#aforementioned: I was about to crash the fuck out

[nyctictea]

What an honor it would be to be felled by your hand

[dragons-and-yellow-roses]

Applying to an apartment with little income and terrible credit score, in hopes that they'll be desperate enough to take me

[helluvapoison]

Lend A Helping Hand

Lucifer, Adam, Lute, Vaggie and Husk need help preening

warnings: possible innacurate bird knowledge, heaven headcanons (also probably innacurate) illusions to sexual behavior but it’s not

[ii]

ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ

˚✧₊⁎ Lucifer ⁎⁺˳✧༚

• Lilith used help… when she was around. The thought of asking someone else, much less the act itself, scorched him with guilt

• Oh well. Lucifer did it before, Heaven had rules about it, so he can do it again! And of course he did! It doesn’t mean it’s not an excruciatingly long process he puts off as long as he can tolerate

• You walk in on him attempting to strain his arms in ways they certainly shouldn’t bend. “Need some help?”

• “Pfft, who me? No, no, no I—“ He pauses. It’s like the predicament he’s been caught in settles in slowly, his smile dropping and crimson irises widening to rival a puppy’s cuteness. “Yes.” He admits meekly

• Your fingers barely touch his feathers and Lucifer jolts. Like him, his wings are so sensative

• Don’t take it personally when he tries to back out after that, cheeks bright red from embarrassment. He has six wings and can barely tolerate your touch as is. This could take a while, he already feels bad

• After a teaspoon more of convincing and a gallon of reassurance later, Lucifer sits as still as he can (which isn’t very) while you gently break open the pin feathers

• You could tease if you wanted, make a joke to try and settle his nerves but something tells you his wings aren’t the only thing that’s sensitive

• Lucifer appreciates your assistance and tenderness more than words can describe, nothing seems like a big enough gift to reward your hard work

˚✧₊⁎ Adam ⁎⁺˳✧༚

• Usually it’s Lute that would help him (and vice versa if he feels like it) but she’s nowhere to be found. He can’t casually ask anyone else. Heaven and its inhabitants can be weird about certain shit, preening is no exception— even though everyone has wings here!

• Walking past Adam’s office, you heard a crash and a lot of swearing. “Sir, are you—?”

“Unless you’re gonna help, fuck right off!” He growls from the ground, still reaching at an awkward angle for his wings

• He’s shocked when you sit on your knees beside him and swat his hand away. “If you make this weird, I will leave.” You warn. He doesn’t dare make even a single comment

• Adam shivers when your fingers glide into his feathers. You wave it off the first time but can’t stop a laugh when it happens again

Face first into the carpet, his loud voice is muffled, “Shut! Up!”

• You take pity on him and don’t drag the process longer than necessary. Awarding yourself a final pet of his oddly soft wings, you stand up, “There. All better?”

• Rising to his feet and giving his wings an experimental stretch, he shrugs nonchalantly, “Thanks. I guess.”

• The next day, you receive a basket from Goody-2-Shoes with various snacks. The card reads, ‘Let me know when I can return the favor. Wings don’t have to be included. ~ A’

˚✧₊⁎ Lute ⁎⁺˳✧༚

• You know she needs help when she’s more irritable than usual. Snapping at everyone, even Adam, and flinching when her wings move in the slightest

• Approaching the subject with her is harder than anyone. As aforementioned it’s unspokenly taboo but that isn’t what stops her. Lute’s deep rooted issues with intimacy and needing help will make her walls thicker than ever

• “This is inappropriate,” Lute whispers.

In the dead of night she’s finally allowed you to assist but keeps fidgeting and surveying the area like someone will catch you two.

“It is not,” You roll your eyes, “Get your mind out of the gutter and be still! I’ll have you’ll feeling better in no time.”

• She seriously, seriously doubts that. Anything she can’t do herself, amongst certain divine exceptions, no one could do for her

• …But she’s letting you help (and your adept fingers are doing a better job) So either she doesn’t fully believe that, or you miraculously raised her expectations

• Lute decides the latter is acceptable– and a compliment, especially since you prove her wrong. Triple checking her wings, she can’t find a flaw or deny how wonderful they feel now.

• “This is adequate.”

You snort, “You could just say thanks?”

“How can I repay you?”

“I just told you.”

• She narrows her eyes, shocked and suspicious that you wouldn’t want anything. Lute, again, decides that your endeavor deserves an equal act of goodwill. Don’t take it for granted when she says, “No. I owe you one. One.”

˚✧₊⁎ Vaggie ⁎⁺˳✧༚

• She genuinely forgets what’s wrong with her when she needs to preen. Even with her wings folded away, the irritable pricking can be felt. She’s itching the back of her neck, hand clawing under the crew of her shirt and dipping between her shoulder blades when you ask when’s the last time she checked for pin feathers

• Vaggie’s always been independent. Up in Heaven she was a bit cocky with the fact she never needed help to reach them. Now, she felt helpless and stupid. Her arms cramped up, her hair kept getting in the way and the itching only progressed

• “Can I–?”

“No.” Her ivory eyes go wide, surprised at the fury of her own voice. Sighing and avoiding your (what she assumed was a) pitiful gaze, she apologizes. “Sorry. I don’t know why I… I used to be able to do this alone.”

Pausing at how defeated Vaggie sounds, you do your best to keep a positive, neutral tone.

“Cut yourself some slack, you haven’t done this in years. And, y’know, you don’t have to do it alone now. Not if you don’t want.”

• Smiling at the offer hanging in the air but not quite accepting, she goes about her managerial duties only to knock on your door afterwards

• Vaggie’s so grateful you can’t see how dark her face becomes as you sort through her wings. They’re not sensitive, they never were– it’s something about your fingers delicately touching her that cracks her resolve. Now she starts to understand why this was seen as an intimate act upstairs

• “Thanks for…” Still blushing, she gestures to her wings before hiding them, “Thanks.”

You try to keep up with her indifference but can’t help the smile spreading across your face.

“No problem.”

• If you think she’s not replaying the moment over and over in her head for days afterwards, you’re wrong. Vaggie’s desperately waiting for the moment to be just as useful to you

˚✧₊⁎ Husk ⁎⁺˳✧༚

• He’s hardly a fan of Angel touching him the way he does so a solid relationship is required to unlock the level of trust needed for this activity

• The first time it happens when you’re in his life, he won’t ask but also doesn’t reject the offer. Just looks extremely hesitant and uncomfortable

• Carefully, you pinch the rough layer and eye Husk from over his shoulder

• He breathes out a laugh, “Gonna take more than that to hurt me, sugar. Go on, I’ll be fine.”

• His wings might be the least sensitive… but that could also be all that alcohol in his system

• Husk hums as you work. After he gives a big, cat-like stretch and thanks you with a tip of his hat

• The simple gesture means more than you know, he’ll never forget it

~

╰(*´︶`*)╯♡ accidentally on purpose put them from most to least sensitive wings hehehe

big big big BIG thank you to @kottenox for the inspiration and letting me take this idea and run!

[shushmal]

steddie request! pre steddie during a pool day eddie feels cute aggression and bites the back of steve's shoulder and surprises him

It should be ILLEGAL, Eddie thinks, for Steve Harrington to allowed out into polite company, much less in a community pool where innocent eyes could gaze upon him. Objectively, sure, Eddie knows that those little pink swim shorts aren't any more scandalous that what anyone else is wearing today. Ted Wheeler is knocked out on a lounge chair with only a speedo. But it's Steve. And Eddie's doing his best to rehab his image in Hawkins, so drooling after the local Harrington prince wasn't going to help.

Never mind that it was Steve who drug Eddie out into Satan's crack that is Indiana summer in August. He'd made a good case about it, too—something, something, being seen doing good in front of all the moms at the community pool, something, something, Holly's birthday party, yada yada. Honestly, Eddie didn't hear most of it, lost in Steve's stupid, beautiful brown eyes.

What was Eddie going to say? No?? Be for real.

That was how Eddie found himself sat on a deck chair (thankfully one with an umbrella), in his jeans next to a cooler, handing little girls juice boxes and snacks when demanded of him.

Holly Wheeler must befriends with the entire elementary school, Jesus Christ.

Steve himself, in his aforementioned pink swim trunks, was playing as pool jungle gym and had kids crawling all over him. It helped a lot to keep Eddie from drooling after him, but didn't do a lot for Eddie's heart.

Worse than Steve being hot, was Steve being cute. Eddie couldn't take it. He was going to die.

Steve had one of the smaller kids perched on his hip, held safely up out of the splash zone, while the rest of the hoard took turns climbing up onto his shoulders and using him like a diving board, his free hand guiding them safely into the water as they jumped. It looked like hell to Eddie, but Steve was grinning ear to ear, rating each jump with a booming cheer that had all the kids screaming around him with each splash.

"Um, excuse me," snaps a little girl in front of Eddie. He glances down and feels like he's looking at a mini Erica Sinclair, her hands on her hips and scowling. A chilling sight.

"Whatcha need, shrimp?" Eddie sighs, flipping the cooler lid up to take another order. "We're out of red barrels, and our stock of blue is going fast."

She eyes him skeptically for a moment before her little shoulders slump. "Fine, I guess I'll take the blue."

"Here you go," he says, pulling the foil off for her since little wrinkled baby fingers have yet to manage it all day. "Now be gone with ye."

Treating him with another incredibly bitchy look for a third grader, she bounds off just as a shadow appears over Eddie. A wet arm hooks over Eddie's shoulders, just as Steve crashes into the deck chair beside him, too small for two nearly full grown men, the plastic creaking ominously. Steve is practically in Eddie's lap.

"Harrington, what the fuck," Eddie squawks, cold pool water soaking into his clothes because Steve is dripping wet.

"What the language, Munson," Steve says, still grinning, looking at Eddie with those brown eyes. His face is round and a little pink, and he's so close that Eddie can see the faint trail of summer freckles across his nose. He's so beautiful, and he looks so happy and excited to have Eddie's attention. "There's little ears—OW WHAT THE FUCK!"

Eddie opens his jaw and yanks his head back, almost as shocked with himself as Steve. He can taste pool water in his mouth. There's a line of pink teeth-marks on Steve tanned shoulder.

"Uh," Eddie says.

"Did..." Steve starts. He leans back a little, still half in Eddie's lap, to gape down at him. "Did you just... bite me?"

"Y-Yeah," Eddie breathes. "Whoops."

"Whoops?" Steve repeats, brows high on his forehead. "Why the hell did you bite me?"

"You're very bitable." Eddie's going to drown himself in the pool at this rate. "You're too cute. I had to bite you."

He watches as Steve's eyes narrow, watches as Steve begins to suss him out. Eddie's still too shocked with himself to do anything, can't even panic, because he's that much of an idiot and his brain has gone completely offline. Because Eddie bit Steve Harrington and then called him cute, Jesus Humphrey Christ.

Then Steve leans down, slowly, until his face is right in Eddie's, and an insane thought goes through Eddie's brain. I bit Steve Harrington, told him he was cute, and now he's going to kiss me.

Except Steve bypasses Eddie's face and lands his lips against Eddie's neck, where he then tries to take his own pound of flesh.

Eddie screeches.

Distantly, he recognizes what a weird blessing it is that they're at the community pool, surrounded half the elementary school, all of them screeching and screaming and splashing. Everyone is completely oblivious to whatever homosexual nightmare is happening to Eddie right now.

"You're pretty cute yourself, Ed," Steve says into the small space next to his ear. And then he's up and standing between one breath and the next. "We really gotta teach you some manners though," he says, grinning, before he turns and dives into the pool.

"Y-Yeah," Eddie says weakly in his absence. He can feel Steve's spit on his neck, rapidly drying the summer heat, the bite mark aching with promise.

[atticsandwich]

but you come back to what you need

pairing: mephistopheles / gn! reader (mc)

fluff, tension, mephisto's usual tsun tendencies, mc annoying their way into mephisto's heart etc etc

it's not your fault you enjoy crashing at the newspaper club room for your midday breaks. it's also definitely not your fault for pretending to be asleep when he plants a gentle kiss on your forehead, so it really can't be helped that you're trying to figure out how to get more.

i finally finished it LMFAO... i am so sorry for the delay fellow mephisto lovers....

prompt based off of this tiktok reddit video, although it took its own form eventually. (please give it a listen though it's way too fucking cute)

—

"You're here again?" Mephistopheles groans, seemingly annoyed, putting his pen down as you waltz into his office at the newspaper club room. It's spacious— almost as big as Lucifer's study back at home. You immediately find your place at the seating couch situated at the office's side, feeling your body sink into the soft cushion.

"Previous class drained the hell out of me," you groan, watching the demon across you roll his eyes. "I have a week to list out a bunch of plants I've never heard of and their most effective usage. Potions and stuff," you continue anyway.

"Hmph," he ignores the way you blatantly disregard his posed grievance of your visit, trying to return his focus to his paperwork. "...I have some books on Devildom botany on the second shelf."

You stop yourself from laughing at his attempts at being dismissive— as much as he hates admitting it, you eventually figure out that he doesn't mind your daily visits; an occurence that started out of pure accident, no less.

-

[You recall the first time you barged into his office, out of breath, narrowly escaping Solomon's pure-hearted attempt of making you a surprise lunchbox. You love the sorcerer, you truly do, but you weren't in the mood to have your stomach collapsing onto itself for the next three days. You could only be thankful Simeon gave you a heads up about his plan so you could avoid him during lunch, knowing well enough of your inability to refuse.

"Do me a favor and don't let Solomon know I'm here," he didn't get a chance to retort before you dived to hide behind his chair, just in time as someone started knocking on the office door. With a huff of defeat, he grants the knocker entry— who turned out, to be in fact, the aforementioned sorcerer.

"Mephisto, have you seen my apprentice around? I was meaning to give them homemade lunch, but they ran off right as the bell rang," clearly, the sorcerer was earnest in his actions, but even the demon could feel the malevolent aura emanating from the supposed 'lunch box'.

"No, I have not. I doubt they would come here of their own volition, more especially during break period," he quirked an eyebrow, trying to ignore the almost-vice grip you had on the back of his coat.

"Hm..." Solomon pondered for a second. "That's weird. I thought I saw them run in this direction... I must have been mistaken, then. Thank you anyway, Mephisto!" with that, the clueless sorcerer turned to leave, and it is only when you hear his footsteps fade into the hallways that you breathe a sigh of relief.

Clearing his throat, the demon looks down behind him, and you flash him a bright grin. "I owe you one, Mephisto! You're the best!" you say before quickly wrapping yourself around his back, dashing out of the office before he could say anything in return.

He's relieved you just barely miss the way his face flusters, and the small goofy smile that creeps its way to his face after he double-checks that you're out of periphery.]

-

You couldn't stop yourself from giggling at the memory while picking out the book from the shelf Mephisto directed to. It's been a few months since then, and although your visits started off sporadic, it eventually became a daily thing— much to the demon's proclaimed inconvenience. A facade, considering no annoyed demon would start keeping an extra teacup in his office that wasn't Diavalo's spare, which just so happened to be your favorite color. Or the fact that that his record player started having your favorite music on rotation— a complete coincidence!— he exclaimed in defense when you pointed it out one day. Or even the fact that his seating area, which once felt like a completely separate space from his work desk, was slightly rearranged so the sofa just so happened to be in a closer, more comfortable viewing and talking range— not to mention the blanket draped over the backrest which also just so happened to be perfect for midday naps.

"—And what might you laughing about? I doubt a book on botany is hardly a comedic masterpiece," he quips, pulling your attention away from the book.

"Mmm," you shift your angle slightly to look at him better. "Just remembered something funny, is all."

Rolling his eyes, he gets up from his chair to the room's small tea station, where a pair of teacups are set out, a tray of snacks also already conveniently prepared.

"Barbatos gave me this blend the other day, it's supposed to help out with stress. I'm guessing it'll be useful for Lord Diavolo as well."

"Mhm," you nod along, your focus already returned to your botany study.

You hear him mumble an incantation— probably some sort of heat spell to boil water, and it's not long after that he sets your cup on the coffee table, along with a select pick of snacks you usually went for first. You would've teased him about how he knows exactly which ones you go for it if not for the fact that you're fully engrossed with Devildom's botany, making steady progress on your assignment.

"Thanks!" the faint scent of something familiar hits your senses, though you couldn't quite put a name on it. "Mm, this tea is quite fragrant."

"If I recall, it's some sort of human realm fruit essence infused in the blend," he explains, taking a book from one of the shelves, sitting down across from you. "Bergamot, I think it was? I took a little sip earlier, and it's pretty good; although I expect nothing less from Barbatos."

"Ah, that's what it was. I knew it smelt familiar."

He mumbles something incoherently, though you can barely make out the words 'humans' and 'calming effects of familiar scents'. It really is laughable how he still feigns not caring.

"Done with newspaper work already? It's rare for you to take a break at this time of day," holding back a laugh at his ridiculousness, you notice a more faintly lax expression on his face.

"I'm already a bit ahead in progress, so I can afford a small break. On the other hand, I didn't think botany would catch your interest," he points out.

"There’s a lot of cool stuff here! I didn't think I'd enjoy researching it this much. Plants in the human realm just kinda... grow?... with some exceptions, of course," with that, you start listing off the ones you chose for your assignment, particularly enthused about plants often used for traditional and ceremonial practices.

Before long, you managed to finish more than half of your task, all that's left being to actually put it in paper. Tea drank and snacks consumed, you let out a pleased sigh before letting out a yawn and a stretch. Without a word, Mephisto stands to return both your book and his back to the shelf. This time, he pulls out a record from the display and goes to play it, which you instantly recognize as a record you recommended to him some weeks ago. Before you can bring it up, he throws a glare your way, preemptively sensing the teasing that was bound to come out of your mouth. You laugh at him instead, sparing him actual words (for now).

"Fine, fine, I'll shut up and just take a nap. Happy, newspaper boy?"

Groaning at the nickname, he walks over back to his desk. "Do whatever you want. And I already told you to stop calling me that."

"Mmhm," is all you can say, already comfortably in place with the couch blanket draped over yourself, the soft music from the phonograph combined with being filled from the tea and snacks already starting to lull you into deep relaxation. You hear Mephisto grumble something, and you notice his gaze towards you when you turned your head to look at him— one he quickly broke, pretending he wasn't caught.

"Did'ya say something?" your eyelids grow heavy, sleep starting to take over.

"...Nothing. I'll wake you up before your next class."

"I know you will," you mumble before dreaming away.

—

You're not certain how long you dozed off, but the slight shuffling of an office chair lulled you out of dreamland. Still being sleepy however, your eyes opted to remain closed, hoping to grasp every second of slumber before your afternoon classes. They remained closed when you hear a familiar demon's grumbling noises as he threw another batch of proposal articles in the bin, and they remained close when you sense him quietly walk over to you, his form slowly leaning down over your face. He's so close that you could feel his breath tickle your nose, and you might be hallucinating it, but you think you feel his heart beating a mile a minute.

"Tsk..." you hear him huff out, fingers carefully tucking your hair off your face.

"...I'll never understand why you keep coming back to me," this time, his tone is a lot more soft, you almost didn't recognize it. Half your conscience is telling you to come clean and open your eyes, but you suck it and keep up the act, wanting to see where it goes. You just hope he doesn't notice your own heart beating a mile a minute. You sense him inch closer

"What am I saying..." he whispers to himself.

"...Please keep coming back to me."

In what felt like a blur, you feel the warmth of his lips silently land on the center of your forehead. He lingers there for a few seconds, before you feel him pull away.

Come back, is what you wanted to say, but words have left your throat, and you almost forget you're supposed to be pretending to be asleep.

"...Ugh," he huffs out again, feeling his hair tickle your neck as he lays his head next to yours in exasperation. He snaps out of it in a flash, and you think it slipped his mind that he wasn't supposed to be caught— so much for that anyway, you think. He walks back to his desk, mumbling to himself, and before your mind could start overthinking about what just happened, you slowly sink back into comfort, the last string of thought your mind provided was how much you wanted him to do it again.

—

You wake up fully this time, by Mephisto snatching the blanket from your sleeping form— keep it up and you'll be late for your last class!, he chastises, and you only groan out a pleading 'five more minutes,' in response.

It's not until a few minutes after you get up that it clicks— that wasn't a dream.

Mephistopheles really kissed you in your sleep.

Sure, it was on your forehead, but now you can't help but continue thinking about it. You thought about it as you waved him goodbye as you left the club room, you thought about it the whole time in class, and you thought about it all the way back to the HoL, where you finally let out a muffled scream as you buried your head in your pillow.

You want him to do it again. You wanted him to kiss your forehead, then your cheek, then your—

"Hey, dinner's ready!~" Asmodeus' intrusion cut off your thoughts, but you couldn't even be bothered to care about dinner.

"Hey Asmo?" you ask. The Avatar of Lust perks his brow up in acknowledgment.

"Yes dear?~" it's scary how it's like he can sense what you were thinking...

"...You got any ideas how to get someone to kiss you while awake and not asleep on his couch?"

[starlemons]

Coffee and Crime ⋆✴︎˚｡⋆ PART NINE

Pairing ✦ mafia!bucky x reader

Word Count ✦ 1.1K

Warnings ✦ overall story has a 18+ content warning, MDNI, cussing, breaking bones, torture, murder, violence, weapon use

A/N ✦ Hiiii I'm back lol sorry it took so long for an update life has been HECTIC!!!

PART EIGHT »»» Series Masterlist

A loud crack echoed through the large room, the sound of a man following after it. 

“One more time, who the fuck do you work for.” Bucky hissed.

He towered above one of the men who had shot at you. Sam managed to catch both of the men after their vehicle had crashed. While Bucky was busy with you, Sam had brought them to one of the empty warehouses Bucky owned near the coast. 

“Fuck you.”, the man croaked back.

Another crack sounded, and the man paled, throwing up from the pain soon after. Bucky had broken all his fingers, one by one, for refusing to answer his questions. They were all bent at odd angles, rendering the man's hands useless. 

Bucky’s hand fisted in the man's hair and yanked his head back to stare at him. 

“You realize you still have ten toes, right? I will break each fucking one of them if you don’t tell me who sent you after my girl and I.”

The man's eyes filled with terror.

“Brock, Brock Rumlow.”

Bucky released his head and turned to leave. Nodding to Sam as he departed, the aforementioned man moved from his spot where he was leaning up against the wall, hand reaching to his side for his holster.

“Wait–No, I gave you the fucking information, you bastard!”

The man's shouts drowned out as Bucky shut the door behind him. A loud pop sounded a few seconds later; he was unfazed by it.

His pocket buzzed. Reaching for his phone, a grin lit up his face as he saw a text message from you.

Y/N: Would movie night tomorrow work?

Bucky: Of course, sweetheart.

✮ ⋆ ˚｡𖦹 ⋆｡°✩✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧✮ ⋆ ˚｡𖦹 ⋆｡°✩✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧✮ ⋆ ˚｡𖦹

You paced in your entryway.

“You’ll be fine, Y/N. Besides, you look great.”, Nat said from her spot on the couch. 

You were nervous about your second date with Bucky. It wasn’t that you were afraid of being shot at again, but it was the fact that you were already beyond smitten with this man and didn’t want anything to ruin it. 

You fidgeted with the hem of the grey T-shirt you wore. You had dressed in pajamas for your movie night, texting Bucky beforehand and making him agree to also wear pajamas. You wore your favorite pajama pants, silky pink ones adorned with tiny purple and red hearts. Your feet were tucked into a pair of fuzzy purple slippers a similar shade as the socks you wore. 

A knock sounded from your front door, almost making you jump. Turning toward the door you hurried to open it. Flinging the door open you looked Bucky up and down. He was dressed in tartan pajama pants, a tight white t-shirt, and black slippers. You smiled up at him happy he was already wearing his pajamas so you didn’t feel out of place. 

“Ready to go?”

You nodded, grabbing your bag from its hook next to the door.

Looking over you shoulder you called to Nat, “See you later!”

“See you guys.”, she waved at you, not looking away from her show. 

You exited your apartment, locked the door, and walked down the hallway hand in hand with Bucky.

The two of you made small talk on the way to his home, the trip going quickly. Pulling into his driveway Bucky threw his car into park and jumped out of the car hurrying to open your door for you. 

“Thank you.”, you blushed, smiling at the tall man.

“Of course sweetheart.”

The two of you ventured into his home, Bucky leading you down a hallway you hadn’t been down yet. Entering the room at the end of the hall your eyes widened. Bucky had a fucking theatre in his house, because of course he did. You thought to yourself that if you too were rich you would totally have a theatre as well.

Several rich black-leather chairs formed rows of four, the screen took up the entire wall in front of them, a popcorn machine popped in the corner, and there was a small countertop in the back of the room covered in different snacks and drinks. 

“This is so cool.”

Bucky felt his chest swell with pride, happy to have so far made you happy.

“Wanna grab some snacks and then we can pick a movie?”

“Yes!”, you beamed at him.

Hurrying towards the counter you pondered over which snacks to grab before selecting (you favorite drink) and a bag of (your favorite chips). Bucky grabbed a package of Reese’s Pieces and a bottle of water. 

You moved towards the popcorn machine before Bucky shooed you away, telling you to sit down and he would get the popcorn for the both of you. 

Plopping into one of the plush chairs you sighed, relaxing back into it and hitting the button to raise the footrest, propping up your feet. 

“How much butter or salt do you wat?”, Bucky asked from the popcorn cart.

“I’m not picky you can do whatever.”

A few minutes later and Bucky sat down beside you, setting the bucket of popcorn on the arm rest between your seats. The popcorn glistened in the low lights of the theatre room, it was saturated in butter, practically marinating in it. 

You let out a laugh.

“What?”, Bucky raised his eyebrow at you.

“Nothing it’s just, I didn’t realize when I said do whatever you want that you were going to drown the popcorn.”, you giggled out. 

He chuckled along with you.

“Hey this is the best way to eat it.”

“Oh whatever. How can you eat shit like this and still like a Greecian statue?”

“So you think I look like a Greecian statue?”, a wide smile plastered his face and he cheekily began flexing his large arms. 

A blush lit up your face and heat pooled in your stomach as you stared at his bulging biceps, almost salivating all over yourself. 

 He laughed at your bright face. 

“What movie a-are we watching?”, you stuttered out. 

“What do you want to watch?”

Bucky, as it turned out, had never seen Interstellar, which you had as one of your top five movies, so you very easily talked him into watching it. At the end of the movie you were a sobbing mess and Bucky sat with his mouth open taking a few minutes to process everything that had just happened in the movie. 

After you had calmed down and Bucky had regained his composure he asked if you’d wanted to stay the night again, an obvious yes.

“Yes of course, but I do have to be at work at eight in the morning.”, you frowned. 

“So what? I can take you to work.”

“You don’t have to–”

Bucky cut you off, cupping your face in his hand. 

“I don’t have to, but I want to Y/N.”

You could have swooned, instead opting for leaning in and softly kissing him on the lips, pulling away and murmuring a quiet thank you. 

The two of you moved upstairs to Bucky's large bed, and quickly fell asleep in each others arms.

PART TEN

TAGLIST IS CLOSED!!

TAGLIST ☆⋆｡𖦹°‧★ @danzer8705 @sebastians-love @mrsnikstan @mgchaser @singsosworld @moviegurl2002 @akiyhara @multifandom-boss-bitch @dopewerewolfdaze @jules-and-gems @scott-loki-barnes @baebank @calicoootalks @dumblani @watarmelon212 @haven-in-writing @barnesxstan @alilstressyandlotdepressy @calwitch @s-a-v-a-n-a-34 @greatmistakes @ozwriterchick @notsostrangerthing @baw1066 @sapphirebarnes @abaker74 @blackbirdwitch22 @greatmistakes @urfavfakeblonde @vioplay19 @greatenthusiasttidalwave @hisredheadedgoddess28 @otterlycanadian @ruexj283 @dontsassmecastiel @ordelixx @ilovemcuff @mellywelly1 @sunnycl0ver @capswife @arcadia-smith @slayerofthevampire @mackevanstanfan80 @lacey-mercylercy @annawilk @cheezemanz @hi7o0897ut6yr5te4 @mcira @sky-full-0f-fl0wers @latenightfuggin @ghostlyfluer @winchestert101

[everdreamofme]

Crashed The Wedding

thedore nott x reader

song inspo; crashed the wedding - busted

'Nott, will you stop bouncing your fucking leg?' Mattheo groaned. Theo rolled his eyes at his friends theatrics. To be perfectly honest, he couldn't care less if he was getting on Mattheo's nerves. His mind was preoccupied with other things. This had to be one of the worst days of his life - correction, the worst day of his life.

One would usually be overjoyed that one of their best friends was getting married today, but not Theo. And not when he had been in love with the aforementioned best friend for the best part of ten years.

'I can't just fucking sit here.' He huffed, slouching in his chair. The boys had originally been on their way to Y/N's wedding ceremony when Theo demanded to stop the car, declaring he couldn't go on to watch Y/N marry someone else. After giving him some cigarettes to try and calm him down and numerous attempts to coax him back into the car, it was decided that Blaise and Enzo would continue onto the wedding while Draco and Mattheo stayed with Theo for moral support. So here they sat, dressed fully in a suit and tie, in a dingey pub Salazar knows where.

'Either get your arse up and go to the wedding, or stop your moaning!' Draco snapped, finishing the rest of his drink. It was now Theo's turn to be dramatic as he groaned and threw his head back.

'You know I can't go to the wedding, Malfoy!'

'Yeah, mate. He's only been in love with her for ten years; watching her walk down the aisle to someone else probably isn't on his bucket list.' Mattheo chimed, making Theo groan again and drop his head onto the pub table before him.

'What the fuck do I do?' He mumbled.

Mattheo shrugged after a minute's silence. 'Could crash the wedding.'

Theo's head shot up, and Draco's eyes widened. 'What the fuck did you just say?'

'I said you could crash the wedding. Y'know, barge in and-'

'Yes, I know what wedding crashing is, Riddle!'

'Oh, no, you don't! Don't you dare be considering this!' Draco hissed at the two boys before him. 'You cannot ruin her big day!'

'No, no—think about it, Malfoy. This was an arranged marriage, right? Her parents organised the whole thing?' Theo asked, hopeful eyes turning to Draco as he now sat up straight.

'Yes.' Draco gritted out.

'So Y/N didn't really want to go along with this, did she?'

'Absolutley not, mate. No one ever wants to comply with a marriage arranged by their parents just to keep a pure blood line!' Mattheo nodded along as Draco glared at him.

'Why are you encouraging this, Riddle?! You can't ruin her day; she's your best friend too!'

'Which is exactly why I want her to be truly happy! Both of them!' He retorted. The trio were now getting strange looks from the other occupants of the pub, but they couldn't care less.

'Am I insane to be seriously considering this?' Theo mumbled.

'Yes!'

'Theo, you've been in love with the girl since, what, third year? Pretty sure she's been in love with you since then, too. Neither one of you has ever made a move—why? Not a fucking clue. But if you seriously want a chance with her, this is quite literally the last chance you're ever going to get.' Mattheo spoke, probably the most serious either Theo or Draco had ever seen the boy.

'He's right.' Both boys' eyes snapped towards Draco.

'Oh, caved now, have we?' Mattheo asked sarcastically, raising an eyebrow.

'Piss off, Riddle.' Draco huffed before turning back to Theo. 'But he is right. This is your final chance to admit it to her. You don't have to barge into the place, wand ready for combat and all, but once those words are spoken, you've lost her, mate.'

Theo's eyes darted between the two boys before him as he nervously chewed his fingertip. He stood abruptly, knocking his previously occupied chair to the ground. 'I'm going to fucking do it.'

'Y/N, you look absolutely stunning!' Pansy gushed as she stood behind the girl, lightly fixing her hair.

'Thanks Pans.' Pansy quirked an eyebrow as Y/N gave her a small smile through the mirror.

'Everything alright?'

'Y-yeah, no, I'm fine. Just nervous.'

'And you're sure you want to go through with this?' She asked, making Y/N frown at her best friend.

'Pansy.' She warned, making the brunette throw her hands up in surrender.

'I'm just checking, babes! It's my job to make sure you're all good!' Y/N turned and gave her a pointed look before both girls began giggling.

'I can't believe I'm getting married.'

'Me too. Come on, it's your time to shine.'

It was a relatively small wedding, with only a handful of guests from both the bride and groom. Y/N had to practically beg her father to let five of her friends attend.

Pansy made her way down the aisle first, arm linked with one of Jack's groomsmen. Smiling at her guests as she made eye contact, Y/N began her descent to the altar. Catching Enzo's eye, she laughed softly as he gave her a huge grin and a thumbs up. Her smile faded completely once she noticed the three seats next to Blaise and Enzo were empty—where were Mattheo, Draco, and most importantly, Theo? Could her best friend not even bother to show up for her wedding? Reaching the altar, she rapidly blinked the tears away before they could fall. 

'Are you alright?' Pansy whispered as Y/N handed her the bouquet of flowers she carried down the aisle, causing the bride-to-be to nod curtly and turn to the altar.

The officiant began his speech as Pansy's eyes flew around the room, narrowing when she spotted only her boyfriend Blaise and Enzo in the empty row of where her friends should be. They had better be dead, or I will kill them.

'If anyone wishes to object to this marriage, please speak now or-'

The poor officiant was cut off mid-sentence as the door swung open, causing Y/N to flinch and their guests to gasp. Whipping her head around, she saw the cause of the interruption. Theodore Nott stood slightly out of breath in the doorway she had not long come through herself, looking like a deer caught in headlights, with Draco and Mattheo behind him.

'Holy shit.' He breathed, staring at the girl before him. 

'Y/N, you... you look breath-taking...' The officiant cleared his throat, snapping Theo out of his trance as he looked around the room.

'Sorry! Sorry, uh, Y/N, can I borrow you for a second?' Y/N's eyes widened at the question.

'I'm kind of in the middle of something here, Theodore!' She hissed at the boy before her. Whirling around, she grabbed her soon-to-be-husband's hand and gestured for the officiant to continue.

'Oh, uh, yes! Yes. As I was saying, if anyone wishes to object to this marriage, please speak now or forever hold your peace.'

'I object!' The room filled with gasps and whispers as Theo shouted from the bottom of the aisle. Pansy's hand flew to her mouth, Blaise's eyes almost popped out of his head, and Enzo's jaw dropped. Mattheo stood grinning proudly behind Theo, while Draco's lips pursed.

'Theodore!' Y/N hissed again, whirling around to face her best friend with a thunderous look on her face.

'Please! Please, just hear me out, Y/N...' He begged, taking a step towards the altar, where she stood.

'I'm in love with you. So deeply, tragically, in love with you. You're all I ever think about, ever since that day in third-year potions when you had absolutely no clue what to do and asked if I could simplify the instructions for you. I thought to myself, how you were the most beautiful girl to ever roam the halls of Hogwarts, and that still stands true to this day.'

'You're the most beautiful girl to ever roam the entire earth. And not even just beauty; you are the smartest, funniest, and most caring person I have ever met in my entire life. And I'm sure anyone who has ever met you will one hundred percent agree with me when I say that you honestly light up any room you enter, even with just your smile.'

'And, quite frankly, I am the biggest fucking idiot on the planet because I have loved you, constantly, for over ten years, and I've never done a thing about it. I have so much to say, and I'm so fucking sorry that it's on your wedding day. I just had to tell you; I love you, Y/N'

The entire room was silent as Theo finished. He now stood a few steps below her, looking up into her eyes as she stared back at him with tears in her eyes, mouth opening and closing like a fish.

'Theo, I-I..'

'Fuck this.' Her groom mumbled, descending the few stairs and making his way back up the aisle. This seemed to snap Y/N out of her trance as she looked up from Theo's gaze after her groom.

'Jack - where are you going?'

'Come on; neither of us wanted this wedding; we were just doing it to please families. And I'm certainly not going to take that kind of love away from you.' He explained, nodding at Theo as he did so. Shooting her a wink, he turned and left the room, his family beginning to apparate out of the building after him.

Y/N blinked a few times before looking back to Theo, who she found was already staring up at her.

'I, I don't know what to say, Theo.' She whispered. He smiled as he took her hands, giving a light kiss to her knuckles.

'Mi amore, you don't have to say anything.' Y/N took a couple of steps down, becoming level with Theo as she placed her palms on either of his cheeks.

'It's taken me a moment to fully comprehend all of those lovely things you said about me, Theo. I guess I'm just overwhelmed, and that's why I can't find the words right now, but I just want to tell you that I love you too. So, so much, Theo. I love you so much.'

'Oh, thank Salazar.' He muttered before pulling her towards him and crashing his lips against hers. Y/N's arms moved around his neck as Theo's snaked around her waist, pulling her as close as he possibly could. The whooping and cheering of their friends broke the two apart as they pressed their foreheads together and grinned.

'Long time coming, eh, boys?'

'Berkshire, you owe me ten galleons; - told you they'd get together!'

silly little idea i had when i heard this song today

[lauren-ce]

Ideal City is hilarious. The main conflict is an architecture spat between a minimalist and a maximalist, and the big issue they're fighting over is whether or not to demolish a waterslide that's in the way of a bridge. That's like, the whole plot??

Like! What the fuck am I reading?

Anyway, here's some more bits that made me laugh:

Out of context Gavial:

The psychic damage I received from seeing this character and then reading their name:

Gavial (™️):

The aforementioned maximalist and minimalist arguing over who gets to be the architect that fixes the dome they all live in:

Stitch: I don't give a fuck, do what you want with the dome.

Catch: I'm gonna make it a kaleidoscope!

Stitch: I'm gonna fucking kill you if you so much as touch MY dome

The gang decide to have a swimming race, but it's the most stupid setup of all time because the racers are:

Gavial (with an old man on her back)

Pozëmka (who never bothered to change out of her long, flowing robes)

Elysium (who has done LITERALLY nothing but get hammered since he got there)

All the while, the Durin make a big Durin tower so the Race Commentator With The Silly Name can see the racers, and the obvious happens (since they're all hammered)

And just when Gavial is about to win the race, oh my god!!! It's Minimalist with a speedboat!!!

Except he's so bad at driving that even though he wins, he loses control of his ride and crashes the boat straight into the wall (the boat is called Ale Keg, btw)

(And actually the Durin decide that the boat won, since Mininalist lost control of it)

Even when the plot actually decides to kick in (there's an Originium vein about 500m from the city that's about to explode), it does so with incredible anticlimax.

Gavial: You all need to evacuate.

300,000+ Durin: You want us to leave this Ideal City, this paradise in which we do nothing but get sloshed and play in the water, and maaaaybe work 2 hours a week? The city we build with our own hands? You want us to leave that all behind and rough it on the surface?

Gavial: Pretty much

300,000+ Durin: That seems reasonable! We don't wanna die after all. Lead the way (:

Then it comes up that Acahualla will need a new Lord Ameer to provide stability and unification (so that the rest of Sargon keeps minding their own business once all those Durin are aboveground and introducing their advanced tech to the surface)

Gavial: Hey Inam, my best buddy, remember how I made you the Great Chief at the last minute at the end of "Great Chief Returns"?

Inam: We're doing a rerun of that?

Gavial: Yeah.

Inam: So I'm the Lord Ameer now?

Gavial: Teehee~

The evacuation goes off without a hitch, and gasp! The Durin decide to stop drinking alcohol until their new, aboveground city is built.

And that's it (:

[king-crawler]

I know you have a Turbo themed playlist with 129 songs in it (well some of them are memes not songs but whatever) but what are your like, MOST Turbo songs? Give us your top 5-10 songs that represents him best.

OH BOY!! IM GLAD YOU ASKED!! ok here are my TOP 10 !!! i totally didnt edit this post like 5 separate times

Full playlist if you’re curious (may contain trash)

Again mostly just vibes but I really really like these if we’re considering Turbo specifically

Mariokart 8 Deluxe - Excitebike Arena

Here’s his silly TurboTime era. He’s so joyous and silly here he would never kill a man

Agent Orange - Bloodstains

This is peak RoadBlasters incident era Turbo. It really fits his “road rage aesthetic” idk LMFAO

Lemon Demon - Cabinet Man

Mandatory cabinet man. This is just his song. Every single lyric applies to him 😭 I like imagining “but there’s this tiny little box in Japan” is him finding out about RoadBlasters and “it’s getting lonely, it’s getting hard to breathe” is after he crashes it. Honorable mention I really like this cover by ANRY L STUDIOS whose videos also inspired the end of my own video :)

TWRP - Phantom Racer

SPEAKING OF ROAD RAGE LOL. THIS SONG IS SO FUN AND HONESTLY TIES 1ST PLACE WITH CABINET MAN.

Not only is every line extremely reflective of his murderous and competitive tendencies but it ALSO PERFECTLY PARALLELS HIS UNDEAD SYMBOLISM ?? WITH HIM BEING GHOSTLY/DEVILISH AND ALL…. AND EVEN HIS INFAMY/haunted legacy with the line “there’s something familiar about that car…” dude.

LAPFOX TRAX - The Queenstons - Terrible Ride

ok i was shy to add this one during my original ranking but it really is a top 10 Turbo song to me shhhh.. I love how nasty and dark the synths are and also the lyrics talking about going fast and the Aforementioned Ride (that is Terrible)

GHOST - cut the act (everything ruined in moments)

I Fucking LOVE this song oh my god it’s so glitchy and fucked up and dramatic and the entire title and even the artist being named “GHOST” just screams Turbo dude I can’t. This is his reveal scene song

Pendulum - Granite

I love dark electronic D&B or whatever the fuck this is it sounds so glitchy and evil this is PEAK TURBOCORE IDC

Oh yeah also the spooky ghost sounds at the beginning are a good touch

APAngryPiggy - Let Me Out

Ok hear me out the first 36 seconds of this one are fucking PEAK TURBO and it even parallels with how he gets burned alive at the end of the movie . then it kinda divulges back into Obvious Fnaf song material but I’m adding it because the intro is just that good. I’m gonna do a backflip

My Chemical Romance - The End.

The “YOU CAN’T SAVE ME” is what really gets me. Turbo was too far gone the moment he felt the spotlight and he lost himself entirely. Fucking tragic and raw song, I cannot get enough of how it channels his anger and his fear of dying hated by everyone.

…

ANYWAYS THANKS FOR ASKING TEEHEE !!!!🌈❤️

BONUS: MaimyMayo - FNF: ARCADE ARCHIVES vs Turbotastic

this is actually the only Real Turbo song (official) and I LOVE it so much its so goddamn catchy

[queersyourgender]

Could I request Frank Langdon and gn!reader comforting them after a particularly hard day at work

Good Things — Frank Langdon x GN!Reader

Notes: Helloooo there total stranger who is not also my bestie whom I roped into sending me a request as well!! Thank you so much for this excuse to write my favorite white boy ever being doted on. Warning for non-sexual nudity and mentions of car accidents, but that's about it!

———

It's well past 10 PM when you hear the key turn in the front door's lock. You spring up off the couch, your socked feet thudding against the wooden floor of your home as you quickly but quietly approach the door. Frank barely takes two steps inside before you're reaching for his things and taking the weight off his person.

“Hey, babe,” he greets you tiredly, and God, you ache at how absolutely exhausted he sounds. You'd seen the pileup on the news, you knew PTMC was going to get the brunt of the car crash victims. Still, you'd hoped he wouldn't come home dead on his feet this way.

“Hi, honey,” you reply softly, setting his bag aside and reaching up to kiss him. You let him lean on you entirely, wrapping your arms around his middle as he rests against you, shoulders sagged and eyelids heavy. “Are you okay? Was it bad?”

Frank smiles at you, fondness shimmering in his blue eyes as he shakes his head. “No, actually,” he tries to cheer you up by saying as he runs a hand through your hair. “I mean, the injuries were bad, yeah, but we barely lost anyone. Took a lot of fucking effort though.”

“I'll bet,” you murmur, nuzzling up to him as you try to carry as much of the invisible weight on his shoulders as you can. “Are you hungry? I just put the lasagna in the fridge, I can reheat it for you quickly.”

Frank hums, burying his face in the crook of your neck and letting you steady him as he sways slightly to the side. “Hm, maybe… But first, I desperately need to get the hell out of these clothes,” he tells you, pulling away with great difficulty. “The kids asleep?”

“Oh yeah, they're conked out,” you confirm, and giggle softly as he immediately takes that as his okay to start stripping right then and there at the entrance. He leaves a trail of clothes behind himself as he goes to set the bag you set aside for him away, and you smile in endearment. 

An idea strikes you and you (quietly) clap your hands together. “Oh! Let me run you a bath,” you tell him excitedly, racing past him and to the bathroom as you move to turn the hot water on before he could get redressed. “I'll put soaks for you and mood lighting and everything. It'll be so good.”

He smiles as he watches you flit about, grabbing the aforementioned bathwater soaps and those teeny tiny fake candles you like to keep on the top of the medicine cabinet. You can feel his amused eyes on you as you meticulously start arranging them around the edges of the bathtub, trying to make hearts with them yet not quite having the space.

“You're ridiculous,” Frank tells you, sidling up behind you and snaking a hand underneath the hem of your shirt. “Join me?”

You turn your head to the side and smile rather bashfully, nodding your agreement to the suggestion. He lets you go so you can take your clothes off, instead moving forward to step into the tub. You make haste, eager to start rubbing shampoo in his silky hair, and he snorts at you for it.

He sits back in the tub, and you settle in the space in front of him, fitting snugly between his legs and turning to face him. The tub isn't particularly big, but it's big enough to be comfortable, and that's all that matters to you right now. That's all you want for him.

Without even realizing it, you start humming softly as you pull him close, running your hands along the length of his spine. Carefully, you press where you know it's probably most sore, smiling apologetically when he first hisses in pain but then follows it up with a groan of relief.

“You're so good to me,” he breathes into your shoulder, which was now damp from the steam rising in the closed bathroom and encompassing you both whole. You smile and press a soft kiss behind his ear, right at the spot that makes him shiver.

“You deserve good things,” is all you say, and Frank's arms tighten around your waist, his response unspoken yet echoing off the tiles loud and clear.

[minkdelovely]

obsidian

✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧     ✧     ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧

“baby

i’ve been waiting

my whole life

for

you and i”

Charlie x Vaggie; Chaggie ; MDNI 18+

tags/warnings: vaggie worship (at 👏🏼 the 👏🏼 top 👏🏼✨ just in case y’all forgot i love love), demon charlie, fluff, adoration, touching/petting, kissing, smut: praise, breast sucking, and vaginal fingering (yes you read ‘fluff’ right above this so what?)

word count: 2.4k

find out more on how you can still donate here

author’s note: it was such an honor to join in on this incredible event created and hosted by my dearest friends @hellsgreatestevents! if you haven’t seen the main post, please check it out and share if you are unable to donate — while the event was yesterday, there’s still time to help raise awareness for this extremely important cause! this is my personal contribution and my first foray into writing for chaggie; something i’ve been wanting to do for a long time but felt absolute NEED when @notherpuppet posted this breathtaking art back in january. many, many thanks to mare for giving me her blessing to use this piece as inspo. i hope it does them justice and that you all enjoy it! quote is from ii hands ii heaven by beyoncé 🙏🏼✨

✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧     ✧     ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧

Eternity had its perks, but that didn’t mean there weren’t days that felt like eons. 

It had been a tumultuous one for Vaggie and Charlie, stress racketing up bit-by-bit as they navigated the chaos of the day. They could barely manage to lock eyes with each other to exchange a silent what the fuck before another problem fell into their lap. Alastor had been noticeably absent, leaving them alone to handle mangled pep talks, patching walls, and cleaning up ambiguous fluids in the parlor. So when the aforementioned Overlord finally decided to waltz back into the lobby, there was only a split second of relief before he opened his mouth.

“The hotel seems especially shabby today! Was there a hurricane I didn’t hear about? I didn’t think we had those.” 

It didn’t take much for Charlie to bite her tongue, not when she could tell that Vaggie was seeing red — Alastor’s silhouette all she could find in the reflection of her girlfriend’s eye. 

“Aaaand I think it’s time for a break!” Charlie said, her voice flirting with mania as she quickly wrapped an arm around Vaggie’s waist to direct her towards the stairs. Turning to give the Hotelier a pointed look before adding, “I’m sure Alastor is more than capable of managing things for a while.” 

All she got in return was a slow blink and ambiguous smile, which didn’t leave her with much confidence that Alastor would actually stick around to do his job. Something she might have lectured him over if she wasn’t just as desperate to escape upstairs for a bit.

Charlie did her best to deflate Vaggie’s anger, gently smoothing out her hair as Vaggie muttered to herself in Spanish. They had barely managed to close the bedroom door before crashing into each other, pent up frustration escaping in a steaming hiss of relief as lava meets the ocean. 

Vaggie groaned as they clung to each other, with Charlie merely sighing in agreement. Both of them slowly began to relax as their hands mindlessly roamed and petted the other in an effort to soothe. Vaggie shivered as Charlie removed the bow from her hair, the tingle in her scalp traveling all the way down to her toes. 

They pulled away from each other after a moment, the exhaustion of the day so evident in both of their faces. But there was softness in their eyes, sprinkled with a glimmer of pride, and they both let out a soft chuckle before Charlie leaned down to rub her nose against Vaggie’s.

“You did a great job today,” she said, bringing a hand up to cup the angel’s face. “No matter what the problem is, you always know what to do. I really couldn’t do this without you, you know.”

Before her mind could even catch up with the action, Charlie kissed Vaggie’s face; her pace heated but intentional as she eagerly made her way to Vaggie’s jaw. She couldn’t help but nip her teeth at the soft skin, humming as felt the angel relax more in her arms; a heady sigh leaving her lungs through her lovely, open mouth. 

The Princess really couldn’t help but admire the view. Pride scorched through her veins to see the stoic face she adored melting away into one of pleasure. Vaggie’s eye was closed, her thick eyelashes fluttering against her cheekbones. Showcasing the delicate angles of her face in a way that made Charlie’s heart ache, and she couldn’t help but continue to show her appreciation with each kiss. 

“You’re so fucking beautiful,” Charlie purred, baring her fangs again to gently scrape at Vaggie’s throat, right over her black choker. 

She felt her horns begin to sprout as Vaggie cursed in response, relishing the transformation as her eyes glowed gold and sclera went red. Charlie always felt so at ease in this form — her now wild, flowing hair nearly a manifestation of the feeling. Vaggie liked it too, if the sudden roll of her hips was any indication. Charlie took this as her cue to shrug off her jacket, tossing it to the side before she pulled at the bow at her neck. The black slip of fabric and her button up shirt quickly joined their red counterpart on the floor.

“You’re one to talk,” Vaggie chastised, what little edge there was in her tone softened by the timid look on her face before she turned away. The sight of Charlie’s half-naked body making her bashful, despite how much she knew Vaggie admired it.

Charlie loved that she was still shy like this. This sweet vulnerability that no one else got to see but her. Outside of these doors, Vaggie was constantly on high alert. Never allowing herself to be fully relaxed when anything could go wrong in an instant. To those who didn’t know her well, she must seem very stern. And while they may catch glimpses of the softness that hides underneath, it was only Charlie who got to bear witness to this side of her.

No walls, no threats, no guests. Here, it was just the two of them, safe and sound. Where they could completely let go and focus just on each other.

It was only too easy to get lost. 

Charlie’s hands never felt like they were touching enough — her desire to caress and grab and hold easily outweighing her physical capability to satisfy her need. But she managed, reminding herself that they had all the time in the world as she pulled away just long enough to take Vaggie’s shirt off. She would pet her pretty angel for eons if that’s what it took, never tiring of how it felt to have Vaggie’s soft skin under her fingers. Unable to resist giving a testing squeeze to feel the lean muscle underneath.

And still, it wasn’t enough. 

No matter how many scratches or bruises, bites or kisses Charlie gave, her hunger seemed bottomless. She needed more. More shaking, more heat, more goosebumps, more heaving breaths. More of those beautiful whines and moans, echoing off the walls of their room with the resonance of a bell tower. The fruit of her efforts ringing in her ears was nothing short of devious; a wicked symphony of cursing gasps as Charlie’s hand dipped under the hem of Vaggie’s skirt to palm over her panties. 

Charlie chuckled and gave Vaggie a gentle rub, unsurprised to find that she was already wet. “My perfect girl… Have I really made you feel this good already?”

All Vaggie could do was hum and nod, the golden flush under her lavender skin renewing with force. Her eye opened just slightly, and Charlie was thrilled to see that her pupil was blown; a small yellow ring glowing against the surrounding pink. A hot wave of affection coursed through Charlie, dumbstruck again over how ethereal her girlfriend was.

While she hated what Vaggie was subjected to to end up here in Hell, she couldn’t help but be grateful for the twist of fate. God may have created her, but Vaggie was wasted on Heaven. She was always meant to be here with her. And though Charlie wouldn’t consider herself possessive, she was definitely proud.

There were very few things that made Charlie feel confident. A true, albeit sad, admission. And though that list was gradually beginning to grow there was one thing in particular that Charlie could easily say she was truly talented at. Being an excellent lover was an innate gift, a trait that was likely unavoidable given her parentage, and one that so many had to strive for success in, and even then struggled to maintain.

Charlie didn’t take it for granted, though it had been a long and bumpy road in terms of receiving as well as she gave. Awkward and disappointing memories of past relationships flashed through her mind, but she would never regret her efforts. Whether it was giving extravagant presents out of the blue, or rendering her partner speechless in bliss, Charlie was happy to do it. And when the returns began to feel like too much of a deficit she would walk away, left to wonder if she was to be forever burdened with an uneven scale of affection.

Her partnership with Vaggie was recompense. 

Charlie was resolved to show her gratitude and slowly sank to her knees, kissing down Vaggie’s neck, an appreciative moan caught in her throat as she reached the top of Vaggie’s breasts. She brought her hand out from between Vaggie’s legs to teasingly rub and pinch at the softness of her thigh; her other hand kneading Vaggie’s left breast as she kissed the right. A wicked smile spread across her face as Charlie felt the angel’s nipple perk up, giving it a hungry lick over the lace of her bra. The roughness of the fabric against her tongue was a pleasure in itself, but nothing could compete with the way Vaggie’s chest heaved, her heart pounding just below.

She couldn’t bring herself to detach her mouth from Vaggie’s skin for even an instant, relishing the taste of it as she made her way to Vaggie’s other breast. Angels didn’t sweat, but seemed to be imbued with a sweetness she couldn’t place — somewhere between amber and honey that only the Divine could have conjured. Charlie swallowed a rush of saliva just thinking of what awaited her a little further down, using the opportunity to take Vaggie’s breast into her mouth. Her left hand massaging the other, while her free hand snuck behind Vaggie to run a mischievous claw down her spine before coming back up to unclasp her bra with ease. 

With the give of the garment, Vaggie’s breast settled further into the heat of Charlie’s mouth, and she hummed as she suckled the sensitive flesh. Vaggie’s head fell back, a strangled whine leaving her as Charlie let the bra fall away. The warmth of their bare skin finally making contact, while Charlie’s forked tongue teased at Vaggie’s pert nipple.

“You always take things slow,” Vaggie pouted, writhing under Charlie’s touch in a silent plea for more. “Please, amor, I can’t wait… Not today.”

Charlie cursed around the flesh that was still in her mouth, Vaggie’s words igniting the kerosene in her veins. Her whole body was suddenly hot, the ache of her own need screaming to be sated as she tugged Vaggie’s skirt and panties down. Vaggie moaned at the show of force, quickly stepping out of the garments and peeling off her gloves before resting her hands behind Charlie’s neck. 

Vaggie was a vision standing in only her stockings, and Charlie made no secret of her appreciation as her hands roamed the expanse of naked skin. Charlie squeezed Vaggie’s full hips as she pulled the angel closer, straightening herself up enough so that their mouths could find each other to indulge in a deep and languid kiss. Her hands now gliding over Vaggie’s thighs, ass, and waist — kneading and rubbing the suppleness of her body as she drank in every sound and twitch from her love. Vaggie’s impatient grinding against her torso too much to ignore as Charlie’s left hand made its long awaited return to Vaggie’s core, lightly rubbing against her folds before spreading them open to coat her fingers in the ambrosial slick she took such pleasure in inspiring.

“Is this better, Angel?” Charlie teased, licking the underside of Vaggie’s chin as she took in the ruined look on her girlfriend’s face. She couldn’t help the proud smile that tugged at her mouth as Vaggie’s hips rocked against her hand, begging for the fingers that had yet to enter her. 

“Charlie,” Vaggie growled, her nails biting into the thin skin of Charlie’s neck in warning. “You know it’s — ah!”

Vaggie’s complaint was cut short with a swipe of Charlie’s thumb over her swollen nub, her hand finally applying a generous force as she massaged Vaggie’s sex. Charlie placed a kiss over Vaggie’s heart as she finally pressed in, unsurprised that she could glide two of her fingers into her core with ease. And while Vaggie had asked for a quicker pace, what good would it do to hurt the one she cherished over all others? Charlie knew the relief of being filled was enough to quell her impatience for now as she slowly worked Vaggie open, allowing her some freedom to grind into the base of Charlie’s hand.

As they found a rhythm, a string of barely-coherent curses tumbled from Vaggie’s mouth, her breath coming in hot puffs of steam against Charlie’s face that refused to look away. Charlie crooked her fingers and angled her hand so that she was passing over the spongy bundle with each motion, her pace fueled by the eager desperation of Vaggie’s body pulling her in. The room was a symphony of moans and heavy breath, underscored by the lewd wetness between Vaggie’s thighs.

Charlie always knew when Vaggie was close. It always started with a flex of her abdomen, a bite to her lip. Her walls squeezed around Charlie’s fingers as if wishing to commit them to memory, arousal pouring down her hand and landing in warm droplets that soaked into Charlie’s pants. If she had been feeling truly devious, Charlie would have pulled her hand away. Leave Vaggie to whine and bemoan the loss and draw out their fun for a while longer. 

But it had been such a long day… Vaggie faced every challenge head-on and determined as she always did. And deep down Charlie wanted nothing more than to give back as much of the love and security that Vaggie gave to her, by whatever means were bestowed upon her to do so.

“Let go, baby… Cum for me, please, I’ve got you.”

The words were out of her mouth before she could even register that she had said them, with Vaggie’s orgasm quick to follow. She cried as her muscles and body spasmed while Charlie worked her through it, fingers pressing more than pumping as Vaggie’s hips rocked against her soaked palm. After a moment, Charlie withdrew her hand and brought it to her mouth, their eyes locked on each other as she lapped at the sweet arousal that was too precious to waste. She finished with a salacious grin, and hooked her arms under Vaggie’s thighs before rising off the floor.

Vaggie wrapped herself around Charlie, taking refuge in her strength as she placed soft and reverent kisses wherever Vaggie’s lips could touch as Charlie brought them to the bathroom. All their worries forgotten by the promise of a hot bath and another evening of finding refuge in their loving bed.

Meant to be, like ocean waves against volcanic shores.

✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧     ✧     ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧

tag list: @fairyv-ice, @wat4r, @midorichoco, @raynerrold, @krak-jj, @tremendoushearttaco, @redfoxwritesstuff, @chibistar45, @kaylopolis, @cutiebimbo, @lousypotatoes, @rfox1998, @cosmiccandydreamer, @hyperfixations-keep-me-going, @catticora, @velvette3, @sailorsmouth, @reath-solia, @junieshohoho, @cxrsedwxrlds, @littlebluefishtail, @nxcxllxsevens, @swagkittybear, @hazelfoureyes, @sugoi-writes, @fraugwinska, @macabr3-barbi3, @synamartia, @kewpikayo, @reinthechaosdeer

[oshygoshy]

6:37 pm

word count - 907 words

warnings - kuroo is a loser also shitty writing, not proof read much

a/n - happy bday kuroo this is ass lowkey but i'm sorry i'm trying my best. i hate university i'm so busy and stressed but at least my suitemate got a kitty and she's so soft and warm and cute slay

anyways yeah kuroos a loser with no rizz...sorry. he's kicking his feet and giggling over 1 (one) interaction

there was a man. in your spot. at the library.

it was (unfortunately) finals week, meaning you were one more quiz away from a certified crash out, and one more discussion post away from taking a swan dive off the closest bridge. your left eye was twitching, you were running on less than the healthy 8 hours of sleep, and you were drinking your second energy drink of the day.

you were supposed to go to the library on campus to Your Spot, the one you have reigned supreme over for the past few months. it was quiet, on the 4th floor, away from everybody working on group projects below. it was secluded, off in the corner. it had a nice charging block with multiple outlets available, and it had a pretty view of some trees with some sunlight that would warm you as day faded into night.

it was perfect. it was beautiful.

and it was currently being taken by some guy.

your eye twitched again. you debated shoving him out of your chair, or pouring your drink over his computer, or maybe just glaring at him and biting his shoulder like a rabid animal (the aforementioned crash out from above), but you recognize that starting and escalating an altercation is not productive, and also that a homicide charge won't add anything to your gpa.

so you sighed, resigned, before making your way to the empty table a few feet from Your Spot. but you decided to do some investigative research (read: spying) to figure out what could possibly be so important for this man to study that he needed to take Your Spot. you quickly peek over his shoulder, scanning for his notes and computer.

“net profit…statistical probability…essay for…”

your eye twitches again. statistical probability? net profit? no fucking way Your Spot was taken by a business major?? a finance bro? an absolute buffoon?? did they even have finals, other than a coloring page? 

fuck you, mysterious business guy. fuck you. 

you were just about to leave when your eyes left his desk-

-and locked eyes with him. 

he...he caught you staring!!

wait. no. you caught him stealing your spot, and then you decided to snoop a bit, rightfully so! he's in the wrong here!!

"um, do you need something?" he asked, an easy smile on his lips. 

his eyes were hazel with golden depths, and though his hair was messy and his eyes tired, you could still see the gleam of a piercing (and honestly, kind of hot) look to them. 

"...no," you say. 

"you can have this table, if you want," he said, beginning to pack up. "i'm almost done here anyway." 

"oh no, you don't have to-"

"but don't you sit here everyday to study?" he whispered, standing up. you realized just then how tall he was. 

you catch his words after a second (you were not distracted by the height difference!), and stare at him hard. "what are you, a stalker? how do you know where i sit?"

he shrugged, zipping up his bag and hoisting it onto his shoulder. "well you sit in the same spot on the same floor like clockwork every night, so it's kind of hard not to not notice."

you rack your brain, trying to remember if you ever saw a guy like him sitting nearby you in the library. it would be hard to forget someone who looked like him (respectfully, and because he is tall and for no other reason!!!), but for some reason, you couldn't remember seeing him at all. maybe he really was a stalker?? "well why did you decide to take my spot then anyway, stalker?" you huff, annoyed. 

he had started leaving by now, and brushed your shoulder on the way out. he looked over his shoulder with a smile full of charm. 

"because i wanted an excuse to talk to someone pretty like you, of course," he said with a grin. "see you next week."

he left his crush standing jaw open as he nonchalantly scurried away. jesus christ, he never realized just how hard his heart would beat when he spoke to you.

he liked how focused you looked when you worked on your assignments, or how your finger tapped restlessly against your pencil when you came across something difficult. it was just a little school crush, really, and he shouldn't be looking too much into it. but when he got to the library today and saw someone had stolen his spot a few tables away, meaning that he could sit in yours and get an excuse to talk to you...well, he was just a little bit giddy.

he opened the old groupchat from his high school days. a lot of his friends from nekoma were busy with their own lives, but they still kept in touch to this day.

kuroo: guess who go to talk to their crush todayyyy yaku: you finally gained the guts? wow, how impressive. i'm sure they're head over heels for you now. kai: congratulations on saying hi!! kenma: stalker kuroo: i hate all of you.

he couldn't contain his little giggle. maybe next time, he would have the confidence to ask to sit next to you.

[cyree]

answering the age old question of why i hate pesos mother 🤑 (this is also an excuse to yap about the great penguin race)

i made a video on this but it’ll take fifty years to upload so i’m just re typing it and i shortened the great penguin race to tgpr bc i am not typing allat 😭🙏

yes this is me losing it over fucking octonauts i am very normal about a certain episode ahah

okay so first this isn’t some random ass beef i came up with i have many reasons #d1hater

number one:

assuming you have watched tgpr then you know that peso did NOT sign up it was his mother and pinto who did.

why?? why did they have to go behind his back to do it?? why didn’t they ask peso about this??

like brother you are signing up your kid for the PENGUIN OLYMPICS and you don’t get his input?? did she just not gaf about how her son would feel about this 😭

neither pinto nor his mother gave a flying fugly fart about if peso would wanna participate which is odd considering HES THE ONE PARTICIPATING and considering this doesn’t seem like something peso would want to do.

number two:

okay so maybe i could get past that but no pinto and his mother just had to go and surprise peso with ts???

BROTHER WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN SURPRISE??? THE ONLY SURPRISE IS HOW HE DIDNT CRASH OUT PESO IS BETTER THAN ME GOODNESS GRACIOUS

so not only do they surprise him they do it HOURS before the race starts.

so pesos mother wants to send him into a race he is not prepared for, very OBVIOUSLY doesn’t want to do and that he had no say in.

not only is lil broseph going up against the REIGNING CHAMPION with little to no training but pinto and his mother want peso to win??

listen you guys i fucking love peso but he stood absolutely zero chance against hugo lets be honest

number three:

why is she going along with pintos stupid plan because this bs is a disaster waiting to happen and anyone with a working brain knows that pintos idea is astronomically stupid

now pinto has some excuse since his brain probably isn’t even halfway developed but his mum?? a grown ass woman?? how the fuck did you hear this and think “hell yeah lets do this!” like??? are you insane?? lacking braincells?? diseased?? idk anymore

number four:

okay so like i said earlier pesos mum really doesn’t seem to gaf about pesos feelings like at all and theres one scene that really pmo.

shockingly the first event goes horribly for peso since hes extremely unprepared and so he lands in that bigass pile of snow so pinto and his mum run over

and you might think “oh is she gonna comfort peso?”

no.

no comfort, no “you did great” all she says is

“peso you’ll catch a cold”

YOU LIVE IN THE SNOW?? THATS IS THE LAST THING THAT SHOULD BE ON YOUR MIND ARE YOU DUMB????????

then she says nothing else and walks away not even a “good luck” like girl do you have any sort of empathy for your kid?

number five:

ok this is more yapping about the race itself but it ties into my point.

so i cannot be the only one who thinks this race is like extremely dangerous not in the extreme sports way but in the extreme lack of safety precautions

some examples include multiple animals in the water where the swimming races take place, its because that there’s other animals that peso and hugo get stuck under the ice

now this is not me blaming pesos mother for them getting trapped because no one saw it coming but you would think shed put more thought into sending her child into the olympics yk

also there are literally predators in the water LIKE THERES AN ORCA THEY EAT PENGUINS ITS IN AN EPISODE IN ABOVE AND BEYOND RIGHT??? LIKE I SWEAR THERES ONE WHERE PESO AND PINTO ALMOST GET EATEN BY ORCAS??

heres the aforementioned orca btw

also there is ZERO first aid or rescue teams at all like if the octonauts hadn’t been there to rescue peso and hugo they likely would’ve run out of air by the time a rescue team arrived

considering they watch the race every year pesos mum had to have known this and intentionally or not she put her son in danger because of her decisions.

conclusion:

i really dislike pesos mum due to her stupid decisions she made and her frankly concerning lack of consideration for her son’s feelings. considering we never see her again. there’s no real redeeming qualities for her for me, atleast.

okay yap sesh over sorry for the wall of text i’ve been waiting to talk about this

@hers-underwraps hope you don’t mind being tagged in this you seemed like you wanted to hear abt this 🤑

ok thanks tee hee

[thesharktanksdriver]

Hi, genuinely love you DmL series right now. Sorry for the bland way of texting but seriously, I'm breathing in your work like it's the oxygen. pls hear me out on this.

I wanted to share this headcanon of Honeypie where the mop or broom(whatever that cleans up the office) has a hidden blade and HP can unsheathe it for defend. Imagine NOBODY on the team knows about it until they found out by some random accident and HP is like:"bought it from a store, found it useful and the guy at the store said someone blessed it for minor in convenience."[shrug] or...

POV: your HP working and demons suddenly crash in, broke the door for the 100th time so you decided to unsheathe the broom to wrap up the situation while Dante's having a "HP is in danger notification"on a mission, runs back, finds them unharm ,currently sweeping the floor, meanwhile at the back of the building ,demons bodies lay there, not moving at all and Dante is like:[surprised pikachu face].

the teams reaction to seeing the blade disguise itself as a random object would be on your words of describing(I'm talking about you author).

Another thing I wanna ask is have HP ever crash out? like infront of everyone and I was wondering about how the others would react to that? would they be scared or concern... Technically HP have multiple reasons to have a valid crash out, like pent up emotion, stuff in the past or just demons breaking their spine by destroying the wall constantly. Look if you were Honeypie while working, having a really bad day, you should be AND allow to throw a chair at someone and they can't blame you for it. I'll be at the back clapping my hands.

Anyway, that's all I wanna say after going through a crisis whether I should ask this or not. Again I love your work, it's great to see good fic being serve in a while, your dishes were delicious[kiss chef, sprinkling you with appreciation and love].(P.S BIG sorry on this one....you don't have to reply, I would be fine with it).

Thank you so much!!!! I love hearing people’s opinions and headcanons so no worries!!

Ngl Honeypie having a decent blade in the broom would be genuinely fucking funny, especially if it’s something akin to a Katana or some shit. Like they all rush back to find Honeypie putting the blade back into its sheath to then sweep up the mess and everyone has the expression of “holy shit that’s scary hot” and Vergil is practically Olympic sprinting over to convince Honeypie that “I’m experienced in that sort of blade, I can help” before Dante, Trish, lady and credo are trying to stop him.

But seriously tho that is something I’d 100% see them having as an extra pro caution if anything had happened and they couldn’t get any gun or devil arms. Better safe than sorry especially when dealing with demons who don’t lightly hiss like a cat as Dante and Nero do (Vergil just pouts and mumbles about how it’s an ineffective weapon).

As for you other question, yes Honeypie has crashed out before and can but under very specific conditions.

Due to their aforementioned childhood Honeypie struggles a lot with perfection andbeing useful to others to achieve a sense of worth plus. If they feel like they failed in some degree of being useful to someone and being good at something they would very quickly and quietly spiral. It’s the kind of spiral where their self worth tanks and they go silent for a long time kinda just staring at their hands.

Dante and most others would notice quick, but especially him. He’s been with them through a lot of moments like this when they forgot to fill out a form or couldn’t do a task for him. He very quickly is able to remind them that they did X amount of other things ok and it’s alright to mess up or not be perfect at something. He holds their hand through it and Honeypie makes this a way to ground them.

For as thankful as they are for dante I think Honeypie would really dislikes anyone seeing them in moments like this. Because they aren’t being professional or keeping up their nonchalant facade and letting a bit of their bottled up emotions leak through. They’re appreciative but try not to let others seeing them with such vulnerability to their feelings like that since they’d been taught to discard a lot of those emotions.

However for a more loud/visible crash out I’d definitely say seeing their parents again. It could be a nightmare, seeing them in a crowd or being fully confronted by their parents but they’d very visibly shatter. Like they’d have a full on panic attack and depending on what the situation is they’d be yelling at them to get away. It’s kinda an outpouring of all they felt during their childhood coming out now that they were free Of their controlling behaviour, they can’t go back to that after a taste of freedom.

[badsexbingo]

What Does X Prompt Mean?

You can interpret them however you want! But, I did write them to be funny rather than clear, so check out my thoughts below, if you want more guidance.

Safewording

What is says on the tin — having to safeword in a BDSM situation. If you’re unfamiliar, it’s like an official time out to say “whoa I need to stop.” Safewords are important and it’s important to be comfortable using them, but also like. Ideally you’re not gonna use them.

Subdrop

Post scene endorphin crash on the part of a submissive partner in a BDSM situation, but frankly it happens outside of that too 😬 and if you’re not in a BDSM situation your jerk boyfriend might say “hey I have to study now thanks for the BJ” and kick you out of his dorm. For random example.

Topdrop

Similar thing but for the top. Hell just check out the BDSM wiki. This pairs great with that tumblr post about subs talking their tops into doing buckwild shit.

Wardrobe malfunction

Idk maybe the sexy lingerie snapped. Maybe the subtle public play got less subtle because your skirt blew up and now everyone knows you’ve got a fox tail butt plug in. Maybe your edible underwear dissolved.

Furniture break

Breaking the bed always SOUNDS sexy but then you’ve got to fix your fucking bed. Or maybe your ikea table didn’t hold up 400lbs of man meat and now you’ve thrown out your back.

Embarrassing ER trip

This could be the classic “lost a dildo without a flared base up the ass” or you could get into more esoteric objects. Or more esoteric sex related injuries.

Capsaicin problems (hot sauce + head)

You ever cut up hot peppers, not wash your hands, and touch your eye? Same effect. Somebody is eating something spicy and goes down on delicate mucous membranes. Could be hand stuff too I suppose!

Awkward dirty talk

I think this is pretty self explanatory. Not everybody is good at dirty talk — also like, it can be one of those things where you have to be in the mood and have aligned tastes.

Someone called the cops on your scene

Did your subs elaborate kidnapping fantasy get too real for bystanders? Did a concerned neighbor overhear screaming? Idk.

Came too soon

You can recover soooo easily from coming too soon if you have like an ounce of suave in you. But plenty of people don’t! And get embarrassed and leave.

Can't get it up / can't get wet

Opposite problem. Maybe your penis-having pal has whiskey dick. Maybe your vagina-having friend has an undiagnosed case of vaginismus!

Theory was hotter than practice

Maybe you saw that move online and thought it would be soooo cool and sexy but then once you tried it out you were just hanging out in a wizard robe that now has pee on it.

Not enough fiber in your diet

We skip prepping for anal in fiction without consequences, but IRL sometimes you see poop when you don’t necessarily want to see poop. Or this could just be straight up about getting diarrhea and having to make a break for it during sex.

Condom break

We’re y’all not fluid bonded? Oops better move up the STD screens. Do yall need to do a plan B run? Do you have all the pieces of that condom or do you need to go fishing?

Just calling to say I have herpes

It’s pretty common and nothing to be ashamed of, but lbr this conversations going to suck and you might feel ashamed.

Lost the handcuff keys

Handcuffs, soooo sexy. Or manacles. Or whatever. But they have overstayed their welcome and now you’re stuck to the bed.

I can't go to work like this!

But you must! Maybe you’ve got too many hickies to hide, maybe you got an inadvisable sex themed tattoo, maybe you’re still stuck in aforementioned handcuffs.

Leaving mid sex

Sometimes the sex is bad enough that you can break through social protocols telling you to avoid hurting their feelings and remember — you can just leave!

Bodies making funny noises

Queefing! Macaroni sounds! Farting sounds! Somebody has bad gas or is really hungry. Bodies are funny.

That's not lube

Maybe you’ve got too many different things in pump bottles next to each other and accidentally grabbed say, the tea tree oil and put that all over an unsuspecting and sensitive mucous membrane.

Roleplaying into a real argument

Something that was said in a scene landed a little too close to home and now we’re fighting.

Faking orgasms

Sometimes it’s the polite thing to do to move things along, but there’s some baggage here.

I came to do sex not therapy

Maybe your partner keeps trying to psychoanalyze you, or they’re legitimately trying to talk about something that hurt their feelings. Either way, that’s not what you’re here for!

Wish you'd get off the phone

There’s so many distractions in this day and age — yeah you’re getting head, but what if that text was important?

Sex toy over promised & under-delivered

Maybe you spent 1k+ on a sybian and found out you don’t like sybians. Maybe you eagerly started jacking it, ready to try out this new toy and it started smoking. Maybe you just can’t cum with this thing.

That's how you get ants (food in the bedroom)

Food in the bedroom! I hope you thought about clean up. Or made sure you weren’t gonna get a yeast infection.

Bad aim (cum)

Oh great, now there’s cum in your [eye/freshly permed hair/grandmothers antique quilt that you don’t know how to clean]

This [PLACE] is too gross to bang in

You came to hook up, but then you saw what their place looked like…. Yikes…

Porn-based expectations

You can’t go ass to mouth without them getting upset?? Choking isn’t okay without talking about it??? They don’t like being called a slut????? He’s not 12 inches????????

Wrong name

People get really upset if you say like, their siblings name in bed. Or your ex’s. Or their ex’s.

Peeping pets

If you lock the door, the dogs gonna wind up scratching and whining and howling. If you don’t, you’re gonna get a surprise threesome by way of an unexpected wet nose at your ass.

Oops I used to bang your [RELATION]

It’s not ideal for a hookup to have slept with other people in your family, but if your date was fucking like, your mom, that’s maybe worse.

Stop talking about my parents

What, you don’t want to think about your folks while getting off?

Lazy partner

Some people actually prefer this in their partners! But some people don’t.

Mid coitus diagnosis

Finally hooked up with that hot MD and he goes “wow these shouldn’t be different sizes”

Bad aim (dick/dildo)

Actually kind of easy to go for the wrong hole if you’ve got more than one down there! Whoops. Could put someone’s eye out with that thing.

Insurmountable size difference

Maybe your eyes were bigger than your asshole when you ordered that dildo? Or maybe Stuart little shouldn’t be hooking up with Colossus.

Zero chemistry coitus

Sometimes the spark just ain’t there.

Accidental somnophilia

Somnophilia refers to a kink for having sex while one party is asleep or sleepy. Accidental could indicate one party fell asleep mid sex, but hey, some people actually initiate sex in their sleep.

Porn dialogue

Sexy plumber roleplay anyone??? Could relate to bad dirty talk.

Tastes funky

Sometimes bodies taste bad. Sometimes your lube does too.

Bad sex playlist

Straight up inspired by that one reddit post of the guy asking if the music he played was that bad.

Unearned confidence

Really awkward when they come in acting like a sex god and can’t deliver.

Only one of us is taking this scene seriously

You finally talk them into founding fathers roleplay and then they don’t even do a modicum of research :(

Let me google this real quick

Maybe the knotwork on your shibari has gotten out of hand. Maybe you need instructions for the fuck machine. Idk.

Inadvisable lay

There’s a variety of reasons you maybe shouldn’t sleep with someone and do anyways. Maybe you just have to see them on the way to work all the time now and they’re not taking a hint and you know what their weird birthmark looks like now.

Suddenly toe sucking (unexpected/undisclosed kinks)

I’m not kink shaming, I just wasn’t expecting that to go there so suddenly!! Some warning maybe! People have different ideas of what’s a totally normal way for things to go.

[RELATION] walking in on you

Hey people are living with their parents later and later!

Should have kept up on cardio

Sex is actually pretty athletic. This could turn into a medical emergency, or maybe we just need to take a break for gatorade and snacks.

[KINK] logistics are too complicated

Sometimes hanging a sex swing necessitates figuring out where a beam is in your ceiling and also maybe you’re supposed to get permission from your landlord, and —

Orgasm disparity

Somebody is getting off way more than somebody else, and not everyone is happy about it.

[punkintyre]

i hate love you so

A/N: finally finished this shit after MONTHS but anyways here's gay people that takes place after survivor series '24 :3 also look away if you don't like cussing OR the aforementioned gay people- word count: 585

cm punk navigated his way backstage, trying to find roman reigns’ locker room. they, along with the usos and sami zayn, had just defeated the bloodline, consisting of solo sikoa, jacob fatu, the tongas and also bronson reed. but they needed some stuff to attend to. as soon as punk found the door to roman’s room, he knocked on it, waiting for him to open it up. once he did that, they locked eyes with each other, exchanging glances. roman then motioned for punk to come into the room. “so…” roman started, sitting back down on his chair, “what’s this all about, punk?” “about what happened out there.” punk responded, taking a seat on the couch. “listen...” punk started, “i know we have an alliance, and we shook hands out there after the whole bout… but what the hell was that out there? blocking my way just so sami zayn can enter the match?” roman’s lip twitched in frustration. “you say that as if you didn’t block my way later on.” “well, let’s be fair, you were walking too slow for my liking. i didn’t want that ‘cinema’ bullshit you had going on.” punk chuckled, despite all of the tension in the air. “...are you seriously joking around, punk? It’s not the time.” roman pointed out. “right, right, sorry.” punk said, feigning defeat. roman sighed. “anyways-” he was about to continue on before being cut off. “you should be glad i saved your ass from being tsunami’d by bronson, even after that spear you gave me.” punk enunciated. “mhm…” roman simply said. “and, listen, i’m sorry for that spear. it was accidental.” he then apologised. “i know, i know, you don’t have to apologise. i’m not mad about that.” punk affirmed. “I’m only mad about that whole… y’know, blocking each other shit.” “yeah, well, not my fault sami’s better than you… that’s why i let him go…” roman muttered to himself, almost quietly. “what was that now?” punk snarled as his eyes flickered with anger. “chill out, man, i was just kidding.” roman said, smirking. “i hope to god you are.” was all punk could say. silence filled the room for a moment, the tension continuing to crackle. there was no words spoken, just the two men staring at each other. punk sat up from his seat and was about to leave because he needed to attend to some other stuff, until roman sat up from his own seat and grabbed punk’s arm, stopping him in his tracks. “wh- roman, what the hell are you doing?” punk asked, confused. “i thought we had some… other business to talk about?” roman smirked. “what do you mea-” before punk can say anything, roman turned punk around and his lips crashed onto the older man, capturing them in a kiss. punk’s cheeks flushed a bright pink despite him being confused about the whole thing, but he ultimately melted into it, cupping roman’s cheek. their tongues clashed together, with roman’s exploring punk’s mouth, doing things like sliding over his teeth, teasing the roof of his mouth and burrowing it beneath his tongue. punk tasted sweet, so damn sweet, and roman liked- no, loved that about the man. once their mouths left each other, they stood there, processing what just happened. “hey…” punk murmured. “hm?” roman questioned, his eyes locking with punk’s. “what-” he panted, before continuing. “what the fuck did we just do?” all roman responded with was a simple shrug. “who knows?”