#aforementioned: I was about to crash the fuck out

[nyctictea]

What an honor it would be to be felled by your hand

[dragons-and-yellow-roses]

Applying to an apartment with little income and terrible credit score, in hopes that they'll be desperate enough to take me

[helluvapoison]

Lend A Helping Hand

Lucifer, Adam, Lute, Vaggie and Husk need help preening

warnings: possible innacurate bird knowledge, heaven headcanons (also probably innacurate) illusions to sexual behavior but it’s not

[ii]

ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ

˚✧₊⁎ Lucifer ⁎⁺˳✧༚

• Lilith used help… when she was around. The thought of asking someone else, much less the act itself, scorched him with guilt

• Oh well. Lucifer did it before, Heaven had rules about it, so he can do it again! And of course he did! It doesn’t mean it’s not an excruciatingly long process he puts off as long as he can tolerate

• You walk in on him attempting to strain his arms in ways they certainly shouldn’t bend. “Need some help?”

• “Pfft, who me? No, no, no I—“ He pauses. It’s like the predicament he’s been caught in settles in slowly, his smile dropping and crimson irises widening to rival a puppy’s cuteness. “Yes.” He admits meekly

• Your fingers barely touch his feathers and Lucifer jolts. Like him, his wings are so sensative

• Don’t take it personally when he tries to back out after that, cheeks bright red from embarrassment. He has six wings and can barely tolerate your touch as is. This could take a while, he already feels bad

• After a teaspoon more of convincing and a gallon of reassurance later, Lucifer sits as still as he can (which isn’t very) while you gently break open the pin feathers

• You could tease if you wanted, make a joke to try and settle his nerves but something tells you his wings aren’t the only thing that’s sensitive

• Lucifer appreciates your assistance and tenderness more than words can describe, nothing seems like a big enough gift to reward your hard work

˚✧₊⁎ Adam ⁎⁺˳✧༚

• Usually it’s Lute that would help him (and vice versa if he feels like it) but she’s nowhere to be found. He can’t casually ask anyone else. Heaven and its inhabitants can be weird about certain shit, preening is no exception— even though everyone has wings here!

• Walking past Adam’s office, you heard a crash and a lot of swearing. “Sir, are you���?”

“Unless you’re gonna help, fuck right off!” He growls from the ground, still reaching at an awkward angle for his wings

• He’s shocked when you sit on your knees beside him and swat his hand away. “If you make this weird, I will leave.” You warn. He doesn’t dare make even a single comment

• Adam shivers when your fingers glide into his feathers. You wave it off the first time but can’t stop a laugh when it happens again

Face first into the carpet, his loud voice is muffled, “Shut! Up!”

• You take pity on him and don’t drag the process longer than necessary. Awarding yourself a final pet of his oddly soft wings, you stand up, “There. All better?”

• Rising to his feet and giving his wings an experimental stretch, he shrugs nonchalantly, “Thanks. I guess.”

• The next day, you receive a basket from Goody-2-Shoes with various snacks. The card reads, ‘Let me know when I can return the favor. Wings don’t have to be included. ~ A’

˚✧₊⁎ Lute ⁎⁺˳✧༚

• You know she needs help when she’s more irritable than usual. Snapping at everyone, even Adam, and flinching when her wings move in the slightest

• Approaching the subject with her is harder than anyone. As aforementioned it’s unspokenly taboo but that isn’t what stops her. Lute’s deep rooted issues with intimacy and needing help will make her walls thicker than ever

• “This is inappropriate,” Lute whispers.

In the dead of night she’s finally allowed you to assist but keeps fidgeting and surveying the area like someone will catch you two.

“It is not,” You roll your eyes, “Get your mind out of the gutter and be still! I’ll have you’ll feeling better in no time.”

• She seriously, seriously doubts that. Anything she can’t do herself, amongst certain divine exceptions, no one could do for her

• …But she’s letting you help (and your adept fingers are doing a better job) So either she doesn’t fully believe that, or you miraculously raised her expectations

• Lute decides the latter is acceptable– and a compliment, especially since you prove her wrong. Triple checking her wings, she can’t find a flaw or deny how wonderful they feel now.

• “This is adequate.”

You snort, “You could just say thanks?”

“How can I repay you?”

“I just told you.”

• She narrows her eyes, shocked and suspicious that you wouldn’t want anything. Lute, again, decides that your endeavor deserves an equal act of goodwill. Don’t take it for granted when she says, “No. I owe you one. One.”

˚✧₊⁎ Vaggie ⁎⁺˳✧༚

• She genuinely forgets what’s wrong with her when she needs to preen. Even with her wings folded away, the irritable pricking can be felt. She’s itching the back of her neck, hand clawing under the crew of her shirt and dipping between her shoulder blades when you ask when’s the last time she checked for pin feathers

• Vaggie’s always been independent. Up in Heaven she was a bit cocky with the fact she never needed help to reach them. Now, she felt helpless and stupid. Her arms cramped up, her hair kept getting in the way and the itching only progressed

• “Can I–?”

“No.” Her ivory eyes go wide, surprised at the fury of her own voice. Sighing and avoiding your (what she assumed was a) pitiful gaze, she apologizes. “Sorry. I don’t know why I… I used to be able to do this alone.”

Pausing at how defeated Vaggie sounds, you do your best to keep a positive, neutral tone.

“Cut yourself some slack, you haven’t done this in years. And, y’know, you don’t have to do it alone now. Not if you don’t want.”

• Smiling at the offer hanging in the air but not quite accepting, she goes about her managerial duties only to knock on your door afterwards

• Vaggie’s so grateful you can’t see how dark her face becomes as you sort through her wings. They’re not sensitive, they never were– it’s something about your fingers delicately touching her that cracks her resolve. Now she starts to understand why this was seen as an intimate act upstairs

• “Thanks for…” Still blushing, she gestures to her wings before hiding them, “Thanks.”

You try to keep up with her indifference but can’t help the smile spreading across your face.

“No problem.”

• If you think she’s not replaying the moment over and over in her head for days afterwards, you’re wrong. Vaggie’s desperately waiting for the moment to be just as useful to you

˚✧₊⁎ Husk ⁎⁺˳✧༚

• He’s hardly a fan of Angel touching him the way he does so a solid relationship is required to unlock the level of trust needed for this activity

• The first time it happens when you’re in his life, he won’t ask but also doesn’t reject the offer. Just looks extremely hesitant and uncomfortable

• Carefully, you pinch the rough layer and eye Husk from over his shoulder

• He breathes out a laugh, “Gonna take more than that to hurt me, sugar. Go on, I’ll be fine.”

• His wings might be the least sensitive… but that could also be all that alcohol in his system

• Husk hums as you work. After he gives a big, cat-like stretch and thanks you with a tip of his hat

• The simple gesture means more than you know, he’ll never forget it

~

╰(*´︶`*)╯♡ accidentally on purpose put them from most to least sensitive wings hehehe

big big big BIG thank you to @kottenox for the inspiration and letting me take this idea and run!

[shushmal]

steddie request! pre steddie during a pool day eddie feels cute aggression and bites the back of steve's shoulder and surprises him

It should be ILLEGAL, Eddie thinks, for Steve Harrington to allowed out into polite company, much less in a community pool where innocent eyes could gaze upon him. Objectively, sure, Eddie knows that those little pink swim shorts aren't any more scandalous that what anyone else is wearing today. Ted Wheeler is knocked out on a lounge chair with only a speedo. But it's Steve. And Eddie's doing his best to rehab his image in Hawkins, so drooling after the local Harrington prince wasn't going to help.

Never mind that it was Steve who drug Eddie out into Satan's crack that is Indiana summer in August. He'd made a good case about it, too—something, something, being seen doing good in front of all the moms at the community pool, something, something, Holly's birthday party, yada yada. Honestly, Eddie didn't hear most of it, lost in Steve's stupid, beautiful brown eyes.

What was Eddie going to say? No?? Be for real.

That was how Eddie found himself sat on a deck chair (thankfully one with an umbrella), in his jeans next to a cooler, handing little girls juice boxes and snacks when demanded of him.

Holly Wheeler must befriends with the entire elementary school, Jesus Christ.

Steve himself, in his aforementioned pink swim trunks, was playing as pool jungle gym and had kids crawling all over him. It helped a lot to keep Eddie from drooling after him, but didn't do a lot for Eddie's heart.

Worse than Steve being hot, was Steve being cute. Eddie couldn't take it. He was going to die.

Steve had one of the smaller kids perched on his hip, held safely up out of the splash zone, while the rest of the hoard took turns climbing up onto his shoulders and using him like a diving board, his free hand guiding them safely into the water as they jumped. It looked like hell to Eddie, but Steve was grinning ear to ear, rating each jump with a booming cheer that had all the kids screaming around him with each splash.

"Um, excuse me," snaps a little girl in front of Eddie. He glances down and feels like he's looking at a mini Erica Sinclair, her hands on her hips and scowling. A chilling sight.

"Whatcha need, shrimp?" Eddie sighs, flipping the cooler lid up to take another order. "We're out of red barrels, and our stock of blue is going fast."

She eyes him skeptically for a moment before her little shoulders slump. "Fine, I guess I'll take the blue."

"Here you go," he says, pulling the foil off for her since little wrinkled baby fingers have yet to manage it all day. "Now be gone with ye."

Treating him with another incredibly bitchy look for a third grader, she bounds off just as a shadow appears over Eddie. A wet arm hooks over Eddie's shoulders, just as Steve crashes into the deck chair beside him, too small for two nearly full grown men, the plastic creaking ominously. Steve is practically in Eddie's lap.

"Harrington, what the fuck," Eddie squawks, cold pool water soaking into his clothes because Steve is dripping wet.

"What the language, Munson," Steve says, still grinning, looking at Eddie with those brown eyes. His face is round and a little pink, and he's so close that Eddie can see the faint trail of summer freckles across his nose. He's so beautiful, and he looks so happy and excited to have Eddie's attention. "There's little ears—OW WHAT THE FUCK!"

Eddie opens his jaw and yanks his head back, almost as shocked with himself as Steve. He can taste pool water in his mouth. There's a line of pink teeth-marks on Steve tanned shoulder.

"Uh," Eddie says.

"Did..." Steve starts. He leans back a little, still half in Eddie's lap, to gape down at him. "Did you just... bite me?"

"Y-Yeah," Eddie breathes. "Whoops."

"Whoops?" Steve repeats, brows high on his forehead. "Why the hell did you bite me?"

"You're very bitable." Eddie's going to drown himself in the pool at this rate. "You're too cute. I had to bite you."

He watches as Steve's eyes narrow, watches as Steve begins to suss him out. Eddie's still too shocked with himself to do anything, can't even panic, because he's that much of an idiot and his brain has gone completely offline. Because Eddie bit Steve Harrington and then called him cute, Jesus Humphrey Christ.

Then Steve leans down, slowly, until his face is right in Eddie's, and an insane thought goes through Eddie's brain. I bit Steve Harrington, told him he was cute, and now he's going to kiss me.

Except Steve bypasses Eddie's face and lands his lips against Eddie's neck, where he then tries to take his own pound of flesh.

Eddie screeches.

Distantly, he recognizes what a weird blessing it is that they're at the community pool, surrounded half the elementary school, all of them screeching and screaming and splashing. Everyone is completely oblivious to whatever homosexual nightmare is happening to Eddie right now.

"You're pretty cute yourself, Ed," Steve says into the small space next to his ear. And then he's up and standing between one breath and the next. "We really gotta teach you some manners though," he says, grinning, before he turns and dives into the pool.

"Y-Yeah," Eddie says weakly in his absence. He can feel Steve's spit on his neck, rapidly drying the summer heat, the bite mark aching with promise.

[everdreamofme]

Crashed The Wedding

thedore nott x reader

song inspo; crashed the wedding - busted

'Nott, will you stop bouncing your fucking leg?' Mattheo groaned. Theo rolled his eyes at his friends theatrics. To be perfectly honest, he couldn't care less if he was getting on Mattheo's nerves. His mind was preoccupied with other things. This had to be one of the worst days of his life - correction, the worst day of his life.

One would usually be overjoyed that one of their best friends was getting married today, but not Theo. And not when he had been in love with the aforementioned best friend for the best part of ten years.

'I can't just fucking sit here.' He huffed, slouching in his chair. The boys had originally been on their way to Y/N's wedding ceremony when Theo demanded to stop the car, declaring he couldn't go on to watch Y/N marry someone else. After giving him some cigarettes to try and calm him down and numerous attempts to coax him back into the car, it was decided that Blaise and Enzo would continue onto the wedding while Draco and Mattheo stayed with Theo for moral support. So here they sat, dressed fully in a suit and tie, in a dingey pub Salazar knows where.

'Either get your arse up and go to the wedding, or stop your moaning!' Draco snapped, finishing the rest of his drink. It was now Theo's turn to be dramatic as he groaned and threw his head back.

'You know I can't go to the wedding, Malfoy!'

'Yeah, mate. He's only been in love with her for ten years; watching her walk down the aisle to someone else probably isn't on his bucket list.' Mattheo chimed, making Theo groan again and drop his head onto the pub table before him.

'What the fuck do I do?' He mumbled.

Mattheo shrugged after a minute's silence. 'Could crash the wedding.'

Theo's head shot up, and Draco's eyes widened. 'What the fuck did you just say?'

'I said you could crash the wedding. Y'know, barge in and-'

'Yes, I know what wedding crashing is, Riddle!'

'Oh, no, you don't! Don't you dare be considering this!' Draco hissed at the two boys before him. 'You cannot ruin her big day!'

'No, no—think about it, Malfoy. This was an arranged marriage, right? Her parents organised the whole thing?' Theo asked, hopeful eyes turning to Draco as he now sat up straight.

'Yes.' Draco gritted out.

'So Y/N didn't really want to go along with this, did she?'

'Absolutley not, mate. No one ever wants to comply with a marriage arranged by their parents just to keep a pure blood line!' Mattheo nodded along as Draco glared at him.

'Why are you encouraging this, Riddle?! You can't ruin her day; she's your best friend too!'

'Which is exactly why I want her to be truly happy! Both of them!' He retorted. The trio were now getting strange looks from the other occupants of the pub, but they couldn't care less.

'Am I insane to be seriously considering this?' Theo mumbled.

'Yes!'

'Theo, you've been in love with the girl since, what, third year? Pretty sure she's been in love with you since then, too. Neither one of you has ever made a move—why? Not a fucking clue. But if you seriously want a chance with her, this is quite literally the last chance you're ever going to get.' Mattheo spoke, probably the most serious either Theo or Draco had ever seen the boy.

'He's right.' Both boys' eyes snapped towards Draco.

'Oh, caved now, have we?' Mattheo asked sarcastically, raising an eyebrow.

'Piss off, Riddle.' Draco huffed before turning back to Theo. 'But he is right. This is your final chance to admit it to her. You don't have to barge into the place, wand ready for combat and all, but once those words are spoken, you've lost her, mate.'

Theo's eyes darted between the two boys before him as he nervously chewed his fingertip. He stood abruptly, knocking his previously occupied chair to the ground. 'I'm going to fucking do it.'

'Y/N, you look absolutely stunning!' Pansy gushed as she stood behind the girl, lightly fixing her hair.

'Thanks Pans.' Pansy quirked an eyebrow as Y/N gave her a small smile through the mirror.

'Everything alright?'

'Y-yeah, no, I'm fine. Just nervous.'

'And you're sure you want to go through with this?' She asked, making Y/N frown at her best friend.

'Pansy.' She warned, making the brunette throw her hands up in surrender.

'I'm just checking, babes! It's my job to make sure you're all good!' Y/N turned and gave her a pointed look before both girls began giggling.

'I can't believe I'm getting married.'

'Me too. Come on, it's your time to shine.'

It was a relatively small wedding, with only a handful of guests from both the bride and groom. Y/N had to practically beg her father to let five of her friends attend.

Pansy made her way down the aisle first, arm linked with one of Jack's groomsmen. Smiling at her guests as she made eye contact, Y/N began her descent to the altar. Catching Enzo's eye, she laughed softly as he gave her a huge grin and a thumbs up. Her smile faded completely once she noticed the three seats next to Blaise and Enzo were empty—where were Mattheo, Draco, and most importantly, Theo? Could her best friend not even bother to show up for her wedding? Reaching the altar, she rapidly blinked the tears away before they could fall. 

'Are you alright?' Pansy whispered as Y/N handed her the bouquet of flowers she carried down the aisle, causing the bride-to-be to nod curtly and turn to the altar.

The officiant began his speech as Pansy's eyes flew around the room, narrowing when she spotted only her boyfriend Blaise and Enzo in the empty row of where her friends should be. They had better be dead, or I will kill them.

'If anyone wishes to object to this marriage, please speak now or-'

The poor officiant was cut off mid-sentence as the door swung open, causing Y/N to flinch and their guests to gasp. Whipping her head around, she saw the cause of the interruption. Theodore Nott stood slightly out of breath in the doorway she had not long come through herself, looking like a deer caught in headlights, with Draco and Mattheo behind him.

'Holy shit.' He breathed, staring at the girl before him. 

'Y/N, you... you look breath-taking...' The officiant cleared his throat, snapping Theo out of his trance as he looked around the room.

'Sorry! Sorry, uh, Y/N, can I borrow you for a second?' Y/N's eyes widened at the question.

'I'm kind of in the middle of something here, Theodore!' She hissed at the boy before her. Whirling around, she grabbed her soon-to-be-husband's hand and gestured for the officiant to continue.

'Oh, uh, yes! Yes. As I was saying, if anyone wishes to object to this marriage, please speak now or forever hold your peace.'

'I object!' The room filled with gasps and whispers as Theo shouted from the bottom of the aisle. Pansy's hand flew to her mouth, Blaise's eyes almost popped out of his head, and Enzo's jaw dropped. Mattheo stood grinning proudly behind Theo, while Draco's lips pursed.

'Theodore!' Y/N hissed again, whirling around to face her best friend with a thunderous look on her face.

'Please! Please, just hear me out, Y/N...' He begged, taking a step towards the altar, where she stood.

'I'm in love with you. So deeply, tragically, in love with you. You're all I ever think about, ever since that day in third-year potions when you had absolutely no clue what to do and asked if I could simplify the instructions for you. I thought to myself, how you were the most beautiful girl to ever roam the halls of Hogwarts, and that still stands true to this day.'

'You're the most beautiful girl to ever roam the entire earth. And not even just beauty; you are the smartest, funniest, and most caring person I have ever met in my entire life. And I'm sure anyone who has ever met you will one hundred percent agree with me when I say that you honestly light up any room you enter, even with just your smile.'

'And, quite frankly, I am the biggest fucking idiot on the planet because I have loved you, constantly, for over ten years, and I've never done a thing about it. I have so much to say, and I'm so fucking sorry that it's on your wedding day. I just had to tell you; I love you, Y/N'

The entire room was silent as Theo finished. He now stood a few steps below her, looking up into her eyes as she stared back at him with tears in her eyes, mouth opening and closing like a fish.

'Theo, I-I..'

'Fuck this.' Her groom mumbled, descending the few stairs and making his way back up the aisle. This seemed to snap Y/N out of her trance as she looked up from Theo's gaze after her groom.

'Jack - where are you going?'

'Come on; neither of us wanted this wedding; we were just doing it to please families. And I'm certainly not going to take that kind of love away from you.' He explained, nodding at Theo as he did so. Shooting her a wink, he turned and left the room, his family beginning to apparate out of the building after him.

Y/N blinked a few times before looking back to Theo, who she found was already staring up at her.

'I, I don't know what to say, Theo.' She whispered. He smiled as he took her hands, giving a light kiss to her knuckles.

'Mi amore, you don't have to say anything.' Y/N took a couple of steps down, becoming level with Theo as she placed her palms on either of his cheeks.

'It's taken me a moment to fully comprehend all of those lovely things you said about me, Theo. I guess I'm just overwhelmed, and that's why I can't find the words right now, but I just want to tell you that I love you too. So, so much, Theo. I love you so much.'

'Oh, thank Salazar.' He muttered before pulling her towards him and crashing his lips against hers. Y/N's arms moved around his neck as Theo's snaked around her waist, pulling her as close as he possibly could. The whooping and cheering of their friends broke the two apart as they pressed their foreheads together and grinned.

'Long time coming, eh, boys?'

'Berkshire, you owe me ten galleons; - told you they'd get together!'

silly little idea i had when i heard this song today

[king-crawler]

I know you have a Turbo themed playlist with 129 songs in it (well some of them are memes not songs but whatever) but what are your like, MOST Turbo songs? Give us your top 5-10 songs that represents him best.

OH BOY!! IM GLAD YOU ASKED!! ok here are my TOP 10 !!! i totally didnt edit this post like 5 separate times

Full playlist if you’re curious (may contain trash)

Again mostly just vibes but I really really like these if we’re considering Turbo specifically

Mariokart 8 Deluxe - Excitebike Arena

Here’s his silly TurboTime era. He’s so joyous and silly here he would never kill a man

Agent Orange - Bloodstains

This is peak RoadBlasters incident era Turbo. It really fits his “road rage aesthetic” idk LMFAO

Lemon Demon - Cabinet Man

Mandatory cabinet man. This is just his song. Every single lyric applies to him 😭 I like imagining “but there’s this tiny little box in Japan” is him finding out about RoadBlasters and “it’s getting lonely, it’s getting hard to breathe” is after he crashes it. Honorable mention I really like this cover by ANRY L STUDIOS whose videos also inspired the end of my own video :)

TWRP - Phantom Racer

SPEAKING OF ROAD RAGE LOL. THIS SONG IS SO FUN AND HONESTLY TIES 1ST PLACE WITH CABINET MAN.

Not only is every line extremely reflective of his murderous and competitive tendencies but it ALSO PERFECTLY PARALLELS HIS UNDEAD SYMBOLISM ?? WITH HIM BEING GHOSTLY/DEVILISH AND ALL…. AND EVEN HIS INFAMY/haunted legacy with the line “there’s something familiar about that car…” dude.

LAPFOX TRAX - The Queenstons - Terrible Ride

ok i was shy to add this one during my original ranking but it really is a top 10 Turbo song to me shhhh.. I love how nasty and dark the synths are and also the lyrics talking about going fast and the Aforementioned Ride (that is Terrible)

GHOST - cut the act (everything ruined in moments)

I Fucking LOVE this song oh my god it’s so glitchy and fucked up and dramatic and the entire title and even the artist being named “GHOST” just screams Turbo dude I can’t. This is his reveal scene song

Pendulum - Granite

I love dark electronic D&B or whatever the fuck this is it sounds so glitchy and evil this is PEAK TURBOCORE IDC

Oh yeah also the spooky ghost sounds at the beginning are a good touch

APAngryPiggy - Let Me Out

Ok hear me out the first 36 seconds of this one are fucking PEAK TURBO and it even parallels with how he gets burned alive at the end of the movie . then it kinda divulges back into Obvious Fnaf song material but I’m adding it because the intro is just that good. I’m gonna do a backflip

My Chemical Romance - The End.

The “YOU CAN’T SAVE ME” is what really gets me. Turbo was too far gone the moment he felt the spotlight and he lost himself entirely. Fucking tragic and raw song, I cannot get enough of how it channels his anger and his fear of dying hated by everyone.

…

ANYWAYS THANKS FOR ASKING TEEHEE !!!!🌈❤️

BONUS: MaimyMayo - FNF: ARCADE ARCHIVES vs Turbotastic

this is actually the only Real Turbo song (official) and I LOVE it so much its so goddamn catchy

[oshygoshy]

6:37 pm

word count - 907 words

warnings - kuroo is a loser also shitty writing, not proof read much

a/n - happy bday kuroo this is ass lowkey but i'm sorry i'm trying my best. i hate university i'm so busy and stressed but at least my suitemate got a kitty and she's so soft and warm and cute slay

anyways yeah kuroos a loser with no rizz...sorry. he's kicking his feet and giggling over 1 (one) interaction

there was a man. in your spot. at the library.

it was (unfortunately) finals week, meaning you were one more quiz away from a certified crash out, and one more discussion post away from taking a swan dive off the closest bridge. your left eye was twitching, you were running on less than the healthy 8 hours of sleep, and you were drinking your second energy drink of the day.

you were supposed to go to the library on campus to Your Spot, the one you have reigned supreme over for the past few months. it was quiet, on the 4th floor, away from everybody working on group projects below. it was secluded, off in the corner. it had a nice charging block with multiple outlets available, and it had a pretty view of some trees with some sunlight that would warm you as day faded into night.

it was perfect. it was beautiful.

and it was currently being taken by some guy.

your eye twitched again. you debated shoving him out of your chair, or pouring your drink over his computer, or maybe just glaring at him and biting his shoulder like a rabid animal (the aforementioned crash out from above), but you recognize that starting and escalating an altercation is not productive, and also that a homicide charge won't add anything to your gpa.

so you sighed, resigned, before making your way to the empty table a few feet from Your Spot. but you decided to do some investigative research (read: spying) to figure out what could possibly be so important for this man to study that he needed to take Your Spot. you quickly peek over his shoulder, scanning for his notes and computer.

“net profit…statistical probability…essay for…”

your eye twitches again. statistical probability? net profit? no fucking way Your Spot was taken by a business major?? a finance bro? an absolute buffoon?? did they even have finals, other than a coloring page? 

fuck you, mysterious business guy. fuck you. 

you were just about to leave when your eyes left his desk-

-and locked eyes with him. 

he...he caught you staring!!

wait. no. you caught him stealing your spot, and then you decided to snoop a bit, rightfully so! he's in the wrong here!!

"um, do you need something?" he asked, an easy smile on his lips. 

his eyes were hazel with golden depths, and though his hair was messy and his eyes tired, you could still see the gleam of a piercing (and honestly, kind of hot) look to them. 

"...no," you say. 

"you can have this table, if you want," he said, beginning to pack up. "i'm almost done here anyway." 

"oh no, you don't have to-"

"but don't you sit here everyday to study?" he whispered, standing up. you realized just then how tall he was. 

you catch his words after a second (you were not distracted by the height difference!), and stare at him hard. "what are you, a stalker? how do you know where i sit?"

he shrugged, zipping up his bag and hoisting it onto his shoulder. "well you sit in the same spot on the same floor like clockwork every night, so it's kind of hard not to not notice."

you rack your brain, trying to remember if you ever saw a guy like him sitting nearby you in the library. it would be hard to forget someone who looked like him (respectfully, and because he is tall and for no other reason!!!), but for some reason, you couldn't remember seeing him at all. maybe he really was a stalker?? "well why did you decide to take my spot then anyway, stalker?" you huff, annoyed. 

he had started leaving by now, and brushed your shoulder on the way out. he looked over his shoulder with a smile full of charm. 

"because i wanted an excuse to talk to someone pretty like you, of course," he said with a grin. "see you next week."

he left his crush standing jaw open as he nonchalantly scurried away. jesus christ, he never realized just how hard his heart would beat when he spoke to you.

he liked how focused you looked when you worked on your assignments, or how your finger tapped restlessly against your pencil when you came across something difficult. it was just a little school crush, really, and he shouldn't be looking too much into it. but when he got to the library today and saw someone had stolen his spot a few tables away, meaning that he could sit in yours and get an excuse to talk to you...well, he was just a little bit giddy.

he opened the old groupchat from his high school days. a lot of his friends from nekoma were busy with their own lives, but they still kept in touch to this day.

kuroo: guess who go to talk to their crush todayyyy yaku: you finally gained the guts? wow, how impressive. i'm sure they're head over heels for you now. kai: congratulations on saying hi!! kenma: stalker kuroo: i hate all of you.

he couldn't contain his little giggle. maybe next time, he would have the confidence to ask to sit next to you.

[lauren-ce]

Ideal City is hilarious. The main conflict is an architecture spat between a minimalist and a maximalist, and the big issue they're fighting over is whether or not to demolish a waterslide that's in the way of a bridge. That's like, the whole plot??

Like! What the fuck am I reading?

Anyway, here's some more bits that made me laugh:

Out of context Gavial:

The psychic damage I received from seeing this character and then reading their name:

Gavial (™️):

The aforementioned maximalist and minimalist arguing over who gets to be the architect that fixes the dome they all live in:

Stitch: I don't give a fuck, do what you want with the dome.

Catch: I'm gonna make it a kaleidoscope!

Stitch: I'm gonna fucking kill you if you so much as touch MY dome

The gang decide to have a swimming race, but it's the most stupid setup of all time because the racers are:

Gavial (with an old man on her back)

Pozëmka (who never bothered to change out of her long, flowing robes)

Elysium (who has done LITERALLY nothing but get hammered since he got there)

All the while, the Durin make a big Durin tower so the Race Commentator With The Silly Name can see the racers, and the obvious happens (since they're all hammered)

And just when Gavial is about to win the race, oh my god!!! It's Minimalist with a speedboat!!!

Except he's so bad at driving that even though he wins, he loses control of his ride and crashes the boat straight into the wall (the boat is called Ale Keg, btw)

(And actually the Durin decide that the boat won, since Mininalist lost control of it)

Even when the plot actually decides to kick in (there's an Originium vein about 500m from the city that's about to explode), it does so with incredible anticlimax.

Gavial: You all need to evacuate.

300,000+ Durin: You want us to leave this Ideal City, this paradise in which we do nothing but get sloshed and play in the water, and maaaaybe work 2 hours a week? The city we build with our own hands? You want us to leave that all behind and rough it on the surface?

Gavial: Pretty much

300,000+ Durin: That seems reasonable! We don't wanna die after all. Lead the way (:

Then it comes up that Acahualla will need a new Lord Ameer to provide stability and unification (so that the rest of Sargon keeps minding their own business once all those Durin are aboveground and introducing their advanced tech to the surface)

Gavial: Hey Inam, my best buddy, remember how I made you the Great Chief at the last minute at the end of "Great Chief Returns"?

Inam: We're doing a rerun of that?

Gavial: Yeah.

Inam: So I'm the Lord Ameer now?

Gavial: Teehee~

The evacuation goes off without a hitch, and gasp! The Durin decide to stop drinking alcohol until their new, aboveground city is built.

And that's it (:

[atticsandwich]

but you come back to what you need

pairing: mephistopheles / gn! reader (mc)

fluff, tension, mephisto's usual tsun tendencies, mc annoying their way into mephisto's heart etc etc

it's not your fault you enjoy crashing at the newspaper club room for your midday breaks. it's also definitely not your fault for pretending to be asleep when he plants a gentle kiss on your forehead, so it really can't be helped that you're trying to figure out how to get more.

i finally finished it LMFAO... i am so sorry for the delay fellow mephisto lovers....

prompt based off of this tiktok reddit video, although it took its own form eventually. (please give it a listen though it's way too fucking cute)

—

"You're here again?" Mephistopheles groans, seemingly annoyed, putting his pen down as you waltz into his office at the newspaper club room. It's spacious— almost as big as Lucifer's study back at home. You immediately find your place at the seating couch situated at the office's side, feeling your body sink into the soft cushion.

"Previous class drained the hell out of me," you groan, watching the demon across you roll his eyes. "I have a week to list out a bunch of plants I've never heard of and their most effective usage. Potions and stuff," you continue anyway.

"Hmph," he ignores the way you blatantly disregard his posed grievance of your visit, trying to return his focus to his paperwork. "...I have some books on Devildom botany on the second shelf."

You stop yourself from laughing at his attempts at being dismissive— as much as he hates admitting it, you eventually figure out that he doesn't mind your daily visits; an occurence that started out of pure accident, no less.

-

[You recall the first time you barged into his office, out of breath, narrowly escaping Solomon's pure-hearted attempt of making you a surprise lunchbox. You love the sorcerer, you truly do, but you weren't in the mood to have your stomach collapsing onto itself for the next three days. You could only be thankful Simeon gave you a heads up about his plan so you could avoid him during lunch, knowing well enough of your inability to refuse.

"Do me a favor and don't let Solomon know I'm here," he didn't get a chance to retort before you dived to hide behind his chair, just in time as someone started knocking on the office door. With a huff of defeat, he grants the knocker entry— who turned out, to be in fact, the aforementioned sorcerer.

"Mephisto, have you seen my apprentice around? I was meaning to give them homemade lunch, but they ran off right as the bell rang," clearly, the sorcerer was earnest in his actions, but even the demon could feel the malevolent aura emanating from the supposed 'lunch box'.

"No, I have not. I doubt they would come here of their own volition, more especially during break period," he quirked an eyebrow, trying to ignore the almost-vice grip you had on the back of his coat.

"Hm..." Solomon pondered for a second. "That's weird. I thought I saw them run in this direction... I must have been mistaken, then. Thank you anyway, Mephisto!" with that, the clueless sorcerer turned to leave, and it is only when you hear his footsteps fade into the hallways that you breathe a sigh of relief.

Clearing his throat, the demon looks down behind him, and you flash him a bright grin. "I owe you one, Mephisto! You're the best!" you say before quickly wrapping yourself around his back, dashing out of the office before he could say anything in return.

He's relieved you just barely miss the way his face flusters, and the small goofy smile that creeps its way to his face after he double-checks that you're out of periphery.]

-

You couldn't stop yourself from giggling at the memory while picking out the book from the shelf Mephisto directed to. It's been a few months since then, and although your visits started off sporadic, it eventually became a daily thing— much to the demon's proclaimed inconvenience. A facade, considering no annoyed demon would start keeping an extra teacup in his office that wasn't Diavalo's spare, which just so happened to be your favorite color. Or the fact that that his record player started having your favorite music on rotation— a complete coincidence!— he exclaimed in defense when you pointed it out one day. Or even the fact that his seating area, which once felt like a completely separate space from his work desk, was slightly rearranged so the sofa just so happened to be in a closer, more comfortable viewing and talking range— not to mention the blanket draped over the backrest which also just so happened to be perfect for midday naps.

"—And what might you laughing about? I doubt a book on botany is hardly a comedic masterpiece," he quips, pulling your attention away from the book.

"Mmm," you shift your angle slightly to look at him better. "Just remembered something funny, is all."

Rolling his eyes, he gets up from his chair to the room's small tea station, where a pair of teacups are set out, a tray of snacks also already conveniently prepared.

"Barbatos gave me this blend the other day, it's supposed to help out with stress. I'm guessing it'll be useful for Lord Diavolo as well."

"Mhm," you nod along, your focus already returned to your botany study.

You hear him mumble an incantation— probably some sort of heat spell to boil water, and it's not long after that he sets your cup on the coffee table, along with a select pick of snacks you usually went for first. You would've teased him about how he knows exactly which ones you go for it if not for the fact that you're fully engrossed with Devildom's botany, making steady progress on your assignment.

"Thanks!" the faint scent of something familiar hits your senses, though you couldn't quite put a name on it. "Mm, this tea is quite fragrant."

"If I recall, it's some sort of human realm fruit essence infused in the blend," he explains, taking a book from one of the shelves, sitting down across from you. "Bergamot, I think it was? I took a little sip earlier, and it's pretty good; although I expect nothing less from Barbatos."

"Ah, that's what it was. I knew it smelt familiar."

He mumbles something incoherently, though you can barely make out the words 'humans' and 'calming effects of familiar scents'. It really is laughable how he still feigns not caring.

"Done with newspaper work already? It's rare for you to take a break at this time of day," holding back a laugh at his ridiculousness, you notice a more faintly lax expression on his face.

"I'm already a bit ahead in progress, so I can afford a small break. On the other hand, I didn't think botany would catch your interest," he points out.

"There’s a lot of cool stuff here! I didn't think I'd enjoy researching it this much. Plants in the human realm just kinda... grow?... with some exceptions, of course," with that, you start listing off the ones you chose for your assignment, particularly enthused about plants often used for traditional and ceremonial practices.

Before long, you managed to finish more than half of your task, all that's left being to actually put it in paper. Tea drank and snacks consumed, you let out a pleased sigh before letting out a yawn and a stretch. Without a word, Mephisto stands to return both your book and his back to the shelf. This time, he pulls out a record from the display and goes to play it, which you instantly recognize as a record you recommended to him some weeks ago. Before you can bring it up, he throws a glare your way, preemptively sensing the teasing that was bound to come out of your mouth. You laugh at him instead, sparing him actual words (for now).

"Fine, fine, I'll shut up and just take a nap. Happy, newspaper boy?"

Groaning at the nickname, he walks over back to his desk. "Do whatever you want. And I already told you to stop calling me that."

"Mmhm," is all you can say, already comfortably in place with the couch blanket draped over yourself, the soft music from the phonograph combined with being filled from the tea and snacks already starting to lull you into deep relaxation. You hear Mephisto grumble something, and you notice his gaze towards you when you turned your head to look at him— one he quickly broke, pretending he wasn't caught.

"Did'ya say something?" your eyelids grow heavy, sleep starting to take over.

"...Nothing. I'll wake you up before your next class."

"I know you will," you mumble before dreaming away.

—

You're not certain how long you dozed off, but the slight shuffling of an office chair lulled you out of dreamland. Still being sleepy however, your eyes opted to remain closed, hoping to grasp every second of slumber before your afternoon classes. They remained closed when you hear a familiar demon's grumbling noises as he threw another batch of proposal articles in the bin, and they remained close when you sense him quietly walk over to you, his form slowly leaning down over your face. He's so close that you could feel his breath tickle your nose, and you might be hallucinating it, but you think you feel his heart beating a mile a minute.

"Tsk..." you hear him huff out, fingers carefully tucking your hair off your face.

"...I'll never understand why you keep coming back to me," this time, his tone is a lot more soft, you almost didn't recognize it. Half your conscience is telling you to come clean and open your eyes, but you suck it and keep up the act, wanting to see where it goes. You just hope he doesn't notice your own heart beating a mile a minute. You sense him inch closer

"What am I saying..." he whispers to himself.

"...Please keep coming back to me."

In what felt like a blur, you feel the warmth of his lips silently land on the center of your forehead. He lingers there for a few seconds, before you feel him pull away.

Come back, is what you wanted to say, but words have left your throat, and you almost forget you're supposed to be pretending to be asleep.

"...Ugh," he huffs out again, feeling his hair tickle your neck as he lays his head next to yours in exasperation. He snaps out of it in a flash, and you think it slipped his mind that he wasn't supposed to be caught— so much for that anyway, you think. He walks back to his desk, mumbling to himself, and before your mind could start overthinking about what just happened, you slowly sink back into comfort, the last string of thought your mind provided was how much you wanted him to do it again.

—

You wake up fully this time, by Mephisto snatching the blanket from your sleeping form— keep it up and you'll be late for your last class!, he chastises, and you only groan out a pleading 'five more minutes,' in response.

It's not until a few minutes after you get up that it clicks— that wasn't a dream.

Mephistopheles really kissed you in your sleep.

Sure, it was on your forehead, but now you can't help but continue thinking about it. You thought about it as you waved him goodbye as you left the club room, you thought about it the whole time in class, and you thought about it all the way back to the HoL, where you finally let out a muffled scream as you buried your head in your pillow.

You want him to do it again. You wanted him to kiss your forehead, then your cheek, then your—

"Hey, dinner's ready!~" Asmodeus' intrusion cut off your thoughts, but you couldn't even be bothered to care about dinner.

"Hey Asmo?" you ask. The Avatar of Lust perks his brow up in acknowledgment.

"Yes dear?~" it's scary how it's like he can sense what you were thinking...

"...You got any ideas how to get someone to kiss you while awake and not asleep on his couch?"

[badsexbingo]

What Does X Prompt Mean?

You can interpret them however you want! But, I did write them to be funny rather than clear, so check out my thoughts below, if you want more guidance.

Safewording

What is says on the tin — having to safeword in a BDSM situation. If you’re unfamiliar, it’s like an official time out to say “whoa I need to stop.” Safewords are important and it’s important to be comfortable using them, but also like. Ideally you’re not gonna use them.

Subdrop

Post scene endorphin crash on the part of a submissive partner in a BDSM situation, but frankly it happens outside of that too 😬 and if you’re not in a BDSM situation your jerk boyfriend might say “hey I have to study now thanks for the BJ” and kick you out of his dorm. For random example.

Topdrop

Similar thing but for the top. Hell just check out the BDSM wiki. This pairs great with that tumblr post about subs talking their tops into doing buckwild shit.

Wardrobe malfunction

Idk maybe the sexy lingerie snapped. Maybe the subtle public play got less subtle because your skirt blew up and now everyone knows you’ve got a fox tail butt plug in. Maybe your edible underwear dissolved.

Furniture break

Breaking the bed always SOUNDS sexy but then you’ve got to fix your fucking bed. Or maybe your ikea table didn’t hold up 400lbs of man meat and now you’ve thrown out your back.

Embarrassing ER trip

This could be the classic “lost a dildo without a flared base up the ass” or you could get into more esoteric objects. Or more esoteric sex related injuries.

Capsaicin problems (hot sauce + head)

You ever cut up hot peppers, not wash your hands, and touch your eye? Same effect. Somebody is eating something spicy and goes down on delicate mucous membranes. Could be hand stuff too I suppose!

Awkward dirty talk

I think this is pretty self explanatory. Not everybody is good at dirty talk — also like, it can be one of those things where you have to be in the mood and have aligned tastes.

Someone called the cops on your scene

Did your subs elaborate kidnapping fantasy get too real for bystanders? Did a concerned neighbor overhear screaming? Idk.

Came too soon

You can recover soooo easily from coming too soon if you have like an ounce of suave in you. But plenty of people don’t! And get embarrassed and leave.

Can't get it up / can't get wet

Opposite problem. Maybe your penis-having pal has whiskey dick. Maybe your vagina-having friend has an undiagnosed case of vaginismus!

Theory was hotter than practice

Maybe you saw that move online and thought it would be soooo cool and sexy but then once you tried it out you were just hanging out in a wizard robe that now has pee on it.

Not enough fiber in your diet

We skip prepping for anal in fiction without consequences, but IRL sometimes you see poop when you don’t necessarily want to see poop. Or this could just be straight up about getting diarrhea and having to make a break for it during sex.

Condom break

We’re y’all not fluid bonded? Oops better move up the STD screens. Do yall need to do a plan B run? Do you have all the pieces of that condom or do you need to go fishing?

Just calling to say I have herpes

It’s pretty common and nothing to be ashamed of, but lbr this conversations going to suck and you might feel ashamed.

Lost the handcuff keys

Handcuffs, soooo sexy. Or manacles. Or whatever. But they have overstayed their welcome and now you’re stuck to the bed.

I can't go to work like this!

But you must! Maybe you’ve got too many hickies to hide, maybe you got an inadvisable sex themed tattoo, maybe you’re still stuck in aforementioned handcuffs.

Leaving mid sex

Sometimes the sex is bad enough that you can break through social protocols telling you to avoid hurting their feelings and remember — you can just leave!

Bodies making funny noises

Queefing! Macaroni sounds! Farting sounds! Somebody has bad gas or is really hungry. Bodies are funny.

That's not lube

Maybe you’ve got too many different things in pump bottles next to each other and accidentally grabbed say, the tea tree oil and put that all over an unsuspecting and sensitive mucous membrane.

Roleplaying into a real argument

Something that was said in a scene landed a little too close to home and now we’re fighting.

Faking orgasms

Sometimes it’s the polite thing to do to move things along, but there’s some baggage here.

I came to do sex not therapy

Maybe your partner keeps trying to psychoanalyze you, or they’re legitimately trying to talk about something that hurt their feelings. Either way, that’s not what you’re here for!

Wish you'd get off the phone

There’s so many distractions in this day and age — yeah you’re getting head, but what if that text was important?

Sex toy over promised & under-delivered

Maybe you spent 1k+ on a sybian and found out you don’t like sybians. Maybe you eagerly started jacking it, ready to try out this new toy and it started smoking. Maybe you just can’t cum with this thing.

That's how you get ants (food in the bedroom)

Food in the bedroom! I hope you thought about clean up. Or made sure you weren’t gonna get a yeast infection.

Bad aim (cum)

Oh great, now there’s cum in your [eye/freshly permed hair/grandmothers antique quilt that you don’t know how to clean]

This [PLACE] is too gross to bang in

You came to hook up, but then you saw what their place looked like…. Yikes…

Porn-based expectations

You can’t go ass to mouth without them getting upset?? Choking isn’t okay without talking about it??? They don’t like being called a slut????? He’s not 12 inches????????

Wrong name

People get really upset if you say like, their siblings name in bed. Or your ex’s. Or their ex’s.

Peeping pets

If you lock the door, the dogs gonna wind up scratching and whining and howling. If you don’t, you’re gonna get a surprise threesome by way of an unexpected wet nose at your ass.

Oops I used to bang your [RELATION]

It’s not ideal for a hookup to have slept with other people in your family, but if your date was fucking like, your mom, that’s maybe worse.

Stop talking about my parents

What, you don’t want to think about your folks while getting off?

Lazy partner

Some people actually prefer this in their partners! But some people don’t.

Mid coitus diagnosis

Finally hooked up with that hot MD and he goes “wow these shouldn’t be different sizes”

Bad aim (dick/dildo)

Actually kind of easy to go for the wrong hole if you’ve got more than one down there! Whoops. Could put someone’s eye out with that thing.

Insurmountable size difference

Maybe your eyes were bigger than your asshole when you ordered that dildo? Or maybe Stuart little shouldn’t be hooking up with Colossus.

Zero chemistry coitus

Sometimes the spark just ain’t there.

Accidental somnophilia

Somnophilia refers to a kink for having sex while one party is asleep or sleepy. Accidental could indicate one party fell asleep mid sex, but hey, some people actually initiate sex in their sleep.

Porn dialogue

Sexy plumber roleplay anyone??? Could relate to bad dirty talk.

Tastes funky

Sometimes bodies taste bad. Sometimes your lube does too.

Bad sex playlist

Straight up inspired by that one reddit post of the guy asking if the music he played was that bad.

Unearned confidence

Really awkward when they come in acting like a sex god and can’t deliver.

Only one of us is taking this scene seriously

You finally talk them into founding fathers roleplay and then they don’t even do a modicum of research :(

Let me google this real quick

Maybe the knotwork on your shibari has gotten out of hand. Maybe you need instructions for the fuck machine. Idk.

Inadvisable lay

There’s a variety of reasons you maybe shouldn’t sleep with someone and do anyways. Maybe you just have to see them on the way to work all the time now and they’re not taking a hint and you know what their weird birthmark looks like now.

Suddenly toe sucking (unexpected/undisclosed kinks)

I’m not kink shaming, I just wasn’t expecting that to go there so suddenly!! Some warning maybe! People have different ideas of what’s a totally normal way for things to go.

[RELATION] walking in on you

Hey people are living with their parents later and later!

Should have kept up on cardio

Sex is actually pretty athletic. This could turn into a medical emergency, or maybe we just need to take a break for gatorade and snacks.

[KINK] logistics are too complicated

Sometimes hanging a sex swing necessitates figuring out where a beam is in your ceiling and also maybe you’re supposed to get permission from your landlord, and —

Orgasm disparity

Somebody is getting off way more than somebody else, and not everyone is happy about it.

[asheurbanipal]

'Cause I don't want to leave the comfort of this place

on Ao3

<<Previous Episode : Next Episode>>

Summary:

As their relationship moves forward, Logan and Wade start to see what being together actually looks like. Wade has a brain that doesn't work correctly. Logan is still dealing with the trauma of his previous existence. And in the middle is something new that neither quite know what to do with.

Deadpool/Wolverine

Explicit

Words: 8629

One-shot in series

Content: angst, talk of memory loss, baby in danger!, hand stuff, hand stuff while driving, dad vibes, sex jokes

"Wade, how can I put this delicately…" 

"Why the hell are you here for breakfast, again?" 

Logan choked on his bite of eggs. Hank's attempts at the aforementioned delicacy were completely obliterated by Scott's irritation. He tried to swallow faster to answer.

"Man needs a hearty meal after getting ruthlessly fucked all night," Wade answered. From beside him, Wade reached his foot over and wove it around Logan's ankle. 

"Please don't be so crass in the manor," Hank admonished, returning to his toast. Scott rolled his eyes behind his glasses. They had sense enough to not take Wade at literal face value and snap at the bait, but he wasn't exactly lying. Logan wasn't quite sure where their perception of his and Wade's relationship had landed. No one talked about that kind of shit like adults in this goddamn place. He hadn't realized how annoying that was until he had some distance from it.

"We were running drills in the Danger Room." Logan tapped his fork to his plate nonchalantly. "We run it hard, and it's two hours back to his place. I didn't think it was a big deal for him to crash in my room, instead." 

Another technical truth. Between the Void and that stupid robot thing upstate, he could feel the way his body had slowed down from disuse. If he was going to keep up in this timeline, he needed to get back in fighting shape. He had finally just taken up the offer of private simulation time. Throwing Deadpool into the mix just made it more interesting and upped the difficulty. 

What the simulation computer data logs wouldn't show, though, is that after a couple hours of nighttime training, they were both so amped up the only way to reign it in was to go back to Logan's room and put their dicks in each other in various fashions. They almost didn't make it back to Logan's room one time before he remembered the simulation chamber had very good cameras. 

"If it's a matter of food stock…" Logan offered vaguely.

"No, it's fine." Scott waved him off, but he was still agitated.

"What's up, Cy-boy? Did-wait-" Wade leaned over. He didn't have to come far, his chair already practically touching Logan's.

"What's the Jean situation, right now?" he whispered way too fucking loud.

 "It's complicated," Logan responded with a small nod.

 "Then I'll check the Wiki before I come back to that one. Don't want to insult a grieving maybe-widower."

"I admire your restraint," Scott chuffed then pushed back from the table, standing. "Don't let him out of your sight while he's in the manor." He sauntered through the arch toward the parlor. 

"I hadn't planned on it." Logan lifted his eyebrows at the space where Scott had just been. 

"If you're really in that much need, I'm happy to train with you, Logan." Storm had been quiet, holding her coffee mug with two hands as she sipped it. She kept looking at him softly. From his Storm it would have been affection. From this one it felt like pity.

Logan shook his head, dipping it back to his plate as casually as he could.

"No, I've been overdoing it. Wade already got on me last night about it."

"Multiple times," Wade added. His foot was still hooked around Logan's, and he pulled it a little closer under the table. He was in slippers, so it wasn't exactly a graceful action.

"If you want me to be able to do more cohesive teamwork, I am going to need to start being pulled for team training. Otherwise I'm not gonna be any good to you." Logan tapped very sharply on the plate. 

"Let me talk to everyone about it," Storm said softly, nodding. They'd been doing that. Saying they'd all "talk" about it, meanwhile no one would talk to him directly.

"Can I borrow one of the cars again? To take Wade back. He's got a job to prep for." Logan lifted Wade's foot where it rested on top of his, ignoring the way the rest of the table briefly flicked away from mention of Wade's return to his old vocation. Not like he could work at CarMax, anymore, and if he was going to wear the suit again, might as well slip back into the merc life. 

"Let me see what's available," Hank nodded. Which was code for "what we're willing to part with on the chance that something goes horrifically wrong." They'd all heard about the mini-van incident. Somehow…

He glanced at Wade. 

"Thanks," he said.

"When are you gonna be back?" Laura appeared in the same arch of doorway that Scott had left through, eating an apple off one of her claws. The kid had settled in quickly, blending with the younger cohort. Some of them knew her story, some of them didn't. Either way, she had gone through the standard new student fare. Get through the initial hazing, then she was part of the crowd. 

She was certainly more at home than he was. 

His first week back in the mansion, he had hovered at a distance, unexpected fatherly affection pulling him into a wide orbit around her. He also didn't know this younger generation of mutants. They were their own people to him, not sickly mirrors of the people he once knew. That made them easier to be around.

But he was an old man, and Laura needed the space. Deserved the space. Deserved to be just a kid. 

She continued to wait for his answer as he considered his day. He half-glanced at Wade, but he was focusing intensely on his bagel with strawberry cream cheese. 

"If not by dinner, then right after. Take Wade back. Run a couple errands. Then back here." The errands were making sure Wade had food in the fridge, Althea hadn't OD'd, and filling up the coin jar with quarters for the laundromat. Maybe vacuum and mop. Take Puppins for a walk and check her treat stash. They must have functioned before he showed up, but he wasn't sure how.

If there was time, there'd also be some making out on the couch at minimum. How much farther that got would depend on Wade's timeframe. 

"You askin' for a specific reason?" Logan raised an eyebrow at her. 

"Because I also need to do some training, and you're the only one I can go all out on, right now. But you've been...busy." The next bit of apple crunched loudly. The first emotion the broiled up was anger. He didn't know where it came from and it wasn't useful, so he breathed through it. That's what the on-staff therapist recommended. 

"I apologize for not being available. But in the future, please tell me if there's something you need from me. Open communication and…stuff." Logan replayed the words in his head to make sure he had crafted them okay. Good enough. He was getting a little better at it.

"Now that is some beautiful therapy speak. You should weaponize that, kitten whiskers." Wade poked him in the cheek. 

"If you actually went to your appointments…"

"Uh-unh, that's not an 'I feel' statement." 

"I feel like I'm gonna kick your ass in a minute." Logan kicked Wade's foot under the table with a grin. 

 "I feel you use violence to mask your overwhelming urge to suck my cock."

"WADE, THIS IS A PLACE OF LEARNING!" Hank interjected. 

"I feel like you're both stupid as fuck," Laura finished. "But I guess that just means you're made for each other." She took another bite of apple. "I'll see you tonight, Logan."

"Bye, kid." But she was already turning the corner of the wall. 

#####

Everything was light and bright and fluffy and yellow colored. He couldn't remember the last time he felt good . Genuinely. Whatever memory that might have been was now just a fuzzy gray space. He hated when that happened. 

Cold as fuck down here, Christ. Which is me, I guess. I wonder if that's blasphemy. 

"You were quieter than usual at breakfast." Logan tapped his fingers to Wade's palm as they moved through one of the basement hallways toward the motor pool. "Fucking weird, honestly." Wade dipped his hand into Logan's and curled their fingers together.

"I was just thinking about stuff."

"Thinking? Dangerous." 

"Surprise myself with that sometimes, too." Wade swung their arms in the space between them dramatically. "Just…I don't know…thinking about the job tonight, I guess? Then some other stuff."

"Something you need to talk about? Work through your feelings?"

"Ew no. Gross. It's more like…hm…" 

Fuck. 

Keep being told to think before I speak, and the first time I do it, it doesn't work. I spent all of breakfast putting the words together, and now they're all garbled. Shoulda written it down. Wish I could write. 

"You ever feel lost?" Wade asked. Logan stopped cold in the hallway. 

"Babe," Logan  murmured. Then he did this thing that Wade knew was going in the spank bank immediately. He slammed Wade back against the wall, metal cold on his spine. Logan pressed up tight against him, hip to hip, giving him an immediate hard-on. Logan's hands slipped around his waist. 

"My life is just one long sequence of feeling lost with short periods of knowing what I'm doing. So…kind of an expert." Logan pressed his lips to Wade, and Wade dragged him in in response, deepening the kiss. 

I love this.

I hate this.

I hate that I love this.

Fuck these fucking stupid fuck-ass emotions.  

Falling in love with Vanessa had been from before The Cancer. Before The Healing Factor. Wade knew how to do all that shit, knew how to put his boyish charm and adult-ish mouth to work. From what he had learned since coming back from the Void, other versions of Deadpool had mixed but overall successful amorous experiences, too. This particular Deadpool was drowning.  

Logan pulled away but not before pressing a few small kisses along Wade's jaw and cheek. 

"Anything I can do to help?" Logan squeezed him around the waist a little tighter, dropping his hands a little lower to rest on the top of his hips. 

"Make me an X-Man so I have a salaried position?" Wade offered.

"You're not a full-on mutant. Also…I don't have control over that even if you were." The words went up at the end like a question. It was so fucking cute. 

"Alright then maybe just this, for now." Wade leaned down, pressed his face into Logan's chest, then motorboated the shit out of his pecs for about forty-five seconds. He stayed there, pressing his nose into Logan's shirt and breathing him in. 

Oh yeah, that's a thousand times better, already. 

"You're lucky you're cute." Logan kissed Wade on the top of the head and brought his arms around Wade's back, squeezing him tighter. 

"Logan." The voice came from down the hallway. Logan snapped back, his whole body releasing Wade at once and very literally jumping halfway across the width of the hall. 

Well that doesn't feel great, but I sort of get it. 

At least the fucker looked contrite, doing that fist squeeze thing with this hands that he did when he was every so slightly nervous. Scott sauntered down the hallway, stopping short to toss a set of keys that Logan caught mid-air. 

"Civic's gassed up." He glanced at Wade. "Take as much time as you need."

#####

Logan squeezed the steering wheel hard enough the shape of his claws became visible under his skin. The radio was doing a best of the nineties hour, and he'd already sat through a who's who of pop diva and boy bands of the era. Multiple times he'd considered changing it, but Wade was a little too invested in singing along. He didn't want to take that from him.

It was also, dare he say it, kind of fun?    

When the opening riff of a smooth rock song started, Wade scrambled to change it, his chatter breaking off into something about "blow jobs" and "Kid Rock." They ended up on a talk radio station that was a little less nerve-wracking. He leaned back into the seat as Wade provided a parallel commentary with the show host.

He lifted his hand from the wheel and placed it palm up across the center console. Wade took the opening and dropped his hand into Logan's.

"I'm sorry about the thing in the hallway outside the motor pool," Logan said, chewing the words in embarrassment. 

"Whatchu talkin' 'bout?" 

Logan considered for a moment whether Wade was deflecting or he genuinely didn't catch it. They were both equally likely. 

"When Scott showed up?" He hinted. 

"OH! Oh that. No biggie, sugar bean." He squeezed Logan's hand tight enough to break a hand made of regular bone. "No grab-ass in the mansion. I get it." 

"Well, yeah that." Logan ran his thumb over the back of Wade's hand. "I don't know what their Logan was like, but I used to…uh…get around a little bit."

"You slut!" Wade gasped. Logan certainly wasn't going to deny it.

"Charles used to get on my ass about it-"

"In the sexy way, I hope."

"-'we have to be models of decency for the students' he'd remind me. He never threatened to kick me out, or anything." 

"He was probably waiting for his turn." 

"I'm on thin ice, here, though. They only invited me back on the team as a courtesy, and they don't know how to feel about you, yet."

"Oh, no, they hate me," Wade said.

"I was trying to be nicer about it." Logan glanced at him out of the corner of his eye. Wade was staring out the window, watching the landscape. "I haven't really done the physical affection thing in awhile, either. So I'm gun-shy, but I want to work on it. Just go a little slow with me."

"I'm not exactly the touchy feely type, either, peanut, so don't stress over it."

"You slap my ass basically every chance you get." 

"That's a totally different thing. I don't know how anyone in that house keeps their hands off those rosy peaches." He smirked and winked. There was something glinting dark underneath, though. Maybe that meant Wade would spend his time thinking instead of filling up the car with noise. 

Wade pulled Logan's hand further over the console. He heard a zip, then his hand was curled around the warmth of Wade's half-hard cock. 

"Are we really doing this?" Logan didn't dare drop his eyes from the road for too long, but he took half a chance to verify that what he thought was happening was actually happening. 

"When I tried to give you head the last time, you stabbed me in the ribs."

"Because I didn't want to drive us into a fucking tree, and that was the only way to get you to stop."

"Yeah, so that's why I'm doing this instead. Just let me do all the work." 

"You're deflecting from something. You need to start using your words to communicate, not your dick."

"Ngh, I'll work on it." Wade was already grunting, tiny little moans as he pressed Logan's hand around his dick and stroked himself. It was a shoddy and fast thing, Wade getting hard quickly and tensing toward completion just as fast. Wade orgasmed with barely a trickle of cum, shoulders rolling against the passenger seat as he arched his back. His voice was tight in his throat, squeaking. Soft words tumbled out between the other sounds, though, and Logan honed in tighter with his hearing. 

It was his name. 

Wade was whispering "Logan" over and over and over again just under his breath. 

That was new. 

Wade panted as he came down from his finish, licked his own semen from Logan's hand because he was simply a freak like that, then zipped up. 

"Ooh, there's an IHOP up here. We should get pancakes for lunch." Wade made that weird little self-satisfied smile of his, and dropped his hands between his legs.

"Whatever you want, babe," Logan sighed, keeping his hand off the wheel as he turned into the parking lot of the strip mall. 

#####

You have to tell him.

No you don't. Keep that shit bottled up. 

He's already figured out something's going on with you. Just get it over with, and you can work through it. 

Fucking FINE. OKAY. 

don't yell at me. 

"Shut up."

"I didn't say anything." 

Logan stared at him across the table, pouring "this ain't real fuckin' maple syrup" over his fat stack of pancakes, already through his sausage and eggs and ham and potatoes. Wade looked down at his own pancakes, a smiley face made with chocolate chips and bananas. A piece was already cut out that he didn't remember eating. He didn't remember the eggs and bacon, either, but they were devoured, too. 

Shit.

No. You just weren't paying attention, that's all. It's not the other thing.

I think.

He stabbed his fork down through the middle of the pancakes in frustration. 

"You good?" Logan stopped, fork midway between the plate and his mouth. He set it down to focus that laser attention on Wade. The gaze that made him either turn to jelly or grow a few more bones depending on context.  

Wade re-sorted his thoughts. It was just so hard.

"The constant cellular regeneration. It fucks my memory. Sometimes I just never form them. Sometimes I lose stuff. Sometimes it's nothing. Sometimes it's something really fucking important. But I can't predict it. I'll be looking for this specific little red Fiat in the back lot to sell to some douchebag, and it's not there when I remember it was there that morning. And turns out it's actually been four days." Wade sliced down into the pancakes and took a bite.

"Freaks me the fuck out." He chewed a few times, then spit it into his napkin with a gag. "Why did I fucking get this? I hate this." 

"Were those the deep thoughts in the car? The ones that made you whip your dick out?" Logan tapped his fork to the plate, and it was so…it was so annoying when he did that. That high-pitched sound. And there was this look. This pitying look. 

"Don't make fun of me." Wade's eyebrows creased hard, and he felt a scrim of tears well up.

God, this fucking sucks. Fuck this. Fuck this.

Logan paused on his own words, then snapped his jaw shut.

"Sorry. I misread the room. I'm just trying to understand. Same with some of the other stuff you do. Like when you freak out when you don't see me for a day."

I'm not nearly as smooth as I thought I was, shit. I didn't realize he noticed that.

"I feel like it's all connected." Logan dropped his fork and leaned his forearms on the table. "I just want to understand, Wade." 

"I'm terrified of losing you. Losing parts of you. Memories. The thing that I'm usually able to hang on to is the muscle memory shit. I've never forgotten how to fight or fuck, so I'd like specifically, not forget you how to fuck you. Specifically. So I keep thinking if I just-" He lifted his hands and made a squeezing motion in front of Logan's chest "-then I won't lose it as easily."

"And that makes sense to you?"

"Bitch-ass, what did I say about making fun of me?" 

"I'm not…" He craned his neck, pressing his fingertips to his forehead. "I'm not a stranger to amnesia. I know how scary it is. I'm just trying to understand your logic because it doesn't make sense to me. I don't get it."

"You don't get me," Wade snapped. 

"I don't. Not in this." 

"Cool. Awesome." Wade got up from the table. He made it to the door, then paused. He returned and dropped down into the booth, arms crossed over his chest. 

Logan has the car keys. 

#####

Wade let Logan rest his hand on his thigh, so that was something, at least. He wasn't getting frozen out. He'd been through that before, and it wasn't pleasant. 

Wade was silent, though, and that was scary. He had only seen it a handful of times over the last few months. Wade was thinking and thinking hard, focusing so he could properly turn everything over. Something was going to come out the other side of this that was important. So far it had been mostly positive, but there had to be a moment when the tide turned. 

"Logan, stop. Pull over." Wade was sitting up, eyes focused on something out his window. He obeyed immediately, trying to find what had grabbed Wade's attention. 

They were approaching a river. Along the perpendicular road, the one that connected to the main highway, two cars had pulled over to take care of what looked like a minor front-end crash. The car wasn't even stopped before Wade was tumbling out and running toward the scene of the crash.

"Wade, what're you doing?" Logan slid across the hood to keep up. "It's just a car wreck." They were approaching quickly, the two people exchanging insurance looking up in a panic. Logan tried to assure them from a distance. 

Then a loud whoosh went up, and one of the cars was overtaken by flames. 

#####

The 2010 -2016 Kia Soul was among a group of cars known to catch on fire after collision. 2.3 million of them had been recalled for it. 

That Kia, in particular, was starting to smoke under the hood. 

And now I'm running across the grass, and I'm not sure how I got here. But I'm not freaked out about it, yet. That's just adrenaline.

The fire went up just as he reached the car. A woman screamed behind him, but he knew Logan was there. Logan would take care of them. He had seen the baby in the back seat. The flames were hot on his skin as he went digging for the switchblade in his back pocket. The butt of the knife handle had a knob, and he slammed it into the corner of the back window. 

That's the weakest part of the window.

He dived through the now broken window, crunching up into the back seat. He sliced through the seatbelt and carseat anchor, but the fucker was in one of those fuck-ass bases. Whatever. He took off his shirt, threw it over the carseat, then kicked everything he had into the door. It broke off the hinges. 

"Wolverine, catch!" Then he threw the carseat clear of the vehicle.

Shit shit shit I just threw a fucking baby. Wait, the car seat should absorb the shock, oh, wait, Logan caught it.

Okay. 

A sizzling sound meant the fire was moving up the engine block through the wiring. Smoke started seeping through the cabin, but the missing door should have been enough to…to…

Hm. Something's wrong. 

"Wade, you idiot." Logan's voice. The SHNK of claws through the door behind him, then he was being scruffed around the neck. 

He lost some minutes in the confusion of his body being manhandled by familiar arms. 

"I swear to God, why don't you think ? You're going to kill me if you die."

Wade snapped back as the water hit him, Logan's arms wrapped around him tightly. 

"I got you," Logan murmured in his ear as they resurfaced. They kneeled together in the shallow water. The flames crawling up the car hit the gas tank, and the fire shifted color and increased intensity.

"Why am I in the water?" Wade asked. 

"You were literally on fire," Logan growled. "Full on human torch."

"Oh, is that what that was?" Wade settled back into the plane of Logan's chest. Fire was tricky. It would keep eating through cells as long as they regenerated. Surprisingly draining to heal from.

"How is it that you can fight endless mobs of yourself without breaking a sweat, but doing a basic smash and grab rescue you look like a drunk frat boy with a hernia." Logan was also a little out of breath, though. They both knew that these little on the spot jobs were the hardest. With a full on mission, you were ready. You warmed up. Zero-to-hero took a little more out of you. It was more personal. More up close. Bunch of people die during a dab of super-villainy, sure. If someone kicked it right in front of you because you couldn't pull them off the subway tracks in time, that sucked a syphilitic dick.

And I don't exactly randomly rescue people. Not before this. Waste of cardio.

What have you done to me, my dearest darling? Heart of my heart.

"I didn't have the suit on," Wade replied as a way to wrap up all those thoughts. Logan kissed the back of his head. 

"If I tell you to communicate better, will you remember?" Logan sighed. "I'm being extremely serious. You might forget things, but I remember. And I remember well when I'm at full mental capabilities. Got a lot of trauma up there, so there's not a lot of room left." He squeezed Wade even tighter, the breath puffing out of him. "And I can't manage both our impulse control issues." 

"No promises, honey badger. This brain doesn't always connect to this body." 

"I…okay. That I might understand."

#####

They slinked through the door into Wade and Althea's apartment, clothes still dripping wet. Logan didn't smell anyone, so Althea was out and had taken Puppins. Reasonable. Wade loved that damn dog, but he wasn't home consistently enough, right now, to take care of her in full. Wade had been chattering endlessly about car recalls and leaking gas tank valves, but he fell instantly silent once they passed the threshold.  

"I don't like being here alone," he said flatly. 

"I'm here."

"But you're going to go back to the mansion later."

"Yeah, but you're gonna be working. I can stay until you leave. If Scott gets shitty about the car, then whatever."

"Yeah, but-" 

"Wade. Babe." 

Wade spun around in the middle of the living space, arms flopping.

"Why did you decide on 'babe?'" Wade pouted.

"You call me whatever new thing you think of at the moment, but I'm more of a find a pet name and stick to it kinda guy." Logan rested his hands on his hips, trying to decide where this was going.

"You called me 'daarrrlin' the first time." The impression was pretty spot on. "Then it was 'honey.' Then it was 'sweetness.' But now you've landed on 'babe,' and you stayed there. I want to know why. Show your work."

Logan blinked at him a few times. He wasn't sure he could actually explain it. 

"I went to call you 'bub' one time in front of the others, and it came out 'babe.' And I just…liked it. So I kept it. It…fit."

"You've called me, 'babe' in front of the others?"

"Yeah, probably a few times. I'm not really counting."

"Do they know we're together?"

"I haven't been keeping it a secret, so yeah, probably. They're not stupid, and we're not exactly discreet. Last week you asked Scott if there was any flavored lube in the next delivery because, and I quote, 'when I eat Logan's ass later, I want to make sure I pair it with the right wine.'" 

"Witty banter. I didn't know they were imagining us fucking night and day all over the house."

"Night and day, sure, technically. I think 'my room' isn't really 'all over the house.'"

"There was that one time in that empty classroom." 

"That doesn't count," Logan choked. 

"Mmmhmm." Wade clucked, popping his tongue loudly against the floor of his mouth. "So, to be clear, the entirety of the X-Men know that I've been all up in this." He made a waving motion that circled all of Logan's body with special attention on the crotch region.

"Again, yes. Probably." 

"That's extremely embarrassing for you," Wade smirked. 

"I'd like to go back to the ass-slapping."

"I told you. Those cheeks are irresistible. I cannot be contained." He moved forward a few steps and wrapped his hand around Logan's wrist. "Let's change. You can wear my sweats."

"Please don't give me one of the blow-job shirts," Logan said as he was pulled across the room to the set of hampers where Wade kept his mishmash of clothes. 

"Now you're getting the cum slut booty shorts." 

Wade started to strip, his body moving with slow, awkward, weirdly normal movements. It was the second degree burns and smoke inhalation. On the surface they looked like they healed quickly, just a little knitting of flesh. But they hurt underneath a lot longer than other injuries. That was probably why he still seemed off. But there was also…

"Wade." Logan waited for Wade to turn around. His flannel was now sitting wet and balled up in the back of the Civic. Instead, he pulled up the bottom of his t-shirt slowly, tantalizing, letting it whip over his head with a stretch of his body. "So you can remember better." He held out his arms, canted slightly into a soft U-shape. He turned slowly, trying to give Wade some kind of show. He wasn't exactly good at this sort of thing, but something about it made sense.

#####

Oh, you sweet sweet idiot. 

Logan was just standing there, back to him, triceps fucking rippling. 

Do you have a license? For those guns?!?

"You stupid slut," Wade whispered. He moved to Logan, and whipped his arms around his waist from behind. He had been stopped with his wet boxes halfway down his hips, and he just let them fall the rest of the way.

He needed Logan to be naked, too. Not anything more than that, surprisingly. Just naked. He struggled with his belt buckle, but the damp leather had swollen in the metal loop. Logan cut through it with the tip of one of his ever so slightly extended claws. He retracted then turned in the circle of Wade's arms, breaking the loop with his taught ass. 

JESUS. 

Wade pulled the broken belt free, then somehow managed to fumble down the zipper and top button of his jeans. But the slim cut of the pants was clinging to his glutes and thighs. Wade yanked on them, and they wouldn't budge. 

Oh, god, I'm going to cry over pants. 

"I can't get them off." He already knew he was mumbling, the rattle of his thoughts only slipping out in little breathy whispers. 

"What was that?" Logan asked gently, leaning in and up to Wade's ear. 

"TAKE OFF YOUR PANTS."

Logan didn't question the zero to one hundred reaction, just slid his pants down himself, taking his boxer briefs with him, then stepping out of them. Wade slammed himself into Logan's body, wrapping his arm around him again, digging his nails into his spine and shoulder blades. Logan's arms came up from below to hug him back, tight, pulling their chests and stomachs and hips together.

Wade attacked him with his mouth. That was the only word for it. He wanted to bite and chomp at Logan's face. To rip the flesh from his immaculate cheeks. The only thing holding him back from going full animal was how tired he was. 

"Pick me up," he whined into Logan's neck, then jumped until his knees were locked around his hips. Logan made a little oomph sound, but snagged him around the waist and under his ass. 

He dropped them both on the couch. It was only just big enough to hold them, but not nearly long enough. Logan ended up with one leg up on the back of the couch, bent at the knee, shoulders propped on the arm. Wade settled into the shape his body made, curling one ankle underneath Logan's other leg. They were immediately intertwined. 

Their lips fell against each other, desperate and stupid from adrenaline. Familiar, though. It should be. They'd been doing this very thing almost every day for months. 

The end of this honeymoon phase was going to be a bitch .

Can you get That Good Dick DTs?

That feels insensitive…

FOCUS. 

They were getting hard against each other as they kissed, the weight of Wade's body pressing him deeper into Logan. 

Then that asshole pulled away.

"Probably shouldn't get too caught up in this. You've got your job tonight." 

Wade groaned, stretching a little. 

"There's no jooooob. There never was one." 

Logan's hands went extremely tight on Wade's skin. The very very very tippy tips of Logan's claws pierced his flesh, and he shivered in the pain-pleasure-pain. 

"If you say the words 'educated wish'..." His warning delivered, he retracted his claws again. 

Wade rolled his forehead across Logan's chest. 

"I started talking to my old merc contacts when we got back from the Void. I started picking up small jobs when you moved out. Real easy security shit. Made it easier to deal with you not being here. But then after the robot thing the jobs felt…boring. And any time I had to choose between working or spending time with you, I chose you. So I started getting picky."

"How are you paying your half of the rent?"

"That's the weird advantage of the merc work/shithole apartment combo. Couple good jobs and you're covered for the month. Not dressing in Givenchy, but you make it work." 

Logan sat up, forcing Wade to do a weird little half curl just to keep himself wrapped around his body.

"But why lie about it? I don't like you lying to me." His voice was sharp. Angry. Wade rolled back over his thighs to sit up on the couch. He brought a pillow over his half-hard cock to not distract himself then shoved one over Logan's for the same reason. 

"I don't know. I was embarrassed? Maybe? Worried you'd get tired of me, but also worried if I said I needed space you'd think I was tired of you . Problem solved in both directions if I have to go to a job. But I hate not being around you. It physically hurts when I don't get to see you for some reason. 

"Well not for some reason. There's a reason. It's because I still can't seem to remember what you smell like when you're not around. And you can smell me; you know what I smell like. You know I'm coming. I actually stole one of your shirts, and I sniff it when we're not together. And I'm like 'mmhmm, yep, that's Logan.' My boner certainly recognizes you. So why can't I smell you from a distance? Clearly that means I can't remember what you smell like. Then obviously there's other things I'm probably forgetting too, and I don't even realize it. 

"But what kind of needy-ass bitch tells someone 'hey, I have to sew my face to your ass Human Centipede style because I'm worried I'll forget what it tastes like.' Listen to how insane that sounds." 

"I do agree that you sound completely unhinged," Logan nodded. 

"Thank you for validating my emotions. I appreciate it." He leaned back on the couch. 

I'm actually completely serious; why does that sound so sarcastic?

#####

Logan traced the hunched curve of Wade's body as he curled up on himself. That was the thing that no one understood about Wade. The thing that he had to keep reminding himself when he told Wade to slow down and think. Wade did think. It was just too quick and frenzied, ideas cycling as fast as his brain regenerated new neurons. 

So when those thoughts emerged they sounded like madness.

"Wade." Logan stopped. Careful. Gentle. Breathe. "I can smell you because I have super senses. Other people can't smell each other from down the hallway. I need to be sure that you understand that before you spiral." 

"I want to be able to smell you," Wade replied blankly. 

"What if I wore a very specific cologne that you pick? Then you'll be able to smell me from farther away."

"But then you wouldn't smell like you anymore."

"So, see, you do know what I smell like."

Wade attempted to retort, then stopped, pursing his lips on his objection. Logan leaned over and rested his forehead on Wade's shoulder. Careful. Gentle. Breathe. 

"Don't lie to me, again." It was a bark, immediately losing the pattern of his mantra. "I can't do this if you lie to me." Wade's body tensed. 

"Are you saying what I think you're saying?"

"I'm saying I love you. But love's not enough if you're going to keep big things from me. We're fine, still. It's okay. But it's not something I can ignore." Logan pressed his palms together and squeezed. Too much shit happened to his brain that he couldn't control. He didn't need additional complications.

Wade's hands crawled into the square of Logan's forearms and gripped them tight at the crook of his elbows. 

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Please don't end us when we just started. I love you." He pushed his body into Logan's forcing them back into the position they were in before. "I'll show you. What do you want? Just tell me what to put where."

"Babe, shut up." Logan clapped his hand around the back of Wade's head and pressed it to his chest. "If you don't have to rush off somewhere, then just lay here with me. There's too little of that in my life." He dragged his fingers up and down Wade's spine. He had been too intense, let the trauma do too much of the talking.

The half-lie that made him follow Wade in the beginning had turned out all right. It was a falsehood he could understand the desperation of in hindsight. A little white lie about a gig from a man who literally didn't understand how his own brain worked wasn't the kind of thing to blow up a whole relationship for. And Wade understood. He wasn't ignoring him or disregarding his feelings on the matter.

Wade would remember this.

"You don't have to solve everything with sex or violence," Logan said. 

"What about sex and violence?"

"Sure. Okay. But only if they're at exactly the same time in equal amounts. "

"I love it when you pull out the quips. It's so sexy." Wade dragged his teeth down Logan's chest and kissed his nipple, running his tongue over it in little flicks.

"What did I just say about using sex to solve your problems?" But they'd also just had an incredibly serious conversation while both completely naked, so maybe Wade deserved at least a little credit. 

"My dick is shaking hands with yours, right now. Where did you think this was going?" 

Wade's arm snaked down into the space between them. His large hand came around both of them, pressing their shafts together. Just a little bit of movement, and the friction of his rough palm started Logan on the long, spiraling draw toward pleasure. He met his own hand with Wade's between them, wrapping around the other side of their paired lengths. Logan ran his other hand up the back of Wade's neck, pressing his fingers into the back of his skull. 

"That feels so goddamn good," Logan growled. 

"And you said not to use my cock to communicate." Wade ran a few kisses along Logan's jaw before nibbling on his skin. 

"Why do you use your teeth so much?" Logan asked between little kissing pecks across his lips.

"Because I'm a freak. Do you want me to stop?"

"Fuck no."

Wade nipped at Logan's chin harder.

"Why don't you use yours?" Wade asked. "Bring more of that mustelid energy to the bedroom."

"I have no idea what that means, but if that's what you want…" 

#####

Logan's teeth sunk hard into his shoulder where it met his neck and-

-fuck shit if I was closer I would have come a fountain. 

Logan's jaws locked into place, and he dropped the hand that had been on the back of Wade's head to around the small of his back. His hand tilted to grip around the shape of his ass, and their lower bodies pressed together tighter. Logan's hand grappled with his until he couldn't be sure who was stroking who, everything a mass of sensation on the back of that quick, hot buildup.

Slowly, the thoughts dripped out of his head until there was nothing left but need . Raw. Nerve endings that normally fired in pain instead trilling with pleasure.

Sex and violence. 

He pumped faster, trying to focus on the man underneath him at the same time. How Logan's skin felt against his. The scratch of Logan's body hair on his stomach and beard on his cheek. The sting of Logan's teeth in his muscles and the way his body kept trying to heal around them. The sloppy weep of Logan's precum dripping over his hand. The steam of Logan's sweat as it curled around their bodies. 

Tobacco and orange peel and leather and a jar of nickels. That's what Logan smells like. I know what Logan smells like. 

Logan fucked up into his hand from below, their heels and toes tangling together as they both tried to push against the couch for leverage. Logan's whole body tensed, hips thrusting up to lift them both. He released his mouth from Wade's shoulder and howled as he erupted over their hands. 

Wade crushed his mouth against Logan's as Logan brought him the rest of the way.

"Fuck," he whispered into Logan's mouth as the spring broke and his own cum spread out between their stomachs. He tried to dig for something else to say. Some little jokey joke to break the tension. He couldn't find anything, his brain flaring back to life with a gasp and a scream, full of nothing but Logan. 

#####

Logan flicked over Wade's shirt with a half-extended claw and caught it in his fist.

"Sit up," he murmured into Wade's ear. 

"Dun wanna." Wade tucked his arms under Logan's shoulders in protest. He stabbed Wade in the ass a little with the still out claw, and that startled him into rolling off just enough. "Love it when you use the claws to push me around."

"Do you actually?" He wiped them both down and threw the shirt on the floor. Wade rolled back, resting his head on Logan's chest. "Because I spend a lot of energy attempting to not spear people I care about through the stomach. If you're into it, though, I could be convinced to reconsider."

"Our safeword can be Graymalkin. Because I'm one of…Cable's ships…that…that one didn't come together." 

He was too tired to rise to the bait of whatever Wade was talking about and rested his hands gently on Wade's back instead. The TV across the room flicked on. 

"Found the remote. It was between the cushions." Wade flicked through some channels then stopped with a soft "oooh."

"What the fuck is this?"

"Say Yes to the Dress. Wedding dress shopping, but each one costs three month's rent."

"Shit, weddings are expensive." He watched the movement on the TV for a careful few minutes. "Okay, that dress looks great on her. Why is her mom being a bitch about it?"

"FUCKING RIGHT?"

Logan woke at the sound of someone at the door. They had fallen asleep on the couch and it had grown dark in the interim. He pulled an arm out from under Wade's weight, shook the pins and needles out, and prepped his claws to spring free. Whoever it was slid a key into the lock. He relaxed. Althea. She had caught them in worse, and at least she wouldn't see they were currently naked on her couch. Logan shook Wade awake a little. 

"Althea's home. We should maybe pretend we're decent people."

"We're absolutely not, though," Wade said sleepily but moved to sit up. He half pulled the blanket off the back of the couch, but was still waking up and moving slowly. 

The lock clicked and the door cracked. 

"Hey, you old slut," Wade yawned. Then the door finished opening. 

"Oh my god. I'm gonna gouge my own eyes out." Laura pushed Colossus in front of her and used his body to block her view. For his part, he lifted his hand to shield his eyes and turned away. 

"I said to knock when entering a man's private home." His deep Russian accent was caught between admonishment and embarrassment. 

Logan snatched the blanket and threw it over both of them. 

"If you don't want to see my ass, then hand me some pants," Logan barked, gesturing toward the clothes hampers. 

Colossus volunteered himself for the task, still keeping his back to them as he grabbed a set of shorts and a pair of sweats and threw them across the room. Logan gave Wade the shorts and shimmied into the sweat pants. 

"Laura, what the fuck are you doing here?" He stood, moving away from the couch. She gave half a glance over her shoulder then turned when she could confirm he was half-dressed. 

"You said you were going to train with me tonight, but you didn't come back." 

"Shit." Logan pressed his palms to his forehead. "I'm so sorry, kid. Wade's job…got canceled-" the lie came easy and he hated himself a little for it "-and I lost track of time."

"Yeah, I can see that," she tsked. 

"You didn't need to come all the way here."

"That idiot throwing a baby out of a car is getting memed on TikTok, right now." Laura gestured to Wade. 

"Oooh, I've never been viral before. Well, not on the internet. Been viral a few other ways." Wade had propped himself up on the arm of the couch. 

"So I called your phone to check on you. When you didn't answer, I got worried. Colossus offered to drive me over, and Yukio gave me her emergency key."

"My phone…" Logan lifted his hand to his chest where his shirt pocket would have been. The shirt that was currently curled up in the back of the Civic. "Shit."

Logan dropped on the arm of the couch, scooting Wade over a few inches. 

"Okay, how do I fix this?" Logan asked.

"I don't know. You're not dead, so I get to be mad at you. But you're not dead, so I'm also relieved." Laura spread her hands in a weird half-shrug.

"You could set up a training schedule," Colossus tried to mediate. 

"Wait, that's actually a really good idea." Wade hung half-off the couch. "Because I'll fight you. Like, I'll kick your fucking ass as hard as you want."

"I could go for that," Laura replied. 

"Your level of enthusiasm worries me," Logan said. 

"It's your DNA," Wade reminded him. He pressed his eyes shut in annoyance, realizing he was right, and that was really fucking weird the more he thought about it. 

"Let's set that up, okay? Book us into the Danger Room. We'll make it a standing date."

"Yeah," Laura said quietly. She bit her lip and took several hard breaths. He recognized that coping mechanism. "Come here a sec." She moved into the corner of the kitchen part of the space. Not a lot of room from the other two but they had a vague sense of privacy if Logan created a body-wall. She lowered her voice. 

"You're not my dad," she started.

"I…am, though…"

"You know what I mean," she sighed. "You were the closest thing I ever had to a real parent who actually loved me. But our time together was so short. And we kicked ass in the Void. But you're also dead. I mourned you. But now you're here."

"And I'm not your Logan. No, I get it." He crossed his arms over his chest, hyper aware of being shirtless, still. 

"I'd like you to be one of my Logans, though. But I'm not totally sure what that looks like or how to do that. And as much as it annoys me, I'm also dealing with the fact that I have to share you."

Logan glanced down, looking for Wade out of the corner of his eye. Wade was watching them over the top of the couch, peeking up just the top of his head.

"I already had this conversation with him, but I haven't really been part of a family in awhile. So if I fuck it up…"

"Hey." She punched him in the arm. "If I end up living as long as you do, we got time to figure it out, right?"

"Those smarts aren't my DNA."

"Nurture vs nature?" She patted her hands on her thighs. "Well, you're alive. So I'll go. Forgive me if I don't hug you goodbye."

"Yeah." He reached out and patted her on the side of the arm. "Thank you for giving a shit about me, kid. And Wade, even though he's an idiot."

"You're both easy to give a shit about it." She paused. "Also, your pants say Big Booty Goddess on the back. Thought you should know."

#####

Easy to give a shit about. 

Ringing endorsement, honestly. 

They had finally found the note that Al left them about a long weekend in Atlantic City. Logan had already decided to stay that night, but that secured it. Didn't mean he didn't freak out a little when the other half of the fold out sofa was empty an hour after they had gone to bed.  

Logan had only gone as far as the dining table, though, talking on the cellphone he had finally retrieved from the car and working through the last few swallows of a floral juice glass of Jack Daniels. Wade watched him with his chin on the back of the couch.

"Okay so she's in her room…Okay…Thanks, Hank…She was supposed to text me when she got back, but…No I recognize the hypocrisy doesn't mean I didn't want to check on her." Logan chuckled darkly. "Um, I was going to talk to you about this tomorrow, but since I have you I figured I'd give you a heads up. Not blind side you. If there's a place for me on the X-Men, I don't want to lose it, but I want to live with my boyfriend. Maybe be available for freelance. Only if that's doable, though."

boyfriend boyfriend boyfriend boyfriend

"Can we talk about what that might look like? Yeah…Okay… Yeah. I'll be back in the morning…Yes I'll talk to Scott….yeah. Okay. Thanks again, Hank." He set the phone down gently, considered the opposite wall for a minute, then stood.

He noticed Wade watching, but didn't say anything before crawling back into bed. He opened his arms and made a gesture that Wade should settle in. He didn't hesitate, curling up against Logan's chest.

"Boyfriend?" Wade asked.

"Are you not?"

"No I…I am…" Wade pressed a hand to Logan's chest. "Can I be serious with you?"

"God, please do." 

"Don't give up being an X-Men just because I'm a wreck. Don't pick me over them."

Logan kissed him on the forehead. 

"Not off the team, yet. And even if that's how things work out, it wouldn't be picking you. It'd be picking me. Picking a life I built myself that wants you in it."

Wade pressed tighter to Logan's body. Scent. Sight. Touch. Taste. He wanted to take it all in, to capture this exact moment in time. 

I'm not fucking forgetting this.

[bloodpen-to-paper]

QSMP Awards 2024 Summarized

-The audio was scuffed for the first half. I don't mean a little crispy. I don't mean with a slight echo. It was fucked in every way imaginable. The audio sounded like it was going through a blender. Then it kept getting too loud, then too quiet (so much so we couldn't hear), all while being way too crispy. Charlie Slimecicle monologued to the audience while the team was trying to fix it but since the audio was both too crispy and too quiet we couldn't actually understand anything he was saying. This carried on for about 7 minutes with him holding two microphones, neither of which was working, before the stream crashed (again)

-All the staff are apparently Cucurucho, with one of them being a "main Cucurucho"

-Missa wore a "Quackity my beloved" shirt. I could not explain to you what the blazer over it was supposed to be.

-Everyone else at the ceremony was shown through discord call. I'm convinced Charlie has never seen German or Lenay's faces cause he did not know it was them until Quackity said their names

-The screen was supposed to switch between showing all the people on the discord and it kept switching between the same four people. If I have to hear Q, Charlie and Missa chant "Foolish" or "Pol" ever again-

-Mariana showed up and Charlie immediately went into bitter ex mode. He also hit on Mariana. Multiple times.

-We got a patented Ironmouse "coño" and chat lost their shit over Luzu existing, as expected

-Mariana looked like Michael Jackson, Bad's background could've been the set of Breaking Bad, Roier had a ski mask, lots of people learned what Lenay, German and Vegetta's looked like for the first time, and Mike had a kawaii filter

-Somehow Bad didn't even get nominated for Best Cucurucho Jumpscare, showing that even non-red carpet events can produce award snubs (congrats to Bagi!)

-Though I yearned for Maximus getting nominated for his Eh Vegetta prank, we all knew the win had to go to Vegetta for the mines

-The audio eventually became bearable but the echo never fully left. At some point there were like three or four overlaps of Vegetta giving his acceptance speech

-Acau won for Best Death from getting killed by an enderman (in my heart Foolish's accidental death by Pomme's sniper that got him eliminated from the elections won, but we did get Quackity dying to a fly as a nom so I feel complete. Also congrats to Acau!)

-The Qsmp shop is officially open! We got eggie merch :]

-Quackity forgot to roll clips for the Best Purgatory 2 Moment nominees and almost read out the winner before we got the montage (Wuant won! It was the clip of him being told he lost and he accidentally did a flip. They weren't able to get the acceptance speech on stream so we saw it from Quackity's phone)

-Funniest QSMP Moment nominees were all fucking hilarious, its hard to pick just one but Maxo winning for when he respawned after a lore-heavy moment in Pierre's bed to his own moans being remixed into a song absolutely deserved the win

-Saddest QSMP Moment was unnecessary and the admins will be hearing from my lawyers for making me relive Dapper's first lost life, Dia de los Muertos and the end of Purgatory 1 (Jaiden and Roier saying bye to Bobby won, Roier changed his screen to black and white and held up what looked like a mini Cucurucho being used as a cross)

-Best QSMP Original Song was played prematurely when the category was Best Language Exchange, and we got a spoiler for the winner (YD and Hugo's exchange won and YD's audio was muted so we just saw her Vtuber model getting excited)

-The aforementioned Best Qsmp Original Song had Gordinho Gostosinho looping aggressively over Charlie singing the Juanaflippa song, which I hope to god gets clipped cause it was hilarious (I'm glad the Roier and Cucurucho rap got nominated). Charlie was very confused why they had him announce his own win.

-Best PVP unsurprisingly went to Etoiles for his colosseum Code fight, after all he is the Best🔥 (the other noms were great too, we had Philza vs Tubbo in Purgatory, Bad and Maxo eliminating El Quackity from the elections, and a cute sparring session between Pac and Richas)

-Best Qsmp Fails went to Fit for that time Pac's internet cut out during their date (of course he bragged about his Brasilian boyfriend after learning he won for best loser)(also if it was up to me Quackity's fly deaths would've been added to this category just sayin')

-The audio problems were revealed to have been roleplay the entire time. Yep. All part of the lore.

-Speaking of, most of the winners who were in the discord call could not be heard so they had to give speeches through Quackity holding his phone up to the mic

-Best Roleplayer went to Roier for his Doied arc (the screen prematurely showed him before they could read the announcement, and his speech was him kissing the camera)

-Worst Server House went to Mariana accompanied with the classic clip of him reacting to the admins roasting his started base; Mariana was part of the discord call but left at some point so he couldn't give a speech, to which Charlie jumped on the opportunity to roast his absence like a shark smelling blood (they rightfully nominated Quackity for his clip of Acau reacting to his failure of a starter house, and apparently Carre's base is just his bed on a dirt plot)

-Most Iconic Clip went to Pac for stealing the Qsmp Logo (the other lovely noms included Foolish and co. accidentally closing their house door after a creeper came in an attempt to shut it out, and Tina reacting to a mob giving Felps a blowjob)

-The Most Bankrupt Islander went to Niki for being broke, we stan (during the nom montage we got a passa tudo mention)

-The Creator Who Spent the Most Time on the Server Award went to Bad, which was shocking to no one, although they did use his Barbie Girl clip for the nom montage (they also used Fit wearing a wig for his clip)

-The Qsmp cake for the one year anniversary had the text "FELICIDADES ALBERTO". We do not know who Alberto is. Pol was losing it.

-Tubbo won for The Creator With the Most Deaths (106), while The Creator With Fewest Deaths went to Philza (he only had 1!). Philza was able to be heard through stream but the hosts didn't know this so they would hear him from Quackity's phone and repeat what he was saying even though we could hear him

-Everytime the camera cut back to the hosts Charlie, Quackity and Missa had more cake on their faces

-Most Distance Traveled (in Minecraft) went to Etoiles (6,000+ km jfc)

-Creator With the Most Mob Kills went to Pierre (162,960 mob kills. what the fuck.)

-They accidentally read the award for Creator With the Most Damage Taken (Foolish) during the Best Builder announcement, confusing the shit out of everyone, especially cause the screen showed Mike instead of Foolish. I am still unclear who won Best Builder

-Creator With the Most Blocks Placed went to Mike!!! (MIKE WIN VAMBORAAAAAAAAAAA🇧🇷🇧🇷🇧🇷)

-We had to uncomfortably sit through Missa feeding Charlie cake (and just Charlie in general)

-There was an In Memorium segment of the passed eggs (Quackity shat on a grieiving Charlie for Flippa only lasting 11 days, but in Charlie's words, "to you it was 11 days; to her it was a lifetime"). Charlie commentated and had nothing to say about Trump because he didn't know jack shit about Trump (though he did make a wall joke which is exactly what Maxo would have wanted godbless🙏)

-The stream ended with the discord people saying goodbye, while Roier was holding up the mini Cucuruchos and didn't move the entire time. I know he wasn't frozen because he blinked.

-Maxo sent in his acceptance speech video last minute and Quackity hyped it up as a mysterious final entry but Charlie guessed it was Maxo and spoiled it on accident

-Speaking of, Maxo's entry was him walking around heaven looking for Trump </3

-Charlie gave a heartfelt speech about the people he met through the Qsmp, all while looking like ate out frosty the snowman <3. Missa simpy thanked Alberto (we still do not know who Alberto is)

-Tubbo wasn't present in the discord call because he thought him streaming meant he couldn't join. After the stream Quackity called and Tubbo realized he was allowed to join the whole time

-We ended on a montage of various moments, with a message of excitement looking forward to the next year!

And of course, here are the screenies I managed to nab of the hosts slowly deteriorating into cake

[thevioletcaptain]

So I've been quiet on here a lot longer than planned.

The reasons are many. The reasons are varied.

The reasons are mostly fucking horrible.

Under a cut because it's long. Check tags for content warnings.

First was the expected absence: my parents came to visit me in Los Angeles over my birthday, so I spent the first half of October showing them around whenever I wasn't working a shift at my shitty department store day-job, or in class at UCLA.

Then, almost immediately after they went back to Australia, I got a second job working as a personal assistant for a composer. This was (and is) an extremely fun and rewarding job, but meant having one more thing on my weekly schedule, which was an adjustment.

Given that until halfway through last year, I'd been out of work since I immigrated in 2019, it took a while for me to get used to having so many concurrent responsibilities, and I'd just started to get a handle on things when I got sick right before the holidays. I took many covid tests -- all negative -- and eventually determined that it was just last year's strain of flu, which I hadn't managed to find time to get the shot for due to the aforementioned super busy schedule. I'm almost positive it was thanks to a particular customer at the aforementioned shitty department store job who coughed hard enough in my direction for their germs to get through my n95.

Anyway, last year's flu was a monster, and I spent a week in bed with a fever, then several more weeks being utterly drained and with a horrendous cough to match. It took a full month for me to recover, and then in mid-January, almost as soon as I started to catch up on all the things that had fallen behind while I was sick, things got bad, then good, then worse, then better, then much, much, much worse.

Basically, it starts with my dad being diagnosed with prostate cancer. He'd told me in October when they came to see me, but the surgery was scheduled for the tail end of January.

The surgery happened on a Monday, and it was a complete success. They got it all in one go. No chemo or radiation or further treatment needed at all. I spoke to him on the phone after he woke up, and he was in good spirits. Happy to have been given the all clear by his doctors.

I told him to watch Star Trek: Strange New Worlds & Evil while he rested up at home, because I'm writing specs for both this year and wanted him to be able to read them and know what was going on. He's the one who got me into sci-fi and horror, after all.

He went home.

He was home for two days.

He started feeling a bit rough on the Thursday. Short of breath. No appetite. Mum took him back to the hospital, just to be safe.

Turns out he'd had a mild heart attack. They couldn't figure out why. The echocardiogram didn't show any issues with his heart.

Then over the next couple of days, his breathing got worse. They took a scan of his lungs, and found that they were extremely inflamed. They'd given him covid tests but they came back negative. We told them about a work accident he had about 20 years ago, where a switchboard he'd been working on exploded in his face, and he'd suffered from inhalation burns among other things.

They thought that maybe something during the prostate surgery had caused irritation in his already damaged lungs, which put stress on his heart and caused the mild heart attack. He's never had any issues with his lungs since that accident, but they thought that maybe he'd just adapted to the damage over the years without realizing.

They kept trying different treatments to help his lungs heal. Nothing seemed to work. His breathing kept getting worse. They had him on as much oxygen as possible without intubating him, but it wasn't enough, so over that weekend they decided that they'd need to move him to another hospital with a more specialized lung unit.

When they were preparing to do that on the Monday night, he crashed. Another heart attack. Bigger, this time. They intubated him. Sedated him. Called my mum and told her to come in right away because things looked so bad.

But then he rallied. By the morning, though he was still sedated and intubated, the doctors were confident that with the right treatment at the specialized lung unit at the other hospital, he'd be okay. He was still in a rough condition, but stable. They transferred him to the other hospital.

He was given another covid test. This one came back positive.

My mum and brother called me once it was a reasonable time in Los Angeles to let me know what was going on, and the next day my brother booked me a flight back to Australia. I had to leave for the airport about five hours after my ticket was booked.

I got to Melbourne on February 1st.

For the next two weeks, dad was intubated, sedated, and in an isolation room. Every few days, they scanned his lungs again, and they were slowly improving.

Finally, he stopped testing positive, and was moved to a regular room in the ICU. Then he healed enough for them to extubate him and wake him up.

On February 13th, he was conscious enough to squeeze my hand when we went in to see him. On February 14th, he was conscious and capable of talking enough to ask a nurse in his ward to bring him his phone, and called mum first thing in the morning to wish her a happy Valentines Day.

Two days later, on Friday 16th, his lungs looked good enough on scans that they felt it was safe to do an angiogram, which they wanted to do just to double check that there weren't any issues with his heart that they missed with the echo.

They did the test. They found massive blockages. 90% blockage in one artery; significant blockages in two others.

Even though he'd barely recovered from covid, the blockages were bad enough that they scheduled him for open heart surgery on Monday 19th. They said without surgery there was a 100% chance that the blockages would cause another massive heart attack that he would not survive. They said there was about a 20% chance that he'd have complications, but only about 4% that they'd be serious/life threatening.

Like before, the surgery went well. Triple bypass, in the end. We got a call late on Monday afternoon to say that he was in recovery and looking good. His heart was functioning perfectly. They'd bring him out of sedation that night. Keep him in the ICU one or two days just as the standard post-op procedure. He'd spend a week or so in a cardiac ward after that, then head to a physical rehab ward for a couple of weeks until he could build back the muscle mass he'd lost while sedated.

We went in to see him the next day. Tuesday 20th. His 66th birthday.

He was tired, but looked good. Color in his cheeks. He made a couple of jokes. We left after about 45 minutes because he was pretty worn out, and we wanted to let him get some rest.

But then after, that his breathing started to get bad again. By Wednesday morning, they'd switched out the oxygen prongs in his nose for a big, high-pressure mask again. They called to let us know they were going to intubate him again so he could rest while his lungs recovered a bit more.

They struggled to get the tube in.

His lungs were deteriorating badly. He kept getting worse. We couldn't go in to see him because they were working on him all day.

At 9pm we got a call to say that he was just getting worse. They had him on 100% oxygen. He just wasn't absorbing it. His entire body was under massive strain. They were doing everything they could, but he just wasn't improving.

They said we should go in right away.

We got there by 10pm. My brother and his wife arrived about the same time. We went in to see him. He didn't look good. He looked pale. But he was warm, and he'd come back from the brink before, and we were sure he could do it again. We stayed with him for about an hour, and left not long after 11pm. Went back to my brother's place because they live closer to the hospital.

We were there about half an hour before they called us again. Just after midnight. He was gone.

That was about a week and a half ago, now. It still doesn't feel real. He was only 66. He hadn't even retired yet. He was working full time up until the week before Christmas, and had planned on going back to work a few days a week after he'd recovered from surgery. He never had any heart trouble, or lung trouble. He was active. He was fine.

My wife Zel and her mom flew in a couple of days after it happened. I barely remember anything from the past two weeks. Everything just feels fake.

I've been trying to write something to say at the funeral, which we've finally been able to arrange for next week -- it was delayed because we had to wait for dad to be released by the coroner. I don't think I'll be able to do it.

Anyway. That's where I've been.

It'll probably be a little while longer before I'm around here much, let alone posting with any regularity, because I'll be in Australia helping my mum & and my brother sort everything out. I have no idea how long I'll be dealing with stuff, or when I'll be able to make words cooperate enough to post anything, but I'll be back eventually.

I'm trying to keep an eye on Discord (I'm violetmatter over there) so you can find me there if you want. But yeah, I just wanted to let you guys know why I've been so quiet.

[insufferableprotagonistpoll]

Semifinals

Propaganda why Clary Frey/Fairchild is insufferable:

"Here we go again: She found out she was part of a race that opresses pretty much every magical being ever and immediately jumped onto being as racist as people that were raised in that cultist lifestyle. She calls a man ""Warlock"" the way people say slurs.

Terrible friend. Poor Simon never gets a break. And she's an even worse girlfriend to him. He is understandably upset when he finds out the person she most wants to kiss isn't him and asks for some space, but no, not on her fucking watch. She won't stay away from his place all of a sudden. Despite never really having time for him prior.

Goes up to a closeted gay man and tells him all smugly she knows about his sexuality and acts like he's the problem for not owning it. He lives in a homophobic society where violent punishment and exile is normal.

Speaking of exile, almost gets a woman that was nice to her exiled so she can break the law.

Demands aforementioned warlock do necromancy and when he tells her about his trauma, she throws a tantrum. She never apologises. That and, she and her friend always go to him for their problems, and are never grateful when he helps.

Has the ability to wish for one thing only once ever, wishes for a shitty man to come back to life.

The incest thing. She wanted to fuck a man while thinking they were fully biologically related. Yeah. And technically they're still adoptive siblings. True love.

Her cringe evil arc.

Apparently she's worse in the books. Great to hear."

"I don’t remember much from the books but she was kind of annoying"

"She finds out about a magical world she's been unaware of her whole life and it takes her five seconds to jump onto the fantasy racism train. Constantly demands people do dangerous stuff for her. Causes so many problems and when someone points out that she's going to hurt someone they're treated like they're an asshole. Walks up to a closeted man like "I know what you are". Is a terrible friend to her childhood 'bestie'. Falls in love with her brother, one the worst men alive."

"Worst case of Main Character Syndrome you'll ever see."

Propaganda why Jimmy is insufferable:

"The most chillingly real depiction of one of those men that think the world owes them everything. He's a rapist, a misogynist, abelist, self-centered, abusive, terrible friend and person that gets everyone killed because he was big mad about being laid off. It shocks me that there are apparently people out there that play the game and like him. He's so evil, but never in a way that makes him cartoonish, and that makes him all the more terrible. The game lays it out itself: he won't take responsibility for anything. He is never the villain in his own eyes. Scumbag."

"Tbh he's not just insufferable. He's disgusting. I can't even list all the horrible things he did because they would need multiple trigger warnings. He thinks that he's so high and mighty to the point where he betrays his own captain so that he can take his place, and then blames his actions and the ship crashing on said captain, who was actually trying to save them. So all of the crew died in one way or another (because of Jimmy's actions) thinking that their captain betrayed them when really if was him. And a quick Google search can tell you all the really nasty shit that he did. So not only is he insufferable, he's also just a horrible human being."

"Listen, I'm not even in the fandom and I know what his ass did. Screw this guy"

"Bro never takes responsibility for anything he did. Assuming he even acknowledges it *vaguely motions at what he did to Anya*"

"SA, causing a ship to crash, murder and elongating his friend's suffering in a cryopod for 20 years"

"He's literally the worst. He's a rapist, he framed his friend for attempted murder-suicide after getting him mutilated, and he either directly or indirectly killed everyone else. He's such an unreliable narrator that it's difficult to tell how the others of the Tulpar crew actually are because he sees everyone as beneath him."

"rape, murder, just generally being an asshole"

"LITERALLY A RAPIST"

[beetheyapper]

40 Instances of Chaotic Academia in My First Semester of College (YAY!)

I've had this cooking for months now, so I hope it's somewhat enjoyable. If you don't think these things are chaotic academia, I would like to firstly make it clear that I am a student at a university pursuing a degree in English, so everything I do at school is kind of inherently academic. Some of these, though, I admittedly am just sharing because I find them funny or ironic. Yay for entertainment!

This list spans my entire first semester of college, so it is quite extensive and I've hidden it with the cut. If you decide to look through, I hope you can get a giggle out of my agony. Thank you for your time <3

Chatting eagerly with my creative writing professor as she moved to the next class she had to teach—she was probably slightly annoyed by my presence, but willing to humor me as we climbed down flights of stairs—about my desire to be a writer and professor like she is. I want her job. I want it badly.

Hanging out and studying on the Quad (a plaza of sorts in front of the campus's main library) and getting acorns THROWN AT ME by a squirrel

Writing an entire essay as I was attacked by the aforementioned squirrel. The style of essay was inspired by Ross Gay's novel, The Book of Delights, which I read for my creative writing class, and yes, the squirrel was discussed.

Reading a passage from my American Literature homework aloud to my roommate to see if maybe she could grasp what the fuck it was saying. I gave up on this reading after pouring over it for about twenty minutes with only the slightest comprehension. (I hate the puritans)

Entertaining myself after my roommate has gone to sleep by watching video essays

On that topic, finding a video essay that I wholeheartedly disagreed with, and was moderately peeved by, and still watching it until the end.

Cutting up an old Van Gogh-themed calendar and using the images as wall decor.

Hanging a poster print of The Kiss by Klimt on one wall in our living room, and across from it is an awful drawing I made of "Micarus."*

This one is kind of just chaotic and sacralige, but the magnet hanging on our fridge of what appears to be an ai-generated (I know, I know. It was in Five Below, okay?) image of Jesus dunking a basketball. On it are the words: "He Is Rizzen"

My inability to refrain from writing the most attrocious run-on sentences

Having about 15 tabs open at all times on my laptop. It's astonishing that it hasn't crashed on me yet (someone knock on wood for me please—none of the wood in my dorm is real)

Joining the only student-run publishing press in the country in prose & poetry editing and acquisitions. IM HAVING SO MUCH FUN.

Having friends over for my 19th birthday and making them play Clue because it’s my favorite board game. Then, after everyone went home, going to the club with my older sister just to dance

Spending all of my dining dollars on coffees and teas to sip on and get me through study sessions/morning classes

Writing an essay at a football game because I’ll be damned if I miss it but I’ll be even more damned if I fail a class

Going to the library to study only to get absolutely nothing done because I accidentally spent the entire time rambling

Cranking out a wonderfully-written, two-page essay in an hour the day it's due only to FAIL because I accidentally submitted it as a .docx instead of a .pdf and my professor took FIFTY PERCENT OFF for that.

Going out to coffee with my American Literature professor because not only is it an extra credit opportunity in the class I bombed the essay for, but also just because I want to talk about literature

Watching an entire video essay breaking down "Nature" by Emerson as I do my makeup before class

Acting like a victorian child dying of the plague because I got an upper respiratory infection that lasted like two and a half weeks.

Using one of the shelves in my closet to hold my books because I unfortunately do not have an actual bookshelf

Having four seperate items related to Edgar Allen Poe. I love that sad freaky man

Having Daisy Jones and the Six in between The Picture of Dorian Gray and Pride and Prejudice on the aforementioned “shelf”

Getting myself a journal from a local bookstore that looks like a fancy hardcover edition of The Great Gatsby

Stressing over my American Lit midterm and studying with two friends for it at a local coffee shop for like six hours.

Having to make a dramatic video inspired by a verse of “Song of Myself” by Walt Whitman. I made it the day it was due 🙂‍↕️

Going the ENTIRE semester without my glasses because I couldn’t find them, then finding them my first day home for winter break.

Going out to the gay bar with my friend, sleeping over at her dorm, and then binge-watching the entire Hobbit trilogy the next day as we analyzed all of the differences between the films and book

Attending a “gala” on a whim, not realizing it was being hosted by the local ballroom dancing group. i showed up tipsy and overdressed

Constantly complaining about the architecture of the buildings on campus because there’s one that looks really cool and has a lot of intricate architectural elements, and then the rest are mediocre

repeatedly visiting the oldest building on campus (which has been turned into a museum) not only for the history and aesthetics of it, but also partially just to hold the sword

changing my autocorrect settings so that my acronyms turn into (roughly) shakespearean english. (example: “omg” becomes “O, by mine own holy grace!”) i did this for no reason other than I Thought It Would Be Funny. my actions plague me to this day.

repeatedly pondering changing my minors (so far I have gone world lit -> creative writng -> creative writing + latin -> creative writing + world lit)

making tomb stone decorations for halloween of famous gothic/horror authors

a continuation of the previous one, accidentally writing "Bram Stroker" instead of Bram Stoker. who stroking they bram rn

sitting in a coffee shop and writing fanfiction that I will never publish on ao3 purely for my own enjoyment. i should have been studying

talking to random french people** about literature and poetry even though i was supposed to be talking about something else

trying various new coffee shops around town because i'm a freshman and i'm trying to find the spot

telling myself i was going to set aside an hour every day to read (in an attempt to finish the many books on my tbr) and failing after like two days

quoting (from memory) "The Raven" by Edgar Allan Poe verbatim to my boyfriend in the middle of the night because we were holding a flashlight under our faces like kids telling ghost stories

*Micarus was born from a discussion about Icarus between me and my roommate. She accidentally said "Micarus," and after a shared chuckle at the thought, followed it up with "Mickey Mouse when he flies too close to the sun."

**for my french 102 class I had to do a few "TalkAbroad" sessions which is essentially just a zoom call with a french speaker of your choosing

[sevikas-whore]

part 2 of my Yellowjackets s3 yap fest

spoilers under the cut

pt 1

coincidentally, pt 1 was only about the adult timeline, and this will more or less be entirely about the wilderness era lol

ok firstly,,

💫- SHAUNA AND MELISSA⁉️ SHAUNA’S A GIRL KISSER CONFIRMED ❗️i'm feeling strangely patriotic about this lol, life feels the same way it did on the 21st of July 2024 when Rhaenyra kissed Mysaria

💫 - no, Melissa your so real for that 🫡, she saw her opportunity and she POUNCED on it, and you know what? I respect that. STOP and the way she was like “everyone’s terrified of you but I’m not” while her backs to a tree, a knife’s to her throat, visceral fear in her eyes, like she’s about to be hunted for sport, and you know what? I just KNOW she was horny as fuck LMAOOO

💫 - seriously though, it was a pleasant surprise, I’m glad she and the other girls like Gen and Akilah may get bigger roles, (although I’m scared for my girl Akilah, but more on that later) I’m extra glad about this though bc Melissa’s kinda (no kinda about it) hot, and for reasons I cannot explain she reminds me of Vi from Arcane and one thing about me… I LOVE LOVE LOVE Vi, ok? I do feel bad for her though, Shauna’s probably gonna ruin that poor girl

💫 - but, putting Melissa and Shauna aside for now, everyone’s looking extra fine this season, in both eras but especially in the wilderness era (is that what it’s called?? idk lol) and ESPECIALLY you Vanessa Palmer, specifically, when everyone was sat around her and she was wearing that fuck ass jacket thing and she was telling them a story

💫 - they’re little camp set up is so adorable, it looks almost more like they’re on a big group camping trip, until they start talking about their bad eating habits lol

💫 - overall, the atmosphere and environment seems so much warmer than it did before their first Winter last season, and I like to think that’s to kind of demonstrate how the girls have all settled a bit. before Winter, they were still all finding their feet, getting into a routine, they were still trying to figure out how to survive in their new reality, and obviously Winter was hell, and with that they had to assimilate again, they were faced with the full reality of how difficult it will be for them, and then the cabin fucking burnt down, but now, HUZZUH! Winter has passed, they were demoted from kinda homeless to homeless, but hey now they have fuck ass huts, and animals, and overall, I think it’s fair to say that for now, this is the most comfortable they’ve been since the crash, except for a few glaringly obvious issues

💫 - one of those issues is suspiciously Shauna and Mari shaped lol. it makes relative sense to me that Shauna is as angry as she is, like, considering how shitty things are for everyone, Shauna somehow has had an extra rough run of it. her best friend? dead as a direct result of an argument she should've won. oh! and to add to that, her dead best friend also started talking to her and everyone found out, so they all decided to join hands and eat her like it was a fucked up prayer circle. her baby? which is a product of her fucking the aforementioned best friend's boyfriend, yeah, also dead as fuck. good news though! they didn't eat him! another fun thing, after her baby died, they decided it was actually best to kill and eat one of their own, which seemed pretty fucking bad bc holy shit, its Nat, their gonna kill Nat. But then, in a shocking turn of events, things got somehow much better and much worse bc yay! they actually didn't kill Nat bc someone else died, oh but guys that someone was actually the youngest of them, and he's got an older brother, and the kid was really nice and him and Shauna lowkey had a bit of a maybe bonding moment a while ago, but hey at least now they have a leader/queen! but what the fuck why isn't that leader/queen Shauna? And oh, what the fuck? Shauna also has to skin and prep this nice, sweet kid to be eaten. And then, just the cherry on top, her fucking house burnt down, and now she and like, 16 other girls just became homeless in the bum fuck middle of Winter

like, when you bear all of that in mind, it makes sense why she's angry, as far as she's concerned she's been majorly wronged. then add in Mari who has consistently made little comments the entire time (which i think are hilarious) and is overall a bit of an ass, yeah thats fucking trouble

💫 - my favourite thing after watching those first two episodes, is imagining that this is how it is all the time, you know, happy, playing games, telling stories, raising bunnies and geese, but then yeah, Winter rolls around and they turn feral bc any vegetation is frozen over, animals have fucked off bc duh it’s Winter, so they’re not telling stories and raising animals, but they are playing games, specifically, a fucked up game of tag where everyone except one is 'it' and the person they’re chasing is dinner tonight. and they also sit around in kind of scary looking outfits bc it’s Winter you take what you can get, and they pray and leave offerings to this strange being (God?) that lives in the woods. But then Winter’s over again so everything’s fine, there’s maybe a few less huts bc obviously they ate a few people, but that just means there’s more space to tell stories and play games (non cannibal edition) and raise the animals, and they’re not feral anymore lol

💫 - also, Coach Ben! he's alive, he survived the rest of Winter, I definitely think he spent the rest of Winter and probably a few extra weeks just to be sure, in that hide out of Javi's, bc no one else knew about it except for Javi himself, and he's not really in the right condition to be running his mouth. But that pit he found with the food rations? First of all, that pit is 100% the same one from the beginning of season 1 when a girl runs and falls into it and fucking dies. Secondly though, I reckon the guy who dug the pit and put the rations there was probably the Cabin Guy, but also, the only thing making me think otherwise is, if the rations were Cabin Guy's why didn't he use them?

💫 - another coach Ben mystery, if he didn't set the fire, who did? I feel like the most likely answer would be the wilderness, which I wouldn't be opposed to that, but there are also just other possibilities. For example, Shauna was who woke everyone up when she climbed down the ladder and started yelling, but we see that while everyone else was lying in bed, the only other person already up was Tai, who was already kicking at a door, so maybe the one who started the fire was the Other Tai like, sleepwalking Tai. Bc in earlier episodes it was a focal point that Tai and Van sleep with their wrists tied to each other's so Tai couldn't get up and sleepwalk, at least not without Van feeling the tug of Tai trying to leave, but then we see that Other Tai is two steps ahead and just unties and reties them together when she comes and goes. so its possible that's what happened, Other Tai/sleepwalking Tai, untied the rope, got up and set the fire, then at some point, Tai woke up to the cabin on fire, with no knowledge it was her who set it

💫 - the way Lottie is giving Travis what I'm assuming are fucking shrooms or something? to get him high and make him 'connect' with the wilderness? like, what was the conversation leading up to that? 😭

lottie: hey wanna do drugs? but not together, do you want to do drugs, and I'll sit and observe how you slowly start hearing things?

trav: hmmm, you know what, yeah why not?

I felt so bad for him though; he was sat holding back tears with a goose in his lap while Lottie, either can't read the room of doesn't care comes up to him, like girl please, I love you, but give this guy a minute to breathe LMAOO

but then when he said the wilderness doesn't want him, bc it trusts Akilah more than him and so do the animals, and it showed Lottie walking over to her? cut that shit out RIGHT NEOWW

💫 - like, don't fucking play with me right now, 😭 please do not do this to that sweet, sweet girl. Akilah is such a sweetheart and I love her so much, please please PLEASE, don't subject her to such horrors 🙏

anyways, I have a few more thoughts but holy shit, I’m so tired so that’s all for now <33