#actually they called them 'school camps' and when my dad was a kid they were called 'colonies'

[t1oui]

going to school and being friends with percy jackson would be REALLY WEIRD so let's discuss it rq

he gets dropped off every day in his stepfather's car, which inexplicably has hoof prints on the hood?

the panic attacks... there's a lot of them, and nobody can even tell what's triggering them at this point

the old counselor disappears about a week into his first year at AHS (here's some cotg lore for yall) and is replaced by a weird lady who finds a way to bring percy up to every. single. student. who visits her office.

randomly disappears multiple times throughout the year

very very sea green eyes and a gray streak in his hair

once got out of the pool after swim practice and was completely dry (he insists it was a trick of the light)

the blue food obsession ofc

talks about his girlfriend annabeth all the time... even his friends are convinced it's a "my canadian girlfriend" situation bc he never calls her. he doesn't even have a PHONE

always carries around a pen in his pocket and even though it's just a shitty old ballpoint, NOBODY IS ALLOWED TO TOUCH IT. also he never uses it. ever.

every teacher has sent an email with their concerns about him to the counselor and when that doesn't work to his parents. the responses are always very awkward and vague

talks about his bio dad a lot... never explicitly negative but bro clearly has daddy issues lol

will sometimes randomly mention camp/war/gods and then brush it off like it never happened

absolutely vibrated in his seat the entirety of the greek mythology unit... told the teacher "a demigod named perseus fought ares once" and the teacher just assumes he means the og (aka the one he's named after)

that one upbeat popular guy everybody knows absolutely nothing about, his friends included

they probably have a spreadsheet with all the info they actually DO know about him

finds a way to brag about his mom in every conversation no matter how irrelevant... his friends are used to it atp

everyone's so used to seeing him smiling and laughing that when, say, he catches a younger kid being bullied, it's actually terrifying to see how angry he gets. everybody in that hallway gets chills

there's something off about him and nobody can tell what. that's just how he is

sometimes weird people in weird outfits are hanging around the school and they're ALWAYS looking for him.

every time someone asks what college he's going to he gives a different answer or straight up avoids answering so nobody actually knows

(if he says a school and someone is like "omg me too" he changes his answer right then and there lol... he's like "oh nvm i forgot i'm actually going here my bad" and the person is so confused)

nobody ever sees him working on college applications but he complains about having to do them all the time... bro is like "yeah i had to go through a sewer system but at least my girlfriend and my best friend were there" and his friends are like yo HUH

never explains anything he says

presentation night presentation = all the shittiest things my family has done and he's laughing about it but wdym your aunt kidnapped you and gave you amnesia???

sometimes he's getting fed up with a teacher or another student and a pipe randomly bursts in the school. like it's weird how often his anger ends in a plumber being called when he's nowhere near the problem

where everyone else is excited to watch a movie and chill in class, percy complains through the entirety of hercules - not just "oh this movie sucks", more like "god hercules is such a dick, idk why they made him chill in this movie"

the weirdest part is how, when percy complains about zeus being a good dad in the movie, it starts thundering outside

nobody can keep track of how many schools he's been to at this point... there's a whole section of the spreadsheet for this

when percy's friends finally meet annabeth they are SHOOK bc they truly did not think this girl was real

alright i can't think of anything else but if i DO i will add on later

[alwaysshallow]

I've had a epiphany. (a self-indulgent one.)

Well not really- but I can't stop thinking about it and I wanna call it that so just ignore this

Parent Trap Captain! John! Price! X Reader

can be GN, I don't mind

Subtle changes like- they didn't meet on a cruise ship but actually dated some time during and after military school and then got married.

and they were just in a really rough patch when Reader! got pregnant so they decided to part ways

(and split the kids too! :D) lol.

Meet again 9 years later when Reader sends her kid off to camp at the same time as John.

Both the kids see them together (acting like ex-lovers and shi 🤭) but they don't see eachother until later that day and they're like "Woah! we look just like eachother! :oo"

Anyway you get the gist..

urs truly

💎 anon

i LOVE parent!trap au with john price oh my god anon. I JUST HAD TO WRITE SOMETHING

John never stopped loving you.

You hear this nine years after your divorce, when life decides to pull the greatest prank on you and both of you, you and your ex-husband, sent your kids to the same camp.

Twins, to be exact. They have no idea of the other one because it was supposed to be easier, to not see each other, at least until they're a bit older.

You talk to John out of simple human decency, with no intention to continue it whatsoever, especially not when your ex-husband has a smile wide like a Cheshire cat, and he's a devil in disguise. He just screams trouble, and he is one, when he shamelessly follows you to your car.

"It just seems like fate, binding us again" he leans against your car (his, he bought it himself, but insisted on leaving it to you). You want to tell him something about this, but you tie your mouth. If you're gonna go into bickering, he's gonna have a time of his life. He's just waiting for it.

"It seems like fate tells us that's the time for our daughters to meet–"

"–old Lucy is a little bit rusty." he hums, looking at your car. "There's a little dent here. I think I could fix it."

"You don't–"

"–probably needs a change of oil too. You've never been into cars, I need my kid to be safe and sound, you too, missus."

Missus. You want to fight him for that title, but he's just not listening. He's just asking questions and answering them himself, like you're not even a part of this conversation. The only times he pays attention is when he looks at you, his ocean blue eyes glistening, wrinkles in his eyes evident.

He's so different, yet, so familiar. Your daughter would love to meet his dad, probably.

You quickly brush that thought off your mind. You can't think like that. It's a trap, he wants you to think this way. You divorced with him for a reason.

[respectthepetty]

Addicted Heroin (Th) Colors & Chaos - Special Episode

Did the special episode for Addicted Heroin offer any answers about the time jump we got in the first episode? No! Did it explain why we were shown Hero in the hospital screaming in the trailer? No! Did we get the infamous car accident even though we were shown the car had faulty brakes (thanks to a creepy brother)? Also no! But I got color-coded boys in love, and that's all that really matters!

Plus I got way more of my side couple in this episode than I did the entirety of the actual season, so who am I to be upset at this show for making no sense?

I don't need logic when I have a Green Guy and Blue Boy running away from a crazy father to an island just in time for the pandemic to cause everything to be locked down.

If it gets me more of my Pink Person and Yellow Yal, then I'm willing to sacrifice logic!

Because even though everything is locked down, the kids are still going to school without masks.

While the two little runaways are masked up on the island and buying color-coded swords.

So they can get drunk and play with them later as they fantasize about being in a wuxia, but not in a gay way. No! They were actually playing with the swords.

Because the director was determined to make sure that he only alluded to them having sex because heaven forbid they actually kiss on the lips!

The Chinese version wasn't even this censored!

But, once again, I'm here for colors, not for a rationale plot or reasonable merch!

So what if Hero gets shot with rubber bullets at the market because his dad sent an entire ARMY to bring him back dead or alive?!

What does it matter that a gorgeous woman showed up for three whole minutes and rescued him out of nowhere, only to creepily spray her perfume on him as if marking her territory?

Is it important that Hero knows his brother is a creep who keeps trying to sexually assault Pop?!

No! Because the whole entire military is after two gay kids during a pandemic!

AND THE KIDS HAVE TO OUTSMART THEM!

Hero and his creepy brother really just told these men to lie to their dad, and they did! I know this is the plot to a Disney Channel original movie. It has to be!

But it makes perfect sense that the military is pro-homo since this is their training.

Is it homoerotic?

Or just homo?

Doesn't matter to me because as long as I keep getting my side couple, I don't give two shits how this story is falling apart like a Temu sweater.

I'm getting color-coded boys in love with implied sex, who just pulled the gay version of speaking-to-the-manager to get out of returning home, so not one second of this Disney Channel original movie needs to make a lick of sense for me to enjoy it!

Although Poppy is very upset that they are not in school, screwing up their chances of going to college, isolated on an island away from his family during a pandemic, and just chilling with the creepy brother, he still loves Hero as he wears his color, so if he is good with this shitshow, then I'm Gucci.

And even though we both know the cars that Hero's creepy brother gave them are death traps since the brakes didn't work when Pop tried to drive away, I'm ignoring that just like the characters did because this special episode was made from scenes that were meant for a second season that is never happening, so . . . fuck it! We ball!

The boys go camping on the beach because that's what one does when the plot isn't making even one iota of sense.

But the camping trip is color coded, so I'm happy!

And the special episode ends with Hero's dad calling them to say they can come home because Pop's mom has been crying that the kids could die from COVID (yet not from the dad sending an army to kill them!).

But the kids don't come home because it's a pandemic, and they are in lockdown.

The End

***********

And this is why I need people to watch trash because some of you need to be humbled. Y'all are watching perfectly good shows and ripping them apart over trivial aspects while THIS CLUSTERFUCK IN A SILK SHIRT EXISTS!

AND I STILL LOVED IT!

Bless

[verdemoun]

I'm still thinking. Hosea is a grandfather. A grandpa, if you will. There's Isaac, the boy he barely saw before timewarp, the boy he actually *watched* grow up. And Jack. Oh, Jack. (I am so normal about him.) The bright boy running around camp, turned into this. Just as emotionally fucked up as John and Arthur were at his age. And then there's timewarp kids, and then he figures out Jack had a younger sister. How does he handle THAT???

yes. y es i thought abt jack and hosea. because yes i fuckinf think jack would happily put up with hoseas bs. that is his grandpa and grandpa loves him.

oh fuck you you can't attack me in the feels like that and not expect an immediate reply covid has your brain cOOKING. sorry john + abigail jack is actually my son my baby my blorbo

If dad Hosea is intense, papa Hosea is willing to resort to the lowest honor tactics to protect his grandbabies. Like mama grizzly bear to the extreme: he might look the part of sweet old man but he will murder someone with his bare hands if they even LOOK at his grandbabies wrong.

He actually prefers being called Uncle Hosea because he loathes reminders of how old he is (even though growing old is something he is very, very grateful for). Isaac looked him dead in the eye when Hosea tried to correct him and said 'no I am calling you Pa and that's that'. He also calls Bessie Meemaw. Everyone else calls him Uncle Hosea but Isaac has that Morgan stubbornness.

Also Isaac is finally old enough for the 'yeah your dad was an outlaw and all those strange timewarp people are fellow gang members' and is immediately eyes sparkling. Knows outlaw bad but also how cool is that?? He will excitedly sit at Hosea's feet to hear stories about the old days and of course Hosea loves telling very true and not exaggerated tales of their adventures.

Between having no understanding of modern currency and economics and also the excitement of having a grandchild he gets to see whenever he wants because not running for lives anymore, Hosea is the worst when it comes to spoiling his grandbabies second only to Bessie.

Isaac, going from being raised by a 90% of the time solo parent to having such a massive family in the gang, loves all of them so much. Suddenly having grandparents for school events and those dumb family tree assignments. Isaac also inherited the theatrics genes. He's doing a video interview about Hosea's career and of course Hosea is just telling stories about scams and cons he ran but Isaac's in full old timey interviewer garb newsie cap on microphone and clipboard.

Isaac slamming the door at Arthur's fuck you I'm going to Pa's house when he's grounded. Arthur calling to say he's grounded do not spoil him send him home asap and Hosea merrily agreeing only to cut to Isaac getting cake and coffee while they play dominos. Hosea blindly agrees that Arthur is taking him getting suspended a second time far too seriously.

Old man bawling getting to hold baby Maeve. Sean trying to tell him to stop because he's going to wake her up but Hosea is the softest bastard when it comes to babies.

Emotionally ruined to find out Jack has a younger sister but also she was the first Marston to die and so young. He is always the first to offer to babysit and it was a very common occurrence to find her sitting on his lap drifting off as he reads to her. Practices her reading with her and plays tea parties with actual tea and does voices for different characters obsessed with playing with his smaller grandkids.

BUT HOSEA AND JACK. Hosea has been through the emotionally fucked teen outlaw gig so many times he is an expert. He knows when Jack needs space or to talk or company before Jack does.

As easy as it is to focus on that damage all that trauma and emotions and just darkness Jack carries with him, Hosea still sees their little prince.

The sheer emotion of knowing how much reading came to mean to Jack. The hurt but comfort of knowing that Jack, even if he didn't remember Hosea as clearly as Hosea remembers him, held onto something Hosea helped him with and gave him so tightly. How he read so much Abigail teased him despite how proud she was of the life he was going to have before everything turned to shit.

When Jack is still adjusting and understandably awkward and also mentally not coping, Hosea showed him their expansive private collection of books and saw the way Jack's eyes lit up. They both finally have someone to talk to books about.

Not only Jack lighting up a little like a candle being exposed to oxygen again but actually laughing as Hosea starts stacking books he recommends in his arms. Hosea being excited to talk about books without spoiling them also also just so excited to see that bright little boy is still in there.

Catching Jack curled up on what is usually his reading chair, book still in hand but fast asleep. Remembering the first times Arthur, and John, and Tilly and all those troubled young outlaws they picked up along the way felt comfortable enough to sleep around him, and knowing deep down Jack is going to be okay.

[sluttyten]

You In My Arms

Chapter 2: In the Dark

full masterlist || haechan masterlist || YIMA chapter index

summary: You want to be the star of your own love story instead of watching your friends fall in love around you. Just one night opens your eyes to a method to put yourself in a starring role, even if it's not quite in the way you'd always imagined.

length: 11,005

tags: slowburn, friends to lovers, voyeurism, exhibitionism, masturbation (public & in private), general perversion, smut

previous chapter || next chapter

Haechan was your first love. 

You met him at a formative time in your life, when you were getting your first true taste of freedom after moving away to attend the university of your dreams. 

At first Haechan was just the funny guy in your orientation group, but then you started seeing him around campus from time to time, noticed that he sat in the middle of the large forum classroom your Psych class was held in, and then you discovered that his friends were friends with some of yours. Your circles overlapped, you were actually both studying for the same degree, and you took full advantage of both of those facts to ingratiate yourself into his life. 

His name was Lee Donghyuck, but his friends called him Haechan. 

The first time he smiled at you with his full, bright smile and told you to call him Haechan, you felt like your heart liquefied in your chest, filling you with this molten feeling of happiness. 

But despite how hard and fast you fell for him, Haechan didn’t look at you as anything more than just one of his friends. You knew why. There was another girl in the group he had his eye on, though he never made a move on her either. You watched for years as all of you danced around each other. She dated several guys and slept around; Haechan slept around a good amount; and you did your very best to fall out of love with a guy you were fairly certain wasn’t interested. 

Your mutual group of friends wasn’t one that necessarily drew lines when it came to relationships. Pretty much everyone had kissed or slept with everyone else, either directly or indirectly. You’d had your share of flings with some of the guys. A whirlwind romance over the summer between your second and third years at university with Mark, then a good portion of your third year you and Xiaojun had been fuckbuddies. 

But through it all, your foolish heart was set on one man. Haechan. 

It wasn’t until your last year at school that you finally saw an opportunity, a little chance for Haechan to move on from your other friend. She started sneaking around with Shotaro, and though no one called them out on it, you thought they were being pretty obvious. Disappearing together at parties, suddenly hanging out together a lot more. 

But they kept it secret, so you never said a word, figuring they would tell all of you when they were ready. 

Your fourth year of study was nearing the halfway point, and this semester felt the most brutal yet. The finish line was nearly in sight, and that was equal parts exhilarating and terrifying. Your whole future lay on the other side of that line, and sure, you still had the rest of this semester and the next before graduation, but really that was only a few short months away. 

On a long holiday weekend, your friend group planned a camping trip. Someone in the group knew someone who knew someone (a dad’s cousin’s brother-in-law’s kid type of situation) that had a lakefront property that they usually rented out to tourists, set up for glamping and boating and all sorts of things that could keep all of you well preoccupied for a weekend. A deal was made with that distant acquaintance, and your group of friends was given free rein of the property for the weekend. 

You arrived late Friday night with the last of your friends. Of course, the ones that had gotten there earlier in the day had claimed the best rooms, and since you were among the last, you were stuck just wherever, which meant that you were meant to sleep in the room with Karina and Winter, which wasn’t the worst place you could think to sleep, but it wasn’t the best either. They were fine, usually friendly, but among all of your friends, you were probably the least close with them. 

So you slept in the room that night, feeling like you were invading the two girls’ space, and first thing on Saturday morning, you were up and ready for the day to start. 

It was a beautiful day. Since Xiaojun was studying culinary arts, he made a very nice breakfast for all of you, while YangYang – who spenting most weekends bartending – made mimosas. 

Starting out, everything was great. 

It was sunny and warm, the water was perfect. There was a nice little beach, a boat, a dock. Some people played in the water, a few people left to hike on trails in the woods around the lake, you played a round of beach volleyball. 

It was a fun day except that Xiaojun kept sticking rather close to your side. It would have been fine if his intentions were just friendly, but it was the way he kept trying to flirt with you that put a slight downer on the day. Every time you tried to put some distance between you and him, he would find you again. 

You liked him as a friend, but what you’d had with him the previous year was in the past. You weren’t interested in being anything more than friends with him right now. 

At one point, you’d gone out to the end of the dock, hoping that you’d finally get the chance to be alone. Karina was floating on a fancy blow-up pool float that she’d somehow tethered to the dock to keep from floating off into the lake, but she was minding her own business, and you didn’t think she would bother you. 

But then you hear footsteps behind you, and you’re ready to turn around and fuss at Xiaojun to just leave you alone, but then Haechan plops down beside you. He calls over to Karina, and you watch her flick a mildly irritated look at him, but true to character, Haechan doesn’t let that deter him. He slips into the water, and swims right over to her. 

You try to ignore both of them as you lie down on your back on the weathered boards. A light breeze keeps the heat off the sun from fully baking you, and your feet are in the lake water, helping a bit with combating the heat too. You can hear Haechan and Karina talking, hear them laughing, hear voices carrying over the water from the beach behind you. 

Eventually, Haechan lifts himself back up into the dock, spraying you with tiny droplets of water. You’re about to complain about that when Haechan speaks instead. 

“Hey, man!” Haechan calls out in greeting. You don’t even have to look to know who it is going to be. “That breakfast this morning was great.”

“Thanks,” Xiaojun says appreciatively as he approaches. “I have plans for dinner tonight too.”

“He’s using us as a test for his restaurant plans,” you say, tilting your head and squinting in the sunlight. The shadowy figures of Xiaojun and Haechan stand there above you. “You’re both blocking my light.”

Which is how you come to be sunbathing and cloudgazing with Xiaojun and Haechan. Xiaojun’s arm rests against yours, he keeps tapping his foot against your ankle every few minutes too, and you know exactly why he’s being like this. Maybe if he would just come out and ask if you would have sex with him, you would, but he’s just constantly trying to initiate contact and being clingy instead, and you’re not enjoying that. But Haechan’s presence, on the other hand, is something you are enjoying. 

He’s in a particularly good mood, chatty and laughing, pointing up at the clouds to tell you what shapes he sees. 

“I used to do this a lot when I was younger,” he tells you. “My family lives in Jeju, and sometimes my younger siblings and I would just lie on the beach when we got too tired of playing, and we would look up at the clouds.”

You turn your head, resting your cheek on the warm boards beneath you as you look over at Haechan. He’s just gazing up at the sky, one arm lifted to point at a specific cloud that you have no interest in gazing at right now. You’re looking at him beside you, sunlight personified with his golden skin and bright smile. He’s talking and Xiaojun is too, but you’re not listening to either of them. 

And then Haechan looks over at you, and you snap your head around to look up at the clouds again. 

The rest of the day passes. Dinner preparations begin. You disappear inside to shower the feel of sweat, sunscreen, sand, and lakewater off of you. As evening sinks in, the air cools off, so you dress warmer before you return outside to sit by the fire. Most people are gathered out here, though a few of your friends are still inside cleaning themselves up or finishing up preparing food, but you find Haechan sitting in a foldable camp chair with an open seat right beside him. 

You take it. 

He flinches, startled at your sudden appearance, but he relaxes as you start talking. You talk about school of all things – you’d not thought ahead to figure out anything else to talk about right now, only knowing that you wanted to talk with him. But you do end up offering him some study help, and your heart beats a little faster when you think about the chance to be alone with Haechan in a study room in the library or at his dorm maybe. You enjoy Haechan’s presence, so you’ll take any opportunity to be alone with him, even if it is just to study.

“I might take you up on that. But like you said, this is a nice break,” he sighs, and tips his head back, looking similar to how he’d looked earlier on the dock. “I feel like this weekend we can all just relax and let loose.”

You want to let loose, really. To be a little careless tonight and just let your walls fall down, maybe use the excuse of some alcohol to kiss Haechan, to entice him into bed, and if it’s weird in the morning then you can just blame it on the alcohol. Your mind plays with the idea of drunkenly kissing Haechan tonight, sliding into his lap here at the bonfire to kiss him in front of all of your friends. You can already imagine the hoots, whistles, and catcalls, the sounds of surprise because none of them would expect something like that of you. 

You want to let loose, to look as carefree and relaxed as Haechan does. 

Haechan looks over at you, and you realize you’re smiling. He smiles too, an almost involuntary curve of his lips to match your own. 

"When do you ever hold back from letting loose, Lee Donghyuck?" You ask, feeling a happy laugh bubble from your lips. He always seems so carefree, very go-with-the-flow and happy. The idea of Haechan needing to become more loose makes you laugh. 

You see a hint of surprise in his eyes before he’s laughing with you. And then you’re laughing even harder, both of you leaning in towards each other with the gravity of the emotions. 

To no one’s surprise, least of all your own, Xiaojun appears to take the seat on your other side, wondering what you’re both laughing about. He does his very best to steal your attention away from Haechan, and it actually works. 

You do like Xiaojun, he’s a good friend, which is why your friends with benefits relationship had worked out so well for so long last year; he knows the right things to say to you, so you are fully swept into a new conversation with him, and when you next look around, Haechan is gone. 

You try not to let your disappointment show, but you think it must anyway because Xiaojun seems to make it his purpose for the rest of the evening to cheer you up. The food does a good job of that, and then Xiaojun and Chenle’s company does well at keeping you entertained as night falls, a chill creeping in off the lake, and YangYang’s alcoholic creations – as well as a typical cooler of beer – make their rounds. 

You don’t really pay too much attention to the rest of your friends while Chenle is regaling you with a tale of a trip he took, and you’re definitely not paying attention to how much other people are drinking, until you start hearing raised voices, teasing laughter, and Haechan’s voice cutting above the rest. You turn to look. 

They’re teasing Shotaro again, that quickly becomes obvious. 

He’s sitting there in his seat beside your friend he’s secretly been hooking up with for weeks now, and he looks a little embarrassed, but he’s still in the stage of not minding it. But Haechan is the one leading the teasing, and as you watch, you can tell that he’s setting Shotaro’s girl off, she’s getting rather prickly. 

You can tell Haechan is a bit more drunk than most other people. There’s a flush to his cheeks and his neck, a hazy gleam to his eyes, a slight slur to his speech. He’s not wasted, but he’s more drunk than not. He’s just teasing, and as you listen to him, you realize that he’s throwing a few barbed points in there, like he knows something most of your friends don’t. 

Does he know about the secret relationship too?

She gets all defensive, throwing some shots back at Haechan, and that’s when you see the drunken haze clear in his eyes, replaced by an angry heat as she calls his skills in bed into question. The teasing has become an argument, and you watch as Haechan rises to his feet, ready to face off with the girl, and he likely would have if it weren’t for Shotaro and Renjun stepping in. 

Renjun propels Haechan back into the cabin while Shotaro leads his girlfriend off towards the dark lakeshore. 

“Wow,” Xiaojun whistles beside you. “What the hell was that about?”

Chenle laughs. “Taro and her have something going on, don’t they? And Haechan is jealous.”

You keep glancing towards the house, looking for any sign of Renjun and Haechan returning. It was both a little bit scary and also arousing to watch Haechan get so heated. He had been a little bit of a dick, trying to out the secret couple to everyone, and also for really getting in there with teasing Shotaro. 

You’d once talked about it with Shotaro, and he told you that he usually didn’t mind the teasing, because he knew it was lighthearted and it’s just the way that all of the friends teased each other. But you also knew that sometimes it got taken a bit too far, and it was clear that tonight the scales had tipped more in that direction. Haechan had almost pushed it too far tonight, and you knew he was drunk so his judgment was perhaps a bit impaired in that regard. 

Eventually the happy couple returns to the bonfire, receiving congratulations from your friends, and a while after that Haechan returns. 

You keep looking at him, unable to keep your eyes off of him for too long. The flush has faded from his cheeks, and he keeps drinking water for the rest of the night while he snacks on leftovers from dinner, on s’mores YangYang makes, on snacks that people had brought down from the cabin earlier. 

Slowly everyone turns in for the night until only a few of you remain, the number dwindling down to just you, Xiaojun, Jeno, Mark, Haechan, Shotaro, and Shotaro’s girlfriend. 

Haechan has been moodily staring into the fire for the past fifteen minutes. You’ve been watching him do that while ignoring the way that Xiaojun has his hand resting in the armrest of your chair, palm-up like he wants you to take notice, as if he’s hoping that you’ll take his hand and go into one of the fancy glamping tents that are set up sporadically between the cabin and the lakeshore. 

It’s gotten a lot colder as the night has drawn on. Even with your pants and sweatshirt, with a blanket draped over your lap and the blazing fire, you still feel chilled every time that a lick of wind blows in off the lake. It doesn’t help that your feet are bare, so you pull them up beneath your blanket as you shiver. 

Xiaojun notices of course, and he grabs the blanket someone had left on the chair on his other side, and he covers your lap with it. If you’re this cold that you need a second blanket, you think maybe it’s time that you go inside the warmer cabin for the night. Besides, it’s getting late.

Jeno, who you’re fairly certain has been in a competition with himself for how much he can drink tonight without getting blackout drunk, grins crookedly, and suggests, “Maybe before we head in, we all take a dip in the hot tub?”

“Nah, I think I’m done for the night,” Mark sighs and rises to his feet. “It’s too cold.”

“I’m sure it helps that you’ve got someone new to warm your bed though, I bet, Mark!” Jeno laughs as Mark gets up and starts to walk away. 

You laugh along with the rest, knowing that Jeno’s referring to how Mark and one of the girls had disappeared into the cabin for a while earlier tonight. Mark just flips you all his middle finger. 

To your surprise, it’s the new happy couple on the other side of the fire that agrees with Jeno. Haechan lifts his gaze from the fire, brushing it over the couple, his gaze lingering on her for a moment before he looks at Jeno. Haechan shrugs and agrees, and from there of course you’re going to agree too. Xiaojun, to your complete surprise, decides that he’s just going to head to bed. 

Xiaojun trudges back to the house alone, wishing you all a good night. The five of you follow the path back up to the cabin’s deck, walking around the side of the deck to the hot tub. 

You feel only slightly embarrassed as you watch the others quickly strip their clothes off. Shirts, sweatshirts, pants until they’re left only in their underwear. Haechan at least still had his swim trunks on from earlier today when everyone had been in the lake, so he’s provided a bit more coverage than the rest of you. You feel his eyes dart over to you as you’re the last to let your shirt fall, the last to shimmy your sweatpants down to your ankles, slipping them off along with your socks. 

You’re too aware that the bra and panties you’re wearing are mismatched. Panties white (a horrible choice for wearing into a hot tub, but it’s not like when you’d dressed earlier this evening you’d expected the night to go like this) and your bra just a lacy bralette that hugs your tits and does very little to hide the way that your nipples peak in the cool night air. You quickly step into the hot tub and dunk yourself in up to your chin, hoping the bubbling surface will hide you. 

It doesn’t take long for you to relax. None of them care or notice. Shotaro and his sweetheart are too enamored with each other. Jeno is finally teetering on the edge of dozy drunkenness. Haechan keeps alternating between looking up at the night sky and trying not to look at the girl tucked against Shotaro’s side. He’s sitting beside you though, and his knee keeps nudging yours under the water. 

One of the jets sits between you and Haechan, and it keeps brushing your side and your thigh, tickling you in a way that thrills you more than anything else. A different wet heat builds between your legs, especially when Haechan leans over to laugh at something you’ve said and he rests a hand momentarily on your thigh. 

You try to ignore your desires. To push it all down and tell yourself that you’re being stupid right now. 

But then his arm drapes over your shoulders (and Jeno’s on his other side, but you pretend that doesn’t matter) and all thoughts vanish except for your brain making a static moan at the feeling of his body warm and hard against your side, his fingers resting against your upper arm. His laugh sounds right beside your ear. 

You don’t even remember what it is that all of you talk about. Maybe classes. Maybe finals coming up or plans for the winter break that follows. It’s not until you smile at the cuddly couple across from you, until Haechan tenses up and withdraws his arm from your shoulders that your mind snaps back into place. 

He stands up and you lift your gaze in awe of him. Water drips from his shoulders over his chest and down his stomach to his navel and his hips. The swim trunks hang low on his hips, weighed down by the water soaking them, drawing your gaze even lower. You bite your tongue as you notice the slight bulge in the front of his shorts, and again you feel a pulse of need and want in your core. 

Haechan doesn’t say a word, just climbs out, grabs his clothes and disappears around the corner of the cabin. 

Is that it? He’s done for the night? He’s had enough of the happy couple rubbing it in his face?

You immediately want to follow him, but you give it a few minutes before you bid the others goodnight, and you hurriedly pull yourself from the water, cursing as the bitter air bites in deep. Even once you’ve bundled your dry clothes against your chest and made a run for the back door of the cabin, you’re shivering and wishing one of you had at least thought to grab towels. 

Jeno’s only a few steps behind you. He looks happy as he comes through the door, a loose grin on his lips. He drops his armful of clothes into one of the chairs around the small kitchen table, mumbles a goodnight, and then he vanishes through the doorway that leads to the room several of the guys are sharing tonight. 

There’s a vent blowing warm air positioned right beside the kitchen table, and as a shiver wracks your body, you collapse into one of the chairs right there. You fold your arms on the table, drop your forehead onto your arms, and you try to purge your mind and body of the lust you’re feeling from the sight of Haechan emerging from the hot tub like a sea god. 

It doesn’t work. 

Your mind’s eye keeps honing in on that bulge you’d seen. You’ve heard tales before of Haechan. He’s a little bit of a manwhore at times, slept with plenty of girls you’ve been friends with, so you’ve got some awareness of what he’s like. You’ve got a mental image painted by a very descriptive sex-positive friend of yours majoring in the liberal arts. She has an emphasis in painting and poetry, both of which she has created for almost all of her partners including Haechan. 

So you have a somewhat specific idea of what his dick may look like, and a more general idea of what kind of skills he might possess, and neither of those things are what you need right now when you’re desperately horny and stuck in a house with all of your friends and zero privacy. 

But they are all sleeping, right? Karina and Winter had turned in rather early, so they’re probably deep into REM sleep, so if you just quietly come into the room, maybe you can try to quietly rub one out before sleep. Or you could try to sneak into the shower. It would be nice and warm in there, private too.

Before you can make a decision, you hear the squeak of a floorboard, and the soft sound of bare feet on the floor. You turn your head so you can see who it is. 

Haechan. 

His eyes land on you, a glimmer of surprise and then his face lights up.

“Are you just gonna sleep out here?” He teases. “You know the King bed upstairs is still open if it’s the idea of rooming with Karina and Winter that has you scared to sleep in there.” 

You have nothing against those two. They’re nice and friendly, but you’re not terribly close with them, and when you’d placed your bag on the bottom bunk the previous evening upon your arrival, they’d exchanged looks that made you feel like they’d rather share the room themselves without your presence. Last night had been fine, and it’s not the reason you’re lingering out here at all. 

Haechan looks at you, like really looks at you, and suddenly you remember that you’re still in just your bralette and panties, still clinging wetly and semi-transparently to you. All of you is exposed in that moment. A blush rises hotly to your cheeks as you rock up to your feet. You press your clothes close to your chest again.

“Why is no one sleeping up there?” You ask, glancing at the set of stairs that leads up to the only King bed in the cabin. 

“A few of us played for it last night. Winner got the single room.” He grins, and proudly tells you. “I won. But I’m not tired yet, so you’re definitely welcome to sleep up there if you want.”

Your heart stutters briefly in your chest. “And what about when you do get tired? Where are you gonna sleep then?” 

He shrugs. “That’s a problem for then. I’m gonna head back outside. Fire’s still going so someone should probably keep an eye on it.”

Haechan reaches for the doorknob of the door, and right as it turns in his hand, the words leap out of you: “When you get tired, Haechan….” He turns to look at you, and his eyes are gentle and deep, and you forget your words for a moment. “Uh, well… it’s a big bed. I'm happy to share.”

You’re definitely a little bit in love with the way he smiles then. This slow smile, surprised and leaning a little bit towards a smirk. His eyes sweep over you quickly, from your bare toes curling on the floor up to your face which feels hot right now.

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Haechan says, and then he’s gone, stepping out into the night. 

Goosebumps rise on your skin, and you’re not entirely sure if it’s from the cool breeze that snuck inside or if it’s just a chill running down your spine at your own boldness in inviting Haechan to join you in bed. Maybe not necessarily in the way that you want him, but certainly in more of a way than you’ve had him before. 

Almost as soon as the back door clicks shut again, you’re off, hurrying up the stairs and taking the turn to the King bedroom. The other doors up here are closed, and when you step inside this room, immediately you’re assaulted with the smell of Haechan’s favored fragrance. You’ve asked him before what it is, but you never remember. All you know is that this room now smells like him. 

You close the door behind you, and you don’t even bother to turn on the lights. This room is situated on the corner of the house, and with windows on two of the walls, you’re provided just enough light to see by. The flickering of the firelight barely comes through the window to your left, and the window right ahead of you is filled with the glow of the lights strung through the pergola over the hot tub. 

The bed is still unmade from when Haechan left it this morning. His bag is on the desk, several of his clothes flung around. There’s a door slightly ajar that leads to an en-suite bathroom. You should probably shower again after being in the hot tub, but now that you’re this close to the bed you’re not feeling like doing anything more than just crawling into bed and passing out. 

Before you succumb to the lure of sleep, you take a moment to peek out the window facing the lakeshore and the bonfire. You can see the bonfire still going, see the chairs still circled around it as well as the two fancy glamping tents that no one has used yet, except Xiaojun when he took a nap earlier. 

But you don’t see Haechan. 

You scan the shadows, wondering if you’ve somehow overlooked him. 

And then you notice a shadow stretching across the deck beneath you. A long shadow originating from the corner of the house, just out of sight. It’s definitely a man-shaped shadow, the lights over the hot tub cast the shadow diagonally backwards across the deck until it fades in the light coming from the back door. You notice the shadow isn’t moving, and you’re curious as to why. 

You just barely manage to not stub your toe or trip over anything as you move across to the other window, the one looking down just around the corner of the house. 

A quiet gasp leaves your mouth as you look down at the hot tub below. 

Assuming that it’s Haechan’s stationary shadow at the corner of the house, you can understand why he might be frozen right there. 

Shotaro and his girlfriend are having sex in the hot tub. She’s riding him, his hands all over her body as she moves on top of him. You’re sure if the window was open even a little bit you might be able to hear them. 

Is Haechan down there just watching them? Like a pervert?

That’s gross….

… But you also kind of like it. 

Your mind gets absorbed into a fantasy, imagining him standing there touching himself while he watches his friend fuck the girl Haechan wishes he was fucking. Haechan the voyeur, the pervert, masturbating while watching two of his friends fuck. 

Thinking of that just sends you farther down the path, and you step away from the window, sliding into the bed without delay. 

The sheets definitely smell like Haechan. You slide into the spot where the sheets look most rumpled, rest your head on the pillow that looks slept upon. You bury your nose in the fabric and breathe in, wrapped entirely in that scent that reminds you so much of Haechan. 

Your mind still swirls with the fantasy of him down there touching himself, the images in your mind turn to just Haechan stroking his cock, maybe a scenario where he’d found you alone in the hot tub, touching yourself and he stands beside the tub, jerking off while you make yourself cum on your fingers.

You can’t help yourself when you slide your fingers down your body, dipping them inside your damp panties to touch yourself while you breathe in Haechan, while you let the scent intoxicate you and build your fantasy, although your mind can’t settle on just one. A fantasy where you’re tangled with him right here in these sheets, one where he comes up to go to bed and finds you with your fingers buried in your cunt and his name a chant on your lips, another where you joined him out at the fire to blow him while the crackling heat of the fire warms your back, and one where you’d dragged him into one of those unused tents out there and let him ride your ass until you can’t fucking move tomorrow. 

You cum on your fingers, making your panties just that much wetter as you drip around your fingers and rut your hips against the bed. Your moan of Haechan’s name is muffled against the pillow as you bite down on it and wish that it was his shoulder you were biting. 

Your body goes so relaxed, boneless after your orgasm. You don’t even pull your fingers away, leaving your hand inside your panties as you breathe and wait for your pounding heart to return to normal. The house is quiet around you, though you swear you hear a moan from outside the window. 

You don’t know what drives you to do it, what filthy part of you thinks it’s okay, but once you regain some mobility in your limbs, you slip your hand from your panties. Your fingers are still wet and slick, and you lift them to wipe them on the pillow case, mingling your scent right there with Haechan’s. You breathe it in, and your heart thrills at the combination, the perfect perfume. 

Just as you’re about to roll over, to slide onto the other side of the bed to leave Haechan’s already slept-in side for him again, the door of the room opens. 

You jump slightly. 

“Sorry, it’s just me.” Haechan apologizes. 

You sink back into the sheets on his side of the bed. He closes the door behind him, and you hear his shuffling footsteps cross the floor. You hear the soft whisper of his sweatshirt being pulled over his head,  a similar sound when a moment later he drops his swim trunks. He steps into the en-suite for a few moments, and when he emerges you can just see the shadowy shape of him moving over to his bag on the desk. He pulls out some sweatpants, slips them on and then crosses back to the other side of the bed. 

“You smell like lake water, bonfire smoke, and chlorine,” you mumble as he slides into the bed. Not that it’s a bad thing that he smells like that because even under it all, you can still catch that definite Haechan-scent. You still wish you could pull yourself closer and bury your nose against him, breathing it all in. 

“I’ll shower in the morning,” Haechan says, his words already half-muffled. “You’re on my side of the bed, by the way.”

He shuffles a little closer, and although this bed is big, you’re still very aware of him when his foot bumps against yours. 

“You’re the one that invited me. Guess you should’ve been more specific about where you wanted me.” You flip over onto your side to face him. His eyes gleam slightly in the dim light still coming in from the lights over the hot tub. 

“Next time I’ll make it clear where I want you,” Haechan says. 

You don’t know what exactly he means by that, but you’ll take it as a promise that there will be a next time for you to end up in his bed. 

“Do you want to go on a date with me?” 

Xiaojun asks it so casually that you almost don’t even hear the question. 

Since the camping trip just two weeks ago, you’ve given in to his desires, slipped back into your old ways. Reentering into your friends-with-benefits sort of situation with him. 

You’re currently in the process of extracting yourself from his bed, dressing yourself as you sit perched on the edge of the bed. You pause what you’re doing to look back over your shoulder at him. 

Xiaojun is reclined among the messy sheets, carefree with his sex hair and his bare chest dotted with hickeys and marks left behind by your fingernails. He’s watching you warily. 

“A date?” You ask. He nods. “Where’s this coming from?”

He shrugs. “I just thought maybe it might be nice to hang out just the two of us without it only meaning sex. Plus there’s that Halloween party tomorrow night. Most of our friends are gonna be there. There’s booze, movies, music. It should be fun.” Seeing the apprehensive look on your face, Xiaojun says, “It doesn’t have to be like a date-date. I just want to have someone there to have fun with, y’know? A date for the party.”

You like Xiaojun. He’s hot, handsome, fun. He’s nice too and he treats his dog like his firstborn child which is kinda endearing, but you’re not really into him like in a romantic sort of way. You’re too hung up on Haechan to allow yourself to truly develop feelings for anyone else. And truthfully, that night during the camping trip when you’d shared Haechan’s bed is part of the reason you’d so eagerly thrown yourself back into Xiaojun’s arms. 

You’d woken late the next morning on the trip still in bed with Haechan. Your nose was buried against that spot on the pillow that smelled like you and like him, and you’d maybe let yourself watch him sleep for a few more minutes until you decided that it was creepy to watch him. So you’d left, fleeing down to the kitchen.

Haechan hadn’t even acknowledged you sharing his bed. He’d only spoken a few words to you for the rest of that day, and then that night you hadn’t dared return to that bed, too worried that you would throw yourself at Haechan and be faced with outright rejection or maybe he would accept your horny advances but that’s all it would be. Just sex, like this with Xiaojun. And you might end up heartbroken. 

So you’d turned to Xiaojun. 

Maybe he’s exactly the distraction you need. 

“Do we have to wear costumes?” You weren’t planning to do anything like that this year, and with Halloween only a day away, your choices are probably pretty slim. 

“Please?” He wheedles, giving you a sweet smile. “I’ll make it worth your while.”

The following night, you’re walking arm-in-arm with Xiaojun across the long lawn in front of one of the nicer buildings on campus. The air is rather nippy, so you wish you’d dressed warmer considering this party is outdoors, but at least there are the large bonfires to put off a bit of heat. And Xiaojun is kind and considerate and keeps you close to his side with a jacket draped over your shoulders. 

The jacket kinda ruins your costume but you don’t really care. You came dressed in contrast to Xiaojun’s devilish costume, so you’re an angel tonight, wearing just a short white dress, white shoes, a hastily made halo, and enough sparkly highlighter on your face and collarbones that you seem to glow when any amount of light touches your skin. 

You wander around with Xiaojun for a while, just chatting and strolling around the bonfires, stopping to grab drinks, even briefly dancing together where there’s a DJ. Eventually you find a small cluster of your friends – Renjun, Jisung, YangYang – but you visit with them only briefly before moving on. 

You want some excitement tonight, and you know that Xiaojun had invited you on this not-date with a promise of seeing each other in a non-sexual way. But you want sex. That’s your favorite thing to do with Xiaojun.

So once you’ve led him away from your friends, you pull him around the side of the building that presides over this long lawn where the party is being held. Everyone is too focused on the party being held in front of the building to notice the couple sneaking around the side, so you pull Xiaojun against you as you lean back against the wall, dragging his mouth down against yours for a kiss.

He falls into that easily enough, succumbing to your kiss instantly. But you don’t want just a kiss. You want more.

Xiaojun moans softly when you curl your fingers around his wrist, when you pull his hand to your thigh. You lift the short skirt of your angelic white dress, and you guide his hand higher until his fingers find the soft warmth of your panties. 

“Been thinking about your fingers, Xiaojun.” You press the words against his lips between kisses, begging a little when you say, “Need to feel your fingers inside me. Now.”

“Now?” He repeats, pulling his mouth away. “Here?”

You hum, nodding your head, using your fingers against his to massage them against your clit. Xiaojun just watches you, a curious look on his face when he asks, “Won’t we get in trouble if anyone catches us?

“No, Xiaojun, it’s kinda hot, right?” You tug him forward by the lapels of his jacket. “Please?”

“But what if someone sees?” He looks around, peeking right around the corner to the steps up into the building not so far away at all. Currently there are a few people clustered around the base of the stairs, chatting over their drinks, their laughter loud enough to mask any sounds you might make. They’re so close by, and that thrills you.

You want to know what it feels like to have sex somewhere that you might be caught, somewhere that someone might be able to watch. 

Xiaojun still looks hesitant.

“Look,” you sigh, patting his shoulder lightly. “We don’t have to if you really don’t want to. I just thought it might be something fun and different.”

The way Xiaojun looks at you then tells you a lot without him even having to say any words aloud. He thought tonight might be fun and different too, different than you just wanting to fuck him.

But you’re feeling the urge to do something slightly dangerous tonight, and maybe it’s because ever since that night at the cabin about two weeks ago, all you’ve been thinking about has been the way that Haechan stood down there on the deck, peeking around the corner at Shotaro and his girlfriend. And you’ve wanted someone to watch you. Of course, a part of you kinda wishes it would be Haechan, but when you’ve actually thought about it over the recent days, you’ve realized you really like the idea of anyone watching you.

Maybe you’re an exhibitionist. It’s a new thing that has never occurred to you before, but lately it’s all you’ve been thinking about.

“I can’t.” Xiaojun shakes his head and takes a step back. “I have some… different things that I’m into, but I just can’t get into this. Public stuff is not a thing for me.”

That’s your cue to ask him what is a thing for him? What sorts of different kinks is Xiaojun into?

But you don’t ask because you realize in that moment that you don’t care. This is why you’d ended your friends with benefits relationship the first time around. The sex was generally good and fun, but there were some differences in what you wanted to try out even that first time around. You’d forgotten that.

“It’s fine, Xiaojun. You can leave.” Your words are maybe a little too cold and dismissive, but Xiaojun doesn’t react in any way other than simply walking away, leaving you there around the dark corner of the building. 

You sigh and press your shoulders back against the stone. It’s still slightly warm from the sunlight earlier, though the night air is still sharp against your exposed skin. You don’t care that you’re alone. Maybe you’ll just stand right here and get yourself off. Your clit is swollen, pussy throbbing with need, so all it takes is just that thought that you could get yourself off right here, and your hand is already drifting in that direction.

Your skirt is hiked up around your hips now, and your fingers visibly disappear down the front of your panties. You don’t care what you look like right now with your head tipped back against the wall, the motion of your arm and fingers making it very obvious what you’re doing if anyone were to look this way. You’re playing with your clit, dipping your fingers back to your slit to gather up your wetness, slicking your fingers between the folds and just teasing yourself.

The thin strap of your dress slips down over the curve of your right shoulder. You rock your hips forward against the slide of your fingers.

You’ve never done anything like this before. The closest you’ve gotten was masturbating at your apartment when your bed was in front of the window, but your window didn’t face any neighbors, just a solid, windowless wall of the building next door. Tonight you’re horny and feeling risky and adventurous. Thus, the semi-public masturbation.

Just around the corner, you can hear people talking and laughing. 

You lift your free hand to your chest, palming the curve of your breast, and with the other hand, you finally give your pussy what she really wants. If you can’t have Xiaojun’s fingers, you’ll certainly settle for your own.

There’s not a free hand left to cover your mouth to hide your gasps and small whimpers of pleasure. You bite your lip, but that only works so well as you finger yourself and imagine that it was someone else, or imagine that someone is hiding in those bushes a few feet away watching you, touching himself as he watches you edge yourself closer and closer to orgasm.

That thought makes your pussy pulse hungrily, your breath coming out sharply. You want to pull your dress down, bare your tits so you can touch them properly. You wish Xiaojun hadn’t left you because you would get him down on the ground right now so you could ride him, feel the night air on your skin under the not-so-distant glow of the nearest bonfire. So you do squat down right there beside the building, spreading your legs a bit so you can get a better angle with your fingers buried in your pussy. 

“Fuck,” you moan under your breath. Your ankles wobble, and you lose your balance, flopping down onto your ass, your shoulders come to rest against the wall, but you don’t stop what you’re doing. 

You don’t stop until you feel your orgasm mounting, you don’t stop until it is coursing through you, your head tipped back against the wall, heart pounding, pleasure curling your toes and flushing your skin with sweet heat to combat the night’s chill. 

You gasp then sigh, catching your breath as you slide your fingers out of your panties. You wipe your hand on the grass, drag your dress back down to cover you, and you take a moment to just come back to yourself. You can feel the heat settling under your skin, your panties sticking wet against your pussy lips. Exhilaration at having just done that makes it all the more enjoyable. 

You liked that a lot. 

Getting off in public. 

A branch cracks underfoot nearby, and you look up. 

A police officer is walking across the lawn from the closest bonfire, making for you. He freezes when you get to your feet, then he takes a few wary steps closer. 

When he’s close enough, you realize who the officer is. 

“Haechan?”

He pulls a cocky grin onto his face. “Yes, angel?”

You flutter your hands over your dress, making sure it���s all properly pulled back into place. 

Haechan cocks his head a little to the side. “What’re you doing way over here? By yourself?”

You shake your head. “Nothing. Just needed a moment to breathe.”

“Are you alright?” The look of amusement on his face fades, replaced with one of concern. 

“I’m fine. I promise.” Truly, you’re more than fine after an orgasm like that. “Xiaojun asked me to come with him tonight and I think he’s thinking of this more as a date than just us casually hanging out. I needed a little space from him.”

Haechan watches you, his gaze running over your face and your posture, and you feel like he’s picking you apart, but you’re not exactly sure what it is that he’s seeing. After a moment he just looks away, back over his shoulder to scan the lawn. When his gaze returns to you, he’s back to wearing his cocky expression, “Well, I’m looking for a naughty schoolgirl. Have you seen one come by here?” 

Not recently, but you saw one earlier tonight. You vaguely recognized her as a friend of Mark’s. She’d come around the group a few times, but she wasn’t a regular. 

“Why are you looking for her?” You ask. 

Haechan just grins. “Oh, you know how naughty schoolgirls are. I’m just doing my job as a truancy officer, looking for her to punish her.”

You roll your eyes and walk around him, making it only a few steps back towards the light of the front of the building when Haechan’s hand closes around your wrist. 

“What were you doing over there, little angel? Your ass is covered in dirt.” He laughs, and you halfway twist around to look down. Sure enough, the butt of your white dress has dirt on it, but you can’t really reach it very well. Haechan offers, “Do you want some help?”

The moment that his hand touches your ass, patting to remove the dirt which puffs away in small clouds, you feel your core reignite with hunger. Haechan’s hand comes down again, a light pat that you wish was a bit harder, though at the same time, you’re grateful it’s not any harder or else you would probably moan aloud. As it is, your face feels very warm when Haechan finally takes a step around you.

“There,” he says proudly, “All better. But your halo is a little crooked too.”

He reaches up, readjusting your halo. You take the moment to look at him, to stare at his handsome face, so light with amusement right now. And then he lays a hand on top of your head, right beneath the halo, and his gaze lowers to yours. 

“You make a good angel. Perfect and innocent as you are.” Haechan smiles, a real soft smile. 

“I’m not innocent,” you immediately shoot back. 

He shrugs a little. His fingers pet your hair a bit before he removes his hand. “Well you’re certainly no naughty devil. I’ve never heard any wild stories about you, which makes you an innocent angel in my eyes.”

You frown. 

Haechan just smiles, then says, “Well, I have a naughty schoolgirl to look for, if you’ll excuse me.” He walks away without another look back, and you decide that you’re done for the night. You’re done with this party. You’re probably done with Xiaojun, honestly. And you definitely don’t want to hang around and find out if Haechan is going to find his naughty schoolgirl.

You take the winter break to give yourself the opportunity to put some distance between you and Xiaojun, and some distance between you and your useless crush on Haechan. Most of your friends leave campus for the break, but you hang around to work and get a little bit of a head start on the new semester. It’s your final semester, so in a few months you and most of your friends will be graduating. 

You also take the winter break to explore that side of you that you’d started to see during October. The exhibitionist side. 

You start small at first. 

Going out with no panties, no bra just for the impropriety of it. 

You test the waters by touching yourself while you drive back to your apartment from the grocery one day. You build yourself up very, very slowly. Scared of getting caught, but also thrilled with the idea of someone seeing what you’re doing and maybe them getting turned on too. 

As soon as the semester resumes, you begin taking your exhibitionist thrills onto campus itself. No panties and a short skirt while you’re sitting in class or in the library, legs spread just enough that the students or even a professor could see. You rub one out in the restroom between classes a few times, and you’re almost certain that you were found out at least a couple times by others using the restroom when a moan or other such sound escapes you.

As your last semester begins to tick by, you finally begin taking more risks. Such as a picnic in the park with a guy you’d met online who seemed interested in hooking up and doing it in public. He’d fingered you while he fed you cut up fruits with the other hand, which was really more of an excuse to let you suck on his fingers to keep quiet. Just a one-off because, although you liked the experience, there was something lacking with the guy. 

So you’d tried again with another – a guy that actually did see up your skirt while you were studying late one night at the library, and as soon as you noticed him keep sneaking glances, you decided to tease him. One hand slid down to tease yourself, and when he caught you watching him watching you, you’d silently invited him to join you for a quick fuck in the nearest restroom. Again, the experience was fun, but there was something missing about him.

And then one night you’re over at the rented house of several of your friends. It’s midterms, so everyone’s trying to study together for various classes, or at least trying to drink away the stress. Jeno and Haechan are studying for their Econ exam in the kitchen, taking up the majority of the space although there’s still just enough room for YangYang and Renjun to make a mess in trying to be chefs and bartenders for the rest of you. 

You know that YangYang has already given up on studying for any of his midterms. Renjun already knows that he’s well-prepared. They’re just trying to make sure everyone else is having a good time. Mark, Shotaro, Jaemin, and a few of the girls are in the living room attempting to study with you, but you’re on the verge of giving up for the night. You have a bit of a buzz going on from the boozy drinks that YangYang keeps passing around, and you have a full belly from the snacks Renjun keeps making.

“Should we watch a movie instead or something?” Renjun suggests when Jaemin also complains about being bored with studying.

“Maybe we should all just go to bed.” Jaemin frowns a little as he says it, casting a look first towards his bedroom down the hallway, and then looking towards the kitchen where Haechan and Jeno have just loudly begun bickering over some Econ lesson. 

Shotaro’s girlfriend leans her head on his shoulder. “I agree. I’m tired, and I have a project due early in the morning tomorrow.”

“I told you not to take such an early morning class,” Shotaro teases, slipping his arm tight around her shoulders. He puts on a cutesy tone as he asks her, “Do you want to leave, baby? Should we go?” 

Gross, you think. And then you almost laugh.

You’re grossed out by their cutesy, romantic display of affection in public, and yet you’re the one with actual exhibitionist tendencies. 

Jaemin disappears to bed. Shotaro and his girlfriend leave. Everyone else in the room gives up on studying to instead settle in and watch a movie. You look towards the kitchen again as you settle in comfortably between Renjun and YangYang on the sofa, lights off, movie on. Jeno and Haechan aren’t paying any attention to the rest of you; they’re still in the other room diligently studying, and you can’t help watching Haechan.

He’s clearly frustrated. The glasses he's wearing keep sliding down his nose, his hair is ruffled from him running his fingers through it. He’s pushed the sleeves of his shirt up to the elbow. He’s wearing loose basketball shorts, and he has one foot resting on his chair with his knee bent up which has caused the leg of the shorts to bunch up, revealing so many inches of beautiful bare thigh. 

You’ve been trying so hard to get over this crush you have on him, but right now you’re epically failing. All you can imagine is sitting on the floor beneath that table, licking and biting at his thighs, pulling his dick out of the shorts to suck him off while he continues studying. Give him a reward for behaving so studiously. 

“Hey.”

A finger pokes your cheek.

You return to reality, and the fantasy of having Haechan’s cock in your mouth fades away. Renjun smiles at you. 

“You’re not even watching the movie right now. Is Haechan really that much more interesting?” His voice is just a whisper, but it’s still loud enough that you feel a minor surge of panic. You glance around making sure that none of your other friends have heard, that Haechan couldn’t have possibly heard even though he’s all the way over there in the kitchen. Renjun laughs again, leaning closer until his lips are right against your ear. “Don’t worry. Your secret’s safe with me.” 

“What secret?” You play dumb, and Renjun just rolls his eyes. “Really, Renjun. What secret? I was just staring because, well, if I’m being honest –” Which, for the record, you’re not being honest. “ — their talking is distracting me.” 

Renjun cocks an eyebrow and looks back over towards the kitchen where Jeno and Haechan are sitting in silence, poring over textbooks and notebooks and Jeno’s iPad screen. The only sound coming from them is the scratching of pens on paper. 

You sigh, momentarily letting your gaze wander to Haechan’s thighs as he now brings his other leg up. The shorts on that side also slide down so both of his bare golden thighs are on clear display. Maybe you let out another day-dreamy sigh.

Renjun looks back over at you, a quick up and down. He looks like he doesn’t entirely buy your story. He snorts, “Why don’t you just admit it?”

You know exactly what he’s referring to, but you refuse to admit to him that you have a crush or whatever on Haechan. Not happening. 

“I’d have to be blind to miss that horny gleam in your eye,” Renjun whispers. 

The call-out feels like a wallop to your chest. You actually flinch, struggling to find the words until you eventually mumble, “It’s just been a while, okay? I’m… lonely, Renjun.”

“Don’t worry. I won’t tell anyone.” Renjun promises.

On your other side, YangYang loudly laughs at something that happens on the screen, and you realize there’s no way that he’s paying even the slightest attention to the conversation you and Renjun are having. There’s no way that he notices as you shift yourself a little bit closer to Renjun, and Renjun doesn’t even comment on the way that you reduced the inches of space between you to now just a few centimeters. He turns his attention back to the movie without another word about you staring at Haechan or you confessing to him that you’re lonely. 

You try to watch the movie too. You try to forget Haechan with his beautiful thighs sitting right over there in the kitchen, try to forget the way that in the brief fantasy you’d allowed yourself, you’d somehow made yourself very horny. You try so hard to suppress that horniness, and it works for a little while as you get sucked into the movie.

But then a sex scene comes on. 

The atmosphere in the room changes slightly. 

You shift a little – bunching your hands up in the blanket that covers your lap, you move your legs, shift your weight trying to get a little more comfortable.

Renjun’s hand lands on your thigh. “Settle down,” he murmurs out of the corner of his mouth. 

You look over at him. The way he’s not even looking at you, but still watching the scene playing out on the screen. Then your gaze slides down his arm to the place where his hand disappears beneath your blanket, to the lump beneath the blanket that is his hand on your thigh. Renjun seems to notice your gaze suddenly, and he begins to remove his hand.

His head snaps around towards you the moment that your hand covers his, keeping his palm flat against your thigh. You make eye contact, and his lips part slightly. His eyes dip down to your lap before sweeping around the room to make sure that no one is looking, and then his eyes settle on your face. 

You nod, squeeze his hand.

YangYang sits just half a foot away from you on your left side. Blissfully unaware as Renjun’s hand begins inching up your thigh, as his fingers trace along the center seam of the athletic shorts you’d worn over here tonight. On the small loveseat perpendicular to your sofa, Mark and one of the other girls sit entirely oblivious even when Renjun lets out a tiny gasp of surprise when his fingers dip inside your shorts and find that you’d foregone panties tonight. The other two girls are stretched out on their bellies on the floor, and they don’t have any clue that you spread your legs a little wider, casually draping one over Renjun’s leg to open yourself up for him to touch you in the presence of all of your gathered friends.

You can’t believe Renjun is doing this. Yeah, you’ve heard a couple stories about him, but nothing like this. Just a few tales about him, but none of the handful of stories had mentioned him having any interest in anything like this.

His eyes shine in the light coming from the screen when you reach a hand of reciprocation over into his lap. Unlike you, Renjun is wearing underwear, but that doesn’t get in your way too much. Soon you have him in your hand, and he’s circling his fingers at your clit. 

You both touch each other, taking it slow and building up that tension and heat. You want to keep it unnoticeable, but also you feel a zing of excitement when you think about YangYang beside you or your friends on the floor or the other sofa. Of course, it’s when you think about Haechan looking over from the kitchen that your body buzzes a little more extremely. You imagine him looking this way and seeing the way that you’re leaning your head on Renjun’s shoulder now, staring at the movie playing on the screen without really seeing it; him noticing Renjun’s hand disappearing beneath your blanket, noticing your leg draped over Renjun’s, noticing the way that you’re both moving your arms slightly, both a little flushed in the face, lips parted and eyes glazed.

It’s that thought of Haechan looking over, seeing everything and knowing what you’re doing, him getting hard and watching because he’s a pervert like that. That is what makes you cum around Renjun’s fingers. Your thighs snap shut around his hand, and it’s only by nearly biting through your lip and through sheer will that you keep from moaning.

Renjun keeps his fingers moving, stroking that soft spot inside you that makes your belly tingle even more. You can feel the way that your pussy is dripping around his fingers, and as soon as your thighs relax around his hand, Renjun slides his hand out of your pants, out from beneath the blanket.

His fingers shine with your wetness, and when he pulls his fingers apart, you can see your stickiness there. And then Renjun brings his fingers up to his lips. He makes direct eye contact with you as he licks his fingers, then as he stuffs them into his mouth to clean them up. You’ve halfway forgotten that you’re meant to be jerking him off as well, but his free hand drops down to cover yours on his cock, getting your hand moving again while he sucks the taste of you from his fingers.

And just like that, Renjun cums too. You can only just barely hear the sound of a slight groan escaping from around his fingers. His cum pulses sticky and warm over your hand, dripping down your fingers, slicking your palm as you smear it around his leaking tip. 

Your hand is still around his cock when you lift your head from Renjun’s shoulder to touch your lips to his ear so you can whisper, “Next time, I want to ride you. Okay? Right here, like this.”

Renjun visibly swallows, his throat bobbing. “I don’t know about that.”

He reaches down, pulling your hand away from his cock, out from beneath the blanket. He doesn’t look at you, and it’s not like you really have feelings for Renjun or that you’re super attracted to him, but his rejection still stings a bit. He quickly stuffs his cock back into his pants, stands up, and heads upstairs. 

Renjun doesn’t come back.

You wipe your hand clean on the back of the little throw pillow tucked on your end of the sofa. You lay down over Renjun’s abandoned spot, stretch your feet out into YangYang’s lap, which makes him frown over at you slightly. He doesn’t move your feet though, so you lay your head on the throw pillow that you just wiped Renjun’s cum on the back of, and you watch the movie.

The two girls on the floor say that they’ve got to leave when that movie ends. Mark puts on the sequel to the movie you’d just watched. Still Renjun doesn’t return. Still Haechan and Jeno study in the kitchen, conversing in low voices. Halfway through that movie, the girl sitting with Mark falls asleep, and when he carefully lifts her into his arms to carry her upstairs to his bedroom, you remember that they started officially dating recently. 

YangYang moves over to the empty loveseat now that it’s empty, giving you the entire sofa to stretch out on. You fall asleep before this movie even ends, replaying the fun with Renjun, but wishing too that someday you’ll be able to sit on the sofa surrounded by friends with someone’s cock buried inside you, all of your friends none the wiser. 

previous chapter || next chapter

a/n: she's a little bit of an experimenting exhibitionist lol, just as much a pervert as Haechan honestly, though I don't think she realizes it yet. As I said a while back when I was posting about my writing process with this series, this is definitely a slowburn that gets there eventually, like obviously if she's trying to start something with xiaojun and then with renjun it might take a minute for that burn to really get going between her and haechan, but hang in there for the ride! I hope you enjoy it!

[carolmunson]

baby, as if (the flashbacks)

the flashbacks: part one. baby as if: masterlist (read with caution.) i looked at that poll and i said 'absolutley not, you'll take what i give you.' jk, but i realized it'll just be easier for me if i take this a few chunks at a time, so i give you the beginning of 'the flashbacks'. here, you'll see eight, six, and five and a half years ago. a little entry way into how reader and (not so) f!boy eddie met and started getting involved. tw: 18+, oral (f recieving), not much in terms of tws for this entry, discussions of drugs and drug dealing -- otherwise pretty fluffy. our timeframe setting starts out in 2007-ish. (take all actual year timelines with a grain of salt, i just like incorporating the early aughts into shit.) but here we go, i give you the beginning of baby as if: the flashbacks.

8 Years Ago You didn't really know each other when he started working at the shop. Your dad had mentioned 'my daughter' in passing, but you didn't go to Hawkins High or middle, you went to the highschool in the next town over using your aunts address because it was a better school. Your parents didn't want you to end up stuck like them, but you'd already beaten them by not getting pregnant at nineteen. He knew you went to college in Fort Wayne to study English -- he thought that was stupid since you spoke English already. Why would you have to spend all that money to study it? That didn't make sense to him.

He did know your little brother, Beau, often found small and sugar high at the end of a long day at kindergarten being dropped at the shop by your mom so she could take more clients at night in the salon. Eddie would take the morning shift on cars and then the afternoon shift as a baby sitter until the shop closed at 5:30. He'd take that time to teach him how to read -- but only the best books. He started with the Hobbit and went from there.

On one particular hot summer night, your mom didn't come by to drop off your brother which made sense since it was the summertime -- but he still heard the pitter patter of his light up sneakers against the concrete floor.

"Beau, don't run please!"

He hadn't heard that voice before, it wasn't nearly as nicotine soaked as your mom's or your aunt's. Eddie feels the slam of a tiny skull against his mid thigh and looks down to see Beau looking up at him with his big baby eyes.

"Hi," Beau says -- breathless in the way little kids are when they run or take a big gulp of water. He reaches up at him with his arms over his head, "I didn't wanna go home yet so I asked sissy if she could take me here after camp."

"Sissy?" Eddie asks with a quirk of his brow, hoisting him up onto his hip, "You're gettin' big dude, I don't know if I can keep pickin' you up."

"My sissy," he says, pointing over to the office your dad normally spent the afternoons in, but there you were right outside of it. Summer sun soaked, shorts tight over your thighs, run down sneakers and an old weathered sweatshirt completed your look. Eddie gulped at the sight of you but you were too preoccupied with your phone to pay attention.

"Mumma, can you tell Eddie about the dragon I saw at the zoo?" Beau asked, shimmying down Eddie's body to get back down on the floor to run to you.

"Okay kid, is she your sister or is she your mom?" Eddie asked, trying to hide confusion and surprised. You look up at him with a gaze that immediately makes him feel stupid, but intruiged.

"Ew, no, I'm definitely his sister," you answer while snapping your phone closed, hand falling onto Beau's head, "Can you guess which one of us was the mistake?"

Your playful grin makes him laugh, "Sorry, he called you mom so -- I just didn't know."

"Don't worry -- it's sorta like when you accidentally call your teacher 'mom' when you're a kid. He just gets confused," you shrug and introduce yourself before asking, "What's your name?"

"I'm Eddie. I uh --"

"Oh! You watch Beau when he's out of school!" you interrupt, "He talks about you all the time."

"You're not telling him about the dragon, sissy," Beau whines and squirms, "I seen a dragon today."

"You saw a dragon today, B," Eddie corrects, "I saw, not I seen."

"Still seen one," Beau crosses and uncrosses his arms with a dramatic eye roll, already bored with the conversation enough to scurry over to another co-worker.

"He saw a bearded dragon lizard at the zoo today," you smile.

"I swear he's five going on fifteen with all that attitude," Eddie says with an exasperated sigh through puffed out cheeks, "Gives me a run for my money..."

You laugh a little out of your nose and flip your phone open, he's stunned at how fast you text. Your thumbs flying over the keyboard of your Sidekick iD. All he had was some Nokia burner from Rick and an iPod he stole at the gym.

"Uh, your dad's in there, by the way. Like, you can just go in," he says. His coverall feels too hot and scratchy, noticibly concious of how much is pools around his sinewy frame. He doesn't look like a man the way the other guys who work here do, he doesn't really feel like one either. Too soft. Too gentle. Even when he was lugging around tires and getting into fights at The Hideout.

"He's on the phone," you scrunch your nose while you point at the door, keys in your hand jingling. He thinks about what you'd do if he reached forward and tapped his finger on it. If he traced down the bridge gently. You look so touchable.

"How come I've never seen you around before? I've been here like, almost a year," he says, running the rag that was over his shoulder through his hands to occupy himself.

"I'm not around a lot, normally in Fort Wayne 'cause I go to school there. I stay with a friend and work at the school over the summer to make some money," you explain, "Trying to save up for my own place."

"Oh, cool," he nods, swallowing the disappointment in his tone. Of course you don't want to stick around this shit hole town. You have better things to do. You're literally in college.

"What's your SN? I'll add you to my buddy list and tell you all the weird shit Beau says this weekend," you giggle.

"What's an SN?" Eddie asks, throat running dry. Is this some kind of joke? Are you trying to make fun of him or something? "SN? Your screen name?" you reply, cocking your head when he still doesn't know what you mean, "Like your AIM screen name?"

"Oh!" he says, embarrassment continuing to creep up on him, "Like, on the computer? We um -- I don't have one at home so I never really signed up for it."

"Oh," you say softly, nodding, "Um, well like, what's your number then? Gotta keep up with Beau's replacement older sibling."

He internally gags when you refer to him as your replacement. Did you already put him in that catergory? The friendzone? That's what they called it at the comic book store when they had their D&D nights and just talked about girls.

"Here," you say, handing the phone out to him with the 'New Contact' page up. He takes it, albiet shakily, unsure if Rick would want him to be giving out his number to just anyone -- but you're so cute and girls never ask for his number. Not even after they hook up with him in his van outside of the bar. Rick would understand.

"Thanks, it's saved under Eddie M," he replies sheepishly, "In case you know any other Eddies."

"I don't," you smile, "But I'll keep the M."

The door to the office opens and your dad appears, tired and disheveled but glad to see you.

"Hey kid, where's the gremlin?" he asks you gruffly.

"I don't know, probably doing something illegal," you shrug, but the pitter patter of light up sneakers on concrete starts up again across the garage.

"Let's go, buddy," he says while Beau leaps up into his arms.

"That was a big jump dude. What, are you half spider monkey or something?" Eddie teases.

"We saw them at the zoo, today!" he calls out, before turning to his dad, "And I also saw a dragon."

"That's very cool, you'll have to draw me a picture when we get home," he says with a nod before putting his attention on Eddie.

"I'm gonna head out, but are you good to lock up here with Mark?"

"Yeah, for sure," Eddie nods. A smile spreads across his lips, maybe you'll think he's important or something, "It was um...it was nice to meet you."

"Nice to meet you, too," you say softly while you head toward the door with your dad. He tries not to look, but there's something about the way your cut off shorts hug your ass that has heat rushing to his cheeks.

You turn back as the door is about to close behind you and grin, "I was the mistake, by the way. I'll shoot you a text after nine!"

You do text him after nine.

'heyyy. how r u? :)'

No one ever really asks.

Six Years Ago

He didn't mean to fall for you, but how could he not? Your weekly to bi-weekly phone calls during your senior year of college were all he looked forward to. Outside of pay day and parties at Rick's. And D&D campaigns. And shows at The Hideout. You were up there, you were top ten. He swore it. 

He knew when you came home for winter break last year, helping your parents bring Beau to swimming lessons and indoor soccer. It started with small, yearning, glances when your daddy would invite him home for dinner, or you'd drop off lunch for the guys. Soft little flicks of brown eyes from under envious full lashes to watch you watching him, leaning over his work bench to ask him a question for your dad. Watching you live your life in your family’s small house while he ate brisket and showed Beau how to do shading in his coloring books. He nearly died when you grabbed his hand in the kitchen, manicured nails dancing over the new burnished silver jewelry on his fingers and asked, ‘Are these new rings? Where’d you get them?’ 

He'd survey you while you helped your brother with his math homework when your mom was busy with her fourth haircut that night -- your aunt who wouldn't pay her and your dad too burnt out to do anything but drink in front of the TV in his recliner. 

"Oh, no, that's not right," Eddie pipes up gently. You looked up at the sound of his words, sitting across the kitchen table while you stood over your brother's shoulder. 

Eddie blushes, scrunching into his shoulders, "Sorry, sorry, it's just, you're a little off -- when you're converting ounces to pounds you--" 

"I don't need you to teach him about grams, ounces, and pounds, Munson," you say softly, a little giggle escaping your chest. He flushes deeper than before, "I think he's a little young for that." Everyone knew what Eddie did on the side, it didn’t take much to find out what he always had hidden away in his beat up backpack. Your daddy said that it taught him good entrepreneurial skills and as long as he wasn’t getting into trouble or selling to kids, he was fine to work at the shop until the cops came knocking – and they never did. 

"Sorry, I just -- Just because it says 5 doesn't mean it's a half pound. 5 ounces isn't a half pound, it's like a 'gotcha' question," he explains. Your brother's eyes are glued to Eddie, his cool rings and long hair, his leather jacket, the soft stubble on his chin. Eddie was the coolest guy your brother had ever met, so if it meant he had to learn weight conversion from a drug dealer, then so be it. He'd listen to him before he’d listen to you. 

"How many ounces are in a pound, bud?" he asks. 

"Sixteen," your brother replies. 

"What's half of sixteen?" 

"Eight." 

"You're so sharp, dude," Ed encourages, "You should skip second grade, for real."

"So even though it says point five, it's actually eight ounces? Not five ounces?" your brother asks, pencil tracing over the question on his work sheet. 

"Exactly," Eddie grins, "See, you get it." 

He meets your eyes for your approval and when you nod, running a hand over your little brother's head comfortingly, he has to hide the giddiness on his face in his hands. 

"How come Eddie's good at math and you're not?" your brother asks. You laugh, Eddie's snort comes out from behind his hands, dancing through his silver rings. 

"I haven't taken a math class in a while, Eddie does math every day," you say, like a kindergarten teacher trying to explain bomb drills. 

"How come?" 

"Oh, um," you look at Eddie, his flushed cheeks and boyish smile, "He's just -- Eddie's really smart."

You stayed out in Fort Wayne for six months after graduation until your mom got let go at the salon. 'Making room for new talent', they'd said. She'd developed joint pain, recurring carpal tunnel -- she couldn't do as much as she used to. So, like every good first born, you moved back home to help out -- taking whatever job you could find. At first it felt bad to be back in your childhood bedroom, forced back into the mundanity of the world around you. The embarrassment of running into people you knew at the mall or getting gas. But at least one thing was fine, you got to see Eddie -- and he was kind of exciting. Way more exciting than your job at the diner you picked up back in May. It worked out fine, you guess. You'd have mornings off some days to take Beau to school and to soccer, or baseball, or whatever sport he was into that season. Your mom would do hair in the kitchen for the older ladies -- roller sets, perms, colors. She could take her time with them, they had no rush. Then you'd leave for the diner when Beau came home and your mama would take more clients in the evening. Your daddy would be home at five thirty to take on the heat. 

Things were easier on your parents when Eddie started coming around to keep Beau occupied. The second grader had a lot of energy, even after sports practice or game days. Eddie's personality matched his in intensity -- always finding new ways to keep him engaged in his homework, in his reading, in the way he navigated the world. Beau was at a fourth grade reading level by the end of the school year and whipping through math like he was born to know it. Your daddy started taking Eddie to boxing matches and monster truck shows with Beau. Your daddy started to forget you were there, too. 

Except when Eddie’s big brown eyes started to linger a little too long at you one night when you were at work.

“Munson, I’m old. I’m not stupid,” your dad’s voice grumbles like a bad engine when he talks, “You wanna ask my daughter on a date, don’t you?” 

Eddie sputters into his orange soda, smattering it onto Beau who throws into a fit of giggles. 

“Uh – what?” he gasps, “Sir, I – excuse me?” 

“I see how you’ve been lookin’ at her since you saw her two summers ago,” he shakes his head, coughing a cigarette cough into his fist, “You’ve got the most love sick eyes I’ve ever seen.” 

Eddie can’t help the blush that grows in his cheeks, “Sir, I dunno about that.”  “Everyone knows you have a huge crush on sissy, Ed,” Beau says matter of factly, taking a big gulp of his chocolate milk. Ed reaches for the cup as he goes for a second gulp and eases it out of his hands. “Slow down, kid,” he huffs, “And gross, dude. Girls have cooties.” 

“Sissy has her cooties shot,” Beau shrugged, “She told me when I said there’s no way you liked her, ‘cause girls have cooties.” “Did sissy ask if I told you I liked her?” Eddie asks with a smile. Beau smirks and giggles, tiny teeth shining back at his dad – he’s a troublemaker but he’s no good at keeping secrets. Your dad smirks into his coffee mug, too.

“Did she ask you if I liked her?” Eddie’s heart pounds in his chest when your dad nods at his question. 

“Did um – did she say if she liked me?” he stammers out. He pressed his tongue to the roof of his mouth to squeeze out any remaining moisture as he saw you walk out of the kitchen to one of your tables. Two regulars, construction guys -- Bryan and Charlie, always come in at the same time and always tip big cause they think you're pretty. Eddie hates that he hates when you talk about them -- you aren't his, it shouldn't make him so upset. He smiles to himself for a minute when you press a hand to your lower back, scrunching your face in pain. He can tell it’s because you always pop your hip to one side when you take an order. 

“She might’ve mentioned something,” your dad shrugs, “But I asked you a question, kid.” 

The sticky heat from outside flows in through the door and into his chest, “Am I allowed to ask her on a date?” 

“She’s twenny-two, she can do what she wants,” he laughs, “Just don’t have her coming home in a cop car and you got my blessing.” 

“I promise I won’t have her come home in a cop car,” he breathes out. His excitement outweighs his embarrassment when you come over to the table. To him, your diner dress fits you just right. To you and your dad, you wished it was a little looser. He swallows hard when you plop your hands on the linoleum and lean forward on your palms. Your manicured nails click on the plastic when you drum them a few times, the pen in your hand shines.

“Anything else I can get you boys?” you ask with a smile. 

“I think we’re heading out, pum’kin,” your dad’s jagged grin shines through his eyes while Beau crawls over Eddie to get out of the booth, “Gotta take this rugrat to the movies for his friend’s birthday party.” 

“But um,” your dad chuckles while he stands up, stretching a bit before adjusting his biker vest, “I think Ed’s gonna stick around. Said he had somethin’ to ask you.” 

Five and ½ Years Ago Money flows when he makes it. Your first date was to the movies, nervous hand holds on your knee – uncertain arm around your shoulder. He smelled like Suave body wash and cigarettes. Your second to some restaurant out of town, he stumbled over his drink order and yours but it made you giggle in a way that made him giggle too. He wore a ‘nice’ shirt that Wayne let him borrow but he shifted in it all night – rolling up the sleeves and opening up the collar. Some chicken scratch tattoos on his forearms. He kissed you in the van with warm full lips and smiled all the way home. But as the months went on and Rick started giving him bigger plays, bigger bricks to move – two years in the trenches had his seeing stacks he had only dreamed of before. You got to reap the benefits. A pair of earrings, nicer dinners, paying for your manicures every now and again. New tattoos on his arms, on his chest, littered in them – good ones too, he’d go out to Ohio for them. He’d work his shifts at the garage with your dad and then on some nights and weekends do his business. Your daddy still looked the other way, if the cops weren’t knocking then it didn’t matter. Eddie was making you happy, he was making everyone happy, so there wasn’t any reason for him to worry. You spent your shifts at the diner thinking about when he’d come pick you up. Thinking about when he’d come in during your opening shifts and flirt with you while he had a cup of coffee – sometimes in his coveralls, sometimes in his clothes from the night before. He smelled good, new colognes – he got a couple. You liked the one he wore on date nights and loved the one he wore during the day. Got some silver chains to match his rings – subtle upgrades. He’d started to fill out some – making more money, eating more, more muscle, more cash, more confidence – still yours. Still lovesick. ‘The most lovesick eyes I’ve ever seen.’  

His hair tickled your thighs while he had you splayed out on the mattress in Rick’s guest room, the ‘welcome to the weekend’ party still raging down stairs as the night begins to approach the early hours of the morning. Perks of living on the outskirts of town – no neighbors to call the cops to tell you to shut the fuck up. The thud of the music makes the walls vibrate, putting you in a steady trance in the dark. The joints you were passed earlier had made their claim, body languid and floaty — he could have you just how he wants you. 

“Fuck, you taste so good,” he whispers into the crease of your thigh while his hands push your knees apart further. His tongue is his best feature, and he knows it now. Easily his strongest muscle with the way it’s started to get him in and out of anything. Sweet charm turned as silver as his rings as he got more and more successful, more and more of Rick’s approval. His tongue lies flat in slow intentional drags between your legs, spit pooling out in its wake. He likes to take his time here to build you up, your soft ‘hm’s encouraging him to keep his pace.

“It’s nice like that, huh?” he asks gently, pressing a kiss to your clit, “Using my tongue on you?”

“Yeah,” you breathe out, eyes closed and sleepy. His head pokes up from between your legs when he notices your body reacting less and less to his mouth. Your sounds get progressively quieter, losing enthusiasm.

“Hey, you okay?” he asks, crawling up over you. 

“Mhm,” you respond, eyes still shut. 

“You fallin’ asleep on me?” he laughs, thumb coming up to run over the side of your head, “You little lightweight.” 

Your lips stretch into a smile, the weight of your high pressing you further into the mattress. Each time you take a breath you feel yourself falling further and further away, it’s almost scary until it's not – because he’s there. You feel the pad of his index finger run down the bridge of your nose and slide over your bottom lip. He quietly eases off the bed, grabbing your panties and jeans from the floor to put them back on with the finesse of a person who’s had to redress their passed out friends many times before. You’re almost out like a light when he drapes the throw blanket over your legs, adjusting it to slouch messily over your shoulders. You barely feel the kiss he leaves on your forehead. 

“I love you,” he whispers, before heading back down stairs for a drink. You wake up to the music still blaring downstairs, mouth dry and disoriented – realizing that what woke you up is the sound of the door opening. 

“Hey sleepy, didn’t mean to wake you,” Eddie whispers, wincing a bit as the music gets louder. He closes the door with his hip, clicking on the overhead light making you both squint, “Well, technically I did, but I didn’t mean to wake you up like this. I brought you some food, baby.” Heat rushes to your face at the name. Baby. No one had ever called you that before. Not other hookups or boyfriends - always ‘babe’, never ‘baby’. Always ‘babe’, never ‘angel’, never ‘sweetheart’, never ‘my girl’. Eddie called you every sweet name he could think of. “Thank you,” you smile, eyes falling on the ringed hand cradling a paper plate with two slices of pizza, dripping in grease. The other held a can of Pepsi that he watched your eyes fall on for a brief moment.

“They didn’t have Coke, m’sorry,” he scrunches his nose, leaning in to give you a kiss while he places the plate and can on the side table, clicking on the lamp. 

“That’s okay, this is fine,” you smile, he smiles back while clicking the big light back off. He crawls onto the bed next to you, the warmth of him enveloping you in his scent, his body heat, his essence. Things moved fast since your first date. You’d never felt loved like this, you’d never been kissed how he kissed you. It’s like he wrote the schematics for your body and kept them a secret until the day you let him touch you in the back of his van. The day you let him take you in your bedroom when your parents went to watch Beau’s baseball game. Even his stare made you flustered. Eddie would say the same about you. Gareth and Jeff would label it as lovedrunk, Rick said he was more addicted to being with you than he was to making him money. Sandra at the diner said he’s obsessed. Obsessed with you. It had a nice ring to it. 

“Thank you again,” you nod, cracking open the can of Pepsi that soothes your dry mouth instantly. 

“Anything for you,” he smiles while his hand reaches to yours, pressing a kiss to your knuckles.

“I heard what you said, by the way,” you smirk, “When you left the room.” 

His face somehow blanches and fumes red like sweet cherries at the same time, “You weren’t supposed to.” 

“Didn’t want me to know that you love me?” you tease, shoulder bumping him with a laugh. He doesn’t laugh back, he just looks at you with soft eyes – big and brown, begging. 

“Is that stupid?” he asks softly, disappointment weighing heavy on his tongue. 

“No! No! It’s not stupid,” you quickly assure, “No, I um –” You smile down into the can of Pepsi, manicured nails on your opposite hand drumming on the aluminum. “I love you, too,” you whisper, “I was nervous that maybe it was too soon. I didn’t like…I didn’t wanna scare you.” “Scared by my girl saying she loves me? Nah,” he shakes his head, teeth gleaming in a smile that hurts his cheeks, “That’s the best shit I’ve heard all year.” “Why don’t you eat first,” he starts huskily, taking your Pepsi can and placing it on the side table. The cologne on his skin had mixed pleasantly with tobacco, enveloping you in sandalwood, fruit, and smoke. His lips were plush as he pressed first against the corner of your mouth and then the other, holding his index finger in the center of yours. He nuzzled your nose gently before easing himself into a deep kiss, index finger tracing down your cheek. “As I was saying,” he starts again, a light giggle floating out of his chest and escaping pink cheeks, “Why don’t you eat first and then maybe we can go to mine and I’ll show you how much I love you.” “What about Wayne?” you ask, looking at his distorted face with your foreheads so close together. He steals a quick kiss from you again, another on your cheek. “Wayne’s staying close to the plant to do a morning shift, so he won’t be home until tomorrow night,” he grins, “We can play house all day tomorrow.” 

“You’re stupid,” you laugh, leaning back to take the pizza off the side table to take a bite. “What? You don’t wanna be my baby all day?” he gets on his knees on the mattress to lean into you, lips finding their way to your cheek and jaw. You squirm under his touch, a feather light gasp coming out of your mouth when he nips at the spot at the top of your neck. “What’s got you so flustered, hm?” he teases into your ear, his ringed hand trailing up your thigh. Your hand covers his and he stops his journey, pulling back a little. “Nothing bad, s’just – I really like it when you call me baby,” you hide your face with one hand, “I don’t think I’ve said that before. It’s just really nice.”  “Baby,” he pours out like warm syrup, it sounds so natural in his nicotine soaked voice. He pulls your hand away, smattering slow soft kisses across your cheeks. Mumbling between each one, “Baby, baby, baby.”

[tip-top-cloud-surfer]

The Daggers and Their (Secret) Kids

Word Count: 3.9k in total (About 0.5k per Dagger)

Summary: Headcanons about the families that the seven Daggers could have had going into TGM with, since there's nothing about their families mentioned in the movie.

Warnings: Pregnancy, Various Family Dynamics (Extra Warnings and Title Above Each Dagger; Read Them Before Proceeding), No Use of Y/N or "You", All Third Person POV, Kids are named but Partners are not, No Description about Partner's Appearances

Specific Warnings:

Rooster - Teen Pregnancy and Divorce

Phoenix - Referenced Minor Character Death

Bob - Infertility

Coyote - G-LOC Incident Referenced

Fanboy - Strained Relationship and Single Parenting

This work, all of my other works, and my entire blog are 18+ Only.

Master List

Rooster [Co-Parenting] [CW: Teen Pregnancy, Divorce]

Rooster has one son, who he named Nick after his dad

When he was eighteen and angry because Maverick pulled his papers, he ran to his high school girlfriend for comfort. They took a camping trip together to let off steam. And nine months later, Nick was born.

Rooster knew that he was in deep shit, especially because his girlfriend’s parents became outwardly hostile towards him after finding out about the pregnancy. So, he quickly enlisted in the Navy and they got married for the benefits.

It wasn’t a happy marriage. The stress of being teen parents and the separation because of Rooster’s job sapped out any of the affection that they had for each other. It was a marriage of duty and convenience, which became apparent whenever they were actually together. Rooster’s wife stayed close to her parents to have help with Nick. Rooster didn’t love being far away from his son, but he knew that the arrangement was best for Nick.

Their marriage lasted about six years. It was a tense but relatively amicable divorce. Rooster’s now ex-wife got primary custody since he was active-duty and Rooster never missed a child support payment. He usually paid more than he was mandated since he felt guilty that he wasn’t there for his son like he wanted to be.

Despite the distance and the divorce, after a few years of time apart and some personal growth, Rooster and his ex-wife developed a strong co-parenting relationship. He even attended her second wedding. Rooster is in constant communication with her and Nick, though he rarely brings up his son or divorce to his fellow aviators.  

Nick has a great relationship with Phoenix. She’s really the only person from his dad’s side of the family that he has ever met and he looks up to her. They email and text regularly, usually when Nick needs advice and he doesn’t want to ask his parents. Like when he needed advice on how to ask a girl out. Phoenix sent him step-by-step instructions and the girl said ‘yes.’ Rooster still doesn’t know about that.

Maverick knows about Nick, but never had the chance to meet him. He’s friends with Nick’s mom on Facebook and regularly prints out photos of Nick for his wall of memories. Especially the baby photos because that was the most painful time of the whole process. Maverick reached out to Bradley when he found out about Nick, but Rooster never returned his calls. So, Maverick settled for the photos, even if it killed him on the inside.

However, after the mission, Rooster brings Maverick to meet Nick for the first time.

They spend a weekend all together up at the hangar. Nick sees the old photos of Goose and Carole and asks Maverick for stories about them. Maverick takes Nick up in the P-51 and Rooster nearly has a heart attack after watching Maverick pull aerobatics with Nick. Rooster makes Nick swear to not tell his mom about that. Or the stunts that they were pulling on the Kawasaki. Rooster finds a patch of grey hair on his head after that weekend.

Hangman [Girl Dad]

Hangman, to everyone’s shock, is actually married with three little girls.

He met his wife while visiting his brother at UT Austin and they quickly fell in love. They were long-distance for most of their relationship before their engagement, which came with its own challenges, but they made it work.

They got married after Hangman graduated from flight school and moved out to Lemoore together. The first years of their marriage were difficult, to be sure. But they were very good with communicating and still very much in love with each other. Anyone who saw them knew instantly that they were soulmates. And most people were impressed that anyone could rein in Hangman so successfully.

After Jake went to Top Gun, they decided to start trying for a baby. Within a year, Jake’s wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby girl that they named Meira, which means ‘light.’ Jake missed the birth and still, to this day, beats himself up about that. It was actually the deployment that he got his air-to-air. While everyone else was congratulating him, he was in a silent, personal hell about it. He was pretty sure that he never cried harder in his life.

When he got home, he didn’t put his daughter down for seven hours. His wife had to convince him that he had to go to bed and that Meira would sleep better in the crib. He disagreed, but he listened to his wife.

Every second that he’s home, he’s spending it with his family. There’s nothing more important to him than them. He doesn’t tell anyone that he doesn’t trust about them. Coyote, however, is always around the Seresin house. Meira has a coyote stuffed animal from him that she absolutely adores. Coyote insists that he’s her favorite uncle.

When Meira turns two, Hangman’s wife finds out that she’s pregnant again. And this time . . . it’s twins. She finds out while Jake is deployed and manages to get him on a personal phone call while he’s docked in Japan. Jake is shocked before making a sly comment about his virility. His wife warns him against making jokes like that when she’s around.

He makes it back in time for the twins’ birth. Evelyn was born first and Delilah was born three minutes later. They looked identical and Jake swore that he was going to mix them up and forever ruin their lives, but the doctors assured them that a lot of newborns look the same. With time, the twins’ features came in more and it was easier to tell apart.

After the twins were born, his wife sets up a vasectomy appointment for him. And even though he goes ghost white when she tells him, he goes through with it. After watching the twins’ delivery, he knows that he doesn’t have a leg to stand on. Coyote took a very hilarious video of Jake waddling out of the office after the operation, holding ice to his balls.

After the mission, when Meira is about three and the twins are a few months shy of one, Hangman introduces them to the Daggers. Everyone, save for Coyote, is absolutely shocked. But Jake is simply smug and proud of his little family.

Meira makes fun of Rooster’s mustache. Jake had never been prouder.

Phoenix [Aunt Turned Mom] [CW: Minor Character Death]

Phoenix’s ‘child’ wasn’t actually her biological child

Her older brother Oliver had a baby girl named Riley. However, after a car accident, Riley was orphaned at the age of two. Phoenix’s parents got primary custody of Riley and Phoenix stepped up to try and be there for her niece as well as she could. She wasn’t exactly a maternal figure and she knew that, but she wanted Riley to know that she was loved.

She sent Riley a postcard from wherever she was stationed and always bought her niece the funniest most-tourist-trap-like nick-nack that she could find in whatever port or town she was stationed. Phoenix’s dad eventually built Riley a display case for them. The postcards are all protected in a box in the display case as well

Phoenix doesn’t talk about Riley with anyone. Frankly, it’s hard enough seeing her brother’s face on the little girl that had to grow up without him and she doesn’t want to delve into that with anyone that’s not her family or a therapist. It took a long time for Phoenix to even approach the subject with Rooster, but he wasn’t shocked that she would want to hide something like that.

Rooster met Riley once. They got along well and Riley liked riding around in the Bronco with the top down. Rooster sends her a postcard once in a while, knowing that it means a lot to Riley to receive things like that.

After the mission, Phoenix opens up about her niece to the Daggers. Riley meets them at the ceremony for the mission and takes a quick liking to Bob and Fanboy. After that, every Dagger member starts sending occasional postcards to Riley. She has to get another box for all of them but she’s more than giddy whenever she receives one.

Bob [Adoption] [CW: Infertility]

Bob married his high school sweetheart and has a little girl

They got married after surviving college together and Bob is absolutely enamored with his wife. He knows that she makes a lot of sacrifices for him and his career. So, he always tries to send her flowers and little gifts whenever he can just to let her know that he’s thinking of her. Their relationship is very much healthy and loving.

They started trying for a baby relatively early in their marriage but it didn’t happen. Bob always felt horrible whenever his wife pulled out a negative pregnancy test and was very clearly trying to hold it together for the both of them. They saw specialists and tried various treatments, but it just didn’t happen.

And so, after some counseling and discussing their options, they decided to adopt. Bob’s wife was emotionally exhausted from trying and Bob didn’t want to push her. It didn’t stop him from sobbing about the fact that he couldn’t give his wife the life that she wanted, but after some more counseling, they were prepared to adopt a baby.

About a year later, they adopted a little girl that they named Layla. Bob and his wife fell in love with her the second that they met her. They both sobbed so hard when they finally signed all of the papers and Layla officially joined the Floyd family. They were finally parents and they were going to be the best goddamn parents for little Layla.

Bob was home for the first four months and spent every second that he could with Layla, knowing that at some point he would have to leave her. He was always on hand for a diaper change or a feeding. He’s just so happy about being a dad and his wife being a mom that there’s nothing that could bring his mood down in those days.

Layla quickly grew into a little daddy’s girl and her favorite pastime is trying to steal or mess with Bob’s glasses. Bob’s wife made a comment that Bob needed to be better about saying ‘no’ to her before Layla grew up. Bob agrees, but there’s also nothing in the world that he wouldn’t do for his little princess. When Layla calls him ‘dada’ over the phone for the first time, Bob cried for at least ten minutes.

It was horrible to be away from his girls, but somehow Bob managed. He’s the type of dad to show literally everyone a photo of his daughter and his wife and give them a random update that the random person definitely did not ask for. But he’s just too damn cute when he’s bragging about how beautiful his daughter is that everyone lets it slide.

Bob always has a photo of his family in his flight suit. He treats it like a good luck charm. The one that he usually keeps in his flight suit has a note from his wife written on the back and a paint handprint from Layla, just to add to the support.

Around the time of the mission, Bob and his wife were well into the process of adopting another child. Both Bob and his wife came from big families and they wanted the same for their own family. They, at the very least, wanted to have two babies.

After the mission, Bob’s wife and daughter came out to visit him. And while they’re all having a great time out at the beach, Bob’s wife gets the call that their second child is waiting for them. The Daggers all celebrate the addition to the Floyd family and offer to watch Layla while the Floyds rush to bring their second daughter home.

Coyote [Boy Dad] [CW: Mentions of the G-LOC Incident]

Coyote has a pregnant wife and a little boy waiting for him back home.

Coyote met his wife through the Navy. She was a no-nonsense nurse that most ensigns secretly feared pissing off, but not Coyote. He asked her out and she declined him the first time, which Coyote respected and backed off. When they ended up seated at the same table at a mutual friend’s wedding six months later, however, Coyote tried his luck again. She agreed that time.

Their relationship progressed slowly, since they were both dedicated to their respective careers, but when they were both stationed in Virginia Beach for a continuous eight-month period, it quickly picked up.

While some people referred to his now wife as an ‘ice queen,’ Coyote just knew that she cared about getting the job done. And after seeing thousands of injuries and hearing bullshit responses that were covering up what really happened, she quickly grew tired. But when she was around him, she instantly warmed up. It was like night and day.

She got the shovel talk from Hangman without Coyote’s knowledge. She then proceeded to give Hangman her own shovel talk. They called a truce after that.

At the end of the continuous eight months and right before he shipped out to the middle of the Pacific, Coyote proposed to her. And she, of course, agreed. He was deployed for six months and right after he returned, they went straight to the courthouse to get married. There wasn’t a need for any pomp or circumstance. They loved each other and that was all that mattered. Hangman was their witness.

Their first child, a boy named Gabriel or Gabby as they called him, may or may not have been conceived during their short honeymoon. Coyote tried everything that he could to be there for his son’s birth but his deployment got extended and he couldn’t be there. Hangman actually stepped up and drove Coyote’s wife to the hospital when her water broke but he let other people help her during the actual delivery process.

Coyote returned home a month later and absolutely sobbed when he met his son for the first time. His wife had never seen him cry so hard and supported him through the moment. It didn’t take any conversation for anyone to see that Coyote was devastated that he missed his son’s birth. But he tried to make up for it as best he could.

Gabby was Coyote’s twin in both personality and appearance. Coyote’s mom brought over old photos of him as a baby and Coyote’s wife did at least fifteen double takes. Gabby was a daddy’s boy, which annoyed Coyote’s wife just a bit, but she was also happy to have such a clear reminder of her husband when he was deployed.

The first deployment after Gabby’s birth was horrible. But it was the deployment that Gabby understood that Coyote was leaving that absolutely killed Coyote. Gabby was screaming and crying and refused to let go of Coyote. It was a whole mess and Coyote tried to not break down in front of his son because he knew that it would only make everything worse. His CO told him to take a moment before getting in the cockpit and Coyote quickly agreed.

Around the time of the mission, Coyote’s wife was five months pregnant with their second son. Coyote tried to not think about it too much when he was in the air but after the G-LOC incident, he broke down to Hangman about it. When he calmed down a bit, Coyote called his wife and stayed on the phone with her for hours. He didn’t want to freak her out or put more burdens on her, but she could tell with one look that he was struggling.

After the mission, she came out to visit him with Gabby. Coyote was never not by her side or without Gabby in his arms. He was so clearly a loving family man that Maverick used one of his few favors with the brass to make sure that Coyote was there for his second son’s birth. And Coyote was right there in the delivery room and through the whole process.

Fanboy [Single Dad] [CW: Strained Relationships]

Fanboy is a single dad to a little girl named Natalia, or Lia as he called her.

He was in a relationship with Lia’s mom at the time that Lia was born but while he was deployed on time, Lia’s mom dropped Lia off at Fanboy’s parents’ house, told them that she couldn’t be a mom anymore and it just wasn’t the life that she wanted, and left. Fanboy’s mom eventually managed to get a call out to him and explained the situation.

On one hand, Fanboy was pissed that Lia’s mom never told him that she felt that way about being a mom. He felt completely blindsided and felt that they could have discussed options and tried to make it work before she just dropped Lia and ran. But he was at least thankful that Lia’s mom dropped her off in a safe location and cooperated with the custody proceedings. After the papers were signed, Lia’s mom left and Fanboy assumed that he would never see her again.

He made his peace with the situation and simply focused on being the best dad for Lia.

Lia lived with Fanboy’s parents when he was deployed. She was a happy child, not unlike her dad, and Fanboy was always devastated when he had to leave her behind. Any opportunity that he had, he was writing emails or on the phone with her. He has a tattoo of Lia’s name and her birthday on his chest, above his heart.

Payback is super supportive of Fanboy and Lia’s favorite uncle. She always asks Payback for piggy back rides because he’s so tall and she claims that she feels like she’s flying when she’s up on his back or his shoulders.

Fanboy doesn’t hide the fact that he’s a single dad but he’s also not shouting the fact from the rooftops. He’s gotten some flack and comments for being a single dad in the past that just rubbed him the wrong way and so he’s cautious about bringing that up. He’s open about it with anyone that he’s dating because he’s not willing to compromise on his daughter. But he’s mostly just focusing on being a dad to Lia and his career. When his life got less stressful and chaotic, he could start searching again for a partner.

Fanboy is super protective over his daughter and tries to shield her from the world perhaps more than he should. He doesn’t talk about her mom in a negative light, mostly because he doesn’t want Lia to grow up with his residual anger and frustration. He would be honest with her about the situation when she was old enough to understand the circumstances, but otherwise, he just didn’t talk about her mom with her.

After the mission, Fanboy’s parents bring Lia to visit him. Payback and Phoenix already knew about her and he told Bob about her, but everyone else was mildly shocked. They were all super supportive of him and Fanboy really appreciated that. Lia enjoyed all of the attention that she was showered with from the Daggers. She asked just about everyone for a piggy back ride and no one could say no to her.

Lia’s personal hero became Phoenix after about five minutes around the pilot. And Fanboy started to do Lia’s hair like Phoenix’s (in a service bun) on a regular basis as a result.

Payback [Step-Dad]

Payback was a husband and a father to a boy and a girl.

His eldest, Benny, was technically his step-son. But Payback wouldn’t tolerate any insinuation that Benny was any less of his son. He was a father to two kids. Not one. Not one and a half. Not one and three-quarters. A dad of two. And he wasn’t afraid to correct people on that.

When Payback met his now wife, she was upfront with him that she had a son from a previous relationship. Benny’s dad wasn’t involved and Payback’s now wife was very upfront that her son came first and that if he was uncomfortable with that, then they should see other people.

Six months later, Payback met Benny for the first time.

At the time, Benny was six-years-old. Payback told him all kinds of stories about the missions that he flew on and took Benny to a Blue Angels airshow. It wasn’t always easy to connect with Benny since some of his interests weren’t anywhere near what Payback was familiar with, but Payback took the time to learn and reach out to Benny and they had a strong bond.

A year and a half later, Payback proposed to his now wife and they married seven months later when Payback returned from deployment. Benny was the best man. Payback had vows to Benny as well and his wife absolutely started bawling during the exchange.

Payback moved his family out to Lemoore and made sure to take time to check in with Benny about his new school and his new surroundings. Payback never wanted to feel like Benny couldn’t come to him with any kinds of concerns.

And after watching Payback with Benny for so long, Payback’s wife quickly suggested having another baby after they moved to Lemoore. About two years later, Emily Fitch was born. Payback was there for her birth and did well in the delivery room. Fanboy started a bet that Payback would pass out, but Payback was very proud to prove his WSO wrong.

Benny took an immediate liking to his baby sister and there was enough of an age gap between them that Benny seemed to understand well enough that he wasn’t being replaced. And just in case, Payback and his wife made sure to have separate days and events with Benny to assure him that Emily was not any kind of replacement for him.

Benny emailed Payback just about every day while he was deployed and Payback’s wife sent separate emails with photos and videos. Payback has a photo from the hospital with his family of four taped to the inside of his cockpit.

Fanboy and Benny get along well. Payback jokes that it’s because they have the same level of emotional intelligence. It’s mostly because Fanboy and Benny enjoy playing video games together. Benny always challenges Fanboy to Mario Kart races and makes bets on it. Payback’s wife gave Payback a telling off about that, since she didn’t need Benny continuously making bad bets on everything.

At the time of the mission, Payback doesn’t hide the fact that he has a family back home. Fanboy and Phoenix are already aware and everyone else figures it out. After the mission, Payback talks to Maverick about retiring and Maverick gets him in contact with Slider, who is a commercial airline pilot. Two years after the mission, Payback leaves the Navy to bring more stability to his family, which is now nearly a family of five since his wife is pregnant again.

[nburkhardt]

There might be a lot of them but I mean, how could I not try my hand at this? Especially after watching this and going “yep that hurts”. Granted, I ended up just using the line (“I know he used to be an asshole but…”) instead of going off the sound a whole lot.

Anyway….timeline is all screwed, don’t think about it too hard. Also clearly not canon. Obviously. Only hints of steddie.

~~~~~~

Look, he knows okay? It’s pretty well known across town. It’s no secret and he’s ashamed of it all, it’s something he doesn’t want to reminisce anymore. He’s grown and he thinks he’s better, hopes he’s better. Swears he hasn’t been like that for a few years now, so why does everyone keep bringing it up?

Why does he have to keep proving himself? What does he have to do for them to stop bringing it up?

The first time it happens, he brushes it off. Mostly because it’s true, he was an asshole and he was still learning and breaking himself from who he was. So, it makes sense for Nancy to say it to Barb and then again weeks later to Jonathan. Truth be told, he thinks neither of them believed Nancy.

(it’s a stab straight to the heart when she calls him bullshit)

It’s months before he hears it again, that he nearly forgot the words. It makes him freeze when he hears it from Dustin as he’s cleaning the Byers’s kitchen. The kid is arguing with his friends about why he’s even here. It’s like he’s hit with a bucket of cold water to hear, “sure, he can be an asshole but he’s here to help!”

Sure those words work to help the other kids lay off Dustin’s back, helps make them grumble less about him. But to him? The words sting and it feels worse coming from the kid who he actually likes, thinks they could be close. Clearly there’s a line between them.

He does forget the words, not even an hour later when Billy fucking Hargrove smashes a plate against his head and beats the shit out of him.

Almost a year later and who he was is thrown directly in his face on his first day of work at Scoops. It’s such a slap to the face, not even a full week after his dad cuts him off.

“Thought an asshole like you would on his way to college with daddy’s credit card”

The smile he had on his face just barely falls, mostly because he forces it to stay in place. It also stays because he’s frozen mid-step to introduce himself. Instead, he drops his hand and moves around her and starts working. The words swirling in his head all day, making him stay quiet and just do the job. Even when girls flirt with him, he ignores and works through it.

The “You Suck/You Rule” board came to be a few days later and he sucks it up and is civil with Robin over it, gives it his all to be friendly. If only just to make this job easier and so he doesn’t get fired for being rude. It isn’t until Dustin comes back from camp and the whole Russians and drugs on the floor for Robin to say it again

“You were such an asshole…”

He doesn’t fully hear what she says, it’s hard with the ringing in his ears and his brain froze the minute the word came out.

After it all, even with his brain screaming at him to run away to lick in his wounds, he doesn’t. Forces himself to see one of the EMTs and to help Robin find her parents and promises that she can call whenever she needs something. It’s only after that, that he makes his way home to have a breakdown over it all.

Despite it all, he does call Robin and Dustin his best friends. (Probably his only true friends, if he’s honest.) And he regularly hangs out with them, and sometimes drives Dustin and his friends around. It stops only because he and Robin get jobs at Family Video and the kids start high school.

He breathes easier now, he thinks. He’s been out of high school for a while now, hasn’t been “King Steve” since ‘83. Robin and him are close enough now that he doesn’t freeze anymore, only overthinks their friendship a little bit.

Spring Break rolls around and the moment Dustin and Max storm into Family Video, he’s immediately on edge. Doesn’t show it, of course. The whole search for Eddie Munson, he’s on edge.

He can’t tell if it’s because of the upside down or if those words will make itself known, again.

Everything is a blur, to be honest. Especially after he’s dragged under water and choked by the bats. Nothing really processes for him, it should worry him, actually.

What he does remember is thanking Eddie and being called metal and Eddie saying, “I guess I couldn’t accept the fact that Steve Harrington was actually a good dude”

That somehow swirls in his head after and he doesn’t get it. He’s spiraling over it, to be honest. Even if he’s also on autopilot making sure no one dies. After it all, rushing everyone to get their wounds checked and to make sure Max is alive, Eddie’s words are still swirling and he’s still confused.

He thinks about it every single day that he visits Eddie in the hospital. The other man isn’t awake, much like Max. He doesn’t speak much during the visits, too busy in his own head. Sometimes he mumbles the words back to a too-still Eddie, sometimes he questions the words and in turn, questions Eddie. Never getting any answers to his questions.

If he’s being honest, he doesn’t actually want answers. Maybe Eddie didn’t mean it, maybe he was just being nice in the moment. And he doesn’t want to hear Eddie say “thanks for saving me, but you’re still an asshole”

If he heard that, he’d probably break.

So, he stays quiet. Much like all those other times his friends called him an asshole.

Weeks go by and he doesn’t bring it up. Doesn’t even mention anything that happened in the upside down, even after Eddie wakes up and they’re friends now. Even after Max wakes up, nearly three months later.

They all regularly hang out together, including Eddie’s band mates. Who he can tell definitely don’t like him. So when they’re around, he doesn’t even bother Eddie. Even if all he wants to do is be near the metal head. But he can see it on their faces when he does stand close to Eddie, they never say anything in front of him and he can’t tell if he feels better about that or if he’d rather they do say with him near.

Ultimately, he hears the words again and causes him to actually have that breakdown he knew was coming.

It’s like the world hates him. Because he was having a good time, he was starting to actually believe Eddie’s words and was inching his way to the man, and of the places it happens at his house.

He’s sitting on a lounge chair watching Dustin try and fail at pushing Lucas into the water. Eddie’s curled up in the lounge chair pushed next to his, they’re talking about nothing in particular and he’s hyper aware of how close they’re getting right now.

“I don’t know, man, maybe-“ Eddie had started to say when someone else’s voice is louder and catches his attention.

“Oh, I know. Steve’s definitely an asshole”

And he freezes immediately, his body going rigid and growing hot, tears well up in his eyes. He can’t hear anything else and his eyes are blurry now but he has to get away. This is too much, he can’t breathe anymore.

He nearly falls into the pool in his rush to get up and away from everyone. He doesn’t even know who said it, not that it mattered right now. All that matters is getting away, he can’t be near them anymore. Needs to be alone, to breakdown by himself.

Why do it in front of all of them when they so clearly think it’s true?

“Steve’s definitely an asshole” swirls in his head as he forces himself to rush to his room. Clearly, they were just keeping him around as a buffer- because why else would any of them keep him around? Better to let the asshole get beat up instead of kids, right?

He falls onto the floor as soon as his door is shut and let’s out the sob that was stuck in his throat.

~~~~

Well that hurt 🥲

(Part two) (part three) (part four) (part five)

[threepoint14art]

I'm gonna word vomit about the nightmares because GOD I'm listening to great escape on loop and i feel like I'm going insane so yeah if you wanna read that im gonna put it under the cut because its probably gonna be LONG TLDR: I love them and they make my head hurt

We know the nightmares are not good people, like at all. The very first instance we see them is in the episode literally titled "BONNIES NIGHTMARE" and yeah, they sure are his nightmare.

They harass him for money as a "tradition", Bonnie doesn't have any, they try and take his guitar, until there they’re pretty standard random assholes, then meg says "they know where you live" when Bon tries to intervene and refers to them as a complete group, "the *nightmares* know where you live" and then the stakes become weirder. Because aside from just very visibly being horrible people, they already have a reputation of being actually dangerous besides just mugging, they know where people live. You can argue they know where Meg, Fox and Spring live based on past history with all of them, and they could know where Bonnie lives based on how they harass him and all of that; but for them to know where Bon lives? someone who they appear to have literally no biases against and who is, up to that point, just completely unrelated to any of what's happening? It’s weird

You could say it's because he's friends with Meg, but I sort of doubt Bon would bring anyone over with how his dad is, so we are back at "why the actual hell would they know that" If they are mindless thugs it’s a bit weird that they would keep track of specifics like that. And I like to think that that’s the point. They make it a point to know sensitive information about people so that they are less inclined to go against them, just like Meg was. 

Then Fox appears and they seem really put off by it. The series tries really hard to sell that Fox is angry, violent and just a hot head. Which I don't really agree with? as in rewatches I've found myself going "yeah that's a valid reason to be angry" but whatever, going off the series alone and what they intend with each character, Fox is someone who is sort of dangerous, guy who gets into fights and all of that, they seem sort of familiar with each other too. "this is low even for you guys" and then Deuz calling Fox by his name. 

So they are 1) known 2)violent 3) actively make a show out of it. They scare people by knowing their private information yet they don’t seem to do anything with it at all, they could harass Bonnie closer to his house and not at the literal school entrance full of people but they don’t. They could drag him out to somewhere more hidden to not get bothered, but they don't, it's almost as if they want people to see. It's performative, speaking loud and laughing louder, in direct contrast to Bonnie's quiet voice who tries to leave in the least showy way possible. 

We don't see them go to school, hell we don't even see them in uniform until after camp, so I used to think they were older and that  the entire thing with the nightmares vs spring was sort of "the adult drama" outside of school and its teenagers. Their entire group just felt heavier than the rest of the kids, probably fueled by being antagonists.

The next time we see them it's with the aforementioned Spring, they are graffiting a wall and Spring tells them to not do it and to go do it in the "legal area" the artistic zone made for that. 

This is really interesting to me, mostly because even though spring grew up in a similar situation to them, he carries completely different moral values. It even seems as if he's overcompensating. Spring is a hard worker, he has jobs upon jobs and tries to live honestly, and to see other people get by in the direct opposite way he does, he wants to be as separated as possible, have nothing in common because he is a “good” person and they are “bad” people. 

There is no way that his entire area isn't drowning in graffiti already, because even sub-urban areas have graffiti, both actual art and the standard weird drawings of dicks or random curse words. And while the latter are not exactly great to see, they are also inherently thoughtless. People walk around and go "yeah this would be funny" and do it without thinking twice.

With the way that Onnie and Onyx (I call oxy that) talk about it, what they were about to do wasn't thoughtless, they were literally looking for a nice wall. it seemed like they just wanted to do actual artistic graffiti which is a pastime that seems inherently way less morally evil than just harassing random kids at school. They aren't actively looking for Spring either, they are just there. Spring picks the fight, the police come

They run away from the police, there's a ruckus with the police after (as said by Fox). They didn't actually vandalize anything, hell they didn't even have any paint on them throughout that entire exchange. But they still run? They could have done something before going over there, but in that case it'd be strange that they would be so calm and giddy about it knowing full well someone could come, they don't seem to be carrying anything at all either, robbing school kids may be possible with only your fists but they were just around streets without any knife or anything at night, so i doubt they could mug someone if they tried. 

So why would they run? I think it’s because they are all mostly just show, and that their lives shaped them to be that way. The police are scary not on the basis of "they can imprison me for this wrong thing I did" but on the basis of "the police hates people like us." The police hates the poor, the police hates queer people, it hates anyone who fails to fit in the box of what"an upstanding citizen" should look like. Of course they leave with their theatrics still there, telling Spring to "be grateful they saved you!!!" trying to save face. But it's clear they didn't actually do something to warrant fleeing, and this is supported by Spring also hiding. 

The next episode, "the birth of evil" is where everything crumbles and by crumbles i mean comes together. Spring, Fox and Bonnie go to a talent show and they meet the nightmares there, once again the whole act starts again. An obnoxious laugh, a confident pose, an ensemble of people behind you to be able to have your back. Deuz calls them dogs and the other 2 bark, its a performance. Deuz adresses the group, Onyx talks to Spring, Onnie talks to Bonnie.  

They don’t seem to acknowledge Bonnie in specific as anything important, they don’t blink and demand he gives them the money he still “owes”, they don’t tell him he’s lucky that he’s not alone. They pick a fight with the conglomerate and that's it. 

The way Spring and Fox carry themselves in the exact same situation seems just fundamentally different. They insult back of course, but they are way less vitriolic with it, and they don't accompany it with an air of grandiose superiority or an encore of background laughs or barks to drive their point home. They seem honest with their comeback, they have fun with it. Onyx and Onnie GROWL. 

Deux stands in front of them, he has been doing that this entire time, and the other two behind him growl, genuinely upset or threatened by a comeback that let's be honest. Was not even that good. "You smell that? envy?" and "the rats came out to eat, shame we didn't bring cheese"

But it not being good is sort of the point, it feels less practiced, less rehearsed and less of an act, a stupid comeback that reads more like a 3rd grader fight than anything, compared to the more antagonistic "look at the stray dogs. though this was a talent show not a barking one." "give me paw, have you learned to play dead yet?" Those are way stronger, and yet it seems like they just lose the exchange, immediately get defensive and growl, and look genuinely upset. 

Funny thing is that their insults apply to them more than they apply to those three. Both Onnie and Onyx have been shown constantly barking and growling, to call someone a stray dog implies some level of poorness or a lack of belonging. They put down what may seem wrong with them, and apply it to other people to get a leg up. 

Maggie tells them to drop it, they go and perform what they came here to perform. Deuz says "dont waste your energy, let's prove what real talent is" which can certainly just be read as another insult, as a way to call them talentless, but i chose to interpret it as masking a sore spot. We HAVE talent, even if people say we don't.

And this is the main attraction. Great escape. My love. 

With all we know about them, you would imagine their music would follow through with the image they've been constantly pushing. Rough around the edges, loud, obnoxious, full of self adulation. But it's just... Not that.

Song starts, and it seems like they will follow through. It's strong, it's loud, it's overwhelming and yet awestrucking, the guitar is at the forefront and is going crazy. And then it suddenly becomes soft, not weak or pacifying by any means, but soft nonetheless. 

Deuz’s voice is calm, he’s not screaming and he’s not making himself louder than necessary, the mic is there and it WILL pick what he says up. So he’s just singing, he’s not struggling to be heard. The very first line is “if i wasn’t the one who i thought I was, could you show with conviction who you really are?” It’s weirdly wordy and self introspective for someone who is supposedly just evil, who has presented himself as an unmovable wall, as someone strong, foul mouthed and completely used and comfortable with his way of life. As someone who poses a real danger.

If I wasn't who I thought I was, if I wasn't strong and if I wasn't at the forefront, could you really show who you are? If he wasn’t like this, if he seemed soft or weak, could his group live in peace? Could they be who they want to be? It’s not like they are 100% free to be who they are right now. They too, keep an appearance of being unbothered, strong, but at least they get to live, they get to present themselves how they want and not be scared of someone hurting them because of it, because they ARE the harm, and they have a leader. He’s the pillar, and he has to be who he THINKS he is. He has to be there.

“Will you be able to not fall today without your costume?  your heart breaks just like a fragile glass” The idea of costumes, of keeping an appearance, making “the nightmares” a single intimidating entity that no one can mess with, could they live without it? Chances are not, life is cruel and they seem to know that. It’s a dog eat dog world, and they act as if they are on the top of that food chain.

The song is for all of them, it’s ADDRESSED to them, Deuz uses first person and second person, me and you against whatever is put in our way. And that is what makes the song so special to me, in a show were we see the protagonists in the process of becoming friends the nightmares have been together since forever. And this song is for them, to find hope in hopelessness and to simply state how important all of them are to each other. “and in the distance I can hear that your voice started to call me”.

And we see what has led them down this way of thinking. Not a justification, but an explanation.

We start with Deuz, whose first memory appears to be literally working. Working to sustain himself, working to be able to live better, “I know that I will wake up.” I know that I can get out of here somehow, people are horrible to a literal child trying to live, we see how it lasted a long while too. From the candy selling to when his hands are curled into a fist we can see that he visibly grew up, he kept living in those conditions and he never actually experienced sympathy for it, people laughed, people insulted him, people seemed to be grossed out by the mere idea of a kid who was BORN into poverty, because how dare he try and survive? “I fell into an dark abysm without an end”  

With this it would make sense for him to become cynical, to assume it’s him against the world forever, and that people are inherently evil. But the lyrics are hopeful. “I escaped swiftly and I saved my life, I felt as if i were finally breathing again. Today let’s break the walls at once” Life is cruel, people are cruel, but it gives him a frame of reference of what type of people stay at the top of the chain, to be mean, to be violent, not out of enjoyment but necessity, camouflage to survive and breathe again, make sure people don’t mess with him again. The image of a little kid with scratches throughout all his body looking angrily at the camera

“In a place of the world where light goes away and doesn’t want to come back. Could you be sure that you’ll find it?” He could stay alone, he could dish out the same disdain and disgust that people showed him when he was at his lowest, but despite it all he still has empathy, and despite everything he wants to help, “evil” was born through how he lived, but his true nature is still there. And when he sees someone his age at his lowest, he doesn’t hesitate to help. He doesn’t fall in the idea of “everyone should have it as bad as me, i had it worse, it’s not my problem.” He extends the kindness that he never had, and he helps. Could you really find light when everything seems dark? find hope in what seems hopeless?see a A scared little kid being beat in a closed alleyway, amongst all the trash. Could you be fine with it? Have any hope in such a situation?

“if everything breaks slowly and with pain. Could you pick up the pieces that fall?”  He stops it, he becomes the light that went away, a sense of hope and belonging, he offers a hand that was never offered to him. Onnies expression in this always gets me, he looked scared when he was alone, but once someone stands up for him he doesn’t look glad or happy. He seems shocked, in complete disbelief. Both Onyx and Maggie seem to be relieved when they are saved, but Onnie is just shocked. Why would someone just intervene or care? this was not a one time thing, he already had the bruises before any hit ever connected, he fled into a dead end and expected it to end like that. And it didn’t. Everything was already broken, why would someone pick up the pieces? 

“In the distance I can hear the quake of the world and its end. Today you’ll start from zero. I have to say see you later” I’ve seen some people be confused by this part or even laugh at it. Deuz just appears, punches onyx, and they become friends. But the very first shot is Onyx sitting slumped on the ground as if he had been beat up and was barely conscious. But he wasn’t, he had no injuries at all, the lyric talks about the end of the world, he had given up. We don’t know the circumstances of this, but given how clean his clothes are and how he lacks any injuries, it’s my personal headcanon that he got kicked out. A kid alone in the streets kicked out, he should give up, because what else could he do? how else could he live? A wake up call in the form of a fist, this place is dangerous and not what you are used to. But today you’ll start from zero, you just have to say goodbye to what you had. 

The chorus changes, it’s no longer a dark abyss, but a dark path. In the name of not being at the very bottom he has become something he isn’t, all of them have, their lives shaped them to be rougher, they are like the people who hurt them in the past. This is especially true to Onnie becoming a bully. And the path seems endless, because dropping the fake bravado doesn’t seem like a possibility. The world is cruel to those it perceives as weak, so they can’t show themselves to be. That's why we are shown the three of them looking angry, unbothered, the strength their life demanded but at the very least as a group; making themselves bigger, with Deuz at the forefront. 

And we cut to Maggie (who I use he/him for), screaming and trying to get away from someone who is clearly bigger, an adult. From the song “closer” at the camp arc, we can see how that person was enjoying causing distress, a crooked and mocking smile on their face “there will be people who think this is pure hypocrisy” To go from being the kid suffering at the hands of someone stronger, to the one causing said pain onto another kid, all to not be weak and not be a target again. 

The group doesn’t only defend Maggie, fight back against someone bigger than all of them. But Deuz goes out of his way to try and cheer him up, and gives him a sweet to calm down.  “incapable of forgetting the beast that’s hungry yet again” this world, it’s difficulties that feel like sharp teeth mauling at people who have not done any sin but to exist yet, people feed on others being miserable, on feeding on those who seem weaker and their suffering, like beasts. You can’t ignore it, you have to fight back, bare your own teeth.

“Beyond the storm my hand is waiting for you. That sword pierced depression with all it’s strength” After the suffering, after the hardships and the pain, my hand will be there waiting for yours. Together we are stronger, and together we can be happy despite what everyone else can say. “Before just falling like that…” before giving up, before falling, we have each other.

And it’s the chorus again, I fell in a dark abyss, but now what saved his life is not making himself scarier, it’s not the realization of what act he should put on, it’s not his anger freeing him. It’s having his group. And once they break the walls, once they break through their self imposed image, through “the wall” , they can live without fear or grudges. 

Next we see them is at camp, and it seems as if Deuz already started to try to break through said wall, they are actually going to school now, they are at a camp. And when Onyx and Onnie start with the theatrics, when they try to immediately establish themselves as stronger and crueler. He reminds them that they are not on the streets. They aren’t in that horrible environment they’ve always lived in, not everyone is bound to be outright hostile, and they try. 

Later on Deuz says “If being at this camp and learning to work in a team makes my boys finally get accepted by society. Then I’ll do it.” and after that “I’ll show them that we can all change for the better.” They all became hostile because of where they grew up, but if there’s a chance to not be like that, to live in peace, then he’ll take it. He wants the best for them.

And that’s not to say Deuz has always been the pillar of morality. He participated in Bonnies harassment as much as all of them, but their thing is to change, to let go of that gut reaction of cruelty to avoid being hurt. And Deuz also changes with time. At the start, anyone who participated in the event, who went to the docks which is their territory, he would have been annoyed, he would have called them talentless, insult them and their craft and claim he and his crew were better before completely disregarding them as a whole. He would have been defensive about the only place where he can actually showcase his thoughts and feelings. But no! Later on he has respect for Fred, calls him “the king of the docks” and tries to be friendly. Of course after that Freddy is completely confused and he gets pissed, but I think it’s because he tried, he attempted to be friendly and swallow his pride and his defensiveness about the one thing they all have, and he got (in his head) made fun of. It made his instinct of “be the one on the top of the interaction always” kick in, because they WERE on the streets at that time and it’s suddenly the same it always has been. 

Right after that pup kills him on a single punch and that didn’t happen ^^.  no waaaay he would go down so easy to a person like pup whose most athletic skill is gymnastics. Deuz has shown he's had to fight and fight dirty/lawlessly to survive since he was little. it just doesn't make sense and it’s not real TOT Pup is built like a twig

“pia what about onnies song” also didn't happen ^^. After this point the series tries to soften Onnie to be less of a willing participant of the group’s actions, and I just really do not like it. Let him have blue hair and pronouns AND evil in his heart. 

I think that’s all for all, i need to be tazed. I know i kept it very neutral till now but guys please tell me you see why i ship them all so hard. God. I need to kill them all

i hate them you need to be put down <3 like the dogs u like (the nightmares) - Loops

[wulfums]

I have like. Such extensive backstory HCs for Grim and Gnarly and I just never talk about it. They just live in my head. I think abt them almost as much as I think abt Allan, I like them a Lot.

I had developed Grim's backstory pretty heavily but not Gnarly's, so I've been thinking abt his.

My take on him is that he had insanely shitty parents who did not like or care for him. He left at 16 and couch surfed. His first job was at a butcher shop. The owner, Butcher John, was very gruff, kind of rude and standoffish, but he really did take Gnarly in. This guy in the few years Gnarly worked there was more of a dad to him than his actual dad ever was. Neither of them were ever comfortable with Gnarly calling him that, and neither were ever comfortable talking about feelings, trauma etc. All Gnarly knows is that Butcher John went through something similar as a kid.

Something about Gnarly is he is genuinely smart. But no one ever expects this from him. He has dyslexia and some trouble reading and teachers and especially his parents always assumed that meant he was Stupid. He's not!! But he grew up thinking this so he never really tried, because what was the point ?? And in high school he really embraced the "Cool guy, doesnt care about anything" image. He also was really averse to doing anything seen as non-masculine. Gnarly always grew up more into boys than girls(And later figured out he didn't like girls at all, he just felt like he had to) and his parents were Not happy about that, to say the least.

But this also led to him not embracing things he liked that didn't fit that mold. Until his idol and basically adopted dad came home with a guy. Gnarly genuinely had no idea Butcher John was queer. He was the most masculine person Gnarly knew, ever. When he was told "I'm not doing any of this to be masculine. I'm just doin it because I like it." it really hit him. So he started letting himself doing things seen as nerdy, like reading. He found out he loves reading historical fiction and non-fiction, as well as fantasy. He started taking piano lessons, too, in addition to guitar lessons.

Even though he felt more self confident, he still was convinced he wouldn't be smart enough to get into college. But he did- on scholarship. This led to him feeling like he was taking it away from someone else, dealing w imposter syndrome, before John encouraged him(Along with John's now husband! Also named John. Which is why the OG John is referred to as Butcher John.)

Even though Gnarly never refers to him as his dad or anything, he keeps in close contact with him even as an adult. The only time he ever saw Butcher John cry was when Gnarly called him, after being able to escape Hell. Until Griddle happened and Gnarly introduced Griddle to the Johns- that also made Butcher John cry.

Fun fact: Nowadays, Butcher John is a vegan. He doesn't regret being a butcher, considering he always used every part of the animal (His husband is a taxidermist! Its how they met.) and always modeled and taught Gnarly respect for nature. But when he wasnt able to verify exactly where the meat was coming from anymore after farms stopped being local, he closed his shop and went vegan. Hes a little preachy about it, but Gnarly know its out of a deep respect for animals. (Though vegan, John is fine with using vintage animal product clothes such as leather.)

Gnarly still hunts, and is as far as vegan as you can get, esp since deer are insanely overpopulated near Meep City. But respect for nature is a big thing for him, which is why he loves taking camping trips with Gristle- and once Griddle and Gnasty are old enough, them too!!

He still struggles heavily with anxiety, self doubt and imposter syndrome. But he has a family now, which is more than he ever had as a kid.

Also, when he found out his dad kicked the bucket, he came home to Gristle and Grim throwing him a surprise party to celebrate, which Gnarly appreciated SO much. Fuck that guy !!

I need to design The Johns since they're important figures in Gnarly's life. They're like. The opposite of Grim's mom.

[justarandombrit]

@femslashfortnight 23rd June - Fake Dating AU - Lautity

I really have a weird love for Fake Dating AUs so instead of doing art for this prompt, I decided to write something. It's actually the first time I've ever written Lautity so just bare that in mind while reading. (Also I don't have Ao3 so it's just below the cut)

Steph had never hated her father more.

For a man who once asked the hospital to unplug his father's life support so the sympathy over his death wasn't overshadowed by a local football match, forcing his daughter to find a date for a school dance seemed like a comparatively reasonable request. To Steph, however, her father could've stabbed her and she'd have more easily forgiven him.

Just last summer he'd carted her off to Camp Idontwannabang to protect his precious reputation because sex was evil and scandalous, and now it was all “Stephanie, as the mayor's daughter you are expected to find a fitting partner for occasions such as these. The town will begin thinking I'm forbidding you from dating, and we can't have that, can we?”

When she, admittedly quite bluntly, told him about her plan to spend the dance hanging around with Brenda and Stacy, he gave her an ultimatum.

Get a date by the dance, or he'd pick one himself.

She severely doubted her father's taste in men, especially since he'd been near constantly talking about how well-respected Brad Callaghan’s parents were in town.

She'd joked to Brenda and Stace that he'd have her going with one of the Monroe boys, but between a bleach blond twelve year old, and the biggest prick of a Linebacker she'd ever met, Trent Monroe didn't seem so bad.

In all seriousness, though, those hypotheticals would never come to fruition. She was Stephanie fucking Lauter, for Christ’s sake. She had her pick of the school, even if it was just because her dad was the mayor.

Max Jägerman would've been a safe bet, if not for the fact that they'd dated in Middle School for the worst month of her life. Plus, the breakup was messy beyond belief and even if it was just to a last minute post-game party, she suspected this would be even worse.

Both Kyle and Jason were off-limits, and she knew it. For a start, Brenda would kill her if she even touched Kyle’s arm, and she knew Max would make Jason's life a living hell, since one of his rules for his entourage was “No dating my exes on pain of wedgy”. Also, Jason had always weirdly reminded her of her father. Gross.

Brenda and Stacy were both just bad ideas. They had the somewhat rebellious factor of getting a girl instead of a guy, like she knew her dad would prefer, but Brenda was still madly in love with Kyle, and Stacy was still madly in love with Brenda. Best not to make that love triangle worse.

Maybe she should look away from the popular kids. Her dad never said anything about who the person had to be, and she kind of felt like being petty.

Her dating that bowtie kid, the Spankoffski, was definitely not flattering to her father's town-wide reputation. He was also pretty cute, but everyone knew his brother went missing a few months back, and she didn't want to lead him on when he was definitely not in the right headspace for a romantic relationship. And that fact might garner sympathy around them and turn it into one massive publicity stunt that would actually boost the Lauters’ reputation. All in all a bad idea.

Flemwad and Shitlips (she was relatively sure those weren't their actual last names, but that was the only thing anyone ever called them) were both definitely rock bottom in terms of desirability, but she had the feeling that dating either of them would drag her reputation down into the gutter too. This was about embarrassing her father, not her.

All of the other background nerds were essentially unapproachable, since she knew next to nothing about any of the other lower status students of Hatchetfield High. Although, wasn't one of them an arsonist? Definitely not.

This left, in Steph’s eyes, one candidate. One choice so crazy it just might work. Hatchetfield’s resident prude, none other than Grace Chasity.

Steph knew she looked like a creep staring down the hallway at Grace as she handed out flyers. She hadn't seen what any of the flyers had on them, but chances were it was a petition to cancel the very dance Steph was plotting about.

It might've been easier to march on down there, pick up an information pamphlet and join in on Grace's protest, but none of the Chasity family's holy crusades ever seemed to work, whether it be shutting down weed farms, boycotting diners, storming arcades, or stopping school dances. People tended to ignore them. Which was why what Steph was about to do would be so easy.

She slammed her locker shut and jammed her hands in the pockets of her trousers, Max Jägerman style. Unfortunately, women's jeans have considerably smaller pockets than letterman jackets, so she probably looked slightly awkward.

It definitely seemed to have the intended effect though, since people in the corridor shrunk away from her as she passed.

She knew getting Grace to agree to go through with her plan was a long shot, and Max might kick up a bit of a fuss, but Steph thought that out of everyone at the school, she might be the only one Grace would even consider dating. The girl was practically obsessed with her, after all.

“Hey, Chastity!” Steph shouted, getting her name wrong on purpose.

Grace’s face lit up, and she clutched her leaflets to her chest with one arm, throwing the other up to wave excitedly.

“Hi Steph! Do you want to help me hand out flyers before Biology?”

Steph desperately tried to make her smile look forced.

“As fun as that sounds, I'm actually here to ask a favour.”

Grace cocked her head to the side slightly, shifting her pamphlets to the other arm.

“It's not about the History homework is it? Steph, you know I won't help you cheat. We could do a study session in the library though! My parents might even let me stay out until 6pm!”

Ignoring both how enticing that offer sounded, and how sad the last comment was, Steph replied, “No, it's not about homework, I'll just cheat off of Spankoffski, it was actually about the dance–”

Grace looked scandalised, which Steph thought probably wasn't a good sign, but carried on anyway.

“– I don't have anyone to go with, and my dad is totally on my ass about it, so I wanted to know if you'd be chill with going with me, or, like, pretending to be my date, or something,”

Grace took a deep breath, and Steph braced herself for the verbal smackdown. Why did she think asking out the most puritanical seventeen year old on earth was a good idea?

“First of all, butt, Steph, not hmmm” –Grace hummed to avoid saying the profanity– “and secondly, I don't plan on going to this devil-worshipping sperm bank of a school party. It's a football party, Steph, a football party. We didn't even win! The Timberwolves wiped the floor with us!! And lastly, I will not ‘pretend to be your date’. We're seventeen, we shouldn't even be thinking about that stuff yet! Why would I even consider that?”

Steph really didn't want to resort to this, but her brain spit out a response before she'd had any say in the matter.

“If Max thinks you're a lesbian he'll stop trying to carry your books.”

If Steph knew what the five stages of grief actually were, she'd have assumed Grace was cycling through them now. Instead, she thought Grace looked like she'd gone from seeing a ghost, to being flustered beyond belief, to having eaten a wasp, to completely unreadable. Somehow that was the scariest one.

Grace bowed her head and avoided Steph's eyes while putting her papers in her backpack. After she'd checked they were all in there at least four times, Grace hoisted her backpack back on to her shoulder and took a deep breath.

“I- okay. Okay. Okay. I'll do it.”

It took everything in Steph not to hug Grace right there in the middle of the hallway. Instead, she shot Grace a singular finger gun and, in her best dirtbag boyfriend impression, turned around and yelled back “See you at the dance, hot stuff!”

Judging by the giggling around her, she knew Grace was probably bright red, and definitely going to kill her. Worth it.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for basically being my cousins' 2nd/3rd parent and actually doing my aunts/uncles job for them

I (19 ???), have six young cousins on my mom's side who i see pretty often given everyone's schedules. Im really close with 4 of them, having grown up almost like siblings mainly with the two oldest. The two youngest dont care for me especially since one is only like 4 months old

Ive always been the reliable older brother/sisterish figure to them even when i was younger, it just came naturally. But in recent years ive had to pick up the slack in alot of things related to raising my cousins in a way. A goodish example is with the oldest, she's 16 and a few years ago I had to give her the sex and period talk cuz her school barely did anything about it (long story short they literally just gave out a basic (outdated) packet that basically just said "dont have sex, girl bleed once a month" in a horrible shameful way), and her parents just said "we'll explain when you're 18".

Ive done everything from teaching them internet safety to cooking to explain topics such as the sex talk because my aunts and uncles just dont do those things.

But enough context heres the main things,

One of my cousins called me dad in front of our relatives while we were all on vacation which caused a scene to say the least. It ended with me absolutely tearing into my aunts and uncles, which i admit wasnt the best choice but still, i basically tore into them about intentionally or not have almost completely abandoned their roles as parents. (Also one got tore into for basically forgetting their oldest in favor for their youngest so much so the oldest didnt get new clothes for two years)

The fight ended with me and my cousins storming back to the room we claimed and locking the door. We basically camped out there for the last two days if the trip, only leaving for food a night (had a bathroom connected to the room thankfully) we only really spoke to my mom and our grand uncle and aunt during that time

Its been about a month since it happened and things have atleast superficially calmed, still receiving the stray vague call out on social media and getting called an selfish asshole in a polite socially acceptable way. The only people on my side are my grand aunt and uncle, my mother, my cousins, and my friends

Im torn, because on one hand i care for my cousins and dont regret finally standing up for them all including myself.

But on the other its not completely my business on how my relatives raise their kids. I didnt have to do all that i do/did. I choose to do all those things and im still choosing to do them

I would speak to a professional or something but my last therapist dropped me cuz of stories bout my family (no joke she literally said "you're family is fucked up i have no hope in helping you, you're a lost cause") so tumblr what's your thoughts this probably out if yalls pay grade but still

What are these acronyms?

[bcolfanfic]

i’d love more jean hcs, im obsessed with her. what was her childhood like and her life before she met cros, how did they meet?

all of these apply to both side a and b of the au <3 things don’t really split off between them until the boys are out of bagram.

my girllllll. i love her so much.

- grew up in iowa in the same town croz did. very a typical suburbs white picket fence family. dad worked a 9-5 mom stayed home, did dance and soccer and all in all had a pretty normal childhood.

- def one of those little girls that got called bossy when they weren’t *mean*, just assertive. very self assured and in spite of everything she goes through as an adult that never really changes.

- big summer camp kid. makes her laugh a little when jj is the first kid they try to send to sleep away summer camp and he cries sooo much they have to go get him. even though her home life was *fine* she was a really independent kid and couldn’t wait to go away for a couple weeks the second school got out.

- was always the one teaching the other girls how to make super complicated friendship bracelets. holds on to a lot of the ones other people gave her even as an adult. sentimental like that <3

- her and croz met as kiddos. weren’t best friends right off the bat and were a grade apart but. he was very very shy and little miss assertive told people off at recess for picking on him.

- and sweet little 9 year old croz was so 😧 at this assertive little girl a grade below him going off at someone like that. had a lil crush on her immediately lmao.

- she goes by jeanie as a teenager into being an adult but when she’s a kid she hateddddd it. thought it was too babyish and would very bluntly tell people her name is je-an and that’s it.

- but croz calls her jeanie and she doesn’t have the heart to correct shy little boy that seems a little lonely. so she lets him do it. no one else though.

- they actually start talking enough to become true friends in middle school. and in true 13 year old girl fashion she’s distraughtttt when he goes off to high school a year before her. big dramatic tears about how he’s gonna forget her and find some pretty blonde high schooler that’s cooler to hang out with instead.

- and this is before they’re even datinggg 14 year old croz is like uhhh no i won’t (: don’t worry (: and how hard he fumbled that keeps him up at night lmfao.

- but obviously he does not forget about her and they start dating in high school. do all the stereotypical high school sweetheart things. prom, football games etc etc.

- croz is one of those kids that eats lunch with his english teacher bless his heart. very bookish and jeanie finds that so endearing about him.

- school wise jeanie does cheer and really likes math (: smart as a whip and it’s one of the many reasons croz adores her. thinks she’s just the coolest smartest girl ever and is sometimes worries she might be wasting her time with him of all people.

- their parents think they’re good for each other and are happy to joke about how ohhh those two are gonna get married and give us grandbabies someday hahaha (: isn’t that nice (:

- which is rich when both sets of parents full 180 and are kinda. fucking monsters when they have an Oops and she gets pregnant w/ jj right out of high school.

- in side a where croz is much alive during all the meadow stuff that’s a hugeee part of why he’s so pissed about everything. obv jj isn’t as young as he was and meadow is older than jeanie was by a few years. but she’s still /young/. and he can still see in his head how hard it was for them when jj was a baby, they were so clueless and he was terrified he’d gone and ruined jean’s life. doesn’t want that for his son, doesn’t want that for meadow <\3

[honeybee2807]

Forgotten Memories: The Hidden Oracle

Chapters 5 and 6

Note: This was meant to be one chapter but while writing, I got interrupted so I posted it in ao3 midway. So take it like one chapter.

Camp Half-Blood was enormous. Lester's eyes went wide when they landed on a big and majestic place which Percy called the big house. He was fascinated and slightly overwhelmed when he noticed a few kids taking care of a strawberry field!(Why would Camp Half Blood have a strawberry field?!) He whizzed around excitedly when he saw the arts and crafts center. His jaw dropped when he saw the dining pavilion which had a huge crack at the floor.

"This is big enough for skeletons to enter through," Lester had exclaimed.

Percy nervously laughed, "About that..."

As he stared at Percy incredulously, Lester decided to not pursue further into the conversation lest he got a headache bigger than the crack.

Despite the ginormous camp, there only seemed to be very few campers("It's winter. Many of the campers left for school," Percy had explained when he had asked about it.)

As they headed for the cabins(There were twenty of them!), Lester felt awe as the cabins appeared more enormous and imposing. The biggest was made of white marble and had pillars which surrounded a bronze door with lightning bolts streaked out. Lester shuddered, remembering his embarrassing panic attack he had earlier.

"The Zeus Cabin," Percy announced as he waved his arms uselessly in what was supposed to be a grand gesture.

"He's the thunder guy, isn't he?" Lester quietly asked. A deafening boom made Lester cringe. "That answers it"

Afterwards, Percy showed the rest of the cabins.

("This is my dad's cabin! God of the seas and the earth shaker" Percy exclaimed when they reached a very blue cabin. "The best cabin of them all.")

("This is the Hermes cabin. God of traveller's and thieves and a whole lot of other stuff. Including cattle. He takes all the unclaimed campers so you'll be here for a while until you get claimed.")

("This is Mr. D's cabin. He's the camp director and the god of wine. He's been sent here as a punishment.")

Then they reached a beautiful and gold cabin.

"This seems nice," Lester murmured as he unconsciously stepped closer. The only decor seemed to be breathtakingly pretty flowers. Lester had the urge to pluck some of them but it probably was illegal to do so.

"This one is Apollo's cabin," Percy said as he curiously stared at Lester. "God of poetry, music, medicine, archery and gods know what else"

Lester went quiet for a while after that.

Later, Percy decided that it was a good idea to abandon him("Gotta go home! I need my cookies!") in the middle of the tour so Lester decided to explore the rest of the camp by himself.

Walking up to what he assumed to be some sort of amphitheater, Lester went though the entrance to find various instruments of different sizes and shapes lying about and a cacophony of noises. A few campers were seated in the room enthusiastically attempting to play what seemed to be the minor scale and miserably failing. A girl seemed to be choking the clarinet which produced sounds similar to a dying person. The way a boy was gripping the guitar, he must've wanted to break something. The only camper who had perfected the music was a dark skinned boy who was practicing on his violin flawlessly. A man with goat legs(a satyr Lester recalled from what Percy had explaned), stood up quickly to invite Lester in.

Suddenly a loud snap could be heard. The boy with the guitar(who Lester later learned was Damian) had broken the D string and one of the girls looked furious. 

“You killed it!” the girl scowled. “I needed to use that guitar!”

“Shut up, Lucky,” Damien muttered. “In the real world, accidents happen. Strings snap sometimes.”

Lucky(Was that her actual name?) started cursing in Italian. 

Lester suddenly felt a surge of impulse as he whipped his hand out and asked, "May I?" 

Damian hesitated before slowing handing the guitar to him. 

'What was I thinking? How would I know how to restring this? I don't even know where extra strings are'��Lester internally panicked. 

Looking around, Lester spotted a guitar case. I wonder... Sure enough, there were extra strings inside.

Lester felt a sense of deja vu when replacing the string. He felt like he had done the same thing hundreds of times with how familiar and oddly comforting the action was. He adjusted the pitch, but stopped when he realized that the girl who played the clarinet was sobbing. 

“That was so beautiful!” She wiped a tear from her cheek. “What was that song?”

Lester blinked. “Erm.. It's tuning.”

“Yeah, Valentina, control yourself,” Damien chided, though his eyes were red. “It wasn’t that beautiful.”

“No.” Lucky sniffled. “It wasn’t.”

Only the violin boy seemed unaffected. He grinned widely though Lester couldn't figure out why. As he started to strum the scale, Lester started to feel a sense of power and energy. It seemed as if he had practised the guitar for four thousand years. Lester was invincible, he was at his turf and no one could defeat him. 

He looked up to find Lucky and Damian sobbing into each other's shoulders. Valentina was shaking and even the violin boy went teary eyed. 

Lester felt awkward. "Erm.." Suddenly his hand seized up and the guitar fell to the floor with a clang. All the power Lester felt disappeared, leaving him vulnerable. His fingers, which were now marred in red lines, were throbbing and he felt a bit lightheaded. 

Flushing in embarrassment as others looked at him in alarm and concern, he mumbled, "I just got tired." 

“Well, yeah.” Valentina nodded. “The way you were playing was unreal!”

Lester started to blush. "It's just some scales! You got emotional over scales!"

"But those are some good scales," the violin boy said as he held out his hand. "My name's Austin Lake. My dad's Apollo." 

Lester shook the hand. "My name's Lester. I don't know who my godly parent is."

Austin grinned. "Well, I have some suspicions on who your parent is."

He clapped Lester on his back. "Mind coming over to Apollo cabin so we record YouTube videos"

Lester felt a smile blooming on his face when he realized he made a friend. "It's a deal!"

Lester was in the middle of exploring the rest of the camp(Seriously why were there lava walls?) when he was stopped by the centaur, who stated that he needed to go to archery lessons. Archery seemed cool.

It wasn't as successful as the music lesson. But as a first timer, he seemed to do alright. He even scored a bullseye! After a few embarassing misses which he will not mention at all.

As he practised more and more, he was more and more successful at not missing the target board and actualling hitting the blue ring. Until his hand decided to cramp up again.

"Ow!" Lester whined as he cradled his hands. Damn, where was the weird golden healing flash when he needed it?

"Hey" The archery instructor, Kayla Knowles, came over to him. "Your shots are very good for a person who shoots first time. You just need to improve your form. Here's how it..." Kayla looks over Lester's shoulder. "Wait what is he doing?"

Lester followed her gaze.

A boy was walking slowly, trancelike, into the woods.

"Huh?" Lester asked. 

"Sherman Yang. Why is he going to the woods? It's dangerous there," Kayla gasped. 

They both decided to follow him. As soon as they reached the tree line, the forest darkened. The temperature dropped. A woman whispered in Lester's ear. It was a hauntingly familiar voice that he couldn't pinpoint. You did this to me. Come. Chase me again.

Lester felt disorienting confusion and another massive wave of deja vu. 

Both started running towards Sherman. Lester's lungs were about to collapse and his legs would burn if he ran any further. Luckily they were close enough to grab his arm. 

“Sherman.” Kayla tugged at him. Sherman attempted to shake her which failed since he seemed sluggish and dazed. He eyes started fluttering. 

“No. Ellis. Got to find him. Miranda. My girl.” Sherman moaned. 

Lester glanced at Kayla for explanation.

“Ellis is from the Ares cabin,” she said. “A few campers started going missing in the woods. Ellis is one of them”

Lester felt a chill run through him. "And... What about Miranda?" 

“Sherman and she started dating about a week ago.”

Sherman struggled to free himself. “Find her.”

“Miranda is right over here,” Lester improvised. “We’ll take you there.”

Sherman stopped fighting. His eyes rolled until only the whites were visible.

“Over…here?”

“Yes.”

“Ellis?”

“Yes, it’s me,” Lester lied, looking uncomfortably at Kayla. “I’m... I'm Ellis.”

“I love you, man,” Sherman sobbed.

Still, it took all their strength to take him from the woods and lead him to the archery range. 

At some point, Sherman snapped out of his daze and shook them off. 

“What is this?” he demanded.

“You were walking into the woods,” Lester said.

He gave a glare that would incinerate Lester if looks killed. “No, I wasn't, newbie.”

Kayla reached for him,“Sherman, you were in some kind of trance. You were muttering about Ellis and Miranda.”

Sherman went red “I don't remember that. Why should I believe you?”

“You were hypnotized. It was scary! " Lester pleaded. "Something or someone must've  controlled you!" 

“Enough!” Sherman snapped. “If either of you mention this, I’ll make you eat your quivers. I don’t need people questioning my self-control."

Then Sherman stomped away. Lester stared at the ground before looking at Kayla. "You mentioned missing campers earlier. Do you think... Do you think these two are related?"

"I don't know," Kayla mumbled.

"Something spoke to me. You know? Back in the woods. It felt like the woods were talking to me," Lester confessed. "I think... something is off with the woods" 

Entire work:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/48825898?view_full_work=true

[cadet-aviator]

In trouble (2)

I’m telling you these stories of my adolescence, Tumblr, as I remember them (and I remember them vividly), and it’s good to know that all this happened more than 30 years ago – very much a different time and a different world. For one thing, this kind of strict obedience to hierarchy was completely normal, there and then. Children obeyed their elders, their teachers. You did not talk back. In the military, things were even more strict. Nobody objected.

I also mentioned that I was a bit left to my own devices, at the time. I was in an unfamiliar country, my Dad was very busy, often away for days on end, my Mom was ‘indisposed’, most of the time due to alcohol. At the time I went to Camp she was actually back in Europe, trying got some treatment. So it was just me, school, my mates in cadets, and the school cadet experience, which was a great way of using up my energies and finding a sense of purpose.

But now this. The Army had basically ensnared me. I thought I had just signed up for three weeks in Camp, at the insistence of the friendly Admiral, but now I was under their complete authority. 

I couldn’t figure out why. First of all, even though the experience had been gruelling, I still had a feeling of disappointment, of having failed. In school, I was a perfect boy, a perfect cadet, totally in control of everything, drill, uniform, school work, and ‘human relations’: I had friends, I was nice to people, helpful, engaging, even fun. People liked me, and I liked people. So why couldn’t I cope with this Army situation?

Of course I understood that this was the Army, and I understood too that Army discipline was there to prepare you for battle, not for a friendly school drill competition. But why did they say I was bad at everything – and why did I feel bad about that? Had they been extra strict with me? Did the other kids have a similar sentence imposed on them? Hadn’t I been loyal, ready to obey? In other words: if I had failed so badly, why would they not simply kick me out? Why did I have to submit to these measures? Why did they want to keep me in?

I mentioned that in the second week of Camp my emotions seemed to dry up, and ‘a peculiar numbness’ set in. At the time I thought it was just survival mode. I never thought it was part of a deliberate conditioning strategy, partly because I thought I was too intelligent to be conditioned. They just wanted to terrorise me, raise the bar of the discipline, make me alert on being a hyper-correct cadet at all times, I thought, well, let them. 

But now I was confused. They had touched something I didn’t know I had.

I talked about it to Dad. 

When the Camp was first suggested, he had been open about it – ‘You seem to like this military discipline, perhaps it’s time to figure out what it’s really all about’. That the Admiral was behind it was significant for him (and his work), but he never mentioned that.

Now, he could see my confusion. I was pretty depressed, distraught – but when I sat down to talk to him I was still in that perfect green uniform. He had accepted my ‘dress choice’ long before that, but it still annoyed him a bit; I could sense that he felt I should take responsibility for my choices. 

‘I can make this go away, son, if you want me to.’

‘Yes, but Dad… I can’t just ask you to ask them to lift these things, erase the demerits, I mean I actually deserved them, didn’t I?.’

‘Yes, but 240 hours of service is extraordinary, son. And I am not happy to have these inspections around the house all the time, really.’

‘I know… but…’

‘But?’

‘But – what if they’re right? What if I should have applied myself more? I mean I do OK in school and stuff, but maybe I was too sure of myself, or not really focused, or something?’

‘So… ? You’re saying this is all justified?’

‘I guess…’

‘Really, I can give him a call, and get this over with.’

‘Ah, I don’t want you to, Dad’

‘And the other thing? Their wish that you take this Camp again, with three more weeks added on?’

‘I don’t know, Dad. That is so tough. I don’t think I can.’

‘They seem to think you can. And I have to say – that I agree.’

‘What? You really think I have to be a soldier, like numb and obeying all the time? You want me to spend all summer there? Six weeks??’

‘I think you want to prove them wrong, certainly. And about you being soldier material, I don’t know. You used to be a really sweet kid, son, but this cadet thing has made you into something else, you’re so organised, so tough, maybe you should be there.’

And that was the rub, the open nerve, exactly. I had distanced myself from him (and Mom), in my adolescent arrogance, and now he threw it right back at me. In a friendly way.

I sat in my room and read the list of disciplinary measures, and I had this deep uneasy feeling that it was right. It had to happen. They had seen through me.

(All images are AI generated)

[burrowkit]

So, I full out acknowledge that my life has been good, but a lot of random, weird, awful stuff has also happened that feels relatively fine but like...

Sometimes someone calls it out and then it's like "wait, that's just a Tuesday for me. Is this not normal?"

Among some of the stranger (bad) things (I guess)-

Basically growing up with minimal oversight at a sailing club (still was safe, it was def community watches all the kids attitude)

Girls snapping each other's bras back to cause pain

Playing a game called Man Hunt which was kind of like tag, but like, if you were tagged you joined the hunting party, and tried to find everyone in the school yard

A reminder that being popular tends to be seen as well known. You could be the heavily bullied kid but still considered "popular" because everyone knows your name (I'd argue popular and well-known/notorious are two different things, but whatever)

Had the entire male population of my class (and many guys from the other classes) be my bully (as a gal)

Had a guy (different school, why is it always the guys? This actually should go above the previous 2 points, but anyways) spend the entire year sneaking up behind me to scare me. This has resulted in my very LOUD scream when I'm startled, as a defence mechanism

At every immunization/flu shot/vaccine dose, someone would always punch my arm near/at the injection site for up to a week later (someone as in another student)

Cornered into small spaces by a guy

Had my stuff constantly stolen (when it's the entire male population, it's pretty easy for them to steal and hide my stuff)

Had my OCD made fun of while I was clearly struggling

Was bullied because I was crying because my grandmother had just died (my dad was being a tad tough and forcing me to go to school because he couldn't miss work, the kids didn't seem to understand I had little choice in my ability to stay home)

Attempted to give the silent treatment/ignore my bullies as a New Year Resolution because I was desperate to just not have them in my life (which ultimately made things worse and got me called a bully for wanting to cut out people actively tearing me apart)

A break for positivity, reading all sorts of cool books during lunch

Okay. Had a crow call my name, repeatedly. When I made it to High School, it did move there. It does occasionally find me, continuing to call my name.

Had everyone constantly shipping me with everybody. Constantly. Any guy I talk to? Clearly they're my "soulmate" and I need to date them. -eyeroll-

Jumping back in time, we used to camp with a giant group of my parent's friends, and we all love Scooby Doo. We'd spend every year trying to do a show of some sorts. One year, we made a horror film (which is really more of a comedy, but anyways)

Spent time as a kid playing catch with the wind. (Tossing a giant frisbee into the air, it would hover for a few seconds, then come back to me)

Had 2 friends be given the "it's them or us" choice. First one chose the new group, bullied me out of our friendship. Second one chose me, held it over my head. Learned the lesson that it's best to bow out.

Frequently late to school (high school) due to the school bus picking us up late. Got made fun of for that.

My friends became obsessed with locking out bad emotions, and pushed me to lock up all my emotions except seeming happy to them.

Things time in such weird ways, and I can't even explain that

Randomly picking up phones before they ring.

Was told off by a random city bus driver because I couldn't see the accident (no one else on the bus saw, but he took out his anger on me)

{I should mention, I was once told I was a bully magnet. Like, went to this class specifically for people who are outcasts... they made me the designated outcast... of outcasts. That kind of hurt}

I constantly learn something new that I have normalized as "this is life", only to find out that it's so absolutely not. E.g. having bad fevers with a period isn't always normal. Nor is feeling like one is dying... anyways...

Being treated as a Reserved Sign in High School for the tables in the cafeteria during our free... even when there are other tables available.

After a car accident (MINOR car accident), being told by the doctor that I'm lucky to be alive, let alone the fact that I was the only one with minor whiplash

Being laid off during the solar eclipse (and having a minor surgery pre-planned later that same week, and my car being fixed magically too)

Said lay off came with the bonus of being able to spend time with visiting family which was a great coincidence

On the other negative thing, learning that abusive work conditions are often the same red flags as relationship ones. Same names, different 'this is what it looks like'.