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gdelgiproducer · 6 years ago

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DOTV AU: An Exercise in Alternate History (Part VII)

Parts I, II, III, IV, V, and VI offer more detailed context. (To briefly sum up why these posts are happening: alt history – as in sci fi, not “alternative facts” – buff, one day got the idea that DOTV could have turned out hella different if Jim Steinman looked for a star lead in other places, decided to reason out how that might work.) This is still getting a good response, so I’m gonna keep the train rolling.

Parts of the AU timeline established so far:

Instead of stopping at recording two songs from Whistle Down the Wind on a greatest hits compilation, Meat Loaf wound up taking more of an interest in Steinman’s new theater work than he did in our timeline, and through a series of circumstances found himself volunteering to play Krolock in the impending DOTV when Jim poured out his woes to him about needing to find some sort of star to attract investors. At a loss for any better ideas, Jim accepted Meat’s impulsive proposal, but not without resistance from his manager, David Sonenberg, who proposed Michael Crawford as an alternate candidate. Through quick thinking on Meat’s part, and inspiration on Jim’s, Crawford left the room accepting an entirely different role than he walked in hoping to get, leaving Krolock still open for Meat.

There was a brief speed bump, when Meat disliked Jim’s English script for the show, but after meeting with the original German author Michael Kunze and convincing Jim to compromise, things were on the road to being back on track… at least until 9/11 occurred.

Following a brief hiatus, everyone involved met to re-assess their options. The current game-plan was to put the new script on paper, schmooze with potential investors or producers, and put together a new creative team. Preferably not all at the same time, but with the crunch on, they’d do whatever needed to be done.

So far, the schmoozing has gone well, but everybody that Meat, Jim, and the crew would like to be involved is tentative. The newest conclusion is that they need to show them there’s a working show, and a concert of selections from the score seems to be the route they’re taking, possibly financed by an unlikely source.

Continuing the alternate DOTV timeline, a little differently this time! This time we get a feature on the concert from the New York Post’s own Michael Riedel. Take it away!

VAMPIRES: NEW MUSICAL BLOOD by Michael Riedel

If you’ve heard the buzz on the Rialto of late, you’d be forgiven for wondering if you were having a particularly nasty acid flashback. Dance of the Vampires, a new $15 million musical of the macabre based on the 1967 Roman Polanski movie The Fearless Vampire Killers, is already a monster hit in Austria and Germany, and it’s starting to gather steam here in the States as well, with some... we’ll call it unlikely... star power attached. After all, what other musical (even in a preliminary concert presentation) can boast Courtney Love as an emcee slash investor, and such disparate names as Meat Loaf and Michael Crawford as co-headliners?

Admittedly, Meat Loaf’s presence is slightly less surprising, as the driving force behind the show is Jim Steinman, who wrote Mr. Loaf’s classic Bat Out of Hell albums as well as the lyrics for Andrew Lloyd Webber’s Whistle Down the Wind. He has written the score and is co-adapting the book for Vampires with playwright David Ives (All in the Timing), who is also currently at work with Steinman for Warner Bros. on a musical version of Batman, from German dramatist Michael Kunze’s original script. He also co-directed this concert with Starmites composer Barry Keating, though early reports that Steinman would be co-directing the eventual Broadway run with Jane Eyre creator John Caird have ultimately been dismissed.

“Roman directed it in Vienna, but he can’t work here because of his legal problems,” Steinman said, referring to Polanski’s indictment for statutory rape in the 1970′s. “He may be the first director who can’t work over here because of a statutory rape charge.” When queried about who then would be directing the New York run, Steinman was tight-lipped, but among those in attendance at the evening’s proceedings was Urinetown’s Tony-winning helmer, John Rando, who is now rumored to be in talks for the slot. Said Rando of the new show, “It takes the vampire myth and pokes fun at it, but it also embraces it. Its message is about the excesses of appetite. It has wit and an edge to it. I’d love to be involved!”

The presentation (at the 499-seat Little Shubert Theatre, about half a mile west of Broadway; events like this cause us rightfully to wonder why it doesn’t see more use) for a by-invitation-only crowd was kicked off by Ms. Love, Hole rocker and widow of Nirvana frontman Kurt Cobain, in memorable form. Says a source in attendance, “You could sum it up in two words: too drunk. She was literally falling over. She wasn’t coherent at all.” Managing to gather herself enough to announce that Dance of the Vampires is a musical for people “who think musicals suck,” she didn’t manage to say much else of importance. “It just became a little too sloppy, and she was removed.” Insiders report that Steinman’s manager, David Sonenberg, who is also one of the show’s producers (and a first-timer at that), worried that those involved would be seen as taking advantage of a troubled addict. Ms. Love’s performance did little to dispel this perception. Lucky that representatives from noted L.A.-based promoter Concerts West, major music manager Irving Azoff (who numbers The Eagles, REO Speedwagon, Journey, Christina Aguilera, and Sammy Hagar among his clients), film and music mogul Jerry Weintraub, and Broadway’s own Barry and Fran Weissler were in attendance; a cash infusion from such sources may well be needed to save face if she can’t “live through this,” to twist a phrase from her 1994 album of the same name.

In addition to Sonenberg, already attached to Vampires on the producing side are Andrew Braunsberg (another first-timer, who also produced Polanski’s 1971 film version of Macbeth), Leonard Soloway, Bob Boyett (Sweet Smell of Success, Topdog/Underdog), Lawrence Horowitz (Electra, It Ain’t Nothing But the Blues), and Barry Diller and Bill Haber’s USA Ostar Theatricals. Boyett, a TV producer turned legit entrepreneur, used the phrases “trial by fire” and “going to war,” perhaps because while some novice producers just put up the money, get the credit and run, Boyett says he’s been taking the process very seriously: “I went to all the meetings and learned, like it was grad school.” While some Hollywood types find Broadway “less cutthroat,” Boyett finds it “more restrictive.” He mentions the sheer physical space of the theaters but also all the rules and regulations: "I’ve dealt with unions all my life, but I do find Actors’ Equity is very restrictive to the creative process.” Further, he regrets that Vampires will not have an out-of-town tryout. “I loved the experience of taking Sweet Smell of Success to Chicago,” he says with real enthusiasm, as if the project ended happily. “It was helpful to have the critics say what they did.” Not that Boyett thinks the right message from the critics got to the creative team.

As for Boyett’s teammates, Bill Haber attended on behalf of USA Ostar, and although he wouldn’t consent to a formal interview, he couldn’t resist answering one question -- and it has nothing to do with Dance of the Vampires. Why is Haber’s other fall production, Imaginary Friends by Nora Ephron, being called a play if it has six songs by Marvin Hamlisch and Craig Carnelia? “It has nothing to do with how many songs there are,” he shot back. “It has to do with the fact that if you took all the songs out, it still works and you still have a play.”

And all this before we even get to the show itself. Vampires is your typical erotic musical about an innocent girl (played this evening by impressive newcomer Mandy Gonzalez, currently standing by for the role of Amneris in Aida and late of Off-Broadway’s Eli’s Comin’) choosing between two lovers, in this case an older, aristocratic vampire (Loaf, whose appearance here marks the first time he has worked with Steinman in theater since the early Seventies) and a hunky young grad student (Max von Essen, who reportedly also appeared in the Steinman/Caird-helmed reading in April 2001) under the tutelage of a rather intensely wacky vampire hunter (Crawford). Given the level of Loaf’s obvious commitment to the piece, it is surprising that his manager (Allen Kovac, of Left Bank Management) was a no-show, and in that light, rumors that Loaf has yet to formally sign on the dotted line for Vampires (in spite of previous announcements to the contrary, no less) prove even more curious. Calls to Kovac’s office were not returned. The rest of the cast, boasting some fine voices indeed, was filled out by assorted Broadway names and members of Meat Loaf’s long-time touring band, The Neverland Express, which also provided accompaniment for the evening under the crisp musical direction of veteran rock bassist Kasim Sulton (best known for his work with Todd Rundgren and Utopia, among others).

Speaking of the music: the score, as per Steinman’s usual style, is appropriately big and Wagnerian, with plenty of luscious, operatic melodies, including one familiar favorite that sticks out like a sore thumb: Steinman’s famous “Total Eclipse of the Heart,” under whose operatic pretensions I swooned as a teenager. “I couldn’t resist using it,” he says of a song that goes, ‘Once upon time there was light in my life / But now there’s only love in the dark.’ “I actually wrote it for another vampire musical that was based on Nosferatu, but never got produced.” Close listening to the CD sampler for interested investors also reveals a rehash of the vigorous “Tonight Is What It Means to Be Young,” his song for the film Streets of Fire, which I saw in Los Angeles in 1984 and sent me racing along Mulholland Drive to keep up with the propulsive beat.

As for the new stuff, maybe 50′s rock ‘n’ roll with a 70′s preen isn’t what the 80-year-olds who constitute Broadway’s audience want to hear (and Jim’s rock-mock-Wagnerian shtick admittedly tends to play better in London and Las Vegas than in Manhattan), but my sources say they knew from the first number -- an angelic trio with a beguiling (what did they used to call it?) melody and some expert (the Andrews Sisters used to do it) harmony -- that this would be my kind of score. Frankly I’m glad; since the prehistoric vinyl days, Steinman has been the guy I keep calling for to rejuvenate, or just plain juvenate, the Broadway musical, in a world where the musical theater establishment pronounces old ABBA records a hip pop sound.

The book, while reportedly in better shape than the April reading, is something else again. From the excerpts on display last night, the mix of bawdy humor and eroticism still needs fine-tuning. Says Sonenberg, “By the time we open, it will be a new version of the show, significantly changed with a view toward a New York audience, but right now it plays very much like the original in several respects.” Adds David Ives, “The German production is probably more faithful to the film, but it’s a fairly humorless show, with people getting hit on the head with salami. And I’ve been brought in to take out the salami and put in the chorus girls, without veering into camp in the process. Now it’s just a question of finding the balance, which, needless to say, isn’t easy. But I like what we’ve accomplished so far: Meat’s character is vastly different, a much more multifaceted, dynamic, complete figure. We’ve also made other changes and cuts and restructured the show into a book musical, with dialogue; the original is all sung. I think we’ve made it a much more interesting story.”

Time, as always, will be the ultimate arbiter of fate.

#tanz der vampire #Taniec Wampirow #Vampyyrien tanssi #tanzblr #tanz network #tanz discourse #Dance of the Vampires #le bal des vampires #Vampirok Balja #Dans der Vampieren #vampiiride tants #vampiru no dansu #Jim Steinman #Roman Polanski #Michael Crawford #Michael Kunze #alternate universe #bal vampirov #meat loaf

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ruinedrainbowpooka · 7 years ago

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Rules: Answer 30 questions and tag 20 blogs you would like to get to know better (or don’t it’s up to you!) Tagged by @erincorvus like half a month ago. BUT I DIDN’T FORGET Nickname(s): Mary. I don’t really have any anymore. My mom and meme (pronounced me-me, not meh-may. It’s apparently a super southern us thing... which how a super northern new england child happened upon that is a mystery my family never solved) Gender: Agender Sign: Aires. I actually have all the rising and shit written somewhere. I was like... mid-learning how to decipher that when I got distracted. Eastern sign is water dog Height: 180 / 5′11 Time: 21:46 / 9:46 PM Fav band(s): Rhapsody/Rhapsody of Fire, Pulp, No Doubt (early stuff really), Blind Guardian, Nightwish, Blue Oyster Cult, Aerosmith, Queen, Journey, Ozzy, Styx, the Doors, CCR, Escala, and lots more Fav solo artist(s): Billy Joel, Meat Loaf, Madonna, Ella Fitzgerald, Billie Holiday, Utada Hikaru, Bon Jovi, Melissa Etheridge, Janis Joplin, Lindsey Stirling, and lots more Song stuck in my head: The Room Where It Happens, from Hamilton Last movie I saw: Does the bit of Independence Day that was on in the ER count? Ummm.... idk? Sing! Maybe? Last show I watched: Great British Baking Show When did I create my blog: ...August 10th, 2013?! Really?! I’ve been on this hellsite for 5 years? What do I post: Whatever. SPN, Kemetic stuff, real world shit, anything shiny that gets my attention, mcu, Mary and Raven Theatre, fic updates, animals, stupid shit. Whatever, really. Last thing I Googled: >_> Um. How to. look up when you made your tumblr. Before that was mouth problems cos wife is having problems. Do I have any other blogs: Nope. Do I get asks: Not really. I like getting them, even if sometimes my anxiety is just CANNOT ANSWER RN Why did I chose my URL: goddess name I used as a handle once and just kept using it. She’s a nature goddess and I found a connection to her. These days I tend to shorten it to Gyhl. Following: 259 blogs Followed by: 270 blogs Average hours of Sleep: 3 - 16 hours, depending on stage of bipolar, ptsd problems, etc etc etc. Lucky number: 4. Well. that’s my ocd tick number. Same thing, right? -_- Instruments: Clarinet (tho I prefer alto clarinet), sax (preference for tenor tho), flute. some violin, some piano. What I am wearing: a black babydoll tank top and a pair of undies. sexy, no? Actually, cos I’m hot and don’t feel like clothing. Dream job: published author, psychiatrist, symphony. In reverse order Dream trip: Journey around the world with stop overs in England, Ireland, France, Greece, Egypt, Japan, Australia, New Zealand. Fav food: My dudes, I’m a fat girl. Food is my favorite. Indian, Thai, homemade lasagne, ice cream, cake, stuff my mom taught me to make. Nationality: .....american. :/ Fav song: depends on my mood. Am I bouncy? The Room Where It Happens. Am I suicidal? Rock and Roll Dreams Come Through. Others include A Time For Us, Holding Out For A Hero (either Jennifer Saunders or Van Canto’s versions), Ballroom Blitz. Last book I read: The Cabin in the Woods. I’m in the middle of The Ring and Lemony Snicket’s The Austere Academy rn. Top 3 fictional universes I wanna join: Harry Potter, Elder Scrolls, Star Wars.... Star Trek (old trek, not nu!trek) is tied in there

I tag… @makethwoman, @fandomjunkie2004, @hobbitystmarymorstan, @aphnxrising , @hobosolo and anyone else who wants to

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toradh · 7 years ago

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Tagged by @rorotoz, my meme buddy

I slept for 8 hours, dozed for two more and am still exhausted as if a truck had run over me, so I guess I might as well do this for my maybe curious followers out there

Rules: Copy this post into a new text post, remove my answers, put in yours, and when you are done tag up to ten people and also tag the person who tagged you… And most importantly, have fun!

A - Age: next week I’ll be 29, so let’s say 29 B - Biggest fear: getting to the point where I can’t allow myself to draw or play videogames anymore because I don’t have money and/or time C - Current time: 3pm but considering the state of my brain, that probably won’t be true anymore once I’ve posted this D - Drink you last had: …I almost exclusively drink tap water E - Every day starts with: grudgingly getting up, and feeding myself and the cats breakfast F - Favorite song: I have too many! It also depends on mood. A few all time favourites are (without any specific order): The Piper Never Dies (Edguy), The Seven Angels+the Scarecrow (Avantasia), The Great Escape (Seventh Wonder), Bless the Child+Ghost Love Score (Nightwish), Im Ursprung der Schatten/Niemand, niemand anderem als dir (Samsas Traum), I’d Do Anything for Love (Meat Loaf), The Haunting+EdenEcho (Kamelot), Shatter Me (Lindsey Stirling), Rolling in the Deep (Adele), Alive (Sia), Which Witch (Florence + the Machine), Sæglopur (Sigur Rós), Defying Gravity (from Wicked) and actually quite a few more I’ll just randomly stop here My favourite songs to SING are How Far I’ll Go, Melodies of Life, and Sanctuary, although I suck at the latter. Ask me again for an excessive list of favourite bands, list of favourite songs PER BAND, and favourite songs from games and anime. Also I didn’t even go into instrumental music/soundtracks here. G - Ghosts, are they real?: why and how should they H- Hometown: Bochum. That’s the one where they play the German version of Starlight Express. You totally needed to know that. J - Jealous of: cats K - Killed someone: I’m too chicken too remove bugs and spiders from my flat while still alive, I’m sorry. Also I accidentally killed a bunch of baby mice together with the boy from next door when we were kids; we dug up the (large) compost pile in my dad’s garden and ripped the nest apart. Yes, on accident. I don’t even remember why we dug it up, we probably didn’t even think animals might live there. We tried to raise the babies with regular cow’s milk, which, of course, epically failed. Not that we’d had any better ideas at our age. We never, never dug up the compost pile EVER again, believe me. L - Last time you cried: …yesterday M - Middle name: don’t have one N - Number of siblings: 2 O - One wish: …a stable income that still allows me to indulge in regular doodling  P - Person you last called: I never call unless my life is directly threatened Q - Questions you’re always asked: “How are you?” AS ALWAYS FOR GOD’S SAKE R - Reasons to smile: cats not terrorising me, funny memes S - Song last sang: I don’t remember what I last sang along with but I’m actually refreshing Melodies of Life with my singing teacher T - Time you woke up: 10am, but I didn’t get up then. U - Underwear color: most days, black V - Vacation destination: I have little interest in travelling these days, but I’m pretty sure some places in Canada would be nice; or Mayan ruins, or Iceland. Once in winter, once in summer. W - Worst habit: Recognising what I’m doing wrong with my life but not doing anything about it because it’s not worth the effort. X - X-rays you’ve had: Er, a few? Don’t know. I’ve also been MRT’d, now that was weird. Y - Your favorite food: chocolate, icecream, fruit, especially berries. I also adore pears, but I can hardly eat more than one without getting a tummy ache. Also pumpkin pie. Z - Zodiac sign: Libra. Is this a good moment to tell you that I’m the worst libra ever, horoscopes never fit me, and then I get angry because they don’t fit me (my ascendant is cancer, which fits a bit better but still…)

 As usual, I’m too lazy to tag

#this is my tag meme tag now

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the-one-blog-to-rule-them-all · 7 years ago

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KRISTIAN LIVEBLOGS THE ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW: LET’S DO THE TIME WARP AGAIN 2016 MOVIE

don’t go in here if you stan for the actors bc i shit on them except for like two of them LMAO but not a bad experience all around

i'm gonna try hard not to be a bitch this whole time but my first thought on this is that it's too clean cut LMAO this bitch is talented at singing but i'm not interested in her perfection also i think it's cute intro bc of the posters of the movies also the aesthetic of the movie goers is good girl in the background looked like the ugly chick from crybaby..... hatchet face?? there's like SIX PEOPLE IN THIS THEATER but it's a nice theater she didn't turn her flashlight off lmfao @ them for thinking people would rly be that excited about this movie coming on SORRY I'M NOT BITCHING yo brad is mcFucking cute as hell "she said i do, now i'm doing" put that on my car if y'all don't run after my car like that .... smh yo brad is MCFUCKING CUTE it's those brown eyes i swear lol her struggling to get the glove off, that was cute once again the music is waaaay too polished that's gotta be frank under that cloak GRAVE IN THE BACK SAYS COTTON CAHTUN... THICK CLOUDS OF CAHTUN this funeral procession is following their ass everywhere wth THAS MY BOY!!! THAS TIM RIGHT THERE!!! the audience going wild for this part actually makes sense "life is pretty cheap to that type" good work on the line bitch.. u had a blowout?? i know that feel binch!!! i like their delivery in this scene it's so on the nose LMAO mood they're BOOKIN it to this house LMAO WASTE NO TIME WE GOTTA GO!!! EMO RIFF RAFF LARKGJLARJGKLAJER DOES HE HAVE STREAKS IN HIS HAIR wow his voice is killer tho he's putting his heart into that scene LMAO yo i'll say it again brad is way too cute holy fuck oh shit !! is the castle an old theater or something?? that's interesting okay lady in the bg who is that behind tim i'm not super into her presence and that scream LMAO Riff raff is me "yesh" riff raff is reall doing his best WOW BRAD IS CUTE that riff raff hair is killing me inside BLUE MOHAWK IS DOPE I LIKE HIM this is the most lifeless version of time warp i ever heard in my life this is a really diverse crowd tho which is neet columbias delivery on her part was really good tbh riff raff shredding on a guitar lmfao god brad is mcfucking cute "until IIII GET TO..... a phone" cute HERE COMES FRANK BOYS! laverne bitch you know i love you but this singing is so lifeless wtf is with everyones singing in this movie her dancing is great and facial expressions are great like she's putting life into the movements but the singing ain't shit "could we use ur phone?? :^))))" "antici................................................................................................................pation" i do like columbia she's got this really bored personality but she does it so well victoria justice was so cute right there LMFAO brad trying to GET INTO HIS SHOES i barked LMAO this scene is fun as hell laverne is enjoying the fuck out of it the snapping tho i don't get FROSTED TIP HAIR he looks like the guy from american horror story boxers..... ? i'm disappointed smh WOAH good jump rocky once again like the singing is lifeless LOL BRAD GONNA KARATE CHOP HIS ASS i'm thoroughly enjoying the comedy brad brings to this role "heh heh yes..." LMAO i loved the delivery laverne really is doing a good job except the singing part her delivery is enjoyable charles ATLAS SONG!!! DO ME GOOD PLS I BEG OF U that low laugh LMAO EDDDIIIIIEEEE aslright adam lambert is killing it as eddie he's putting a lot into the performance the weird sideburns are doing a lot for me on his face one thing i don't like about columbia is that she's lost the fun spirit she has in the original but i don't hate the big character change so i'll live LMAO GET HIM FRANK!!! BITCH !11 bye eddie the guy playing rocky is doing great playing stupid YESS SHE CHOKED THE "HOT" PART i appreciate it LMAO janet looking at rocky "going down" nice i like how much brad and janet ham up their lines LOL this scene is so cheesy they're having so much fun WHY DO THEY HAVE ROCKY IN THE SHITTY BASEMENT GOOD GOD rocky runs like me when i have to shit magenta is super cute god I wish that were Me.jpg because brad is so mfUCKING CUTE HES SO EXTRA I LOVE THE HAMMINESS aww poor rocky i always feel so bad for him rocky looking for camera lmao rocky is so lovably dumb WHAT WHY IS THIS A POP SONG LMFAO but i don't mind this song as much as i do the others bc i'm a pop bitch "congratulations janet" laverne this is a look GOD BRAD IS SO MCFUCKING CUTE "bread" is how she pronounces his name and it's amazing dr scott looks like a muppet with that hair the audience participation parts are taking me out of the movie so much magenta is MAD CUTE jesus christ it's the last supper MEAT LOAF AGAIN LMAO I LOVED THAT SCENE listen the awkward tone of dinner and the stopping of singing the song in the middle fucking gets my goat every time LOL BRAD LOOKING AT THE CAMERA rocky is me at dinner chowing down dr scott dancing in his chair to the song i always thought they said "when eddie said he didn't like his DADDY" whoops that's my bad i love dr scott in this omg BEST SONG BETTER DO IT RIGHT LAVERNE I SWEAR the little snap with "bell ring" was cute once again like she's killing it with character in the moves and face but i'm getting nothing from the singing ://// "MENTAL MIND GAME" WEAK WEAK WEAK WEAK WEAK LET FRANK N FURTER SAY FUCK YOU COWARDS that's the best part of the sONG even smiling makes my face ache ahhh the floor show omg best scene i've already seen this scene LOL but i'll express my disappointment with columbias outfit rn becasue it's sOOOOOO BORING LET COLUMBIA WEAR LINGERIE COWARDS but the singing in this whole scene is amazing rocky dances like me in my head BRADDDD INNNNN THE SEXY LOOK OMG THIS IS MY FAVE PART I SWEEEAR WE'VE GOT THE LEGGINGS AND THE TOP AND THE HEELS AND THE GLITTER AND THE GOLD AND SPARKLES WOAH I'M GOOD WITH IT AND THE DANCING AND SINGING KILLS IT BRAD FUCK IT UP JUST rewound it because i love it so much god damn so good even janet is great yo i swear this is the exact same fanfare from the og movie i'm not kidding i don't think they remade it i think it's the same one IT TOTALLY IS OMG that's cool awww man this is bummin me out bc tim curry makes me mad emotional in this scene with the song but her voice hasn't got the life in it actually... we're pickign up now and she's getting better but still hit the notes do it do it GET THE POWER aw FUCK YOU WEAK WHAT A LET DOWN LOL dr scott is a really great actor he's got such personality god i wish that were me.jpg my eyes are literally GLUED to brad who was that SNAZZY MAN the guy playing riff raff is really giving it all he's got and he's super killing it magenta is really me during this scene that columbia death was mad extra LMAO brad like bitch we gotta get the fuck out of here THEY DIDN'T LIKE ME, THEY NEVER LIKED ME yo dr scott is literally the best character omg oh brad you look so pretty they're wrecking this song whcih blows because it's like the PERFECT ending song and always gets me like "damn... what a tragic and wild story..... emotions now" ALRIGHT SO FINAL SYNOPSIS not horrible honestly like they had a lot of fun and it shows and they put a LOT into their acting and everything but the music is just boring as hell aside from a couple songs but not a regrettable hour and a half

#kristian liveblogs #god if this goes into the tag then everyone ignore it please #i'm not trying to start discourse thanks

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hostjohncameron · 8 years ago

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Orbiting Human Circus Season End review

This is a bit different from the last episode notes which is posted here or the bonus episode notes, but still contains some spoilers for the last narrative episode, this past week’s behind the scenes episode, and the season as a whole.

Oh, and at the end there’s a bit of an about me/about the blog since we’ve been with each other for seventeen plus weeks and I’ve largely done nothing mun related in that time.

Reactions

Oh my gosh, where to start? Well, focusing solely on my muse for a second, I am infinitely impressed with the depth John Cameron Mitchell imbues in his characters. The first role I ever heard him in was Hedwig where he easily does four separate voices just in the movie (Hedwig, Hedwig’s strong fake midwestern accent “What poor unfortunate creature had to die for you to wear that?”, the interviewer after the limo crash, the announcer for Krystal in the deleted scene. And the stage version adds in Hedwig’s mother, Tommy, Luther) and I was pretty immediately impressed with him.

This show was a pretty great place for John to show off some of his vocal talents (minus actually singing) because John Cameron has some very distinct nuisances to the way he speaks: from the old timey radio announcer voice he typically uses on air, to his more casual speaking voice, to the different still way of speaking he uses when talking to the head of the PBC…. Maybe next season, JCM will voice multiple characters like some of the other actors on the show. That would be fun.

The character? I was thrilled to see just how frustrated John Cameron was getting in the janitor from the trailer because as the janitor is the main character, ongoing conflict=ongoing reason to be in the narrative. The running characterization of being suicidal was surprisingly relatable. (Surprising in that in was in the show, not surprising that it was relatable….) Let’s see… being frustrated at Julian for constantly messing up the show was pretty understandable, I mean, you work hard on something, it’s always disappointing when it’s thrown off track by forces beyond your control. The only time I truly did not sympathize with him at all was when he put Julian into the hypnotist’s act without letting him know about it but then John Cameron was frozen for over a month so…. AND THEN Julian Koster came out and absolved John Cameron of even that.

The fact it was all ever in Julian’s head? Not completely surprising, tbh, but the way it was revealed was. Plus, I was still holding out hope it wasn’t. That said, the trope was pretty well done here and the inclusion of the audience becoming real (because the audience was us) was a really sweet way to tie it in.

Fun facts

Since I set this blog up from the moment casting was announced, I had decided that if Mr. Cameron hadn’t been given a name by the end of the first season, I would give him the first name of Mitchell. Because my sense of humour, is indeed, that lame. I was not expecting Mr. Cameron’s name to be 2/3s of JCM’s, but…surprises are good.

My original url was mr-cameron, which before this show started was only filed with posts about the British former prime minister David Cameron. (I think ours is a bit better than him, if I’m honest.)

I switched to this url November 11th, which was a few days after the third episode dropped. By coincidence, the third episode is one of my favourites from this season. (#7 being another. John Cameron being a drama queen is one of my favourite things, my poor stressed-out son…. also, JCM: volim te.)

All of the links on the far right side of the blog are in French (which you probably already knew.) The mod, Hansel, took French for three years in school and was oddly, ill-equipped to actually hand-translate these outside of “écoutez,” French for “[formal you] listen.” The three years of formal French did however semi-qualify me to know when the words sounded right. Or not. Hopefully I got it closer than attributing a Meat Loaf song to the legendary composer Cole Porter.

The sort of twin to this blog, in that she was also a highly anticipated character whose blog I had set up months in advance and debuted the week of October 23th, is @alltherichesyouvesurveyed. And though she belongs to a canon very near and dear to my heart, I had to learn a whole new way of characterizing my favourite character. Currently, she sits about seven followers behind where John Cameron is despite me actually accomplishing much less writing on her.

About the blogger:

My name is Hansel, which is something I borrowed from John Cameron Mitchell’s other project Hedwig and the Angry Inch. I was a professionally published television critic for three years, two of which saw major disruptions to my writing due to severe depression and what finally saw me axed was the depression over the loss of David Bowie in 2016. (Hey, I said it was an ‘about,’ I never said it was a ‘fun about’.)

I’ve been RPing on tumblr for over two years now. My first character was established as a way to write with a friend of mine, but the character I’ve had the longest and write on most consistently is Hedwig Robinson (@turnonthe8-track.) I like to think I’ve learned quite a bit about collaborative writing in that time as well as how to better answer muse-directed questions and how to establish characterization that’s both original, but feels close to the original text.

Before rping, I completed a number of unpublished novels and screenplays, some of which I still hope to actually get published. But the most current project I’m hoping to get off the ground would help trans people in my area find resources to express themselves as well as providing style consulting for people who may not have really had a chance to explore their sense of style before coming out (as well as providing a shopping buddy if the person is uncomfortable shopping in general/in certain shops.)

All of the characters I write and have ever written (or am currently planning) are on subroots from this page: http://turnonthe8-track.tumblr.com/muses. It needs to be updated from my most recent hiatus, but it’s fine.

I am very much looking forward to writing and developing John Cameron in the hiatus and hope all of you will help me in promoting this show during the off season. And of course, I hope all of you will be back with me/The OHC for wherever the cast and crew are planning to take us for season two, presumably starting again in the fall.

#🎙;; off air ⁽ᵒᵒᶜ⁾

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travelersguidetodisney · 5 years ago

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Everything You Need to Know About Disney World’s Star Wars: Galaxy’s Edge

Star Wars: Galaxy's Edge is probably the most anticipated opening of new attractions in both Disney World and Disneyland in decades. Though Galaxy's Edge in Disneyland has already opened, it will be revealed to the public at Disney World on August 29. With this very exciting grand opening comes a lot of information to the point it becomes overwhelming! Here is everything you need to know about Star Wars: Galaxy's Edge!

Here's Some Basic Information

Star Wars: Galaxy's Edge takes place in a village called Black Spire Outpost on the planet Batuu. The outpost is a pit stop for intergalactic personal of all types: traders, smugglers, adventurers, etc. It takes up an entirety of 14 acres at Disney's Hollywood Studios--there's a great view of the construction from Slinky Dog Dash in Toy Story Land! The Resistance also has a presence in Black Spire Outpost; they have taken refuge in an abandoned fortress on the edge of the land. You may even see some of your Star Wars favorites, like Rey, Finn, Poe, and BB8, get into run-ins with the First Order! There are two entrances into Star Wars: Galaxy's Edge. And according to D23, John Williams has even composed special music for the park. On top of that, at least 5,000 people have worked incredibly hard to make Star Wars: Galaxy's Edge a reality and for that, I, a Star Wars nerd, am eternally grateful.

Rides and Attractions

As a huge fan of Star Tours in Hollywood Studios, I've been super excited for the new rides in Galaxy's Edge. I got even more pumped after visiting Pandora: The World of Avatar seeing the technological advancement in Flight of Passage--which is an AMAZING ride, by the way. There are two new attractions in Star Wars: Galaxy's Edge. First, which is already open in Disneyland's Galaxy's Edge, is the Millennium Falcon: Smugglers Run. Groups of six will be placed into the cockpit of the "fastest hunk of junk in the galaxy," taking on roles as pilots, gunners, and engineers. Riders must be at least 38 inches tall. The ride vehicle will be tilting and jerking along to mimic the movements appearing on a curved screen. The whole plot of the attraction puts you in the middle of a Star Wars movie. Chewbacca is in Black Spire Outpost in search for supplies to aid the Resistance. He lends the Millennium Falcon to infamous pirate Hondo Ohnaka, who turns to you to help on smuggling runs. Entering Ohnaka Transport Solutions, you can overhear conversations that show that the daily workplace is in chaotic shambles. Already in Disneyland the queue of Millennium Falcon: Smugglers Run has received international acclaim. You will see some cool visual effects as you walk through Ohnaka Transport Solutions. Hondo is one of the most advanced animatronic created by Disney, only to be surpassed by the Shaman of the Songs in River Journey in Pandora. After Hondo explains your mission, you will step into the Millennium Falcon. You'll be issued a colored boarding pass so you can roam this amazing queue before your ride. You'll be walking through a complete replica of the Millennium Falcon that you'll only see in the Star Wars franchise. You'll come across the famous chest set, where Han and Leia first kissed. It is truly the heaven of Star Wars nerds! Now, when you're actually in the ride, there is no requirement to operate the controls you are given. But, there's a catch: you won't earn as many galactic points. You must score two coaxium containers (which help fuel the ship and this is pretty easy to do) and keep the ship in good shape, then you'll gain more galactic points and have a higher score. Though the ride has gotten generally positive reviews, a good majority of the public agree that being a pilot is a better experience. It's a ride that will pull between two and three hour wait times, so it is definitely an attraction you should fast pass. Or, if that's not an option, open the park and run to Star Wars: Galaxy's Edge. Luckily, Toy Story Land is still new enough, some crowds may be drawn to that instead. However, it is probably unlikely that it would make much of a dent in the Millennium Falcon: Smuggler's Run wait time.

The second attraction, which has yet to open at Galaxy's Edge in Disneyland, is called Star Wars: Rise of the Resistance. According to D23, is "one of the most advanced and immersive experiences ever undertaken by Walt Disney imagineers." It is repeatedly emphasized how technologically advanced this attraction will be and how it will not just be a ride, but a cinematic experience. It includes walk-through sections and elements of a trackless dark ride, with a utilization of projections. It is rumored to include elements from Shanghai's incredibly popular rendition of Pirates of the Caribbean and Disneyland Hong Kong's Mystic Manor. Riders will be taken on life-size starship near a Star Destroyer where they must defeat Kylo Ren. You'll be riding in an eight-person vehicle known as the First Order Fleet Transport, which will be hijacked. You'll be in a Star Destroyer hanger bay when a rescue message does not go as planned. There will even be appearances by some of your favorite Star Wars characters. Rise of the Resistance will open at Disney's Hollywood Studios on December 5, 2019 and in Disneyland on January 12, 2020. It seems like Rise of the Resistance will have the same effect as Flight of Passage, changing the game of rides as we know it. It undergoes new technology that has never before been seen in attractions and, thus, will pull wait times even longer than Millennium Falcon: Smuggler's Run. It is incredibly unlikely that you'll be able to get fast passes for both of these rides, so I recommend getting a one for Rise of the Resistance and then opening the park Millennium Falcon: Smuggler's Run. It seems like Smuggler's Run is a fun, new ride, while Rise of the Resistance is a life-changing ride that has technology seen nowhere else in the world.

Dining

Unfortunately, there is no sit-down table service yet. However, I hope one will be built in the new Star Wars hotel near Hollywood Studios (rumored name: Galactic Journeys: A Star Wars Adventure). There will be Oga's Cantina, which will be serving alcoholic beverages and other drinks, including the iconic blue milk. There is really only standing room at Oga's Cantina, kind of mirroring Andy's Lunchbox in Toy Story Land. There will even be a DJ, Oga! Publicized as a "watering hole," Oga's Cantina is basically a themed bar, a nice place for parents to relax and have some drinks as their kids go stand in the four hour long line for Rise of the Resistance. However, just because it is a bar does not mean it will be easy to get into. You see, Oga's Cantina is a replica of Mos Eisley Cantina in Star Wars: A New Hope. It is arguably the attraction with the longest line at Disneyland's Galaxy's Edge. Reviews consistently praise the incredible theming, however, it does not give the complete Mos Eisley vibe since all of the patrons are just Disney tourists, not smugglers, storm troopers, or Jedi Knights.

If you want to stop at a place with more substantial food to get a bite to eat, then there's Docking Bay 7 Food and Cargo. It is a quick-service restaurant that offers indoor and outdoor seating. There are also alcoholic beverages with Star Wars themed meals. And since it's cuisine is diverse in order to stay on brand and may not appeal to a younger audience, there is also a children's menu. Little kids probably don't want to eat something called "Ithorian Garden Loaf." There's also Ronto Roasters, a meat stand that serves a popular and delicious Ronto Wrap (which also comes in a breakfast version, which is handy for many people will be opening Hollywood Studios and Disneyland to get to Galaxy's Edge). Then there's a Milk Stand, which serves the iconic blue and green milk. This food option serves nice refreshing drinks along with a couple signature snacks. So both of the milks are plant-based. The blue milk lacks a creamy texture that seems to throw a lot of customers off. And since it is made out of coconut and rice milk, it has a sweet taste. Though yummy, it may sit in your stomach during a hot summer's day. The green milk, however, has a more fruity and refreshing taste. Some say it tastes too herbal and some say it is nice and refreshing. Personally, neither options sound too appealing to me, particularly because its not water-based and it seems like it might sit in my stomach. Personally, if you want a refreshing drink that is not ice tea or a cold bottle of water, I recommend Lefou's Brew at Gaston's Tavern in New Fantasyland at Magic Kingdom. It is frozen apple juice with some toasted marshmallow, topped with a passion-fruit foam. It is incredibly refreshing and extremely delicious. I purchase this drink every time I go to Magic Kingdom and it never fails to give me another bolt of energy. Sorry about that sidetrack--let's get back to dining. The last option is Kat Saka's Kettle, known for serving Outpost Mix. The name of this dining service pretty much gives its purpose away--it is a glorified popcorn stand.

Now, It Wouldn't Be Disney Without Gift Shops!

Of course, Disney couldn't create Galaxy's Edge without a couple of gift shops. A lot of these shops where inspired by those in Morocco, where many of that Tatooine scenes were filmed. One of the things I'm most excited about for Galaxy's Edge is Savi's Workshop: Hand-built Lightsabers. For $200, you can construct your very own lightsaber, similar to the props used in the actual movies! Now, this is a lot of money for a souvenir at Disney World. But for someone who mainly just buys pins and is a huge Star Wars nerds, it is investment that is appealing. And though you are paying for a high-end lightsaber, you're also paying for the experience. There have been overall positive reviews about the show components of Savi's Workshop and it is a 25 minute experience. If you want to do this, you'll have to make a reservation slot because the attraction is incredibly popular. Keep this in mind: the room itself where you construct your lightsaber is incredibly small, making it a slow and long wait-time. And with such scarcity in time slots, you'll probably want to make your reservation as much in advanced as you can. It also seems like a first-come first-serve system--so if you aren't into the rides, you might want to open up the park with this. I'm going to avoid any spoilers, since the reviews say it is a cool attraction. At the end of the day, I'd be thrilled to do it if the opportunity presents itself, but I won't be beating myself up about if I miss it--I could always use that extra $200 on pins anyway. There's also Dok-Ondar's Den of Antiquities. This is Galaxy's Edge main gift shop, however, it is unique in many ways. It is not only a shop, but a museum of Star Wars and excellent Disney theming. Overall, you should visit Dok-Ondar’s Den of Antiquities even if you have no intention of buying souvenirs--it is THAT cool. There is also Droid Depot, a place where you can build your very own droid. Costing $99 it is a 15 minute experience that is similar to Savi's Workshop. The droids even beep and are life-like! Reviews don't rank Droid Depot as highly as Savi's Workshop, but that doesn't mean it's not a cool experience. In my opinion, I would rather pay an extra $100 to have a well-reviewed experience and get a lightsaber. Those are the three main shopping experiences in Galaxy's Edge. After that, there is Creature Stall (a place with rare animals from the Star Wars universe), Black Spire Outfitters (a clothing store), First Order Cargo (a place with First Order merchandise), Resistance Supply (a place with Resistance merchandise), The Jewels of Bith (a place for accessories), Toydarian Toymaker (a place for toys). Overall, I am really excited for Star Wars: Galaxy's Edge! I have really high expectations, particularly for Rise of the Resistance--an attraction I'll definitely be fast passing. What are you most excited about?

#tgtd #disneyworld #disney #waltdisneyworld #hollywoodstudios #disneyland #starwars #starwarsgalaxyedge #galaxysedge #milleniumfalcon #riseoftheresistence

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deadcactuswalking · 6 years ago

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BABY, DON’T HURT ME: The Top 5 Best and Worst Hit Songs of 1994

1994 was the definition of a 6/10. I can’t sit through all 100 in one sitting, but it’s not like it was terrible, in fact, my worst list was hard as nails because a lot of the bad stuff was just not interesting enough to talk about. When I did my 2017 list, stuff like “Thunder” by Imagine Dragons was just so mind-bogglingly terrible in every way, hence I had a lot of material, but here, you can clearly tell how better I am at talking about music I like, because God damn, there are some all-time classics hidden in all this boring schlock and even the stuff that’s not fantastic has a lot of redeeming qualities and charm. Hence, the worst list is mostly composed of stuff I found to be utterly charmless – well, except the #1, but you’ll read on for that. First, however, before we even get into talking about where on earth the popular music scene was in 1994, here are the Honourable Mentions – songs that just couldn’t make the cut for a much shorter list than what I would usually make. I’m going to try and keep it brief, because there were a lot of songs I actually really enjoyed that didn’t really cut it when under the pressure of just a top five list.

Honourable Mentions

These are basically in order of where they were on the Year-End list, so don’t think the guys at the top weren’t ever going to make the list because some of them were pretty tough snips.

“The Sign”, “All That She Wants” and “Don’t Turn Around” – Ace of Base

If you ever wonder why people hate Magic! and UB40 so much, it’s because white-washed cod-reggae can be done so much better.

“Whatta Man” – Salt-n-Pepa and En Vogue

Not the best horn sample in this Year-End, but Goddamn, they get close.

“Wild Night” - John Mellencamp featuring Meshell Ndegeocello

I don’t know who either of these dudes are but they can make a nice song. On the other hand, how in the hell do you pronounce Meshell’s surname?

“The Most Beautiful Girl in the World” – The Artist Formerly Known as Prince

This dude still had it way after his heyday when he started calling himself “the Artist Formerly Known as Prince”. Rest in peace.

“Fantastic Voyage” – Coolio

This dude had a second hit – before “Gangsta’s Paradise”? That’s cool... not going to make the obvious pun.

“Any Time, Any Place” – Janet Jackson

This song is a full seven minutes of pure beauty, but the reason why it doesn’t make the list is because it’s seven minutes. We’ll get on to that later on in the list.

“Because the Night” – 10,000 Maniacs

Specifically the MTV Unplugged version. The other version is just not as effective.

“This DJ” – Warren G

Warren G is kind of overlooked now, but he was a hit-maker back then who could crank out some fantastic stuff back in this G-funk era.

“Cry for You” – Jodeci

Drake shouts this song out in “Controlla”, but he doesn’t exactly reference it in a clever way. He just says “I think I’d die for you” and then rhymes it with, no joke, “Jodeci, “Cry for You””, like, okay, Aubrey.

“Keep Ya Head Up” – 2Pac

This sample was done better by BlocBoy JB. Something about me just loves how they take the Five Stairsteps’ vocals and make them Kanye chipmunk-style, as BlocBoy mourns the losses of his friends from life in the streets, but since he’s still young, he is a “child” as the sample suggests, so it kind of seems condescending when they say “things are going to get easier”, and Bloc is trying to say that young people go through real hardships too. I don’t know, but this isn’t a BlocBoy JB review, and if I wanted to I could talk about that song in length, but I’ll just say this 2Pac song is damn good too.

“Who am I? (What’s My Name?)” – Snoop (Doggy) Dogg

I mean, I’d be able to tell you if you didn’t change it all the time.

“Rock and Roll Dreams Come Through” – Meat Loaf

The video for this is directed by Michael Bay of all people. That’s all I have to say.

“Mary Jane’s Last Dance” – Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers

Okay, but Red Hot Chili Peppers kind of did this riff more justice.

“U.N.I.T.Y.” – Queen Latifah and “Here Comes the Hotstepper” – Ini Kamoze

These were the songs that made me want to extend these lists to ten songs, but on the other hand, my Dishonourable Mentions made me want to shorten these lists to no songs.

“I’ll Take You There” – General Public

Who?

“What is Love” – Haddaway

Now, THIS one hurts to cut. This is a bonafide classic.

“Bop Gun (One Nation)” – Ice Cube featuring George Clinton

The 11-minute version of this song is more tolerable than it sounds.

Now that’s it for the Honourable Mentions but what exactly was 1994 pop music like? Well, I can tell you one thing – G-funk and smooth R&B and hip-hop were in full effect by this time, and many people say the 90s took a while to start, well, this is the breakout year for the 1990s as a decade. All the tropes you expect from early and mid-1990s pop music are here, and they’re here to stay (excluding a lot of the grunge and rock, mostly because of nonsensical Hot 100 chart regulations from at the time). Enough rambling, let’s get onto the actual list. These are...

BABY, DON’T HURT ME: The Top 5 Best and Worst Hit Songs of 1994

#5 Worst

So, if you think Scum Gang scumbags becoming popstars is a new thing, you obviously haven’t been following the absolute trainwreck that is R. Kelly. He was all over this year, whether it be him riding solo or providing vocals, songwriting and production for other R&B acts like Aaliyah and new (at the time) duo Changing Faces, who had both of their first two singles written and produced by R. Kells himself. I was on the fence about this particular track until I saw the Wikipedia article.

“It features uncredited vocals from R. Kelly.”

Alrighty then!

#5 – “Stroke You Up” – Changing Faces featuring R. Kelly

The immediate second this song starts I shrivel up and want to die. That piercingly high first note in the loop aggravates me because it’s just an instant onslaught of a screech. Oh, and that cowbell-like noise that appears in a lot of ‘90s R&B? I hate it.

Don’t get me wrong, I love 1990s R&B but man, it has to be done well to be anything more than a bit of a slog to get through, mostly because pretty much every song in that niche has these set of tropes, and I’m not going to lie, I probably could not sit through a whole album by anyone in that scene who isn’t Usher. Like, you’ve got to have some charisma to make your songs interesting – and that’s true with any decade and any genre – so when you’ve got only serviceable singers and a creepy-as-all-hell backing vocalist, you don’t exactly do wonders to the blocky production.

Don’t even get me started on that hook.

Do you mind if I stroke you up (I don’t mind)

Oh, of course, you don’t freaking mind, you’d get a stroke from anyone as long as they’re female. I don’t think you guys exactly needed confirmation... although actually maybe consent is the best foot forward in R. Kelly’s case... wait, why does R. Kelly need to consent to anything except jail time? He’s a piece of sexist human trash and this woman needs to ASK to just stroke him, oblivious to the fact that he can just hop straight into the girls in his sex cult?

All through the night

You know, you’re supposed to get like eight hours, so are you just going to stroke him for nearly half a day? Because knowing R. Kelly, I’d think he’d want a bit more.

Until your body’s tired

How is he going to be tired? You’re the one actually making some sort of motion, albeit it just be stroking... for eight bloody hours.

Oh, and R. Kelly can stop moaning in the intro and outro. We never need that, okay, we just never need R. Kelly moaning anywhere, anytime, please reissue this song without it. In fact, Spotify, I think I’m going to report abuse for the moaning alone. Nobody needs to sit through this tire fire of a track.

#5 Best

Talking about arrogant, forceful jerks, here’s a song about them.

I know what I want and I want it now / I want you, ‘cause I’m Mr. Vain

Uh... maybe I shouldn’t have met the R. Kelly comparisons. Yikes.

#5 – “Mr. Vain” – Culture Beat

That synth hook is iconic... well, at least for me. I’m into a hefty load of Eurodance and 90s house, in fact a lot of 90s electronica tickles my fancy in more ways than one, so I listened to this a lot before I even considered doing reviews as my hobby – in fact, all of my best list is like this, pretty much, and apologies for the nostalgia goggles but we need them because we’re going deep into Music Heaven’s seas and we ain’t got submarines.

That synth hook is only beaten by “Better Off Alone” in terms of 90s classic dance hooks, but that’s not the only thing about the song that’s amazing, no, before we dive into the vocals and lyrics, how about we just appreciate the rapid-fire guitar strumming replicating the hook and the freaking strings solo before the final chorus? Seriously, there’s a lot of attention to detail in what seems to be a simple Eurodance track and I appreciate that.

Also, this song is a narrative. Let’s explore that, shall we?

Call him Mr. Raider

What?

I guess it kind of makes sense in the context of “This dude only wants to get one-night stands with girls he considers to be of his stupidly high standard” (if you squint) but “Raider”? You couldn’t think of another word there to describe him? It didn’t even need to rhyme, it’s not part of the scheme.

Call him insane

Yeah, okay, so this song is about a guy who’s so irresistibly charming that all the ladies flock yet he only wants one night with them and will immediately stop caring once they’ve had sex... Is this song about Lil Yachty?

I know you want this for life / Taking pictures with all my ice / But I can’t have no... wife / I just want you for the night – Lil Yachty, “1Night”

Okay, obviously, I’m kidding – Lil Yachty didn’t even exist when this song was written – but I’m not joking when I say Tania Evans and rapper Jay Supreme do a pretty good job at representing different sides of this story. Sure, Supreme’s flow may be a bit stilted, and Evans’ (fantastic) vocals might be wasted on way too repetitive lyrics, but it’s Eurodance, cut it some slack.

Call me Raider

No, I won’t call you “Raider”. We already went through this, Jay.

In all seriousness, though, I just love how much Jay perfectly overplays the fact that he’s just an uptight douchebag.

Call me what you like / As long as you call me, time and again / Feel the presence of the aura / Of the man, none to compare

“Feel the presence of the aura”? Who the hell are you, Lucario?

Overall, despite some flaws in its writing, this track is still a dance classic, mostly for how well and intricately it’s produced. Really a fantastic demonstration of how genres like Eurodance can be top-tier stuff as well.

#4 Worst

You know, when I think “forever”, because of music I’ve listened to in the past, I don’t imagine the ungodly length of time that is. What does forever even entail? Is it an individual’s lifetime or just the span of life on Earth in general? Either way, I like my “forever” songs immediate, driving, punchy and to the point. Like Donna Lewis’ earworm hook on “I Love You Always Forever”, the hunger that Drake, Kanye West, Lil Wayne and Eminem show on the bloodthirsty posse cut “Forever”, the good stuff is what takes the concept of “forever” and makes it NOW. Now, what happens if you take the concept of “forever” and play it incredibly straight... that phrase being a synonym of “making it as boring and plain as a sponge cake with no icing”.

#4 – “Now and Forever” – Richard Marx

Now, music isn’t my only interest, far from it, one of those interests being video games, and more often than not game-wise, you could catch me playing a Nintendo game, so when I saw Marx, before Groucho even crossed my mind, my first thought was the character from Kirby, and maybe that’s not exactly the best first impression of a singer I’ve ever had.

You know what? That would have been much more interesting, because this is pretty non-descript, to the point of it being infuriatingly “nothing”. This guy’s voice, however much force he wants to put onto it, is just serviceable at best and pretty okay throughout, while a white-bread acoustic guitar is being strummed mindlessly in front of a solid orchestral instrumental, which would be pretty nice if it wasn’t so pushed back in the mix to focus on Marx’s promises of being someone’s man “now and forever” – yeah, okay, well, at least try and sound like you care. Put some effort into saying you’ll love someone always, like Bon Jovi’s “Always” the same year, which pulled off the simple power ballad much more effectively by simply seeming like people put effort into it. I can imagine that the band wrote their song about a real-life woman, but Marx here might as well be singing to a cactus. Next.

#4 Best

Now, you may be wondering why a song recorded and released in 1975 about an event from 1963, that eventually hit #1 on the Hot 100 in 1976, is on a list about music from 1994, and it’s all because of a remix – not the first one, mind you – that landed it back onto the charts in 1993 and 1994, “peaking” at #13. Thanks, Ben Liebrand, but your remix is irrelevant because the version I’m counting is the original.

#4 – “December, 1963 (Oh, What a Night!)” – Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons

So this was Valli and his band’s biggest hit in their extensive discography and very lengthy career, mostly due to being pretty much the opposite of what they always did. Sometimes shaking up the formula is actually ideal in pop music, as Valli saw when he relegated himself to backing vocals, letting the leads be handled by the drummer, Gerry Polci, and the bassist, Don Ciccone. Usually, this might have been a risky misstep, since the singer is chosen as the frontman due to the fact that they would naturally have more vocal talent, yet despite Valli being quite literally the name of the band, there’s no real frontman, as everyone sang and everyone appeared in the videos... and that’s impressive, considering how much of an ordeal that is, with how many members there are and were, and how members constantly go in and out while Valli’s still standing. The fact that the band never felt like Valli was in power is honestly one of the reasons why this song works so well.

This song sounds so joyful and happy, and you couldn’t replicate that with one man playing all the parts, because of a tried and true phrase.

One is the loneliest number that you’ll ever do – Harry Nilsson, “One”

If this was all one guy and it was just all the parts mixed together, I doubt it would feel anywhere near as gleeful and carefree as it does as a group record. It starts with a tight disco groove, and then you’ve got that classic piano melody, before Polci starts singing and he’s not a Phil Collins by any means, but he does the job damn well for a drummer, and that just adds to how fun it feels. Everyone did their best and contributed to a happy, sunshiny song that holds up to this day – and by everyone, I mean everyone, it definitely sounds like all seven or so of these guys, including even the keyboardists and the guys on the horns, had a blast recording this. I can imagine them just loving it in the studio. Oh, what a night, indeed.

#3 Worst

Oh, yeah, fun fact: Did you know that last song was originally going to be celebrating the repeal of prohibition, and Frankie Valli wanted it to be changed to a song about an affair? Yeah, and it’s not necessarily a subtle song about an affair either.

Spinning my head around and taking my body under – Don Ciccone, “December, 1963 (Oh, What a Night!)”

You know, I guess it’s somewhat poetic and at least it depicts the subject in a way that doesn’t feel cliché and cheesy. On the other hand...

#3 – “Said I Loved You...But I Lied” – Michael Bolton

What a terrible thing to say right to your significant other’s face, Michael Bolton. Why would you manipulate someone like that, man? Is this some sort of nasty plot to get sex without any consequence?

Said I loved you but I lied / ‘Cause this is more than love I feel inside / Said I loved you but I was wrong / ‘Cause love could never ever feel so strong

Oh... well, then. That is the dumbest bait-and-switch I’ve ever fell for. Well, this sickeningly sweet song is something else to add to my list of reasons to punch Michael Bolton in his corny face. Wait a second, he’s in his 60s now? Huh, maybe I should scrap that list entirely.

You know, Michael Bolton used to make metal and hard rock back in the 70s, and I won’t exactly say his work under that style was all that good, at least it wasn’t as vomit-inducing as his middle of the road, soft rock ballads, including this one, which hides its snoozeworthy self under a guise of a clickbaiting title... which I imagine isn’t even the reason this song became popular, no, it’s because of radio play, specifically adult contemporary stations – why would you put the effort into clickbaiting adult contemporary listeners when in the end, a song about tricking a woman for sex and/or a mediocre romance could have been written better than this generic schlock, and would have probably garnered even more attention, especially from the good-guy Michael Bolton?

I suppose none of this matters when the music’s good, right? Well, it’s not. It’s borderline tropical semi-tribal pop music, actually, it’s kind of interesting. The intro feels like it would fit right into Legends of the Hidden Temple and I don’t think that’s entirely a compliment. Michael sounds out of breath all the time, and nothing else in this song is worthy of even a footnote. I’m so glad we get immediately to the good stuff after trash like this.

#3 Best

Alright, now we’re getting into the hip-hop stuff that I loved this year, and, yeah, there was a lot of it but only a few of these songs really left enough of an impact on me to put them on the list. Remember when I said Warren G was overlooked? Well, I don’t think anyone forgets this G-funk classic.

#3 – “Regulate” – Warren G featuring Nate Dogg

God, no movie soundtrack tie-in deserves to be this smooth and this catchy. This song is immediately recognisable from that Dr. Dre-like synth hook and tight rhythm sampled from “I Keep Forgettin’ (Every Time You’re Near)”, a soul song from singer-songwriter Michael McDonald, which was a success of its own back in 1982, peaking in the top five. Sadly, it’s nowhere near as good as the song it eventually birthed 12 years later.

This song is basically one extremely lengthy verse of Warren G and the late Nate Dogg trading bars and telling a story of both rappers being involved in some ghetto violence, with funky instrumental breaks separating topics and flows.

It was a clear black night, a clear white moon

Warren’s looking to pick up some “skirts”, as they say, but for the most part, he’s just cruising. Meanwhile, Nate just arrived in Long Beach and is on a mission to find Warren – for whatever reason – before women start distracting him, because, of course, they do, it’s hip-hop. Warren notices a gang shooting dice, so he decides to politely join the activity and engage in some of the fun, and then they pull out their guns and try and kill him. However, Nate Dogg doesn’t have time for women.

Since these girls peepin’ me, I’mma glide and swerve / These hookers lookin’ so hard, they straight hit the curb / Onto bigger, better things than some horny tricks / I see my homie and some suckers all in his mix

He was on a mission to find “Mr. Warren G”, and he has discovered the holy grail, however there is one obstacle – the gang that is attacking Warren. He screams out for help from Nate, he’s completely hopeless, in fact, it’s surprisingly vulnerable for a gangsta rap track.

I’m gettin’ jacked, I’m breakin’ myself / I can’t believe they’re taking Warren’s wealth / They took my rings, they took my Rolex / I looked at the brother, said, “Damn, what’s next?”

He’s expecting even worse assault from these guys, but he doesn’t know what’s next because nothing can be this awful, right? He doesn’t believe this was even possible for him to be in this situation. But then, Nate Dogg, shades on, goes all action hero on them right after Warren G starts to accept his fate.

They got guns to my head, I think I’m goin’ down

But then, Nate shoots all his problems away.

Nate Dogg is about to make some bodies turn cold

I said Nate had no time for women, but that’s incredibly untrue, because right after he shoots multiple men to death, he’s picking up women on the streets, and, to be honest, yeah, I’d get in his car. Like Ty Dolla $ign, who I feel Nate was a massive influence on, he knew how to be seductive and smooth in his delivery, even if what he was singing wasn’t particularly sexy.

She said, “My car’s broke down and you seem real nice, would you let me ride?” / I got a car full of girls and it’s going real swell / The next stop is the Eastside Motel

For the final section, Nate and Warren just lay down some of the ideology of the G-funk philosophy... okay, then!

It’s the G-funk era, funked out with a gangsta twist

You know, it’s actually pretty impressive how throughout this violent yet sensual story of murder, assault and illegal criminal activity, as well as mentioning smoking and complementing women for their physical appearance, there’s actually minimal profanity. Warren G’s really for the kids, huh?

This whole story would be pointless, however, if it wasn’t for how well it was all sung, and I say sung instead of rapped because, yeah, it’s pretty much an R&B song with the melodic flows both take on, and I’m not saying Warren is anywhere near to the level of Nate’s singing ability, but you can tell effort was put in on both sides for them to complement each other well, and with Warren’s vulnerable and uncertain portrayal, a more unsure and confused personality and scattered flow really assist in painting the story, especially in stark contrast to Nate’s deep, smooth tone that makes all this sound effortless. Overall, yeah, this song is irresistibly catchy without anything even resembling a chorus, mostly due to the infectious beat and fun flows from everyone involved. Undoubtedly one of the classics in hip-hop. Rest in peace, Nate Dogg.

#2 Worst

“Whoomp! (There it Is)” by the Tag Team is an energetic and fun banger, with a catchy, sing-a-long chorus and a repetitive but effective rhythm. It’s an okay song, so making a song nearly identical right down to the “whoo” sounds isn’t going to result in anything awful... right? Right?

#2 – “Tootsee Roll” – 69 Boyz

Really, guys? 69 Boyz? You’ve got to know the innuendos involved there, and even if you did know and that was the origin, or even if they had another moronic excuse like they were all born in 1969, or there were 69 of them (which is a blatant lie), you’ve got to admit how cringeworthy and childish of a name that is... I’m not entirely sure if that’s to be expected of Miami bass, but considering its alternate names are “booty music” and “booty bass”, I should probably keep that in mind when digging deeper into the genre, but in the meanwhile, I cannot imagine any woman shaking their booty to this stiff, almost metallic beat, with some stock whistle sound effects and a constant onslaught of cheering gang vocals looped for the whole damn song to the extent of it being absolutely unbearable.

The Butterfly? Uh-huh, that’s old

What’s the Butterfly? Genius states, “The Butterfly was a dance move that caused the performer to look like a butterfly.” Thanks for that detailed explanation, now, what on earth is a “Tootsee Roll”?

From what I can gather, it’s just the opposite of the “Butterfly”, which is played out, while the “Tootsee Roll” is a dance you could still see in clubs at the time and is timeless? I mean, I doubt it, because rolling in a club is extremely dangerous and probably will lead to various deaths.

Keep rollin’ that derriere

...Is it like, twerking?

If so, that’s actually a decent comparison. Tootsie Rolls are softer taffy sweets that do not melt and are one of the first candies to be individually wrapped in America. Butts are not as soft as a Tootsie Roll (from my experience of seeing a few pictures of the candies) but they don’t have as much bone, you can slap them like jelly but they don’t melt (unless you have a severe medical problem), and typically, butts are wrapped in clothing, which could be different for each individual with a butt. That’s a pretty clever metaphor... too bad that 1.) your song’s an unlistenable, mind-numbingly repetitive loop with little to no changes to the instrumentation throughout, 2.) Tootsie Rolls also come in long sticks known as logs... is this a gay-pride anthem, then, or am I looking way too deep into this nonsensical piece of trash? Probably the latter.

#2 Best

Now, I wish I could talk about this next guy much more than I end up doing, but he’s way past his heyday, in fact, he’s a one-hit wonder despite having an extensive career that lasts more than four decades. This was his only song to ever hit the top 40, but does that matter at all when he’s had such a long-lasting career simply because of this one song? This track put him on the pop music map and stopped this weirdo from being a completely unknown figure in the music sphere, which he probably would have ended up being if not for this breakout single. You could say this song is riding the wave of both alt-rock and hip-hop being insanely popular at the time, but knowing my boy, I can safely say this was not a sell-out moment. This is one of the strangest, most diversely-talented musicians doing what he does best: wacky self-deprecation.

My teacher said I’m a loser, I told her, ”Why don’t you kill me?” – Kanye West, “Get ‘em High”

#2 – “Loser” – Beck

In the time of chimpanzees, I was a monkey

Sorry, repeat that?

In the time of chimpanzees, I was a monkey / Butane in my veins so I’m out to cut the junkie

This song is the second on the best list to use the technique of sampling, modifying a portion of another work in order to use it in a new creation. This particular track samples a relatively manic drum beat from “I Walk on Gilded Splinters”, a Dr. John cover by blues guitarist Johnny Jenkins, and this sample does more than just adding a tight drum pattern to the song, as it adds to the interpretation that it was a parody of what was perceived as late-80s “slacker culture”, since sampling was a bit infamous in the early 90s. Just as recent as 1991, sampling had caused a headlining court case in which Gilbert O’Sullivan forced Biz Markie to not only pull all of the offending records off of stores, but also accept his career being ruined from the money he lost and the fact that the old white man was victorious over a predominantly black hip-hop culture, showing not only another case of the transformative use of work being unfairly refused, but also the racism that is still prevalent in court judges, the music industry and society today, as proved by Meek Mill’s recent case of being wrongly imprisoned. Yeah, it was an important lesson to learn in terms of the consequences of sampling, but it leaves a bad taste in peoples’ mouths, especially for Beck, who appreciates the art of sampling, despite it being seemed as lazy by many others in the biz, including Damon Albarn of Blur and Gorillaz, who has recently presented his anti-sampling thoughts (despite many, many cases of sampling other works himself). In fact, I believe Beck actually brings this up in the second verse.

The forces of evil in a bozo nightmare / Ban all the music with a phony gas chamber

Hence, throughout this sarcastic verbal beatdown Beck gives himself in the verses, he sounds bored, tired and exhausted, relying on the charm in his voice and the simple, sampled beat to carry him along. In fact, the lyrics seem to be Beck just spitballing, as well, as it’s mostly complete word salad, but it definitely has a consistent vibe of uselessness and being pathetic.

With the plastic eyeballs, spray-paint the vegetables / Dog food stalls with the beefcake pantyhose

Overall, though, it just seems like it’s an incredibly ironic, borderline nonsensical and witty suicide note at points – there’s always discussion of death and guns and pretty grim imagery.

I’m a loser, baby, so why don’t you kill me? (double-barrel buckshot)

He hung himself with a guitar string

Someone keeps sayin’ I’m insane to complain / About a shotgun wedding and a stain on my shirt

The whole song is a slog in the best way because of its repetitive chorus, unconventional sampling and... interesting ad-libs.

(Get crazy with the Cheese Wiz)

It’s nothing like a parody of slacker culture, at all, actually, it reads more like a man on the edge of absolute insanity, and we get to explore his mind, which is all-over-the-place with some brief observations and commentary on the industry and early 90s society, while he occasionally contemplates ending it all.

And my time is a piece of wax falling on a termite / That’s chokin’ on the splinters

This is a strange, confusing song, but Beck’s a strange and confusing artist, and I love him for it, especially when he subtly adds some meaning in the lyrics, such as songs like this... and it’s not even in his top 10 best songs.

#1 Worst

Okay, so, flash back to even before the Honourable Mentions where I said this.

“Hence, the worst list is mostly composed of stuff I found to be utterly charmless – well, except the #1, but you’ll read on for that.”

Yeah, and when I said that, I wasn’t lying – this next song has a lot of charm, hell, it has a lot in common with my choice of fifth best hit song, “Mr. Vain”. Both are quirky little Eurodance songs, but this one does not understand how to embrace how awful it is, while “Mr. Vain” did that perfectly. This song is charming yet also insufferably incompetent.

#1 – “Another Night” – Real McCoy featuring Karin Kasar

Yep, that’s their name – Real McCoy. I don’t understand how a Eurodance act would be this desperate to prove themselves as “real”. Now, I’m pretty sure this terribly-named act is a band, actually, two or three members, one of which being the “rapper” on this track, O-Jay, but we’ll get to him. First, let’s focus on the instrumental, which is pretty well-made actually, albeit pretty typical of the time – it even has a pretty forced reggae influence in the steel pans obviously profiting off of Ace of Base. We have some nice piano chords, a jackhammer beat, an annoying synth that goes from the right to left channel constantly – which would be cool, if it didn’t go on for the whole song and you know, sounded any good.

That’s not what makes this song so horrible, honestly, it’s the vocals. First we have a vocal sample that comes in occasionally but trust me, when it comes in, it does not stop hammering at your brain. It is a really lazy yell, like a man who’s in a deep ditch, hence it echoes, but he can’t talk properly, or like at all, so he just makes a sound that resembles chopped-and-screwed Mario jumping sounds compiled together with some reverb and pitch-shifting... but that’s technically still the instrumental, the vocals on top can’t possibly be as bad, right? Well, I guess the singer, Karin Kasar isn’t bad, even if the lyrics combined with her light-as-a-feather performance are as putrid and sickeningly sweet as you can get, at least Tania Evans had some “oomph” in her voice.

Contrasting Karin Kasar is O-Jay, the “rapper”, who provides some deep, stilted, multi-tracked verses – see the dynamic here? Exactly the same as “Mr. Vain”, except that song prevailed by being joyful despite its obviously less optimistic subject matter that made it feel self-aware, while this plays it straight... but somehow makes it feel less sweet and more terrifying. This O-Jay guy took it too damn fair, he sounds creepy and the lyrics he’s provided with don’t exactly help either.

You feel joy, you feel pain, ‘cause nothing will be the same

Uh, can you stop, please, like, right now? It’s disturbing when this man’s deep voice, not shrouded in the mix, is perfectly clear and you hear every word he’s saying in this intimate yet skin-crawling tone. It’s not pleasant and really doesn’t help build the mood, in fact, I’m pretty sure it takes the mood of the song and bites it in half.

Hey, sister, let me cover your body with my love

Hold up – sister? Look, I know that’s something people call important or friendly females in their lives and in any other case, this line would be fine, but, Jesus, O-Jay, could you maybe say it with some kind of corny flair because your delivery itself implies so much more than what’s being said. Oh, and it doesn’t help when in his final verse, we have an eerily distorted sub-bass with a manic synth playing during it.

I am your lover, your brother

You’re not helping! All this track is is a sloppy remake of “Mr. Vain” which falls flat on its face with everything that Culture Beat’s track succeeded in.

Another night, another dream, but a-always you / It’s like a vision of love that seems to be true

Isn’t that a Mariah Carey song released in 1990?

I had a vision of love / And it was all that you’ve given to me – Mariah Carey, “Vision of Love”

So, not only do you ride the coattails of the Eurodance movement that became prominent in the US because of Haddway and his top 20 song, completely rip off Culture Beat’s top 20 hit (and #1 in the UK!) “Mr. Vain”, shoddily enforce some reggae pop because Ace of Base had three massive songs, all of which ended up being in the Year-End top 10 of this year, but you reference the name of one of Mariah Carey’s biggest #1 hits, just in case you weren’t enough of a clumsy amalgamation of everything early 90s in America and Europe. Nice one, you lazy, pathetic, untalented hacks.

#1 Best

Let’s take a little trip back to the Honourable Mentions, where I said that Janet Jackson’s “Any Time, Any Place” would not make the list due to its length, and that’s mainly because this is a list of hit songs, and honestly, if your song’s not short and sweet, does it really “hit” you as much?

A pop song doesn’t need to be conventional and can stray far from the formula, and I appreciate that when it happens to be that a 1994 hit does not follow the rules of its niche, see “Loser”. However, when you make a song, no matter how good it is, very long and not particularly that far away from what is expected, it loses the punch I want to see in good pop music. That’s why I hate “Perfect” by Ed Sheeran so much – it lacks what I want from any good pop song, a real hook that reels you in, not because it’s catchy and not because it’s unique, hell, I’m not talking about the musical hook here, just a moment in a song that forces you to pay attention and even if you don’t like it, you will understand why it’s so popular because it demands you to be attracted to it. I don’t like “Blah Blah Blah” by Kesha featuring 3OH!3. Listen, I like both of these artists fine, but I’m not a fan of the song for many reasons, however there is a true hook that grabs me in, and it’s not the chorus, it’s Kesha’s voice, which is childish and bratty, but it just commands your attention because of how obnoxious it is. “Any Time, Any Place” doesn’t exactly have that hook, hence no matter how much I liked the song, I just couldn’t write about it in mass. It’s not as interesting as it could have been.

Ladies and gentlemen, as you know, we have something special down here at Birdland this evening – a recording for Blue Note Records.

This song has so many of them.

#1 – “Cantaloop (Flip Fantasia)” – Us3

Oh, my God, this song has so many of those hooks. First of all, how all of it is so blatantly sampled. I think the additional trumpet solo is the only original addition and composition other than the vocals and knowing classic hip-hop, that solo is probably sourced or interpolated from somewhere – hell, the pure amount of samples of Blue Note’s catalogue on this song and Us3’s album lead to them grabbing a record deal with them. Now that’s how corporate bigwigs should be treating artists who sample. The first sample is immediately obvious to you – it’s a vocal sample at the beginning of the track spoken by Pee Wee Marquette from Art Blakey’s A Night at Birdland Vol. 1 album. After this brief spoken word section, we get into the beat which kicks in almost instantly afterwards for a real punch, and I’ve listened to the original track, Herbie Hancock’s “Cantaloupe Island”, and can confirm it’s just pretty much a sped-up version of the first 16 bars with a lot of subtle changes, but that’s not a bad thing, as the drum beat is fun enough to dance to, as what was probably in mind, the recurring additional vocal samples crowding up the track (acting as kind of a chorus) from both Marquette and Lou Donaldson (specifically “Everything I Do Gonna Be Funky (From Now On)”), as well as the occasional lively ad-lib from the rapper here, Rahsaan Kelly, shortened to Rahsaan, who scats a nice little “itty-bitty-bop” throughout. The final instrumental break before the track ends is heavenly, with Gerard Presencer’s fantastic and frankly pretty insane trumpet solo just going on and on. It’s crazy how good it is as well, the playing is intricate and fits the beat perfectly, mostly because of how wacky it is, until it just fades out like it’s nothing.

Speaking of wackiness, I think that’s the main appeal here, because it sounds like a jazz rap song straight out of a cartoon, fittingly for its title containing the name of the Disney movie Fantasia, but it’s all so smooth in its execution despite being littered and cluttered with samples all over the place. It’s beautiful in all its layered madness, and taking any of the layers off would be a disservice, and yes, that’s including Rahsaan.

Brace yourself as the beat hits you / Dip, trip, flip Fantasia

He may not be the best MC, but he has a slick, impressively stable and at times surprisingly quick flow for the time, and with his alliterative lyricism that often include a lot of fun, colourful words, he fits right into this Roger Rabbit of a jazz song.

Groovy, groovy, jazzy, funky / Pounce, bounce, dance as we dip in the melodic sea

He even has some pretty cool lines about actually taking a trip to the neon land presented in Fantasia...

Caught in the groove in Fantasia, I’m found

...and damn, if I don’t feel like I’m there. This song is just so fun to listen to, honestly, because of the pure joy you can feel from every sample, every trumpet riff, every line Rahsaan spits. I thought “Loser” by Beck was going to be my #1 going into this Year-End blind but as soon as I noticed this song was on it, the chance dropped from 100% to less than 3%, because even though I love both songs to death, “Cantaloop (Flip Fantasia)” is such an overlooked classic that I can’t help but love and want to talk about. Everyone’s heard “Loser” but this is not something people really look back on today for all I know. I first heard this song on Vintage TV, actually, a British television network that shows old music videos, and it was a 90s and 80s funk block they had on when this song was broadcast, and when it came on, I had an instant grin on my face and I’m so glad it came up on this Year-End otherwise I would have likely to never have talked about it, and I couldn’t have done that. This song is way too good for me to pass on.

Feel the vibe from here to Asia / Dip, trip, flip Fantasia (out!)

As I said, it’s not conventional for a mostly instrumental song by a British acid jazz band to hit the American top 40, but to stay in the Hot 100 top 10 for three weeks is crazy, and just shows that although the general public and I may disagree at times, the power of national appreciation can do pretty great things for humanity. Thank you for reading, guys, and thank you to Us3, Rahsaan and Gerard Presencer, for making the best hit song of 1994, and one of my favourite songs of all time. See ya!

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damemaladroite · 6 years ago

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Encore-episode 12, gankutsuou

I think I’m in love.

In the span of 12 episodes, not only am I a hardcore shipper, but I’m so invested in these characters, it’s kind of disgusting. And I don’t even like to use that word.

In which I give a lengthy backstory of why I love the Count of Monte Cristo

I suppose I should give some background. The Count of Monte Cristo is one of my favorite books, with its scary complex plotlines, vengeance plot and a bunch of compelling characters. I think the only literature that is comparable to it is Russian literature, only I think Dumas manages to create more compelling characters in his story.

Its been a few years since I last read the book, but almost all the plotlines are engraved in my head. That's how much this story has stuck with me, even in the original book I felt so tied to the characters. It’s like this anime is reawakening that love I had for it.

I’ve seen several different adaptations of this story (well only 2, but it feels like a lot) and the anime, despite being set 3000 years in futuristic space france, is by far the most accurate I’ve seen. The anime understands something about the book that most adaptations fail to grasp, what the Count of Monte Cristo is about. Its not about Edmond getting back the life he should have had. Its about vengeance, and how flawed an idea it is.

The best decision is making Albert the main character. The count is undeniably the deuteragonist, but instead of the story revolving around him, he’s a mysterious player in the background. Its a much more interesting way to enter the story, as albert is sort of a blind protagonist, which is to say we are theoretically in the same boat as him as he unravels the counts, and subsequently his parents past. And its a way more compelling place to start the story, cause despite my huge love for Edmond’s past, the meat of the novel is undeniably in the huge revenge plot he sets after he and albert cross paths for the first time in Rome/Luna. Every other adaptation boils it down into a few scenes, but this part of the book was hundreds of pages long. This anime aims to be one of the few (to my knowledge) to adequately explore my favorite part of the novel, and it does it extremely well.

Here’s where the review actually starts

Basically, Albert finds out his and Eugénie’s engagement has been broken, mainly by Baron Danglars himself. We see a new player (Calvalcanti?) make a move on Eugénie, who ever independent minded rebukes him. I hardly remember Eugénie in the book, but this anime has transformed her into an interesting character, the modern aspects add a lot of dimension as well. Eugénie is a major part of this episode, as she finally gets to live her dream of performing on her piano before paris, only we find out something more sinister is at play. To be honest, at this point I don’t quite know everything that’s at work, but I do feel for our hapless protagonist’s who have to pay for their parents misdeeds. I also, though I’m not quite sure yet, feel like some of these are anime additions to the plot, though they don’t feel to out of place in the story so far.

The beginning of the episode we get a creppy scene of Eugénie talking to Calvalcanti, who I’d rather refer to from now on as blond creep. He’s convinced he is in love with her, but Eugénie rather logically point out that hey hardly know each other and he has no reason to feel this way. Eugénie flees and confide’s in Franz her conflicts, especially considering how easily her father broke her engagement to Albert. I feel for Eugénie, as she pointed out even earlier, her relationships are just like another one of her fathers stocks, constantly changing depending on what her father can get out of it. I feel for her in the sense that’s she powerless to all her parents whims.

Franz is truly an MVP. In the book I remember him being more of a flake, another facade of the parisian life Albert has, but unless I’m mistaken, I like that they’ve made Franz, Albert, and Eugénie all very good friends. And in this episode we get to see him being surprisingly supportive of Eugénie. We’ve already gotten the sense that their friendship has been fragile for some time. It’s strange, but this upcoming conflict has seemed to have reconciled them in some ways. I know at least in my life, a common enemy can indeed bring you closer. I just find it strangely realistic.

Franz says some things, and it manages to shed some light in the fog of Eugénie’s mind. Her feelings for Albert seems to come into view, and she realizes she might have something for him. We also see her begin to remember her childhood days when they were much better friends. We also see her and franz discontent on how much the count has affected them, and Albert particularly, especially given how damaging the rumors, which blond creep insinuates the count spread himself.

We then get a cool scene of young!franz and albert hacking? I dunno, it was confusing, at a seeming hideout. I wonder if we’ll see this hideout again, it seems like a potentially important location. We see both Franz and Albert go there at different times, just missing each other. Its a cool visualization of an idea that has permeated my life, mental constructs, which is to say false ideas in your head ( I’m explaining this terribly, I’m sorry). They both, as they walk away think the other doesn’t care as much as they used to, and yet really they both want the same thing.

Its short, but pretty poignant.

Then we get a scene with Mercedes. The way the anime presents her is growing on me. I never really like how the book treated her, i think she was just as much of a victim of the situation as Edmond was, and the anime gives her just as much mystique as they do the count. Its strange how comparable they are, and I get the sense that Mercedes is in a lot of ways a ghost of her former self. Just from how blank she acts and seems most of the time.

She basically tells Albert to go to Eugénie, if he really cares, and tells him that he should follow his heart despite the risks. He’s apprehensive, but realizes he really does care about Eugénie. he goes only to be met by Danglars who seems to have been waiting specifically for him. Lucien (who has the best name btw) comes through, and a weird quip passes between him and Danglars. Is Danglars endorsing his affair? does he know? Its so strange, I don’t even know. Lucien dismisses Danglars for the moment, and walks with Albert to another part of the theater, promising to sneak Albert in order to make it up to Eugénie. despite how creepy all of it is, It is strangely redeeming for him as a character. He also alludes to something more complex behind him. Intriguing.

We go back to Eugenie, who is nervous to got on stage. All seats are filled, only Albert’s remains vacant. Eugénie is disappointed, but pushes her feelings down. She walks on, only moments later, Albert arriving harried. I love how the animation captures the gravity as she begins to play the piano. best piano playing scene I’ve ever seen. I love how the music is juxtaposed by the developing drama as all of the counts plans begin to unfold. Its truly spectacular.

Eugénie walks offstage only to be greeted by Albert. In one of my favorite scenes (probably) ever. I just love there banter, and Eugénie’s quote that she would have played even better if she had known he was there. I feel like they’re my new OTP ( in the book, it was Valentine and Max, but that’s a different discussion).

Blond creep shows up, only to ruin the mood ( Eugénie has already returned to the stage to play a song especially for albert, and its a real piece of classical music that I really love !!) Once again he acts as if he owns the situation, and consequently, Eugénie. I like how they are torn from each other, once again shown how powerless they are. Albert is kicked out by Danglars, and in a rather pathetic gait, falls into the counts arms, who is seemingly loafing around (seriously, what is the count doing?) I truly almost laughed at him, but when he himself admitted to feeling pathetic, it made it too real. I really felt for Albert in this moment. Who wants to end an evening like this? Torn from the person that you might love? ( i honestly really want them to end up together. don’t jinx me anime! DX)

We see albert and the count walk out of the opera house, only to be greeted by Villefort and his troops ( what is with Villefort in this version?) Also, did he know the count would just walk out by himself? what about the hordes of people inside who could cover him? Well whatever, it seems the count is once again heading behind bars (its a terrible joke) as Villefort tries to convict him for suspect activity.

I really liked this episodes. The stakes are continually rising, and as are my feelings. I’m surprised they have made Eugénie and Albert such a compelling relationship, as I have mentioned I barely remember it in the book. And all the moments! Its just so good. Albert trying to make it through a wall of security is just an aesthetic. As is Eugénie dazzling on the piano. Franz gets a fair bit of nice development, and I’m just glad this adaptation has had time to develop the story as well as it has around these characters that in most versions, are second tier to the count plots. I appreciate that the anime cares about these characters enough to barely feature the count in this episode

bonus! best part of the episode : Lucien dissing Cavalcanti Blond creep!

#gankutsuou encore albertdemorcerf tcomc thecountofmontecristo sogood really bestanime

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