#actually i just remembered when we were younger i got really into kpop myself

[arisfruity]

it is 10:30 pm my little brother is supposed to be asleep but instead he's blasting stray kids' social path ft. LiSA at max volume while simultaneously engaging in what i can only assume is supposed to be an intellectual conversation about the state of american politics with my google assistant

[okitagumi]

every single color for the ask box thingy 😽😼 (,if u wanna lol)

Invade my privacy. Do it.

Purple: 10 facts about my room

i used to share it with my sister, my wardrobe is about to fall apart any minute cuz it's old and sucks, i have 3 different fairy lights in there, the walls are white now but they used to be yellow and blue, there's a dent in a wall from the time i threw a chair, the message chair my mother bought my dad for his 40th bday is in my room but it's broken and i dont want it but there's nowhere else to put it, there are also exactly 4 posters of my favorite kpop girlgroup, the bookshelf in my room is actually way too small for all the books im planning to buy in the future but there's no space for another shelf, the lightbulb in my room take a while to fully light up so whenever i turn on the light it gradually .. slowly .... gets brighter, my brother's been trying to get me to switch rooms with him for ages cuz his is smaller but i wont

Blue: 9 facts about my family

albanians from kosovo, i still have relatives living in kosovo but most of my family's abroad (mainly germany, austria and switzerland) by now, i have two younger siblings, i grew up with my siblings and 5 of our cousins in one house until i was 10 so we were 8 kids in total (i was the oldest), i have about 50 cousins in total, my brother got engaged last year on dec 26th and then married just 2 days after, my grandpa was the first in our family to emigrate to germany in 1970 and he went all alone, my dad was born in kosovo two years after that and then came to germany in 1986 when he was 14, my parent's marriage was arranged and my mother had no problem with that but my dad really wasn't happy with it

Green: 8 facts about appearance

my hair's red currently, but naturally it's dark brown, my hair's pretty long like lower back length but also damaged as hell, i'm 5'5 / 165cm, i have dark eyes, also long finger nails and they're a pain sometimes BUT i keep them long because i used to be a huge nail-biter and im proud i could stop that habit, i had straight bangs for a few months but they look terrible now cuz im growing them out, u'll rarely see me without nail polish

Yellow: 7 facts about my childhood

i think i repressed the memory of most of it cuz i barely remember anything tbh lmao, in 3rd grade we had obligatory swimming lessons every 2 weeks and i almost drowned once (i couldnt swim back then and im still a terrible swimmer), i almost hung myself on accident while playing with one of my cousins, watching digimon after kindergarten/elementary school was my biggest happiness, like i said earlier we were eight kids but our parents didn't want to waste money on toys we'd eventually break anyways so we'd always have to come up with games ourselves (like jumping from a small wall onto the binbags in the backyard, throwing stones instead of balls .......), i once got so angry i whacked my brother over the head with a belt buckle and his head bled so hard he had to be driven to the hospital anyways i still cant stand the sight of blood, my cousin and i once played in our grandpa's car but one of us accidentally released the handbreak and the car rolled backwards with us still in it and the adults who were outside freaked OUT

Orange: 6 facts about my home town

it's not really a town it's just a village with a little over 3k ppl, i moved here when i was about 2 years old, then i moved a couple streets away when i was 10 bc my parents were tired of so many people in one house, my 9th/10th grade german teacher lives like 2 minutes away from me, my elemtary school building isn't used anymore cuz they build a new school building right next to it where the park was but the new one's kind ugly (and too small apparently), we have like 5 or 6 cemetries here

Red: 5 facts about my best friend

i dont have one best friend but rather a group of best friends so one fact for each of them: two of them are twins i met 5 years ago, another one has been my friend for like 11 years ? we've never actually met tho but we probably will this year, another one lives in indonesia but we've known each other for pretty much 6 years now, i've met this friend about 6 years ago on twitter too and we love remembering the beef between some of our shared mutuals and friends what a fun time, last one is also from indonesia and i havent known her for as long as the others (maybe 3 years or something) but we grew close so quickly so now instead of our names it's always beloved this beloved that .. everyone's sick of us probbly

Pink: 4 facts about my parents

im not close to my mother at all like she might as well be a stranger to me that's how terrible our relationship is, im kind of close to my dad but even with him it's more of a "i hate you one moment and love you the next" kind of thing, like i said earlier my dad initially didnt want to get married to my mother because no one even asked him lmao his dad was just like "son ... i found a wife for u" and that was that. he accepted it after a while but from what i've heard from my uncles he didn't even want to be in the same room as her at first, they've been married for almost 28 years now

White: 3 facts about my personality

im extremely introverted, doesn't mean i enjoy staying in all the time cuz i also get bored so quickly, it takes a lot to genuinely make me angry

Grey: 2 facts about my favorite things

right now my favorite thing is mahoyaku so i'll just drop 2 facts about that: one of the characters canonically fucked for sugar, another character canonically eats dirt and charcoal and plates (mistook plate for cookie)

Black: 1 fact about the person I like

i dont like anyone tbh

[limjaeseven]

Je Ne Sais Quoi 2: Electric Boogaloo

Pairing: Jaebeom X Jackson ft Namjoon of BTS

Genre: Smut, abo!AU

Word count: 2,386

Summary: Set the day after Je Ne Sais Quoi but set in an abo au featuring Alpha!JB, Alpha!Namjoon and Delta!Jackson. Basically pure smut. (Can be read as a stand alone, or the first part can be found on my blog)

Warning(s): Bondage, knotting, threesome, gay sex, oral sex, anal sex, lots of kissing, sensory deprivation, blindfolds, porn without plot

[a/n]: FYI Jackson is a stand-in for @triheartedhero​. You’re welcome, az. This fic is just self-indulgent also I myself forgot halfway through that it’s abo so expect random abo elements here and there. Also i spent an hour trying to make a fic banner and this is the best i could come up with, my sincerest apologies. Also applications for @got7writerscollective​ is open if you wish to be part of our network! Not beta read so apologies for any spelling or grammatical errors.

It was mid-morning by the time Jaebeom woke up, Jackson resting his head on the former’s chest, still fast asleep. Jaebeom looked down at his mate with a soft smile, letting his fingers card through the younger’s hair. The younger whined playfully as he roused from his sleep, curling closer to Jaebeom, burying his face in the elder’s warm chest.

“Good morning, sleeping beauty” Jaebeom chuckled at the soft kiss Jackson pressed to his cheek as a reply before attempting to get up to make Jackson and himself some breakfast but was pulled back by his boyfriend, who threw an arm over the man in order to cage him in place.

“I’ll make breakfast and come back, you’ll need the energy for Joon and I tonight” Jackson’s eyes shot open as he realised the implication of Jaebeom’s words. The younger had barely heard the exchange between the two men in the haze of lust and arousal. The elder just sent a wink in Jackson’s direction as he slipped from the younger’s arms to head to the kitchen.

Jackson felt pretty sticky from the night before so he headed for the bathroom for a quick shower, joining his mate in the dining room as he finished getting dressed. Seeing Jaebeom dressed in just a pair of shorts as he cooked, Jackson tiptoed behind the man to wrap his arms around his waist and place small pecks between the man’s shoulder blades.

The rest of their morning was spent lazing around, the alpha opting to read a book Jackson watched some random drama playing on the TV. At some point Jaebeom started working on his laptop, resting his back on the armrest of the living room couch as his legs stretched along the length of the sofa, Jackson sitting the same way on the other end, his legs resting on top of the alpha’s.

Jackson flipped through the channels to find anything to watch that would catch his eye, not wanting to disturb his mate but after twenty minutes of frustration, the younger just put on a kpop channel which turned out be showing a performance of Jackson’s favourite idol, Kim Yugyeom. An English song played in the background as the dancer started grinding against the floor, catching Jackson off guard and feel warm.

Looking over at his mate, Jackson smirked as he saw the elder absorbed in his work, not noticing the tv or Jackson’s state. Allowing himself to slide down the couch a bit, Jackson rested his ankles against the tops of the man’s thighs. Jaebeom, who had moved the laptop away to go through some papers ignored the younger’s motion, much to Jackson’s dismay. He let one foot move up and down his mate’s thigh before slowly circling his was up to his elder’s crotch.

Just before he could do much more though, a hand shot up to grab the younger’s foot, making him jump. Jackson looked up carefully to see Jaebeom still focused on the papers, his hand tightly wrapped around his leg. Allowing himself to take a bit of a risk, Jackson brought his other leg up the same way, only this time not waiting and directly stroking at the elder’s length with the heel of his foot, causing the elder to growl at the younger, dropping his papers to grab the younger’s other foot.

“What do you think you’re doing?” Jackson could feel the chills run down is spine as the elder’s voice dropped an octave, his eyes boring into his own. Jackson just shook his head, turning back to the TV, but only feeling more turned on as they showed more of Yugyeom’s performances. The younger waited for a couple of minutes till Jaebeom let go on Jackson’s legs, picking up his papers from where they had fallen on the floor. He made sure to keep his eyes on the TV this time as he once more brought one leg down on the elder’s growing erection.

This time Jaebeom grabbed both ankles and bent them, moving his own feet under himself to kneel on the couch as he leaned towards the younger. Jackson let out a whimper as the elder effectively folded the man in half, a growl escaping the alpha’s lips.

“Someone is looking for trouble, huh? I thought we could wait for Joon but I forgot how much of slut you were. That desperate for your alpha’s cock are we?” Jaebeom got up off the couch to drop Jackson’s foot and instead wrap his arms around the younger’s waist and throw him over his shoulder, slapping his ass sharply before carrying him to their shared bedroom and dropping him onto the mattress.

“I wanted to us to have a good time together but since you’ve decided to be brat, I don’t have choice but to punish you” Jaebeom made quick work of pulling the younger’s clothes off, splaying him onto the bed, tying his hands and legs to the bedposts, much to Jackson’s dismay, who hated not being able to touch Jaebeom. To top it all off, Jaebeom picked Jackson’s favourite tie from the elder’s collection to blindfold him, making the younger whine. He was incredibly sensitive without being blindfolded but taking his vision away just made him feel on edge constantly.

Jackson jerked harshly as he felt a cold hand on his already burning skin, forcing him brain to calm down as Jaebeom slowly stroked the skin, close enough to make the heat pool in Jackson’s stomach but too far for him to actually stimulate him. Jackson heard the bed springs creak before felling a warm breath at his chin as Jaebeom leaned over him, the elder mouthing at the younger’s jaw, alternating between open mouthed kisses and nibbling on his skin.

A loud moan escaped Jackson’s lips as Jaebeom made his way down to the delta’s scent gland, letting his sharp teeth nip at the sensitive spot. Jackson’s neck was always a big weakness of his, the tiniest bit of stimulation riling him up. Jaebeom diligently littered the younger’s neck with hickeys big and small, working down to his collar bone and back up his jaw. Jackson could feel his orgasm already building from the alpha’s ministrations, especially when the elder sunk his teeth at the juncture of his neck and shoulder, where he was most sensitive.

“H-hyung, I’m close-ah!” Jackson moaned as Jaebeom doubled his efforts, hurtling Jackson closer to the edge. This close to the elder, Jackson could smell the heavy scent of the alpha’s arousal which just aided his push to his climax. A sharp whine rang through the room as Jaebeom pulled away just as Jackson was about to orgasm, making the younger writhe in bed, pulling harshly at his restraints. Tears pooled in Jackson’s eyes, soaking the tie as he felt as the pleasure ebb away as Jaebeom stroked the younger’s toned stomach.

Just as Jackson was about to protest when he bell rang, forcing Jaebeom to get up from the bed and move to unlock the door. In front of him was Kim Namjoon in all his glory, dressed in a pair of denim shorts that really accentuated his thighs, a loose hanging button up, left untucked and a thin silver chain that sat prettily on his collarbones. Jaebeom moved aside to let the man take his shoes off before pushing him against the wall in the hallway and capturing his lips in a bruising kiss.

“Hello to you too, hyung” Jaebeom chuckled as he pulled away for just a moment to catch a breath before diving back in, pinning the taller man against the wall as he kissed him harshly. The two stood there and made out for a while, letting his hands wander under the younger’s shirt, caressing his well-defined abs and making his way up to the man’s dusky nipples. Pinching and twisting both of them caused Namjoon to let out a soft moan as Jaebeom mouthed at the young alpha’s ear, the smell of his arousal permeating in the room.

“You like that, baby?” Jaebeom cooed as he made quick work of unbuttoning the alpha’s shirt, bending his knees lightly to suck on one nipple as his hand played with the other, switching back and forth every now and then. Namjoon bit his lip to try and supress the embarrassing whimpers that he was making but much to his dismay, Jaebeom snaked his free hand down to stroke at the younger’s growing erection, causing another broken moan to escape him. Just as Jaebeom was working open Namjoon’s shorts, the younger begging the older alpha to touch him properly, a ragged moan cut through the air, making both men turn towards Jackson and Jaebeom’s shared bedroom.

“Someone decided to try have some fun before you came, how about I let you have some fun with him instead?” Jaebeom’s eyes shown mischievously as they made their way to see a writhing, whining Jackson mumbling their names, covered in a thin layer of sweat, clearly affected by the scents of the two alphas who were just across a wall from him. Jaebeom casually walked over to the armchair in the corner of the room, where the elder used to curl up with Nora and a good book on normal days.

“Sseun-ah?” The alpha called softly, while gesturing Namjoon to touch the younger’s leg. Jackson just replied with a soft whine, continuing to writhe as the younger alpha moved his hand up to the younger’s thighs, massaging the soft skin.

“Since you decided to not wait for Joon today, I’m going to let him have his way with you. Just remember that you are not allowed to cum until I tell you so, understood?” Jaebeom knew that leaving Jackson alone for too long makes him a little unsettled, so he eases his mate into his head space instead of enforcing it harshly from the very beginning. Namjoon turns towards Jaebeom, a soft smirk on his face, which Jaebeom responds to with a light nod, spurring the younger alpha into action.

Soft kisses are pressed onto Jackson’s pelvis, down to his perineum and back up to the base of his length. Without much more ceremony though, Namjoon wraps his hand around Jackson’s cock, licking a long stripe from base to tip, letting some saliva pool at his slit before using his hand to spread it around, slowly and purposefully. Jackson threw his head back in a loud moan as Namjoon took his halfway into his mouth, bobbing his head and stroking the parts he couldn’t reach with one hand.

Jaebeom uncrossed his legs and spread them, clearly affected by the display in front of him, letting one hand wander down to the waist band of his sweatpants as he watched his mate squirm and pull harshly at his restraints in attempts to plant his feet flat on the bed in order to buck up into Namjoon’s mouth. After palming himself for a while. Jaebeom let out a small groan before getting up, the impatience building up as the arousal spiked in Jaebeom’s body.

Namjoon moaned around Jackson’s length when Jaebeom softly thread his fingers in the young alpha’s hair to pull him off, leaving the younger two panting harshly as Jackson begged at the loss of contact. The elder turned Namjoon’s head towards him to share a short kiss before pushing him forward to get on his hands and knees on top of Jackson. The elder searched through his drawer for the lube and returned to strike once sharply against Namjoon’s still clothed ass before pulling off his shorts and boxers in one motion. Getting the hint, Namjoon leaned up to take off his shirt, leaving him stark naked.

Taking his time to slick up Namjoon’s rim, Jaebeom sunk a single finger in, pulling back and pushing it back in experimentally. Hearing the moans that Namjoon let out, Jaebeom added a second finger before scissoring him open. Namjoon’s chain dangled over Jackson’s lips as Namjoon dropped his head when Jaebeom found his prostate, the elder massaging the spot gently with his fingers. Letting the cold metal touch the delta’s soft skin, Namjoon could visible see the shiver that ran down the boy’s spine at the sudden contact.

“Hyung” Jackson whined softly, long lost in subspace, enough to barely notice the change in dynamics over him along with the tear soaked blind fold that covered his eyes. Jaebeom merely hummed in reply as he finally pulled his fingers out to quickly undress himself before climbing up on the bed behind Namjoon, his hard length pressing against the alpha’s perineum.

Jaebeom leaned over to untie the fabric giving Jackson a few moments to adjust to the lighting in the room. A soft moan left his lips as he took in the scene in front of him, Namjoon breathing harshly over Jackson while Jaebeom entered the younger in one smooth stroke. The next few minutes went by in a blur as Jaebeom picked up his pace, thrusting animalistically into the other alpha as the pheromones got to his head and a need to knot the younger took over the elder’s brain.

Jackson moaned as Jaebeom snaked a hand around Namjoon to stroke his length in tandem with his thrusts. Namjoon was the first to climax, his orgasm tearing through his body as the elder hammered repeatedly into his prostate, coming untouched. Jackson followed soon behind, letting out a guttural groan as he spilled all over Jaebeom’s hand. Pushing against the small of Namjoon’s back, Jaebeom’s thrusts turned sloppy as he neared his orgasm. The younger alpha, unable to keep himself up with the overstimulation, collapsed on top of Jackson, choosing to capture the delta’s lips in a sloppy kiss.

Three thrusts and the visual of Namjoon and Jackson making out had Jaebeom reach his climax, knot swelling inside the younger alpha, making both men moan. In order to not crush Jackson, Jaebeom maneuvered them to lay down next to the delta, reaching his arms up to untie the younger’s hands and massaging the reddened wrists as the three cuddled, waiting for Jaebeom’s knot to go down. Twenty minutes later, they were all cleaned up, dressed in just their boxers, aloe gel applied to Jackson’s wrists and ankles, huddled together under the covers, sated and happy.

[soft-pentagon]

hi it's your unianon again! first i just wanna clarify that while i absolutely believe wooseok could own a sexy concept and deliver, i just personally would not be able to view him as sexy LOL it's just me!!

for week three, i put together a playlist of songs that i've been loving lately that i think you might also like! hopefully there's a couple of songs here that you like/hadn't heard of before! i kept it in the kpop realm just to be safe, outside of kpop i mostly listen to hyperpop, general pop music and 00s pop punk/hardcore.

here it is! sorry it's a little long

popping - onf

one day - monsta x

changer - a.c.e

talk you down - a.c.e

bottom of the ocean - golden child

cool cool - golden child

salute - ab6ix

stereotype - stayc

after we ride - brave girls

diamond heart - monsta x

you can't sit with us - sunmi

younger - omega x

gam3 bo1 - seventeen

veronica - onewe

go & stop - astro

all good - astro

wave - cix

off my mind - cix

I took eternities to reply I'm soooo sorry shsjsjj I wanted to make sure I'd be at PEACE to listen to all these songs specially the ones I don't know!! I hope you have fun cause I'll talk about every song individually ❤️💀

1) popping by onf!! She IS ICONIC! I love it :( I've listened to it since it came out cause it's onf so obv ❤️ and I loved it since then!! Super catchy!

2) one day by Monsta x: it's their new eng song? I saw that they were dropping something new but I didn't got to check it 😔 I just did and I think this one is probably my fave eng release from them? I remember I listen to the eng album some time ago and I was like meh but this one song is nice

3) changer by ace: I love it so much... Ace always delivers, always always always ALWAYS,, there's not much to say... I loved it the moment it came out 😭😭😭

4) talk you down by ace: first time listening actually and what the fuck djdnsmsm this is EXACTLY my type of song stop... When I tell you these mfs ALWAYYYSSSS deliver djdjskks god djsmsm I love this one a lot sjsnsm also wow and donghun 💔💔💔💔

5) bottom of the ocean by goldcha: first time listening and jsnsnznz this song reminded me so much of 1D... Also these lyrics sjjsjsnssm it's not my type of song but it's really fun!

6) cool cool by goldcha: first time listening and okay this one slaps actually shshjzzj very g👀d

7) salute by ab6ix: really like it,, in general I really like their music NGL,, ALSO very g👁️👁️d

8) stereotype by stacy: actually liked this one! I didn't really vibe with their previous title tracks, even though the last one was huge but yeah ahshjsjs BUT I actually enjoyed this one!!!

9) after we ride by brave girls: love it, adore it, if I could marry a song this would be it djxnxnxn QUEEN SHITTTTTT

10) diamond heart by mx: first time listening and this one goes hard damn dndndndmzmz can really see myself headbanding to this lmao

11) you can't seat with us by sunmi: ofc I love this song,, it's from the royalty herself queen Sunmi so how can I not 😳 shsnsjn it's super catchy... I LOVE ITTTT

12) younger by omega x: first time listening and 😳 okay alr alr I see I SEE 👀👀 really enjoyed it.... Might go check their album because of this song bsnsnsnsn I actually checked their debut title song when it came out cause yt recommended me dnxmsm and I wasn't really that captivated to check more about them BUT. This song?? Hello??? 👀 I'm looking now

13) gam3 bo1 by svt: svt is my second ult group hello djnddmdm really like this song :( it's so FUNNNNN my beloveds....

14) Veronica by onewe: first time listening,, 😳😳 heart eyes for this song ngl sjjsjsskkz me never listening to this is a crime... It really is....

15) go & stop by astro: it's such a seksi song... Big 🥵🥵 also fun fact my favourite voice of K-pop is Sanha sbsbznjsns

16) all good by astro: how can you send me go & stop FOLLOWED by all good ..... The WHIPLASH this gave me djdmxmzmmz anyways,, they're lovely I love them 😔

17) wave by cix: I checked it when it came out and I was kinda disappointed ngl shjsjssk I loved their previous title track so much but this one didn't keep up with my expectations 😭😭 ofc it's not a bad song tho

18) off of my mind by cix: very groovy!! I like it! In general I like cix music and I'm thinking on stanning because of that but then I'm like DO I WANNA FALL FOR ANOTHER GROUP... hshsjsjsns but one day mayhaps 👀 really like their leader... He... Yeah...

Anyways let me know what are you thoughts on this!!!

[muselin]

Hey! I'm the 2nd gen anon that sent you the ask the other day. I agree with what you said especially the thing about social media.

For the past few years, I've been wondering why I fell out of Kpop because at that time, Kpop was gaining more attraction. I think the first reason would be that many older groups were disbanding. Then, it would be the presence of social media (toxic fans are the loudest). Other than that, I couldn't get myself into the newer songs. I remember thinking that the reason for this was due to newer songs being too westernized. However, foreign producers have been making songs for Kpop artists for a while. Over time, I noticed that a lot of the newer songs (even non-Kpop songs) don't have full choruses. The songs are mostly focused on the beat and the title of the song is repeated in the chorus. I don't hate this type of music but I tend to get sick of it quickly. A lot of 3rd and 4th gen groups are coming out with this kind of music now which makes sense into why I couldn't get myself into them. Even when my favs, which are 2nd gen and early 3rd gen (I actually regard them as 2.5 gen because they had similar styles to 2nd gen) come out with songs that don't have full choruses, I rarely listen to it.

I know in my previous ask, I did say I stopped being a Kpop fan at one point but I did still listened to my favourite Kpop songs as well as trending songs. I don't think I can ever stop listening to Kpop or music in general. I guess you can say I just became a casual listener. I'll check kpop news from time to time but that's it. I couldn't keep up with the fandom.

I don't know if you ever felt this way before but I feel bad for not putting in time for my favs or ults(?). What I'm talking about is things like streaming and voting. Luckily, my favs don't really care because they've been in the industry for a while but I still feel guilty because streaming and voting is a form of supporting the artists you love.

Sorry for the long ask. It's just hard to find 2nd gen fans on Tumblr. Also, thanks for bringing awareness about mental health. Like you said, it's sad that such tragic events have to happen in order for us to bring light to an important topic. With this, I hope people will care for the mental health of others and themselves.

I definitely agree with a lot of what you said. And thank you for dropping in again! I personally don't like songs where the structure is "skimped on", e.g. not having a full chorus, or several lines of lyrics being just the same word or phrase repeated over and over. Although that said, "Sorry Sorry" and "Ring Ding Dong" are what got me into kpop and are the most iconic songs ever and you can't tell me otherwise lol.

For me personally, rediscovering Super Junior and SHINee after 7+ years of not keeping up and being a casual listener was like a shock to the system. With Super Junior it was like, hold up, you mean Kibum, Hangeng, Kangin AND Sungmin are not in SJ anymore?? And with SHINee it was like... how can we go on without Jjong?? And hold on, Taemin is now the biggest solo artist of all of them?? TVXQ was now only Yunho and Changmin and the rest had left?? It was so much to take in.

When I was coming back into kpop circa late 2017, besides BTS I wasn't that thrilled with what I arrived to as a 2nd gen fan to be honest. Monsta X and KARD were a breath of fresh air, as a proper very EDM focused and a mixed gender group, respectively. Musically though, aside from BTS it was VIXX I loved the most and they sit awkwardly in the time line, somewhere between 2nd gen and 3rd gen. They're usually considered 2.5 gen.

It was sad learning about everyone I knew from 2nd gen that was disbanding or not active (f(x), 2NE1, SHINee were just recovering from Jonghyun's passing at the time). But at the same time I was thrilled that so many were still going strong. I felt i could relate to them because I was getting into that later-twenties stage where I was worrying about getting older, but I was comforted knowing my 2nd gen idols were growing older with me, they were already a few years ahead of me and still rocking it.

You see, with feeling guilty about not streaming and voting, I didn't really experience that. When I was an early kpop fan it wasn't even possible to vote outside of Korea so I never felt like I had missed out on these opportunities or let my idols down. When i got into kpop again I did take advantage of the fact that I could stream, vote for MAMA and vote on some music shows. I never felt guilty though because I knew that the majority of these voting drives were for the younger fans, who didn't have full time jobs, families or that many responsibilities. So I always felt I was doing my best as a fan in moderation, without sacrificing all my time, money and sanity.

With 4th gen, I don't even bother with voting. Some people might say that makes me a shitty or lazy fan, but my ults are 2nd and 3rd gen, and I'm only one person. I know 3rd and 4th gen have loads and loads of young fans who do the streaming and voting better than I ever could. I just stream on comeback day and enjoy the music, and buy the occasional album. When I was a young fan I had no money at all, I couldn't buy any albums or go to any concerts. So I don't feel guilty because I can do more now as an older fan than I ever could before to support my idols. I save my voting rights for my 2nd gen faves who aren't as popular anymore, because I know it would mean much more to them to still win awards this late into their careers :)

[jalapeno-princess]

Before You Go

Mark Tuan X Reader

Genre: Angst

Warning: Mentions about mental illness, depression, anxiety, insecurities

Word Count: 3.5K

Summary: When Got7 has a break during their world tour, Mark rushes back to Korea in order to return home to you. However, when he comes home to an empty apartment, he isn’t too surprised. Although he didn’t know about your condition, you were no longer acting like yourself a couple of weeks before. After reading the letter you left him, he realizes that you were suffering and he never hated himself more for not doing anything about it sooner.

A/N: Hey guys, I got inspired to rush this very sad imagine after listening to the song “Before you go” by Lewis Capaldi and I could not stop listening to it. It’s such a heartbreaking song and I remember seeing a tiktok about Got7 with that song and I actually cried. Hearing that he wrote this song about his aunt who committed suicide made my heart hurt. I’ve suffered from both depression and anxiety for quite some time and at one of the lowest points of my life, I just so happened to stumble across of the 7 most wonderful human beings and my life changed for the better. I’d be lying if I said I don’t have my bad days, but watching their videos or listening to their songs really helps uplift my spirits. I’m so sorry if you have any sort of mental disorder but I hope you know that you are so beautiful and so loved. The pain doesn’t last forever and if you ever need someone to talk to, my messages are always open! And please, don’t make someone the main source of your happiness. It isn’t someone’s responsibility to make you happy. Everyone suffers something we don’t know and the minute that person does something to upset you, it never once leaves your mind and they no longer make you happy. With that being said, read with caution and enjoy.

I fell by the wayside like everyone else I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, but I was just kidding myself Our every moment, I start to replace 'Cause now that they're gone, all I hear are the words that I needed to say

When you hurt under the surface Like troubled water running cold Well, time can heal, but this won'tSo, before you go Was there something I could've said to make your heart beat better? If only I'd have known you had a storm to weather So, before you go

Was there something I could've said to make it all stop hurting? It kills me how your mind can make you feel so worthless So, before you go

He knew it was coming whether he liked it or not. Your smile no longer reached your eyes whenever the two of you would FaceTime, your contagious laughter than he loved so much didn’t sound genuine like it used to, you would always respond with short answers to each and every one of your messages. 

Mark didn’t have to see you in person to know that you weren’t yourself anymore; that you weren’t happy anymore and he hated that he didn’t realize something was wrong until it was too late. When he first walked in to your shared apartment, he didn’t think that anything was out of the ordinary. It was natural for you to not be at home. 

Being a full-time college student with a full-time job took up most of your time and you’ve told him being occupied with all these responsibilities helped take your mind off of his absence. As soon as he walked in to the bedroom, he was quick to notice how empty the room was. Your vanity was cleared of all your makeup and jewelry, the table that your books and laptop occupied was empty and when he went to open your side of the closet, it was empty. 

Mark didn’t know if he wasn’t responding to the fact that you were gone because he was in disbelief, because he thought this was a terrible nightmare that he was soon to wake up from or because he didn’t want to accept the fact that you actually left. It took him a few minutes to recollect his thoughts, but once he accepted that this was actually happening and that you took all of your things and moved out, he found himself sinking to his knees and let out the most heartbreaking, gut wrenching sob. 

Being a KPOP idol wasn’t the most easiest job out there, but he’d be lying if he said he didn’t love traveling the world and getting to perform in stadiums and arenas alongside of his six best friends. Other than the rumors made about him, the mistreatment he and the rest of Got7 experienced from their company and the unnecessary hate he’d receive on a daily basis, the only other thing he hated about being an idol was having to go months without being with you; his soulmate, the love of his life, his person. 

If Mark had the choice, he’d take you on tour with him. He was happiest whenever he was with you and each time he had to go on tour or travel around Asia for all the different photo shoots or reality tv shows he’d star in, he couldn’t find it in himself to completely enjoy the opportunity in its entirety. The love Mark had for you was stronger and deeper than anything in the entire world including his career. 

He’d tell you time and time again that he would give up all the fame and success if it meant getting to spend every possible moment with you. You were his safe haven; his home. Every time something went wrong in his life or he felt like things weren’t going his way, he’d always run to you in search of comfort and salvation. Sure, he’d find confidants in his members and some of his family members, but nobody understood him the way you did. 

Nobody knew what to say to make him feel better like you did. Nobody’s embrace and the sound of their heartbeat against his chest made him feel calm and at ease like yours did. It was in that moment of self pity that he realized, he was the reason why you left. When the two of you first met over four years ago, you were suffering from both anxiety and depression at the time. 

There were days where you would get sad and even cry for no reason and sometimes you’d end up hyperventilating or feel like you weren’t able to breathe and not know the reason. From the time you were younger, you had a tendency of shutting people out of your life completely before they even got to really know you. Your parents never understood why you hardly ever had any friends, up until the day they got a call from your 8th grade counselor suggesting that you go see a therapist. 

Although you hardly ever talked to anybody unless you really had to, it was hard not to hear about the countless rumors about you being mysterious and weird on top of receiving the nickname “ghost girl” because it was as if you didn’t even exist. On the fateful day you were introduced to the devastatingly handsome idol, your life changed entirely for the better. 

You were interning at a hospital as a receptionist when he came storming in to the emergency room trying his best alongside of BamBam to help carry Yugyeom inside. It was in that moment that you learned the youngest boy sprained his ankle while practicing some choreography and you were quick to register him in the system and luckily the emergency room wasn’t all too crowded when the three of them arrived. 

Both BamBam and Mark stayed in the waiting room for a couple of hours until BamBam decided to get some food for the two of them. When he left, Mark found himself walking over to you with the intention of getting to know you. He was too busy focusing on trying to get Yugyeom medical attention to really talk to you, but once the nurses took over, he got to admire your beauty and took the chance to see if you were interested in going on a date with him. You were extremely beautiful; there was no doubt about it. 

Mark had a hard time keeping his eyes off of you and snuck some looks here and there to prevent BamBam catching on to his attraction to you, but once the younger boy was gone, he planned on making it aware that he admired how well you worked under pressure and how you did whatever you could to make sure Yugyeom was in the right hands and that he was going to be okay. In the hour that BamBam was away, Mark learned that you were currently in the process of becoming a registered nurse. 

Not only were you going to school full time, but you were also a resident assistant and worked as a receptionist to help pay for medical school. You also got to learn that Mark was a KPOP idol and that he and the rest of Got7 were in your hometown for two weeks for a concert. The two of you immediately hit it off; you fell for his charm, his gentle personality and his gorgeous looks. He fell for your passion, determination, strength and your beauty was just a bonus. In both his free time and yours, you both went on multiple dates. 

Since it was his first time in your hometown, you took him to places that you loved visiting and hoped that he would end up loving each and every location just as much as you did. There were a few kisses shared, whispers of interest and adoration for one another, a couple of hugs and many cuddles. You knew you should’ve told him about your mental state, but you were afraid of scaring him away before you really got to knew him. 

With everyone who tried to befriend you and actually wanted to be apart of your life, you let them know right off the bat that you weren’t normal. You didn’t want to make friends with someone only for them to judge you for your mental disorders but for some reason, Mark was different. He made you laugh and smile so effortlessly. His smile sent your body in flames. For the first time in a very long time, you were genuinely happy. 

A few days before they went to fly to the next country, Mark asked you to be his girlfriend. He told you that he was falling for you faster than he’d like to admit and that he’s never felt this way about anyone before. Deep down, you knew you should’ve said no. He already had so much on his plate; dealing with someone with so much baggage was not what he needed. The last thing Mark needed in his life was to become a babysitter and personal therapist to a grown women suffering from both anxiety and depression. But you couldn’t. 

You were selfish. You wanted Mark just as much as he claimed to have wanted you; which is why you weren’t surprised when you found yourself saying yes while immediately smashing your lips against his. Mark informed you that dating an idol wouldn’t be easy, especially since the two of you would be in a long distance relationship; but he promised you that he would try his best to contact you as much as he could and that the two of you would plan to visit each other when time permitted you to do so. 

Since Mark was the first boyfriend you’ve had, you weren’t used to the idea of a long distance relationship. You didn’t know what to expect. The idea both worried you as much as the thought of dating him excited you. There were millions of girls who adored him and he was surrounded by so many beautiful idols, actresses, models and singers. What if he realized that he could do so much better than you and that you were a mistake; a brief lapse of judgement he made because he was lonely and you were one of the only girls that weren’t throwing themselves at him? 

Your conscience always tried to make you feel bad, no matter how happy you were or how good things were going in your life. Right now, Mark was the only thing keeping you going and you tried your best to push the negative thoughts to the back of your mind, but it was only natural for you to thing negatively. Mark in more or less words was the perfect boyfriend. Even if he was extremely busy, he made it a point to contact you twice a day; once he woke up and right before he went to bed. 

If he had more time, he spent all of it talking to you. As much as you would prefer to see him on a daily basis, you could still feel so much love from him through computer and phone screens. When he didn’t have any schedules or when you went on vacation, you’d fly up to Korea or he’d fly down to spend time with you. The more you got to spend time and physically get to see your boyfriend, everything seemed to be okay. 

You were so focused on being in the moment with Mark that you didn’t have time to be sad. However, when he would leave, or when you’d have to return back home, you could physically feel your chest get heavy. It was your fault; you made him the only reason for your happiness. You and Mark hardly ever got in to arguments but when you did, it got really bad for you mentally. 

Each and every time you’d fight, you would always blame yourself even if it wasn’t even your fault. Mark had a tendency to get jealous and in the first few months of your relationship, you became aware that Mark was extremely protective over you. You didn’t understand where his insecurities came from; if anything you were the one who should be envious and insecure. 

You’d see the way he flirted with other idols every now and then. He was also very flirtatious with his fans and you knew it was all apart of the idol image, but that didn’t make you feel any better. As much as you wanted to voice how you felt, you were afraid that it would spiral in to a conversation you weren’t ready for. You were afraid that he would find out about your illness and look at you in a different light. You were afraid that he would finally come to the realization that he deserved so much better than you. 

You were afraid of losing him. 

Dating Mark had its ups and downs, but you loved him with every fiber of your being. He was your safe haven; your favorite hiding place; an escape from the real world and you knew you’d be okay as long as you had him in your life. Things were going very good for the two of you for the last few years. After graduating from college over two years ago, you applied for a working visa in order to move to Korea and be able to see Mark more often. 

He asked you to move in with him before you could even arrive and you were honestly over the moon. Time and time again, you’d find yourself daydreaming about getting to go to sleep in his arms and waking up next to him. He was the definition of a gentleman and made sure to remind you just how much he loved you and thought the world of you on a daily basis. On multiple occasions, Mark would bring up marriage and how he couldn’t wait to spend the rest of his life with you. 

There was nothing more you wanted in this world than to marry Mark; the only person that meant anything to you; the only source of your happiness, but you were afraid that you’d ruin your relationship somewhere down the line like you ruined everything else. During your entire relationship, you did your best in hiding your mental illnesses; you’d suffer alone and cry whenever he wasn’t around. You would go and see a therapist while he was working; you really wanted your relationship with Mark to last and in order to do so, you had to change yourself to be someone Mark would be proud to date. 

Unfortunately, there was nothing that could help you. When Got7 went on tour again, this time it would be for an entire year. You didn’t think you would be able to live without him for an entire year. Sure, he’d have some breaks and return back to Korea every now and then and you could visit whatever country they were in, but it just wasn’t enough. While he was away, the voices only grew louder and so did your insecurities and negative thoughts. 

You’re too fucked up to be loved. 

You’re crazy for thinking a guy like Mark could ever like you. 

He can do so much better than you. 

He’s probably cheating on you. 

You’re only holding him back from so many things. 

If he knew how insane you really were, he’d leave in an instant. 

You tried your best to ignore the voices; tried to pretend as if there was nothing wrong with you. Tried to pretend that you could maybe one day actually become normal and be able to live without a care in the world, but that kind of life could never be yours. Mark was a blessing; an angel on earth; a beautiful distraction and you would be selfish if you allowed to let this relationship continue. 

The thought of no longer having Mark in your life felt like a stab in the chest. A life without Mark was not one worth living, but you couldn’t keep doing this. You were only hurting him the longer you dated him for. While he was gone, you decided you would pack your bags and leave him completely. It took a few weeks to come to that decision, you were so stubborn and you knew you’d regret it one day, but you wanted to leave him before he could leave you. 

Since you were still so in love with him and would probably always be in love with him, you kept in contact with him and did your best to make sure that he didn’t sense that something was wrong. He would call you and tell you all about his day, how much fun the concert was and that he missed you, but he never asked you how you were doing. He always sent you pictures, but he no longer asked for any. You felt as if he was slowly falling out of love with you. He didn’t have to say it and even if he was great with reaching out to you, it felt like you were more like a friend to him rather than his girlfriend. 

When you moved out completely and made your way back home, you cried for what felt like hours. If being away from him was already so upsetting, what more now that you were running away from your relationship; from him? You thought it was what was best for him; but it was slowly killing you. There were so many times where you wanted to tell him the truth. 

For all you knew, he could be extremely understanding and would want to do whatever he could to help you; yet the chance of him laughing in your face were even higher. Mark had problems of his own and was very vocal about anything that was bothering him. Shouldn’t he have felt as if something was wrong since you never complained once about anything? 

You were a licensed nurse, studying to get your bachelor’s degree in a country you weren’t familiar with. You were all alone when Mark was in and out of the country. Wouldn’t he think that there was a chance you were struggling and having a hard time? Even if you didn’t say anything, did he not have the smallest amount of common sense to put two and two together? As the days went by, you no longer felt butterflies swarm in your tummy when you looked at him. 

The thought of him no longer made you smile like an idiot. He wasn’t the same man who told you silly hospital puns to get your attention all those years ago. He no longer made you happy and that’s how you knew it was the end. When the only source of your happiness no longer made you happy, there was no point in staying with him anymore. Mark was in a fetal position, crying on the floor for almost the entire day. 

Where did you go? Why did you leave? You were just talking to him a few days ago, how long were you planning on leaving for? He wanted to call you to get the answers of his many questions. Did you no longer love him? Did you grow tired of the distance? Were you okay? 

When his sobs slowly settled down, he stood up with the tiny amount of energy in his body and went on a search for his phone. He didn’t know what he was going to say to you; but he just needed to hear your voice. He wanted you to tell him something happened with your family and you had to go be with them but that you’d come back later. In that moment of self pity, your last phone call came back like a slap in the face. At the time, Mark didn’t think your words meant anything but now that you were gone, they made so much sense and he hated it. Hated himself. 

“You know if one day, we’re no longer together, I want you to know that I will always love and support you. You will always be my person Mark, even if you find someone else and I’m no longer yours.” 

Why didn’t he realize the distance earlier? There was obviously something different about the way you would talk and the tone of your voice. It no longer had that sweet, bubbly intonation it used to have. You also never contacted him as much as you used to. Whenever he told you he loved you and he missed you, he felt as if you said it just to say it. Before he could continue searching for his phone, it was then that he saw the tiny little post-it note on his pillow and once he finished reading it, he released an ear piercing scream of frustration.

“Dear Mark,

I’m sorry, but I just can’t do this anymore. I’m not happy, I haven’t been for a long time. I don’t thing I ever was genuinely happy once in my life until I met you and honestly the only moments I experienced happiness were when I was with you. Unfortunately, nothing made me happy anymore; including you. I felt as if I was preventing you from reaching your fullest potential. I wish you nothing but health and success. I’m going to miss you so much Mark. Thank you for showing me so much love and happiness for the time being. You’re an amazing person Mark and I meant what I said when I told you I’d love you forever. Please don’t come looking for me. It’s for the best.

Sincerely, y/n.”

Would we be better off by now If I'd have let my walls come down? Maybe, I guess we'll never know You know, you know

Before you go Was there something I could've said to make your heart beat better? If only I'd have known you had a storm to weather So, before you go Was there something I could've said to make it all stop hurting? It kills me how your mind can make you feel so worthless So, before you go

[jtrbluv]

tag game !

tagged by the lovely linh @latetaektalk ,, thank u soso much! this was so fun omg

tagging: @allurain @koushiningg @dreamystuffers @jinpanman @dulce-pjm @suhdays @pjmsdior @bangtans-peaceful-piegon @sugacouture

1. what fandoms have you written for (but do not currently)?

um i didn't rly write for any fandoms when i was younger, but i knew my 12yo self was probably conjuring harry potter headcanons in my head D:

2. what fandoms are you currently writing for?

for now, and for a long time, i've been writing for bts. i've like always been a multi from the moment i got into kpop but i've never actually fleshed out any of the wips i had for any other groups LMFAO. honorable mentions are got7, skz, haikyuu yup

3. how long have you been writing?

a longggg time, i think. i enjoyed writing fiction as a kid a lot. most of it would be like off-brand spy kids/harry potter/hunger games type beat stuff. and it was awful. but i was literally like 9 so cut me some slackLKSDFJSLKDjf

4. on which platforms do you post your stories?

primarily tumblr and i only recently made an ao3 acc. the only fic i have on there is a tae drabble that's already posted on here LOL. i think it's 'resolutely, yours.' but i don't even remember bye. i remember i drafted drivers license on there but i literally forgot to post it so it's probably gone HAHA.

5. what is your favourite genre to write?

e2l even though i have no e2l fics on this blog i think

6. are you a pantser or a planner?

i used to never plan my fics, like at all. but then i was so unsatisfied with the flow of things and like idk lack of clarity. drivers license was the first time i actually sat down and planned out an entire fic as i was writing it. it rly does make things easier when u have an idea of what u want. and then just having the idea can help you possibly expand on it and get even better ideas off of it. the events of drivers license and the order it was all written in changed like 20394803 times. but yeah, does that make sense... LMFAO

7. one shot or multi-chapter?

one shots because i can never fucking get myself to finish a series. i love reading them tho

8. what is the perfect chapter length in your opinion?

no clue. i love long stories and slow burn tho, it's just so satisfying and $wag when it's well-written and the characters are well-written too.

9. what is your longest published story? is it complete?

the fic i'm about to post is nearing 20k, and it might even surpass that which will end up being the longest story on this blog. insane! drivers license is around 10k i think, and then if u combine the wnrs couple's fics it's like 15k? im too lazy to look tbh SRy

10. which story did you enjoy working on the most?

oh drivers license for sure! i don't think i've ever immersed myself and put so much effort into a story before. it was truly an amazing experience, and i just know that i'll probably never be able to write anything like that fic ever again. it's rly one of a kind for me.

11. favourite request you've have written and why (if any?)

most of the requests i had on this blog got taken down bc they were so bad. i'm not sure if the yoongi superhero!au is still up on here, but i'd choose that one since i really had to branch out of my writing style for it. regardless of it being like barely 2k.

12. are there reoccurring themes in your stories?

miscommunication, so much banter, i used to see this a lot but i would take it out but... head bonking ??LSKDFJHAHA, my side characters being dumbasses and then my main characters being even bigger dumbasses (oc probably being the biggest dumbass)

13. current number of wips?

during the course of writing the current fic i plan on posting this week, i created like 5 wips and they all hit 5k, and then i straight up abandoned them. and then the endless idea bank google doc. so if i count the wips i for sure want to finish by like this year or summer... like 3 or 4.

14. three things you have noticed about your own writing?

i feel like i repeat stuff a lot throughout all my stories LOL,, it irks me so bad. i think i relate to all my ocs in at least one way or another.

15. a quote you like from a published story

alrighty this is a lil snippet from 'drivers license':

this is from the second letter oc wrote to jk:

"The same delusional daydreamer hopes that one day we can talk and laugh like old pals. Like nothing ever changed between us. I hope you achieve your dreams that you always thought seem too far-fetched, yet in the back of my mind I always knew you could easily grasp. I hope someday you can live a life of lesser worries and insecurities, because you rarely had any to start off with. I always hoped the world for you, because you deserve it. And despite everything, I still believe you do."

this paragraph seems pretty simple but i think it did the best job of like describing oc's emotions and realization of things,, its kinda cliche tew yas love that

16. a quote from an unpublished story

alr this is from the e2l jimin series that is going to take me forever to write bc the outline for it is SO LONG

“Would it kill you to at least show up with a shirt on?“ You sneer, patting your forehead with the back of your hand due to the sweltering sun. The event hasn’t even started yet and you can already feel your hair sticking to the back of your neck.

Crossing his arms, he scoffs, his biceps bulging out as his arms bend. Not like you were staring at them. “Sorry couldn’t hear you, too busy boosting the school’s morale.”

17. space for you to say something to your readers

i feel like i don't show enough appreciation to my readers and mutual on this blog. i have met so many lovely people and have gotten so much support, i hope u all know that it does NOT go unnoticed. i always tend to go back and reread all the comments and asks that i get on my stories bc it rly does make my heart soar. it makes my day!!! thank u all for sticking with me thru all my 3am shitposts and inconsistent writing schedule LOL,, you all have my whole heart and some more <3

[fallin-flcwer]

JAPAN INTERVIEW // KANG JIHOON

WHO ARE YOU?

what’s your star sign? "I'm a Sagittarius."

what’s your favourite holiday? "Christmas."

what colour are your eyes? "My eyes are brown."

if i went on to your spotify right now, your most played song would be what? "Pirate King by ATEEZ aha. I'm a very loyal and proud member, if you couldn't tell."

do you read much? "Only when I needed to, for like school. I also loved Diary of a Wimpy Kid, though."

where did you grow up? "I grew up in Seoul, South Korea."

when it comes to siblings; are you oldest, middle, youngest or only child? "I am the youngest of three."

what were you like in high school? "I was a kind of a nerd in early high school. I was a bit of a late bloomer, but towards the end of high school I ended up taking up more sports and ended up becoming more popular."

if you could be any magical creature, what would you be? "A merman."

where is your happy place? "My bedroom or my dorm."

can you tell us about a hobby you have that has NOTHING to do with your career? "I like building lego sets - like the big ones. I've got a massive collection in my bedroom at home. My latest project is the Hogwarts Castle, so as soon as we go on break I'm getting right back into it."

CAREER STUFF

which academy do you attend? "I am currently attending Blossom Bell."

do you have a routine that gets you in the right frame of mind for work? "I've got a playlist that I listen to when I get up and it pretty much gets me energised for the rest of the day."

can you give us some insight into your next big project? "so one thing about ATEEZ's releases is that it kind of follows a storyline. I don't want to get into too much detail because we want it to be something our fans can analyse and interpret on their own as we continue to release music and add more pieces to the puzzle. I think our next comeback, with Say My Name and Hala Hala, will furthermore establish our little universe since it's our first comeback since our debut."

if you weren’t at a talent academy, what occupation would you be working towards? "I'd definitely do sport.. I'm fairly confident in my football and basketball skills."

are you a ‘work hard, play hard’ or a ‘work hard, sleep hard’ type? "It really depends on the time for me.. as we prepare for comebacks and promoting i'm very much 'work hard, play hard." If we're just doing smaller, more relaxed projects it'll be 'work hard, sleep hard."

what’s your proudest moment in your career so far? "Debuting! Before I was signed on as a part of ATEEZ I trained for about three years. The process is definitely tough but it's paid off!"

do you remember where you were when you realised you were accepted into your academy? "I was out clothes shopping with my older brothers, Deoksu and Yohan in Shanghai. I was in the middle of paying for my clothes when I got the email and I flipped out."

did you get rejected from any academies? do you care anymore? "Nope! I only applied for Blossom Bell."

what is your DREAM achievement? "Artist of the Year at any award show. It's probably more of a possibility in the Kpop industry than the music industry as a whole, but that's okay with me. If I've said it once, I've said it a million times; I have a lot of faith in ATEEZ."

finish the sentence: “when it comes to my career, my goal is to make sure that...” "I show the best version of myself for people to see."

SPILL THE TEA

are you single or taken? "I am currently single."

what’s your snapchat score? "30,000 give or take. I'm not the biggest snapchat user."

read us your last received text... "it says 'patience'. I wish I had something more interesting to read out but the message before that just says 'dude'."

would you ever date a fan? "I'm not too sure... I think as of right now I wouldn't be opposed to it."

how could somebody go about getting your attention? "Just make yourself stand out, I guess."

have you ever stalked an exes socials? "I've never been in a relationship."

have you ever stalked an exes new partners socials? "I've never had an ex."

which song best describes your last crush or relationship? "My last crush was back in like high school but the song I'd say matched that would be Don't Stop by 5SOS."

have you ever used tinder? "Nope."

who on tour would you most like to see naked? "Can I say no one?"

who’s the most annoying person on tour? "Minhyuck."

which person on tour would you NOT let your hypothetical son or daughter date? "Minhyuck."

what’s the grossest thing you’ve ever done? "My oldest brother dared me to eat dog food when we were younger."

have you ever peed in the shower? "Yeah.."

who is one person on tour that you trust more than anything? "Minhyuck. Confusing, right?"

BRING ON THE FUN

what kind of drunk are you? "A clumsy one, for sure. I'm a clumsy person in general but when I'm drunk it's even worse."

if you could spend a day inside one move, which would it be and why? "ooh, i really don't know."

if you could have any piece of music play whenever you entered a room, what would it be? "What I Said by Victon. At first listen it kinda sounds abrupt, but once you become more familiar with with the song you start to think it actually works kinda well. I feel like that suits me."

everybody has ONE word tattooed on their head that most describes who they are, what does yours say? "Either Chaotic or Clumsy. I think they both equally describe me in a nutshell."

if i came round your house for a dinner date, what would you cook me? "I'm so sorry but until I become a better cook, we're getting take out haha."

do you have any guilty pleasures or weaknesses? "Reality TV. I'll judge the people for the first few episode and eventually I can't stop watching it."

say a word that you HATE the sound of... "Moose. I don't know why. I just do."

what is one country you have no desire to visit that other people do? "The US."

if you could rename yourself, what would your name now be? "I think I'd want to try an English name. Like Matthew or Andy or something... But I also really like the Korean names Dawoon and Nareu as well"

if these were your famous last words, what would you say? "Honestly, I probably wouldn't end up saying anything... I'd spend too long trying to think about something cool to say on the spot."

[lilquill]

Are you doing okay what with all the VV stuff that happened? It seemed like you and Mina were close

Hey hey, thanks for the worries anon! Mina of mvcreates/Violet Vineyard and I were properly talking as friends for only a few months quite a long time ago. Emotionally I’m completely fine, but I do have stuff to say and I do want to help document things if any of it is useful in any way. A lot of it will be dry because it’s just documenting, but some of it will be “juicier” I guess, and I’d like to corroborate some of the things my friends are saying. I’ll put this under the cut for people who don’t want to scroll through all this and/or have no idea what I’m talking about and want to keep it that way!

You guys can check @nuwuhorizons‘s blog to see what exactly is going on and I believe they’re also reblogging some things others who were members are saying. The case of people dogpiling a 19-year-old trans person and making fun of their name is on the blog (post here, wayback machined here).

I can corroborate a bunch of what @rrrawrf-writes (post here, wayback machined here) and @gingerly-writing (post here, wayback machined here) have said. I backread through the interaction that Ginger talks about in her post (of course not the DMs, but the interaction itself).

I know some people may be confused about why Ginger only has that one screenshot of what she said and may not see that as full evidence, but Violet Vineyard had a super strict “don’t screenshot and post anything” with lots of scary looking legal stuff attached to it policy and, well, Ginger can’t be sharing stuff without anyone’s permission if it’s just the message she herself sent, but they’d have grounds to take god knows what action with what backing against her if she posted something else. But, well, for what it’s worth, as someone who read through that conversation a little after it happened, it was certainly a case of dogpiling and left a bad taste in my mouth, and it strikes me as really odd that the mods would try to shut someone down like that.

I haven’t really been doing stuff in writeblr lately as you can probably tell from my blog, but yeah, Mina herself and a lot of people in that particular friend group of hers, as Lisa mentions, have just disappeared off Tumblr. I can also attest to the dogpiling tendencies and this Mina Is Always Right tendency, and the fervor with which people would defend her.

I was honestly never close enough to Mina to be in that friend group. She and I were only really talking to each other for a few months over a year ago. I don’t think I was “writeblr-y” enough to fit in with them. I was also not super active in that server. I didn’t post much about my wips because I in general don’t think I really post a lot about them. Therefore I didn’t get like, massive benefits off of the whole “network” thing, but  I’d reblog some stuff when I saw it. I was probably most known for posting pictures of my plants, lol. And I would occasionally hop in to talk briefly about kpop with like, one person? (They went by Kay and their url was like, lvcrezia? lvcrezias? Something like that.) In fact, probably the last thing I ever said in that server was a super quick conversation about Red Velvet’s “Monster” music video around the time it dropped.

In fact, for the sake of being super transparent/establishing credibility, and for documenting purposes, I’ll list all the non-plant-pictures and non-kpop conversations I can remember actually participating in. Some of these will lead off into bigger topics, and I’ll specify those. But first, a word.

TO ANY OF THE FORMER MODS WHO MIGHT COME AFTER ME FOR SAYING THINGS ABOUT THE SERVER, SINCE THIS HAS APPARENTLY HAPPENED TO OTHERS: The server is deleted, and so is the text of the whole “contract” (yes, really) that people had to agree to in order to join VV. I remember that the agreement made sure we didn’t post screenshots publicly, but other than that I genuinely do not remember the text and I have no way of referencing it to keep in line with it since the server is deleted. I do not remember if documenting things like this is against anything I have agreed to, I have no record of the agreement, and I have not been notified of any place to access a record of the agreement before the server was deleted. If my post is some sort of violation, you cannot hold me accountable for rules that I am unable to follow, and I would greatly appreciate not being targeted with empty threats shrouded in scary legal language. If you have any point of contention with what I have said, feel free to take it up either publicly or privately. Please do @ me if it’s specific to me; I’m not really the vagueposting kind. If any of you want me to delete this post, you will need to provide actual proof of the agreement that I made by joining Violet Vineyard, and you will also need to prove that the rules were not edited after I agreed to them. If any of them were follow-up rules not from the beginning of the server, it’s possible that I did not see them and therefore you need to provide proof that I agreed to those, too. In addition, since image editing is what set off this avalanche in the first place hence we’re all aware that there’s software that allows us to edit images and pass them off as an original thing, you’ll need to provide proof that any screenshots/images are undoctored. Furthermore, since the rules have been deleted with the server, as the method I used to agree to follow them, you must prove that my agreement is still valid, since it seems to me it’s been nullified since it’s, well, gone either through deletion or kicking me out alongside everyone else. Tl;dr you don’t scare me lol.

Anyways, back to a list of the non-kpop, non-plant-pics, non-my-wips-promo conversations I can actually remember:

On January 5, 2020, the server had a conversation about Roshani Chokshi’s book The Gilded Wolves. I can give the date because during/in the aftermath of the conversation, which I talked about the book in, Mina DMed me quickly. (This was also the last time Mina ever directly contacted me.) I’ll talk about this later.

In February 2020 I believe I quickly mentioned getting concert tickets.

Either early this year or late last year I think I posted some stuff about landscape photography, with some photos of the beach.

I believe I posted a couple fashion pics at some point?

Back in May 2019 I got some kinda weird asks about Violet Vineyard and I think people were talking about that, and I assume I participated since I was the one who received the asks. At that time VV was like a super new server and didn’t really have much as far as the issues we’ve been talking about go, so I defended it. (I’ll be talking about this later.)

Probably in June/July 2019 people in the server had a discussion about Black Muslim characters and representation, initiated by me for one of my WIPs.

I think we talked about South Asian sweets at some point???

I believe in April/May 2019, there was some stuff in that server reagarding “drama” with Castor who at that time went by the url pilipalea that I honestly don’t remember much of. Castor was never in VV, but I believe they were in a server with Mina at some other point. There was something about grammar and proofreading?? (I’ll be referencing this soon as well.)

I helped someone with their computer science homework at some point.

I asked for r&b music recs at some point either late 2019 or earlier 2020.

I’ve also talked about ethnic clothes I think.

We’ve talked about Hindu nationalism and how awful it is.

I think we’ve talked about tone policing and how woc are often portrayed as “aggressive.”

We’ve talked about health/fitness and exercise.

I recommended Jade City and some other books I’m a fan of in there.

Probably talked about Bollywood movies at some point.

The fact that I can remember probably most of my conversations that lasted more than like, one message in there is, I think, a pretty good testament to a) me having at least a kind of decent memory and b) I wasn’t participating in the server so regularly that the conversations kind of blend together. I know this is all kind of long and dry for anyone who’s here for drama purposes lol, but I did want to establish that I’ve been in that server for quite a while and that I wasn’t monitoring it heavily; in fact, I had it muted very soon after joining it.

I wasn’t super close to anyone that I’d met through VV. People who are friends that I still regularly contact who were in VV with me, I had met through other servers and other interactions on Tumblr. I’ll disclose right now that I have been longtime friends with Ginger, Lisa, and Eff (@time-to-write-and-suffer), who have all come out against VV, and that we are in our own servers with people from writeblr. Ginger and Lisa were both in VV, Eff has never been.

Okay, back to maybe “juicier” stuff.

Mina had always positioned herself almost as this “tumblr mom” type. She’d reference her age a lot, which would contrast a lot with how a significant portion of the members were much younger and, I think, set up the dynamic of people looking up a lot to her and always coming to her defense. After all, we’re talking a bunch of passionate kids who’d found a writeblr network. And the server definitely seemed “legit”; I myself was pretty impressed with just how tightly organized everything was, and like I mentioned, there was fancy legal language to ~protect their rights~ and whatnot. Mina herself seemed so accomplished with so many talents: she’d post her writing and artwork, I believe she’d made a couple pieces of music, she’d work out and keep in shape, she had a seemingly wonderful loving relationship with her husband, she was active in research fields professionally and as an outbreak responder, and she, of course, had a significant online presence as a “big writeblr.” I remember when she’d started blowing up, so soon after her blog had been created, because of her prolific content and friendly persona. People, especially younger ones who had no other writeblr support group, looked up to her and trusted her. And the nature of the server was to shower everyone in praise, so Mina found herself on the receiving end of quite a bit of it. Mina would also actively boost and review other writers’ content, genuinely engaging with it and providing feedback, support, and valuable resources.

Mina also had a tight-knit group of adult friends. Some of them I believe carried over from pre-VV times (incuding CJ of typewriter-jade if I’m remembering correctly, who made fun of the trans person’s name in the reblog chain in the link to nuwuhorizons’s blog), while some were made afterwards. They would act super friendly and familiar with each other, which I think contributed to a lot of people falling into this little “friendship” super fast. They were also authority figures and role models, and tended to agree with each other, so everyone just went along with that.

These factors, I think, heavily influenced the dogpiling tendencies. People were eager to defend their community, where they’d found so much love and support for their work. Minors would go along with adults in conversations. When someone said something, others would enthusiastically support them. And people were just so into each other that I really couldn’t keep up, which is probably why I didn’t participate too much. People became just super fast friends and the server was so large and so seemingly “professional” and structured in how it was made. I think people just kind of assumed everyone in there was great and their friend who could be trusted deeply, when in reality that’s just impossible if there are like, 100+ members. Meaning if something minorly negative happened (like on that literal eleven-year-old’s blog), everyone would come in to say something to demonstrate their emphatic loyalty, even when it became excessive for something as small as an ask game done wrong.

This happened with the Gilded Wolves discussion as well. Someone stepped in to say that the way Gilded Wolves coded its antagonists as this shady secret society of people was antisemitic, and everyone joined in to rip the book apart without having even read it. I joined in the conversation to state that I didn’t see it that way, since that shady antagonist group was very much coded as white Christians (their names are all French Christian names) and were colonizers (meaning making them this shadowy group of powerful and evil people was accurate) and one of the protagonists, who is Jewish, is opposing them and antisemitism is portrayed as horrible, and that the book had had (if I’m remembering correctly) Jewish sensitivity readers and multiple Jewish book reviewers really enjoyed and recommended it. Then Mina stepped in to say that multiple Jewish journals she followed rated the book highly and recommended it meaning the accusation of antisemitism clashed heavily with what a lot of other people thought, and that since me and the other person who was saying the book was antisemitic were the only ones who had read it or were familiar with it in any capacity, it wasn’t fair for everyone to be judging it like that. It was like she’d flipped a switch: people were suddenly much more “reasonable” and “fair” and willing to give the book a chance, just because she’d stepped in. (As a quick note, I don’t remember exactly whether Mina stepped in first or if I stated my opinion first. I also want to mention that Mina DMed me to state that the person who accused the book of antisemitism had expressed some Zionist sentiments in the past and to say that maybe their take on the book could have come from Islamophobia with them maybe assuming obviously ethnic name of the author was a Muslim name. The Zioinist stuff is something I can’t actually speak on since again, I have no access to the server anymore and I don’t remember that person’s url. This was the last time Mina DMed me or I her.)

I wrote all that out because I think it illustrates a few things. Firstly, a good example of the tendencies of people going with the flow of things even when it led to dogpiling/drastic conclusions. When I say they were really trashing that book, I mean it! Secondly, it demonstrates the willingness of everyone to go along with what Mina said. Third, it shows that Mina was capable of stepping in to prevent dogpiling (and, seemingly, she would, at least if her beliefs aligned with the opposite of whatever incited the dogpiling) and that people would listen to her and actually change their minds. 

Whether or not Mina supported something was pretty important. Of course, it was her server, so she was definitely allowed to run it how she saw fit, but she would very swiftly pass judgement on things and everyone would just comply. One time, I think there were more than one different threads of conversation happening in the general channel of the server. Jess suggested making a second general channel to allow for other conversations, as is common in a lot of servers, including ones I’m in and moderate/own/have some power in. I don’t remember if I supported that suggestion or if I only backread that conversation, but I know at least one other person agreed. Mina said that as an older person (she’d very frequently bring up her age) she thought people could just wait for their turn in a conversation and didn’t even consider trying it out. Other mods, I believe, backed her up and said no to the second general conversation channel. I remember being a little confused as to why nobody even considered trying a member’s suggestion to make the server more easy to participate it and help provide additional structure/support how big it was, and why it was shut down because people could just wait for their turn, when clearly the general channel was getting overloaded before our eyes. But Mina didn’t see the need, so therefore nobody else wanted to do anything about it, and nobody ever mentioned it again, I think. I know this is a super minor instance lol, but I do think it illustrates something about the behavior in the server and how it was run. It’s not like other channels weren’t added based on need; one was created for the 2018 elections, one was created for talking about race in June during the height of BLM protests having news coverage, I’m pretty sure one was created for talking about the coronavirus. So, the mods were watching conversations and responding as they saw fit, they just wouldn’t field this request, for some reason. Obviously conversations getting muddled in a general channel isn’t as significant as major political events, antiblack racism, or a pandemic, but these channels were made to improve the server experience and likely to prevent these topics from completely overloading other channels, so, well.

Okay, the Castor/pilipalea stuff and dogpiling. I’ll say this stuff now because Castor has opened up about it (here [wayback machined] and here [archived in a google doc]), so I see that as permission for others to comment on it. If I’m remembering correctly and looking back at the right things, there was something about Mina giving advice on a grammatical error to one of her mutuals, or something asking if her mutuals wanted grammatical advice? Castor vagueblogged, presumably about that, and talked about classism in expecting good grammar from people, which is a valid issue, but seemed misapplied to this instance of someone consenting to receive advice on grammar/syntax/mechanics, if that’s what the vagueblogging was about. I reached out to Mina to let her know that I thought someone was vagueblogging about her, and she told me about past conflicts with Castor. I also reached out to Castor over DMs to ask what the vagueblogging was about, because you genuinely never know; classist prescriptivism is harmful and bad, and so many people on Tumblr are in so many different circles that similar topics may come up coincidentally. Castor wasn’t clear with me either about what the post was targeting and skirted around naming names.  

At this point, looking back, it still seems to be that it was about Mina, especially considering that Castor had previous history with her and others in her circle. Mina was irritated by the vagueblogging (who likes being vagueblogged about?) and also informed me, all the way back in April 2019, about this past server drama that Castor mentioned. It seems to me that it stemmed from a misunderstanding: Mina and I believe other mods noticed another person using Castor’s PSDs without credit. Mina checked with Castor about whether people should be crediting them for PSDs and Castor said that, yes, they wanted credit; you can see this interaction in the screenshot Castor linked on their post. 

This is where the accounts of what happened diverge: Mina expressed to me that she and the other mods weren’t very harsh since they’d seen that Castor’s friend had credited Castor in the past, so they just wanted to remind Castor’s friend to give credit, without knowing that Castor’s friend had permission to use the PSDs without crediting. I was told that Mina and the team of mods were professional in their handling of this; Castor has stated in their post that the group was extremely harsh. Since I don’t have any screenshots or exact records of what they said before I was in contact with Mina, I can’t comment, so I’ll withhold judgement on that. According to Mina, she and the other mods had not been very vocal about this crediting/PSD stuff, and very few people knew about it, so it did seem like Castor had attacked Mina out of nowhere.

What I can say is that the VV members were certainly quick to respond to the grammar vagueblog, and that if I’m remembering correctly, readily jumped to Mina’s defense. I distinctly remember that one VV member specifically asked whether it was about Mina in a reblog. This happened pretty early on in VV’s existence and I believe was the first major “drama” that VV got embroiled in. Looking back, I do think it was fair to be critical of Castor’s post. But this was also the first look at the tendencies people had of getting embroiled in the fervor of any perceived slight against a member (in particular Mina).

I noticed this again when I received anons that were sort of bitter about VV’s existence in May 2019, way before VV had gained the reputation that it has now. People were very quick to respond with hostility and slightly amplify the anger expressed by other members, and little by little things got really out of hand. I can totally understand being upset and irritated, since the asks were kind of unwarranted and the sender did apologize if I remember correctly. But there was a huge outpouring of vicious language from a lot of the members, and this was, I think, the first instance of proper dogpiling in VV, especially since it was an easy antagonist; the sender was out of line, and they were totally anonymous.

These were the only two instances of going to bat for VV that I ever participated in. For the other things, I either only backread or missed them completely. While they don’t really paint VV in a super bad light, not like the dogpiling of an eleven-year-old that Jess mentions in her post, it did give me a pretty good idea of how VV handled controversies.

I’ve mentioned some of my theories of why this dogpiling/toxicity happened. I’d also like to add that Mina would often send concise, decisively-worded statements about things. I think this may have come across as final-word judgments to a lot of people, so they would take that as the last say on a certain matter and escalate in severity of their response from there. And like, you should trust your friends and take what they say in good faith. But you still need to be thinking critically and considering your response, especially when you haven’t known someone for very long. And this, I think, was a big source of toxicity in the server. There were just so many people responding to the same issues and aligning their beliefs, and they’d build off each other and create an environment where these kinds of responses were okay. Plus, VV was always portrayed as a tight-knit family when not everyone knew each other and not everyone was active (as is totally normal for a massive server), so this also contributed to people wanting to defend each other all the time. And I don’t think the mod team did an adequate job of shutting it down, despite the veneer of a structured, sort of more “professional” space.

Okay, now onto the art stuff.

Disclaimer, I don’t draw digital or physical art. I was always aware that Mina was certainly at least using references for her work. In some cases I could even pinpoint which pictures were used, like one where the faceclaim was Ranveer Singh. I also received fanart of one of my characters that, of course, looked very similar to the faceclaim. It certainly was clear some tracing had happened in that picture because of the level of detail in the chikankari embroidery, but like…..it’s free fanart, chikankari isn’t copyrighted, and that embroidery is super difficult to draw anyways. What I was not aware of was Mina apparently tracing images and using them to advertise for commissions, which is something I do not condone. I also know my photography and photo editing tools, so I was aware that there was some filtering/editing going on. I’m not sure if Mina traced and didn’t disclose it for commissioned art.

Okay, now the server shutting down stuff!

I was completely unaware of the dogpiling/transphobia stuff happening in the server because I had it on mute. I only found out about all this two days ago. I received the message where everyone was @’ed about VV’s “migration” off Tumblr and that the server would be shut down. I can confirm that the concern was about mirror sites and that the server did discuss these mirror sites as a big intellectual property issue. I didn’t know people wanted the server shutting down to be kept so secret, and I honestly cannot think of a reason why; I feel like if those mirror site concerns were serious, people would be trying to spread the word on writeblr? So I think that people are right to be a little suspicious of the exact reason for the server’s closing.

I think I should mention also that people were pretty much always friendly with me on VV. I met a bunch of cool people, and Mina was always kind and supportive with me. @radley-writes has echoed similar sentiments here (wayback machined here) and here (wayback machined here) while being critical of the environment in VV.

I know this post is like, wildly long and probably quite dry and rambly at points, but I hope it does provide some specific examples to back up some of the criticisms of VV and document it a bit better.

Thank you for reading! I’ll make sure to edit this to add stuff if I remember things/see the need.

I also want to state that my post is more a critique of the environment than anything. I’m not trying to attack anyone at all, I’m just giving an account of stuff that has happened, my level of involvement, and my own thoughts on all this.

I also want to say that I am completely open to hearing what any of you have to say. Feel free to critique/discuss anything I’ve said in this post with me. If you want to vent about your experiences in/with Violet Vineyard, my inbox and DMs are totally open. If you want to keep things confidential, I won’t break your trust or reveal your identity (unless you start idk, spouting racist stuff at me or something). If you want to anonymously tell people about an experience, feel free to shoot me an anon.

I hope you’re all having a wonderful day! I’m sending you lots of love. Take care! <3

[ainabaina]

While I’m in an emotional mood - from BEING SO FOCUSED I COULDN’T SEE PROPERLY - HAVING MY HEART PLUMMET when SUNWOO FELL TO HIS DEATH, my heart RIPPED from all the high notes they were all spitting- Hui, Seonho etc (sorry I can’t remember my head’s like blank), to the sweat coming out excessively from my eyes during those interviews and THEN MY HAND HAD SOMEHOW BECOME ROGUE AND STARTED ACTING UP and IT’S ALL THE MC’s FAULT - ADD TO THE DRAMA WHY DON’T YOU? 

But seeing these boys cry and perform their hearts out and on a programme that’s attentive to this, I’m really proud of them. I’m proud of all of them. 

I haven’t watched passed The Boyz performance in episode 3 yet because I’m still waiting for my friend to watch it together so just a heads up why I won’t mention anything after that! 

Golden Child - I was honestly so surprised to see they got eliminated and so fast too! But I hope everyone sends them love regardless. They’re absolutely excellent artists so please give them love. I first saw these guys on the Weekly Idol episode they did with Weki Meki and fell in love with Donghyun but could never pick him out anywhere else because he just blended so well with blue. Also TAG’s reaction was so cute. Like their performance told a story. It was so artistic. My bias is Donghyun and TAG. PLEASE GIVE GOLDEN CHILD LOVE. ALSO WANNABE is an amazing song, please check out and stream their music. When Jangjun was on the phone with The Boyz, oh my god, he’s so funny but man if he did that to me he’d probably get a hiding. Not gonna lie :D 

TOO - Before RTK, I knew of them. I knew Magnolia but not enough to be familiar with the beat or lyrics. I knew Kyungho but only by face. The dance battle video too came frequently on my dash on Youtube and I regret not watching it sooner. The fact that they literally debuted in April just amazes me. Their Rising Sun performance was just so amazing, like I’ve watched it so many times. Also Donggeon, underrated vocalist, he’s become one of my favourites and literally just with that single performance, the power. TOO underrated everything. My biases (well at this point in time, I still need to get familiar with them) are Kyungho and Woongi. 

ONEUS - I was so happy seeing these boys on RTK and I hoped they would be able to grow their fanbase and their skills in the way they deserve. These boys are absolute treasures and literally all are some of the sweetest boys I’ve ever seen. I was already a fan of ONEUS before RTK and they really did not disappoint. My bias in ONEUS is Ravn and that did not change, although I did have difficulty finding who my biaswrecker was because they kind of all have that title at the moment. I love their new song too. Like give me more please. Also when the concept movie thing came out, I just wouldn’t leave my seat for a good half hour because I just kept getting immersed in it. 

VERIVERY - Now this is the group I probably feel the most apologetic (?) to because in comparison to other groups, I’m not too sure I can differentiate anyone and I know I could literally look up their names but it kind of feels more authentic (?) I guess this way. I know who Kangmin is and I thought we were the same age but nope he’s younger than me, way younger than I thought. I also really like their leader, Dongheon (I couldn’t help myself and looked up names and am just checking out their profile) and the way he organises his members and leads his members is absolutely amazing and diligent. Also - Hoyoung? Studied in New Zealand? AHH, wow it’s so weird hearing his accent cause like it’s also mine and I don’t know why it’s so strange to me. Fuck I want to find out what part of New Zealand he's from and I want them to perform here. Shit now I want to talk to him.  Okay guys please send recommendations of what I should watch because I can’t let this group slip from my fingers when I have them in sight so- 

Pentagon - AHH! Pentagon! I’m so fucking proud of them. They always hold themselves high throughout anything and they stay confident and everything no matter what happens. Seriously they’re boys that you could put all your trust, love and support in and know that it’s in a safe place and that with them it’s valued and I’m not saying that other groups aren’t like that, I just feel like it’s a thing with them. I mean, just look at Kino and that’s all the validation you need. But wow, their themes are absolutely amazing and Hui’s high note fucking killed me tonight. I knew who Pentagon were before RTK and stan them (kind of casually - I watch their videos and content often) But I have four biases in Pentagon and can’t choose between them and like there’s also another member that keeps snapping his fingers in front of my face and I’m tryna stay loyal. But I’ve got four possible biases, Jinho, YeoOne, Kino and Hui and there’s just a warm feeling with these guys. Like help, I can’t choose a bias from Pentagon to save my life and I’m kind of sad that Jinho has gone to serve military enlistment so soon but that just means he’ll be back sooner. 

ONF - Wow, ONF. That amount of things I’ve heard about them like literally a couple of weeks/months before RTK has been outstandingly large and I always seemed to see them with ATEEZ often. But their performances are so hard to get over, it like captures you in the moment with an ecstatic amount of dimensions and it’s just all really thought out. They’re also hilarious. Like I had to rewind a lot of the time because I find this one particular bit so funny. Their reactions were what I lived for. I’ve also come to realise I have a massive crush on Wyatt. Like damn. But can’t wait to listen to their music more and to find out more about their members. Right now all I really know is Wyatt and I’d like to get to know more. 

The Boyz - YAY! Congratulations my boys. So fucking proud of you you have no idea. Fucking freaked me out a lot (Sunwoo I’m looking at you you little sh*t) but I was in awe just watching you completely in your element. I used to be only a casual fan and knew most of the members but not all. I watched a couple of fan edits and liked a few pictures. I was so upset when Hwall left (and I hope he knows how proud of him I am as well). He was my bias and everything too so it was kind of a double hit. But 2020 must of been the year that I would eventually stan them stan them, stan them so much that they become top 3 on my personal kpop group bias list. Like I’m watching a lot of Youtube with them and their concepts and their ideas are so creative and open-minded. Like a concept is just a word to them and not a concrete ‘must do this’. But since becoming a stan, my love for Sunwoo grew again (I used to struggle between choosing between him and Hwall and also double biased them) and he’s actually my ideal type out of kpop idols. I also grew a love for Hyunjae and let me tell you, he fucking intimidates me and a massive part of that is because I have a crush on him. It’s just like-man. I remember first stanning them or trying to at least and like it feels like a faraway dream because it feels like it’s been forever supporting these boys and like they’ve become part of my heart and soul now. Like I love them so much and like world domination. 

[thestartline]

“Ray” May 2020 Issue - Stray Kids Interview (Maknae line)

Cute like a puppy ❤︎ the mischievous vocal - Seungmin

Born on September 22nd, 2000. Blood type A. With his mid bass tone, he in charge of vocals. He is fluent in English, and served as the MC for Kpop shows for foreign viewers. He is serious and a good student, but at times, he breaks down according to the members...?!

#Genius_puppy

BC: Seungmin is a puppy haha (In Japanese)

HN: A clever puppy, genius puppy!

BC: A very sensible and a genius puppy, Seungmin is bright and clever. He is knowledgable, and he accurately accomplishes everything that needs to be done.

Q. What is your charming point?

SM: My smile and singing voice. I’m also good at taking photos!

Q. What is the first thing you do in the morning?

SM: I immediately change my clothes.

Q. How do you switch up when you’re tired or feeling down?

SM: Sleep is the best medicine! But, at times when that doesn’t even work, I listen to music and change my mood. When I’m feeling down, I listen to sad songs on purpose and share the feeling. 

Q. If you weren’t a singer, what do you think you would be doing?

SM: A university student thinking about the future. I would have been a university student, thinking about my own future. When I was younger, I played baseball, and there were a lot of things I wanted to do!

Q. Tell us something surprising about the members!

SM: Bang Chan hyung can do anything, but he is really bad at games. I can beat him even with one finger!

Q. What do you think is the most important aspect to accomplish a dream?

SM: Earnest thoughts. If you truly and seriously think about what you want to be and do, I think you’ll be able to get closer to your dream.

Q. Is there a place you’d like to go in Japan?

SM: Character shop! There are many cute characters in Japan, so I want to go to a character shop and do some shopping.

Q. Is there any Japanese piece you like?

SM: The ninja’s in “NARUTO” are really cool! The artists I like are “SEKAI NO OWARI”. I think they have a really pretty voice.

Q. What is a Japanese word you learnt recently?

SM: 「気をつけて帰ってください。」(”Please go home safely.”). I used it at the Japanese concert. 

Q. If you become another member for a day, who would it be?

SM: I want to become Changbin hyung and shout! Changbin hyung has a really cool voice. He is a integral part of Stray Kids’ music.

The more you know, the more there is to know; the sweet and pure boy - Felix

Born on September 15th, 2000. Blood type AB. From Australia. From his cute and sweet visuals, his super deep voice rap and sharp movements cannot be imagined. His hobby is to play games. 

#Magic_face

IN: He’s really good looking. No matter what performance he does or whatever he sings, he always looks good, and any hairstyle suits him! “It’s magic!”, is what I think.

HJ: He has this atmosphere to him, and his facial structure makes him look noble. Yet, his actions are cute.

#Fiery_charisma

LK: He recently dyed his hair red, and when he stands on stage, along with his strong gaze, he is really cool.

Q. What is the first thing you do in the morning?

FX: I play games sometimes haha. I play games and wake myself up. These days I’ve been playing “Call of Duty” or RPG games.

Q. If you weren’t a singer, what do you think you would be doing?

FX: Probably something to do with music like piano or singing. I like gaming, but I don’t think I would have been a pro gamer. It becomes stressful when its something professional so. I want to have fun with games haha.

Q. How do you switch up when you’re tired or feeling down?

FX: Music is the best! Light music is relaxing. I used to listen to the sound of harps, but these days I listen to band music more. I like Coldplay these days. 

Q. What do you think is the most important aspect to accomplish a dream?

FX: To understand yourself. To find the reason why you’re alive in this world. By looking for that reason, I think it is most important to understand who you are. I think that might make it easier to find happiness in your life.

Q. What made you the most excited recently?

FX: When I went to the dog cafe. I went alone to one last year in November. I used to be a cat person, but these days I can understand dogs and their actions so I’m really interested in them! I went for the first time with my mother, and it was so fun that I’m really into it now. I have a lot of memories with many puppies at different cafe’s now haha. I play with them while drinking something, pat them, feed them, and relax while I’m there,

Q. Is there any Japanese piece you like?

FX: i have a lot! I’m interested in anime’s like “Dragon Ball” and “NARUTO”

Q. If you become another member for a day, who would it be?

FX: Changbin hyung. He has a nice figure and he’s also muscular. I want to have Changbin hyung’s body and hold up things and people.

Q. What is a Japanese word you learnt recently?

FX: 「ぴえん」(t/n the pleading face emoji). A Japanese fan told me at a fansign! It sounds really cute so I remember it!

Q. What is something you always bring with you on foreign schedules?

FX: Charger with four ports. I charge my phone, earphones, game controller, and charger at the same time.

Q. What is your charming point?

FX: My freckles. I didn’t have that much when I was younger, but because I grew under the sun in Australia, it seems like I gotten more. There aren’t many people with freckles, and I think its something unique about myself! I also had a photoshoot with a Korean magazine before which I purposely didn’t put on any makeup and showed my freckles.

A genius multi-player that attracts the audience in a second - Han

Born on September 14th, 2000. Blood type B. Part of 3RACHA along with Bang Chan and Changbin, and while he is well known for his passionate and melodic tunes, his high tone is well received along with his lyric and song writing. Also humourous, and is known as the mood maker.

#七方美人 (t/n: the original saying is 八方美人 and refers to people who’s nice to everyone / tries to please everyone)

SM: In Korea, we call people who can do anything 八方美人 but because Han is lacking something, we call him 七方美人 

CB: He’s lacking something, but we don’t know what that is haha.

HN: I really like it!

BC: Like this, Han is the mood maker. He makes his surrounding brighter.

HN: Everyone laughs just by looking at my face haha.

Q. What is your charming point?

HN: My face that resembles a squirrel. Squirrels are cute - I’m happy people call me that!

Q. What made you the most excited recently?

HN: When I was able to watch an anime from the start to the end in my bed at our dorm in Korea. Its an anime called “Himouto! Umaru-chan”. I really love anime!

Q. Anything you’re into these days?

HN: Um... to watch anime haha. I feel calm when I watch anime, and all the cluttered thoughts in my head goes away. “Himouto! Umaru-chan” is really funny, the main character is so cute!

Q. Is there any Japanese piece you like?

HN: Gibli is a legend! If its anime, definitely “Himouto! Umaru-chan” haha. Besides that, I like “Howl's Moving Castle”, “Spirited Away”, “My Neighbour Totoro”, “Castle in the Sky”... Gibli is a legend, everything is a masterpiece. If its an movie, “I want to eat your pancreas”. Its very sad and I watched it four times.

Q. What is a Japanese word you learnt recently?

HN: 「この番組は、ご覧のスポンサーの提供でお送りします。」(”This program is brought to you by these sponsors.”). I saw this a lot whenever I watched “Detective Conan”, and I got curious so I looked it up haha.

Q. If you weren’t a singer, what do you think you would be doing?

HN: I would have continued studying. I’m not great at studying, but my parents wanted me to study so. I didn’t have any dreams besides becoming a singer, so if I didn’t become one, I would have probably listened to what my parents wanted me to do.

Q. What do you think is the most important aspect to accomplish a dream?

HN: To have a precise goal. You need to have a specific goal to know how you will accomplish your goal. I think its important to have a plan to know how to accomplish it. 

Q. Tell us something surprising about the members!

HN: Seungmin is actually quite silly haha. He has a very intelligent and wise image, but when his tension is at max, he does really silly stuff! He shouts in a loud voice, or he suddenly comes into the room and says “Aaaaah!” and leaves.

Q. If you become another member for a day, who would it be?

HN: I would want to become handsome Hyunjin, and see how the others watch him haha.

Thoughtful and the maknae loved by everyone - I.N.

Born on February 8th, 2001. Blood type A. The youngest who has the cutest smile is said by all members that there is no one sweet as him. He tends to lose things easily, and apparently, he has lost his wireless earphones 3 times.

#Tornado_of_Cuteness

HJ: He’s too cute! He’s always just cute!!

Q. What is your charming point?

IN: How my eyes droop when I smile. My long eyes are my charming point. I’m normally the youngest and loved, but when I’m on stage I don’t smile as much, so perhaps that gap might be a charming point as well? haha

Q. Anything you’re into these days?

IN: Coffee frappuccino. I’ve always liked coffee and normally drink americano, but the other day I wanted to try something new and ordered it. It was really good and I was surprised!

Q. What do you think is the most important aspect to accomplish a dream?

IN: To have fun. If you can have fun, you can be positive! If you can accomplish your dream, I think it is important to be happy.

Q. Is there any Japanese piece you like?

IN: Since I was young, I’ve always loved “Crayon Shin-chan!”

Q. If you become another member for a day, who would it be?

IN: Bang Chan hyung who has wide shoulders! He also has a lot of physical strength, so I want to know what it feels like to have wide shoulders. But, I think I enjoy being myself the most haha.

Q. What made you the most excited recently?

IN: When we were given our breaks! My home is in Busan, I look forward to going home and eating during the break. There are many good foods, and because there is the sea, it feels great too. I want to recommend Gwangalli Beach and pig gukbap!

Q. What is a Japanese word you learnt recently?

IN: 「これはなんですか？これはゼロコークです」(”What is this? This is Coke Zero”)

Q. Tell us something surprising about the members!

IN: Han hyung surprisingly doesn’t sleep a lot at night. He seems like he sleeps a lot, and its not like he doesn’t, but he’s the type to be on his phone at night and staying up late. And, Han hyung watches a lot of dramas, after Hyunjin hyung.

Q. If you weren’t a singer, what do you think you would be doing?

IN: A preschool teacher or a social worker I think.

Q. How do you switch up when you’re tired or feeling down?

IN: I don’t do anything specific, but I try to make some time to think and sort my head out on my own. I think it is best if you rest at times like that, so I make time to rest, and try to think positively as possible. 

!! Take out with credits; @yarn1003 on twitter !!

[lalalamedown]

10 questions tag!!

Long post, I'm sorry

Tagged by @safetypineapples 💗🥺 thx

👀rules: answer 10 questions and leave 10 more for the people you tag!

1. Who would you bring to your ult group's concert?

So I had this virtual friend from Brazil. We met because we had the same sun and rising sign and then found out we were born (1 year and) two days apart and called each other "twin". I loved her so much, and still do. When we met she said she didn't like kpop but now she's crazy for Blackpink. At one point we went south and eventually stopped talking, even though we both miss each other and know the other one does too (it's a complicated situation). Since Blackpink is one of my ult groups (along with Stray Kids) and is also her ult group, I would take her to their concert. Damn that was long

2. What language do want to learn?

Korean, but I'm already working on that. ☺️ I'd like to learn Japanese but I don't really have the motivation. A big part of the content I consume everyday is in Korean, so that's a great source of motivation. Also I want to improve my English as much as possible.

3. What is the worst ice cream flavour?

That's a hard one... I could easily tell you the best flavour but idk if I've had enough ice cream to know the worst. Probably chocolate tho, it's nasty and completely ruins the delicious treat that is chocolate.

4. What did you major in? Or what are you planning to major in?

I'm still in high school and I can't see myself doing anything that doesn't have to do with animals so I'm planning on going for Veterinary Medicine.

5. How did you get into kpop?

Buckle up guys, this is gonna be a crazy ride. This happened in 2015/2016. I saw a bunch of people talking about about kpop on the internet and my limited brain thought Kpop was the name of a group so I looked it up on YouTube and watched some BTS M/V but didn't think much of it. So, one day I was looking for some content about Jeff The Killer on Wattpad (awful choice) and stumbled across a Jeff X reader fanfic. It wasn't exactly what I wanted but why not, right? Turns out the reader was dating Jungkook and was in a dance group with BTS, then he cheated on her I think and she killed him and danced in his place in some competition. Then, some how, Jeff got in the story and they banged and tried to kill each other or something. I think she even gets pregnant. Idk. But I managed to go from that to stanning BTS. I also remember the second BTS fanfic I read was Jimin X Jungkook, and in the first chapter one of them couldn't walk already. I really started off on the wrong side of the fandom lol

6. Which country do you want to live in?

I'd like to live in Korea or maybe USA, but not for long. 1 to 3 years. Though I think I'm just gonna stick to Portugal. But I'm probably going to move to the mainland (I'm from Azores).

7. Something you want to say to the leader of your country?

Not much, I'm not really into politics, only that he slayed those blue shorts. I actually like him. For some reason this pic of him (Marcelo Rebelo de Sousa) 👇 went viral a while ago. I think it was something about him being a person and just another citizen instead of a public character/persona.

8. Do you want play any instrument?

When I was younger I was learning to play the clarinet but one day my father forgot to pick me up and I never wanted to return. Now I'm trying to learn how to play the ukulele by myself.

9. What kind of student are you?

I used to be the kind to get good grades without trying to much but at one point It started getting harder and I had never learned how to study so it was fucked up. In addition to that there's depression and an education system that doesn't quite work for me (or for most people). Now I'm recovering a bit but it's really hard. So I'm the kind of student that can't focus on class, "learns" as we solve exercises, gets home exhausted and with no motivation but some how still manages to not fail any class

10. What extreme sport would you like to try?

Tbh, none 😂😅 I'm the biggest pussy.

Tagging: @girl-grouplove @seuljin only if you want of course 💗

My questions:

[nctinfo]

[TRANS] Yuta’s solo interview with Men’s Nono!

“K-pop” which keeps on surpassing Asia, winning fans all over the world. Men’s nonno invited NCT 127 which consists of multinational members including a Japanese, whose songs, fashion, and overwhelming performance stands out. Following last summer’s article, YUTA’s first single interview has finally happened! Immediately after his performance in his hometown, Osaka, he talked with us thoroughly.

My childhood in Osaka and my encounter with K-POP

What made you want to travel to South Korea and take part in the KPOP world? I always wanted to play soccer in my hometown Osaka. I was the active type when I was a child, always running around with my friends from morning till night. I was playing soccer for my dear life, but during middle school, I started to wonder about my future. During that time, I saw TVXQ on TV, “they’re so cool” I was amazed. Anyhow, their performance was so amazing. I thought I also wanted to become someone like them. I was 14 years old. My mum was a fan so she had their DVD, rather than being advised to do this it was something that flowed naturally.

Were you more interested in KPOP rather than soccer?  Since my older and younger sisters were taking dance classes, music was something really familiar to me. It was something I listened to every day so I feel like I may have already had a base.

What kind of things did you do before jumping into the KPOP world? When I got to Korea I was 16 years old. I passed the audition for SM entertainment, where I belong now, held in Japan and got to go to South Korea as a trainee. I was in a situation where I didn’t understand Korean at all so before I moved there I studied hard, even sticking Korean words in our bathroom walls. 

At what time did you discuss it with your family? Ah, I, auditioned in secret. I told my parents when I passed though, “I want to go to Korea”. My mom was really surprised... then, I saw my dad cry for the first time. I may have been a little lonely because I was going to live away. But I was so focused that I don’t remember much about it. I also didn’t tell my sisters. I was a teenager so I was kind of embarrassed. (laugh) I used to check for auditions in magazines alone. 

So that ability to take action by yourself has finally shown results.  Yes. I think is important to take action by ourselves if there’s something I want to do. But it wasn’t like I was that confident, for the time being, I was trying to challenge myself. Since there was an audition from the company of the group I liked I decided to take it. I was really nervous, actually, I get nervous even now when thinking about it (laugh). It was the start of everything after all. 

The frantic days when I aimed for debut

It is a tough world where not all trainees can debut, right?  Thinking back, I thought “I really want to debut” so singing, dancing, I did my best every day. I was, in many aspects, thinking only about myself. But, after I debuted and experienced this first tour, I realized that we are here thanks to our fans, so I want to show our best performance. Now compared to my trainee days, my way of thinking is completely different. 

Did you take your lessons and learn Korean at the same time? I feel like I learned it naturally during the lessons. At first, I used to talk using a translator app on my phone. Sometimes it was a really weird or screwed up translation, hahahaha. 

It seems that even though you were struggling you maintained a positive attitude.   I’m doing something I like so, of course, there are some bad things but I have fun. Also, I didn’t get homesick at all. I didn’t think about thing like wanting to go home. For, that I’m really grateful.  

Things Yuta has Faced as He's Debuted 

What did you especially work hard on? What I really thought about is was how to express my own thoughts and feelings to others. There are of course many modes of communication but how can I communicate my own feelings while also making sure to respect the opinions of others so that we can work together. It's not about the difference in languages necessarily but how you express or communicate your thoughts and feelings. I think, whether your thoughts come across clearly isn't an issue of whether you can speak a language or not. For music and concerts, I speak with a lot of different and various people while working on the process. You have to make sure that what you want to do is clearly communicated and comes across, but at the same time you have to make sure that you are taking in others' opinions as well. It's a collaborative process, so it's essential that the channels of communication are clear. Did you have to put in a lot of effort outside dance and vocal lessons? Improving my dancing and singing is of course important, but beyond that, learning how to interact with people is very important. Did you also experiment on how to show and express yourself more? I think the most important thing when expressing yourself is that you can't unless you know yourself really well. I think it's the same with fashion as well. When I have the opportunity to work with really impressive creators and artists,  I notice that when I talk to them that they know who they are. If you can't analyze yourself, then you can't show who you are, so it's important initially to think about "how you want to be seen by others and how you are seen by others." I've only just started thinking that way though. After I debuted I would sometimes look at myself objectively and thought "something's a little off, I really want to be seen more in this way but why isn't it coming across like that." I think those experiences are important as well. What do you think is your strength that you've found through this experience? My singing and dancing still have much farther to go, but I want to challenge myself more, and in that sense I think I have "confidence" in those abilities now. I think you gain confidence while building up experience, and if I have confidence, then all that's left is to work hard so that I can show everyone what I can do. Please wait for me with anticipation, is the current feeling I have. What do you find the most rewarding about debuting? I'm still thinking…but I think it's probably getting to perform at concerts. This January we had our first solo concert in Seoul and there was something I really felt. By doing the concert it felt like returning to my roots, and I was able to remember when I first debuted. I think it's been the biggest turning point for us. 

Yuta on NCT 127’s Charms

NCT 127 has been steadily growing their area of activities and their fan base. Our strength is that we constantly challenge are ourselves. On music and fashion, we are opened minded. Our members being multinational is also big. We do talk about wanting to try all the genres and wanting to become a team that can bring about trends. It’s why every time we release a new song, we change our concept completely each time. We never have an instance where we say no to a concept because it doesn’t suit us. Your music continually takes in the latest sounds and it seems almost like you have an antenna to pick things up. That’s also because we are multinational. As we are based in Korea, we pay attention to their music trends and for what’s popular in western music, we ask our American and Canadian members. Various members have different expertise like R&B and hip-hop is Mark while general pop music is Johnny. I can ask about any genre! (😂) I sometimes tell my members about what’s trendy in Japan. It’s such a rewarding environment to be in, that in addition to our great teamwork, it’s so open. The Japanese debut “Chain” is a song that symbolizes that, with the message of “transcending borders to connect”? in the lyrics. That’s true, I performed with the feelings of connecting from Seoul to Tokyo, and to continue that connection beyond to the world. I would love for MEN'S NON-NO readers to listen and also to look at the choreography. While we’re on the topic, what music do you listen to? I listen to a lot of different genres. Rather than considering it work, I just love music. Kanye West, Sam Smith, Bruno Mars....I also listen to Japanese music, I love back number   For Japanese rappers, BAD HOP is my favorite and I recently recommended them to Taeyong, who is in charge of rap. As a group, what is important in terms of finalizing your performances? Teamwork. For instance, if a member is singing at the center and someone on the edge does a flashy move, it can be distracting. We try to be cognizant of not just our own performances, but also the other members’ highlights. We know each other’s high points well and it’s fun because we all have different specialties. What do the other members compliment about you? This is embarrassing haha. I’m told I have a bright personality. They tell me my performance skills are good but they are all kind so......I do get criticized at times though. Our leader Taeyong has great stage presence and will tell me “Yuta, this move should be more like this” or “Maybe try this expression” and I find that helpful. These interactions continue even after finishing a performance and we are constantly fixing things. In my case, I always change the small gestures I do. They are different each and every time. 

Worldwide activities of NCT 127

NCT 127 has made a  lot of buzz with your North American debut, being on the Jimmy Kimmel live show, and an exclusive invitation to the Mickey Mouse's 90th-anniversary celebration concert in Asia. You were the first Asian artist to be featured on Apple Music Up Next, and at the American Music Awards, various celebrities posted pictures with you on social media. It's been a really exciting experience. To think that I would go from Japan to Korea, only to perform in America….I would have never imagined. It was great to see that our music has been accepted in various places, and I also got to study the differences in culture. But, the fans' feelings are the same no matter what country we are in. Even if the way they bop to music can be slightly different. Oh, and English is difficult. Even if I learn the phrases, pronunciation is a struggle. Before recording, I go to the members who speak English to learn from them. I'll tell them "say it super slowly!" and record them as a voice memo on my phone so I can listen to it multiple times (haha). Japanese is the easiest to put my feelings into singing, but I'm enjoying the experience of singing in different languages. In the future, I would love to have activities in even more different countries. For your first Japan tour, what is something you want people to pay attention to? I'd love for people to pay attention to everything (haha), but the slightly acrobatic performances. We practiced really hard for those! Oh and our music generally has a strong dance performance image, but this time we have songs from medium tempo to straight ballads. We changed our style for the different songs so please enjoy that. 

Expressing Yourself through Fashion

Since it is a MENS NON-NO interview, let’s move on to fashion. Here it comes~ (haha). I often wear a bucket hat in my casual attire. I wear them when I’m dancing as well and they’ve become a bit of a trademark for me. On my style, either I’ll be dancing or in front of the mirror and striking a pose, before deciding if an outfit works on me. No matter how cool or stylish an outfit is, if I’m moving and I feel like “this isn’t me” then it doesn’t feel right. I’m sure you have opportunities to wear luxury brand items, but have you found favorites? Lately, it has been neon colors! My sneakers today are neon, but I want to challenge myself more. They stand out onstage, and I think I look good in them (haha). What do you want to wear heading towards the spring season? An over-size coat. I'd like to wear one that's a bit large. I turn 24 this year so I'm thinking of going with a more relaxed mature style with a wet hairstyle. Oh, I'll read Mens Nonno for this (haha) What are the differences between performances and fashion jobs like today's shoot? I think they're pretty connected. When I look at people who are really stylish or fashionable and I think "wow~ that's an artist."  Building a performance and coordinating a style is quite similar in my opinion. Both express your sense of style and emotions, which makes them personal. In a fashion shoot, that moment when you pull off a perfect pose or facial expression is really similar to dancing. Is there anything that you would like to ask the MEN'S NON-NO audience? I'd like to ask what everyone does for the when they coordinate their outfits. For me, I had a moment of inspiration today where I thought "ah I should  wear a ring with this." I started wondering how people come to such conclusions, and I found the idea very interesting, since it depends on each and every person I'm sure.

Your future goals and dreams

Now that you’re making your dreams come true, what are your future goals? I want to do concerts in bigger venues, even tour all 47 prefectures! I want to give back more to the people who’ve been waiting for us. I sometimes struggle with not being able to articulate what I want to say at the moment. I’ll think later “ah why couldn’t I just say this?” I want to lessen those instances while traveling from Hokkaido to Okinawa.   Lastly, what would you say to your 16 yr old self who’d made the decision to go to Korea from Japan? Worry your heart out, it’ll help you grow.

Translation: Eri, Leda @ FY! NCT (NCTINFO) | Source: Men’s Nonno — Do not repost or take out without our permission!

[ofmanywiles]

tbh ive been simultaneously distracting myself and trying to gather my thoughts and feelings for the past couple of days

i was already emotional over the fact that sj were finally coming back ~as a whole after their ‘military hiatus’, and idk in a way her death made me appreciate that theyre back and that theyre even still going after 14 years. even though i didnt have like .... ~emotional attachment to her (in that she wasnt exactly a ~bias and ngl i hadnt really been following kpop for the past few years, let alone her career esp after she left f(x)), the fact that f(x) were the first girl group that i followed right from their pre-debut kinda just really hit me. idk how to separate my thoughts. ive just been listening to sj’s album on repeat for the past two days, just enjoying the fact theyre back but at the same time worrying about how theyre coping. im glad they still have each other and theyre as close as they are. but it still worries me esp since teuk has spoken about his depression before, but also his tendency to keep his struggles to himself. but hopefully the members will be able to help each other through this difficult time.

i hope they can still feel the fans support for them. it hurts to hear that teuk had thought this would be their last comeback while preparing for the album because they seemed to be losing fans and people were moving onto younger newer bands and their last couple of releases hadnt been great successes. i guess that’s why there’s all the nostalgic references throughout the album and the whole ~newtro concept. and im glad that his mind was changed after seeing the support at ss8, but it still hurts. i mean, fine, yeah, i hadnt really been into kpop that much since maybe around 2014?? and i didnt keep up to date with their music tbch but they were one of the few groups id actually bother to think about and go back and catch up on every few months.

simply because of the fact that they were the ones who got me into kpop.

and theyre the ones who brought me back.

(well... kyu returning from military to be accurate lmao)

man.... personally its been over a decade. probably around 12 years?? all i can definitely remember is that u was the mv that really introduced me to sj and kpop, that chul in dont don reminded me of reno in ff7:advent children lmfao, but it was defo before sjm debuted, so yeah late 2007-early 2008 was when i got into kpop.

tbh the anticipation this comeback takes me back most clearly to sorry sorry. the first album i really ~waited for, the first album i bought (with multiple versions lmfao rip pocket money). a decade later, i had the same feelings of following all the build up, the teasers. obviously theres a lot More this time round, what w social media and sj returns lmao but just simply the feelings of looking forward to a comeback are the same, with an extra hit of nostalgia, and the thoughts of what ifs, couldve beens ......

actually thinking back to sorry sorry era kinda makes my heart ache. that song and album really pushed them to the forefront of kpop - not my favourite sj song but it is special simply for the success it brought them. but also it was the last time really all of them were together. maybe thats why it is so special. yeah it is overplayed, and it’s not exactly a musical masterpiece, and we mock how it was basically remade into miina and mr simple.

but the memories it holds. of the making of hallyu kings. of ot13.

and ten years later now theyre back as whole as they can be again.

and i hope that, even though the promotions aren’t going smoothly, they can have that feeling of success again, in whatever sense of the word it may be for them. it’s not been easy, these fourteen years. we still believe in u. ur fans are still here. thank you for brightening my days, with your chaos and with your music. thank you for even bringing me into kpop, despite the misgivings i have about the fandom and the industry. maybe ur not perfect, but thank you for being people, idols, a group, for others to look up to. despite all the setbacks and everything that’s been chucked at you, metaphorically, uhh literally, thank you for showing us ur perseverence and loyalty. thank you for giving me the opportunity to be ur fan, whether you are 12, 13, 15, 10, or 9, or less.

thank you for being super junior though maybe not so junior now

[softforday6]

좋아합니다. You x Young K (feat. DAY6). Chapter II.

My god, the aesthetic at days gone by 행복했던 날들이었다) MV was just GOALS. I wish I was an art director for Kpop bands, it seems like my place in this world.

Summary: Younghyun is in love with his best friend and decides to do something about it. It won’t be an easy task, will he be able to overcome his fears and change his reality?.

Genre: Romance, smut (in the future).

»»————-　♡　————-««

[Previously]

1.Heart surpassed by Soju (available).

»»————-　♡　————-««

“I walk the tight rope on my way home. You’re my backbone, I know you’re somewhere close behind me”- Saving Grace, The Maine.

Saturday, 8 am. Seoul. Y/N’s Apartment. [Your Point of View].

My awakening was abrupt when I heard the noisy alarm I set up last night to meet my best friend. I had this brilliant idea: Hey, I should connect my phone to the speakers next to my bed! that way I won’t fall asleep… Awesome.

I quickly got up from my bed thinking that next time I should come up with another strategy.

15 unread messages: Younghyunnie: Are you up? Hello? … Don’t forget about me! H E L L OOOOOOOOOOO (…)

I smiled and when I was about to write him back, he called.

-Are you up?- he asked.

-Well… Who would you be speaking to right now if I wasn’t?-I asked, mocking him like he usually does.

-Oh, I see you woke up being funny today…-he replied.

Even though I couldn’t see him, I could imagine him rolling his eyes.

-I’ll be there in a moment, I’ll let you know when I arrive-he said.

8:30 am. Younghyun’s coffee shop. [Your point of view]

When we arrived to his coffee shop I saw all the costumers enjoying the atmosphere of this beautiful place he created. I looked at every detail thinking about all the dedication he puts in the things he creates.

While I was waiting for my vanilla latte, I noticed the string of lights he added, as I once suggested.

-Hey! you did what I said.

He turned around and looked at me while I pointed at the new aesthetic.

-Yeah, it was a great idea. You like it?.

-Yes, it suits the place- I answered, getting closer to him to hug him-I missed you.

He stopped what he was doing to embrace me in his arms. I have to admit: his cups of coffe and his hugs are one of the warmest things to me.

-Me too-he said, messing up my long dark hair a little bit- go make yourself comfortable in my office.

♡━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━♡

[Flashback] -I can’t stop thinking about you, Y/N. Can we try again?. -We are over, Hongseok. There’s no turning back now and you know it. -I know but I really want to be with you, I miss you. Don’t you feel the same way?

♡━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━♡

-Here you go-Younghyun said while bringing us both our cups of coffe to his desk.

We used this time to catch up. He told me more details about his trip to Tokyo with Wonpil and all these new plans he has for his coffee shop and I listened to him, admiring how he always manages to achieve his goals.

-And what about you? Did something new happened while I was gone? besides this work thing you’ve told me.

I was silent for a few seconds, feeling a little weird about this whole Hongseok situation. We broke up two months ago after fighting so much. I didn’t say anything because I knew Younghyun would have delegate his tasks to Wonpil in order to come and see me and make me feel better. I remember once, when we were younger, he noticed I had puffy eyes, as a result of a restless night I spent crying my lungs out. That day, he insisted to spend the day with me, trying to make me laugh and listen to what hurted me. Since I met him, everytime I feel  a knot in my throat I feel like I need him.

-Are you okay?- he asked when he noticed I pouted, knowing that I tend to do so whenever I’m about to cry.

-Yeah… it’s just that I missed you so much-I said, holding back my tears.

He laughed out loud and got closer to me to embrace me in his arms once again.

-Why are you so cute!?-he said.

He kept laughing at me.

-Don’t laugh at me!

-I’m not. You are just too cute.

I started sobbing lightly.

-Hey, I’m back. I’m not going anywhere.

-Promise?

-I promise. From now on, we’ll see each other more often but if you get bored of me, that won’t be my problem.

I smiled. Bored? that never happened.

-How about we go to the movies later?-I asked.

-Hey, hang on! The day isn’t even over yet and you want to meet me again? I need a little space- he said while letting himself fall into his office’s couch.

-You said that we were going to see each other more often.

I pouted and he laughed.

-I’m kidding! let’s go on sunday.

Before I drank the last sips of coffee, my phone vibrated.

Hongseokkie: Can I see you tonight?

I sighed and I turned my phone down to avoid seeing new notifications from him.

-Who was it?-he asked.

-Hongseok, he wants to meet me tonight.

12 am. Y/N’s apartment. [Your point of view].

I invited Jae for lunch and I cooked for us spaghetti with scarparo sauce. Since this whole work thing that happened, I didn’t have much time to meet my friends, and now that we were finishing this project, I made myself some time to see Jae.

-We spoke about stress this week, have you heard?-he asked.

Jae works as a radio broadcaster and I’ve always admired his ability to host a show, giving that he has a very interesting personality. He is probably one of the most charismatic people I’ve ever seen, besides Jimin, that works with him. Because of them, I was able to meet my best friend when we were younger.

-Of course- I said.

-Did it help?

-Well, yeah… Actually, I have news: I broke up with Hongseok.

He stopped eating to raise his arms.

-Aleluya!-he said.

Jae knew about our fights and insisted, just like Jimin, that I should leave him.

-Please, don’t go back. You always consider what other people want and not what you need. So, this time, think about yourself.

-I will, Jae. Don’t worry.

-Sometimes I do. We love you and want you to be okay, you know? Take care of yourself.

-I know, that’s why I love you too.

I lightly squished his cheek and he smiled.

-Please, don’t tell this to anyone. Only Jimin and you knew about our fights.

-Okay, I won’t.

10:15 pm. Younghyun’s house. [Younghyun’s Point Of View].

How was I going to get what I wanted this time? Hongseok it’s still a part of the story.

Can things work the way I want them to this time? please? I said out loud, staring at the ceiling as if someone was going to answer my desperate wish.

It looked like, once again, timing wasn’t right for me.

While I was closing my eyes, my phone vibrated. For a while I thought it could be her but then I remembered that her boyfriend wanted to see her. I sighed, feeling a little frustrated and I saw who was calling: Olivia, a girl I met at a bar a few months ago before I went to Tokyo.

-Hey, baby- she purred.

-Hi…

-I know you’re back in town and I wanted to give you a welcome gift. I’m all alone, I’ll wait for you.

Before I could say anything, she hang up the phone. I got up from my bed, trying to rewrite on my erratic past like a coward, forgetting my deepest desire.

Chapter 3. Your love is Forbidden (available).

[banacafe]

What I think of Jinyoung

[Semi-Long Post] This is my personal opinion, assumptions, and speculations about the current situation with Jinyoung. Remember that these are just my opinions which can be different from yours, so if you have any comments, please feel free to discuss.

Jinyoung deciding to open Link8

I’ve seen a handful of BANAs being angry and hurt at Jinyoung and his actions, thinking that he’s selfish. I, personally, don’t think Jinyoung is selfish (well, partially, which are some points I’ll cover). Jinyoung’s a person who has a strong will of motivation and ambition. We have to think about Jinyoung when he first became a trainee until now. Was it really his dream to be a singer and promote in an idol group? Being in an idol group and having crazy schedules is tiring. I cannot imagine the pain of what an idol has to endure, waking everyday and giving your best to the world and eventually asking yourself if this is the right path? Jinyoung admitted that when he was younger, he knew that he wanted to create and make things, which is why he stuck with composing and making songs for the B1A4. Maybe being in B1A4 wasn’t what he thought it was supposed to be. That was when he started questioning if he wants to continue to be in the group. WM probably didn’t do well to promote Jinyoung like how he wanted, so he wanted to become his own boss. And I saw this happening right after “Who am I” Era and coming to “Sweet Girl” Era.

I have worked hard and long enough to understand that dreams (ambition, dream careers, and hope) can die as you work too long or too hard. Sometimes, we get no results, and it becomes hopeless and worthless, which is why I admire people like Jinyoung or others who still has a sense of hope in their dreams. Jinyoung opening Link8 is a part of new dream he has. And it’s ok to have new dreams and desires and leave your old ones when you realize it doesn’t work out. Unfortunately, B1A4 is probably the old dream he had but gave up on it.

About Jinyoung posting on Social Media

With Jinyoung and Link8 actively posting, Jinyoung releasing his own song, and creating a season greeting, these are just ways to promote himself and the company. I don’t think it has to do with competing with B1A4. This really reminds me when I first got into Kpop with H.O.T, and they disbanded shortly. Many people were saying that Kangta, Heejun, and SM tried to release albums in order to compete with JTL who became a big hit with their song “A Better Day.” Even then, I was young and naïve, and of course, even though I did support Kangta and Heejun, I was really biased and sided with JTL because I was really hurt of why the two members didn’t leave SM. On this note, I am not trying to say that you guys are young and naïve, but it’s easy to say that it’s competition because of the separation. When separation happens, we can’t help but have these ideas of competition and feud between the members (especially when CNU took it really hard). If Jinyoung release songs at the same time as B1A4 in the future, yes, in the world of the industry, they are competing, but I don’t think it is his or Link8’s intentions.

Also, many BANAs were upset of why Jinyoung decided to post a photo of him and Beullie on the day of CNU leaving. I think Jinyoung just wanted to simply update about his day, not to take away the attention from CNU. CNU already has his attention when he was trending the entire day (and I was so happy for him ;;_;;). What Jinyoung posted online will never take away the attention from CNU or any other B1A4 members. He is just living his life day to day and trying to update his fans who are still following him on his activities. Jinyoung is petty, but I don’t think he’s that wicked and capable to do that. It seems easy to believe that Jinyoung will take away that spotlight from CNU and B1A4 because he went on his own. I think Jinyoung still has respect for CNU regardless of the status of what has been going on. About Jinyoung not showing up to see CNU leave, like most BANAs and I assumed, why would Jinyoung bother to show up if there is a disconnection? It’s not easy to come and see him off because Jinyoung probably is sorry to create such pain and sadness among the members and to BANAs. Jinyoung might feels that it’s not his place to come nor he doesn’t have the face to come back after leaving WM. He is probably ashamed and truly feels responsible for everything. There is a lot of weight and pressure on Jinyoung’s shoulder that we all do not know of. What if CNU doesn’t want to see Jinyoung? What if Jinyoung is embarrassed to show up in front of A3? What if they know it’s not going to be the same anymore? These thoughts, assumptions, and questions we all have is between them.

Conclusion

I am not supporting everything Jinyoung does nor I am against him because I am a little disappointed when Jinyoung keeps saying that he doesn’t believe the 7 years jinx and say that B1A4 will continue. That��yes—I’m a little upset because it gives BANAs false hope, but again (I am playing devil’s advocate with myself), what can Jinyoung or the rest of the members say to make everything sound ok when they know it’s not. They don’t want to upset BANAs. Regardless if it’s a “we’ll continue” knowing that B1A4 is coming to an end or release an article by the time of their contract ending that Bayoung’s leaving WM, at the end, someone will get hurt. All of us are hurt. A3, Bayoung, and BANAs. B1A4 separating and going their own ways hit all of us at a different angle.

Is Jinyoung selfish? Yes and no. It’s an obvious “yes” if you’re thinking of him going on his own, opening a new company, and “giving up” on B1A4, but it is a “no” as well. Why? Eventually, when you are pursing or in the process of pursuing a dream (not just a wish of “wanting to go for your dreams” but to really do it with your entire soul), there will be a time when you really want to strive for your dreams. There will be precious things—like the people we love, our time and commitment—we have to sacrifice, and the most precious thing Jinyoung gave up was B1A4. Making this decision probably wasn’t easy for him. I am sure there were many things going on his mind. Just because Jinyoung doesn’t show his emotions, we think he is happy being his own boss and doing what he wants. But he’s probably dying inside, crying by himself, and constantly beating himself up. Opening a whole new company isn’t easy. Thinking about all your fans, will they still be there to cheer you on even after the decisions you made? Did he made the right decision? All the efforts he is trying to self-promote and work his way to be where he’s at or go even higher is something he has to do in order to succeed. These are probably in Jinyoung’ s mind every day. He has always been a person who is strong, never showed his weakness and emotions, and always stayed positive. Jinyoung being confident and promoting Link8 is just a persona he wants us to see. Jinyoung is really in pain, much like the other members and BANAs. Again, we do not know what’s going on with them in person. To be honest, without Jinyoung writing all these songs for B1A4, they wouldn’t be where they’re at. Same goes for Jinyoung, without the help of the members, Jinyoung wouldn’t grow into the artist he is now.

It’s ok to be angry and hurt by Jinyoung and his actions. If you need to unfollow him or not see him for a while, do it if it makes you feel better. If you need to hate him for just a bit, feel it but don’t act on it. Do what you can to help heal yourself. I am not here to advocate on hating Jinyoung or make you guys feel empathetic for him, but I am here to tell you that feeling what you feel is ok—but under one condition—do not send hate to him and wish him nothing but misery. Do not go to his SNS or official page and starts bashing and blaming him for all the troubles A3 went through. That is unacceptable. If you truly love Jinyoung and B1A4, at least wish him happiness regardless all the pain that had happened. Also, come to us—to other BANAs—and rant and pour your entire soul out. It’s better to share your emotions among us, but do not use your emotions as something to attack Jinyoung. If you choose to support him, stick with it. If you don’t know what to feel, let your emotions marinate in your mind and follow your heart. Again, most of us are hurt and don’t know what we’re feeling, and our emotions will change as time goes on.

To those who actually read this whole thing, thank you for reading my rant. I have so many things going on, and my ideas are all over which doesn’t make any logical sense. If you want to discuss anything, please send me an ask (and if you want it answered in private, please let me know). If you choose to not support Jinyoung, don’t.

At the end, am I wrong to not have ill-feelings towards Jinyoung?