#accumulated some stuff again that I didnt post here

[steamclouds]

20's Ineffable flapper wives!

They're having a fun time :)

[strawberrymatchawhore]

7

exbf!jungkook x exgf!reader

“you wrap around me and you give me life… and that's why night after night i'll be lovin' you right”

summary- after seven long years of the breakup between you and jungkook, he randomly decides to show up and tries to prove that hes really a changed man.

warning/s- DUBCON. rough sex under the influence (both sides), hesitant y/n, choking, fingering, messy sex, lovebomb/confession, nutting inside (a/n also sorry for not posting for a while n this was kinda rushed soo i do apologize in advance LMAOOO)

you loudly groaned and smacked your hand around the couch to look for your phone, who the hell calls at this hour ? you took a hit of the joint youve been smoking for the past few minutes and then clicked the answer button.

“hello ??” you lazily say and roll your eyes and take another hit.

spam callers are so fucking annoying.

“y/n…” the voice says, it was deep and husky… even almost sounding like..

“huh ?!!! jungkook ??” the call abruptly ends until a loud knock can be heard from your front door. you get up confused and take a peak through the window and see your ex boyfriend leaning against the porch chair.

fuck what now

you open the door and take a second to figure out what to say.

“what are you doing here ?” you said in a monotone voice, trying to hide your interest as to why he decided to show up after so long.

“i need to talk to you y/n.. please.” he slurs gently pushing you aside to go inside your house, the smell of alcohol and expensive cologne accumulating from his body.

“jungkook..” you tried slowing his pace down and pushing his chest but he wouldnt budge.

“jungkook !! you cant just randomly show up to my house like this and expect me to welcome you with open arms !!” you dragged him to the couch and made him sit down you stood in front of him and examined his state.

“y/n you smoke now ?” he picked up the joint and tossed it back down.

“yeah that doesnt matter right now, why are you here ?”

“look.. i just wanted to say.. i just wanted to say that im sorry for everything that ive done to you in the past. i know words cant fix the damage ive done but after all this time i never forgot about you and i realized all of my faults.. i really really have changed for the better, and i hope you can let me back into your life again y/n.” he slurred, it was almost funny how desperate he sounded. like the roles of the past were now reversed.

you tilted your head, jungkook was never one to own up to his mistakes or even apologize. the sinking feeling in your stomach rises when he briefly mentions the past. but even drunk, maybe he really has changed. it has been 7 years. you stood in silence as jungkook made himself at home on your couch.

“look jungkook, its been a while im gonna have to think about it. and youre drunk, just lay there and i’ll get you some water. you can spend the night.” you softly said, damn it. he was good.

he nodded in response and you went to the kitchen to get water and meds, this also gave you time to collect your thoughts. you said you would think about forgiving him but could you really believe that he’s changed after the relationship you were in with him all those years ago ?

you put the stuff for him on the coffee table and sit down near him, trying to keep a distance. closing your eyes and opening slowly feeling the high more. you look over to jungkook and laugh. this didnt feel real at all.

he then sits up and scoots closer to you, leaning his body onto yours. his mouth was now near your ear and you could feel his hands gently massage your waist. he pulls you to his lap and you let out a low gasp from the sudden movement.

“jungkook. we really shouldnt be doing this…” you say using his thighs to try to get up. the grip he has on your waist tightens, almost bruising even. you wince and move around his lap more to try to get free.

“what do you mean ?” he lowly says he keeps one hand on your waist and massages it his other hand makes it way up to your neck and squeezes.

“you’re basically grinding on me.” he chuckled, you could feel his bulge pressing against you. you whine and dont respond. only the music playing from your tv could be heard. what situation did you just get yourself into ? he lets go and his hand slides down to your pj shorts touching the wet spot on your panties.

“s-stop.” you moan, sounding extremely unconvincing. the both of you knew that you were just saying bullshit, your legs basically open wider for him to continue further. his pushed your panties to the side and gently rubs your clit, and teases it before dipping a finger into your pussy.

“you sure you want me to stop ?” he adds another finger and speeds up, his palm stimulating your clit. you moan and grab his hand.

“…your pussy is just so fucking wet.” jungkook whispered in your ear. you know you shouldnt be enjoying this but you honestly missed him and wanted more. not that you would admit it. even though he most definitely knows by now.

“fu- all f’ you.” you mewl biting your lip, it felt too good.

“yeah all f’ me ? does it feel good baby ?” he teases nibbling your ear. you moan incoherent words and close your eyes.

“course it does just listen to how youre taking my fingers.” you could hear the wet slick sounds of his long skinny fingers going in and out of your pussy. his rings adding more to the package. you could feel yourself about to cum and jungkook slows down.

“you gonna cum ?” you whine and nod yes grinding on his hands to try to get back the lost stimulation. he removes his fingers from you and roughly shoved them into your mouth, you automatically suck and swirl you tongue them licking them clean of your juices. seems like you still have some muscle memory.

he guides you off his lap and maneuvers you face down ass up. giving him a full view of your ass, he gives a few hard smacks before you feel him move his tip up and down your pussy. already antsy and wanting more, you try to reach back and put it in yourself but he grabs your arms and pins them to your back, forcing you to arch it even more.

“uh uh youre not allowed to touch, just lay there and be a pretty little thing for me.” he says before pushing his dick inside of you. your mouth opens into a silent o and you push your hip against his.

“ah-h feels so good kookie.” jungkook leans forwards and uses your arms to thrust faster and harder. your ass bounces from the force.

“fucking missed this pussy.. missed you. ah- fuc-” he breathily whimpers, your moans synching with his.

“youre the only one that makes me feel like im enough and i- fuckkk- im sorry.. oh my- god.” he rambles and moans completely pussydrunk, your cream forming rings at the base of his cock. disappearing and reappearing with his thrusts. he lets go of you and rest his hands on your hips, guiding them towards his big cock.

“you got nothing to say y/n ?” he mocks knowing that youre fucked out, your head rests on the couch cushion and drool covers your chin. you could only moan in response, tears filled your eyes as you felt yourself about to cum.

“no-gonna cum ahh!” your eyes squeeze shut and you grip the couch, your body starts to shake and you expect jungkook to slow down. but no, this man is evil. in fact he speeds up and fucks you through your orgasm.

“jungkook.. jungkook thats too much !!” you whine and reach back to push on his abs. but he chuckles and grabs your arms again. lifting you up against his chest with one arm. the other wipes your tears and rests against your neck.

“gonna fill you up nice n deep.. wanna see that shit leaking from your tight pussy.” he squeezes your neck, if his arms werent holding you up. youd fall right down, the pleasure he was giving you was intense. he was fucking you stupid.

“fuck jungkook, please cum inside please please.” you could feel your second orgasm come when jungkooks first arrives with it. his thrusts gets sloppy but he tried keeping his pace. you were met with a warm sticky feeling inside you when jungkook gently lets you go.

“so pretty all filled up with my cum baby.” he coos and drags his leaking cum back inside you with his fingers. you whined from the overstimulation and he laughed in response. making sure all of it went back inside you, he leans next to your figure and brings you into the little spoon position.

“i love you so much y/n i promise to never hurt you again.” he kisses the top of your head and cuddles into you tighter. you dont respond and just lay back feeling your high come down. this was gonna be a long and hard night of thinking, who the fuck did you let back into your life ?

[trainerbob23]

Update: no I’m not dead, I just want to address some things.

Hey everyone, I just want to address a lot of things that happened over these past couple weeks, no I am not dead or did not get myself killed, I want to be completely up forward, and honest with everyone.

But first, I’ll address the big elephant in the room: probably around 2 to 3 weeks ago. I almost tried to kill myself, the reason I had almost done that was because there was so much stress going on around me (schoolwork, world news and even just straight up scared for the future) and all these events accumulated into to the point where felt like I thought that was the right thing to. Now I realize that it wasn’t the right thing to do. it would’ve been way worse because I had many people that were worried about me. I want to apologize for the people that I have worried. There has been a lot of difficult stuff these past couple of days (it could be roughly because of my weight gain, and I have been really insecure about my body which is the second reason)

The second reason is that I legitimately felt really insecure about my body. I felt like a big, flat slob weight that secure around. ( I weigh myself at 209 pounds when I used to be at at least 199 pounds) I just thought that was a big accomplishment at the time right now I just wanted to lose all this weight it just has been really difficult for myself to give up all these food and wine. Mom and Dad forced me to eat every day because they want me to finish it up, they are not bad people or anything, but I need to be aware of how much I eat

Possibly the reason that is that I’m probably gonna get a lot of flack for this, but I just given up hope for this world, and I just wanted to generally take a break from every social media platform but there’s a lot of people on the Internet that apparently say that your a monster if you do that taking a break from world news sort of thing. It just made me feel so guilty all around and I just don’t want people to be upset. I just felt legitimately stressed out over everything to the point where basically almost did it.  I had wanted to stay positive even after all the stuff that’s been going on, but I feel like I fail. And made all of you guys scared it just made me feel guilty as well for trying to literally kms over everything. Ive Probably just need a break in general from all the bad stuff that is happening.

I just wish there was a lot of positive stuff happening around in the world but apparently that is not even possible anymore, is already gone off the deep end so much to the point where I feel kinda hopeless for everything, I wish there was this restart in humanity as a whole, I just wish there was no war at all. I just wish I didnt desperately doomscroll so much. I wish I didn’t have this mentality, but that’s not even freaking possible anymore. This whole world has gone to shit and I’m sick of all of this world in general. I’ll try to keep living as a whole for my family, friends and everyone, but It’s a hard reality that we live in sadly. I’m not going to do really horrible stuff to myself. Maybe I just need to take a break off of here for probably ever.

I’m really sorry for not posting these past couple weeks. I have been trying to make sure that something like this never happened again. I’ll try to come back with a better mindset. I promise <3

thank you for reading everyone. Have a good one

[3liza]

im having so much trouble keeping track of everything im seriously considering just typing up a comprehensive outline-type document of all symptoms, observations, confirmed allergies, events i can remember, drugs tried and their effects, etc on my actual website so i can send people there if they ask questions or have suggestions and are trying to help or just understand whats going on.

also its really boring to keep posting it here. its boring but i have to pay attention to it all the time, every day, no matter what and its so so so boring. i have had several cycles recently this year of "feeling okay for a few days followed by a month of severe relapse" and im not exerting myself on the good days at all.

im the Patterns Noticer and i still cant identify any connection between anything i'm doing now and the apparent repercussions of my actions.

im not getting food poisoning, i can cook well enough to avoid it and understand food safety/meat temperatures/spoilage/bacteria. i dont think it's environmental unless theres some undetectable poison gas or dust or something, im not having severe allergy symptoms like anaphylaxis or hives. i have a carbon monoxide detector in working order, two actually. my house is too drafty to have an oxygen shortage. the heat is gas but i dont smell a gas leak, the boilers are separated by a concrete wall, and again this place is very drafty, especially now that it's summer.

i dont think i poisoned myself with vitamin b shots, i didnt take enough and the symptoms dont match up and i was just as bad as i am now in the same way before i took the shots. the days after i took the shots i felt way better actually.

it could be MS. it's actually really weird they havent already tested me for this. i have almost every single symptom, but MS symptoms are almost all extremely vague. i will bring this up to a doctor

it could be delayed effects from traumatic brain injury and hypoxic brain injury from earlier in life.

i dont think im bleeding internally from ulceration, my poop doesnt look bloody.

i could be short on The Vitamin or All Vitamins, this is a strong contender for "gradually worsening symptoms over several years" and having Fucked Up Stomach Syndrome can prevent you from getting the Vitamin via pills or food. it's possible that i am so low on Vitamin that i need it injected or infused. planning to follow up with this possibility

i could have poisoned myself with something else and i just cant figure out what it is. im not handling weird chemicals or eating weird stuff. nothing particularly toxic is stored here as far as im aware. i havent even painted my nails for a long time. i think the tapwater is bad here, i need to rule it out with an actual lead and heavy metals test, but i have a filter that everyone swears is capable of filtering lead.

it could be long covid. long covid has unpredictable pathology and often doesnt get Super Bad until a long time after the initial illness.

its definitely possible that "eating anything at all" is now irritating enough to my immune system (or whatever is being injured/activated) to cause a crash. this would be pretty bad, but if thats what's happening i'd like to know so i can move on to finding solutions to not eating food. fasting seems to help BUT the malnutrition symptoms kick in really fast these days, and not because i'm emaciated, im not, im regular underweight like usual with adequate fat and muscle to function normally under normal circumstances, but i think im just so sick that any additional stress is not tolerable the way it would be otherwise.

the house is definitely in mild bad shape from long term illness but its not hoarded/dangerous, there are no spills/rotten food/accumulated dirt/pests in here other than i see a couple mosquitos fly in when i let the dog on the patio. there's no garbage except the normal one bag of kitchen trash under the sink, which i take out regularly because i walk the dog 2x day. no ants, maggots, fruit flies, houseflies, silverfish other than a couple in the bathtub once in a while, no carpet beetles, couple moths once in a while. there are no piles of newspaper. i cant find any toxic materials, leaking containers, mold, asbestos, or anything along those lines. i dont smell mold, no one else who has been in here has smelled or seen mold. mold is pretty good at hiding, i guess i could run my dehumidifier and see if i improve over a week. its 55% humidity in here which is in the normal range and not damp.

the neighbors are not and have never been sick with anything environmental here, dont report any mold, and seem completely fine except when they get covid.

it could definitely be somatic illness from accumulated trauma. the partner i kicked out this year assaulted me. this stuff is completely possible to get very physically sick from with no other causes or justifications, but im not more depressed than baseline, not having nightmares, not struggling with abnormal intrusive thoughts, i just dont have any symptoms of trauma processing right now, and im extremely familiar with that stuff at this point.

one of my usual medications could be fucking me up somehow but i dont see any signs that that's the case either.

im still sick. all signs point to ongoing reactivation of latent virus (idk which one, one of the usual ones). ive been taking the antivirals and theyre not fixing me. it's not covid. i felt bett for a few days but im not sure why. dont think its any kind of food poisoning or toxicity

[a-v-j]

They freaking found me

Ok, so remember how i basically moved out from my old house about 3 months ago? I just wish to be forgotten but noooooo.

One ugly face i hoped to not see again till the day of their funeral, showed in front of my doorstep this morning. I DONT KNOW HOW, but FUUUUUUU

They gonna keep showing up now, threat me again with bullshit and demand some money that barely last ME a month, since they know where i am.

I need to accumulate about $500 to move again, the other rents here are more expensive than the one i currently live in

So people please commission me. I know i know i still got a list and is slow with it but i cant stand the idea of them coming back to harass me again, as if the slander they tell about me to my old neighborhood wasnt enough, all while playing victim. URGHHHHhhhh.

I really hate disclosing my real life issue but i really dont have money to do something about it and i don't want to be in debt to rl friends 'cause they are also broke

Update: we're still short on the goal but I guess a good news is that I figured out how i got found. Some snitch from the old neighborhood saw me and tattled like GOSH that's none of their business, man! Im trying to settle some business with them and im trying not to be violent, gotta keep my private life unsullied

Anyways, been on the process of finding a new home from the listing but so far not enough funds yet.

Update: i, uh, landed myself a job and training starts in about a week from now. We'll see where this will take me

Commission details can be found here

Paypal here

For support, my Patreon here(you'll get a glamrock bonnie sticker!)

Pasting rules here for everybody to see(for my page only. I could only pin one post but i have to paste my rules because there are followers who doesn't know these rules)

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Most especially if it’s a newly-made account and/or empty blogs or obviously recently filled with with likes from my work to not look empty

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*Do not submit to me your oc that isnt even related to my characters, im not gonna be some advertisement ad to showcase your stuff in my blog even if that’s not your intention and im not an art teacher who you be submitting your art to. Im sorry, i just can’t give any genuine opinion on things i didnt make or not interested in(it requires me to think harder than i should and I don’t want that) but im not saying your art is bad or anything

*Jesus, one ask from one person at a time. If curiosity gets the best of ya, compile it in one ask. Youre giving me quite a workout, kid

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*When sending an ask addressed to a character, make sure they are residents of Avjverse. See the full list here**. Asking a character i don't have will result in a block under the belief youre just deliberately doing it on purpose to spite me. So read for your own sake

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[ithisatanytime]

Vegetables are fucking bullshit. im not gonna proofread this, but if you want to lose weight this is literally the only thing besides surgery that will work and its not even hard at all i promise, this was not inspired by me being disgusted with fat women, as everybody knows im down with the thickness. not fat though, there is a wider range for men then women believe, but i guess they are mostly just trying to compete with each other (i dont actually believe this for a second, it is for men its just a subconscious instinct, manifesting consciously as a desire to compete or look good) i added this long as disclaimer because this is a lifelong interest of mine, i always talk about it, but i dont want some poor girl to read it and think i want her to go on a diet you are beautiful just as you are, but at the same time i didnt want past relationship girls to see me saying i was down with the thickness and think they were heavy, only one was heavy

  Dont get me wrong, i like vegetables, but they are honest to god a fucking scam. vegetables are CHEAP, especially grains and cerials, to be honest grains are less bullshit than leafy greens, but they are still kind of bullshit. you are made of fucking meat, thats what you are, all the stuff you need or pretty damn close, is found in meat, vegetables are mostly insoluble fiber, very low in calories, which despite what you have been led to believe is not a good thing. its nice to have a little roughage in your diet, but the idea that we should be eating primarily plant based food is fucking insane, and i suspect is a result of the sugar companies years long propaganda campaign against fat. for years they funded studies claming dietary fat or cholesterol caused fat to accumulate on the body, and cholesterol in the arteries, we have known since the seventies that these claims were false, but the propaganda campaign was so extensive, even doctors commonly fuck this up. you cant digest plants on your own, you need to recruit gut bacteria to ferment it in your bowels, in other words it rots in your guts making you bloated and gassy, all for just a tiny bit of calories, its ASS, because no one can live that way, your diet is failing because you arent eating enough meat. meat is food, its real food. no fucking animal would go through the trouble of evolving the necessary intelligence and hardware needed to have to KILL every single meal, if it wasnt so much better than the fucking grass and leaves that are everywhere, and grass is much easier to catch and kill than a gazelle,so why bother? because the gazelle is food, its made of the same building blocks you are, you are made of meat.

   Meat is much more readily digested in your body than plant matter, people think that meat constipates you and ive seen people say it sits in your gut for years, the opposite is true, meat is digested quickly and efficiently leaving behind almost no waste material whatsoever, meaning you arent pooping because you arent making poop, meat is digested almost completely where as plant matter is filled with fiber which passes through either completely unchanged or only mildly changed into a gel like substance in the case of soluble fiber.  but heres the real MEAT of this post (heh) fats and proteins from animal sources (meat) are far more satiating than carbs from plants, meaning a hundred calories of animal fats and’/proteins will keep you full for longer, than a hundred calories of carbs, and i can prove it, a boneless skinless chicken breast has 284 calories (very little fat but high in protein) thats less total calories than two cans of mountain dew, how long do you think you could last after eating a chicken breast vs drinking two mountain dews? there are 250 calories in a new york strip steak, thats less than two potatoes, i bet you could last all day if you ate a new york strip steak for breakfast, a potato and a half without butter or anything? you would crash by noon.

 Vitamins are fucking bullshit. as long as you get micronutrients into your body at some point, meaning you arent a third worlder who eats nothing but one kind of cheap food, you are getting vitamins, all of them, most of them and guess what, meat has literally all of the required vitamins your body needs in abundance, so long as you occasionally eat liver. but it hardly fucking matters, almost no one in the first world is seriously deficient in micronutrients (the vitamin d thing is bullshit, they miscalculated the requirements or there is some racial factor they refuse to aknowlege, because if fucking everyone is d3 deficient and doing just fine, then no one is. also d3 is found ONLY in animals, not in plants) its all about macro-nutrients FAT PROTEIN carbs, you are eating too much carbs, if you try to stop eating so much carbs you are going to fuck it up, i promise you, your body keeps track EVERY DAY, trying to maintain homeostasis, you will take one extra bite, you will measure your portions wrong, you will eat a whole goddamn cake because you are starving, your body is better at counting calories than you will ever be. so heres what you do, DONT TRY, if you have to try you will fail, you are working too goddamn hard, be realistic with yourself, a temporary diet is actually fucking meaningless, diets are for life. you cant sustain that horrible dumb ass bulshit girl magazines are trying to make you live on, NO ONE CAN, less than 6 percent of people who have lost significant amounts of weight will keep the weight off after a year. who the fuck knows after that as well, other than its certainly less than six percent. i am giving you the cheat code right now, all you have to do is take my word for it, do i seem like i spent years obsessing over this shit? because i have, heres the secret. all you have to do, nothing more, if you try to do more you are fucking up! all you have to do, is take your body weight, divide it by two, and try to get that many grams of protein per day, like your life depended on it, preferably from MEAT. preferably with fat! but honestly i dont fucking care. tbh if you are a girl, id shoot four 40-50 grams everyday, and heres the thing, please! do not go for lowfat, lean meats. you want meat with fat on it, preferably unprocessed, you can still eat hamburgers and sausages but dont make them the center piece of your diet, because they actually add fats in as part of the processing, you can stil leat it though, if you try to get your 40 grams of protein from lean meat like chicken breast alone, you will go crazy and quit, or you will just eat a bunch of carbs to make up for it. again, you want fat and protein. if for the next two months, you made it your goal to eat whatever the fuck you wanted (this is important) so long as you got 40 grams of protein a day, preferably from animal sources, preferably with fat, i promise you, not only will you lose weight like fucking crazy, but it wont even be hard at all, you will feel like you are fucking gorging yourself while slowly getting hotter. that being said, to us men, being hyper thin is not really all its cracked up to be, thats gay fashion designer shit, we like women to be soft, to contrast are hard muscular bodies.

[mariaantonnietta]

My bleach musings.

Bleach is a series I love and somentimes the mood strikes for me to talk about it, so here I will post some theories, thoughts, headcannons and even plot bunnies I've gathered. Of course spoilers ahead.

First, I really like how the whole business with zangetsu ended up for Ichigo, how all inner guiding was rendered fullfilled once he realised the simple truth that both zangetsu's were him. It really gave the impression that he found himself and was finally aware of all his power and how it worked. At the same time, it pains me he never actually explained it or used it fully, I felt dissconected from him, he knew now better than ever what his real power was, and I didn't do at all.

Unpopular opinion, I like the fullbrighter arc, I agree that it was a pain watching it be written at snail pace, and that the total change of setting felt bad then, but reading it again all in one go it's a fantastic piece of mentally torturing your protagonist, so well made how it explores ichigo fears and weak points, with tsukishima exploiting them one by one in a downrall spiral. I found myself wondering how far kubo could break him down...the conclusion here is that it would have been interesting if it went more like this, alas kubo heart is too soft(my is soft too I was relieved he was alright, I just felt the escape from the situation a little cheap. It made sense that people now helped him back, so it's alright) the real conclusion here is that kubo can write psicological pieces if he puts his mind into it.

I want to talk about hollows now, so bear with me. I heard some thing orctwo from the nocels, but I dod not read them and also they're kinda-like canon, so I will try to not mention them or to explain if at any point I get something from them what that is. And if something was explained another way in a novel, then anyways I like my headcanon too.

So, now, my personal hollow theory lesson:

First, hollows are plus that stayed too long in the world of living (generally souls go automatically to siul society, you stay in the living world if you have regrets 'chaining you' there) and whose chain broke with time as these regrets acumulatted, becoming a hollow.

Hollows renounced their hearts to calm the pain, and their remants now form a mask that protects them. Also, they have a hollow left behind that marks their empiness they now feel, they lack humanity and hunger from it. That's why they seek to eat souls, to fill that hole, but they will always remain hungry.

Now we all know some hollows start seeing other's hollows as prey. This has not to do with power level but with a personal thing, I believe. A hollow might always remain a hollow or migth want to eat others and eventually become gillian, and that's intristic on the hollow( think the horse and king discourse here).

Now what happens when someone is eaten by a hollow? Not with their power, with their souls? My headcannon goes as follows:

First do you remember how gillians are said to be hundreds our wills silenced and going numb and adchucas are born from the ones where a voice is stronger than the rest and wants to keep eating? Well, it's always like that. A soul eaten by a hollow becomes part of the hollow, totally suprimed by the primary conscience. They become part of him/her. It's a bit weird, but hear me out. Let's say a shinigami purifies a hollow that has eaten 99 souls. Then all 100 souls are retourned to soul society when they are purified. They return to the balance (quincy wiping out hollows from existance is dramatic) as different souls.

But at the same time, I think these souls do influence the primary mind (the king). Their accumulation does change a little bit the person, even if it's always fundamentally the first soul.

Also, I'm pretty sure there exist two types of eating. The total kind and the partial kind. The total kind gives more power and total control of the soul, the partial is when full can't be done. Partial eating stops the evolution on hollows and twists plusses into hollows of their own.

About shinigamis, I've heard somewhere that they soul reborns in the human world and only their body can be consumed, and at the end it makes a lot of sense. How else will shinigami die?(I think this also goes for anyone living in soul society, they're especially delicious to hollows because they give power but don't add up to the cacophony of voices they are constantly suppressing.(this is probably an instrictual thing they can't turn off)). Aaroniero is an special case like methalasia.

Another thing is that their memories should become murkier the more souls they eat. Hollows all have at least their loved ones on intrinsic memory when they're born (the ones that made you warm the ones you should it) so they all have some memory of their past lives at the start, but it surely gets murkier with more souls eaten. That being said, as hollows are lost souls at their bare, something always lingers with them. About plus souls in soul society, it said the probability is really small, but I think it also depends on who you encounter. If you met your mom when you arrive, you will remember her. (The boy and sado, the boy remembered sado and their promise, because they were connected). The probabilty of such encounter in tour entire lives on soul society is the improbable one, and if you didnt have a strong will to find them as you die I doubt you will even remember they existed. But strong impression might remain, when you don't expect them.

Now going back to hollows, another thing is their masks. It's tabú not only for shinigamis but between hollows themselves to destroy another's mask. (See nelliel reaction to nnoitra destroying her fraccions masks)Also, becoming an arrancar its more inner that destroting a mask, hollow masks grow back when destroyed (nel fraccion, also orihime's brother.)I think is implied by the later that they remember when they were human without it . But he was a new holloow so...what's clear is that they're at their most vulnerable without them, and that it will grow back to protect them. But it may not completely(grim fraccion, nel broken one)...it may cause a trauma that prevents it's vomplete regrow, but is not an advance but a wound, they cover it up. To break your mask to become an arrancar (naturally) must be an inner determination.

About hell, pretty sure hollows always go to soul society, and only can go to hell if they were evil in their human lives too. Soul reapers can go to hell. Also, it can happen that a hollow changes and becomes better and ends up not going to hell. Like, let's say nelliel was an horrible human, now as she changed in hueco mundo she won't end up in hell when she dies, you need to remain a bad person to go to hell.

I have more theories regarding resurrection, the other resurrection, and a lot more things, but this is long enough. Let me give a last thought for now.

Both Aaroniero and Szayel cases interest me, but let's focus a bit on szayel and his brother. I know about what the novel said(the cero espada stuff I find hilarious, it's another number pun: two ceros conjoined made an eight, when they are surperpossed they make again a cero), and what their backstory was in it, but let's ignore it now, even better, let's pretend it's false.

I really find interesting the reality where these two souls encountering is actually accidental.

Tell me, what are the odds, of two souls not only both becoming hollows and managing to miss each other(so the did not eat the other)...but both reaching adjuchas rank(or a adjuchas and a vasto lorde, same thing), and both reuniting, under the same, ambitious man? How infinitessimal the probabilities are? To not be killed by soul reapers or other hollows, to both becoming attracted to eat hollows, to both becoming and active voice in a gillian, to both becoming adjuchas and surviving (and one to vasto lorde if you want)...it's too low to be posible, that's why the novel explamation while not perfect does make more sense, but even so!

I really want to see that scientific face, being so throghtfully confronted by this imposible fate staring right back at him.

[zeynepbal]

Change

It s so strange that every change in me happens suddenly. I mean, I know they re not sudden changes but the result of accumulation and burst but I would like to go thru the path of change as most of the people experience; in a slow continiued phase..

However it happens in me like a burst when I wake up one day or just after a news I take

This time what caused it I dont know but for sure it s related with my keeping the biggest issues of me inside but showing the small nonsense ones to out and behaving or trying to be seem as reckless - and this is why I love social media since it helps you to fake people about yourself. You may act as a bitch on social media while living in a sacred temple of yours ; you may show yourself as a reckless person who parties every night and day but you may be reading books at home, or you may show yourself as a drunken sailor while sipping your milk at home via writing your future novel - yet, all of them may be you and noone might be sure about you except you and the people in your closest circle who sometimes know you better than you

Tho it seems it has no relation, I do feel that it will cause a burst in me in near future that I learnt yesterday my brother is leaving japan to brazil. At that very moment what I thought and told him was, something similar to stuff below

Before I came here I tried tı think about every single bad situation that I might be put into or I may put myself in. Tho I experience some of them there always were someothers that I d never expect but they were understandable for me after sometime since I think I started living my life here, after leaving turkey. Since I d never been all alone bymyself for a long time - meaning trying to do everything by myself or with the help of people who are not my family or friends of more than 10 years. So as time passes I became stronger and pity that lost my purity. Yes purity. Since even the jokes or stuff I laughed has changed in time and I became an adult more than a child now. And I was thinking I am prepared for anything now. However when he yold me yesterday he s leaving, I found out that and told him also that when even marcos left I didnt get aware of this feeling that: I tried to prepare myself for anything but I d never thought that people I love would leave... may be marcos was always not fond of japan so i was expecting it inside but my bro.. I got shocked. I mean I am not okay enough to tell how I feel in a good way I think but まとめ: it was another point that caused a change in me suddenly

Another thing : 3-4 days ago I wanted to write a blog but I had no 気持ちい to write it but it was the first step or warning of this change (upgrade) will arrive to me. I felt I was doing something wrong while comparing myself or other people inside and getting angry to myself or others. The only thing that I should have done should be comparing me with myself and if there s a race I should race mith myself to be better than me. I understood I should just focus on it.. then sth had happened and after months I bursted in the office to two people telling how I was feeling about one specific condition.. and they just tried to tell me what I understood 2 days ago from that day. I was about to cry because of my ambitions I remember.. and when I left the office to turn back home, I thought a lot about what we did talk and what I did think of 2 days before. This was another step to change I think (again after accumulation and my masking my true feelings for a long time)

So.. now , I am dying because of sth that I cant control in my body and I hate this situation however I feel kind a calm ( I hope it s not because of the extreme tiredness that I feel) and till yesterday I tried to write and share many feelings of mine ( OMG ı feel like I will erase this post I should end it quickly or..) then I said “to whom I am trying to explain myself” or “who are those people to know those”

Strange.

I remember for the first time in my life warning my friends ( up to me what I did was arrogancy but to normal people who are not as idiot as me, it was normal; but altho I thought it was arrogant I did it ) as “please dont do that since I dont want anyone to know about me. Not everyone you see around me or I smile or I behave kindly are my friends or even they might not be the people I like”

Lol. I still cannot believe I warned my dear friends plus I said sth unsincere ( it is exactly an unsincere behavior to other for old me... ) like that but it feels so right that I did it or am feeling in that way to other people.

Strange.

[werewolfwilds]

i redid an ask meme that i had originally done ~3 years ago to see the comparison so for archiving purposes im putting it in a lil journal entry here ! i wanna start doing small journal entries again it was fun when i did that

new answers bolded

1) what images do you have set for your desktop/cell phone wallpapers?

my desktop bg is literally just…. a collage of kageyama manga screencaps a h a,,,, and my cellphone bg are drawings some gay drew me like 74724 years ago :v // my desktop rn is actually a background from one of the dmmd routes LMFAO..... idk which one it is but i’ve always liked those bg pics!! my cell lock screen is p5 art and my bg is leopika

2) have you ever had a crush on a teacher?

nooooope // nah

3) what was your last text message?

my phone is dead so i wouldnt be able to tell you lmfao i dont even remember // it was a gif from kelly lol

4) what do you see yourself doing in 10 years?

hopefully working a job i enjoy and making costumes and being happy!! // god i have no idea and it freaks me out... hopefully working,,

5) if you could be anywhere else right now, where would you be?

hoommee ((or at katsucon tbh)) // at the beach with friends maybe

6) what was your coolest halloween costume?

a white cat probably lmao // i dont think ive ever had a particularly exciting halloween costume but one year i was sharpay from high school musical and i think i peaked then tbh

7) what was your favorite 90s show?

uhhhh….. i didnt really… start watching tv until like… the 2000′s so i really cant tell you man lol // spongebob started in 1999 does that coUNT,

8) who was your last kiss?

(answer redacted) // :/ someone should kiss me so i can change this answer lmao

9) have you ever been stood up?

nope //  nah

10) favorite ice cream flavor?

vanilla w/ vanilla oreos ok u need to underst a n d // this hasn’t changed i haven’t had this particular ice cream in a long time but i still stand by it

11) have you been to las vegas?

nahh // nope

12) your favorite pair of shoes?

idk i have these black ones i wear everywhere lol // i have a pair of white sneakers that i refuse to stop wearing now

13) honestly, have you ever cheated on your significant other?

i wouldnt even consider it. // no bc i’m not a piece of shit lmao?

14) what is your favorite fruit?

hmmm…. pineapple orrr…. strawberries but only if they’re the really good kind like they have to be perfect // pineapple!!

15) have you talked to anyone on tumblr that you could see yourself  dating/having sex with? if possible?

….. ye s… yes. // in the past apparently so but thinking about it now nah lol

16) are you into hookups? short or long term relationships?

hookups arent my thing eh i prefer long term relationships altho i cant really say ive been in a “long” term relationship pffff // i don’t think hookups will ever be my thing, emotionally long term relationships are what i’m here for but i’m also a Very Impulsive Person so i cant tell you if this will stay a fact :’)

17) do you smoke? if so, what?

nope dont wanna // no thanks

18) what do you do to get over your anger?

usually talk to people or shout into word // i have to vent about it to someone probably a thousand times even months or years after it happens tbh

19) do you believe in god?

nahh // nah

20) does the person you’re in love with know it?

i aint in love with anyone rn so no? // i’m not in love with anyone.

21) favorite position?

………….. for w hat………. // oh honey lmfao... N/A

22) what’s your horoscope sign?

virgo/ox ovob // Virgo/sun, Aries/moon, Libra/rising and Cancer/midheaven

23) your fears?

literally everything i already named a few so ill name some others… ghh anything in… the ocean or lakes and stuff frightens me and i really dont know why bu tlike…. fish and crabs and jellyfish and seaweed cuz it’s evil and stu f f basically anything that’s not a mammal or turtles or penguins…. lo l im a baby // uncertainty is a big fear of mine and also people being mad at me lmao... as far as physical fears though i have debilitating fears of almost all insects/arachnids and lobsters/shrimp/crawfish :^)))))

24) how many pets do you have? what kind?

two cats and a dog!! // one cat one dog

25) what never fails to turn you on?

i dunno,,/////// // lol neck biting/kissing oof

26) your idea of a perfect first date?

im okay with mostly anything i just really like spending time with the person ; v ; // i’ve never really had an answer for this? thinking about dates has always made me so anxious for whatever reason but i’ll be happy to just spend time with them doing whatever honestly, i’m a super indecisive person aha

27) what is something most people don’t know about you?

i dont really know tbh lmfao // i’ve considered in the past looking into mental conditions (anxiety/bpd/etc) to see if i might have one or two but i never want to say anything about it because i don’t want to self-diagnose anything.

28) what makes you feel the happiest?

nice weather and nice conversations w/ best people u//v//u // nice weather and hanging out with people who are fun and easy to talk to

29) what store do you shop at most often?

does….. arda wigs count or… // does arda wigs still count bc mood lmao but truthfully now it’s probably target

30) how do you feel about oral? giving and/or receiving?

kkdkjsfkjkjfj??fsfj/// go for i t??? i have no problems with i t??? i dont think ill ever be willing to put a dick in my mouth though // these random sexual questions thrown in here are something aren’t they lmao. not going to disclose much but i will stand by the fact that i will not put a dick in my mouth lo l

31) do you believe in karma?

sometimes ye // i believe that people will eventually get what’s coming to them but i don’t believe in karma as a solid concept if that makes sense? like i don’t think it’s guaranteed

32) are you single?

yup yup // yeah it’s been wild lmao

33) do you think flowers or candy are a better way to apologize?

i think being sincere is the best way to apologize– if you truly mean it the person will know. you dont need to buy your forgiveness. // the best way to apologize is just to apologize sincerely and change your behavior if it’s applicable.

34) are you a good swimmer?

ehh??? im ok i guess– i took swimming lessons as a kid but i havent done legit swimming ever since then lmao,, ive always been best at the backstroke tho yea // i mean i have the ability to swim but i’m not olympic-worthy or anything lmao

35) coffee or tea?

ehhh im not big on either tbh // chocolate milk and you can fight me

36) online shopping or shopping in person?

depends what your shopping for i guess?? online is more relaxed i guess // online probably because shopping in person Gives Me Anxiety

37) would you rather be older or younger than your current age?

ehhh im happy where i am tbh // older

38) cats or dogs?

do not make me choose // cats and dogs* there i fixed it for you

39) are you a competitive person?

ahaa,,,,, oh god yeah,, // OOF yeah

40) do you believe in aliens?

i believe there’s life on other planets somewhere?? so i guess?? // i believe in aliens in the sense that there’s no way we are the only living life forms in the universe but not in the science-fiction way you feel me

41) do you like dancing?

i do but i suck at it lmao // i do but i: A- suck, and B- have no stamina

42) what kind of music to you listen to?

nearly everything tbh // i’m not picky when it comes to music but imma be real w u. almost all of the music on my phone is kpop. seventeen is my favorite group along with astro, and i also enjoy super junior, shinee, red velvet, etc among so many others,,, im pretty wide spread !

43) what is your favorite cartoon character?

i will never be able to pick just one // i’ll literally never be able to answer this

44) where are you from?

philadelphia uvu // philly!

45) eat at home or eat out?

hmmm at home. // at home

46) how much more social are you when you’re drunk?

i never plan on being drunk tyvm // i’ve never consumed alcohol in my life and to be Quite Fucking Honest i want nothing to do with it

47) what was the last thing you bought for yourself?

bracelets ! ; u ; // uh... excluding food and music... earrings i think

48) why do you think your followers follow you?

uhhhhhhh lmfao i have no idea i think… a good amount are for my cosplays at least?? or id like to think so lmfao but i really dont know pfft // my followers have just accumulated and hung around over the years... i know i gained a good amount from my snk days as arlert-the-troops and then through my haikyuu phase, whether it was for my cosplay or other posts that i made... whenever someone follows me now im not entirely sure what its for but i appreciate everyone who’s stuck around!

49) how many hours do you sleep at night?

it’s never regular man // 6-9 (lol) hours is pretty normal for me

50) what worries you most about the future?

everything tbh // the future as a concept worries me lol

[somnilogical]

refinement of actuator

scott: Stuff     [May. 8th, 2010|01:55 am]

Scott

Here are two of my Ideas For Society Optimizing Websites That I Would Make A Fortune Off Of If I Were Some High-Powered Go-Getter Silicon Valley Entrepreneur Person, Which I Am Definitely Not, Even Though I Got An Article Of Mine Near The Top Of Hacker News Once And Will Probably Never Let Anyone Forget It:

Start a site (or app) to organize boycotts and petitions. Boycotting is a coordination problem. If a million people boycott (to take a topical example) BP, then BP will be forced to change its evil ways and everyone wins. But on an individual level, boycotting is always a net loss - it's inconvenient for me to drive to a different gas station, but the loss of a single person's business one way or the other won't affect BP at all. This is why a company can do horrible things and get away with it - and one of the reasons why I disagree with libertarians who say the market will naturally take care of evil companies.

What we need is a site where I can promise to join a boycott if and only if the boycott gets a certain number of members. For example, I register and "friend" the BP boycott page, which has been pre-made by some activist to read "We want 1 million people to boycott BP until they donate a billion dollars to cleaning up oil spills." I don't immediately have to do anything. But once the millionth person signs up, the site sends me an email saying "Your BP boycott is now active; please stop buying BP products." All of a sudden, BP has a huge problem and will probably give in, at which point the site can send me an email saying I can stop boycotting them.

This is useful to consumers, because it removes the risk from boycotts - they don't have to join it unless it would work. It's useful to organizers, because they can convince and organize consumers more easily. And it's useful to corporations, because they know exactly how many people are boycotting them at a certain time and why - and because if they're smart they'll do whatever it takes to prevent that page from getting a million people!

Along with boycotts, the same mechanism would help get donations to charities and political campaigns (ie "I'd like to donate to the Libertarian Party, but they have no chance of winning if only one person donates, so I'll donate $100 if and only if I know they can raise $10 million." And then once the number of pledges gets above $10 million, it'll activate all those pledges, and all the Libertarians can donate knowing that their donation is going to be useful and their party actually has a chance of winning.

(the same could very well be done with votes, but I don't know if it would be legal. The government tends to get kind of touchy when voting is involved.)

Again, there's the problem of enforcement. The honor system would probably work pretty well here, but you could get a deal with PayPal to give an option to verify anything that involves paying money.

A somewhat primitive example of this kind of thing are Facebook groups like Once we reach 4,096 members, everyone will donate $256 to SingInst.org. I use the plural "groups like", but this is the only one I've actually seen (I haven't really been looking).

And speaking of Facebook, my second idea is a Facebook dating app.

https://squid314.livejournal.com/270489.html

-- yud:

Simplicio: Regardless, I’m not seeing what the grand obstacle is to people solving these problems by, you know, coordinating. If people would just act in unity, so much could be done!

I feel like you’re placing too much blame on system-level issues, Cecie, when the simpler hypothesis is just that the people in the system are terrible: bad at thinking, bad at caring, bad at coordinating. You claim to be a “cynic,” but your whole world-view sounds rose-tinted to me.

Visitor: Even in my world, Simplicio, coordination isn’t as simple as everyone jumping simultaneously every time one person shouts “Jump!” For coordinated action to be successful, you need to trust the institution that says what the action should be, and a majority of people have to trust that institution, and they have to know that other people trust the institution, so that everyone expects the coordinated action to occur at the critical time, so that it makes sense for them to act too.

That’s why we have policy prediction markets and… there doesn’t seem to be a word in your language for the timed-collective-action-threshold-conditional-commitment… hold on, this cultural translator isn’t making any sense. “Kickstarter”? You have the key concept, but you use it mainly for making video games?

https://www.lesserwrong.com/posts/x5ASTMPKPowLKpLpZ/moloch-s-toolbox-1-2

-- somni:

agent a the **host** can set up a

**punchstopper:**    >text description    >n, the number of emails required to trigger the mass email    >what the mass email says this generates a link to the punchstopper than the host can share    >(optional for the host to complete) textbox to set up a password

agent b the **participant** gets a link to the host's punchstopper. when they click the link they arrive at a wepage that has

   >the host's text description    >a textbox below the word 'email'    >(if the host set it up) a textbox underneath the word 'password'

after there are n distinct email addresses, the mass email is sent out to all n addresses

(optional) there is a way for people to afterwards let the site know whether or not they actually did the task. an optional textbox for saying why they did or didnt.

this could be implemented via a link in the mass email or a way to log in to the contract

metacognition is good and we're gonna want to know if the intervention is working and why

-- anon:

- A Creator creates an Item.  - An Item has the following properties:    - A Name.    - A Description.    - A Threshold.    - A Password, known only to Password-Bearers.    - A Success Message. - An Email belongs to an Item, is unique per Item, and has the following properties:  - An Address.  - A Verification Key, which is randomly generated and, barring a security breach, does not expose the Email.  - A Verification Status, which is boolean.  - When an Item has yet to reach its Threshold:    - Password-Bearers may:      - See how many Signups the Item has.      - See how many Verified Signups the Item has.      - Edit the Success Message. (They may not edit the Name, Description, Threshold, or Password.)    - Users may:      - Sign up for the Item:        - Input an email address, to which a Verification Message is sent, containing a Verification Key and a URL that may be followed to apply it.      - Verify their signup by applying the Verification Key.  - Once the Item has accumulated a number of Verified Signups equal to or greater than the Threshold:    - It is no longer available for signup.    - The Success Message is sent to all Verified Signups, along with a Survey Invitation, consisting of a free-form text box, the contents of which are stored in Survey Results. This Survey Invitation is linked to the Verification Key.    - Password-Bearers may:      - View the Survey Results.      - View what percentage of Verified Signups submitted Survey Results. -- site: http://actuator.herokuapp.com/ code: https://gitlab.com/vrtrahan/actuator

[wallpapernifty]

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[vampirekriztian-gotha-blog]

Hiya folks!<3 so here’s a bio on Kriztian down under the “read more” and y’knw the drill, u can either hmu or like this intro post if you wanna plot connections or anything with him! <33 (pls do as i would love lots of connections for him as well!:)) )

ok so he’s from the old Gotha royal family in germany as u can digest from his url, and he’s the oldest sibling i think (for now ).  Despite him being older than Victoria (the current queen) he never ever wanted the throne/ become king and his stubborn refusal to become the heir for the throne was very strong when he was young due to his younger personality who didnt want the vry heavy and very difficult responsiblities of a king.

ok so back when he was younger, before he turned 500 XD, he was actually a very care-free, v happy, very playful,  vry  active, a bit of fun-loving,  full of life, and def couldn't care less about his royal duties/responsibilities kind of guy.  He loved to gallivant about hvaing fun and seeking adventures and often would shirk his royal duties/responsibilities, and never took his royal lessons seriously except for the lessons/subjects he was interested in. He was also at that time, very flirtatious, pretty romantic and a very charming playboy. He also didnt really care much about his attire at that time, preferring simple and easy to wear clothing instead of elegant and finely -made garments and stuff.  He was very skilled at sports hence  he naturally took to his fighting as a vampire lessons very well and easily, thus paving the way to become one of the most top skilled vampire fighters around. (but all he’s fighting is mostly to defend himself or people as he hates the thought of murdering people for fun) And so, bcos he wanted to get out of ever inheriting the throne and instead would rather his next sibling have it, he rebelled against his heir duties a few times, tried his dammnest to prove he  wasn't worthy of the crown to his parents and openly refused his parents to become heir to the throne whenever they tried to talk or convince him. So his exasperated parents eventually gave up and let Victoria, their 2nd child be the crown princess instead, to which Kriztian happily & quickly stepped down as heir when they finally made that decision.

When he was 500 yrs old, he met a  human girl and soon fell deeply and madly in love with her. They got married and he was blissfully happy with his wife and it was actually her who got him to change his ways and become a more serious, matured, and responsible person thus he began to take his royal duties properly and seriously since then. He settled down and eventually became less of an adventure& thrill-seeker, content with his current life. And when his wife eventually became pregnant, he was beyond ecstatic and both of them became very excited and so eager to meet their child.

However his whole world came crashing down when his wife became deathly ill due to a fatal disease during the last trimester of her pregnancy and desperate Kriztian searched the whole country for a way to cure her, any way, even magical ways.

he finally met a witch who claimed she could magically save his wife and baby from death if he paid her an extravagant sum of gold in return. HIghly desperate and not thinking clearly, he agreed and paid her instantly and she chanted some sort of spell and did some magical ritual. however, was actually very sadly conned by a selfish and greedy witch, as poor Kriztian then watched the whole terrible process of his beloved human wife dying because of the disease and also due to a very difficult childbirth process. His baby also eventually came out as a stillborn.

  Kriztian then almost grew mad with grief and was completely wrecked, suffering hard in the aftermath of their deaths. He made a complete wreckage of their large home , destroying almost everything in the house , and firing all his staff. he isolated himself in the house, refused to come out for weeks on end, and only a few of his closest family members were permitted to enter to see him. he then even tried to starve himself whenever his family tried to send bags of blood for him to eat in hopes that he could wile away to death to join his late wife and child. It wasn;t till one day, one of his siblings found him in the early process of standing at the wide open sunny windows of his hallway with his daylight ring thrown away, trying to burn himself to death. Thankfully due to his age and strength of his powers he would take about 25-30 mins to eventually be fully incinerated and die , so his sibling was only about 10 mins into kriztian’s suicide  process and managed to save that stupid fool.

Enough was enough. His whole family grouped together on him with his closest friends and determinedly had an intervention with him. After days of endless ways to get thru to him, they finally made a breakthrough, knock some sense into him and made him see the light a little bit, thanks to (1 or 2 siblings and his best friend) he was then strongly told & encourages to   travel far away to help get over his grief and hopefully his late wife. He then did so and travelled far and wide around the world for about a 150 years or so. And slowly he did manage to overcome his grief and heal from the loss but he could never let go for his  love of his late wife so till this day his still holding back a small piece of her in his heart, thus blocking him frm ever wanting to pursue any romantic relationships at all till now. To him, she was his only one and true love for his whole lifetime (tho im hoping that his eventual new bride will eventually change all of that XD)

It was thru his travels that he accumulated more years of combative experience that further  helped shaped him to one of the strongest, extremely quick-thinking and highly skilled fighter vampires around. And like i said earlier, he never killed or seriously wounded any being for pleasure. He only fought or killed when it was absolutely necessary, in which most cases were situations where he had to defend himself or protect others, or save humans or even to help his few closest friends defend their home.

he also met another witch who used him to get her revenge on his family for some accidental wrong they did to a relative of hers in the past. She’s the one who caused the many fading scars on his body u can see now. Thus, it was due to his 2 very bad experiences with witches, which stemmed his current distrust and dislike for most of their kind.

He finally returned home about 100 plus years ago and came back wiser and less troubled. he then resumed his princely duties very seriously in honor of his late wife who he knew would have wanted him to live his life responsibly. And his current great attention to being elegantly and finely dressed as well as being super neat and organized is also of her influence somewhat when she was living XD

Thus his current personality now is of he’s very responsible, serious for most of the time, distant & aloof with many people except for a few trusted longtime friends and his family ofc (due to him having a few experiences of his trust being broken during his travels  and a lil disillusioned of there being many actually honest pure beings  left). He’s  a man of a few words half the time, and when he does converse, he tries to get quickly and clearly to the point most of the time unless ur talking about something he’s interested in or like in my starter he’s irritated abt the current situation and annoyed about his precious suit getting damaged XD. he’s also pretty stoic and doesn’t really like showing much expressions or feelings. The only times you can catch him giving warm, genuine smiles & have great convos with is when he’s with family members or very close friends or with his beloved citizens and when his around kids (as they’re his weakest & softest spot currently)

he can a be a teensy bit  selfish at certain/particular times and he will only help people in distress if they genuinely need help and can’t solve the problem at all or if they’re 100 not capable of saving themselves, he cares for humans as he sees them as being quite the weaker beings in comparison to the supernaturals so those are the ones he would instantly and readily save if they r in danger. Other supernaturals it depends on various few factos hehe XD However, he’s loyal, v protective over he people he cares about, quite good-hearted and has pretty smart and quite cultured brains. and as mentioned, earlier he’s somewhat well-mannered, very neat and organized. He also can be a bit grumpy and moody sometimes.

he was initially very reluctant and refused to go thru the arranged marriage plan. However, he eventually relented for the sake of peace and political alliance. He’s still not really looking forward to it tho tho he has finally readied himself to treat his fiancee with respect and be cordial towards her and try to get along with her cos he has no time for conflicts. Oh and also protect her from harm as he currently sees her as vulnerable being. he was actually relieved to find out that he was being matched with a human cos witches (big no-no), vampires and hybrids(they would live forever and he would be stuck in this “marriage” for his whole long lifetime) and werewolves ok but he found that female werewolves which he encountered in the past, tend to get possessive due to their carnal  wolf side and he had no intention of being with a werewolf wife when they were in heat XD. That’s cos he secretly has  NO INTENTION AT ALL OF BEDDING HIS WIFE PERIOD. he doesn’t want to risk the chance of getting her pregnant as he is still afraid of her potentially dying at a gruesome childbirth. So his plans for his marriage is for them to be if possible, distant, agreeable partners as he isn’t planning on opening his heart & falling in love ever again  or to get too attached by becoming vry caring and super best friends, they can be friends if she wishes but only to a certain degree. So he’s planning on keeping her at arm’s length till she dies of old age or unfortunate sickness.  (BUT OFC WICKED OLD ME, HAS LOTSA PLANS FOR HIS CHARA DEVELOPMENT, SO MOST OF HIS NEGATIVE VIEWS, TRAITS AND PLANS WILL HOPEFULLY CHANGE DOWN THE ROAD, hehe)

I APOLOGIZE IF ANY OF U HAD TO SUFFER READING THRU THIS LONG-ASS BIO AS I GOT CARRIED AWAY AND I TEND TO BE A LITTLE BIT FLOWERY, VERY DESCRIPTIVE, AND KINDA DETAILED & LONG-WINDED IN MY WRITING. KUDOS AND ALL MY ETERNAL LOVE TO ALL WHO READ THIS TILL THE END<3 < 3 ;D

[fenfyre]

Ive got a question! How do you manage to write continuously? Ive been struggling a lot in that area since I dont write that often, but when i do its 4k words. You seem to write pretty regularly. Do you have some tips for those who fail to do so? And how can my writing attract attention? when i post something and it only gets 2 likes and no reblogs its pretty unsatisfying... keep being awesome! and keep up the great work~ -a secret admirer who hopes that their english grammar didnt sound too bad

First of all thank you for your message and please don’t worry, your English is fine! I wouldn’t have known you’re not a native speaker if you hadn’t mentioned it (but maybe that’s cause I’m also not a native speaker, who knows).I am definitely no authority on good writing habits and there’s as many different ways to write as there’s writers out there. But you asked how I manage to write regularly so I’ll just tell you about my habits. Just keep in mind this is what works for me personally, you can tweak and change my tips however you want to make them fit for you!I think it’s important to mention that I don’t always manage to write as much as I do right now. That’s mostly because I have a lot of free time at the moment. When I’m stressed I write way less, maybe once or twice a week or not at all. Because then I’m tired and don’t have any motivation left after a long day at uni and let’s face it, writing is damn hard. But I also greatly enjoy it, creating something makes me feel good about myself and helps me cope in difficult situations. So when motivation is low and I feel like just crawling into bed instead of sitting down in front of the laptop I try to remind myself that writing is not some chore I need to get done but that it’s something I truly, deeply love and that I’ll feel so much better after getting a few words down.That’s one of the first steps for me. Making writing precious and part of my me time, thinking of it as a form of self-care. Maybe keeping a little writing journal can help with developing a positive attitude towards writing. Just jot down a few words about your mood before and after each writing session. If you’re similar to me you might notice a trend that looks like this “Before: tired, annoyed, anxious. After: proud, more relaxed and happy”Then I make sure to choose a time for my writing where I can be uninterrupted and focus just on the task on hand. Maybe that’s early in the morning before classes, in the afternoon after work or at night before bed, all depends on when I can make time to be productive for a bit. I get cozy, make myself some tea and get a few snacks, put on some music (I generally like instrumental or sometimes indie for the smuttier stuff) and get to work. Before I start I always have a certain goal in mind, usually to hit 750 words. That was the number to hit every day during a challenge I took part in years ago and that kind of stuck with me. I work in 25 minute intervals, taking small breaks to review my process and it usually only takes me two of those to hit my goal. See, I’m not a particularly fast writer, I average about 900-1000 words an hour and getting down 4k like you in a single setting would be near impossible for me, even on a good day where I do nothing but write. But that’s fine, everyone has their own style. I managed to build somewhat of a habit, 50 minutes of writing a day. 50 minutes of me time to reboot and refresh and that accumulates with time into longer stories.I also recently started using a free app to track my writing, where I can put in what projects I’m working on with overall and daily word count goals, a writing log and graphic charts to track my progress, reminders to write and all kinds of neat little gimmicks. It’s called Writeometer in the Playstore if you want to take a look. It also keeps track of your writing streak so there’s an extra nudge not to slack off when you’ve built a nice one. Definitely helps to keep the momentum going!Another big motivation for me is to post here, get a bit of feedback and feel like people are waiting for more. I’ve been really lucky with and so grateful for all my sweet followers who keep supporting me, reblogging my things and sending cute messages. But it’s hard to get out there and I understand the frustration of working hard on something, being proud of it, wanting to share it and not getting any feedback at all. I’ve been there. Still am a lot of the time, depending on what I’m working on. I’m not a big name myself and I deeply appreciate every note floating my way.It’s hard for writers on tumblr. Fics are so much harder to consume than fanart, you can’t tell by a single glance if you like them and want to share them, blobs of text don’t look cute on blogs and many people don’t take the time to work their way into a story when they’re just idly scrolling down their dash. That doesn’t mean artists don’t deserve every bit of the attention they’re getting! It just would be nice for writers to be recognized as well. But that’s not something we can really help so here’s a few things you can do:Get out there, make friends and have fun with them! Reach out inside your fandoms and see if you can get connected, maybe visit streams of artists you like to get to know people (shoutout to fabulous sintral, I still love you all very much I’m just a little shit!) or just beat down your anxiety enough to message someone whose blog you enjoy. Offer to fill prompts or write fic for fanart you adore. It’s insanely flattering to get art for your fics or fics for you art and if they brag and squee about it, that’s exposure. And you made someone happy! (This isn’t to say you should only try to make friends to get more notes on your work, that’s kind of a dick move. I’m just saying that getting connected is fun and will help get your stuff out there).It’s also helpful to not chill in mostly dead fandoms all the time (like me) (sorry snk fandom I heard there’s shit happening again soon. Hang in there). I got the most feedback on the Yuuri on Ice fics I wrote when the fandom was at it’s peak. So where there’s actually lots of people there’s more chances of being recognized. Though I also understand if your passion lies somewhere less crowded. Don’t force yourself to write something just because you think you might reach more people with it.Overall I’m not an expert on how to best attract attention. I think a lot of it is just luck and persistence. Keep writing, keep putting yourself out there, have a good time and in the end you’ll find cool people with similar interests. At least that worked for me?All the best to you, anon! And if there’s any more questions feel free to send me another message.

[argaliaofficial]

i started typing this earlier but then had to go to work so now im just gonna finish it so i get it off my chest

back when i was with my first ex, meg, we went to this private christian school i prolly made a post about this on here before but its topical right now i didnt sleep at all and im tired enough to spill my fucking guts out some more 

so anyway we went to this private christian school and thats when it happened. ive honestly repressed a lot of my time there i was not doing great but what i do remember just makes me feel sick. like, meg aside, the school just sucked. 

for context the way it was set up was that we had “placement tests” to see where we were in subjects like math and english, and however we did made us get placed in PACEs according to our skill level. in theory this is fine i suppose, but the thing was that there were no alternatives to the PACEs. 

PACEs were part of the learning curriculum of our school which was ACE- Accelerated Christian Learning. they were basically little study pamphlets that went over instructions on how to learn certain subjects and whatnot, while also having a christian perspective on things. scripture verses were abundent in them, and they had like a continuous series of comics going in there about their character Ace Virtuson and friends. 

Along with the PACEs, the classrooms were set up like an “office” of sorts with cubicles that you sat in. For me honestly that was one of the many hells because it was so cramping and clinical and I just do not learn well in that sort of environment. so you’d sit quietly for like 8 hours a day with occassional breaks with nothing but your PACE pamphlets to work on. you couldnt speak to any body, and if you needed help, there was a flag system in place where you’d put a flag up and have to sit around and wait for a teacher to come assist you, and usually their assistance only lasted briefly because theres countless OTHER students to get to, and nepotism is a thing and if they dont like you or think of you as a problem kid, you’re less likely to get the aid you need.

i was one of those problem kids. 

early on, i could manage that set up when my work was easier, but when i hit “high school age” and got into more advance work i began to suffer horribly. it didnt help that at this time, i got with meg, but less about her right now and more about how this school system fucking failed me and others tbh 

i do not learn by reading information. at least, i dont retain it. i need to discuss with people, with my peers and professors. i need one on one sometimes, especially with math- my biggest struggle. but how the school was set up made that sort of learning almost impossible. your peers were all at different levels, so group discussion was rare. their were attempts, but they never lasted long, and the extent of the help basically surmounted to the teachers just reading what the PACEs already said and vaguely explaining more, and that blew. 

so, me, being a hands on group learner who has to talk and listen to even retain information and needs to be allowed to move around often instead of being cramped up, started to fall behind in my studies. badly. and of course, instead of the teachers trying to asses WHY it was you were falling behind, you got written up and had to have your parents sign a slip. you could get written up for a few things and these were always detentions of sorts. usually they were lunch but if you were bad enough you’d get an after school one. i accumulated these almost once a day and after a while i got tired of having my parents sign them EVERY SINGLE day and just forged their signatures. i got away with that like 75% of the time lol 

like they were just for the same shit ‘oh ur kid didnt do their homework blah blah ur kids out of dress code blah blah” and so i was just “whatever” because like... nothing seemed to change i was just being perpetually punished for being unable to keep up in my studies. my parents tried to get a math tutor for me but halfway thru i think freshman year she moved and that was that

i got so fucking sick of just being behind while my other peers seemed to be moving forward that i started bullshitting my work just to get thru. ofc that didnt do anything because i wasnt learning the work, and because i lied about my answers and cheated i got punished again. and i was just like “whatever” 

i cried all the time. parent teacher conferences were hell. i always cried. it felt like i couldnt convey to them why i was such a fuckup. like i wasnt making sense, or i was being overemotional. instead of trying to make changes they just talked about how i had to work harder. least i think. i’ll be honest i always just disassociated during those meetings before going into meltdown mode.

on top of that, i was in a “gay” relationship with a classmate, and lots of bad stuff happened. ive always had an overactive imagination. great for being a wannabe artist. not so great when youre already an easily manipulated undiagnosed autistic child. me, her, and my current gf actually had our own little world! thinking back on this now, for me at least it was escapism to try and just cope with how miserable i was at school 

i dont know how soon in the “relationship” it was before things got sexual. my concept of time during those years at foursquare is so scattered. according to posts ive seen on dA me and her were together or at least “friends” for 2 years? so actually i think my saying “freshman year in high school” is inaccurate and things got bad the tail end of middle school and continued until i was a sophomore before switching schools.

ANYWAY, so yeah, along with all this school nonsense, i was in a gay relationship, one that was abusive in many aspects. ofc at the time i didnt know that i was being abused! i just thought yknow her forcing herself into me sexually was kinda par the course and i was already kinda a sexually curious kid growing up so like.. i was looking for that i guess? it hurting cuz she went in dry is just to be expected, yadda yadda. pretty sure i cried? and i know for a fact that i still sleep in the room where she raped me like that and its sometimes just “yea i was literally right in that spot when i was raped lol”

and she would constantly want me to touch her sexually too, and when i said “no” and pulled my hand away that she had been trying to force down her pants because i wasnt personally ready to do that she’d always complain and make me feel bad cuz i wasnt comfortable touching her. “i always get you off but you never get me off!” 

and at the time i didnt just tell her to fuck off cuz i didnt know any better. i didnt know that it was ok for me to not be ready to do that. i thought i was a bad person for not being ready to pleasure my partner, even tho its not my fault if shes ok w/ pleasuring me, and im ok with being pleasured (even tho tbh it was hit or miss sometimes she just did it lol), but im not ready to touch her, i guess? and like i tried to communicate with her and im pretty sure i told her that if she didnt wanna jerk me off cuz i couldnt do it to her yet that was fine but whatever

on the fourth of july she started groping me out in public while we watched the fireworks and i remember trying to get her to stop cuz i wasnt comfy with doing this in public cuz a) this was years ago and homophobia was a lot more common especially in this boonies town and b) i dont like seeing other couples being handsy in public so i dont want to be handsy in public either

and i remember while shes groping my chest and im trying to get her to stop theres this group of older kids in front of us and they see. and they start snickering. they started snickering at the sight. and i was so mortified and wanted to die.

looking back those kids should get hit by a fucking bus for laughing at someone getting molested and being obviously uncomfortable with it but i guess its funny cuz “lesbians! haha look at that pervy lesbo touching that other lesbian!”

and thats the story of why every fourth of july i want to kill myself

things kept progressing, ofc. i remember one night, while we were camping, i finally caved and fingered her. i forced myself to think “yeah ok i can do this” and i just thought the crippling anxiety i felt was cuz i was nervous to be intimate with my girlfriend for the first time like this, but really i was probably scared she was gonna hurt me since by that point she had. she had made herself perfectly clear in her mannerisms and tone of voice that she was stronger and bigger than me and could hurt me. 

and a few occasions she did. one time she started choking me so badly that i honestly thought “oh my god, shes going to kill me here at school”. i still sometimes feel her nails digging into my throat, and i dont think ive ever been as terrified in my life as i was in that moment. i dont think she would have stopped had a teacher not intervened. 

there was only one time i ever hit her, and that was before school started, and i had finally lost my shit over how much she kept fucking with me. all i remember was i came to school angry at her. over what i dont remember. she was always toying with my emotions, and i think that it had built up over the time that i finally snapped walked into class before school started, walked over to where she and alyss were talking, and a slapped her across the face before i walked over to my desk

i dont think i got in trouble for that cuz no one snitched? idk i mightve, but i didnt care. i was angry at her, angry at the school, and suicidal. 

i remember one time during a break i was crying. a teacher from another class came up to me and asked what was wrong. i told her i wanted to die. she just looked at me all uncomfortable. i think she mightve said something before walking off?

nothing came of that. 

i was more worried that i would get in trouble for being in a gay relationship than as apposed to thinking that these teachers- people who are supposed to protect their students- would help me. i gave up on them even recognizing the signs of me being abused. i feel like they wouldnt have even taken it as seriously as we were both “girls”, and this was back before talk of how women can be abusive was more common place. abuse was still strictly seen as male on female violence. and to some people, gay violence was comedic. 

eventually, one night, it all came to light. at least, that she and i were sexually involved. that week was a blur. she was taken out of school. it was brushed under the rug. everyone trying to save face i guess and keep other kids from finding out, but somehow i always felt like they knew. they knew that she was taken out of school because of me. because we were gay

i tried to move on, but my studies never got better. i just grew more jaded. i never did any work. i mouthed off to the teachers, continued getting detentions and just plainly stopped caring. no one could get me to do anything. i would play hooky. 

and that was just.... my life. perpetual anger at a system that failed me spectacularly. to this day i still hate that place. i cant be there. i was groped and molested and it was treated like nothing

so yeah

thanks for listening to my ted talks

[crown-eater]

A maze of pain and insane fantasies

Over the course of the past week, ‘Choly had been making a genuine effort to start moving into Cecil’s apartment beyond simply leaving a few belongings here and there as he came and went. Things hadn’t quietened down on the Bell front, but his landlady had served him yet another "final notice” that felt more ominously terminal than the others that had come before it. So between acclimating to his metagenesis and running errands for Bell, Chalcedony, and the Tellurides, he had found himself doing his best to at least scavenge the important things.

Like the leg lamp.

The leg lamp caused a huge fuss, and it ended up in the garbage at least twice. Cecil hated the thing, but it was one of ‘Choly’s most cherished possessions, one of the few things he felt his mother’s hoarding habits had yielded to benefit. He had no idea why it existed, or what cultural significance it might have had, but it was his and he loved it. Ultimately the lovers had to agree to disagree, and the leg lamp moved around the apartment as Cecil repeatedly disowned it. ‘Choly always returned it to the side-table beside the daybed he’d taken for his own.

'Choly had a sizable collection of physical copy novels, including his most prized possessions Roadside Picnic and Crash, the former of which being a nearly verbot relic and thrill token, a tangible piece of Quarter history. But, the stack of roughly a dozen novels paled as child’s play compared to the walls of Cecil’s apartment so densely lined with bookshelves that he also used them as sectional dividers. Cecil had been spelunking to rescue books since childhood, and he cultivated two very different collections from the life’s work: one at the physical copies wing of the library, a good third of it his own additions, and a second at home. His private collection was comprised of books which catered to his own personal interests, including many books too damaged to donate or too controversial to air in public.

Unprecedented for ‘Choly was the experience of a good Wi-Fi signal in a private setting. Cecil had left ‘Choly to the task of unpacking a couple of boxes while Cecil went to work for the day, and once ‘Choly felt like he had gotten sufficient progress, he treated himself to Web surfing unabated.

The notification sound of his chat app startled him, and at first he was disgruntled because an unfamiliar username was messaging him.

9augen: hey you havent been posting very much lately

9augen: everything all right?

9augen: this is rev by the way

«There you are, you stupid ghoul,» he thought to himself. «So you went silent for over a month and came back with a new username. Clever.»

ketherphorbia: *i* haven’t been posting much lately?

ketherphorbia: welcome back to the land of the living

9augen: not quite

9augen: i was just wondering. isnt like you. didnt even make a journal post

9augen: usually you vent if somethings wrong?

ketherphorbia: you’re honestly the only person who’s noticed the radio silence, ironically

9augen: why wouldnt i notice? youre my favorite for reasons you know

ketherphorbia: ...i guess if i can dish to somebody, it’d be you

ketherphorbia: i, well

ketherphorbia: i did it. i tried it.

9augen is typing...

9augen: whatd you get your hands on???

ketherphorbia: the junk that’s making all the stalkers sick. fluxeldrin. turns out my assumptions were wrong. it’s not what made the supermarket geek

9augen: ...

9augen: the slag does it do to a dreg then

ketherphorbia: a lot of what it did really slagging sucks. i’ve mentioned my joint disorder before. all those symptoms are magnified to a fault. i...

ketherphorbia: i kinda literally fall apart now

ketherphorbia: on the plus side, it did make me a meta. a really shitty meta, but ME. a META.

9augen: magic fall apart powers sound incredibly useful to me

9augen: haha pics or it didnt happen

ketherphorbia: yeah i thought you were as hard over this as me, you dreg

ketherphorbia is sending a file DSC39082_100-3493.JPG.

ketherphorbia: it stretches pretty far actually

9augen: fuck--

9augen: shit--

ketherphorbia: did i break you? you should see tricks my dick can do now

9augen: i--

ketherphorbia: i really need to take pics of that, but i’ve been kind of nervous to post ‘em anywhere

9augen: slagging cocktease the fuck man. im at a finnegans

ketherphorbia: sorry

9augen: no you arent. one of the reasons i love you

ketherphorbia: yeah no you’re right. you know me too well

9augen: ive told you before i think youre cute right

ketherphorbia: slag, the skin thing makes it hard to disagree with you

9augen: i never sent you a pic of me did i

ketherphorbia is typing...

ketherphorbia: i’m taken, y’know, but no. you haven’t.

9augen: i know. youre a chouay nasty little creature now like youve always wanted. maybe not the next clayface. but you still have got this teratophilic dregs heart pounding hard tonight

ketherphorbia: ...i try

9augen: theres a reason i havent sent you a pic before, but the reason i was quiet for the past month makes things a little more comfortable. i used to be pretty selfconscious about photographs

ketherphorbia is typing...

ketherphorbia: i have no idea what you could even possibly be going on about. you trying to tell me something happened last month? are you going to tell me what happened or not

9augen: The vampire stuff isn’t an act anymore.

ketherphorbia is typing...

ketherphorbia has stopped typing.

ketherphorbia: WHAT

9augen is sending a file DSC92734_101-2245.JPG.

ketherphorbia cancelled the file transfer.

9augen: the slag did you do that for

ketherphorbia: vampires don’t show up in pictures

9augen is sending a file DSC92734_101-2245.JPG.

9augen: very funny bugdick

ketherphorbia: ...a hybrid...?

9augen: im more lamprey than anything else. but theres a lot of nuance to the cocktail. fine tuning

ketherphorbia: ...gives a whole new meaning to ‘body modification.’ how the slag did you even get that done last month? isn’t that stuff banned?

9augen is typing...

9augen: slag i hear somebody griping at the waitress about the smell of me. like some dead thing crawled out of the bay. shes probably going to kick me out. i should get going anyway

ketherphorbia: rude. you a wifi hopper too then?

9augen is typing...

9augen: parting thought for you though. i want my mouth all over every inch of that metahuman skin of yours. just imagine all the perfect lancet marks making lace out of you.

ketherphorbia: you show up in pictures. i really doubt i could keep you away just by not inviting you in.

9augen: im pretty sure they just called the cops. not the evening i was anticipating

9augen: i gotta get a bite to eat. later dreg

9augen: and would you really do something to keep me away? ;)

ketherphorbia is typing...

9augen is offline.

ketherphorbia: did you just--

‘Choly nearly flung the reader once his friend logged off without further answers. Had Rev just implied what it had sounded like? After a minute of trying to calm down, he opened the vampire’s selfie again and stared. He’d snapped that picture in the Finnegan’s. Time-stamp aside, ‘Choly could recognize the newsprint-plastered walls in the background--that was a frequent Wi-Fi lurk for him. The fact the two shared a stomping ground but had never initiated meeting in person haunted ‘Choly a bit. But now, his friend was a lot less inconspicuous.

He decided to make lunch instead of try to linger on the chaos that just thrust itself upon him. Hours later, he was checking his mail on his reader, and had gotten correspondence from a 9augen email. The following thread of emails were exchanged over the course of just over two months.

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To: ketherphorbia@geemail.com From: 9augen@tricity.co.dv Subject: Sorry to have cut out on you like that. —————————————

I suppose I do owe you an explanation, Kether. We’ve known each other long enough, and we trust enough enough. Yes, I did get the work done last month. Yes, that kind of work is verbot. Yes, I’m supposed to keep hush-hush about it until the coast is clear. But, I know I can trust you with the knowledge that the movement is still very much alive and kicking.

You like stories. How about some non-fiction for a change?

I didn’t know what to expect when I went to see him. Aside from what little understanding of splicing I had through news coverage, all I knew of it had been vampires in my coven who’d had the fortune--and I use that word in both senses--to have had work done while it was still legal, to become more like themselves and live as the creatures of the night they were in their souls.

There’s still a lot of under the table activity. Alleyways, clinics. People get work done however they can sneak it. One girl came into this one club a few months ago, even, said she’d traded a few sexual favors for the funds to get a splice that’d emulate albinism for her and would cut her teeth. She was having great difficulty keeping herself from feeding directly from the flesh afterward. They hadn’t used sterile equipment, and the last thing she wanted was to contaminate the coven or its donors. She became a pariah for her limitations after the coven learned of the blood disease. Requiring blood be drawn, rather than be capable of drawing it oneself, is weakness, and in one of us weakness is revolting. And she wasn’t strong enough to accumulate the funds to go about seeking a cure, to dig herself back out of her self-imposed grave.

I was so wary of botched jobs, of diseased implements, of cut dosages... Everything after the ban went into effect sounded too good to be true, that anyone might ever have the chance to get work done again by someone with both the credentials and accommodations to do it and do it well. A friend of a friend was in with one of the underground grafters, got us private referrals for a new project, at a cut rate due to it being a test procedure. None of us was given the same time. The location was a residential address, an apartment in the lower-mid of Union City. Nice, but still obviously it was an aging complex. A feathered girl greeted me and, after confirming I was alone, ushered me inside. Despite being a residential space, the whole place was set up like a laboratory. It was prodigious.

I went in with a lot of specific plans in mind. I told the grafter the things I wanted. Heavy on the bat serum. Wolf eyes. I had the money and the opportunity, and I was going to get exactly what I wanted out of it.

Turns out, I only thought I knew what I really wanted out of it.

Let me tell you. This Linnaeus is the most intimidating, persuasive, and completely dominating individual you will ever have the pleasure of meeting. He’s also probably the most brilliant. I couldn’t even begin to guess what species he’s got in him. In the month since, I’ve been told he specializes in splicing with extinct species. I would call bollocks on such a claim, but it sounds crazy enough to be one-hundred percent true.

After hearing the particulars of my desires, he thought a moment, paced. He pulled up a chair next to me and coolly asked me what vampire species I could name off the top of my head--besides the vampire bat. On the spot and overshadowed by his overwhelming aura, I could only stammer out something stupid, like mosquitoe or flea. I can’t remember exactly what answer I gave him, but I clearly remember his trite, patient laugh that came of it. At that point, he pulled out a graphics reader and tried to pitch to me an entirely different angle. I can only guess that an artist can draw so many of a thing before becoming tired of repetition, regardless of it being a commission. And I am starting to believe that the species I desired for the work simply didn’t push the envelope enough to fit the bill of his particular... project.

This was so much more than just getting the features of bat and wolf. This was about becoming myself. He’d deliberated the best way to give me what I’d be happiest with, and I had the impression he had the entire animal kingdom to sample from--within reason, of course, as he’s working within the shadows of the law. He told me briefly, without going into significant detail, that he was working on harnessing the strengths and idiosyncrasies of all life, going beyond the animal kingdom. It certainly sounds promising, whatever he means.

Ultimately, we came to the agreement that my splicing job would use the pacific lamprey as its base, but that I would get the vampire bat ears I’d sought coming to see him. The underlying work is complex, but everything is so finely tuned to enhance everything else. Cave salamander, and a strange anemone-like creature called a tunicate. Did you know the cave salamander has cultural roots with the Roma? The gills along my neck are mostly superficial, and the lungs don’t do much either--all that’s in my skin now. The nasal structure has a bit of a sonar thing to it, from both the salamander and lamprey; every smell is intense now. Slag, my mouth is filled with teeth now, cheeks ringed with lancets. Linnaeus tells me the tunicate helps with bloodborne pathogens. I later found it also helps with whatever I get exposed to in the bay.

Doesn’t help with the smell, though.

I’m glad that I could reach out to you, and keep correspondence with you. It’s taken a lot to get used to being aquatic, but I regret absolutely nothing that I’ve left behind. Living near the docks has been a slagged blessing. Perfect hunting grounds, and nobody bothers me so long as I stay off shore. I think you’d love hearing about the weird shit I find at the bottom of the bay. Believe it or not, it’s good money. Pawn shops hardly ever have the nerve to question where I got waterlogged goods. Not that it’s smart to question me. With this lean, cartilaginous skeleton, the splicing also yielded me significant height gain, mostly in my torso. The lengthening of my body was necessary to accommodate swimming muscles, but I slouch horribly so it’s hardly obvious just how tall I stand until I straighten up.

I so enjoy the shock value of doing that. Norms haven’t seen the likes of this nascent wave of chimeric hybrids, so I must be some kind of unholy cryptid to them. As though I’d continue unfolding in other ways were they to truly rile me. Admittedly, I do. ...But it’s rare to get a glimpse of the inside of my mouth.

I would love to meet you in person finally sometime. Get acquainted with one another’s new-found inhumanities. Get to play with that skin of yours. Show each other in person what the other’s body’s limits are. Maybe include your boyfriend in fooling around, if he’d be interested. I promise I won’t eat you, either of you, except perhaps in the most platonic sense. I cherish you too much.

Though really, I must admit, the hardest thing about adjusting to this wonderful luck of mine was finding a waterproof reader. Not that I get good Wi-Fi reception in the better half of the bay, nor that I’m able to recharge it without venturing onto land. I just don’t want to slag it up if I get it wet, you know?

This got meandering. I’m going to cut it off here, and leave everything open to discussion. It’s good to be back in touch with you. I wonder if, now that you’re what you write about, that you’ll write about yourself instead of just for yourself.

                                 --Don’t be shy.

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To: 9augen@tricity.co.dv From: ketherphorbia@geemail.com Subject: Re: Sorry to have cut out on you like that.  —————————————

>I suppose I do... >You like storie... >I didn’t know w... >There’s still a... >I was so wary o... >I went in with ... >Turns out, I on... >Let me tell you... >After hearing t... >This was so muc... >Ultimately, we ... >Doesn’t help wi... >It’s taken a lo... >I so enjoy the ... >I would love to... >Though really, ... >This got meande... >--Don’t be shy.

I hope you understand how overwhelmed I am with all this.

I still don’t get how I didn’t pick up after all this time that you were in the vampire scene. That... kind of actually manages to make you even creepier than before. In a good way. I promise in a good way.

Understandable, then, I hope, just how jealous I am of you and what you have. This skin and bone deformity is nothing compared to having become an outright monster, complete with the appetites of one.

Slag it all, man.

You’ve got to tell me everything.

What was it like? To have the serum take effect? You must have been conscious.

Describe it to me.

Your semen must be very salty.

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To: ketherphorbia@geemail.com From: 9augen@tricity.co.dv Subject: Re: Re: Sorry to have cut out on you like that. —————————————

>>I suppose... >>You like s... >>I didn’t k... >>There’s st... >>I was so w... >>I went in ... >>Turns out,... >>Let me tel... >>After hear... >>This was s... >>Ultimately... >>Doesn’t he... >>It’s taken... >>I so enjoy... >>I would lo... >>Though rea... >>This got m... >>--Don’t be...

>I hope you unde... >I still don’t g... >Understandable... >Slag it all, ma... >You’ve got to t... >What was it lik... >Describe it to ... >Your semen must...

Spouting off Ballard quotes at me. You must be a wreck...

Creepier than before? I suppose. You’ve always known my predilection for the classics. Fang and claw have always been a preference over tooth an nail.

What was it like? It was an utter entheogeny, my friend. Do you know what a grafting gun is like? To aid in the serum’s administration, it isn’t a single needle but six very fine-gauged needles, in a pneumatic hypodermic gun. In that medical implement, the approximation to vaccination is one which makes me smile to this day, chemicals which carried with them the proverbial antibodies which would make me capable of fighting off the plague of a chronic illness otherwise known to the public as “humanity.”

Linnaeus and his technician had before the procedure harnessed me like a modern Saint Andrew, the cross-like restraints having evolved thoroughly alongside the medicine which required them; their robotic cuffs could expand or contract, as could the distance of each of the hydraulic arcs of its aureole, which envelopd the entirety of the body of the device and acted as its structural integrity in the absence of a characteristic saltire structure.

He’d said that it had been difficult to replace this harness in particular after the ban, also said it had been necessary to be procured again. Implications lingered that the ban had bankrupted his agency, though there was something more to the specialty of this device. There had been incidents in the movement’s embryonic state, before he had implemented such measures as protective bondage.

He did not, however, go into further detail.

In deliberate irony or not, he went for the throat for the injection site. The serum itself felt much like a typical intravenous application, well-chilled and somewhat astringent. Heavy in the veins. Its seeming effervescence was not from gases, but of its heterogeneous components under high pressure. The syringe hisses pneumatically when it fires its contents into you One would suppose that someone with an aversion to needles would panic at hearing that sound in the sense of an injection; though, panic might be too considerate a word. Especially inches from one’s ear.

If he had not been referencing a phobia of needles in his practical necessity for the ring-like restraint system, however, it was the resultant agony of a teenage growth spurt, magnified across the span of the boughs of species, and sped up within a frame observable to the naked eye. It was as though I’d never truly experienced the metamorphosis to the adulthood I’d been meant to undertake. As a normal human being acclimates to his changing body, he might have his shins ache, or be inexplicably hungry, or suffer from bouts of hormone swings. All these things are exponentially worse when your cells are shifting between species, and trying to settle comfortably somewhere in between.

I never realized just what kind of masochist I was until that night.

Bone became cartilage. Skin became mucous membrane. Entire organs restructured themselves. There were entire minutes I could not breathe. My jaws dissolved, for the most part; simultaneously, the total surface of my expanding mouth sprouted dozens of rings of razor-sharp thorns. Nearly three times the vertebrae now comprise my spine. I was suffocating, and I was starving.

The metamorphosis extorts a great energy from a hybrid.

The feathered woman was the one to release me from the cross, whispering forth pedantic blandishments as I sank to rest on all fours. As I glared up at her, the extension of my external gills must have seemed more a threat display than a cry for oxygen. My head swam, but all of me needed to. I was too dizzy to take in anything either of them said, though I clearly recall the doctor finding some distinct pleasure and pride in how completely the serum had taken. “You’ll learn to breathe again,” I remember him admiring as the two of them permitted me at last to shove myself out the door and down the street.

I was fortunate that their secret clinic was so low in the city’s bowels, so close to the river. I didn’t care then how rank the water was, how I knew in my heart even just a fraction of the stuff might kill me. Water. I needed water. I don’t remember how I ended up at the dock, or how I ended up in the bay. I imagine I mostly flopped by inertia. The salt only stung for a moment, as it caught me off-guard; but then, as my faculties began to seep back into me, I could tell that the saline levels were facilitating my ability to breathe and take in the water.

So I was a saltwater fish now? I remember asking myself. It’s a good thing I’m a Jersey devil, then, I guess. I remember the insistent hunger, too, and that even then, my veins burned violently, especially those in my skull.

You know me well enough to know what state in which that experience left me. You also know me well enough to take pride in knowing this is an erotic work crafted for ketherphorbia, written for your own eyes only.

I suppose it’s not entirely out of line for me to return the favor, and ask you to describe your metagenesis.

A celebration. A coronation of wounds inflicted against the iniquity of manhood.

We’re both creatures now. More alike than either of us thought previous. Am I right?

I want to see more of you.

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To: 9augen@tricity.co.dv From: ketherphorbia@geemail.com Subject: Re: Re: Re: Sorry to have cut out on you like that. —————————————

>>I hope you... >>I still do... >>Understan... >>Slag it al... >>You’ve got... >>What was i... >>Describe i... >>Your semen...

>Spouting off Ba... >Creepier than b... >What was it lik... >Linnaeus and hi... >He’d said that ... >He did not, how... >In deliberate i... >If he had not b... >I never realize... >Bone became car... >The metamorphos... >The feathered w... >I was fortunate... >So I was a salt... >You know me wel... >I suppose it’s ... >A celebration. ... >We’re both crea... >I want to see m...

There are no words to convey just how arousing that sounds. I guess the best compliment I can give is to divulge the mighty fine time I’ve had rereading that last email. I can only imagine how the fuck the man knew how bad your autoerotic asphyxia was. Maybe he noticed the rope-like bruising on your neck... I’ll get off your case, but I won’t stop getting off on your case. :)

You want to know how it went? The story’s one testament after another of my own clumsiness and stupidity. It started with a date with Cecil at the coffee shop on Garden Center. The woman spearheading Tri-City’s EPA presence had decided that same shop would be where she would unwind after the day she’d been having, and a point of conversation with Cecil resulted in her burning ears shouldering in to both drop information and grab some of her own from us. One thing led to another, and I ended up with enough information to suggest not just where the Supermarket Geek had taken his spill, but what it had been he spilled in.

I vacillate whether I have hindsight not to have researched my facts further before acting upon them. But it was enough for me, that the conversation had yielded an unprecedented factoid, to the point that said information spurred a particular writing session.

I don’t know if you read the “Quarter Oysters” wip I threw up on my blog a while back. I’ve written more recent things, but there are a number of reasons I can’t share them. Really, though. I don’t know. Maybe I can share them with you. You’ve already made me an accomplice to slag all of verbot shit. Turnabout’s fair play...

Any rate... After writing “Quarter Oysters,” I snuck out of the house and broke into the dump site I’d had described to me. The place was littered with toxic waste drums. In several spots, they were stacked up over a story high. I’d never seen such a thing be so organized as this. Many of them were leaking to spite their order. Some of them even glowed. There were two guards stationed, and I managed to duck them once; they’d almost found me the first time because I’d slipped and thrown out my knee, but I chewed on the shoulder of my shirt and reset it while in hiding. I found a drum of Fluxeldrin cordoned off by tape, and I had my tippling cane with me, so I had a vial to sample of it. I’d have taken more than one, since the cane contained four, but I already heard them coming for me, and I couldn’t hide fast enough. So, I only took the one and hastily reassembled my cane, rather than risk getting caught actively stealing it. They threw me out of the Yard, but they thought I’d just been a snooping idiot cripple. For once my youthful look and decrepit demeanor benefited me. They had no idea I’d smuggled my prize.

I shambled down the street and found myself a safe place where I could mull things over in private. The place was run down, even for a half-completed apartment complex. I’m not even joking, it was creepy as hell. Someone had been living there, I’m sure of it, and from what I saw in the rotting pressboard cabinets, I’m sure they were cooking drugs or bombs or something. There was even a nasty spring-box mattress there. And a bathtub, but not attached to anything. I don’t know if you’ve ever seen the kind that installs into where the floor and wall meet when it’s just a free-floating hunk of fiberglass, but they are unsettling as hell when they’re not installed.

My reader was going dead because I’d used it as a flashlight while retrieving my prize, so I couldn’t really research after the fact. I knew Cecil would freak if he found me in possession of the stuff, so I had to act on it then and there. I didn’t have enough to rub it into my skin and get even coverage, so I decided like an idiot I had to drink it for maximum effect. Fluxeldrin glows an aggressive lime green, is oily like antifreeze, and smells like rotten cut flowers but worse. The consistency of it made it cling to every surface of my innards that it came into contact with, and the smell and taste of it had me fighting all compulsion to regurgitate every last drop of it along with all my organs. I flung the vial after downing its contents, too caught up in the moment to realize the recklessness of it. Fighting the urge to vomit, hands on my mouth trying to keep my lips clenched tightly together, I ultimately collapsed on the mattress, not even caring about the grime.

When I awoke, there was blood on the mattress where my face had been, crusted up around my nose and mouth. I threw out the same knee again upon trying to stand--but this time, I threw it out as though the joint weren’t actually connected, and I spilled out on the cement floor. I really wish my reader hadn’t been dead by then, because I would kill right now for a photograph of something that can make me vomit. And I mean I puked to the bile, the way that the fall had disheveled my leg. Couldn’t believe what I was seeing. I managed to get it back together, and gather my belongings. Putting my cane back together, I barely managed to get to my date with Cecil for lunch the next day.

I bullshat some stupid excuse about having had to hit the yards early that morning for something time sensitive. The night before he’d suggested that he could get me a job working at the Central Library, and after lunch he dragged me up there to show me around. I was interested in doing all this, really I was... but it was so hard with all my joints feeling like every surface was over-oiled. With fifteen minutes to closing time, I ran into the Geek trying to use his library card for the first time. Meeting him, I can guarantee you he’s a stalker too. ...I made an idiot out of myself and really shook him up trying to get him to eat my finger splints. I’m still messed up over that.

But that doesn’t even get to the verbot shit. The stress of having slagged up first impressions with the Geek had me pretty literally falling apart. All the physical problems my joint disorder’s inured me to, that all’s magnified by what the Fluxeldrin did to me. Worse for wear, I ended up trying to get in with Dr. Bell before the All’s Well Clinic closed for the evening. I didn’t manage it. So, I did the logical thing and broke in through the back door with the intent to “borrow” some pain pills, and wait out the night to see him first thing in the morning. The first week I was like this was the most excruciating, man. This condition has the unprecedented ability to drive me to do just about anything to alleviate these systems, when they flare up. And breaking and entering a pharmaceutical storage wasn’t outside the realm of what felt acceptable in my present state that night...

I fell face-first into Bell’s racket. He’s the only doctor in the city with knowledge of the metahuman condition, and the only one whom I can reasonably see helping me cope with what the Fluxeldrin did to me--but it comes at with a high price tag. I know his deal, but he has that B&E hanging over me. If I don’t do exactly what he says, he’s got ways to make my life hell. And he’s got me running shopping errands for him for the truck he cooks for his projects. He’s the heart of the Quarter, I just know it.

I’m so torn on the right thing to do because my dick doesn’t want what’s taking place to ever stop. I guess I’m telling you not just that I trust you not to tell anybody, but that I want some input on what kind of person it makes me, to be going along with this madness to avoid the fallout of shaking the foundation everything’s tentatively scattered upon. I’m scared, Rev. For Bell’s victims, for me, for Cecil. For everybody who’s ever gotten sick in the Quarter.

This got really long-winded and meandered into a “from one friend to another” situation. So, to make it up to you, a quick and dirty recap:

I broke into a stalking yard and stole a flask of fluxeldrin. And drank it. I drank something that fluoresced neon lime green, smelled and tasted like rot, and felt like gasoline. Something I knew could kill me. Something I knew was banned in its industry of origin due to its health hazards. I drank that. And it made me the shittiest meta that will likely ever be.

It’d be nice to meet, but I’m not sure how that would even work. You said you’re a fish now, but you’d be a fish out of water... Even I know better than to go anywhere near the toxic soup that dares to call itself Hudson Bay...

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To: ketherphorbia@geemail.com From: 9augen@tricity.co.dv Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Sorry to have cut out on you like that. —————————————

>>Spouting o... >>Creepier t... >>What was i... >>Linnaeus a... >>He’d said ... >>He did not... >>In deliber... >>If he had ... >>I never re... >>Bone becam... >>The metamo... >>The feathe... >>I was fort.. >>So I was a... >>You know m... >>I suppose ... >>A celebrat... >>We’re both... >>I want to ...

>There are no wo... >You want to kno... >I vacillate whe... >I don’t know if... >Any rate... Aft... >I shambled down... >My reader was g... >When I awoke, t... >I bullshat some... >But that doesn’... >I fell face-fir... >I’m so torn on ... >This got really... >I broke into a ... >It’d be nice to...

Delight is in the details. Oh, would I have never expected a short story written explicitly for mine eyes alone--let alone with such minutiae of gauche detail! Were it under suspicion of being fiction, I would think you a master for the unfortunate believability of your tale; that the course of events you’ve described can’t not have happened.

I’ve been around the coastline of the Quarter since my rebirth. The scent you described is very potent for this nose, these gills. If I were to hazard assumptions, I do believe the stuff has begun to seep into the water table, into the river. Of all the areas of the waterways around this city I can’t tolerate, it’s there, believe it or not. Something about it is fundamentally repulsive, and no matter what it is, I can’t shake what feels like an archetypal fear of it. So, for you to so casually narrate your deliberate pursuit of obtaining this Fluxeldrin business, and so flippantly have imbibed it... Well, I harbor a revolting admiration for you.

You do find yourself between a rock and a hard place, I imagine. Several. Or maybe, you simply find yourself hard between all these rocks. I won’t force details, though I can certainly read between the lines. It’s difficult to say. But, knowing you...I needn’t remind you how often we’ve shared the fantasy of some pandemic mutating the masses like some fabric-rending reality, culling the unfit. Everything is perfect.

The world is fluorescing into wounds, as you so describe.

To say you’d kill for something graphic enough to make you retch. I’d love to see it, too. Systemically disarticulate you, just to watch what you’d do. Stretch out that stuff that used to be your skin, curious how translucent it is, admire the veins.

Calling the bay an unapproachable toxic soup, though? I survive just fine in it. It’s all I have, Kether.

Regardless.

I’m sure we can determine a way to make this work.

[tardisthunder]

i have been tagged ☀️

THANK YOU FOR TAGGING ME @didthedevilturnup 💜💜💜

why did you choose your url?

because i was obsessed with doctor who at some point and i particularly loved the tardis. of course, i always loved the doctor and the companions, but i also love the tardis, being the stubborn lil time-machine she is.

truthfully, i had other names before, but i dont remember them.

any side-blogs? (if you have them, name them and why you have them)

yeah i have two side-blogs. i am not gonna name them though. one is basically a blog where i save longer text posts/resources to look up/read more about later. the other blog is empty anyway, it was a blog where i could basically … blog lmao. i have always loved having a blog, i loved writing about things, choosing pictures etc about my daily life. the last time i had a serious blog, none of my friends was reading it though so, you know, what’s the point. but that second blog was originally meant for that and i cant bring myself to delete it.

how long have you been on tumblr?

since, idk 2008/2009. i was on here pretty early but i deleted all my posts back in … oh god, i dont wanna go look but i wanna say 2014? and then i started posting with a queue and tags, which i have since abandoned again lmao. it’s such a hassle to add tags on mobile, so most of the time, i am too lazy to do it.

do you have a queue tag?

yes, it was #stardust queue. i used it when i was taking tumblr a lot more serious and tagged everything lmao. i spent so much time on tumblr a couple years ago, it was everything for me and i was upset when i went a day without being on it because i didnt want to miss out on anything. it was a weird time in my life.

now i am just here whenever i have time and when i want to. but i dont have the urge to be on here every day.

why did you start your blog in the first place?

i wanted to connect with people who have the same interest as me. didnt really work.

why did you choose your icon/pfp?

i used to switch them quite a lot, depending on what i was obsessed with at the time. i think now it’s gonna be jenna for forever. i admired her a lot in doctor who, i still keep track of what other series/movies she appears in and i have gotten used to her as my icon, so she’s gonna stay.

why did you choose your header?

my header on mobile is mountains with a pink sky. i wanted something rather neutral that fits with the icon, but something non-fandom.

what’s your post with the most notes?

i dont know, i dont do posts a lot. i cant make gifs or anything so i dont upload a lot of stuff.

how many people do you follow?

i just checked and i follow over 1594 blogs, which uuuuhhhhhh … is a lot. truthfully, there is a couple of blog-names i remember having followed eons ago and i do like to check up on them, not in like a creepy way but in a “hope you’re alright”-way. so i would not unfollow them, couple irl-friends on here who i am not gonna unfollow either.

and i just dont really care that much anymore? i used to go through my blogs quite regularly to sort out inactive ones and unfollow the ones where i am not that interested in the fandom anymore, but now the blogs i follow are an accumulation of everything i have ever loved and i dont mind.

i will only unfollow if you annoy me for some reason and i remember your name, which is rare.

have you ever made a shitpost?

no.

how often do you use tumblr?

every 2nd or third day when i am bored while i am watching tv, i dont know.

did you have a fight/argument with a blog once? who won?

i dont think so.

how do you feel about ‘you need to reblog this post’?

i scroll over them, i hate being guilt-tripped into needing to reblog something.

do you like tag games?

i LOVE tag games so please tag me in everything. i love doing these!!!
 so please tag me, it might take me a day or two to do it though but i will!!

which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

i dont know. if you are though, yay!!

do you have a crush on a mutual?

i dont think so.

last song i listened to

bts - friends.

my phone bg and lockscreen

lockscreen is a beautiful pic of yoongi and my phone bg is a pic of hobi peeking in from the side saying “i’m proud of you”. if i put them in here, they're huge, so i am not gonna do that. maybe i will add them later, idk.

tagging:

DO YOU LIKE TAGGAMES??? lmk and i will tag you!