#actually see any of the ‘face’ cuz of perspective. i may be a little stupid <//3

[motherforthefamicom]

ahhhh gay ppl jumpscare 💥💥💥

[quirrrky]

CHOOSE YOUR YANDERE ●_● HAIKYUU BOYS EDITION  (Part 1) ✧

PART 2 ✧ PART 3

Here’s your new round of yandere selection featuring some of our hq boys! Reminder: I love ‘em boys and this is just for fun!

Rating: T+ Warning: Mild psychological triggers (mentions of kinks and stuff) Selected characters only ~(⊕⌢⊕)~

HINATA SHOYO aka THE ANNOYING TANGERINE (but still loveable tho)

This fella’ follows you all the time!

Asks you tons of questions and invites you to a lot things

Pretty persistent about getting your heart and making him a part of your life

Very chatty and energetic…Will never leave your side

If it’s possible, he’ll tie himself around you (please don’t inform him of this idea, he might actually do this)

Calls you when you finally gets home, he’ll climb your window if you won’t answer

Attempts of avoiding him is close to impossible

He’s like…everywhere

Literally threatens and challenges all the other guys who come near you (they better not!)

He’d do anything and everything in his power to win

He’s pretty delusional too thinking that you might actually like him back if he keeps on “trying his best” to win you

Tbh, he thinks you’re actually liking him back O_O

When you’re being hard to “talk to”, he has that look on his face like he’s so in it for the kill

Despite it all, he can never bring himself to hurt you

“Oh, Y/N. Why haven’t you answered my calls? I’ve been calling you for like…78 times already! I got so worried that I sneak into your bedroom. Hehehe~ I’ll talk to you ’til you fall asleep. Then…I’ll watch you.” Eyes wide staring into you.

Danger level: 40% Pet peeve: You avoiding or ignoring him

KAGEYAMA TOBIO aka THE CRUEL KING

He’s not called ‘The King’ for nothing, y’know

When he’s set his eyes on you, no one’s stopping this guy

At first, he was in awe of you and puts you in a pedestal like some kind of an idol or sum’n

You liked that about him add that he knows you like it’s natural

You thought it was a soulmate connection but think again!

Little did you know that he followed you and studied your every movement

Also knew your daily schedule and routine and imitated your way of life

Once he finally got you, the King shows up

He saw many errors in your way thus he wanted to bring out the “best” in you

Doesn’t hurt you tho, but he lacks consideration 

Or he may actually hurt you at times when he got totally irritated

Loves pushing you to the limit…more than your body can bear (and it’s not volleyball we’re talking about here)

Will rile you up until you lose consciousness (doesn’t matter if you’re hurting or what)

You’re wondering where that stamina was coming from and…

Don’t think it sexy cuz you’re basically a slave here who just does what he orders you to do (unless you really like it, yknow)

Worst part of it all, you’re starting to like it and before you even know it, he got you all wrapped around his finger

“I’m doing you so good so keep up with my pace! Too slow! You’re too slow! Are you even moving?” He lashed out on you then followed up through his gritted teeth. “What are you saying you can’t feel your legs anymore? We’re not even getting there yet.”

Danger level: 50% Pet peeve: Your sheer incompetence

TSUKISHIMA KEI aka THE SCHEMING BLOCKER

This guy’s smart, so he’s probably planning an effective course of action to monopolize you without you even noticing it

No, he won’t eliminate anyone (not that we are aware of??? srsly, this guy could stage his innocence for a murder)

But he’s so good at setting you up that you can only see him

You will not know what makes you follow him around and he’s even acting so nonchalantly about it

You don’t know why but he has you begging for his attention

It’s all part of his intricate plan as he carefully analyzed  your behavior

And telling your mind creeping into your subconscious what you should believe in

When he has you all under his control, he’ll waste no time to tease and deny you

This guy’s degrading kink gaming is strong

Will call you names, literally belittles you for his amusement (just bc he’s tall lololol)

Yet you kept liking it more and more

Until he’s seriously the only one on your mind and on your sight clearly blocking any aspect of this universe in your perspective BUT HIM

Loves playing you around

Secretly turned on when you talk back (it makes him want tease you even more)

“Oh, I never thought you like me that much, huh, midget.“ He evilly chuckled (it’s sexy don’t @ me) and grinned at you looking down. “What if I say I’m not convinced enough? What would you do? Ahh, don’t talk back to me with that stupid little mouth of yours. You might not like what’s gonna happen next…”

Danger level: 70% Pet peeve: Your stupid ass (but he kinda’ likes that too)

YAMAGUCHI TADASHI aka YOUR HUMBLE SERVER

Like Hinata, this guy will follow you around but…

He possesses a beyond normal amount of servitude (which will only show when you get to be with him for longer)

Worships you and offers to be your servant

For him, there’s nothing more beautiful and wonderful but you

It’s not difficult to like him back, he’s really adorable and gentle and normal (?)

Until, he’s gradually getting overboard with lowering himself before you

Very obsessed with you like everything he does is for you in an extremely overrated manner

Like if you’re a girl, he’s even more aware of your period more than you are

Even this sweet being can have a possessive side tho he seemed like can’t hurt anybody

You wouldn’t know it but people who try to cross you are shivering in their legs under his rather stealth intimidation

Will lie for you, steal for you and kill for you

Loves you that much he showers you with affection in a way you can never let go of him even if his moments of self-deprecation is disturbing

Adores you even more when you talk down on him

Even if you want out, you can’t cuz you’re scaredt of what he’ll do to himself if you leave (TT-TT he’s such a bean)

“It’s raining, you can use my umbrella if you don’t have one. I’m perfectly fine under the rain, it’s just a little drizzle. Oh there’s a puddle! Here, you can step on my-“ NO PLEASE DON’T! TT-TT

Danger level: 30% Pet peeve: Things and people that makes you uncomfortable

⁺˚*·✧ request guidelines ✧⁺˚*·

[monaownsmyass]

New Perspective

If you have any fic ideas or requests you'd like me to write, you can leave me an ask!

Book: My Two First Loves, Chapter 51

Pairing: Ava Lawrence x MC (Emma Price)

Genre : Fluff

Rating: PG13

Word Count: 4,511

A/N: What would’ve happened if MC went college touring with Ava in Ava’s PoV. A certain couple also makes an appearance and gives Ava some advice 😉

Tag list: @ineedskyecrandall @kamilahsayeet2063 @avalawrencefl @lovekamilahsayeed @thequeenkamilahsayeed @heygmicheelle @djtjsmith14 @jjlover01 @soft-for-drake (lmk if anyone would like to be included or removed in my next fics.)

I stopped outside Emma's house by her driveway and honked. I knew she saw me 'cuz she was sitting on her porch steps but I still did it anyway.

"Get in, loser! We're going college hunting!"

She looked down and shook her head as she made her way to my car but I saw that smile on her lips.

She opened the passenger's side door and got in. She closed it before she looked at me and said, "For the record, that was highly unnecessary."

"For the record, where's the fun in not doing it?"

She rolled her eyes but I knew she was the complete opposite of annoyed.

When I first asked her if she wanted to go college touring with me, I was hesitant. It took me the whole day to decide whether or not I should've sent that message. Eventually, I thought 'Screw it!' and hit the send button. Instant regret flooded me as soon as I did and I left my phone unattended for the next few hours, dreading to see what her reply was.

It normally wouldn't have been such a big deal. She was my best friend after all. However, after that day when Mackenzie asked us to model for her, things became... awkward. It wasn't a bad awkward but we became kinda nervous around each other. I thought back to the day where I figured out that maybe, the girl I was crushing on, my best friend, had a crush on me too.

"I wanna capture the real you," I remember Mack saying vividly. You two have been friends forever! You gotta be able to come up with something!"

"Well, in that case..." Emma glanced at Mack and then at me. Just being under her gaze was enough to make me lose my train of thought. "Ava, come sit on my lap!"

My eyes widened but I caught myself, not wanting to be obvious. I cleared my throat and decided to tease her back. I smirked and placed my hand on my hip.

"Should I give you a lap dance while I'm at it?"

I did not expect the next words to come out of Emma's mouth.

"I mean, if you think it'll look good for the cameras..." she flirted back, speaking low in an enticing voice.

My breath hitched. It's not as if we haven't flirted before, we definitely have. Platonically flirting with each other was something we've always done. But this wasn't it. It felt more than that, it wasn't friendly at all. I could feel the tension between us as she looked me straight in the eye. Her eyes burnt into mine and I could see the want in them.

Any longer and I would've passed out.

I shook myself out of my daze and I sauntered up to her. The show must go on anyway. I wrapped my arms around her neck and painstakingly slowly slid myself down onto her lap, my entire body brushing against hers. The friction between us felt electric on my skin.

I was breathless at the close contact but I managed to ask, "How's this?"

"Great!" Emma squeaked out in a high-pitched voice.

Oh?

Just a few seconds ago she was making come-hither eyes at me and was acting all confident. Now she was a blushing, stuttering mess. This wasn't just two friends playing around, was it? The excitement I felt and the way she squirmed in her seat told me otherwise.

"So feisty, I dig it!" Mackenzie called from behind the camera. I almost totally forgot that Emma's little sister was photographing us. But I wasn't done yet.

My heart was pounding so hard in my chest but I had to know if I made Emma nervous the same way she did me, butterflies in stomach and all that.

I brushed my fingers lightly against the side of her face, stroking her soft skin before placing a gentle kiss. I brushed my lips against her cheek and saw her eyes widen and mouth opened, agape.

I felt her tense under me and hesitantly let her hand rest around my waist.

I could feel the heat radiating off her body and I was sure she could feel the same coming from me.

I leaned in close to her ear, my breath skimming her earlobe and whispered, "Relax." I felt her shudder and saw goosebumps appear on her skin.

Interesting.

"Perfect! I got it!" Mackenzie announced, causing me to spring apart from Emma.

"Oh!" Emma said, flustered. "Good, good."

After that situation, we kinda avoided each other a little. Don't get me wrong, we didn't go out of our way to not talk or see each other, but we didn't make the effort to do reach out either which is very unlike us.

A week later was when I decided to invite her to join me in college touring. I missed her and I knew ignoring whatever that was going on between us wasn't gonna help the situation either. I admit that part of me had asked her to follow me in the hopes that we could finally talk about it. Which explains why I was so nervous went I sent her that text.

To my great relief, she responded with a very enthusiastic, 'I'd love to!' when I checked my phone much later that day.

And here we are now, me in the driver's seat and her in the passenger's of my sedan, blasting music and on the way to some college. I glanced at her to find her already looking at me. Instinctively, she averted her gaze but just as quickly, she looked back at me. I guess she figured there was no point hiding.

"What?" I questioned with a smile, eyes back on the road.

"Nothing," she paused. "I just feel like I haven't seen you in a while."

"We see each other everyday."

"I know, smartass," she responded, laughing. "I mean, I feel like I haven't actually seen you for a while. How are you?"

The statement brought heat to my cheeks and I didn't need to look at her to know her eyes were piercing through my soul, wanting to know if there was truth behind the words that would pass my lips.

"I'm good." And it was true. Now that she was here, I've never felt better.

We made it to the first place on our list, Hartfeld University, which was also the school Emma was aiming for. We looked around together and I noticed that she was particularly interested in a cinematography course that was definitely perfect for her.

As we explore the campus, I could see her eyes light up and I knew she was exactly where she was suppose to be. I was happy for her but I couldn't help but feel a little jealous and insecure about my own future. I was so unsure and uncertain about what I wanted to do it made me anxious.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Emma asked me quietly as we walked through the courtyard.

"Hm?"

"You seem kinda spaced out. What's up?"

"Ugh," I sighed. "It's gonna sound stupid but I just realised how in over my head I am about this whole college thing!"

"It's not stupid, it's normal."

"Maybe, but god, I'm already uncertain about the present, how am I suppose to know what I wanna do in the future?"

Opening up to Emma had always been easy. She was a calming presence and whenever she was around me, I felt at ease.

She slowed down beside me and gazed at me. Once again, I felt nervous. "Uncertain about the present?" My palms sweated up as she spoke her next words. "What do you mean?" she asked even though I knew she knew exactly what I meant.

This was the moment I was waiting for, right? To finally confront my feelings about her and confirm hers. To finally have a talk about us. But I didn't. It was the main reason I asked her to tag along but yet, I wasn't ready. And to be honest, I'm not sure if I ever was gonna be ready.

"It's okay," I said. "If you're done here let's head on to the next uni."

"Okay," she uttered. I could sense the disappointment, as if she wanted me to share more. As if she was hoping I was gonna bring it up.

I ignored it and drove to the next place on out list.

After a few more stops, we finally made it the uni of my top pick; Belvoire University.

We made our way around the campus and looking at all the students there made me feel intimidated but having Emma by my side grounded me. I found myself wondering how on earth I could've ever felt awkward around her over the past week. She was my calm in the storm and I definitely would've been having a panic attack without her.

But then I felt her hand graze against mine as we walked and I suddenly remembered why. As much as she calmed my thoughts, she was also the cause of it to go into overdrive.

My initial instinct was to move away and brush it off as an accident but with everything that had happened between us lately, could it have been intentional? My mind raced. I may not have been ready to talk about it but that didn't mean I couldn’t act on it and test the waters.

Steeling myself, I decided to take the leap of faith. I sucked in a breath and let my hand brush against hers, as light as a feather. I felt her hand stiffen and for a moment, I thought I misread the entire situation and made a mistake. Our friendship has been put through the wringer and I don't think I could take it if anything else happened.

But something did happen. Something that would change our relationship as we knew.

She reached out and held my hand.

This action may seem small but it was the hugest thing to me. We've never held hands before and it felt strangely intimate. Maybe it was because I've never held hands with a girl, let alone a girl I liked, but the contact sent a jolt up my arm and through the rest of my body.

I turned my head to Emma's direction to find a small grin playing on her lips. I glanced down at our intertwined hands. My heart fluttered and I felt myself smiling at the sight.

So this is what it feels like.

We continued to walk down the pathway in comfortable silence, arms swinging slightly by our sides with our hands still in each other's. The soft hand in mine felt nothing like the rough ones I was used to. It was different. A good different. A better different.

Eventually, we came to a point where we decided to part ways to explore on our own since we wanted to check out different things. Emma's hand slipped out of mine and I ached to grab it and never let her go. But I stopped myself and watched her leave my side, waving me a goodbye.

"We'll meet back here when we're done, okay?"

"Okay," I nodded, trying to mask the disappointment and anxiety I felt without her by my side in a foreign place despite finally feeling like I could be myself here.

Gripping the pamphlet in my hand, I strode to one of the buildings but almost immediately realised I had no clue where I was going. I looked around, trying to decide who I should ask for help. I saw a bunch of rowdy frats boys and snobbish sorority girls and made the subconscious decision to steer clear of them.

I peered around more and my eyes landed on two girls sitting by a picnic table by themselves. They were giggling with their arms around each other. They looked like they were in a world of their own even though there were plenty of people around them. Something about them drew me towards them. Before I could think about it, my feet led me to their direction.

"Uh, hi!" I interrupted, announcing my presence to the,. Both heads turned to look at me. "Sorry to intrude, but I was wondering if you could help me?"

"Sure thing! What can we do for ya?" replied one of the girls with a slight country twang.

"Well, I'm touring the university and I think I'm a little lost," I chuckled nervously.

"Oh, babe," the other girl in a pineapple jacket said to me sympathetically.

'Babe?' I thought, feeling myself blush. I knew it was friendly but being called that by someone pretty was bound to have that effect on anyone.

"Forget the touring, if you want to survive Belvoire, you gotta know how things are run here."

That piqued my interest.

"What do you mean?"

Both girls just looked at each other.

"You might want to take a seat for this one."

I did and they explained all the essentials I needed to know. By the time they were done, I was pretty sure I was staring at them in disbelief.

"Oh," was all I could say in response.

"Yeah, Belvoire isn't for the faint of heart," explained the girl with the accent. "I swear the only reason I'm still here is 'cuz of this amazing woman right here." She nudged the girl beside her and smiled.

"You give me too much credit, darling."

They leaned in and kissed each other. When they pulled back, they stared into each other's eyes, smiling softly at the other. They looked so in love. I wondered if I could ever have that. Not only being crazy in love with someone who felt the same way towards me but being comfortable and confident enough to show that love off to the world.

I may have been staring too long and hard at them even though I was lost in my thoughts 'cuz one of them asked, "what's wrong?", breaking my reverie.

"Nothing," I shook my head. "You guys are just cute together."

"Tell us something we don't know," joked the girl in pineapples and I laughed along but then she added, "So who's the girl?"

I froze. "Wh-what?"

"I was once where you are at one point in time. I know that look. And I know that you're dying to talk to someone about it so c'mon, you can tell us."

I sighed. There was no point denying it.

"My best friend," I muttered and hid my face behind my hands. "Who also likes these two other guys."

"Oh, babe," she said again.

"I know. I know, but I can't help it, she just feels... right. Like we were made for each other." I slapped my palm against my forehead at my words. "That sounded pretty cheesy, huh?"

"A little," the other girl giggled. "But trust me, if it's true, it's true." She took her girlfriend's hand and kissed it.

"Okay, cheeseballs, let's get back on topic." Pineapple Girl said but she was grinning. "Do you know if she likes you back?"

I scrunched my brows. "I think so? I mean, I can’t say for sure but I do have a strong feeling she might."

"Here's my advice. Just go for it. Even if ya think you have the slimmest chance, just go ahead and try your luck," said Country Girl. "And that goes for anything in life."

"But we've been friends for years, and I don't want to screw it up if things go south."

"But could you live with yourself if you never tried?" asked Pineapple Girl. "Could you settle for good if you knew you had the chance to make it better? Every stroke a painter does could risk their masterpiece but it's also another step closer to creating something beautiful, so go create something beautiful.

"Okay, Plato, when did you become so philosophical and wise," her girlfriend teased.

"You still have a lot to learn about me, love."

"Looking forward to it."

They continued their flirty banter but their words stuck with me and struck something within me, which made me ponder. Would I risk our friendship for something greater? Could I?

"I may have another problem," I interrupted. "I'm not exactly out. To anyone."

"Not the most progressive place you live in?" asked Country Girl.

I snorted. "You could say that."

"All I have to say is people will surprise ya."

"I'm just scared people will start treating me differently and stop talking to me."

"They aren't worth your time anyway, then. But I grew up in the Midwest and maybe I was lucky, but I definitely didn't have it as bad as I thought I would. I'm not saying you should come out if ya don't want to, but if you're ready, I suggest giving people a chance."

"Hey, worse come to worst, you're leaving for college soon anyway, so it would be the perfect place to start over," Pineapple Girl joked. "Belvoire might be a hellhole at times but our sexuality isn't a grievance here."

Listening to them made me see things in a new light. Maybe I was ready to deal with the feelings between Emma and I. I looked around and saw all the college students minding their own business and realised I had no reason to be intimidated. They didn't bother that I was some high school kid. They just didn't care.

And usually, I'd be extremely cautious about my every action, not wanting to give away the fact that I was not as straight as everyone back home thought. That I was gay, a lesbian. But being here, with Emma, when I was holding her hand, that wariness faded and I felt like I could finally breathe easy again.

Just then, I spotted a familiar figure making her way towards us. Even in a place full of eccentric people with unique personalities like Belvoire, she still shined the brightest. Like a diamond in the rough, a rose among thorns. And I was proud that I got to call her my best friend. My first love.

"Hi!" she greeted me with a smile. "I was wondering where you went."

"Hey, how was touring?" I asked, gesturing her to sit beside me.

"So boring without you." She pouted and grabbed onto my arm. My skin under her palm tingled. "But the people here are definitely... interesting though."

"You can say that again," Country Girl said with a laugh.

"Oh, right," I said, forgetting that we were in company. "Emma, these are-" I paused and turned my attention towards them. "Sorry, I don't think I caught your names."

They laughed and Pineapple Girl introduced her and her girlfriend.

"I'm Zoey and this lovely woman right here, is Bea."

"I'm Ava, by the way."

Emma also gave them a little wave and a smile to be polite.

"Well it's nice to meet you, Ava, Emma." She checked her phone and looked up to address me again.  "As much fun as it was talking to you, Bea and I have somewhere we need to be soon."

"Oh, sorry, I didn't mean to take up that much of your time."

"It's fine, babe." At the mention of the pet name, I felt Emma beside me tighten her grip that was on my arm. I raised a brow. Was she jealous? "It was nice talking to you."

Emma and I moved to get up and Emma was a few paces in front of me when Zoey called out to me.

"Ava, hold on just a moment."

I turned to look at her. "Yeah?"

"She likes you too, I can tell."

Bea butted in, teasing. "Zoey would know, right, bestie?"

Zoey rolled her eyes but pulled her girlfriend in closer to her to give her a side hug.

I caught up to Emma and we made our way back to my sedan.

So I wasn't just imagining thing.

It was gonna be sundown soon but I wasn't ready to say goodbye to Emma just yet. It's been hours but I still have yet to do the thing I mainly invited her for. And as if she read my mind, she spoke up.

"Where to next?"

I looked at her, confused. "Um, home?"

"Oh," she said softly.

"Unless," I quickly interjected. "You want to do something else? Before I send you back?"

From the corner of my eye, I saw her bite her lip and give a tiny nod. "I don't want to say good bye to you yet."

My heart did a flip at her words and at the tone of her shy voice.

"Me too," I admitted and saw smile. "Alright, I know exactly where to take you."

I drove us to an open field that was seemingly in the middle of nowhere. I parked alongside a few other cars and Emma glanced around. She took in the sight of the other cars and then noticed the big screen in front of us.

"We're at a drive-in theatre?!" She asked, shouting.

"Yeah, I've been meaning to check this place out ever since I heard about it. And since it's on the way and I know you've always wanted to go to one so I thought why not." 

She stared at me, speechless.

"Unless this was a complete mistake and you want to go somewhere else then it's-"

"No! No, nothing like that!" She cut me of as she lunged towards me, wrapping her arms around my neck. "Thank you!"

"Oh!" I returned her hug, resting my arms around her waist while chuckling. "You're welcome."

She squeezed me tighter before pulling back to her side again. I could feel myself blush furiously even minutes later. We talked for a bit before the movie started playing.

It was hard to focus on the film playing on the giant screen in front of us when beside me was the most gorgeous girl I knew. Her hand rested beside mine in between us.

My eyes may have been directed straight ahead but I was hyperaware of the tiny gap separating our fingers. Any closer and it would touch.

Fortunately, I didn't have to wait long to see what would happen next. Emma's pinky brushed against mine and I averted my gaze down towards our hands. That simple gesture was a dare, a taunt. 'Come on, do it'. Ironically, it was also all the encouragement I needed.

I hooked my pinky around hers, waiting for her to pull back but she didn't. Slowly, I placed my hand on top of hers and gently squeezed. She took the next initiative to finally turn her hand so her palm met mine as our fingers interlaced.

I sighed, letting out a shaky breath which caught her attention. Her eyes shot in my direction and that action caused me to do the same to her. Her gaze glanced down at our interlocked hands and immediately back up to my eyes. She stared at me as I stared at her, the movie long forgotten. I could see the flame in her eyes as they bore into mine.

And in that moment, there was nothing in the entire universe I wanted more than to just kiss her.

I found myself leaning forward and maybe it was too dark to tell, but I was certain I saw her do the same.

I stopped myself before moving any further. My brows furrowed even as my eyes searched her pretty brown ones. Was I willing to risk our friendship? What we had was good. I thought back to Zoey's words. It was good. But it could be better. And I sure as hell would rather try than remain wondering what could've been.

"Ava," she drew out just above a whisper.

Maybe I wasn't ready to talk about it, I don't know when I'll ever be. But action speaks louder than words and I wanted to be as loud as possible. I was tired of pretending and hiding and I didn't want to wait any longer.

I held the back of her neck and crashed our lips together. The instant our lips met, I melted into a sigh. If I thought feeling her body pressed against mine was electric, the way her lips felt on mine was explosive.

I was invigorated from the way her lips moved on mine, exhilarated from the way her hands grasped onto my shirt, intoxicated from the way the scent of her perfume fogged my sense. Energy surged through my body and chills ran up my spine.

If this is what kissing was supposed to feel like I never wanted it to end.

Her hands left my shirt to travel down my arms and then to the small of my back. Her touch even through my clothes was making me heady. She bit my lip and that's when I lost it.

"Oh, Em!" I moaned into the kiss, unable to help myself.

The sound seemed to push her further. Never breaking the kiss, she got up from her seat to cross over to mine. She straddled my lap and locked her arms around my neck. My hands gripped her hips in response.

My body burnt as we kept kissing. She was driving me crazy.

"God, Ava," she groaned softly which ignited a fire within me. "You're amazing."

"Mm," I hummed in acknowledgement as my hands trailed to her thighs, giving them a squeeze.

The kiss was slow and intense. It was emotional and personal. I could sense that she was as eager as I was but we kept our pace, taking our time and enjoying the feel of the other against our own until we finally broke apart.

"You have no idea how long I've been waiting for that," I panted, my arms encircling her waist to pull her closer into me.

She giggled and gave me a kiss on the forehead. She still had her arms around my neck as she brought my head to her chest and rested hers on top of mine. I could feel her heart beat going a mile a minute. "I have some idea."

She pulled away to look at me.

"What?" I questioned, laughing.

"Earlier I told you I feel like I haven't actually seen you in a while. What I meant to say was that you are absolutely breathtaking and beautiful and awe-inspiring and I can't believe I'm lucky enough to be here with you."

I let out a huge grin at her confession.

"I feel the same way about you," I whispered before pulling her back into another kiss.

As we kissed, the only space that existed was us in my car. The movie playing, the other people, everything outside, it was all distant. It was all in the background. The only thing that mattered then was Emma and I in that moment and with every brush of our lips, we were creating something beautiful.

Together.

(More fics!)

~*~*~

Bonus scene!

“Zo!” I felt my girlfriend nudge me.

“Yeah, babe?” My eyes that were trained on the screen averted to look at her.

“Is that Ava over there?”

“The girl we met earlier?” I squinted in the direction she was pointing at. Despite it being dark, I could still recognise the face and figure shifting in the car parked a few spaces away from ours. “Oh! It is!”

 “And she’s with Emma?”

We watched as they leaned in towards each other. After a short while, Ava grabbed the back of Emma’s neck and their lips connected!

“And now they’re kissing?”

I laughed and said, “She wasted no time with that. I’m proud of her.”

“They’re so cute,” Bea said with a smile, looking back to me.

“They are,” I agreed. “But so are we!”

She giggle and nodded. “Of course we are.”

I gave her a peck on the cheek before resting my head on her shoulder and enjoying the rest of the movie.

[nachotrash]

EVEN MORE INCORRECT QUOTES

ft: me, my best friend (ISAMU, not osamu), and an online friendo (scarlett)

Suga: What’s your name? Tendou, whispering to Yamaguchi: Can I tell them my real name? Yamaguchi: No! Tendou: I’m… Yamaguchi. Yamaguchi, whispering to themselves: The ONE TIME they get my name right…

--------------

Scarlett: Bonjour, Suga. Voulez–vous coucher avec moi? Suga: No, I don't want to sleep with you. Scarlett: Is that what that means? Oh, man, I had a really gross tennis instructor.

-------------

Tendou: I was born for politics. I have great hair and I love lying.

--------------

Isamu: Man, they look like a real handful. How do you deal with them? Iwa, watching Tendou screaming, Lev trying to set a sleeping Shiyu on fire, and Suga choking on air: I don't know either.

--------------

Shiyu: honk. Tendou: WHAT. Shiyu: HONK. Tendou: WHAT DOES HONK MEAN THIS TIME YOU WHIMSICAL PIECE OF SHIT?????

-------------------

Scarlett, as a child, reading their school assignment out loud: I love my library because... Scarlett, mouthing words while writing: I love reading, fuck you.

-------------------

Shiyu: Uh, I think I got your lunch. *Holds up a note that reads: ‘I am very proud of you. Love, ’* Scarlett: Oh yeah. I didn’t think this was for me. *Holds up a note that reads: ‘Be good. For the love of God, Please be good.’*

------------------------

Lev: Between Suga, , Tendou, and Scarlett -- if you had to -- who would you punch? Iwa: No one! They're my friends. I wouldn't punch any of them. Lev: Tendou? Iwa: Yeah, but I don't know why.

-------------------------

Shiyu: What if the person who named Walkie Talkies named everything? Shiyu: Pregnancy tests are Maybe Babies. Tendou: Socks are Feetie Heaties. Yamaguchi: Defibrillators are Heartie Starties. Iwa: Nightmares are Dreamy Screamies. Scarlett: Stamps are Lickie Stickies. Lev: I hate you guys so much.

-----------------

*Everyone is giving adive to Tendou* Iwa: It's okay to ask for help. Scarlett: You're not a burden. Suga: Murder is okay. Yamaguchi: Your feelings matter.

--------------------

Yamaguchi: Noya... Noya: Oh no, 'Noya' in B flat. Noya: You're disappointed.

--------------

Yamaguchi: We’re kind of missing something guys. Suga: Cohesion? Scarlett: Teamwork? Isamu: A general sense of what we’re doing? Lev: And Shiyu is not here. Suga: Oh, and that, yeah.

-------------

Scarlett: Croissants: dropped Suga: Road: works ahead Tendou: BBQ sauce: on my titties Iwa: Shavacado: fre Noya: Miss Keisha: fuckin dead Isamu: Isamu: ...I didn’t understand a single word of that and I hate every single one of you.

--------------

Lev: You don't think I can fight because of my gender! Isamu: I don't think you can fight because you're in a wedding dress. For what it's worth, I don't think Scarlett can fight in that dress either. Scarlett: Perhaps not. But I would make a radiant bride.

---------------------

Yamaguchi: I personally don't think it's possible to come up with a crazier plan. Isamu: We could attack them with hummus. Yamaguchi: I stand corrected. Isamu: Just keeping things in perspective.

-------------------

Iwa, planning a group disguise: You cannot be Blake Bortles. Tendou: Fine! Then I’ll be Jake- Yamaguchi, under their breath: Don’t say Jortles. Tendou: Jortles! And I work at the molotov cocktail department.

----------------------

Noya: Isamu is taking credit for Lev's work, getting them to deal with everything, and making fun of them! You know what they sounds like? Tendou: You? Noya: No, I meant... You know Lev. In spite of being clever and sarcastic they’re also... fragile and weird and they have trouble fitting in. And Isamu is taking advantage of their weakness! You know what that’s called? Tendou: A Noya? Noya: ...Yeah, but I’m the only one who should be allowed to do that, okay?!

----------------------

Iwa: So, did everyone learn their lesson? Tendou: No. Lev: I did not. Isamu: I may have actually forgotten one. Suga: Also no. Iwa: Oh good, neither did I. Yamaguchi: *Exhausted sigh*

----------------

Iwa: That’s illegal, right? Lev: Why do you care? Are you a fucking cop? Iwa: No- Lev: Then shut the fuck up.

-----------------

Shiyu: Are you sure Isamu's even gay? They barely even looked at me.

-----------------

Isamu: What does “take out” mean? Shiyu: Food. Iwa: Dating. Yamaguchi: Murder. Suga: It can be all three if you’re brave enough.

-----------------

Yamaguchi: There is no future. There is no past. Don't you see? Time is simultaneous, an intricately structured jewel that humans insist on viewing one edge at a time, when the whole design is visible in every fact. Suga: ...All I asked was if you wanted to cut your birthday cake first.

-----------

Scarlett: I'm usually that person who has no idea what's going on.

------------

Isamu: But what about Noya? They were my SOULMATE! Yamaguchi: You said that about a ball of yarn once!

(oop- yams jelly)

----------

Suga: What time is it? Iwa: I don’t know, pass me that saxaphone and we’ll find out Iwa: *BLASTS the saxaphone* Scarlett: WHO THE FUCK IS PLAYING THE SAXAPHONE AT TWO IN THE FUCKING MORNING Iwa: It’s 2 am

------------

Noya: Your smile? It makes my day. Scarlett: Your happiness? I live for that. Lev: A room? Get one. Tendou: Hotel? Trivago.

(LETS GOOOOOOOOOO)

------------------

Suga, about Shiyu: They're speaking some kind of French. Lev: Let me handle it. I speak Spanish. It's the same thing.

(when im speaking dutch)

-----------------

Scarlett: I give up. I am so tired. Tendou: Get the emergency supply! Shiyu: *carries Noya and places them in front of Scarlett* Noya: *smiles* Scarlett: AND I AM BACK BABY, LET’S GOOO

-----------------

Isamu: I never said I was gonna get back together with them. But I was thinking, they're in town, would it be the worst thing in the world if I gave them a call? Yamaguchi: No. No, Isamu, it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world. It would be the fourth worst thing. Number one: a super volcano. Number two: an asteroid hits the Earth. Number three: All the Evel Knievel movies are lost. Number four: Isamu calls Tendou. Number five: Suga gets eaten by a shark. Suga: I’m Suga, and I approve the order of that list.

(oooo isamu and tendou---)

---------------

Isamu: From now on we will be using code names. Isamu: You can address me as Eagle One. Isamu: Scarlett is “been there done that”. Isamu: Suga is “currently doing that”. Isamu: Noya is “it happened once in a dream”. Isamu: Shiyu is “if I had to pick a dude/gal/enby”. Isamu: And Iwa is.. Isamu: Eagle Two Iwa: Oh thank god.

-----------

Iwa: *points at Lev* A human turtleneck, *points at Suga* a narcissistic monster, *points at Yamaguchi* and literally the dumbest person I’ve ever met. Yamaguchi: And who am I? Describe me now.

-----------------

Yamaguchi: Fight me! Shiyu, standing behind them and holding a knife: *mouths* Do not.

--------------------

Iwa: Isamu... How do I begin to explain Isamu? Shiyu: Isamu is flawless. Noya: I hear their hair's insured for $10,000. Tendou: I hear they do car commercials... in Japan. Lev: One time they punched me in the face... it was awesome.

(ok but like, they aint wrong tho. also samu punches lev in the face the whole time)

------------------

Lev: If I say I love you, will you say it back? Isamu: Yes. Lev: I love you. Isamu: It back. *Later* Scarlett: Why is Lev crying face-down on the floor?

(cuz he tried to bond with his cousin but failed)

-------------------

Iwa: Suga is a perfect cinnamon scone who’s never done anything wrong in their entire life! Yamaguchi: Never done anything wrong?! They set a city block on FIRE!

(fanon suga vs canon suga)

--------------------

Shiyu, in the hospital: Will you visit me when I get out? Scarlett: Lol nah, I hate graveyards.

-------------------

Iwa: If you put 'violently' in front of anything to describe your action, it becomes funnier. Iwa: Violently practices. Shiyu: Violently studies. Scarlett: Violently sleeps. Tendou: Violently shoots pictures. Isamu: Violently boxes. Noya: Violently murders people. Scarlett: Violently worries about the previous statement.

--------------

Noya: You know, when Iwa comes over, Suga can get a little… Tendou: Psycho? Shiyu: Scary? Scarlett: Drunk? Noya: All three.

----------------

Shiyu: Love makes people do stupid things. Yamaguchi: I love everything! Shiyu: That explains a lot.

[candle-light-writings]

Practise Makes Perfect

Colossus x Mutant!Reader

Summary: Piotr helps you with your powers. 

Word Count: 2.0K+ 

A/N: tfw you say “the next fic will be out in a few days” comes out a week later. I’ve been managing my time poorly :’) and I’ve been so worried about school (even tho it’s holidays). I’m gonna get my shit together.

But yeah, I’m back with the magnetic mutant!reader. I actually want to write a bunch of them with different powers (big oof) cuz I like this concept sm.

Also, I guess this is related to Magnetic where it establishes the reader’s powers. This is more like a prequel, cuz they’re sorta young in this one and uh yeah :D Enjoy

——————————————————————————————————————————

“Y/N, you’re awake!” You heard a relieved voice greet you. You groaned as you have just woken up from a deep slumber. You felt sore all over your body as you sat up. You don’t remember what happened. When you finally opened your eyes, you looked around to see where you were. The first thing you saw was Piotr, who was sitting on a chair beside your bed.

Oh, you were in your room.

Wait a minute...

“Fuck,” You cursed and shoved your face in your hands, “not again.” Now you remembered what happened.

”How long have I been out, Pete?” You asked Piotr, realising he wasn’t in his steel form. You remembered that you were training with him some night ago, and apparently you fainted.

“Well...two days.” Piotr, smiled nervously. You sighed.

Two days. Well, at least it wasn’t a week. You were getting better at recovering from the excessive use of your powers. You should’ve just practise with the coins.

~two days ago~

“We should make this quick. I can only handle lifting objects your size for a few seconds without fainting.” You said as you and Piotr arrived at the garden. It was best to practise at night because everyone would be asleep; you would be able to focus. The downside is that you were anxious about using your powers on Piotr. There was the infamous case of him being accidentally pulled towards you, and you guys were stuck for a while.

“Da, I’m sure you’ll do great, Y/N.” Piotr said. Your face warmed up, which you shook it off. As expected of Piotr- his positive demeanour always lifts you up a little.

For the night, you would spend an hour, with breaks of course, trying to build up your willpower. You had trouble attracting and controlling objects twice your size to the point you would avoid using them. Piotr noticed this and suggested that you should use him for practise. You were already getting better at pushing, pulling and lifting small objects,  but Piotr thought it would be a good idea to expand your skills, thus, using him.

At first you disagreed because you didn’t want to hurt him (which was true. How could you ever hurt a sweetheart like him?). Most importantly, you were afraid of blacking out. The first time you barely lifted up a car to save someone, you had to stay in bed for two weeks.

You grimaced at the memory while stretching your arms.

“Don’t push yourself too far. If you’re tired, let go.” He reminded you. You nodded as you positioned yourself, raising your hands and facing them towards him. “Y/N, I mean it. It’s okay to let go if you can’t hold me up for long. We can always try again.” Piotr comforted you. You appreciated how supportive he was, and how considerate he was of your capabilities, but you were determined to get a hold of your powers. You were tired of things not going your way. 

“Thanks, Pete, but I’ll be fine.” You said

Piotr grinned then walked off until he was a few metres away from you. “Whenever you’re ready.” He called out, giving you the thumbs up.

First, you closed your eyes and took some deep breaths. You were still unsure if you wanted to use your powers on him. There was the possibility of everything going wrong. You were already regretting the decision of agreeing to use your powers on him to enhance your abilities. You could accidentally shoot him miles up  n the air, or worse: you’d push him with so much force that you sent him crashing in the mansion. You wanted to do this right. The fear of hurting him overwhelmed you. This was the first time you were actually using your powers on him. And you hated it. You hated it so much. You wished that you never had these stupid powers--

“Y/N,” You felt his hand on your shoulder. You gasped and snapped your eyes open. You looked up to see him standing right in front of you. “breathe.” He said gently, giving that kind, reassuring smile. It immediately made your anxious thoughts on hold. You didn’t even realise how fast you were breathing now. You looked down and focused on your breathing again. Amidst all of the worrying, he must’ve came back to you and remind you that whatever you’re thinking about is irrational. That was enough to calm you down.

“I’m sorry.” You whispered. Piotr patted your shoulder with care. “No need to be, Y/N. Don’t be afraid because I’ll be okay. You have my word. Trust me.” With that, Piotr went back to his position. Patiently waiting, and still wearing that encouraging smile.

Just do it or else we’ll be here all night if I don’t do anything. You thought, and this time, once you were in the right headspace, you looked at Piotr and focused on lifting him up. ‘God, he’s heavy!’ You thought in frustration which turned into determination because you were going to lift his goddamn steel ass  off the ground. You guessed that his weight in that form could be more than you could handle. You were doing just fine otherwise. 

You saw Piotr steading himself, indicating that your powers were working. Get. UP! Drops of sweat began to form around your forehead.  Every part of you was now in excruciating pain.

“Woah- Y/N, you’re doing it!” Piotr said as he was now levitating 5 feet off the ground. “That’s it! Now just hold it!” If you hadn’t closed your eyes, you would’ve seen him proudly beaming at you. You were too busy using every muscle and nerve to hold him in the air for at least 15 seconds.

Piotr began timing you.

“...3...4...5...”

‘COUNT FASTER!’ You gritted your teeth, but had to yell out as if you were releasing the pain in your arms and it would give you extra strength. Jesus Christ, you knew you were a goner the moment you let him go. Your mind slipped for a second and Piotr felt it. Luckily you made it passed 10 seconds.

“13...14...15- Y/N that’s it! You can let go now!” You yelled again as you immediately withdrew your powers. You tried to keep your balance. As your eyes were still closed, you were now panting heavily and bullets of sweat dripped off from your face. Everything hurt; mind and body. The world felt like it was rapidly spinning around you, and you felt like you were going to faint. Piotr landed on the ground with a heavy thud and saw you swaying side to side. “Y/N?” He called your name, already jogging towards you. You didn’t hear him calling out to you because of the massive headache you had.

‘Don’t faint. Don’t you dare faint’ was all you thought to yourself.

It was too much for you to handle.

“Bozhe moi, Y/N!”

~now~

“Don’t worry, Y/N, you will get better at using your powers.”

“Piotr, please, I feel like I’m slowly killing myself. I don’t think I can do this any longer.” You sighed. You just wanted to give up and go home. Maybe living in isolation will keep you and everyone else safe. It was harsh thought, but it was for the best.

“No, you will do this. I promised the Professor that I will help you.” Piotr said.

“You’ve helped enough, Piotr. I don’t want to do that every again,” You growled “and I don’t want your help anymore.”

“Well you need it.” Piotr insisted.

“No I don’t!” You snapped and glared at him. He winced when you raised your voice. Guilty, you looked down at your hands. How could you yell at him? He was just trying to help get over your fears. If it weren’t for him agreeing to help you control your magnetism, you would’ve been constantly stabbed by knives, needles or hit by a car. You might’ve even lost your sanity.

“You’re just...better than me.” You began. “And I’m just scared. I’m scared that I’ll die from not being able to control my powers. I don’t want to this anymore.”

“Y/N...we’ve been doing this for three weeks.” Piotr told you. Three weeks? You looked at him in disbelief.

“Are you serious?”

“Da.”

You facepalmed and laid back down on the bed.

“Oh my fucking God. Three weeks! It felt like forever!” You whined and Piotr laughed lightly.

“I know that you’re finding this painful, but it’s all part of the process. It will pay off in the future. Just think that you’re doing yourself a favour.”

“What about you? You have it easy! I never see you in pain when you’re using your powers!” You complained.

“My experiences are different from yours, Y/N. I don’t think you know what I’ve been through before I met you. I’ve been in your place too.”

For some reason, you felt that he had a tougher life than yours.

“I’m sorry, Pete.” You mumbled.

“Nyet, it’s alright, Y/N. We’re in this together. I’m trying to improve myself too. I’m grateful that you’re here because I didn’t think about going against someone with your power.” He smiled sheepishly.

“And you’re very strong. You may not believe it, but you are. I saw how determined you were that night and you did very well. Imagine how powerful you will become in the next few months if you keep this up.” Him saying that allowed you to visual how happy you would be being able to lift up and control large objects for a long period of time.  

"When you say that you want to give up, Y/N, I think that you just want rest.”

You grumbled because it was true. Deep down, you didn’t want to quit because where would you go and what were you going to do? You already felt at home in the x-mansion. Besides, Piotr would never allow you to give up.

“Remember this, Y/N: this is the first time you did something way out of your comfort zone. If we did more of you playing around with your coins, it would’ve been harder to get you to try new things.”

Once he put that into perspective, it all became clear to you. It was just one night. It was the first time you tried to hold something that heavy in the air for more than you can handle.  If you kept practising it will become easier in the future. How could you not see this? God, you were too busy worrying about what could go wrong and didn’t think what you could do next time.

‘We can always try again’

Oh what would you do without Piotr?

“Hey, Pete?” You looked at him again with a soft expression this time. He tilted his head to the side.

“What’s wrong?”

“...Thank you for helping me.” You murmured, smiling softly.

He noticed how this was the first time he’s seen you smile. Genuinely. Most of the time he would see you paranoid, serious, or mostly tired. Maybe pushing you out of your comfort zone was the right decision. Perhaps it was his presence that made using your powers easier.

…Nah.

He nodded, acknowledging your gratitude.

“I’ll get you something to eat and drink.” Piotr said as he got up and made his way out of your room.

“Wait! Pete!” You called him.

“Da?”  He stopped once he reached the door.

“...Could you keep me some company? When you come back?” You asked, shyly. Piotr didn’t make fun of you and instead replied with, “Of course.”

When Piotr left, you looked out the window. You had the perfect view of the garden. It gave you time to think about what you and Piotr might do next once you were feeling better.

You now kind of liked the idea of using Piotr for practise, and you wanted to do that again. It seemed like he would do anything to help you, and he was more than happy to help as well.

He was your partner after all.

[unwiltingblossom]

I really want to be done with this, since of the people who actually follow me they’re not Marvel centric and who wants to see a bunch of opinion blogs about a movie they probably haven’t even seen, but oh my gosh, I just want to talk about the scene where they try to give Tony a mini heart attack and everyone just wants to complain about petty things instead.

Lemme talk about why You Are Wrong about hating certain things in Endgame, cuz at least that’s a thing I do in Naruto and other fandoms too. Spoilers.

To be clear, I’m sad about the deaths. I’m especially broken-hearted about Steve, because it’s not possible for Falcon to replace him, so there’s no point even trying. Tony is a bummer, but he’s basically just RDJ, so we’ll still see him being Sherlock and typecast as Tony Stark like figures. All Tony Stark adaptations will be made to copy him still, he’s not really gone. Part of why Captain is gone is because Chris Evans doesn’t want to be him anymore, so that death just feels much more real. You can’t replace the quintessential boy scout from the 30s with...anyone, really.

I’m also sad about the pseudo-deaths, but. Despite that, I don’t agree with the movie complaints. Let’s get into those.

First: No, there wasn’t really any other way for Tony to end. RDJ has been done with the character since IM3, he’s been trying to write him out over and over and just can’t. “He’s retired” can’t work when they have no Tony replacement and go up against world-ending threats, and I don’t think he wants to be tied down to cameos and phone-ins. Death was the only answer for his character. As much as I hate losing Captain, that was a similar situation. Unless they replaced those actors - and that’s tough, especially in RDJ’s case - the characters needed to go with their actors, and their roles/personalities were such that anything but death wouldn’t do that.

We’ll get back to why those were the best endings they could give the characters while still being abrupt and sad, and making it feel like there was actual loss and sacrifice required, but let’s meander over to Thor briefly because his is somewhat shorter.

Buzzfeed woman: If you cannot handle TV shows that have fat characters or fat jokes, please seek counseling and get help.  It sounds like you have some serious issues with your self image and self confidence, and frankly it’s just not a good thing if your entire day is ruined and you’re dropped into a depression because you hear someone make a joke that’s not even about you. Don’t blame other people and expect them to change for you, because they won’t. Seek to be more secure in yourself.

Everyone else: The reason why Thor seems ‘diminished’ all movie is the same reason why Captain Marvel isn’t there 90% of the movie - no, no, not because they just shoved him into the plot at the last minute to promote his movie, the other reason  - he’s just too strong. This is a recurring issue for him in Avengers movies, and they may try to just de-Avenger him going forward to avoid this in the future. Avengers movies are ensembles, everyone is supposed to be necessary, but to set the enemies to a level where people like Black Widow are useful means that Thor could shrug and wipe out most of them except for the boss. And sometimes even the big bad isn’t that scary - CM and Thor could both take down Thanos without infinity stones just too easily, and the plot needed to believably take the heroes from ‘completed gauntlet’ to ‘Thanos has the gauntlet’, which is a lot harder than IW where he was always 2-3 steps and stones ahead.

Fat Thor worked double-purpose to explore the crushing guilt and issues with Thor - he was barely hanging by a thread in IW, losing at the end of it and then having it confirmed at the start of Endgame that there was no hope was too much - and sidelining him most of the movie. It weakened him because he no longer had the focus to just lightning blast Thanos’ army into dust and he was physically out of shape and so not as strong as he was before, making Thanos an equal enemy to him again. Because he was physically unimposing, the Avengers didn’t lean on him and expect him to do everything, which allowed him to go and face his mother again, which allowed him to get the hammer and dual-wield, confirm he was still worthy, and give Steve that moment everyone had so badly wanted to see for years (as Steve’s swan song). The story was never about how Thor was still just as strong even out of shape, because the point is that his own self-loathing and inability cope was destroying him and he needed to heal from that before he could even begin to recover. GotG3 or T4 will be about Thor regaining all that. Endgame was about Thor finally coming to grips with the overwhelming weight of guilt that had been ruining and driving him for several movies now.

And in the end, even once he was able to snap out of his funk and start recovering, he didn’t magically shed all that weight and get back into fighting fit. (That, too, is something for GotG3 and/or T4) Because recovery is still a process that takes time. In my opinion, the way they have Thor deal with his trauma and guilt is as realistic as they had Tony deal with it.

As for the ‘fat jokes’, that’s just taking things out of context. It ignores all the other serious things that Avengers makes jokes about. They always inject levity into things and seek comedy where they can, because the plots are usually so heavy that if they don’t, the movie becomes depressing and draining. In IW/Endgame this is especially so, because so many people die and so much is lost. Fat!Thor and the Fortnite game moments are some of the only opportunities they have to put some humor in. And the Avengers use insulting humor toward each other quite often. War Machine calls Peter - who was at that time dead and had serious issues he was grappling with himself - an idiot because he’s dancing along on a planet to music on headphones. Bucky calls Steve stupid knowing this would be the last time he saw him (at least at that age). Basically, the jokes were necessary to keep the movie from choking on its own darkness and they were in-character (plus, indicators of the fact that they didn’t trust Thor to be the responsible party, forcing other characters to have a role instead, and keeping Thor from any responsibility later for “why didn’t he use the stones to--”)

So. Yes, it’s disappointing that Thor didn’t really get to flex, but at least he was present, and it’s allowed him to begin to heal from the trauma conga line he’s been on ever since Thor 1. It’s really not an issue that people make it out to be, and it seems like people are just being overly specific in their sensibilities. Make fun of Thor’s long hair, his missing eye, his cluelessness about the modern world? That’s fine. Make fun of Rocket when he’s the product of horrific experiments? That’s fine. Make fun of any number of serious issues, or just insult their friends in some humorous way? All okay. Make fat jokes? SUDDENLY it’s just not okay and super mean!

Don’t read too much into things like that.  Like the buzzfeed woman claiming his mother ‘nastily’ told him to eat a salad. She was just being a mother, looking at a son who five minutes ago seemed to be in his prime and now had completely collapsed and was desperately looking for direction from her. She must have gathered that at least from his perspective he’d never get to see her again, so it was effectively the last advice she’d give him. “Eat a salad!” is just “Take care of yourself, eat well, please!” in the gentlest, shortest way possible. Don’t be like that woman. Don’t read malice where it isn’t.

MOVING ON.

Tony and Steve.

I know, it’s sad. But these were the most logical conclusions to their stories, both from their own perspective and when you consider how their characters were juxtaposed off of each other. Ignoring for a moment the actor situation, the characters needed to die because if they didn’t we’d just end up with a Battle of Winterfell situation where everything was set up to look hopeless but then things worked out so no one important died. (except Heimdall. Poor Heimdall, he didn’t get snapped or brought back via time shenanigans. I’m guessing he got the fatal Actor’d, since Idris didn’t like being him)

So, knowing that they had to kill one, and therefore because of their connection in the movies it had to be both, let’s look at why they were the most reasonable and perfect deaths to give them under the circumstances while still remaining sad. “And then they lived to death” is hard to do if it’s not Doctor Who, so it’s not really an easy ending to write for a character you need to immediately exit the franchise.

Tony.

Finally we resolve the plot with Pepper. They get married, they have a child, they have five years living together married- this is on top of the eleven years they’ve been in a relationship since Iron Man, and the years before that of flirtatious tension and a relationship that’s non-romantic. Five years was just the time they had living a domestic and quiet life, raising their child, not the complete length of their life. Tony got to live with the love of his life and finally do something right, and in the end Pepper gave him the go-ahead to risk not only himself but their whole family to protect the rest of the universe.

In the end, he ‘fixed’ his failure from IW, defeating Thanos personally. He was the one responsible for the timeline being ‘the one’ where they succeed. He finally found some peace with his father and history, he created something beautiful - for once, he left a legacy that wasn’t death and destruction or weapons, but a sweet little girl who will make the world a better and brighter place.

And Tony made that full circle from the first story, affirming that it was never the suit, but Tony Stark, who made Iron Man. He is Iron Man. Those are his last words, and part of the gruesome death was there to ensure they were. Though there’s also something powerful about him saying nothing and snapping his fingers instead like they’d originally written it to be. But, look. Tony Stark was a man who sent weapons all over the world, caused thousands, if not millions to die because of those weapons and then changed due to the guilt of realizing what he’d done. His character has basically been caught in a loop ever since of trying to fix things by creating more weapons to protect people instead and just causing more death and more harm in the process.

Finally, though, with a snap of his fingers and the cost of his own life...he made an army disappear. He saved not just half the universe this time, but literally all of it, every single being alive can thank Tony for it (ignoring the celestial beings who would have stopped Thanos but shh, MCU hasn’t introduced those). Look at the symbolic nature of Tony Stark being the one to turn an army - and all of their weapons - into dust in a moment. He saved everyone, and he finally erased the ugly stain of his weapons from the world in one fell swoop. Symbolically, this is the most perfect way to end his character, and something the comics will never be able to give Tony.

In a more practical sense, it was also necessary. He’d never be able to truly step away from being an Avenger. His own paranoia and sense of guilt means that no matter how much he’d want to live his own life, he’d always be dragged into things, risk his life again, and Pepper + Morgan would constantly have to worry about whether he’d come back or not. And he’d mess up again. He’s too afraid of the future, needed too much to control things. Ultron would happen again. The Superhero Registration would happen again. Especially when/if Steve would die, there’s no one holding him back anymore. Narratively, his story needed to be finished, especially if he was going to be the one to snap anyway. So yes. Death was the necessary price. And it did need to be that harsh, gruesome thing. Not just because we see over and over how painful it is to use those stones, but because this was a loss. His death was quick, but it wasn’t easy. The price that the universe paid to be saved was Tony Stark’s life, and him just vanishing afterward would have felt cheap and robbed the people around him of their closure.

And again, it worked perfectly as the counterpoint for Steve. His life was short but he died protecting everyone else. He died so that he didn’t have to watch anyone he loved die instead, and he died surrounded by the people he cared about, finally redeemed of his sins.

Then there’s Steve.

Now, I don’t think his death was necessary like Tony’s. But because Tony did die, it does make sense they might kill Steve too. And I don’t think anyone would question that if they chose to kill Steve in the battle against Thanos. But if they did that, someone would have been blamed. Carol, Thor, Scott, Tony, whoever. Someone would get the blame, and I think it would have been extremely demoralizing to see Captain America die during the battle, where morale was so paper thin already.

Plus, like I said, his needed to be a counterpoint to Tony.

Tony got to have his time with the love of his life, but then cut it short for the sake of everyone in the universe, died young, before anyone else, sacrificed etc. It fit his personality, his fast-paced, short tempered quippy self.

Steve is the one with the unnaturally long life, forced to live for over a hundred years and losing everyone and everything around him. Peggy is the love of his life, and unlike Tony he had to watch her transform from a young woman to an old frail thing who had moved on without him, and then eventually die while he was still in the prime of his youth. He has no future to look forward to. Because of his lifespan, all that’s going to happen is him watching his friends all die around him one by one, Nat, Tony, Sam, Bucky, Bruce, etc.

In the end, he’s finally given the opportunity to do the impossible: go back where he belongs. Go back to the world with everyone that he remembers and loves from his past. Go back to the woman whom he loves the most, who he’ll never truly move on from. Live, like Tony always told him to.

And so - with Bucky’s blessing, I’ll note - he does. Everything about Steve has been the displaced, long suffering soldier, and in his ending, he finally gets to come home from the war.  He already sacrificed himself and the love he should have had with Peggy way back in the First Avenger. He should have died in that ice, he planned to, just as Tony does. And thus, the only proper ending for Steve isn’t a heroic sacrifice - because he’s already made his - but being able to finally live the life that he gave up for the world. In a way, it’s Tony’s last gift to him, as Tony finally created a time machine to send Steve (who he weirdly thinks of as a friend) back where he belongs.

But even so, Steve is Steve. He got to live his life with Peggy and grow old, but he still watched her die. Again. He lost Peggy twice, and everyone he knew from that timeline  as well - not only did he leave it and all them behind, but most of those people would have died (I like to think he saved Howard Stark, though, for the Tony who never knew him and for that Bucky). And he’s still not dead. Which means he’s still living (at least until they say he died off-screen, anyway), and he may yet still watch more of his friends die around him before he can finally find his rest.

Basically, their endings are counterpoints to each other, and also perfect for themselves. Tony flares up bright and burns out in spectacular fashion saving the universe, and Steve is the long-burning candle, the last light that lingers in the darkness after everyone else flickers out, the one who can’t sacrifice himself even when he tries, and so all he can do is live until the end, and pass on his flame to someone else.

They’re both sad in different ways, and they’re both the best kind of ending the writers could have come up for those characters in particular.

and now a few quick rebuttals to the common complaints in particular:

Tony’s survivor’s guilt IS why he goes back to save Peter and the others even at his own personal risk. Anyone else would have refused to help or even actively interfered, because the risk of losing their child would be too much. The risk of failing and still losing their child, when the world was continuing on without any future danger to it, would just be too much.

And that’s another reason he died. The guilt would have eaten him alive if anyone else had snapped and saved the universe for him.

Thor was not ‘fine’ in Infinity War. He was clinging to the thin hope that he could stop Thanos because he was essentially destined to stop Thanos. He had to believe that he had a greater purpose and everything happened the way it did because it had to. He’d been clinging to that for a long time, in fact, and when he failed to kill Thanos, failed to save everyone, that hope was ripped away from him. He didn’t just collapse because he failed Thanos, he became lost and adrift because everything that he built his identity around vanished and he didn’t know who or what he was supposed to be or do anymore. He needed his mother to tell him to be who he is and not who he’s supposed to be to save him from that. And he still remarks at the end that “I’ve never had nothing to do before, I’m not sure what to do with that.”

I wrote a bunch of stuff about why Steve isn’t being selfish and all of those quibbles are silly, but then accidentally lost that, and I don’t feel like rewriting it. Other people have covered that anyway. Steve isn’t being selfish. He creates a world line where everyone gets to be happy, and in the end he gives that up so that he can give his friends closure again, and spend time with them in his twilight. They didn’t lose Steve, he just aged to the point he should have been.

Avengers Endgame timeline isn’t complicated, it’s very simple. I’ll make that a separate post though. In short: they use the world lines theory Steins;Gate uses, so paradoxes are functionally impossible. They literally cannot happen.

[eallisnwndrlnd]

Moving On From 2018

One thing I can say that I love about New Years is that it’s like life feels like it gave you a bit of a reset button. Not erasing anything but at least working towards improving what you did or didn’t do the past year. I definitely need that reset for this past year 2018. 

Most of the year was in a bit of a stressful blur. I’m not going to bother reflecting on my previous New Years post since most of what I had hoped to come into fruition didn’t. All I can say is despite my battle with my depression and anxiety being the major factor in my stressed out year, I managed to accomplish some things. May not have been most of what I had planned but hey, that’s life sometimes. 

This past 2018 I completed my 3rd year, completed my internship hours and my first semester of my last school year in college. 

Even if I didn’t get in any of the companies I may have wished for my internship, I was lucky to find a company where I had a chance to utilize my skills and creativity in my writing and photography. It was pretty stressful initially when I was not getting any response from any of the fifteen companies I applied to. Thankfully it all worked out in the end. I even had fun and made it feel like a vacation with a classmate that became roommate and friend. I was feeling less claustrophobic when I was in our shared apartment in BGC, Taguig, away from the many reasons for my stress and anxiety. I was able to let myself forget about it at least during those short two months during break. 

Going straight into the start of 4th year with unresolved issues and things that needed to be done, my stress and anxiety kicked into overdrive as schoolwork and personal issues at home gradually stacked up against me. By the end of the semester I was completely wound tight and sensitive as hell where I felt at any moment I could break. There were some close calls close to the end that’s for sure. Especially with some family drama that nearly buried me in an emotional quicksand. I ended up breaking down in front of my teacher for thesis because I thoroughly let myself down on that one. I was in no shape to complete it in time for the scheduled defense that was a few weeks ago. When it all comes down to it, no one is harder on me than myself. I put the high expectations on me and when I don’t meet them or make a mistake or complete it short of perfection, I dwell on it to no end. Then there was the matter of film and theatre class, where if I were back home, I may have enjoyed and been extremely enthusiastic about but alas due to my poor fluency in Tagalog I wasn’t able to truly be a part of the major projects we had to complete. I ended up taking roles that were so far away from what I really wanted to contribute but as the stories were in a language and culture that I still didn’t fully understand, I was in no way able to contribute in the way I would have wanted to anyway.(One of the brighter spots of film was being able to share some of my favorite films of all time and also participate in our groups documentary on a Badjao community despite being in pain and sick more than half the time. Seeing and meeting some of the people with their strength and courage and determination despite their hardships, really helps one put things in perspective.) With the organizations I am a part of, even if I had a minor role in all three, I still didn’t feel up to the task. I really kind of played dead dog for most of my responsibilities in ISO. 

Honestly, this semester and even last semester, I felt myself ever so slightly detach from everything and kind of just mechanically go through the motions just managing to barrel through out of sheer need to complete my four years in college, do well and graduate. This semester is the first time in over four years where I found myself nearly having an anxiety attack. Not once, but three times. Once during debate when my brain refused to memorize my speech and then I fucked up completely during the recitation for my midterms. (I’m just thankful that my written speech helped me pick my grade up for that. Writer I may be, but speaker I sorely am not) It didn’t help that I still get a bit of stage fright every once in a while. Then the second was when my cousin messaged me about my mother having a schizophrenic episode and that it was causing drama and issues. The third one was during one of our theatre rehearsals and that one had no initial trigger except my stupid bronchitis that refused to go away that came out of a cold that has lasted frakking forever. Toss in several emotional breakdowns and smoking a ciggy after three years ciggy free and I could say I was down for the count. These past holidays of Thanksgiving and then Christmas were kind of meh considering I was sick for the first one and ma and I both were sick for the latter. But I pretty much had been sick on and off all this past semester and throw in my fibromyalgia kicking in worse than its been in the past four years, bringing spasms of pain that brought me to tears and bouts of insomnia this entire past year, 2018 brought more pain in more ways than one than anything else. I’m just thankful my ma, pop and family and friends (and my possessed cat, Gandalf) are still healthy and those that aren’t so much are on the road to being so, hopefully soon. 

This new year 2019 is hopefully the year where I finally meet one of my lifetime goals of graduating and getting a college degree. After so much work and sacrifice not only from me but my parents, I need to reach that goal. I will be starting my fourth year second semester at the end of this month but before that hopefully will have completed our final film and theatre projects as well as getting some traction in completing my thesis that is now not a solo one as I included three classmates to be a part of it. At the end of the day, even if I had wanted my thesis, that I started with on my own, to be solely mine, I had to consider my health both mentally and physically which became the deciding factor in no longer trying to push myself in such a way that would’ve hurt me rather than help. As I near graduation, I will set out in determining what I want to do afterwards. Whether I stay here (that’s only if I get an opportunity down the road) or go back to the States or go to another country has yet to be determined. If I were to go back to the States, I’d then have to decide which state I’d be moving to. Or rather, WE would be moving to. We as in me and mother. Yes, my mom is a big factor in my decision. She has to be, there’s no point deluding myself that I would be comfortable with any other scenario. I’ve watched over that woman pretty much all my life and have been a sort of parent-like person for her since I was a kid. As she grows older and goes deeper into her schizophrenia and becomes more fragile, I cannot in my heart think of any other alternative other than keeping her with me. It’s not some martyrdom complex or anything like that, it’s just how I am wired. Even with all my issues and the mental, emotional and physical toll it has taken on me, I love my mom and she brought me up the best way she knew how or could do. I can’t fault her for her illness and I can’t ignore the fact that she needs me as much as I need to know she is ok...as ok as she is capable of being. I may gripe and such but let’s face it, these are the cards I was dealt and I’ve managed all this time somehow and I’m pretty sure as I get older and wiser I’ll get better and better at doing so. But for the most part I can say I’m at peace with my decision (even when a tiny voice inside my head screams at me WTF are you thinking!!! HEEELP MEEE!) Now I’m just torn between should I stay or should I go (now. ....sorry had to. As I was typing those words I was singing it dammit!!!) And if I go, go where exactly? What do I do with my cat? How tf am I getting the beloved furry pain in my butt to come with me? What best fits not only my needs but my mothers and (if my furbaby is coming) Gandalf? New York? (That’s expensive AF) San Francisco? (SAME! but but SWEATER WEATHER LOVE!!!) L.A. (I’m not gonna lie, my home city is the last choice on my short list) Seattle? (perhaps but can my ma stand the so called gloomy weather which I am partial to?) S.A. (STOP! HAULT! DO NOT GO THERE! Though I have many fond memories and do love the city in many ways including my family and friends..and cheaper rent per square foot...and delicious bbq...I just can’t...cuz politics, namely its states’ politics. I’m pretty sure they wouldn’t want my tree hugging, In-N-Out loving ass either anyhow.) I guess I can only say We’ll see. As I get closer to the end of my fourth year I’ll be more sure of which direction I’d want to go but so many things can still happen from now to then so I just want to leave myself open to any possibility that I may not have even thought of. 

So besides all that ‘off to the future I go’ crap, lets see...what do I want to see myself accomplish this year. I...

Must read more books (last year was depressing af for my bookwormish self as I only read three books, actually technically two were only completed in 2018 but I started in 2017. Now that’s sad for someone who used to down one to two books a day and read as she walked) 

Must get rid of more of my shit (I actually have been slowly accomplishing this little by little but seeing as it is nearing the end of my time at UB I must do this in its entirety by the middle of the year.) 

Must write at least one script of my own and complete it. (I have a few synopsis ideas written down, I just need to sit my butt down and make it a full story) 

Hope to go to Tokyo, Australia, New Zealand, Thailand and again to South Korea. (At least Tokyo I hope for this year) 

Must lose the weight I gained only during this past semester. (I can only fit my rollies into two of my jeans and both have holes, one was bought that way and the other lost the battle with a tricycle and a school chair) 

Must cook more (I actually have been little by little doing just that, thanks to Instagram people who post recipes that motivate my lazy ass into wanting to cook what’s in the picture.) 

Must regularly volunteer again(Unfortunately I haven’t taken much time to do any since I’ve been here. Hopefully once my workload at school eases I can finally take the time to do this. It’s one of the things I love doing with my time because it’s the time when I can do something that isn’t for me but for someone else which I guess in a way is also for me in the sense that it just makes me feel good.) 

Must explore more of the Philippines (hopefully after I graduate we can do this) 

Hope to get to Guru level on Gurushots (only need to mark off four more of the criteria to get there) 

Hope to learn a third language (I’m thinking either Spanish or Korean since I at least know some vocabulary and short phrases already. The fact that I would love to be able to watch my kdramas without subtitles definitely gives me the incentive to lean toward the latter.) 

Hope to get more than four hours of sleep on average. (I would love that, only if my neighbors (front, both sides and back) dogs and Gandolf agree to keep it quiet during the wee hours in the morning)  

Must follow my daily, weekly, monthly goal checklist for more than just one month (yup that’s pretty much all that it lasted give or take a few weeks then days, last year) 

If I can manage to even complete a fourth of that which is mentioned above, I will have done this long ass blog entry justice. So if y’all managed to reach the end of all this ridiculousness, I wish to say to you HAPPY NEW YEAR and may this year and the many years to come bring you all you hope for and more. Let’s 2019 the shit out of this frakking year and make it our bitch!!!

(At least I can say with this yearly blog entry that I’ve managed to keep this one and only friggin tradition during New Years)

[evil-writer]

@the-feminine-grotesque replied to your post “lol every time choi b*n do opens his mouth i hate him a little more....”

it's not about redemption. that indicates that he needs to be redeemed. he doesnt. it's their marriage that needs to be repaired. the thing is even if u sympathize more with jinjoo and dislike ban do (totally fair), he is not the sole reason they broke up. nor did they break up cuz their was no love there anymore, it was because love was crushed under the weight of their responsibilities. leading to both feeling alone, exhausted, neglected/underappreciated and miserable

idk how far in u are, so this might be smth that becomes more clear later on, or u just disagree completely to the very end. but yeah i like this drama cuz while yeah its about them finding their way back to each other it's even more about them getting to right the things int he past that left them with regrets, it's about figuring out where things went wrong in their lives and in their marriage, it's about reconciling their memories with what the reality of their past 

actually was. and ofc they get to actually know more about the people they had as a "first love". ep 5 was an interesting perspective on the nature of "first love" and what it actually means. and ofc then u have the shadow of the death of jinjoo's mother in the future which likely put a huge strain on their relationship esp if jj blames bd for it on some level. sorry im not trying to come in here and tell you how to feel about the drama or anyone in it i swear!

just wanted to give a different perspective. i dont like when ban do insults jinjoo but she's also pretty cutting with him. and more importantly idt either fully understands what pain they were going thru or how hard those words are hitting. i sympathize more with jinjoo definitely, part of that is jang nara is just KILLING it and has the eyes of a lost baby dear, and part of that is that unlike ban do she experienced a crushing loss with her mother's death.

i have more to say but i will refrain until i know how far along in the show you are (that assumes u want to hear more from me ofc. if u dont i will understand and stop here)

just fyi, i love your wall of text comments, and am always honoured to be a recipient of them. your perspectives are so insightful, and are always welcome! (lowkey they validate my stupid screaming into the void a lil bit so i’m always happy whenever tumblr deigns to notify me lolol).

i was actually not very far into the drama when i made the original post. it was something like early ep 3, probably? in any case, i’ve watched up to episode 5 right now and i can understand ban do. i can understand that he was in as much pressure as jin joo, if not more so (in terms of the future timeline). with my background and family, i more than understand the social pressures he faced. but while i understand his position, i still can’t help disliking him. 

for the most part, i’m able to separate the drama-digesting part of my brain from the part that deals with the rest of my life. but then a drama like go back couple will come along and go down the other pipe, and i’ll be watching with the full weight of the emotional baggage that comes with RL tara (as opposed to Tumblr User evil-writer). and the life jin joo had pre-time travel is my worst nightmare. it’s not even just the bits before their divorce. it’s that she had little to no life outside her duties as mom and wife. it’s that she didn’t have that luxury. i can’t stomach watching her go back to that. 

(her calling ban do stingy miser comes to mind here. was she right to call him that? no. but from where i stand, that comes from a deep-rooted anger at their whole financial situation, and while it’s not nice, it’s understandable.)

for dramas like this one, my overall feelings towards a character tend to be constructed by a first impression. and mine re: ban do involved him watching tv while seo jin bawled in front of the bathroom door, making it so that jin joo couldn’t even have a minute to do her business. many things happened after that, of course, but it’s the first thing that sprung to mind while jin joo broke down on the street crying for seo jin; how’s ban do doing? 

in the meantime, ban do was focused on how he could stay in the past (current time? idk i’m still confused about how this time travel works). he loves seo jin. there’s no doubt in my mind about that. but he has to be reminded that he has a child. 

see, the way i interpret it, ban do is immature. maybe a little too immature to be a family man. it’s this i was referring to when i said redemption, so i probably phrased it badly. after the initial “wow i’m back in my 20s” wore off, his gut reaction was to go after his first love. and yeah, of course, he has a right to explore that what-if. but if jin joo is breaking down in the streets because she misses her son, is it wrong to expect him to actually...remember on his own, that he has a son?

but also it’s his attitude towards jin joo. it’s his constantly back-handedly calling her ugly. it’s that i can’t accept, ignore or even understand. it’s the “why tf would he like you?” attitude. it’s the “there’s no way he thought you’re pretty” attitude. it’s that he’s allowed to dismiss jin joo (scene in the lecture hall) but when she does the same to him, he does the Wrist Grab. it’s the “you can’t do better than me, but i settled” attitude. which jin joo may or may not be guilty of as well. but the way i see it, her name calling and hurting him comes from a place of extreme frustration at their financial situation, and at the state of her life. she said pre-time travel that her regret was not studying a little harder, and not becoming a prosecutor. 

his involved his first love. 

maybe i’m oversimplifying him. maybe i’m a little too unforgiving. i can’t help it. it’s RL tara projecting her anxiety. and she’s a crazy bitch. i need jin joo to fix her life so that she’s never as miserable as she was pre-time travel. i need her to cultivate that career. and with ban do the way he is--heart in the right place, but so immature, i don’t think she can do that with him in her life. but again, it’s very much me as a person. 

(the same person that’s always angry about the way sung na jeong was treated by both the writing and the fandom, but that’s another story entirely.)

[primadonnatartuffe]

-- invincibleDetective [ID] began bothering primadonnaTartuffe [PT] at 14:26 --

ID: Hello, hello. Telephone ring.

PT: moshi moshi ryan desu.

ID: Well howdy there, lil lady. I don't suppose you're Ryan's answering AI.

PT: lmao sure. also im japanese for some reason.

ID: Pretty witty for an answering machine.

PT: pretty and witty... much like ryan herself amirite?

ID: The better to take her messages with.

ID: This is. A beautiful stranger.

PT: oh my... im highlighting this information. ryans weak for beautiful strangers.

PT: what kind of message can i relay for you beautiful stranger?

ID: Just ask if she's avaliable for the coffee we promised to meet up for.

ID: Donuts are included. With and without the holes.

PT: well i just so happen to have access to her schedule and it looks like she is good to go on that front.

PT: also highlighting the bit about holes. an important distinction.

PT: youll see her at the coffee can. ;)

ID: Important in the way I wouldn't dare mention when discussing donuts.

ID: Let her know I'm here already.

PT: shell be there momentarily~!

RYAN: *ryan pockets her comm as she enters the coffee can, peeking around until she spots jack. it's easy enough, he sticks out like a sore thumb. she ambles up behind him and plarps him right on the head, mussing with his hair.* here i am.

JACK: *Do not plarp. But also do. Jack accepts the muss of his hair, even if it sends his shades askew. All the more reason to pluck them off and tuck them into his shirt. Angles himself until he's facing her, grey eyes vacant but searching still.* Oh good.

JACK: Sometimes strangers get familiar. It happens.

RYAN: *stupid pretty grey eyes. at least she can stare and he won't know. she slips into a seat next to him.* i know how it is.

RYAN: who wouldnt wanna get familiar with all this? *gestures at self.*

RYAN: by the way im gesturing at my killer bod.

JACK: Might need to demonstrate a little better. Only so much left to the imagination. *makes himself snort and plucks a donut hole up from the cup. Offers it out to her and chews.* 'Nut hole?

RYAN: *grins and takes it* im always a sucker for a good nut.

RYAN: the hole kind or otherwise.

JACK: Take your pick. They're frosting filled. *Having too much straight-faced fun here. He should probably be stopped.*

RYAN: *SNRK* id have them no other way??? *nibbles a donut hole.*

RYAN: thinly veiled sexual innuendo aside... whats up?

JACK: Nothing much. Having some coffee. Having a donut. *munch munch* Spoke with Finn yesterday.

JACK: He was... a little bent out of shape.

RYAN: *frowns, pausing before she speaks again.* is he alright?

JACK: I think so. He wasn't at first. But he's alright. *sips him coffee.* Did you want to order something?

RYAN: huh? oh right. ill get something in a second.

RYAN: what was bugging him?

JACK: Something about... not feeling like he was fit to look after Sofia. *blinks and frowns, looking much like his more somber self.* He was ready to take her to the adoption agency.

RYAN: whaaaat? *frowns too* man come on finn.

RYAN: hes great with her.

RYAN: and its pretty obvious she makes him really happy too.

JACK: Whatever the case... it was also pretty obvious he needed to sit down and reevaluate what he was doing.

JACK: Good thing he did. *mutters* He would have had a lot of regrets, otherwise.

RYAN: yeah... thats a relief. *shakes her head.*

RYAN: poor finn... always going through something.

JACK: But he always makes it through. *offers her a smile* Have you talked with him lately?

RYAN: oh yeah. i was at his place the other day to meet sofia. *kinda zones out thinking about it.*

JACK: What did you think of little miss Helen of Troy? *sips again*

RYAN: *laughs at the nickname.* i fucking adore her.

JACK: Of course you do. It's all a part of the ploy.

RYAN: hey... i know all about that.

RYAN: im plotting to take her under my wing. who better to teach her how to weaponize her good looks than her cool aunt ryan?

JACK: Well. I would nominate cool Uncle Jack but I think I'll settle with teaching her poker.

RYAN: *snickers* thats an important skill too.

JACK: I daresay the two skills are interchangable.

RYAN: we oughta team up then. ;)

JACK: *Oblivious to the actual winks but hears it in her tone of voice.* Good thing I've got the best of both worlds. At least, I like to think I do.

JACK: Confidence is the true power in this world.

RYAN: agreed.

RYAN: for what its worth i still think youre pretty damn handsome.

RYAN: just a little disheveled. *snrk*

RYAN: but hey. same. not that you can tell.

JACK: The hair seems to be working better for you though. *reaches a hand out to feel* May I?

RYAN: go for it. *leans towards him, definitely not blushing.*

JACK: *gently paps his hand in the air around her hair. Nodding as he gets a visual for the style.* Looking good.

JACK: It must be the face frame.

RYAN: oh thanks. *grinning to herself.* i kinda miss my long hair though.

JACK: How long have you had it short for? *smiling too and withdraws his hand. Feeling for his coffee again.* Any special reason?

RYAN: ah hmm... *her tone changes a little, like it's not the most comfortable subject for some reason.* ive been keepin it short for a little less than a year?

RYAN: *shrugs* no particular reason except... maintaining all that hair was like WAY too much work for me at the time.

RYAN: actually i got kinda frustrated and just.

RYAN: chopped it off. there it go.

JACK: Kind of the inverted reasoning behind my own hairstyle choice. *Listens to the change in her tone.* At some point, I stopped caring.

RYAN: hey it works for you too. even if i wanna take a comb to it. *manages to smile again.*

JACK: You aren't the first one. I hear it drives my dad batshit. *returns her smile in kind* It's the small victories.

RYAN: *laughs about that.* aww i miss your dad. i should drop in on the fam sometime...

RYAN: reminds me tho. i talked to rory the other day. *nibbles another donut hole.*

JACK: He's back in town already? I heard he was on Earth... lucky rascal.

JACK: What did he say?

RYAN: heeee...

RYAN: was informing me that someone was looking for me.

RYAN: ...

RYAN: my ex girlfriend.

RYAN: kinda came as some shock to me cuz i thought she was through with my ass lol.

JACK: *raises his eyebrows* That does sound shocking.

JACK: And for Rory of all people to come across her. The chances?

RYAN: its fucking weird. haha.

RYAN: i guess she just wants to make sure i havent fallen off the wagon or whatever. which is cool. not really her problem but yeah. its cool.

JACK: Have you spoken with her?

RYAN: mmm... nooo...

JACK: *Ryan...* Are you going to?

RYAN: *DEEPEST SIGH OF ALL* yeah... i gotta.

RYAN: its just awkward!! we didnt leave each other on the best note.

RYAN: and im kind of exhausted from all this reconciling shit.

RYAN: ive barely even scratched the surface though. like ive still got this extensive list of people i need to see and shit i need to talk about. bluh.

JACK: Not that I'm one to push another on making those kinds of decisions. *hums* I just hope it works out for you... once you get around to it.

JACK: But I know it's difficult.

RYAN: i mean... to be fair its worked out pretty well for me so far even if its emotionally taxing.

RYAN: its just... scary too.

RYAN: taking that first step.

JACK: You deserve to. *says with a nod. Taps the lid of his coffee.* And if anything... here's to hoping your ex understands.

RYAN: yeah... *glances at him.* heres hoping.

JACK: *tilts his head, wondering.* Do you want to talk about her?

RYAN: *seems a little surprised by the question.* not really.

RYAN: ... okay kind of.

JACK: Maybe you can drop her a message. Without necessarily speaking, face to face.

RYAN: that could work.

RYAN: it might piss her off though if she came all the way to skaia.

RYAN: not that its super inconvenient but still.

RYAN: i dunno.

RYAN: shes really grouchy lol.

JACK: What I mean to say is... it can be a process. Building up to a face-to-face encounter.

RYAN: yeah... guess that could work. *takes a deep breath, trying to rationalize.*

JACK: *drums his fingers against the table* Grouchy, huh.

RYAN: haha yeah. real attitude problem.

RYAN: but she was always looking after my ass even if she had to make remarks all the time.

RYAN: i think ive got a thing for sass.

JACK: *finds himself smiling again* And her name? Don't think you mentioned it.

RYAN: *stop that smiling... illegal.* oh yeah.

RYAN: its nona.

JACK: I can't believe it... *appears astonished* Your celebrity couple name is Rynona.

RYAN: *snorts* catchy huh?

RYAN: but like i said... she got fed up with my bullshit.

JACK: Maybe she doesn't see it that way.

RYAN: haha maybe? i dunno how else she would though.

RYAN: i was making her miserable. *stares down at the table*

JACK: *Hesitates. Wondering how qualified he actually was to give her talk to her on this particular topic. It had to go either one of two ways. Hyper-qualified, or severely underqualified. Fuck.* What you were going through... wasn't you. The way your mind was.

JACK: All of that's happened already. It's done. What you're left with now is a perspective... but not facts. Or the whole truth.

JACK: Just remember... Nona has the other half of the experience.

RYAN: *looks up at him, brows knit as she listens. there's a lot of emotion bubbling up remembering her experiences, remembering all the damage she did, and there's something bittersweet hearing this kind of reassurance from jack. she hopes he believes those things about himself, too. he seems pretty well put together from her perspective, which makes it a little easier to put her restless thoughts to bed when they're usually so adamant to convince her that her own illnesses were all that she was.*

RYAN: *she reaches over to take his hand, giving it a squeeze. she can't help the sniffles coming on, but it's a blessing he can't see her watery blood shot eyes. very attractive.* when did you get so smart? geez.

RYAN: *exhales* thanks jackie.

JACK: *Some melancholy feeling spreads in his chest with the nickname. He hadn't heard it in a while and coupled with the gentle squeeze of her hand, the feeling twists in his heart like a corkscrew. Awful but thankfully, present.* I just...

JACK: Had to stop living like I was. Letting myself think how I was.

JACK: I'm not smarter. Just more aware of the poison.

RYAN: *smooths her thumb over his hand. she doesn't want to let go.* im really proud of you.

JACK: *the sad twists persist* That's my line.

RYAN: heheh... i just straight up plagiarized you.

RYAN: you deserve to hear it too.

JACK: *He exhales, doing away with the impulse to disagree.* ...Thank you.

JACK: But it's not my ex we were gabbing about.

RYAN: well?? i mean?? *TECHNICALLY... she snickers a little, but then reality hits her again when it occurs to her this might be a good time to segue into other things she needs to talk to people about... she should at least bring it up. put it on the table where they all can see it.*

RYAN: ... um.

RYAN: hey... on the note of... hashing things out with folks...

RYAN: ... now probably isnt the time and here probably isnt the place but... do you think we could??

RYAN: well.

RYAN: you know...

RYAN: urgh. *DEEP BREATH.* can we talk about what happened between us?

RYAN: sometime?

JACK: *He's blind, Ryan. Every place looks the same to Jack. But still he blinks, acutely aware of their hands still touching. He would glance down at them if he could.* Talk about it... *echoes, feeling the uncertainty creeping on him.*

JACK: We can talk. Any time.

RYAN: *WELL SHE'S NOT BLIND. nor is she blind to the unease. it's difficult for her too.* any time??? okay... cool.

RYAN: thats good to know.

JACK: *Unconsciously, he feels his hand withdrawing again.* Sorry. I was just...

JACK: Never completely sure what I would say.

RYAN: yeah i mean... me neither. *feels him pulling away and awkwardly retracts her hand as well.*

RYAN: i just thought it might be... helpful? maybe.

RYAN: it might be helpful for me.

RYAN: but i dont know about you.

RYAN: ... i know were okay but theres still a lot weighing on my mind.

RYAN: there are a lot of...

RYAN: ????

RYAN: feelings?

RYAN: in my feeling place.

RYAN: ... for fucks sake.

JACK: *Despite his hesitation, he does nod. Chuckling weakly.* Feelings in the feeling place. An accurate way to describe it.

JACK: In all honesty, I'm not much better than you about it.

RYAN: *laughs too, nervously.* cool. in that case maybe we can like... flounder through the conversation together.

JACK: Ideally, that's how I would execute the thing.

RYAN: alright so weve got a game plan.

JACK: More or less. *sighs, trying not to let some stray thoughts snag him into a loop of things.* But...

JACK: You know I don't hold anything against you. Right? *frowns into some distance* Everything that happened... came out of the circumstance.

JACK: The timing was bad... everything... but the feelings were bad.

RYAN: i-- *swallows, her expression softening.* yeah i know.

RYAN: like... i /know/ but i guess i still... worry about it.

JACK: Why? *eyes flicker to her as if he can really see her for a second. But the look dissolves away soon enough.*

RYAN: *plays with the donut hole cup, shrugging. she didn't notice him looking at her.* sometimes i worry that im... too much for people to handle.

RYAN: when you were already going through so much.

RYAN: like realistically i know it wasnt my fault? we both had our shit.

RYAN: but i still wish i couldve helped more. i didnt wanna drag you down i wanted-- to work through it with you. *rubs at her eyes with her palm.* i dont feel that way very often?? even now.

RYAN: its... probably dumb to dwell on it. im trying not to.

JACK: *closes his eyes, letting himself card through the blink of memories. Anything he could remember in the dull, dreary haze he lived in before.* It's not dumb to dwell on it. I broke up with us... feeling as if I was fulfilling the failure I had set us out for.

JACK: It was wrong to enter the relationship like that. But I wanted so fucking desperately to feel like I could have something for myself. But I was wrong.

JACK: I never felt like I deserved you. So us... the relationship... was lost long before I could even let myself have it.

JACK: That was my mistake.

JACK: Not yours.

RYAN: *it's a lot to process, and she's quiet while she does so. it hurts to know she really had been shut out from the beginning, but it makes sense, and she knows as much as she wanted to open up to him too, she didn't know how.*

RYAN: jack...

RYAN: i still-- *swallows down her own words. rephrases.*

RYAN: i miss you.

JACK: *There's a tightness in his throat, but Jack doesn't let it get in the way of what he's trying to say. If anything, he smiles. Weary for the world.* I miss... being able to make you laugh just by being around.

JACK: If I'm nothing else. I'd like to be that again.

RYAN: *catches a couple tears that manage to fall, a watery laugh tumbling out of her.* of course you can baby. you always were.

RYAN: nothing could change the fact that you just...

RYAN: make me really happy.

JACK: Then I'm glad. *Effortlessly it seems, he finds her hand again.* I don't need anything else.

RYAN: *tangles her hand up in his, holding them up to her cheek for something to rest against. she shuts her eyes, making no attempt to stop her tears now.* me too.

JACK: *It's easier to focus on the stream of her tears than the well threatening to press from his own. But he lets his hand linger.* I can't say for sure. But you're probably smudging your make-up.

RYAN: *giggles softly, huffing a relieved sigh.* i dont care.

JACK: Fine by me.

JACK: Can't exactly tell the difference.

RYAN: *nuzzles against his hand.* if anything it adds to the recovering burn out aesthetic i got going on right now. you know im always a slut for Aesthetic.

JACK: Hey. Same here. *uses the free hand to skirt the shades onto himself.*

RYAN: hahah fuck. we look like we came out of a quentin tarantino movie or some shit.

JACK: Now that's what I call aesthetic. *sits there a moment contemplating.* Hm.

JACK: I wonder.

JACK: Did you go on many dates besides Nona?

RYAN: dates? nah... not really.

RYAN: fucked around plenty before her but uh.

RYAN: even with her we just kinda fell into it.

JACK: Bad to the bone. *but he sounds admiring.* Can't say I had the same luck.

JACK: Must have been the summer of crocs.

RYAN: oh jesus.

RYAN: please tell me that phase has passed.

JACK: It's hard to say. I don't know what my shoes look like nowadays.

RYAN: then you wont notice when i banish them to the shadow realm.

JACK: Unfortunately not.

RYAN: a win win for everybody. *grins*

RYAN: poor jackie tho... hes overdue for a hot date.

JACK: I'm just one guy. Living in a dark sexually frustrated world.

JACK: Surprised I made it this far.

RYAN: you cant even see the sexy babes all around you?? i cant being to imagine how difficult that must be.

RYAN: especially when the sexiest babe of them all is right in front of you.

JACK: With a voice that can raise the dead. *nods knowingly* Among other things.

JACK: This is the part where you sensually whisper, "Yard sard."

RYAN: fuck.

RYAN: do i make your yard sard????

JACK: My yard is apeshit bananas sard.

JACK: Here let me just... *takes out his comm...*

RYAN: *peeps over his shoulder curiously.* ... oh my god.

RYAN: so youre putting out a personal ad now huh?

JACK: Just as I suspected. *places the comm right at her.* Nothing.

RYAN: *TYPING WITH HER OTHER HAND* wow what a bummer.

RYAN: *snrks againt jack's shoulder at him teasing finn. a national pass time.*

JACK: *Honestly.* Finn is a national treasure.

RYAN: love that boy.

JACK: Gotta.

RYAN: *softly singing milkshake now.*

JACK: *snickering at all his own stupid jokes. An excellent use of his time.*

RYAN: *aww. he's so cute when he's smiling and having a good time. it's so nice to see. don't mind her if she just keeps admiring him while leaned against him.*

JACK: There's that. *stows the comm away in his shirt pocket.* Remind me to try again later.

RYAN: you got it.

RYAN: ill just have to keep you company until you can a response.

RYAN: **get?? wtf are my typos today

JACK: The ultimate wingman.

RYAN: im actually a really shitty wingman as i tend to draw all the attention to myself so... sorry in advance.

JACK: Wow. *sounds bemused*

JACK: I can safely say I did not see that coming.

RYAN: do you feel betrayed?

JACK: Envious. But I'm sure it's a sight to behold.

RYAN: *snorts.* if its any consolation im not really interested in bringing all the boys and girls to my yard right now.

RYAN: (test)

JACK: (( test ))

RYAN: (YE)

JACK: Well...

JACK: As they say.

JACK: More milkshake for you.

RYAN: *smirks at him* do they say that?

JACK: They're pretty wise for their age, I hear.

RYAN: well its a good saying. this milkshake is too tasty to share with just anybody tbh.

JACK: Write this on the reviews. That Jack Crocker remembered it fondly.

RYAN: oh yeah im sure you did. living in that dark sexually frustrated world of yours.

RYAN: very fondly.

JACK: In my defense. I have nothing else to use for comparison.

RYAN: do you need anything else? ;)

JACK: An ice pack. *he's so smug*

RYAN: you need a full blown cold shower.

RYAN: you know you really are repressed. we opened up this whole evening with nut holes.

JACK: You could say...

JACK: ...

JACK: We've come full circle.

RYAN: ...

RYAN: god.

RYAN: dammit.

JACK: *lowkey knifecat.jpeg*

RYAN: *snickers...* hey did you have any other plans for today?

JACK: Nothing that can't be rearranged or postponed.

JACK: Why do you ask?

RYAN: i was wondering if i could walk you back to your place... and just hang out there for a while?

JACK: That sounds like a plan. *starts to rise out of his chair* I think Sage recently bought a remastered copy of One Hundred and One Dalmations.

JACK: Let's break that in for her.

RYAN: ooh i like the sound of that. *stands with him, looping their arms.*

JACK: *lets her take the lead* Then we can go for some Dominos. The pizza and the tabletop game.

RYAN: youre just full of great ideas. *smiles, absolutely content as she leads him out of the coffee shop and back to his place.*