#addendum: fuck around and find out

[teal-deer]

Sooner than you think.

Better than you imagine.

Whatever it is you hope for, I hope for that for you.

So mote it be.

[reginrokkr]

◜The stars illuminate all mortal destinies, but few have eyes to perceive their meaning.◞

◜Fate is a cruel and perilous thing. It bodes only ill, lurking in dark places like the Chasm. To me, that place is the epitome of human misfortune. People died there, far from their homes. People with hopes and dreams, dutiful to the bitter end... Different motivations resulted in the same tragic conclusion. People ought to fear disaster unless they can learn to draw strength from their fear. Perhaps Yelan is just such a unique case, undeterred by fate’s cruel design there is no path she will not go down in the pursuit of secrets.◞

◜Even I myself do not relish the solitary life I lead. When others are fortunate enough to meet a companion for their journey, I sincerely wish them the very best. After all, to this day, I hold that people should be authors of their own fate. Both the crane ready to make peace with the past and the beast with a grudge to bear have the freedom to make their journey home.◞

𝐂𝐗𝐗𝐗𝐕. Dain, sir. If you're trying to tell us something, please blink twice. In all seriousness now, it speaks volumes that even Dain was searching for his own destiny when he lost everything, even his purpose to live when he has no other choice but to continue doing so because of the curse of immortality. Only to decide that fate is a cruel thing. Re-reading this, I can't help but think that he has two fights going on, both of them in benefit to humans.

One, against the Abyss Order whose actions will certainly put in danger other people's safety and the second one against fate itself, highly likely the Heavenly Principles even, to reject this world (perhaps the current order). It gets me even more intrigued the thought that he's relevant to the possibility of re-weaving all threads of fate and I keep thinking that this would be his last act of kindness for not only humans, but this world and the other creatures that live in it. Because it's clear that fate is arguably the most messed up thing, specially if it can be decided just out of whim by some gods who are questionable at the very least.

[dunmeshistash]

I've been having a bunch of ideas kinda float around my mind like little screensavers that I didn't feel like putting on paper, but one of these ideas just so happened to hit a corner, and it gave me an idea for what might perhaps be a bit of a silly (and oddly specific) question, but one I was very interested in asking nonetheless. Especially after reading your long post on the Demon's perspective of Laios' backstory. I really hope you don't mind.

While my memory's a tad blurry on how the scene played out in detail, I still find Laios' confrontation with the demon to be one of my favorite scenes. Definitely top 5. It's the one where Laios secretly orders Izutsumi to execute him at the slightest hint of suspicion. That one. I think that scene is among my favorites because it's both a perfect demonstration of Laios' remarkable cleverness hidden underneath all that lack of social skills, but it's also the perfect demonstration of how utterly terrifying the demon is.

At first I was under the assumption that Laios had it all under control, but the Demon's frighteningly gentle with how he twists Laios' very thoughts in a way that frames him as some sort of misanthropist, and the Winged Lion's words seemingly foil whatever plan Laios may have had. It made me think that Laios had failed, and Izutsumi's orders to lob his head off may have been a fail safe because he didn't know if he could successfully thwart the Demon's plans.

However, after finishing the story, extras, etc; I started thinking that perhaps failing was all part of Laios' plan, too. At least partially. Perhaps he realised that the only way to outsmart and ultimately best the Demon, was to let the Demon win. Perhaps he concluded that the only way for him to stand a chance against the Demon was to lose, to be at the Demon's mercy, to have his words utterly twisted; because he couldn't just make the demon "think" he had won. The only way for the Demon, the embodiment of hunger, to think he had won, was for him to actually win.

Maybe he ordered Izutsumi to… how do you put it… "artificially shorten his lifespan" because he knew the Demon would use his love for monsters against him, and would manipulate him into wishing to become the Ultimate Strongest Monster. His recent addendum (that the Ultimate Strongest Monster can eat desires) seems to support this theory, if I remember correctly. However, I can't remember for certain. Maybe his plan was to trap the Demon in his body and kill it that way? I genuinely can't remember.

So, I was wondering if you'd be interested in answering this oddly specific and mildly stupid question: How much of Laios' interaction with the Demon was planned, and how much was him fucking around and finding out? I'd love to know your thoughts on this!

PS: Laios rocks the swag he dons as king. Would happily serve under him. PPS: I hope you have a wonderful rest of your week, Mr. Morbius! Thank you for this awesome blog. You're cool.

Hello!!!!! Yeah!!!!!! The question Kabru himself would rather not know!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Same as Kabru I decided not to think too hard about but Kui definitely gave us hints that this could be the case, I don't think Laios "planned" to fail from the start, he strikes me as a very optimistic guy (as you can see with how he first thought the confrontation with Thistle could go and how he STILL tried to talk to him instead of fighting) but I think he did "prepare" somewhat for the worst case scenario, hoping for the best but preparing for the worst?

Like I don't think this part of his plan was a misdirection I think he really hoped it could be this simple? So this was plan A (although he realizes this is too optimistic I think he hopes it will work)

This part tho I'm pretty sure was partly a misdirection for his teammates, since he asks them to help him get his mind back only to tell Izutsumi to kill him at the smallest hint he lost his mind, so I think this was plan B as in "If I become the lord of the dungeon kill me so there's no more dungeon lord" which was the original canary plan

Which again is kinda confirmed by this thought bubble

I think this was plan C

He knew he no longer wished for a country where humans and monsters could coexist (because of what he saw) so I guess he had *some* idea that becoming a monster was his other wish and added that as a fail safe if plan A and B failed? I don't think he could have guessed the Demon would use his body but maybe he thought he could use the nature of the demon against him (granting his desire to become a monster even tho the monster can eat him)

As Marcille and Kabru realize tho, that might all be a coincidence and he really thought plan A or B would work lmao. WHO KNOWS Laios' mind is a mystery

I'd recommend rereading chapter 88 if you want to go thru Laios' whole plan and how the demon manipulated him, it's a great chapter (87 too with the demon origin story)

[chlobliviate]

Wolfstar Microfic Prompt 4 - Monsters

TW: Bigoted legislation and 1970s homophobia mentions

Words: 619

@wolfstarmicrofic

***

Addendum to Monstrous Creatures Act 1975

All registered Werewolves are no longer permitted to join in matrimony with any person or creature effective from 01/01/1977.

“You read the Prophet?” James asked Sirius quietly, despite casting a muffliato on the bathroom. Nobody quite knew how sensitive Remus’ ears were, especially so close to the moon. Sirius nodded, “Has Remus?”

Sirius chanced a look over at where Remus was reading on his bed. “Dunno. Maybe not, he doesn’t seem…”

“We can’t let him see it,” James whispered.

“I’d like to see you try and stop him from reading something. The last time I tried that I ended up on my arse at the bottom of the stairs.” Sirius glanced over at Remus again, “He’s going to find out at some point anyway.”

“I know, but,” James sighed, “It’s going to hurt him so much.”

“He has us, and the girls, and your family,” Sirius rolled his eyes as James shot him a pointed look, “Our family. He’s not alone. Whenever he does find out, we all have to rally around him.”

“Yeah, we can do that.” James shook his head. “He’s going to pretend it doesn’t bother him, isn’t he?”

“You mean like how he pretended it didn’t bother him when he had that crush on Mary.” James groaned internally. When Sirius and Mary dated for a few weeks before the summer holidays, Remus became very quiet and withdrawn. They’d never spoken about it and James didn’t have the heart to tell Sirius that he was pretty sure it wasn’t Mary that Remus had feelings for.

“Something like that.” James shook his head.

“Are you done gossiping about whoever Sirius’ girl of the week is?” Remus asked loudly. “It’s almost dinnertime. I’m fucking starving.” James and Sirius looked at each other before stepping out of the bathroom. “You alright?”

“Yeah, fine.” Sirius shrugged.

Remus narrowed his eyes at them, “You’re a shit liar. Luckily, my hunger takes precedence over my curiosity about whatever your little mothers’ meeting was about. Let’s go.”

“Moony,” James said slowly. “You read it, didn’t you?”

Remus tried to keep moving towards the door before sighing and turning around. “Yes.”

“I’m so sorry, Moons.” Remus was taken aback at how sad Sirius looked. “They’re all fucking pricks.”

“Yeah,” he huffed out a soft laugh. “Although, it doesn’t exactly change much for me, personally. It’s still fucking awful.”

“It… doesn’t?” Sirius asked.

“Well, firstly, unregistered.” He gestured at himself, “And secondly, it’s not as if I could get married in the muggle world either. I never assumed marriage would be an option for me. 8 years ago, I’d have been arrested for—”

“What are you on about?” Sirius asked. “Oh, is this another weird muggle thing that I’m too ‘Ancient-House-of-Black” to understand? James?”

“Pads.” James shook his head with a smile.

“Oh, he still doesn’t know?” Remus sighed, “Pads, it won’t affect me, because I have no plans of ever marrying a girl. I like boys. Men can’t marry other men in this country, magical or muggle.”

“Oh, well good for y— Wait! Why ever not?” Sirius looked furious. "That's outrageous!"

Remus shrugged, “Some backward homophobic bullshit reason, I’m sure.”

“Well, that’s a load of bollocks.” He frowned, feeling fire in his stomach for a reason that he couldn’t entirely place as simply fury on Remus' behalf.

“It’s fine, I’m seen as a monster no matter which world I’m in. I’m used to it at this point.” Remus turned back to the door, missing the moment where Sirius Black’s heart broke. James reached for his brother’s hand and squeezed it.

“Things will be different one day, Remus,” James said softly. “This is just temporary.”

“Yeah, maybe.”

[tinycheesecakedetective]

*Addendum: Fading Letters AU pt. 2: White Lily

I'm a FOOL.

Apparently I've lost all sense of time because I've been gone for a YEAR AND FIVE MONTHS. What the heck. Right. My rendition of Swap!Lily, everyone. It would've been out sooner, but I cannot draw backgrounds for the life of me. This had me stumped for a good long while until I just decided "fuck it we ball", and here we are now. I'm just glad it's out so I don't have to worry about her anymore.

Now unlike PV, I thought White Lily didn't need any updates to her look in the AU. I thought she was pretty set and done, but I reserve the right to change my mind in the future. Her design is pretty simple; it's the blind healer outfit but more so tailored to White Lily. Her staff is bound shut, she's cloaked and wearing rags, and most notably, her eyes aren't visible. She's hiding her identity out of shame, in search of something precious to her.

~~~

Quick Rundown: White Lily is stuck in Beast Yeast after falling ill, so Pure Vanilla went in her place at her request. (For more information, click https://www.tumblr.com/tinycheesecakedetective/744518672544071680/im-baaaack-i-mean-i-made-one-post-about) .

After PV became this universe's Dark Enchantress, the other half of him was sent to the Fairy Kingdom. Meaning unlike Canon PV, White Lily found out VERY quickly about what happened to him(or what she thinks happened, all she knows is that he's dead), and she takes the news horribly. She immediately blames herself for what happened and ended up grief stricken over the entire thing, so much so that she hallucinates him calling out to her. Elder Faerie tried her best to console her afterwards, and told her it would be possible to bring him back. She swears she'll do everything in her power to bring him back, but the Dark Flour War starts and she has to head back to Crispia. During the fighting, White Lily debates telling the others about what happened to Pure Vanilla, but she doesn't get to when she sees what looks like PV. She thinks it's really him, but then upon closer inspection she realizes something's not right. In reality, the real PV is wreaking havoc across Earthbread as this universe's DE, and no one knows it. The final battle is upon them, and PV has them against the ropes, their soul jams in his grasp. In a last ditch effort, White Lily attacks full force with dark moon magic and is able to stop him. She realizes who he really is, and while she's shocked, WL instead shows determination. She's part of the reason why he is the way he is, but she wants to set things right.

After the war, WL spent some of her time in Beast Yeast in order to understand how to bring back PV. With Elder Faerie's help, she returned to Crispia in search of the soul gem shards. She becomes a nomad, wandering around the world and only stopping for breaks. Along the way, she meets several cookies and makes a new friend. Her journey comes to a halt, however, when a group of travelers also finds one of the shards in their own quest.

~~~

Got all that? Great, here are a few head canons! White Lily's the one that bound her staff shut. From time to time, she visits the Vanilla Kingdom and gives a small tribute to PV. WL also keeps in touch with Elder Faerie through white butterflies he sends, and he gives her advice and motivation. Sometimes she makes small resting areas, and whenever she packs up a lily is there in it's place.

And that's it for now! If you have any questions or suggestions, feel free to ask. Y'all have a good evening!

[notenoughdragons]

so i caved yesterday after *gestures* all of that on the other side of the pond, and bought veilguard (meant to wait till the first bugfix patch is out), and i have thoughts

(spoilers for the first few quests)

fucking adore the character creator. overwhelming as heck but God a+

addendum: why tf aren't there different lip/mouth shapes. we have like 30 eyelash options. i'm p sure da:i had diff mouth shapes

THERE'S NO QUICK SAVE/LOAD OPTION???? why on god's green earth

the photo mode is NEAT (tip, get yourself reshade plus the "mod" that allows hiding the UI, so you can do screenshot nonsense in cutscenes too)

it took me like 15 min to get rid of the quest marker bc that shit is hidden in Two diff menus but oh my god so worth it

on that note, i'm Really enjoying the area/level/dungeon design, and traversing it Without an annoying big blue star thing blinking at you is really good

the environments are just. unhinged in the best way. THE CROSSROADS? D'META VILLAGE?? THE OSSUARY???? perfect no notes

have i mentioned the hair? the hair is really good. i'm a lttle obsessed with the style i gave my rook, i didn't think i'd like it this much

okay let's talk plot bc. uh.

see, on the one hand? so far (recruited bellara and got the dagger and fucked around in the crossroads and am currently getting murdered by murdering calivan so lucanis will murder for Me) it… works for me? like it really feels like getting thrown into the DEEP deep end, but it's a kind of. idk. sensible progression?

and oh my god ghilan'nain. i kinda hate how normal she comes across in the memory dungeon lab? (which. AMAZING QUEST) but also i love that SHE'S UNHINGED, that solas clearly held sympathies for her, the way i YELLED when you hear her voice when that dragon shows up in the blighted village??? amazing

(NO fucking idea how this would play for someone who's not familiar with the series, good lord the amount of exposition crammed randomly into codex cards???)

that being said. how the fuck does this connect from trespasser/tevinter nights. solas what Happened to you. like this is (part of) why i'm Not using saar as the inq in this run, bc even pretending they Weren't madly in love, it doesn't work. i don't think it works for Any inquisitor who befriended/romanced him (unless maybe one who decided to go full scorched earth and hunt him down at all costs)

in meta terms i know why this is happening but How is varric our insight point into solas and the connection to him. even if you're not playing them, this Should be the inq. solas doesn't lose a single fucking word about anyone But the inquisitor in trespasser. it's just this really tragic dissonance y'know

also the way this game is frontloaded is so fucking funny (i am also choosing to find it funny). IMMEDIATELY unleash the evanuris. IMMEDIATELY get solas trapped somewhere so he can't use his not-god powers to help you. FIRST "normal" quest is a horror movie walkthrough of The Most Blighted Village You Can Imagine, like okay! solas spends all of da:i being fucking coy about the blight and now it's like 'the evanuris are blighted. yeah they used the blight for power that's why i trapped them. they got out and immediately start spitting blight everywhere For Power. the REST of the blight is trapped in the evanuris prison. yeah the black city IS the evanuris prison. also blight is alive too. uh what else'

sidenote. did. did no one think it was A Little Weird to frame it like 'solas is trapped in the fade' - 'but not like us! we're also trapped in the fade but in a completely different way!'

i do love the fade conversations, it's got dishonored vibes

(and cut-away scenes to the Villains Having Ominous Convos! i liked that in da:o)

also i have hints turned on and the. the little pop-ups. "solas remembers your verbal jab" THANKS GAME

ACTUALLY SPEAKING OF THOSE VILLAIN CONVERSATIONS. we're just gonna drop into a fucking codex that the lyrium dagger IS the red lyrium idol??? SOLAS CAN CLEANSE THE BLIGHT AND WE'RE NOT GONNA TALK ABOUT IT????

basically. the connective tissue to da:i etc is uhhhh. insane. bonkers, even. but also when i ignore that, it's legit fun??

also good lord i'm glad i didn't try to come up with a super specific character/backstory for this, the faction backstories are Real specific, and rook is written with a v definitive Slant (not a bad one! but there IS a slant)

[the-magpie-collective]

[Part 3/3]: It gets worse

Part 2

Because yes, the writing gets worse.

First, it's very clearly implied that the pact has already been broken when Mizora first arrives in camp in Act 3. Mizora offers Wyll a new pact to both herself and Zariel: 'Option one. I show you the way to your father. I guarantee him no harm except that from you and your allies. And you pledge your soul to me and the archdevil Zariel in a pact eternal.' A warlock cannot have more than one pact in DnD, the mechanics do not allow for it, a soul cannot be forfeit twice. But then she goes on to state: 'Option two. I break your pact. You are freed from your duty but retain your devil form. Your father dies by his enemy's hand.' So his pact isn't broken? Which is it?

Why didn't they write something like, 'Or Option one. You rescind your request to have your pact broken, I offer an alternate boon, and you continue to pledge your soul to me.' Why would you ever write it like that if that Pact isn't broken? Why does Mizora need to break the Pact if it is? It makes no sense.

As if that isn't bad enough we come to my least favorite part: Addendum F.

Addendum F. 'The Absolute must be avenged for the soul-binder's detention at Moonrise. The soul-bearer retains his gifts until such time as the Absolute is slain.'

What?! What do you mean Mizora can just add on addendums willy-nilly to the Pact without even so much as needing to run it by Wyll first? How the fuck does this make any sense? If Mizora can just add whatever she wants to Wyll's pact then why would she ever actually break it? Why not have Wyll dress up as a clown every full moon and run around terrorizing children? Why not use Wyll's pact to make every single soul in Baldur's Gate forfeit to her? 

This addendum is so stupid. I hate it. The only reason for it to exist is so that the in game mechanics make sense and Wyll doesn't have to be respecced as something other than a warlock at the 11th hour. But if that's the case why not just add something into the six months clause? Easy fix to add 'Clause Z, Section Thirteen: 'If the soul-binder consents to separation, she will release the soul-bearer from all obligation and rescind all gifted powers within six months. Like really why? What possessed them to add this addendum? Why make it seem like Mizora can change the Pact at any time and for any reason? Were they so oblivious to their own writing that this is the only way they could think of to patch that potential plot hole?

I just can't.

This is Wyll's narrative Arc and the writing is so slap-dash. It doesn't make sense. The player feels like they have little to no choice in the outcome. Wyll has no choice in the outcome. The stakes feel pointless because there's no reason why breaking Wyll's pact should endanger his father. The path the player has to follow is inane. And when we get to the end we find out it was all pointless anyways because the pact is clearly whatever shit Mizora makes up on the spot that comes to her mind because that's the only way any of this makes sense. This is the level of writing I'd expect from a DM who suddenly needed to pull something out of their ass, not a team of writers who have had plenty of time to sit down and plot out a story.

In the story they built there's no point in Wyll struggling to escape. This isn't a 'well, Wyll's story was hastily rewritten' issue. This is a bad writing issue. No attention or care was paid towards making the narrative crux of Wyll's story actually make sense. No one bothered to make Mizora's pact make any sense. You cannot tell me there wasn't a planned ending for EA Wyll to break his pact; I won't believe you. The writers clearly just didn't care to make it make sense.

Mizora's Pact might just be the symptom, but it really shows how poorly Wyll's narrative arc was written.

[hanayanaa]

regarding the symbolism of V's glasses:

(plain text in read more)

** addendum: when she gets posessed in the middle/end of episode 5, and she's on the ceiling, her glasses fall off, because...gravity, duh.... but it symbolizes the loss of her true self in that moment, as well as telling the audience it's V that got posessed without having a character say it. the loss of the glasses also represents a loss of innocence, as she's actively being traumatized there, since she's still conscious, but unable to control her body as Solver uses her.

after N gives her back her glasses, she comes back to her senses, therefore returning back to her true self.

oh, the glasses she had during the sentinel fight were the same ones she had during her worker drone days by the way, if you look closely at the frames, the damage is the same! she had them this entire time....

pic 1:

discord message:

idk why but the glasses still on her mutilated fucking body hurts me so bad

like almost a representation of her innocence, or her true self

.....

brain blast

bc every time she has the glasses on or they're shown, she's her true self, or is coming to or revealing her true self

in EP 5 when N puts them on and she slowly comes to, and in EP 6 where she drops her defenses and is genuine to Uzi

(animated emoji of guy slamming the ground)

and the fact she's been carrying them this entire time, her true self never left her

her true self is still there, behind all the layers of hurt and fear, and all her defenses that she puts up

that kind and sweet and shy girl is still there...

the one who loves puppies and blowing bubbles and waving around dumb flags 😭

pic 2:

(replying to previous message i sent saying "ahhh...now that she's lost [her glasses].....")

brain blast..... before she always had them, but she was hiding them on her body, much like she hid her true self in order to protect herself, because she's so scared of everything. But now that she pulled them out and couldn't get them to hide them again, her full self is now always going to be shown, mostly anyway

but the shattering of her glasses means two things:

1) her protective walls coming down, being vulnerable and honest with her friends and teammates

2) her hope and innocence being completely lost. She's in despair. She really, really doesn't think there's any light at the end of the tunnel for her. She's given up. She's given up, and she knows she's either going to be abandoned or die, and that right at that moment, that place of death was the most peaceful option for her solemn scared mind. She would be free from her endless cycle of pain, and her body would be torn apart to never be able to be used agsin. And her teammates no longer care for her, so she's not hurting them by dying in this way, surely. Her and her body are no longer going to be a burden on everyone either. She can finally find peace, her expression at the end is solemn, but in a strange way, hopeful and at peace. Her only hope at that point was to be released from her pain, however.

10.3 hours !!!! 🎉🎉🎉

(referring to the total hours spent literally just ranting about V at that point LOL...it's like at 12 1/2 now)

[badkitty3000]

How do you think he would react to being dumped out of nowhere by someone he liked a lot?

The addendum to this question by Anon was "for no reason". And thank you for this, because once I started thinking about it, I realized my poor little version of Five has been dumped several times over by multiple love interests in my writings. Although usually he had it coming! But he does not take it well, to say the least. Of course, they always see the light and come back in the end, but he has to suffer first. 😂

Five may be amazing in a multitude of different ways, but he is still human. And no one likes to be dumped. Especially by someone they really liked or loved. Everyone reacts differently to heartbreak, though, and Five being Five he is going to be extra dramatic about it.

If he sees it coming, he's going to start to panic and try and salvage the situation. I don't want to say "begging" necessarily, but definitely trying to convince them not to do it. When that doesn't work, he switches gears and starts to get mean as a defense mechanism. Spitting a few insults back at them that he knows will hit them where it hurts is the final nail in the relationship coffin. He knows this, so he's not going to stick around any longer than he has to; either storming off or blinking away to hide his true feelings.

Afterwards, when he's alone, that's when he starts his downward spiral. It's his fault. He did this. He had it so good and he went fucked everything up. He's not normal and he doesn't know how to be in a real relationship. What was he even thinking. He's better off alone. He's not meant for love.

Oh, the angst!! 😫

This is accompanied by some major binge drinking and wallowing in self-pity. He is too proud to try and go back and apologize. He figures they've written him off anyway, so what's the point. Maybe he'll throw himself into his work (i.e. murder) to try and get his mind off of it.

Eventually, he'll move on. He'll clean up his act a little and maybe stop drinking so much. He'll start to be a little more social. But that wound is never going to heal completely. He will carry it around with him forever; just another lasting scar among many that serve as reminders of his past failures.

Poor Fivey! More damn drama than a teenage girl whose rival is wearing the same dress as her to the school dance, I swear to god! 😂

The real question, though, is who are these people breaking up with our man? As if they are going to find another hot, dark haired, brooding man with past trauma and anger issues that is dynamite in the sack, loves them unconditionally, and would kill for them. When you win the jackpot, you don't just throw it away! Everyone knows if you hang in there long enough, you can fix him (this is a joke btw).

Thanks for the ask! ❤️

[livwritesstuff]

So Steve and Ed are fine with their kids cursing (for a few reasons, but selfishly because they themselves don’t want to stop their own cursing for the sake of their kids) and in general this works out fine. However, they do have some ground rules that were shaky at best initially with Moe but by the time Hazel came around, it had solidified into a system that was at least semi-functional.

Rule 1: Curse words can only be used in the house (the first rule, the one that established the whole system, and was created after 2yo Moe dropped many f-bombs at a gymnastics class much to displeasure of all the other parents)

Rule 2: You must know the meaning of a curse word to use it – their dad is, after all, an accomplished writer and he will not have his children using any word incorrectly, even if it is profane

Rule 3: No cursing at anybody – “go to hell” is one of very few phrases the girls learned from someone other than their dads (they’re pretty sure Robbie had snuck out of bed one night and eavesdropped on a not-so-kid-friendly movie Ed and Steve were watching), but one that was nixed from their vocabulary the second it dropped from one of their mouths

Rule 4: No angry-cursing – this one is sort of an addendum to the third rule that developed as the girls got older and started to actually bicker with each other, and any follow-up conversations about it are usually accompanied by something like this:

Steve: If your insult requires a curse word, it’s not a good enough insult 

Eddie: *face palms*

The rules are easy enough to enforce, but a little trickier to teach, mostly because Steve and Eddie both find it absolutely hilarious to hear their daughters cursing (honestly it’s another big reason why they allow it), even if the way they’re going about it goes against the “rules”. Most notably, when Robbie was 4 and trying to get Steve’s attention from another room, she had confidently yelled “Papa, get the fuck in here!!!” and Steve had been practically doubled over with silent laughter, managing a straight face long enough to tell her to never say that again before he had to remove himself for five whole minutes.

[jomiddlemarch]

I loved and guessed at you, you construed me

It was not that he was waiting for her as much as that he was most often in the faculty sitting room at this hour and so was she and the staff knew to leave out a full tea service and also a magically chilled bottle of very dry amontillado, the color of her eyes. And then to tell anyone else that the room was occupied and that they were not to be disturbed.

It wasn’t that he was waiting for her, but he did look up when she came into the room, letting the ancient, rare and precious book he held slip out of his hand, an instinctive, wandless spell keeping it from clattering onto the floor.

“You cut your hair,” Draco said. 

Any pretense to eloquence, savoir-faire, or intellectual rigor associated with achieving his Potions Mastery and Mwandamizi kemia had been decimated by the four words, uttered in a tone of complete shock, which given his Pureblood upbringing meant flat, with a hint of scorn. He had spent the past twelve years working to convince Hermione he wasn’t that man anymore, the one who would have meant the scorn, the fault-finding appraisal, cold and superior and not terribly clever underneath it all.

(The one he’d felt doomed to become before the chandelier fell in his family’s ballroom. Before she’d testified to keep him out of Azkaban. Before she’d returned his formal letter of apology with a brief addendum You were a child, Draco an absolution he didn’t deserve.)

Blaise always said he was his own worst enemy. Theo always nodded and offered a glass of single malt Scotch. Neville always shrugged and tried to reassure Draco, meandering through some nonsense about how they’d all had to grow up too soon, let down by the adults, forced to experience trauma that they’d been lucky to survive and a plate of buttered toast would soon set him to rights.

Luna changed the subject and talked about some possibly fictional chimerical creature to take his mind off his shortcomings. It never worked but he appreciated her effort and consistency.

“I suppose that’s better than ‘Bloody hell.’ And “Holy fucking Christ.’ Harry reverts to Muggle obscenity when he’s really surprised,” Hermione replied. “You only told me what I already know, as I didn’t accidentally fall into a Mongolian silver scissor-bush.”

“Is that a thing?” Draco asked. 

He had to keep talking but there was a lot to take in, the startlingly gorgeous line of her bare neck, the angle of her jaw, how her eyes looked enormous, luminous. How her chestnut hair was swept across her brow and came to a delicate little point on the nape of her neck, all these hidden aspects suddenly marvels revealed. Suddenly, astonishingly breath-taking and erotic and also heart-breaking, because he’d wanted so to run his fingers through her loose hair, to stand behind her and draw a brush through her curls. Watching her eyes get drowsy in the dressing-table’s looking-glass, resting a hand on her bare shoulder and feeling the tickling silk of her hair. He’d wanted to cast the spell that ended the charm securing her chignon, to pull out the jeweled pins she used to keep her braids in the coronet around her head. 

“No. It sounds like something Luna would mention though,” Hermione shrugged. It was as if he’d never seen the gesture before.

“It’s a lot to take in,” he said.

“It’s actually not. It’s both literally and figuratively not,” she said, rolling her eyes. “Snape being a double-agent in love with Harry’s mum was a lot to take in. Any Sunday lunch at Molly Weasley’s table is a lot to take in. War and Peace in the original Russian without a translation charm is a lot to take in. I took off a few inches—”

“A few inches?”

“Fine, I got the first professional, Muggle, haircut of my adult life because I was fed up with my hair and charms and Sleekeezy and glamours, so many glamours, and you would think I have announced I am Grindelwald’s secret lovechild,” she said in a tone of complete exasperation, pursing her lips in a matching moué he felt an impossible urge to kiss very thoroughly and until she was gasping his name. 

He was fairly certain that action would not be requited, not now, and potentially not ever.

But definitely not now.

She was now almost glaring at him, waiting for a response.

If this was ever to become something beyond hopeless pining, if he were ever to be allowed to call her sweetheart and coax her back to bed, he couldn’t get the next part wrong.

“Are you happy with it?” he said. It was a gamble, saying anything would have been a gamble, but there was a chance he’d gotten it right.

He’d surprised her, that he could tell instantly, though her face changed very subtly. It meant no one else who’d seen her had asked and considered she might be. No one else had thought about why she’d done it, only what they thought of it. Evidently, both Weasley and Potter had indicated a negative response, Weasley likely driven by his own unrealized Pureblood upbringing, where all witches wanted the long hair associated with power and Potter never wanted her to be anything other than she’d been in their youth, when her unruly hair was her most obvious signifier.

“Yes, I think I am,” she said. 

“That’s good. That’s what matters,” he said. He was supposed to reference the book he’d been reading or follow-up on their most recent conversation about geopolitics or whether Chopin was a Squib or at the very least offer her something to drink, the tea first and then, when she demurred, the sherry. But all of those would require him to look away from her and he couldn’t bring himself to do it.

Not quite yet.

“I ought to have done it a long time ago,” she said. She spoke without her usual forthright confidence, but also without any of the regret the statement might have implied. She sounded hesitant, as if she wanted something from him she felt she shouldn’t. Or shouldn’t ask for.

It was tempting to make some sort of declaration, offer reassurance or an argument. But he’d gotten this far by asking her a question.

“Why do you say that?”

“I don’t know. It would have been a way to move on. Grow up. Make my life easier, decide it for myself,” she said. She was watching him very closely as she spoke. She liked that he’d asked, though she wasn’t smiling. “It wouldn’t have been grief or some kind of, I don’t know, unhinged trauma response.”

It would very much have been a response to the colossal trauma she’d experienced if she’d hacked it all off after being tortured, and it wouldn’t have been unhinged when one considered the myriad extremely risky alternatives she might have chosen, but Draco wasn’t about to ruin everything. Even as his own worst enemy, he could keep from doing that.

“It could have been just something you do when you’re in your twenties, trying something out. Like, going to the Maldives or studying Norn. Learning earth magic from tribal elders in Namib.”

“Only you would saying learning earth magic in Namib is something you do in your twenties,” Draco said wryly. “Most people just go to the pub and fret a lot.”

“You didn’t,” she said.

“I think it’s well established I’m not most people,” he said.

“No. You’re not. You’re the only person who didn’t tell me cutting my hair was a terrible mistake,” she said. “As if it could even remotely compare to the other terrible mistakes I’ve made.”

“It’s not a terrible mistake,” he said. “And you’re the person I know best whose made the fewest terrible mistakes in her life and we can sit here drinking sherry talking about it because of it.”

“My parents wouldn’t agree,” she said.

“Neither would mine. I wonder how people grow up when they don’t have to discover their parents were deeply, entirely wrong about something absolutely crucial to survival,” Draco said.

“We could ask Blaise Zabini,” Hermione said after very clearly Thinking About It, a little crease appearing between her eyebrows.

“Too risky,” Draco replied. “It’s only the husbands people talk about but people have a way of disappearing when they ask questions about his mother.”

“No one would comment on her haircut,” Hermione said wistfully. “What a bloody icon.”

Draco laughed, startled.

“You’re enchanting,” he blurted out. Stupid, gauche, impulsive—he could go on (and on) about how ill-considered it had been.

“Well, I am a witch,” she said. She did not seem put off. In fact, she smiled at him, a little shyly.  “Goes with the territory—”

“You enchant me. Bewitch me,” he said, throwing caution to the winds. “You don’t want anyone to comment on how you look, so I shouldn’t but you’re exquisite—”

He broke off, fearing he’d broken it all. She was still in the room and he still had all his bits and bobs, when he knew she was a dab hand at wandless curses. It was rather late to decide discretion was the better part of valor, but better late than never.

“I didn’t do it for you,” she said.

“No,” he replied.

“I didn’t do it only for you,” she clarified. “But I was curious to see how you’d react.”

“Did you have a hypothesis? You usually do,” he said.

“Yes. You’ve exceeded it slightly,” she said. There was a gleam in those sherry-brown eyes and when she tilted her head to the side, he understood the vampire’s insatiable lust. 

“I can do better than slightly,” he said, half-dazed with the realization that she was requiting far more than he’d ever imagined. And that she’d imagined his response to seeing her bare neck, had wanted his admiration. He got up from his chair and crossed the room to her, standing close enough to take her in his arms. “I can do a wide margin. Prodigious. Overwhelmingly—”

“I like prodigious,” she said and he leaned in and kissed her parted lips softly, then deeply, one hand at her waist, the other cupping her cheek. The urge to possess her was tremendous, held in check only by an immense and constant tenderness, the moon that could pull the devouring tide back from the shore.

“Can I see overwhelmingly?” she whispered. “For comparison—”

“Of course,” he answered and moved to kiss her neck. He tasted the pulse of her carotid, sucking gently where he wanted to nip her. He moved back up to the hollow behind her ear, grazing her lobe with his tongue, then murmured,

“You cut your hair. I love it.”

[beevean]

Honestly what annoys me more about the fandom's reaction to Chaomix is that the main talking points haven't changed. Only the context around them did. It's still "2010 sonic bad" and "sega bad" except now it comes with an addendum of "they bad because they tried to appeal to those reviewers and journos". Which sucks because it would be a legit point on it's own but it's being used as a smokescreen for some to still hate on the games while presenting it like they are defending them.

I will bet everything I have that in a decade the "Meta Era" will gain new appreciation exactly the same way as the "Dark Age".

The Dark Age used to be despised for multiple reasons. It had some objectively flawed games back to back, for sure, but part of the backlash was also due to the Classic fans being the majority of the fandom, being very unhappy with the direction of the franchise. A lot of nowadays beloved Sonic games used to be laughingstocks.

Sonic Heroes? A janky repetitive mess that did not follow up to the masterpiece that was SA2 because it was too kiddy, and we're so tired of Sonic's Shitty Friends.

Shadow the Hedgehog? Not only it was OW THE EDGE, but it was legitimately seen as an affront to everything Sonic stood for, shilling a creator's pet that had long overstayed its welcome.

Sonic '06? One of the worst games of all time. Nearly killed the franchise, and maybe it should have. Buggy and rushed in a way that was unacceptable for an anniversary game and the next gen game. A shitty ass story full of holes with damsels in distress that make out with animal corpses.

Sonic Unleashed? The Werehog was fucking stupid and once again spitting on everything Sonic stood for, and we're so tired of cinematic stories! (yes the complaint that the intro was too long was a real complaint)

Sonic and the Black Knight? Sonic with a sword was fucking stupid. No one cared about the story.

The beginning of the Meta Era was exactly what fans wanted back then. Colors was seen as Sonic's comeback for things like not having an intro cutscene, having a "saturday morning cartoon" story with only Sonic and Tails and none of the Shitty Friends, having Eggman as the final boss instead of yet another monster, and sticking only with the "good" parts of Unleashed. Read its Funny page on TvTropes, and you'll find many of the jokes that nowadays are used as proof that Pontaff were hacks and Flynn was so real for making fun of them both in IDW and in Frontiers. It was seen as Sonic's glorious return because finally, at long last, Sonic was going back to his Classic roots.

But now? Now those same Classic fans grew older and even more disillusioned with the franchise, so they left, and they were replaced by the Adventure fans, now old enough to be heard. Now Heroes is a cute game, with much better level design than shitty games like Forces. ShTH is secretly deeper than people gave it credit for, and Shadow is cool again, and at least characters do stuff, unlike in Forces. Sonic '06 was full of ambition, unlike Forces where they didn't even try. Sonic Unleashed can pretty much compete with SA2 as a masterpiece. SatBK has a wonderful story that truly gets Sonic, unlike Forces where everyone is stupid and lame.

See a pattern?

Hell, even things like Eggman as a final boss is getting backlash now. I've seen people praising Frontiers' The End because of this. Eggman as the final villain got stale again. These are the Adventure fans who grew up with Eggman getting swatted away or teaming up with Sonic, and liking it.

(I'm an Adventure fan too, but funnily enough, Colors was the first game where I ever liked Eggman precisely for keeping him as the main threat lol)

It's a cycle. The 2010s were the era of "the 2000s sucked, we want to go back to the '90s when Sonic used to be good". The 2020s will be, and already are, the era of "the 2010s sucked, we want to go back to the 2000s when Sonic used to be good". I am eagerly waiting for the videos named "Sonic Forces was not that bad, you guys were just mean". It will come. Just like '06 used to be reviled and mocked to death and now it has gained respect, the same will happen to Forces. Just like Forces is now seen as "unserious" and apologetic, the same will happen with Frontiers and its "I'm sorry we sucked, we'll do better next time" tone. Just like Pontaff were seen as a breath of fresh air and now they are seen as the people who ruined Sonic, the same will happen to Flynn. You'll see.

[gettingfrilly]

I just wanna talk about this scene for a second because

A: It's our first glimpse at a truly pissed off Ed, and I love how differently he deals with anger from Double D and Eddy. The other Eds both externalize their anger, Eddy at the slightest provocation and Double D once he's reached his boiling point. Ed, however, internalizes, sulking and moping and only lashing out when it's to get others to leave him alone. This makes sense given Ed's home life, where Sarah's needs and feelings are so prioritized over his own.

B: This is a great look into how Eddy's own emotional needs have probably been addressed in the past (definitely by Bro, maybe by his father and mother, too.)

C: This scene contains the single funniest interaction between Ed and Double D, which is when Ed rolls his eyes at him. The reason I find this so funny is that in almost every other scenario, Ed is never shown to have a keen theory of mind. Sure, he can usually tell when people are overtly angry or sad, but when it comes to more nuanced emotions, motivations, intentions, social graces, and thoughts of others, Ed usually hasn't got a clue. Even in the final scene of BPS, Ed continues to smile as Bro assaults Eddy, not realizing the gravity of the situation until Eddy gets slammed against the side of his trailer repeatedly. He truly lives in his own world full of his own fantasies with little recognition for the social situations around him until they become too extreme for him to stay ignorant to.

So that even Ed can think to himself "Oh boy, here we go, this fucking guy" when Double D gets all Morally Responsible and Must Do The Right Thing shows just how much of a fake ass bitch Double D really is and I'm absolutely living for it.

C. (addendum) The only other time in the series that Ed shows a functioning theory of mind outside of extreme circumstances is when Double D makes him a bowl of gross organic oatmeal in "Will Work for Ed." Double D starts in on one of his rambles, and Ed gives him a wide, fake smile until he has a chance to toss the oatmeal over his shoulder without Double D noticing. I like to think there is something particularly insufferable about Double D that is able to activate the lesser used parts of Ed's mind like some kind of survival mechanism.

[ghostflowerhotpotch]

THE most obvious animation mistake in ATSV

We went from 3 spikes to 2 spikes.

Want to know something funny? I notice this in my first viewing.

(OP related an anecdote under the cut, nothing really important.)

Okay so fun story, I notice this the first time I watched this movie, like IMMEDIATELY.

I remember vividly about it because when I saw that three spikes I thought "Oof, that should be looking very awkward on the front."

I don't really draw often, but when I was a kid I had a bit of interest in fantasy outfits and such. I still have the most barebones knowledge on clothing and such, yet when I saw those spikes I thought it would dwarf Prowler's head and look awkward.

And just a few frames later- no third spike, it wasn't dwarfing his head anymore.

Full disclosure, I was stupid high when I saw the movie. Don't ask me why I thought it would be a good idea to see this movie high as fuck (let alone in my first viewing,) so I deadass thought I had somehow imagine it.

The fact that when I came out of the theatre and I saw NO ONE saying anything about it (not friends of mine or the internet,) also made me think this.

[Small addendum, because I imagine I may have minors looking at my blog: 1) Don't do anything until you are on whatever age is legal in your country, 2) I am in Canada so everything I consume is regulated and ergo, a lot safer than you can find on the street. 3) If you aren't 100% lucid in a public place, make sure you have people you trust and are sober around you, so nobody can take advantage of your situation.]

Eventually I saw the movie enough times to realize that no, I didn't imagine anything, it was indeed a mistake.

So why I never said anything?

Well...I was kind of protective about the movie.

At the beginning was me seeing on twitter and a bit of tiktok people being assholes about the diversity in the movie, and the idea that someone would look at the mistake I caught and try to be like "See?! The movie isn't that good! Look at this obvious mistake!" made me enraged.

Then, not so long after I started this blog, the truth about how overworked were the animators came to the light, and the idea of bringing up this mistake made me feel even worse because after all these people had been through, trying to be an smart ass to point out a mistake felt wrong. Specially because as I had said before, regardless of how many things I may or not Spot, this movie is amazing and I love it with all my heart; I didn't want to bring unnecessary grief to anyone.

So, why say anything now?

It has been a few months since it came out, I am starting to notice the fandom growing quieter (maybe it will pick up once this movie is out for free in a streaming service, no idea when or which one would be.) And I feel with all these talks about strikes (which the animators would probably do next year, wishing the best of luck for them,) fair pay and such, I think people may be more open to think "this wouldn't had happened if the movie hasn't been as rushed as it is" rather than "this is movie is bad because it has mistakes."

As I said it in other posts, this is a small mistake at the end of the day. Regardless of how you may or may not feel about these inconsistencies, people in general don't notice nor does interrupt their viewing experience.

This is a movie that juggles layers upon layers of themes, plot lines and deep, complicated characters; it does all the important bits than a lot of other movies out there. Which is what matters at the end.

[dzthenerd490]

File: Beetlejuice

SCP#: AJF

Code Name: The Hitchhikers Guide to the Afterlife

Object Class: OVM

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-AJF-House is to be allowed to remain in the custody of the Deetz family though in exchange every week a Foundation researcher is to roam the house and scan the frequencies and wavelengths for any changes. Due to the remoteness of the area and minimal chances of containment breach due to the nature of the anomaly no further containment procedures have been made. 

Furthermore, if any updates to SCP-AJF-Guide are made, Foundation staff are to be notified immediately.

Description: SCP-AJF is the only known connection to one of the most interesting and often confusing forms of the afterlife. Within SCP-AJF are the souls of deceased couple Barbara and Adam Maitland. As is typical of those who have died a tragic and untimely death, they have become ghosts and are bound to the house. However, unlike normal ghosts who simply can’t leave if either of the Maitlands try they will be teleported to SCP-AJF-Saturn which is a hell like afterlife that exists on the surface of Saturn where there are endless deserts, dust storms, and giant sand worms that attack anything they encounter.

Though the Foundation only has the Maitlands words to confirm this, it was revealed this afterlife was really after an experiment on Saturn. Please see Addendum X-82 for details.

***

Addendum X-82

The following is a recording of an experiment conducted on the surface of Saturn with Dr. Sky as the head researcher. A D-Class was sent to Saturn in a drop pod, though unknown to him he was drugged with a lethal dose killing him as soon as he landed. This was done to see if not only could contact the dead be established but to see if the planet people were on affected the afterlife they went to. Horrifically it was proven a success

Begin Recording

Dr. Sky: D-56392, can you hear me?

D-56392: I hear you doc but uh... where am I... there's nothing but desert here.

Dr. Sky: Are- Are you already out the pod?

D-56392: Uh... Doc there is no pod here... How did I even get here?

Dr. Sky: Uh, we're sending another pod to get, you until then try to wander around a little and see what you can find.

D-56392: Uh, sure doc but this is super freaky. It's like an entirely different world... holy shit I can see moons in the sky. Doc where the fuck am I?

Dr. Sky: You're on the surface of Saturn D-56392.

D-56392: Wha... No that's impossible. I should be dead. I'm not a scientist doc but I know no one can survive on-

Dr. Sky: ... D-56392? Are you alright?

D-56392: AAAAAH! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?

Dr. Sky: D-56392! What is going on are you alright?

D-56392: I DON'T FUCKING KNOW ITS SOME KIND OF BIG FUCKING WORM! ITS TRYING TO EAT ME! GET ME OFF THIS GODDAMN PLANET DOC.

Dr. Sky: ... So that confirms. SCP-AJF-Saturn, thank you for your services D-56392. Disconnect the connection and turn off the device.

D-56392: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU-? AAAA-!

Dr. Sky: Sorry, D-56392... maybe next time don't place explosives in a children's hospital.

Recording Ends

*** 

The Maitlands also possess SCP-AJF-Guide which is a book that allows them to both understand and go to different but organized sections of the afterlife including SCP-AJF-Office. SCP-AJF-Office is a strange world within the afterlife where managers and office workers can assist, assign, and escort souls to different afterlives or even allow them reincarnation. However, each one is given a waiting ticket for how long they must wait for such assistance and thus how long they will remain ghosts. It is possible for souls to get shortened time or be allowed to choose the afterlife you go to or even be allowed to roam freely in the world but a deal must be made. As is typical in regarding ghosts, spirits, and demon anomalies these deals often include trading the souls of the living, altering the form of their souls, and various other odd and horrific deals. 

The one who seems to have the most leverage and experience over these deals is SCP-AJF-Beetlejuice. SCP-AJF-Beetlejuice is an undead entity that somehow is able to travel through SCP-AJF and other afterlives connected to it freely. He takes on the appearance of someone with rotten and pale skin, green hair, sunken eyes, a white and black striped suit, and always smiles. SCP-AJF can be summoned when you say his name three times and always wants to make a deal especially with those in the living. SCP-AJF-Beetlejuice is more of a trickster than anything, but all Foundation staff are advised to never mistake his carefree attitude as he is anything but benevolent. 

SCP-AJF-Beetlejuice originally commonly tormented the Maitlands and the Deetz in hopes of making deals with them, especially the daughter of the Deetz. He wanted to marry her in hopes of having a connection with the living so that he could spread his chaos there as well. Thankfully this failed and the Maitlands rescued the daughter of the Deetz leading to a loving peace between the two families. Originally the two families were at conflict over who owns the house but now they live together in oddly heartwarming harmony.

Though SCP-AJF-Beetlejuice still wanders the afterlife, it is believed he is trying to gain ever more power to retaliate against the Maitlands and Deetz. It is because of SCP-AJF-Beetlejuice alone that SCP-AJF as a whole is labeled object Class OVM.

SCP-AJF as a whole was discovered in 1988 when the Deetz tried to present the house as a horror attraction during the Maitlands first attempts at scaring them away in order to live a peaceful afterlife. This led to things escalating between the two families and eventually calling on SCP-AJF-Beetlejuice for help. They quickly learned the hard way that he was only interested in helping himself. According to testimonies from both families he was defeated when Barbara managed to get a sandworm from the SCP-AJF-Saturn to devour him, banishing him to SCP-AJF-Office. 

The escalating chaos released lots of paranormal wavelengths from the house, alerting the Foundation immediately.

Foundation agents only arrived after the disaster happened and peace was made between the Deetz and Maitland families. The Foundation has since scrapped all the Deetz’s plans to turn the area into an attraction but have allowed them to keep the house. In exchange the Foundation is entitled to all information the families learn in regards to the afterlives SCP-AJF is connected to like Office and Saturn and will do weekly scans to see how close SCP-AJF is to our reality. It is with hope the Foundation will one day understand how the afterlife works and maybe one day connect to one. 

.

SCP: Horror Movie Files Hub

[lemonsrosesandlavender]

Do you have any writing advice for a new aspiring writer of smutty tiefling fanfiction? I just want to smash my barbies together and share the results with the world!

First things first, I’m very flattered to be asked for writing advice! Thank you so much ❤️ And smut in particular? Hell yeah.

Before we proceed: all of this advice is given with a heavy dose of what I like to write and read, so if you think “but I like stories that do that!” then that is entirely valid. I can only speak from my own perspective.

Disclaimers out of the way, let’s get started!

1. First things first, and perhaps most vital: write what turns you on, without apology. When I started writing Sharp Teeth, I felt kind of embarrassed about how dominant I (and thus my reader insert) felt towards Rolan. So I hedged. After writing that Tav wanted to pull Rolan’s hair, I wrote that she wanted him to do that to her too; when I wrote her wanting to throw Rolan on a counter and fuck him, I appended that she wanted to be possessed by Rolan too. Looking back on it now, it’s a testament to how much more comfortable I’ve become talking about my kinkiness, but it definitely diluted the vibe of what I was truly wanting to portray, and readers could probably tell it was half-hearted. I wanted Tav in CONTROL damn it.

(Note: before this comes off as “don’t write switching”, that is not at all what I mean. It goes for all flavours. If what you want to write is soft sensuality, don’t get embarrassed, feel like it’s too sickly and shove in a “take it, slut” or whatever. If you want to write your pairing switching like mad, do that and don’t water it down! Basically, listen to your own feelings. Embarrassment will try to creep in and hold your fingers from the keyboard at just the moment you find most exquisitely hot, because sharing that is vulnerable. Notice it, and write the thing anyway - delete that diluting sentence about how she only wants to pull his hair gently, if you want her to pull it hard!)

2. Horny daydreams baby. If it gets you off, write it down. What’s the moment in your fantasies that makes you feral? That is MATERIAL. (This is a beneficial loop: daydreams beget writing beget daydreams. Whether you ever think about anything else again is up to you.) It doesn’t have to be a complete story, just the moment that makes you go… nnnhhh. This is kind of just an addendum to the previous one but truly, this is just how my process works. Prompts are harder to write than the contents of my own fantasies, in my experience.

3. In terms of planning/working on an idea: I tend to have a “climax” point in mind for my smut, then work out how this scenario is kicking off in the first place, and then fill in the gaps. (That’s just the planning though, I write fairly linearly).

Somewhere between the flirting/lead up to sex and the sex itself, there will be a point of no-horny-return, and if you try to take the tension down a notch after that point the story will lose its sizzle. Fortunately, this is usually easily fixed by moving bits around!

(This happened to me in Combat Training C2: it was a fic with a lot of sparring and role play, but I returned to “serious” sparring after turning the tension way up and the scene immediately fell flat on its face. But with a little reworking, I managed to both convey the character beat (that Rolan and Tav had learnt from each other and would be more prepared for their next battle) and dial up the sexual tension smoothly.)

4. Beware of writing overly mechanically. I’m saying this because I have totally done it! Yes, you generally want to avoid the “three hands” situation that gets joked about a lot (where you haven’t accounted for a character’s limbs and suddenly it seems like they’ve got an extra one). But sometimes it’s ok to just mention them flopping onto a bed or chair in a room without accounting for the fact that it’s there first, or simply say that a character has undressed if you don’t want to linger on them stripping. You don’t need to write in specific limb movements if they’re not super sexy (but technically happening), and you don’t need to write a character picking something up before they use it. Context can do a lot of work!

(… if they’re out in the forest, THEN you need to explain where that bed came from).

(Although I will say, trying to picture the scene in more accurate detail than you’re writing can create some juicy inspiration. Wondering if Rolan’s horns would allow him to rest comfortably in that position? What if they rip the sheets or scratch the floor or catch his lover’s cheek?)

5. Related to “write what you want”: Do not feel like you have to write sex correctly. Smut is gloriously untethered from the bounds of real life, and if you love a bit of cervix pounding, stomach-bulging filth, have at it and don’t apologise. You don’t need to care about contraception and safe sex unless you want to: this is not a sex ed class. You do not have to write SSC BDSM: this is not a sex ed class. Tag and go forth.

(Relatedly, these topics are also make or break for character and vibe sometimes. Health-anxious character in cute first-time fluff? Probably going to want to use protection. Two lovers fucking the night before they think they’re going to die in battle? Probably do not care, and it will spoil the reckless, feral vibe if we stop for a PSA about condom use.)

Consent is often implied through context and subtext. It can be made very explicit, if you want, but it’s also fine to simply show how into it your characters are, how they tease each other and nod and offer up suggestions. If it’s an established relationship, this goes double; it’s easy to infer that this is something the characters have done before without explicitly discussing that! (This is also assuming you’re writing consent; the long history of ravishment in published romance speaks to the fact this is not required lol).

6. Back to more mechanical-level writing stuff: linger in a mood, moment and action. A smut fic can encompass several different moods and sex/kink acts, but pay attention to how you transition between them. If you're oscillating between sweet and nasty ever other sentence, you probably want more consistency. It's an oft-repeated writing tip, but the five senses are your friends, and get specific. The gentle give of ridged skin beneath probing fingers; the sweet smell of campfire smoke; the gloss of tears over jet-black eyes and the taste of red wine on someone else's tongue. (… don’t necessarily do ALL the senses at once but you get what I mean!).

7. And finally one more: feelings. Give this filth feelings. How long have they wanted this? How hot do they think their partner looks right now? Are they feeling romantic or sadistic, feral or cuddly? Did they expect to feel this way, and what do they think it says about their relationship? New love and pent-up tension is obviously great and popular, but I also love exploring shame and conflict, illustrating characters taking risks, trusting each other, exploring new things…

Sex sits at a nexus of all sorts of beliefs our characters have about themselves and what they want. How do they react? Does the sex reinforce those beliefs or change them? It is possible to write hot smut without much of this at all but generally, give your readers a reason to care. (YES this spanking is an expression of Rolan’s character arc, goddamn it.)

Those are my best tips, I think, abstract and rambling as they may be. I hope this was helpful; the no1 writing tip of all time is, of course, to JUST DO IT. Good luck!