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eir-trixa · 4 months ago

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WOTTG SPOILERS AFTER THE CUT

Can you believe Rick is validating me in my Percy-is-the-most-empathic-character take? I have legal basis but boi does it feel nice to have canon confirmation.

Second that book was short af I got the gist of it all while reading for like an hour.

Third, we addressed everyone else’s trauma. Percy’s still the group therapist LMAO 😭😭😭

Fourth, my son is such a good kid yall, this is why I lose five years of my life when someone insults or when he insults himself jfc my child.

Im honestly still processing and I have to reread the ending. Did it address Percy’s issues? Im going to go with “a bit” and call it a night. I mean, I guess it did? Percy got to unload and help Gale and Hecuba. We got an insight to how he’s managing to stay up and fighting and good despite all the shit he’s put into. Honestly the fact that he saw the humanity in Gale and Hecuba, that he saw their pain and grief and thats what made them trust him, that is so good. And the way he related to them. Goodness. And it highlights again how good a person he is, how much he feels and cares. I mean, he cried cause he had to send Mrs O Leary away, I cant with this kid-

I supposed what Im left unsatisfied with is how he still perceives himself as dumb? Baby, you survived San Fran for two months as a homeless kid without memories and pursued by different monsters who cant die. Youre the furthest thing from dumb.

He cant see this of course and while it was slightly addressed(?) by Annabeth telling him to his face that she doesnt give him enough credit, that he’s pretty smart, I dont think thats enough for addressing this particular issue. There was a time in the middle that he almost snapped because he thought Annabeth probably thinks him too dumb to know what to do next. Which I understand is frustrating to him. But to be fair this book made him look at Annabeth for a solution a lot. Theres also little comments about how when he cant think of anything - which is every 60 seconds apparently according to him- he looks at Annabeth. This doesnt help the co dependent allegations LMAO. Idk, I will die on the Hill that Percy is one of the smartest people in the series, not just emotionally but also in strategy. And theres, of course, nothing wrong with looking at the genius strategist for answers. Ive mixed feelings because definitely this is more of a Percy-insecurity issue than an Annabeth-being-bossy issue. But okay. One more book, heres to hoping we get more heart to heart on that front because Im 999998% sure she doesnt mean to make him feel stupid, Percy’s just got a lot of demons to fight but this in particular they need to figure out together. Still, its obvious how much they care for each other still. If only Dave and Hana did not piss me off at the start Id probably be a little more lenient about this.

Annabeth’s fatal flaw also makes a comeback, we love to see it.

And Sally Estelle Jackson. Now we have to find out wth is Percy’s middle name cause if Sally has one odds are she gave her son too. Trust me. Im Filipino. Iykyk.

Lastly, while I will forever and ever and ever support the trio from pjotv (theyre perfect and have done nothing wrong ever) I can see Rick’s injecting their personalities into the books. Im not sure if he does this on purpose or just subconsciously LMAO. Some of Grover’s dialogue is definitely inspired by Aryan. Percy being Lanky? Walker through and through, especially with his growth spurt lmao, and Annabeth’s confidence? All Leah. I can see what Rick’s trying to do. Ive no opinion on this, just pointing it out. I do love love love the live action. Just. I can see you Rick. You aint slick.

So there. I probably would need to reread the book properly at some point.

#pjo #spoilers #wrath of the triple goddess #wottg #wrath of the tripple goddess spoilers #percy jackson #annabeth chase #percabeth

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sophie-frm-mars · 3 months ago

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I just wanna gush about DBT for a second

DBT saved my life so I'm gonna spend a moment telling everyone how helpful it can be because I know there are a lot of people with BPD out there who need to hear it.

so cluster B personality disorders are characterised by, among other things "unrelenting crisis" - this is the combination of the feeling that every small problem you encounter is just yet more insurmountable bullshit and the reality that you have a lot of bad shit going on in your life, some of caused by the wider world beyond your control and inevitably some of it self-inflicted. The problem is, to someone who is constantly activated and feels life as this kind of non stop catastrophe, it's really hard to practice skills learned in therapy to do anything about it AND it feels impossible to judge what is an appropriate thing to spend your energy on, where to even begin tackling your problems.

The group component of DBT is explicitly justified in the therapists' manual as tackling this, which I think is genius. A borderline patient will bring new problems to their therapist every week and not focusing on them will trigger feelings of abandonment but the patient will definitely have forgotten all about this problem and moved onto a new one by next session or the one after so you have two therapies, one talk therapy one-on-one and the other a group setting like a class where you learn the DBT skills, and then in the group setting no patient feels like they're being especially ignored by the therapist because they're all there to learn the skills as peers. I just think that's really clever

The bit that really whips though is the skills around Accumulating positive experiences and Building mastery. Okay so your life feels like shit, right? Like one shit thing after another? Your therapy is to have a nice time and get better at something in a way that makes you proud. There's a whole acronym for the skills you need to use to keep yourself well, ABC PLEASE, but C and PLEASE are all essentially preventative skills to stop you having an actively bad time or worsening your mental health, and A and B (Accumulate positive experiences, Build mastery) are the ones where you're proactively creating your life worth living and I love it so much.

Accumulating Positive Experiences really does just mean having a nice time in an intentional way. It can literally be watching TV, it can be whatever you want, but you approach it thinking about what will make good experiences that will actively make you feel like you are leading a life worth living. My girlfriend and I went to the planetarium and took edibles last month and it owns so hard that according to DBT that's therapy

Building Mastery is all about helping you get a sense of momentum and direction by improving at something, ideally something that isn't also what you do for work. I know "get a hobby" seems like such basic advice for helping someone out of a rough time but like I've been bouldering since early last year and seeing myself get better at it has been impossibly good for me.

I've been getting into cooking this year as one of my Building mastery practices, at first just regularish like "how can I feed myself in a way that feels like I'm showing myself care at all" like finally learning how to make some of the comfort foods I had in childhood like beef stew, or trying out new things on my very basic salmon, potatoes and broccolli, like teriyaki glaze on broccolli or making hasselback potatoes. Then after a while it became a thing where I felt confident enough to actually thing about a little project and do it like around when my gf and I started officially dating I made her roast lamb and dauphinoise potatoes (nothing photographs well, sorry in advance lol), or we started rewatching Twin Peaks and I really wanted cherry pie so I made my own, which I had never done before!

and at the same time as improving at that stuff I felt like I was good enough at it that cooking for other people was a way I could show them care, which was something I had always wanted but never put in the time to making a reality.

In The Endings Machine: Technology & Teleology I talked about how cooking vegan food in groups is more effective in several ways that going vegan yourself and afterwards my sister (who helped with recording) said to me and a friend "I've been thinking about this ever since filming, we should do this!" and we've been holding a rotating vegan group meal at other's places fortnightly since then, and it's been really good! (This idea btw was partly inspired by my time on the ZAD where communal living leads to group cooking on a rotation, mostly vegan) For the first one I made a spicy mushroom pasta, then I had to bring the dessert to one and I made a vegan chocolate tart with coconut milk instead of dairy making a coconut chocolate filling and it was SOOO good

Last week the vegan meal was at mine again and it fell on halloween so we invited more people and arranged a little spooky movie screening and I made SOOO much food and it was all fucking fantastic. My gf and I made dhal makhani, aubergine rice, parathas, vegan raita and onion bhajis and served them with some mango chutney and some oven-cook samosas that were just from big tesco. I'm so fucking proud of myself, I've never cooked this much before and it went so well! I guess what I really want to get across is how looking at this from the DBT perspective I gotta get across how good this shit is for your mental health and how absurdly well it dovetails with building community.

There are all sorts of other ways Accumulating positive experiences and Building mastery help, because DBT is a very holistic approach to helping people get better - like if you know what things you like doing and you plan them to be available to you, you know that you're going to be happy with your own company, which means if you're having a shit time around someone else you're happy saying "I would be having a better time being alone right now" and just leaving. That makes it easier to live up to your self-respect goals, which are a big part of the DBT interpersonal effectiveness skills, as well as helping to tackle every cluster B girlie's deep seated fear of abandonment.

I could go on an on, but the salient thing right now is that there are a lot of people struggling with stuff I relate to as someone who has had my shit rocked by Borderline Personality Disorder for years and years, and I know that the biggest feeling at core is like "what is this all for? what is the thing that we are all trying to do in the space we are chaotically scrabbling to try to clear all the time?" and this is the answer: you want to accumulate positive experiences and build mastery, and when you get to doing it you have such a profoundly more grounded sense of being in the world, of what it is that's worth being here for and what stands in the way of life just being like that for everyone and a more meaningful drive to try and make it be that way for everyone.

I also wanna go on and on about how Interpersonal Effectiveness makes everyone better at organising too, but I think the Life Worth Living is the better sales pitch for DBT. idk in short a close friend pitched it to me a little while ago that all leftists should learn DBT and it would make the revolution way easier and the more I live of my life worth living the more I agree.

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foptbw · 5 months ago

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Artist note -> I redesigned Gary a little because in the drawing he had buck teeth and brown hair like Timmy and it always bothered me that they gave him black hair)

Timmy: You guys know about Chloe and AJ and Chester and me…. as for Crocker I don't… don't know… after he broke into my old home and… with the help of AJ I got a restraining order against him. Mom and dad thought it was unnecessary. You'd haveta ask AJ I think he knows more about that situation than me.

After… well… anyway Trixie actually was pretty nice to me. She would bring me new comics and Veronica defended me from the other popular kids. According to Trixie helped her realize that life is more important than what people think of you. She's a comic creator now. Vernonia and Trixie got married a few years ago. Vernonia is a child therapist now! I think Chloe is still friends with them! She's the godmother of their daughter! They were all really good friends since they were cheerleaders together. Their daughter is adopted but according to Chloe she's just like her moms but sweeter.

I don't know what happen to Vicky… I duh wanna see her again. I don't need ah babysitter anymore. After everything changed for the first year I haddah had a babysitter again and it was so much worse. And Tootie was pushy too pushy. She never knew when she was takin things too far and Vicky always was going on about if I thought I was too good for her little sister. But, luckily like magic my… cousin stayed with us over the summer and Tootie fell in love with him and she left me alone. I don't remember having a cousin Gary. But, that's who he said he was and my parents agreed, I don't remember a lot of thing so. Yah. Chloe says that they have twins now, a boy and girl Tammy and Tommy. She showed me since they are my family I guess and because her goddaughter was in the picture.

It's best to leave this to AJ or Chester they keep in touch with people more than me. They know more bout that stuff than me.

Chester: Crock pot is still out there hunting fairies. He appeared at the reward ceremony that Galax hosted and made a big fuss. Luckily Timmy can't go to Galax events because he triggers the magic detectors so he hadn't been there. As for Trixie, like Timmy said she is happily married to Veronica now with a little girl of their own. Total tomboy. Chloe's little monster buddy.

…. After Timmy's memory loss his parents started hiring Vicky to watch him again. They had stopped when he was 13 leaving him to just fend for himself mostly. For the first few months it was mostly bad days for Timmy. He's able to take care of himself a lot better now, and only have bad days sometimes. If you think Vicky was mean to kids, you couldn't imagine how cruel she could be to a 15 year old who mentally was around a confused 9 most the time.

Tootie's obsessive crush had gotten worse and worse as we all got older. Despite what many would think, Vicky is rather protective of her little sister. Which make putting your foot down and telling Tootie off rather hard. Tootie wanted to prove that she'd be by Timmy's side even after his memory loss.

Well lets just say Timmy didn't miss them once AJ help him move to Dimmadelphia. Lasts I heard Tootie got together with that Gary guy, I think he was Timmy's cousin or something. They have kids now.

As for Vicky I heard she works as a private school art teacher and party princess. How she is still working with children I will never know.

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scoobydoodean · 1 year ago

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so i’ve always been annoyed by the belief that “sam and dean are toxically co-dependent, especially dean!” like it just baffles me once i remember all the times they’ve been apart without one of them being dead (and actually including post swan song to an extent), but i’ve never been able to properly articulate why i think dean at least isn’t really co-dependent on sam. like there’s a difference between being (co)dependent on somebody and dean’s parentification right? thanks!

I'll preface this by saying I am not a medical professional nor have I studied academic literature on codependency in great detail. That said, "codependency" is usually just a buzzword used colloquially to describe people who are obsessed with each other anyway. I address the colloquial use and how Sam is much more unhinged here. I'm guessing the colloquial use is really more what you mean, but if you're looking for something different or a little more specific than that, I can probably write or point you to some other things I've written if you give me something more specific to go on.

That said, there is something about the way fandom talks about "codependency" between Sam and Dean that bothers me, and I think by reading around about codependency today after I got this ask, and finding out that this term is controversial among mental health professionals as well... I finally figured out why.

I think to a lot of people, "codependent" has become synonymous with words like "needy" and "suffocating". However, the WebMD type articles I started with, suggest that the partner of the codependent party is the one whose needs seem to constantly overshadow and outweigh the needs of the codependent partner in the relationship. While the codependent partner can exhibit negative behaviors, the primary problem of the codependent party is that in being a caretaker, they can lose all sense of their identity and boundaries, and don't know who they are outside of being a caretaker for others. However, this is a more modern take on the term. Because these articles I started with mentioned academic controversy, I then found a few academic papers to skim, and this proved to be even more helpful in understanding why I... don't like this term very much.

First, the historical origins of it are... off-putting. The term "codependency" first emerged in academic literature in the 1940s to describe wives with alcoholic husbands who behave as "enablers" [1, 2]. I probably don't have to point out how different things were for women back then, and how rampantly sexist that context makes this first wave of literature sound, but it's discussed extensively in this article. Second, there is more stigma associated with the term partly because Alcoholics Anonymous (shocking /s) latched onto it starting in the 60s and 70s:

The influence of the AA culture in shaping the concept of codependency as an illness offered the idea that people who were close to the substance user were themselves suffering from an illness (O’Briean and Gaborit 1992). These people were viewed as enablers and coalcoholics (Cotton 1979). [ 1 ]

I... think I am probably not the only one who finds that utterly rancid to read (some academics writing on the subject certainly seem to):

According to Gus Napier, a noted family therapist, it is "ridiculous" to label codependency as a disease, because it is a culturally conditioned response of an overfunctioning person in relationship with an underfunctioning person (Meacham, 1990-1991). [2]

Some researchers who have pushed the term "codependency" as a diagnosis have actually suggested that literally anyone who is living with someone with an addiction should be called co-dependent by definition, regardless of any behavior they may exhibit, which tells you a lot about the lack of consensus and how meaningless the term can be [2]. The term (especially within the disease model where codependency itself is a from of addiction) has been criticized by many researchers for the misogyny through which the term originated, for unproductive negative labeling and pathologizing of people (especially women) dealing with incredibly difficult situations with their loved ones, for victim-blaming people (especially women stuck in abusive relationships) for the actions of their partners, for tangentially—negative stereotyping about people with serious addictions, and for conflating addiction with interpersonal problems, and in the extreme case—for suggesting separation from ones family is the solution to addiction and supporting someone with an addiction somehow always enables them [1, 2].

Since the original stream of literature related to addiction, codependency has rebranded and expanded into literature on family experiences with abuse and mental and physical illness. Which is where we get articles like this one I already linked. The codependent party is still a caretaker in these settings, caring for the needs of a loved one who is ill. Still, "codependency" is not an official medical diagnosis (i.e. not in the DSM-5). It's a term that has been used in academic literature by mental health professionals, when trying to describe a range of behaviors within dysfunctional families. These researchers do not agree on the term's meaning or on whether it even is or should be a diagnosis. Many are interested in it only from an interpersonal or personality perspective, which is also where we should stick.

Taking all of this into account though, I think the very first thing we have to ask ourselves is what exactly we get out of using the term "co-dependency" to describe Sam and/or Dean when the term doesn't even really have an agreed-upon meaning. Is the intention to write interesting character analysis, or is the intention to glorify or criticize using a term that has historically stigmatized understandable human reactions to troubled family situations? I think the goal has perhaps too often been the latter.

That said, I've already been referencing it, but I think this article does a good job of summarizing much of the literature, and then actually focusing on people who do choose, of their own accord, to identify with the term "codependent" because it is helpful for them in understanding their own lived experience and their patterns within relationships. I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting to explore this as it relates to Sam and Dean with the right motivations. If you read the accounts of the respondents who choose to identify with the term, you'll see shades of Sam and Dean I think (I have written something pretty close to the chameleon-self about season 1 Dean, and I can apply that one to Sam too through his attempts to fit in at Stanford). When it comes to my experience with these characters however, I just don't find that I personally see any value in analyzing Sam and Dean through the word "codependent" given it's lack of agreed-upon meaning professionally and colloquially.

It seems to me that the term itself leads to more confusing conversations instead of less confusing ones because of the lack of clear definition, and the potential for negative stereotyping instead of actual edifying analysis is extremely off-putting to me. It just doesn't do anything for me personally. The issues to which it relates I think are interesting (especially parentification which is a term I do find useful), and I think criticisms leveled against the term are also useful to read in understanding ones own struggles with how fandom tends to frame Dean as a caretaker who they believe is actually somehow responsible for everyone else's decisions. But I think that perhaps I prefer words and concepts that are better defined than the muddiness of the term "codependent".

Lastly: Even if I'm not a particular fan of the term, the fact is that the actual show uses the term twice—in season 5 (shoutout to butch--dean's transcript search engine). Once in 5.11 "Sam, Interrupted" (to Dean):

DR. FULLER Well, to be frank, uh, the relationship that you have with your brother seems dangerously codependent. I think a little time apart will do you both good.

First, this dude doesn't really know what's going on and thinks Sam and Dean are having delusions. However, in season 5, Sam's experience with demon blood is repeatedly paralleled with drug or alcohol addiction, and Sam is someone for whom Dean has been made to feel responsible for most of his life. This episode addresses Dean's overly burdensome responsibilities in other ways and it's also come up in the past in 1.12, 2.09, 2.10, and 4.05. I prefer to discuss this theme with much more specific terms. In this case, I would say Dean has an "overactive sense of responsibility to others", originating first with his childhood experiences with parentification. Sam also has a tendency to try and make Dean shoulder responsibility for his decisions when they backfire, and does so multiple times related to the demon blood (4.04, 4.21, 5.05). Cas and Zachariah also both blame Dean for Sam breaking the last seal because he didn't stop him in time (5.01, 5.02) and Bobby criticizes how Dean responds to Sam's addiction (4.22).

And then again in 5.18 "Point of No Return", specifically when Zachariah (my favorite manipulative angel) tries to get Adam to be on his side by basically calling Sam and Dean creepy incestuous weirdos:

ZACHARIAH So you know you can’t trust them, right? You know Sam and Dean Winchester are psychotically, irrationally, erotically codependent on each other, right?

This one honestly to me is just Zachariah doing Zachariah things. I'll reach these episodes on my rewatch fairly soon though, so we'll see if I end up talking about it more then.

Bacon, I., McKay, E., Reynolds, F. et al. The Lived Experience of Codependency: an Interpretative Phenomenological Analysis. Int J Ment Health Addiction 18, 754–771 (2020). https://doi.org/10.1007/s11469-018-9983-8

Anderson, S. C. (1994). A Critical Analysis of the Concept of Codependency. Social Work, 39(6), 677–685. http://www.jstor.org/stable/23717128

#mail #5.11 #5.18 #parentification #family chains #classism in spn

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berylcups · 1 month ago

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Ghiaccio HCs Deep Dive + Spicy HCs!

CW: transphobia, emotional abuse, childhood emotional abuse, religion mention, alcohol mention, politics mention (?), teasing mention, sexual topics, non cis sex(if you know a better more politically correct way of mentioning this topic then please let me know 💜). Minors DNI

Notes: Happy Yuletide everyone! The Winter Solstice is here! What better way to start off the new season than to talk about the ice gremlin himself??? I hope you all enjoy! Stay warm! 💜 Beryl

He’s a 23 year old Venetian man. He’s type O+, an Aquarius, and his Chinese zodiac is the horse according to Melones database.

He was born and raised in Venezia and proud of it! He’s going to correct anyone or anything that says the name of the beautiful city wrong. Venice Beach in America? That’s not his problem. But the minute you call Venezia VENICE be prepared to get ranted with aggressive hand gestures!

He has ASD with low needs or additional support(if you know a more correct term for this pls let me know 💜). The first signs his parents knew that there was something different about him was him not responding to his parents when they called to him or pointed towards something for him to look at. He was able to get early intervention to help him cope with the world around him. One thing he still struggles with is overstimulation meltdowns. He has coped a million times better than he was when he was a child. He really wishes they had all the tools they have now for ASD individuals when he was a kid. Antimicrobial chew necklaces, tinted glasses, fidget toys, and ear plugs would have saved him a lot of undeserved stress.

He grew up in a catholic household. He received his communion but due to being raised on strict and bigoted views, he denounced his own religion. He lives as an agnostic. He thought very strongly about what is on the other side of life. He thinks a god is unlikely but, he has no proof to prove it or not. He hates thinking about religion or the afterlife because he has no straight answer on it. And why would a god give him such shitty parents and not give him the body he feels the most comfortable in? It frustrates him enough to want to destroy the drywall with his fist till they are sore and bloody.

He’s transgender. He knew from a very early age that he was a boy. He was able to fully transition at age 17 when he left his family home to live with his best friend Melone and his supportive Mother.

His parents certainly did not see eye to eye about his identity and sexuality. They did everything they possibly could to “save” him. Extended exhausting prayer sessions, uneducated therapists trying to change his way of thinking…everything you can imagine.

They believed he was beyond help and was destined for hell. If it weren’t for his best friend Melone, and the kindness of his nurse mother, he’d be living on the streets. His mothers advocacy helped a lot in getting Ghiaccio the medicine and tools he needed for transitioning. Ghiaccio isn’t very sentimental but he doesn’t know where he’d be without him or his mother helping him out.

He actually hates wintertime. He thrives on daylight. He gets up around 5 am so he get all the daytime to do what he needs to do. He’s not going to waste one minute of daylight sleeping when he can be exercising, doing chores, studying up on hits, and running errands. He thinks the daylight savings time in America is just redundant with knowledge. Losing an hour of sleep then gain another months later?! That’s just ridiculous! You’re just gaslighting us now! How are we ever supposed to know what the actual time is???

He loves dark chocolate with hazelnuts in it. Ferraro Rocher chocolates are his little heaven on earth. He never finishes his dinner without eating one for dessert.

Chocolate connoisseurs can’t stand him. He bites and chews his chocolate instead of letting it MELT in his mouth like he’s supposed to. He does the same thing with hard candy as well. Within the first 3 minutes after giving him a jolly rancher or a butterscotch you can hear an audibly loud CRUNCH. Buddy, you’re going to ruin your teeth 🦷

He’s not a huge fan of alcohol or getting drunk. He doesn’t like the way it makes him feel. He complained that all it does is make him feel sleepy and feel really sick the next day. He’s a social drinker and only has about 1 or 2 drinks at most . He likes dry white wines, champagne, or maybe a mimosa if he's having a morning gathering. He doesn’t like mixed drinks or cocktails, there’s too many different liquors and mixers in it. That’s too complicated for a drink that takes longer to prepare than it takes for him to drink it!

He HATES mint. Peppermint, spearmint, wintergreen…whatever. Just no. How does he brush his teeth? He uses cinnamon toothpaste and visits the dentist regularly. He’d have perfect dental health if he didn’t grind his teeth out of stress and anger all the time. Or you know…with the hard candy…

He lives minimalistically. Outside of a photo or two he’s not big on decor. If it doesn’t have a function he doesn’t see the point in it. Why waste the very little money he gets from the boss on shitty knick knacks that do nothing but sit there and look cutesy? If you’re his s/o and want to spruce up the place then be his guest. He doesn’t care as long as it doesn’t get in the way of anything and he doesn’t have to pay for it—go nuts. Well, within reason.

He has a blue light filter on his glasses and they are single vision lenses. Both the sphere and cylinder are in the low negatives. He wears red Gucci GG1133O square acetate frames. (I think you can guess what industry that I’m in 😅) he likes Gucci the most and Versace the 2nd. He didn’t start wearing glasses until he started first grade. His teacher noticed how close he was bringing the book up to his face to read.

He loves to listen to any genre of music but he gravitates towards music that is heavily focused on criticizing society. He likes bands like SOAD, MUSE, RadioHead, Ministry, and Green Day. …Where TF is The Beatles?! Of course that’s his all time favorite. That’s a nostalgic one for him. It’s what he grew up with as a kid and that band just stuck with him. He listens to them when he feels nostalgic for the very few positive childhood memories he had.

He wears acqua di gio cologne. He uses it moderately so that is what he usually smells like. Naturally he smells like fresh rain, coconut, almond, and slight hints of pine needles.

He has an obsession with spicy food. He loves the traditional Italian cuisine, but has a deep appreciation for foreign flavors. Korean, Sichuan Chinese, Thai, and Mexican. He was able to find a plethora of Mexican and other Latin dishes when he visited his mothers family in America, but in Italy it’s difficult to find outside of making it from scratch. Sadly, he’s a poor cook and doesn’t have much patience in the kitchen. If only he could find a decent authentic restaurant in Italy.

He does have a sense of humor. He likes misheard lyrics and misspellings. He screams when he laughs and it’s infectious. If you don’t know what I’m talking about when I mean scream laughing— look up “ is it Reebok or Nike”

Ghiaccio is a natural blonde, but ever since he got his stand it started growing in blue. He thought it looked dumb at first but now is very grateful for it because now none of his blood relatives will ever recognize him. If there’s anything he hates more than foreigners saying city names wrong, it’s definitely his parents.

In his spare time he likes to go on jogs, ice skate, and swim laps. He’s probably the healthiest member in the squad based on his lifestyle.

He’s nerdy and does know how to make his own computer. Don’t expect him to work with anything Apple related. That’s a whole different ballgame and he doesn’t have the patience to deal with their “overpriced bullshit”.

He plays video games but doesn’t do as much as you would think. Melone is more of a video game aficionado than he is. Ghiaccio likes video games that make him think. He likes puzzle games like Tetris and Puyo Puyo. And he enjoys JRPGs where he can strategize like Dragon Quest, Final Fantasy, and simpler ones like Pokémon. He has a soft spot for Dewgong and wishes there were more ice types. (Poor boy never lived long enough to see all the newer good and bad Pokémon designs 😞)

He gets along with Melone and Risotto the best. The ones he gets along with the least are Formaggio and Illuso due to their personalities and their tendency to tease and make sarcastic remarks. Ghiaccio understands sarcasm but there’s too many men for him to memorize their dry or not so dry sense of humor. He doesn’t take kindly to rude and sarcastic comments at his expense. As for the rest of the men, he generally gets along okay. They don’t have to expect any angry outbursts as long as they don’t interrupt his work or be overly loud…seems a little hypocritical in the last part but can’t exactly blame him for wanting peace and quiet when there’s multiple men having multiple conversations.

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🌶️ Spicy HCs 🌶️

I don’t have too many spicy HC for our lil ice gremlin but here’s what I came to: (no pun intended 🫣)

Some days he’s into chicks other days he’s into dudes. He can’t get a real grapple on what he’s into consistently. But there’s one thing he is consistent on—cunts. Chicks having cunts, dudes having cunts, him being a cunt, you being a cunt, You having a cunt, him having a cu-WRONG. Yes, I know… it’s technically the same organ but no, it’s not . He doesn’t refer to it as that. He wants you to call it his ✨crotch✨. Why? Because he’s a man and he said so. 💙 all trans men are men 💙 and they all are gonna have a special name for their downstairs area. (…as an agender I call mine my bits n’ pieces. I also called it my 2nd mouth but I was told by my bff to never say that ever again lol 🥲)

Regardless of who he’s with, he’s a top. He’s far too aggressive and controlling to let go. Unless you are his s/o, then you might be able to open him up to be a little submissive. He’s going to be a brat about it, but I’m sure there’s something you can do to shut him up. 😘

If he wants penetration, he prefers anal. It can be cock or strap on. He’s not picky there. Taking him from the front is a bit much for him stimulating wise and he doesn’t want to feel any sense of dysphoria. Once in a blue moon with his s/o, never a fling, he’s open to a little front-play. He doesn’t want anything bigger than a couple fingers though. Nothing phallic up front. That’s an instant way to get him out of the mood.

He’s not very hairy but he has a blue happy trail that tapers off under his navel. It’s very attractive since he maintains it as much as he does the hair on his head. He won’t admit it, but he’s very proud of his grooming down there.

He’s very good at kissing. He loves sucking face. He can go from soft and sweet with butterfly kisses to shoving his tongue down your throat and biting your lips.

He’s big on oral. He loves eating cunt, ass, and sucking cock. He can’t deep throat but he’s very good with his tongue. 👅 If you’re wondering if he spits or swallows, he spits. He doesn’t mind a fresh nut in his mouth but swallowing it? That’s a tall order for his senses. Makes him gag too much to try.

His favorite places to bang are in bed and his car. His car is so nice. Why would he try to ruin it? Well good news, that was his fathers car that he took with him when he left. He beats the shit out of his Miata so he has no qualms if you end up squirting all over his passenger seat. There’s a couple of napkins in the center console that you can clean up with. You filthy puttana.

He masturbates daily but until he meets you/his s/o, he’s actually a virgin. He always got so close to sealing the deal with a hookup but he was too afraid of the possibility of bigotry due to him not having bottom surgery.

He refuses to get bottom surgery. It’s his body and his choice. It’s his right. Getting top surgery was a very painful decision he made but he’s glad he went through it. But having bottom surgery concerns him since there’s lots of surgical work and he enjoys sex the way he has it now. Why change something that only he will see and if he’s comfortable with it? He understands why others like Prosciutto got bottom surgery.(I’m on the trans Prosci bandwagon now 😚 I’m in love with that HC 😍 ) Bottom surgery is a massive decision and he respects him for that.

He’s slightly vanilla but not boring. He likes temp play, lingerie (on you/his s/o), some light impact play, and hair pulling.

One unique thing that turns him on is when people are cold and get goosebumps. And when they hug themselves from the cold or he can see their nips, that makes him bite his lip.

The only thing that would turn him off besides the obvious gross-outs are feet(just dirty feet), nutting inside him, and swapping loads. He never understood why Melone got off on feet. They aren’t disgusting per say—but visibly dirty feet? That makes his skin crawl.

He thinks its cliche but his ideal date would be having a picnic in a park and then driving his s/o up somewhere secluded over seeing the scenery of the city where he fucks the shit out of them. He won’t admit it but he daydreams about that a lot.

#jjba #jjba part 5 #la squadra #jjba x reader #la squadra x reader #minors dni #la squadra esecuzioni #jojo ghiaccio x reader #jjba ghiaccio x reader #jojo ghiaccio #jjba ghiaccio

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lovemyromance · 11 months ago

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Antis: “Azriel only feels lust for Elain”

…

Ok. Yeah. Sure. Exactly.

Azriel only feels lust for Elain.

…

Azriel has been a side character thus far in this series, seen and understood only through outsider eyes (Feyre, Nesta, Cassian, Rhys).

According to all his friends/family, he’s absurdly in love with Mor. Or at least he was, until he seemingly moved on

But then in ACOSF, in the ONE POV we get from Azriel…he is showing desire for only Elain.

Now, keep in mind: This is after his interactions with Mor, after his interactions with Gw*n, the hordes of women in Velaris, etc. And yet… he is only showing attraction and feelings for Elain.

If this man just wanted a quickie, you really think he’d have to go to such lengths for that? I’m betting he’s everyone in the IC’s hall pass 😭 This is not a man that needs to elaborately scheme to get laid 😭

And if this man just wanted a mate, you think he’d be chasing after the one female he KNOWS is already mated? He KNOWS she is not his mate. With that logic, wouldn’t he be looking towards anyone BUT Elain?

You can’t be out here saying “Azriel only wants a mate” and then in the same breath saying “Azriel only feels lust”. Which is it? Is he looking for only his partner in eternal-everlasting love or is he just looking for sex? Those two cannot exist at the same time for the same person in one instance.

And before you reply all indignant and huffy, I should tell you that yes, I have heard the ridiculous other explanation from antis saying “well he has a lot of issues so he goes for unavailable women because he’s not ready to be loved and deep down he knows that” 🤡

Do I need to deign that with a response? Now you’re saying “He only wants a mate but he isn’t ready for a mate so he then wants only lust with Elain”. Make it make sense. Please tell me where in his POV it says any of this, and it might help me understand how you came up with all these words. You are making assumptions, on top of assumptions. We do not know ANYTHING about this man. He has ONE POV and in it all he does is dream about Elain and have some banter with his trainee. How are y’all coming up with such a complex, deep layered backstory and user guide for Azriel when we don’t know shit about him?? We don’t even know his last name ffs. How are you out here advocating as his personal therapist??

Just read the words on the page as they are. They paint a clear enough picture.

Call it lust. Call it love. Call it attraction. Call it whatever you want - but there is something worth acknowledging between Elain and Azriel. Something important enough that SJM published an entire bonus chapter about it.

People speculated they might be a thing throughout ACOMAF-ACOFAS, but then that bonus chapter came out and clear as day you can see them so down bad for each other, they’re ready to risk it all while everyone’s still snoring upstairs. You think either of them would’ve risked that for a one-night stand 🤡🤡?

….

And do we really think if the next book was Azriel x Other Character, SJM would start it off with him fantasizing about getting on his knees for another woman? Sure the very first love interest might not be endgame for SJM… but both Az & Elain have had other LIs (Mor, Graysen, Lucien even). They are not each others first, but they are certainly each others last.

They are the only pairing currently mutually attracted to each other. They aren’t fully in love yet (that we know of), but there is something there. That’s what their book will then explore. The idea that despite fate, despite politics, despite everything against them, Az & Elain will choose each other.

But I thought that was obvious 🤷🏻‍♀️

#elriel #azriel #elain archeron #elain x azriel #pro elain #acotar #elain

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usedtobethelegendcreator · 3 months ago

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Why do I like Alastor?

Listen. When your therapist starts psychoanalyzing you and it sounds like an Alastor analysis, you gotta do some soul searching. So, I’m going to list off all of our similarities. This is going to be more unorganized than usual.

1. We like being in control:

We’re both puppeteers! We like having people obey us, not the other way around. We’re very anti-submission (my therapist’s word) and don’t like being told what to do. We don’t like having people more powerful than us in the room or even in the area, because something more powerful than us is something that can override our will—and, by extension, our comfort zone and boundaries.

When it comes to romantic relationships, the healthiest solution is to find someone who’s into being dominated. (Cough cough, Vox. I told you guys I write my own kinks.)

2. We have trouble feeling sympathy and empathy:

It’s something I had to practice, but I get the feeling Alastor never bothered. I’m not very good at it, either. Then again, I’m not killing people.

3. We have violent urges:

Yeah, that is very much a thing for me. The difference is that Alastor carries them out without remorse. I usually just ignore those thoughts, or try to think of something else.

4. We mostly stick to one era of music:

Alastor has the Jazz Age, I have the 2010s. Pretty much nothing after 2020 appeals to me, outside of fan songs.

5. We don’t have breakdowns often, but when we do, it’s wild:

Alastor monologued during his. I hyperventilate during mine and feel like I’m not inside my body. Like I said, it’s wild.

6. We pull our hair:

If my hands aren’t occupied, I’ll end up with a hairball in them. But the way Alastor was tugging? With those claws? Yeesh.

7. People see our rage as impotent:

Yes, this is about the people that think Alastor’s frustration with Lucifer was “pathetic”. Yes, that did hit a powerful nerve in me. If you yell right in my ear the moment you open the door, even if I don’t already know you’re the reason there are yearly mass murders, I will immediately hate you. And contrary to a lot of bad-faith fanfiction, buttering up our ego or something is not the solution. The best way to calm us down is to be taken seriously. With Alastor, of course, the ego thing will certainly help, but it’s not the root.

8. We feel impotent when we’re enraged:

This ties in with the last one. Alastor literally grows several hundred times in size when he’s truly angry, that’s pretty obviously a self-comforting action. If I’m bigger than them, they can’t hurt me. If I’m bigger than them, nothing at all can hurt me. That kind of thing.

9. We don’t like constant change:

Alastor’s outfit (which isn’t era-accurate, according to someone much more knowledgeable than I am) is evidence that he isn’t adverse to change as a whole, but someone like Vox is a constant source of anxiety for us. It’s very hard to keep up with something that’s always changing, and we can’t get our feet on the ground and a moment to breathe. I can change which jacket I wear, but never wearing the same jacket twice? Kill me now.

10. We put on a facade around people we want to be in the good graces of:

Alastor with the hotel residents, and me with pretty much everyone. This ‘facade’ I’m talking about isn’t necessarily a fake personality, it’s a facet of our real personalities that will best appeal to the people we’re talking to. That’s another thing my therapist brought up: I’m always putting on a mask, and there’s so many that no one knows who I really am. Hell, even I don’t know at this point. Alastor’s been putting on masks for over a century. I don’t think he knows anymore, either.

I think he thinks he knows who he is, but if someone poked a hole in that image of himself as the Radio Demon, he’d shatter as easily as glass. Because he’s not 100% evil, as much as he wants to be.

11. People think we’re a danger to others, even when we’re not:

*gestures to Vaggie* *gestures to the entire fucking fandom* *gestures to my mother* *gestures to unnamed family members that didn’t even have the guts to say it to my face* It sucks. Like, thank you for taking me seriously for once??? But also no.

12. We have dramatic body language to make up for stunted facial expressions:

Alastor has his eternal smile, and I have my eternal frown. The facial expressions thing was actually brought up by a previous therapist. I’ve had to throw my arms out like a theatre kid to make sure a family member knew I wasn’t being sarcastic…I’m not a theatre kid.

13. We switch between being extreme extroverts and extreme introverts:

I’ve said before that I’m low functioning in almost everything except social interaction. I can keep up with the fastest mouths and the longest-winded, but I’ll disappear for a week and only emerge for water. Meanwhile, Alastor keeps up his overly-cheerful facade up for the whole series and disappears for two episodes. And for seven years before that.

14. When people talk shit to us, we fly off the handle at the speed of light:

Husk in the hallway scene. Lucifer, period. Vox at the end of episode two. Everyone on Tumblr and Wattpad that’s ever picked a fight with me. That one anon in particular. The list goes on.

15. We have very stunted emotions, except for anger:

I don’t know why anger is an exception, either. But we don’t see any strong emotions from Alastor besides rage (and maybe amusement), so it’s clearly a thing for him too.

16. We enjoy the smell of death:

Death smells pretty nice, actually. There’s nothing quite like it. Alastor gets it. If anyone wants the full story of Larry the Rotting Deer Carcass, let me know. I’d love to tell it.

And that’s all I can think of right now. This definitely veered into a bit of character analysis for Alastor, but then again, I was analyzing myself, so that just proves my point.

#hazbin hotel #alastor #the radio demon #alastor analysis #self analysis #autism #aspergers #i was originally going to make a little alastor comic about this #but i wouldn’t have been able to say all the things i needed to

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bubbleguppyyy · 15 days ago

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Oh, Little Birdy.

Chapter 8

Dean x fem! reader, Past! Bucky x fem! reader

Story Synopsis: Being plagued by constant dreams of a man with beautiful green eyes who calls you Birdy can be very confusing if you don't remember ever meeting him. You want to understand these dreams all while trying to understand why you used to harbor feelings for a certain Winter Soldier who wants "nothing" to do with you.

-You can play the song if you want! It's just here to provide background in this chapter!-

----------------

A ping from Tony’s computer alerted him, momentarily distracting him from his current project. He sauntered over and lifted his goggles to better see his screen. The therapist application had been set back; it had been the only one Tony had received since they sent it out. Scrolling through the application, Tony had to admit that the guy had a good background. He wasn’t the best of the best, but he would be perfect for you.

“Dr. Jimmy Nodvak. Huh, seems normal enough to me. Hopefully Buffy won’t be too picky.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Alright, Cas, let’s go through this one more time. You are a mental health therapist who specializes in those who have PTSD and have gone through major body modifications, such as testing with serums by Hydra. Your name is Dr. Jimmy Nodvak and you have a wife and a little girl. You don’t know who we are and have never heard of the Supernatural series. Also, try to keep the God and faith talk out of this, she needs an unbiased opinion and not just a “Well if you had faith” conversation. Oh, and you are a normal human being who cannot hear or talk to angels.”

Cas looked down at the little script Sam had made with furrowed brows. He did not understand why Sam was going through all of this trouble when Cas could just go and get you. He had played the role of Jimmy before but he was told he wasn’t very good at “playing human”. This was already hard to understand, he could not fathom how he could possibly help you when he was still learning his role.

“I do not understand why we must go through all of this trouble, Sam. How are you sure it is her? Also, why can I not tell Dean?”

Sam sighed and ran his hands through his hair. In all honesty, he had no idea if it was you. The court cases blocked out your face and didn’t give a proper name. All Sam knew was that the backstory and features he could make out reminded him of you. For all Sam knew, he could be betting on losing dogs. He was jumping into this way too fast but it had practically been laid out for him.

He missed you terribly, but Sam knew he could never miss you as much as Dean. His brother had spent a good part of his life looking for you and making deals trying to find you. Dean even told Sam that it didn’t feel right with Lisa, no matter how hard he had tried to convince himself.

“You know why, Cas. Dean is a shoot-first-think-later kind of guy. If I told him that I had possibly found her, he would attempt to break into the Avengers compound. You don’t understand what Dean was like with her. He would’ve traded his soul in a heartbeat as long as it meant she got to live happy and free.”

Cas could only stare at Sam, his face full of confusion. You weren’t important to the brothers' lives, at least, according to Chuck. He apparently had never heard of you and if he doesn’t have a vision, he doesn’t write it in the books. Castiel could not fathom why Dean was so enamored with you, he had never even mentioned you.

“I do not understand your infatuation, Sam, but I will do my best to analyze her and determine if she is ready to meet you two again.”

Sam could only give a small smile and nod, already losing hope in Castiel. This was going to be a lot harder than he thought.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You were sitting outside, a book open on your lap but you had stopped paying attention to it a while ago. Your gaze was on the life around you, watching the world pass by. You could get used to days like this where the only thing you had to worry about was what you were going to eat for lunch.

The green grass swaying with the wind lulled you into a trance. A bright green leaf danced its way to you landing just by your fingertips. You weren’t paying attention, though. Your head was turned up towards the sky, allowing the sun to warm your face. A contented sigh escaped you as you closed your book and fell back on the grass.

“And here I thought vampires couldn’t be in the sun.”

You cracked your eyes open, shooting a glare at the familiar sunglasses blocking your view of the sky. Tony was hunched over you, a smirk playing on his lips.

“I hunt them, Tony, I’m not one of them. Although, if you keep blocking my sun I might just bite you.”

He barked a laugh, plopping himself next to you on the grass. He got comfortable with his hands under his head.

“No need to get weird, I was just coming out here to deliver good news.”

You turned your head to eye him. He didn’t continue on with the good news, creating a tense silence. He had such a flare for dramatics and sometimes you really hated it.

“Alright, what is it?”

He turned to prop himself up on his elbow, pulling a file from absolutely nowhere and holding it out to you. You sat up at that, gingerly taking the file and opening it. Quickly scanning the contents, your jaw dropped. He had found you someone and this someone was more than qualified for you and your needs.

“Now, he doesn’t come from any prestigious schools or anything but I guess he’s alright if you like him. I can still deny the appl-”

He was cut off by you tackling him in a hug. You squeezed him tightly, a joyous laugh escaping you. He was flailing around, trying to get you off of him. You could only laugh harder as he finally decided to lie there in defeat. Tony was the closest thing you had to some sort of father figure and he seemed to understand that at this moment.

“Alright, alright, I know I’m amazing but you’re hurting my back, kid.”

You shifted off of him, now hugging the file. Tony sat up, dramatically groaning and holding his lower back. You both started laughing at his groaning as you both stood. He ruffled your hair as you both walked inside the compound. The sound of the team's laughter had you stopping short though.

“Thank you for your help, Tony. I should probably go and schedule my first appointment.”

You still weren’t ready to try and integrate with them, the fear of rejection burning in your throat. Tony saw the hesitation in your eyes, letting out a long sigh in response. He couldn’t force you, but he hoped you would eventually join them in their antics.

“It’s not a problem. Go do what you need to do and if you want to come down for game night, you’re always welcome.”

With a wink and smirk, Tony entered the common room, leaving you standing right by the elevator. You contemplated what he said; the game night wouldn’t be bad. It would allow you to slowly get to know the team more but it just seemed too personal. They were all so close and you were just there. Pressing the button, you decided you would share the news of your new therapist with someone else.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bucky was swinging left and right, the punching bag barely hanging on by a thread. He had worked up the courage to talk to you today, yet he couldn’t find you anywhere. You weren’t at dinner last night and he was worried you had changed your mind about him fixing things. Lately, you two have been getting along well. There were still some barriers but you both enjoyed a lot of the same things, so connecting too wasn’t hard.

You stood by the door, watching Bucky go at it. Originally, you were going to tell him about the therapist, but he looked really busy. The punching bag was getting pummeled and he hadn’t even broken a sweat yet. He must’ve sensed you watching, though, because he quickly turned to look at you. He barely missed the punching bag swinging back at him as he walked towards you.

“Sorry, did you need to use the gym? I’m just about done and it’s all yours. Although, I was thinking of sparring if you were up for it?”

Did Bucky pick this gym even when the other three were empty because it was your favorite? Maybe. Was he still going to be a gentleman and leave if you wanted him to? Absolutely. You were hugging a file to your chest, your eyes flitting around the gym. They landed back on him and a smile lit up your face. Now, Bucky was curious about the file but if you kept smiling at him like that then he could probably forget about most things.

“No, no I’m not here to use the gym. I, uh, actually just had some news to share and you were the first person to pop into my head. But if you're busy it’s really not that big of a deal!”

You seriously hated interrupting people, especially when they were working out. When you worked out, any interruptions were not welcomed and you had to complete your full routine before you did anything else. Bucky seemed like the type to be that way as well but he plopped down on the bench by the door and gestured for you to sit with him. He was inviting you to tell him, surprising you.

Sitting down closer than normal to him, you opened the file and slid it onto his lap. Chewing on the inside of your lip, you waited patiently as he read the file.

”A therapist? Wait, did Tony get you a therapist?”

Bucky turned to you, enthusiasm radiating off of him. He was smiling ear to ear, looking at your face for a reaction. Nodding your head, you met his smile with one of your own.

“After Fury called about making you an appointment with one, Tony decided to look into one for me. I was fully cleared yesterday so now I get to schedule an appointment.”

Bucky couldn’t believe he was thinking this but, maybe Tony wasn’t too bad. Sure, he hated his nicknames and how he thought he was the greatest one in the room but he had his perks. Like the fact that Tony was willing to go out of his way to find you someone who will help you. Bucky was ecstatic for you and you were smiling at him and he just couldn’t help himself. He reached his arms out, gesturing for an embrace.

You fell right into him, squeezing his midsection and nuzzling your head in his chest. Bucky was so warm and he smelled like cedar and spice. He was so much bigger than you, hunching over himself to engulf you in a hug. He breathed deeply, sighing into your hair as he held onto you. It felt nice when neither of you experienced much love and affection in your life.

“Did you get a new perfume? It smells really good.”

You lifted away from him, pulling your shirt up to smell it. The scent of patchouli, musk, and vanilla washed over your senses. It was comforting in a way a flower field in the summer would comfort someone. You smiled to yourself, a memory fleeting across your mind of Dean.

“Yes, I just got it the other day with Wanda. I think I’ve smelt it before so I decided to buy it.”

Bucky hummed as he still held you in his arms. You looked so good like this, talking about what you liked and sitting in his arms. Bucky realized that he could get used to this, you and him not fighting or ignoring each other. He could get used to you two being together, again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dean sat alone in a motel room, staring out the window. Cars passed and shops closed across the street, yet he couldn’t look away. Sam was out getting food and probably wouldn’t be back for another 30 minutes. The motel room was starting to feel small, slowly closing in and suffocating him. So, Dean did the only thing he knew how to do to calm himself down, he raged.

He swiped everything off of the small desk, shattering the lamp. He knocked over the TV stand, stepping on a bible that fell out of a drawer while on his way to the bathroom. He gripped the edge of the sink, breathing deeply. He looked up and stared at his red-rimmed eyes. Glancing to the side, he swore to god that you were standing there.

“Dean, I’m right here.”

His fist slammed into the mirror, shattering your image into a thousand pieces. Gripping his head, Dean walked swiftly back to the bed. He dumped the contents out of his bag, searching for the one thing he needed. He was losing his grip, slowly slipping into another part of him he hated far too much.

“Dean, it’s okay, everything will be okay.”

Your hand was on his shoulder, but he couldn’t feel your smooth skin. Your voice was in his ear, but he couldn't feel your warm breath. You were right there in front of him, but he knew you weren’t actually. Tearing through his clothes, he finally found what he was looking for. He sat on the bed scooting up until his back hit the headboard. With shaking hands, he brought your favorite perfume to his nose.

The scent of patchouli hit him and the tears started flowing. This half-empty bottle, your sweater, and your digicam were all he had left of you. He let out a choked sob as he held the bottle near his face, taking a whiff after every breath. An image of you conjured in his head, sitting in front of him on the bed. You were smiling and reaching out to brush your hand over his forehead. Before you could touch him, you faded away into the night.

Dean couldn’t take it anymore, he refused to believe you were dead. Scooting off the bed, he checked the clock while grabbing his phone. Sam had texted him, letting him know that dinner was taking forever. That meant Dean had at least another 25-30 minutes. Grabbing Sam’s computer, he started searching for you. He tried different keywords, each search coming up empty.

Fifteen minutes had passed and Dean had found absolutely nothing. Deciding this would be the last search, he typed in ‘Hydra assassin rescued’ and clicked enter. The search engine loaded for a moment before exploding in articles. Your face was blurred but Dean would know you just by your presence alone. There you were, rescued by the Avengers and just now being cleared of your apparent crimes. Dean leaned back in his chair, scrubbing his face. He couldn’t believe it, you were alive and he was going to find you.

------------------

If you would like to be added to the tag list, please comment on my pinned post! I hope you enjoyed this chapter!

@shirukitsune @sunlovinggirly

#dean x reader #dean x you #dean winchester #sam winchester #bucky x you #bucky x reader #the avengers #marvel #supernatural #spn #fanfic #x reader #drama #romance #love triangle #Spotify #angst

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arachnoia · 2 years ago

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finally ➶ . ˚ ༉‧₊˚ˑ༄ؘ | miguel o’hara

miguel o’hara x fem! reader (nsfw!)

a/n: this is an odd series but um. yeah I don’t know. but nevertheless thank you so much for the support of this little series! it means a lot !

pls pls gimmie requests! ya girl is dying from writer’s block and I neeeeed ideassss pleaseee

warnings- nsfw, riding, unprotected sex, p in v, untranslated spanish, a lil bit of angst, third and final part to gone and holy shock! (idk how to make warnings 😭)

- 1: gone -2: holy shock

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

“What the hell? He doesn’t mean it, according to you?”

Peter probably tried to make you feel better with that. But he didn’t. He didn’t mean it? Was it a prank? Because it’s a shitty ass prank if it was.

“Yup! Just talk to him about it!!” Peter said enthusiastically.

“But if he didn’t mean it?”

“Miguel’s all bark-“

“No, he isn’t!” you said, your voice cracking immensely. You started to cry a little bit more. “He hurt me with that, Peter.”

Peter’s gaze softened as he gave you another hug to your sobbing figure.

“He hurt me so so bad with that. Notes are usually supposed to be small and have a small affect on a person. Usually it’s positive but goddamn.”

“It’s okay, kid.” He said, rubbing your back.

You sniffled and stood up from where you were sitting. The sky was already starting to turn into an indigo color and that was your sign to go home.

And cry, of course.

“Peter, I think it’s best if I go back home…”

“Okay, here, hold the baby,” He said as he held out Mayday in front of you, giving you a dopey smile.

You smiled slightly, “What?”

“It’ll make you feel better. This kid’s got some superpowers, man.”

You held Mayday and smiled at the redhead child. “She’s as beautiful as MJ.”

You gave Mayday a hug and gave her back to Peter.

“See ya tomorrow, kid. Talk to him, okay?” Peter said, giving you a stern look.

“Okay. Bye, Peter. Thank you,” you said, waving goodbye and opening an opening to your universe.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

“Yeah okay, he’s totally way outta line!”

Peter decided to tell MJ what happened. He didn’t know how to exactly help you so he decided to ask MJ.

MJ fumed because she met you a few times and you had her full respect. She didn’t care that Peter was friends with Miguel, she was pissed.

He’s not good at being a friendship therapist.

“I told her to just talk to him. I’m not sure I did the right thing though,” Peter frowned and glanced over at Mayday who was sleeping peacefully, snuggling with her Spider-man plush.

“I think you did the right thing. I mean aren’t they dating?”

Peter jerked his head towards MJ and widened his eyes. “Wait what?”

She nodded, “Peter, it sounds like Y/n and Miguel are having trouble in paradise.”

“WOAH THERE. Miguel? The grumpy, stompy, depressed guy? With Y/n? The also grumpy but as much of an ass as Miguel girl? What?”

MJ laughed. “Well Peter, I assumed because whenever you talked about them before, those two always seemed a little too close to be just friends?”

Peter had an epiphany, “Holy shiitake mushrooms…”

“The way they look at each other…You thought they were friends, Peter?”

Peter looked shocked, “THAT’S WHAT Y/N TOLD ME!”

MJ scoffed, “Maybe they are. But I don’t know, Peter! Friends don’t exactly do that!”

“WHAT?”

MJ went over to Peter and held his shoulder. “Just let them be okay? I trust whatever Y/n is going to do.”

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

You teleported to your universe, ending up on the top of your apartment building. You accidentally tripped and cut your leg on a piece of metal on the ground. “Ah, fuck.”

You limped to your apartment and turned on the living room lights just a bit, enough for you to see where to go.

You went to the bathroom to get the first aid kit and jumped as you turned on the bathroom lights.

“Are you alright?”

The hairs on your neck stood up as you stared at him behind you from the mirror. You felt chills across your spine as you made eye contact with his crimson red eyes.

He turned you around by the shoulders so you would look at him in the face. “I asked you if you’re alright?”

“How did you get in here.” You said, your voice cold and stern, making his eyes soften.

“You had your window open and the lights are on.”

“That doesn’t give you an invitation to come in.”

He shrugged. “It gave you an invitation last time.”

You frowned and tried to free yourself from his grasp. “Fuck you. Leave me the fuck alone-”

“Y/n, let me explain-”

Your eyes widened angrily. “Didn’t you want me GONE from your life? What the fuck happened to that? YOU LEFT ME!”

Miguel froze and stood back from you. You were already a crying mess from before and he noted how puffy your eyes were from your living room’s dim lighting.

All the sadness disappeared and all you felt was anger.

“Do you know how much I cared for you? And all you do is leave me and leave me a pathetic little note that you hate me?” You then walked over to him and slapped him. “How fucking DARE you.”

His eyes pierced through you as he whispered. “Cared? So you don’t anymore…?”

“Oh I didn’t say that. I hate myself for still caring for you, right now,” you said, feeling tears spill from your eyes again.

He put his hands in his face in frustration. “I did that because I care for you. I don’t want you to be hurt if you were to be with me, or for me to be hurt if I lose you.”

You looked at him and pouted, “Oh really, Miguel? You care for me?”

His face softened. “Yeah, cariño.”

Your face shifted to a calm look. “You still hurt me either way, you fucking idiot. You think i’m going to take that lameass excuse?”

He froze. “I hurt you?”

You smiled sadistically, “Did you think I was going to smile and laugh after seeing that bullshit? Oh ‘I want you gone from my life’ ahahaha! Give me a fucking break.”

You never thought you’d see the day Miguel O’Hara would go on his knees and start sobbing.

For you.

“I’m…I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean it. I just didn’t want to hurt you,” he sobbed.

You felt a little cruel for wanting to laugh at his face. How was he going to fuck you and hurt you a few hours later?

That shit doesn’t make sense.

The silence was loud, giving you time to think until you finally spoke.

“How sorry are you?”

He looked up from his position and stared at you. “You can’t imagine how sorry I am.”

You smiled at him, “Show me how sorry you are.” You said calmly.

You held a staring contest with him as you took your suit off, showing off your toned body, leaving little to the imagination with your red panties and blue bra.

His concerned look turned dark yet he still froze.

It matched his suit.

You lead him on the couch and cradled him once he sat down.

“C’mon, babyyy. Show me!” you moaned, going to kiss his neck as you feel a wave of his cologne hit your nose.

It was your favorite cologne.

You felt adrenaline go through your veins. You didn’t know what else to do and remembered how good last night felt, although the end isn’t what you wanted.

It was irrational and impulsive, you know that. But he wanted you to forgive him and he did say he’ll do anything.

“Ay dios…Fuck-“ he groaned as you grinded against his erected member, making your pussy throb even more.

He stretched his arm to press the button on his watch to take off his suit, leaving him naked.

You panted and smiled. “So you really are naked under there? Thought it was just me being delusional.”

He smirked and licked his lips. “It’s all real, baby.”

You bit your lips as his lips started to big in your neck and breasts, leaving more bites. “Show me how sorry you really are, hermoso. F-Fuck!”

He steadily fingered and abused your throbbing clit as your soft moans fueled him to go even faster.

He then stood up and turned you around to gain some support from the couch as your ass faced him. You felt your panties and bra be ripped off by his claws.

“F-Fuck you, that was my favorite pair.”

“Aw? Was it because it reminded you of me?” He laughed, his dick grazing your wet vagina.

“J-Just put it in already, O’Hara!” you screamed, grabbing his dick yourself and putting it in. The both of you moaned as pleasure shot through both of you.

“H-Harder, O’Hara! Show m-me how much you’re sorry!”

He started slapping your ass continuously as he went in and out of you. He started groaning as you were grinding against him again, “Asi, mami. Fuckkkk.”

You felt him twitch and immediately took him out of you. He looked at you angrily. “Pa’que haces eso?!”

“Not my fault you were going to come already. It’s been what? 30 seconds? Can’t you go longer?” you teased.

You switched positions and faced him as you had your legs spread out. He held them in order to then go into you again, only much more aggressive and faster.

You smiled and kissed him as he went aggressive on your sensitive pussy. “Mmmm fuck…”

He grabbed onto your legs a little too strong, making you wince from your injury from earlier but he still kept going and going.

You felt him smile in the kiss too and he went even faster.

The room was filled with a symphony of skin slapping and moaning, with the occasional curses Miguel let out in Spanish.

It felt so wrong, but so fucking good.

“P-Princesa please. I’m gonna come-“ he said as he painted your walls and insides white once again. Shortly after, you reached your high and was grinding on him once again.

“Oh-Oh fuckkk Miguel!” you couldn’t help but claw at his shoulders from the pleasure crash you were experiencing.

“Let’s take this to the bedroom, princesa,” he said, as he carried you there.

He placed you on top of him as he entered in you again and you started riding his dick, which was hard again.

You started to make out with him again and moaned in the kiss. “Mmm fuck. Just like that, baby.”

He grabbed and squeezed your ass before he started spanking and he left your ass with several imprints of his hands.

He started attacking your breasts and massaged them as you rode his dick even faster.

You felt him twitch again as you clenched on his dick and smiled. “So soon?”

He threw his head back and grunted, “S-Shock-“

You laughed as he finished again, leaving the in between of your legs a sticky, white mess once more.

You went for a few more rounds until he tired himself out and knocked out.

“Already so tired, Miguel?” you said as he spooned you. He groaned as a response and closed his eyes.

This is what you always wanted; being in his arms as he protected you. The sex was just the cherry on top to a good fantasy come reality.

“I love you, cariño,” he whispered as he then fell asleep.

You smiled at him and stayed like that. You waited until you were certain he was knocked out and let yourself go from his grasp.

Lucky for you, you had an expresso shot so you didn’t feel so tired. You just felt a bit sore.

You took a quick shower and suited up with a new accessory you made.

You went over to your bedroom, being met with Miguel still knocked out in your bed. You smiled at the sight as he snored a bit.

“I’m just going to leave you a little note here if that’s okay? I’ll get going, cariño.”

“I’ll be gone for now, ” You kissed his forehead again while leaving a note next to his side of the bed along with your watch. You watched him for a bit before your face and tone went cold.

You went down to his level and whispered darkly as you smiled.

“I quit.”

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

“I’m going to do it, I’m going to do it!” Peter was pacing around outside of Miguel’s office and has been for 10 minutes.

MJ had Mayday for the day and Peter felt remorse for you, so he was going to stick up for you.

He felt bad that you went through this.

He understood Miguel was an ass to the average person but you two were friends to crying out loud!

It wasn’t until the door opened, revealing a fuming Miguel, stomping towards Peter.

“O-Oh h-hey Miguel-“

Miguel glared at Peter and scoffed, “Cut the shit, Peter. Where the fuck is Y/l/n?”

Peter raised his eyebrows, “What do you mean?”

“I mean what I said. Where. Is. She? Lyla?”

Lyla popped out from behind him and saluted, “Yes sir?”

“Find Y/l/n. I need to speak with her.”

Lyla frowned, “I’m trying but Miguel, she doesn’t have her watch and I can’t find her!”

Miguel looked even more upset. “THEN TRY HARDER!” Lyla’s eyes widened as she started to look even further, tracking your dimension history.

“U-Uh Miguel ? Are you alright?” Peter was a little frightened.

It’s obvious how terrifying Miguel O’Hara is when he’s angry.

“You. You were the last person to see her before-“ He stopped himself and bit his lip.

“You were just the last person to see her. Where is she?”

Peter frowned, “Well isn’t she in her dimension?”

“YOU THINK I HAVEN’T TRIED LOOKING THERE?”

Peter frowned at Miguel. “W-Well, if you weren’t such an asshole to her, maybe this wouldn’t have never had happ-“

Miguel pointed at Peter angrily, “Don’t you dare tell me what to do. You’re the last person I want to be lectured by.”

He turned around and walked back into his office, before Lyla spoke.

“I think I have something?”

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

You smiled as you enjoyed the scenery of Nueva York once again, enjoying an empanada.

Alone.

Your heart stung. It would have been better with Miguel. You already got your revenge but he probably doesn’t care enough to say something.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

“Hola mi amor!” Doña Rosa greeted, waving at your entrance. “The usual?”

You nodded as you smiled. “Yes, please. Just one though.” She nodded and went into the kitchen.

Doña Rosa’s husband pointed at you, confused. “Donde está ese chavo? Miguel, is it?”

As Doña Rosa finished packing up, she nodded. ��Yeah mija! Something happened?”

You nodded. “It’s nothing! Don’t worry!”

Doña Rosa and her husband looked at each other and smiled at you.

“Whatever’s going on, I’m sure everything will be alright!”

“Hopefully, señora…Hopefully.”

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

You stopped munching on your empanada as you felt your Spider sense go off, but ignored it, thinking it was a bird.

That is, until you saw two web shots in a scarlet orange in your direction.

“Y/L/N!” Your body froze as you heard that familiar scream from behind you. He sounded so angry.

You had your suit but had a sweater on top. Which happened to be his.

You couldn’t bring yourself to give it back and it’s really comfortable.

You stood up and backed away.

He had his suit, except his mask, revealing his angry face.

Maybe you were being delusional again but it looked like he was crying.

“Miguel-“

He went over to you and hugged you, stuffing his face in your hair. He’s always liked the smell of your hair.

“I’m so sorry. I’m really really sorry.” he muttered, hugging you tighter.

You didn’t know what to say. You just stood there frozen.

“I- I just didn’t want you hurt and what I did was selfish but I didn’t know how hurt you felt until you did the same to me. And I’m so fucking sorry.”

You felt him tremble a bit, maybe because he was crying again. You heard his voice crack again.

“Please forgive me…” You patted his back and smiled.

“I forgive you. I’m sorry too.”

He smiled. “I see you’re wearing my sweater,” he pulled on the drawstring and laughed.

“It’s just comforting, don’t take it to heart, O’Hara-“

Lyla popped out and rolled her eyes. “Just kiss at this point. It shouldn’t be hard considering you two did other things. Or might I say, each ot-“

Miguel pulled back and rolled his eyes. “That’s enough, Lyla.”

Lyla looked at you. “It wasn’t hard to also find you since your watch had a different signal than the others and-“

“LYLA!”

She scoffed. “Geez okay!”

He looked back at you with sorrow written on his face. He finally held out his hand in front of you and smiled.

“Are you willing to give us a shot?”

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

y’all choose your ending xo 😘

idk what I j wrote here but woo hoo! gone is finally complete!

pls pls pls send in writing requests in my profileeee!!! thank you <3

tags ❤️‍🔥 -

@viriexo @voldemort-is-bi @catr4dora @ushygushybaby @leftcupcakedefendor

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my-autism-adhd-blog · 2 years ago

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Hi everyone,

It’s been a while since I’ve posted something from an article. So I wanted to share an article I found listing some ways to practice self-care. According to this article, here are some ways that could help:

Binge watch your favorite TV shows.

This is the first thing I do when I start running out of gas. It’s comforting, I identify with the characters, I know what’s going to happen in the show, and that relaxes me. It’s easy to do, like putting on a Band-Aid.

Spend a day in doing self-care activities.

I got a massage, took long baths, journaled and ate my favorite meals (a lot of Chick-fil-A and ga roti from Vietnam). I tried to spend time outside, but the mosquitoes were bad, so I ensconced myself in my sunroom which has several windows and is very colorful. It’s my happy place.

Meditate or do deep breathing.

I won’t lie, it’s difficult for me to meditate without a guiding app on my phone, and even then, I have trouble. But meditation is so good for you; it helps you be mindful, manage stress, reduce negative emotion and decreases anxiety. As for deep breathing, I always like to do box breathing, where you inhale for four seconds, hold for four seconds, exhale for four seconds, hold for four seconds and repeat. I read that Navy SEALs use this technique.

Go to a therapist or counselor.

I know that I talked my husband’s and my mom’s ears off about the fundraiser, and I could tell they were getting weary of being a sounding board. So I took my issues to my therapist, which is what I’m supposed to do, and it felt so good to release all that negative energy. She let me vent but helped me refocus on the good I was doing, too. I highly recommend therapy/counseling. If you don’t have a therapist, look into Family Counseling Service. It has wonderful therapists and a variety of programs.

Say no.

This is probably the most helpful self-care action you can take. Also the hardest to do. When I was working on the fundraiser, I didn’t say no at first. My type A personality (really, I’m type B) took over, and I wanted to be involved in everything. Soon I became burned out. After more therapy and self-care, I realized that I had to step back and say no. As soon as I did that, I felt way better. I was still involved in every aspect of the fundraiser, which probably annoyed the committee, but I delegated, communicated better and said no when I needed to.

The link to this article will be below if anyone wants to read through it.

#mental health #tips for mental health #mental health is important #don’t overwork yourself #take care of your health and yourself #feel free to reblog/share if you’d like

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murderbot-moodboard · 2 months ago

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Personal trauma recovery milestone post: So apparently struggling to complete paperwork, make and show up for appointments, and that type of thing can be tied back to trauma (at least according to therapist Glenn Patrick Doyle, whose blog has helped me a lot the past couple years). I have plenty of experience with this symptom. This year, once in April and again in August, I tried to complete a truckload of paperwork to apply for certain services/support I really need, and found myself unable to complete it both times.

Fast forward a few months, several sessions of EMDR, and lots of practice with implementing healthier coping strategies when my anxiety, depression, hard memories, and unhealthy patterns come up. And today, I finished *and* submitted a truckload of (different but similar) paperwork for services and support I really need. It took several days, and I got stressed enough that I could feel my body's inflammation increase (basically it feels like every joint in my body is slowly burning - so no biggie, lol). But I used healthy coping strategies and pacing, and in the end I completed everything without shutting down before I finished or crashing hard afterward.

Four months ago, I could not do that. And it not only serves as concrete proof that I've made progress, but it also proves that I can follow through on the commitment I've made to myself as part of the healing process: that I will do what it takes to make sure my needs are being met, and I will be a person who I can trust to come through for me, even when it's uncomfortable or takes work. (Sometimes - a lot of times - coming through for myself also looks like asking other people for help when I hit my limits. Talk about uncomfortable, haha.)

So, that's done, I didn't wreck myself in the process, and now I'm sort of basking in the accomplishment, so I figured I might as well commemorate the event with a post. Trauma recovery is hard work. Standing up after depression has pulled you down again is hard work. Recognizing when your anxiety is traveling a well-worn path and then talking back to it is way harder work than it should be. But the work is so, so worth the results.

#personal #not murderbot #trauma recovery #depression #anxiety #healing

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my-castles-crumbling · 25 days ago

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i think i might be neurodivergent?

okay so um today nothing was going right for me like i wasn't able to shower in the morning like i usually do so i was irritated and shit because i like, always do it in the mornings and i had a project to do but the formatting wasn't working and it was cold af and i was basically just irritated a lot and then my mom called me for lunch but i was trying to fix something so she called me a few times and that irritated both of us and my dad was well, he's the type to keep asking if i'm okay and if something happened when my mood seems off and while for some people that would be helpful it just pisses me off even more and he just kept smiling and joking and i find his jokes infuriating most of the time but when i'm mad it just frustrated me more and then i was distracted while eating, some food fell on my clothes so i went to wash it off and i had forgotten to refill my soap dispenser so i got even more annoyed because like what was i supposed to use and i basically snapped at my parents and i was just all around irritated and mad and then i had to sit in my room and calm myself down

it's not the first time this type of stuff happened. it's a frequent thing and um there are certain things i can't stand like when my nails accidentally scratch something rough i kinda just try to like get rid of that weird feeling in them by scratching other stuff and loud sounds are jarring (this was a new development which happened a couple of years ago) and there's like um food which i can't stand sometimes it's just because of the colour but a lot of times it's because of the texture as well. i remember a couple of months ago i was on an international flight and they gave us food like it was my country's but like it was all the stuff i didn't like and i hated it and stuff fell and i felt like crying out of sheer frustration at the situation because my mom kept insisting on it and there was just too much for the table thing and it was just overwhelming af. i've kinda suspected since then that i might be neurodivergent but i can't really get an official diagnosis because while my parents care more about mental health than like, most people in our country, they're still going to think that i'm connecting stuff which aren't related and i can't get a diagnosis from school or anything either because there's like a huge lack of privacy and it would get back to my parents also i don't really want it on my record and idk if they'll put it or not. um other stuff which people have pointed out is that a lot of times my right leg doesn't stay still like it's shaking especially when i'm nervous but that's normal and i also have problems studying without music and sitting at a table while studying (i have no idea if any of this is even relevant but apparently at least according to my parents i'm the only person they know who actually finds it helpful and therefore i'm doing it wrong) and i hyperfixate a lot and i get distracted very easily. i find pressure very soothing like um i've shd a few times like just scratching and sometimes even absentmindedly i kinda just apply pressure on it either with my fingertip or my nail and it weirdly kinda calms me and this isn't even when i'm stressed or anything.

i took an online autism test which isn't an official diagnosis i know and self diagnosis doesn't count either but i don't really have other options and i just need to sort of be able to explain all of this to myself at least

Hi <3

First of all, self-diagnosis can count...it's complicated because like...obviously there are people who self-diagnose EVERYTHING and that's frustrating. But there are also people who only have self diagnosis and that's valid.

Do you have a supportive adult you can talk to about this? Like a teacher, doctor, therapist? They might be able to help you start in the right direction of being evaluated, you know?

#asks #ask #ask cas

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sillywabbits · 4 months ago

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👉👈 ...does anyone else kinda wish Tumblr had an option that allowed you to hide the Note count on posts? Like, just a completely optional thing each user can toggle on/off according to their comfort/preference. Kinda like how insta gives you the option to view the number of likes, or just hide the number completely.

Lil' RSD vent/feeling share below. No pressure to read. Just been meaning to put my feelings down somewhere;

It's just.. for me personally, my mean RSD ridden brain overthinks when I see numbers.. constantly putting me in a state of comparing myself.. or question the appeal of my work.. or making me feel like my value as an artist is measured by that count. And maybe it partly ties into my own weird insecure, self worth feelings. But mostly just.. it makes me get caught in my brain about if my art is even likable or decent enough to be appealing? Or annoying for people to look at? Or.. if the kind of stuff I make isn't a lot of people's cup of tea? I draw nothing but fluffy mush. My brain makes me anxious and insecure if that's boring or.. not interesting enough for others to like. I don't really dabble in angst or what my brain has deemed the, "cooler content."

I know rationally I nor anyone can draw to appease everyone. As I would tell anyone else feeling these types of things, someone out there will enjoy what you do. (And I've met some super kind of people who have said immensely sweet and endearing things about my stuff. And I thank you endlessly for it! /gen 💞)

And ultimately you should just draw what makes you happy to make yourself happy. Draw for yourself first and foremost.

..but

I wish my brain wouldn't emotionally rely on engagement from others for motivation to make art. I wish drawing things that make me happy, and the joy of making it in general was enough to motivate me better.

I don't think this is helped by how slowwww my art process is, and how my undiagnosed ADHD really makes it hard for me to will myself to draw as often as I'd like. My muse comes in spurts, one drawing/sketch can take me days to finish. And after all the energy and time it took, I think maybe I emotionally take things harder and am susceptible to getting disheartened/sensitive when my brain locks in on that number count. Making it a little harder to muster up more desire and energy to wanna draw again.

Sometimes thoughts of, 'when there are so many people that make the things you like to make, and it already exists and they're so cool, good and special for it.. why should you bother trying?'

And as a disclaimer, these are just anxiety-ridden thoughts! I don't think I fully 100% actually believe them!

They're just the thoughts my brain likes to bring to the forefront sometimes. When I'm experiencing RSD or feeling insecure/anxious. (I think these feelings can feel bigger maybe due to how my neurodivergency can affect me too.)

And god is it such a double standard. If any fellow person were sharing similar types of thoughts/feelings, I would have 101 ways to rebuttal and assure those mean thoughts of theirs away.

..but it's so hard to apply to same exact advice/care toward yourself. It's harder when it's you on the inside. You brain has made you feel like you're the exception. Like you don't deserve that same assurance for some reason. (Not saying this is true; just.. how my mean brain likes to talk at me fjdk /hj)

Again, I want to emphasize these aren't rational thoughts. They're just the feelings that get welled up inside me when I feel insecure. (It's one of many talking points I'd love the opportunity to bring up when I'm fortunate enough to get myself a therapist lol <3)

💕~Thank you dearly to anyone who was curious and felt they were in a place to read all this. They're just feelings that have been burrowed inside me I haven't really put out there yet. I know this community is super sweet and supportive, which is why I love being here. But I couldn't help feel a bit shy about sharing this stuff.

#sillyspiels #vent #dca community #just sharing some personal feels idk fjfjfjf 👉👈#neurodivergent #neurodivergency #rsd

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wokedogschenkopf · 2 months ago

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Warning: generalization of a website and social forum that has millions of users with differing thoughts and opinions as well as vastly different communities

Reddit has a reputation for being a helpful website when you have a question that google refuses to properly answer because of bloated search results that are filled with gibberish and filler, but I cannot stress how much you should never actually look to Reddit for advice outside of like tech tips. Because the people on there are some of the most insane people I have ever seen, despite their reputation for being the “normie” website, they’re all out of their minds in the “the more normal the more weird you are” way.

I was going through a really rough patch in my life, feeling completely lost and aimless and even though I had appointments set up with a physician and a psychiatrist and a therapist and all that, I still had to wait for those appointments to come and the wait itself was driving me crazy. So I decided to go on Reddit just to see if anyone had any problems similar to mine and what they did (mistake number 1). What you quickly find out is that people who are actually happy and have solved their problems are not posting advice on Reddit. What you also find out is that they have gaslit themselves into thinking that they have achieved happiness and peace by acting like no real human being does.

Example 1: Trying to stave off depression. I was still in denial that I was experiencing clinical depression that would not be cured by exercise and vitamins that needed medical intervention, despite knowing deep down that’s what it was, and so I would end up on subreddits like r/productivity because my goal was “how do I enjoy things again/How do I force myself to do things.” The most common answer people gave out for finding purpose in a boring and lonely life is hobbies. Which on its own, ignoring any and all other possible disclaimers and caveats, is fairly true, anyone without hobbies is probably bound to end up feeling at least a bit aimless. But then comes the question: what hobbies should I have? What should I do? And this is where people started to unravel a bit. Because then that’s when people start categorizing “acceptable” hobbies vs “wasteful” hobbies, acceptable hobbies being ones that they see as maximizing all your possible stats and performance and wasteful hobbies being ones that contribute nothing and are just time sinks. To no one’s surprise, “acceptable” hobbies were basically all sports or physical exercise, sometimes maybe something like gardening, while wasteful hobbies where watching movies or tv shows, playing video games, reading books (unless you were reading epic sigma grind set books that are all named something like Unfuck Yourself), drawing, etc. I do physical activities like hiking and walking and what not because I know it’s good for me in the long run, and I do like looking at nature, but I wouldn’t consider it my hobby. And to sideline my actual hobbies (video games, drawing, etc) for hiking all the time I would probably be miserable. But according to the Reddit secret anti depression formula this is what I should be doing.

Which leads to Point 2: Diet. Obviously diet comes up a lot in these discussions, it undeniably can have an affect on your mood and emotional aspects as much as it can have an effect on your physical body. The problem is that all of these people have basically given themselves eating disorders trying to minmax the perfect diet to make them Mentally Sound. I’m sure I don’t really need to write it out in detail and you can imagine the kind of things they write about how if you enjoy any sugar ever you’re a dopamine addict and you’re ruining your life.

Then point 3: Mental wellness journaling/meditation. Where a lot of these people swear by the fact that journaling and meditation saved them. I’m not going to argue that they’re useless, I journal sometimes and it can help, but then you read in between the lines and find out these people spend hours of their day meditating or journaling and don’t seem to actually make any progress. As if just the act of doing it has convinced them that they’re doing the “correct” thing and they don’t need to do anything else, and that they can afford to spend half their day doing this. Which if you can and genuinely want to, be my guest, but personally the thought of having to sit in silence with myself for hours just to get through the day is not something I want for my life. At all. And would probably make me more miserable.

Which leads me to the final point of all this. Combining the obsession over the correct hobbies that fulfill you with the most enlightenment, the perfect diet that will give you the perfect body and brain, and over obsession with proper mental wellness loops back around and creates uniquely miserable people who are so obsessed with finding the life hack or formula to happiness and success that they just end up dragging themselves back down. I realized multiple times that it would probably just be easier and make me happier to eat candy sometimes than stress about how any amount of excess sugar could give me depression, and that I would be less stressed just sitting down to watch TV sometimes than worrying about how I could spend that time maximizing my time and happiness by picking the best and most productive hobby. Sure eating nothing but sugar all day and never watching anything other than reality TV is bad for you, but so is everything in excess. It kind of defeats the point of living if you don’t let yourself enjoy anything because of made up metrics. Also, every person is completely different and unique and nothing that makes one person happy will make the other person happy. There are baselines sure, like seeing the sun is good for you, but you can never truly pinpoint every single trick and hack to leading a fulfilling life because it depends on who you are. This is also why it’s impossible to cover every possible disclaimer and caveat in this post, because I would have to account for the unique circumstances of billions of people.

I don’t really know how to end this post so I’ll bring up how I saw someone on a quitting weed subreddit say you should do ketamine instead of weed and that’s healthier for you. Remember that people love lying online. Also a subreddit I found about how the internet regardless of what website or use is innately evil and causes mental health problems in everyone no matter what and so everyone should be quitting it, despite the fact that everyone on there was posting from the internet on a website.

#misc #long post

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