#accessibility in media is absolute shit right now

[mannequinswithkillappeal]

op disabled reblogs but this is about assad in hotel portofino and I have never been more furious at my ears for not working properly

what do you mean he whines?? and I'll never get to hear it? UNACCEPTABLE

[star-anise]

Disclaimer: I like Anita Sarkeesian.

But also, I just saw a writeup of a Youtuber whose content has come a long way from his Gamergate days, and to explain that, the wiki says, "Anita Sarkeesian is a radical feminist who created a webseries about sexist tropes in video games"

AHAHAHAHAHA ANITA SARKEESIAN, RADICAL FEMINIST

HOO HEE EXCUSE ME THAT'S A GOOD ONE

Radical feminist. Feminist extremist. Anita Sarkeesian.

Anita Sarkeesian did her Master's Thesis in Social and Political Thought in 2010 on the trope of the "Strong Woman" in fantasy and science fiction TV shows, and produced Tropes vs Women, a series of online videos breaking down her work in a way that was accessible to a lay audience. She found a ready audience in geek feminist circles, since this was exactly the kind of thing we wanted and needed right then.

Tropes vs Women was extremely bog-standard cultural critique, what you'd find expressed in discussion between scholars of literary theory or media analysis anywhere, and exactly what 99% of feminists were saying at the time. It certainly talked about patriarchy as the complex system of sexism fused into our cultural matrix, so it's not like it wasn't radical feminism from that viewpoint, but it wasn't "radical" by way of being especially militant. Sarkeesian frequently pointed out how individual occurrences of a trope weren't harmful in themselves, but that a media landscape completely saturated with only that trope and nothing but that trope is, in the aggregate, a big feminist issue.

And the internet

HAAAAAAAATED

her for it.

Like, geek feminists got flak a lot anyway, especially when we wanted things like properly enforced policies against sexual harassment at science fiction conventions. And yeah, there totally were toxic keyboard warriors who said stuff about all men being scum - but Sarkeesian wasn't one of them.

It's probably because of her succinct, matter-of-fact, "this is not a debated issue, feminists have decades of theory and research to back this point up, sources abound if you google for thirty seconds so I won't stop to baby you through all the fundamental concepts" approach that she got such a big reach. She was calm, concise, coherent, and rational, everything feminists are told we need to be.

Unfortunately that just made her seem... attackable, I think. A good target, not actually scary or impassioned, unlikely to respond to violence with violence. The perfect kind of person to play five seconds of, and then spend the next five minutes yelling into your mic because IF ANITA IS RIGHT ABOUT VIDEO GAME SEXIST YOU MIGHT AS WELL SAY THAT EVERYTHING IS SEXIST AND SEXISM IS SYSTEMIC AND ENDEMIC TO ALL OF WESTERN CULTURE AND OTHER CULTURES TOO, WHICH IS CLEARLY RIDICULOUS, ANITA LADY BAD.

She literally spent five solid years as Enemy #1 in online geek spaces. It was completely insane. I am so sorry she had to take the brunt of it, and yet grateful that she did. She held the line and took the shit and kept doing good decent feminist work for years after, though she did admit to burnout and closed up shop on her nonprofit org Feminist Frequency in 2023. I hope to hell she's having a good day.

But even now, more than a decade later, dudes talk about her as though she were Geek Feminist Godzilla, the biggest baddest woman in the universe, off to lay waste to downtown Video Games and cut everybody's balls off.

When people (mostly dudes, but not all) talk like this, it's just very funny and unintentionally revealing because of the absolute averageness of her third-wave, trans-inclusive, western-centric, intersectional feminism. It makes them look absolutely pathetic.

Because it just makes it clear that she is probably the first and last self-described feminist the speaker has ever paid attention to.

[mywritersmind]

TELL ME IF YOU HATE ME - KA12

summary : kimi has a crush and a shit way of dealing with it, you think he hates you.

listen up : not proof read lolz! requests are open!!

word count : 1683

⋆｡‧˚⋆

The cars zoom past me as I press my finger down and a series of clicks sounds from my camera. I smile, holding my camera up and making sure I got the shot I wanted.

I did.

I see a flash of red by the garage which makes me breathe out, Ollie just crashed and I know it freaked him out. I put my eye to my camera again, zooming in so I can see if he’s okay.

He is.

I snap some far photos of the garages, passing Ferrari, then McLaren, and right as I'm about to skip over Mercedes, something catches my eye.

Lewis isn’t the one who gets out of his car, but a smaller boy with a mess of brown curls. He claps one of the pit crew members on the back and smiles. As he turns to face the track, I get a full view of his face.

Kimi Antonelli.

I had forgotten about the boy who’s driving with Mercedes next year. Ollie was talking my ear off about it last week but still… I guess I was so focused on shooting the cars that I didn’t realize who was in it.

I snap a photo of him, the light hitting his face perfectly as he takes a deep breath.

I’ve never met him, but I was forced to follow Prema by Ollie so I know he fits into Ollie’s odd life perfectly.

I walk back into the ferrari garage, smiling at my boss who takes my camera from me. I’m doing an internship, specifically with Ferrari's media team. Once they found out I like photography, they let me have a camera and media access.

I smile at Ollie who shoots me a thumbs up, letting me know he’s okay. I end up eating alone while scrolling on my phone, some people walk past but because free practice 2 is happened, most people are watching.

I take a bite of my salad and scroll once more. I get a weird feeling after my third bite, and when I look up, it’s the last thing I expect.

Kimis there.

He’s still in his race suit, his hair messy and a water bottle in his hand. His eyes get big when I turn to him. I’m about to raise my hand to wave but he spins around and bolts in the other direction.

I laugh out loud but when I look around, no one’s there to have seen it.

That was… weird.

⋆༺

“Hey, Y/n!” Ollie yells to me across the paddock, he’s standing with Kimi and Jack Doohan. I smile and wave, saying goodbye to who I was speaking with, and flipping my hair over my shoulder before making my way over to them.

“Hey! Happy Quali day!” I smile at them, especially Jack because I haven’t seen him all weekend.

“What are you up to today?” The australian asks me, his hands in his pockets.

“Taking pictures mostly, trying to get a bad one of Charles, and watching Quali. How about you guys?” I turn pointedly towards Ollie and Kimi but the Italian has his eyes pointed elsewhere and his mouth shut.

“Kimi and I.” Ollie grips Kimis shoulder and practically forces him to look at me, he smiles softly but looks back at Ollie as he talks, “are doing the same! Minus the photos and stuff. Wanna grab lunch with us later?”

I nod, pulling out my phone as I get a call, “Shit, i’m so late! See you guys later!”

⋆༺

Quali is fun and the Mexican fans are absolutely exhilarating. After getting caught up with photos, I finally met Ollie and Kimi in the Ferrari hospitality.

Except there’s no Kimi.

I raise a brow as we sit down, “Does Kimi not like me?”

Ollie moves his food around, “Uh… I don’t think so. Why?”

I shrug, “I just get the feeling he doesn’t really enjoy my company. Which hasn’t been much around him.”

Ollie frowns, “No! He just had to shoot something for Mercedes. He wanted to come.”

⋆༺

You know those times where you wish you could go back in time just five seconds? That’s how I feel right now.

“No!” I yell as Kimi turns the corner with four coffees in his hands and runs directly into me. “Fuck!” I back away from him, shaking off my hands instantly.

“Ah!” He does the same, looking up at me slowly, “I am so sorry…” This is the first time he speaks to me? Seriously!?

I take a breath, trying to gain control of my mind that’s screaming. I peel off my sweater, luckily my shirt underneath is untouched.

“I- Shit.” I groan and wipe my arms off with my sweater, “What are you, an errand boy!? I thought I was the one with an internship.” He laughs at this, then slaps his hand over his mouth.

“I’m genuinely so sorry.” He shakes his head, everything on me now smelling like coffee. I look at his shirt which is partly splashed.

“It’s not fine but It wasn’t on purpose.” I shrug, just staring down at the coffee cups.

“I’m such an idiot.” He groans, “Look, I’ll buy you a coffee to make it up to you.”

I smile slightly, crossing my arms, “Coffee in Ferrari hospitality is free. I’m assuming it’s the same for Mercedes.” He shakes his head, looking horrified.

“That shit is gross. I know a place.”

The ‘Place’ in question is in the general admission area. He pulls on my ferrari hat for extra security and grabs our coffees quickly.

“I actually can’t believe you’re wearing red.” We walk the back way, laughing. Maybe he doesn’t hate me? Or maybe he does and the coffee was all apart of some scheme.

He side eyes me, “Neither can I.” He pulls it off of his head, “Toto would kill me.”

Ollie finds us the second we step foot in the paddock, “Hey! Don’t tell me you became friends without me! Do not forget that I started this!”

“Yeah ok, Ol- I’ll give you friendship creds.” I pat his shoulder as he frowns.

⋆༺

It’s dark by the time I head out of the paddock, yawning, I notice Kimi on his phone. “Hey!” I say, smiling as he looks up at me.

Except his face does that weird thing again.

His cheeks go red and he looks like he’s forcing a smile. “Hi.” He says softly.

“Good day?” He nods, looking back at his phone and clearing his throat.

“Yeah.” He keeps it quick before walking away, “Bye.”

“Bye…?” Okay. So I don’t think I'm going crazy now because that was one weird ass conversation. If you can even call it that.

⋆༺

I wake up on race day and do my morning ritual, scrolling on instagram. I don’t go through all of my notifications often, but today something caught my eye.

Liked by Kimi Antonelli

The post is laughable, it’s from two years ago, Ollie and I were celebrating our birthdays since they fall on the same day.

Weird, Again.

I get ready and head out even though that stupid like is on my mind the whole time.

As if the universe is sending a message, I walk into the paddock at the same time as Kimi. He’s talking to his team member in fast italian and I ignore the fact that it’s 100% hot and focus on the fact that he 100% ignored me!

I call Ollie immediately, “Your friend hates me.”

I hear him laugh on the other side of the phone, “Kimi?”

“See! You already know who I'm talking about!” I groan as I enter Ferrari hospitality.

“Y/n. I think you just make him nervous.”

I stop dead in my tracks, “What?”

“Look, I absolutely love you. But you have a total resting bitch face!” I scoff at him even though I know it’s true, “He sees you taking photos a lot and even though I try to get him to talk to you, he’s like scared or some shit. I think he thinks you’re pretty too.”

I hang up.

⋆༺

I watch from the garage, spirits are high but I find myself distracted as Kimis face comes up on the screen.

Why is he so cute?

I bite my lip and think. I want him to like me. I want him to be friends with me like how he is with Ollie! So why can’t he see that? I mean, there’s a possibility he just doesn’t like me.

In that case, that’s fine! I just want to know.

My thoughts are how I find myself cornering him with my arms crossed and my actual bitch face on.

“Um… yes?” He looks scared.

“Do you not like me, or something?” He frowns, “I mean- If you don’t, that’s fine! But I don’t fuck with people who aren’t honest. Because I know i’m not completely likable to everyone and genuinely I don’t care if you don’t like me but I sorta hope you do because Ollie is my friend and Ollie is your friend and he wants us to be friends!” I take a breath.

Kimi just blinks, “I do like you.”

I roll my eyes.

“I just… felt embarrassed.” I raise a brow. Embarrassed? “I dumped coffee on you! And then I liked that post which had Ollie telling me to stop screaming into my pillow.” I laugh at that. “I just… I'm not good with pretty girls.”

That has me frozen.

“And you’re like scary pretty.”

I laugh, smiling, “You’re totally boosting my ego right now.” He just called me pretty.

He rolls his eyes, standing up straighter, “I’m sorry for being awkward.”

I sigh dramatically, “It’s fine.” I flip my hair over my shoulder, smirking, “My good looks just stuns people sometimes-”

He pushes my shoulder, “Oh fuck off!” I laugh with him, his cheeks red again, “Can I make it up to you?”

I bite my lip, hiding my smile, “Pick me up at 8.”

[ohnococo]

Pining Hiromi Higuruma HCs

(Hiromi Higuruma, pining away for you, his coworker. Except he's kind of a pervert about it.)

Hiromi Higuruma who always listens to your professional opinion, and makes sure to credit you to coworkers and higher ups.

Hiromi Higuruma who becomes your lunchtime venting buddy early on. Sometimes you’ll catch each other's eyes and he’ll give you that look that lets you know he has some shit he needs to say RIGHT now so it’s time to take a break.

Hiromi Higuruma who is happy to help you out off the clock because at least you give him something to look forward to during his stressful days. He really does want to support you in your career growth (among other things).

Hiromi Higuruma who takes turns with you buying each other lunch, then dinner when you have to order takeout for overtime. He knows your go-to order from every place that delivers to your office.

Hiromi Higuruma who looks ten times more stressed when you get back from any time off. His jokes get increasingly more serious about how you “can’t just leave me on my own like that” even when you aren’t working on the same things so your presence makes no difference. Except it does. To him. He feels like his head is going to explode from dealing with work all day without those little moments of relief from being around you.

Hiromi Higuruma who glares at anyone making jokes about him being your “work husband” because it’s unprofessional and “two people can just get along without there being something to it.”

Hiromi Higuruma who knows there absolutely is something to it because he’s so, so bad at not thinking indecent things about you all day long. He doesn’t even know if you’re flirting with him or if it's all in his head. What he does know is he can't bring himself to show restraint over how much time he spends with you in the office.

NSFW/18+ ONLY UNDER THE CUT

Hiromi Higuruma who, when you eventually bring up adding him on social media, takes weeks to add you back because he knows he can’t be trusted with access to a collection of pictures of you. He was already battling guilt over jerking off to the picture of you on your LinkedIn. It was so posed and styled that it barely looked like your day to day self but it was all he had outside of his imagination for months.

Hiromi Higuruma who feels like a disgusting fucking pervert when he makes a whole folder of saved pics that make his dick twitch after clicking through every single picture. Innocuous things like a photo of you sitting down, looking up at whoever was taking it with a twinkle in your eye - ammo enough for him to picture you looking like that on your knees in front of him. God help him if he finds a picture of you in a swimsuit, or anything more revealing than your work attire. He knows it's scumbag behaviour, and he knows it's risky having them on his phone because he'd look like a crazy person if someone ever saw him with a hidden collection of seemingly innocent pictures of you, but after months and months of pining he sometimes finds he has to lock himself in the bathrooms at work to stroke his cock looking at them. Especially if you've shown up wearing those heels.

Hiromi Higuruma who so helpfully accepts your request to house sit for you when you’re going to be gone for a week. All he needs to do is pop in to water some plants, maybe feed a cat or some fish, just generally check everything was in order. He knows from the second you leave your key with him that he will be an absolute freak about it too. The first time he goes over he finds himself looking in your dirty clothes hamper, heartbroken to find it empty. He doesn’t even finish the actual job he’d come there to do because he feels that fucking guilty for being a creep.

Hiromi Higuruma who, a day later, comes back, waters your plants, and settles for stealing a pair of clean panties to spend the rest of the week jerking off into. He’ll return them washed, right back where he’d found them, the day before you come home. And he'll miss them just as much as he hates himself for doing any of it in the first place.

Hiromi Higuruma who makes you second guess if he really liked you as much as you thought when he starts asking when you’re going on vacation next. It’s not that he doesn’t miss you while you’re gone… it’s that he can’t stop kicking himself for not rifling through your drawers to see what sex toys you use on yourself. 

Dating Co-Worker Hiromi Higuruma HCs

[being-addie]

Healthy habits I'm developing for 2023

It's already April and I'm still in that rut of sleeping at 2am, buying a quick fix of candy at the store when I have fruit at home, eating too many carbs and skipping the gym. Now, I'm getting my shit together.

It's easy to disguise bad habits with excuses. "Oh, I have exams coming up". "Work's been really draining lately". But if you don't change now, you'll be stuck in that same loop for the rest of your life.

Prioritising health:

Sleeping 7-8 hours every night: To end my absolutely atrocious amount of screen time, I've decided to delete all those distracting apps on my phone. It's hard, but worth it. Now I won't be tempted to scroll on Instagram when I should be sleeping.

Making healthy food choices: Choosing homemade granola over chocolate bars, banana bread over Nutella sandwiches, and homemade nachos over packaged chips makes a huge difference.

Working out: l go to the gym daily, but lately, I've been lazy and slacking off. So I want to start going again along with squeezing in a run in the evening. Finishing at least 8k steps every day. Moving my body in some way, whether it's dance or yoga.

Water: I have a bad habit of forgetting to drink water, even when it's right in front of me. So I've downloaded some water reminders to help me remember to drink. I've also decided to incorporate lemon honey iced tea into my diet because I'm a fiend for it.

Working smart:

Creating a to-do list: Committing to knocking off at least three things on a to-do list and gradually increasing the number of tasks.

Keeping devices away: I've started keeping my phone in my mom's room while I work, or I lock it in my cupboard so I won't get distracted, and I use extensions like WasteNoTime and StayFocusd to block unnecessary websites.

Dividing time: Making a schedule for my day, so I can divide school studies, sketching practice and homework. It is so important to block out parts of the day for morning and night routines and self-care.

Cleansing my life:

A clean workspace: Clean up my desk every day, so I can sit in an uncluttered space, and keep my racing mind calm.

Making my bed: Focusing on making sure my bed is clean first thing in the morning, so I have a place that's clean and warm after a long day.

Deleting social media: It was difficult, but I did it. Fighting the temptation to log in again is real, but I'm slowly coming to realise I don't care what people are posting on their stories, and the FOMO is slowly fading.

Toxic people: Getting rid of toxic friends, and deleting numbers and chats of people are who no longer important in my life. Having access to me is a privilege.

Self-care: Every Sunday, I'm setting aside a few hours for myself. During that time, I'll be having a long shower, deep conditioning my hair, using a scrub and exfoliator, shaving, moisturizing, and eating something nice. I'll be baking something for the rest of the week so I won't resort to junk food for dessert or snacks.

Understanding and knowing what you want in life is the first step to beginning your journey. Don't let others make you feel guilty for putting yourself first. It's your life, and ultimately, it's only you who can change it.

<3

[zyonsay]

Js came back from a mental health break to see ZYON REQS OPEN !!! How about a Loscar x male reader smut? I don't know if you write for Logan Sargeant since you don't have him in your list so— 😭 if not you can change the driver to Lando I don't mind, but the three of them are drunk and playing drunk truth or dare and things take a turn - 🔥

I dare you LN4&OP81

Fem aligned people may read but not f3tishize my work!!

Summary: A game of truth or dare between you, Lando and Oscar takes a turn...

Reader: Male

Warnings: Suggestive, NSFW, Dude-bro language, Horsegirl-ified reader because i said so

Now playing: 'Runway Walk' by Demrick

AN: Hey there! i FINALLY finished this and icl, not my best work. BUT i hope y'all can still enjoy this!

Loud chants echoed through the dimly lit bar. Your team members had picked you up and were now parading you around. The bar only had limited access to your equipe of elite show riders, a few close associates along with other familiar faces. Apparently, it was your lucky day, because your best friend finally had time to celebrate one of your many wins with you. Lando and yourself had been friends since diaper times and stuck together ever since. Even though you both were inseparable, your careers were demanding and didn’t offer you much time to hang out. He was now a rising F1 star, and you fought your way into prestigious show arenas, your schedules were now filled with training, media appointments and various other events. But, whenever you did find time to catch up, you always had a good time together. Not so recently he had introduced you to his teammate, and “friend”, Oscar. He’s a sweet guy, his smile felt like a little piece of sunshine and the swoop in his hair reminded you of gentle waves in the ocean. The chemistry between Lando and Oscar was kind of obvious, but you didn’t want to assume anything. That was until Lando had drunkenly admitted to his situationship.

The loud music boomed trough the doors as you stumbled out into the cold night air. Coordinating your wobbly legs while giggling uncontrollably was difficult. Very difficult. Lando had noticed your struggles and wrapped an arm around your waist while dragging you to the nearest bench. Maybe if you were sat, you wouldn’t fall on your face. A soft breeze blew trough the city and a slight shiver ran down your spine. It wasn’t actually cold, just refreshing enough. Lando had also sat down by now and leaned his head back while closing his eyes. Your gaze flickered to him, the street lanterns painted the contours of his face in orange hues. Maybe it was the alcohol or maybe it was the poetic mood you’ve found yourself in, but now felt like the right time to tell him how you feel. You’ve always loved him, but you were also scared of telling him, or anyone for that matter. Besides. You two had very busy lives and barely got to see each other, so how would a relationship work out? But now wasn’t the time to worry about that. Not when he was looking so beautiful. How do you say this? How do you confess your feelings without sounding like an absolute idiot. Gathering all your courage, your lips parted, and the first word was ready to leave them. “Y/n. I gotta tell you something.”, his eyes were still closed, and his head was still leant back. A frustrated sigh fell from his figure, and he shifted his seat. Now he was looking at you, God, those beautiful eyes. They were so sincere and looked like a fresh margarita at the beach. “I- “, his gaze avoided your own for a second before his eyes darted up to yours again. “I think I might be into men. Like in a gay way.” That was the most bro-dude way to say that, but it sure suits him. A small smile crept onto your face. “Thanks for trusting me.”, you grabbed his hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze. Coming out to anyone is difficult, especially when you can’t predict how they’ll react. This was worth a lot to you.

“…and I sort of have a thing going right now,” Shit. SHIT. What? If it is some random dude, you swore to yourself that- “with Oscar.” Your brain must’ve short circuited right then and there. Your expression must’ve given your shock away, because Lando looked really worried all of a sudden. “…you okay mate?”, his eyebrows knit together in confusion. Quickly, you need to react, otherwise he’ll think you’re a weirdo. “Yeah, totally.”, you gulped, “I just didn’t expect you to start something with your teammate.” Absently, he scratched his arm. “Yeah, i gotta be careful. You know, with PR and stuff.”

Obviously, Oscar is also attending the afterparty. As much as you wanted to dislike him for getting together with your crush, he was so nice that you’d feel like an asshole. As sour as the taste in your mouth was, you were happy for them. They seem to fit together really well, and you couldn’t be mad because your best friend’s relationship is working out, that’s just rude. Nevertheless, the little touches they shared filled you with jealousy. Suddenly, you felt a hand on your shoulder. “Just so you know, I have your favorite white with me. In case you wanna celebrate some more later.”, you could basically hear the smug smile in Lando’s voice. Tempting. Maybe you weren’t feeling so sour after all.

Without much care, you left your shoes somewhere in the hallway, while leading Oscar and Lando towards the balcony. Usually when you were travelling around for competitons, you’d rent a hotel room, since there wasn’t really any point in staying longer than you had to. But for the finale of your season, you wanted to enjoy the beautiful city, before departing again. While your Horse was being flown back to your home country, you decided to rent a holiday home. It was relatively close to the coast, so you’d hear the lively waves when opening the windows. Your thoughts were cut short by the sound of shuffling cards. More specifically, a deck of UNO cards. Wait what. Why was he shuffling an UNO deck? Where did he even get that from?

“Nah dude, put that back down.” Lando slurred while lazily swatting Oscars hands away. Disgruntled, but indifferent enough, Oscar put the deck of cards back down. “Wild idea: lets revert back to seventh grade and play truth or dare.”, Lando’s face lit up at that. In his mind, he was already going trough all the evil dares he could make you guys do. “We’re literal adults.”, Oscar deadpanned. For a moment, it looked like Lando was thinking about something. “Well, let’s make things more interesting. Every time you pick truth or won’t do the dare, you take off one clothing piece.” He held up one finger, so it was clear that you wouldn’t be stripping completely naked in seconds. That’s an awfully odd request, but with the taste of wine still lingering on your tongue, you could care less. And so, it begun.

“Y/n, truth or dare?”, his intentions were pretty clear, but you wanted to toy with him for a little. “Dare.”, you took another sip of the fourth or fifth Bottle of white wine, that you three have been passing around like biscuits. “An easy one to start with, do a handstand.” Hah, that was a piece of cake. Scrambling off the rattan lounge, you readied yourself to do a handstand against the wall. A free-standing one might be a bit too confident in your current state. With a swift motion you hurled your legs into the air and banged them against the wall, while you did your best to not flop onto the floor. Considering how dizzy you were, you did a good job. “Impressive!”, Oscar giggled. There was nothing to laugh about, the bastard was up next. “Truth or Dare, Os?”, he was quick to answer. “Dare.” Bingo. As rarely as you and Lando got to catch up, he does talk about Oscar often. This man doesn’t even know hoe much you know about him. “I dare you to whistle.”, his smile faded. He was ninety percent sure you were aware of the elephant in the room. He sighed before pulling his shirt off. “I can’t whistle.”

Admittedly, this was much more fun than you initially thought it’d be. It must’ve already been something past midnight, but you guys were chatting away on the balcony. By now, your and Oscar’s shirts and socks had gone, while Lando was barely left in his briefs. “Truth or Dare?”, Lando intently looked at you. “Dare.” Now you’ve gotten yourself stuck in his trap. “I dare you to kiss me.”, now that made you stop in your tracks. “Dude, I’m not a homewrecker.” Oscar’s hickory eyes had a playful glint in them. “I’ll allow it.”, he leant against the backing of the lounge, readjusting his seat. Your heart pounded loudly in your chest. This is what you wanted for so long, but this feels taboo. Nevertheless, you leant forward and slid a hand behind your friend’s neck. Pulling him closer your lips met his and a contempt sigh left Lando. You felt Oscars eyes on you, they were burning holes into your skull. After all you were kissing his fling right now. The world seemed as if it was melting apart into a big mess of colors, but that all stopped when Lando gently pulled away. With slightly shaky hands, you settled back into a comfortable sitting position. “Oscar.”, he hummed, “Truth or dare?” He exaggeratedly tapped his finger against his chin. “Truth.” He now looked directly into your eyes. “Why didn’t you have a problem with me kissing Lando.”, his eyes widened at your question. For a moment he seemed to think for a good answer, but instead of speaking up, he glanced over at Lando. The brit loudly gulped, it sounded almost comical, before speaking up. “So, the thing is…” His, whatever Oscar was to him, tapped him on the knee, encouraging Lando to speak up. “I like you. Like in a gay way.” Dumbfounded, you shifted your gaze from Oscar to Lando and then back again at the pale Aussie. “And you’re ok with that?!”, you pointed your finger towards Oscar. “You see, we actually wanted you to... join our relationship.” His tone was unsure, and he kept searching Lando’s gaze.

Now you were officially flabbergasted. This must be a fever dream, right? There was no way this was real right now.

Obviously, it was, because now you were sat here with Lando kissing down your neck and Oscar pressed up behind you, squeezing your thighs, hips and waist. You leant your head backwards against Oscar’s shoulder, whining quietly. You whispered sharply, “I dare you to take those damn pants off.”, while fiddling with the buckle of his belt. Oscar chuckled lightly before slipping his pants off and propping himself up behind you again. Carefully, you reached behind you and felt his hard member in your hand. With gentle motions, you began palming him as best as possible. Lando smiled against your neck, his eyes darting up to meet Oscar’s gaze. His tanned hand tugged on your underwear before swiftly slipping underneath it. You gasped at the tight feeling of his hand around your dick. Slowly but surely, he started pumping up and down, meanwhile he continued his artwork of hickeys along your neck and chest bone. Not wanting to neglect his hard cock, you wrapped your hand around it and pressed your thumb over the tip. He exhaled sharply. Oscar leaned in close to your ear. “You wanna suck them?” Stuck in an endless loop of pleasure and torture, you could only whine as a pathetic attempt at an answer.

[muzzlespazm]

PLEASE HELP

EMERGENCY ART COMMISSIONS

hi guys

i really hate having to do this. i really hate having to beg for help. but i’m kinda at my wits end and there’s not much else i can currently do. i lost my job 4 (four) months ago due to medical issues (AKA they fired me because i was so chronically in pain that i could not consistently come to work in person and they refused to let me do work from home even though the job could absolutely be done entirely remotely). over the summer, i was busy trying to get the pain sorted, and though it still sometimes gets bad, by now it’s pretty much under control. i’m sending out job applications every day, attending interviews, etc., unfortunately the job market is really shit where i’m at right now and i haven’t been able to get a new job. i’m trying my fucking best but the money is running out, and i just paid the last phone bill i am able to afford. i do not have access to stable wifi, which i need to access the job applications as well as online interviews, so i have to pay horrid bills to do it with mobile data. i will not be able to afford these bills next month. i’m fortunate enough to have a place to stay for free, but i’m essentially too broke to commute anywhere, too broke for food purchases, and too broke to pay my bills. i need help. i don’t dare to ask for money in return for nothing, so i’m offering art commissions (they’re not super expensive at the base price, but it’s a “pay what you want” situation, - if you can and would like to give more than the base price, it would be IMMENSELY appreciated). i’ve linked my carrd to this post, you can find my commissions through my ko-fi, which is the first link in my carrd. there’s also an option to donate, just 5$, i cannot ask for more.

any and all help is appreciated, if you can’t afford to spend money on a luxury such as art, please reblog this post so it may reach those who can.

thank you.

https://muzzlespazm.carrd.co

[hourcat]

31 for piarles pls 💙

(continued.)

Pierre's heart is in his throat as he stands in the Ferrari garage, fingers twisted in the VIP access badge hanging around his neck. He's been to Abu Dhabi before--training in the offseason, vacations with his influencer friends, even one time when he was a scraggly teenager invited to the Formula One World Championship over a decade and a half ago--but he's never been here. In the garage of the championship-leading F1 car, eyes glued to the screen playing the race out on track: the last two laps of the final race, the championship leader in the lead.

Charles is going to do it. He's going to win it all. Pierre swallows thickly at the sudden emotion that rises in his throat. He is going to win it all. Ten months ago, when he was sitting a good arms-length apart from Charles Leclerc in Fred Vasseur's office, he never imagined the contract he signed would lead him--them--here.

"Go on," he hears from somewhere beside him, and turns to see Silvia standing next to him. She's got a look in her eyes that makes Pierre shiver, some deeper level of knowledge that apparently comes with being the point person for Ferrari's biggest success on the racetrack in over a decade.

"What do you mean," he tries, but he knows what she's saying. The commentary box is going crazy as Charles starts on the last lap. Barring something absolutely disastrous, this is going to be what wins his boyfriend the world championship title.

Fake boyfriend, his brain corrects, and Pierre staggers a little at the reminder. Once the season ends, they're done with all of this--they can coordinate the break-up with the PR firm working overtime back in Maranello, and it'll be one last big cash grab news cycle before Pierre gets back to his bike and his own team and the knowledge that they'll probably have a fucking shot at success next year. The end is in sight.

Pierre's stomach flips at the thought.

"You should be running to parc ferme right now, Gasly," she says with a roll of her eyes, "because your partner is about to become the world champion and he'll be a journalist magnet for at least the next 96 hours."

She...knows. Silvia knows their relationship is for the media, knows that it's all been made up from the very beginning. But the look on her face...

"Shit." The Ferrari garage isn't that far away from where he needs to be, thank god, but the race is speeding to a close and she's right, he needs to get a move on if he's going to congratulate Charles, even just to kiss him one last time before their elaborate ruse ends. "Shit. Shit." Pierre turns on a heel and starts in a full sprint, only noting absentmindedly that he can hear her laughter as he goes.

It doesn't matter, really. All that matters is Charles. All that matters is Pierre being there, cutting through the chaos and the champagne and the confetti to get to his fake boyfriend before the rest of the world grabs hold of him. It's the only thing he wants right now: more than a new bike, more than another contract, more than anything he thinks he's ever wanted.

He skids to a halt at the barrier after colliding with about half of the press members and team staffers alike trying to reach this point. For a fleeting moment, he considers hopping over it--and then remembers the last time someone tried to go up against the unbelievably tight security here at the track and thinks, faintly, he'd prefer to be in one piece when Charles finds him. So he just...waits. Heart in his throat, breath half-frozen in his lungs, Pierre stands at the parc ferme barrier and waits for the eruption of joy and the fireworks to start.

There are no screens here, he realizes belatedly: anything could happen. Anything could be happening right now, without his eyes on it, a whole race of possibilities suddenly jumping to life in his traitorous brain, and he's never even cared about Formula One in his life before but the thought of anyone but Charles winning tonight, taking the championship home, is so nauseating that he has to grab the metal fencing more tightly to stay upright.

But victory comes. There's a flurry of sound all at once, as the world lights up with the victory apparently decided, and it only takes a few moments of listening to know that he'd been foolish to worry. Chants of IL PREDESTINATO rise high in the air from the stands, from the crowd around them, and that could be no one else. Charles did it. Charles won. There are tears on Pierre's face before he even registers he's crying.

"My champion," he says out loud, and remembers the conversation they'd had a lifetime ago, back when they were getting to know one another better--how this was Charles' biggest dream so far. To become champion of the world, if for no other reason than to honor his family name. His father, his grandmother, his godfather. Their old childhood friend who never mentioned a thing about knowing Charles. All people Charles considered family, all people he drives for every single weekend--and he's done it. Fuck, he's done it.

The podium cars pull up to their respective spots and all hop out, enthused enough about the stage and the end of the season to jump on their teams. Pierre watches as the three of them come together to shake hands, then split apart to celebrate with their engineers wildly, and it's so breathtakingly emotional that he chokes on his own breaths, drawn in hastily as he watches Charles get clutched by their beloved ensemble of red. Ferrari is for him. Ferrari has always been for him, but tonight, right now, it's more apparent than ever. As he stumbles away from their arms, unsteady on his feet from delight, Pierre watches as he tears his helmet away and shoves it into the arms of--one of the engineers hanging over the barrier, smile and tears both plastered onto her face. She nods at him. Charles turns, then, and catches sight of Pierre, and--

It's instinct that has Pierre thrust his arms out to grab him tight, tighter than he's ever held anyone before, and press his face into Charles' neck. He's soaked in sweat, he's trembling from exhaustion and emotion and adrenaline, and yet Pierre can't imagine an embrace that feels better than this. He could hold this man here for hours and it would be enough.

Charles pulls back first, though: his eyes are shining, mouth wet and red and trembling, and Pierre can't even think to say congratulations before he surges forward to catch the Frenchman in a full-on kiss. It's messy and formless and they're in front of the world but Pierre can't think to care. He can't be bothered to. It's easy to kiss him back fervently, hungrily, tenderly, because it's real. It's real to him, even if it's not real to the team or to Charles. Tonight, as the clock strikes 10, Pierre realizes that it's been real for a very long time.

When they part for a breath, Charles leans his forehead against Pierre's tiredly. "You're here," he manages, and laughs some soft and barely-there laugh. "Pierre, you're here."

It's almost incredulous sounding. "Of course I'm here," he answers, uncaring about the way his voice breaks on the words. "I love you, where else would I be?" And--well, he certainly hadn't meant for that to come out, but it's not untrue. In fact, he realizes with muted awe, it's truer than he'd even imagined it could be before now. "I love you, Charles." Repeated again, because it's true, it's true, it's true--

"You're stealing my moment," Charles responds with a choked laugh, but he doesn't move away. The hand he'd tangled in Pierre's hair gets firmer, keeps them pressed together for another long moment. "God dammit Pierre. I love you too. Christ, I've loved you longer than I think I even--"

Pierre won't let him finish that thought. Another searing kiss does the talking for him.

(from the i love you prompt meme)

[3liza]

every single "but the poor YA authors" reply on the piracy post are genuinely convinced that "just go to the library" is a universal option for every person on earth, that every book or album or DVD is represented in every library collection, and that when an author's sales hit the shitter there's absolutely no explanation other than those awful pirates voraciously stealing their urban fantasy shifter novels. could it be that the book is bad and there's no other way to make people pay for it than to prevent them trying before they buy???

i live in a super liberal metropolitan area in the usa and my own city library is barely accessible, has enormous waiting lists for stuff that should just be piled on the shelf, rotten hours, bad transit access, and even though I do have a library card i just never use it because it will take me hours or days to find out they don't even have what i need in their extended loan collection. this happened enough times that i gave up

friend texted me this a few days ago, we live in the same city:

major work in the English canon that every library would presumably have adequate copies of, the type of book that libraries get too much of and have to sell or send to the pulper regularly right? maybe a librarian can confirm here. i don't think the YA writer people who say "just go to the library" actually read. i think they write fanfic and change the names so they can publish it on amazon, and probably read free copies of the same genre given to them by their writer acquaintances for the purpose of blurbing covers, but anyone who has actually reads extensively and broadly, who has had to depend on a library for their media provision, would know you can never "just go to a library" for everything either literally or metaphorically outside of maybe three cities in the world. libraries "having everything" is a liberal fantasy that i wish was true

edit: im not blaming the library for ANY of this. it is a funding issue and politicians do not give a shit about public services and have been systematically attacking libraries for decades. this is not the fault of libraries, librarians, or people who actually support libraries. i am in favor of giving libraries more money and support. all im saying is that the material reality right now is that libraries cannot replace piracy as a way of accessing media and claiming they can is just evidence that you dont actually care that much about media of any kind.

[taylortruther]

I worry a lot about how damaging the popular social media “living in tune with your hormones” trends could be. Like people living their whole life revolved around their period (because they’re usually selling you something, or claiming to possess hidden truths) it makes me feel crazy because I’m like….all power to people who have debilitating periods and I’m so sorry they experience that, but I think most of us menstruate without it totally derailing our lives, and I don’t want men to have reasons to believe that periods rule us. How do we balance people seeking medical help when they need it for hormone/period problems, and not acting like we are all powerless to the forces of our uteruses? Also many many of my friends have gone off of birth control because of what they see on social media. I now feel like they think I’m a bit stupid for buying into The System and still having my hormonal IUD.

i was just discussing this with a mutual but in the us, access to birth control (like the pill, but also including condoms in some states) was only made legal for single people in 1972... demonizing it, our hormones, and whatnot is absolutely not the way to go about improving access to reproductive health. i feel very scared about this tbh because this is part of a coordinated plan by evangelicals and republicans to make contraception and family planning methods like iuds, the pill, and more illegal. clarence thomas WANTS people to challenge griswold v connecticut, which is what gave married couples the right to contraception. conservatives are ACTIVELY, right now, gunning to get rid of accessibility to contraception and family planning in opposition to feminism and personal freedom. this shit is real! people on tiktok might think they're just "questioning" and "exercising their personal freedom" without understanding the larger picture. this isn't just some scary possibility, it is a goal that republicans have been working towards since the 70s.

[supersoftly]

When in search of old media, it's always been exemplified for me that emulators, piracy and the like are absolutely necessary for the future curation and preservation of digital media as art. It's so deceitful for businesses to not only misunderstand the purpose of such practices, but actively seek to quash it under the guise of property rights and monetary loss which has been proven time and time again to be a falsified claim. We have literal Jesus powers at our finger tips to copy, recreate and reproduce content without harming the original, and that's somehow been sold to everyone as thievery. And now begins a dark age where streaming services, something that was sold to everyone to make content updated, higher quality and more widely available, now believe they have the right to withhold said content even if it's at no monetary loss to them and refuse to relinquish the rights, probably on some pipe dream of a future remake in the works that nobody asked for.

It's so infuriating to me that for some older educational kids shows that never got the star treatment for DVD releases are basically lost to time unless somebody with a VHS recorder decided to actively record it at the time of its release AND digitize their collection to be available online. Even when I was in game design college, they had all the legal access to AAA games, but to get the really old stuff to teach students where games originated from? All free emulations provided by some rando online who decided to give a shit, that was the only way to access things like Adventure (1980) or Spacewar (1961). How much art are we losing because these philistine roadblocks continue to push the idea that only they, as the holy arbiters of great art, get the privilege to decide who gets access to what? I ain't falling for it and neither should you. Yohoho.

[swoodthis]

😤 For the Zelda ask game!

Bruh you’re really gonna get me started on this—

The teasing that there might be something more than “light good dark bad no thinking allowed” and then basically taking almost every single shred of it back

Like any fandom, the OBSESSION with shipping. There are so many opportunities for lore exploration, friendship and found family and outside of the fandom for the Linked Universe comic SPECIFICALLY, people just… DON’T.

GHIRAHIM IS A SWORD. WE SEE HIM NAKED AND HE HAS NO GENITALIA. At the very least take these things into account, people! Let him be a cool android!

In basically any fanworks he is featured in, the Happy Mask Salesman is practically REQUIRED to be a Bad Guy.

Tingle. Fucking TINGLE gets the devs’ love. And the little mask wizard doesn’t. They put Tingle in the Hyrule Warriors Majora’s Mask DLC. OVER HIM. ANY MENTION OF HIM.

The insistence that Link is dead in Majora’s Mask when TWILIGHT PRINCESS LINK IS CANONICALLY HIS BLOOD DESCENDANT AND THEY CONFIRMED IT—

Honestly the whole fanbase thinking Majora’s Mask is “the Depressing One”. This game is THEMED around overcoming adversity, healing from trauma, and making the world a better place, and THEY STILL FUCKING—

Good!Ganondorf fanworks being stereotyped as having to be thirst-based. Like Skyward Sword dropped the bombshell that Ganondorf being The Villain is something that was set up before he was even born and WW Ganondorf might have even been RIGHT and we’re just supposed to forget about it because the devs seemed to?? We’re just not gonna talk about how absolutely fucked up those implications are??

This series exists in the context of the rest of fantasy media, where Lord of the Rings and its blatant Christianity are still seen as The Best Thing Ever.

Wind Waker’s fucked up ending themes.

Sidon is just a sex object when HE IS SO WHOLESOME

Lack of access to many older games (a problem with gaming in general tbh)

Twilight Princess’s final boss should have been Zant.

The noobs only caring about shipping BotW Link with either Zelda or Sidon

THE MAJORA’S MASK MANGA’S ENDING. The foreshadowing that the MASK ITSELF was the true villain were there from the beginning, AND they did my lil wizard SO DIRTY

Speaking of which, Ben Drowned being dragged into shit…

OKAY I SHOULD PROBABLY STOP NOW

[cosmicretreat]

It is absolutely pathetic the number of people I’ve seen on social media in the last few days who are celebrating the right wing victory because they think they’ve been oppressed by “woke.” I remember when these same people thought they were victims of political correctness, too. Same shit, different name. It always just amounts to “I literally live in Nazi Germany because I can’t make a bigoted joke without getting pushback.”

A lot of these same people seem incapable of introspection, and now they’re seeing even more social consequences. I’ve seen so many stories shared every day about people who are disengaging from their parents or adult children, people who are no longer allowed to see their grandchildren, women who are divorcing their MAGA husbands, friends who are cutting off other friends. “I can’t believe my daughter won’t speak to me anymore over politics!”

But that’s the problem. It’s not just politics. It’s you claiming to love someone and then voting for people who will hurt them. Someone who has constantly talked about all of the hurt they will cause, all of the oppression they will oversee. You heard him and his proxies say things they will do, all of the racism and misogyny and homophobia and transphobia and ableism and Islamophobia and hate and didn’t think for a second about all the people you know whose lives will be made worse or even ended by his policies. You thought the price of eggs was too high.

No one is cutting you off because of a disagreement over districting lines or school funding or tax apportionment. It’s not politics. It’s your morals. It’s your sense of entitlement. It’s your selfishness and lack of empathy. We can disagree over pizza toppings and still be friends. Not over people’s rights.

If someone is cutting you off over this election, it’s because you voted for the party that told you culture war bullshit was more important than addressing climate change, access to healthcare, education, public services, the economy, energy independence, and frankly just being able to live with less fear. People were arguing over the right of some people to even exist. Some of those people are in your own family and you chose not to protect them. Of course they feel betrayed. They may have lost their future and you helped to take it away, and now you don’t understand why they never want to speak to you again?

Look on the bright side: at least you’ll be able to make dehumanizing jokes with no pushback to your empty house over the upcoming holidays.

Lucky you.

[laegolas]

right now one of my beloved fandoms has devolved into infighting and drama that we've seen time and time again over some truly meaningless shit. And I'm not blaming any one individual or ship - we collectively do not do enough to educate people about online boundaries.

so here is some unsolicited advice from a Fandom Elder in hopes of eventually jumping off this hamster wheel:

if you see something you do not like or agree with, simply do not engage. ignore it. block the poster if you have to. snide comments are not necessary. the more you engage with something on an algorithmically driven feed, the more it will be put in front of you. the findability heuristic does not care whether attention is positive or negative, it only knows that you clicked. I promise you will see less of the stuff you dislike when you stop saying you dislike it.

for the love of god please drop this idea of 'policing' fandom. this implies a social hierarchy within the community. fandom is not a singular entity, it is a collective. you can only ever control your own experience.

just because you personally dislike a character/ship/interpretation, doesn't mean its morally bad. you do not have to find a reason to dislike something. just accept it doesn't tick the boxes for you and move on.

do not assume in bad faith. more often than not, people misstep due to ignorance, not malice. the internet is full of people from different countries/ages/backgrounds/experiences/identities. you can provide a polite alternative perspective, but whether that is taken onboard is 100% to do with the poster's intentions/perspective, and not anything you can say. you will never change a stranger's mind about deeply held beliefs.

stop feeding the trolls. if you get messages/anons you do not agree with or are attacking you/your fandom/ship/etc you do not have to publish it. if you do, you're giving them precisely what they want: attention. also, these trolls are never the representation of the majority.

play in your own sandbox. do not make moral treatises on why your sandbox is better than someone else's sandbox. if you spend all your time worrying about what someone else is doing, you have no time left for your own sandcastles.

Get comfortable with death of the author. we have unprecedented access to the writers/directors/crew/actors of our favourite media, and they have that same kind of access to us. but what you're engaging in is fiction and storytelling, not a director's positivist, socially-devoid, historically-accurate thesis on an event. the director's interpretation of a story is exactly that: an interpretation. Hell, even if it's a single writer who also edited who also published an extremely indie book, you can still take something different away than what the author originally intended.

canon is NOT the One Truth. some people ship/headcanon/meta irrespective of canon - some people ship/headcanon/meta in spite of it. sure, it'd be nice to see some of your fantasies play out on the screen/page, but that's not the point of fandom.

if you absolutely have to say a negative word about a character/ship (which you really, really do not), do not tag that character/ship. you are inviting the voice and criticism of people who have the opposite opinion of you.

Remember that engaging with hate or drama is always going to leave you feeling worse, no matter your intentions. at the end of the day, these are stories. none of it is real. there are no stakes. no one is committing any crimes.

Remember why you got into that story, that show, that movie, or that book - remember what you loved and what you wanted to share in. choose that instead.

[sentience-if]

Okie another modern question. What's a modern concept that would absolutely irk the ROs? (technology, traffic, social media, trends, whatever fits, etc)

Klaus: cameras being everywhere, whether in friends' pockets or strangers/paparazzi. he'd never be able to stop thinking about the fact that someone could be photographing him right now. also I just know Thaddeus couldn't go twelve seconds without taking a selfie and forcing Klaus to participate

Ira: develops a love/hate relationship with how easy the internet makes it to access information. on the one hand, accessibility good, but on the other, the easy spread of misinformation would drive Ira up a wall. they take psychic damage every time someone says they "googled something"

kat: fast fashion/ the quick turnaround of trends. Kat straight up does not understand why someone can't just pick an aesthetic and stick to it. Who gives a shit if it's ""in style"". her beef with fashion influencers is off the charts

Val: I was going to say subscription services but then I remembered Val is a literal pirate. so I'm gonna go with anything that makes you sign up or download an app or enable permissions on your phone. they'd rather communicate with smoke signals than give out their email. val probably doesn't even have an email.

Connie: the whole concept of alpha/beta males would give Connie an aneurysm lmfao. I'm not really sure how modern of an idea that is, but specifically the youtubers and the weirdly masculine-branded like.... hand sanitizers or whatever

[femmmie]

THE ISLAND

Read the entire fic on AO3

Chapter 9: The crash

Things have taken a turn. What will Dave Dilford do now he's unemployed? Also, Ian, Shayne and Courtney are flying on Air Force 1. But Ian senses something's not right...

Chapter word count: 1.503

Rating: teen

“Effective immediately, Defy Media has ceased business.”

As soon as he read the e-mail, Dave Dilford dropped his phone.

“What the hell?!”

He scrambled to pick it back up. His custom Roblox case fell off, but he didn’t have time to put it back. He immediately called every member of the board.

“Shit! Pick up, you boring fucks!”

Noone responded.

As he walked out of his office, into the hall, several other people were already standing there. They were holding their phones and stared at each other with expressions of disbelief and just dumbfoundedness.

“Is it really true?” Dave mumbled, more to himself than to his colleagues. But one of them said, “yeah, we’re unemployed now.”

Suddenly, a junior consultant ran through the hall, screaming, “LET’S SET THIS BUILDING ON FIREEEE”.

This got everyone out of their trance, and they all walked to the lunch hall where people were already rioting.

“Hecox…” Dave balled his fists and punched one against the wall. In the chaos that surrounded him, nobody even noticed. He screamed and stormed out of the building.

Still fuming, and with a sore hand, he drove home in his Volkswagen Atlas Cross Sport. He was deep in thought. His plans were all ruined now. Helping this new guy win over the U.S. with a smile and a wink and nod, and memes. Dave had hoped to become chief of communications in the Hecox administration.

At home in his small living room, he switched on the tv. The news had just now broken about Defy.

“It is a grim day for president Hecox. Donors have fled ever since he shared his extreme and populist agenda. And now, superPAC Defy Media has stopped operations. Hecox’s radical decisions have been quite popular with the people but the former power players in Washington are not happy. Without access to the president, how can they advance their interests?”

“Hecox! You ruined me!” Dave stood up and called a number.

~

Ian, Shayne and Courtney entered Air Force One. They were headed to a foreign country to broker peace talks and try to get some sort of ceasefire deal.

“I love the country,” Courtney said. They were absolutely rocking a hot pink blazer and shorts. “But I don’t see how we’re going to stop this conflict… it’s gone on for so long.” They looked out of the window as the plane ascended.

“Yeah, and the people are so friendly! Why is it that good people elect terrible leaders so often? No offense, Ian.” Shayne shot Ian a playful smirk.

“None taken, man. Just wait until I decree statues of myself all over the world, with a huge dong of course.”

“Actually, that would be pretty awesome.”

Ian and Shayne often bantered like this, and Ian found some solace in it. But even so, he would love someone who would shock HIM with something outrageous. And Shayne had tried but never succeeded, at least not yet.

“It would be, right?”

“Guys!” Courtney said fake-exasperated.

After a few hours had passed, Ian looked out of the window. He saw blue skylines in every direction. And he got an awful feeling in the pit of his stomach. Was this it?

He tried to act cool. “Shouldn’t we be there yet?”

Shayne was totally relaxed. “Maybe some high-altitude winds or something?”

“Only high-altitude wind here is Courtney’s passing gas all the time.”

“Hey!” Courtney protested with a burp.

Shayne kissed them on the cheek.

“Yall are disgusting,” Ian joked. But he couldn’t help but feel like something was off.

“We haven’t heard from the pilot once yet, right? I find it a bit odd. Could you check with them on why we’re taking a detour?”

“Sure!” Shayne walked up to the cockpit.

~

They were falling, fast.

“What’s happening?!”

Courtney stumbled towards the cockpit where Shayne had disappeared just moments ago. Where was he? But then they heard shots, and a couple of loud thuds.

“Shayne!” Courtney shrieked. “Shayne!!”

No answer. The door of the cockpit was locked.

The oxygen was quickly running out and their vision became blurry. They banged their fists on the closed door, then tried to claw it open.

“Shayne, honey… please hold on… I’m… I’m on my way…”

~

What was left of the plane, was quickly filling with water and beginning to sink.

A black boat appeared out of the thick mist that lay over the water. And a guy dressed in all black dove in. He was under for a long time.

Tommy nearly fainted as he held his breath, standing on deck. He really didn’t like the sea. He did respect it, he wanted the best for it, but he didn’t want to be in, on or even near it. And he certainly didn’t want Spencer to risk his life diving around a sinking plane.

Tommy and Spencer had been stealthily following a speedboat. But their plans had dramatically changed as they saw Air Force 1 fall out of the sky.

Spencer immediately went into GI Joe mode. It was like a switch had flicked inside of him. From goofy and lovable back to being a dangerous spy.

He resurfaced with not one but two people. They were both unconscious.

Panting, he handed the bodies to Tommy. “Do you know CPR?”

“Uhm, uhh..” Tommy was stuttering. “Y- Yes, I am OSHA-certified…”

“Quickly, save their lives, I’m going back in.”

“But Spe-” and he was gone. Damn.

Tommy tried his hardest. The first person, a beefy blonde guy, barfed up some sea water and came to his senses. At first, he just blinked and tried to reorient himself. But then he saw the other person. He jumped up.

“Courtney!” Shayne cried, horrified.

“I’m going to try to get her back,” Tommy tried to reassure him.

Shayne kneeled at Courtney’s side and squeezed their hand. He was bleeding but he only had eyes for his beloved Courtney. Tears ran down his face, or maybe it was water still running down from his hair. “Please, save them…”

Tommy kept pumping, blowing air into their lungs… Shayne screamed, it was horrible to see someone so distraught up-close.

Finally, a whole heap of water catapulted out of Courtney.

They slowly opened their eyes. “Hmm, still better than My Favorite Coffee.”

Shayne took them into his arms and hugged them so tightly, Courtney winced.

“Oh no, I’m so sorry, honey, are you okay?”

“As okay as you could be after a plane crash, I guess.” They said it so matter-of-factly that both Shayne and Tommy laugh-cried.

“Thank you so much, mister, for helping us. What an incredible coincidence that you just happened to be here!”

“Yeah, about that…” Tommy began, but Spencer resurfaced again.

“We have to go,” he said urgently.

“Where is the president?!” Shayne and Courtney protested.

“The president?!” Tommy gasped.

“NOW!” Spencer commanded and shuttled all of them into the cabin of the boat. He went out on deck once more and released a couple of lifeboats.

“That’s the best I can do for now, president Hecox, I’m sorry. But I’ve met my match.”

Spencer couldn’t believe it. All his years of experience couldn’t have prepared him for this.

There were several adversaries on board the sinking plane. How that could even happen was beyond him. But he fought most of them off easily, his martial arts training paying off handsomely.

Only one of them remained. Spencer had a hard time cornering him.

It wasn’t even a guard or a terrorist. He looked like some tech-bro or something. a sickly pale skin color, bags under his eyes… but a terrifying fire lay within them. Spencer had never known fear until he saw that face. His entire body told him this man was dangerous.

They brawled for a while but neither of them could get the upper hand. Until the guy took a can of gasoline that was randomly aboard the plane and got a golden anime-boob lighter out of his wet jorts.

“But the president is still out there!” Spencer had shouted, catching the guy off-guard.

“He’s still out there?! Okay, that’s even better!”

Dave licked his lips maniacally, and spat, “I am going to blow this shit up, so you better run, boy!”

Spencer was ashamed to say that he did run.

But there was still no explosion. Should he turn back? Had he failed? Spencer’s world was spinning.

A warm hand touched his shoulder, bringing him back to earth.

“Spencer?”

“Oh. Hey.”

Tommy hugged him.

“Thank you for keeping me safe.”

“Thank you for saving those people’s lives.”

“We saved them together…” Tommy walked his fingers around Spencer’s neckline.

“I was pretty awesome, I’ll admit. It kinda felt like a Solid Snake mission.”

“Oh my god!” Tommy couldn’t help but laugh. Why was this FBI-agent also a gamer?

“Hey. Want an ice cream?” Spencer caught him off-guard.

“We have those on board?”

“Of course.”

Tommy blushed. “Spencer… you know exactly what I need.”

“Do I, now?”

Tommy got all four of them ice creams.