#actually last time i felt this was was also ant a character very very desperate to get home to his wife and child

[caruliaa]

iv since then had varying degrees of attachment to male characters for daddy issue related reasons but i havent had a moment of hearing a male characters line of dialogue to their child and not just going oh i wish i was in their place but instant thought of be my dad in the back of my mind since i was like. 13 . so this is embarassing for me .

[sunnybeewriting]

peachy keen.

Hi guys! So I'm pretty new to writing and this is actually the biggest thing I’ve ever written. I watched The Way of Water when it came out and took an immediate interest in this guy, partially because I thought his character has a lot of potential, and partially because I also thought that he was really hot.

So I decided to set up a series of little works. This one is just sort of a beginning to the Reader’s character and Quaritch, and I do plan on writing more about them in the future with this fic as their base. Maybe do some AU’s, maybe just continue the story from here, maybe lead into the movie, who knows!

That all said, I really, really hope you like it! If you do, please give it a like or a comment!

WORDS: 15,000

WARNINGS: Adult themes and language

peachy keen. Part Two.

Jesus fucking Christ.

Your body jerks to a stop just before you can fully trip over your shoelace and faceplant onto the floor. Unfortunately, the leftover food on your plate could not say the same, jostled just enough that it went flying from your hands and onto the tiled floor of the mess hall.

You lean down quickly to clean it up, scooping the food with your fingers and back onto the plate as best you can. You succeed only halfway, goop just smearing across the floor and onto your hand.

You stare at the mess you made, ears and cheeks burning as you hear snickers of cruel amusement coming from some military meatheads a few feet behind you.

You jump up quickly, making sure to avoid your shoelace so you don’t trip on it again and embarrass yourself any further. You hurry to the counter holding the utensils, mugs, and paper towels, tugging several brown napkins out of the dispenser sitting on top. You take a deep breath to calm yourself.

Kneeling down so soon after sleeping for six years in a cyropod made the muscles in your legs and shoulders ache, but you do it anyways. You wipe up the mess as best you can, piling the dirty napkins onto the plate and dumping it all into a nearby trashcan. You wish the ground would swallow you up.

You aren’t usually so embarrassed by such a small mistake, but it had been a rough past couple of days for you. You had landed at Bridgehead City just a few days ago, and you had felt immediately overwhelmed by the extreme size of the fortress.

It took the RDA fifteen years to return to Pandora, but when they did, they made sure to put in roots. Bridgehead City was an enormous structure, constantly building upon itself and hosting thousands of military combatants, engineers, skel suits, construction robots, anything that was thought of to build and maintain humanity’s last stronghold. Every person of every imagined career was here, working as one like bees and ants had once done for their queens a hundred years ago, before they had both gone extinct. 

Bridgehead was terrifying to look at for the first time, seeing in person exactly how far humanity was willing to go to force itself onto another planet. You had noticed that it almost looked like a parasite, contrasting in color and material against the lively, glowing rainforest that surrounded it just past the barren land of the Kill Zone.

The wave of information that hit you the moment you stepped off the ship was almost enough to make your excitement to be on Pandora wither and die, but you held onto it with shaky, desperate hands.

Luckily for you, it wasn’t long before your enthusiasm bounced back and you met your new colleagues. Most of them had been just as nervous as you, clearly uncertain and overwhelmed. Knowing you weren’t alone made you relax just slightly. They were scientists hand-picked by the RDA as test subjects for re-opening the Avatar program, just like you.

None of you were really sure why the program had been stopped in the first place. The RDA was very quiet about what had happened all those years ago, when most of their military and scientists had been sent fleeing from Pandora with nothing but the clothes on their backs and tails between their legs. They refused to issue many statements, insisting that a minor misunderstanding had occurred with the ‘natives’ of the planet, and they’d be back soon enough to continue their mission.

The RDA had stated that the main reason for discounting the Avatar program was because the cost outweighed any benefit. The only reason they were allowing a few lucky souls to come to Pandora as Avatars was simply as a favor to the scientific community, and as a test to see if the Avatar program should be reinstated. Now the main purpose behind the program is to see if it’s worth it for people to be able to travel around Pandora without having to worry about the environmental protection systems, than a way to make peace with the Na’vi.

Most of the scientists in the base were only allowed restricted access to information regarding the past and current situation with the Na’vi, only knowing that The People were no longer accepting of humans on their planet and that the military is now on constant high alert. Most of the remaining records were classified to you, although you did try to learn as much as you could about what was happening on Pandora. Unfortunately, the RDA was very strict with that information, and you never found anything that mentioned the Na’vi or what happened fifteen years ago.  

The ten members of the new Avatar program had been divided into two parts of five, just to make the introductions and sessions easier. You had met your three new acquaintances, eager to make some friends. They had introduced themselves; Emma, a small, shy woman who preferred observing rather than participating; James, a sweet, handsome young man; and David, an older man in his late fifties who seemed a bit too haughty for his own good.

Your group was shown to your individual rooms over on the west side of Bridgehead, far away from the landing pads and ships you had arrived on. Your new room was small and gray with concrete walls and a thin layering of carpet covering the cold floors. You had a small desk that sat underneath a suction-locked window that let you glimpse into an enclosure full of construction robots, but at least the light it let in was nice. There was a simple cot in the corner and a mirror as the only piece of décor on the walls, but it was yours, a place you could call your own.

You had grinned tiredly and fallen face down on your bed without bothering to take off your shoes. You slept for fourteen hours, and when you awoke you felt as though you were rising from the dead, hair wild and mouth fuzzy. After you brushed your teeth, showered, got dressed in clean clothes, and ate food for the first time in six years, you felt like a brand-new person.

And here you are now, in the mess hall, already making a fool of yourself on your second week.

You quickly rush back to your table and plop your behind into the seat you had vacated to throw away your plate, sitting across from Emma and David. Emma is poking at her food, face pale and gloomy. David is almost done with his own dinner, glasses perched on his nose as he reads from a holotablet.

Geesh. These guys certainly weren’t known for being the life of the party back home.

Maybe they just need some more time to adjust? I know I certainly fucking do.

You take a moment to bend down and tie your shoelace, double knotting it, not wanting to cause any more scenes.

When you sit back up in your chair and make eye contact with Emma, your lopsided, embarrassed smile falls from your face when she simply stares back at you, clearly uneasy for some reason you can’t name.

“Jesus, you’re so fucking clumsy. And why the fuck does it look like you’re all attending a funeral over here?” The voice that chimes up behind you lifts your mood exponentially, and you turn around in your seat to greet the approaching form of the last member of your group and your best friend with a happy grin.

You had met Margot a few months before your trip to Pandora when you both attended a required conference that would discuss certain parts of living in Bridgehead. The second you struck up a conversation with her, it was like meeting your long-lost sister. You had instantly clicked, getting on like a house on fire and scarcely spending a day away from each other.

James arrives at the table with her, holding his own plate. He gives you a comforting look, clearly sympathetic to your embarrassment.

“Hey Margot, James! You saw that, huh?” you ask sheepishly, shoulders raising to your ears as you feel a hot flash of mortification all over again.

“Uh, yeah, honey, I saw. I’m pretty sure half the cafeteria watched you nearly eat shit. You need to learn to tie your shoes better, babe.” Margot’s voice is just as loud as ever, and her bright blonde hair and tall figure aren’t exactly subtle, either.

She was the type of person to grab someone’s attention and refuse to let it go, manicured nails digging in deep. Well, her nails used to be manicured. Now they were just as plain as everyone else’s.

She takes a seat in the empty chair next to you, setting her own plate down with a clatter. She untucks her cheap silverware from the napkin and digs into her dinner, eating hurriedly like someone is about to snatch the plate away from her. You had once asked her why she never slowed down to enjoy her food, and she said that with eight siblings if you wanted any food, you needed to eat it like an animal.  

James takes the other empty seat next to you, patting your shoulder twice before saying, “It’s okay, I don’t think that many people saw.”

You smile weakly at his attempt to make you feel better. It doesn’t help much, but you appreciate the thought, “Thanks, James.”

He nods and moves his attention to his plate.

Your table is silent for a few moments, everyone lost in their own thoughts and tasks.

You break the silence when you nervously ask, “So. Anybody else freaking out at the thought of linking up for the first time or is it just me?”

David looks up, paying attention to your words for the first time since you met him. “Well, I’m not nervous because I did all the pre-linking sessions and training years ago.” His nose is practically raised in the air.

You stare at him.

What a fucking douchebag. Who answers a question like that?

“That’s nice. What about you, Emma, are you nervous or excited? How are you feeling?” you ask gingerly, wanting to include her in the conversation. It would be nice to have another friend so that the next few years weren’t miserable.

Emma stares at you blankly, and then whispers a simple, “No.”

You lean back in your seat and deflate. “Oh.”

Fuck it, I tried.

Margot, the smug bitch, is watching you drown in social awkwardness as she happily munches away. You give her a look and a shrug, and she rolls her eyes before placing her fork down on the table. She dabs the corner of her mouth with her napkin, and then says to Emma, “Girl, I absolutely love that bracelet you’re wearing. Where did you get it?”

To your surprise, Emma perks up in her seat, right hand grazing the bracelet she wore on her left wrist. Her face softens, and she says, “It was my mom’s, actually.”

“Oh, that’s so sweet. Right?” Margot jabs her sharp elbow into your side, and you hiss but nod hurriedly.

“Yes, that is so sweet! I wear my mom’s wedding ring, actually.” You rub said ring with your hand. Your mood drops a little bit at the mention of your mother, but you shake your head to get back on track. “Makes me feel closer to her, I suppose.”

A small smile pulls on Emma’s cheeks, and she looks down, still rubbing the bracelet. “Yeah.”

You look at her, reconsidering your thoughts about her personality. 

Maybe it just takes a little time to connect, that’s all.

You fiddle with the small, emerald cut ring that you were on the ring finger of your right hand. It had been a piece of jewelry your mother had worn faithfully until the day she died.

When you were a child, around ten or eleven years old, you had asked her why your dad had chosen that specific ring to represent their marriage, out of the hundreds of others he could have.

She was still sick at the time, spending most of her days laying in a hospital bed while nurses bustled in and out. She had lost so much weight that her cheeks were gaunt, and her face and hands were so white they were almost transparent, pale blue veins clear through the skin.

Her lips were pale and chapped, and the dark circles around her eyes were deeply imprinted in her skin like bruises. She looked like a ghost, a fragile, terrifying imitation of the woman who had raised you, a woman who you had thought put the stars themselves into the sky. She was weak, and even before she passed away it was like she was already dead.  

She had gripped your hand as tightly as she could when you had asked that question, sweaty palm squeezing yours to the point of pain in a rare show of strength. She was usually so weak the nurses and you had to feed her by hand as she could barely lift up her arms. She looked you in the eye and pulled you close until your face was right next to hers.

In the croak that had now become her voice, she whispered, “I had asked the same question, years after he had proposed. I asked, ‘Jonathon, why this ring? Why this cut, why this color?’. And he had gripped me tightly and pulled me close and said, ‘Well, my love, it’s the breathtaking green color of your eyes. Your eyes and the ring match exactly, you see. And every time you look at it, you will see yourself the way I see you. Beautiful and bright.’

Tears had filled her glazed eyes, and she whispered to you, “No matter what, when you find the one you love, never let them go. Cherish every single second you have with them, never take them for granted, and make sure that they love you for everything that you are, the good and the bad. It is the purpose of our life. Love. Without it, we are nothing.” Against the tears and the agony that claimed her face and voice, your mother smiled for the first time in years.

Your father had passed away while your mother was still pregnant, killed in an easily avoidable accident. No matter how much your mother loved you before she had gotten sick, no matter how much joy you brought to her life, there was always a deep sorrow and grief inside her that consumed her soul every day.

She never got over your father, never dated or remarried or showed the barest hint of interest in anyone else. When asked why, she said that she had already had the love of her life, and there was no one who could ever compare to even the lingering ghost of your father that seemed to haunt her.

And when the sickness truly hit and reduced her to almost nothing, her anger and bitterness twisted her mind and her love for you into something cruel and abhorrent. 

Even years later you kept her whispered words locked away into the very muscles of your heart. Even though your mother had been sick and weak when she told you these things, it was one of your few beloved moments with her. It had shown you who your mother really was, past all the sickness and malice, who she really was deep in her soul. That she had once loved and been loved.

And now you wear her wedding ring as a reminder of your parent’s love for each other, and how regardless of your mother’s cruelty toward you during the last years of her life, your love for her would never fade.

You’re jerked out of your melancholy thoughts when Margot burps loudly and thumps a fist against her chest.

“Jesus Christ, Margot. Where the fuck did you learn your manners from?” James asks, recoiling in disgust.

“Sorry, sorry. I’m almost done, then we can go check out the linking center.”

You nod eagerly, so overwhelmed with anticipation and delight that your fingers tremor just slightly.

You are so ready to meet your Avatar and link up for the first time, but the thought of anything going wrong makes you restless. You wish you could just get it over with so you could stop agonizing over it.

Margot finally finishes her food and stands up to dump her plate. James does the same, and then all five of you are off, walking down a long hallway with lots of twists and turns. The fluorescent  lights shine brightly on the ceiling, and you can hear the distant sounds of never-ending construction.

Even with all five of you working together to get to your destination, the new buildings are too much for your group and you get lost in the labyrinth of hallways. James even has to ask a nearby custodian for directions once or twice. When you turn a corner, you spot a bathroom sign, and suddenly you have business to take care of. You pat Margot’s arm and point in that direction.

“Hey, guys, I’m going to head to the bathroom real quick. I’ll meet you there, okay?”

The rest of the group nods, but Margot decides to go with you. You do your business and you’re washing your hands in the sink when Margot makes eye contact with you through the mirror as she washes her own hands.

“I won’t lie, honey, I’m feeling pretty nervous about linking up as well. I know we’ve been through training simulations and have studied and practiced for years, but this is going to be different.” Her face and voice are uncharacteristically serious, and her hands shake just slightly as she pulls a towel out of the dispenser to dry her hands.

You feel a flash of sympathy for your friend, stopping your own drying. You walk around to her and put your hands on her shoulders, leaning your face close to hers.

“It’ll be okay, Margot, we’ve both got this. We just need to do it, and then it’ll be as easy as breathing before we know it, okay?”

Margot nods and takes a deep breath, looking down for a moment. When she looks up she’s much calmer, and her usual peppy attitude is back and shining.

“Thanks, sugar.”

You nod understandingly, releasing her shoulders and knocking her hip with yours as you walk toward the bathroom door. You both step outside into the hallway and continue your way.

“Of course. And besides, I’m just so ready to finally see her, you know? We’ve seen pictures and videos, but actually being there in real life is going to feel so surreal. The Na’vi are just stunning to me. Ooh, I almost forgot!”

You stop walking as you talk, scientist-brain taking over. Margot moves to stand in front of you, crossing her arms over her chest with an amused expression. This was far from the first time you had gone on a tangent.

“I saw someone from the recombinant unit when I was walking around yesterday, and he was fucking huge!”

You’re so busy trying to organize your thought flow into something sensible that you completely miss the approaching footsteps coming from behind you, and the way Margot looks over your shoulder and turns white.

You continue on, oblivious.

“He must have been pretty high ranking because the people with him followed him around like little ducklings. And the blue pigment of his skin was so beautiful. The color contrast of his eyes versus his skin kind of reminded me of a Primula ‘Zebra Blue’, you know, that blue and golden flower that went extinct like a hundred years ago? It was just amazing to finally see in person, and I-”

“Well, aren’t you just a peach?”

The deep voice that comes from behind you nearly makes you jump out of your skin. You whirl around, expecting to come face to face with whomever just spoke. Instead, you come eye level with the belt buckle and zipper of a pair of navy green camo military pants.

Your heart drops to your shoes.

You tilt your head up, up, up, until it’s practically craning backward. The uncomfortable position hurts, but that’s the least of your problems.

Your biggest problem, literally and figuratively, is the cold eyes and carefully amused face of the man you were just talking about.

You open your mouth to speak but words refuse to leave.

Why does this shit always happen to me?

You clamp your mouth shut when no words appear and swallow nervously, and the man notices your tense expression.

He smirks down at you, almost sneering. From the way he towers over you closely, unconcerned with personal space, it’s clear that this man likes to have people’s attention on him, takes pleasure in scaring people with his massive height and muscles.

And his intimidation tactics completely work on you, that’s for sure.

Jesus, look at his hands. He could cover my entire face and upper torso with just one of them!

You want to put as much distance between this frightening man and yourself as possible. But there’s a little voice in the back of your head, a stupid, too-curious little voice, that want you to examine him all the way from the finger pads and palm lines of his hands to the tip of his tail.

He was terrifying, yes, but you are also stunned by the wonderful science and technology that made up his body.

Of course, you’d seen holographs and pictures of Avatars and the Na’vi people, but they could never hold a candle to the real thing.

The navy green tank top, tattoo, and dog tags were all familiar things, but his height and the bright, smooth blue color of his skin were brand-new to you, something you wanted to take a closer look at. His hair was shaved closer to his skull than any other you’d seen, Avatar and Na’vi alike.

His bright yellow eyes sear into yours, and it feels like he is trying to see into your fucking soul.

Your heart rate skyrockets, mortified and thrilled and fearful all at once. The pile of extreme emotions twists your stomach, making you queasy.

Do not fucking puke on his shoes.

The man takes a step back to make room for his massive arm before he lifts it up, clearly holding his hand between you for a handshake. It almost seems as though he is testing your nerve; you wonder how many people had chosen not to shake his hand, too frightened.

“The name’s Colonel Quaritch, pleasure to meet you. What’s your name.” It’s a demand more than a question.  

You look up at his face again before quickly wiping your hands on your lab coat to get rid of any sweat. You grab onto his hand as best as you can with your own, and holy shit.

His hand engulfs your own minuscule one and part of your forearm, his fingers reaching almost all the way to your elbow. And the skin of his hand is surprisingly soft; he doesn’t have as many calluses as you thought a marine would, but that might be because his Avatar body is fairly new. You tell him your name, and say,

“Uh, sorry, sir! I’m a xenobotanist from the science division, I got here about two weeks ago!” Your voice is squeaky and louder than you want it to be, making you cringe. You barely remember to shake his hand as you speak other than simply hold it in your own.

He continues to stare at you, wicked smile only growing when you say you’re a scientist.

“Ah, you tree-huggers are officially back, then. Part of the ‘newly instated Avatar program’, right?”

“Uh, y-yes, sir. That’s us.” You laugh weakly.

He barely twitches the fingers of the hand still holding your own, but the strength that comes from them is enough to make his grip almost painful.

“Hmmm. Well, I’m real curious to see how long you and your friend last before Pandora eats you alive. Just as a friendly warnin’, you should be real careful about what you say and who you say it about ‘round here. Guess I’ll be seein’ you. Peach.”

Your knees weaken and you nod hurriedly.

He finally releases your hand, gives you one last cold, golden look, and continues on his way. His bare arm brushes your shoulder as he passes you, and it’s enough to make you shiver.

He’s gone in just a few seconds, but you stay rooted in your spot, staring at the floor. You’re wondering if he’s going to come back and shank you with the wicked knife you’d seen strapped to his thigh when a hand gently presses against your shoulder.

You leap into the air for the second time that day, hand slamming into your chest and breath coming out in a gasp as you realize it’s just Margot. You’d completely forgotten she was even there, too consumed with the encompassing presence of Colonel Quaritch.

You look at her, eyes wide and mouth gaping. Margot returns your stunned look, face paler than you’ve ever seen it before.

“Holy. Fucking. Shit. You have the worst luck out of anyone I’ve ever met in my entire life. What the fuck just happened?”

You gulp. “I’m pretty sure that a terrifying man who wouldn’t hesitate to gut me overheard me practically gushing about him?”

She nods. “Yeah, that’s what I thought.”

You stand there, practically swaying on your feet. “Oh my god, he fucking hates me! Did you see the look on his face? Oh my god, why is this happening? I’m never going to able to leave my room again!”

You bury your face into your hands, suddenly exhausted. First the mess hall, now this? Why couldn’t you just not embarrass yourself for once?

Margot pats your shoulder as you groan. “There, there. It’s alright, all you have to do is avoid him for the rest of your life. If you don’t, I’m pretty sure the next time you see him he’ll either just ignore you or kill you for saying all that stuff about him, and then you won’t have to worry about it anymore!”

“But I didn’t even mean it in a bad way! I was just describing him, the same way I do with all unknown subjects.”

Margot winces. “Uh, yeah, I would definitely not tell him that.”

------

You feel like whining as you finally continue walking to the linking center. After all that, the excitement you had felt at meeting your Avatar had almost completely disappeared. Now, the only thing you wanted to do was crawl back to your room and hide underneath your blankets forever.

But Margot pulls on your hand and ignores your childish wishes. When you arrive, she practically has to push you into the room.

And then every single thing, all of your hard work, the training, the learning, even the awkwardness of that day, was suddenly all worth it when you saw her for the first time.

She was curled up in the tank, cords attached to her body and eyes moving behind her closed lids. She floated gently around in the liquid that surrounded her, sometimes twitching a limb as she slept on.

You approach the tank, mind blank and mouth dry. As you get closer, you can see the details of her face, your face, just shifted into the feline-like features of a Na’vi.

She stole the breath straight from your lungs.

And that was how you spent the next few weeks, gazing at her slash yourself. Eventually, the time came for the first linkup, and everything went well, just like you had told Margot.

You spent the next month linking into your Avatar and wandering around the facilities, checking your reflexes and consuming everything Pandora had to offer while still in the confined space of Bridgehead City.

The disorientation from linking was enough to make you lay in a cot for an half an hour each time, too dizzy to move much. It’s such a bizarre feeling, suddenly being so much taller than everything else, and you are so much stronger than you are as a human.

It took a long time to remember your strength, and you accidentally put dents into a metal door handle when you grabbed it, squeezing it much harder than you meant to. The tiny little humans helping you gave you a pretty wide berth after that, only approaching when necessary.

You practiced using your new body, walking around without sitting on your long-haired queue or stepping on your new tail, which flailed around with a mind of its own. You liked to press your tongue to your sharp canines and look at the swaying tendrils attached to your hair.

It was an exhausting, thrilling process, and you loved every second of it.

None of the new Avatars had yet to actually leave Bridgehead and go into the forest yet. It would probably take a few more weeks for that to happen, and even then, you would probably only be allowed into the tree line past the Kill Zone.

Still, you eagerly look forward to that day, barely able to contain yourself in your excitement. It’s all you can think of day and night, and even in your dreams. On that day, you would be accomplishing so much more than a lifelong goal.  

Now, your group is relaxing in one of the lounges used for breaks, discussing your experience with linking and Pandora. It was something you’d been talking about for the past few hours, the past few weeks, really. It wasn’t like any of you had very much in common with each other, other than your careers and education, but you were trying to dig a little deeper to learn more about these people.

The only problem was they were more antisocial than not, which was almost to be expected by a bunch of scientists. They were also hesitant to speak much about their past. You were the same way. They probably wouldn’t be here if they had a very pleasant past filled with lots of people they wanted to stay with back home.

You eat the small bag of crackers you’d snagged from one of the vending machines lining the gray walls of the room, hoping that the tiny treat will hold you until your next meal. The chair you are leaning back in creaks dangerously and wobbles, but you hold your precarious position, feet pulled up and crossed on the table in front of you.

Your mind wanders as the chatter of the group drifts in and out of your ears. You think of nothing in particular, dazing out of focus, simply relaxing for once.

That peace is shattered when James leaps from his chair further down the table where he and Emma sit. They’re playing an old-fashioned card game; one you’ve never heard of before. When you asked James where he learned it from, he said his great-grandfather had taught it to him. Something called ‘Go Fish’.

James raises his arms above his head in apparent victory, grinning fiercely.

“That’s round three for me, Emma!”

Emma is giggling behind her hand, cheeks flushed a bright pink. She keeps her eyes on James as he playfully postures at winning, and the sight of her joy makes you grin.

You look across the table at Margot and wiggle your eyebrows. She laughs quietly, nodding in agreement.

Sweet Emma and James. You’re almost surprised that they developed such an obvious, big fat crush on each other out of all people, given that their personalities are so different.

Maybe opposites really do attract?

Whatever the reason may be, you hope your friends find happiness in one another. The world could certainly do with more love.  

Margot scoffs in disgust and curls her lip at her empty plate, apparently already over the tooth-rotting sweetness that was Emma and James.

She throws down her silverware onto the table and leans back in her chair, pout firm on her face.

“The food here is ass! You’d think a multi-trillion-dollar company would be able to feed its employees with something other than more fucking oatmeal. I’m so damn tired of oatmeal! It’s been most of our meals for the past month!”

“The supply shipment is late, you know that.” Is all you say. There is nothing to gain from arguing with Margot when she gets into one of these hungry moods.

“Then they need to make it un-late and bring me my fucking muffins!”

“Yeah, I’m pretty sure that ‘un-late’ isn’t even a word, but I do agree with you. Oatmeal reserves are getting pretty old.”

Margot nods vigorously, leaning forward and placing her hands on the table.

“Coup? Coup? Anybody interested?”

You throw back your head and laugh, “Margot, we’re not going throw a coup just because there aren’t any muffins! I thought you had saved a bunch of snacks the last time this happened?”

Margot deflates. “I ate them all already and the vending machines are out of my favorites!”

“Oh, Margot.”

“I know! Somebody just put me out of my misery.” She plants her face into her crossed arms on the table, moping.

“You know, you always complain about the food here, Margot, but that never seems to stop you from scarfing it down,” James says, putting himself into your conversation. He sits in his chair still, shuffling the deck of cards as he smirks at Margot.

“I have to eat it, it’s the only thing they have here!”

You open your mouth to say something, only to pause when a big blue hand reaches around the curve of the open doorway like something out of a horror movie. You sit there, gaping, as Colonel Quaritch crouches down through the opening and steps into the break room.

Margot, James, and Emma see your startled face and turn to see what you’re looking at. When they see Quaritch, they all lurch out of their seats to stand up straight. The cards Emma and James were playing with go flying all over the table and the ground, and Margot nearly knocks her plate off the table.

Quaritch straightens up and stands, several feet taller than any of you. He rests his hand on the holster of the belt wrapped around his trim waistline and practically cocks his hip as he looks directly at you.

You’re still sitting, cracker packet now crushed to a pulp in your right hand. When he looks at you, you finally jolt up to your feet. You dust off the cracker crumbs from your shirt as best you can, anxiety filling you.

“S-Sir!”

What the hell is he doing here!?

He saunters into the room until he’s standing by the table, just a few feet from you. You crane your head up to look at him, baffled and worried.

“Is there…anything you need, sir?” You can’t help the way your eyebrows scrunch up as you ask, clearly confused.

He stares down at you, head tilting to the side as if pondering something. Eventually, he speaks.

“Walk with me.”

And then he turns on his heel and ducks out of the room as quickly as he had entered. You stand, frozen, turning a bewildered stare to your group of friends. They stare back at you, just as perplexed, until Margot urges you to follow him with a push of her hand on your back.

You get your limbs to move and start walking after him, exiting the break room and finding him waiting. Once he sees you’re following after him, he continues walking down the hallway without a word.

The silence is almost uncomfortable as you walk several hallway lengths away from the lounge to some unknown destination. You’re almost tempted to break it to ask where the hell he’s taking you, but fear of his biting words keeps your mouth shut.

His legs are so long that his stride is practically jogging for you, and you have to speed walk so you don’t get left behind. He notices you struggling but doesn’t slow down one bit. In fact, the bastard smirks meanly at your frustration and funny walking pace.

You scowl at his amusement but refuse to say a word.

Finally, Quaritch stops in front of an enormous metal door, and he takes a key from his pocket and twists it into the lock on the doorknob. He opens it and walks in, and then gestures for you to do the same with an impatient wave of his hand.

You hurriedly scuttle in, freaking out even more. If he’s taking you to his office then he must have something serious to talk about, right? Was he going to punish you for what you said, was he going to yell at you, threaten you? You’re practically sweating, fingers twisting as your imagination goes wild.

You take a moment to break out of your thoughts and look around.

You pause.

You stand in the middle of the room, eyes locked onto one thing and one thing only: the large bed laying flush up against the corner of the space.

Who keeps a bed in their office? Is the first thing that comes to your mind. Confusion rushes through you and you look around the room, taking in the closet doors, the large desk tucked into the corner across the room parallel to the bed, the empty walls just as barren as your own room.

Your own room.

Ohmygod I’m in his room. Why would he bring me to his room!?

You whirl around, and Quaritch is standing so close to you that your face nearly smacks into his crotch.

You leap backward with a yelp and jump when Quaritch barks out a loud, unfriendly laugh and then sneers at you.

“I would’ve taken you to my office before, but it seems I don’t have one of those anymore. So, this’ll have to do.”

Confusion layered with frustration comes back to you, and your eyebrows furrow. “Do for what, sir?” You barely remember to tack on the ‘sir’ at the end of your sentence.

His face suddenly breaks out into a sharp-toothed grin, and he leans back, smug once more. You were really starting to get tired of that expression.

“I have a… proposition, for you.”

You barely refrain from turning a wide-eyed, horrified look at the bed.

Under any other circumstance, if a man had taken you to his bedroom and said he was propositioning you, you would be real worried. Red flags would pop up in your brain, mind demanding you flee fast.

But these aren’t normal circumstances, given that one of his arms alone is almost as big as your body. And you didn’t really get the impression that was something he was looking for right now, so you shake your head to get rid of any crude thoughts. You refuse to lower your guard, though, still uneasy.

“Uh, a proposition, sir?”

“Yes. You see, I’m under the firm belief that to destroy your enemies, you have to think like ‘em, be like ‘em. Kill like ‘em, eat like ‘em, shit like ‘em, that sorta thing.”

He takes a step closer and you take one back.

“And if I want to have even a snowball’s chance in hell of finding Jake Sully and the rest of the natives, I’m going to need to put myself in their shoes, metaphorically speaking. But most of the people here are military, marines, people with no knowledge of the Na’vi except how best to kill ‘em.”

“So. Who best to teach me how to be Na’vi other than one of the soft-hearted, limp-dicked scientists who just eats up Na’vi shit like it’s Mamma’s home-baked cookies?”

His yellow eyes burn into yours.

“One specific little scientist came to mind, you see, when I was thinkin’.”

You knew it was coming, but that doesn’t stop you from blanching. You shove a finger in your chest and point at yourself like an idiot.

“Me?”

Quaritch finally leans back, rolling his eyes.

“Yes, you.”

You sputter, mind going a thousand miles per hour.

“But-but, I’m not even an anthropologist, sir! I study foreign plant and-and animal life! Emma, she is the one in anthropology, you should talk to her!”

Quaritch scoffs.

“Emma Rodrigo can barely string a sentence together without pissin’ her pants, let alone teach me to do anythin’.” He crosses his arms over his chest, muscles bulging. His wicked teeth glint in the fluorescent lighting as he grins.

“Nah, I think it outta be you. Peach.”

Shit, shit, shit!

I was right, I should have just gone to my room and never come out.

“But-”

“You can say no, ‘course. This ain’t an order.” The look in his eyes says otherwise. If you decline, you’re sure you’ll either be cleaning toilets for the rest of your life or found dead with his knife in your gut. There is no going easy with this guy.

You gape at him, dumbstruck by the bizarre turn your day had taken. You had hoped you would never have to see this terrifying man ever again, fully prepared to cower and duck out of every room you saw him in. Now, he was asking you, of all people on this base, to teach him?

While this guy had the height and look of a Na’vi, he seemed to utterly despise everything about them. Was it even possible for him to learn anything about the Na’vi, their culture and their language, for it to really make a difference in whether he found them or not?

You weren’t even good at teaching! You were far better at learning and observing than educating people, and you had never been interested in changing that. Could you really teach this guy anything? Was he even capable of learning?

Your face hardens as you realize you’re faced with no other choice but to accept.

I guess we’ll see.

“You know, if you’re too chicken-shit to help me out, I could always get-”

“I’ll do it.” Your voice comes out firm, as confidently as you dared to speak to him.

“…oh?” He raises an eyebrow, looking surprised. And skeptical, the asshole.

You nod your head, letting out a breath you didn’t know you were holding. You are nervous, yes, but it had been decided. There was no going back now.

In for a penny, in for a pound.

“Yes. I’ll teach you everything you want to know about the Na’vi. But I-I also want something in return.”

His eyebrow raises higher.

You muster all the courage and audacity you can find in your body. Admittedly, there isn’t much, but you scrounge up enough to say the next few words aloud,

“In exchange for teaching you, I want you to teach me how to fight. I need to be able to protect myself when I’m out in the forest collecting samples, and I would ask one of my friends, but they can barely handle butter knives. And you are obviously…”

You eye him from top to bottom, eyes lingering on his massive arms before you can stop yourself.

“…capable.” You finish lamely, swallowing. You refuse to back down though, tilting your chin up and keeping eye contact.

Quaritch grins slowly.

“Well, little Peach, you certainly have bigger balls than I thought! It’s a deal-”

You hold your hand out for a handshake, palm open.

“To make it official.”

Quaritch glances down at your hand and then at your face, expression unreadable. And then, slowly, he reaches to grasp your hand and most of your arm once more. He pumps your entire arm down three times, eyes never leaving yours.

If you dared to think it, you might have thought he looked almost…impressed.

You clear your throat, face on fire. “So. When would work best for you, for our lessons?”

“…0500 every day for the next two months outta do it.”

Your eyes widen in horror, mouth dropping open all over again in protest. You barely keep yourself from grasping your chest in shock.

These military guys, did they never learn how to fucking sleep in!? That’s so damn early!

His sneering smirk returns to his face at your reaction, “Come on, Peach! Where’s your sense of adventure? You’ll tell me everything I need to know about the tree-fuckers, and I’ll teach you how to take a fist to the face, that sound good? About two hours each, four hours in total every single god-damn day. Good? Good.”

You sputter, hardly believing your ears. “Four hours every day? Don’t you have better things to do!?”

“Nope. My entire purpose for existing is to capture the traitor Jake Sully and end this war once and for all. With your help, I might actually be able to do that, which means that your time is now my time. Got it?”

You nod, queasy. It seems like all of your bravado from earlier had fled, leaving you with only the shakes and a bad feeling in your stomach.

“Yes, sir.”

“Good girl, Peach. Knew you had it in ya’!”

He claps your shoulder, and even through your shirt you can feel the warmth leaching off his hand and into your own skin.

The grin he wears makes you shiver, and you suddenly feel like prey that had just been caught by a predator, sharp teeth sinking into your neck and bleeding you dry.

He leads you to the door of his bedroom and practically tosses you out, done with you now that he had gotten what he wanted. He barely gives himself a chance to say, “See you bright an’ early tomorrow morning, Peach!” before he is slamming the door in your gawking face.

You stood outside his door for a few moments, simply processing. Eventually, you’re able to make your feet unstick from the floor and you wander back to the break room in a daze, mind clouded.

I can’t fucking believe that just happened. This is going to change my entire schedule for the next few months! Jesus Christ.

You practically stumble through the hallways toward your destination. Once you reach the door to the break room, you lean your arm against it and press your forehead into your arm. Your eyes close, and your heart jackhammers in your chest.

I don’t there’s anyone in my entire life who has ever made me as nervous as that guy. Holy shit.

You take deep breaths, trying to relax your muscles and get some air into your lungs. It takes a few moments, but eventually you’re able to get your heart rate down to a steady pump.

You lick your lips, suddenly parched.

When you lean up from your perch against the door and open your eyes, you can see the faint form of your face shining up from the metal of the door. Your pupils are blown, eyes still wide, and your cheeks are red.

He is seriously the scariest motherfucker I’ve ever met. And now I’m going to have to teach him things! I don’t know how I’m going to do it without passing out a few times, ohmygod. This is going to be miserable.

You swallow as best you can with a dry throat and shakily reach up to fix your messy hair, smoothing down flyaways. You straighten your shirt, crack your neck, and plaster a calm smile onto your face.

There’s no reason to let them know how terrified I am.

You open the door to the break room and step inside, ready to answer any questions they must surely have, and…

The room is empty.

You deflate, hand rubbing down your face and feeling embarrassed.

Of course they wouldn’t wait, we have a linking session in thirty minutes…that I am now late for. Fantastic.

------

You spend the rest of the day completely distracted, too worried about what might happen the next morning. It even took longer than usual for you to link into your Avatar, and when you were finally able to get outside, you had to answer to the swarm of nosy scientists you called your friends.

They were just concerned, you knew, but you didn’t like having to relive the entire stressful event down to the last detail. Still, you gave in and spilled, telling them about Quaritch’s ‘proposition’ (ha!) and leaving out the part where he had taken you to his bedroom.  

They had all given you looks that ranged from horrified -Emma-, sympathetic -Margot and James-, and utterly uncaring -David-.

You start drinking from your water bottle franticly after you tell them everything, feeling anxious all over again.

“Well, maybe this won’t be such a bad thing,” Margot says, expression turning contemplative. All members of your group are sitting outside around a creaky wooden table in your Avatar forms, enjoying the fresh, sweet air and the bright light of Pandora as the rays warm your cyan skin. When you tilt your head back to let it shine on your face, it almost feels like home had been before the pollution clouded the sky.

Your hearing in this form is incredibly sensitive, and it hurts to hear the loud, never-ending beeping and rumbling of production taking place. It had taken you weeks to spend much time outside, and even then, you still sometimes have to put your hands over your big pointy ears when the sounds become too overwhelming.

Margot curls her large fingers underneath her chin and props her head up in her hand, “I mean, you’ll learn to protect yourself, so there’s that. Also, um…” She looks at the rest of the group mischievously, and they all get questioning looks on their faces.

She clears her throat and leans in closer to you. She puts a hand in front of her mouth, blocking it from the others, and whispers into your ear,

“I really, really wouldn’t mind getting to see how big his dick actually is and maybe you’ll get a chance.”

You choke on the water pouring into your mouth, spraying it all over the table you are sitting at. The liquid gets caught in your throat, causing you to cough painfully.

“Oh my god, Margot!” you screech, still coughing into your elbow and voice coming out scratchy. Your watery eyes glare at her over your arm.

Margot shrugs, “What, I was just saying what we were all thinking. He’s the biggest guy here, which has gotta mean something, right?” She wiggles her eyebrows and grins salaciously, and you bury your face into your arm.

“If he ever heard you saying anything like that, he would put his knife straight through your face without even hesitating!”

“I’ll let him put something else in my face if he wants.”

“Margot!”

It wasn’t like you hadn’t noticed that Colonel Miles Quaritch was a beautiful man. It would be impossible, really. Despite the sneer he always seemed to have on his face, the deep cyan of his skin, his wide, golden eyes, and his tall, broad frame were enough to make anybody swoon.

And his feline features weren’t the only thing that made him attractive. You could see his beauty in his long-fingered and broad hands, in his high cheekbones, in the curve of his lips even when they were curled up in disdain. 

It wouldn’t surprise you to learn that a lot of people thought he was attractive just because of his attitude, either. Back home it seemed that everyone was interested in the cocky, proud, manly posturing that Quaritch seemed to like to do.

But despite how pretty he may be, he was also absolutely, shit-your-pants terrifying, and an asshole, which was enough for you to keep it in your pants. That, and the fact that he hated your guts.

“Trust me, Margot, I’ll be too busy trying not to piss him off again to see how big anything is.”

Great, now I’m thinking about his dick.

Margot rolls her eyes but leans back in her seat and drops the subject, “Your loss, then.”

James strikes up a new topic, just as embarrassed as you, and you slouch gratefully back into your seat, glad that the interrogation is over.

It’s nearing darkness by the time you all finish your linking sessions, and the group shuffles their way back into the sleeping center for the Avatars. You move over to your assigned bed, crawling under the soft sheets and sighing deeply.

You lightly traced your right-hand index finger over the smooth skin of your left arm, causing goosebumps to rise. It was still so strange, being able to actually feel with a body that was yours but not, having so many new features that you still have to adjust to even weeks later. Having a whole-ass tail, being several feet taller than any human alive, having super strength, hell, even being blue was still just totally fucking weird.

You lay back into the cot and attempt to clear your mind from any thoughts, but it was just as hard as it had been when you had linked earlier. After a few minutes, you are finally able to silence your mind and drift off just enough for the link to become secure and for you to wake up in the gel link bed, back in your human body.

By the time you walk to your room, you are bone-wary, almost stumbling on your feet. You dread the coming morning, and the only thing you want to do now is turn off your brain and rest. Your shoulders hurt from the stress of the day, and when you finally unlock your bedroom door, take off your clothes, shower, and brush your teeth, you’re practically hunched over.

You shuffle under the covers once again, and you’re unconscious before your head can fully settle onto the pillow. 

------

Your eyes pop open, arms and legs flailing wildly in your sheets as you struggle to reach over to your alarm clock to silence its screaming. When you finally smack it, the crack of your hand connecting with its durable metal makes your palm sting angrily.

You let out a hoarse groan, cradling your hand to your chest as you flop down onto your bed. It had barely felt like you had gotten a wink of sleep last night, too busy thinking about your approaching morning with Quaritch. Scenarios ranging from you accidentally stabbing him to him purposefully stabbing you ran through your head, keeping you awake after only a few hours of rest.

Eventually, you stop your moping and reluctantly pull yourself out of your bed, eyes blearily glaring around your room.

It’s still a gray and sad little space, your room, but you had placed the small number of personal items you brought with you to Pandora throughout it. The one picture you had of your parents sits framed on your desk, along with your holotablet.  

The few items of clothing and the two pairs of shoes you owned were put up in your closet haphazardly, and your hygienic amenities were scattered across the small bathroom connected to your room.

Your room and areas beyond it are all so generic and boring, which is why you spend most of your time either with your group or outside in your Avatar, being able to run around and feel. And once you were finally able to leave Bridgehead, your life would start, and it wouldn’t matter what your room looked like.

You tiredly get dressed and brush your teeth and your wild hair, putting it up into a simple ponytail to keep it out of your face. Once you’re suitable, you head out and lock the door behind you, placing the key in the right pocket of your jeans.

The hallways are quiet for once, and even the incessant roaring of construction has stopped. You walk down the softly lit hallways to the mess hall, unreasonably jealous of the people who get to sleep in their beds.

Most of the lights are off when you walk in, but to your surprise, there are a few people sitting down at a table already eating their breakfast.

Guess my assumption about the military was right, they really don’t know how to sleep in.

To your delight, there is a light amount of muffins and bagels laid out on a table nearby, but the most important thing was the coffee pot next to them.

Looks like the shipment finally came in. Margot is going to piss her pants.

You gladly snag two muffins with napkins and two small cups of coffee, heading right back out the door to the hallway with a friendly smile to the person walking in. They look blankly back at you, but you don’t mind as you stuff a chocolate chip muffin into your mouth as you walk.

You shuffle the remaining muffin and cups into your left hand and elbow crook, grasping the cold metal handle of the glass door that leads into the center with your right hand. You can see a head of black curls poke out from the side of a monitor, followed quickly by a scowl and a pair of eyes glaring blearily at you as you walk in.

You wince. “Morning, Tom. Thanks again for doing this, I really appreciate it.”

Tom had been the unlucky soul you had asked to help link you into your Avatar every morning for the foreseeable future. He had balked when you had asked, saying “Hell no!” before the words were fully out of your mouth. You had leveled him with your best begging look and offered to pay for six of the ridiculously expensive books you know he liked to read coming in on the next supply shipment.

He grouchily agreed to the deal but demanded you bring him breakfast every morning. You had accepted with a pleased smile.

Tom rolls his eyes and snatches the cup of coffee from your hand when you offer it. You’re about to warn him about how hot it was when he gulps half of it down. You watch, halfway impressed and halfway feeling the pain for him in your own throat.

“Let’s get started, then.” His voice is even more crackly than yours is this early.

You nod hurriedly and take one last sip of your coffee before you reluctantly set it down on the table. You walk over to the link bed and crawl in, and Tom pulls the cover down over you. You settle in, closing your eyes to clear your mind.

------

“There ya’ are, Peach! I was startin’ to think you’d chickened out on me.” Quaritch’s loud voice startles you out of your sleepy trance, and your head snaps up from where it is laying against the metal table you are sitting at.

The asshole looks as awake and lucid as usual, not a hint of tiredness on his face. He grins nastily when he sees your sleepy expression.

“We didn’t agree on a place to meet up, sir.” You are barely able to cover your yawn with a hand, and you stand with a grimace.

“That is true. From now on, we’ll do our lessons in Courtyard Six. Try to keep up.”

He turns and walks away, clearly expecting you to follow. You hurry to catch up with his long stride, but it’s much easier to do in this form. He’s almost ten feet tall, but your Avatar is eight and a half feet tall, and you are able to lengthen your stride to match his pace. Your shoulder width and muscles are still much smaller than his, but you imagined most were.

As you step in close to him, your nose twitches, and you realize something that almost makes you trip.

Quaritch smells really, really good.

You lean in closer to him and inhale discreetly, deeper than before, and, yep, that scent is definitely coming from him.

It is such a rich scent, a strange combination of rainwater, black coffee, and something smoky, like a campfire.  

The smell is so strong that it feels like a physical mist floating its way through your nose and ears and into your head. Your mind goes fuzzy, as if suddenly stuffed with cotton. Your lips and fingertips tingle. And to your absolute horror, you can actually feel your mouth start to water.

It’s just such a lovely scent.

Do you think he’d be okay with it if I pressed my nose into his neck to smell him better-No!

You try to break out of the mist, shaking your head to get rid of the images of licking up his neck, tasting his skin, the way his head would tilt back and you would be able to feel his rumbling groan spread through his chest pressed up against your own and-

Stop it! Jesus Christ, don’t even think about it!

This is just a completely normal physical reaction, right? Maybe, but it wasn’t like this with the other guys!

In front of you, Quaritch’s footsteps stutter to a stop for a split second before resuming. It’s barely a pause, but it’s enough to make you snap out of your thoughts and look up at him. When you do, you notice the slight twitching of his own feline-like nose.

Is he smelling the same thing?

He turns his head around slightly to look at you, and you make eye contact with him just enough to notice his pupils are blown out, consuming most of his iris.

My eyes are probably no better, you think, before ducking your head to watch your feet as you walk.

Quaritch stares at you for a moment and then turns his attention back toward the path, and you do the same. You discreetly rub at your sensitive nose, trying to get his fantastic scent out of your head. A few moments after you do, Quaritch rubs at his own nose.

It doesn’t work, but by the time you reach the courtyard you’ve already gotten a little used to it. Thankfully you don’t feel as lightheaded anymore, but you have no idea if it is going to come back.

You notice that the sky has begun to lighten up as Quaritch unlocks the chain-link gate leading into the yard. Not that you really need any light, what with being able to see in the dark and all.

 He stops once you enter and closes the gate behind you, and you can immediately tell why he had chosen this courtyard out of all the others. It was hidden behind a big wall of concrete that had no windows, so nobody could see you from inside the building, and it was positioned all the way in the back of the court section, meaning it was far more remote and private than the others.

Probably doesn’t want his tough guy image to be hurt when people saw him learning about the Na’vi and chatting with a little scientist, the prick.

The enclosure is a simple little area with a small basketball court, a tetherball pole, and a metal table. Nothing special, but it would be perfect for your lessons. 

He turns around to meet your eyes, and you still have to tilt your head back to return his yellow gaze. The bioluminescent markings on his face glow brightly.  

“You wanna go first, Peach?”

You swallow nervously but nod, “I’ll go first. I thought a lot about what our first lesson was going to be last night.”

You drop down onto the soft faux grass that covered the courtyard, legs crisscross applesauce in front of you as you avoid sitting on your flicking tail. You look up at him expectantly when he continues to stand.

Quaritch looks at the table sitting just a few feet away and shrugs. He plops down onto the grass hesitantly and crosses his legs in front of him the same as you. Now that he’s actually here, all the plans you made completely leave your brain, and you mind turns blank as you struggle to come up with something to say. You both sit there in silence for a few moments before he says,

“So are you actually going to say anything in this lesson or what? Usually I can’t get you quacks to shut the fuck up-”

“Sorry, sorry! I’m just trying to figure out where to start. Um…” Your brain flashes to what Quaritch had said when he started this whole thing, wanting to learn more about the way the Na’vi think, what’s important to them, how they work.

“Okay. Well, I guess the first place to start would be at the very beginning. Millions of years ago, when-”

Quaritch interrupts you with a loud groan, throwing his head back in exasperation, “I’m not askin’ for a history lesson here, Peach. Just tell me about them now, how they operate now, in this time, not millions of years ago! Jesus Christ, you pretentious assholes always have to drag things out-”

“Okay, alright, I’m sorry! Um, so the most important thing to know about the Na’vi is their connection to nature, their connection to Eywa. You’ve heard about Her, right?”

You continue to speak when Quaritch nods. “Right, well, She protects the balance of life here on Pandora, and the Na’vi love Eywa, the Great Mother. All things on Pandora are connected to each other through Eywa; you, me, plants, animals, you name it. Life and the forest are sacred to them because it bonds them to Eywa. They can actually speak to Her, and there are places like the Tree of Souls and the Tree of Voices that are sacred to them. They connect all the Na’vi to Eywa and to their ancestors, and they can actually hear the voices of past living people, isn’t that amazing? Are you with me so far?”

Quaritch nods again, surprisingly quiet. In fact, it’s probably the longest you’ve ever seen him be silent. His face is carefully blank, eyebrows furrowed with some unnamed emotion as he listens to you speak.

And that’s how the next two hours go, you talking and Quaritch listening with rapt attention. You had no idea if what you were talking about was anything Quaritch wanted to hear, but he didn’t interrupt you other than to ask a rare question.  

About an hour in you stood up and stretched, bones popping and limbs aching from sitting on the ground for so long. Your ass was practically numb, and your left leg was stinging with pins and needles. You put your hands on your hips and looked down at Quaritch, who remained sitting on the grass.

For the first time ever, you were actually the one towering over him, and the thought made you grin as he looked up at you.

It seemed he could tell what you were thinking, because he scowled and pulled himself up on his feet, looming over you once more. He stretched his long arms above his head to get the blood flowing back in, groaning just like you had a moment ago.

You paused your own movement, gaze lingering on the way his strong muscles shifted underneath his pretty blue skin. They bunched up as his arms flexed, and your mouth turned dry.

Your eyes flickered over them for a few moments and then shifted to his face. Your stomach swooped low as you realized he had caught you looking, and you stared at him in mortification as his sneering, arrogant smile returned full force to his face. He looked so smug.

You had no idea your Avatar could even blush from embarrassment, but your cheeks burned all the same. You hurriedly turned your gaze away from him entirely, eyes squeezed shut.

He let out a low, unpleasant chuckle, clearly taking immense pleasure in your misery.

Asshole!

You stood for a few more minutes, back facing him as you pretended to examine the sky with incredible interest, waiting for your blush to fade and your stomach to settle. Eventually, you both sat on the grass once again, and you resumed your speech.

You talked about all things Na’vi related, from their connection to Eywa to what they wore, what they ate, their ceremonies, anything that popped into your head that you felt was important to mention.

In the grand scheme of things, you weren’t able to cover very much ground before your two hours were up and your lesson ended for the day.

By this time, Pandora’s light has returned from the eclipse, shining down brightly on both of you.

“So, how did I do?” you dare ask Quaritch.

“Well. Now I know what a Na’vi eats for breakfast, so. That’s something.”

You groan and bury your face in your hands, “I’m sorry, you said you wanted to know what they ate and everything! I promise we’ll eventually get into the more interesting and important things.”

Please don’t put me on toilet duty. I can do this!

Quaritch sighs, but says, “Don’t worry, Peach. We’ll get to the juicier parts someday. Learning to be one’s enemy is a long process, after all.”

He smacks his thighs, and the sound makes you jump, face moving away from your hands. Your nerves reignite in your stomach all over again as you realize it is now time for your lesson.

Why did I ever ask him to do this!? I should never have said anything, now I’m going to be Quaritch’s punching bag for the next few months! Idiot!

A sharp-toothed grin stretches over Quaritch’s face, and he leans in until he’s right in front of you, face close to yours. His yellow eyes bore into yours, and you can see your own terrified expression reflecting right back at you.

“Time for me to teach you, Peach.”

------

 “Alright, Peach. You know how to handle a knife?”

You think about it and shake your head.

“…Okay. Do you know how to throw a punch?”

Again, you shake your head.

Quaritch curses and takes a step back, squeezing his eyes shut and rubbing the middle finger of his right hand between them as if praying for patience.

Both of you are standing in the middle of the small basket court, facing one another. You refuse to feel embarrassed by Quaritch’s reaction to your fighting skills, or lack thereof.

Not everyone can be a terrifying killing machine, asshole!

Quaritch seems to get the patience he was asking for, straightening up with a sigh.

“Back to the basics, then. Jesus.”

He steps up to you and places his warm, large hands on the bare skin of your shoulders. He shuffles you over closer to him, and you go willingly, body tense.

“First step in learning to defend yourself is to not be a pussy.”

Wow. Wonderful advice.

“You need to be firm in your stance and your attack, else your opponent will just be able to knock you off your feet before you can even land a hit. And if your limbs are loose, you’ll lose your balance and go flying just from your own force. Keep your core tight.”

He places a large hand firmly against the bare skin of your stomach and you suck in a surprised breath. His touch tingles through you in a way you’ve never felt before, and you look up at him with wide eyes.

He jerks his hand back and clears his throat. He walks around toward your back, and you can see the veins in his arm shift when his hand flexes by his side.

“When you throw a punch, you need to keep your wrist straight and fully extend your arm each time. Make sure you step like this,” he demonstrates, “and pull your arm like this.”

“Keep your thumb behind your index and middle fingers but out of your fist, don’t stick your pinky out, and you want to hit your opponent with these knuckles right here. Got it?”

You nod slowly, making a fist following his instructions with your right hand. He nods once and then moves in front of you. He lifts his hands in the air, palms facing outward.

“Hit me.”

Already? But I barely even- alright, you know what, I don’t even care anymore.

You shake out your arms self-consciously and try to position your body in the way he had shown you. You pull your arms up, hands folding into fists, stance widening, and you lash your arm out at him with all the strength you can muster.

Your right fist smacks against his open palm with a satisfying thwack, and you grin, tossing your arms above your head at your success.

“Your form was good, Peach, but your fist felt like getting hit with a bug. You need to work on your strength, build up your muscles and your core. Try again.”

You nod, arm flying out and hitting his palm once more.

“No, you need to keep your arm tucked in, not flying out like an idiot bird with a broken wing. Again.”

You hit his hands over and over for the next half an hour as he corrects your form and stance. As he said, you need to build your strength up in this new body, but this was a good start. He has to get in pretty close once again to show you how to move your body, but other than he seems to keep his distance.

You know, this isn’t so bad!

You hit him again a few more times before he nods, satisfied, and drops his arms.

“Now you know how to hit somebody hard, Peach. Always go for sensitive places, like the nose, groin, ears, eyes, kidney, wherever you can reach. Got it?”

You lower your own arms, panting. Reaching out to punch him hadn’t taken much movement from your arms, but doing it over and over again for half an hour made them ache terribly. You struggle to catch your breath.

It had been embarrassing, admittedly, the first few times. You had felt shy and scared all at once, unsure of yourself and uneager to be anywhere near Quaritch, let alone close enough to touch him.

Then you’d lost most of the fear the second time he had lightly smacked your cheek when he got through your defensively positioned arms. They were pretty much love taps, practically pats, but it had lit an angry fire in your stomach. Your uneasiness turned to determination to land at least one hit on him, and you forgot all about your trepidation and that this was Quaritch you were tussling with.

From the way he had grinned and curled his fingers in a ‘come-hither’ gesture, that was probably what he had been trying to do.

He also probably just liked hitting you, the dickbag.

Quaritch nods, and you fully expect him to end the lesson early for the day. What you weren’t expecting was for him to reach down and pull a massive knife from its sheath on his right thigh, bringing it up toward the light for examination.

You lean back quickly, ears flicking to the sides of your head in alarm. You had thought your punching lesson had seemed tame for him! It really wouldn’t surprise you if he decided you needed a lesson on keeping your guard up and lunged at you.  

He won’t stab me, he won’t stab me, he won’t stab me, he won’t stab me-

“This here’s a bowie knife, seventeen inches of serrated steel strong enough to cut through bone.”

He waves it around carefully, smirking at your wide-eyed look of terror.

“And this…” he leans down to put the knife back in its sheath before pulling out something else from a different pocket on his right leg, “This is your knife.”

The little knife is comically small in his giant hand, more of a switchblade than anything else.

“That’ll be the knife you use for the next week at least, so don’t lose it.”

You pluck it from his hand gingerly, fingers folding around the base as you bring it up to your eyes for closer inspection. It looks bigger in your hand than it did in his, and you can see his initials, M.Q, engraved on its tiny metal handle.

Why the hell would a guy as big as Quaritch even need a knife this small? Does he use it as a toothpick?

Nonetheless, you’re glad he didn’t give you anything bigger to use for your first time. You weren’t sure you’d be able to handle it without stabbing yourself.

He shows you how to hold it, how to slash and stab, the proper way to stand and lunge with the little blade.

After another half an hour, he nods.

“Alright, now I want you to try me.” He says, pulling his arms up close to his chest and goading you on once again with a ‘come at me’ curled hand gesture, cocky smirk in place.

You balk. “You want me to charge at you with a knife already? We just got started!”

“Yep, sure did. What, you think you could actually touch me, let alone hurt me with that little thing? Ha!”

You wince. That’s a good point.

You do what he taught you to, adjusting your grip on the blade and positioning your body and feet into the dirt, tightening your core. You take a deep breath, strengthen your muscles, and then leap with a cry.

Quaritch shifts out of the way of your knife quicker than you had yet to see him move, simply stepping to the side with an unsurprised expression.

You go sailing past him, war cry turning panicked. You drop the knife and jerk up your arms to cover your face, turning away and squeezing your eyes shut.

Just as you start tilting toward the dirt, a hand grips the back of the collar of your shirt and pulls you upright before you can even realize you aren’t falling anymore. You remained positioned for impact, hands still in front of your face to cushion your fall even as you stand on your own two feet.

You open your eyes and blink, hands patting down your front as if to make sure no injury had been done to your person.

Quaritch lets go of your collar, knuckles brushing against the sensitive skin of your neck.

“That was fuckin’ pathetic! It was like a wet paper bag was throwin’ itself my way. And where the hell did you learn to cry out like that, ‘cause it was fuckin’ embarrassin’.”

You pay no attention to his harsh words, still stunned you hadn’t face-planted into the dirt for once.

You look up at him, starry-eyed.

“That was amazing, Quaritch! You moved so fast I could barely see you! Have you always been that quick or is it new? Could you teach me how to dodge like that?”

He stares down at you, ears flicking back against the sides of his head. An odd expression crosses his face, almost as though he was taken aback by your wonder.

He clears his throat awkwardly, turning to the side to avoid your strong eye contact.

“That doesn’t matter, not with that pathetic performance. You need ta’ be firm, like I said, and not throwin’ your weight ‘round like a pussy. Come on, do it again.”

You reach down into the dirt to pick up your little knife, and you lunge at him again. He dodges all the same, but you surprise the both of you when you don’t stop, turning around and slashing in his direction.

Of course, the blade doesn’t even touch him, but it’s the thought that counts.

He grins at you, “There you go, Peach! Way to show some initiative, I’ll make a fine soldier out of you yet. Let’s go again, come on.”

And that’s how you end your morning, trying to stab Colonel Miles Quaritch with a knife the size of one of his fingers. You’d have never thought this was where you would be when you met him all those weeks ago, but hey, if learning from him would one day save your life, you’d do it gladly.

By the time two hours have passed, you’re sweating and panting for breath, hands on your knees. Your body was still new, and you hadn’t been in it long enough for you to get past light jogging and reflex training. Honestly, the fact that you were able to do all that moving without collapsing was a god-damn miracle.

You were so much faster in this form, so much more flexible and stronger. Still, that held no comparison to the trained, experienced combat vet you were practically playing with. Because that’s what this would be called, not fighting or even training. It was like playing tag or a slapping game, cause that’s all that happened for the entire lesson.

Quaritch, the fucker, doesn’t have a drop of sweat on him. His chest rose and fell evenly, and he rested one of his hands on the gun holster he had wrapped around his hips.

“You good, Peach? Not going to puke, are ‘ya?” You’d be flattered by his concern for your well-being if it weren’t for the mean, amused tone layering his voice when he spoke.

You stay bent over for a few more moments as you struggle to catch your breath. Eventually, you’re able to rise fully upright. You answer his question, even though you know it was rhetorical,  

“I-I’m good, I think.”

Just as you finish your sentence, your stomach growls angrily, as though enraged at being denied sustenance.

Ugh.

If you weren’t exhausted and beyond caring about what Quaritch thought of you, with your floppy, sweaty form and shitty punches, you would have been embarrassed. Now, though, the only thing you do is pout. Now, you were just a little pissed and tired at getting your ass thoroughly kicked for two hours.

“I’m hungry, can we be finished for the day?”

Quaritch rolls his eyes, unimpressed, but relents.

“Yeah, Peach, we’re done. Let’s get goin’.”

You grin, relieved, and your energy returns just slightly at the thought of lunch. You bound to his side, and he leads the way out of the courtyard and into the space beyond.

The day is in full swing, scientists, soldiers, robots, and trucks all bustling around Bridgehead as you follow Quaritch close on his heels to the mess hall.

You pass by all the tiny little humans, most of whom don’t even spare either of you a glance. Either because they were used to seeing ten-foot-tall Avatars walking around or because they were too busy to give a shit. Probably both, really.

You both have to duck as you walk through the doorway, Quaritch much more than you. You walk over to the table where you had snagged the muffins for breakfast earlier that morning, grabbing three of the sandwiches that were there now instead.

Quaritch grabs six of them, piling them all onto his plate.

You’ve just started scarfing yours down when a large hand whips out across your back, slamming into you. You inhale instinctively and start choking on your food, struggling to breathe. You turn around, fully ready to smash your sandwiches into the face of whichever fucker did that when you see Quaritch’s walking away, waving the spare hand not holding his food up behind him.

“See you ‘round, Peach.”

Oh. Well, at least he said goodbye.

You drink from the water bottle you’d snagged from the mass hall and eat your sandwiches as you walk to the showering station for Avatars. You stay under the pounding warm water longer than you probably should, enjoying the way it soothes the ache in your tense arms and shoulders.

After you’re done washing away the sweat and grime, you head back to the Avatar resting area, ready to be in your own body.

It had taken you a while to learn how to hold onto the brain link connecting your bodies; the first few weeks were the worst when you were learning to hold it longer and longer. Sometimes it would break, and you would slam back into your human body with a gasp, disoriented and head pounding.

Now, though, you were much better at holding onto the link for longer periods, even if it still gave you a headache.

You settle back into the pillows, closing your eyes and letting your mind go blank.

------

When you wake up in your human body, it always feels stuffy, not right, like you’re being squeezed into a tube. Your mouth is always cottony, too, and even though your body was simply laying down like you were asleep, your bones always ache when you get up as if you’ve been doing jumping jacks for however long you were in there.

You step out of the link bed, stretching your arms above your head and groaning. Tom is no longer in the linking center, but you didn’t expect him to be when there were others milling about who could watch over you.

You stand up and wobble a little bit, dizzy. Once it passes and you’re sure you can walk without smacking into anything, you make your way back toward your room, fully intent on sleeping for the rest of the afternoon before the conference in the evening.

Just as you leave the linking center, Margot runs into you, hair wild and eyes a little bit crazy. She grabs onto your shoulders, shaking you back and forth lightly. You let her do whatever she wants, beyond caring.

“How did it go? Did he yell at you, did he flirt any? Ooh, did he smack your ass-? Hey!”

You shake her hands off, walking past her with a roll of your eyes.

“Jesus Christ Margot, you really need to get laid.”

She groans, following after you with quick steps, waving her arms around as she says, “I know! There’s just no one I’ve seen that I’m interested in, so I have to live through you and your sexy romance with Colonel Quaritch-”

You halt, turning around to grab her shoulders. You’re the one shaking her back and forth this time.

“Listen, Margot, there is nothing going on with Quaritch and me at all, nothing sexy, nothing flirty! We literally just met like two days ago, and he’s hated me ever since! Now stop saying stuff like that, or he’s going to overhear us, again, and kill us both. Okay? Okay.”

Margot whines, “Oh, but maybe there could be! If you were just a little less uptight and he was a little less homicidal, you guys could totally get together. I mean, you can’t deny that he might be interested, right? I totally saw the way he was looking at you yesterday!”

“Yeah, he was looking at me like he wanted to wrap his hands around my throat.”

“Kinky.”

“No, Margot, not kinky! More like murderous! You’re starting to sound crazy, Margot, you’ve gotta do something before you start humping anything that moves.”

Margot blushes, finally feeling some sort of shame, and she nods, “Yeah, you’re right, I’m sorry. I’m just so pent-up, honey. Ugh! Okay, I’m going to try to relax somewhere, get outta my head for a little bit. I’ll see you tonight, okay?”

You pat her shoulder and say, “See you then, Margot.”

She gives you one last smile before she’s off, bounding down the hallway. You shake your head in fond exasperation, now even more tired than before, and walk back to your room. You adored Margot, loved her, but sometimes her exuberance made your head pound.

You unlock your door, kick off your shoes, and toss yourself onto the unmade sheets of your bed. One last thought floats through your mind just before you drift off to sleep.  

Maybe mornings with Quaritch won’t be as bad as I thought.

peachy keen. Part Two

[thesunicarusfellfor]

My beloved! I do not know if you watched the recent lore stream ( if you haven't please! Watch it before answering my ask! ) I was wondering if you could do something with eret and foolish where instead of foolish dying it's the reader? And the reader is on her last life after she died from badboyhalo? Just some angst ( please I wanna cry out my feelings after this stream omg- and plus your my favorite writer so yea :p)

Have an amazing day! <3

-Moosh

BELOVED! EEEEEEE I'VE BEEN WANTING TO WRITE ERET FOR SOOOOO LOOOOONG YOU HAVE NO IDEA. I'm just going to make it an Eret x Reader because I don't know Foolish's character too well if that's okay?

(ALso, you will make me cry from all these compliments, please ;^;)

I actually am adding onto this because I want to make a hybrid reader for once, hope you don't mind! ^^

SPOILERS FOR THE RED BANQUET AND MULTIPLE PRONOUNS USED FOR ERET

My Monarch (C!Eret x GN!Butterfly Hyrbid!Reader)

You giggled softly, your beautiful paper-thin wings flitting behind you as you hopped around Eret's room while he got his newly tailored red cloak chained together, "My goodness, monarch, you're going to waste up all your energy before the party even begins!" He laughed at your reddened cheeks while he put his crown on top of his neatly styled hair, putting his sunglasses on shortly after, "How do I look?"

"Like a true queen!" You chirped, adjusting your outfit in the mirror beside your lover before frowning and taking the glasses away from her, "Ah, ah, nope. If I'm having my wings out of my cloak, you aren't wearing your sunglasses, darling, we've been over this."

The royal huffed and gave a small pout but didn't argue much on the matter, as they did, in fact, practically beg you to keep your wings out for display for the banquet. With a small chuckle, they reached over and picked up your crown that was decorated with rainbows of jewels, placing it on your styled (h/l) (h/c) hair, being mindful of your antennae, "There... There's my monarch."

You blushed slightly at the nickname and gave a small giggle as you took his hand, "Come on, let's get going, Bad will get impatient if we're late." Eret gave a nod with a smile, leading you towards the door and out of his castle.

The two of you were happily chatting with each other as you travelled to the stairway that led underground, happily saying hellos to your 'mama' Puffy, who gave you typical motherly affection, ie: smooshing your cheeks as she gave you a light headbutt while calling you every motherly compliment in the book, and anyone else that was also invited to the Banquet. When you arrived, you took a sharp breath as you saw the room filled with red vines crawling and writhing everywhere, it sickened you... But, this was about Bad apologizing, and you supposed that you could put your discomfort off to the side for just a little bit.

Eret, being the gentleman she was, pulled out your chair for you and gestured for you to sit down, smiling softly as you gave her a kiss on the cheek and sat down in the chair. She pushed you in and sat in the chair to your left, Puffy on your right, gently taking your hand once she was tucked into the table.

You were so anxious that you could barely focus on the speech Bad was giving, until your ears and antennae picked up the sound and scent of running lava which successfully shook you out of your thoughts, but before you could mention anything to Eret, you heard a chuckle.

"Now, prepare to die."

There was a chorus of gasps that tore from everyone's mouths as the sound of lava got louder. You lifted your head from staring at the red soup in the bowl in front of you and looked around in horror as you saw lava blocking the exits. You felt Eret tighten their grip on your hand, but by then your heart was already racing in fear and your wings were shifting around nervously.

"Oh my god!"

"We've been walled in!"

"After all that?!"

Bad tossed his empty glass bottle to the side, causing it to shatter on the ground below and get greedily grabbed at by the red vines, "Well uh, that's right."

"Bad, what about turning over this leaf?!" Captain Puffy snapped, slamming her mostly empty bottle of water down on the table as she stood up.

The nine-foot-tall demon seemed to nonchalantly brush off her outburst and shook his head lamely, "No, the leaf is staying the way it is." He sat up properly in his chair and rested his elbows on the warped wooden table to hold his chin in his hands.

"Is... There any way out?" You asked aloud, quickly spinning around, looking for any gap that you could possibly fly through. Eret quickly wrapped his arm around you, his white eyes wide with slight hints of fear that he was used to hiding with his glasses.

"No! There's literally no way out!" Fundy cried out, restlessly shuffling and running around, trying to find anything everyone could use to escape.

HBomb gave a small shriek of pain as he burned his hand on the lava, "It is real lava! It is real lava!" He gasped out as Puffy quickly made him shove his hand into the bowl of beat soup. Bad calmly walked over and gave him a glimmering gold apple with a sickly sweet smile.

"You should try not to die yet, HBomb." He chuckled softly as he returned to his seat once the man eagerly bit into the potion soaked fruit, desperate to get rid of the burning sensation.

Puffy took a few deep breaths and held out her arms, trying to get everyone to stop freaking out completely, "We're fine, we're fine, we're fine! I- I didn't trust you, Bad, I didn't trust you at all. I didn't trust Antfrost. I knew! I knew something was up, it's unfortunate to say I can't trust either one of you... Because... I planned this..."

She eagerly ripped off the red silken table cloth to reveal a chest buried in the table, spilling drinks and soup everywhere for the vines to eagerly writhe towards, "Oh?! What?!" Bad gasped, his mouth parting in shock... Before it fell bad into a devious smile as Puffy gave a cry of confusion, finding the chest completely empty, "Oh? Were you... Looking for this, perchance?"

Bad equipped diamond enchanted armour and held up an enchanted diamond sword that glimmered in the light of the lava, Ant, Ponk... And Hannah... Doing the same, "Sorry Puffy. I had to do it..." Hannah Rose walked over and sat in the empty seat on Bad's left.

"Do... What, Hannah? Why?!" The Ram hybrid whispered in horror.

"I had to tell them." She responded simply, blinking a few times as her eyes went from a forest coloured green to redder than the colour of the egg's vines slithering around your ankles, "The egg..."

Biting back a sob, you looked at Hannah, "You were with them the whole time...?"

Sam stood completely still, looking at the girl sadly, "You... Told them, Hannah?" The warden murmured.

"I had to." She glanced at Bad with a small grin before looking back at her former friends, including you, "It was the only way."

"I'm sorry," Bad started, sounding almost completely genuine, if it wasn't for the crooked smile he was wearing, "I'm sorry Sam, I'm sorry Puffy. But, time to get on to the main event!"

The creeper hybrid held up his hand, pointing one finger to the ceiling to silently tell the Eggpire to hold on for just a moment, "Well... That is, tragic, that you told them about our plans for the armour, but..." You could tell Sam grinned behind his mask as his green eyes gave a few sparks of smugness, "Something, you should know. I had another plan. Because I didn't trust you."

"...What do you mean 'another plan'?" Bad pointed his loaded crossbow at the warden, eyes narrowing into a glare.

"Well," He pulled a remote out of his pocket and scanned it in mock curiosity, "I think, that we all can agree, that this has gone on long enough now. I'm tired of all this fighting. So I say we just blow the egg up. For good, this time, with an amount of TNT that it can't survive... So I hid a trap..."

'Of course... The creeper hybrid is using TNT...' You thought with a small smile, trying to distract yourself from the heartstopping fear overwhelming your body at the moment as Bad stuttered in surprise.

"A trap?! Wait, what do you mean!?" the demon growled as Sam got up and walked slightly closer to the egg, digging his thumb into the button on the remote he held.

"We did something even you couldn't prepare for!" Puffy shouted as TNT began to rain out of a small gap in the ceiling.

Eret, worrying for your safety and how the sounds or smell of gunpowder would affect your hypersensitive senses, pulled you close and she wrapped you in her cloak. You desperately grasped at the fabric of her red dress as she covered your ears in an attempt to make the loud booms easier for your insect senses to handle.

By the time it stopped and Eret let you go, there were shocked gasps and the egg... Had... Turned to crying obsidian? "You guys-" Bad had to take a breath through his maniacal laughter to wipe a tear, "You really thought you could defeat the egg? With TNT? After Quackity tried that, we took proper... Preparations. And we made it so that we wouldn't have to worry about TNT anymore, thank you very much!"

"I think you mean precautions..." You murmured quietly, curling in on yourself and hiding behind Eret slightly when you saw soulless white eyes glare in your directions.

"Shut up, (Y/n)." He huffed, and Eret had to physically stop Puffy from storming over and fighting the man in diamond armour with her bare hands, "Now, would you all please kindly make your way over here... We can begin the summary executions."

Shock flooded through your veins at how eagerly Bad hopped out of his chair them walked over to where the Egg, the crying obsidian fading away, and standing on a platform. There was a chorus of shocked cries and just cries in general as Bad waved his crossbow around, "What about the speeches man?!" Fundy growled, glaring at Bad as he tried to get you all to leave the table.

"Oh, that was all just to lull you into a false sense of security!" He responded with another crooked smile and a 'duh' tone, "You see, the egg needs something, and it's gonna get it from each of you. See, in order for the egg to hatch, it needs energy, and it gets that energy from people dying near it! And that's the role that you guys are gonna fill! We are gonna kill you one by one..."

"You're a monster..." Eret mumbled under their breath, holding your hand tightly, able to feel your racing heart from the pulse in your wrist. This had gone on long enough, sure, destroying everything on the server was one thing, but threatening not only their life, not only their friends' lives, but their lover's life as well! You only had two more before you were gone from this world forever... And by whatever gods were listening, they swore that they were going to protect those final two, even at the risk of their own life.

Bad turned his head, his twisted smile faltering slightly, "What was that, Eret? What did you say?" He leaned closer mockingly, to see if Eret really had the guts to repeat what was just said.

"You're an absolute monster," Eret repeated with a slight growl to his voice this time, taking a step closer to the corrupted man as a threat and also effectively blocking you from Bad's gaze, "How could you? We all trusted you, Bad."

"Trust?!" Ant spoke up for the first time that night, grinning almost like a Cheshire cat, "Okay, Eret... Keep talking. Keep talking about trust."

Sucking a breath through your gritted teeth, you cringed as Ant retorted with a verbal dagger, one he knew would hurt Eret deeply, and hurt her it did, "That was a long time ago!" You snapped immediately, stepping forwards to defend her which definitely caught everyone off guard. You were NOT about to let some egg puppets trash talk your lover, "She's changed!"

"You know what..." Bad hummed, almost comically tapping his finger to his lip before pointing at Eret, "I think, Eret, you would be a perfect person... To sacrifice first!"

Giving a cry of horror, you felt the red vines react to Bad's words and grab you and Eret, successfully yanking you away from each other despite your cries and struggles of protests. The large vines picked Eret up and brought them to the execution platform that Bad was standing on. The entire time, you were trying to run over to grab them, but the vines kept creating a wall and pushing you back, "No! No, no, no!" You screamed desperately, trying to reach out to the crown-wearing lover that was now being held on the platform by the very vines that were holding you back.

"Does anyone have anything?!" Foolish cried, quickly patting his pockets and looking around for anything, anything at all, to use as a weapon.

"I- We have no weapons!"

"No one has anything?! We literally can't do anything about this!"

Bad only chuckled, seeming to find amusement in everyone's distress, "Excellent, excellent, I really appreciate you guys following the directive and not bringing any weapons. That's very courteous of you." He turned towards Eret with his readied crossbow, gleefully ignoring your cries.

"We trusted you!" You yelled, throwing a useless punch at the wall of vines that blocked your way again, everyone roaring at the Eggpire in agreement with your statement.

"Well that was your first mistake," He chided in almost a playful manner, "Did you really think we were just going to stop trying to spread the egg's influence over the server, just because a couple people got mad at the vines? Like, come on. That's been the objective all along. It's been to hatch the egg. The egg wants power, and it's gonna get it."

His finger lightly began tapping at the trigger of his crossbow that had the bolt pointing to your lover's head, which caused a sob to escape past your lips as you finally had enough and finally flew into the air, expertly weaving past the red vines that tried to grab you out of the air. Quickly, you swooped down and reached out for Eret, but you felt something fly past your ear... Then suddenly, the king gave a cry of his own and you felt your flying balance get thrown off, causing you to begin to plummet towards the ground.

The horrified shrieks of your lover, mother figure and your friends rang through your ears as you quickly plummeted towards the earth as a result of gravity, only to be suddenly halted in mid-air which caused your crown to fall to the ground, completely wrapped in vines that clearly didn't care how badly they were bending your wings. You whined in pain at the tight grip, and looked over at your beloved butterfly features, only to give a sob of pain as you saw a large tear had sliced through your right (f/c) wing... "You... You bastard..." You hissed at the demon who came over and reloaded another bolt into his crossbow.

"You know, I think I like your energy more than your lover's." He cupped your chin in an almost loving fashion, causing Eret to immediately lash out and begin barking insults as well as threats. Unfortunately, her violence was ignored as the vines picked her up again, "Your unwavering loyalty, your love, your fierceness despite how fragile you are..."

"Get your hands away from them!" Puffy yelled, she and Foolish going to run to help you, but they were blocked off by the vines in the same way you once were, "For fucks sake Bad! Leave my child alone! They were just defending Eret, you know, their lover?!"

Bad only hummed as the vines lamely tossed Eret to the crowd of people, but thankfully he was caught by Foolish and Sam instead of hitting the ground but his crown hit the ground close to yours, breaking most of the rainbow coloured gems off, "I'm quite aware of their relationship, thank you, Puffy." He stepped back and the vines threw you to the ground on the execution platform, causing you to bounce off the nether bricks harshly before finally rolling into the centre.

Your head was spinning and your sight was blurry, but you still managed to hear the screams of terror from your friends, the begging from Puffy for Bad to leave you alone, and the sobs leaving Eret's throat as they cried out for you, "Monarch... (Y/N)!" They screamed, trying to run to you as well, but unsurprisingly they were held back as well.

It... was funny... You wanted to go to this party so badly... You begged Eret to come to this party, you spent weeks picking out your outfit... You were so excited...

And now here you were... Flightless and beyond concussed...

About to die...

"I love you..." You managed to whisper to Eret before Ant rose his enchanted sword... Then quickly lowering it, piercing through your chest...

"(Y/N)! NO!"

(Y/n) (L/n) was slain by Antfrost. Lives 1/3

[daimonhalos]

Appreciation post for the eggpire and more during the red banquet cause I'm not seeing enough love for how well they organized and delivered and because I'm so proud of cc!Bad for how far the Bloodvines arc has gone ♥ (this stuff is from Bad's vod btw)

Also something to cheer people up a bit in case the lore got u hard like it got me cause I'm still not okay bestie <3

The starting soon screen being an animation (with glitches to show another frame!!) plus the jazzy electro-swing soundtrack underneath. Just such a good intro, I felt like I was actually in the waiting line for an event, just awesome.

Ponk. Just Ponk, dapper man, handsome Ponk just standing there. Gorgeous, thank you, standing ovation, I love him.

Just everything Bad and Ant did with the building of the room, the stairs!! The coat room!!! The statues right in front of the table, everything looked SO pretty.

ANT MY BELOVED LOOKING HANDSOME AS ALWAYS I just loved all their outfits. The banquet's skins just SLAPPED HARD.

The little moment where Bad changed view of his character and we could see him, Ant and Ponk cwc

Bad singing >>>>>>>>>>

Everyone getting lost despite the oak signs

THE ARC ABOVE THE DANCEFLOOR, WHAT THE HELL YOO

Bad complimenting everyone on their outfits and giving out some gapples here and there

Bad also always repeating the same catchphrases

Sam just drinking copiously and the dumpy situation

People actually dancing + HBomb being the dj

Puffy walking around Bad to see his outfit and complimenting him, just felt like their old friendship cwc

FOOLISH GAVE BAD A FLOWER <3

Bad scolding George for not wearing an outfit (Sam's "his name is Gogy and he is beautiful")

"It's almost time for the feast. It's gonna be delicious." the foreshadowing

Everyone dancing together cwc

"minecraft dancing is speed squats" eret ilu

Bad and Ant complimenting moment ♥

The eggpire all on the same side of the table. Them

Ponk's little "Hello!" after Bad said he made the soup, plus everyone going "good job!!" just twt

When Bad started asking if anyone wanted to give a toast, I realized eventually that this was more of a disguised "Want to say your last words before death?" and it now sounds s o freaking cool. ye s

P O N K 'S S P E E C H

"you look beautiful right now" sam i will cry

When in the middle of his speech, Bad turns to Ant who's already looking at him, nods, Ant nods back, and as Bad turns around again we can see Ant walking away from his seat. I am OBSESSED with this scene, like you already know something is about to go down and oh gosh it was delivered so good

THE LAVA COMING DOWN FROM THE CEILING AS BAD KEPT TALKING, NONE NOTICING, HIM TALKING ABOUT HOW THE BANQUET WILL BE UNFORGETTABLE. SO HOT

"And yeah! Thank you for coming everybody" the little mischievous giggles right after "And prepare uh ... yep. Prepare to die." AND THEN HE FUCKIGN DRINKS FROM HIS GLASS LIKE COME ON YOU CANT BE ANY COOLER THAN THAT YOOO

"The leaf is staying the way it is" you can hear the laughter in his voice like HAH GOTTEM that's so good

Bad still giving Hbomb gapples cwc

"Where you looking for this perchance?" AND THEN EQUIPS THE ENTIRE ARMOR AND WEAPONS E Y E when the twists started dude. this si where the twists started and never ended

HANNAH CROSSING SIDES AND SIDING WITH THE EGGPIRE. QUEEN SHIT that was such a cool moment for her i'm so glad she's getting her moment

The eggpire laughing, just pure villainy, love them

"Time to get on the main event" the nonchalance. The way they equipped the crossbows and readied the arrows at the same time. B r u h fucking awesome they are

The eggpire faking being afraid when Sam was talking about blowing the egg up. Sad that we already knew about the obsidian thing, but still made it a very cool scene. Especially right after when they started laughing at them again. I don't know what it is about it but I love them being so sassy.

FREAKING EXECUTIONS THEY WORKED FOR MASS EXECUTIONS they were able to trap all those freaking people!! And trick them and counter attack all the time! what the fuck, I'm so impressed

Thank you Fundy for sounding super terrified /gen ♥

Wait ahah they really said EGGSECUTION-

THE EGG HATCHES THE EGG HATCHES THE EGG HATCHES im not saying IT but im saing Velvet

"Follow me! Follow me!" HANNAH SOUNDED SO ENTHUSIASTIC i love

"We trusted you!" "Well, that was your first mistake-" THE WAY BAD WAS ABOUT TO LAUGH. DUDE they definitely had so much fucking fun making this

sassyboyhalo

Foolish acting thank u ily. Also the thunder not working what the heck i wanna know what was going on inside his mind right then he sounded so lost. THE ACTING

"Sacrifice!" Hannah idk how to say this but I love you

ANT MOMENTTTT

When puffy called them selfish i was expecting bad to just do a huge double take. I wanted him to snap immediately PLEASE SNAP-

BAD DELIVERING AGAIN WITH THE AMAZING ACTING

"Not just for the egg but for what the egg is going to give us" he's so desperately trying to make them udnerstand it promised him his friend back he literally mentions it every single time but everyone calls him selfish because they think he wants power when he just wants skeppy's friendship back in this essay I will- Anyway yes I love that he never explicitly says it because it kills us viewers with pain cause we KNOW and then the reveal will be 100 times more powerful. This is so awesome

"I can't stop Quackity and you know why I can't stop. If I stop I can't get what I need." his voice grew so much lower like he's just holding back MAN I HH IT WAS SO GOOD

SECRET RETREAT ROOM YOOO

Ponk giving Bad some food and telling him to stay safe, Bad telling both Hannah and Ponk to stay safe too. My tears

And now the solo Bad lore part, where we actually see the true part of him that's absolutely devastated and makes me cry, the way he acted all confident and then saw everything crumble in a few seconds and now he's destroyed again because what if they find a way to destroy the egg what then? what if he never gets skeppy back? dude, you can just read his emotions it's so sad and i love how it was portrayed

"I know where I can go. I know who I can see!" BDI REF BDI REF FOR SURE I have a feeling that's going to be explained in the next lore stream with Skeppy and I'm so hype. I love the little crumbs of references here and there.

"But now they have it.." he sounded so broken??? bad your acting please ill cry

"I didn't really want to hurt anybody" his true self trying to get back cwc especially because he's farther away from the egg. I just love the transition between the guy Bad portrays who's so sure about the egg when it's in front of others and the doubts and anxiety he actually has when he's alone. Just so cool

"Did I screw up?" im just pointing out everything that moves me emotionally cause these people's acting is so cool

Ending the stream with simple black background my beloved

Okay but really I'm so so so proud of the ccs for making this happen and it's only going upwards, I'm literally so in awe, they really said go big or go home

Free space for Ant's villain speech I wasn't able to hear yet, but they said it was v cool, so I'm trusting people on this

Thank you for listening, stan Bloodvines arc /hj

If I made typos no I didn't

[stellocchia]

Today I’m departing from my normal analysis content to bring you all an Overly Long Analysis of Foolish’s lore!

Why? Because I love him dearly and that was literally the best thing that came out of the Red Banquet... 

Am I late to this? Yes, but, you know... better late then never, am I right?

As always from here on out I will be talking about the character in the rp unless stated otherwise

Sadly, Foolish does not have a vod channel, so the only link I can provide here is the twitch link: Death? - Dream SMP (LORE)

The stream starts with Foolish’s death scene at the Red Banquet. To be more exact, during Puffy’s and Ant’s discussion. 

Now, it’s important to give a bit of context to all of this: 

The Red Banquet was a trap organized by the Eggpire to kill anyone who ever opposed it (and Hbomb... which is fair). After a bunch of uno reverse scenes it looks like the Eggpire is winning and, at first, they call up Eret to be executed. Foolish opposes this by trying to summon lightning once again to destory the Egg, but this fails and Foolish is put on the chopping block instead. Puffy loudly opposes this as Foolish is her son (aopted or just son-figure? I’m not sure) and her and Ant get into a discussion about this where Ant blames her for everything that happened because she left the Eggpire, while she debates that, no, their actions are their own responsability and she was trying to do her best all the while Foolish tries to reassure Puffy that, indeed, it isn’t her fault. The debate then gets cut short by Ant executing Foolish.

Screen cuts to black and we hear the distorted voice of the Egg before Foolish comes back inside the green light of his beacon in his pyramid.

Now, I think that one of the most interesting things about this stream was the great weight given to the death, despite it being Foolish’s first one, but also the idea of Foolish, who is a God of life, formerly God of death, coming to the realization that even he is not immune to death and coming to the slow realization that he is now scared. In fact, he is terrified of dying, but that’s not all. He is also scared of the Egg and scared of going back to what he once was. Of course I’ll be talking more in depth about it, but this are the general themes of the stream: coming to terms with mortality, coming to terms with fears and confronting his past.

His first reactions to being back are confusion and then denial:

“Wha...? No... was that...? Is- did I...? Did I d...?” and right after “No. No no no no no. I’m immortal. No no no no no" 

Also, cool description of death: “It felt different, it was- I- I felt something, I was- I was somewhere, but it was- it was nowhere it was... it was dark but it wasn’t just nothing”

After his moment of disorientation is over Foolish remembers about the Baqnuet and immediately starts wondering what happened there and wether the other partecipants were still alive. His musings though get interrupted by the Egg who starts talking once again to him, this time though the Egg’s voice is not distorted, which could indicate the link between them getting stronger after part of Foolish’s life force went to feed the Egg.

“Where are you? I know that voice!” “I am in your mind” “No. No no no...” “I am in your soul” “No! no no no no. This is- this is just tricks, games. This is... something new” “It is not a dream” “Is this- is this the Egg?”

So, at first Foolish is still in denial, he recognizes the voice as he’s spoken with the Egg in the past, but he doesn’t admit that that’s who he is talking with until the Egg points out that everything that Foolish is experiencing is real. Which is interesting because, up until that moment, he was also fully in denial about his death and only start questioning that afterwards.

“Call me what you want, I have many names as you know but you’ve forgotten” “What do you mean? What do you mean? No no no no, I never heard of you before, wasn’t that long ago that I first met you. You’re something new, something that I’ve never met before”

Now, before jumping the gun and saying that Foolish is yet another member of the amnesiac gang, we have to remember that Foolish has: 1) lived a really long life and probably seen lots of things, forgetting something is normal and 2) Foolish seems to do an active effort to repress anything having to do with his past as a Totem of Death. The second one is what I want to focus on because the Egg seems to have known Foolish back when he was still covering that role, as it’ll be mentioned later. It is also possible that when Foolish and the Egg first met the Egg wasn’t in this form (after all we know that it does have another form) and Foolish simply fails to realize that the 2 are the same thing.

“I’m an ancient one, even more ancient then you”

We did have some idea of this with both “The Masquerade” and “The Village That Went Mad” from tftsmp alluding to it (the second one mostly through Ponk’s lore), but now we’ve had the confirmation that the Egg is indeed something that has existed for a long time (how powerful that makes it is debatable considering how the story has framed it thus far). 

“I’m not afraid of you! Even after all that I’m still... not afraid”

Denial seems to be Foolish’s first response to anything new he experiences. I’m sure someone smarter then me could draw some interesting parallels to Tubbo here, but that’s not me!

“Afraid... you are truly Foolish if you thought you were stronger then me... you should be afraid” “Maybe... maybe I had it wrong. Maybe I thought I was stronger... but I’m still here!”

The confident facade is starting to crumble, although he has yet to accept the fact that he has in fact died or that he may be truly afraid, some doubts are starting to creep in.

“Foolish, when we met you said you feared nothing, but now I can sense your fear Foolish” “No no” “You fear death itself” “No!” “Don’t you~?” 

The taunting continues and more of the facade keeps crumbling. It seems for once that the Egg is in fact capable of manipulation (which I started to doubt as it failed to corrupt most people it came in contact with). The Egg seems to know what are Foolish’s weak points at the very least.

“I know who you are, even though you have forgotten something of what you are”

After this premise Foolish challenges the Egg to tell him something only he would know. So first of all the Egg brings up Foolish’s secret room and ‘what he keeps in there’ and, at first, Foolish’s ponts out that the Egg could be lying, but then realizes that it is, in fact, in his head and starts to find a way to get rid of it. Later the Egg picks this up again revealing that it knows about the deal with Ranboo to try and stop Foolish from getting rid of it.

“You still think like you’re gonna get me to join your side? It’s not gonna happen!”

And here we get Foolish’s refusal and the actual motive for why the Egg is even talking to him in the first place. The Egg tries to convince him to join it by harping on that Foolish how he is now is “weak” and tries to convince him to go back to how he was before, when he was a Totem of Death. But, as I said, Foolish actively despises his past and he doesn’t bend to the promises of power because, as a matter of fact, he tried that already and it didn’t work for him. Foolish has no interest in power (he still desperately searches for control though) which is actually quite unique for a Dsmp character...

“I’ve tried ‘power’ in the past and it doesn’t work! It doesn’t work! You can’t just use overwhelming force, it works for... short-term at best” (...) “I can’t control the actions of the world through overwhelming power, it doesn’t work. It just doesn’t”

(Wish the dumbasses from Doomsday would learn this...)

Either way Foolish explains that strenght, power and violence didn’t work for him in the past because they simply can’t work. Not long term at least. All the while building provides him with a sense of control over his own creations satisfying both his desire for control and his desire to create.

“Deep down you miss the power you once held. Go back to being a Totem of Death and together we can rule and create peace. Peace is what you want, right Foolish?” “Yes but it doesn’t work that way! It doesn’t work that way! It’ll never work that way...”

After a few moments of hesitation their conversation draws to a close with Foolish bathing himself in the water from Church Prime, with a honestly iconinc line: “You know, and I mean this in the most polite way possible, go to Hell”. This is also when the facade he’s had to somewhat keep up until now completely crumbles. Suddenly he realizes that he is too late to help anyone and doesn’t even know if anyone is still alive at all. He also starts confronting the fact that he died and the implication of this being that he is mortal. He also confronts the fact that he is scared. 

“Did I really die?” “Why am I afraid of it?” “How can I live such a long life and be afraid of it to end?” “I don’t see beauty in mortality” “I can’t die, can I?” “Even if I could die, why am I so afraid?” “The answers... I just want answers!”

He doesn’t find answers to his panic induced questions but, then again, he is not supposed to. Death doesn’t have a meaning, it’s just a function of life, nothing lasts forever. The same goes with fear. Even if in this case it is far from 

inexplicable for him to be afraid of the Egg or of dying (as one was the direct cause of the other in his case), fear is still an emotion. Emotions aren’t rational by definition. Basically what I’m saying is that there aren’t always answers to be had. Sometimes questions are meant to remain as such and that’s what makes them meaningful.

“Every time I thought I knew the Egg, every time I though I understood, I never had it right? Was I arrogant about it the whole time?”

He also seems to have developed a level of paranoia about the Egg, wondering how much it knew, how many people knew about his stuff, if he is safe anywhere or if the Egg was right about him and what he wanted. He also starts questioning his own perception of reality and wondering if the Banquet itself was just an illusion created by the Egg.

It’s also interesting that Foolish remains of the opinion that no-one in the Eggpire is at fault. No matter what happens to him he still sees the Egg as a sort of infection and all those under it’s control as victims just as much as anyone else the Egg harms. 

(Also the sun is used once more as a simbol of hope, though Foolish describes it as “cruel” because it disappears)

The stream ends with Foolish promising to himself that he’ll figure things out. Though, as I said before, sometimes the point of a question is to not have an answer.

[thebibliomancer]

Essential Avengers: Avengers #230: THE LAST FAREWELL!

April, 1983

“Yellowjacket no more!”

Aw, dang! Hank got raptured!

Captain America, Thor, and Hawkeye is a weird collection of characters to be staring forlornly at the empty Yellowjacket uniform.

Thor hasn’t really expressed much about the Yellowjacket situation in comparison. You think they could squeeze Wasp into the shot. Just her ex-husband is all. She’s just the team leader is all.

Put Wasp on the cover, you cowards.

So last times on Avengers: Hank Pym got himself kicked out of the Avengers and out of his marriage and pretty much deserved it. He was tricked into committing treason by his arch-nemesis Egghead and sent to jail. He sat in jail for, like, a really long time. The wheels really spun on the arc.

He was kicked out of the Avengers/walked before he could be kicked out in #213. He was arrested at the end of issue #217. His trial was in issue #228.

He was kidnapped from his trial by the Masters of Evil. Then in #229, he turned the tables on them all in quite a satisfying manner and slugged Egghead in the egg head.

Then Hawkeye manslaughtered him. He’s dead.

Hawkeye arrowed the science gun to stop Egghead from shooting Hank in the back and then the science gun backfired and microwaved that egg.

This makes Hank’s victory a little bittersweet for him.

Hank Pym: “I defeated the Masters of Evil single-handed... but more than anything, I wanted to bring Egghead to justice. He was a thorn in my side for so many years. I was never able to defeat him for long, not when I was Ant-Man... and not even after I became Giant-Man! He bedeviled me in every identity I assumed. He did me the greatest wrong when I was Yellowjacket. I’d already ruined my Avengers career, when he tricked me into committing a federal crime!”

Hawkeye too is set to thinking by what happened. Maybe humming a bit of Bohemian Rhapsody to himself too.

Hawkeye: “This is unreal! I’ve never killed a man before! I never planned on anything like this happening! Yeah, but I can’t feel sorry for Egghead! If anyone deserved this, he did! My brother Barney bought the farm, stopping Egghead from killing the Avengers. And if I hadn’t acted when I did, Hank Pym would be dead! If I had to do it again... I would!”

Hawkeye: ‘Eh, fuck ‘em!’

hah.

But Hank laments that with Egghead dead, so goes his chance of proving his innocence by turning him over to the law.

Hank Pym: “Egghead was always getting away from me, Hawkeye. It’s almost as if he’s pulled the ultimate escape!”

Fun fact: There doesn’t seem to be an Ultimate Egghead! Why would there need to be? Even more than in the 616, Ultimate Hank Pym is by far his own worst enemy.

Hawkeye basically tells Hank to buck up and that there’s basically incriminating evidence lying all over the place.

He doesn’t say it but even Egghead’s dead deceased corpse is kind of like evidence. Evidence that he wasn’t dead until recently.

Captain Marvel shows up because someone finally came looking for Hawkeye.

Hank is surprised, much like others have been that this is Captain Marvel. He knew the old guy, the super saiyan. And I guess he didn’t hear there was a new one.

Hawkeye: “We’ve had a few changes since you went in the slammer, Hank. C.M. is an Avenger in training.”

Huh. Captain Marvel doesn’t even react to the dead body. Then again, there’s a lot of bodies lying all around the place.

And while Hawkeye is introducing the new Captain Marvel to Hank, one of those bodies stirs.

Moonstone has regained consciousness and assesses the situation. She could blast Hank, Captain Marvel, and Hawkeye with her coherent light pew pew but that’d just weaken her.

Like in the previous issue, Moonstone is one of the few supervillains who knows when to fold ‘em.

So she decides to skeedaddle while the getting is good but whoops.

Getting wasn’t good.

The rest of the Avengers have shown up and cornered her while she was pondering.

So Moonstone decides ‘eh fuck it’ and promises to spill all the beans if it gets her a lighter sentence.

So days later, the mostly off-screen trial of Hank Pym finally ends.

A loooot of new evidence suddenly popping up led the prosecution to withdraw all charges.

The lead prosecution witness, Trish Starr, suddenly reversing her testimony after putting on Tony Stark’s magical mental-scan helmet kind of tanked the case, really.

Wait, they really did just admit the use of the helmet in the trial when its new, unsubstantiated technology whose inventor disappeared?

Damn, I knew the Marvel legal system was wild (considering comic books as legal documents as explored in Dan Slott’s run on the character) but still!

Although it makes sense. Egghead got Trish to incriminate Hank by using the bionic arm to alter her memories. The helmet Tony invented undoes that kind of alteration. This connects the dots quite reasonably. Glad Stern was paying attention when preparing to finish this arc.

Moonstone and Beetle confirming that Egghead was using Hank as a tool also helps.

In fact, not only did the prosecution drop all their charges, the judge also dismissed all the charges. Which feels redundant? I dunno much about law, really. Just the She-Hulk version of law. Which, again, uses comic books as legal documents.

Apparently happening at around the same time, Hawkeye also had his day in court.

Literally a day.

It wasn’t a trial, just a hearing to investigate whether he was guilty of wrong-doing in the death of Egghead.

Newsman with a newsplan: “Though he was threatened with contempt-of-court charges a number of times -- Hawkeye was found innocent of any wrong-doing in the death of Dr. Elihas Starr -- the self-styled Egghead.”

Yeah, I bet Hawkeye was threatened with contempt-of-court a bunch. And I bet you anything that at least one of the times he rejoined with “No, you’re out of order! This whole damn courtroom is out of order!”

And then the judge probably just sighed.

I mean, look at that unbelievable Hawkeye in the bottom left panel.

Anyway, I think Stern must have felt a little pent up having to start his Avengers run finishing off someone else’s story, especially having to devote a recap issue to it since the plot had been interspersed with fill-ins.

Because in the middle of concluding this arc, he throws in two plot beats that I have to assume are to set up stuff of his own.

A day after the trial, the Beetle is being escorted to a cell in a Western Pennsylvanian federal maximum security prison when he bumps into another prisoner.

What neither the Beetle or the guard notices is that the bump to “Sam Smithers” has peeled off some skin on his arm and revealed THAT HE IS ACTUALLY MADE OF WOOD!

Suspect possibly a living puppet.

And elsewhere but samewhen, IN SPACE, specifically on Saturn’s moon Titan, Thanos’ brother Eros is basically complaining about being bored.

When Captain Mar-vell died of having a lot of cancer, he asked Eros to look after Mar-vell’s... uh... -google- robot girlfriend?? Elysius.

Eventual mom to Genis and Phyla-Vells.

Soooooo, Eros has done as Mar-vell’s deathbed wish was and spent an agonizing several consecutive months hanging out in Titan’s beautiful inside forests and just having a real hard time caring about one thing for such a long period of time.

I’m not even being unfair to him.

Eros: “This is the first time in ages that I’ve spent so many consecutive months on Titan! I have ever been a wanderer! I’ve sought out adventure across the wide cosmos. Frankly, I have known romance on more worlds than most sentient beings could imagine. That’s part of the problem. Our friendship has been wonderful, but I’m having a hard time adjusting to it. My previous relationships have all been of a fleeting nature.”

‘Look its not you, its me’ except for attempting to dump someone as a friend, instead of romantically.

Not dump, even. He just kind of wants to ditch her and is asking in a roundabout way if she’s emotionally stable enough to ditch.

She goes, yeah sure, go off and have fun. And maybe she’s getting tired of his company too.

Elysius: “Look... you’ve been a great comfort to me these last few months, but now I need to be alone for a while with my thoughts.”

Geez, how clingy has he been this whole time while desperately wanting to be anywhere else?

Anyway, since she’s fine with him fucking off, he does fuck off. Right to the Hall of Science.

Where Eros’ dad is like ‘oh ffs’ when Eros tells him that he needs to use the LIVING COMPUTER Isaac to look up planets with the highest adventure potential.

Mentor of Titan is a man deeply disappointed in both of his sons for very different reasons.

Anyway, would you really be surprised if I told you that Earth was in the Top 3 planets in known space for adventure?

You wouldn’t, right?

Meanwhile, back at the plot, Hank Pym is on a boat with Trish Starr.

She wants to apologize for that time she incriminated him but Hank isn’t going to blame her for being as much a pawn in Egghead’s scheme as he was.

Trish: “Yes, uncle was like that all of his life. I think he really enjoyed using people.”

And she remembers the first time they met in Marvel Feature #5, where Egghead tried to drain her mind to power his machines. Because. Batteries hadn’t been invented? Because he’s just not happy unless he’s screwing over someone else?

Second one sounds likeliest.

She also remembers the time he car bombed her car but siphoned out most of the gas first.

Trish: “He didn’t want to kill me... only maim me. Nice guy, my uncle.”

Yeah. Its stories like that why its only Trish and Hank also Fred Sloan on a boat at Egghead’s funeral. Yeah, by the way, this is basically Egghead’s funeral.

Fred is only here for Trish.

Hank reacts to Fred so I wondered if he’s important in some way or if Hank recognized him but I checked the wiki and his main importance seems to be... this issue? So I don’t know why Hank reacts to the guy.

So Fred is just here for Trish. Trish is here out of duty, since she was Egghead’s only known family. And Hank is also only here out of duty but more archnemesis ‘can’t believe that asshole is dead and I don’t even get to feel good about it’ duty. I assume.

Hank even gets the honor (?) of laying Egghead to rest. By dumping his ashes into New York harbor.

Mostly because it doesn’t seem like Trish wants to?

So Hank quotes some Mark Twain and dumps the ashes.

Hank Pym: “‘Death... the only immortal who treats us all alike, whose pity and whose peace and whose refuge are for all -- the soiled and the pure, the rich and the poor, the loved and the unloved.’ Farewell, Egghead.”

Trish: “It’s awful to say this -- but I can’t find it in myself to be sorry. I think I’m glad he’s dead.”

And that’s Egghead’s legacy. Mourned by no one. And his death is only not cheered because the only people that cared feel shitty about feeling glad he’s dead.

ANYWAY, there’s some other loose ends to tie up.

So Hank takes a taxi to the Avengers Mansion and I guess finally explicitly explains why the mansion has seemed to change positions over time?

Hank Pym: “I never thought I’d be coming here again. The place has certainly changed since the day Jan and I met here with Iron Man, Thor, and the Hulk to draft the Avengers charter and by-laws. And I still recall the time Iron Man and Thor moved the mansion back from the street to give us more privacy. What a project that was!”

Sounds like a heck of a noodle incident, Hank.

... Why just Thor and Iron Man? Did they... did they literally just shove the mansion back from the street? ... There’s... basements and caves under there. How does that work? That seems like a massive architectural project.

Hank, pls, I need to know more details. You can’t just drop that information and casually stroll away. HANK!

Captain Marvel meets Hank at the door and escorts him inside, captain marveling at how calm Hank is despite everything he’s been through.

Hank shows up to the Avengers meeting and-

Oh god, She-Hulk looks like she wants to punch the suppressed emotions right out of Jan. She-Hulk, pls.

So, Wasp is super formal, calling Hank Dr. Pym and telling him that they want to use the mento-scan helmet to see if he was under outside influence when he did all the very bad things he did.

All of the Avengers are harboring their own concerns.

She-Hulk: “I’ve read legal briefs that were more informal! She’s cool on the surface, but inside -- ! Jannie, why are you doing this to yourself?!”

Are you guys already at the cute nickname stage of your friendship or is that just the way She-Hulk be?

Cap is worried that this is rough on Jan but that she’s doing what she needs to do as the Avengers chairwoman. But he’s more worried about the absence of Iron Man who is still missing and who ignored three calls to assemble.

Thor is just internally like ‘just do the helmet, my dude.’

Hawkeye is literally biting his lip at the tension.

Hawkeye: “Jan divorced Hank after his last breakdown. If we find out that he wasn’t to blame, what’s it gonna do to the both of ‘em? I hate this! That stupid court hearing was a breeze in comparison.”

Huh, Hawkeye has a point. Even if outside influence is proven, its not as straightforward as Jan and Hank instantly getting back together, no harm no foul. There was harm. And the problems with their relationship were deeper than one incident. But it would also create this possible expectation that they should get back together because the specific incident wasn’t Hank’s fault.

And Captain Marvel is still looking at this from an outsiders’ perspective.

Captain Marvel: “They’re really hurting over this... all of them! They all care so very, very much. If I ever become a fully active Avenger, I pray that I can live up to their example.”

So Hank very calmly agrees to use the helmet. But...

Hank Pym: “Sorry... no outside influences. It would have changed a lot of things if there had been, wouldn’t it? But no, I made my own mistakes... and I have to live with them.”

Thiiiiis was the best decision for the story arc. It may seem, in retrospect, the worst decision in the long run, but I can respect the story for standing by what it has done and standing by the growth Hank has had as a result of everything that happened.

I think a lot of more modern marvel comics have gone a little wild with letting the heroes do all kinds of dubious things and also die because it can be easily undone. It was a Skrull, they were being mind-controlled, it was an AU Nazi version of them created by a cosmic cube child. Or by giving the hero some big redemptive moment like Iron Man wiping his mind to make up for doing Civil War. Or Iron Man dying to make up for Civil War 2. You can explore whatever scenarios you want without worrying about dealing with the consequences long-term.

But in this era of Marvel, they were concerned with the long-term. Not to say that there weren’t cop-outs back in this day too. But since books were expected to keep going indefinitely instead of being cancelled and relaunched, there’s less of a sense of ‘this thing is only here to play with for a little while.’ If you wrote a thing, another writer was expected to follow up on it.

And I miss that a little.

So not giving a cop-out bullshit thing that undoes Hank’s actions was bad in the long run for his image as a character. But that’s a long way from now problem, exacerbated by writers like Chuck Austin and Mark Millar who wanted to wallow in it.

For an arc where Hank fell from grace and proved himself again, taking ownership of what a garbage fire his life can be was necessary.

One among many reasons I probably won’t like the Crossing when I get to it, haha.

With Hank’s actions proven as being Hank’s actions, Hank says there’s one more loose end that he wants to help tie off.

He wants to participate as witness when the Avengers hold a court of inquiry for Hawkeye killing Egghead.

This comes as an absolute surprise to Hawkeye, who I guess never read the bylaws. Which honestly, is very in-character for him.

But it being brought up, he insists that all he has to do is enter the findings of the state judge and be done with it.

Hank insists he participate though.

Hank Pym: “Hawkeye is faced with charges because he acted in my defense. It’s only right that I act in his.”

So, the Avengers go to the first floor library, which is apparently the court of inquiry room. I feel like we’re suddenly getting a lot of details about the layout of the Avengers Mansion in recent issues.

So Wasp convenes the court all formal style, so formal style that Hawkeye thinks that stickler Cap(tain America) couldn’t have done a better job. The purpose of the court of inquiry is to determine the validity of the charge of “unreasonable use of deadly force” and determine what if any proper disciplinary action should be taken.

I think Hawkeye is annoyed at having to go through with this (read the bylaws, my dude) because when Wasp asks if he has anything to add to his claim of innocence of the charge, he says he already gave the court copies of the court transcript that cleared him of the same charge, but also decides to speechify a little, because he wasn’t accused of contempt of court enough today.

Hawkeye: “I have already given the chair copies of the transcript of a hearing of the state courts... a hearing which found me not guilty of the same charge. And I have something else to say as well!”

“I don’t deny that my actions caused the death of Egghead. But in no way did I use undue force! I found Hank Pym in mortal danger, and I used the necessary means to save him... period. After all, we are supposed to be the Avengers, right?”

Luckily for Hawkeye, the Avengers are more willing to put up with him than a state court so Jan just goes ‘ok, noted.’

Captain Marvel also has a minor change of heart on Hawkeye. I don’t think we’ve gotten her in-depth feelings on him before (although he did get pissy about her joining the team, we didn’t see her response to that) but she’s impressed because she thought he had more wind than conviction but is seeing that isn’t so. And she’s also impressed by Serious Mode Jan who she thought was kind of flighty.

Captain Monica Marvel seeing all kinds of new sides of the Avengers lately.

Also, this isn’t important and you won’t be able to see what I mean unless I included more caps than I wanted to, but in the panel establishing the court of inquiry, Monica is just standing off to the side. But in the next panel she appears in, she’s moved over to sit on a couch instead.

I think its a framing thing but its still kind of funny to imagine her going ‘wait why am I standing up’ and heading for the comfy couch.

With Hawkeye’s statement given, Wasp invites Hank Pym to speak his piece.

And Hank gets up and gives an entirely unnecessary but probably appreciated defense of Hawkeye.

Hank Pym: “Ladies and gentlemen... I have not always been on the friendliest of terms with Hawkeye. Point of fact, we nearly came to blows a number of times... back in the days when I was an Avenger. But in all the time I’ve known him, Hawkeye has never used undue force.”

“I realize that this inquiry is little more than a formality. I have no doubt that you will find in his behalf. He did, as he said, act only in my defense. Unlike my own recent case before you, there is not the slightest hint of misconduct or negligence. The only thing Hawkeye is guilty of is being a good Avenger.”

“When I last spoke before this body, at my court-martial, I was not in a rational state of mind. I was unfit to be an Avenger. You wisely expelled me. I never expected to speak before you again. And now, I can think of no finer final statement than this... It has been my sincere honor to have known Hawkeye’s fellowship... as it has to have known yours.”

Okay. So. Half a defense of Hawkeye. And half... just a general good-bye and a demonstration that he actually does know how to deliver a defense at a court-martial. Cool.

I imagine if he had a mic, he would have dropped it.

Probably not, actually. Hank isn’t that exact blend of cool and inconsiderate for a mic drop.

Jarvis intercepts Hank on his way out and asks that he come with him to the second floor study. Jarvis has taken the liberty of gathering up the personal items Hank just kind of left in the mansion and packing them for him.

One suitcase has a bunch of Hank’s clothes that he had stashed in the mansion over the years. Including some wacky ties for wacky tie Fridays and a shirt that Hank had just plumb lost.

The other suitcase is a spare Yellowjacket outfit. In case Hank ever needs it.

Then Hank and Jarvis shake hands, Hank thanking Jarvis for everything that he’s done for him and the Avengers. He asks Jarvis to take care of himself because he knows he doesn’t have to ask him to take care of the Avengers.

This is a very touching scene. Its so touching that Jarvis excuses himself to go get misty eyed.

This is a Jarvis appreciation blog because I appreciate Jarvis as well.

Then, as Hank heads back down the staircase, he is intercepted by Thor, Captain America, and Hawkeye.

Yeah, the court of inquiry resolved off-screen because of how forgone a conclusion it was.

The three Avengers basically fall all over themselves to pat Hank on the back. Hank actually looks somewhat panicked by the positive affirmation.

That’s some mixture of funny and sad that I can’t identify.

Hawkeye tells Hank how much he appreciated his unnecessary defense. Thor clasps Hank’s shoulder and tells him he’s a class act, but in Thor-y words. And Cap extends an offer for whatever the Avengers can do to help Hank get back on his feet.

Hank thanks him for the offer but he’s already received an offer from a small research foundation in the Midwest.

Seems like getting exonerated of a treason charge is the best resume of all. That and Hank’s actual impressive resume.

But Cap has some stuff to work out re: Hank because he starts off on the stuff he put on the back burner back in that Ghost Rider issue.

Cap(tain America): “Hank... I know Iron Man would agree, if he were here, that we’re all sorry about the way things worked out. We should have realized the pressures you’d been under, prior to your breakdown. I was group leader at the time! I should have -- !”

Hank Pym: “Hold it right there, Cap! What I did, I did to myself! If I could have admitted that my problems existed... If I’d been willing to open up to you folks... Well, ‘if’ can be a big word sometimes. The fact of the matter is, I screwed up. And you did the only thing you could do! I don’t blame any of you.”

Hank has boarded the personal responsibility train and goddammit he’s riding it to the end of the line!

Good for him. Good clarity for the arc to have in its last issue.

But having started to slightly shout at the Avengers that he’s taking responsibility dammit! (he looks a bit pissed when he’s responding to Cap) Hank awkwardly excuses himself.

Cap tries to stop Hank from leaving because he has reached the bargaining stage of grief, I guess.

Cap: “Hank, wait! It doesn’t have to end like this! We could make a special amendment to the by-laws! We could reinstate you as an Avenger! You could be a special reservist -- !”

Hank: “Thanks, Cap. But no thanks. Trying to play super hero was the biggest mistake I ever made with my life! I was only fooling myself in ever thinking otherwise. But if you ever really think you might need a Yellowjacket again some day...”

He hands Cap the Yellowjacket suitcase.

Hank: “... Here! All you need is a good man and what’s in this case!”

I would hope, anyway. It’s going to be awkward if he opens it up later and its full of wacky ties.

The funny thing, although not really funny ha ha, is that Yellowjacket is the one codename of Hank’s that never really catches on outside of him.

You have multiple Ant-Men, a couple Goliaths, at least one other Giant-Man. There was a second Yellowjacket, eventually. But she didn’t make a big splash.

Despite Hank’s attempt here to pass the torch, Yellowjacket is a codename that remains inextricably tied to him. Which might be the problem. If there were another, more successful or at least more endearing Yellowjacket, Hank’s infamy in the role would not stand out so much.

Alas.

She-Hulk and Captain Marvel try next to intercept Hank. They don’t know him very well but they wanted to say their goodbyes too, despite not really knowing him that well.

Its the thought that definitely counts, probably.

But Hawkeye has some social awareness for a change and draws their attention to Wasp who is hanging back, but who clearly wants to talk to Hank.

So the rest of the Avengers quickly vacate to let Hank and Jan finally have closure. Or re-closure. “I want a divorce and to never see you again” is a kind of closure.

The situation has changed, however.

They both try to apologize to each other and then laugh at the awkwardness.

Hank: “Janet van Dyne, you are one in a million! After all that I put you through, you want to tell me that you’re sorry?”

Wasp: “I think we both made some mistakes along the way, but there were some good times... weren’t there?”

Hank: “Yes. But you can’t base a marriage on just a few good times. I fell for the young lady who reminded me of my first wife... and you thought you’d found the strong, silent hero. But I was never that strong, Jan. You know that now.”

Wasp: “Uh-huh.”

Damn, his prison time really did bring Hank a lot of clarity. That or the pile of therapists Tony kept throwing at him.

Hank also kind of talks over Jan here. Or at least steers the conversation. I don’t know what Jan would have said because Hank tells her that they both have other lives to lead and tells her to take care of herself.

Maybe its for the best, if, like Cap, she was going to try to shoulder all the blame for Hank’s bad decisions.

Hank walks out the door and finds Trish and Fred from the boat waiting to give him a ride to the airport. And then he is gone.

Like in the final image of the COURT-MARTIAL issue, Jan watches at the window.

“The last time Henry Pym left these walls, Janet felt like crying... but couldn’t find any tears. Today, at last, she has found the tears... for her former husband... for her team... for herself. Today, there is pain and remorse and release. There will be time enough for joy and hope tomorrow.”

Emotional catharsis can be like that.

In that the book kept going ‘Jan is really holding her emotions in and that’s probably not overall great for her’ its good that she can let it out now.

Kind of laughing at Captain Marvel and She-Hulk who only recently just met Jan being the ones going there there while the men she has known for years are just awkwardly standing in the background.

And that’s the fall and rise of Hank Pym. Apparently collected in trade as The Trial of Yellowjacket, which is a decent enough name too.

Overall, a good arc. That is kind of hampered by the need for filler and a writer change near the end. But honestly, Stern catches the ball and runs with it. He concludes the arc just as good as Shooter would’ve.

This arc is all kinds of iconic for Hank, although, unfortunately, most people are only aware of the beginning and maybe have a hazy understanding of what the ending does.

Although. This is a really good send-off for Hank. A really, really good send-off that would have worked best if he did like he said and quit superheroing forever.

That’s not to be, obviously, not in a perpetual narrative machine like Marvel. But it feels like it could have been and maybe should have been the last word on his character.

I enjoy Hank in Busiek’s Avengers and in Avengers Academy. And also, conceptually, Hank telling Reed “it’s on, bitch.” I very don’t enjoy Ultimate Hank Pym. So its a balancing act. The perfect exit for the character vs but I like some stuff when they brought him back.

Anyway.

After this, Stern gets to move on to his own material. Which he already planted the seeds for in this issue.

That’s a pun.

Follow @essential-avengers​ because of my bad puns. Also like and reblog, if you like to reblog.

[blundergato]

ive finished the chimera ant arc in HxH

christ that was LONG. just for reference, this arc is long as the ENTIRETY of the namek saga from the original 291 episode run of DBZ, from right before they landed on namek to after freeza’s death and the beginning of the garlic jr saga.

this one arc is actually longer than the first 3 arcs of HxH combined.

now, the namek saga is often maligned for being pretty f**kin’ long and it is, especially since the original run has a metric shitload of filler. but also, A LOT of shit happens in that arc, from the dragon ball chase, to the ginyu force, to the desperate battle with freeza to the unveiling of the legendary super saiyan. theres actually quite a bit going on.

the chimera ant arc has no filler but also moves at an ungodly slow pace. the arc would hit you with some intense moments, then immediately slow to a crawl for a few episodes the worst offenders being when the show took 4 episodes to explain what happened in a 2 minute window to the incredibly annoying hide and seek game that lasted a couple of episodes that happened AFTER maybe the big emotional moment of the arc involving gon. 

outside of the slow pace of things...honestly not that much happens in the arc after the initial wave. its like a ton of setup leading to a lot of really boring nonsense sprinkled with some good payoff.

spoilers

the good: 

Neferpitou - what an incredible villain. their introduction may go down as one of my favorite villain intros ever. thats one of the few times i actually felt stressed out over a villains debut. they truly felt menacing. unfortunately, they get kind of squandered during the big battle before being fed to Gon’s character moment. kind of sucks, but, damn they were good.

Reina - Hated watching those deaths, but the final episode reunion hit me harder than anything else in this arc. I legit shed some tears.

Morel and Knuckle- The guy who controls smoke rules and his powers are f**kin’ awesome. he also ends up kind of doing f**k all during the big battle though. Same goes for Knuckle, but Knuckle is a great character

Kite - Kite was cool as hell.

BISCUIT KREUGER - she wasnt in it for very long, but shes one of my favorites so im putting her here.

KOMUGI - what a fantastic character. didn’t really make me care about meruem that much, but she was awesome.

the sorta meh:

Gon and Killua - it sort of felt like Gon and Killua took a backseat to everything else. Killua had his character moment which was decent, but also felt completely disconnected from the rest of the arc. Gon had his one really big moment, but even that was kind of whatever to me. I sort of enjoyed the emotional context behind it but it felt pretty extreme too. like it was Super Saiyan 2 Gohans personality change ramped up by a factor of 10.

the sucky:

The other 2 royal guards - These guys just sucked and I honestly thought they were really boring. they had bad designs and corny personalities. unfortunately, despite neferpitou being 100x more interesting both design wise and personality wise than these goofballs, these 2 got WAY more screen time and dialogue. they were a huge waste of time.

meruem - this guy sucked. his design was goofy and he was goofy. the scenes with komugi were cool but thats like 80% on komugi being so likable. meruem had the personality of cardboard and his ultimate character development was “uh, maybe some people are worth keeping alive and maybe i shouldnt kill kids and eat their brains.” at least the final scene with him and komugi was well done.

the minor chimera ants - i skipped through large portions of this garbage because i did not care. some of it was decent to good but they spent WAY too much time on some of these idiots only for them to get killed off within seconds.

ponzu’s death - this death was overly gratuitous for no reason. some might argue that it was to show the brutality of the ants, but literally we have seen them kill and eat people by this point. this death was disturbing and it led to absolutely nothing. i might also put pokkle’s death here too because it was maybe the most brutal death of the series, but it was used to show how ungodly evil neferpitou was.

meruem vs the old man - this fight was kind of trash and the ending to it was also trash. it came out of left field just for the purpose of being “LOL HUMANS ARE BAD TOO, GET IT?!” neteru’s powers were REALLY cool, but ultimately pointless. 

most of the fights - none of the fights were very good and most of them felt like padding or led to nothing. the characters plans for battle didnt work and the only reason they won was because someone nuked himself and the bad guys died of radiation poisoning. the fights were just there to waste time and they went on for FAR too long.

the narrator - i read that some people liked the narrator EXPLAINING 80% OF WHATS HAPPENING ON SCREEN but i hated it and found it extremely irritating. almost nothing on screen was complicated enough to warrant so much explanation. it was like xenogears disc 2 but instead of an overly complicated plot about religion and identity throughout time, it was a simplistic plot about what it means to be human or whatever.

[bscully]

I see a lot of people praise caska for being an amazing female character but I kinda feel like she’s written like a bad joke about women (looses battle because period, too emotional, told her role is to comfort guts, etc...) she doesn’t get much time to really shine as a fighter either bc she’s constantly being saved of course I love her and will always defend her but do u think she’s actually written well as a girl? I feel like I’d be lying if I praised her for it

Hello and thanks for the ask!

No offense but I mean…

Let’s put it into perspective. There is a reason why Casca during the Golden Age was written the way she was, and I don’t think it’s necessarily bad writing. Some (questionable) views about women were expressed that way, but I’d like to think that’s more because of the time the Golden Age was written in, rather than because of malicious intent.

During the Black Swordsman Arc we were shown how Guts handled those who were weak: He absolutely detested them.

During the Golden Age we were shown how he dealt with other’s weakness (Casca’s) and also *why* he hated the weak during his Black Swordsman Arc days: During the Eclipse, the Hawks all died because they were weak, and Casca was violated and lost her mind because she could not defend herself either. (The irony of this is that both of these things all happened because of his best efforts to save Griffith, boyo was too distracted)

Black Swordsman Arc

Guts generally was very contempt towards those he considered weak, and also especially towards other men, e.g. Vargas whom he just let die. Another time someone weaker than him died, it was the priests’ daughter, who was slaughtered by evil spirits. He also felt remorse killing her possessed body, even then and also vomits later on (he always vomits when he hurts a child or girl, see Adonis, see killing the fire children in the lost children chapters). In the page below, bottom panel, you can see white sprinkles which I believe are tears.

He then goes on to say how he cannot bother to crush ants below his feet when he walks. That was his way of dealing with the sadness, getting someone who is weaker than him killed because of him. His love-hate relationship to weaker people was also shown to us by his interactions with Theresia: in some way, he did save her here from falling off the ruins. But she had to hold onto a sharp blade so she wouldn’t fall.

Guts was hurting someone who he would love to protect, and he also hated himself for it. He made Theresia go down the very same path like he did because revenge is the only way to give her something to hold onto after losing everything.

It reminded of his own suffering, losing the Hawks and Casca. At least, this is the conclusion I made when I read the Golden Age and then look back to the Black Swordsman arc.

Golden Age

When Casca was later introduced during the Golden age, IMO Kentaro Miura wanted to show us how Guts usually treated people. As it turns out, Guts does want to protect and make sure people are safe. He also listens to them trying his best to meet their expectations. In other words, he was not always an asshole. In regards to other people’s weaknesses, his treatment of Casca was still rough in the beginning, but at the very least imo, well-intentioned.

Now you can critique Miura for his display of Casca’s womanhood. I am personally not particularly bothered by it, especially if this situation is a set up for romance in the first place. Of course the protagonist is going to take note of another character’s feminity if the author plans to hook them up. Guts was confronted with Casca’s female problems (periods) and what we were shown is that Guts, while he may have had his preconceptions about women too, still is understanding of their struggles AND their weakness.

Like… he first gets upset at Casca, but then acknowledges that she doesn’t have it easy, dealing with her own problems and emotions at times (Casca is a VERY emotional personality, too, but usually she has more self-control than this).

If anything, this bit right here displays Guts’ willingness to change his mind, his capacity to understand others and also help them in the process. Empathy, compassion, y’know? Something he lacked during the Black Swordsman Arc (this here happens right before Vargas is being beheaded):

That being said, I don’t think Miura actually thought that women being emotional is a negative thing when he wrote this, but he may have been affected by negative (cultural?) bias.

In the face of that weakness, Guts tries to help Casca out where he can and be supportive of her, e.g. by protecting her from Adon and his men - the 100 Man slayer scene was basically Guts protecting Casca’s womanhood from thirsty mercenaries, while she COULD NOT defend herself as effective because of her state (and he does that DESPITE of Casca throwing a knife at him earlier). This theme also repeats during the Eclipse, however, here he could do nothing but watch in his own helplessness.

Also let it be said that Miura’s potrayal of Casca’s period isn’t too far off, because periods CAN knock you the fuck out like that. My last one was absolutely devastating and I wouldn’t have survived without taking pain meds. So can periods affect your capacity to fight? Yes, they definitely can. You also gotta consider that Miura is male, and males *usually* do not know the effects of periods in detail unless they confronted themselves with it; also consider the Golden Age was written in the 90s, so that topic wasn’t prevalent for men at all.

Contrast & Comparison as writing tool

Miura also set up a nice contrast by adding in a particularly sexist character: of course I’m talking about Adon.

Adon calls Guts a fool for protecting someone at the cost of his own well-being, and the way he talks it’s like saving multiple women and exploit them is normal and acceptable.

But: Guts is literally taking multiple arrow shots for Casca and does not ask for anything in return. (It’s also interesting to note that through Adon’s mockery Casca realizes what Guts is doing for her) Now, you could argue that Guts is still a sexist asshole, however, at least in comparison to Adon, Guts still appears like the good guy  You can critique the ideas about women, how their prejudices and problems they struggle with are depicted, yes, and imo it is valid critique, too. But creating comparisons by showing how differently the characters act or think in the same scene is still an effective way of story-telling.

What Miura later did with other female characters, like Farnese or Schierke, was to “mature up” his writing. His tools however, stayed the same.

More examples comes to mind:

Guts leaving the Hawks

When Guts leaves the hawks, Griffith, Guts, Casca and Judeau all hold monologues, depicting how differently they think. While Casca and Rickert view  the Hawks as family, Judeau still considers them a mercenary band, and Griffith treats his subordinate Guts like a possession and has no inhibition to kill him if it meant he would either not leave or not join another faction and potentially become his enemy. I wrote about this in more detail here on my website

Conviction Arc Farnese

The contrasting happens again when Miura makes Guts meet Farnese for the first time. He was captured by the Holy Iron Chain Knights.

Farnese treated Guts pretty badly: she whipped him out in a desperate attempt to assure dominance, then threw him outside into the cold so he would eventually freeze to death.

When Guts takes HER hostage, they switch roles. Surely, he is being rough to her, but at the same time, is saving her multiple times, e.g. from falling to death or evil spirits.

This is the same writing tool used, just filled with different ideas. Miura’s writing itself hasn’t changed.

Casca is not powerless

Also Casca indeed is capable of defending herself. She is NOT always being saved. Even when being pursued after escaping from the 100 Man Slayer Scene, she gave the pursuing mercenaries a hard time, e.g. ramming a branch into one of the merc’s eyes. In that scene, it didn’t look like Casca was losing, she just got herself out of a dangerous situation and leaps to grab her sword! Only THEN we see how a volley of arrows interrupts the fight.  Does this look like a Casca to you that is about to lose? It doesn’t to me. She could have easily defeated the other two pursuers all by herself.

Casca, NOT GUTS, later defeated Adon all by herself and she was at a disadvantage too (think the poison dart).

Even during the Eclipse she dealt the final blow to take down the apostle that killed Judeau. She is not being depicted as powerless at all. She always seems at a disadvantage, struggling against all odds, and *still* is victorious. Guts acknowledges the strength it takes for her to do what she does, and that’s why Guts is helping her as much as he can.

Now you could STILL say “omg but that’s still sexist”, but eh. There is nothing wrong with acknowledging someone else’s struggle, celebrating them for pulling through despite of all the obstacles, and also willing to help out, but I’ll keep that politics stuff for another post. Stuff like this can go wrong yes, but in either case and as far as I am concerned, Guts is not trying to be patronizing or strip her off her independence in any way.

However, Casca’s strength does have limits and her full strength was not shown to us either, but I’d like to think that’s mostly because she is more a side-character and didn’t have much chance to shine during the Golden Age. I really really hope that will change with future chapters.

TL;DR Just because an author expresses outdated ideas or ideas you disagree with, does not mean it’s bad writing.

[1000-directions]

I have to keep my streak alive, so 003, bucky ofc

💚💚💚

003 | Give me a character & I will tell you:

How I feel about this character:

listen. just seeing his name makes me want to hug myself. when i wasn’t drinking enough water, i used to tell myself “bucky barnes would want you to be hydrated and healthy.” when i watched the black mirror episode with the fucking awful robot dogs and genuinely could not close my eyes without imagining them breaking into my apartment to murder me, i pretended that bucky barnes was stationed by my door protecting me from them while i slept, and it was the only thing that stopped my nightmares. i had to do that for months. i still have to do that sometimes. bucky barnes is the only cis man that i trust. he is the best boy in the world, and he has never done anything wrong.

Any/all the people I ship romantically with this character:

‘any/all the people’ is very accurate tbh. he’s my, uh…town bicycle, if you will. i  ship him the most with clint barton, for reasons i have discussed at length before. i ship him with steve when it’s well done, like when it emphasizes this sort of romantic epic fated characteristic of their relationship, the tragedy and satisfaction of them. very good. i ship him with natasha even if that’s something i haven’t read too much of, so please feel free to send recs. i ship him with m’baku. i could probably ship with him t’challa, if i could get past ‘the white wolf has rested long enough’ and also the fact that t’challa spent so much of civil war trying to murder him for no reason (okay so i probably can’t actually get past either of those). i ship him with ghost from ant man. i ship him with mantis. i ship him with drax, which started out as a joke but is actually not a joke. i’m not especially into shipping him with tony, but there have been exceptions to this. OH i ship him with sam, obviously. i could ship him with wanda, as long as she’s old enough for that not to be gross. in my nebulous headcanon where bucky goes to wakanda and realizes she’s trans and joins the dora milaje, i ship her with okoye. right now, i’m really into shipping bucky with sharon carter, and i am probably the only person who won’t be mad if that’s a thing in the new tv show, but i would be extremely not mad about that. i also ship bucky with lillian, the woman from accounting with the lip ring in winter soldier, who is never seen on screen but who nat tries to set steve up with. steve is not ready for that, but bucky is. i think about them a lot.

My favorite non-romantic relationship for this character:

there are so many bucky friendships that are important to me, but the most important one is obviously bucky and shuri. she gives him quiet and autonomy that no one else can, that he so desperately needs and deserves, and he can never thank her enough for that, and they both know it. bucky and peter parker friendship is also very important to me, and i felt this way before endgame, and i feel this more strongly afterwards, and i won’t get into this too much because i’m writing a whole fic about it but it’s important to me. in fic where bucky and steve are not romantically involved, their friendship is very important to me, and that relationship can be a really important defining characteristic of who bucky is and who he’s been and who he’s going to be. same for clint and sam, they are good allies for bucky. AND, maybe one of the most important but most overlooked relationships for bucky is his relationship with ALPINE THE CAT, a good boy who i care about very much.

My unpopular opinion about this character:

i have seen a lot of grumbling about like…people not being okay with any attempt for marvel to make him straight, because bucky and steve is the only possible relationship for him to have. but i am very okay with the idea of bucky having a girlfriend. obviously i am also okay with the idea of him having a boyfriend. but the thought of him having any kind of healthy and loving romantic relationship is just like heartstoppingly pure and good to me, and i would not be mad if he was with a woman, i would just be very happy that he was being loved and appreciated and cared for.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon:

i wish we’d been able to see a lot more of his time in wakanda. i am hungry for more insight into that healing process. for the future, i hope the tv show gives us some of the quiet domestic moments they claim they are going to. i wanna see bucky go to the grocery store or cook himself a meal. i want him to sit on the couch and have a beer and scroll through his netflix queue. i just want him to have some little moments that show us this man has more to him than missions. he deserves comfort and choices and a new life that he builds for himself.

Favorite friendship for this character:

i feel like we already covered this, or at least i did. i think bucky and steve friendship is the best friendship when it is handled well. oh i didn’t mention bucky and rocket. i like that friendship, too. let’s say that instead, i’ve talked about steve too much.

My crossover ship:

i GUESS this is where i talk about the almost 100k i have written about bucky and louis? i am very grateful for that story and that opportunity, because it kind of accidentally thrust me into this new fandom that i am enjoying very much. i think my declining interest in 1d was always going to be inevitable, like i always kind of knew that i wasn’t going to be invested in that forever, especially once they were on hiatus, like this ain’t my first boyband, friends. but i think i had a nice run with 1d, then a good year where i had one foot solidly in each fandom, and now i’m kinda…getting ready to tie up loose ends and lift that last foot, probably. we’ll see! who knows, anything’s possible!

fandom asks

[spiftynifty]

On Let’s Voltron, the showrunners, and fandom

On Thursday an interview came out on Let’s Voltron, the ostensibly final interview with the showrunners of this now-completed show. Within an hour a few tweet threads appeared and incited a new wave of hatred and anger towards the showrunners, mostly by people relying on these tweet threads rather than listening to the interview themselves.

I don’t like secondhand info that sparks outrage; and having watched both AB interviews and seen how outraged people got over them, without having seen either, I strongly suspected that this interview was nowhere near as incendiary as the tweet threads suggested.

And lo and behold, I was right. Much of what was reported in tweets was misconstrued, or lacking the additional information that listening to someone’s tone provides. I didn’t hear two snarky showrunners smugly enjoying the chaos that their truly lacklustre season provided. I heard two people who were exhausted and beaten down by both the expectations of the fandom and the limitations placed on them by people with more money and power. They didn’t call Shiro “boring”, they referred to their initial vision of him as boring. They didn’t say he was repetitive, they said his backstory was repetitive of other characters’ in the series and was cut. There was one salty comment from JDS about how Voltron and Atlas merging was cool but everyone was too bummed about s8 to appreciate it, but there’s a dark humor to it that reads to me like a man struggling to joke about something neutral and positive in a season that was poorly received by fans and many critics alike. The vast majority of the interview is not much we haven’t already heard, though there is a very telling segment that lasts about 5-10 minutes where they discuss the heavy limitations on representation in cartoons. Ezor and Zethrid were allowed to exist, they say, because they were secondary characters. And female. The words “main heroes” with an S, are repeated several times by LM when describing who was and was not allowed to be LGBT. She explicitly states that wlw is one thing, but mlm is a whole other battle.

As disappointed as I am in the mistakes JDS and LM made, I find myself feeling very defensive of them as I see the people who once defended them from ants now begin to exhibit ant-like behavior themselves. “They should never be allowed to work in animation again” says one tweet. “They never gave a shit about this show” says another. “S8 was their explicit revenge on fans.”

It makes me unbelievably sad to read this. JDS and LM made mistakes. S8 was objectively terrible. Their attempt to shoehorn in “bonus” representation backfired terribly. They’ve been upfront about Voltron never having been planned with a happy ending in mind, and buckle down hard when confronted with the notion that killing Allura was a bad move.

But as they’ve said many, many times, this show was a labor of love for them. They worked their asses off to pitch something grand to Dreamworks because they were fans of the original and wanted to do it justice. But then they got the show and proceeded to get buffeted around for 4 yrs by dreamworks and the rules of a pre-existing IP and half the story ideas they come up with get shot down by execs for any number of reasons. People have latched onto the fact that the last third of the series wasn’t properly planned from the beginning, but I’d like to remind people that the plan they had for s3-6 was completely upended by one (1) executive call. The showrunners have said that they purposefully left things out of the bible to make it harder for execs to say NO to something well in advance. They were, as my director frequently calls it, “playing the game”, the careful balance of trying to tell a good story while also pleasing the client demands for a robot toy show. It’s a fight. Part of playing the game is leaving decisions so late that it becomes far too late to be changed by executives. But the downside of this is sometimes running out of time to do the things you want to do.

I’d like to point out too that in the interview at one point they actually say, “we knew who our audience was. They [the marketing people and higher ups] didn't.” So for 4 yrs they struggled to make the story they wanted to tell, they lost directors and writers, because the demands were way too high and people were burning out and leaving in an industry where being overworked is so par for the course that burnout is just a constant state of being. In other words, it takes extreme amounts of stress for people to burn out, and there is a certain mentality in this industry of burning out being a sign of weakness. When 2/3 directors left (one of them without the safety net of another offer) they put a bit of their reputation on the line-- and left anyway. And through it all JDS and LM, like any creators, were just trying to tell the story they wanted to see, scrambling to manage executive demands, working on multiple episodes at once and trying to maintain the storyline through them, losing people to burnout, having to rewrite entire scenes when voice actors weren’t available, and fighting for the show to be better than it was. 

I'm not absolving the showrunners of guilt, I'm just feeling bad that this is where they ended up because at the end of the day they genuinely were coming from a place of good intentions and a desire to tell, from their perspective a good story. And they did fight for rep, to the point that when initially Shiro was not allowed to be gay, they considered getting up and walking away and ending the project but they stayed because of the crew who would have been summarily put out of work. They weighed the importance of having that representation vs the jobs of 100s of people. That’s how important it was to them. 

Obvious, they didn't stick the landing, and it’s fair to say they outright screwed it up in a massive way that’s going to be remembered for a very long time. On the Shiro front they didn't have time to, in a way that would have felt genuine and agreeable for everyone. Keith was never ever going to be allowed. Maybe if Shiro and Keith had both been women, it would have been, which is a sad thought on the state of this industry and the kind of gendered homophobia that still exists in media both animation and otherwise. JDS and LM didn’t think far enough ahead on this, didn’t think outside of their pool of internal knowledge as non-LGBT people. As terrible as it is, it’s important to note they did this not out of a place of malice or vengeance, but an earnest, if misguided attempt to try and diversify the landscape. It did a lot of damage and they should not be rewarded for this move; but they also shouldn’t be being painted as the mustache-twirling villains so much of the fandom tries to make them out to be.

I hope this has been a huge lesson for them on the importance of stepping outside of your own situation when creating minority characters and properly discussing these characters with multiple people in real life who fall into those categories. No one LGBT person can or should speak for the entire community, as we’ve well seen with certain crewmembers.

Killing Allura is a much harder act to forgive because that was something they had time to think about and plan for and it should have been the more obvious lesson. There was ROOM to ask someone outside of themselves, “does this work”. There was room to be educated on why this was a terrible move both socially and narratively. There is room and time now, and dozens of articles about this very issue, that both showrunners should be reading and absorbing especially as their next projects involve a host of diverse characters. Their insistence to buckle down on the Allura Issue to me reads as; they haven’t learned anything from this, or taken the time to understand people’s pain about it. This is something that desperately needs to change especially as they continue to make movies and presumably TV shows. I do hope it’s something that will.

All this to say, please listen to the interview yourself before adding to the hate mob. If you’re still angry after listening to the interview yourself, that is your prerogative but I encourage you not to transform that anger into venomous hatred against the showrunners. The show is over; as fans we can transform this space into whatever we want it to be since Voltron is effectively ours now. Is attacking the showrunners, as ant1s have famously done for years, the image we really want to hold onto going forward?

[fatandnerdy30]

The Itsy Bitsy Spider 8

Peter really felt invisible in his hiding spot. He was currently hiding under the couch in the living room, holding on to the leg, hanging above the floor. The last hiding place Morgan had chosen wasn't very good, he had found her in minutes hiding in the hall closet. When she started sniffling, Peter did the only thing he could do. He said that if he hid really good and she could find him, he would allow her to play dress up with him for a week. But, there was no way he was allowing a little girl near him with a dress.

So, he had chosen the best place in the house, that she could reach, because she would cry foul if he was up on the ceiling or something. As he waited, he felt the floor trembling so much, he could have sworn there was an earthquake, his skin and the back of his head crawling as if twenty thousand ants were on him. The trembling got worse when he saw Morgan's feet go running by. "Uncle Rhodey!" she jumped into the man's arms, giggling. "Oof! Hello to you too, sweetheart. Where's your dad?" He put the girl down so she could greet the rest of the team. "He's still sleeping. He stayed up late with Peter." Rhodey gave her a confused look."Who's Peter?" he asked while walking to the couch. The teen was able to keep hold of the leg of the couch, his fingers gripping the wood to make sure he could stay. That was until someone literally crashed onto the couch, and he lost his grip, falling with a yelp as he hit the floor. Peter groaned as he got up, shaking his head. He didn't know why he didn't sense someone coming. Probably due to so many giant people in the room at the same time, and he wasn't used to his new senses. Peter slowly made his way from under the couch, patting some of the dust from out of his hair then stopped at the smell of Italian leather and turned to see a polished dress shoe right next to him. The boy looked up to see the shoe's mate high in the air above him, resting on someone's knee. What was going on? Who were these people? Suddenly he heard a voice that he recognized as Captain America and froze. Peter was in the same room as the Avengers team. The actual Avengers! Sure he had already met half of them, but the entire team was just steps away from him!? It drove his little nerdy heart into overdrive. He had to see them! The boy bit his lip and jumped up, gripping the edge of the low bearing couch. Using the threading, the boy climbed as quick as he could, glad right now for his sticky ability. Just as Peter was reaching the cushion, the leg that was resting on the man's knee moved directly over him. Peter gasped and waited for the impact, but luckily leg didn't crush him. However, it did knock the boy down. Peter reached out and grabbed onto the gray dress pants-who wears dress clothes casually?- and felt himself slam into the man's leg, the muscles stiffening at the feeling. Rhodey felt something on the back of his leg and reached down to scratch. He felt a lump and paled, sitting up. What was it?! Was it a spider? Please don't let it be a spider! He felt it crawling. "You alright, Rhodey?" Steve asked, coming over. "I think there's a spider on my pant leg!" the man squeaked, knowing he was acting out of character, but he HATED spiders! "Let me see," Wanda came over and crouched down, spotting a flash of red fabric. The last time she checked, spider's did not wear clothing. With a curious look, she made Rhodey turn and was met face to face with small boy wearing a Thor outfit. Peter squeezed his eyes shut when he felt his skin crawling so much he felt sick, plus the man's movements didn't help. When nothing happened, slowly he opened one eye and found himself staring at a woman's shocked face, a woman he knew very well from seeing her on his poster every morning when he woke up in is room. The Scarlet Witch had was staring at him in shock. He couldn't move, too scared to do anything but stare. Suddenly he was wrapped in red light and he let out a shout and held onto the man's pants, feeling the material rip a bit in his grasp, until finally he let go and just let it happen. "Peter?" Steve's voice sounded angry, but also worried. "What were you doing on Rhodey's pants?" Said man turned. "Who's Peter? He better not be the team fricking tarantula, or I swear I will....oh my god." "Aunt Wanda!" Morgan giggled. "You found Peter fair and square. Now I guess you're hers for a week!" Peter turned white at that, still hanging in the air. "Pl-please don't drop me," he stuttered. "What are you all talking so loud about?" Mr. Stark's annoyed voice came from the hallway. "Anyone seen Morgan? I need to ask her about something." Then his daughter came racing around the corner of the counter, jumping at him. "Daddy! Peter and I were playing hide and seek, but he keeps winning, until Aunt Wanda found him!" "Oof! Morgan, Peter was...wait, hide and seek.... Nobody move!" Tony didn't register what the girl had said right away, flying into panic mode. "Check the bottom of your shoes. You're in big trouble, young lady. Everyone check the bottoms of your shoes." "It's okay, Tony," Steve said, holding his hand out for Wanda to drop the boy into. He was heavier than he thought he would be. "Apparently he was hiding near the floor and got caught on Rhodey's pants." Peter watched from his position on Mr. Roger's palm. "I..I was hiding under the couch," the boy said. "What the hell is that!?" Bucky asked, pointing at him with a metal finger, eyes wide. It had been a few days since he was rescued and this was the first time he was surrounded by hundred foot tall adults, and it was kind of intimidating, even from waist high. "What is he?" Wanda asked as she bent down, smiling, her Russian accent heavy this early in the morning. She wiggled her fingers at the boy in a form of hello. Peter could only wave before Mr. Roger's took a step, causing him to fall back against his wall-like stomach. "Where do you want him?" the man asked Mr. Stark, who pointed at the counter. Seconds later, Peter tumbled out of the man's grip onto the cold marble. "You are in big trouble, too," Mr. Stark's stern voice came from above Peter. "Tony?" Bucky asked as he came closer to look at the small boy, wanting to pick up each limb to see if they were real. Tony waved his hand over Peter while he sipped his coffee. "Introduce yourself. And then explain what you're wearing." Peter blushed. "Hi..I'm Peter Parker. This is the only thing that came in one piece with no Velcro. I had to change into it after I had a bath, Mr. Stark!" "Who bathed you? Pepper and I were sleeping..." "I'm fifteen, Mr. Stark, I can bathe myself. But, Morgan brought out the water for me." He looked up at the man. "I'm not a baby, no matter how small I am." Tony stared down at the small teen who had crossed his arms and was actually pouting. He sighed. He wasn't good at this teenager stuff. He hoped Morgan wouldn't grow up. "Hey, short stack," Clint greeted as walked over to the pouting boy by jabbing a finger into his back, or at least trying to, because somehow he dodged it. "Hey! Hold still," the man teased, trying again, but failed when Peter actually flipped over his hand, sticking to his arm. "What's this? Am I getting old now?" "Oh, you're old, but that's not the case," Tony teased as he sipped his coffee. "I'll explain after you all explain what you're doing here so early." "SHIELD says Hydra is on the move...and looking for him," Steve pointed to Peter, who paled. "And they're desperate to get him back." "Why?" Sam asked, standing. "He's just a kid, from the looks of him." "I'm not a kid. Again, I'm fifteen." He frowned at the falcon. "Anyway," Tony said, completely ignoring the boy. "First things first. Both of you," Tony pointed to Peter on the counter then to Morgan. "Are in trouble. Morgan, wait for your mother. Peter, you're coming to the meeting room. If I have to sit through one of Steve's boring talks, so do you. But, breakfast first. Anyone wanna help?" "What!? Come on Mr. Stark!" Peter's eyes widened while Morgan pouted. "Don't give me that look, young lady. Try it on your mother, and yes Peter, I mean it." He got a bowl out of the cabinet and was busy whisking his second batch of eggs when Pepper came out. "Oh, already put the rest to work, huh?" she asked, kissing Tony on the cheek. "He's a regular slave driver," Clint griped as he worked on the waffle batter. "Only kids are safe from his tyrant ways." "Mm, yeah I can see that." She watched as everyone was doing something and spotted Peter, smiling as he waved at her. "So, I think Morgan has something she wants to tell you," Tony said, looking up for a second giving his daughter 'the look'. "Oh really? And what is that?" she put her best 'mom' face on as she sipped her coffee. "I...I might have taken Peter out of the room this morning..but I did help him get a bath!" The little girl's eyes went moist as she stared at her mother, lower lip sticking out. "Peter was hiding on the floor!" she whined, pointing to the boy. "Yeah, that look doesn't work on me. Time out corner." The woman then turned her attention to the boy who looked like he'd swallowed a lemon. What did we tell you Peter? You could have gotten hurt, even though you're being careful." "But mommy-" Morgan whined. "No but's young lady. Keep it up, and after breakfast your punishment will be no computer for three days." A tear trailed down the girl's face as she huffed, crossing her arms over her chest in a mood, but got up and walked to the chair in the corner, flopping down onto it.. "Peter, are you alright?" She bent down see the boy on the counter, seeing him wince in her sights. "I'm okay," He said sadly. He started walking over to Miss Scarlet, when he felt his skin crawl and he dodged just as a salt shaker roll past him. "Hey!" he cried and looked towards the guilty looking Steve. "Did you just try to....a-SALT- me?" The table  was silent before everyone snorted all around him, but Tony turned to stare at him in shock. "No, nope, the only one allowed to do dad jokes is me...or Clint." the billionaire stated. "You have to admit, it was kind of cheesy," Sam said, voice laden with amusement as he held up the cheddar he was slicing. "Did you not hear a word I just said?" Tony whined while Morgan giggled from the corner. "Yeah, we heard you, but nobody listens to you, so no big dill," Natasha said with a sly grin, Wanda laughing at that. "Look what you started, kid," Tony glared at Peter, though his eyes held a glimmer of amusement. "Now everybody's starting." He flipped the pan with the scrambled eggs. "Not my fault everybody here's a copy cat," Peter said and winced when everyone made a commotion over that, holding a hand over an ear. "Hey, hey, let's not forget who could fit under my boot, kid," Rhodey said kiddingly. "Yeah, but you'd have to catch me first." the boy cheekily replied. "He's got you there," Steve ribbed. "Who knew Thor would have such a good sense of humor." He laughed when the teen groaned. But, Peter swore that if this was a dream, he didn't want to wake up. But he still had a 'punishment' to deal with, right? Could Mr. Stark have maybe revoked his phone privileges if he got any as a punishment? No, because that would mean he was a prisoner here. The Avengers wouldn't keep a kid as a prisoner....would they? A large plate was placed by him, breaking him from his foreboding thoughts as the heat from it warmed him, but the smell of the waffles was better than anything. "I never thought any of you would be able to cook," Peter said idly. They acted like a family in the mornings, actually. He liked it. "Are you doubting my mad skills?" Clint asked as he lifted another waffle from the machine. "Never try to speak slang, Clint," Sam said shaking his head. "Mm. Never again." "Okay, eggs are done, how we looking on everything else?" Mr. Stark asked. "Waffles are done," Clint responded as he flipped the last item out of the machines, waving his burnt hands a little. "Everything's done. Let's eat!" Rhodey rubbed his hands together, sitting at the table, eagerly piling his plate up. Pepper passed a small plate to Peter. "Here sweetie. Help yourself, okay?" She smiled at him. Peter nodded and turned towards the plates of food, more food than he could think to eat, but he was hungry, so he was going to try. He reached toward the eggs, pausing when he saw the steam rising from them. He felt the hair stand up on his arm and ducked when a hand sailed over him and Doctor Banner pushed some eggs off his fork. "There you go, Peter. Let's call that a truce." He smiled and continued eating, leaving Peter to eat. The boy smiled and nodded as the avengers teased one another, even laughing with them. All in all, it was a great morning. And then the meeting happened.....the day had started so great for Tony. True he'd gone crazy looking for Peter when he woke, but he had calmed since finding him. He glanced at the boy sitting on Clint's shoulder, talking to Wanda and blushing when the woman smiled. It seemed the boy had a good bond with the archer, which he wasn't jealous of...much. It wasn't like Clint had rescued the kid. But, the sniper did have teenager experience so he knew how to act with them.   Tony liked the kid. He was amazingly smart, funny and had a good heart from what he'd seen since Peter had been there. He was still nervous around Tony though, so to see him laughing so easily with Clint and the others made him feel...well, he didn't know what. Jealous? Yes, but there was something more. The thing with Tony, he wasn't good with the emotions. He was very bad at them, actually. But, he wanted Peter to laugh with him like he did with Clint. He was a selfish man after all. So, when they reached the meeting room, he surged forward and snatched Peter off Clint's shoulder with a little "mine", and walked to his seat, letting Peter go onto the table. "Mr. Stark? Why-" "Shh, meeting's about to start," the man said with a grin. The boy simply shook his head and turned to sit, leaning back against Mr. Stark's arm for warmth. "SHIELD has gotten some news on activity within Hydra, all based around him," Steve started, pointed to Peter, who turned a shade of green and white Tony hadn't seen before. "They're looking for him, and they're desperate. There's been no activity on their plans, but I know there's bound to be something in the works as we speak." A noise made them all turn to the door as Bruce walked through with a large cup of coffee, sleep still in his eyes."Sorry, sorry. Friday just told me about the meeting. What's wrong?" The doctor sat next to Tony, and smiled down at Peter, who waved shyly at him. "Peter, actually," Rhodey informed him. "Peter? Are you alright? Did any more powers or symptoms pop up?" The doctor was leaning in to look the boy over, trying to ignore when he pressed into Tony's arm. "Powers?" Natashe was interested as she leaned forward to study the boy. "What kind of powers?" "It seems that Hydra gave him a cocktail of Spider DNA mixed with Gamma radiation," Tony said angrily as he felt the boy shaking against his arm. "Could that be why Hydra is already looking for him?" Bucky stood and walked over to Tony "Tony, please let the kid answer." He pleaded the billionaire, staring him down until the man gave up, leaning back, but keeping his arms on the table. The Winter soldier nodded and leaned over Peter, not missing the way he was shaking, staring up at the soldier in terror. "Who are you, where did you come from, and why are you like that?" Bucky tried to keep his voice light, but his eyes were harsh. A hand touched his shoulder and he looked to see his best friend shaking his head slightly. "We'll get to that later," Steve told Bucky firmly, removing his hand from the man's shoulder. "First things first. We need a protective detail on the kid." Tony scoffed. "He can fit in any of our pockets, I think that's as protected as you can get with the damn Avengers." "That may be, but I will feel much better if Peter is watched every second of the day, no matter where he is." Steve argued, giving the man a look. "Oh come on, you don't think he's a spy, do you? Look at him!" Sam reached over and plucked the boy off the table by his Thor cape, the boy struggling and kicking, trying to get loose before giving up and panting. "Who can he hurt? He's literally smaller than my finger." For an example, the man held up his hand next to the boy. "See?" "Sam," Wanda said dangerously, her hands glowing red. Clint stood and had an arrow in his hand, steely gaze fixed on the Falcon. "Let Peter go." Slowly the man did what he said. "Sorry, kid...I wasn't thinking," he apologized. Tony cupped his hand around the kid moving it towards him, scooping the boy up to look him over, much to Peter's chagrin. "I'm okay," Peter said. "It was just a shock, that's all. I'm okay, promise." He put his hands on the fingertip, trying to stop it from touching his chin to lift his head. "Tony, he said he's okay," Rhodey said quietly. "Trust the kid's word." Stark gave Peter another once over before letting him go, forcing his hands away from the small teen, leaning back. Instantly the teen felt the lack of warmth, but didn't say anything about it, just glad to be out of the man's examining gaze. "Be that as it may," Steve continued after getting a nod from the billionaire, "I would still feel better making sure Peter doesn't wind up in Hydra's hands again. They've obviously gotten this far with their experimentation, and I don't want them to get any further. We've dealt a big blow to them by destroying their lab and taking Peter away from them. Which, even though I am still a little nervous about him, I am glad that he's not under their thumb at the moment." He gave the teen a soft look, which made Peter blush slightly at but thanked the man. "And let's not forget who actually saved him," Tony said light heartedly. "You're welcome." The boy turned toward him with a smile. "Of course, Mr. Stark. There's no way I could ever thank you for what you did for me." The man smiled quickly, then his face fell serious again. "So, we've had a little update on him," the billionaire said, leaning forward again, seeing Peter shiver a little. "Apparently, he's developed some...new abilities." he looked down at the boy who nodded. "As we stated before, the scientists gave him gamma radiated spider DNA the morning we found him." There was silence in the room, but every pair of eyes were on Peter, all of them full of anger. "What did they do to him in that lab?" Sam asked seriously. "It seemed," Steve said, "as though they really wanted him dead by the looks of that cage I saw on the floor." The captain moved forward in his seat. " What did that, son?" Peter shivered at the memory. "The soldiers...they came in with guns...they killed everyone, then tried to..." he took a shuddering breath, then Mr. Stark's hand was around him. "Well, looks like it's story time for the kiddies," Tony said, taking over for a grateful Peter. "Okay, so you all remember the mission the ones lucky enough to be here went on, right?" Everyone nodded. "Well, that happened to be an experimental lab run by Hydra....what we saw was...it was..." Tony took a deep breath. This was the first time he was thinking of it now that he had to. Blood splattered on the glass planes revealing lifeless eyes staring through him..."All the experiments had been killed moments before we got there," he continued. "Most of them were just kids. That's where we found Peter. He apparently was hiding after they tried to kill him, too, if the bullet ridden cage on the floor was the proof." Peter nodded, hugging himself. Not aware of it, he shuffled over to Tony's arm, leaning against it, shivering. "Wait, what destroyed that cage? Kid, how were you able to dodge bullets?" Natasha asked, an incredulous look on her face. "Are you like Scott, where the smaller you are, the slower things move and sound?" Peter shook his head. "N-no...." the teen began, nervously wringing his hands together as he began his tale, glancing up to see shocked and angry faces as he spoke. "You all move normally to me, which I think is kind of weird and scary...but it was super scary when the soldiers came in. They had their guns drawn...and...and they shot everyone...." he sniffled, eyes burning. "A few of those people...even though we couldn't speak...they were my friends." The boy took a deep breath. "Samantha was the girl with the red feathers...She was the nicest, always with a soft smile after the scientists threw me in my cage after a day of testing and shots. Jeremy, he was the boy with the tentacle like fingers. They tried to make him a sea-spy, but they couldn't make him able to breathe underwater, though that didn't stop them from trying. I just....I just can't believe they're gone." In just one second, their lives were snuffed out. Then he thought of himself, and how he was almost killed. The barrel staring him down like a gaping maw, the sound of the bullets being released from the chamber deafening to his ears. The heat and the smell of singed hair as he dodged the overly large bullets, mixed with the sound of bending metal...His breath came in pants, body shivering. Lights started dancing in his vision and the room around him spun. "Pete?" a voice called. "Pete, come on, you need to calm down. Take a deep breath." The hand around him suddenly was laid on his back, making the boy jump and spin, about to grab the fingers, when he saw Mr. Stark looking at him and his hands lowered. "Come on, Peter. Breathe." Tony placed his thumb against the boy's back so he could feel his pulse. The kid was having a bonafied panic attack, he would know the signs of it anywhere. "That's it, kid, good job." Peter took a deep, shuddering breath, the feel of Mr. Stark's heartbeat calming to him. The room stopped spinning slowly, his vision coming back to normal. "I-I'm okay...I'm okay..." Peter suddenly sat, his knees giving out. "Whoa...." "I think that's enough from the kid," Tony said, blocking Peter with his hands. "Hold on with the talk, let me call Pepper in to take Pete somewhere quiet, then we'll talk." Everyone nodded, but Clint stood. "Let me take him to Pepper, get him outta here faster." He came to stand next to Tony. "You okay with that, kid?" Blue eyes pierced Peter's and the boy nodded."Yeah, thank you." He climbed on to the offered hand.

@letsbeinspiredby @sparrowrider @6inchicon @carttorchdeatth

[vivithefolle]

Can you rec some Ronarry fics? (Preferably long ones?) Sorry if I'm annoying you.

You’re not annoying me at all, Anon! :D Thought I’m super frustrated because I’ve read one very long fic that has Ron searching for Harry, who has amnesia and ran away to America (and is gay but nobody knew that) and Ron realizes he’s in love with Harry and the fic has about 30 chapters and it’s on FFN but I can’t find it!! x_x

Sooo… I didn’t find that many long fics but I can give you a long list of them if you want?

Beautiful FriendIt took six years for Harry to learn something in History of Magic.This one. Oh my lord this one… it’s short, but it’s amazing. It’s full of lovely lively details and Harry’s description of Ron is… aaaww.

Life DrawingDean watches, and sees something unexpected.Again, the descriptions! My lord the descriptions, and also you will relate very much to Dean if you’ve ever worked with pencils.

Something They Can Barely SeeHarry has no idea how to tell his best friend he wants more that friendship. He’s pretty sure this would be hell of a lot easier if he knew for sure how Ron felt about him.This one is plenty cute. Ron is adorable and Harry… Harry’s trying his best. :’D

Our Inner BeastsLater, Madam Pomfrey would tell them that both Bill and Ron were going to survive. But she had no idea what the effects of a werewolf bite, when the werewolf was still in human form, could do to their behavior.Okay, who’s up for writing more Creature!Ron fics? Seriously. Someone do some more of those. Here we have Ron as a werewolf, aggressive, feral, self-loathing… doesn’t matter, Harry loves him.

Running with the Wolf, Loving the Mansnapshots of Harry Potter’s life with a werewolf boyfriendFollow-up of Our Inner Beasts. Someone heard our prayers and gave us more Werewolf!Ron, and it’s as wonderful as it sounds.

What HappenedThat’s just the thing, though. He doesn’t know what happened. He can’t pinpoint a single event where everything suddenly made sense. There was no epiphany or choir of angels or aligning of stars, or any of the other rubbish Parvarti goes on about in the Great Hall. There’s no one moment when he realized, “Oh.”Ron and Harry’s friendship, only it’s not just friendship. The last line will make you want to put on some epic music.

Follow The Butterflies“Why did it have to be spiders?” Ron moaned. “Why couldn’t we follow the butterflies?” Harry privately agreed with his best friend, but if there was anything Hogwarts had taught him, then that if he didn’t do something, no one would. “I promise the next time we have to follow anything, it will be butterflies.”Harry and Ron’s friendship again, with more butterflies thrown in the mix. It’s just as perfect as it sounds. If you don’t ship Harry/Ron, this fanfic might just change your mind.

Sonnets of Magical InterferenceHarry receives some strange notes about his love life, or lack thereof.By the end of that fic, you might just cheer for a very controversial character.

HeavenHarry’s heaven includes Ron.Features Ron being emotional over a movie, Chinese takeout, and Harry being a sap. What more could you ask for?

Harry Potter And The World That Went Bloody Insane“I know something you don’t know” is, apparently, the essence of Harry Potter’s love life. Harry’s certain that the world has been reading one too many romance novels, but then, Harry’s always been a bit oblivious.Featuring Protective!Attentive!Caring!Ron and Oblivious!Harry in their stinky flat and everyone shipping Harry/Ron. It’s awesome.

Check MateHarry questions his dreams, Ron has a scary one of his own, Hermione and Cho plot, and Seamus and Dean obsess.Harry’s subconscious has lots of funny ideas. Ron is ridiculously cute. Might be a bit difficult to read because of FFN’s shitty formating for line breaks.

On The OutsideHarry doesn’t think there’s much point to his being gay. He can’t have regular sex, he can’t have children, and he can’t tell his best friend he’s in love with him.Ron is utterly adorable, do I really have to say it? Why, yes, yes I do.

Newton’s LawFor every action, there is an equal and opposite reactionCheck out this author’s other Harry/Ron fics. I especially like Brass Ring; in the meantime, have a rather in-character reaction of Hermione and Ginny finding out about their ex-boyfriends dating. Hey, not my fault if JKR doesn’t know how to write strong female characters without making them abusive.

Sleeping BeautyThe most gen ever retelling of Sleeping Beauty.Who cares if it’s gen, it’s amazing. Harry sleeps, Ron is wonderful, and ants get colorful.

The Complexities Of Muggle MachineryHarry bought a refrigerator. Then it was a microwave. Then a blender. Thursday was the coffee brewer. Ron really liked that last one.Ron is absolutely, heart-stoppingly, adorably cute and pretty much just like I imagine him to be around Muggle things. Harry’s lucky.

After the cupcakesThey never really talked about it but they are each other’s world. And perhaps a lazy Sunday morning is as good a time as any to finally say something.Utterly sappy and fluffy and you know me, I was mostly there for Harry’s description of Ron. It didn’t disappoint.

Sing Your LoveThroughout the years they’ve lived together, Harry has always enjoyed Ron’s singing but lately he’s been picking up hidden messages in his flatmate’s song choices.Do you like Ron singing? Do you like Ron dancing? Do you like Ron crying his heart out over an emotionally oblivious Harry? Well in that case you’ve found the perfect fic!

Snakes & LaddersAfter the final battle with Voldemort, Harry intends to get on with his life. There’s just one problem; he was supposed to have died when he confronted Voldemort in the Forbidden Forest and now the Other Side is trying to collect him. But in the space between his ‘death’ and the victory celebrations, Harry’s fallen in love… and he’s not going to give up his second chance without a fight.A complicated premise, a complicated tale, a very worried Ron, a very determined Harry, an entirely unwelcome Severus Snape coming from beyond the Veil, all leading up to an epic confrontation in the Other Side. Who knew the afterlife had a court?

Now, it’s time for… TEH SMUT! D:Every story below this text will have MATURE CONTENT. Shoo, children, shoo!

Partners (last chapter gets NSFW)What if the girls hadn’t come in just then?  What course of action would Harry, in his desperate frame of mind, have latched onto instead?This fanfic made one of my most desperate wishes come true. For those who don’t know me, I’ll just tell you that Cinderella isn’t a matter of gender.

Scars (warning: mentions of self-harm)Ron is embarrassed of his scars, and Harry might be able to help.Ron is his terribly self-loathing self, but at least Harry is there to remind him of what we Ron-lovers know: that he’s loved and beautiful.

The Matchmaker (contains sexual mention)Sir Nicholas has never had a couple like these two…Nearly-Headless Nick ships Harry and Ron. So does the entire Gryffindor House. All in all, just what we need.

Exploring The Spectrum (NSFW at the end)Ron wakes up to find he can only see in a single colour.Very interesting mystery and clever use of a forgotten plot point. The resolution is basically “sex solves everything” but otherwise it’s a great story.

Hug! Hug! Kiss! (second-to-last drabble is NSFW)Ron loses Harry in a foreign land. In other words, Harry accidentally joins a Japanese boy band.This story is ridiculous, confusing, crazy, and absolutely hilarious. No existing celebrities were harmed.

Just Another Teenage Epoch - Ron Weasley, 1999 (NSFW at the end)Ron wants to be an Auror, and he wants to not grow up, and he really wants other people to stop kissing Harry.The classic mistletoe tale! Ron is not amused at all. It’s okay, we’re rooting for him (and Harry is, too).

Trapped in Winter (NSFW at the end)Harry and Ron have an argument. When Ron goes to storm out of the room, he’s frozen in time, and when Harry touches him to see what’s the matter, they’re both transported to a snowy winter wonderland.A surprising premise that leads to a confused, hurt Ron and a tight-lipped Harry, and of course, to Harry/Ron. Pretty nice!

That We Might Be Exactly Like We Were (warning: graphic self-harm, realistic depression, themes of suicide)'Everything just takes me back, to when you were there…’This author pretty much nails what depression is like. She also has several other Harry/Ron fanfics that are written just as expertly as this one, but be forewarned, they tend to deal with very upsetting topics as well. Sadly, I could see her version of Ron existing in the canon we know.

Slow Slide (get out) to a Better Place (warning: abuse and r*pe)Harry told himself that everything was fine in his relationship with Ginny, at least until he couldn’t lie to himself anymore. And by then, he thought it might be too late.  Fortunately, he has two very good friends who will always be there for him, one of whom might eventually be something more.Downside: Ginny fans should NOT read this story. Upside: contains Vivi’s most beloved ship, Romione + Ronarry.

Prelude and Fugue (NSFW in the middle)It took over an hour, from the time Harry arrived at work, for him to realise just how different today actually was.The “Groundhog Day” loop is wonderfully done, you can actually feel the weariness building as Harry wakes up and notices it’s still Monday, bloody Monday.And Ron is absolutely adorable - yes, I’ll say it every time!

Princes of Maine (NSFW at the end)Harry wakes one morning to find an abandoned baby on his doorstep. Little does he know that this is only the beginning of his most challenging adventure yet: parenthood.You want Harry as a single parent and not knowing anything about babies? You have it. You want Ron as a competent Healer who’s sick of Harry’s shit and determined to get answers as to why his best mate is a wreck? You have it. You want Harry/Ron? What are you waiting for, dive in!

Still looking for more? Take a look at this post!

[totallyfrandom]

I've recently watched the 2019 "The Lion King" movie online, and I'm glad I didn't pay to see it at the cinemas because it wouldn't be worth the ticket price. It was lame. (record-lengthy rant below; not really spoilers as it's basically the 1994 animated movie again with a few minor changes)

”The Lion King” from 1994 is one of my most favorite Disney animated classics from my childhood and I was interested at first when the remake was announced. I was impressed by the gorgeous realistic animation in the first previews and trailer, but the more I looked into the last trailer, the more concerned I was about one thing: the expressions. Their faces lacked emotions. My biggest concern was Timon who's the most expressive comic relief character, and Scar who is this mischievous character with a very wide range of sly expressions on his face showing his scheming. Will the scenes of emotions and comedy suffer from this realism?

So I didn't have great expectations of the movie when I started watching it but other than the impressive CGI, it's really telling if at the end of the movie I go ”Finally it's over!” which is in this case.

My concern was confirmed: the characters lack so much of the expressions and emotions, which was a huge sacrifice for the sake of realism. That was my biggest problem with the movie. Also, unlike ”Beauty and the Beast” remake and ”Maleficent” for example, it felt more like they only made this remake to cash in on people's nostalgia. It didn't fool me, I felt no nostalgia whatsoever. Just disappointment over how lame it felt.

Below are some scenes and character critiques that I particularly want to mention.

First up, Scar. I didn't like his voice. I'm not saying that Ejiofor did a bad job, it just doesn't fit his sly character. And just like the rest of the characters, the realistic animation sacrificed the facial expressions and emotions of Scar which was a huge part of his character. His voice didn't really replace that sacrifice. He didn't feel intimidating at all.

Speaking of intimidating, now we come to the hyenas. The only character who somewhat comes close to intimidating was Shenzi. She felt more of a threat than Scar was. I noticed two changes in this remake: one is the other two hyenas Banzai and Ed got a rename. Now they're called Kamari and Azizi. Ed, or now Azizi, even speaks and doesn't act as stupid and giggly as before. But none of them are any funnier, they've only become duller. None of their attempt of ”comedy” made me laugh, not even crack a smile. This change had no reasoning behind it (none that I know of) and feels pointless. I have no idea why they'd change two old fan favorites like that. But I do have to give some credit for the other change that was a bit more interesting – or it could just be my interpretation or simply a misunderstanding: Scar's alliance with the hyenas. In the original movie, Scar was portrayed as the leader of the hyenas from the start, even over Shenzi, but in this adaptation it seems more like Shenzi is the leader over the hyenas and Scar is the imposter who got them on his side because he promised them to enter the Pride Lands with food for the taking. Shenzi even dared to question Scar as if she challenged him (I would pay to see a cool backstory for remake-Shenzi instead of this movie). Shenzi is also the one who picked adult Nala as her opponent in the final fight for an actual reason. So yeah, Shenzi is good. But she didn’t save the movie, unfortunately.

While the hyenas weren't funny, the only character who are somewhat funny (despite the sad sacrifice of expressions for most comedic scenes) were Timon and Pumbaa. But I still have mixed feelings about them (which I'll mention below in the songs section) so they weren't my favorite characters in this movie, but more like they--along with Shenzi--were the better characters of the entire cast. At least the duo are the only ones that made me chuckle (which was my only close-to-laugh during the entire movie) and that was near the end of the movie. Not impressive when it took that long for me to laugh.

Then we have Rafiki. There are two things I'm bothered about this remake of him: he didn't have his iconic staff like in the original and I thought that maybe they removed the staff for the sake of realism (I would've expected that the staff would be gone anyway) but then near the end of the movie he pulls out his staff from the tree calling it ”old friend”. It feels like the staff was originally removed but then was forced in for the last scenes just as a nod to the fans, as it was a last-minute addition. That was my problem with the staff situation: first it wasn't there but then BAM! Rafiki brings it up calling it ”my old friend” as a last-minute nod to fans who'd hate to see it go, maybe to avoid a riot. It felt a bit tacky, Imo. But what made him into a less sympathetic character is that instead of mourning for the loss of his old friend Mufasa and the prince like in the original, he goes ”tsk-tsk-tsk”. Yeah, when my dad dies I'm gonna sit there during his funeral and go ”tsk-tsk-tsk”. Wtf Disney? I guess this is what they do instead of being able to show any emotions in the realistic animal faces.

I don't know what I can say about the other characters, even about the main protagonist Simba. They were just lame when they lacked the emotions and expressions that was part of the characters so I didn't feel any connection to them. They were just... there. Same name, same personality, but that's all. Even with James Earl Jones returning for voicing Mufasa didn't help (did Disney bring him back just to add to the nostalgic value hmm?), partly because I grew up with the Swedish dub so Mufasa's English voice didn't give the same impact to me as it may give to fans who grew with James Earl Jones as Mufasa.

As for scenes, we'll start with one with Rafiki and it was the most unnecessary and time-wasting scene I had to endure. I mean, I can't believe we have to watch an almost 3-minute long journey of a tuft from Simba's mane. It's the scene where Rafiki learns that Simba is still alive: Simba shakes his head, resulting in a small tuft of his mane gets loose and floats in the wind. But instead of a smooth transition and then within 15 seconds reach Rafiki like in the original, we see it be in various places and picked up by various animals that contributes to its progress, even being eaten by a giraffe before the scene fades to black... which is pointless when it just continues the journey but now we see the tuft in a ball of giraffe dung being rulled by a beetle. Eventually, which felt like ten long minutes, the tuft reaches Rafiki's tree with the help of an ant. It's almost like this prolonged scene is just there to fill more minutes of the movie. Also, that tuft of Simba's mane has been inside a giraffe and then pooped out, presumably smelling, and Rafiki was holding it so... ew.

Due to the realism in the animal faces which limits their expressions, there are a lot of emotional scenes that I used to love that lacks that emotion. No scene made me shed tears or fill me with a heavy heart, no scene made me feel that hope and warms my heart. A couple of examples:

The scene where Simba finds Mufasa’s body didn't give me any emotions, which is a disappointment as this is one of the saddest scenes in animation history. But I admit that JD McCrary who voices young Simba did a good job in delivering the sad voice and sounded legit like he was close to tears. That was the closest to real emotions in the film. Too bad the facial expression of the CGI lion cub didn't give what McCreary's performance deserves.

Another scene I find a lot of disappointed in was my favorite from the original movie; when adult Simba was talking to his father in the clouds. It always used to touch my heart because of how amazing it was with the music and the visualization in the sky and the emotions of awe in Simba' face. But this one was such a lackluster. It didn't move me in any way and I could barely see Mufasa (I guess his face appeared just with a blink of an eye a few times when lightning struck in the clouds but that was way too quick). They didn't even play one of my favorite instrumental music when Simba was running back to the Pride Lands. Sure, it's fine that they have at least one new song that wasn't in the original soundtrack before, but they did sacrifice such a motivational piece of music for it.

But the worst scene in the entire movie (if we don't count the songs) is when Scar betrays Mufasa and pushes him off the cliff. Instead of Mufasa saying "Scar! My brother! Help me!" with a pleading tone in his voice (this was a literal life and death situation), he just says "Scar! Help me!" as if it was an order. Then instead of whispering to his brother, Scar almost yells out "Long live the king!" before he literally bitch-slaps Mufasa so that he looses his grip. Why not shove him off like in the original movie when Scar was already digging his claws into Mufasa's paws like in the original movie? Also there was no zoom-in on the eyes of Mufasa when he realized the betrayal just before his death... but then again, those eyes would've been lifeless from expressions.

By the way, Scar is stupid when he's talking loudly about secrets, like before the final fight scene he gave away that he was responsible to Mufasa's death which convinced Sarabi of Simba's innocence despite Scar desperately tried to lie his way through. You really messed this up, Scar.

As for the songs in general, they were just... there. Only the opening song ”Circle of Life” is good enough for me. The rest both feel and sounded duller.

I was so disappointed in "I Just Can't Wait to be King". Due to the realism, there's no colorful background that complements the song and it feels bland (”Can You Feel the Love Tonight” and ”Hakuna Matata” suffers the similar thing). Even the song itself doesn't give any nostalgia to me. It looks kinda off to see realistic Simba sing, it's like an uncanny valley vibe. Again he lacks any expression, same with Zazu. When Timon sings ”Hakuna Matata” and ”The Lion Sleeps Tonight” with a wide-open mouth, it looks... odd. I don't see Timon singing, instead I see an animal screaming. For food or for help, either way works, but not singing.

However, the worst song in the entire movie was "Be Prepared" for so many reasons. One, I’ve already mentioned above that I think Scar's voice doesn't fit his character so his singing clearly can't top the original song (which is why I think it had to be changed a bit which I'll mention soon). Two, it doesn't have the dark and dramatic shadowing. Three, Scar's mischievous expressions are gone for the sake of realism so Scar just looks flat and awkward. Four, the song was changed and is now shorter so I was just sitting here getting confused of where it was going and thinking when the powerful chorus and the xylophone(?) instruments are gonna start and then you hear that final "Be Prepaaaaared!" from Scar before it zooms out without the echoing laughter of Scar and the hyenas, instead the last "Prepared" echoes before the scene fades to another scene. It just ends like that just as quick as the song started. Like, the heck was that? I get that they had to get rid of the army of hyenas marching, but this was just lame and lazy. This brings to the fifth reason: they just ruined one of the greatest Disney villain songs ever made. After watching the movie I've read that there was a rumor or concern that ”Be Prepared” wouldn't be in the movie. I'm kinda wishing it didn't make into the remake when they didn't even try making it look or sound great. Definitely not memorable.

...

This is just a half of everything I wanted to say about the movie, but I think I'll stop here after having said the more important bits that I wanted to rant about.

All in all, under all that gorgeous realistic CGI animation lies a lazy attempt at the remake with most scenes being shot-to-shot copies from the original, half-assed attempt at most songs when it comes to the visuals (or barely an attempt in ”Be Prepared”), lifeless expressions of the realistic animals and ruining the emotions of powerful and most memorable scenes just to cash in on people's nostalgia. Only Shenzi was the character who had some potential for something new and interesting but like I said, she didn’t save the movie for me.

At least they TRIED a lot more with ”Beauty and the Beast” remake and ”Maleficent” where they actually did good new changes that contributed more to the story. With ”The Lion King” remake they just upgraded it to look good but had to sacrifice the most important thing which is the expressions of colors and reactions in characters' faces. Even Beast's facial expressions had more emotions through all that makeup.

As for recommendation, if it wasn’t obvious enough I personally wouldn't recommend it. It's better to go back watching the 1994 animated classic instead of wasting time and money on it. Unless you’re a true nostalgic, then go ahead and enjoy it. I’m not judging anyone who likes or loves it. It was just personally a disappointment for me when it didn’t live up for my childhood favorite classic.

One final thing: you feel like reading my lengthy rant wasted your valuable time? That’s what it felt when I was watching the movie and finally came to the end, hence the “Finally it’s over!”.

[1wngdngl]

Avengers: Endgame - final thoughts

So, I saw Avengers: Endgame for the second time on July 1. And ever since then, I’ve been meaning to post my full review. You might be wondering, what took so long? Well, I had a review all ready the night I came back from the theater, but Tumblr ate it, and it took a while for me to regain the motivation to type it up again. And then I wanted to make sure it was a really good, super-detailed review, so it took even longer. End result being that it’s now two months later later, so who knows if anyone even cares anymore ;) But I’m sharing it anyway, so it doesn’t feel like a complete waste of time.

(Keep in mind this review was largely written before Spider-Man: Far From Home and the SDCC came around to muddy the waters, so nothing past Endgame is mentioned.)

I think I actually liked this movie better the second time I saw it. I enjoyed it the first time, certainly, but the first time I was so concerned about what the movie might be like, what might happen next, who would live or die, how the whole saga would be concluded, that I wasn’t fully able to be in the moment. And when you go into a movie with that attitude, and with a wishlist of things you want to see, it’s easy to feel slightly disappointed when an item doesn’t get checked off your list.

But when I saw Endgame the second time, I already knew what was going to happen, so I was able to relax more and just appreciate everything – the action, the humor, the music, the characters, everything. To quote Thor, I was able to appreciate the movie for what it was, not for what it was “supposed” to be.

One thing I especially appreciated this time was the sheer variety the movie presented, in the tone, the characters, and the settings. Both Infinity War and Endgame are long movies that feel much shorter, but they achieve that in different ways. Infinity War was near non-stop action and dramatic reversals, so you never had time to get bored. In contrast, Endgame has a lot more quiet moments and mundane interactions. It’s almost like a mini-series of half-hour episodes, each with its own tone and setting.

I really like how Endgame opens, with something as simple as Clint spending time with his family. It really cut me when he looked away for a moment and all his family disappeared. The opening emphasizes that, however long it may have been for the audience since seeing Infinity War, for the characters it’s a fresh tragedy. The “Porch” musical theme from the end of Infinity War shows up here too, linking the two movies together (it’d be amazing to watch them back-to-back sometime).

The somber mood continues with Tony out in space, desperately trying to get home. When he finally does, he’s relieved to find Pepper still alive, but that doesn’t make everything better (and of course, he hasn’t exactly forgiven Steve yet either). With the help of Nebula and Captain Marvel, a group goes to hunt down Thanos, hoping they can use the Stones themselves to bring back the Snapped. But of course, Thanos has already destroyed the Stones, and there’s no getting them back, ever.

When Thor chopped off Thanos’s head mid-sentence, it was very satisfying, but of course that didn’t actually fix anything – even Thor realizes this within five seconds. This whole section of the movie is like a delayed climax from Infinity War, and has an even greater sense of finality and failure than the dusting itself.

When I first saw the words “Five…Years…Later” appear on screen, I was really startled. That the writers would let this world and the Avengers spend five years wallowing in their failure. It probably shouldn’t be surprising that most of them stepped down from hero business in the interim. Out of everyone, I actually think Bruce handled the post-apocalypse the best, finally able to achieve self-acceptance and inner peace. On the flip side is Thor, who seems to feel the most personally responsible for the tragedy – if only he had gone for the head the first time! – and who spends every day drinking himself senseless so he doesn’t have to think about it. Tony seems content to hide out in his lake cabin with his wife and daughter, not getting involved in the problems of the larger world. Natasha buries herself in work, and Steve seems to just drift aimlessly. And Clint…His despair sends him into darkness and violence, and I wonder if his previous crimes when he was being mind-controlled made it the tiniest bit easier to fall into that darkness.

If you look at the “going after Thanos in the garden” part as a prologue, then the whole “living with failure” is the start of the first act. Everyone is just trying to make do, carry on the best way they know how. This part of the movie is very subdued, almost mundane, and mostly consists of characters exchanging dialogue, absent of action, of music, of life. But the whole of the MCU has done so much work in developing these characters that even just watching them interact is interesting. They no longer feel like actors, just people playing off each other in the most natural way. They feel like old friends, both to each other and the audience, friends who are going through a tough time.

The inciting incident, the moment things start to change, is when Ant-Man arrives. He’s the one who brings hope and humor back into the movie. He hasn’t had to live through years in this ruined world, so he still has optimism that they can fix things. You know, when he first suggested time travel, I was a bit nervous since a lot of movies don’t handle time travel very well. But the “time heist”, as it’s called, may be my favorite part of the movie.

So we move into the second act, where the Avengers split up and go after the Infinity Stones in different time periods. This section is a lot more “fun” than the previous scenes, as the characters re-visit moments from past movies, making the heist into a sort of “MCU in Review”. But these scenes aren’t just cut-and-pasted from their original movies – instead we get to look at them from different angles, see what was happening just offscreen, and see characters who wouldn’t even make their first appearance until later, like seeing the Ancient One and Brock Rumlow during the Battle in New York.

With multiple time-travel groups, the movie cuts quickly between them, so you’re never quite sure where or when you’ll get to see next. Again, the sheer number of characters in this movie is amazing – nearly everyone from Infinity War, plus time travel allows even more characters to show up. Sure, many appearances are just cameos, but the level of logistical planning that all these scenes must’ve involved just boggles the mind.

Not only does the time travel let viewers revisit parts of the MCU, it also allows the main three Avengers (Tony, Steve, and Thor) to reach some closure with their past. Tony and Thor get to have proper goodbyes with their parents; Steve’s closure has to wait until the end of the movie, but is worth the wait.

The time heist is mostly just fun at first, but slowly things start to go wrong. First Natasha dies, then Nebula is captured and replaced by her own past self, who finds a way to bring the nightmare of Thanos back into everyone’s lives. To be honest I wasn’t sure if or how he would be relevant to the movie again after being killed right at the start, so this twist really caught me off-guard. The moment Thanos’s ship opens fire and destroys the Avengers Compound is one of the most startling in the movie, jolting events right into the third act.

The final battle is very complex and would take a long time to properly break down. Seeing Thanos’s army of Leviathans, Outriders, the Black Order, and more as a single unified force – it’s almost as exciting as seeing the heroes all assembled. The moment where all the dusted heroes show up on the battlefield, to the “Portals” theme, may be the most emotionally stirring moment in the series. The power level on each side is unfathomable; and when it all ends and the bad guys fade away into dust – first the legion, and then finally, finally Thanos himself – I felt a real vindictive satisfaction that he got what he deserved, that this time it was the Avengers who had the last laugh.

I know some people were angry about how Tony Stark died, but really, what better end for a character can you ask for? He saved the whole universe, and had a grand funeral with many attendees – many of whom didn’t even like him personally, but recognized the debt they owe him. The part at the end where Happy is trying to comfort Tony’s cute daughter, who is too young to completely understand what’s going on…Priceless. In the very first Iron Man movie, Yinsen told Tony “Don’t waste your life”, and I think he’d be proud.

The first time I saw Endgame, I wasn’t sure how I felt about Steve and Thor’s endings, but on a second viewing I felt much better about them. Steve, after all his sacrifice, living the superhero life non-stop, finally got to have the life he wanted with Peggy. Thor wasn’t able to get back any of the friends or family he lost, but he finally got over his guilt and depression, and left with the Guardians to have a new adventure. I think they will all get along well ;)

[another thing that made this second viewing fun – I sat next to a family who was seeing it for the first time, and the kids were very animated in their reactions to all the big moments, action, and jokes, so that made it more special for me too. I love seeing other people react to something I already know and enjoy.]

 Addendum:

Like I said, all of the above was written several months ago, and I haven’t yet seen Spider-Man: Far From Home and have generally not looked into any Marvel news since then. Truth is, I’m extremely nervous about the future of the MCU. I know the studio can’t rest on their laurels, and so have to keep making movies, but personally I’d be happy if the MCU was truly done with Endgame. Not that I think everything after that will be junk, but because Endgame provided such a satisfying conclusion that I’m afraid future entries will just confuse things, or reduce that sense of closure. “Stop when things are at their best,” is what I believe. Otherwise you risk undoing the specialness of the story by repeating yourself, making accidental (or deliberate) retcons, or by losing the thread of a character’s arc and treating them more as a marketable commodity than a person.

But! I have a strategy prepared – if future entries after the Infinity Saga don’t capture that same wonder, don’t spark the same interest in me, I’m prepared to view them as expensive fanfiction, and be satisfied with the perfect, complete story that Marvel already gave us :)

[beboots]

The power of relationships: initial Avengers: Endgame reaction

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So I just got back from Avengers: Engame, and wow, what a culmination to a series of movies spanning over a decade. Initial feels:

The biggest thing for me is that they actually did a good job at setting up relationships between the different characters, so the stakes felt all the higher, and the reunions were all the more powerful. 

First off, I actually felt the dad-ness of Clint at the start of the movie in a way that I didn’t really when the family was first introduced in Age of Ultron. There he was, hanging out with his wife and kids, and it felt natural and normal. The dusting of his family was all the more tragic because we had those moments of warmth and intimacy right beforehand - and Clint’s dawning realization that they were missing, they were all missing, and there was nothing he could have done between one moment and the next... that was all the more horrifying to watch. 

I adored the little scene soon after with Tony Stark teaching Nebula desk top football, being patient with her, but also letting her win. He knew that was important to her. Nebula was painfully awkward but I loved how in only a few clips, they set up their growing friendship. I like how even as Tony’s voiceover of what he believed were his final words to Pepper was making me cry, we also saw clips of Nebula and Tony working together, and Nebula in some small ways, taking care of Tony: letting him have the last crumbs of food, healing him with a practical and dispassionate expression, the two of them working side by side to repair the ship... Those are the kind of moments I live for, and really help also explain why Nebula was so trusted and integrated into the Avengers so quickly off-screen later on. 

And NEBULA. I loved the contrast between her and her past self, demonstrating how much she’s grown as a character and how much she’s come to value others, particularly Gamora. I still feel that Nebula was the one who should have killed Thanos - she’s been working on it the longest and had a lot of motivation - but I really liked how she was wholeheartedly on the side of the Avengers in this (except for, well, her pre-redemption arc self). She was fierce and clever and traumatized, but competent and practical.

Speaking of which, that’s one of the things I was a bit bummed about: we could have also had that awkward “villain joining forces with the powers of good and awkwardly working together to defeat a greater evil” kind of dynamic with Loki, and I was actually quite upset that we didn’t get more of him. What we did get of Loki was really cool - it was interesting to see a fresh take and bonus scenes from the beloved first Avengers movie. But we could have had so much more! (Side note: I really, really disliked the way they handled Thor in this movie. The one exception was the scene with his mum, and the dynamic he had with Rocket.) I mean, Loki stole the Tesseract again! I totally thought it would link in with that horrific scene at the beginning of the Avengers Infinity War movie, where he popped back up with the Tesseract again... but nope. Now I do want to read alternate timeline fics with him running around muzzled with the Tesseract though. 

SPEAKING OF WHICH I just love time travel. The movie didn’t really go where I expected. I absolutely adore time travel shenanigans as a genre, and I was kind of worried that the movie wouldn’t do the concept the same justice that so much awesome fanfic does. (See for instance Rise From Ash by Mikkeneko, Tea With the Hatter by Theorytale, or my absolute favourite Bargaining by proantagonist). But the scenes in the past were actually pretty darn good! They felt very fresh. I really liked seeing, for instance, Bruce who is now fully in control of his Hulk self half-heartedly smashing things in New York to blend in, and being totally embarrassed about his earlier self. Tony Stark undercover as a SHIELD agent was epic. (I really love seeing Tony being sneaky and being competent outside of his armor.) Tony Stark encountering his father (and not quite blending in with his “beatnik” beard) was really interesting. Giving his own father parental advice? Surreal but an interesting dynamic.

I really liked time travelling Cap in New York. Being mistaken for Loki. Telling his past self about Bucky being still alive so he can beat him. Tricking the SHIELD / HYDRA agents into giving up the scepter with a well-placed “Heil HYDRA” which HAD to be a reference to the controversial Hydra Cap comics of a few years back. SO well-done!

Can we have all of the fics with dealing with the fallout of that alternate timeline? Loki with the tesseract, a mystery Cap stealing the scepter from under the nose of HYRDA, Cap looking for Bucky, Tony paranoid about his arc reactor shorting out again... there’s a lot to play with in that alternate timeline. Things are not as they seem and it would be interesting to explore that.

I really enjoyed Ant Man as a character in this movie, too? He contributed to the science, and that moment of excitement when he showed up at the Avengers compound really galvanized folks and me as an audience member. He added moments of encouragement (fanboying Cap!) and levity where needed but was also down to earth, emotionally sincere, and moved the plot along. I lived and breathed for his hug reunion with his daughter Cassie. 

Another epic moment: the few times we saw Captain Marvel. I <3 that she rescued Tony and just like... carried the ship to Earth? I really enjoyed that moment in the final battle where all of the ladies teamed up - she’s not alone. AND THE MUSIC SWELLS.

Another epic moment: Peter activating Instant Kill Mode. Treated as a joke in Homecoming, played straight to epic results here. 

Another moment of epic feels: I actually remembered why I enjoy about Natasha and Clint’s friendship. I like these moments of camaraderie, scattered through the movies. A long way from Budapest indeed! I adored how they fought each other for the right to sacrifice themselves to get the soul stone - fighting each other to protect each other. Classic spy buddies. I really didn’t know where that scene was going to play out, and that made how the scene ended all the more tragic for me. It had really emotional oomph. 

Speaking of emotional oomph: TONY!!!! I feel like he had a line that foreshadowed what happened to him at the moment he showed up at the compound to give them the time travel GPS. My god that ending. But even earlier: the recordings he made for Pepper when he thought he was going to die, his friendship with Nebula borne of desperation, how he had legitimate reasons to hesitate to try to change things (his relationship with his daughter was realistic and brought me new life), his blow up at Cap about how he’d been trying to stop this for years even as he was sitting there bony and fragile with an IV... MY FEELS. 

In this movie the stakes felt high, but it was purely because they really built on the strength of the relationships in this movie, and used the previous movies as touchstones for them too. That’s why I’m bummed Thor didn’t really get resolution with Loki. But the resolution or emotional tension we did get: with Tony and Pepper and Peter, with Nebula and Gamora, with Clint and his family and Natasha... that made the movie worth it for me. For a movie with a giant ensemble cast, there were so many wonderful emotionally satisfying moments and character growth for more characters than I expected would get them. 

It’s not a perfect film, but I was so pleased with how so many characters got their moment to shine, and all in relation to one another. 

[douxreviews]

Aquaman Review

By CoramDeo

"What could be greater than a king?" "A hero."

SPOILER WARNING: There will be a brief non-spoiler review to start with, then I'll discuss the film in depth for those who've seen it.

Also, SARCASM WARNING: For whatever reason, I was in an extremely sarcastic mood when I wrote this review. As a result, I use sarcasm here. A lot.

By nature I love brevity: Absolutely gorgeous in every shot and action-packed, Aquaman is full to the brim with moments that will make die-hard comic book geeks and casual fans alike say things like, "Aw, YEAH!" and "That was awesome!" While there are a few themes, they don't do too much. All in all, it doesn't have a lot of depth, which is surprising for a movie set primarily on the ocean floor.

In Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice, Zack Snyder stuck Jason Momoa in an aquarium tank and filmed him for ten seconds. In Justice League, he used green screen to depict underwater action that sound exactly like it really would to human ears - dampened and unintelligible. For Aquaman, James Wan has been handed the task of trying desperately to make Aquaman look cool. Perhaps a more traditionally-minded director, Wan wisely decides that the decades-old tradition of great filmmakers deciding that scientific accuracy is for losers (and Nolans?) and not really caring what human ears would actually hear is probably not a thing to abandon at this time.

The result is what Neil DeGrasse Tyson might call 'disregarding science' and what I might call 'making an entertaining film.' The underwater action is engaging and epic, and every single frame of this film looks like a freaking Van Gogh as far as color goes. Where Snyder's DC offerings employed the vast range of color one might find in, say, a zebra, or a weekday newspaper, Wan uses revolutionary new techniques like 'orange,' 'bright blue,' and 'not actively desaturating your entire film.' He's got a keen sense of colorful beauty and contrast, and the movie is stunning.

Don't expect a particularly interesting plot; the quest and the story as a whole were fairly by-the-numbers. Neither should you anticipate any clever dialogue; the characters stumble their way through unnatural lines and gobs of exposition in a good half of the film's key exchanges. What you should expect to see, but not be blown away by, is some themes. I'll get into exactly what those themes are in the spoiler section below, because they are somewhat spoilery. And you definitely won't guess the entire plot by the end of the first act.

Though Aquaman isn't too deep, it's a heck of a lot of fun to watch and quite an enjoyable experience. I really do recommend that you go see this movie, if you enjoy fun action and pretty pictures. Also if you are a person who likes to mock the character of Aquaman, because I'm 90% sure that's the target audience.

3 out of 6 pretty pictures.

Friendly neighborhood Aquaman:

This film is not too family-friendly. There is a fair amount of swearing and foul language. If you want a fun movie you can take your kids to, go see Spider-Verse.

SPOILER ALERT: The review will discuss spoilers from here on out.

I mentioned that this film has some themes to it, which aren't exactly clear or well-realized. The first and most obvious of these is the uniting of two worlds which are completely alien to one another. This is the theme that is central to the first and last scenes of the film. In the former, a man from our world meets a woman from theirs as Aquaman narrates about ships meeting each other without any discernible force to propel them. The clash of cultures is evident in the opening sequence more than in any of the rest of the film. In the film's closing moments, too, we see these two representatives of completely different worlds coming together at long last, after what we know has been many years of waiting and longing.

The issue is that this particular theme doesn't really come across very well in the rest of the film. There are loads of situations and dynamics that on paper carry the theme, but in the context of the movie and the way it felt, it doesn't come through almost at all. Aquaman and Mera, themselves a pair from two worlds, are chased by both surface dwellers (Manta) and Atlanteans. They fight both on land and in the sea. And Mera clashes with the humans' culture almost as much as Arthur does with the Atlanteans'. Yet because the quest itself is entirely Atlantean in nature, and because the classically sci-fi world of Atlantis isn't too far off from other sci-fi worlds, which do center around humans, we don't really feel the blending of two worlds. Had the Atlanteans felt more alien, and the plot involved the human world more significantly, this theme would have been much more strong a presence.

The other theme I feel warrants particular scrutiny is that of a great unifier - or a hero - de-escalating conflict instead of escalating it. Interestingly enough, this unifier/hero is not Aquaman. The film's central character always escalates the conflict, at every turn of the plot. It is instead Atlanna (Nicole Kidman) who truly exemplifies this. If you think about it, every effect the character has on the film is to bring peace and unity, not chaos and conflict. She leaves Tom and Arthur in order to protect them. She tries to teach Orm and Mera, and Arthur when he finally meets her, to be better. And in the end, she arrives to end the conflict, saving the life of the film's antagonist. At key points, Atlanna brings people together and gets them to be more peaceful.

The issue with this theme is also that it's not overt enough. For this to be real and feel like it matters, Aquaman would've had to oppose it more directly at the start, and be convinced more significantly to act otherwise by the end. Instead, Arthur fights his way out of every situation right up until the end, and doesn't really show enough signs of having grown. The only thing he does even remotely displaying a change is his refusal to kill Orm, which is a more merciful act than his abandonment of Manta's father early on. Yet this is not particularly great, nor does it have much of an impact as his chance to kill Orm immediately disappears after his initial reluctance. Even with Mera and Atlanna encouraging him to learn throughout the film, he never really does in any way that matters.

A few other themes were present, but weren't really intended to make much of a difference. These include the bits about ocean pollution, which were not as heavy-handed as one might have expected and subsequently been annoyed by, and the bits that deal with duty to one's people. Both themes were present but not overpowering, and were quite tasteful in their execution.

Real quick, let's talk about the final battle. As I said before, I kind of feel like the target audience of this film is people who mock the character of Aquaman. The reason it feels that way is that all the things that Aquaman gets mocked for - talking to fish, riding seahorses, throwing water while underwater, etc. - appear in the third act as epic moments. It feels like the filmmakers just made a list of all the things Aquaman gets mocked for and then intentionally set out to make his scoffers cheer for those very things. Which is kind of fun.

Acting is acting like you're not acting:

The performances in this movie were neither outstanding nor terrible. They all pretty much hovered in the middle of the spectrum. At the high end were Nicole Kidman's Atlanna, Amber Heard's Mera, and Temuera Morrison's Tom Curry. At the lower end were Patrick Wilson's Orm, Yahya Abdul-Mateen II's Manta, and Dolph Lundgren's King Nereus. So, you know, all the bad-guys. Jason Momoa (Arthur/Aquaman) and Willem Dafoe (Vulko) hung out near the middle of the pack. One thing was reinforced in my mind by this film - no matter what character he plays and no matter how much of a good-guy that character is, there is nothing more terrifying than Willem Dafoe smiling.

Pensees:

-So, can we talk about how much Michael Beach (Manta's Dad) looks and sounds like Steve Harvey in certain shots? I'm just saying, I had a really hard time taking him seriously when I could so easily picture him hosting Family Feud.

-I was totally not expecting the Karathen to speak. That took me by surprise. Also, that was Julie freaking Andrews!

-Randall Park plays Dr. Stephen Shin after playing a character in Ant-Man and the Wasp. Interesting franchise leap, and for that role, too?

-There are a total of six actors listed as playing Arthur in this movie, not including Jason Momoa and his stunt doubles.

-Interesting choice, going with the 'quest based on a specific series of nonsensical instructions' plot that you most often see on animated children's shows.

-I wish they'd left Manta out of this film and saved him for a sequel. His character didn't have enough of a good role in this one to justify his inclusion.

-The final battle is probably the first cinematic battle between sharks, crabs, and... Attack seahorses? Attack seahorses. Alrighty then.

-Apparently, James Wan was offered the choice of directing this or the practically non-existent Flashpoint. He made the right decision, apparently, since Flashpoint seems cursed to lose all its directors.

-Despite anti-Snyder measures such as color and a non-confusing storyline, the Snyder slo-mo still remains. Which is perfectly fine; that was never my problem with Snyder.

Quotes:

Guy in the bar: "You that fish-boy from the TV?" Arthur: "It's fish-man."

Arthur: "We've got a bogey on our tail!" Mera: "What does that even mean?" Arthur: "Bad-guys behind us!" Mera: "Why didn't you just say that?" Arthur: "Bad-guys behind us!"

Arthur: "Redheads. You gotta love 'em." *jumps out of the plane*

*Mera pulls water from Arthur's skin and uses it to activate the device* Arthur: "Show-off. I could've just peed on it."

Mera: "You based our exit strategy on a children's book?" Arthur: "I didn't read the book. I just saw the movie."

Arthur: "I'm no leader. I came because I have no choice. I came to save my home, and the people I love."

3 out of 6 Attack seahorses.

CoramDeo likes to review movies and television. He thinks he's getting good, but he can handle criticism.