#about the name of the man she helped raise

[hellodropbear]

17520 hours.

mapi leon x ingrid engen x daughter (ish)

angst. part of the 'it's time.' series

mapi struggles on the two year anniversary of her best friend's death. Ingrid is right there to help her but she doesn't know how to let her in.

this is a lot more angst than i'm used to posting but i hope you like it.

it was hard to write and partially based on personal experiences so i apologise if it's not very good.

also decided to put it all in one part because i couldn't find a good place to split it!

i hope you enjoy :)

~~~~~~

Two years is a long time. 

Two years is 104 weeks, two years is 730 days. Two birthdays, two christmases, two easters. Two summers and two winters, two new years and two anniversaries. 

Two years is a long time to miss someone. It should be enough time to have moved on. 

But when their daughter is in your care, that seems almost impossible. 

It was everyday that Mapi thought about her best friend, sometimes looking at her daughter and only seeing his eyes staring right back at her. 

The day was one that the Spaniard dreaded, the days becoming quicker and quicker in the lead up, the night before slowing right down as she crawled into bed, tossing and turning as she tried to sleep. 

Isabel was almost two. Still too young to understand that there was anything out of the ordinary in her life, anything that raised any questions. Even if Mapi tried explaining, she was sure that her daughter wouldn’t have the first idea what anything meant. 

She wouldn’t understand that Mapi wasn’t supposed to have her even though she gave birth. She wouldn’t understand that her parents had died because her Mami was right there in front of her. 

It was just a part of parenthood that Mapi had no idea how to conquer. She knew everything else, having spent hours and hours with her head buried in countless baby books, countless books that discussed grief and sadness in children. 

But Isabel wasn’t sad, she wasn’t grieving because she never knew Luis or Isabel. 

There were no books about how to tell a kid about her dead parents. It was a taboo topic, of sorts, one that many stand-in parents were reluctant to discuss with their child, hoping that they would just believe that they were their real parents. It was a bridge most people decided to cross when they had to, not at any point earlier than completely necessary. 

Mapi didn’t want that, she wanted her daughter to know who Luis was, who Isabel was. 

She just didn’t know when or how she should introduce the idea of them. 

But the second anniversary of their death left Mapi in a numb state, entirely torn up on the inside as she tried to decide whether she would take her daughter with her on her annual graveyard visit. It was Mapi’s time to chat to Luis alone, no interruptions, no distractions. 

Because while Isabel lost her parents, Mapi lost her lifelong best friend. 

She lost Luis, who meant everything and more to her. Luis who had moved to Barcelona a few months after her, Luis who watched every single one of her games, the first person to text her after a hard loss or an impressive win. 

She still hadn’t got out of the habit of checking her phone after a match, pain settling deep in her chest as her screen remained bare, his notification forever absent. 

It wasn’t a question of where she would be on the second anniversary. She knew exactly where she would be sat and exactly how she would feel as she stared at that obnoxiously large gravestone, big bold carvings of his name, his date of birth and date of death. 

‘Loving husband, son and friend.’ it read. Not father. ‘A man who lit up the lives of everyone he met.’ It was an understatement, Mapi had thought.

She had spent hours there when Isabel was a newborn, cradling her tiny body in her arms as she sat and silently stared at those few words. Loneliness ate her up, wishing for nothing other than her best friend. 

But her daughter had lit up her world as everything else was crumbling down, single handedly keeping the two of them afloat as Mapi grew tired, the sheer weight of her emotions almost drowning them. 

Isabel was an infant, too young to know anything was different. She was completely enraptured by her mother, smiling and laughing everyday they spent together in their small and stuffy apartment, completely unaware of the anguish that her mother was going through. 

It seemed fitting on the second anniversary of their death, only a couple months before her second birthday that Isabel would finally visit their gravestones. 

Even the thought of the graveyard made her feel uncomfortable, Mapi’s skin crawling at the thought of her best friend beneath her, cold and still. Someone she loved, such a warm and constant presence in her life, lying right there in the ground. 

It made her feel sick. Sick with anger because he was gone too soon. With grief because she never got to say goodbye. With guilt because she got to have the one thing he had always wanted. But mostly sick with the heartbreaking realisation that he was down there, in the flesh. 

Luis was dead. 

~~~~~~

It wasn’t a cold day, but she shivered as she stepped out of the car, the cool breeze prickling her skin as she unclipped a groggy Isabel from the back seat. 

“Where are we, Mami?” 

She looked around at her unfamiliar surroundings in confusion, probably expecting to have woken up in her bed. 

Mapi just hugged her, not trusting her voice to not break if she tried to respond. 

Despite only visiting twice before, the graveyard was familiar, she knew exactly how to get to Luis’ plot. She walked with purpose, not looking at the grave as she laid down the rug, only facing her best friend’s name once she was sat down. 

“This is your Papi, Is.”

Saying it out loud, her daughter in her arms. His daughter in her arms. It felt unusual, it felt uncomfortable. She could feel Isabel looking up at her, the confusion that radiated from the toddler’s body. 

She loosened her arms as Isabel wriggled herself free, waddling towards the stone and placing her hand on it. 

“Papi?”

She looked back at Mapi, a question in her eyes. She was met with tears slipping down her Mami’s face. 

“Mami.”

In an instant, she was back in Mapi’s arms, reaching up and wiping away the tears. 

“No sad, Mami. Brave like lion.”

Mapi nodded, a watery chuckle falling from her mouth. 

“I’m going to talk to your Papi, Is. Is that ok?”

Isabel nodded, settling herself on the rug with her lion toy as Mapi stood up, walking closer to the stone and placing her hand on his name, crouching down so it was at eye level. 

“Meet your daughter, Lu. She has your eyes, you know. She’s funny and smart and entirely the light of my life. I love her so much. More than I ever loved you. More than I’ve ever loved anyone, really. I promise. I promise I’ve tried my best and I hope you’re proud of her. I hope you’re proud of me.”

She bit her lip, unsuccessfully biting back her own tears. 

“It’s been two years, Lu. I don’t know how I have made it through two whole years without you, really. It’s been so… hard. I still expect to see you, to hear from you. Sometimes I think I do, only to realise that it’s not possible. Because you’re dead. You weren’t supposed to die, not so soon. You were supposed to watch your daughter grow, I was supposed to be her really cool aunt that she would go to when you argued, to give her that tattoo when you said no. ”

She let out a strangled chuckle, trying to alleviate some of the pain she felt. They had discussed Mapi’s relationship with the child at length, knowing that the centre back would love the child as her own because she was always with Luis, she would always be around the couple as they raised their child. That wouldn’t have changed if she wasn’t biologically Mapi’s. 

Back then, Mapi had thought she would have been fine with the situation. She knew the baby wasn’t really hers, she knew that she would still be able to watch the baby grow up, that she would still be able to love her. 

It wasn’t a problem that had actually materialised, but they hadn’t expected both Isabel and Luis to die right before she was born. 

“Now I have to discipline her, Luis, which is the one thing I didn’t want to have to do. But she’s such a good girl, she is so intelligent. Like you, really. She knows how I feel all the time, she definitely inherited your emotional intelligence. She loves everyone too, just like you. I was never supposed to be a mother, was I? You were always the paternal one out of the two of us, you were the one who deserved a child. But I am the one that got her.”

She swallows roughly, biting her lip. 

“Oh Luis, you would have loved her so much.”

Very quickly, she is overcome by her tears, collapsing down into herself in sobs. 

It’s all too much, it’s all too hard. 

It’s unfair that her best friend left her, that she was left alone to grow up. Growing up was something they had discussed at length when they were younger. Obviously they were never going to be married, they’d never live together. 

They had dreamt of adjoining houses, doors that connected their backyards. They were going to grow up together, the two of them. Luis would have his wife and a gaggle of kids, Mapi would have her wife and a pack of cats. They’d have their own families but their lives would be so closely connected because they loved each other in the purest way possible. 

A childhood connection, one that grew and grew into adulthood. 

One that was supposed to last a lifetime. 

It did last a lifetime, it lasted Luis’ lifetime. Just not Mapi’s. 

She calmed herself down after a couple minutes, Isabel unsurprisingly noticing her mother’s sadness and crawling into her arms as a source of comfort. 

They sat there for hours, an easy silence settling upon the pair. Mapi was deep in thought, Isabel knew it wasn’t the time for play, it wasn’t the time for her mindless babbling. 

It had been a couple hours when she heard the footsteps, people approaching silently. 

She hadn’t expected to see anyone there, but upon reflection she realised she had been naive - it was the anniversary after all. 

“Maria?”

She hadn’t heard Ane’s voice in two years. The last conversation they had was full of empty promises, of visits to Zaragoza that Mapi knew she would not go on. Promises that they would get to know the child that was growing in Mapi’s stomach, promises that they wouldn’t lose touch. 

They had lost touch, Mapi unable to visit Luis’ home whenever she returned to her parents. Ane and Mikel were in too much pain to see the child, not sure how they could face it. 

“Ane.” She stood up, facing the older woman and allowing herself to be enveloped in her arms. 

“It’s so good to see you, Maria.”

Mapi could only nod, her eyes still watery and her face still red. It had been a long morning. 

She turned to face Mikel, who was staring straight forward, his eyes only softening as Mapi grabbed his hand and kissed it. 

“I have missed you both.” She smiled softly. It was a sad smile, but a real one. 

They were Luis’ parents, of course, but they were her pseudo parents whenever she needed them. They were so close, especially when Mapi and Luis were in their teenage years. 

“Is this… is that her?”

Ane looked down at the curly headed girl, her eyes softening as she watched her play with her toys. 

“Isabel Luisa.” Mapi nodded. “I thought today would be a good day for her to come visit.”

The older woman looked down at the child adoringly, smiling as she looked up at the unfamiliar adults. 

It was a bit awkward for a few moments, as Mapi, Mikel and Ane sat in an uncomfortable silence. 

Mapi excused herself, moving away to the bathrooms but leaving her belongings by the grave. She knew she wanted to talk to them, that they wanted to talk to her. 

She also knew they needed some time alone before they would be able to. 

But she did return, sitting down on her rug right beside the older couple. 

And Ane spoke, her voice soft, her voice sad. 

She told Mapi how grateful she is, how glad she is that she took Isabel in, that she didn’t even question it. How grateful she is that Mapi did everything to make her son happy all throughout his life, from buying him an extra chocolate bar when they were children to carrying his baby for him when he and his wife were unable to do it. 

Ane told her that she had given him his one dream, fatherhood. It was just unlucky that he wasn’t alive to live it. 

There were tears in her eyes as she told her how grateful Luis would be. How much he loved her. How happy he would be that his daughter ended up with the Spaniard, the person he probably trusted the most in the world. 

Mapi nodded her appreciation, sitting with the two adults for a while longer before Isabel grew tired, the sun falling down, the afternoon turning into evening. 

She said a tearful goodbye, collecting her things and standing, Mikel standing up as well and walking her to her car. 

“She looks just like him.” His words were soft, softer than Mapi had ever heard him. “I have thought about you every day, Maria. You and her. I am so relieved to see you here because I worried so much about you. I worried that you wouldn’t be ok, that you’d not be able to raise her. Not because I doubted you, but because I know how hard it is to lose people.”

Mapi nodded softly, looking up at the man. 

“I don’t doubt that you have had a hard time, but I also don’t doubt that you’re a good Mami. A great Mami to this little girl.”

“Thanks, Mikel.”

He nodded, that was all he needed to say. 

It was all he needed to say for Mapi to tear up again, picking Isabel up and holding her in his space. He looked at the Spaniard, who nodded, before placing a soft kiss on her head. 

“Come visit, Maria. When you come home. Bring the little one too.”

Mapi nodded, a smile on her face. 

This time, it wasn’t an empty promise. 

~~~~~~

She got home to an empty apartment. Quiet, dark. She could have texted Ingrid, the Norwegian likely would have come over in an instant, her warm arms right there for endless comfort. 

But she couldn’t bring herself to open her phone, couldn’t bring herself to stand up and walk over to the kitchen table where it was sitting. Instead, she stayed seated, relaxed back on the sofa with tears tracking down her face as she stared blankly at the wall. 

It wasn’t often that she was left alone with her thoughts. Not when she had a chatty toddler to look after, a loving girlfriend who spent every day trying to make Mapi happy. It worked, because Ingrid did make her happy, happier than she’d ever been. 

And Isabel also made her happy, she was the best thing in the Spaniard’s life. 

So why did she feel so sad? Why was Luis’ death still so hard for her to process?

Two years felt like too long to still be so upset about it all. She wondered when it would go away. If it would ever go away. 

His death was something that Mapi didn’t think she would ever be able to comprehend. She was able to live her life as normal again, plastering a smile to cover up the mess that she was on the inside. But it had taken such a long time to even get to that point, despite her daughter’s positive presence.  

Everyone knew how long it had taken. Mapi didn’t think anyone really knew how broken up she still felt about it. A part of her was embarrassed, embarrassed that she still hadn’t gotten over it. Was still yet to move on. 

Even as she thought it over, progress seemed so impossible. The thought of moving on like so many people had told her to do made her feel sick, because how was she supposed to move on when he was everything to her?

She didn’t sleep that night, barely able to smile as she fed Isabel and put her to bed. The toddler knew something was wrong, of course, a frown on her face as Mapi put her down for the evening. 

Isabel had seen Mapi sad before. Lots of times, really, but her mother usually tried her best to hide it from her. She would push the emotions down and far away as she interacted with her kid but Isabel was so perceptive, so in tune with Mapi’s emotions. 

She knew whenever Mapi was sad. It made her feel sad too. 

But Isabel never would have known that her mother was sitting in the same spot on the sofa all night, her mind a rollercoaster of thoughts and emotions, resisting any rest that tried to fall upon her. 

She wasn’t sure if she regretted telling Ingrid that she wanted to be alone for the day, that her girlfriend shouldn’t come over like she usually did. The Spaniard just didn’t know if it would make it better or worse. She didn’t know how to alleviate herself from some of the pain she felt. 

She realised she didn’t know much at all. 

Mapi watched as the sun rose outside, the night becoming morning. The new day arriving along with the sounds of birds chirping, the city happily waking up as the clouds had gone away and the sun had finally come out. 

Two years and one day. 

Her daughter’s whining was audible from her spot in the main room as she woke up. Her daughter’s whining was probably the only thing that would have successfully moved her from her seat. 

“Mami!” Isabel frowned at the sight of her mother as her door opened, dark bags beneath her red and puffy eyes. 

“Good morning, my girl.”

She smiled weakly, kneeling beside her toddler and raking her hand through her hair as Isabel became more aware of her surroundings. 

It was a slow morning; a slow rise from bed and a slow breakfast. The toddler was still in her pyjamas by 10, her hair and teeth remained unbrushed. 

It was no surprise that Ingrid was on the other side of the door at 11, Isabel opening the door when she heard the knocks. The Norwegian had a bright smile on her face as she scooped Isabel up into her arms and planted a soft kiss on her cheek. 

“Mami, Ingrid.” She pointed over at where Mapi was standing, and it was one glance at the Spaniard that told Ingrid that despite her promise that she’d be alright, her girlfriend was definitely not ok. Her smile faded and she frowned slightly, concern etched deep into her features, 

Her steps towards Mapi were tentative, unsure how to approach the situation. 

It wasn’t that she didn’t know Mapi, of course she knew her. She just didn’t know about Mapi’s grief. She had heard from teammates that she hadn’t dealt with the death well, that she had locked herself up in her house for months, over a year. But it was one topic that the Spaniard avoided at all costs, a master of changing the subject whenever it would come up. 

Ingrid never felt like it was her place to pry. 

But now, seeing her girlfriend so… broken, so depleted, it made her regret not being more insistent in those times. Because maybe if they spoke about it then, she would know how to help. 

But in that moment, she had no idea what to do. 

“Maria…” Her voice was quiet. “I’ve missed you.”

Mapi didn’t reply, but she could feel Ingrid’s free arm wrapping around her and she immediately clung onto her girlfriend. She was desperate and Ingrid was a lifeline. 

“Alright. Isabel, do you want to go play with Bagheera for a minute?”

The child nodded as she was placed back on the floor, walking out of the kitchen and into the lounge where the cat was likely waking up from her nap. 

Mapi, still clinging onto the Norwegian’s arm, frowned slightly, still not willing herself to make eye contact with Ingrid. 

“You’re not ok, Mapi, are you?”

She didn’t nod, she didn’t shake her head. Her mouth remained completely sealed. 

But Ingrid knew her well enough to recognise the tears that filled up her eyes, the way her hand trembled against the Norwegian’s skin. 

The brunette softened, her worries confirmed; leaving Mapi alone for the entire previous day was probably one of the worst promises she had ever made. She shouldn’t have agreed to it, not when she knew that Mapi would need her. 

“Ok. It’s ok. You’ll be ok, Maria. I just want you to sit down for me.”

She led her around to the other side of the kitchen bench, sitting down in a seat right beside her and wrapping her arm around the Spaniard’s shoulders. 

The Norwegian could feel herself becoming more and more anxious at Mapi’s almost catatonic state, entirely unequipped and unsure how to deal with it. 

It took half an hour of speaking to Mapi with no response for Ingrid to realise that she couldn’t do anything. A heartbreaking realisation of sorts, but one that she needed to have in order to help her.  

She knew she should be able to do this herself, she wished that it didn’t have to be so hard. But Alexia had been there before Ingrid, Alexia had been there for Mapi during Isabel’s infancy, right after she lost Luis. 

So she sent the Spanish midfielder a quick text, alerting her of the centre back’s state.

She felt guilty as the relief surged through her, Alexia assuring her that she would be there soon. 

However, neither the Spaniard nor the Norwegian could see the toddler’s tears, her quiet whimpers of anxiety and upset. 

Isabel didn’t like seeing Mapi upset, not at all. She was a happy person, usually, a permanent smile on her face, energetic as she played with the toddler. 

But she sat and stroked Bagheera, silent tears streaming down her little face with one thought on her mind. Why was Mami so sad all of a sudden? And why did it make her feel so miserable too?

Alexia arrived in a flurry, her heart dropping at the sight of her friend as she rushed towards her, immediately pulling her into a suffocating hug. 

“Maria, Maria. Come on, please. Say something.” Her voice sounded urgent and Ingrid could only watch, worry and confusion clear on her face. 

With no response, Alexia leaned back, staring straight into Mapi’s eyes. She could read the centre back like a book and her eyes told her everything she needed to know. 

“Ale.”

She frowned, tilting her head at the blonde in front of her. 

“Mapi, breathe. Take a deep breath in.”

Ingrid slipped out of the room as Mapi followed Alexia, breathing in and out slowly until she collapsed into Alexia’s arms, the tears spilling from her eyes easily as she reconnected with reality. 

It was her reaction to sadness, Mapi had realised a few months ago. Disconnecting from the world around her, unable to move, speak. She could barely hear anything, see anything until it was right in front of her face. 

She couldn’t feel anything either, but that was a more common response, something that she couldn’t be pulled out of so easily. 

She hated it, more than anything. Because when she was pulled from her state of disconnect, she felt nothing but terror, an overwhelming sadness that came rushing back as soon as that trap door opened. 

It was like her body was trying to protect her from feeling, the emotions just too much. It would just shut down until she was numb, not really registering that at some point she just had to feel it because there was no way of getting away from those emotions. 

Alexia had seen it all before and she was usually the one to grab Mapi, to shake her out of her headspace and bring her back to reality. 

It was terrifying for her too, especially the first time she witnessed it. 

“Ale.”

Mapi’s sobs had been reduced to quiet whimpers into Alexia’s shoulder after a while, her mind throwing itself through all her thoughts, all her emotions. Luis was gone, Luis had been gone for two years. She has his daughter, her Isabel who she loves so much. Ingrid was here but now she is not, where has Ingrid gone? Alexia, right in front of her, fear visible in the midfielder’s eyes no matter how hard she tried to hide it. 

Luis was gone, Isabel was hers. Ingrid was gone, Alexia was here.

Luis, Isabel, Ingrid, Alexia.

Her four people. 

She felt her breath hitch, Alexia’s arms tightening around her. 

She felt the tears dripping down from her eyes, saturating the fabric of Alexia’s shirt, the wet fabric now uncomfortable to rest her face on. 

She could hear Alexia’s breathing, the sound of her heart racing. 

Feel Alexia’s arms around her, the floor beneath her feet and the chair that she was sitting on. 

Taste the salty tears. Tears of grief, fear, confusion. 

Luis, Isabel, Ingrid, Alexia. 

“Ale, where is Isabel?”

~~~~~~

Ingrid slipped out of the room easily, not needed as Alexia dealt with Mapi’s overwhelming emotions. 

Mapi’s cries were audible from the main room she found herself in, wincing as she walked towards Isabel who was still stroking Bagheera, her movements fluid and repetitive, a consistent cycle that easily could have rubbed a groove into the cat’s black fur. 

The Norwegian couldn’t see the tears that had stained the little girl's face, still spilling from her eyes no matter how hard she tried to blink them away. 

But her shoulders shook unnaturally, a shuddering inhale that had Ingrid picking up her pace and sitting down right beside Isabel and pulling her into her arms as soon as she noticed how upset she was. 

Silently, she placed a thoughtful kiss on the crown of her head, her heart breaking at the silent tears, at Isabel's defeated demeanour. 

No toddler should know how to cry silently. 

"What's wrong, Is?"

At her words, Isabel promptly spun around in Ingrid's arms, collapsing into her and crying audibly, her entire body weight relying on the Norwegian to be held.

"Mami sad, Ingrid. I'm sad too!"

Her voice was broken and Ingrid’s heart dropped at the sound of it. 

It wasn’t hard to leave, understanding that Isabel needed to get out of the apartment, that she needed to be away from the inconsolable Mapi who could still be heard crying in the kitchen. 

So she left, slipping out the front door and carrying Isabel down to the street, holding her tight as she cried, walking over to the park. 

By the time they reached their familiar bench, her cries had weakened, only releasing quiet puffs of air every few moments as she relished in the comfort of Ingrid’s arms. 

The Norwegian sat down, loosening her grip on the toddler and manoeuvring her so that they were looking right at each other. Ingrid’s frown was light and her hands were soft as she reached out and wiped the tears away from Isabel’s wet cheeks, cupping her face when she was done. 

Words failed the defender as she looked at the toddler, her uncanny resemblance to Mapi heightened in her upset state. 

She matched her mother perfectly, Ingrid thought, trying to avoid that voice in the back of her head that she would never be enough. Their smiles were identical and their laughs sounded the same. They both carried the same exasperated sigh, the confused frown and those doe eyes that were impossible to say no to. But they carried the same tears, the same cries. 

Mapi’s emotions were often reflected in her daughter, whether it was happiness, excitement, fear, sadness. Isabel was smart - emotionally intelligent. It was like she always knew exactly how her Mami was feeling, even if she wasn’t old enough to understand why, to understand what those feelings were. 

This was one of those times when she had no idea what this sadness meant. She could clearly feel the sadness, feel her mother was sad. But she wasn’t even two yet, how could she possibly be expected to process those emotions like someone years older?

Ingrid wasn’t bad with kids either. There were heaps of children in her family; cousins, nieces, nephews. She’d been there throughout all of their childhoods, able to comfort them and soothe them enough until their parents came back. 

But Isabel’s sadness was completely new territory, there was no waiting for Mapi to arrive because Ingrid knew she wouldn’t. It was up to her to calm down the child but for the first time, she was completely stumped. 

She didn’t know what she could say to calm her down. She didn’t know how Isabel felt, she was too young to be able to express her emotions, to talk through what she was feeling. 

But this wasn’t a tantrum or a small cry over a minor convenience. This was a meltdown, caused by her overwhelming emotions that she couldn’t quite comprehend. 

“Ingrid…” 

She spoke quietly, leaning into the comfort of the Norwegian’s hands on her face. 

Ingrid nodded, encouraging the child to continue. 

“Why my Papi a rock?” 

The Norwegian’s face softened, her heart sinking as she tried to subtly release an exhale that she had been holding in. 

Unsure what she was going to say, she opened her mouth. But Isabel was too quick, raising her voice another time. 

“Why Mami sad at rock?”

“Is…” 

The child looked up at her, eyes shining with unshed tears, pure innocence reflected in her eyes, her features. 

“Isabel. Your Papi, he’s not a rock. Your Papi was a person, a very good person.”

The child frowned, confusion etched deep into her features. Ingrid thought she seemed entirely too concerned for a not quite two year old. 

“He died before you were born though, Is. Mami is sad today because she misses him. She misses your Papi.”

She doubted Isabel would even understand what she was trying to say. She didn’t know when children were supposed to understand the concept of death, the concept of life. 

Definitely not before the age of two. 

So Ingrid decided to try to move away from the topic, her new goal just to bring a smile back onto Isabel’s face. It was the least she could do, really. 

“But it’s ok, Is, because you have Mami and you have me and you have Alexia and you have Leila and Patri and Pina! You love all of those people don’t you?”

Isabel nodded easily, a smile creeping onto her face. 

“I love them so much. Especially Mami. And you, Ingrid!” 

Ingrid chuckled, her laughs a superficial cover of the anxieties and concern she felt. Because Isabel was right here calming down in her arms, but she had no idea of the state of Mapi, she had no idea how long this happiness would last. 

“And everyone I just mentioned loves you too. And your Papi, he loves you as well but he loves you from somewhere else. You have people everywhere loving you!” 

Ingrid beamed, trying to make the conversation feel more lighthearted. It was a successful attempt, apparently, because Isabel replicated her smile and turned herself around, sitting back down in Ingrid’s lap and leaning into her chest. 

“I love you Ingrid.”

The Norwegian could only smile sadly, planting a thoughtful kiss on Isabel’s head. 

~~~~~~

Mapi’s head was a mess, Alexia had realised. Her emotions all over the place, her priorities set in a weird and confusing line. 

The tears had eventually ran out and she was clearly exhausted, her head in Alexia’s lap as the blonde spoke softly. The familiar Spanish was a comfort to Mapi’s ears, the words meaningful, flooded with emotion.

“You need to worry about what is important right now,” Alexia had murmured, her hands combing through Mapi’s hair. It was reminiscent of how the centre back calmed her own daughter, soft hands and quiet words. 

It was reminiscent of how Mapi’s own mother used to soothe her, nostalgic and comforting. 

“Luis is important, of course he is. But he’s gone, Maria. If you’re going to worry about anything it has to be yourself, it has to be Isabel. You have to think about Ingrid, how to prioritise your relationship on top of everything else.”

Alexia shook her head at that, sighing almost silently. 

“Ingrid will try not to let you focus on her, but you have to try. You have to show her how much you love her like I know you do. That she’s your person.”

Mapi looked up at Alexia, her forehead wrinkling as she frowned. 

“She… she doesn’t know that?”

“She does know that, of course she does. But sometimes you need to put her first. Sometimes she needs you the most. Sometimes, she needs you more than Isabel does. She wants to know all of you, Mapi, even this part. She wants to understand your grief, to know what to do when you are having a hard time. She wants me to look after Isabel while she comforts you because she loves you. You are her person, just like she is yours.”

Mapi frowned again, swallowing back the tears that threatened to fill up her eyes. Because Ingrid was everything to her, of course she was. She was the person that Mapi loved more than anyone, the first person she had ever really and truly fallen in love with. But Alexia was right. More often than not, her attention was pulled away from Ingrid, Isabel making an appearance. Maybe she was hungry, thirsty, tired. She could have been bored or overexcited or maybe she just couldn’t sleep. 

Because Isabel was her baby girl, her last connection to Luis; her last connection to her person before Ingrid. 

It was somewhat painful for Mapi to consider how these small things would have hurt the Norwegian, how they would have all built up over time, building Ingrid’s thick skin, the impenetrable strength and sometimes superficial happiness that the Spaniard wished to break down.

“What do I do, Ale?”

Her voice broke and Alexia pulled her upwards, straight into a hug. 

“You talk to her.”

Mapi nodded, falling back down to her lying position on the sofa, the exhaustion of the day overcoming her despite it only being 12pm. 

Alexia could tell the exact moment she fell asleep, her breathing evening out and her body finally relaxing. 

The midfielder had expected something like this to happen today. She knew that Luis’ death was a date engraved in her friend’s mind, one that could never pass without any upset, any thought. 

It was only the second anniversary so of course it would bring up all of the emotions that were left and ignored two years ago, Mapi’s grief pushed away by the little baby Isabel. The same thing had happened a year ago and the midfielder knew it would happen again in another year. 

Only she hoped she wouldn’t be needed in a years time, similar to how she had hoped that she wasn’t required this year. 

She had been somewhat surprised and just a little bit disappointed when she received Ingrid’s text, having hoped that Mapi finally would have spoken to her girlfriend about it, that Ingrid would have expected it and known exactly what she needed to do. It was abundantly clear, however, that it was not the case. 

Ingrid’s terrified and bewildered facial expression was one piece of evidence, but so was Mapi’s silence, her heavy breathing and her complete refusal to speak while the Norwegian was in the room. 

She was disappointed, really. She felt guilt overcome her as she watched Ingrid slip out of the room, a look of pure defeat written all over her face as she accepted that there was nothing she could do to help Mapi. 

Mapi who was an emotional wreck, who needed support and who just needed to let everything out for once. 

Mapi, who needed her girlfriend’s comfort but didn’t know how to ask for it, couldn’t bring herself to ask for it. 

Alexia knew that the Norwegian would have given it to her without a second thought. 

It was all she could think about as Ingrid walked back through the door, Isabel’s hand tight in hers as her eyes scanned the room and landed on the sleeping Mapi in Alexia’s lap. 

Isabel inspected her quietly, satisfied with her sleeping body on the sofa. She was with Alexia and Alexia made people happy. She was sure Mapi would be happy now, so she scampered out of the lounge and into the laundry where she knew Bagheera would be waiting. 

Ingrid was less convinced, sitting beside Alexia with concern written all over her face. 

“She’ll be alright.” Alexia whispered her words softly, an attempt to make the Norwegian feel better. She didn’t expect Ingrid’s eyes to fill up with tears, her head falling into her hands. 

“Why doesn’t she talk to me about any of this?”

Her voice sounded defeated, frustrated. Her watery eyes looked back up towards Alexia and the midfielder could easily see the anguish in her eyes. 

“She’s bad at talking about it, embarrassed by it. She doesn’t like to feel all these emotions so she just pushes them away. But they come back every now and again and she has no idea how to deal with it. I try telling her that it’s normal, she shouldn’t feel embarrassed but she doesn’t listen. It makes her feel weak, she said. You saw her earlier too, she just shuts down. I think it’s because she just doesn’t know what else she can do so she turns into a robot of sorts, on autopilot to get things done. And then someone will come and see straight through her and it’s like she breaks.”

Alexia’s eyes were watering, her hand coming to rest on Mapi’s head. 

“But she loves you so much, Ingrid. More than I’ve ever seen her love anyone before. I know she wants to talk to you about all this, she wishes she could just let it all out. We’ve discussed it before, what she could say, how she could say it. She’ll call me the next day and say she chickened out, she couldn’t bring herself to go through it all. It’s mentally exhausting, I think.  She used to be so confident in herself, she didn’t care about anything but her happiness and the happiness of the people around her. She was the person who would cheer everyone else up, make us smile and laugh. She’s still that person, that’s the one that we see everyday. But she never learnt how to grieve or how to let other people cheer her up and this is what happened because of it.”

Ingrid was quiet for a few moments, her eyes focussed on Mapi’s sleeping figure. She looked so peaceful, her golden brown hair falling over her face, completely covering her tear stained cheeks and puffy eyes. 

“Why didn’t you help her?���

She knew it wasn’t Alexia’s fault; she knew that the midfielder beside her would have done whatever she thought was right. But part of the Norwegian thought that if she had learned what to do with her emotions two years ago when Luis died, everything would be easier now. Everything would be easier for everyone. 

“She just wouldn’t let us. I regret it every day, Ingrid. ”

~~~~~~

It wasn’t long before Alexia left, leaving Ingrid with a sleeping Mapi and taking the almost two year old back to her house with her. 

They didn’t want Isabel to be able to understand what was going on, they didn’t want her to feel those sad emotions when she was entirely incapable of understanding why she suddenly felt so sad. 

So it was Ingrid’s face that Mapi woke up to, the familiar green piercing straight through her, a sad expression all over her face. 

“Ingrid.”

Her voice was hoarse, her words scratchy and her eyes swollen. It had been a difficult few hours and she felt entirely incapable of having the conversation that she knew Ingrid wanted to have. 

“I don’t know how… how do I even start?”

But it seemed she was wrong as Ingrid shook her head, her arms wrapping the Spaniard up in a tight hug as she sat up from her horizontal position. 

“No, you don’t need to. Not right now. You’re exhausted, physically and emotionally and I don’t want to talk now. I want you to be ok, I want to make you feel ok.”

Mapi didn’t know it, but the Norwegian’s words were exactly what she needed. Ingrid was exactly what she needed. 

Her emotional perception, the unique ability she had to be so aware of how everyone felt at any given time. It was one of her qualities that Mapi loved the most, one of the things that was so intriguing, so alluring about the defender. 

“What can I do to make you feel ok?”

Mapi smiled weakly, trying to bite back the tears that threatened to spill down her cheeks. It wasn’t just sadness this time, but gratitude, love. Because Ingrid was perfect even when the centre back knew she had been the opposite of that. And despite all of Mapi’s own personal flaws, Ingrid still loved her. 

And if everything else fell apart, Mapi knew that her love would be more than enough. 

“You being here makes me feel ok.”

Ingrid smiled into the embrace, only releasing the hug when Mapi’s grip on her loosened. 

“Isabel is at Alexia’s and she will be there all night. She shouldn’t be in this environment when you are so upset, not when she’s so young. So it’s just you and me, whatever you want to do.”

Mapi nodded easily, somewhat relieved that her daughter was away from all this. 

“Thank you.”

“Don’t thank me.”

The evening was a slow one, relaxed and quiet in the calm apartment. They weaved around each other in the kitchen as they cooked with a practised ease, dinner cooked and plated up seamlessly. 

Conversation as they ate was minimal, the Spaniard clearly distracted and the Norwegian happy to focus on her own food. 

“I… I need to talk to you, Ingrid. Not right now, but soon. Maybe tomorrow. I just don’t know how to say what I want to say in a way that makes sense. It’s… hard for me, hard to talk about… it.”

The Norwegian’s attention was captured at the sound of Mapi’s voice, instantly nodding with a comforting smile on her face. 

“I know it’s hard. I don’t want you to feel any pressure to tell me anything.”

But the Spaniard disagreed, shaking her head quickly. 

“It’s not pressure, I want you to know everything.”

Ingrid’s forehead creased, her eyebrows drawing together as she frowned. 

“But why? Why do you want to go through it all again with yet another person if you don’t have to?”

It was Mapi’s turn to frown, her head shaking as she let out a quiet exhale. 

“I haven’t ever gone through everything with anyone. Alexia knows a lot, sure. I know she’s told you what she knows. I want you to know everything. Because I love you more than anything and for you to love me like that you have to know everything, you have to see all my faults, everything that I’m ashamed of.”

Ingrid stopped the tears from forming before they had a chance to materialise in her eyes, but Mapi could tell she was stopping herself from crying by the way her eyes blinked away the invisible tears. 

“What’s wrong?”

Her voice was incredibly soft, her Spanish lilt calming, comforting.

“I don’t think there’s anything you could say that would change the way I love you. I couldn’t love you any more than I do and there’s nothing that will ever make me love you any less. I wish you would understand that sadness and grief isn’t a weakness or a fault, it’s not something to be ashamed of. It’s natural yet it takes a completely different path in every single person. You’re not different, Maria. You’re not weak. The opposite of weak, really. I love you for who you are, because you are funny, you’re kind, you’re caring. You look after people and you’re an incredible mother. I love you because you are strong, one of the strongest people I have ever met. The love I have for you is not… despite anything, there’s nothing that I would change because you’re perfect. So sure, tell me everything because I will listen but it will not change a single thing. Don’t tell me that I can’t love you before I know because I do, so much.”

“Thank you.” Mapi sniffled, her voice thready as she nodded at Ingrid, her eyes dropping back down to her plate in front of her. 

It was exactly what she needed to hear. 

~~~~~~

“Mami!” 

Despite Ingrid’s protests in the kitchen, Isabel bounded into their bedroom, bouncing up onto the bed right beside a sleeping Mapi. 

“Isabel! I said not to wake her up!” 

Ingrid frowned from her spot at the bedroom door, her forehead creasing further at Isabel’s defiant expression. The toddler turned back towards Mapi, shaking her shoulder rapidly. 

“Mami! Mami!” 

Ingrid rolled her eyes, releasing a loud sigh and shaking her head as the Spaniard rolled over, groaning as she opened her eyes. 

The past few days had been rough and Ingrid was sure Mapi hadn’t gotten more than three hours of sleep each day. The Norwegian was awoken constantly by the sound of her cries or her restless movements in the bed, but had stopped asking if she was ok after seeing the guilt on Mapi’s face at waking her up. 

It was an obvious question anyway, Mapi clearly was not ok.

She had been distant, often unfocused. The Norwegian had to take over the parenting ropes and she hadn’t left the Spaniard’s apartment, helping with cooking and cleaning and the other mundane housework that Mapi just didn’t have the energy to do. 

She would say a few words over meals, and quiet murmurs of gratitude throughout the day. Ingrid didn’t know how rapidly her notes app was filling up, full of dot points about how and what she would say to Ingrid. When she could bring up that conversation that she was so desperate yet so hesitant to have. 

“Morning Is.” The Spaniard rolled over, opening her arms up for the toddler as she fell into them, snuggling easily into her mother. 

“Mornin’ Mami!” 

Mapi smiled, looking over at Ingrid in the doorway and motioning for her to come and join them on the bed. Naturally, the Norwegian moved towards them, sitting up beside Mapi and resting her head on the centre back’s shoulder. 

“We were awake very early this morning, weren’t we Is?’

She rolled her eyes as the child nodded and Mapi bit back a laugh, squeezing Isabel softly. 

“You should have woken me.” Mapi smiled, planting a kiss on the side of Ingrid’s head, ignoring her scoff. 

“Ingrid said don’t wake you up, Mami!” Isabel interjected again, looking up at her mother. “But I missed you!” 

Mapi could only chuckle, planting a kiss on her child’s head. “I missed you too, my Is!”

It was a slow day, but one full of quiet laughter and happiness. The small family of three spent the late morning hours in bed, before getting up and heading down to the park and tiring the toddler out. She was exhausted by the time they got back, passing out on the sofa as Ingrid took off her shoes and Mapi scrubbed the mud out of her jacket. 

The girl had been put to bed by the time Mapi had returned from the laundry, Ingrid sat on the sofa with the remote in her hand. 

“What do you want to watch?”

She had heard Mapi walking towards the lounge room, apparently. The Spaniard didn’t enter immediately, instead steadying herself on the doorframe and taking a deep breath. 

The time had come, she realised. She couldn’t justify pushing this conversation away any longer, pretending that she wasn’t thinking about it when truthfully it was at the top of her mind at all times. 

She knew it wasn’t an easy conversation to have and she knew that it was going to be hard to bring it up. But that difficulty won’t ever go away, no matter how long she leaves it. If anything it will get harder over time because time gives her fears and anxieties an opportunity to grow, an opportunity to overcome her. 

And she was completely adamant that that would not happen. She would not be overcome by those terrors ever again. 

She realised she had paused in the doorway for too long when Ingrid turned around, a small frown settling on her face. 

“Are you ok?”

Mapi nodded, forcing a stressed smile onto her face and finally taking those steps inside, sitting herself on the sofa beside Ingrid and taking the remote from her hands. 

“Yes. No, but.. Yeah.” 

“Talk to me.”

And she did. She started at the beginning, all the way back when she was a small child and meeting Luis for the first time. She told Ingrid how they had been glued to each other’s sides forever, how they grew up and nothing ever changed. How grateful she was when Luis followed her to Barcelona, moving into his own apartment just a five minute walk away. 

The Spaniard reminisced on times where they would eat dinner on the floor of his unfinished apartment, takeaway boxes empty but the room still full of happiness and laughter. She showed Ingrid her tattoo, the little girl and boy on the playground that she had gotten to match with Luis. 

It was his first and only tattoo and he had only trusted Mapi to give it to him. She knew she had to get one the same and it was something they had treasured. A secret of sorts, a little thing that almost nobody knew about. 

The centre back explained how he had always been a paternal person, all the way back when they were those little kids on the playground. He would look out for everyone, act all big and strong to protect his friends even when he felt equally as terrified. He was the person that everyone went to as they got a bit older, his emotional nature and calm demeanour always popular among their peers. 

She told Ingrid that she always felt so lucky that even though he was so popular, she was still his best friend. She was always his number one and that only ever changed when Isabel came along. 

Isabel who was just as lovely as her boyfriend, another person that Mapi learned to love. 

Another person who proved time and time again that she was a mother. 

So she lamented on the heartbreak that the young couple experienced when they realised they couldn’t have a child, that parenthood seemed almost impossible. 

She explained her entire thought process to the Norwegian, how she debated with herself whether it was worth it to miss so much football during what could have been her peak years. Whether she would ever feel comfortable around a child that was half of her DNA, a child that she carried for nine months but technically didn’t belong to her. 

But Luis’ happiness was always the most important thing and when he rang her up for the 10th night in a row in tears, her decision was made for her. 

She told Ingrid how long it took to convince the couple to let her carry their child, having to go through the same arguments that she had with herself only weeks earlier, having to come up with rebuttals to their incredibly valid points. 

But it had only taken an emotional monologue from the Spaniard to convince them, all three of them sat in tears as they finally agreed to it. 

She talked her through the IVF process, every high and every low that she experienced. How easy the pregnancy was at the beginning, the only symptom her small bump and minor cravings. 

But she had Luis and she had Isabel at that point, both of them so incredibly grateful that they practically waited on the centre back’s hand and foot. It annoyed her, really, so she had kicked them out of her apartment, told them to only come over if she called them. 

For the most part, they respected that, only visiting once a week unless Mapi called them for the company. 

She admitted how much she regretted that deal, how she wished that she made them sit with her all day every day. 

Maybe then they wouldn’t have been in the car that day, maybe they would have been safe and sound in Mapi’s apartment. 

She couldn’t have known that their trip to Madrid would be fatal, there was no way of being able to foresee that and to stop them from going. 

Tears started to slip down her cheeks as she recalled what they told her over the phone, how both Isabel and Luis had been killed on impact. A drunk driver, it was, a drunk driver who was miraculously left unscathed. 

She talked Ingrid through her thoughts that followed the phone call, after she had sobbed and screamed. Once the tears had finally ceased and an unsettling silence fell upon her apartment. 

She felt lost, she felt alone. She wanted to call Luis because he was the person that made her feel better in these times, he was her company when it felt like her entire world was falling apart. 

But of course she couldn’t call Luis. She should have called someone else, her mother, her brother. Alexia, even. But that would be replacing her best friend, something she couldn’t bring herself to do. Not so soon after he had died. Not when the wound was so fresh, not before she even got the chance to process it. 

She admitted to her girlfriend that she still hadn’t really processed it, that it was still a work in progress. His death was one she would never understand, she didn’t think she ever would fully process the idea that he was gone. 

Ingrid let tears spill from her eyes as Mapi remembered how lonely she was for the next few weeks, how she realised that now she had this child that she was just supposed to be able to raise. How she felt entirely unprepared, unfit to be a mother, unequipped to be able to raise a child to a standard that Luis would be happy with. 

How she doubted herself even before Isabel was born.

When she gave birth it got so much harder, everything seemed so impossible and she couldn’t think about anything else other than that little life in her arms. 

She had fallen in love with the baby immediately, guilt overcoming her at her selfish gratitude that Isabel was a living reminder of Luis, she was someone that Mapi would always have. A living being that literally carried her father around with her. 

She told Ingrid how she saw his eyes as soon as they opened, the tape over her shattered heart doing little to protect it when it was forcefully thrown back on the ground at the reminder of everything she had lost. 

But as she spent more and more time with Isabel, as she watched the little girl grow up she could feel her heart building itself back together, little pieces at a time supergluing themselves together, creating an indestructible structure. 

Isabel had been the reason her heart was being fixed, the reason that she felt like she could finally breathe again, finally reunited with the organ that pumped the blood around her body, the organ that made her feel alive. 

She smiled through the tears as she recalled how alive she felt when Isabel took her first steps, when her first words tumbled right out of her mouth. As the child laughed, as she played with the cat. As she grew up into a child, something for Mapi to love, to be so incredibly proud of. 

Because Luis was gone and that was something that Mapi would never be ok with. 

But he left her the greatest gift of all time, like he knew that his best friend wouldn’t be ok without him. 

And similar to everything else he had done for Mapi through their lives, this gift, his daughter, had made sure that the blood never stopped pumping, that every single fragment of her shattered heart was still there, ready and waiting for its turn to be glued back into place. 

Isabel had done a good job of orchestrating the reconstruction, even if she had no idea what she was doing. 

“But then you came along, Ingrid, and you fixed my heart too.”

~~~~~~

alright this was very long

i've proofread a couple times and kinda hate this but it's as good as it will get :)

please let me know what you think! send me anything else you would like to see as well.

and i apologise for this taking so long, i have been very busy with uni (as usual) but on top of that i had surgery on my knee almost a week ago so am very tired and in a fair amount of pain at the minute

have a good day

[hiddenzev]

Second Confession: Part 4

Pairing: Joel Miller x f!reader

Chapter Summary: Joel realises his feelings after seeing reader and Emile spending more time with each other.

Chapter Warnings - Angst, One-sided love, Unrequited Love, Idiots in Love, (let me know if i missed anything)

WC: 7.2K

series masterlist, AO3

A/N: Y'all I don't even know how I'm writing longer and longer as each chapter goes by. Thank you for the comments and likes, i'm living for it. Love yall! I hope you enjoy this chapter as well. It's not as angsty as what some of you hope for tho.

You walk into the cafeteria the next morning to see Emile sitting with the group for breakfast. What the hell? It must be Tommy’s doing for sure. This man interferes too much and sometimes you just want to strangle him. You fill your tray up with the menu of the day before walking slowly to the table, cursing under your breath.

Tommy notices you coming and calls out your name. You put on a fake smile, intensely staring at Tommy for pulling Emile in for breakfast with the group. He raises his eyebrows with a big smile, communicating with you silently to play it cool. You kisses your teeth to restrain yourself from calling him out. As a matter of fact, you almost slap his head when you passed right by him before rounding the table to take a seat.

You were too locked in on Tommy that you didn’t realise that you took a seat right next to Joel. Until you were seated down, that’s when you realise Ellie isn’t by your side. She had swapped her seats with Joel. Before this, you were panicking on not knowing what to say to Emile but now you were nervous, sitting almost thigh to thigh with Joel.

“Good Morning.” you squeezed that out with a strained smile after taking a seat.

You receive a couple of replies and some nods. Emile who sits right opposite you couldn’t take his eyes off of you.

“Good Morning.” Emile said looking at you, smiling with anticipation behind his eyes.

You give him a polite smile in return before digging in your food. You are only a few bites in and Emile speaks up again.

“How are you? I didn’t see you in the library for awhile,” he asks with a worried look on his face.

“I’m good. I just needed time to myself and get it together again. That’s all,” you explain.

“Oh. Did something happened?”

“Umm, no, nothing for you to worry about. I’m okay,”

“Well, if you say so. I’m glad you’re okay,”

“Thank you.”

You move your hand to pick up your fork to eat again when he opens his mouth to talk, causing you to halt your movements. You put down your fork feeling a little annoyed because you’re hungry and you want to eat. Don’t let your girl get hangry.

“I was just missing seeing that pretty face of yours in the library.” he looks down bashfully, stuffing his face with his food.

You don’t know how to react. Your mouth keeps opening and closing slightly, like a fish, not knowing what to say. You glance to Tommy, who’s sitting beside Emile, for help but this dude is just side eyeing you. Everyone one else was just silently wanting to hear what you would say.

“Oh, t-thanks. It’s nice of you to say that,” you stutters, feeling shy about the compliment.

“I’m not just saying that. You really are beautiful,” he blushes looking at you to say that.

“Thank you.” you said in a small voice, nodding your head awkwardly and breaks the eye contact to look at the table.

You are fiddling with your food, lost in thoughts, when you feel Joel’s elbow grazing yours. That makes you feel the shivers running through your body. How is it when Emile who is flirting with you, did not make you feel anything but when Joel’s elbow are grazing yours, it makes you feel hot? That’s it. You need to lie down and roll on some grass.

He quickly finishes his food and gets up to leave without saying anything. Tommy watches his brother scurrying off until he is out of sight. Lots of thoughts running through his head. You don’t even want to look at Joel leaving so you just keep on eating and talking with Emile.

Since that breakfast, Emile has been joining the group for breakfast and some of the dinners. You have been friendly with him even though you’re not usually open to people but he does seem sincere from what you learn about him from his time here. You do want to befriend him, taking this chance to change your cooped up self and socialise.

He makes an effort to do things for you and also with you. You appreciate it a lot but you kind of feel bad thinking you’re leading him on. You just want to be friends first and not jump into anything rashly.

You open the door and see Emile holding some flowers with a big smile on his face. His face is slightly red, burning up from the shyness.

“Hey, good morning! I got you these pretty little things along the fences out back,” he holds out a bunch of wildflowers that he picked towards you, “they remind me of you.”

You take it from him and brings it close to your face to smell it. It feels wonderful to be given flowers and you don’t even remember the last time someone gave you one.

“Awww, thank you! This is so sweet.” You thank him with an awe look on your face before turning around to put the flowers in an old vase that you found.

Emile is still standing outside, looking inside at what you are doing and occasionally touching the back of his hair nervously. You quickly get your bag and locks the door to not keep him waiting. Emile is walking you to the ranch this morning. He offers to accompany you a few days ago after hearing that you will be on patrol duty that day. The eagerness in his striking blue eyes made you feel bad to turn him down. So here he is walking out with you.

“Thank you for the flowers, Emile. You don’t have to do that.” You thank him again.

He’s been giving you flowers after his solo walks within the town. He’s not able to go outside because he’s lacking the skills on those areas and that is why he’s with the books. He’s a sweet guy with a soft heart that it makes you wonder how did he even survive for this long.

You remember vaguely that he came to Jackson with a small group of people consisting of mostly strong men and only a couple of women and small children. He’s always with the rowdy bunch of men in that group and he stands out like a sore thumb. He’s so out of place there but you don’t really question it because they probably saved him from the horrors that happened outside.

“You’re welcome. I’ve always thought that you’re a cool person so I really want to give those flowers to you. I thought you would love it, y’know,”

“I love it but I feel like I owe you something for all the flowers you have given me,”

“Nah, it’s cool. Don’t worry about it.” He gestures that it’s fine.

You both make your way to the ranch with nonstop talking. You find that it’s easy to talk with Emile. He don’t just cut you off and dismisses what you said. He don’t ignore you and tells you to keep your mouth shut. He don’t give you a dirty look for rambling on and on about the things you are passionate about. Unlike someone.

Meanwhile, back in Joel’s house, he sees everything that’s happening. Ever since Emile was brought up into the conversation, he’s been feeling out of sorts. He sees the way Emile looks at you with so much adoration. He sees Emile being nervous when you’re not looking. He sees Emile making the effort to be close to you.

He knows Emile is one of the good guys in Jackson. He should be glad that at least Emile is treating you well as you deserves it. Joel’s not a good person. He has done a lot of bad things that he thinks are unforgivable. You should not be with him because you could do so much better than his stoic and grumpy ass. He doesn’t know how to break his shell and communicate his feelings better.

You’re tough, resilient, stand on your business type of woman but you’re also stubborn, impatient at times and be lost in your thoughts whenever you can. At first, he thinks you’re adorable actually but he doesn’t want to admit it. He keeps his distance away from you to not get too soft on his feelings. You’re charming in your own way and Joel finds you irresistible after realising your true feelings and the effort that you put in for him.

Yes, he had suspected that you have feelings for him. Like Tommy said, only a fool wouldn’t see it but he ignored it. He has his own demons that he struggles with and he doesn’t want to entertain something that may not be worth risking his heart for. He’s tired of losing the people that he loves and cares about so he keeps his circle small.

Seeing you smiling at Emile when he’s giving you the flowers, he can’t help but feel his heart drops to his stomach. You look so contented and it hurts that he’s the reason of your tears not too long ago. He feels stupid now that when someone else is trying to win your heart, that’s when he gets the urge to do something about it.

He sighs heavily and takes a moment before stepping out of his house. He has to endure seeing you and Emile most of the time now and he’s going to hate seeing how both of you get on so well with each other.

Emile has been walking you to and fro from patrols for two weeks now. It’s lovely that he never fails to show up and keeps you company. Even though there are times when you want to be alone, you don’t mind it because it’s exhilarating seeing Joel’s reaction to seeing Emile with you.

The patrols with Joel were as per usual except you caught him multiple times staring at you. He would also try to make small talks, asking you a couple of questions before completely keeping his silence. You would answer shortly with a slight animosity, giving back the energy that he has given you before. Do you still have feelings for him? Yeah. Do you feel bad for him? No….okay, maybe a little bit but who cares. You’re going to enjoy it for awhile.

You’re sitting on one of your chairs in your back porch, sipping on your hot tea. You have the book that you are currently reading closed on the table beside you. You’ve been catching up on your reading now after that whole confession fiasco with Joel. The library has been one of the places you visited to let your mind be lost in fiction instead of your miserable reality. In addition to that, Emile is there as well to keep the atmosphere lighthearted by checking up on you time to time.

However, this peace did not last long. Strangely, Joel has been coming to the library more often. You did not find it weird at first since you know he do read sometimes. Most of the time you would see him come in straight inside without saying anything to Emile at the front desk. Then, he would take his time to browse the books while glancing around as if to find something that is on his mind.

You observe him from your seat in the corner that is hidden from plain sight due to the shelves. Every time after he sees you, he would go to find a seat with any book that he is holding in his hands without any thoughts. He sits on a table further away facing you and you catch that his ears go red whenever you peek a glance at him. You keep that observation in the back of your mind, not knowing what to think of it.

You do shy away from the eye contact at the start. Distracted by his appearances in the library that now, you subconsciously anticipate him to visit the library when you do. You usually don’t want to think much about it so you won’t get your hopes up again stupidly but you do have your fair share of strange suspicions from him. Not just from the library, you see him lingering around at the places you would bump into him, like the bar, town hall, barn, etc. Whenever you are with Emile and you catch him looking, his face is always scowling while looking away.

You get out of your thoughts of Joel acting strange after you hear your name being called by Ellie from the front of your house. You take your tea and book inside before hurrying to the front door. You open the door to see her standing with a tight smile, holding something in her hands.

“What’s up?” You ask her with a confused look on your face, not expecting to see her.

“Thought you might want some company. I brought dinner,” she holds up the bag of food to tempt you.

“Sure, come in.” You invite her in the house.

Ellie goes straight to the kitchen to put down the food. Both of you help each other to set up the table to eat. After a couple of quick movements, you and Ellie are finally seated down facing each other.

“It’s been awhile since we hang out just the two of us,” she takes a little bite out of her vegetables.

“Yeah, I guess there’s been a lot of things going on.” You reply to her while picking at your food a little bit.

Ellie shares everything that has been happening with her. She talks about school and her friend, Dina, mostly. You have always thought that Dina is more than just a friend to Ellie from the way she talks about her. It’s cute but you’re going to let Ellie realise her feelings herself and talk to you about it at her own pace.

You listen to everything that she says and answers any questions that she has about the things she’s curious about. Eventually, she talks about Joel which is bound to happen anyway because she lives with that guy.

“Joel has been a little weird, man” she shares.

“How?” You question her, not giving that information that you find him acting strange too.

“I don’t know. He seems restless, moving around the house trying to find something to fix or whatever. It’s making me stressed.” She grumbles while shoving food in her mouth.

You just nod your head to her complaining.

“I’ve noticed that he plays the guitar a lot more now at the back porch, sometimes late into the night.”

Your mind goes to the guitar pick that you gave him. You wonder whether he still has it.

“Oh! He’s finishing the chess set soon. I think he said that he got a couple of pieces left before he’s done with it. I can’t wait to learn and play it.” She smiles at you excitedly.

“That’s good to hear. I bet you would be coop up in the house pestering him to play with you.” You grin at her after seeing her contagious smile. She giggles imagining herself doing that.

“I’ve seen the pieces that he’s done but there was one that stood out to me,” she smirks at you.

“What?” You genuinely ask her while picking up your glass to drink.

“It’s the only one with a lighter shade and has initials at the bottom of it unlike the rest.” She looks at you knowingly.

You almost spits out your drink but you keep it in causing you to cough painfully. Ellie looks at you concerned.

“You good?”

You nod while clearing your throat a little bit. She stares at you for a moment before speaking up.

“I’ve seen the initials. It’s yours isn't it?” She asks softly.

You pick at your food and finish the last bit on your plate. You look at her and sighs heavily before nodding your head defeatedly.

“Was that why you ask that question during the Never Have I Ever game?”

“Yeah,” her mouth curls at the sides.

“You little shit,” you scoffs remembering that game night.

“Did you give him that night when you confessed?” This time she asks with a serious tone.

“I didn’t tell you guys about that but yeah, together with a guitar pick and a letter.” You confess to her about it shyly.

“That’s sweet,” she gives you a reassuring smile. You smile at her before it slips thinking about that night’s harsh rejection by Joel.

“I thought he would throw it away,” you said in a somber voice, “didn't know he still has it.” You voice trails off, distracted by your thoughts of your chess piece among his.

“You know,-“ she pauses for a moment, hesitant to say the thing that is on her mind, “there are times I’ve seen him holding that piece and just stare at it.” Ellie observes you while trying to drink nonchalantly but her clumsiness overpowers it.

‘’What are you trying to say?” Your eyes narrows towards her.

“Maybe he’s been thinking of you,” she shrugs her shoulders, raising her eyebrows with a little curl at one side of her mouth that you do not miss.

“Maybe he’s regretting what he did.” Ellie stands up to clear up the plates since the both of you are done with dinner.

You help out as well, wiping the table and countertop. The thoughts of what Ellie said bothers you while you are cleaning. After you are done, you lean your hip on the countertop and turns to Ellie who is still washing the dishes.

“You really think that he have feelings for me and is regretting his actions?” You ask for her opinion, staring at her side profile.

“Yeah and he’s probably feeling shitty about it. We all know he sucks at talking about his own feelings.” She wipes her hands on a towel before turning her body to you. “Hopefully he got the balls to apologise and make up to you soon.” She brushes past you to get a glass of water and heads to the living room.

You sit down on the sofa beside her, sighing heavily while you rest your head back on the sofa. You close your eyes trying to not let this soften your heart more for Joel. You are already weak for the man and you don’t want to easily forgive and forget what happened.

“Got nothing to tell me about Emile?” She slurps on her drink and eyes you suspiciously, smirking.

“What about him?” You open your eyes, frowning slightly.

“You’ve been spending a lot of time together. I’m just wondering how you feel about him now.” She turns to face you, folding her legs underneath her to listen to what you have to say.

You got no choice but to sit up straight seeing the excitement in her eyes. The smile that you try to hide slowly appears on your face. The way she wriggles her eyebrows up and down earns a scoff from you. You shake your head slowly at her innocence, reminding you of when you and your friends were talking about boys back in the days.

“He’s a nice guy. Sweet and polite. Comfortable to talk to, y’know.” You give her a forced smile trying to convince her. Nodding your head a couple times as if to tell yourself as well that there was nothing else to say.

“But?” She probes you for an answer with one raised eyebrow, suspecting there is more to the story.

“Nothing. That’s all.”

“Oh come on! Don’t lie to me,” she slaps her hands on her thighs and look in your eyes, not backing down.

“There’s nothing!” You raise your hands, palms facing up. “That’s what I’m saying.” Eyes wide, telling her the truth.

She looks at you with eyebrows pinched, confused look on her face. You take a moment to take a deep breath.

“I don’t feel anything more than a friend with him. Seriously. He reminds me of a close friend of mine in college. I miss that goofy ass fucker so much.” You laugh softly, thinking about your dear friend, Kai, that had been there for you through the rough patch of your young adult life.

You don’t know what happened to him after the outbreak. The last you heard from him was that he’s going overseas to start his own business abroad. Whenever you are down, you can hear him in your head telling you to keep your head up.

Ellie watches you reminiscing about your friend and you can see that her smile slowly fades as if she is thinking about one of her friends too. You had no intention to bring the mood down by thinking about the past so you keep on talking.

“Yeah. Also, he’s way too sweet for me. I’ve never seen that man pick up a gun before, not even a knife. Never gotten into a fight since he came here,”

“Oh wow. Even I almost got into a fight the first day here.” She looks away with an embarrassed smile.

“Of course you would.” Both of you laugh at the memory of Ellie getting agitated on her first day in Jackson.

“He’s lovely but the guys he hangs around with are assholes,” you can’t help but throw a disgusted look on your face thinking about Emile’s group of friends.

“I’ve noticed.” Ellie rolls her eyes.

“It seems like he owes them his life and can’t get himself out of their circle. I’m not surprised because he do seems like an angel, way too kind to other people.” You solemnly say thinking about how they treat Emile like a pushover sometimes.

You turn around to lean your back against the sofa again. Ellie stays put and as she looks around the house, she could see the window facing their house and catches Joel returning from his dinner at the cafeteria.

“Total opposite than that old fucker.” Her eyes are still fixed on Joel.

Your head snaps abruptly to her after hearing that and you turn your body completely to see who she is looking at even though you lowkey (pardon my gen z language lmao) have a clue who she is talking about. The view of Joel’s broad back can be seen heading to his front door with his head down. You wonder what’s on his mind. You absentmindedly stares at the house even when Joel is long gone from your sight.

“You still like him, do you?” You look at her, seeing a playful smirk on her face as she looks at you to prove her point wrong.

You stands up to face her, tilting your head to the door. “I think it’s time for me to get ready for bed.”

She do not make any moves except making an exaggerated face at you, rejecting your answer to her question. You laugh at her funny face, finding it really hilarious.

“Get your ass up and go,” you laughter eventually dies down. You clap your hands once, tilting your head again to the door, wanting her to leave.

She grumbles as she gets up and gathers her stuff. Ellie can’t help herself from teasing you, “I know you still like him.” She says in a singsong manner.

Only thing you could do is just to shake your head slowly with a lopsided smile on your face. You follow her to the door before she faces you again.

“I’m going to kick his ass until he get his shit together,” she determinedly says with a serious look on her face.

“If you say so, Ellie, I can’t stop you.” You raises your hands, palms by the side of your face in a surrendering way.

You open the door for her to walk out and both of you bid goodnight to each other.

The following night, Joel is found seated in his usual spot in Tipsy Bison. He is already a couple of drinks in than his usual intake in Jackson. There is a lot going on in his head and he wants to shut it out using alcohol. Tommy and Maria is seen walking towards Joel after spotting him as soon as he steps into the bar. Joel doesn’t know how but Tommy always coincidentally find him when there is something bothering him. It’s annoying but he’s grateful that his brother is always there for him.

“Are you drunk already?” Tommy eyes Joel closely. He lets Maria sit inside the booth first before sitting down next to her, opposite of Joel.

“No,” Joel grumbles before muttering again in a small voice, “just a little bit tipsy.”

“Something on your mind?” Tommy asks concernedly.

Joel didn’t answer, looking down at his glass, swirling the drink around in one hand. Maria who senses that she should let them talk privately, stands up and let Tommy know she’s getting drinks for the both of them.

When Maria walks away, Tommy asks Joel again, “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong.” Joel purses his lips, staring at his little brother.

Tommy definitely knows that Joel is lying but he lets it slide. He knows Joel will come around and tell him the truth eventually. They both wait until Maria comes back with the drinks. As usual, the three of them are talking about the developments of Jackson and how to implement more improvements on certain areas when Joel sees you and Emile walking into the bar. He stops listening to what Tommy is saying immediately, his head is miles away from the conversation in just a snap of a finger.

Emile leads the way to a table for two that is empty, quite near the area Tommy, Maria and Joel are sitting. You are so into the conversation with Emile that you do not even stop talking as you sit down. Your seat is facing Joel but you still hasn’t notice him yet. You are talking about your favourite movies, debating with Emile, which 90s romcom is the best.

(Spoiler alert! If you haven’t watch ’10 things I Hate About You’ and ‘You’ve Got Mail”, I’m sorry)

“Nothing can top ’10 Things I Hate About You’ come on. Patrick, the so-called ‘bad & dangerous’ boy, got paid to take Kat, which is a girl boss by the way, on a date.” You try to convince Emile.

“Then he falls for her, she falls harder and then she got hurt thinking it was all fake when it’s not, then he bought her the guitar that she ever wanted and they kissed! Voila!”  You explain the storyline animatedly, moving your hands around wildly.

“But have you seen ‘You’ve Got Mail’?” Emile shoots you an even more thrilled look.

“Of course,” you reply in a disbelieving look.

“The perfect enemies to lovers. The. Best.” Emile emphasises on the the last two words.

“You know what’s underrated?”

“What?”

“French Kiss.” You state it with a straight face.

“Wh-what?” Emile asks with widened eyes, eyebrows shoot up as high as it can go.

You hear someone coughing badly nearby but you don’t check who it is. It is actually Joel that is coughing. He was eavesdropping the entire time, watching you talk with so much passion about the movie. He obviously does not watch romcoms unless Sarah wants to. He heard about the movie you’re talking about before but did not have a chance to watch it.

Tommy and Maria were caught up in their own conversations that they didn’t notice you since you are not in their view or recognise your voice. Joel did not expect you to say French Kiss which caused him to choke on his drink. He covered his mouth as he coughs.

“Are you okay?” Tommy turns back to Joel hearing him coughing.

“Yeah.” Joel says in a strained voice, cleaning up where he had made a mess.

Are you flirting with Emile? Is that a hint that you want to kiss Emile? All kinds of thoughts are racing through his mind. He was not able to hear your explanation for that because he was coughing and was taken aback to process anything.

“French Kiss. The one with Meg Ryan in it as well.” you say, oblivious to what you had accidentally implied.

“Oh. The movie.” You find that Emile replies in a weird tone and you notice that his face is turning red. You do not say anything about it and continue to talk.

“Yeah. Have you seen it?”

“Unfortunately, no.” A disappointing smile on Emile’s face.

“Aw man, it’s kinda silly but I like that movie. Wish you could watch it.” Both of you finally comes back to reality knowing that there is zero chance that you could watch it again.

You hear your name being called and you look towards where the sound came from. Tommy is waving his arms to catch your attention but that wasn't what caught your eye. It is the man that is staring at you with a softness in his eyes that you have never seen in him before. You don't break eye contact with him until Tommy invites you to join them.

“You go first, I’ll get us something to drink.” Emile suggests and nods his head towards them. His hand rest on your shoulder for a moment to indicate that he will be back soon.

You thank Emile before making your way to them. As you come closer, Joel slides in more into the booth to give you some space to sit. It will be awkward for you to reject his gesture so you suck it up and sits beside him, facing Tommy directly.

“I didn’t see you just now, did y’all just came in?” Tommy asks you.

“Yeah, a couple minutes ago.” You nod your head profusely, your eyes darting from Tommy to Maria continuously. “What were you guys talking about?” You question, not knowing what else to talk about.

Maria explain to you that they were discussing about Jackson and how to progress it into a better community. You try to focus on what she is saying but the presence beside you cannot be ignored and you can’t seem to be able to turn your head to look at him.

Emile approaches and put down the drinks towards your side of the table. He is awkwardly standing trying to figure out where to sit. You move in towards Joel, your thighs and arms in contact with his and the three of you squeeze into one side of the booth. You lean forward to sip on your drink with your elbows on the table, trying not to touch Joel’s arms.

Tommy and Maria are amused by what’s happening, quietly observing you. You raises your eyebrows at the couple asking them to help you from this awkwardness. They glance at each other while trying not to smile.

“So I’ve seen the both of you together a lot these days.” Tommy gestures to you and Emile to address the situation.

“Yeah, we’ve been hanging out.” You reply shortly to Tommy in a casual tone. “Why?”

“I’m just glad that you look happier and relaxed,” Tommy genuinely smiles at you.

“Well, it’s all thanks to Emile,” you look to Emile beaming at him, “you’ve been a great friend to me.”

“You too. I’m always here if you need me.” Emile look you in the eyes with a reassuring smile.

Joel clears his throat and taps his fingers on the table restlessly. Your face fell hearing that noise and turns back towards the table with your jaws clenched.

“You both good to go on a supply run next week? Just the two of you, like patrols.” Maria chimes in, asking you and Joel specifically.

You look over your shoulder at Joel and see that he’s already looking at you to gauge your reaction. His hand is scratching his beard back and forth mindlessly. He wants to know if you’re okay with it first before agreeing.

“I’m good,” you answer as you lean back against the booth which causes you to hunch your shoulders slightly due to the small space you have in between the men.

Maria looks at Joel for his reply and Joel gives her a sharp nod agreeing with you.

“It’s going to be further away than the previous times. Probably gonna be two days trip so get ready for that. I’ll tell you guys the details when it’s nearer to that day.” Maria explains without breaking any eye contact on either one of you.

The conversation continues between Maria and Emile as they talk about his duties and whether or not he has enough help in the library. As it goes on, you let the information of the supply run process in your head. It’s going to be a two days trip to look for more supplies with Joel. The longest time you’ve been with Joel alone is your usual patrols with him which last half a day only. How are you going to survive this trip? It’s funny that you’re more worried about Joel than being out there for 2 days.

Joel must have been worrying about the same thing because you can see him fidgeting with his hands that are resting on his thighs. His hands stop moving and your eyes slowly move up to his face. You freeze, not able to look anywhere else as he gazes into your eyes. To you, it seems like there is a lot that he’s saying behind those eyes. It isn’t threatening, It isn’t menacing. It isn’t judging you. He appears to look in your eyes as if to memorise the details of it. You can almost hear your heartbeat growing faster and faster.

Oblivious to you both, Tommy is watching everything that is happening. He has been secretly hoping for Joel to finally realise his feelings for you and make a move. Although it’s kind of shitty of him to use Emile but whatever it takes for that big brother of his to do something about it.

“Hey Emile, wanna join us for pool?” One of Emile’s friends, Jack, comes by the table to invite him to a game of pool.

Emile looks behind over Jack to see his group of friends at the pool table waiting for him.

“You can bring your mummy along if you want.” Jack points at you with a creepy smirk. He’s eyeing you up and down making you feel disgusted and angry.

“Uh-“ Emile tries to say something but you interrupt him.

“I’m not his mummy,” you snap at him with a deep frown on your face.

“Yeah right,” he scoffs, “you’ve been keeping him to yourself for weeks, who knows what you’re doing with him.”

You’re so close to getting up and punching the asshole in the face when Joel slams the table with his fist, causing everyone to flinch. You do not have to turn around to know how angry Joel is. You can see from Jack’s face that he’s now realising that there’s a big bad wolf waiting to pounce on him from beside you. Tommy’s body already facing Jack, ready to grab him if he says anything else.

“Fuck off before I break your fucking jaw.” Joel barks at him.

Jack scurries away, leaving the table in silence. You can hear Joel’s shallow breath from the anger.

“I’m sorry,” Emile mutters in a weak voice, his eyes facing downwards.

“You’re gonna keep your friend in check or what?” Joel growls at Emile.

You quickly turn your head around to face Joel angrily. Joel is not breaking his gaze from Emile. His eyebrows are pressed together, jaws clenched. Oh he is as furious as you.

“Or are you running your mouth to them as well that I need to straighten you out too?!” He hiss at him, leaning his body towards Emile to get his point across while you are caught in the middle. He’s almost caging you and there is no space left for you to lean back so you put your hands firmly on Joel’s shoulders, stopping him from pushing.

“Joel!” You look at him with a stern look causing him to look at you. Your hands are still on his strong and broad shoulders, which you wish you are touching them at a different circumstances.

“Enough.” You ordered.

Your hands slowly fall from his shoulders reluctantly. He sighs, looking away from you and moves back a little to give you space. You turn to face Emile again.

“You’re gonna go to them?” You asks him in a low voice, feeling sympathetic seeing him shaking slightly.

“I have to. I’m sorry for what he said,” He whispers, looking at you sadly.

“It’s not your fault. Let me know if anything happens, okay?” You reassure Emile, placing your hand on his arm.

He nods at you before getting up to face the rest, “I’m sorry, guys, for what happened.” HIs hands interlocked with each other as he looks at everyone on the table with a apologetic look on his face.

Tommy and Maria gives him a small nod in reply. Joel doesn’t even look at Emile, only gripping his glass hard. Emile walks off hesitantly towards his friends.

You face Joel, not wanting to let what he said to Emile slides.

“What was that?” You blurt out at him

“What?” He looks at you annoyed.

“Why did you lashed out on Emile?”

“That asshole is his friend. He should know better to keep his friend’s mouth shut.”

“It’s not his fault that his friend is an asshole.”

“So you’re gonna defend that boyfriend of yours now?”

You roll your eyes and sighs heavily. You move out of the booth, pointing at Joel and to yourself.

“You. Me. Outside. Now.” You stare down at Joel.

Joel looks up at you, seeing you ordering him around for the first time.

“I’m serious.” Not backing down even though he’s giving you his meanest face.

“Sorry guys, I’ll see y’all around. G’night.” You say to Tommy and Maria with tight lips. You look at Joel again and indicate with your head that you will wait for him outside.

The chilly air greets you as you step out of the bar. You can tell that the snow is going to come soon. You head to the bench by a tree right beside the bar to wait. You didn’t have to wait long before you see Joel heading towards you. He stops a couple steps away from you, rubbing his hands together, feeling the coldness of the night.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” You get to the point right away. You want to clear every single speck of air between the two of you.

“Excuse me?” Joel frowns, not believing what he just heard.

“Did you not hear what I just said? I said,” you take a step closer to him, “what the fuck is wrong with you?” you enunciated every word clearly to him, almost shouting because you are so angry and confused with him.

“You’re asking what is wrong with me?” He points at himself, one brow lifted.

You nod your head, eyes wide looking at him.

“No, what is wrong with you? You’re the one that keeps hanging around with that boyfriend of yours who cannot even stand up for himself.” he argues.

“He’s not my boyfriend! Also, you don’t even talk to him to know that he’s struggling to put up with that bunch of assholes.” you move your arms wildly, arguing with him.

“Oh give me a break,” he crosses his arms and lean his weight on one side, “I see him coming over to your house all the time.”

You look at him weirdly, “So?”

“So?” He sneers.

You gestures at him to continue his argument. He looks away for a moment, closing his eyes as if to gather his thoughts and looks at you again with a determined look on his face.

“So what Joel?”

“So you have feelings for him?” he mutters with a strained voice, feeling embarrassed with what he just asked.

“Me and Emile are just friends. Just like me and Tommy.” you don’t even know why you are explaining this to him.

“I see him bringing you flowers all the time,”

“And?”

“And I see how you look at him. Like how you look at me before everything that happened.”

You let out a sigh, looking down at your feet, tired of his hot and cold attitude.

“Joel, you rejected me like almost two months ago, literally saying I was stupid to have a crush on you in the apocalypse and that you don’t give a fuck about me.” You reiterate what he said to you.

“And now you’re here being jealous just because some other man wants me now? I don’t understand what you want from me, Joel. So please kindly explain yourself.”

He uncrosses his arms and take a step closer to you. He looks down at his boots, pursing his lips, gathering the courage to speak about his true feelings.

“I’m sorry.” His gaze moves to your face, eyebrows saddled.

Oh hell no. You have to keep it together to not fall for his big brown puppy eyes. This is the first time you can see that he’s being regretful for his actions.

“I’m sorry I hurt your feelings. I was being insensitive to you and there is no excuse for that. You’ve always tried to be nice to me but I was being a dick and kept pushing you away. And now I see him around you all the time and it hurts,” he closes the distance between the both of you, “it hurts to see that I’m not the one making you smile, I’m not the one making you laugh and I’m not the one holding you.” you look up at him, staring at his pleading eyes.

“I’ll do whatever it takes to make it all up to you,” he whispers, you can feel his soft breath on your face. His fingers grazing yours and he timidly takes your pinky finger in his index finger and his thumb.

"Please forgive me." he begs you.

Your eyes are lock on his, silence fills the air surrounding the both of you.

"Give me some time and space to think about it. I'll get back to you, okay?" you let him know with a small voice before you get your pinky finger out of his grasp.

He nods at you slowly before moving his body out of your space, letting you breathe properly.

"It's getting cold out here, you better get back inside.” You move slowly out of the way to head home. “I'll head home first, goodnight."

"Goodnight, get home safely." he softly says before heading back inside to the Tipsy Bison.

You walk back to your house with so many thoughts running through your head. You already know that it's going to be a long night for you before you are able to sleep.

Thank you for reading this chapter! Reader folding over the slightest bit of Joel displaying his emotions is so me coded lmao. I will update the finale in two weeks time!

Taglist: @greenwitchfromthewoods @rebeccawinters @cuteanimalmama @rodriguez31 @orcasoul @ashleyfilm @macaroni676 @whirlwindrider29 @vickie5446 @uncassettodiricordi

[nikkicloudie]

Double Shifts

Glenn Powell x SingleMom!Reader

Summary: Going grocery shopping with your daughter(Elena). One moment she was next to you. You look away for one second she's gone. You look everywhere to see her "harassing" a certain actor.

Warning: Change of POV, Elena is an adorable sneaky kid, Glen is good with Elena, and Language, short story

A/N: Maybe this could be a mini-series lmkkkk @sarah-bear706318 for this story! and moodbored!

The one day you wished you didn't need to go shopping but were glad at the same time. It was like your daughter was being your wingman...or wing woman..or wing child..? Doesnt matter all that matters was finding your daughter who was lost in the damn store. "Elena!?" you yelled for her looking everywhere for the little demon.

Everyone kept looking at you like you were crazy like you were talking to an invisible person. But like in the real world, they were unhelpful in finding the demon you love your daughter. "Elena?!" you yelled again pushing the shopping cart god damn you're about to leave all your groceries behind to find her.

But what you didn't know was possible had happened...

"Excuse me, sir" Glen heard a small quiet voice behind him. He turned around to see a small girl who looked no later than 6. Glen looked around to see no one other than the little girl in the aisle with him. Glen kneeled down to her level "Hey there" He said with a small smile "You lost?" he asked. The little girl nodded before she spoke "I can't find my mama..." she said sadly. "Hey don't be sad little one...What's your name?" he asked softly as she looked up at him and tilted her head slightly "Elena..." she said "You look familiar" she says again. Glen raised an eyebrow "Oh?" he says before he could ask Elena smiles.

"You that actor..! My mama says you're a hunk! Whatever that is" she shrugs as Glen chuckles "Oh? Is that so?" He asked as Elena nodded quickly which made him giggle again "Let's go find your mommy ok?" He says grabbing her hand as they walk Elena keeps talking and it makes Glen smile and nod. Then behind him, he heard "Elena!" Which made both of them turn around "Mama!" she yells letting go of Glen's hand and running to you as you hug her.

"God you gave me a heart attack!" You yelled and hugged her more tightly which made Elena frown "I sorry mama" she said quietly "Its ok..."You said softly before looking up at the man who was holding your daughter hand which made your freeze....Glen Fucking Powell. Standing right in front of you. "Holy...Holy shit" you muttered and stands up quickly.

Your daughter looks at Glen "Mama he helped me come find you!" she says smiling as you smile at him "Thank you" as he smiles back at you and Elena. "I should get going though," he says. As he starts to walk away you yell "Wait!" he turns around to look at you "Is there anything I could do...to repay you" which made him chuckle and shake his head "No no it ok it's basic human decency" he says "What about dinner?" you ask softly "My treat" you said again which made him smile.

"Sure...dinner sounds lovely"

[peacheeeliz]

006. DAY SEIZED (wc: 821)

You let out the umpteenth sigh of the hour, staring blankly at the disinterested boy that sat across from you in the library. He types away endlessly at his phone, not even sparing you one glance. You could disappear out of thin air right in front of him, and he would have no idea. How he was able to drown you out so easily was beyond you.

You're about to say something to him before a figure standing at the study room door catches your attention. Mark stands on the other side of the glass, smiling kindly as he waves at you. He raises his other arm, brandishing a plastic bag that you could only assume held the sweet, sweet dinner you had been craving for all day. You're positive Jaemin wouldn't mind, so you motion for him to come in.

Mark enters the study room, soaking in the bright smile that overtook your face; of course, it was for the tacos and not him. But, a man can dream. He places the bag down in front of you, “some refreshments, milady.”

You choke out a laugh, finally catching the attention of your unresponsive student. Jaemin stares up at Mark, finally showing some kind of reaction as a smile grows on his face. “Yooo, Mark Lee?” He starts, standing up to dap up the Canadian man. “Didn't expect to see you of all people here, man.”

“Haha, yeah,” Mark replies, eyeing the boy. As friendly as he usually was with the freshman, he couldn't help but feel disdain as he looked at his playful smile. He was sure that this was the first word he had said all night, and boy, was he correct. “So, Y/N here is tutoring you, right?”

“Yeah, yeah, she's a great teacher,” Jaemin answers, although he had to be honest; he didn't even know your name. You scoff, but he ignores it and continues. “I'm learning so much from her.”

“I could tell, you know, with the lack of notebooks you have out right now,” Mark notes, glancing over how bare his side of the table was. “You must be more of an auditory learner then?”

Jaemin hesitates before nodding slowly. “Yeah, totally,” he breathes out a laugh. “One hundred percent auditory learner.”

“Well, I'm glad you have Y/N as a teacher,” Mark continues, resting his hand on your shoulder. “I mean, she learned from the best. Her older brother, Jung Jaehyun.”

Jaemin's eyes go wide, and for the first time in three days, they finally turn to look at you. “Your brother… is Jung Jaehyun?”

“The one and only,” you answer, sending Mark a questioning glance before looking back at Jaemin. “He, uh, taught me everything I needed to know.”

“Wow,” he breathes out, eyes sparkling. “You've got to keep tutoring me, then.”

“I'd be glad to,” you reply, smiling at the boy's starstruck daze. You slam your textbook shut, bringing the boy back down to Earth. “But, looks like that's time. See you next time, Jaemin.”

The boy nods quickly, almost skipping out of the room in excitement. You struggle to hold in your laughter at the sight, shaking your head as you begin to pack up your things. “Thanks for that,” you tell Mark. “Don't think I would've gotten anything out of that kid if it weren't for you.”

“Oh, it's nothing,” he says, shrugging. “You know, you always complain about the attention you get because of your brother. But I think it can be a gift too.”

“I guess I'll take that into consideration next time,” you nod slowly, throwing your backpack over your shoulders. “And, I guess I also owe you one.”

“Oh, big time,” he responds. “I should be asking you to like, shine my shoes or something.”

You roll your eyes, and as you do so, your eyes flicker to the door behind Mark. You meet his eyes again, smiling at the cheeky smile that plays on his lips. “You should really kiss me right now,” you tell him, watching his mouth go slack.

He wants to question your words, but before he can, you're leaning in. Your lips meet his, and he instantly melts into the kiss. As cheesy as it sounds, fireworks are going off in his head as he reaches up to cup your cheek. But, just as soon as it happened, you pull away with a soft smile.

From behind Mark, Lee Taeyong appears on the other side of the glass door. “Day seized!” He shouts, quickly getting shushed by a nearby librarian.

“We're even,” you tell him, patting his chest before you go to leave.

“A plus, Mark,” Taeyong continues, laughing. “I know a life-changing kiss when I see one.”

Mark continues to stand there in shock, paying no mind to his instructor that dances away. “Yeah, fooled you,” he says to himself, as you were now halfway out of the library.

synopsis ⤏ mark, desperate to talk to the cute girl in his japanese class, forms a study group. who knew that other struggling college students might want to join a study group?

a/n: first kiss only six chapters in let's goooo 🥴🥴

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[cal-daisies-and-briars]

ANOTHER NEW FIC

🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞

YEAH!

129 for 🪞:

---

He asks Angie about it. 

He helps her carry Dove from the hospital out to the parking garage and to her car. She’s fast asleep by this point. Buck feels a little bad about it. She’ll wake up in the car and he’ll be gone and he won’t have said goodbye. Then he remembers she doesn’t even know him. It probably doesn’t matter. Buck places the crocodile on her lap and tries not to feel bad about it. 

“Hey,” he says to Angie after she shuts the passenger seat door. “Why did the staff keep calling her Baby Girl Florek?”

Angie, a kind woman in her late thirties with big hooped earrings, frowns. “Because that’s her legal name.”

“What?” Buck asks. “What kind of name is that?”

“It’s not a name at all,” Angie explains. She sighs. “That’s what happens when a biological parent leaves without officially giving them one. It’s actually a kind of insane story.”

Buck raises a curious eyebrow. He shouldn’t be nosy, but he wants to hear. 

“She was born prematurely,” Angie explains. “Abandoned in the hospital when it was clear she had lung and heart damage from the circumstances of her birth. The nurses in the NICU called her little dove because she made cooing noises rather than crying. That’s where she got the name.”

“Oh my god,” Buck exhales. He feels like he’s going to be sick. 

“Probably one of the craziest stories I’ve heard since I started,” Angie says. “I don’t like to judge, but… Her birth mother flushed her down the toilet of her apartment building. Wait, maybe you heard about it? Firefighters had to cut her out of a pipe.”

Buck’s body goes cold. It couldn’t be…

“Did you hear about it?” Angie asks, noticing his expression. 

Buck nods stiffly. “Uh, early January of 2018? Like, right after New Years?”

Angie thinks. “Her birthdate is listed as January 3rd, 2018.”

Buck swallows heavily. “Yeah, I… I was there.”

“What?” Angie gapes. “You were?”

“Yeah,” Buck rasps in affirmation. “I… I was only four months on the job. I carried her down the stairs and I… I held her…I…”

He already held her. He held her before today. 

Buck looks at the girl in the car, through the lightly tinted windows. He can barely make out her face. 

He held her, and he carried her, and he promised she’d be okay. And then they took her to the hospital, and he wasn’t allowed to go beyond the glass doors. He wasn’t allowed to check up on her. And… And she was abandoned. She was sick and had no one. No one even loved her enough to name her. No one has since. 

Buck’s eyes start to sting. His throat feels tight 

“What an insane coincidence,” Angie says. “Oh my god.”

“Yeah,” Buck breathes. “A coincidence.” 

ii.

Dove becomes a sort of splinter in his thumb. Well, not Dove, specifically. But her story. The truth of her. What she means for one of those very first big, important calls in his memory of a firefighter. 

Everything about it seems so sour now. So awful. Like he’s done something wrong, even though he never meant to. He just did his job. 

He tries to go about life normally, and he can. But he can’t stop thinking about her. She’s stuck in his brain, unmovable. This is nothing new for him. He has always been one to fixate. Grasp with an iron grip. But because of that splinter, the grip aches. And he doesn’t know how to relieve that hurt. 

He tells the team. Of course, Hen and Chim remember that day well. 

“The day you nearly lost your job,” Hen says.

“That would come next shift,” Chim adds. 

“Man, I can’t believe that kid was the Pipe Baby,” Eddie, who has heard the story several times, says. 

“You can’t call her Pipe Baby,” Buck scolds. “That’s awful. You know her name is Dove. Kind of.”

“Like the soap?” Chim asks. 

“No, man, like the bird,” Eddie corrects. “You really need to take the girls on a hike. Go see some nature.”

Chim scowls at him.

“Guys!” Buck snaps at them, redirecting the attention back to him. “This is serious!”

Hen rests a soothing hand on his shoulder. “It’s hard, what some of these kids go through. I know.”

“No one has ever given her a name, Hen,” Buck says. “We saved that kid and then what? Nobody ever wanted to give her a family?”

“Buck, we can’t be responsible for what happens to every kid that we save after we’re done saving them,” Chim says, tone turning serious. “You know that.”

“I know,” Buck sighs. “I do. I just can’t shake the feeling that someone needs to do something for this little girl.”

“Someone, huh?” Hen replies. “A whole lot of people need someone to help them. Someone needs to step up and do it, or it never gets done.”

Buck blinks. She’s right of course. It’s easy to say that about any problem in the world. If someone doesn’t take ownership and commit to making a difference, who will? And Dove needs help. A home. Someone to adopt her and give her a real name. Buck can help with that. He will just have to find someone to do it. Surely there is someone out there in the world looking for a cute, sweet little kid to complete their family.

Should be a breeze.

“You’re right, Hen,” Buck nods confidently. 

He doesn’t say anything more about it that day. 

▪️▪️▪️

He calls Angie after his shift. He doesn’t exactly have her number, but her work phone is easy enough to find online. 

She answers after so many rings that Buck is almost ready to give up.

“Yes?” She says a little sharply. “God, I mean hello. Sorry! This is Angie Hughes. It’s been a day, I’m sorry!”

“Hey, it’s okay!” Buck answers. “Sorry, is now a good time?”

“Uh, well, no? Who is this?”

[kaurwreck]

y'all, his name is not shuro, I am begging you to stop emulating laios's microaggression.

[shmowder]

just need to vent about the Olympics

[quietwingsinthesky]

important part of this au is that the doctor has always called her river, while everyone else has called her melody, and he. he does only call her river because that’s his wife’s name. and now melody is going to make herself his wife whether he’s ready for that or not <3

[yueebby]

12:03 pm  — gojo satoru

synopsis. gojo tries to convince his first years that he was able to pull you.

contents. fluff, crack??, whipped!gojo, mentions of having a kid, he is SO in love with his wife it's disgusting, the first years are sick of their teacher

“[name] sensei is a good looking woman, isn’t she?” yuji remarked, nonchalantly propping his feet up on the desk. “you think so too, right gojo sensei?”

a sly smile played on the corners of gojo's lips, eventually blossoming into a wide, dreamy grin. “good eye yuji! she's undeniably the most beautiful woman on this planet.”

megumi, seated at the desk beside yuji, couldn't hide his grimace.

nobara's expression mirrored that of a disgruntled sea urchin. “dream big, you two. she’s way outta both of your leagues.”

“she is, isn’t she?” gojo sighs dreamily, his gaze far away. a dopey grin settles over his face; like a man walking on air. it was deeply unsettling to the first years to see a grown man behave this way.

megumi rolled his eyes and muttered his disapproval, choosing to ignore his sensei, who had casually seated himself backwards on a chair.

gojo propped his chin with both of his palms, leaning closer into the first years students. “do you think i’d stand a chance with a woman like her?”

megumi buried his face in his hands, audibly groaning in response.

“a sensible woman like that and you? fat chance.” nobara deadpanned, squinting disapprovingly at her teacher. her negative comments elicit a grunt from the snow-haired man.

yuji’s eyes flit nervously from kugisaki to gojo. 

“sensei! i think you have a chance with [name] sensei!” yuji tried to reassure his white haired teacher, offering a thumbs-up. gojo responded by affectionately ruffling yuji’s hair.

megumi couldn’t help but speak up. “she’s a married woman, you know,” he mutters to his friend.

yuji’s eyes widened,  “you’re kidding! who do you think got the honor?” 

“but she’s so young!” kugisaki exclaimed, slamming her hand on the table. 

their discussion is cut short when the shoji doors of the classroom slide open abruptly.

with hands on your hips, you stood sternly before your first year students and their teacher, an air of authority about you.

satoru couldn't help but gulp; you were indeed captivating when you were upset. it’s not his fault that you look so cute when your eyebrows furrow and you puff up in anger.

“i waited for half an hour in the courtyard to start today’s lesson and yet here i find my students, along with their sensei who should be in kyoto for a meeting.” a wry smile graced your lips, sending a chill down everyone’s spine. the three first years bowed their heads in shame.

yuji thinks this is the first time he’s seen his teacher nervous. a bead of sweat appears on the side of gojo’s face.

“honey!” he quickly stands up and walks towards you. with every step he takes, nobara’s face scrunches up at his disgusting conduct. 

“don’t.” you warned, raising a finger up to keep satoru at an arm’s length. he respected your wishes to some extent, grasping your hand and placing it within the hold of his own. the diamond on your ring finger glistened as satoru toyed with it.

gasps filled the room as yuji and nobara observed the display of affection. just how inappropriate could their sensei get, and why were you allowing it? what would your husband think?

satoru tenderly caressed your hand in his, cradling it as he leaned in closer. “please forgive me; it was an honest mistake.”

“honest mistake my ass. yaga told me that this is the second meeting you’ve skipped out this month,” you stated, peering fiercely into his blindfolded eyes. satoru’s cocky demeanor wavered, replaced by a nervous chuckle.

“the first time was when i took you to naha, remember?” he wiggles his eyebrows suggestively. “and if i remember correctly, you enjoyed our night out,” your eyes widened, recalling the romantic trip satoru had organized. 

feeling the heat rise to your cheeks, you attempted to pull away, but his grip on your hand tightened.

“forgive me?” his voice softened, lips curving downward, giving him the appearance of a dejected kitten.

a sigh escapes your lips. he was going to be the death of you.

“fine. but this is the last time,” you warned, “and you owe me for covering for you.”

satoru straightened up, nodding fervently. “have i mentioned how much i love you?” wrapping an arm around you, he placed a kiss on the top of your head, despite your futile attempts to stop him.

“this is…” yuji’s jaw dropped.

“so inappropriate! shame on you!” nobara’s chair makes a harsh screech with how fast she leaves it to come to your aid. 

“kugisaki–” you attempted to calm her down, but she clung to your elbow, desperately trying to pry you from satoru’s embrace.

satoru’s hold on you tightened as he wrapped his other arm around your frame, pulling you close. he plops his chin on top of your head and resists nobara’s attempts to free you. like hell he’s letting anybody take his girl, not even his own student.

“crushing on a married woman is one thing, but to openly flirt with her– ” kugisaki struggled. you tilt your head in confusion. 

satoru’s strong arms flexed as he fought to maintain his hold on you. he nuzzled your neck. “’m fine right here,” he inhaled deeply, as if trying to take in as much of you as possible.

“[name] sensei! how can you stand there and let this man disrespect your marriage?!” nobara implored, wide-eyed, disregarding all respect she had for her teacher.  “how will your husband react when he finds how gojo sensei behaves around you?” she looks desperate, and you want to laugh at the sincerity behind her actions. you get it now.

only your idiot husband would pull a stunt like this.

“i hope your husband can fight because i’m willing to fight him to the death for your hand,” satoru mutters from your neck. you take your hand from nobara’s shoulders to shove the six-foot-three giant away.

“you seriously didn’t tell them, satoru?” you ignored his whiney protests as you created distance between the two of you. 

“tell us what?” kugisaki demanded. yuji was on the edge of his seat, nervously watching the unfolding scene, while megumi put his head down in embarrassment.

satoru looks at you with a deep frown on his face. uncertainty clouds your mind as his silence forebodes something. wetting his lips with his tongue, he quickly closed the gap between you, too fast for you to escape. a secure hand rested on your lower waist as your husband dipped you down to deepen the kiss. 

had you not been so absorbed into the kiss, you would have heard the scandalized gasps from your students.

you managed to place a hand on his chest to separate yourselves, “satoru, stop.” his eyes remained fixed on your lips, but he complied.

“yuji, nobara.. satoru and i are–” you hold up your ring finger for display.

“happily married!” your husband finished for you, a triumphant smile on his face. he squeezed you close, throwing up a peace sign. “been madly in love since i met her!” 

“what– no way! you pulled her?!” nobara spluttered, head whipping from satoru to you, unable to wrap her mind around the revelation.

yuji’s jaw is still on the floor, “megumi, you knew about this?!”

the sea urchin looks the other direction, avoiding his friends’ judgemental gazes.

“they… raised me.. sorta..” he mumbles under his breath. your heart melts at his confession. unlike you, the other first years don't take too kindly to his comment, as they start shaking him by the shoulder and starting their own interrogation.

“and we did a good job too! don’t you think we’re ready for our own?” satoru smiles down at you jokingly, his hands snaking around your waist and his hands sneaking onto your stomach. he leaves a couple of soft pats. 

“you’re cuter when you’re quiet, y’know?” you whispered. taking advantage of your students' attention on megumi, you place a single finger on his lips, hoping your husband does not notice the way your face feels like it is on fire. 

he does.

“no need to be shy now,” satoru said, grinning wolfishly, “we’ll continue this at home.”

your face flushes even deeper.

unbeknownst to you, the first years had fallen silent, observing how gojo whispered in your ear, successfully turning you into a flustered mess. perhaps they should give more credit to their sensei.

notes. not proof read (oh no). this was just a random scenario that has been plaguing my mind during halloweekend so i typed it on my phone at a party LOL this is me desperately trying to get out of my writing slump

[inkskinned]

what is with men being mad any time a woman raises her voice where did that even come from. someone posted a video of a small electrical explosion, and the top comment was of course the woman screams. the second comment is women try not to scream challenge, level impossible. i had to go back and watch the video again. there is, somewhat fainty, a little gasp emitted off-camera, more of a yelp than a scream. it is mostly lost in the crack of the explosion. afterwards, you hear her voice, shaken, say, are you okay?

i am helping one of my friends train her voice pitch lower, because she wants to be taken seriously at work. she and i do each other's nails and talk about gender roles; and how - due to our appearance - neither of us have ever been able to be "hysterical" in public. we both appear young and sweet and feminine. she is cisgender, and cannot use her natural voice in her profession because people keep saying she appears to be "vapid". we both try to figure out if our purposeful voice lowering is technically sexist. is it promoting something when you are a victim to it?

a storm almost sends a pole through a car window. in the dashcam, you can hear the woman passenger say her partner's name twice, crying out in alarm. she sounds terrified. in the comments, she is lambasted for her lack of calm. how is that even fucking helping?

in high school, i taught myself to have a lower voice. i had been recorded when i was genuinely (and righteously) upset; and i hated how my voice sounded on the phone speakers when it was played back. i was defending my mom, and my voice cracked with emotion. it meant i was no longer winning the argument: i was just shrieking about it.

girls meet each other after a long summer and let out a little joyful scream. this usually stops around 12-14, because people will not tolerate this display of affection (as it has the effect of being passingly annoying). something about the fact that little girls can't ever even be annoying. we are trained to examine each part of our lives (even joy) for anything that could make us upsetting and disgusting. they act like teenage girls are breaking into houses and shrieking you awake at 3 in the morning. speaking as a public school educator: trust me, it's not that bad, you can just roll your eyes and move on. it does not compare to the ways boys end up being annoying: slurs in graffiti, purposefully mocking your body, following you after you said no. you know, just boy things.

there's another video of a man who is not allowed to yell in the house, so he snaps his fingers when he's excited about soccer. the comments are full of angry men, talking about how their brother is unfairly caged. let him express himself and this is terrible to do to someone. eventually the couple has to address it in a second video: they are married with a newborn baby. he was trying not to wake the infant up. there is no comment on the fact women are not allowed to yell indoors. or the fact that it could have been really alarming or triggering for his wife. sometimes i wonder if straight men even like women, if they even enjoy being in relationships with them.

for the longest time, i hated roller coasters because it always felt inappropriate and uncomfortable for me to scream. one of my friends called me on it, said it was unusual i'm so unwilling. i had to go to my therapist about it. i don't like to scream because i was not raised in a safe situation, and raising my voice would have brought unsafe attention towards me. even when i am supposed to scream, it feels shameful, guilty. i was not treated kindly, so i lack a basic form of self-protection. this is not a natural response. it is not good that in a situation of high adrenaline - i shut up about it.

something very bad is happening, i think. in between all the beauty standards and the stuff i've already discussed - this one feels new and cruel in a way i can't quite express. yes, it's scary and silencing. but there's something about how direct it is - that so many men agree with the sentiment that women should never yell, even in an emergency - it feels different.

is the word shriek gendered automatically? how about shrill or screech? in self defense class, one of the first things they tell you is to yell, as loud and as shrilly as you can. they say it will feel rude. most women will not do this. you need to practice overcoming the social pressure and just scream.

most women do not cry out, even when it's bad. we do not report it. we walk faster. we do not make a scene. what would be the point of doing anything else? no matter what we do, we don't get taken seriously. it is a joke to them. an instagram caption punchline. we have to present ourselves as silent, beautiful, captivating - "valuable."

a woman is outside watching her kids when someone throws a firecracker at them. she screams and runs towards her children. in the comments, grown men flock together in the thousands: god. women are so annoying.

[lovegasmic]

 𝜗𝜚 HOW THEY HIT ON YOU

─── . satoru , suguru , sukuna , kento, toji x f!reader

꒰ request : jjk men noticing you during a night out ꒱

꒰ fluff : curseless au ◞ maybe ooc Satoru and Suguru◞ mentions of reader drinking ◞ suggestive and a bit of touching w Toji ꒱ ★ taglist

࣪ ִֶָ☾.  SATORU

it’s even a little bit funny the way Satoru eyes you up and down, casually sipping on a non alcoholic beverage while fixing his sunglasses, not subtle in the slightest, there is to add, not as if he actually tried.

an elbow straight into Suguru’s waist and the dark haired man groans, “fucker...”

“look at that girl over there” Satoru, again, does nothing to be subtle, motioning towards you standing at the bar with a friend.

“the one you’ve been ogling at while I talk?”

“isn’t she so pretty?”

it’s like talking to a damn wall.

“i’m going to talk to her”

yet Suguru raises a brow as if the sudden approach was not a good idea, “you sure man, she looks kinda busy with her fri—”

and he’s gone, walking with confidence and a smirk to mask the actual nervousness rushing through the white haired’s body.

“hey” is the first thing he says, elbow propped up on the bar next to you, “can I get you a drink?” eyes drop to the glass on your hand, “... another?”

that did not start well, but your smile makes up for the embarrassment, “sure” you say finally, after a second of knowing glances towards your friend, which didn’t go unnoticed by Satoru, so by reflex, the cocky smirk is back.

he orders a drink, asking for your order or perhaps if you’re feeling adventurous, “and while we’re at it... can I have your name?”

࣪ ִֶָ☾. SUGURU

“the trick is to aim for the head” Suguru casually blurts out. mansplaining? nah, he’s genuinely trying to help after watching you struggle in the claw machine for quite some time now, having come up next to you with soft, light steps that did not break your previous concentration.

the truth is, Suguru was looking at you earlier, something about your determination made him prop his cheek on a hand and look at you, entertained by your groans and complaints whenever the plushie you were trying to get just slipped past the cough, broken claw.

“this game is broken either way” you huff a laugh, turning to stare at the eyes of the stranger man, with a soft gaze and gentle smile, “wanna give it a try?”

“only if you tell me your name first” so that’s how he does it. you thought to yourself, offering a chuckle and your name before he nodded his head, “i’m Suguru”

then he’s gently moving you around, with a hand on your lower back so you’re switching positions, sliding a coin into the slot and getting into position.

it was truly not as if he tried to impress you, he did not, but... maybe... just maybe he did, pulling out all his highschool knowledge learnt from his best friends, and avoiding the part where they all shook the machine when didn’t get a prize.

“is that the one you want?” he really did not need to ask since he already saw you struggle to get it, but still waits for your affirmation before proceeding.

“you really are a magician or something” you chuckle, gripping the plushie Suguru just got for you, “thank you”

“no need to thank me... why don’t you... just give me your phone number?”

࣪ ִֶָ☾.  SUKUNA

approaching you? pfft no. the... tv screen was more visible from the spot Sukuna currently sat at the sports bar, an important match was happening so the bar was crowded, and oh, coincidentally, he chose a table coincidentally closer to where you sat with other people.

when the night started, Sukuna was focused on the game, until of course, you arrived, and his heart skipped a beat.

“that guy is so into you” one of your friends giggles next to your ear, eyeing at Sukuna while you roll your eyes.

“where did you get that from?” it was obvious the man was not interested, with a lazy position, arms draped over the backrest of the booth and a leg crossed, so uninterested.

“he’s totally into you, I can sense this kind of thing, plus, he stared at you when you went to the bathroom”

that... was true, Sukuna couldn’t help and let his eyes drift from the screen and towards you, checking you out in a way that was apparently not too subtle.

but he was not desperate, he was not the one to approach first, girls fell for him, girls wanted his attention, girls that weren’t as half as pretty as you.

“fuck” he grumbles, annoyed by his own feelings while suddenly and quite unexpectedly standing up to go to the toilet, only for you to land face first into his chest as you were about to leave.

“oh, god, i’m so sorry!" you gasp, noticing the stain of food on his shirt from where your leftovers package smashed into him. and Sukuna should be mad, really, but it was so cute how you rambled apologies and clumsily wiped the stain with napkins.

“i didn’t mean it, i—”

“it was quite expensive”

...huh?, “huh?”

“the shirt” he mutters, the previous stoic expression turning into a devilish smirk, Sukuna was an idiot, watching the color drain from your face, “you better pay it back”

“i... i can tr—”

“do you have somewhere to go after this?”

࣪ ִֶָ☾.  KENTO

for the blonde, there was no better way than destressing after a long day at work, then getting drinks.

hopefully without his annoying white haired coworker getting on his nerves.

he often does not care about his surroundings, that’s how he is, quietly taking his own drinks without minding everyone, until you arrive.

you look troubled, it’s been a while since you got in and sat at a table in the back, are you sad? lost? did your friends cancel on you? or are you just awfully early to meet someone?

doesn’t matter, but Kento is unable to keep his eyes off you.

he’s being nice, alright? “can I sit with you?” somehow getting up from his seat and coming to you, his smile is kind and points at the now empty table he was previously at, “i came alone, might as well have some company” he says, holding back the need to say ‘pretty company’

“of course” you know he means no harm, sitting quite far in a still polite distance while clearing his throat and engaging in small talk.

without realising the hours pass, between friendly chatter and introductions exchanged, leaving the bar with a promise of a future date.

࣪ ִֶָ☾.  TOJI

“did you see the hunk standing at the back?” you and your friend giggle, not so subtly stealing glances at Toji, whose casual pose leaning against a wall and hand holding some cheap beer was enough to make most people at the bar swoon.

“you should talk to him” your friend wiggles her brows playfully, “he’s so your type”

“he’s hot, but kinda looks like a criminal...”

“you love that, don’t you?” and ouch, she was right.

and said comment did not go unnoticed by Toji, who was far but not too much as not to hear your giggling, truth is he was eyeing you for a while, eyes on how your outfit showed your body, and how he wished to come a bit closer and smell what perfume you used.

Toji has never been a man to mince his words, gulping down the rest of his beer and walking to you with a smirk and a brief flirty lick of his teeth as soon as your friend rushed to give you some privacy while still remaining within an earshot.

“have some business with me, doll?” and oh, that should not have been so hot, making you squirm and face heat from being caught.

“i um, no ...?”

“you and your friend have been looking at me for a while” she’s quick to flee after hearing that, not waiting to see how Toji’s hand casually rests on your waist, subtly and almost unnoticeable tugging you closer.

“i’d offer to get you a drink but I think you had enough” liar, he just didn’t have money, “so why don’t we get some fresh air instead?” and you fall for it, squirming and nodding at the promise of what would happen later, or perhaps, at the alley next to the bar.

[princessbrunette]

hi princess! I was just thinking about shy!reader ending rafe nudes for the first time 🫣 can u pls write abt it

⊹ ~ ⊹ ~ ݁. 🎀 ݁.⊹୨🐰୧ ⊹ . ݁🎀 . ݁~ ⊹ ~ ⊹

he wasn’t expecting it. he thought he’d have to work harder for you to open up like that.

it was toppers turn to swing, the group of them playing golf at the country club. rafe scowls in the sun, staring across the hills in thought knowing his younger friend often took ages to line up and get a good swing in. just as he was wondering what you would be up to right about now, lifting his wrist to check the time — his phone dings with a text and he reaches into his pocket, eyes lighting up in intrigue upon seeing it was your name on the screen, with one attachment.

he clicks on the picture and freezes.

it’s a selfie, you sat infront of the mirror in your bedroom. however, you look askew — clearly hot and flustered with your dress disheveled, one sleeve hanging off your shoulder nearly exposing your tit and the hem pulled up around your waist. you’ve got no panties on, legs open with your knees pointing up and feet flat to the floor and in the image you’re spreading your sloppy, wet cunt with your fingers, a mess of your own arousal coating you. the image is paired with a simple caption — ‘please come to my house i miss u :(’

now you were shy, like — hardcore shy. shit, it took you a while to even let rafe touch on you and fuck you without getting overwhelmed and wanting to cry everytime he looked at you. he couldn’t believe his eyes.

“holy shit. hooooly shit.” he drawls, beginning to pace a little, staring at the image and zooming in. topper gets distracted, turning his head.

“whats up?” he asks as rafe types a quick ‘Give me 15 mins baby’ into his keyboard. rafe glances up, lips parted at his two friends, staring at him for answers.

“shit uh, nah… nah don’t worry.”

he pockets his phone, looking to start packing up his stuff.

“nah c’mon man, what happened?” kelce comes towards him with a friendly grin and rafe lightly shoves him back by the shoulder, walking past to the golf buggy.

“i said don’t worry, alright? i uh, gotta roll though. see you guys around.” rafe punctuates his sentence with a scoffed chuckle of disbelief, swinging his golf bag over his shoulder.

“did… did something happen?” topper shakes his head.

“look, i gotta go see my girl alright, said she needs me. sending me pictures of her pussy all spread out n’shit. respectfully, m’not spending another minute with you suckers.” rafe holds up his hands, biting the bait and telling them anyway. he couldn’t help himself, at the end of the day; a boy.

kelce laughs in shock and toppers eyebrows raise, eyes widening as he says your name in questioning confirmation.

“yeah, who the fuck else?” rafe collects his last club from the buggy, slotting it into the bag.

“what— she’s like, the sweetest girl i know. super shy though, am i wrong?” topper seems in just as much as disbelief as rafe, who shrugs, beginning to walk backwards away from his friends.

“so i thought.” rafe calls out with a smirk, arms wide by his side before he spins around to make his way swiftly to your house to show him how much he appreciated your little text message gift.

⊹ ~ ⊹ ~ ݁. 🎀 ݁.⊹୨🐰୧ ⊹ . ݁🎀 . ݁~ ⊹ ~ ⊹

[hqkalon]

𝐀𝐂𝐂𝐈𝐃𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐀𝐋𝐋𝐘 𝐃𝐈𝐒𝐂𝐎𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐊𝐈𝐍𝐊 | jjk men

cont. voice kink, lots of teasing, public teasing, choking kink, voyeurism kink, petnames, praise kink | pairings : nanami , toji , gojo , sukuna , and getou x reader

an : for the millionth writing, this piece is not proofread lmfao— so a future apology for any writing error (:

𝐍𝐀𝐌𝐀𝐌𝐈 it was a total accident, he’s usually a very affectionate man who loves touching everywhere on your body— whether that be his arm around your waist, or cutely holding hands. Though underneath tables and closed doors, he seems to be a different man.

a double date with each couple on side of the table? “that’s so cute, how did the two of you meet?” a voice across the table excitedly asked, “oh we met at a local bak-” you hesitated, feeling nanami’s ice-cold fingers snaked inside of your dress, “bakery.” nanami’s nonchalant tone replied innocently. hand stills caressing your bare thigh, before meeting your eyes as he leaned in. “naughty girl. stay still and keep quiet.” his lips brushing the heat of your ear as a hushed hiccup left your mouth, feeling the pads of his finger against your clothed clit. “she was a cashier who always added extra pastries in my bag.” nanami sat up and continued on without an ounce of suspicion.

𝐓𝐎𝐉𝐈 his voice always had a natural sternness, which you’ve subconsciously obliged to; along with his husky voice, stringing out each contestant so perfectly like a feather floating in the wind. He knew his tone made you feel a certain way, but not necessarily his voice.

“how about this one?” you turned around, displaying the white strawberry panties in your hand, watching toji examine it in approval. “yeah it’s cute.” his eyes directed elsewhere, “don’t lie if you don’t like it.” aggravation trailed through your tone, “you can leave if you aren’t gonna help.” a small gust of air hit you as toji’s hand gripped your upper, locking you in place. “how about i stuff those panties in that cute little mouth of yours hm? maybe then i’ll help.” his tone maliced with lust— your head whipped around instantly as heat bubbled within your tummy, “hah? what’s wrong with you?” your palm against your mouth, “n-nothing let’s go.” you casually tried to brush the feeling off, locking onto toji’s arm. “my voice affects you that much?” your hand slapped your ear as heat flooded your face, “cute.”

𝐆𝐎𝐉𝐎 he’s always been a tease just throwing out random allegations with a condescending outline behind his sentence. of course he’d be utterly amused once he’s correct, teasing you non-stop— watching you hide your face in embarrassment.

“wait like this?” you softly glided the razors against gojo’s lower jaw as his hands wrapped lazily around your hips. “mhmm, you’re doing a good job angel.” he hummed with his eyes closed, your hand tilting his head backwards. “thankss.” you continued dragging the blade before gojo’s hand cupped yours. “why are you saying thank you?” he questioned chuckling “ya got a praise kink?” his ocean eyes opened, meeting yours as you quickly looked away. “w-what?” you decided to play dumb, feeling heat pour to your face. his arms tightened around your waist pulling you closer to him, “just continue shaving my face pretty girl.” his tone innocently brushing the situation off as you began your movements again this time fully aware of any praise. “good girl.” gojo teased, looking at your reaction through the mirror. “shut up toru .”

𝐒𝐔𝐊𝐔𝐍𝐀 such a cunning motherfucker when he finds out— similar to gojo, but much primal with it. he acts like he’s always knew that you’ve had such a kink, but wanted to wait till you announced it.

“such a brat.” sukuna scoffed watching you storm towards him, knowing how much his condescending tone sets you off. “kuna i told you about that name.” you pounced onto him, playfully raising a hand before feeling fingers wrap around your throat. “yeah you did.” his lips curled into a grin watching your movements falter as he pulled you near him, “what’s the matter brat?” his tone twisted with mischief, “move your hands.” you demanded with a hand tugging at his. “what’s the magic word princess.” his hand slightly tightened around your throat as a small mewl left your lips. “please..” you asked, adverting your eyes away from his— feeling his hand release. “atta girl.”

𝐆𝐄𝐓𝐎 nonchalant about it, BUT once the two of you get to a secluded area he’s on your ass. touching and groping your body non-stop because he wants to see it first hand himself. definitely had to bite back his horniness (failed).

"maybe i'll just cut my hair to my shoulder then?" geto questioned in question for you as you just shook your head side to side. "no geto don't cut your hair." you sighed reaching a hand out to play with his hair. "why not?" his eyebrow raised, turning within your direction. "beauseee it's pretty like this." you stressed out the vowels, meeting his eyes as he grinned before pursing hsi lips together. "i just remembered something.." a brief moment of silence passed by before you hummed in reponses waiting for his answer, "you know… you always tug my hair." his eyes glued to yours as you sat there confused. “what?” you laughed in question, “when your layed out with legs s—” his words muffled against your palm before grabbing your wrist with his hand, kissing the inside of your hand. “w-what are you doing?!” you stuttered out before snatching your hand— trying to bite back the embarrassment. “you’re too cute”

[lxnarphase]

BITCH, YOU KNOW I'M SEXY ᯓ★

━━ ❝ I'M NOT YOUR MOMMY, N★GGA! FIND A NEW HOBBY, N★GGA! ❞ wc. 5.4k

ᯓ ❤︎₊‧⁺...synopsis : being toji's roommate, you finally snap after another night of not being able to sleep because of his damn late-night hookups. your house, your rules.

ᯓ ❤︎₊‧⁺...cw : blk!fem!reader x f. toji, frenemies to lovers, smut, face-sitting + pussy eating, dumbification, degradation, praise kink, dirty talk, playful arguing, hair pulling, size kink, begging, riding, unprotected sex (do not do this in real life omfg), dom-ish reader, sub-ish toji, lots of pet names, toji being an asshole, toji gets called a 'good boy' a few times

ᯓ ❤︎₊‧⁺...lunar's notes : toji toji toji, what am i going to do with you...anyways, this was super fun and i love these two so much and i need them to go out on a date properly at some point ! if you want to be tagged for the future posts, comment on the main post here ! enjoy baddies ❤︎

you love sleep. absolutely love and cherish it, even.

every night, you follow the routine you set for yourself without fail: hot shower, slipping into some comfy PJs, in-depth skincare, brushing your teeth, and then pulling your bonnet on.

nothing is better than slipping into bed, soft sheets feeling sooo good on your skin. yes, you absolutely love sleep.

except it seems that your roommate has no respect for your need for rest, considering how many times you've had to hear the high-pitched whining of women paired with the annoying thud of the headboard against the wall.

he better not damage the wall either, because he will be the one paying for it.

you both were...sort of friends, sure, but ever since you both graduated college, toji has been doing his best to get on your nerves. constantly picking on you, teasing you, or doing stupid shit that annoys the fuck out of you. especially whenever he leaves the fucking toilet seat up in the middle of the night.

and every time he hears you squeal late at night in the bathroom before shouting his name, he can't help but laugh.

eventually, it went from him just doing things to inconvenience or mess with you to this. and you were tired.

these nightly...activities of his need to be addressed because you are not letting a man of all things be the reason you can't sleep soundly at night. this is your apartment, after all!

it's a friday night and you just know you need to talk to him before you have to hear some woman fighting for her life of toji does...whatever he does that has all these women coming in and out of your apartment like it's a damn brothel...okay, well, it was the same two women, but still!

so that's how you find yourself, pounding on his door, sleepy, tired, and irritated in your hello kitty pajama pants and an oversized t-shirt, ready to get in bed and actually sleep.

"fushiguro, open this damn door," you command, fluffy slipper tapping on the floor as you wait for him to open his door. after a minute, you hear a groan and the shuffling of sheets before the door swings open.

toji stands in the doorway, only in a pair of sweatpants that hang low on his hips with an eyebrow raised as he looks down at you. you don't care how hot he looks, you want nothing more than to wipe that look off his face, hating how smug he looks.

"whaddya want? 's she here already? told 'er not to come for another 2 hours," he mumbles, scratching at the scar on his lip. you're silent for a moment, processing what he just said. "who......no. nononono. absolutely not, tell whoever you are expecting she is not coming into my apartment."

crossing your arms, you fix him with a tough look. sure, you know you aren't the scariest thing, especially in hello kitty pants and puffy slippers, but it doesn't matter! he is going to respect your wishes or...or else!

"aww, what's wrong, doll? can't sleep," he teases, voice low and sinfully smooth as smirk finds its way onto his face. "guess ya should've invested in those headphone y'keep talkin' about so much. can't help that 'm just that good that the girlies can't keep their mouths shut."

having you in front of his bedroom door like this...it's so fucking adorable to him, you were just so cute and didn't have a single clue, did you? complaining that he and his little playthings were too loud and keeping you up was not what he expected. but, toji won't lie, he's genuinely surprised it took you so long to finally say something.

it seems his little comment struck a cord, his smirk getting bigger when your eyes get just a bit wider in disbelief. man, you were so fucking cute like this, all angry and huffy.

"okay, first of all, those headphones are NOT comfy to sleep with at night. and i'm not dropping almost $400 dollars on something so that i can accommodate for you," you argue, stepping forward and jabbing your finger into his stupidly big chest.

no, seriously, why were his pecs almost bigger than your tits?

"can you please just let me sleep for one night, or are you that sex deprived you can't go a single night without getting your dick wet?"

whatever this new side of you was, he liked it.

"aww, sounds like little princess s' mad no one's fuckin' her right. ya not gettin' fucked good, pipsqueak? haven't seen yer boy-toy around lately anyways.

"god, that's—that's none of your fucking business, fushiguro, shut up!"

"make me."

you blink.

a moment passes...and suddenly, your eyes are sharp.

ah...he might've fucked up with those two simple words.

"...you know what? i will, you annoying fuck."

catching toji off guard, you shove him back, taking advantage of him stumbling to walk inside his room as you slam the door shut behind you. a light chuckle escapes him, eyebrows raises. "so, the little kitten does have claws," he says with a grin.

his little roommate seems to have grown a pair of balls. what is she gonna do? hit him with pillows, curse him out, kick him out? pffft, if you kicked him out he would know you needed sleep, you both have been friends for too long...right?

as toji gets slightly worried he might've genuinely crossed a line (a bit too late to realize that, he realizes), you push him onto his bed, standing between his legs.

oh.

oh, he...he likes you from his angle, looking down at him with a little bit of a pout on those pretty full lips of yours as you try soooo hard to look angry and scary. but how can he be scared when his roommate, the one he's been fucking his hand for, looks so fucking cute?

curly hair a bit frizzy and messy (he's surprised you don't have your bonnet on yet), smelling like cocoa butter and that strawberry shortcake body spray that haunts him at night. and now you're in his fucking room. he'd never be able to escape it now.

fuck, every time you came close to him, he just suddenly couldn't process anything except you...he needed to get a grip.

propping himself up on his elbows, toji locks eyes with you, playing off his surprise. "what's gotten into ya, roomie? so aggressive, might have t' call shiu to come get you," he attempts to playfully poke. the tension in the room grows when you start to massage your temples, trying to calm down.

in.

out.

in.

out.

in-

"well, if lack of sleep is gettin' you all huffed up like this, i gotta couple o' ways t' tire ya out if y'need."

"oh my god, y'talk too fucking much," you grumble.

toji opens his mouth, ready to make another smart comment but he's shocked into silence when you tug your pajama pants off. there's no fucking way this is real. toji knows he has to be dreaming and knowing he'd be waking up with a wet spot in his pants if he didn't wake up soon.

and...are you wearing hello kitty boxer briefs too? god, you're such a fucking dork, it's cute and it's only making him harder in his pants.

but all of that is forgotten when you hook your fingers in the waistband of those stupid looking boxers and drag them down those pretty legs and toji gets a glimpse of your cute, pudgy tummy and...and....

fuck.

he doesn't even get a chance to think, he's so fucking hard. you're fucking half naked in his room right now and he can't tear his eyes away from how soft you look, that little patch of hair (is it shaped like a fucking heart? jesus fucking christ, you were serious about making yourself feel pretty everywhere), god, he's so fucked.

"shit. someone's eager. just couldn' wait to-"

"i'm so sick of you," you cut off, pushing him down onto the bed, crawling up his chest. you give him a look, one that he instantly understands and he smirks, giving you a nod before you continue moving until your hips hover over his face.

the smirk melts off his face when he realizes how real this is. your bare pussy is literally mere inches away from his mouth, so close he can practically taste you.

he's not gonna make it out of this alive, is he?

when you see him about to open his mouth to make another stupid comment, you move, pressing your hips down onto his face, shutting him up. "you wanna use your mouth so much, toj? i'll give you somethin' to use it on."

toji's response is just a muffled groan, his eyes fluttering a little. his hands move up to grip your thighs to steady you and also keep you on his face. he hasn't even tasted you, but shit, you smell so good.

wasting no more time, his tongue hungrily darts out, desperate to taste you. the moment he licks over your folds, he's sighing, melting into the bed. you're so soft, so sweet and he hasn't even gotten a taste from the main source. pulling you down onto his face a bit harder, toji finally swipes through your cunt and he's addicted.

"mmh, fuck," he grunts, burying his face as deep as possible. what the actual fuck are you made of, he thinks to himself. you taste so sweet, he's getting so dizzy as he starts to messily lap up all the slick dripping from your pussy. he barely pulls away from you to breathe, taking just a second to part, his hot breath fanning against the wet mess between your legs before he dives right back in, his low groans resonating against your core so nicely.

toji slurps loudly at your cunt, unable to stop himself from rolling his hips up, the friction of his sweats on his cock a sweet relief. he's so sure this is heaven, thanking whatever god there is for making you snap to this point but then you start talking.

you sigh, hips gently rocking against toji's face as your eyes open to look down your body at him. "mmn, 's better," you purr to yourself, little sweet noises of pleasure escaping you as one of your hands runs through his hair, giving him an encouraging little tug.

"should i just give you my pussy every night so you let me sleep, toj," you coo at him, a smug smile on your face. he didn't even notice his eyes slipped shut, but he opens them, flickering up to meet your lidded gaze and see the pride swirling around your eyes.

has his roommate always been like this? toji doesn't remember you being so fucking sexy like this. sure, you've always been attractive, and he's definitely had a thing for you for a while. but never in his life did he think his sweetheart of a friend would be smushing his face into her soft cunt.

his response is a little nod and an increase in his tongue's movements against your sloppy pussy. his lips move to suck right at your puffy clit, and he swears nearly cums when you gasp his name and whine, pulling him even deeper by his hair.

his train of thought is completely destroyed, he can't think of anything but you, can't feel anything but you, can't see, can't smell, can't taste anything but you.

he'd kill a man if it meant being able to taste you like this every fucking day.

"ohh, tojibaby, y'look s' pretty eating my pussy...poor thing, jus' needed something to shut you up for a bit."

scratch that, he'd kill SEVERAL men if it meant hearing you sing praises like that while you grind against his mouth, practically suffocating him with your thighs.

it's addicting, the way slick is gushing out of you each time he kisses your clit before sucking on it, coating his mouth. toji knows he looks a wreck, but he doesn't care, not when he's got you on him like this.

"d'you wanna make me cum, toj?" you ask it so teasingly, tugging his hair again and making him moan. "you're makin' out with my pussy...such a good boy for me."

those two words are his undoing, a visible shift in his energy. his eyes are sharp, and he almost looks angry as he grips your thighs even harder. "yes, fuck, yeah, mama, i wanna make you cum all over my face," he growls, tongue unrelenting when it slips back inside of your cunt, a nasty wet noise filling the air as you keen. he's fucking you with his tongue so messily, like he'll die if he stops tasting you.

good boy. you called him a good boy.

the compliment made something snap in him, the need to devour you whole the only thing on his mind. he's not just a good boy, no, he's your good boy, and the thought of being yours makes a thick bead of precum to drip out of his cock and stain his sweatpants.

he's brought back when you tug his head back to look at you, that thick tongue of his slipping out of you.

"i don't want you bringing anymore fucking women in my house, fushiguro," you warn, glaring down at him. you're serious. if you see another girl come in here at 11pm, you might actually kill this man in his sleep and not in a way he'd like

"i'm so tired of hearing their annoying moans. if you need a pussy to put your stupid dick in, just ask me, you fuckin' idiot." shit, you usually never talk like this, but toji likes this side of you. the usually sweet and kind roommate he was so used to was no where to be seen, replaced with this commanding and no-nonsense woman who knew what she wanted.

he can't even deny, this side of you is such a massive turn on.

"promise you're gonna let me fuckin' sleep n' i'll cum on your pretty mouth, fushiguro. otherwise, i'm getting up and i'll call shiu and see if he wants a taste."

oh, fuck no. no way in hell is toji letting that smug bastard see you like this, best friend or not.

he desperately nods, just wanting you to let go of his hair so he can dive back into your sweet pussy, licking his lips to taste you again.

"promise, mama, no more bringing other women, jus' you, don't need nobody else but you, y'got my word."

"that's my good boy."

once you let go of his hair, toji dives right back to the task at hand like man possessed. his lips press against your clit, kissing it with little wet smacks before sucking it into his mouth. his tongue doesn't give you a break, flicking over it rapidly. your moans, god, your moans are getting so loud and so pretty, his eyes never leaving your face as he watches you get closer and closer.

"c'mon, doll, please," he begs, a whininess in his voice as he massages your thick thighs, encouraging you to ride his face until you cream all over it. "give it t' me, give me what i wan', cum all over my face, baby girl."

feeling how you start to move your hips, a sweet little 't-toji, 'm gonna cum' falling from your lips, his hands grasp your ass as he seals his mouth over your cunt, sucking and licking desperately.

he needs it.

he needs you.

needs you so fucking bad.

feeling him mutter those words against your cunt makes you gasp and choke out his name, thighs squeezing around his head. "oh, fuck, toji, 'm cummin, baby!" your hands are both in his hair as you desperately hump against his mouth, body shaking with the force of your orgasm.

he doesn't stop, he keeps his mouth on you to make sure not a drop of your sweet cum goes to waste. he can feel it spilling out of his mouth, down his chin and neck. it's so messy, just how he likes it.

he watches you, how could he even think to take his eyes off you? you're so pretty, do you even realize how your hair got puffier and messier from your sweating, how a few of those tiny curls got stuck to your skin?

"g-god, fuck, toj, hoohmygod, your mouth 's so good, nngh!"

shit, you're pretty, so fucking pretty, what the fuck? god, you even cum pretty, toji's so fucked. why didn't he get you on his face like this sooner?

feeling your tremors start to subside, toji slows his tongue, switching to little licks and then to soft kisses against your clit, keeping you grounded as you come down from your high. the fact he didn't paint the inside of his sweatpants white is a miracle, but he knows the front is wet and stained.

when he feels you relax, toji guides you off his face and down to sit on his chest. he can't help the twinkle in his eye, grinning at you proudly. the bottom half of his face is a mess, covered in his spit and your slick. you like this look on him.

"has anyone ever told you that you've got t'most addicting pussy ever?"

you huff a laugh, urging him to move up further on the bed until his back rests against the pillows. he was so annoying, and you hated how attractive it made him. “you’re too awake for my liking," you sarcastically huff, giving him a sweet little pout that makes him feel a bit more things than he probably should.

tugging his sweatpants down, you let out a little noise of surprise.

ah.

it all makes sense now. no wonder those girls sounded like they were dying.

"toji, what the actual hell is wrong with you?!"

"don't get mad at me, ma, i didn't magically make my dick this size! i just got lucky!"

"lucky?! girl, this is a curse, how the fuck did those girls fit this thing in them?!"

"they didn't."

that makes you pause. they couldn't get him all the way inside? glancing down at his cock, heavy in your hand, as he helps to get his pants completely off, you're not surprised. but you could take it, right?

...guess you need to find out.

shifting your hips, you move to swipe his cock through your slick pussy, a smug look on your face when he sharply inhales. "i'm gettin' my revenge, pretty boy, for all the sleep you made me lose. 's late, anyways, yeah? don't we need to sleep soon?"

the head of his cock catches onto your entrance, causing you both to sigh in pleasure. this would be a stretch, but you're determined by pure spite from toji and those women keeping you up at night.

while you're teasing him, toji is a breath away from losing his mind. the sight of you taking charge, hair completely fluffy now from the humidity in the room, has his cock pulsing in your soft hand. he's so sure that you're not gonna be able to take it all in. shit, he's wondering if he should stop you, tell you he's gotta prep you first or else it's gonna hurt, but you use your free hand to grab his face, making him look at you as an evil grin breaks out on your face.

"i'm gonna put you t' sleep with my pussy. uhm, something something, call that pussy nyquil," you giggle, slipping the tip of his cock inside of your wet, tight little cunt.

melting, that's the best way toji can describe the feeling of behind inside you, even if it's just the tip. "jesus," he hisses, his hands coming up to grip your hips. you're so hot inside, your tight walls are so snug around him. there's no way this tight cunt of yours is gonna be able to fit him in, there's not fucking way.

despite that, he finds himself guiding you down onto him, trying his hardest not to buck up into you. but the sensation of your soft, gummy walls squeezing him so perfectly is making it so challenging to stay still.

"fuck, mama...shit," he groans, watching as he is sucked into your warm pussy. once you get halfway, he expects you to stop, and that's usually where they all do. he was fine with that, more than fine, because he's never been inside someone so fucking tight.

but then, you raise your hips until just the tip is inside, and with a devious little giggle, you slam your hips down, gasping when you get him in all the way. damn, you realize it was a stupid idea, the stretch making you feel almost sick, but the reaction you get out of toji is worth it.

his head falls back against the headboard, and he whimpers, eyes rolling back into his skull, his lip pulled between his teeth as he tries to relearn how to think.

“i'm gonna make you cum and ‘m gonna fuck you stupid for not letting me sleep, fushiguro.” giving yourself a bit to get used to his size, you slowly started moving, seeing what angle worked best for you.

meg the stallion, i'm gonna make you proud of me, you think with a little smirk before you steady yourself with your hands on his chest and start to bounce your hips, your cute little threat only making his cock throb inside you.

"'m gonna make you regret bein' an asshole to your pretty roommate, pretty boy."

it doesn't take long for it to get messy, for it to get so fucking sloppy and noisy. each time you bring your hips down, the room is filled with a wet smack. you've really made a mess out of him, your sticky wet coating his fat cock and his lap, thick strands of it connecting you to him with each raise of your hips before you bring them right back down.

toji can't breathe, finally tilting his head back up as his eyes are glued to where his cock slips in and out of you. you're taking him, taking all of him into your sticky cunt and, shit, he thinks he might die like this.

"fuck, fuck, mama, c'mon, don' do this t' me, relax, please, fuckin' strangling my cock, oh my god—"

he's whining, it's so cute. who knew you could get toji fushiguro, mr. tough guy, to crumble under you like this so easily? it's so wet and gushy, the sound of your thick body smacking back down on his only making his insides twist in pleasure. he can feel how fucking wet you are, dripping down his cock, down his balls, it's so unfair.

"tojiii, talk t' me," you coo at him, your sweet voice bringing him back. "don't tell me my pussy's making you dumb already, jus' started."

you did, you're literally fucking him dumb, and he doesn't know what to do or what to say, but hearing you say his name like that in-between moans as you bounce your hips up and down his throbbing shaft has his babbling in an instant.

"god, this cunt 's perfect, baby, s' fucking perfect."

“yeah? y’like my pussy, toj? like my pretty cunt creaming on you?” you roll your hips, a pretty moan leaving you when his tip nudges against that soft spot perfectly. “f-fuck, you really are big...poor thing, no one could get it in all the way? am, mh, am i the first t’ take this fat cock t’ the hilt, tojibaby?”

you lean forward, hands moving from his chest to around his neck as you roll your hips, swiveling them in ways that have him gushing precum all over the insides of your cunt. the squelches your cunt makes with each roll is so fucking sinful and so nasty.

"y-yeah, mama, she feels s' good around me, all tight and warm, milking my cock like it's made just for you."

god, you smell so good...he can still smell your perfume and the sweet blueberry scent of your leave-in. you smell so sweet and taste so sweet too, he's so fucking lucky to have you fucking him like this. toji's hands move from your hips to your ass, helping you fuck yourself on his dick, groaning your name.

"god, you're the first to take it all, y'got me so fucking deep in that sloppy lil' cunt that y'can feel me in your stomach."

you giggle between moans, pressing your forehead against his. "y'so cute, toji, such a good boy f' me, yeah? feels so much better knowin' you can just tell me if you need me to put you to sleep, right?"

he groans, nodding as his eyes flutter closed again. "y-yeah, yes, baby, feels s' much better," he admits, breathless as he starts to get close. he can feel you getting tighter, getting wetter, and he'll be damned if he cums before you do.

"aww, listen t' you," you say with a little whine, your dominant mask starting to ebb away as you start to grow weaker and weaker. it's starting to feel good, really good, to the point where you can't think either, and you don't know how much more of this you can do. "m-my pretty boy, my good boy, f-fuckin' me s...s-so good..."

the moment he picks up the whininess in your voice, toji is alert, looking into your eyes to find that the pleasure is finally catching up to you, too. "yeah? yeah, mama? she's feelin' good? fuck, 'm gonna fuckin' fill you up, baby, gotta cream this pretty pussy so deep that she feels it f' days," he grunts, mouth open as he pants against your lips.

they look so pretty, he wonders if you taste like that lip balm you always carry, if your tongue is as sweet as you are, if your plump lips are as soft as they look. the thought of them pressing against his is what breaks him, and he's so embarrassed at the noise he makes before leaning back against the pillows and planting his feet into the mattress.

"i gotta fuck you, gotta fuck you good, 'm sorry, 'm so sorry, baby, promise i'll let you sleep, promise i'll be good for ya, okay? mm, fuck, c'mon, let toji make it better, gonna kiss your cunt with my cock and make it up t' ya."

toji fucks into your hole desperately, groaning at the loud wet plaps of his hips smacking against yours. your moans, god, your moans, they're so pretty, you're so pretty. he can see your tits bouncing against the fabric of the shirt you have on, and he curses, so fucking mad he didn't have you take it off. but he doesn't care, not right now, not when he sees how gorgeous you look.

he's so fucking prideful when he sees how poofed out your hair is, bouncing with each thrust up into you. "y're so fucking pretty, c'mere."

one of his hands grabs you by the back of the head and smushes his lips against yours, hungry as he licks over them before shoving his stupidly thick tongue inside your mouth. the kiss is just as messy as the rest of you, and the pitiful little moan you give has him reeling.

"i-i'm, 'm gonna cum, toj," you whisper against his mouth, nails biting into his shoulders as you do your best to match his pace. you're gonna cum, he's gonna make you cum, you're about to cum all over his fucking dick, jesus christ.

"fuck, you're so hot, so cute, mama, my pretty girl. need ya t' cum, dolly, can y'do that for me? please, baby, cum on me, make a mess s' i can fill you up an' apologize like i promised," he rambles before kissing you again, biting your lip before running his tongue over it.

it's so close, you can taste it. it's so unfair how big his cock is, how you can feel every vein and throb of it inside of you, how you can feel his hot precum smudging all over your velvety walls.

the realization that he's inside you raw has you moaning so sweetly, and your pussy is gripping him for dear life as you dig your nails into his shoulders even more, head falling forward. "t-toji, 'm, 'm gonna—f-fuck!"

you're cumming, you're cumming on him, and it feels so fucking good. you're creaming all over his lap, and your crying and moaning his name so sweetly he feels like he's gonna pass out. "baby, babyyy, no, lemme see, lemme see you cum," he begs, the hand in your hair tilting your head back up and the view he gets has his hips stuttering inside you.

your eyes are unfocused, long lashes wet from tears as you pant and whimper for him, all for him. and when you make eye contact with him, he feels your gummy walls squeeze him so tight.

"oh, fuck, yes, mama, jus' like that. keep cummin' on me, keep goin', 'm so close, gonna cum, gonna cum in this pretty pussy s' fuckin' deep you feel it in your tummy," toji babbles before he's losing himself too, pressing your head against his chest as he fucks into you, savoring your overstimulated cries for him. "'s gonna go deep, so fuckin' deep an' i'm gonna fuckin' eat it outta you, just like y-you fuckin' deserve—!"

with a pathetic sounding groan of your name, he's giving one, two, three, four hard, deep thrusts, moaning as he pumps his thick load into you, feeling your oversensitive pussy milking him dry. "g-good boy, g'fucking boy, tojiii," you whimper, moving from his chest to pepper kisses all over his face, moaning softly as you feel his hot cum coating your walls.

his mind is so blissfully blank that he doesn't even realize he's shaking a little bit from how hard he just came. cooing happily at him, you cup his cheeks, trying to bring him back down to you. "come back t' me tojiiii, don't die on me, roomie!"

still reeling from his insanely intense orgasm, manages a little chuckle, his hand moving from your ass to under your shirt, stroking your back. "'m here, 'm here, promise...i just...shit. ya fuckin' drained me, girly. what the hell are you?"

you laugh, kissing the corner of his mouth before nestling under his chin to catch your breath. "I'm your damn friend who happens to be the roommate you have been tormenting by not letting me sleep, dumbass."

"heh. fair point."

you both stay like this for a bit, just resting a little and trying to catch your breath. except...toji's eyes feel a little heavy, and he feels himself drifting away. "there you goooo," you coo, hand running through his hair. "told ya i'd put you to sleep."

"yeah, yeah, you were right," he grumbles and opens an eye, hand coming up to pinch your cheek. "jus' a lil' nap, okay? we still gotta get you cleaned up. after all, i promised i'd clean my cum outta ya, right?"

"my god, toji, you are nasty."

"but you like ittttt."

you couldn't stop yourself from laughing because, yes, you did. you liked it a lot.

soon, the room falls quiet as toji's breathing falls into rhythm with yours, the rise and fall of his chest steady and slow. his mind is still a bit dazed, and he can't help but get a little flustered as he realizes how badly he's wrapped around your little finger. the thought is only further confirmed when he feels his heart squeeze just a bit when he notices you fell asleep on his chest.

he wraps his arms around you in a gentle embrace, huffing to himself. yeah, so what he was whipped, he finally got you in his arms, so he sees it as a win.

as sleep finally starts to creep up on him, he presses a little kiss to your forehead, leaning back against the pillows and shutting his eyes. just a little nap, and then he'll get you cleaned up and make sure you accept his apology for everything he's put you through.

...he just hopes you won't be too grumpy when you realize you fell asleep without your bonnet on.

all rights reserved © lxnarphase | do not repost, copy, translate, or alter my work

ᯓ ❤︎₊‧⁺...lunar's tags : @satoruwiki @llllllllllllloser @screampied @abcdbleh @vicfuentesfangirl @sakurapeach @ohsuguru @crywolfix @naughtygobbo @aura88967 @jeanine-gt @tananaxx @tojancy @happymangosstuff

[mywritersmind]

THE MOST GORGEOUS - LN4

summary : Lando is convinced he’s found the love of his life during media day, embarrasses himself, and can’t stop flirting!!

listen up : flirty lando! pretend it rained in zandvoort🫨

word count : 616

“Carlos!” I hear the voice before I see him, and he definitely doesn’t see me because as he slides into the room he looks directly at his friend, “Carlos! Did you see that reporter!? Fucking hell, She’s the most gorgeous woman i’ve ever seen! And I saw her completely rage at-”

He spots me then.

I’m sitting in a corner, watching him talk about me. I have to say, My ego is extraordinarily boosted. His hands slap down to the side of his body, his eyes going wide.

I can’t help but laugh, “Hi.” I say, glancing at Carlos who’s already cracking up.

Lando puts his hand on the bridge of his bandaged nose, clearing his throat, he hesitantly looks back up at me, “Hello.”

“You know, I prayed for something comical to happen today! Thank you so much, mate!” Carlos slaps his friend on the back before making his way out, shaking his head at me, “See you!”

“Um…” Lando swallows, “Would you believe me if I said I wasn’t talking about you?” I’m normally not so self centered but I really believe he is talking about me.

“I saw you get escorted into the ‘no press’ area…” He nods, his lips in a thin line, “I was also the only woman in the media pen.”

“Right! Of course.” He leans his arm against a chair, using the other one to motion at me, “Well… Nice job yelling at Vowles.”

I smile and stand, pulling my skirt down a bit, “He deserved it.” I shrug and grab my purse and paddock pads.

“No doubt.” He watches me walk past, “Wait!” I turn and tilt my head, “Would you want to- get coffee?” he looks nervous.

“No… sorry.”

At this, he looks shocked at my blatant refusal, “Uh… That’s alright. Hey! I never got your name.”

I nod, “True.” I walk out and I hear him call after me.

“I’m Lando! By the way!”

⋆｡‧˚⋆

“Great race today, Lando.” I say into the microphone as the man stands in front of me. He’s sweaty and holding onto his water for dear life.

I’ve never seen his eyes so blue. Not that I’ve seen much of him in person… I’m new to the interviewer game, made my way up slowly, “Easy to do well when I know you’re watching.”

He just won Max’s home race and apparently winner Lando is a very flirty being. I raise a brow, “How will you be celebrating tonight? Big party?”

He runs his hand over his mouth, “Nah… looking to hang out with someone special.” Is he… asking me out? Now!?

I clear my throat, trying to stay professional, “Sounds Lovely.”

“Hopefully it will be! If she says yes.” He’s looking directly into my eyes, my cheeks feeling hot.

“Mmm who would say no to Lando Norris?”

He licks his lips, “I know one person.” I shake myself out of it, remembering the camera facing him and the mic in my hand.

“So! I’m assuming you're pleased with tyre management today? Pretty wet track, Is that harder or more fun?”

His mouth pulls into a slow smirk and I know i’m doomed, “Prefer it wet after a few boring races.” He shrugs and I roll my eyes because I know what he’ll say next, “Quite slick today but nothing i’m not used to.”

His media manager taps his shoulder, letting us know time is up, “Have a good day celebrating, Norris.”

“Appreciate it, Y/n.” He winks and turns around. I sigh and turn the other way, praying my cheeks will cool down.

He knows my name.

[jjunieworld]

LATHER ˒˒ 최수빈

to help raise money for charity you and your friends make your way over to the rich neighborhood to handwash cars in your best skimpy bathing suits and clothing.

pairing ‎⸝⸝⸝ choi soobin x fem!reader 𓄷 iηcℓudᥱs 𓈓 soyeon from gidle, chaewon from le sserafim, and karina from aespa

genre﹙📄﹚⸝⸝⸝ smut, rich playboy!soobin (like very rich), a lot of sexual innuendos, blonde!soobin

warnings ‎⸝⸝⸝ unprotected sex + pull-out method (be safe!!), kinda bratty!reader, mean dom!soobin, degradation kink, name calling (slut, whore, good girl), dacryphilia, blowjob, face fucking, cum swallowing, slight overstimulation (f. rec)

kipo’s note ‎⸝⸝⸝ remember everyone, every body is a bikini body can i get an amen?!!?! :D think of this as the start of my hot girl summer writing era lmaoo（ゝ。∂）this was really pushing my wc of drabbles… lol sorry, what can i say! i hope you enjoy!! all feedback and reblogs are welcome! ♡

∿ [ 2.5k ] ⋆ [ continue on to . . . masterlist ]

you huffed loudly as you tried to pull down the smallest shorts you’ve ever worn. when they didn’t budge, you slumped into the chair at the stand you and your friends were currently setting up. at least you weren’t that hot with your bikini top and jean shorts that barely covered your ass in the summer sun. for charity, you thought, it’s all for charity.

“alright, i think everything is good,” soyeon said, as her eyes scanned the stand. you, soyeon, chaewon, and karina were on the sidewalk in some rich neighborhood to handwash cars for this charity program you’re all volunteering for.

karina got up from the grass where she was filling water balloons and placing them in a bucket, “water balloons are done! are we ready to get started?” there was a piece of paper on the bucket that read ‘$20 TO GET THESE GIRLS SOAKED!’ on it. before soyeon could reply, chaewon walked up to you three.

“i already got a couple offers—they’re paying big money to see us drenched and washing their cars,” chaewon said as she sat on the plastic chair next to you. soyeon scoffed a little and rolled her eyes as she looked around to the various large and elaborate houses. there were already some men waiting on their porches or flat out in their yards with a chair and a beer.

one man in particular had his eyes on you this whole time. he was one of the ones sitting in his yard—sunglasses low on his nose bridge as he sipped from whatever beer he had. his blonde hair and white button up shirt made him stand out in contrast to the green grass behind him. you gave him a small and sweet smile while trying to make it seem like you didn’t notice his persistent staring. a smirk grew on his face and you knew you had him right where you wanted him. men are so easy, you thought.

the whole idea to even do this car washing service came from soyeon, surprisingly. in her own words, “let’s take advantage of shitty rich men for charity money!” it wasn’t a bad idea—you even suggested that you continue the car washing service in other neighborhoods too.

soyeon grabbed the megaphone from the table and said into it, “all right, gentlemen! who’s ready to get wet?! starting prices are on the sign above me and remember, it costs extra if you want something special! let’s raise some money for charity!” the rest of you all started whooping and cheering as all the men came up to you four like moths to a flame.

you were in the process of taking a lot of twenty dollar bills and passing out water balloons whenever the man from the yard who had been eying you finally started to approach. you had to tear your eyes away from him when a water balloon hit your chest, soaking your bikini top in the process. turning to the culprit with a shocked screech, chaewon smiled at you.

chaewon was completely drenched and sudsy from the car her and soyeon just washed. she held an open water bottle in her hand and you knew exactly what she was about to do with it. “chaewon!” you laughed as you looked at the water dripping off of you. you peeled some of the green balloon off that stuck to you.

“the guy who’s been eyefucking you is coming over, be ready,” she said lowly as she poured the water over your shoulders. karina smirked at you as she took over handling the water balloons. chaewon walked back to the table and you turned to greet the man.

his eyes trailed up and down your—now soaked—body, especially the red bikini top that covered your boobs. he took a water balloon from karina, pressing the twenty dollars into her open hand, and made his way to you. “need any more help getting wet?” he asked you with a sly grin.

now that he was up close, he was really attractive. he also didn’t look that much older than you, which surprised you slightly. you gave him an innocent smile, he was probably some billionaire’s son. “for charity? of course i am, if you’re offering!” you exclaimed as you held out your arms and prepped yourself to be hit with the water balloon.

instead of throwing the balloon he latched his finger underneath the strap of your bikini top. “what if i want a special offer?” he leaned into you and said lowly near the shell of your ear. your faces were inches away from each other as he looked you in your eyes and awaited your answer. the strap of your bikini top snapped back down onto your shoulder as he let go of it.

you could feel heat spread across your body, especially towards the pit of your belly. now, you weren’t really one for a casual—or not so casual—hookup with a stranger, but you were willing to make an exception for a good cause. besides, he was just so alluring. if you weren’t already so wet, you’d bet your panties would be soaked right now.

you looked at him through hooded lids and said lowly, “you’re gonna have to make a generous donation to charity if you want to fuck me, stranger.” his smirk turned into a slick smile.

“name your price and i’ll double it,” he replied, “and it’s soobin.” you licked your lips in thought and his eyes followed the motion. how much could you squeeze from him before he retracted his offer? just how badly did he want to fuck you? you debated for a moment on the price.

“one million dollars!” you settled on, raising a brow at soobin as you lifted your chin. soobin broke out into a playful laugh and you watched his reaction. he began nodding, like it meant nothing to him.

“two million it is!” he replied and the two of you made your way over to the table where the credit card reader was. soyeon’s eyes nearly fell out as she looked at the amount soobin transferred, and yours almost did too when you leaned over to look at the screen. instead of transferring over two million dollars, he transferred over four million.

soobin turned to you and smiled, “for the pretty girl in front of me.” you thanked him with wide eyes. you turned to soyeon and she mirrored your expression as she mouthed, “four million?!”

you turned back to soobin, “i hope you don’t mind waiting for a few moments. i have to wash this car quickly.” soobin shook his head and crossed his arms. “take all the time you need,” he replied.

smiling, you told him you’d be right back. as you were walking away, you heard soyeon cheekily say, “you can set up a chair and watch her if you so desire.” you helped karina grab the soap and brushes and the two of you made your way over to one of the cars waiting to be washed. when the two of you finished, you were completely drenched from head to toe and lathered in soap.

soobin had taken up soyeon’s offer and watched you the entire time. he came up to you with a towel in his hand that he outstretched towards you. you thanked him and dried yourself off as best as you could and tried to get most of the soap off. soobin trailed the tips of his fingers along your jaw, “ready?”

his fingers lifted up your chin so that you looked at him. suddenly flustered as the reality of what you were about to do hit you, all you could manage to do was nod in reply. soobin smiled and took your hand as he led you back to his house. you looked over your shoulder at karina, who was now standing with chaewon as the two of them made kissy faces at you and laughed at how your cheeks heated further from it.

the inside of his house was just as nice as the outside, but you barely got to look around before lips were pressing kisses to your neck. soobin wasted no time with you as he backed you up towards the living room and pushed you down onto the couch. his eyes were dark and full of lust and it made him look like a completely different person than the one you knew just a few seconds ago.

“take your clothes off,” he demanded as he unbuttoned his shorts. he pulled them down, revealing his bulging erection, as you crossed your legs and leaned forward slightly. “why don’t you take them off for me?” you challenged.

the corner of soobin’s mouth lifted as he took a step towards you. his tall figure hovered over yours as he hooked his fingers under your bikini straps and pulled them down. goosebumps raised along your skin where he touched and a shiver ran up your spin when he started to untie your bikini top at your back. once it was untied, he tossed it to the side onto the couch.

you shivered slightly as a cool chill swept over your now exposed breasts, making your nipples perk up. soobin rubbed his thumbs over them as he grabbed your breasts. “so beautiful…” he muttered to himself. his fingers trailed down your stomach and stopped just above the hem of your jean shorts. he looked up at you briefly, darkly, and you hooked your thumbs onto the fabric and pulled it down along with your panties until you were now completely naked under him.

soobin’s eyes raised to connect with yours, “now, are you gonna suck my cock or do i have pay more money, you fucking whore?” you reached for the band of his boxers but he slapped your hands away.

soobin swiped his thumb across your lips, “open.” you did as you were told, mouth open wide with your tongue hanging out as you waited.

“good girl,” soobin smiled. he pulled down his boxers, hard cock slapping against his stomach. you faltered, closing your mouth as you saw just how big he was. soobin pumped himself a couple times before looking at you with a raised brow.

you shook your head a little, ready to speak about how you definitely weren’t fitting him in your mouth before soobin roughly grabbed your chin. “didn’t i say open?” he asked you before pressing a sloppy kiss to your lips. you whimpered into the brief kiss before he pulled away and brought your lips to the tip of his cock.

your mouth opened wider willingly for soobin as you began to swallow him inch by inch. tears pricked in your eyes and you looked up at him when you were about halfway down his cock. soobin’s head was thrown back as small whines left his lips. his hands were entangled in your wet hair, aiding you.

when you stopped, already feeling him at the back of your throat, he looked down at you and moved your head down further. “you’re a good girl, aren’t you?” soobin asked you and you nodded weakly, tears streaming down your cheeks. “so fucking take it,” he added.

soobin began thrusting into your throat, grunting in pleasure as you moved up and down him. soon, his mouth hung open as warm cum spilled down your throat with his release. soobin pulled you off him, thumb catching his cum that spilled out and pushing it back into your mouth. “swallow,” he demanded, “all of it.” your brows furrowed at the salty taste and you swallowed thickly, whimpering at the pain of your bruised throat.

“such a slut…” he trailed when you opened your mouth to show how you swallowed all of his cum. your hips rolled against the couch, needing any bit of friction you can get. “soobin, please…” you whined hoarsely. you needed to feel him inside you. you need to feel how much he stretched out your aching pussy.

“turn around. bend over the top of the couch,” soobin told you. you turned and got up onto the couch, spreading your legs and bending so your ass was in the air for him. his hand smoothed over the curves of your body as he spread you apart.

“already so wet and i haven’t even touched you… you want me to stick my cock inside you, huh, you slut? fill you up?” soobin asked you as he mockingly rubbed his tip against your wet entrance. you bit your bottom lip and nodded, hips pushing back onto him as you stared at him desperately.

“please,” you whined again, “want you to fill me up…” soobin roughly pushed into you and you let out a loud gasp from the suddenness. he pounded into you rigorously, big hands gripping onto your hips as he pulled you towards him to match his pace.

you cried out as your thighs began to tremble. “s-soobin… gonna cum!” you whimpered, biting down hard to try and silence your moans but to no avail.

“yeah? you like that?” soobin hissed between moans as he fucked into you harder, “you like me fucking you like this, whore? you wanna cum around my cock like a good girl?” you nodded desperately and buried your face into your arms as you cried out again from his tip hitting your cervix. the rope in you snapped and your warm cum leaked down soobin’s cock as he continued fucking you, leaving a creamy white ring around his base.

wet sounds filled his living room as you gripped onto the cushion of his couch, “t-too much!” tears wet your cheeks as you looked back at him with furrowed brows.

soobin laughed humorlessly, but it was staggered. he breathed heavily as he pulled you up from the couch, “take it like the slut that you are.” you felt him twitch and he quickly pulled out of you. whining at the sudden loss, soobin flipped you around and cursed lowly before he began pumping his cum covered cock rapidly over your boobs.

his cum shot out onto them, painting them a pretty white as soobin whimpered. he took your chin again and brought his lips to yours roughly as he slipped his tongue in your mouth. you wrapped your arms around his neck to pull him closer as the kiss deepened.

once both of your lungs were on fire, soobin pulled away a little and you could feel the smile on his lips. he pressed another quick kiss to your lips, “i bet your charity will be very pleased with my donation.”

soobin pulled away fully and you shied away from his stare with heated cheeks. the two of you got cleaned up and made your way back out to your charity event. it was dusk now and it seemed like the girls were just about to start wrapping everything up. “the prodigal daughter returns!” soyeon exclaimed, causing the others to laugh.

you hid your face in your hands as you helped them clean up. the four of you ended up raising almost seven million dollars for your charity that day, and your friends made sure to thank “mr. four million.”

hehe wanna read more? click -> here

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