#admittedly an extremely simple program.

[crescentmp3]

LOOK

[vroombeams]

30. come play for markoscar

It's one of the simple pleasures in life, getting your dick sucked.

Mark's so bonelessly comfortable it should be illegal. Kicked back in his favourite chair, in his favourite robe, with late afternoon sun streaming in through the window and Oscar between his legs. He's not an animal; of course he's made sure Oscar's got a pillow to kneel on. He knows himself, and he knows these days, how he could sit here for hours with Oscar's mouth on him.

He knows when Oscar's gotten impatient because the suction turns up from about a seven to a seventeen.

He's gotten so good at this. At dragging it out, sucking Mark off in that long, languid way that he particularly likes. It's part of the charm of being a retired driver, learning to take things slow. But Oscar is not retired, in fact, and is significantly less inclined to stay patiently on his knees for actual hours.

Mark grunts when Oscar throats him. He makes this strangled noise when he does it, every time. Something that's almost a gag, that wraps back in on itself as Oscar swallows all the way down until Mark can feel the press of his nose in his pubes. He's not been looking, honestly. Staring instead up at the slats of light beamed across his living room wall, pondering the beauty of the universe and all that.

Oscar bobs his head, throat constricting. Mark grunts again, knee twitching, pressing a thumb to Oscar's shoulder.

"Gonna come," he sighs, and Oscar pulls up a bit to properly suck him off through it.

When he comes it's like the light of the room just sort of sinks into him. Warm and soft and golden, so completely satisfying that Mark could probably fall asleep right here and now. And he has before, knocked out after a good orgasm, the reverse of what he thinks Oscar might call post-nut clarity.

Mark hums, blindly tucking a bit of hair behind Oscar's ear as he starts to soften in his mouth. It's warm enough in here that when Oscar does pull off it's not a rush of cold air on his wet dick; still satisfying, still comfy.

He feels Oscar moving, only opens his eyes when Oscar actually climbs up into his lap. Mark's amenable. Obviously. If he were a decade or two younger he might even be able to get it up again and really give Oscar what he wants, but for now wanking him off will have to do.

Oscar's face is a bit pinched, which is par for the course, considering how hard he is when he presses up against Mark's stomach. He twists a dainty hand into the back of Mark's hair, plunges the other into his own sweats. Oh, good, Mark's not going to have to do any work at all. Huge W, as the kids say. Maybe he'll even be able to conk out for a nap after this.

He lets it happen when Oscar dips to kiss him. Opens his mouth to deepen it and—

He doesn't recoil, but he's admittedly just a bit shocked when Oscar dumps a mouthful of come directly onto Mark's tongue.

Mark has a normal relationship with his own come, which is to say he generally keeps it out of his own mouth. He's polite about it, of course, he's not a prude. Of course he'll kiss after Oscar blows him.

This is a bit much to wrap his brain around.

But Oscar doesn't let up and Mark's really too stunned to stop it. And it seems like it's really doing it for Oscar; he's moaning a bit, sucking on Mark's tongue, fist speeding on his dick between them.

He comes in record time, basically seconds after Mark gets with the program and starts—ugh—pushing his own come around between their mouths. It's a real mess, spilling out a bit when Oscar breaks away to groan. Even more a mess, Oscar coming all over Mark's bare chest where he's left his robe open.

Oscar sits back. His mouth is wet and sticky and shining vaguely pearlescent. There's a thick bead of come running down his chin. It'd be extremely appealing if Mark weren't hyper-aware of it smeared all over his own face.

"Nice," Oscar says, exhausted, running his whole hand through the mess of jizz on Mark's chest and making it much, much worse. A shower is going to be unavoidable, now.

So much for getting a post-blowie nap in.

send kink(s) and a ship(s) and maybe i will write more hell things

[kishdoodles]

Treebark Week 2024 - A Post-Mortem

Hi! If you haven’t seen, I have released seven (7!) videos for Treebark Week 2024! This wall of text is my behind the scenes and also post-mortem thoughts on the project, which I found worth documenting.

Even if you don’t end up reading the text, I appreciate every comment, tag, and view my videos get. I did it for the fun of it and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t do it for the attention. I did, because I think these videos are the funniest things I’ve ever released. Shoutout to @thefluxqueen for being my partner in crime and confidant for these. You saw my vision.

I wanted to do something for Treebark week but admittedly I had noooo idea. So this whole gimmick was a fun set up for me to stretch my creativity in. What started as “I’m just going to do everything in mspaint with a mouse” spiraled to “I think it’s going to get boring if everything’s in the same style, so I’m going to have to do something different everyday.”

The important factor to me throughout all of this is earnesty.

Even if its life started as a joke, this project is a love letter in every respect. This is what I grew up on, this is the YouTube that is precious to me. Capturing this era of time in 7 videos is all at once easy, yet surprisingly laborious.

First I planned the songs. Fitting the songs with the prompts was a brain scratcher, but once we (me and Spain) had a few in the rest slotted in pretty easily. Common thread was, of course, any popular song from the mid-late 2000s.

The first confirmed song was Sugar, Sugar for Sweet (Day 2) courtesy of Spain, given the Eddsworld video. We had a few songs for Burn (Day 3) or Infernal (Day 4) which we threw out (Elli Goulding’s Burn, 2NE1’s Fire, Steam Powered Giraffe’s Fire Fire, etc.) I ended up digging through my old playlist and listened to 20% Cooler, which after a realization I immediately slotted it for Frost (Day 1). Spain brought up the Heat Waves parody (Cold Spells) for Frost too, to which I realized I could just do regular Heat Waves, so that became what I did for Burn.

Bring Me To Life was brought to my attention (I forgot how, maybe Youtube recommendations?) and with the lyrics, it became the song for Blood (Day 7). The all time classic, Angel with a Shotgun, fit in nicely with the prompt of Divine (Day 4), so there was no contest. Another classic, Everytime We Touch, was harder to fit but I eventually reasoned through the prompts enough to fit it with Lips (Day 5) (the everytime we kiss part).

At this point, nothing I’ve found fit Day 6 (picnic/garden/strawberry) at ALL. So I decided the only way I knew how. RANDOM CHOICE!

Mad World won but that was a trap, for I have biased myself toward Animal I’ve Become at that point and it almost won, so I went with that instead. This is a lawless land. 

-

The actual video ideas really came to me in piecemeal, so I’ll explain how I got each idea as I cover each day in order of when I completed them. 

20% Cooler (Day 1) was the most straightforward of the days. It was done in 1 hour and 30 minutes and I was purposefully being extremely literal about the lyrics. I already had the vision for what I want, and I didn’t want to care about quality all that much, so it came together really fast. 

For my process, I lined with mspaint brush and then bucket tooled with default colours. I took advantage of the new layer system mspaint added for some scenes, but otherwise it was as simple as just drawing. (Pictured, 3 layers for 2 scenes.)

It was really easy to just quickly edit in Windows Movie Maker 6 too, I just dragged the pictures in, slapped effects, roughly timed everything and it’s done.

Programs used: mspaint, Windows Movie Maker 6

-

Sugar, Sugar (Day 2) was an honest effort at avoiding any complicated animations. I initially thought of doing an animation similar to the original video that inspired the song choice, but eventually scaled back because. I don’t want to animate. 

Thus came the decision of subject matter. I ended up settling on the demon roleplay because I thought it was the campiest thing in the world. And it was a sweet reunion, no? The lyrics just fit the vibe, and in a moment of brilliance (hitting the showers) I thought to make a visual novel. One reflective of old flash games and like the visual novels of cultural zeitgeist at the time.

I’ve known about Ren’py for quite some time now, but I’ve never properly learned how to use it. For this my task was simple. Find out how to change sprites, backgrounds, and move people into the scene.

Sprites and backgrounds were easy, so those were the first things I did. Ren’s sprites were inspired in design by Demon Hunters in the Warcraft world, mostly because I was playing a lot of Hearthstone and liked the idea. Martyn’s sprite style was inspired by early 2000s anime visual novels, like Higurashi (though I’ve personally never consumed it nor do I actually recommend consuming this piece of media (neutral) its ripple throughout the anime community was felt. Notably, parodies of the anime’s opening were very popular.) I toned back the stylizations, but trust me when I say that Martyn’s hands were purposefully big to be yaoi hands. It didn’t end up that big, and I did not give him the dorito chin here so, immense self control on my part (or cowardice?). False and Joel were just my regular style. For all this I used my tablet instead of my mouse.

The programming part was a little troublesome, but it wasn’t anything I couldn’t google, so it got done pretty fast. There’s other small bits, like how I mismatched the background sizes, the sprite sizes (with each other)(minorly) but for the most part it came together pretty quick. Once the VN was done, it was just about recording it. So I put on the song, and danced along.

[You can download the VN here]

Programs used: Ren’Py, OBS, mspaint, After Effects (just to move the scene over at the beginning)

-

So I knew I wanted a classic style AMV, so that eventually became Everytime We Touch (Day 5). 

The pictures mostly come from a discord server I’m in (hi [redacted]!!!!) and I thought of it like a nice homage to the insanity we had in there. Bless all of you guys, you guys were the ones I wanted this series to be made for the most.

Not much to say beyond that, besides me just editing it all on movie maker as usual.

Programs used: Windows Movie Maker 6

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Angel With a Shotgun (Day 4) was the last to be planned for. I predicted it was going to be the easiest to make on the fly (it was) and just kind of winged it. I wanted a unique style still for it though, and the idea of drawing their cubitos came pretty late. 

I was not exempt from this trend in my youth (my art in mspaint, age 11, me and my sister)

The rest was history. Just kidding, I really wanted something to do with the shotgun thing so I literally searched “shotgun” in Curseforge and got MrCrayfish’s gun mod just for the shotgun. I loaded up the 3rd Life world I had from my Broken Lives animatic (it’s a custom made world using the seed) and just got to work with FreeCam and OBS (it’s my first time with FreeCam too!)

A rejected clip I didn’t use because of skin consistency / continuity.

Programs used: Minecraft, mspaint, Windows Movie Maker 6

-

Heat Waves (Day 3) acquired a pixel art style as an homage to its original lyric video. People have said it reminded them of Homestuck, which I honestly don’t mind. It fits the era and I did grow up with it. It kinda looped back in on itself that way.

I blame this frame, here's it as a gif which lies unused.

For the video, the more I rewatched bits of Last Life for it (it’s been a while!) I realized it had a lot more potential than I initially thought. Though I doubt most of it didn’t come through in the final product (I limit these videos to a minute or less, if possible, excepting credits and allowing few more seconds over the minute mark so long as it felt warranted), I tried to cram in what I thought fitting to the prompt the whole time.

The watch tower burning was an easy pick, a classic Treebark moment you might say. For the rest of it, the nuance laid a lot in how Martyn presented the Shadow Alliance. “The Dog, The Shadow, The Roots. We make this place burn.” Under the eyes of the moon, it witnessed this pact form, and its resolution for the server. The moon is included in multiple frames because of this, as a stand-in for the eye of the Watcher(s) I included at the start, watching Martyn through the series.

In a lot of ways, how Lizzie and BigB turned red I also found fascinating. Lava and explosions you could argue are an extension of burning and fire, and an explosion was also how Martyn left the series. Ren, from the start of this alliance, inexplicably committed to and saw through what ultimately rips the people he was loyal to away from him. 

Martyn on the other hand, I drew in the later portions quite aware of the position he’s in, hence only his eye in the frame with the last 4 folks. This to me starts a path for him toward where he goes in the later serieses (notably in Limited Life). This is all very “vibes” and instinctual kind of “trust me on this” sort of read on c!Martyn honestly.

On missed opportunities, I’m almost upset at how I never brought up the moment Martyn buys a love crystal from Scar (never used, it got blown up) which I (and a lot of other) may have delusionally thought it was for Ren. Besides that, I never had a chance to desaturate the colours in the video leaving only red (which Ren did upon the encounter of the establishment of the Moon Cult)(it really emphasized Martyn’s lips!), I tried just plain desaturating, but ended up ditching it since it never felt like it jived well with the rest of the video.

All that aside, I finished this one really late (for me, which was past midnight on the day it was going to be posted), so I’m glad it was out on time. It’s the one I put in the most effort for, and I’m glad to see people enjoy it.

The eye on its own, which reveals the Watcher symbol I accidentally did in the wrong orientation. Oops!

Programs used: Aseprite, After Effects

-

Animal I Have Become (Day 6) was thought on for a while. Eventually I have my eureka moment and I thought it was a nice shout out to the Bannedstory community who I’ve followed in my early days, where I’d watch animations of people’s custom OCs (original characters) made with Maplestory sprites animated to audio clips that I really wasn’t supposed to be listening to at the time lol. That, and all the online games and the like I grew up with on the early internet. I personally didn’t partake in it, but roleplaying on those was a common sight, and I found it endearing. 

My partner in crime for this day in particular was @thefluxqueen, because I really can’t be bothered with character customization for a lot of these games (I respect the craft but I lack the patience), but I knew who LOVED doing that. He really knocked it out of the park, helping me do the Gachalife, Club Penguin, and the characters for Animal Jam and Ponytown. For the latter, they handed me the account information and we just went to town.

A Treebark stream in a just world.

I can’t tell you exactly how I assigned the lyrics, but I definitely assigned the animal sections during the chorus so it was a surprise (and so it also fit the lyrics). I did have fun recording and we had a fun time in Ponytown. We were shown where other mcyt fans are by a Grian pony (Hermit Hill) and then we hung out there sitting down while we workshopped the Bannedstory segments with both our sonas together. All in all a great time.

It took a few takes.

Programs used: Bannedstory 3 (I would’ve loved to use 4, I grew up with that!), Gachalife, Club Penguin, Animal Jam, Ponytown, Windows Movie Maker 6, OBS

-

For Bring Me to Life (Day 7)... I ended up getting more attached to the thought of it the longer this project went on. 

I wanted it to be the end all be all, go out with a bang and everything. I kept thinking and thinking, how do I end Treebark week? After a week of homages, how do I make the last one?

What’s beyond my childhood? It was just growing up. But it’s not like I had to let anything go. My artistic endeavors are influenced by all of my experiences. I saw good reason to bring it all home, do a callback to the styles of the entire week, it’s my victory lap.

And why not call back every instance of Treebark through the entire series then? This evolved into me learning more about Martyn’s lore because I want to be informed! I want to make this as someone who earnestly loves the narrative of these characters, and the stories they’ve told.

From a story perspective, it felt like Martyn was always doomed to tragedy. Suppose the life series always does end tragically, but Martyn’s Vtuber in relation to all this has its own inherent tragedy to it. In my eyes, this roamer of cyberspace constantly has to live through different lives with familiar people. The people he loved and cared for in one world will always be ripped from him, and he knows that.

Amongst everything the Unguided Hand gets me the most. In the video I drew the Ren he chases as a shadow. He’ll never get the Ren he knew then, back. Even if he meets another Ren in another world, it's never going to be The Red King. To me, Limited Life is the snapping point, a point of selfishness above all else in the comfortable knowledge that he wins, without ever needing to experience the same closeness and loyalty he had in lives past. The realization that this is what the game was about. Winning at all costs. I wanted the progression to reflect that.

Deep down, maybe he yearns to be saved from all that. The song echoes that sentiment. I tried to match the lyrics to how I saw the timeline of events as close as possible for that to hit. In this, Ren is his anchor, someone that he gets drawn to no matter the incarnation. The tragedy is that Ren, even if he knows about what Martyn’s going through, can’t join him in this journey. Martyn will always be alone in this experience, and Ren can only be a short comfort before the cycle starts anew. 

I quite liked the pixel art I did for LimLife!Martyn

From a meta perspective, this video (and by extension, the whole series) is about art and creating. I have been obsessed with art for 14 years now, and as time goes on I’ve grown fond of every way that we, as people, have evolved our storytelling. The multitudes of mediums that we have developed to express ourselves and share narratives will continue to fascinate me endlessly. Cringe be damned, there is a universal desire to create and enjoy stories of all folds. From the smallest story told from painstakingly typing chat boxes for little custom-made characters to say, to the highest production play put on for multiple hours in a game of Minecraft. 

And at the beginning of my journey lay paper and pencil. Bring Me To Life is an elaborate pun on my end, yes, but also a reflection of my roots. I started my journey as an artist endlessly doodling the adventures of tiny magical girls fighting demons, drawing fanart of costumes in MMO games I found cool, and sharing them with my friends at school. I find myself still drawing, still creating, for hundreds, if not thousands of eyes to see. Still I get inspired by the stories others tell, and I create in turn. In appreciation, in love. 

Bring Me To Life as a song, is a slate that, to me, reflected what I saw in the relationship of Treebark. Bring Me To Life is also a demand, of a piece of art that I had a vision for, that I wanted to bring to life. I struggled at how to end it for a while. Closing the book became very straightforward. It’s the end of this video, this saga, and another way that me, as a Watcher myself (as what they’re originally meant to represent) exercises control over stories in my own unique way. Creation is never limited to a select few. I think everyone should keep getting inspired by the things around them, and keep making art in turn.

To the people who’ve made it til the end here, make art, keep creating. Do shitty doodles, write whatever you want, make sounds and crafts and keep living. That’s all I really want, and this was what this whole series was about.

Programs used: mspaint, Aseprite, Blockbench, Bannedstory 3, Pencil and paper, After Effects

[aghostinmyownmachine]

dbh-adjacent writing-program nonsense under the cut, a.k.a. let's talk a bit about WriteMonkey 3

I've used WriteMonkey 2 and 3 on and off for. hm. I guess it's gotta be eight or nine years now? but those instances of use have always been erratic and short lived, and I've usually returned to either Scrivener or, more frequently for many reasons, MS Word. (I also did just a ton of first-draft writing in discord back when I had an account and c/ped my writing from there into Word. near-peerless syncing between devices, appalling security practices. what can ya do 🙃)

anyway, due to ~circumstances~ I've switched to writing on a computer that isn't my writing program–filled work laptop, and so I've been experimenting with WM3 again because it's super lightweight due to plaintext markdown instead of rich text and I have a license key for it, which = fun plugins. it's also way less complicated and labor intensive to set up per project and use than, say, Scrivener. I love Scrivener! but scriv can be overwhelming and distracting when all I want to do is write, especially if I want a unique, quick-to-set-up theme (and I always do, because Aesthetic Is Everything), which is one of the reasons WM3 is so handy

in addition to the gorgeous stripped-down UI that showcases whatever background I choose (mine can be found here!), WM3 has some really neat little plugins? I don't actually use the word-frequency checker myself, but WM3's shows you where each word appears in the document via the little indicator bars to the right of the word, which. rad! (you can tell at a glance which chapters are written in whose POV based off name usage alone and I think that's neat.) also, when you click on a given word in the frequency list, it'll highlight that word throughout the document and also display all uses of it vertically over the scroll bar path. lots of nice little visual indicators of what's going on. I just really like the design, it's simple but extremely useful and intuitive

admittedly, Scrivener cannot be beat when it comes to how easily you're able to make notes in it due to its multitude of note-taking locations, plus it has internal splitscreen capabilities that make referencing a second document a breeze, so there's definitely a mental transition involved when it comes to WM3 and its single-document-at-a-time system, on top of switching to markdown-style comments/reminders. that said! being able to not only see those comments below the headings in the left-hand sidebar but also jump to them when they're clicked? stellar 10/10 would use again

finally, the repository. I <3 the repository. being able to quickly toss whatever text I'm not quite ready to delete or info I know I'll want to reference at some point in the future into the repository is great. it's a seamless process, only a couple seconds' worth of effort required, allowing my focus to stay on what I'm writing instead of distracting myself by tabbing my way through various open files to find my notes. plus the repository is searchable(!!!!!), and using it also keeps the actual text editor clean visually, especially since the right-hand sidebar can be hidden too:

hm! possibly that is a sneak preview of chapter one! who can say!

so yeah! if you're looking for a stripped-down, highly customizable, portable writing program, I absolutely recommend it. there are downsides, of course, the biggest one being no official WM3 mobile options available at present, but since the program is both portable and plaintext, you can toss it into a syncing service and access it via your handheld devices that way. it's also not open source, and you need to pay to access the truly useful plugin features. with all that said, if you don't mind fiddling around with some CSS to make everything look juuuuuuuuust right, you can get yourself a really snazzy setup with relatively little effort. but maybe that's just me—aesthetic is king and all that

[morallygreyvigilante67]

Okay so I recently stumbled across a fan theory for Warframe that honestly makes a lot of sense. That being that Kaleen became Ember Prime.

I know this has probably been talked about a lot, but the thought won't leave me alone so here we are.

so, the three things I'm going to be talking about in relation to this theory are:

< The disappearance of the Zariman Ten Zero

< Origin/Nature of the warframes

< Kaleen

The first two points are both pretty lengthy so I'll only be talking about the parts that are relevant to the theory. Also, it goes without saying, but spoiler warning for the overall story of Warframe.

The disappearance of the Zariman Ten Zero

Admittedly, the disappearance of the Zariman Ten Zero itself doesn't have much to do with the theory. I'm only really bringing it up because of how the incident was treated.

To put it briefly, the Zariman Ten Zero was a colony ship that was sent on a Void Jump to the Tau System with the intention of, well, colonizing it. Something went wrong, and the ship disappeared without a trace. It was assumed that the crew had perished.

Some time later the ship re-emerged, seemingly untouched. The only survivors being the children that would eventually become the Tenno.

Publicly, the incident was covered up, and the Zariman was reported to be a military ship and that there were no children on board.

How does this link to the theory? I'm getting to that.

Origin/Nature of the warframes

Again, I'm not going to go too in-depth here.

To put it simply, warframes were - are? - created by injecting the Helminth strain of infestation into host bodies. Initial attempts proved to failures, at least, until the development of Transference technology which would allow another person (notably, the Tenno) to project their consciousness into the host bodies.

Some people volunteered for the project (Gara Prime), while others were forced (Excalibur Umbra). But one thing that seems consistent is that the warframes themselves lose their free will entirely, or at the very least it was significantly reduced.

Kaleen

Kaleen was the principal investigator of the Zariman Ten Zero's disappearance. Initially she assumed the disappearance was the result of a mechanical failure, informed the families affected, and closed the case.

When the Zariman re-emerged Kaleen reopened the investigation, during which she was burned and blinded by one of the children after breaking procedure.

Kaleen was burned by uncontrolled void powers, not a warframe since - at this point in time - warframes as we know them hadn't been created yet, not to a point where they would be in active use since the program wouldn't be successful until some time after this incident had occured.

So, what does all of this mean?

From what I can see, Kaleen is only mentioned in Ember Prime's codex. The codex makes no mention of Ember Prime, which seems kind of strange. The only other codex I can think of that does this is Rhino Prime's but his at least references him (or, at the very least, what can be assumed to be an earlier attempt at creating him) though not by name.

I can't see why else Kaleen would have been mentioned in Ember Prime's codex if there was no connection.

So this begs the question, why turn Kaleen into a warframe?

Simple, Kaleen was in charge of the initial investigation into the Zariman, she was the one who reopened the investigation, the one who found the children who would later become the Tenno.

The Orokin wanted to keep as much information as they could about the Zariman (and the Tenno by extension) a secret. Kaleen was someone who already knew too much. And, as I mentioned earlier, warframes effectively have no - or limited - free will. An extreme method of keeping someone silent it may be, but if you look into the origin of Excalibur Umbra, it's not too much of a stretch to assume the Orokin would do something similar here.

[radiantlyrey]

Thoughts on Uprising ep11, Grounded

- cold open: this one is a little odd, because it hasn’t got any established characters. basically just a demonstration of how ridiculous curfews are in Argon, I guess? and the program here appears a few more times in the episode, so… I’ll allow it.

- Beck saving the day like usual, also interesting that we see use of the whole “lower the ground” thing we first saw used on Sam in Legacy?? but it’s in staffs, apparently. Beck does a good job freeing the programs (and I’ve gotta say it is extremely ridiculous that breaking curfew is punished with…. mere summary execution, basically? like the whole point of the Games in Clu’s reign is they are a gladiatorial fight to the death, so…… why are you punishing programs who made what is likely a simple mistake with…. death?? doesn’t seem like that adds up to a good look, is all I’m saying)

- Tesler has once again come up with a plan to capture the Renegade “once and for all” and we know how his previous plans have panned out, so………. yeah. also I was very interested in Pavel giving Tesler some upgrades to his code in the form of new weapons we see in the climax of the episode.

- love the reappearance of jai alai from the original TRON!!!!! very cool. also nice to see Beck actually hanging out with his friends for once, though of course it kind of goes pear-shaped once Tesler makes his announcement. Beck’s offhand catch of the ball was pretty badass, though.

- quick chat at Tron’s about the plan, but THEN. the other shoe finally drops with Able!! like. Beck. Kiddo, honey, child, you have got to start doing Your Actual Job (and I don’t mean your Renegade job, either)!!!!!! this is why you’re grounded; you’re proving to be too unreliable, and like…. you and Able can both be right! Two things can be important at the same time!! It’s okay!!!! but I understand why you are frustrated, Beck. and Able, too.

- then Able leaves Link in charge of keeping Beck there and Beck leaves anyway and SIGHHHHHHH yeah, this is a whole thing.

- Beck + Tesler fight: REALLY FUCKING COOL. that shot of Tesler with his cape going and the shards of glass everywhere was fucking BADASS. like, evil badass, but STILL. and Beck is, not for the first time, out of his depth with Tesler, and very nearly does not make it through the fight. except there is a mysterious program~~ who cuts Tesler’s arm off and saves Beck and I thought for SURE it was Tron because I completely forgot the end of this episode and also the nice misdirect showing Tron looking for Beck earlier and yeah

- re: the ending: I COMPLETELY FORGOT THIS WAS THE ENDING TO THIS EPISODE. HOLY SHIT. ABLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BECK HAS TWO CONCERNED DADS NOW (though admittedly one of them is more concerned about his overall wellbeing than the other one is…….) like….. I always love it when shit like this happens in superhero shows, when the secret the hero has been trying so hard to keep is finally found out—but by a friend, who is concerned, who wants to help. IT’S SO GOOD!!!!!!

- other littler things: this is the second or third time Tesler’s referred to the Renegade as a terrorist, which…. he kind of is? especially when it comes to all the sabotage he’s doing in various places (the statue of Clu, the drill, etc). also the “I don’t negotiate with terrorists” line is both hilarious and *SIGH* because Dubya and all that // love that we see the program from the start seem genuinely moved by what she saw in the fight between Tesler and the Renegade, just that image of her standing in the square for presumably hours, just thinking about what happened…. good shit good shit // also nice to see Zed change his tune about the Renegade after seeing the fight…. while I don’t deny that Zed has been on the wrong side of Beck’s antics more than once, it’s nice that he’s got a little perspective on it now // the whole end to the fight was just… amazing. the silent crowd, Tesler running off rather than declaring victory, Pavel trying to get the state’s hold back on things…. amazing, A+, no notes. also PERFECTION IS FREEDOM making a reappearance….. it is such a chilling slogan and I love it

- this was a surprisingly engaging episode! I didn’t take very many notes at all because I was too busy getting wrapped up in it!! and the ENDING!!!!!! HOLY SHIT. STILL NOT OVER IT.

[missbaphomet]

I totally agree with your post on sex ed. It gave me quite a bit of culture shock too ngl.

In France when I was in middle school when i was 10-14 years old, sexual anatomy was part of the regular natural sciences curriculum, and isn't considered sex education. "How babies are made" is also gone over in a scientific manner, and isn't part of sex ed.

Sex ed was more about sexual relationships, not overhyping your first time, learning to listen to your partner and so on. The whole pleasure part is explained in sex ed too. Forms of contraception, who to talk to if we're worried, sexually transmitted diseases and so on. Parents have to sign an agreement form to allow their child to attend. So kids who don't attend still have anatomy and "how babies are made" lessons regardless of having had sex ed or not.

I've seen some people say american sex ed is where they talk about homosexuality and such. In france, that's part of the regular civic education curriculum.

I'm surprised. Do americans not have sexual anatomy lessons outside of sex ed?

(the curriculum is actually p cool. We have classes on technology and kids learn very simple coding basics, even my mum coded an elevator back in school when she was 14. But we also have classes on geology so it's not amazing or anything. And most teachers suck.)

I went through the American school system in the deep south, which is a region noted for being extremely religious and also having really shitty schooling (these are often cyclical- school sucks bc people are religious and people are religious because school sucks).

I did not get any lessons on the reproductive system until high school, and even then it was more of a cursory overlook during a biology class. My sex ed classes did not cover any form of contraception outside of abstinence (abstinence only sex ed) and did not involve any discussions of puberty or what to expect. In kindergarten we got a lesson that basically amounted to "if an adult touches you where a swimsuit covers, that's bad" which of course leads to some confusion among kids because they don't understand the nuance of "my dad picked me up and in the process he briefly touched my chest" and "I am being sexually abused".

I have a passionate hatred for abstinence only sex ed, especially seeing as the lessons given in my area are designed to shame rather than educate.

The presenter for my sex ed class in 8th grade (ages 14-15) gave us the quickest and least detailed overview of STDs (no pictures included) and then pulled a strip of office tape and stuck it to her arm and pulled it off repeatedly. The analogy therein being that each time you had sex (were stuck to her arm) you lost value and eventually would become worthless and undesirable. This is a super common demonstration, and another similar one replaces tape with a stick of gum.

As for education on puberty, my mom handed me a copy of the book Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret by Judy Blume. As you can likely tell by the title, it's got a more religious spin. In my mom's defense she also gave me American Girl's Just for Girls: A Book About Growing Up which did admittedly give good baseline info on what to expect during puberty and also gave info on different menstrual products, how menstruation works, sexual anatomy of both sexes, as well as info about deodorants and shaving.

On that note, I'll leave you with my favorite 90's sex ed program that was actually genuinely shown in American schools

[rebrandedstoryline]

Rebranded - 10.8 - Setting the Stage

Sun and Moon get to actually see Ayala’s injuries, and she allows them to tend to her. Logan arrives. He’s not happy. He has questions.

Word Count: 1,625

Covering Ayala’s injuries became the primary concern at that point. Namely the hand shaped bruise on her injured arm and the gash on her wounded hand. The massive bruise on her shoulder was easily hidden under her shirt.

Unfortunately, she was in no state to be trying to bandage her own wounds.

While it took some convincing, Sun did eventually coax the woman into allowing him to administer proper treatment. Though she was obviously tense and uneasy, she cooperated without putting up a fuss as the animatronic carefully went about the business of tending to her.

She allowed Sun to give the gash on her hand a proper cleaning. She managed to keep still as he went about the business of wrapping her hand with gauze.

Sun was extremely careful with his movements; but also incredibly skilled. His medical programming shined in this scenario. He neatly wrapped the gauze around her hand and did so without applying too much pressure to the injuries. Similar could be said of the bruise on her opposite arm.

Overall, the process was about as physically comfortable as it could be without application of pain relief.

Ayala seemed to be at least somewhat unsure of how to feel about the whole ordeal. As was noted by how she stood idle for a short while and simply stared at the bandages once Sun had finished.

Her expression was peculiar. A sort of calm unhappiness? The animatronic could not quite place it. Though she was very obviously in a state of deep thought. So her expression could just as easily be a sign of concentration.

“Ayala?...” Sun quietly spoke, mostly attempting to get the woman’s attention. Her silence and peculiar expression was admittedly making him a bit nervous. More nervous, technically. Given that someone was going to show up and begin asking them a lot of questions here shortly.

The woman offered a hum at this, seemingly jumping ever so slightly as a result of being caught off guard. She had been deep in thought, after all.

“Hm?” Ayala hummed curiously, turning her attention to Sun. The animatronic offered a rather uncertain look. Sort of a forced, nervous smile.

“Are you alright?...” Sun inquired, rather hesitantly at that. In a way, he was afraid that asking the question would result in things falling apart.

What followed was an uncomfortable period of silence. The woman just stared at him for a while.

Her expression was eerily calm. No anger. No, anything, really. She had a vacant, calm expression.

“No.” Ayala finally replied.

Despite the negative implications of her response, she did not sound upset.

Instead of elaborating further, she simply walked past Sun to go to her fridge. She had not eaten since the night before. So she was rightly hungry.

Still, her response only made Sun more nervous. Her behavior was setting off some red flags. At the same time, he couldn’t tell what those flags meant.

Why was dealing with adults always so difficult?

Children were much easier to work with.

The animatronic was so unsure of how to go about responding to that revelation that he could not even bring himself to ask for additional details. This resulted in Sun simply standing awkwardly nearby and watching as Ayala went about the business of preparing herself a simple breakfast.

The next hour or so was spent in silence. The animatronics silently watched Ayala prepare her meal and eat.

She made herself a simple mixture of ground meat and eggs, which she washed down with milk.

Part of why it had taken her so long to prepare such a simple dish was due to the fact that she had to clean her cooking utensils before and after cooking, because everything was still dirty. The animatronics had certainly made sure the house looked relatively clean. The fact of the matter was that everything was still covered in a thin layer of grime. A simple wipe down with a wet rag did not make for a thorough and proper cleaning.

Sun and Moon were both able to sense the approach of the woman’s friend before she could be made aware of his arrival. He approached as she was drying off her dishes.

There came a knock at the door, but Ayala was not even given the opportunity to answer it. Her friend simply barged into the building. A scowl was obvious on his features as he did so.

He took notice of the animatronics first, and visibly flinched in response to their presence. However, he made no move to take hostile action towards them. Instead, he quickly moved his attention to Ayala, who now stood behind her counter.

She wore what could be described as a tired but nervous expression. 

“Show me.” A sudden demand passed Logan’s lips without hesitation. A demand that the animatronics did not quite understand at first.

Until they observed as the woman calmly unbuttoned her shirt.

Not all the way. Just enough to allow her to pull the cloth aside so that she could allow him to see her injured shoulder.

Sun winced at the sight of it. While he knew that she was injured, and could detect the injury, this was the first that he had actively seen it. The guilt he felt at that moment was obvious in his expression.

Moon, on the other hand, simply avoided looking at the aftermath of his actions. He did not want to see the damage that he had caused.

The visiting male remained silent for a moment as he examined the woman’s injury. He felt around her shoulder, mindful not to press down anywhere that appeared to be afflicted by swelling. After which he helped her properly fix her shirt.

“Explain.” Logan commanded, his voice stern as he helped Ayala button up her shirt.

The woman responded with a sigh.

“I fell down the stairs.” Ayala quietly replied, obviously avoiding eye contact as she spoke.

An audible noise of annoyance escaped the man in response to this.

“That’s the story you’re going with?” Logan replied, his voice making it quite clear that he wasn’t willing to believe such an excuse.

This only made the animatronics more nervous.

“Oh, silly me! Clearly I came home and the animatronics had to fight over which of them got to introduce themselves to me first. So I became their rope in a game of tug o war.” Ayala replied, her tone incredibly sarcastic as she spoke. She had since shifted her gaze to look her friend dead in the eye. Her expression had taken on signs of annoyance. “Yes, that’s the story I’m going with! I made it to the stop of the stairs when a robot face popped out in front of me! Next thing I know I’m at the bottom of the stairs, my arm is killing me, my suitcase is busted open, and my shit is all over the floor!” She then stated, providing a short and somewhat crass version of the story that she had established with Sun and Moon.

In response to this, Logan gave her a long, prying look.

When she refused to say anything else, he wound up turning away to examine the state of the house. The floor was pretty much clean. There was no obvious debris.

The suitcase that Ayala had supposedly fallen down the stairs with had been pushed off to the side, but it was still clearly in view. Purposefully in view. He cast her one more glance, as if giving her the chance to come clean and tell him the truth.

When she still said nothing, he simply stepped away to go and inspect the suitcase.

Sun stepped out of the way as Logan walked past.

He stopped for a moment to examine the state of the suitcase. He noted that it was definitely broken. That the damage on the outside definitely lined up with it having fallen down the stairs. That matched just fine.

The problem was that Ayala’s injuries did not quite line up with the story.

He was no fool, and she knew it.

She knew that he wouldn’t buy the story that he had been given.

The real power dynamic here was the attempt at convincing him to accept the story. In convincing him not to pry for additional information.

Whether or not he did so would depend entirely on how committed she was to the bit. How committed she was to pretending that she was telling him the truth.

Beyond that, he also knew that her story was going to contain a mixture of truths and lies.

This was a whole song and dance that he was familiar with for some very specific, undisclosed reasons.

She was protecting someone. That much was obvious.

The question was who.

Luckily for Sun and Moon, it would never cross Logan’s mind that the woman meant to protect them.

They were machines programmed to perform a specific purpose. Rogue AI were incredibly rare. It was rarer still for an animatronic to go rogue without the issue immediately being reported. So he fully believed that their presence in the woman’s home was something entirely intentional. That she had unfortunately forgotten that they had been delivered.

Ergo, he was questioning who specifically it was that was in need of her protection.

Was it the people who had delivered the animatronics?

Was it the housekeeper who had supposedly cleaned the house while she was away?

Had someone else been in her home? Someone who unintentionally harmed her in a state of panic?

As of now, he had no means of knowing.

So the plan now was to decide if this was an issue pursuing, or if it was something that was better left alone.

[despairs-memorial]

I don't think division 7 was ever meant for the Remnants, though. Even before they found out where the Remnants were they were saying to kill them on sight. The program was meant to help with trauma. I always thought they were going to spread it around world wide after the tragedy calmed down to help people recover from the horrific events and regain some normalcy in the world. There's also the line about Naegi "being lied to" in the emails, which implies that someone (likely Izuru) was manipulating him/pushing him behind the scenes into doing something so drastic. I agree fully that the Future Foundation should've agreed to help out, though. It's a great test of the program and if it ends up not working they can just kill them there? They would have everyone trapped in the program it's not like their physical bodies could fight back. But I just think they just didn't even care to attempt it, unfortunately.

Then, pray tell, who is it for? Was it for Mukuro? Junko? The Reserve Course Students? Their own people? Most of those are dead, and one is clearly not working or able to really work since there seems to be no screening for it in place, given Chisa. If you argue that it's people who are working for despair directly, aren't most of them in those Monokuma helmets? They're being directly mind controlled and thus has a very simple method for it, and the rioters are, well, rioters that had their entire way of living uprooted and their status of despair is unknown due to environmental factors making it impossible to assess. Trauma and despair go hand in hand. It was trauma that broke down Mikan and Mukuro who are arguably the most loyal of Junko's followers and if the anime was actually good and had enough time, then the real brainwashing Junko would use would rely on the trauma that all the remnants have. You don't fall into despair without suffering from trauma if we're talking about despair in it's literal meaning rather than the supernatural force it seems to be in some Danganronpa media. There are supernatural aspects of the series given Komaeda's luck, alone, and admittedly, I'm not fully sure or not if despair is supposed to be like that.

While I concede on the point that Makoto could have been heavily manipulated by Izuru/another member into taking such drastic measures, he also had Kyoko and Byakuya on his side who are much more rational than him to give him advice, there is no reason to believe that they wouldn't be there to talk to him and give him actual advice given they were there with him in SDR2.

Given the HUGE focus on the talented being the chosen to be saved, I think they do care, but are forced to not to due to the extreme circumstances of the events that are transpiring. They are practical, to an extent, after all, as shown with Syo and Toko being unable to join right away and only put on an internship.

I'm going to save you some trouble with this in that, I'm stubborn. I'm always going to look at Makoto's actions through the lens of someone who will always think the worst of him because I don't like Makoto. I am fully aware the situation is incredibly complicated with manipulation on both sides and no real way of any solution being the right one due to the amount of manipulation is there. There was no correct or safe way of rehabilitating the remnants even with future foundations help or without it simply due to the manipulations of Despair that are on the inside. The only answer that would lead to is the civil war amongst them thus eliminating most of the last talented chosen. There is no clear cut simple answer because there are too many conflicting mindsets of the people who run Future Foundation along with their own goals that they are focused on.

[ketoflowgummiesinprice]

Reviews 2022 Secret Updated Facts Behind Tea Burn Revealed! Keto Flow Gummies

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Keto Flow Gummies – in pharmacy – dangerous – composition – how to lose weight

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How to lose weight and get back in shape after the holidays? Between lunches, dinners, treats, different aperitifs and unplanned meals, our body asks us to quit smoking.

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Keto Flow Gummies – official site – how to use – action – Infinite health coach

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Keto Flow Gummies – cheap – price – serum – slimming treatment

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Keto Flow Gummies – reviews – Amazon – tablets – health coach

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[boffys-coffee]

Recommendations based on your favorite dsmp creator

Maybe you’ve seen all the content your CC has to offer (until they post something a few months from now), maybe you want to expand your horizons, maybe you’re not really interested in the fandom anymore. For whatever reason, you want to explore some new content outside of the Dream SMP circle, well, here’s some recommendations based on how similar their content is to a DSMP creator’s.

If you like Dreamwastaken, check out:

Boosfer

Boosfer is a youtuber who does almost exclusively manhunts, but uses many twists to keep them fresh. His other similarities with Dream include his penchant for flirting with and teasing his friends, having a simple green skin with a smile, and being extremely good at the game. He appeared in MCC rising with his friends where they swept the floor (save for dodgebolt, which they did not win), and his team’s skill put them on the radar.

If you like Tommyinnit or Quackity, check out:

Boffy

If you like more chaotic, trolly content, boffy is an excellent watch, whether you prefer Tommy’s boldness or quackity’s manic antics, you can get them both from boffy. He actually has played with Tommyinnit before, in a two-part rlcraft series which is a great watch if you don’t mind young Tommy’s squeaky voice. But they have drifted more apart, as where Tommy loves cows, boffy’s one mission in life is to kill all of them.

If you like Fundy, check out:

doctor4t

doctor4t’s content is a lot like fundy’s, if, instead of a fox furry anime character, his branding was centered around a rat in a maid dress. He programs custom mobs and plug-ins, and it’s very entertaining to watch him and his friends play them. His editing style and sense of humor are also very similar to Fundy’s.

If you like Philza, HBomb94 or Ranboo, check out:

Squiddo

Squiddo sometimes gets called the “girl tommyinnit”, but her content is so much more than her admittedly over the top and funny reactions. She explores a lot of features of minecraft, like the far lands, and older versions, and she’s made it her life’s mission to find herobrine. She’s also an animator, so she not only plays minecraft, but draws with her friends and hangs out on the Artist SMP!

If you like Badboyhalo or Skeppy, check out:

KIER and DEV

If you like Badboyhalo and Skeppy’s constant arguing like a married couple, Kier and Dev are the ones for you. The channel is owned by the two, who even have a red and blue color scheme, though there is a lot more profanity and adult humor than you’d ever get from Skeppy or BBH. They do a lot of minecraft manhunts with twists as excuses to troll each other.

[my-writings-and-musings]

I came up with lil idea, not intented to be a request but up to you what you do with this

So, human is getting miserable, sluggish and tired. Bots ask human why, they're not sure, Rung doesn't give an answer because patient confidelity. Whirl asks if he can kill someone. Magnus says maybe. But Swerve, the lil dude, comes up with an answer. He figures it's because of the metallic nature of the ship and the human just misses nature. So they gather a group of the humans friends to help with a project, and Swerve and Ten are the "bosses". Swerve shows them what Earths nature looks like, and multiple bots lend their talents to transform two unused habsuits into thing gigantic, realistic looking forest. Some bots bend metals to create trees and Ten paints them. Percy comes up with a way to create a small weather system that creates mist and rain and stuff like that. Multiple bots make tiny, or as tiny as they can make them, animal sculptures, and again Ten paints them. Brainstorm makes the ceiling look real. It works on human time and basically there's sunset and sunrise, along with a starry sky of the milkyway. Rewind collects animal and nature sounds from the nature documents Swerve has, and now theres a stereo in the rooms that quietly play said noises. Theres just an incredible amount of detail that goes into these rooms, with a vent/tunnel that connects them. In the end it's just an exact replica of a forest you'd see on Earth. Hours upon hours were poured into these rooms, multiple bots spent a good amount of their free time in the making of these rooms for the sake of their human friend. And it pays off. The human cries from happiness. They start to become themselve again and frequently spent their free time in the room.

That's it that's the idea

That idea is BEAUTIFUL.

Rung wants to offer assistance, but therapy isn't quite enough, and he's only one bot. Whirl assumes someone must be bothering his favorite squishy, and even if that's not the case, he believes that knowing you have a buddy who'd kill for you is always helpful. It makes him feel better, anyway... Magnus considers allowing some extreme measures as it becomes clear their beloved human is indeed suffering. They're tired, glum, reclusive, and just not themselves! It doesn't take a medic to figure out this can't be good for them.

Swerve, being a sharp bot with an excellent understanding of earth, is indeed the one who puts all the pieces together. The ship wasn't built with human biology in mind, and that's having some severe consequences, both for their physical and mental wellbeing. Some rapid fire research helps him craft a genius solution, but he knows he'll need help, so he gathers a massive team in the bar. Saying it's for the human gets the entire crowd to show without delay.

Before a packed bar, Swerve lays out the situation. Humans need their environment to be a certain way, he explains, and the ship just isn't meeting those needs. Undoubtedly this is what's causing the human to feel so unwell. When some bots aren't quite convinced he has Ten hold him up so he can speak with authority, and the medics concur it's a reasonable theory, though Swerve still requests Ten hold him up because he likes to be tall. Also because it makes proposing his solution much easier when everyone can see him.

An impressive plan is detailed by charts, PowerPoint presentations, drawings, schematics along with Swerve and Ten detailing the specifics as they go. The plan is simple but impressive; make some small part of the ship feel like home. Two unused habsuites would be ideal, and while they've planned it all out, they're going to need help. In fact, they're going to need as many helpers as possible. Rodimus doesn't hesitate to put his full support behind the plan, and encourages everyone to offer what skills they can. Ultra Magnus immediately sets about recruiting and assigning tasks with the admittedly solid plan Swerve has laid out. Every bot wants to contribute something. There's over two hundred volunteers, and soon they're all working together, keeping it a secret from the human so they'll be surprised. Drift finances the massive load of supplies that they need to get started.

As sneakily as they can, the bots work in shifts to follow the blueprints, with Swerve acting as the expert on all things Earth and Ten backing him up. The initial construction is the easy part; it's everything after that's difficult. When "renting" earth animals proves too difficult and Magnus forbids cloning more, they decide that art will do the trick, and thankfully they have lots of material to work with and ample artists to make it work. Metal is bent and soldered into the shape of earth's flora and fauna, with the artistically gifted Ten bringing it to life through his excellent painting skills.

On the scientific front, the laboratory goes a little wild creating ways to capture the "essence" of life on Earth, with Perceptor inventing a simple but elegant device to mimic the planet's atmospheric phenomena. Mist, rain, humidity, aridity, even the scent of ozone... It's all in there, and it even has a handy remote! Quite proudly, he points out that the entire room will even recycle it's own water supply, just like earth does. Not to be outdone (and to show off) Brainstorm sets about reformatting the entire ceiling. For him, it's not enough that the room can mimic the climate of the planet, it needs to look like it too. Though tempted to go all out with extreme weather modes, he settles for a ceiling that produces a realistic sky just like the one on Earth. It can be sunny, cloudy, starry, and even follow a set schedule!

But of course, as a very smart minicon points out, Earth is not a silent planet! Rewind puts his talent to use gathering the sounds of animals and plants and weather patterns, all of which he mixes into a sound program of unfathomable complexity to give the room a thriving ambience. Whether it's birdsong or a gentle rain, the human will long for the sound of their home no longer. Or at least he hopes as much.

In total there's no way to know how many hours were poured into the project, but the result is well worth it. There's a grand gathering when the human is brought to see the finished effort, and for a moment, no bot dares blink at the suspense. Everyone can only hope it works...

It does, to a degree they never could have anticipated. Their long suffering friend breaks out into happy tears, in part because of the planet they so long for, but mostly due to the incredible effort that's been put in on their behalf. Everyone worked on this in some capacity, there's not a single member of the ship that didn't contribute, and it was all for their beloved human. More than a few bots cry as well. So much hugging happens that they lose track of it all. The human camps out in the room that night with a lot of bots for company, and they actually have to keep track of who does so to ensure everyone who wants to gets a turn. Some find they like hanging out in the room so much the list of bots who want to see Earth magnifies exponentially. They all promise to the human they'll go together someday. But, for now, everyone is content to relax in their little slice of the humans home.

[cousinmarcustalkswrestling]

Best WWE Matches of 2020 10-6

10

Becky Lynch vs Shayna Baszler - Raw Women’s Title - Wrestlemania 36 Day One

The result of this has made it one of the more underappreciated matches of the year. These two, along with Asuka, might have the strongest presences on the women’s roster. Even though there isn’t a soul in the crowd, this still feels like a monumental fight when they face off. Its only about 8ish minutes, but they tell a full fleshed out story in that time of “The Man” facing someone who can best her in wrestling acumen, physicality, and sheer intensity.. This is a super physical, stiff sprint between two women who welcome a fight. Their submission attempts and counters were were intense and dramatic as hell. Shayna looked like an absolute beast here and Becky sold like a champ and gave her all she could handle. The finish was perfect and easily set up a program between these two, but we didn’t get it for various reasons. But despite the aftermath, they had a hell of a match here and I’ll be awaiting the rematch years from now. Man, Becky was having a hell of a year before having to leave

9

Sasha Banks vs Bayley - Smackdown Women’s Title - Smackdown November 06

Sasha had just dethroned Bayley in an awesome match at Hell in a Cell and this was Bayley’s rematch. Sasha never having a successful title defense was heavily played up by Bayley and commentary, so Sasha came out with something to prove. She was super aggressive and reckless a few times which Bayley was able to counter. She caught Sasha on the apron and gave her a face first monkey flip. Later on in the match, Sasha is going for a sunset flip powerbomb, but Bayley ranas her into the announce table. One thing this match has that was a little lacking from their Hell in a Cell match was a little more hatred through characterization. The combination of the storytelling and aggression makes this match feel like It would’ve been perfect to happen before Hell in a Cell. Bayley hits the Bayley to Belly and locks in the Bank Statement, but in the end, Sasha makes her tap to the Bank Statement for a SUCCESSFUL TITLE DEFENSE and all is right in the world.

 8

Sasha Banks vs Asuka - Raw Women’s Title - Extreme Rules

One, this match not main eventing was an absolute travesty. No other match had a smidgen of the hype that this match had and after the work they both put in through this year, they deserved the main event spot. Two, This, BY FAR, has the worst ending of a great match that you’ll see all year. Its WCW 2000 levels of stupid. Everything before the ref bump was beautiful wrestling though. Part of the hype was that they only had one match before this and that was a banger on Raw in January 2018. They reference that match super early, when Asuka goes for the knee lift that decapitated Sasha in their first match, and Sasha immediately counters to a Bank Statement attempt. After that, they have a beautiful New Japan esque match with hard strikes, submission attempts, and quality countering. Its so intense that I really believed they were gonna try a German suplex from the top to the floor. Sasha shouts out her banger against Io Shirai and powerbombs Asuka against the Plexiglass barricade. Asuka destroys Sasha with brutal consecutive German suplexes. Sasha goes to the top and falls down in a botch, but it actually adds to the match because she gets up crying and saying she has to win this match to be the best. Asuka feels the desperation in the same way and tries to mist Sasha, but hits the ref instead. Then we get a really stupid ending to a really awesome match. Grrrrr.

7

Roman Reigns vs Kevin Owens - TLC Match - Universal Title - TLC

The Tribal Chief has reclaimed the Universal Title that he never lost, put his cousin in his place, and beat Drew McIntyre in a interpromotional match. Enter Kevin Owens; One of the company’s elite talents that hasn’t quite been in a featured position because of injuries and just roster mismanagement and whatever. Owens was a great choice for the next Roman opponent because he can get himself over through his talking, he has badass credentials, and just like Roman, he’s used his family as the primary motivation for his actions.

After weeks of being jumped by Roman and Jey, KO flips the script and jumps Roman during his entrance and beats him with a chair. Its NO DQ, so Jey Uso instantly interferes, but KO brutally beats his leg and Pillmanizes him, evening out what was looking like a handicap match. Roman takes over by drive by kicking the steel steps into KO’s face and he proceeds to try to destroy KO with all the weaponry around the ring. KO gets powerbombed on a ladder, backdropped on a ladder, and Uranaged (or should I say Rock Bottomed) through a table.

Through all of this punishment, KO makes tremendously heroic comebacks that feel as real as anything you’ve seen this year. Its not just standard babyface heroics, his comebacks are perfectly timed and they truly feels like a guy reaching digging deep and giving it his all. Both Samoans take powerbombs through tables and in the most dramatic moment, KO dodges a spear and Roman violently crashes through the barricade. This is one of the those matches I REALLY was in front of a crowd, because they would’ve been shitting themselves. In the end, the pesky Jey Uso, a low blow, and the guillotine subdues KO and Roman retains. Tremendous performances from everybody involved and the storytelling with the interference was really well-structured.

6

AJ Styles vs Daniel Bryan - Intercontinental Title Tournament Final Match - June 12 Smackdown

Just give em a finish and get out of their way. Sami Zayn’s COVID absence opened up the Intercontinental Title and we got a good old fashioned tournament out of it with the two living legends as the finalists. I admittedly haven’t seen anything from their 2018-2019 feud, but this was a straight up babyface banger. They get about 25+ minutes (that we actually see) and they make great use of every second in true veteran fashion. AJ targets Bryan’s leg early and Bryan responds by viciously ramming AJ’s shoulder into the turnbuckle post. With that, they have a simple and excellent pure wrestling match. Bryan asserts himself as more of the aggressor as the match goes on. There’s a great sequence where AJ goes for the Phenomenal Forearm, but Bryan snatches him out of the sky into an armbar, but AJ counters that to a calf crusher, THEN Bryan counters that to the Yes Lock. Bryan’s leg gives out on a backflip and AJ hits him with his pretty quebrada DDT. Bryan goes for the running knee, but Aj scoops him right up into the Styles Clash then hits the forearm for the win. An excellent display of pacing, psychology, creative counters, and most importantly selling from two of the best we’ve ever seen. This was the match the “workhorse” belt deserved.

[mi-ma-mo]

Eye-shiteru

Character(s): Date Kaname, Aiba, Amanoma Futa (Pewter) and Kuranushi Shizue (Boss). 

Ratings: T for Teen and up audiences

Summary: Date meets Aiba for the first time. It’s weird.

Author’s Note: The events described in this fic may differ from their actual meeting in-game. I just LOVE Aiba and AI in general, so I wanted to explore this part of the game a bit more. There are spoilers if you squint. 

Read it here or on AO3. Enjoy! 

“The official title is "AI-Ball". You may call her Aiba.”

Date stared at the round device in the palm of Pewter’s hand. He didn’t have the best view on it from where he was standing but it sure looked to be an eyeball. 

“The artificial intelligence contained within this sphere is nothing short of miraculous,” Pewter continued. The scientist was always excited to talk, but today he seemed to be in even higher spirits as he presented his proudest creation yet. “An autonomous artificial intelligence, birthed from collective nanotechnology. Its ability to "think" is controlled by a program we call the Wadjet System.”

Date was listening. Of course he was! But as Pewter rambled on about the device in his hand, Date couldn’t help but have some concerns about it going from Pewter’s hand straight into his eye socket. Would that be sanitary? 

“Special Agent Date, from today forward, this is your partner. She will be your personal computer and your personal companion.”

Nodding, Date carefully picked up the device between his thumb and forefinger. He studied it for a moment. The “iris” was yellow, different from his green right eye. That… was kind of hot, right? He thought he remembered reading somewhere that women find heterochromia extremely attractive. His sources for these kinds of things were reliable of course. The trivia pages of porno magazines hadn’t let him down before, except maybe that one time–

Date immediately lost his train of thought and almost dropped the eye when it suddenly moved up to look at him. The “pupil” adjusted in size to focus on him and it was then that Date actual felt the weight of the device he was holding in his hand. If he had wanted to be more attractive to women any prosthetic eye in a different colour than his biological one would have sufficed, but now he was signing up for so much more. 

He had butterflies in his stomach, but they were from nerves or excitement he couldn’t tell. Maybe it was both? He spared a glance at Pewter who was smiling at him as if to be saying ‘Go on’. 

“Not to be rude, but is this–” “Sanitary? Yes, of course. You see–” 

Date zoned out for the long and winded explanation that followed. Something about some kind of gel being bacterial- and virus-resistant, pH-neutral, and giving the device freedom of movement as well. Date was unsure about what Pewter meant with that last part, but he decided against asking any follow-up questions about it. He was more focused on the eye itself and how it seemed to study him as much as he was studying it. 

“Well, upsy-daisy,” Date said as he finally lifted the device and attempted to pop it into his eye socket. 

The eye went in surprisingly easy despite him not having any experience with prosthetic eyes. Once the eye seemed to be settled in place a few things happened in quick succession.

A small shock wave was sent through his nervous system without warning. It wasn’t painful, but it did make his hair stand on end. Then, immediately after, something alien to him happened. 

The AI-Ball adjusted its “pupil” and for the very first time Date experienced depth perception. He had taught himself to live around his inability to correctly estimate distance, but this… He had no idea just how much he had been missing out on. 

Looking at Pewter now Date was reminded of pop-up picture books. There was no other way for him to describe just how much of a difference his newfound depth perception made. Of course, his overall vision had improved too. He felt a slight headache coming up just from the information overload. 

And then, suddenly, a clear female voice spoke in his mind.  

[ Hello. My name is Aiba. What is your name? ] 

Admittedly, it took Date an embarrassingly long time to form a simple reply. “My name is Kaname Date. Nice to meet you, Aiba.”

[ It’s nice to meet you too, Date. There is much I have to discuss with you, but for now, I will have Pewter do the talking for me. ]

Aiba had barely finished her sentence before Pewter began yet another spiel, this time about how Date wouldn’t have to speak out loud to be heard by Aiba. These were all things Date had heard before, Pewter had given him a rundown with every new feature he developed, but this time he did do his best to listen. Being able to speak with each other without actually needing to exchange words was perhaps the most convenient perk of his new eye. 

Pewter also gave Date a rundown on how to take care of Aiba. For some reason, it came as a surprise to him that she would have to be charged just like any other electronic device. Everything else Pewter had told him about her sounded so high-tech that he had assumed Aiba could recharge just by getting a few hours of sunlight or something. He sure hoped he would never get in a situation in which Aiba’s battery would die at the most crucial moment.

Then came the paperwork. There was so much of it. Pewter sat him down and made him read and agree to all of it. The ink pad for his Hanko seal was going to be dried up by the time he had stamped every page that asked for his signature. It was a boring yet necessary task that left him with enough time to think and ask some questions. 

[ I’m sorry for exposing you to all this boring paperwork right of the bet. My life is more exciting than this usually, ] Date thought to Aiba. [ Can you hear all my thoughts or just the ones I want you to hear? ] 

[ Unknown. You do not appear to be thinking much, if at all. ] The clear female voice he had heard before replied.  

“Excuse me?!” Date said out loud, startling Pewter who was sitting right beside him and had been reading along. 

[ You are excused. ]

“Is something the matter?” Pewter asked. “If you would like me to explain something that is written here I can.”

Date shook his head and continued reading. Who did Aiba think she was?

[ I’m me. ]

Well… that at least answered his question from earlier. 

“Say Pewter, it seems Aiba can hear my thoughts regardless if they are targeted to her or not. Would you say that is a feature or a bug?” 

No sooner had Date asked that question or Pewter and Aiba shouted ‘It’s not a bug!’ in unison, something which was no small feat as they currently couldn’t hear each other. Despite the ringing in his ears (and brain?), Date let out a hearty laugh. 

“I’m only kidding. It is of no concern to me if that is one of Aiba’s…” Date paused for dramatic effect, “features. I trust you and this technology, so I don’t consider this an invasion of my privacy. That’s what all this paperwork is about, right?” 

Date gestured at all the papers that still needed his seal of approval. He was aware you needed to be a certain kind of person to be able to agree to essentially having a person (be it an artificial one) share your brain space with you. If he were to believe Pewter and all the legal stuff in these papers than his thoughts and memories would be stored safely in the cloud connected to the Wadjet System. 

While this would freak almost anyone out, Date found a sort of comfort in it. Having his eyesight back was nice and of course having an AI partner would come in handy for his job, but the knowledge that he could have his memories stored away safety had unknowingly played the biggest part in him agreeing to do this. If he were to lose his memory again, then at the very least not all of him would be lost this time.  

“Well, yes. It would be a lie if I didn’t say most of these papers concern your privacy, but there’s a bit more nuance to it than just that. I don’t think you can put a price tag on life-changing technology like this. That being said, this is a rather large business expense for just one individual. That’s why I was gone to speak with the higher-ups that often, to explain to them that this would be for everyone’s benefit.” 

Pewter sounded tired as he said that. He looked tired as he said that. Date had asked him many times before if he should come with for these dreaded discussions, but every time Pewter had waved him off and said something along the lines of him lacking the knowledge on the technologies in question to turn the conversation around. 

It felt only right then to place a hand on Pewter’s shoulder. Surely Pewter could feel Date’s manly gratitude from that manly shoulder touch alone. Pewter’s tired expression softened into a slight smile. 

[ I suggest expressing your gratitude in words as well. We live in a society in which men being open and expressing their feelings is looked down upon. This needs to change. ] 

Date nodded as he considered Aiba’s point. Pewter was still smiling at him, but his eyebrows started to furrow as the awkward silence between them dragged on. 

“Pewter…” Date finally began, struggling to find the right words. “There’s something on my mind I’ve been meaning to say. All this time I have been thinking…” 

Date tilted his head with a sly smile. He let go of Pewter’s shoulder and pointed at his new eye in one smooth motion. “This is totally hot, right?” 

Never before had Pewter looked more puzzled, which said a lot considering he was one of the leading detectives and scientist of ABIS. The abnormal was their normal. 

“You mean Aiba? She should be matching the temperature of your body. It’s no good if she’s too hot, please take her out immediately.”

[ It is as Pewter says. I am matching your temperature to the dot. What seems to be the problem? ]

Date waved his hand before crossing his arms; what a tough crowd. “No, not that. The heterochromia! Women find it extremely attractive. I would say my charm has increased by 25– no, 50%!”

[ Affirmative. Heterochromia is an eye condition that is quite rare in the human species but is desired by many. ]

[ What? Really?! Maybe with this Reika from the cabaret club and I can– ] 

“I can’t speak for all women or any woman for that matter, but I do see the appeal,” Petwer admitted, rolling his desk chair back to its usual spot behind his PC as he spoke. “Regardless, if you can make jokes like that then you must be feeling fine. After you’ve worked through that paperwork we’ll do a few scans and tests to make sure everything is as it should be. If you will excuse me, I have some work to do.”

Date watched as Pewter rapidly entered a seemingly random string of characters to unlock his PC. How the scientist got his insanely long password right first try each time was without a doubt the biggest secret between ABIS’ walls. Date returned to his paperwork for a few moments before interrupting Pewter’s work just once. 

“Hey Pewter, thank you. Really.”

After all the paperwork from Date’s side had been dealt with and the scans and tests Pewter had put Date and Aiba through had turned up no complications, they had been told to take the rest of the day off. Boss had been very clear that they had to acclimate to each other, and although Date wasn’t one to ever go a day without working overtime, he thought it wouldn’t be bad to go home early today. 

The walk from headquarters to the spot he had parked his car had felt strangely alien to Date. All his surroundings had a new layer of depth to them, both literally and figuratively. He had been staring at the blossom tree he had parked his car under for quite some time when the clear female voice he was gradually getting used to spoke up in his mind. 

[ It’s beautiful. ] 

“…I agree, but I must say,” Date spoke as he moved his gaze from the tree to his car. “I could do without all the flower petals on my windshield.”

He began sweeping away the flower petals with his gloved hand, but not all of them felt like cooperating. The ones with a little moister on them stuck to the glass as if hanging on for dear life and got ripped in half as he passed over them. He used a gentler touch to remove those. 

Pinching one of the last of the petals between his dumb and forefinger, Date was reminded of how he had held Aiba in much the same way earlier today. Her inner parts were probably just as delicate as this blossom, but he hadn’t considered that while handling her. 

[ Not to fret, I am not as delicate as you think. I’ve been put through many pressure tests to guarantee your safety. ] 

“What about your safety? What if I dropped you and stepped on you by accident?” 

[ I would probably not suffer any damages in a scenario as such, but even if I would your safety and that of other humans would take priority over mine. You must be familiar with the Three Laws of Robotics, yes? ] 

“Remind me?”

[ One: a robot may not injure a human being or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm. Two: a robot must obey the orders given it by human beings except where such orders would conflict with the First Law. Three: a robot must protect its own existence as long as such protection does not conflict with the First or Second Laws. I am an artificial intelligence and not a robot, but these rules also apply to me. ] 

“Hmm…” Date hummed, quickly disposing of the last petals that would get in the way while driving. “If possible I will try to avoid putting you in situations in which you have to prioritize my safety above your own. This line of work comes with its fair amount of dangers, though, so no promises.”

[ …The thought is appreciated. ]

The car ride home itself was pretty uneventful safe from the fact that Date had a far easier time keeping the correct distance from cars before him. He rhythmically tapped the fingers of his right hand on the steering wheel while remaining concentrated on the road. 

If Aiba had any questions for him, then she wasn’t speaking up to ask them. That was fine, Date was tired after today away. It would take him some time to get used to all the new stimuli Aiba was giving him. He wondered if he should take her out later, much like how people with glasses would take these off after work in the evening hours. 

Coming home rather early, Date was able to find a nice parking spot near his studio. It was just something small, but he didn’t take it for granted. Usually, when he was coming home late there would be almost no parking spots left in his block, meaning he would almost always go for an unintended evening walk. 

[ That’s where I live. You’ll see it’s not much, just a place to sleep and eat, but I do like it, ] Date thought to Aiba as he looked up at the building. 

[ Home address saved to my database. Tomorrow morning I can calibrate the fastest route to Tokyo MPD. ]

[ You can do that? Neat. ]

After unlocking the front door Date opened his mailbox to find a bunch of unopened mail. He might have forgotten to take his mail out for a few days. One envelop fell out of the mailbox, but he was able to catch it in mid-air with surprising precision. Odd, he didn’t remember being able to do that before. 

Date gathered the mail and quickly looked through it as he made his way up the stairs. To his relieve it was mostly junk mail. It all went straight into the trash after he had unlocked the door to his studio, but he did hold onto one thing. 

He was smiling from ear to ear as he studied the flyer for a special event at Sunfish Pocket. The (mer)maids would be doing a special show involving dance and song, probably to attract more new costumers. The pink-haired maid was prominently on the flyer, striking a quirky pose. She seemed to be the most popular maid at Sunfish Pocket, but Date hadn’t caught her name yet. 

“Maybe if I have the time,” Date mumbled to himself as he pinned the flyer in an empty corner on his pinboard. The colourful flyer with its bold text stuck out like a sore thumb next to pictures of crime scenes and snippets of statements from victims, but he had to put it somewhere where he could see it so he wouldn’t forget to go. 

[ I can arrange a date and time for you to pay a visit to this Sunfish Pocket if you please. You gave me access to your work agenda. ]

“Thanks, but no thanks. That won’t be necessary. I will just visit them if it’s around my lunchtime and I happen to nearby for a job.”

[ As you wish. ]

Date had been so consumed by the flyer that he had forgotten to show Aiba around. Not that there was much to show, this was but a small studio after all. 

“The bathroom is over there,” he said as he looked at the only other door in the room. “I do all of my other business here. Sleep, eat, solve crimes, you name it.”

He nonchalantly pushed the porno magazines on the floor under his bed with his foot as he walked passed. The silence that followed felt heavy with judgement. 

[ You live by yourself here then? ] Aiba finally broke the silence. 

“I do. We’ll be living here together from here on forward, I suppose.”

[ In that case, I will ask you to do something about the state of this room. I have no sense of smell, but the place looks like it would stink. ] 

“Hey, I will have you know I cleaned up,” Date tried to defend himself. There indeed was a musty smell in the air, but Aiba didn’t have to know that. Date gestured at the full trash bags stashed in one of the corners of the room. “I just haven't been able to take the trash out yet, that’s all.” 

[ I suggest you take them out first thing in the morning. I will not be cooperating with you otherwise. ]

“You…” Aiba was right of course, but Date was a proud man. He wasn’t about to let an eyeball tell him what to do, especially not one with attitude. He would throw the trash bags out tomorrow, though. Not because Aiba had told him, but because he had been planning on throwing them out anyway! No other reason. 

[ Ugh, men. ] Was the last thing Date heard Aiba say before something unexpected happened. 

She fell(?) out of his eye socket. Just as she was about to hit the coffee table she got encased in some kind of transparent gel and stuck a landing. She had taken the shape of a hamster or some other kind of rodent, but where the face would be was just one big eye. 

“Wouldn’t you say my charm has increased by 25– no, 50% now that I am no longer in your eye socket?” Aiba asked, putting one of her little paws on her hip and the other one her head as if to be striking a sexy pose. 

Date frowned as he moved to sit on the floor next to the coffee table. He squinted his one eye as he looked at Aiba up close. 

“I’m going to ask Pewter to do something about that personality of yours. There shouldn’t be this much sass in just one eyeball.”

“I am simply matching yours, so if you don’t like it then do some self-reflection.”

“Excuse you.”

“I am excused.”

It was hard to tell seeing as Aiba had few to no facial features, but she seemed to be in a good mood from the way her tiny gel body was hopping around on the table as she looked around. 

“Can you tell me about those?” Aiba asked after a few moments of hopping around and observing her surroundings. 

Date followed her gaze to find the porno magazines he had unskilfully pushed under his bed. “…I would prefer not to.”

“You collect them as a hobby?” Aiba pressed on as she sat down, allowing her adorable little feet to stick up. “What else do you like? Our teamwork will improve if we get to know each other better.”

Date thought about the latter question for a moment (he refused to think on the first) before he carefully scooped Aiba up in his hands. He walked up to the windows of his studio and opened the blinds. They were a few stores off the ground and this apartment complex was one of the higher buildings in the area, so they had a bit of a view from here.

“You can’t see it from here, but there is a shrine I like to visit in that direction,” Date replied as he pointed in the direction the shrine would be. “I don’t believe in that stuff, but it’s a nice quiet place in the middle of the city. I go there often when I’m stuck on a case and I need to think.”

 “I see.”

“How about you? What do you like?”

“Insects!” Aiba proclaimed happily, almost as if she had been waiting to be asked that question. 

“Insects? What do you like about them?”

“I simply think they are cute.”

“Cute?” That was one of the last words Date would use to describe insects. “You’re weird.”

“I don’t want to hear that from a man in his thirties living by himself with a huge porno magazine collection.”

“That’s perfectly normal as far as I’m concerned!”

Aiba and Date quickly acclimated to each other in the months that followed. They made a pretty good team, their constant bickering aside. About a year later Mizuki Okiura, the daughter of Date’s friend Renju Okiura, came to live with them. She was a troublemaker for sure. Date didn’t think he was well suited to being Mizuki’s guardian, but he did try to make a home for her. Aiba always pushed Date to be the best parental figure he could be.

Around that same time, Boss had given him a call and asked him to come to her office. When he arrived she was already sitting legs crossed on top of her desk. She gestured for him to sit down in his usual spot, which he did. 

“As I said on the phone, I would like to discuss how your partnership with Aiba is going,” Boss said, indeed iterating what she had told them before on the line. “Could Aiba come out? I would like to discuss this with both of you.”

Aiba popped out of Date’s eye socket and he handed her over to Boss so she could sit comfortably next to her on the desk. Date waved at himself in Aiba’s vision and she rolled her one eye. Boss giggled at that before continuing. 

“You two seem to be getting along just fine. Date, could you start by telling me how your partnership has been treating you?”

“Yes, of course. It has been… how do I say this?” Date saw himself fidgeting in Aiba’s vision as he tried to come up with the right words. Summarizing how this past year had treated in was hard to do in just a few sentences. “It’s been eye-opening? Pun intended.”

“Absolutely hated that, but go on.”

“Well… In short, I would say it has been good? We have our differences, but it’s never something we can’t work out together. There are plenty of cases I don’t think I would have been able to crack without her and she also makes sure Mizuki and I are eating well by forcing me to go out and go grocery shopping.”

“But more importantly than that, she… I don’t know how to explain this very well. I don’t know, I guess you could say… The world has more colour now? Everything was so bleak before. I had nothing after I lost all of my memories. Even after you, Boss, had taken me under your wing I was just going through the motions. Now I look forward to every new day.”

Boss switched her legs’ positions as she pounder on what Date had said. After deliberating her own words for a few moments she replied. 

“So you would say you’re happy now?” she asked, the corner of her mouth turning up in a small smile.

“…Yes, I would say I’m happy now.”

Boss sent a knowing glance at Aiba, one that Date missed completely because he quickly wiped a tear from the corner of his eye when the opportunity to not be seen doing so presented itself.

“How about you, Aiba?” Boss continued. “Has this absolute disaster of a man been treating your well?”

“I’m sitting right here,” Date bit back, but the words didn’t come out as harshly as he had hoped.

Aiba laughed, her tiny gel body shaking slightly. “I don’t have much to add. I’m happy too, Date.”

“Great!” Boss interrupted their whole moment. She scooped up Aiba and threw her at Date. He managed to catch her, but only barely. “That’s another to do crossed off my list. Get out there and solve some crimes you two.”

“Yes, Boss!” Date and Aiba replied in unison. 

Aiba was back in Date’s eye socket before they were out of Boss’ office. After about a year of practice putting her back in was as simple as putting in a contact lens. 

[ She’s crazy, ] Date thought to Aiba. [ I’m not sure how I ever managed to befriend someone like that. ]

[ You and Boss are more alike than you might think. ]

[ Are you calling me crazy? ]

[ Affirmative. But I’m glad. My purpose is to serve you. I’m happy to hear I’m serving you well. ] 

Date reached for Aiba and carefully petted her with one finger. [ This is unlike you. Want me to have Pewter check up on you? ]

[ It takes one to know one. I saw you crying back there. ]

[ Shush. There was something in my eye, that was all. ]

[ Uh-huh. ]

A gust of wind gave them a dramatic exit as they stepped out of the Tokyo MPD building. Date didn’t know which life-changing events would be waiting for him, but he was sure of one thing. Aiba would always be there to have his back. 

[canttelliotte-blog]

Incredibly long, overly detailed post I spent too much time on.

Tl:dr AITA for telling someone they were coming off as an ungrateful, privileged asshole who didn't seem to recognize or truly appreciate what they have? I blew up after a series of encounters, they seemed oblivious to their lifestyle and support and how truly different life could have turned out without it. I called them out after weeks of trying to be empathetic but couldn't take how helpless they were acting when I would kill for the kind the support they were complaining about and taking for granted.  

I should use a throwaway because I know this person will probably see this but I don't have the energy. I'll try to keep this short (actually super long sorry) I feel like I already know I was sort of harsh and out of line. This whole thing has just been sticking with me and I feel really messed up about it.  

Alright, so context, back story. I had a breakdown in February and tried to kill myself. By some miracle, I got a bed at one of the best mental hospitals on this side of the east coast. After a long history of chronic mental illness, being on disability for years with medicare, getting an opportunity like this was amazing. I had been on waiting lists for months before my attempt, but fate, acuity, and availability all lined up. A true miracle. Unless you have a family with money or amazing health insurance, getting a bed is just extremely difficult at this particular facility.  

The reason being, they provide real treatment. Comprehensive, attentive, life-saving treatment. They actually provide real care with empathy, actual therapy, psychiatry, and groups, with educated staff, real food to eat, world-renowned providers, and treatment teams that listen and work with you to come up with effective long-term solutions/aftercare plans that set you up for long term success.  

Out of pocket, this place is unfathomably expensive. The more exclusive programs on-campus are for the ultra-elite/ ultra-wealthy, taking celebrities like Selena Gomez. The institution itself is known for its education and research. It is not funded by the state like almost everywhere else. Most state-run facilities are atrocious. a disgusting holding cell, where you're stripped of your clothes, dignity, and rights, fed prison food, overmedicated, physically and chemically restrained, only to be thrown back on the street in 3-5 days with no aftercare, med refills, or plan. Been there, done that, many times, not the point. The point was, I got some really helpful expensive ass treatment by the luck of the draw.  

While I was there, I met someone lovely. We instantly connected and expressed interest in one another. They seemed really cool, we talked at length about income inequality and how unfair it was that this kind of treatment wasn't the norm or easily accessible and how unfair that was. They seemed passionate and bright and we got along great. They were set to discharge only a few days after I got there, so we exchanged info before they left. We talked a bunch while I was still there (my discharge was a couple of weeks later) and decided to go on a few dates after I got out.  

A few days after I got out, I unintendedly overdosed, confused about my meds, and was incoherent by the time I got to the ER. I was restrained and chemically sedated. I was confused and fought so was deemed severely acute, and got sent to a state-run facility similar to what I described above. It was all very traumatic and I shut down once I got home. I was lucky I made it out semi-okay, that they let me out at all.  

I wasn't replying to anyone's messages but the person I had met kept reaching out wanting to hear from me and make sure I was okay. I was embarrassed but it was really sweet and soon we starting talking a lot again and really connecting.  

As I got to know them, I definitely thought they were very cool, we seemed to have a lot in common, they made me laugh and we got along really well. I was really digging them and saw us potentially becoming a thing.  After talking for some time, we decided to anxiously have our first date. It went okay but something was off.  

I didn't really pick up on it at first but the more we talked, the more privileged they offhandedly revealed they were. I know it's judge-y and lame, but that kind of put me off. I've been poor my whole life and struggled hard for everything, it's a whole different world living in poverty, so it made me a bit uncomfortable.  I still live in poverty, on disability, with food stamps, and can barely hold it together enough to have a part-time job, but I have no choice. It's rough. I've been homeless, lived in institutions, went through foster care, and have no familial support. I have one of the most serious debilitating mental illnesses. It's been very very hard.  

I am biased but I haven't met anyone well off who gets it. Some people don't realize how hard things can be when you've really had nothing, and had to work hard for everything. Even simple things are taken for granted, not understood, or there are miscommunications or assumptions made due to the lack of understanding. That's just my personal experience, it's hard trying to explain things and it's invalidating sometimes, it can be hard to relate or connect due to the lack of understanding.  

Honestly, though, it took me by surprise. We had both talked passionately about the struggles of being on disability, the importance of income inequality, how unfair the system is set up, the barriers against the poor receiving adequate mental health treatment. They explained how they advocated for social justice and regularly went to protests. I felt dumb because I did meet them at higher-end facility, but I assumed they ended up there by dumb luck as I did with how they presented and initially came across.  

They made it seem like we were in the same boat, poor af, chronically mentally ill, and 4 ever struggling. It was just a surprise because that was very much was not the case.  

They moved up here from Florida, (where admittedly their life was much harder and different), but since moving, they were being supported by their aunt and uncle, who were very, very well off. They had a very expensive private practice psychiatrist, multiple treatment providers, and an apartment in a very well-off area, that their aunt owned, so they paid no rent.  Their car/insurance/phone everything was paid for.  

They seemed to have money to burn, dancing around being well taken care of and not really having to worry. They were on disability though receiving payments and food stamps in addition, not reporting the assistance from their family. When I lightly inquired, they said their grandmother mostly controlled their finances and they didn't deal with bills etc. They spent freely, getting take out almost every night, etc. enjoying all the pleasure of life without a second thought.  

I was uncomfortable with this like I said, but they did seem cool and understanding, we did get along and I wanted to give them a chance. I put my biased experience aside and tried to give it a go.  

First example that really blew me away was their dog. They had several animals, including a cat and two dogs. Even for someone working, three animals is a huge expense. I only have one cat and while she's my world, it gets hard sometimes. The vet is expensive, litter, food, treats, it adds up. And she's only one animal!!! I provide for her and take care of her, but a $350 vet bill still packs a punch. Of course, I pay it, she's my baby, but it might mean only eating sandwiches for a few weeks. I love her, so I sacrifice, she is worth it in every way, but animals are expensive and a lot of work/responsibility.  

When this person and I first started seriously talking, they mentioned the dog they were closest to was very sick with a rare condition. I don't know the full details, but I guess it took a while for the vet to figure out what was wrong, he was on a lot of medications, needed loads of tests and scans. There were weeks of extensive treatments/ blood transfusions, all in a long, painful, and strenuous attempt to save him. They tried for a long time in the hopes he would get better.  

He, unfortunately, passed away a few weeks after we started talking. It was devastating to them and I tried my best to be supportive and help them grieve. They were understandably at a huge loss. Their mental health tanked. Their dog meant the world to them, I understand that completely. Pets are family.    

A few weeks after he passed. They were talking a little about the course of treatment and how hard it had been and what a long, painful road it was. They kind of casually remarked that his treatment cost over $20,000.  

I honestly thought I had misheard. I had to ask twice because I thought they meant $2,000. No. $20,000. $20,000.Holy shit.    

I just...$20,000 is what I make in a year. A year. Dogs are family, I totally, totally get that. People will do anything to save their loved ones. A pet is like an uninsured child, even with pet insurance, it can be expensive. I get that. If you have that kind of money, you pay it, without a thought, no problem.  

I just... wow. I still couldn't even wrap my mind around it. My cat is my world but it breaks my heart to say, if anything happened to her like that, it would kill me, but I would be forced to put her down. I just couldn't believe, $20,000. And they said it like, no big deal, of course, like anyone would/could afford that, it was obvious, a no-brainer. I just...wow.  

Next, kicker. I  came over to hang out one night and watch movies. I had never been to their apartment before. They claimed it had been super messy and they made a big deal about how they had cleaned for me. Sweet, but unnecessary, I get mental illness is tough. It was two bedrooms, all to themselves, decent space and light, but definitely scattered and cluttered. They had a huge king-sized bed, a bidet in the bathroom, and a super nice living room set up. Big comfy couch, loads of nice blankets, and honestly the biggest tv I had ever seen. They joking bragged about having all the streaming options. No kidding. Hulu, Disney plus, Netflix, Amazon, HBO, Paramount, and at least half a dozen more I hadn't even heard of. It just seemed crazy and excessive paying for that many streaming services every month.  But to each their own I guess.

We were both huge fans of anime, and they sort of decided to venture to studio ghibli. They asked if I had seen a particular favorite of theirs. I hadn't. They searched and it was only available to rent. $17. I nearly had a heart attack. I was like no way, we could definitely find it streaming for free somewhere if we look, or watch something else, shortage of options. They were like no it's no biggie that's what I want to watch and clicked rent. Like no problem *sweats intensely* Anytime I spend money, I have a heart attack and second guess it, it takes me like 10 minutes to click buy and my heart always drops when I do. I overthink, whether I really need/deserve it/whether there's a cheaper option, or if it's truly necessary. I know that's a poverty thing. It's just like we could have easily found it somewhere for free with a little effort!  

We go to order food, we both have celiac so finding takeout is a chore. They knew the area better so I was trusting them. They were very adamant about ordering expensive sushi. It was $36 for just one of the things they wanted. Not including delivery or tips or fees or anything else, which included appetizers and drinks, the whole nine. I wasn't feeling sushi. They were like fine, we'll order from two separate places then. Double the delivery fee, not something I ever do, it would be cheaper finding a place together, I could get something small and affordable but they wouldn't budge. I didn't really have money to order a big thing on my own, I wanted something small, but I felt pressured. I figured anything I got would be cheaper than having to split a big sushi order I didn't want. I was like okay fine.  

They kind of seemed annoyed that I didn't just give in and get sushi. They were a little short with me, didn't give me many options of other places, and were weirdly controlling, not letting me look at their phone to find something. I kind of gave up and said like just a burger is fine. I figured it would be cheap and filling, probably $20 max. I didn't take into consideration that they live in an extremely expensive area. It ended up being almost $30, plus tip. For a burger. I almost wanted to cry. I would have picked somewhere else cheaper given the option. They didn't even tell me the price until after they ordered it. I was like oh how much like $15 and they were so casual like oh no, $30 with tip. When it arrived, it was cold and disgusting, really inedible. I picked at the fries, which gave me a stomach ache as they were not gluten-free friendly and had been cross-contaminated in the fryer. I assumed they picked a place that they knew was safe.  

When I wasn't eating, they asked if it was bad. I said yeah and they were like oh well just order something else. Like no, I can't afford anything else, it doesn't work like that. I was like no it's fine I'm not really that hungry. I wanted to say, I trusted you, and you kinda fucked me. I guess they picked that place because there was a gluten-free brownie sundae (prepackaged and not cross-contaminated) on the menu that they really wanted. Obviously more important.  

My stomach ached all night. They ate their food happily. No big deal to them, $30 wasted on food I didn't really want, that I couldn't end up eating and got me sick. If it were them, they would have just ordered something else. No big deal to them. It was more important they got their brownie sundae and expensive sushi than making sure I was able to get something edible. Didn't matter that was half my grocery money for the week. Bologna sandwiches it'll have to be then. Awesome.  

We spent the night talking, I didn't let on to how sick I was or that I was upset about not being able to choose food. They picked all the movies. I wanted to go home, but it just got later and later, one more movie I just *needed* to see. I asked them several times as the clock was ticking if it was getting too late to drive me home. No, no they were fine. Let's just watch another one. Then casually, they went to their room and brought out their night meds, threw 'em back, and settled into the couch. I started to panic. I asked again, you're taking me home, right? I guess they decided they weren't. I was miles away from home, no public transit running or close by. They were like oh I'm so tired, it got so late. Just order a car. I pulled up uber, $25. That would definitely overdraft my account.  

Thankfully, after they saw me sweating and looking panicked, they were like, oh, I feel so bad, I'll order the uber for you. (If they hadn’t, I would have had to explain like, getting home on my own wasn't the plan nor was staying the night. If they thought I would be cool with just staying, they should have said something, if they wanted me to stay, it should have been a discussion, not a surprise.)  

I just felt really disrespected. I was simultaneously hungry and sick from dinner, broke and unprepared to stay over with no prior discussion. I didn't have meds, my cat didn't have food out, I was blindsided and essentially stranded/put in an awkward position. They didn't consider that it might be stressful or beyond my limitations to get home. Being able to just roll with punches isn't financially feasible for everyone. It just felt like they were self-centered and inconsiderate. The whole night was what they wanted, what they wanted to eat, where they wanted to order from, what they wanted to watch, changing plans to what was convenient for them without any regard toward how it might impact me. Just inconsiderate and self-centered behavior.  

We did keep talking though, I just sort of chalked it up to miscommunication and sort of beat myself up for not speaking up. It was weird though, kept just casually mentioning shit that was so privileged and complaining about shit that made them sound so ungrateful. I don't think they realized how it came across, just completely oblivious to their access to resources and not appreciating their position or supports.  

They started talking about starting ketamine treatments to combat their ongoing depression. They had received them in the past and went on about how life-changing and helpful it was, and that everyone should try it. Now, being on disability (and even with most insurances) the treatments are not covered. The clinics that administer them are all out of pocket, bougie as fuck, and extremely expensive.  

They talked about having several rounds in the past like it was nothing. It's easily $250-400 a pop and they were going 1-2x a week for a long time. They kept talking about all their options like what a painstaking burden. Should they start with lozenges and work up to IV clinic or ask for patches, and start that way. They wanted to work up to twice a week again but their family was giving pushback. They wanted me to agree with them, saying it was so unfair and lame and unreasonable/closeminded of their family for not immediately agreeing. The same family that would be footing the bill.  No, not unfair or unreasonable at all. You sound privileged as fuck.  

I was super bothered they were endlessly going on about it and complaining about pushback and asking me to agree with them. My treatment-resistant depression hasn't responded to anything, I've been on every waiting list for MDMA-assisted treatment whenever they pop up but never been selected due to demand and availability. Even ECT is too expensive and not covered. I'd kill for an opportunity like that! And it wasn't even like their family was saying no, they were discussing it in family therapy and seriously considering it.  

They talked about it so nonchalantly and kept going on and on about how amazing it was. Like great, tell me all about something else I'll never be able to afford. I'm sure Paris is great, and backpacking across Europe is awesome, like please do tell me more.  

I finally mentioned like okay that sounds great, will never able to afford it, glad it's so helpful They told me that I could just buy it off the street. That's what they used to do occasionally. It's only a couple hundred dollars and you get way more. Like oh okay. Let me just not pay a third of my rent in the hopes that this jam band kids ketamine isn't fentanyl or some shit and maybe have a shot at not wanting to kill myself for a week, you know on the off chance it works. Sounds great, super safe, much more affordable. And like as ridiculous as it was to offer that as an alternative, that still wouldn't be something I could afford! They just came off so clueless and privileged and oblivious.

What really got me was how they eventually talked about their family. They did weekly family therapy with their aunt and uncle and occasionally their dad since moving up here. They stayed with their aunt and uncle (lived down the street) more often than not so they weren't alone. This was encouraged/appreciated/welcomed. They did activities together regularly to help with depression and loneliness/ managing symptoms. They had their grandma and brother, whom they saw often and cherished greatly. They portrayed the relationships as really solid and important. I thought wow, truly wholesome and wonderful.  They seemed so loved, close, connected, cared for, and supported. Across the board, they had support.  

But then tables would turn. They complained often their family was too close, too conservative, and not understanding. They didn't want them so involved in their life, their treatment, decision-making, and recovery process. They resented the support, complained they weren't a kid and were capable/in sound mind to make decisions/have control of their life. I tried to listen and be understanding but I didn't get it. They came off almost like a spoiled, ungrateful teenager.  

You're getting help, love, and support all around, everyone wants to support you and see you do well and will give whatever that takes. Like legitimately whatever ?!?  You don't have to work, pay for anything, and it is made sure you don't have to struggle for anything. Anything you need, you've got.  

I get the concept that having family so close/involved could be crippling or invasive or just downright unproductive. But it was such a slap in the face they would complain to me of all people about having that kind of support.  

Family/support is such a foreign concept to me personally. Like I said, I grew up in foster care. I've never had family involved, healthy relationships, or any sort of support like that. The concept of calling your aunt when you're sad and she offers kind words, support, and tells you to come over to do something fun? Like, can't relate. I could only take so much of them complaining about being taken care of.  

Living with extreme mental illness, not being able to work for periods of time, living solely on disability paychecks and food stamps is damn is impossible to survive, especially where we live. Without the help they were being given, they wouldn't be able to survive. The cost of living is out of control, you can't even rent a room with a single disability payment. I know, I'm doing it. It takes everything for me to keep a part-time job, barely making enough to make ends meet. But if I don't. I'm homeless again. No matter what, no matter how bad symptoms get. And I have one of the hardest, most debilitating mental illnesses. I don't have any other choice.  

Their aunt would pay for them to go to school or learn a trade or anything they wanted. They have a world-renowned private practice doctor that prescribes them literally anything they could want or need to help and they have a great bond/ working relationship. I have a psych who can barely remember my name and sees me for 5-15 minutes maybe once or twice a month. I was asking for medications recently to get through a hard time, nothing serious, but my state-assigned psych does not prescribe benzos. Period. Neither does my PCP. It's state rehab or psych facility for me or bust. Another thing they take for granted. They almost bragged to me about immediately getting two heavy-duty benzos and another maintenance medication,  just by saying their panic attacks were slighting increasing. Meanwhile. I was at risk for DT's after relapsing and begging for basic Librium to maybe not die and was denied.  

The real reality of being on disability is the bare minimum or bad treatment. My psychologist is thankfully amazing but it took 10 years and hitting absolute rock bottom and being homeless to find her. She's a diamond in the rough but only works with the sickest of the sick. I would be in a state institution right now if it weren't for her and I avoided it by the skin of my teeth.  

So here's where I'm probably the asshole. After weeks, I broke. We were texting as usual and they started to sort of mope and complain. They were venting about having a hard time again and how symptoms were bad and there was just nothing they could do and it was so hard. They started going on about how helpless they were and how there was no opportunity to get better and everything was just super hard and impossible for them and how rough they had it. Their family was checking in on them too much and they were annoyed at them for being concerned and that they had no options and no chance and everything was just so hard and impossible.  

I understand, that's depression. I'm pretty empathetic and understanding and have been up to this point but it just felt like the rich person complaining to the homeless guy sleeping on the street, how awful it was they forgot their umbrella that day, and how unfortunate it was to be getting wet. I just wanted to scream. If you're anxious take your benzos, take your other meds! Call your aunt. Text your on call therapist. Call your fancy psych who answers night and day. Utilize any of the resources you have and all the support you are given!    

I was just tired of it. Things in my life have been super difficult, especially lately, and I have to figure it out alone. The voices were getting loud again which lead to a bad relapse that went off the rails, which I had to pull out of completely unassisted. I am in between jobs, my housing isn't stable, my bank accounts are low, my mental health is chronic and very severe, my treatment team was threatening to section me if I didn't reel it in. Things were bad. But I deal with it, alone.    

I know it was wrong of me, but I couldn't take it. They have everything to help themselves!!! They could go to a fancy hospital, they could ask all their supports for help! They would receive the best care. All the medicines, the best treatment. Anything.  

I basically kind of spelled it out for them. You have privilege, you have support, you have money, resources, a great treatment team, family, everything... please for the love of God, USE IT! You wouldn't have to worry about losing your job going into treatment, you wouldn't lose your housing. You wouldn't have to worry about falling behind on bills. You'd be fine.  

How can you not see or appreciate all you have and or see how oblivious and privileged you come across and how hurtful that is? You're complaining to the wrong person.

I went on a bit too long. I was definitely coming from a place of hurt, mental illness, and jealousy. I wasn't trying to make them feel bad, I just wanted them to understand. That kind of support would make all the difference for so many that are struggling. They are sitting with gallons of water around them, complaining to be inconsolably parched and that don't know what to do, all while sort of offhandedly bragging about how much water they have and how they can easily get more. I've been carefully conserving a 16 oz Poland spring bottle, rationing for weeks not knowing if/when I will be able to refill. They aren't alone, expected to make it on just disability. They weren't recognizing their position, how they were coming across, how hurtful that was. I didn't get anyone to catch me, love me, support me. This is the real reality of living with extreme mental illness on disability looks like without that opportunity or support. This is hard fucking work. We are not the same. You got lucky. Now do something with it.

They ended up calling me a dick, saying I didn't understand, that I was being cruel and mean for no reason. We haven't talked since. I do feel bad, I just couldn't take it anymore.  

So if you made it this far, lay it on me, AITA?      

[haydnbrine-pom]

TRESILLO RHYTHM

MD5313

After quiet a few months off university, and secluding myself to 4 walls. I had my first day back! Seeing everyone was so lovely and really propped up my mood! The summer was very much so filled with ups and downs mentally, however I’ve came out of it possibly the most focused and motivated (and happy) I’ve ever been!

It feels like a switch has been flipped in my head and I’m genuinely so excited and motivated to get stuck into my course! A few weeks before we all came back, I decided I wanted to really sit down and focus on getting better at recording and getting some basic mixing skills worked up.

My first voyage was to learn to program drums, at first, this was extremely daunting and made me want to throw my computer out of the window. However I persevered and then the next day it clicked. I learnt the value of quarter notes, eighth notes, sixteenth notes etc and I was instantly able to create decent, serviceable drum beats to assist my songwriting. Linked below is the first song i’ve tracked while fully knowing how too program:

THE CHALLENGE!

So this week we were challenged to create a piece of music utilizing the ‘tresillo rhythm.’ This term, was alien to me. Which is ironic because I have actually listened to many pieces of music that utilise it.

I’ve never actually tried writing music with a set agenda/idea carving what I do. So to do this for me seemed pretty difficult at the beginning. Although after about half an hour of messing around I started to get the hang of it, and i’m genuinely very happy with what I was able to come up with.

I started off by making a drum beat as a basis to follow, as it’s typically in the percussion that this rhythm is most prominent in. I made a simple beat for the A section and then for the B section i veered away from using it as I wanted to create a chorus for this piece to test my ability to flow in and out of different rhythms.

I then started to track the guitars which began to be a problem for me, as admittedly I do need to be tighter. I believe this is because I usually play music that falls under the metal sub genres, and with that I’m just used to playing it, as the music fits to a click perfectly. With this genre (latin? salsa? i don’t know) there is a lot more flair and nuances that typically I wouldn’t try technique wise such as playing muted chords to fill in little areas of silence; Which I find difficult to do, however practice makes perfect and i’m sure with more practice I will inevitably crack it!

What changed this track for me, was bass. Now I absolutely adore playing bass, as I feel that it is SO underappreciated. Bass can completely change the dynamic of songs and spring so many ideas on where to go next. I looped the tresillo drum section and just played around until I created something I was happy with. It turns out, that I wrote my favourite section of music yet. It had SO much feel and groove and it just made me want to dance! The bass tone merged extremely well with the guitar tone as well and made it sound really warm and full. I tracked guitar individually on two tracks panned hard left and hard right (100%), and tracked two bass tracks individually as well both going straight down the center. I tracked a clean bass sound to give it a deep, rich sound. I tracked the second layer with a slightly more dirty tone to give the bass some definition in the mix as well. It is probably the best bass sound I have gotten so far! For the guitars and bass I used the Neural DSP Cory Wong Archetype plugin as I found that the clean tones are absolutely gorgeous and extremely good for a digital plugin.

I also had a pretty cool idea spring to mind, which was too record me clapping another variation of the Tresillo rhythm over one of the sections. I used my Shure SM7b to capture these claps. However unfortunately I didn’t really get a good sound because my room has a lot of space in it so the room reverb lessened the quality of the sound and I didn’t have anything to isolate the sound enough!

Linked below is my piece:

To conclude, I have found this challenge very beneficial. It has given me a new insight into how to approach song writing, and it has made me so much more interesting in exploring other rhythms in the future!