#adulting is hard y'all !! just stay in school kids

[glossdebut]

PRICE OF FAME | MYG ★ CH. 2 TEASER

✧ PAIRING: yoongi x fem!reader

✧ SUMMARY: You were about ready to give up, your career nowhere near what you dreamed it’d be when you started at eighteen, bright-eyed and naive. Reality for you these past few years has consisted of pouting at a camera, ignoring whispers of your name at company events, and ensuring that the stupid, tiny designer purses they keep forcing on you can at least carry a flask. But now, you’re helping a friend in need. For the first time in a long time, it feels like you’re doing something worthwhile with your life. Too bad Min Yoongi, the newest thorn in your side, seems insistent on stopping you. 『 series masterlist 』

✧ TEASER WARNINGS: none!

✧ AUTHOR'S NOTE: ask and you shall receive! i still don't have a set drop date for this chapter, but i wanted to post this short teaser for y'all anyway since you've been waiting so patiently. i am so thankful for all of the love i'm getting for this series already!!! chapter one is almost at 500 notes which is SO insane. i get so stupidly giddy every time i receive a reply, reblog, or an ask about this series! feedback and interaction keep me writing and i am so looking forward to what all of you think of this teaser. reminder that you can track the tag 'glossdebut updates' to stay updated on drop dates/word counts/etc.!

P.S. just like with all of my teasers, wording is subject to change when the chapter actually comes out <3

✧ TEASER WORDCOUNT: 481 words

✧ STATUS: ongoing

Yoongi hasn’t touched a cigarette since he was twenty one years old.

He picked up the nasty habit at sixteen, when one of his friends doled out African Ice Jacks amongst the group, bragging that his hyung had bought the pack for him. As soon as the lighter was flicked on and the bittersweet taste of bubblegum and tobacco filled Yoongi’s lungs, he was hooked.

It was stupidly easy to get his hands on cigarettes before he was of legal age, even when his friend’s hyung couldn’t supply them for whatever reason. All of the adults around him smoked, including his parents. 

It felt as though cigarettes were an extension of his hand, felt wrong when he didn’t have the option to light one up. During school hours, Yoongi’s fingers would twitch on his desk as he waited for his last class to end.

He was a fucking anxious, wound-up kid. Smoking was the only thing that helped, sometimes. If he had a shit day, at least he could have a cigarette.

When the band got signed, though, things changed. Despite the fact that the majority of the population in Korea smoked, celebrities were vilified for it in the media. For whatever fucking reason. Yoongi didn’t care much what the media had to say about him, but he reasoned that it would be pretty stupid to let his dream die over Ice Jacks. So he quit.

It was hard at first, but it’s been five years now. After so much time, it’s rare that cigarettes even cross his mind, even when others smoke around him.

Sitting across the table from you now, though, Yoongi’s fingers twitch just like they had when he was in grade school staring at a clock.

He and the band started frequenting Yoojung Sikdang long before there was any real hope for fame. It was their chosen spot after every practice. The ajumma who owns it knows their names, remembers their orders by heart. Over the years, the only part of the restaurant that’s changed is their autographed photos on the wall. They’ve celebrated every single milestone here, big or small, just the five of them. Alone.

Wrapping up their first world tour should be no different. It’s their biggest milestone yet, and all Yoongi wanted was to eat ssambap with his best friends. Remind himself that none of the fame matters as long as they still have this.

But here you are. Of course. Encroaching on everything Yoongi’s built, everything he holds dear to his heart.

The only time it’s ever been more than the five of them here was the night they signed their contract, accompanied by two label executives. Even if you’re allegedly riding Jeongguk’s dick, no way are you that fucking important.

Yoongi would laugh if he wasn’t so pissed off. You are such a fucking pest. He just can’t shake you off.

✧ TAGLIST: @jajabro @pitchblack0309 @sugar-snap @ot72025 @ktownshizzle

@futuristicenemychaos @tea4sykes @sugainmybowl @namjoonsbuspass @wobblewobble822

@yoongiphoria @ohnothisnameisalreadytaken @this-most-assuredly-counts @sugafun @binniesbabe

@1800lxcifrrr @whoa-jo @amarawayne @kimsaerom @bangtangsworld @angellekookie

@jalexad @tarahardcore @valhallawhispers @chimmisbae @notsevenwithyou

[cookieswithay]

🕷"No...no way"😈 Part 3

42 & 1610 Miles Morales x fem reader

•●•°○°•●•°○°•●•°○°•●•°○°•●•

"For real?"

• Miles asked. You were powerful, but they're times when he couldn't be swayed. Was he actually legit? Surprisingly, the prowler's eyes softened.

• "For real."

• He replied. That... was strangely reassuring. The doppelgangers stared at each other awhile, having a unspoken understanding. Maybe this wouldn't be so ba-

• "Miles, over here."

• You said, motioning for him to come over. Absentmindedly, he dropped his clone, made his walked over to you.

• "Honey, I want both of you to come."

• He grumbled and hauled Miles over his shoulder. You snickered while your other boyfriend rolled his eyes. (Is this how Ganke feels when he shows off to you?) He set him down.

• "Can't you just untie me?"

• The hero muttered.

• "Alright, kids gather around,"

• Uncle Aaron said, (finally) turning the lights back on.

• "I already got a plan."

• "First things first,"

• Everyone held their breath.

• "All y'all are going to bed."

• "What!?"

• You all shouted. He nodded.

• "It's 2 right now."

• "Not only do you two have school tomorrow,"

• He said, pointing at the 42ers.

• "But that one definitely needs a break."

• That...was a MASSIVE good point. Now that everything is (somewhat) chill, dude felt super tired. Let's see here, he outran over a hundred spider people. Suffered from heartbreak. Fought a crazed adult and got degraded. Landed in the wrong dimension and was almost killed by his "evil twin". It's a miracle he's still awake. Feeling something, he turned to see the other Miles staring at him.

• "Jeez, what tore you up?"

• "Before or after, I met you?"

• "Well excuse the hell outta me."

• "I wasn't being rude!"

• "Ahem."

• You cut in. Their uncle wasn't done talking. Unfortunately though, that didn't shut up one of the Miles.

• "Uncle Aaron, with all due respect, we really need to get going."

• "We don't have a ton of time and-"

• He slowly lost her nerve to speak as his uncle stared at him down.

• "I know that."

• He replied calmly.

• "That's why I need you to get some sleep, so we can work fast tomorrow."

• "You can't protect anyone half awake."

• His eyes locked with Miles's.

• "A'ight?"

• He nodded slowly. Maybe because it's his undead uncle or cause the adrenaline's gone, but he felt relieved. Like a WAVE of relief.

• (...No one shot him with a nothing, right?)

• "Okay,"

• The ex prowler said, sitting down.

• "Miles, take Y/N back to her room. And go straight home afterwards."

• "It's late enough."

• His nephew grumbled something under his breath but stood up. Miles snorted. He knew what that meant. The goodbye kiss can last awhile. His good times were cut short when Uncle Aaron looked at him.

• "And you're staying with me."

• "I am?!"

• "He is?!"

• He nodded.

• "We can't tell your mom she has a new son."

• His counterpart wasn't happy about that. He starts arguing with their uncle, but Miles couldn't hear it. He was gonna spend the night at Uncle Aaron's! Just like old times...

• "I spend all my time with you and you getting mad over one night?"

• The prowler sucked his teeth. Just because he agreed to help that punk save his old man, does NOT mean he'll let him get cozy with his uncle. They're not even tight yet. Let alone acquaintances.

• "I'm just saying-"

• Suddenly, he was cut off by an odd sound. Like a computer screwing up or something. Miles turned around. The other Miles...was glitching. Like, hard.

• "What the?"

• You turned, as well.

• "Miles?"

• He wasn't responding. You began to panic. You wanted shake him or something, but you didn't know what that glitch stuff would do to you.

• "Miles!"

• Your boyfriend walked over, but he knew you weren't calling him. He crouched down next to you. ...He wasn't gonna die from this, right? Just like how it started, it abruptly stopped. Miles gasped, finally free from the crippling pain. You grabbed his hands.

• "Are you okay, now!? Or...better than before?"

• The hero nodded. Despite the lingering pain of his atoms decaying, he was okay.

• "It's just something that happens when you're in a different dimension."

• You smiled and told him you were relieved it was over. But, your eyes said something different. It was obvious what happened really freaked you out. Your hands were shaking. How could he reassure you?

• "Hey."

• Miles's turned.

• "How many more glitches you got in you?"

• Miles knew what that meant. How many more glitches 'till you die? (Props for not spilling the gory details in front of you, though)

• "Dunno, I never counted."

• The prowler stood up and looked over at his uncle, who was silently processing the situation. This plan is gonna need some more tweaking.

• "Tell Rio I'm picking you two up from school tomorrow, okay?"

• "Got it."

• "Don't forget."

• "I said I got it."

• As Miles and Uncle Aaron conversed, you hung back with the other Miles. You were scrolling through your phone. This was the first time in awhile he felt nervous around you. It's not like you were completely different, but you still felt new. "So, um..."

• What do you like to talk about here?

• "How'd you and this Miles meet?"

• He mentally slapped his forehead. For the love of god, why did he say that? It was obvious it was at Visions. You chuckled.

• "He saved me."

• Wait?

• "So he's not a bad guy?"

• He said, obviously not believing you. You nodded. Miles looked past you and at your boyfriend. Yeah...he didn't have the demeanor of a good guy.

• "Y/N, come on!"

• "Welp, time to skedaddle."

• You said, getting up from the couch. Miles nearly reached out to you, but stopped himself in time. This Y/N wasn't his. And he SHOULDN'T pull up because he needs your reassurance. That's trashy.

• "Real quick, sweetie!"

• He heard you say. Did you leave something-

• Suddenly, he was smashed against you, embraced tightly. You let him go and tilted his chin up.

• "Everything,"

• "Is gonna be okay."

• He looked up at you, not sure what to say.

• "Your shoulder,"

• "Your nose,"

• "And most importantly."

• You placed your hand on his chest and stuck your other one in his hair.

• "These are gonna be okay."

• You stared into his hazel eyes, hope starting to burn in them. That's what you wanted to see.

• "Okay?"

• Miles smiled, confidence and gratitude now flowing through him.

• "Okay."

• "Ahem"

• Your boyfriend coughed in the background. You're sure taking your sweet time.

• "I'm coming, pretty boy, I'm coming."

•●•°○°•●•°○°•●•°○°•●•°○°•●•

...The way I lowkey don't like how I'm writing this one.🤣 Anywho, thanks for tuning into part 3, this a gonna be a long ride. And as usual...

(Pt1, Pt2, and Pt 2 1/2)

[wildthingpoorboy]

CYOA - Adrien's Average Day Pt 3

By another overwhelming majority, it seems y'all really want adrien to go into that shower. Alright then, but you should know that there are consequences for your actions...

*Adrien has chosen to investigate the shower. He has missed the limo that was waiting for him outside. Kagami will remember this.

**Adrien has chosen NOT to hurry to school. He will miss first period. Bustier will remember this.

"Need a hand, Nathalie?"

Nathalie spun around to see Adrien had already completely undressed. He stood at the shower door with one hand still stroking himself. Nathalie covered her breasts with one arm and her lower privates with the other, as if Adrien had not already seen them before.

"Adrien!" she shrieked. "What are you-? Aren't you supposed to be at school already?"

"My alarm didn't go off," Adrien shrugged. "And what are you doing in my shower? That's the real question."

"M-m-my..." Nathalie stammered, which was so unlike her. It took her a moment but she had managed to regain her composure. Her initial shock and surprise had been replaced by her usual professional and almost stoic demeanor.

"If you must know," she started again, as a matter-of-factly, "My shower wasn't working this morning. I was going to have it repaired as soon as I was finished."

"Uh-huh," Adrien smirked. Unconvinced by her excuse, Adrien walked right into the shower at Nathalie's surprise.

"What do you think you're doing?" Nathalie asked.

"Taking a shower?" Adrien answered.

"Yes, but I'm in here," Nathalie said.

"It's my shower. Besides, it's big enough for both of us," said Adrien. And he wasn't kidding. The shower had multiple shower heads and was big enough that Adrien and Nathalie could move around without bumping into each other.

"Very well," Nathalie said. "Do what you want. I'll be done in a moment."

Nathalie turned to face away from Adrien. She hesitantly moved her arms up to wash her hair. Adrien however never looked away. He awkwardly lathered some soap onto his hands and on his body, but his eyes stayed locked on the beautiful naked woman showering besides him. He watched as the water moved along Nathalie's slender hourglass body. Her long legs, her tight butt, her thin waist, flat stomach; it was clear to Adrien that she took good care of herself. As she should, working in the fashion industry and all. Adrien sidestepped around Nathalie to get a view of her breasts. The breasts that Nathalie tried to hide from him. He moved around her and saw them. Flawless, perky enough from a young woman, but big enough to know they were from a fully grown adult.

'The best of both worlds,' Adrien thought.

"Master Adrien," Nathalie interrupted Adrien's train of thought. "If we're going to do this, would you mind controlling that? You've been poking me this entire time."

Adrien looked down. Nathalie had been pointing at Adrien's now full erection. Instead of honoring her request, Adrien brought his body closer to hers, making sure she could feel exactly how hard he's made her.

"I'm sorry, Nathalie," he said as sweetly and innocently as possible. "You're just so beautiful. I couldn't help it."

"Adrien-," Nathalie was interrupted by Adrien pulling her closer to him.

"Remember that night you helped me go to sleep?" he asked.

"That was...a mistake. A one time thing," Nathalie said.

"But I miss you," he said. "I want us to be closer."

Nathalie turned to face Adrien. She cupped her hand on his cheek and gave him a kiss. Then a second one. Then a much longer third one.

"Adrien...I..." Nathalie looked away, embarrassed. "Do you really want...me?"

Adrien nodded. His hands went around her body and to her butt. Nathalie did the same.

"Very well, but only for today," she said. He had heard that before.

"Tell me what you want," she said.

[sonicenvy]

library mission statements about equity and justice are empty and meaningless bullshit until the day they practice them with their staff.

thinking about how much of a hot fucking mess my library is at the moment. sooooo many people are getting out because there's nowhere to go from where you are, the pay sucks, the benefits are nil and the admin also sucks. a lot of people who are getting out are also getting out of libraries and education in general because these are problems that are endemic to education in general. the rise in anti-intellectualism and misogyny are fucking us over as a field and i hate that for all of us.

when will the reckoning come for our field?

when will it come for the hypocrisy of our higher ups and admins for presenting institutions of learning as places of justice and equality while they ask educators and library workers to give our time and labor for free, because our work is "a moral imperative" an all important "pillar of society" etc etc, treat us like shit, pay us poverty wages, fight employee efforts to collectively bargain and unionize, over saturate our field with 30 hr a week "part time" positions like mine, and give the majority of front line, public facing staff no health benefits to go with our poverty wages, and require graduate level degrees for positions with "competitive" $40K/ year salaries.

oh you're heroes of society and your work is important, we wish you a very die in a hole.

i want to stay. i really really do, because I love this work and because i am good at it and because i think it's valuable and important work to be doing but god what the fuck. i hate how two-faced so much educational and library admins are about the work we do.

our institution stands for equity, liberty, and justice!

where the fuck is the equity and justice for the people who work in this field huh? why do teachers, college professors and librarians have to work for peanuts and be all fucking grateful to admin who have no fucking clue what the daily reality of our lives are and who don't give a shit about us??? for patrons and students that don't see us people??? what's the goddamn point??

There were college professors at my expensive private college who had to work in local bars to make ends meet because the pay was so trash and a professor of mine who lived in her fucking office one summer because she was fucking homeless for two months. sometimes our patrons talk to me and i think that we must live on completely separate planets or maybe in completely different universes. some of my colleagues are scrounging around for quarters to maybe be able to do their fucking laundry this week, while the patrons send their kids to $60k/year private grade schools and the upper admin talk about heading to their weekend vacation homes.

the admin at my library made a big splash at our last staff day about how they cared about employee mental well-being and that to that end they were going to give all employees an annual $100 well being fund. my mental well-being will be shit until i can afford fucking medical care that y'all don't care to help your 30 hour people get. fuck you and your $100.

there are states and municipalities that ban school teachers from unionizing. admins keep us in fear and near poverty because they know it divides us and it keeps us from organizing because we're all just barely scraping by and need our jobs. they use our passion up and spit us back out. it's no wonder that so many teachers and library workers are leaving.

the fact that our society doesn't do the real, hard work and show the real cash to support and nurture education workers is something that is a rot on our society and the lowering literacy in this country is a shining example of the consequences of this wilful anti-intellectualism and devaluing of our work and our personhood.

54% of american adults read at or below a sixth grade reading level, and we're seeing all the hot steaming garbage effects of this across this country in dreadful and tragic ways. say all the pretty, correct jargon-filled words that you want, but until you put your money and your care where that mouth is we smell the bullshit and see the lies. the rot is inside the house –– in the admin offices, in the legislatures and in the municipal governments that withhold funding from us and attack us on all sides with book bans, punitive rules and regulations for teachers' classrooms, the capitulation to ridiculous demands of parents and others who are not education professionals, and markets full of insulting pay. the rot is in the gop who hate us and the christians who want to make public education uniformed christian cult education. fuck all of you.

we smell the bullshit.

come read about the shitty realities of our work on the various education professional subreddits and look at insulting compensations on library and teaching job boards. if you care at all about libraries and schools I am literally begging you to fucking listen to us and amplify our voices about the state of this field. Go to your local officials, your school board meetings and your library board meetings and tell them that education professionals deserve living wages, decent health benefits, the guaranteed and protected right to unionization and safe, non-hostile working conditions.

we deserve to be treated with respect and decency in our workplaces and by our employers. we have a right to personal safety in our workplaces. we deserve to be treated as the educated, capable professionals that we are. we deserve to be paid living wages and paid for ALL of our time and labor. we deserve to be able to do OUR JOBS without having to do 50 other jobs we didn't ask for and weren't trained for. We deserve to work for employers who will practice what they preach when it comes to equity, inclusion, and justice. We have the same right to basic personhood and respect that everyone else does.

until y'all can support and agree that we deserve our rights and our pay, your support libraries and schools words are empty pretty words. support your striking school teachers, your library workers attempting to build unions, your striking museum workers and your underpaid college professors.

those unionizing ARTIC faculty and staff said it best:

“United we bargain,” they chanted. “Divided we beg.”

there is no national or international library workers union as far as I can tell. i wish that i wasn't so afraid to lose my job. i wish i could speak out and advocate for myself and my colleagues in my real life without fearing for my employment prospects. i wish we weren't all living in so much fear of unemployment because of the low pay we have now that we could speak up. i hate this situation we're all in so much.

also, like fuck the GOP so hard. with a cactus.

rant over for now. thanks for coming to my absolutely fucking furious ted talk about the state of library science and education.

[calpicowater]

Day 280/365: October 7th 2018 | 韭菜包 (Chive Buns??)

Slept from 6am to 3:30pm “last night” LMAO........ literally woke up at 3:30 wtf so LATE...... I ate food, talked to people on text, showered, watched some videos, and suddenly I already had to go to work. Work was a drag, as usual ;0; but yay money I guess LOL. The repetitiveness of night market is making my life seem sort of meaningless??????? :’s (excuse me while I cry.... I wanna travel somewhere or even just go back to China again lmao ToT)

[aro-is-gay-af]

Why do I think Resume will end up with Volturi - an attempt to explain Bella/Renesmee relationship

As within the fandom nobody likes Renee (no wonder why) I'd like to make an attempt at explaining to y'all what's like to have a parent like her (because I've got the same problem) and why this is going to cause problem over the years between Bella and Renesmee. This post will include such things as explaining:

why being in a relationship like this is so tiresome

what kind of effect has it on Bella

why Bella is just the same towards Renesmee as her mother was to her

why Bella and Renessme dynamics as mother/daughter aren't as fantastic

why is it so probable that Renesmee will eventually join the Volturi and what may be her reasons to do so.

1. Someone, who's never been in the kind of relationship that Bella and Renee have, is not going to catch up quickly with the point that I'm making in this post. Why? Because it's hard to imagine yourself being in an abusive or neglectful relationship with a person, who is a close relative of yours. You never want to acknowledge that something is wrong and instead, you're trying to find excuses for the person's abusive behavior. Fandom agrees on the fact, that Renee is, at best, neglectful of Bella, while at worst, she's downright abusive. I agree with both statements and in a moment you'll know why. You also need to know that everything I'll write here is from my experience from being in such a relationship hence it doesn't mean everyone will have the same experiences as myself. Now, why is such a relationship so tiresome and you struggle to find your true self in it? In my case, very similarly to Bella, I became responsible for things I shouldn't be responsible for at a very young age. I didn't have the time to actually be a kid because I needed to handle "adult responsibilities". When you have adults' responsibilities you lose something beyond reclaim. You'll never go back to your childhood and be a child once again. I was forced, not only to handle myself, but also my brother and mother, and our household. I didn't have time to do most things that kids do cause I was taking care of my brother, or my mother, or doing chores, or anything that was supposed to be done by adults, except it wasn't. While all of this made me extremely responsible, it also made me anxious, bitter towards my parents and I suffered from depression for a long time. I read somewhere that Bella is exaggerating and it's normal to help your parents within the house, to have responsibilities. The problem here is that Renee is Bella's responsibility in the same way my mother and brother were mine. You cannot give this up because you're too responsible but it also eats you from the insides. Also, if I remember correctly, Bella says somewhere in the book that she doesn't mind this because that's how things are for a long time. That's exactly what I'm talking about! When such responsibilities are forced on you at a very young age, you accept it and think it is natural. It isn't. Adult are adults, and kids should be kids, not kids forced into adulthood.

2. + 3. When you don't have time to be a child and you're forced into the adult world, there's always going to be some consequences that you cannot foresee prior. To Bella it ended actually sadly - we can see in the book, as well as in the movie, that Renesmee is almost as an accessory to Bella. Sure, Bella dies for her, but what else? Renesmee is described as mature and serious, she doesn't want to do things that kids usually do. Why? Smeyer made her this way, yeah, but apart from that, it's because Bella cannot handle a kid. The idea of full family appeared to her because she never had it herself. And while she admits that she doesn't even want children in Eclipse, suddenly in Breaking Dawn we see her change her mind completely. All she ever wanted was a) Edward and b) to be a vampire. So when she has these two goals achieved, why would she even bother with Renesmee? So Resume is mature enough and growing up quickly to relieve Bella from the burden of maternity.

4. Also, I'm not saying that Bella doesn't love Renesmee. Of course she does. Renesmee, also, loves her dearly. It's the same dynamics as between my and my mother, and between Bella and Renee. Bella loves Renne but needs to take care of her and be the responsible adult™. It also tires her, as she needs to think about how to handle the business in the most effective (and cheapest) way.

I think we can establish by now that love has nothing to do with this. So, because of her childhood and the poor illustrations of how relationships should work, Bella is exactly the same towards Renesmee as Renee (and partially Charlie) was to her. She thinks Renesmee is able to handle herself fine - she's constantly throwing at us proves that Renesmee is mature enough to do almost everything adults do. It's bullshit, of course, but Bella isn't aware of that. It's how she was brought up (or it's rather the lack of bringing her up by responsible adult) and she thinks it's the best way to fulfill parental duties.

As I said earlier, Bella is all smiles because she's got what she wanted - Edward and immortality. Yeah, it's great she has a daughter too, but like... hello, it's Edward and her and they have forever so why to bother with a child. It'll somehow work itself out. I will not ponder here on Edward being a father and how I see his relationship with Renesmee, however, I don't think it's pretty healthy either. Also, I need to add here, that Renesmee at least, has others (I mean other Cullens) who have probably more patience and time to actually raise a child. I think, and it's only a headcanon so take it easy, that Renesmee has excellent relationship with Rosalie. Rose will not treat her as adult - she'll prolong Renesmee's childhood as much as she's able to. She has time, patience, will and all love for her, so I think they're pretty close, and it would be a good, as well as a healthy relationship.

5. The older Renesmee will get, the more she'll be able to understand. Maybe the Cullens (and I hope it would turn out this way) would spare her this "being a premature adult" thing but her relationship with Bella will never be as close as she'd probably wish to. Sometimes, love isn't enough to keep up with the relationship and the shit that's going on around you constantly. One day, Renesmee will go to high school, then to university and then? Who the hell knows. She won't necessarily be with Bella. Sure, she'll be always her daughter, but she's not her property. At some point, Renesmee'll be mature enough to decide whether she wants to stay with her family, or travel, or join another coven. What I think, is that Bella won't be happy about it at all. Right now she has her fairy tale. She sacrificed nothing. She's living the life of her dreams with a man of her utmost desire. She has a child, even though vampires aren't suppose to have ones. What will happen if there will be a crack in her tale? Long, nasty cracks, throughout the wall. This is when I get to the point that Bella has no fucking clue what mess she got herself into (but that's for another post).

6. Holy Grail now. Lord, I'm always making this so long, this was supposed to be brief. Okay. So why do I think Renesmee will end up with the Volturi? A few reasons off the top of my head:

※ at some point Jacob will die and Charlie will die, and she'll now what's grief and how hard it is to go on. Yeah, yeah, I know that Jacob is also immortal right now, but he'll probably be killed while protecting Renesmee or Bella. I always think of their relationship as brother/sister because I cannot stand the imprinting shit Smeyer gave us. Also, I think I don't need to explain Charlie here. Renesmee will be devastated by both of these deaths and she'll have to come to terms with herself eventually. I guarantee you that she'll not be the same after that.

※ relationship with her parents. I briefly explained what I had on my mind when it comes to Bella. Renesmee loves her mother but that doesn't mean they'll have healthy and exemplary relationship. Sure, they can work on that, they have eternity but I think that at one point Renesmee will be fed up with the way how her mother is in love with eternity itself. Her relationship with Edward, as I said, is for another post, however I think with time it can get pretty hard. Could you live with the thought that your own father didn't want you? That he regretted that you exist at all? I don't think so. (Yeah, I'm simplifying, but I need to, so don't hate me for this).

※ Cullen coven can break or partially break. @therealvinelle talked about it here a little bit but that's also what I have in mind. Cullens are fairly young coven, with pretty unknown dynamics as we don't get to know them that much through saga (thanks Smeyer for not dwelling on it further). It isn't said anywhere that they'll last next century, not to think about more time passing.

※ she'll be fed up with constantly living with the humans. Imagine you need to constantly move, go to school/college and abide the rules that you didn't agree on in the first place. At first its great, Renesmee has time and reasources to flourish but she can also do that without anoyone else.

※ she has rampant hunger for knowledge. Where to find more books and more knowledge than in Volterra? Simple as it is.

※ she may not find vegetarian diet... sustainable for her. Remember how she was delighted when she drank first Bella's blood and than human blood in general? I think she can go on for some time on vegetarian diet plus/or human diet (if she was to attend i.e. med school which of course I think she would) but after some time, maybe a century, maybe less and maybe more, she'll eventually come to terms that she enjoyed drinking human blood. That's it. She's half vampire by descent. I don't think she'll be able to resist that much , also because everyone taught her from day one she could have what she asked for in a blink of an eye (remember Esme's spoons?).

AND most important (at least for me)

※ her worldview will completely change after a few/a lot of tragical experiences. Sorry, that's just common knowledge. Life is brutal, people are vicious and ruthless. She'll probably work or go somewhere, where she can see what humans are capable of (both in good and bad ways) and what one can do to achieve their goal. I think she'll go to Volturi to simply find comfort there. They've been alive for three thousand years. They can teach her things Cullen's aren't even aware of. Besides, I think it would be a great political move. We all know Aro wanted to know her so bad. If he would, she'll probably be able to influence him to some extent and spare her loved ones if it'd go that far. That's it! Of course, it's fucking long as hell. Sorry for that. Comment if you wish. I cannot wait if you think the same, similar or if you disagree completely! But no hate, please. Professionals have standards™.

[necros-writing-stuff]

Saw that abo you did where leighton is made to watch Eden wreck PC 👀 good stuff, good stuff. Going along with the thought that lil bitch leighton went to school with Eden and Bailey, and they bullied the shit outta him, perhaps could we get:

Eden and Bailey being told by the PC they share, crying their little eyes out, about leighton forcing all of the students to let him take nudes of them. That after they ran from the class room, he forced them to detention and spanked them.

Protective/possessive behavior is so fucking hot and those two ooze it (when bailey fucking wants to the twa-)

This is straight up me writing Leighton getting beat so Leighton hate gang come get y'all juice I guess

The school is quiet as Leighton steps out back to his car, students eager to disappear for the weekend. The end of term was approaching, leaving the man with stacks of paperwork that were rather stressful. Tedious, easy, but stressful.

What he least expects is seeing Bailey and Eden stood waiting for him - they both look as rugged as they always have. Bailey with his leaner muscles and tattoos, cigarette smoke rising as he takes a drag. Eden in his old, patched clothes, larger frame permanently adorned with a frown. It brings back uncomfortable memories of the two tormenting him in this very school.

"What do you two want?" Leighton pauses, clutching his work bag a little tight. Eden lives out in the woods like some feral animal now, why was he in town? Bailey could be here for an orphan, but the other? Strange.

The caretaker drops his cigarette, using the tip of his shoe to crush the bud. "You've been pushing you weight where we don't want it, Toad. Need a word."

Leighton flinches hearing the old nickname. Toad. Because he'd been so scared of getting beaten by these two he'd sweat when they were around, looking 'slimy'. But he was an adult now. So he stood composed, smoothing his expensive suit down and nodding.

"Very well. Please, my office," he keeps his voice calm and level. What could it be? As far as he's aware, everything has been business as usual? Eden glaring at the back of his head sure isn't helping. Dear God, are those more scars? What a brute.

Stepping into his office, he keeps the door open for the men to step through. Politeness, poise. Civility. This doesn't have to be like it used to be, Leighton ending up limping home, abdomen covered in bruises from their fists.

The door closes and Leighton's heart spikes because one of them grabs him from behind. It's Bailey, roughly pinning his arms and pulling on his neatly styled hair. Before he can yell out, Eden pulls back his fist, aiming straight for his gut and making him double over, air knocked form his lungs - and he's manhandled into his seat.

Struggle as hard as he wants, Leighton can't break free of their grips, can't stop regressing in his head to the scared little boy he used to be. Even as his arms are bound. He's sweating again, isn't he?

"Password," Bailey demands, crouching down so he can look up into panicked green eyes.

Leighton stutters it out, shame filling him at how easy he gave in. He was past this, he was an adult, a successful adult, and these two were still just horrible bullies that were here to ruin and torment him. It's not fair, it's not!

The tapping of a keyboard is interrupted with the crack of his jaw being hit with a large fist. Eden, again. The man hadn't said anything, and to be honest he hoped he stayed quiet. When the man did speak, it was mostly to deal threats that he had rarely lied about.

"Where do you keep your little photography collection? And you best give us all of them, or we'll strip you and tie you to the gate like we used to. Pretty sure I saw that Whitney kid smoking out there just now, think they'd like to have some fun time with dear old teacher?" Bailey's words make his blood freeze in his veins. Anything but that. Anything but letting Whitney have a way to abuse him

"... File called 'decorative ideas'," Leighton wheezes out, still trying to get his breath back from the punch. No one gave a shit about the decor of the school, no one would bother to check the real contents.

Bailey hums, clicking around until the file appears. As the computer whirrs, images of students in debauched positions, lewd poses and sometimes tearful faces load in. Eden swears when one set in particular loads.

"They weren't lying," the gruff man seethes, fists clenching in a way that makes Leighton nauseous. It was just that pretty one, the one with the good grades. The prudish one he'd had to blackmail to get those racy photos of them covered in suds washing his car.

The ones of you bent over his lap, ass red-raw were the best. You shouldn't have called him a dirty old pervert, should have just bent over and let him get a nice shot of your hole while you cleaned.

Bailey starts deleting the images, tutting as he clicks and drags. "You see, Toad, this one here is ours," he pauses on an image of you covering your naked body with your hands, refusing to look in the camera. Leighton wants to vomit. He knew you were an orphan, but so had plenty of the others. What would make you different? Unless-

Another punch, this time from the tattooed man, and there's no break in between as both men begin pummeling into his bound, helpless body. Pain blooms in his ribs, jaw, browbone - and there's a kidney shot in there, if he's not mistaken.

He hacks up a ball of spit, a little blood within the mix, attempting to suck in air. He can't breath, can't defend himself, can only take the onslaught. Can only start to numb as he remembers being used like this as a child. As their personal punching bag.

Bitterness wells up in his chest. He had thought he had changed in his maturity. Turns out he was wrong.

"Are those the only ones?" Eden grasps him by the hair, pulling his head back in a way that strains his neck.

It's hard to wheeze out the yes, but he is let go, flopping in his chair like a rag doll. Breathing, that's all he has to focus on. Deep one in, hold for a few seconds, and release. Stay calm. Don't piss yourself like you used to.

Eden starts rifling around the draws of his office as Bailey ensures the pictures are wiped from the computer, a little slow and clumsy. Stupid fuck barely even knows how to use modern technology, it seems, but he knows enough to find the proper way to get rid of it all.

Eden returns with his camera. His expensive, lovely camera, placing it on the desk before getting a hammer from his inside pocket.

"N-no!" Leighton yells out in vain as the hammer smashes down, mangling the expensive equipment. Eden doesn't stop at one, continuously wrecking the device with a personal vendetta. Even the memory card within was shattered.

When he's done, the hunter turns back towards the headmaster, still bound to his own chair. He's not gentle as he lifts his chin with the claw of the hammer.

"You even look at them again and we'll come back and I'll shove this in your fucking eye socket, do you understand?"

Leighton nods, determined to keep eye contact as he does so. He has cowered enough, he could try to save some face now by not begging or crying.

The binds start coming loose, but Leighton can't move. Can only wilt, mind beginning to disassociate. He thinks he hears the two men moving to the door. Thinks he hears the caretaker calk back "Later, Toad," before the door slams shut.

The clock on his wall is unreasonably loud, now he's alone.

[dylanobrienisbatman]

I hate when fans say alina ended up as a housewife to mal .. its just not true.. she and mal both run the orphanage , how is that like a housewife .

It's because Alina owning and running a pretty large school for lotsof children doesn't fit with their whole 'it's anti-feminist for her to not turn evil and go be with Darkles Sparkles' narrative. Her being an empowered, competent adult who chose to rebuild her childhood home into a place that could be a real home for kids like her, helping the children of Ravka and doing good in the world, with Mal by her side, isn't as good of a narrative for them to spout when they try to complain that she didn't kill Mal, take all the power, and then go dark and evil with her abuser.

She owns and runs an entire orphanage. She does. Nikolai gives HER the money to buy it. And then she basically turned into a boarding school of sorts, for tons of children in need. Children who are like her and Mal. Children who she now protects, and loves, and cares for, and has worked hard to build a place to give them a better life. There is no depiction of her as anything less than a total boss, and a kind, caring, and strong character in the epilogue.

In fact, Mal is the one who is depicted as waiting on her, bringing her tea and cakes and flowers, doting on her, taking care of her.

What I'm saying, is Mal is the housewife here. I take no criticism. the Girlboss/Malewife endgame we deserved.

(but also... if she HAD been a housewife, and that had been what she had chosen to be, why are y'all so pressed about that? what kinda false feminism is that? y'all got a problem with housewives and stay at home moms? that's MY mother you're shit-talking. meet me outside.)

[mellometal]

Is it time to tear ANOTHER Dhar Mann video to shreds? YOU BET.

I've been sitting on this one for a bit because I wanted to make sure I talk about this tactfully. The subject of parents abandoning their disabled children is a very touchy one.

Parents abandoning their disabled children simply for being disabled is way too common. Like, I understand that not everyone has the resources to care for a disabled child (which is why you reach out for help, and why people like me, who work with disabled people, exist), but it doesn't mean you just walk out of their life. There are exceptions, like if you truly didn't want children or something like that, but just flat-out walking out of your kid's life BECAUSE they're disabled is fucked up.

I know someone personally whose biological mother abandoned her when she was born. Why? Because she's disabled. Physically, and mentally, to a point. I work with this woman on a daily basis. I don't really know WHY exactly her biological mother abandoned her, but I do know that her being disabled was part of it. It's sad. It doesn't affect her, thankfully. I'm happy that she's got her biological dad, her brother, and another maternal figure in her life, at least.

ANYWAYS. Before we get to the topic at hand, I need to put an obligatory trigger warning, like I do with EVERY Dhar Mann post:

This post will be talking about parents abandoning their disabled children simply for being disabled, treating disabilities like they're tragedies (in this case, we're talking about autism...again), divorce, and some SPICY ableist bullshit from an allistic (nonautistic) PIECE OF SHIT.

If any of this triggers you or makes you uncomfortable in any way, you don't have to read this post. This isn't worth putting yourself in a bad state mentally. I would never ask for any of you to put yourselves in that position all for a post. Put your mental health and well-being first. Consume media that sparks joy for you.

As far as my response goes, it's definitely more calm than normal. Funny....since this video is about autism spectrum disorder again. (Third time's the charm, huh, Dhar Mann? NOT.)

LET'S FUCKING GET IT.

The video starts off with these two parents (Gwen and Allen) in a psychologist's office. The psychologist tells the parents that their son (Chance) is autistic, and she tries to explain what autism is to the parents, but Allen cuts her off. Why? Because he teaches at a prestigious university, so he AUTOMATICALLY knows what autism is from that fact alone.

Um, excuse me? Just because you're a teacher at a prestigious university, it doesn't mean you're an expert in everything. It doesn't make you an expert in ASD or anything like that. Unless you SPECIALIZE in that area. Even then, shut the fuck up. The people who know about being autistic are AUTISTIC PEOPLE THEMSELVES! SHOCKER.

Hey, Dhar Mann! QUIT WITH THE VIDEOS ABOUT AUTISTIC LITTLE WHITE BOYS AND YOUNG WHITE AUTISTIC CISHET MEN! I'M SICK AND TIRED OF IT. It's annoying, ignorant, and it feels like you're doing this on purpose at this point to piss people off. If you're so uninformed about autism in women and girls, FUCKING ASK AUTISTIC WOMEN AND GIRLS! DO BETTER RESEARCH THAT DOESN'T INVOLVE AUTISM SPEAKS. The Autism Self Advocacy Network (ASAN) and the Autistic Women and Nonbinary People Network (AWN) are great organizations to go to for any kind of research on ASD in women and girls. STOP GOING OFF OF THE BRAINS OF AUTISTIC WHITE BOYS AND AUTISTIC WHITE MEN.

I don't feel I need to go too deep into the fact that autistic women, autistic girls, autistic nonbinary people, autistic BIPOC, autistic AAPI, autistic LGBT people, autistic teenagers, and autistic adults exist. Y'all already know.

Gwen asks the psychologist if that means Chance isn't healthy. (I understand not knowing about autism, but don't treat it like it's a terminal illness. Please.) The psychologist tells her that Chance is fine, but he just learns differently and might need more support compared to his peers.

Yeah, autism can affect how you learn about certain things (limited and repetitive patterns), but there are other disabilities that can affect learning as well. Like how dyslexia can affect your ability to read, dyspraxia can affect your ability to do math, and Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) can affect your ability to focus or on impulse control. Autism affects how your brain is developed, it affects you socially, behaviorally, and how you communicate.

Allen is upset, says that he can't have a son "with a learning disability" (ASD is a neurological disability, not necessarily a learning disability), and treats Chance like he's stupid for being autistic. Gwen tells her husband that autism doesn't make you any less intelligent, WHICH IS SO FUCKING TRUE. ABSOLUTE FACTS. I was totally with her until she began that little monologue with "Just because a person HAS autism". SAY "JUST BECAUSE A PERSON'S AUTISTIC" INSTEAD! IT'S NOT HARD. PERSON FIRST LANGUAGE ISN'T WHAT EVERY DISABLED PERSON PREFERS. Allen says that "they could have another kid" and "put Chance up for adoption". Gwen obviously wasn't down with that. Allen gives his wife an ultimatum that it's either HIM or their son Chance. Gwen says that she can't choose between the two, but she will stand by her autistic son. Allen gets up and leaves the office, saying he wants a divorce.

Years pass by, Gwen is single and taking care of her autistic son Chance, and Allen has a new life with a ✨perfect son✨ (Samuel). He never mentions the son HE abandoned (Chance). He's completely forgotten about Gwen and Chance. (YOU OWE SO MUCH CHILD SUPPORT, ALLEN.)

Hey, Allen, how much do you wanna bet that your ✨perfect son✨ Samuel is autistic too?

There's the SATs, they're announcing a winner, and guess who it is? IT'S OBVIOUSLY CHANCE, OF COURSE. He's got the highest score in the country, with Samuel in second place. Allen is PISSED.

Chance gives a speech about how his mom really helped him, he struggled with autism, how Allen LITERALLY ABANDONED HIM, and THE CROWD GOES FUCKING WILD. Samuel, instead of being a sore loser, APPLAUDS FOR CHANCE. Stay humble, Sam.

My thoughts on the video? If you cannot tell by my tone throughout this post, IT WAS DOG SHIT. This video was insensitive to the true reality of parents abandoning their disabled children just because they're disabled. What do I expect from Dhar Mann at this point?

Here's my response to his video below. Don't worry, I will fully type out my response soon for anyone who cannot read the screenshots easily. It's a lot easier for me to do that on the desktop site than it is for me to do it on my phone.

For anyone who can’t read my response, I’m typing it out for you. Like I said, it’s easier for me to type it out on the desktop site than it is for me to type it out on my phone. It’s a real royal pain in the ass. But because I’m trying to make my posts easier to read for people, I’m doing this anyway. /lighthearted

First, second, and third screenshots (broken up into paragraphs):

Hey, listen, I appreciate the message you’re trying to go for, but can you please stop putting autistic people into a box? Can you stop treating being autistic like it’s a tragedy? Not every single autistic person is a little white boy in elementary school who’s considered “wild and unruly” or “super quiet and makes no friends”, nor are they a young white cishet man who’s a super genius or is how Chris Chan was before she came out as trans. (For anyone who doesn’t know about Chris Chan, there are many documentaries people have made on YouTube, and I highly recommend Geno Samuel’s docuseries, if you’re really interested in learning about Chris Chan.)

Autistic women, girls, nonbinary people, BIPOC, APPI, LGBT people, teenagers, and adults all exist too. 

It’s very apparent now that you get your resources from Autism $peaks, a hate group that spends the vast majority of their money on funding eugenics instead of helping autistic people like they claim, claims that only little white boys and young white cishet men are autistic and ignores all other autistic people who don’t fit that description, have no autistic people on their leader board or on any board for that matter, have members who have actually fantasized about k1lling their autistic children, treat autism like it’s a tragedy or a disease someone can catch (completely false), act like autism should be cured (there is no cure, and ABA therapy is a total shit show in itself), and treats autistic people like they’re broken and need to be fixed. Also, not every autistic person is a Super Genius(tm). That’s so demeaning to autistic people who aren’t seen as intelligent in any way. I’m autistic and seen as smart; however, there are subjects I’m stronger in than others.

If you can’t handle the possibility of having autistic children, or just disabled children in general, DON’T HAVE CHILDREN. If you can’t handle working with or alongside disabled people, including autistic people, maybe find a different profession. Even if you do that, you’ll never get away from disabled people. Disabled people aren’t a disease. We’re human beings just like neurotypical and able-bodied people.

Fourth and fifth screenshots (broken up into paragraphs): 

I would highly suggest getting resources from reputable organizations for ASD, such as the Autism Self Advocacy Network (ASAN) and the Autistic Women and Nonbinary People Network (AWN). Talk to any autistic person who isn’t a little white boy or a young white cishet man. 

Instead of using the puzzle piece, which is a symbol that many autistic people, myself included, are offended by (because of Autism $peaks and other organizations before them using it, plus it symbolizes that only autistic children exist and that we’re “missing a piece” like we’re broken), use the rainbow infinity sign (for all neurodivergent people) or the red and gold infinity sign (just for autistic people). Instead of “lighting it up blue”, light it up red or gold. Do both if you want. 

I’m actually really sick and tired of seeing just autistic little white boys and young autistic white cishet men being represented in the media, and y’all manage to fuck that up too. 

Before anyone mentions Sia’s movie “Music”, that’s also very poor representation of autistic girls. Besides, the actress who played the autistic girl isn’t even autistic. She MOCKED autistic people. I know she’s a kid, but that’s still super fucked up. I hope she’s able to turn that around. 

If anyone would like to discuss this topic with me or ask any questions, feel free to. I’ll answer as best as I can. Thank you and have a good night.

Before I get attacked for mentioning Chris Chan in my response, I bring up Chris Chan because allistic people think that every autistic person is like her (especially before she came out as trans). That person is part of why I wasn't open about being autistic or talking about my diagnosis until this year. I didn't want to be grouped up with Chris Chan because I do have very similar interests to her, I've been seen as cringey for having said interests, and just the way Chris treated autistic people who were formerly diagnosed with A$p3rg3r$ $yndr0m3 (like I was) really made me feel even more alienated.

Also, S1a supports A$ (Autism $p3aks). She's not a very good person to support. Some of her music is good, but her as a person....no. Her movie "Music" was gross, from what I've read about it and seen pictures of.

If you've read this far, thank you so much!

[ye4gerismarchives]

the bachelorette chp 4, part 3: visiting jean’s mom

an: so, i decided i'd write the elimination in a separate chapter, one, just to mess with y'all and two, to give you time. i honestly think picking one of these three guys is really hard. obviously, i know who i want to win, but i look at the two other guys and i'm like 'oh, they would be good too!'. i like pulling at your heartstrings ;). i'll probably put together another q&a (depending on the numbers of questions i get) and once i do that, i'll wait for a day and then close the poll to start writing! anyways, let me stop sharing my thought process with yall and start your date with jean. link at the bottom!

tags: black, fem reader

tag list: @taybird

Bertholdt drove you back to the mansion and you texted Connie asking him to prepare something for you, Bertholdt. Jean and Connie to eat. And maybe a lil something for that brat Levi. Connie responded with an 'ok' and a smiley face.

The car ride home was silent. You felt awful for Bertholdt. You wondered how many silent post-hospital drives he's been through.

Once you got home, Bertholdt told you he wasn't very hungry and just wanted to lay down. You wanted to argue with him but Bertholdt needed space. You wish him good night before making your way to the kitchen.

Connie and Jean were chatting it up in the kitchen once you walked in. Connie was the one to announce your entrance. "Hey, y/n," he greets. Jean then turns around. "Hey, y/n. How is Bert holding up? I understand that visit was really hard."

"Thank you for asking, Jean. Bertie...well...he's just being human. His dad...it's really bad," you reply. You take a seat by Jean at the kitchen island. "The fact that he's been holding in for a while...it's crazy. I would have never thought he was in that situation. No wonder he was so stressed after that Porco got angry with him," Jean says. You raise an eyebrow at Jean. "Oh...after Porco got angry with him about you, Bert seemed sadder and more introverted than usual. He only really confided in Reiner, though," Jean explained.

"Ah, that makes sense. Poor Bertie."

Connie had made some garlic bread with ava ado toast and egg. You didn't expect that out of him but you all enjoyed it. You felt tired, so you told the guys you were ready to lay down. They wished you good night before diving into a conversation about...y'all i don't even know what men talk about 😐

The next morning, you woke up at the same time as you did for Connie's visit. Your final visit would be Jean's mom. She also lived far away from the mansion but Jean insisted that you could take your time. She would still be at her home. No nurses to rush you out or kids bugging their parents. You hoped this visit would be as peaceful as it sounded.

You were very hungry though. You didn't realize it last night about the whole Bertholdt thing and you only had those little stupid avocado things that Connie made. It was good but didn't feel you up. You decided you would take a bath and get ready for your visit later.

You crept downstairs, hoping not to wake anyone up. You didn't want Levi questioning you and you didn't want to stop and talk to the boys because you would probably have a day-long conversation and if that conversation was with Jean, you probably wouldn't see his mom.

You made a few turns and found yourself in the kitchen. And you weren't alone. Jean was leaning on the kitchen counter, sipping on some coffee that he had made. His eyebrows widened at your presence.

"Good morning," he greeted, "I didn't expect you to be up right now."

"Oh, I'm just hungry right now. Didn't eat much yesterday," you say. Jean places his coffee down on the table. "Would you like me to make you something?"

You were about to say yes but a greater idea came into mind. "Why don't we make something together? It would be fun and give you bonus points..." You wiggle your eyebrows when you say that last part. Jean let out a laugh. "Well, you're hungry and I can't let you starve. Us working together will make things faster...and those 'bonus points' would help a lot."

You walk towards Jean and his eyes remain on you. You find yourself wrapping his arms around his waist. It was just on-demand. Jean pulls you close and kisses your forehead. "What do you wanna make?"You think for a minute. "You know how to make (meal of your choice)?"

Whether Jean says yes or no is up to you. However, Jean is really good at following directions. If you need something, he'll get it. If you needed him to watch something, he watches it with intensity.

After a few minutes, the meal was ready and you both sat by the kitchen island and dug in. "I hope Connie doesn't wake up and butt into our breakfast," you joke. Jean let out a small laugh. "Connie's really nice. He hasn't shown me or anyone else any hostility during our time here."

"If you could say...who did you think was the worst person here?" you ask. Jean doesn't even have to wait to answer. "I'd have to Floch. Confidence is key but Floch just got disrespectful about it. Talking about how we should all go home and let him have you. And he was only here one night and everyone already had a bad vibe about him."

Your heart panged at that answer. "Thank you for telling me. I know everyone likes drama but Floch sounds...dangerous. I don't know what would have happened if he stayed." "Yeah, of course. Sorry if that made you uncomfortable," Jean said sheepishly. The discomfort must have been visible on your face. "No, don't apologize. I asked."

You continued to eat your breakfast and chat and hear about Jean's experience in the mansion so far.

After breakfast, you and Jean got ready for the day and finally decided to head out. Jean was starting his car when you decided to ask another question.

"I've never heard you talk about your dad. I've heard bits about your mom and you've mentioned her to the other guys but I never hear about your father. He isn't dead right? Is he sick? Like Bertholdt's?"

Jean is silent for a minute. "Oh...I don't really like talking about my dad, but you would have to know at some point."

"Oh, Jean...you don't have to. Don't worry about it."

He shakes his head. "It's fine. We were going to have this conversation pretty soon, so it doesn't matter."

Jean starts moving the car and when he's out on the road, he begins to talk.

"My dad has never been in my life. At this point, I don't know if he's dead or not. Sometimes I feel like he isn't my father. We did talk like once or twice when I was a kid and I was actually desperate to see him. But once I reached high school and started preparing for my adult life, I realized he wasn't worth it anymore. If my dad really wanted to be there for me, he would have reached out more often and let me know that things were hard on his end. I know everything I'm saying is being recorded and broadcasted, so if he ever sees me on TV, he can always hit me up. I just won't be naïve and stupid like I was the last time."

You immediately jump in after that last line. "Hey. You weren't naïve or stupid. He was stupid. You were a kid waiting on his dad. You had every right to wait for him, so don't insult yourself over him."

Deep down inside, you weren't sure if you wanted to meet Jean's dad...if he was alive. Jean didn't seem comfortable talking about him at all, so you shouldn't expect any visits or calls from that man. If you were to have kids and he popped up, that'd be hard to deal with. It would probably break Jean's heart to learn that his father would want to see his grandkids before even meeting the guy who helped make them.

Jean doesn't respond to what you said. Again, this was hard for him and he didn't even want to bring his father up in the first place, so you weren't upset.

You end up falling asleep in the car. Hours later, you wake up and Jean is parked in front of a bakery. He's on the phone. "Yeah, ma, we're here. Right in front of it, she's sleeping but we'll head inside....I miss you too...alright then, bye."

Jean hangs up and places the phone down. He jumps slightly when he realizes you're awake. "H-hey. I thought you were sleeping."

"Well, I was. Your mom is ready to see us?" You ask. "Yeah. She owns this bakery and decided to close completely today to meet you. I asked her if we could meet at home but she insisted that her bakery would be best. She's really proud of it," Jean explains. "Are we going to bake something?"

Jean laughs and shakes his head no. "Oh, no. My mom won't let you do any work in there, since you're a special guest. She put some things together if you want to eat something."

You imagined Jean's mother as someone who prioritized her future-in-law over her own son sometimes. It sounds overbearing but you thought this was a good thing. You wouldn't want an evil mother or father-in-law. If Jean were to cheat on you or hurt you, you knew she'd probably be on your side or hear both sides instead of immediately siding with her son.

You also wanted to assume that she was tough on Jean. Considering that she raised him herself, she had to do other things like work. To give herself some peace, she probably had a no-nonsense household- maybe why Jean was more like a puppy and wasn't as scandalous as the eliminated.

Jean got out of the car and helped you out. He didn't take your hand when directing you to the bakery but opened the door for you. Inside was a short, older woman, standing there with her hands clasped. The minute you stepped in, her excitement exploded. "Hi! Welcome! It's finally nice to meet you," she says. The older woman squeezes and you can't help but let out a chuckle...or a wheeze. "H-hey, mom. Maybe you should let her go," Jean steps in nervously. Jean's mom slowly lets go. "I'm sorry! I just got excited. Are you hungry?"

You shake your head. "No, Mrs. Kirstein. Jean actually helped me put together breakfast."

"Good, good. I'm glad he's being useful! And call me June. Come, sit, sit."

Jean's mom takes your hand and leads you to a small table and pulls open a chair for you. Jean quietly pulls a chair up by you. You start to worry about him because all the attention is on you, rather than the both of you.

"Can I get you something to drink?" June asks. "Some water would be nice," you answer. Your eye catches Jean's hand. You place your own on his and you feel him jump slightly. "Jean, would you like something too?"

"I-I'll take water too," Jean croaks. "Well, Jean, I'm sure you can serve yourself. I'm getting old, you know. Make sure you get a glass for y/n too."

Jean looks ready to argue back but he keeps his lips zipped. He carefully removes your hand from

his, gets up, and heads over to the back of the bakery.

You watch Jean do all of this and then finally turn away so that you can give June all your attention. "Please tell me he's been good to you," she starts. You weren't expecting this question but considers why she's asking. "Yes, Jean is...amazing. He's always coming to my defense. Which I shouldn't be surprised by, he is a lawyer."

June sighs in relief. "I hope he stays that way. He told you...about our situation right?" You nod. "It's unfortunate that his father did that to the both of you. If Jean does get married to me, I hope he doesn't pop out of anywhere. Jean's a good guy but I'm not too sure how he'll react to something like that." June let's our a small hum.

"Have you been watching the show?" you ask. "A little. I work, so it's hard to catch up on what's going on. Sometimes I'll read articles and Jean will text me to let me know if he didn't get eliminated. I was a little concerned about him doing the show because nothing is guaranteed."

"Hm...is he cocky about this whole thing? Does he really think he can get me?"

June thinks for a moment. "I can't say cocky but there's nothing wrong with a little confidence. Jean is handsome, he has a good job, he's smart- and he knows that. He believed those would be good reasons for you to like him. But...he does get bashful sometimes. He doesn't want all the attention on him and for people to view him in the wrong way. The fact that he had a mirror in his pocket on the first night was interesting to me. He's never done anything like that before."

You open your mouth but Jean enters once more. He places three water bottles on the table. "Sorry for taking too long. Ma, I'll replace the waters. Don't worry about it," he says. June shakes her head. "Don't worry about it, Jean. We have plenty of water."

"So, have you two discussed wedding plans? Anything for the future?" June suddenly asks. You look at Jean, who looks like his stomach was doing the chacha slide or sum. "M-mom-!"

"Well, we haven't reached that point because we don't know if he's staying or not but I'd like a really elegant wedding. I know we'll have a live-streamed wedding but I'd like to have a private wedding too. That would be nice right?" you cut in. Jean nods in agreement.

"What about kids? I read somewhere that you wanted a family," you tease. Jean's face reddened. "W-well...um...yeah...two would be nice. A girl and b-boy maybe?"

"See? We have a plan," you say with a wide smile. You could imagine Jean as a cautious dad but he still knew how to have fun with his kids. After long days at work, he'd cuddle with them and put them to sleep for you. When the kids are asleep, he'll check on you and make sure you had something to eat. He'd probably make sure to schedule regular date nights and family vacations. He'll have photos of you and the kids and maybe a few bandages in a wallet. Obviously, you would both be in the public eye once in a while but he would make things feel normal.

"I think you two would have beautiful kids. I do hope Jean gets picked. But your two other guys are good too. Bertholdt is absolutely adorable and Connie seems like he knows what he's doing. I don't know how you're ever going to choose. I can't imagine being your situation," June says.

"Wow, thanks for having my back mom," Jean says jokingly. "But if not me, pick Connie. He's a good person."

"Oh, Jean, don't do that to yourself. You're lovely." You cup his cheek and his reddened face returns.

Jean's mom starts talking about Jean when he was a kid- how he was such a big softie and a great helper,  how he was popular in high school but still to himself, and all the girlfriends and boyfriends that she didn't like.

It was getting late. Jean's mom offered you her home but Jean stopped her before she could ask. You didn't question why he didn't want to stay at her home but still wondered why. You said your goodbyes, watched her lock the bakery, and drive off. Jean helps you into his car and gets into the drivers' seat.

"You know why she wanted to you go home with her?" he asks.

You shake your head no. "There's only one bed. A twin size bed," Jean says as he starts the car. You let out a chuckle. "Connie's parents tried that with us except Connie had a bigger bed."

Jean looks over at you. "Oh...I should have probably taken her offer."

"Connie and I didn't do anything that night...maybe you could give me a sample of what you can do. It'll help me decide."

Jean didn't hesitate to lean over and cup your cheek. He went in first. Jean was gentle and careful with your lips. You soon gave in and wrapped a hand on his wrist. When things started to get hot, you pulled away. "Didn't expect you to be that gentle...You really want me, huh?"

"Yeah," Jean says scratching his neck. "You're pretty rough... you have experience?"

Whether you say yes or no is up to you.

Jean smiles at your answer and starts driving. You try to fall asleep but it's so hard. All you can see is Bertholdt, Connie, and Jean at the next elimination. You wished Eren or Onyankopon did stupid stuff later on and were a part of the final three so that this could be easier.

Hours later, Jean reaches the mansion. He thinks you're still asleep. He doesn't want to wake you up. So what does he do? Jean opens the passenger door and scoops you up in his arms. Your heart jumps. You hope it's dark enough outside so that he can't see the small smile you're trying not to crack.

It doesn't Jean long to get to the door and ring the doorbell. He must be really strong. The door opens and he's greeted by Connie.

"You need help with that man?"

"Um...no...I think I'll get her up there. But you could get her purse from my car though. She'll probably wonder where that is."

Connie probably gave him a non-verbal response since there was just silence after that. Jean got you up the stairs and struggled with your bedroom door but he got in within ten minutes. Jean turns on your lights, places you on the bed, and removes your shoes. He steps away but you hear ripping sounds proceeding by scribbling. You can hear Jean turning off your lights and closing the door behind him as he leaves. Your eyes flick open and you wait a few moments. You turn on the light on your bed stand to see the note Jean wrote you.

'Wasn't sure what to do with your clothes. It's not my place to decide that- at least not yet. But I hope you slept comfortably.'

You smile softly at the note. It was definitely something he would say.

i use YOUR opinions to not only put together dates but to put together personalities. if y’all say you hate bertholdt, i’ll work my magic to mess with y’all :) anyways here’s the link! ask good questions. this is the last time you’ll see bertholdt, jean, OR connie. vote and ask wisely

[hetalia-headcanons-and-scenarios]

General headcanons: Axis

Hiii, this is my first post :-)). I'll be posting my general headcanons for the main characters (so allies and axis), if y'all want for some other characters I'll do it no problem. In my headcanons I'll put mainly, sexuality, age, professions (or in some cases if they are students), and random headcanons as in to fit in some sort of human au, it is mainly for me to use as a referent while writing.

I'm sorry if some characters sound too out of themselves I'll try to do my best.

(also even if I assign sexualities don't take them too much into account, as I can mold them for different scenarios)

Germany - Ludwig Beilschmidt:

- totally a gym gay. I feel like I don't need to explain myself for this one.

- the general rule is for him to be 19, but honestly I kind of see him as a little bit older, like 23 or smth

- fresh out of uni, works at his father's company, and is in training to take his place

- really closeted, mostly for himself... like he doesn't know anything about himself, he is totally clueless

- everyone else he is close to tho, they know.

- really shy, which manifests in him being very socially clumsy and awkward

- hard worker and a great leader even with his shyness he manages to be very good as a leader

- he just hates any other social interaction

- most of his dogs are adopted and he takes pride in it

- lives alone, he could live with his parents, but he hates to be dependent so he decided to move out as soon as he could

- visits them a lot, because he loves his parents

- grandpa's favorite

- volunteers at a dog shelter

- virgin

Italy - Feliciano Vargas:

- bi, with a very strong woman preference

- 21 years old, last year of university

- finishing his last year as a fine arts major

- his mother is very famous in the art world so he has almost a place guaranteed in that world

- mama's boy and proud

- very passive in life, he just wants to enjoy the moment and not think about the future

- surprisingly he doesn't like coffee unless it's with a lot of creams and milk (like those who barely look like they have any coffee)

- party boy, but he is very classy and only goes to fancy-ass parties

- daddy's money helps him live his life

- cat person

- extremely flirty bisexual stereotype

- a bit of a fake bitch, if he doesn't like you you won't know, ut he'll be roasting you to his brother all the time

Japan - Kiku Honda:

- biromantic ace

- 26 years old

- he is a famous mangaka, but nobody really knows who he is

- very private about his life and reclusive

- very polite and kind, even with people he doesn't like

- goes out quite often, he just doesn't go where the people are

- enjoys walks in the forest and rainy days

- he prefers traditional art over digital art

- watches a lot of anime

- doesn't know how to talk to women

- extremely shy and quiet

- doesn't like noise

- he hates the idea of sex and feels extremely dirty thinking about it

- like he doesn't even enjoy porn or hentai

- he does crave a romantic relationship but he finds it very difficult to find a partner

- has a lot of self-esteem issues

South Italy - Lovino Vargas

- straight bastard

- 23 years old

- he is the inheritor of his family business, but he is for the moment unemployed and enjoying life as a rich bitch

- he is pretty lazy and is used to have things go his way

- but he also has a complex because his brother is the favorite child

- gets away with too much, like how does he even do it?

- is addicted to coffee

- loves women and hates men, nobody knows why, he's been like that ever since he was a baby

- art collector

- has tried to be an actor, but it didn't work

- that made him feel worse about everything

- also a party boy, any party is a good party for Lovino

- he is not fake like Feliciano, he'll talk badly about you in front of you and with his brother

- they have kind of a weird relationship even though they keep in touch

- isn't scared of physical fights (he will fight you, careful)

- has a tiny dog

- thinks that cats are mean

Spain - Antonio Carriedo

- gay. himbo

- 27 years old

- primary school teacher

- all the little girls (and boys) have a crush on him

- as well as some of the teaching staff

- he is just a nice and attractive man

- respects women and is an advocate for feminism (even if he doesn't understand everything about it)

- loves children and wants to be a dad (even a stay at home dad)

- isn't the brightest man alive but he tries

- extremely outgoing

- has friends almost everywhere he goes

- enjoys the little things in life

- it is rare to see him angry, but those who have rarely speak about it

- has some boundaries problems

- he is the nicest person you'll probably know

- easy to trick because he has a lot of faith in people

Prussia - Gilbert Beilschmidt

- bisexual

- 27 years old

- currently unemployed due to health problems

- sickly child, and sickly adult

- he has low defenses and as a kid already knew about it

- still, he is very cool and nice

- has a high self-esteem

- mama's boy

- extremely outgoing and a party boy

- even if he is living in the shadow of his younger brother he is still a very good big brother to Ludwig

- sincere

- runs a meme page

- he also is considering starting a gaming channel

- has some commitment issues due to knowing he is going to die young

- so he has had a lot of relationships that have lasted two weeks or less

- he isn't scared of going out of his comfort zone

- he fights a lot with people online

- he loves being right and is a bit headstrong

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #368

“whatever doesn’t kill you, is gonna leave a scar”

Have you ever bought a YouTuber’s merch? My favorite shirt is the Day of the Dead design by Cloak, which is Markiplier's and jacksepticeye's clothing brand. Mom's friend/former co-worker also got me a Ninja Sex Party shirt because she knew I liked them. There are SO MANY YouTubers I wanna support by buying shirts. Do you think oatmeal tastes better when made with water or milk? Milk, 110%. Have you ever left a note in a library book? No. What time of day do you prefer to wash your hair? Morning. Has anyone ever spread lies about you? Yes. Have you ever taken a photograph with a celebrity? If so, did it turn out the way you wanted, or do you wish you could retake it? No. If you could move out of your home country permanently, would you? If so, where would you go? If it didn't mean being so very far from my family, I would love to move to Canada. Is there a celebrity that everyone else seems to love, but you find totally overrated? Why is it that you don’t like them? I legit don't know who's considered currently popular, and I especially don't know who they are as people. If you could volunteer for any charity, which one would you choose? Do you think it’s more important to help humans, or are animal and environmental charities equally important? Something relating to animals, and I think they're both equally important. Do you prefer holidays where you relax, or actually do things? I like a mix. Something chill, but you still do some stuff as a family. Do you think that after we die our spirit is still alive? Yes. Has anybody ever told you that you could be a model? Someone has mistaken me for a model in a picture I once took. It was one of the most flattering things I've ever heard, haha. Do you use different kinds of moisturizer for different body parts? ie. hand lotion for your hands, face cream for your face. Or do you just use one moisturizer for all body parts? Yes. Have you ever felt like you were someone’s rebound? No. Has anybody ever broken up with you over something really pathetic? What was it? Have you ever been dumped in a disrespectful way? (eg. through text, through a friend..) I have 100% been dumped in a very cowardly and disrespectful way; after dating Jason for nearly four years and being very serious, he broke up with me very abruptly over Facebook Messenger. His reason was valid, but at the same time, he NEVER talked to me about it. Apparently my depression was dragging him down. If he'd fucking communicated it, I would have explored new treatment options so goddamn fast. But no, he decided to snap his fingers and disappear. That's exactly WHY it was so traumatic, I think: it was so unexpected and sudden. Did you have a lot of role models as a kid? Animal enthusiasts like Steve Irwin and Jeff Corwin for sure. Do you feel like anyone looks up to you? Why or why not? God no. I'm just... not someone to aspire to be like. What was the last thing you found offensive? I'm not sure. Who is the nicest person you know? My mom. Do you feel safe in your country? I feel safe in NC, rather. Like I don't expect an atom bomb or terrorist attack or something in this obscure area. In the U.S.A. itself, sometimes I do, sometimes I don't. America is definitely not loved by every other country. Do you feel safe where you live? Not in this city, no. Have you been falsely diagnosed with something by a bad doctor? Yup. Did y'all know I apparently have ADHD? I know, shocking. Have you ever had a doctor refuse to treat you? No. Name the strangest game you’ve ever played (video game or real game): The first Silent Hill, probably. It took a lot of reading to get it. Do you know anyone who has been struck by lightning before? No. Which cartoon character would you want to keep as a pet? Does Stitch count? Or a Pokemon. Do you like marshmallows? Yes. What is your favorite flavor of candy cane? I really like the Jolly Rancher candy canes, I think they are? Have you ever fostered an animal? No. Do you still take hot showers when it’s hot out? Not as hot, but not cold except on very extreme occasions. When writing $ sign, do you draw one line through the S or two? Two. What animal have you always wanted as a pet but couldn’t have? I'm thankful that my parents were pretty open-minded to what pets I really wanted, but one I was never allowed to have was a ferret because of how messy and smelly they are. List three people you’ve had crushes on: Jason, Sara, and Sebastian were probably my biggest crushes. Have you ever thrown up from cramps? No, but god have I felt close. List three people you had a hard time forgiving. Jason, Colleen, and my dad. Who is the most spiritual person you know? Probably my sister's mother-in-law. Would you ever start a vlog? God no, I'd bore people to tears. Are your dreams coming true yet? I mean, I guess in some ways with my mental health. In my deepest depression, what I have now was a dream, even though current me is very discontent with it. Most of my dreams, though? No. Do you struggle with depression? I've been diagnosed with severe depression since 7th grade. Are you haunted by your past? A few things won't leave me alone. What medical conditions do you have? Just a lot. There are even more that are up for debate. I've talked about my diagnosed conditions enough. Do you use a Magic Bullet? No. What does your apron look like? I don’t have one. What are your favorite spicy foods? Hot Cheetos, Takis, hot wings, jalapeno pizza... Man, I love spicy food. Which do you like better: being an adult or being a kid? Being a kid. Were you excited to be a teenager on your thirteenth birthday? I had very mixed feelings. Did you feel insecure in high school? Shit, I still do. Would you ever be friends with someone who was suicidal? What the FUCK is this question? No fucking shit I would be. Someone being suicidal in no way affects who they are as a person. Who was the biggest bully in high school? I don't think there really was one. What was your favorite class in high school? Art. Would you rather have a daughter or a son? If I wanted kids, a daughter. Have you ever written to an advice columnist? No. Have you ever had a doctor not believe what you told him? Maybe? I did however have an employee at the ER the first time I went try to pry out of me that my self-mutilation was for attention, and it wasn't until I insisted about a dozen times that it wasn't that he believed me. It's odd looking back that I got REALLY attached to him during that stay, knowing now that it was absolutely horrible and extremely unhelpful for him to do that. If you’re female, would you feel uncomfortable having a male gynecologist? I would absolutely refuse to have a male one. Do you like Lisa Frank? Yeah, like can you talk about aesthetic. What gives you nightmares? Boy, I wish I could tell you, given how much I have them. Were you ever hospitalized as a child? No. Did you get senior pictures taken? No. What color is your bicycle? I don’t have one. Did you ever have to take home a fake baby in health class? No, thank fuck. Would you rather wear ivory or white on your wedding day? What color will your bridesmaids wear? I'd rather wear black. I think red will be the bridesmaids' color. Would you rather have a swimming pool or trampoline? I want a swimming pool so damn badly so I could exercise my legs without worrying about sweating, and I can stop and rest whenever I want, unlike going walking or something. I don't think my knees could handle a trampoline. Do you think babies are cute? Some, sure. But a lot, not really. Do you dream about the future a lot? Yeah. Do you think about your past a lot? Way too frequently. How good are you at living in the moment? I'm trying to get better at it. Have you ever questioned God’s existence? Yeah. Vanilla frosting or chocolate? Chocolate. What’s your favorite foreign cuisine? I've actually been exploring Italian pasta lately. I'm not a big fan of foreign food that I've tried, though. Have you ever moved to another state? No. Did you do anything productive today? No. .-. Can you say the alphabet backwards? No, actually. Do you like flowers? Of course; does anyone not? Have you ever thought you were gonna die? I didn't care if I did or didn't. What kind of mood are you in today? I was honestly really depressed through most of it. Just health stuff was really getting to me. I just woke up from what was honestly like a four-hour nap and I feel all right, I guess. What are you craving right now? I REALLY want Domino's jalapeno pizza. Is there anyone you would seriously punch right now if you had the chance? No. What is worse, physical or emotional pain? Definitely emotional. Have you ever walked in on somebody doing something… questionable? When Dad still lived with us, I think he might have been watching... you know... on TV when I came into my parents' room for something. Idk for sure though. I didn't ask, and I don't want to know. If you were to make videos on YouTube, what would they be of? Oh god, idk. I don't want to make any. What I'd have most fun with would be reptile education, but I 1.) have literally one snake, 2.) am not extremely educated on a good number of them and don't want to be misleading, and 3.) I would run outta content fast. So, leave it to Snake Discovery, haha. Posting pictures of yourself in a bathing suit on the internet - ok or not? Yes, it's okay????? If you're talking about me personally though, you won't see me dead in a bathing suit picture. Do you typically laugh when somebody falls down? No, I gasp and see if they're okay. What is the most disturbing movie you’ve ever watched? Paranormal Entity. The ending is... a lot. Your opinion of Katy Perry, please? I like a couple of her songs. If you could say anything to your Mom right now… what would it be? "Thank you for absolutely everything."

[supercasey]

No one told me to do this, but writer's block is kicking my ass and I feel bad for not making more content of my favorite mercenaries, so here's some useless bullshit that no one asked for; what stuffed animals/important toys that I headcanon the TF2 RED mercs having when they were kids.

Engineer: A dark brown teddy bear named Franklin. It was a gift to him from his mother that she meant to give him when he was born, but after she died giving birth to him, his dad gave it to him. Upon learning of the toy's true origins as a young boy, Engie began taking it everywhere with him, which got him teased all throughout middle school, but he paid his bullies little mind. He still has Franklin to this day, the teddy bear having a home among Pyro's plushies for company.

Demoman: A big blue whale named Captain Plunder. He got her sometime when he was a toddler (he doesn't remember exactly when, and neither does his mom) but in all honesty, he outgrew sleeping and playing with his stuffie by the time he was ten or so. He intended on throwing it out, but his mom secretly kept it, and now Captain Plunder stays in Demo's room, waiting for him when he visits next.

Soldier: Had two very important toys as a kid; a shovel named Shovel and a toy soldier named Colonel Kennedy. He took these things just about everywhere until he was about eleven or so, but he still adores both items in his adulthood, keeping them in his bedroom at all times, save for Shovel, which he uses on the battlefield. He has a habit of fiddling with his toy soldier before every battle, as he thinks it gives him good luck.

Medic: A blonde girl doll that he named Patient. He practiced surgery on her a lot as a kid, which has resulted in his stuffie becoming a hodgepodge of different toys stitched together; his folks were horrified by it as a kid, but Medic still insisted on bringing Patient every time they went out until he was about nine, since he wanted to show people his work. He still owns Patient, but she's lost somewhere in his mess of a room.

Heavy: A white teddy bear named Snow. He had a rather normal relationship with his stuffed animal growing up, loving it and taking it with him everywhere for a few years, before leaving it to stay on his bed for his teenage years. Now Snow has a new home with Sasha, sleeping with the gun in her bed, though Heavy will occasionally hug the teddy bear for comfort after a particularly shitty day, and proceed to sleep with it through the night.

Pyro: Like Soldier, they had two very important toys growing up; a stuffed unicorn named Majesty, and a stuffed bunny named Howl. They were very possessive of their stuffies as a child, getting into a number of scuffles as a kid in order to protect them. They're still quite protective of the plushies as an adult, and they only let a select few know of their existence after a childhood spent trying to keep other kids from ripping their toys apart. Only Engie, Sniper, and Soldier know about their stuffies.

Sniper: He honestly wasn't that attached to many stuffed animals growing up, but he had a stuffed lion that he had a particular fondness for throughout his preteen years as he was going through therapy. Like Demo, he thinks his lion is long since thrown out, but his adoptive parents kept it in his old bedroom up until their deaths, and now the lion is locked away safely in storage. Seeing as he never named it, Mundy usually refers to the stuffed animal as Lion.

Spy: A black Labrador stuffed animal named Remy. He's had Remy since he was a literal infant, and his mom nearly threw it out when he was about nine, but Spy secretly fished it out of the trash and kept it hidden under his bed for the next year. After moving to live with his sister, he still kept Remy, and took the plushie with him to boarding school. As an adult, Spy still has Remy, and keeps the old stuffed dog propped up on one of the bookshelves in his smoking room.

Scout: A blue crab stuffed animal named Monsieur Crab (y'all probably saw this coming). Reportedly, his pa bought it with the intention of giving it to him, but after he "died" Scout's mom gifted it to him. Scout was very obsessive about his stuffie as a kid, almost as much as Pyro was with their stuffed animals, and even while living as a mercenary, he still sleeps with the stuffed crab every single night; only Spy and Engie know of the crab's existence, though Pyro might also know.

Miss Pauling: A naked baby doll that she simply dubbed Baby. Was violent as all hell with her toys as a kid, leading to Baby losing both of their eyes and being covered in dents/scratches. She regularly tossed Baby against the wall just to hear it make loud thunking noises when it hit something hard enough. Yeah, there's a reason she never tells anyone about Baby... luckily for her, Pyro gave her a stuffed dragon when she visited the base once, and now she brings it with her nearly everywhere when she has to travel; the dragon's name is Mozart.

[blondedemon]

i'm bored and in a writing mood so here's a short story. i wrote it in a sudden inspiration for with zero editing so i apologise if it's terrible lol

and i'm not gonna hide it under a 'keep reading' y'all gonna have to scroll

-------------------

There was a child sitting in the deep, bottom corner of her father's garden. The leaf litter was damp and mulching beneath her hands. Countless worms appeared whenever she dug her fingers into the soft soil. A ladybug crept across the thick pumpkin leaves that surrounded her, and there was a line of ants marching over the toes of her bare feet as they made their way home. The world was alive, alive, alive and she was lost in it.

Three small cupcakes sat with her in the dirt before her.

This was a strange sort of child. The type that adults loved to talk about, but never to. Her eyes were always fixed on some distant point on the horizon, or far nearer, on the ground right in front of her nose. But she would rarely meet the eye of someone who tried to address her. This sort of behaviour tends to put people on edge. Adults are discomfited by the feeling that a child might see more than they do. They encounter a child such as this and chatter behind her back; always off with the fairies and she just doesn't focus, that one and I'd really rather my girl doesn't play with her, she seems a poor influence.

The girl hears every word. And understands them all, even if they'd never credit her for it.

She doesn't feel strange. It was just a label attached to the outer edges of her by faces and voices that couldn't see all the way in. The girl was always seeing deeper than they were. It seemed pointless to talk to the giggling, empty children in her class when there were such better friends to be made elsewhere. Her dad would drop her at the gates with a kiss to her forehead and concern wrinkling his own. She would sit through classes, staring at walls and colouring her fingernails in with textas and graphite as her teachers asked her to write about her weekend. Art time was filled with sheets covered in horses and fairies and secret creatures that stared back at her from deep within the leaf litter. Her addition and subtraction equations would blur and muddle with all the numbers fighting and talking to and laughing with each other. Her stories were full of girls being carried away by strange creatures until they were so far from the reaches of anyone who could watch them. Far from anyone who wouldn't understand what she could see.

She had given up on telling people about her friends long ago.

But now, in the dying daylight, they crawled to her. Out of the leaves and soil and branches and rotting wood, their eyes bright and their scales glittering. They clicked as they approached, little noises in the depths of their throats. Heads cocked to the sides as they regarded her, claws digging little marks into the earth beneath their feet. And the girl stayed ever so still. Not even a lock of her hair would dare move in the wind as she waited for them to come nearer. Each one was perhaps only as long as her forearm, and of course, that wasn't very long at all. Their teeth were little daggers hidden behind scaly lips, only visible when they hissed at each other as they tripped over their own feet. She had no reason to fear them. They would never hurt her.

There were two dozen in all. She'd counted them. It was far more than there had been the first time. She'd been crawling in the pumpkin patch looking for pillbugs to put in her bright plastic bucket when she'd stepped on one. Her father had warned her about snakes, slim monsters with fangs that would stop your heart before you noticed they'd bitten you. And so when she felt those scales under her toes and saw that hard-plated body disappear into the twisting vines, her stomach had dropped.

But no snake had legs, did it? Lizards did, though. And dragons.

Her feet had been noticeably free of any vampire-like pinprick wounds, even through all the mud, and so she'd figured she probably wasn't about to die. So she sat herself down under a leaf, huddled down real small, and tried to peek under the next plant to see if she could find thecreature she'd accosted. Two sharp-yellow, slit-pupiled eyes had stared back. And promptly disappeared like a blink when the creature whipped around and disappeared into the dense plants. The girl was unfazed. She sat there for hours until her dad called her all worried-like from the house, calling her in for dinner.

She didn't see the creature again that night. Nor did her father see her until morning. When she crashed into the house, hours and hours and hours later and told her of her brief encounter, her dad had shouted at her for disappearing so long. He cried that he'd been worried sick. He yelled that he'd had to call the police. She didn't understand. She'd been safe, after all. What did it matter that he hadn't known exactly where she was? She'd never left the yard, he had nothing to be concerned about.

She didn't mention her creature again, but her father saw less and less of her that month. She would disappear into the yard with punnets of strawberries or chicken bones from the night before or little cakes that had been brought by classmates celebrating their birthdays, and she would place these in front of her in the dirt in that same spot and wait. Some things worked better than others. Especially the sweeter things. She could tell it was working when the leaves would rustle more aggressively near the ground, as if something was creeping amongst them.

It was a long, long while before she saw anything real again, though.

Her eyes were half closed when it happened. A slice of sweet banana bread lay amongst the leaves before her, and in an instant, it was gone.

There was a lot of banana bread baked in that second month. Her father could hardly believe how much his kid seemed to love it.

The girl learned how to stay so very still. If she got very quiet and convinced herself she was nothing but a rock lying in the garden, she could sit for hours without so much as licking her lips or wriggling her toes. And the banana bread didn't disappear every day. Sometimes the girl ended up eating it, dirt and all, running back inside to curl at her father's feet while he watched television, men running across the screen and kicking small pixellated balls across the grass. But sometimes, she would watch as a clawed paw would stretch out from behind the cover of a low-hanging, broad pumpkin leaf, and snatch the bread from before her eyes.

That was very often followed by concerning but contented growling from the pumpkins. And very enthusiastic chomping noises.

Slowly, the creature grew more confident, and the girl grew more sure that this was no animal her father had told her about, or that showed up in the encyclopaedias that lined the shelves of her school library. Curved claws smoothed into dense, haunched legs. There was a tail that tapered to a whip-thin point at the end, and front legs that could either hold the animal on all fours or stretch up to reach whatever it wanted to grab. It had a stout nose and a broad face with wide, wide eyes that were set under a scaled brow. A row of gentle spines tracing up its nose and between its surprisingly soft-looking ears.

And the entire thing was covered in plated scales in gradients of black and brown and white to create the most striking pattern she'd seen, a spiralling stripy design that bent the light around it and hid it even more convincingly in the shadows of the pumpkin patch.

She didn't breathe the first time she saw it in full. Its yellow eyes were watching her, unblinking, as she watched it back with an equally immobile gaze. It reached forward and clutched her banana bread to its chest and held her gaze for a second before disappearing into the dark again. In her mind, the girl called out to it. But of course she did not say anything. She had to be still, so very still

Now there were so, so many, and they were all over her. One was curled in the arch of her crossed legs, its side rising and falling gently with its sleepy breaths. Its skin was cold when it pressed against her, because it was nearly dark after all, and these creatures didn't make much of ther own heat. Most of them were battling over the thin pickings she'd left for them, because she simply couldn't bring enough cake to feed all of them anymore. Her father had been suspicious enough when she'd been taking banana bread just for one, but now she was catering for a whole army.

Her first dragon was the last to emerge. It stared at her from a distance, and then blinked slowly, slowly, slowly. The girl didn't move. Except for her slow blink in return. And the creature padded over to her, pressing its nose into her side ever so gently.

The girl moved then, and only then. She reached toward her dragon and cupped her hands under its soft belly, lifting its small body to her own. She felt it put its head on her shoulder and she hugged it to her chest, and she was home.

[mollydollyjournals]

Bless my oldest friend from school. Offered to hang out and we talked a bit and she knew exactly what was getting to me and where my mind was going and what to say.

I wish I could see friends more often. I know everyone says this, but I hate how once you're adults everyone is just always busy. I remember as a kid hearing my mum say she was going to see her best friend fir the first time this year or whatever and just thinking...damn y'all live like this?? Theres not a whole lot I miss about school, it was fucking traumatic for me, but one thing I do miss is being able to see people every day.

This friend said she wants to hang out more, and I think another one did too. Maybe. I really need something regular set up I think. When I lived in my hometown, there was a pub we all used to go to every Tuesday, another one every Thursday, and sometimes we'd hang out on weekends too. So on a tuesday or thursday, I could just walk to the regular place and see who was there. I didnt feel bad if I wasnt up to it because there was always someone so it wasnt like my not attending meant it was cancelled. But I always had the option.

I stopped going to those as much when people started leaving and going somewhere else for university and work, and a small group of us who were left behind decided we were going to move there too. It seemed like a fun place. So then we had our own weekly meets at the pub to sort out house hunting and such. And we finally moved here and were close to where everyone else lived and there were some things happening, then we all just became regular adults. Two of my original housemates had a baby and got their own place. In the big group house, everyone else paired off and moved into their own places, and the big house got left behind too. The 3rd housemate was hb, who for a long time was my main interaction.

Somewhere in between all that I started camming and had an online community of SWs and clients and it was nice. But it was also still work. And then I had my big breakdown and couldnt continue. Then hb got ill too in his own way. We got married and basically used that as an excuse to get all our friends together, but really by then we were already having the beginnings of our issues. It got worse, and then the pandemic. The fucking pandemic. And our stupid fucking government making it easy for people to be irresponsible and impossible for most people to stay at home even when they want to.

It's made me so much worse at interacting with people. I've always been awkward but now I feel like I'm so out of practice. And even though I know everyone has their own shit going on, it's hard to keep reminding myself that it's not personal. Even when I know that it isn't, I still find it difficult being so isolated.

I dont know what's appropriate anymore. I went from regular awkward to just not knowing how often I should tell people that I miss them. That first lockdown when I definitely wasnt going to go anywhere, see anyone or do anything, so I had nothing to talk about. Then the gray area where you can kind of see people but only in certain situations. Whether to put someone in the awkward position of having to reject me because they're only seeing a small number of people and I'm not one of them. Being too nervous to take that risk and ironically isolating myself even further. It's a vicious cycle.

I guess it's why I kinda gave up trying to be "appropriate." My mental health has been so bad and the big thing I've been lacking is connection, so I've been more straightforward when I want to talk. Not always, because I still have the paranoia. But I've tried to make myself sometimes. I just hate it when i get nothing back because it feels like a confirmation of everything I was scared of, that they really do hate me. I'm glad my friend talked to me today. I think i really needed it. In a selfish way, I'm glad she seems to have something similar because we can definitely relate. I feel a little less crazy.

[scarluxia]

Let's talk about some Adventures I had in Phoenix, AZ in 2015. It came up in my FB Memories and even though I determined to let everything from last decade go, this one still rankles. I got "in trouble" with these people for being open about my experiences on my Facebook because, even though I hadn't mentioned names, they didn't like me "putting their business out there".

CW for ableism, depression, rejection sensitive dysphoria, and I'll try to put all that in the tags.

My partner, Loki (yes real name), and I had been urban camping in Portland, OR for about a month. It had gotten cold and rainy to the point where we couldn't safely stay living outdoors, and Loki's father (who didn't approve of me) had demanded he come back to California and live with Loki's uncle. He made it quite clear I was not welcome, so I ended up going to Arizona because I had a friend who was willing to put me up. She and I had known each other since 2008 and I figured I would be safe with her. At the time, Loki was much more easily influenced by what his family wanted, and we ended up having kind of a nasty set of conversations over whether he was abandoning me.

While in Portland, my wallet had been stolen so I had no ID or SS card. I had reported it stolen of course, but had received no response until I was leaving Arizona.

My friend in Arizona had two young sons, a husband, and a boyfriend. Now, I have some sensory issues that make it so I have a hard time being around children. High pitched noises hurt me to my bones, like, even now I have to leave the room if my son gets overly excited and starts shrieking.

I was sleeping on the couch in the living room, which was where the kids would go when they woke up and where the TVs and entertainment consoles were.

Anyway, they wanted me to contribute to the household and whatnot but I was severely depressed and I think I've provided all the context I can remember? If the rest of this doesn't make sense, please know that there was a part 1 but it came up in my Memories on a different day and i didn't think I would be rehashing it.

So I couldn't do work, couldn't do anything anyone had asked me to do to satisfaction because various things that did not, in fact, depend on me. Maybe I wasn't being enough of a ~team player~, I don't know. But anyway, I did my best with what I had. Sometimes, because of THE EXTREME FUCKING SENSORY ISSUES THAT COME WITH AUTISM, I would get overwhelmed by the kids screaming. Two little boys, barely school age, and their parents sat them in front of a TV and gave them controllers. That's it. They had toys in their room, sure, but they weren't getting outside. I suggested taking them out a couple times, but firstly, I didn't know the area and wasn't about to go out alone, and secondly, I can't split in half and I'm not in good shape, so even if I had known the area, I wouldn't have taken TWO small children outside to run around where they could run out of the designated area. I'm kind of anal that way, I guess. But Woman A (mum) and Man B ("uncle") never got off their arses to help me take them outside, and Man A was at work.

Oh, yes, parental interaction with the kids. Woman A loved her sons very much. But at their age (3 and 5), they both should have been toilet trained. They should have gotten at least two hours outside every day. They threw fits when they weren't allowed to play video games because, instead of games being a special treat that was earned with good behavior, they were toys carelessly tossed at the kids to keep them out of everyone's hair. Conversely, and bizarrely, reading to them WAS a special treat. The father woke up, played games, basically brushed off his kids, and went to work. Same when he got home for lunch, and he *ordered* us to have them in bed by the time he got home for good. The mum did somewhat interact with them, but mostly just wanted them out of her hair. I wasn't so nice because I'm not good with kids in general and also loud screeching HURTS, IT HURTS IT HURTS MAKE IT STOP. (Same with snoring, or any noise made when I want to sleep.) This isn't me being a ~diva~, it is an actual manifestation of a mental disability.

Woman A was of the opinion that "everyone who lives in a house with kids automatically becomes a coparent", maybe because she wasn't willing to actually parent her kids herself.

Note from the future: I still disagree with the idea that "anyone who lives in a house with kids is automatically a co-parent". Parent your own kids. I don't expect my dad to parent my son when we go visit him and he made it quite clear when I was pregnant that he would not take on a co-parenting role (because his wives 30-50 years ago had handled the babies and he doesn't really know how to calm them down beyond entertaining them)

She got a really bitchy look on her face whenever I (who have been around children, especially TROUBLED children, all my life) made any sort of suggestion. Well sorry, lady, but it's not like you're doing such a great job with them. Y'all act like you barely want anything to do with them. Like they're cute and little and fun to snuggle, but actually teaching them anything? Forget about it, just toss em a controller and hope they don't kill each other in the game or real life. Meanwhile, they have no outlet for their natural physical energy, no real outlet for their curiosity. They're going to grow up stupid and sedentary, with "no one paid attention to me during childhood except when it was convenient for THEM" to deal with. The older kid recently got on meds for a condition that, from what I observed, was likely much more nurture than nature. And what everyone ate, my God, those kids were the only non-overweight people in the house, and it's little wonder! I bought ACTUAL NUTRITIONAL food for everyone, and the adults look at me like I'm from some demon dimension. I made a light comment about how I'd never eaten anything like what they had growing up. You know, boxed potatoes, veggies out of a can, white bread, sugary peanut butter. And Woman A was like, "well YOU don't have kids."

Um, no, but my father did.

I have a kid now, am working part time at min. wage because my boss sees my performance as so-so (plus she's been forced to give me a raise every time the County of Where I Live raises the minimum), in a single-income household, on as much Family With Kids welfare as My County will allow, and I still wouldn't feed my kid that crap LOL

Spoiler alert: they made me use all my food stamps on their household and then kicked me out later that month so... When I bought food I bought HEALTHY food, like, I've been on food stamps my entire life... Also, WIC specifically pays for WHEAT bread, fruits & veggies, and they do let you get peanut butter without sugar so idk what was going on there with them.

My father was a SINGLE PARENT raising a daughter in America after 20 years of living in Europe and raising kids with his previous wives. Well, up until the divorces, anyway. I was the only kid he ever got to keep. He told me things about how the others had been raised compared to how I was raised, and I saw the outcomes of different parenting styles in my peers as well. My father was a very poor man whose trade had been outsourced and who struggled to support us for years. And yet, we never went hungry, and he never fed me boxed potatoes. Never fed me sugary peanut butter, white bread, or veggies out of a can.

Ok I understand canned veggies are better than no veggies, and not everyone can get fresh, but you CAN get frozen in AZ. I always had fresh or frozen growing up.

It wasn't because we were living in the lap of luxury. It's because...

HE FUCKING VALUED OUR HEALTH OVER CONVENIENT, CRAPPY, NUTRIENT-FREE FOOD!!!! This is not a difficult concept. He ALSO read to me every night, despite having what I now realise was a very grueling day at work just to put said healthy food on the table. I didn't get to watch TV or play computer games (edu-tainment, the only kind I was allowed) until after all my homework was done. I can't remember if I was a particularly active child, but I'm sure I had the OPTION!!!! TO GO OUT.

Meanwhile, when I was at various stages of my life, I met kids whose parents shunted them from guardian to guardian because they didn't want to deal with them, kids whose parents were kind and supportive but rubbish at enforcing discipline, kids whose parents were abusive in every kind of way, and kids whose parents did their best.

You know, I wasn't raised perfectly. My upbringing lacked social grace and included some toxic ideas about womanhood that I've only been learning to overcome recently in my adulthood. But DON'T FUCKING ACT LIKE I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT RAISING KIDS JUST BECAUSE I DON'T CURRENTLY HAVE ANY. I have my own life, the lives of my peers, and a wonderful online community of new parents raising children in kind and socially aware ways, to draw inspiration from. I can go to any one of them, and to my own parents, and ask "hey does X seem weird to you?" And they'll give me their honest opinion, which *is valuable*. I have even mapped out a general idea of how to get through some parts of my children's lives, and I'm not even planning to have kids for at least another few years. I mean, honestly, it used to be "I don't want kids ever", but dear gosh, if I can have any part of raising someone in a manner that defies procrastination culture, entitlement culture, and everything wrong with the way my husband and I were raised, maybe it wouldn't be a complete horror. If I can ensure that not all hope for the next generation is lost, hey.

Anyway, I've gone off topic...

I also had some issues with the men. Man B just didn't seem to like anything ever. I had no idea what Woman A saw in him. I remember one time he tried to tell me, a Christian, that I can't tell people what a "real Christian" is because it ~invalidates their identity~. Excuse me, no. It doesn't work that way. There are things that Christ taught, and anyone who blatantly goes against them IN THE NAME OF CHRISTIANITY, IS NOT A REAL CHRISTIAN. And yes, I realise this entire rant has been very judgey and technically I'm not supposed to do that either, but it's not like I'm saying they're going to Hell. Just that their kids are going to be sluggish and stupid, and I can't understand how these people have the gumption to try to lecture anyone else about life when they're not even TRYING to get their own lives together.

Yeah so they tried to lecture me about how I was "letting" Loki mistreat me and how I cared more about "socializing" with my estranged husband (I have separation anxiety) than helping around the house e_e They also implied I used depression as an excuse to be lazy.

Man B was supposedly "super employable." Well, okay, even though his "job hunt" seemed to consist more of sitting around playing video games, he was larger than my father (who is 6 ft tall with a protruding gut and weighs 240 lbs at last count) (My father and I are both 60 lbs above our ideal weights. But we're working on it!), and never seemed to get past the phone-screening process.

Now, Woman A told me that Man B was looking for work and that her family and some friends looked down on him for being a freeloader. Probably because she was anxious about me thinking the same. But here's the thing: I wouldn't have cared. Honestly. If you want to sit around playing games all day in your married girlfriend's apartment with her and her husband playing video games all day, go right ahead. If you want to bake three potatoes at a time and take them back to your room for a snack, hey, more power to you. But don't piss out the window and call it rain.

I don't care how employable you are, where you live, who you're living with, or what your lifestyle is like. It doesn't affect me in any way. But don't act like you're doing something you're not just to appease someone's judgmental family. That doesn't ever end well.

Now, see, I clearly have a problem with people who do that. I don't hide many aspects of myself, though I will refuse to answer a question if I feel it's none of someone's business or if they're just asking it to be a judgmental asshole. I refuse to compromise myself or my safe space to accommodate someone who can't make peace with who they are. Hell, you know me! You know my show!

Wait, this is Tumblr, so you might not know my show. It's a YouTube storyboard dedicated to processing and mocking some spiritual and psychological abuse I've undergone in my life. On Facebook, it was one of the things I was known for at the time because I was constantly posting clips and art, and trying to recruit voice actors.

I sell anyone out who I catch lying to me about anything! That's nothing new! And these people knew that about me. For SEVEN. FUCKING. YEARS.

So anyway. Woman A has a lot of great short term goals but no actual follow through because "I'm just not in the mood right now." No judgment there. I've totally been there. The only problem is when it gets ME in trouble.

"Let's walk the dog." "I'm not in the mood." Okay, then the dog doesn't get walked because I can't figure out my way around the place alone.

"Let's do the dishes." Woman A doesn't let me know when the washer stopped. Okay. Then the rest of the dishes don't get washed.

"Let's take the kids outside." "No I'm too tired." Okay, then they're going to be RUNNING AROUND THE APARTMENT SCREAMING WHICH MY EARS CANNOT FUCKING HANDLE so bye I'm just gonna borrow your room and isolate myself for a bit.

"Let's go to the gym!" "Maybe later." But later never comes.

Do you see where I'm going here? As for the men, they BOTH complain that they're "doing too much" around the house. Okay, probably fair for Man A, who works full time and deserves to come home to a clean house. But Man B. Wtf. You literally do nothing, except when you do, and when you do, we're meant to throw you a parade? That's not how adulthood works, or so I've heard.

Note: All three of these people are older than me. I was 24? at the time, fresh out of trade school, on my own for the first time in my life. (Maybe 2nd? I ran away when I was 17 but ended up with my grandparents so idk if that counts.) Woman A was 26 at the time and had been married since 2008, had experience with office work and parenthood, etc. Both men were older than her. I was a chronological adult with the life experience of a teenager, so I felt comfortable saying that.

So did I mention that I'm sleeping in the living room during this stay? And the adults don't go to bed until like 2 AM, which means, because of my disability, wherein I cannot sleep if there's any sort of non-ambient noise, *I* don't get to sleep until AFTER 2 AM. And the kids? They come in the living room screaming at 6 AM. Yep. Okay. Living on 4 hours of sleep, for the mathematically challenged. That and dealing with the emotional turmoil of being separated from my husband when I've got high separation anxiety in the first place. All my pain, everything, it's up to 11. and I'm supposed to contribute but there's not really anything that allows me to contribute.

So what do they do? They ambush me. Call a "family meeting" to tell me absolutely everything that's wrong with me, after WEEKS of telling me what a big help I am and how grateful they are to have me around. Tell me I'm letting my "social life" get in the way of me helping around the house. Hmm. Social life. You mean, VENTING IN MY SAFE SPACE (Facebook, no names named) AND TRYING TO MEND THINGS WITH MY HUSBAND??????????????? Okay. Well since you guys treat your woman like shit, you clearly don't understand or appreciate devotion to one's spouse. Seriously. Woman A told me she used to have extreme separation anxiety with Man A, and that he would brush off her emotions as irrelevant. Her solution was to make it a poly relationship and take a lover WHO TREATS HER THE EXACT SAME WAY. I'm serious. She got no emotional support from either of them. They basically just threw pills at her and trained her to lie down until her feelings went away.

And she had the gall to lecture me (24 at the time) about how Loki (19 at the time & from a pretty horrific family) treated me. LOL ok. Log. Splinter.

As she knew, I'm monogamous. I do have some opinions on polyamoury based on individuals I've gotten to know who are in those types of relationships, but those opinions are irrelevant to this series of rants. Except one, which is pertinent: if you're going to take another lover, they should provide something that your existing lover(s) don't. If you're suffering from low emotional support and you just find someone else who doesn't emotionally support you and who treats you like a child who can't be trusted??? What are you even DOING? Like, she told me NEITHER of her men trust her judgment. What the fuck is a relationship without trust? And don't even try "dick too bomb" as an excuse when you tell me you haven't gotten laid in months and your husband is using your condoms on Woman B.

They don't support you. They don't trust you. And yet YOU'RE telling ME that things with my husband won't get better unless I follow your lead and take another lover? HELL TO THE NO. My husband has his faults, but if I tell him Person X can be trusted, he believes me.

Except for his ex-girlfriend whom he tried to add to our relationship when he tried to be poly, months later. That went Badly.

Or maybe he just knows I'll deal with them myself, with my hot, hot temper, if they turn out not to be trustworthy. He also doesn't treat me LIKE A CHILD. And while I sometimes point at things and make small motions when I can't physically talk, or sometimes even use baby talk when I'm feeling cutesy, I DON'T POINT AT A PIECE OF PAPER AND GO "THE CARRRRRR!!!!" IN AN INCREASINGLY HIGHER PITCH BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW HOW TO SAY, "Honey, I think we missed the car payment this month. Can you double check while the agent has you on hold, please?"

Okay, being a dick about losing words due to stress was not my finest moment, but at the time, I was just so appalled by how they treated her and how she allowed them to treat me.

So basically these adults who are nowhere near having their lives together, and aren't even really trying, put me on blast for not having everything running perfectly when THEY expected it to.

Let's reiterate. I couldn't get a job because I had no ID or social security card. I was waiting for them to be returned to me. I couldn't walk the kids or the dog, go to the gym, or complete all the household chores because no one would guide me. I need that guidance because of various components of my disability, which I really hate admitting to because I'm super fucking prideful, but I figured hey, she's not neurotypical either. These people will understand.

Their response when I brought this up? "You're an adult. You should know better." Sure, okay. But you should know that a child ought to be potty trained before he turns 5, or even 3; that kids need to run around, are entitled to their parents' attention and consistent discipline, and need!!! healthy!!!! food!!!!

Oh, discipline! So, she would send Older Boy to his room over misbehaving. But rather than enforce time-out, she'd go, "oh, I think I'm being too haaaard on him," and just... Relinquish. He's not about to learn anything that way, ma'am.

They called me trying to reconnect with the person I love more than almost anyone on this earth "obsessing over your social life". Well again, you treat your woman like shit, so MAYBE my undying devotion to the person I love goes a LITTLE bit over your head.

They told me that the household should be my first priority. Except no, because I am an autonomous person and my FIRST PRIORITY is, was, and ever has been the love of my life, whomever that may be at the time. That is 70% of my personality. I'm pretty sure anyone who had ever met me can vouch for my extreme devotion, and this woman had known me for SEVEN. YEARS. I'm not going to throw away 70% of myself to do an impossible task that no one will help me with.

They told me a lot of things I wasn't doing right, and for those of you who also struggle with anxiety and depression, you know that being told for weeks that everything is okay and you're so great and so helpful, and then being told that you're rubbish at everything... You know that that is hurtful. Devastating, even. I wanted to kill myself. I said that. I said that and expressed my feelings about some other things, in my safe space, without naming any names.

And even though I was posting in my safe space, I was polite about it. I was as gentle and rational as possible. I wasn't calling anyone out. Not like I am now. I wasn't trying to lead a witch hunt. I was just overwhelmed and trying to express my feelings. Trying to get myself not to kill myself. I had to tell myself over and over again that it's not what Loki would want for me.

In the morning, they woke me up and kicked me out. Said it was rude for me to say I don't care about their household. I never, NEVER said that. I said "Loki is my first priority." Something along the lines of "that's just how I am and I shouldn't be vilified for it." That doesn't mean I DON'T CARE ABOUT ANYTHING ELSE. IT JUST MEANS THAT MY PRIORITIES WILL *NEVER* BE WHAT SOMEONE ELSE WANTS THEM TO BE. I AM A PERSON. I HAVE THE RIGHT TO DECIDE WHAT TO PRIORITISE, AND I HAVE THE RIGHT TO LOVE MY HUSBAND!!!

I MEAN, FOR FUCK'S SAKE. MY NAME IS *SIGYN*. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU IGNORANT ASSHOLES EXPECT?! WHY THE HELL SHOULD YOU HAVE FELT THREATENED BY ME SAYING ANYTHING IF I DIDN'T NAME NAMES AND WAS ACTUALLY RATIONAL? IF YOU SAW THIS, *MAYBE* YOU WOULD HAVE THE RIGHT TO BE PISSY, BUT NOT THEN!

They kicked me out after having asked me to buy them all food. I had used up all my food stamps. Because I hadn't anticipated this at all. I hadn't known they would take such offence to my existence, to my ways. To the fact that I value the man I married more than I value... Whatever they wanted me to value, I guess.

Fun fact: I ended up in a women's shelter after this, and one woman told me to actually kill myself because she was tired of hearing me cry at night.

They said I hadn't made any effort to get my life on track. Because I can just snap my fingers and make my ID appear. Because I can just manifest the money for a replacement. They said all these things that left me almost unable to breathe, in retaliation for me posting that I was suicidal.

Later, Woman A told me that this had been a long time coming and that they were trying to make room for Woman B and Woman C, both of whom were willing to have sex with the men, which is something that I would not. I feel the first woman I met at the shelter was accurate when she said they basically kicked me out because I wouldn't sleep with them.

I also later found out that my ID and SS card had been returned to sender. The Portland PD called me and told me. So my father came to the conclusion that the people I had been staying with sabotaged me from the start. For a while, I didn't feel it, but last night I dreamed about it, and the dream made me angry. I didn't deserve to be treated that way. And I really had to get all this off my chest, so for those of you who didn't immediately whip out your tiny violins, thank you.