#about 200 photos later and I really think I'm on to something here

[respectthepetty]

In case you missed it, I have a Wild Ass Theory about black and white colors from QL promos:

Black/White Photo Covers

Black/White Photo Covers 2

Black/White Photo Covers 3

Black/White Photo Covers 4

Black/White Photo Covers 5

So here's my monthly contribution!

The newbies:

The ladies:

Zee & NuNew

Jimmy & Sea

Pavel & Pooh

The OGs:

It never ends

[respectthepetty]

I have a Wild Ass Theory, so I think this is a good place to leave these:

YinWar will be switching in Jack & Joker, and we all cheered!

I'm not even exaggerating when I say these two have been going against industry standards since the very beggining, when they took the piss out of fanservice so hard that they became known for capsizing their own ship, and now they'll further deviate from the BL fixed pair norm and reverse roles as a way to tackle certain queer topics. Just last year @poetry-protest-pornography and I were talking about YinWar having both the willingness and the range to pull off something like this since they weren't held back by any company, and of course these men will deliver given that they have the luxury of doing whatever the hell they want as independent artists and producers of their own series. Dreams do come true!

[Eng trans.] Yin: I mean, people, let's say fans, will focus on "YinWar". By definition, "Yin" is the top in terms of roles, right? Y: So, I listened to the writers' ideas. They said that they intentionally reflected this issue, and that, in reality, it's not something fixed that way. Yin/Seoul: It switches. Y: Right. S: So it can be WarYin or YinWar. Y: Right. War: They wanted to convey that it's a matter of preference, and that it's much broader than that. It's broader than we think. The fact that two men should have fixed [sex] roles, only that way, or that people can only have one specific preference, it's not true. It's very flexible. It's something normal. Y: If people intend to be open-minded, we really have to be open-minded in the sense that they wanted to convey. After listening to it, it's brilliant. It's right. It feels like how it should be.

[weebsinstash]

Really like the idea of a yandere Vox who is so ride or die for his overconsumerist capitalist Musk-esque lifestyle UNTIL he sees it negatively affecting his darling and does a complete 180

like take that poly red string soulmate Vox x Reader x Alastor concept and, you've got Alastor KINDA warming up to technology and willing to watch TV and do other things with you but he's still not a fan of you being on your phone constantly and some of the video games and movies you consume. He's on the couch reading a paper and (affectionately) rolling his eyes as you and Vox take turns headshotting each other in a video game and hollering "hell yeah, suck my fucking dick!!"

Meanwhile Vox is just 200% chronically online and loving it until one day he asks you why you wear baggy clothes all the time and you're ever so casually replying "because my body is fucking icky, duh" and Vox has absolutely no idea what you're talking about until you break down on a tangent about it

I was watching a clip the other day where someone was pointing out that Marilyn Monroe was considered the 50s icon of beauty and there are plenty of photos with her with thick thighs or a visible belly pooch and, imagine Vox sitting there, the disbelieving 'are you joking?' smile falling off of his face as you just, go OFF, "why would I wear anything other than sweatpants? I have fucking CELLULITE VOX, I'll NEVER have leggings legs no matter how thin I am, and look at my hip dips, they're so fucking GROSS, and my butt isn't shaped right, I have banana rolls, and, do I have siren eyes or doe eyes?! Am I bunny cute or am I frog cute?! And look at how bad my facial balancing is! Ugh, where's my gua sha?! I'm so tired of being UGLY!!"

Later that week Alastor is looking up from his paper to see Vox just, slowly entering the room, sloooooowly shutting the door behind him, looking to his old friend, "so hey! Funny idea, stop me if you've heard this one before but, I was thinking we could uh, maybe take their phone away annnnnnnnnnd... not give it back?" and here's Alastor, "oh, funny story! So earlier today they asked me if I 'wouldn't like them anymore' if they got COSMETIC SURGERY, yeah, ON THEIR FACE BELIEVE IT OR NOT, so, naturally, I'm already one step ahead of you :)" as he just casually gestures to the smashed wifi router in the garbage can in the corner of the room

You just get home from work one day and Vox has his CRT head back on and you're told 'if you want to look something up online, you can use the desktop in the computer room, and only 3 hours of screen time' and it all but blasts you 15 years into the past 💀 no more nights where you're gaming for 5+ hours straight and ruining your sleep. No more skipping meals because you're hyperfocused and binge-watching an anime while also playing an idle game on your phone. No more Alastor and Vox finding out you're just smoking bowls for hours literally nonstop because you need some sort of extra stimulation while you doomscroll and watch 3 hour long roast reviews for shows you've never watched

Alastor catches you swiping through an app and you get a divisive video thrown in your face from some alpha dude bro podcast, "yeah, a real man knows how to protect his lady! She should be at home cooking and keeping the house clean, not running around like a tramp and doing dumb chick stuff! All women need to focus on is marriage and being good wives, you know, a TRADITIONAL relationship!" and Alastor is just, swiping that shit out of your hand, "he DOES have a bit of a point, repulsive as he is! I suppose I'll have to start looking at potential dwellings that can fit you, me, and, I SUPPOSE Vox too 🙄" and little do you know he's already got a cute little home in the 'burbs set up already. He's just... you know! Waiting for the right moment to let you and the annoying TV bastard know that you'll be moving! Maybe he'll just... wait until the day of! Nothing beats a fun surprise, right? ^^ he doesn't want either of you... trying to run away or anything after all haha!

[ohyoufool]

Some Sentence Sunday

Thanks, @thoughtsofthegirlwiththecurl!

This is soooo crazy, but I'm actually working on something for YOU! Finally starting to make some serious progress on the 200 follower AU prompt series that's been giving me and my job the hairy eyeball for MONTHS. So ummm give me a couple days to edit this and hopefully it'll be up by the end of the week.

So without further ado, here's a sneak peak of your request!

The point is: Bitty is broke, and twenty, and needs a new pair of boots. He picks up his phone and skims through the local listings on Facebook, trawling slowly for something that could work. One photo catches his attention – clearly well done, a pair of near-new hiking boots sitting on the light hardwood of someone’s floor. Bitty clicks on the ad. Just-used hiking boots. Size 8M. Pickup only. He scrolls through the photos – and yeah, actually these look perfect. Bitty hovers over the message button, feeling for a moment like this is too good to be true, before he thinks fuck it, and types something out. Hi! Really interested in these. I can grab them later tonight or tomorrow before noon. Let me know, can pay cash. (づ ◕‿◕ )づ Bitty pockets his phone, and watches Shitty swing his legs off the stage casually, wrapping soundcheck and chatting with Lardo about their set. He pulls out his phone and snaps a photo, uploading it to the band’s Instagram with the caption “ready for u, Providence!” and a series of cheerful emojis. He adds a link to last minute tickets and hits post, leaning back against the stage and waiting for the venue doors to open.

Hereby summoned to join the party:

@montrealmadison @mkaugust @doggernaut and anyone else who wants to join in!

[xxmarvelouslifexx]

Hello to the handful of you who enjoy reading about my adventures. I need to do something besides work and doomscroll so I am attempting to visit all the museums in Balboa Park and making you all hear about it. Since I am driving into the city more, might as well get some visits in while I'm at it. Long post so I will hide the rest of it down below.

First up, kinda mentioned it before but home to the fun cannibalism exhibit:

Museum of Us (formerly known as the Museum of Man)

Anthropology museum! Had a bunch of fascinating exhibits I didn't even get through half of them. They had some replica mayan stelae, which as it turns out are from the 1915 Panama-California Exposition, which was held in Balboa Park and helped turn it into the jewel of San Diego that it is now. This updated exhibit on Mayan culture I thought was well done. In the intro they explained how they worked with Mayan consultants to ensure the exhibit was respectful and reflective of modern Mayan communities. Throughout there were excerpts of the Popol Wuj, one of the foundational sources of their mythology, which I thought was very cool. They also very much went into the impact of colonization on their communities.

My favorite exhibit of the ones I saw: Hostile Terrain 94. It was heavy, I almost cried to be honest. It explores the very deadly human impact of the 1994 "Prevention through Deterrence" US border policy. Which for my non-american followers was the purposeful choice to make official border ports of entry and their surroundings urban areas more difficult for undocumented migrants to cross, leaving them with limited options, such as crossing the barren Sonoran desert instead. The map you see above is the Arizona, USA and Sonora, Mexico border. Those tags you see all over the map are identification tags for all the bodies found of migrants attempting to make the journey. 3,205 from the 1990s through 2020 alone. Manila are identified, orange are unidentified remains.

My parents immigrated from Mexico, as did many of my tias and tios. They were all undocumented for a time. Luckily for them, they all crossed pre-1994 with few difficulties. So I couldn't help it think, that could've been them if things turned out differently. Reading through the tags, seeing how young some were, a woman 19 years old, barely even had a chance to live. And the unidentified remains. How many families are out there still searching for answers? The border isn't just a political talking point. Congress' inability to move on immigration reform is a disgrace when there is so much human suffering occurring at the border and the routes to it.

San Diego Natural History Museum

Moving on to lighter subjects. Dinosaurs and fossils! This place is huge, 4 floors of some amazing exhibits. Again did not even fully finish one floor. Really enjoyed the ecosystems corner that explained the very diverse habits that exist around here. Not to brag but beaches, mountains, deserts, chaparral we got it all.

Look at the ankylosaur and mammoth skeleton. Neat! And below the California Grizzly Bear. It's the one our state flag and also the one we very sadly hunted to extinction in 1922.

One last one because this is getting long.

Museum of Photographic Arts (part of the San Diego Museum of Art)

Apparitions, Bill Armstrong, 2005

They had some very interesting photos here! I had to document this one for you all. No, I was not out of focus, that is what the photos look like. And the subjects are described only as "roman sculptures". So are some of our guys hiding up there? One of them is looking awfully caesar-y to me.

They also have a collection of daguerreotype, ambrotype, and tintypes. Which I had no idea were different things. So fascinating to look at. Did these people imagine we'd still be looking at their photos almost 200 years later?

I've knocked two more museums off the list this week, so another post coming soon. Hope you actually enjoyed this very long post :)

[majaloveschris]

Why nothing makes sense, part 3.

Papwalk and Disneyland edition

In this post, I will discuss what has happened since the NYC PR walk and give my opinion about it. We've pretty much already talked about these things; this is going to be a summarizer, and I will add more to my already shared opinions. I'd like to mention again that I'm not trying to change anybody's opinion. If you believe it's true, that's okay, but I'm here to tell you why I think it's not.

We got a picture of her yoga certificate after the paparazzi walk in Central Park. After visiting the page, I pointed out that it's an online course, so she was basically able to do this from anywhere she wanted; she didn't need to be there for those 200 hours, and there is no evidence she was there. I guess the reason she visited the place personally was to receive her certificate. I guess doing this course was both beneficial for her and for this whole PR thing; she did something she enjoys, and they made it look like she spent time in Atlanta, and of course if they have been "together" for a year, where else would she stay if not with Chris? Nobody has ever seen her there, and what was the point of doing the pap in NYC when they had been staying together for a while in Atlanta? They could've done the pap picture there, right? It would've looked more real and natural than walking in Central Park.

Then there was the Disneyland craziness. According to workers there, Chris was seen with his family, and he was recognizable; he didn't try to hide himself. Then we got the video of them being there together, recorded by an actress who also had a photo of Alba in her gallery; at the end of the video, we could've heard one of the girls say, "We are good." Until Friday, nobody had seen Alba there; they only saw Chris and his family. Now we know that on the same morning Chris took a picture with Mickey Mouse, changed, and put on that hat, making himself unrecognizable. Alba's tattoo, on the other hand, was clearly visible, ensuring that everyone knew it was her and that they were together. Interestingly, on later pictures, she wore the sweatshirt she had around her waist on the video. It felt like she needed to show the tattoo because otherwise nobody would've known for sure it was them, and I guess Chris didn't want people to recognize him while she was there with him. It's important to note that he had no problem with this earlier in the week. The video was similar to what we saw uploaded of them in NYC by fans and by online pages; there was no chemistry, they were rushing, and nothing would indicate on that video that they are actually together. Alba was trying to touch him, but he wasn't really happy about it, and he didn't reciprocate it. According to that anon's friend who I was talking to, we know the following: Alba arrived on Friday with a small suitcase; she didn't stay at the same hotel they did, and when Chris and his family left, Alba wasn't there with them. After people complained about them looking not even slightly happy or that they never smiled and just awkwardly walked next to each other, we received those "smiling" pictures from Carly, which we had already known about because blogs received asks stating that "an important somebody will post happy pictures." We also received one more of them sitting on a ride, which surprisingly didn't get out just days after they supposedly left Disney. In those pictures, I'd say Alba is trying, but Chris doesn't reciprocate it again. He has his hands either in his pocket or next to himself in a fist. Alba also had his hands in a fist when she put her hands on Chris's chest in the photo. All in all, their body language was still off in those pictures; it didn't feel like they were comfortable around each other or like they had been together for a year. They have no couple energy at all.

That's all we know now. These sightings and events have only made me more sure that it is PR.

Thanks for reading! ♥

[maguro13-2]

Death Vengeance ~ Origins of the Ink Demon Chapter 3 Pt.9

"Iris! Stay with me, Iris! You're going to be okay!"

"Stay with me, Iris!"

"Iris!"

Amaterasu/First Pillar : A...Akuma-Kun...I gave my big trust to you. I never thought you would've really liked me. You...[voice breaking] You.... Big dummy!

"200 years in the bad future of Sonic's World"

[Crisis City - Sonic's World (Bad Future)]

[Brief Relief - Jun Senoue]

Mephiles : Good morning, Iblis. How are you feeling today?

Amaterasu (As Iblis) : Never mind me, that I would be alive today. So about becoming this thing called the Flames of Disaster, I was wondering about something, why does the name "Iblis" is really translate into Devil? More importanly, what really happened to the Ohkuboverse 1000 years ago?

Mephiles : Time has changed, There's nothing to recall of the world of Shinra Kusakabe, this Soul World he created would officially make it's end, rewriting it's story, retconning the plot, finding out of where would the Ohkuboverse meeting it's end on the chronlogical basis. It's world, it's heroes and villains, living in one universe that only craves nothing but death and destruction, the world you only knew once in the Ohkuboverse to reign chaos, has already been destroyed by this one person that destroyed half of it! (shows a photo of Homura Akemi) This is the person we would like to blame.

Amaterasu (As Iblis) : That's very good to hear, sir. [a vision of Shinra appears] A...Akuma-kun.

Mephiles : Hmm? Did you said something?

Amaterasu (as Iblis) : No, nothing! Not at all! I'm just wondering something. [hears doorbell ringing]

Mephiles : It seems that you have visitors!

[cuts to Silver and Blaze while he's ringing on the doorbell]

Silver : Come on out, you monster!

Blaze : Oh my freaking God! You are so worthless at answering doors. I'll go give it a knock first!

Mephiles : I'll give those two a warm welcome, when the Iblis Trigger is alive.

Amaterasu (As Iblis) : Understood, sir. [Mephiles teleports] Shinra-Kun, it's been 1000 years since the Ohkuboverse was completely destroyed by the hands of that so-called Time Eater. Needless to say, that my reunion with you would never lasts since giving birth to the Demon Weapons that I helped with those humans. So now, My reunion with you, Akuma-kun, shall forever be in your memories, and in your dreams. You'll remember me as my host. Finally, with the redemption from the hedgehog's world, justice to the Heartless will be served!

"Meanwhile back at Hidden Base..."

[The Base - Tomoya Ohtani]

Roxas : Phew! It's a good thing that we managed to pass through the Pyramid Cave Level. Now then, what do we say about this door? Are you sure that this is the way to find NASA's rocket that the mad scientist stole from Florida?

Ashley : Well, certainly. This is all for the best that it has to be one of NASA's spacecraft that is gotta be inside the Pyramid. Look closely, but I know something suspicious at this ancient ruins-turned facility to thinking that the Necromancer Samantha was supposed to be here?

Roxas : Well, there's always a chance there's three locks on the door. One's for the rockets, while the other's for the space transporter. Guess we'll have to find the key, three keys that are needed to unlock the door. So, which one of you is taking the Death Chamber level? Raise your hands

[the group except for Ashley, raised their hands]

Roxas : And anyone who isn't chicken enough to get those keys at the Egg Quarters level, raise your hands. [Both him and Ashley raise their hands] What? Well, I guess it's just you, Ashley, you'll just have to find those three keys first to unlock the door.

Ashley : What do I have to? Alright, fine! I'll get those three keys from the Death Chamber level first.

"Several hours of key collecting later..."

Ashley : (sighs) It took me hours to find these three keys to open the door. I bet Samantha the Necromancer might be here. Hmm? Why is the whole room gone pitch-black. Is there really Darkness inside the Hidden Base? I was right about it from Roxas. The Hidden Base pyramid is really haunted by someone that is inhabited by ghosts called Boos and Boom Boos, they compare their selves to the Hyudoros of Sandopolis, ghosts that lived inside the pyramid on Angel Island. But speaking of Sandopolis ghosts, [behind her is King Boom Boo creeping on her] where does SEGA get an idea of a haunted-themed level for a hedgehog's world that takes place in pyramids? [hears King Boom Boo noises] That noise. I know it somewhere, and who is this I hear?

Red the Demon (as Ashley's wand) : Uh, Ashley?

Ashley : [turns and sees the ghost behind her] W-What the? This ghost resides in a pyramid like this?

[Masters of the Desert - Jun Senoue]

Ashley : Oh God! Oh man! [King Boom Boo starts throwing flame projectiles while attempting to attack Ashley] It's that darn echidna-eating ghost freak! Not the smartest creature to ever think of, I gotta get out of the darkness and find some light! Maybe that hourglass switch will do the trick. But eventually, when sunlight can't endure him like vampires or werewolves, This will actually revert him to a normal size.

Red the Demon (as Ashley's Wand) : Good thinking, Ashley!

(scene flips)

Ashley : Now who's scary now, huh? Not so tough ain't it? [King Boom Boo screams like a girl and runs off] Ghosts in Pyramid, they weren't that smart. Now then...where we? [scene changes to the group Egg Golem Boss stage where the witch Necromancer is at] There you are! Samantha the Necromancer, Your crimes of bringing the Undead are finished!

Samantha : Damn! the cops! How did you figured it out that I was going to create an army?

Ashley : There's no turning back now. Surrender now and put your hands up in the air.

Samantha : I-I-I don't know what you're talking about! I was only creating an army of undeads!

Ashley : With re-animation magic!? You were trying to control a fake Anubis, which is a heartless is in disguise before Pyramid Anubis was destroyed by the hands of the giant Golem. Your little tricks won't work this time! I am placing you under arrest!

Samantha : Please, I'm just begging! I was only making a quick buck!

Ashley : Did you really defunct Pyramid Anubis? Are you the one responsible for the destruction?

Samantha : It wasn't me! I swear it, it was only a setback, the others think we're evil, but were only just criminals, not evil! The ones that are evil is the Kusakabe, it's their legacy that they wanted to protect! Lying was their specialty!

Ashley : So much for you to talk. You have absolutely no idea what you gotten yourself into.

Roxas : Nasty witches like you have committed a felony over undead people with your so called magic. What are you gonna do about it?

Samantha : What do you expect? I guess I'll just have to turn myself into Majo Detective Custody!

??? : How about it here and now? [Snap!]

Samantha : Huh? AAAAAHH---[KABOOOM!] *Coughs* I have never been defeated.

??? : Sorry to bother you, but that dastardly necromancer witch has been driving me nuts all the time! I bet that Shinra's man-made son has made a fool out of me to thinking that I'm a monster or an evil person, referring to the ones they call their selves "Heartlesses".

Ashley : Hey it's you, the Jackal-headed god of death himself, the real Anubis.

Anubis : That is correct, You knew that I was the one figuring out that the whole Soul Eater thing was all just a load of crap! Soul Eater this, Soul Eater that, what's the deal with that so-called world of a Japanese manga? The world of Soul Eater was created by the Devil himself, Shinra Kusakabe. And it was his Stupid Influence that made Humans and Witches becoming arrogant assholes to each other. Soul Eater's real name is just plain ol' Soul World. That's the true name of Soul Eater, you hardly understand?

Roxas : Y...Yeah, we totally understand! Everyone wants to know why does anybody think that Soul World made you a living undead monster?

Anubis : Because the author of their manga was a freaking weirdo and his crazy ass stories that he made up were never really true, but I do believe that Soul World might be connected to the Kusakabe Legacy about 1000 years ago. And for Pyramid Anubis? That tomb from Soul World, it was an ugly tomb anyway, so I had to demolish it with the powers of mine. Apparently, That weird symbol on that phony Pharaoh is really connected between the Kusakabe Legacy and Soul World itself. Believe it or not, the Phoney Pharaoh had that symbol and we took the daily basis of a toothy smiley face logo. They call this logo a symbol of a clown, a symbol of the Dokeshi.

Grim (Metal Sonic) : That's right.

Samantha : No! Not you! It can't be you!

Grim (Metal Sonic) : That Logo on the Wrath of the Pharaoh, is indeed the emblem of the Dokeshi Alliance, therefore, a charlatan in the real world is really behind all of this. And heck, Even the true Pharaoh is only just the King of Games. I heard that Shotaro the Dokeshi has monitored everything around the world. And he knows that he knew that Soul World was Shinra's creation of putting the planet to Despair, and that Despair was someone else's idea, a Heartless somebody that is the true mastermind, and his name is...DEMON VIBE!

Samantha : NOOOOOOOOO! [SLICE+SPLAT]

"Shinra Kusakabe....You deluded fool of a hero of mine."

~ Forty-First Scene : The Thousand Year Reunion ~

[firespirited]

A lot has happened and I got the selective mutism again so here's a sleep meds dump.

Effie the cat abandoned by lady two doors down who's having a mental health crisis is currently living in our garden. We were going to rehome her but neighbour complexities mean that she'll be eating at the neighbours house and possibly slowly moving into their garage as their territorial cat adapts. She is a bird killer which annoys M, J who's very allergic has decided to mediate the whole cat business. I still think Effie would have no problem finding a new home but J's vetoed that. So there's a cat outside the window and I might need to build some sort of rainproof shelter soon. Papaye the cat is also back living in the building and two orange young cats moved opposite. Thankfully no fights yet.

I hurt my wrist doing some small crafts and barely any writing. RSIs are horrid. It's been a year. Very annoyed.

On the other hand uh so to speak, four people decide to shop for my dolls this week. Months of nada then 4 at once. I have parted with my preciouses, the baldies (and kept more than enough projects) to a fellow customizer and fully don't care if they get trashed, flipped into $200 customs or sit in a drawer. They're blank canvases that I can't paint. The ideas for the paintings can wait for another time, another scale, maybe even another medium.

I sent my first parcel to the states in ages!!! Will let you know how that goes!

Aaand the money earned on deglued catty noir and a couple of partial/yarn reroots went... straight back into 38 doll heads. I know. I knoooow.

So I had a rough series of days then I struck up conversation with a lady at the phonebox library to ask if she knows who runs it. She didn't know but volunteers at the red cross store in town. It was the kind of conversation that starts out friendly and I knew within a few minutes that if I didn't find a bunch of things to say that she was going to tell me her life story and probably trauma dump (which could be anything from getting older and adapting to empty nest to seriously awful), not sure why I have this effect on people but I do. I filled a awkward lull in conversation about people throwing away items that are still useful by stating that I repair fashion dolls and the enjoyment in making something old new again and learning about various crafts and she really wanted to either commission me for her 18y/o daughter's dolls or hand me the pile she's been keeping from throwing away at the red cross at which point I remembered my neck is borked (!) , i tried to repeatedly back pedal and explain that I'm currently not doing any commissions but ended up mumbling while staring at my feet oddly choked up that 'health has been a serious issue' lately and pretending Lily had pulled on her lead to change the subject. We ended the convo with thanks for her volunteer work and putting books at the phonebox, for the lovely chat, have a nice day etc.

It stuck like a piece of grit in the cogs for a few hours and then I heard we might someday get a vaccine for autoimmune diseases but that's the 15th 'promising' cure in 25 years, they really bum me out. We've been this close so many times before. I want the cure, i want the disabled to have value. I want hope. I want to not feel in debt and at society's mercy 24/7.

Later I was doing my normal ebay check just in case that rare doll drops and made a bid thinking that I probably wouldn't get it. What was in my mind was "dolls are my hobby and expertise - you can't use your shoulders so you don't have a hobby or expertise - i do it's a hiatus - it's been a year and no progress when does it end?" on a sort of quiet background loop of brain nonsense. As you do.

26euro shipped. 38 heads, 30 bodies (2heads and the bodies not pictured), terrible photos but I spied GG Nichelle, anime 90s skipper, Miko, vintage Steffie, Midge and Tutti.

It's an excellent investment if even 2 or 3 end up in decent condition.

It's also 38 steps backwards in the 'destash and stop messing with the shoulders' efforts, right at a point where I'm getting somewhere. You can't be like 'que sera que sera' when you're actively making choices.

IDK I was really hoping for a sign or a way forward and my dr and physio are super passive which is both great because they don't put me in positions where I have to face post exertional malaise by their hands only my own choices but I also do all of my own medical research and bring it to them for approval. I've run out of clues or ideas for my swollen tongue and damaged vertebrae. It makes me feel trapped then stupid happens. No, feeling trapped leads me to choose a thing that will make me feel mastery of crafts and skills and it also comes with a price tag of massive pain.

***Seriously it's small potatoes, some hobby supplies from a hobby I'm crippled at.***

... But it's symptomatic. It's part of a large scale pattern of reclaiming some sense of personal, well not control and probably not usefulness/productivity but something close to usefulness/skills? It's not quite dignity either but there's a little bit of pride in there. I'm not going to ruminate on a year of bad decisions or whether they were the least bad decisions to balance sanity and health. But there's something broken since the pandemic for sure and probably long before that I'm running from. It could even be being raised in the 'purposeful' life mindset (if you know you know)

ok i keep deleting paragraphs and paragraphs of unpacking stuff from my twenties so I'll leave it at that so my brain will allow this. The teal dear of it is that it's awfully hard to just exist without 'contributing' or generating money or cosmic goals I guess. Allowing yourself to be a mote and a blip in the universe sure is difficult.

I wouldn't allow this kind of talk from friends who have innate value to me. Hmm.

It sure was a nice few years getting to make things and I'm finding it hard to imagine a different life despite living it for a year.

__________

Well happy 21st everyone. Feed your skeleton and ear snails some funk today. Don't let the existential bedbugs bite (especially if they're ticks). Wear a mask when around gen pop and take the painkillers, things shouldn't hurt. 💚💚💚

I have a package of heads to look forward to. And a cat outside the window. And some introspection to avoid. 😅

[pukh]

hi, everyone! my nickname is pukh.

всем привет! мой ник - пукх.

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I have never done smth like this before. unless once upon a time I led my group on the VKontakte social network, together with my girlfriend. once it was a group about a boyzband, which had only 200 people, another group was about our thoughts, strange humor, in generally it was a strange group, but it had about 1,500 subscribers. later we gave up all that. I've always wanted to be a blogger, someone famous, an actress, or shoot video content somewhere, but at the same time I didn't want to. perhaps this is due to the fear that I won't achieve the opportunities I expect from myself, as it usually happens. also, I'm not an interesting person at all. every time I wanted to do something, I left it for later, thinking that I had no opportunities, both material and psychological. but later, after a while, I noticed how many people become famous starting with poor devices and so-so a preparation. but after probably 10 years of my fiery desire, I decided to do at least something close to my desires.

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this spring, a friend offered to shoot tiktok videos a computer club for a small fee.

I agreed, because I won't hide it, I love money and I really needed it then, although until that time I hadn't been photographed with anyone except my family for a long time (I didn't want to upset them and that's a lot of unnecessary conversations, "you are beautiful❗(ｰ̀дｰ́) "; "who offended you?(｡・`ω´･)" ;"you're stupid, you have nothing to do but invent complexes, it's better to think about studying(▼へ▼メ)". I write like this for a reason, a couple of times I certainly didn't want to be photographed...). in 2021 I went to college on a budget, although I am an active person and have always been like that, but I don't like to take pictures, but for the sake of proving my active student life, I had to take pictures

(and then I usually went in a mask, even after the end of the training regime), I still didn't take pictures of myself. after working in a computer club as a ticktocker, I began to treat photos normally, but I still didn't post photos anywhere.by the way, tiktok's project, of course, did not meet my expectations from myself, for a while I was very disappointed, but my studies distracted me from this.

recently I was looking for a part-time job, but because of my studies, little is suitable, I came across live broadcasts for money. there it was necessary to start the broadcast for casting 1 time within an hour, surprisingly my first broadcast WITH A CAMERA!!! it was not bad, there were a lot of compliments, but the broadcast platform is definitely not mine, while I was in the hoodie oversize, there, as I realized, a lot of men came in to look at the girls and their forms, they didn't write me anything like that, I just made this conclusion, maybe I'm wrong.

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and now I have come to the conclusion that I want to create something like a blog, but not in my native language (Russian, Kazakh), but in English, just to be closer to my desires and dreams, and also to improve my knowledge of English. I haven't chosen a blog topic yet. I do not know whether to dedicate my blog to Sims, do some stories here, or dedicate a blog to my life and thoughts, or maybe dedicate a blog to passing games, I do not know for sure, but I wish myself good luck.

[waterfall-ambience]

information on damien vexx's non-existent childhood and infancy ('what if they realised he was 'alive' much earlier? how would that have gone?'). some of this will never be relevant, it's equivalent to headcanons, but i had fun thinking about it regardless:

older than avery, though not by much. im not sure how it works out specifically considering both of them were grown in vats, but damien has the vibes of someone who was born a few weeks premature. little guy.

captain luna quickly takes responsibility, and the gods are a bit obsessed with watching him be a father at 200+ years old. he has some experience dealing with infants but he himself never had children.

the perpetua key is kept FAR AWAY from the kids. luna is NOT risking anything.

there is a photo of damien and avery as newborns that everyone talks about, mostly because they find the size difference between them to be amusing.

luna and minerva both turn up to meetings swaddling their children, especially after they were just born. they end up trading parenting tips.

damien is a bit of a fussy baby. he cries often and sounds like a small cat. he doesn't like the bottle but they really don't have any other options because hey, clones.

avery, on the other hand, is much calmer and more quiet. he doesn't cry or babble as much.

damien learns to talk slightly early (+ with a lisp), though his more 'diplomatic' behaviours are from mimicking captain luna rather than anything else. uses 'tetu' for 'thank you'. one time luna sang along to a lullaby they had on CD damien told him 'dada, lets just listen' ('dad, shut up').

damien is not a difficult toddler, per se, but he can come across as a bit of a brat/priss/what have you (though it's hardly intentional). years later, avery notes that as a child damien always seemed to be in some state of discomfort.

(^^ was it the ambiguous neurodivergency? possibly. there's a story about him saying the same phrase over and over again for over an hour, though otherwise his 'developmental milestones' and forms of pretend play read as exceedingly normal, so luna never got him checked for anything back then.)

damien's presence in a lot of their home videos are marked by his coughing (diagnosed with asthma at age 3, has hygiene practices burned into his brain from then on but he still sounds like an ipad kid)

avery is more of an adventurous child. after the first couple of years he gets louder and starts talking a lot and he finds joy in tackling people (damien doesn't like it as much, and they both learn a valuable lesson about expressing boundaries and not playing too rough).

avery gets his hair cut into an asian bowl cut for the first time, and goes "i'm a boy!! :D " upon seeing himself in the mirror (damien reacts in a similar manner once he sees him). avery keeps his hair like this forever.

minerva learns that avery struggles with reading aloud so she makes him read to damien anyway (similar to how things are in canon)

in this turn of events, the kids are much more like siblings or cousins than anything else (and no future romantic interest here! definitely not!). they bicker a lot when they're small but once they hit 8-9~ years old, they're best friends.

they do A LOT of pretend play. in their adventure stories, avery likes being the hero and damien sometimes dabbles in being the person who has to be saved.

"you hit me!! (sobs)" "shh it's okay! you can hit me back!" "(sobbing continues)"

they cheat off each other's homework at one point and both get scolded.

avery's major point of insecurity is more focused on him being 'talentless' than because early on damien proves to be an adept magic user. the kid waits on a miracle like crazy.

damien's full name in this version of events is something along the lines of 'fabian augusto luna' (captain luna names him after augustin as a way of circumventing the possibility of him being 'brought back wrong')

[k0kichiimagines]

this is my first time participating in a raffle and I got second AAAAAA I have no clue what I want umm can I get a text request of shuichi texting his dead s/o saying how he misses them and stuff make it as sad as possible LMAOO also how about a little oneshot of shuichi and his s/o on a cottagecore picnic date (do you remember that one ask I sent in ab shuichi having a childish side,, yeah you gotta include them blowing bubbles together or I will riot/j)

once again congrats on 200!!! It feels like yesterday you were at only 100 I'm so glad I got to watch your blog grow!! <3

COTTAGECORE PICNIC i love!! also i added some text with the text request,,, added angst yknow,,

also thank you so much! <3 it doess feel like it grew quickly sjdhje i really appreciate it thank u :')

Cottagecore picnic one shot and angsty Shuichi text request

CW: Character death for the first one

Shuichi Saihara sat on the edge of your- no his bed. On the small table next to him sat your now repaired mobile, still switched off and waiting. It had gotten close to being unrepairable during the accident, and he didn't even know why he kept it, or why, after nearly a year later, he now wanted to fix it.

But he did, and he had. And now he hands shook as he switched it on, the logo of the model coming on the screen before disappearing quickly, your homescreen showing instead and making his heart clench. The photo of your hands, both of your hands, entwined sweetly.

Perhaps this was why he wanted it. To find more photos, more traces that you had existed, more proof you weren't just a dream. That the empty feeling in the flat wasn't a dream, or your clothes still in the draws, or the bed that was too big for one, or.

He was pulled from his thoughts with the sound of a ping, a message. It wasn't his phone, it sounded different. And another. And another. He unlocked your phone, finding the messages from him appearing. His heart was in his throat, he felt like the air was taken out of his lungs.

It went from his first concerns, to the dreaded waiting, to the one time he deluded himself into thinking you were still here, just on a quick trip away.

The messages stopped. The silence now left him alone, the sound of his shaken breaths falling on deaf ears, it felt unreal.

Perhaps he wasn't ready for this. For more reminders of you. He placed the phone down, burying his face into hands, hyper aware that, as what was now usual, you're no longer there to comfort him, that even if he convinced himself you just away on a trip it wouldn't bring you back into his arms.

Again, the sickening loneliness arrived.

Cottagecore Picnic! Something wholesome, no CWs

He held his eyes shut as he followed your, the firm grasp of your hand leading him, holding a basket with your other hand and him a blanket. He knew you were having a picnic - that much was obvious - he just didn't know where exactly, and was pleasantly surprised when you called from him to open his eyes, faced with the nostalgic corner of the park his Uncle would take him, his Aunt usually there as well. He thanked you fondly, touched you had remembered his off handed comment about it, about the place between the trees and flowers that held for a perfect spot.

You kissed his cheek with a smile, taking the blanket from him and placing it down, turning your attention to the basket. You took a careful of note of his favourite foods, having packed them neatly along side cold drinks and such, placing them neatly down with his help. Despite the wind that tousled his hair before you got the chance to, the day was sunny and warm, the shade under a large tree sheltering you both.

You made small talk as you ate, quickly falling into deeper conversations that made you feel like time slowed down, that filled your head with nothing but him, and his wide eyes as he spoke with such excitement and passion you couldn't help but smile. He seemed almost childlike at times, not in a negative way, but in the sweet innocence of his words, and the playful attitude he kept hidden.

As time passed you were soon sitting next to him, head on his shoulder as he read a book softly, the only sound around beyond the birds. Not that you noticed their songs much. Perhaps you weren't too interested in his book, or perhaps you were, either way just hearing his voice felt soothing, a feeling of disappointment when he reached the end and closed it. He looked up to the sky, the singular cloud drifting through gracefully.

You took the opportunity to grab your surprise, remembering his words on how much he loved bubbles as a child. You blew some at him, watching him turn with a expression that turned from amused surprise, to instant delight. His smile was wide, reaching out to one as though he could hold it in his hands, only for you to place the bottle and wand in his hands as the bubble landed and disappeared.

He blew more himself, some teasingly at you, but others surrounding you both, pausing to watch wide eyed at them. You only stared at him, at the man who suddenly seemed five years old again, finding your heart bursting with joy. His fingers brushed against yours, grabbing your hand and (gently) pulling you up with a grin.

He planned to turn the park into his own bubble kingdom, and take you with him. I'm sure you had no objects, perhaps bringing a second bottle was a good idea after all.

[polyabathtub]

it's not really the right time of year for it, but I'd pick a team to start watching next season and go from there. Or go back and watch the Panthers' playoff run from this season for a taster, I started with playoffs in 2023 and that was pretty fun.

I personally used my parents' cable subscription to watch the games that were on TNT last fall while reading fanfic at random. The national broadcasts do a good job of telling you about both teams without assuming you've been watching a lot already. I finally latched onto a team when there was a major crossover event (one of the guys I'd been reading fic about on a different team got traded to them) and watching the fallout from that got me hooked.

Teams that one might choose to follow for RPF reasons:

Pittsburgh Penguins: the OG, Sidney Crosby/Evgeni Malkin, the best hockey player/anointed chosen one and his also-very-good-at-hockey Russian. The team overall is aging and struggling to contend right now—they didn't make the playoffs last season. I'm not personally huge on them, but, like, they're the core. Crosby/Malkin had 200+ fics uploaded to AO3 in the last 12 months alone.

Philadelphia Flyers: this team is where I landed. The biggest ship on AO3 for them is probably still Travis Konecny/Nolan Patrick, but Patrick hasn't actually played in years. The trope there is something like very-good-at-hockey grumpy cat (Patrick) and the tiny energetic guy who's obsessed with him (Konecny), but Patrick's career got derailed by chronic migraines so there's also a lot of fic working through that. This team also now has certified blorbo Jamie Drysdale, previously on the Ducks, where he got shipped with Trevor Zegras. Jamie the more serious Canadian to Trevor's brash, talkative American, now tragically ripped apart by trades. There's also a lot of really good fics featuring fan favorite Joel Farabee in a variety of pairings. Middle-of-the-road team, didn't make playoffs last season but came close.

Edmonton Oilers: home of the current #1 player in the world, Connor McDavid. McDavid usually gets shipped with either Leon Draisaitl (his best bud on the team and also partner in, like, scoring a ton of goals) or Dylan Strome (his best bud on his juniors team from ages 16-18, Dylan now plays for the Capitals and the two are often Doomed by the Narrative). Oilers are very good right now, they came very close to winning last season. Draisaitl gets paired even more often with someone on the...

Florida Panthers: vast majority of the fics here are Leon Draisaitl/Matthew Tkachuk, who used to be dramatic rivals back when Tkachuk played on the Calgary Flames (don't become a Flames fan right now, they just imploded). Just won the cup! There are a ton of Scandinavians who I personally am writing fic about, ratatatastic has been posting a lot of shippy photos and gifsets lately of them that might be fun for you.

New Jersey Devils: kind of having a moment, Jack Hughes/Nico Hischier are I think the top pairing on AO3 this year? I'm not quite sure how to describe these two tropes-wise but a lot of people think they're very hot. Nico's got great dimples, idk. The team has a ton of potential but really floundered last season—they could be due for a fun comeback.

Other ones that might be fun are the Washington Capitals, though I'm not sure what active ships there are there the Boys Are Fun and there's a ton of old fics for Ovechkin/Backstrom and Wilson/Latta that are very good. I need to eat dinner but I can come back later with similar synopses for the Toronto Maple Leafs (Mitch Marner/Auston Matthews mostly), the Colorado Avalanche (...just, so many pairings, it's a gay fucking team idk), the Seattle Kraken (Vince Dunn/Adam Larsson mostly), the Vancouver Canucks (variable combos of Quinn Hughes, Brock Boeser, and Elias Pettersson among others), the Ottawa Senators (Brady Tkachuk/Tim Stützle primarily?)...honestly, wow, I am realizing that I have read so much fic. So, really, just try watching and see what jumps out at you. Honestly, I think you can read a lot of the fics without watching the game at all.

genuinely i’m like i want to get into hockey (for entirely sexual reasons) and have no idea how to start. i have literally never followed a sport in my life

[lizziestudieshistory]

Books of 2021 - September TBR: Magical Readathon edition

(AKA. Lizzie has gone mad!)

It's my last month of relative freedom before the last year of my masters begins in October, so I wanted to make the most of my time rather than just doss about on my phone for another month. As such I decided to do the Magical Readathon, hosted by G from Book Roast on Booktube, to make me read. However, because I'm a chronic overachiever, instead of picking out prompts I wanted to do I'm trying to read for all of them. Someone needs to restrain me at this point!

Anyway, here's the books:

The Novice Path Entrance: read a book with a map - Oathbringer by Brandon Sanderson

Already a bad start for a readathon... I’m getting back into the mood for high/epic fantasy and I need to finish my rereads of both these books. I’m currently in the mood for Oathbringer, mainly because I’ve been catching up with Shardcast and finishing my Words of Radiance review. However, I REALLY want to reread Rhythm of War now we’re almost a year on from its release, but I need to reread Oathbringer first.

I do want to say I might give myself a pass and say if I’ve read half of Oathbirnger I’m counting it as a success because these books are MASSIVE and I’ve got a few other tomes on this list!

Ashtorn Tree: a book that keeps tempting you (or top of your TBR) - Peter Pan by J.M. Barrie

This is where posting your tbr a week into the month gets awkward... I’ve already finished Peter Pan. However, I read this in one of my whims to read a book with Captain Hook in it, usually I veer off into a retelling but it was time to read the origninal book. I’d not read Peter Pan before, and I keep feeling the urge and surpressing it. (Should have kept doing it because the book really hasn’t aged well...!)

The Mist of Solitude: read a standalone - Vanity Fair by William Makepeace Thackeray*

Another bad choice... I’ve wanted to read this book for ages, I’d meant to start it earlier this year, and I’m buddy reading it with a friend. I need to read it now and it definitely fits this prompt. I do really love Vanity Fair as a story - both the film and miniseries are FABULOUS - so I’m excited to get into the book...it’s just 900 pages!

Much like Oathbringer I might give myself a pass if I read over half the book and say I’ve completed the prompt!

*I've left my physical copy at my Nan's like a prize idiot so I couldn't include it in the photo...

Ruin of the Skye: read a book featuring ghosts/hauted house, or other supernatural elements - The Turn of the Screw by Henry James

Oops another one I’ve already finished. This is the only ghost story I own that I haven’t read, it’s also short (thank God!) However, I really don’t like ghost stories... It showed in my reading experience.

Obsidian Falls: read a thriller or mystery - Jamaica Inn by Daphne du Maurier

This is another genre I don’t read a lot from, I’ll read the occassional mystery through dark academia or Agatha Christie but I can’t even think of a thriller I’ve read recently! However, Jamaica Inn is my book club read for September so I’ve got to read it and the quotes on the book says it’s a classic thriller

Tower of Rumination: read a five star prediction - Malice by John Gwynne

I rarely predict 5 star reads, that last book I remember picking up thinking ‘this will be a 5 star read’ was The Way of Kings, which I read 5 years ago... However, I do have high hopes for this one? Honestly, this is the book I’m most likely to switch out for something else depending on my mood later in the month.

Orilium Academy Arc: a book with a school setting - Etiquette and Espionage by Gail Carriger

I needed a book I know is going to be a quick read at this point, I also really want to revisit the Finishing School series because I read the whole series in about 4 days! I also want to have a small refresher before Carriger’s next book in the Delightfully Deadly series comes out next month, which is a sequel about one of the sidecharacters introduced in this book. It’s also a fun, fast paced, YA adventure about victorian girls at a school for spies - what more could you want?!

I’m tentatively throwing Measure for Measure by Shakespeare onto the pile because it’s left over from last month - but no promises because there’s already A LOT. I also needed to finish Emma at the start of the month, so that added on abotu 200 pages!

[retphienix]

Alright, this is gonna be tough because I desperately want to say so much for the game's sake and my own, but it's just so much.

At least the playthrough as a whole exists to show a lot of those things, and there's no shame in some of the impacts the game had for myself going unsaid :)

LONG POST INCOMING, NO 'READ MORE' BECAUSE IT'S RELEVANT TO THE POST AND NOT AN AFTER-THOUGHT

CLICK 'J' ON YOUR KEYBOARD TO SKIP. (Sorry mobile users)

8:48 - Do you have any idea how good a step forward it felt to smash the repressing bulb?

9:50 - So I'll get ahead of myself because this fight shows a lot of the visuals that play into this: Something being the manifestation of guilt for Mari is so incredibly visualized.

Between the base 'Something' being extremely close to the shadow she cast and including the one visible eye that bore down on Sunny and Basil after the hanging, to the stairs incorporating into the design.

The seaweed and spider are more general anxieties though they do circle back to Mari since she saved Sunny, but those two forms don't feel as directly related as the stairs (heights) and base 'Something' forms and what they represent for his repressed guilt.

Could be wrong ;) Tell me what you saw in the forms of 'Something' if you'd like to expand on them :)

12:39 - Just to prove the point before you get to fully see the truth- Something morphs into the figure of Mari hanging. It doesn't fully demonstrate the "eye" aspect yet, but still I just wanted to say kudos on the way 'Something' is shown visually. Formless for a reason, and that form becomes more defined as you understand what it is, exceptional damn thing.

15:43 - Basil's part in all of this makes me so damn sad. Plenty to say later (obviously), but he harbors so much guilt, wants forgiveness so much, and is so (not shown yet) desperate to believe in Sunny's innocence while knowing but not comprehending the truth. The fact he harbors his own 'Something' due to the guilt of all this is heartbreaking, these kids endured a hell no one should. Losing someone so important to you and harboring the guilt and fault of it when nothing of the sort was intended. A childish fight with raised emotions got out of hand and all this came of it.

Hell.

16:30 - I absolutely adore how the photo album is used for this reveal.

Absolutely incredible execution that's specific to this story and its characters and makes piecing (literally) this together tense and grim.

22:27 - I NEVER SPOKE TO OR INTERACTED WITH THE THING IN THE CENTER OF THIS ROOM AND I'M A NORMAL AMOUNT OF UPSET ABOUT THAT >:( lol

29:41 - Okay.

So this reveal as a whole is so unbelievably well paced and incredibly hard hitting.

All game long there's a weight of having lost Mari. Repeatedly it's told that she killed herself and no one can understand why and everyone (MYSELF THE PLAYER INCLUDED) is looking for meaning in little moments, seeking out hints that maybe she was suffering or depressed or this or that.

And while that has gone on FOR THE ENTIRE GAME there has also been this uneasy weight surrounding Sunny/Omori. Visions of Mari twisted and deformed into phantoms of horror.

For the most part I assumed it was just him coping with having lost his sister and maybe a dialogue on how when she was alive he was in her shadow (in his mind) and now that she's gone he remains there?

That was the best I could figure, more or less. But it continued to seem more and more malicious in design and MUCH more 'heavy' in how it's presented as a shadow behind Omori/Sunny throughout his adventure and life.

The weight and 'overshadowed' looks of the scenes felt more and more foreboding and less like a simpler "I'm living in her shadow" story, but I couldn't figure out what it was.

Then these pictures come out and piece things together.

The final result:

Sunny and Mari fighting. (Context appears to be his growing disdain towards playing. It's stated he loved playing, but it's also shown that he begins to dislike how much Mari is dragged away for classes and the like up to and including playing. So my read was that Sunny was upset that their fleeting time together was dedicated to the recital and broke his violin in an emotional blur and the fight occurred.

Alternatively it was accidentally broken and both of their emotions were running high as it happened)

Mari falling to her death.

Sunny and Basil carrying her upstairs and tending to her.

Sunny breaking down as it sinks in.

The visions having Basil say "It's going to be okay" by the bedside. (I perceive that as a memory of what Basil was saying as he tried to manage his emotions during the event)

Sunny and Basil carrying her back downstairs and to the backyard.

The makeshift noose.

And finally the sight that burned itself into Sunny's eyes of her hanging after it was all said and done.

Just holy shit to it all in how it's revealed and handled.

Stories have twists all the time, and I ain't gonna make some bold claim like "Most unpredictable!" "Best twist!" "What a twist!" or whatever, though that'd be funny.

I just want to say this twist worked BEFORE the reveal as a foreboding sense of unease and curiosity- it lent itself to intentionally vague and easily misconstrued explanations, basically- instead of it outright misleading you beyond the characters that believe the lie repeating the lie, it allowed you to mislead yourself.

It did the twist the right way! And well! YOU trick YOURSELF! The people repeating the lie are being lied to or have motivation to repeat the lie! The GAME isn't lying (as so many twists handle it) the game is giving the world reason to mislead and allowing you to be mislead!

Now am I yelling affirmations for the way things SHOULD ALWAYS BE! YES! BUT THAT'S BECAUSE IT'S NOT AS NORMAL AS IT SHOULD BE! lol

31:40 - All the "You will really miss them"s hurt :(

33:25 - Right out the gate, a spoiler for what isn't here:

I looked up the alternate endings of the neutral route and my heart hurts to know Sunny doesn't stick around and Basil dies :(

34:00 - BASIL BEING OVERWHELMED WITH DENIAL AND GUILT AS HE ATTEMPTS TO MENTALLY PROTECT HIS VIEW OF WHO HIS FRIEND IS BY INVENTING A SECOND PARTY THAT DID THIS IS SO FUCKING REAL AND AMAZINGLY DONE.

And it explains the name behind the 'Something'.

'Something' behind you did it. There's 'Something' behind you, isn't there.

'Something' all around us, that potentially being the truth comin' in.

When 'Something' ruined my photos, Basil repressing protecting Sunny by destroying the proof.

Just expertly done.

'Something' being repression of the memory and impending guilt. Dannnng.

36:26 - It's 24 hours after I beat the game as I type all this so here's a gag.

Here's the part where Basil beats some sense into his friend, because after this Sunny gets knocked out and wakes up 200% improved and ready to save Basil from his own guilt by releasing them both from the secret.

So basically Kel dragged us out of bed, then a couple days later Basil beats us up, and that's how Sunny gets better :^) Game Over.

38:46 - This fight made me feel utterly terrible, a highlight being the energy bar saying "Everything is going to be okay".

or at 40:17 - when Basil pokes out Sunny's eye and the screen does this? That's an underutilized but always awesome visual.

41:12 - I THOUGHT I WAS DEAD AT THIS POINT :)

Because just before entering Basil's home on this night you see his Grandma's ghost here. So seeing Sunny here told me "WELL. YOU FUCKED UP!"

42:25 - Like I said, beat some sense into Sunny.

Here's the mental side of things where Basil's beatin' told Sunny to go remember the good times and confront his inner self and I'm being partially facetious because there's plenty to say about what's coming up.

43:15 - Goosebumps every time due to the sincerity and hope of this.

43:40 - Hug for anyone needing that.

51:11 - I could cry again and I just might before this post is done being put together.

This accident was never meant to be.

55:09 - Timestamp is arbitrary, I won't go over every flashback but I do want to say what a beautiful way to use these photos. To relive the memories? To find the strength to overcome and all that? After all these years of suppressing memories? DANNNG I love this game.

1:04:09 - I stepped in poop.

1:04:15 - Barefooted.

1:04:22 - I embraced my failure.

1:12:00 - The violin.

1:13:00 - "The anxious feeling-" "They believed in you" "No matter what you didn't want to disappoint them" I'm filled with love and gonna cry about it.

1:14:00 - So an important theme in the game, as if it has just one, is Sunny suppressing emotions and demonizing himself.

Obviously the ending shows him breaking free from both but I think it's important as hell to look at how he builds up to being able to.

After all the dark moments show him as a bloodied monster, demonstrate a perceived lack of remorse for what he's done (as in he sees himself so poorly that he says "I must not have felt bad about it, I'm a monster", not that he actually doesn't feel bad about it, that he thinks he shouldn't because he's bad), have him stab dream Basil to protect his repression of the memory, the build up to breaking free from that is him remembering the good in him through the lens of his friends.

Both in the real world and in revisiting the memories within the photos.

He hears about the good in himself that he has pretended isn't there and finds the power to overcome this deadened shell he's made.

He learns how to forgive himself by finally remembering he's worthy of forgiveness and is more than his mistake, that even the person he grievously harmed would want him to forgive himself and would understand the mistake didn't define him.

1:15:15 - Just because you did something bad doesn't make you bad, to put it more eloquently than my rambles. He had to learn that.

1:19:20 - I've done this fight 4 times.

You may be wondering why 4 times, it ain't like I replayed the game a ton or anything.

The short of it is:

1) For the good ending :)

2) To see what happens if you go "up" in the hospital- it's a dead end- I assumed it'd be a bad ending. So I got the good ending again :)

3) For the bad ending.

4) FOR THE GOOD ENDING TO WIPE THE HORRIBLE FEELING IN THE PIT OF MY STOMACH AWAY FROM THE BAD ENDING :)

In doing so I did get one layer deeper on the BG of Omori in the fight, here it is:

And I learned on the fourth run that the fight is simpler than I gave it credit lol, Cherish refills your juice, so there is no reason to use Encore. You can get to the end (and deeper more easily) by just using the triple attack and Cherish and Calm down when necessary.

1:29:00 - A summary of the fight is that it's extremely impactful emotionally, but very obviously isn't a "Fun fight". It's great mechanically and story wise for what it's trying to do :)

I'll just say it here: I'm surprised there wasn't an end-game "Omori" fight, you know, in dream world? Because combat is SO good in this. I am lead to believe that the Omori route where you never go outside in the real world has more bosses and zones and would fill what I just implied I wanted- but you're also railroaded into the Neutral endings which are both sad :(

And honestly? That makes sense and I applaud the decision :) Embracing the fantasy world for more 'fights' isn't exactly the path to recovery. Also and I know someone will be bothered I say this because *I'm* bothered I'm saying this- it makes sense since a big predecessor did the same thing lol.

Undertale Genocide has new bosses and a harder end game challenge (Sans) while being the worse ending, while the good ending has a flashy and story/emotionally impactful final fight that isn't as challenging because challenge isn't the point of the morals being explored.

I just bring it up because it's interesting, has a parallel, and after fighting Omori 4 times I really REALLY wanted to do an end-game fight in Dream World.

1:30:00 - forgive me as I cry again. goosebumps and more.

OH NO~!

DRAT!

So I use a cheap video editor and I use the free format of it which limits to 720p and I didn't think twice of it.

I recorded at max, but downgraded after editing.

At 720p you can't see the detail that made me break down crying!

At 1:31:55 Sunny's eyes go wider as he sees Mari as they finally get to experience the duet in this dream state (White Egret Orchid, this is real and happening, I'm taking this to my grave :'( ) he sees her smile and that smile made me break down, but in the 720 it's blurry :(

That's on me, I could have posted the scene raw in HQ but I didn't know it'd compress just enough to be invisible :(

still. that duet scene can make me cry on command. just because of that alone, but also the entire thing.

1:33:42 - Sunny breaks from his shell and feels his emotions again.

1:37:07 - I wish every game would end with a mirror to see yourself.

The 'Despite everything, it's still you' vibe just cements all the growth and experiences that have happened as so much more real when that happens. Bonus points because mirrors in Omori are a time bomb where you can be reminded of the guilt following you- and this one is safe. This one is pure and clean. You did it.

1:37:50 - As I said earlier, going up does nothing. Dead end.

1:39:00 - I have to tell you something.

Simple ending. And yet slams me like two trucks. I'm so proud.

1:41:00 - Post credits scene.

This is so heartwarming and their smiles are the purest thing in the entire world.

1:42:50 - BAD ENDING RECORDING.

All I'll say on that is the bad ending made me feel terrible inside. Give up, live in your bubble, and subconsciously end it all so you never have to confront reality again.

My gut felt heavy to be honest.

And the fact that THAT is when Bo En Time is played is INCREDIBLE.

Having the sky shift like that gave goosebumps and cemented my dread.

Just seeing it now has me feeling very poorly.

Okay. Video done.

Now for general thoughts.

First off this White Space cycle has been going on for YEARS with Sunny only getting worse as he suppresses things more and more and the reason he found the strength to overcome is because of his friends and I'm gonna yell about it.

THE REASON SUNNY IS BREAKING FREE CAN BE DIRECTLY POINTED AT KEL THINKING "FUCK IT, I'M ABOUT TO LOSE A FRIEND, AND I DON'T WANT TO"

And I just think that is sweet as hell. The strength was inside himself, but the problem itself caused Sunny to demonize and not trust himself- he needed someone to break him free and help convince him that he's not irredeemable. And boom.

The way this game handles Denial and even gives it physical form with the 'Something's that both Sunny and Basil harbor is just awesome.

I touched on it but combat in Omori is very, very good.

I've said it here and there as I played and I feel like going at length in the finale post is pointless because this isn't a review but to put it concisely.

Types changing mid-combat, the character archetypes being so well defined, the follow up system, combat in Omori is some top notch turn based RPG stuff.

Like up there with the greats, the timeless masterpieces. This is GOOD fighting. So it was surprising the good ending didn't emphasize it- I explained why that makes sense, but even still! It'd probably be lesser for it (as explained previously) but it's interesting they practiced that restraint for the message they wanted to send.

Repeatin' that Mari's smile in the recital made me cry. Burned in my brain.

I'm still surprised I got the post credits scene because I DID water the plants a lot but when the game showed me them all dead I assumed that was the fail condition.

I genuinely do want to try the Omori route some time down the road. I hope I get around to it.

I am slightly dissuaded just because the Omori route only gets the neutral endings which are not Good To Be Blunt :(

But I want to see what dream content there is and I hear there are other bosses!

Other small bits from my notes:

Replacing denial (the black bulb) with hope (the white bulb) was good as heck.

The imagery of the 'Something' is so top notch- using the shadow of her body combined with the piercing gaze of her single eye- MY GOD.

The fragility of life being so present- between memories of near death experiences, to the way in which Mari dies, to the ease at which either Basil or Sunny can end the game. It's tense and heart-wrenching.

The way the 'Something' behind Sunny almost always shadows over him like an ever present weight.

Tearful, hopeful, pure, kids enduring a guilt metric tons heavier than their bodies could ever handle and finally, finally moving beyond it.

I said more in a personal post, and I'll reblog that.

Honestly, just timestamping through the video took it out of me and got the point across.

Omori is a wonderful game.

It's definitely a favorite for me, high up there on my list.

Between the themes, the gameplay, the humor, the ending.

This is a good one.

And now I get to end having experienced all the care and love in this title, that's such a sweet thing.

Now I know this finale post is a mess, illegible even. I have gotten sloppier as I've begun embracing just 'experiencing and rambling' and perhaps my formatting with change yet again until I find something more easily shared.

Despite that. I want to thank any who popped in on this playthrough.

This was a good one, a highlight of the blog for sure- and I'm always happy when I see some people enjoying the absolute mess I toss online when I do one of these :P

So thank you for your time, and thank you to any ridiculous enough to read my nonsense here.

Have a good one :)

And just as expected I feel I've said nothing and barely touched the surface as the post-game-head of mine does a poor job lol. Even still :P

[dreamingofmilk]

Anesthesia

Synopsis: You've been assigned to give Thor a check up after his surgery. Who would have thought anesthesia would affect him this way?

Word Count: 1486

Warnings: mild smut

"Y/N you're needed in exam room 200."

You sighed, "There goes my break." You threw away what was left of your lunch and made your way to the second floor of the stark tower, the Avengers private hospital level. 

Once you got there you grabbed the patient chart. Your manager, Kelly, was waiting outside of the room. You raised an eyebrow, "What are we dealing with here?" 

"Patient underwent surgery successfully, but is still feeling the anesthesia. He just needs a routine check." You nodded and glanced through the chart, scanning over the name and a bit of the medical information before your eyes flew back to the name. Thor Odinson was in the hospital?! You were surprised paparazzi weren't busting the door down. 

"Thor?!" You whisper yelled. 

Kelly smirked. "Why do you think I called you? You're the only one I know who won't fangirl around him. The last thing the hospital needs is a sexual harassment charge."

Joke's on you Kelly! Y/N thought. You loved Thor the most of all the Avengers. His looks obviously, but his personality even more. He was goofy and kind, and loyal to a fault. You just didn’t let your interest in him show at work. Hospitals are breeding grounds for gossip, especially amongst the other nurses, so you tried your hardest to keep your name out of anyone's mouth. This would be a dream come true. You get to not only meet your favorite 'celebrity', you get to treat him. Kelly really came through clutch! 

You shook off as much of your nerves as you could. Fan or not, you were going to make sure Thor got the best care possible, from you or anyone else that crosses this threshold. Once you’d gotten your bearings, you knocked softly on the door. All you heard was a grunt, so you opened the door and quickly realized that all of the photos and Youtube videos you’d seen of Thor didn’t do him justice.

The man was absolutely massive! The hospital bed barely contained him. His feet hung off the edge and his arms hung from the sides of the bed. He seemed to be awake, but he wasn’t quite lucid. What drugs could they have possibly used that worked on a fucking god?

You cleared your throat and greeted him. “Hello Mr. Odinson. My name is Nurse Y/N, I’ll be giving you a check to make sure everything went well with the surgery. Is that ok?”

The only answer you received was a grunt, so you moved forward slowly and put on your gloves and equipment. 

“Ok Mr. Odinson, Can you sit up for me please?”

He righted himself before you could reach out to assist him. So he must be somewhat coherent, you thought to yourself. You grabbed your blood pressure cuff and did your best to wrap it around his massive arm. It just barely made it. “There we go. You’re going to feel a bit of pressure on your arm.” 

Thor chuckled, “Which one, the one between my legs? I already feel plenty of pressure there. You’re very pretty you know. Makes things kind of hard for me, shame on you.” His speech was slurred, but you understood every word he said. You couldn’t even stop your eyes from glancing at the area in question, and the bulge there was just as massive as the rest of his body. You shuddered at the thought. How the hell could anybody take that beast?

You didn’t respond to him out loud though. There’s no way you could have a casual conversation about his dick, or the fact that it was getting hard. You'd just pretend you didn't hear him. The blood pressure cuff creaked as it tightened around his arm, no doubt straining to stay intact. You double checked that the velcro was secure and carried on with your examination.

"Blood pressure looks good. Now I need to check your heartbeat."

Thor nodded slightly. And sat up a bit straighter. You moved it to his chest, the sensor looked like a toy compared to his broad chest. His heartbeat started at a normal pace, but it gradually sped up. You were worried something was amiss until he spoke. 

Thor groaned quietly. "You smell so good." He reached out and wrapped his hand around your wrist. Suddenly his face was buried in your neck. It took everything in you not to let out the nastiest moan you had within you. You pulled back slowly as Thor moved his large arms to wrap around your waist. His eyes were glazed, but there was much more awareness there than you thought. 

"Mr. Odinson, I need you to calm down so I can get an accurate heart rate." You gulped. 

His eyes dropped from yours to your lips. You felt your body clench when he bit his bottom lip and slowly brought his eyes back to yours. No one should be able to put that much sex appeal into a look while doped up on anesthesia. This man was dangerous. 

He smiled, "How is any man supposed to be calm around you? I'm sure humans fall at your feet." 

"Definitely not happening." You looked away in embarrassment, a humorless laugh fell from your lips. 

He scoffed, "Then they are weak or stupid. I am neither. I know beauty when I see it."

You were taken aback. You knew you were attractive, but you didn't consider yourself especially beautiful. And the way he said it, so casually, like it was an accepted fact, just made it that much better. 

You couldn't look at his face, you were too flustered, but Thor wasn't having it. He lightly grabbed your chin and pulled your face up until your eyes met. His eyes were so piercing, it felt like they were slicing you open and looking at your bare soul. 

Without breaking eye contact, he leaned forward. There was only an inch of space between you and you could pick out all of the little details in his face. The flecks of green in his eyes, how unfairly long his eyelashes were, how soft his lips looked. 

He grinned, like he knew exactly where your focus was, "Y/N, when I get you alone…" He paused and let out a soft groan while shifting slightly, still quite unbalanced from the anesthesia. "We'll be so good together. I'll make you feel so good. Thunder doesn't only cause pain, sweetheart."

You couldn't fight the shiver that ran through your entire body. Thor was lowkey kinky! You were definitely trying to find out just how deep that kinkiness ran, but you had a job to do. "My only concern is your health Mr. Odinson." There we go, a safe answer.

Thor scoffed, "You forget I'm a god. I can smell you, Y/N. My health isn't your only concern. Don't worry though. As soon as I sleep this off, I'll take care of your other concern. You'll have to keep that uniform on, I quite like it." He grips your scrub clad ass tightly and thoroughly. You let out a soft whimper in response to his groping. 

He groaned as his hands squeezed your ass cheeks, "Have you ever felt every nerve ending in your body go off all at once?"

You moaned from his rough treatment, "No, that's not medically possible."

He tsked and pulled you closer. His hand moved down slightly and his middle finger brushed against your core and he sent a shock that started at your clit and radiated through your entire body. You could feel your toes curl and your scalp tingle. You quickly reached out and grabbed his biceps as your knees gave out. Thank god these rooms were soundproofed. The moan you let out was definitely loud enough to be heard through the hallway.

Your eyes flitted up to his, "What the hell was that?!"

He licked his lips and smiled. You felt your panties dampen. “You'll find out soon. The doctor says I should be released later today once the sedative has worn off. I'll take care of us then.”

Thor presses a soft kiss on your lips, so fleeting you thought you imagined it, until you felt a sharp stimulating zing on your lips. You gasped and pulled back looking at Thor in shock, the lightning blue in his eyes slowly dissipating with a huge smirk on his lips. 

A minute later he was sleeping, snoring without a care in the world. Like he didn't just promise to blow your back out. 

What the hell did you get yourself into?

You weren’t sure, but you made a mental note to ask Kelly for a day off tomorrow. You looked back at the large mass of god in the bed and bit your bottom lip, your body still tingling with remnants of thel electric shocks.  

Better make it two days. 

Taglist:

@aislinnsilver @wawakanda-btch @chaneajoyyy @marvelmaree

[lesbiancarat]

Book anon here to say today is a happy day because it is dk and vernon day ^0^ the fact they share bdays makes my heart so big like djakdnaks that's the best thing really! (I say this as I don't like celebrating my own birthday lol but that shiz makes me soft) like how can it not get better than sharing a birthday with your fellow bandmate who is also your buddy :'))

Back on topic, I am happy that in the fandoms I'm in, update blogs or accounts are well loved so no drama there but I agree on cc peeps, my gosh the decline of them is obvious for the past 2 years =/ I remember 2018 the carat fandom here was HUGE with creators and lots of notes but now...its hard to see more than 200 for some and while numbers don't matter because you should ALWAYS be doing this for fun, its so shocking to see the interaction go so low and its more likes. I do have a theory as to why this is the case and it might be due to nowadays, people on Tumblr find reblogging alot to be "too much" akaspamming. I would know because some told me I do this and I'm like ??? I am simply reblogging content I like and if it means hitting the rbelog limit so be it djajdjw. Legit idk why its seen as bad nowadays when everyone used to reblog alot and no one complained so maybe this could be why? Again a theory but it would make sense and its a shame if this is the case :c I admit I like stuff because I sometimes do reblog it for a color theme but mostly I hit the reblog limit so I want to reblog it later xD

But let's not get into people that take others work as their own -.- now I get giving credit for say icons (I do this for icons and headers I use because its the least I can do. I would link it but idk how to do it on Tumblr lol) but taking someone's say gif and just posting it on twitter to share is like ??? You do know there is a share button that SHARES THE ORIGINAL LINK BACK RIGHT? Smh i can't with people. That's why I try to make sure for icons at least I know its not a repost and try to stay away from pintrest as best as I can (also svt on pintrest? Are they making moodboards or smth? I leave Tumblr for a bit and this is what I come back to lol)

Oof I wrote too much again sjamdna I'm living up to my emoji huh? XD but yes my tooth is better! It hurt again last night but today we are good!

I'm late answering this but yeah the fact that dk and vernon share a Birthday is super sweet! it's fun that they get to do their birthday live together as well ^^

but yeah i joined carat tumblr around late 2017/early 2018 (i made this side blog during oh my era but I'd been reblogging svt stuff on main before then) and I'm p sure most if not all the cc's i originally followed are inactive now :( obviously like you said content creators should make content for fun and bc they want to and not for the notes, but it's understandably disheartening when less people are interacting with it and even the people who do still see your content are (at least seemingly) less enthusiastic about it (ie liking but not reblogging it, less ppl writing things in the tags or replies, etc.)

but that's so wild to me? I've never heard anyone say someone is reblogging too many things like... how do you expect to see posts if people don't reblog stuff?? id welcome that extra content on my dash dhfjfh. i guess you can go in specific tags but like. idk reblogging is the main function of tumblr i don't know why there are people sort of against it/not as willing to use it (i mean... i suspect at least one factor is other social media platforms relying more on algorithms and likes to show people new content and ppl are just more used to that maybe?)

i feel like to some extent people feel entitled to have every or any gif or fanart or fan content on their platform of choice, but like if an artist posts something on tumblr but not on twt or instagram it doesn't HAVE to be on twt or insta. people can make a tumblr (or whatever platform) account if that's the only place a creator is active and they really want to see their content. and if people want to share something cool to another platform it is not hard to just post a link to the original post and tell people to check it out. like i do that every once in a while if there's a translation that doesn't allow reposts, but i still want ppl to know that trans exists if they wouldn't normally. and yeah!! you're gonna get less engagement that way!! but that's when you need to question whether your intention is really to share something cool w people who wouldn't normally see it or if you just want clout from this cool thing for yourself

and obviously not everyone who reposts things wo credit or permission has such innocent intentions as "i want to share this cool thing" but i think in a lot of cases it is something similar to that where ppl see something and they want to use it or share it for whatever reason and they just forget that it's something an actual person took the time to create and chose to share it. fan creations, unless otherwise specified, are not like memes in that they're intended to be shared and edited and copied to hell and back

but yeah pinterest is the worst in terms of reposts. like very little if any of the content on there (at least that's fandom related) is original content. the vast majority is reposts from other platforms without credit. a few weeks ago i saw someone on twt post like an old SVT photo or something and someone asked where it was from and they were like 'idk i saw it on pinterest' and when i tell u my blood boiled dhfkfj like!! ok!! so you're reposting a repost and u have no idea what the original source is... great

but yeah i have no idea what SVT is gonna do with pinterest... guessing it's just gonna be pledis posting official/behind photos that they also post on twt anyway. it really looks like it's something bh made them create given other bhl artists also have pinterests they're all following each other. also pledis didn't even officially announce the new account opening anywhere as far as I've seen so like. i think they really don't care dhfkfj

i really don't know what bh thinks they're gonna gain though like. ik there are active fandom pinterest users but i think most of them also have other social media like twt or insta. like they're not cracking open a huge new market, and LITERALLY NO ONE expects any musician or celeb to have an official Pinterest so. it's just so unnecessary dhfkgj

I'm glad your tooth is feeling better!!!