#add vanilla extract if you want to be fancy

[y-eontan]

make a shakerato

[scribefindegil]

Scribe's Favorite Hot Chocolate

(in case a comforting beverage will help stave off the existential despair)

You Will Need:

4 cups of your favorite milk

2 oz bittersweet chocolate (if you use Ghirardelli chips 2 oz is a third of a cup. you could use semisweet but you'd want to cut the sugar back by a tablespoon or so)

1/4 cup granulated sugar

1/2 tsp vanilla extract

tiny pinch of salt

optional but recommended: 1-2 cinnamon sticks and any other desired spices (when I'm feeling fancy I like to add a handful of whole peppercorns, a couple of cloves, and some cardamom pods. follow ur heart)

To Make:

Put the milk and spices in a pot on the stove over medium-low heat. Don't leave it alone; milk explodes if you let it fully boil!

Put the chocolate in a mug or bowl (I just use whatever mug I'll be drinking the cocoa out of) with just enough water to cover. Microwave for 30 seconds, then whisk until smooth. (This is to help the chocolate dissolve; if you put it straight into the milk pot instead of beautiful smooth cocoa you will get a lot of weird freckly chocolate bits)

When the milk just starts to steam (or when a single drop on the back of your hand feels uncomfortably hot), turn off the heat! Add sugar, vanilla, and salt, and stir until sugar dissolves. Then add the chocolate (if chocolate is too thick to pour, spoon a little hot milk in and stir to lighten it)

If you're using spices, let the hot chocolate sit for 5-10 minutes so the flavors continue to infuse

Enjoy and share with friends <3

If you don't drink it all you can keep leftovers in an airtight container in the fridge for a couple of days, but I don't usually have this problem

[docholligay]

Full video here:

And that is the end of Holligay's birthday Week! I hope you enjoyed! Please tell me if you did. Tonight, I am having my official birthday dinner with the family!

I would love to hear anything you specifically loved, and if you wanted to add anything:

You can tip me at either Ko-Fi, or,  since Ko-Fi has recently started running through Paypal as goods and  services, thus taking a fee from my tips, you can just directly tip me at Paypal under @docholligay (But  I recognize ko-fi allows for anon tips so I haven’t gotten rid of it)! If you’d like me to tag you with whatever I get with the tip, please leave a heart emoji in the comments!

If you’d like me to put it toward something certain, just let me know! I’d like to get myself

some new running gear

Dinner for Saturday night with the family so I don’t have to cook

A fancy vintage dress watch

If you’d like to contribute to any of those “buckets” just let me know in comments with your tip!

[comingfromastatechampionasshole]

Doc's Best In Goddamn Show Montana State Fair Coconut Cream Pie

As promised, the baked good that did the best, I'll release the recipe. This is one of my favorite pies of all time, hewed into a perfect custard-based pie that won me my first Best in Show rosette in nine years. And pies is even a tough category!

The other shocking thing: This is one of the easiest pies I make. It's very much "don't worry about it." It even tastes better if you make everything but the topping the day before serving.

“Doc, why don’t you use cream of coconut for the custard?” Friend, I tried for years to get that to work, only to find out that cream of coconut just does not bake up as nice as milk and cream, so I use a nice extract and toast the coconut to get the flavors. 

YOU WILL NEED:

A crust (I presume you can either make or buy a crust. I might even have a recipe here on the blog, I can’t remember) 

Pie: 

5 eggs

¾ cup caster/baker’s sugar 

2 cups of whole milk

½ cup half and half (I believe this is called half cream in the UK)

1 tsp vanilla bean paste

1 tsp coconut extract (I like Olivenation or watkins. Also, bear in mind you may need to use more. I do this to taste and the tsp is a guess on my part. Don’t worry, I’ll tell you where to taste in the recipe) 

Pinch salt

1 cup sweetened flaked coconut

Topping:

2 cups heavy cream VERY COLD (can use whipping or double also, but I prefer heavy) 

2 tablespoons jello or jello style pudding mix, coconut 

Powdered/icing sugar (this will be to taste) 

Decoration: Most definitely toasted coconut. I really like Nuts.com’s organic dried coconut chips, but it depends on how flush I’m feeling--I did not use it in this competition. Macadamia nuts are great, dried pineapple, for this competition I used coconut rolls from costco. This is mostly for visual appeal, so be creative. 

Toast your coconut: Put the oven at 350F. Put some parchment down on a baking sheet, and then put your sweetened flaked coconut on the sheet. Don’t forget to put in a bit extra for your topping decoration. Toast for about five minutes, it will probably need a stir and watch it closesy--coconut burns easy. When it’s a nice pale golden, pull it and up the temperature of the oven to 375F. 

Blind bake your crust. If you haven’t done this before, I think it’s easy but admit maybe not everyone will. Roll your crust out into a pie plate, just like you always would, and then cover the bottom with tin foil, and fill with pie weights or beans, or rice--I’m a big fan of using sugar. Whatever you use. Bake it about 15-17 minutes, it should be lightly brown at the edges. Take out the pie weight you used. Bake it about 5 minutes more, just so the bottom gets very lightly toasted. 

Make the filling! Beat your eggs in in a large bowl until they are very well combined but not whipped. Beat in everything but the coconut itself. NOW TASTE IT. Does it taste coconutty enough, or do you want to add a little more extract? Have an easy hand with the stuff, it’s powerful. Mix in the toasted coconut. 

Yeah, I’m serious, that was the whole of the filling instructions. I told you this was ridiculously easy. 

Bake: Pour your filling (carefully) into the pie crust, and cover the edges of your pie crust so it doesn’t burn (I use tin foil, but they do make fancy pie shields). I like to put it on a jelly roll pan so it’s easier for me to take in and out of the oven. You’re going to bake it at 375F for about 30-40 minutes, but the real test is: if you shake it a little, is it set at the sides but with a little wiggle in the center? That’s when it’s done. 

Let it cool totally. 

Topping! Beat your cold cream and pudding mix together, adding the powdered sugar slowly. I start with a quarter cup and work my way up until it’s as sweet as I like. I prefer a harder peak for this, but soft peaks are acceptable if you enjoy that more. Decorat with your topping choices! 

GO WIN A FUCKIN ROSETTE

Please tell me if you made this! If you found this really helpful and would like to leave me a tip, my ko-fi is here!

[cvntatrons]

So my roommate and I were reading The Spy Who Came In From The Cold series by @philosopherking1887 , and we couldn’t stop craving Delavian chocolates from how great they described them so I decided to make them and here’s my little recipe. (I mostly measured by my heart so the measurements probably won’t be exact)

What you’ll need:

85% cacao dark chocolate bar (I used central market, the more you’re able to use of this the better your chocolates will taste I mixed with the chocolate melts just so that I’d have enough for 2.5 squares of each flavor)

Ghirardelli dark chocolate melts

Coarse Himalayan pink salt

Rosemary (I used dried)

Powdered sage

Lavender

Lingonberry jam

Cayenne

Chopped up almonds (or almond extract)

I also used some rosemary and pepper flavored honey along with mesquite flavored honey but this is really optional

Any silicone mold you have I just used an ice tray we weren’t using

Make a little double broiler with a pan with boiling water and a glass bowl on top to melt the chocolate and remember to temper your chocolate before putting them in your mold.

For the delavian berry chocolate:

I used 4 squares of the 85% cacao dark chocolate bar and a handful of dark chocolate melts put them in the double broiler with roughly 2 teaspoons of lingonberry jam, mixed it around until completely incorporated, if you want more of a lavender taste with it put a pinch in with the chocolate as it’s melting otherwise I just put it on top of some of the chocolate for it to be more subtle. Make sure you temper your chocolate before placing them in the mold by adding 1/3 of the amount of chocolate you first put in after you’ve taken the bowl off of the heat I didn’t learn to do this until my 2nd batch and the chocolate will lose all of it’s integrity when out of the fridge/freezer too long. Then I put the chocolate in the freezer to let it solidify. 

The ijhem nut delavian chocolate:

Nuts are a migraine trigger for me but my roommate loves almonds so I just used what we had on hand so I cannot speak for how these chocolates taste

Using the same chocolate ratio and set up as the berry chocolate add either some chopped up almonds or what I did which is a splash of almond extract we had with some vanilla extract, again make sure to temper your chocolate and place them into the mold. (Or just buy some almond chocolate from the store)

This one is the whole reason why I had to make these chocolates my roommate and I couldn’t stop talking about the blue salt and fruit chocolates, I made this one with and without lingonberry and I have to say both were good but I loved it without.

Use 4 squares of your 85% chocolate bar and a handful of dark chocolate melts just like in the last couple, add a pinch of sea salt and cayenne pepper (I also added a dollop of rosemary pepper honey and mesquite flavored honey) mix until fully melted, temper your chocolate and then add to your mold, I then mixed in small pinches of the coarse Himalayan salt so each chocolate had an even amount and then after it’s set for a minute or two top with another pinch of the Himalayan salt. If you want to make it fruit filled prior to mixing in any of the coarse salt, line your mold with some of the chocolate put some of the lingonberry jam (or really any jam you have) then top it off with the rest of the chocolate.

The Lerta herb chocolate (my personal favorite)

Using the same chocolate ratio add a good solid sprinkling of sage powder (if I had to guess maybe anywhere from 1-2 teaspoons start off small and taste as you melt until you get a desired amount) and a little less rosemary (anywhere from 1/3-1/2 of the amount you use of sage again start off small until you reach a desired taste but keep in mind it will be a tiny bit more flavorful after setting) a hint of cayenne powder, and I once again added a dollop of rosemary and pepper flavored honey. Mix that bad boy up and temper it put it in your mold and if you’re feeling fancy top it with some rosemary (or even maybe some of the Himalayan salt and lavender. I personally enjoyed doing that)

And boom you now have my best interpretation of their Delvain Chocolates. My roommates and I personally enjoyed them and I hope you do as well! Im also pretty sure you could find real chocolates with these flavors but I already had 90% of the ingredients I needed and I like trying to make new things. This was my first time making a recipe and making chocolates and I had a great time. I didn’t manage to get any pictures of my first batch but I attached a photo of some of my 2nd batch which aren’t as pretty as my first and is mostly just the herb and berry chocolates.

[prairiefirewitch]

Pecan Rosemary and Orange Shortbread for Agathos Daimon

Just barely sweet, a little salty, full of pecans, and just a whiff of rosemary and orange. Perfect with a glass of white; you’re pouring libations to Zeus or Dionysus tonight anyway so indulge with your household deities and spirits. Decadent with a bit of blue cheese or Parmesan Reggiano. Dust them with powdered sugar and you’ve got a fancy Russian tea cakes or Mexican wedding cookies.

Mercifully for you and me I will stop baking after tonight as the temperature soars into the 100s and I feel like a monster for turning on the oven. But this offering to my household spirits and deities is so worth braving the sweltering kitchen because of course I’m indulging.

Here it is:

1 c. unsalted butter, room temp

1/2 c. sugar

1/2 tsp salt

2 tsp vanilla extract

2 1/4 c. AP flour

2 c. chopped pecans

Zest of one orange or lemon

1 tbsp chopped fresh rosemary

Cream the butter, sugar and salt together until fluffy. Add vanilla and flour and mix on medium low speed with paddle until it begins to clump together and looks like sand.

Add pecans, zest, and rosemary. Mix on medium low until large clumps form, scrape the bowl down to get everything well mixed. Don’t go crazy mixing here; you don’t want a smooth cookie dough.

Turn your dough out and shape into a big disc. Pop into a freezer bag and chill for at least one hour.

If you’re making crescents use about 1 1/2 tbsp dough per cookie, a little more for bigger cookies. Shape into crescents. If you’re making round or square cookies gently roll out onto a lightly floured surface, about 1/4 inch thickness.

If you’re shaping your cookies, popping them into the freezer for a few minutes once you’ve shaped them will help them keep a more defined shape.

Bake on lined cookie sheets at 350f, for about 10-12 minutes. You just want a little golden brown on the edges, or all over. For crescents allow to cool 5 minutes, then dust with powdered sugar.

I froze half of my cookie dough for later use. It keeps well for 3 months or so frozen. Thaw when you’re ready to use and bake as shown above.

#agathosdaimon #offerings #greekreligion #greekmythology #ancientgreece #dionysus #zeus

[void-wolfie]

Hello my favorite angst author. I have a request for you.

Reader and Jenna are friends and have feelings for each other, but neither of them made the move to make it into something more. Reader got jealous one day seeing Jenna with someone else even if nothing happened J and other person. Both got into an argument and it blew up horribly, ended with both of them saying nasty things to each other (even though secretly they both loved one another). A little too late though because reader got into a car accident and didn’t make it. No happy ending on this one.

I know this is a little too angsty but I honestly think you’d crush this one. Hopefully you’ll think about my request! Even if you decide not to do it, it’s fine too. You’re so good with your words that I’ll honestly just like it even if you were posting a cake recipe or something.

Have a good day Wolf Mom!

happy ending or not? i guess only time will tell 😉

for now, here's the cake recipe you asked for 😂

🔗Vanilla cake with chocolate frosting: (instructions below, but link here for those who are interested)

Ingredients:

1/2 cup (or 113g) of unsalted butter (preferably at room temp)

1/2 cup (or 120g) of vegetable oil (or any other neutral cooking oil such as canola or avocado)

1 + 1/2 cups (or 300g) of granulated sugar (aka normal sugar for you non-baking folk)

4 large eggs (preferably at room temp)

1 tablespoon of vanilla extract

3 cups (or 375g) of all purpose cooking flour (or 375g or 3 + 1/3 cups of cake flour if your fancy)

1 tablespoon of baking powder

1/2 teaspoon of salt

1 + 1/4 cup (or 300ml) of buttermilk (once again, preferably at room temp)

chocolate frosting (measure with your heart on this one... is there ever such a thing as too much chocolate?)

Equipment:

big ass bowls (or whatever mixing bowls you can find)

2 cake pans (most likely 8", but hey, whatever works for you I guess)

mixer - can be handheld or a stand mixer, not technically required but trust me it makes life so much easier

Instructions:

preheat oven to 350 F (or 175-177 C)

prepare the pans: very lightly grease the sides and line the bottom with parchment paper (set these aside for now)

in your bowl mix together: butter, sugar, and oil (vegetable or avocado depending or whatever you picked)... mix together until well combined and creamy

add in eggs and combine together (preferably with mixer - you want those eggs destroyed)

add and mix in vanilla extract

in a separate bowl mix together: flour, baking powder, and salt

slowly add in dry ingredients and buttermilk while mixing - for this is best to alternate between adding some dry ingredients, mixing, adding some buttermilk, then mixing and repeat until everything is well combined (don't use the mixer for this)

evenly divide the batter into the two pans and bake (at 350F or 175C) for around 30-35 minutes. you will know when they're done when you can stick a toothpick in the middle and pull it out with crumbs (no wet batter)

once you pull out, let the pans to cool for 10-15 minutes

after the 10-15 minutes, you should be able to flip the pans upside down and the cakes should fall out (be careful as the pans may still be hot)

after the cakes are out of the pans, leave to cool completely

once cooled, decorate and frost however your heart desires (I recommend an ass load of chocolate frosting and maybe some sprinkles if your feeling fun, but that's just me)

** if you've made it this far, congrats, you're special :) what do you get for being special??? Nothing. however you do get to know the above story request will be coming out soon :) have your tissue boxes prepared, it's going to be a rough one 😉

[casual-comedy-enjoyer]

Alright, so, since Tumblr is the land of cursed food combos, and it seems like everyone I tell about this looks at me like I'm crazy, even if I think it's actually fairly normal compared to other things (case and point: Battery Acid Spaghetti), I think it's time I tell you about my cursed concoction which I am currently sipping as we speak:

Vanilla Milk.

The idea came to me a couple years ago when I was really craving ice cream, yet being a teenager in my parents house had no way to get any. So I looked up methods of making ice cream online. I found one that I think was technically supposed to be a milkshake, but I figured "eh, close enough" and started making it. The instructions (although I have lost the measurements) were to take milk, sugar, and vanilla extract (tumblr's favorite ingredient), mix them together, and add crushed ice. We did not have a fancy ice machine in our fridge at the time, so I had to use a meat mallet on a ziploc bag of ice cubes to try to get crushed ice, which ended up being more like ice chunks. I then realized, "wait, if the ice is just to get the texture and temperature of ice cream, could I then exclude it and get the same taste as melted ice cream?"

I was correct.

Since then, this has been a semi-regular treat for myself that I have perfected the measurements of near perfectly. Of course I have no idea what they actually are, because I eyeball it every time, but I will attempt to give you some rough measurements, in case you want to try it yourself.

2 cups Milk

(about) 1 tbsp Sugar

1 tsp (I think) Vanilla Extract

Have fun!

[libraryspectre]

Did you know you can make peanut butter brownies from regular brownie box mix really easily? Just make the brownie batter according to the box and get it into the pan. Then microwave a couple spoonfulls of peanut butter for like 20 seconds to make it a little runny, then spoon it on top of the brownie batter. I like to make even rows of silver dollar-sized dollops. Then take a knife or chopstick and move in a zigzag pattern, starting with side-to-side and then going up and down. This will marble the peanut butter into the brownie mix. Then bake according to the directions on the box, and you're done!

If you want to be a little extra fancy you can add vanilla extract and SALT to the peanut butter, but just straight-up microwaved peanut butter works just fine

[yourgamemasterthewhiterabbit]

If anyone is curious about the cake, I looked up this recipe:

1 cup white sugar

½ cup unsalted butter

2 large eggs

2 teaspoons vanilla extract

1 ½ cups all-purpose flour

1 ¾ teaspoons baking powder

½ cup milk

And bastardized it in the following ways:

Leave the recipe up on your screen but too far away to read it clearly,

Open and drain a can of beets. Yes beets, the red earthy root vegetable,

Use an immersion blender to puree the beets some,

Eyeball roughly a half cup of canola or sunflower oil instead of butter [to save butter, or just use butter see if I care],

put in a much *closer* to tumblr worthy level of vanilla extract,

Pour in about a quarter cup of heavy cream, it's fine there's extra fluids in the beets and you probably over-shot the oil,

Add in 2 extra large eggs because I never use anything but extra large eggs,

Add a pinch of salt it never called for,

Add in what's left in a bag of white sugar and then over-shoot making up the rest with brown sugar slightly, by eye, it's fine,

immersion blend again until you are sure there's no chunks,

Add in what's probably a 3rd cup of cocoa or more and blend more,

eyeball a cup and a half or so of flour by scooping generously a few times with a quarter cup measure and letting it heap,

Dump in what's -probably- more baking powder than that recipe calls for,

immersion blend again until it looks like batter, even if it's on the *slightly* runny side. If it seems way too runny add a bit more flour,

***If you want to be extra -me- about it, you can also add in a tablespoon of cinnamon and an tablespoon of cayenne pepper at this point, but I get the sense most people won't want to***

Oil and flour a baking pan and pour it all in, mine is this big oval-ish one. I baked it at 350 without preheating until it smelled done.

tada!

Now we mix SALTED butter with solid coconut oil half and half, dump in some coco and an appropriate seeming amount of icing sugar with a squirt of vanilla extract and blend aggressively until it's fluffy

Do not apply it until the cake is cooled.

Unless you are particularly sensitive to the earthy taste of root vegetables and dislike them, you probably won't notice the beets, but you know how carrot cake maintains this moist tenderness because of the inclusion of fibery vegetable matter? Yeah. This chocolate cake will have something very moist and carrot cake-like about the texture, letting it be heavy without being dense in a way that comes off as very rich, even though it still has plenty of air in it. No soaking in anything fancy required.

If you use cocoa that hasn't been treated with alkaloids it'll probably come out convincingly red too. This might actually be a red velvet recipe tbh but my coco is the dark stuff.

The coconut butter in the icing pairs well with the earthy hint from the beets and makes the icing firm at cooler temperatures but melt quickly in your mouth, it's very yummy. I didn't even bother making Italian meringue to make a butter cream and it's still impressively good. Coconut butter in icing is honestly always good unless you hate coconut.

Whatever, yay cake!

I know people will say baking is an exact science but getting the portions mostly correct is fine so long as the batter has the right consistency the beets make it more forgiving or something.

Have fun and be yourself <3

[monsterkong]

“Healthy Snack Hacks: Clean Oreo Alternatives You’ll Love! 🌿🍪”

Welcome to Wake Up and Read the Labels!

Have you ever wondered why Oreos are so hard to resist? They actually stimulate our brains in ways similar to addictive substances. 🤯 But that’s not an excuse to skip out on your favorite treats! Today, we’re bringing you a recipe that’s just as tasty but way healthier, with zero artificial ingredients and zero guilt. Let’s dig in! 🍃

The Secret to Oreo’s Appeal (and What to Avoid) 🍪🚫

Traditional Oreos contain processed flour, sugar, and artificial additives, which can leave you feeling hungry and tired. These ingredients may taste good in the moment but don’t offer much in terms of nutrition. Enter LiLy cookies: a clean, plant-based cookie made from ingredients like almond flour and coconut sugar, offering a better snacking experience without sacrificing flavor. 🌱💪

How to Make Your Own Clean “Oreos”

All you need for this easy swap are two LiLy cookies and a dollop of icing. 🍦 Add vanilla or peppermint extract for a flavor twist, or try chocolate icing if you’re in the mood for a richer taste. This recipe is so simple you’ll wonder why you didn’t try it sooner!

Snack Prep Tips for the Perfect Cookie Sandwich

Want to make your cookies look fancy? Put your icing in a Ziploc bag, snip the tip, and squeeze it onto the cookie. For special occasions, sprinkle with edible flowers or fresh herbs. 🌸 You’ll have a delicious, nutritious treat that’s a hit at any gathering, big or small.

Why Choose Clean Ingredients? The Benefits of Smart Snacking 🌟

Choosing snacks with clean ingredients isn’t just about health—it’s about enjoying flavors that don’t weigh you down. 💫 LiLy cookies, Simple Mills icing, and other clean products are packed with natural, nutrient-dense ingredients, giving you the energy to get through your day without the sugar crash.

Final Thoughts: Rediscovering the Joy of Snacking

Here’s to reinventing the way we snack! Whether you’re sharing these cookies at a party or indulging in a sweet moment just for yourself, choosing clean alternatives can make all the difference. 🍫💙 Give these swaps a try, and let us know if you feel the difference!

Happy snacking! 🥰

[psalacanthea]

Mulled White Wine

hey do u need something for Halloween drinkies? Here's my favorite non-red mulled wine.

1 bottle sauv. blanc or chard

Maple syrup OR brown sugar (honey if u must, but i find honey works better in red wine for me)

1 cinnamon stick

ginger (fresh by pref it's ok to use powdered if you must but fresh ginger has way more flavor and complexity)

more spices if u like: allspice, cardamom, cloves (go easy, 1 or 2 whole should be ok), etc

Vanilla paste/bean OR extract (i shall not scold you)

2 big peaches or 2 big pears (3 if they're smaller) OR 1-2 cups peach/pear juice

If you're using fresh fruit, pit core, chunk fruit, and blend. Sieve to get rid of big chunks.

To a big pot on med-low heat add bottle of wine, blended/strained fruit OR juice

add 1 cinnamon stick and 1 1/8th inch thick piece of ginger (big enough to fish out again, not so big that it takes over the whole flavor)

1 tsp vanilla of choice or the scraped innards of 1 bean

Stir, taste for sweetness, add maple syrup 1 tsp at a time until the sweetness is good. It WILL get sweeter as it warms, so go easy.

Stir to combine, cook on med-low until liquid is steaming.

DO NOT raise it above a very low simmer, no matter how short on time you are. What's the point in mulled wine if you cook all the alcohol off?

When the spices have infused to your taste (30min-2hr, depending) then it is done.

Retrieve spices, serve.

Can be kept warm on a burner at very low heat, but will reduce over time. If it gets too strong, add a little water. Boxed/\cheap wine is a good choice for this-- you're adding stuff which will help cover the inferior quality

if you want to get extra fancy tho you can glaze and roast the fruit. Maple roasted peaches are A+

[tisorridalamor]

I almost forgot to ask: do you want to tell us about your overnight oats?

Boy do I ever!!! Please continue under the cut if you want to hear me talk about breakfast for way too long

I've posted my overnight oats recipe before but generally speaking:

1/3 cup steel cut oats*

1/3 cup milk of choice**

1/3 cup yogurt of choice***

An Amount of peanut/almond/whatever butter, honey, maple syrup, granola, nuts, fruit, jam, seeds, etc. Go crazy go stupid

*Generally the rule should be 1 part oats to 2 parts liquid, so if you want all yogurt or all milk that's fine, and increasing to 1/2 cup oats would mean 1 cup liquid, etc. Also you can play fast and loose with this rule, it doesn't have to be exact

**my favorite milk rn is oat milk! It has kind of a natural sweetness that is nice, I don't really like milk in general so I have kind of just been buying stuff at random but I think this is what I'll stick with going forward

***I'm also obsessed with plain greek yogurt (this post is making me sound like a health nut??) so I add that but any kind works. I genuinely love the taste of plain greek yogurt but getting a good vanilla or other flavored greek / non-greek yogurt is a good way to add flavor without a ton of effort or adding other things :)

Add-ins I'm fond of:

BANANAS❗ super mild so they go good with anything

sesame seeds

cashews

replacing part of the yogurt or milk with spiced apple sauce is REALLY good

cookie butter is so so so good in it if you have that. I assume any sweet spread like nutella would be great too. I got my dad these fancy peanut butters for xmas and used some in my overnight oats and they were fantastic

chocolate chips, cocoa powder

Vanilla Extract...

Dried fruit like cranberries, raisins, mango, etc.

There's also lots of ideas out there, I tried to keep the above pretty straightforward but if you web search it people are making brownie overnight oats, tiramisu overnight oats, creamsicle, carrot cake, pina colada, the list is endless. At work, my old boss had learned about my obsession and gave me a ton of these packets from an overnight oats subscription service (??? they'll make anything these days) that his wife had gotten and didn't like. I'm not interested in buying it but it gave me some fun flavor ideas that you can see on their site if you click the link!

When I get some time I want to make bubble tea overnight oats by making some good milk tea for the liquid and topping it with tapioca pearls and brown sugar syrup :) I like that if you want to make something complicated out of oats you can but it's also very easy to just mix some oats and yogurt and be done with it. I've tried multiple times to make oats on the stove top and I'm gonna be real with you I think they're better cold, idk I've gotten in friendly arguments about this irl

I'm a big breakfast person and I know it's a meal a lot of people skip or substitute with caffeine but I do think getting some real calories in your system helps as much as good sleep does. It's unfortunate that we all have to work a ton and something as simple as "making breakfast in the morning" feels like a luxury on a workday. I like that I can prep something like this a few days in advance and enjoy it at work at my leisure <3 I'm lucky I work an office job that allows me to do that lol!

[shinyhappygoth]

For the release of Good Omens Season 1, I baked a cake with the bottom layer devil's food cake and the top layer angel food cake, plus filling and frosting representing the Earth. It was excellent, but when S2 rolled around, I decided that I didn't really need an entire layer cake, and besides, I wanted to try an experiment. The experiment has been highly successful, and so I present:

Heaven 'n' Hell Cupcakes

What we're doing here is baking the devil's food and angel food together into a unit. I would just say use your favorite recipe for each, but I will not say that because as it happens the tricky bit was finding a pair of recipes where the baking instructions matched, and you probably don't want to mess with that.

Line a muffin pan with paper liners. If you don't have them, I think what you'll want to do is carefully grease and flour only the bottoms of the muffin cups. (I say flour, but I have been advised that you can also use cocoa powder, or a mixture of the two, for this purpose.)

Devil's Food Cake

(recipe from Erren's Kitchen, halved)

Ingredients:

1/4 cup unsweetened cocoa powder

1/4 cup light brown sugar

1/2 teaspoon espresso powder or instant coffee

1/2 cup hot water

3/4 cup all-purpose flour

1/4 teaspoon salt

1/4 teaspoon baking powder

1/4 teaspoon baking soda

1/2 stick unsalted butter (room temperature)

3/8 cup superfine sugar

1 teaspoon vanilla extract

1 egg (room temperature)

In a bowl, whisk together the cocoa powder, coffee, brown sugar, and hot water. Set aside.

In a separate bowl, mix the flour, salt, baking powder, and baking soda together and set aside.

In a third bowl (this should be the largest one, everything's ending up in here), cream the butter and sugar together, beating well until pale and fluffy. Add the vanilla extract.

Beat in the egg. Mix in the flour mixture in alternation with the cocoa mixture, about half of each at a time, until fully combined. Do not overbeat.

Spoon the batter into the muffin pan, dividing it evenly between the cups, trying not to let it drip down the sides. Set this aside. You'll probably want to preheat your oven to 350°F around now.

Angel Food Cake

(recipe from Life Made Simple, halved)

Ingredients:

3/8 cup + 1 tablespoon superfine sugar

1/4 cup cake flour (or all-purpose flour but replace 1 1/2 teaspoons of it with cornstarch)

1/8 teaspoon salt

3 egg whites

1 1/2 tablespoons warm water

3/8 teaspoon cream of tartar

1/4 teaspoon vanilla extract

Sift half of the sugar with the salt and the cake flour; set aside the remaining sugar.

In a mixing bowl, whisk together the egg whites, water, cream of tartar, and vanilla extract. After whisking by hand for approximately 2 minutes, switch to a hand or stand mixer. Gradually sift in the remaining sugar, beating at medium speed until medium peaks have formed.

Add the flour mixture a little at a time (you'll want to add it in about 8 additions). It should be just enough flour to dust the top of the peaks. Use a spatula to fold in the dry ingredients in a circular motion, being careful to not deflate the peaks.

Once all of the flour has been folded in, carefully spoon the mixture into the muffin pan, on top of the devil's food batter.

Bake on the center rack of the oven for exactly 20 minutes. This was sufficient for me for a toothpick to come out clean when inserted through a gap in the angel food layer into the devil's food cake, but to be on the safe side, leave the cupcakes in the pan until completely cooled (this will allow the bottom layer to absorb the residual heat and continue to cook a bit).

If you prefer your cupcakes unadorned, that's it! If you want to get fancy, you can frost them, fill them, or both. I consulted a few recipes for reference but ultimately winged both of the following. There will be extra filling left over, and may be leftover frosting depending on your preferences.

Honey Cinnamon Walnut Whipped Cream Filling

Ingredients:

1/2 cup heavy cream (cold)

1 tablespoon honey

1-2 teaspoons cinnamon, according to taste

1/4 teaspoon vanilla extract

a pinch of salt

1/4 cup walnuts

Pulse the walnuts in the food processor until coarsely ground.

Whip the cream until soft peaks form (this will not take long). Add the other ingredients, being careful not to overbeat. When adding the honey, drizzle it on so the cold doesn't congeal it into too much of a lump.

Use a cupcake corer to make a hole down the middle of each cupcake; if you need to dig out a little more, you can use a baby spoon, but be careful not to go through the bottom. Use the baby spoon to fill the holes with the whipped cream mixture. If you're planning to ice the cupcakes, I recommend not filling them quite to the top, and cutting a slice from the top of each removed core to cap them off.

If you fill your cupcakes, keep them refrigerated.

Honey Cinnamon Buttercream Frosting

Ingredients:

1 stick (1/2 cup) salted butter

2 tablespoons honey

1 teaspoon cinnamon

1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract

1 1/2 cups confectioner's sugar

Cream together the butter, honey, cinnamon, and vanilla extract. Add the confectioner's sugar 1/2 cup at a time, beating until smooth.

Buttercream covereth a multitude of sins.

[kelyon]

Courtship 2: First Date--Restaurant

Mr. Gold takes Lacey out to dinner.

Read on AO3

There was no question of what dress Lacey would wear to dinner with Mr. Gold. Most of her clothes were for work--mud-stained jeans and faded tee-shirts. She had a capped-sleeved sundress she’d worn to graduation and a long black skirt she wore to the funerals. Add in two pairs of slacks and a few blouses and sweaters and that was the entirety of Lacey French’s wardrobe. 

Except for one special dress. 

It had been a present when she’d turned nineteen--the last birthday her mother would be alive for.   

“It’s bold,” Mom had said when Lacey picked it up off the clearance rack at Modern Fashions. Her face had been so thin by that point. Her voice was so tired. “Like you, my brave girl.”

Bold was a nice way of putting it. Too slutty to wear in public was more accurate. Purple-blue and shining with sequins, it was a dress that drew attention to itself, even on the hanger. For months, it had hung in Lacey’s closet unworn. Sometimes she regretted even having it. It was too short and too tight to wear anywhere respectable, too fancy and too fragile to wear anywhere fun. This dress was too frivolous, too reckless, too much. Yet it called to her. The sequins glittered like a trove of jewels, a secret treasure hidden away until it was needed. This dress--thinking about wearing it, thinking about where she’d go in it, who she’d be with, who she’d be--always put a fire in her heart. 

Mr. Gold wasn’t the sort of man she’d imagined wearing this dress for, but he was close enough. It wasn’t like anyone else was lining up to take her out to dinner anywhere, let alone to Bella Notte, the most expensive restaurant in town. Whether Lacey had known it or not, this dress had been waiting for him.

Maybe she had been waiting for him too.

****

On Monday night, Lacey took as long a shower as she could. The plumbing in their building was finicky, but Lacey knew the delicate ritual of turning the water off at regular intervals to make sure the temperature stayed warmish for as long as possible. In intermittent stages, she washed and conditioned her hair, washed her body, and shaved. 

She wasn’t normally one to shave once swimsuit season was over, but a date with Mr. Gold seemed like a special occasion. She slathered conditioner on her legs and in her armpits. Hair conditioner worked just as well as shaving cream, which always seemed like an unnecessary indulgence. 

While she waited for the ancient hot water tank to fill up again, she took a pumice stone to her damp feet. Sitting on the edge of the yellowed bathtub, she rubbed the rough rock over her heels, then across her knees and elbows, anywhere that was dry or scaly. She scraped away dead skin and revealed a new layer, soft and pink. The more she did it the more it hurt, but there was something enjoyable about the prickly pain. It invigorated her, made her feel alive. 

Her friend Mara had given her a sugar scrub for Christmas, homemade with coconut oil and vanilla extract. Rubbing that on was a mixture of pleasure and pain, the oil smoothing the skin that the sugar had irritated. This was Lacey’s favorite way to pamper herself. Other girls might like soaking in bubble baths, but she always wanted to be scraped raw. Torn apart and put back together again. Reborn, and truly cleansed. 

Tuesday night--the night of the date--she only had time to wash her body after work. It was a shower quick enough that the water had only just begun to turn cold by the time she was done. 

Though her dress had long sleeves and a high neckline, it was practically backless--nothing but thin straps crisscrossing until just above her butt. Whatever bra she wore, the band would be on full display every time she turned around. Therefore, a bra was out of the question. Well, that was manageable. Lacey’s boobs were on the smallish side, as her ex-boyfriend had often remarked. She didn’t need to wear a bra, especially if she wasn’t going to be running or anything.

So she didn’t. 

The fabric was scratchy on the inside, not entirely unpleasant. The busy shimmer of sequins concealed the specific shapes of her breasts, so she wouldn’t have to worry about her nipples showing if they poked out in the cold. She could get away with it.

Her black pantyhose had seemed conservative and stodgy when she’d worn them with her long black skirt--first to her mother’s funeral, then to Uncle Peter and Andrew’s. Now, with this dress, the stockings looked risque, somehow scandalous. Probably because the dress was so short that her pantyhose were functioning as skin-tight, see-through pants. That was scandalous. 

And kind of fun. 

All the jewelry she owned was cheap and immature. Charm bracelets and best-friend necklaces and earrings with plastic flowers or hearts. Kids’ stuff. She wasn’t a kid anymore, but she didn’t have anything adult either. Before, any time Lacey had needed to look really nice, she’d supplement her wardrobe by raiding her mom’s closet. Now that seemed tantamount to grave robbing.

More than that, she didn’t want to wear anything of Mom’s on a date with Mr. Gold. This was the first night she’d had in a while where she’d have an opportunity to not think about Mom, to not think about every terrible thing that had happened to her since the day after graduation. For just an evening, she could pretend her life wasn’t her life. She could be someone other than Lacey French, human tragedy and utter waste of potential. 

Miss French, Mr. Gold liked to call her. She’d tried to tell him he could call her by her first name, but now she liked the formality. Was Miss French a different person than Lacey? Was she someone Lacey would rather be? Miss French was going to Bella fucking Notte with the man who owned practically all of Storybrooke. Plain old Lacey wasn’t good enough for that.

In the end, she didn’t wear any jewelry. Probably for the best. Mr. Gold handled a lot of valuables in his pawn shop. He’d know at a glance if she was wearing garbage. Mr. Gold deserved better than that. Miss French was better than that.  

****

Time was running out. She threw her hair up into a messy bun--the only kind of bun her wild French hair was capable of--and put on makeup as quickly as she could. She slipped her feet into the sensible black pumps she’d gotten for the funeral and made her way out the door. 

Dad was in the kitchen, staring blankly at the microwave while it heated up a frozen dinner. He looked up when he saw her.

“You’re dressed up.”

“Yeah,” Lacey tried to stay cool. “I, uh, I have a date tonight.”

Her father’s face softened. He almost smiled. “Things back on with you and Hunter? That’s good. I always liked that kid.”

Kid was the perfect word to describe the boy Lacey had started hanging out with the summer her mom got sick. Hunter Duke and his friends were the rich kids in town, the kind of people whose parents coddled them long after they turned eighteen. Lacey’s attraction had been less to Hunter himself and more to the lifestyle he represented--being young and carefree, feeling like the world was made for you to take. Feeling like security and opportunities were inalienable rights and not something you had to work yourself to the bone to even be able to dream about. 

They had drifted apart after Mom took a bad turn in her treatment. Lacey had needed to stay closer to home--to be with Mom or at the shop--and Hunter accused her of being ‘too serious.’ They never broke up with a big fight or anything, but they knew being together was a waste of time for both of them. She wanted to be responsible and he wanted a girl who didn’t have responsibilities.

“Well, have fun,” Dad said after a moment of awkward silence. “I can open the shop in the morning, but try to be home before noon.”

Lacey gave him a tight smile. It was very weird to hear a parent acknowledge that she’d want to stay overnight at a boy’s house. When she was in school, this had been a ‘no dating until you’re married’ household. Times changed. Maybe this was her dad trying to give her a break. Maybe he understood how much she needed to feel good about things--even for just one night.

“I won’t be that late. But I am having lunch with Mara and Janine tomorrow. I’ll open, if you don’t mind me taking the afternoon off.”

Grunting, he took his dinner out of the microwave and went into the living room to watch TV.

“Oh hey,” Lacey stopped him. “When we get money again, can we hire Marco from the hardware store to fix the hot water tank?”

Dad’s expression didn’t move. “Manny’s coming by this weekend. We’re going to take a look at it.”

“Yeah well, Uncle Manny has been here to look at it a lot and the tank is still not working. I was thinking maybe if we asked a handyman instead of an auto mechanic--”

“With what money?” He wasn’t mean as he cut her off, just blunt. Just accurate. “That bastard and his late fees are going to kill any profits we might get for Valentine’s Day. Things aren’t going to get better until Easter at least.”

Things are never going to get better. 

The spiteful, bitter thought sat on the tip of her tongue, but she didn’t say it. Saying it wouldn’t do any good, wouldn’t tell her dad anything he didn’t know. Instead, all Lacey could do was sigh.

“Okay. Fine. Just thought I’d ask.”

He nodded, and silently plodded over to the couch and the TV. 

****   

The moment she stepped outside into a January night in Maine, Lacey regretted her decision to go without a coat. Usually, she bundled up in a hoodie and a ski jacket that kept off the wind, but that wasn’t the kind of thing Miss French would wear. Why even bother putting on a pretty dress if she was just going to cover it up with a ratty hand-me-down?

The air froze in her lungs, but she pressed on. She walked away from the shop, facing the direction Mr. Gold would be coming from on his way from the good part of Old Town. 

Officially, Storybrooke was only divided into two neighborhoods: Old Town and New Town, with Main Street in the middle. Unofficially, there was a rough dividing line in the middle of both sections that further divided them into the ‘good part’ and ‘bad part’ of each. City Hall--and Mayor Mills’ house--was in the good part of New Town. The bad part of New Town was the docks and the industrial area, where the sight and smell of Fish King Canned Foods ruled over everything. Lacey lived in the bad part of Old Town, historic slums and tradesmen's homes. Technically, she was within walking distance to the good part of Old Town, but those old-money mansions were worlds away.  

Of course that was where Mr. Gold lived. 

Headlights shone through the night as his car turned the corner. Lacey knew it was his car because of how little noise it made. It was a sleek rumble, practically a purr, an engine that was built for power and maintained with wealth. A Cadillac, her Uncle Manny liked to say, was what every other car wanted to be when it grew up. 

She waved him down and the car stopped in the middle of the street. The passenger window rolled down with electric smoothness.

“Miss French?” His voice came from the dark interior. “What are you doing outside? I said I would pick you up.”

“And you are!” Lacey maneuvered around other cars parked in the street to get to the passenger door. She heard a thunk as the door unlocked at the push of a button. Lacey slid onto the leather seat and into a velvety warmth. “God that feels good!”

Reaching over to the controls, Mr. Gold twisted a knob and turned the heat up a notch. Then he put the car in drive. 

“You know, I am a gentleman, Miss French. I fully intended to come to your door.”

Lacey rubbed her hands together in front of the vent blowing out hot air. “That might not have been a good idea,” she told him. “You’re not exactly my dad’s favorite person right now.”

“Ah,” Mr. Gold said. 

They paused at a stop sign, then Mr. Gold turned to her. “Just to be clear, Miss French, my business with your father has nothing to do with anything that happens between us tonight. Your actions and behavior won’t make things better or worse for him.”

She snorted. “I don’t know how things could get worse for him.”

“Oh there’s always a way.”

That was for sure. 

“Well, thanks for clearing the air,” Lacey said. “It’s good to know if I let you bang me it’ll be because I want to and not to save his sorry ass.”    

Mr. Gold made a noise in the back of his throat. In the moving streetlights, Lacey saw his gloved hands squeeze the steering wheel.

“Do you always offer to go to bed with men on the first date, Miss French?”

Her cheeks went hot. It had been a stupid thing to say, but it was the subtext of what he had told her! Going on this date with Mr. Gold wouldn’t help her dad out with the rent. It was just for her. If she did end up sleeping with him, that would be just for her too.    

It was nice to have something in her life that only belonged to her, something that would happen just because she wanted it to.

“Well why not?” Lacey invented a personal philosophy as she spoke it. “We’re not living in some medieval fantasy world where a girl’s virginity is her biggest asset. Consenting adults can do whatever the fuck they want, that’s what I think.”

Mr. Gold pulled into the parking lot for Bella Notte. He turned off the engine and gave Lacey a long look. Maybe the darkness gave her courage, because she just looked right back.

“Whatever the fuck they want,” he repeated softly. “Do you really want that, Miss French?”

She let out a sound even she didn’t understand, some half-laugh, half-scoff, half-sob. “Only because I’ve never had it.”

He didn’t press her on what she meant by that, which was just as well. Lacey couldn’t have put it into words--or she would have put it into too many words. She would have spilled out the entirety of her life, all the pressures and responsibilities and expectations that had once been a structure but now felt like a burden.

“Have you eaten here before?” he asked instead. 

“Just once,” she said. “It’s sort of a shame, I took one look at the menu and was so intimidated I just ordered a hamburger. It was a good burger, but I wanted to be more adventurous.”

“Adventure.” Mr. Gold sounded like he was savoring the taste of the word. “Would you like a culinary adventure, Miss French?”

“I--sure? What are you thinking?”

“I’m thinking I would like to order for you. Do you trust me to select what you eat tonight?”

“Oh. Yeah, I guess so. I’m sure you have good taste, and I’m not picky or allergic to anything. Sure, why not?”

He turned in the driver’s seat, so he was looking at her head-on. “Miss French,” he almost whispered. “Would you like to play a game?”

Lacey raised her eyebrows. “Mr. Gold plays games?” 

“Oh, all the time. This one is special because I’m going to tell you the rules before it begins.”

She licked her lips. “What rules?”

“What if you didn’t speak, once we got inside the restaurant? What if you only spoke to me the entire night?”

Her first impulse was to reject the idea, just because it sounded so out-there. But the more she thought about it, the more it began to appeal to her. Not the not-talking thing, that seemed sort of silly and arbitrary. But playing a game with Mr. Gold, that seemed like an offer she’d be nuts to refuse. He was challenging her, and she wanted to rise to his expectations. Hell, she wanted to surpass them. 

“If this is a game,” she said with fake nonchalance, “then I can win or lose, right?”

“Yes,” Mr. Gold rasped. There was something in his voice now, something Lacey didn’t understand, but that she wanted more than she’d ever wanted anything. “If you do as I say the whole evening, you’ll win. If you insist on having your own way, you’ll lose.”

“If I win, does that mean you’ve lost?”

“Oh no, Miss French,” he chuckled. “If you win this game, I will reap the rewards as much as you will.”

She leaned in towards him. “What are the rewards?”

“If you win this game,” he whispered, “then after dinner is over, I’ll take you back to my place, if you like.”

Hopefully the darkness concealed how much she grinned at that prospect. “Okay,” Lacey said. “I think I’d like that very much.”

****

He opened the car door for her and offered her his arm, like something from a God-damned movie. The restaurant was crowded, but the host--or maybe it was a maitre d’--loudly announced that Mr. Gold got the best seat in the house and there was no waiting. Their table was a quiet corner booth where they could see everyone in the restaurant--and everyone else could see them. 

The other patrons nodded at Mr. Gold, but no one looked twice at Lacey. Not many people in this crowd knew her, of course. Or if they did, it was as the florist’s daughter, that kid who drove the delivery van and smiled like someone who was working for tips. They didn’t know Miss French, who stood tall in high heels and a flashy dress, who looked over their heads haughtily and refused to speak to anyone but Mr. Gold.

The first person who recognized her was their waiter. Boyd Monger was a year younger than Lacey. Storybrooke High was a small enough school that everyone knew each other regardless of what grade they were in. She saw the recognition in his eyes, saw his expression shift into genuine enthusiasm.

“Hey!” He smiled at Lacey. 

Her returning smile was tight and she didn’t say anything. She wasn’t going to lose Mr. Gold’s game so soon.

Mr. Gold cleared his throat and Boyd snapped to attention. 

“I mean, uh, good evening. Would you like to start with something to drink?”

“We’ll have a bottle of the 1983 Chateau de Marais.”

“Absolutely, Mr. Gold.” Boyd wrote the order down on his notepad. 

He turned away from the table, then stopped in his tracks. He paused for a minute, then came back looking like he had a stomach ache. 

“Lacey, you’re not twenty-one yet, are you? Can I see your ID?”

“That won’t be necessary.” Mr. Gold spoke before Lacey could even think about how to answer.

Boyd cringed, but stood his ground. “Well, actually, Mr. Gold, it-it really is necessary. It’s illegal to serve alcohol to someone under twenty-one.”

Mr. Gold made a show of looking around the restaurant. “Is Sheriff Humbert dining here tonight?”

“Uh, no, sir.”

“Or District Attorney Spencer? Judge Herman, perhaps?”

“I--haven’t seen either of them.”

“Then it seems legal trouble isn’t worthy of your concern.”

“I--” There was a faint sheen of sweat on Boyd’s forehead. Lacey pressed her lips together, but didn’t say anything that might help the kid out.

“And even if you reported this infraction to an authority, do you think anyone would listen to you? I recall your credibility being somewhat strained, Mr. Monger.”

Lacey had to stop herself from laughing. Mr. Gold was referring to a bad habit Boyd used to have when he was a freshman. Every time he’d had a test he didn’t think he could pass, he would use a payphone to call the police to the school. False alarms had to be treated as credible threats, so the entire school would get evacuated while Sheriff Graham made sure everything was safe. The incident that had finally gotten Boyd caught was when he’d said Ruby Lucas was being attacked by a wolf. Since he was a kid, the paper didn’t report any names, but everyone in town knew what had happened and who was to blame. 

Boyd gave one last effort.

“Mr. Gold, I could lose my job.”

“Or you could lose your apartment.” Mr. Gold was calm, almost genial. He always seemed to be most affable when he was threatening people. “I believe your parents rent from me as well, don’t they, Mr. Monger?”

Boyd’s mouth opened, but no sound came out. Then he straightened up and snapped his notebook shut. “I’ll be back in just a moment with your wine, Mr. Gold.”

Lacey waited until the waiter was back in the kitchen before she let herself react. 

“Wow.” She cackled, as relieved and breathless as if she’d just come off a roller coaster. “I can’t believe you did that.”

Mr. Gold looked at the menu like nothing had happened. “Shocking, really, that Mr. Monger doesn’t seem to understand how things work in this town.”

She tilted her head at him. “How do you mean?”

He looked up from the menu, straight into her eyes. “I mean that I get what I want, Miss French.”

Lacey ignored the heat that washed over her when he said that. “He is right, though. I am underage. I mean, I’ve had booze before, but it is illegal.”

Mr. Gold shrugged, perusing the menu again. “Drive a few hours north into Canada and the age limit is nineteen instead of twenty-one. In Europe it’s even younger. Or in many countries, the sale of alcohol is prohibited to everyone. Given that context, isn’t the entire question rather arbitrary?”

“Wait a minute, you think laws are arbitrary? You with the hundred-page contracts and the sub-clauses and the penalties for minor infractions and the compounding penalties for not abiding by the first penalties?” 

He made a gesture with his hands, gracefully admitting that she had caught his hypocrisy. “But you see, Miss French, all of that goes back to my first and most important principle.”

“That you get what you want?”

“Precisely.”

****

When Boyd came back with their bottle of wine, he was too cowed to look at either of them. He showed Mr. Gold the bottle and Mr. Gold nodded his approval. After Boyd opened the bottle, he placed the cork on the table and poured a small amount into Mr. Gold’s glass. Mr. Gold swirled the wine in the glass and inhaled deeply through his nose. Then he carefully brought it up to his lips for a taste. Apparently it was good enough, because Mr. Gold nodded and Boyd set another glass in front of Lacey. He poured the wine with perfect posture and one arm behind his back.

It was all so formal, so precise, like a dance both men knew the steps to but she had never seen before. For some reason, the ritual of it put her in mind of a powerful wizard casting a spell with the help of his minion. With mundane objects, Mr. Gold ushered Lacey into a new world of enchantment. 

She opened her mouth to thank Boyd, but stopped herself just in time. She had to remember the game and not talk to anybody. Besides, Mr. Gold hadn’t thanked the waiter, so clearly Miss French didn’t need to either. 

“And have you decided on your order for this evening?”

Boyd was looking at Lacey, but she just smiled and looked at Mr. Gold. She had devoured the menu, salivating over words like “aioli” and “white truffle” and “consommé.” But they had agreed that he would order for her, so she let him. 

Mr. Gold’s mouth slid over the Italian words like he was a native speaker. The waiter wrote down everything and left.

Lacey took a piece of bread and dipped it in olive oil. “Am I allowed to know what you’re feeding me?” 

“Don’t you enjoy surprises?”

Most of the surprises Lacey had gotten in her life had been very, very bad, so she just shrugged. “If I don’t like it, I won’t eat it.”

“You’ll like it.” 

There was a warmth around him now, something relaxed and playful. It was subtle--it wasn’t like he was smiling--but Mr. Gold was always so closed off with people that the tiniest shift made a massive difference. A twinge of triumph went through Lacey at merely recognizing his good mood, let alone possibly being the cause of it. 

She picked up her wine glass and took a sip. Lacey knew exactly enough about wine to know that this was a white and that it was probably supposed to taste as terrible as it did.

Mr. Gold saw her expression. “You don’t care for it?”

Lacey swallowed and picked up her glass of water. “I’m sorry. I’m just not used to beverages that taste bitter.”

“Dry is the term in wine. Yes, I suppose a girl like you would be more accustomed to sugary soft drinks.”

A girl like her. He used the phrase as an insult. Or a challenge. Maybe it was a game that Mr. Gold hadn’t told her the rules to. Maybe he wanted her to be a different type of girl. Maybe he wanted her to be a woman. She picked up her glass again.

“I’m sure I’ll get used to it.” She looked him in the eye before she drank. “I don’t mind bitterness.”

Sip by sip, she finished her glass, then Mr. Gold poured her another. The alcohol made her face hot, but she didn’t feel drunk. Just loose, more relaxed. It wasn’t any different from having beers on the beach with Hunter and his friends. Booze made it easier to let go of things that didn’t matter. And--when dinner arrived--the wine paired very nicely with the scallops in pesto sauce that Mr. Gold had ordered for her.

“This is so good!” Lacey desperately tried to keep from talking with her mouth full. 

“Of course it is.” Mr. Gold cut into his blackened sole. “I wouldn’t offer you anything but the best.”

Dabbing the corners of her mouth with a cloth napkin helped to conceal her smile. “What makes me so deserving of that, Mr. Gold? W-why did you ask me out tonight?”

He gave her a long look. Lacey could practically see the wheels turning in his head. He was figuring out what he wanted to tell her. How much he wanted to reveal of the truth.

“Miss French, I believe you have potential.”

Lacey burst out into a scoff. “Yeah. I know I do. Having potential is my curse.”

Potential. Since she’d graduated, she had come to hate that word. All she had was potential. Wasted potential. Unfulfilled potential. Potential meant working so hard and having so much promise, then abruptly finding out every single promise was a lie. 

“Tell me about that,” Mr. Gold said. “Tell me about yourself.”

It was all too terrible to think about. Too terrible and too mundane. Mr. Gold didn’t want to know about all the things her life had been but weren’t now and never would be again. She couldn’t expect him to care about her childhood hobbies, about Student Council and the Literature Club and sleepovers with Mara and Janine. All the little things that had once defined her were all gone and she was left with nothing.

“I’m empty.” Lacey shook her head. She couldn’t look at him when she said it. “All I have is a job I hate and a family that’s hurting as much as I am. Other than that, I’m just an empty vessel.” Now she looked up. He was staring at her. Their eyes locked together. “I’m waiting to be filled.” 

The lines around his mouth deepened. It wouldn’t be a grin on anyone else, but it was for Mr. Gold. It looked like she’d said the right thing.

“Like I said, Miss French, lots of potential.”

****

When they were done eating, Lacey excused herself to use the restroom. 

“Wait,” Mr. Gold stopped her before she got out of her seat. 

Lacey rolled her eyes. “Is this the part of the evening where you tell me to take off my underwear in the bathroom and hand it to you when I come back?”

He stifled a chuckle, then shook his head. “No, that part will come later. For now, Miss French, I want you to take this--” he reached into his pocket and pulled out a folded fifty dollar bill “--and give it to young Mr. Monger as an apology for coercing him into committing a Class D crime against the people of the great state of Maine. You may tell him this. Make sure you sound appropriately contrite.”

Lacey took the money and scanned the restaurant for Boyd. Part of her wanted to keep it for herself and lie to Mr. Gold about doing as he asked. After all, it was fifty dollars! That was more money than she’d had in her hand since the Christmas rush. It was a week of groceries for her and Dad--two weeks if the sales were right. Marco could probably fix the hot water tank for fifty bucks, if he didn’t need to buy any parts. This was an electric bill, this was a new coat.

This was one day of late fees on the rent to her building.

That thought took the wind out of Lacey’s sails. What was she doing here, with him? Mr. Gold got this money by swindling and exploiting people like her. People like Boyd. She had more in common with that idiot kid than with her actual date. An unexpected fifty could make their month and Mr. Gold tossed it away like parade candy. It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t just.

But she wasn’t Robin Hood. The money wasn’t hers to take. The wrongs of this world weren’t hers to right. It might be more satisfying to tell Mr. Gold where he could stick his fifties, but what would that benefit her? How would that help anyone?

Fuck it. Mr. Gold had invited her on this crazy ride, she might as well go along with him. For one night at least, she could follow his rules and obey his commands. Why not? What else did she have going on?

She found Boyd by the door to the kitchen. 

“Lacey!” he said when he saw her. “Hey, what’s going on tonight? You’ve been acting kind of weird. Is everything okay?”

It was a normal question, but Lacey heard the undercurrent, the blink twice if you need help implication. She heard the unspoken question, What are you doing here, with him?

It pissed her off. Who was this kid to offer to rescue her? Who was he to judge that she needed help? How would he know if she was acting weird? What the hell did this waiter know about Miss French and who she chose to spend her time with?

She held up the fifty between two fingers. “Mr. Gold told me to give you this.” Irritation and inner turmoil made her voice higher-pitched than normal. “He said you deserve a tip for helping to get me drunk.”

“Lacey!” Boyd hissed. He looked around to see if anyone heard. 

“Because obviously the only reason I’d be with Mr. Gold is because he forced me to. And the only way I can stand to be around him is if I’m sauced. No, there’s no way I could enjoy his company. In fact, the only reason I’m going to go back to his house and fuck him tonight is because I’m a gold-digging whore. That’s what you were thinking, wasn’t it?”

“No!” Boyd’s face went twelve different colors in thirty seconds. “No, I swear Lace, I wasn’t--”

“Shut up.” Miss French spun around and tossed the fifty over her shoulder. She didn’t care if the waiter picked it up or not. 

****

She’d just got back from the restroom when that stupid waiter came and dropped off the check. He didn’t speak, or even look at them. He practically ran from the table. 

Mr. Gold regarded the waiter’s retreating form with mild amusement. “What did you do to him?”

“I’m not gonna lie to you, Mr. Gold: I did not make him think I was sorry.”

The lines around his mouth deepened. He pulled out a wad of bills and placed several fifties in the little black check presenter. Then he took his cane and stood up out of the booth. He extended his hand to Lacey.

“Shall we?”

She put her hand in his. It looked so big compared to hers. He helped her out of the booth. Arm in arm, they walked to the lobby.

“Stay inside a moment, I’ll bring the car around.”

“Where are you going to drive me?” she called after him.

Mr. Gold turned around. His dark eyes glinted with something between mischief and pleasure.

“My place.”  

[android-and-ale]

Fancy Hot Chocolate Hacks

Cheap extracts.

That's it. Really.

Instead of spending $10 on a box that only has 6 pouches (yes, I am bitter about inflation!) buy the biggest, bog-standard generic multi-pack you can afford. (I picked up a box of 50 packets of Swiss Miss for $7 at Costco. Your mileage may vary.) Then head to the baking aisle.

You only need about 1/8 tsp of extract per mug of cocoa, so a standard 2 oz bottle goes a long way.

The most common flavors you can find at most groceries are:

Vanilla

Almond

Orange

Lemon

Strawberry

Coconut

Cinnamon

Peppermint/Mint

Pretty much everything but the cinnamon or mint will get an amazing flavor boost if you also add anywhere from a few drops up to 1/8 tsp almond extract. Seriously. It's magic.

Flavor combination recommendations:

1/8 tsp each Vanilla and Almond - tastes like a better version of the Hazelnut packets. Try adding a tiny pinch of salt, too.

1/8 tsp Orange - tastes like those seasonal slam-ball Chocolate Oranges

1/8 tsp Strawberry and a couple drops each of Almond and Vanilla - strawberry shortcake chocolate and it is so good

1/8 tsp each Orange and Almond with a few drops of vanilla - once more, so very very good. Add a couple extra oz of hot water/milk, because the flavors will be a little strong

1/8 tsp coconut with a few drops of vanilla - tastes like a chocolate macaroon

1/8 tsp cinnamon - way better than peppermint, which seems to have an unexpected chemical aftertaste

Salted Caramel Substitutes worth trying:

2 tsp honey, 1/8 tsp almond extract, pinch of salt - add an extra 2 oz of water when mixing this up or it'll be too sweet

1-2 tsp maple syrup, 1/8 tsp vanilla, 2-3 drops almond, pinch of salt - again, add a little extra water

Any caramel syrup (or even baking chips) you have on hand + a pinch of salt

So you're feeling fancy?

The Internet has a world of extract flavors beyond the grocery store standards. Good hot chocolate mix-ins include:

Caramel (if you don't want to bother with sugary syrups)

Mango (yes, really! This also tastes nice with a little bit of coconut extract added in)

Pistachio (plus some almond. trust me!)

Cherry (once more, also try adding some vanilla and/or almond)

Blueberry (it's like those chocolate covered blueberries at the check out aisle. Once more, try also adding a little vanilla and/or almond to taste)

Three more cheap, easy hacks:

Brew a cup of your favorite mint tea then mix in a packet of hot cocoa powder. This will still taste better than most peppermint extracts.

Brew a cup of coffee then mix in a packet of hot cocoa powder. Congrats. Now you have a mocha. Try adding some vanilla or almond extract.

Add 1 tsp Pumpkin Pie Spice. This is good on its own, but you can also use it as the base for a passable PSL. Start with a brewed cup of coffee, a packet of hot cocoa, and some pumpkin pie spice. Add your vanilla and almond extracts, then dilute the whole mess with your favorite type of milk. If you like it sweeter, add a second packet of hot cocoa mix.