#adding in confusing book lore while claiming it’s not canon then making some of it canon and not elaborating in game

[luisleyyaoi]

Seething at the mouth over fnaf lore and it’s wasted potential

[jacktherph]

Hi, Jack! We are a new murder mystery roleplay inspired by A Series of Unfortunate Events with new plot twists and characters. We would love some feedback. May we please have an opinion? Please, feel free to take as much time as you need. Thank you so much! We really appreciate it!

hi there @unfortunate-rp​! i’m happy to give you an opinion. since you didn’t specify private, i will post this on my blog. feel free to ask me to take it down if that was a mistake.

NOTE: all opinions expressed here are mine, jack’s, belonging to jack. i make no claims to knowing what is best for every group – i only offer advice based on my experiences, what i’ve seen in the community, and my personal knowledge. no one person knows what is best for you or any group other than yourself; because you were the one who put all of this together in the first place. so take everything i say as a suggestion, and remember that you have accomplished so much!!

and if you have any questions, want feedback on something specific, or want elaborations on anything said in this opinion, don’t hesitate to message me!!

this isn’t just an opinion, it’s a shoutout and a rec!! any fans of the asoue book series &/or recent netflix adaptation will adore this rpg. it perfectly captures everything snicket was about from beginning to end and the skeletons are frankly fucking amazing. what a creative admin team!! 

start: 2.30 | pause: none | end: 2.58TOTAL: HERE 28 minutes to read all pages (please don’t take this as a measure of anything, I simply time myself and am a speed reader)

*spelling error on /uptown: Mureau Cinema -- Christmas

So the first thing I’m going to say before I go into the full details of each page and contents and such is that I have one big recommendation: finding a way to adjust your line height in your code. The common theme I ran into while reading all of your pages is that after a while my eyes would gloss over certain sentences because I thought I was reading each line but they were too bunched together. Because you have such beautiful pages with so much information to give to your members, this is super important. If you’d like me to see if I can find that part of your code for you, feel free to IM me at any time and I’ll be happy to help.

My first impression of everything is a big fat fucking WOW. From the pages to the graphics to even the way you word things I feel like I’ve been transported back to that dreadfully delightful macabre world Snicket created for me as a child. I don’t know if you’ve been given proper praise for that yet but if you haven’t you certainly deserve it. You have a functional and helpful theme that works for what you need from it and your design of everything is both simple and artistic at the same time. When you have a new acceptance posted the dual ember gifs make it feel like there’s a lot going on but it’s not consistent, with too many repeated or flashing gifs, and so there’s not anything you need to do to change that in my opinion. It just tends to happen with graphics that use the same images. Really though, please feel extremely accomplished about the tone and theme you set on your main. I’ve never gotten more of an impression of what an rpg is about by one glance than I do here.

Your Plot is astounding. Disregarding the fact that you wrote it just like Snicket, I think this is one of the most original fandom concepts I’ve seen in some time. This was the perfect story to be able to take away from the canon and still keep it within the realm of possibility. I’m actually really glad you did this so well because this way people can still have all of the fun of the storyline and plots and not have to worry about the possibility of “playing a canon character wrong” or trying to fit it into the canon of the books/show.

I’ll sort of go into all of your lore pages as a whole rather than go through every single page? Because the love and dedication you’ve taken to ensure potential members and your members have everything they need in order to work within the worldbuilding of your group. I can seriously appreciate that as an admin of a group with a ton of lore, myself. That you go into so much detail on the locations pages and everything about VFD, you make it so your main is the one-stop shop for information rather than asking people to go elsewhere like a wikia page and I’m gonna shout my praises to you for that!

So your Guidelines are something I’m a little iffy on -- and I’m gonna say this is honestly the only thing I really find debatable about your rpg. The very nature of the ASOUE series was about children being involved in all of the gruesome stuff that comes with being an adult; so in that I can see why you allow writers of any age. But you also have content warnings such as smut, violence, drugs, and etc. and state that the roleplay itself will have mature themes and contents. So that being said, I have two moral issues: allowing members under 18 and the playing of characters who are minors. Generally I’m against playing characters who are minors of any kind. That results in using FCs who are minors and yes, while they are celebrities, it gives the potential for undue associations with the child star. Have you considered possibly keeping children out of the RPG except for in the case of mentioned NPCs? Regarding the “members under 18” bit, honestly that one isn’t as much of a big deal so long as your members are tagging and using read-mores where and when needed, but i’ll include that it will deter a certain number of people from joining your group. I’m not telling you to change anything -- but these are things I think you should maybe think about and consider adding changes to?

Your Skeletons and Faceclaims are so widely wonderful and diverse. You have such a wide range of trans characters and I always look for that in RPGs. But you’re also extremely body positive and age positive as well. This is what the faceclaim page of every rpg should look like, so applause for you. I only looked at a few of your skeletons to get a feel for them, but from what I did look at each one is unique in their own way and you have done an impressive job weaving them in with not only one another but the story. Each one has an important role to play and none feel like they’re just there for any sort of token points. You must have put a lot of work into this and you admin/s need to recognize that this immense amount of creativity is brilliantly impressive.

Personally, I think all you need to do is link to your skeleton page with the filters, rather than having a whole page with links that bring people to the tags the filters divide by, but that is more of a suggestion and if you find what you have works for you then there’s nothing more to be said. As for the images on the skeleton page: you obviously make them fit better with the psd/texture, which I like, but some of them still stick out in their brightness. Maybe go back and look at them and dim some of them individually or try to get them with a matching color hue to make them seem a little more uniform?? But the distinction between npcs and skeletons with the monochrome is great.

Overall your graphics match very well!! Your character template is perfect for the vibe and the psd you have on your images ensures they all look very uniform and put-together. The sidebar gif on the homepage feels a little left out compared to the rest, though? I don’t know if you have a lot of history working with gif editing but either changing the size, adding the psd, or adding a little SOMETHING to it might make it seem a little less “floating on it’s own in a void” in your sidebar.

Your Applications, both of them, are very well thought out and you definitely ask for everything that I can see being necessary in this group. Some in the community are against fully fleshed out apps like this but those who see your group and see the effort in your applications should feel inspired with everything that they answer!! You even provide links for them in helping find occupations and such, and that’s going above and beyond. My one thing is…. Why are both applications on bright white backgrounds and not set as pages of your main? It’s just confusing to me, nothing big. And the white sort of startles me after looking at your darker-colored pages for such a long time.

My FAVORITE THING about your rpg: the complete-ness of it all. I genuinely cannot think of one thing I would like to see here, information or rpg-wise, that would help me as a potential member understand your rpg better. You obviously put so much work into everything here and I could not be more thrilled. As the story goes on you might add more pages or such but for an rpg that hasn’t opened yet (at the time I’m writing this) there is NOTHING that needs adding, in my opinion.

My LEAST FAVORITE THING about your rpg: I’m… struggling to find something, but I guess if I had to pick it would be the layout of your applications -- how they exist on a white page rather than within a page on your main. It’s just slightly jarring to go from all that darkness to a bright white page. Think about putting them as pages on your theme and honestly you’re good to go??

OVERALL this is probably one of the best examples of a put-together skeleton and bio rpg I’ve ever seen. Like, I don’t even know anything about the series beyond the show and I had to stop myself from joining while writing this opinion. Even if someone knows nothing about the fandom they could be coaxed to join after just taking a few minutes to look at everything you’ve put together and provided for people. You didn’t leave anything I could think of out and included more than I would have thought if I were the one putting this rpg together. The fact that you may have done this solo stuns me even more. This is an rpg everyone should check out because it has everything people are looking for: diversity, depth, a well-formed plot, and the potential to last for some time with the right cast and crew behind it.

Well fucking done.

Sincerely,Jack

[starisartblog]

The Light of the Storm: A Miss Fortune x Lux Fanfic

I don’t have an AO3 account so here’s a story I’ve been on and off writing about how Lux and Miss Fortune met and fell in love. I generally tried to stay lore compliant??? but there’s also a lot of creative liberty largely due to the fact that I roleplayed Miss Fortune for about 2 years. Basically don’t @ me about what’s canon and what’s not. This will be multichapter but idk how long it will be.

Chapter One: Unfamiliar Territory and a Pirate’s Honor

The first signs of land on the horizon brought much relief to the deckhands aboard The Lightforger. While surrounded by a vast empty sea, one would think that they were suspended in time, but in reality the voyage had only lasted a few weeks. The expertise of their charters and navigators were the only thing that stood between them and mindlessly drudging across the sea to their destination.

Luxanna Crownguard shuts the cover of an old tome at the call of sighted land. She, like many others, suffered with consequential boredom that came with long voyages and this had possibly been her longest trip to date. Despite biding some of her time with studies of old tomes and sparring with Kahina, she felt trapped. It had also reminded her of the seclusion imposed by her family in her younger years. Pushing that rather sour memory back, she tucks the tome under her arm and skips up the stairs to the main deck where several of her comrades look on curiously.

Arches of land slowly reveal themselves from the horizon, their bases shrouded in mist from water falling from great heights. Soon a landmass is in full view, the vague shapes of vessels perch themselves on the cliff sides while numerous banners flap freely in the wind. Lux had only heard stories of this place from older superiors and veterans. An anarchical land that would make anyone in the royal court of Demacia faint.

This was the city known as Bilgewater.

According to some of the stories she heard, Bilgewater hadn’t always been this way. A long time ago several ships had accidentally crashed into the Serpent Isles largely due to the fact that it had been apparently uncharted. After a minor clash with the natives of the Isles, the foreigners agreed to claim a small piece of land for the building of lighthouses to avoid further casualties. It served as a convenient rest stop at first but then expanded to a convenient trade port to cut down travel time between countries.

For a while it had been very prosperous, but soon the mysterious Black Mist had strengthened and attacked the port city frequently. Deciding that the resources expended to maintain its safety against the seemingly indomitable threat were a waste, many abandoned the port town. Those who remained consistently fought off the Black Mist and claimed Bilgewater for its own. Unfortunately the lack of a stable government turned Bilgewater into a lawless land of brigands and pirates.

Knowing full well of their relationships, The Lightforger had been stripped of its Demacian flag along with any symbol of its origin and dressed as a common tradeship. Those aboard had been dressed accordingly to keep up the charade. Lux figures that a Demacian vessel landing in Bilgewater was probably the equivalent of painting a large target on their back. On top of that, diverting attention from themselves was a crucial part of this mission.

The vessel had finally passed through the first arch of Bilgewater by nightfall. The clash of cold water from above and the warm night envelops The Lightforger with mist, making for almost an ethereal passing into the city. Peering from her cabin window, Lux gathers her things while determined to sneak glances of newfound territory.

Needless to say, she was completely awestruck.

Oil lit lamps decorate every odd end of the city, giving it a warm glow in contrast to the night. Scaffolds of wooden walkways and bridges connect the separated pieces of land giving Bilgewater’s heart a completely labyrinthian look. Vessels of old had been fused with old stone architecture to create taverns, shops and living spaces. She recognizes old Noxian warships, Freldjordian longboats, Shuriman vessels and even old Demacian galleons that had been repurposed as such.

Carved in wood and stone along many cliffsides and buildings had been a myriad of sea creatures, decorated with old bones and fangs. Lux notices two recurring creatures. One a frog-like monster with endless rows of teeth and a fanged creature with seemingly endless tentacles stretching from all parts of it body. Had it been the visages of their gods? She finds the prospect simply fascinating…

Clearly distracted, the girl would jump at the feeling of cold metal at the back of her neck. With a yelp, she turns around to the freckled and grinning face of her companion.

“Only you would get excited over a pirate town, Lux.” Kahina waves the hilt of her sword in a teasing manner. Lux waves a hand dismissively at her, a slight tint of red to her cheeks betrays any stoic stature she tries to play off.

“This is our first time visiting Bilgewater. I couldn’t help myself.” The blonde retorts. “You must admit the architecture is impressive and unique! The description from any book I’ve read simply doesn’t do this place any justice.”

“Sure, sure.” Kahina yawns finally sheathing her sword. “Just don’t let it get to your head. Remember that we’re still walking into a den of wolves. They’re more likely to shove a blade in your stomach if it meant more gold in their pockets.”

Lux frowns. “Deception lies in many forms, but it’s all still deception.”

The Lightforger finally settles in an available dock, occupied by a small crowd of men and women idling around the deck space. With their belongings strapped to their backs and sides, several of the Radiant Ones stand ready on the main deck. Kahina nudges Lux once more, putting a hand on her shoulder and whispering into her ear.

“I just heard that apparently the reason we’re here is that someone owes Aharon a favor.”

“I thought you said people here are more likely to doublecross you.” Lux whispers back. “An old drinking buddy perhaps?”

“Something of the sort.”

A voice comes from behind the two. Aharon lowers his hood and motions them off the deck. “I’m taking a small group to meet up with our primary collaborator--and by small I mean just us three. The rest will assume their stations with their help.” He then motions to the small group that had come to greet them.

An older man steps forward, his cane thudding against the dock with every step. He studies the three for a moment, though once settling his gaze on Aharon he simply smiles.

“Trust ya had smooth sailin’ lad?” The old man nudges Aharon with his cane.

“Uneventful.” Aharon brushes his robe. “I was looking forward to stepping off the ship the moment I set foot on it.”

He and I share that sentiment… Lux thinks to herself.

“Well we can hold business talk fer th’ mornin’ if yer too tired. Sure th’ Captain won’t mind terribly. We can accomodate yer lil’ posse easy--”

“Time is of the essence, Rafen.” Aharon states plainly. “If nothing else I want to pass on our recent findings…” His serious tone doesn’t falter in the slightest despite how casual the other is. The old man called Rafen laughs and shrugs.

“Aye aye aye. Good to know I have the right man. Captain told me you were a no-nonsense Demacian.” Aharon finally lets himself smile and adjusts his glasses.

“We have a reputation to uphold as no-nonsense Demacians.”

“As we be holdin’ the reputation of no-good scoundrels.” Rafen raps his cane against the floor several times and those with him stand to attention. “Alright help ‘em unload and such. An’ be careful with their stuff will ya? I’m sure most of what they own be more valuable than yer own lives.” The old man turns back to them.

“Captain’s in the workshop tonight. Follow close an’ keep yer blades closer.”

Despite the winding and confusing passages, Rafen navigates the small group with ease. He had grown with this city and thus knows of every street and turn. Lux finds it all impressive, but can’t help but wonder about something else. Men and women lurk in the alleyways as we pass, but seem to slink further in as Rafen passes. Had it been from fear? Rafen certainly didn’t look like a man that Aharon would associate himself with. Not to mention that the old man spoke of a Captain. His Captain. There had been someone that even he answered to? It was quite a mystery.

The workshop Rafen had spoken of sits at the base of a spire, hollowed out many years ago and an old ship had been attached to the side with a sign reading “FORTUNE’S FAVOR” hanging at the front. A small twisting flight of stairs brings them upwards and they are soon greeted by a gentle orange glow, the hissing of steam and the ringing of metal.

The room itself is a humble space to fit a forge among other smithing tools and stations. Pinned along the walls are various swords, daggers and firearms created with a style reminiscent of Bilgewater’s aesthetic. A lone person sits in the middle striking a slab of glowing metal against an anvil. They’re clothed head to toe with protective gear only further adding to the mystery of Aharon’s client.

Rafen makes sure the other is aware of his presence, then walks over to exchange a few words rendered unintelligible by the roar of the forge. Their work is put at a halt, dunking the glowing metal into a nearby container of water and creating a massive cloud of steam. As the steam dissipates, the person seemed to have removed their gear.

Hiding beneath the mask is the face of a dark skinned woman with fire red hair strung up into a ponytail. The woman rises from her seat to reveal a well built frame, defined with muscle and decorated with old scars. Colorful tattoos cover every inch of her body depicting sea creatures, ships and green tentacles that encroach from her back. Slick with sweat, the forge’s light makes the woman look like a glistening goddess and her eyes are a cool blue to balance such a fiery radiance. The woman glances over her three new guests and once it settles on Lux, the blonde instinctively holds in a breath.

“Captain Fortune.” Aharon steps forward to extend a hand. Lux lets out a quiet exhale as words were finally exchanged. “It’s been a while.”

The woman named Fortune steps forward as well, accepting his hand with a strong shake. Aharon even winces at the forcefulness of her grip and she can’t help but grin. “Aye. Was wonderin’ when I was gonna see yer mug again, Aharon Dawnscribe.” The man puts his hand to his chest and gestures to the other two. “I’d like for you to meet two of my companions--”

“Kahina Radiabourne.” Kahina gives a respectful salute.

Fortune’s gaze was once again on Lux. Realizing that the Captain was looking for a name, she flinches. Despite such a playful demeanor, the woman gives off a commanding presence that forces Lux to look to the ground.

“L-Luxanna Crowng-guard, ma’am.” Lux squeaks out, red hot with embarrassment. Gods above she could feel Kahina’s smile behind her.

“A blueblood? Interestin’.” Fortune cants her head to the side, tilting her chin up with a single finger. “Ah come now, level eyes with me lass. No need to cast down such a bright an’ pretty face..”

Gods above! Gods above! My heart is going to burst…! Lux cries in her mind.

“Captain.” Aharon clears his throat. “If you're quite done, then we'll get on with business. I've already expressed to Rafen the urgency--”

“Aye aye aye.” She winks to Lux and pulls her hand away. “But not here. Voices carry an’ snoopin’ ears are all too willin’ to listen.”

They're led to the other side of the forge through a door and presumably into the ship attached at the side. The noises above them are prominent, yet muffled and Lux concludes them to be just above a lively bar. Given the mass of crates and items compacted in the room and the noise above, they would be free to discuss anything without being overheard. Rafen guards the door they just entered through while Fortune says something to another man who promptly leaves the storage area. Two men return with small bowls of stew, several small loaves of bread and drinks.

“It’s a seafood stew. Bilgewater classic.” Fortune explains while being given her own share and promptly dipping her loaf into the bowl. “Fish is our specialty, but we can’t grow anythin’ else worthwhile here. So we really do benefit by those still willin’ to trade.” As Lux samples the stew, she realizes what the woman means. Shuriman spices season the broth and accompanying the fish are hardy potatoes and carrots from Noxus. Finally the loaf of bread served with the stew is all too familiar: it was made from Demacian wheat.

“Yer wheat is the absolute best for soft bread like this.” The Captain smiles and chews on broth-soaked bread, speaking again after swallowing. “What’s this all about then? Must be pretty damn urgent for ya to see me in person.”

“If I may be blunt.” Aharon appears a tad unnerved once Fortune’s gaze is upon him. “We suspect that Bilgewater is at risk of total Noxian occupation.”

Her playful air vanishes just by her posture straightening and her brows narrowing. For now her food is set to the side.

“Surely ya didn't cross the seas to tell me somethin’ I already knew.”

“Of course not. I have intel confirming some...concerning circumstances towards our claim. Given that you're a rather adamant advocate against Noxian expansion, you're of the few I can trust with this information.” As if to take off some unforeseen force of stress, he redirects his attention. “Miss Crownguard, if you would.”

The moment she feels the Captain’s gaze again, she hesitates. Lux has encountered many a general and sergeant, but never has a simple gaze made her feel completely disarmed. Captain Fortune was well worthy of her title.

“Let's hear what you have to say, Crownguard.”

“Uhm. I-I have done a fair share of espionage within Noxian borders.” Her heart feels like it's creeping up her throat again. “A recent assignment has had me follow a trend of trade containing armor and weaponry being sent from Noxus to the occupied city of Bel’zhun. We thought it to be standard upkeep for the soldiers to retain their control in Shurima. We’ve then noticed a large fraction of such resources travel to the east before being sent from the port city of Mudtown.”

“Aye. A good ship gets you from Mudtown to Bilgewater in a week’s time.” Fortune seems quick to piece it together.

“Then you fully understand the severity of the situation.” Aharon takes back control of the conversation. “It's only a matter of time before shipping over mere swords becomes sending a fleet of soldiers to your coasts.”

“They be hard pressed to take over the entire island. The Kraken Priestess an’ her god wouldn’t take that lyin’ down either.”

“You've heard the horrors of the Noxian invasion of Ionia.” Aharon says bluntly. “They stripped acres of magic from their lands. I wouldn’t put it past them to employ similar tactics here if it meant killing a supposed god.”

It goes without saying that occupying the island would also inch Noxian territory closer to Demacia for an effective pincer. In short, both nations are properly threatened by this.

“Yer stretchin’ this favor I owe ya real thin.” Fortune seems frustrated, taking another bite of bread and a spoonful of stew.

“I don't intend to waste a pirate’s honor on something frivolous. Brash as you may be, you're a reliable ally. I figure preventing such an invasion while this city rebuilds to be enough incentive to having your full cooperation.” There's a moment of painful silence, then Fortune begins to laugh and the tension in the room eases up a bit.

“Bloody seven hells! Can't really argue against that can I?” She waves a hand dismissively and downs the rest of her stew. “Fine. Ya have my cooperation, but we'll continue this tomorrow. A sea voyage takes a lot out of ya when ya ain't used to it.” She rises from her seat, holding her drink in her hand.

“Hold on Fortune.” Kahina stops the woman. “I have one question for you.”

“That's Captain Fortune.”

“Right. Captain Fortune, what’s your connection to Aharon? I've never even heard of you until today.” Fortune has to think on it for a moment. Had she forgotten as well?

“A few years ago Aharon here let me in Demacian borders to catch a runaway bounty. I mentioned owin’ ‘im fer it, that's all. What? Did ya think I was a--”

“Thank you for your hospitalities, Captain Fortune. I'm sure we'll all make ourselves quite at home.” Aharon was utterly embarrassed, squeezing past the guard to the stairs. Lux can’t help but chuckle at it all. She couldn't really imagine him being with someone like her anyway….

Not that there was anything wrong with the Captain! Lux was sure she was a wonderful woman...!

...Gods why was she arguing with herself over this?

“...He doesn’t even know where to… Eh. Whatever. I’ve a few things to take care of,” Fortune takes one step up the stairs with the guard standing to the side. “I’m leavin’ the rest to you Rafen.”

“Aye, aye Captain.” The old man gives a respective nod before she disappears up the steps. “I left Yale ova there t’accommodate th’ rest o’ yer lil’ group. Long as yer here, ya have full protection o’th Syrens. Courtesy o’th Captain of course. I’ll be sure t’find Aharon an’ let ‘im know.”

“Thank you, Rafen.” Lux bows to him, with Kahina following suit.

“Ahh it’s no problem. I reckon we’re all friends now, aye?” The old man gives the two a crooked grin before he and Yale leads them to their rooms.

The rooms themselves were quaint and surprisingly well kept. Despite being just above the ground floor, the noise from below was as muffled as the storeroom. Lux and Kahina set down their belongings but don’t bother to do much after that. Exhaustion slowly creeps up on them and they crawl into their beds.

“Hrm.” Kahina stares at the ceiling. “Think we can really trust this Captain?”

“If Aharon trusts her, then I see no reason to be wary.” She answers honestly, expecting Kahina to be wary like this. “Especially since she's against Noxus’s regime. That has to count for something doesn't it?” Kahina merely shrugs.

“She could turn sides real easy. Remember what I said?” Lux gives the other woman a stern look who sighs in response.  “Well… I guess at least just play it safe.”

“I know.”

A brief silence.

“Even so...that Captain is drop dead gorgeous isn't she?”

“Kahina!”

“Don't play dumb. You were completely distracted once she took of that smithing mask!”

Lux bites her lower lip. Damn her.

“Goodnight. Maybe she'll show up in your dreams.” Kahina grins triumphantly and pulls the blanket over her.

Lux gives a defeated huff and throws the blankets over her own head. The voyage had indeed taken more out of her than expected. It wasn’t long until she drifts off to sleep...

[jacktherph]

Actually, instead of a shoutout, could we get your opinion on the rp please? Thank you!

hi there @kismetrpg! i’m happy to give you an opinion. since you didn’t specify private, i will post this on my blog. feel free to ask me to take it down if that was a mistake.

NOTE: all opinions expressed here are mine, jack’s, belonging to jack. i make no claims to knowing what is best for every group – i only offer advice based on my experiences, what i’ve seen in the community, and my personal knowledge. no one person knows what is best for you or any group other than yourself; because you were the one who put all of this together in the first place. so take everything i say as a suggestion, and remember that you have accomplished so much!!

and if you have any questions, want feedback on something specific, or want elaborations on anything said in this opinion, don’t hesitate to message me!!

this isn’t just an opinion, it’s a shoutout and a rec! @kismetrpg looks like a really cool new supernatural-themed rpg set in new orleans, y’all!! with a unique lore, awesome factions, and tons of different species to take on, this is an rpg worth checking out!! they open on january 5th!

start: 1.20 | pause: 1.21 - 1.25 | end: 1.36TOTAL: 12 minutes to read all pages (please don’t take this as a measure of anything, I simply time myself and am a speed reader)

Before I say anything about the group and pages, this is a blanket recommendation: Read up on Apostrophe Rules and go through your pages with an editing eye. I’m definitely guilty of mixing up my apostrophe rules sometimes but I definitely noticed a lot of mistakes in pages like your plot. Fixing these can improve the overall professional atmosphere of your group!

My first impression was this: this is definitely a group I would have considered joining when I was looking for rpgs to check out!! You have a lot of lore, great details and descriptions provided, and the blanket plot seems really interesting. This is a fascinating looking roleplay, so I want to give you my kudos. Well done! The main is very clean, minimalist, if that’s what you were going for. All attention is definitely diverted to the heading image. Unfortunately without seeing the advertised “supernatural rpg” font, I wouldn’t know this group has supernatural intentions based solely on looks. I don’t know if you planned/wanted that, but I wanted to include that in case you were so inclined. Your sidebars are clean-cut and to the point and will, no doubt, fill up with things once you open I’m sure. I do like the blanket trigger warning on the top of the About–I don’t know if some might deem it entirely necessary, but you want potential members to know what they’ll be looking at before they delve into your info, and I respect that.

A word on your Navigation: I don’t know if, in your theme, you can divide the navigation up more than by two headings, but if you can I would recommend it. Personally, I would divide it into: “Before Application,” including plot, rules, app, forms, etc / “Lore,” (or similar title) including your info on the Council, Silence, bestiary, locations, etc / & “After Applying,” with what you have. If that doesn’t appeal to you, I would say just try and reorganize the links? Why I say this: because jumping around from lore, lore, to app info, to lore, to form info, all in the top was kind of confusing for me. I get having the most important things first but it did seem a bit mish-moshed.

Your Plot is spot-on. You gave me background, you gave me current happenings, you gave me how things went down, and that’s excellent. One thing: think about including a paragraph on when/how/why the Council was formed? I think that would wrap it all up nicely and send a potential member into the “Chapter One” section seamlessly. Because I was suddenly like “wait who are these guys?? Where did they come from??” when I saw their name. Just a thought. As a writer I adored how you put it in as a “Chapter.” Something about the word choice really made me feel like I was entering at the beginning of a story by applying.

Your Rules are standard and fill every criteria for base lsrpgs that I, personally, am aware of. Your last bullet-point in “God Modding” however brought up a curiosity that you might want to think about putting somewhere in your lore: the rock-paper-scissors effect of the supernaturals. Who beats who? Who has a natural weakness to who? Etc etc. Just something to think about? I like that your Activity Check window is 48 hours. Very appealing to people who want to join but also worry about Check limits. QUESTION: At the top of your Rules, you say this is a “canon and original character roleplay.” What canon? I couldn’t find a fandom influence–not a blatant one. If you don’t mean from a fandom, you might want to rephrase to avoid people applying with fandom canon characters. If you mean YOUR canon, might I suggest “an original canon and original character roleplay” instead?

I don’t really feel like I can give an opinion on your Lore pages – after all, the Lore is yours. But it all reads very simply, cleanly, and to-the-point. I feel like if I have any questions they are easily answered by hitting up the main, too. (And as an admin of an rpg with a lot of lore, just be prepared to answer questions that are answered already, semi-often. It happens, am I right? ;) ) Something that would be cool: snippets from the Holy Book of the False Silence. HERE a popular video game, Dragon Age, wrote actual verses from their in-world “scripture,” maybe you could too. It would be very immersive and exciting for people who are Followers!

I love your Location page – plain and simple. There’s pictures, info, territory info, even economy info! You really did your research on the Big Easy, huh? That is great because it can mean potential members will feel immersed. I also like that you included a form for new locations to be added; it makes the members feel more included for sure.

And your Bestiary makes me melt. Firstly, I love the theme. You provide a great deal of information and also the essentials needed; a good balance for people who have a species in mind and people who are species-shopping! Great images, great aesthetic too. But one thing: the Bestiary is very dark compared to the main and all other pages. That struck me. Would you consider going lighter with it, or going darker with the main? Something to give it a balance.

Your app is smart and clean – asks for the necessary info on the character but that’s it. I don’t really understand what you mean when you say “Be calm!” at the top but if you like it, it doesn’t change anything. Simple apps have their benefits for sure, especially on the person reading and reviewing them. Personally, I’d recommend adding a question or two unique to your group, but that’s just a suggestion. It works well either way.

So about your Follow List… it confused the hell out of me, I’m going to be honest. Some characters had blogs, some links were dead, who are these people? As I understand it you haven’t opened yet? I’m a little lost at what to say here because I don’t want to make assumptions, ramble, and be wrong. So if you want to talk that one out together, feel free to message me! Otherwise, that confusion is an outsider’s opinion and might extend to potential members as well. Your Events Blog showed information from 4-5 years ago though, and I’d recommend either archiving it or deleting those posts because it does make a knee-jerk implication that you’ve already begun things.

My FAVOURITE THING about this rpg: your plot and lore. While supernatural-themed rpgs are still pretty common in the rpc, you took your idea with a fresh heart and great twists and the vitality of it is definitely something that I can see giving you a good membership, as well as great stories to thrill those members with. Main plots, side plots, factions; all things that make a great lsrpg in Jack’s book™.

My LEAST FAVOURITE THING about this rpg: you have a lot going on–a good thing–but somehow when I return to the main it feels a bit… hollow. Maybe that’s because you’re still prepping and not-yet open. Maybe that will change when you get events and plots going. Unfortunately I can’t quite describe it, and please feel free to disregard this as rambling, but I feel like something needs to solidify this group in my mind and heart. Something in the story, perhaps, that leaves me craving to know what will happen. But you’re probably working on that with your plots, I’m sure.

Overall, this is a group with potential brimming from the proverbial cauldron. You have a lot going on and a lot to finish up and already some great generated interest. I think anyone who looks at this group can feel like they have a new world to play in, but also the comforts of the supernatural rpg genre to form a community within. I wish you the best of luck, admin!!

Sincerely,Jack