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fcble · 7 months ago

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PIANO CONCERTO IN A♭ MINOR, PART I: ALLEGRO

“Grumbler, heart squeezed until it suffocates; wailing lament, difficult struggle; in a word, the color of this key is everything struggling with difficulty.” — Ideen zu einer Aesthetik der Tonkunst, Christian Schubart

In which Andrew experiences a reunion. FEATURING: Andrew Han, Oh Kiyoung, Jeon Daewoong WORD COUNT: 2.3k SETTING: June 2024 NOTES: The first third of Andrew's Great Existential Crisis of 2024. Part II will be in July fingers crossed 🤞.

Leading Fable is much more difficult than Andrew thought it would be. He was under the impression that the difficulty came more from the group members themselves than any responsibilities of the position. The difficulty, in fact, comes in two places. The first place is Mingeun. Getting him to do anything saps most of Andrew's strength. That was never a problem when Jaeseop was around, because he asked a question, Mingeun answered. The second place is the combination of Taein and Daewoong. Andrew arrives early to every practice and leaves late. He's forced to sit in the passenger seat of the van. He tries to escape to his studio and discovers it's been temporarily gifted to Hwang Jaesun’s producer. Haksu loses the spare key to their practice room and Andrew is blamed for it. Byeonghwi finds it three days later in their apartment and Andrew is again blamed for not looking close enough. He loses in every possible situation.

Andrew sorely misses Jaeseop's bloodline immunity, and his past blissful ignorance of the job's responsibilities. Daewoong, who's nearly insufferable on a good day, turns downright spiteful. It must have been only Jaeseop's connection to Taein and Daewoong’s loyalty to Taein that kept him in check. The time that Andrew insinuated he was nothing more than their CEO’s dog didn't help matters in the least.

He knows why Daewoong behaves like this, and yet he can't dredge up an ounce of sympathy. Taein was the one who scouted him, promised him a lifetime of fame and fortune if he worked hard. Daewoong was supposed to be in EXO. Then he was supposed to be in NCT. Then he got into a fist fight with another trainee and broke the other guy's nose. It was Kiyoung who pried this out of him, before Fable's debut, at a less than reputable club in a seedy part of Gangnam. Andrew remembers Kiyoung coming back that night reeking of booze and cigarette smoke. He also remembers Kiyoung taking at least three showers and using all the hot water.

Now Andrew is the idol, and Daewoong is in the driver's seat, clutching the steering wheel in a ten and two iron grip. They're on their way to Kiyoung’s home in Incheon to pick him up, following his military service discharge from last week. Daewoong has taken the opportunity a drive outside of Seoul offers to grill Andrew on every minute activity of the past twenty-four hours.

“I don't know where Byeonghwi went last night,” he says again. Andrew has taken to staying in Eunsu's old room, because it's the younger members who make the most trouble. It has yet to help in situations like this. He doesn't know how Daewoong knows Byeonghwi disappeared shortly before midnight and reappeared in the morning, his bed left cold and empty and clearly never slept in.

“He’s old enough to make his own decisions,” Andrew says.

From the look on Daewoong’s face, it’s clear he doesn’t think the same way.

“What about Mingeun? How is he doing?”

Daewoong asked him that same question yesterday. Andrew pretends he didn’t. “He’s upset about the subunit,” he says, which is the same response he gave yesterday. He feels like a broken record.

“He was upset about the subunit yesterday.”

“He won't change his mind in a day,” is Andrew's response.

“This is all very surface level, Andrew,” Daewoong says. “Any casual observer could see that.”

“You expect me to interrogate him. I’m the last person he’d spill his guts to.” According to Kakao Maps on the dashboard in front of them, they’re still twelve minutes away from their destination. Another twelve unbearable minutes in Daewoong’s unbearable company.

“Then you’ll have to try harder.”

Andrew doubts Jaeseop has conversations like this. Or he’s feeding all their secrets to Daewoong and Taein, and Andrew’s never really known him. He finds that hard to believe.

“What about your work with Byungho-ssi? How is that progressing?” Daewoong asks, changing the subject.

Andrew knows Byungho better as Atlas, the youngest member of Taein’s new idol group. He’s a serious and somber kid who seems to shoulder the weight of the world. Andrew finds that ironic. He also seems to be the one the rest of the group is built around, and for that, Andrew already pities him. That, and their conversations make him feel like he’s looking into a mirror. Apart from their obvious similarities in nationality and names, Atlas has that same reckless confidence Andrew himself had when he was the same age.

“It’s going well,” he says, watching the buildings blur by them. He takes another look at the map. Seven minutes.

Daewoong doesn’t respond. Andrew knows him well enough by now to know he’s expecting more.

“Atlas is proficient,” he continues. “He's quick to learn and disciplined.”

He discards a handful of other adjectives—passionate, enthusiastic, earnest. None of that matters. What matters is that he can do the work now, and then seven years down the line as well.

“Good,” Daewoong says. “And your song?”

This is the part that Andrew was dreading. At first, he was only listening to their music, giving pointers to Atlas and Taein, sitting in their studio while Atlas worked so he could be filmed as the supportive senior in their pre-debut YouTube show. His responsibilities have steadily increased, and now Andrew is writing one of their debut songs. Intak is writing the other. As far as he knows, Intak is done. They haven't discussed it at all.

“It's also going well,” Andrew answers after an extended silence. It isn't. He can’t produce anything that doesn’t sound like a Fable song, because he’s now so intertwined with their sound. He doesn’t Taein’s new group to sound like Fable. He wants them to create their own sound, their own identity.

“There’s nothing wrong with Atlas’s music,” he says. “He’s capable of writing his own debut song. Intak wrote ours.”

And I didn’t, he adds silently to himself. Part of that is his own fault—it just took years to realize it.

“Taein-nim decided it would be better for you to do it,” Daewoong says. “More publicity.”

Now he has a purpose, a worth, some gravity, all because he was finally able to help shape Fable’s sound and concept in recent years, and achieve mild commercial success. Before that, Andrew had to fight and wheedle and bargain to have any of his music heard. Now he’s being forced to do the same for other people. His music doesn’t work like that. It’s art, first and foremost. He wants it to be heard, but he doesn’t want it to be forced, like water from a stone. It’s the fundamental difference between himself and Intak—or at least the difference in their perspectives. Taein says to jump. Intak asks how high. Taein says to write a title track for a new idol group. Intak asks what genre.

“He thinks that’s a good idea?” Andrew finally asks out loud. “Remember Jaesun-ssi’s album?”

He had been coerced into contributing a track to Jaesun’s debut as well. That contribution had ended up being a rejected Fable song. It was jarringly obvious in comparison to everything else provided by Jaesun’s producer.

“You don't need to worry about that,” Daewoong says, part reassuring and part condescending, but mostly condescending.

Andrew reads between the lines. He's not supposed to worry about that, because he's too low on the ladder. He isn't supposed to concern himself with business decisions. He's supposed to take orders and write music, no questions asked.

The urban landscape gradually shifts to a more residential one. Andrew watches their destination inch closer and closer. They finally pull into the parking lot of a collection of nearly identical highrise apartment buildings. Daewoong parks in a guest stall and slams the car’s gearshift into park with more force than necessary.

He leaves the car idling, and less than a minute later, Kiyoung is there, right outside the window, rolling a suitcase behind him. His hair is still short, though it’s slightly longer than the regulation buzzcut he sported the last time they met on one of his days off. Andrew waves through the glass.

Daewoong starts peeling away as soon as Kiyoung and his belongings are in the backseat.

“It’s good to see you again too,” Kiyoung says dryly.

Andrew types their address into Daewoong’s phone and watches it route them back to Seoul, suppressing a sigh. Another hour drive with Daewoong and the promise of traffic the nearer they get.

“So what did I miss that wasn’t in the group chat?” Kiyoung asks once they’re on the road.

Andrew rushes to beat Daewoong to the punch, despite not having much to share. Kiyoung has seen almost everything in the group chat, and there are some things he doesn’t want to talk about in front of their manager.

“Haksu went home,” Andrew says. “His father is in the hospital.” It’s not good news, but it’s news.

“Fuck,” Kiyoung swears from the backseat.

Daewoong changes the topic before Andrew can say anything else. “You’ll be taking Mingeun’s place in the subunit later in the year.”

“The subunit,” Kiyoung repeats flatly. “What subunit? And why can’t Mingeun and I both be part of it?”

“He lost his chance. I hope you remember how to dance.”

“I covered ‘Hype Boy’ more than anyone else did.”

That’s true. The opportunity hasn’t really come up, and for that, Andrew is grateful. He checks the map. Forty-seven more minutes.

“Our tour went well,” Andrew says, “although no one performed ‘Hype Boy.’”

“So it could have gone better,” Kiyoung responds, and Andrew can practically hear his grin.

He shrugs, forgetting Kiyoung can’t see him. “It could have.”

Like always, Daewoong interrupts to ruin everything. “Enough. Kiyoung-ssi, no concessions will be granted for your absence. Andrew and Mingeun will catch you up starting tomorrow, and you’ll be expected at the group practice later in the day.”

That’s news to Andrew as well, though he can’t say he’s surprised by it. He suspects Kiyoung is one of Daewoong’s most-hated Fable members, although almost all of them are Daewoong’s most-hated Fable members. The only ones who seem to lack that distinction are Intak, Jaeseop, and Byeonghwi. Kiyoung, on the other hand, is a special case. He’s a year older than Daewoong, and Fable was his second chance to be an idol. Their positions could so easily be switched, and that makes him double the target.

In any case, Kiyoung is notoriously difficult to bait. He’s too calm and easygoing. Andrew wonders if he’d be interested in being Fable’s temporary leader. He’s much better at holding conversations with Daewoong than Andrew is.

“Of course,” Kiyoung answers evenly, and Andrew really has to admire his disposition.

He spends the rest of the ride filling Kiyoung in with the barest bones of the events they didn’t talk about in the group chat. Surface level, as Daewoong would say. He doesn’t care. He talks about all the music they released—all the music he wrote—and Mingeun's Shooting Stars stint and how Intak's mixtape is going until his throat hurts.

By then, their drive has slowed to a crawl. Andrew thinks it would be faster to get out and walk. He doesn't say that out loud. The last ten minutes pass in agonizing silence. Even Daewoong seems to have reached his limit.

They reach their apartment building's back entrance in relative peace.

Kiyoung doesn't give Daewoong the chance to fully park before he opens his door. “See you later, Dae.”

Andrew is about to follow, right hand resting on the door handle.

Daewoong stops him. “Andrew,” he says sharply. “I expect you to be a positive influence on Byungho-ssi and his group members.”

It's a strange time for a reminder like that, and that makes Andrew pause. It's probably one of the nuggets of wisdom Daewoong gained from failing to debut.

“They'll need one,” he responds flippantly. “And it obviously can't be you.”

Then he gets out of the car before Daewoong can fight back. He has to spend less time around Haksu.

It's been a few months since Andrew last stepped foot in what was his apartment. So when Kiyoung opens the door and calmly states, “You've really let this place go to shit,” Andrew finds himself almost agreeing.

Intak appears to have expanded from his bedroom into the living room as well. Half his speaker set up occupies a good quarter of the room, and there are anime figurines on the TV stand.

“I'm staying in Eunsu’s old room,” Andrew says defensively. He considers defending Jaeseop and Intak as well. Then he catches Kiyoung’s eye and sees his shit-eating grin.

“It's good to be back,” Kiyoung says, rolling his shoulders back. “And congratulations on your promotion. Leader-nim, can I have Jaeseop’s room?”

“Why do you need Jaeseop’s room?” Intak stands at the other end of the room, looking a bit like a deer in headlights, or maybe the type of apparition visible during sleep paralysis.

“He doesn't need it,” Kiyoung says. “So, leader-nim?”

Andrew shrugs. “If that's what you want.”

He doesn't have the energy to complain about the leader title. He didn’t want it, but he's growing accustomed to it. It’s his burden to shoulder. Now that he's back here, he's reminded of all the crushing pressures he's under. He missed hours of work that he could have used to finish Atlas’s group's song, or their own subunit album. Instead, he was subjected to useless conversations with Daewoong.

Intak and Kiyoung have a lot more to catch up on, he reasons. LCK, and whatever anime the two of them are watching lately. “I’m going to the company,” Andrew announces. It’s only after he speaks that he remembers he doesn’t have anywhere to go. He assumes Intak won’t mind if Andrew uses his space.

Kiyoung frowns. “Now? Are you feeling alright?”

Andrew dismisses his concerns. “I’m fine. You know, Daewoong.” He can’t say much more in front of Intak, who doesn’t hate Daewoong.

Kiyoung nods slowly like he isn’t completely convinced. Intak doesn’t look pleased either. Andrew doesn’t have the luxury of time to reassure either of them. He has work to do.

On his way out, he hears Kiyoung ask, “Is that the Shibuya Scramble 1/7 scale Neon City Rem?”

Andrew understands less than the half the words in that question.

#╰ to be written in ink is to be immortal — [ writing. ]#╰ to be written in ink is to be immortal — [ yejun. ]#fictional idol community #kpop oc #idol oc #kpop fanfic #fake kpop group

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