#actually it should be the top of the list

[domesticgoddess22]

banana creampie

a thanksgiving one shot

pairing: dbf!joel miller x fem!reader summary: Your dad is hosting Thanksgiving this year, and he's invited his closest friends, including Joel Miller, who drives you to get ingredients for your famous banana cream pie. warnings: dbf!joel, age gap (early 20s/mid 40s), car sex, unprotected piv, daddy kink, breeding kink, cowgirl, rough sex, creampie, daddy issues, TLOU AU no outbreak, dubcon, praise kink word count: 3.3k rating: explicit MDNI

Happy Holidays <3 This is a little something I cooked up on Thanksgiving day, so I hope you enjoy it. Sorry it isn't edited yet.

~~~~~~~~

Rays of orange spilled across the living room carpet, the sun peeking through the curtains that ebbed and flowed to the cool Austin breeze. The slivers of the light that dotted the couch warmed your bare legs, still shining from the lotion you lathered yourself up with. You turned the TV volume to blasting to overpower the chaotic sounds of your dad’s cooking. 

“You gonna get dressed and help your old man out here, kiddo?” Your dad’s head poked out from around the archway that led to the kitchen, a greasy spatula in hand and your brow furrowed at the drips that now splattered on the white tile.

“I am dressed,” you contested, eyes rolling into the back of your head. You just came back from college, celebrated your twenty-second birthday even, but your dad would always see you as a kid.

He frowned, eyes closing as he shook his head in disapproval before dipping back into the kitchen. It would take some getting used to, your new attire since coming back from NYU, that is. If there’s one thing your fashion degree taught you, it’s how to dress. You wore a juniper green corset top, laced up from the front and tied together to display your breasts nicely. The top was fashioned with a black, skin tight mini skirt with a slit along the right thigh, leaving little to the imagination.

You groaned, rolling off the couch lazily, but careful enough not to ruin your hair. Big, glossy curls cascaded down your back, bouncing slightly as you stood. There was a bow as red as wine that held your hair together in a half updo, so any cream from the pie you were about to make wouldn’t splash into your hair.

You dragged your feet to the kitchen, cracking open the pantry and digging for the ingredients to make your famous banana cream pie. 

“So whose all comin’ again?” You asked, eyeing the recipe to determine if you should still double the portions. You knew your dad’s friends were comin’, they always did, but you figured you’d check and make sure there wasn’t any changes.

“Donna and Rick, Keith, Rob,” your dad began listing off his friends, cursing when a splash of sausage grease sprayed his arm. “Oh yeah, and Joel and Sarah are comin’.”

Your eyes widened. “Oh?” You tried to come off casual, like your heart wasn’t about to burst in your chest at the sound of your dad’s best friend–the hottest guy on the block. “Thought they were goin’ to Tommy’s this year?” 

“They were, but Tommy and Maria are sick, so there’s been a change of plans,” your dad said, oblivious to how Joel’s name reddened your cheeks.

“That okay?” Your dad finally asked when you didn’t say anything.

“‘Course, why wouldn’t it be?”

“I guess I forgot to tell ya with all the holiday craziness, it must of slipped my mind. Do you have enough ingredients to make your little tart?”

“Pie,” you corrected. “It’s a banana cream pie, dad.” You chewed your cheek, annoyed with his inability to pay any attention to you.

“Right, of course, of course. Do you have everything you need?” He’s half focused on checking the turkey now, the oven door screeching at the hinges as he stabs a thermometer into the near-browning meat.

“Actually, I’m gonna need more cream if I double this recipe.” You frowned, thinking about how you’d need to run to the store on Thanksgiving day and fight traffic and long lines. Not to mention, you haven’t gotten your license yet, there was no need for it in New York with all the subways and taxi cabs. 

“Call Joel ‘n ask him to be a doll and pick some up for you ‘fore he gets here.”

You slipped back into the living room, away from the hiss of sausages cooking, and flipped your phone open. Joel picked up, the sound of his rumbly voice left you forgetting what it was you called for in the first place.

“Hey, darlin’. What do you need?”

“Hey. Was just wonderin’ if you could be a doll and pick up some heavy cream for me before you get here?”

You heard him laugh through his nose. “On Thanksgiving Day?” 

“The stores are open for a half-day,” you said flatly. “But I guess if you don’t want my famous banana cream pie, then don’t bother.” There was a sweet, playful lilt to your tone at the latter, but their was a shuffling sound followed by a car door slamming.

You heard the sound of the front door crank open, as old and rusty as it was, and your head whipped around to see the very man you were on the phone with. He held a case of bears in his other hand. The two of you mirrored each other, flipping your phones shut.

“Look who decided to come back from New York.” Maybe it was wishful thinking or ovulation that was playing tricks on your mind, but you swore that his eyes clung to your hips, your breasts. 

“For now.” You said, ending the conversation right then and there. You didn’t want to entertain questions about what direction your career was going in and all that bullshit that you didn’t have answers to. “So I take it you’re not gettin’ cream then?”

“Didn’t say that. 'Course I want your pie.” He smirked at you right as Sarah came flying in, a giant sack of potatoes in her hand. She nearly jumped out of her boots when she saw you, screaming your name in excitement.

“You’re here, you’re here, you’re here!” Sarah dropped the potatoes on the floor with a thump, rushing to hug you. Your arms tightened around her, breathing in the sweet, citrusy scent of her curls.

“Oh my god, I haven’t seen you in forever! And you’ve gotten so big!” It was true. Last time you saw Sarah was probably a year ago. She had just started middle school, but now she was almost as tall as you. “What, did ya hit a growth spurt or something?!” She beamed at you proudly.

“I’m 5’1” now!”

“Where’s your dad?” Joel asked.

“Kitchen. Makin’ a mess, cooking up a storm.”

“Hey bud,” you hear Joel say casually to your dad. And then you hear him say that he’s going to take you to the store, ordering Sarah to get started on the potatoes while the two of you run out. You feel your face go hot and your palms all sweaty at the thought of being alone with Joel. The two of you have never been alone before.

You rush to the side table, dotting your lips with a subtle, pink gloss. Joel strides back into the living room.

“Alright, let’s go.”

“It takes two people to go pick up some cream?” You taunt, and not quite sure why you do. Your heart was soaring at just the thought of being alone with him, and maybe it was because of that you put on the facade. The mask that you didn’t want to, just so he didn’t somehow find out that you were dying to be around him. 

“Did New York teach you to be this sassy? I liked it better when you were just Texas sassy.” He smirked, grabbing his keys and motioning for you to follow him to the front of the house to his truck parked in the driveway. Still the same old chevy. Still the same old Joel. 

“Aww, are you sayin’ you missed me?” You liked keeping up with his playful, teasing banter.

“We all did.” There was a sweet look in those big brown eyes that, for the first time, locked on yours. “Didn’t think you were gonna come back to this old town.”

“Yeah, I’m still figuring things out I guess. New York… wasn’t everything I had imagined it would be.” The thought seeped in and you felt the pang of disappointment. 

“You’re young. You have plenty of chances to try things, fuck up, and then try som’ new.” 

The engine roars to life, and you realize then that you were freezing. But it was too late to change now, Joel was already halfway down the block by the time you really gave it some thought.

“Those flimsy pieces of fabric not keepin’ you warm?” He gave you a quick side glance. He sounded like a scolding father with the way he said it. Not the same judgement as your dad, but of a similar breath, as if to say ‘I told you you shouldn’t have worn that in this weather.’ 

“I’m fine,” you scowled, but Joel must not have believed you as he cranked up the heater. 

“I have a sweatshirt in the back, you can wear that when we get out.” He jabbed a thumb toward the back of the cab, and then gave you another side glance, this time his eyes were on your thighs. “I know I ain’t your dad but–”

“No, you’re not.”

“You wear som’ like that, on a day like today, Kieth is gonna get drunk and his eyes’ll be all over you,” his face scrunched in disgust.

“I can handle Kieth,” you snorted. Kieth was your dad’s other friend, one that has been blatantly lusting after you every time you’ve come to visit. Your dad never seemed to notice, but it seemed like Joel had.

“Or…” You teased, lips pulling into a cat-like smile. “I can just let him look at me, if he wants to. He’s a decent looking guy, could probably use a little fun since he’s been divorced for what, two years now? Three?” In all honesty, if Kieth hadn’t been standing next to Joel every time he came around, you’d probably think he was the hottest guy on the block.

Joel’s grip around the steering wheel tightened. “You like him?”

“I dunno. I’m young, I don’t know what I want. I have plenty of time to fuck up.”

“My advice to you? Don’t fuck up with Keith. Guy’s a fuckin’ mess. And your dad would probably kill him.”

Your head slams back against the headrest and you let out a roaring laugh. “My dad wouldn’t even notice.” 

“He would.”

“Well, then who should I fuck up with then?”

“That’s for you to decide, darlin’.” Joel’s voice was low, his sweet Texan tang like music to your ears.

“But not really because you said I can’t have Keith, so who does that leave me with? You?” You bit your lip and smiled while Joel continued to look straight ahead at the open road. “I guess it’s only fair. It’s only been three years since Kieth’s divorce, but it’s been nearly a decade for you.”

It was quiet for a minute, and you worried that you pushed to far. Flirted to hard. You waited for him to scold you, say something and make you feel ashamed for your advances and commenting on his failed marriage.

“You’re gonna piss off your old man, sleepin’ with all his friends,” Joel finally said, and it was that comment that gave you the opening to press forward. Joel put the car in park when you pulled up to the country market, the lot nearly empty. Not quite as a packed as you thought it’d be. 

“Not all of them.” Your gaze bore down at his lap and then slowly, slowly let your eyes roam up his chest until you met his, lookin up at his through thick lashes, biting your lip. “Just one.”

He shifted in his seat, cracking open the chevy door. “Let’s get your cream.”

You wore Joel’s sweatshirt, just like he told you to. It smelled like him, a musky, woody scent that made your pulse quicken with each inhale. He trailed behind you as you all but skipped down the aisles, heading straight for the cream. You grabbed another set of bananas too, just in case you needed to top off the pie. Joel was eerily silent the entire time, and you hoped it was because he was horny, not becuase he was mad. Or maybe it was a little bit of both. You smiled devilishly at the thought.

When you dropped the bananas and cream on the belt, you pulled out a few bucks to pay for it all, but Joel’s wallet was already out, handing the cashier a few bills. “Hey, I was gonna pay for it.”

The cashier, a kind old woman, bless her soul, just smiled at the two of you. “Let daddy pay.” Your face dropped and Joel stiffened, grabbing the receipt and storming out. You tail after him, but his footsteps eat the ground, and you’re practically running to keep up.

“Woah, woah, woah! Slowdown their cowboy, I’m not used to running this much.” 

He flung the door open, jumped in the truck and took a long, deep breath. He was silent again. Joel was always a man of few words, and you always wondered what he was thinking. There were times over summer break–when you’d come back to visit, wearing nothing but a string bikini while you splashed around in his pool–you wondered if he thought of you. 

“Is everything okay?” You tore his sweatshirt off, feeling the heat build up on your skin now that something was amiss with Joel.

Joel groaned quietly, letting his elbow rest on the side door and burying his eyes in his left palm. 

“You’re so young. We shouldn’t be… shouldn’t be talkin’ like this. It ain’t right.”

“I thought we were just havin’ fun.” You said, eyebrows stitching inward at the fear of rejection.

“Yeah. Yeah, it’s fun.”

“Then what’s the problem?” An innocent question, and then your eyes trailed back down to his pants and it was then that you realized you didn’t need an answer.

“Seeing you, prancing around in your little fuckin’ skirt and your shirt that barely covers your tits… fuck. I–that’s part of why I gave you my sweatshirt. So I didn’t have to look at you and torture myself anymore.” He starts, slowly turning his gaze to look at you. “But it didn’t make a difference. You… are so fuckin’ gorgeous I can’t hide my desire. Can’t go back to your dad’s like this.” He buried his face in his palm again, wishing away his erection. 

Wetness pooled between your thighs at his confession. You felt your mouth water as you eyed the length of him through his jean, a pulsing throbbing mass that you’d give anything to have a taste of.

“Then let’s not go back like that.”

He turned back to you, slowly. You exchanged a look of mutual agreement, and as he opened his mouth to respond, you slid a leg over him and perched yourself on his lap, straddling him. Feeling the heat of him through the fabric of your panties. He rolled the sit back slowly, and then ground his hips against yours, his mouth hot on your neck, sucking and licking at your sensitive skin. The hair of his beard scraped against your chest and shoulder, but you didn’t care. 

“Baby…” he whispered into your ear, hands groping your mounds, thumbing the sensitive peaks. And then his mouth was back to sucking your neck, pulling soft moans from your lips as he did so. He slid his hand up your shirt, his calloused palm flush against your bare skin. His body heat warmed you in the cold november air.

Your moans became louder and more frequent with every fondling stroke of his hands on your breasts, your hips, and your ass. The wetness of his tongue against your neck. You cried out his name, begging, pleading him for more as your ground your hips on his lap. He groaned in approval.

“This what you want?” He asked, teasinglly pulling your pants to the side and letting his finger feel the wetness there before pulling away. 

“Yes, yes, please, please, please.”

And then he let his fingers slide along your clit before rubbing in a smooth, circular motion. “Fuck, you’re wet…” 

You moaned and begged him to continue, and your sweet cries left him thirsty for your lips. His mouth locked onto yours, tongue exploring you without any reservation. He kissed you roughly, like you belonged to him, and when you moaned at his touch between your legs, the rumbling growl that came from somewhere deep within his chest poured into your mouth. You cried out, spreading your legs as far as you could in the driver’s seat and let yourself fall into the white hot release, body convulsing as he rubbed you through your high. 

As you came too, you heard the sound of his belt unbuckling. His cock was out not even a second later, the massive, swollen head slick with precum. He was huge, both in girth and length, and you almost shied away. Worried he wouldn’t fit. But he didn’t give you time to turn back as he lifted your hips from his lap, lined up at your entrance, and then forced you down on him in one long stroke. 

“Good girl,” he said into your ear.

You screamed, biting his shoulder to hold back any other screams that might tear from your lungs and give you both away. Your hips moved on their own accord, bouncing on his cock, bigger than any dildo you’d ever used. 

“Joel… fuck me! Please, please!”

His hips bucked up, slammed into you, somehow deeper with every thrust. He growled, eyes trained on your bouncing breasts that are now exposed, the corset snug underneath them, propping them up for his pleasure. His hands found a spot on your hips, gripping you hard enough to bruise. 

He slammed into you, filling you to the brim in violent thrusts. You continued to bounce, your movements matching his but his stamina outmatched yours and you let him use your body for his pleasure. He fucked you, the truck bouncing in rhythm to his thrusts, the sound of Pink Floyd’s Shine On You Crazy Diamond playing quietly on the radio. You thanked God for the cold air fogging the windows of the truck, otherwise you’d be on display for the world.

“Come inside me, please daddy.” You begged, and then wrapped our arms around his neck and pulled him in for a kiss.

And that’s what undid him. You. Both of you. Joel bucked his hips into you in sloppy, violent thrusts. You screamed, reaching the blissful release again, screaming daddy, daddy, daddy as he took you there, pouring his white hot cream into you in an endless load. You begged him for more and he buried himself into you.

And then your body went limp against his. Once bouncy, boisterous curls now sticking to the sweat on both of your faces.

“Fuck…” Joel groaned, pulling his cock out of you. Both of you pulled yourselves back together. You combed your fingers through your hair and Joel handed you a wipe to clean yourself up. “‘M too old to be this impulsive. Look what you did to me.”

You smirked, wiping the white milk from between your legs. “And I’d do it again.”

When Joel pulled up to the driveway, you noticed more cars parked out front. “Looks like everyone else showed up.”

Keith was in the living room as you and Joel entered the house, a frown plastered on his face when he looked at you, your neck, and then cast a glance at Joel. You looked in the mirror by the door and found a hickey the size of a golfball tattooed on your neck, covering it with your curls as soon as your realized the evidence.

“Hey, look who finally came back!” Your dad strolled over, a smile on his face that you knew would be wiped away the second he found out what you did with his best friend just moments ago. “Did you get what you needed?”

“Yeah, we got the cream.”

More cream than you needed, actually.

[maybe-boys-do-love]

What are some possibly significant queer associations with St. Bartholomew for Ticket to Heaven?

I'm glad you asked!

For those who don’t know, Bartholomew’s considered one of Jesus’s twelve disciples, but barely mentioned in the Bible. It's generally agreed that he is referred to also as Nathanael in the gospel of John, and as someone with the name Nathaniel, which means gift of God in Hebrew, I can tell you that’s a gay-ass name and will also def make me cry if I think too hard about Gem's character having that parallel during the show).

Bart’s often depicted holding his flayed skin (ew gross!) from when he got martyred, most famously in queer Italian Renaissance artist Michelangelo’s "Last Judgment" painting in the Sistine chapel at the Vatican. The skin St. Bart’s holding there is actually a (skinned) self-portrait of the artist. Peek at Aof’s insta and you’ll see that he actually visited the work. It’s giving queer influence in (Catholic) Christianity and autobiographical reference, baby ✨

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Bartholomew and another disciple Philip, who was written to have introduced Bartie to the big JC party and to have traveled with him after JC’s post-post-mortem, are mentioned in a translation by Yale scholar John Boswell of a liturgy for an adelphopoeisis ceremony between two monks from the tenth century. Boswell argued that adelphopoeisis, or spiritual brotherhood unions in the pre-sodomy-law-era early church should be understood as same-sex unions. This, as most discussion of gay shit with the Church, has been controversial, although some of those controversies are issues with Boswell’s translation. There does seem to be some evidence that these spiritual brotherhoods were understood to have the potential to be sexual in nature. Either way, it seems likely Aof has come across Boswell’s ideas because it’s pretty prominent in discourse for anyone looking into gay Christian history.

THEN, although it might be unintentional, the Thai-ification of Bart is homophonic with Bath????!!!! If Bart can be short for Bartholomew, y'all are gonna have to let me stretch a little bit past Aof's official statement so Bath can be short for Bathsheba because...

Giving us another Biblical name reference but from the other gender who's THE example of coveting in the Bible/Torah is such a power move! King David sees Bathsheba bathing from his roof and has her over to sleep with him even though she's the wife of one of David's soldiers who's literally off fighting for his kingdom. Then he gets her pregnant. Then David has the poor guy over for dinner and doesn't admit to it, sends him back out and has him put in the front lines to get killed. He dies and Bathsheba mourns for a bit before becoming David's wife. It's heterosexual failure! It's the temptations of the flesh! It's one of the inspirations for Leonard Cohen's cold and broken Hallelujah! This connection reframes the queer temptations as something no less normal than heterosexual desire.

After all, David is the good guy. The celebrated little David who killed Goliath. It's essential to trace Jesus's lineage back to this most-celebrated king in the Bible for the messianic prophecies to be correct. So giving us a reference to this venerated and simultaneously deeply human figure really complicates the kind of Christianity that expects immaculate humans.

And, Bathsheba wasn't David's only paramour. Researching same-sex relationships in the Bible, David and Jonathan will be at the very top of the list. "The soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul...Then Jonathan made a covenant with David, because he loved him as his own soul. And Jonathan stripped himself of the robe that was upon him, and gave it to David, and his armor, and even his sword and his bow and his girdle." That's coming from the book of Samuel in the Revised Standard Version of the Bible, which was the first in 1946 to have any reference to word ‘homosexuality,’ using it to replace in the King James Version "abusers of themselves with mankind" and "effeminate” (which at that time did not have the common association with gay men the way it does today) on the list of sinners barred from heaven. Would David have been far enough on the Kinsey scale to qualify? Well, David had some other wives on top of Jonny and Bath, too. Whatever happened to family values!?

Of course, Bath also gives us images of washing and purifying alongside the sacrament of baptism!

The Bartholomew connection deserves more legit emphasis with Aof's statements and actual evidence for his visit to the Vatican, but how fun that the translation gave us another queer part of Christianity even if it wasn't intentional!

Complicating all of this discussion further is Catholicism's very late switch away from Latin and its more emphatic focus on tradition, hagiography, and liturgy rather than the text of the Bible. My ex-Christian fixation is on issues in Reformed Christianities (and I still love me some iconophobia, a topic with which Aof loves to engage), so I know more about the books and interpretations. I'm looking forward to the Catholic and ex-Catholic contributions here as the show gets underway. Like, y'all have been doing the most for production values of a Sabbath!

And to all my ex-Christians who can get sucked into spirals about this stuff, just remember that the concept of God is chill and all if it's just the comforting sense of connection between things in the universe, but any concepts of Christology, sin, or puppet-master deities are literally the most whack things if they're being thought of as anything more than a kind of out-there overly-simplified metaphor for trying to live a life where you can be yourself and get along with other people.

*This info and a great deep dive into the induction of the language and discourse of homosexuality in the Bible and its progressive! roots and aftermath is Reforming Sodom: Protestants and the Rise of Gay Rights.

[laconchadetumadre]

"broke all of his stuff"

cartman gave kyle aids, and while kyle did laugh at cartman it WAS ironic that cartman was always threatening to give kyle aids and then got aids himself, kyle was not to blame for cartman getting aids and he wasnt mocking him, cartman's situation is ironic and thats intented on the creators side, kyle is meant to be a stand in for the audience (since only the audience would remember cartman's aids gag).

"stole his girlfriend"

kyle didn't set out to "steal" heidi from cartman, he recognized that she was in an abusive relationship and wanted to help (because he related to her unbalanced power dynamic with cartman, hence the whole "we are all going out with cartman"). although i do agree he should have stayed out of it, i don't believe this is enough to justify cartman's harassment towards kyle.

"sabotaged his happy future with a wife and kids"

cartman was planning on murdering 10-year-old kyle, and at the end it isn't even kyle or any of the boys who ended up activating the time traveling machine, it's cartman's baby who does after shouting "Fuck you, Uncle Kyle!". It is the hatred against kyle that Cartman himself had instilled into his own family that ended up wiping them from existence. It might not be super on the nose that cartman had been badmouthing kyle to his family even since before reuniting with him, but it is definitely hinted at in the Post Covid special given that Yentl recognized kyle right away and didn't seem happy about him.

"REFUSED to help him when he was sucked into a parallel dimension"

kyle wasn't looking when cartman was sucked into the portal though, he was skeptic about the whole thing so he probably didn't even think cartman was in danger. cartman also tends to overreact or emotionally manipulate the boys so it is pretty reasonable that kyle is doubtfull whenever cartman asks for help. kyle is also usually critized for "sticking his nose where he shouldnt", so i actually think it's nice when he gets to walk away from things tbh. Also, Kyle isnt responsible for cartman, its not his job to care for him or do anything whenever he is in trouble.

"still kept fucking harassing him for being fat even when cartman stopped making jew jokes for the most part"

did you skip the cupid ye episode? cartman has definitely not grown out of his antisemetisism or harassment of kyle quite yet.

"and ya'll have the nerve to shame cartman just for lightly teasing kyle at the end????"

people are allowed to have their own takes on the specials. i personally did like the final punchline even if kyle was the butt of the joke because it was very in character for cartman.

"the reason why this episode was such a breath of fresh air was bc it finally showed kyle being nice to cartman for once and being a good friend BACK"

there are multiple other instances of kyle being nice to cartman or helping him out, this isnt the only time this has happened. off the top of my head i can list off a few episodes here: jewpacabra, tegrity farms (when kyle tried to pay off cartman's and butters debt to some vape dealer), mexican joker, "help, my teenager hates me!", manbearpig, etc. the biggest difference between kyle and cartman when they are helping each other out is that cartman is often forced into helping kyle out (tonsil trouble, mexican joker if you squint, since stan got cartman deported) or is doing so in order to make up for some atrocious thing he has done to kyle previously (mexican joker); on the other hand, kyle is often helping cartman out of a shitty situation that cartman put himself in (tegrity farms, jewpacabra, manbearpig, its a jersey thing, etc).

"cartman helps kyle with shit all the time too i mean deadass remember when he got out of the hospital bed to save kyle from the PC people????"

while there are moments where cartman's actions end up benefiting kyle or the other boys, what happens more often is that cartman realizes helping out the others will result in something beneficial for himself, just like in the very example you provided. kyle says so himself in the end of the episode "It just seems to me like we all lost in this, and that the only person who won was you" his opinion may be biased but, at the end, cartman did get to pull a very racist scheme with the whole mexican pregnant women and tacos thing and faced no consequences for this in particular and, to top it all of, it isn't this particular scheme what solves the problem, it's kyle deciding to succumb to peer pressure that fixes everything.

"yet, kyle didn't appreciate it and still broke all of cartman's stuff"

correct me if im wrong but if this is referring to that one time kyle threatened to break cartman's xbox then we are talking about "tounsil trouble" (12x1), which happens before cartman "saving" kyle from the PC people in Stunning and Brave (19x1) so it's imposible for kyle to "appreciate" something that hasnt happened yet.

"and tried sabotaging his relationship the next season"

cartman self-sabotaged his relationship with heidi, he had already attempted murder and kidnapping on her and successfully jeopardized her health by tricking her into eating junk food and then fatshamed her for putting on weight.

"kyle going out of his way to help cartman with a weight loss drug is honestly the LEAST he could do"

considering how many times cartman has endangered kyle's own health, i dont really think so. even if they were both on even terms, no one really owes you any help to get your own medical records straight (except for the health system itself but that's besides the point).

"to make up for all the times cartman was nice to him and tried helping him and he was an ungrateful little bitch about it."

like i said, kyle has helped out cartman just as many times, and kyle actually does it out of the kindness of his heart, unlike cartman who is usually trying to get something for himself.

"that's why i'm rlly not that mad abt cartman making that ginger jew joke at the end"

this is the only thing i agree with from this whole rant.

"at least they're even now"

i think cartman would end up getting screwed over a thousand times more if kyle tried to make things "even".

ya'll forget how much cartman unconditionally supports kyle

ok so i HATED how after the end of obesity special all the people who shit on cartman while blindly supporting anything kyle does were all like "ugh i can't believe cartman insulted kyle even after how much he helped him in the episode!1!1 😤" or "wow kyle is such a good person he's still willing to help cartman even after everything cartman's done!1!1!" like ok i'm gonna stop you right there LOL. are ya'll forgetting how much of an ASS kyle's been to cartman the past few seasons?!?!? (and rlly the whole series lol) that piece of shit deadass broke all of his stuff, stole his girlfriend, sabotaged his happy future with a wife and kids, REFUSED to help him when he was sucked into a parallel dimension where everyone is replaced with a diverse woman, and still kept fucking harassing him for being fat even when when cartman stopped making jew jokes for the most part. and ya'll have the nerve to shame cartman just for lightly teasing kyle at the end???? the reason why this episode was such a breath of fresh air was bc it finally showed kyle being nice to cartman for once and being a good friend BACK. ya'll are forgetting the fact that cartman helps kyle with shit all the time too i mean deadass remember when he got out of the hospital bed to save kyle from the PC people???? yet, kyle didn't appreciate it and still broke all of cartman's stuff and tried sabotaging his relationship the next season LOL. so yeah kyle going out of his way to help cartman with a weight loss drug is honestly the LEAST he could do at this point to make up for all the times cartman was nice to him and tried helping him and he was an ungrateful little bitch about it. that's why i'm rlly not that mad abt cartman making that ginger jew joke at the end bc i mean at least they're even now and it's rlly nowhere near as bad as all the unappreciative ways kyle has tried to screw cartman over after cartman was there for him.

[worldwithoutmiracles]

They were part of a contingent of friends that had no desire to join the non-magical world after graduation. They stayed tight and hung back, and the world started to fall apart around them. Before they ever met you, they weren’t the most resilient of people. And now in this desperation, they had no way to figure out how to be. And so it became a game of: what would you be willing to burn to keep the world you know and the power you have?

And you see outside their encampment, about 100 paces away, a midden heap made of broken wands and brooms, any magic item they could scavenge from the real world or find someplace else, sacrificed to maintain the magic that maintains their life. Your mind flashes a little laterally to the side - you remember the list of items that you were instructed to bring on your first day at Gowpenny, the major ones being a wand, a broom, and a familiar. And your vision pushes a little farther, 100 paces past that, unmarked - you realize have seen no familiars here other than the ones you came with.

And then a little darker, since you asked the right question. Lemli, who has two joys in this world - drowning sailors and making potions - found in a terrible way that some magic is stuff and some is people. And she has made herself 206 magic items to break. Twice.

That’s what’s happened. And the magic of this place sits on top of it all and convinces you that it’s okay, that it’s not as bad as it seems, that you can sacrifice a little more for the normalcy that you remember, that you should put away how you actually think and feel.

You felt it in the dissonance of your familiars. But what do you do when that part of you is already gone? How do you know how different you feel from how you should?

- Misfits and Magic, Season 2 Episode 4 "A Change of Plan"

[slushi-chan]

I need everyone to know and see that the criminal minds wiki lists Pipe Cleaner under nicknames on Spencer’s page

[sonknuxadow]

thinking that a lot of the popular sonic ships suck or just dont make as much sense as people act like they do is kinda hilarious sometimes because occasionally ill run into fans of those pairings getting into arguments with eachother over which one is superior and this is what i see every time

[nessa007]

billboard putting drake at number 4 and britney at number 6 in their list of greatest pop stars of the 21st century

[bigcats-birds-and-books]

Books of 2024: THE MESSAGE by K.A. Applegate, adapted by Chris Grine.

The original ANIMORPHS books were a hugely formative influence on....My Entire Life, Writerly and Otherwise, so I've been collecting the graphic novels as they come out, too!

[pureshoney]

"nope, not into it …" pretends to mull over it for a few more seconds, "maybe i could get one of those cheap temporary tattoos that last a few days so you can live out that fantasy of yours? i think we could compromise with that, but you already know that i absolutely don't mind being covered in daddy's cum all the time," as if she'd ever say no to such an idea. while dylan carried herself around like a pristine princess, the blonde would never say no to having her entire body covered in his sticky seed. "yeah, i know where i can get 'em. i can also get one of those cameras that syncs to the small one to have the video from outside and inside. really get to see all the angles," suggests, a seductive grin starts in her eyes before spreading to lips. "they would be the best we've made so far, i know it," agrees with not even a second worth of hesitancy. "i think we might actually be guilty of holding up the line too, so if you're kicking people out … doesn't that make you some sort of hypocrite, baby?" queries with a teasing hum of amusement. still remembers that first time they'd fucked in the bathroom at his bar, might just have been the filthiest place she's ever been fucked and that's saying a lot considering the list of places femme has been indecent in public was a long list. "we could do my fancy little clubs, but if you think people aren't in there fucking and doing coke … you're severely wrong, babe." of course she'd be willing to sink to her knees beneath one of the tables at those expensive booths her and her friends rented out anytime they went out, actually, the idea of doing so was enticing because of the idea that they might actually have a real chance of getting caught. "mmm … good, i wanna show you what i've been practicing for you," won't release any more information wanting it to be a surprise for when they finally make it back to her bedroom so she could climb on top of her man and bounce on his cock. ⸻ adrenaline began to ebb, leaving behind a bone-deep exhaustion that almost made her head feel too heavy for her neck. chest heaved with each breath, but the desperate edge was gone. femme leaned forward, elbows resting on homme's shoulders, thighs still quivering underneath her. "i do want a taste," agreed with a nod of her head, "but i think you should lick your fingers clean and then spit in my mouth," suggests with mischievous little giggles, "don't you agree?"

"you're not into it?" homme plays at being disappointed, brows knitting together and lips turning downward as he looks upon her, "i mean . . . i guess i can survive without you having 'daddy' on your body, i'll just make sure you're covered with daddy's cum as often as possible instead." now he laughs, because keenan knows getting a tattoo dedicated to him was a huge decision, especially when she had yet to know every single side of him. "good idea princess, you've got connections right? or at least know somewhere we can buy them?" now they've spoken the idea out loud keenan knows he won't be able to let go of it, the chance to show dylan just how stunning her pussy looks when he's pushing inside it. "i think the videos we'd make from it would be amazing, maybe our best yet?" and considering how downright filthy the couple were, that was saying a lot. but who was he kidding, dylan was made to be on camera — only this way he was one of only two who got to revel in how beautiful she looked when she came undone because of him. "oh we can definitely do it at the bar, but c'mon princess you know what kinda bar i work at, people fuck inside it all the time. i don't even wanna count the number of people i've had to chase out of the damn bathrooms 'cause the lines got too long", hues roll as he chuckles, "i thought your fancy little club would be riskier, all of your friends around us . . . " thinks he can get over the uncomfortable nature of being out with them if it meant he got to feel dylan's warm mouth curving around his cock. her request is met with an instant nod, a rare moment where keenan is completely fine with giving in to her pleas as soon as she voices them, "you look so fuckin' pretty riding me, princess. there's no way i'm gonna say no to that." leaning back in her luxurious bed, letting his girl get to work while he gropes her tits and plays with her clit --- fucking heaven. he wants to fuck her right now, but manages to restrain himself, that tight grasp around his dick enough to momentarily hold back the urge to climb up on the island himself. right now it's about her, about pushing and guiding dylan through her first orgasm of the night while he's free to watch. "then i'll give it to you, baby", doesn't have it in him to deny his girl, to pull his hand back and force her to beg for him to begin all over again. watching her orgasm was probably keenan's favorite thing, a salacious view that only he got to witness. only when he's sure that she's falling back down does he slow, smugly smiling as his fingers eventually still inside her spasming cunt. "most fuckin' perfect in the entire world", homme agrees, laughing softly against her lips. easing his sticky hand from between her thighs keenan brings those damp digits to his mouth, her taste exploding on his tongue like fireworks on new year's eve. "you want a taste, baby?"

[beneathsilverstars]

working on my designs for young odile and gf(?), and coming up with clothes is so stressful... i know id5 probably just drew whatever looked cool but i am sitting here like b but how am i supposed to decide what they'd wear if i don't know the socio-political context, fashion is a cultural conversation not to mention a product of supply chains and labor !!!!

[omegasmileyface]

my fucking VISIONS for phantoms keep. grrrr grrrrrrrrrr

[a-moth-to-the-light]

Current Top Ten 2NE1 Songs

Okay, I mentioned "Gotta Be You" a little while ago, and I've been streaming 2NE1's discography nonstop since then. So now I have to impulse-write this one, because I forgot how much I love their music and I absolutely must screech about it!! I think EXID is my favorite second-gen group, actually, but 2NE1 is a very close second--they have the kind of star power that I'm completely in awe of. I got into 2NE1 in 2020, via Angelina from ktube, so I've never experienced a comeback from them (though let's just say Park Bom's "Do Re Mi Fa Sol" took over my life for a good while when it came out), but I've still made so many memories with their music over the past four years & have plenty to say about it!

1. Gotta Be You

One of those perfect pop songs--it's almost four minutes long (cue the cheering from fifth-gen stans!!), and each moment feels perfectly engineered to be a dopamine rush all on its own. It's bright and full of life, and even after four years of being a mainstay on my playlists, I still find myself obsessing over this one.

2. Fire

This could easily be my favorite debut ever, though I'd hate to overlook Lucy's "Flowering" like that! The 2NE1 ladies are SO commanding in this song, and it's crammed full of hooks that have stood the test of time. Even with its quilted-together approach to song structure, "Fire" is pretty much infinitely danceable & never feels jarring. It's a similar style of campy dance-pop to 4Minute's debut with "Hot Issue" (which I also love), but "Fire" is constructed so much more carefully--it has an incessant energy that "Hot Issue" doesn't, and it shows off 2NE1's capabilities so impressively!

3. Lonely

This is definitely the most obvious pick here--of course "Lonely" is in the top three. For newbies: before Blackpink's "Stay", there was 2NE1's "Lonely". This one is such an easy listen, a comforting ballad that never tests your patience. Its hook isn't a big final chorus that you have to wait for, it's the steady presence of the chorus throughout the song that's so simple, yet so satisfying. Though this may not be what you expect from a hit 2NE1 song, it's iconic in its own way.

4. Come Back Home - Unplugged Ver.

If you've ever heard me talk about Blackpink's "Whistle - Acoustic Ver", this should come as no surprise! These two songs occupy similar spaces in my mind. I love that we got this unplugged version, without the beat drop, because it really gives the sadness and longing of "Come Back Home" room to breathe. And the 2NE1 ladies really take advantage of that, too--their line deliveries are crammed with interesting details that really make this track special. Also, CL's rap over acoustic guitar is such a highlight.

5. It Hurts (I usually listen to the Japanese version!)

Yes, this is the third ballad in a row, sorry! This one took me a while to get, but now I'm wailing "YOU'RE NOT MINE ANYMORE !!!!!" right along with them. This whole song is one really slow build, so it took me a while to find the patience for it--but the payoff, with those big emotive high notes, is so worth it.

6. Scream

You really have to look past the second-gen cringe for this one, but I'm more than willing, because "Scream" has quite a bit of depth to it behind that grating post-chorus. This is the best use of Park Bom's vocals like, ever, I think--she sets the chorus on fire. And that bridge is heavenly; after CL's first "I fell in love", my heart melts.

7. Don't Cry (Park Bom solo)

This song saved a friendship for me once, funny enough. I know not everyone loves Park Bom's voice as much as I do--she doesn't have the range of abilities that a lot of other vocalists do, so I get it--but I find her performance here, paired with that fuzzy early-2010's production, just so wonderfully soothing.

8. Ugly

A once-in-a-generation kind of chorus, and 2NE1 have the vocals to back it up.

9. Falling in Love

Yeah, sue me, "Falling in Love" is in the top ten. This is trash, sure, but it's exactly my kind of trash. For being as annoying as it is, this song has some legitimately gorgeous vocal sections, too (what is this, an NCT song?). Like, Minzy's voice in the verses? Oh my god. And CL's first-verse rap may well be 2NE1's best--it's fast-paced but sooo catchy, it flows easily but has quite a bit of kick to it. In conclusion, I can see how people think this is an absolute abomination, but I've never had a bad time listening to it--and I listen to it a lot, believe it or not!

10. Please Don't Go (CL & Minzy)

After I heard the chorus once, I knew I'd never be able to stay away from this song. Be warned: the second-gen cringe is strong here, so this won't be for everyone, but CL & Minzy really perform the hell out of it--they bring "Please Don't Go" some clarity, and it ends up a really addictive pop anthem! And that final chorus, when the vocals (the HARMONIES!!!) get to take center stage?? This song is a gem, truly.

Honorable Mentions: You & I (Park Bom solo), Hate You, Missing You, I am the best (obligatory), I Love You, Hello Bitches (CL solo), Spring (Park Bom & Dara), Lovely (Minzy solo) (there's also a Tagalog version of this one, which is so cool!)

[spaghett-onaplate]

it's literally not a good idea in any way shape or form but I want to get a second job in fast food

[devondespresso]

i haven't seen anyone talk about it (PLEASE TELL ME IF ANYONE HAS PLEASE) but Robin and Argyle would be such great friends

[tea-cat-arts]

Aight, I present my honkai tier list as of the end of part 1. Tier meanings may or may not be explained in the tags. Also, if I left someone important off, its cuz the template I was using was just a wall of faces and I was getting eye strain trying to sort through them

Edit: I made a mistake. Seele should be in blorbo bleebus tier

[chitsangenthusiast]

tagged by @paddington-two!! truly, i uncovered the best songs to vibe to when daydreaming about one specific pairing lol

tagging @drive @haroldtea @nieniekoto @aldergroves @3cosmicfrogs @luzho and anyone else who wants to i love seeing seeing these lists!!

receiptify