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hrdenha · 2 years

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— goodnight, doll

synopsis: you want to show your stepbrother the tight skirt you just bought. the problem? he can clearly see your pussy.

you want him to teach you and he would gladly do you... err, i mean... so.

pairings: stepbrother!lee heeseung x innocent!reader

warnings: MINORS DO NOT INTERACT. heeseung's duality, couch s*x, implied use of d*ldo, use of pet names, innocent but not so innocent reader, pseudo inc*st, heeseung's big d*ck, pen*tration, br*eding, c*ck warming, oral s*x (m receiving), lowkey praise k*nk

AUTHOR'S NOTE — !

another hee smut, lol. but actually I just dropped by to say that I'll be moving here again. things happened and i was locked out from lvenha, i tried changing the password but it won't work if i also forgot the password of the email I used for that blog and so here we go again.

if you ever want to interact with me like sending nsfw links 😌 just drop some ask on my way. i can't reply on your comments since this is just a side blog. lastly, hope you enjoy this. please let me know in your comments or reblogs what you think.

The night was young, both of your parents were out for some business trip and so heeseung take advantage of the gift of solitude to just relax while watching his favorite program in the living room.

The show was going great when he heard you calling for him from upstairs. "In the living room!" He answered looking at the direction of the stairs. Heeseung heard the soft thump of your feet and returned his gaze on the tv.

"What do you think?" You ask, presenting heeseung your newly purchased set of skirt in front him. You were slowly turning your figure around waiting for his answer when your phone slips from your fingers causing you to bend in front of him.

Heeseung gulf when he sees the outline of your pussy from your cotton shorts displayed to him. "I-it looks g-good" he trailed off. It was true that it looks good on you. You look so beautiful but heeseung doesn't want other people to see you on that skirt, not now that you practically flash him your pussy unintentionally.

"Really?" You ask happily standing straight before turning around to face him. Heeseung saw your eyes look down on him. "What's that?"

He traced your line of sight, breathing a curse. Heeseung immediately grab a pillow beside him in an attempt to hide his boner. "N-nothing, you saw nothing. The room was dark so you're just seeing things, maybe it was a worm." right now, he was intrinsically speaking nonsense. He just wanted to get swallowed by the floor right then and now.

You eyed him, glee was written on your orbs before sitting beside him. "Is that your dick, hee?"

"Yeah. Sorry."

"Can I see it?"

Heeseung paused looking straight at you. He wanted to find something... anything for him to stop thinking that you like this.

"You want to see my dick?" You nodded scooting closer to him. "Are you sure?"

"Yes." And that's enough for him to erased the unsettling feels boiling inside him. It was as if the shame that was creeping through his bones awhile ago vanished without a trace. Heeseung remove the cushion on his lap, still looking straight at you, taking in all your expression as you look on his boner.

"Can... I touch it?"

"Go on." He encourage, nodding his head as he replied to you. When heeseung felt your hands gripping his dick from his jersey short, he hissed. He fucking hissed as if he has the most sensitive dick the world has ever seen.

You gasped retracting your hand in surprise, "Sorry... did I hurt you?" Heeseung shook his head taking your hands in his once again to put it in top of his clothed boner.

"You didn't, it just felt good. You can do what you want, y/n" Your eyes was wordlessly asking him if you really can't do that and heeseung just nodded.

Your hands pulled his shorts down finally breaking free the monster from its binding. It slap on his stomach before finally standing. Heeseung saw how your mouth agape when you saw his true length. It was standing with pride, head was red as precum ooze down.

"You're so big... and pretty" Both you and heeseung saw how his dick twitch from what you said absentmindedly. Fuck, you have such a strong effect on him that you can make his dick twitch in nothing with just your words.

"Can you... teach me how? I wanted to suck it" Heeseung hummed, "Do you see anyone sucking a dick?" You shook but then nod, "What's that supposed to mean?"

"I mean... I didn't see it, I just see it on porn when I got curious" Heeseung scoff in pure amusement as you played with your hand seemingly embarrassed from the fact that you watched explicit video.

"Then show me what you've learned" You looked up to him smiling before you nod at him.

"But I'm not good" You said kneeling in front of his dick.

"Let me be the judge for that" Heeseung make himself comfortable sitting in the sofa. He was practically laying, his back firmly glued agaisnt the backrest. His hands further pulled his shorts down his legs as he man spread in front of you.

And so, your hand grip his dick again, thumb caressing the head to spread the precum before experimentally moving your hands in an up and down motion.

"Shit" Heeseung cursed when your hand pick up the pace. "Y-yeah, just like that"

You gaze up to him, heeseung's eyes were close and mouth was open from the pleasure. He was long gone. You can practically felt his hips raising close to your hands as you jerk him off. And with that, you wanted more. You want your name to be the only thing stamped on his mind like a broken and tampered record.

Your hands were starting to get sore causing you to use your mouth out of desperate plea to make him cum and proud. "Fuck... y/n." Heeseung moaned when he felt the inside of your cheeks then down to your throat while your hand still accommodate the rest of his cock before travelling south to fumble with his balls. You saw his length but it was totally different when you finally have it on your mouth. Heeseung felt the sense of pride when you can't help but to gag though you shake it off while you continue to suck him off like s lollipop.

"You're doing good, doll. Use more tongue" The sudden change of pet name was enough to make you moan in his dick. You can feel your pussy throbbing with heat, tears forming in your eyes as you try to look up to heeseung's fucked out face.

"Fuck, I'm gonna come!" Heeseung declared guiding your head ruthlessly feeling the tightness of your throat on his tip. The series of cursed was heard, 'fuck fuck fuck' and the next thing you knew, heeseung was once again pushing your head to take his whole length all in while feeling the shot of hot liquid running down to your throat.

He held your head for a few minutes before his hands fall limp beside him, heavy breaths was heard across the room drowning the sound that comes from the long forgotten series that was playing in the TV. That's when you took the chance to suck him in your hearts content. Cleaning and milking him in your own desire before releasing it with a pop causing his soft dick to hobble down.

You stand up taking off your cotton shorts in a one swift move before straddling heeseung who's mind still flying somewhere. One thing is for sure though, his mind woke up when he felt your bare, wet pussy on top of his softened dick.

You wordlessly kissed heeseung making him groan at the taste of his own cum from your mouth. "How's that?" You ask him arms connecting on his neck as you grind your pussy on his dick.

"Are you sure this is the first time you did it? You suck like a pro, doll"

"I learned it for you..."

"Really?" You hummed leaving open mouth kisses on his neck that made him moan. "I want to fuck you so much... like right now" Heeseung breathes, hands grabbing your hips that still grind on him.

"Then fuck me..."

"Are you sure you wanted this? That you're not going to regret this?"

You chuckled before pouting, "Hee, are you seriously asking me that when I just finished sucking your dick off? And besides..." A moan escapes from your lips when you felt heeseung kissing your neck, brushing his lips on the hot skin whilst your white cardigan hang lazily on your arms "I always wanted to fuck you"

Heeseung met your gaze. Oh, you're so innocent yet so wild. Just focusing on things you want to get and experience not thinking about the consequences at all.

"You're so fucking good to be true, doll"

Heeseung's hand pulled your white tube doww, gasping at the sight of your bare chest. He felt you shiver on top of him much in his amusement. You look so small, so delicate, so pure. Heeseung felt his cock hardened at the thought, it was pulsing more so that he felt your slick, wet arousal coating his dick.

He didn't waste his chance and immediately suck your nipple with his mouth, left hand playing the other one while his right stay on your hips.

You hummed throwing your head back, pushing your chest closer on his mouth as you moaned heeseung's name. His hands guide your hips again making you grind and further coat his dick with your wetness.

"I can't take it anymore... please, just fuck me"

"You need to take what I give, doll. And I still need to prepare you, what if I hurt you?"

"Y-you won't, I can take it... just please. It's been awhile since I'm using dildo. I can take it, hee. I might be a virgin but I can take it" Your voice was strained, eyes close as he felt your arousal flowing out every trust you do.

Heeseung can't help but to kiss you, pushing you closer to him as if he wanted to devour the whole you. "Do what you want, doll..." He whispered when he pulled from the kiss.

You sat up, taking his dick in your hands before rubbing the head in between your folds. "Ugh...h-hee" The action produced lewd sounds that became a music-like on both of your ears.

You huffed, slowly sinking his dick inside you, the same time his fingers burn on your hips. Curses become inescapable from pouring out of heeseung's mouth as he felt your tightness engulfing his dick.

It never felt this good doing it. It felt so good and bad at the same time but the pleasure both of you felt just intensifies the overall feeling.

Heeseung groaned when his tip finally met your deepest part. "Fuck, doll. You okay? Does it hurts?" He breathes glancing at you to find any discomfort, his hands brushing your hair out of your face.

"I'm okay... but- but I need your help now, hee. I can't feel my legs" Both of you chuckled, heeseung kissing your forehead. You're not in pain, the stretch was a heavy and uncomfortable but so good, att the same time, fulfilling. A very distinct description for the fact that heeseung DID fill you up to the brim.

Heeseung is so big, so thick. Taking him in your mouth awhile ago was different from feeling him inside you. You were getting crazier and crazier.

Heeseung gently push you down on the sofa, ensuring that you're comfortable as you did whilst keeping your body close together, his dick still inside you.

"You good, doll?"

"Yes." You sighed, "Please move now, hee"

Heeseung answered with a kiss on your lips, retracting his hips and then slowly fucking into you, making you moan his name. His grip on your breast tightened as he did, as if it's the only thing that keeping him to go insane. You were so entoxicating.

"Mmphf- you're so tight doll." This is it. Heeseung's greatest dirty pleasure, the very same dream he dreamed of every night finally coming true.

You hips starts to buckle meeting his hips halfway as you moan beneath him. "F-faster, heeseung. Ah!" His abdomen tightened, the thin rope binding him to not just ravish you was finally cut apart as he fasten his pace.

"Look at me, doll" Heeseung demand kissing your lids then intertwine both of your hands to coo you. And believe me, you tried. But the pleasure was so intense you can't even open your eyes without tears forming on your lids. The sex was that good.

Heeseung's trust are still consistent, didn't falter even just for a second. You whimpered when he hit your spot once again, moans continuously gets louder and louder in every thrust. This time you finally tried to look at heeseung. He was groaning, a very vocal man when it comes to sex made your pussy clench him.

When you opened your eyes, you felt tears staining your cheeks. "It felt so good, hee. Please, don't stop."

"Shit, doll! You're clenching me"

"Heeseung! I-i'm gonna-"

Heeseung loudly groaned, skin to skin slapping became more prominent when he gets what you wanted to say. "Cum inside, heeseung! Fuck your cum inside me"

A hot liquid shot inside you and seep to run on from your throbbing cunt down your thighs. It made you feel full and contented as you hug heeseung's body who fall on top of you, heavy breaths on sync while doing cockwarming.

"Stay, it feel so good with you still inside me" You whispered kissing him, "No need to tell me twice. Goodnight, doll." He replied making a short thrusts inside you finally taken on the arms of sleepiness.

Someday he will completely make you his.

#enhypen #enhypen smut #lee heeseung #park sunghoon #park jeongseong #sim jaeyun #enhypen ff #enhypen x reader #enhypen au

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prismatoxic · 1 month

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communities can now be set as free-to-join--which means my chilaios community is now open to the public!

here is the basic information on how communities work. the feature is in beta and is still being tweaked constantly. a few notes:

you can reblog posts INTO a community, but not out of it. this is by design; according to the staff working on it, they want the feature to provide a service that doesn't already exist on tumblr. being able to freely reblog things to non-members would defeat the purpose.

there is no like button, however, there are emoji reacts! only default ones at present (maybe forever?) but it's a neat way to engage with posts. (you can also reply--the new "nested replies" thing debuted in communities.)

you can't currently mute community notifications. if people start actually using this space and it annoys you, feel free to leave until that feature is added. (they are on their own icon, it doesn't get added to your general activity feed even on mobile.)

mobile in general is finicky, and you can't reblog posts into a community on it. to do so on desktop, when reblogging a post, up where you can choose which blog to send it to there's now an option to send it to a community you're in instead.

i've been in the admin and feedback communities for months now; let me know if you have any questions and i'll try to answer them or find the answers for you. feel free to join this community and have fun!

#tox.txt #chilaios #laichil #you have to agree to the rules to join which is why i didn't just also post them here

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mazeinthemiroh · 2 years

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ah omg pretty princess anon here 😞😞 so sorry i forgot to specify :(( ateez please ^_^ thank you love <3

ateez when their s/o asks them who they think the prettiest princess/prince is

genre: scenarios; fluff, crack

word count: 0.8k

warnings: idk most of them are a mixture of crack and fluff but MINGIS ONE IS SO FLUFFY, GOT ME IN MY FEELS AND EVERYTHING anyways enjoy ig

pls like and reblog if your enjoy! feel free to request anything <3

hongjoong

"joongie, who's the prettiest princess/prince in all the world?"

you asked this as cutely as you possibly could. however, you did have a terrible cold and had been sick with it for a couple of days now. your boyfriend was taking care of you for all this time and you felt especially clingy today.

hongjoong tried his best not to grimace as he passed you a box of tissues. "i couldn't possibly answer that now, my love."

"joongieeeeee" you whined before blowing your nose loudly, making him shuffle away slightly.

"i still love you though," he smiled and patted you on the head, to which you rolled your eyes.

seonghwa

"you're my prettiest princess/prince, of course."

seonghwa pressed a warm kiss on your forehead. he had you wrapped up in his arms and both of your bodies were messily on the couch of his dorm room.

"really?"

"yeah."

you could he hongjoong go 'eww' in the background, making you chuckle slightly. seonghwa peppered you with more kisses after hearing hongjoong's little remark, becoming more and more dramatic with each withdrawal of his mouth. you couldn't help but giggle at his actions.

yunho

"mingi"

"wdym mingi??"

this was literally a text conversation between you and your boyfriend, yunho. you asked him who the prettiest princess/prince was and awaited a very easily accessible compliment, only for yunho to reply with someone else.

you scrunched your face up, confused as you awaited his response.

"the other members agree too 😩"

you rolled your eyes at his response. well, there you have it. mingi is the prettiest princess and you just had to accept it.

yeosang

"you're so pretty," yeosang whispered under his breath as he watched you instead of the tv. undoubtedly, you were much more interesting to him.

"am i the prettiest princess/prince ever?" you fluttered your eyelashes at him and did your best pretty pose.

yeosang drew back in fake horror and whacked you with a pillow, "never do that again."

you, in turn, hit him back with your pillow.

"you're just jealous because you know i'm the prettiest!

san

catch sannie in a soppy and romantic mood, and you don't even need to ask him this question. he's already calling you these types of names, and more.

"you're my precious princess/prince. my prettiest person. my angel, the love of my life, my soulmate, my everything-"

how many beers had he drunk tonight? oh wait, no. he's completely sober."okay san, i get it," you cut him off, amused by your boyfriend's new mood.

"you didn't let me finish!" san gasped, pretending to be appalled. "you're my honeybunch, sugarplum. pumpy-umpy-umpkin. you're my sweetie pie~

"cut it out," you giggled as he sang even louder for you on purpose. you couldn't help but find it endearing.

mingi

"yes, you are."

mingi would reply to your question immediately and without any thought.

both of you say on your shared bed together, sheet face masks in your face and jade rollers at the ready. it was your skincare session, where both of you got to fully relax together and enjoy each other's company.

mingi looked at you dreamily and, god- you'd never thought you would get a man to look at you the way he did.

you pressed a long, slow kiss against his lips, masks still on. there was nowhere you'd rather be.

wooyoung

wooyoung obviously said he was the prettiest princess in all the land. which was actually really hard to argue with.

"i'm prettier than you," wooyoung said in the most childish voice possible before doing the most horrendous aegyo you'd ever seen.

"that was disgusting," you laughed at him hysterically and he shoved you a bit.

"you're not a princess, woo," you retorted when you saw him sulking, "you're boo from monsters inc!"

his eyes lit up at this comment, "oh my gosh you're right! hold on lemme get some hair ties-"

i think you won that argument.

jongho

"yes, you're the prettiest princess/prince," jongho replied to your question with a dull voice, not even looking up from his phone as he said this.

you crossed your arms over your chest and pouted slightly.

"you could be more enthusiastic about it, you know."

jongho shrugged at this and finally looked up. he liked doing this; teasing you was just too easy. "you already know you're pretty," he mused, looking back down.

"yeah, but it's nice to hear it from you once in a while," you pointed out, sinking into the couch next to him. jongho chuckled at your behaviour and reached out to hold your hand.

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wordbunch · 1 year

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hopeless (Pippin x f!reader) pt. 2

PART ONE HERE

a/n: MY PRECIOUS FLOWERS the fix-it fic is here!!! i'm sorry i made you sad with the first part, but i'm grateful for ALL the love it got, seriously! i hope you enjoy this fluffy piece and that it heals the heartbreak i've caused... please be so kind to reblog, and definitely let me know your thoughts abt it!!!

fsr these lyrics were on my mind as i wrote: yeah i showed up at your party / will you have me? will you love me? / will you kiss me on the porch in front of all your stupid friends? / if you kiss me will it be just like i dreamed it? / will it patch your broken wings? / i’m only 17, i don’t know anything / but i know i miss you

The world was blurry, but felt a touch more kind when [y/n] gradually started coming to her senses, happy to feel a pillow under her head instead of dirt and pebbles. However, she was only slightly scared to fully open her eyes, not knowing what she would be met with after everything that happened… how many days ago? Hours? She could not tell. Her surroundings were quiet, but not eerily quiet, grayish sunlight seeping through a singular window and- someone’s hand enclosed around her own.

Despite the pain and tiredness, her curiosity got the best of her and she finally dared to open her eyes and learn where she was - and apparently who she was with. A small makeshift bed under a window was where she found herself, and Pippin was slumped half on it, half on the floor, one hand folded under his head and another one holding her own. He was facing the direction opposite of her, so he didn’t see when she opened her eyes, but as soon as her free hand went to her side to check for bandages, his head shot up, and he looked simultaneously very awake and very tired.

For a few moments they just stood blinking at each other in confusion, but as soon as he moved slightly in order to inch closer to her, she anxiously gripped his hand.

“Please don’t leave me,” she pleaded with a desperate crack in her voice. Regardless, it was his favorite voice that he had ever heard. He squeezed her hand in return, settling closer so that they were eye to eye with each other.

“Am I dreaming?” Pippin wondered aloud, as he looked her up and down, and then to their joined hands. [y/n] felt her heart swelling.

“I think not,” she replied, touching the tip of his nose with her finger, “or we both are dreaming. what concoction did you heal me with?” she joked, and he still looked as if he was in a daze. Was she actually awake and talking to him and not removing her hand from his?

After a few seconds of stunned silence, he answered her. “Aragorn was the one who healed you,” he fiddled with her fingers, “I was just- just there. But I can leave you be, now, if you want.”

“I most certainly don’t,” [y/n] replied, figuring it was finally the time to gather her courage and her feelings and make something out of them, and not wait for another brush with death. “I never want you to go, and I never did, I-I just didn’t know how to say it without risking ruining one of the most precious friendships in my life,” she confessed. “I’m afraid I don’t know how to say anything more beautiful than all those things you told me the other day.” she looked up sheepishly at a very wide-eyed Pippin, whose cheeks were starting to heat up rapidly.

“Y-you remember what I said?” he inquired hesitantly, not sure what kind of answer to prepare for. Sure, he was always an optimist, but did he really think [y/n] would be in love with him? Partially he braced himself for a kind rejection, but the stubborn part of him already went ahead with planning how to perfectly kiss a perfect person. Either way, he couldn’t bring himself to meet her gaze.

“I remember everything you say,” she smiled, resting a hand on his cheek and snapping him out of his spiraling thoughts. “Well, most of it anyway, you can talk a lot,” she chuckled, and he responded with a short, nervous laughter. It was strange to see him, of all people, being tense. “But yes, I remember,” she paused, looking down for a split second before meeting his eyes, “I love you… and you still need to show me the Shire,” she grinned at him, very amused by the absolute shock that was evident on his features.

“B-but you can go to Rivendell afterwards, or-” Pippin stuttered, as he mentally cursed himself for not being more prepared for that conversation - he’d had quite some time while [y/n] was in a deep sleep - but he always got carried away with his daydreams of living happily ever after by her side. He didn’t consider that any of that might be a real possibility, and for goodness' sake, why was his brain now actively trying to make him reject her first, so that he didn’t have to get heartbroken?

“I have been to Gondor, I have been to Rivendell, Lórien, all those magical places,” she spoke with a dreamy, faraway look on her face, and he began to think that was the moment in which she would turn him down once and for all. Surely she didn’t romantically love him and she was just being cordial, as per usual. “And they are truly beautiful. But I was never happy in any of them as much as I am with you. Even here, on this terribly uncomfortable bed, even back there after the battle, when I thought I’d never get the chance to tell you that I am in love with you. I have been ever since that one night when we stayed up talking until sunrise and Gandalf looked as though he would end us both.”

At an absolute loss for words, with his face on fire and a racing heartbeat, there was only one thing left for Pippin to do - lean in close enough to press his lips to [y/n]’s, who responded instantly, one hand winding up in his hair. He had no idea what to say to all the heartfelt words she had just spilled, and even less how to properly kiss, which didn’t mean he wasn’t going to give it his all. He thought his heart was going to give out when he felt [y/n] smiling into the kiss, and he pulled away just enough to lean his forehead against hers.

“I must be the first person ever to leave you speechless,” she joked quietly, brushing her nose against his. “Quite an achievement.”

“I think you said more beautiful things than I did,” he confessed sheepishly.

“Oh, shut up,” she playfully smacked him on the shoulder, making him laugh, finally relaxed. The way she was looking up at him made him weak in the knees.

“Do you want me to speak or do you want me to shut up, then?” he teased back, fighting an urge to crush her in the tightest of hugs but too scared of hurting her already injured side.

“First, I want you to kiss me again,” she replied, pulling him closer once again, “and then I want you to tell me about all those things you promised to show me when I go to the Shire with you.”

taglist my beloved

@starlady66 @queenmeriadoc @entishramblings @sweetpea-thoughts @thesolarangel @silversword7000 @friendofthefellowshipsnerdblog @averys-place @valkyriepirate @emmaarenstarr @noldorinpainter @asianbutnotjapanese @adamgetawaydriver @fenharel-enaste @ironmandeficiency @starryeyedrogue @dinofromspac3 @wisheduponastar @lady-of-imladris @frodo-cinnamonroll @unethicallypleistocene @deadlymistletoe @suncran @high-sea-husbands @asianbutnoteastasian @aidansloth

#hopeless pt 2 #lotr fanfic #lotr x reader #from my pocketses #lord of the rings fanfiction #lord of the rings x reader #pippin took x reader #pippin x reader #lotr #lord of the rings #lotr fanfiction #lotr imagine #lord of the rings imagine #pippin took

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lurkingteapot · 9 months

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2023 post round-up/summary

Lovely @twig-tea tagged me here, so I'll try my hand.

I'd abandoned tumblr for about 4? 5? years 2016ish through 2020, had a short stint with it again in 2020, took peeks and vehemently disagreed with much of what I saw in 2021-2022, and grudgingly settled back in in 2023. I wasn't going to interact. I wasn't.

Jan-April: *crickets* I was being strong!

Then, I saw people moaning about how they'd learn Thai if only it was on Duolingo, and you know how spite can be funnelled into positivity? I did that! Result:

May

Popular: Free Thai Language Learning Resources, most popular by a landslide. This pleases me greatly, as I put a lot of work into it and always hope more people start picking up this language.

Favourite: maybe my thoughts on Ming, piggybacking off @kenmakaashi's post?

June

Popular: my musings on translation and how it relates to fannish reception of media, which was my most popular post of the year and 'broke containment', if only in a very small way. Some of the additions in the tags and reblogs are fantastic, do go have a look if you like!

Favourite: toss-up between my attempt at showing a parallel between a silly moment in Our Skyy 2 x BBS and a scrapped shot from BBS proper and this rant about Romanisations of Thai and why G**gle translate is the devil (that bit is in the conversation downthread), which let me meet @plantsarepeopletoo.

July

Popular: Summary of James Welker's 2006 essay "Beautiful, Borrowed, and Bent: “Boys’ Love” as Girls’ Love in Shōjo Manga"

Favourite: the offerings are slim here … let's go with the one in which I once more was salty about the way folks talk about BL

August

Popular: Only Friends' Ray isn't just The Drunkard, but also The One Who's basically Given Up On Himself, as per his title card (this one was so popular it got stolen and reposted – without credit or permission – to twitter 🙃)

Favourite: Thinking about Drama, the Romance genre, and tropes, and how those relate to our perception of BL (good additions from various folks in the notes; conversation with @visualtaehyun in reblogs and @twig-tea in the replies).

September

Popular: IFYLITA Ep 6 poem context notes

Favourite: toss-up between complaining about badly machine translated content in Love in Translation and musing on the name of Khun Yai's favourite bar

October

Popular: my long-winded answer to @zimmbzon's ask "Hi, how would a non-binary person (me) get around the binary gender rules and vocab in Thai?"

Favourite: uhhh … maybe my musings on honorific translations in kimi ni wa todokanai? (yes, technically a reblog from sideblog, shh)

November

Popular: most popular was this throwaway therapy vent containing food for thought and while I guess this meme is mostly fannish I'm linking it anyway because it's my blog and I'll cry if I want to (or something)

Favourite: when I called out the resemblance between the Last Twilight trailer and Intouchables (2011). Literally no one cared, but then @my-rose-tinted-glasses independently came in strong with receipts as soon as the actual first episode aired and made me feel validated af.

December

Popular: Why I'm pretty sure Last Twilight's "fried rice/false rice" joke was funnier in Thai

Favourite: the saga of the songs in Ep 4 of Last Twilight

I didn't do any round-up posts, but I'll include the other category @twig-tea added:

Five other posts that I want to highlight because I can:

BL Favourites Tag Game (July 2023)

Link to fujoshi.info with information on WHY you should check out that site if you're interested in having an informed opinion on BL and the genre's history.

contemporary issues in Thailand as mentioned in Only Friends ep 1

Thoughts on code-switching in Step by Step

Reply to @mynameisnotthepoint's comment-via-ask on my anti viki rant

I'm not going to tag anyone because I'm completely lost – I was mostly off tumblr for nearly three weeks; if you made a post like this you'd like me to see, please link me/tag me! <3

#2023 roundup #link dump #self promo (of sorts)#my nonsense

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samanthamarkle92 · 4 months

Text

Soap’s Girl

Hey everyone! Sorry this took so long! Much love to the fellow writers! Shout out to: @nsharks @shadow0-1 @deadbranch @salbei-141 @thiswomanhasissues @loonyundead @codfanzine @mocha @cravingcoldoreocake123 @ilovehotchocolate @sofasoap @loneghostwolf @mistyresolve @islenthatur @bittersw33t-lotus @m0chac0ffee @fictional-men-have-my-heart @ghostslillady @ghosts-bandwagon @soapxmactavish @mactavishwritings @sleepyconfusedpotato @gamergirlbonestaskforce141riot @halcyone-of-the-sea @rileyslibrary @ghostkinnie @mctvsh @macravishedbymactavish @mistydeyes @cowyolks @maxinequigleyart @ave661 @clownfishenthusiast @lunarw0rks @summermoonshine @lundenloves @glossysoap @cheezbites @xintothewoodswegox @sighmurderbot @wolfieisacat @1-ker0sene-1 @oniiloma @castleninja @ghostslittlegf @fastleopard1521

Feel free to reblog and tag others!

Chapter 6

“We need to talk about last night, Katie,” Johnny spoke up during breakfast the following morning.

Katie froze for a second.

“It's alright….I appreciated it! You looked after me!” Katie tried to assure him.

“Alright…..look, I care about you a lot. If you ever wanna talk to someone, I'd be happy to listen. I'll do whatever I can to help you..”

“Thank you,” Katie smiled softly. “I'll think about it….maybe. Thank you so much, Johnny.”

“Of course. It's okay,

really. You're important to me.” he replied with a slight blush coloring his cheeks.

Katie felt warm inside, smiling widely, before finishing her breakfast.

After they finished eating, Kat packed up their dishes and threw them away in the dishwasher. She heard her phone ring and answered it. She put it on speaker when she saw it was from the police.

“Katie, I'm sorry for disturbing you. We just wanted to know if you're able to come by the station later today. We have some information for you to follow up on and would like to give it to you straight away.” one of them explained. Katie nodded, agreeing to come.

“Okay, let me get ready.”

“I’m coming with you, bonnie.” Johnny said, standing up and grabbing the keys off the hook. He then grabbed his jacket and walked towards the door, waiting patiently for her outside.

“You sure?” she asked, giving him a skeptical look.

“Absolutely.”

The two then left their apartment, locking up as they went. They made their way over to the police station, parking in the parking lot behind them.

“Do you think the chief has gotten any leads yet?” Soap asked, leaning back in his seat.

“Honestly, I hope it's good news; I want to sleep at night again. But, there’s always tomorrow.”

“No matter what, I'm still gonna be here for ya, sweetheart. Nothing is gonna keep me away. Ever. Even though I'm probably not going to get much sleep.” Soap joked.

She laughed lightly, watching a car pass them in the parking lot.

“Well,” she paused, looking out the window at the scenery. “I don't mind having you looking after me. At least until you get tired of me. That could take quite a while.” She admitted, looking over at him, flashing him a grin.

Soap grinned back at her. “You've already given me more trouble than anyone should have the right to. So, I think a little bit more will make no difference to me. Besides, someone has to make dinner.” He teased jokingly.

“Oh, hahaha…” she replied sarcastically. She couldn't believe how flirty she sounded, even to her own ears.”

The both walked into the precinct, walking down the hallway to the main office.

Johnny saw how nervous Katie was, and he

reached out and gently squeezed her hand, giving her an assuring smile. She gave him a grateful nod in return.

The officer behind the desk smiled politely, motioning for the pair to sit down. The pair followed suit, sitting across from each other. “How can we help you today?” she asked politely.

“Actually, ma'am, we're here to see Detective Troy.” Katie replied.

The officer looked up from her computer screen and cleared her throat, “He's expecting you. Just Wait here and he’ll be with you shortly.”

Soap sat quietly next to Katie in the lobby area, waiting patiently. Katie sat with her legs crossed under her, playing with the hem of her sleeve nervously. After a few minutes, there was a knock on the door.

“Come on in, Chief.”

Troy opened the door, peeking into the hall.

“Miss Jennings! Thank you for coming on such short notice! We have made several arrests and we would like for you to do a voice line up.”

Katie's eyes widened slightly at his words. Voice line up? What was that? She had seen the pictures of those who had been arrested for crimes in the papers a few weeks ago, but hearing about it from another cop was something different.

“Sure…” She agreed tentatively.

“Follow me. I know you must be nervous but I promise this is completely safe. The suspects can’t hear you or see you. Just listen carefully and let us know if they sound familiar. ”

“Okay…” Katie trailed along behind him. He led her down the corridor, turning into another set of doors. She listened to the voices of the suspects carefully, trying to determine the ones that she recognized.

"Is there anyone else?" Troy asked, turning to look at Katie. "I don't hear anybody else."

"I heard them! You have the right men! But they seem familiar! I swear they did this thing to me!" Katie shouted. She closed her eyes tightly, taking a deep breath to try to calm herself,

"Shhh....we understand," Troy said calmly, holding Katie's shoulders. She looked up at him, nodding in response.

“Is that all? Do I have to do anything else?”

“We’ll be in contact with you for taking more testimony and the case going forward. Thank you for your cooperation,” he said in a pleasant tone.

“Yeah...thanks for stopping them!” she blurted out anxiously,

waving goodbye. She quickly ran back towards the car, trying not to trip. She got in and immediately started crying, burying her face in Johnny's shoulder, trying to control her emotions.

“They caught them! At least I can sleep at night again! Oh my god….it’s really over!”

“Hang in there, Katie, you did it. You got them all. Now we can go home and sleep peacefully without worry! Everything is fine. It’s finally over.” he reassured her, stroking her hair lovingly.

She slowly composed herself.

“You want to celebrate? We can grab some dinner and head home,” he offered.

“Yeah….that sounds perfect!”

A couple hours passed and they were driving back home, talking about their day.

“That was amazing, honey. You handled yourself well.” He told her with a huge grin on his face. He turned to kiss her gently on the lips, which caused her to blush.

They went to sleep in the separate beds, wondering if this qualified as a date.

Both of them hoped so.

#wattpad #original character #romance #call of duty #call of duty fanfic #call of duty modern warfare #cod soap #johnny soap mactavish #soap x oc

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candyskiez · 11 months

Note

Feel free to chat about whatever fic you want :)

Reblog this if you want readers to come into your ask box and ask for the “director’s commentary” on a particular story, section of a story, or set of lines. Or, send in a ⭐star⭐ to have the author select a section they’ve been dying to talk about!

oooo okay let's go!!! I'm picking this section of my fic stubborn

"Raine was quiet for a moment, pensive.

"Alright, you're guilty. So what are you going to do about it?"

"What?"

"You treated him badly. You were wrong. So how are you going to make up for it?"

"It's not that simple, Songbird."

"Let me ask you this: do you care about him?"

"...Yes. Yes I do." He was fond of him, once he actually got to know him. Once he saw what the kid was like, really like, well…how could he not be? He was kind, and earnest, and passionate and a bit of a dork, albeit with a dark sense of humor. He was a good kid, a damn good one in fact. Those sewing lessons were some of the first Non-Eberwolf related good memories he'd made in…decades, really. "But that doesn't change how I treated him."

"You're right. It doesn't. So what do you want to do to fix it?"

Darius wanted to reply with something witty, like he always did. It was how he worked. Uncomfortable situation? Sass your way out of it. Works every time. Except for when he can't think of one.

"There are plenty of people far more qualified to help him than I am."

"So what are you gonna do when he comes back? Ignore his existence? Do you really think that'd help? How do you think that'll come across?"

"It doesn't matter , Raine. He's dead. There's no point speculating. He's gone."

"And what if he isn't? What are you going to say to him?"

He goes quiet. Raine sighs.

"Look, I get you're guilty. How you treated Hunter was wrong. But avoiding him isnt going to fix it. All you'll do is hurt him and make him think he did something wrong. You wanna make it up to him? Then apologize. If he doesn't want you in his life? Live with it. If he does? Then do better. And don't do it just for Jasper, or because you promised him. Do it because, at the very least, Hunter deserves an apology.""

a thing that always bugs me about a lot of stories about guilt is that it's often treated like the guilt matters more than the one who's hurts comfort. and also how much apologies are treated less as giving the one who was hurt and yourself closure, and more like "now you have to forgive me." which...isn't good. at all. sometimes, forgiving someone is good for you. other times, it isn't. whether or not reconciliation is the healthiest option solely depends on the one who's hurt comfort. if being around them makes them miserable, they shouldn't be expected to reconcile just because the person who hurt them is so so so so guilty. what I really wanted to focus on in this fic was yeah, darius is guilty. but is he going to be sorry, or is he going to be better. (the answer is the latter, dw he's being Responsible.) I didn't want this fic to feel like "ohhh no Darius made a mistake so it's all about HIM feel bad for HIM." it's about darius getting his shit together. and ultimately darius ignoring hunter or distancing from him on the assumption that he won't want him around would hurt the fuck out of him, because it'll only be perceived as rejection, as him hating him. leaving someone for their own good with no warning? that fucks a person up. bad. and is a fucking awful thing to put someone through. this scene is basically raine just saying it how it is. give hunter the choice. stop running from your guilt by pretending there's no chance he's still alive. admit that you're scared he's hurt, and let him make his own decisions. if he wants to avoid you, leave him alone. if he wants you in his life, do better. it is NOT your choice on if he forgives you. it's his. this is probably incoherent and badly worded but here hold this.

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thewhitefluffyhat · 2 years

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State of the Blog 01.01.23

Taking a quick break from queues for an announcement: Happy New Year, all!

For this state of the blog update, I’ve decided to show my hand a bit and list every one of the many projects I’ve been kicking around. Think of this as a kind of New Year’s Resolution, perhaps? I certainly won’t get to all of these, but I’m making it my goal in the coming year to at least finish a few!

(And yes, if one of these piques your interest, feel free to reply/message/reblog/etc. No guarantees, but it would certainly move it up in priority!)

Multichapter Fanfics

-If the Fifth Found Out: AU in which the Reverend Parents invite a Fifth adept over to exorcize Wake’s revenant. Abigail and Magnus then proceed to discover a war crime, report a war crime, and adopt a war crime in the aftermath. (Or they try to, anyway. It’s complicated, they only manage to get Gideon at first.)

-The Mysterious Curse of Castle Drearburh: Rumor has it that any suitor who seeks the Reverend Daughter’s hand in marriage is cursed to die soon after. Cam and Pal therefore put on their detective hats to investigate… by using negotiations for Camilla’s marriage to Harrowhark as cover! A Canon Divergence/Fake Arranged Marriage/Mystery AU, where determining the divergence event is part of the mystery. Also featuring: my aroace Cam headcanons, and eventual Griddlehark.

-Butterfly Daze: Seemingly typical Griddlehark Modern/College AU with a supernatural twist. But is Kiriona’s new roommate a vampire? A cryptid? A ghost? Or just a normal, if traumatized kid? Turns out the answer is none of the above… and John, the loving father who has always been part of Kiriona’s life, may know more than he’s letting on.

-Puella Magi Nonagesimus 💀 Magica: Crossover with the setting of magical girl series Madoka Magica, and a continuation of this snippet. TL;DR: magical girls as an excuse for a Time Travel AU. The story is split between the present day survivors in the wreckage of Canaan House, where Harrow and Gideon learn the ins and outs of being a magical girl while bodysharing, and Harrow’s wish-induced dreams of the past, where she and Gideon try to forge a better timeline.

Fanfic Oneshots, in order of more silly to more serious

-harrowhark nonagesimus does not like pizza: God orders pizza for the Lyctors on the Mithraeum. (Somehow.) This goes over exactly as well as you’d expect.

-Effervescent: In which Abigail is very confused as 200 dead Ninth children (led by a handful of shitty teens among them) attempt to crash Harrow’s River Bubble AU party.

-Growing Pains: Character study of ~13 year old Harrow, in which Gideon gets her first period and assumes (quite logically) that it must be another of Harrow’s attempts to kill her.

-All That Glitters: Harryanthe Arranged Marriage AU, where Harrow is running the riskiest puppet show of her life on the Third, Ianthe is initially pissed her dad is marrying her off to some weak-willed nun, and Yakety Sax is probably playing in the background as clueless narrator Coronabeth keeps dragging both of them off to various social events.

-Reverend Daughter for a Day: Back in their bodies and on the Ninth for [insert vague handwavy reasons], Harrow proposes that she and Gideon switch places. For one day, Harrow will be the servant and obey any orders Gideon gives her. No refusals, no limits. Naturally, everything that can go wrong, does go wrong.

Misc Projects

-Keep a Consistently Active Tumblr: For whatever reason, actually posting things as opposed to lurking is a major struggle for me, but let’s see how long I can keep this up! I’ve still got a few more analysis rambles on the backburner, and plenty of material for themed queues… the trick will be crossing that last step and actually putting them up.

-Gideon: The Last Bonebender: You know those “if TLT was written by a straight, cis dude, what would be changed?” satire posts? Imagine if instead, Gideon the Ninth was adapted for Hollywood by a straight, cis director. Just how bad could it be? Note: this is the closest project to being finished, but needs reworking to be less cynical and depressing. Oops...

-Gideon the Ninth for D&D 5e: A homebrew module that uses GtN as a jumping off point for a spooky dungeon and murder mystery adventure. Try your hand at the other Lyctor puzzles! Play out a full cavalier tournament between all the Houses! Attempt and probably fail to save Jeannemary and Isaac from their fate! …And yes, someone’s going to have to become a Lyctor at the end. Not happening while the owners of D&D are being jerks, that’s for sure.

-TLT Fanfic Rec Lists: At the moment, I’m up to August 2022 in my chronological journey through the AO3 TLT tag. And once I’ve caught up, I’ll have recs to share! Not sure if it would be better to do longer / broader topic lists, or lots of weird and hyper-specific themes like “Gideon Joins the Cohort AUs” or “Life on the Sixth” or “In Which Ianthe Is There.” Maybe a mix of both?

#the locked tomb #gideon the ninth #harrowhark nonagesimus #gideon nav #griddlehark #my tlt stuff #my ramblings #state of the blog #fanfic #having spectacularly failed to find the time for nanowrimo or yuletide #fingers crossed this will work out better #^^;

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pruning-the-minds-garden · 2 years

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A Question, or "Searching for Sensitive Solutions"

Okay so my question is going under a "Read More" because I need to explain around it a little but, and also because the question itself is... spicy... in the rhetorical, not sexual/kinky sense. Thoughts, input and advice regarding it are free to come in via replies, or via Asks (either anon or not). I've disabled reblogs. Anyway -

For context and psychological background, I'm an AMAB person who presents to 99% of the world as a man. Most of the world addresses me by male pronouns, treat me as they would a man (I get taken more seriously by doctors for no good GD reason, my ideas have more weight in general despite never asking for that, etc etc, you all know what the package looks like), and for most of my life that was never even a thing. I spent some time and energy questioning my gender, and thought the answer to the question was "no." But, it turns out I was asking the wrong question that whole time. I should have been asking "am I the man (i.e. the gender) I've been told I am?" instead of "am I a woman?" There's more than just the two options.

I've also got my share of psychological issues. I won't go into why, but there's a fair amount of rejection sensitivity (the most relevant Dx to this conversation), PTSD (of the traditional and "c" varieties), anxiety, depression, etc. Yes, I have meds. Yes, I was in counseling. No, I'm not in it right now for insurance reasons (insert "America is a healthcare dystopia" memes here). I place a high premium on not burdening others with my issues, but I mention them so you can understand things better. Anyway, on to the actual question.

One of the most frequent things that I see (and bearing in mind I understand sampling bias and selective memory here), in bios or pinned comments or whatever, is some form of "Men do not interact." Now, that's a perfectly valid boundary to assert. I also understand why people (mostly women) assert it. I get it and I'm not saying don't do it, or they shouldn't do it, or that I am in any way shaming or whatever anyone who does - no, none of that is the case. What I am seeking, is advice on how I can better frame and respond to that, so it doesn't make me feel shitty (or less shitty) and in this semi-rejected liminal space. So, how do I do that? Let me elaborate on the precise situation (see? There's a reason I put this under a Read More).

My thought process generally goes something like this: "Oh, men don't interact? Well I'm not a man I'm enby so-" "Yeah but if they saw a picture of you they'd disagree. Society sees you as a man. You were raised as a man. You dress as a man. Come on, be honest with yourself here." "I do those things because they were forced on me at such an early age that I don't know how to stop doing them. I've never actually wanted to do any of them and they don't make me feel good, they never have. There's a reason I identify as enby-" "You're way too masc for them and honestly you're being one of those men for even wanting to stay and disrespecting their clearly-asserted boundary." "They are probably an SA victim so how dare you prioritize wanting to have this particular person in your social media circle above their psychological well-being, because seeing you would likely be triggering for them so you need to leave." "Well but being told to get out sight unseen is triggering fo--" "THAT'S NOT THE SAME" "But I... okay."

And, well... yeah. I know that the rejection sensitivity is not rational. I realize it is an overreaction, caused by having to deal with a lifetime of rejection and undermining of my sense of self and self-worth, and that none of those things are the doing of that random person on social media. They are just clearly asserting a boundary, generally for their own mental health and well-being. Also, replies that tell me that the above thought process is wrong, are not helpful. First, I already know that. Second, I present the thought process not for your critical discoursal review, but because that's what the voices in my head say in the moment and sometimes that something isn't the prettiest, cleanest, most acceptable form of a given argument, and I want you to have an honest insight into that before moving on.

So, what I am looking for is a more sensitive mental model, a way to look at it or frame it or respond to it that both preserves their mental well-being and my mental well-being. The things that immediately jumped to mind are ways to avoid seeing it at all, and those essentially consist of blocking blogs that have that DNI in the bio because every interaction would be a replay of the above conversation. However, it occurs to me that regardless of any practical or social implications (which are significant), and regardless of my wanting to reach as wide an audience as possible with some of my content (the safety/consent stuff) and that working against that goal... it also has a psychological down side. That is basically me actively rejecting them pre-emptively. I know that they likely have no interest in my accepting them, especially, but it's more the personal implications of casually rejecting people that I take issue with. It's precisely that kind of attitude, one that casually says "nope, you're wrong for me" and permanently excises a person from your life after reading three lines of text about them, that really triggers my rejection sensitivity. So, I don't want to be performing those same triggering actions routinely unto others, even if they'd not have the same (or any) effect, because of the splash-back effect that it would have on me. I reserve blocking for fairly serious or egregious stuff.

Anyway, what's a person to do? I don't like seeing that time and time and time again and having that dialogue play out in my mind where I have to interrogate my own gender, and whether I'm "enby enough" to interact with a given person. I also don't like blocking people for no (good) reason. I'd like better options, but I'm at a loss for them right now.

Thoughts?

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cidthesquid · 7 months

Text

The origin of this account! Answering Questions+ Quick Update 03/26/24

Quick Update 03/26/24 + The origin of this account!

Hello all, It's been a while since my last post, so I figured I'd post a short update regarding new content.

In short I'll continue to update this blog when something of note happens in Style Savvy Trend setters, but it's still been pretty quiet/slow, and with FF7:Rebirth out soon, my progress will be slow. ---

Also, I'd like to take some time to respond to a few questions that were sent in. For some reason, I can't see my question inbox, so I'll just be making a short reply based on what showed up in the email preview.

Since, I'm not sure if this person is comfortable with me sharing their name, So we'll just call them 'sender', and I'll 'find and replace' it later if they're okay with me sharing it.

Anyways, 'sender' mentioned that they have a two-week wait before they can post comments. I did not know tumbler had a wait system like that. I'm still fairly new here.

From what I've seen 'like' and 'reblogs' are the most common forms of interactions, so comments are pretty rare, (Fairly different from other social media.)

I've actually been a bit hesitant to comment on others posts because of this. (don't want to rock the boat) But anyone is free to comment here, and I'm open to constructive criticism as well. So if you have an idea of how an outfit could look better (in the style I'm going for) feel free to let me know!

---

'Sender' Also mentioned various setups I could use to make playing ' MODEL Debut 3' easier. Holding up my phone to my pc screen was very uncomfortable, so their suggestion of using a phone tripod setup would have helped a lot, if I go back to the game, I'll give it a shot!

---

'Senders' Third message mentioned how they'd been enjoying reading through the content I'd been posting, including both the game commentary, and the sections that tied it into some of my related personal stories.

And that really meant a lot to me, I honestly considered just switching to 'Outfit of the day' style posts, as in a comment-lite platform like this, it was hard to see what from the content people enjoyed most.

This is why I started front-loading a lot of the outfit pics, After posting them, I'd add a line or two about what happened that day (in-game) as a quick summary, then I'd say "hmm, maybe I should explain a little more about thought process behind the outfit", followed by "ok, but wow, X was done way better (or worse) here compared to Fashion Forward", and next thing I knew hour and hour had passed, XD

As for the little personal stories and connections to my experiences with fashion, and why these games mean so much to me, that has its own story behind it, (buckle up!)

---- /!\ Caution: End of blog updates, Mostly unedited Ramblings beyond this point /!\

The short version is, a few years back I was looking for a way to try to practice being more social, and open about stuff. Normally people would just post online to do that, but I'd been using the same online name since high school, so most the people I knew IRL new it, and it was used on all my social media/online games.

And as it was prime covid time, everyone I knew irl was at home on social media, so any post on my normal social media would likely actively promoted to the people, who I did not really want to see it.

So I figured a 'fresh slate' would be the best way to practice being more social, without having to worry about what people thought about me!

It sounds kinda crazy now, but I ended up making a new discord twitter, reddit and steam account, tumbler was honestly just an afterthought, as I hardly ever used my main tumblr.

So I played some online game, joined some discord groups, and followed and messaged people on twitter…

…and after the first year, I was borderline right back where I was before. Still second guessing everything I post, leaving tons of replies in the drafts, and while I had 'mutuals', there were just other people I followed so I could get more of the content I already enjoyed, there was no real connection outside of a quick reply here or there.

I spent so much time thinking "oh I'm just not comfortable with these IRL people", that simply having a new 'pool' of people to interact with would fix all my social issues, and while I did feel a little more comfortable talking about a wider range of topics with these new people, I'd still feel held back in many of the same was as before.

Every action had to be fueled by multiple layers of second guessing.

"I like this art, I should tell them…well they probably already hear that all the time, it won't matter" "I Also like the thing they're talking about, but they're WAY more interested, so I can't really add much to the conversation" "I really like that outfit/artwork, but it is a tiny bit suggestive, so would that sound creepy coming from a guy?"

…and much more. Addintally, when I often have trouble wording things in a natural sounding way, I'd have to worry about not just 'what' I said but "how I said it" And with multiple questions behind each action, just like with my main account, I just stopped interacting.

And it really took a lot of positive exposure to situations for me to be able to see, sometimes the intent matters almost as much (or sometimes more) than wording.

I've already gone into details on the process here, and in my reddit post prior to posting on tumblr.

But in short, playing in the fantastic Final Fantasy XIV community, gave me a lot of great places to experience this.

You could get carried through a dungeon by a tank that only speaks in the 3rd person, or get great healing from a cat girl, who's every single message contains at least one cat-related pun.

How they presented that help, did not matter, it's the fact that they were willing to help. And you could also look however you wanted, Even if that meant you were protected by a 2.5' very angry munchkin of a tank, people would just roll with it.

Style Savvy was just as helpful, I may never understand modern fashion or trends, But if someone comes into my shop asking to look a specific way, I get to help them achieve their ideal image!

I got to explore a small section of the fashion world, without having to worry about "well, technically that's out of season" or "ooh, that was IN last year, but now it's OUT", or "Why am I dressing this person that way, what would they really want?"

I just got to have fun living in my own little fashion cubbyhole, a comfortable little cutout with only the parts I enjoy.

And Fashion Forward had such a big impact on me, I just really had to share it, so I made the above reddit post, I kept playing and kept enjoying the game, and started sharing my thoughts here as well, as it's much better for images than Reddit.

And just like with playing the games, over time I started sharing more of my thoughts, and eventually explaining "why" I felt specific ways about some parts, it felt fairly uncomfortable at first, but I remember just telling myself, "It's still topical, and if they've gotten this far, they kinda know what there getting into",

My main concern was not making anyone uncomfortable, or upset

but still trying to be open, and I think I've managed to strike a fair balance. As in general, I want this blog to be more about my adventure with fashion, rather than simply sharing screenshots, or just me venting. And even if a majority of people are here for the screenshots, it still means a lot that others are interested in my content!

---

Anyways you all for reading, hopefully this little look inside the creation of the channel was insightful! (I have to head start work, but I'll do a quick edit pass later) I still have a long ways to go when it comes to 'social improvements' , but I feel I've made a ton of progress in the last year or so. These games have helped far more than my 'dramatic social media change', and now I'm getting some external support to manage as well!

And while I won't yet be providing exact details of my situation, Questions and comments are always open!

#fashion game #lore #social anxiety #normal blog

0 notes

traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors · 2 years

Note

You didn’t put one of the latest asks in a read more like the person asked you to do :/

Hi anon,

I wasn't entirely sure how because I wasn't able to do the keep reading with the indented thing applied. I'm sure it's no biggie, but if you know how to do that, please feel free to let me know!

Edit:

hi, i'm the person who requested for the ask to be put into read more! now that it has been posted, i realize how long the ask is, so i feel like the average person would just skim through it. thanks for answering the ask! it really helps me feel validated. also, please don't publish this ask. the more that ask gets brought up, the more likely people are to get curious about it. i don't want to accidentally create streissand effect about my ask lol /nm

i actually also want to thank the other anon for standing up for my request to have it put under read more, but i do fear that sending another anon to say thank you to them will make other passersby of the blog get curious about my initial ask, and results in more people reading it than intended haha... i don't really mind more people reading it, but i do fear someone from the server accidentally stumbling upon that ask. it's unlikely, but i'm still a bit afraid lol. can you just screenshot this ask and edit it into the answer of the ask that anon sent? please do not reblog it with the image; just edit the initial post so it won't get bumped. if attaching image isn't possible, then you can just copy past this ask and attach it to that anon's ask ^^ i'd request for this to be put in the replies, but i assume this blog is a sideblog, and thus cannot send replies to asks?

to anon: again, thank you for defending my request! i'm honored you are concerned about my request not being met, but it's okay! i hope this ask won't get seen by any of the server members ^^

but also, if anyone gives you tutorial on how to put it under read more, then please do so ^^ this ask and the one i sent initially. thank you once again!!

-Bun

#mod bun #trauma talks

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free-pool-trash · 4 years

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dancing with our hands tied - peter maximoff

here it is you guys... the ✨very spicy✨ sequel to delicate which can be read here <3 (had to keep the rep song title theme going here)

please for the love of god let me know how this is I’ve never written smut before so please go crazy with the asks/comments/reblogs on this one I’d really appreciate it😩😓

word count: 4k 😳 (it’s not all smut dont get too excited)

warnings: +18 content, sexy times, unprotected wrap it before you tap it, swearing, i tried to keep vulgarity on a low level but i decided to just commit towards the end lmao, insinuation to sex from the beginning , some fluff and a tiny bit of angst sprinkled in there too, wandavision spoilers

You can definitely read this as a stand alone but it’ll make more sense if you read delicate first !! enjoy <3

masterlist

The days you spent in WestView had been tiring. Wanda seemed to be losing her composure with each day that passed, you watched how she became more and more skeptical of Peter and found yourself growing all the more anxious with the situation you’d run head first into. But, you were with Peter, your mind and his mind were free of Wanda’s influence and she’d been kind enough to appoint the pair of you your own house in the neighbourhood, a few doors down from her own, so, you couldn’t complain too much.

Today was a relatively quiet day, but you had a feeling that just meant you were in the calm before the storm. Tonight was, apparently, Halloween. Despite the fact that it was nowhere near October, you were more than happy to play along with Wanda’s over the top festivities.

Peter and Tommy had just zoomed into your and Peter’s bedroom, sporting matching outfits and excited expressions as they looked at you expectantly, “Well? What’d ya think?” Peter asked, motioning between himself and Tommy. The littlest speedster awaited your answer with wide, hopeful eyes, wanting validation from his cool uncle’s even cooler ‘friend’.

Yeah, you’d made out on Wanda’s couch but you still hadn’t addressed the question of where exactly your relationship stood. It felt as though the pair of you were both actively avoiding the awkward conversation, opting instead to simply fall into bed together every single night and completely disregard the boundaries of friendship in favour of hearing each other moaning until the early hours of the morning.

With a smile you let out a low whistle, “Looking good boys. I gotta say, Tommy, I think you’re outshining your uncle right now.”

You had to laugh when Tommy smirked triumphantly at Peter, “I told you she liked me more than you.” He boasted proudly and your laughs grew louder when Peter huffed angrily. He crossed his arms over his chest and jutted his bottom lip out childishly.

“Y/n, tell him you like me more.” Peter demanded, again, childishly.

You only grinned, “No comment.” You told him airily, making your way to your closet and hesitantly pulling out the latex costume Wanda created for you off of the rail, holding it by the hanger skeptically.

It was Peter’s turn to let out a whistle when his eyes scanned the skimpy looking leotard suspended by the hanger. The fabric mimicked the design of Peter and Tommy’s outfits although it seemed Wanda had gone out of her way to make yours ever so slightly sexier. The leotard was strapless with a sweetheart neckline and a silver lightning bolt ran through the light blue material. The only saving grace was the silver tights that hung from the hanger as well, at least you’d have some kind coverage. With one last peek into the closet, your eyes landed on a pair of white, knee high gogo boots.

“Christ…” You muttered, eyebrows furrowing at the thought of wearing the ensemble out in public, if it was cold tonight Wanda would be in for an aggressive telling off. With a deep sigh you turned to the two speedsters who were both staring at you, waiting for you to say something. “I guess we’re all gonna be matching tonight.”

“Sweet!” Tommy exclaimed while Peter only smirked. Peter, with a lot of effort, moved his attention from your costume to his nephew.

“Why don’t you go hang out with your brother for a while? I gotta talk to Y/n for a sec.” Tommy welcomed the suggestion, only nodding his head before he had sped out of your house and back to his own.

A gust of wind hit your face as Peter sped himself in front of you, the man didn’t hide his intentions as he gripped your hips and pulled you flush against him. Swaying his body against yours and bringing his lips to the exposed skin of your neck. He trailed his lips up your neck, sucking and nipping, smirking when you let out small noises of approval. When his lips reached the spot behind your ear, he gave a final, harsh suck which had your breath hitching and whining when he pulled away.

To be honest, you’d love to be able to call him your boyfriend and be certain that he thought of you as his girlfriend, but at the moment you were perfectly happy with whatever the fuck the two of you had going on if it meant you could keep feeling him against you like this.

“I cannot wait to see you wearing that.” He all but groaned against your ear, his voice deep and gravelly. The butterflies in your stomach went feral at his words and you had to pull your bottom lip between your teeth to keep from letting out a moan from his tone of voice alone, not to mention the fact that his crotch was pressed up against yours, he was excited to say the least.

Your hands slid up his chest and settled on either side of Peter’s neck, you gently pulled his head out from the crook of your nape and teasingly raised an eyebrow at him, “Maybe later I’ll let you help me get out of it.”

A wicked grin spread across his lips, he squeezed your hips in response, tugging you into him even further for some kind of relief then pressed his lips to yours briefly, murmuring against them, “That’s definitely a plan I can get behind.”

Giving him one last kiss, you pried his hands from your hips and pushed him away, “Alright, get lost I need to get ready.”

“Meet me at Wanda’s?” You nodded at his question, letting out a deep sigh you hadn’t noticed you’d been holding when he finally sped out of the room.

After a second of cooling down, you pulled on the outfit and you’d be the first to admit; Wanda knew what she was doing with this one. You looked incredible, albeit a little stupid in the costume, but still incredible.

When you made your way over to Wanda’s to meet up with the others, you let out a laugh seeing as Wanda was essentially wearing the same outfit as you, only with the added extras of a cape and gloves.

“Hey! Why are you dressed the same as Uncle P and Tommy?” Billy asked you curiously, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion as he glanced between you and Peter for answers. The speedster in question was smirking proudly, his arm finding a spot wrapped around your shoulder.

“Because she’s totally obsessed with me.” He lied with an over dramatic sigh, causing Tommy to laugh.

You rolled your eyes, elbowing him in the ribs playfully before focusing your attention onto Wanda, “I think it’s safe to say that Wanda and I will be winning best couples costume.” Wanda gave you a knowing grin and a not at all subtle wink in response to your statement.

“Only the best for the best.” She replied, walking forward and linking her arm with yours, stealing you away from Peter who whined in protest, “Oh hush, you can have her back later.”

Telepathy definitely had its perks, one of those perks being you could tell there was more to Wanda than just being an evil puppeteer. The two of you got along extremely well, you were actually growing to see her as a friend. It helped that you knew her story, though. You sympathised with her, knowing full well that if you lost the love of your life you’d probably create a false reality to be with him too. You’d already followed him into a fake reality so you supposed it wasn’t really too much of a stretch to imagine yourself in Wanda’s position.

As the night went on, yourself, Wanda and Peter were sitting around in town square, the twins having run off somewhere. Tensions were high between the interreality siblings at the minute, Peter seemed to be having the time of his life getting on Wanda’s last nerve, poking and prodding at her lifestyle choices.

“Lay off, Pete.” You warned quietly, your stare serious as you felt Wanda becoming impatient with the mutant. Your breathing stopped for a moment and you let put a horrified gasp, your hand clapped over your mouth as you stared at the image in front of you.

Peter’s skin was grey, his eyes were milky and he was littered in what you could only assume to be bullet holes- he was dead- no, you realised as you caught Wanda’s pained expression, he was Pietro.

Wanda regained her composure after a few seconds but the sight of Peter dead was enough to shake you to your very core and you found yourself shaking where you stood.

You didn’t even have a chance to regain your composure before shit had hit the fan. It had happened in a blur, Billy and Tommy were frantic and worried about Vision being in trouble and next thing you knew Wanda was sending Peter flying with a ball of energy after he made a smartass comment about Vision not dying twice.

Quickly, you ran to Peter’s side, he was groaning in pain and looking up at you through squinted eyes, “What the hell was that all about?” He grumbled, hiding his head in your lap when you got down on your knees beside him.

With a sigh you let your body fold against his, wrapping your arms around him and letting your head rest against his shoulder, the image of him bleeding out still too fresh and real in your mind. You could berate him for his brash behaviour another time, for now though; you just needed him close.

“Come on, dumbass. Let’s get you home before you decide to cause more trouble.” You mumbled, pulling him up with you. Ignoring his whining while you led him home, your arm remained firmly around his waist the whole way despite the fact he’d recovered from the blast Wanda dealt him after only a few minutes.

When you got back to the house that Wanda had deemed yours upon your arrival, you finally allowed yourself to breathe. Peter was staring at you with a guilty expression as you released a heavy breath through your nose and shuffled into the kitchen, the heels of your boots scraping on the hardwood as you walked.

Like a lost puppy, Peter followed you. Once he reached you lent against the sink he wrapped his arms around you from behind. He knew you weren’t angry at him by the way your arms immediately moved to grip his and tug them tighter around you.

“You know, her real twin- Pietro… he died,” Peter’s face contorted in confusion when you began to speak, he listened with concern as he could already hear your voice beginning to shake, absentmindedly he caught himself tucking you closer against his chest. “For a second… you must have said something that hit a nerve but for a few seconds…” Your voice hitched and you shook your head in an attempt to knock the image out of your mind, though you had a feeling it would haunt you for as long as you lived. When Peter noticed you’d started chewing at your bottom lip, as you always did when something was causing you anxiety, he gently turned you around in his arms so that he could look at you, his arms remaining firmly around you, yours finding a place resting against his chest.

“What happened, sweetheart?” He cooed, his eyes very much alive and staring into yours.

Swallowing thickly you answered, “You looked like him. You were dead.” You told him quietly and he was sure the look of grief on your face, brought on by the thought of him dying, would haunt him for a lifetime.

Your eyes watered as you took in his face. Scanning every part of it, his brown eyes that made you melt, the dimples that could still be faintly seen even when he wasn’t smiling, the lips that took up the vast majority of your thoughts and that tiny furrow between his brows as he looked down at you with worry.

You loved him.

Of course, you’d known this for years. But you needed him to know, and even though you were already well aware the overwhelming feeling is mutual, you needed to hear him say it.

His thumb running under your eye pulled you from your thoughts, “I’m not going anywhere, baby.” He whispered softly, his hand cupping your cheek as his thumb ran back and forth over your cheek bone. Your stomach flipped at the pet name and you nuzzled against his touch.

“Good. I don’t want to lose you ever again.” You confessed, looking up at him through your lashes fondly as his lips formed an almost sad smile.

Gently, he brought his lips down to meet yours, pouring his heart into the kiss, hoping it would make up for the turmoil he felt responsible for causing you. Too soon, he pulled away.

“Believe me, I’m never leaving your side. I mean come on, I’m without you for like three days and I end up being mind controlled by my sister who isn’t even my sister.” He chuckled out, a grin growing on his face as you began to smile too. He let his eyes close blissfully when you brushed your nose against his, a toothy smile on your face.

“You, Peter Maximoff, are completely hopeless.” You whispered through your smile as he opened his eyes to look at you. His own face sporting an adoring smile.

Your heart skipped a beat the second his next words passed through his smiling lips, “Without you, Y/n L/n, yes I am.” Within a second your arms were around his shoulders and your lips were moving frantically against his. Peter’s hands wasted no time in sliding down to your thighs, gripping them and propping you up onto the kitchen counter.

Your legs automatically wrapped around his waist and your hands got lost in his hair, keeping him as close as humanly possible while his lips migrated to your jaw.

An appreciative hum left your throat as he lapped at the underside of your jaw, leaving a mark before trailing his lips back to your mouth. His tongue licked at your bottom lip as he kissed you, moving it into your mouth the first chance he got. Peter moaned into your mouth when you gave his tongue a light suck.

You grinned at the sound and leaned your weight forward so you were primarily resting against his body, your arms and legs wrapped tightly around his body, your ass barely resting on the counter by that point. Welcoming your movements, Peter’s hands glided up from your thighs to grip your ass and pull you from the counter completely.

He carried you clumsily through the halls of the house, bumping into furniture and pausing to press your body against walls, his eyes closed and lips never separating from yours. You were about a foot away from the stairs when you felt your back make contact with the plaster behind you, your chest heaving when Peter abandoned your lips in favour of littering wet kisses across your chest, no doubt leaving a trail of hickeys in his wake.

You let your head fall back against the wall, enjoying the sensation of Peter nipping and licking at your skin, the man diving back to your neck as soon as he realised that your head thrown back made it entirely exposed to him. You released a breathy moan when his lips ghosted over a sensitive patch of skin, he moved his tongue frantically and you shuddered at the feeling of his hot breath hitting your bruised skin.

“Peter…” You whined when he pushed his crotch up against yours, pressing you further into the wall smirking against your neck when you called his name.

“Yes?” He asked teasingly, rutting his hips against yours once more, deliberately attempting to pull another moan from you, he obviously succeeded. His smirk broadened when you let out a huff and tugged his hair so he’d look at you.

Peter swore he was in heaven when his eyes met yours again, your face was red and your eyes were half-lidded, pupils blown wide with lust as your chest heaved. He could’ve exploded on the spot when you tugged your bottom lip between your teeth and looked at him innocently, all the while grinding your hips slowly and firmly against his. Peter clenched his jaw and let his eyes fall shut, his hands gripping your hips so tightly that you were pretty certain the area would have bruises come tomorrow. You were struggling to care about that though, focusing your energy on the man who had you pinned against the wall.

You brought your lips to Peter’s neck, repaying the favour, not detaching until you left a dark, albeit small, purple bruise on the underside of his jaw. Deciding to prolong the teasing for a little while longer you moved your lips up and let them hover by his ear and you began to let out soft little moans in response to his grinding, the action caused Peter’s movements to become more frantic and your lips to form in a smirk as you felt him hardening against you.

His breath was laboured when he murmured, “Let’s take this upstairs, yeah?” Before you could even answer he had sped the pair of you to the bedroom and you let your feet return to the floor.

As he stood in front of you, you took him in, swollen lips and Halloween hair completely tossed, not to mention the tent in his trousers that was very visible despite the layers of his costume. When your bodies collided again, it was a frenzy of hands, the both of you practically tearing the fabric off the other until you were in nothing but your underwear, kissing sloppily and stumbling towards the bed.

Peter’s lips attached to your chest again the second your back hit the mattress. He groped at your right breast while his tongue sucked on the other, swapping over before you pulled him back up to you.

The way he slotted between your legs and how his forehead rested on yours felt so perfect, you couldn’t help but grin.

“You’re gorgeous, sweetheart.” He muttered between kisses against your lips, his hands kneading your breasts as he did.

You were practically dripping by the time his hand slid down your stomach and under the band of your underwear. For someone with super speed he was moving agonisingly slow at the moment, his hand rubbing languidly over your wet core while he swallowed your moans.

“Fuck- God, Peter please.” You whined, your hips bucking into his hand, desperate for more friction than he was giving you.

The sound of your voice, so needy for him, was all he needed before he was pulling your underwear off, tossing the thin material over his shoulder haphazardly and shimmying out of his own boxers, clumsily kicking them away from his ankles, earning a giggle from you.

When he kneeled on the bed between your bent and separated knees you sat yourself up, sliding one hand up his bare chest and resting it against his shoulder while the other slid downward, only stopping once it was wrapped around his shaft. Peter sucked in a harsh breath when your began pumping him softly, the man completely losing it when your thumb swiped over his tip collecting the precum that had gathered and using it to wet the length of his dick as you continued to fuck him with your hand.

As much as Peter was loving the image and feeling of you jacking him off, he knew if you carried on he wouldn’t be able to last much longer. Still, he didn’t have the heart to pull your hand away when you were making him feel so good. His head found it’s favourite spot in the crook of your neck and he groaned out against the skin that was littered with little purple and red marks from his earlier work, which he’d be sure to admire later, “Shit, Y/n-“ He croaked through a moan, hands gripping your hips as he fought the urge he had to thrust into your hand, “M’not gonna last much longer if you keep doing that.” He groaned out, almost reluctantly, not truly wanting you to stop while simultaneously craving more.

You stopped your motions at his statement, giggling when he let out a strangled noise of disappointment at the sudden lack of pleasure. Doing the honours, you lined him up with your entrance, letting him take over when his lips connected with yours.

Peter gently pushed you back until your head was resting against your pillow and your back was flush with the mattress. His lips continued to mesh with yours as he pushed into you inch by inch until he bottomed out. The deep groan he released was music to your ears and your hands gripped his biceps when he began to thrust in and out.

A symphony of moans filled the room as Peter had managed to set a steady pace, trying his best not to let his mutation get the best of him, as much as he wanted to just go to town he was determined to make you feel as good as you made him feel and judging by the way your head was thrown back and his name fell from your lips like a prayer; he guessed he was doing an okay job.

In only a few minutes Peter had you gasping and clutching onto him like your life depended on it as he picked up speed, one of his hands reaching down between your bodies to rub your clit, his hips snapping against yours. Soon enough, you felt the pressure in your stomach release, your walls clenching around Peter’s dick as your back arched and you released around him. After only a few more staggered strokes, Peter moaned your name against your lips, finishing inside of you and thrusting lazily, riding out his high and subsequently helping you ride out yours.

You let out a blissful sigh when Peter pulled out and rolled over to lay on his back beside you, his chest heavy and his blonde hair sticking slightly against his forehead.

“That- that was awesome.” He mumbled, intertwining his fingers with yours, holding your hand by his side.

Over the last couple of nights you and Peter had, admittedly, ended up in a similar position but neither of you intended for it to happen. It’d usually start off innocently enough, with cuddling or just talking and then one of you would move in just that little bit closer and things would escalate. But there was something about this time that felt a lot more emotional than the few times before. “It was.” You agreed with an airy giggle, squeezing his hand affectionately.

A gust of air shook you from your haze. Peter had taken it upon himself to clean up the mess the pair of you had left between your legs, a pair of his boxers and one of his t-shirts now adorned your body matching him as he wore the same.

He was on his side facing you, his arms holding you against his chest securely the same way they had the night you’d shown up in WestView and urged him to kiss you. When he took you in, he kicked himself for missing out on so much of you for so long.

He was certain, one of these days he’d actually speak the three words that followed him around whenever he thought about you, but as he watched your eyes flutter closed, he decided the words would be best spoken some other time. He was well aware you already knew, just as he was well aware that you loved him, it needed to be said. Eventually, but not quite yet.

#peter maximoff #peter maximoff x reader #peter maximoff smut #peter maximoff imagine #wandavision x reader #wandavision spoilers #pietro maximoff #pietro maximoff x reader #wanda maximoff x reader

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delu-jean · 3 years

Text

𝐈𝐬 𝐇𝐞 𝐌𝐢𝐧𝐞? (𝐏𝐭 𝟐)

(Akaashi x fem!/reader) -> Angst/Fluff? -> 3.2k

Synopsis: Akaashi is strolling through Tokyo, and on that day, meets a boy who looks all too familiar. One whose eyes remind him of you.

Part One: Is He Mine?

Part Three: Is Her Mine? (Part. 3)

Notes: Part two as promised! Maybe I’ll make a part three (haha >:)). Be sure to comment if you would liked to be tagged for the next part, and reblogs are always appreciated.

-> Also, for those tagged in this post, I’ll tag you in the next as well ^^

“Y/n...please tell me.”

“T-tell you what?” you asked nervously, as he felt just the same. Inhaling his breath, hoping he could keep calm.

“Is...is he mine?”

---

“Is he who’s?”

“Mine Y/n...is he mine?”

You stared at the gentleman. Though his question was reasonable (?), that was the first thing he was going to ask you?...after all of those years?...years of torment, resentment, and whatever else. Maybe you were overreacting, but yet again, you were a woman who stood by her morals. And that being the case, your instincts had said your reaction was as reasonable as his question.

Some part of you wanted to snap. To holler at Akaashi for asking such a ridiculous question, yet the other part...was scared. You felt anxious when thinking of a proper answer. Was Ryu his?.... If taken out of context, he could’ve been asking if Ryu belonged to him, and of course he didn’t. Ryu wasn’t an object that could be owned by merely anyone. He was his own person, and that being the case, wasn’t something that could’ve been held down. Yet even though you could’ve interpreted it that way, you knew what Akaashi really meant. Yet you didn’t exactly have an answer.

“Ryu?”

“Yeah...”

Akaashi seemed suspicious. He could tell you were hiding something, and even though very obvious, he didn’t want to assume. Hoping that you would confirm things so that you both could talk it out. Yet here you were, not giving him a response. He was confused to say the least, shouldn’t the answer have been easy? Ryu looked exactly like him, and plus, him not having a father was another takeaway. Using those facts should’ve given him enough confirmation.

But then again, maybe the answer wasn’t as easy as it should’ve been. What if Ryu wasn’t his?...what if Akaashi had made an assumption out of impulse, because of a lingering feeling he had. One of which you sparked for him to feel.

Maybe he was being delusional, and instead, was trying to make an excuse. An excuse to spend another minute, even a second with you there. Ryu was important to him as well. His or not, he respected that you had started a family, and was glad Ryu was a part of it. He adored Ryu, but he also admired you. Speaking of Ryu, the boy then clung onto you. He seemed confused about the interaction, and tried asking for clarification.

“His? *GASP* Am I Akaashi’s brother!? Momma, you never told me!” he smiled happily, ecstatic at the news.

“Eh-no dear, he’s not your brother,” you chuckled, for him to ask:

“Then what did he mean? What did you mean, Akaashi?” you then stared at Akaashi. You knew he was smart enough to play things through, and even so, you still panicked the slightest bit.

“I was wondering if you would be mine for the night, along with your mother. We could go grab dinner, or ice cream even,” you looked at him in shock as his eyes seemed determined. Needing an answer, and willing to get it in whatever scenario possible.

“But what about Kuroo?”

“Oh my, I forgot about that,” you then glanced at your watch.

“Kuroo?...but how-oh….” Akaashi then thought about how you and Kuroo were very close friends. So close that sometimes, he would even find you hanging out with Kuroo, over himself. Though it wasn’t because you liked him (in that way), rather, you were both very good friends. Akaashi let it be since you both had mutual trust, and Kuroo was someone he was also friends with. Besides, Akaashi also respected your personal life with others, and so did you for him.

They still talked till this day, and not once had Kuroo mentioned you having a child. But to be fair, Kuroo never mentioned you. That being because both you and Akaashi had broken up, and it would’ve been an uncomfortable topic. Still, Akaashi found it strange. If Kuroo knew, wouldn’t Bokuto have as well?...meaning that Akaashi would’ve known by now? His thoughts continued to trail as you looked at him in disbelief.

You did have plans with Kuroo, but then, you also had a couple hours until he’d come around. Even so, you didn’t want to spend that time with Akaashi. He was one of the last people you needed to talk to. The grudge which still stood in your heart, clenched with each second he stood there. The anger which he had gifted you, was something that was eager to return. As you had thought this, you then stared at your son. He seemed thrilled to be with such a man, as he gripped onto Akaashi’s hand in excitement, saying:

“Yay! We get to eat together!”

“We’re going to have so much fun!”

“Let’s try some bubble waffles!”

You then remembered that even if you had felt that, your son instead felt joy being with Akaashi. And that being the case, you didn’t have the right to take that happiness away. After all, Ryu was not yours either. He wasn’t someone you could drag away from events, just because you had conflicts with a person. Though there were times where doing so was appropriate, was now really such an event?...not even you could answer that. But even though you couldn’t, his smile which brightened the mood, had answered for you.

“Okay buddy, slow down. Fine, we can go with brother...Akaashi. We’ll meet Kuroo sometime later, just let me text him.”

“Okay mom! Akaashi, Up!” you then eyed the boy, for him to insist regardless.

“Please mom! He’s so tall, and I can see everything-”

“Ryu no-”

“Sure, what not?” Akaashi then grabbed the boy, placed him on his shoulders, and secured his legs with his hands. You then sighed. If Akaashi had agreed, what could you do? You then texted Kuroo, grabbing your bag firmly as Akaashi spoke:

“I know a place where we could grab ramen. If not, we could instead-”

“No, ramen is fine,” you said in a stoic tone.

“Okay...then let’s get going.”

---

The walk to the outdoor stand was awkward. Well...for you and Akaashi at least. The last time you two spoke, was the day he broke things off. He never reached out to you during that time, and now...here you both were. Expected to have a lengthy conversation, and to enjoy yourselves. Key word, “expected.” Though it would’ve been nice if you both could have talked care free, it wasn’t going to happen. That event occurred when both parties have mutually moved on. From Akaashi’s perspective, he still had lingering thoughts, yet kept them to the side. Going on with his life as he expected you did yours. Though he thought you had moved on, you had thought differently for different reasons.

Even though you both had your differences, Ryu was there. Entertaining the both of you separately. He complimented you one second, and played with Akaashi the next. You had never seen Akaashi so enthusiastic with a child before. Though he wasn’t going all crazy, and acting like a kid himself, he was being a lot more open. Talking back and forth with Ryu, giving nice remarks, and also rewarding him...with that beautiful smile he bestowed.

Even so, you tried to ignore it. Remembering that this entire ordeal was for Ryu, and not for your observations.

“We’re here. What do you want Ryu?”

“Hm, could I get the one with Tonkatsu? I’ve been craving it all day!”

“Haha, sure buddy. And...you, Y/n?”

“I’m not hungry, you guys go ahead,” Akaashi then sighed, obviously not believing you.

“We’ll get two Tonkatsu ramens, along with Fukuoka ramen.”

“Sure, that’ll be $18.35 please.”

“Debit-”

“Um...I can pay for both Ryu and I,” you said, as you tried scrambling for your wallet. Akaashi then tapped the machine, placing his hand on your own (the hand in your purse).

“It’s fine. Afterall, I already paid,” you shook your head, but let it go as Ryu pointed to a table.

“Come on! Let’s sit!”

---

“Akaashiii~!”

“What is Ryu?”

“How do you know mommy? Mommy would never talk to a stranger, so that means you both know each other.”

“Oh...well, um,” Ryu was truly a bright child. One who caught on a little too quickly. He really did remind you of his father. Quick witted, yet wise with his tongue. Being certain to use specific words or sentences, to ensure/secure his curiosities.

“Well...mommy and Akaashi were very good friends,” you replied.

“Ahhh. So if that’s the case, why have I never met him before?”

“Well you see-”

“It’s because I live further away from you guys,” Akaashi answered.

“But so does Kuroo,” Akaashi then pondered, and placed his hands together.

“Hm, I guess you’re right. Well, maybe your mother has an answer,” the two black haired boys, then stared at you. Both were awaiting for an answer, and yet both had different intentions. One wondering out of pure curiosity, while the other...was waiting for an explanation. One which could clear up any, if not every misconception.

“Well sweetie, sometimes good friends have to part ways. Everyone has their reasons, but most of the time…” you then looked at Akaashi.

“It’s because it’s for the better,” his gaze was locked onto yours. The stare was unreadable. It didn’t feel tense, yet it was. Was it cold, hurtful?...you wouldn’t have known. But what you did know was that Akaashi was good, too good at hiding his thoughts. So good that when together, he would let things slip without reaction. Sometimes that was a great thing...and others...not so much.

“Why would it be a good thing? You both were best friends!” you then placed a hand on his head, patting it gently.

“Well...friends have to grow up. That doesn’t mean you can’t see them again, but, what it does mean is that you’ll have some time...alone. And that time...is used for you to grow.”

“Ahh, I see mom! Is that why we don’t see Kuroo often?”

“Haha, no sweetie. That’s actually because we live further away. If Kuroo lived in our city-”

“He would be living with us, right?”

“Hm...I guess so,” Akaashi then looked in the other direction. There was no tint of emotion, just...silence.

“Akaashiiii, the ramen is here!”

“Oh, is it Ryu?”

“Yeah, it is!” your bowls were then slid over. Ryu stared at Akaashi’s hands, and at first, Akaashi wasn’t sure as to why. Ryu didn’t touch his food, and at first, he was worried that the boy didn’t like it, but then noticed he was holding a pair of scissors. Pointing them towards the gentleman. Though confused, he then caught onto Ryu’s gesture.

“Dear I can-” before you could finish your sentence, Akaashi started to cut his noodles. Making them bit size for the boy. It seemed like second hand nature, yet something new to him. Though, you would’ve felt more comfortable doing it yourself, you weren’t complaining as the job was now done.

“Thanks Akaashi!”

“No problem Ryu. Now, let’s eat.”

---

You all then finished your ramen. Though you had said you weren’t hungry, you couldn’t help but eat it. After all of those years, Tonkatsu ramen was still your favourite, and Akaashi still knew. He was glad that he remembered the littlest of details. Ones which may have been overlooked. Ones he made sure to be attentive to. Not only that, but he was glad Ryu had enjoyed the meal as well. He truly was your son as he had the same tastes as you. Akaashi found it quite cute, and found it even more adorable as he ran out of the restaurant, shouting:

“Mom, Akaashi! I want to play at the park!”

“Hm...it’s a little late buddy,” Akaashi said, for you to respond:

“It should be fine. We’ll be over here watching Ryu. No funny business young man!”

“Okay mommy!” the young boy then climbed the slide, as Akaashi sat on the bench. Patting on it, indicating that you sat beside him. And so...you did. Your legs together, hands as well, as your head looked down. He then sighed, asking:

“Do you feel uncomfortable? I can move if-”

“No...it’s fine. We’ll be leaving soon, so no need to worry.”

“Is Kuroo picking you up?” you then nod as he did the same.

“I see...so...how have you been?”

“Oh...um...I’ve been okay. I’ve done better, but...yeah.”

“Hm, I see,” you really didn’t want to be in this situation. Maybe for him, it seemed civil, but to you...it was awkward. Neither of you knew what to say, and neither did you try to hide it (successfully at least). Akaashi then twitteled with his thumbs. A rare sight you would see every once in a while. Akaashi was a well spoken person, and usually had something to say in a well mannered way. But when he didn’t, or didn’t know what to say, he would play with his thumbs. Hoping that something would spring to mind.

“You must be having fun.”

“Fun doing what?” he looked at you.

“Playing with your thumbs,” you smirked, for him to put his hands away.

“Not really.”

“Hm...so...what have you been up to?” you asked, curious and yet not wanting to know.

“Nothing much...just work and well, Bokuto and I still hang out from time to time.”

“Ahh, really? I’m glad. You both were the bestest of friends.”

“And still are,” he smiled, while watching Ryu climb the monkey bars.

“Hm, you have a girlfriend yet?” he then paused for a moment, for him to answer:

“No...not yet. I haven’t found anyone interesting.”

“Ah, that’s unfortunate.”

Was it really?...you wouldn’t know how to think after today. If you hadn’t met Akaashi here...you would’ve thought otherwise. Glad that he hadn't found someone else, for his actions sickened you. Such a gentleman, yet someone so cruel. You would feel awful if he had grasped someone, just as tightly as he did to you. Sprinkling you with such intoxicating, yet graceful pleas, and yet he left you there to rot in such doing. Such a passionate man, yet that same person could find passion in such coldness.

For the past years, you had found him to be utterly despicable. After that one event...you couldn’t help but think that. But even so, after seeing him with Ryu today...you couldn’t help but melt. The two were so sweet together, and even though you hated to admit, had a spectacular relationship within just hours. They really acted as the best of friends, and Akaashi seemed to enjoy it. Not only that...but his smile...it was one which was truly admirable.

You then stared at Akaashi, while he watched Ryu. He really hadn’t changed. He was calm, quiet, and reserved. His posture was on parr with the rest of his body. His hair was styled more neatly, and actually, it had grown a bit, along with his height. His figure, a lot larger than what it was in university, and his cologne smelled of lavender, along with a hint of pepper. It was a strange combination, but it worked. He really had grown up to be even more attractive. And that being the case, it surprised you that he didn’t have a partner. Said attractiveness, along with the kindness of his nature...had drawn you in, and yet dragged you out. Leaving you in a confused, and undecided state of mind.

He then took note of your stare, and grinned. Secretly glad that your attention had averted towards him, yet, he was trying to be subtle. You truly looked astonishing tonight. Even after a couple of years, you still looked the same. That same highschooler who he had fallen in love with, the one who had constantly supported both him, and Fukurodani. The only person who truly understood such a stoic man. That same girl he would forever hold a place in his heart for. Although, now you weren’t just a sweet girl, but now, a beautiful lady instead.

Deep down, he would’ve wished for a space to open. Allowing such a lady to make way into his heart. Hoping said lady, would do the same. And maybe, just maybe...a prince could join you both as well. Making his thoughts come true in the utmost blessed way.

He made sure you didn’t catch onto his stare, the one which he had latched onto you. His attempts were taken very seriously, as he didn’t want to make things too obvious. Unfortunately, you did catch him in the act, and turned away, embarrassed.

“Hm,” he smirked, as you fished for your phone.

Kuroo ᕙ(`▿´)ᕗ

-> ‘Are you still coming?’

-> ‘Of course. Sorry, traffic delays. I should be there in ten.’

-> ‘Okay...see you soon’

You were about to turn of your phone, to then see Kuroo text:

-> ‘Also...don’t worry too much. You can do this Y/n, good luck, and I’ll be there soon.’

You then smiled, and Akaashi took note, thinking:

‘She’s probably talking to her…ah...’ he sighed at the thought, to then ask:

“Are you talking to your husband?...you seem happy,” he smiled. Even though smiling was a happy gesture, he couldn’t help but make it the opposite. Making his grin, feel ever so agonizing.

“Ah...well...that was Kuroo,” Akaashi then batted a brow, surprised to say the least. He’d only seen that look on you when you were vulnerable. Whether you were scared, or secretly happy. Regardless, that was only around him...not even Kuroo had seen such a stare. But now that he saw you in such a state, it made him question if you, and Kuroo were in a relationship. That being the reason why he never brought it up, and vice versa.

“Oh...I see. So that means,” Akaashi then started to think. Yes, the younger child looked like him, but then, there was also resemblance between both Ryu, and Kuroo. They both had black hair, Ryu had a peckish, yet sweet smile (like Kuroo...minus the sweet-), and the bits of information fit logically. If you and Kuroo had Ryu, it would’ve made sense.

Both childhood friends who had grown together, to then realize what they wanted after he...had left you. Starting a family, and being with each other?.... Ryu looked like he could’ve been Kuroo's, or anyone for that matter. But even if Akaashi would have liked to think that way, the connection was too uncanny to deny.

Even so, Akaashi was still suspicious. Wondering as to why Ryu would be so reluctant towards his father. Why he would call “Kuroo,” well…”Kuroo,” and just as to why you both lived so far away. Maybe you both had a situation?...but then again, wasn’t Kuroo on his way to pick you up? Akaashi was confused, and felt like he was over-thinking things. Maybe Ryu wasn’t his...and Akaashi was instead looking for something...that wasn’t there...nor his to compensate.

“That means what?...” he then locked his eyes, with yours. Though he was someone who was hard to read, you could tell how desperate he was. His stare, piercing right at you, hoping he could get an answer.

“Y/n...could you please tell me...if he’s...mine?” you then saw the sorrowful expression, which struck him. The guilt which seeped in, had dug even further. Not sure how to tell him, nor how to phrase things. Your hands clenched, inhaling slowed, as your body trembled. He seemed just as scared for your response, to then hear:

“He’s-”

“He’s mine, Akaashi...Ryu is mine,” Kuroo said, for silence to then fill.

For Those Who Wanted To Be Tagged/Reblogged/Wanted A Part Two! ^^ :

@bokutojuicyass; @realbugmom; @exactlygreatlove; @instantdinosaurhottub; @suchagoodgirlxoxo; @nomadicadventures; @greenhoodie-mark; @n5koma; @animclarinerd; @personalficarchive; @sabrinakishi; @amecchii; @daffodilpetals; @lerougestvelvet; @notamazinglizzy; @akaashimarryme5; @m00ndust2

->Sorry to those who tags aren’t working qwq

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mickey-henry · 3 years

Text

𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐛𝐮𝐜𝐤𝐲

pairing: bucky barnes x reader

summary: bucky’s been flirting with you, but hasn’t taken it further than that. frustrated, you decide to take matters into your own hands.

word count: 2.1k

warnings: occasional swearing (but not much) and frustrating flirting (I’d be melting if it was happening to me). besides that, this fic is pure fluffy fun.

author’s note: hello there! this is my second fic; I’m very excited to post it! I found the header image here, and if you want to listen to the song I reference in this fic, you can listen here. bold text indicates singing, while italicized text refers to inner thoughts. likes, reblogs, messages, replies, and comments are cherished! I hope you like it! 💖

Bucky Barnes is an acquaintance at best. The two of you rarely work together, and with conflicting schedules, you see little of each other around the compound. On a random Friday in April, however, something changes in you. The moment is nothing out of the ordinary. You’re sitting on the couch in the main living space, re-reading one of your favorite books. Bucky has just returned from a mission; you glance up to see his exhausted expression. He catches your eye, winking with a smile, before walking to his room. Your heart flutters and your head freezes at the response. “Oh, no,” you think to yourself. “Maybe that was a one-time thing? I don’t actually like him, right?” Wrong.

Ever since that night, the mere presence of Bucky Barnes drives you crazy: his stunning blue eyes that squint ever so slightly when he smiles, his adorable nose that crinkles when he laughs, his pillowy lips that you lose yourself in, his fluffy hair you can’t help but imagine running your fingers through, his scruff speckled jawline that you wish would brush along your hands, cheeks, anywhere really. He occupies your dreams; you can’t escape this man even if you try. Today, he drives you crazier than usual. He stands in the compound's kitchen in a tight black t-shirt, one that leaves nothing to the imagination. This is the first time you’ve seen him in short sleeves, in anything other than tactical gear. You can’t help but stare as he prepares his lunch. The shirt hugs his frame tight, accentuating his biceps that had no right to be that big. “Gosh, he must spend hours in the gym to look like that.” You then notice the vein in his right arm protruding from his skin, tracing it with your eyes. You didn’t think he could become any more beautiful, but here he is before you, incredible as ever.

You’re pulled from your reverie when Bucky calls your name. “Yeah?” you reply, barely masking the startled stutter in your voice.

“Pass me the salt?”

“Oh! Sure, of course,” you muster, taking a sip of water from the glass in front of you as you hand him the salt shaker.

“Thanks, doll,” he flirts with a smile, the same one he gave you that night when he got back to the compound. You nearly choke. “Bucky Barnes called me a term of endearment?!? Holy shit.” Your heart swells and you look down at your glass in a desperate attempt to hide the blush creeping its way across your cheeks. “Goodness gracious, I respond this way from a simple word?” You couldn’t imagine how you’d feel if he touched you.

It didn’t take long to find out. The following day, you stand in the kitchen prepping your lunch, singing softly along to the song playing from your phone. Bucky appears soon after. He stands close to you for a moment, closer than necessary, but of course you don’t mind. He has just showered; his cologne lingers in the air, intoxicating you. Somehow, you keep singing along, showing no sign that your mind is elsewhere.

“Ugh, he smells amazing. This man has too much power over me; this is ridiculous! I don’t even remember what I was doing—”

“You have a beautiful voice,” he compliments.

“Thank you, Bucky,” you softly reply, your heart racing at his praise.

“Let me get by you real fast, doll,” he says, moving to walk behind you.

“There he goes again with the pet name. My god, could this get any worse—”

He places his hands gently on your hips as he moves beside you. Electricity travels through your whole body; you’re internally screaming at his touch. His hands feel better than you imagined. Even though the contact lasts only a moment, the effects of his touch linger after, leaving you speechless.

You hear a musical chuckle from the man behind you. “Is he teasing me? It sure feels like it,” you wonder. There is no way that he can’t see the effect he has on you. Before you can even formulate another thought, he touches you again as he moves back to the other side of you. “That was definitely on purpose; certainly he wouldn’t do this by accident. Right?”

Your eyes linger as he finishes putting together his lunch. He catches your gaze and smiles. “See you later, sweetheart,” he says with a wink before leaving the room. “Okay, that answers my question; that was very intentional. What am I going to do with myself?”

You don’t know how much longer you can take his teasing. Throughout the week, he ups his antics, calling you pet names more than your own, stealing touches whenever he can get away with it, smiling whenever you make eye contact. The tension is insatiable; thoughts of Bucky follow you everywhere. You decide to take matters in your own hands; Bucky did not seem to be planning to make a move anytime soon. If he is going to tease the hell out of you, you might as well get some payback.

───────────── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ･ ─────────────

Tony’s announcement of Friday night karaoke gives you a wicked idea. However, for it to work, you need to recruit help. You know just who to ask. It doesn’t take long to find Sam and Steve; they spent a ton of their free time sparring in the gym. They seem to be at the end of their workout, their movements slow and sloppy, relying on witty retorts to throw off the other. They stop when they notice your arrival.

“Hey!” Sam says with a smile, hugging you as you approach. You squeeze him tightly, even with his sticky sweat coating his arms. You greet Steve with a hug too.

“What brings you to our neck of the woods?” Steve asks as you let go.

“Can I ask you guys something? And you promise you two won’t laugh at me? Especially if I'm reading this wrong?”

“Of course,” answers Steve.

“Yeah, for sure,” replies Sam.

You hesitate for a second, taking a deep breath. “Does Bucky like me? I swear he does. He keeps teasing me, and I don’t know how much longer I can take it. I think I am practically in love with the guy at this point, he’s so beautiful and—”

You stop as the boys exchange glances and begin laughing.

You cross your arms, hurt. “You said you wouldn’t laugh at me! I can’t control how I feel.”

“No! Wait! We aren’t laughing at you!” Steve says between giggles.

You furrow your brows. “Then why are you laughing?”

“Bucky’s obsessed with you,” Steve answers after calming his laughter.

“God, yes, you’re all he talks about nowadays,” Sam adds.

“What?! He does? Why? Are you shitting me right now? Because that would be really freaking mean—“

“No! Of course not,” Steve insists. “Don’t you see the way he looks at you?”

“And the pet names he gives you?” Sam adds.

“And how he can’t seem to keep his hands to himself lately?” Steve finishes.

Now you feel stupid for even asking. Of course you noticed all of those things. They were all you ever thought about. “Well, yeah, but maybe he does that with all the girls.”

“What girls?” Sam retorted. “The only women who are here often enough to cross paths with him are you, Natasha, and Wanda. Wanda’s with Vision, as weird as that is, but love is love. Natasha shoots daggers at anyone who looks at her with love in their eyes. That leaves you.”

“Why in the world would he like me? Of all people? He’s out of my league,” you sigh,

Sam’s scoff pulls you from your thoughts. “Bucky? Out of your league? He’s a crazy ex-assassin with emotional issues! If anything, he's out of your league.”

“You’re a catch, why wouldn’t he like you?” Steve assures.

Steve and Sam always know just what to say to make you feel better. “I guess you’re right,” you admit with a defeated grin.

“So, you know how Bucky feels. What are you going to do about it?” Steve asks.

“I have an idea, but I need your help.”

“We’re listening.”

You divulge your plan to them. They smile, hyping you up.

“Dude, I’m so down!” Sam exclaims, clapping his hands in excitement.

“You think this will work?”

“Definitely,” Steve assures. “This is going to be amazing!”

“Okay then, we’re doing this. Let’s go find Bucky. Time to initiate phase one.”

───────────── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ･ ─────────────

Bucky is sitting on the common room couch, flipping through a book when he sees you, Sam, and Steve enter. He exchanges a glance with you, smiling as your eyes light up. The three of you sit down. You’re sitting next to Sam, closer than usual. There’s a brief moment of silence before you speak. “Sam, are you going to karaoke night?”

“Of course! Wouldn’t miss everyone’s drunk-ass singing for the world.”

“Will you be my duet partner?”

This catches Bucky’s attention. He looks up from his book. Why the hell were you asking Sam to sing with you? You normally ask the girls...

“Sure thing, baby. It’ll be a ton of fun!” Sam smiles.

Baby?! What?! How dare he call you a pet name, his girl, right in front of him? Well, you may not be his girl yet, but Sam knows how he feels about you. What the hell is he thinking?

“Yay! This’ll be so fun!” You hug him, grabbing his hand before continuing, “Wanna practice with me in a bit?”

“Find me when you’re ready, sweetheart,” Sam answers, kissing your knuckle before letting go of your hand.

Sweetheart?! What the fuck was going on? Did he miss his shot? Would Sam really do that to him? Bucky can barely handle his swirling thoughts. He storms out of the room without looking back.

Steve can’t help but laugh once Bucky is out of earshot. “That worked a little too well, wouldn’t you say so?”

“That wasn’t too far, was it?” you ask with a worried expression on your face.

“Nah, don’t worry about it. He’ll just come on even stronger now. He won’t give up on you that easily,” Sam assures you.

───────────── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ･ ─────────────

Bucky can barely contain his anger as you step on the stage with Sam, giggling and smiling at your karaoke partner. Jealousy engulfs him. He can barely listen to the start of the song, ignoring the catchy beat blasting through the speakers. He doesn’t recognize the song, but looks up from his drink when you sing, “Hey Bucky boy, what you doing tonight? I wanna see what you got in store."

He looks right at you. Did she just say Bucky?

Sam echoes, “Hey, hey Bucky!” Well, that answers his question.

“You're giving it your all when you're dancing on me. I want to see if you can give me some more,” you continue, twirling your fingers through your hair.

“Hey, hey Bucky!”

“You can be my man, I can be your girl, and we can pump this jam however you want,” you sing, swaying your hips to the cadence of the lyrics.

“Hey, hey Bucky!”

“Pump it from the side, pump it upside down, or we can pump it from the back and the front,” you wink as you finish the line. Bucky sits up suddenly, crossing his legs, his face turning beet red. You smile, knowing the plan was working. Steve laughs from beside him. He keeps his eyes glued on you as the two of you continue the song, utterly entranced. You look him right in the eye as you end the song, “I want you tonight.”

You saunter over to where he is sitting after high-fiving Sam, confidence filling your chest. “So, what did you think of my performance, Bucky?”

You yelp as he grabs your hips and pulls you down to sit on his lap. His voice deepens, “you’re such a tease, you know that right?”

You laugh. “I’m the tease? Really? You’re the one who just pulled me onto your lap and taunts me with flirtatious remarks and smiles all freaking day. My god Bucky, make a move already—”

He cuts you off, pulling you in for a kiss, his flesh arm grabbing the back of your neck. The team whoops and cheers.

“Glad you finally made a move, Bucky,” you pant as your lips part from his.

“Best decision I ever made in my life, doll.” Before you can respond, he kisses you again, the karaoke bar fading in the background as you finally embrace the man of your dreams.

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky x you #bucky x reader #bucky barnes one shot #bucky barnes reader insert #bucky barnes fanfic #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes #mickey-henry #bucky barnes fic #my fic: hey bucky #mel's writing

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parkersroses · 3 years

Text

champagne problems. | harry styles.

summary: Harry and Y/N meet again after things fell out for them.

pairing: harry styles x fem!reader

word count: 7.3k words

trigger warnings: mentions of mental health issues and attempt of self harm, angst. if these are triggering to you, pls do not read this.

a/n: (gif credits to @letsmakesomeonehappytoday) i’m super nervous about this, also this is definitely the longest i’ve written. i began writing this last december bc i absolutely love the context of the song and i felt like writing something that touches important issues like mental health. i read and did research on how i could write this properly without having it look like i was romanticising the topic. if you do find it that way, pls feel free to leave constructive criticism so i can further improve and amend on my writing. don’t feel obligated to read this if it is triggering to you. here is a link to some mental health hotlines, i might add some more in another if i find any that are reliable. don’t be afraid to ask for help or even help others if you know they might be struggling.

reblog, comment if you like it or not, or even start a conversation. donate to my kofi if you’d like to support me further. i love you all.

The relaxing and sensual sound of jazz music filled the room. The chandeliers hanging above casted a golden glow over it, making the room more elegant than it did. People were dressed in nice clothing for the new year celebration.

Harry was not one for New Year’s eve parties, having to prefer sitting in the comfort of his home, sipping on some champagne as he tries to ignore the loud fireworks going off. But considering it was one of his old friends that was hosting this particular party, there was no way he would deny it. He enjoyed having to see his old friends again after a busy year of filming a movie for the world to see one day.

He stands with his friend, Jake, as he holds a champagne flute in one hand. Talia, his recently girlfriend-turned-fiancée, standing next to him with an arm wrapped around his waist. It had been two weeks since he proposed and two weeks since she said yes to marrying him. It was a joyous time for them after nearly a year of dating. Some might think they rushed but Harry ignored them. He knew if the time was right, then it would be bound to happen eventually.

Harry’s eyes scan through the sea of people while Jake and Talia are discussing animatedly about something he probably isn’t paying attention to all that much. His eyes wander around until they fall on a familiar figure. He blinks his eyes hard enough to make sure they aren’t playing tricks on him, and they aren’t. The person who he knew and loved before. The person whom he intended to spend the rest of his life with. The person who left him, not giving him a reason as to why.

Y/N stands with Natalia, occasionally sipping on her champagne as they talk. He should have known that their group of friends would stay in touch with her, even after they broke up years ago. She wears her casual dark jeans, a black long-sleeved shirt and heeled boots. A contrast to those around them, wearing fancy dresses and suits. She always stood out in her own way. It was why he loved her then.

Harry let out a breath, seemingly couldn’t believe that his ex lover is here in the same room as him. Talia notices this and questions, “Babe, you alright?” Harry breaks away his gaze from Y/N before smiling at his dear fiancée. “Yeah, m’fine. Just saw an old friend, s’all,” he assures her as he sips on his drink.

“Oh, d’you want to talk to her?” She asks, and Harry shakes his head because if he did, he wouldn’t know how to act or say to her. “No worries. Maybe later,” he says.

As time passes, Harry finds himself focused on Y/N numerous times. In his mind, he is already thinking of ways to talk to her. What would he say to her? Would she even want to talk to him? Or were they going to pretend everything was fine before she left him?

When he looks around for her again, he freezes as he sees her eyes staring right back at her, almost looking in shock as he is there too. There is a glimmer in her eyes that he always noticed. She gives him a small yet timid smile from across the room before breaking away from the eye contact.

Harry decides to pick up what’s left of his courage in his body to walk over and greet her. He leans into Talia’s ear, whispering to her. “I’m just going to meet an old friend. You’ll be okay here?” He says. Talia looks up at him and nods. She assures him that she’ll be alright, saying that she’ll talk to some other of their friends.

As he leaves her side, he walks through the sea of people to look for the person he hadn’t seen in a long time. Harry finds her grabbing another glass of champagne from a nearby tray and he smiles at this. He always knew she liked champagne. She doesn’t notice him walking up to her until he clears his throat. She turns around and her breath hitches as she sees him. Harry’s mouth dries up instantly as his eyes gazes upon her. Despite years of knowing her, he still found her beautiful.

The corner of his lips curls up slightly. “Hi,” he says quietly, his breath slightly shaking as he spoke. He isn’t sure whether she heard him, but her reply seems to answer that. “Hi,” she replies, with the same nervousness in her voice.

“Fancy seeing yeh here,” he chuckles. Y/N smiles at this; while it was awkward to have seen her ex in a long while, he never fails to make the situation comfortable for them. “Y-Yeah, you too,” she stutters.

She is not going to admit it aloud, but she misses the sound of his voice. How deep and raspy it could get. She misses his voice being the first thing she hears when she wakes up, or the hums she would hear in her ear as they would dance with no music on. She misses his touch whenever he holds her close, warmth and protection radiating from his body onto hers. She misses everything about him despite them not being together anymore for a long time, she admits but never out loud.

Silence fills the gap between as they both figure out what to say. On one hand, they can pretend everything is alright and converse like old friends. On the other, they can push their fears aside and talk about what is actually in their minds that seem to have an affect on their current relationship.

“So, how’ve yeh been?” He hesitates to ask. He’s not sure whether she would lie to him or give him the proper answer he needs. The answer he wishes he knew. Y/N doesn’t know how to answer that without making it sound as depressing as it is. There had been many times she wanted to give him a reason why she left him, to give him a little bit of closure that he deserves. Perhaps it is her pride that prevented her from doing so.

“I’m alright,” she says with a small smile on her lips. Her answer could be a lie or the truth. “And, you?”

He nods slightly at her answer. “I’ve been alright,” He gives her tight smile back. “Been a while since I last saw you,” he says and she nods. “Y-Yeah, way too long,” she says quietly. It’s hard to ignore how insincere the smile he gave her is. Y/N knows him all too well, even when they were no longer together. She knows by that smile that there’s something on his mind, something he wants to say. But she doesn’t question it.

Harry is aching to ask her. To ask what happened between them, why she left him without a warning, why she had to break his heart the way she did.

It’s almost like she senses what he is thinking because she then suggests to him. “Want to go outside for a bit?” She gestures to the backyard with her head.

“Yeah, absolutely,” Harry breathes out. He almost cringes at how desperate he sounds. “Um, after you,” he says, gesturing his hand towards the door. She softly thanks him and Harry follows right behind her outside.

“So-”

“I-”

The pair speak simultaneously as they walk and they both laugh at it. “Sorry,” she says. Harry dismisses this. “No worries.”

“You look great, by the way,” she says. Harry smiles at her compliment. “Thank you. You look amazing too,” he returns the compliment. She blushes a bit before muttering a soft ‘thank you’ under her breath.

The cold air wraps around the two bodies that once knew each other’s intimately. The stars look brighter that night and Y/N takes a deep breath as she stares up at the sky. She doesn’t realise how Harry looks at the small breath she let out, or how he admires her side profile like he used to when she sleeps. He stares at her for a bit more, like he’s remembering again what she looks like, before averting his eyes to the night sky.

“Saw you had a date back there. Someone special I assume?” She asks out of the blue. Harry freezes in his place. “Y-Yeah, she is,” he blurts out and clears his throat. “My fiancée, actually,” he says and he looks at her to see her reaction.

Y/N is surprised at first, feeling her whole body tense up before she relaxes. But Harry catches it. “That’s great. Congratulations, Harry,” she smiles at him before turning back the stars. She promises she is genuine about it. But maybe she’s just telling herself that. “How long have you both been together?”

“Nearly a year now,” he says. Y/N lets his answer sink in her head. A year, she thought. We were together longer than that for you to propo-

“Seems like a short time, huh?” She jokes, but Harry only gives a small smile. “Is it though? Too soon to ask if we’re both ready?” He says, as if he’s mocking her and something. And that sent a shard through her chest. Harry curses at himself, he shouldn’t be saying things like that despite them not being together anymore. She looks down at the ground like it was suddenly the most interesting thing and shakes her head.

“I’m sorry, Harry,” she apologises. Harry is quick to shake his head at her. “No, no. I’m sorry for how I said it. You did nothing,” he says. Y/N is silent for a bit before saying back to him.

“No, really. I didn’t mean to make things weird or uncomfortable between us. I’m just.. Sorry,” she says.

“How are you, Y/N?” He asks genuinely. Y/N is confused at first, wondering why he is asking the same question again. “I already told you, Harry. I’m alri-,”

“I mean, how actually are you?”

She turns to him, seeing as Harry is already looking at her with a solemn expression. “You don’t have to lie to me,” he says softly, almost sounding like he doesn’t want to scare her. And she knows what he meant and what he wants to know.

Y/N suddenly feels a lump forming in her throat and breathes in deeply. She clears her throat, hoping her voice doesn’t waver when she speaks. “I promise I’m okay, Harry. I just,” she sighs and closes her eyes.

“I don’t know. I’ve been getting by on my own. Trying to work on myself, you know, since,” her words falter, but Harry knows what she means. Since she left him without an answer to one of the most important questions in life. He nods his head slightly even though she doesn’t see it.

He lets out a sigh as he looks up at the starry night. “You know, it’s… kind of surreal. Us being here I mean,” he says. Y/N looks at him again with confusion written all over her face. “I’ve been wondering where you’ve been. I called but you never seem to answer. I just wanted to see how’ve yeh been, you know?” He confesses, throwing this big weight out in the open.

Y/N has her head hung low, like a child being scolded for stealing the last cookie from the cookie jar. But she knows he means well. And she hates how not only she caused problems for herself, but the person she once loved.

“I just… I miss my best friend, Y/N. I miss having her around,” he says, and he doesn’t realise how his words hit her like a truck. She breathes in sharply, feeling a slight pain in her throat. “And you don’t think I felt the same way then?” She asks softly, her voice already wavering.

Harry shakes his head. “No, love, I didn’t mean it like that. I’m sorry,” He’s quick to apologise but she dismisses it while ignoring the fact that he called her a very familiar pet name he used to use on her. “It’s fine,” she says, and her voice is almost quiet enough for you to not hear her.

“It’s just,” she breathes out and she looks up hoping that tears won’t escape her eyes. “I wanted to let you in. I could’ve answered the phone. But I didn’t. I know how bad I left things between us, H.” Harry’s heart jumped a bit at hearing her say ‘H’ again. She used to always call him that. It still sounds lovely as it leaves her lips.

“I wish I could’ve told you why I left you kneeling with the ring still in your hand. I couldn’t, though. Maybe I wasn’t ready that time, or never was.” It hurts for her to say this because she has imagined spending the rest of her life with him countless times. “I’ve had this constant battle in my mind for so long. I thought that maybe if I ignore it, it’d be like it never was there and we’d be alright. But it got worse and I couldn’t ignore it anymore. I held it on for so long and I couldn’t say anything because I knew I’d somehow ruin everything. Well, I did in the end.” And she feels tears streaming down her face.

Harry feels his tears escaping his eyes too, but doesn’t make the effort to wipe them away. As if he’s paralyzed in where he stands. “A-And, what happened after that?” he asks ever so gently.

Y/N wipes her tears away and takes a deep breath before continuing the sad story they’re on. “I lived with it and the thoughts consumed my mind. S-Sometimes, they can get dark.” She confesses but not all at once. She won’t tell him how she felt herself crumbling down and how her mother found her unconscious in the bathroom, overdosing on some pills she found. She won’t tell him how hard she cried in her hospital bed over the pain she was in. It felt like a shard puncturing through Harry’s heart. The fact that she had been struggling all this while and he never noticed it, it kills him.

“Then, one day, I just decided to find help. I knew I needed help. And I’ve been having sessions with a psychiatrist for a few months now.” And she smiles through her tears. “I’ve been working a lot on myself, been on medication and all. Then, maybe one day, when I feel ready for it, I’d come find you, apologise for the problems I caused between us. Didn’t think it’d be tonight, though.” She jokes and hangs her head low again, like she’s scared to see what Harry thinks of her now. Just a girl who’s sick in the head.

There is an uncomfortable silence between them and Harry speaks up again. “You infuriate me sometimes, you know?” Y/N looks at him and his eyebrows are pressed together like he’s mad. She is once again confused at what he meant. “I would’ve listened. I would’ve helped you. I would’ve,” he pauses and runs his fingers through his brown curls, taking a breather so he won’t actually lose his temper. But for Y/N, it’s like she wanted him to scream at her. Yell at her for leaving him behind for her own selfish needs.

“I would’ve looked after you,” he says softly, and it’s heartbreaking to hear the pain in his voice. “I didn’t want to burden you, H. I wouldn’t do that to you,” she says gently and Harry shakes his head at her. “Is that what you thought? That you’d burden me?” She only shrugs at him with a sad smile.

“I heard it before.” She says, and it makes Harry furious that anyone would toss aside the state of her mental health. “It’s not because of your job, Harry. Or your fans,” she assures him. “I didn’t want to overwhelm you with what I’ve been going through. You deserve someone who isn’t as fucked in the head as I am,” she says.

Harry now has tears running down his cheeks. He now wishes he could go back and actually pay more attention to her, instead of being ignorant to it. He remembers when she left, the neighbourhood had quite a bit to say about the rejection, particularly on her. They often talked about how insane she was to deny his proposal because marriage is what every woman needs, right? Granted, he told them off not to speak about Y/N so poorly ever again, but he still wishes he could’ve seen the signs when it got worse for her.

Now, she stands in front of him, and it might be wrong to admit this, but she still looks just as beautiful as the day he lost her. Her eyes still have the same shine and her smile still has the same warmth to it. He lets out a small laugh. “This is not how I actually planned to spend my New Year’s eve,” he says jokingly and they both laugh, almost like the entire sad conversation did not occur. “I know,” she says, smiling at him. She doesn’t realise how her words took him back to when they would get drunk on wine while watching romantic comedies together on their couch.

“This is quite an interesting relationship you and I have,” he says smiling as he looks up at the starry night. She smiles at him too before doing the same. It’s the comfortable silence filling the gaps between them now. Just two people under the stars, one has it all figured out while the other has champagne problems.

She looks back at the building, gold lights still shining as people are getting drunk and ready for the countdown. “You should probably go back to your fiancée, H,” she says. Harry sighs as their time together has come to an end and nods. “Um, it was really great seeing you, Harry,” she says as her feet fidgets against the ground. She feels like a teenager talking to her crush again.

Before he even thinks, Harry has his hand up, brushing off the piece of hair of face, and his thumb lightly brushes over her cheeks a bit. “You too, Y/N,” he says, and he means it. Y/N feels her face warm up, before nodding her head at him and leaving. “Where’re yeh going?” He calls out to her. Without looking back, she calls back to him. “Home!”

He only looks at her leaving for a moment before calling out to her again. “Y/N, wait!”

Y/N stops in her tracks and looks back at him. “Um,” he fumbles on his words. “If I call you, not tonight, or tomorrow, just if any day after this, because we’re on good terms, uh,” he blurts out his words as she watches him, amused by what he wants to ask. “If I call, will you answer? Like I said before, I miss my best friend,” he shrugs and has almost a pleading look. Y/N’s heart melts at him and she smiles.

“I will, H,”

❊

Since their last meeting, a lot of things have been on his mind and one of them was Y/N. He hasn’t been able to stop thinking about her and the conversation they had. He knew now that it must’ve taken a lot of bravery to speak up about what she was going through. And he was proud of her. He really was.

He has been thinking about calling her for a while. He just doesn’t know what he’ll say. He wants to know how she’s feeling even though he’ll never know what it felt like for her to go through the dark times she went. But he could try to understand. He owes her that, at least. He spends some of his time off reading about mental health issues and educating himself more now.

Talia wanted to start planning their wedding, which makes Harry fill up his schedule more between wedding plans and music plans. He tries his best to accommodate whatever Talia wants for their special day. Though, sometimes he finds himself not focusing on the shades of white she suggested for her dress.

Sometimes, Talia would get mad at him for not prioritizing their wedding, seemingly as it was a very important thing for them, well, more for her. She gets mad at him for not focusing on their plans instead of hiding in his studio. She once told him to get his act together because if he wasn’t serious about this, he never would have asked her to marry him. That knocked a nail on the head as she stormed out of the room after another small argument.

Part of him thinks it's the thought of marriage finally sinking in his head. He has the girl, he got a ‘yes’, it should be as exciting as when he asked her. But he finds himself in and out of planning, always reverting his focus back to music, like he’s stalling. He still hasn’t told Talia about Y/N, but there was no need to since he’s with her and not Y/N. When Talia asked about his slightly red eyes at the party, he lied and said something was in his eyes. She believed it, of course.

Now, he’s thinking back to the situation with Talia. He admits he hadn't been paying attention to her as much as he should or helping out with their wedding. But her words now stuck with him. If he wasn’t serious about marrying Talia, he wouldn’t have asked her. He tells himself that he really does love her and he knows she loves him. So why is he hesitating almost at the thought of marriage? Why does it feel like he’s leading her on? He was so sure he wanted her. Unless he only asked her for the hell of it and to not be lonely.

He sits quietly in his little studio with his thoughts as his company. What is he really doing? He really doesn’t know.

❊

She’s laying down on her sofa, staring up at the ceiling again. She does this a lot, having nothing much to do at home other than rereading the books on her shelf or following a recipe for a delicious meal. Instead, she lays down staring at the blank ceiling thinking of how her life went. And in the state of all nothingness, she thinks of him.

Meeting Harry again opened up a whole jar of emotions she kept hidden. It was no doubt that she still cared for him. She was still in love with him and if they were in another universe, she’d tell him that. She’ll do whatever it takes to make it up to him, for causing so much hurt to him. But she couldn’t. He belongs to someone else now. Someone who is more worthy of his love and time. And she’s happy for him, genuinely she is.

As she thinks about him, she recalls back to the days before it all went wrong. She remembers being scared. She had found his mother’s ring in between his clothes as she was putting away their laundry. She remembers being terrified of the commitment Harry was in. She knew for certain that he would ask her sooner or later. But for her, she still doesn’t know. She wants to marry him, but is she ready for it? Is she worthy of him devoting his love and time to her for the rest of his life?

That’s when the doubts came in. She was always battling the thoughts in her head more often after finding out that he might propose to her. She keeps a disguise up, pretending she’s not screaming for help or suffering, hoping that maybe it’ll go away and when he asks, she’ll say the answer he wants to hear. But she didn’t keep the disguise up for long.

When they arrived at Harry’s family home, she was overwhelmed. She saw the bottle of expensive champagne on the kitchen table. Their friends were there too. She was told they were just having a family gathering along with their friends, but she knew what was about to happen.

Nothing could prepare her for when Harry pulled her out the backyard, kneeling down in front of her with his mother’s ring in hand. She could still remember the look on his face, so bright and in love, then having to see it all disappear and his expression drop. He was speechless, so speechless that it took him a minute to snap out of it and run after her as she exited the house. She passed by the living room and had a glance of how everyone was rather to celebrate; no applause or cheers of congratulations were made.

She felt a lot of things that day. Pain, embarrassment, guilt, regret.

Now, a year later, she likes to think she’s doing better, not only for her family or Harry, but for myself. It’s safe to say it was going well for her, she definitely felt better. That dark part of her life was always going to be a part of her, but she was glad she did something about it.

She had struggled a lot before asking for help. She always had trouble sleeping and always felt herself drained to the core. She took some sleeping pills in hopes to feel better. Until one day, she just decided to down the whole bottle like she was downing a bottle of alcohol. She was lucky enough that her mother was around when she found her, her father too was quick enough to call an ambulance. It was too hazy for her to remember precisely what happened after. When she got admitted, she cried to her mother of how much pain she was in, and it killed her. She thinks of how selfish and stupid it was for her to do something like that. That’s when she decided she needed help, like really needed help.

It’s funny how life works sometimes. A few months ago, she was found nearly dead. She has been recovering now. It took a while to open up during her psychiatry sessions and her mother monitored her to make sure she was doing alright. She lives alone now, but still has her mother check up on her. She didn’t find it annoying, in fact she asked her mother to watch over her a bit because she doesn’t trust herself.

She’s healthier now, keeping herself busy to reflect and work on herself. And it did cross her mind a few times before to find Harry, to maybe apologise to him. But she thought that perhaps he didn’t want anything to do with her anymore. And that’s okay for her. Plus, she always hoped that he would find someone else that’ll love him just as much as she did him.

He hasn’t contacted her since they last met and she wonders whether he’s scared of doing so. Then again, she hasn’t made the effort to contact him too. Maybe they’re both scared.

She was about to get up and make herself some coffee after feeling a bit thirsty. She takes out a mug and sets it on the counter before she hears a knock on her door. She freezes in her place, her face scrunches up in confusion. She doesn’t remember having anyone making plans to come by. She hasn’t contacted her friends in a while and her parents would have told her that they would visit.

Knocks on her door snaps her out of her trance as she realises she is still in the kitchen. She slowly walks up to the door and looks through the peephole. To her surprise, she sees Harry standing right before her door. She pulls herself back from the door and thinks for a moment. How did he know where she lived now? Why is he here when he could have just called her?

Realising that he’s probably waiting outside for too long, she takes deep breaths and opens the door. There he is. Standing in his usual white t-shirt where you could see his tattoos through it, his black joggers hugging his muscular legs with some sneakers on his feet. His hair is a bit disheveled and she could imagine him running his fingers through it in a nervous and stressful manner.

“Hi,” he says breathily. His expression is somewhat hopeful, she thinks. “Hey,” she replies, giving a small smile. He’s fidgeting on his feet, something she knows he does when he’s nervous. So why is he nervous? She’s trying to come up with different theories in her head.

“Um, may I come in?” Harry asks. Y/N snaps out of her thoughts again and nods quickly, opening the door wider for him to walk through, hearing him mumbling a small ‘thanks’ under his breath. Harry looks around the small new apartment she now lives in, smiling at how it is very much her character the way she put things together.

She locks the door behind her and clears her throat as she faces him. “Sorry for showing up out of the blue like this,” he apologises. She only smiles and shakes her head. “No, no worries. I was just... wondering how you found where I live. I don’t think I ever told you that,” she says questionably.

The corner of his lips lift up just slightly. “Your mother, actually,” he says. She rolls her eyes playfully at this and lets out a small laugh. Of course, her mother would let him know where she lived. Her parents always loved Harry and treated him as family. Even when they fell apart, they still cared about him. After all, he was one of the only good things in her life that she cherished.

“Of course, she would. She still loves you for all I know,” she says with a sheepish smile. Harry throws his back in laughter and it makes her smile even more. “Well, I guess I might have to visit them again some time,” he says, smiling cheekily at her.

For a moment, it feels like everything was normal between them.

She shakes her head at him as she plays with her fingers, something he knows she does when she is nervous. “Um, I guess you’re here to talk about something else?” She asks, and she sees how his smile falters just a bit. “Yeah, actually,” he mumbles under his breath, but she hears him.

She nods with a tight smile on her face, seemingly trying to mask her anxiousness behind it. “Okay. Uh, just, make yourself comfortable. I’ll get you a glass of water,” she says, hurrying off to the kitchen before Harry could say anything. She sets a glass down and gets a jug of water. Her hands are shaking just a bit and she tells herself to calm down. It’s just Harry, she thinks. Whatever he wants to say couldn’t be that bad. Right?

She comes back to the living room where Harry is. He hasn’t sat down on the couch, instead he’s just standing in the middle of the room, looking around and admiring the little touches she put like the indoor plants and the paintings on the wall. She gently sets the glass down on the coffee table, the glass making a ‘clink’ sound on the surface. Harry turns around to face her and smiles, his little dimple making an appearance on the corner of his lips. She smiles back at him before clearing her throat.

“You had something you wanna say?” She asks, fiddling with her fingers. Harry nods slightly. “Yeah, I do. Um,” he begins as he rubs the back of his neck lightly.

“I’ve been thinking a lot about what I want to say, been practicing the words in my head. So, I’m sorry if it ends up a mess,” he says, letting out a small laugh. She laughs a bit with him too. Nodding as she gestures for him to continue, he breathes in deeply before letting his words out.

“After we met last time, I, uh,” he begins and she swears she could hear how loud and fast her heart is beating. “I’ve just been reflecting on how we left things off. And I promise I meant to call you sooner, but I just didn’t know what I’d say that won’t make things weird and awkward,” he stops to look at her for a moment and the expression on his face is almost so familiar to her.

“When you told me your story, I felt a lot of things. I felt… upset and angry that I couldn’t read the signs that were so evidently there. I thought maybe I realised it sooner, or tried harder to help, I could’ve helped you and you wouldn’t have felt to have gone through it alone. I hated how you were alone in this and how you helped like you couldn’t talk to me about,” His breaths are shaky, like he might break any minute. She wants to caress his face so badly, comfort him, but she knows it wouldn’t be appropriate. He’s still engaged to someone else after all.

She looks down at her floor, taking a gulp in her throat. “Harry, what are you saying?” She asks ever so softly.

“I’m saying that… you don’t have to go through it alone, darling. I’m saying that I wanna be there for you now. Albeit it has been months, but,” he pauses to take a breath. “If you give me a chance, to let me in, I promise to always be there for you and to be by your side all the time. Whenever you need me.”

Y/N takes a moment to process what he had just said, shaking her head at him. “Harry, I,” she takes in a sharp breath. “I don’t think you need to do that.” Harry’s face scrunches up in confusion. “Why not?”

“I just, I don’t want to burden you. I’ve already made it hard for my parents enough,” she says, trying to convince him even though all she wants is for him to be by her side. He shakes his head, chuckling a bit. “You’ll never be a burden to me, love. I want to be there for you always. It’s my choice to do this,”

“What about your fiancée? What’s she gonna think about her fiancé or husband soon when he’s out there looking after some girl, Harry?”

“You’re not just some girl, Y/N. You’re my best friend. And I,” he pauses in his words again and takes a deep breath. “What?” She asks nervously.

The corner of his lips lift up just slightly and his expression almost looks guilty. “And I’m in love with you,” he says and that’s when she feels that her heart stops. He loves me, she thinks. All the time, she thinks the feelings would have gone away but here he is, in her living room, telling her he’s in love with her.

“No,” she says. Harry is surprised by her response. “No?” He repeats.

“You’re not in love with me anymore, Harry,” she says, almost like she’s trying to convince herself that. “Yes, I am, love. I’m still in love with you, even after all this time,” he says desperately to her.

“Don’t do this to me, Harry. It’s not funny,” she says as her voice starts to waver. “It’s not fair to your fiancée for you to say this.” It’s funny to her how she still doesn’t know her name, but maybe she doesn’t know hers either. Harry steps closer to her and his heart breaks a little when she steps back.

“Darling,”

“Don’t, Harry! Please,” she practically begs him. “Just go back to her. It’s been a good talk and it’s good to see you again but you have to leave,”

“I don’t want to leave you, Y/N,” he says and it’s surprising how calm he is at this moment.

“Harry, I,”

“I’m not engaged anymore,” he says, cutting her off. She stares at him in shock and disbelief. “What do you mean?” She asks. He sighs as he runs his fingers through his hair. “I broke it off with Talia. There won’t be any wedding,” he confesses.

“So what? You broke up with her just to look out for me? Are you insane!?” She exclaims. She doesn’t want to believe that he broke up with her because of her. She thinks back if she would’ve hid from him during the party, he’d still be in a happy relationship with Talia with no problems. Once again, she’s thinking it’s all her fault.

“I’m as sane as I can be,” He says, raising his voice slightly to match her tone. She shakes her head, paces in her place, muttering ‘no’s to herself. “Darling, look at me,” Harry says gently as he steps closer to her. “No, this isn’t happening,” She’s now muttering words to herself and it breaks him even more to think she might think this is her fault when it’s not.

“Look at me, Y/N,” he says as he tries to get her to look at him, but to no avail, she keeps her eyes away from him. “No, Harry. We can’t,” she says and she realises now how tears are starting to fall from her eyes. “Yes, we can, darling! Just listen to me,” he tries to convince her.

“You belong with Talia, Harry! Someone who has her life put together, a-and, someone who’s not fucked in the head as I am! She’ll make you happy!” She tells him, almost trying to convince him to go back and fix his relationship.

“She won’t make me as happy as I was with you. It wouldn’t be fair to her,” Harry says to her as he tries to cup her face and wipe her tears. “What wouldn’t be fair to her? Huh?”

“It wouldn’t be fair to lead her on when I’m in love with you!”

And then, everything stops. Silence fills the room and all you could hear are the heavy breaths between them. Harry runs his hand over his face before speaking again. “I tell myself that I’ll be able to love again after you. But the love I’ll have for any other will never amount to the love I have for you. It wouldn’t be fair to move on with Talia when all I could think about is you. When I know I’ll always be madly in love with you,” he tells her, his voice wavering with every word he says.

She breathes in shakily, feeling the painful lump in throat. “Maybe if we hadn’t met that night, you wouldn’t have to think like that,” she says so softly under her breath, like she was ashamed. She looks down like a child being scolded by a parent.

She hears him stepping closer to her and this time, she doesn’t step back away from him. She feels his hand under her chin, lifting her head up so she has no choice but to look at her. His forest-green eyes, ever so beautiful, are glossy with the tears he holds. “I wish you’d stop thinking that this is your fault when it’s not, darling,” he says gently to her.

She realises how close their faces are together, feeling his breath hitting her face as they stare at each other with the same look. She sees it in his eyes. Love. And maybe it’s because she’s emotionally exhausted or she realises how there is still love in his eyes for her and only her.

She gently yet hesitantly puts her hand on his cheek, seeing as how he leans into her touch with his eyes closed, as if he misses her touch all this time. She doesn’t waste another second before pulling his face closer and letting their lips crash against each other. Harry is quick enough to reciprocate the action. His hand that is not on her hand wraps itself around her torso so move her closer to her. All he wants is to be close to her.

She whimpers into the kiss as she feels tears streaming down her face again. She misses this. She misses his kisses, how soft and plump his lips feel against hers and how they taste. She misses the way he pulls her closer to him because he doesn’t want any space in between them. She misses him.

They don’t know long they have been kissing until they break apart to catch their breath. She feels dizzy after the kiss while he feels like he’s on cloud nine. Their lips still brush against each other and Harry pecks her lips softly as she whimpers at the action.

“I love you,” she finally tells him. And it feels so good to say it again to him. Harry sighs shakily, almost in disbelief that she said those three words, and his lips break out into the biggest smile. “Really?” He asks. She giggles as her hands cup his face.

Harry sighs and leans his head back with his eyes closed, looking so bliss in the moment. “I’m sorry. Can you say that again? I wasn’t paying attention,” he says teasingly with a smug smile on his face. Y/N gasps and playfully punches his shoulder a bit, making him laugh.

“I love you, you handsome idiot,” she says laughing at him. Harry shakes his head with a wide stupid grin on his face. He rests his forehead on hers, their noses brushing against each other’s. “Again, please. Just so I know I’m not dreaming this,” he says, his eyes closed as he savours in the moment.

She grabs his face in her hands and pulls him away so she could look at him. He notes how soft yet small her hands felt as caresses his face. “I love you,” she says again, more gently but having more love and passion in her words. And she loves saying it because she does.

She has always loved him and always will love him. Her beats for him as his does for her. Her thoughts are filled with nothing but him. Looking at him now, he feels just as lovely and beautiful as the days they were together before. She knows that she’ll never love another as much as she loves him. She’ll fully admit that she is crazy, stupidly, madly and truly in love with him.

Harry smiles ever so lovingly at her as his large hands cup her face. At this moment, it feels right, like they belong together. Despite the odds and struggles she had to go through, he promises to never leave her side, to always be around, to always be the shoulder she needed to cry on, to lend her his arms to give her the warmth and comfort she deserves. And he admits that he is truly, madly and deeply in love with her too.

“I love you too,” he says as he brings their faces closer to each other, enclosing the gap between their lips again. He misses the way her lips gelt and how sweet they taste against his. He swears he’ll never get tired of loving her. Their lips move against each other slowly and gently as they try to savour in the moment. A moment that just felt right to them. For a moment, her champagne problems are forgotten, even though it’s still something that will always be a part of her.

They part away soon after, now staring into the eyes they fell in love with. Their smiles are permanently inked on their faces as the two lovers look at each other with the only things they have on their mind that will get them through.

Love and hope.

And somehow, that was everything.

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