#about what you can do with these identities that the cishet white man cant

[aia-prima-raufton]

Keeping the tags because they're so important. Also, reading this made me realize now why it was so easy for Breaking Bad fans to pin down Skyler White as the villain of the show.

male gaze is not 'when person look sexy' or 'when misogynist make film'

death of the author is not 'miku wrote this'

I don't think you have to read either essay to grasp the basic concepts

death of the author means that once a work is complete, what the author believes it to mean is irrelevant to critical analysis of what's in the text. it means when analysing the meaning of a text you prioritise reader interpretation above author intention, and that an interpretation can hold valid meaning even if it's utterly unintentional on the part of the person who created the thing. it doesn't mean 'i can ignore that the person who made this is a bigot' - it may in fact often mean 'this piece of art holds a lot of bigoted meanings that the author probably wasn't intentionally trying to convey but did anyway, and it's worth addressing that on its own terms regardless of whether the author recognises it's there.' it's important to understand because most artists are not consciously and vocally aware of all the possible meanings of their art, and because art is communal and interpretive. and because what somebody thinks they mean, what you think somebody means, and what a text is saying to you are three entirely different things and it's important to be able to tell the difference.

male gaze is a cinematographic theory on how films construct subjectivity (ie who you identify with and who you look at). it argues that film language assumes that the watcher is a (cis straight white hegemonically normative) man, and treats men as relatable subjects and women as unknowable objects - men as people with interior lives and women as things to be looked at or interacted with but not related to. this includes sexual objectification and voyeurism, but it doesn't mean 'finding a lady sexy' or 'looking with a sexual lens', it means the ways in which visual languages strip women of interiority and encourage us to understand only men as relatable people. it's important to understand this because not all related gaze theories are sexual in nature and if you can't get a grip on male gaze beyond 'sexual imagery', you're really going to struggle with concepts of white or abled or cis subjectivities.

[steakout-05]

i might get some hate for this depending on where this post goes but i think lesboys are so valid and the discourse about them is so ridiculous. like you guys shouldn't have to deal with all that and it frustrates me that people throw hissy fits over an identity that literally does not affect them at all.

"but men cant be lesbians-" wrong. butch lesbians and trans men have a really closely connected history with each other that practically intersects and you should really do some research on that before you make blanket statements, not to mention that gender and sexuality is weird and wobbly and fluid and a very personal experience. it means a different thing to each person. being a man can be something completely different and saying stuff like this ignores people like demiboys, demigirls, genderfluid and genderflux people etc. these people will really preach "demolish the gender binary!! love is love!!" until someone's relationship with gender and sexuality is a little too freaky for them to handle and be challenged by lmaoo

"ohhh but what about the cishet men who say they're lesbians to prey on women-" YEAH WHAT ABOUT THEM????? THIS AIN'T ABOUT THEM BRO!!!!! this argument also REEKS of terfy "trans women are just predatory men!!!111!!1" rhetoric and it grosses me out. yeah some men are gross and do try to pull this but that does not negate someone's entire identity completely just because of a few bad actors, you know that right? actual black and white behaviour.

queer discourse is silly and i don't know why it's a thing. just let people exist. it isn't that hard. we have worse things to worry about than whether someone calls themselves a lesboy or not. i think we need to unplug our ears and yank our heads out of the sand and remember that the queer community is what it is because of our unique and amazing diversity. arguing over labels like school children isn't gonna help that. damn.

[charmanderxerneas]

I can't sleep and i was having thoughts about Scott cawthon and fnaf. Lets ramble while im sleep deprived at 5 am. I have a weird perspective because i still think its okay to like fnaf and i dont think scott is the WORST person in the world, but i also dont think hes great and i think the fnaf fandom reacted very shittily. You can think of you will of me and my opinionz but i totally do understand and think youre justified if you disagree and think that fnaf is bad to support because of scott

(What the fuck where is the "read more" option on mobile.... Fuck it)

The whole drama with scott cawthon like. Last year. Was really fucking disheartening. As a fnaf fan who happens to be bigender and queer, seeing a majority of the stupid fucking fnaf fans immediately go "we support you scott you did nothing wrong!!" While being shitty to actual trans and queer people who were rightfully upset... I can't even put into words how disheartening and awful that is, i think those who jumped on the "i stand with scott" bandwagon should frankly feel ashamed.

I also understand that a majority of fnaf fans are kids and some were probably too young to understand the nuance of it all. It felt like their favorite game series was being attacked! And they wanted to feel like they could still like the game, so when scott made his super shitty response they were all like "its okay we forgive you" even though they weren't necessarily the ones able to make that call (not saying a cishet white person cant forgive Scott cawthon, just that they should listen to and seriously consider the voices of queer people or poc or anyone else who is harmed by the polititions he donated to.) But ultimately, being young isnt an excuse for excusing bad things.

Scott isnt the best person. And by supporting him, you do in a way support the shitty politicians he donates to.

However, i dont actually think scott is like. 100% completely immoral. Im going to be very generous here: this next paragraph is just giving him the entire benefit of the doubt and playing devils advocate, so feel free to disregard it: but hes not as bad as joanne rowling or anthing. He doesnt activly go out of his way to spread hatespeech, hasnt filled his game with antisemitism and homophobia and transphobia like she has, and by all accounts seems to be a nice guy who has been caring to queer fans, even if he is a Republican. I don't necessarily think being a Republican makes you an evil person. Yes, if youre extreme about it you are an evil person, but like. Im sure many of us have Republican family members you wouldnt necessarily call evil. Like, i have a wonderful grandma whos a Republican but she also fuckin hates trump and supports me and my identity and is generally a good person. I also think its worth mentioning that a lot of Republicans didnt like trump, but felt like they had to vote for him because they were Republican.

Now im not saying that last bit applies to scott cawthon: hes said he voted for trump so Yikes Man. He did support trump and other bad politicians, and in doing so he supported the terrible policys they push forward. Thats awful. And thats what makes him not the best person. More fnaf fans should consider that.

Finally: even if scott is bad, i don't think its bad to still like and play the fnaf games. Like i mentioned before, the politics of all that arent really written into fnaf and its story (claims to be pro life, makes a game where all the kids die anyways 😳). Scott has basically given steel wool the games now (even if he is still behind the scenes😔). And i dont think you're a bad person if you like. Buy fnaf merch and the games (yeah it sucks that in some way you are supporting someone who financially supports bad policies... But i can also see some removal from it simply because in this society today it is near impossible to not support Any Business Or Person that supports a Republican... In america at least, like half of our stores/businesses go towards that shit)

Sorry for this rant over i need some sleep i have a final paper due tomorrow that i havent started and im going to denver and im sleep deprived. FUCK

[mueritos]

What is wrong with being colonised? Colonization is a thing of the past man, let it go. It was wrong, but had it not happened you wouldn't be here. You're not the Metis boy taken away from his family and forced to adopt a new cultural identity, you and your culture are the product of the exchange between different societies. It looks more like you, who was shunned by white cishet Americans, are looking for a community and an identity somewhere else.

wow what a fucked up thing to say considering me and my culture are a product of a violent, devastating, and irreparable “exchange” that resulted in the fall of entire civilizations and the deaths of thousands of indigenous Mexicans. Indigenous Mexicans continue to suffer from colonization, colonization has never ended, and to add like it has is not only wrong, but its an incredibly privileged take to have. Colonization continues to affect me and my culture and my community NOW. sorry i strive toward decolonization and that i cannot separate centuries of my country being ripped apart by Europeans from my identity now lol. I have never felt like my identity is tied to the US, I knew I was Mexican long before I knew I was American, trans, gay, etc. I cant and wont let go of the past because doing so means forgetting about my indigenous ancestors, it means ignoring my friends’ Mexica and Oaxaca and indigenous identities, and it means forgetting that my pale skin gives me an advantage over colorism in regards to my darker skinned latinos. I hope YOU can let go of your embarrassing way of thinking. All im trying to do is expand my community and continue honoring Indigenous communities, if anything, people with ideas like yours only want to shrink your worldview.

[omegawolverine]

👀 mcc discourse? /gen

okay mcc discourse time everyone strap in

the three things i see people being pissed about most often are the lack of lgbt+ people in the event, the specific lgbt+ creators playing and, of course, technoblade being involved. so, let's break down why all three of these things are fucking dumb.

1) "there isnt enough lgbt+ creators".

this would be a fair argument that i could get behind...if not for the way mcc is set up for this specific event—and by that i mean it is a youtube sponsored event. the ccs involved need to have platforms on youtube to be able to participate to begin with, as it is a charity event. mcc doesn't have a lot of lgbt+ streamers involved this time around because a lot of those streamers straight up could not stream this event and scott literally said this himself.

on top of that, this isnt a "get invited and you can play!" event, it is a "you need to apply to be involved" event, meaning, if people dont meet the deadline, or they dont apply at fucking all, they cant play. that's not on fucking scott or anyone organizing mcc, that is on the ccs (if they even wanna be involved, i could not blame them for avoiding mcc after last times mess) who didnt apply in time/at all.

2) "there isnt enough diversity in the lgbt+ streamers" aka "im erasing people's identities and, again, disregarding the literal qualifications for this mcc which include having a youtube platform"

i keep seeing people bring up how every lgbt+ person in mcc is white and able bodied and neurotypical etc etc (which is an inaccurate statement anyways) as reasons why they "arent good enough" or they're bringing up how there "isnt any of [x] sexuality/gender involved" as if that's the organizers faults and i uh. i hate to break it to yall but, again, this is an apply to get in event. if these ccs that were "more diverse" (bc why the fuck are we referring to these ccs playing in fucking minecraft championship as some weird ass diversity characters instead of real life people who are more than their race, disability, etc.) met the requirements and were lgbt+ but just didnt apply, while a lot of other white, cis, neurotypical, able bodied, whatever the fuck else, did? yeah. nobody can change that. scott didnt just pick and chose who gets to play, there are literal rules for this event and also applications that are involved like?? hello????? and obviously i would love to see some more lgbt+ creators from different backgrounds with different identities in the cast, that would be awesome, but that is ultimately not up to the organizers. they cant force people to play. they cant skip people in the waiting lists. they can't have people who cant stream be involved in this mcc as their first event, both because it would be sad for them not to stream their first mcc and because it is a literal charity event.

and, to make things worse, a lot of people are saying there "isnt any trans people this mcc" which is just. a blatant lie. eret isnt cis and sqiashey is genderfluid, yall just dont like eret so you decide to refer to her as a "cis man" constantly, which is transphobic, and yall also dont know sqiashey so instead of doing research, you started running ur mouths and then didn't apologize when you got called on it.

like. even if eret was truly problematic, which i dont believe they are as they have apologized for every little mistake theyve made and dealt with the backlash from entitled little privileged teenagers online all while not complaining even the slightest bit, that still doesnt give you a right to misgender them and erase their identity as a non cis person entirely because you're mad over a fucking minecraft event like??? how fucking privileged you must be that this is what gets you heated. not any actual homophobia or transphobia, but apparently "lgbt+ people in minecraft not being diverse enough". choke.

3) "technoblade is a lesphobe, why is he in mcc"

tw on this section: i discuss my expierences with homophobia as an afab nblw briefly and reclaim the d slur (if you wanna read this section and avoid the homophobia discussion and/or d slur, skip from "as someone who is nblw" to "techno making a shitty joke").

all of techno's lesphobic comments are from 5+ years ago and were, at worst, jokes in poor taste. as someone who is nblw, i have had men follow me and my friend around and call us dykes for holding hands in a museum, i have had my family members harrass me for my sexuality and casually talk about how im gross and wrong for liking girls and i have been punished by literal teachers for showing "too much pda" with my past girlfriends despite the fact that ive never even kissed someone on campus before, just held hands and hugged. techno making some shitty jokes when he was a teenager years ago, while also having a plethora of examples of him being an lgbt+ ally, which does include lesbians, should not be treated the same way as literal bigots calling queer people slurs. and if you think it should be, you have had it fucking lucky.

yes, it is valid to be upset over these jokes, they're fucking weird and he shouldnt have made them, but to treat it with the exact same seriousness as a grown ass adult showing blatant homophobia in current times? no. fuck no.

extra notes bc there's some minor discourse points i left out: no, dream team shouldnt get to be involved in this event over other cishet ccs involved just because they have bigger platforms because this quite literally isnt about them, it's about lgbt+ people and they just didnt happen to get in. shut the fuck up. stop mentioning ant and velvet as people who shouldve been involved, they're quite literally together rn doing little daytrips and shit and they most likely dont wanna spend their time together playing fucking minecraft. also, stop saying techno should be replaced with ranboo (or anyone for that matter), it breaks ranboo's fucking boundaries and him donating 100k to the trevor project doesnt suddenly mean he gets to skip the mcc waiting list.

in conclusion: twitter stop whining over pride mcc, your privilege is showing.

(tagging @tauntwenthome bc you said you wanted to hear as well <3)

[overdramatics]

i think fan content created by cishets who fetishize queer relationships has had a huge impact on a lot of the current community, at least online. i say this because it affected me a lot too; when i was 14 i didn't realize that all those popular gay ships weren't by actual sgl people but by cishet people, so i bought into it. the terminology and “representation” the used and created had a big impact on the way i viewed queer relationships as well as the terminology i used. maybe the most direct example of this is that phrase we’ve all heard- “you're such a bottom/they’re such a bottom.” I’m going to assume that we all know why this doesn't make sense since it has been deconstructed many times so i wont explain why ~being a bottom~ is in no way a personality trait or something you can tell about a person just by the way they look/act since this is information you can easily access by a quick search if you’re unaware.

throughout any fandom within the past several years (i would say 10 years but that does feel like a stretch, somewhere between 5 and 10) you can find a multitude of cishet girls taking any short and/or feminine guy character or real life person and calling them a bottom. taking any two skinny white men (fictional or real) and instantly shipping them, not because there is real chemistry or they genuinely care about good representation but for obvious reasons that... aren't those things. young teenagers who are entering online fandom spaces having recently started coming to terms with their sexuality/romantic orientation haven't quite gotten to the point where they can be critical of online spaces or the content they interact with and who that content is created by. all they see is a place where gay relationships aren't treated as disgusting, so they practically instantly embrace these spaces*. again, at this point they basically cant be critical of the media they consume and the contexts its created under, so they end up getting so much of their “representation” from cishet content creators (especially since it can be difficult to know that the content you’re consuming is a fetishized version of queerness created by cishet people if you dont know what good rep looks like or the identities of the creators you follow).

i am not the right person to go in depth in this aspect of it (I’m white, tme, and nblm), but it needs to be noted that fetishized content and its creators are often very white, which is why mlmoc/nblmoc are rarely seen in these spaces, they’re erased and if recognized its often only through harmful stereotypes. also it needs to be noted that wlw/nblw and trans fem people are vilified in these spaces while (white) mlm/nblm and trans mascs are infantalized and fetishized.

hopefully its started to get better recently, but i don't know since I’m largely removed from fandom spaces. the only “fandom” I’m in is mcr and even then i follow very few creators and they are all in some way lgbtq+ and I’m pretty sure many are poc. so idk the current state of fandoms abroad bc i mainly follow blogs who are critical of this kind of thing. i do hope that fandoms across the internet have become more critical of the content produced within them and of the creators producing content. I think the best way to solve this issue is to help young queer people entering fandom spaces know what the red flags of infantalizing/fetishizing queer relationships looks like and point them towards good lgbtq+ creators as well as creators of color.

the reason that this is such an issue, beyond people annoyingly calling every feminine and/or short man a bottom or every white gay man they see a twink, is that it erases decades of queer culture and allows cishets to define our language. im sure it especially impacts black queer history as well (eg; white lesbians calling themselves “studs” when that is a black exclusive term). and dont get me wrong, im not specifically blaming young teens who simply dont know better for this issue existing. and, since im afraid that some terf or exclusionist hopping on this post, when i say cishet i am not reffering to trans fems or ace/aro people “”””polluting the community””””” so dont start with that, i am talking about the issues that come with predominately white cisgender heterosexual people fetishizing and infantalizing mlm/nblm while erasing queer terms and history that have existed for decades and vilifying wlw/nblw, trans fems, poc, and people who are more than one of those.

TL;DR: unfortunately very young people are impressionable and not critical of the communities and content they interact with, this has caused a shift in (mainly) online queer spaces.

*as a clarification, when i refer to “spaces”/”these spaces” throughout this post i am talking about fandoms, or certain corners of fandoms, that are mainly comprised of white cishet people where most of the content and the center of focus is shipping two male characters (or real people), most of the time they are white, skinny, actually straight (not mlm/nblm), and if not already fitting into male+female gender roles they get put into those roles (there is one feminine one and one masculine one). for examples, think of destiel and like any band ever (ryden, petekey, frerard, etc.)

[bagilgulhaze]

MAYBE ITS BECAUSE, RADFEM CIRCLES ARE INHERENTLY ANTI FEMME/BUTCH CULTURE? SCREAAAAM. IMAGINE HATING TRANS WOMEN SO MUCH THAT YOU DONT CARE THAT IDEOLOGY YOU ASSOCIATE YOURSELF WITH DOESN'T FALL IN LINE WITH THE WAY YOU IDENTIFY ("FEMME'OK LMAO)

1. Feminine women using make up etc aren't oppressed by ACTUALLY GNC women. And bc you're dumb and white and cis and radfem, there isn't point of saying how hyper feminine behaviour is associated often with the presentation of certain WOC, lower socio economic class women, and TRANS women. Who are then VILIFIED by TERFS (mainly, trans women) for "LITERALLY cooperating with the patriarchy for putting make up on or having long acrylyc nails or whatsoever". Because you wouldn't care about any of that.

The fakes you call radfem butches aren't doing it because they're misogynistic femme oppressing butches. "Gender nonconformity" is praised, in white women, in cis women, and when it's just the right amount to still be aactually very conforming, and not, you know, "actually crazy dysphoric man-copying butch". Like, again. The entire Radfem agenda !?

How can you be femme when it sees the femme and butch identities for those reasons as sexist heterosexuality emulating and regressive! With complete disregard to other cultures of color. The entire radfe ideology is informed by racism and classism stated as neutral things. What a woman is, is completely based on those standards in which everyone is judged. Not to talk about, of course, trans women who are outright shunned, not secretly, and ignored from the "female experience" (and prosecuted).

Then ignoring how often all those things appear together in butch/femme spaces (butch femme culture as something that was formed in the bar scene with lower class communities of color?! Hello!? Even around the world wherever this culture naturally was adopted its usually not white and lower class and very trans inclusive, from my experience).

2. And by everyone who doesn't paste the word feminist over it and tries to explain it that way, it's just treated as trashy, and less enlightened and progressive to appear hyper feminine by the same women who also conform to femininity, white cis middle upper class femininity that registers in many cultures as less hyper feminine, so they get creds for being more GNC while being AS gender conforming with their make up-less face and wide clothes and short but still feminine haircuts, just by their cultures standards.... which again, the radfem agenda is informed by since it's made out of white upper middle class cis women.

Like, yeah, my mom totally outside of radfem circles and ideaology, get talked down to at work despite being the manager that makes most profit compared to her male counterparts but also compared to her white, cishet, pants wearing no make up on no heels female counterpart. They treat her like a little girl and with less respect and unfairly dismiss her often. Is it because she puts make up on and is feminine and being feminine, as a cis woman gets you discriminated ? no. It's because she is VISIBLY. BROWN. And her hyper feminine appearance doesnt assimilate to ashkenazi white femininity standards and seen as REGRESSIVE. YOU ALL are SO thick. If my mom was ACTUALLY GNC by ashkie standards or so was her female coworker? They would get SHIT for it.

3. Those bitches you call butch bc they dont put make up on or whatever aren't butches, and if they're cis "butches" who care more about hating trans women then being in spaces that respect them, then definitely those places dont praise them, if a butch dare be dysphoric, she is mentally I'll. This isn't a valid experience. If a butch binds and buzz her hair and packs shes trying to be a man. What's wrong with your vagina? Why are you trying to be a man? Its internalized misogyny. No, terfs spaces dont praise butches, nor do they praise femmes (neither do you it seems, by the way you view those topics) because they're inherently anti butch/femme culture.

4. Butch/femme spaces I've been to, have been constantly the most accepting to hyper (brown&black, lower class, in your face) femininity lol. Whenever you see a space with actual butches you would look around and see lesbians and bi women with crop tops and bright red lipstick and long neon acrylic nails who wrap around their butches. It's the queer spaces I get LEAST looks for being a femme, because it's not seen as anti-queer straight or problematic and unattractive. There isn't a sense of superiority from white western-GNC queers that look down at it (and would, admittedly, look down at the butches too.but they're not regressive for appearing feminine but usually for adopting mannerisms associated with brown and lower class people (men). As the femmes do with mannerism of women... ) so as you can see... even not radfem spaces it's still about racism, and classism.

5. And these are just about the two topics radfem dont claim proudly to exclude (lower class and woc). Trans women, who's safety usually depends on passing but also again, are held to much higher standard of femininity in order to conform and cant walk with sweatpants, no make up and sneakers and be as conforming as a cis white lady (...thin. did I mention thin lol all connects doesnt it...amazing how it's not femephobia on every aspect) would, isn't more backwards and regressive for doing any of that but again lost fight bc shes just another "man" who is part of the patriarchy, which is even worse than "females" who are co operating with it.

Edit: sex workers too. Apply to all of it. Same criticism but not that terfs pretend to care about them either.

[bisexualnamjoonie]

some lgbt ppl don’t like to be called queer

okay. oh boi. y'all better buckle up cause we're getting political on main and it's gonna be a long and bumpy ride!

so it's one of those things where i've been thinking about a reply the whole day, started looking at articles that could help give a thorough answer but then i though "well nevermind, this has to come from my core. let's do this"

(for all it's worth, i apologise if my answer comes across as condescending or angry. i tend to give off that vibe when i talk abt things i care a lot abt but anon just so you know i am not trying to be mean to you. i understand where this come from or at least i try to)

first things first: i will not stop using the word queer. i love it. it shaped my identity both politically and personally. being queer is who i am and i will fight heteronormativity and spit in it's face hollering while wearing it proudly.

so. moving on to the actual discourse. it’s too bad cause i actually saw a tumblr post about this exact issue like two weeks ago but cant seem to find it.

queer, both as a term and a concept, has been used by lgbt+ ppl for DECADES. in my opinion the fact that there’s been a divide those past years between ppl who don’t want to use it and ppl who do is a stepback in terms of our history as a community and our fight (which go hands in hands, bc our history is about fighting). us existing is a deeply political fight in a cis, heteronormative society and the word queer is a weapon.

one of two things:

- either some lgbt+ ppl don’t like to be called queer bc they still see it as an insult. in which case you’re still battling with internalised queerphobia which is comprehensible bc we live in cisheteronormative societies and we’re ALL struggling with this. but sweetie, we’ve RECLAIMED it. queer ppl have reclaimed the word queer. queer theory, queer as a noun or an adjective or whatever? we’ve reclaimed it. our elders birthed and carried our fight and while they did it they took the insult it was supposed to be and made an ARMOUR out of it. nowadays who uses the word queer besides queer ppl? nobody, that’s who. except for maybe deeply, hardcore homophobic ppl (which, don’t get me wrong, is bad and should be condemned as they have no right to use that word) but i promise you, cishet using that word has lost its power. bc while yes, words have power in their performative function as they carry ideas and shape the way we perceive the world, the word queer has mostly lost its harmful power a long time ago. why? once again, because we’ve reclaimed it. it’s our word now. so the cishet using it has lost its power. it might be an insult to them but structurally? it hasn’t been in a long time. we have taken this word as a community and we’ve made it a strength, which is the whole point of taking a word that was created to hurt a community and adhere to it. you’re gonna call me queer? i will claim it, i will make it my own. you can’t hurt me with this word because it is mine to hold and wield as a weapon. that’s what the word queer is to our community. to all my lgbt+ ppl struggling out there with this word: this comes from how cisheteronormativity has hurt you and shamed you into not accepting yourself. but sweetie i promise, you are loveable and okay and magnificent the way you are. our cishetoropatriarcal societies will try to erase your existence, to make you ashamed of it. well, fight it. be proud. be queer. your existence is political and the word queer in itself is you embracing this and fighting back (when you are ready. and if you never are, it’s okay to. but know that you deserve to be proud).

- or (and this i hate the idea of) you don’t like the word queer because it’s the single most inclusive one we have. queer can mean cis gay boy as much as it can mean ace pan trans non-binary woman and you hate it. and so you’re gatekeeping. let’s face it: what other word do we have to describe our community as a whole? saying lgbt+ is fine and all but it doesn’t have the same political implication. it doesn’t encompass the same ideas, the same history. our historical figures they’ve all been called queer as an insult and they all wore it proudly. and those people who set the milestones for our community to rise and fight? they weren’t cis, white ppl. they were mostly trans ppl of colour who refused to be categorised (fyi Sylvia Rivera never identified as strictly a woman or a man which is something that has been conveniently and purposely erased and ignored to fit a storyline where non-binary identities didn’t exist until up to ten years ago). queer ppl have always been at the core of the lgbt+ fight and trying to erase that, to make queer an insult again is a way for cis, white gays and lesbians to rewrite our history and is used as a gate keeping tool.

here are some articles (i’ll try and do a more thorough research when i have the time and energy) :

- https://www.pride.com/queer/2015/8/04/6-reasons-you-need-use-word-queer

- https://myslutbox.com/reclaiming-queer/

- https://www.dazeddigital.com/artsandculture/article/32213/1/tracing-the-history-of-the-word-queer

[jackalopey]

this is about ridiculous online discourse so theres your warning to not read it

but i am so fucking tired of grown adults thinking that theyre in the right for going out of their way to belittle and patronise children on the internet

does it matter if a 15 year old thinks your ship is creepy? like, seriously, why does that bother you? if you’ve been tagging it appropriately then the 15 year old shouldnt be seeing it in the first place, but also, if you dont like what someone’s saying you can block them

i don’t understand how people can reach their late 20s, early 30s or older and still not know how to maturely handle disagreements, but then, i guess it’s not that uncommon for adults to be insanely disrespectful towards children

not like the whole ‘discourse’ is actually ‘adults v minors’, anyway. it’s ridiculous that it gets characterised that way. there are adults who are ‘antis’ and kids who are ‘proship’ (which, you know is a whole issue itself, but let’s not get into it)

im not an ‘anti’ or a ‘proship’ because i think both labels are absolutely ridiculous and reductive, and if you make shipping discourse a major part of your identity and youre not a 15 year old im going to think youre fucking weird and want nothing to do with you, though id take being around an ‘anti’ any day

because, like, what impact is the anti really going to have on the real world? you can block them and move on. if it gets really bad you can turn off your anon or spend less time online. sure that sucks for you, and im not pro-harassment, but there are practical things you can do to limit how much of an impact it has on you

but rape culture is a thing that impacts every survivor, which is what’s being perpetuated when people romanticise sexual assault, csa, grooming or incest. i can’t get away from a society that thinks im to blame for my abuse, that im over-reacting being traumatised, or that abuse simply doesnt happen. i cant just turn my computer off and get away from it because its fucking everywhere

‘fiction doesn’t impact reality’ is absolute bullshit and if you’re an adult you must know that’s true. the simple fact that you’re writing or reading fic is evidence of fiction impacting reality. there have been countless sociological studies on the impact of fiction on how we think, propaganda is a thing, and fiction impacting reality is the entire reason why things like positive representation matters. or do you also think its fine for every fictional character to be a white cishet man?

to you, what you’re writing or reading about might ‘just’ be fiction, and you may not think that impacts your real life, but to me and many other survivors it reflects things that we’ve really experienced, and attitudes that we’ve seen

you write a fic where someone gets groomed, but the fic presents this as cute and romantic? yeah, well, that’s how my abuser wanted our relationship to be presented, too. you write a fic that involves an incestuous relationship, but hey it’s not a big deal because it’s not like they lived together, or it’s not like they had a big age gap, or it’s okay because they really care for each other? cool, that’s another justification that abusers use. you can’t separate these things from reality because these are real ideas that real abusers use to control their real victims

what’s a fun ‘taboo’ story to you is a lifetime of real trauma to someone else

this shit is why i don’t feel safe engaging with fandom. i love writing, i love discussing fandom with other people, and i’ve even started to enjoy drawing, but it feels like more trouble than it’s worth. do i really want to risk having an episode because some self-centered, patronising git thinks that pedophilia is actually super hot? hell fucking no

and like, i dont think either side is ‘right’, because it’s not like either side is one set ideology, it’s a bunch of different people all saying different things. but when the worst crime of one side is saying ‘thats a problematic heigh difference’ and the worst crime of the other side is saying ‘that 6 year old is sexy’, it’s really fucking easy to decide which one i’d rather deal with

(and yes i know im strawmanning both sides there, thats the point)

like god yall are so hostile towards survivors, and you either don’t know or don’t care, but i’m erring more towards the second one, because i bet not a single proshipper would ever be willing to actually listen

literally all i want is to be able to engage with fandom without having to see this fucked up discourse, but yall keep proving my point by refusing to tag shit

(and none of this is even getting into the way some of yall think youre above criticism. you want your fanwork to be respected but only when people are kissing your ass. cant take basic levels of social critique, throwing a tantrum if a 15 yr old doesnt want to see your porn)

[imgns]

if anyone wanted to know, and i dont really care if you didnt so im just going to talk abt it incase anyone else is going through this or smth idfk, i was completely scared i was

1. faking being nonbinary, bc i present femininely and dont really care that much abt how people refer to me

2. am bi, but was a lesbian for several years, and now i have a preference for men? that seems suspicious maybe i was faking liking girls and

3. i cant see myself with a cishet man but i can clearly see myself with transmen, and all my man crushes have been on transmen

so all together, i was scared i was actually faking every queer experience i have had and was actually a cishet woman who fetishized transmen in some way, which made me feel gross and uncomfortable

but i figured it out! i solved the puzzle!

i AM nonbinary, i just happen to present femininely because it makes me comfortable, and that doesnt determine my identity! i dont have to be an androgynous tall skinny white person to be nonbinary, i just have to Be nonbinary

and i do like men more! thats just a fact abt me! esp when ur a kid, you dont have to settle down on saying i only like girls or i only like guys, so i dont have to feel bad about going from straight to bi to lesbian to bi! also, i still like girls! my preference has just changed to mostly men and nonbinary people!

and segwaying from that to my fear that i am fetishizing transmen! its not fetishization, i am just tft! i feel more comfortable with a trans person in a relationship than a cis person bc i have a fear yhat a cis person will not see me as nonbinary! ah relief i really didnr want to be one of those fucks

anyway, gender, sexuality, everything is weird, and you really don't have to know for sure what you are or who you like. if you do, hell yeah! im super happy for you!!!! but honestly, its more important to live your life and have fun

thumbs up 👍

ive figured it out

[plainsimplevic]

Well - That’s One Way To Come Out At Work

That was surprising. At work, as I've been vehemently talking about on twitter, there's been a lot of homophobic slurs being thrown around. Just as importantly, it was communicated to me that I basically needed to step up or I'd be fired. That I was “making excuses” for not doubling my output and occasionally coming in later (sometimes too late) in the day.  This is when I've done nothing but excel at this job. In fact I've been given additional responsibility and praised by those who are hardest to please! I’ve pushed through illness after illness the past 6 months. Fought through infections so painful I could feel them through the haze caused by an entire bottle of whiskey. I’ve been here in the middle of the night vibrating because my cold is that bad. I’ve gotten SURGERY because I realized a condition was affecting my work - prioritizing that over other procedures I need done because I believe in fulfilling my commitments. Period. Whatever it takes. Be they professional, personal, or in support of my loved ones. And now my dedication, competency, and integrity are being questioned and I’m being threatened on top of all the bigotry? Those are NOT things you question about me. I’m not perfect and I fuck up but those base values are what makes me, me. Hell, my motto is Honour, Courage, Integrity!

It had gotten to the point that I've been very close to exploding, quitting, calling them the bigots they were, and storming out. I nearly did so this week after one boss was subtly (though I believe ignorantly) racist and the other was using gay slurs within half an hour.

After calming myself down, my plan was to consult with some friends this week, calm down further, get some sleep, and be professional. To put in my 2 weeks, tell them why, and use the last pitiful paycheck to put myself in a position to make money by other means.

Now, as I continued to calm down, I realized that immediately pulling the trigger on quitting was an immature way to handle the situation. As much as I wanted to, the enlightened thing to do would be to open a dialogue with my bosses and trying to resolve the situation rather than treat them as hostile. Despite the evidence, there may be more going on that I’m unaware of and they may be receptive to what I have to say. What can I say? I’m a Trekkie who grew up in the TNG era. Exhaust all opportunities for discussion before taking any action that could be taken as hostile. It may sound silly, but that show was very formative for me and the principles I learned from it have helped me well in life. #IAmStarfleet

But, after FINALLY getting some sleep last night and with one of the bosses gone on a business trip, something felt right about doing this today. I’d had some sleep so I knew my emotional control would be there and I wasn’t going to act unprofessionally. The boss had just come back from a “liquid lunch” so he was relaxed but not drunk. Having come out the day before to my straight-ally coworker had heartened me. And I was not so overloaded that I couldn’t take some time and write the 3-4 pages of talking points I needed to write before hand to keep me on track if I got flustered. So, I positioned myself so that my boss couldn’t avoid me (not that he was trying - just so he knew I needed to talk to him) and asked for a half hour one on one before he left. He agreed. It was no big issue.

Now, I’ve dealt with similar situations before. When I worked political campaigns, I was not only in a much more demanding and labor intensive positions (20+ hour days for months with no ability to take weekends off) but that boss was a total, self absorbed, jackass that continued tearing me down despite all I was doing. Nothing was good enough. So I called him and demanded a meeting. He asked when I could come in. I demanded he come to me (I was an hour and a half away). I sat him down and did then what I did today. I explained the situation and told him why there was an issue. At the next team meeting he promised to do better and afterwards gave me a big hug and thanked me. He didn’t change and was eventually replaced, but the point is that I knew that this is something I could do. But that doesn’t make it less scary. Especially since this involved something so personal that I’ve had so many issues dealing with over my life. Especially since I’ve only in the past few weeks felt comfortable enough with my sexuality to begin to talk about it with straights who are my long term friends. It surprised the heck out of me when I came out to my co-worker yesterday. #Scary.

I also had several people cautioning me not to do this. My mother was the most adamant. But also a friend who was concerned that this place was so hostile that I might just face further discrimination. For insight into my mindset, and really, just who I am, I want to quote an excerpt from my response to that.

“The bigotry, lack of respect, and lack of compensation is whats bugging me. If this convo fixes that...  Long hours I'm meh about and I enjoy the work. And that’s not judging others. That’s just who I am. I'm the guy who has the guts to face things head on. Stare the darkness in the face and dare it to extinguish my light. If I lose that, I lose everything. I cant have that with every other aspect of my life and not this now that I've accepted it.”

And for those who are going to criticize me and say that my lack of self acceptance of my sexual identity disproves that statement let me point a couple things out. 1) Bandwidth. Without going into too much detail, my life, especially the past 10 years, has been ROUGH. It’s hard to do things like process your sexuality issues when you’re doing things like working 16 hour days while a tooth rots in your head because you can’t afford to get the root canal you need because all you’re money’s going into making the choice between food and bills. Or when everyone around you, with the exception of your mother, does not seem to be, but is actually dying or abandoning you. 2) Lack of community. I’m just a man and I have my limits - sometimes I need help. By reaching out for that help, I’m proving my statements about myself true. I haven’t had anyone I could turn to and ask, “what was it like for you?”. No-one to relate to. No-one to tell me that there’s nothing wrong with me. I didn’t even have support outside the queer community dealing with every other aspect life - much less in it to deal with this. Every time I reached out the past 5 or 6 years to try to get that support, I was shut down in some way. I’ve had community members shrug and be dismissive, not understanding the traumas involved with growing up Catholic and in a homophobic setting. I’ve had people point to some reading material, pat me on the head, and send me on my merry - not truly understanding the damage 25+ years of internalized homophobia can cause. I’ve had one gal talk about bi-erasure in one breath, insist I’m straight in the other, declare how lesbians are superior to all others, and then try to get me to apologize for being a cishet man. Which, growing up primarily raised by women, having strong memories of sitting around the table as they talk about how horrible men are, being told “but you’re different” and “one of the good ones” and left feeling othered and wondering how much I should hate myself for my gender did NOT go over well. But that’s an entire blog post in it of itself and I digress.

So the time for the meeting came and I told my boss everything. I told him that he needed to quit the gay slurs. That I was bi. That I had met and was falling for the most amazing guy which had inspired me to make another attempt at confronting these issues. That the past couple months have been awesome and positive but extremely intense. That there’s been many times where I’ve held it together during the day and then just stared into my monitor for hours unable to do anything but have tears in my eyes once everyone left. That I’ve been on my laptop so much because I’m getting (and giving) support. That I’m afraid that some of my friends may end themselves and not be there tomorrow. Of all the illness I’ve been pushing through. And how, through it all, I still got the job DONE.

And the response was shocking. He was completely taken aback. He asked, “what slurs?” I gave him an example and, being total white straight male, he hadn’t even realized what he was doing. He asked if I was gay. I told him bi and he laughed and exclaimed how insensitive he’s been and immediately apologized. He lit up and exclaimed how awesome it was when I said I was falling for (again) the most amazing man (hard). He said how he has no issues with queer folk and told me of his gay friend with a similar background to me. He told me how, when he grew up, they used those terms all the time to effectively mean asshole but had no clue what they meant and that they had just become reflex - but that that was no excuse. That he had no problem not outing me to anyone else, though I’m close to being completely out. I was valued and appreciated.

And then, no joke, he asked me what I needed on my projects and the entire thing became, among other things, a pitch session and him putting many of his resources at my disposal.

Also, it turns out that the “firing” thing was because the other boss was freaking out about how a couple of business partners who were funding my salary simply didn’t like having to pay me and, for that reason alone which nothing to do with me, were looking for any excuse to “cut costs.” From my own deductions, I now realize that it’s mostly that I haven’t been putting up enough of a “show” of working on the rare occasion they’ve been around which is probably making it harder for that boss to defend me. Also, I’m 90% sure this is that guy’s first time managing someone and I know for a fact that this is his first time working in this industry and dealing with certain types of personalities - like said business partners. These are things that I have decades of experience with in one form or another so, now that I know that I know what his issues largely are, I plan on having a similar talk with him and offering my advice and support. I’ve been in that position before and watched it blow up in my face. Honestly, he’s fucking lucky it’s me and not someone else - they would have stormed out. I know. I’ve been the one stormed out on.

His main fault was not properly communicating to me how much of an issue these asshole business partners have been. I’ve been in his position many a time and now exactly how to compensate for that kind of bullshit. And because of his lack of communication, I haven’t been able to make his job easier by doing so.

I think there might be a couple of translation-to-this-industry issues as well so I’ll talk to him about that too. And, apparently, the boss I talked to has had to pull that boss aside a few times recently. Somethings going on with his personal life I feel.

So, yeah. That was probably the best coming-out-at-work experience I could have had. We’ll see if the boss I spoke to lives up to his promises but, as of now, things are looking up. I’m so glad that I haven’t been too traumatized in life that I can still hope. Maybe I’m just too stubborn an asshole to let it go. But it’s that hope that led me to try the diplomatic path. That allowed me to adhere to my values and belief that dialogue and understanding can solve nearly all situations so long as both sides listen.

And yes, those are Starfleet values. And if that’s too corny for you I have 2 things to say. 1) Read the above book-of-a-blog again and tell me how I’m wrong when EVERYONE else (except Mom) was telling me that the only solution was to quit in a righteous rage. 2) Fuck off you ignorant, pessimistic, little shit. #IAmStarfleet #FirstDutyToTheTruth #TrekTillIDie

I may still leave here soon for various other reasons, but now, rather than making enemies here I’ll leave with (assuming words meet deeds - which evidence so far here as indicated these are the kind of people where that’ll be the case) A) the use of these facilities for my own projects, B) plenty of time to prepare, and C) a financial cushion to aid in the transition.

Thanks to Danni, Alex, and Kaeden who’s support and affections have been crucial in helping me get to the point where I’m secure enough in my identity that I can tackle issues like this. Thank you for being my community.

[bitter-bitchbites]

since this argument is my entire fault, i want to clear up some shit.

i did not lie about you being cis, because i cannot lie when i do not know the truth; what i did was assume, which was wrong of me, but caused by you saying some pretty stupid cissexist bullshit, such as suggesting that everyone in the lgbt+ community face the same struggles and have in common with each other (your last addition), which is a basic radfem argument and a red flag for cis entitlement, on top of being extremely disrespectful to people with no cis privilege, and especially straight trans people. because they have nothing in common with cis gay people. hinting otherwise is implying that trans ppl are not able to be straight, and are actually closer to cis gay ppl in drag, and actually misgendering them. you sounded cis, like a way too privileged fuckhead, to be able to always think yourself above using some decency. and i assumed wrong.

so i did misattribute, more than one time, three actually,  in separate posts, you a privilege you do not have. i did not tho, misgender you, since i got right the fact you are a man. but misattributing privilege to some is still a fault, so i’m guilty of that.

now, is someone who purposedly call a trans black gay man a “cis-het ace inclusionist” in an argument where you whitesplain to him what racism really is, in order to erase his marginalized identity, really proper to bash a bystander about my mistake ? (your second addition)

you could have tried not to tear into someone that was just passing by and didn’t interact with my posts for misattributing you privileges, but for acknowledging your white one. literally nothing justified going after them. you got beef with a person in particular ? you don’t inflict shit on others. 

and none of my bad assumptions were made to “win”. cuz you lost on your own the moment you admitted to be a 40 yrs old white shitstain, which, guess what, still makes you v e r  y privileged, lecturing poc on what is actually racist, denying that discourse can be triggering to many, which is ableist, and calling ace id’s abusive by nature, which is, hmmmm, pretty manipulative and idiotic.

and also, up here, twisting another trans person’s words advicing you to use your bio to let ppl know you’re trans, because yeah, nobody is going to waste their time checking every single one of your nasty old man’s shitty gaslighting posts for your id. that’s not outing yourself to ppl who will put you in danger. you’re on tumblr, not at work. none of us can actually inflict you shit for it, we don’t know who you really are, mr.adult-cant-fucking-stop-harassing-children-in-their-safe-spaces.

EDIT: actually, that accusation makes no sense ?? you obviously have no problem telling ppl you’re trans, you did on this post, on the other post you linked, and maybe others. you don’t actually mind ppl knowing. you just... keep it as a gotcha asset to throw at ppl who feels you’re speaking out of your ass.

i went back on every single ones of my posts misattributing you cis privilege, and corrected them. i encourage my followers who reblogged the old versions to now delete those and reblog the correctly informed ones.

https://bitter-bitchbites.tumblr.com/post/171727073162/koreacourse-aces-aint-cishets

https://bitter-bitchbites.tumblr.com/post/171722720352/asura-anti-demisexualmeansnormal

https://bitter-bitchbites.tumblr.com/post/171633497352/ungracefulace-demisexualmeansnormal

next time, try not to throw a tantrum at some innocent rando. and to not parrot radfems. and to not whitesplain racism. and to not crosstag discourse in safe spaces. that too.

and as an addition, no, aspecs cannot be het, given, actual het ppl do not recognise them as such. and only oppressors decide who they give their privilege to, not the marginalized.

@fromshetohe I’m not discriminating against anyone when I say that cis-hets aren’t LGBT. Cos they aren’t. And CISgender HETeromantic asexuals, as well as CISgender HETerosexual aromantics are cis-het. Don’t move goal posts to try and say that they aren’t, cos they are. That’s what cis-het means.

LGBT aces/aros have space in the LGBT community. If you still feel unsafe with healthy boundaries between us and cis-hets, maybe ask yourself why that is? Why are the feelings of straight people more important to you than the safety of LGBT people?