#aflred

[frijolebean]

bruce loves it actually

[fancyfade]

help he was half a world away because he was chilling on a beach with his girlfriend and ordering his son to be a hostage XD

Batman vs Robin #3

[danny-chase]

do you ever feel like a lot of the pre-crisis origin stories were better than the rebirth or even post-crisis stories? or at least that a combination of pre and post crisis would work best? like IMO with alfred, it'd make way more sense if he served as the wayne family butler when bruce was very young, had to leave for england around the time bruce's parents passed and bruce grew up with his uncle philip, then returned when dick was already taken in around age 8. because then we don't run into the problems that come with alfred "enabling" batman or whatever right? likewise i think it's better to keep events in their actual decade and just pretend 10 real life years are one year in comics time or whatever marvel does. because dick being 8 years old when he started robin makes a lot more sense when you remember child labor was still a thing in 1940 LMAO. also teenagers were a lot more independent in general all the way through the 80s, especially in europe and asia but the usa too (think of all the stuff holden caulfield got away with) so yeah i can believe his adventures way more easily than tim's. your thoughts?

I don't read a ton of pre-crisis stuff, pretty much the only stuff I've read is the Batmanga (which is questionable canon considering it's a manga and not mainline), the Teen Titans 1996 series, and the parts of NTT that are from pre-crisis. I think when choosing what to keep and what to scrap, it should kinda be up to personal preference and whatever makes the story more interesting, which is a lame cop-out answer, and is different for everyone. I personally think Bruce growing up with Alfred is interesting, but that's just me, and if I were writing an origin for Bruce, I'd have him initially hiding the Batman stuff from Alfred, and eventually running away to pursue it. So you don't demonize Alfred completely for it. I think Alfred as a flawed character is interesting, and I think Bruce running away and pursuing it anyways is a good way to have him being an enabler later on make sense, but that's just me

[lolliepops-rox]

-Looking at someone writing and/or talking about alfred-

You there! Are you normal about fat people?

[phantomskeep]

The Early Bird Gets The Worm - Chapter 1

The Early Bird Gets The Worm

Chapter 1 -  9 Out 10 Doctors Prescribe Child Rearing for Emotionally Constipated Families

Written by @agent-sushi-fbi & myself uwu

Read it on AO3 here!

Masterpost | Chapter Two Was he still wearing traffic light colors? No. Was Bruce going senile as he got older? Yes, and he was gathering evidence of it every day.

Dick wondered once again why they were having so many issues between them as he swung to the next rooftop, landing almost gracefully amongst the leftover rain on the asphalt. Stumbling on his feet was embarrassing nonetheless and he grumbled to himself as he kicked a pebble across the roof, watching as it hit an old AC unit with a hollow clang. Honestly, he came to Gotham to help Bruce out of the goodness of his heart while Tim is out of town and how does the man respond? By treating him like he's still a little Robin meant to dutifully take orders without question!

“Fucking old man, treating me like I'm a kid,” Dick muttered under his breath, not caring who heard him nearby, he was alone on the roof anyway.

“This ‘fucking old man’ can still hear you,” Batman’s deadpan voice came over the line. Dick froze on the spot, shoulders tightening as he heard the quiet undertones of anger. Oops, comms were still on and open to the shared channel… “Either mute your comms or keep those thoughts to yourself, Nightwing.”

Dick pondered for a minute, putting his hand on his chin like he was really thinking on the idea before he responded. “Nope, I'll pass,” he told Batman cheekily, smirking to himself. He was an adult now. While Bruce may have taken him in and taught him all he knew at Dick's lowest point, it doesn't mean the man gets to treat him like a child anytime he comes by home Gotham.

He was his own grown man. Nightwing had his own city to protect now–he was even a well-established member of the hero community in his own right! He didn’t need some emo flying furry telling him what to do anymore. Covering his eyes from the light drizzle that had picked up again, he observed the area below him, staying alert for any sort of disturbance that may pop up and ignoring Bruce’s displeased grunts. It wouldn’t be good if Dick were to miss a crime after their little “spat” earlier, as Aflred would call it. A screaming match was a more accurate description if you asked anyone else, and he was not willing to let it open him up to more criticism from the “World’s Greatest Detective” later on when they were back in the Cave.

Stiffly, the black and blue clad vigilante stalked to the edge of the darkened rooftop, trying his best to not clench his fists like some angsty teenager. What was he even hoping to gain, coming back here? The man stood, pondering as he gazed down at the busy streets of his childhood home. A pat on the head, like the good little dog he was acting like? Bruce calls, so he comes running? Dick scoffed at himself, turning his head sharply. He aimed his grapple, firing it at the corner of a nearby building. With the grace born from years of practice, Nightwing danced between towering structures as he continued his Batman-approved patrol route.

“Nightwing, behave yourself over comms or you will go back to the Cave for the night.” Dick grit his teeth, jaw clenched tight as Bruce tried to basically ground him. He shook his head, preparing to land on the next rooftop, but stopping just shy to grab onto a gargoyle sitting on the edge of a lower office building. Leaning against the cold surface, Dick felt the sharp points of the creature’s horns digging into his back help to ground him in the moment. 

“Batman, you do not have a say over my actions or whether I am benched anymore,” Dick told him, evenly spacing out his breaths as he tried to keep the rage at bay. He felt like there was a ball of heat in his chest he was desperately trying to cool as he methodically rubbed his gloved fingers over the stone ridges of the statue's ugly face. 

“Nightwing–” Bruce started to grunt, so Dick turned off his comms as a response and took in a deep breath of the familiar, smoggy Gotham air. This city may not have been where he was born, and he may not live here anymore, but the man found peace flying through her night sky. This would always be his home. As ugly and villain-infested as it may be… This shithole was his shithole.

Ever since Jason passed, Dick knew things needed to change so he could preserve this feeling and keep this dysfunctional family intact. Tim helped a lot in the beginning, when Dick was too bitter to do more than practically tell a thirteen-year-old to handle a drunkard on his own. But, he's trying to make up for it now by helping on patrol and making them all participate in family dinners twice a month. It wasn't much, and he could admit it wasn't really working since he'd noticed Tim wearing sound proof headphones more often than not when Dick and Bruce were together. It broke his heart that another little brother of his felt like he needed to prepare himself for an inevitable screaming match from his family members. 

Dick was trying, he really was. But Bruce just made everything so hard. 

He was brought out of his thoughts by the sound of multiple trash cans falling over each other nearby. His face twisted in confusion, eyebrows scrunching together as his head whipped around to find the source of the noise. Body becoming a tightly coiled spring of focused intent, he silently crept closer to where he heard the cacophony. The noise became apparent in the way of a metal lid rolling out of the alley below and into the street like a quarter, spinning and spinning for a moment before falling flat. Dick cautiously peered over the edge of the roof, eyebrow raised at what he could imagine he'd find. A goon passed out drunk? A working girl kicking the nuts of a deadbeat harassing her? An internet famous Gotham-patented radioactive raccoon?

What he certainly did not expect was an unruly mop of black hair peeking out above the trash cans, only visible against the dark of night in contrast to the silver metal they clung to with tiny baby hands. He watched in disbelief as this child (so tiny and cute, he had to admit) stumbled to their feet, swaying as little as they reached for the contents of the trash. Dick felt sick just looking at the spill, but he felt worse knowing the child was doing this out of desperation. Tapping on his lenses, they zoomed in on the kid and he saw how small they were and how scrawny they looked. Alfred would faint at the sight of how skinny this child was and Dick would be right there with the old butler.

Making a quick decision, Dick hastily hopped onto a pipe that clung to the building he stood on and quietly slid down it like a fireman's pole. He didn't want to scare the small child who, at closer inspection now that he was on the ground, looked similarly disgusted at their options before them. The kid was still swaying, the movement picking up in speed before they plopped onto the asphalt, groaning. 

Dick rushed forward, panicking, but his sudden burst of speed startled the child. The tiny twig of a human scrambled back, a weakened wheeze of panic bursting from their lungs as they held out a small hand to ward off the vigilante.

“Hey, hey now,” Dick soothed as he crouched down to make himself seem smaller. “It’s okay, you’re okay…I’m not gonna hurt you.” The practiced “soothe the victim” voice was easy to fall into as domino-covered eyes worryingly took in the shaking child. He wanted to reassure this kid as much as possible, but he knew that he couldn't promise them anything. Making a promise to a child was important, he learned young that if you couldn't keep that promise the child would see it as a loss of trust.

“S-stay back!” The kid’s squeaky voice tugged at Dick’s heartstrings with how much terror it held. “Yo-you can’t t-take me!”

Dick slowly lowered himself to fully sit down on the filthy, trash-covered alley. He grimaced at the smell (was that sludge on his glove?) and he crossed his legs, letting his arms hang disarmingly on his knees. Keeping his body language loose and unassuming, Dick smiled goofily at the other. “My name’s Nightwing, I’m one of the heroes here in Gotham tonight. You’re safe now, no one’s going to take you while I'm here.”

Icy blue eyes peered out from behind a dirt-stained hand, reminding Dick of a different time, a different alley-found kid who was taken too soon. By Batman's stinky cowl would he let another one be lost to the horrors of this city as well. When the kid spoke, their voice was full of doubt. “How can I trust you? For all I know you could be some weirdo looking to kidnap me!”

A surprised laugh burst from Dick before he could contain himself, causing the filthy child to flinch away with a startled squeak. He sobered up quickly at that reaction however, leaning away from the kid to give the illusion Dick was no longer directly in their space, but still close enough to keep an eye on them. He's met children like this before, wary of adults or the world around them in general, only relying on themselves at an age where they can't do enough to keep their heads above water. Blinking rapidly at the thought to hold back his tears, Dick remembered when Jason first came to the manor. Even as distant as he was with his brother at the time, he saw how the pre-teen acted out of self preservation even months into Alfred's mother-henning.

This kid had the same fear written in the lines on his young face, as well as the same steel of determination in his eyes. Dick respected it, but he still was worried about this child who looked like they hadn't eaten a proper meal or slept in a bed in months. 

“I might be a weirdo to some people for sure,” Dick agreed casually. The kid blinked in surprise and he grinned a little in triumph, quickly smothering it with a serious expression. Exaggerating his actions, Dick twisted his head this way and that around the alley as though checking for anyone listening in, before he leaned a little bit forward with his hand blocking his mouth. The child shuffled forward a few inches, alternating between staring him down and checking the alley themselves with wide eyes. Dick resisted the urge to laugh again, focusing on trying to ease the kid into believing that he was safe.

“Between you and me? My friends think I'm a super big weirdo for putting peach jam in my pb & j's,” he told the kid, nodding his head sagely. All he got was a deadpan look in response, all of the sudden interest he got was lost from the kid before him.

“So you're not just a weirdo, but also super lame with no taste buds?” 

Wow, okay, so Dick was a little offended… or maybe he was impressed? The kid gave him a look that was reminiscent of Alfred or Jason when he tried to argue he could help in the kitchen. The “are you seriously this stupid to defend yourself like that” look. 

Yeah, maybe a little more offended than anything. Didn't mean the kid wasn't cute while doing it. 

Quick thinking made Dick grab at his uniform with striped fingers, gripping the fabric around his heart. “Ouch!” He wailed dramatically, flopping his legs forward as he used his toned core muscles to lean backwards, careful to not let more of the filthy alley touch him. “Ah! Truly a strong opponent, I cannot win!”

Quiet giggles echoed around the alley, causing Dick to grin in triumph. He titled his head to the side a bit to better see the small child. Their face was scrunched up in mirth, both hands covering their mouth in an attempt to better muffle the joyful sounds trying to escape. Encouraged by this, Dick resolved to continue to give the best performance of his life.

“I will simply never recover,” Dick moaned, making his body twitch dramatically. “This is how I die…the great Nightwing, struck down in a battle of wits by a toddler!” He gasped, reaching one hand up to the sky as he gave his big finale. “I can…see the light! It’s calling me…must…go…” He murmured quietly before giving a final spasm with an extremely convincing “blegh”, letting his arm drop to his chest and sticking his tongue out of his mouth.

As the giggles continued, they got closer. Peaking an eye open just a bit, Dick could see the kid toddling closer to the felled hero. “You’re silly,” they said, poking at Dick’s cheek hesitantly. “That’s not what death looks like.”

Dick could feel his heart shatter. This kid, no more than, what? Maybe four or five years old? This poor, tiny child was trying to correct Dick on what dying looked like. It made Bludhaven’s protector want to just scoop them up and wrap them up in a giant, fluffy blanket and protect them from the world.

“It’s a good thing I’m not actually dead then, huh?” Dick said with a grin, trying so hard to not let what he was feeling filter through. Bright smile for the tiny concerning child, bright smile.

The child cocked their head to the side like a curious puppy. “Well, duh,” the little thing scoffed, relaxing a bit at the horizontal hero. “I'd know it if you were actually dead.”

*****************

He really needed to get some meat on this kid’s bones, like immediately. Dick felt like he was carrying a small bag of potatoes while he grappled through the streets of downtown Gotham towards Wayne Enterprises to meet B for their patrol check in. Maybe if he showed the kid to Alfred, he could just keep him safe at the manor and he wouldn't worry about the tiny thing in his arms being so tiny anymore.

“Where are we going?” A squeaky voice shouted in his left ear. Was there a ringing bell nearby? 

Dick smirked, glancing quickly at the child before shooting his gun at the side of Wayne Enterprises, clicking the side button and rocketing them up the side of the skyscraper. He heard a soft gasp over the rush of wind before his world was filled with small, uncontrollable giggles and Dick tightened his hold.

“We gotta meet up with someone, little one!” He cheerfully shouted back as the duo landed at the top of the tower. With his feet squarely against solid concrete, Dick set the child down to face away from the large drop off the side of the building. He was worried the kid would either get scared, or want to try jumping off and he wasn't sure which was worse right now. A quick glance around told Dick that Bruce was still doing his own patrol. “Just stay away from the edge, okay?”

“Yeah, yeah,” the little sass monster said as they shakily walked towards the center of the helipad. “I’m not dumb.”

“Uh huh,” Dick sassed back as he hovered over the kid. “You wanna tell me your name yet?”

Cold eyes narrowed as the child looked up at Dick. “No, you’re still a weirdo.”

Yikes, Dick thought. Whoever this kid's parents were deserved an award for raising such a menace to society. “Okay, okay,” he said airly. “I’ll figure it out one day, just you watch.”

“Oh, so now you’re a stalker, too?” The kid said as they flopped onto the concrete flooring. “Maybe I should’ve run away. Stranger danger and all that nonsense.” They flapped an itty-bitty hand dismissively.

“I thought we established that I wasn’t a stranger already?” Dick wasn’t pouting. He was an adult, and adults don’t pout at children winning in a battle of sass.

“No, we just established that you don’t know what it looks like when people die. Do you even pay attention to anything?”

Dick rolled his eyes, sauntering over to nudge his foot against the kid's thigh. “I paid enough attention to notice that you're good at avoiding questions. Why is that?”

“Nunya,” they told him. Dick felt the urge to pinch the bridge of his nose. No, he would not act like Bruce.

“Nope, I'm not playing that one,” Dick told the kid, who pouted that they couldn't finish the joke. “Come on, I can't keep calling you ‘kid’ or ‘that tiny child lighter than a grape’ now can I?”

They squinted at Dick, crossing their arms awkwardly since they seemed to refuse moving from their starfish position on the ground. “Rude. You talk to every kid you meet like that?”

Dick smirked, “Just the ones who think they’re tall enough to talk back? Where do you reach on me again?” Dick mimed checking the kid's height against himself and stopped with it below his knees. Was it petty to make fun of the small child’s height? Yes, but he didn’t care. “Oh right, sorry but you're not tall enough to verbally attack this adult.”

“Whatever,” they muttered, turning away from Dick. But he noticed the kid kept him within their peripheral vision, just enough of an angle to pretend they couldn't see Dick even if his every movement was being tracked by blue eyes. It was just like how Jason acted, back when he was first introduced to life in the manor. Luckily, that meant that Dick had more than enough experience with snotty scared children to make sure this one kept feeling safe around him.

“So,” Dick said after a few moments of silence. “Like I said earlier, we’re gonna be meeting up with someone. But what I didn't mention was that it's Batman.”

“What kind of name is that?” The kid said, their spunk seemingly reviving itself in the few minutes where they didn’t speak. “Who wakes up one morning and decides to name their kid things like Nightwing and Batman?”

Dick spluttered. “It’s a superhero name, kid. It’s meant to not be normal.”

“You should’ve been named Jeff. Now Jeff is a good name.”

Dick paused, scrunched his nose a little in confusion before responding. “So, do you want me to call you Jeff since you like it so much?”

The kid scoffed, not fully paying attention and obviously still insulting him mentally. “Pffsh, no, call me Danny because my name isn't Jeff, stupid.”

Dick smiled like the cat who ate the canary. “Well, well, Danny is such a nice name,” he told Danny. Dick was enjoying the expression on his face when he realized that he messed up, the horror seeping into his features and a devastated tilt to his lips as he turned to Dick. “Thank you for telling me, now is Danny short for anything?”

Danny pouted and it was so cute Dick wanted to coo and squish his little cheeks. “No, just Danny, you weirdo.”

“No last name?” Dick prodded, poking at Danny’s thigh.

“You’re subtle.”

“And you’re going to answer!” Dick cheerfully said, walking around to stand at the front of the black-haired boy.

“You can’t make me do anything,” Danny glared up at Dick, arms still crossed. “You’re not my dad.”

Dick wasn't sure why that comment stung unlike the others, but he moved past it. He scoffed obnoxiously and mimicked Danny's pose, jutting his hip out in a move of pure sass. “Well I may not be but–”

“Nightwing.”

Dick froze with whatever bullshit he'd pull out of his ass dying on his lips. He saw Danny raise a questioning eyebrow at the scene, clearly interested in the drama, but Dick didn't focus on it. Instead, like always, he responded to Batman's voice. It didn't matter he wasn't Robin anymore and someone else held the title, it didn't matter he was all grown up and had his own name now. When Batman called, a Robin always whistled back, standing at attention like the “good little soldiers” they were. 

Sighing, he turned around and put his hands behind his back, feet spread apart as he nodded at Batman. Because this wasn't his father figure, the man who raised him despite the emotional intelligence of an ant. This was Batman, who didn't take disappointment or inadequacy from his sidekicks. No matter what happens, we'll always be little soldiers reporting for duty, won't we?

“Batman, no unusual activity for the night. There were the two robberies I reported on patrol, as well as stopping a street girl from being taken into an alley and shot. Oracle has the recordings from my suit already uploaded for review.” Simple, to the point, just the way Bruce liked it. All done.

“Hrn.” 

What? What did he forget?

“Hey! Why do you go around with your underwear outside your pants like that?” Danny interrupted.

Oh…right, he forgot about Danny for a minute there.

The silence across the rooftop was louder than any words shouted into the night sky could be. Dick tensed as he shifted, covering more of Danny from Batman's view as he watched the man's cowl wrinkle up. Internally he winced, wishing he had honestly thought this out better but at the time, he had only been focused on gaining Danny's trust. Once he had it, something in him wouldn't let the kid go and, frankly, he didn't want to. But in hindsight, this was definitely not one of his best ideas. He snorted lightly, thinking Jason would have made fun of him for being an idiot right now–like the time he tried to catch a runaway ice cream cart and slipped into a pile of cold sugar that spilled on the ground instead.

“Why do you have a civilian child here, Nightwing?” Batman practically growled, causing Dick to frown and tense his shoulders in a defensive response. He knew the man had been having problems since Jason's death. Tim had been trying his best to help Bruce out of a dark place, but sometimes he seemed to fall back into those old, angrier patterns on them. It was not appreciated, but he knew it took time to work through grief. It was small mercies the man wasn't sending people to the hospital or himself into an early grave on the daily anymore.

He cleared his throat awkwardly. “Well, during my patrol I noticed a disturbance in an alley and–”

“He met me! So, why are you looking at Nightwing like he's a bad guy, Batman? Aren't you two friends?” Danny popped up at his side all of a sudden. Dick startled, quickly shooting a glance at where the boy had been five feet away and he wondered at how he didn't hear so much as a squeak until Danny spoke. “You shouldn't be mean to your friends,” he nodded sagely at his own words and Dick held in a snort of amusement. “That's what she always used to tell me.”

Dick paused. Danny hadn't mentioned anyone he knew before now. Ignoring Batman's glowering, he tilted his head down to catch Danny's eyes. But the kid was gazing past them both, the bright blue dulling in the throes of some kind of possible memory. Telegraphing his movements slowly, Dick lightly touched the tips of his fingers to Danny's shoulder and whispered his name. “Danny? You okay in there, bud?”

It took a moment for the kid to shake his head like an old, wet dog, blinking slowly and gazing back at Dick. He nodded, glancing down at his tiny hands as though they held all of the answers to the universe’ most difficult questions. “Yeah, I’m good. Why?”

“You spaced out there a little bit,” Dick carefully told him. He watched Danny’s eyebrow’s furrow and mentally debated pushing. He was curious if the child would open up to him a little despite the hulking bat furry standing behind him like a living shadow. Cautiously, he held his hand a little more firmly on Danny’s shoulder and asked him what he was wondering. “Danny, who is this ‘she’ you mentioned?”

“Uhh…” Danny stalled, titling his head and giving an awkward smile that was barely more than a tick of the lips and didn’t reach his eyes. “I don’t know?”

“Alright, kiddo.” Dick murmured, a bit disheartened hearing the response, but doing his best to not show it. He gave a sharp nod and turned his head to look at his mentor. “But, yeah, B he’s right. Shouldn’t you be nicer to me?”

“You’re endangering a child, Nightwing.” Batman growled, disapproval practically flowing off the man. It took years upon years for Dick to understand the different levels of Bruce’s inflections and what they meant, like learning a whole new language. But now? It was clear as day to him looking at the man. The big, bad bat was pissed and disappointed at his oldest protege’s actions. Dick tried to not let it hurt him (and show on his face) as much as it did.

But he also felt a flare of anger swell up in his chest. Indignant, Dick stepped forward, close enough to block Danny completely from Batman's sight and get in the Dark Knight’s face. “You want to talk about endangering children, B? You would know all about that, wouldn't you? Picking us up off the streets like party favors.” 

Dick shook his head, a scoff falling from his lips as his hands vibrated with the anger now burning his veins at the hypocrisy of the moment. A quick tug to his leg made him stumble though, and he almost fell when Danny barged past him. A cry on the tip of his tongue, Dick watched as the little tyke stomped over to Batman and crossed his tiny arms. 

“Hey! He may be a total weirdo, but Nightwing is really nice and he's been taking good care of me!” Danny pointed a finger at Batman and Dick realized with dawning horror and amusement that this child was lecturing B, for him. He felt his heart beat as tears pricked the corners of his eyes. “So you stop bullying him right now!”

“Kid,” B started gruffly, reaching a hand to grab him, probably. But Danny smacked his gloved hand away and took a shaky step back. He stumbled over his feet closer to where a stunned Dick stood, gaping at the scene before him. 

“NO! I DON'T WANT YOU TO TOUCH ME, I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU SAY! HE'S NOT NICE!” Danny shouted at the top of his lungs, shaking arms firmly clung to either side of him. His body faced Batman, but his head was turned to a spot just over the man's shoulder. The kid started swaying side to side again, and Dick knew that tears were welling in Danny’s eyes even if he couldn’t see the boy’s face.

Dick scrambled forward, recognizing the signs from earlier. The vigilante caught the child in his arms and pulled out his grapple gun. “We will discuss this more later, at the Cave. But right now Danny is upset, so I'm going to take him to Agent A. For the rest of the night, you're on your own.”

He whispered comforting nonsense to the shaking, brooding child in his arms as he walked away and didn't look back. Not even when Danny heavily propped his chin on Dick's shoulder to keep an eye on Batman as they left. “What was all that about Danny? Who were you yelling at?”

Dick was sure Danny wasn’t talking to Bruce at that time, his head had been tilted too far to the left and he spoke as though he were talking about Bruce to someone else. But no one had been there. It made him a little concerned he might have something in his system and resolved to have Alfred examine him after they got some real food into Danny. 

Danny cut him a quick glance out of the corner of his eye, not bothering to move his head’s position and smirked maliciously. If he didn't think everything about this kid was adorable, he'd probably be unnerved at the expression, paired with little baby fangs poking past his lips he hadn’t noticed earlier. Danny replied to him, but in a loud enough voice so that it would carry across the roof to where they left Bruce, no doubt standing guard as he watched them leave.

“I was talking to the ghosts that follow him, duh.”

[dashintrash]

happy "Aflred fucking dies" day

[pricetagofficial]

Day 23: Movie Night

Pairing: Jason Todd x Reader

Warnings: Language, Dick is a menace

A/N: Welcome to day 23! We are in the final days until Christmas! I hope you all have a good week! Header by me, Divider by @cafekitsune

Masterlist

It was the final few days until Christmas, and you and Jason were sitting on the couch together enjoying the night.

Or you would be, if you could decide on a movie.

What was originally supposed to be a movie night, turned into you finding out just how many movies were banned in Wayne Manor growing up.

Some of the most iconic Christmas movies ever made, Jason has only seen a few times to not at all.

"So, explain to me why Elf is banned again?

Jason had his arm wrapped around your shoulders, holding you tightly into his side as the movie of topic played on the television.

"This one wasn't actually anyone's fault. Bruce just hates Will Ferrel and never let us watch it."

You were about to argue, but looking at the movie you were watching, maybe it was a good idea. You didn't want to know what Jason's siblings would do when they were kids with this movie.

"Polar Express?"

"Dick tried to the hot chocolate thing with Tim and Stephanie. You remember the rug that used to be in the lounge?"

You looked confused. "What rug?"

"Exactly."

That sounded like a lame reason, but you didn't exactly blame Bruce either.

"Grinch?" You tried.

"Tim and Duke tried to make the sleigh, and rally poor Titus into it. Bruce banned it because Damian almost killed them for that." he chuckled. "Hilariously, it was Dick's idea but Damian would never do anything to him."

You laughed, you could see the scenario playing out in your head. Damian running around with his sword, after a frantic Tim and Duke with Titus barking after them with a single antler on his head.

"The Santa Clause?"

Jason snorted. "Bruce woke up one night with Dick on the roof trying to scare Santa."

Your eyes almost bulged out of your head. "What in the world?"

"Is a much nicer sentence than what Bruce said when he found him. At least, that's what I've heard."

At this point you were running out of Christmas movies.

"Home Alone?"

"Dick."

White Christmas?"

Jason nodded. "That's allowed."

"A Christmas Carol?"

"Muppet version only,"

"Why?"

"Dick."

You didn't know what else to say. "Just how many of these are Dick's fault?"

Jason didn't even hesitate. "Just about every single one of them."

A meeting needed to be scheduled to speak with Dick and why he must ruin every Christmas movie.

"What about Die Hard?"

You watched as Jason shifted beside you. "That's actually my fault," he admitted.

"What did you do?"

Jason chuckled as he looked at you. "I may or may not have hidden in the vents one Christmas after coming back, with an airsoft gun and may or may not have shot everyone, except Aflred obviously."

Your jaw dropped. "You did not, as a grown-ass adult?"

He nodded. "I even quoted the movie every time I shot them."

"You are unbelievable."

Jason seemed to take offense to that. "Hey! Dick literally recreated the traps from Home Alone and made them more effective. If he wasn't stopped, someone was going to die."

You crossed your arms looking at him. "And how old was he?"

"He was like 12."

"He was a child!

"He acts like one."

You let out a groan and leaned back on the couch. "Well good news. He isn't here to ruin them so we are watching every movie you missed out on."

Jason looked at you once more with a smile. "Sounds like a plan, princess."

[bluegarners]

aflred more commonly refers to dick as "master dick", right? bc ive seen some of the newer comics have him say "master richard" or "master grayson" and both of those are horrendous to me, but i want to keep up somewhat with what canon is currently have him saying. i havent bothered to read any of the new stuff with nightwing's run, so does anyone have an opinion on what alfred is more likely to refer to dick as these days?

[dibs4ever]

16 year old Dick Grayson: Bruce can I talk to you about something

Bruce : ummm sure. This vigilante related?

Dick: no but ugh- look I know you’re not my Dad. And I will forever be grateful that you have never tried to be that role but I kinda ….

Bruce:need that right now? You need advice on something?

Dick: sorta. It’s about Babs

Bruce: Barbara Gordon? Is it a Batgirl thing?

Dick: no it’s not a batgirl thing. It’s a friendship thing. As you know she’s been my friend basically since I became your ward. Well lately I’m finding my eyes…wondering

Bruce: wondering?

Dick: yeah to her……and her…..then there’s also her- she’s changing. Not personality wise but her body and I just. I try not to look but my eyes get the best of me sometimes. I feel bad cause she’s my friend but like —-

Bruce: are you trying to tell me you’re attracted to Barbara?

Dick: I don’t know if I am or not - I was hoping you could help me with how I feel

Bruce: ummmm AFLRED??!!

[tea-and-secrets]

istg

Dear people who make polls

If you make polls related to where people live/smth about a house. Please, for the love of god, add a nuance option like "I live in multiple homes" LIKE, HAVE Y'ALL NEVER HEARD OF SPLIT CUSTODY DIVORCED FAMILIES???? MY GOD, IT'S SO FUCKING ANNOYING

Like

Poll: how many stories does yoir house have?

*options listed aflre smth like 1-4 and a "i'm bald, or homeless"*

WHERE'S THE OPTION FOR WHEN I LIVE IN 2 HOMES AND BOTH ARE DIFFERENT STORIES?? FUCK YOU

.

[katyspersonal]

Bloodborne WLW ships stuff

Me and @brainhyperfixed touched the topic of how there aren't enough wlw ships around (there are like, 2-3) and then I mentioned I see many of them (because my two braincells somehow contain every single loreless gremlin at once).. They wanted to hear out my ideas but since it is A List I wanted to put them in a separate post 🤔

Just some ships besides the "obvious" ones; Mariadeline (self-explanatory), female hunter x female character (it can be very individual!), Ariadella (heavily controvercial classic, same as Aflred x Crow) and Yurimposter (that's what I call... well, Yurie x Imposter Iosefka, since we don't know imposter's real name...)

______________________

Eileen x Doll (Dolleen??): Eileen is the only character in 'outside' world that mentions the Doll, seems like she left an impact on her! Hard to tell whether Doll felt anything back since she seems to care about all dreaming hunters equally and it is implied Doll feels her first (1st) genuine emotion after holding Small Hair Ornament, but it is all speculation that is not THAT restricting... Like I love to say:

Adeline x Doll (Adolline): I guess it is more AU/speculation stuff, imagine them meeting however you like! I am particular on Adeline being able to reach Doll and dream after ascending, personally xd They could just vibe on higher plane of thinking. But it also feels like both Maria and Adeline having sort of a chance on happier fate in afterlife? It is broad in interpretation, really!

Eileen x Viola (I am NOT calling it Violeen xd ..okay maybe I do haha): That's just good old idea about Gacoigne and Viola having open relationship or a polycule! Usually little daughter referring to "grandfather" is interpreted as Henryk, but it is not binding, and in many cultures words like 'grandfather', 'auntie' or 'uncle' can be used towards like, just a close friend of family lol. So yeah, Gascoigne x Henryk whereas Viola x Eileen. Or you can make it a cheating if you want dsjfdhs

Adella x Imposter: Not sure about a creative name for this one, but IT CAME TO ME IN A VISION fsjdjdfs Not a joke, actually! I saw it in a dream! Adella is another person that can be sent into the clinic, so I guess it is an alternative turn of events lol. Adella is acknowledged as someone of 'lower' rank in Church:

Me and @val-of-the-north love joking that Adella simps for strong/smart fellow Church members regardless of gender fdjhfds In my dream, Adella basically kept distracting Fauxsefka from her work by switching between coy and clingy, until they were really affectionate. Adella also really liked her hair 🤔 The mental image seriously got stuck in my mind fdhfdhs But what I am saying is, it feels not as random as what I first thought!

Adella x Iosefka (Iosella): See previous ship, but this time there is no need to twist events to have Adella be safe xd They could just be sitting on operation table and K-I-S-S-I-N-G

Adella x Henriett (Henriella?): Henriett is implied to have been a Church hunter previously, since she has Church weapons yet a drip of a common hunter and is a summon against Church-related bosses! These two could be bitter EXes but were a thing before, or they might be in the love/hate strain after Henriett's "betrayal"!

Henriett x Iosefka (Henriosefka??): See previous ship, but I'd imagine Iosefka being far less bitter, if at all. She is a white Doctor, she sure knows that Healing Church's is very shady and full of dirty secrets! Not to mention her research to free the healing blood from... well, blood:

I like to think they're both redpilled, but Iosefka sees herself more useful staying in Healing Church and doing what she can "against" it in secrecy.

Henriett x Amelia: I am not sure what this ship is called, because actually I've seen it enough times? But I don't know the name! I assume Ameliett? Usual context is the two being close even if Henriett walks her own Hunter way from now on, and Henriett having agreement with Emilia to slay her if/when she becomes a beast! A promice, even.

Yurie x Rom (Yurom, or Vacurie xd): Since Julie is known as 'the last scholar', she could've been one of the original ones! Why she hasn't aged a single day is up to interpretation. But her purpose as a hostile NPC boils down to not letting us reach Willem... and/or Rom. Willem encourages us to hunt Rom, so seems like Julie does NOT want us to hurt her, ritual or not. She really could simply care about her and protect her even after ascension!

Rom x Ebrietas (Spiderietas): The petrified spider Ebrietas is weeping could be Rom's mortal body, especially considered it's 12 large legs and Rom having 12 large holes above her smaller legs... And Ebrietas' lyrics mention Mensis Ritual:

( x )

(If you never angered anyone to the point of them mentioning you in a song, what WERE you even doing with your life? xd)

Their bond is speculative, and considering running theme of Great One yearning for a surrogate child Rom could've been exactly that! But we also don't know! Besides, Ebby is a 'special' Great One who is a half human (is adult version of celestial larvae)... It could be love!

Maria x Rom (Romaria): I wrote Adeline and Rom being very similar, so in my headcanons Rom is Maria's type of a girl! But also, Maria and Rom have many parallels (elaborated in this ( x ) post)! They protect fucked up secrets even after death and their teacher is now some guy in a chair fsdhfhsd It can be a ship similar to Mariadeline, but without the same touch of guilt from Maria's side.

Black Church hunter x White Church hunter (nightmaresearch): Did you guys know that.... both of the ladies that kick your ass when you enter cathedral that leads you in Research Hall do not have names ;-; I feel like this seriously robbed the fandom off more ships involving them since they can't even be referred to properly! But they are a perfect dynamic of a smart, arcane-attuned woman and her bodyguard. Take Forgotten Madman and his escort but make it lesbian instead, you see?

Maria x White Church hunter (Knightmare? lol): They could've been close since Maria used to be a caretaker in the Research Hall! The white church lady is not as simple as just another 'nun', since she is praying at the secret Surgery altair and not at the facade 'normal' altair, as well as shoots Blacksky Eye projectiles! And, well:

She was one of the doctors! If not THE doctor (maybe Laurence was REALLY busy with blood instead of eyes!). Depending on how aligned you make Maria with the Healing Church, maybe she was close with this "coworker". We know that Maria dreaded the hunt, but maybe she had faith in the research, rather than feeling like a trapped person there. She did give Adeline a key to go play with other arcane-attuned patients at Lumenweed garden after all!

Maria x Annalise (Mariannalise): Another controvercial classic! It is not very popular for obvious reasons and I am not fond of the ship myself, but some people enjoy it for the potential of exploring really fucked up dynamics. (Some people also think being just collateral relatives is not a big deal in this historical context..)

Maria x Gratia (idk... Maratia? how do you mix these...?): Gratia is wearing Old Hunters set, but with a cap instead of their wide cap and without a glove on her left arm! They were old hunters together! This ship is doomed, of course, since Gratia is found dead in underground jail of the Healing Church. But maybe they were close for some time. And maybe Gratia lost her sanity rather than was caught as "heretic" of the Church. There is a room for this ship, even if not a huge one! I like how they are both very tall and strong women, but Gratia is a brute and Maria is soooo elegant x) They're similar but also not!

Eileen x Henriett (Henrileen): I largely base it on the headcanon that 1) Eileen survives after the night, just retires from the hunt and 2) Henriett was familiar with Gascoigne's family same as Eileen, since both and Gascoine detracted from the Church! They could get together afterwards. Maybe even adopt the little girls (they survive in the scenario where Hunter doesn't try to "help" them because I said so </3).

Viola x Henriett (Henriola): Similar explanation for Eileen x Viola, just different character!

Fauxsefka x Iosefka: I don't know what it is called, but I see it sometimes? It is very vague because based on their identical face data, they could be twins... so, that'd be incest :т But they can also be interpreted as just similarly looking people and "devs were lazy", and I've seen a few artists drawing them somewhat different! It is controvercial in either case since Iosefka tries to help the patients and Fauxsefka just """solves""" the beasthood problem by making them Kin (included Iosefka herself), I'd say it is AT LEAST straining.

Yurie x Amelia or Fauxsefka x Amelia: Since School of Mensis yeeted itself into Nightmare and Choir kinda fell apart, these two are the last people from high rank Church echelons left. I've never actually thought much about them, but as (presumably) next most important people in the Healing Church after the vicar themselves, they could be close!

Fauxsefka x Arianna, Maria x Arianna or Fauxsefka x Maria: Again, I didn't give much thought to these (at least not yet lol), but Fauxsefka is strongly implied to descend from Cainhurst herself! (I only mention justification for that headcanon in every second post, I think you all remember the 'moonlight scent', the Cainhurst summon and the trademark Cainhurst potions prepared by Fauxsefka! I headcanon that Arianna was already born in Yharnam, but we can't know ages of these characters or timeline for sure. These characters are not necessarily related, either! I personally think that Maria x Fauxsefka has the most fundament because they both seem to abandon blood antics of their castle and side with the Church's research instead!

Yurie x Arianna (Yurianna): I will just leave this here:

I doodled it so fast that I forgot to de-colorize Arianna's hair, but that ship happened after a doodle request ask for them both! (featuring my former variant of Julie before I finally accepted her canon hair color data :pensive: ) Julie would be actually helpful to Arianna with caring for her eldrich baby, and maybe help to be less terrified of it, haha. They could get close as a result!

Yurie x White church doctor: Haven't come up with a creative or funny name for this ship, but I enjoy it a lot! My headcanons go so far down as that one White Doctor being one of the original Byrgenwerth people!

In my headcanons, her and Julie are sole most 'responcible' and serious scholars in the whole institution! They'd spend a lot of time together as a result. In Research Hall, too.

Fauxsefka x White church doctor: See above, but with different vibe! In my headcanons, Julie is way more interested in experimenting on creatures and chemicals than actual people... But these two absolutely were super passionate doctors :')

Yurie x Adeline (Yurine?): Came to me in a random idea that Micolash kept getting a little too weird towards Adeline (who was too eager and not at all afraid of Deep Sea horrors unlike others), so Julie felt protective and elbowed him, becoming her doctor instead. I mean, not much things can stop Adeline from her eagerness, but they could've formed a similar bond to Mariadeline!

Yurie x Maria: I don't know how to name this ship in such a way that it doesn't simply form a third real name dshfdh But they both are close with very smart but slightly unhinged girls all too fixated on transcending their humanity. Who also don't understand their worth. Who are also fixated on a guy who is a bad influence (Laurence and Micolash). They have so much to talk about! Though Maria ships are all very sad, since no matter who she had proximity with, apparently it never was enough to prevent her from self-isolation and death...

Honorable mentions:

1) Izzy and Caryll have masculine names according to Japanese original script (イジー/Jiří and カレル/Karel), but some people say 'fuck it, regional variant 🙏', and also he/him or they/them lesbians, or GNC women easily could pick masculine names! So, Karel could have good ship with Rom, especially under assumption that they both were way more in touch with Willem's ideas and were nerds together. Or maybe Karel x Yurie! At the same time, consider Jiří x Maria or Jiří x Gratia!

2) I've listed pairings, but these characters can always make poly ships, remember that!

3) I haven't found a sapphic ship personally for Dores, but Dores is a feminine name, and in original script Dores is not a 'he'! There is no gender, actually:

Error appeared from translators referring to Dores and not their mask! But yes, this can be female character, who can also be shipped with any woman from Byrgenwerth, or from Old Hunters!

_____________

Okay that's all..... for now fsdhdfs I tried to focus on the context and explanation, and not dive into my vision of characters' personalities or else I'd be here all day. That was interesting to revisit! Again, obviously I do not ship all of these, and some even really contradict my headcanons; this is the post of IDEAS!

[wondertwinsenthusiast]

Ok but this is the first time I see this kind of take on Bruce and Alfred outside of fans criticizing Aflred. Like actually a character saying this, let alone Bruce. Usually it's the fandom calling Alfred out on enabling Bruce. Thoughts?

[I.D

"Bruce."

Bruce scrubbed his eyes. The sky tonight was starless. "I knew it," he said. "He never wanted to take care of me. He never wanted to be my dad."

"That's not what he's saying."

"And how would you know? If he truly loved me, he would've stopped me from becoming Batman. He would've stopped me from taking Dick in. All he's ever done is stand by and watch me hurt people."

"What are you saying? You know him better than that. You know yourself better than that."

"He rarely hugged me," Bruce said. "A hand around my shoulders, sure. A hand on my head. But hugs were rare. It made me feel like I had to earn them."

"I'm sorry," she said, placing a hand on his arm.]

Source:

[nightwingcouldyounot]

Even in Bruce's weird nightmare world Aflred is just pure snark.

(Batman: Legends of the Dark Knight 046)

[fancyfade]

alfred is just a bad guardian in general

why do you think Post-crisis Bruce is much worse? Because Alfred raised him instead of Mrs Chilton!

sorry for hte late reply; i did not check my ask box for a little.

I do agree that Alfred has plenty of bad tendencies as a guardian, but do also want to point out at least in the beginning of post-crisis Leslie Thompkins was his adoptive mom til he was like ? 12? Idk what age it changed to aflred.

[ao3feed-brucewayne]

The Batman: Urban Legend

by Dgriffin311 The beginning of Bruce Wayne's second year as Batman, facing down his first big fight against organized crime in the form of Carmine Falcone. He makes an unlikely ally of the feminine feline persuasion who sets out to help him after being caught up in the same mess. Is there more to this? What is the truth about his family? The Bat and Cat intend to find out. (First time writing anything like this so please bare with me.) Words: 963, Chapters: 1/?, Language: English Series: Part 1 of The Batman Fandoms: Batman - All Media Types Rating: Mature Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Categories: F/M Characters: Batman, Catwoman, Aflred Pennyworth, Harvey Dent, Hamilton Hill, Carmine Falcone, Thomas Wayne, Martha Wayne, Vicki Vale, James Gordon Relationships: Batman/Catwoman, Bruce Wayne/Selina Kyle Additional Tags: Batman - Freeform, Enemies to Lovers, Fluff, Angst, Implied Sexual Content, Trauma (obviously), Bruce is in his 2nd year of Batman, He's still an urban legend, Catwoman is more of a hero than usual, Fairly inspired by the Telltale Series, Mutual Pining, slowish burn, Violence via https://ift.tt/F4XWhNp

[dragonpyre]

Barton son reality tv show that’s like keeping up with the kardashins but actually, the first few episodes are just him sadly eating cake, crying over cat memes and talking about Pokémon cards and then like on the 9th episode we see him adopt Dick Grayson, and now he’s learning how to bake cakes for his sons birthday, while Dick is in the interview room like ‘don’t worry, me and Alfred have a plan to keep the manor from burning down.’

He never becomes Robin, well, atleast to Battinsons knowledge, but he kinda shows up with Jason Todd in hand, and Bruce doesn’t realize for like a month until he walks into Jason reciting some play at the dinner table, and is really confused before asking Alfred if he adopted another one. Aflred nods and he’s like oh Kay and then makes it his mission to be this kids best dad ever.

Dick just keeps bringing in kids and every time they get on the show and out in the interview room they’re like ‘I’m not sure he knows my name, but he knows everything I like and don’t’.

Sorry if this is a mess but like.. I can’t stop thinking about it

Interviewer: So what made you want to adopt all these kids?

Bruce: I what?