#after 11 years of using this app… oh my my

[l0veyourselfirst]

Hello there I’m Steph!

Still in my late 20s making my way through. ♓️💜🔮 Welcome to my tumblr which is (and always was) all about what I love. Posting (well… more like reblogging) mostly about simone ashley, kathony from bridgerton, rihanna and my favourite f1 drivers op81. ln4. lh44. ab23. fc43. mv1. From time to time I post crappy gifs of beautiful people.

. simone gifs

. papayas 🧡

[ukulelekatie]

I just revived my old iPod touch that I haven’t used since ~2013 after believing it to be dead dead for years and oh my god it’s like opening up an old time capsule. There are photos of me and my friends that I haven’t seen in years, taken in an old high school building that doesn’t exist anymore. I have games that are no longer downloadable on the app store. It’s running iOS 5 with the original skeuomorphism app icons. I still have the youtube app. My contacts app is full of maiden names and deadnames. The music app has songs I haven’t heard in almost a decade but still remember all the lyrics to. A daily alarm set for 5:30 AM (god I can’t believe I had to wake up that early in high school) and another set to 11:11 PM to remind me to make a wish. Reminders to finish homework assignments, or to write my application essay for the university I ended up attending, and one marking the release date for the final episode of Cabin Pressure. The last thing I googled was “how to draw people hugging”.

Possibly the strangest thing is that the tumblr app still opens, but it’s stuck in a permanent snapshot of 2013 where it won’t show me any new posts no matter how many times I refresh. My dash is full of old BBC Sherlock posts from long-lost mutuals who have either since deactivated or got unfollowed or changed urls so many times that I don’t even recognize them. Lady Gaga and Game of Thrones are the top trends. My profile shows my previous url and icon, with only 43 followers. I feel like a time traveler

[pollymorgan]

Ex-Husband Negan Part 7

Warnings: Negan is Negan, a few hot words, a woman who doesn't learn.

Shame on me! 🙈 For some reason, I thought Lizzie was 7 years old when writing, but she's actually 11 years old ... so, if she comes across as "immature," that's the explanation .... Sorry ...

Present

I was just preparing the salad for dinner with Lizzie. Or rather, my youngest daughter was cutting the tomatoes, while I stood next to her in a panic, struggling not to snatch the sharp knife from her little hands, when Gracie came into the kitchen talking on the phone.

"Yes, Dad, I know, but you have to understand ..." she spoke calmly into the receiver.

Typical, if I had pulled a stunt like Negan did this morning, she wouldn't have talked to me for at least a month, but with her father, everything was immediately forgiven and forgotten.

As she said goodbye to him, Lizzie immediately turned around frantically. "I wanted to talk to Daddy too ...".

I immediately took the knife from her hand and held her arm because she was wobbling uncontrollably on the step.

"Dad didn't have time anyway, because he's on his way to go eat with Sherry!" my eldest replied.

Somewhat shocked, I asked, "Sherry?!?"

Just hearing another woman's name in connection with Negan stabbed me in the heart, but the fact that it seemed completely normal for my children shocked me even more.

"Well, Daddy's girlfriend ..." Lizzie said meekly.

I tried to compose myself and not show anything to my children.

"So, his girlfriend then ..." I replied softly.

Gracie stood between us and stole a piece of bell pepper from the cutting board, "Yeah, she's really cool ...".

"Do you know her?" I asked, as unimpressed as possible.

"Of course, we even went shopping together ..." she said and then poured the chopped vegetables into a large bowl.

I had definitely lost my appetite at dinner. Thoughtfully, I poked at my plate. That bastard. Negan was clearly the one who had seduced me again last night, and then he didn't even bother to mention his girlfriend with a single word.

The anger and disappointment boiled inside me, but worse yet, even though I didn't want to admit it, I was also insanely jealous.

Last night had shown me that my feelings for him were still so incredibly strong, but it all seemed meaningless to him. Why does he still have such power over me, even though he has caused me so much pain?

Even in the evening, when I lay in my bed, the voices in my head did not stop. How could he whisper such sweet things to me yesterday while bringing me to climax over and over again and then spend a nice evening with the next woman - his girlfriend???

In a feeble attempt to distract myself, I scrolled through my phone. Opened apps only to close them again immediately. Eventually, I went to my photo gallery and came across a selfie I had taken a few days ago, in front of my bed.

I didn't know exactly what I wanted to achieve with it, or what I hoped to achieve, but after applying a few filters, I posted it on my status and made it visible only to Negan.

Annoyed with myself, I placed the phone on my nightstand and buried myself under the covers. I lay there for a few minutes, struggling with whether I should just delete the post, when I heard a vibration. I quickly threw the covers off and grabbed my phone.

"Damn, you're hot, Mom 🔥😍"

I couldn't help but smile, and the devil on my shoulder thought that Sherry might not be so interesting after all, if my ex-husband could find the time to react to my photo.

"And damn lonely, all alone in bed ... 🥺...everything still smells like you, Daddy ..." I replied, and it wasn't even a lie. I hadn't changed the sheets yet, and his scent had been clouding my senses the whole time.

I felt my cheeks flush at the thought of what he might write, and I didn't have to wait long for a response.

"Oh, my poor baby... Do you miss me so much? Be good and touch yourself for me, okay? And then tell me if you still feel where my tongue was yesterday, all over you and inside you ... Fuck, I still have your heavenly taste on my lips ..."

Instantly, every part of me tingled. My whole body seemed to be buzzing with electricity. Just his written words and the thought of last night sent me into ecstasy.

But I didn't want to settle for this chat while he was probably sitting nonchalantly next to his new girlfriend, enjoying the evening to the fullest.

"No, that's not enough for me ... My fingers are running over my body, to all my sensitive spots, but it doesn't feel the same as you ... Nothing feels even close to as good as you! I need you here with me, Negan. Now!" I nervously sent the message.

Agonizingly, I watched as he typed, but no new message appeared. Then he suddenly went offline. Fuck! I had probably lost this little game.

Just as I was about to disappointedly put my phone away, a response finally came.

"Put on something sexy. I'll be there in 20 minutes! 😉"

Oh man, my heart leaped. He was actually going to show up here! He had chosen me. At least for tonight.

Excited like a teenager, I jumped out of bed and, no, I ran to my dresser. I quickly pulled out some lingerie that I constantly bought but never wore.

After choosing one, I went to the bathroom to freshen up. I kept glancing at the clock.

After just 15 minutes, the doorbell rang. I grabbed my robe and put it on, then hurriedly ran down the stairs.

As I opened the door and he stood there in front of me, my heart pounded even harder in my chest. He looked incredibly good in his dark clothing and black-rimmed glasses.

Smiling confidently, he was about to lean in to kiss me when I pushed him back with a flat hand on his chest.

"Was Sherry very sad that you had to leave?" I asked innocently.

His grin widened instantly. He leaned his upper body back and let his eyes roam over my body.

"You little minx, so the kids told you about her ... but I have to say, your jealousy is incredibly sexy..." His gaze lingered on my belt, which I had quickly tied around my waist. He casually undid the knot with a quick hand movement, and my robe fell open. The cool air immediately caused goosebumps to form on my bare skin.

"Fuck.." Negan whispered as he caught sight of my white lace underwear.

We were still standing at the open front door, but I didn't care in that moment.

"So, why did you come here?" I provocatively asked him.

"Shit, what kind of question is that? ... Isn't it more than obvious ...?" he replied and then bit his lip.

"I want to hear it from you..." I still pressed.

Negan confidently approached me, but I took a few steps back so we were in the middle of the hallway. He let the door slam shut behind him, maintaining eye contact with me.

"Because I want you ... only you..." he answered, then he grabbed me firmly and pulled me into a long, passionate kiss, his fingers wandering under my robe. When his large hands touched my butt, I couldn't help but let out a soft moan.

"Wow, wow, let's go to the bedroom before the girls wake up..." Negan laughed.

As soon as we arrived there, I let my robe slip completely off my body. Just his reaction to me made my lower abdomen clench with desire.

"Show me..." he commanded with a firm, deep voice. I looked at him questioningly, then he added. "Show me how you touched yourself when you missed me ... I can't stop thinking about your message ... I want to see it..."

Without breaking eye contact with him, I fell back onto the bed. Negan stood there watching every move I made. There was so much tension in the room that it was palpable.

Slowly, I began running my fingers over my chest and gently stroked my sensitive nipples, which were only covered by a thin fabric and immediately stiffened.

I enjoyed his gaze on me. I could see how much he was turned on by all of this. His green-brown eyes seemed darker than usual and gleamed with lust. His Adam's apple moved up and down noticeably, and his tongue lightly moistened his perfectly shaped lips.

Just as I was about to continue moving my hand down my body, the bedroom door unexpectedly opened. Startled, I pulled the blanket over my body and looked at the shocked face of my partner Steve, who suddenly stood before us.

"What's going on here?" he asked, pale as a sheet.

Negan turned to him first and then amusedly back to me, grinning from ear to ear. "Wow, the evening is going to be even more exciting than I expected...!"

[echobx]

Timeloop - JJ Maybank × fem!reader part 2

summary: y/n meets JJ for the first time and she doesn't know that it will turn her whole life upside down, literally

warnings: none

word count: 1k

author's note: this is so short but I promise I have a vision. pls be patient with me 😭

masterlist part 1

There's a certain type of person in this world who only thinks of themselves, only wishes the best for their own good, not caring about anyone else, ever. And no matter how much I pride myself to not be this person, my actions have made me into a person like that. Selfish. Egotistical. Narcissistic, maybe.

It starts on a Tuesday, perfect sunshine, warm, bearable 72 °F with a light breeze that is blowing through the trees next to our new house. My room is filled with boxes, most of which contain stuff that I won't even need here. Too warm for that. But I spend my day unpacking, anyway. It's a fresh start, and my parents could have picked a way worse place to live than the Outer Banks.

“Y/n, we're going out for dinner. Come on down!” My mom yells from the foot of the stairs, and I quickly grab my phone and my headphones before running downstairs to meet her. It's just my dad, my mom and my little sister. We left the rest of the family behind, not that I am looking forward to seeing them again at Thanksgiving…

“Can you take the headphones off, honey? We're trying to have dinner,” my dad complains after we sat down and a girl around my age hands us each a menu.

“Hi, I'm Kiara, I'll be your waitress for the night. Welcome to the Wreck,” she says, with a forced smile. “Just call me over when you're ready to order.” And as quickly as she appeared, she's gone again. My eyes follow her inside the establishment, where she starts to talk to a group of boys. One of them turns his head to look at me. Tall, blonde, muscly but not scary looking. And as quickly as his gaze was on me, it's gone again.

After dinner, we make our way out of the restaurant, and while my dad pays, I turn to look back at the boys. They are still just hanging out in a corner, joking around and not paying any mind to the people around them. I like how careless they are, how free.

“Honey?” my mom speaks up and rips me out of my thoughts, pulling me with her towards the door and away from the boys.

The next day, I wake up with a headache. My diary is lying on my face and I have ink stains on my fingers.

A shower helps with the stains and lifts my headache just enough to let me survive breakfast, so I think. But my mother has different ideas.

All morning, she keeps asking me why I was so interested in those boys the night prior, and I really don't have a good answer for her. Maybe because they didn't have parents around them all the time. Maybe the fact that they seemed somewhat mysterious still. Maybe, just maybe, I had, for the first time, actually found someone interesting with a single look, and not because I had to dissect their personality to find the bits that complimented my own.

“I don't know, mom. I don't even know who they are. Can you please let it go,” I huff after she posed another question.

“Fine. Did you finish with your room?” she asks instead, and I sigh in relief.

“Yes. Well… I only need a few poster strips and stuff to decorate, but I'll go buy something later.”

“Sounds lovely,” my dad notes, his eyes solely fixed on his tablet while reading the paper.

“Anything new in the world?” I ask and take another bite of my toast.

“Nothing too important. You can read it yourself if you'd download the app,” he replies.

“Oh no, she can't. Y/n has too many pictures of ugly men on her phone. No storage for news,” my little sister laughs loudly, and I wish to sink down into the core of our planet earth. As if having a five year younger sister isn't already punishment enough. That's also not true. I love my sister, but she also drives me crazy with her 11-year-old brain.

“I'll read it later on my laptop,” I say and my dad just nods.

Getting out of the house feels like finally being able to breathe again. I have learned to take my diary with me everywhere I go, not wanting to have last year's incident repeated where my sister took my diary to school and read it aloud to all of her friends and word had gotten around and soon after every teenager in my area had known my secrets. And not even the funny ones. No, my sister had decided to only share the most embarrassing part of my life. For example the fact that I follow a strict protocol when talking to anyone, even my closest friends at the time. And they all had made fun of me, or mocked me or just called me all kinds of vile things because of it.

But that doesn't matter now because this is a new start. I'll find better friends. Preferably ones who I don't have to pretend for. Ones that don't make me feel the need to script out conversations long before they happen.

“Woah, easy there, princess,” a voice rips me out of my thoughts, firm hands grasping my shoulders. “You good? You nearly ran into that shelf.”

“I'm fine, thank you,” I mumble before picking up my head, blinking twice, and a third time. He's even prettier from up close. Disheveled blonde hair falling into his face that is adorned by the bluest eyes I have ever seen. Perfectly matched to his pointy nose and the pink lips.

His eyebrows furrow and I look away, hearing him clear his throat and feeling him drop his hands.

“Thank you for that,” I mumble and smile while looking down, too scared that I might get lost if I look at him for too long.

“Yeah, it's no problem, at all,” he drags out his words and takes a step back. “Just be careful next time.”

I nod, and he's gone, but I'm still nodding. Fate isn't something in my area of expertise. I have never had any luck of any sort whatsoever. But running into him the day after seeing him for the first time- Maybe there truly is something out there that plays our cards, and it played mine just right.

please don't copy and/or post my work onto other platforms! ~e©ho

taglist: @redhead1180 @spideysimpossiblegirl @drwstarkeyy @princessmaybank @ijustwantttoread @kys4-20 @immyowndefender @julczimocarz @m2m2m2 @th3eternalersi @chiaraanatra @yourmumstoy

[digisims2]

Sims 2 on Windows 11

Alright, the new computer with Windows 11 is up and running and Sims 2 has been installed. These are the steps I took to get it running and looking pretty:

Installed the game through EA App

I installed "George" so I won't need to start the game up through EA App and let it waste resources and spy on me.

I ran the 4GB patch on the Sims2EP9.exe and TS2BodyShop.exe

I ran Graphics Rules Maker and tweaked things through that enabling it to use my full texture memory etc

I installed the EmptyStandbyList since without it I got pink flashing very quickly

????

Profit.

If this helped somebody else out, you're welcome! :)

(long, pretty messy and image heavy version of this process written as I did it is behind the cut. I mean it, it's very long!)

added my graphics card in the video cards file manually

did the common graphics rules tweaks (these) manually

applied 4gb patch to bodyshop and game exes

tested bodyshop, it started up but has no smooth edges, otherwise textures are good and new projects export and import as supposed. 4GB patch works as supposed. It'll likely require tweaking it through nvidia control panel so leaving that for later.

Started up game, after turning the edge smoothing on it looks this good (no mods thus the boxy shadows):

6. However my log is reporting only 1gb of RAM for the game to use, will have to reapply the 4gb patch and try again. But it's using all 12 gb for texture memory so that's cool, I probably won't need to worry too much about pink flashing but I'm going to stress test it a little.

View distance maximized:

Shaders work:

"I probably won't need to worry too much about pink flashing" I said earlier and then left the lot and:

:'D But looking at task manager I see my standby memory has filled up the remaining RAM already so this is actually working as expected, I just forgot one step.

7. installed the EmptyStandbyList.

8. This is where I closed game, applied the standby memory fix, rechecked my exe and remembered that you weren't supposed to run it in compatibility mode so I turned that off but just in case I also reapplied 4gb patch and restarted the game. Now it's correctly showing me 4GB of RAM to use for the game so that should be handled.

Side note: Mr. Humble spawned, I haven't seen him for years as I have mod to stop him from appearing. Was this sim always so ugly? It looks like his face is melting.

No pink flashing after leaving the lot this time:

But it crashed when I clicked on the sims icon.

New try, game restarted and this time we'll go straight to CAS and... *immediately gets distracted* There are this many bin families by default?

I've used clean templates for years so this was an unpleasant surprise. I don't like them, you're all getting nuked soon once I've made sure the game runs as supposed and can go ahead installing clean templates. So then to the CAS, it loads and I click to create a sim and....

Oh. Okay then. :| Guess I'm missing some tweak still. Let's try graphics rules maker instead, it should also easily fix my resolution etc since I forgot to do that manually.

One restart later, are you fucking kidding me?

but hey, nice crisp textures. Too bad it's so tiny I can't see shit. (I realized this was my error after a moment, I thought graphics rules maker said minimum resolution in the spot I didn't change but it actually says maximum, so I fixed that and all is good) But I'm gonna ignore that now and try loading CAS again, pls work.

.... Hell yeah, at least that finally loaded up as supposed.

She is beauty, she is grace, maxis defaults really ruin her face.

After the final restart with screen size etc fixed I went back and forth to different lots trying to make it flash pink and it never did so I'm going to say this was success.

So to recap:

Installed the game through EA App

I installed "George" so I won't need to start the game up through EA App.

I ran the 4GB patch on the Sims2EP9.exe and TS2BodyShop.exe

I ran Graphics Rules Maker and tweaked things through that enabling it to use my full texture memory etc

I installed the EmptyStandbyList since without it I got pink flashing very quickly

????

Profit.

And seriously, that's all, even if this post ended up this long.

I still need to get smooth edges in bodyshop but that will likely be done with nvidia control panel rather than texture settings. Here's one more random maxis sims image to end this with a pretty picture instead of just huge wall of text.

[delilahcalicocat]

♥︎~Dada's Ok..~♥︎

{Rating: Fluff, Implied Smut ;)}

{Warnings: Swearing, Crying, Y/N being a good mom, Cody Getting his head smashed open by the rock, Blood, Emma Panicking for her Dada, Kissing}

{Pairing: Cody Rhodes x Fem!Mother!Reader}

{Summary: Emma Traveled with her Mama & Dada, Only for the Rock to beat Cody up outside the bus that literally has his Fiancée and Adopted Child in it.}

It was the ending for RAW, Y/N and Emma were waiting for Cody. Y/N watched the TV in the bus as Cody got attacked by the Rock

"Mama!! Dada is getting hurt!!" Emma sobbed

Y/N cuddled the child into her arms, a loud thump was heard outside the bus..

It was Cody, He was already in enough pain from the gash over his head, but the rock insisted on hitting him with a stupid belt

Y/N suddenly opened the door to the bus, shocking the rock, he could hear Emma sobbing faintly.

"She crying because her daddy got hurt?" The rock asked

"No! She's crying because your fucking stupid ass hitting Cody against the bus woke her up! She's gonna be moody all day tomorrow now great!" Y/N seethed

"Big deal, kid can go without a couple hours of sleep." The Rock Sighed

"It's fucking 11:56pm at night, Emma is gonna cry all day tomorrow if she doesn't get enough sleep, go scurry off back to the bloodline now, I'm sure you don't need a bawling child at the Kickoff to WrestleMania Weekend Conference." Y/n Spoke

"Alright whatever, I have to go get ready for the Hall of fame anyways." The Rock rolled his eyes

The Rock then walked back into the Building, Y/N stepped out of the Tour bus to get Cody back up

"Codes, ya need medical attention. Your bleeding pretty bad.." Y/n sighed

Cody was still pretty woozy from the hits to the head, but he trusted Y/N's words

"Alright... Come on.." Cody Spoke, Begrudgingly to Y/N

Y/N and Him got to Medical, and Y/n had to go back because of Emma

"Mama?" Emma Called Out

"Nope you little silly, I'm your uncle Kevin" Kevin Owens Smiled at the little one

"Kev? What are you doing?" Y/N asked

"Oh. Sami saw what happened with Cody and the rock, so he sent me to watch Emma while you spent some time with Cody-" Kevin Said

"Oh, well I'll be good. Just go watch Codes for me.. I gotta get little Emily to bed-" Y/N spoke

Kevin Hastily headed towards medical after Y/N let him out of the bus

"Mama? Is.. Dada.." Emma tried to speak

"Emmy, Baby.. Dada's Gonna be Ok.. he's getting all patched up, you need to sleep though" Y/N reassured the Toddler

Emma couldn't help but panic for her Dada, he was still in the arena..

★~★~★~★~★~★~★~★~★~★~★~★~★~★~

"Emmy, Time to Wake up sweetie! We gotta get ready for the Hall Of Fame Event" Y/N Smiled tenderly

"Ok Mama.." Emma Sighed

"Aww, there's my little girl!" Cody Spoke

"Dada!" Emma ran towards Cody in excitement

"Dada's Ok, See Emma?" Y/N Hummed

Y/N sat back down while Cody played with the Toddler

"What do you want for breakfast kiddo?" Cody Asked

"Pancakes" Emma Said

Cody looked a little stunned

"Don't worry Codes, My mom used to live in Philadelphia, there's a Burger King across the street from the arena, in the plaza. I'll order it in my app and sprint there-" Y/N sighed

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~❤️~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Cody and Y/N Sat and snuggled together as Emma ate her pancakes and watched a cartoon on Y/N's Phone.

"I love Emma so much" Y/n spoke

"I really wish I could have another kid-"

"Why wait? We could start now."

"Ye- CODY!" Y/N Tapped Cody's head

"Not infront of Emma!" Y/N jokingly shouted

"It's 10:35am let's go, we gotta go to a meet and greet-" Cody changed the subject

"Alright." Y/N said

"C'mon Emmy, Uncle Jey and Uncle Kevin will be there too" Cody said, Picking up the 6 year old

[writingsfromhome]

The Ex-Text

Epilogue: what’s next

A/N: this isn’t so much an epilogue than a part two but it just fit better to call it one lol. But it’s the final instalment in the Ex-Text so make sure you read the first two. As always, ty for reading this far <3

Prologue (text) / Main (ex) / Epilogue (what’s next)

—————————

It was a bit of a wet morning but I was determined to have a good day. And it’s like the world listened because by the time I got my morning coffee the sun had decided to kiss my skin hello. It was a Friday, I had a weekend of bachelorette festivities—our last girls weekend before Taz officially married next weekend. And I was going to a job I loved after changing roles last year, and getting promoted to the position I’d been chasing after.

It had been a year and 7 months since the night I decided to change. It wasn’t linear by any means but I had a better sense of who I was and what I wanted nowadays. I stuck up for myself, and felt less end-of-the-world if someone didn’t like me. I wasn’t perfect all the time, but things were better.

I’m so excited for tomorrow, I read Taz’s text in the lift up. I’d set up a spa day for the bridesmaids, and then a potentially rowdy evening across a few bars with a scavenger hunt. As the maid of honour I took my duties very seriously. I was friends with most of the invitees either from childhood or through Taz—there were a handful of girls from high school that Taz and I were friends with who I hadn’t seen in a while. It was going to be an interesting weekend.

***

“So YN,” Taz’s cousin slides in beside me wiggling her phone. This was our second pub on the list and she had the lead for the scavenger hunt by two. The group had enough drinks that everyone was loud and comfortable even though not everyone knew each other well. “How far along are you?”

“I’m not playing,” I made the game. I tell her that.

“Oh c’mon!” She looks at the girls sitting near us. “You’re just trying to get out of some of these! Like kiss a stranger, or find a way to write your number on someone’s arm? You’re cheeky with these—find someone to do a musical number with—“

“That’s how I know I’m not winning the hunt,” Felicity says. “I’m shite at dancing.”

“No you was so good back in school,” Taz giggles as she catches up. “Dots was even better, remember when she went with that wanker to the year 11 dance and oh what was his name-“

“I heard my name,” Dots pokes her head through. “You lot are loud.”

“Have you heard them?” Taz’s cousin points to the other end of the table. Someone’s getting a shot poured directly into their mouth.

“Taz are you participating in the hunt?” Felicity waves her phone that has the app pulled up.

“I’m getting married in a week so…only the PG ones.”

“No one’s going to say anything if you do number 7,” Dots winks. I smile uncomfortably, remembering the grip the peer pressure these girls had in high school that lead me to some pretty bad decisions.

“Taz is too much of an angel to do anything like that,” I try to swoop in for her.

“Then you should do it for her.” Dots says, her eyes alight with mischief. “Since you’re not playing. That way the bride-to-be has a chance to win.”

“Yeah!” Felicity jumps right into the plan eagerly. “It’s not like you’re dating someone right?”

“I…”

“I don’t need to win that bad,” Taz tries to come to my rescue but the plan is too enticing for these girls.

“Oh yeah YN you never got back on the horse after…Ethan?” Taz’s cousin mouths the word like he was going to appear if she said it too loud.

“No it’s…” I’m tempted to lie. To look good. Everyone leans in to hear the end of my sentence and I blurt out. “It’s complicated.”

“Ooh what’s that mean?” They move in closer and I feel crushed. I avoid Taz’s eye, she knew I hadn’t dated in forever. Not for lack of wanting, but I found opening myself up to new people was more exhausting than it used to be. Being in one long term relationship after the other, then taking a huge break, now dating felt like learning to walk again.

“Um,” I try to backtrack on the lie. “It’s just complicated but technically I’m not dating someone right now!”

“Wait so you’re not bringing a plus one to the wedding?” Someone asks.

“Well I-“

“You should invite the guy! If he comes you know he’s serious and if he doesn’t…”

“Yeah!” Felicity grabs my arm. “Invite him! I want to see Ethan’s rebound that manwhore.”

“It’s not really a rebound when it’s been years,” Taz says. I agree, but I’m also touched by the vehemence in Fel’s voice when she talks about Ethan.

“Well screw the guy. If he’s complicated, you can kiss anyone you want at any bar you want. So?”

“YN,” Taz’s murmur catches my attention. She shoots me a warning, I had to put my foot down. Not give in because I wanted to please. I should but with this many eyes on me I chicken out.

“Fine. But maybe pick number 7 at the next bar, this group looks uni aged.” I feel Taz’s disappointment beside me.

“So? I had a thing with a 21 year old last summer,” Fels shrugs.

“Ew. Didn’t you feel like his mother?” Taz asks and I laugh, a bit of the pent up energy releasing with it.

“No, he was a big boy. He knew how to take care of himself.” She grins. The topic shifts to her and I think I’m forgotten until the hour hits and we decide to move places.

“Okay YN I know you’ve mapped this all out but if we’re trying to get you a good number 7 I know a better place where I used to live. Last summer actually.” Felicity links her arm through mine as we walk out.

“We know how well that went,” Taz’s cousin teases.

“Exactly! May I? Girls! Change of location on the third cuz Taz has to win tonight-“

“I really don’t want the gift card that badly.” Taz says but it’s drowned out by everyone cheering. God we were all well on our way to drunk.

***

“That one,” someone whispers to me. She points to a tall blonde with a cardigan on.

“Mmm too bookish,” someone else says. Somehow the whole group was debriefed on the way over that I was to have the most epic kiss with a stranger for Taz’s sake. Because even though she had three other missing items on her list, doing this would make her win.

“Well that creep over there just bought me shots,” Taz slurs. We look to where she points, it’s a guy who had been a potential kisser. The group crosses him out as well as the line item on her list. Now she was down to 2 to win.

Felicity had led us to her old local area, one I hadn’t spent much time in but sounded familiar. Even though I’d planned the pub crawl to the detail I had to let go of the control and go with the crowd.

“Okay YN you have to do this now,” Dot says. “You can kill two birds, then Taz is free to win.”

“Doesn’t anyone else want to win?” I ask pathetically.

“No!” The group encourages me. “You need this too YN!”

“Him,” Fels points to a guy sitting at the bar. He’s talking with the bartender who’s laughing at whatever he’s saying. “Look, he’s funny and nice enough to talk to the bartender. He’ll give you a nice smooch.” She kisses my cheek with this statement.

“Oh he’s cute,” Taz says and I glare at her.

“You can’t even see his face.” I tell her.

“Yeah but his hair is nice,” she rubs my cheek where Felicity kissed me. “And his shirt stretches nicely over-“

“Okay bride-to-be,” she was such a traitor.

“What? A girl can’t look?” Taz asks. She wraps an arm around my shoulder and leans in. “You don’t have to do this.”

“I know,” but with all these girls waiting on me to I didn’t have another choice. I just had to get over it. Plus I hadn’t kissed someone in over a year so I wasn’t complaining if he was cute. And Taz was right, from the back he was cute. “Fine.”

I step away from the crowd and they all gasp. They get ready for the show and so do I. I clear my throat, push my shoulders back—my cleavage looked great in this dress so I’m sure it wouldn’t hurt, and head over. My stomach drops with nerves but I take a deep breath and tap the bloke on the shoulder.

My lungs deflate like a released balloon when the face looking back at me is Harry. Harry the ex-texter.

He blinks, then blinks some more. Meanwhile I stand there staring.

“YN!?” Harry turns the barstool to face me. His neck must’ve started cramping.

“I-uh,” I glance back at the girls and they’re all pretending not to stare but it’s a bad attempt. They’re staring.

“It’s you-I-“ Harry stands up, it seems like he was going in for a hug but he thinks better of it almost immediately. “What are you doing here?”

“Hi,” I say lamely. I feel the shame of the last time we spoke. That YN feels like someone else. Someone people manipulated easily. Like him.

“I don’t know what’s going on,” he laughs nervously and his eyes roam up and down my body. He runs his fingers through his hair and looks back. “I think there’s a massive group of women there staring at us? Have you rounded up a gang to kick my-“

“Ignore them,” I quickly take a seat beside where he was sitting. He takes one last glance at them and sits back down.

“Can I get you a drink?”

“No no,” my mind is occupied. I couldn’t kiss him. This was the worst person in the world to have picked, why was he here damnit?

Then I remember why this area was familiar to me. His address was only a street or so over, this is close to where I’d picked him up that day.

“Actually, I’ll do a a vodka soda.”

He orders for me while I try to sort out my thoughts.

“So are you in a cult? Am I some sort of blood sacrifice?” Harry throws another glance over his shoulder.

I finally look at him. He looked good, of course he did. He’d decided to do something about those razor blades—he’d thrown them out; he sports a mustache and stubble. His hair is styled, nicer than it was when I met him. His eyes are murky waters and I don’t look at them too long. I spot the gym bag by his feet, so that’s why his shirt fit so well…

Omg.

“Actually,” I consider what he’d just said. “You’re not too far off.”

“Wait really?” His eyes bug out. “You’re joking.”

“Well the cult is actually a bridal party,” I say. “And the blood sacrifice is a number on our scavenger hunt.”

“Oh,” it dawns on him. “I’m fresh blood. You already have my number, wait is that why you came up to me?”

“No I actually didn’t even know it was you,” I say honestly. “They picked you out from the crowd.”

“Really?” Harry looks back, now intrigued that this group of women found him fit enough to pick out.

“Don’t let it get to your head,” I roll my eyes. My drink had landed in front of me so I take a sip.

“Well? You have my number right?” When I just nod he laughs. “Wait. You need something more.”

“Well obviously I’m going to lose this scavenger hunt,” I scowl. “Don’t worry.”

He chuckles and looks to the front, meanwhile I try not to squirm. Being around him wasn’t the best feeling, especially on my way to drunk. I felt hot with embarrassment and yet the intrigue of who he really was still stayed with me. And it stays because even now, despite not trusting him or liking him very much I felt like I had room to just be myself. He was an easy presence despite his baggage. Or maybe because of it.

It seems we were good at silences because we drink without saying a word. It’s like our brains are catching up to our sudden run-in.

“How have you been?” Harry asks quietly.

Fine, I’m going to say automatically. But I answer truthfully. “Alright. Life’s been better but also nobody’s tricked me into going to a cheating ex’s wedding so life’s been a lot worse!”

He laughs awkwardly and clinks his bottle against my glass. “Yeah. I deserve that.”

“Yeah. How about you?”

“Better. A lot better.”

“Good to hear,” I say genuinely. Despite my grievances it was nice to hear he was past whatever he’d been in when we first met.

“I think about you often,” he says while still looking forward. Oh god this felt like being in a car with him. I turn my body towards him and tap my knee against his. He looks at me, like we’re having an actual conversation. “I do. About what I did to you…I’m sorry.”

“Yeah you’ve said.”

“Yeah,” he grimaces. I wasn’t going to let him off the hook so easily. Being manipulated and lied to like that still stung. It was rock bottom for me in a way. “I was a dick. I’m deeply sorry and I’ve thought about how to make it up to you but I thought I should just stop texting you ever. Trust me that was rock bottom for me and you didn’t deserve to be dragged down with me.”

I try not to look surprised when he says it was his rock bottom, like I was thinking seconds earlier.

“You got one thing right,” I tap at his phone. I wasn’t going to tell him I forgave him, or that I understood even though I did. I didn’t like him very much, I didn’t trust him, but I knew he was sorry when he said it.

I remember the wedding—there was something I wanted to apologize for, “Well now that we’re unloading apologies, I am actually sorry for uhm, slapping you that night? That’s not me. And I don’t know where it came from! I feel bad about that.”

His laugh is quiet, to himself. “You shouldn’t be apologizing for anything. Anything at all YN.”

God, the way he says my name is addictive. He said it like everyone else, but in his voice…

“I know. But that crossed a line…”

“Nah don’t worry. Plus I don’t mind when a woman slaps me around a little,” his face splits into a grin when I give him the reaction he was looking for.

“Harry,” I scold. “You’re teaching children with that mouth?”

“That’s why I’m quitting.”

“You’re quitting!?”

“Yep. Phase 3 of my plan, to live the life I want. I’m finishing the school year and looking for a job in my field over the summer.”

“Wow,” I was impressed. “Wow Harry. Good luck with that.”

“Yeah I’ll need it thanks.” The way he looks at me makes me nervous. I think I’ve been single a bit too long. And right on cue he asks: “So YN how about you? Are you still doing your single thing?”

“I feel like you’re still talking about it like you don’t believe in it,” I tell myself to calm down every time he says my name.

“No I-“ he plays with his bottle. “I believe you. I’ve tried it, it’s been good for me. But I started dating again this year and I found I really love that too.”

“Yeah?” I ask him more about it. He tells me he’s dating knowing what he wants now. What kind of woman he’s looking for.

I felt like focusing on myself has helped me with that too. The only issue is I was finding it hard to open myself up to men again.

“I haven’t been dating much,” at all. “But I’m open to it now.”

“Show anyone your mean side lately?” He jokes but in there is a serious question.

“That’s only reserved for you,” I say, then realize how flirty it sounds and clamp down on my tongue. Maybe I should stop drinking. I didn’t even know Harry very well. But when I peek a glance he looks flushed.

I liked this version of Harry better. I wonder if he was like this before, before he had his heart broken, or even before he started dating Vanessa. But I don’t tell him that, I didn’t want him to think we were friends or anything.

We fall into silence again, not an uncomfortable one though. I look at him, he looked the same but different. Like a change had taken place underneath the surface. I imagine he’s studying me the same way. He smiles and I return it.

A body pushing into the side of me interrupts us. Dots is there with Taz and they wave the bartender down for a drink even though they could’ve ordered from the table. I roll my eyes and turn to them.

“Hi,” I look between them. Dots looks mischievous as usual and Taz seems curious.

“Aren’t you going to introduce us YN?” Dots asks.

“Oh, this is Harry,” I eye Taz when I say it. She’s a bit slow but when I introduce them to Harry it dawns on her. Her face darkens as she pinpoints who he is.

“Harry is it?” Taz asks. “I’ve never met a Harry I liked.”

Dots looks over at her like she’s grown another head, clued out and assuming I was still here to kiss him.

“Oh well…” Harry looks just as confused at her sudden intensity. “I hope I can change your mind about that?”

“Too late for that,” she nearly spits out. I watch his eyes widen and then go to me. I’m biting back a smile.

“Taz, right you’re Taz.” He sounds like he remembers her.

“And I’m Dots,” Dots repeats. Poor girl was clueless. “We’re just doing a bachelorette thing and YN seemed to think you were cute enough to ditch us right?”

“Really?” Harry takes pleasure in playing along.

“Well no I—ow!” Dots interrupts me by smashing her elbow into me. I sigh. “Right. Yeah. You were irresistible, I had to ditch my friends for a man like you.”

“Sarcasm,” Harry says just low enough for me to hear. He’s smiling.

“YN you should come back,” Taz tries to grab my arm but Dots is like a pro as she cuts that off.

“No we’re just doing the same thing back there. Talking and drinking. You two enjoy. You should give him your number here.” She drops a sharpie in my hand. “Let’s go Taz.”

I try to warn Taz with my expression, please don’t tell anyone I know him. None of these girls knew I went to Ethan’s wedding, it was an embarrassing story on my timeline I didn’t need to share. I didn’t want them to know the story of how I knew Harry.

“Your friends are scary.”

“I guess,” I turn back to him. My drink was nearly empty and I did think it was time to go back. “I should go back to them.”

“Oh,” he looks disappointed.

“What?”

“I thought we were having a nice time.”

“Yeah well we were catching up. And now my drink’s finished and I’m-“

“I can buy you another?”

“I think I’ve had enough. This is our third place on our night crawl so…”

“Fair.” Harry looks at me like he has something to say. I stand there and wait but in the end he just sighs and sits back down.

“Oh yeah I’m going to write my number,” I grab his arm and pull his sleeve up. Holy muscles. “on your arm. If that’s alright?”

“Sure,” he smiles and his dimples make an appearance. It’s boyish, like we’re teenagers exchanging numbers.

I write it down even though he had it, cap the marker, and look up. We’re so close; his eyes flit to my mouth and away so quickly I almost miss it.

“I’ll get this tattooed,” Harry jokes.

“I’ll change my number if you do,” I warn him. He just shrugs like he didn’t believe me and I shake my head, turning back to my friends.

I get back to a group of disappointed women. They give me a hard time and tell me how upset they are that I don’t care about Taz winning. They try to tell me how good we looked together, how I looked with him.

“We’re not leaving until you kiss him,” Felicity says.

“Leave her alone! He smelled like bad news,” Taz says. She was well past drunk now so no one listens to her.

“Ethan was bad news,” Fels states. “This guy is just a random man you can kiss and invite as a plus one. Have some fun with him. Get back into the pool where all the fish are. C’mon YN we know your dating life is shite!”

“Remind me to never get drunk with you lot,” I stare at them. They were scary. “I gave him my number, at least Taz can cross that out!”

“Wait! Harry!” Everyone begins to shout his name as they spot him leaving behind me.

I catch him turning with a wary expression. He points to himself. The girls shout “Yes!” and earn some dirty looks from the other patrons.

He walks up to our table like a sacrifice to an ancient ritual. “You ladies need something?”

“Yes,” a few voices say but Felicity is the loudest. She points to Taz who has her head down on the table. I should check on her.

“See this beautiful creature here? She’s getting married! Married! And we have a scavenger hunt. And she can almost win! But she needs to kiss someone at the bar. But she’s getting married! And you look decent enough to help this bride-to-be! So YN her wonderful friend is helping out. And she chickened out up there. So she wants to kiss you. Does she have your permission?”

“Does she?” He turns to me. God I was helpless with the pressure around me. My eyes lock onto Harry and I hope he can read the help etched into them.

“This is silly,” I tell him. “We don’t need to do this. I don’t think Taz even cares.”

“I don’t!” I guess she was conscious because she lifts her head to answer me. But everyone crowds her out, her cousin actually guides her head back down.

“You owe her a kiss,” Dots says proudly.

“I owe her a lot actually,” Harry says to me. My heart races as we look at each other.

I would be lying if I said the idea of kissing him doesn’t intrigue me. He was attractive! And his facial hair made him more so. But I didn’t want to complicate anything.

What’s there to complicate? I ask myself. It’s not like he’s in your life. Plus maybe this will be the push to start dating again. Kisses are nice right?

“Okay whatever,” I take a step towards him. “It’s not like this means anything. It’s just a kiss.”

A cheer goes up with the group.

Harry drops his bag to the floor and takes the other step to me. “It doesn’t mean anything?”

“No,” I say more to myself. “It’s just a kiss with a guy.”

“Just a kiss with a guy,” Harry repeats. “If you say so.”

His hand reaches up to my neck and he pulls me gently to him, with his height I crane my face up and his warm lips come down on mine exactly how I imagined it would feel. That’s when I realize I had imagined how he would feel. But it’s too late by then.

It feels like hearing music live for the first time, I can suddenly hear every atom of the song. I can feel it, taste it, even smell the soundwaves pounding through the room. That’s what the kiss feels like. Ultrasonic and consuming as hell.

He’s gentle but I can tell he’s holding back with the way his hand grips the back of my head tight. And that sends my senses into overdrive. Even though his moustache is a bit tickly, he was a really good kisser.

When we part, I laugh because I’m nervous but also he has lipstick on his face.

“That was hot,” someone in the group says but we can’t take our eyes off of each other. I’m trying to remember how to breathe and it seems like Harry is doing the same.

“You have-“ I laugh nervously again and reach up to wipe the lipstick from the side of his mouth. This close his pupils are blown out and it only confirms to me that he was holding back. Because he looks like a man who can barely contain himself.

“Uhm,” he finally breaks his gaze to look at all the women staring. “I hope that was satisfactory enough.”

“That was movie worthy,” everyone begins shouting scores out. Some of then fan themselves with the menu. Harry clears his throat, picks up his bag, does an awkward half-bow, and stiffly nods to me.

“G’night YN.”

“Yeah…thanks.” I didn’t know what to say after having the most intense kiss of my life. To Harry. The ex-texter.

“I need some water after that,” Felicity climbs over me out of the booth and I slide in by Taz.

“I’m sorry,” she wraps her arms around my shoulder. “We have really shitty friends.”

“You have amazing friends,” Dots says. “We just broke YN’s dry spell. Did you see that? That was chemistry YN. That was wow. I hope you got his number.”

“I have it,” I sigh.

I decide I was going to drink more. I didn’t want to remember this night anymore.

***

It’s the Friday after and I’m at work, it’s a slow day so I’m scrolling through my phone when a notification pops up.

Hi

It was Harry.

Hi. I text back. I’d been thinking about him a lot this week, about the kiss, and about dating again. I wouldn’t admit it to my friends but it was a reminder that chemistry existed somewhere out there.

I don’t want our whole relationship to be wedding crashing so I want to run something past you.

???

Your friend Felicity invited me to Taz’s wedding. Tomorrow. She said you knew but you haven’t texted me all week so I think she’s setting you up?

I couldn’t believe it. I text Felicity and she responds immediately with a kissy emoji and a tongue sticking out.

I’m sorry I didn’t know, Fels just confirmed. You don’t need to come she’s just on this mission to get me a date.

She said you have a flaky boyfriend?

Oh my god the lie had spread. So embarassing, I was going to strangle Fels.

Really I’m alright. Sorry about that.

I would like to see you again. Even if it’s at a wedding. But I’ll only go if you invite me.

Wow. I read the message another time then put my phone away. What was I supposed to do?

I take my phone into the toilets and call Taz. She picks up, it sounds like she’s in a car.

“Hi you free?”

“Yeah I’m just getting back from the salon, what’s going on?”

I tell her. I tell her it all, the conversation Harry and I had and how I was feeling and what Felicity did.

“That one does not know how to keep her nose out of people’s businesses.”

“I know,” I groan. “I could not invite him and get a million questions from everyone who knows Fels invited him. And I keep him out of my life. Which is fine because I barely know him (even though that kiss felt like I’ve known him for all of eternity). But if I invite him, I’m telling him I’m okay with what he did to me. That we’re okay.”

“YN listen,” she sighs. She says something to someone on her end and I hear a car door close. “Look—sorry just getting in. You’re not that person anymore. I don’t trust him more than you do but just tell him that. So he knows you’re only taking him to get everyone to shut up. Like…use him as a date like he used you.”

“Hm,” that was a good point. “Yeah. That could actually work?”

“Really? I thought I was just saying shite,” Taz laughs. “Okay I really have to go my in-laws are here. Are you alright?”

“Yeah yeah you focus on your stuff. I’ll be by this evening.”

“Love you, bye!”

I call Harry immediately after. He doesn’t pick up so I go back to my desk and consider what to text him when he calls back.

“YN I was still in class sorry.”

“Oh god sorry I forgot!” I look at the time. “Sorry I just assumed you were free.”

“No it’s alright,” he answers. “Are you calling about tomorrow?”

“Yeah…” my mouth is suddenly parched. I get up and walk away from where people could hear me. “So, the thing is my friends are giving me a hard time because I don’t have a date and all that. So sort of the way you used me as a date at that wedding, I could use you at this one. Like if would be doing me a favour?” I cringe as the words come out.

“Oh. Sure…yeah if you want.” He sounds…offended?

“Like if we’re being honest we’ve not really spoken since that night. And I have no reason to trust you and whatever. So this is just…”

“Returning the favour.” He puts it simply.

“Yeah? Yeah! Right. Exactly.” Why was this coming out so horribly.

“I get it,” he says. “I’m glad we talked. I’d be happy to be your plus one tomorrow.”

“Perfect,” I find myself smiling.

***

Taz’s wedding is a dream. An absolute dream. I tell her a million times after the ceremony and I gush to her how much I love her and am proud of her during speeches. Her bridesmaids give their toast, and every person who was at the bachelorette makes sure to tease me about bringing Harry who had been nothing but supportive tonight. He stuck to himself when I was doing maid-of-honour duties, and squeezed my hand encouragingly before my speech because public speaking was not my favourite thing. I had to admit it was nice to have someone here just for me. It had been a while.

When Taz told me she got engaged a couple years ago I always thought it would be Ethan by my side. It was weird that Harry was here, because of Ethan, but also the way he came to be here.

“Hi!!” I shout at Harry after doing shots with the bridesmaids. I was officially tipsy but most of the major wedding traditions were over. We were waiting for the cake cutting and bouquet toss and the first dance. And then it was all fun.

“Hi,” he holds out an arm to guide me to my seat.

“I hate these heels,” I unstrap my feet and groan when I put my feet on the bare floor. “That feels sooo good.”

“Hi!” A chirpy voice says to my right. I peek an eye open and groan again, Felicity has joined the table.

“Hi, Felicity right?” Harry says.

“Fels,” she nudges me. “You glad he came?”

“Whatever,” I shrug.

“She’s happy you came,” Fels tries to make up for my rudeness. “She’s not usually this rude.”

“I find that hard to believe,” Harry says. I cut him a look.

“Oh no she’s very nice. She’s just a bit grumpy probably all the maid of honour duties,” she tries to convince a Harry that’s just sharing an inside joke with me. It does something to me.

“It’s okay,” I put a hand on Fels’. “He’s teasing. I’m allowed to be rude to him.”

Harry laughs and Felicity realizes too late she was sitting in on two people that didn’t need her help to get along.

“Well I’m going to find my date, play nice!”

“Nice suit,” I tug at Harry’s lapels once she’s gone. It was nicer than what he wore the last time we met.

“I borrowed it from a friend. I only have one suit and…well you’ve seen it.”

“Teachers don’t wear suits to work?” I tease.

“Thank god no.” His eyes roam over my bridesmaid dress, an off the shoulder sage dress that honestly reminded me of a folky tinkerbell. “You look beautiful.”

“Flattery won’t get you extra points.” I say whilst flattered. The dress had also reminded me of the colour of his eyes when he greeted me today. Now his eyes stay on me all evening.

The announcement for cake cutting goes off so I walk with Harry to watch. Taz looked beautiful in her embroidered dress and she glows even while narrowly missing cake all over her face. Everyone toasts and she readies for a bouquet toss.

“You’re standing here,” Taz’s cousin centres me. “Because there’s no way I’m catching that.”

“I don’t even have a boyfriend,” I say but the other girls crowd me so I stay put. The bouquet is tossed high and I don’t make much of an effort but it glances off the hand in front of me and lands on me. I squish it against me to keep it from falling.

“YN!” My friends tease me and I hold it up in mock excitement. Taz laughs from up front and I go up to hug her, I’m handed another flute of champagne and I toss it back with my best friend.

“YN’s next,” one of the bridesmaid says. “Cheers!”

I get another drink and down it with the girls. I can’t stop laughing about it. I try to look out for Harry to see how he feels about the bouquet but he must be in a darker corner. I don’t spot him.

I refuse the next drink pushed my way and move to my seat as the couple gets ready for their first dance. Harry’s not there but he sits down shortly after I do.

“Look!” I show him the bouquet. “I caught it!”

“I saw,” he smells the flowers. “I got a picture of you.”

“Let me see!” I hold my hand out and wait for him to find it.

“Oh my god,” I laugh as I zoom into my face as the flowers hit me. “Look at my face! And look at her! This is a great pic…” the words die on my lips. I’d accidentally swiped to the camera roll zooming out and I see dozens of photos of me.

“Oh,” Harry takes the phone from me. “Is that creepy? Sorry I was taking photos to send you since you’re busy having fun I-“

I feel tears threaten my makeup and I clench my mouth closed. Despite all the drinks I suddenly feel incredibly sobered.

I take his phone back and swipe through, he recorded my speech and took a million photos of me with Taz. My chin trembles.

“Hey I’m sorry,” Harry takes the phone back. “I didn’t mean to upset you I’ll delete-“

“No!” I stop him. “Don’t. I want all of them.”

“Why are you…” his confusion is all over his face. “Are you upset?”

“No,” I blink away any tears. “Sorry. No. I’m okay! I’m alright.”

It was stupid but Ethan never took photos of me. Even on important days like birthdays, Christmas, holidays. I had a million candid photos of him but I had to beg and remind him for photos of me. Harry took so many without even asking, just because he knew I would want to look back on the memories I was making. It was such a basic thing to do but it felt like the world to me in this moment.

“Thank you.” I say when he doesn’t make a move. “Honestly thank you. Sorry, ignore what my face is saying! But make sure you send every single one okay?”

“Yeah I will,” he promises. He swipes a fallen tear with a gentle smile. I draw back from his touch and use a napkin to dab at my eyes instead.

“YN you know I’m really sorry,” he says just as the first song comes on.

“No I’m fine!” I shift my chair to face the dancefloor. I position it slightly ahead of Harry so he leans forward to speak to me.

“I mean about the other wedding we went to.”

“Yeah I-“ he looks serious so I stop what I was saying. I turn slightly so I can look at him. “Can we talk about it later?”

“Yeah,” he shakes his head. “I didn’t mean to…”

“Okay,” I smile and turn back to admire the couple but I can sense the emotional turmoil beside me. I push my chair back enough to be side by side with Harry. I lean my head on his shoulder as I watch the married couple dance the first dances of many. When Harry puts his arm around me, his thumb rubs my shoulder. A finger pokes my arm and Dots face pops in beside me to waggle her eyebrows. Was everyone watching me with Harry tonight?!

When the DJ invites everyone else onto the dancefloor I pull Harry up.

“So what was it you were saying?” I ask as we wrap arms around each other.

“I like you a lot YN. A lot. Even when we first met, I started liking you right when you returned my bullshit with sarcasm. You rolled with all my jokes. It was a breath of fresh air.”

I don’t say anything; he had more to say.

“I wish I didn’t do what I did. I sabotaged everything because I was hung up over the wrong girl. And now I’m just a guy to you. A guy you kissed once, I’m just a favour returned.”

“Why are you telling me this now?” I ask.

“Just in case you felt anything, if you thought we could…”

“Harry you lied to me. Embarrassed me. You weren’t a very nice person.”

“I know-“

“I do like this Harry better.”

“Uhm,” he thinks. “Thanks. It’s old Harry, before my life went to hell. Old Harry mixed with some lessons learned. I’m telling you I was at rock bottom when I did what I did.”

“I believe you.” I did.

He sighs in relief. “Thank you.”

We dance quietly for a bit. Until I speak, “I’m trying not to date losers.”

He flexes his jaw, fixating on a spot behind my shoulder.

“I thought you were one,” I tell him honestly. “But I’m not so sure now. But this feels like asking a lot Harry I…”

“You don’t need to respond now,” he urges. “Just think about it.”

“I can’t,” I was terrified of agreeing to a relationship that would hurt me all over again. “I do like you Harry but I don’t know if I can agree to what you want…”

The truth was that Harry was showing me that the glimpses I’d gotten of him throughout the last week were more telling, more consistent than the guy he was when we first met. I was deathly afraid of getting hurt again, and I’m not sure I was willing to take the risk. If that kiss was any indication, I know Harry was telling the truth on his end but I didn’t want a relationship with a guy who started it off by lying.

“I’m-excuse me,” Harry stops mid-dance and walks away. I feel awful but I let him go, watch him disappear to the lobby, and I sit back in my seat. Dots tries to wave me by but I ignore her. The lump in my throat sits heavily and I feel like shit. Especially when a few dances later Harry returns and announces he was going home early. His face is splotchy and it feels awful.

“Are you sure?” I ask him.

“Yeah,” he holds my arm. “Thank you for tonight, and again I’m really sorry about everything.”

I just pull him into a hug, with no words equivalent to what I should say. He squeezes once and lets go.

“Tell Taz thank you for the invite. I’ll see you around.”

“Okay…bye Harry.”

That’s the last I see of him. I head right to the drinks and drink enough to feel okay. I dance with my friends and get as many pictures as my phone can handle in.

At the end of the night I go home to an empty flat and drunkenly download all the dating apps I swore off of. Swiping through like a catalogue, by the time I wake up the next morning I’m well on my way back to the dating scene.

***

I stare at the man in front of me. His profile on the app was exactly the kind of guy I was looking for. And he’d actually made me laugh a few times tonight which was a bonus. But something feels like it’s missing—they all have this last month as I became a serial dater. I was really putting myself out there but nobody made it past date two.

“So how about heading out?” He asks after the bill.

“Yeah! Sure,” I grab my purse and we walk out. He grabs my hand as we step out.

“Want to share a ride?”

“Are we going to the same place?” I ask.

“If you want,” he pulls my hand and places it on his shoulder. He was cute, I could kiss him.

And I do, but it’s just a kiss. Just two mouths kissing. I don’t feel the spark, or the passion.

“Actually,” I pull away. “I forgot I have an early morning meeting so I think I should behave and head home by myself.”

“Oh,” he looks disappointed. “Well maybe we can do something on Friday?”

“Yeah I’ll text you?”

He pecks my lips, “Sounds good.”

I get a car and as I drive away from the date my hands stray to my lips. I remember another kiss, and then I slam the door shut on it. You can’t keep comparing all your kisses to that one!

Except the thing about telling my mind not to think about something, I do. I think about Harry, and question myself like I have been ever since the wedding if I made the wrong choice. Did I push him away too quickly, out of fear? Am I protecting myself or just scared?

I open the text exchange between us like I do weekly and hover my fingers over the keyboard. What do I say? What could I say?

I scroll to the top of the conversation and find his address and plug it into my phone. I was 18 minutes away.

“Excuse me could I change the drop off?” I ask the taxi driver. “I had a change of plans.”

He asks me where and he knew the area enough to take the left and head in that direction.

That was very impulsive. Maybe I shouldn’t have done that?

Adrenaline courses through my body as I pray that he still lived in the same place. What was I going to say?

My leg bounces up and down as I stare out the window, biting down on my lip. This was stupid, I made him bloody cry the last time I saw him. Then again I cried the time before that. Were we equal? Was I twisted enough to think this could all work?

I nearly jump out of the taxi after paying and walk to the front door. Of course, you needed a key card.

With shaking fingers I call Harry.

“Hello?”

I freeze. He was out, the sounds of people and music give that away.

“YN? Is that you?”

I was so stupid! Why did I do this?

“YN?” Now Harry sounds worried. I take a deep breath.

“Sorry! Wrong number. I meant to call som-“

“YN are you alright? Is everything okay?”

The background noise disappears. He must have stepped out.

“Yes sorry to worry you!” I squeak. “Everything’s fine.”

“Why did you call?” He asks as I ask “What are you doing right now?”

We laugh. Harry tells me, “You first.”

“It was an accident…”

“Oh well…a good accident.” I can hear his smile through the phone. “I was just grading final tests at my local pub.”

His local pub…that meant he was close by. I think. My heart picks up speed. “Oh! Is that something you do often?”

“Yeah some of these papers remind me why I’m quitting this job. So I drink to get through them.”

“Giving up on the youth of tomorrow?” I ask. I spot a bench a little ways away and head to it, next to a bike rack.

“Yes!” Harry laughs. “They’ve given up on me too. They’s all assholes nobody listens to me.”

“I would’ve liked to have you as a teacher,” I go for flirting. “None of my grade school teachers were good looking. I could’ve used a distraction.”

“So you’re admitting that I’m good looking,” Harry says just as I spot him heading to his door.

“Yeah in your grey t-shirt, I think so.”

I watch as he whips his head around and scans the area until he spots me.

“I lied,” I get up and wave at him. “I came by to see you but I was embarrassed when you weren’t home.”

“Why-“ his voice sticks. “Why did you come to see me?”

“Well,” by now we’re close enough that I could shout to him but I still use the phone. “I thought about what I said that night and I think I was too harsh.”

“And?” Harry stares at me as I walk up to him.

“And I want to believe that a second impression can be just as important as a first.”

He’s alight in a second, hope injected into his features. I stop a few feet away from him.

“I’ll take that. I’ll take it.”

“Okay,” I move in closer, lowering my phone. My eyes are on his lips and I don’t care that how badly I want to kiss him is plain as day. Because in the moment he reaches for me I know he wants this just as bad.

My mind is wiped clean when he kisses me—I kind of hate myself of a month ago for denying me of this all this time.

It’s indecent, the way we kiss out there. When my mind returns to my body I push him away, flushed and nervous.

“Should we take this up to your place?”

“Why? Are you getting shy?” He teases.

“Your neighbours are getting free entertainment,” I’m out of breath as I talk and this seems to make Harry smile even harder. He presses a hard kiss to me and then leads me by the hand up to his flat. We’re on each other with every pause we take, it’s gross and unlike me but I’m just too happy to stop. The spark, the passion, everything I’d been looking for is here.

“Can I uh,” Harry closes the door behind us as I continue kissing him, my lips finding any part of him. “Can I get you something to drink?”

“Sure,” I watch him unbutton my cardigan. “I’ll take a tall glass of whatever you’re serving.”

He smirks and pulls me back in. I jump when he tells me to and he carries me to wherever his bedroom is. I’m barely in the right state of mind to notice anything as I get lost in us. In the way his hands hold me, and the way his moustache feels on my skin. Maybe it’s been a while or maybe it was him but having this after so long makes it taste sweeter than it ever had.

***

“Happy six months,” Harry wraps his arms around me from behind. I’m making us coffee, we were up especially early because we were making the trip to see Harry’s family for the holidays. Usually this is when I went to Taz’s but this year she’d urged me to spend the time with my boyfriend’s family.

She’d been suspicious when I first told her about Harry. But when she saw how happy I was she’d given it her blessings (and I’m pretty sure threatened Harry with some dismemberment). I hadn’t had a big Christmas in a while, and Harry said he had more family coming into town. I was nervous to meet so many new people, people that meant a lot to Harry. But he assured me everyone would love me.

“Happy six month,” I reach up to peck his lips and settle against him. He hums as he tightens his arms around me. I couldn’t believe this was my life now, I was happier than I ever dared to think I could be. I never knew a relationship could be so complementing, so grounding.

Despite our rocky start, that Harry and I had discussed in depth when we first started dating, we were mostly smooth sailing. The way I saw it we met as two damaged people. Somehow we parted from there and ran like parallel lines until we were straightened out enough to meet again. And now we ran together as a pair of lines.

“I’m so lucky,” Harry presses a kiss to my temple, thinking the same thing I had been. “I’m the luckiest guy in the world YN. You make me the luckiest guy in the world.”

“Then that would make me Mrs. Luckiest-Guy-in-the-World,” I joke as I turn in his embrace.

“I’d like that,” he strokes my cheek. “I’m excited to introduce you to everyone tonight.”

“That makes one of us.”

“YN I promise there’s nothing to be nervous about. They already love you because they know you’re the reason I’ve been so…me.”

I swallow the ball of emotion in my chest. We were both just us around each other. No fuss, no pretending. Just us. It wasn’t something I could share with my own family, they barely knew what I was really like. Harry had met my parents separately when they were in town a couple months ago. They’d liked him, but they also liked Ethan so it wasn’t saying much.

“I trust you,” I hold his face in my hands. “Fine.”

“Good,” his hand rubs my back. He pulls me into his chest, crushing me against him until the coffee goes off.

“Thanks love,” Harry says as I hand him a mug.

We chat about nothing as we take our coffees to the couch where we sit snuggled. I feel safe here, it’s a good feeling, a feeling that felt so overwhelmingly new sometimes that it made me want to cry. Which always made Harry laugh.

“I can’t wait to spend this new year together,” I tell him.

“Me too,” his lips press softly onto my temple. “I’m finally excited about the future. I’m doing a job I like and dating a woman I love.”

“I’m happy for us.” I smile up at him.

We sit snuggled on the couch as we sip our morning coffee. I savour everything about this moment.

With Harry life was stable, it was good. I knew I would never pick up my phone and find a text so life-shattering like the ex-text had done to me; I know it was impossible to predict the future but somehow I could tell you that I had a good feeling about it.

———————————

TAGLIST: @tiaamberxx @cherryshouse

[kkat-astrophic]

RAMBLE TIME YAY!!!

Bro I genuinely give up on reasoning with my parents at this point, especially my mum. I don't need phone time, and we've had it for two years and it isn't working, you get mad at me every time I "break a rule" but it's just finding loopholes because I'm done with this shit. Like I don't want to talk about my phone usage at the moment, I don't care what limits you give me because at the end of the day if I use an app for more than 20 minutes a day you're putting on a limit. Just because I don't want to talk about it right now doesn't give you the right to put settings on all of my apps and lock my phone as soon as you're not happy with how I reply.

I don't care about it. I don't actually fucking care about the limits, I could not care less. I know I'll find loopholes anyway, like I always do. I have three different ways to get onto tumblr even if you block it on my phone, excluding my laptop. I can just use google and go on the web version of most apps, and if you block or time limit google I can just use the internet app to browser search for it. Block that too? I have the password.

My mum says that she's tired of "micro managing" me but she gives me no freedom, and any room to move that she gives me is overshadowed by "I don't trust you enough to let you do that".

It's so difficult trying to reason with parents, especially a TEACHER parent, who thinks that just because she's in the education industry, that she knows best and is automatically correct in any assumptions she makes.

I honestly hate it.

She locked my phone for no reason just now, because I didn't want to TALK about my phonetime while I was doing something else! I ask her to talk about loosening the restrictions and rules and she says "after this, after this, no I don't feel like it." but she's not giving me a chance to do the same?

And don't get me started on when she thinks I'm FAKING my WORRIES because of the INTERNET! I came to her super worried and upset because she's my mum, parents know everything they just have to always be there and usually they are. And I told her I was worried something was wrong with me, and she doesn't reassure me and say "no this is normal blah blah blah" she tells me I go through phases of reading something online and then "developing symptoms" and faking it.

Like I was 11 the last time I did something like that, and I regret it so much I actually cry every time I think about it, second-hand embarassment exists don't be stupid as a kid.

And like... then she follows up with "if you want to see a therapist we can book you in for one" ... now that you tell me you think I'm faking you want me to make you "waste money" on a therapist. You said my problems are non-existent and put me through this spiral of denial and confusion just to tell me "oh by the way, if they're not then we can see somebody about this issue! :D"

I don't WANT to anymore.

Like literally yesterday I waited for 30 minutes for food and was too scared to ask if they were preparing it. (AT A BBQ GUYS, A FRICKING BBQ!) LIKE I ALMOST CRIED WHILE ASKING?? And I'm legitimately the most extroverted person on the planet.

I've been taking mild stress medication every day before school, and I've been taking tablets to sleep every now and then. BECAUSE I BELIEVE SOMETHING MAY BE WRONG WITH ME!!! And if you can't support me when I THINK that, then how are you going to go if something really does happen?!

Idk bro maybe I'm overthinking all of this but I just can't anymore with this.

[asmallpinkfan3]

Modern time Death having a phone and having TikTok with his s/o hc’s!

Totally not inspired by me watching TikTok in the bathroom.

GN reader, who kind of has Gen z humor cause I’m gen z.

You somehow convinced the wolf to get a phone, how you did it was simple.

“Babe please could you at least get a phone because I wanna send you photos of random things in the house while your gone”?

He agreed and soon enough you spammed him with random messages of, “hey can you run by the store and get some soap we’re out”. “I love you”. “AMERICA RAWWW 🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🦅🦅🦅”. He was so confused when you sent him the American one.

He takes selfies of him in random places after collected a soul and oh my god he has that face book dad angle.

He also sends you pictures of random animals sitting in nature being absolutely beautiful.

He once sent a picture of two random wolves together and he was said under the picture: “us”?

You have him under alpha in your phone cause why not.

He has you under “my amor”.

His user on tiktok is literally “death.straight.up.”

He likes all your vids.

Your his first follower on the app, and moot.

You send him videos of that spinning cow with the polish song in background.

If you post art videos on their he compliments all of them.

He doesn’t post anything on his account.

He got into an fight on their with an 11 year old after they called his user “edgy wanna be”.

Sometimes you send him cat videos with the caption “please can we get a cat”? And he’s always like “no”.

He reposts nature videos.

If you like rug cleaning videos, ( just like me) he sends you all the ones that he sees on his fyp.

Any romantic TikTok you see you send it to him and your like “us Fr”.

He had to ask you what Fr meant.

Yk those videos where people are on the ground pretending to be wolves with the song in the background “I’m the alpha I’m the leader in the one to trust”. You spam him with those when your bored.

you you will fall asleep on him watching a cleaning video at 3 in the morning.

And he just puts your phone on the charger and just snuggles up with you in your bed.

You send photos of what your cooking before he gets home and your like “we are having ‘food’ tonight hope that’s ok with you”.

He sends back a 👍.

[lunafiorewrites]

The statement of Charlie Fisher about the preternatural incident that occurred on August 11, 1999.

Read on: AO3||Medium

Content Warnings: body horror, eating things one shouldn't

[Recording Begins]

<Tape recorder clicks on. A metal fan whirs in the background. Cloth rubs against wood. Someone clears their throat.>

Charlie: So <pause> do I just tell you what happened or <pause> I don’t even know what to say or if it was real or —

Bertie: Just a moment. <clears throat> For the record, my name is Bertie <sigh> Bertha Batson. Today is September 2, 1999, and I am here with Charlotte —

Charlie: Charlie is fine. I’ve never much liked Charlotte. Always thought it was too much for me.

Bertie: Hm. Yes. Charlie suits you better. Where were we — ah, yes. I am here with Charlie Fisher to record her version of the events that happened on August 11, 1999. Note: a formal statement was given by Ms. Fisher to the Darkwood Sheriff’s Office, but they are unlikely to follow up any further. A copy of the report will be included with this statement file. <paper shuffling> You may begin.

Charlie: Oh, right now? I <nervous laugh> I don’t know where to start. Honestly, I don’t even know why I’m here. Wyatt told me I might want to make another statement and I didn’t really want to but I just…I don’t know, I was walking down the street after getting a coffee from Diane’s — a hot coffee with caramel and whipped cream, I don’t know how Evelyn always manages to know what I want without me saying it but —

Bertie: <clears throat>

Charlie: Sorry. I just didn’t expect to come here but I…did.

Bertie: Perhaps you’d like to get this off your chest. Knowledge can be a hefty burden.

Charlie: Do you always take weird statements then? Like I know Darkwood has some messed up stories but I didn’t think things like this actually happen. Definitely not to me.

Bertie: I take statements from anyone who wishes.

Charlie: <deep breath> Okay. I guess I should get on with mine then. I, um, suppose I should start with the end of the school year. It was the last week. I’m going to be a Senior next year. Pop’s been harping on me to take things serious. To think about what I’m going to put on my college apps. Tells me if I don’t, I’ll be stuck here like them and there ‘ain’t much for a girl my age but waitressin’ and fishin’ if I had the stomach for it.’ He’s not wrong, I guess, so I wanted to have a little fun. Party a little on the weekends. Sneak out and go to the gas station, smoke a little behind the dumpsters. I mean, teenage stuff, really. I’m sure my dad got up to some things too.

Bertie: As all teenagers do.

Charlie: Right! Unfortunately, I, um, got involved in a…situation. I’m sure everyone knows about it by now. Small town and all. Someone got hurt. None of us meant for it to happen but for Pop, it was a last straw. He decided I should spend my summer giving back to the community. He signed me up to volunteer at the turtle hospital. You know that place?

Bertie: The Darkwood Sea Turtle Hospital and Rescue, run by Caretta Chelonde and established in February of 1970.

Charlie: Yeah. He signed me up to volunteer there. We’ve done the turtle walks before when I was a kid…when Ma was still alive. I used to love searching for nests. Marking them off so folks wouldn’t hurt them, and putting up barriers to protect them from predators. Always felt like I was doing something important. And every year, when it was time for them to hatch, we’d go in the middle of the night and wait. Even if it took multiple nights, we’d go and just wait for them to hatch. Somehow, I think it always happened during a full moon. The whole beach would light up and you could see the tiny shapes moving through the sand down to the water. <sighs> Sorry, I got off track again.

Bertie: It’s fine, Charlie. This is your story. Tell it.

Charlie: Right. <pause> Ms. Caretta was happy to have me even though I wasn’t happy to be there. I thought losing my entire summer was unfair, but I thought at the time ‘at least he wasn’t taking me out on the boat.’ I might have preferred fishing in the end. Anyway, I met Edwin during orientation. He is…was…a student at UNCW. Marine Biology. Said he originally moved from Asheville to be here, to be close to the sea. I remember when I asked him why the sea over the mountains, he told me they scared the hell out of him. <snorts> Maybe if he had lived in Darkwood, he would’ve run for the safety of the mountains.

<The sound of a paper cup being moved across the table. A pause. Someone sips their drink. Places the cup back down on the table.>

Charlie: We had from Diane’s down to pier three. About a two mile walk every morning, looking for nests. Edwin also brought equipment to clean up trash and we reported any beach equipment left behind. He always complained out loud about tourists not following rules and ruining the beaches. I rolled my eyes as if his ranting annoyed me, but I agreed with him. I’ve always hated how folks come and do whatever they like, not caring about the mess they leave behind. About the damage they can cause. But Darkwood isn’t very kind to tourists anyway. Did you know we have a high disappearance rate? Like, higher than most places especially since we’re small in terms of tourist spots.

Bertie: Doesn’t matter how little town is, not enough people respect the Sea, least of all, tourists.

Charlie: <snorts> You sound like dad.

Bertie: It’s the truth. The sea is not kind and will take as it sees fit, but that’s neither here nor there. You were doing the turtle walks.

Charlie: Right. Um, things were fine. Normal. We’d meet up at six in the morning every day, which I hated by the way, and we’d go for breakfast at Diane’s when we were done. He’d demolish a loaded omelette and french toast and talk my ear off about endangered turtle populations. I didn’t mind though. I kind of liked talking to him. Even told him about why I was volunteering. Thought that would change how he saw me, but he just shrugged and said, ‘everyone makes stupid mistakes, it’s about what you do after that matters.’ I laughed it off at the time, but I liked that he didn’t judge me harshly. Felt like he gave me more of a chance than my own Pop. I think I really started liking Edwin then. I thought maybe…well…you know…

Bertie: You had a crush on him.

<Shoes scuff against wood floor. Something thuds on the table.>

Charlie: Yeah, I did. Doubt anything would have come of it, but I liked to think it might. Maybe we’d keep in touch until I graduated and then I’d go to the same school, and we’d have an apartment together. All of that. Maybe it was stupid.

Bertie: Fairly normal for a girl your age.

Charlie: <blows out a breath> Yeah, maybe. Anyway, we finally found a nest and Edwin was so excited and though I didn’t say it out loud, I was too.

Bertie: Do you remember the date?

Charlie: Um… <fingers tapping against the table surface> early June, I think. The hospital should have the date logged because we called it in on the walkie talkie immediately.

Bertie: I see. <pen scratching against paper> Continue.

Charlie: We checked on that nest every day. Made sure no one messed with it or that no predators had managed to get to the eggs. Weirdly enough, no other nests showed up on our route. Usually there are a few, I mean sea turtles nest more than once a year, so I was surprised there were no other clutches close by when other volunteers reported having several. Edwin didn’t seem to mind. In fact, he seemed…I don’t know…strange once we found the nest.

Bertie: Strange, how?

Charlie: He just…sometimes he’d stop and stare at the nest and I’d have to do the rest of the walk alone, I’d come back and he was in the same place. As if he hadn’t moved that entire time. There were times he said how much he wished he could pull the eggs out of the sand, to hold them and study them. When I’d remind him that was illegal, he’d promise he was joking and smile at me but the smile…there was something wrong with it. With him. I didn’t look forward to meeting up with him anymore, everything about him just made me…uneasy.

Bertie: Did you tell anyone?

Charlie: I told Caretta, but she told me he was just excited. But I didn’t think so. Something felt off to me. I thought about going to Pop, but I knew he would just accuse me of trying to get out of it. When school started again, I thought I could stop. That Edwin could take over the walks since I had to be to class on time. There were no other nests and the season was almost over, you know? <sigh> But Pop had already told the school what I was doing and Caretta had sent over a letter, so they granted me late arrival privileges since my grades have never been a problem. I was stuck. Finishing what I started.

<Sound of someone drinking.>

Charlie: I couldn’t wait for these eggs to hatch. Then this would be over. Edwin would leave and that would be it. But he got weirder. He started sleeping on the beach weeks before the eggs would even hatch. We didn’t meet at Diane’s anymore. I’d find him at the nest, exactly where I left him the day before. I didn’t bother trying to talk to him anymore. He didn’t respond. Didn’t even look at me. I’d do the walks on my own and count down the days. Sometimes I’d walk by and I’d swear I heard him whispering to the nest, but he’d stop when I got too close. Then…um… <breathes shakily> that night happened.

Bertie: Do you need a moment?

Charlie: No, I’m fine, I think. I remember there was supposed to be an eclipse that day. Everyone was excited but, of course, it stormed all day so we couldn’t see it. I worried briefly about whether or not Edwin was okay, but I didn’t want to go there and find out either. I was feeling really tired so I went to bed early. The rain put me right to sleep but I woke in the middle of the night. Everything was dark. That really hazy kind of dark where you’re not sure if you’re completely awake. Edwin was there. Standing over me. I think I asked him what he was doing there, but when his mouth moved, I couldn’t hear him. I tried to move but I couldn’t. There was a pressure, it didn’t hurt, but it kept me pressed down into the bed. It didn’t go away until Edwin touched my cheek. Then I heard him loud and clear. “It’s time,” he said. I wanted to ask him ‘time for what’ but he was already walking out of my room. I thought it was all a dream really so I got out of bed and followed him down the hall to my front door. He opened it, gesturing for me to follow him. I did. I stepped out of my front door and right onto the damp sand of the beach, and when I turned to look behind me, my house wasn’t there.

Bertie: Refresh my memory, where do you live?

Charlie: Hill Road. Back towards Hafter’s Woods.

<Pen scratching against paper.>

Bertie: A few miles from the beach then.

Charlie: Yeah. I…somehow knew then that I wasn’t dreaming but I knew I possibly couldn’t have just…appeared there. But I felt the cold sand under my feet and the ocean smell…what is that called? Brine? Brine-y? It was stronger than normal. Like someone had dunked my head in a barrel of fish and shrimp and held it there. The night was clear but dark. I thought it was a new moon, but I looked up and saw the bright ring of light around the moon. There was no way the eclipse was happening in the middle of the night, but I was staring right at it. And I think it was staring back at me. There was…a sense of being watched. Not just watched but seen. The dark moon was like a giant eye, focused on me. Almost as if it was judging me. As if it knew everything about me there was to know. But it didn’t feel malicious. More…curious, I guess. Like it was wondering what I was going to do.

Charlie (cont’d): I heard the sand shifting and I finally broke eye contact, to see what Edwin was doing. He was digging into the sand to the nest. I think I was going to tell him to stop but I didn’t say anything at all. Like I knew whatever was going to happen was supposed to happen and I couldn’t do anything about it. So I just watched as he clawed through the sand to the clutch. The eggs looked like normal sea turtle eggs at first but as I looked closer I saw the black veins pulsating in the thin membrane under the shell. Something in my head screamed that I should destroy them. Stomp the shells until whatever was inside them was dead, but I couldn’t move at all. I could only watch as Edwin picked up the first one and <audibly swallows> popped it into his mouth.

<Charlie lets out a shaky breath.>

Charlie: I waited for him to chew it. To crunch the shell in his teeth and hatch whatever monster grew in that egg on his tongue, but he swallowed. Again and again. He tilted his head back as if he wanted me to watch the bulge in this throat move lower and lower. The sound of him swallowing and choking, I still hear it sometimes — if I let a room get silent enough. I even play music when I sleep now because I just…can’t <chokes back a sob> I can’t stand to hear it anymore.

<A chair scrapes. Light footsteps grow faint and then return. Something soft is placed on the table.>

Charlie: <sniffs> Thank you.

Bertie: We’re almost done, Charlie, keep going.

Charlie: One by one, he swallowed the eggs, and I watched every single one. I felt like I had to watch. I had to witness what was happening in front of me or I wasn’t…doing it right, I guess? His stomach started to bulge and expand with every egg until he looked like he was about to pop. Or hatch. There was one egg left. Edwin held it up to me. His eyes, they…they were black and his pupils were ringed with that orange light just like the moon. He smiled as he offered me the egg. I, um… <voice trembles> I almost took it. My hand started to reach for it before a voice in my head screamed at me to stop. I shook my head instead. He looked more disappointed than angry, and he just swallowed that egg too.

Charlie (cont’d): I watched as he took a step towards the water. The eggs rattled around in his stomach, sounding like that cage you use for bingo. Black veins spread from his protruding belly button, pulsing and spreading with each step he took. The ocean, I had just realized, was still. There were no waves, neither here nor far in the distance. The water didn’t move at all, not even when Edwin started to walk in. All I could do was watch as the water reached his knees then his hips then his chest. And then finally, it closed over his head and I just…collapsed, I think. I don’t really remember anything until I woke up on the beach on the next morning.

Bertie: It said in the report that you were found.

Charlie: Rosalyn found me. Shook me awake just before the tide reached me. Edwin and the nest were both gone. Of course they were. Rosalyn didn’t ask me what happened. She just helped me up and walked me to Diane’s before calling Wyatt. The diner wasn’t open, but Evelyn was already there with coffee as if she knew to expect me. Wyatt came and took my statement. Rosalyn drove me home. I started to get out of the car — all I wanted to do was shower and crash at that point — but she stopped me. “One day this will make sense,” she said, and patted me on the shoulder. <sharp laugh> I don’t know what part of this will ever fucking make sense — sorry. All I know is one messed up encounter is one too many and I can’t wait to get out of this place and never come back.

<Recorder clicks off>

<Recorder clicks on>

Bertie: A supplemental to the previous statement. Wyatt visited the rescue’s facility a few days after Ms. Fisher had given her original statement and found that Caretta Chelonde had left for vacation a few days before the incident, but the volunteers were excited for her return as she was said to be bringing her grandchildren to the island for the first time. None of the other volunteers knew of anyone named Edwin, but after a few calls to the university, found a few students by that name and one that had recently been reported as missing: an Edwin Essvel, twenty-one years old. No further action will be taken, but I am including this information in the report. Regardless, whoever this Edwin was, he will not be found again.

<Paper shuffling>

Bertie: Due to the nature of this incident, I will be bringing this to [static bursts making this section unintelligible] attention. There are a few details about this incident that concern me as I believe Ms. Fisher glimpsed a piece of [static bursts making this section unintelligible] and while she is understandably shaken, is otherwise unscathed by the encounter. I believe it is prudent to keep an eye on her <soft chuckle> and I am sure I’m not the only one doing so. End of report.

[Recording Ends]

[shinyshade8026]

Happy international lesbian day to you my friend!!! 

My name is B. A closeted lesbian who's looking to come out to her family this month. In my almost two years of existence on this blog, I've read different “coming out stories” which has been a whole motivation to me- I hereby set a day in mind, to come out to my family. However things took a turn as my mom who i thought would be free of her ovarian cancer by said date developed a kidney problem just after ovarian cancer- she means the whole world to me and her acceptance is what I yearn for with my coming out. She has always said we should allow her die and has been unmotivated about life until her birthday few weeks ago (sept 11) where a whole lot of people on this app sent their good wishes, drawings, and words of encouragement to her. We turned everything sent into a blanket for her and she's been wrapping herself with the love she received- she wants to live again and fight for the sake of strangers who believed in her(so she said). The medical personnel admits it is the best time to have her surgery (Ureteral Stent Placement surgery) because she has the right mood and mindset. Unfortunately for us, we are 500$ away from getting her surgery, it’s almost a month after her birthday and her fighting spirit is dying- I also can't come out to a dying mother- I need her to be fine before my coming out date(20th Oct). We've created a crowdfunding link for her but we've only raised 85$ of 500$. Would you please help not only my mom but my coming out plan by donating whatever you can spare for my mom's surgery? No matter how small, This would go a longer way than you think- please click the link below to support I and my family:

buymeacoffee.com/Plantlover

You can also find more information about her Ovaria cancer/ infected kidney on my pinned post.  Thank you for sticking with us through thick and thin. 

oh dear... I wish I could donate, but I sadly can't...

I hope that someone else might be able to help though!! I hope coming out goes well for you, B

[luxnebula]

Oh, darn, I said that I'd write a post about volunteering at an academic conference and then I just Didn't Do That. So here's my experience volunteering for the World Congress of Environmental History. The WCEH is a congress that is arranged every four or five years and it focuses on environmental history. This year, the conference's theme was transitions, transformations and transdisciplinarity, so there were panels from all sorts of fields and from so many points of views.

Before the congress itself, I joined WCEH's social media team. The social media team's first task was to make videos introducing the Linnanmaa campus, which were then posted on Instagram and Twitter, for which I wrote the script. Here is the first video on Twitter. Here is the second video on Twitter.

Our training for the conference consisted of five meetings before the conference.

As I packed my backpack for the first meeting, I decided that I wouldn’t take along the novel that I was reading at the time (Frankenstein terapiassa by Jenny Jägerfeld and Mats Standberg) because I thought I wouldn’t have time to read it, even if I got there early, as I tend to do. I ended up regretting this decision as the lesson started behind schedule. However, I absolutely do not hold this against the lecturer because I also know how it is with the trains, as someone who also regularly travels by train. VR, venaa rauhassa, as we say here. This is just an anecdote that I thought was funny.

During the first meeting, we had a lecture held by a representative from the Oulu tourism board giving us pointers on what tourists can do in Oulu during summer. This was extremely valuable because it had not even crossed my mind that the conference participants and guests might ask what to do after the conference presentations.

To write a short summary of the tourism talk, we talked about transport (bus, bike rental), the islands near Oulu and how to get to them and what to do on them, saunas, the waterpark, the beaches and nature trails. It was emphasised that when someone asks for a restaurant recommendation, we should not just give our favourite restaurant, we should ask what kind of cuisine the asker wants and then recommend something. We were given a tip of having a map app or the Summer Tips brochure open on our phones at all times so we can quickly show something on our phones. To the question “what should I do in Oulu?” we should ask some specifying questions: how much time does the person have? What do they like to do? Do they have a car? And work from there. As a last resort, it could be good to recommend the market hall because it has tourist information. This was very valuable for me because social skills are one of my biggest weaknesses. Having scripts like this memorised will make it much easier for me to be more effective in answering questions.

During this meeting it started to dawn on me just how unique this event would be. WCEH is organised only every fifth year, so this was a once in a lifetime opportunity for me to get some work experience before graduation.

Our second meeting concerned the AV technology in the classrooms that would be used during the conference. This was also useful work experience because being fluent with AV technology could be a good skill to have in this modern era. WCEH was a hybrid conference, which meant that there were in-person panels, but they were also possible to attend via Zoom and they were recorded to watch later.

The first day of the congress started a little roughly for me. I woke up with mild stomach pain, which continued to 10 AM, which is when the reception for the congress opened. I had to be there to tweet about the reception opening. Thankfully, I ended up making it on time to the reception desk. Then at 11, I found out that the congress staff wouldn't have a complimentary lunch, so I had to run back to my apartment for lunch, which I had to do in the rain. I hadn't checked the weather before leaving home, so I didn't have an umbrella with me either. My shoes and socks ended up getting soaked.

On Monday, I also had a panel that I was supposed to supervise and I feel like I didn't do a good job. The first problem that I quickly found was that the laptop did not have any free USB ports left. The speakers and I ended up having to unplug the microphone to plug a flashdrive in, copy the slide shows onto the laptop and plugging the microphone in. This turned out to be a bad idea, because it messed with the microphone’s settings. The microphone kept showing error messages in Zoom for the first session. I hope that it did not affect the recording. The second problem was that the projector would not turn on. I had to call NomadIT (our IT support for the conference) for help, which made the panels start ten minutes late. Other than that, the first session went fine.

Before the second session, I asked NomadIT which USB I should unplug for the flashdrive and I was told to unplug the camera. Keeping that in mind, I started the second session much more easily, now that most of the problems were taken care of during the first session. However, the speakers forgot to unplug the flashdrive and replug the camera and I did not want to interrupt the speaker, so most of the Zoom meeting was recorded without a camera. I can only hope that the slide shows and panel’s audio at least saved fine. I don't think I will be an AV-tech expert anytime soon…

I went home without going to the opening ceremony, which I ended up regretting because it turned out that the male choir Huutajat performed there. It would've been cool to see them, even if I'm not a fan... 🥲

On Tuesday, I only had one shift, but I still had work to do from morning onwards, when I posted on X on behalf of other people in the social media group. I also helped look up people’s X and Instagram handles so we could @ mention them in our posts. Good thing I stayed at my apartment for that, so I could access my laptop and do it quicker than on my phone. I found it a little amusing that I was essentially doing some social media stalking, but in a professional and academic sense.

At the campus, I was asked to tweet about a panel named Arctic Spotlight before it started and do short interviews with the panel speakers. This turned out to be very chaotic. Adding on to the tasks I already had, the lecture hall's computer keyboard wasn't working, so I had to send out a SOS to the IT support, which I then didn't even have time to follow up on and check that the keyboard issue would be fixed. Another social team member and I then immediately had to do the short interviews, which thankfully were done quickly. Arctic Spotlight ended up starting in time, so I think the keyboard issue was sorted without me having to follow it. This short, hectic period taught me how to manage overlapping tasks on a short notice, how to delegate tasks and how to trust other people to do those delegated tasks.

Wednesday was very uneventful, but that was welcome after the chaos on Tuesday. Someone had forgotten their bag in the restrooms, so I wrote and posted a tweet about where to look for lost items.

Thursday was easily the longest day for me. I went to the reception desk, where someone asked for directions to the Botanical gardens. This made me very happy because one of the pre-assignments for the class included taking photos and talking about a favourite place in Oulu. My response to that assignment was the Botanical gardens, so I'm very pleased that at least two people took my advice and went to see it.

Later on the same day, I ended up volunteering in decorating a restaurant in Nallikari for the party on Thursday evening. It was fun, although it ended up getting late and getting back home from Nallikari was stressful because I had never been in Nallikari before. Not to mention that I had an 8 AM AV shift the next day, so I was in a hurry to get home so I could get enough rest.

Either way, on Friday morning,

I got to my assigned hall well before the assigned time, but I was still somehow not the first in it. Even the laptop had been set up for me! I did not need to do anything, but I tested the mic and sound anyway. I started the recording and the panel went great. The panel was very interesting! I especially liked the talk about how the horse chestnut tree has been talked about in Finnish newspapers and how attitudes towards it have shifted with time. Especially during the Winter War, when it was questioned how useful the tree even is, when times are tight and you cannot use horse chestnut wood for furniture, food or even firewood. It highlighted to me how everything affects everything and gave me a moment of deep affection towards the humanities and history.

After the panel, I went to the reception desk, where I ended up calling a cab for someone who didn't speak Finnish. I also went to listen to a panel about the sustainability of tourism (which was very interesting too!) before I went home.

As I walked home from the panel, I started to feel a little melancholic. I realised how much fun I had had during the week doing the various tasks and talking to people. Normally, I would have been downright exhausted after a whole week of socialising, but for some reason, I didn't feel any of that on that Friday. I had to tell myself "don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened" several times LOL

So in summary, what I got out of volunteering at the conference was experience and practice. Experience in customer service, spontaneity, stress resistance and changing my plans on the fly. Practice in speaking English (which I get surprisingly rarely!), social skills and team working skills. So I got exactly what I hoped to get, although I wish I could have networked a little more. My studies have been very solitary and stressful ever since 2020, so it was immensely fun and gratifying to do something in real life with other people, especially when it is something as tangible as this. This was an extremely positive experience for me, and I am very glad I decided to join the volunteer team. I would not have missed this for the world. Even if I did not have the time to listen to many of the panels (I will have to keep an eye out on the recordings of the few panels that sounded interesting, but missed), I'm extremely satisfied with my experience in volunteering. Volunteering at the conference is one of the last things I do at the university before I (hopefully) graduate later this month, so I'm glad that I am ending my university studies with such a grand note and a good experience.

[choicesficwriterscreations]

CFWC Writer of the Month: liaromancewriter

Each month CFWC highlights one of our talented fanfic writers, and this month’s writer of the month is @liaromancewriter ! We hope you will enjoy learning more about her and her work below! The writer is selected at random. More info can be found on the navigation page.

Quick Links: 

Tumblr blog: liaromancewriter Tumblr Masterlist Maxenna Masterlist

Tumblr Blog: 

How do you want to be known on Tumblr? 

Lia or Mal. Both are my nicknames in real life, depending on who’s calling, so I respond to either.

1- When did you start playing Choices? What's the first book you played? 

I first downloaded Choices in August 2020 after being bombarded with its ads on another game. I figured I'll try it and see what it was about. My average track record for mobile games is 2-3 months, and then I get bored and delete the app. That didn't happen here because I quickly realized it's not a game but a library of fiction books in all genres. Two and a half years later, I'm still here reading Choices.

The first book I played (read?) was The Royal Romance. I believe it pre-loaded when I opened the app the first time. I fell in love with the Prince (who I named Aiden as it's my favorite boy name) from the first moment. To this day, I think the first two TRR books are the most romantic stories on Choices. 

Incidentally, I started playing Open Heart at the same time, but mostly to earn diamonds for TRR since medical stories weren’t really my thing (that’s changed now obviously). But Ethan Ramsey was equally irresistible and I had a hard time saving my diamonds when romancing the two.

2- When and why did you join Choices fandom?

I didn't know there was something called a Choices fandom, so it's very happenstance. Unofficially, I joined in November 2020 as a silent reader and didn't have a Tumblr account. Officially, I created my Tumblr account on December 7 and started becoming more active in January 2021. 

I had just finished Open Heart: Second Year and then Platinum (for the fourth time), and was feeling adrift. I was obsessed with Raleigh Carrera and googled him out of curiosity to see what might be out there. I came across fics posted on AO3 and then Tumblr. 

Then, I googled Ethan Ramsey as I was missing OH and just wanted to get lost in that world again. I came across a plethora of fanfics, mostly on Tumblr. I originally started reading them on my mobile browser and still have masterlist pages bookmarked (in order) on Safari for @lem-20 (the first OH writer I read and followed because her pfp match my book sprite), @jamespotterthefirst and @starrystarrytrouble. 

I didn't know fanfiction was a thing, so I was a bit baffled by all of it initially. The more I read, the more I loved the interpretations others were bringing to the story. I was also generally impressed by writers unafraid to write and post their work for the world to read, and that inspired me to want to publish my original stories online.   

3- How did you pick your url name? 

My original intent with Tumblr was to publish my original romantic fiction novel, Happy Ever After. And, maybe in the future write and post more original romance short stories as an exercise to rediscover my fiction voice. 

When I was creating the account, I blanked on what to call it. In a burst of "just pick a username already", I named my blog liaromancewriter to represent my nickname (Lia) and the type of stories I would be posting (romance). 

By the way, my desired account name initially was hopelessromantic, but it was taken. When I was setting up the blog headline and description, I decided to go with The Hopeful Romantic because the phrasing best embodied my perspective of soulmates and happy ever afters.

4- Go back to your archive and tell us about the first post on your Choices blog. 

My first Choices fandom post was a reblog game response on January 11. All posts on my blog before that were chapters of Happy Ever After.

5- How long have you been writing fanfiction?

I published my first ever fanfic, First Impressions, on February 15, 2021. So, about 22 months.

6- What is your favorite Choices book to write about?

I only write for Open Heart, so I would say it remains my favorite as I keep coming up with stories for this extended universe I’ve created for my pairings.

7- Share the first fanfic you wrote with us. Do you still like it or would you change anything about it?

The first fic I submitted to CFWC was Me Before You on April 5, 2021. I think I’d only heard about this blog in March of that year and didn’t know that anyone could submit. 

It’s very much an introspective piece, showing Ethan’s inner thoughts, and Cassie's too. I love writing descriptive stories about what people are thinking and feeling. It’s when my writing is the strongest.

I still like that story. Having said that, the middle of this fic drags a little, so I’d probably want to tighten that up. I also hadn't fully developed my headcanon for their relationship yet. Anyone who reads my work knows that it's like a TV series where everything is connected, and the plot continues along a specific timeline, even if one-shots are posted at different times of the year. 

So the timeline inside the story doesn't quite sync up perfectly with the rest, but I've learnt to let it go....somewhat. 😂

8- What is your favorite fic that you’ve written?

Can I pick two? I’m picking two, one for each of my pairings. At this stage, they’re both equal OTPs anyway.

Ethan & Cassie: Come Undone

Max & Sienna: Unforgettable

9- Do you have a fic that you didn’t expect to be well received, but it was? What about one you expected to be but could use a little more love?

I know that notes aren't everything since there are many silent readers out there. But it's the only metric Tumblr allows writers to use. So, this answer is solely based on that.

It’s not a fic, but a series. The original Maxenna series, Then There Was You, was incredibly popular both in terms of notes and comments and in attracting new readers despite the fact that I wrote it after the series had already ended, and it was a side character (Sienna) and an OC (Max). I’m forever grateful because it’s an original story in every sense of the word, with some nods/references to canon. Despite the fact that it’s Sienna, she’s an OC, too, since we don’t know too much about her in canon.

For the second part of this question, I thought Seeing Red would have been more popular. It's angsty, and has Ethan’s relationship with Louise, Cassie and Ethan fighting (somewhat). So, it was surprising it didn't get as many notes. But then, I also wrote it in 2022, and the fandom isn't what it used to be. So that could be one reason.

10- If you could write only angst, fluff, or smut for the rest of your writing life, which would it be and why? 

Fluff...absolutely 100% fluff. Anyone who knows me for five seconds knows that I'm all about finding and keeping your soulmate. Real life is hard, the fictional world doesn't have to be.

I grew up reading fairytales and love Hallmark movies. When I discovered romance books in uni, I fell in love with the journey of two people falling in love and finding their happy ever after. I also enjoy writing about relationships; while there are angsty moments in those, it's the resolution of finding your way to the light that makes me happy. Happy Endings Guaranteed is my motto. 

11- Do you ever recognize yourself in any of your MCs or in your writing?

I bring parts of myself to all my characters. In real life, I'm more like Ethan and Max; the professional and personal elements in their personalities are based on me and my experiences. 

Cassie's ambition and determination to prove herself are pure me. That's why even in canon, I never gave a thought to why a Junior Fellow was qualified to head the Diagnostics Team. I was running my own department by the time I was 30. It's all about seizing opportunities even if you don't think you're ready. You learn on the job and eventually make it your own.

One other observation is that I’m a champion researcher and accuracy is important to me. So, when I write I bring that accuracy and plausability to all scenarios. My Google history will attest to that. 😝

12- What element of writing do you struggle with most?

I struggle with writing common, every day body gestures without repeating myself. I can visualize the scene in my head like someone wrapping their arms around the other or framing their lover’s face between their hands. But I don’t always know how to write it well or at least have more diversity in the words/expressions that I use. 

13- Do you have any neglected work you really want to finish?

No. I don't do WIPs. Sometimes I'm not happy with a fic, so I'll write the first draft but not publish it for a while. I'll do/write other things and then come back to start editing the fic until it works. Candy Thieves and Postcard Memories are two good examples of that.

I do have a document with about 20+ possible story ideas, but some of those are random thoughts that might or might not have a story in them.

14- If someone you know in real life (who isn’t involved in fandoms) asked to read your work, would you let them? If yes, what would you recommend they read first? 

Absolutely! I mostly share my Wattpad account with them rather than Tumblr as the former can be easier to navigate for novice readers. But my close friends have my Tumblr blog link. 

I always ask them to read Happy Ever After (original work) first since it’s mine and doesn’t require knowledge of canon. But for fanfiction, I tell people to start at the top of my masterlist and work their way down. This way, they’ll get to meet my characters from the beginning and go on the journey with them, even if they’ve never read canon. 

15 - Are there any writers (published authors and/or fanfic writers) who influenced your writing?

I’m mostly influenced by published authors with Nora Roberts, Jayne Ann Krentz and Julie Garwood leading the pack. I love how Nora does scene setting and descriptions, and shows relationships between people (romantic and platonic); my approach to storytelling is largely influenced by her. 

Jayne Ann Krentz does a great job of writing spunky heroines who aren’t afraid to take chances, no matter if it’s a modern setting, paranormal or historical. While Julie Garwood’s novels are fluffy with wonderfully memorable characters especially the LI. Aiden Madison remains my perfect guy to this day and I wish he was real. 🥰

I do want to give a shoutout to @jamespotterthefirst whose edits and text fics showed me that there’s another interesting way to tell a story than writing prose. I live in hope she will finish her First Year Pictagram series (hint, hint, Bree 😉)

16- Which one of your stories would you most like to see as a movie/series? 

Maxenna’s original series would make a great Hallmark movie/series. As a student of Hallmark’s formula, I think it has all the elements including a slow burn, delayed first kiss, love declaration closer to the end, swoonworthy proposal and wedding, and of course family.

17- Do you write original stories? 

Absolutely, but maybe not as much recently (unless you count Maxenna). I’ve already talked about Happy Ever After here. I have 2 other completed manuscripts that I hope to do something with one day.

18 -  What other hobbies do you have?

I don’t have a ton of free time, so what I do have is reserved for reading books (my first love). Other than that, I watch a lot of cooking shows on Food Network. At the end of a long and busy day, there’s something very soothing about watching other people cook/work. 

19 - What’s your favorite emoji? 

😂

[awwyeah107]

So...I haven't made any fan art in years. And I haven't ever posted it online. But here I am with some drawings of a dress for a fanfic author's OC, and I'm quite happy with them.

These are some mockups of a dress that I pictured Mellótë wearing; she's an OC in the Silmarillion fanfic Daughters of Therindë by @darkfrozenabyss.

(I tried to draw Mellotë's face and hair. I really did. However, that gave me a lot of trouble, so in the end I decided it was okay to simply have the dresses be on a model XD Perhaps one day I'll try to actually draw her features.)

Made with the app Sketchbook on my dad's iPad.

Skirt design (and part of the first top design) is based off this dress. The second top design is completely mine. The third top design with the veil is based off of this other dress, and the fourth is the same thing without the veil.

Further description of why I made these, their inspiration, and my process below the cut :)

This came from a conversation in the comments of chapter 11 of Daughters of Therindë. In my comment, I mentioned that I had noticed a line about Mellótë's hair brushing her shoulder, and it prompted me to ask about what she was wearing. darkfrozenabyss replied, "I was picturing something gauzy and light pink, a one-shoulder gown that flares more at the bottom."

After that conversation, the next time I got onto Tumblr, I got an ad featuring the dress below that immediately made me think of that description—except for the fact that it was not one-shoulder.

It made me think, "Hmm, what would it look like if that was one-shoulder? What would it look like if she did wear it?" And thus my idea to draw the dress was born.

As mentioned above, I used the app Sketchbook to create the drawings. I imported that photo of the dress into the app as a layer, and I traced over the dress and the girl wearing it in a new layer. Then I made use of copious layers to get the texture and design of the skirt the way I wanted it to look.

I had had a couple ideas for what the top design would look like, and I worked on those designs after the skirt. My immediate thought was to move one of the wrap-around sleeves (I'm not sure what to call them) from the original dress up onto the shoulder and make it a bit thicker, so that is the first top design. I also had the idea to make a small little ruffle sleeve over the shoulder with a flower or brooch connected to a top without any additional texture. After I made those, I felt like there was still another possible design I could do that would look/fit better, so I scrolled through the dress website for one-shoulder dresses to use as inspiration. I found this dress with a veil (linked above as well) and really liked it, so I imported one of the photos and loosely traced it. Then I adjusted the tracing and added my own texturing and color to it. I think the design works both with and without the veil, so I included both versions.

Also, I had started on this drawing at around midnight on a Saturday night, thinking "Oh, I'll just start this and then continue tomorrow." Then after intensely focusing on getting the skirt coloring and texture down, I decided I should check the time (it doesn't show in the app for some reason)...and saw it was nearly 3 AM. XD I did continue the next day, gave it a rest for a couple days, came back to it, and then gave it a couple more days' rest and decided the designs looked complete enough that I was ready to post them.

From scrolling through darkfrozenabyss' drawings on Tumblr, I think the third or fourth designs would most likely be what Mellótë would wear out of these designs. Maybe the fourth more than the third. What do you think @darkfrozenabyss? I could be totally wrong in my guess, or maybe none of them would be anything close to what she would wear. XD

Anyway, it was a lot of fun working on these! I'm quite happy with how they turned out. I particularly love the bottom edges of the skirt—I feel like I was able to capture some of the gauzy layers. This is also the first time I've ever done really dedicated digital art, so I enjoyed the experience.

[lazulisong]

i have had genuinely the stupidest customer service experience i have ever had in my life.

when i got run over in january, the runner overer gave us his info but i never put a claim in because workers comp paid for everything

either SAIF sent them a request for reimbursement or someone found a file shoved somewhere, because about a week and a half ago GEICO became aware that i existed and one of their customers was responsible for me spending a very unpleasant evening waiting for x-rays

oh shit, said GEICO, we should probably give this person money so they don't sue us

after an elaborate and exhausting game of phone tag, they offered me money and i accepted it

the agent forgot to get my email address

the agent then failed to answer or, apparently, listen to the voicemail where i was like "hey did you guys need my email? here it is just in case" OR multiple messages like "hey i was unfortunately raised a lady so i won't say 'what the fuck happened to that email with deposit directions' but i sure mean that"

i also messaged their twitter support who swore an agent would reach out. they did not.

i reach one of her coworkers instead of her. he informs me that since they didn't have my email, they have sent a paper check. i did not say "in the year of our agony 2023, you sent me a PAPER CHECK?"

i get a guilty follow up message from the original agent, which i do not return

on monday, the check comes. "oh boy!" you are thinking, "now the saga concludes!!!"

hahahaha HAHAHA haha

i deposit the check via mobile

USBANK, with no notice or explanation, puts a hold on the funds, not the regular one! the entire caboodle

i not unnaturally go to my local branch on my lunch break and ask the very nice cashier what was going on

(i got to pet a retriever puppy, the only thing that saved my temper)

cashier calls their service line. service line informs her that the check is on hold until. april 11.

there was no notice or note in the mobile app OR the cashiers program to note this

i realize another GEICO agent had left me a voicemail (i think i got kicked upstairs) and i call her back like "well it can't hurt"

she then proceeds to spend twenty minutes conference calling USBANK to figure out what happened

fraud guy: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ we didn't think it was real ig sorry about the trouble also lol no we can't release the hold! why would we do that?

me: ಠ_ಠ

this agent literally had to request a stop payment on the paper check and get my email address (finally) to send me the direct deposit instructions

success! but in the most irritating way possible

if i think about how if only the initial agent had fucking remembered to get my email OR check her messages i could have not spent the time i did dealing with it, my eye starts spasming again

[tortured-writers-parttime-poets]

[dumbass quirkless UA teacher izuku au]

just found this absolute gem in my notes app please guys i need more fics like this

dumbass quirkless UA teacher izuku au

dont let the dumbassery fool you, he's actually a genius. oh, also in this his hair started going white at 9, was fully white by 11. 

he lives in a shitty apartment on the edge of a red zone. he was kicked out at 12 years old because the rent wasnt paid, and hasnt seen his mother since he was 10. he has multiple phDs in social work, quirk counseling, psychology, and analysis. he also hacked the HPSC's and police's files of him to add in a teaching phD. and he's graduated high school digitally, though he's still 14. 

nedzu found him when he applied for the entrance exam and convinced him to be a teacher because he was overqualified to be a student. he teaches Analysis and Psychology, or A&P for short. 

he had 1A first. when he walked into the classroom he was wearing a plain black medical mask, a 'women love me fish fear me' hat, an oversized hello kitty sweater with aroace and agender pride pins, dark green cargo pants and one (1) hot pink croc with some dinosaur clips on it. oh, and black socks. he also had in one gold contact and one purple contact, which was revealed when he lifted his bangs to give iida a blank stare.

katsuki, who already knew(theyre friends in this), had to sit there and not laugh when izuku smack talked iida, introduced himself as Mr. Hands, presented their first assignment in the most fucked up confusing wording possible, threw glitter on them, then left through a vent in the ceiling. 

right before he made his exit tho, he turned to shouto and said 'oh by the way ur legal guardian is hawks and has been since u were five but neither of u knew until now but he should be here for when the end of day bell goes to pick u up,' then sent the poor kid a thumbs up, threw extra glitter (DINOSAUR glitter) on him and left. 

then shoto promptly burst into tears while  staring into space. katsuki collected both of their shit, tried to brush the worst of the glitter out of shoto's hair, then walked to the teachers lounge with shoto following him absentmindedly. 

oh, have i mentioned he was taught to fight by stain and eraserhead? seperately, of course. at the usj he promptly shoots off two of tomura's fingers, one on each hand, then him and eraser proceed to absolutely decimate the remaining villains, though eraser does more capture than killing. they wrap it up in record time, and still have plenty of time to go through each of the rescue activities. 

also in this chisaki is actually a good dad and isnt using eri for experiments, he's also kind of izuku's dad. him and nedzu actually somewhat get along and bond over their parental experiences. oh shit wait i didnt elaborate on nedzu yet-

nedzu and izuku are very close, the former considering the latter to be his son/kit. they often meet up in his office to chat, play chess, analyze things, etc. nedzu convinced izuku to move onto the ua grounds, then gave him the nicest apartment possible without it being too big, and gives him high paychecks, insisting it's because he's young and deserves/needs it.

the rest of the staff also have a somewhat familial bond, especially aizawa, snipe and recovery girl, but he fucking despises all might and doesnt bother to hide it. 

him and hawks are pretty close too, after everything with shoto. he's already got dabi figured out, and checks in with him consistently to make sure he isnt starving or in need of medical assistance, but hasnt told anyone out of respect. he does  however eventually convince him to tell hawks, so they start dating and live together. 

he got dabi excused of any and every crime he was accused of, though he was never convicted, and between him, hawks and nedzu manager to get him surgery for his scars so he is no longer a walking open wound. dabi and hawks now both have rights to shoto and thr kid does actually begrudging consider them father figures. 

he also figured aoyama out immediately and they made a plan to get him out, which involved aoyama requesting a meeting with AFO, izuku following him, AFO taking the quirk back and izuku shooting AFO, killing him. the blond is still a UA student and now izuku's personal student, plus part of their group. (katsuki, shoto, hitoshi, mei, and now yuuga)

once AFO is dead, he takes in tomura (and by extension kurogiri) meanwhile stain takes toga and spinner under his wing. despite tomura being like 6 years older he tends to think of izuku as his dad, though he only accidentally voiced it once and got so embarrassed he hasnt since. nedzu is just fucking ecstatic he has a grandkit.

the staff (-ass might) all take tomura under their wing pretty quickly, and after a bit so does 1A. 

each day izuku shows up in increasingly preposterous outfits and no one is willing to say anything for fear of losing a limb or two. the second day it was an oversized black t-shirt that says 'FUCK ENDEAVOR' in bold white text, long hot pink fuzzy paw gloves that go up to the ends of the sleeves, neon pink sweat pants tucked into chunky black platform boots with pink spikes, the same black mask and one of those bunny hats with the paws where if you squeeze them the ears go up. when he entered the building nedzu's cackling could be heard from outside his door. iida almost had a seizure. katsuki almost broke a rib holding his laughter. 

on the third day he showed up in a hooded skin tight sleeveless black turtleneck crop top  that said 'the birds work for bourgeoisie' is white font, baggy black cargo pants, forest green platform boots with heels, a matching green utility belt, the usual black mask, and elbow length black leather gloves. a lot of students realized some things about themselves that day. 

Aizawa sighed loudly when he showed up in a rainbow tie dye t-shirt with '"ur moms a hoe" ? bitch im an orphan' on it in boxy black text. then sighed again when he saw the pink fingerless gloves and heart glasses