#in terms of when RL tara decides to not stay in her lane

[evil-writer]

@the-feminine-grotesque replied to your post “lol every time choi b*n do opens his mouth i hate him a little more....”

it's not about redemption. that indicates that he needs to be redeemed. he doesnt. it's their marriage that needs to be repaired. the thing is even if u sympathize more with jinjoo and dislike ban do (totally fair), he is not the sole reason they broke up. nor did they break up cuz their was no love there anymore, it was because love was crushed under the weight of their responsibilities. leading to both feeling alone, exhausted, neglected/underappreciated and miserable

idk how far in u are, so this might be smth that becomes more clear later on, or u just disagree completely to the very end. but yeah i like this drama cuz while yeah its about them finding their way back to each other it's even more about them getting to right the things int he past that left them with regrets, it's about figuring out where things went wrong in their lives and in their marriage, it's about reconciling their memories with what the reality of their past 

actually was. and ofc they get to actually know more about the people they had as a "first love". ep 5 was an interesting perspective on the nature of "first love" and what it actually means. and ofc then u have the shadow of the death of jinjoo's mother in the future which likely put a huge strain on their relationship esp if jj blames bd for it on some level. sorry im not trying to come in here and tell you how to feel about the drama or anyone in it i swear!

just wanted to give a different perspective. i dont like when ban do insults jinjoo but she's also pretty cutting with him. and more importantly idt either fully understands what pain they were going thru or how hard those words are hitting. i sympathize more with jinjoo definitely, part of that is jang nara is just KILLING it and has the eyes of a lost baby dear, and part of that is that unlike ban do she experienced a crushing loss with her mother's death.

i have more to say but i will refrain until i know how far along in the show you are (that assumes u want to hear more from me ofc. if u dont i will understand and stop here)

just fyi, i love your wall of text comments, and am always honoured to be a recipient of them. your perspectives are so insightful, and are always welcome! (lowkey they validate my stupid screaming into the void a lil bit so i’m always happy whenever tumblr deigns to notify me lolol).

i was actually not very far into the drama when i made the original post. it was something like early ep 3, probably? in any case, i’ve watched up to episode 5 right now and i can understand ban do. i can understand that he was in as much pressure as jin joo, if not more so (in terms of the future timeline). with my background and family, i more than understand the social pressures he faced. but while i understand his position, i still can’t help disliking him. 

for the most part, i’m able to separate the drama-digesting part of my brain from the part that deals with the rest of my life. but then a drama like go back couple will come along and go down the other pipe, and i’ll be watching with the full weight of the emotional baggage that comes with RL tara (as opposed to Tumblr User evil-writer). and the life jin joo had pre-time travel is my worst nightmare. it’s not even just the bits before their divorce. it’s that she had little to no life outside her duties as mom and wife. it’s that she didn’t have that luxury. i can’t stomach watching her go back to that. 

(her calling ban do stingy miser comes to mind here. was she right to call him that? no. but from where i stand, that comes from a deep-rooted anger at their whole financial situation, and while it’s not nice, it’s understandable.)

for dramas like this one, my overall feelings towards a character tend to be constructed by a first impression. and mine re: ban do involved him watching tv while seo jin bawled in front of the bathroom door, making it so that jin joo couldn’t even have a minute to do her business. many things happened after that, of course, but it’s the first thing that sprung to mind while jin joo broke down on the street crying for seo jin; how’s ban do doing? 

in the meantime, ban do was focused on how he could stay in the past (current time? idk i’m still confused about how this time travel works). he loves seo jin. there’s no doubt in my mind about that. but he has to be reminded that he has a child. 

see, the way i interpret it, ban do is immature. maybe a little too immature to be a family man. it’s this i was referring to when i said redemption, so i probably phrased it badly. after the initial “wow i’m back in my 20s” wore off, his gut reaction was to go after his first love. and yeah, of course, he has a right to explore that what-if. but if jin joo is breaking down in the streets because she misses her son, is it wrong to expect him to actually...remember on his own, that he has a son?

but also it’s his attitude towards jin joo. it’s his constantly back-handedly calling her ugly. it’s that i can’t accept, ignore or even understand. it’s the “why tf would he like you?” attitude. it’s the “there’s no way he thought you’re pretty” attitude. it’s that he’s allowed to dismiss jin joo (scene in the lecture hall) but when she does the same to him, he does the Wrist Grab. it’s the “you can’t do better than me, but i settled” attitude. which jin joo may or may not be guilty of as well. but the way i see it, her name calling and hurting him comes from a place of extreme frustration at their financial situation, and at the state of her life. she said pre-time travel that her regret was not studying a little harder, and not becoming a prosecutor. 

his involved his first love. 

maybe i’m oversimplifying him. maybe i’m a little too unforgiving. i can’t help it. it’s RL tara projecting her anxiety. and she’s a crazy bitch. i need jin joo to fix her life so that she’s never as miserable as she was pre-time travel. i need her to cultivate that career. and with ban do the way he is--heart in the right place, but so immature, i don’t think she can do that with him in her life. but again, it’s very much me as a person. 

(the same person that’s always angry about the way sung na jeong was treated by both the writing and the fandom, but that’s another story entirely.)