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Say hello to my little friend

2. Found out gynecologist referral was for Tualitin. Politely expressed that I wasn't going to travel an hour and a half ONE WAY for what were likely to be half hour appointments. Referral sent to the campus I work at. Nice and probably overworked scheduling person calls last night and MyCharts me several moderately invasive questionnaires. I send them back. Get a call back from the same person at a directly opposite time of day saying that the doctor is scheduling IN FEBRUARY but I could get in January if I did a video call.

3. this is actually much faster than I met with the surgeons team to get rid of my useless gland sacks so I'm pretty pleased. And hugely grateful (??) that I have an actual family history of uterus bullshit that I have so far avoided, as far as we can tell, by the simple measure of not having at least three kids.

4. however I am absolutely certain I am going to end up in the papers as the protagonist of a cautionary tale about mental health and starting riots on public transit sooner rather than later let alone the brutal hormonal depression that's about to go nuclear with approaching peri menopause so yes, I am in the process of getting a complete hysterectomy.

4a. My top surgery buddy is also working on deleting their uterus!!!!

5. can't tell if honeymoon period of updose is over or approaching hormones but didn't get writing or sewing done. porque no los dos dot gif

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Remember what a hot mess my November layout was? I'm proud to announce that my December one is WORSE

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If I buy a water hotter upper for work how much will that improve the chances of the water guy bringing us a tank with a working hotter upper?

(The office one is fine and I can also get hot water from the main building but I'm tired of having to remember to fill my bottle with hot water.)

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I'm taking advantage of the brief window between the updose of adderall starting and my brain deciding it's sleepy bitch hours again to work on the top surgery guide. having focus is so fucking wild.

I'm not joking this thing has about fifteen lists now and I expect they will expand when I type it in lmao -- except my back is like "we are not twenty and we can no fucking longer shrimp sit to write"

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Ehehehe

It's just the one tumbler btw it has Jean on one side and Klee on the other. Honestly the tumbler is much nicer than I expected and the drink cup is sturdy enough to wash and reuse so it may have been slightly outrageously priced but I think it was worth it. No idea what the in game thing is tho haha but the drink itself was also good

apparently it was a good thing I went to the one by Beaverton Transit Center because the senior employee told me it was an absolute gong show over at Washington Square.

Meg are you about to travel a good 45 minutes and slap down at least twenty dollars for a god damn Genshin collab

(pic courtesy my friend)

But it's KLEEEEEE (and also Jean but I don't like her as much) and anyway I've been doing pretty good on not drinking myself to death and Managing my Brain and someone ought to get me a treat about it.

I am also going to go to the Asian market for some groceries I couldn't find on Weee! and I might swing by Kinos for some planner nonsense. Then the Canadians are going to farm FATEs and maybe take another whack at Byakko Unreal (we saw enrage!)

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Meg are you about to travel a good 45 minutes and slap down at least twenty dollars for a god damn Genshin collab

(pic courtesy my friend)

But it's KLEEEEEE (and also Jean but I don't like her as much) and anyway I've been doing pretty good on not drinking myself to death and Managing my Brain and someone ought to get me a treat about it.

I am also going to go to the Asian market for some groceries I couldn't find on Weee! and I might swing by Kinos for some planner nonsense. Then the Canadians are going to farm FATEs and maybe take another whack at Byakko Unreal (we saw enrage!)

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Holiday strategies

"I feel like shit and I don't want to give it to anyone" (do not specify why you feel like shit and turn off read receipts beforehand so you can reply three hours later to sadly report you laid down for a second and just woke up)

"The car won't start and I can't find anybody to fix it on the holiday" (works best if you live at least an hour away)

"My boss??? Just called me like??? One of my coworkers projectile vomited all over the room and another one simply???? Did not show up??????? And my boss is like, in tears??????" (You are the good responsible child who put in for their time off to spend it with your beloved family and your work ethic and loyalty now force you to come to your bosses rescue instead of replying "wow, sux" like the news is saying the younger generation is like.)

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Friend: whatcha making

Meg: technically it's a strip quilt really I'm just keeping my hands busy

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boooooo

It's extremely dumb that the cafeteria serves the spareribs on Monday of pay week :(((((( guess I'm eating ramen and thinking about making red braised spare ribs this weekend

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Absolutely love having enough experience with post election protests to have told people on Wednesday that this was what would happen today

Death sings to me, the song is called "every fucking bus u take except one goes straight past Pioneer Courthouse Square" and thus the protest sites

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Went to bed at eight thirty and woke up at five thirty which is why I hate meltdowns -- I would have been less tired by walking five miles. Anyway I kind of laid in bed and decided that yeah okay today is an emotional support dragon kind of day (also noise canceling headphones obv)

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update: like u know what, I have no idea why the dasher left me a bowl of miso soup which my very very Chinese food but thank u Comrade DoorDash, it was just what I needed 🫡

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Not my mentally unstable ass crying at the exhausting thought of getting home and making dinner

A friend got me takeout and I am no longer crying on the bus about it but im not looking forward to the depression and anxiety scale I'll have to fill out for my doctors appt on Monday. You guys promise me to get me a weighted unicorn plush for my inpatient vaycay okay? (For legal purposes this is a joke and I will probably just get hollered at about not taking my god damn anxiety rescue pills.)

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JOKING even after taking all my meds eating and having tea I am absolutely disassociating like hell and mildly convinced I ought to lie down in front of a bus and see if that changes my family's minds about voting third party and I'm so tired and sad and I don't know if I have ever or ever will make enough of a difference in this world to really make the effort any more.

I'm also making a scrunchie and a quilt top because fuck it. What can you do but get up again. And again and again and again.

Well this sucks but stuff has sucked before. We're still here.

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I'm working on my stupid little zine about top surgery and transition today! And my weird little quilt! Fuck them! We're alive!

Hey, also, all the anarchist shit aside, tomorrow I want you to make something.

I forced myself to draw something after the 2016 election. I forced myself to draw something when my mother died in 2018. I forced myself to draw something when my spouse was hospitalized for multiple organ failure in 2021.

When you are miserable, make something. Add a row to your project, bake a box cake, draw on a sheet of lined paper, write a poem on a napkin, fold an origami shirt out of a dollar bill, make your favorite recipe for dinner, but make something with your hands, something that you can hold and look at engage your senses in.

It won't fix the world, but it will change the world. You will have made something that didn't exist before. You will have impacted your reality, even in a very small way. And it is going to be something you made *after.* Something bad happened, something shook you, and you made something after, in spite of it.

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Well this sucks but stuff has sucked before. We're still here.

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Meg: okay Mer's on babysitting duty and we're gonna do game stuff tonight

Meg: hmm Meg: there's a weed store by work maybe I can get some baby edibles for tonight

website: :) try this!

Meg: or maybe I could remain stone cold sober