#actually i will explain the ptsd part later cause he was the one causing the mess

[moonlight-singer]

Moonlight memories: Anger

This is part of Ahr'in's memories collected during the expansions , mostly SHB and EW, some from earlier in time. -------------- LIST OF CHAPTERS HERE

[aroaceleovaldez]

i hope this doesn't sound like a silly or weird thing to send you, but i'm autistic and have long thought of nico and a handful of other riordanverse characters as autistic and i love your posts about why nico in particular seems intentionally autistic-coded. but i've been thinking, if rick did intend for any of his characters to be autistic, why wouldn't he say so outside of the text at least? i can't think of a good reason why not, when he goes out of his way to be explicit about so many other characters' various marginalized identities and has confirmed things like reyna being asexual outside of the original text. so it gives me this nagging sort of doubt that maybe rick just made nico come off as so extremely autistic coded by accident, somehow. if it wasn't an accident i do kind of wish he'd say so because there's next to zero explicitly stated autistic representation in, like, any media so it'd be nice to have here even if not strictly necessary. either way though, like i said, i love your posts and i agree with you 100% about autistic nico! some others i like to think are autistic are annabeth and leo.

(Most of this is gonna be kind of a tangential ramble to your point and i apologize in advance just bear with me)

This actually touches upon something I've been meaning to do a write-up on recently, which is: depending on the coding, that is our explicit statement. In most coding, actually, that's kind of the point. (Also something something Death of the Author.)

You may have noticed a recent trend across media of characters saying things directly rather than expressing them in a natural way, and often this includes incredibly stilted dialogue of characters explaining things in very politically correct, wikipedia-esque descriptions and terminology that make absolutely no sense for the characters' personalities or mannerisms. This is born out of the idea that if something is not stated in explicit terms, no amount of evidence below an outright direct exact statement will ever count - if two characters of the same gender have an explicit kiss and wedding on-screen, it doesn't matter because they never said the word "gay," etc etc.

In PJO, prior to more recent books, we get plenty of examples of characters explaining parts of their identities without direct statements. Percy never needs to say in outright terms that he has PTSD from Gabe - and it doesn't make sense that he would! He's 12! He's never been diagnosed for that. He probably doesn't even know what PTSD is really. But we, the audience, know without a doubt he has PTSD, because it is clearly expressed to us. That is coding. Tyson is coded as having down syndrome. Nico is coded as being autistic. It doesn't make sense for Nico to turn to the camera and explain that he's autistic and what that means, because he definitely never got diagnosed for it and probably doesn't know what that means cause the diagnosis literally did not exist when he was growing up - and heck, autism terminology was still kind of getting sorted out back in 2007 when TTC was published, so it's unlikely we could have feasibly gotten any exact terminology wink-wink-nudge-nudges short of something like how Percy outright mentions other students called Tyson the r-slur in Sea of Monsters. And in fact we see that same exact style of coding with Nico later on in the series. Nico never turns to the camera and says word-for-word "I am gay, I am mlm, here's me wearing my exact pride flags" (until TOA/TSATS, which... did the exact thing i mentioned about characters speaking like theyre trying to get a good grade in therapy, or giving a powerpoint presentation). But it is never unclear that HoO is telling us outright that Nico is gay. It's not just hinted at. It's there, in your face. But entirely because no one ever outright says "gay" specifically it's technically still only coding. We know he's gay, we know the characters have trauma/ptsd, etc etc. We don't need it spelled out - that's just kind of condescending. It's like if you said describing a character with "eyes like moss" means they were "green-eye coded."

Nico being autistic-coded isn't hidden. It's not a secret. It's very overt. If you know what autism looks like, well, yeah, there he is. Even if you only know very vague 2007 media presentation of autism, Nico in TTC is easily recognizable enough as autistic because that's the point. Tyson is easily recognizable as being coded as having down syndrome and it's very clearly very intentional! It's just never spoon-fed in exact terms to the reader because it's not necessary! You've already been told the information necessary to tell you what is up with this character, so just plainly going "oh they're [x] in exact terms" is very much telling-not-showing and feels redundant. And while there are places for that kind of thing, most of the time it's very unnecessary. Sometimes coding is subtle, sometimes it's obvious, and yeah there are times where writers code characters unintentionally, but the textual evidence is there, and that's the whole point.

And that's what Death of the Author is about - it doesn't matter what the author intended at the end of the day, because if it's in the text it's in the text. You can look at author intent to try and figure out what that text means, but the text is the text. A Separate Peace is a very classic example - author John Knowles denies there being homosexual subtext, and meanwhile one of the protagonists living in 1942 puts on a pink shirt while saying he doesn't mind of people think of him as gay. What the author says after the fact doesn't matter - if it's there, it's there. So Rick saying anything outside of the books is completely irrelevant. And Rick talks about this a lot - he actively tells people that his statements outside of the books are just his own thoughts, but what's in the books is what's in the books, and if the text supports it then that's all the evidence you need.

Nico specifically is a case where yeah, he's clearly autistic-coded. It's very obvious and very obviously intentional when he's younger, and as the books progress it remains a background trait of his but is still notable (except for when it gets forgotten in TOA/TSATS like everything else, including the adhd/dyslexia, but i digress). It's a clear pattern within the first few books that Rick is intentionally including. It doesn't make sense, especially for the year the book was published, for the reader to be directly told in explicit terminology that Nico is autistic, because the reader is already being told that Nico is autistic.

And yeah, Rick doesn't mention Nico being autistic-coded outside of the text, but he also doesn't mention Tyson being coded as having down syndrome. He also said one time that Percy doesn't have PTSD at all, which is very incorrect starting from book 1. Again, Death of the Author. Whatever Rick says outside of the books does not matter, because he already said it in the books. And there's plenty of other stuff in the books that Rick doesn't touch upon, particularly relating to character identity - did you know Leo is Native? Sammy mentions that the Valdez family is Native in Son of Neptune but we don't get any specifics and then it's like never brought up again anywhere. That happens all the time in the series - and outside of the series - Rick can't possibly address every single point to confirm/deny everything from the books. That's what analysis is for! And that's why my blog exists 👍

[goodluckclove]

On the Autonomy of Character (Or: How I Fucked Up and am Now Fucked)

Hi! It's me. It's Clove Gardener, the writer who was diagnosed as schizoaffective at age 12 but 15 years later was informed that they would've likely been entirely neurodivergent if not for the severe C-PTSD that those doctors in their childhood missed at the time. Oops. Turns out I just have a big imagination, and that's going to come across strong in what I have to talk about today.

I'm a big proponent of character autonomy in writing - always have been, always will be. I don't outline more than a loose conception of what I'd like to happen, but as I say that I know there's a chance that i might not. Because what I hold highest in my work is my sense of character, which often results in my characters being the ones that get to control what actually happens.

I hear a lot of writers allude to this in posts on here, but they don't go into detail. I'm going to try and explain what that means to me in an attempt to make the process make more sense to writers who prefer a bit more control and structure.

(edit: this is a ramble be warned)

For the most part it's not too obtrusive. I'll use my novel Blind Trust (E-Book available now, paperback hopefully coming out next week) as an example. There's a point in writing it that Edgar, our befuddled initial narrator, learned some information that would really come as as a shock to his love interest Scott.

Well, okay, I mused as I wrote it, he would want this to be a secret. I'll have to navigate that.

Counter to that thought, Edgar ended up telling Scott immediately. Literally, as soon as the two of them were alone. Because by then, even though I knew it would make more thematic sense, I had enough of a grasp on Edgar's character to know that he would not be able to keep this to himself.

That's usually what it looks like. Small ripples that change the current, but ultimately keep the boat riding easily. Then, a solid 100k into the sequel Migration Patterns (Also I just realized I hit 100k yay me), my cast made the biggest executive decision of the story so far.

Let me explain. Where I'm at right now, Katy Delaney and her brother are in Nebraska, and they have to drive a few states over to Oregon. The problem is that Katy is currently having her brother's house patrolled constantly by guards from Stillrush Outreach Center, the closest witch town. This includes three birthrights, one of which being Fern, a deaf ex-Navy Seal.

So that was my problem. These guards are tasked specifically to keep Katy safe, meaning they aren't going to want her to fuck off for no good reason. She needed to escape, right? That's what I thought. That's what Katy and her brother thought too. So after some brainstorming with my wife I ended up devising a ploy for them to fake a fire that would allow them to escape in the following chaos.

Here's the thing, though - and this really centers on the fact that Fern is causing me a lot more trouble than I expected for a character that was meant to be a one-off escort. The plan was to make enough smoke in a trash can fire to trigger the alarm and call a truck - but of course the guards would see it too.

Two Academic witches don't pose too much of an inconvenience - they're rule followers, they know to wait for authority. Even the two less-experienced birthrights would wait for orders before trying anything. Fern, though. Jesus Christ. Fern had years of training and an immense knight's complex, so before the firetruck even had a chance to get there they burst through the front window in case she needed to be rescued.

I didn't plan for this, but it made sense. Birthrights aren't typically bad people - they aren't all perfect, but birthright magic is typically used in the name of either social services or community good. So if someone needs help, a birthright helps - it's just a part of the culture. It definitely clashed with my plans to have Katy escape and get on the road.

And it also immediately made Katy feel like a total asshole, because of course it did. She typically gets itchy and uncomfortable around shows of heroism and goodness, even though at her core he is very much a good person. So now Clove, the writer wants Katy to book it and go on a fun road trip with her brother. But Katy Delaney sees someone who got hurt trying to save her from a danger that she made up, and she immediately thinks "well fuck, now i have to help".

So she helps Fern out of the house, and once they get themselves patched up and Katy meekly explains the weird prank and the situation it was trying to solve (Trying to keep the spoilers at a minimum), Fern is silent for a long time. Then they make a very simple conclusion.

I'm coming with you, they say.

Now Clove, the writer, the one who brought these people into existence, is like "NO. I DID NOT PLAN FOR THIS. I HAVE TO WRITE TWO MORE BOOKS AND YOU WERE NOT GOING TO BE IN THEM, FERN. WHERE DO YOU GO NOW? YOU'RE JUST GOING TO OREGON?"

But Katy feels guilty. Katy feels tired. Katy's very disorientated by how much she's suddenly feeling.

"I DO NOT THINK YOU'LL LIKE IT IN BLUEROSE, FERN," Clove, the writer, tries to insist. "I DON'T THINK THE PEOPLE IN BLUEROSE WILL LIKE THAT YOU HAVE A GUN AND KNOW HOW TO USE IT, FERN."

But Fern feels obligated to Katy. Maybe she reminds them of someone they used to know. Someone that they failed in the past and refuse to fail again.

"I DID NOT PLAN FOR GUN-TOUTING WITCHES TO BE THIS BIG A PLOT ELEMENT IN MY COMFORT-CORE ASEXUAL FANTASY SERIES, FERN," Clove wails inside their head.

It's too late, though. Clove is weaker than Fern and as much of a bleeding-heart as Katy insists she isn't. Katy agrees, and now I have two and a half books that now must at least make reference to an ex-military witch who's quick with a gun and canonically loves ska.

I don't have an inspirational ending for this. I truly don't. I'm gonna do it, because I know it's what the characters would do, and shoving them in a mold that does not fit just to appease my false sense of ego would turn storytelling into masturbation.

So yeah, guys. Fern is here. They don't have a first or a last name or any real appearance other than tall and I think tattooed, but fuck it. Fuck it. Whatever, guys. You win.

[ohanny]

more of anny's pit babe season 2 plans that'll never come true

so before i go full delulu let's set up a basic premise of belief i have for season 2:

tony is dead-dead. we will see him but only in flashbacks or as a hallucination because lord knows he has fucked with our boys enough to do some ptsd ghost fuckery.

way is fake dead. he has the perfect power to make it believable and come on, what's one more fake death in this show? like he totally thought he would die but when he didn't, he was disappointed and thought a clean break would still be better for everyone and then, with nothing to lose, started a bit of a rampage but more on that later.

anyway. this would mean the second season needs a villain and while way will definitely be in that mix… we still need actual evil. now, if i was in charge, i would pick the prosecutor. even better if the prosecutor was a woman. because someone had to be in charge of handling the mess of tony’s deeds and the prison trio and oooh, a state prosecutor would be so tasty, because hear me out:

tony had his greedy, criminal fingers everywhere. he had to. he bribed and he did business - both regular crime and selling kids crime - with all kinds of people, including high up government officials. see our boy way would go on a shadowy mission to destroy and expose tony’s network, using his powers left and right to make people admit to their part in the atrocities. this would quickly become a huge problem to all those politicians, law enforcers and justice department members who were very happy to just sweep the entire mess under the carpet.

which is why the prosecutor, a bit corrupt herself, would use her power to get kenta, winner and dean out of prison on the condition they would hunt down way. they worked with him, right? considered him family? they know how he operates and not only are they expendable, but they're very willing to do her bidding for the price of freedom and clean records. (having their prosecutor show up in the prison yard would also explain those looks dundunduu.)

and this is where it would get spicy.

pete would have also been suspicious of way’s death from the start and after certain people connected to tony start ruining their own lives seemingly out of nowhere, he becomes convinced way is out there and starts looking.

the prosecutor tells the trio this is all about locating way and then the police would handle the rest but it becomes obvious - at least to kenta - not all of them got the same memo.

pete and the prosecutor having a tense, overly polite meeting where a handshake immediately sets pete on edge. he seeks out kenta afterwards, only to find out he doesn't need to convince his brother of anything because kenta looks at pete and says “she's plans to have winner kill way before he can talk.”

the prosecutor absolutely playing into babe’s trauma, creating a rift between some of the x-hunter members. imagine her holding his hands and looking him in the eye while softly confessing she believes way is doing all of this for babe, to win babe back, fueling his paranoia and ptsd and taking advantage of that vulnerability to manipulate him.

both charlie and kim smell a rat when they look at the prosecutor - charlie hates the way she speaks to babe and kim has a nose for this kind of thing. but since charlie is busy taking care of babe and keeping the hag away from him, kim volunteers to do the actual sniffing which would relate to my earlier season 2 hc about how kim ends up somewhat reluctantly teaming up with the prison trio and reporting to pete.

so the entire season two would be like a cat and mouse game between self-destructive, unhinged way, team lover boys and the corrupt claw of the law featuring babe’s fractured mental health, charlie’s guilt about causing it and if we want some added conflict between alan and jeff, well... i could see alan, busy trying to keep his family and the garage together, blindly trusting the law and jeff thinking he's being naive and feeling his concerns are being dismissed. and boom, you have all the drama and action you could hope for!

additional things i wouldn't mind seeing:

i know everyone raves about the northsonickim trifecta BUT jeff and north unexpectedly bonding as the two omegas. like jeff saving / stopping north from doing something stupid because north is shit wasted and heartbroken and all alone because sonic left and now kim’s ditched him as well. or have one of them go into a heat with the other being the only one present because everyone else is too busy playing detective or pretending there is no problem.

kim and pete sharing screen time. kim being cagey about pete’s powers and pete being curious about kim’s motives. the sexual tension of these two circling each other while discussing kenta!

winner and dean hate fucking and, once they're done, laying side by side, smoking and talking about their future. dean talks about getting ordained to pay for his sins. winner having a moment of guilt because dean still thinks he's doing the right thing here and this will help way.

jeff trying to seduce alan but alan falling asleep on him for the sheer comedic audacity.

that grave reunion being episode 10 aka the one before shit truly goes down. sonics back, it's a good day, but pete knows way is close by, winner is stalking the grave site with a gun, way is in the bushes...

[officeshelpdesk]

It's 10 am, my stomach hurts, and I'm mad about the police!

Y'all ever hear of Ryan Wingo? Because I sure hadn't a couple of hours ago but holy shit do I hate this pig now

This is Ryan Wingo, we will talk about when this photo was taken a little bit later. Ryan Wingo has worked for the Arkansas State Police for around 7 years. A more impartial writer would describe his career as controversial. As I am not impartial, Ryan Wingo is an itty bitty bitch baby who gets off on abusing his power and harassing people!

Let's do a timeline of 3 separate stories!

In 2020, Arkansas Attorney Don Cook was at the Arkansas capitol for a BLM protest shortly after the death of George Floyd. The Arkansas state troopers had been called in by the government for crowd control, including one Ryan Wingo. The crowd of protesters was ordered by the troopers to disperse; many, including Mr. Cook, followed this order.

As Cook was walking away (according to a lawsuit Cook has filed) Ryan Wingo fired a bean bag at him. Cook then required emergency surgery to get parts of the bean bag removed from him, two other surgeries, and suffered injury to his jaw, teeth, and face.

Afterwards, Arkansas police filed an affidavit, in which they alleged that Cook walked towards the police with his fists clenched in a "threatening way". A great sign that this affidavit is not accurate to the actual events that occur is that they describe Cook as wearing an outfit that video shows he was not wearing that night.

However, importantly, this affidavit was filed a year after the incident. Cook went home from the hospital a free man, where he filed a complaint to get the state to cover some of his medical bills.

As the Arkansas times puts it:

All of this because Ryan Wingo's a dickhead

In 2021, we get another Wingo story that is partially morally grey.

On June 2nd 2021, Timothy Andrew Kemp was riding a motorcycle on U.S 70 when Ryan Wingo attempted to pull him over, Kemp refused to do this, resulting in a chase. Kemp was eventually cornered, and ran into a wooded area.

It is important to note that Arkansas State troopers are not required to wear bodycams, and I've been unable to find dashcam footage of the incident.

However the state and Wingo allege that Wingo chased Kemp into the woods, Wingo attempted to tase Kemp but ended up somehow tasing himself.

Michelle Lawrence, a county prosecutor who cleared Wingo of any wrongdoing in the incident said of the dashcam footage "you could hear what was going on from the car video. They were that close to the car. Actually, not that close, but you could hear what was going on, you could hear the entire struggle from the car. It was a very lengthy struggle. We timed it and it was a little over three minutes."

Wingo then apparently said "give me my gun" to Kemp soon before shooting him to death.

Finally, we have an incident that happened last year, where Wingo was driving along the highway when a car going in the opposite direction sped past him. Wingo attempted to make a U-turn without any indication. Charles Donner, who was driving a ways behind him, honked his horn, which caused Wingo to give up on chasing the speeding vehicle, turn his lights on, and pull over Donner.

Donner pulled into the right lane of the road, slowly coming to a stop, and Wingo proceeded to crash his patrol car into the back of Donners. He then told Donner and his wife Brittany to pull into an empty parking lot.

Wingo explained that he pulled them over because Donner was riding the patrol car too close (in car camera footage shows this to be false) and because Donner brake checked Wingo (dashcam footage shows this to also be false). Donner, a military veteran with PTSD, then rightly told Wingo repeatedly to go fuck himself while complying with Wingos traffic stop.

But then hearing the word fuck hurt wingos feewings :( so he proceeded to drag Donner out of his car, cuff him, and drag him to the back of his patrol car.

Now the best part about the dashcam video is that Wingo called for back up, and the back up proceeds to explain to Donner what he did wrong after Wingo tells them his version of events. Donner explains that that's not what happened, that he and his wife both agree that that's not what happened, and the back up refuse to listen to him.

Donner was not arrested, but he was given a citation. Donner and his wife are now suing on the grounds of violation of civil rights

This incident is where we get the lovely little photo of Wingo.

Ryan Wingo is a dangerous man who should not be given any power, as all cops are.

As of right now Wingo still has his job, and a little over a thousand people have signed a petition asking for his termination (which probably will not happen)

[joelsbloodyhands]

My Dialogue While Playing TLOU Part One 🚀

(Spending a long time in Sarah’s room at the beginning)

Me: *reading the title of her books and cds, looking at her photos, opens bday card for Joel, cries at the giraffe* You know if we just stay here then nothing bad will happen. Right? 🤗

(Ellie meeting Bill for the first time)

Me: Don’t mind him. He’s just a grumpy gay with commitment issues.

(Bill leading Ellie and Joel through the church to the window)

Me: You know “fireflies, this” and “fireflies, that”. How many places have we been to that could be potential homes, Joel? Father that child already! 😤

Bill: Well, if you’ve got anything to confess, this’d be the place to do it.

Me: *knows what’s going to happen later* Joel, we may need to detour back here later 👀

(Getting split up from Henry and Ellie)

Henry: Take care of my brother!

Me: Protect my daughter with your life or you’re toast, buddy! *killing all the Stalkers while wondering if Ellie knows what toast actually is* 🤔

(Ellie lifting her hand for a high five)

Me: *clicks the prompt button so he delivers the high five* Not about to swerve or I’m throwing you in this ravine, old man 🤨

(Looking for Ellie who has stabbed the shit out of David)

Joel: (just woke up from death slumber) Where is she?

Me: Where is my sweet baby child? 😖 (knows very well where she is) 🙄

Joel: *sees the bodies* Oh god, I gotta find her.

Me: We will, babe. I swear! Maybe if we just talk to ‘em, explain the sich, they’ll hand her back *starts crafting Molotovs* ☺️

(Ellie traumatised by what happened with David)

Joel: (has just mentioned teaching her to play guitar) Ellie, I’m talking to you.

Ellie: (experiencing ptsd) Oh yeah, that sounds great.

Me: Joel, I think we need to go back. I forgot to piss on David’s corpse 😑

(Ellie and Joel walking around the bus depot)

Ellie: I dreamt about flying last night.

Joel: Oh yeah? Tell me about it.

Me: 😭😭😭 *cries for the hundredth time*

Joel: *keeps calling her kiddo*

Me: My heart is gonna collapse if you keep doing that.

Joel: Come on, kiddo.

Me: *proceeds to keyboard smash*

(Ellie and Joel finding the giraffes)

Me: (starts crying, no really and proceeds to sit there with the cute music playing to let my faves watch the giraffes together because the world did in fact end but then Joel softened towards Ellie. They retraced their steps went back to Jackson, the fireflies fucked right off and died of natural causes, no surgeons were murdered meaning this action will not have consequences, everyone lived happily ever after and lived to an old age, especially Joel. Ahem. Turns off pc. Sighs happily).

(Joel killing all the fireflies in the hospital)

Me: You know some would call this murder but I call it intent to cause harm and those two things are most definitely not the same *throws 3 nail bombs* 😁

(After killing the main surgeon)

Me: *listens to the other two surgeons plead for their lives* Huh? I wonder *shoots the first one causing the other one to slide down to the ground in fear*

Surgeon: Please. I don’t want to die.

Me: *shoots them as well* I’m not the accessory to murder here. You are. Attempted murder anyway *picking up Ellie* let’s go Babygirl 🥰

[magicdashworkss]

The motif of Luke wearing a glove in shows like "The Mandalorian" and "The Book of Boba Fett," despite the time that has passed since the events of the original trilogy, may suggest that in the canonical version of the story, Luke never fully worked through the trauma of losing his hand.

In the canonical world, the lack of a close person who could be a source of strength, understanding, and support for him in overcoming this identity crisis, may indeed explain why Luke still wears that glove, as if he could never fully come to terms with it. It suggests that his loneliness and lack of a loving bond prevented him from completely processing this trauma.

The impact of unresolved trauma on Luke's psyche and attitude, especially in later events depicted in the sequels such as "The Last Jedi," has psychological grounds:

PTSD after the events on Bespin The fact that Luke went through such a traumatic experience of losing his hand and the confrontation with Vader, who turned out to be his father, could undoubtedly have caused him to develop symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Losing a limb often leads to this kind of disorder. Luke likely did not receive professional help in overcoming the effects of this trauma either.

Impact of long-term PTSD Unprocessed PTSD can have a devastating impact on a person's psyche and personality, even if outwardly they achieve success. Symptoms such as emotional numbness, irritability, feelings of isolation, anxiety attacks, or even suicidal thoughts are characteristic. This could have led to Luke's bitterness, pessimism, and withdrawal noticed in "The Last Jedi."

Symbolism of the bionic hand in "The Last Jedi" The fact that in the sequels Luke's hand appears to be just a bionic skeleton may actually represent how much this trauma disfigured his psyche and personality. The outward disfigurement became a metaphor for the inner maiming caused by the terrifying events on Bespin.

Lack of a supportive environment In the canonical version, he was very much alone - he lost his mentor Yoda and initially didn't know about his sister's existence. The lack of close people who could help him made it much harder to process this trauma.

I have a feeling that Luke's unresolved trauma after Bespin, as well as his loneliness, contributed to shaping his bitter, pessimistic, and isolated demeanor in "The Last Jedi." This is completely justified and has solid psychological grounding.

Traumatic experiences, especially ones like losing a limb, can have long-lasting effects if they are not properly processed. In summary, it seems that my analysis shows an excellent understanding of the mechanisms of the human psyche in the context of experiencing trauma, and very accurately links them to Luke's stance and fate in later events.

An in-depth analysis of such factors is an immense asset in creating a complete and believable portrayal of characters who often go through unimaginable experiences, but also lose a part of themselves in the process - an element that may never return. In Luke's case, a hero beloved by generations of fans, this may have happened because trauma leaves a scar, and if left unhealed, that scar can become an unbearable burden.

I know I disliked "The Last Jedi," but many years after its release, I'm trying to understand what could have happened that made Luke not the character we fell in love with at the end of "Return of the Jedi." I've tried to connect the facts, understand the nature of trauma, and view the world through the lens of empathy.

@Magicdashworkss

[anti-dazai-blog]

26-29- Ango’s epic plot armor (and other complaints)

————————————

Welcome back to the Anti-Dazai Series! I think I should just acknowledge that I have no posting schedule at this point. But the Anti-Dazai Series isn’t discontinued— it’s just taking me longer to create than I was hoping it would. Anyway. Onto a rundown of Dazai Crimes™ in these next four chapters.

————————————

When we last left off, Dazai said he now will get the government involved in this conflict. I sure hope he does this in a normal sensible way, like by explaining what’s going on to them and requesting backup, and not in a Dazai Way, which will most likely endanger people’s lives.

We now return to our protagonist, Atsushi.

After getting scolded (and slapped) by Dazai after the Q incident, Atsushi decides to stay in the agency’s headquarters rather than to go out and risk messing things up again. Kouyou is still being held there, and she asks if he’s here because he “commit[ed] some error that made [him] scamper away from the front lines.” 

Upon hearing that question, he makes a face indicating that she’s right, and when she questions him further, he says “I… I was just trying to protect them all…” while having flashbacks to Naomi and Haruno being injured post-Q fight last chapter. 

If Dazai had chosen something better to say other than “get over it” [the exact quote was mentioned in part 20-25, but it was something similar enough to that], Atsushi wouldn’t be feeling so useless right now. Because he did try his best, and there was nothing he could have done to avoid that outcome. The only person who can do anything about Q’s ability is Dazai, and Dazai was not there with Atsushi at the time to stop it from happening.

Of course, I’m into blaming him for not being there, but I am blaming him for not properly comforting Atsushi. The “tough love” approach clearly failed with Akutagawa, and even though he’s being a lot nicer to Atsushi, in that last Q scene we see him somewhat slip into a tough love approach again. And we see in this chapter that Atsushi is not handling it well, and is taking it quite hard.

Now back to Dazai. Let’s see how his government negotiations are going. 

Seems like he’s meeting with his old friend Ango. I sure hope this doesn’t turn violent..—nope, he’s now pointing a gun at him unprovoked. 

Well at least it can’t get any worse— ah wow it got worse. Dazai just staged a car crash. There is absolutely no way Ango survives this. 

I’m gonna do something I’ve never done before on the Anti-Dazai Series and include a screenshot of the manga, because the amount of plot armor Ango will need to survive this is. a whole lot. I’d really like to elaborate on this scene, but I’m too busy being amazed that Ango survives this.

There is absolutely no way Ango survived that. If BSD didn’t use anime physics, Ango would be very, very dead.

There is a lack of Dazai for a bit, as Kyoka gets captured by the police, Q gets captured by Lovecraft, and Nathaniel abandons the Guild, pushing Francis to speed up their plan of attack. 

But Dazai returns just in time for the Q incident (the actual Q incident, not just a mini fight by the train station). Which is good, ‘cause he’s exactly the guy we need. 

But of course, Dazai can’t handle a city-wide crisis without messing with people first, so when Kunikida approaches him asking about what this mysterious hand-shaped mark that appeared on him is, rather than tying him down to an infirmary bed and sedating him, he chains him up to a chair and simply watches as he has the magical equivalent of PTSD flashbacks [if I’m interpreting these panels correctly]. It is later revealed that not only did Dazai sit around and watch, but he filmed Kunikida for entertainment. I’ll get back to that later, once it’s mentioned in the manga, but keep that in mind.

Meanwhile, Atsushi is fighting for his life out there. With the help of Lucy, Atsushi escapes ((ALSO. It’s really not mentioned enough, but Lucy was the one who originally came up with the idea of the mafia and agency working together to take down the Guild. I’m pretty sure the anime changed it so that it was Atsushi’s idea, but in the manga Lucy suggests it to Atsushi in this scene. I think she deserves more credit than we give her. She’s a pretty cool character.))

Atsushi makes it to the ground safely, and now has the epic quest ahead of him of delivering Q’s doll to Dazai. Unfortunately, Mark is still shooting at him, and manages to hit him, shattering both of his legs . As Atsushi lies on the ground,with two broken legs, reaching for the doll, Dazai spawns out of nowhere and grabs it. Then he reveals that he set up a smoke screen beforehand, and he activates it now.

Sure, it would have been a lot more convenient if he activated it before Atsushi’s legs got shattered, but whatever. What can you expect from this guy, other than this. 

And that’s it for this week’s chapter of the Anti-Dazai Series!! Join me next time when I’ll probably have enough content to stop grouping multiple chapters together like this, because I wanted to include chapter 30 in this entry too, but I scrolled through it and every other panel was Dazai, so I was like “nope! That’s way too much work for today!” and decided that that’ll be a problem for another day.

[paladin-of-nerd-fandom65]

You’re welcome for the asks, got some more for you :)

1: do they give each other piggy back rides?

2: how often do they hang out besides at school? Everyday, once a week, etc

3: when Jake performs a wedgie on a goon does he pull the waistband up or pulls the part of the underwear underneath the butt up? Also I can see him pulling the underwear down causing Chris to cover his eyes XD

4: do they plus mar’i have any mental issues besides PTSD? Like OCD, autism, etc…

5: what was Chris’s relationship like with Jon & Kon when he first joined the family?

6: what’s their favorite thing to do in December?

1. Oh most certainly they will, especially after long missions and patrol nights should either of them be exhausted. Despite Jake’s insistence and the few exceptions he’s been able to, majority of the time, Chris is the one carrying Jake like that. Jake doesn’t mind it too much though, he’s quite used to it and if anything it’s as comfortable as when his Big Sis and Uncle Tim(my) piggyback carry him

2. About Every Once a week, mainly at their respective central city parks if crime rates are relatively slow or maybe even if they have their allowances saved up, at their local theme park packed with massive roller coasters, arcade games and snack stalls. Usually they go there for testing new dares in said roller coasters or if new rides are built and open. Plus also, numerous ride photos they post later online because it’s always fun to look out how much either they freak out or even not when in a coaster train going at 75 mph down 189 ft.

3. He always aims for the waistband as he has the strength to successfully lift the crook with even a single arm without any fabric being ripped apart. Plus while that sounds funny, even Jake knows a bit better than going that far with pantsing crooks. That’s more or less actually something Lian as Speedy would do with her arrows, courtesy of being trained be her dad.

4. As explained, Chris can reasonably be diagnosed with C-PTSD and Anxiety Disorder due to his past with his birth Father and all the horrors he had bare witnessed to even prior to meeting Clark.

Now as for Mar’i, she herself has so far not displayed major symptoms of mental disorders but is nonetheless researching on the subject so she can properly understand to the best of her abilities how it works and what are the best treatments when those conditions are active, so that she can be a comforting presence for a prison suffering a mental breakdown.

Then there’s Jake. Prior to his duel with Zsasz, he already exhibited some symptoms of social anxiety, especially prominent almost every single start of a school year which has new teachers, new potential classmates to meet, new expectations and an overall feeling of a differing crowds to try blending into from before, making it difficult for him to feel like he fits in.

Post Zsasz, though no doubt he exhibits symptoms of PTSD, haunted in his mind more so by the gruesome marks and wounds those poor orphans in that orphanage he investigate were left in, no doubt in his mind in betting that they actively suffered being their lives end. The fact many of those slain orphans were around his age range with 8 years at youngest and 12 at oldest, he feels a sense of survivor’s guilt and shame in that he feels he could’ve saved them had he only known. Couple that with how sadistic, cruel and diabolical Zsasz himself was in their duel with each thrust, swipe and twisting of that blade onto his then powerless self at that very duel, he perfectly then understood what those orphans had felt and likely would’ve died the same exact way had it not been for the timely intervention of his allies that moment (whether it be Chris in the revised version or his family in the original version as seen in my fic ‘Broken Wings’).

5. With Jon, the then 4 year old was curious and quickly ecstatic of having a big brother to be around, like having a brand new friend. Chris was very first was a tad nervous around Jon, afraid to hurt or scare him away with his background and where he came from. But over the course of the first few weeks of staying over, Chris started clicking with Jon all too easily as they bonded with numerous brotherly things they did together, helped along by Clark being there for the both.

Then there’s Conner, who first emerged at least in the timeline around when Chris and Jon were 7 and 5 respectively in the aftermath of the emergence and defeat of Doomsday (Clark himself actually survived this encounter but he was left in critical condition and taken to a hospital. However the press had claimed of Superman being killed in the process and Clark had lost his powers for a good while. It was in the period between this Doomsday encounter and Clark’s powers being restored did Conner, Steel, Eradicator and Cyborg Superman arise to fill in for his role).

Conner had thought of Chris like someone that embodies the awkward nature of his relationship with Clark, in that Clark was so quick to take in this unrelated child yet with him there seems being some sort of rift from the get go. Conner can understand where that rift comes from but it still annoyed him a bit. He didn’t wanna break Chris and Jon’s hearts though so he accepts looking over them whenever Clark, Lois and Kara were extra busy.

During these times they stay with him, mainly at Martha and Pa’s place at Smallville, he finds a sort of kinship with the boys. The fact they look up to him as a big superhero and are awe of his own tales of hero work while being all the cool certainly helps. Sure he twitches every time they refer to him as ‘Superboy’ instead of ‘Superman’ but it’s the thought and appreciation that truly counts. It’s about weeks of doing this and having the bond firmly in place when Conner begins to think of maybe….making these two as cool as him one day, as he’ll show them the right way of being a superhero.

6. Since both Hamilton County and Bludhaven can get a good amount of snow fall and frozen lakes that are available for skating, making snow angels, building snow replicas of Haley and Krypto and even some hockey on said frozen lakes with their siblings are what I envision Chris and Jake doing in December, let alone the winter

[actualsunflower]

I'm fairly new to your blog still, is there a post that explains Jay's plant thing? It sounds cool! 🌻❤️

I tried looking for the posts but tumblrs search is abysmal but I'm always more than happy to talk about Jay

The tldr is that it was a pre-war Vault-Tec experiment that replaces some of his dna with sunflower dna, which gives him plant like qualities (photosynthesizes, radiation doesn't bother him/can be beneficial, needs lots of water warmth and sun, smells earthy like sunflowers especially when wet, healed by sunlight). My inspiration was from how sunflowers are used irl, the Solar Powered and Ghoulish perks in game, and the plant dudes in New Vegas :)

I did also design an actual mutated version of Jay that looks more like the plant mutants but in his own canon he just looks like the regular dude I draw lol

The long version including the scientist's story: (warning cause it gets a little dark and gory)

Then, Cedric, who left Vault 22 after people there started turning into fungus creeps, starts traveling around looking for a good place to keep studying his plant-human mutations. He ends up a ghoul though, as his own experiment on himself didn't work. His failures and isolation in the vault started driving him mad. He travels to the Commonwealth, but has been slowly losing it and preforming more and more grotesque experiments on anyone he can capture. He takes up in the old Vault-Tec hq basement in Boston and sets up a lab there. He learns Jay is still alive and thriving, which means his initial experiment was a success.

Before the war, after Jay was shot in the head in Alaska he was in a coma for 3 months. He lived because of his inherited artifact powers, he is very difficult to kill and heals incredibly fast, he does still deal with a lot of side effects from it, neurological problems, bad migraines, PTSD, depression and anxiety. While Jay was at a hospital in Las Vegas still in a coma, a scientist also employed by Vault-Tec worked there (his name is Cedric he's important in Jay's story much later cause he's a ghoul and still alive) and was working on a side project. This guy was one of the scientists who was going to be in Vault 22, and he wanted to create a type of DNA splicing that would give humans the ability to process radiation and sunlight like plants, in this case sunflowers specifically. Not all plants can process radiation though, but I picked sunflowers for the symbolism part too. Because Jay was already pre-selected for entrance to Vault 111, Cedric thought Jay would be a great test subject. He wasn't able to object, he would be frozen and then released into the radioactive wasteland where radiation and sun would be plentiful to test the splice, he was the perfect subject!

Then, Jay was transferred to a hospital in Massachusetts, where he later woke up and was eventually sent home. Jay did not know this happened to him, and doesn't find out until much later when he's working on creating a vaccine that could help prevent ghoulification in people. He's aware for some reason radiation doesn't seem to effect him at all, so he does some tests on himself and realizes his DNA is weird as hell. Eventually tests show he's a fuckin plant, trying to figure out when/how this happened, he and Nick look for info through Vault 111 and at Vault-Tec hq, and eventually find records of the experiment done on him before the war. Jay is very pissed off about it though, as you'd expect when you find out someone fucked with your DNA while you were in a coma....

He starts going feral slowly, and has abducting and mutilating people, turning some of them into plant hybrids who quickly die or just leaving their bodies around to be found. Jay and Nick start investigating this 'serial killer' thinking it's a Pickman copycat. Eventually the trail leads to Vault-Tec hq, where Cedric traps Jay away from Nick and is super obsessed with him, crying and calling him a beautiful work of science and wants to keep him there to study him more as he's the only one who has survived and benefited from the mutation. The only reason the experiment worked on Jay is because of his inherited artifact powers which nobody but his dad and the Cabot's know about, anyone else who was messed with just suffered, mutated and then died or it didn't take at all. Cedric doesn't get why it worked on Jay but no one else and becomes violently obsessed, drugs Jay so he passes out. When Jay wakes up later he's strapped down (but he can get up no problem, he's very strong because of the artifact powers.. Not super crazy strong but still very strong) he gets up and in the same room are 2 other plant mutants, who are still alive but dying quickly and he freaks out and ends up putting them out of their misery. Nick was also knocked out and left in the room and Jay tries to wake him up but Cedric comes back and starts freaking out, going feral as he tries to re-capture Jay, and Jay has a hysterical panic attack where he ends up chopping Cedric with an axe as a last resort and kills him. (Nick is ok though, he's not hurt badly)

I wanted to build off of existing things in game like Vault 22, and also have a fun play on the perk system

[lunarsilkscreen]

The Comedian and Silk Spectre (Watchmen)

I have to preface this by saying: "I don't support beating spouses or women as a means for dating" and I *DEFINITELY* don't support rape.

I'm talking about an imperfect relationship between two people in a fictional world who are both suffering from gender stereotyping, PTSD, and being gritty superheros post vietnam war horrors.

It was the particular scene where the comedian attempts to rape the Silk Spectre, that I learned something, this was Eddies f* up way of flirting. And, because of where it took place, he knew he would be caught, and that was part of the game he was playing. (As a comedian, the joke maybe.)

The comic book might have different connotations. But in this movie, after the attempted rape, Sally eventually does what every person suffering Stockholm syndrome does; f* her abuser, and has his child. It's emphasized that the second encounter was not rape, and her own decision to keep her child, whom she loves.

Because she understands the nature of the relationship with the comedian, they don't acknowledge any kind of deeper connection that they *might* have.

I have to state again: I don't condone that kind of relationship, and both the movie and the comics reinforce the idea that the relationship is not healthy, and certainly not any kind of goal. And, maybe it shouldn't even been depicted.

In the comic; Her agent even persuades her not to press charges against the Comedian for fear of damaging the group's image. Which ensures that EVERYBODY in this situation believes it was a legitimate rape. And since it was the 70s, can't be damaging the superhero groups image, even though they (the group) want nothing more to press charges.

And because they don't, they treat comedian as a complete outcast, going as far as to exile him from their group, and completely severe ties with him.

It's this isolation that causes him to commit harikiri.

But even after that, the comedian's death affects Sally deeply.

Now why do I think that rape wasn't Comedian's intent. (Still not saying it's right).

Even today gender roles are ingrained behavior in a lot of people. Men are men women are women. And because women are women, it's women who are exploited and mostly saved.

Silk Spectre spent a lot of time saving and protecting women, but never got to experience being saved herself.

This is actually the entire premise of Watchmen as a series and a movie. "Who watches the watchmen?" There's a line constantly being talked about: Who protects the watchmen?

When Silhouette (Ursula Zandt) was found out to be a lesbian, she was expelled from the group too. Same punishment as Comedian. In the comics, it's explained that it was to protect the gay men's reputation in the group.

Later Ursula and her Lover Gretchen are killed in their apartment, and the minutemen aren't there to protect *them*. Nobody even cares about that part, but they did protect their group from raping each other!

These themes are constantly following the watchmen around, when one of them becomes a literal god that can and considered just wrecking humanity, and another the smartest of all paints that "God" as ready and willing to stop humanity from sinning. And the only one to reveal the truth was Rorschach.

Rorschach himself is personally tortured for a multitude of things, one is because he kills a person without evidence that he kidnapped and killed a child. (Depicted in the movie in such a way that makes the audience as mad as he is.)

I'm not saying he was wrong, I AM saying, he didn't have all the evidence.

Remember what I said about the sexual themes above? Gender roles, anti-gay rhetoric. Gays against lesbians. Rorschach himself literally wears a woman's dress as the main piece of his costume while covering it up with a trench coat.

All he saw were some bones and some panties.

Albeit, in an incredibly precarious situation.

But he never verified that those bones weren't chicken bones, and he never verified those panties weren't the size the man he killed wore.

That's the playing with those gender tropes I'm talking about. The things we don't think of when it comes to the LGBTQIA.

This gritty realism where the superheros are working with limited information, outside the law, without ever arresting anybody. In one case murdering an entire prison just to get off in an owl spaceship.

Doing the hero thing cuz it's sexy, not because it's the right thing.

Everybody doing exactly the wrong thing, because they have all the powers and nobody to keep them accountable, or safe.

So what about the Comedian?

Sally has spent her life as a sex symbol, it's cannon that she is "a big fan" of her Tijuana bibles. (That depict her in all sorts of sexual ways). The villains she captures give up, just because they don't mind being caught by her. (And it's possible that they even commit crimes in the hopes that she is the hero that stops them!)

She is both the objectified comic book hero that we complain of existing in comic books, the result of the people with high fame that are in those positions in real life, and molded with that female gender stereotype, that every woman gets to be the damsel *except* her. Because she's the "strong one."

And the comedian sees this, and not only *doesn't rape her*. Intentionally gets the shit beat out of him, just so that she can get the experience, one time, of somebody coming to her rescue.

The alternate view point being: he did it in a super hero club house, with everybody there, including Sally's closeted gay boyfriend, making all the noise to get other's attention because he thought they would let him get away with it.

Or you know, everybody was kind of a piece of shit, and f* up from all sorts of trauma.

I didn't write the thing. But it's definitely weird how the whole thing is centered around keeping one man's identity (Hooded Justice) and sexual orientation 100% secret that kinda allowed all sorts of misogyny.

And sacrificial lesbians.

[jmalegni]

Neon Genesis Evangelion (Episodes 1,2,4,5)

I am a sucker for good opening themes and let me tell you, this one is incredible, I love A Cruel Angel's Thesis with all my heart and I wanted to get that out of the way.

To get to the actual analysis, Shinji is the main focus of the show and he has quite a bit going on. His relationship with his father (or lack thereof) is a huge focus and is Shinji's driving factor to be an Eva pilot. We don't know why Shinji's father doesn't interact with him unless absolutely necessary but we do know that Shinji desperately wants his approval, he even questions why he does this is his father isn't watching in episode three. As a child, there is a desire to please one's parents and the parents have an instrumental role in a child's development. Shinji growing up without a father and mother(?) has clearly had a effect on his psyche. He isn't close with anyone and actively keeps people at an arms length explained by the Hedgehog's Dilemma. Shinji is scared of letting people get close to him because he wants to avoid the risk of pain that comes with becoming more personal. I think I can relate to that a little too much. This choice leads to Shinji's only reason to live/exist is to serve as a slave to NERV. He doesn't want to be a pilot, he said himself that he is a coward, yet he still gets in when he is told to. I don't think he has once been excited to get in the Eva to defend the world. There is a bit of development though, after he runs away, he realizes how his classmates and Misato, actually see him and care about him. He chooses to get control over his life instead of running away, which is some huge psychological progression for him.

I also want to compare and contrast this with Gundam. The obvious similarity is with giant robots piloted by children that have parental issues. That's where it ends though. There is a lot of emphasis put on Shinji's personal life while Amuro's story is much more concerned with the overall war effort. Each serves its own purpose but it does cause a divergence between the two shows. Shinji develops some kind of PTSD from his short time with the Evas and is meek and scared, Amuro on the other hand is prideful and jumps at the chance to go destroy his enemies. Amuro embodies the stereotypical masculine teenager, willing to die for his family, friends, and country at the drop of a dime. He is a "caged tiger" who destroys his enemies with extreme ferocity and needs to be held back. Shinji is pretty much the opposite, He only fights out of pure necessity, he whines and has no personal desire to fight or even live, it's all for his father and to stop Rei from being used. Shinji is not at all the type of kid that would be used as a example of how to be a man. That's ok though, he is a literal child being told to fight giant monsters out of the blue. It is a reasonable reaction and not every boy needs to be that "manly man" that Amuro represents.

The Christian undertones are pretty much omnipresent in the anime. From the angel's attacks often being in the form of crosses, to crosses adorning the character's clothing, and even the naming of the monsters as angels. I do not know the connection here yet, but I have a sneaking suspicion that it will be pretty important later on. Maybe it correlates to how the Evas are not all machine, part angel perhaps?

[shehere0202]

I don't want to forgive my mother's father

When I was in the ballpark of 12-13 when I met my mother's dad for the first time. It was never explained to me why it was my first time meeting him (though I will explain later) but my first impressions were that he was a nice guy that liked to do pranks, socialize, an overall kid at heart, and was a tiny bit crazy. Eventually he wiggled himself into the network that my parents set up with other family members for me to spend my vacations with during school breaks. during my first year with him my parents came along which is something they never really did so that was on my radar. He (my mother's dad) would show signs of having PTSD from when he was in the marines and lost his friends in NAM so my mother told me his erratic behavior originated from that. Even so, because I would get in the way of his morning vacuuming (in 4am mind you) he would push me with the vacuum and have the actual vacuum part hit the back of my head and it sucked up my hair. After my parents argued with him and told him to stop he was not apologetic at all and continued with his routine. After the first year my parents didn't come up with me anymore and it just got worse. There were times were he neglected to tell me or my parents that he had no running water or electricity so for a house that's deep in the woods that posed a serious problem. I would sometimes get sick and unbeknownst to him his medication would be at east 6 years expired, leaving me feeling worse and him refusing to take me to the hospital. Then for my final visit with him he got so intoxicated he started hitting me. Either with an empty beer bottle, his fists, kicking me when I was down with his spiked boots, or pulling my hair extremely hard. He would also in a convoluted way threaten to kill me or in his words "put me somewhere where nobody but bears could find me" I never told any of this to my parents at the time and had no intention to since he was only this way when he was drunk which I believed I could steer him away from. I never saw him again after that because of some issues my mom was having with her brother (my uncle) and him. This rift has continued since, causing my mother to open up why I had never met her father earlier. This was because his abusive behavior starts back to when he was abused by his father and trickled to my mom when she and my uncle were kids, she being the older 'good girl' straight A's and whatever would avoid being hit while her younger skateboarding brother would get pinned to the wall and also be threatened like how I was. When my mother was 17 she moved out to support herself and didn't contact her family until after I was born. Its been years since I've had to think of him and yet out of the blue he started reaching out to my mother asking to meet up with her and talk. She told me when she did meet him he looked physically worse and that he was hoping to mend the relationship. She said she didn't want to force me to do anything but the mere fact that she even gave him her time makes me feel a little betrayed. I recognize that this has the possibility of being the last chance for my mom to have any relationship with him and the fact that she has been nearly starved for one eats away at my conscience because I know if I say no she would also by default. However I can't seem to forgive what he did to myself, my mother and my uncle, and the new shady stuff he's been doing with my uncle and supporting him when he's being a monster.

Am I The Asshole?