#about how i was going to die alone if i didnt forgive her

[jvzebel-x]

🦋

[kittycak3s]

I hate that I'm being made responsible for coping with and "forgiving" abusive behavior just to protect myself.

I'm tired of being fucking "understanding". I'm tired of my survival being dependent on how much I'm able to take. I'm tired of being treated like dog shit for no reason.

[lifeisabiscuit]

It's the way people will say "it was only a week that everyone knew that the baby would kill Feyre before Nesta told her" like that excuses that no one told her. Like it not being months makes it okay that every single person including the mate who makes fake promises of never lying or keeping things from her, kept the biggest secret from her. Plus, Rhysand knew longer than the rest of them what would happen and he didn't say a thing. They all interacted with her for the entire time and didn't say a thing. How are you gonna tell everyone including the sister you hate about it but not the one who is going to die?

"Didn't want to take her joy or cause her stress" blah blah blah like she wasn't going to be Hella stressed when she started DYING while giving birth and dying before coming to grips with it. You're telling me they didnt think the same girl who taught herself to hunt, survived multiple monster attacks, defeated the wyrm, the Weaver, the attor and faced the ouroboros, couldn't handle the truth that the baby in her womb would kill her AND Rhysand?? Nah. She would have wanted to help find a solution.

The same people saying it wasn't that long are the same people still villianizing Tamlin cause he didn't tell Feyre about the curse or why she was there and made her fall in love with him with a lie (you can't force someone to fall in love with you) when that was part of the curse! Of course he couldn't say anything ffs. If she had gotten pregnant with Tamlins baby and he had kept vital information from her, she would have been pissed forever and so would everyone around them.

I don't agree with Nesta telling her only to hurt her (which was only part of the reason) and that she could have told her right away but to be fair, the only way Nesta could have seen Feyre would have been requesting a meeting with her in the HOW or getting someone to take her to her and do we really think Rhysand would have let them be alone together? He couldn't even let the sisters do an intervention alone without him being there to threaten them. People are so mad that she didn't tell Feyre cause she's her sister but so is Elain and she didn't say a damn thing and she was around her.

And people are like we don't know how mad she got at Rhysand because we were in Nesta/Cassians pov. First, Feysand were joking around with Cassian like an hour later and second, I guarantee Rhysand just took Feyre to bed to make her forgive him.

There's no excuse for them not telling her anything. Madja is mad sus too. Feyre could have handled it and I say that as someone who isn't even her biggest fan. She's way stronger than they gave her credit for in this book.

[bowsbar]

ideal tacomic to me is Pits in both of their stomachs manifested as thoughts of one another they cant erase no matter how much they try to move on,theey repress them for different reasonts though.To me its like.

Mic represses them bc she haets taco and just wants to move on with her life-To stop thinking about her shitty decisions during her time in the competition. she hates that she still thinks about taco allathis time later when shes in a much better place both physically and mentally

taco represses them bc she does not know what to do with them and in true taco fashion if u dont knpw how to handle your feelings just bottle them up forever (Guatanteed to work)(TRUST ME). she has 0 outlet no mepad doesnt count bc that out let is microphone and mic has made it clear she wants nothing to do with taco. Which taco will adhere to bc i think she respects mic more than she respects herself, which,In and of itself is not a very high bar to clear bc taco is filled to the brim with self loathing (and lettuce and taomato) so she would respect mics boundaries...and just rot.

in the neural network time line i nmy head theres some point along it where taco DOES try to reconcile with mic!but it doesnt end well. mic tells her to leavee her alone. dont talk to me? (sighs) do whatever schemes you gotta do but leave me out of them, okay? i want nothing to do with you anymore. fnd taco goes Ok bchwat else is she suppsoed to say to that.NO? she might try to push back in a fit of desperation upon seeing how the meeting is going (diseasedly) getting real vulenerable which would make anyone who has even the slightest intnetion of giving taco another chance fold but mic isnt like other girls and has a sense of self preservation. in an attempt of pushing for closure taco ends up pushing mic further away than she already was, which already seemed impossible (reached the limit, apparently not). when taco sees that shes done the impossible + the futility of this meeting has fully shown itself to her thats when she dips (sih of relief from mic)(proceeds to punch a hole in the wall bc watching her leave hurt for a reason she knows but doesnt want to acknowledge)

taco then doesnttt try again. tying in with her perceived incapability of starting over. welp it didnt work theres no reason to ever try again haha shucks gues thems the breaks for me or whatever british version that translates to. she has maybe one more shot with pickle and if that goes well (hmm) then theres a crumb of hope for happy tacomic ending? pickle speaks good on taco and plants that seed of forgiveness in mic to unwind those tangled roots of hatred and spite in her stomach that have knotted over so much time. but in order for anything to come of that taco would have to come face to face with mic again and i think shed rather die

[adidegmez]

spn s7 spoilers

s7 ep1(meet the new boss)

the cas we know is gone. dean,sam and bobby are accepting cas is god so easily. i thought they wouldn't call him god that easy. i love death. but really, dean gave up on cas so quickly. cas is back. and he is gone, again. he'll be back.

s7 ep2(hello, cruel world)

lucifer… i love winchester's relationship. i loved bobby's house now, everything is gone. bobby isn't gone he cant be.

s7 ep3(the girl next door)

i love sam. how could dean do that? why did he do that? is he real dean? i cant believe this.

s7 ep4(defending your life)

good guys always feel guilty. even if its not their fault. even if they know its not their fault. i was mad about dean killing amy. but then i thought about it. i thought they didnt kill lenore but then i remembered she didnt kill anyone when they let go of her. amy and lenore are not the same. and in the end dean was right imo. because amy killed for her kid and if her son gets sick she would kill again.

s7 ep5(shut up, dr. phil)

I thought the Amy topic was closed. I was wrong. we'll see later how it ends, i guess.

s7 ep6(slash fiction)

dean always deserves good things in his life, so does sam. finally sam learned about amy. he'll forgive dean, probably.

s7 ep7(the mentalists)

sammy ad dean back together again. i love them.

s7 ep8(season seven, time for a wedding!)

ep name is weird. this should be fun. i love the temp. idk but i kinda like crowley when he is not messing with the boys.

s7 ep9(how to win friends and influence monsters)

i dotcare thati dont care. ilove that scene. bobby cant die like that.

s7 ep10(death's door)

he can't die. it was nice to see rufus. i knew bobby would die. i saw spoilers before but i didnt think he would die this season. he cant die. he left the winchesters. goodbye bobby. winchesters are alone, again. i want to think bobby will return but i dont think he will.

s7 ep11(adventures in babysitting)

i like krissy. i love dean with kid. he is so sweet.

s7 ep12(time after time after time)

dean knows his brother so well.

s7 ep13(the slice girls)

emma is dean's child? Sam and Dean shouldn't have split up. emma and amy werent the same. amy killed, emma didnt. she was goin o kill dean i know but i just wanted to say there is difference. and i think there are 2 kinds of moster to dean: those who kill people and those who didn't kill people, yet. and dean thinks tho who didnt kill could be saved. and i think he is right.

s7 ep14(plucky pennywhistle's magical menagerie)

bad cop sam. he is funny. clowns were scary. supernatural gives me new fears. i miss cas when is he coming back?

s7 ep15(repo man)

jeffrey is a good guy. i liked him. lucifer is funny. and jeffrey is a psychopath.

s7 ep16(out with the old)

i liked frank but i really miss bobby. I don't understand how Dean finds time to watch so many movies. i knew frank would die. but know thinking about it i think he is not dead, yet. ıf he was dead there would be a body.

s7 ep17(the born-again identity)

i want to see cas and crowley. i miss them. did bobby refuse to go? and now he is going with winchesters everywhere and helping them? because that notebook cannot have fallen by itself. It hurts me that Cas was the one who did this to Sam. Sam has been through a lot. I hope he can get over this soon. cas!!! i wanna cry(well im crying little bit). cas is back? he is emanuel, what? he is cas. meg?! sam is still helping people. i love him. cas is back. he saved sam:) but now he is left behind, with meg! i hope dean knows where meg is and she wont do anything bad for winchesters and cas.

s7 ep18(party on, garth)

okay dean knows about meg. garth is funny. i missed impala. bobby is here!!! i want to see him more. but why couldn't he contact them? i hope we can learn it.

s7 ep19(of grave importance)

bobby finally talked. i love him. what he did was kinda wrong. but without him boys would be dead so many times. i hope things wont end bad for bobby but i doubt it. but i am glad to see him anyways.

s7 ep20(the girl with the dungeons and dragons tattoo)

i know new characters will come to spn and i am so excited to meet them. i saw them on the internet and i cant wait to see their relationship with the boys. and Charlie is one of them. and i am happy she came. i like her. bobby will do something bad isnt he? she is a nerd:) . well, is Charlie coming back?

s7 ep21(reading is fundamental)

hi cas(and meg). no way home���(iloveyouguys). i really missed cas. he is even funnier now. he is happier. cas would do anything for the winchesters. i hate leviathans. i hope we'll see cas and meg again.

s7 ep22(there will be blood)

i wanted to see crowley. bobby is not truly gone, not now at least. this wont end good for bobby. there is 8 seasons left i am happy i get to spend so many time with my favorite characters.

s7 ep23(survival of the fittest)

goodbye bobby. baby is back!!! i knew dean wouldnt hurt baby like that. i'm glad dean forgive cas. i love their friendship. purgatory, seriously?! crowley does whatever he wants whenever he wants. and he got meg and the world. and sam is alone. Cas left Dean. of course, he'll get back(i'm 99% sure). i cant wait to see how they will survive this?

[tillthelandslide]

Insufferable Arsehole Head canons

a/n: okay so i randomly had this idea and i'm aware most people wont be interested in the slightest but i just had to write it, for myself more than anything haha. So I was thinking about the character Lou within my Matty series "insufferable arsehole" and i was thinking about her relationship/friendships with the guys and decided to do some head canons for each of the boys... enjoy if you do read haha

Special thanks goes to @poisonmedaddy13 aka my wonderful support system on here :) thank you for helping me with this, for not shutting down my ideas and for having my back

Part 5 will be posted soon so keep your eyes peeled if you're interested :)

PLEASE DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE YET TO READ INSUFFERABLE ARSEHOLE BC SPOILERS!

You can read the series here

George:

George has been her best friend since diapers, they've gone through every aspect of their lives together, that fact alone means that they're bonded for life

They know every minute detail about each other

She thinks he probably knows her better than anyone

He's the one person in her life who has been a steady unwavering support

He's her rock, the person she knows she can go to for everything, for advice, for comfort for laughs, anything

they have to deal with lots of people assuming they're something more and it has got a bit tiring over the years but theyre kind of used to it by now

she knows he would jump in front of a train if it meant she lived

he would hurt anyone who hurts her and has come close to beating up ex's of hers that have been douches (and has punched a fair few of them)

she's the first he shares lyrics with or song concepts (even more matty sometimes)

they both felt that because they were so close, whatever one was feeling, the other felt too

not a day went by where they didnt talk, even when they weren't together, on opposite sides of the world, they would still talk

there was this one time: when they were around 16 maybe 17, g had organised this big surprise party for her birthday, it was absolutely amazing, he had managed to get a fuck ton of beer and weed from an older friend, his garden was full to the brim of all of their friends, some people she didnt know (not that it matter). but despite it being HER birthday party, he had invited matty who at some point in the night had said something about how the dress she was wearing would make all the guys think she was an easy fuck... she remembered how her best friend (a very drunk and high george) had laughed at mattys words... they didn't talk for weeks after that until one day her lanky friend appeared at her door, begging on his hands and knees to forgive him, saying how much of a prick he had been and how much he had missed her. somehow they grew closer after that, he would always have her back and she never questioned that.

they have their own handsake and george knows her disdain for something by one simple fact: she will crinkle her nose up at him, he'd do it back and then they'd laugh about it... it was their thing

she was practically his sister

nicknames they have for each other: G, Georgie (he doesn't like this too much), he calls her Lou ofc, also pumpkin (when she was sad or needed comfort),

Ross:

ross and lou grew close when they were kids, they were never as close as G and Lou (basically impossible to be) but there friendship was different

ross feels like the person she goes to when she doesn't even know she needs him

he's always there for her: always

he knows whats wrong before she does most of the time

they're relationship has the same vibe as ross x matty, that kind of intense platonic love

he's her cuddle bear, someone who gives amazing hugs, the kind that heal her

again she knew he'd die for her and she would for him

he was one of the best things that had ever happened to her, she know if she were to have kids he'd be the god father

she was his wingwoman most of the time, always trying to find a partner who was deserving of his love, someone who would love him the way he needed to be loved

he felt like her platonic soulmate, someone that made her soul happy

buttttt.... when they were younger they did used to flirt... like ALOT and people often thought they were together bc of this... they got drunk at a party once a shared quite a steamy kiss (they would take this to their graves btw) but over time it kind of just fizzled out and was replaced with this platonic love, he was enamored with her regardless

they were often childish with each other, he'd carry her around the empty stages on his back, so she began calling him "monkey man" not only bc he was freaking tall but because she clung to him like a monkey

nickanmes: lou would call him: monkeyman, macdonald, mr macdonald, he calls her: sweetcheeks, rockstar, cool kid, sweetheart

Adam:

now adam and lou aren't as close as lou x george and lou x ross but he's still one of her best friends

adam is the person she goes to if she needs an honest opinion, he is the The “tell it like it is” friend and she is so appreciative of that: often the other boys' opinions can be clouded by how much they love her, adam always had a fair mind about her

And tbh she was that for him too, he remembers when he confided in Lou about his worries about carly in his relationship (very early on in their relationship), he told her how he was worried carly would leave him becuase they could never have a 'normal' relationship, they'd always be on tour, swarmed with fans, fans who (despite their sweet intentions) would always want to know everything about their relationship, Lou all but smacked him round the head, telling him he was being ridiculous, that he'd never find another like carly, someone who was so loving and accepting of everyone she met, told him he might as well marry her and that his thoughts although valid, were just thoughts, and that the realistic state of things was that carly was going to love him regardless.

he is someone who watches on the sidelines, showering her with love and affection and his admiration in his own way, often by doing simple things like "i got you xyz thing because i remember you mentioned it"

he loves how she makes carly feel welcome, always the first to talk to her and ask how she is (carly and hann and agreed that they'd ask her to be godmother)

he's not often one to be cuddly with her but when he is it means so much more

they are the type of friends who dont have superficial conversations, their conversations are much more meaningful than that

he knows she'd do anything to protect him, carly and the baby that is on the way and is so thankful to her for that

she likes how in depth their conversations are, everyone knows hann as this guy that doesn't talk much but the two of them often talks for hours

he's one of those friends that tells these cracking jokes out of the blue that makes everyone die of laughter

nicknames: she ofc calls him Hann, she teasingly starts calling him daddy, he mainly calls her Lou tbh, sometimes calls her rockstar too

[bunny-heels]

AW2 spoilers. i need to talk about Alex and Saga's friendship. i have to.

Alex and Saga are so fucking great. their friendship and partnership is so strong in the EXACT way i wanted and expected. they care about each other like theyve been together their whole lives. theyre the perfect example of being inseparable, without being connected through blood or romance.

Saga officially becoming an agent which i assume then led her to meet with Casey and somehow they end up working together. She finds out Casey is divorced, but its not really on his fault. its because he met someone who couldn't understand what he wanted in life, and couldnt love him for the passion he had for his job. she mustve figured that out through her power, and somehow she felt like she was even closer to him.

she saw that he genuinely needed someone there, and she pushed herself onto him to be that someone. and he probably wanted to be mad, he didnt want to like it, but he couldnt help himself. he loved being around a happy family, seeing a couple that loved each other so much and could work things out. he wanted to see a kid grow up with loving parents, and see how happy and healthy it made them. he loved it. he loves being around a happy family.

and he mustve been so taken aback when he learned that Saga genuinely considers him family. he probably thought she was just taking pity on him, wanting to be nice so they worked better together. but that wasnt it. she wanted to get closer to him because she liked him, thought that he was a really good person at heart, and didnt want him to go through something alone. that probably hit him like a truck. i cant imagine how he mustve reacted once she told him.

and when he was possessed by Scratch, used as a vessel and probably would've been killed or lost himself, she didnt want that at all. to her, he wasnt just a detective partner or a casual friend. that was her best friend, her family, someone she couldnt forgive herself for if something happened to him, the same for if something happened to Logan. thats why she didnt want the story to end on any different conditions. either Logan and Casey end up fine, or the ending wasnt happening.

i feel like its supposed to be a scenario of these are two people that cant live without each other. obviously Saga cant live without Logan or David (her husband), thats obvious, Logan's her blood and David's her love. but Casey is her family. not just a family friend, just straight up family to her. and Casey definitely feels the same towards her. he probably would've done the exact same thing Saga did if the roles were switched. they cant let each other die, no matter what. they cant go on without the other.

they mean so much to me. so so so much to me. its like painful.

[divorcingjimmatthews]

season 2 episode 5 reactions as i watch

huge spoilers obviously

(this is mostly for myself to have somewhere to scream as i go, its LONG AF youve been warned)

RANDALL IS SCARING ME SO MUCH LIKE PLEASE DONT BANG ON STUFF WHAT IF YOU ACCIDENTALLY MAKE THE TALISMAN FALL I AM HAVING A HEART ATTACK WITH THIS SCENE. RANDALL STOP STOP STOP YOURE GOING TO DIE DUDE

(straight up cant watch the rest of the episode because i paused it and cant bring myself to unpause lmaooo. from ends here for me i guess)

ok its over thank god

JADE STOP DRINKING SOMEONE HELP THIS MAN. hes even sleeping with the fucking journal like please he needs 20 interventions

also dammit he actually moved to the bar i accidentally manifested it LMAO

can the show please stop torturing this man with the hallucinations please and thank you

TABITHA IS IN MAMA WOLF MODE LETS GO

boyd defending sara... knowing what happened to his wife and what she did... oh man. this hurts. knowing tabitha also lost a child before turns the intensity of all this to eleven millions

LMAO ok someone calling tabitha out for her basement hole and its consequences at long last. i love tabitha but like it has to be acknowledged

"That part i cant help you with" dang Good Line

honestly cant even imagine how sara is feeling i dont know what id be doing in her situation like just watching it stresses me so much.

ETHAN BABY :'(((( im sobbing

KRISTI IS SO PRETTY oh my god i am so bisexual right now. she cant just do this. the shirtttt. i think im seeing the sweetest and most beautiful woman in the world

dhsjfhsh marielle doing the same thing with the shirt that i had the reader do in my fic i cant even

"For a long time it smelled like you. Now it just smells" i laughed so hard

"Youre still you" 🥺

SARA GIRL WHAT ARE YOU DOING ARE YOU TRYING TO GET K oh yeah wait she probably is

oh its her house ok god i thought she'd gone to the matthews'

NEW HOUSE WHO DIS

cant belive an extra got one of the few houses this is so funny to me for no reason

this scene gosh. ouch. ouch. im taking 2 damage per second watching this episode

JADE. the bottles. jade my beloved this is point of no return level stuff. mrs Liu please come get him home

VICTOR

victoooor

"You dont look good" im losing it

thank you victor

victor 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 i love him. the sweetest

JADE IM GOING TO STRANGLE YOU DONT BE LIKE THISSS

"WAIT" i fucking cant i love this man

"This took me all fucking night" jade never stop being the funniest mf on the planet please

jim calling tabitha tabby is so sweet it got me

"Faith. In you" oh boy. Oh man. Oh boy oh man. This scene. How is this show hitting every singe fucking note.

donna brought up abby omgomg

OK BUT CAN YOU BLAME HIM FOR WANTING TO FIND AN ALTERNATIVE THIS TIME

(maybe)

(arghhhh this is so hard)

"only monsters live in the woods" ethan i love everything you say. go my boy

(sara voice) okay

"The trees theyre changing" i love how victor is 100% harmless but could NOT be any more ominous lmaooo

CAR GRAVEYARD

"When i was alone i moved the cars because i didnt want to see them. Theres a lot more behind the rocks but those were already here" GODDAMMIT

no but victor is literally the sweetest man on earth. you were rightfully angry victor !! jade now you apologise.

"okay" ill kill him

victor sitting on the car 🥺🥺🥺🥺 im going to cry

what a scene. my god.

SARA HAS ONLY BEEN THERE FOR A COUPLE OF MONTHS?

"Do you live here in town" ELGIN i love you

poor julie if she knew her crush is out there flirting with the local murderer

"I like what i like and i like owls" based. thats me writing 300 jade posts per day

oh boy this scene (me about every scene)

"THAT PART ALWAYS SEEMED A BIT LIKE WISHFUL THINKING TO ME" im. ill be processing for 3 years

"Did you do something that needs forgiving?" elgin my sweet boy

jim rightly proud of his badass kid

"you put hate inside me" :'(

is she gonna give her her stuff damn shes too nice

a part of me is feeling like shes gonna smash it tho lmao

SORRY FOR DOUBTING YOU MRS LIU

i am starting to assume that everyone forgot about tobey so jade is never even gonna know that it was sara lmao

KENNY

oh my god kenny

im hurt seeing him so hurt

TOWNSPEOPLE CAN WE GIVE KENNY A BREAK OVER HERE PLEASE WHAT R U STARING AT HES VERY RIGTHFULLY MAD HE HAS EVERY RIGHT

oh elgin

elgin youre too sweet

elginnnnn

everyones gonna hate you elgin 😭😭😭 i am suffering for you

KRISTI BECAME EVEN MORE BEAUTIFUL THIS IS NOT A DRILL

now please do jade

"KRISTI WHERE ARE YOU GOING BABY STOP"

KRISTI NO NO NOOOOOO

i love her so much

"People liked him, then he changed" dont do this to me

"I am at the end of my rope" oh god

TABITHA??????

holy fucking shit im going to die of heart attack

this doesnt have captions i dont know what the creepy ghost children are saying

I WAS LITERALLY THINKING I WISHED TABITHA AND JADE WOULD INTERACT AND LOOK AT THIS NOW

i knew jim would not vote box lets goo

BOYD WHY

Randall ????

OKAY that tabitha and marielle scene from last episode was bothering me so much i cant believe i didnt think of this

what an episode my god

[lumity-poggers]

My thoughts on Watching and Dreaming

I watched the episode when it premeired last night but i hit post limit so couldnt post about it. Spoilers under the cut. sorry if anything is out of order lol im sick and im just throwing everything i thought last night down on this post.

-Luz being attacked by Amity genuinely made me cry

-"My girlfriend is too big a nerd to misremember an Azura quote" -luz probably

-Lilith having the haircut from For the Future but color scheme from season 1 is a nice touch

-"Dont you recognize your siblings" Ok damn man didnt need to go THAT far

-The giant stone Flapjack in Luz's nightmare killed me and not in the good funny way but in the sad crying way

-in the words of @minty-creator "BELOS FUCKETH OFF" (We were both watching the ep and screaming to each other about it)

-at first I thought belos was gonna try and possess king but then I realized no he's going to possess the fucking boiling isles titan

-I actually kinda liked that The Collector had no concept of death. They're a kid, an IMMORTAL GODLY KID. Of course they wouldnt know what death is

-Pacman Collector will haunt my nightmares

-The Collector needs a hug. I want to give them a hug.

-"You know this cant last forever" that was said to the collector but it feels like it was also aimed towards us

-The Archivists 🤝Pink Diamond "Wanna play a game?" *leaves them lonely*

-ok no but seriously the archivists telling Collector to play with the titans only to wipe them out leaving Collector all alone is just fucking cruel

-The Collector is just a lonely kid LET ME HUG THEM

-Me seeing Raine fight back: YES YOU GO

-Goo Belos in this episode looks like William Afton. Like- Remember that fucking fnaf 3 image where the springtrap head was open showing William? Thats what Belos looks like. Or burntrap from SB take your pick.

-Raine my beloved

-The Belos possessed Titan looks like a fucking dragon holy shit

-"Now that's a spinoff I'd watch" You and me both Luz

-The Collector picking up Raine's earring and realizing that the Raine talking to them wasnt actually Raine, and then looking upset is just AAAAAAAA LET ME FUCKING HUG THEM

-I LOVE that when the collector uses "Kindness and Forgiveness" on Belos IT DOESNT WORK. I FUCKING H A T E THAT TROPE OF POWER OF FRIENDSHIP REDEMPTION. It was one of the few things I genuinely hated about Steven Universe (SU is still a good show tho they just kinda overused villain redemption. And yeah yeah you could argue MLP overuses that too but MLP was ABOUT friendship)

-Luz, Eda, and King's expressions when The Collector hugs Belos is so funny tho. Literally just 👁👄👁

-I literally screamed at Luz's sacrifice. S C R E A M E D.

-Gaster Blaster Belos Real

-"Eda, King, looks like we're going to be split up again. I feel like I should be used to this feeling by now, but I still dont know what to say" AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

-I like that Luz becomes lights. Not only was the light glyph the first one she learned but her name literally means light.

-Eda, King, and Luz are such a found family I love them

-"I should have thanked them" SCREAMING AND CRYING

-I love that King's dad basically said "Fuck gender"

-I also love that he has a bad girls coven shirt

-Eda makes alchoholic apple blood confirmed?

-Titan Luz is so gender

-Camila best mom

-LET. ME. HUG. THE. COLLECTOR. DAMN IT.

-Luz and King doing the WEH together is so fucking cute.

-For some reason I thought Luz was gonna die again when the titan magic was fading. Like I thought that was keeping her alive.

-Anyone gonna talk about the fact Eda gave Raine a little kiss when saving them from the Belos goop

-the entire episode was so anime but the fight scene between Titan Luz and Belos was just anime as fuck and the smooth animation makes it even better

-"NOW EAT THIS SUCKA" IT ALL COMES FULL CIRCLE

-Look at how fuckin anime this is I love it so much

-Luz looks so badass btw idk if I mentioned that

-Belos trying to bullshit his way out of this and Luz having NONE OF IT is so great. I hat the "[insert curse/supernatural thing] made me do it so im innocent" trope if it's done poorly or with a character like Belos. Love that they smashed that into the ground with Luz having fucking none of it.

-LOOK AT HOW BADASS AND GENDER SHE LOOKS I WILL NOT SHUT UP ABOUT THIS I AM SO NOT NORMAL ABOUT THIS

-I AM SO GLAD BELOS HAD A GRUESOME DEATH THAT WAS SO SATISFYING.

-I like the touch that Titan Luz isnt affected by the boiling rain

-King's dad is A PUN MASTER

-the reuniting. oh my titan the reuniting. I cried. Gus doing a little illusion with his dad, Amity hugging Alador (with Odalia rightfully in the sidelines), Hunter telling Darius about wolves, Willow and her dads!

-Darius and Eber so want to beat the shit out of Terra, Vitmir, and Adrien.

-Camila pulling Eda and King into a hug with Luz is just. YES.

-Yassified Hooty go brrr

-King giving The Collector Francois was so sweet

-All the kids as adults are so fucking gender. GIVE ME YOUR GENDER.

-All the photos on Luz's bulletin board are so amazing. Especially the one with Hooty dropping from a tree that one made me laugh so hard. Also the Bi Pride pin next to the graduation photo was amazing.

-"Stringbean's Corner" AWWWE

-ik im doing two screenshots in a row but LOOK AT THIS PICTURE OF STRINGBEAN

-When I tell you I screamed with joy when I saw there was a working permanent portal to the Boiling Isles I mean I SCREAMED WITH JOY

-I love Willow's leaf headband. It just fits her so well.

-I love that Hunter is a palismen carver and carved a Blue Jay to be his new palismen (according to Dana on twt the name of the palismen is Waffle. I love it.), but I also love that Hunter was (or maybe still is) Dell's apprentice by the looks of things

-The grave for Flapjack made me sob. And then the "Thank you for finding me" on it im just. I need a moment.

-HARPY LILITH HARPY LILITH

-Also I just realized now they all have matching Flapjack tattoos. Im gonna cry you guys.

-The way Darius just slides over after shaking Alador is the most tsundere anime thing ever.

-Theres a little abomination in Alador's pocket :0

-Raine with white hair is actually so fucking cool

-Gus looks so cool you cannot tell me otherwise.

-Everyone thought Eda would have like a robotic/abomination arm but no SHE HAS A HOOK AND IT'S AWESOME

-King had a growth spurt lets go!

-The quinceanera being called a king-cenera is just perfect. King is mastering the art of puns just like his father.

-King having his own glyph shapes is just perfect I love it!

-Collector making fireworks shooting stars is amazing

-THEY DID THE HUNTER "BYEEE" TO BOTH THE COLLECTOR AND US

Im going to miss toh. It was one of the best shows Ive ever watched.

Edit: I hat the new post editor istg

[ahaura]

yellowjackets s2e9 lb

"the wilderness chose" I DONT THINK IT DID BUT OK!!!!

I RECOGNIZE THOSE CHORDS? GUITAR? HELLOOOOOOOO ITS BEEN YEARS

ZOMBIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

ok but like. the wilderness"" might have gotten into them but they CHOSE to do it that way like they CHOSE to let javi drown/freeze to death i think thats more them devolving into "survival on the only way know how to justify it to themselves" mode

also how insane is it that they were all willing to eat natalie 10 minutes ago and theyve all been starving and just like that your team turns on you bec "the wilderness chose' thats nuts

"give it a hunt" is this when my girl lisa dies. i will beat up misty for lisa idc

i dont mean to get personal on main but lottie's desperation...for lack of a better word... reminds me of me when i **** ** **** ***** and at that time i was just. so desperate to believe in [redacted] i was DESPERATE i was so far down i was just clawing at the pit walls like. god.

"make sure none of your people are here for this" NOOOOOO LISA

"we got over it" LIIIIIIIIIIIES

"i didnt want this" "you started this" LETSGOOOOOOO

oh this is so fucked

shauna butchered them... alone... it was her duty.... no wonder shes so fucked up

WALTERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

SO GOOD TO SEE HIM

jeff.... the cops.... bleh

NATALIE TRYING TO SAVE LISA BUT WE KNOW HOW THIS GOES

"youre not like them" "im worse" OH NAT NO NO NO NO NO

"im glad im alive" van says to travis whose brother just died because the team is starving and it was supposed to be natalie but misty saved her so javi died in his place and theyre going to eat javi and travis will have to eat his brother to survive. insane people.

"let your brother save you, travis. after everything he went through out here. dont you at least owe him that?" INSANE INSANE INSANE INSANE INSANE INSANE FUCKING THING TO SAY VAN HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT FUCKING CRAZY

walter i likeyou so much please stick around 4 life youre so funny

"youre being awfully judgy about mom considering this all started because of your lame attempt at blackmail" CALLIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE LETS FUCKING GO

i feel so bad for her. her parents suck so fucking bad her mom is fucked up and withheld love from her and doesnt love her like her dead baby brother and her dad is a pathetic dude who is like, trying his best but hes just sO pathetic and not even in a fun way. he has the spirit tho. shes gonna be sSOOOOO fucked up when shes grown up

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAH WALTER YOU LEGEND

walter and misty match made in heaven TBH

OH GOD

JAVI'S LITERAL HEART? OH GOD

is that... buffy sainte marie singing?

I KNEW IT I KNEW IT I CALLED IT KNEW IT LETS FUCKING GOOOOOOOOOO

OH MY GOD? MAYBE CALLIE?

CALLIE OR LISA WHICH IS IT

LET THE COP DIE IN THEIR PLACE DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT

jesus christ

they really never left huh

WALTER TALTERSAL YOU ABSOLUTE FUCKING PSYCHO YOU ARE SO MUCH FUN

walter fucking over this smarmy little shit cop is SOOOOOOOOOOOO fun

oh my god lottie

the wilderness left lottie...?

NATALIE????????

IS NATALIE THE ANTLER QUEEN

OH MY GOD THAT INSANE

I LOVE IT

HOLY SHIT

HOLY SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!

what is a god to a nonbeliever etc etc oh my GOD NATALIEEEEEE

"you were always its favorite" OH MY GOD???????????/

LISAAAAAAAA MY GIRL LISA LISA LISA LISA

"we tried to kill you and it wouldn't let us"

INSANE INSANE INSANE INSANE INSANE

THE ATHEIST WHO MEETS GOD THE NONBELIEVER THE TRUE RELUCTANT SAINT THE UNWILLING APOSTLE ET CETERA LETS FUCKINGGOOOOOOO?

lottie kissing natalie's hand is insane im goi g insane INSANE INSANE INSANE INSANE

the girls allow javi to die in nat's place (or the wilderness kill him in nat's place) > shauna offers travis javi's heart to eat as first dibs in honor/waiting for permission > travis eats his brother's heart > natalie is named lottie's successor as the unwilling apostle the reluctant saint the cursed etc etc > travis places her hand on his heart

NAT BEING "CHOSEN" ALL THOSE YEARS AGO

NAT THROWING HERSELF IN FRONT OF SOMEONE WHO GAVE HER FORGIVENESS TO SAVE LISA

aaaaaand radiohead to send us off eh?

NAT IS DYING OH GOD

nat :(

WHAT DO YOU EAN WE'LL SEE?

CALLIE???????

COACH TRIED TO BURN THEM ALIVE?

OH I AM SO LOOKING FORWARD TO HIS DEMISE

[melusinealarice]

Unpopular opinion

I hate both Gale and Peeta,

Gale, yall can see why we hate him,

Peeta, he is first off the least attractive man on the planet, short, round, just plain ugly. He is so nice and it pissed me off, and before anyone says anything, YES I HAVE READ THE BOOKS, he is no help and in the books Katniss goes on for at-least a page in the games about how he is so loud and indiscrete, how she cant hunt but she cant leave him alone or he will die, then she splits up and peeta almost kills himself with berries. And in the books she mentions that she knows she cant go home without peeta or people there will never forgive her, so i think thats the only reason she didnt kill him. He was annoying as all hell and in the blink of an eye, id give his screen time to finnick, haymitch, johanna, or clove bcs I hate him.

[wonderfullymadechild33]

Mind Me, Don't Mind Me.

08/10/2024

everything is changing and I'm scared I'll forget. forget what it was like before, forget all the ways i wished i would have been before it changed. forget who i certainly am not, forget my mom and dad. I'm not really forgetful, but i don't make amends very well. once i have to move, i hesitate to accept that anything from where i once was can come with me. everything seems very black and white, very categorized in my mind. I hope by the time i die, this changes. i like how i am, but this one way about me does burn. i feel abandoned by a life that i wanted, but for a million different reasons couldn't want me back. i think im angry, and that's why im scared of forgetting it all. i am angry-- full of regret and full of destain. angry that i couldn't make things work where i wanted them to, thus angry that i have to bank on my happiness and comfort being elsewhere. where in hell else will i find comfort if not in home? it is an unfair question, perfect for the unfair world.

unfortunately, i see things differently now that the change is here, waiting outside for me to put my bags in the trunk so we can go. i could have saved myself much sooner-- but it's too late. it almost always is, isn't it? i could have done a million things differently, and i have yet to forgive myself for doing things the way I did. maybe i could have made home feel okay. maybe, change wouldn't be knocking on my front door because I've locked the door and announced that I'm not leaving. maybe i wouldn't be looking desperately for my mom throughout the house, begging her not to let them take me. but the hard truth is that she's not in this house anymore. no one is in this house anymore-- just me. i stand alone in a kitchen where mom used to hold me and dad used to laugh with me. i promise they used to be here, i promise they used to live here. and i promise you i loved them-- i promise you i love them. i wish i would have acted that way-- i wish i would have talked to them more. because now that im leaving, every ounce of the daughter i could have been disappears into the air vents and out of this house, following wherever my parents went, wherever im not anymore.

i am angry that i did not give this place as much of a chance as i swore i did. i am regretful of my own vices, my unwillingness to make beauty happen. is it fully on me? no, i don't think so. but at such a young age, i already know how differently i would do things if i were given a do over. i am scared that i will forget that i tried, scared that i will forget that i didn't ask the bear to swallow me whole and remove my heart from my chest. I am scared that i will never forgive myself for moving on, that i will forget how excited i was to have a new opportunity. I am scared that i will come back to this house someday, and see the life i could have had, had i just been a little less picky, a little more flexible. but are dreams flexible? or is that the point? that they don't bend, don't morph, and don't sway to life's circumstances?

im sitting in the car now, waiting for them to back out of this driveway, taking me with them. the porch light isn't on, because no one is coming back home. im just looking at a house now. i didnt know it could ever just be that. im scared i won't remember what it was before it was just a house. im scared that i will blame this house, and im scared that i will blame myself for it turning its back on me.

when i was little, i used to know we were home when the car hit the gravel driveway. I sat with my eyes closed in the backseat waiting for dad to carry me inside. I'm sitting in the backseat again and my eyes are closed. i feel the car roll over the gravel driveway. but this time I'm not coming home and dad isn't here. my bed isn't inside waiting for me and my mom isn't in the passenger's seat. and man do i want to cry. i miss my mom and i miss my dad. the gravel driveway used to mean we got home. but i guess it can mean we are going home from now on.

will you forget how i was, mom and dad? will you regret that i wasn't better to you? will you come visit me when i get home?

everything is changing and I'm scared ill forget what life was really like before I turned it into something it wasn't in my head--again.

WMC

[justmeinadaze]

Hi!! I just wanted to let you know how much the Head Filled with Demons series means to me. My Dad also died a couple years back from COVID and he was a full time caretaker for my terminally ill mother, so when he died I’ve been her caretaker ever since. It was so isolating, I lost all my friends and had to leave college and work because keeping her alive took up my entire day every day. Things are getting better in the regards my Mom is in long term care at a facility because she outgrew what I could do alone, but I just resonate with the story beyond what I ever could have imagined. Every detail is like it cuts through me, not in a triggering way since I’m finally at a point where I’m starting to heal, but in a way that’s validating and kind of helps heal me because it provides a way to relive my experience if I had a support system at the end of it.

O hope this comes off as the compliment I mean it to be!! Your story really spoke to me and I would love to be added to the tag list for the series! If you ever need someone to talk to about your struggles or your parents, idk how much this means coming from a stranger but as someone who has lived the same experience I’ll always be here for you.

Our experience is incredibly unique. Everyone expects their parents to die before them, but never like this. Never before their time, slowly through illness yet still not leaving you any resources or time to prepare. It’s something no one else could ever understand unless they lived it and so if you ever need comfort in someone who understands I’ll always be here to provide that if I can.

My name is Mimi, by the way!! I hope that you have an absolutely beautiful day and I’m going to probably binge some more of your writing :)

Mimi you beautiful angel❤.

First and foremost I am genuinely sorry that you had to experience that grief. Grief in any form whether it be a death or even a disconnect from a parent thats no longer around but still alive just cuts deep. When I lost my father no one explained anything to me.

I was told that you get two weeks to "properly grieve" and then you gotta get back out there. After those 2 weeks passed I remember constantly thinking "What's wrong with me? Why am I still so sad?" After 6 months, it just spiraled from there because I felt so alone. Everyone went back to their lives and I was just sitting here like "How can the world continue being normal when NOTHING is normal anymore?!"

After 2 years and some personal experiences I learned that what I was feeling was normal and worked to be more vulnerable when it comes to those things. I told myself I wanted to share those feelings because I never wanted someone to feel as empty and alone as I did.

It's been almost 10 years since I lost my father and I still miss him. Some days it still hurts just as bad as the day we lost him. Some days I just break and that's ok. All of that is ok.

I hope you know how amazing you are. Not just because you took care of your parents but also because of the strength you had to and still have to utilize everyday when it comes to those responsibilities as well the emotions you have to carry when it comes to everything involving your parents and a society that isnt quiet up to speed when it comes to grief.

Now please forgive me if some of that went off on a tangent or didnt make sense lol because of my PTSD sometimes I struggle to convey what I'm thinking. Writing these fics here has actually helped alot with that and having people on here validate and reiterate that I'm not alone in how I feel or think❤.

I'm always here if you need to talk as well and I appreciate you so much for reading my writings and your compliment.

[tia-saharaaasstuff]

And sometimes

i do get sea sick of feeling the

High and low waves crashing of everyone outside

Maybe i can fix this,

Years of freezing,

they end up fleeting

After they practice their right to tell me who i am

This is not me..

why I need

to be one of the kind

Inner Stand in

the storms we come to realize

Only after our sadness takes off its angry disguise

Watching the peices fly

Musics so loud

Cant handle hearing you sigh

I hate you, I love you.

Bc i know what its like to feel denied

Thats all i knew.

Maybe id be safer if i let my light die,

I cant dissapoint if i dont have a voice that could lie.

But i stayed..quiet..with my inner riots

"Sometimes i just feel like only you understand."

Most of the time

i feel guilty,

for thinking that maybe i can find some peace,

being alone ,

I know most dont see a choice and i seem greedy

But im so tired.

Of worrying about how they damn me if i do

and Damn me if i dont .

So i wont be around waiting for you to decide

Whether you like me today or found a new bone.

They say , "Just when things went right, it doesnt mean they were always wrong."

So i left,

Convinced by a Love so perfect, nothing said

The one i used to proudly refuse,

Unconditonal it stood by

waiting for the moment

when it caught me in embrace after i jumped off this burning bed

Free will, hardest lesson i was taught

Forget it, do what you want

There is always a choice

Where most get caught

Am i wrong for feeling extra safe when the doors got three locks?

What I NEED has been yellimg at ME from

behind each broken dream

Slowly fading frozen in time

I left her behind

All her love,  its all mine.

She was only six,

She was only nine

self hate was a pain

I used to use to get me high

The way you talk to eachother

It didnt come natural,

it was taught

We wonder why we fought

Their battles

Little soldiers

All you wanted was to make beats with your rattles

Raised on Guard

Nows too sensitive

Cover Sold to control

Its fine if you think about what you know

I am free,

not any of the me's you thought

This Love started a Fire and we the melting pots

The Great Flood

Bring us home ,womb waters

Dark nights

Turn to

Watch the warm Sun Rise 

Thankyou Saturn,

This Heart you made strong

This mind you trained over matter. 

One day ill come back

With rivers of hope

Able to Love

Without giving out peices of my

Soul.

You thought were crumbs

portion controlled

I was told, you shouldnt be so much

So i became less condensed

I gave what little i had left

To see you believe again

Id do it all over

Bc now i see the power

In ALL the wallflowers.

Lord i Pray for courage to stay in Love

Practice makes progress

I think id like to laugh more and say less

I laugh in awe of all the connectedness

And when im nervous

I mean excited , same difference

-SCR

1/4/2023

(This night was really beautiful, it started off with being tired, i saw a video that let me express my anger in a healthy way, then i heard another, with a verse that at the core i felt it said, "why not me?" And this was the backgroumd song. Somehow when i write i always snd up making analogies to water, i am a water sign/water placements, and the whole time i wrote this i listened to this song. Relating to the song by thinking about my younger self and my relationships with other people but mostly how i let myself down and how i am being patient with forgiving myself for having fragile boundaries. Letting go of old habits, and old belief habits. Then when i went to screenshot this song bc i like to attach feelings to feelings. Adding background music is a must if i can. Coming to realize the short video on this song was the most perfect. From vizuals to the words. Thankyou Thankyou Thankyou. All love, always 💞

[rearranging-deck-chairs]

thinking about clara telling 12 he made courtney feel not special and 12 at the end of the lie of the land telling bill “because in amongst seven billion, theres someone like you” and bill looking like

and 11 telling rita in the god complex "offer a child a suitcase full of sweets and they’ll take it. offer someone all of time and space and they’ll take that too. which is why you shouldnt” in that fucking self-flagellating but also proud way they do and rita says “i dont know what youre talking about but whatever it is, i have a feeling you just did it again” because they did

they know they know they know what they do and clara didnt have to tell them theyve been doing this long enough they know. and they dont like it but theyre not gonna stop doing it either which must be Great for the self-worth feelings. they have a job to do and they cant stop doing it but they also cant do it alone but also anyone they take with them will most likely get hurt or die

this is nothing new but it’s just. im thinking about the way they do it. the way they absolutely know the effect they have on people. “you make people want to impress you. you make it so they dont want to let you down”

how casually 12 throws out that line, so genuine, i 100% believe it feels true when they say stuff like that, but also bill just had a Bad 6 months. he didnt have to say this. bill asked why he puts up with humans he could say something nice about humanity as a whole, but he doesnt, he singles her out, “i put up with the rest of them because sometimes theres someone like you”. it’s sweet and i dont think it’s a lie and i dont even think it’s a conscious manipulation but like

it’s just like, a really good way to keep people with you when you make them feel like theyre at the centre of the universe like that. the universe revolves around the doctor and when youre in the eye of the storm with them youre so special. you know more than regular people, you get to know all the secrets of the universe, you get to know about aliens, you get to play hero along with them!

ROSE: I can't tell her. I can't even begin. She's never going to forgive me. And I missed a year. Was it good? DOCTOR: Middling. ROSE: You're so useless. DOCTOR: Well, if it's this much trouble, are you going to stay here now? ROSE: I don't know. I can't do that to her again, though. DOCTOR: Well, she's not coming with us. ROSE: No chance. DOCTOR: I don't do families. [...] ROSE: My mum was right. That is one hell of an age gap. Every conversation with you just goes mental. There's no one else I can talk to. I've seen all that stuff up there, the size of it, and I can't say a word. Aliens and spaceships and things, and I'm the only person on planet Earth who knows they exist.

being the object of the doctor’s affection is i think probably a bit of a horrifying experience and not a position you really want to be in, but as long as youre still in that Comments About How Theyre Putting Up With All Of Humanity Because They Like You stage and havent yet reached the Tearing The Sky Apart For You stage, it probably feels really good (do i look susceptible to companion syndrome in this post hkfjghj)

and like i said it’s not that they dont actually love their companions. of course they do. it’s just that if youre terrified of being abandoned, making people feel special like this is a good way to make them not leave you

and i think 13 probably did her best not to do this again. she didnt invite them along to new adventures at the end of 11x1. she initiates goodbyes i think three times (”ive stayed too long, i should get back to finding my tardis”, “im almost gonna miss you”, “guess we’re done, nice having you aboard”) before the fam ask to come with her

and sure she plays the kicked puppy a bit in 11x4 but she waits for yaz to invite her, shes relatively passive, actually for the doctor shes incredibly passive. and she enjoys letting them into the tardis in 11x2, but she doesnt tease really secrets and wonders if they come travel with her. she doesnt really introduce them to the tardis, she doesnt say what the name means, she doesnt let them touch anything, nobody says “it’s bigger on the inside”, she doesnt invite them to all of time and space. she doesnt suggest it could be theirs to see. i dont think she ever does. just what the fam got to see accidentally was already enough to convince them.

i really need to rewatch so i might be wrong about this, but i dont think she ever makes them feel special the same way the doctor did with companions before. she makes them feel special like a tour guide maybe, with her little points and stars system, and calling them best friends, small mundane ways that dont show off her age or history or influence. i dont think she ever suggests theyre more important than other people. i think she emphasises her love for humans as a whole. i think thats the impression they get from her. i think thats what they would say if you asked them about her. “yeah she loves humanity. me? yeah she probably likes me, we’re friends”

she never puts them in a position where theyre the only one who can save the day/world/planet/universe. she always puts herself between them and the problem. she always goes ‘no im the doctor, thats my job’. she takes that responsibility so they dont have to. they take it! when they feel like theyre forced to! when the doctor’s gone in 12x2 or 12x10, they take that responsibility for sure. i think they want to, not just yaz but especially yaz. but they feel unprepared. the doctor hasnt prepared them for this bc she doesnt want them in that position bc in that position they die.

and clearly this has not been ideal. this has not led to an ideal doctor-companion dynamic, we’ve seen how this has hurt 13 as well as especially i think yaz and ryan deeply. but the strategy has been succesful. she lost her last two companions bc she didnt get between them and the problem. with bill literally, with clara metaphorically. (going back even further this might also be the case for amy and donna and rose. she let them into positions she should have been in taking decisions she should have taken)

and however badly things have gone for 13, the strategies of Get Between Them And The Problem, and Be The Doctor Dont Let Them Do It, have WORKED. she GOT THEM HOME. if yaz doesnt die, and im willing to bet money she doesnt, she got them all home safe and sound

14′s relationship with their companions will probably be a response to what went wrong in this round and it will have its own pitfalls that 15 then gets to fix but theyre trying, theyre learning. one step forward two steps back i guess. a fun little tango with death

[bloodycassian]

darkness defined - 

az or cass x reader idk if this makes sense or not but here we go, either az or cas POV where reader (their mate) was stuck under the mountain with rhys and doesn’t come back bc she is still locked in the dungeons (rhys just assumed she died, he doesn’t know she is still alive)  Switch to readers POV, a few months later where they think their mate and their family (the night court) has abandoned them bc nobody ever came looking for her. Reader is like on the verge of death and uses her last energy to send a pulse down the bond. Switch back to az or cas POV  who are basically freaking out with guilt and anger and worried-ness. Im sorry it’s super long don’t feel pressured to write this anytime soon idk if it even makes sense  

DONT APOLOGIZE FOR BEING SPECIFIC! I LOVE WORKING WITH THIS KIND OF STUFF PLEASE DO MORE LOL

Cassian was a wreck. From the moment Rhys came home alone, and until the end of time it seemed to be. Azriel sighed, watching his brother down his second bottle of alcohol. His eyes were red, face gaunt and pale. The circles under those tortured eyes looked more like bruises. 

He hadn't talked to Rhys much since the news came that you were gone. Cassian had practically blown the roof off the house of wind, then disappeared for two weeks. The only reason Rhys had let him was because Az followed, far behind just to make sure he wasn't going to do anything drastic. 

Azriel watched his brother circle the mountain, only to have to turn away. Wards made by Helion himself refused entry to anyone while the mountain was still being evacuated of Fae. He glared daggers at the people streaming outside the shield. His heart was a painful stab in his chest constantly. His mate.. gone. He refused to believe it. And Azriel saw the denial there, plain as day. 

Azriel had only stopped him once. When he packed a bag and started his flight to Hybern. He earned a black eye and a verbal lashing for that, but it had saved Cassian from going on a suicide mission.

After a month of being out, he went to his brother. Rhys refused to ask Helion to lower the shields around the Mountain, and finally Cassian seemed to give up. He would have gone to Helion himself, but the wards around his court prevented him from doing so. Rhys was torn up over the entire experience of under the mountain, but losing you was one of the worst parts. He would never forgive himself for losing his brother's mate. 

Azriel watch his brother's eyes get more and more dull. Watched the bottles stack up. Rhys wasn't around much, busy regaining control over his city, getting updated. And keeping an eye on Spring Court.  Cassian sighed when the bitter liquid hit his tongue. He drank like it was salvation. Like it would lead him back to you. Plus, it helped him sleep. It was the only time he could sleep without seeing you, without feeling that pull - the command his instincts gave. "Find me, find me. I'm here. I love you. Please."  He often escaped to the cabin. To not have to talk to anyone, and to keep Rhys from stealing his bottles from him. Cassian was convinced Rhys was saving them to drink for himself. That's where he found himself flying, bottle of booze in hand. The guilt a lead weight in his stomach. 

The door shut, and he finished the first bottle in an hour. 

Mor appeared beside him, took the second bottle from his hand and had a long drink herself. He smiled drunkenly, showing too many teeth at her. He wasn't sure if she was actually glowing or if it was his eyes squinting too much. "Cheers." He slurred, taking the bottle back and downing more.

+ The walls were getting drier and drier with each passing day. The once cool winds that would cut through the stone dungeons were turning softer, warmer. It was a welcome relief, but without the muddy water from the walls...you knew you didn't have much left. Your spirit was crushed, on top of it. Death seemed like not a terrible option anymore.  Especially knowing that your court - your friends - your family had left you. They had just... forgotten. Thrown you aside like nothing. Didn't even try to find you. Like the Winter court skeleton in the cell beside you, just left to die.

  You pushed the thoughts back, knowing that logically that wasn't true. But you couldnt come up with a reason why they would leave you down here. You prayed, you tried sending thoughts down the bond. Nothing worked. Sometimes your mind got the better of you, and you would rush to the bars of your prison cell when you thought you heard faint footsteps. 

Then you would hear your own voice echo back, and no one else.  Eventually you stopped getting up. You let the fantasies keep you entertained while you lay on the floor. Not caring about the bugs that crawled on you. You were glad there wasn't a mirror to see yourself in. A wave of dizziness crashed over you, and you fell into darkness. 

When the water ran dry, you stopped bothering calling out for Cassian. The bond was there, but saturated. Trying to grasp it was like trying to hold wind. You were too exhausted. So you propped yourself up in a corner and let the dizziness pull you under again for a moment. Taking rattling breaths, you let your mind wander to that mind bridge. That once sturdy marble that would always remind you of Cassian. 

You sent out a final tug down that bond. Using the last of your energy, you put all your effort into it. "I'm here, I always will be. I love you. I'm sorry." The platform you imagined your bond being seemed to go dark, and lifeless. Empty.

+ Cassian shot upright, head spinning. Mor was asleep beside him, her feet on the table. He shook her, trying to shake the stupor. "Wake up. Wake up!" She groaned, weakly batting him away. He took a breath, trying to steady himself. He wobbled to the kitchen, dunked his head in the cold sink water and slapped himself a few times. The haziness from his stupor crawled away, slowly. 

Mor appeared in the archway, rubbing her eyes.

"Get Rhys. I need you to winnow us." He demanded, patting her face softly. Her eyebrows knit together but she stretched, and sleepily obliged.  + You assumed the crackling was just your starved imagination. Again. But the wind changed as well, and you tried not to let your hopes up. You weakly opened your eyes, to the same familiar cell. A silent tear slid down your cheek.  Then there were the shuffling of footsteps again, and you hid your face in your hands. It seemed like all the imagination tricks were attacking at once. You wanted it to stop. You wanted nothing more than to just fall asleep until you could see and hold Cassian again. Voices, now.

The sweet deep voice of a man who spoke another language. An ancient language. Your ears rang. You cracked your eyes again, to a blinding white light. You held a hand in front of your face, trying to see behind it. 

A thud, and scrape of metal. Then the scent hit you. It was similar to what you had imagined but somehow a million times better. Then, his arms were around you. "Mother above." He breathed. You would have thought the mother took you at last if it wasnt for the pain in your gut.

"We got you honey, I'm so sorry. Im-" He tried to hold back a sob. You smiled weakly at the familiar, yet different eyes that you loved. The marble platform you shared seemed to be lighting up with happiness. At the same time, crumbling and falling with shame. Anguish. 

Rhys began winnowing the group immediately, nodding to Helion. The high lord gave him a melancholy smile back, and winnowed himself in a flash of light. He would check the rest of the mountain with his forces and repair the wards before he returned to his home. 

Everyone surrounded the healer, watching her work. Mor was trying to stay calm, but her hands shook when she held Amrens. Rhys and Azriel both had jaws clenched, shoulders tense. Watching the way Cassian's tears fell on to your shoulder as he cradled you. The healer squeezed  his arm softly, silently requesting him to move. He didn't.

Azriel went to his brother, wrapping an arm around him. "Your mate needs you to be strong, Cas." He consoled, pulling him away gently. Cassian held you tighter, just for a second then nodded and let go. He held your hand firmly. His warmth missing from your body was a shock. You began shivering. Amren tugged a blanket off the guest couch nearby and placed it over your legs. 

"T-thanks." you muttered. Her eyes widened, but she nodded. Her and Rhys glanced to each other. A silent conversation. You didnt care. 

"Cas?" You squeezed his hand, and there he was. His pale face looked ragged. He seemed like he was struggling in every sort of way. You didnt want to imagine what he was looking at when he looked at your features. You could practically feel your cheeks sinking in, your bones losing their density. "I missed you." You smiled, trying to lift his mood. 

His lips quivered, and he nodded. He kissed the back of your hand. "You wouldnt believe how much I missed you. All of us did." he glanced to Rhys. His face was blank, but that steady stream of power seemed to be crackling outside. 

You let your eyes drift to each of your friends. Each of their tear stained faces were such a welcome relief. Over a month alone, their presence alone was enough to soothe that part of you that doubted their love. 

Cassian kissed your forehead, before the healer's light knocked you into a peaceful sleep.