#actually unbelievable that this was made

[mostlygibberish]

I liked the part with the big prosthetic cock.

Holy shit. We may only be ten days into 2024, but this might just be the worst movie I'll see this year. It's difficult to imagine that a group of people got together to spend the time and effort needed to make a feature length film, only to produce this steaming heap of garbage.

When I saw Michelle Rodriguez holding a handgun with the painfully generic title Revenger* slapped onto it, I hardly imagined I was in for a cinematic masterpiece. I was expecting fan service shots of her and her nice strong arms as she shot her way through a generic crime thriller plot. What I got instead was a bizarre, transphobic movie that absolutely should not have been made. 

Frank Kitchen (Michelle Rodriguez with a terrible fake beard) is a mafia hitman or some such, who is kidnapped by a mad surgeon (Sigourney Weaver) that performs impossibly perfect surgery on him to "turn him into a woman" against his will. There's also a half-baked romance that literally doesn't matter to anything.

The first thing he does after waking up like 24 hours after they captured him is remove his bandages to reveal he has the absolutely unmarred, unscarred, unblemished face and body of Michelle Rodriguez, because that's totally how that works. They "explain" this literal magic transformation by stating that the surgeon is just REALLY good.

The second thing he does is take hormone pills because the evil surgeon tells him to, as though he had no choice but to comply, despite being a cisgender man who shows nothing but sadness and anger at having had this done to him.

He even visits a real doctor to ask if he can "go back to being a guy", laments that he is going to "be a chick, except for in [his] head", then complains that the hormones he's still voluntarily taking for absolutely no reason are making him "soft".

It's an absolute clusterfuck of fundamental misunderstanding of gender dysphoria and outdated gender = genitals thinking. It's clear nobody involved in making this actually cared to treat the topic with any tact or respect. I'd hope all these well known actors were in this because they had massive gambling debts to pay off, or maybe they were being blackmailed, but I know better.

The rest of the movie was a generic hitman-kills-the-people-who-betrayed-him plot with an obnoxious flashback framing device and shitty comic book scene transitions, complete with bad whooshing sound effects.

Tony Shalhoub and Sigourney Weaver's scenes were as pointless as they were badly written. The best part was when she stated "It makes me so angry and sad." in a completely monotone, expressionless voice.

Offensively bad, as well as just plain offensive.

*For some reason (hmm, I wonder why?) this movie appears to have been released under like 20 different titles.

[blackkatdraws2]

There are more things in the Parable than Stanley knows about. [Blank Scripts AU]

[curi0us-cherry]

Dreaming about cock while my lesbian flag hangs over my bed 💖🤍🧡

[morganbritton132]

Before Eddie got popular again with his Tiktok account, he gave a Zoom interview during quarantine about a virtual fundraiser that Corroded Coffin was participating in. He’s set up at the kitchen table because Steve turned it into his office for teaching and Eddie is using Steve’s laptop.

Steve, who just woke up from a nap, comes into the room and gets halfway through making a cup of coffee before he realizes that Eddie isn’t just talking to himself. Steve makes direct eye contact with the camera and then just slowly sinks down behind the counter.

Eddie clocked Steve the moment he came into the room and watched him in the screen sink out of frame. Eddie stops in the middle of what he was saying, turns around, and asks, “You okay?”

He’s get back the most embarrassed little, “Yes.”

The clip of Eddie Munson’s awkward ‘roommate’ gets included in all those Zoom bloopers compilations

[cerise-on-top]

hi! how would Valeria and Kate react if their wife’s got hurt because of their work, both of them working highly jobs and it ended up catching up to their s/o. hoe you are doing well and drink plenty of water! thank you!

-🍒

Hello! Both of them would be absolutely distraught, but would go about it in different ways!

Valeria’s and Laswell’s Wife Gets Hurt Because of their Job

Valeria: Whoever hurt you will wind up tortured and eventually, once she thinks they’ve had enough of their miserable life, will wind up dead. Naturally, the first thing she does is check up on you, see if you’re alright and well, that’s her priority. You’re the love of her life, there’s no one else in this world she wants to see do well. You’ll be admitted to the best hospital nearby and will only get the finest treatment. Once you’re stabilized, that’s when the hunt begins. Whoever hurt you won’t get too far since that bastard’s life will be on the line. Regardless of where they might be hiding, Valeria will find them and show them that death is actually a kind of mercy. She has pretty much everything at her disposal, everything money can buy, this sucker won’t know what hit them. If it’s revenge they want, then revenge they’ll get. Valeria promises you that their head will be on a silver plate. She’s not very good with words when it comes to comforting someone, but she will have that person killed in the most cruel ways she can imagine. In fact, she’ll take the pleasure of torturing them upon herself. Once she’s done, she’ll take some days off, which is surprising since she usually can’t afford that at all. You’ll be under her direct care for those days. Anything you want you’ll get. Afterwards there will be a slight shift in her demeanor, Valeria becomes more protective over you. Sometimes she might even assign some trusted people of hers to watch over you since she can’t afford something like that happening again. While she can’t always take some days off, she’ll try to be closer to you anyway. Always texting you, finding excuses to come home for a day maybe. She just really needs to make sure you’re okay, she wouldn’t know what to do with herself if you died.

Laswell: Laswell will try to be a bit more diplomatic about it at first, trying to coax whoever hurt you out of hiding. This person will be held accountable for their crimes against her world. Naturally, she rescues you first, gets you to the nearest hospital and won’t leave your side until you’re stable again. If it takes you a while to wake up again, she’ll leave to find the fucker and make sure they swim with the fishes. She has a pretty large, efficient network and will find out who it was fairly easily. Once she knows who they are, she won’t hesitate to find out all their past crimes as well, if they hurt you then they must have done some other awful things as well. Once that phase is over, she’ll go to their home herself and have them arrested, put in the worst prison imaginable where the inmates are treated especially badly. She won’t kill them, but she wouldn’t be surprised if they wind up dead anyway. Laswell usually isn’t an evil person, but she does hope that person dies during their time. Their sentence will be as long as possible so there’s no chance of them ever seeing the sunlight again either. Once all of this is over, she, too, would take some days off to spend with you. You’re a priority above all else, so Laswell will want to be there for you, no matter the cost. While she usually isn’t, depending on how severely you got hurt she might become a bit overbearing, a bit overprotective. That overprotectiveness will last for a few months, afterwards she’ll try to give you some space again. However, she’ll always be keeping a closer eye on you, always texting or calling you every once in a while to make sure you’re okay. If she needs to, she’ll put you under her protection officially, but the situation needs to be dire for that to happen. Either way, she’ll be keeping you safe.

[remusjohnslupin]

I forgot to make a post about this last week (or maybe I needed time to process what I saw), but addressing my fellow Tolkien fans out there: Did anyone else feel the urge to scoop their own eyes out with a spoon after the whole 'sympathetic and misunderstood orcs who just want to stay with their families and don't want to go to war' debacle?

Misunderstood orcs. Misunderstood. Orcs. Who don't want to go to war. ORCS. They actually showed an orc baby being held by its orc parent.

Once again... ORCS.

I am so glad Christopher Tolkien died in 2020.

[statementlou]

https://www.tumblr.com/louisupdates/754934426217152513/goodbye-faith-in-the-future-world-tour-272024?source=share

did he or did he not lose fans then?

I will answer this because this anon actually brings a concrete question to the table rather than just "hurhur but you're a larrie??" (tell me you can't actually refute any of our points…). Anyway this post shows the decrease in Louis instagram followers between the screenshots taken directly after the release of Faith in the Future in Nov '22, when he changed his bio to promote that album and the tour tickets, and now, when he changed it again to mention the current release. But I'm putting that response under a cut because I'm tired of the actual POINT of all this nonsense getting lost in a sea of made up things people insist are important:

There is no rational argument you can make to say that Louis has less fans now than he did 2, 4, or 6 years ago. You don't need a spreadsheet of details you need to USE YOUR EYES! He has gone from filling theaters to filling arenas and stadiums. His second album made a higher chart position than his first album. His festival has doubled in size EVERY year of its existence. And for that matter: his insta post engagement numbers remain about the same (despite the fact that older posts should have way MORE likes due to having been there longer, even aside from follower counts.) SO WHO FUCKING CARES ABOUT HIS INSTA FOLLOWER NUMBER???? Serious question: what does the word "fans" mean if these things aren't what matters? ALL of this quibbling about what he should do to make things better and people can't even see that THINGS AREN'T BAD.

Anyway to address the specific question- (con't......)

NO- HE DID NOT LOSE FANS. HE LOST SOME INSTA FOLLOWERS. THESE ARE NOT THE SAME THING. As I said above, literally what does it mean to lose fans if that number change coincides with him having higher sales, more audience members, and higher engagement than ever before? Whatever he lost ISN'T FANS. I wouldn't be surprised if a significant factor was something like a bot purge, but also yes: I'm sure a lot of casuals followed him around the time of his big album release and later unfollowed him. That's extremely normal because that's how casual engagement works, and why the definition of fan really matters. Louis and his team understand this and have referenced it repeatedly, talking about how lucky he is to have *us* specifically, to have the kind of dedicated fanbase he has, to have the KIND of fans he does who will allow him to do what HE wants. @dogsliampaynedoesntinstagram named the issue of depth vs breadth with regard to fans a long time ago, and pointed out why having DEPTH is so much more important. It's like this- artists who are on top 40 radio have more numbers on things like insta follows, and for a time on sales and tickets. But those aren't FANS- they're people with a casual interest. And as soon as that person isn't being forced in their ears 10x a day, those people lose interest and stop supporting them, stop buying stuff and unfollow, and those artists end up doing the 'opener on the jingle ball' circuit rather than their own tours. One Direction as a whole, and Louis maybe most of all or near to at this point, have something MUCH MORE VALUABLE than that- DEPTH FANS. Louis has fans who will support him even if he takes years to release music, or stops parading around with a pretend girlfriend to stay in the headlines at least once a month, or completely changes his image and genre, and that is UNHEARD OF. It's ASTONISHING and worth SO MUCH MORE. And they get that! THAT is why he always bragging about us, why industry people he works with are always so agog about us, why he will do anything for US- not for randos. He is also growing his breadth- and it's OBVIOUSLY WORKING whatever his follower counts are, but that is always going to be secondary to doing things for THE FANDOM because that is his sustainable business model. That is what keeps him onstage and reaching number one. And not coincidentally, the things they do are also working to grow that- much more valuable- commodity. So the fact that that's exactly what these chuckleheads complain about- that he does things that are just fandom facing or serving rather than everything being aimed at recruiting casual fans- does nothing but betray how completely they, unlike Louis and his team, misunderstand the actual drivers of his (actual, existing, happening) success. Luckily for Louis, he and his team rely on their own data harvesting (they do a LOT of it) and growth metrics (they're off the charts) rather than the smug assumptions of random (mostly quite new to this) fans and the few bitter people leading the complaining about everything Louis does.

[skitskatdacat63]

2023 Brazilian Grand Prix - Podium - Fernando Alonso

[youling-the-ghost]

Y'all, we have a canon trans sfth character!

This is not a drill, we have a canon sfth trans character!!!!!

[rushingheadlong]

You know something I don't think I've ever seen people talk about is how Freddie changed the lyrics for Big Spender.

Because in case you don't know, all original versions of the song are sung by women - and it is made very clear that they are singing to men:

The minute you walked in the joint I could see you were a man of distinction A real big spender [....] So let me get right to the point: I don't pop my cork for every man I see Hey, big spender Spend a little time with me

Probably not too surprising, then, that when Queen performed this song in 1974 Freddie had to do a bit of a gender-switch on it:

Though, it would probably be more accurate to say that Freddie made this song gender-neutral because he didn't change it to be about a woman. He eliminated the first use of "man" entirely and then sang "I don't pop my cork for everyone I see" (instead of "every man").

And honestly there's probably a whole dissertation you could write just about those changes alone, but what I really love is when Queen brought the song back in 1986 and Freddie changed the lyrics again:

Because yes he still dropped the first "man" but the "everyone" is changed and Freddie instead sang "every guy" with just the barest hint of a "-rl" sound at the end to give him plausible deniability if anyone asked about it.

So much of Freddie's music speaks to his experiences as a queer man but, because of the nature of the times in which he lived, he couldn't always be directly open about that fact. Most of his love songs are intentionally vague, and he sang about "somebody" or "you" to avoid having to use gendered terms as much as possible.

Freddie singing "I don't pop my cork for every GUYrl I see" wasn't just an adjustment to the original lyrics, it was a specific change from how Freddie had sang it before in order to make it more gay in a way that he could rarely be with his own music, and that is what I adore about this. It's such a little thing, but it gives such a unique insight into how Freddie balanced his sexuality and his stardom, and how the relationship between those two changed over the nearly 12 years between these performances.

[cure-stars]

"but i think i kinda hate summer", while caressing a cat you muttered brazenly.

ah, chasing after your runaway cat, you found yourself plunged before a red traffic light. ☀️

[andi-o-geyser]

Okay but can we be honest for a second here, because the idea that this fuck of an elf

EVER got game is literally insane. Like?? Sir how did you convince any woman to sleep with you because I would literally rather die. Full offence intended; you’ve got a face and personality like a doormat but if that doormat was racist and elitist and yelled at his kids.

[askinkiskarma]

I may or may not have just received the best present i will possibly ever receive. My two soulmates, @sulieykte and my bf got together behind my back to work on making my first baby, illicit affairs, into an ACTUAL BOOK, a hardcover BOOK. A BOOK! i now have a book and i can put it in my bookshelf and hope nobody picks it up and reads it cause that would be an awkward conversation to have. I am so so grateful and so unbelievably bewildered, so i will need some time to process this, but how incredible is it??? :((((

[kismetconstellations]

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in my heart) x.

[kareenvorbarra]

we just finished watching Dune (1984) and I feel insane

[carefulfears]

thinking about my post on fire and the levels of mistreatment that mulder accepts and how 1,000% on purpose it is as a result of being blamed for samantha’s abduction since childhood. and how that was the point of making him feel responsible for her disappearance in the first place.

when CSM said “i created mulder” it rings true in many ways, but perhaps the most sinister is the joint effort to break down someone he watched play outside the summer house as a child, someone who was once the 1-year-old whose first words they laughed over, into someone who could be the kind of hero and foil that he craves for his own story.

it’s why CSM gave him scully, took her away, gave her back again. gave her a terminal illness, let it kill almost all of her, then healed her for no reason other than to beg belief in his miracles.

it’s the reason why mulder was left home alone “in charge” that night and the reason why 20 years later his father said “do you realize what this will do to your mother?” and watched him sob apologies.

it’s the reason why he doesn’t flinch when his mother hits him and he doesn’t flinch away from the empty relationships with women who are just like her and he doesn’t own a bed. it’s the reason why he runs in front of cars and into suicide missions on military facilities and jumps onto trains with bombs on them. it’s the reason why he can’t do anything more with scully than kiss her cheek on her deathbed.

because you might not be able to kill one man’s religion without turning it into a crusade, but you can make sure he never belongs anywhere further than at your feet.