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redgoldsparks · 8 days ago

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June Reading and Reviews by Maia Kobabe

I post my reviews throughout the month on Storygraph and Goodreads, and do roundups here and on patreon. Reviews below the cut.

Gaysians by Mike Curato

With deep compassion and ferocious wit, Curato introduces a Seattle-based queer Asian friend group in all of their messy glory. The Boy Luck Club, as they style themselves, are searching for love, for sex, for jobs, for safety, for community and a place to belong. Between brunches and drag shows they fight and make up, learn how to love each other, learn how to love themselves, show up for each other, fail to show up for each other, and then show up a hundred times more powerfully in glitter and heels. I've been hunting for books like this my whole life; this story broke my heart and healed it. I had the extreme pleasure of reading this book early and giving it a blurb, but it's out on shelves now! I highly recommend you check it out! And look up Mike Curato on insta, he has a pretty extensive book tour planned this summer. Maybe you can see him in person :D

The Orphans of Raspay by Lois McMaster Bujold read by Grover Gardener

Bujold continues to enjoy throwing Penric into Situations, often ones where he seems to be doing the Bastard god's will in the world of humans but with no specific directives. But when Penric's ship is captures by pirates (claimed by the Bastard) and he is thrown into the hold with a pair of orphans (claimed by the Bastard), who are daughters of a sex worker (claimed by the Bastard), Penric can take the broad hint that his task here is to rescue them. But he must at the same time rescue himself!

The Physicians of Vilnoc by Lois McMaster Bujold read by Grover Gardener

Unfortunately this is the weakest of the series so far, but the next one is a full length novel instead of a novella so I'm excited to see what happens next!

Weirdo by Tony Weaver Jr illustrated by Jes & Cin Wibowo

This story centers 11 year old Tony, a nerdy Black writer and anime fan, who is bullied at school to the point of becoming suicidal before his parents intervene and move him to a different school. At the new school, and with a therapist, Tony rebuilds his confidence and makes friends with the other quirky kids in the literature club. This book is clearly in part based on the author's life, and in part fictionalized; it ended up feeling a bit awkwardly caught between memoir and fiction for me. I loved the book's ultimate message, but I think I am not it's target audience.

Young Hag and the Witches Quest by Isabel Greenberg

I love an Arthurian retelling and this one was inventive and original. Young Hag is the daughter of a witch and a granddaughter of a witch, but she is disappointed to learn after her naming ceremony that there is no more magic in Britain. Fifty years earlier, Merlin was sealed into a tree, the sword Excalibur was broken, and the doors between the human realm and the Otherworld were shut. But who closed them, and why? And what does it mean when human babies are suddenly getting replaced by Faerie changlings, and knights ride giant cats, and old secrets begin coming to light? The art is scratchy and wild, coloring done in a limited palette that suits the magically shadowed and misted landscapes of this world of story. If you enjoyed Spear by Nicola Griffith or The Winter Prince by Elizabeth Wein or The Once and Future King by TH White you should read this one as well.

Banned Together: Our Fight For Readers Rights edited by Ashley Hope Pérez

A powerful and diverse collection of stories, essays, poems, comics, and information on how book bans are affecting authors, schools, teachers and communities. If you want to know what the authors of frequently challenged books have to say about it, this is a good place to start! I am biased, because I have a comic in this book, but it's a very strong collection.

The Gulf by Adam de Souza

In the early 2000s, high school Oli struggles with frustration over the state of the world. The adults around her are preoccupied by jobs, dishes, credit card debts, and keep pressuring her to make choices about college or her future. The news is full of disasters, wars, inequality; she just wants to go somewhere were she can live meaningfully, unplugged from the system and doing no harm. She comes up with the scheme: run away after high school with her two best friends to a commune she's learned about on an island off the coast of Vancouver. But Oli isn't very good at planning. She's hotheaded and reckless, and the runaway trip gets off to a rocky start after a fight a school and loosing the backpack of camping supplies she carefully packed. Can she even find the commune, and if she can, what will it look like when she arrives? What about the other teens she's dragged into her haphazard search for an ethical life? This is a wonderful comic, well paced, funny, adventurous, and wise. The characters feel authentically human, full of yearning and good intentions, but often making bad choices or painful mistakes. Highly recommend!

Blackouts by Justin Torres

The majority of this book is set in a single room in which two gay men- one young, one dying- talk about, around, and through queer histories. The unlikely pair met years before during a brief overlapping stay in a mental institution. The older, Juan, shares the story of a real-world lesbian researcher, Jan Gay, who helped facilitate a series of interviews with queer people in the 1930s, which later formed the bases of a book titled Sex Variants: A Study of Homosexual Patterns. Juan has a personal connection with Gay, as well as a copy of Sex Variants, with much of the clinical jargon blacked out to highlight queer people's stories in their own words. Excerpts of these blacked out pages as well as photographs and drawings are included in the text of this book, which is billed as a novel, but clearly contains a strong vein of history. Frankly, I would rather have just read a nonfiction book about Jan Gay's life, or of queer life in the 1930s. The novel elements, formal elements, and history all sat kind of awkwardly side by side for me. I read this in a queer book club, and we were all underwhelmed by it. All of us are aware of the persistent problem of the erasure of queer history; all of us wished the author had taken the theme farther; and all of us had seen more interesting and creative examples of blackout poetry on tumblr or in zines.

I’m So Glad We Had This Time Together by Maurice Vellekoop

This is a beautifully drawn, aesthetically powerful memoir of the author's life up until his late 30s. Raised by Dutch immigrants in blue-collar Toronto in the 1970s, Vellekoop writes about the art, music, movies, and books which fired his imagination as a child, of the bullying and gay-bashing he suffered from in school and in his twenties, of influential teachers, friends, failed loves, and his growing art career. A cherub and a demon, manifestations of the author's optimism and pessimism, often comment from the sides of the panel as he wrestles with a life-long depression and self doubt. The book ran a little long for me- I think the last third could have been edited down- but I also happily read this over just a few days and luxuriated in the colors and visuals.

Rainbow Boys by Alex Sanchez read by Alston Brown

This book is almost 25 years old! It was fun to revisit one of the foundational queer texts of my high school years (and be reminded of the feature of baby Matt Bomber, not yet famous, on the original cover). It was surprising how much of this story still felt current. I think the structure, which features three POV characters, each at a very different point along their journeys of self-knowledge and self-acceptance, really helps keep the story feeling relevant a quarter century after its release.

Big Jim and The White Boy by David F Walker and Marcus Kwame Anderson, colors by Isabell Struble

This is a rich and inventive book which goes far beyond a simple retelling of "Huckleberry Finn" from Jim's POV. This story winds through multiple generations of Jim's family as they tell and retell Jim's story, from the kidnapping of his enslaved wife and children, his voyage on the Mississippi, battles in the Civil War, and time spent as an agent of the Underground Railroad. Jim is the main character here, and his courage is front and center. His story is retold in scenes set in the 1930s, 1980s, and 2020s, as grandparents speak to grandchildren, show family photos, and stress the important of memory, retelling, and writing. History is not always told by the victors, Jim's great-great-great-grand daughter says, but by those who take the time to put pen to paper and record it.

Notes from a Regicide by Isaac Fellman

In a future so distant it feels like the past, a trans journalist, Griffon Keming, writes about the parents who adopted him as a teenager. They took him away from an abusive home, paid for his transition, and tried to love him and raise him as well as they could but they were deeply damaged by their own pasts. They were both artists and revolutionaries who helped topple a monarchy on the small island kingdom they called home before fleeing to a New York almost unrecognizable to ours. Griffon's narration is woven through a journal written by his adopted father while in prison, suffering from a disabling injury, alcoholism and grief, thinking the love of his life was already dead. This story has an ornate Baroque heaviness to the aesthetic and world building that make it feel like historical fiction despite some science fiction elements. It's a weird, nonlinear book which takes its own time to reveal its secrets and sweetness. I have no idea what to compare it to and I had such a good time with it! At its core it the story of a found family of trans folks surviving, broken but unbowed, systems that sought to crush them. It feels timely and timeless.

The Incandescent by Emily Tesh read by Zara Ramm

Doctor Walden, 38, bisexual, single, is one of the most power magicians in the field of demon summoning and control in England, but she said no to a lucrative Department of Defense job to instead serve as the Director of Magic at Chetwood Academy instead. Chetwood is a boarding school; in fact it was Walden's boarding school, when she was a teenage magic student. But now her days are filled with faculty meetings, grading, teaching the senior level summoning class, and wrangling the imps that constantly infest the office copy machine. She thinks she has her life and her calendar under control, but that's before the distractingly attractive head of campus security starts asking uncomfortable questions and the senior students summon a demon big enough to devour the entire school. Walden's comfortable routines are thrown into disarray, she sleeps with an inadvisable colleague, and through it all an even more dangerous creature stirs just under the surface of her own skin. I had a very good time with this; it was refreshing to read a magic school story from a teacher's POV instead of a student.

Dragonsong by Anne McCaffery read by Sally Darling

I'm so happy I decided to revisit this book 20 or more years after I read it for the first time. Pern is such an interesting and well developed world, mostly fantasy but with a few sci-fi elements that still feel as original today as I'm sure they did in the 1976 when this was first published. While listening to this first book I was struck by some overlapping themes with Alanna, by Tamora Pierce published in 1983 and Magic's Pawn by Mercades Lackey published in 1989. All three are about a young person who wants to pursue a career forbidden by their strict or emotionally distant parents; all three have to run away/lie to their parents to follow their calling; all three suffer in silence and secret before finally having their innate talents finally recognized and celebrated by the adults in a chosen family around them. All three were also published before the YA genre was as well defined as it is today which lead to choices I'm not sure a contemporary book would get away with. In Dragonsong the POV floats somewhat freely between the lead teen, Menolly, her parents, and a few other adults in the seaside hold where she was born. The first glimpse we get of Menolly isn't from her own POV but a conversation between her parents worrying about how she does not fit well into their survival-focused fishing community. It's such an interesting writing choice that really serves this story well, and flies in the face of most "writing for teens" advice I see today.

I’ll Love You Forever: Notes from a Kpop Fan by Giaae Kwon

I first discovered Giaae Kwon's writing through a series of excellent and insightful personal essays on kpop published by Catapult, and was delighted when she sold this collection around the same themes. Kwon grew up in a conservative Korean church community in Los Angeles and discovered kpop in its first generation with the group H.O.T. in the late 1990s. This gives her a long view of the industry which has exploded in popularity globally and especially in the US in the past few years. Each essay in this collection focuses on a different group or soloist as its anchor point but the essays range into Korean history and Kwon's personal life. Major content warnings for this book include a lot of references to weight, body shaming, dieting, depression, and suicidal thoughts. The essays aren't equally strong; unfortunately, I thought the BTS essay was one of the weaker ones of the collection, though that might be because BTS is one of very few groups I have actually been following longer than the author. But many of the other essays absolutely hit; the pieces on Tablo (member of Epik High), Taeyeon (member of Girl's Generation) and Shinhwa (longest running still active kpop group) all stand out as shining high lights. The whole collection is absolutely worth a read, and will especially speak to anyone who has been following kpop for long enough to be at least passingly, or deeply, familiar with groups from all five generations of kpop and an interest in the industry as a whole.

Everything Is Fine, I’ll just Work Harder by Cara Gormally

This is a thoughtful and intimate memoir of processing trauma, which goes into the mechanics of how EMDR therapy works the point of view of someone who is both a patient and scientific researcher. Cara is a very busy and successful academic who packs as much into their days as possible, until a facebook friend notification from the man who raped them in college shakes them out of their routine and forces them to face memories and feelings they've been suppressing for years. Cara models and documents the long, nonlinear process of healing and learning to be kinder and gentler with their own brain, body, and emotions.

Magnolia Wu Unfolds It All by Chanel Miller

Magnolia lives in New York City with her parents, who run a laundry mat. She doesn't really have any friends, aside from their dog, Mr Pants... until Iris arrives with her mother from California. Iris is nervous about navigating New York on her own, but helps Magnolia dream up a plan to solve an ongoing mystery and explore the city at the same time. This is a very gentle story for young readers, but I was charmed by its whimsy and the black and white illustrations and cover at drawn by the author herself. I am very ready to read everything Chanel Miller ever publishes!

#comics #book reviews #reading #comic book reviews #maia kobabe

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astolfocinema · 26 days ago

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Dinner in America (2020) -------------------- dir. Adam Carter Rehmeier cin. Jean-Philippe Bernier cs. USA

#dinner in america #Adam Carter Rehmeier #jean-philippe bernier #kyle gallner #emily skeggs #2020 movies #2020 #american cinema

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witchygagirlwrites · 2 months ago

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Cinder-Part 7

Kevin Atwater x Reader (nicknamed Cinder)

As you and Kevin take a big step towards your future a hiccup from your past pops up

Warnings: Mention of an abusive ex

Intelligence was in the midst of working a case so Kevin had been holding longer hours than normal. The perks of being Trudy’s niece and Hank knowing you so well however meant just because you were technically off duty meant you didn’t have to leave the precinct. You still got to see Kevin and hang around until he finally got off so you wouldn’t have to go home alone.

Tonight was one of those nights. You were sitting on Erin’s desk, helping to go over surveillance photos because in Hank’s words “If you’re gonna be here Cinder, I’m putting your ass to work” you didn’t mind. “When are you two gonna realize you’re spending money on rent when he owns his place?” Erin asked and you damn near spilled the coffee you just raised to your lips “Excuse me?”

She nodded across the room to where Kevin was talking to Adam and Kim. “You’re here when you got off an hour ago. You spend every night together. You’re in love with him, he’s in love with you. Why the hell are you still spending money on rent? We’re all just waiting for a ring” “ERIN!” you gasped and Jay twisted around in his chair to look at the two of you and you grinned “Spin back around pretty boy. No one called you” he grinned “I’ll let that one go because you called me pretty” you shook your head with a laugh.

You looked back at Erin “He hasn’t asked and I’m not exactly gonna show up like a lost puppy on his doorstep” she laughed “I bet he wants to” you shook your head “Aren’t we supposed to be going over surveillance photos?” she rolled her eyes “Fine, use the job as an avoidance method”

“What was with Lindsay?” Kevin asked as the two of you laid in bed. You were curled up to his chest and laughed lightly “You know Erin, thinks she can read me like a book” he nodded slowly “She can, so should I ask her what’s going on or is my girl gonna talk to me now?”

You hide your face in his chest “It’s nothing baby, I swear” he nodded and you felt him shift before one of his hands was cupping the side of your face to force you to look him in the eyes “Ok, now let's try that one more time with you actually looking at me and maybe I’ll believe it”

You sighed “This was her, not me” he nodded so you laughed lightly “She was teasing me that I’m wasting money on rent and you own your place when we spend every night together as is” he nodded slowly and you felt your heart drop. Damn Erin, now he would think you were the one pushing things. How the hell could you backtrack this? Did you want to live with him full time? Yes, you’d love to. Did you want to lose him by admitting that? HELL NO.

“Kev, I didn’t….” you tried and he cut you off “So you’re saying you’d be against it?” you froze “What?” he nodded “I was planning to ask you, didn’t realize Erin was gonna beat me to it but damn here it is. Cin, you want to ditch your damn lease and move in with me baby? I love you, I’m in love with you. I can’t imagine life without you so do you want to live with me?”

You felt your heart leap up into your chest as you nodded “Yes, I’d love to Kevin” “Yeah?” he asked, a smile growing on his face. “Yes!” you replied a little firmer this time and he pulled you over on top of him where you had to straddle his waist “Good, now what’s this I hear about you calling Halstead pretty” you rolled your eyes “Good lord Atwater, who am I currently on top of?” and he grinned “Attagirl” and pulled you down into a kiss.

“So, you’re finally moving in with Atwater! I’m so proud” Billy teased you. You rolled your eyes “You’re a pain in the ass you know that” he grinned “I know and yet you still love me” you laughed “Trudy is my aunt, remember that” he nodded “Good point”

The last few days you’d been moving little by little to Kevin’s. Jay had taken a good dent in his truck. Your apartment was getting rather empty but the plan was to be completely moved by the fifteenth because that’s when the lease needed to be renewed. “I’m happy for you Cinder” he added and you smiled “Thank you, I really love him Billy. I don’t know how I found someone like Kevin after the ones I was with”

“Luck of the draw? Your aunt finally getting you to the twenty first? Some cosmic bullshit?” you laughed “And this is why we’re such good partners Martell” he grinned “You and me Platt, till the end”

_____________________

He pulled into the parking lot of the twenty first and you felt your stomach drop when you saw the red camaro parked near your jeep. He must have seen the change in you because he looked from you to it “You know that car” it was a statement, not a question.

“Remember me telling you about Bryan?” he nodded “Your ex that tried to hit you, the one that was mentally abusive as hell. The one that Lindsay threatened to kill?” you nodded “That’s him”

“Oh hell no” he cursed, throwing the squad car into park and grabbing his phone. “Wait! What are you doing?” “Calling Kevin?” he offered and you shook your head “Intelligence is mid case. I can’t pull him off when I don’t even know why Bryan is here. It could be a coincidence” “And him parked near your jeep?” Billy asked and you swallowed hard “Just stay with me and it’ll be fine”

“Oh I’m not leaving you one step” he offered as you both climbed out the squad car and headed for the front door of the precinct. You heard your name being called and your shoulders stiffened. He’d always refused to call you by Cinder. You turned to face him, feeling Billy moved to be on your left side “What are you doing here Bryan?”

He looked from you to Billy “I heard you were at the twenty first, had to see for myself. You look good” Billy scoffed and Bryan looked at him “Is there a problem?” Billy glared at him “Why are you even speaking to her?”

Bryan tried to bow up at him but Billy just smirked “Don’t boy, just don’t”

You slid between them “You have no business here Bryan” he grinned “You begged me to take you back at one time” “Funny how mental abuse affects a person” Billy growled.

You squared your shoulders “That was before you tried to hit me, cheated and Lindsay tried to kill you. I don’t need or want you. Now leave”

He looked from you to Billy “Alright, I’ll leave but I’ll be back because you’re mine Y/N you and me both know it” you shook your head “Come back around me and I won’t stop Erin asshole. I’ll help her” bastard had the nerve to wink at you before turning and walking towards his car.

“Please don’t tell Kevin he was here” you pleaded, only looking back at Billy once you were sure Bryan was out of the parking lot. He shook his head “I don’t want to lie to Kevin” “If he asks you if my ex was here you can tell him but if he doesn’t ask, don’t tell” he crossed his arms over his chest “And Trudy?” you sighed “I’ll talk to her”

He shook his head “Ok, just promise me you won’t go anywhere alone. I know you can handle yourself but I don’t trust that asshole” “I promise”

Kevin was walking through the lobby and heard you talking to Trudy or it sounded more so like you arguing with Trudy. He didn’t like that. You hardly ever argued with her. He started to just walk on up the stairs, mind his business and hope you’d tell him later but then he spotted Billy.

The other man caught his eye and nodded towards the back hallway. He raised an eyebrow at that. The unspoken words were clear. Billy was telling him to listen to whatever was going on and if there was one thing he knew, partners had a habit of picking up tidbits about each other's lives even when they didn’t mean to. On top of that you and Billy were as close as he was with Kim.

Kevin stepped towards the hallway and heard the end of Trudy’s argument “No, I don’t care how old you are, it is still my job to look out for you. You should have told me that bastard came here. You need to tell Kevin, he has the right to know” that made him freeze in his tracks. You were keeping something from him? Something about another man, another man Trudy hated from the sounds of it.

“I don’t want Kevin to know” your voice came and he felt his heart twist. So you were purposely keeping secrets from him. “Why?” he asked, walking around the corner. You looked like a damn kid caught kicking a cat and Trudy looked like the principal when the parent walked in on their side.

“Kev, it’s not what it sounds like baby” you tried and he crossed his arms “It sounds like my girlfriend arguing with her aunt because someone came here that her aunt doesn’t like and my girlfriend doesn’t want me to know about. Am I up to speed Sarge?” Trudy nodded “That’s pretty much it”

You took a deep breath “It’s my ex, Bryan Ryker” “That bastard that tried to hit you?” he asked and you nodded “He was parked next to my jeep, said how he’ll be back because I’m his and I should know that” “Let him come” Kevin growled and you ducked your head “That’s why I didn’t want to tell you”

His heart fell further “Why?” when you raised your head there were tears in your eyes “Because I don’t want you getting in trouble by defending me. For god’s sake I’m a cop. I should be able to defend myself. I should never have been that weak to begin with”

His anger quickly faded “Angel, no. Don’t you ever call yourself weak for someone else hurting you” he pulled you into his arms and Trudy nodded to him “I’ll pull up surveillance so you know what he looks like” “Thanks Sarge” she walked out, leaving the two of you alone. You laid your head over on Kevin’s chest “Everything was going good, I just don’t want my whole life to implode again. I’m at a good precinct. I’m with family, I’m in love with a good man, I’m moving in with that man. I don’t want to lose any of that”

“You won’t baby but you got to tell me when stuff happens, ok?” he asked and you nodded “Ok” he leaned down to brush a kiss against your lips “Stay close with Martell, I’ll handle Ryker if he has the balls to show up here again. I promise you that and if he dont… I’ll get Voight to find him” “I love you Kevin” you whispered and he smiled “I love you too Cinder”

You honestly didn’t give Bryan another thought the rest of the day. Somehow after telling Trudy and Kevin it was like a weight was lifted off your shoulders. You started to walk out to your jeep to grab the spare uniform shirt you’d borrowed from Billy a few days before so you could give it back. He was still in the locker room changing and as far as you knew Kevin was upstairs finishing up reports so the two of you could head home.

You didn’t even get all the way to your parking space before you heard your name being called. You froze and turned to see that damn red camaro parked on the street. You shook your head and turned back around. Fuck the shirt, Billy could come by Kevin’s and get it. You didn’t realize Bryan was at the corner of the building. He grabbed your arm and tried to pull you towards him “Just talk to me baby!”

“We have nothing to talk about!” you snatched your arm away and he scoffed “Fucking bitch” you stepped back from him, bracing yourself for his anger. You knew how he was. His fist balled up at his side and you braced yourself for a fight. You weren’t the same woman you were then.

You hadn’t realized Billy had noticed your absence and summoned Kevin or that Kevin had come out the downstairs exit Intelligence used. Bryan took a step towards you and lifted his hand but before he could ever attempt to swing he was down on the ground, your boyfriend on top of him “You son of a bitch”

Kevin hit him a good six times before Adam, Jay and Billy managed to pull him off. Kevin snatched away from them as Adam snatched Bryan to his feet. “Cinder, are you ok baby?” Kevin asked, pulling you into his arms. It was only then you realized you were shaking slightly “I’m ok, he didn’t touch me. He wasn’t able to”

“Let’s see we have stalking, attempted assault…intent” Adam started reading off as Hank walked out the back, glaring at Bryan “And I’m sure there’s some people who would love for me to owe them a favor in lock up” Bryan glared at Kevin, despite the fact that one of his eyes was in the process of swelling shut and his lip was bleeding “She isn’t worth it”

“I’ll fucking kill..” Kevin went after him again but you grabbed his arm “Baby don’t” he slipped his arm around you, eyes not leaving Bryan “I’ll let lock up handle you. I got my girl”

_______________________

Once everything was settled Kevin decided to just get Adam to drop his suv off on his way home so both of you drove your jeep to his place. You were silent in the driver’s seat, Kevin’s hand reached over to your thigh.

“I’m sorry I went down alone” you whispered when you finally parked in front of Kevin’s place. He squeezed your thigh “No baby, you weren’t in the wrong. That bastard was, I’m just sorry any sorry excuse for a man ever was near you” you smiled and put your hand on top of his “Well I got an actual man now with no plans to ever let him go”

He smiled, turning his hand to lace your fingers “I love you and while we’re talking I heard you call this my place a time or two. Don’t do that. This is our place from now on” you grinned “Ok love” he smiled “Now come here” and pulled you across the jeep which made a laugh fall from you when you had no choice but to straddle him in the small space. “I love you so damn much” he spoke softly and you smiled “I love you so damn much”

He pulled you into a kiss, flicking his tongue into your mouth and you damn near melted against his chest. “Can we go in so we’re not steaming the windows when Adam drops your ride off?” you laughed and he grinned “Good idea”

Part 8

@elvenpirate51

@forensicgirl99

#kevin atwater x you #kevin atwater x reader #kevin atwater drabble #chicago pd fanfic #chicago pd fic #one chicago fanfic #chicago pd fanfiction

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kitapkontu · 2 months ago

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Hadi bi hikaye anlatayım

Eski bir hikaye var, sadece hikaye gerçek yaşantı değil. Bir kış günü akşam vakti ıssız dağlık tepelik bi yerde eski bir minibüsün içinde yolcular var. Minibüs çok zor ilerliyor çünkü dağlık alanların karı, fırtınası başka olur. Oldukça da eski bir araç zaten. Böyle ilerlerken tahmin edebileceğiniz gibi yolda kalıyorlar. Minibüs dolu. Yaşlı, genç, kadın, erkek, çocuk yani her şekilde yolcu var minibüste. Yardım çağırabilecek durumları da yok o esnada. Çünkü eski bir hikaye ve cep telefonu, internet gibi şeyler yok. Zaten olsalar da şehirlerde zor çeken operatörler orda pek de işe yaramaz gibi. Neyse yolcuların içinde bir adam var hikayemizin baş kahramanı ve iki aynı köyden askere gitmiş, askerliklerini bitirip köylerine dönmeye çalışan genç var. Baş kahramanımız minibüstekilerin uyarısına uymayıp minibüsten inip köye yürüyerek gitmek istiyor veya başka bir vasıta bulmaya çalışarak. Çünkü bu adamın eşi hamileymiş ve kadın doğurmak üzereymiş bu da yanında olmak istiyor. Kimseyi dinlemeden iniyor minibüsten ve o iki askerden dönen gençte ona eşlik ediyor. Bunlar yakın köyden oldukları için baya bir yolu beraber gideriz birbirimizi kollarız diye düşünüyorlar. Askerlerden biri hafif korkak ama arkadaşını da yanlız bırakacak gibi biri değil. Beraberce çıkıyorlar yola ama göz gözü görmüyor, acaip bir kar fırtınası var, her yer dağlık taşlık ve tabi ki olmazsa olmaz kurt sesleri. Biraz ilerledikten sonra nefesleri kesiliyor ama kuytu bi yer yok her yer bembeyaz, bırakın sığınacak yeri ağaç yeşili bile göremiyorlar. İki asker biraz pişman yakınıyor ama diğer adam eşine yetişmek için ölümü göze almış yiğit bir adam. Yine de kırklı yaşlarda bu adamı da çok kötü etkiliyor bu tipi. Elleriyle karı biraz eşip içine sığınıyorlar bi süre ama sürekli yaklaşan ve çoğalan kurt sesleri orda güvenli olmadıklarını belirtiyor onlara. Son bi gayretle birbirlerine tutuna tutuna ne yana gittiklerini bile kestiremeden yürümeye başlıyorlar tekrar. Soğuk, yorgunluk derken bir de açlık geldi mi iyice yorgun düşüyorlar. Askerlerden biri ; beni burda bırakın siz gidin dese de arkadaşı sırtına yaslayıp kendiyle onu da sürüklüyor. Tam hepsi düştüğü sırada bi yanık kokusu alıyorlar. Bi yerden duman tütüyor. Yorgunluk ve açlığın etkisiyle hayal gördüklerini sanıyorlar. Çünkü etrafta hiçbir barınak, ev felan bir şey yok. Her yer sonsuz bir beyazlık gibi. Ama hafif bir tepenin başında üstünde hayvan postuyla duran bir adam görüyorlar. Adamın gerçek olduğunu gördüklerinde ise onu bir evliya veya kutsal biri sanıyorlar. Özellikle biraz korkak olan asker bunun peri, cin gibi bir varlık sanarak nerdeyse dili tutuluyor. Çünkü bu havada burda bi insanın olması garip bir durum onlar için. Adam bunları farkettiğinde üçü de açlık ve yorgunluktan bayılıyorlar. Adam ve o sırada köpeğiyle çalı çırpı toplamaktan dönen oğlu bu üçünü ateşin başına taşıyorlar üstlerini örtüp dinlenmelerini sağlıyorlar..

( Şimdi ben uzun uzun yazıyorum kimse de okumaz 😊 ama napiyim insan uzun şeyler yazınca sanki karşıdakiyle konuşuyor gibi hissediyor. Normal de böyle uzun hikayeler anlattığım veya konuştuğum kimse olmadığından uzun yazmak iyi geliyor )

Hikaye burda bitmiyor tabi ki ama kaç kişi görüp okuyacak bilmediğimden şimdilik bu kadar kısmını atiyim baktık insanlar uzun felan demiyor okuyorlar o zaman devamını ve başka başka eski hikayelerde anlatırım.. Cut 🪓

@kitapkontu

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yurekbali · 1 month ago

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“Edip Cansever” Anısına... *** Viran Bağ’a gidemedik. Dört yıldır, her bahar Viran Bağ’a gideceğiz, gidemiyoruz. ‘Seni Viran Bağ’a götürmeden ölecek değilim ya’, demeleri boş. Edip öldü. Yazılmamış uzun ada şiirini, yaşanacak günlerin en güzellerini değilse de, mutlaka çok şiirlilerini, kalemine düşmeyi bekleyen doğmamış armonileri, güne çıkmamış imgeleri bıraktı, öldü. İstanbul’u, Pasajı, Beşiktaş’ı, Bebek’i, alkolü, otelleri, hüzünleri, aşkları, acıları, yalnızlıkları, bizleri... piç gibi bırakıp öldü. Sadece ölümünü aldı yanına, giderken sevgili arkadaşım Edip. Neler almalıyım yanıma dedi, dedi de, bir ölümünü aldı. Ölümü şiirlemek için. ‘Doğruyu söyleyen yalnız/ O mu, Rilke mi/ Ölümünü içinde taşıyan.’ derken, ölümünü böyle erken, böyle apansız dışavuracağını bilir miydi? Her şiir için bin sancı çeken ve hep ‘kendine sızan kocaman bir oyuk’ olan şair, dünyayı kocamandan da öte bir oyuk hâline koyan ölümünü, gözünü kırpmadan ölüversin? Acılar da acıdı artık, yıllar eskidi, epridi ve Edip derken, şiir derken, ‘zamanın minesi soldu.’ Bir uğursuz sırayı izler gibi, bir hedefin 12’sinde omuz omuza verip durmuş gibi, art arda ölenlerin sonuncusuyla, has şair Edip Cansever’le, ölüm güzelleşti artık benim için. O, ölümün artık kopkoyu bir karanlık, bir ürkütücü boşluk, dehşet verici bir yalnızlık olmayışıdır. Ölümün bir ülke... hayır, bir otel oluşudur. Lobisinde yine buluşulacak ve artık hep orada, hep birlikte olunacak şiir dolu bir otel oldu ölüm. ‘Yok denecek bir şey ama var, var.’ Ölüme inanmasak da, bize hayatı güzelleştirenlerin ölümüne hiç inanmasak da, ölüm var. Ama, yok denecek bir şey. Ölümden geriye bir şey kalıyordur mutlaka. Kalmaz olur mu? Mesela, Edip iki insansa; ‘Doğanın bana verdiği bu ödülden Çıldırıp yitmemek için İki insan gibi kaldım Birbiriyle konuşan iki insan.’ diyerek seyir defterinin başına yazmışsa bunu; biri ölmüş, öbürü kalmıştır o iki insanın. ‘Görmediğimiz bir yanı da yaşamın/ Onun dile geçme tutkusu’, demiştir o. Tüm yaşamı dile geçmiştir Edip’in, şiire geçmiştir. Tutkusuna dokunabiliriz parmaklarımızla. Ölmemiştir. Ama, biçimli, uzun parmaklı elleri kadeh ve kalem tutamayacaktır artık, aydınlık ve sevecen gülüşü, (r)leri hafifçe yuvarlayan sesiyle, ‘Özledim seni reis, yine özledim’, diyemeyecektir. Öyleyse, ölmüştür. ‘Anılarda görünür, düşlerde görünmez insan Düşlerde görünen anlamlardır Özelliklerdir bir de belli belirsiz Ve İnsansız anı yoktur. Var mıdır?’ Edip Cansever’den, Türkçenin bu en şiire adanmış şairinden, kendisinin de saymadığı İkindi Üstü’yü saymazsak, on beş şiir kitabı kaldı. Bir de on beş yıllık çok sevgili dostluğun anıları. O anılar ki, hepsi Edip’in şiiriyle karılmıştır. Daha taptaze duran acısı, kendisine yaşamın içinde bir yer bulup çökünceye kadar, ne şiirinin çökesi var, ne anılarının. Acı iyice çöktükten sonra ise, sonrası kalacak: Şiirler, anılar. Demek ki, nerede bir tünekte rakı bardaklı bir adam görsek: Edip. ‘Cin bitti.’ Nerede bir Selahattin Pınar... onun sesi. ‘Ayrılık yaman kelime.’ Ne zaman bir şiir, hele, ille de Phoenix... ezberden düetimiz: ‘Orası bir ölümdür şarabımı doyuran Ölünen yüzler gibi bir bütündür adamlar Vaftizi gün ışığında bir garip protestan Tanrısıyla sevişir; herkes bilir sevişmeyi o kadar Kim ne derse desin, ben bu günü yakıyorum Yeniden doğmak için çıkardığım yangından.’ Ve değil mi ki İstanbul’da yaşıyoruz, İstanbul’suz kalmış gibi de olsak (‘Ne gelir elimizden insan olmaktan başka’); öyleyse ver elini İstanbul’un şairi Edip Cansever, İstanbul’un insanları, Edip’in insanları... birimiz kalsak soluk alan, soluk alacak olanlar: Oltacı Eyüp, Yakup, dökümcü Niko, fener bekçisi Salih, kontrbas öğretmeni Rıza, hizmetçi Firdevs, Ester, Cemile, Cemal, Seniha... Bir kitabın iç kapağında el yazısıyla ‘Ağlama artık, bak işte Ruhi Bey geldi’, ile Ruhi Bey, cenaze kaldırıcısı Adem (bir bütün öğleden sonra arayıp akşamına bulduğumuz, bana gösterdiği, orada bıraktığımız), kürk tamircisi Yorgo, Lusin ile Vartuhi, Diran ile Armenak, Stepan...

‘Ve tuhaf bir şekilde bir uçuruma akıyoruz Ne düşmek, ne sarkmak, ne gitmek bir parça ileriye Öylece kalıyoruz Öylece kalıyoruz Öylece kalıyoruz.’ Sevdiklerimiz azalıyor, bizi sevenler azalıyor, sevilesi insan azalıyor, şiir azalıyor yaşamımızdan. O zaman işte bütün renkler sarıya kesiyor. Ta ‘Umutsuzlar Parkı’ndan, ‘Düşlüyor Ölümünü Ruhi Bey’e iki dize akıyor: ‘Ben ki bir ölüyü beklemekle geçirdim geceyi Bir ölüyü ve ölünün bütün inceliklerini’ Yok, yok! ölenle ölünüyor. Eksik, yarım, raconsuz ölünüyor ama, her sevgili ölüyle birazdan fazla, epeyce ölünüyor. Mendillerde kan sesleri... - Füsun Akatlı, Ahmet Abi, Güzelim, Bir Mendil Niye Kanar? (Acıyla, Sevgiyle, Kahramanca...) - Görsel: Ethem Onur Bilgiç (Edip Cansever) *** Edip Cansever (8 Ağustos 1928, İstanbul - 28 Mayıs 1986, İstanbul)

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