am really glad I read it again.

10. Ancillary Justice -Ann Leckie (416 pgs) 3

One thing I really appreciate about this book is that it is a woman's voice and commentary on gender in the sci-fi world, which is rare and valuable. Sci-fi space opera has been a genre ruled by the white man for a long time, and that means that the stories are often very reflective of that. So yeah, I am happy to have read a book in this space written by a woman.

My criticism is simply that I was bored through parts of it, and I think that's because it's not a plot or characters that resonated with me. And that's just my personal taste coming through.

11. The Bass Rock -Evie Wyld (368 pgs) 4

The Bass Rock is the interweaving tale through different periods of time in Scotland, and the way society controlled and abused these women. They accused smart women of being witches, then they lobotomized women with opinions, and on and on. This book is a commentary on violence, and oppression as violence against women, which makes it somewhat difficult to read, but the way the stories of the women overlap both in plot and in theme is so beautifully done.

12. Hamnet -Maggie O'Farrell (372 pgs) 5

Shakespeare, that mysterious bard, had a son named Hamnet who died. Is it a coincidence then, that his most emo play is of the same name? (Hamnet = Hamlet in 1590s England I guess). This novel mostly shoves William off-stage, focusing more on his wife Agnes and her experience being a daughter, a mother, a wife, and a mourner. It is a glimpse into life in the 1590s, where plague was ravaging the cities, and although 1590s life often feels very different to our 2021 life, there are a few striking similarities to be found here: grief, lockdown, the closing of theaters. This was beautifully written, and in the spirit of being dramatic, I'll say the ending took my breath away.

And I'll end with this thought: Shakespeare wrote during a time where the Black Death could not be ignored, he (probably) lost his son to it, but the plague is at most an undertone in his body of work. Instead he wrote about corruption, the failure of rulers, deception, grief, and the lust for power. Take a look into 2020s USA, and I think you'll find that Shakespeare just got a little bit more relatable.