#adalyn voice: I know what you did :)

[hotheadwolf]

│ 𝙵𝙾𝚁𝙼𝙰𝚃.• ─ 𝖲𝖾𝗋𝗂𝖾𝗌

│ 𝚂𝚄𝙼𝙼𝙰𝚁𝚈.• ─ 𝖠𝖿𝗍𝖾𝗋 𝖾𝗇𝗋𝗈𝗅𝗅𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗂𝗇 𝖥𝗈𝗋𝗄𝗌 𝖧𝗂𝗀𝗁 𝖲𝖼𝗁𝗈𝗈𝗅, 𝖲𝗂𝖽𝗇𝖾𝗒 𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗀𝗂𝗋𝗅𝗌 𝗁𝖺𝗏𝖾 𝖻𝗋𝗎𝗇𝖼𝗁 𝖺𝗍 𝖺 𝖼𝖺𝖿𝖾 𝗐𝗁𝖾𝗋𝖾 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗌𝗎𝖻𝗃𝖾𝖼𝗍 𝗈𝖿 𝖤𝗆𝖻𝗋𝗒 𝖼𝗈𝗆𝖾𝗌 𝗎𝗉.

│ 𝚆𝙾𝚁𝙳 𝙲𝙾𝚄𝙽𝚃.• ─ 2,248

│ 𝚆𝙰𝚁𝙽𝙸𝙽𝙶𝚂.• ─ 𝖺𝖽𝗎𝗅𝗍 𝗅𝖺𝗇𝗀𝗎𝖺𝗀𝖾, 𝖿𝗅𝗎𝖿𝖿, 𝖿𝖾𝖾𝗅𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗀𝗂𝖽𝖽𝗒.

│ 𝙽𝙾𝚃𝙴𝚂 ─ Jacob needs a good ass whooping honestly.

➝ 𝖤𝗆𝖻𝗋𝗒 𝖢𝖺𝗅𝗅 𝖬𝖺𝗌𝗍𝖾𝗋𝗅𝗂𝗌𝗍 || 𝖲𝖾𝗋𝗂𝖾𝗌 𝖬𝖺𝗌𝗍𝖾𝗋𝗅𝗂𝗌𝗍

➝ 𝖯𝗋𝖾𝗏𝗂𝗈𝗎𝗌 || 𝖭𝖾𝗑𝗍

𝖢𝗁𝖺𝗉𝗍𝖾𝗋 𝖵🍂: 𝖧𝖾𝖺𝗋𝗍 𝖡𝖾𝖺𝗍𝗌 𝖥𝖺𝗌𝗍

Sidney's POV

𝗧𝗢𝗗𝗔𝗬 𝗧𝗛𝗘 𝗚𝗜𝗥𝗟𝗦 are riding with me to Forks High School to enroll. I showered, got dressed, and grabbed my phone and car keys.

"Are you ladies ready yet?" I called throughout the house as I left my room.

"We're coming!" I hear Raelynn's voice yell from upstairs.

"Let's go," I said, touching my hips.

Finally, after what seemed like forever, different footsteps trotted down the steps.

"Jeez, we had to ensure we had all the correct papers," Autumn said as she descended the steps.

The rest of the girls came down dressed and ready. We left the house outside in my red Jeep Wrangler, and I drove to the school. As I pulled into a space, students went to their vehicles to get to class. Walking through the high school doors, I found the office, and we headed inside.

"Hello, how can I help you, ladies?" A woman at the front desk asked with a polite smile.

"Hi, we're here to enroll ourselves in school," I replied, returning the smile to her.

"Are you ladies of age?" The woman, whose name tag read Adalyn Mitchell, asked, looking at us.

"Yeah, and we live together," I answered, straightening the papers.

"Okay, just hand over your forms, have a seat, and wait for the principal, please." The front desk receptionist said with a smile on her face.

"What classes are you hoping to get?" I asked the girls, crossing one leg over the other.

"It doesn't matter to me. I can outsmart the nerds here." Audrey grinned, shrugging her shoulders.

"Yeah, that sounds right." I laughed, nodding my head.

Soon, the woman returned and handed us our documents before typing away on her computer. The receptionist told us to have a seat while she enrolled us in school since it would take a little while.

"Oh, since we're all here, what happened when you shifted the other night?" Jenny quietly asked, glancing around to ensure no one was watching us.

"Well, after I shifted, Nessia came to a clearing where Embry was waiting," I explained, thinking back to that night. "We talked, and he told me the truth."

"What truth?" Audrey questioned with a confused expression.

"The reason my brother, Paul, and Jared bullied me was that they saw me as weak since I'm from the Black Bloodline and hadn't shifted yet," I revealed, growing sad at the thought.

"That's fucked up," Autumn said, shaking her head as she hugged me.

"You know what? Let's go to Sam's place so I can fuck all four of them up." Jenny remarked, visibly upset.

"Calm down, sassy pants," Raelynn said, touching Jenny's shoulder.

"And what did Embry say Sam did about the situation?" Audrey questioned, glancing at me.

"I forgot to ask." I shrugged my shoulders.

"I bet he looked the other way. Fucking piece of shit." Jenny cursed, shaking her head with crossed arms.

"Either that, or he didn't have a care in the world," I replied, shrugging my shoulders.

"Imagine their faces if and when they find out you're a wolf and a strong one." Autumn teased as a smirk appeared on her face.

"That would be the best thing ever." Raelynn laughed, nodding her head.

"The look of defeat and disappointment in their eyes will be priceless." Autumn chuckled, staring off into space.

"Oh, let the games begin." Jenny laughed, rubbing her hands together.

The principal and secretary called us into the office and reviewed our schedule and school rules. After the lady at the front desk gave us our necessary paperwork, we exited the building, returned to my car, and got in. Autumn suggested we go to a coffee shop to get out of the house. Arriving at Frozen Bean Coffee Bar, we got out and headed inside, where the smell of coffee beans hit my nose. It smelled so good.

As we found an empty table, Autumn and Raelynn stood in line to order blueberry or banana muffins and iced coffee for everyone. I never get tired of it, seeing as I'm used to eating muffins from Emily.

"So, since we're on the topic of Sam and his pack, tell us about Embry, Sidney," Raelynn commented, sending a grin my way.

I gasped, causing myself to choke on my iced coffee as I glanced at her. "W-What about Embry?"

"What is he like?" Audrey asked with a sly grin on her face.

"In what way?" I questioned, arching an eyebrow at her.

"I don't know. What's Embry's favorite food or color?" She replied, smiling at me.

"Well, his favorite color is blue, and as far as food, I'm guessing any meat," I explained, shrugging my shoulders. "He's super sweet, though."

"You said he would always be nice to you when the other guys weren't around, right?" Raelynn asked, looking at me.

"Yeah, after Jacob, Paul, and Jared bullied me, he'd find me and make sure I was okay," I answered, chewing another piece of my blueberry muffin.

"Aww, that's so sweet." Autumn cooed, softly smiling at me.

"When the guys were around bullying me, it was as if Embry wanted to say something to them to get them to stop," I pointed out, swirling my straw in my cup.

"The main problem is Jacob, Jared, and Paul. Not Embry." Raelynn conceded, nodding in thought.

"Exactly what I thought," I replied, nodding in agreement.

"Just wait. If I ever come across those guys, it will NOT be pretty. I'll tell you that." Jenny remarked, shaking her head.

Upon hearing Jenny's meaningful comment, I smiled at her determined words. "I'm glad I have you girls as real friends."

"Aww, and we're glad we have you too." Audrey cooed as my friends wrapped me in a bear hug.

As they sat down, we continued chatting about what we wanted in our future with our mates. Just thinking about a life with Embry made me feel a way inside. It gave me butterflies picturing him as a father, but I loved it. I'm in love with that idea. Maybe it wasn't so bad.

Unlocking the house's front door, I walked inside first and heard the sound of the guys screaming at each other. Confused, I looked at the girls, and we raced to where they were. I found Drew holding baby Ella over the sink inside the butler's pantry with poop all over her back and on his arm.

"What the hell is going on?" I asked, staring at him with my hand on my hips.

"Diaper explosion. It's everywhere." He replied, gagging at the sight before him.

"Bro, we have to throw the whole baby away." I hear Xavier say from behind me.

"You will do no such thing." Raelynn gasped, turning to look at him.

"Look, calm down. All you have to do is clean Ella up, wash her, and redress her." Audrey replied, rolling her eyes.

"It's all over her seat and blankets, too," Drew replied as Raelynn turned on the faucet.

"Okay, we'll clean it," Jenna said, walking towards the living room.

I followed behind her and saw the explosion baby Ella had in her seat. Drew wasn't kidding when he said his daughter had poop everywhere. It was on her chair, the blanket, and the rug. Grabbing the pink baby blanket and the carpet, I headed to the laundry room and tossed them in the washer. While those were washing, I helped Jenna scrub the baby rocker.Finally, after baby Ella was cleaned up and changed into a new diaper, she was all smiles and giggles. As for Drew, he gagged all the way upstairs to his room for a much-needed shower.

Jacob's POV

I couldn't hold it in any longer. Why did we have to keep this curse a secret? It was stupid. Bella knew of vampires' existence, so what can't she know about wolves? Why can't she see that I'm a werewolf? This isn't fair.

' Jacob, get to the north end. NOW! We've got trouble. '

' I'm on my way, Sam. '

Opening my window, I leaped out and phased into my wolf as I ran to the destination Sam told me to meet him at. As I approached them from behind, the putrid smell of a vampire wafted into my nose, making me disgusted. The next thing I saw was Bella frozen in her tracks with the blood-sucking leech Laurent slowly stalking towards her.

' Let's move in. '

The pack and I slowly walked toward the blood-sucking leech stalking closer to Bella, emerging from the trees. Our snarls echoed through the trees as we revealed ourselves. Bella looked our way and gasped. I looked at her, and we stared at one another until Laurent took off using his vampire speed.

' Jake, let's go! '

Shifting back to human form, I slid on some shorts and followed the guys inside Emily’s place. As Sam walked inside, he glared at me and said nothing but stepped up to his fiance and kissed her cheek, making her giggle. Emily sat a basket of muffins on the table, and the guys dug in, munching away. 

   Sam dismissed us to go home and get some rest, but I couldn’t sleep. Not until I got this weight off my chest. Trotting to Bella’s house, I picked up a small pebble and tossed it at her window. When she didn’t come to the glass, I grabbed another and threw it up. Finally, a light in the room came on, and Bella appeared.

“Jacob?” She whispered, staring at me confused.

“Back up, I’m coming up,” I warned, moving far away.

   I quietly leaped onto the side of the house, jumping to a large tree branch, and swung myself inside Bella’s room, making her gasp in shock. We stared at each other in silence before I broke it.

“Look, I’m sorry.” I apologized, walking up to my best friend.

   Bella placed her hand on my abdomen, rubbing the muscles. She was quiet for a few seconds before speaking, “For what?”

“I wish I could explain, but I literally can’t.” I sighed, walking around her. I know Sam told me not to tell Bella our secret, but he didn’t say I couldn’t give her a hint. “Have you ever had a secret you couldn’t tell anyone? A secret that wasn’t yours to share?”

   She stared at me, hugging herself as I sat on her bed. “What’s going on, Jacob?”

“Well, that’s what it’s like,” I replied, rubbing my hands together. “But it’s worse. You have no idea how tight I’m bound.”

“I hate this, Jacob. I hate what they’ve done to you.” Bella expressed, placing her hand on my head.

   I brought her hand down and stared at the bite mark on her wrist. Her heart relaxed as she covered it with her free hand. 

“The killer part is you already know.” I bitterly growled, standing to my feet. “Do you remember when we walked on the beach in LaPush, Bella?”

“What are you talking about? You mean the story of the cold ones?” Bella asked, staring at me.

“Of course that’s the only part you know.” I scoffed, shaking my head. Her eyes held realization, and I knew she got it.

   I walked past her to the window, preparing to make my exit.

“I mean, there has to be something you can do.” She proposed, nodding approvingly.

“There’s nothing. I’m in it for life.” I replied, turning toward her.

“Well, what if we just leave here for a while? We leave. You and me.” Bella suggested, placing her hands on her hips.

“You’d do that for me?” I questioned, arching an eyebrow.

   There was a pause as Bella shifted on her feet before she spoke, “I would do it for you.”

“Look, Bella, this is not something I can run away from. I would run if I could, but I can’t.” I mumbled, shaking my head.

“Look, Ja-I should probably get going.” I interrupted her before she could say anything. The look on Bella’s face made my heart ache. I didn’t like lying to her, so I chose to talk to her. “Come here.” I pulled her into a hug and held her.

“Jake.” She whispered, hugging me tighter.

“Please,” I whispered, rubbing her shoulder with my thumb. “Try to remember. It would be so much easier if you knew.”

   Pulling away, I turned to the window. “I’ll try, but—Jake, what are you doing? Wait, Jake!”

   I didn’t spare her a second glance as I leaped out of the window and ran home. In my mind, I knew Sam would have my head on a pike, but I didn’t care.

🏷️ @naughtyslashers @nobodygetsza @sgmamacita @mariella-angel-unwin-black @sapphireplums @liu1307

[unseededtoast]

Rectify | Bucky Barnes

Part 36/37 | Part Thirty Five, Part Thirty Seven

Summary: I've lived every day for the past five years looking over my shoulder. I knew they'd come for me, it was inevitable. I was foolish to think I could outrun my past. It's followed me everywhere I go, lurking in the shadows, waiting for the perfect moment to strike. Never would I have anticipated that the shadows would lead me to the light.

Bucky Barnes x OC

Series Warnings: Discussion of human trafficking, alcohol consumption, graphic depictions of violence, sexual content, discussion of suicidal thoughts.

a/n: Hi everyone, thank you for checking this out, I appreciate any and all support! This series is also posted on Ao3 and Wattpad if you prefer those formats/platforms! This is a completed series, and it's going to take some time for me to transfer it to Tumblr, so please bear with me!

This is the fresh start we've been wanting.

I watch the raging water beneath us disappears as the helicopter rises in the atmosphere. I hug my body tightly, feeling shivers come over me. I turn my attention to the people in the plane with me and watch them, study them. They're almost exactly as I remembered them. I close my eyes and take a breath, this is a nice dream I suppose. It's a lot less ominous than the one I've been having. 

"Adalyn, are you okay?" One of them speaks in a soft tone. I keep my eyes closed as I answer, fearing that if I open them I'll be met with the harsh lights and cold bed. 

"I'm fine." I answer, voice raspy from not being used. I feel the same cool hand on my face as I did earlier. Another chill runs through me.

"You don't look fine. Hey, come on now, look at me." I feel the hand move from my cheek to underneath my chin. I blink open my eyes and am surprised when I don't find myself on the bed, facing the wall. I stare into the baby blue eyes in front of me. Maybe this isn't a dream after all. 

I reach out to touch his face, I need to know if this is real. With frail, shaking fingers, I reach out in front of me and my fingers meet the warm skin of his face. I reach another hand out to confirm that I'm really here, this isn't going to disappear. I touch his face all over, expecting the moment to end at any second. He grabs my hands in his and smiles, a sadness in his eyes.

"It's really me." He whispers. I blink a few times. This is true? A sudden warmness fills me.

"Bucky?" I ask. My throat hurts every time I speak but I push the pain aside. He nods his head, and I see tears in his lower lashline. Without another word I muster all my strength and engulf him in a hug. I bury my face in the curve of his neck and shoulder, taking in the way he smells. 

My eyes involuntarily start spilling tears onto his skin. I had forgotten the way he smells, but it's exactly the same. It's all coming back. I hold him as tight as I possibly can and feel his arms embrace me with the same need. I pull back from the hug and look back into his eyes, oh how I've missed them. 

"I've missed you so much. I thought I'd never see you again." I say, a rogue tear dripping from the tip of my nose. 

"You can't get rid of me that easily." He says and wipes his eyes. I see him look me up and down, his face setting into a frown. 

"What did they do to you?" He softly asks. I see Steve turn his head to listen in. I cough a little from my raspy and aching throat. 

"Can I tell you later? I'm sorry I just-"

"Of course you can sweetheart, there's no rush at all." He takes my hand a places a kiss on the back of it. I'm still somewhat expecting myself to wake up back inside the prison. 

"It's good to have you back, Adalyn." Steve speaks from the pilot's seat. I smile, 

"I've missed you too, Steve." I say. There are so many questions I have, but I think they'll have to wait until I can speak long enough to carry a conversation. Or at least until I have some water I can sip on. 

For the duration of the flight Bucky holds me in his lap, my head against his chest. I'm tired but too scared to fall asleep, afraid this might all disappear. Bucky kisses the top of my head, 

"You can sleep, I know you're tired. I'll be right here when you wake up I promise." He whispers. I look up to him, and he nods his head. I give into the exhaustion and fall asleep in his arms, feeling myself start to become whole once again. 

I wake as I feel the helicopter rock from side to side. We better not be crashing, I just got out of prison, I can't go out this way. I open my eyes and feel the comforting embrace of Bucky. My heart feels like it's beating out of my chest. 

"Sorry for the rough landing." Steve says as I feel the helicopter hit the ground. I look out and see we've landed in some clearing. 

"Where are we?" I was expecting to go to a Shield compound or something. 

"We're home." Bucky says and I scrunch my eyebrows together.

"What do you mean?" I ask as Bucky helps me out of the helicopter. I look around and see a small house in the distance. 

"I mean we're going to live here for a while. The two of us." This doesn't make any sense. 

"How is this possible? I just got out of a max security prison that I was supposed to die in." I say, trying to rationalize everything. The ground is cold on my bare feet. 

"We'll explain, let's just get inside." Steve says, starting to walk towards the house. Bucky and I follow, but I can't keep up with their pace. Noticing that I'm struggling, Bucky picks me up and carries me the rest of the distance. He places me down on the front porch. The house doesn't look brand new, but it's definitely not run down or dilapidated. 

Steve opens the front door and we all walk in. I shut the door behind me and look around. It's fully furnished. Thought some of it is outdated, I surely can't complain. Maybe I'm being put on parole or something. But I have a feeling that's not the right answer. 

I go to the kitchen and search for a glass so I can get some water. I take a sip and hold the glass in my weak hands. I look between Steve and Bucky, something is up, none of this is making sense. 

"Am I being placed on parole or something? Why did you guys come get me? Why didn't I know about this?" I ask my questions rapidly. It's weird to hear my voice again, but I've missed it too. The two friends share a glance. 

"Well, I guess you can say you've been released from prison, completely. Not officially though. We broke you out." Steve says and my eyebrows shoot up, my lips fall apart slightly. 

"You two broke me out of a max security prison?" I ask. If the authorities find me I might as well just be put to death on sight. They both nod their heads,

"Why?" I ask. They're risking themselves too by doing this. 

"A lot has happened since you've been gone." Bucky sighs and takes a seat at the dining table. Steve and I also take a seat. I look between them, waiting for one of them to explain.

"You've been gone for a little over a year. In that year the Avengers had to face some consequences for what happened in Sokovia." Steve says. I vaguely remember seeing a news story about the Avengers facing some sort of repercussions but I never heard what came of it. I nod, and Steve keeps talking. 

"The United Nations came up with the Sokovia Accords. It strips the Avengers of their autonomy, makes us pawns. We can't protect the world in the way we need under these Accords. The signing and implementation will happen in a few days. I don't plan on signing those Accords, neither does Bucky." Steve says. 

"So you two aren't going to sign off on it, what does that mean then?" I ask. I know the answer isn't going to be anything good. Steve sighs and runs a hand through his blonde hair. 

"It means we'll be fugitives, wanted by the United Nations for not complying. We figured if we're already going to be breaking the law we might as well make it worthwhile. Plus, we couldn't let you stay in there forever. You mean too much to us." He says with a small smile on his face. I take another sip of water. 

"Thank you for thinking of me, for getting me out of there. I missed you two more than you know." I say, fighting back my emotions. 

"Bucky and I talked about the plan before we got you. We found this place, it's pretty off the grid you two should be good here for a while. You both need the time away from things. Just lay low here and relax. I'll be around, you know how to find me." Steve says as he stands from the table. 

Bucky and I stand as well and follow him out to the front porch. We both give Steve hugs goodbye and watch as the helicopter takes off into the sky. We watch until the helicopter disappears behind the clouds and the sound trails off. I lick my dry, cracked lips and take in the surroundings. 

The house is a nice pale green color, accented with black windows. The porch is made of a light, bamboo colored wood. It's cute, it's cozy. It's everything we could've wanted. 

"So this is all ours?" I ask. I find it hard to believe, it's been an eventful day. Bucky walks up behind me and wraps his arms around me, resting his head atop mine. 

"It's all ours." He says. I take in a deep breath. 

We eventually make our way back into the house, the cool temperatures making me too cold. While Bucky starts a fire in the living room fireplace, I take a better look around. The kitchen is small and leads right to a dining room. The house has an open concept, everything flows together nicely. I walk into the living room and pull the curtains shut, blocking some of the light. I like the coziness of dim lights and a warm fire. 

I'll take all the peace and comfort I can get right now. I still can't wrap my head around the fact that this is all happening, it's surreal. I run my finger along the window sill before I turn back around and sit on the couch. I curl up, hugging my  knees. Hopefully the fire warms the place quickly. I watch as Bucky walks out of the room and down the short hallway. 

I turn my attention to the dancing flames, hearing him rummaging around in another room. I wonder how long this will last, seeing as how we're both fugitives now. I guess I can't complain, and should savor every moment I have with Bucky. He comes back, something in his hands. 

"Steve and I made sure we had everything we would need for a while. Here, these are for you." He says and hands me some soft clothes. I take them from him and make my way down the hall and go to the room he was just in. I wouldn't have minded changing in front of him, but I know I don't look the best. My body is worn down and sick.

I peel the blue uniform off and let it fall to the floor. I unfold the clothes Bucky gave me and look at them. It's so nice to see clothes that aren't blue. I change into new underwear and pull the soft pants on. They're too big. Once upon a time they would've fit perfect, but they can barely stay up now. I feel tears in my eyes, I hate what that place did to me. It destroyed me physically and mentally.

I put the shirt on, and it's baggy. Picking up my old uniform I hold my pants in place as I go back to the living room. I walk in front of the fire and throw the uniform into it, feeling happiness creep back into me as I watch it turn to ash. I roll the waistband of the pants a few times so they'll stay up without me holding onto them and go to sit next to Bucky on the couch. 

He looks me up and down, frowning once more. He probably thinks I look disgusting, he probably is coming to regret breaking me out. I avert my gaze back to the fire so I don't have to be confronted by Bucky's disgust. I don't think I can handle it. To my surprise, he reaches a hand over and puts it on my thigh which is now half the size it was when he last saw me. I look from his hand to his face.

"You're okay now, we're okay now." He scoots closer to me so that our legs are touching. As much as I know I should be feeling overwhelming joy, I still feel the numbness.

"You know you don't have to pretend, right? I know what I look like, you don't have to pretend to like it, act like it doesn't bother you. I understand." I say without looking at him. 

"It does bother me. I know that in order to drop that much weight in that short of time you had to have been tortured. They did this to you, they didn't take care of you. Of course it bothers me, Adalyn. I love you, and that means I only want to see you happy and healthy." He says with a soft, tender voice. I look at him, our eyes meeting. I've longed to hear those three words every day for the past year. It's like music to my ears, heaven's angels playing their trumpets. 

"I love you too." I whisper, my throat starting to ache badly again. 

"I'm going to do whatever it takes to make sure you're healthy and happy again. I promise." He says and kisses my forehead. I smile at the feeling, I missed his forehead kisses dearly. I snuggle into his side and lay my head on his shoulder. 

"I noticed you changed your hair while I was gone." I say. He laughs a little bit, 

"I had to look my best for you, do you like it?" He asks. I reach a hand up to his hair, it's a lot shorter than what I remember. I've never seen him with short hair until now, I've only ever seen him with long hair. It's a nice change though, I think. It signifies that the Winter Soldier is completely gone from this Earth, that Bucky is himself again. I think it shows off his newly found sense of self. 

"I love it." I say and look back to the fire. 

I hope we have a lot of peaceful time here together. After this year we both could use the retreat. I plan on telling Bucky about what it was like in there, just not right now. I'm not ready to unpack everything, I'm still processing it all. I'm beyond thankful that Bucky and Steve got me out of there, I'm not sure how much longer I could've kept going. 

Through the numbness I feel love. The love I have for him is blooming once more, being awakened from its slumber. I never thought I'd feel this again, I did my best to bury the feeling. I wanted to forget what it felt like at all so that I would have nothing to miss. I conditioned myself to feel nothing at all, I figured feeling nothing is better than being in constant agony.

But here we can grow together. We can move on from everything and just be us, purely us. We're away from Hydra and Shield, we're out as far as I'm concerned. Maybe this time we'll be out for good. We can only hope. 

I take in a deep breath and snuggle closer to Bucky as I hear raindrops start hitting the windows. I close my eyes and soak in the peace. This is the fresh start we've been wanting.

[a-crash-in-time-collection]

Chapter 42: Worry of Others

Mu wasn't sure how to express how she felt around or about.. anything anymore. She did her best, when she cared too, but it all felt like she was repeating the same lines over and over. In a way, it was like she was…disconnected from everyone and everything else. They all seemed so… happy.. Mu told herself for the longest time it was the Mafia and every other 'Bad Guy' on this planet that made her unhappy.. But she was slowly getting closer to adulthood now, and that made her realize there were more shades of gray.

She didn't know anymore. If she should keep fighting her good fight or just.. give up. What was scary was she felt…so much closer to giving up then anyone seemed to realize. Not that anyone had any connection with her to realize. Outside her shouts during fights with the Mafia, she wasn't sure she could even remember a proper conversation she had in the years since Hat Girl left til the day she returned. Cooking Cat was the only one who came to mind, the only one who seemed to truly pity her for the longest time.

The thought of Hat Girl sent a chill down her spine, enough to make Mu stop walking down the path she was on. She didn't even understand why. She hadn't spoken to Hat Girl in awhile. Or any of the toppats since the day she and Mr. Macbeth uncovered those secret areas of Mafia Town. Hat Girl should be fine. She was in a forest clearing, not an island with a monster living under it. She should be safe. So why did she have this crippling feeling that something bad happened to the girl?

Focus Mu, she tried to think as she continued down the path. She didn't know why she was walking. She told herself it was to stop a Mafia from hurting someone, but deep down, she didn't know. After all, everyone else who lived on the island before she came almost seemed… fine with them now. As long as they didn't get directly in their way, the Mafia rarely messed with them anymore. Sure they still loved to pick on the elder members but then again, it wasn't nearly as violent as it used to be.

She eventually sat down for a moment to try and gather her thoughts. Focus on anything but those thoughts that went against what had to be her only purpose in life. Perhaps her wish was granted, as a smell met her nose as she turned to face the building she sat outside of. Cooking Cat's place. Her stomach let out a growl as she got up, letting out a sigh. She would never admit to anyone how many times she went here over the years for food. It was just hard to find other sources that didn't result in diving low.

"No, don't think like that." Mu said, walking up to the door, telling herself she would just do a check to make sure no Mafia were causing trouble. She walked in and scanned the environment. It wasn't too busy, only two tables actually had people at them. And it was relatively calm from what she saw. She should leave now, she reasoned. Yet she found herself stepping in for a closer look of things. "I know every place has its slow days but this is the slowest I have ever seen… Wait, where's-"

"Adalyn?" Cooking Cat appeared from behind, making Mu catch her hand before she threw a reflex punch. "She's not here."

"You don't sneak up on me like that without a warning, what if I did something bad?" Mu said, trying to keep her voice quiet so as to not draw attention to the two of them. Cooking Cat shrugged with a slight chuckle, before walking past Mu, gently giving a quick tug on her cloak as a sign to follow her. Mu decided to because what if the cat needed help, but couldn't say anything aloud? "And isn't it a day she normally works? I understand school likely started up for her again but I doubt she would care much."

"Oh no, some other things are going on." Cooking Cat said as she hopped behind the counter, climbing up the other side as Mu sat on one of the chairs by the counter. She didn't know why they had chairs here, this place wasn't a bar. She glanced back at some of the workers in the background and could sense something off. She couldn't try to place what it was though, before a plate with some bread was placed in front of her. "I've been trying some new recipes, tell me what you think of this."

"I'm sure it's fine, you can find someone who can.. You won't take no for an answer." Mu stated as the Cat nodded. Mu sighed, glancing over her shoulder for a minute before reaching over and pulling a piece. At least Cooking Cat was kind enough to have an excuse. She took a bite. It.. didn't taste like normal bread. She couldn't place why exactly but it just didn't. "It's a little strange." She mumbled before swallowing. "But it's good, everything you make is.. Hey, have you heard from anyone in awhile."

"You gotta be more specific, there's a lot of 'anyones' in this world." Cooking Cat said, Mu giving a shrug as she took another bite, she wasn't wrong. "I heard that something happened at the metro, but that's the only event I heard about." Mu tilted her head, what would have happened out of the norm there. And, why did it send that chill down her spine again. Cooking Cat's eyes suddenly lit up. "Oh, and Adalyn. She's in one of DJ Groove's movies- Or is going to be, they're still making it."

"Huh." Mu stated as she took another bite. "Good for her. Could lead her down a better path then a lazy paw."

"I wouldn't count on that, she seems very intend on following her parents footsteps." Cooking Cat stated, and Mu gave a sigh, the cat did have a point. And at least Adalyn wasn't doing anything too bad when she did steal. She always ended up giving whatever it was back, it was more for the prank then anything. At least she seemed happy with what she was doing… "Oh!" Cooking Cat exclaimed, brighing Mu out of her thoughts. "Dead Birds Studios wanted to borrow some of my plates."

"Let me guess, the really fancy one that belongs to your great grandma or something? Stuff that's hard to find now." Mu asked, getting a nod. "And they need to be brought to the studio by tomorrow for what they need and you haven't had the time to schedule how to drop them off? And there's some event." Cooking Cat gave a slow nod then, tilting her head as the human leaned back. "Read you like a book huh?" Another nod with a slight chuckle. Mu gave a hint of her own. "I can be like that at time."

"Oh, I just don't know how to get them there." Cooking Cat said. "I could arrange for one of the Mafia to try taking it over. But I wouldn't want them breaking them. I'm scared that's gonna happen as it is."

"You would do that for me? You're too kind at times Mu." Cooking Cat said with a smile, Mu just gave a shrug. Who knows, maybe a day without her will show the people of this town they needed her. Maybe this time, at least. Cooking Cat pulled back the now empty plate as she hopped down from whatever she was standing on behind the counter. She poke her head around its corner. "I'll go ahead and grab them for you so you can get going first thing tomorrow. I'll also pack some food for the trip."

"Or the Mafia Goons would steal them, and then probably break them." Mu said, her voice lowering to almost a whisper as to not draw attention from one of the tables with Mafia Goons nearby. Honestly, she didn't understand why Cooking Cat would even lend them if she was so scared of them breaking… Then again, this could be her chance to do something for once.

And take a break from this town. "I can bring them to the studio for you if you wish." Mu said. "I can even bring them back."

"You don't have too-" Mu stated, but Cooking Cat was already gone. Mu sighed as she rested her head. "I don't need it."

She’s been working on not coming here as often the past year or two, even if she went longer than she would have liked without something to eat. She didn't need to get so much in a short time again.

At least she had something to do tomorrow. It would be annoying to deal with those birds but hey, at least she could try and clear her head.

The smart thing for Mu was to take off her hood once she started walking across the desert and, in the sun's heat. She thought she would be fine, however, with some clouds blocking the sun's rays, just a bit. She told herself she was fine as she kept walking with a slight huff, sweat going down her face. She didn't need to stop and rest. She had gone through worse situations before, she could handle a little heat. She had to have to turn the lava on in Mafia Town in the past.

It seemed so easy back then, she thought with a chuckle. Running, dashing. Fighting crime without ever being discouraged. Or questioning everything she told herself for years. She still believed bad guys were bad but, it was so hard to see anyone as the bad guy anyone. Or maybe it was Mafia Boss somehow making her think this way. She didn't know how he would, she didn't even know how he was still alive all this time if she was honest- She paused when the studio building appeared in her vision.

Finally, she began to race towards it. As fast as she could without breaking anything in the box. She needed some cooling.

The other birds around just glanced at her silently, none really speaking up. Some shot her a glare, remembering her attempt at ruling the planet all those years ago. She could have killed them for one mistake they made.

"Air- Finally," She said as she stepped into the cold building, glancing down at the floor in the chance she was getting some looks. How could anyone in this part of the world live in such heat? She was able to live in her cave without an air conditioner in summer just fine, but a walk through here almost made her pass out. She managed to get to one of the

seats and sat down, allowing her brain and body to rest.

"I know I agreed to do this but why couldn't it have been a rainy day in the desert? Do those even exist?" She mumbled to herself as she glanced up at the ceiling, wiping some sweat from her brow. After a minute she heard one of the doors open and some voices. She glanced down and saw her target, Grooves, talking with the Receptionist. ‘Finally’, she thought as she stood up, making sure she held the box close as she came over. "I got those plates you wanted for the movie," Mu said.

Grooves glanced over with a bit of surprise. "Well, I wasn't expecting you to be the one to bring them. Not that I have a problem with that of course." DJ Grooves said Mu must have given a glare without noticing. She sat the box down on the counter and watched as the penguin opened it, glancing at it with a smile on his face. He gave an approving nod as he carefully closed the lid. "These will be perfect for the scenes. I could have garbed any old set but when I saw these, they were just perfect."

"Just make sure they aren't in a place to get broken." Mu said with a sigh. "I'll be taking them back home at the end of the day, and I rather not do so with them in pieces." She added.

"Oh please darling, who do you think I am, Conductor?" Grooves said with a small chuckle as Mu rolled her eyes. On one hand, he had a bit of a point. On the other hand, she was aware of Snatcher's death wish based on the parade movie he had Hattie do. Something about the whole set up of felt dangerous, especially since all she was aware that Snatcher did was had

more owls. "Well, why don't you come with me to watch the filming. As long as you're quiet, it should be fine… uh.. Do you need some water?"

"Well, she's actually the main character in this movie we're working on. She already filmed most, if not all of her scenes, we still need to check." Grooves said with a faint shrug. Mu gave a small nod, but also a bit of a look. Did he really not know about how many scenes were done in his own movie? Then again, he was the Dad of a toddler, Dinenna could have somehow ruined files tracking the scenes, if that was how it worked. "Haven't seen her since then. She..didn't seem the best last I saw her."

"No- I had some before, I'll be fine." Mu said, shaking her head even as her breath had a little huff to it, still recovering from what she went through to get here. In terms of heat that is. Grooves gave her an odd look but didn't pick any sort of fight with her, which she appreciated. She would be fine, until she had to head back, that is.. As they began to head backstage, a question came to mind. "It's none of my business, so feel free not to answer." She started. "But

have you heard from Hattie or the Toppats at all lately?"

"She wasn't?" Mu asked, hating how her voice raised a bit with worry. How could she let that happen? Was it, her fault? Did Macbeth tell her about what they had found out? Mu felt bad, but tried not to show it. She couldn't let it be show. She glanced to the side silently. Trying to think. Why did she feel so guilty about everything? She didn't understand. "Do you know… why?" Mu asked, bringing her voice to a whisper. She got a nod. "It's about the second coming of Moonjumper?"

"Yes." Grooves answer in a whisper. "She had found a stone tablet of herself in some ancient tower. She believes she is tied to the prophecy, and it might hurt her clan."

"Oh." Mu said, looking forward after hearing that to think. So it, wasn't her and Macbeth's investigations? Then again, a stone tablet of just her, as creepy as that was, shouldn't be enough to cause this amount of worry from her. She must be missing some context. Maybe she could ask the next time she saw her. The next time she took the time to head to the clan's base to… breath? She shook her head. "It's awful. She already saved this world once, from me. Why would she need to do it again?"

"I mean, as far as I'm aware the second coming shouldn't be bad.. right?" Grooves asked. Mu was about to answer, before pausing as they entered the room where the filming was taking place. She saw Adalyn in some sort of spy outfit, jumping between parts connected to a green screen. Mu raised her brow a bit at that. Maybe the penguin got better about his practices over the years. "Alright!" He said as he took the box from Mu, handing them to some penguins nearby. "Go set these up for the scene."

"Yes sir!" One said as they headed off, Mu sighing as she sat in a chair nearby.

"Got ya!" Adalyn suddenly called from the Green screen, almost making Mu jump out of the set. The penguin by the camera stepped away, and the cat let out a breath of air as she got down, letting out a grunt as she stretched. "Man, there's something different between doing those things normally and acting." She said, walking over to grab a water bottle on a stand nearby.

That was when she noticed Mu. "Oh hey, Mu! Didn't expect to see you here!" She said with a wave, Mu returning the jester slightly.

"Thanks boss." She chuckled, giving a bit of a salute as she took a chug from her water bottle.

"She came to drop off some planets for some of the scenes we need to do." Grooves explained, Adalyn nodding as she walked over and sat in a chair next to Mu. Now that she was closer, Mu couldn't help but notice things off. She had faint scars on her body that looked recent. And her eyes had this slightly different look to them. Like she had seen something

she could never unsee. "We're getting the set finished now, and then you can start filming. Until then, take a break, you did wonderfully."

Suddenly, the Conductor burst through the door, looking more than a little annoyed. Mu could just barely see the eye roll on Grooves’s face as the bird walked over.

"Grooves, did one of your penguins steal my grayscale lens? I needed it for my shot by the canon yet when I looked through all the lenses I brought with me, it was gone!" The Conductor ranted.

Of course, it didn't stop it from going on for a bit as the topic of a lens changed to another thing and then another. It didn't make any real sense to Mu, couldn't they just talk about this more civilly? Or at least do this over text. She just tried to focus on her conversations with the Cat, who was talking about how happy she was that she got this chance to be in a movie and how things were doing in Alpine Skyline. Mu mostly followed along, promoting her to talk in more detail. Mu herself didn't have much to share.

Mu knew enough about the Conductor's and Grooves's relationship by now to know to start up a conversation with Adalyn to help distract the both of them from the argument about to take place. Granted, from the little she bothered to pay attention too, they seemed to have gotten a bit better about these fights. She heard they got along better nowadays, and it was easy to tell that just by listening. Conductor would even take some breaths to calm himself down without

being promoted by Grooves.

"Well at least when I put Hat Lass into a death tunnel I had the decency to warn her first! …Speakin' of which, have you heard from the Lassie since you last saw her?" Conductor asked, Groves shaking her head. Mu watched as Adalyn paused once the alien girl was mentioned, her fur almost seemed to grow paler. Everyone nearby noticed, as Conductor tilted his head as he walked closer to the two. "Why are you lookin' like that over a simple question? You don't think anything bad happened."

"I don't think, I know." Adalyn covered her mouth as the three let out small gasps. She let out a sigh. "This isn't really my place to say but… She went to the Metro to try and fix her old Rumbi to help bring back a part of her past. The Empress caught her and apparently had her held in some machine. Me and some others broke in the save her and…" She shook her head as she glanced at the ground, ignoring the faces of the others. "She looked so dead the whole time we were getting her out."

"She what-" Mu stood up from her chair. "no.. NO!" She turned to Grooves. "One of you or your penguins better have her number now or I'm-"

"Darling, I'm worried as well but you don't need to get violent." Grooves said as he pulled out his phone. "I don't have her number, but I did grab Platinum's before he left, so we can arrange times better in the future." Mu nodded, but waited with worry as she watched the penguin type in the number, glancing at Adalyn who just let out a sigh, shaking her head as she glanced at the ground. The phone ranged for a moment, before answering. "Platinum, I know about the Metro. Is your sister-"

"How did you-" Platinum voice came through the speaker with a hint of anger, before they heard a metallic sigh. "Yea.. She's as fine as she can be. Been spending most of her time in her room with Rumbi since the incident but I can't blame her after what happened… I'm actually in the room with her now. I can.. Hey Hattie, do you wanna speak with Grooves and I'm assuming Conductor as well?" It was quiet for a moment, the faint hint of talking over the speaker. "You sure? Alright then." Mu went right up to the phone as she waited for the alien to speak.

"Hey.." Hat Girl's voice came after a moment. Mu got the same chill down her spine as when she was simply thinking of Hat Girl the day before. It wasn't hopeless, drained of life, dead, or anything like that thankfully. But it did sound so tried compared to the girl they all knew. "Sorry, I probably should have let you know what happened earlier. I guess it slipped my mind."

"No Darling, you don't have to apologize for something like-"

DJ Grooves didn't get to finish, as Mu swiped the phone from his flipper in one quick movement and looked at it. "Hey- are you ok? I mean, the answer is techally no but still. Have you been eating well, have you seen anyone?" So many questions were going through the blonde's mind.

There was silence on the other side of the line, and Mu felt regret as she handed the phone back to the penguin.

"I'll be ok eventually." Hat Girl said with a sigh. "I want to leave my room but just.. need a bit more energy. Rumbi's back, so that's been helping. Rumbi, say hi!" They all heard a bit of the alien they knew with that last line as there was a robotic, yet happy beep in the background. Then a giggle that brought some reassurance to their souls. "But yea. Eating ,sleeping, all that stuff. I.. only struggled on the first day when I was the most out of it. I… wouldn't say I'll truly be 'me' again anytime soon though." She admitted with a sigh.

"And that's ok!" Adalyn said as she came up to the phone as well. "No one who cares even a little about you will expect you to try and recover fast from this. So don't worry about that."

"Thanks… Hopefully things will be fine soon.."

"Are you sure?" Mu asked, making sure her voice was as quiet and gentle as she could in the moment. Hat Girl started to respond with what sounded like would have been a yes, but didn't finish. Instead letting out a sigh.

"On the plus side." Platinum's voice came from the background. "We managed to get Hattie's laptop to connect to Steam, a site from our world for games. We're playing this new one we found randomly. It's supposed to be a horror game but it's funny."

"Yea, speaking of which, we should probably get back to it. I want to see how far these 'not being possessed' things go, it's almost impossible to have any sort of game with mascots without something like that anymore." Hat Girl said. "I can call you guys tomorrow?"

"Yea, that's fine Lassie. Just be careful." The Conductor said. They heard a hum from the phone, before the call was ended.

Mu let out a sigh. "She'll be fine eventually. She has her clan, I know that." Mu sat back down as she stared at the ground. "It's kinda funny. You think they could be evil, cruel hearted, and all that being a criminal gang, and I'm sure there are some. The mafia is only light hearted in any way because of how idiotic they are." She sighed, pausing as she glanced up at them. "But.. I'm going off on my own issues now."

"No, you're fine darling. You're aloud too." DJ Grooves said. "I.. think you haven't ever gotten a proper chance to before."

Mu glanced down at the ground again, gripping onto her hood slightly as she studied every small detail and mistake in the floor tiles. She should just be quiet, be silent. This shouldn't be about her. And yet…

"They're so… nice and caring… I heard stories from when I visited. About how so many ended up there not because they were criminals, but because they had nowhere else to go. And sure, there are bad apples, but overall, they're the kindest group I ever met. And it- makes me doubt myself." She had to hold back from shouting. "I kept fighting for so long because I told myself people like them are bad- but they're not! And now I feel like I wasted my childhood trying to fight for a false vision of a world that.. never truly existed…" She let out a breath.

The group was silent for a bit. Adalyn reached out and placed a hand on the human's shoulder, being sure her claws wouldn't risk coming out if something surprised them suddenly again. "I think we all saw the world the way you did for the longest time. It's so easy for us to just live our day-to-day lives with nothing challenging or shaking our morals."

"It's the biggest reason why me and Conductor didn't get along for the longest time. Along with, other factors." Grooves admitted when the Conductor shot him a glare.

"Still… I can't believe that happened to the lassie." The Conductor said, bringing them back onto the original topic. "Do we know of anything we can do to make it up to her?"

"The only thing I can think of, I tried back when they first got onto the planet," Mu said, briefly reaching behind to feel the timepiece hidden in her cloak as if it wouldn't be there. "She didn't take it then, I doubt she'd take it now. No matter how much more use she would get out of it."

"I know you mean well, but this isn't gonna be something that, giving her something will just fix her from quickly. I mean, she got Rumbi back and is clearly happy about it, yet you all hear how she is." Adalyn sighed.

"Let's let her recover from this more first. After we're sure she's ok again, or at least as ok as she'll ever be." Grooves whispered the last past. "Then we can plan or get something for her… Until then, I really should get to the next scene. Adalyn, do you, want a few more minutes?"

The skyline cat gave a nod, as Grooves left.

Mu hardly noticed at that point. Trying to sort out the emotions in her head.

Why had this had to happen to Hattie of all people?

She wished that it happened to her instead.

[shadowqueen402]

Fic Request: For my Headcanons for Adalyn I said that she learned sign language from her uncle in case she lost her hearing and/or voice. Can I have a sort of shipping story where she tries to teach Lance some sign language?

I can try, but be aware that this fic may be short due to the fact that I only know letters and a few words in sign language.

"I did not know that you study sign language," Lance said. He noticed a book on sign language sitting on a shelf.

"My uncle taught me it," Adalyn said. "This was in case I lost my hearing or my voice. Still, it's pretty useful to me. That way, if I meet anyone that's deaf, I'll be able to communicate with them."

"Is it okay if I learn sign language?" Lance asked. "It seems interesting."

"Sure, I can teach you what there is to know." Adalyn said. "First, we can start with the letters." She formed her hand into a fist. "This is the letter A. Which should be easy. Try it out yourself."

Lance made the same type of fist. "Like this?" He asked.

"Yeah, that's great," Adalyn said. "Now, I'll show you how to sign the letter B." She held up four fingers for Lance to see. "Like A, it should be easy."

Following her orders, Lance signed the letter B.

Adalyn smiled as she watched. She knew that Lance would be skilled in sign language in no time.

[balanceater]

Adalyn Stehle's In-Game Dialogue

Based around the idea that @shadowqueen402 had for the characters to have ACTUAL in-game dialogue. I may do more for some of my other Balan Wonderworld OCs in the future.

*In the opening of her story* Dad said he'd be here... He promised he would watch me sing this time... Did he lie? Or did he pretend to forget like always?

*In her ending* He made it! And he's wearing one of my shirts! *Feels Balan tap her shoulder and sign to her* Alright. It's showtime!

*In her secret ending* You actually made it! I was so scared you didn't!

*Hears her father tell her that traffic just held him up* You could've just walked you know. It's probably a bit safer anyway.

*Hears her manager call for her for autograph signing* Sorry, Dad. I got to do a few autographs. Once I'm done, I'll call you and we can spend the rest of the night around the WHF okay?

*Hears her father say alright and that he's proud of her as he walks away. Once he leaves, she sighs and says to herself* Balan... Lance... Hope you two are doing okay... And thanks for helping me...

*In the bad ending* Sorry Dad... Looks like... You're losing... Me... Too...

*If the player chooses to play as her* Showtime, baby!

*If she sees Leo/Emma wear her default outfit* Wow... You actually don't look that bad.

*upon having her outfit changed* This is actually kind of cute!

*if Negati appear in front of her* Talk about unwanted attention!

*to the Tims* Dawww! You're so cute! No wonder Balan loves you guys.

*upon wearing her representative costume* I feel a lot happier than before!

*Upon being defeated* AAAHHHHH!

*collecting items* This should help in the long run.

*if the player goes near her illusion* Keep going! Don't let anybody stop you!

*If the player is near her illusion and Negati appear* Watch out for those things!

*If the player gets lost* Exit's that way. *Points in said direction*

*If the player puts on her Representative Costume* You look just as cute as me now!

*After being saved* I can actually talk again! Thank you so much for helping me out!

*Adalyn turns slightly sad* I honestly don't know what happened back there. Last thing I remember was looking into the crowd to see if Dad was in there. Next thing I know, it felt like my voice was getting torn out of my throat and I couldn't sing anymore. I kept thinking he didn't care about me after all.

*If the player gives a positive response* Thanks. Guess I really needed to hear that. You know... you remind me of my Mom. She always knew how to get me out of the "Bad Space" that is my head.

*If the player gives a negative response* Dude... I just vented my trauma to you and that's what you got to say? You lucky I don't believe in physical violence.

*If the player gives a neutral response* Thanks for letting me vent, I guess. It felt nice being able to talk like that for once.

[vaya-writes]

The Wyvern's Bride - Part 1.6

When Adalyn gets sacrificed to the local wyvern, she’s a little annoyed and a lot terrified. Upon meeting the wyvern, she discovers that he’s not particularly interested in eating people, and mostly wants to be left alone. In a plot to save himself from the responsibilities his family keep pushing on him, Slate names Adalyn as his human Envoy, and tasks her with finding him a wife.

In 1.6, join us as Adalyn meets Slate's family. Spoiler alert, they're not as easy going as he is. Also, did somebody say Slate's POV? No?

Cis female human x cis male wyvern. 3100 words.

Previous

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This chapter is SFW. Content warnings: food descriptions and a mention of alcohol usage, profanity (once), some discussion of cultural differences between humans and wyverns, to be specific mating habits. Nothing explicit yet, just very frank. Also, I don't want to exotisize medical conditions, so please let me know if my language regarding Rin's character description needs amending. She has vitiligo.

I hope you enjoy.

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The Spires are crowded. 

Slate stalks through the caverns he’d begun the painstaking process of lengthening, and tries not to cringe at the noise. One thing can be said about cave systems – with enough voices inside, the acoustics are nightmarish. It grinds his nerves to the point where he is nearly ready to take a stake and perforate the outer walls of his new home with enough craters to stop the echoing.  

It’d been three weeks since he’d sent the call. Two weeks since the clan had begun to trickle in – faster than he’d anticipated. Coordinating trips to the woods to prevent over hunting, enforcing strict no contact rules with the valley denizens, jumping at the Matron’s beck and call – he is exhausted.  

There is no corner he can slink off to, to rest. Swooping from one peak to another, secluding himself in his (albeit unfinished) tower, creeping from one room to the next– he is watched, and directed, and lightly ribbed, and touched, and scoffed at, and- 

“I’m going for a fly,” he mutters to his cousin. 

She gives him a sympathetic smile.  

Yesterday he’d found Aunt Marble and her brood in his quarters, surveying his hoard and literally counting his coins. One more comment about his possessions, his new home, his life choices, and he might start razing things. 

Finding an open balcony – the beginnings of one anyway – he steps into the open air and shifts. Wings tucked in a dive, he approaches the bottom of the cliff at breakneck speed, waiting until the last possible moment to bank. Faster he flies, weaving around the Spires until the exertion is enough to make his muscles ache. 

He catches an updraft and takes it over Clearwater Valley, and lets out a long breath. Alone in the sky, no one will bother him. For a while, at least.  

It’s late enough that he doesn’t have to worry about being spotted by human eyes, so he takes the opportunity to survey the valley. Adalyn’s lessons in mind, he picks out the sparse orchids, the shape of the river, and the clusters of light that indicate settlements. 

Fleecehold comes into view; ten or so buildings ringing a well and the town square. Fields and paddocks spiral out from the settlement, their pattern already engraved in his memory. 

He strains his eyes to make out the details. Chimneys. Garden beds. Window sills. And there – Adalyn out for a walk through the square. Her dress is pale, and her hair loose, but at this height he can’t distinguish anything else. 

Part of him wants to reach for her. Send a message of hello. Ask what she’s doing out so late. But he wouldn’t be able to hear a response. He’d have to land to have a real conversation. And he had no reason to talk to her. Not really.  

He wavers for a moment , before circling back to the Spires, ridding himself of the temptation. He's surprised at the strength of his urge to touch down. To ask what’s on her mind and to complain about his own problems. He wonders what she’d make of his family. Of the situation.  

Perhaps she’d find him foolish, shirking his family duties like this. She’s open. Polite. She recognises the cultural differences between them. But he’s not sure if she’d side with him or his Matron regarding his family matters. After all, his family expectations aren’t unreasonable. His grandmother’s, at least. The thought of Adalyn’s scorn stings, and he resolves to keep her from his family drama as long as possible.  

Slate soars past the Spires, his flight taking him over the woodlands.  

It’s been nice, talking to somebody who wouldn’t pass judgement on him. Somebody sympathetic, but not involved. He tries to hold on to that feeling, but knows that it’s ill-advised, caring so much about what a human thinks. She’s practically a stranger.  

It won’t matter for long anyway. In two weeks' time he’ll be married. There’ll be no more excuses to speak with the woman. No need to meet with her. Nothing left to discuss.  

It’d be for the best.  

The wyvern pushes himself higher, away from the land below. He ignores the ache in his chest. 

Yeah. For the best. 

Slate is due to make an appearance in two days – it's nearly time for the fourth and final interview. With the end of things rapidly approaching, Adalyn keeps herself busy. Cooking with Grace, tutoring Lindel and Errah, she fills her schedule with as many appointments as she can. It helps her ignore the facts.  

That the trials would start soon. That her contact with Slate would likely cease afterwards. That she’d go back to being the local baker – ignored and shunned unless her neighbours needed bread.  

The knowledge hurts so much it’s hard to breathe. So, Adalyn ignores it, and keeps moving.  

It’s midmorning, and the passing women have joined her in her home. Grace and Lindel, who were chosen in the first week, and Errah, the newest addition, chosen during the third week. 

She’s a quiet woman, in her early thirties, but slight, with deep eyes that bely her age. Errah had been another applicant who’d visited in hope of pleasing her family. One of the few Adalyn had kept. More at ease with the animals she shepherded than other people, her social skills were somewhat lacking, but Adalyn is convinced she’s some kind of savant with numbers. With the uncanny ability to glance at a group of things and immediately know how many were present (“Nineteen pasties could fit on that tray”, “Four of the sheep haven’t returned”, “You’ve brought enough food for each of us to have five serves”). When shown the written numbers and given the ability to do larger sums, she had hesitated, but her speed of learning was uncanny. Literacy was another matter, but Adalyn hoped her numeric ability would save her in the Matron’s test.  

Today she had Lindel and Errah tutoring each other in the living area, with Lindel helping Errah read unfamiliar letters, and the shepherd helping the farmer with long forms of addition and subtraction. 

Adalyn is directing Grace in the kitchen – the merchant’s daughter hadn’t learned how to cook anything other than porridge – when there is a knock at the door. 

Within the past month Adalyn has had more unannounced visits than in the past ten years of her life (customers aside). If it wasn’t one of the suitresses stopping by with questions, it was Martha or Trevor with housing inquiries and reports. So, she’s not concerned when she steps out of the bakery and opens the front door.  

She is concerned to find the male on her stoop, slightly dishevelled with a frantic look on his face. 

“Slate. What’s wrong?” She’s not seen him so uncomposed, and it’s unnerving. Her eyes flicker about, searching for the cause of his distress. 

“I need you to be ready to receive guests at sundown.” 

“What?” 

“Sundown, Adalyn. Guests. Important ones.” The urgency in his tone is cutting. His eyes bore into hers, imploring her to understand the importance of the situation.  

“Okay-” 

“Clean what you need to clean, dress as professional as you can, prepare whatever you think an envoy needs to prepare. The Matron is visiting.” 

Adalyn’s breath stalls for a moment. The Matron is visiting. The Matron, as in the leader of Slate’s clan. Gods know how old. Impeccable and stern from what she’s heard. Slate’s grandmother in addition.  

“Ah, fuck.” 

The wyvern nods in agreement. 

- 

With his weekly visits, Adalyn had already been keeping the house clean, but she’d done another once over, weeding her front garden, cleaning her windows, washing her curtains. Slate’s words had set her loose like a spinning top, and nothing she bumped into was safe from her cleaning spree. After cooking up a small feast (utilising her temporary apprentices) she’d banished every trace of flour and crumb from her kitchen.  

Her charcoal grey dress was still the most professional thing she owned, and she paired it with another updo and her boots, polished until they gleamed.  

When the sun begins to set, Adalyn is jittery – nerves alight. Right on time, there is a knock at her door. It takes everything she has to plaster a smile on her face. To still her hands, and calm her breathing. When she opens the door, she appears almost relaxed– though the tension in her jaw and shoulders are tells that Slate is beginning to recognise. 

Instead of his usual slouch, the wyvern stands straight as a post, clothes impeccable, face a mask of politeness. Adalyn spies the reason, standing behind him. 

“Ms Baker, I present to you my grandmother and my cousin.” 

Adalyn schools her expression into seriousness and lowers herself into a deep curtsy. “It's an honour to meet you.” 

She examines the pair through her eyelashes. The Matron is a thin and greying woman, but there is steely strength in her unassuming frame. Her eyes are sharp, and her irises the colour of chalk, regarding her with unnerving intensity. 

“Matron, Rinnley, this is Ms Adalyn Baker. She’s been handling the human side of things for me.” 

Adalyn doesn’t rise from her curtsy until the Matron purses her lips and lowers her chin fractionally in acknowledgement.  

At this point her eyes catch on Slate’s cousin, and it’s an effort not to stare. The female’s shock of red hair is not a human hue, but the scarlet of blood, vibrant even in the evening light. But her hair is not what stands out the most about Rinnley – it’s her skin. Even in her human form, Slate’s cousin appears dappled with patches of bright red. Adalyn is unfamiliar with vitiligo, and does not recognise the condition, but still finds it quite striking.  

The female smiles, and steps forward to shake Adalyn’s hand. “Just Rin, please.” 

“Of course,” Adalyn recovers quickly, and flashes her a smile. She slips back into hostess mode. “Please, come inside.” She leads the ladies to her dining area.  

After a moment she finds herself alone with Slate in the anteroom. 

“Should I be so nervous?” She says, in a murmur. 

After a beat, he replies. “Yes.” 

She takes another deep breath. “I’ve prepared dinner. Does your family have any dietary requirements I’ll need to cater around?” 

He shakes his head. “Not in their present shape. If you can eat it, so can we.” 

She closes her eyes and lets out the breath. Shakes out her hands, trying to dispel some of her tension. “I’ll serve now?” 

She jumps when Slate’s hands settle on her shoulders. Stills, and then relaxes into the touch as he begins to knead the tension from her. She opens her eyes and peers up at him – something unreadable on his face. 

“Serve now. You’ll be fine.” 

He breaks the contact between them and enters the dining area. Adalyn shakes herself from her stupor, and fetches dinner from her kitchen. She’d prepared them roasted lamb, some greens, and a rare bottle of Ivar’s Winterberry Wine. It had cost her a fortune – the lamb in particular - and she considers invoicing Slate for the trouble later.  

She ignores the slight shake in her hands as she brings the food out, balancing the dish and her nicest ceramic plates on a tray. The Matron, seated at the head of the table, surveys the food as Adalyn serves. 

She tries not to blanch, anxiety heavy in her stomach, and moves to take a seat before hesitating. Fearful of offending by sitting in the wrong spot, she glances at Slate.  

He must pick up on her concern, because he nods to the seat across from him. 

With that sorted, she waits until the Matron begins eating, before picking up her fork and digging in. Despite the effort she put into cooking, stress leaves her mouth dry, and she is unable to savour the food. She pours herself a glass of water, not trusting herself with the wine.  

The house is silent, save for the clink of kitchenware, and Adalyn is grateful when Rin speaks. She comments on the scenery of the valley, gossips about goings on in the clan, and begins asking Adalyn some probing questions. 

Adalyn answers questions about her family, her business, and where she’s from, while carefully evading topics like her goals, her desires, and her relationships with her neighbours. The Matron says nothing during the dinner, but Adalyn can’t help but feel that her words are being weighed considerably. 

Slate is overly engrossed in the food before him, and while Adalyn hopes that he is enjoying the meal, she feels that she’s mostly using the food as an excuse to avoid conversation. 

When everyone finishes eating, Adalyn rushes to clear the table. 

“Ms Baker.” 

The Matron speaks for the first time, and Adalyn forces herself not to fidget under the weight of her gaze.  

“It’s my understanding that my grandson has appointed you to find him a bride.” 

She doesn’t dare look away. “Yes, Matron.” 

“Tell me about this process. Spare no detail.” 

It takes the better part of an hour, but Adalyn does, until her throat is hoarse and the events of the past month have been aired. The Matron listens to everything calmly, but without comment. Eventually, Adalyn sits in silence, once more pinned beneath the Matron’s stare. Finally, she speaks. 

“Your preparations are satisfactory.” 

Adalyn sags with relief – they all do. 

The matriarch turns her attention to Slate, and exasperation creeps into her tone. “Honestly, Slate. If you’d found love, this effort might be commendable, but marrying a woman you haven’t even chosen yet?” 

The wyvern shrugs, almost casual in his posture if it weren’t for his inability to meet the Matron’s eyes. “I just really wanted a human bride. I thought I’d enjoy a practice run before having to join with another clan.” 

The elder sighs. “Has your uncle been blathering about that again? Things aren’t serious enough  to consider a political marriage. Honestly, it seems like you’re only doing this to avoid your responsibility-” 

“Grandmother.” Slate bares his teeth in what is almost a snarl. “We are not talking about this right now. I am not talking about this right now.” 

Adalyn shrinks at his tone, before reassuring herself that she is not the subject of his vitriol. There’s a tense silence at the table. Neither of the grey wyverns drop their stare, and she wishes she could be anywhere but there.  

Thankfully, Rinnley speaks. 

“What have you told the women of the last trial?” 

Adalyn is a bit taken aback at the change of topic. “Uh. I’ve been honest with them. It really weeds out the women who aren’t serious about the wedding. It’s a pretty effective deterrent, really.” 

She regrets her words immediately, when the Matron turns her attention on her.  

“Why might that be?” 

Adalyn tries not to shrink again. “It’s... not something most humans can imagine experiencing.” 

“Do humans not have sex?” 

She can’t help but feel that it’s a trick question. Adalyn does her best to steel her resolve. “They do, Matron. They even consummate marriages. It’s the multiple partners part that we find most...  unusual.” 

“And do humans not take multiple partners?” 

Another heavy, measured question. 

Adalyn choses her words carefully. “Not at the same time. Not usually, no.” 

The Matron points a small, sharp smile at Adalyn. “Then your women can rest easy, Ms Baker, for I’ll instruct the males to take turns for this occasion.” 

Despite the seriousness of the situation, Adalyn feels the heat rise to her cheeks. She banishes any image of the trial from her mind, and deliberates over whether or not to push the issue.  

Carefully, she does. “They’ll appreciate that, Matron, and I thank you for your concern. But the trial may still put them at ill ease. Humans tend to view sex as a personal experience. Traditionally we do it in the privacy of our quarters, or preferably our beds. And as far as I’m aware, there are no local human events that call for multiple partners in one night.” 

The Matron’s only reaction is a slight tilt of her head.  

Adalyn is almost relieved when Rin interjects again. “Then how does that impact oestrus? Do couples recluse themselves, or...” 

No, she’s not relieved. This conversation is more draining than when the Matron was checking her skills as an envoy.  

“Humans don’t have a mating season, Rin.” 

Adalyn watches the expressions flitter across her face as Rin gapes. Outright shock turns into confusion, and then her brows dip in concern. “How- When do-” 

“Enough, Rin,” Slate says. “We might all benefit from a discussion of cultural differences, but I don’t think this is the time.” 

The Matron stands. “I know everything I need to. But you should meet to iron out any surprises that could arise of your ignorance.” 

It stings, but less so, when Adalyn realises the statement is addressed to the three of them. Adalyn stands to see the wyverns to the door. She curtsies again when the Matron steps outside, before vanishing into shadow. 

“Woah.” 

“Don’t be too impressed. She can only shadow step short distances. She’s probably taking flight from the edge of the hamlet,” Slate stops to say his goodbye. 

Rin waits outside, while Adalyn stands with the wyvern in the antechamber.  

“That was... intense,” Adalyn wraps her arms around herself. She’s completely drained. Too tired to pick her words carefully, or mind Rin’s presence.  

Slate runs his hand through his hair. “Yeah. You did well, though. Hopefully you won’t have to meet again until the trials. Sorry to spring her on you like that. Once she found out about you, she insisted on meeting.” 

There’s a short silence, as Adalyn searches for a safe topic. “Your cousin seems nice.” 

He shrugs. “She’s tolerable. Loves sticking her nose in everyone else’s business though.” 

“I can hear you,” Rin calls from outside. 

A smile ghosts across his lips.  

Adalyn stifles her own grin, before thinking business again. “Your grandmother was right. We should probably meet just to talk differences. You can bring Rin.” 

“Tomorrow?” 

She nods. “Morning. I can show you two around.” 

He refrains from commenting that he’s already familiar with the hamlet’s layout. But gives a small smile. “We’ll see you then.” 

She lets herself smile back. “See you then.” 

Next

[idv-murder-mystery-utopia]

“Likewise to you, too. Albeit, I've never expected to meet you here in the manor— I guess even the owner knew about your shortcomings after you left the stage.”

For a moment, Adalyn seemed quite kind to Shiloh, and didn't pose much of a threat. However, her next words were... Chilling.

“... However, that doesn't mean your little secret gets hidden forever. Especially when it's about a murder of another actor.”

Her calming tone dropped immediately. But her eyes...

Her eyes seemed to show Shiloh that she knew what she's talking about— does she know about what happened to him before?

Seems like it.

“Just a little warning, if I may— no matter what you do to conceal your past, it'll always reveal itself. You can't hide it forever.

Then again, who am I to judge?”

The tension faded, with her smiling lightly at the actor. Clearly, she knows what she's doing. Soon, she spoke lightly,

“I hope we'd be in a match soon, if anything. If you ever need my assistance, I'm always open for it.”

So as long nothing goes wrong, they'll be fine...

... Or will they?

“An actor? How intriguing. I've heard of your performances before— Shiloh is your name, no?” Adalyn asked, but her eyes shone with a hidden interest. “Well, the name is Adalyn. Adalyn Adlere— the novelist, if you may. It's a pleasure to meet you.” she said with a smile, but it was clear to them that her smile held a hint of knowledge. [@idv-murder-mystery-utopia]

“ah, it is lovely to hear my name be remembered after I've left the stage!”

His initial joy quickly dispersed when he noticed the other’s smile, and the way she looked at him.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you too, and you know my name already, Ms Adlere.”

He did not trust her smile one bit. What did she know about him? She seems to be withholding much more than she knows, and this unsettled him greatly.

@idv-murder-mystery-utopia

[idv-murder-mystery-utopia]

💟

Alright, since this is a wildcard, its time to set a very unfortunate memory for our dearest little Novelist here :) I’m not going to be sorry in the slightest for tormenting her, but lets say her memory isn’t the greatest.

Lets see what went wrong with her in the past to make her this way, shall we?

TW/s: Death, occults, and sacrifices (rituals as well) will be mentioned in this memory. I’ll let you guess on what type of memory it is. Oh, and yes, this is involved with Adalyn- lets say this is her motive before an incident happened... (this will also have a recent memory, though the first will be lengthy. Hope you enjoy it! ♡)

     In the past, Adalyn had nothing to really say that went wrong in her life. She had never felt the need to change anything in her time and she felt... Happy in the past. However, things had changed when September came.

    There had been news that spread around that a group came, speaking of a religion they were in. They had convinced a few people that theirs is not as bad as others would think, but most have decided to steer clear from the danger.

    Adalyn was one of those people that didn't believe them. Who would when the risk is present? She wouldn't wish to join a shady group worshipping a God no one knows about. Instead, she did something she was well-known for by the town she lived in, and that was asking about with what the people think.

    Liana had helped her as well, deeming that she wanted to know what everyone thought about the religion. However, the replies they got were concerning and not the best. A handful of them were just neutral, but there were a few that went through the group and had been banished from said group.

    Well, that's how everyone had said, anyways.

    "There's always something off about that group and the religion they were involved- the eerie atmosphere and the odd seances they host... Its all to worship the Gods, but I doubt it."

    "My sister just joined to this group actually... But she ended up being a brainwashed cultist. Honestly, that's enough suspicion for me! I've seen how everyone reacted, so why would anyone in their right minds want to join the group?!"

    "I was just one of the recent visitors, and their volunteers... I can see that they're not even themselves. I don't know about you, but I doubt you want to join if you want to see that happen."

    All the replies seem to have one thing in common: doubt and denial. She had seen how some of the people reacted when she prodded the question to them, and their statements may be vague or shallow, but it helped her understand a bit on what the group entails in its masses.

    However, when she asked them on the requirements to join, they began to clam up and she can't seem to prod any answers from them. They did say it wasn't worth it, but...

    With a rough sigh, the girl grabbed a fistful of her hair and raked it out of her high ponytail. It frustrated her to no end, but she knew she was being a bit paranoid.

    "It'll be okay, sister- I'm sure the mayor can drive them off soon!"

    Liana knew Adalyn and her frustrations too well, and she was, indeed, the more stubborn one out of the two. Unlike her younger sister, the older had her temper and she refused to give in and stop being so stubborn with tasks.

    And she knew that this one is apart of those frustrations.

    "Come on, they just came in today... Let's hope they leave after, alright?"

    Adalyn glanced at her sister, before nodding with an aggravated sigh crossing from her lips.

    "Fine. I'm just... Ugh, my instincts are telling me to get through their case— I can't seem to crack on the requirements since someone sent me basic information about this cult months ago, Lia."

    "I know, but being frustrated wont solve anything. I know you, sister, and I know being frustrated won't solve anything."

    The younger sibling grabbed the letter that was addressed to the other, before placing it in Adalyn's hands.

    "Come on, you're stronger than this! We can solve it, and I know it!"

    But it is easier said than done.

                                                                ---

    Weeks had passed after the group's arrival, and it didn't seem like they'd be leaving anytime soon. She had watched as the others asked about the group and tried to join in which let them have a bigger amount of people following their every whim with no strings attached.

    And soon enough, almost half of the townsfolks have joined this seemingly blessed group and their religion. The only ones were the ex-volunteers, and the non-believers.

    Adalyn knew that something was definitely up with the town. The Mayor had said to help them (Adalyn and Liana were the known ones due to helping around the town in all its years), but after seeing what it is about, he couldn't do anything about it but he did say he'd check on the group and keep a more... Watchful eye on it.

    She would've reckon that the group was something different, but she didn't give too much thought into it. The mayor can settle it... Right?

    Nonetheless, there hadn't been much updates on their end, but the novelist found herself asking the staff and the others who joined about the religion itself just to get a shed of information behind it, though the most answers she got were... Cryptic at best.

    But not as bad as she anticipated.

    All the girl knew about the religion was that it had been up for centuries, and it was portrayed on worshipping God from what He has done till the end with His ancestors and such. She knew it was basically Christianity, but their words...

      Their words and reactions aren’t the best, and it gave her a bad impression. They look so dazed and convinced that it was good that they kept pressuring the poor novelist to join in as well. “You’ll fit in, dearest! Trust me!” one of them said to her, nudging her with a grin on their lips.

        Fit in? As if she’d believe that for a second. She knew too well that she never believed in a religion hosted by a small group or two, and she was wary to a fault. What would make them believe that she’d ever join? Was it from how unsuspecting she is? If it is, then that’s false. She’s already known to state her opinions, no matter if its controversial or not, so their claims are already false.

      God, it ticks her off when people can’t seem to understand when she’s making a valid point...

      However, she didn’t seem to understand on how people got influenced the longer they went to that group. Even her little sister is getting roped to them, and as much as she hated doubting Liana, she knew it won’t be long till something ever happens to her younger sister.

        And she’s not risking that possibility... At all.

                                                               ---

          Adalyn had seen everything from the group and their actions as well, though what she didn’t understood was their motive.

            That’s the only thing she was lacking: their motive.

            She didn’t knew what was going on, but she’s been staying at the side for months. Despite this, though, she has seen what’s happening from 10th of October.

            One by one, she’s seen the cases of the girls disappearing without a trace. No wills, no letters, no evidence- its almost as if they vanished out of thin air, and disappeared from the face of the Earth. And this caught the mayor’s attention, who begged asked her for help. She had told the mayor what she knows to a vague standpoint, so that he wouldn’t worry so much on what’s going on.

              He did agreed on her statement and her observation, though the one thing that set him off was the day the mayor’s daughter had disappeared a few weeks after.

              The mayor was angered and demanded answers when he realized that his daughter disappeared, whilst the novelist was struggling to get more information at the case at hand. Most people that she asked (who were now fully invested and involved in the cult) refused to answer her questions, or kept giving vague and ambiguous answers that set the girl off from even bothering with her line of questioning.

              However, as she tried to get more answers, she finally found where the mayor’s daughter was. Only, that the day and timing was not the greatest.

              October 22nd, and at exactly 3 in the morning did the leader summoned all of the people in the town. Believers and non-believers alike managed to get to the venue, and even the mayor himself came. The sisters were the last ones to arrive, though the moment they came, they found an unfortunate sight.

              In front of the church’s entrance, the leader (who was cloaked) had the daughter of the mayor in their hands, their voice booming loudly enough for everyone to hear. “Believers of God, I have our fitting sacrifice!” he stated proudly, with everyone cheering for said sacrifice in front of them. The daughter only cried and struggled, yelling, “Let me go! You guys are the worst!!”

              The mayor’s eyes widened as his stressed expression became a sneer, and he immediately yelled out, “That’s my daughter! Let her go!” whilst the man himself rushed up to the stage. However, the leader cackled and spoke loudly, “Disciples! Restrain him!”

              It was a wild ride as Adalyn saw how the man was restrained, with him yelling out to let his daughter go. Unfortunately, this reached up to deaf ears as the leader ended up sacrificing the poor girl to their ‘God’.

            Adalyn felt her blood run cold when she saw the girl was stripped off of her clothing, with the disciples hitting her using a whip hard enough to draw out blood from her wounds. Her screams only made the crowd roar, possibly because they seem to want her to be ‘baptized’ and accepted of the ‘Lord’.

              Of their Lord.

              The one that kicked the bucket for the mayor was the fact that his daughter was being hung on the cross, but instead of being upright, she was hung upside down and let the blood rush up to her head. Her blood curling screams died down as they began to hammer her hands and feet in place of the cross. But one thing that Adalyn knew, though...

              ... That day, the mayor snapped, and Adalyn knew that the town will never be the same.

[umbrellalad]

An Excerpt from a Book I’ll Never Finish

The Galaxy and all it’s Stars

Why is quiet so hard to hear? Sitting in the quiet, listening and thinking and all I can hear is the static in my brain. No matter what I do I can’t turn it off. Even when I try to use it all the thoughts do is jam together, running into each other jumping around until all it’s caused is a headache. I try to sort them out, to figure out what it is the universe is trying to whisper in my ear, but all I hear is noise, noise, noise, until I have to just stop trying. 

My thoughts are as vast and as jumbled as the universe itself, so you’d think we speak the same language, but I guess the two don’t mix, because all I can hear is static. My room reverberates with the stuff. A box full of echos only I can hear. Still, it’s better than outside, where all of my thoughts are trapped inside my own head. Outside they swirl in the wind, forming a cloud around my head. I have to reel them in, chain them up to keep them from running out. I don’t know why they’re so hard to control. Others don’t seem to have a problem with controlling their own heads. They walk around perfectly content with the way they’re thinking, the way they’re acting, the way they’re talking. To them the world is nothing but hopscotch for one to enjoy. For me the world is a tight-rope across a windy canyon. One wrong step and it all goes tumbling down, down, down.

I find comfort in the universe. With something so colossus and magnificent, how can anything I do possibly ruin it?

Still, at times it feels like the universe is shrinking in on me. Gravity increases and the galaxies collide in on themselves. Then I go to bed. Wake up. And the universe has begun expanding again. 

Waking up today was easy. Summer had begun. I no longer had to worry about the load of homework or projects piling up while I sat in my room doing nothing.

I roll over and look at the clock at the side of my bed. It’s a retro rectangle of an alarm clock, because somehow turning the clock face into a rectangle made it more desirable then. 

9:26. Not a bad time to wake up. Early enough that I haven’t wasted the day away, and late enough to feel like it’s too late to go back to bed. 

So I get up. Whatever extensional crisis took it’s turn last night has retreated back into the basements of my brain. If it was a good day hopefully I wouldn’t have another one until at least four.

Downstairs my mom is cooking breakfast for my sisters and my brother. I can smell the bacon as I walk into the kitchen. What would be described as a peaceful, welcoming scene to wake up to is anything but. There’s not so much serenity and love in the air as there is simply hunger and tension.

My youngest sister Brielle is sitting at the table, smearing scrambled eggs on the table. Now with this behavior one would guess Bri is three? two? She’s ten. My theory is she doesn’t have that little voice in our heads that tells us our actions will have consequences. Or that she does have this voice, but only listens to it when the consequences include her. She knows that she could get up from the table right now, and Mom would go over and clean it up without a second thought.

The twins Adalyn and Asher are play fighting. A game that will without doubt turn into a real duel the moment one of them knocks their elbow the wrong way on the couch. They’re both 13. Old enough to know that actions have consequences, but still too young or too sociopathic to care. 

My mom sees me first. She’s making more eggs for Adalyn and Asher along with frying bacon. “Morning sweetie, do you want anything?”

White Dwarf

A white dwarf, also called a degenerate dwarf, is a stellar core remnant composed mostly of electron-degenerate matter. A white dwarf is very dense: its mass is comparable to that of the Sun, while its volume is comparable to that of Earth. A white dwarf's faint luminosity comes from the emission of stored thermal energy; no fusion takes place in a white dwarf.[1] The nearest known white dwarf is Sirius B, at 8.6 light years, the smaller component of the Sirius binary star. There are currently thought to be eight white dwarfs among the hundred star systems nearest the Sun

My mom is a white dwarf. She was once a shining star, a radiant young woman, full of life, energy, and excitement. When she was young my mom would go on spontaneous adventures with her friends. They would go skydiving or cliff jumping or bar hopping or just go on a road trip to the middle of nowhere. I’ve seen pictures from back then. She looks so free, so unburdened. When Mom had kids that part of her life took a decline, and when my dad left it ended completely. No more time for spontaneity. No more opportunity for it either. Now she’s only a remnant of the woman she used to be, but she still manages to give off the same warmth. 

I know she has a lot on her plate, so I try to stay out of her way most of the time. I do my best to be self-sufficient and try not to cause her too much worry. 

I wish I could be more like she was, when she was a kid. I find it hard to even leave the house without planning it a day in advance. She would board a plane and fly to Italy without a second thought. My life consists of the same thing everyday, no changes, no excitement. Is it because I made it that way or is it the way it was made for me?

I say no, like I always say no. Not because I don’t want to accept her hospitality, but because I don’t want to add to her plate of things to do. 

Nor do I want to partake in this mess we call a home life.

I grab a banana from a bowl on the table and sit on the opposite side of Bri. I look down at the egg she’s using to decorate the table. She stares at me challengingly. 

I take a bite of my banana.

Adalyn and Asher’s voices rise. Someone hit someone else a little too hard. 

Bri glares at me harder, increasing her pressure on the eggs.

Asher screams.

The banana feels tough in my throat.

The sizzling of the bacon rises.

Bri smooshes her eggs.

Adalyn yells.

My head hurts.

The scent of bacon gets thicker.

My heart picks up pace.

A cry.

A scolding.

A challenge.

A throbbing.

A yell.

I get out of my chair and go back upstairs.

My room is safe. In my room I don’t have to worry about screaming children or a messy home. The only things I have to worry about in my room are the things I create myself. Still challenging, but at least here I have a sense of control.

My headache lessens and my heart slows to its normal pace.

This house is like a prison. Everyday it feels like it’s closing in on me, tightening it’s hold on my life. There’s nowhere to go, no escape. It just drives me deeper and deeper into my own brain. 

I’m sitting on the floor. I’ve found that sitting in places where one wouldn’t normally sit when there are chairs available, is calming. It gives me a fake sense of personality.

Looking up I examine the face looking back at me in the mirror. I inherited my mother’s thick blond hair. It falls past my shoulders in ringlets. Needing something to do, I part my hair and braid it into two plaits. 

Full lips. Brown eyes. A freckled face.  Heavy brows. A pointed nose. Thick lashes. 

This is who I see in the mirror. It’s me. This is the body which my mind, my soul, my essence is encaptured. An infinity of possibilities, an infinity of features and these are the ones I’ve been graced with. An whole wide universe to choose from and this is where my soul settles. 

Oh look there’s the existential crisis. In almost record time.

I sigh and fall back onto the carpet. Stare up at the ceiling. The quiet is nice.

A crash sounds from downstairs. More yelling.

A sudden urge strikes me. Like my chest will explode if I don’t do what it says. 

I need to get out of this house.

I pull on my shoes from my closet and jog downstairs.

“I’m going to go on a walk,” I call to Mom.

She’s busy trying to talk Bri into eating some fruit with her eggs. She doesn’t hear me. I stand in the middle of the kitchen. I don’t see Adalyn, but Asher is sitting on the couch, looking very upset about the book he’s most likely being forced to read. No one sees me.

I’m used to being invisible.  As soon as the first attempt to be seen goes unnoticed, all of the others just melt away. 

I go out the front door, not bothering to take my phone with me. I don’t have to worry about getting texts. I was never really one for making friends anyways. Whenever I did find people to hang out with it always felt superficial, like they were just pretending to tolerate my company. Besides, I could never find the right thing to say. My mind wouldn’t go with the flow of their conversation, it would pick at each word, each voice inflection, each micro-expression. Trying to decipher the hidden meaning in every one of their simple sentences. 

When I was 14 I had a friend named Blake. She was my first real friend. We had met at school when she said something funny in history and I laughed. She turned around and smiled at me and I smiled back. We exchanged numbers and then every night we would text for hours. We talked about school and the teachers we hated. She talked about the boys she had crushes on and I told her why they weren’t good enough for her. We traded music suggestions and talked about how Sherlock deserved a fifth season. 

I would lay on my side in bed and smile in the glow of my phone screen. It was the best feeling in the world.

But then the spaces between her texts got longer. And I started to realize that the only nights we talked were the nights where I texted her. And then that feeling started to melt, to harden in my stomach. I worried that she felt obligated to text me back. What if she didn’t actually want to text me, and only did because she felt like she had to?

So I stopped texting her, and I waited for her to text me. 

And the text never came.

A couple times after that she would say something like “Hey we haven’t talked in so long!” and I would reply “omg what’s up?” But it was just that. An obligation. She had gotten bored of me and after a while I began to wonder why it hadn’t happened sooner.

My feet slap against the hot concrete as I walk away from home. I don’t know exactly where I’m going, but it feels good to go. I keep walking until I find myself at the edge of the sidewalk. Trees, tall and proud, loom over me. 

I step into their embrace. In the trees the air feels cooler and the light is muted. Sun shines in through gaps in the leaves, trickling over the stones and the roots. I go deeper into the woods and I feel the pressure in my head drop with each step. The world seems to sparkle and I find solace in the quiet beauty of it all. This is a place untarnished by whatever messes us humans decide to create. 

Eventually, I find what would become my refuge. It was a large pile of  massive stone blocks, shaped so that if there was a fourth side it would have been a square. But the fourth side must have fallen out, must have given way to nature, because all that remains are a few scattered blocks leading up to the top.

I like to think that it was once part of a grand castle, and that this structure was all that remained from that era we’ve romanticized so. But I live in the United States so that’s unlikely. I don’t know why it was built, or what it was meant to be, but now it stands in solitary, unbothered by whatever expectations were once put onto it.

Excited, I move towards the stones. It stands over four times taller than me, but still I climb. I crawl over the blocks and pull myself up until I stand at the top of the ruins. My heart clenches as I look down, but it’s not a completely bad thing. It’s… exhilarating. For the first time in a while I’m not stuck inside my own head. The thoughts that normally ping ponged around in my head had flown out. My mind was clear.

It was amazing. 

I felt like I was alone, sitting on an island of time just waiting. I don’t know what I was waiting for, but I didn’t mind the rest. I laid down across the stones and looked up at the sky. It was framed by the trees, a perfect little viewing spot just for me. 

I laid there for a long time. Watched as the clouds raced across the sky, eventually moving out entirely and leaving the sky open for the stars. It’s so funny how when we think of stars we think of tiny little dots sprinkled across the heavens, while in reality stars are massive, flaming orbs of heat and gas, so big we can’t even comprehend how big they really are. The sun is the closest star to Earth and we are so used to it that its mass settles slightly better in our tiny brains. But if you think, if you truly think about how immense stars, the galaxy, the universe is… Our brains aren’t big enough. 

Proxima Centauri

Proxima Centauri is the closest star to our sun. It is a small, low mass star and is a member of the Alpha Centauri system. It is located 4.244 light-years away from the Sun in the southern constellation of Centaurus. This means that even if traveling at the speed of light was possible, it would still take 4.244 years to reach the star.

The second closest star in the entire universe, and at the height of technology right now it would take 73,000 years to get there. An amount of time past comprehension. We think that time is something we observe, but time will continue long after everything else is gone. The only thing we do is give time a little more meaning, a little more use. Time goes and goes and goes and goes every if there’s no one and nothing to observe it.

I don’t know how much time I spent laying on those ruins, but eventually I stood up, climbed down, and walked home. 

Quietly pushing open the door I stepped inside. It’s moments like this I don’t mind being at home. When the house is silent everything seems a bit more bearable. The shadows give everything mystery, making each step a small adventure.

I tiptoe upstairs, making sure to step over that one stair that always groans. I peek into Mom’s room. 

She’s asleep, sprawled out across the bed. She had probably thought that I was just in my room all day. I couldn’t blame her. It wouldn’t have been off brand. 

There’s just a small part of me that wishes she would have stayed up so that we could have talked without the commotion of my siblings wrecking the house. But it’s unreasonable, it’s late and she’s tired. 

I’m tired too. Closing the door to my room I fall onto my bed. My head is still clear from my little adventure.

It was a pretty good day.

[bitchloveskcbaseball]

I Know a Guy

I know this isn’t really how this is supposed to work, but I was reading through this prompt list while I was trying to get my thoughts organized for another fic I’m working on and this scenario just started playing out in my mind. So I decided, what the hell and wrote it out.

It’s a really angsty fic with a decent amount of cursing, but otherwise, nothing too serious. Got the idea from this list (hope I did that link right - this is basically my first Tumblr post lol)

Title comes from the Chris Young song that also happened to be playing when the idea came to me.

Credit to Pixelberry for their characters Open Heart Bryce and Ramsey

*******************************************************************************************

“You don’t actually expect me to let you go, do you?”

 “I don’t recall giving you a choice.” There was a long pause where the pair just stood staring at each other, before her face morphed into a sardonic glare. “Or should I say, I don’t recall giving you the option to take your choice back.”

“Dammit. Don’t be like this!” Bryce could hear the whine in his voice, but he was too far gone to give a shit.

“Don’t be like what? You did this. You broke us! What do you expect?”

Lost in a sea of helplessness, he let out a sigh. She was right. He was the one who had been so damn insecure. He’d totally lost his shit on her and accused her of sleeping with Ramsey. And then had refused to even listen to her when she tried to set him straight.

“I…I don’t know. I just…”

“No. You don’t get to do that. You don’t get to try and guilt trip me. Not after ignoring me for months. For treating me like a goddamn plague. Just because your latest tryst seems to have dumped you, doesn’t give you the right to come crawling back to me, asshole.”

“Come on, Lyn. Just…I just wanna apol…”

“Save it. Nothing you could say will change anything. Nothing.” The hard glint in her eyes brought out the blue tint to them so that they looked more like slate than their usual grey. It was never a good sign when they did that.

She started to walk away, then, clearly having had enough of the conversation. But panic bubbling up inside of Bryce had him reaching out to stop her. The way she pulled her arm out of his grasp without so much as a hint of hesitation left him feeling as though there was a block of lead in his gut. Still, he had to try. Some how he instinctively knew this was his last shot to fix what he had fucked up.

“Adalyn. I’m sorry. I… ugh… This isn’t me making excuses. I just… I need you to know what was going on in my fucked-up head, ok?” When the only move she made was to raise an eyebrow, he took that as a sign to continue. “My dad had just gotten released from prison and my parents were talking about coming out to visit. So, I was panicking because I didn’t want you all to find out who I really was. Who they were. Then you started blowing me off to run off on errands with Ramsey. To do stuff that seemed like it had nothing to do with the diagnostics team. And before you say anything, I know I should have trusted you. Should have talked to you about how I felt, rather than throwing accusations around. But… I could see the way he looks at you. And I wasn’t thinking clearly. And maybe… maybe I was trying to sabotage what we had before my family could come and fuck everything up. I…I was scared that seeing the disappointment on your face, seeing the derision once you knew everything… I was scared it would destroy me. You are my everything.”

“Oh, really? If that’s how…”

“I know. It makes no sense that I would push you away because I was afraid of losing you. I’ll be the first to admit, I definitely wasn’t using my brain.”

“Ya, think?” If there was any hint of her softening, or even trying to understand where he was coming from, he couldn’t see it in her expression. “So… suppose for a minute, I actually believe this bullshit you’re trying to sell. Why wait so long? I tried for weeks to get you to talk to me. Hell, to just let me explain. Now all these damned months later, you suddenly want forgiveness? To work everything out? Why now?”

“Please don’t make me answer that.”

Adalyn laughed derisively. “Why? It’s not like you can fuck things up any worse than you already have. Why not go for broke and be honest for once?”

Bryce hung his head, unable to meet her icy glare. “I hate kissing strangers and pretending they’re you.”

“You have got to be kidding me! I…I can’t believe I ever…”

The way she trailed off had Bryce’s head shooting up to search her face. Hope started to flare in his chest but he tried his best to tamp it down. “Ever what?”

“What difference does it make, Bryce? It’s over. We’re over. I can’t do this with you anymore.”

“Adalyn! Wait!” This time she made sure to keep more than an arm’s length distance between the two of them as she walked away, but he still tried to catch her anyway. When his empty hand fell back to his side, it felt like his heart shattered like a broken window. Having already given up on protecting his pride, he had nothing left to lose, so he threw one last Hail Mary try. “I still remember. I remember the way you taste. The way you move. The way your breath catches before you bite your lip and fight that moan you know drives me crazy.”

She had stopped in her tracks, head turned slightly so he could just make out the side of her face while still not able to see her reaction. After several long, heart-wrenching beats, she whispered, so quietly he almost didn’t hear, “Well. I hope that’s enough to last you a lifetime then.”

He wished he hadn’t been able to hear.

*******************************************************************************************

Author’s note: I know this isn’t really how Bryce’s family drama played out, and it may not really even fit in the timeline with the book, but I just needed a reason for Bryce to lose his mind and go all stupid.

[nostalgiabones]

Alone, But Not Really // Single Dad!Ashton AU

A/N: well! It’s about time we had some Ashton on my blog. This is really different for me! It’s the most angsty thing i’ve ever written so please let me know what you think. It’s over 6000 words which is ridiculous lmao.  Shoutout to @i-calumhood​ for being so supportive and helping me out with this! ❤️(Possible TW of death - but nothing in detail)

“Ashton? We have someone important for you to meet when we get to the buses.”

Cory’s voice broke Ashton from his thoughts, from where he was bouncing Adalyn in his arms, trying to keep her entertained with the multi-coloured rattle in her grasp. He had no idea what day or time it was, or even where they were. It was their first day back touring after over a year off, as well as being Ashton’s first time touring as a parent; more specifically, as a single parent.

The crew had been in two minds about how to handle the situation, ever since the tour was planned and announced. There was no way that Ashton would go on tour and leave her behind. Having just passed her first birthday, she was well and truly attached and reliant on Ashton, and he would not be that parent. He knew how it felt to have a parent leave, and he could never put his sweet baby girl through that. They knew he’d sooner turn down a tour than go without her, so there was never any doubt that Ada would be joining them.

Ashton was stubborn. They all knew that. 

He was reluctant to accept help when it came to his daughter. It had only been seven months since he’d been forced into becoming a single parent. He had been her sole parent for more than half of her life. He could do it; he could be her dad, and they didn’t need anyone else. But that was whilst they were at home, and he didn’t have the band to focus on; tour had always been a mental battle for them all, and adding a baby to the mix was bound to make it much more difficult.

That was where you came in; babysitting for families every weekend had become a side job to earn a little extra money, mostly spending a few hours on a Saturday night watching Disney movies, or playing hide and seek. It was never anything too intense. That was until you received a phone call from a member of 5 Seconds of Summer’s management, asking if you wanted to join their tour, to help out with Ashton’s daughter. 

It was a decision you hadn’t taken lightly. It would mean being away for a good chunk of the year, and babysitting a child you had never met, travelling around with a close knit crew that you had never been a part of. But, it would also give you the chance to travel around the world with an extremely talented band, and get to know them as well as Ada. You’d always wanted to explore the world, and this was a perfect opportunity to do so. 

“Someone important? What do you mean?” Ashton questioned, making sure he had a good grip on Ada as the band started to move through the airport, to head to the tour buses. He didn’t know why this person would only be important to him. The crew were reluctant to make him aware of the situation. They knew he felt as though he didn’t need the help, and he didn’t want it. They thought otherwise; they had no doubts about his abilities as a father, but they just wanted what was best for him. 

“You’ll see. Just please, have an open mind.” 

Ashton was too tired and jet lagged to try and work out who was waiting for him on the bus. All he wanted to do was pass out in his bunk with Ada, so they could both catch up on some well needed sleep. They had a few days to rehearse and such before the first show, which he was grateful for. 

You had flown out at a little earlier than them, already moving some of your things onto the bus, and trying to get settled in. The situation had been explained to you; they’d warned you that it might take Ashton a while to warm up to you, and accept your help. But you understood that leaving a baby in the care of someone he didn’t know would be worrying, especially when the two of them were so used to it being just them.

Hanging around the car park with a few other members of the crew, you spotted the band finally making their way towards the bus. Your heart melted at the sleepy baby girl settled in Ashton’s arms, her messy dark blonde curls a contrast to her dad’s jet black hair. They had matching slightly grumpy expressions, eyebrows furrowed and lips pouted, clearly ready for some sleep.

“There you are! We have some people we’d like you to meet.” Cory greeted you, and you were happy to see a familiar face. You’d met and spoken to him before, and you felt a little less nervous now that he was there to introduce you. “This is Ashton, and Ada.” 

“It’s nice to finally meet you, Ashton. I’ve heard a lot about you.” You held your hand out for him to shake, which he did, the confused expression not leaving his face. 

“Can someone explain what’s going on?” He asked, the situation still not becoming any clearer to him. He didn’t want to be rude. But he had just gotten off of a long haul flight, and he didn’t see why this conversation was so important. 

“She’s here to help out with Ada.” Cory explained, watching as Ashton took a deep breath at his words, trying to conceal the urge to roll his eyes. “Just an extra pair of hands, for when you’re on stage or needed elsewhere. I know you said you don’t need help, and we believe you, but we just want what’s best for you. This is just to help you out, okay?” 

Ashton was ambivalent about the situation. On one hand, he knew they were just trying to make things easier for him, to give him a break when he would need it. On the other hand, he was a fully capable father, and the thought of leaving Ada with someone that he didn’t know made him feel slightly sick. 

He decided not to bite back. As frustrated as he felt, he didn’t want to make a bad first impression on you, especially if you were about to spend the next few months helping him to raise his daughter. 

“Okay.” He affirmed, sending you a slightly forced, but warm smile. “It’s nice to meet you too. We have a lot to talk about.” 

Cory sent you a reassuring smile and squeezed your shoulder, the small gesture of encouragement making you feel more welcome. You knew Ashton meant no harm; the introduction could have gone much worst. The first few nights were bound to be awkward, maybe even the first few weeks. You were living on the same bus as them, so you would be on hand to help out with Ada whenever Ashton needed you. 

“Hey, i’m Calum.” You were pulled into a warm hug, introducing yourself to the tall, heavily tattooed bass player. “Don’t let him scare you off. He’s very protective over Ada, but he’ll come around. It’s good to have you with us.”

“Thank you, Calum.” You replied, starting to feel less uncomfortable as you were made to feel more welcome by the rest of the band. 

“Come on, i’ll introduce you to the rest of the family.”

***

“It usually takes a while to get her to sleep.” 

You were left alone with Ashton and Ada for the first time, knowing that you needed to break the ice between the three of you, in order to get them to trust you. It almost felt like you were back at school; Ashton reeling off rules and information off the top of his head as you tried to take it all in, nodding understandingly as he spoke. 

Ashton was trying his best to not be so opposed to the situation. It wasn’t your fault. You seemed caring, friendly and willing to help out in any way that you could, and he appreciated that. He just couldn’t stop the nagging voice in his head that told him that he didn’t need you, and that he was fully capable on his own.

“I don’t really know how her routine is going to work on tour.” He continued to explain, as he continued to unpack the seemingly never ending supply of nappies and baby grows, organising them into piles. “We had a good routine at home, but I don’t think it’ll work as smoothly here. She loves her uncles. She’ll get too excited to sleep if they’re around, so we’ll need to find somewhere quiet to settle her.” 

“I’m sure we can do that.” You reassured him, trying to take everything on board. He was still balancing Ada in his arms, her little hands clinging to his t-shirt as he moved around the kitchen. You were reluctant to ask him if you could hold her, but you pushed the reluctance to the back of your mind and decided to ask anyway. “Do you want me to take her whilst you sort your things out?” 

You saw the hesitance on his face at your question, taking a deep breath and kissing her cheek before nodding in your direction. “I’m right here, okay sweetheart?” 

You took her into your arms and settled her in your lap, so she could still watch what Ashton was doing from where you were sat on the sofa.

“Hi, Ada.” You cooed softly, stroking her cheek gently and cuddling her, so she felt safe in your hold. Her big green eyes were curiously studying your face, almost as if she was trying to work out if she knew you, and if she felt okay being held by you. “She has such beautiful eyes, Ashton.” 

He smiled at your words, a sadness seeming to take over his demeanor as he acknowledged your words. He paused for a moment, glancing at her in your arms before replying, “she looks like her mum.” 

Ashton avoided your gaze after he mentioned Ada’s mum, almost like he couldn’t bare to look at you or her in that moment. Being a single parent was tough in any circumstances. But you had a feeling there was something so painful about their situation; that there was more to it than her just getting up and leaving one day. You had so many questions. No one had told you how he ended up as a single father, and as much as you wanted to ask, the sadness in his eyes told you not to. It was far too early for that. He’d tell you when he was ready. 

The three of you sat in a slightly uncomfortable silence for a little longer, as Ashton finished sorting out all of their belongings. Ada got a little restless in your arms, reaching out for Ashton and crying “dada!” until he took her back into his embrace.

“Hi, sleepy baby.” He murmured to her, wrapping his arms around her and stroking through her hair. He looked as though he had missed her for the ten minutes that he hadn’t been holding her for, and you knew it was gonna take a lot longer for him to warm up to leaving her with you. “I’m gonna try and put her down. You can go and find the guys, if you want.”

You nodded and watched as he kissed her pouty lips, grabbing the warm bottle of milk from the microwave and heading to the back where the bunks were. It was clear he just wanted some time with her, and you understood. Walking out of the band’s bus, you headed to the where the rest of the crew were staying, trying to find some familiar faces.

“Hey, there you are. I’m Luke, by the way.” You recognised the blonde haired front man, accepting the friendly hug that he’d pulled you into. “I hear you’re gonna be staying on the bus with us. I hope we don’t scare you off too quickly.”

“If anyone is gonna do that, it’s Ashton.” Another voice piped up, who you soon learned to be Michael. “How are things going with him?”

“I mean, he let me hold her? So I think we’ve made some progress.” You replied, watching as Calum raised his thick eyebrows in surprise.

“He did? You’re doing well so far.” Calum scoffed, patting your shoulder reassuringly. It was slow and steady progress, but hearing their words made you feel a little better. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad after all.

***

Later that night, you and the three other members of the band finally made your way back to the bus, finding Ashton and Ada fast asleep on the sofa in the back room. Calum gently shook Ashton’s shoulder, waking him up so he could put Ada down and head to bed instead of sleeping on the sofa.

“Do you want me to take her? I can change her and put her to bed, if you like.” You offered, clearly seeing how tired he was and hoping you’d get a little more time with Ada, so she could get to know you.

“It’s okay, I got it.” Ashton replied, almost coldly, moving to grab Ada’s pyjamas, as she began to stir in his arms. “Shh, it’s alright, baby girl.”

You tried to hide the disappointment in your eyes as you watched them together, trying to think rationally and tell yourself that it was the first night, and he still wasn’t fully comfortable with idea of you being there.

“He’ll come around.” Calum reaffirmed softly, also noticing how you seemed a little deflated by Ashton’s words. “He just needs time.”

***

A few days later and there had been no major improvements; you’d held Ada whilst she napped a few times, and helped Ashton out by changing her and making her bottles.

Your relationship with him hadn’t had made much progress. You tried to be patient, tried to tell yourself that it wasn’t personal to you, it was him telling himself that he didn’t need any help. But the day of the first show had finally come around, therefore, it would be the first time Ada would be left alone with you.

“30 minutes until stage, guys.”

The atmosphere backstage was buzzing, the adrenaline and anticipation for the first show building more and more as time went by. Ashton was rocking Ada in his arms, hoping to get her to sleep before he had to leave so she wouldn’t notice that he was gone. But what he had previously told you proved true - she loved her uncles, and had no interest in sleeping when she knew they were around. Her wide eyes were eagerly looking around the green room, the heavy Australian rock music sounding through the speakers not helping to make a calm environment for her to fall asleep in.

“If she needs me, please come and get me.” Ashton told you, pressing several kisses to Ada’s forehead as he prepared to hand her over to you. “She’ll probably want a bottle soon and then go to sleep. But if she doesn’t, I can come and get her.”

“We’ll be just fine, Ashton.” You reassured him, knowing there is no way you would be allowed to disturb the show, no matter what Ashton wanted. You felt confident that you wouldn’t need to though, and that she’d be fine. “Go have fun, okay? She’ll be waiting for you when you get back.”

He reluctantly handed her over to you, making sure she settled in your arms before grabbing his in-ears to prepare for the show. He didn’t take his eyes from her for as long as he could, making sure she wasn’t crying or didn’t look uncomfortable.

“Wave goodbye to daddy, Ada.” You cooed to her, grabbing her tiny hand in your larger one and waving it in Ashton’s direction, as you followed them to the stage. All four members fist bumped you and Ada as they left, soon learning that this was their pre show tradition, and they did it to every crew member in sight. “We’ll be okay for a few hours, won’t we?”

Ashton went out there and gave the show his all, like he always did. It felt good to be back on stage. He needed the release. It had been over a year since they’d done a show, and he felt great.

He couldn’t stop the looming thought that he had left Ada, that she’d be upset, and wondering where he was. He didn’t want the show to end, but on the other hand, he did. He wanted to shower and cuddle Ada and hold her as she fell asleep; his sweet baby girl.

Ashton all but threw his drumsticks as soon as the show was over and ran off stage, demanding to know where Ada was and if she was okay. When he couldn’t find you backstage and he was told you’d gone back to the bus, he was convinced something had gone wrong.

The sound of the door to the bus swinging open startled you, as you weren’t expecting the guys to be back for a little longer. You were so relieved; the first show had gone well. Ada wouldn’t settle backstage so you’d taken her back to the bus, changing her into her cosy pyjamas and giving her a bottle. She had been a dream, falling asleep after you’d rocked her in your arms, and not making a sound since.

“There you are.” Ashton sighed in relief, almost as if he was expecting you to be elsewhere. His heart melted as his eyes landed upon Ada curled into your chest, fast asleep, warm and content under the fluffy blanket you had wrapped her in. “Was she okay?”

“She’s was perfect, Ashton.” You replied, rubbing your hand up and down Ada’s back as she shifted in her sleep. “I just came back here because it’s quieter, and it’ll get her used to sleeping on the bus. I gave her a bottle and she went straight to sleep.”

It felt foreign to Ashton to see Ada fall asleep on someone who wasn’t him. He had rocked her to sleep pretty much every night for the past seven months, feeling calm and at peace when she fell asleep on him, her gentle breathing managing to slow his racing thoughts. It made him think that maybe she didn’t need him quite as much as he thought she did.

Seeing her asleep on your chest made his heart ache in a different way. It made him think of when she used to fall asleep on her mum, back when he wasn’t doing this all alone. It was hard to see. It made him wish that she had a mum. One that could be here to love and take care of her, like she had for the first five months of her life, before it all got snatched away.

“Thank you.” He murmured soflty, a sincerity in his eyes as you smiled back at him. “I appreciate it.”

“This is what I’m here for, Ashton.”

***

Some days, it felt like you’d taken two steps forward and three steps back.

A few weeks into the tour, Ashton was starting to warm up to your help and trust you more, after you’d managed to take care of Ada every night whilst he was on stage with only a few minor bumps. He had his moments; where he turned cold and all but ignored you, wanting to keep Ada to himself. Today was one of those days; much to everyone’s dismay, Ada had managed to catch a chest infection, and Ashton didn’t want to let her out of his sight.

“Ash, we need to go.” Calum told him cautiously, having been instructed by their manager to coax him away from Ada and off of the bus. They had an afternoon of promo and interviews followed by a show and it wasn’t appropriate for Ada to be there, especially when she wasn’t feeling good. You were meant to be taking care of her, but Ashton was reluctant to leave her behind.

“I told you, I’m not leaving her.” Ashton replied sternly, running a hand through Ada’s messy curls as she snuggled into his chest, coughing sadly. “She needs me today, you can go without me.”

“She doesn’t need you, Ashton. She needs taking care of, which will still happen if you come with us.” Calum’s words seemed harsh and he didn’t want to piss Ashton off, but it could be difficult when he was so stubborn and would refuse to listen to anyone. “I know you worry about her, but she’s gonna be fine for a few hours without you.”

“That’s what I’m here for Ashton, I can take care of her.” You reassured him, reaching out to rub Ada’s back in an attempt to get him to give her to you. “I’ll keep you updated.”

“You promise to text if you need anything or if she gets worst?” Ashton demanded, sending a glare of annoyance in Calum’s direction, even though he knew rationally that it wasn’t his fault.

“Of course.” You understood that he was protective of her. But it hurt sometimes when you felt as though he didn’t trust you to take care of Ada, when you’d given him no reason to believe that you couldn’t. In your heart you knew it ran deeper than that. He was her one and only parent, and he took that responsibility very seriously. “Please, try not to worry. We’ll be okay.”

You really did think you would be okay. However, Ada was not; as soon as Ashton had finally passed her over and followed the guys out of the bus, she hadn’t stopped crying. She was hot, uncomfortable, over-tired, and probably missing Ashton.

You’d asked their manager if you could call Ashton, like you promised, but he declined; he didn’t want any distractions, meaning you had to work out how to soothe her on your own.

“It’s okay, Ada.” You paced back and forth in the small bus, rubbing her back and trying to keep her pacifier in her mouth as she cried. Her chest was wheezy and her nose blocked, making it hard for her breathe as she wailed sadly against your shoulder. “Your dad will be back so soon, sweet girl. It’s okay.”

An anxious feeling was building in your stomach at the thought of her still being upset when Ashton got back. He would not be happy, after you were so insistent on being able to take care of her, and how much he didn’t want to leave.

It hadn’t been Ashton’s best show.

He so badly wanted to relax into it and be able to give it his all, like he usually did. But all he could think about was Ada, about how unwell she was and how badly he just wanted to cuddle her until she felt better again. He wanted to trust you; wanted to feel okay with leaving her with you without it putting him in a bad mood. Maybe he’d get there, eventually.

Or maybe he wouldn’t. That’s what he thought, anyway, when he reached the bus and he could hear Ada crying from outside. The guys noticed how he tensed up and his entire demeanour changed, as he rushed into the bus.

“Has she been crying the whole time?!” He asked you without any other greeting, holding his arms out and immediately taking Ada into them. “I told you to call me. You promised me that you would call if she didn’t stop crying.”

“They wouldn’t let me, Ashton. She’s just not feeling well, that’s not my fault.” You replied, the exhaustion from the last few difficult hours making you a little more defensive than you usually would be. It was understandable that he was worried. It was just getting a little tiring that he seemed to be so frustrated with you all of the time, when you were just trying to do your job.

“This is why I didn’t want to leave her with you. This is why I said I wasn’t going to leave her. She needs me.” He angrily rambled, trying not to let his stress cause Ada any further upset but struggling to hold it in due to his annoyance at the situation. “No one listened to me. I should’ve stayed here with her and she would have been fine.”

“That’s not fair, Ashto-“

“Just please, give us some space and let me look after my baby.” He was tired, and didn’t want to say anything else that he would regret, which he knew he would if the conversation continued.

“Hey, cmon. Let’s go for a walk.” Calum grabbed your arm softly, spotting the tears welling up in your eyes and wanting to diffuse the situation. He gestured for Luke to stay with Ashton, knowing that he too needed calming down even though he wanted to be alone with Ada. Michael took the hint and decided to join you and Calum, following the two of you off of the bus.

The three of you walked in silence as you tried your best to hold back tears, feeling like you’d somehow failed both Ashton and Ada. Evidence of the late night cold temperature appeared as you exhaled, clouds of air visible as you took deep breaths to try and calm down.

“I know it’s hard to believe.” Michael started, breaking the silence as the three of you found a bench at the far end of the car park, overlooking the arena they had just played at. “But it’s not personal to you. He would be acting the exact same way with anyone else in your position.”

“I just don’t know what I’m doing wrong.” You replied, trying to swallow the lump in your throat and keep the tears at bay, not wanting to cry in front of them. “He seems so frustrated with me all of the time. I’m just trying my best. She’s a baby, they get ill and they cry sometimes. I thought he would understand that.”

“And he does.” Calum reassured you, patting your knee to offer his comfort as he tried to explain. “Ashton is a complex person. He’s been through a lot, especially in the last year. I don’t know how much he’s told you about Ada’s mum, but I’m guessing it’s not a lot.”

“He always seemed so sad whenever I mentioned her, and he never said anything. So I just stopped bringing her up.” You explained, knowing that it was a sensitive subject not only for Ashton but for the whole band. “I don’t even know her name. He’s such a closed book. I just want to get to know him, and I want him to know me so he’ll trust me with Ada.”

“Ada’s mum passed away when she was five months old.” Michael murmured, almost too quiet for you to hear what he said. “There were a lot of complications after she was born. Her body just kind of gave up.”

Your heart broke at his words, and you sighed deeply. It explained a lot. It explained why Ashton was so reluctant to talk about her, and why his entire mood changed whenever she was mentioned. Your heart ached for Ada. The sweet baby girl who barely had a chance to get to know her mum, and now she never would.

“It took Ashton a long time to find someone who he truly felt himself with. She was it for him, you know? They’d only just got engaged before she got pregnant with Ada. They didn’t even have the chance to get married.” Calum felt as though he might be telling you too much, that it should have come from Ashton. But you were here for a reason, and he thought you deserved an explanation for why Ashton seemed to be making it so difficult for you. “He’s always struggled with his emotions. But he’s still healing. He’s so used to being alone with Ada, he’s all she knows. I think he’s just scared to let anyone else in.”

“He wouldn’t accept much help from us either, if that makes you feel any better. We all offered to move in with him after she passed, because he was struggling so much. But he said he could handle it alone, so he did.” Michael added, adding another piece to the jigsaw you were forming mentally, trying to work Ashton out. “Thats what I mean when I say it’s not personal. He wants to do everything alone.”

“You should talk to him.” Calum suggested, turning to look at you so he knew you were listening. “There’s a reason he is the way that he is. But I think you need to hear it from him.”

***

“She just wants to help, Ash.” Luke felt like they were going in circles. He wasn’t sure Ashton had listened to a word he had said, as he walked in circles and rocked Ada against his chest, patting her back to try and clear her chest a little. She had calmed down since Calum and Michael had diffused the situation, sadly clinging to his tshirt in an attempt to soothe herself. “Her only reason for being here is to help out with Ada, and you’re not letting her do that.”

“Ada doesn’t need her.”

Luke resisted the urge to roll his eyes, resting the back of his head against the wall as he sighed. He felt like he was talking to the wall. He had known Ashton for a long time, and had never experienced him being as stubborn as this in his entire life.

“Why are you so against anyone helping you? She has done nothing wrong. She’s given you no reason not to trust her. You and I both know that it wasn’t her fault that Ada didn’t settle tonight. You’re giving her such a hard time.” Luke didn’t want this to escalate into an argument - that was the last thing they needed. But he saw no other way to get through to Ashton, and it needed to be said.

“You don’t understand, Luke.” Ashton felt so vexed, like he was so deep into his frustrations that he had to try so hard not to blow them all onto someone he saw as his younger brother. “Ada only has one parent, and that’s me. Her mum isn’t here anymore, and she never will be. I promised her that I would do everything for Ada. She’s my responsibility, so I should be the one taking care of her.”

Luke sat in silence for a moment, his heart aching at the rant spilling from Ashton. Not one to talk about his feelings, he knew this had been building up for the last seven months.

“Are you worried she’s going to replace Ada’s mum?” Luke asked cautiously, watching as tears pricked Ashton’s eyes, who was looking down at his baby girl, attempting to find a distraction. “Because that’s not what this is, Ash. Not at all.”

Ashton didn’t reply.

“Let us help you both, Ashton. That’s all we want.” Luke continued, noticing how the first tear spilled from his eye and slipped down his cheek. “We love and care about you both so much. You have to let people in.”

Ashton didn’t want to admit it, but Luke was right.

Everyday was another day further away from when he last saw the love of his life; the person he could see himself spending the rest of his days with, building his family and growing old with. She was never coming back. That was something he had tried every day to accept; he thought he had. When in reality, he wasn’t sure he ever could.

“When she feeds Ada, or changes her, or rocks her to sleep, all I can think about is the fact that her mum should be doing that. And she’ll never be able to.” Ashton broke down. Luke quickly moved into action, gently taking Ada out of his arms and holding her in his own, so Ashton could take a moment for himself. Ada quickly settled against him, suddenly making the whole situation much more emotional to him too. The fact that she’d never get to know her mum was enough to break anyone’s heart. And she had no idea. “I’m the next closest thing to her mum. I’m all she knows. I can’t bear the thought of leaving her too.”

“You aren’t leaving her. You’re right here with her, Ash, she knows that. She knows you won’t leave her.” Ada was watching her dad with sleepy eyes, identical to those of her mum, sucking idly on her pacifier as Luke held her close. “You don’t have to do this alone. You need to stop putting so much pressure on yourself, if not for your own sake, for hers.”

***

You, Calum and Michael wandered around the car park for a while longer, trying to lighten the atmosphere and the mood by talking about things other than Ashton’s situation. Your heart ached for him. He was clearly in a lot of pain, but was taking it out on others, and you wanted to get to the bottom of it.

“Hey, you’re back.” Luke spoke as the three of you headed back onto the bus, finding Ashton sprawled across the sofa, Ada tucked underneath his tshirt, against his chest. She had finally fallen asleep, one tiny hand clutching the necklace hanging against Ashton’s chest, like she was trying to keep him there.

“Can we talk?” You asked, Ashton’s gaze breaking from watching Ada sleep to you stood directly in from of him. He didn’t have the energy for this conversation, if he was being honest. But it needed to be said, and you deserved an explanation.

“I think that’s a good idea.” He replied, gesturing for his three band mates to give them some space. They quickly took the hint and moved to the back room, arguing over which video game to play first.

You had no idea what the conversation between Ashton and Luke had consisted of. You couldn’t help but notice his slightly red and puffy eyes, suggesting he had been crying, and you knew this was about to be a difficult conversation.

“I’m really sorry about earlier.” Ashton started, his deep eyes looking straight into yours, offering a genuineness that you had never felt from him before. “I shouldn’t have blamed you for Ada being unsettled. It wasn’t your fault.”

“Thank you.” You replied, giving him a weak smile as an additional thanks. You genuinely appreciated his words - you didn’t want him to think you were incapable of caring for Ada when she was ill. “But I’m sorry too. I promised you, I should’ve been more insistent for them to tell you what was going on.”

“It doesn’t matter now anyway.” He waves his hand at you as a gesture of forgetting about what had happened previously. “I feel like I owe you more than one apology. I know you’re trying, and I’ve probably made it a lot more difficult than it should have been.”

“I just want you to trust me, Ashton. I care about Ada, and you need to understand that I’m here to do just that; care for her. But that doesn’t mean she needs you any less. You’re her dad, she knows that.” You reassured him, knowing there was no point holding anything back. If you’re were going to have this conversation, everything need to come out.

“You’re the first woman I’ve seen care for Ada like her mum used to.” Ashton stated, rubbing Ada’s back as she stirred a little in her sleep. “Except for my mum, I’ve only seen her fall asleep with me or one of the guys. Seeing you take care of her like that, it just... it makes me wish her mum was here.”

It suddenly started to make much more sense.

You were the first person to act as a mother figure to Ada, since her own mum passed, and that had to be hard for Ashton to see.

“I’m not trying to be her mum.” You sighed, moving from sitting oppsite to sitting next to the two of them on the sofa, so the conversation seemed less confrontational. “I’m really not, Ashton. I never thought of it that way, but Calum explained a few things to me. I’m starting to understand how you saw it like that.”

“She’s not going to remember anything about her mum.” He continued, his voice soft as though he was just rambling thoughts that had plagued his mind over and over again. “It breaks my heart. I guess I just got scared that you being here would replace the little memories she does have of her.”

“I’m sorry.” It felt like the only thing you could say.

He shook his head, almost offering you a small smile as he seemed to relax all of a sudden. “It’s not your fault. I’m punishing you for it and that’s not fair.”

It felt like a weight had been lifted. Like he’d finally come to terms with the fact that he was surrounded by people who cared about him and Ada, and all they wanted was to help him.

“You can talk to me, if you want. I’m here for Ada but that means I’m here for you too.” You offered, reassuringly placing your hand on his shoulder as you spoke.

“I appreciate that.”

The frustration that had previously lingered like a dark cloud in the air seemed to have cleared, as you and Ashton sat in a comfortable silence, watching Ada sleep comfortably on his chest.

“Do you want me to put her down?” You asked, with a hint of amusement in your voice, almost like it was a test to see if you had actually gotten through to him.

He returned your smile, chuckling to himself as he softly kissed Ada’s forehead and sat up from the sofa. “If you wouldn’t mind.”

It wasn’t a lot, but it was progress. As you settled Ada into bed for the night before heading to your own bunk, you thought maybe, things wouldn’t be so difficult after all. 

***

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[unseededtoast]

Rectify | Bucky Barnes

Part 10/37 | Part Nine, Part Eleven

Summary: I've lived every day for the past five years looking over my shoulder. I knew they'd come for me, it was inevitable. I was foolish to think I could outrun my past. It's followed me everywhere I go, lurking in the shadows, waiting for the perfect moment to strike. Never would I have anticipated that the shadows would lead me to the light.

Bucky Barnes x OC

Series Warnings: Discussion of human trafficking, alcohol consumption, graphic depictions of violence, sexual content, discussion of suicidal thoughts.

a/n: Hi everyone, thank you for checking this out, I appreciate any and all support! This series is also posted on Ao3 and Wattpad if you prefer those formats/platforms! This is a completed series, and it's going to take some time for me to transfer it to Tumblr, so please bear with me!

"When I had to create the programming for your mind I knew that I had created something in which there was a possibility you could pose a threat to the wrong people. In order to prevent the wrong people from being targeted and retain complete control if necessary, I implemented a failsafe."

I silently watch from the old green and white checkered couch as Bucky begins looking around the room. I decided that after a few hours of humming and massaging his head that giving him some space would be the best option since I don't want to overwhelm him with stimulus. He's finally starting to come out of the fog and I'm not sure how it's going to affect him. I'm hoping for the best but unfortunately expecting the worst. 

He looks dazed and confused as he takes in his new surroundings. His head turns in my direction and he stares at me for a few moments and looks as if he's trying to put some pieces together. 

"Adalyn?" He asks and I nod my head, feeling my stomach drop. I fear that what Pierce did caused some regression and damage to Bucky's progress. I stand from my spot on the couch and crouch in front of Bucky.

"I'm here to help you, Bucky. Can you tell me what you remember?" I ask in a soft voice, looking up at him.

"I was in your room and then this alarm started going off. Three men walked in and then one of them started saying the words. I don't know how I got here." He makes eye contact with me and I nod. Maybe since the process wasn't complete his memory wasn't damaged.

"When he started saying the words what happened?" Curiosity takes over me. I want to know how his mind was effected by only half of the process being done.

"It was just like every time they've been said. I felt myself start to lose control." He briefly explains with sadness in his eyes. I stand from my crouching position and sigh,

"Do you still remember everything?" He shifts in the chair and nods his head. I decide to not question him any further, knowing we've both been through a lot today.

"Steve took us both to this safe house, we're supposed to stay here until he comes back for us. I think the best thing we can do is just take it easy, I don't want you to get overwhelmed or stressed out." I explain to him and he nods shortly. He gets out of the chair and walks over to the monitors. I watch as he looks between the screens. There's nothing there but trees.

I feel a wave of exhaustion come over me as the events of the day catch up. I sit back on the couch and try to make myself comfortable which I quickly realize isn't going to be possible. I shift around until I find a tolerable position.

"The bedroom is the first door on the left, the bathroom is the one on the right." I tell Bucky as he turns to me.

"Well, you can take the bedroom, and I'll take the couch." He tries to be chivalrous. I shake my head,

"No it's okay Bucky, I'd rather you take the bedroom." I say, knowing that his comfort and ability to relax after today is far more important than my comfort. 

He decides to drop the argument and look around the bunker some more. I close my eyes, the bright fluorescent lights are too harsh for me to be able to fall asleep, so I listen as Bucky opens the doors to the adjoining rooms. I hear his boots come around to the couch and he moves my legs as he sits down. He holds my legs in his lap, the coolness from the metal sending a shiver up my body.

I open my eyes, squinting at the brightness. Bucky looks like he's debating on saying something, slightly opening and closing his mouth a few times.

"What's up?" I ask hoping to prompt him to say whatever was on his mind.

"What exactly happened in your room? I can't remember anything after he said the second word." His voice softens at the end and I can tell he's trying his hardest to recall the events. I move around so that I can see him fully.

"Well, when the alarms started I went back to my room. There were three men there, one of them an old Hydra associate who contracted the Winter Soldier back in 2005. The two others put you in electric handcuffs while Pierce read the words. I hit the two men restraining you with a lamp and ended up putting Pierce in a chokehold until he fell unconscious. Steve and I helped you get to the plane, which we took here." I summarize the events for him. He sits silently for a few moments, his fingers tapping on my shins.

"All I could remember when he started saying the words were the faces of people I killed." He looks to me with pain and sadness in his eyes. I sit up and move closer to him, putting a hand on his shoulder in hopes to comfort him.

"You didn't kill those people, the Winter Soldier did. The Winter Soldier is dead." It pains me to know that while he was in his trance he had to endure the memories of what he was forced to do.

"The Winter Soldier isn't dead, if Pierce would have said the last few words we both know what would've happened. I could have hurt you." He says, voice getting louder as he processes what almost happened.

"Bucky, you wouldn't have hurt me. I promise you that."

"You can't promise that." His voice is quiet once more and I debate telling him about the failsafe I created. I bite the skin on my lip as I weigh the pros and cons, and decide that being truthful is the best option.

"When I had to create the programming for your mind I knew that I had created something in which there was a possibility you could pose a threat to the wrong people. In order to prevent the wrong people from being targeted and retain complete control if necessary, I implemented a failsafe." Bucky looks at me, jaw set tightly.

"There is one word that has the ability to completely shut down the Soldier. Think of it as a factory reset. I'm the only one on this planet that knows the word, there is no record of it anywhere. Not even in the book. This is how I can promise you that you won't hurt me. But it'll never have to be used because I will die before I let anyone complete the process." I point to the book I had put on top of the bookshelf earlier and he stares at it for a few moments, I watch his unreadable expression.

"I'm not worth dying over, Adalyn." He makes no comment about the book. We make eye contact with one another, the atmosphere of the room becoming tense and emotionally charged.

"You told me I wasn't to blame for the things Hydra made me do so you're not to blame for the things they made you do. You are worth dying for in my eyes, it's the very least I owe you." I retain eye contact with him.

"You don't owe me a single thing. You're the reason I'm even able to remember." He says and I shake my head,

"Bucky, that's been all you. You've been the one to remember everything." I really haven't done anything except try to help him through some of the tough emotions and make sure he's stable.

"No, you were tasked to make me a blank slate but you decided to keep me. You designed the stuff in my head so that I wouldn't be completely lost. Adalyn this is possible because of you." He says and I feel tears well in my eyes. His words are sweet, and I am undeserving of his compassion.

I remember the moment I decided to disobey my father's orders and keep Bucky, though I buried him deep down within his own brain. I look down at my lap and stay silent, not knowing what else I can say. Bucky reaches his hand over and uses his index finger to tilt my chin up so that I'm looking at him again.

"I will never be able to tell you how grateful I am for you. You were the only one that ever treated me like a human, not a weapon." He says, taking his finger away.

Tears slowly drip onto my face, one by one. In a moment of mixed emotions, I put my arms around each side of Bucky's neck and pull him in for a hug. I let the tears fall onto his shirt and hold him tightly. I feel his arms wrap around my waist and return the hug. 

The bruise on my stomach aches, but I ignore the dull pain. We stay like this for moments on end, both of us needing the comfort. Slowly, I pull away from the hug and place my hand on the base of his jaw, letting my thumb slowly and softly brush the warm skin of his cheek.

"You used to brush my hair and hum songs before I went back to cryo. Before you shut the door you always kissed my cheek." He says, and I remember the routine we had back when I was his handler. It's been so long since we were in that routine, it's bittersweet to think of it now.

"I always hoped it gave you some comfort." I whisper, taking my hand back from his face. He nods his head and breaks eye contact from me. 

I pick the skin around my nails as we sit on the couch, appreciating each other's company. My eyes begin feeling like they're being weighed down by anchors, and I yawn quietly. I adjust myself so that I can lean my head on the side of the couch, and feel myself slowly drift asleep.

I wake up and find myself surrounded by a fluffy comforter. I don't think I fell asleep here. I get out of the bed and make my way out of the room and to the main area of the bunker. The room is dark and I see Bucky standing by the monitors, watching them with his arms crossed. I make my way over to him and stand by his side. He looks down at me with a small smile on his face.

"Care to explain why I woke up in the bedroom and not the couch?" I ask quietly, still trying to wake up fully. 

"I told you I would take the couch. Plus you didn't look very comfortable." He answers turning his attention back to the screens. I decide not to argue with him anymore, it wasn't going to go anywhere and it's too early. He will be taking the bedroom tonight and I won't take no for an answer. I walk over to the few cabinets lining the wall opposite of the monitors and look to see what the options are. I'm hoping I find a coffee pot in here somewhere. 

Inside the cabinets are scattered boxes of crackers, jars of peanut butter, pasta, marinara sauce, canned tuna, and rice. This is more than I expected, but I know it won't last us more than a week or so. I check the refrigerator and see that there's a container. 

I grab the container and open the lid. The smell of putrid, rotten food hits my nose and I nearly gag. Bucky turns to see what's happening as I put the lid back on the container. He laughs when he realizes what happened and I roll my eyes at him. However, I am glad to hear his laughter fill the air but I wish it was under different circumstances. 

I grab the container again and hold it out in front of me. With a smirk, I run towards Bucky who immediately starts heading the other way to put space between us. We stand on either end of the couch, 

"Don't do it." He says like a father scolding his child. I nod my head and peel back the lid just a touch. 

"I'm gonna do it." I say and start towards him again. We run around the couch like we're children until I jump over the back and stop him in his tracks, which hurts my stomach a little bit but the pain is totally worth it. To his dismay, I put the container under his nose causing him to gag. It's my turn to laugh at him this time. He grabs the container out of my hand and secures the lid back on it before he slides it across the floor by the stairs. 

"You're gonna pay for that one." He says and flings me over his shoulder with ease. He playfully drops me on the couch and starts tickling me, to which I squirm around trying to escape. I feel tears of laughter form in my eyes as I continue trying to get away from him.

"Buck stop." I say through my laughter but he ignores my pleas. I feel the bruise on my stomach start to hurt again.

"Nope, you don't just get to do that and expect to get away with it. Your actions have consequences." He says, fingers going up the sides of my torso. 

I kick my legs and end up hitting one of his, knocking him off balance. He falls onto me slightly, but catches himself. I jump back a little as I see how close our faces are to one another. I see his bright blue eyes inches from mine, the dark stubble on his jaw dangerously close to brushing my face. We hold the eye contact for a few moments before he gets up and clears his throat. 

"So I take it there's not a lot to work with in here?" He asks and walks to re-check the cabinets I just went through. I feel my cheeks grow hot and am grateful that the overhead light hasn't been turned on yet. 

[cameronspecial]

The Marriage Games (Ch.1)

Pairing: Prince! Tom Holland x Reader

Summary: (Y/N) (Y/L/N) grew up in the palace with her brother and the royals; her and her brother are practically apart of the royal family. The Queen decides to help her eldest son find his own queen by inviting ten female suitors to live in the palace. What happens when through this process he finds love with a woman that is not one of the contestants?  

Word Count: 2 894

Disclaimer: This series is inspired by The Selection by Kiera Cass and Yellow Roses by @h-osterfield.

A/N: I have updated my masterlist, so all the blurbs are on it. Go check them out for more Tom and Y/N situation. 

It had been two weeks since the queen had made the big announcement and the palace is now running around with maids that are getting ready for the ten new arrivals that were supposed to be here at any moment. A week ago the names of the suitors had been picked out and they have been told the details they needed for when they came to the palace. Y/N is sitting reading her book on her balcony that is facing the city. Tom slides the door open and makes his way over to the girl sitting on the patio couch. “Everything is a little overwhelming with all the maids rushing around to get stuff clean before the females come. It’s going to be so weird to have all these people in our house,” he announces as he sits beside the girl and takes the book out of her hands. She glares at him and yanks her book back into her hands, “Yeah, I just hope they are not all going to be super hormonal. It is definitely going to take some time to get used to because of the fact that I’ve been surround by guys my whole life.” She puts the book down and rests her head on Tom’s shoulder. “Yeah, this is definitely going to take some time to get used to,” he tells her as he wraps his arm around her shoulder. Tom loved these moments between him and Y/N. He felt like he and she were the only people in the world. Before they could start talking about something else, Timothy knocks on the door to inform them that their guest had arrived.

Tom and Y/N made their way down to the main hall to greet the guest. They stood at the end of the stair waiting for each of the suitors to be introduced. The royal announcer stands near the front door and introduces each of the females, “Princess Adalyn of the House of Bellerose from France.” Enters a tall, snotty looking girl with long beautiful hair that went down past her bum and bright blue eyes. Her beautifully pale skin was obviously caked on with makeup. She wore a frilled white blouse with a pretty pink cardigan and a beige pencil skirt that went to her mid thighs. Her black heels five-inch heels were perfectly shined and only added to her height. “Hello, your highness. I am very grateful for this opportunity although I wouldn’t need this opportunity if you had just answered my calls,” she says with a soothing French accent. Tom just nods his head, “I am sorry for not answering your calls. I have been very busy lately, but I am very happy that you were chosen to come and stay with us. Now, I will have the time to get to know you better.” Adalyn had been trying to get Tom to go on a date with him, but he has always avoided going with her solely based on how she acts whenever she was at one of the events that they were at. The princess is lead away to her room so that the following suitor can come in.  

“Miss Camellia Durant from England.” Camellia walks into the room with a shy smile on her face. Her dark brown hair went down a little bit past her shoulders and she had the most beautiful caramel eyes that Y/N had ever seen.  Her hair was pinned back with a bobby pin that had a daisy jewel on it. She wore a black dress with daisies and her cream flats tied the outfit together. She holds her hand out timidly and Tom gently, but firmly, take it into his hand. “Thank you very much for this opportunity,” she says in an almost whisper. Tom gives her a gentle smile, “It was not really my choice, but you are welcome. I really look forward to getting to know you.” Camelia looks over to Y/N and gives her the same shy smile that she had on when she walked in. Just like Adalyn, Nancy leads Miss. Durant to her room so that she can get settled in. “Princess Darcy of the House of Eads from Ireland.” Darcy did not look the typical princess. She has short curly orange hair and stunning green eyes. Her beige skin was spotted with freckles and her nose was pierced with a bull ring piercing. She had an air of mystery that intrigued both Y/N and Tom. She wore a leather jacket with a dark red camisole and a shark tooth hung from her neck. Her dark blue jeans were tuck into her dark black leather biker boots. Her fingers were adorned with rings, which were cold against Tom’s hand, “Nice to meet you, Holland. Can’t wait to get to know you more.” Before Tom could answer, she walks off toward Nancy who takes Darcy to her room. “She seems pretty badass,” Tom says to Y/N who agrees with him.

“Ms. Farryn Graham from England.” Farryn’s dark skin looks beautifully soft and her beautiful dark brown hair was tied back in a perfect ponytail. She wore a red plaid shirt and jean overalls with tanned Timberlands. She shakes both Tom’s and Y/N’s hand with a warm smile on her face. “I can’t wait to experience this new adventure with you.” Tom gives her a smile and tells her, “Well I am glad that you can be a part of this adventure with me as well.” The next person to be announced was, “Princess Lalia of the House of Maris from Greece.” In walks a perky girl with long light brown hair that went to her waist. Her emerald eyes sparkled so brightly just like her smile. “Hiya, I am Lalia! I am really excited to be here. Do you have Netflix right? I really can’t go anywhere without being able to watch Riverdale. This is so exciting, I really can’t wait to get to know you. Hi, you must be Y/N! I love your outfit, you look so pretty! Well, that lady over there seems to want me to go with her, so I am going to go! Byeeee,” she babbles in a strong Greek accent then she runs off after Nancy. She was wearing a black lace dress that looked like Veronica’s dress from Riverdale. She wore Jughead’s beanie and dark red heels. “She was very talkative,” Y/N comments as they wait.

Before she was announced into the room, the following suitor walks into the room and in a confident manner. She had beautiful dark brown hair and eyes; she reminded Y/N of Yasmin from Doctor Who. Ironically she wore a Doctor Who tee-shirt with a galaxy cardigan and black skinny jeans. Her black vans had a TARDIS on the side and you can tell that she is a fan. “Listen, I was not really too keen on doing this, but I thought that this was a good way to meet people. I want to say that I am looking for a relationship, but the reality is that I would rather just be friends. Maybe, later on, we can see where this goes,” she says before she walks out of the room without anyone saying anything else. That was definitely an unusual way to introduce yourself to a prince. “That was Miss Nella Khan from England, the following suitor is Princess Jensine of the House of Kaas from Denmark. Your Highness,” Timothy declares. In walks a tall female wearing a beige romper and black flats. In her hands was a white ceramic container and that peaked Y/N’s interest. She had dark blonde hair that is in a pixie cut and stunning greyish green eyes. “Hello, I am Jensine and it is very nice to meet you. I am very excited to learn more about you and your amazing country. I have prepared for you æbleskiver. It’s basically Danish pancakes with a filling inside. They are very good!” she exclaims happily. She gives Y/N hug and then hands her the container full of the Danish pancakes. Jensine then goes over to Tom and gives him a hug as well. Nancy calls her over and she happily follows her.

“Three more to go,” Y/N sighs as they wait for the next person to come in. “Miss Primrose Quincey from England.” She wore a black shirt that said Winner with red flannel and light blue jeans with purple vans. “Hi, this is palace is really big and I really need the bathroom,” she informs the pair. Primrose wasn’t scared to say what is on her mind because any normal person wouldn’t have just said that in front of a prince. Y/N had also noticed that she had an American accent. Tom let’s out a chuckle and points her in the direction of the bathroom. Y/N watches the dark brown hair and light brown eyed female runs off in the direction of the bathroom. “I like her, she’s not afraid to say anything in front of me,” Tom comments. “Yeah, that’s true. I have never seen anyone rather be in a bathroom than with you,” she teases. Tom just shakes his head as the following person to walk in.

“Princess Rosetta of the House of Sabato from Italy.” She has pretty curly auburn hair and light blue eyes. Freckles spot her face which adds to her beauty. She wore a pastel pink dress that went past her knees with a thin light brown belt around her waist. She wore a white lace cardigan with brown ankle-high boots. “Hey, you have a really lovely place, your highness. Your family are very lovely people. They have been very kind to me and I couldn’t be more grateful,” she remarks sweetly with a huge smile on her face. “Well, thank you! You are very kind as well. I am very glad that you could join us,” Tom voices to her with a smile on his face. She looks at Y/N and gives her a smile, “You are very kind and pretty. I have seen you at some events and have always wanted to talk to you, but you are always helping people and talking to everyone.” Y/N’s face heats up at how nice she is being and tells her thank you. Another conversation couldn’t be held because of the fact that Nancy had asked to take Rosetta to her room.  Timothy enters the room with the last contestant and announces, “Finally, Miss Mabel Newman from England.” Mabel walks in with confidence and pride. She wore a colourfully knitted hoodie with black leggings and biker boots. Her long wavy ombre brown that frames her face perfectly. Her hazel eyes stood out in the crowd of the rest of the suitors and she looks very nice and sweet. However, Y/N doubted that Mabel was only what she seemed because of the vibe she got from her. Tom didn’t seem like he got the same vibe based on the conversation that Y/N is eavesdropping on. Tom seemed to have been sold on the whole nice girl act.  

Tom and Y/N collapse onto Y/N’s bed after their long morning with meeting the suitors. “So what did you think about the girls?” Tom asks his best friend for advice. Y/N takes a moment to think, “They seem cool. Although Adalyn and Mabel give me this vibe that I can’t really explain, it could just be me. You shouldn’t base your opinions on your maybe future wife based on what I say.” Tom understood what she was saying and he respected her opinion. “Well, since you won’t be the only female in the palace for a while now. I think we should go out together only the two of us. Just in case I don’t have time while the females are over. What do you think?” Tom questions her. Y/N smiles at him and gets up from the bed, “I think we should go down to the beach. How about you?” Tom jumps up from his bed and runs out to his room. Y/N took that as a sign that they were going, so she prepared her stuff to go. She got out her one piece with the sleeves that go off her shoulders. The pastel blue bathing suit was decorated with pink coronations. She grabs sunscreen, a floppy sun hat and sunglasses. She packs them in her beach bag, then goes to grab her book,  portable speaker, and towel. She packs a pair of underwear and puts on her clothes before running off to Tom’s room. “Hey, you almost done?” she calls to him while she pounds on his door. “Yeah,” he replies to her as he opens the door with a bag on his back.

They walk down toward the water on the calm and isolated beach. This was the Holland’s family private beach, so it was only the two of them alone with a few security guards walking patrolling the beach. Y/N places her towel in front of the beach tent and kicks off her sandals. “You know the pool chairs a probably more comfortable than the sand, right?” Tom informs the young female. She looks at him and pats the spot beside her, “Yeah, but if I am in the tent then I am not going to be in the sunlight. Now, come here please so that you can help me with my sunscreen and then I can do yours. You definitely don’t want to get a sunburn again, Tommy.” He obeys her order and sets his towel next to hers. He grabs the sunscreen bottle and starts putting some on him; Y/N grabs the bottle to start doing the same thing and when they get to their backs, they helped each other out. Once they got the sunscreen settled, Tom calls over Timothy and asks him to bring a beer and virgin sex on the beach. Y/N smiles at the fact that Tom knows her choice of drink and knows that she doesn’t do alcohol, but he should know that because they have been best friends forever. Y/N takes out her book and starts reading her heart out, however she didn’t get to enjoy it very much because someone had ripped the book out of her hand and put it back in her bag. “Love, we came here to hang out together and that’s what we are going to do. Let’s go take a dip,” Tom suggests to her, but she immediately starts shaking her head. “Tommy, it’s too cold.” She starts backing away from him, knowing that he is going to try to pick her up and throw her in the water. “Well, I know you will always be up to making a sandcastle. So let’s go!” he bargains with her.

She decided that she should do this with him, so she grabs some sand building stuff from the tent and goes toward the spot that Tom had chosen for the castle. She sits beside him and they start making a pile of sand for their castle. Timothy is coming back with their drinks in his head and the two of them had just about finished building their castle. They clean off the sand on their bodies in the ocean and go to the lounge in the tent. They sat on the pool chairs, sipping their drinks, and talking about life. “Are you really going to be okay with all the girls at home?” Tom questions his friend. “Yeah, Tom, I am not going to hold you back from doing what you want. It’s going to be something new, but if it means that you may find your happiness then I can survive,”  she promises him, knowing full well that he wouldn’t do this if she didn’t want him to. Tom nods his head in understanding and sits up from the chair, “Okay, I believe you. Now, let’s talk about your birthday. What do you want to do for it?” It took Y/N a while to remember that her birthday was in about two weeks and to think about what she wanted to do for it. “Hmm, I think I just want a movie night with the family and Harrison.” Tom nods his head and starts to plan her party in his head. “I guess the water is warm enough now,” Y/N thinks out loud and a big smile comes up on Tom’s face. Tom picks her up and runs her to the water. They swim around in the water and splash each other like children. There were several times that Tom and Y/N had dunk one another underwater, and by the end of the day, they were both so tired. They made their way back up to the palace and take a shower. Y/N got changed into pyjamas and was lying in bed when all of a sudden there was a knock on the door. She tells the person to come in and in walks Tom wearing only his boxers. He lies down beside her on the bed and they continue to talk about life. Tom was planning on going back to his room, but he was so tired that he fell asleep on the bed with Y/N. He subconsciously pulls her into his chest by her waist, even in his sleep he wanted to protect her.

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[littlebitofeverythingphff]

Chapter 51 Part One

A/N: Hellooooo! I know it’s been a few months since I last updated this story so I apologize for that! I hope this chapter makes up for this!

“Babe?” A set of gentle lips pressed down onto Addy’s forehead pulling her out of a deep slumber. Releasing a gentle moan, Addy’s eyes blinked open to find Harry staring down at her with an adorable smile spreading his lips, trying to contain his excitement.

“We are landing soon.” His hand rubbed against Addy’s leg as she tiredly rested her head on the prince’s shoulder. Addy’s green eyes scanned around the plane seeing all of their friends up and chatting excitedly as they were about to reach their destination.

Harry and Addy along with their friends, Mel and Tom, Skippy and Lara and Guy and Adrianna decided to take a vacation over their Christmas holiday to Croatia for the new year celebrations. It was a welcomed trip away from London where they all could enjoy some time together in the hot Croatian sun.

A quiet Addy peaked up at her boyfriend with a smile. “What?”

“Thank you for taking me on this trip, Henry.” Addy leaned in and placed her lips softly against the prince’s that lingered.

“You two get a room already!” Tom yelled from across the aisle making Harry and Addy break apart to turn and stare at him.

“Oh shut up, Tom. You and Mel were going at it like monkeys earlier.” Addy stifled her laughter seeing Tom’s surprised reaction. “Yeah, weren’t as subtle as you thought.” Harry muttered with a light giggle.

Adalyn peered out the window of the vehicle while holding tightly onto Harry’s hand. She had not let go of it since the moment the plane had landed. Harry had not disclosed the full details of their vacation to Adalyn, only the fact that they were going to Croatia for a few days and advised her on a few things to pack. Little did she know, she was in for a big surprise, as were all of his friends and their significant others.

Their range rover pulled up to a harbor coming to a rolling stop. A confused Addy turned to lock eyes with Harry questioningly. “Where are we going?”

A simple shake of the head gave Addy her reply. Harry was still not going to tell her. The prince hopped out of the vehicle and grabbed both of their bags. “I can carry mine.” Addy grabbed the handle, but was quickly scolded by the prince.

“No way!” Harry gently pushed Addy’s hand away. “I am not letting my girl carry her bag when I am perfectly capable of doing so.” Addy smiled adoring up at Harry while she rubbed up and down his back that signalled her appreciation.  

“Thank you.” She pecked him on the cheek as she watched his smile spread wider.

Melanie came up behind Addy and grabbed her arm. “Come on! Let’s go!” She pulled Addy away from the prince. “I cannot believe we allowed these guys to plan a trip…” Mel leaned in and whispered to Addy. “I swear to god I will kill them all if we are going on a stupid fishing trip with them.”

Addy glanced back over her shoulder to make sure that Harry was right behind her. “I don’t think they are that stupid… or are they?”

Mel’s eyes darted towards Addy’s, locking in their gaze. “Ok��� maybe it’s possible.” They both dissolved into a fit of giggles as they walked along the wooden path and turned the corner. Melanie nearly squealed deafening Addy’s ear when she saw a yacht waiting for them as they rounded the corner.

“Is that for us!?” She ran back to Tom practically dancing around him. While Addy had stopped dead in her tracks making Harry catch up to her. Taking in the view of the magnificent yacht, she felt extremely uncomfortable knowing how much this would have costed for Harry.

“Is it not big enough?” Harry could sense the uneasiness evaporating from within his girlfriend as he tried to make light of the situation.

“It’s too much, Harry.” Addy crossed her arms defensively without an ounce of laughter.

“It’s not really that much.” He tried to convince Adalyn that it was no nig deal at all. Harry had already anticipated this reaction from Addy.

“I can’t let you pay for all of this.” Addy shook her head slowly as she absentmindedly played with the necklace that Harry had given her. The rest of the group had walked off ahead of them nearly running onto the yacht. Dropping the bags down, Harry released a deep sigh.

“I’m not like them Harry…” Addy confessed. “Like your ex’s.” She turned to stare deeply into his blue eyes. “I can’t pay for these lavish holidays or expensive clothes and jewelry or –”

“Stop it!” Harry reached out and placed his hands on either side of Adalyn. “I am not asking you to be like that, nor have I ever.” His deep blue eyes were sincere.

“But, I can’t let you pay for all of it either.” Her voice cracked as she turned her head away feeling ashamed. “And I can’t keep affording it, and when I can’t, you pay and that is not fair to you, Henry…” She stared off into his blue eyes.

The prince released a deep sigh. He understood where Addy was coming from, but that was why he offered to foot the bill. “I did not take you here to make you more stressed out. You have been off work for nearly three months now and I know things are getting tougher for you.” Harry stepped closer to Adalyn. “I wanted this to be about us and our friends. We need this…. we need this getaway.” He sighed. “All I want in return is to see a smile on that pretty little face. To me that is worth more than anything on this trip. To see that gorgeous smile of yours that I rarely get to see now.”

Addy angled her head staring up at him sweetly. The wrinkles that had formed across her forehead had softened. “Ok… fine.” Addy closed in the distance between them and wrapped her hands around Harry’s neck. “But one day, I am going to take you somewhere, deal?”

“Deal.” Harry bent his head down and pressed his lips against Addy’s forehead.

“Now let’s get going before they think they can steal our room.” Harry was quick to grab their bags and lead Addy aboard the yacht.

“How’s the view?” Addy had escaped outside to the balcony that led from their suite to take in the fresh ocean breeze as they sailed along the water. Her eyes were glued ahead as she watched the city they embarked from slowly fading in the distant horizon as a sea of blue created more distance between.

Addy glanced back over her shoulder and smiled. “It’s beautiful.” She beamed as her head swiveled back out towards the ocean. Hearing a pair of footsteps behind her, Addy felt Harry wrap his arms around her tightly.

“Mmm, you are right. It is beautiful.” Harry released a deep chuckle. Addy’s hand slid down Harry’s arms resting her hands on top of his giving them a squeeze as silence flooded between them.

“What are you thinking right now?” Harry’s soft voice broke through her thoughts.

“You.” Addy confessed.

“Me?” Harry questioned.

“Just thinking of that night we met…” A smile crept up on Addy’s lips.

“I remember.” Harry spoke. “You were wearing a burgundy dress and your hair was down.” Addy listened in silence as the memory that had been playing in her mind was coming to light with every passing word of Harry’s. “I ran into you and nearly sent you to the floor.”

“But you caught me.” Addy interjected and turned her body around to face him still within the confines of his arms. A pair of blue eyes were staring back into her green orbs intensely. “Harry?”

“Yes, love?” Harry could see a fire burning in her eyes.

“Do you regret any of it?” Addy’s green eyes averted away from his stare.

“Regret you?” Harry asked with confusion until a slight nod of his girlfriend’s head nearly punched him in the gut. “Not for a second.” He watched as Addy remained silent. “Do you? Where is this all coming from?” Harry gently grabbed her chin and turned Addy’s head to make her look at him.

“It’s been what…  eight months since we have been together and so much has already happened.” Her voice was quiet. “Some days I wonder what life would be like if I hadn’t met you.” Addy winced at the mere thought of it. “But, looking back now after everything… I wouldn’t want a day to go by without being with you. I would go through it all again if it meant I got to have you in my life.”

“Is this about me going back to Suffolk?” Harry cupped Addy’s cheeks tenderly.

“You going back… me going back to work… being on my own.” Addy shook her head with tightly closed eyes.

“I thought that was what you wanted, Adalyn?” A confused Harry massaged his thumb into the warm flesh of her cheek.

A set of green eyes opened staring right into the depths of him. “What I want is to be normal again.” Addy breathed in deeply. “I don’t want people tiptoeing around me. I don’t want you or my family always worried about every little thing I do like I am going to vanish or something.”

Harry held his tongue. But, I almost did lose you Addy. You almost vanished from my life. He thought to himself.

“I want to have fun again, Harry.” Addy rested her forehead against Harry’s. “Like that day we spent on the farm together….”

“Mmmm that was fun.” Harry smirked crookedly.

“I am just tired of bad things happening to us and want to focus on the good things. Like this trip and us!” Addy slowly tossed her head back while holding onto Harry’s hips.

“Well it is almost a new year. We can start fresh. Leave all the bad shit that has happened in the past.” He smiled down lovingly at Adalyn. “Except for meeting you. That was the best day of my life.”

“Ooh stop it.” Addy blushed at his words.

“It’s true.” Harry whispered across her lips as he leant down to place a kiss on top of them. “Don’t ever forget that.”

“I won’t.” Addy stood up and pressed her lips one more time to Harry’s. “We should go find our friends, shouldn’t we?”

“I guess so…” Harry growled and pulled his lips reluctantly off of Addy’s.

The yacht’s captain and crew were introduced to their group and were made aware of the schedule of stops for the next few days. The excitement of the group was palpable as if they all needed this mini vacation and getaway from the pressures of their daily lives.

The guys were diving into their beers as the girls got changed into their swimsuits. Today would be spent on the yacht with a chance to use the water sport toys as they continued onto their next destination.

Melanie and Adrianna were the first to appear as they headed straight to the bar for a drink. Tom could not keep his eyes off of Mel, checking her out in her bikini.

“Damn, I am a lucky man.” He stood up and went directly over to his girlfriend leaving the guys behind.

“He’s starting to sound whipped like you Harry.” Skippy stuck out his tongue at Harry seeing the glare in his eyes.

“I am not whipped, Skippy.” Harry took a swig of his beer. “Not even remotely.”

“I am.” Guy tossed his head back in laughter at his own confession while his friends joined in with his laughter.

“We all knew that, Guy.” Harry spoke out the obvious.

Out of the corner of his eye, he caught Adalyn walking down the stairs and did a double take. His mouth nearly dropped to the floor in surprise at how sexy his girlfriend was standing there in a green bikini that accentuated all of her curves in just the right areas.

“Holy hell.” Harry whispered under his breath, but he swore Addy heard him as she locked eyes with him in that very second. She shyly looked away from him seeing how he was devouring her with his eyes.

Addy was leaning up against the bar waiting to place her drink order when she felt a hand pressed on the small of her back. Knowing by the immediate touch it was her man, she leaned into him.

“You look so sexy.” Harry whispered into Addy’s ear as he gently rubbed over the exposed skin on her back.

“Thank you, love.” Addy looked up at her boyfriend. “Why don’t you get me a drink then and I will meet you by the hot tub.” Without another word she left Harry behind in a daze knowing that his eyes watched her backside as she walked away from him.

Walking by Skippy and Guy she quickly leaned in and said. “Harry is whipped whether he thinks so or not.” Skippy was nearly keeled over roaring with laughter that gained Harry’s attention as he caught Adalyn walking away from his friends.

“I cannot wait for the water fall hike! It is going to be so amazing!” Mel gushed as she stumbled and nearly spilled her drink over everyone in the hot tub. The yacht was sailing by the picturesque coastal town of Baska, attracting everyone’s eyes as the clear blue water along the old buildings captivated them.

Addy was mesmerized by the view that was in front of her. She felt Harry come up beside her as he kissed her shoulder gently. “Why don’t you go get dressed so we can explore a little bit?” His words caused Addy to turn her attention to him.

“We get to go there?” Addy beamed with excitement.

“Yeah! Let’s hurry so we don’t waste any time!” Harry grabbed her hand and helped his girlfriend climb out of the hot tub.

Harry could barely take his eyes off of Addy in the summery dress that she had put on as they embarked off the yacht. A pastel colored floral skirt was perfectly matched with a white off the shoulder top that hinted at her breasts. Her brunette hair was loosely pulled back into a classy bun, but what caught his eyes the most was the necklace he had given her that Addy kept on nearly everywhere she went. He would often find her playing with it when she thought he wasn’t looking.

“Hey!” Harry turned to look back over his shoulder to look behind at the group. “We have dinner reservations at 730pm. Don’t be late!”

“Are we going to split up or stay together?” Mel asked the group as they continued to walk along the harbour front boardwalk.

“What do you wanna do?” Addy whispered to Harry as they locked in each other’s eyes.

“I want you to myself for a little while.” Harry lifted his arm and wrapped it around his girlfriend’s shoulders as they broke apart from the rest of the group finding their own adventure in the small Croatian town.

“Hey! Where are you two heading off to?!” Tom yelled after them.

“Nowhere!” Harry snickered before grabbing Addy’s hand and nearly running off with her, laughing away as they ditched the rest of the group.

The couple walked around the small town of Baska and entered little shops along their way. People kept pulling them into their shop and taught them what life was like in the town as they showed them what they had made to sell in their sea-side shops.

Harry spotted Addy eying a painting that she kept going back to look at. It was of a couple sitting together on the beach looking across over the ocean done in a watercolour base. Something in it was drawing Addy to it, but each time she went back to it, she did not pick it up.

“See anything you like?” Harry approached Addy as ran her hands through the soft material of a hand made scarf.

She simply shook her head. “No…” But her eyes trailed back towards the painting for a few seconds before fully answering. “Not exactly.” Addy looked up at Harry. “I heard there is a market a few streets down. Do you want to go there?”

“Yeah, wherever you want to go.” Harry nodded while pulling out his wallet. “You thirsty? It’s so hot out here. Why don’t you grab us a few drinks before we go? I think I saw a stand just outside the door. I want to ask this owner something.”

“I could use a drink!” Addy took a few bills from Harry. “Coke or water, love?”

“Water is fine. I will see you out there.” Harry internally smiled as his plan to distract Addy worked as he watched her leave the little store. He quickly approached the shop owner. “Do you paint these by yourself?”

“I do, sir.” He nodded happily.

“Could you paint one for me?” Harry took a few steps back and grabbed the painting Addy had her eyes on to show him. “Like this?” He showed him.

“Yes!” He nodded again. “I can paint for you and your wife. She has an eye for art!”

Harry smiled at the thought of the shop owner calling Addy his wife. “Maybe one day she will be.” He joked with the owner. “Can you do it tonight? We are leaving back to the yacht later tonight. I will make it worth your while.”

“Give me three hours? Pick it up here?” The owner smiled at the prince.

“That would be great! I can come back or have someone get it.” Harry was smiling from ear to ear hoping that Addy would like it.

“Water colour? Same exact picture but you two?” The owner confirmed with the prince through broken English.

Harry nodded and pulled out his phone to show him a picture of a selfie the two of them took earlier that afternoon. “Yes, like this.”

Harry looked towards the exit and knew he had to get going before Addy became suspicious. “How much?” He gave the man more that what he had asked for and headed out the door to find Addy walking back with two cold waters in her hand.

“Ready to go? I asked around and I think the market is around the corner over there.” Adalyn pointed out ahead of them while handing her boyfriend some water.

“Let’s go there?” Harry took a big drink as the cool water trailed down his throat.

“I feel like we have been doing what I want today though… what do you want to do?” A hint of concern was laced in Addy’s voice as she found Harry’s hand and started to walk towards the direction of the market.

“I am good with whatever as long as I get to do it with you.” Harry picked up her hand and kissed it softly. “I got my fun earlier with the jet ski!”

The couple had found the market and was amazed at all the unique little souvenirs and Croatian things the people from Baska had made to sell. They were simply having fun picking out little gifts for one another, the sillier the better.

Addy was nearly in tears after laughing so hard at Harry as he modelled an apparent traditional dress that men in Baska wore to ceremonies. He popped out his hip with a pouty lip making Addy dissolve into endless giggles.

“I will take it!” She dug through her purse despite protests from the prince not to, saying he would never wear it. “It’s not for you!” Addy leaned into him. “I personally think it would look great on Will!” A mischievous smile formed on her lips.

“I agree with you, love.” Harry pulled it off over his head and eyed it again while holding it up. “I think William will love it too!” The prince winked at Addy as she paid for it and put it into a small bag.

“We should get Kate something too!” Addy continued to walk along the vendors eying custom jewelry when she heard their names being called out.

Harry looked up and scanned the crowd becoming on guard as he did not recognize the voice that called their names. His eyes searched hard and landed on what he saw were paparazzi practically running towards them with their cameras in hand. How the hell did they find them here? The prince had told no one he did not trust about this vacation he had planned.

“Addy, let’s go.” Harry gripped her hand and started to lead her through the market as quickly as he could. His eyes fell back on the protection officer that had re-joined them after keeping a substantial distance between them as per Harry’s request.

Addy heard her name being called out as she looked back to see why Harry was in such a hurry to leave. A group of paps were hot on their heals as they weaved through the market stands. Her body became tense as she quickened her pace in order to keep up with Harry’s long strides.

“How did they find us?” Addy looked towards Harry who was wearing an angry expression with his brow furrowed and jaw clenched tightly.

“I don’t know. They are ruthless like I have always told you, Addy.” He spoke through pursed lips. His hand was still gripping Adalyn’s hard as his eyes scanned for the best way to get them out of there.

“HARRY! ADDY! COME ON SHOW US A LITTLE SOMETHING!”

“Harry you are going too fast, I can’t keep up.” Harry was nearly running, but Addy’s sandals were not exactly the practical type.

“You have too, love. Please try.” Harry’s voice was begging her to.

She gripped his hand tighter and gained his blue eyes turning back to check on her. A playful glint in Addy’s green eyes caused him to not look away. “Lose them, Henry.” The corner of her lips turned into a lighthearted grin.

“My pleasure.” Harry squeezed her hand tight, ensuring he had a good grip on it.

“Extra points if you lose your RPO too.” Addy giggled as the thrill of the run coursed through her.

“Extra points?” Harry’s eyebrow rose suggestively as his determination to please Adalyn turned the pursuit higher. He suddenly turned back on his heel and weaved them back through the same vendors they had just passed through after he noticed the paps having taken another route.

The prince travelled back towards the harbour front with Addy right by his side as they tried to ditch the paparazzi and his RPO. Addy glanced back over her shoulder seeing that the paps had were somehow gaining ground on them as their continual shouts of their name echoed from behind closer and closer. “Harry, they are getting closer!”

His eyes searched around, trying to find an escape route.  A devilish grin appeared on his lips once he spotted it. “Do you trust me?” Harry locked eyes with his girlfriend’s that held a mix of fear of the unknown and adventure from the chase circling in them.

“Always.” Their gaze lingered for a second longer.

“Don’t let go of me.” He tugged on her hand gently as they took often down towards the docks. Running through dock after dock of boats lining them, the prince spotted an older man preparing his boat to leave. Their footsteps echoed against the old wood that swayed over top of the water as their pace quickened.

Addy looked up to see exactly where Harry was taking her as adrenaline coursed through her to run faster along side him. “A boat?”

“Yes!” Harry smiled proudly of his plan. “Sir?!” He waved his free arm to gain attention of the man. “Start your boat, we will pay you well!”

The elderly man looked around and spotted the couple eagerly running down the dock being chased by people with cameras. He waved his arm to join them before he ran towards the controls as the engine of the boat roared to life. Harry glanced back over his shoulder. There may be enough distance between them and his RPO that he may actually lose everyone like Addy had asked him too.

Harry helped Addy get on the boat safely first as she stepped across a short wooden plank, letting go of his hand for the first time since the chase had started. The elderly man directed Harry in quickly untying the ropes that secured the boat onto the dock while making sure his girlfriend was safely seated at the front.

His girlfriend looked down the long row of the dock and saw them gaining ground as their voices became clearer. “Harry come on!” Addy stood up and walked towards the boat. “Get on!” She warned him and stuck out her hand for him to grasp.

The prince gave the boat a hard push to create some space between the boat and the dock in a last ditch effort to ensure no one would jump on. He grabbed Addy’s hand as she pulled him onto the boat with all the strength she had within her. His body crashed into her, making her nearly lose her footing with a light gasp.

Harry’s arm wrapped around her to secure Addy in place as her green eyes peaked up at him fondly. “You did it!” A set of green eyes were proudly smiling up at Harry.

“I did it for you, love.” He wanted to get lost in the depths of those green eyes again, but their names being shouted alerted him back to the reality of the situation at hand. The couple could hear the snaps of the cameras left in their wake as the boat successfully left the harbour.

Addy blindly searched for his hand, turning around to see the elderly man grinning at them ear to ear. “Hello!” She could not help but dissolve into a fit of breathless giggles as she tried to regain her breath from the long run.

“Thank you, sir. For helping us out.” Harry greeted the elderly man and introduced themselves. “This is my girlfriend, Addy.” He shook the man’s hand. “I’m Harry.”

“Welcome aboard my boat! The beautiful Josephine!” The man graciously welcomed them and offered them to sit and relax as he took them on a tour after they politely refused not to further waste his time.

“Please. I insist.” The man sat them down and gave each of them a traditional Croatian fruity drink. “I want to show you my beautiful country!”

Addy looked up at Harry to see if he wanted to stay on the boat and get a private tour from a local. “Do you want too? I think it will be fun.” She searched his blue eyes for an answer.

“I am in!” Harry smiled happily and lifted his arm for Addy to snuggle in closer. “I am happy I got my extra points.” The prince cheekily smiled down at Addy. “When do I get my reward?”

Addy tossed her head back with laughter and then breathed out a sigh. “Tonight…” She peaked up at Harry and bit down on her bottom lip, silently telling her boyfriend what his reward would be.

“Mmmm… in the hot tub?” Harry questioned with a suggestive eyebrow.

Addy simply nodded at the idea before turning her attention back to the elderly man who was telling them about the history of the town as they sailed along the coastal line.

Harry and Addy were all smiles only having eyes for one another as they walked hand in hand into Gallo, the restaurant they were to meet the rest of their group at after an afternoon of exploring. No member of the group missed seeing their gleeful smiles as they took the last few empty seats at the end of the table. The couple were a few minutes late having gotten back from their little private tour along by the local man who aided in their escape.

“What did you two get up to this afternoon?” Adriana leaned in towards Addy as Harry sat down beside Guy.

Addy glanced towards Harry unsure of what to say exactly so he stepped in and answered. “Well, we were exploring the little shops and markets when paps starting chasing us.” The whole table was now listening as they all formed shocked expressions.

“Seriously? All the way in Croatia?” Melissa’s expression softened as she looked across the table to see Addy’s smile fade and become quiet. She felt for Adalyn deeply. To have someone always wanting to photograph you and the lengths that they would go to just to get that one picture would certainly take its toll on her. Especially when she was meant to be on a stress free vacation that she desperately needed.

“Why?” Tom asked his friend.

“They only have one reason Tom.” Harry simply shrugged his reply before seeing Adalyn’s smile no longer there. All of his life he had hated the press for intruding on his personal life. All he was trying to do was to take his girlfriend on a vacation and he couldn’t even do that without them following them.

The prince nudged her leg gently underneath the table to subtly get Addy’s attention. Her green eyes lifted, locking in his gaze as he silently asked with his eyes if she was alright. A light nod with an attempted smile gave Harry his answer.

“But, then we escaped from them and got on a boat.” Addy’s smile re-appeared. “We got a tour from a local fishermen and he showed us around. He took us to a little hidden cove and it was amazing!”

“No way!” Mel wanted to hear more about it all.

“Some total James Bond shit.” Guy patted Harry on the back. “Wait… you even ditched your RPO?!”

Harry bit down on his bottom lip as a naughty glint appeared in his blue eyes. He was waiting for a phone call from his grandmother or father knowing he would get in shit for doing so. But, it was all worth it to spend some alone time with Addy on that little boat. “Yeah, waiting for the backlash as we speak.”

What Addy did not tell the group was the local man, Leo, actually took them back to his home on the coastal town where they met his wife, Josephine; the women whom he named his boat after. They had a lovely chat and were offered an assortment of traditional Croatian baking and a large selection of teas. There was something that Josephine told Harry as they were leaving their home to meet their friends. She told him something that he simply could not ignore as it felt like a foreseeable warning to him. “The eyes always tell their own story you know. They are the entry to the soul. She has a lot of fear behind her eyes that girl does. She hides that fear from you.”

“Harry?” Addy’s voice brought him back from the memory. “Want to share something with me?” He picked up the menu and quickly scanned through it.

“Yeah we could order two plates and share, love.” Harry winked at Addy. “You choose what you would like, I am good with whatever.”

“Are you sure?” Addy angled her head at Harry.

“Positive.” His gentle eyes reassured her.

The smile that grew on her lips was a sight he simply could not look away from. It was a smile that Harry rarely got to see since after the incident with Jake. He planned this trip with Guy all because he wanted Adalyn to remember what it was like to have a little fun and to relax without the pressure building up around her from all aspects of her life.

The press were at an ultimate high with their inquisitive nature about Adalyn as news of the kidnapping and desire to know how ‘Prince Harry’s girlfriend’ was coping with the aftermath. They even were getting braver asking about Addy during his official engagements to which he never gave a reply to validate anything. This caused Adalyn to want to close her self off from the outside world simply because she could not handle how the paparazzi shouted question after question about it to her.

Adalyn’s curator job at the Imperial War Museum were continually breathing down her neck about starting back up as projects sat uncompleted and were threatening to give all of her hard work she had done onto someone else. She confided in the prince shortly after his surprise visit to her grandparents farm that she was worried if she did not go back, that she would have no job to go back too. Adalyn questioned herself if she was ready too, but in the end that question did not matter as she could not give up her job. The plan was for Addy to start back up in the new year part time for the first month and then back to regular hours once she settled back in.

But, for the time being he would take that smile she was giving Harry knowing what was awaiting for him later in the hot tub that night.

To be continued….

[glacierbash]

Summary: At this point, Adalyn and Dakota as a duo is almost second nature. Any and all missions involving one would end up with the other as a partner. And it worked out. But sometimes, even such a great duo needs a small break. Even if it is in an old, prewar house with an annoying leak. Warnings: Ah. Slightly depressing talk towards the end? Aaaa

Hhhhh more Adalyn and Dakota because,,, I love them. Did you know Adalyn was originally a bitch and Dakota was less depressing? I know! Shocker! They also used to hate each other. But now??? They love. Anyways they’re just two friends with mutual pining in this fic. Aaaaa.

I wanna draw them being farmers now

The roof had been leaking for several hours before Dakota finally spoke up about it. It wasn’t a bad leak, not some awful thing, but by now it was annoying. Dakota nudged her companion, jolting Adalyn out of some daydream. “The roof.” Dakota said.

“It’s...real?” Adalyn tilted her head to the side. Dakota was about to explain when a look of understanding flashed across her face. It made Dakota laugh a bit. Adalyn was by no means slow, she just… wasn’t always the best at understanding things. But really, who is?

Adalyn stood up, walking around the room. She rummaged in the corners, presumably to find something to fix the leak with. Dakota watched her, pursing her lips. The leak kept drip, drip, dripping, and the rain didn’t relent. No, it actually seemed to get a bit worse now. Thunder rumbled in the distance.

Adalyn came back with a clock (of all things) and a roll of half used, still good duct tape. And then she frowned. “Screwdriver?”

“Nope. Just use a nail or something.” Dakota pushed herself up with a grunt, looking at the back of the clock. Adalyn snorted.

“Contrary to popular belief, my friend, my nails are pretty organic. They’d break.” Adalyn paused again, her mouth opening into a little “o” shape. “Oh. You mean, like… an actual nail?”

Dakota hadn’t, in fact, meant an actual nail. She had quite literally been suggesting Adalyn try using her fingernail. But she didn’t know, all for the better. “Yeah, duh. I’m not an idiot.”

“We all tell ourselves lies.” Adalyn walked to a wall, taking down a picture and discarding it haphazardly. Sure enough, there was a small hanging nail. She pulled it out with ease, and started fumbling around with the back of the clock. Specifically, where the batteries would have been. She worked at it for a couple seconds before she yelped and dropped both the clock and the nail. Dakota instantly perked up.

“What happened?” She asked, reaching out and grabbing Adalyn’s hand. Adalyn laughed a bit.

“Ah. I… stabbed myself.” She replied. There was a small dot of… something. Was it blood? Do synths bleed? Adalyn must’ve noticed the confusion on Dakota’s face, because she just shrugged. “I think it’s like blood. Whatever blood like thing keeps me going.”

“When you got shot there was a blood like substance.”

“That there was.” Adalyn touched her stomach gingerly. She then bent down and picked up the clock again. Dakota took it from her hands, as well as the duct tape from the floor. She walked over to the leak and taped the clock up. It was far less beautiful than what having just the back would’ve been, but beggars can’t be choosers. Adalyn fake pouted. “You had to wait for me to start bleeding out before you did that?”

“Didn’t know they made you with a sense of humor,” Dakota retorted. Adalyn gave a mock gasp of offense.

“Are all humans born assholes?”

“Ask one.” Dakota sat back down, leaning against the wall with a smile. Adalyn sat down next to her.

“Fine then. Are all humans born jerks?” The teasing tone had left her voice, leaving just a serious question. Dakota’s smile faded away.

“I mean… depends who you ask. Me? I think we are. I think all humans are… inherently awful, awful people. I think no human deserves to be alive, but… through the miracles we work, we earn a place.” Dakota turned to look at Adalyn. She was staring at the ground with a pensive expression.

“Do you think I’m inherently awful?”

“No! No, not at all—“

“Then what’s the difference between being born and being made?” Adalyn looked at Dakota, her eyes grave.

“Sometimes, people are accidents. You’re no accident.” Dakota’s joke came out far more serious than intended. Adalyn sighed. They sat in silence for several seconds, before Adalyn gently rested her head on Dakota’s shoulder. She was frowning.

“Why do you think I’m not awful? I was designed to take the place of some random doctor. And then I was trained to be, frankly put, a killer. If anything, I’m not the innocent one. A human baby is.”

“All this self hate is… probably not that healthy.”

“Oh! No, don’t take it that way!” Adalyn idly took Dakota’s hand. “I don’t hate myself. I’m just… curious. How does the mysterious Dakota think.”

“Quite simply, really. If it could kill me? Do it. If it will kill me? Don’t do it.” Dakota laughed a bit, “I’m… not that deep.”

“You’re a negative, pessimistic nihilist that believes the world should’ve ended when the bombs dropped, society is a mistake, and that life would be best if you died. I wanna know why you think that way.”

“Why?”

“...so maybe I could help you?” Adalyn looked up at Dakota.

“That’s… also probably not healthy. Listen. My mind is… so fucked up, that I just find it hard to be positive. But you shouldn’t try and help me. That—“

“Then carrying your burdens yourself also isn’t healthy. Dakota… you help me deal with my stuff. You listen to me, you talk with me, you defend me. Why can’t I do the same to you?” Dakota’s face must’ve revealed some secret answer, because Adalyn sighed. “You’ve gotten so used to being alone that you can’t bear the thought of letting people in? Is that it?”

“Spot on.” Dakota pursed her lips, closing her eyes. “When you lived like me, you… you keep your cards close to your chest. Keep your friends a knife’s distance away, and an enemy a bullet’s. Came up with that myself. You just can’t let people know… that you hurt. That you struggle, and… yeah.”

“But you don't live like that anymore.”

“Yeah, but old habits die hard.” Dakota sighed. “Let’s just… go to sleep. Anne will want to see us tomorrow, with our news.” Dakota disentangled herself from Adalyn, walking over to the small bag she carried. In just a couple minutes, she had two bedrolls set up. They were touching, not intentionally. Adalyn watched her for a few more seconds, before she moved to sit on a bedroll.

Her face was painfully sad as she studied Dakota. A gentle smile, brows slightly upturned, just… sad like a puppy. Dakota got into her own bedroll, forcing herself not to look at Adalyn. Adalyn got down into hers a second later.

There were several more beats of silence, before Adalyn sighed, almost defeatedly. “I hope one day you don’t see vulnerability as weakness. I hope one day you’ll be willing to share your story with me.” Adalyn paused. “I hope one day you’ll really trust me.”

And then she swung an arm over Dakota’s side, and fell asleep—or did the closest thing to sleep that a synth could do.

Dakota cried that night. For the first time since she escaped her own vault and killed that woman, Dakota cried. And she knew, deep down, that Adalyn was right.

She needed the help.

And when Dakota finally fell asleep that cold, wet, rainy night, she fell asleep in the arms of a person that genuinely cared.

[geekeryandsentiment]

For the nice asks thing: 2, 4, 5, 15, 31, 53, 55 🤗 if you want!

2.) What would you name your future kids? 

Oh goodness, I have so many names. I am a writer so I am constantly coming up with new names for characters and so I have a huge list of names I am in love with. For girls I really love: Lilliana, Charlotte, Sophia, Christine/Kristine, Elaina, Emlyn, and Adalyn. For boys I really like traditional English names for some reason, idk why but they are my favorite. I love Alexander, William, Charles, Louis, James, Andrew and I also love Matthew and Lucas. And then I of course have middle names that I love for all of them too. My future husband is in for it when we have kids lol. It’s going to be a hard decision. 

4.) What are you looking forward to?

College. I’m looking forward to college because I have spent hours every week studying and studying since Freshman year to get good grades and go to a good college. I am excited for my work to pay off. 

5.) Is there anyone who can always make you smile?

My best friend can, he lives about 500 miles away, but he calls me every once in a  while just to hear how I am doing and hear about what I did that day. Just hearing his voice can make me smile really because I love talking to him so much. 

15.) Personality description

I always have a really hard time with this, I am definitely very assertive but I like to think that I am always kind about it. I am very outgoing (loud too) and I love to meet new people. I am very comfortable in my own skin and confident which I think a lot of people find intimidating. I am not one to sit back and let my opinion be forgotten either-I’m that kid in class that would disagree with the teacher and not sit down and shut up about their opinion which I think some people find annoying lol. 

31.) Three random facts

1.) I am working on writing an original story which I have never done before. I just hit about 75 pages of writing yesterday and I am really liking it so far and I’m excited to keep going. 

2.) I learned in the past year that everything that I love to study and learn about can be utilized in dentistry, so I plan to major in Biology and go to Dental School:-) 

3.) I am currently procrastinating studying for my first AP Biology quiz by answering these questions, lol. 

53.) 5 things that make me happy

1.) My dog, Moxie. She just turned 12 a week ago. 

2.) Learning languages

3.) Children-they are the best to have conversations with and anyone that says differently is wrong. 

4.) Writing, if I get to sit down and write for at least 20-30 minutes a day (even if its just planning) then I’m happy. 

5.) stuffed animals- I have like 15 of the little beanie boos with the big sparkly eyes and they are displayed around my room and I sleep with my elephant (peanut) every night.

55.) Tumblr friends

Okay, so I don’t hav every many so i’m just kinda going to put down a few of my favorites right off the top of my head, which I know I will forget some and I’m sorry. 

@miraleeann is definitely my favorite. She’s so sweet and she’s helped me with my writing so much recently and I am infinitely grateful for her

@how-do-i-fangirl is my real life best friend, we don’t talk as much as i would like anymore but she’s one of my favorite people and I have known her since 6th grade and I miss her so much. 

@tardis-23  I LOVE this blog so much, it’s so great and diverse in the things posted. When I haven’t been on tumblr in a few days I regularly find myself just looking through that account because there are always such great posts on it. 

@everbeenminee is so sweet and nice and we don’t ever really talk but if you like Taylor Swift then you should definitely check out her blog because she is in my dash a lot and I love her posts. 

Those are just a few of my favorites and I know I am forgetting some but that’s what is in my head right now lol. 

Now I really have to get back to my Biology work, but thanks for the ask:-)