#actually not the whole world revolves around me only mine does

[yakultii]

anyone else get really sad when you see your moots reblog the same post from someone else like damn u really hate me or am i literally just insane

[2hoothoots]

saw this post in the tag earlier talking about how we never really get a detailed look inside Maligula’s mind, and it got me thinking about the themes of the game again so I’m gonna use it as a jumping-off point. because i agree, it’s very significant that we never get to really see Maligula/Lucrecia as she used to be! but i think that fact actually makes the game much stronger, especially on a thematic level.

Lucrecia’s presence haunts the narrative throughout Psychonauts 2. at first, we can only make her out through her absence. she’s the seventh stump around the campfire, the missing center of a torn photo. we see glimpses of her in the ruined fragments of Ford’s mind. in Helmut’s mind, she’s a looming specter, a shadow of the friend he once knew. in Gristol’s mind, she’s a celebrated war hero. and as the game goes on, we learn that everything in Psychonauts 1 – the Aquatos leaving Grulovia, the family ‘curse’, Raz running away to camp – all of that was set in motion because of her. she’s at the very center of the tragedy that PN2 revolves around.

and she does haunt the narrative, even if Nona is still alive. because the old Lucrecia – the real Lucrecia – we never get to meet her. she’s long gone.

the closest we come to actually interacting with Lucrecia, as she used to be, is in Cassie’s mind. while the rest of the Psychic 7 only have a few lines to share, paper Lucrecia has a full dialogue tree. this is probably one of my favourite moments in the whole game. there’s an awe in Raz’s face, getting to meet her, but also this palpable tension throughout the conversation.

(screenshots taken from here! if you don’t remember this conversation, or just want a refresher, i’d highly recommend going back to watch it.)

this dialogue tree is great. it’s funny, and subtle, and surprisingly moving. Raz is full of questions for Lucrecia, and Lucrecia isn’t giving much away, but we get glimpses of her story here that are so tantalising. it’s a fascinating window into the person she used to be: coy, and playful, and a little aloof.

but – this is also very clearly not Lucy. we hear Cassie’s own thoughts coming out of her mouth (“Cassie told us [hydraulic mining] was very bad for the environment, but nobody listened to her, as usual”), but her dialogue is also steeped in Cassie’s confusion, her struggle to understand what happened (“I don’t really know [why I murdered all those people]. I was the nicest person during my time at Green Needle Gulch”). this is the closest we ever get to seeing Lucrecia, face-to-face, but she’s still heavily filtered through someone else’s perception.

how much of this is the real Lucrecia, and how much of it is just how Cassie sees her? we’ll never know.

i think a crucial part of PN2’s themes is that perception – how you can be someone completely different to different people around you. everyone has their own version of the story to tell. the most obviously propagandistic is Gristol’s retelling, which comes as a shock twist at a climactic moment that throws the whole game on its head. here, we get to see the other side of the story, from someone who only ever knew Lucrecia as a protector, a general, a murderer – and thought she should stay that way.

(screenshots from here)

but as entrenched as he is in his narrative, Gristol doesn’t have all the answers, either. and Ford’s version of events, while probably more factually correct, is still steeped in his own biases. Ford was so dedicated to the memory of the woman he loved that he did terrible things for her; and when he tried to bury that memory, it was so deeply entrenched in his mind that it broke him.

(screenshot from here)

but note the wording, when he talks about using the Astralathe to “neutralise” the “problematic” parts of her mind. My Lucy.

something else that PN2 touches on is how experiences change you. after the battle against Maligula, the remaining members of the Psychic 7 become very different individuals. Cassie withdraws from the world, unable to return to normality after everything that happened; Compton becomes an anxious wreck without his support network. Bob is broken with grief after the loss of his husband, and Ford willingly shattered his mind because it was what he thought he had to do to keep Lucrecia safe. and throughout the game, Raz helps all of them – but he doesn’t fix them. he doesn’t undo everything they went through, because how could he? the things that happened will stay with each of them forever.

and it’s the same with Lucrecia. even after she lets go of the rage and grief and violence that Maligula carried with her, symbolically severing the threads that bind her to her past – she doesn’t just go back to her old self. because she’s someone different now, too. she’s a mother, and a grandmother, and she loves her family so truly and so deeply. she’s patched together a new life for herself. and that’s what she affirms to Raz, in the moments before the final fight.

and he loves her right back. even after everything he’s learned, she’s still his Nona.

i think sometimes a story is more satisfying for not giving you the easy answers. Psychonauts 2 leaves a lot of things unsaid. it gives you pieces of the puzzle, glimpses of Lucrecia’s story through other people’s eyes, and asks you to draw your own conclusions from that. and then it says: this is who she is now. this is what matters. and personally, i think it’s stronger for that.

[ashleyrowanthewriter]

Worries for the Future - Life and Times of Ashley the Crow (Crow HRT 2)

Previous/Next

*************

That day Arja visited me for a study date since we had some exams to retake. Nothing we shouldn’t handle. In fact we had to study history, which I would always get into once I started digging really deep. But this time it was obvious that I was not concentrating as much as I could. And Arja really noticed that I wasn’t in the best mood.

“What is going on, birdie?” Arja asked me.

“There’s just a lot on my mind,” I said. “I’m worried about our future. Whenever I read the news I feel like our progress is regressing.”

“What do you mean?” asked Arja.

“I just want people not to look down on us,” I said. “But there has been so much stuff going on recently. You know that scammer pretending to be a monkey recently?”

“Yeah, that was a strange story,” said Arja.

“But wouldn’t it have unforeseen consequences? Our country is already so otherkinphobic that somebody might see it as the last straw.”

“Maybe, but I bet people will forget it soon,” said Arja. “That’s just our little zeitgeist.”

“And have you heard about that scandal with that boxer at the World Pet Fair?” I asked about one more story.

“But she isn’t even otherkin,” said Arja.

“Exactly,” I said. “And if she isn’t then why people won’t even try to find out what dog they are protesting against?”

“Some people just don’t touch grass,” Arja said.

“I don’t think it’s even possible to encourage them to,” I said, sighing.

“I guess we should just focus on the positive, huh?” said Arja.

I tried finding a story I could mention that seemed fitting.

“Hey, there actually is an otherkin tortoise in the World Parapet Fair!” I remembered.

We both celebrated the revelation. But then I relapsed back into doomthoughts.

“I don't know whether I should cheer for her or against,” I said. “I want people to understand that at some point the difference disappears. And for that to happen we need to show that we are playing on equal footing. And does that mean we should just constantly lose?”

“Birdie…,” Arja tried to stop my rambling.

“It just feels rotten that this whole thing revolves so much around gambling and trying to keep things fair so that bets would be interesting…,” I continued.

“Birdie, what did you promise yourself recently?” Arja said suddenly.

I knew exactly what promise Arja was talking about. “That I shall stop worrying about stuff I can’t change with my voting rights.”

“People are always gonna get angry about sports,” said Arja. “About everything. Just enjoy the show and root for your favorites!”

“You know what? You may be right!” I said. “I am gonna root for the tutel!”

“Heck yeah! We’re gonna root for the tutel!” said Arja. “Anything else on your mind?”

There was one more thing worrying me. But that was a bit personal and I didn’t think it was worth sharing.

“Um… Yes, but… This is going to be a little bit silly…,” I said.

“That’s fine, go on,” said Arja.

“Well… There’s that remake of The Raven coming to the cinemas soon,” I said. “The original was kind of my egg cracker and I just really want the remake to be good. But the vox populi is already calling it bird crap.”

“Yeah, that was silly,” said Arja. “I guess there’s only one way to find out if people are right and that is to wait.”

“Hey, you wouldn’t want to get a bad sequel to How to Raise a Dragon, would you?” I noted how Arja might find herself in a situation similar to mine.

Arja opened her eyes more wide than I’d ever suspect her dragon body would let her. “True,” she said and we both laughed.

Maybe laughter is the best weapon against bad news from the world?

*************

Yeah, the recent stuff around the Olympics made me worried. Same with that remake of The Crow. But I guess sports and movies are about enjoying the show. So yeah, remember to cheer for Valentina Petrillo in the 400m T12 run!

[raveneira]

Random but i miss 2020/21/22 when the KawaSara fandom was so active, now i barely see people talking about them or making content. Someone needs to bring back the KawaSara fandom somehow😭.

Ikr? its not much but I am trying to bring the fandom back to life as best I can but Im pretty much a one woman army lol plus a lot of personal life stuff has had me busy which hindered my efforts a bit that Im trying to make up for now, starting with hosting this years KawaSara week since the original organizers didn't do it last year and didn't appear to be going to this year either, so I took over because I knew we had support, fans were telling me how sad they were that it didn't happen last year and was begging for someone to organize it this year, so I took that upon myself to do because I didn't wanna see the week not happen this year either because nobody else stepped up to make it happen.

It sucks how so many got run off by bsa constantly harassing them and making them fearful of even making content for the ship because they knew they would get harassed and didn't wanna deal with it.

Alot of ppl also lost faith in the ship, which is understandable, but stupid IMO because there are ships that have gone through worse than KawaSara and became canon but for some reason ppl treated this like 'oh no, conflict, no way this is happening' and Im just like...danm yall really don't know how shipping works huh? but I mean to each their own but like Vegebul is right there if you wanna see a ship thats been through some REAL shit and look at em now.

It's like todays new age shipping everything has to be smooth sailing, super healthy, super pure, minimal to no conflict, for ppl to ship it and believe it'll be canon when that just isn't how it goes.

Like I even saw a shade tweet one time talkin about 'I actually like my ships vanilla, whats wrong with actually wanting a healthy ship built on mutual respect and positive development without any conflict or drama etc' and Im just like...OK? who tf said you couldn't? but these newbies actually treat shipping like some purity contest and have a weird superiority complex for liking the 'healthier' ships and anyone who doesn't like the 'healthy' ship are weird and horrible and don't care about xyz characters etc

Its so dumb, and childish, if all storytellers followed their logic then we wouldn't have some of the best ships in fiction because only the 'healthy' ones would be canon.

Nobody is saying they cant like healthy ships, but doing so does not make them superior to anyone else nor does it give them the right to dictate what other ppl should ship simply because they disagree and think only healthy ships should be supported, thats what ppl have a problem with. You can argue the opposite side has done the same but there is a big difference in severity between the two, 'healthy' shippers act way more superior and aggressive than 'toxic' shippers [as they call them] are.

But on the bright side KawaSara week has been announced to be happening this year and a surprising amount of ppl liked and retweeted it, so it just goes to show KawaSara fans DO still exist and enjoy the ship, they just went quiet or into hiding because of the harrassment.

And guess what? even tho the event page was specifically tagged KAWASARA don't you know antis 'somehow' found it? not even a day passed since it was posted before multiple antis flocked to the announcement to talk shit, that is a prime example right there why KawaSara fans got so quiet and discouraged from making content and talking about the ship, because THIS is what happens when you dare not fall in line with the BoruSara hivemind cult.

If you dont treat Sarada like Borutos exclusive property whos whole world and character revolves around him, then you don't care about Sarada or her feelings

Their logic not mine, so if you dare pair Sarada with someone other than Boruto who they believe owns her, then you don't care about her. If you don't support the narrative THEY set for her regardless if its been confirmed or stated as a canon fact or not, then you don't care about her because fanon interpretations > canon.

This is why I say this behavior screams insecure, I dunno how you could be the most popular ship with the biggest fandom and the most support, a hug in both the anime and manga, being 'fed good' more than any other ship, yet still be THIS triggered by KawaSara just EXISTING

keep in mind this is the ship they claim is dead, a crackship with zero chance of happening, yet they get so riled up everytime KawaSara is mentioned or so much as have a crumb together they all flock to try and discredit and undermine it, if KawaSara fans just have even a tiny bit of fun and happiness with the ship they come flocking to discourage you and make you feel bad.

That level of obsession with a ship you claim has NO CHANCE and is a non threat because your ship is already canon and set in stone, admit it or not, but their behavior screams that their threatened and arent really confident in their ship themselves which is why they feel the need to try and keep KawaSara down to lift themselves up because its the only way they feel secure, by making US go away, and when we don't, they get mad, because for some odd reason they just cant stand to see another shp besides BoruSara getting attention, love, and support, it drives them MAD.

Which is why you cant convince me their not insecure about their ship, that their not threatened by KawaSara, because to put it into perspective think about it like this, do you see SNS being bothered by SasuHinas existence? no right? know why? cuz their secure in their ship and don't feel threatened by SH, so SH is free to exist openly without SNS harassing them because they don't care, SH is irrelevant and has zero impact on them.

Thats how you would think BoruSara would be given how they boast about themselves, how much they have going for em, their popularity, their support, many moments, you'd think they'd be on cloud 9 not even paying little ol KawaSara and BoruSumi any mind but they do, and for some reason its KawaSara especially that gets under their skin more than anything which is strange tbh since thats the ship thats not even semi canon yet.

Lemme put that into perspective, they are more insecure about a ship thats not even semi canon yet, than BoruMitsu, BoruSumi, KawaAda and BoruAda that are semi canon [since many bsa also ship ksu] let that sink in.

I dunno why they have such a specific hatred towards KawaSara, maybe its because a lot of them hate Kawaki, and because Boruto is the top male prize and Sarada is the top female prize in their eyes, therefore nobody else is good enough for them but each other. And by top prizes, Im talking primarily about eugenics and status.

Read between the lines, what was Sakura? the pretty girl all the guys wanted, what was Sasuke? the cool handsome guy from a prestigious clan all the girls wanted, now what is Sarada? the cool pretty Uchiha princess, what is Boruto? the cool young lord all the girls fall for, their not subtle about it at all.

They discredit Sumire's feelings as insincere so she don't feel like a threat, they diminish and downplay Kawakis bond with team 7 and insist he's not even a part of it, they weirdly were fixated on Kawaki's body being inorganic and therefor concluding he was infertile and therefore couldn't have kids and therefore that'd be the end of the Uchiha clan if she was with him [which is telling of how they perceive her that her primary goal in the relationship would be popping babies, not love] they deny Kawaki as a part of the Uzumaki fam, saying he's unworthy, Naruto should disown him, etc etc, to keep him as the worthless orphan that deserves to die they want him to be.

Again, read between the lines, they dont give a danm about Boruto and Sarada together fr fr, this ship is about eugenics, this ship is about being able to brag about the young lord baggin the Uchiha heiress/Hokage, its about bragging rights, its about having the ship with the 2 biggest prizes, its about OP babies finally fulfilling their long weirdly held desire to see what those clan bloodlines mixed together would create, its about saying you don't want SS 2.0 except when its the ship you want then suddenly its A-ok

Foh man

Sorry I went on a bit of a rant but It really is annoying that KawaSara fans cant just exist in peace and always gotta hear them telling us why we shouldn't ship it, why it has no chance, why BoruSara is so superior and set in stone and we should just accept it yatta yatta yatta instead of just minding their danm business.

Yes I know all fandoms are guilty of this, but none like BoruSara, why? cuz its a far bigger fanbase with more support and they use it to their advantage, doesn't help that a lot of boruto stans support the ship as well as many Sarada fans [mostly Boruto stans tho] they even have SS and NH support too, so you cannot compare it. Their a much larger fandom with way more support that makes it extremely easy for them to bully every other fandom because their much smaller and they know it, everyone knows it, but they get away with it cuz whos gonna stop em? their the biggest and the loudest and therefore are right by default because the smaller fandoms are just 'haters' and 'jealous' 😒 lemme stop here

Bottom line I agree, it was nice back then before Ikemoto changed so much when he took over the writing after Kodachi left, ever since then he has completely butchered Sarada's character beyond recognition, not because she understandably cares and worries about her friend, but because thats ALL she cares and worries about, I don't think anyone has even noticed that Sarada hasn't mentioned Naruto or her mother once since the timeskip started besides that one speech that wasn't about either of them, but just about her defending Boruto, not about any grief over her idol being killed, not remorse for sending her dad away and leaving her mom without her husband, no the one and only time she mentions them is to defend Boruto which is abusmal, she didn't even mention her own dad until Boruto MADE her ask about him.

If thats the ship you want me to support then Im good, I don't want a ship where her only personality trait, motivations, goals, and character as a whole revolves entirely around a man and nothing else, just how to make HIS life better and being there for HIS pain and growth and only lifting HIM up while staying in the background doing nothing and having nothing going on for herself.

I know this may sound like 'but wait that makes it sound like KawaSara wont be canon' no Im not saying that, KawaSara is not off the table even with all that bs Ikemoto has done so far, like I said with Vegebul and just shipping in general, just because things look bad doesn't mean you lost, you haven't lost until somethings made official.

Are BoruSara together? no, are they semi canon? no, have either of them been shown or confirmed to have romantic feelings for each other? no, so nothing is lost yet, even if they were semi canon that still wouldn't be a loss because the other half has to reciprocate, like just cuz Sakura, Ino, and Karin liked Sasuke didn't mean he had to reciprocate any of them, just like even if Sarada liked Boruto doesn't mean he has to reciprocate those feelings or vice versa.

The only time a ship has truely 'lost' is when its actually dead, like one half of it dies for example, or its rival ship gets together, or their relationship is ruined beyond repair, like to the point of no possibility of redemption, only then has a ship truely 'lost' and 'died'

So no, none of this is me saying KawaSara cant still happen, it definitely can, especially with Ikemoto and Kishimoto saying Kawaki would be getting more development soon so there's that, if we get more Kawaki focus there might be some Sarada focus in there too in between. I don't wanna speculate tho but thats just a possibility Im throwing out there.

Regardless, sorry for the rant, but I'm really frustrated by this too because its 2024 now and ppl still cant leave KawaSara tf alone? thats what I meant when I said they take advantage of their size, they know they can silence us, but nobody can silence them, and that pisses me off but what can you do.

But hopefully the announcement of KawaSara week this year will get the fandom active and making content again for fans to enjoy, I will try to contribute something myself, I can understand why a lot of ppl might not wanna bother because of the hate they know they'll receive but I hope they don't let that stop them, it was bad enough KawaSara week wasn't hosted last year and everyone was really bummed about it, I don't want them to be happy seeing it happen this year only to not participate because antis wont let them have fun and enjoy the event in peace 🙏 I really hope the fam stays strong and don't let antis stop them from enjoying THEIR event.

[memphisnovels]

Evermore

Chapter 32. Say it once again with feeling

Previous chapter

Masterlist

Hi <3

Sorry in advance :)

pairing: Pietro Maximoff x OFC

warnings: Soft Nadia, soft Pietro, a little bit of spice (only a little), lovey-dovey Nadia and Pietro, angst, hurt no comfort (for now)

I smiled at Pietro from my place behind the kitchen bench, he sat talking to Sam about one thing or another, the topic wasn’t of much interest to me but the fact that he was out of his bedroom and engaging in human interaction was a good sign to me. He wasn’t completely over what had happened in Lagos, and I knew feelings still stirred in him about Sokovia, that was evident. However, he had seemed slightly more at ease since our last conversation, when he’d made a declaration that frankly turned my brain into a jumbled mess incapable of forming an adequate response. Instead of offering a verbal acknowledgment I merely hugged him, ran a hand through his hair, and let it trace a gentle path down his spine.

No one had ever said something like that to me before. I wasn’t sure I had ever actually been loved, not in that way, wasn’t sure I even knew how to be loved like that.

I could not speak to him as he’d spoken to me. There were no words, none that adequate in that moment. There was no part of me I could find that felt even marginally ready to respond in kind to that. So, I remained quiet, offering only gentle affection to him as a signal that I did not disdain him for his feelings.

It was unclear to me whether that would be enough. Part of me hoped that my prior confession of just how much the prospect of losing him had frightened me might offer some consolation for my inability to readily give that part of myself.

His eyes met mine whilst he nodded along to Sam, hips lips curved upward faintly in my direction. I smiled back. As I gazed at him my mind wandered back to two days prior, when he embraced me tightly in his arms.

“You do not have to say anything, I only wanted you to know.”

My smile widened, confusing me slightly. Natasha moved to stand beside me, grabbing a slice of apple I’d just cut and taking a bite. “He seems to be feeling better.”

I hummed. “He is… I just hope it lasts.”

“It’s nice. Seeing you like this, so invested in someone.” I glanced over to Natasha whose expression signaled there was a but coming. “Just don’t spend so much energy trying to keep him afloat that you go under.”

“I’m fine, working with Dr. Norris is helping, my mind is clearer than it’s been in a long time.”

She nodded, though it was evident that she was not entirely convinced. “I know, Nads. I’m glad you’re doing better, but I want you to keep doing better.”

“What are we talking about?” Pietro asked, plopping down into one of the bar stools that sat around the opposite side of the counter.

I shot him an unimpressed look. “None of your business.”

He smirked at me, rubbing a hand over his face. “It’s alright to say you were speaking about my handsome face.” I snorted as I finished the pieces of fruit on my plate, sliding the dish into the sink before meeting his eyes once again.

“Contrary to what you seem to think, the whole world does not revolve around your ‘handsome’ face.”

Both his dark eyebrows rose, lips curving up further. “I’m happy to see you have become so open in admitting how handsome you find my face.”

Natasha snickered to herself, slipping away to take a seat at the table with the others. “I’d say you are annoying, but I fear you get too much enjoyment out of that.”

“Baby, I get enjoyment out of every name you call me.” I rolled my eyes but was unable to quell the smile that spread over my lips. The warmth rising to my cheeks prompted me to look down at my feet momentarily though I forced myself to meet his eyes again soon after. His cheeky expression had turned soft as he leaned on his palm, gazing at me tenderly. “Will you come for a drive with me?” He slid his free hand across the table, palm side up toward me. I looked down at it, biting down on my lip to stop my smile from growing any further. Pietro raised an eyebrow at me as if he knew what I was doing. I lifted my hand up before dropping it down into his. His fingers curled around it, caressing my knuckles and tugging me around the bench and toward him. He didn’t let go of my hand as he stood and walked toward the door.

“Where are we going?” I finally asked, glancing out the rear window as he drove away from the compound.

Even then, his hand held mine.

“We are taking a day off.”

I opened my mouth to question him again but decided against it. Instead, I settled into the seat and watched as the scenery blurred past. When the hum of a familiar song began to fill the car, I reached over and turned it up a few clicks, earning a small smile from Pietro.

“What? I like this song.”

His smile grew as he began to hum. “Slow down you crazy child and take the phone off the hook and disappear for a while.” He sang, eyes flashing to me for a split second before he looked back ahead. “When will you realize, Vienna waits for you…” I squeezed my eyes shut, shaking my head as I breathed a laugh.

“You are so weird.”

His laughter chorused mine. “I don’t know I just like it when you’re happy. It makes everything feel… just better.” I gazed at him as he spoke, unsure how to respond. My mind seemed to go a little mushy and I didn’t recognize the feeling warming me from inside out. The afternoon sun streamed in through the window, making his eyes sparkle even more than normal and bathing him is this warm glow that seemed to radiate outwards. There was a moment when I was looking at him then that I thought maybe I could say it back. “Have you ever been to Vienna?” His question took me off guard, bringing me out of my stupor and back to the passenger seat.

“I… haven’t, no.” There was a beat of silence before I continued. “I was meant to. The last assignment I was on in Saint Petersburg wasn’t originally given to me. I was assigned to an American politician who was in Vienna at the time, but the assignments got switched before I left.”

Another beat. “Why.”

I shrugged. “They were never particularly forthcoming about their decision-making.”

Pietro squeezed my hand then. Thumb smoothing over the top of my knuckles. “Maybe we could go sometime. It might be nice to get away, just the two of us a proper holiday, no working.”

I squeezed his hand back, watching him intently, wordlessly. Yet again, I found myself at a loss for the right words, but I was unable to look away from him, almost entranced by him. My eyes traced over his features like a tender caress, following the curve of his jaw and the flutter of his dark eyelashes. Something foreign propelled me forward out of my seat, I leaned over the center console and planted a kiss on his cheek. He glanced at me in surprise, eyebrows lifting ever so slightly, lips curving upward. I kissed him again and again all over the side of his head.

“That is very distracting for the driver.” He teased, hand finally releasing mine to smooth over my hair.

I slid back into my seat, a soft smile pressed over my lips. He drove about another 25 minutes before beginning to pull of the road. When the car was parked, he looked over at me. I raised an eyebrow at him after taking in the scenery around us, it was beautiful but there was nothing here except a wide-open expanse of land. We were up on a hill here, overlooking plenty of greenery and in the distance, I could make out the township. We could barely see the main road from here and there was not a soul to be seen here. “Are you taking me out here to kill me or something?” I taunted.

“No, smart ass, I saw this look-out when we were coming back from the Christmas tree farm months ago and I thought it would be the perfect place to watch the sunset.”

I held my hands up in mock surrender. “Sorry, it just seemed like one of those ‘no one will hear you scream out here’ places.”

He looked over at me with a raised eyebrow and that devious little smirk, causing me to roll my eyes immediately. “Well, I mean that’s not necessarily a bad thing…”

I punched him in the arm playfully, shaking my head at his snicker. “And here I thought you were trying to be romantic but just a gutter brain.”

He shrugged. “Both things can be true.” I could feel his eyes on me as I looked out at the line of trees below. “You told me that sunsets are your favorite color.”

He was nonchalant as he said it, like it was merely an insignificant observation and not everything. Maybe it was just because I was unused to people so casually knowing things about me, remembering details that I’d perhaps mentioned in passing. I allowed my eyes to pass over his face once again, taking in each detail as if it was the last time I’d ever see him. He met my eyes, smiling softly before leaning over the center console just as I had done and kissing me tenderly. I melted the moment his lips touched mine, any tension that had existed leaving my body as my fingers sunk into his soft, silver hair. His knuckles caressed my cheekbone, tracing a path down my flesh until he reached my shoulder, opening his hand to run the palm down my arm, goosebumps awakening in the wake of his touch. His hand eventually landed on my hip, thumb slipping beneath the hem of my top and smoothing over the bare skin beneath. “You’re very warm.” He murmured against my lips, tightening his grasp ever so slightly. I sunk my teeth into his bottom lip, a kind taunting maneuver. The sound he made had me pressing my lips to his more fervently. It felt like burning alive, the feel of his hot breath on my lips, his hand squeezing my hips, holding on for dear life. He pulled me forward on my seat, prompting me to slide over the gear stick and onto his lap, knee-deep in the driver’s seat, straddling his lap. His hand slid into my hair, mirroring the position mine had held, he tugged it once, firm enough to cause my head to tilt back but not enough to actually hurt me. I raised an eyebrow at him, surprised by his audacity. He mostly ignored my expression of disbelief, though I felt his cocky little smirk press against the column of my throat. My lips parted at the feeling, eyebrows knitting together as I squeezed his shoulder tight, his shirt bunching beneath my fingertips. His hands moved lower, first sliding down my thighs and then back up, tugging the hem of my skirt up just slightly, a suggestion. I felt myself becoming putty in his hands, a tingling sensation running through my body, it was undeniable who had the power right now. Yet, I couldn’t bring myself to mind.

My hand slid from his neck down the center of his chest until it fell over the button of his jeans, though I merely grazed the tip of my index finger over the metal. His lips had separated from my neck as my hand began to travel south, watching intently. His forehead fell against my sternum as I made no move to go lower. I’d yield to him having control, but I certainly wouldn’t go easy on him. “God, you’re such a tease.”

I hummed, letting my finger trail back up his chest to lift his chin upward, tilting his head back. My lips curved in amusement as I hovered over him. “And what are you going to do about it?”

His head fell back against the seat, a breathy laugh falling from his lips. The muscle in his jaw flickered and he narrowed his eyes for a split-second before they traveled down over my chest and beyond. “I’m sure I can think of something.” Pietro’s lips had only just grazed mine again when the buzzing of my phone on the passenger seat pulled my attention from him. His grip tightened on my hip momentarily. “Ignore it.”

I tried, letting the call ring out and letting the feeling of his hands and lips carry me away on a wave of bliss. It was easy to focus on him in this position, however when the buzzing began shortly after it had stopped. A breathy laugh fell from my lips as Pietro groaned exasperatedly. I reached over to grab my phone, seeing Nat’s caller ID pop up.

“Hello.”

“Hi, where are you?”

I furrowed my eyebrows, using the heel of my hand to push Pietro back by his forehead so I could focus on what Natasha was saying with the intoxicating heat of his lips pressing wet kisses into my throat. “What’s going on?”

A beat of silence. “A package was delivered for you today…”

I snorted. “Okay, why the cryptic call? Oh god it’s not from Amazon, is it?” I asked tauntingly.

“Nadia.” My smile faltered at the seriousness in her voice. “A package was delivered to the compound for you today, there were no stamps and no postal address, it was hand delivered.”

Pietro’s eyes met mine as the smile completely dissolved from my face. The radio stayed off on the drive back to the compound. I watched the trees pass by; my mind ticking over what Natasha had told me on the phone.

 “So, you told me that in your last session with Norris, you were getting a clearer image of the man and boy… Have you remembered anything more since?” I glanced over at him, elbow resting against the door, propping my head up with the palm of my hand. The corners of my lips twitched up again. He was trying to distract me, pull my mind away from my worries. I allowed my free hand to fall over his shoulder, squeezing gently and rubbing my thumb back and forth as I continued to gaze at him. For the remainder of the drive, I told him everything I began to remember, the clarity I was gaining, I told him about the peonies and the boy with the cigarette; the one who’d danced with me for hours and spun me around until the room span. He listened intently throughout, hanging off of my every word, and when I told him that I think the man I remember was my father and that maybe, just maybe the boy might have been my brother he held my hand tightly, a reminder that he was here, and he wasn’t leaving any time soon. My heart raced, head spinning as I admitted it for the first time, my entire life I had refused to believe, to dream or so much as suspect that I had ever belonged to someone, to a family. Never for a moment had I allowed the thought to linger that maybe I was not always alone.

There was this warm beautiful feeling in my chest that was entirely unfamiliar, but it was tinged with something that ached. The real reason I’d never given into the idea of a family, the bittersweet knowledge that I had once belonged to them and now I did not, that maybe I did have something before, but it was all taken from me, and I’d never get it back. I didn’t say that part to Pietro, but maybe I didn’t need to because in the lingering silence that fell over us, he squeezed my hand before bringing it to his lips and pressing a gentle, comforting kiss to my knuckles. He didn’t say a word but between us, that gesture spoke volumes. I heard him loud and clear, and my eyes began to sting as I looked at him.

When we entered the compound, there was no part of me that felt uneasy with Pietro’s hand pressed into the small of my back, not guiding, but reassuring me that he was still there. I’d just about forgotten that there was an eerie package with my name on it waiting for me until I took in the apprehension written across Natasha and Steve’s faces.

“Tony took it to the lab to screen it, he’s just testing for any signs of any harmful substances or weapons.”

I nodded, running a hand through my hair. “Did you see who delivered it?”

It was Steve who spoke up then. “Yeah, he was just a kid, got paid anonymously to pick up a package from a storage locker and drop it off here. He didn’t know anything.”

“Should I be worried?”

He sighed deeply. “It could be nothing… it is concerning that someone went to the trouble to have this package delivered here to you, if it were a friend or someone you knew why get a stranger to deliver it?”

I met Natasha’s eyes then. Steve told us he was going to see how Tony was tracking before heading down toward the lab. “It’s not him, Nadia,”  Nat spoke up, it unnerved me how well she knew me.

“I know that.”

“Good, so put it out of your mind.”

Pietro looked from me to Natasha and then back again. “Not who?”

“Dreykov,” I muttered

Natasha piped up quickly. “He’s dead.”

I nodded again. “I know. It isn’t him.” I did, yet my nerves were still shot; a symptom of all those years in that place I supposed, and then the subsequent years where I lived in fear of being found out and dragged back.  There were months after I’d gotten out when I could barely leave the house because I was so afraid. The concept that, even in death, he could still get to me was maddening.

It felt like an eternity, waiting for Tony to finish his tests. When he and Steve finally surfaced from the lab the sun was setting, reminding me of Pietro’s words as we’d sat in the car earlier. It would have been a beautiful place to watch the sunset if only life would stop getting in the way.

Tony placed the package down on the table before me. It was a small box taped shut with no identifying stickers or logos. I sliced the tape open with the knife remaining on the table from breakfast. “Nadia.” Steve stepped beside me, an apprehensive look on his face. “Maybe you shouldn’t open it right away. It could be anything.”

I looked back down at the box. “It’s been scanned, there were no signs of anything suspicious. I’ll be fine.” With that I flipped open the top flaps on the box, the room was so quiet that the shuffling of the box sounded explosive. A note sat at the top; the first words scrawled across it had me hesitating momentarily.

Subject 114

With narrowed eyes I lifted the note out of the box, eyes scanning the rest of it.

If only you knew.

Beneath the note lay a manilla folder and a flash drive. Natasha separated from the group then, murmuring about finding a laptop to plug the drive into. I opened the folder first, eyebrows furrowing, confused by what I was reading. It seemed to be a play-by-play of us chasing Ultron. As if someone had been observing and taking notes, though, as I read on I realized that this was not a study of the team but a study of me.

It was everything.

The way I fought, commonly observed moves, which style I favored most, and how I analyzed my surroundings to gain the upper hand. I flipped through the pages rapidly, the words sticking to me like a second skin, one in particular had me pausing. It described in depth how I had reacted to Wanda digging in my mind, what I’d said, my body language. Below there was a separate note.

Visions of red?

Loss of control over instincts.

When Natasha returned, I yanked the laptop from her hands, jamming the drive in and bringing up the folder embedded. When it opened a tapestry of betrayal unfolded. Images upon images, and a single video at the end. It was like my throat was closing over, like my heart was going through a paper shredder as I clicked through the images. That familiar tentacled skull tattoo taunted me, a familiar face adding insult to injury. I hit play the instant the video popped onto the screen. There was no footage, only voices, a phone call I realized.

“Have you collected the information we agreed on?”

“Yes.”

The knife twisted in my gut. The video played on like a cruel reminder of what happens when you let your guard down. It was like I could feel everything I thought I’d built crumble and disintegrate in my hands. The pages of notes, the agreement alluded to on the phone call, all of it wrapped around my throat until I felt like I was choking. I slammed the laptop shut, chest rising and falling rapidly, heartbeat thunderous against my sternum.

When I saw the look in his eyes, I think I stopped breathing altogether. I did not need to ask if it was true, I saw it all in that beautiful blue gaze.

“Nadia...” He managed to croak. Hands rising as if he were attempting to quell the temper of a snarling animal. I gripped the file so tightly the spine crinkled under my grip. The group parted the moment I turned, allowing me a path to exit. My body felt numb as I rushed away. The door slamming behind me barely reached my ears. “Nadia. I can explain.” His voice shattered the silence, stopping me abruptly in my tracks.

I closed my eyes tightly for a second, attempting to steel myself. When I turned back to face him, I felt jittery; on the edge of implosion. “Okay, explain then.” He opened and closed his mouth like a fish out of water. “You have nothing to say?”

He looked down at his feet. “I tried to tell you… I wanted to; I swear.”

“Oh, you tried to tell me?” I ran a hand through my hair. My heart was beating so fast it was like I could feel it rattling through my body. “Maybe you should’ve tried a little harder!”

“You already hated me so much… I did not want to give you another reason not to trust me.”

“So, you thought starting this relationship off with lies was the better alternative?” He shook his head, clenching his hands into fists at his sides. “What was it, they asked you to befriend me, get me to trust you? Or maybe they told you to seduce me?” He shook his head again, this time running his hand through his hair, making strands fall all over the place. It infuriated me that my mind still took a moment to note his beauty. I forced the thoughts away. “Is that why you’d always seek me out? How long was this going on for, Pietro? Were you still reporting to them while you were here? I mean it makes sense why you were so insistent on getting to know me, getting me to open up to you.”

“No! It wasn’t like that.” His eyes were frantic as they darted across my face. “I swear, Nadia, that’s not what this was. Please, please believe me! This,” He gestured between the two of us. “Was never about that. It was only before I knew you, what you read… what I wrote about you in the shipyard, that was the last time I sent them anything. I swear.” He took a step toward me, but I took a step back, the look in his eyes made my stomach twist. “Nadia.” His voice was wrecked when he said it, pained and full of remorse. I blinked away the stinging feeling in my eyes, attempting to maintain control of my breathing. This was the second time today that he’d brought me to tears, it was utterly disconcerting just how different the cause was. He took another few steps forward but instead of moving back, I put my hand up between us as a sign for him to stop. He took a bold step even closer, gently wrapping his fingers around my hand and pressing it to his warm chest. His eyes willed me to believe him, begged for it. “I’m so sorry, I know I fucked up. This is not how I wanted you to find out.”

I yanked my hand away from him, turning away so I did not have the witness the flurry of hurt and sorrow that crossed his face. “I get it, alright. You hated the Avengers back then and you didn’t even know me, so, what did it matter if you sold me out to Hydra?” I swallowed heavily, attempting to force the white-hot searing feeling down. When I spoke again it was much quieter. “I get it.” I closed my eyes tightly when he said my name so softly. “Just give me some time. Please, just… just stay away from me for a while.” I didn’t wait for him to respond before I left the room in a hurry.

The familiar walls of the compound blurred around me as I rushed down the hallways before shoving the doors open and gasping into the fresh air that burst toward me. I stood there for a moment before taking off, running out onto the grass, further and further. The air whipping around me and the momentum of my pace were the only things keeping me together in that moment. I ran for the trees, continuing until I could barely make out the compound behind me. I finally stopped at the edge of the water, gasping for air, clutching my chest tightly. My heart felt like it was going to explode with how hard it beat. The look in Pietro’s eyes taunted me, the betrayal that underpinned every moment of our relationship.

If only you knew.

Everything flashed before my eyes then, every moment, the tender looks, his soft words of reassurance. The warm grass beneath us as we lay in Central Park, his hand grazing mine. I thought about him assuring me that we would be friends even in the face of my ire.

His voice would not stop ringing through my head, even as I tried to force it out.

“It’s okay to be frightened, Nadia.”

“I don’t give a shit about the intel! Just like I didn’t give a shit about the mission in Russia, not if it means that you get yourself killed just to get the job done.”

I thought about how he'd known me from the moment we laid eyes on each other, yet now it all felt different; tainted with this huge looming secret. This quiet treason that he’d hidden for all this time. The sickening guilt I’d felt for not allowing him in, for pushing him away so many times, those all-fire survival instincts I’d prided myself on. Hot tears streamed down my cheeks, and I couldn’t be bothered wiping them, or quietening the sound of pain that fell from my trembling lips.

When I closed my eyes I saw him, leaning back on the couch, head lolling to gaze at me as we watched stupid, soapy television. The feeling of his arms holding me while my body shook and convulsed in Brazil. The phantom of his finger dusting a loose strand of hair from my face, never allowing me to hide away. I fell down my knees by the water, allowing myself the respite. It was as if all the energy had been zapped from me. I should have known better, should have seen it coming. Maybe this is a punishment, the universe’s way of reminding me who I am.

I really did get it. His agreement with Hydra, he hadn't known me, he and Wanda wanted to destroy the Avengers, so why not pick us off one by one? A little extra vengeance. That much was clear, however, his keeping it from me for all this time, was what drove the point home. That was where it became murky and hard to reassure myself that everything since had been above board.

At some point, the sun sunk completely behind the trees and the air turned chilly, but still, I remained there on the grass, leaning back against a tree trunk. There were ripples decorating the surface of the water which distorted the moon’s reflection. When I was watching the smooth movements of the water, I could imagine I wasn’t really here, like I was a flower growing sprouting amongst the foliage, untouched by responsibility or the unyielding cruelty of the past. Because a flower only has to look up at the sun and gaze upon the water, no expectation other than to sway in the breeze and be just that, a flower.

This would all be so much simpler if I could bring myself to hate him.

[phantomoftheorpheum]

Okay, I got a chance to watch the School Spirits season finale (1x08) and I have so many thoughts and feelings! As usual, I'll be placing them below a cut to shorten the post & to hide spoilers.

Okay. Okay. I literally just finished watching so this is me processing in real time. idk how I feel. Because there are some things I like a lot, but others that I just... I'm not sure. I haven't been convinced.

Let's start with this- I don't love that the entire money/blackmailing scheme seemingly means nothing?? I thought it would at least factor in a little, since we spent so much time on it. The only way it ties in now is that Janet is using the money Nicole stole to get away. I think it's a bit unsatisfying that we get to uncover all these clues & 90% of them just go completely out of the window.

I also don't love that Maddie's "death" ties entirely back to Mr. Martin & Janet. While, obviously, there are still some questions there as to precisely what is happening, I think I would have liked this plot point a lot more if an actual living person "killed" Maddie for a real world reason, but it didn't actually kill her, but the vulnerability of the moment/being injured is what allowed Janet & Maddie to essentially switch places. Then what happened to Maddie has ties to both life & death. And there's still a person out there who did attack/attempt to kill her (and also adds a dimension of them only having some of the info & not understanding what's going on), but there's also this whole supernatural situation going on.

I'm super conflicted about the Janet situation as a whole. While it definitely opens up some interesting possibilities for season 2 (pls, I need it), I am always nervous about anything that potentially makes death less permanent. I've said before that I don't want Maddie to be alive & even with this revelation, I'm not sold on a potential conclusion that would end with her alive/back in control of her body. Obviously this would be a distinct possibility, since it's unclear exactly how/what happened with Janet/Maddie and presumably it could be reversed. I know everyone will feel differently about this, but I personally tend to feel emotionally cheated when I'm asked to invest in a character's death and then it's walked back. So much of this season has revolved around emotionally plucking at our heartstrings, either by having characters hope that Maddie's alive when the audience has been told she's dead (like with her mom & Nicole), or with a character like Simon who is processing knowing she's "dead" & grieving her loss, that I wouldn't want to feel like those scenes exist to get an emotional response from the audience, not because they have weight long term in the story. Like I said, everyone has a different tolerance level for this, and I know mine is pretty low. That being said, I am staying cautiously optimistic that this could go in a really interesting/satisfying direction, if handled delicately.

Ngl, I wish we'd gotten more ghosts in the most recent episode. I just love the ghost characters & would have liked a little more time with them. I also now feel like I need to rewatch & try to figure out exactly when Rhonda became suspicious/found the info on Mr. Martin. I know we saw her in the fallout shelter earlier, but I'm wondering if her "I wanna cross over" thing was entirely an act, or if she only found out later.

Mr. Martin. Okay, what exactly is he trying to accomplish & what abilities does he have? He somehow managed to lock Charley, Wally, & Rhonda up. He's able to make notes and collect objects, even when he isn't interacting with them. Maddie saw him before anything happened to her. It doesn't seem like he and Janet planned what happened to Maddie (at least not in this way) because he yells at Janet not to move when they are interrupted by Maddie and Janet had been yelling for help. Why are there no notes on Janet? What does the "thinning" note that Wally found mean? Thin the ghosts or thin the veil? How is he trying to use this?So many questions here.

I think, given a little time, Simon has to come back around on the idea that Maddie can't just be a hallucination pretty quickly because she gave him info/led him places, etc. that he would never have been able to puzzle out without her help. One of many examples- if Maddie isn't "real" he wouldn't have known Mr. Anderson's phone code. He got that info from Maddie who got it from Dawn.

I actually found myself warming up to Xavier (as a character, not ever again as a love interest for Maddie, to be clear) more than anticipated in this episode. He has made some shitty mistakes, but he does seem to be trying and I have to give him credit for that. Plus, the scene of him, Nicole, & Claire in the truck arguing was genuinely pretty fun.

Loose threads: I know I've brought it up before, but wtf is going on with the social media thing? Was it really accidentally Mrs. Nears? Was it Janet? But how could it be Janet, she didn't have Maddie's phone (I guess she could know people's log ins like Dawn, but why would she do that?), and Janet doesn't actually gain anything by making people think Maddie is alive if she's staying hidden & trying to run away in Maddie's body. I assume the reason she didn't leave town sooner was because she didn't have the means? It's hard to speculate too much about Janet, since we don't know anything about her personality/wants/involvement with Mr. Martin/moral compass/etc.

I'm not surprised that possession became a plot point (Dawn talking about it just seemed too important for it to not), but I wasn't sure if they were going to dive into that with this season or if that was set up for season 2. Obviously it came into play for season 1. Like I said, still processing that.

I do really hope we get a season 2. While there are some elements (particularly the stuff surrounding how permanent death is) that make me a little nervous about things going off the rails, there are so many interesting things (and characters) they could explore & I want to see where they take things. There's a lot of set up for season 2, but also a lot of the mystery/whodunnit elements are currently wrapped up (since we see the scene of Maddie's.... I'm gonna keep calling it "death" because I don't know what else to call it), it feels like we might need another external mystery for season 2.

Anyway, definitely still processing things. More thoughts to come in a bit! Also I still adore Wally & need him to be happy.

[stravagatefaster]

City of Masks - Readalong thoughts

Here's everything I wrote for the City of Masks readalong. I'm putting this under the cut because it got quite long

Part 1: Prologue to the end of Chapter 4 - The Stravaganti

Here are my thoughts on Part 1. Because I have read this book so many times, I tend to not pay too much attention to the beginning since so much of it is mainly just setup for what's to come. This time I tried my best to really pay attention to how the book pulls the reader into its world and what information is given in this beginning section.

The first thing I noticed was that even though Lucien is the protagonist of the book, he is barely in Chapter 1. He is briefly introduced, but we don't really get to know him yet. Instead, the Duchessa is at the center of the prologue and the first chapter. The plot seems to revolve around her, and that's the case for the rest of the book as well. Lucien may be the protagonist, but it could be argued that the Duchessa is the main character; She is the Sun and every other character is a planet revolving around her in this story. I'll have to pay attention to this aspect as I read onwards, since it is an angle I haven't really looked at before.

Another thing the first chapter highlights are the similarities between Arianna and the Duchessa and how both of them have a slightly rebellious nature. Arianna's rebellion is more obvious, but the Duchessa rebels against the Bellezzan's customs by using a double, even though her presence is the whole point of the Marriage with the Sea. This rebellion also comes from a self-serving place for the both of them: Arianna's main concern is herself, and Silvia does things because they are convenient to her (for example, using a body double because it spares her from going in the cold water and keeps people thinking she still looks young). Silvia even looks down on her subjects and especially their superstition, and a part of this is represented by how she blocks her ears with wax to block the sound of the cheering masses. The Duchessa is not presented as a loving and perfect ruler or a cold and heartless villain, but as a very realistic image of a woman who has ruled a city for over 20 years and is kind of over all the grandiose her life entails. This is, in my opinion, a more nuanced portrayal of a ruler than in most YA books, and it speaks to Hoffman's writing ability that she is able to bring this out within just the first chapter.

In the first chapter there are interesting little breadcrumbs that point to Silvia and Rodolfo's marriage. For example, the line "After all these years, his bony hawklike face still pleased her. And this year she had a particular reason to be glad of that" might seem like a slightly strange detail for a first-time reader, but in hindsight it's very obvious what that line refers to.

I don't have as many notes on chapters 2-4. One thing I noticed was that Rodolfo almost immediately offers Lucien prosecco. This was funny to me because a friend of mine recently read this book and pointed out how much alcohol gets consumed in this book. This is something I'll keep an eye on.

One thing I found interesting in this section was what happens to the di Chimici spy (Enrico, though he is not yet named in this section) in chapter 4. Of course, without this readalong most people could just keep going on, but I couldn't help but notice that we don't yet get an explanation of what happens to him. It is implied that something magical goes on, since he seems to feel Rodolfo's presence even when he is not physically there. But we don't find out what actually happens to him, only that he just dissappears. There was really no point to this observation, especially since I know what happened, but if I were reading this for the first time, this would be one of the little details in this book that make it a fantasy story. In general, I think it's interesting how unlike in other fantasy stories, where the magical aspects tend to be very explicit and front-and-center, in this most of the fantasy elements are hidden in small blink-and-you'll-miss-it details or moved to the background, apart from stravagating itself, of course.

My final notes are on Rodolfo's description of the di Chimici family in chapter 4. By this point in the book, Rinaldo di Chimici has only been mentioned very briefly, so the reader doesn't have much context on what Rodolfo is describing. This description is clearly meant to paint the di Chimici (sidenote: I find it interesting that in this book its "the Chimici", when it's "the di Chimici" in later books.) as the "big bad" of the series, but I don't think this image is as menacing as it could be. We don't really get an explanation on why the di Chimici are so bad, just that if they were to acquire knowledge throughs stravagating, they would keep it all to themselves. Rodolfo's description almost makes it seem like the di Chimici are already planning on world domination or something, and getting magic/science on their side would give them the tools for that, but honestly, from this description they also just seem like every other powerful family in European history: Conquering new territories and using marriage as a tool to make allies. This doesn't exactly tell me why the di Chimici are supposedly so bad, since it's not like this book has some strong anti-nobility stance in general.

It's also clear that Hoffman had not yet fully fleshed out the rest of the series at this point. "Every city but one in Northern Talia is ruled by one of [the di Chimici]" is not exactly true, as we find out later on in the series.

Part 2: Chapter 5 - Lagoon City to the end of Chapter 8 - A Jar of Rainbows

Lucien's story in this section is mostly about him learning about Bellezza and Talia. We straight up skip a few weeks (page 85), and we get a tour of the islands. On the English side, Lucien gets a visit from his friend Tom. This scene really highlights the difference in Lucien's two lives. We get a glimpse of what his life was like before the cancer and what it could be like if he was healthy. In this section we also get a taste of what could happen if he stays in Talia for too long. And yet he still ends this section by deciding to attend the celebrations. It's clear he's already prioritizing his life in Talia, which is not surprising, considering how little he has to do at the moment in his real life.

Before I move on to my notes about the worldbuilding, I want to point out the part where Lucien does his little internet searches. I think this is one of the parts that heavily date the series as taking place in and being written in the early 2000s. The way Hoffman describes using the internet is almost hilarious now, 20 years later. I've done a lot of research on the history of the internet, and I find this book to be an interesting time-capsule of what our relationship to the "web" was back in the day. Hoffman is really good at describing settings in a way that makes you feel like you're there, with just enough information without it being overwhelming; Any time I see Venice in another piece of media I feel like I know all the places already all thanks to how familiar I'm with Bellezza. This extends to how she describes the early 2000s online spaces. I can practically see the simplistic HTML sites when I read the passages about Lucien looking up information on William Dethridge.

In this section,we find out several things about the alternate universe Talia is in. One of these is that silver and gold have sort of switched places in that universe so that silver is valued more. (not really a spoiler but an extremely general thought about the series overall:) I find it interesting that although this detail never really plays a major part in the overall plot of the books, it is one of the defining differences between the world of Talia and our world.

We also get the origin story of the masks mentioned in the title of the book. It was left vague when exactly the earlier Duchessa's accident happened beyond that it was about 100 years ago, but if it really was exactly 100 years ago, then I really do believe she was the one to kill the di Chimici prince. According to the di Chimici family tree, he died exactly 100 years before City of Masks takes place, which would be a very convenient coincidence.

Enrico gets introduced better in this section after Rodolfo briefly expels him to Padavia. Right away we learn to recognize him as the man with the blue cloak. We also get a little bit of his relationship with Giuliana, the girl who acted as the Duchessa's body double. I find it kind of funny that Giuliana is the only one in the whole series to describe him as "handsome". Love really blinds people I guess. I'd like to know more of Enrico's backstory, especially since it's revealed that he's not from Bellezza. Where does he come from? How did he end up in Bellezza and working for Rinaldo di Chimici?

Through Enrico and Giuliana, in this section Rinaldo finds out about the Duchessa using a double for important occasions, and we start to see the plot of the rest of the book taking place. A piece in this is Guido Parola, who gets a couple of scenes in this section, one of which focuses on his backstory (sick father and a brother who gambled away their money) and the other which has Rinaldo giving him instructions to kill the Duchessa.

My final note is that so far most of this scheming and spying has been done by the di Chimici side, but in this section Silvia also sends her own spy after Arianna. This is just one of the little details that places her in a sort of gray area, closer to her enemies. And she's not the first Duchessa to be framed this way either; The story of the glass mask portrays the old Duchessa as a vain and ruthless person, and I can't help but think if this ability to exist in a gray-ish area morally is what is required of someone to be in this position, or if it is something you become due to being the Duchessa.

Part 3: Chapter 9 - Twelve Towers to the end of Chapter 13 - A Death Sentence

First of all, Dethridge. We get a short visit to Montemurato and find out more about Dethridge's past. The reason I wanted to talk about him was his way of speaking. Since he is from Lucien's world but hundreds of years in the past, he speaks in a pseudo-elizabethan way (I'm not an expert of the English language but I'm pretty sure that it's not entirely accurate). At times his speech is difficult to understand unless I sound out the words in my head. In the Finnish translation, he speaks in a fake old-timey way that is not old-fashioned enough to be historically accurate (that might be too difficult to read for younger readers). My Swedish is not quite good enough to properly analyze the translation in the Swedish version, but it seems that the words themselves are pretty "normal". I think one of my friends once said that the old-timey feeling comes from the word order there, but I'm not 100% sure about that.

In this section Rinaldo and Enrico turn their interest towards Lucien, and by extension, Arianna. It's a bit of a stretch to go through "to get the Duchessa we need to get Rodolfo, to get him we have to get Luciano, to get to him we have to get Arianna", but I suppose it kind of has to happen for the plot. My opinion is that the scene in the mandola is perhaps one of the most important scenes in the entire series since it is relevant even in the last book at the trial in Fortezza. The aftermath is one of my favorite parts of this book; It's so funny seeing Rinaldo be tormented by not knowing what happened. He just thinks Guido took the money and didn't even try the assassination, and in reality Guido is now working for Silvia.

The most interesting thing about the scene to me is this line: "A thousand regrets flooded her mind but not for her personal safety; they were all to do with the city, Rodolfo and the brown-haired girl." (Chapter 10) That's  pretty obvious foreshadowing of both how important Rodolfo is to her (which has been sort of in question for most of the book, with the highlighting of how he is not the only lover she's had) and that Arianna is her daughter.

The funniest thing in this section was where we find out that Enrico has fallen into the canal while drunk.

Part 4: Chapter 14 - The Bridge of Sighs to the end of Chapter 18 - Viva Bellezza!

In this section we finally find out that Arianna is Silvia's daughter. There are quite a lot of clues hidden in the book, and re-reading it makes them very easy to spot, but if I remember correctly, when I first read it, this kind of came as a surprise to me (granted, I was a literal child back then). I find it interesting that Arianna's first positive reaction (after going through the initial shock and negative emotions) is to the fact that this means she won't have to marry someone "boring". This is a fear that has surfaced a couple times before in the book, but I feel like it could have been highlighted a bit more, especially in connection as to why Arianna wanted to be a mandolier in the first place. It's obvious that what she desires is freedom and some purpose beyond being a wife, and becoming a mandolier was just a tool for that. Her desire to be a mandolier fades into the background pretty quickly, so it doesn't seem like that specifically was what motivated her.

There is one plot hole in regards to the reveal of Arianna's birth. Silvia says she gave birth to Arianna during the Epiphany banquet, but in book 4 we find out her birthday is in October. Since Epiphany is celebrated in January, and we don't really have a reason to believe any of the holy days in Talia occur in different times to our own world (for example: Easter in book 3), this is just a plot hole.

I have to mention that Rodolfo's clowning in regards to Arianna's father is always funny to me. It doesn't even occur to him that it could be him and that Silvia could have kept that information from him just because she's a #gaslight #gatekeep #girlboss.

The "death" of the Duchessa also happens in this section. I find it interesting that it is the Duchessa's own spy who helps Enrico get the plans for the glass room. Silvia uses Giuliana specifically as a decoy, and by doing so she ensures that she gets rid of the double with the loose lips, and thus keeps it a secret (even in "death") that she used a double. It makes me wonder if she's ever previously gotten rid of a double who talked a little too much.

The final thing I have to say is about stravagating itself and its connection to physical places. When Lucien is in Venice, his connection to Bellezza seems to be stronger even when he is not actively stravagating. I also find it interesting that Dethridge and Rodolfo get the mirror to Lucien's room working only after he hangs up the mask he brought from Venice. Perhaps this object that originates from Bellezza's counterpart allowed for the barrier between the worlds to be thin enough for it to happen.

Part 5: Chapter 19 - Between Worlds to the end of the Epilogue

One big thing I want to mention in my final thoughts is the magiv system/stravagating itself. I've already commented on this topic in my other messages, but as a whole, this re-read has really highlighted some very interesting things to me. The most important one is stravagating and its connection to physical space (see my comment on the previous section). Most of the other moments of "magic" (though Rodolfo would deny them being magic) in this book, at least the ones that come to my mind, also have something to do with space; Rodolfo sending Enrico to Padavia and Rodoldo's impossible rooftop garden. I'll have to pay attention to if this pattern continues in the other books.

Speaking of Rodolfo, I have to mention a couple of things about him as well. His reaction to Silvia's "deception" is interesting to me. He is extremely loyal to her, but when speaking to Arianna about how he would rather have taken her away from everything than gone along with this lying, he shows a rare moment of not putting Silvia at the top of his list of priorities.

I've already touched upon how funny it is that Rodolfo just doesn't get that Arianna is his child, but there's another one of Rodolfo's clown moments in this book that gets me every time. This one is at the trial, right when poor Lucien dies in his old body. I have cried at Lucien's death many times when reading this book, but this time all I could do was focus on what Rodolfo does, because ever since my friend pointed it out, I haven't stopped thinking about it: What was Rodolfo thinking when he threw the book at Luciano? Was he planning on bonking him so hard on the head that he would stravagate immediately? How was Lucien tied up, and how was he supposed to catch the book if his hands were tied? My friends and I have tried physical demonstrations of this scene but we just can't figure out what Rodolfo was thinking.

My final notes are on Rinaldo. This re-read made me really notice how he and Enrico really are like two sides of the same coin. This is even highlighted by Lucien nicknaming them Smelly and Stinky; Enrico smells bad because of his disregard of personal hygiene, and Rinaldo practically bathes in his perfumes, but the end result is that neither of them smell pleasant. I think this really encapsulates both characters into one allegory.

Rinaldo is canonically in his mid-20s in this book (source: di Chimici family tree in the later books), but with the way he is written, it feels like maybe Hoffman originally intended for him to be older. Without going into too much detail on the later books, in this one Rinaldo feels like he's supposed to be what other characters are later on. I would love to know how much of the overall story Hoffman had planned when writing this first book.

The detail of Rinaldo being a citizen of Remora is interesting to me. In this book, we get to know how Bellezzan citizenship works (you either have to be born in Bellezza or marry a Bellezzan), but we don't know how it works in Remora. If it's the same as in Bellezza, Rinaldo being a citizen of Remora doesn't make sense, since he is supposed to be from Volana. Was he made into a citizen so he could be an ambassador? I'm probably reading too much into this, but it's just something that caught my eye.

[legoarsonist]

so anon... hm.. what would you say your top 5 fnaf charathers are- other than vanny ofc (Im desprate to see who you like)

OMG SCAR HAII

god, aside from vanny? it's difficult to say honestly. this won't be in any particular order as there r some characters which depend on certain aspects of the lore being canon or what have ya

The fnaf world whiterabbit. There is something about their design which i've absolutely obsessed over and used for numerous different ocs, where they do not have backstory or history, I fill it in with headcanon and frankly I just love the guy.

Candy Cadet. love this guy. All he does is tell stories and that makes me respect him, like he doesn't even try to kill the player or anything, he's the only real friendly force in the games and his design is legendary.

spring/glitch/scrap/burn/trap. I have a lot of history with this dude, I have an ex that's sorta tainted my enjoyment of the character as a whole, but it's undeniable the affect afton has on the franchise and just how much the story revolves around him. His designs? stellar, even scraptrap is cool. glitchtrap was a masterfully done setup for fnaf's reboot, UCN was a great demonstration of fnaf's wordless storytelling, and pj heywood just did an amazing job as his voice

The puppet. Charlie's story in both the books and the games is fascinating, FFPS and the security puppet are honestly great reminders abt how actually messed up the franchise can get. Charlie was around three in the books when she died, and maybe around five in the games. It's a useful lil thing to remember that the ghosts inhabiting these metal shells didn't even get to live to ten years of age. Of course they'd still congregate around afton and try to keep him in perpetual torment they died in the fucking kindergarten. I'd get mad too.

Bonnie. He's definitely not a huge fave of mine, but you gotta respect the OG bunnyrabbit, and plus that withered design goes HARD x3

RWQFSFASxC. honestly I really like the shadow animatronics, I still firmly hold onto the headcanon that they were employees part of the "multiple and simultaneous" springlock incident, love how mysterious they are and how scott refuses to elaborate on them, makes em cool

[lakesbian]

To be honest, as someone who have actual siblings, the Cosay siblings headcanon it's kinda odd to me.

There's other potential sibling relationships like Lake and Tulip (that's why there's so much Twins Aus) and Jesse and Nate, but that one is more obvious... even if the blushes are because both of them are embarrassed, I don't think all of them are for that reason, the blushes can be by making a lot of strength (Book 1 Lake for example when they tried to escape to the door, also Tulip blushes too because of Lake's weight), a sign of attraction, joy, excitement, ect.

also, they hold hands soooo yeah :T

this is so funny. your analysis is bad, sorry. the only thing it has going for it is that it's the meat pumpkin in my tiger enclosure, by which i mean i will have fun tearing it apart.

"there's other potential sibling relationships, like lake and the girl she spends an entire season violently insisting her life doesn't revolve around!" like in what world LMAOOO she literally goes "i spent my whole life reflecting you, i'm going my own way now" to tulip to explain that because her life has been based entirely around tulip she doesn't want to have any connection to her, and you think there's good grounds for a sibling headcanon? deranged. i love that you started off with this because it really established the tone for how (in)coherent the rest of your thoughts were going to be perfectly.

as for the blush commentary, i. can't figure out what you're trying to say here? like, sure, sometimes characters in the show blush because they're being physically exerted, but that's irrelevant to bring up as an argument because it doesn't contradict my statement that the blushes in s2 aren't romantic. what does lake being exhausted from her failed attempt to escape the chrome car have to do with that?

the blushes in s2 do have varying emotional nuances behind them but they can generally all be tied back to embarrassment, shyness, or other similar feelings. lake blushing in the lucky cat car because she's flustered that jesse is expressing care for her is certainly happier than jesse blushing in the map car because he's admitting his state-qualified swim stroke lake is teasing him about isn't his favorite, but the core emotion motivating both is still feelings of vulnerability, and subsequently, self-consciousness. it's kind of a nothing-statement to say that 'not all of them are because of embarrassment' because yeah no shit, i never claimed the reasons for them were solely one-dimensional. this is The Train Nuance Blog, it's a given that there's nuance.

the "it's a sign of attraction" regarding s2 blushes is just like. Comically stupid. go read my post with the multiple screenshots of one of the show's writers explicitly confirming that the blushes aren't because of a crush & they're Platonic Friends, dippie. https://lakesbian.tumblr.com/post/714630299618770944/okay-umm-listen-i-have-a-silly-a-very-silly

and "they hold hands" ...,,,,..,,,rip to you i guess but some people have physical affection with their non-romantic loved ones? we got a fucking time traveler from the goddamn victorian era out here in my inbox talking about the Intrinsic Romance of [checks notes] "touching your friends." WAIT until you find out that i'd kiss mine on the cheeks LMAO. i'm gonna have to get ms lindsay katai on the phone to inform her that despite the crew's best attempts they did unfortunately accidentally write a romance by depicting a lonely traumatized child sharing occasional physical affection with her first-ever friend to comfort her during the most upsetting moments of her life :/

cosay siblings is rlly not that odd of a projected life outcome for them--they're best friends, lake living with jesse is a fairly common assumption people make, and a best friend you live with who's slowly becoming integrated into your family as a whole is...kind of just going to become an adopted sibling! there are many people who describe their best friend as being "like a brother/like a sister," there's no reason jesse and lake couldn't start feeling similar in the future & then turn it into "just literally actually brother/sister because he IS her family so it's not Like a sister, it's Is a sister"

[glimmering-brainfamily]

hgfhgf ok this was all supposed to just sit politely in the tags but apparently tumblr has a tag limit so it's going under a readmore instead I'm really sorry

jewblog criticises op for centering their own experiences so I hope adding mine in the tags is alright. but I do think they are illustrative of jewblog's point

I'm an atheist (agnostic. its complicated), and my parents very deliberately raised me to be atheist. They'd both had christian upbringings themselves but neither of them were very pious, and my dad in particular was a staunch exchristian athiest. so growing up I was not put into a catholic school (despite those being cheaper and easier to access, and often being held to a higher standard of education than secular public schools in australia)

Even then, the secular public school had a 'religious studies' class that needed a parent's note to opt out of (which mine did). This class was pretty much just bible studies taught by a pastor. Only xtianity (specifically catholic xtianity but who's counting?).

Basically the point I'm driving home here is that my parents did e v e r y t h i n g in their power to raise me atheist. They fought the System tooth and nail. Buuut. School holidays each year revolve mainly around easter and christmas. The families of other kids all had christmas trees in their homes, and organised easter egg hunts in their backyards, so of course my parents had to do the same thing otherwise they'd feel like barbarians.

And obviously while I never had to go to church I knew what a church is. A lot of literature and media would talk about religion (xtianity) or had religious (xtian) themes, a lot of nonreligious people use religious (xtian) language and themes as a way to express really big or profound feelings or ideas... I really couldn't help but absorb a lot of it through cultural osmosis. Which is how you get to the kind of culturally christian atheist headspace where you're like, 'well even I know that cain killed abel with a rock because cain was jealous that abel gave god a better offering, everyone knows that', 'yeah abraham was commanded to sacrifice his son isaac and was gonna go through with it before being stopped by an angel. everyone knows that one'

I didn't read any of that in a bible or get taught it in school! I just know it because the entire world has been built in such a way that it's really hard not to know at least some of it!!! and you know what??? this fully does not apply to any religion other than christianity. did you know that I only just learned TODAY what a rabbi actually does??? I always thought a rabbi was roughly analogous to a pastor or priest. it wasn't until I saw a post, I think by vaspider, where it was exasperatedly but politely explained that a rabbi is more like... a professor or teacher of jewish laws. like an expert to consult about stuff you're unsure about or make sure important events adhere to jewish law. and that's it!!! they're not ordained by god to have special prayer powers or whatever, this block of tags has gotten so so so long lmao sorry well it's not tags anymore but im still sorry

but you gotta understand when people talk about cultural christianity, they're not precisely talking about you- well they sort of are but only in the sense that you exist and are part of the world, like. cultural christianity is 100% a societal thing. and the society for humans is THE WORLD. IT'S THE WORLD!!! TURN YOUR HEAD THERE'S JUST MORE WORLD TO LOOK AT!!! YOU CAN'T BLOCK IT OUT IT'S THE FUCKEN WORLD!!!!!!

and yeah it's not the whole world but unless I uproot my whole life and move to a country that doesn't speak english it's going to be MY whole world for the rest of my life. so. yeah.

it's wild because you don't start really seeing it until after you've been quietly listening to your jewish friends for a while and you realise you're living in the culturally christian matrix

Things I would prefer to be called rather than “culturally christian”

+ Raised christian

+ Has a christian background

+ Exchristian

These still acknowledge a person’s history with christianity while also respecting the fact that they have left it. Hope this helps!

[your-highnessmarvel]

From Bleak to Bright

Requested by Anonymous: the world is in black and white until you meet your soulmate. you’re Bruce’s little sister. you want to go with him during Avengers 2012 because you’re the only one that “can calm the beast” if ever he pops out. so you’re just chilling with the avengers in the flying thing. then they bring Loki in. the world goes to bright, bright colors. you don’t want it to be him. but it is. no one knows. no one knows but him.

AN: IM BACK. YES. AFTER LIKE A WHOLE YEAR. the flying thingy. me too i had to google it, ahaha

Warnings: angst, language

*gif not mine

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MASTERLIST

You spun on the stool, facing your brother with a sigh. He scratched the back of his head, the glow from Loki’s scepter reflecting on his specs in a grey light. 

“One more hour?” he asked with a wince. 

You rolled your eyes. “Okay,” you groaned. “But then we’re off to bed. And I’m putting Celine Dion on the stereo to sleep.”

“Not her again,” he groaned. 

You raised a finger, brows crawling up your forehead. “You made me come here on this ridiculous flying tank with the God damned Avengers, of all people, and we’ve been here for four days listening to sounds of water dripping and Cap’s fifties music.”

Bruce sighed, leaning his forehead into his palm. “Fine.” His hands went up in mock surrender. You could see the tension in his shoulders, straining against the material of his chemise. 

Not that you could see the color of it. You imagined it was blue. Bruce liked blue. Bruce knew colors. Of course he did. He’d met his soulmate such a long time ago, you’d forgotten she even existed. 

But not you. You’d gone through life in the dreary black and white of a world without a soulmate. But now you were curious. You knew the colors by name, but not sight. What does green even look like? Bruce had told you trees and grass were green. Some people’s eyes. Ever since he’d told you that, green became your favorite. Maybe blue could beat it, since Tony Stark had told you the sky was all shades of blue combined. 

An alarmed blared overhead, and your first instinct was to run to your brother’s side. Bruce’s eyes met yours, his mouth tugging up at the corners. 

He’s fine.

Your hand found the curve of his forearm, still. No one really knew what actually triggered the Hulk, and you, being his little sister, were the only human alive able to tame the beast. 

You heard footsteps, many, clambering loudly down the hall. The door to Bruce’s workspace was wide open, and you heard the telltale sound of security making their way down the hall. You frowned. What could they be doing so late at night, and so many all together?

At first, from the windows in the workspace, you only saw the black suits of the security patrol, their reflective masks bright in the hall. They walked in patterned, simultaneous movements, guns held firm in their grasps.

You saw the top of a really - no, seriously, really! - tall head, black hair. White skin. And as the small platoon of security walked passed your door, you saw the man walking in their midst, tied in shackles. 

He turned his head, buzzing in your mind, something deep in your chest tightening. And then you saw the color of his eyes. 

You couldn’t tell at first. Because the world became so vivid, so bright. He went from black and white to stark and bright and whole before your eyes, stealing the breath from your lungs. 

A ringing started in your ears, a burning in your throat. You couldn’t help but stare, watching his eyes drink you in as well, watching his own world turn from ash to bright as the sun. 

No, you thought. No. Not him. 

Anyone but him.

And just before he rounded the corner, his lips stretched into a smirk. 

A cold hand on your arm brought you back. As if slamming back into your body. 

“You okay?” Bruce asked. 

You gulped. Nodded. Felt your cheeks blooming with heat. “Yeah, of course.”

You could see the colors on your brother, now. Albeit, not being able to tell which specific color it was. And yet he was beautiful. Later, after hours of searching online for colors, you’d be able to tell his hair was black, his eyes a warmest brown, his skin a shade of white a few degrees darker than yours. 

But now, it took everything in you not to scream. 

You could finally see the entire world for what it truly was and all because of a demi-God wrought with darkness. 

No. It couldn’t be him.

You separated from your brother, your mouth dry, feeling his eyes on you. He could always tell when you were troubled. But there was just no way, no freaking way, you’d tell him that you’d just met your soulmate. If he knew who it was... No. You wouldn’t tell him. You wouldn’t tell anyone. 

You went to the computer and turned the screen away from Bruce, clearing your throat. Bruce went back to his own computer.

You didn’t even search up colors yet. You searched up the possibility of soulmates being wrong for each other. The computer spat out articles and data from hundreds of years, all proving that the soulmate trigger worked. That the signs of color all proved one had met the person right for them.

You sighed, dropping your head in your hands. 

You rubbed at your eyes, steeling yourself for what you were about to ask. 

“Bruce?”

“Hmm?”

“Did they just bring in Loki?”

His head raised from his computer. “Yeah.” He frowned. “I’m going to go ask why. Does it disturb you that he’s here?”

You scratched your jaw. “No, not at all,” you said quickly, too quickly. You cringed internally, hoping your face didn’t mimic the shame you felt. “Just - why?”

“I’ll go ask,” Bruce said. If he had any inkling as to why you were suddenly intrigued in God of mischief, he didn’t give any clue. 

He left. You took a second to steady yourself. You counted your fingers. Felt the shape of your face. 

Then you took a breath in and all but flew out the door. 

You followed the maze that was the inner organs of the Helicarrier until you reached the “jail”, which was, upon inquiry, meant to hold your brother if ever you weren’t there to calm him in time. 

You watched from outside the doors as Fury talked to Loki. You couldn’t help the fire in your chest as you watched. Loki seemed trapped, looking discreetly around the room, around his glass cage, his green eyes keen on any weakness.

You felt the sweat collecting in the palm of your hands. You waited patiently, praying whatever Bruce was up to would keep him long enough that he wouldn’t come looking for you. You heard broken pieces of the conversation on the other side of the steel enforced doors, but Loki’s voice was even, steady, unafraid. 

He knew he wouldn’t be beat here.

You counted to one hundred the moment Fury walked out. Your heart beat vehemently between your ribs, battering your bones. Your knees were putty when you finally, slowly, opened the doors.

The air ruffled your hair, blowing it out of your face. 

He stood tall, straight, unmoving, statuesque in the middle of his prison. Hands at his sides. Eyes mild. Mouth straight. He gave no indication that his world had finally shifted after millennia of black and white. 

“I didn’t have to wait long.” His voice sent shivers down your spine, your body so reactive to even the sound of his words that you wondered, for just a second, what his touch would do. 

You closed the door, tentatively approaching the control board. You saw a big red button and decided maybe touching random buttons wouldn’t do any of you any good. 

“What’s your name?” he asked, following your movements with his sharp emerald gaze. He still stood there, like cement was poured down the length of his spine. 

You darted your eyes back to his. He was glad in - what you later learned - was a green and gold ensemble, a green cotton cape grazing the floor of his cage. He was beautiful, really. Cut by the finest knife to the most perfect edge. 

He smiled then, creasing his cheeks in what you could only feel as adorable. 

“Didn’t expect it to be moi, did you, princess?”

You tried not to react, but heat bloomed across your cheeks, giving you away. 

“Why?” you asked.

He rolled his eyes, sighing dramatically, breaking his statuesque stance to throw his arms up. “By the Gods,” he groaned, accent thick on his tongue. “You humans are so pathetic. Why this? Why that? Why me? Oh, you want to be so special that you question the straight line of fate as if the entire meaning of the world revolved around you.”

You raised your brows. Wow. He’d been thinking of that for a while.

“Do you know the colors?” you asked, approaching the glass that separated you from your soulmate. 

He took you in, green eyes drinking you in from head to toe. He didn’t seem to think anything negative about his soulmate. “I’ve taken sense-enhancing drugs in my lifetime,” he said. “I’ve known colors briefly. Thor taught them to me.”

You nodded. “Your eyes are green.”

His lips split in a grin. “You’re very perceptive,” he chuckled. “And you’re wearing a powder blue sweater. Childish.”

Something in you shifted and you wanted to say something, something bad. Something along the lines of, “what is your favorite color?” and then run and wear it.

Instead, you approached the glass even more. By this distance, you could see he was significantly taller than you. He eyed you down his nose. 

“A human,” he said with distaste. 

“Maybe that’s your punishment,” you ventured, your heart railing against your ribs. “Maybe that’s your conundrum. You’ve thought nothing of humanity but the possibility to dominate and squander us under your boot like ants. Isn’t it fitting?”

You saw the anger cross his face before his lips spat the vile things he thought in his mind. “You are not worthy of a God, you fleeting, imbecile, nothingness of a human. I will outlive you before I even grow a white hair. Our children will watch you wither before they’ve even gone to school.”

“Our children?”

That seemed to faze him. 

Wow, you thought. Of all the things Loki was, he was traditional. He very well intended to follow through with the soulmate script; to marry you and have children with you.

The thought first amazed you, burning bright in your mind’s eye. Then you thought twice and feigned disgust. 

He laughed. “Oh, please, you’re the luckiest woman in the universe to have been bound to a God.”

“Aren’t you a demi?”

His gaze placated you. “I am, but the fact remains that I am greater than you, greater than anything your pathetic little human brain can conceive.”

You rolled your eyes with audacity you didn’t know you had. “Well,” you sighed, shrugging, hands in your back pockets. “What now?”

He cocked his head. “What do you mean?”

“Are we to start this - thing, or are we to go back to our normal lives and, hoping you don’t obliterate the planet, we never see each other again?”

His jaw clenched, working. “You know it’s physically impossible now for us to be apart.” He said this through clenched teeth, hands in fists. 

You shrugged again. “I don’t know about you but I wouldn’t mind never having to look at your ugly mug ever again.”

He frowned deeply. “Try it, then, you’ll see, mortal.”

You sighed apathetically, turning your back to him. 

“Before you go!” Loki called. You turned slowly on your heel, offering him nothing but your side profile. “Let your brother know I’m hoping to meet him soon.”

The blood in your veins went cold. 

Part 2? Anybody?

[narcissa-black-supermacy]

Bellatrix is feminist icon in the same way that Margaret Thatcher is: not a fucking good way. Omg so #girlboss thoooo 🤪🤪🤪🤪

Seriously, I don't know what your idea of feminism is, but mine is about defending the rights of women and lifting each other up, not standing alone at the top of the food chain with blood of other women on my hands and slurs on my priviliged tongue.

Please, you can just call her a strong female character instead of dragging feminism through the mud.

okay i am going to be honest here, i was contemplating whether i should answer this at all. the wording feels very passive aggressive.

however i do want to encourage open conversation on my blog. and its important for me to stress that it is okay to disagree w my opinions and come talk to me about it. so i am going to answer this politely.

when i say "feminist icon" in the context of fictional characters, i mean female characters who are inspirational to me. who i can look up to. whose stories give me strength to deal with shit in real life.

for different people, it will be different characters - and that's okay.

the way i see it, she is the only character in the entire series who really breaks the stereotypes of whats expected of her as a woman, especially in the context of pure-blooded society where shes raised (which i relate to a lot, having grown up in a religious muslim environment where a woman's sole purpose is to marry young and have a bunch of kids).

my impression of bellatrix when watching/reading the series was that she was the ONLY female character who:

is an active fighting member of the Death Eaters, an all-male organization

is the most important and powerful member of said organization, after snape and the dark lord himself

does not have children, which goes against the entire concept and purpose of marriage in pure-blooded society

is way more powerful and "important" than her spouse. her story is independent from Lestrange

does not have her story revolve around a bigger male character

Her entire character arc is centered around defying every possible role she's been assigned since birth.

I have a whole post on this, which people seem to reference a lot, but based on the things they say, dont actually bother to read before coming to tell me they disagree.

It is important for me to note that once again, we are talking in the realm of fictional world. I am under no illusions that killing and torturing people is, indeed, a bad thing. This is fiction.

And once more, I encourage people to challenge my opinions and talk about it, but please do try to do it in a respectful manner. You can come off anon and talk to me either publicly or privately about this.

[blushing-titan]

My reasons to ship Erehisu

About two weeks ago, I got an anonymous ask that reads:

what made you ship erehisu? I don't ship anyone in the series (and defo not eremika lol) and I want to understand the reasons

...but when I tried to answer it on my app, it turned out that I can only post 10 pictures per post, so I decided to make a longer, regular one with my thoughts on this topic 😄 Erehisu remains one of my favorite ships in the series (...with the other ones being Yumi/hisu and Levi/han), so I really enjoy talking about it (...well, at least I did, before I started moving away from the series after that mess of a finale). Without further ado, my reasons to ship Erehisu are under the cut (just a quick warning: the pictures are obviously not mine, and there are some anti-eremika themes in this post).

They had an actual developement

As we know: in the beginning, Historia was pretending to be this good, selfless girl Krista. Later on, we learn that Eren was not particularly fond of her façade (...keep in mind he was the only person who noticed that she was acting off, too - obviously excluding Ymir, who was Historia's closest person and knew about her secret). As Historia chooses to embrace her identity and stop pretending, his opinion on her changes - he reassures her and appreciates the real Historia.

You’re just normal. Just a normal girl who’s absurdly honest. (Eren, ch. 54)

Eren...that day...the time you called me...normal. That made me really...happy. (Historia, ch. 65)

Later on, after Historia saves Eren in the Reiss cave, his thoughts on her change even further. There isn't just something that he likes about her anymore - instead, he starts to actually admire her strength and actions.

(ch. 68)

(ch. 70)

Even further on, he prioritizes her safety and hides an important piece of information that could help Paradis' cause - only because it could potentially put Historia in harm's way.

(ch. 89)

(ch. 90)

(ch. 106)

Keep in mind that there was a time skip in between these chapters, which means Eren kept this secret for years. He hid it even from Armin and Mikasa. After it's finally revealed, he strongly disagrees with, and fights against Historia becoming a titan for the sake of the island. Eren’s sentiment towards Historia is even noticed by Hanji on a few different occasions - it’s something that Hanji brings up while questioning him, later on.

(ch. 107)

Eren also meets Historia in secret, warns her of danger, and downright doesn't let her sacrifice herself - even when she assures him that she's ready to do it. 

(ch. 130)

She's also one of the only people with whom he shares the information about the rumbling. He also brings up her own words that she said to him back in the Reiss cave.

(ch. 130)

I believe he doesn't fight for her just because she's one of his friends. It's a natural progression that comes from the shared experience they had in the Reiss cave. Eren got to know and appreciate the real Historia, so whenever she reverts back to the Krista persona, he's there to remind her that she should live for herself and don't let others use her - just like Ymir told her, and just like Historia told him in the Reiss cave. When Eren stands up for Historia in ch. 107 and blatantly refuses to let her get sacrificed, she's actually touched to the point of tearing up.

Their relationship changes and deepens with time, and it's actually shown in the manga - not just as symbols or small hints, but actual, full-fledged conversations/actions. In my opinion, this should be the base of any well-estabilished ship. We have quite a few one-on-one moments with these two that illustrate this progression. There are also panels in which we can peak into Eren's thoughts on Historia, which makes for an unfiltered source of his opinions on her.

They can relate to each other

Something I find really important as well is that Eren and Historia can find each other very relatable, and therefore - understand each other's struggles better.

Both were used by their fathers, and both caused their demise. Both were fiercely protected by someone. Both felt like the world would be better without them, at some point. Both had a big role to play, despite having doubts if they can do it right (Eren, being humanity's titan; Historia, being the queen). Both wanted to sacrifice themselves for their people's sake - and both intervened, saving each other from actually going through with this decision.

Their relationship is well-balanced

Eren and Historia don't clash when it comes to their personalities. As their relationship grows, they mutually admire, protect and motivate each other, while still remaining two separate characters - with their own goals and traits. They freely talk to each other about their struggles; they also care about each other’s actual feelings on them.

(ch. 54)

(ch. 70)

I can easily see them as partners, which is something I've always had troubles with when it comes to EM. It's just hard not to make this comparison, since Mikasa's character has always been pretty much fully centered around Eren, which - in my eyes - made their relationship look unbalanced and toxic. I've already spoke about my issues with EM in depth in this post, so I won't elongate this one with repeating the same arguments - still, one of the reasons I started shipping Erehisu in the first place is the fact that I immediately saw it as a much more normal, healthy, and well-balanced alternative to EM.

Parallels and relevance to the story’s themes

Parallels are something that, for some reason, make a lot of people mad. I have no idea why - these things appear in the manga, so why not talk about them?

Aside from parallels between Eren and Historia (...please, keep in mind that I didn’t list all of them in this post), there are also a lot of obvious parallels between Historia and the founder Ymir - to the point, when the entire Requiem der Morgenröte ending revolves around this theme:

I've also already spoke about how Ymir/Historia parallels could possibly be tied to Eren in this answer.

(Historia on the cover of vol. 16/Ymir in ch. 122)

Aside from that, there are a few subtle Grisha/Dina and Eren/Historia parallels, as well. Historia is a royal, hiding as a regular person - just like Dina did, before joining the revivalists. Dina also tears up when Grisha stands up for Eldians, just like Historia does when Eren stands up for her.

(ch. 68)

(ch. 86)

(ch. 67)

(ch. 86)

(ch. 56)

(ch. 86)

(ch. 107)

(ch. 86)

Quite interestingly, in a lot of these parallels Historia and Eren act in an opposite way as to previous generations. While Frida teaches Historia to be a good, selfless girl, Historia ends up abandoning this persona to save herself and Eren in the Reiss cave. She doesn’t want to devote herself to fate - instead, she’s prepared for a showdown with it. While the founder Ymir’s children are ordered to eat their own mother to ensure her power’s succession (...and a few hundred years later, Grisha fights to return the founder’s power back to his wife - Dina), Eren does everything he can to ensure Historia and her children are safe and never even titanised in the first place. 

As the story unfolds, we learn about it’s leading themes - some of which are: oppression and fighting for freedom, desire to change history, the mechanism of circle of hate, and how it affects children who are a part of it. In my eyes, Erehisu just perfectly fit with these themes, especially considering how later on Historia’s pregnancy was handled in the manga.

There were countless ways to answer the who’s the father question? immediately, without even starting up conversation about it - for example, I don’t understand why it was needed to bring up the fact that Historia didn’t marry the farmer in the first place. What was it’s purpose, aside from stirring up theories - especially considering how in the last chapter it’s revealed that they are married, after all? Why end up the Eren/Historia flashback on the What do you think about me having a child? question, when the whole conversation they had beforehand was literally about Eren disagreeing with Historia wanting to get pregnant just to save herself? It doesn’t make sense, and led me (and many other readers - judging from opinions I read online and chapter reactions on youtube) to belive that there were other reasons, and that there was more to this conversation then was initially shown.

If the conclusion to this plotline was always supposed to be that she got pregnant just to save herself...then what was this mysterious built-up for? Why show this conversation in the first place, and in such a weird manner, too? Why not have Historia just say it out loud in ch. 130: yes, I got pregnant to save myself in the beginning, and spare us this whole I will not allow it talk...you know, instead of ending the conversation on the What do you think about me having a child? when the whole previous talk was about Eren fighting against it? Where’s the logic?

The truth is - from my perspective, Erehisu had a lot of logical build up that would benefit the story, and stay true to it’s already established themes and both characters’ previous developement. On top of that, I also think they simply had great chemistry.

That’s all from me today 😄 I apologize you had to wait so long for this, anon...life got in the way, and as I said - I think I’m just getting over this series. Hope you’re doing well anyway 😊

[linkspooky]

what's your favorite currently serializing shounen jump manga and why? afaik you love jjk and mha, do you have one you like more out of those, or any other you like best?

My current favorite manga is Jujutsu Kaisen, because for me, nothing is as crazy or as interesting. If I had to give a reason why I would say that the whole manga is like a toybox where every single toy is fun to play with. I like all of the toys, the worldbuilding is a fun toy, the characters is a fun toy, the politics of the world is a fun toy, the way the power system works is a fun toy, and most fun of all is trying to piece it all together because Gege is cleary trying to use all of these parts to tell a story.

It's rare for me to be equally invested in the lore as I am the character development, but the way the characters use their powers is so well-explained and well integrated, trying to figure out how their powers work is just as fun as trying to figure out the insides of the characters head themselves, and it's also important to understand how cursed energy works, because the nature of cursed energy is a part of the world, and also the main antagonist's schemes revolve around using cursed energy to change the world.

Also, I think like it's two biggest influences Hunter x Hunter, and Bleach, Jujutsu Kaisen works really well as an ensemble piece. Let's just make up two categories on the spot, Spiderman is the story of one hero going through a character arc.

The focus on spiderman is the character arc of Peter Parker going on his journey through the world and also the people immediately around him. My Hero Academia is a spiderman type story, despite the enormous size o the cast, what drives the plot is actually the character arcs of a few characters, Deku, Bakugo, Uraraka, Shoto, and also their villainous foils Shigaraki, ????, Toga and Dabi + LOV. The characterization focuses on a few over the many. The second category of story is an X-Men type story, these are ensemble pieces. Ensemble pieces are focused on having a huge cast, and having the cast all work together. Bleach is an ensemble type story.

One big misnomer about bleach is that it doesn't use it's cast well, or that it's characters don't have any development. Incorrect. When Bleach is good, which is, not all the time, but it can be is when it's using its cast as a part of an ensemble. Ensemble piece characters usually have one or two character traits that can be summed up simply. Here let me talk about my favorite bleach character in one sentence, "Gin Ichimaru is shifty, sadistic and can't be trusted." That's all you really need to know about Gin his whole personality is three traits however, the way he's used in the story brings out so much more to him.

Gin Ichimaru is still that same character that only has three personality traits, but also despite being a loner who no one can trust he has a childhood friend who he loves sincerely to the point where he would spend years of his life trying to avenge her after she was violated by a man, however, because of this sadistic side of his personality he believes he is a monster and therefore cannot love her back and chooses revenge over love and trust. And dies for that choice. Gin isn't like a character that gets lots of focus and an arc, and yet there's a lot of rcomplexity wrung out of those three character traits.

And I bring us back tot Jujtsu Kaisen, what I believe the strength of JJK as a manga is that it's able to express really complicated characters with not a lot of screen time because it is constantly bouncing between those characters. It's not a hardcore character development manga because that's not the focus, the world isn't about Yuji's journey because he's not the protagonist of reality like Deku, but a cog in a much bigger game.

That is also why, my favorite four characters are Geto, Gojo, Yuta, and Mahito, three of those are dead or otherwise incapacitated and yet I can keep reading even when they are not onscreen because even if it's not a favorite character of mine, all of the other characters still work. They are interesting enough that I don't feel like giving them screentime wastes my time. Yuji isn't even my main point of investment in the series but I find him interesting enough as a protagonist that I can talk about him endlessly.

So in summary, Jujutsu Kaisen is my current favorite shonen manga because it's the most fun to play with, taking apart and putting back together in my head because there are no characters I find boring, and there are no aspects of the worldbuilding I find boring. I think also what makes me prefer it to My Hero Academia is that while I think MHA does individual character arcs better as a spiderman story, it also doesn't play to those strengths.

IF MHA is trying to be an ensemble piece like X Men none of the other characters besides the main ones are interesting or compelling, or even clear about what their characterizations are to carry the story. So focusing on them is wasted time. if MHA wants to do a spiderman story, it has to buckle down and focus on developing the characters that have arcs, and once again we're not getting that either. We just wasted like a 20ish chapter arc, that barely moved any of the characters forward because it was a whole lot of Deku wandering around. If the focus is on spiderman level character development, then, we should get inside these characters heads and develop them, like we have for the league.

So while I love MHA I believe the interesting parts of the story are, out of focus, where as as an ensemble piece Jujutsu Kaisen focuses on everything at once and you get to bounce around like a pinball between the fun stuff. While it is a mess and chaotic, there are no parts of the story I think is boring, and ultimately that's what is most important because I'm just here to play with the fun toys.

[geodetojoy]

aaaaand intermission!!!!

alright @royallygray heres my first act review :D

i mean ive obviously already said a lot of my thoughts above *looks at the 40+ note count* hahaaa

no but i love it so far

like i said ive seen it before but because my mom loved it so much i kinda just refused to like it bc of that but BOY was i missing out

ok characters first (im not gonna do all of them, just some of the main ones):

JACK my boy i will always stand behind you. he cares so much about his family (the newsies are a family to me idc) and his future and everything he does revolves around them and hes such a strong leader he fights so hard for what he believes in AND HES ONLY 17???? give my boy a BREAK GEEZ

no i love him so much he absolutely deserves to find some respite in his life hes too good for this world <3333

CRUTCHIEEEEE he might be my fav. between him, Les, and Katherine i think

absolute sunshine character i knew as soon as i heard him talk that he would NOT come out unscathed

i think my favorite thing is that, yeah, the newsies technically treat him differently bc of his leg, but they dont see him as less in any way. its just something about him that makes him unique and hey if they can use it to make more money, then it almost makes it worth it /hj

dont get me wrong im not a fan of them calling him *that word* but i think its absolutely meant in a loving way and he doesnt seem bothered by it at all unless its someone else saying it to him to be offensive

anyway he deserves the world he better make it out alive ill kill someone if he doesnt /j

lesssss the boyyyy

first of all hes absolutely adorable and hes such a smartass /pos he knows EXACTLY what hes doing 100% of the time

hes such a strong kid even though he actually has parents and people to take care of him and he likely wasnt forced to be so protective and cunning due to his situation but the fact that he still is makes me love him more. but i think his age here plays a big part bc yeah hes ignorant to a lot of stuff but hes young enough to be willing to understand and support people who arent entirely like him (thinking about how kids arent born into hatred and they only learn it if theyre surrounded by it for years upon years - like how so many young kids of bigoted parents are actually really accepting bc they havent had the years of indoctrination yet)

not to say i think his parents are bad people - i mean davey turned out great! i actually like to think that his parents are really kind! they might not fully understand the situations of people like the newsies, hence les's initial ignorance, but i dont think theyre very hateful people they just might be more focused on living their own lives and dont think about much else

Next up of course is davey!! like i said i was skeptical of him at first just bc he seemed really closed off and didnt want anything to do with jack and all of them and i was afraid that was out of hatred, but now i really love him

the entirety of the plot would go to absolute shit if it werent for his knowledge and experience that he gained from his parents, and i really appreciate the growth of everyone, both the newsies and him, to accept one another despite the jealousy of the newsies and the fear and lack of understanding from davey

i dont think hes a favorite of mine, but i do really love him!!

KATHERINE my queen she is so me actually. Writers block is a killer girl i so get you

lmaooo no i think shes SUCH a complex character and i cant wait to get to know her more in the second act

we love a strong, independent women who follows her own dreams and aspirations despite the struggles. shes stepping up from the smaller sections of the newspaper (my brain is coming up with a blank what the fuck are they called) to whole articles because she believes in herself!!! she wants to make a name for herself by doing something big bc she knows she can!!! absolute queen i adore her

and yeah royal like you said her and jack's relationship as of now is a bit uncomfy but im not gonna make any full judgement calls until later bc theyve only interacted a few times lmao but i do think he actually cares about her and isnt just thinking with his dick

(btw what i meant about the "girls are nice" line is that it makes it seem like hes not actually attracted to women lmaoo i know what he meant but it sounds silly ooc)

AND THE RELATIONSHIPS BETWEEN PEOPLE GAHHH

like i said the newsies are a family to me. all brothers. they love each other so much because theyre all they have. theyd trade the world for each other. i love them

ive already talked about the newsies and les and davey with the two having parents but its just so lovely. theyre such good people. they might not fully understand their situation, but they care so much anyway

LES AND JACK AAAAAAA omg the sillies ever actually. the two smartasses. i adore them <33

What i love most about this show is just how many historical social issues its able to address. Fucked up corporations that led to the invention of unions, sexism in careers, the conditions of the working class, child labor in general, all of it. its SO important to talk about and i think this musical does an incredible job at addressing it and making it known just how bad these things are so to not let them happen ever again

just like. fuck capitalism bro.

and dude the stage design and choreo are absolutely STUNNING.

i really wanted (and still kinda to tbh) to go into technical theater because i lovelovelove the behind the scenes stuff when it comes to musicals and such and this is NOT helping /pos

anyway ive been rambling long enough onto act 2 :DDDDD

Alright

@royallygray im starting newsies now hehehe

i figured id just make a thread for my thoughts if you (or anyone) wanted to read thru

[penny-anna]

you're so vain (you probably think this song is about you)

"I write songs about all sorts of people, you know, people I know very well and people I know very little. Beautiful women, beautiful men, beautiful sunsets – on one occasion an especially beautiful horse. So say, purely for the sake of argument, I had written a song about you – which I have not, and would not – it would indicate only an appreciation for your physique, which is objectively very pleasing to the eye, and would certainly not indicate any feelings for you.”

(on ao3!)

The tavern was thick with smoke and the mingling scents of ale and sweat. She picked her way across the sticky floor towards the bar, avoiding the patches of sawdust, and said, “Jaskier.”

He was leaning against the bar, dressed in a rather startling purple that did not become him, and she took no small amount of satisfaction at the ripple of tension that went through him at the mere sound of her voice. “Ah,” he said, whirling around to face her. “Yennefer. A delight as always. What brings you here?”

“None of your business,” she said.

“Reasonable,” he said, and sniffed. “I don’t actually care. When did you get here, by the by? Did you just arrive or –”

“I watched your whole performance,” she said.

“Fuck,” he said, and winced. “I mean. Not that it matters. I don’t care.” He waved his hand airily. “Nothing to me at all. I don’t care what you do,” he concluded, turning back to the bar. “Another, please.”

“Anything for your ladyfriend?” said the barmaid.

“My –” Jaskier glanced at Yennefer, standing conspicuously beside him. “Oh, you mean this ghastly witch? She’s not with me.” The barmaid shrugged and went to fetch his wine.

Yennefer waited till his drink arrived and as he peaceably sipped it said, “I liked your set.”

“No, you didn’t,” he said. “Did you want something?”

“I wanted to pass on my compliments,” she said. “It was very good. I especially liked the one about me.”

Jaskier choked on his wine. “I can’t imagine what you’re talking about,” he said. “I’ve never written or performed a song about you in my life. Honestly.”

“Oh, really?” she said. “It sounded as if it was about me.”

“Might I ask,” he said, “which of my songs you falsely interpreted as being about yourself?”

“She of the raven hair?” she said.

“Now, really, Yennefer,” he said. “Strange as it may seem to one so self-evidently conceited as yourself, the world does not in fact revolve around you. That song is about a completely different raven-haired lady.”

“With violet eyes?”

“Do you think your colouring unique across the entire continent?” he said. “Yes. It’s about an entirely different raven-haired lady with purple eyes – and a much more agreeable personality, I might add.”

“I see,” said Yennefer. “My apologies, then. What’s her name?”

“Claudia,” said Jaskier.

“When did you meet her?”

“Our love blossomed in the spring of last year,” said Jaskier. “A remarkable woman. Graceful. Charming. Excellent dancer. I treasured our time together.”

“She sounds like wonderful company,” said Yennefer. “I’d love to meet her. Maybe you could introduce us.”

“Absolutely not.” There was a delicious hint of panic in his eyes. “Out of the question. No. Impossible, in fact.”

“Impossible?”

“She’s dead,” said Jaskier. “Yes. She died.”

“Really?” said Yennefer, drawing the word out. “My condolences. You don’t seem very cut up about it.”

“Well, time heals all wounds and I only knew her a few weeks,” said Jaskier. “A few days, in fact. We weren’t close. I write songs about all sorts of people, you know, people I know very well and people I know very little. Beautiful women, beautiful men, beautiful sunsets – on one occasion an especially beautiful horse,” he went on. “So say, purely for the sake of argument, I had written a song about you – which I have not, and would not – it would indicate only an appreciation for your physique, which is objectively very pleasing to the eye, and would certainly not indicate any feelings for you.”

“Feelings?” Yennefer echoed. “I never supposed anything of the sort. Who said anything about feelings?”

“Nobody at all,” said Jaskier. “Certainly not me.”

“Yes, you did,” said Yennefer.

“When?” said Jaskier, who was really squirming now.

“Mere moments ago.”

Jaskier scoffed. “You’re imagining things.”

“You did, though,” said the barmaid. “You said it just now.”

Jaskier fixed her with a stare. “I’m sorry, is this any of your business?”

“That depends,” she said.

“On what?”

“Are you going to settle your tab for the night?”

Jaskier glowered. She stared unflinchingly back.

“Anyhow,” he said, fetching his purse. “My point still stands. It wouldn’t indicate anything about any feelings for your person. And it’s moot, because as I said, that song is about my dearly departs lover Claudette.”

“Claudia.”

“What?”

“You said Claudia just now.”

“She went by both,” said Jaskier without skipping a beat.

“I see,” said Yennefer. “Where was she from?”

“I don’t know,” said Jaskier. “Toussaint. Fuck off.” He drained his cup and slammed it down on the bar. “I’m retiring for the evening,” he said to the barmaid. “If anyone asks tell them I’m dead to the world.”

He stormed off in the direction of the stairs.

“I especially liked the verse about my eyes,” said Yennefer. “It had so many synonyms for purple.”

“Once again,” said Jaskier, “not about you. Not your eyes. Stop trying to steal my poor dead lover’s eyes. And stop following me!”

“I’m not following you,” said Yennefer, following him. “I’m merely walking in the same direction. I have a room upstairs.”

Reaching the stairs, Jaskier pivoted to face her. “Oh, really?”

“Yes,” she said. “I’m going to bed. Is that so strange?”

“It’s just that I assumed that a creature of the night such as yourself never sleeps,” he said. “And at any rate, I know for a fact that all the rooms are booked. Go and find a different inn. This one’s mine.”

“Can I offer you some constructive criticism?”

“Absolutely not.”

“Chartreuse doesn’t mean purple,” she offered, “and if I hear you perform that verse about my breasts in public again I shall take your balls off.”

“How many times do I have to say that they are not your breasts?” He clasped his hands together in supplication. “Will you please leave me alone?”

“Absolutely not,” she said. “This is the best thing that’s happened to me all week.”

“What a sad life you must live,” he said. “I pity you. Now go away.”

“If you insist,” she said. “I was going to ask if you’d be interested in some new material.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” he said.

“Never mind,” she said, turning to go. “I know where I’m not wanted.”

He caught her arm. “No, um, really,” he said, suddenly altogether more earnest. “What does that mean?”

Yennefer smiled at him serenely. “Why don’t we talk about this upstairs?”

*

“I’d like you to know,” he said afterwards muffled by the pillow, “that this did

not

constitute an admission that the song’s about you. Because it isn’t.”

“Naturally.” Yennefer skated her nails down the bare skin of his upper arm. He was quite cute, now that she’d got him out of that hideous doublet. “I shall expect my song presently, then.”

Jaskier blinked. He raised his head from the pillow. “What?”

“I’m given to understand that you write songs for anyone you’ve so much as kissed,” she said. “If I’m to believe that She of the raven hair is truly about Claudia or Claudette than I demand you write one that’s actually about me.”

He squinted at her. “What.”

“You can perform it tomorrow night,” she said. “I can’t wait to hear it. It better be good, considering we went three whole rounds.”

He propped himself up on an elbow and glowered, or tried to. It came off as more of a pout. “You’re despicable. Fine. Fine! I admit it. The damn song’s about you.”

“No – no,” she said. “You won’t get out of this that easily. You already said that it’s about Claudette or Claudia. I’m not willing to share with her, even if she is dead.”

“I made her up,” said Jaskier.

“Callous lies,” said Yennefer. “What an awful thing to say about your dead lover.”

“For fuck’s sake.”

“I shall expect you to come up with some all-new synonyms for purple.”

He buried his face in the pillow. “Fuck off.”

“Make sure to include a verse or two about how good I was in bed.”

“Go to hell, Yennefer,” he said into the pillow.