#actually it must be because i've read too much shoujo manga

[waitmyturtles]

I was reading your meta posts on how you're watching older thai bls to get an understanding of where they come from and looking at the works you've seen and yet to see, it makes me really see that somehow i managed to be there for the start and kinda rise of thai bl dramas, where we used to get (1) bl a year, skip seeing a lot of the growing pains drama live and now am back to bls when they're doing some of their best works and also so much quantity in bls to choose from and also finally start getting gls???

Like when you're like oh how it must have been to watch these dramas in 2016, I'm like not 2016, but 2017, but I WAS THERE with regards to sotus and sotus s.

And gods was i OBSESSED WITH KONGART at the time. And i personally think that sotus wouldn't be as fondly remembered for me personally, if sotus s didn't exist. Because for me, i really liked sotus s more and it's still the part (along with the our skyy ep) I've rewatched more over the actual SOTUS drama. That's also probably because i love seeing more established relationship in dramas lol

And while i can't comment on krust acting because it HAS been quite a while since i last rewatched sotus or sotus s, I'd say with regards to arthit, i like him a lot better in sotus s than in sotus. Do with that what you will lol

And i think it's a large part of how it was my first thai bl and the nostalgia of it is part of why i still look back on it fondly despite all the problems i can see in it now, looking back. Same with petekao in dark blue kiss and love me again.

Like when i came back to watching bls in 2022 (after a lengthy break of not watching them 2019-22) you what blew my mind the most? Not the quality of bls because that, i realised, AFTER i watched the shows. But the SHEER QUANTITY of them.

Like if you told the me that was watching sotus that something as awesome as February of this year where i had quality ongoing bl dramas to watch from MONDAY TO SATURDAY I'd be like don't be delusional that wouldn't happen EVER.

Oh how i love to be proven wrong and i see I'm yet again going off on an unrelated tangent.

I think that's part why ppl who started watching bls with 2gether look back at it so fondly despite i personally finding it a good bl but not worth rewatching.

Because that 1st bl nostalgia is a heavy drug.

And i think part of WHY i fell so heavily into sotus is BECAUSE it borrowed from the ye olde yaoi tropes, which i personally, liked reading about at that time. Plus it was what dominated the stories in the yaoi manga at the time! So as a naive teen, it was what I'd like because i had NOTHING ELSE in the yaoi section. I also read shoujo manga at the time and let's just say it wasn't doing too much better lol

And speaking from the perspective from an asian, living in an asian country myself, I discovered the existence of queer people via these yaoi manga (my country was and still is pretty queerphobic and it didn't help i was brought up in a kind of smaller town. Small by my country standard, western ppl would probably be shocked at the population in our small cities lmao) and eventually leading to my eventual discovery of my own queerness, these manga are a large part of at least the younger gen who have read such stuff in my country being at least less queerphobic. But that's a rant for some other time.

I'll stop with that train of thought before I go off more than i already have in your ask lmao.

Thanks for reading this slightly incoherent rambling in your ask lol

But anyways i hope you enjoy watching these dramas and I'll be looking forward to more of your drama reviews!

Oh my GOODNESS -- thank you SO, SO MUCH for sending this reflection my way! I so appreciate it!

As a kid of Asian immigrants in the States -- I SO appreciate hearing the thoughts of other Asians (and especially Asians in Asia!) watching these amazing shows that we love. And thank you for sharing your perspective in regards to your realizing your own queerness -- and how these dramas, and yaoi manga, helped you realize that and gave you artistic support. I think that's so incredibly important. Sending so many hugs to you -- art is amazing.

Regarding KongArt -- I am there with you. If it had been 2016, and I was a BL fan then, and I was LOOKING for a BL drama, I would have been ALL OVER that ship, and totally obsessed with it, because it was the first BL central/solo plot of a drama. (I likely would have also been far more obsessed with Phun and Noh in Love Sick, too, ha.)

My first ever-ever BL was 2019's What Did You Eat Yesterday/Kinou Nani Tabeta, and the ship of Shiro x Kenji will forever remain my favorite (not even withstanding that they're played by two of Japan's best actors of all time). I totally understand that the "1st bl nostagia is a heavy drug." Bad Buddy isn't my first Thai BL, but it was the first that truly wrapped me up in an analytical spiral, and I literally think about Bad Buddy and WDYEY on a daily basis. I love the feeling these shows give me by way of how smart and equitable they are.

Thanks so much for diving into my OGMMTVC project with me. I'm always taking recommendations. I may very well pick up SOTUS S and the SOTUS Our Skyy episodes, but only after I finish my main list -- I know that the fandom generally thinks those two pieces are better, but I still need a touch of a break from Krust, ha.

HUGS. What a wonderful reflection to read this morning. I so appreciate your note!

[offbeat-manga-ships]

hey guys i actually managed to read at least the first volume of usotsuki lily before the end of the year :DDD i didn't post before because i've been very lazy from the 25th to here, but this manga is special and deserves it! plus my little anon friend deserves to see my thoughts (as always, spoilers ahead).

and anon, you were SO right about our main cross-dressing character shinohara en being done in a way that at once may seem like classic cross-dressing boy, but it's actually really refreshing. one thing to understand about en is that he is a man hater and that is the principle used as to why he cross-dresses.

yipiee!!! yay!!!!!! i'm not a particularly man hater girlie but i support them 🫶🫶

but as you can see from the panels, what actually ultimately made me like en so much is that he is not just a man-hater, he absolutely LOVES girls and i couldn't help but really identify with that hahaha

🐐🥳🤝

also: first time i have ever seen a guy in a shoujo manga be all for feminine body hair

king! no wait. queen..? monarch? anyway, he truly loves everything about girls and seeing a manga from this time period, i was preparing myself to be disappointed because pretty much every male character who cross-dresses has that thing with makeup where they totally look down on girls who "don't make an effort" ("if you're a girl you should do at least this much" blablabla). but en loves girls as themselves. fat girls, boyish girls, he loves them all!

but what becomes the cherry on top is how that transfers to the internal feelings of the character. because it becomes pretty hard not to read en as someone who, if not a whole trans girl, is at least transfeminine.

it becomes clear that en really really likes hinata and for her, he is willing to do a lot, including going out dressed as a guy once in a while. but he still feels completely incapable of giving up cross-dressing, even if it would cost him the girl he likes. even while he does say he is "actually a guy" and is "still a guy on the inside", those statements are never defensive in the way we see some other cross-dressing boy characters utter them and it's more like a "it is the way it is", in my opinion. and when you look at the things he feels and the things he goes through, they pretty much scream trans experience.

i didn't grab a screenshot, but he loves the thought of being recognized as lesbians with his girlfriend in a couple's cafe they were planning to go. he also has that old universal problem of what to do when going to the pool or the beach. he knows people see this "habit" of his as something "perverted" and he has to be ok with sitting out from doing something fun because sometimes you both can't take having to display your body in a gender conforming way but also don't want to be seen as weird for doing something more to your tastes. i have been there before and like. which trans person hasn't...

join that with the fact that every single time he comes out dressed as a guy is explicitly just to make his girlfriend happy (he still absolutely loathes seeing himself in the mirror) and you can see why i think the way i do.

and by the way, even when he says this ⬇️ about his male friend, you can clearly see that what he means is that he likes that he doesn't hit on him.

remember, he is pretty much a lesbian in the body of a boy.

but you know, at the same time that i want to shout out transbian icon 🫶 i'm also fine with being on that undefined in-between state, hoping that this character will continue to be portrayed being true to himself and these feelings.

yeah so. we pretty much established that i absolutely love en but what about hinata? short answer is that i like her too! long answer must include an explanation why i think you shouldn't give up on her just because we start on this ⬇️

and because the recurring "joke" so to speak is that she gets all excited about doing something with her boyfriend and then pans to her boyfriend and it's a cute girl. but i think what people need to take from these "comedic moments" is that they are designed to be unserious. i believe you even have the freedom of tweaking this vision and seeing hinata as overreacting for the sake of the "joke" at hand. here's the thing: almost everyone around en acts like what he's doing is not only normal but something that elevates him (guys are in love with him and girls always come to him for advice). but hinata is in the unique position of being his girlfriend and still figuring things out and the author uses the humor of that to keep things light*.

by the time the volume ends, you can see a clear difference from the hinata of the beginning and the one we end up on in only 6 chapters. right off the bat in the first chapter, she already likes him enough just as he is to want him to fight for her (instead of giving up because he is a cross-dresser and she had an initial problem with that) and tell her "to accept him as the cross-dressing guy he is" after her initial wobble about actually accepting his confession and dating him.

she still finds him cute as a girl:

and you can see little by little how hinata's problem is more like a performative thing or "what a normal girl should think".

she might be very conflicted about kissing him as a girl, but what the author portrays as romantic is that she still does it because she likes him.

and what manga from the 2000s era would ever put such a blatant yuri moment like that??? only komura ayumi!!!

and can we talk about the most romantic moment ever of the volume for a sec???? as mentioned before, en and hinata were planning on going to a couple's café but they can't pass as a couple as two girls* and en just couldn't bring himself to go as a guy because the windows are too mirrored and he would have to look at himself. ultimately, he decides to make a greater effort to make his girlfriend happy, but then

hinata cross-dresses too just so they can go together!!!! my heart fr did a little dance when i got to this page because i wasn't expecting it. this was a real special moment to show that it's not just en that is making efforts in this relationship, but hinata, in her own way is making some too. and while i understand it might discourage some people that the effort has to be made in the first place, please remember that not only is this a story that needs its points of conflict so growth can happen, but also.. this is a late 2000s, early 10s title.

to call back both of those *'s i put, unfortunately to enjoy this you kinda have to roll with the state of things. at this time period the west might have started a few important conversations in a more mainstream manner, but the world of manga and its cousins still needed a moment to think about it until at least the late 10s and now 20s (and definitely not in any overt way aside from some things here and there). the thing is that while i mentioned how his struggles are similar to real-life trans people and that you could read him that way, the manga still has to clarify that he sees himself as a boy. that he wears boxers under his girl clothes because "he is not a pervert". that he might be like us but he doesn't Actually want to "be a girl" or be one of "those people" who do it as a fetish (whom i also support wholeheartedly). they are "like yuri" just like the title implies, but they still can't go to the couples café as "lesbians". so you know, it's still a shoujo manga of its time.

but honestly, if you already know how things work in manga, discouragement is the last thing you should feel. i hope i managed to include enough panels and explanations to showcase how different this manga is from a lot of others who deal with the same subject. how refreshing it is that it doesn't shy away from doing romance in an unconventional way because these are unconventional characters (instead of trying to balance things out by putting unconventional characters in the most conventional mold possible as to not alienate audiences). like, look at this. hinata might have started to cross-dress to fit with en better, but then she actually LIKES IT!

that was another time i was like in near disbelief because what other author would do that???

and honestly from this author, who knows, maybe the characters will get to a place where they're fine with being seen as lesbians because honestly that seems like something this author could do. maybe even include a queer character at some point. i love when an author with a taste for the unconventional realizes that from the security of making it a bit they can include almost anything in a straight romance manga ahahha

all hail!

really excited to keep reading this!!!

[dayseternal-blog]

NOOOOOOO OMG 😱😭

There I was, just scrolling peacefully (I almost never check my notifs right away),

oo, NaruHina fanart, so pretty, look at Naruto's bright smile, Hinata's schoolgirl outfit, a high school au :) ... "I have high expectations for my hero"...my hero...hmm that sounds really familiar, like I - scrolls a little more-

from "It's No Secret" ?????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!??????💥💥💥

FAMILIAR LIKE I WROTE THAT??? THERE'S A SECOND IMAGE??? Of THAT SCENE??? The one of Naruto crouching down?????

ALSO, okay, ALSO ALSO ALSO ALSO

The Shoujo magical sparkles and flowers blooming blossoming sparkling everywhere okay 😭 you know what, yes, Jolly, you really truly nailed the concept here, that is the EXACT thing happening in my brain. It's No Secret is just a super girly, dorky shoujo manga, and I'm SO EMBARRASSED YET APPRECIATIVE??? that you brought my little baby fish of my first serious attempt at fanfic writing off my brain and into the world as this fully-formed drawing that PERFECTLY encapsulates how flirty and lovey dovey they are when they're not even dating 💀 I'm dead, people aren't supposed to see this.

okay, my initial "NOOOOO" up there is because when you told me that you really wanted to draw a scene, and in no wondering of mine did I EVER think it was from It's No Secret, like THAT's NOT the fic you were supposed to be inspired by???? I thought, if she read most of my fics already, maybe like Little Samurai since you remembered that one, or maybe like Last Chance or Friend of Mine..., BUT IT'S NO SECRET???????? You even read that?????? Such an old fic?????? That's not even that good, like I did NOT write it well and

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Why is your art so HIGH-TIER for my smutty, stupid writing?????????? 😭

It's No Secret is supposed to be for readers who have explored my other fics already, and have gone down the fanfic rabbit hole, so far down, that they somehow end up years in my past, and they're so into fanfics at this point, that they just forgive all my tropey, cringy, cliche plot points and characterizations, and are just caught up in sparkly NaruHina romance, maybe a part of them thinking, like, "oh, Days was also just a newbie at writing back in 2018 haha," and then all the drama of American nonsense like prom gets these readers to just forget how stupid the story actually is 💖

Unsuspecting, unrelated people who haven't read fanfics in general or my fanfics aren't supposed to just be subjected to my shoujo-brain while scrolling on Tumblr 😭😭😭 It's TOO MUCH.

IT'S TOO MUCH FOR ME. I can't handle this. I love "It's No Secret" too much, like I must protect it in all its tropey glory, it's just a baby!!!

AND YOU GO AND DRAW MY FAVORITE SCENE IN THE WHOLE STORY.

Well, along with the strawberry date and the car scene, so this scene is definitely in my top three from that fic, and you really shouldn't have 🥺🥺🥺🥺😭😭😭😭😭😭💖💖💖💖💖💖 I was not prepared. Not prepared, like I needed a warning sign or something. Dear God, I pray that innocent, unsuspecting people do not click on the link for the fic from this art. Their expectations will be too high because Jolly's art is too good, and they will just be like wtf is this cutesy possessive, jealous Naruto and too good too innocent Hinata who can do no wrong, this fic is too much.

UGH Now I feel the absolute need to reread It's No Secret because it's been ages, AGES since I reread it, I will skip certain scenes that are too embarrassing for me 😅, but I can't believe you.

I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU. HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME, THIS FANFIC IS TOO PRECIOUS TO ME, YOUR ART IS TOO PRETTY.

Just the fact that you nailed the concept on the head so well with the flowers, and Naruto's EYE, showing how ooey-gooey in love he is, and the sparkles raining down, and and and you did not leave out the detail of how he's blushing super hard to his ears.

Like. This fanfic really is the prototype for every high school au I've written ever since. I can so clearly remember my descriptions just by looking at your art, even though it's been years since I wrote that scene. UGH. Hinata's hugging her books, like you know what. You know what. That is exactly how every preppy girl including myself held our books at my high school because that was The Look. but also you just nailed Naruto so well, UGHHHHH. I'm dead.

I adore you 😭🥺 Thank you for embracing my baby fish so warmly, I don't deserve this. Like there are so many better NaruHina fanfics out there in the world, and you spent your energy and talent on It's No Secret of ALL THINGS. Thank you 😭😭😭😭 I can never repay you. I could keep gushing and freaking out, but I have to go now 😭

You are the best, the ABSOLUTE BEST. I LOVE YOU. You deserve nothing but good things in your life, may God BLESS YOU for ALWAYS.

A scene from @dayseternal-blog fic "It's No Secret" (<- link)

This was meant to be two pages. I wanted to draw out more of the scene but I unfortunately have no more free time till next year 😭I just really wanted to draw this particular image out and put it out there (the after math 🤭):

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year~

[dayseternal-blog]

Hey, was wondering if you’ve got any modern highschool au fic recs that are kinda similar to you oh so amazing “tell me of forevers” THANK YOU!

I’ve been thinking about this ask all week, and I could only come up with one fic that had a similar premise!  (I hadn’t taken the time to read this fic until now, but it had been on my to-read list).  

Delinquent!Naruto High School AU

✨“afternoon sky” by @quirrrky - Not Rated, Multi-chapter, Incomplete.  Uzumaki Naruto has returned. Konoha Gakuen must prepare and so must Hyuga Hinata.

@shamylicious-blog I remember you made high school AU art based on fics you read?  Please give us some recommendations if you know of any other good delinquent!Naruto fics!!!

Other NaruHina High School AUs

Here’s a high school AU that I haven’t recommended before (for some reason I remembered it as a college AU).  I reread it just now and I always, literally cry in Chapter 4, like, tears falling down my face kind, I get so upset about it.

✨“you totally almost killed me that one time (it’s okay I still love you)” by @itachiboutit - Rated G, Multi-chapter, Complete.  Naruto, a promising baseball player, returns to Konoha Prep, and, without so much as even a “long time no see,” hits a ball into Hinata’s face.

Here are most of (if not all of) the high school AUs I’ve recommended in the past:

1. “Promise” by @linisen - Rated T, One-shot.  Writing on your own skin will appear on your soulmate’s skin.

2. “Accidentally in Love” by lagseeing1123 - Rated M, Multi-chapter, Incomplete.  Naruto was supposed to help Kiba get a date with Hinata, but in the process finds himself falling for his best friend’s crush.

3. “cheerful” by @vegebulsoup - Rated M, Multi-chapter, Complete.  Naruto and Hinata join the cheerleading team!  Love drama ensues.

4. “Jealousy” by Cheating Death - Rated M, One-shot.  Naruto realizes he’s really into Hinata, but who’s that senpai hanging around her?

5. “Study Session” by Cheating Death - Rated E, One-shot.  Hinata comes over to “tutor” Naruto.

6. “Chapter 25″ of “Between the Trees” by @utsus - Rated G, One-shot. Naruto is getting used to his new prosthetic arm.

6. “Territorial” by @bunny-hoodlum - Rated M, Multi-chapter, Complete.  When Hinata takes advantage of Naruto’s desperation for love, they’re both a little too much for the other to handle.

7. “Powerless” by @bunny-hoodlum - Rated E for a lot of things, like depictions of violence and character death. Multi-chapter, Incomplete. His family’s past can’t be taken at face-value, and it comes clawing back to hurt him in ways that are out of his control.  DELETED FIC.

8. “I want you to cry” by Devahhole - Rated E for everything, like dub-con and graphic murder, Multi-chapter, Ongoing. A sociopath blinded by revenge runs into his greatest opponent.

9. “A Love Never Seen” by HoneyWriter78 - Rated E for lots of non-con, Multi-chapter, Complete.  Hinata has a one-sided crush on Shikamaru, but little does she know, the moody Naruto has had his eyes set on her.  

10. “October - Horror” from “Still Falling for You” by @chloelapomme - Rated T, Multi-chapter, Complete. Hinata has an unhealthy obsession.  Naruto does, too.

And if you haven’t read all my fics, here are my other high school aus besides Tell Me of Forevers 🙈

“Flirting 101 (or something)” (Rated T, Short one-shot), “Merry Kiss-mas” (Rated T, Short one-shot), “Awkward Jocks” (Rated T, Multi-chapter, Complete), “About You” (Rated T, One-shot), “Last Chance” (Rated T, Multi-chapter, Ongoing), “It’s No Secret” (Rated M, Multi-chapter, Ongoing).

[asnowperson]

Hagio Moto's Onshitsu (1975)

As the crappiest translator of all times, even I want to do something to bring 1970s manga to a wider audience. I'm too scared to get into those long-ass shoujo epics, I'm not sure if I can last through not so long-ass shoujo manga, and some manga simply terrify me because I'm afraid I can't translate them with my language skills and lack of culture. For the time being, I tried my hand at translating this Hagio Moto one shot from 1975, and my lovely group, Decadence Scans, helped me get this out into the world <3 Click here or here to read it. I'd like to thank Kanedian, Roze and Attolia again for indulging me and working on this story. But I still need to gush over this manga a little bit more.

Hug the otouto. This is so beautiful that I can look at these panels for hours.

I've liked Hagio Moto ever since I read Zankoku na Kami ga Shihai Suru, and been meaning to read more of her. The problem is, I'm very lazy and have read so little so far. I'm basic and as I was looking through MU to choose a Hagio title to read, and Onshitsu piqued my interest. Because it checks two boxes: It's by Hagio, and it's BL. I've always read about the bishounen culture of the 70s, but I know so little about the actual BL works from that period. I checked Hagio-sensei's fan site, and this site in English that is full of old shoujo we'll never see, and bought the relevant one shot collection. (By the way, buying JP e-books is easy. Do it even if you don't speak Japanese and support the mangaka. How can you say you love them if you don't even buy their books?)

Onshitsu is basically about MC's cute step-otouto getting mindfucked by some weird-ass rose-spirit-thing. Onshitsu hits all those sweet 70s shoujo spots: European setting, blond bishounen, /fa/ bishounen, onii-san, bishounen tears, innocent kisses, creating drama while things could be solved through communication just so they can do dramatic poses, gratiutious references to Greek mythology, rich people, smart people, mystery,suffering, a shit ton of roses and other floral arrangements, bad ends, emotional conclusions... Couple that with Hagio-sensei's magnificent page layouts, and you get a very enjoyable read. This is not the best manga or anything, but I think it reflects pretty well the tastes of that time period. I mean, this is the kind of stuff I wanted to read to understand how BL tones became a thing in shoujo manga during the 1970s.

Later, I got Alois, the one shot compilation it was first published in too! I can't wait to read it. Here's the first page of Onshitsu with the dustjacket of the volume.

I can talk about every panel in this manga, but allow me talk about a couple panels/pages I really, really liked:

I had to stop and say "WOW!" on this page when I first read this manga. The way she drew Lange and the spirit's hair and bodies all entwined like that is very aesthetic and sensual. You can feel the intimacy, but no vulgarity. I particularly like those very thicc lines on the middle left part of the page. I feel so doki doki when I can see how the artist must have drawn something through the lines.

I think it's about José's straight, long hair and the way he holds Lange's head, but the kiss above is very cute. And the flare pants.

I like the despair-ridden José here very much. And these lines sound 2000% better in Japanese than I could do them justice. Seriously, I hope I didn't screw this up too much while translating, but no one ever touches this stuff. I felt like I had to do something.

My pilgrimage to the 1970s for more BL-flavored shoujo will be long and arduous, but I will continue. I hope this little contribution makes someone happy.

[milgrammer]

[ENG] Love is mine Voice Drama

Mahiru: [humming]

Es: [footsteps]

Mahiru: I wonder when the prison guard will arrive… 

Es: [enters] Sorry for making you wait, prisoner number 6, Mahiru. 

Mahiru: Ah, no. It’s okay. I only just got here. 

Es: What?

Mahiru: [giggles] Just then, it felt like I was waiting for my date to arrive. Kinda made my heart flutter. 

Es: I’m not exactly one to talk, but… I’m surprised that you can say such a thing despite being in this prison.

Mahiru: Really~? But, this unfamiliar setting makes things super romantic, you know? Thanks to it, every day has been such a delight.

Es: [sighs] What a carefree spirit you are. 

Mahiru: Ah! I get that a lot.

Es: Do you fully understand the situation you’re in, Mahiru? You’re a prisoner who’s killed someone. You weren’t brought here to have fun.

Mahiru: Killed someone… I guess I did… I can’t really deny it, can I? 

Es: With that being said, from on, I shall be conducting this interrogation with the purpose of revealing your sins. This sort of situation is anything, but romantic.

Mahiru: Sin… My sin… I guess so. 

Es: Milgram exists to reveal the sins of you, prisoners, and to hand down the appropriate judgement. So, for that reason, talk to me for a bit. 

Mahiru: Talk? Yay, let’s talk! Let’s talk! Prison guard, are you interested in me? That makes me so happy!

Es: Hmph. Trying to get me to go off track like that is futile. All of you prisoners do the exact same thing… Can't believe I always fall for it.

Mahiru: What are you muttering to yourself about?

Es: Nothing. [clears throat] I shall begin the interrogation now. Let’s see. First off— 

Mahiru: I’ll start! I’m Mahiru Shina, 22 years old. I might not be much good at anything, but please be kind to me.

Es: I’ll be the one asking the questions here! Ugh, no. I know exactly what’ll happen after that from Yuno’s interrogation. It’ll be okay. Just gotta calm down. 

Mahiru: Right. Now it’s your turn, prison guard.

Es: What?

Mahiru: What’s your name? Your age?

Es: [hesitates]

Mahiru: What’s your name? Your age?

Es: It’s Es. As for my age, I’m… 15, I think. 

Mahiru: 15 years old! And, you’re a prison guard at that age, are you? Despite being so young, you’re so admirable. If anything’s troubling you, you can talk it over with ‘big sis’ here, okay? 

Es: Hey, Mahiru. Why do I have to answer— 

Mahiru: Hey, hey! Is Es your real name? Could it be that you’re not Japanese? Don't you have a surname or anything? 

Es: I-I don’t know. It doesn’t matter. I’m Es. I don’t know anything other than that, and I don’t need to either.  

Mahiru: What? You mean you have amnesia? Oh, you poor thing. Are sure you’re not curious about it? About yourself, I mean.

Es: Not a bit. I just tackle the work I have at hand. Sparing myself of any unnecessary information helps me concentrate better.

Mahiru: Huh? But, I’m so curious about you, prison guard. Come on, let’s do it! Let’s get to know more about you, prison guard.

Es: Get to know… about me?

[piercing sound]

Mahiru: Prison guard? What’s wrong?

Es: [hesitates]

Mahiru: Hey… Prison guard?

Es: Oh… yeah. Uh… I apologise for that. 

Mahiru: Did you zone out just then? This job must be pretty difficult, so you might be mentally burned out from work. Herbal tea’s good for that, you know? Oh! Like ginkgo tea—they say it helps improve brain function. 

Es: Oh, is that so? I’ll try a bit then… I mean, no! Enough about me. We’re in the middle of an interrogation at the moment.

Mahiru: Aw, what? But, it was just getting fun.

Es: I mean, why are you asking me questions anyway? Know your place here. 

Mahiru: But… But, you know, prison guard… I think having a mutual understanding of each other is pretty important. Prison guard, you want to know more about me, right?

Es: Well… Something like that.

Mahiru: That makes me so happy! Ah… No, that’s not what I was meant to say… In order for you to do that, getting to know each other would be the first step. Don’t you think? If I get to know lots about you, prison guard, then there will be more things I want to talk to you about. 

Es: Hm. That’s true. I guess that sort of approach might be quite effective on some people. 

Mahiru: Exactly! So, first things first, you should gather up all your courage and be completely transparent about yourself. Doing so will make your partner feel at ease, and they’ll start opening up about themselves more. 

Es: Is that so? ‘Self-disclosure reciprocity’ as we call it then? But, well…  Isn’t this quite the surprise? I didn’t expect you to be so well-versed on matters related to the human psyche.

Mahiru: Huh? S-self-disclosure reciprocity?

Es: In order to gain a deeper understanding of you, prisoners, I was trying to add whatever I could to my stock of knowledge. It was mentioned in one of the publications I read during that time. 

Mahiru: Really~? Prison guard, you’ve read it too? I’ve also read that one. That issue titled 1000 Kanto Girls’ Views on Love was so good, wasn’t it?

Es: [hesitates] What on earth is that?

Mahiru: What? So, you haven’t read it? Lain’s (1) special collection of romantic techniques!

Es: Lain? 

Mahiru: Yeah! Lain. It’s my favourite thing to read. “Fashion, trends, fortune-telling. This special collection on romance has articles about everything. If you wanna make yourself sparkle even more... Then, this women's magazine will help you get there!” 

Es: [sighs] So, it was all just a misunderstanding. Ignore what I said earlier then. 

Mahiru: Oh, that’s right! Prison guard, are you interested in romance at all? I wanna talk about it with you. You’re 15, aren’t you? Right in the heat of adolescence! Do you have anyone you like?  

Es: I honestly have no interest in those matters. 

Mahiru: What? No, no. There’s no such thing as that. Being in love is like a landmine. It'll explode someday, you know? The only thing that differs is whether it happens earlier or later in life. It’ll happen to you too. Even if you don’t have any interest in it now, one day it’ll explode for you as well. All because you’ll have that fateful encounter with your special someone.

Es: You sure do run your mouth a lot, don't you?

Mahiru: Yeah, yeah. You’ll deny it at first. I mean, I was like that as well. Before then, I always admired soap operas and shoujo manga because I thought that they depicted a world different from our own. 

Es: I don’t completely understand what you’re saying, but… Being in love and loving someone—are they really that important? 

Mahiru: They are.

Es: Hm.

Mahiru: They are… More so than anything else.

Es: I see now. [shifts] So, for you… that’s what it is. Prisoner number 6, Mahiru. 

Mahiru: Hm? What is?

Es: Somehow… After interrogating several people, I’ve started to get a rough idea of it. What you lot cherish, that is. 

Mahiru: So, what I cherish is ‘love’—is that what you’re saying? [giggles] Correct! It’s not like I was trying to cover it up or anything though. 

Es: Very well, does your homicide stem from love too? 

Mahiru: [pauses] I… guess it did. I think it was love. 

Es: So, because of love, you killed someone? 

Mahiru: I suppose… you’re right?

Es: I see. So, you became a murderer as a result of some relationship conflicts? Jealousy… Grudges… Having your partner stolen from you… Those stories aren't all that uncommon now are they? 

Mahiru: You’re wrong. It wasn’t that. I…never even wanted to kill anyone in the first place! 

Es: [pauses]

Mahiru: I just… I was… just being myself

Es: What do you mean by that?

Mahiru: [pauses] Not telling. After all, I still don’t know you that well, prison guard. 

Es: Hm. We should have a “mutual understanding” of each other, right? 

Mahiru: [giggles] Exactly!

Es: A troublesome one, aren’t you. But, that's fine with me. What are your own thoughts about it then? Do you think what you’ve done could be forgiven? Or was it absolutely unforgivable? 

Mahiru: Hmm. If you can’t forgive me for what I’ve done, then there’s no point in living—to be honest. [laughs] 

Es: So, if you can't kill anyone, there’s no point in you living—is that what you mean? My, oh, my… What a dangerous species you are.  

Mahiru: Oh, no! Uh… Those words actually sound kinda scary now that I think about it. I don’t want to kill anyone or do anything of the sort! But… 

Es: Hm

Mahiru: It's because I've… decided that I’m going to live for the sake of love.

Es: For the sake of love? 

Mahiru: I… discovered how amazing it was to be in love with someone. It’s incredible, you know? Each and every day seemed to sparkle and everything became so vibrant. It transforms such mundane sceneries into those out of soap operas and films! 

Es: I didn’t follow any of that.

Mahiru: [disappointed] I have a pretty poor vocabulary, so I can't describe it beyond clichéd phrases. But, I’m sure you’ll understand, prison guard! Once you fall in love, you’ll definitely get it! 

Es: Well, I wonder. 

Mahiru: Being in love is… If there was no such thing as love, then my life would be so bland. So, if you say that I won't be allowed it anymore, then there’s no point in me living. 

Es: Even if your love killed someone?

Mahiru: You’re so mean, aren’t you? 

Es: It was your love which killed someone, right? Despite that, will you still try to love another person? 

Mahiru: [thinks] Actually,  I was hoping you could tell me the answer to that, prison guard... If what I did was unforgivable. 

Es: What?

Mahiru: If my love could possibly kill someone, then I… shouldn't ever love another person again, I guess?

Es: [pauses]

Mahiru: Hey, prison guard, please tell me. If I love someone, is that something unforgivable?

Es: I don’t know. From the beginning, I never really understood what you were saying. 

Mahiru: Oh, I see... I guess so. There's something wrong with me, right? You can't understand me, right? 

Es: Yeah… as of now. 

Mahiru: Huh?

Es: As of now, I don't understand you—that’s what I’m saying. But, I will soon. Just wait and see. 

Mahiru: [excited]

Es: To be honest, the topics brought up in this interrogation were entirely outside my area of expertise. And, for that reason, I might have to deepen my understanding of it—just as you said. 

Mahiru: Prison guard…

Es: I’m your prison guard. Even if I have an aversion to something or if there’s something I can’t understand, I won’t just hopelessly give up on you like that… Not until I’ve judged your sins, and decided on whether I forgive them or not.

Mahiru: [happy] Does that mean you’ll always keep your eyes on me? 

Es: What? Well, it’s my duty after all. 

Mahiru: [exclaims] 

Es: What is it? 

Mahiru: My heart skipped a beat. 

Es: Just what on earth are you saying? 

Mahiru: I… guess I love people who are so enthusiastic about their work. 

Es: You… You’re messing with me, aren’t you? 

Mahiru: Ah, this isn’t good. Be careful, okay? Um… Um… If you’re that kind to me, you could die as well. Just—kidding?  

Es: I wasn’t trying to be kind to you or anything like that. I just downright, from beginning to end, had no idea what you were saying. However, I will promise you this. Rest assured. No matter what you do or what you think, I won’t die. 

Mahiru: [happy sound] 

Es: Because I’m Milgram’s prison guard—that’s why.  

Mahiru: [exclaims]

[mechanical noises]

Mahiru: W-what is this? Is it because my love exploded? 

Es: No. It’s the end of the interrogation. For goodness sake… And as always, things never go as I planned, do they? With you prisoners, I mean.

Mahiru: Uh… Um… This is what’ll be extracting songs, right? But, I’m not that good at singing though?

Es: It won't necessarily be you the one singing. Your mental landscape will present itself in the form of songs and videos—that’s all. 

Mahiru: So, you're gonna see everything… That's a little embarrassing. 

Es: Well, I don't know about that. The personal experiences I see, how true-to-life the videos are and their degree of abstraction—that all depends on the person. They might even depend on how each of you perceives your own sins.

Mahiru: Is that so? 

Es: Either way, I intend to find out what this world of yours looks like. 

Mahiru: I see. I see. I wanna watch it too. Because, for me, a world filled with love will be such a beautiful place. Oh! Prison guard, I’m sure you’ll understand how amazing love is through it as well. 

Es: Hmm. I’m looking forward to it.

Mahiru: Huh? That was unusually sincere of you.

Es: I just have a thirst for knowledge, that's all. Learning things you didn't know before is quite fun, don't you think? In order for me to understand the lot of you, I have to acquire knowledge from various fields. And, that's not exactly a bad thing in my books.

Mahiru: Really? I… guess I love studious people as well. 

Es: Shut it. 

Mahiru: You’re so mean.

Es: [sighs] The way I let you talk non-stop like that, it makes me feel like I didn't do my job properly. But, I'll ask you this just in case. Is there anything left you'd like to say? 

Mahiru: Ah… Um… Just one thing.

Es: Oh wow. You still have more to say?

Mahiru: Um… Uh, you know… Would it be okay for me to call you ‘Es’?

Es: No comment! [footsteps] Prisoner number 6, Mahiru. Come now. Sing your sins! 

As far as I’m aware, this isn’t a real publication, so unless Mahiru states the official romanisation of this author/publisher, I can only assume what it might be. I’ll update it if she does. Some alternatives might be Lane, Rein, Rain, Layne, etc. Don’t quote me on this, but I suspect that they might’ve based the magazine Mahiru reads on ‘Laurier Press’. ‘Lain’ looks similar to ‘Laurier’, so that’s why I chose it.

[mooshys]

hello!! could you recommend some mangas that you think a person shoulf read at least once in their lifetime? i'm currently up-to-date with the tokyo revengers and monster no.8, but i'd like to try out different genres too :))

oh gosh, I've recently gotten myself into reading manga more this past year, so I'm no connoisseur, but I will definitely recommend some series (both finished and on-going) that I have found myself truly enjoying! here's a list:

d.gray-man by katsura hoshino

okay, so I finished reading this series recently on a recommendation (tysm maddy) and I am... I am completely enamored by it. from the art style to the storyline to the WONDERFUL cast of characters... it's just an all around magnificent story that, in my opinion, is so much better than any other shonen that I have read! there's so much to say about it, but I will be brief and say that this is definitely a must read!

orange by ichigo takano

this is a pretty beloved series... and for good reason. this shoujo seriously pulled at my heartstrings when I read it as it had a high focus on friendship and other difficult issues. there are some conflicting reviews with regards to the internal dialogue within the mc and the love interest, but like... I think it highlights how high schoolers act pretty well Lmfao

blue period by tsubasa yamaguchi

boy finds passion in art and chases after said passion through hard work! there are lots of introspective moments in this that'll hit you all at once because it's so relatable, especially when you think about your own passions and the hard work and dedication you put towards them.

look back by tatsuki fujimoto

this is actually a one shot written by the same person who made chainsaw man! gosh, I remember reading this... and then rereading it a couple more times when it first came out. incredibly heartfelt and reflective, a story that I think everyone should read as it's a masterpiece!