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nocek · 3 years ago

Note

Don't spare us the long rant! We want to hear your thoughts!

Oh you are going to regret this ;P

So here goes my loooooooong angry rant about Taskmaster and also the Black Widow movie in general.

Let's start with my point of comparison. Captain America the Winter Soldier was a good movie. It's still in my top 3 Marvel movies as I'm sure is for many people. And statistically speaking everybody likes Bucky. He is like the most beloved side character right after Loki. I guess.

Anyway. My point is that Taskmaster and Winter Soldier have bit for bit the exact same building blocks: hypercompetent antagonist that is a serious threat to our hero who just can't win with in one on one combat. But then plot twist: our antagonist was just a victim and puppet without free will in hands of actual villain who is bland bureaucrat.

So why did Winter Soldier worked really really well and Taskmaster was just ehh.. ok?

Well the short answer is that catws was a much tighter movie that had clearer goal (and also that goal/theme was singular: good things get corrupted with time and sometimes you get to start over) compared to black widow which had to jump through too many hoops and still somehow managed it but it wasn't as graceful as it would be if they (as in executives) resigned from one or two hoops and flips and explosions.

And I'm omitting a BIG disadvantage of making a prequel movie about a character that they killed off in shitty way. Though that created one of extra hoops for them to jump through: quickly build up Yelena as a character.

And character build they did. Because srsly Yelena is awesome and I love her. BUT. That came at a price.

Lets compare to catws. The new character there is Sam (and kiiiiiiiinda also Natasha a bit but that's a topic for a different rant) who is nowhere near as well build as Yelena. At the beginning. Because he had time to be fleshed out and naturally grow in few different movies and then we got a deep dive in the Falcon and the Winter Soldier.

But Marvel can't give Yelena few movies because she will appear in Hawkguy an Hawkeye series and also Marvel is generally dividing their assets into: outer spaaaace, down to earth heros and magic stuff (aliens, androids and wizards ;P). But also they can only create so many things in a year.

So yeah. Yelena offtopic can be summarized that I love that we have her as we have her but it came at a cost of air time of the movie.

So comparing the movies again:

Catws had the theme of good things being corrupted with time. And the theme was underlined 3 times through Peggy, Bucky and then Shield/Hydra. Which are interconnected and also make nice scale from inner conflict of the main character to the outer conflict of the movie.

In Black Widow there is the topic of the past evil that never went away and is still taking away free will from people. And again we have it shown through 3 outlets: Yelena, Taskmaster and Black Widows. But there is also whole family subplot attached to Yelena and there is Red Room attached to Black Widows. So as you can see things are getting crowded. Which in turn make the theme a bit blurry.

I mean, sure, the Red Room should be the Shield equivalent. Even it could take smaller space because good Shield turns out to be evil Hydra is generally more time consuming to explain than Red Room bad. But still combining Red Room and Black Widows make things a bit crowded.

(There is a reason why the surprise subplot of there is more Winter Soldiers was in separate movie and was kinda handwaved and cut to minimum. But they couldn't do that here).

But it's time to stop my ranting about whole Black Widow movie and focus on comparing Taskmaster and Winter Soldier.

Because to be honest both are bare bones of character and more of an carte blanche in the movie. Both have barely any screen time yet there are colossal difference which stems out of:

first introduction: as I mentioned they are hypercompetent and unstoppable threat that you can't win with, you can only hope to run away (both done equally well)

programmable killing machine:

For Taskmaster we just get a scene with her watching other heroes fighting at the screen. For the sake of building up the mystery of character we think that "he" is just watching. Maybe learning or more likely just being creepy. The information about the chip and literal programming is given to us much later in the movie which makes this scene lose the power. idk how it will work on rewatch? Maybe better? Hopefully. right now there is too many new movies in cinemas to go for a rewatch and disney+ still isn't available here -.-

For Bucky we have literal torture scene. You just can't be more blunt than that. It also hammered the next point in.

there is human behind the mask:

Winter Soldier is introduced with full face mask which he gradually loses and then we have the big reveal of not only: that's a human but also that's a human our main hero cares about deeply.

With Taskmaster they fucked up it for chap plot twist. We are learning quite late that oh snap that's Antonia (that we don't really care about) and our main hero kinda feels guilty about her.

I think the big difference is what kind of character Steve and Nat are and also the way they reveal this secret. Steve actively recognizes Bucky by himself and is very openly shocked. Nat is passively told and shown that hey, this is Antonia. And there is no time in the movie for Nat (and for us) to be shocked because that's the 3rd act and we need time for explosions and stuff.

Besides, the problem is that all the big plot twist reveals are boring on rewatch (stil big props for Pacific Rim and giving us the monster reveal in like second minute of the movie, I will never not appreciate that).

Also on related shitty note. We the audience. Bucky is handsome and vulnerable and we can drool all over him (and oh man, we the fandom did a fair share of drooling). Antonia is disfigured and not sexualized in any way. Which I'm actually grateful for but there is no pretending that doesn't make a hell lot of difference. But that's a whole different, ugly and big topic I'm not remotely qualified to write about. I'm just angry ranting here.

they don't have free will:

For Winter Soldier we have amnesia + torture tropes which to be honest have been done over and over again and it shouldn't have worked as well as it worked. Bit it did. In context of Black Widow movie it worked because it was just one guy that actively broke through brainwashing with active help of the hero.

In Black Widow there is a lot of characters that are pasively "woken up" out of mind control over and over again by active protagonist. Unfortunately the repetition kinda cheapens it. Especially in comparison to main gut punch right in the feels scene in the other movie. Which is why it's not fair to compare the two.

So lets talk about lack of free will aspect itself. To be honest the mind control aspect in Black Widow was done really great from story perspective. Evil scientists perfected it to the point it being (bit handwavey but) completely impersonal but also completely dehumanizing to the subject. So I'm buying that it can be completely switched off in equally efficient and impersonal way. Even the way they explained it with Alexei the pig was great and terrifying... to a point. Because then kicked the main problem with this movie. Clearly some execs came and saw it and went whoa... that's too dark for pg13 blockbuster. Let's put some cheap jokes here. And it happens over and over again in this movie :S

humanizing flashback scene that ties them to main hero:

For Bucky, sure we had Captain America First Avenger but a movie needs to stand on it's own legs. That's why we have the flashback scene which shows us that Bucky cared about Steve. Leaving it at the narration in Smithsonian of "best friends since childhood" would be just telling us. And we needed to be shown and we needed a space for the "till the end of line" so it could come back and stab us right in the feels.

Also because we are ignoring previous movie Russos cleverly made us care about Winter Soldier because Steve cares about Winter Soldier. And we already know and like Steve so building up our main character gives us more mileage out of new bare bones character (because let's be honest, Winter Soldier is just that). Two birds one stone thing.

In Black Widow there is no such thing which IMHO is the main reason Taskmaster doesn't work. We just get information about cardboard cutout: insert cute little girl here (only told, not even shown actual cardboard) and all of the emotional connection to Natasha is: I know that my boss that I hate has a daughter, she got in the crossfire. Which means nobody cares.

All it would take is adding a short flashback scene. idk Dreykov is an asshole and doesn't care about Antonia but she is she cutest and most adorable little girl. She treats the Black Widows as older sisters. Hell if you want to make it more horrorish copy of the idea of Thor wanting to be a Valkyrie when he grows up or T'challa wanting to be a Dora Milaje. Little Antonia wants to be Black Widow when she grows up because they are badass and they are nice to her (and are also slightly confused by her) because she is nice to them and is only person that treats them as humans. Hell we could have short interaction between her and Nat. Just a smile between them would be enough.

You could get a lot of character buildup mileage out of such a short scene.

But it couldn't happen partially because the movie didn't have time for that but we didn't get that mostly because it would show us instead of telling that Nat killed a cute little innocent girl for her own personal gain. (well she thought she was destroying Red Room but mostly wanted to get away - vide she didn't check on Yelena or other widows. But I wouldn't hold that against her. It was put your oxygen mask first kind of situation. But still it would make her look bad)

Besides, that would take guts to actually show.

And technically they could have afforded to have that guts. That was last movie with Nat anyway. It would actually make this plotline about her feeling guilty about Dreykov's daughter and red in her ledger work. But well... It was last movie so they wanted to leave us with the most goodest and bleeding hartest and heartwarming mary sue version of Nat with just telling us without showing hey, she got dark past.

On the other hand if we had the rumored Endgame plotline of Nat running an orphanage. Damn that would tie to this plotline so well. We could tie the loose widows also. Dam we were robbed here I tell ya >.<

Ok I'm overdoing offtopic about Nat. Sorry

design

So yeah. Design wise Winter Soldier is like great. For Taskmaster, she sure looks cool but also kinda generic? If in 10 years you'd show me her and say it's antagonist from GI Joe or something I'll believe you :S (not touching the debate that in comics something something because unfortunately I don't know Taskmaster from comics. Although I hear that few recent ones were quite good so I'll check them out sooner or later)

snapping out of mind control

I mentioned before. It would be unfair and there is no point comparing main emotional scene of the movie versus means to an end that were repeated several times through a movie.

Natasha freeing Antonia even if she thought that Antonia will kill her because that would fair was great. What I'm annoyed is a cheap fakeout that went with that. It was just after the bombastic finale with explosions and all the cgi shit. Even without looking at the movie runtime it was obvious there will be no extra fight scene.

In catws it worked because the cgi pew pew extravaganza was a background noise and was part of a continuous fight. In BW helicarriers fell already, there was a second of dust settling and then Nat throws away the shield (uses that capsule). Tension just fell from highest place in a movie (quite literally lol), trying to rise it again for such a short moment just doesn't work.

But that's the general problem with Marvel movies. Bombastic CGI fest as grand finale that probably is "outsourced" and then actual director comes back and needs to end movie super quickly.

disappearing act at the end

So in catws there is mystery of what will Bucky do. We are given some hope since he dragged Steve out of river and visited the museum but thats all. I mean there is this annoying Marvel thing of skipping over the interesting ending of last movie and starting with next plot point. We were hoping for the grand roadtrip/hunt for Bucky but nope. We must run ahead with all the plotlines (same way I'm sure that the Spiderman is Peter Parker and he killed a guy thing will be already dealt with in the beginning of the next movie -.-) But that's bonus mini rant.

In BW they needed to wrap up to many plot lines too quickly so Antonia wakes up and that's all. We don't get a suggestion what she may do. The problem of the chip she still has installed is omitted. There is nothing. She just fucks off to lalaland with other Black Widows the end. Because we needed ending for Nat's actual family which was ok but also kinda rushed.

As I mentioned waaaay before (god, this rant is pretty long) too many hoops to jump through.

Which really sucks because if they added that one flashback scene just for Antonia and spared few more minutes for the overall ending it would work so much more better.

And I even know where they could have saved few minutes (besides the explosions thingies). The supply guy. One extra character in a movie with too many characters. In catws the supply problem (with wings) was solved with nbd shrug. If you wanted to show that Nat has her own web of contacts it should be more than one guy. IDK in Budapest there could be 10 second scene with neighbor saying hi nice to see you again we reinforced the walls after last time. In Norway we could see her visiting some special secret supply stash run by some rando before getting to the mobile home.

But oh she was on the run so that would be too many people. Then cut the people entirely. The shitty helicopter can be worked around with joke that I'm not on speaking terms with Stark rn and that's the best we can have on short notice.

Eh.. side rant again. Sorry.

So to wrap it up. I actually really would love to see what will happen with the loose Black Widows and Antonia because here they were really underdeveloped. And while widows were more of a group hero and we have Yelena as a representative so in a way it balances out but Taskmaster needed so little extra care to make her character so much better and I'm a tiiiiiiny bit salty about it.

#text post #long post #very long rant #black widow #black widow spoilers #black widow movie #black widow 2021 #taskmaster #antonia dreykov #i kinda doubt we will see her again #but one can hope #if anyone actually read through all of this congratz!#and thank you #let me hug you #(and I'm sorry it's so long)

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shihalyfie · 4 years ago

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Daisuke’s background with his family

We don’t really know a lot about the Motomiya family compared to many of the others in the Adventure and 02 narrative, only getting a few glimpses here and there, and ultimately Daisuke (by his own self-admission) turns out to not really have any deep opinions or hangups about them, but it’s still interesting to see how it has an influence on his background!

We learn in 02 episode 14 that Daisuke and his family actually lived in Odaiba back in 1999, with Daisuke as a (probably honorary) member of the soccer club under Taichi, Sora, and Koushirou. It’s hinted here in Daisuke’s face, but the Adventure novels and Spring 2003 confirm that he was extremely frustrated at his inability to protect his family (with Jun “gently comforting” him), to the point where “becoming strong enough to protect everyone” became his motivation thereafter.

So, really, when it all comes down to it and serious things are happening, this is a family that does have a lot of love for each other -- Daisuke outright admits in the Character Complete File that it gets lonely when even one person’s out.

As it turns out, even the Motomiya parents have really dramatic personalities (the Animation Chronicle calls extra attention to Jun’s personality having been something she got from her mother), to the point where they suddenly get over-the-top excited when Ken comes over in 02 episode 35, and Daisuke’s irritated reaction makes it clear that this is expected behavior from them. (I promise you that Daisuke’s dad’s statement doesn’t come off as nearly as harsh or cruel in Japanese as it probably does in English here; it’s not any worse than him calling Daisuke a little silly.) In the end, Daisuke’s tendency to be over-the-top with all of his emotions and get ridiculously dramatic about everything is just something that came straight from his family.

Actually, when you think about it, Jun isn’t really that different from Daisuke either, right down to losing a ton of brain cells when things start involving a crush -- she’s only slightly more in-your-face about it (and only via goading Yamato on a “date” in 02 episode 7, but this is “date”, singular, basically just convincing him to spend a day with her and take her somewhere, not actually being in the illusion that he returns her feelings or expecting a long-term relationship). She’s simple-minded, airheaded, fantasizes about the idea of Yamato returning her feelings without ever actually doing anything conclusive about it, and then, the moment she realizes that Yamato’s taken, mopes about it for one in-universe day before immediately switching her affections to Shuu like nothing had happened. So, really: it runs in the family.

(This also means that Daisuke’s probably not in for that much trouble if a day ever comes in which it turns out he’s conclusively rejected by Hikari for real -- his current relationship with her is based off him never making any firm statement and thus her being able to smoothly dodge everything, but if things ever truly get conclusively to the point where things won’t pan out for him, it’s not hard to believe he’d actually get over it quickly after an initial bout of disappointment.)

In 02 episode 4, Daisuke makes an accusation of Jun for constantly talking badly about him, and, if the Animation Chronicle is to be believed, he’s not actually wrong -- apparently “spreading bad rumors about him wherever she goes” is a habit she has. Given what we learn about her and the siblings’ relationship later in the series, though, it’s unlikely she’s doing this out of conscious malice -- by “rumors”, basically just trash talking her little brother the same way a lot of people reading this post probably love trash talking their siblings when they’re out of earshot, much like her calling Daisuke “not cute at all” earlier in this same episode. It’s a world that Takeru and Yamato (who had only seen Jun at her “best” earlier in the episode) are completely unfamiliar with, and Daisuke’s attitude of “hating” her causes Yamato and Hikari to get upset at him, but many a Digimon fan commenting on this episode has pointed out that a lot of sibling relationships are more like this than the ones between the Ishida-Takaishi and Yagami siblings -- a lot more ostensibly “vitriolic” and not as unequivocally admiring.

On top of the fact that Daisuke and Jun aren’t in need of overcompensating with their relationship due to a rift like Yamato and Takeru, or one party having unhealthy repression problems and requiring extra care, Daisuke and Jun are also a whole six years apart, which is even given extra attention in the Animation Chronicle. Which means they’re not very close in perspective; Jun’s all the way in high school, dealing with a baby brother who’s still in elementary, and so it’s rather understandable that they’re not really going to see eye-to-eye very much.

We get an example of a “fight” between them in 02 episode 35, but...

Jun: I really envy you, Daisuke...All you do is eat, sleep, play and you don't think about anything else, do you? Daisuke: I think about lots of stuff! Jun: Lots of stuff like what? Daisuke: Like...Lots of complicated stuff. But if I think too much, my brain freezes so I need to take a break sometimes. Jun: I'm sure it's nothing serious. Daisuke: Shut up! What about you?

It’s not really a serious fight at all -- just a lot of banter, the sort that a lot of real-life siblings would attest to also having been in a lot of. Perhaps, just the natural result of having a household where everyone seems to have the same slightly rough-around-the-edges, somewhat messy, overly dramatic, simple-minded and straightforward personality -- which also means they end up bouncing off each other and getting a little “crowded” (Daisuke very clearly not following Jun’s warnings to not use her soap bottles written all over them in red pen in 02 episode 15). But for all Daisuke had used the strong word of “hate” to refer to their relationship back in 02 episode 4, it really just seems like he’d been his usual dramatic self about it, and it’s all banter and occasionally being quick to criticize. Moreover, whenever Jun criticizes him, he’s actually less angry about snapping back at her or getting genuinely offended or sad the way he might with anyone else -- all he does is just fling a few quips back and move on, and doesn’t take it all that personally, so you could say he’s conversely rather comfortable with this status quo of getting to bicker with her.

But, really, banter is just banter; even something as little as “Daisuke (seemingly) laughing to himself in the bathroom” is enough to make Jun worry that something’s wrong with him in 02 episode 15, and Daisuke’s father also personally thanks Natsuko for helping Daisuke out and waxes cheerfully about his son and friends having a fun Christmas party together. In fact, considering the context that Daisuke seemed to be pretty friendless prior to the series, the above scene carries the added implication that he’s probably pretty happy to see his son finally making some proper friends and going all the way to Tamachi to be part of a party.

And, eventually, as things get much more serious and the exact truth behind what Daisuke’s been up to is revealed to his family in 02 episode 50, they take this with the exact amount of grace and worry that a proper supportive family does.

Hence, why Daisuke can make a statement like this in 02 episode 49. Even if his family isn’t ostensibly full of hearts and affection, they’re supportive when it really comes down to it, and it’s not like Daisuke himself even really takes the surface bantering between himself and his sister all that seriously, so he doesn’t feel the need to ask for anything different -- and what he really wanted since that day three years ago was to be able to protect his family, and that’s exactly what he’s going to do now. Other than Hikari, the others had gotten “illusions” related to deep-seated issues involving their personal lives, but it’s not like he really would want it to be any different at home -- arguably it’d be outright weird to him if Jun suddenly got lovey-dovey with him or something -- and now he’s surrounded by supportive friends and his own partner. Sure, he has some tendencies towards being a bit on-edge and insecure every so often, but right now, in the midst of this very serious situation when something has to be done, and after a whole series’ worth of bonding with his new friends and gaining a sense of purpose, that’s more than enough for him.

#digimon #digimon adventure 02 #motomiya daisuke #motomiya jun #daisuke motomiya #jun motomiya #shihameta

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undyingskies · 4 years ago

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Masterlist

Hi everyone! Here is my masterlist, I will do my best to always have it up to date with all of the fics I have written!

*REQUESTS CURRENTLY CLOSED*

Owen Joyner:

• Heartbreak Girl : Owen comforts his best friend from her recent break up from her long term boyfriend. In the end Owen ends up confessing his feelings for her.

• Snow Day Firsts : It’s Y/N first time seeing the snow, so they go outside to play in it.

• PDA : Owen isn’t huge on PDA and Y/N is having a hard time with it. Owen over hears Y/N talking to Savannah about her feelings, and goes to fix it.

• Stomach Ache : Y/N is not feeling well and Owen takes care of them.

• Germany : Owen is taking his girlfriend to meet his family in Germany for the first time.

• First Time (18+) : MATURE CONTENT : Owen takes his girlfriends virginity.

• Pregnancy Scare : Y/N isn’t feeling well and Owen jokes about her being pregnant, which causes them both to panic and take a test.

• Just Fine : Y/N has a kissing scene in her show and some pictures of it were leaked with no context. This causes tention with Owen.

• Teach Me : Owen tries to teach his SO how to play the drums.

• Days Like This : Y/N is struggling with depression and blocks Owen out, which causes some friction between the two of them.

• Remember The Mornings : Owen starts to pull away from his relationship which causes Y/N to break up with him.

•Part Two : Owen and Y/N try to fix what is broken.

• Surprise : Y/N surprises Owen in Oklahoma with the help of his mom after not seeing each other for a few months.

• Drown : At a party for all of their friends Y/N and Owen’s true feelings come to surface.

• With You : Y/N and Owen are best friends and Owen is back home visiting for some time. This time around he can’t seem to keep his obvious feelings a secret from his oblivious best friend.

• How About No : After a surprise scene for Y/N, Owen gets uncomfortable by the fact that his girlfriend has to kiss his best friend in front of him.

• Younger Sister : Jeremy doesn’t like the fact that his younger sister and Owen seem to have crushes on one another, but he doesn’t know what’s going on behind his back.

Charlie Gillespie:

• Scared Off : Y/N is a choreographer for Julia and The Phantoms. She ends up falling for Charlie and they confess their feelings for each other unexpectedly.

• Jealous : Charlie’s girlfriend visits him on set after a long time and an extra hits on her when Charlie is filing a scene.

• Adrenaline : Charlie and Y/N can’t seem to get enough of each other because of the adrenaline it causes.

• Handsome : Y/N calls Charlie handsome for the first time and he can’t seem to hide his excitement.

• Best Friend’s Brother : Y/N is best friends with Charlie’s older brother. Y/N ends up being a writer for JATP, which Charlie is staring in, so his older brother offers up the idea of the two of them living together. Where they may or may not end up falling for one another.

• Hanukkah : After Y/N reads a comment about Hanukkah and Charlie, the holiday spirit vanishes. Charlie does his best to let Y/N know he loves celebrating the holiday.

• Let’s Have a Baby : Charlie and Y/N have a pregnancy scare but Charlie get’s excited about the thought of having a baby. When Y/N gets her period Charlie feels disappointed and proposed an idea.

• Beach Daze : Charlie and Y/N end up having the same day off and their friends seem to have the same idea of going to the beach.

• Clingy : Y/N overhears Charlie calling her clingy because of a few days in a bad mood. Y/N ends up ignoring Charlie the next day letting him know how much he really does need her.

Jeremy Shada:

*Out of respect for Jeremy and Carolynn I will not write romantic fics, but if you want a friendship fic or a fic that involves Jeremy as a friend I will gladly do so.

Madison Reyes:

*Madison is a minor so I will not write romantic fics about her in any capacity. With that being said, similarly to Jeremy, I am happy to write friendship fics for her as I think they could be fun and harmless.

Booboo Stewart:

• Always There For You : Booboo’s girlfriend starts to have a panic attack at the cast party. He does his best to be there for her and support her.

Alex Mercer:

*I will not write any fics changing Alex’s sexuality.

• Adventure Days : Alex and Willie have one of their adventure days planned out but Alex can't help but feel boring and his anxiety starts to get bad.

• Nightmare : Willie is finally able to escape from Caleb for the night, but his night with Alex is interrupted by a nightmare.

Luke Patterson:

• Taken Care Of : Julie goes looking for Luke after not hearing from him all day long, only to find him sick in bed.

Reggie Peters:

Julie Molina:

• Taken Care Of : Julie goes looking for Luke after not hearing from him all day long, only to find him sick in bed.

Willy:

• Adventure Days Alex and Willie have one of their adventure days planned out but Alex can't help but feel boring and his anxiety starts to get bad.

• Nightmare : Willie is finally able to escape from Caleb for the night, but his night with Alex is interrupted by a nightmare.

*I will do requests for other cast members or characters of JATP but I just have not gotten any yet so that is why I have not added to them to the list.

#charlie gillespie #charlie gillespie imagine #owen patrick joyner #owen joyner #owen joyner imagine #booboostewartimagine #booboo stewart #jatp #julie and the phantoms #julieandthephantomsimagine

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blackjack-15 · 4 years ago

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No, the Creature’s name is Fraulein’s Monster — Thoughts on: The Captive Curse (CAP)

Previous Metas: SCK/SCK2, STFD, MHM, TRT, FIN, SSH, DOG, CAR, DDI, SHA, CUR, CLK, TRN, DAN, CRE, ICE, CRY, VEN, HAU, RAN, WAC, TOT, SAW

Hello and welcome to a Nancy Drew meta series! 30 metas, 30 Nancy Drew Games that I’m comfortable with doing meta about. Hot takes, cold takes, and just Takes will abound, but one thing’s for sure: they’ll all be longer than I mean them to be.

Each meta will have different distinct sections: an Introduction, an exploration of the Title, an explanation of the Mystery, a run-through of the Suspects. Then, I’ll tackle some of my favorite and least favorite things about the game, and finish it off with ideas on how to improve it.

If any game requires an extra section or two, they’ll be listed in the paragraphs above, along with my list of previous metas.

These metas are not spoiler free, though I’ll list any games/media that they might spoil here: CAP, mentions of SAW, mentions of ASH.

The Intro:

The obvious Frankenstein reference in the title of this meta is the only one I make in the whole meta, I swear. It was a mistake to make the monster look like Frankenstein’s Monster, but I’m not gonna drag you guys or the meta down with that.

We’re professionals here.

This is a game with rather big shoes to fill, to be honest — it’s our first game in Germany, comes right after a very well-received “haunting” game and has shades of being a “haunting” game itself, its (small bit of) marketing played off Grimm’s Tales, and Savannah’s comment about staying in a castle where she discovered that the real monster was human cruelty is directly pointing towards it. CAP and its story could have crumpled under the weight of high expectations like MED, MID, and (in a slightly more controversial opinion) SEA did, but instead it did the opposite: in nearly every way, it improved on the Faerietale Formula that SAW inspired, and added to it.

Rather than a spooky haunted faerietale with a Hidden Villain, we have instead a monster — out in the open, even — as our main villain. The difference between ghosts and monsters isn’t really important in, say, a “Scary Stories to Tell In The Dark” or “Goosebumps” book, but it’s fairly important in a mystery, and even more in a Nancy Drew mystery.

As I’ve said a few dozen times in this series — and if you’re not tired of it yet, you will be soon — ghosts are a Reality in the Nancy Drew universe; they exist, they cause trouble, and they sometimes even help the living (or at least coexist with the living).

Monsters, on the other hand, never really exist — not banshees, not werewolves, not malicious wolves with opposable thumbs and the ability to cook poisoned foods, and certainly not monsters that in no way resemble the main villain from a Universal classic horror flick. Monster in the Nancy Drew universe is a Title, not a type of creature. Whenever there’s a monster on the loose, it’s a sure sign that there’s a bitter individual somewhere looking to hurt someone — usually for a personal grudge.

Which, as it happens, is exactly what happened here.

We’re still firmly in a Faerietale game — the ‘Nancy’ games start with ASH — but I do think it’s important to note here that the girls in this game (the victims of the monster, Renate, Anja) are all shadows of Nancy. The previous victims, sharing the designation of the Girl in the Dress with Nancy, are shadows of what could happen to Nancy if she doesn’t change the fate that’s been designated for her — down to the red hair of the original Girl.

Renate is a type of detective, trying to solve the mystery of the tragedies that strike the castle through the actions of the past. And Anja — well, let’s just say that Anja and Nancy have a lot more between then than the first glance might show.

The two women are foiled, especially with their love lives. Nancy’s dating a good man — despite the obvious, glaring problems in the relationship — and so their argument (and her own selfish behavior) isn’t the end of the world, nor the end of the relationship. They stop, they assess, and — with a little help from Anja — Nancy’s determined to try a little harder, leading us straight into ASH. The big thesis statement of the game is delivered, like last game, by our villain — “There’s nothing like love to bring order to a scattered world”. Anja gives Nancy good advice: communicate, and work for what you want.

Anja, however, was not dating a good man; she encouraged him, much like Ned does with Nancy, to be better, to try harder, to really reach for what he could be — only to be cast aside as soon as all the hard work that she had put in to supporting him led to good results. Her world was not scattered before — but after Markus, there was nothing that could put it back together again.

There’s nothing like love, indeed, but when it’s the wrong kind of person…well, the message that Anja took out of it was that somebody, somewhere, should care about her. And if they weren’t going to…well, a tragedy necessitates the force of Fate, and we know what Renate says about fate:

“Fate has a habit of digging in its claws when tempted.”

The last thing I want to touch on in this introduction — which I realize is a bit heavy on themes, but so is the game — is the importance of Titles within this game. The Bürgermeister, The Castellan, The Monster, The Girl in the Dress — this game operates a lot on character tropes, like any self-respecting faerietale, and the titles go a long way to showing who each character is. Karl feels dwarfed and inadequate next to his title; Anja wanted hers so badly that she was willing to lie; the title of Monster strikes fear into the heart of the vast majority of our cast.

And the Girl? The Girl in the Dress is a symbol of helpless fate, a sacrifice to propel the narrative forward. Remember what Renate tells Nancy? “The monster, he is here for you.”

Tellingly, it’s Nancy’s changing of what exactly it means to be The Girl in the Dress that allows our faerietale to meet with a happy ending, rather than a tragedy (the ending normally brought about by Fate, in Renate’s words). In keeping the title but changing the scope of the title, Nancy figuratively beats the Monster, and saves the memory all the Girls that came before.

The Title:

The Captive Curse is, as far as titles go, a masterclass. Nearly all the titles of the 20+ numbers are fabulous, but CAP’s title is a shining star even among them. Let’s talk about the important word in the title — “Captive”.

There are a lot of things that are “captive” in this game. We have the captives of the monster, to start off with, but there’s a lot more where that came from. The residents of the Castle and the castle’s town are also captive — they’re held captive by fear, as evidenced by the doors that refuse to open even when Nancy begs them to.

Shrugging off the idea of keeping this meta even a little bit spoiler-free, I’d also add that Markus is a sort of captive of Anja — there under false pretenses, drawing a web around him to finish him off — and equally that Anja is a captive of Markus’ — the shadow of her dick ex-boyfriend hanging over her dream job, watching him profit off of being a truly terrible person.

Renate and Nancy get in on the action, too. Renate is a captive of guilt, returning to the castle to try to prevent further deaths, haunted by her sister’s early death. She’s also a storyteller — a profession famed for having a “captive audience”. Lastly, Nancy is forced into the costume rather than her own clothes — a captive of the tale that’s being spun by our major players.

The Faerietale

In SAW’s faerietale, Nancy was the visiting prince, the Knight in Shining Armor to look after and save the kingdom. In CAP’s faerietale, however, her role gets changed around — not the least of which because we discover what an actual Knight in Shining Armor really is, courtesy of Renate:

“A knight in shining armor never did nothing for nobody. He never fought. A knight in dented, scraped armor - now that’s what you want.”

This isn’t the cynical take that some might spin it into — the Nancy Drew universe is not and has never been a Nolan-style grimdark-fest, skeptical of any good deed or honest inclination — but instead a declaration that it’s what people do that makes them heroes, that makes them good, that makes them who they are, not what they are (or what they seem to be).

I don’t think it’s a coincidence that, in a game exploring what good a Knight in Shining Armor might be, that the series’ resident Knight appears within the context of his fight with Nancy.

Ned in the video games series is the closest to a Knight that we really get; he doesn’t make mistakes, he’s always patient and kind and understanding, and helps out the best he can without being actually on the scene. In other words, his armor has no dents, nor scrapes, not so much by his choice (excepting possibly CRY), but by Nancy’s. By constantly leaving him behind, she’s cast in him his role as Knight in Shining Armor — but, as Renate points out, that’s not necessarily a good thing. Ned has the potential to be and do more — as ASH will show us.

And yes, there’s someone in the series that fits the knight in dented, scraped armor, but this is not the time for a Francy meta. If ever there is a time for Francy meta.

The biggest thing that changes from SAW to CAP is that Nancy’s learned from last time, and starts trying to figure out the faerietale she’s in the minute it starts in earnest. When she hears Renate’s tale, she’s sure she’s figured it out — guessing it was about Renate’s sister — but we’re shown that her perception is a little off (as the girl was Renate, not her sister). This shifting up of the roles is crucial thematically to our ending, where Nancy gleefully assumes the role of the Girl in the Dress as the hero of the piece, rather than the victim that the Girl had always been.

What Nancy happens upon here I’ll cheerfully call the Power of the Storyteller. All faerietales shift and change depending on who’s telling the story — look at the thousands of versions of Cinderella had all over the world, all too old to just be a knockoff of their geographical neighbor’s story or (yes, I’ve heard this) based off the Disney property.

With Anja telling the story for the majority of the game, it’s a tale about how sometimes the “monster” (and her version of a monster, specifically) wins — and how sometimes they deserve to win, to perpetuate the faerietale as it always has been; as Renate reminds us, “when death goes to take a ride, he follows the road that serves him best.” In Anja’s mind, there must always be a Monster, and there must always be a Girl in the Dress. With Nancy taking over the story, however, it’s about how the victim doesn’t have to be the victim, and that they have the power to assume their own destiny.

In other words, they’re playing out the central conflict that Renate outlines in her first discussion with Nancy: “If our time together is a comedy, then I was brought here by coincidence. If our time is a tragedy, then it must be fate.”

Coincidence and fate are also, coincidentally (heh) the driving forces in a faerietale — except that fate is also a driving force for romance. And because romance is our Chief Concern in CAP’s story, a lot of the story is about fighting against fate. In the end, it’s a coincidence that Nancy arrives, but Anja tries to spin it into fate by making her the Girl in the Dress. It’s only when Nancy takes charge, not letting fate have its say, that she arrives at the ending and is able to best Anja.

One of the great questions that this faerietale presents is about the Monster is whether or not it ever existed. In a Faerietale, the Monster nearly always exists in some form or another, needing to be drawn out and killed by our hero(es) before the day can be saved.

Indeed, in Anja’s modern-day retelling of the faerietale, the monster doesn’t exist — at least, not in its Monstrous form. In her story, Markus is the monster, and she must put on the guise of a monster in order to defeat him — in other words, if a monster is going to win, it’s going to be her.

To quote Ned’s astute observation, “[Castle Finster] has too many monsters.”

But it’s Savannah’s words that we should look to, as she’s a Storyteller just as much as Renate is. Savannah, heavily implied to be speaking of Castle Finster, says that the monster she found wasn’t a ghost — it was human cruelty that made the castle and its history so terrifying.

So we’re faced with the question: did the monster ever exist, or was it solely bad people, stealing cattle and sheep and young girls away for their own wicked purposes? Was there truly an amorphous being roaming the countryside, or was it just a clever way to shift blame from those who would do evil unto others? Remember what Renate tells us about monsters:

“The worst monsters are self-made. They are people like you and me, but they have taken a terrible turn. They let everything awful, everything sad, take up all the breathing room in their hearts, until all they know is revenge.”

The answer I would give is that, for this faerietale, it doesn’t matter if the Monster is real or not. The concern is not the nature of the monster, it’s the people’s reaction to the idea of a monster, real or imagined, that sets off our faerietale and provides the stakes. The fear is real and palpable, and the ends of our villain, while understandable and perhaps even praiseworthy, require some downright dastardly means.

The Mystery:

We open first on a look back at a young girl in an Era Past being captured by an unseen monster in the woods near a castle…only to have Nancy drive up on the Castle Finster itself in the modern day. Nancy’s been called in by the owner of the castle, Markus, who wants any troubles with the legendary monster cleaned up before he and his Rich Investor Friends arrive.

Rather than a welcoming piece of history, Nancy is greeted with a scared, unwelcoming town, the fear of the monster looming large and cutting deep — and that’s before the Curse itself turns its eyes on Nancy, forcing her to play along as the Girl in the Red Dress, the favored victim of the monster. Those in the castle are kinder than those outside of it, but there’s still the sneaking suspicion that someone is up to no good, using the guise of the monster to wreak a little havoc of their own invention — and time is running out before the monster claims yet another victim…

As far as the mystery goes…I don’t like to use words like “spectacular” because let’s face it, every game has its holes, but honestly CAP’s mystery is pretty spectacular. Attention-catching, a bit sad, a bit horrific, and loaded with faerietale tropes, subversions, and themes — there’s honestly just not much wrong here, especially given the limitations of, well, making a Nancy Drew game in the first place. The writing does a masterful job at hinting at horrors that, given the rating, they can’t say out loud, while still telling a fully cohesive story that even the young players will be able to grab at and understand (if not to quite the same extent)

The Suspects:

The game begins with Lukas Mittelmeier, so perhaps we should too. Lukas is the rather precocious son of the head of security of Castle Finster, as well as being Anja’s nephew. Bright, mischievous, and a huge fan of games and pranks, Lukas makes the castle a little more interesting — as well as making Karl’s life a bit more hellish.

Unlike another youth living in a castle (coughJanecough), Lukas is bright enough to be a competent culprit…he just isn’t malicious enough. Sure, he’ll play dress-up, spook Karl a bit, and stall Nancy outside the gates of the castle, but that’s really as far as he goes. He would have been an especially poor culprit, thematically speaking, and so it’s a good thing that the game never really attempts to lead you there. Even his dressing up as the monster is more meant to lull the player (and Nancy) into letting down their guard so that the real monster is a bit scarier.

Next up is the Bürgermeister and bad-luck-magnet himself, Karl Weschler. Having encountered his doppelganger as a small child, Karl has expected — and received — bad luck for the rest of his life, and lives in fear of being the cause of unhappiness to those around him. He’s also a board game enthusiast, having developed the (incredibly fun, it should be noted) board game Raid! and enlists Nancy to help him polish it while she solves the “huge monster problem” that Markus hired her for.

As a culprit, Karl would have been interesting, but thematically a little off. It would have had to be a situation where enough bad things happened around him at the castle to make him want to shift the blame, dressing up as the monster in order to throw the punishment off of himself and onto a nebulous force. An interesting plot to be sure, but not one that fits the more sinister nature of the game.

Our charming castellan and cunning culprit, Anja Mittelmeier is next on the docket. Incredibly good at her job, polished, polite, and fiendishly dedicated, Anja keeps the castle in good running order, gives Nancy advice, and is a doting aunt — all while secretly sabotaging Markus by acting as the monster.

I have a lot to say about how good a character Anja is — which I’ll cover more in the next section — but she’s also the perfect villain. All the information you need to figure out who she is happens to be presented to Nancy pretty quickly, but none of it is in the proper context to make it obvious. Even her line — “there’s nothing like love to bring order to a scattered world” — is sweet and romantic at the time, and rather chilling and menacing when you have the whole context of exactly what Anja is doing to ‘bring order to a scattered world’.

It seems only fitting that after Anja should come Markus Boehm, the owner of the castle and the ex-boyfriend that Anja is working for revenge against. Markus is snappish, short-tempered, obnoxious about his money, and rather boorish — though he has some of the funniest lines in any Nancy Drew game — and is guilty of a lot, though not of haunting his own castle.

Casting Markus as the villain would have made this game an entirely different faerietale, one that would have necessitated Anja becoming The Girl in the Dress rather than Nancy. It might have been a more stereotypical Nancy Drew story, but it also would have been weaker – after all, a lot of the horror in this faerietale comes from the curse having its eyes firmly on Nancy, rather than on her watching it unfold.

Finally, our most divisive character is probably Renate Stoller, a cake-loving storyteller bound to Castle Finster by a mixture of fate and history. Personally speaking, I’m a total fan of Renate; she has a lot of freedom to liken the situation to stories and to spell out the fact that all stories are ambiguous without being morally relativist or faux-deep.

As a villain, Renate would have been interesting — set to haunt the castle that has haunted her for so long and caused her pain — but it would have removed the Storyteller archetype from the game, causing the player (and Nancy) to doubt everything she’s said, which would have been a shame.

The Favorite:

There’s a lot to love in CAP, both big and small, so I’ll try to tackle this section with some sort of organization, rather than just gushing from point to random point.

My favorite moment in the game is (in a stunning change from 90% of Nancy Drew Games) tied between the beginning and the final confrontation. The old-time film style beginning (a great example of a “cold open” of a type of horror totally distinct from SAW’s brand of horror) through Nancy’s first discussion with Karl is tightly paced and incredibly well done, introducing our main problems, a few characters, and how Nancy is stepping into this faerietale that’s been all but prepared for her. Special shout out to Karl’s “huge monster problem” dialogue, and Lukas’ getting caught at the castle’s gates — just some really great, distinct character writing that we normally don’t get this soon into a game.

The confrontation, which is normally somewhat cheesy, sometimes awful, and nearly always ill-supported (HAU being the best/worst example of this) in a Nancy Drew game, here instead shows off Nancy’s quick thinking and almost triumphant, smug nature when she figures it all out and traps the villain. The games coming up, as I’ve mentioned above, I refer to as “the Nancy games”, as they give us a lot of insight into who Nancy Drew actually is, aside from an amateur/burgeoning professional detective, but SAW and (to a larger extent) CAP really start giving us peeks at Nancy’s character — not as an infallible main character, but as a girl with an actual personality.

My favorite puzzle in the game — and I realize that it barely counts — is quite honestly Raid. Normally, the games that HER comes up with as minigames within their games are lackluster at best and criminally annoying at worst, but Raid (along with the games in ASH which are particularly enjoyable) is fabulous; it gives us more of that faerietale vibe that the game runs on, brings in Germany’s well-deserved reputation of being the King of Board Games, and actually contains a few moments of good characterization for Karl as well.

And I’m a sucker for getting to create your own card for the game. That’s just stupid cool.

One of the things that CAP does particularly well is its characters, so let’s talk a bit about them here.

Renate, a common favorite, mostly lives up to her hype, due to her storyteller’s dialogue, status as a Sage (slightly different from the usual Sage in a Nancy Drew game, due to her backstory), and intense relatability with falling asleep after eating cake.

Lukas is one of the few child characters in the ND games that actually feels like a child, so he gets points there automatically, even without noting how charming he is. Having Nancy talk to him under the table is also gold, even with the sense that she’s just humoring him, and having him dress up as a monster in a fake out that fools nobody (and even better, is not meant from a writing standpoint to fool anyone) feels perfectly in character for a relatively unsupervised rapscallion like Lukas.

Last on the favorite character list is Anja, a character done To Perfection. It breaks my heart sometimes that she’s the villain, but her character also wouldn’t be complete without being the villain — nor would I love her so much. Anja is patient, loving, a great aunt, friendly, gregarious — and a villain. Her line when she’s talking to Nancy about how she was honest and worked hard every day, and no one cared hits me every time. Anja’s a perfect example of a character who is intensely sympathetic and quite relatable without ever having the thought that her scheme involving Nancy was even a little bit okay. She’s a villain that I’d love to have come back, whether as a villain again or as a begrudging helper.

Finally, let’s get down to the miscellany.

The dialogue in CAP is pitch-perfect, from the distinct way of talking that each suspect has, to Markus’ insults, to the one-off phone call with the pamphlet company. The game in part is so fun because the dialogue is so fun, walking the line between faerietale-style narration (Anja, Renate) and almost Buffy-speak modernity (Karl, Lukas, Markus).

The last thing I want to touch on it — yes, you knew it was coming — the fight between Ned and Nancy. Yes, I’m a Francy shipper, and I do love that Frank is the one Nancy turns to for help with the fight, but that’s not what this part is about.

First off, I love that problems that would /necessarily/ come up in a relationship like Ned and Nancy’s are brought up here; Nancy’s constant jet-setting, while a common side effect of the job she does, is also something that would cause tension — especially considering that Nancy doesn’t really tell him when she sets off for another state/country at a moment’s notice.

A thing that has become Increasingly obvious over the entire series is that Nancy is, let’s face it, not gonna win any awards for Girlfriend of the Year, and in fact might win the opposite award. Ned is constantly giving her attention, validation, helping out when she calls him, and is understanding when she cancels; for her to not give the same amount of care to him (in different ways, as everyone needs different things, of course) becomes more and more glaring as time goes on.

My firm stance on being a bit anti-Nedcy comes from the belief that Ned deserves to get as much out of a relationship as he puts in, and Nancy, as the person she is and even as the best person that she can be, just can’t provide that. Their needs as people are just too different for a relationship to be fair for either person – and, as this game demonstrates, though Ned has the shorter end of the stick, it’s not fair for either one of them.

The Un-Favorite:

There’s not a lot that goes into this section, to be perfectly honest.

The forest is probably my least favorite section of the game — the part that I consider before starting a new game over — but besides tweaking it slightly to help navigation not be quite so frustrating (see below), even the forest is a pretty good puzzle.

The bag puzzle — especially if you, like me, forget every time that you can rotate the objects in Renate’s purse — is the only other annoyance in the game, and ranks as my least favorite puzzle over the forest simply for the fact that you can use a walkthrough to navigate the forest, while you can’t use a walkthrough to do the bag puzzle for you.

Other than that, CAP is just a wholly solid game — no least favorite dialogue, no awkward moment, no point where I turn down my brightness to make it seem like This Isn’t Happening.

The Fix:

So how would I fix The Captive Curse?

Honestly, the first and only change I would make is to fix the forest just slightly. I get that it’s a puzzle, but it’s not quite visually distinct enough to make it feasible for a lot of players to learn how to navigate. To fix this, I wouldn’t take out the forest, I would just make each piece of it a little more visually distinct, with more markers so that players couldn’t lose their place as easily.

There’s nothing other than that worth fixing. Even my dislike of the bag puzzle isn’t strong enough to suggest scrapping it, and it’s a type of puzzle that many people like and are quite good at — not to mention the fact that it’s not at all gamebreaking in its difficulty.

The Captive Curse is often sort of a “top middle” or just “middle” ranking for a lot of players due to the fact that it’s not quite as showy as a lot of “favorite” games, and thus can get lost in the fandom shuffle. But looking at it as both pieces and as a whole proves that this game is one of the most solid in the series sporting a great mystery, fantastic characters, and more than a little faerietale wisdom to carry to the next story.

#nancy drew #nancy drew games #clue crew #CAP #the captive curse #nancy drew meta #my meta #video games #long post

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yaz-the-spaz · 4 years ago

Note

So I’m new to the Ziam fandom, I’m a strong larrie but I also couldn’t help to notice that there was something between Z*yn and L*am too. Could you tell me about the tiger tattoo? I keep hearing that its an iconic Ziam tattoo and I’m a little confused. Also, do you think Ziam is still together right now in 2020 and could you explain why? I hope this isn’t a bother.

hey nonnie, welcome to this side of the fandom! and please don’t worry, you are not a bother at all, and we are always happy to have new members! please accept this adorable gif of ziam waving hello as your welcoming gift into the ziam fandom lol! 😊🌈

now onto your question about the tiger tattoo...

hooo boy, nonnie

idk if you know what you’re asking because this is a BIG life-altering question.

BIG.

...are you ready for this?

are you ready to die? are you ready to have your soul ascend from your body up to the gay ziam heavens for all eternity?

i mean it’s pretty nice up here and all but you may just wanna get your affairs in order before you continue, cause once you discover all the ways zayn javadd malik has professed his undying and eternal love for liam james payne all over his goddamn body there is no coming back.

are you absolutely sure you’re ready?

ok, here we go!

so. once upon a time way back in october 2013 zayn debuted a new tattoo of a tiger on his arm. at the time it seemed like just another tattoo in a quickly growing long list of (random) tattoos, and went by relatively untalked about among fandom (at least afaik) for a couple of years. but THEN, in early 2016 zayn followed that tattoo up with the addition of the full title of his m.o.m. album spelled out around the tiger...

seems normal, right?

first off, notice how the tiger’s tail is shaped suspiciously like an L?

well, that’s not all that’s gay i mean odd or interesting about this tattoo lol...some have also noticed that the muscles of the tiger’s back quite remarkably appear to resemble the muscles of a certain boy whose name also starts with L

(and no i’m not talking about louis lol)

but here’s where shit really gets real because guess what? you may have noticed that the letters of the ‘mine’ part are kind of shuffled in an odd/not really consecutive order to spell out the word mine in a way that’s clearly or easily readable...that’s because zayn’s extra ass arranged it specifically so that only the i, e, and m, are all directly around the L-shaped tiger tail, while the n is just off to the side like a lonely forgotten reject

by now you might be saying to yourself okay, well that’s not really all that significant to liam, and the L could just be a coincidence/not really mean anything, couldn’t it?

wrong again!

because once more, zayn ‘i live to be as extra as humanly possible about my love for liam james payne because i don’t know any other way to live’ malik made sure to put a little tail/extra line on the side of the letter ‘e’ to make it interchangeable with an upside down letter ‘a.’

now again you might be thinking i don’t know if that’s really intentional or all that meaningful. but look closely.

there is clearly an additional connected piece on that e that cannot be explained away or mistaken for just a weird blot of ink. it’s not just an error on the part of the tattoo artist (if it was i’m sure zayn would have had it fixed by now given that he’s had that tat for over 4 years at this point) and there’s also no letter ‘a’ in ‘mind of mine.’

so why is it there? and why does it just so happen to be right next to the i, the m, and the L-shaped tiger tail. why did zayn choose to arrange the letters of the word ‘mine’ in such a weird order instead of a more normal/easier to read format like the rest of the album title? and why did he choose put those exact letters all near each other? because it’s intentional. and because it’s meant to have a very particular double meaning.

if he was going for just a random order he could’ve put those letters anywhere. but he didn’t. and more than that he went out of his way to make sure that that additional piece on the e was added and distinct so that it could very clearly double as an (unnecessary) a.

there’s no way you can argue that all of those things are just coincidence or that the random letter ‘a’ means absolutely nothing lol. that tattoo was clearly meant as both an homage to the album and to liam (who the album is largely believed to be about lol). and the fact that the muscles seem to match quite closely to liam’s is a nice added bonus that just helps confirm that imo. (plus there’s also the lovely little tidbit of knowledge that the tattoo is positioned in such a way that whenever zayn wears short-sleeve shirts the ‘Liam’ part is the only part clearly on display 😏😏😏)

BUT GUESS WHAT??

THAT IS NOT EVEN WHERE ZAYN’S TATTOO DEDICATIONS ENDDDD

never mind that he already had all of us ziams sobbing ourselves to death and morphing into withered soulless husks over this tattoo after he debuted the full thing in 2016, but there’s so! many! more!

boy’s body is literally a giant ass open love letter to liam and i am NOT OKAY. (have i mentioned i hate these extra ass romantic saps with every fiber of my being? no? well i do. and you’re about to find out all the reasons why)

reason #1 - all. the. goddamn. mandala. tattoos. (there are multiple but i’m only linking to this post featuring/talking about the main one, i.e. the very first one he got cause that’s the one that kills me the most but if you wanna see the others peep my ziam tattoos tag or my zayn’s tattoos tag)

reason #2 - love & marriage poem tattoo (read all the posts in this tag starting from the bottom first for full context)

reason #3 - red wolf & bat wings chest tattoo

reason #4 - wolf leg tattoo (more background details here too)

reason #5 - liam’s silhouette leg tattoo

reason #6 - smoking lips hand tattoo (which literally matches the album art for liam’s debut single exactly and was debuted on zayn’s hand months before the single’s release - scroll down to the part where you can see the red lip pics)

reason #7 - the snake tattoo (aka the snake habitat tattoo)

reason #8 - motherfuckin 25!! idk what it means but it clearly means SOMETHING important to the both of them and it still drives me insane to this day and probably will to my dying breath 🤬

bonus - it’s not a tattoo but: zayn’s nose piercing. which along with the mandala wrist tat is literally a desi bride declaration of marriage; fun fact - tan france, a gay married british-pakistani tv personality who is part of the queer eye crew also has a mandala tat on his left hand that some have speculated may also be to symbolize his dedication to his husband)

anyway there are more tattoos of zayn’s that seem to also be related to liam (though more loosely imo) but this post is already beyonddd long enough so i figured it’s best to just stick to the main ones/most obvious ones here lol

(side note: liam also has tattoos that are clearly dedicated to zayn/his and zayn’s relationship as well, but that’s for another post and also if my recall is correct i think zayn might actually have more?? well that we know of anyway lol)

(side note 2.0: one other thing that adds to the theory of the m.o.m. tiger tattoo being a dedication to liam/liam’s name, besides the obvious lettering thing described above, is that zayn is known to have a thing for tattooing the names of his closest loved ones on his body. the only person in his immediate family whose name he doesn’t appear to have tattooed on him is trisha’s and i’d be willing to bet that’s either because she specifically asked him not to, or he does have one but it’s just in a very hidden place. but we know that he has his father’s name, grandfather’s name, and all of his sister’s names tattooed on him so when you combine that with the weird lettering of the m.o.m. tiger tat and the fact that the album was very likely about liam/closely followed the story of the beginning of his relationship with liam, it becomes even less plausible imo that that tattoo is meant to be about anything else but liam. ain’t science grand?)

(side note 3.0: zayn’s whole left arm/left sleeve of tats seems to be specifically reserved for tattoos dedicated to liam and/or related/connected to liam’s own tattoos, and there’s a couple of good posts here - x, x, x, x - that go through some of the more specific parallels between their tattoos and how certain ones seem to mirror or directly pair with each other’s)

ok i promise that’s it for the side notes lol!

lastly, to your final question, i do believe that they are still together currently, especially considering this most recent soft outing/confirmation from one of zayn’s songwriters (who is also not the first to do that either btw lol) but that is not the only reason - see my post here for some of the biggest reasons why i believe ziam remains real and strong :)

#asks #anons #ziam #ziam tattoos #zayn's tattoos #ziam declarations of love #ziam is real #ziam remains real #obvious husbands are obvious #ziam masterposts #mine #this post took me over half the goddamn day wtf #i hate my inconsistent ass tags #why am i like this

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schrijverr · 4 years ago

Text

'Till Death Do Us Part

Part 7 out of 13

When Alex has to bring Philip to work, he and Thomas discover that they both have something in common: they lost their love. They form an unexpected bond and connection about this that grows into something more.

A medium burn with parental feelings about Philip and flowers.

On AO3.

Ships: Jamilton

Warnings: mentions of grief

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chapter 7: Betony Means ‘Surprise’

Alex and Thomas had gone on two more dates together when April rolled around. Nothing had been made official yet, but the kisses had become more heated, their text messages more familiar, with Thomas staying over after movie nights.

However, Alex now had a problem.

He stopped Angelica as she exited her office: “Hey, Angelica, Angie, one of my favorite sisters, how are you?”

“What do you need, Alex?” he wasn’t all that subtle and she saw right through him.

“I am having a minor crisis and I need you to tell me what to do, but I can’t have Thomas overhear. Can we please go into your office?” he pleaded.

“Having love life issues?” her eyes lit up and he felt a small betrayal at her glee about his crisis, but he was also just happy she was listening.

“Yes,” he sighed, “Can we go now?”

“Of course,” she opened the door and ushered him in, asking, “So, what’s up? Tell me everything.”

“Did you know Thomas’s birthday is the 13th??” he whisper yelled at her.

“Yeah, I’ve been friends with him for a while, it’s always been that date,” Angelica shouldn’t sound so amused in Alex’s not so humble opinion.

“And you didn’t tell me?”

“I don’t know what you’re so upset about, Thomas has been the birthday boy before, ‘Lexi.” she teased him.

“Yeah, but when he was the birthday boy before,we weren’t in this weird limbo where we’re not dating dating, but it’s also not friendship and when it was my birthday we were just beginning to be friends, so I have no clue what he’ll expect from me and I’m really freaking out and you need to help me. Now. Preferably.”

Apparently the panic in his eyes was enough for Angelica to drop the teasing and say: “Hey, no reason to stress, take a breath for a moment,” Alex did so, “Good. So, what is the main stressor right now?”

“I can fulfill expectations except I do not know what the expectations are and I will mess up,” Alex told her.

“That’s valid, but you’re also a dumbass,” this is why he loved Angelica, just because she knew him well enough to call him out on his bullshit, even if the bullshit was coming from his own brain.

“Just tell me what to do,” Alex said tiredly, he had been stressing so much about this that he just wanted to give up at this point.

“Well, me and Thomas are friends, you know this, but his birthday- let’s say he’s not big on it and I never really mentioned it to him, so I don’t really know.”

“Then what-”

She cut him off: “But, he and James are much closer. You can ask him.”

“I don’t want to ask him.”

“Why not, don’t be whiny about this.”

“Because it’s embarrassing,” Alex most definitely whined.

“Then you just have to suck it up or keep stressing,” Angelica shrugged.

Alex bit his lip as he thought about it. He and James had worked together on a project, before James moved to a different branch. It was around the time John had died and Alex wasn’t a pleasant person back then, so when Thomas came back they had definitively grown apart. Alex hadn’t talked to James in forever.

But he also wanted to be a good maybe-boyfriend to Thomas and he didn’t want to disappoint or hurt the other man when it had been going so well so far.

He sighed: “Do you know where his office is?”

Angelica smiled and told him, before giving him a cookie from the jar she had on her desk, because she was ‘a grown woman who could do whatever she wanted, you judgmental asshole.’

“I’ll be off then.”

“Good luck, ‘Lexi,” Angelica waved cheerily as she went the other way to the printer room, while Alex felt as if he approached the doors of the Hell even though it was just the lift.

Getting off two floors below, he walked over to James’ office and knocked, waiting for a beat until the other called out: “Come in.”

He slowly opened the door and in the most awkward way possible he greeted: “Heeey.”

“Alexander, what a pleasant surprise,” he wasn’t sure how much James meant that, but he was hoping for sincerity.

“Yeah, good to see you too, it’s been a while, sorry. I, uhm, I’m not that good with keeping up with people,” he said, before adding, “Especially back then, sorry for that.”

James looked him over carefully, then said: “I understand. You must forgive him, but Thomas gave me some context.”

“Ah, yeah, well, can’t say I didn’t do the same,” Alex replied, “Though, I should have reached out again after I processed a bit more, I kinda took it out on you and that wasn’t okay.”

“No, it wasn’t,” James acknowledged, then the subject was apparently done in his eyes, since he swiftly moved on: “I suppose you have a reason for coming here now.”

“Yeah, can I come in?”

James gestured for him to enter so he closed the door behind him and sat down in one of the chairs across from James as he began: “Now, I know this is not your thing, but I need your advise about something.”

“Is it about Thomas?” James stopped him before he could continue.

“It’s about Thomas,” Alex confirmed.

“What stupid thing are you planning now?” James asked with a sigh.

“Nothing,” James didn’t believe him, so he went on, “Well, nothing yet. It’s- His birthday is coming up – I don’t know why I’m telling you this, you know that – but it’s coming up and I don’t know if I should do something or if he wants to be left alone, just- what are the expectations? Do you know what Thomas expects? From me.”

James paused at the word vomit and mulled over his words, before asking: “You really care about this, don’t you?”

“Yeah, it’s- it’s been really good and I don’t wanna mess it up,” Alex said, he decided to put all cards on the table in the hope that James would see he was honest and help him not fuck up the best thing that had happened to him since Philip was born.

“Hmm,” James hummed thoughtfully for a moment, then slowly and carefully he began, “Thomas does not like his birthday, he’s not a party man. He usually lets the date go by uncelebrated, so that’s something to keep in mind.”

“Okay, okay,” Alex nodded, “Is there anything I could do? Like, would he appreciate me showing up with take out and a movie or something? Like as a surprise? Is that something he would like?”

“I’m sorry, aren’tyou the one texting him every single day?” James said, “I have to listen to Thomas talk about you so much, I almost feel like I know you too well for the amount of interactions we’ve had and you really think me – the aroace – is the one to go for for dating advice?”

“Why is this so hard,” Alex groaned, “Ugh.”

James raised a brow at this.

“You weren’t the first I asked,” Alex told him, “I asked Angelica and she said to go to you. SoI hoped that you, as Thomas’s best friend, would be willing to help little old me.”

After a beat James said: “I think he would appreciate it, but bring a gift as well.”

“Thanks, you’re literally the best. What-”

“No, I’m not giving you gift ideas,” James cut him off, “Thomas is hard enough to buy something for and I came up with one idea and you’re not getting it.”

Alex chuckled at that, deciding that James had done enough for him to stop harassing the man about his own relationship issues. He smiled: “Alright, I’ll go now. Again, thanks.”

“You’re welcome,” James called out to him as he left and Alex did a small lazy salute to him as he left the office feeling a bit better about how to go about it.

As he walked back to his office he mentally made a plan of action, nodding satisfied to himself as he did. It felt good to know what the game was, so that he could find a way to play. Knowing his surroundings had always given him comfort.

It was Wednesday and Laf was picking Philip up from school, claiming the babysitters spot after saying that he hadn’t seen his favorite neveuin forever. This worked in Alex’s favor.

He was let up into the apartment and was immediately greeted by Philip, jumping into his arms as he rambled about cars and a monster and French.

Alex listened and waited until he was done talking, before saying: “Wow, that sounds very cool, buddy. Seems you had a productive afternoon. How was school? Learn anything fun?”

“We talked about shapes!” Philip told him, before explaining why a square was a rectangle, but a rectangle not always a square, “Isn’t that super mega cool?”

“That is super mega cool, buddy,” Alex agreed.

Before he could say more, Laf interrupted: “Wow, just ignored in my own home, I feel personally attacked, mon ami.”

“Ah, sorry,” Alex was the only one of his friends with kids, of course Eliza and Maria had the orphanage, but it wasn’t the same. It was supposed to be him and John together, but now he was mostly on his own and he still felt awkward about it sometimes, like he was too young and had made a mistake, even though Philip was the best thing in his life and completely planned.

“Don’t worry about it, it was a joke,” Laf smiled, easing his anxiety slightly.

Alex smiled back, then asked Philip: “Have you been nice for your Uncle Laf? Didn’t tear the place down, I hope.”

Philip shook his head: “I was very good.”

“We’ll see,” Alex winked, before raised a questioning brow at Laf.

“Mon petit neveustill takes after his best Uncle and is an absolute star,” he said, “You did well with him Alex.”

“Good to hear,” Alex replied, ruffling Philip’s hair, “Maybe you’ll get an extra story tonight, buddy. You can play a little more now, I have to ask your Uncle Laf something for a moment, okay?”

At that Philip cheered as he raced off to his cars, dropping to his knees and getting immersed in his little world once more.

Alex followed him with fond eyes, before Lafayette said: “So, have to ask Uncle Laf something, I am curious.”

“Ah, yeah, uhm, don’t tease me, okay?”

“You’re onlymaking me more curious, Alexandre. What is it?”

“I don’t know what to get Thomas for his birthday.”

Lafayette gasped and jumped a bit, grin splitting his face: “I will help you find the perfect gift!”

“Really?” Alex was relieved, “Thank you so much.”

“It’s not problem, I need this sort of entertainment in my life,” Laf clapped him on the back, “So, what is the vibe?”

“Well, I’m planning to come over to his house with take out and just watching a movie together,” Alex explained, “James said he’s not big on huge birthday parties and we’re not dating dating so I don’t want to make it too big of a deal, but still a deal, if that makes sense?”

“Good insight, I once threw him a huge birthday party and he did not appreciate it.”

“Oof.”

“Yeah, it happens, mon ami, not everyone can see my great party planning skills for what they’re worth,” Laf lamented, “But a gift, he likes books, poetry, music – especially classics – and, uhm, fashion, but I don’t think you’re the man for that.”

“I would protest that, because he literally wears magenta suits, but he also said that I dress – and I quote – ‘like the pits of fashion,’ so he would agree more with you in that,” Alex shrugged.

“Good,” Lafayette nodded, “Now, music, I don’t know how much you overlap in music, so maybe stay out of that one unless you’re sure, so that leaves books and poetry, which you have a lot in common in, so maybe do that.”

Alex nodded, but couldn't say anything before Laf gasped: “Buy him love poetry.”

“That’s kinda corny don’t you think?”Alex asked.

Lafayette thought of that one time Thomas had told him Martha had written him a love song and he had cried, before he shook his head: “No, Thomas loves corny, it’s a good gift.”

“Okay, thank you, you are my knight in shining armor,” Alex told him.

“Live to please,” Lafayette winked, “Hey, do you and Pip want to stay over for dinner, I feel like we hardly get to talk with all the adult responsibilities.”

“Yeah sure, that sounds great actually, though it’s not my fault you’re in France most of the time,” Alex ribbed him slightly.

“Oh please, you would too if you had a real job.”

“How dare you,” they fell into familiar squabbling grown out of many years as young drunk college students making bad choices together.

As they wined and dined Alex mulled over Lafayette’s suggestion. It was a good suggestion, but Alex worried it might be too much, but then again he wasn’t doing much organization-wise, so maybe it would just have to be the gift that was a bit more.

He did want to show up as a surprise, but he didn’t want to be too unexpected or make it seem like he had forgotten or something.

While the night progressed, the idea became more solid in his head and by the time he was tucking Philip in, he knew what he was going to do.

By the time the 13thof April arrived Alex was kinda nervous as he came into the office. He put his stuff down in his office and took a deep breath before going to the break room to make two cups of coffee and wait at Thomas’s office.

He had timed it pretty well and not a minute later Thomas came sauntering over to his office, stopping when he saw Alex. Alex attempted a wave, but was stopped by his full hands, so he just said: “Uhm, happy birthday.”

Thomas blinked for a moment, the smiled and shook his head: “You didn’t have to do that, but thanks.”

“I know you don’t like to celebrate, so I didn’t want to do anything big, but I did want to do something, it would feel weird to just let it go by, so uhm, here,” he held out the flowers he had with him and the coffee, “I checked your office vase yesterday and there was nothing, so I hope that’s still the case.”

“It is. Thank you, they’re beautiful,” Thomas took the purple flowers, “What are they?”

“They’re betonies,” Alex replied, knowing why Thomas was asking. They had been doing this thing with flowers for a while now, both trying to find flowers that suited the occasion or the other person, which was why he had picked them.

“I love them,” Thomas smiled, opening his office and asking, “Wanna drink this coffee in my office before we start?”

“Hell yeah.”

They drank they coffee talking about nothing and everything as they started up slowly. Before Alex and Thomas starting drinking coffee in the morning, Alex would rush through drinking his coffee to get to his office as fast as he could, but he was starting to see the joys of taking his time in the morning.

Thomas loved how he got Alex to calm down a bit. He loved the other’s ambitions and quick wit along with his concentrated face when he was typing a mile a minute, but this more mellow version of Alex was also nice to witness from time to time.

After a whileAlex finally stood up, stretching as he said: “Alright, I should probably go to work now. See you at lunch? I’m buying.”

“I’m not saying no to free food. See ya, then,” Thomas waved as Alex left.

Whenthe door hadclosed, he got out his phone and quickly Googled the meaning of betonies. Frowning when he saw that they meant surprise, was it because the flowers were a surprise or because Alex had something else up his sleeve?

He started on his work as he mulled over the possibilities.

An hour into the day, Angelica knocked on his door and came in with a smile: “Hi, birthday boy, you feeling old yet?”

“And hello to you too, Angie,” Thomas deadpanned.

“Ahw, come on, Tommy, it’s all in good faith,” she smirked, entering his office and handing him a card.

With slight apprehension he took the card and sighed when he saw that it was a black and white picture of an old lady on a skateboard that read ‘OLD BUT STILL COOL!’ He looked at it then up to Angelica tiredly: “Why are you like this?”

“You love it,” she grinned, then added: “Old man.”

“Just because you’re two years younger, doesn’t mean you’re funny,” he told her, “I’m not even forty yet, so fuck off.”

“Well, you live in your world, I’ll live in mine,” she turned and commented, “Nice flowers.”

Thomas blushed and mumbled: “Yeah, Alex got them for me.”

“Ahw, how sweet,” Angelica cooed, “You two are so cute. If I wasn’t so glad being single, I would be jealous.”

“Shut up.”

“Are you blushing?”

“I don’t like how much it sounds like you’re enjoying my pain, Angelica,” he said, “And since it’s my birthday, you’re not allowed to.”

Angelica laughed: “What are you? Five?”

“No, according to this card I’m fifty, thanks for that.”

“You’re not actually hurt, are you, Tommy?”

“Give me a cookie from your cookie stash and I won’t be.”

“Come on, you big loser, it’s coffee break time anyway.”

He happily got up and followed her out of his office to hers, going back to hang out in the break room for a moment afterwards and catch up on life.

Lunch came around and Alex got a small cupcake, which he gave to him with a shrug: “I wanted to put a candle in there, but fire safety AKA Washington, was lame andwouldn’t allow it.”

“Life happens,” Thomas grinned, picturing Alex whining while Washington refused to let him burn the office down by accident.

“Yeah, it does,” Alex grinned back, “Okay day so far?”

Thomas nodded: “Yeah, got a cookie from Angie and been enjoying my flowers.”

“Glad you like them,” and then Alex gave him a mysterious smirk that Thomas couldn't decipher and he wanted to ask what it was about, but he also wanted to figure it out on his own. So, instead he asked about Alex’s work and let the conversation flow easily between them.

When Alex left to go back to work, he planted a peck on Thomas’s forehead then his nose when he saw the blush, commenting that it was still cute, which didn’t help the blush at all.

With Alex’s departure, he was thinking about the flowers again and he had no clue what to think.

He was still intently staring at them when James entered his office. His friend had already called him in the morning, but had come to congratulate him in person as well: “Thomas, congrats on being thirty-eight, almost not a youngling anymore.”

“Ugh, are you and Angelica teaming up?” Thomas asked, “I swear the only whose been nice about the whole age thing is Alex and that’s just cause he wants to be nice on my birthday, he’ll join you tomorrow, probably.”

“You’re being dramatic, Thomas,” James told him, no pity there, “Ah, flowers, how lovely.”

Aha, he could ask James what he thought they meant. He smiled: “They are. They’re betonies, they mean surprise, what do you think he meant with that?”

“I think he thought: ‘Oh purple, Thomas likes purple, these flowers are pretty, I’ll get them,’” James informed him.

“That’s not what he sounds like,” Thomas protested.

“It’s kind of what he sounds like, with the run on sentences. I swear that man doesn’t know a dot when it hits him in the face,” James complained.

“I always forget you two worked together,” Thomas mused, “Anyway, not the point. The point is that the flowers mean surprise and I need to know why.”

“And I already told you.”

“You’re missing the point, Jemmy. Me and Alex do this thing with the flowers,” Thomas explained, “He asked me out with cornflowers, it was fucking cute, alright. The flowers mean surprise for a reason and I need to figure it out. It’s probably a clue.”

“I think you’re blowing this out of proportion,” James said, twisting his handkerchief around his fingers.

“Oh- you- the- I think you’re lying.”

“What?”

“You’re twisting the handkerchief, you do that when you’re lying,” Thomas accused, “You know something.”

“No, I don’t and I don’t twist my handkerchief when I’m lying,” James protested.

“Yes, you do. You did it when Laf threw me the surprise party- oh God, he’s not throwing me a surprise party is he?”

“He’s not, Thomas, calm down.”

“So you do know something?”

“I can’t believe I’m still friends with you,” James avoided the question.

“I can,” Thomas replied, “Now, tell me what you know.”

James sighed and rubbed his forehead: “I’m not telling you anything.”

“Why not, Jemmy, please,” Thomas whined.

“Because the flowers mean surprise,” James told him bluntly, “I thought you were big on their meaning.”

“You’re so mean to me, Jemmy.”

“And you mostly deserve it,” James said, “Now, have your sisters called you, yet? Or your mom?”

“Yeah, I missed Ma and Mary, I think Jane just left a message though. Why can’t they send a text like Randy, that’s at leasteasy.”

“Oh, jikes.”

“I know, I’m gonna hear about that,” Thomas sighed, “But I don’t want to talk to them yet, because this thing with Alex is just really starting and I don’t want them nosing around – and I know they will – and I just don’t want them to ruin it. You know I can’t keep my mouth shut around them.”

“You’re going to have to tell them eventually,” James said kindly.

“I know, I know, but I want to at least know how to describe Alex when I finally do,” Thomas sighed.

James gave him a look: “You can talk to Alex about it.”

Thomas hid under his arms: “Yeah, but that’s scary, cause what if he doesn’t like me that much? What if he thinks it’s too fast?”

“Thomas, you’ve been on four, in your words, amazing dates, you’ve seen him cry in front of his late husband’s grave, you cried in his arms, I don’t think it’s too fast,” James said, “Now, I know, I might not have the best grip on this, but from what I heard from him, you’re good.”

“You talked to him? What did he say?”

“He said it was really good,” James decided it couldn't hurt to boost Thomas’s confidence, “Look, you don’t have to talk about it today or anything, but you’re going to at some point. I think you both want this, so go for it.”

“I hate it when you’re right,” Thomas whined.

“Then you hate me most of the time,” James smirked.

“I hate you.”

“You just said.”

“Fuck you.”

“I’d rather you don’t.”

“James, you assh- you know what? Never mind, that one never gets old.”

“Thank you, I try.”

Thomas stretched, popping his back, before making a face: “God, soon these old man comments are going to be true.”

James just laughed at his pain, then they chatted a bit more, before James bid him farewell and told him to enjoy the rest of his birthday. Thomas rolled his eyes at that, he was just going to sit on his couch with wine or something, James knew that.

He finished up his work early and said goodbye to Alex, who was still typing away on his laptop. He waved back absentmindedly, hair in a messy bun as he mouthed some words. The picture made Thomas pause, smiling softly.

At home, he kicked off his shoes and got dressed in black sweat pants and a tank top. He stopped at the picture of Martha on his bedside table. It was his favorite picture of her, she was wearing a yellow sundress and sitting in a field under a tree, holding her guitar and smiling.

He smiled at it and whispered: “I wish you could see me now, sweetheart. You’d be so proud of me.”

The picture stayed silent, but it’s presence was still comforting, so Thomas picked it up and looked at it for a moment.

Then he went downstairs and put on some classical music with a book, determined to enjoy his birthday surrounded by soft pillows.

His stomach started rumbling about an hour later, but before he could do something about it, his phone started ringing. Glancing at the contact, he saw it was Lafayette. He knew he couldn't just ignore the man, because he would show up at his door, so he picked up: “Hi, Laf.”

“Mon ami, bonjour, bonjour,” Lafayette greeted him excitedly, “Bon anniversaire! How are you on this fine day?”

“Yeah, yeah, you know, the usual,” Thomas said, “Though, Alex got me flowers, that was nice.”

“Ahw, you two are so attachante, I love you two,” Laf cooed.

Thomas just rolled his eyes at the Frenchman’s antics, he had long since gotten used to the unlimited amount of energy he seemed to have. He asked: “So, how has your day been?”

“Ugh, you would not believe, Tommy, what I’ve been through, okay,” Lafayette began, “Sometimes a day is ruined as it starts – it was a day like that. Woke up late, big line at Starbucks, didn’t have oat milk for my latte, was late at work, security were having issues and that was before I had even gotten to my office.”

“Sounds awful, Laf,” Thomas was happy to let Lafayette ramble, he liked listening to others with little expectations of his own involvement in the conversation.

“I know, right?” Lafayette agreed, “So, I get to my desk and I rememberedI left it a mess yesterday. Granted, this was my own fault, but it was another thing that just bogs you down, you know. Anyway, I get to organizing my desk then Janice came up to me.”

“Racist, homophobic Senator Janice?”

“Yes, her, the fucking bitch. And I was feeling myself, I was having my highlighter moment, got these cute dangling earrings in.”

“The ones Eliza got for you? With the little crystals?”

“Yeah, I love them – I should thank her for those again, hmm – anyway, Janice starts going off about them, like she’s not dressed like a Walmart clearance rack. Which, nothing wrong with that, but don’t come after my moment.”

Thomas just hummed, confirming he was still listening.

“I wasn’t having this, but before I could level her to the ground, Nyke saves me from slapping a Senator. I appreciate them so much, the only valid person in the entire White House, I will swear by that.”

That got a huff out of Thomas, who asked: “Not the President, but your intern?”

“Obviously, at least Nyke knows how to dress,” Laf replied, “Ugh, they were wearing a corset by the way and I am really tempted, but I’m not sure. What do you think?”

“I mean, if you want to. Why not?” Thomas shrugged, “It seems like something you could pull off. I don’t know, yolo or something?”

“Did you just say yolo?” there was a weird sort of glee and upset in Lafayette’s voice.

“Yeah, not cool anymore?”

“Not- not cool? Honey that hasn’t been cool in years.”

“It started ironic, okay.”

Lafayette cackled: “God, I know you were becoming old today, but hot damn.”

“Not you too,” Thomas whined.

“Not the first?” Lafayette asked, glee not at all hidden.

“No, James and Angie are mean to me and at this point I’m just waiting for Alex to join, but I think he’s waiting until my actual birthday is over in an attempt to be nice,” Thomas lamented.

“You know him so well.”

“I hate you.”

“Live to please.”

“Can we go back to Janice and Nyke?” Thomas pleaded.

“Of course!” Laf’s cheery voice came through the phone, “So, Nyke saved me from beating a bitch up, we drank coffee together – love having interns, it’s great – boring meetings blah, blah, blah.”

“I love that you describe your important job in the government as ‘blah, blah, blah.’”

“We all have our talents, mon ami.”

“Yeah, mine are getting insulted for being old. I’m not even forty yet, okay, I’m not that old. They’re only a few years younger than me, the assholes. I mean, Alex is thirty-three, he has no rights.”

“He hasn’t even started to, Thomas.”

“But he’s going to,” Thomas moped.

“I mean, true.”

“I hate it here.”

“It can’t have been that bad, tell me something good from today,”

“Well, Alex got me flowers, betonies, actually,” Thomas told him, “They mean surprise, know anything about that?”

“Non,” Laf was lying, Thomas knew it, but didn’t push, “Anything else fun?”

“Angie and James coming by was nice and lunch with Alex was nice too. He got me a muffin and complained Washington wouldn’t let him light a candle within the office,” Thomas smiled, “He’s a little menace.”

“Yes, he is, gave that to another scélérat.”

“Is the scoundrel in question perhaps Philip?”

“Indeed, I hear you’ve been upgraded to Uncle Thomas?” there was a bit of teasing in Lafayette’s voice, but also pride.

Thomas blushed and said: “Yeah, who said? It has to be someone from the movie night you weren’t at. Was it Alex? Or Angie?”

“Oh, non, it was mon petitPip, himself, grand tales of his bestest Uncle Thomas,” Laf most definitely teasing with that, but Thomas just blushed heavier, happy that the kid liked him so much, which had been an insecurity when he and Alex had started.

“When did you speak with him? He doing alright?”

“I would say that you get to see him more often than me, but I have him here,” Lafayette informed him, “We’re watching Beauty and the Beasttonight.”

“What? Where’s Alex?”

“Rude, I can spend time with mon neveu, Thomas,” Lafayette said.

“Lafayette, it’s almost 18:30, if Alex’s still at work I have to go drag him away from his laptop,” Thomas explained, “He should be picking Philip up by now, by a while ago, actually.”

“Non, of course not, me and Pip are having a sleepover,” Laf turned the phone away and Thomas could hear him yell: “Pip, you’re having a sleepover with your favorite Uncle, aren’t you?”

There was a faint, inaudible reply, before Laf returned to the phone and grumbled: “Thomas, you need to upgrade yourself to dad soon, I’m loosing my status.”

“What?” Thomas chocked.

“Nothing,” Laf breezed on, “My point is Alex knows where Pip is and it’s all good.”

“Then he could still be at the office, I should call him,” Thomas worried.

“No, of course not, he’s- uhm,” Laf was searching for words when the doorbell rang.

Thomas looked up and frowned, he wasn’t expecting company and he hadn’t ordered anything yet either. He told Laf: “Sorry, one sec. There’s someone at the door.”

“Oh, that’s my cue to go,” Laf sounded relieved at that. His nonsense babbling supply had run dry by now.

“What?”

“You’ll see,” and with that mysterious message, Lafayette hung up.

Thomas shook his head, before going to the front door, thinking of who the fuck it could be. When he saw the person through the window, it all clicked and he wanted to facepalm for it being so obvious.

He opened the door: “Hey, darlin’.”

Alex was dressed casually with a bag of take out in his one hand, a small present in the other. He smiled nervously: “Uhm, surprise.”

~~~~~~~~

A/N:

Disclaimer: aroace people can give good relationship advise, be in relationships if they so wish and I do not want to invalidate anyone, so sorry if it came across like that. I’m just picturing James as an aroace who doesn’t date and doesn’t want to and is tired of everyone’s allo shit.

I love James as a character, but it’s hard to get him in with so many moving parts and people, so sorry for his small role so far. I’ll see what I can do.

This actually goes for all the characters, I want to give them all the attention they deserve, but keeping the story going is also important, so balance ahhh

#RR writing #tw: grief mention #Hamilton #Hamilton AU #Alexander Hamilton #Thomas Jefferson #Angelica Schuyler #James Maddison #Lafayette #Marquis de Lafayette #Philip Hamilton #Jamilton #'Till Death Do Us Part #'Till Death Do Us Part Part 7 #'Till Death Do Us Part AU

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blueybunny · 3 years ago

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The last time we talk as student and teacher

TL;DR: I can text E againnnnnnnnnnnnnn (I’m sorry this is so long)

I’m a big mess of overflowing emotions today. For some context, I was supposed to go talk to E for the last time before I graduate.

The day started off really terribly. When I arrived at school, I immediately had a bad feeling about everything and my anxiety was exacerbated by the fact that I had had a nightmare the previous night. I went to E’s classroom but she was having a meeting that ran overtime. After waiting for what felt like forever, she came up to me and told me that she had a sudden change of plans and would only have a few minutes to chat with me today if I was willing to wait for her to finish her next class. I don’t know why but I kind of saw this coming. I did wait, of course, but at that moment I felt disheartened and quite disappointed.

Then, before she ends the class, she suddenly comes up to me again and asks me if I would want to walk with her to another place where she needed to go. She even said that we wouldn’t be in a hurry and that she could be like 20 minutes late if we happened to take our time walking there. So, things started to look up again. I wait for her a bit and we head out. She was wearing a dress today since the weather was absolutely gorgeous.

We ended up walking quickly even though we didn’t intend to, E’s just naturally a fast walker (she has long legs, as she claimed today) and I even had to tell her she was practically speed-walking bc she said how she was ‘trying to go slow’. She complained about some of her students who still hadn’t finished their projects for summer and since she was in charge of them, she needed to spend extra time helping them (don’t get me wrong, she treats her students like she would probably treat her kids, so she’s not actually serious). She said how it was nice that she could let it out of her system then rather than being mad at her students lol (again, we have a weird dynamic). She also proudly told me about her sister’s kid again when I asked about her summer plans – she seems to know that I know who she’s talking about since she name-drops her family members like it’s second nature. She’s such a cool aunt, it’s adorable! E then went on to call me gifted/talented and at one point she said how “she’s good at things, but that’s about it”. Think again, E.

Since graduation is looming right around the corner, we talked about it a bit too and she said she tries to make it to the celebrations, which means I have a chance of seeing her then.

Now for the best part. We didn’t talk for too long since we walked so fast, but at least it was more than 5 minutes. Since she will probably be making an appearance at my graduation, she didn’t say goodbye or anything yet. I was panicking a bit bc I really wanted to ask her if I could talk to her in the future too but I had a feeling she didn’t expect me to do so. After a small panic (and E urging the question out of me) I finally asked her. I can’t remember her initial reaction or what she said exactly but she didn’t seem taken aback by it and instead said it would be nice to catch up sometime (like she does with other ‘ex-students’ of her, her words lol) bc she likes hearing what people are up to. I was student-zoned so harddddddd and hearing her talk about other students like that got to me a bit since while it means she really cares about them, it made me feel less special and now I’m just one of her ‘ex-students’. Okay okay I’ve never ever been anything ‘special’ to her, it’s just that there was a time when I felt really close to her and I long for those moments.

Anyway, getting to the point. E did specify that we wouldn’t be seeing each other nearly as often as in the past because, well, I’m going to uni so it would be a practical impossibility. I added that it would be weird if I kept doing the same thing I did up until this point (finding her at school in between my classes). Then I started wondering how I could ask her about her schedules. And this woman just says: “Oh, you still have my phone number right?” I– what? Of course I dreamed of this but I never thought she would be the one to suggest it, especially not like this!!! It literally comes full circle. So yeah, she allowed me to text her again (I don’t think she ever actually said no to it, I just assumed it would be decent of me to stop lol). And she also mentioned coffee, to which I had to say that she still owes me one and she said she does. I am so excited to finally, finally, do that with her, though there’s no guarantee it will happen this year lol. It depends on a lot of factors, but I can wait. It’s a date, E, so don’t you dare to bail on me!

We have a few rules now when it comes to texting: First, no texts over summer break since she needs her family time. Second, she can tell me she doesn’t have time and I won’t take it personally (long story related to this). It’s so funny she specified that. I asked her if I could maybe send her some photos next week and she said yes.

I will probably post a follow-up to this later after I’ve recharged my batteries lol, there are a few things I would like to get off my mind. But, for now, I feel content. This was endgame (see my previous post), yes, but we’re moving onto a sequel now. It means a lot less chats with E, but hopefully plenty of new adventures. I hope we won’t drift apart because of how things will be from this point on, but at least she’s still in my life.

#tc #tcc #E #blueybunny #teacher crush #teachercrush

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af1899 · 3 years ago

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FEH - So, update notes for 5.9.0 are out

ICYMI, last night we got news on what's coming for the 5.9.0 software update for Fire Emblem Heroes, which you can check on this archived copy at Gamepedia.

But I want to comment on each point of interest right below and resume more or less all that's new as well as sharing my thoughts, feel free to continue reading.

First of all, the thing we all look forward to the most:

✨ R E F I N E S ✨

Who wouldn't be excited to see one of their favorite characters or that of someone else's getting a well deserved refine after a long wait? Us Micaiah fans are "eating well" lately, meaning that we're happy with the attention she's been getting, but the coming refine announcement is all we should probably read of her in a while:

Yes, you're seeing right, her Brave alt is getting a refine, I've been waiting to decide how I want to build her. 🥺 But hopefully it's good, I'm excited regardless.

As for the others, it was about normal, the other [CYL 2019] winners were also bound to get theirs around this time as well as some of the oldest Legendaries too, this time, Ephraim and Lyn got lucky with new refines, they both have received great remix upgrades overall but [Solar Brace II] for Ephraim is particularly looking quite better indeed, I have mine at +1 +hp collecting dust so I look forward to see what his refine will be otherwise if I don't like it enough and if someone needs [Atk/Def Solo 4] he'll have his days counted.

In a similar topic, Hector in his Legendary alt isn't getting a refine yet, but he's getting [Crafty Fighter 3] and an upgraded version of [Ostia's Pulse], which is slightly less restrictive but has a few extras to grant him an extra utility. He also gains extra inheritance value thanks to the former addition, both skills are easy to secure with the 4 available slots.

Male Kana is getting [Dusk Dragonstone] which is a direct counterpart to that of his sister's weapon, perhaps the effects at base and refine will be analogous, but we'll learn at the time of datamine, taking place soon after the update gradually rolls out this 9/2/2021 at 8:00 p.m. (GMT-3) so in about 3 days and 3 hours as of this post's creation date.

Next up, I want to cover our next batch of limited [Combat Manuals]:

This time, Soiree Nephenee and Flora are our 5★ choices, and they're actually good, but not so impressive.

For me... Flora means I can finally get [Atk/Res Solo 3] and [Quick Riposte 3] on OG Idoun (for context, she's my "skill unit", so I'm giving her every skill she can get) and Soiree Nephenee means I can finally merge her, which is so pog because mine is -spd and I quite like her:

It sure sucks, but it's not so bad, still, it's great I can finally patch it.

Again, I'll leave any appreciation talk for later, and I only have this version of her.

There's also Spring Saleh, the only noteworthy 4★ one who carries good skills and can also serve as merge for those working on him, but if you want my recommendation, try to secure Soiree Nephenee, her fodder is all right and she's a seasonal unit, if you also happen to be working on her, that means you can give her a free merge.

Asides all that, the following Legendary Heroes will now appear only in {Legendary Hero Remix} banners, the next should be coming some time in the middle of this month: Lucina, Azura, Tiki, Eirika, Marth and Hríd.

We're getting new [Memento Events] for [Heroes Journey] (the scenes with random outcomes you can watch when you get 100 [Memento Points]), we'll learn of them after the software update.

I didn't get all the possible outcomes in this event when it was around and didn't even know until last day that the three [Orbs] from the quests were daily so I missed 6 of them, what a drag, but at least I finished it I guess.

But speaking of it, I realized I've never given my insight on it, but so far I think it's an okay event with more fun interactions, rewards are quite nice and appreciated, but it has little play value making it less impressive and easy to forget (adding to the fact it'll run once in each month for 3 days), specially once you get all the rewards it's almost pointless to farm beyond then, but make sure you clear it once everyday when it's around!

Finally, just a random [Aether Raids] structure has its level cap raised by 1 as per usual and two weapons are getting one of their mechanisms fixed to work as intended (Nyx's [Ginnungagap] sure was more important though) but no news on coming music to the [Concert Hall] since months so 0/10 dislike unsubscribe.

It's overall a decently packed update but there's not much to be excited about, other than the refines for the [CYL 2019], as said before, I think it's most exciting to me, but that and the free merge on Soiree Nephenee are my only major highlights.

#fire emblem heroes #fe heroes #cyl3 #fe micaiah

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cheseyre · 4 years ago

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good news, sluts! my brain's no longer being completely stupid (only mostly), i've seen the new asides and...have some thought-y thot thoughts:

*deep inhale*

Okay, first things first: this art style is soooo fucking cUTE and I'm a jealous, squealing bitch. Anyone who knows who the artist is, could you link me to them, stat? I think Thomas mentioned them at the beginning of the ep, but nYeh, brain hurt, doesn't wanna do wooork-

Okay, I'll admit, I was a little...apprehensive when I first saw the thumbnail and title. Part of it's just me being a bitter Remus Stan, but also...okay, deep breaths, controversial opinion time, get ready:

I don't ship Prinxiety.

Like, at all.

I can see the appeal, and these dorks were so very, VERY cute in this particular ep, but I was honestly turned off by the ship long ago due to how overwhelmingly popular it is and how some fans characterize these two and treat this relationship as if it's the only valid one, y'know, the works—slight tangent, but that's also why I don't ship Logicality or Remile. I honestly vibe much better with ships like Roceit or Analogical, y'know?

Cutting in for another brief tangent: I'm surprisingly okay with Demus/Dukeceit/Receit/Trashnoodle/Whatever-Their-Ship-Name-Is-Oh-God-Why-Do-They-Have-So-Many-Fucking-Names; maybe it's cause they haven't actually interacted in canon and the fan content gives me such good Gay Disney Villain content, idk man im weird—).

Still, their interactions were both hilarious and sweet and like I said, I see the appeal, it's just not my cup of tea. y'all Prinxiety fans got fucking FED and I'm happy for you nerds. Enjoy ze happy boys!

I guess another factor in my...low-key hesitance when I first saw what the ep was about is that...okay, get ready, another controversial opinion, le gasp: well, I'm not a big Virgil fan. In fact, at times, he swaps places with Patton as my least favorite sides—especially with some of his recent behavior in eps like DWIT (the "prohibit your breathing comment" really triggered me, for example). Sometimes, his attitude, especially around other sides like Roman or Janus, reminds me a little too much of my sister, who I don't have...a very good relationship with. Add to that how the more...intense side of the fandom has a disturbing tendency to turn him into the 'uwu precious woobie emo baby who can do no wrong' while unnecessarily villainizing other CERTAIN sides in the process, and...I think you all see where I'm going with this little rant 😅

However, upon actually watching the ep, he wasn't...that bad? I don't think? I enjoyed watching him be a flustered, disaster-y mess and genuinely excited at the end, his interactions with Roman were nice enough, and him literally pushing Thomas to make a move with Nico despite his obvious panic attack was a nice moment of genuine character development. I like seeing that, that's the good shit right there. And him being all flustered and shit, and smiling so much at the end of the vid was just...well, adorable. This man has no fucking right to be this cute, my god

alsoooo

pURPLE EYESHADOW

PURPLE EYESHADOW HE LOOKS?? SO GOOD?? WTF?? SLAY EMO, SLAAAAAAAY FUCK, DOES THIS MEAN I HAVE TO CHANGE MY HALLOWEEN COSTUME NOW?

alsoooo

hAPPY ROMAN

YESSSSS~ MAH BOI MAH SON MAH DUMB BITCH HIMBO PRINCE MAH EXTRA MESSY CINNAMON ROLL

ITS BEEN SO LONG

AND HIS LITTLE HEART EYES THROUGHOUT THE VID, OH MY GOD-

IMMA JUST IGNORE THAT "ADDING [MISTAKE] TO THE LIST" COMMENT I AM LOOKING AWAY I DO NOT SEE IT LALALALALA

THOMATHY, SIR, YOU HAVE NO RIGHT MAKING THESE TWO GAY IDIOTS SO BAEBY

Okay, but Virgil not realizing that "cyberstalking in real life" is literally just stalking is both a big ass mood and further proof that, yes, Logan is indeed the only one holding the braincell out of this disaster of a lot. God help them all if he ducks out in the next ep.

👀

And Thomas x Trash Can is my new OTP. I dub thee ✨ "Trashmas" ✨

we sTAN TRASHMAS

Wait, does that mean Remus actually WAS in the ep? Cause, y'know, trash man?

hmmm

👀 👀

Okay, okay.

With how much Virgil and Roman were going off about Thomas constantly lying, I was (understandably) a tad bit disappointed my snek son didn't even make a fucking cameo, but y'know what? In hindsight, I'm okay with this it's fineee~

He was just off playing with shadow puppets and stealing money from us desperate, content-starved peasants with his sheer extra-ness and, honestly? Gotta respect the hustle.

Get that precious, precious coin, dapper snake! Wring us poor losers dryyyy!

*evil snek laugh*

Also, this is a breather ep and adding Janus in probably would've caused unnecessary drama with the Roceit breakup and the constant antagonism between Virgil and him. It probably would've distracted from the point of the ep (flirting with social anxiety, exactly what it says in the tin)—much like it wasn't really Virgil or Remus's place to show up during POF. Does that make sense? I think it makes sense. Sorry, brain going brr-

Still, I can't believe the "Fuck Janus Sanders" Club is actually canon now 😂

God, first Patton in a skirt and now this.

Thomas Sanders, you delight in fucking feEDING this gremlin nest of a fanbase, don’t you? You RELISH our screams of joy and pain and suffering, dON’T YOU?

What's next, actual canonical Janus and Remus interaction? Patton saying the fuck word? The Dragon Witch comes back? Janus's bowler hat gains sentience and takes over the world, Doris-style? What do you have planned, Thomas? Joan? WHAT ART THOU PLANNING, I MUST KNOW YOU HEATHENS YOU FIENDS-

And Virgil's little "would it be fair to him" comment, tho.

👀

Like, I get in the context of the ep, he was likely talking about Nico and how it wouldn’t be good for a potential relationship with Tomas to be founded on lies, but still...my anxceit heart aches, man.

Gimme that sweet, sweet angst with a side of mutual regret and possible future reconciliation and maybe something more wink wink nudge nudge on top, pls

...and fries.

Honestly, tho, that entire bathroom monologue was fucking beautiful, man. And relatable, too—i can't tell you how many times I've talked to myself in public restrooms because I just didn't know how to get the words I wanted to say out. It's...kind of embarrassing, tbh

Speaking of embarrassing, uh, crying stall guy.

Just...

Crying Stall Guy

Like, I was expecting someone to come out the bathroom stall after Thomas stopped talking, but...I honestly wasn't expecting that. God, that whole scene was so cringe worthy and fucking hilarious

Honestly, Thomas in the ep in general was a huge ass mOOD and we collective gay/bi disasters ALL related with him, and if you say you don't, you're either lying to yourself or a demon.

There is no in between

sorry I don't make the rules

Like, I get this series is literally a gay disaster talking to himself for thirty minutes or longer, but like- EMPHASIS on the 'disaster' part 😂

Like...Thomas, you're lucky you're such a goddamn bean, because GOD, I cringing so hard when he first started talking to Nico

Although, I too have apologized profusely for genuine mistakes and am a flustered bi mess around my crush sooo

😅

And god, Roman's "thirty = old man" jokes made me feel old...and I literally just turned twenty, like, come on, man!

Maybe that's because I was literally watching this ep after finishing my ACT and had been sitting with a bunch of high schoolers, with their tiny fucking desks and tiny fucking water fountains smeh

*clears throat*

Anyways, uh, we STAN Nico Pintrovert Florés in this house

He gives me such big Carlos from WTNV vibes for some reason and this makes me sooo happy

and YESS, he's a WRITER

And he's??? So sweet?? A pure bean?? Just sits on his laptop at the mall food court all day, like a god-fucking iCON?? A Nightmare Before Christmas fan?? weARS GLASSES??

my hEART

*cries*

The fandom seems torn between "Nicomas" and "Karrot Kings" as a ship name atm—personally speaking, I'm casting my vote for the latter

*crosses fingers* please dont be another janus x remus multiple ship name issue guys, please please please I can't keep track of them all-

*clears throat*

On that note, I'm guess I'm gonna go try and whoo over my crush with carrots now. If THIS disaster can do it and make it actually fucking work, god damnit, so cAN I

Meanwhile, in hell, my brain's just screaming "CANON LOVE INTEREST CANON LOVE INTEREST CANON LOVE INTEREST-"

God, I hope Nico isn't just a one-shot character, he's too pure and Thomas and him are adorable gay Disney fans and I stan

Oh, I wonder how the other sides'll react to him.

Wait.

Oh god.

This ep just unleashed a new fresh hell of potential Nico x Sides ships, hasn't it?

Welp, time to prepare for ze incoming flood of fanfics, I guess. I'll get my umbrella and rain boots.

That last shot of Virgil during the endcard was so fucking ominous oh my god mom im scared can you come pick me up-

Goddammit, Thomas and Joan, I'm NOT fucking ready to be traumatized again, fUCK

I wish I wasn't a broke ass university student so I could contribute to Thomas's gloriously extra Patreon—both so I can support my favorite content creators who make this amazing blessed content and also, to join my boi Janus in fucking destroying society by giving money to the people who actually deserve it, fuck YOU GOVERNMENT-

Okay.

New headcanon time as to why Patton, Remus, and Logan weren't in the ep: they were helping Jan film that Patreon promotional video.

Remus directed it, Logan helped with the lighting and script, and Patton was just there as the cheerleader.

The reason Janus made a dog with shadow puppets wasn't just to flaunt his deity status and prove how he is truly above us mere wretched mortals

despite that being the absolute truth and we all know it, don't lie to yourselves

No, it was really him trying to do something cute and silly for Patton, because Moceit rights, daMMIT

*inhales*

noww

guys, gals, and nonbinary pals

it’s time forr

the most wonderful time of the yearrr

WAITING FOR THE NEXT EPISODE

Step right up, folks! Hear ye, hear ye, my prediction for the next episode: Prinxiety v. Moceit! With special guest stars: Karrot Kings vibing in adorable gay and Intrulogical, bitter at being excluded aGAIN

Who will win? Who will lose?

here’s a hint: we all will because in this sick twisted game they are no winners only losers-

Place your bets, folks! ✨

Haha im not readyyy~

tl;dr

this episode has cleared my skin, watered my crops, and ended my suffering—an adorable calm before the... angsty fucking shitstorm that’s coming far too soon. Prinxiety stans, enjoy your food. Place an 'F' in the chat for me and my fellow grieving Remus stans. Trashmas is the true OTP, but Karrot Kings is cute too I guess. I've only had Nico Florés for 24 minutes, but if anything happens to him, I'll kill everyone in this room and then myself. Purple eyeshadow Virgil makes me question my sexuality aGAIN, and happy gay disney prince rights y'all. Say a big ole 'fuck you' to capitalism by giving your local dapper snake moneys. Concussion makes brain go brr and imma go buy some carrots and be gay now.

psst hey @quarantinevibes2020 you wanna join me in being disaster-y? i’ll bring my best gay stare and you bring the wine

Until next time, my lovelies! ~ Ches 🖤

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davidpastrsnack · 3 years ago

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i’m having such a shitty time when it comes to friends recently and idk what to do. my two best friends have recently become close friends too and it’s as if i’m getting forgotten about, like one of them was going to a concert with her boyfriend and then invited the other but not me and although i don’t expect to be invited to things all the time it sucks that this is becoming a consistent thing of them doing things together and not even asking me. like i wanna be social, and i wanna hang out but it’s as if i’m not good enough for them. and when i do hang out with either of them it’s always me who instigates the plans and if it’s all three of us they seem to not care about me. it doesn’t help that i’ve dropped out of in person college and am now doing everything online meaning i don’t get to see people in person on the day to day. i just feel so unwanted and unworthy. i wish i knew what was so wrong with me that i’m never anyone’s first choice, or why even for the people i’ve always been there couldn’t seem to care less about me. it just really sucks. anyway, i feel like i need advice on how to improve my relationships with them or make new friends? like what do i even do in this situation? i’ve been friends with both of them for like five years and don’t want to drop them, it’s just getting so tiring.

(also added context for how they’ve become so close. girl 1 (let’s call them) started a fwb relationship and hooked up a couple times with girl 2s ex boyfriend of two years not even a month after they had broken up and didn’t tell her until six months later. i supported girl 2 after her finding out and was still there for girl 1 to talk things through. and then girl 2 decided to forgive and forget because girl 1 refused to apologise and they both acted like nothing happened.)

and extra added info. girl 1 has been my friend for the longest out of the two and i feel like i’ve always just been her convenient friend. like we’ve always been best friends by there was always still someone else who she wanted to be besties with and would start to hang out with more once they showed interest. and whenever she’s fallen out with these people it’s then that she messages me more again. i’ve tried to bring it up with her before but she gets very angry and defensive so i just move on and pretend it’s ok, but it’s hard as well being friends with her because it conflicts a lot of my just basic morals of always taking accountability. but again i can’t bring myself to drop her as a friend because she still means so much to me.

sorry to rant but i just needed to get it off my chest and hopefully get some older sister advice (it’s completely ok though if you dont wanna answer, i know it’s a lot). <3

ahh this is hard and why groups of 3 can be rough sometimes. have you talked to them about how you’re feeling? or maybe if there’s one you feel closer to or more comfortable with you could start there? it’s possible they aren’t even aware of how their behavior is coming off or maybe they are but still having a conversation might help you feel like you know what’s happening at least. and if you don’t think the friendships are adding to your life and making you feel good, then i would try to distance yourself from them. as hard as it may be, you might find that new friendships form when you take a step back from the current ones. sending you a big hug bc i know how shitty these types of situations feel and i hope things work out okay

#asks

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mci-writing · 5 years ago

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hey, do you know cuter-than-a-corgi-butt? well, you see, im corey lewis, the one who kept requesting yan!shinso from her. do you have any idea what happened to her? she deleted her account, is all the information i currently can get, i haven't been able to check up on her lately, i've been too busy with college. if you have any information, please tell me. im worried about her and i miss her. all that anon she got makes me want to cry; nobody fucking deserves that guys, stop it. please.

(Sorry to any and all who get tagged out of nowhere. It's just a small writing rant on the woes of being a fanfic writer, soooo)

So, after talking to a few people, I found out that the anon hate got so bad that they were going to other blogs and saying she was writing smut for minors 🙄. I've been warily avoiding publicly talking about all the recent crap fandom writers have been getting, but I have to come out about it some time.

So, we all know about how Sav was getting crap because someone narrowly decided to try to make it out that she was talking shit about a set of fic writers that are all close (very popular ones might I add) and I'm going to just go ahead and come out and say that it was me talking about them, but not in the way you may think. @savnofilter has constantly been worried about @lady-bakuhoe @katsukisprincess and @burnedbyshoto and the constant ordeal of people coming to them for clout. If anything, she was just voicing her concerns for them and I was the one mainly complaining about the fandom only appreciating characters and concepts for a certain amount of time (to the point where other people who don't write anything that fits those guidelines are unable to get their work out there). The only reason Sav received hate for it was because everything was practically spun out of context and it's Sav's discord server. She then proceeded to take it and then tried talking things out with certain people so that there was no misunderstanding.

With Cuter-than-a-corgy-butt, she was new to writing smut and just wanted to get her work out there. She, like any other person just starting out, used tags she felt were appropriate to get her stuff out there. I'll admit, I barely knew her. I knew of her content and her blog, but other than that, I never really interacted with her. I did see her name in passing with people receiving terrible anon hate, but I had wrongly assumed things had simmered down only to find out today that she deleted her blog due to all of the anon harassment she received. It got so bad that anons were going to other people's blogs and saying she wrote smut for minors when she was aging the characters up. No one's even been able to get in contact with her and all we can really do is hope that she's feeling better, hope that she's fine.

Spice has been receiving similar treatment about tags to the point where there are times she's really discouraged to even continue with certain ideas.

I'm sorry that this answer is becoming what it is (and this is my second time going off in the fanfiction reader part of the community), but it needs to be said. WE WRITE THIS STUFF FOR FREE OUT OF OUR SPARE TIME FOR YOUR ENJOYMENT. INSTEAD OF SHITTING ON WRITERS FOR DUMB SHIT, HOW ABOUT YOU: FILTER YOUR TAGS, UNFOLLOW CERTAIN ACCOUNTS, BLOCK CERTAIN ACCOUNTS, OR REBLOG THE CONTENT YOU ACTUALLY ENJOY SO THAT TUMBLR CAN APPEASE YOUR TASTES BY PRESENTING SAID THINGS TO YOU. Yes, it's a tedious thing to do, but most of people's issues with this site would be fixed if you did all of that. It's bad enough that we have terrible like to reblog ratios in comparison to other parts of fandoms and quite a couple of us writers have left because of shit like this (i.e Coco and Cho and Corgy). The least you can do is make things easier for us is supporting the content creators you enjoy by reblogging, sending in nice messages to our inboxes or private messages, liking the posts you enjoy, or just spouting off about one of your favorite fics.

And one more thing because this is also a problem within the fandom: Just bc a set of writers appear to have beef with one another or some form of an issue doesn't mean you need to be a "White Knight" and take it upon yourself to deal with the issue by sending anon hate. Like, if you're gonna send hate regardless, do it off anon, you pusillanimous. Either way, 9 times out of 10, you have no idea what the situation between them is. Even if one person tells you to go crap on the other, have common sense and don't. The internet is dangerous and crappy and toxic enough without your extra two cents. If you want to tell a creator you saw someone talking about them in what you may assume is ill-manner, don't do it where everyone and their mother, brother, and sister can see. There are private messages for a reason.

And last, but certainly not least, send your favorite content creators the love and appreciation they deserve. Tell them what you like about them, ask them about their day, send them numerous hearts in their inbox, something! It means a lot more than you think.

Writers to send love to from off the top of my head (more may be added later): @savnofilter @bxkulani @gottalovegrammar

@izukumidoriydamn @lady-bakuhoe @burnedbyshoto @katsukisprincess @sadistik

@sparkexplosive @trashy-persons-stuff @strawberryandspiceandchocolate

@wonderwomanfantasy @monst @humanitysfandomhoe @tooloudarts @lord-explosion-baku @disasteren @kbakugouwu

You bitches are all bitching (in the good way😤) and don't let anyone tell you otherwise 💗💗💗

#mci answers asks #writer woes #mci rambles #mci rants #writer rants #fandom disagreements #fandom discourse #bnha #mha #bnha x reader #mha x reader #mha x y/n #mha x you #mha x oc #bnha x oc #bnha x y/n #bnha x you

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thefigureinthecorner · 5 years ago

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tama-rrow will be kinder- an am archives playlist

at least 3 months and 31 songs later and this monster of a playlist finally has a cover hell yeah

the pun title is....... literally the only fun thing about this playlist, actually.

song notes, and also spoilers, under the cut

a lot of these songs are mood songs; the lyrics don’t have a whole lot of relevance. most of them do have at least some lyrical relevance, though, provided that the song has any lyrics at all. it’s p much just the songs that helped me draw all that Good Good Angst

also important to note: I started making it after episode 9, so it’s mostly relevant to the back half of the show, and especially to the last couple of episodes.

again, this is 31 songs and over 2 hours long, so the notes are........ kind of long

Ghosts That We Knew - Mumford & Sons

So give me hope in the darkness that I will see the light/'Cause oh that gave me such a fright/But I will hold as long as you like/Just promise me we'll be alright

Desert Song - My Chemical Romance

this is one of those songs that’s there primarily for mood reasons; i added it right after episode 9 came out and it was on loop pretty much the whole time i was drawing stuff for that episode. the lyrics are kinda relevant, but not enough for me to pull out any specific lines.

The World Is Ugly - My Chemical Romance

this was added for mood reasons after 9, but then it became relevant.

I just wanted you to know/That the world is ugly/But you're beautiful to me/Are you thinking of me/Like I'm thinking of you/I would say I'm sorry, though/Though I really need to go

The Light Behind Your Eyes - My Chemical Romance

yes, there are three mcr songs in a row, and no, i’m not gonna apologize for that. the am archives slam dunked me right back into my emo phase. also, this song just straight-up hurts. like, the whole thing.

If I could be with you tonight/I would sing you to sleep/Never let them take the light behind your eyes/I failed and lost this fight/Never fade in the dark/Just remember you will always burn as bright

In Case You Don't Live Forever - Ben Platt

my one note for this song is: ow.

I've waited way too long to say/Everything you mean to me/In case you don't live forever, let me tell you now/I love you more than you'll ever wrap your head around/In case you don't live forever, let me tell you the truth/I'm everything that I am because of you

Spanish Sahara - Foals

this one’s another mood song, but it does have some lines that work; the forget the horror here sections are the biggest reason this song ended up on the playlist, actually, mood aside.

Hot Gates - Mumford & Sons

mood mostly, but also:

And I can't be for you all of the things you want me to/But I will love you constantly/There's precious little else to me/And though we cry, we must stay alive

Iridescent - Linkin Park

When you were standing in the wake of devastation When you were waiting on the edge of the unknown And with the cataclysm raining down, insides crying save me now You were there impossibly alone

Do you feel cold and lost in desperation You build up hope but failure's all you've known Remember all the sadness and frustration And let it go, let it go

Gone Away - SafetySuit

again: ow.

i just... go look at the lyrics. do it. it hurts.

POWERLESS - Linkin Park

it’s mostly here for mood, but the lyrics feel relevant in a way that i can’t pinpoint but it’s a way that hurts.

Daylight - Boyce Avenue

i have other connections to this specific cover of this song that make it Extra Painful but like Daylight started playing literally right after Crazy while i was at CVS and i was like hey hi excuse me i just wanted to get some Arizona w h y

anyway.

Here I am staring at your perfection/In my arms, so beautiful/The sky is getting bright, the stars are burning out/Somebody slow it down/This is way too hard/'Cause I know, when the sun comes up/I will leave, this is my last glance/That will soon be memory

Chasing Cars - Snow Patrol

ah. the Quintessential Sad Medical Drama Song. not that tama is a medical drama but like it kinda gave me those vibes at times?? anyway. it’s here for mood more than anything but there are some lyrics in it that hurt

The Winner Takes It All - ABBA

not even abba is safe from tama angst.

no seriously though i got this song stuck in my head and had an aw fuck come on seriously???? ABBA?????? you’re making ABBA hurt???????? moment

re: joan and owen

The gods may throw a dice/Their minds as cold as ice/And someone way down here/Loses someone dear/The winner takes it all/The loser has to fall/It's simple and it's plain/Why should I complain

and re: joan and wadsworth

I don't want to talk/If it makes you feel sad/And I understand/You've come to shake my hand/I apologize/If it makes you feel bad/Seeing me so tense/No self-confidence/But you see/The winner takes it all

I Of The Storm - Of Monsters and Men

Are you really gonna love me when I'm gone?/I fear you won't/I fear you don't/And it echoes when I breathe/Until all you see is my ghost/Empty vessel, crooked teeth/Wish you could see/And they call me under/And I'm shaking like a leaf/And they call me under/And I wither underneath

Hail To Whatever You Found In The Sunlight That Surrounds You - Rilo Kiley

this one is 100% a mood song. i’ve debated taking it off the playlist but it just... gets me in the right headspace for drawing tama art, i guess?? something about the sadness/anxiety in the song or something i think

Fear - Sleeping At Last

it’s instrumental, so yeah, mood song

For Good - Wicked

i’ve made art based on this song, but i didn’t even use the lyrics that actually hurt the most?

And just to clear the air/I ask forgiveness/For the things I've done you blame me for

But then, I guess we know/There's blame to share

And none of it seems to matter anymore

Empty Chairs At Empty Tables - Les Miserables

yeah so realizing how well this song fit kind of felt like what i would imagine getting hit by a train feels like

the whole song fits. just trust me on this.

All Gone (No Escape) - Gustavo Santaolalla

another instrumental one that’s mood-only, but i was rewatching a last of us playthrough as a reference for a thing and this song popped up towards the end and i was like “ah, that hurts, i need it”

All Is Well (It's Only Blood) - Radical Face

y’know what? the song’s pretty short. have all the lyrics, and i’m sorry.

All is well now Pay no mind All is well now I'm just fine I'm just fine It's only blood; I have plenty left It's only blood; I just need to rest I said I'd fix this That I'd set things straight You begged me not to But I couldn't stay Couldn't wait They cut me up, but I did them worse And I'll be fine, I just need to rest All is well now All is well now All is well now All is well now

......yeah.

when i heard it, i swear to god it replicated that exact sinking feeling i felt in the pit of my stomach when i first listened to episode 15. it fits way too well, and i have too many feelings about this song, and hhhhhhh

After the Storm - Mumford & Sons

And I won't die alone and be left there Well I guess I'll just go home, Oh God knows where Because death is just so full and man so small Well I'm scared of what's behind and what's before

The Trapeze Swinger - Iron & Wine

someone in the tag mentioned this song and i’ve been crying over it ever since

it’s just. 9 minutes of jesus christ, ow, what the fuck

Winter Song - The Head and the Heart

this one’s mostly here for mood, but some of the lyrics do fit and they hurt, like “we’re just praying that we’re doing this right/but that’s not the way it seems��; joan realizing that she’s been going about the tier 5 clear out the wrong way and the costly mistakes that come with that.

Touch - Sleeping At Last

i think this one’s mostly for the mood, but there’s something in the lyrics that make me think of joan in the finale; that kind of numb, “none of this feels real” denial of everything that’s happened both to her and to the people she loves.

Silhouette - Owl City

this song hurts especially in the context of the “i need you to be happy” line, i think; the line changing between “will i ever feel again//will i ever smile again//will i ever love again” is just, like, a trifecta of pain

The fire I began, is burning me alive But I know better than to leave and let it die I'm a silhouette asking every now and then Is it over yet? Will I ever smile again? I'm a silhouette chasing rainbows on my own But the more I try to move on the more I feel alone So I watch the summer stars to lead me home

All Is Well (Goodbye, Goodbye) - Radical Face

fun fact! all is well (it’s only blood) has a companion song!! because you know what’s better than one angst? two angst!!

And I have lost your face It slips between my fingers now And all the world is gray As though you took the colors with you When you went and passed away

It's So Hard To Say Goodbye To Yesterday - Jason Mraz

this one’s on my joan/owen playlist too, but it hurt too much to not put it here.

And if we get to see tomorrow I hope it's worth all the wait It's hard to say goodbye to yesterday

And I'll take with me the memories To be my sunshine after the rain It's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday

Cradle and All - Audra McDonald

i’m just sitting here, innocently listening to joan’s playlist, when this song pops up and i’m like aw fuck aw shit no goddammit

It's not like he didn't love, no, that I couldn’t conceive There are many ways a man can stay And many ways that he can leave

Oh hush, oh hush, don't be scared I know that you tried, I know cared Let's put it behind us, that noise in the hall

We All Go the Same - Radical Face

i’ve made art for this song, too! it hurts. it’s sad. it’s about death. it’s got sad piano. what more explanation do you want

Light In The Hallway - Pentatonix

it’s.... comforting in a sad way, idk. it felt like it fit, especially towards the end of this playlist.

Tomorrow Will Be Kinder - The Secret Sisters this song is kind of like... sad and optimistic at the same time. i wanted to end this playlist on at least kind of a lighter note, and i think this song does that. it works with the finale; sad, not quite recovered, but still looking towards the future and knowing things can still be better despite every terrible thing that’s happened.

also, it’s where the pun title comes from.

Sorrow weighs my shoulders down And trouble haunts my mind But I know the present will not last And tomorrow will be kinder

Tomorrow will be kinder It's true, I've seen it before A brighter day is coming my way Yes, tomorrow will be kinder

Today I've cried a many tear And pain is in my heart Around me lies a somber scene I don't know where to start

#the bright sessions #the am archives #am archives spoilers #joan bright #agent green #sam barnes #helen #ellie wadsworth

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blackpoliglota · 5 years ago

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40 Essential Mandarin Sentence Patterns, Pt. 1

大家好嗎？今天我會復習七個句式。Like I mentioned in my last Mandarin post, I’m going to use the grammar points presented in the 42 Essential Sentence Patterns - Intermediate Chinese Listening Practice | HSK Grammar video to kick-start my grammar review (even though there are really 40... unless i skipped over some LOL), starting with the first 7 sentence patterns:

#1 - 是。。。的

This pattern is used to put emphasis on the place, time or manner during which an action takes place.

Ex. 1 (Place):

A: 你從非洲來這兒? (Trans. “Are you from Africa?”)

B: 。。。不對，我是從美國來這兒的。(Trans. “...No, I'm from the US.” 🙄)

In affirmative sentences 是 can be, and usually is, omitted.

Ex. 2 (Time):

原來我早上八點氣床，但是現在我(是)下午二點起床的。(Trans. “I used to wake up at 8am, now I wake up at 2pm.” 😭)

However, in negative sentences 是 CANNOT be omitted.

Ex. 3 (Manner):

我不是發給父母電子郵件的；給他們打電話。(Trans. “I don’t talk to my parents by email; I call them.”)

#2 - 雖然。。。但是

Translation: “Although . . . but”

According to the video – which explains it very simply yet nicely – the “but” for this expression in English is dropped, but it’s NOT DROPPED in Mandarin. I remember this structure giving me a little bit of trouble when I first learned it; I never understood why I needed 雖然, but I just sucked it up and memorized the pattern as it is, haha.

Ex. 1:

雖然把普通話學了九年，但是我還說不好。 (Trans. “Although I’ve studied Mandarin for 9 years, I still don’t speak it well.”)

Ex. 2:

雖然藍色是我的喜愛的顏色，但是幾乎所有的衣服不是藍色的。(Trans. “Although blue is my favorite color, most of my clothes aren’t that color.”)

#3 - 如果。。。就

Translation: “If . . . then”

Here we have the lovely “if -then” statement, or better known as a conditional statement. Luckily for me and other fellow romance language students, there’s no 1st, 2nd, 3rd conditional nonsense when it comes to Mandarin (gracias á Dios 🙏🏾)! You can use this structure with either one subject or more.

Ex. 1 (One subject):

如果你很累，就睡覺。 (Trans. “If you’re tired then go to sleep.”)

Ex. 2 (Two subjects):

如果你再丟你的手機，我就不會再買一個新的。 (Trans. “If you lose your phone again, I won’t buy you another one.”)

#4 - 一。。。就

Translation: “As soon as”

Just like the last grammar structure, this one can be used with one or more subjects.

Ex. 1 (One subject):

我一回去家，就吃晚飯；我這麼餓！ (Trans. “As soon as I get back home I’m going to eat dinner; I’m so hungry!”)

Ex. 2 (Two subjects):

張小姐一來到城市，我們就接她。 (Trans. “As soon as Ms. Zhang arrives in the city, we’ll welcome her.”)

#5 - 跟。。。一樣

This structure is what I’d use to compare the likeness of two things. It can be used to express whether two things are the same or not (as in example #1), or to express a specific attribute that two things share or don’t share (as in example #2).

Ex. 1:

我妹妹的鞋子跟我的一樣。(Trans. “My sister’s shoes and mine are the same.”)

我妹妹的鞋子跟我的不一樣。(Trans. “My sister’s shoes and mine are not the same.”)

Ex. 2:

我媽媽做的餃子跟我阿姨做的一樣好吃。(Trans. “My mom’s dumplings and my aunt’s are equally delicious.”)

我媽媽做的餃子跟我阿姨做的不一樣好吃。(Trans. “My mom’s dumplings and my aunt’s are not equally delicious.”)

#6 - 離。。。（很）遠/進

When talking about location, this is structure that’s used. I remember having a bit of trouble with this one as well when it came to translation exercises for homework and for tests, not being able to figure out which of the two places to put first. But now that I know to keep reminding myself that translation does not work in a literal manner, I've gotten a little better at translating seemingly confusing structures like this one.

Ex. 1:

他的家離學校很近。(Trans. “His house is very close to the school.”)

Ex. 2:

你的宿舍離健身房遠不遠嗎？(Trans. “Your dorm isn’t far from the gym, is it?”)

You can also use this structure to ask how far away a place is by switching the second half of this structure to “(有)多遠”. Using the “有” is optional, hence the parentheses.

Ex. 3:

學校離電影院有多遠？(Trans. “How far is the cinema from school?”)

Ex. 4:

這裡離最近的地鐵站多遠？(Trans. “How far is the closest subway station?”)

**Took this one directly from the video; I came up with my own examples so far to practice a bit myself while making this post, but I really liked this one from the video, and thus decided to use it.

#7 - 因為。。。所以。。。

Translation: “Because... , therefore...”

Okay y’all last one for this post!! This structure for me is like #2′s “雖然。。。但是” in that I didn’t understand why “所以” was added on since in English we’d drop this constituent (”this constituent” being therefore) as well. In the end, like for #2, I just went with it and memorized the pattern as such.

Ex. 1:

因為他不能試試攤子的菜，所以有點兒懊惱。(Trans. “He’s a little upset because he didn’t get to try the street food”)

Ex. 2:

因為他又丟了手機，所以他媽媽不會被他買別的。(Trans. “Because he lost his phone again, his mom won’t buy him a new one.”)

Annnnd that concludes Part 1 of my review of Mandarin sentence patterns based off of the 42 Essential Patterns video linked above and embedded in this post! Hope my fellow Mandarin learners can benefit from both the video and this series. If you need anymore help with understanding the actual sentence structures explored here, I have formulas typed up under the “Keep Reading” tab 😁 Until next time!

乾杯！(Gān bēi) 🥂

Sentence Structure Formulas

#1 - 是。。。的

Ex. 1 (Place): Subject (S) + 是 + Place + Verb Phrase (VP) + 的

Ex. 2 (Time): S + 是 + Time + V + 的

Ex. 3 (Manner): S + 不是 + Manner + VP + 的

***As you can see, almost the entire sentence – save for the subject – in place between 是 and 的.

#2 - 雖然。。。但是

Ex. 1: 雖然 + 把 + O + VP1 + 但是 + S + VP2

***This is a rather complicated formula that goes with a complicated example sentence, but the next one is much simpler... one you can actually use as a model formula for future study, haha 😅

Ex. 2: 雖然 + S1 + VP1 + 但是 + S2 + VP2

#3 - 如果。。。就

Ex. 1 (One subject): 如果 + S + V1 + 就 + V2

Ex. 2 (Two subjects): 如果 S1 + VP1 + S2 + 就 + VP2

#4 - 一。。。就

***For example #1′s structure I didn’t put the phrase that comes after the semicolon since it’s just extra information I added for context; it doesn’t affect the formula in any way.

Ex. 1 (One subject): S + 一 + VP1 + 就 + VP2

Ex. 2 (Two subjects): S1 + 一 + VP1 + S2 + 就 + VP2

#5 - 跟。。。一樣

Ex. 1: S1 + 跟 + S2 + (不)一樣

Ex. 2: S1 + 跟 + S2 + (不)一樣 + Adjective (Adj.)

#6 - 離。。。（很）遠/進

Ex. 1: Place1 + 離 + Place2 + (很)遠/進

*** The next formula is specifically for a yes/no question.

Ex. 2: Place1 + 離 + Place2 + 遠/進 + 不 + 遠/進 + 嗎?

***The next formula is for asking for a specific answer: the distance between two places.

Ex. 3 & 4: Place1 + 離 + Place2 + (有) + 多遠?

#7 - 因為。。。所以。。。

Ex. 1 (One subject): 因為 + S + VP + 所以 + VP

Ex. 2 (Two subjects): 因為 + S + VP + 所以 + S2 + VP

#Mandarin #普通話 #Grammar #語法 #Traditional Character #繁體字 #Black Linguist #NOLA in the house #⚜️⚜️⚜️#Langblr #Studyblr #Original Post

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sultrysirens · 4 years ago

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Blue Blood [Part 15]

Universe: Detroit: Become Human

Rating: PG-13 (swearing)

Characters: Connor, Evelyn (OC)

Tags: interspecies, romance, fluff, detective, law enforcement, original character, continuation, sex

[>>>MASTERLIST<<<]

[<<<BACK<<<]

[>>>NEXT>>>]

“Well, that was...an adventure,” Evelyn noted as they departed.

“And informative,” Connor added, thoughtful.

“Yeah? Anything in particular come to light?” she prompted. They pulled out of the estate’s grounds and were back on the main road quickly, the destination: her apartment. They’d done more than enough investigating for one day, a simple arrest leading to looking for a missing person leading to a chat with the matron of a powerful crime family.

Forbes obviously needed her weekend break by now, he assumed, so he was fine with letting the trail be for now. They could pick it up again tomorrow.

Glancing at her, he said, “I think Elias and Émelie were lovers.”

She nodded. “I was getting that impression, too.”

“Unless Elias crossed her somehow, I don’t see a motive for her being involved in his death,” he went on.

“Hugo might have,” she suggested. “If they were lovers and he found out...”

“It’s possible,” he agreed. “But I don’t think Hugo would’ve cared. It seems their marriage is more one of business than romance.”

She inclined her head. “It’s very common. Especially with that comment Émelie made -- about Hugo being ‘overjoyed’ that a woman is interested in him.”

“Extra-marital affairs,” he said.

“Or an open marriage,” Evelyn offered. “Those are pretty common these days, too.” They were both quiet for a moment, then, before she checked, “Find anything of note while you were looking around?”

He shook his head. “Nothing possibly crime-related. No recent blood stains, footprints out of place, nothing in the air...the house, at least, is crime-free.”

“Unless everything is digital,” she noted.

“Likely. I found it odd there wasn’t a computer in the study -- just a TV set.”

“And how close the desk was to it -- I’m betting there was something behind there, the TV was just a better mask than a painting would be.”

“Heavier, harder to move, more innocent -- I can see it,” he agreed.

“I’ll just file that one away for later,” she said, “in case we ever raid the place.”

Smart. He’d already done so by the time she verbally declared it. There was something intriguing, even comforting, about the knowledge that they followed the same train of thought, he noted.

Like they really weren’t all that different, androids and humans.

He asked then, “So...you know French?” He was impressed.

She laughed. “Actually, no -- that was a bluff. I know two sentences in French. That was one.”

Amused, he asked, “And what’s the other?”

She grinned and, between chuckles, forced out, “Où sont les toilettes?”

Where is the bathroom?

He laughed. Of course she’d know one profound statement -- and a ridiculous query. “Well, your pronunciation is fairly accurate,” he noted.

She shook her head. “Yeah, I practiced that.”

“Why?” he prompted. “What drove you to learn exactly two phrases, and those two in particular?”

Chuckling again, she answered, “I-I didn’t, really. I picked them up from TV. Films, I think. I do this thing sometimes where I’ll repeat foreign languages, try to work out the pronunciation. And sometimes they stick.”

“And those two stuck?” he checked, doubtful.

“Yeah. The former cause it was difficult so it took a lot of work, the latter cause it was so simple,” she explained.

“Your mind is a curious thing,” he noted.

“From my perspective, my mind is fine. Yours is the curious one,” she countered.

A fair point, he agreed. He doubted humans and androids would ever fully understand each other; as he understood it, the way they thought was entirely different despite the many similarities. His thoughts could be broken down into Binary if he dug deep enough, he was sure, and he was actively recording everything he saw and heard as video and audio files.

Humans often thought either in pictures and sounds or words, some of them hearing their thoughts as verbal communication and others only as abstract intention. Neither aligned very well with how androids thought.

They were so different in their cores, humans and androids, despite how visually similar they were.

That thought managed to loop back around to another from earlier that day, and he asked, “May I ask you a personal question?”

She smirked, amused. “Let me just answer that indefinitely: yes, you can ask. Whether or not I answer is another matter, but you can always ask.”

That was good to know. “Your leg,” he began, “you said there were metal pins in the bones?”

She hesitated, that simple inaction telling him a great deal -- namely that this was a very sensitive subject. He could understand that, he thought; she must’ve faced a great deal of trauma to have received such a wound. Psychological after-effects were common to the point of being expected.

At length, she offered, “Uh...yeah. Old wound, permanent damage,” she hinted.

He absorbed that, thoughtful, then ventured, “May I ask what happened?”

She gave a smile, but it was strained -- tense. “Accident involving a tower of weights. They fell over on top of me. My leg got the worst of it. Woke up three days later in a hospital bed.”

That...definitely sounded traumatic, he admitted. “Where did this happen, Brass Balls?” he asked, concerned. If this happened at that shop...well, he already knew it was barely up to code. This would be the kind of thing to shut it down, and...thinking of Quincy...he really didn’t want to do that.

Nowadays his gym is his family, Evelyn had said.

Connor didn’t want to be the one to take that away.

Shaking her head, she hedged, “No, this was...before I graduated. Had this...injury...my whole adult life.”

Her pauses, hesitating over certain words, got his attention more than what she was saying. She was implying much deeper psychological damage than she realized, he thought -- possibly more than she was aware of, herself.

And he found himself both impressed and confused as to how she would’ve ended up an officer with such issues. Officers had to have pristine physical health to get accepted; Evelyn had a bad leg, it seemed. Yet, he’d never seen her limping or displaying such an injury. The only time she favored her leg was when she was sparring, and even then she was just keeping it out of danger.

He noted, “You don’t seem to be bothered by it.”

“It doesn’t slow me down, if that’s what you mean,” she returned. “I just try to stay conscious of it.”

Hesitating, he asked, “Does it hurt?”

At once, he could feel her tension skyrocket. It was such a bizarre thing -- she barely changed in a physical sense, only her throat giving a strain before relaxing again, yet he was aware of just how much that question had distressed her.

She answered, subdued, “Sometimes.”

Sometimes, he repeated. The way she said that made him think that it didn’t hurt often -- but when it did, it was very painful.

In his mind, he tried to construct how her leg might be functioning based on the information he’d been given, and ultimately he determined that either the pins could fall out of alignment -- or she’d suffered nerve damage and sometimes it acted up.

Either would account for sudden, unpredictable spikes of pain, he thought. And he made a decision then to keep an eye on her, just in case she fell prey to those surges when he was around. He wasn’t exactly built with physical therapy in mind, so he couldn’t offer a great deal of help, but he’d do whatever she needed.

Then she said, more sharply, “About this...I need you to not talk about it. Don’t bring it up with anyone.”

Surprised, he checked, “At the precinct?”

“In general,” she corrected. “No one knows -- I don’t want anyone to know. Outside of my family, it’s -- it doesn’t exist.”

He could see that, he thought. If it came to light that her leg was permanently damaged, she might lose her job. She’d told him that it was her career that kept her going, kept her from falling into depression. It was clearly vital to her, and more so, she was a fantastic officer.

Her case history was more than enough to prove that, but over the last few days he’d seen some of it in action. Even visibly exhausted and overworked, she’d still managed two-hour drives and active chases and hours of research. Her work ethic was admirable.

She was valuable in this profession.

“Alright,” he agreed easily. “I won’t bring it up. For context, though, may I ask who does know?”

“My parents and my sisters -- sister,” she corrected.

He sidestepped that particular landmine, checking, “Then, your husband...?”

“Doesn’t know,” she confirmed with a nod. “I never told him.”

Curious, he asked, “Why not?”

She hesitated over that question, hedging, and after a few moments of struggling for a response, she said, “Plead the fifth.”

...Noted.

That was highly suspicious, but he supposed everyone had their secrets. It wasn’t his place to pick apart her brain and try to figure out why she chose to keep some things quiet over others. She had her reasons, he was sure -- and those reasons were probably traumatic. Best not to prod at them.

Nodding, he relented, replying, “Then I take it you never wanted me to know, either.”

She inclined her head. “Not really. But there wasn’t anything to be done about it. Metal detectors are my bane.”

His, too. “I wasn’t certain I’d set it off,” he said, thoughtful. “I would’ve thought CyberLife would’ve found a way to prevent that by now -- they already succeeded in protecting us from electricity, so it seemed logical.”

“Well, are you magnetic?” she asked.

“No.”

“That’s probably about as much protection as they felt you needed,” she said. “Unaffected by electricity and magnets -- boom, you’re safe from all the big things. Keeping you from setting off metal detectors was probably determined as being a luxury, and lord knows big companies aren’t keen on providing luxuries.”

He could definitely see that.

“I’m surprised you set off the metal detector, too,” she began. “I thought you were plastic?”

“Externally, yes,” he agreed, “but internally there’s still metal casing and things similar to bones.” Patting his chest, he explained, “Keeps everything sturdy and in place.”

“Makes sense,” she noted, nodding. “So you have, like, a rib cage?”

“Not so much. More of just a spine, shoulders, arms, legs...the frame is simplistic. Its design is more to keep all our biocomponents and parts in place while keeping us light in weight.”

“Cool.”

He smirked, amused.

They fell into small talk then, mostly Evelyn sharing information about L.A., which he appreciated. He could look up the history of the city from its founding in 1835 or even earlier, but none of that would account for a citizen’s perspective. Her insight was invaluable.

The most important things were obviously how the city functioned currently, but he was curious about everything. Like Detroit, it had a storied past, entire books written about this one city. So old and intrinsic to the U.S. as they both were, they were living monuments of human achievement and persistence.

Evelyn didn’t know much beyond when she’d begun working at the precinct a decade earlier, but it was more than enough to get him up to speed. Combined with his foot tour the day prior and he was compiling a great deal of information about the city as a whole.

It was a contradiction, this city -- simultaneously one of the richest and poorest of U.S. cities. The SubTube had seen to that, he thought, at once both despondent and impressed with the transportation achievement. Its speed and capability were incredible and priceless, but the effects L.A.’s populace were suffering for its release was...painful.

He was worried Evelyn would end up one of those displaced by its appearance. It would be a disaster, both for her and all those she helped on a daily basis. He could only hope that, if it came to that, her husband would be able to keep her off the streets.

Following that thought, he asked, “Detective? What does your husband do? He’s employed, correct?”

She seemed surprised by the question but answered, “Yeah. He’s a manager at a hotel. La Esencia,” she explained.

He ran a quick search on it, concluding it’d been built in 2027. Reviews stated it was smaller but comfortable, four stories tall with ten-to-fourteen rooms on each floor. It was ranked as four-star and just recently began plans to expand out of L.A.

What had begun as one hotel became three in 2033, then six in 2038, and now it’d been announced that they were going to start opening hotels across the country. Construction had yet to begin.

And Richard Sinclair was the manager at one location, it seemed.

“That’s likely lucrative,” he noted.

“It certainly was,” she agreed.

Curious, he checked, “What changed?”

“The revolution,” she answered. “Most of the employees had been androids. Richard said only two came back after everything settled -- cut down from thirty-two,” she hinted. “The workload on all of them has skyrocketed.”

A little shocked, he checked, “Did he not have any human employees?”

“Six, yeah, and they’re still on,” she agreed, “but they’ve all had to take on heavier loads. Granted, tourism plummeted in the last month, too, so they’re not having to wrangle the raw numbers they once had, but still. It’s hard on them.”

And Connor heard the sympathy in her voice as she spoke, the almost reluctant affection. She was concerned, he realized.

“You’re worried about him,” he concluded.

Her shoulders dipped a fraction. “Yeah. I worry. He used to run the front desk, then worked his way up to manager. He knows the ins and outs of every part of the job. But that just means he can -- and will -- do everything.”

Drawing a picture, he suggested, “And you’re concerned he’ll hurt himself doing so.”

“He’s hurt himself before, doing so,” she answered quietly. Shaking her head, she said, “He works too hard sometimes. He messed up his knee just from how much walking he does around the hotel.”

And now Connor was seeing a parallel between husband and wife. Both of them seemed to be very hard workers, willing to put themselves through Hell for their careers.

With a sigh, she went on, “From a personal standpoint, the revolution happened at a terrible time. It’s bad enough just being separated like this -- and now we’re both bogged down with extra work on top of it. It’s chaos, everywhere, and we can’t even be there for each other...”

Sympathetic but not apologetic, he replied, “I won’t apologize. We needed our freedom. But I feel for your individual situation.”

She gave the barest smile, reaching over to give his shoulder a rub. “I don’t expect apologies. And I agree with you, Connor. None of this is your fault,” she told him, “except all the good parts.”

It was surprising, how much relief he felt from that simple statement. “Thank you,” he said, sincere.

Her smile warmed, then, and she replied, “Thank you, too.”

Touched, he could only respond, “You’re welcome.”

The rest of the day passed quietly -- which, after the last few days, was preferred. It was barely four in the afternoon when they made it back to the apartment, and Evelyn was more than ready to get in some relaxation. Connor, on the other hand, never quite stopped thinking about the case.

She made herself a late lunch, then sat down to catch up on the news. He watched absently, his mind elsewhere, ultimately concluding that nothing worthy of national news had occurred since yesterday evening. He did, however, catch a brief news report about “the first android assault case” in L.A.

Evelyn glanced over at him with a smirk. “See? Told you there’d be a statement.”

He couldn’t withhold a grin, pleased. She’d been right. Then, settling on a different thought, he said, “I’m curious about something.”

“Wassat?” she prompted.

“Have you ever...had an android?” he asked her, though he had difficulty with the phrasing. He found he couldn’t ask if she’d owned an android, the very idea scraping at him.

She shook her head. “No, actually, funny though that might sound.”

“Why would that sound funny?” he wondered.

“Cause these days, pretty much every human bought at least one android,” she pointed out.

“Yet there were only 120 million across the planet,” he countered. Now closer to 100 million, he knew, but he opted not to think about that.

“Fair point. The answer is no,” she told him.

“So you’ve never had an android?” he pressed. It wasn’t that he doubted her, he just wanted to be sure. He told himself as much.

“Nope. Never.” Then, waving her hand, she corrected, “Well, Richard did, when I first met him. A secretary,” she explained. “Named her Joanne.”

“But he didn’t keep her?” Connor checked.

Shaking her head, Evelyn explained, “I told him I wasn’t comfortable, having an android in the house. So he sold her. No idea what happened to her since,” she said, a note of melancholy to her voice.

He felt a bit the same, a part of him wondering what happened to Joanne and if she was even still alive after all this time. Generally androids didn’t last that long, either due to being replaced or mistreated until killed.

A memory rose to the fore: Eden Club, the back room, androids of numerous appearances standing in lines to be diagnosed after sustaining damage. At the time he’d had other focus, had felt indifferent to the sight, but Hank’s horror and the perspective of hindsight painted a different picture. Now he felt...sorrow, a yearning to go back and help those he couldn’t at the time.

He hoped Joanne had found a better life.

But, for now, he tried to stay in the present. “You weren’t comfortable?” he echoed, confused to hear Evelyn having that reaction to androids. He pointed out, “You’re fine with me.”

“You’re my partner,” she told him. “Joanne was a...servant. I don’t like that -- never did. Don’t like being served, like I’m incapable of handling my own affairs. I got why he bought Joanne in the first place, though -- running a hotel isn’t easy. Secretaries help. I told him I’d feel better if he hired a human rather than use an android, he said androids are better with computing -- we argued,” she hinted. “Ultimately I got my way...and I’ve regretted it ever since.”

Concerned, Connor asked, “Why?”

Shaking her head, she explained, “I put my comfort over her safety. Richard’s a gentle one,” she told him. “He never mistreated her and I wouldn’t have allowed it anyway. If I hadn’t been so pushy...I could’ve at least watched out for her. But, then,” she added wearily, “I couldn’t have predicted this: the revolution. How would I have known that she might’ve needed me?”

“Evie…” he murmured, a feeling of sorrow welling up. Her heart was too soft, too kind; she was clearly suffering in guilt for things that might’ve happened, and years after the fact.

She glanced over, pulled from wherever her mind had traveled, then said, “I guess there’s no point in worrying over it now. Can’t change the past, can’t predict the future...the only thing any of us can really do is try to be better than we were yesterday.”

Excellent point. “That’s a good philosophy,” he noted. “One everyone -- human and android alike -- would be wise to adopt.”

She gave a half-smile. “Evelyn Forbes, zen guru, full of pearls of wisdom,” she joked.

He chuckled. “Well, you are fifty-seven times older than I am,” he hinted.

“Oh -- oh, ow,” she complained, patting her chest. “Ugh, straight knives, right to the heart! How dare you,” she pouted.

He shrugged. “It’s the truth,” he tried. Then, as another thought came to him, he asked, “Had you ever thought about...buying an android?” That was difficult to ask, he found. The very implication that Evelyn might have bought an android went against the grain, given what he knew of her. But he admitted that people change, and the way she was now didn’t mean she wasn’t different before his arrival.

That took her by surprise. She answered, “Well...yeah, the idea crossed my mind. Plenty of times. Case in point, back in ‘35, for a while L.A. was obsessed with personal trainer androids, and I train on weekends, Tuesdays and Thursdays. It was a sensible idea,” she explained.

“But you decided against it,” he concluded.

She shrugged. “I didn’t really need it. Besides which, my routine is a source of pride for me. If I got help, started depending on an android to keep track of my progress -- well, there goes the whole point.”

“You have a lot of pride,” he commented.

“Noticed that, did you?”

“Day one,” he hinted.

She laughed. “Well, it’s not like I was keeping it secret.”

“Out of curiosity,” he said then, “what was it about androids that caused you so much irritation? Most humans seemed perfectly fine with, and even excited by, the prospect of android slaves.”

She paused, thoughtful, then replied, “The unofficial tagline -- do you know what it was?” He didn’t; he gestured to her to continue, and she answered, “‘You don’t wanna do it, have an android do it.’ At first I’m sure it seemed like a great idea. Hate doing dishes? Have an android do it. Hate washing clothes? Have an android do it. It went on. Hate cooking? Hate cleaning? I certainly do,” she added to herself. “And it spiraled from there.”

God, if it hadn’t, he agreed.

“Boring jobs turned into dangerous jobs turned into greed and from there into true, infinite laziness.” She shook her head. “Humans very quickly started using androids for absolutely everything. Housework, heavy labor, secretary work, policework,” she hinted, “and finally to sex. ‘What you don’t want to do’ turned into ‘literally every possible task’.”

“NASA had planned on sending androids to Jupiter with no return plan,” Connor noted. “They were designed to die, alone and stranded in space.”

“Were going to be,” she corrected. “Hopefully that plan was shelved.” After a moment’s pause, she added, “Do you know what really got me? Child-rearing androids,” she told him. “How...fucked up is that, that we consider raising our own kids something we don’t want to do?”

She was tense, he could see. This clearly scratched her deep. He tried, “Humans have had nannies for millennia. Is it really so strange, having someone else raise your children?”

“Not in that context, I guess,” she allowed, “but there’s still a key difference, Connor: choice. Any human can hire a nanny, pay them for their work -- instead they chose to buy an android and leave it at that.”

“I don’t expect as many people had that choice available to them as you think,” he argued. “If your choices are to buy an android for $900 or pay a human for the foreseeable future at a fixed rate, and you’re already struggling to hold a job, what choice is there?”

Shaking her head, she shot back, “You’re assuming anyone struggling to keep a job will just have $900 on hand at any point, and they don’t. The poor couldn’t afford to buy androids -- only the rich. And chances are, they have the time they need to raise their kids, they just find it unpalatable.”

“Maybe,” he allowed, “or maybe the poor had greater need, so they found a way to afford the costs.”

She inclined her head. “Cut corners, clipped coupons -- I can see that. But choice goes both ways. Humans can choose to be nannies, to raise children, because they enjoy it. We never gave androids the chance to enjoy anything -- just forced them into the roles we wanted.”

He considered that for a moment, then offered, “I suppose, on the scale of undesirable tasks, child-rearing is easily one of the best. I imagine if you gave every deviant the option to go back to their former lives, the ones most likely to do so would be nannies. There’s an inherent joy to it.”

That seemed to give her pause, and at length, she nodded. “I can see that. Raising children can be incredibly rewarding and even euphoric, depending on the person. Who’s to say androids wouldn’t enjoy it, too? For that matter, who’s to say how many androids had been perfectly happy with their lives before the revolution and would go back if given the chance?”

He couldn’t speak for all androids, but he’d quite enjoyed being a detective -- hence why he’d returned to this profession.

“But you’re still missing the biggest -- and arguably the worst -- android luxury there was,” she went on.

That had him curious. “Which was?”

Catching his gaze, she answered, “The YK500. Literally children you can program to behave exactly how you want them to. No worrying over hunger or struggling to get them into bed at night. All the love, none of the nasty surprises -- like waking up to hear your kid screaming in pain and finding they fell out of bed and broke their arm, or sudden illnesses cause they ate something they shouldn’t have, or puberty as a whole. No temper tantrums,” she hinted. “All the things that make raising kids actually worth it -- poof, gone.”

He couldn’t argue that one -- both because he had no idea what raising children entailed or what its rewards were, and because she’d made her point very concisely.

“That’s when I knew the decline of humanity was imminent,” she said. “It was always inevitable, but now it’s right on the horizon. We’ve reached the point where it was considered okay to have robots raising our kids while we raised robotic kids instead. Taking the easier path in every sense of the term.”

Something heavy and uncomfortable hit him then, right in the chest. Empathy, he wondered? Was he picking up on Evelyn’s obvious turmoil -- or was this his own?

“There’s no point, you know,” she told him. “No point to android kids except the phrase ‘I want’. Greed coupled with apathy -- I want kids, but I don’t want real kids with flaws and unpredictability. I want kids I can tell how to behave and they’ll do it. Just sheer obedience. Slave children,” she said, voice hard.

And he didn’t know how to respond to that. She was right -- at least about there being no point to android children. If the purpose behind androids was usefulness, then the YK500 had none. It certainly lent credence to the theory that there was more to android creation and marketing than what CyberLife claimed.

Most androids had a hypothesis about the truth by now. Among them: androids were meant to replace humanity; androids were meant to be immortal bodies for rich humans, they just needed to be good enough first; androids were meant to lead humans to a utopia of unrivaled bliss; androids were meant to supplant and destroy humans...the list went on.

Then again, maybe it really was all about money. That’s what Amanda had told him: that CyberLife’s goal was just to keep selling androids and making money. But then what? What happens after, when androids outnumber humans? What was the end goal? There was no way CyberLife didn’t have a plan for what comes next -- the question was what that plan was.

They were both quiet for a time, lost in their own thoughts, before Evelyn concluded, “Anyway, that’s why androids make me so uncomfortable. Not for what they are -- for what you are,” she told him, “but for what it represents for humans. The end,” she said, melancholy.

The end...of humanity? That’s what androids equated for her?

“Evie,” he murmured, hesitant. The decline of humanity is imminent, she’d said -- and this is what she meant? Not androids destroying humans, but humans allowing their own destruction through androids’ existence?

The future is going to go one of two ways, she’d said when they met. Either androids are going to grab us by the ears and pull us out of this hole, or they’re going to grab shovels and bury us.

“What is it you expect to happen?” he asked, cautious. Her signs of depression were stronger than ever before, and he knew how easily it could tip into suicidal thoughts. He needed to proceed carefully, get a feel for her mental state, and hopefully get her on steadier ground.

She shook her head. “I honestly couldn’t guess. Aside from the total decline of humanity,” she added, “but I expect that’ll occur regardless of android intervention rather than because of it. But for all I know that’ll take millennia yet.”

Still hesitant, he ventured, “You know most androids don’t want a war, right? Markus, especially -- after everything that’s happened, he truly believes that humans are good, as a whole. The bad ones just stand out more.”

“Negative affinity,” she mused. “Funny -- it’s one of humanity’s worst traits, and somehow we managed to give it to you, too.”

Negative affinity, he repeated: the condition of seeing bad things as worse than they are, largely because bad things are more rare than good ones and, thus, are less expected. Getting into a car accident or falling ill were noted because it happened comparatively rarely to successfully driving to your destination or having another perfectly healthy day.

“Or we developed it on our own,” he pointed out. “It’s useful for reminding ourselves how fragile the good days are -- and how much we should appreciate them.”

She glanced at him sideways. “Look who’s the zen guru now,” she teased.

He smiled.

[>>>NEXT>>>]

#siren nightshade #detroit: become human #dbh #blue blood #part 15 #interspecies #exophilia #romance #sfw

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