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unproduciblesmackdown · 1 year ago

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i think i've only seen a soma playthrough twice and the first time i didn't absorb it great lol but upon just some light brushing up (incl a short article that was one of the few results that cropped up when i was like "show me the images for 'soma's save feature featured fisting, right' (yeah basically)") it's like, it's always fun when you're just left with a lot of room to Interpret Themes and unsurprisingly at this juncture i'm lasering in on just, like, the matter of [the self vs the other] via this premise that basically people can just make a copy of their Psyche at any point (but needing to find a new & different Soma in which to upload it but like, largely setting that aside when In This Scenario the new bodies don't affect their minds / sense of self at all....except for when they sometimes do? or maybe not. the like glitchy monsters are just kind of WAU automatons, right. and the people are all able to act / communicate themselves as people, though they might be affected by like, existential crises over the goings on) wherein like....the protagonist can Split In Two* at a few points via the psyche copying/uploading, and then the game Follows the copy that will be continuing to advance the plot, and the version of the protagonist we Were following is now An Other even though it's like, that was The Self (at least insofar as that was our first person pov player character) up till just now. and the protagonist can Know like, yeah that's You right over there also. and yet iirc from like, yesterday's light research, in the first instance he at least gets the Option to kill that Other/Self who was, up till just then, the Self to us too, if that makes him feel better abt the existential crisis, or at least discomfort, enough to like, keep moving right along lol (speaking of. just the other day i was like "adagioly onomatopoeiaing the opening banjo strums of rainbow connection from the muppet movie soundtrack does so much for me" and then i learned it was the anniversary of its theatrical release. hell yes. also memorably once when like marinating for hours in a general malaise & failing to find the wherewital to get up i was like "haha oh wait. i'm playing the song 'movin right along' from the muppet movie in my head. okay" up & at em)

anyways the fisting article (which, i was wondering what thoughts it would have on that truly interesting facet of the game. mostly it posited that the uhh sphincteresque penetration of it all would be Typically considered to make cishet men anxious / threatened / vulnerable, and notes the protagonist (hypothetically a cishet man) is indeed trepidatious about it, while also arguing he markedly Doesn't really hesitate in shit that hurts or endangers others in the course of his shit (though ig that can also depend on the player? haven't really rewatched it recently enough to know how much his dialogue adds to [as a character though he's making it clearer he just wants to cut a swath through your shit asap]) and also questions whether the game thinks of (or, from their argument, knows of) the protag as pretty sphincteresque himself. and like yeah probably imo lol like thee ending being what it is, and as far as i know no like Multiple Endings like in amnesia series* stories usually, and thus more room to have a protagonist who talks to characters in the present and i think like, without the ability to choose what he says

anyways that the protagonist can Understand like, hey see that guy over there, that's literally also you rn, and yet he can [Not accept that] in one case such that he'll kill that Self for "his own" Self's comfort really, as the fisting article expressed, to continue believing he is Unique and the One True Self, the only Real [himself]. when, to be sure, the game Could have kept the first person pov on that version of him we'd Been up till then, and had that pov of the one killed. or maybe left behind in another instance, i don't remember all the "transfers"....catherine Explicitly explaining that only the copy/upload format is possible, Not Transfers, making sense what with like. her magic brain scans that can can wholly parse & store your Psyche data, whatever that'd be like, definitely not being meant to, say, Extract the person's Psyche from their living human body upon doing so. while the ending's drama comes from the game Now staying with the version of the protag who'd been our first person pov character prior to that "transfer," who is Again like "why am i still here" despite having the "it's not actually a transfer" explained, b/c This version Just So Happens to be the copy of the copy of the copy like simon(4) or (5) or whatever and ofc can't have been the one(s) already just left behind somewhere back there in the complex or he wouldn't have been able to be at that point in the first place. and then "killing" catherine b/c he's so pissed, i remember it as him hitting whatever device was her effective Soma, but the article i think suggested she just got too stressed in turn and that Output fried the device. while, of course, post credits shows us their "transferred" selves just fine chilling in the ark like whew glad all that's done with

anyways just getting around to the fact of how it's easy to land on catherine as the center of the game....and of course she's the one really Not having crises over [my god, copies of my Self] or others' selves or what all, having even less of a usual Soma than simon but rolling with it, and evidently having already fully absorbed her Self as a distinct version from her original Self, despite having the same links to her that make simon or anyone else who's been copied into whatever other Soma feel like he's continuously been Himself(tm), the one true Real Self he's always been....and like, naturally catherine being the one behind the entire project of [what if we copy/paste people's psyches into a big ol mmorpg server & shoot it into space so that Maybe something can happen with them / in a way they can continue to exist] so she's Been thinking of, you know, being separate from these Selves turned Others who you'll jettison into space beyond even the body of the earth. unless it's supposed to stay in orbit lol i do not remember the details....and ofc like plenty of other people are like wow that's Fucked Up or it's Not Us and like, the latter sure is true with with the [copying, not transferring] element, but also the former is more choose your own adventure (interpretation) when the game isn't about like, and the simulation Is fucked up, or there's any element of distress or dissonance to existing on the ark, though you can't really know that until the post credits scene confirms you're just hanging out for real....which, that article was also going in on the character who's on this quest to kill the WAU as like "the versions of us it makes isn't Real it's Corrupting" and like, arguably the WAU as just kind of, naturally, something capable of growing, and doing so, and the real problem seeming to come in with the [doing whatever for supposed safety but superceding/supplanting/displacing autonomy in doing so] like, people who did not agree to whatever was done re: their Somas or they would've remembered & been like yeah i'm hanging out as a robot now, or a goop guy, gunk [YES], etc. but separate from that obvious issue it's like, my guy, You're a copy made by the WAU now lol, you're your whole person that you are, with the thoughts & feelings to decide you wanna go on a quest to destroy it, and whatever capacity to pursue it....either way i think the game makes it clear enough the WAU is a Neutral force exercising no conscious discernment, it Is a body, or it's some body (once told me) anyways lol, though i guess i did just go "those Monsters that can chase you are just wau manifestations right" so that's getting kind of complex lol, but even that can be taken as, like, it Mimicking human's shapes & bipedality & other external characteristics, i guess, and just the way an overall theme can be [hmm where's that division between the soma and psyche, machine and ghost] the WAU has been expanding and making various forms of itself, and of humans, and that's also an element of the fisting that starts out as a fingering and can end with having to leave part of yourself in WAU's core if you have completed the choice to corrupt & destroy it, that Connection and Interfacing is required, with increasing [get it in there] required as well though there's no given clear in universe reason why (w/my theory here being: just the Themes of the increasing interaction / reducing Boundary)

where was i going with this. idk naturally there's people like "well you don't have to see the wau as evil or at least required to be destroyed" like yeah one can imagine the case for that, wherein again this one guy's hypothetically mad abt like oh it can't be Us it's making, like, brother in christ You are here as You are b/c of what wau did, if you don't think You're legitimate enough, how can you be dead set on pursuing any decision you make. but also the lack of autonomy wherein wau has (probably? again would have to rewatch) killed people to transfer them to a less fragile soma, but a) also maybe it's just acted when people were already dying / killed from other causes, and naturally there's the Everyone There Doomed To Die Fairly Imminently factor and b) that [wau's neutral / purely soma no psyche (or is it. etc)] aspect that is that classic mixup of wau just acting on its programming in a way unintended by its programmers re protecting life and c) i think WAU can sure be interpreted as a parallel counterpart to the ark project, where people agreed to the latter, & get to chill with simulated bodies in a simulated world, versus the WAU being that [body, world, realm of physical existence] which is funky & Not like a cool nice recreation of the usual world & is also at the bottom of the ocean, but it's sure trying to extend the existence of ppl's psyches by shoving them into whatever robots or slapping together parts or propping up their original body or what all, i don't remember that many of the characters encountered

Anyways Back To Catherine For Real. i'd forgotten this element completely, but that when catherine finds out her original self had been killed by crewmates (lol. amongst) for being set on carrying out the plan for the ark, Her Project, (i.e. launching it into space (risking that launch going incorrectly) vs keeping it on site at the bottom of the ocean here (theoretically less risky, according to at least the crewmate who killed her about her insisting on launching it anyways)) and catherine's copy / now alternate self comments on being like, a bit disappointed And surprised b/c like she says "i knew they didn't like me, but," like not thinking that dislike would lead to a semi accidental killing her (where apparently the guy who killed her may have been wearing the like powered diving suit w/the extra Strength to operate in the water pressure, like oh didn't mean to hit her That hard. in a different soma already) and seeing other ppl (not in universe) commenting on how it sure did seem to be culmination of like "the way others treated her" and how catherine always mentioned like, never having really had friends including as a crewmate here, being an Introvert....in fact, now i'm remembering that catherine doesn't even say "i knew they didn't like me, but" but rather something very close to "i know i'm not easy to like, but" like, aaaugh....like, as ever, a character or a Real Life Person sharing any particular info like "i'm [xyz]" Isn't Required for just trying to always not be ableist and to always treat other people as people even if they don't "just be normal" correctly enough, supposedly. rather than [what is "just being normal" is Correct & Good and you do Not need to undergo a continuous lifelong journey of in fact questioning this & navigating & learning how to communicate & interact & relate, you just need to fleetingly muster some superficial unhelpful Bonus efforts sometimes when you encounter the rare "exception" like someone who hands you their License To Autiste and you can let them keep their fidget cube and continue treating everyone you encounter ever organic aba style]....like, naturally in the game there's no twist where catherine turns out to be Evil or even antagonistic. she's like, patient, encouraging, friendly, helpful all throughout. she's also, ofc, simon's only guide (adding to the suspense of that [my god. my only guide was evil, and/or just my antagonist now anyways]) so he doesn't really get to pick someone he'd Like more. but that like, lifelong matter of why catherine doesn't Get to have had friends. that even as this professional associate she's treated differently, and worse, b/c you have to personally like someone & find them charming & je ne sais quoissy to Not be worse to them? it's fine to be shitty until catherine can, say, say "i've noticed you're being kind of shitty. it's probably b/c i'm autistic, officially, which i'm choosing to share with you & am now presenting my license about it, so maybe be cool about it" and then and only then go "oh ok" and Make The Exception rather than shifting your entire shitty Rule (they also would not actually really make the exception. "shoutout" too to the concept that, of course, it's actually Disrespectful to stop hating autistic ppl b/c you should treat them The Same as anyone else, and you're bringing that organic ABA all the time as part of your "just be normal" ethos life, so be sure to keep being an asshole to them & double empathy probleming putting all the depletion, extraction, punishment, losses, harms on them and all the rewards on yourself)

and like, catherine being killed b/c she was this Body who was going to take away the ark (her project / creation, which she was also just insisting on following what'd always been the plan for) wherein like, even if this guy didn't mean to kill her, he sure did after lashing out at her, same as happens w/simon in the end....and catherine also failing to be thee most "normal/default" version of a person as well by being a Woman, and probably not white either, and, of course, a nonwhite woman, also making her that much more vulnerable to being Out Of Line(tm) by just like, existing as a person & trying to do her shit, though misogyny, racism, orientalism or the like isn't explicitly invoked or especially implicitly hinted at that hard either, but it's like, how does this [scifi magical realism set in the not That distant future but material made in the way less distant past, i.e. all intents & purposes modern / current day of: in the 2010s] have Relevance beyond "would that be fucked up or what" type Invention that doesn't map on to our experiences at all....you don't Have to read into catherine twice being killed by a man who's lashing out b/c she's not delivering what he wants, but you sure don't Have to Not and be like "this is definitely No Misogyny world" like they're still being implicitly ableist b/c she's just not deemed Winsomely Likable enough, she's internalized that with that "i'm not easy to like" framing, why assume a premise of [misogyny is over] [racism is over] etc. whilest soma doesn't really proffer any scenario of like "oh if it weren't for our being able to perceive our designated Physical Differences in our human bodies, all that oppression would be over," that's not being explored even in the specific situation of its plot in the first place; people on the ark seem to have the simulation of the same bodies they originally did, ppl Can retain like, how they'd move, their voices, their sense of their bodies: elements of their physicality. and, you know, whether one even supposes there Is any meaningful body/mind division, though in soma it Is this premise like oh yeah we can digitize your psyche perfectly okay, such that your copy would experience no disruption in that Sense Of Selfness, which is what makes everything particularly like, whoah, and [wow this is just like soma] whenever something kind of invokes similar enough What Ifs but probably less engagingly lol....while also soma is flexible and spacious in letting you interpret shit, you Can defer from fisting wau to death, you don't have to be like "it's so true. thee horrors" abt the Copies Of Selves, who really just become Others to whatever now-other versions of that person, i.e. how catherine, who, as the person who wanted to scan copies of ppl's psyches & put them in a just chilling simulation server launched into space for the Chance of being copy/pasted elsewhere eventually and the chance for the participants to Exist in some form Now, and who did so, is never like, shocked or freaked out by the notion / reality of these copies' existence even though she didn't set out figuring any scans' uploads would end up on the ocean floor stations, she's not aghast & distressed in the end when after having uploaded her latest Self data to the ark & launched it, she's also Not on the ark and Still in the eventually / doomed ocean floor station, even if it's a bummer, b/c she has already just accepted That's How It Works....this [her] was not going to experience being Transferred, like she's Been saying, like she again tells simon while he's blowing up abt [why wasn't i transferred]....just clearly being an example of like, not everyone is like horrified and freaked out and like "that's fake &/or wrong" and you don't have to decide she's incorrect for being Like That, i.e. like, yep, this is the situation, i know there's the me who was killed and the me on the ark and the me here, and i know also we're also for intents and purposes separate people

all that is to say, like, yeah the Scifi What If specific [you can copy/paste your consciousness into a different soma] is there, but also you can be looking at it as just this like, pushing to thee limit of the Self(tm) and the Other(tm) insofar as imagining yourself, as the only Internality / Mind / Selfhood you have access to, as The One True Real Self and all Others as mere somas/bodies, whether you take that to as dehumanizing an extreme as you can or you just put some double standards on Others / treat them as lesser/less Real, or oh but just Sometimes, in Some Cases, which is fine and relevant to anything, rather than what's fine and relevant being to always be aware that everyone's Otherness is a matter of perspective, you're the Other to everyone else, everyone is just as The Self as everyone else, You Could Be That Other, that other Is [you] to themself, you are the "that could be you" to them....with soma, it can just be elevated to "that Other WAS you from 0.5 mmsec ago, and continues to be them, b/c they didn't experience any disruption in their existence, though now you're both in different situations of: different locations, different bodies, the awareness there's that Other Self over there now, possibly the difference of killing that self you were just copied from so you can go on feeling like the One Real Self"....but wherein like, that's just like, [What If: you Were able to wholly & accurately Know the self inside an Other? b/c it's you from 5 min ago] of like, scenarios like [what if you time traveled 5 min into the past] except wherein that case there's usually the efforts to Resolve(tm) the timeline of that One True Self one way or another, ultimately. or is there. obviously who's positing that soma is the only material to be About the "whoa lol. me as an other" concept made scifily literal or anything

anyways that like, it creates that situation wherein one Can point & go "literally literally me" but also simultaneously one Can go "that's Not literally me arrrgh" or "that's also Not literally me, matter of factly"....simon's wrangling with the Othering of his One True Self, but he can also Know, should he choose to shift to that perspective, that all the Others who aren't alternate copies of him are all Another True Selves, An Other True Self even, though ofc as per the nature of not having a collective consciousness, he Doesn't Know the accurate whole of their psyches b/c he was not ever [literally them], but he doesn't need to to know they're just as [a whole psyche in there] as his own have been. original catherine with her fellow original crewmates being othered enough by them for the dehumanization of treating her worse, her being isolated, that indeed her being killed doesn't feel separate from all that by her or by anyone else, just an escalated extreme final fatal manifestation of it, b/c nobody ever liked her in the first place and then she became a (psyche Piloting a) body getting in the way of what one guy with amplified strength at that moment wanted from the project she made to let others' psyches keep existing in some way, which was deemed valuable enough by that guy to want to commandeer it and keep it at the bottom of the ocean versus risk a launch, regardless of how you the player think of the idea

and thinking of the way you can like, effectively befriend that boxy underwater little propellered Regular Simple Robot Helper that follows you around at some point, that is, of course it can't talk to you, it's definitely Just(tm) this not-ever-a-version of a human robot for practical tasks (dyspeptical tasks, clerical tasks, hysterical tasks) and like, imagine Its interiority, get invested, try to protect it, humanize it regardless....whereas with actual humans, and their psyches in a microchip, you can kill them for not perfectly delivering whatever you wanted even when that's not what other humans ever exist to do. then simon loses the Company he still could've Gotten From catherine, [guy who killed original catherine] didn't succeed in keeping the ark unlaunched, b/c that's what you go and do....but really just thinking of that Thread that feels so extremely relevant of like, catherine copy being simon's only option sure and working With him on this mission until we stay with the edition of him who realizes it didn't lead to his escape onto the ark, i.e. always being in relation to him in a manner of a direct practical teamup & a [take it or leave it] sole option for that anyways....but that in her original, human-bodied life, she was always "oh only a little bit" dehumanized by everyone such that she is very much aware of the way that's defined & limited her life, never had friends, i know i'm difficult to like; until that dehumanization escalated to the extreme of trying to hit her to stop her from seeing her project through, and just happening to kill her, and the fact that this seems to no one just a coincidental whoopsie of a fate just entirely disconnected from the way others always saw her and treated her as this Other among others, while other [psyche/soma]s of others who are clearly not Your Self get to have friends and not be isolated and feel hard to like forever and end up killed by coworkers

tl;dr like love a text just inviting plenty of interpretations and lenses and perspectives, ofc gonna look at it like whoa it's anarchy in there (political cats sense) where are the borders where you are thee self above thee other....soma providing that thinnest boundary of like, yeah that mf over there? there but for the [being in a different body, in a different place, with 7 seconds of negligibly different life experience] go ye. but also the usual boundary of "that person is in a different body in a different place with a different whole life but you're [that] to them and they're just as much a person and a self and an other as you are" like catherine center of the game to me

(* just remembered i had these asterisks: sure enjoying how the premise of amnesia games effectively creates Alternate Selves b/w the protagonist's present self, with however much missing time, and past selves whose goings on are completely relevant to the in media res situation you're also tackling while obtaining pieces of that past to priovide further context/info, and how this premise manifests for different stories each time; you've even got oswald like physically divided into Two Selves in a:amfp, though iirc it's not like, psychically equivalent, kinda "regular oswald & nefarious destroy the world duplicitous oswald" lmao, classic....uhh and shoutout to penumbra being similar ish in that the protagonist's story isn't want's relevant, he's trying to find out what happened to his dad and more broadly the like underground pocket world he enters for those answers? iirc....but that soma shares that amnemonic premise of [intro] [suddenly like ???] [having to navigate your present mission & figure out the past & your Missing time] but like, thee respective Lores don't overlap really, soma obviously starts present day and takes an even more obvious leap into a future / completely different location, rather than amnesia games being set in the past with missing time of like, idk months? to even just days, uhh supposedly like [forever] in justine but that's like, i dunno sure lol, the peak mysterious / withheld protagonist really, on purpose. while naturally there's also the fact that, technically, this simon we are following at the start of the game did not actually forget anything, and that's a fun distinction despite that it otherwise initially seems like the same [amnesia] premise....and that he did kind of ""forget"" things in that original simon lived however much longer before dying, that his scan then ofc didn't retroactively include. so once again it's like, well, in amnesia ppl have likewise kind of rewound to a Past Self before the missing [crucial context to your in media res misadventure] time, w/daniel (and justine) even doing this On Purpose, though as is the nature of the amnesia series, everyone regains enough of that missing info about their goings on anyways, though you the player are Not in a story of like "wow they did Exactly the same thing again and ended up in the same place anyways" and Do get to kinda choose who they are / indeed end up with some Alternate Self, potentially, despite there being plenty of room wherein like, it's not precisely, granularly laid out Exactly Who They Are at any point anyways. only just now getting extra amnemonic lore that yes daniel got all fucked up on vitae rituals b/c that's just what happens! and people are fairly horny for it! always a possible interpretation that he was high on vitae (okay one proffered pronunciation of "curriculum vitae" (which i was like lord i feel like i've gone "what tf is that" about before but what tf is that. turns out it's what CV stands for as your specifically educational resumé) does say "vitae" would, in that case, rhyme with "nigh." other sources are listing like a million different combinations of a million different ways to pronounce each syllable. also they gotta say it a way in the game but i forget. daniel's VA apparently being some chemistry teacher? just like alchemy. not what the pope said to do, weird science, it's my creation....) anyways! the psyches diverge, the bodies don't, unless they do (oswald....uhh the guy in the bunker. lambert :( ) like catching up with The Self again, encountering extreme examples of Othering and Dehumanizing and [you are just like only a soma to me] with various means and ends of acting thusly to get xyz results

#uhh nominal tagging. i probably have nonzero soma posts...? maybe? lol #soma #amnesia #atdd #soma spoilers yeah but a) game's more than half a decade old at this point b) material that hinges on Surprising you the first time as like #thee sole worthwhile feature of its experience: probably not that good; i don't think soma's even dying to keep you from guessing any #''twists'' and if you Do it doesn't feel like you're like cheated of anything lol. though i'm sure the surprises are fun. the ending is sur #like yeah oh a fucked up surprise for the player too; but that's b/c the game of course Until Now followed the ''advancing'' simon copy #c) same as (b) but like spoilers don't really ruin things anyways imo. who is reading this in whole like ''damn i was Just gonna play this'#whereas idk now you know of it. also lbr who is reading this in whole period? probably some people lol. you do not have to ofc as a fact an #as a stance. i'm like; would i read someone's longass post abt something i don't already know abt / am not interested in? not often #d) if you Are like ''nooooo SOMA spoilers arrrgh i was Just abt to play it'' like damn my bad. i'm sorry. play it anyways it'll be fun #or e) watch a playthrough. i myself cannot Firsthand Game too much & this has generally been the case #long post ////#all this uncrucial and noncomprehensive but just taking 90k words & meandering tangents to say [hand over heart] catherine....#as is my mode of verbalizing anything really #i'll recommend the game easily enough; sure watched a full playthrough twice & may revisit for a thrice. or at least various clips lol #even got a safe mode (where you Can't Die so you can get through every part b/c thee story is the point anyways)

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sarenhale · 4 years ago

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im really curious, could u tell us more abt arihel's (and by extension, nergaal's) voidsent infection? I always thought the concept was neat when u mentioned it <:3

Ooh thank you, I'm always happy when people are interested and ask things about my characters :) T_T

It's gonna be a bit of a long answer because to explain the corruption, it makes sense to also explain the history they have together and the Echo abilities they share, it's all very much connected! So strap yourself in for a long explanation:

Nergaal has the Echo. This, coupled with his incredible ability in fighting, made him one of the strongest individuals in the Steppe, and a menace to every other Clan or inhabitant of the territory.

Nergaal's Echo is the same as Arihel's, a very quick and strong healing regeneration (think about the warrior's self healing abilities, but much more enhanced, where you can regrow limbs and istantly close big mortal wounds), which allowed him for years to heal himself from what would have been mortal wounds, and get through fights and wars that would othwerise have killed him. (He once received a Garlean cannon blast in the chest, and lived. Very funny. I should illustrate that)

This freaky ability gained him a certain reputation, people started calling him 'the demon of the steppe', tales started circulating about this demon that couldn't be killed, and always came back from the dead. Nergaal wasn't satisfied by the power the Echo granted him, and always wanted more, during his years as khagan he began destroying other clans and settlements to try to find particularly strong warriors that could give him a good fight, add to his abilities and bloodlust.

It was during one of the Buduga raids that he found Arihel, a kid that he felt an istant kinship and connection with: he grabbed him and brought him back to his clan, still unsure why he felt so connected to him considering he had never displayed any interest or human connection with anyone else before. In the years Arihel stayed with the Buduga, he was in close connection with Nergaal, and this allowed both xaela to influence eachother's abilities, and more specifically, their Echoes. Arihel was born with something of a 'rough affinity' to an Echo, that then developed while being near Nergaal for years, almost like a natural influence over eachother. (This is exactly what Nergaal felt as istant kinship and connection, the presence of a similar Echo.)

This is also kind of the 'base theory' I use for their connection and Echoes, the fact that it's an type of Echo that can be influenced/channelled in someone else that already has a 'base' for being a recipient for it, like how the Conduits in the Infamous franchise work, as in they pass down powers and 'influence' eachother, for example.

At some point Arihel left the clan and the Steppe, but his Echo stayed with him and developed during the years due to fighting and adventuring (and finding himself on the brink of death more than a couple of times).

When Arihel decides to come back to Nergaal to finally face him (after the fight with Zenos and the event of base stormblood), he understands that the 'incredible ability' Nergaal possesses is in fact a form of Echo, and akin to what he also has. They fight, Arihel manages to overpower him, and then kills him. When Nergaal dies, his body radiates a wave of corrupt energy, that hits Arihel right in the face. Nergaal have been consuming (yes, eating) voidsents for the past decades, feasting on them to get stronger and gain more power, kinda ignoring and not giving too much of a fuck about the corrosive effects on his life-span and body/mind health.

Not knowing what the fuck to do with this voidsent radiation and afraid that it could spread to other people in the nearest vicinity or infect the land/become ungovernable, Arihel absorbs it all in himself.

And thus he now has the voidsent corruption that Nergaal had inside him before!!!! It's of course damaging to him, and causes moderate health issues, but Arihel's thoughts is that if Nergaal managed to contain it for a while inside of him, he should be able to do that as well, using his healing Echo to combat the corruption from the inside. (which kinda works... and kinda... not...)

Another feature is that the corruption manifests by changing his appearance, making part of his hair white, and turning his eyes red, which were both some very distinct feature of Nergaal's.

So it's also a bit of a 'poetic' change in him as well, in which Arihel changes to become more similar to Nergaal physically and also psycologically. (Psycologically, Arihel loses a bit of his candor and innocence due to what he goes through, and also finds himself more prone to anger and bloodlust, which is a mix of a BIG YIKES and BIG EYES EMOJI)

It all ends in the passing on of 'Nergaal's legacy', even if Arihel of course doesn't want that, or to be connected with him anymore.

It's a sort of ideological dilemma I see in Arihel as well, in which he made the choice to be better than him years ago when he left the Clan, and not become a violent menace and find a better life, but he also can't escape what he is at the core, and the fact that he never got over the primal hate he feels for Nergaal.

So in the end, Nergaal loses... but he also wins. His corruption (both in ideology and physical form) reaches Arihel, and changes him.

Arihel is forever changed after this event, and I like to see it as a sort of a 'end of innocence' turning point for him, when he realizes that he can choose his own path in life and decide who he wants to be, but there are also some things he can't get over, and some strongs feelings like anger, and hatred, that he kinda HAS to accept in himself, that will always be there, and he cannot just pretend do not exist. He needs to accept the deepest, rawest parts of himself, even if he's scared. He always refused to be connected to Nergaal, always refused him when the older xaela said they were equal and monsters all the same, but the way their story ends proves that Nergaal is partially right. There ARE some raw, deep parts of Arihel that are similar to Nergaal's, the only difference is that one chose to live through them unapologetically, and one tried to hide them his whole life.

Because despite wanting to be the better person, Arihel made his choice when he decided to kill Nergaal instead of sparing him or finding a different way to handle the situation. Sure, maybe he could have used a different approach, but in the end, both him and Neergal knew that it was meant to be, and that it couldn't have ended in a different way.

It's basically my way of seeing Arihel finding out that there are some times where you can be the better person and escape the cycle, and some where you just have to go along with it and fullfill your path, what you are. It's the kind of character development I see in ffxiv's story too, when the story shows you that there are some time where being a hero isn't exactly what the world needs, or what you need. Sometimes you need to dirty your hands and handle things your way.

I also like to think about the end of this cycle as Arihel realizing vengeance truly has no meaning, or use, and doesn't solve anything.

(A lesson ffxiv teaches you as well, and a principle that's handled in the story in a very efficient manner)

Killing Nergaal might have eliminated a threath in the world, and rid the Steppe of a monster, but it didn't heal or patch up anything in Arihel, it didn't undo all the things he had done to him, all the trauma. On the opposite side, it made him realize he had more in common with Nergaal that what he would have wanted to admit.

So basically:

So yeah, this was a LONG response AHAH but I felt like explaining everything there's behind Arihel's arc!! :) The voidsent corruption is but a part of the consequences of his and Nergaal's saga.

I like to see both the Echo and the corruption, in their unique case, as something more than simply 'magical', and more like something that can affect the way someone thinks, acts and also the biology of the body (in which: Arihel's physical mutations), and the way they influence eachother by growing side to side.-

The physical and psycological effects of Nergaal's infestation are also meant to be like... the effects of the choice Arihel made in killing him, and accepting that there ARE some parts in which he's similar to him, in which he also feels the same hate, anger, desire for vengeance and carnage that Nergaal felt. And all of this manifests in a very POETIC JUSTICE (or injustice) way by making part of his hair white, and his eyes red, aka turning him more into Neergal.

Perhaps it could be a thing that can be cured or changed, I haven't decided yet AHAH I think Shb's storyline will inspire me to see how this could evolve, considering that he embarks on the expansions's story with all of these changes going on inside of him.

The corruption he carries is the result of the end of his cycle with Nergaal, but there's still the matter of Arihel's own cycle, and finding out how he turns out in the story, and how HIS story now develops and ends.

Thanks for asking!! I hope my writing is decent and I made sense in the explanation AHAH, my mind often works faster than my words and hands.

#i really love arihel's story and in an IDEAL world where i have infinite time i would love to illustrate it #alas i have not the time and skill to illustrate all of it... but perhaps some parts will come out in drawing form!#arihel #ffxiv #answered #nergaal #myoc #myocs

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hyacinthus-the-flower · 4 years ago

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dude idk any of these; Nero, Commodus, Caligula, but i'm not gonna left yr ask unanswered, tell me something abt them, and then hopefully i'll be able to answer.

Well, they're three characters from the Trials of Apollo series.

They were originally Roman emperors who survived by forcing people to worship them, which helped them gain divinity. They aided basically all of the antagonists in the Percy Jackson books.

This is a bit of background info on each character:

Nero

He was one of the worst emperors in Roman history, not just in Rick Riordan's books but also real Roman history. He was responsible for the great fire of Rome, and only acted on it after it threatened his palace. Then he blamed the Christians, and punished them mercilessly. In RR's books, he (presumably) kills the mortal parents of several demigods and raises them as his own, training them against the Gods and twisting their minds. He also planned to burn New York down with Greek fire if the protag wasn't surrendered to him by that evening, and watch it burn as he played music

Commodus

Commodus was eighteen years old when he took to the throne, and I think he wasn't always bad, since he was one of the lovers of the god Apollo for a short time. At the start of his reign, he wasn't that interested in politics and wanted to attack people who weren't threats for fun. But as time passed, he became more dictatorial when he suspected that his people would overthrow him. His athleticism and beauty gave him the name "The New Hercules" and he started making himself look like the original, just because. In the series, he loved sending people to the cave of Trophionus, watch them go insane and get glimpses of prophecies. He also wanted to name everything after himself, and I'm glad he didn't get a chance. Can you imagine every city being called "Commodiapilis"?

Caligula

This guy earned his name after his father's soldiers saw how cute he looked in armour and caligae. He wasn't born a prince, his father was a general and his mother was the granddaughter of the first Roman emperor. When he was young, a Roman astrologer told him that he had as much chance of becoming emperor as he had riding a horse across the Bay of Baiae, meaning that it was impossible. After his father's death, he was adopted by the emperor and later became emperor himself. Then he rode a horse across the bay of Baiae by lining up boats across it and riding his horse across it to prove the astrologer wrong. But then things get dark as he killed his rivals and forced parents to watch their children get killed without fair trials. He also wanted to be worshipped as the new Sun God, and in RR's books, he wanted to drain Apollo of his powers and absorb it himself. He also killed Jason Grace, one of my favourite characters, so he's the worst emperor in my opinion

Wow, this post got long. Sorry. I'm also sorry for not answering earlier, I had classes and didn't check for notifs😅

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superfluouskeys · 4 years ago

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who is the cat boy

HE’S SHAPED LIKE A FRIEND OKAY LOL I’m trying to be kind of ambiguous about my FFXIV posting because I have friends who are actively playing the game right now and I don’t want the TEMPTATION to be THERE for them to spoil themselves accidentally but also I’m too excited to completely keep my mouth shut.

The cat boy’s name is G’raha Tia! He makes his first appearance in the Crystal Tower storyline, which is a series of 24-person raids set right after the end of the base game. It used to be optional, but is now story-locked as it becomes important in the newest expansion, Shadowbringers. The friend I played with recommended I just not pay too much attention to it and then watch a tl;dr before we got to Shadowbringers, and I did it because she made it sound boring and I was very excited to get to the FIRST expansion content. I’m honestly kind of glad I did it this way, because this allowed me to come into SHB a little on the dumbass side and be surprised by things that I would have guessed if I’d been paying attention LOL.

SPOILERS BEGIN HERE TURN YOUR EYES AWAY!!!!!

Basically what goes down is G’raha learns that he has the blood of the royalty of the Allagan empire, the ancient and long-dead civilization that created the Crystal Tower. But even the most technologically advanced society in our current world is nowhere near the Allagans’ level, so any attempt to use the Crystal Tower is probably gonna cause massive problems, and the world has enough of those. G’raha Tia decides he’s going to seal the tower with himself inside and put the tower into a deep sleep so that it can only be reopened when society has caught up with the technology and can use it properly. It’s a pretty sad ending--he’s fairly young and obviously craves adventure, but feels this is his duty and his destiny. Our little team is all assuring him it’ll only be a few years before we come knockin’ but we know that’s not true--he’s basically giving up everyone and everything he’s ever known to carry out the will of the ancients.

So 200 years later when G’raha wakes up the world is super fucked. There’s been another worldwide catastrophe that has left everything in shambles. He and the people who woke him come up with this crazy scheme to use the Crystal Tower to send him through space and time to keep this catastrophe from happening.

Basically G’raha’s plan is to conceal his identity and play the villain, to make it out to look like he used you, the player, to defeat the monsters in this part of the game and absorb their power only to steal that power from you and use it to his own ends. He is TERRIBLE at this because it becomes glaringly obvious how much he loves and admires you and just wants to hang out with you, and so the whole scheme comes out in the end: in truth, his plan is to take the power you’ve absorbed before it overwhelms and kills you, and to teleport himself into the void, ridding the world of that power and sacrificing himself in the process. He concealed his identity and plan a. because he didn’t want you to try to stop him and b. because he diDN’T WANT YOU TO BE SAD ABT WHAT HE WAS GONNA DO AND WANTED TO PAINT HIMSELF AS JUST ANOTHER VILLAIN WHO GOT WHAT HE DESERVED.

Anyway his literal dying wish was just to go on an adventure with the player character and I am NOT okay about it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So I’m also glad I didn’t pay attention to Crystal Towers beforehand because now I get to go back and WEEP and it is actually a really cool series.

#AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA #bless you for asking LOL i couldn't contain my info dump #like man the only two things that i can think of that wrecked me even nearly this hard were tuchanka in mass effect 3 and the end of portal #like just STRAIGHT UP NOT OKAY LOL #and in case you ppl who are playing rn lost the battle with your self control don't worry i didn't spoil absoLUTEly everything LOL #ffxiv #personal #eventually i'm gonna have to tag this character and the tag could be so many things i mean #it could be gwaha #it could be the cat boy of all people #limitless possibilities #exciting tag for answered asks #Anonymous

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avesmonster · 5 years ago

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@bi-snapdragon

I didn’t even really think about Kaworu having his own Eva, but now I don’t want anything else lmao. Idk if It’d be so cool to see him get a little more emotional during some of the later fights where Shinji got really messed up. I know I keep coming back to it, but I feel like the fight with Leliel could be really interesting for them if Kaworu was fighting too. Like imagine him having a little bit of playful banter with Shinji and maybe Asuka at the beginning of the fight that just drops into horror when Shinji starts getting pulled in. He’d probably feel so powerless listening to Shinji screaming for help and being unable to do anything about it, and then getting called back would just crush him.

I know Shinji was only trapped for like half a day, but I think it’d be so interesting to see Kaworu realize that having Shinji trapped away from where he can protect him is like, his worst nightmare. And it’d make any sort of emotional turmoil he experiences when Shinji’s absorbed into unit 1 after Zeruel even more potent to have it set up as Kaworu’s worst fear earlier.

It’d also be cool to see how Kaworu’s behavior changes from the first time Shinji gets stuck to the second. I feel like he’d hold it together pretty well the first time since he’s generally pretty level-headed, but he’d still be visibly shaken when Shinji wakes up. He’d probably still be really focused on Shinji’s well-being, but I can imagine him just like. Needing to hold on to Shinji’s hand while they talk to reassure himself that he’s safe.

After Zeruel, I’d really like to see him be a total wreck. The person he loves has been gone a month, he almost didn’t make it back, and Kaworu’s been left alone with his feelings about it. I think he’d still try to suck it up and be there for Shinji, but wouldn’t be able to keep it together anymore and would need to just hold on to him and tell him how much he missed him and all that. I think I might have already touched on this a bit? But I think it’d be really sweet for him to refuse to leave Shinji’s side and be like passed out at his bedside when he finally does wake up. I think it’d be nice for Shinji to have some time to reflect about his choices a bit and maybe be quietly affectionate with Kaworu of his own volition-maybe just like stroking his hair or holding his hand or something? Idk. And then when Kaworu wakes up he’s kinda disoriented and vulnerable so it’d make more sense for his self-control to slip and get a little more emotionally expressive. I love the idea of Shinji seeing how affected Kaworu is by everything and how tired he is and just like. Pulling him into bed with him so he can hold him while they talk. I have a lot more to say abt this but I’m on mobile rn and it’s already way longer than I thought it’d be so I’m just gonna leave it at this!!

Yeah I’d love to see him interact with everyone as a pilot! I can definitely see him having playful banter with everyone-- especially in the beginning of the series before the angels started getting really powerful and scary. One angel I’d be interested to see him around for would be Israfel-- I don’t think his presence would really change much since that battle was supposed to be for Shinji and Asuka, but that episode is a lot of fun and I think it would be interesting to see what he could add to it.

Also later on when the angels start making contact with the pilots-- as I said earlier, I’m not sure if it would be possible for the angels to get into Kaworu’s mind the way they can with the other pilots, but it would be interesting if they could. A lot of character development for the pilots came from those interactions with the angels so it would be a good way to see more development for Kaworu. Especially revolving around his self-identity and stuff like that. I’m sure there would be a lot of parts of his psyche dedicated to Shinji, but there’s bound to be plenty that isn’t-- the angels might be able to bring forth some deeper parts of his mind that he tends to ignore. I’m not sure what those would be but I’m sure his balance between living as an angel and living as a lilin would be part of it. Especially if he was balancing life as an Eva pilot, too.

And I think that Shinji disappearing would destroy him too. Even if it was only half a day, I’m sure it would feel like forever to Kaworu. He’s so used to dying and to horrible things happening to himself, but he wouldn’t be used to anything like that happening to Shinji-- and definitely not in front of him while he watches. It wouldn’t be an absolute thing that Shinji was going to die, but no one was sure. And there would be nothing Kaworu could do about it but wait around and feel completely powerless. He’d be able to keep his cool around other people for the most part, but he’d be completely falling apart on the inside. And I think he’d blame himself, too. Kaworu takes Shinji’s happiness and well being as his own responsibility, so if it seemed at all like Shinji could die, Kaworu would think it was all his fault. Like he was supposed to protect Shinji and keep him from any harm, even if there truly was nothing he could have done.

So with that in mind, when it happened again with Zeruel, Kaworu would break down even more. He failed Shinji not once in one timeline, but twice-- and this time, Shinji would be gone for a lot more than a few hours. Every passing day would ruin Kaworu more and more. I think he’d refuse to leave Shinji’s side too, even after Shinji was discharged from the hospital. Shinji would probably stay with Kaworu most nights after that-- partly for himself and for his own comfort, but he’d definitely stay for Kaworu’s comfort, too. I think Kaworu would be terrified of Shinji slipping away yet again and not being able to save him. It was already a fluke that Shinji was able to make it out alive two times, but if it happened a third, who knows what would happen. And Kaworu already felt so powerless, so he’d probably just be scared since it certainly didn’t seem like there was anything he could do to protect Shinji anymore.

I think it would be cute if Shinji stayed over and Kaworu made him a makeshift bed as always, but in the middle of the night, Shinji would wake up to Kaworu next to him. Maybe Kaworu would be holding his hand or hugging him in his sleep or something-- just any sort of contact so that he knew Shinji was still there. And Shinji would hug him back and pet his hair to help comfort him and assure him that everything was ok.

Just the thought of Shinji comforting Kaworu is adorable!! And I really love your ideas of them after Shinji wakes up in the hospital. It would be such a good role-reversal because Kaworu would definitely want to be there for Shinji since Shinji was probably really scared and messed up, but it ends up turning out that Kaworu was more messed up by the whole situation. And after realizing that, Shinji would do what he could to comfort Kaworu and help him calm down.

#sorry for the late response again!!#I made a new post since the last one was getting really long lol #bi snapdragon #evangelion musings

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impivus · 6 years ago

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very rushed very shit intro comin @ you all but here goes nothing ! i’m felix from the gmt tmz, i use he / him pronouns, and im gonna power nap any minute now because one thing you should know about me is that i’m eternally on the verge of passing out from minimum exertions during the day. this is my pain in the ass eunsu: not even going to sugar coat it - he’s the human personification of a headache dumpster fire all in one beefy package and i really don’t even blame your character if they just . ignore his presence because, me too !

under the cut there’s some information about him if you want to get to know more about him regardless. smash that mf heart if you want to plot.. and i will get to you ? sometime ? its an ambiguous promise but i keep them, discord is also an option so just ask if you’d prefer to plot on there. eun’s about is here but no plots as of yet because life is hard and We Cant all Have Everything

aka im lazy

* ☾ ✧ * º ━━ is that KIM JONGIN walking about ? nope ! that’s just EUN SU CHO. & i’ve been told that they work as a INFORMATION BROKER ! apparently, they are TWENTY FIVE ( 204 ) years old . some people say they are a CISMALE, DEMON ! HE is very CULTIVATED & INTUATIVE but also DECIETFUL & MENACING. i wonder if they are just as odd as the rest of us . ⇢ SYNOPSIS. MBTI TYPE / entp, the debater ZODIAC SIGN / scorpio ENNEAGRAM TYPE / 7w8 KINSEY SCALE / 3 MORAL ALIGNMENT / chaotic evil / neutral HOGWARTS HOUSE / slytherin ⇢ AESTHETICS.

goosebumps raised and feelings of growing dread, the dark corner of a room where light doesn’t reach, silver pocket - watches with dead batteries, the scratch of a record player needle, flares in the sky, bad ideas coming to life, half-assed clapping when it’s required, figures dancing within the shadows & a smile you shouldn’t trust .

⇢ OVERVIEW

literally anybody: when are you free? eun su: im forever imprisoned in my own personal hell so i am never truly "free" but i don't really have plans all next week except for monday

this is eun su, and will y’all believe me if i say he used to be a good egg before he turned into the rotten egg i’m presentin y’all with today ?? i kid u not.. bs free zone. he did once .. have a hort he was born to a cult of witches, his twin brother absorbing all the magic that was meant to be equally distributed between them in his mother’s womb, which pretty much left eunsu as the black sheep of the family. said cult had been living on a small, near enough desolated island for literal decades, entertaining themselves with magic, seeking out knowledge, observing the unassuming populace, and toying with other supernatural creatures who dared cross their paths. unfortunately for eunsu’s family, tragedy struck when one of his aunt’s tried to over throw the high priestess ( his mother ) in their coven. unyielding in her position and untouchable to the magic she was exposed to, her sister went about other ways to break the woman’s spirits, dabbling in black magic predominantly to achieve her goals. eunsu’s brother was, thus, cursed before he was even born with an incurable heart defect that would see him dead before he reached double figures. eunsu’s mother was broken not mourned over how much he missed out as on a child: but she mourned for the fact that he was the only child that harboured any magic in their veins, the only child that could’ve carried on their lineage. queue entrance of eunsu and his Whats the Worst that Could Happen Attitude. being young and naive, thought he could’ve been able to solve it by himself, solve the issues and earn his mother’s lacking affections. eun had heard about dark vessels that could miraculously grant wishes through summonings. though he didn’t have magic in his veins he had a fire in his heart, and after all, demons cared not for who or what they fed from: so long as they appeased their hunger. all it wanted in return was a good, pure soul, and that’s what the demon stole from him before it mended his twin brother’s heart, giving the boy a new lease of life that wasn’t intended for him from the start. pity that eunsu died before he got to the age of twenty, following a quick and hungry fever that overtook his frail body and too soon turned deadly. there was no surprise that, come judgement day, he was turned away at the gates of heaven, in exchange for becoming one of lucifer’s own.

as a result of being eternally cursed with immorality and a tainted soul, he's lived some hundred-odd years and is coping by making the current populace in jeonseoul suffer along with finding purpose in digging out the secrets of his past life, mayhaps trying to find the demon who cursed him.... which could definitely be a wc.. and strengthening his abilities as a demon.

his personality is a bit insufferable; eunsu keeps himself distant and cryptic, because he likes it that way. he's a real weirdo ( if u have ever watched hxh he’s hisoka.. THAT weird ) that's hard to forget: completely mischievous, dramatic, and malicious to boot. some days he's waxing poetic about the futility of having a sense of justice and the next he's using his demonic powers to make some innocent tourist think they're hallucinating as they attempt to walk into a steady flow of traffic.

ultimately life's a game to him and bih.. he’s here to have fun ! he's outlived his actual family and friends ( well, aside from his brother who he barely remembers, prolly be a wc if anyone’s interested ) and he's not looking to get attached to anyone. it would be great to Die because it’s his forever Mood but he also gets furious if anyone tries to actually expel him for real - so he'll simply prod at the world and its people until he gets the reactions he wants.

fair warning: it is a pain to genuinely care about eunsu and not many people will wanna do it. he comes and goes into people's lives as he pleases, stops reaching out once he's bored and only ever grazes the surface of a relationship based on its worth or his curiosities, innocent ppl, cute ppl, etc are just gonna be eaten up by him then dropped.

the people who will be closest to him are doubtlessly other demons ig ? but he also hates y’all too so.. don’t get too friendly like he’s not here to make friends he’s here to be Jeonseoul’s next top Demon. also since he died sumn like 200 years ago it’s possible some wizards / familiars knew of him and his coven, it’d be super interesting for someone to have known cute human eunsu in exchange for chaotic bastard demon eunsu

⇢ MISCELLANEOUS

since he’s a young demon, his horns are small and his wings barely span about two inches above his shoulder bones, he got itty bitty bat wings lbr he’s kinda pissed abt it. there’s tattoos over his scars from clashing with other demons / hunters / angels, but his devil’s mark lining the back of his neck, performed by first demon who took his soul, has never faded away.

he also works as an info broker, which ties in with the fact that he’s a contractual demon ! it's more of a hobby than a job, something he does for kicks and to restock his gambling money and alcohol money, but he offers a helping hand to solo clientele for private cases if need be, just remember to bring your negotiation skills because his manipulation skills are a1.

he's well-versed in witchcraft even if he can’t actually possess the abilities that actual witches can. while hardly the mentoring type, he could be convinced to equip people with his knowledge of latin, spells or dark magic they want if he's interested enough. then again he might decide to screw them over for kicks so ask him for favours with caution.

for someone who carries a ton of spite and secrets, he passes as an easygoing, casual literature major on the daily to disguise his true intentions. find him at the university pretending to be a student and failing miserably at it like edward’s thousand year old ass in twilight

he cheats at the casino with his demonic powers but does it infrequently enough to pass it as luck. play games with him at your own risk. casinos are one of his favourite places but he can really be found anywhere with ease but some other places he frequents are: beaches, libraries, museums, bars, etc !

he'll get on people's nerves, but getting him to care to the degree of hate is another story. living this long has numbed him; people don't surprise him anymore and he doesn't care to spend time thinking about others. the secret to getting him to turn deathly serious is as simple as telling him you can tell that he was once a good person - because the cheesy truth is he was. he just convinces himself that he's given up trying to remember his human life and finds it easier to live like he’s dead.. yknow which he is.

romance makes him queasy, he's a spiteful old bastard and the concept of sweet love rubs him 100% fictional. there's someone he fancied before he was cursed but i'll save you the story: that's a distant dream now.

he might quote romantic works or put some pretty words together but he's fake as Fuck. if he notices someone innocent and unsuspecting crushing on him they are in so much trouble. he'll kiss their hand then twirl them right off a cliff. corruption kink central right here laid ease

as of rn he’s trying to master how to teleport and shadow control but he really is like on level one and he’s got to get up to level 50 to achieve even a fifth of what these other demons can do

edit: i totally forgot to include eunsu’s ‘demonic’ title after he was banished to the perils of hell. it’s ironically just saint, and he goes around using that bc it’s blasphemous and a big ole middle finger to god himself. nobody will know his real name, but if there’s an off chance that they do, that’s a massive threat to eunsu and he’ll get his Snipers on Scene

tl;dr:

#oddintro #. I HAVE THE POWER OF GOD AND ANIME ON MY SIDE ── / OOC. ❞#so this is. a thing!

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hrina · 8 years ago

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Model Material {Harry Styles Smut}

PAIRING: Harry/Y/N RATING: R WORD COUNT: 4500+ REQUESTED: nooo haha i’ve just been wanting to dabble in writing abt harry!

okayyyy so i’m super nervous abt posting this bc i used to write abt harry a long time ago and now i rly wanna get back into it!!! i rly truly hope u guys like it. if u do, feedback is definitely welcome! it only takes a second and it means a lot to me 💖

~*~

“Just let me see them now!”

“Nope.”

“Please? I’ll give you a week’s worth of blowjobs.”

“As tempting as that sounds, I’m gonna hold out on this one, love.”

“Harold!”

“Ooh, ‘Harold’; we’re goin’ by full names now, yeah? Am I in trouble?”

“You’re about to be,” you pouted, rolling onto your back and staring pointedly up at the ceiling. Harry chuckled softly, scooting closer to you on the bed. He reached out, his long fingers brushing against your left cheek in a pathetic attempt to sway you. You made an indignant noise of protest, twisting your head to the side and squeezing your eyes shut.

“Don’t be like that,” Harry said, his shoulders slumping; his right arm fell limply against your chest. You gasped when his palm landed squarely on your left breast, and he grinned mischievously.

Fine. You could play dirty too.

“Please?” you tried one last time, rolling over again and cuddling up to him. You burrowed your head into the crook of his neck, trailing the tip of your nose along one of the prominent veins that ran up his throat. Harry’s jugular jumped as he swallowed heavily, and you smiled to yourself.

“Please, Daddy?”

He stiffened.

“You fuckin’—,” he was on top of you in a matter of seconds. You laughed, staring up at him. His jaw was tense, lips set into a firm line, nostrils flaring and muscles rigid as he pinned your wrists above your head. His true emotions were only revealed through his eyes—weak, pleading, desperate for you to stop before he cracked.

“’S not fair, love,” your boyfriend croaked, his voice hoarse. Your eyes widened innocently.

“What’s not fair, Daddy?”

Harry shook his head, inhaling deeply. “I’m done. Goodnight.”

“What?” you broke character, watching incredulously as he rolled off of you. Your chest was heaving in anticipation, ready for him to take control, but he just shook his head once more before settling down onto the other side of the bed, as far away from you as possible. You watched his back muscles ripple beneath the light blue fabric of his shirt, your lips parting in surprise.

“We’re not doing this.” His voice was muffled as he spoke into his pillow, still facing away from you, “You’re not gonna just whip that out and convince me.”

“Harry,” you were begging now, but Harry made a warning noise low in his throat, and you clamped your mouth shut. You let out a heavy sigh, hoping to convey how disappointed you were, but your boyfriend didn’t respond. After that, you gave up for the night, turning around and hugging your pillow close to your chest. A long moment of silence followed.

“I love you,” Harry said. You rolled your eyes.

“If you love me so much, why aren’t you over here spooning me?”

“I’m not stupid, little girl. I know that ‘spooning’ isn’t all we’d be doing.”

You groaned defeatedly, shifting slightly so that your cold feet rubbed up against the burning skin of your boyfriend’s calf; Harry yelped. You smiled smugly and clutched the pillow a bit tighter against your torso, settling into a comfortable position for the night (as comfortable as you could be without Harry’s arms wrapped around you). You released a fleeting sigh.

“I love you too, I guess.”

Harry’s faint chuckles reached your ears. “Know you do.”

~*~

You set your toothbrush down, spitting into the sink one last time and turning the tap. Immediately, the rush of water ceased, and everything was silent. You padded out of your bathroom, your brow creasing when you saw that your boyfriend was missing from the queen-sized bed in the middle of your bedroom. You scanned the room, but Harry was nowhere to be found.

“Harry?” you called out, your eyebrows knitting together.

There was no reply, so you tried again, a little louder. “Harry?”

A muffled reply floated through the air, and you turned towards the open door of your bedroom. Tilting your head to the side in confusion, you padded across the room and entered the hallway, walking towards the flight of stairs—the sound of shuffling and other voices became more pronounced.

The television was on, though the volume was extremely low. You bit your lip once you descended the last step. You peered into the living room, your eyes landing on the back of Harry’s head, a dark silhouette against the screen. All the lights were closed, and the room was bathed in a green glow as he watched the baseball game, seemingly completely enraptured.

“Aren’t you coming to bed?” you asked softly. Harry shook his head.

“What’s going on?” you said, your lips turning down into a slight frown.

“’M sleeping on the couch tonight,” Harry replied, his voice low and scratchy. You balked, mouth popping open in surprise.

“I—what?” you said, keeping your voice low, “Why? Did I do something?”

At that, Harry turned around, his eyes wide. When he saw your face, he let out a small sigh, running his right hand through his short hair and motioning for you to come closer. You obeyed, circling around the couch so that you could face each other. Harry held out his hand to you, and you took it hesitantly. In an instant, he had you pulled down and planted in his lap, a shocked sound bubbling up from your throat.

“What are you doing?” you asked, peering up at him from under your eyelashes. Harry smiled softly, one of his abnormally large hands coming up to cup the back of your neck. You shivered when you felt the cool metal of his rings against your skin. He leaned in, pressing a hard, bruising kiss to your lips; you gasped at the contact.

“I’m sorry it’s come to this, pet,” he murmured, pulling back and pressing your foreheads together. You shuddered—he only ever used that term when he was especially endeared, or irreparably angry. You had no idea which circumstance this fell under, and it made you uneasy.

“Did I do something?” you repeated your earlier question, breathless from the kiss.

Harry chuckled, shaking his head. “No. But I might.”

“Harry, what the hell—?” you began, but he leaned in, kissing you again. A reedy whimper echoed in your throat, and your hands flew up to his chest, gripping the collar of his shirt in tight fistfuls. Harry seemed to be pouring every ounce of himself into the kiss, his jaw moving as he coaxed your mouth open, sliding his tongue inside.

“Wait,” you gasped, pulling back and setting a firm palm on his chest to keep him from chasing after you. “What? I’m so—what the fuck?”

Harry laughed, covering his mouth with his hand to keep from disturbing the quiet atmosphere. Your forehead creased as you stared at him, utterly lost. If you hadn’t done anything, then what was he talking about? What the hell was happening?

“Every night for the past week,” Harry began, his voice low, “You’ve tried to get me to show you the pictures. ‘M gonna crack sooner or later, so I’m just…trying to avoid it, that’s all.”

You blinked.

And then you smacked his arm. Hard.

“Ow!” Harry yelped, and the tranquility of the moment was gone.

“What the damn hell?” you said loudly, scowling. “You had me really worried for a second!”

“This is a worrisome situation!” Harry protested, but you could hear the laugh in his voice. You narrowed your eyes at him, balling your hands up into fists and crossing your arms over your chest. Harry tried to mirror your expression but eventually, the humour of the affair overtook him, and he grinned teasingly at you. Your frown only deepened, and he made a cooing sound, his right hand cupping your cheek and rubbing at the corner of your lips.

“Don’t be like that,” he said, “Smile for me, pet.”

You had to repress a shiver. His voice was low and scratchy, the kind of tone he only ever used when he had your body underneath him, your legs crammed up against your chest and your hands clawing pathetically at his back.

“No,” you grumbled, looking away. “So, you’re refusing to sleep with me because you’re afraid I’m going to pester you? That’s what this is all about?”

“What kind of ‘sleep with’ are you referring to here? ‘Cause, I mean—I’m more than willing to fu—”

“Actual sleeping, Harry,” you snapped, and Harry finally seemed to realize that you were annoyed. The smile melted from his face, and his bright eyes clouded over with concern. He stroked along your cheek, his left hand rubbing up and down your thigh comfortingly. You swallowed, avoiding his gaze.

“Why are you so upset over this?” he asked softly. You stared down at his chest, your fingers tapping out an irregular sequence on his strong pectorals. Under different circumstances, he would’ve teased you for the lack of rhythm, but he seemed to know better than to do so right now.

“Is it annoying?” you mumbled. “When I ask?”

Harry absorbed your words, and then he cocked his head to the side. “What? No, ‘course not, pet. It’s…really fuckin’ nice, if I’m being honest. I’m glad that you’re so eager.”

He chuckled, and despite your insecurities, you smiled softly. You exhaled, uncrossing your arms and running your left hand through your hair. Harry angled his body forward, puckering his lips and pressing a tender kiss to the tip of your nose. He sighed, burying his face into the crook of your neck and biting gently. You tapped his chest, a sharp gasp leaving your lips, and he smirked.

“How am I—?” you broke off, “How am I going to sleep without you spooning me?”

Your boyfriend chuckled, his tongue poking out a licking a fat stripe up the column of your neck. You yelped, recoiling and wiping at the wet spot on your skin. Fuelled by this distraction, Harry’s left hand abandoned your thigh, moving inward and cupping skillfully over the crotch of your nightwear.

Immediately, your protests died on your tongue. Harry snickered, leaning in and pressing a hot, lingering kiss to the right side of your jaw.

“How ’bout you ride my thigh? That should make you real sleepy, yeah?”

“I don’t think—,” you tried, but even you knew that your protests had no real sincerity behind them. Harry smiled, taking your earlobe between his straight, pearly teeth, and biting gently. You closed your eyes, tipping your head back and providing him with more space to torture you and leave you breathless.

“You wanna cum, love? Wanna show me how you would ride my cock?”

“Yes,” you squeaked out—he’d started rubbing against you methodically, his thumb scoping around for your clit, eager for provocation. You could feel his grin as he pressed his lips to your cheek.

“Go on then. Use my thigh. Tire yourself out for me, pet.”

~*~

“Harry!” you cried as you flew down the staircase. You held onto the banister tightly with your right hand, your left clutching a rolled-up booklet and holding it close to your chest. From the kitchen, you could hear Harry’s laughter, a sure sign that you were meant to discover the magazine underneath your pillow.

“Found it, did you?” His words were laced with humour, and he pushed himself off from where he was leaning against the counter. He turned, only to let out a startled groan when you catapulted yourself into his arms, wrapping your legs around his waist and clinging unforgivingly to his torso.

“And you liked it too, I guess,” he chuckled, his hands flying down to grip your ass. You peppered kisses along the column of his neck as he set you down onto the marble countertop; you squeaked when the cold surface met the underside of your thighs. Harry grinned, playing with the hem of your shorts and pulling away, despite your whiny protests.

“What do you think?” he asked, looking at you with inquisitive eyes. It seemed like he wanted a real answer, a comment on the camera angle, or the outfits, or the posing. You felt bad that you were unable to offer such an eloquent response just yet.

“You look so good,” you whimpered, grabbing fistfuls of his white t-shirt and searching for something else to say. “So…so…”

“Good?” Harry supplied, smirking. You didn’t bother reprimanding him, settling only for another helpless whimper and a vigorous nod. You tightened your hold on the material of his shirt, glancing at the magazine laying forgotten on the counter. He just looked so good.

“You’ve said that already, love,” Harry snickered, and you realized that you’d voiced your thoughts. You bit your lip, winding your legs around his hips loosely and pulling him closer to you. His smile faltered, eyelids drooping slightly as he recognized the look on your face—your parted lips, dilated pupils, flared nostrils as you sucked in deep breaths.

“Wow,” he said, and this time his voice was void of all mockery. “You really liked those pictures, didn’t you?”

“Yes,” you whispered, closing your eyes when you felt his hand land on your thigh, his thumb rubbing up against the soft skin on the inside of your leg. You inhaled sharply when he began moving upwards, having memorized your body and every trick that would leave you wrecked.

“Didn’t know you were so easy for it, pet,” Harry murmured, a hint of awe lacing each syllable. His hand continued travelling up your thigh, but he had slowed his pace significantly. You pressed your lips together—he was only trying to get a rise out of you, and you weren’t going to grant his wish that quickly.

“Are you wet?”

Your eyes snapped open, a faint gasp leaving your lips. Even after all this time, you didn’t think you’d ever get used to Harry’s mouth and the vulgar things that left his lips. It was him—he was fantastic at getting you riled up, at making you soak your panties using only his words. If any other man attempted such a feat, he would pale in comparison. Harry was Harry, and that was why you were currently sat here, your chest heaving and your toes curling as experienced fingers snaked up your thigh.

You realized that Harry was still waiting for an answer. Looking up, you met his eyes—there was only a thin ring of green surrounding his pupils. His lips were pursed, and he was watching you attentively. You lowered your gaze, granting him a whispered and embarrassed yes.

“Can I see?” Harry asked gruffly, “Will you let me have a peek, love?”

“M—more—,” you wheezed suddenly as Harry’s hand finally reached where you needed him most. He had abandoned his gentle actions, opting instead to grind his palm against the crotch of your shorts. You lurched forward as though you’d been punched, your hands gripping his shoulders tightly.

“What was that?” Harry said.

You squeezed your eyes shut, inhaling deeply before blurting out, “More. You—you can have more, Harry, you can have more.”

You squeaked when Harry dipped his fingers between the waistband of your shorts. He let out a surprised noise, the sound quickly melting into a groan when he realized that you weren’t wearing any panties. You leaned against him, muffling your whimpers against his left shoulder as he buried his face into the crown of your head and pressed sporadic kisses into your hair.

“So, so good to me,” he murmured. “You’re so good t’me, love.”

“Harry,” you whined, squeezing your eyes shut.

His body rumbled with a chuckle. “I know, pet. ‘M coming.”

You opened your mouth to respond, but the only sound that came out was a breathless stutter as Harry found your clit, establishing an unforgiving pace. You shuddered, tingly bolts of pleasure running through your veins as he rubbed you. Harry pressed his mouth to your temple, and you gasped when you felt his index finger swipe down your folds, circling your entrance and barely dipping inside.

“Gonna let me have it?” he asked, his lips moving against your skin. “Gonna let me take what’s mine, love?”

“Yes,” you spoke unabashedly, nodding and pressing a kiss to his left collarbone. “Take it, please take it.”

“Yeah?” Harry snickered, and you couldn’t even force yourself to be embarrassed. This had been what you wanted since you’d discovered that magazine beneath your pillow, since you’d flicked through the pages and stared at each magnificent photo with wide eyes and clenched thighs. You don’t know what had come over you—maybe it had been the satisfaction of finally being able to see what he’d been keeping from you. Maybe it had been the pent-up sexual frustration you’d been harbouring for the past few days. Or maybe it had been the pride swirling in your chest, the smile against which you’d fought as you flipped through the issue and studied each page.

“Please,” you breathed, and Harry nodded.

You pressed kisses along his neck, as he slowly slid the first finger into you. “Fuck,” he wheezed, “So tight, pet. ‘S not even my dick, but you’re...squeezing me.”

At the mention of his cock, you moaned loudly. Harry grinned, pulling back and gripping your chin with his left hand, forcing you to look up at him while his index finger pumped into you steadily. He tilted his head to the side and ran his tongue along his pink upper lip, his eyes watching you intently.

“Want that, yeah? Want my cock in your cunt?”

You moaned again, the sound prompted by both his words and the addition of another finger inside of you, stretching you open as he scissored his digits languidly. Your nails dug into his shoulders through the cotton of his t-shirt, leaving tiny crescents in their wake.

“Dont worry,” Harry told you, “I’m gonna give it to you. Haven’t been treating my girl right lately, have I?”

“S-so good,” you choked out. “You treat me—oh—so good—Harry!”

“Yeah?” he challenged, his brows creasing. “How long’s it been since I last fucked you? Too fuckin’ long, if you ask me. Dunno how I survived without it.”

“Then fuck me,” you pleaded, a mewl tumbling from your lips. Your hips began gyrating, lifting to get his fingers deeper. Harry’s thumb continued to rub relentlessly against your clit, making you shudder as bolts of electricity danced up your spine. You tried to lean forward against him once more, but he stopped you.

“Wanna see your face when you cum, love.”

Your bottom lip quivered, and you shook your head. “Don’t—don’t wanna cum like this. Not yet.”

“No?” Harry cocked an eyebrow. “How do you wanna cum, then? Tell me.”

You pursed your lips, inhaling deeply as he curled his fingers inside of you. He connected with that special spot, and your eyebrows flew up, an abrupt shout leaving you. Harry grinned, and you panted, gripping his biceps tightly and trying to steady your breathing. He was such a tease.

“You gotta tell me, love,” Harry mused, “How am I supposed to know what you want if you don’t speak up?”

“You’re such a—,” you growled.

“Think that’s wise, pet? I am in control of your orgasm, y’know.”

You pouted, slumping backwards. You twitched when Harry repeated his previous action, the pads of his fingers pressing firmly against a spot inside of you that had you momentarily seeing white. Your right hand left his bicep, shooting down and gripping the edge of the counter—you were desperate, needing something solid to keep you from losing your mind and succumbing to the hot feeling that pooled in the pit of your stomach.

“I want—,” you inhaled shakily, “I want you to fuck me. P-please.”

You hated how your voice faltered on the last word, but it seemed to be enough for Harry. He smirked, retracting his fingers from your slick passage and giving your clit a light tap. You whimpered, and his smirk elongated into a grin, stretching the corners of his lips and presenting his dimple to you.

“Asked so nicely, love. ‘M gonna fuck you, don’t worry.”

With those words, he gripped the waistband of your shorts, tugging them down your hips. You lifted your bottom half, hoping to facilitate his movements, and within a few moments, you were kicking the offending material away. Harry reached for his own bottoms, yanking the elastic of his sweatpants down. You froze, eyeing the way his cock slapped up against his covered stomach—so he hadn’t been wearing underwear either.

“I want it,” you whimpered, reaching for him. It was suddenly like you couldn’t breathe, the desperation making you feel incomplete without him inside, filling you up.

Harry swore under his breath, gripping his cock as he stepped closer to you. You wrapped your arms around his neck, guiding him down to you and kissing him for the first time that night. He squeezed your hips appreciatively, his lips soft and plush against your own. You sighed happily when his tongue swiped against your mouth, silently requesting permission. You parted your lips, allowing him entry for only a moment before you were pulling back, fingers gripping the collar of his shirt.

“Get this off,” you begged.

Harry reached for the hem, his fingers brushing yours as he did so. You leaned back as he hauled the material over his head, balling it up and tossing it to the side. Your hands trailed down to rest on his chest, over the two swallows that had been permanently inked into his skin. You scratched at the design lightly, and Harry leaned forward, pressing another short yet passionate kiss to your lips.

“I’ve not got a rubber on me,” he told you.

You shook your head, “Don’t need it. Please, just—”

“Okay, okay,” Harry soothed you before you could begin pleading with him again. He pressed his forehead to yours, your noses brushing gently.

“Need to feel you,” he grunted, and you thought you sensed a hint of hysteria in his voice. He reached down, aligning his cock with your opening and pushing inside at a painfully slow pace. You threw your head back at the sensation of him filling you to the brim, your walls stretching around him and pulsing to accommodate the intrusion.

“F-fuck,” Harry breathed, stilling once he was fully sheathed within you. You shifted, moving so that you could wrap your legs around him, pulling him deeper inside of you. You both groaned at the alteration, Harry pressing his face into your hair and you kissing his jugular, nuzzling against him as you adjusted to having him inside of you for the first time in a few days.

“M-move,” you mumbled after a few long moments. Now that you were comfortable, the anguished feeling was back, demanding that he make you feel it. You wanted to be sore.

Harry obeyed, placing his hands on your hips and slowly pulling back. You exhaled, blinking rapidly as he did so, your walls squeezing down on nothing. He continued until the head of his cock was the only part of him still hidden within you. You looked up at him with parted lips, but before you could speak, he was driving back into you, rocking your body backwards and making you cry out.

“My God!” you squeaked. Harry inhaled sharply, slowly grinding his hips inside of you. You looped your arms around his neck, your fingers disappearing into his short, curly hair. You pressed your lips against his shoulder, trying to keep in any sounds that were crawling up your throat.

“Fucking good,” Harry was mumbling fiercely into your ear. “You feel…so fuckin’ good, pet. Got—,” he broke off into a gasp, “—got real tight for a second there.”

“C-can,” you stammered, squeezing your eyes shut, “I can feel you, Harry, I can feel you.”

“’S kind of the point, love,” Harry choked out a laugh, only to cut himself off with a heaving breath a moment later. You ran your fingers through his hair, reflexively grabbing a fistful and yanking when he adjusted your position. He gripped your thighs, hands travelling down to the crook of your knees and pulling them higher up on his waist. You mewled when he pumped back inside, immediately hitting that same spot that his fingers had teased not long ago.

“Is it good?” you whispered, “Is it good for you?”

Harry let out a breathless laugh. “It’s—fuck—it’s perfect, love. You’re perfect. Squeezing me so well, I’m gonna cum soon.”

“Then cum,” you said, “I wanna feel it.”

Harry shook his head. “Not before you. You know that.”

“Please,” you whimpered, “Harry, please. Wanna—wanna feel it inside of me. I wanna—”

You broke off, pursing your lips. Harry seemed to sense that you were holding back, because he pulled away, coaxing you to look at him. “What is it, love? Tell me.”

You looked down at his chest, not wanting to meet his eyes. The words seemed so foreign and taboo on your tongue, but they left a sweet taste that you craved. You could only imagine Harry’s reaction, and it was something you were dying to witness. You blinked, pressing a kiss to his chin before meeting his gaze.

“I wanna feel it drip out of me.”

For a moment, the only sounds that could be heard were the slapping of skin and the shakiness of breaths. Harry stared at you, processing your words, his green eyes wide with shock. And then—

“Oh, fuck!”

He slumped against you, his palms smacking against the counter to keep himself standing. You watched in awe as his eyes closed, eyebrows lifting in pure euphoria. His nose twitched, lips parting perfectly. It was then that you felt the first twitch of his cock, the first spurt of come painting your walls. Harry rode out his high, the veins in his neck pulsing and his lips moulding around soundless curses. He leaned into you, and you kissed his cheeks, his forehead, his nose.

“I—,” his voice was thick, eyes remaining closed as he fought to catch his breath, “I fuckin’…love you.”

“I love you,” you whispered, pressing a quick kiss to his lips. His eyes fluttered open slowly, and he blinked languidly, as though he was trying to regain his bearings. When he saw you, something flashed in his irises, and he shakily pushed himself up, swallowing heavily.

“You gotta cum,” he told you. You opened your mouth to protest, but then his thumb was back on your clit, and the tight knot in your stomach exploded.

You shuddered, your toes curling and your body twitching as pleasure splintered through you. You tipped your head back, ankles locking together behind Harry as your vision blurred over and your fingers dug into his biceps. Harry pressed himself against you, murmurs of good girl, my good girl and doing so well for me, pet reaching your ears.

“You—,” you began, blinking slowly after a few quiet moments, “—you look so good.”

~*~

if you enjoyed this piece, please consider donating to my ko-fi! thank you bunches <3

#okay wow im nervous abt this!!! i hope it doesn't flop bc i rly wanna write more of harry #harry styles smut #harry styles imagine #one direction smut #one direction imagine #harry smut #harry imagine #idk who to tag tbh!!!#askyofdiamonds #permanentcross #starrprincess #yikes i srsly dunno who else oh well!!#harry writing

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sickrent · 8 years ago

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i’ve had a day to absorb what the hell happened. so here’s some rando incoherent super extra thoughts about t2 and sr ***spoilers:

i still can’t believe sick boy and renton are endgame ? and people who haven’t seen the movie are asking us for the details, and i literally cannot bring myself to spoil them abt it.. the whole movie is such an adventure and where it ends up exceeded all of my expectations??

i’m such a tspot stan, and i am completely satisfied with what happened. there’s been mumbles about t3 happening, and i’m like ??? well there’s no need to. the movie completely diverted off of canon... and i’m genuinely shocked at how okay i am that there won’t be another movie.. i’ve invested yeaaaars of my life into the trainspotting series and characters and i cannot stress how much it has meant to me. and their cinematic stories are completely done now. and i am okay. it’s all thanks to that ending man!!

j and i desperately wanted porno to happen, regardless of how shite it was. regardless of how miserable we were about it. like, in terms of sickrent, if you read porno, it had such an abysmal ending.. *SPOILERS warning again he runs off with the money. again. leaves sick boy by himself. and sick boy cries. and smashes his face in. good content for angst fics, but sickrent is obviously not endgame. and the subsequent books Confirm that they don’t cross paths again. (irvine ships franco x mark tbh) and i hatelove mark so much because he’s despicable and that’s why he’s sick boy’s perfect match he didn’t learn a single thing in those 10 years. and Everybody Hates Simon ™

so imagine my face when i saw veronika getting the money + mark and simon sitting on that couch together. perfectly content in each other’s company. bless ewan cause he says he really likes that shot.

simon and mark can do what ever they want now. money’s gone, but that hasn’t stopped them in the past!!

overall, i was fucking moved by simon and spud's forgiveness. despite the years apart and the ultimate betrayal, they still saved mark’s life. if i have to describe t2 i literally would say it’s about friendship and love lmfao.

also my only real t2 wank as a stan is: in the original trainspotting movie commentary, it was confirmed sick boy’s narrative was cut . porno IS simon’s story.. and here we are once again, t2 isn’t centralized around him. but don’t get me wrong, i think t2 was definitely stronger for the whole cast collectively.

tl;dr i love that they left it open ended enough for fans to fill in the gaps and in that regard, sickrent is canon.

#take this all w a grain of salt #maybe my shipping goggles are on too tight #let me live my life!!!!!!!!!!#sickrent #***#personal #i'm so extra and this is a hot mess of feelings

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monochromerose · 8 years ago

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Undertale Ramblings/Headcanons

this will be extremely spoiler-heavy for all runs of the game, mostly pacifist and no mercy: DON’T READ UNLESS YOU’RE WILLING TO HAVE THE GAME SPOILER OR HAVE BEATEN MOST RUNS

Okay so. starting with souls. based on the in-game information abt the souls carrying different qualities (patience, bravery, integrity, etc.) it seems like there are only seven traits associated with different souls and, to break the barrier, one soul of each trait would need to be collected by the monsters. at least, HUMAN souls only have seven traits- monster souls seem to be the wildcards, seeing as Asriel was able to use the six human souls and all of the monster souls to break the barrier

All the monsters who turn the player's soul different colors seem to be lacking in that quality. papyrus and sans turn frisk's soul dark blue: integrity, and that relates to honesty and moral character. papyrus exaggerates parts of himself in hopes of being liked, going against honesty, and sans doesn't do anything abt the player killing anyone until he and asgore are literally THE ONLY monsters left

Papyrus is very,,, out there? he isn't very true to himself and is (sort of) willing to lie to get ppl to like him. Sans is kind of a mess. he's only willing to step up and do smth abt the player's no mercy route until, as said, he is one of two monsters left in the entire underground (with the exception of ppl u don't see during no mercy like alphys and the amalgamates). he knows more than he lets on and acts like he has strong morals but only seems to care about the safety of his brother and himself, which is understandable, but the player can literally murder him even in a neutral route and he won't do anything abt it at all

tl;dr papyrus and sans both need to learn the lesson of integrity but sans more than papyrus, in some ways

However! both of them have another SOUL quality that they fit: patience and kindness. Sans is p much known for procrastinating and not caring, but he's willing to wait and see what the player does on a no mercy route in hopes that they'll give up. his fight at the end is ridiculously difficult because he's willing to wait until the player gets bored or infuriated enough that they reset and start the game over again, hopefully for a better ending. his downfall was the fact that he cheated the fight system (which would be against the themes of integrity he needs to learn/lacks) to "attack" twice in one turn, giving the player that opportunity as well

Papyrus is more simple. he seems self-absorbed, but he's extremely kind and good-hearted. notice how even on pacifist, when all the other bosses can kill you (and will, with the semi-exception of toriel, who takes some skill to die to) papyrus literally stops the fight when you have one HP left? thus giving you an opportunity to prepare and try again. even undyne talks about how he's too kind on the player's ""date" with her: "he'd get ripped to smiling shreds" is a quote that comes to mind

And even still, on no mercy, he dies smiling and tries to convince the player that they can still change and become "a better person" (fun fact: i have stopped many a no mercy run here bc i didn't have the heart to kill papyrus). his downfall is the result of both his integrity (which, while he has more of it than sans, still needs to learn its lessons) and kindness. on a neutral run, when you're trying to kill him (if you are), once he reaches a certain amount of health he'll give you the option to spare him willingly.

In no mercy, as mentioned, he dies trying to make the player a better person and sparing them from the start- he was kind to someone who took advantage of it, and wasn't willing to fight back in a way that would injure or kill the player because it went against his values

Okay this got long so i'll just talk about the nature of souls and save files now. human souls on their own are quite powerful: the defining trait that their soul represents has no influence on the actual power of the soul, just how the human in question uses it. monster souls are jack of all trades- they're magically oriented and adaptable to the natures of others, but weaker. human souls are the only thing powerful enough to create a save file, with only one exception, flowey.

Alphys gave flowey not a soul, but the will to live, and that will became stronger than the magic of all the monster souls in the underground, even the souls of boss monsters. flowey's will to live, being stronger than monster souls in the fact that alphys literally extracted determination from the human souls and gave it to him, allowed him to create a type of save file. monster souls don't have 'determination' on their own, only humans do, so no 'true-born' monster, without the help of a human soul, could create a save.

The power to save is based on what being has the strongest SOUL power, and seeing as determination is the essence of human souls, Flowey would have the most. while Flowey doesn’t have a soul, human souls are stronger than monster souls. his will to live is made up of the determination that allows human souls to persist after death, leaving him with the most and strongest SOUL power.

However, human souls are stronger than just their “determination”. thus, even though flowey could create a save, as soon as a human fell down, he would lose his power to save and reset.

At least one human had to have fallen down and died in the underground for flowey to exist. When Chara died and Asriel absorbed their soul, he went out into the human world with the combined power of his and Chara’s souls. The humans wounded him enough that when he returned underground, he died almost immediately, and his dust spread through the palace garden. Chara’s SOUL died with Asriel, so Alphys could not have extracted the determination from their soul.

It is believed in-game that the essence of a monster will live on through their dust, so a monster’s dust is spread on whatever said monster loved most so they can be one with it. When Asriel died, and his dust ended up on the flowers (including the first flower that bloomed, which Alphys used to create flowey), his essence was kept on through them. This is why, when given the power of seven human souls, Flowey returns back to Asriel’s form. The power of that many souls returns a soulless being to a form which the soulless form only contains some of the essence of. That’s also why it takes so many souls in the first place.

Back to Flowey’s save- a human soul is more than determination. It also contains the trait that the human is strongest in, and the general power of the soul that monsters have less of. In Frisk’s case, as their SOUL trait is determination, their determination is stronger than the rest of the human souls’. So although Flowey has the determination of human souls and is stronger in terms of soul power because of it, the soul power is still outweighed by a human’s. As soon as a human falls into the underground, Flowey would lose his power to save and reset. When said human dies, their soul doesn’t have a form to harness its power, giving Flowey back the power to save.

SAVE files, like SOULs, are a magical portion of the world in Undertale. However, they only exist in the underground. Because the underground was sealed away from the human world, the latter advanced and moved away from the power of SOULs and magic at least somewhat, while monsters didn’t and couldn’t. SAVE files are a physical manifestation of a being’s SOUL power. The power of a human soul, called by Alphys “the resolve to change fate”, creates a literal point in time that the human can return to by the power of their SOUL.

Whoever is in possession of a SAVE file can also choose to reset it. With strong enough SOUL power, one can literally move themselves to another timeline where the contents of their SAVE hadn’t happened yet. This does not fully erase the memories of those affected unless a TRUE RESET is performed. When the ultimate goal of a human is reached (leaving the underground, for example), they can choose to carry out a TRUE RESET. Unlike a normal reset, which can be done at any point of a human’s journey as long as they have a SAVE file, TRUE RESETs can only happen once a human has achieved their ultimate goal.

The difference between a normal reset and a TRUE RESET, besides the fact that the latter can only occur under specific conditions, is that a TRUE RESET erases everything. Every save that a human has reset ceases to exist, along with the memories of all those in said saves. Beings without strong enough SOUL power (that is to say Flowey) cannot ever perform a TRUE RESET.

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