#abandonment issues? fear of being alone? hating yourself?

[i-miss-lotor]

Ngl, I don't understand guys who jump from one relationship to another. Like they didn't even break up with the first girl, they already know it's doomed and looking for another before ending it, securing that they will have a new relationship to enter. Why is that.

[tenjikyu]

𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘢𝘯𝘰𝘪𝘥 - 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘴𝘦 𝘢𝘵𝘭𝘢𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘤

౨ৎ ⋆｡˚ gn!reader , reader is biologically related to izana , reader is 15 years old , reader has a family complex (wants to make the perfect family) kakucho is aged up to nineteen in this (i REFUSE to believe he’s fourteen, and he is NOT aged up for sexual reasons, only for peace of mind.)

౨ৎ ⋆｡˚ SPOILERS FOR TOKYO REV - S3 - TENJUKU ARC

❤︎ at the ripe old age of 15, you had already become one of the most respected members of one of the most dangerous gangs around.

❤︎ not only were you insane with your fists, you were a master with using weapons such as bats and longer tools, effectively making them extensions of your own body. there’s only one person you have to thank for all of your insane talent and agility.

❤︎ your big brother, izana kurokawa.

❤︎ while izana is more agile and quick with kicks and hits, easily outdoing his brother manjiro sano, he utilised his knowledge and whacked it into your skull at a young age, intent on having you able to defend yourself should you need it.

❤︎ growing up in the orphanage wasn’t easy, but your big brother and his servant (who you deemed your 2nd big brother, much to the distaste of izana, but he got over it eventually) made it a smidge easier.

❤︎ eventually, a man by the name of shinichiro sano came into your lives, claiming to be your big brother. at this stage, izana was 8, kakucho was 9 and you were 5 years old.

❤︎ of course, izana instantly attached himself to shinichiro, seemingly getting the big brother he had always craved.

❤︎ you also liked shinichiro, you went on walks with the two constantly and he spoke to you about the two of yours half little sister, emma.

❤︎ this went on until izana was 14, when he found out that shinichiro had been lying this entire time. that’s the day that you lost a few of your screws.

❤︎ the betrayal you felt was not that of izana’s, but the pure heartbreak of seeing your brother loose the thing he craved in life so much. from that day forward, your 10 year old mind was made up.

❤︎ if you couldn’t have blood family, you would simply build your own.

❤︎ and when izana formed tenjuku, you seemed all of the members, old and new, out like a dog.

❤︎ you examined every delinquent around you, pondering how good of a brother they would make, big or small.

❤︎ the entirety of tenjuku knew to never question you. not when you came back with blood mixed in your hair, not when you came back smelling of tequila, not when you came back sobbing and begging for your big brother, knocking anybody else out who tried to console you.

❤︎ izana’s word was law and by extension yours was too. izana rarely left you alone and whenever you had to run an errand without him, if you didn’t have kakucho to follow you around then he would throw a huge fit, screaming about how you’re going away.

❤︎ you hated seeing your big brother in such a horrid state, and with issues of abandonment of your own, you also hated not being by his side. the both of you shared everything, and any moment spent apart felt like agony and fear.

❤︎ of course, izana did give you freedom, he’s not fully whack after all, his allowance of you leaving his side is very.. selective.

❤︎ the 4 most trusted with you are as followed:

❤︎ kakucho, your 2nd big brother and his most loyal follower. if anything where to happen to izana then you’d be left in kakucho’s care.

❤︎ 2nd is kokonoi. while he may be relatively new and was brought here by force, he can see the treasurers mind slowly fork into how he had wanted it, therefore making him loyal, not to mention the two of you are the same age and get along quite well.

❤︎ shared third and fourth place are the haitani brothers. they’re fellow siblings who share overprotective tendencies and also work side by side, so he trusts them enough if the previous two aren’t available. you also get along well enough with ran, and pretty well with rindou.

❤︎ when izana eventually forms a plan to kill emma sano, your originally believed-to-be little sister, it was your word that saved her life. you told izana that you didn’t want her to die, how you wanted to keep her for the family you were trying oh-so-hard to build for him. it only took a few words and some teary eyes before the plan was completely discarded without negotiations.

❤︎ izana could never bring you to tears, and today was not going to be the day he broke that promise to himself. kisaki was pissed at you, however he knew he couldn’t do a thing about it. and so, he kept quiet…

❤︎ until he found the perfect time to strike back.

❤︎ the battle of tenjuku vs toman was lead by manjiro sano, as he wasn’t mourning his sister. he was more concerned, however you assured izana that victory would still come to the both of you.

❤︎ you had izana, and izana had you.

❤︎ that’s all that mattered once izana finally met with mikey.

❤︎ the face off between the two brothers, manjiro sano and izana kurokawa was in full swing. instead of mourning and loss, manjiro had determination in his eyes. he vowed to himself that he would bring his two lost siblings back home with him.

❤︎ fighting commenced, arguments broke out, there was nothing but yelling and screaming.

❤︎ as the punches and kicks continued to fly, the two boys gave eachother the appearance of death. they were sore, bloody and you wanted nothing more than to support your big brother, however you stayed up high, doing as izana commanded.

❤︎ it was only when izana broke the ice to mikey, giving him an opening, that you finally had your presence known.

“IZANA DON’T DO IT” your screeches were held by the entire battlefield. you were dressed in a long black hoodie (yk the one senju wears? yeah one like that) and had your legs poking out of it, designed in mind of your safety and concealment.

you raced down towards the brothers, affectingly blocking the two off from eachother.

“big brother, let’s hear him out”. you whisper, afraid of what izana might consider this as. would he see you as a betrayal? would he disown you? would he throw a fit and strike you?

no, izana put his hands down. he walked over gently towards you, and held you in his arms.

he heard out mikey, listening to his speech on how despite their lack of blood, the fact is shinichiro decided to take him in and therefore are family.

❤︎ because of you, i firmly believe that izana would not be as batshit as he canonically is. i think his brotherly instincts would kick in and his sanity is stronger then it originally was. because of this, izana is more open to welcoming manjiro into his heart. in his head he thinks that maybe, just maybe…

❤︎ taking his frustrations with shinichiro out on mikey isn’t the right course of action.

❤︎ and as that thought is processed through his head, the sound of a gunshot can be heard ricocheting through the hair.

❤︎ it strikes not izana, not manjiro, not you…

.

. .

❤︎ it strikes kakucho right between his ribs.(please someone get this reference)

❤︎ yours and izana’s horrified screeches are heard throughout the entire arena. tears were welling up into your eyes as you hid yourself into izana more.

“KAKUCHO NO!” izana’s throat hoarsed out from all of the screaming, holding onto his servant brother tightly, cradling him in his arms.”

you feel your own body being grasped, however it wasn’t izana. no, mikey held you into his chest and silently cried, looking at kisaki with a glare so sharp it could cut him clean.

just when mikey thought he had finally completed his mission, kisaki once more ruined EVERYTHING.

kisaki goes onto his speech about how nothing goes his way, and how takemichi was a repetitive flaw in his plans and was nothing but a nuisance. he finished the speech by saying this:

“(y/n), you’ve been a nuisance since the beginning. if it wasn’t for you, emma would be dead and manjiro sano would’ve been MINE to mold, my perfect manjiro. i refuse to acce-“

before he’s swiftly knocked in the head by an oh-so farmilliar baton.

“the day we allow you to lay a finger on that kid is the day we’re dead”. ran scorched, his eyes burning with hatred. like that, the higher ups of tenjuku, as well as takemichi and draken, chased kisaki into the streets, where his life would soon cease to exist.

you stay with your two brothers, cradling kakucho as the life left his eyes. you always loved kakucho’s eyes, you thought they were the most mesmerising thing to look at. they were the eyes of your big brother, the one who swore to bash in anyone who dared wrong you.

as kakucho’s last breath was taken, he held your hand on one, with izana’s hand in the other.

only then, could you finally register the return of the tenjuku members, as well as the sound of the police force and an ambulance on the way.

dragging you away from kakucho’s deceased corpse was one of the hardest things izana had ever done, but with the help of his new little brother, mikey was safely able to relocate the two of you back at the sano household.

❤︎ the funeral was 4 days after his body was found, and his ashes were buried into the grave of the sano’s. mikey himself insisted that your family was his, and since he had no remaining family to claim his ashes, he would take them into their family grave.

❤︎ that was the moment izana accepted mikey as his little brother.

❤︎ after kakucho’s passing, it took a long time for things to get back to normal. emma welcomed the two of you in with open arms, missing the two of you dearly. she sobbed for three hours straight before she knocked herself out, promptly put into her bed by you.

❤︎ it turns out, the two of you fit in with your siblings quite well! since emma didn’t die in this timeline, mikey is still as joyful as he was before the battle. he would tease you and izana, surprise hug you and beg izana to go riding with him.

❤︎ emma loved having her two brothers back as well, she loves practising different makeup styles on your face, as well as teaching izana how to cook!

❤︎ kokonoi and inui had also rekindled their friendship, and welcomed you with open arms! nowadays, the three of you are a (WORKING) trio, as well as making friends with many different members of toman.

❤︎ izana also made peace with toman, and was welcomed with open arms. he is often seen with chifuyu reading manga together! (you tease him for it but love how he’s found a passion, as well as a buddy to share it with.) (chifuyu also called izana “brother” once and izana burst into tears bc he thought it was adorable. chifuyu is now promptly invited to the sano/kurokawa dinners)

❤︎ of course, the two of you are still rarely apart. you shared a bedroom for the first month of living with your family before finally moving into a bedroom of your own.

❤︎ on izana’s 19th birthday, a year after joining with the sano’s, you gifted him a baby picture of the three of you at the orphanage you had managed to dig up. he didn’t let you go for the rest of his birthday.

❤︎ you visit kakucho at least once a week with your brothers and sister, as well as bringing snacks and insence to light. these moments are your favourite, as they aren’t spent in mourning.

❤︎ they’re spent with your entire family, laughing, chatting and updating kakucho on big news.

❤︎ time spent with YOUR found family ♡.

[redshoes-blues]

I love seeing other people’s interpretations of 73 Yards. It’s about the fear of abandonment. It’s about being queer. It’s about growing old. It’s about having mommy issues.

To me? It’s about the deep-seeded fear that your intrusive thoughts are true. That, deep down, there is something awful about you. That if everyone who claims to love and care about you found out what went on in your head, they’d hate you as much as you hate yourself for having those thoughts. And in the end, you know what? When we see those fears manifest in Ruby’s life, we’re shown that she’s still never alone. Not even when everyone she cares about leaves her. She’s never alone because she has herself. And it’s not worth it to fear that side of herself, because it’s always with her, following her wherever she goes. For better or for worse, she’s stuck with that fear, so instead of shunning that side of herself—something that only makes her feel worse—she decides to be there for herself. Because, at the end of the day, you’re the only person who will always be there for yourself. You’re stuck with yourself. So why not treat that person, even with all the things you hate about yourself, especially with those aspects in mind, with a bit of kindness and understanding?

[rollinouttahere-writes]

The Searing Pain part 2 ad Merfolk AU part 2 WAS FIRE🔥. Especially the emotions in Searing Pain, I swear I felt my heart ache when Luffy cried there.

About the request , It's more about the Merfolk AU but feel to make it with regular Strawhats pirates!

So , what if the Merfolk AU Strawhats meet Y/n who lives alone in the island and actually doesn't mind them hanging around as long as they won't bother them. Y/n don't hate them or scared of them but doesn't like them.

Happy birthday @emtynessinmyworld ! I hope you like this! Sorry if it feels rushed, but I wanted to get it done in time for your b-day!

What's the harm?

Yandere Merfolk Straw Hats x GN!Reader

2.1k words

“They’re back again,” you muttered while peering out the window. 

The “they” in question was some pod of merfolk that have decided to make your island their favorite hangout. It started with them stopping here to get some fruit off of the trees near the shore. You didn’t particularly care that they were here. There was more than enough fruit to go around, so you decided to just leave them be.

However, they were not content to leave you be.

Once they realized that you weren’t going to chase them off, they became enamored with you. It makes sense, you suppose. When the usual reaction they get from humans is either a fearful or violent one, it’s understandable that they might become fond of someone who was simply indifferent to them. If they want to chill here where they won’t be harassed by humans, then you’ll let them.

You just wish they would stop trying to bother you. When you chose to make a small abandoned island your home, it wasn’t because you were dying for social interaction. Quite the opposite. All you wanted was to be left alone, and for years you were. Now? You were lucky to go more than a week without seeing those people.

Taking a deep breath, you mentally prepare for what’s to come. There were lots of things for you to do today. A storm passed through last night and took a heavy toll on your roof, so you’ll need to patch that up. Your garden probably also isn’t faring too well. Fortunately, you were able to drag the potted plants inside, but everything in the ground is probably dead. You need to do some fishing too, but you’ll wait until they leave to do that. Being that close to the water when they’re here is a hassle. 

Steeling yourself, you push open the door and slip outside as quietly as possible. These efforts were all in vain, as it seems they were waiting for you.

There’s a call of your name behind you. A look over your shoulder revealed it to be who you assume is their leader, Luffy. The bull shark merman flashed you a wide, sharp toothed smile and waved frantically at you. 

You had to fight the urge to go back inside, he was the worst offender out of them all. This guy genuinely did not seem to understand the concept of personal space. He also didn’t know how to stop talking, much to your chagrin. There’s also the issue of him being able to go into freshwater, something you learned about him while trying to fetch some drinking water from a river flowing through the island. Not only did he scare the hell out of you with his sudden appearance, he also launched himself out of the water to tackle you in a hug. You don’t like hugs at the best of times, but you especially don’t like them when they result in your water being spilled and getting soaking wet.

“Hey! Do you wanna come swim with us?!” Luffy shouted.

He asks that every time that they’re here, regardless of the fact that you’ve refused every single time. Apparently he wasn’t getting the hint.

“No, Luffy. I’m busy and have lots to do today, I don’t have time for that,” you answered. Not giving him a chance to ask more questions, you sped off towards your garden, praying that no one tries to follow you. You’ve had to drag Luffy back into the water on multiple occasions when he attempted to come after you and got too dried out from being out of the water. Much to your dismay, he took this as a sign of friendship and not just basic human decency.

As expected, the garden was in ruins. Your heart sank at the unfortunate sight. After removing all the debris thrown onto it by the storm, you saw that nothing had survived. Everything was ripped up and destroyed. You felt sick to your stomach knowing how dangerous it was to lose this many crops. It was early enough into the season that you could replant it and still harvest them in time before winter, but that would require you going back to the mainland for more seeds.

You hated having to go back and be around so many people, but it had to be done. Maybe you could set sail tomorrow? If the merfolk were gone by then, of course. You don’t want them following you for the entire two day journey.

Since the garden is done for, looks like you’ll be doing some foraging today. After the roof repairs. Those definitely take precedent here. Sighing, you turn and make your way back to your home. It’ll probably take most of the day to finish it based on how bad it was leaking last night. Your home was within eyesight of the shore, which meant that the merfolk were going to be trying to talk to you the whole time. How annoying.

As you get closer, you’re confused to hear what sounds like hammering. Where is that noise coming from? Picking up the pace, you hurry to the source and see that it’s coming from your house. Looking up, you see the colorful form of Franky crawling over what once was your roof and hammering on new planks of wood. Beside your home was a pile of discarded roofing tiles and wood.

All you can do is gawk at him while your brain tries to process what he’s doing. The large mantis shrimp notices your presence and stops what he’s doing to wave at you, “Oh hey! I saw that your roof was all messed up so I thought I’d fix it for you! At first I was just going to retile it, but then I saw that the rafters were damaged too, so I’m rebuilding all of it. Don’t worry, I’ll have this finished before it’s night.”

With that said, he went back to work. You didn’t know what to do or say about this. Given that your entire roof was now ripped off, you didn’t exactly want to tell him to stop. As much as you don’t want him to be doing this, it felt too late to keep him from it now. You’ll just have to let it go. Also where in the same hell did he get lumber and roofing tiles from? You doubt you’ll ever know.

Hazarding a glance to the shore, you can see the rest of them relaxing. Nami is currently laying on the shore and sunbathing with Robin reading a book next to her. Luffy is dangling from a tree hanging over the ocean trying to grab some fruit from the higher branches while Usopp and Chopper egg him on. 

Oh good, he’s occupied and hasn’t noticed you. Grabbing a basket from outside your house, you run into the forested area of the island to forage. You’re hoping that if you stay out long enough that they’ll be gone by the time you get back. You’ll need to gather at least enough food to last you on your voyage to get seeds.

Lucky for you, the food on this island was plentiful. Between you being the only person on the island and the minimal animal life, there were plenty of fruits and root vegetables to choose from. You could hunt for birds too, but usually you got your protein from fish.

The foraging was going well, but the heat was starting to get to you. Today was not only hot, but also humid and you felt like you were suffocating. Sweat was pouring down your back as you pulled yourself up the tree to grab some fruit. You wanted it to be a little under ripe so that it would ripen up during your journey. Your basket was hung up on a lower branch for you to drop your findings into.

After dropping the last of the fruit you found into it, you slumped against the trunk of the tree. You wanted to do more foraging, but this heat was becoming too much for you. All of the sweating had made you dehydrated, too. If you don’t head back soon you’ll be putting yourself at risk of a heat stroke. 

Nodding to yourself, you climb down and grab the fruit basket. It’s full enough that you’re content to call it a day. You can only hope that the merfolk have left by now, but at this point you don’t care. You just want to drink something.

Your house comes into view and you’re pleasantly surprised to see the roof is finished and Franky is nowhere to be seen. Despite your annoyance at him inviting himself to work on it without your permission, you have to admit that his handiwork is impeccable. The roof looks noticeably nicer than the rest of the house, and there is a large blue star painted onto the front of it.

Where he got the paint from is beyond you. Probably from wherever he pulled the lumber out of if you had to guess.

Before you could go inside to get something to drink, someone calls for you. Your head hangs and you groan. You’re in no mood to deal with any of them right now. Why must they insist on bothering you again?

Looking to where the voice came from, you see Sanji pulling himself across the sand with one hand while holding a coconut in the other. Admittedly, you’re impressed at how well he’s able to do that. As he pulls himself closer, you see that the coconut is open on the top. 

“I’ve been looking for you! I made everyone some drinks and wanted to give you one too!” Sanji thrust the coconut towards you and watched expectantly.

Setting down your basket, you hesitantly eye up the drink. It looks like a mixture of various fruit juices mixed together in the coconut. Normally, you would never even consider taking anything from these people, and have turned down food from them on multiple occasions.

Right now, though? That looked like the most refreshing thing in the world and your throat was screaming for something to drink. It couldn’t hurt to accept it just this one time, right? What’s the worst that can happen?

Reaching out, you take it from Sanji’s hand, “Thank you, this looks really good.”

Sanji beams at you while you take your first sip. It’s delicious, and the one sip turns into you gulping down the rest of it in a matter of seconds. The tropical fruity drink felt like heaven going down your parched throat. 

Sanji is still laying in the sand by your feet. His chin is propped up on his hands and he’s smiling at you while his long tail swishes behind him. Oh, he must be waiting to hear your opinion on it. It would be rude to ignore him after accepting the offering. “That was really good, thanks for that,” you answered simply.

“Do you want more? I made plenty! If you come with me to the shore I’ll refill it for you,” his hopeful smile almost made you cave, but no. You couldn’t give them an inch because you know they’ll take a mile if you do.

“That’s alright, I’ve got to get some things done around the house. Thanks, though,” you tried your best to let him down gently. 

Instantly, his whole demeanor drooped, but he didn’t move to leave. Maybe he was hoping to make you sway if he looked at you with his kicked puppy face long enough. Guess that means you’ll have to leave first. Fine by you.

You spin on your heel to do just that, but stumble. That’s weird. All you did was turn around but you’re so dizzy that you’d think that you just spun in circles for a minute straight. Your vision started to blur as a horrifying realization dawned on you. 

He drugged your drink, and you fell for it hook, line, and sinker. 

In a last ditch effort to get away, you attempt to get into your home and lock the door. This amounts to nothing because you collapse after the first step. Your fingers dig into the sand uselessly, your arms didn’t have the strength to pull you forward. You weren’t even that far from the door, it was just barely out of reach. What a cruel joke.

Vaguely, you can hear motion behind you and feel someone pulling on your ankle. You can make out several voices, but your mind is too hazy to put any names to them. Boisterous laughter is the last thing you hear before everything fades to black.

Apparently, this was the worst thing that could happen.

[dominophile]

💙🍃Branch Dating Headcanons🍃💙

Character: Branch

Warnings: small talk of abandonment issues, nothing major

Nsfw?: none

This is for a friend. The reason I ever actually got into Trolls was because she told me all about how hot Branch was.

I also very much want to headcanon this guy I have so many thoughts.

Note: My headcanons will always include my species headcanons too, which includes but isn't limited to different types of tails, claws, hair, etc.

Now for the man of the hour, Branch!

Branch is the perfect man

I mean kind of

From the first day you started dating, this man has been super protective of you

He doesn't want anything bad to happen to you, even if you're definitely safe already, this guy is taking zero chances

Probably at some point tried to keep you in his bunker for "precautionary reasons"

Look it's the thought that counts, he loves you

Now let's not forget the abandonment issues

He's got a genuine fear that people he loves will all leave him, one way or another

Reassure him you're not going anywhere, please, he needs it

You don't have to be with him 24/7 of course

He understands more than anyone the need to be alone or do your own thing, trust me

If you want to hang out with other Trolls, I doubt he would mind

He doesn't like groups much, but he might appreciate the sentiment of you inviting him regardless

Say "I love you"

You might just have to he the first to do so

He loves you so fucking much, but "What if that scares them away??"

Just tell him how much you love him every so often, it helps

On a similar note, communicate!

Communicate how you feel, and encourage him to do the same

Keeping secrets and emotions from him could easily come back to bite you

Even if you don't have bad intentions, he might assume you do

It's not that he doesn't trust you, he just assumes the worst sometimes

That said, he's not sure how to share his own emotions sometimes either

This guy has spent a long time avoiding every other living being and doesn't often understand the difference between talking to himself, and talking to you

Social cues too, don't assume he knows what you're feeling, because as much as he tries with you all his new friends, he still gets it wrong a lot

Work with him, you'll get there

Branch enjoys spending time with you, but he's wary about physical touch

Ever met someone who hates being touched but is also touched starved? That's Branch!

If he wants physical affection or something of the sort, he'll come to you

You can also ask him. He loves and cares about you and even if it's not his favorite, if it makes you happy he'll allow it

He will absolutely protectively wrap his tail around you though if you guys are sitting next to each other

Who cares if you're all alone? Feel safe damn it

You're the only person who can do that, he knows you won't hurt him

If you also dislike physical affection, you two can just vibe in each other's company

Branch overworks himself sometimes, and normally would fight through exhaustion, but if you're around, he wouldn't mind a quick nap

You'll watch his back won't you?

He wouldn't mind if you fell asleep with him too

All in all though, he's a good boyfriend

He's thoughtful

He's caring

He's protective

And he really really loves you so much

He thinks you make him a better person

Like he was incomplete before you came around

"Meeting you was like finding the last missing piece of a puzzle."

Man that's cheesy. But sweet.

Oh maybe that was just a set up to get you to do a puzzle with him

Eh still sweet

I also think he would appreciate if you made him coffee in the mornings sometimes

If you're a coffee person, have some too!

Tea person? Or anything else? He'll stock up on what you like once he realizes you like it

He sleeps in late sometimes though, if you're a morning person you're fending for yourself with drinks

Other Trolls are happy seeing you with him during the day also

Especially Poppy

"So happy to see you branching out!!"

Bunker Bucket List: Learn to love again

Check ✅

[least-carpet]

Pursued by lesser ghosts 😭😭😭😭 are they gonna figure it out. Let JC in there

Hello, anon! Perhaps I will also link Pursued by Lesser Ghosts for context, since it took me so long to answer this ask. (You do need an AO3 account to read it.) It's wangxian with left zhanchengxian. Left in the sense that both chengxian and zhancheng had previously occurred, and they have left Jiang Cheng behind! (Sorry, I couldn't resist.)

In my heart, they figure it out, but I’m never going to write that because they are all in WILDLY different places and that would take... so long. This is partly what makes it interesting to rotate to me, because I think it’s a situation where the way any of the people involved would describe the facts in a relatively similar and nonchalant way, but their intellectual frameworks for the facts and emotional experience of the facts are so wildly disconnected that getting all three on the same page would be, uh, challenging. Rough character notes below.

Wei Wuxian:

Feels like JC should be mad at him, since he projects guilt about JYL already on to JC. additionally hates JFM’s treatment of JC but in total denial about both what the treatment means and how he feels about it. LWJ’s rejection and replacement of JC with WWX is going to trigger all of that BECAUSE it brings WWX's past understanding of JC into conflict with his current understanding of JC.

In the past, WWX’s JC feelings were positive; therefore any negative treatment by JFM had to be denied (and also Fixed by WWX).

WWX’s JC feelings are now negative, partly because of the projection and self-blame, and partly because of ongoing resentment about the core transfer (VERY traumatic plus the feeling like that degree of devotion and sacrifice was not reciprocated).

The emotional experience of REPLACING JC AGAIN is an experience that belongs to WWX’s childhood self, who loved JC and was extremely possessive and protective of him (the JZX beatdown was triggered finally by the insult about JC).

Also triggers memories of childhood > adulthood intimacies (some degree of sexual contact as teenagers that both of them “forgot about”).

WWX also terminally unable to leave shit alone, and now there’s a mystery about HIS HUSBAND and HIS SHIDI.

LWJ is just like “oh we had sex sometimes” but JC is a prude who doesn’t do that and only lets WWX touch him??? This is not a sufficient answer for WWX??? [meltdown]

CONFLICT CONFLICT CONFLICT KABOOM

Jiang Cheng:

I mean, Mr. Abandonment and Betrayal Issues got some feedback about what had happened, and that feedback was “it was duty, I never loved you like you loved me, let me go” (WWX) PLUS “now that the person who is better than you, who I really love, is here, I will replace you with him and never look back because you are Bad” (LWJ).

On one hand, closure! On the other hand, what if every childhood belief and fear about yourself all came true at once? Wouldn't that be fun? (I mean, the ones which had not already happened and left most of your family dead.)

Like he worked so hard to be good for love (root of childhood issues -> “if I am very good maybe dad will love me eventually and mom will finally be happy”) and this functions as proof that it has NEVER culminated in that love being returned.

I also don’t know how much he was aware of LWJ’s fixation on WWX before/during the time they were sleeping together. how blindsided he feels would change depending on that.

Also will blame himself for it (see childhood coping mechanisms… so abandonment by LWJ is “his fault” because he “should have expected it”).

He is. He is not doing so good. Genuinely bad to contemplate and I don’t know how you fix that, like, degree of damage.

He also Never Gives Up and JL is still alive so he’s not going to kill himself but like. it ain’t good.

Lan Wangji:

To me, this is the chewiest problem. Because he has these rigid categories of “good” and “bad” but is also missing a lot of information about what happened between JC and WWX (such as the fake fight/removal from the sect), he's made up his mind but it's based on incomplete information.

Also like, he's not particularly empathetic (so questions like “how would you feel if someone you unconditionally trusted accidentally killed your beloved sibling?” are ones he has perhaps never contemplated?)

IMO this intersects in a pretty ugly way with his canon sadism during the period he has a sexual relationship with JC. I would have to make some decisions about how bad that was, but I don’t think it’s good. I think JC goes along with it partly as a form of self-harm and partly because JC is under a lot of stress, touch-starved, and is genuinely pretty submissive in bed? But has no standards about it (healthy!) and doesn't know how to protect himself.

Initially this is fine to LWJ because it “doesn’t count” and “JC is bad” so LWJ doesn’t have to feel bad about how he treats JC.

But if it was a multi-year intermittent thing, I think that might change? Because I don’t think LWJ is actually that cruel, just inflexible and not great at people.

So they hook up semi-often and LWJ perceives JC worrying about JL, about YMJ, and to some degree about him (offers him salve for his scars, inquires semi-rudely about family, feeds him thoughtful vegetarian foods when around each other) and they get comfortable and sometimes they spend the night together and LWJ gets a lot less mean but not any better at talking…

But even as their behaviours change, LWJ’s mental model doesn’t, so when WWX returns, he just, like, ditches JC without any discussion whatsoever.

And he gets everything he thought he wanted!! And he’s happy about a lot of it but feels Weird in a way that he can’t articulate or explain.

So to get him to the throuple, his whole understanding of what they were doing with each other and what JC’s behaviour signified would have to change. On the other hand, he is now married to the nosiest and most determined man in the world and that man is going to ask him a LOT of questions.

He just has SO far to go. I think both WWX and JC at least understand that a loss happened, but LWJ hasn’t worked that out yet. He's feeling it, but hasn't been able to articulate it to himself because of how it conflicts with his beliefs.

So getting them all to kiss would be really hard work. I think they do, though!

[0ynes]

How about you go fuck yourself, Dragon?

Watching Luffy from afar is not beating the allegations. Especially when Dragon was only worried about HIMSELF getting killed. I need more than this to excuse hearing baby Luffy say "being lonely is more painful than getting hurt."

Like ok great he checked on Luffy every now and then, but Luffy still has abandonment issues and hates to be alone and fears that the most, so thanks for that, Dragon.

[your-queer-dad]

Hey Queer dad, I only just found this blog, but I'm writing you anyway, I Don't want to be anonymous, I want my name attached to my story I fear that I'm probably going to explain myself poorly but here goes anyway I am going to be 24 years old this May, I've been on E since 10 - 2020 Ive had to move out to live with my boyfriend of 3 years and it feels like I've all but abandoned my dreams of going through college as an engineer, things were hard to keep up with when covid struck and now I'm a trans-woman living in Georgia USA, I understand that its not as good as my home-state of New York on trans issues, but I have my BF and his Family who are supportive... I'm SCARED as of late sure I live in a fairly chill part of the state, but i'm SCARED like big time, its making my mental health journey harder, and I'm finding a lot of VERY bad thoughts creeping in, mostly about my appearance and all that, I don't look all that fem when i have trouble taking care of my day-to-day hygiene,

My dad is ""Supportive"" as far as accepting the fact that I'm his daughter now, but he and most of my extended family still doesn't use my pronouns or chosen name. My mom, well she left this world, and me alone in it, sure she was never the best to me, but she would have been the one person to support me. When she left I promised myself and her that I would take the little support I spit on and ground into the dirt as a teenager and actually be true to myself.

I know that at this point I am rambling, but I want to put meaning and journey behind my words THANK YOU, for being here for us. THANK YOU for providing a space for us to ask questions, and get parental style advice when we have no-one else and I ask of you this, how does one find community in this world when one struggles to navigate the fear she feels from the world around her?

Hi!! Thank you so much for reaching out. Honestly, it sounds like you've had such a rough time and I am really proud of you. Thank you for sharing your story, I appreciate it, and I'll do my best to help out.

Personal story time: I myself was (and still am sometimes) in a very similar situation myself. And it is scary, it's really isolating to see so much hate from others just for being yourself, and it makes you want to withdraw and hide. And I hid, for so long- it's really hard to show your true self in a world so full of hate and fear.

But I did, slowly, step by step. A little bit every day. Us humans, we're not supposed to be on our own. We're pack animals, like wolves or lions, we thrive off other people's company (some more than others). With mental health, when all you want to do is hide and let the world forget that you exist, what helps you the most is finding others who feel like it and can help.

Easier said than done right?

I'm still working on it, and there's never going to be a stage where you're perfect at it- but every day, just actively trying to engage with others around you, I found helped me. Not running away when people offer help, speaking to new people, finding my local queer community- just actively being aware of my surroundings and gently pushing myself to talk to new people.

The worlds a lot less scary when you have an army of support behind you.

It takes time, and energy. It's hard. And definitely baby steps, small steps. But there are so many good people out there, who will love you and accept you and value you, you just have to find them.

I'm really proud of you, I'm always here if you need someone to talk to and feel free to reach out anytime. Everything will be okay.

- dad x

[yanderes-galore]

I know that tomorrow’s the 17th and that the time period for requests is later in the west, but I had to request it know knowing JoJo’s on the list! Where there is fanfics, I’ll be there. When headcannons are afoot, I will be there!

Anyways, sorry for the ramble on my current hyperfixations. Prompts 3 and 10 for Narancia.

Sure! Sorry this took so long, I was struggling- Hope this works for you... I appreciate feedback!

Yandere! Narancia Prompts 3 + 10

"You'll love me, even if we have to sit and wait for it to happen."

"I've given myself all to you! Yet you call me a monster!"

Pairing: Romantic

Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Obsession, Violence, Implied attempted murder/Murder, Manipulation, Clingy behavior, Possessive behavior, Stalking, Overprotective behavior, Fear of abandonment, Angst, Delusional behavior, Forced relationship.

You remember when you first met Narancia. Part of you wishes you could go back to those simpler times. Maybe then you'd be a lot less... stressed.

When you met Narancia you did petty theft. You lived with a relative of yours and you grew up rather poor. You still went to school most of the time... but you barely had enough money to eat.

That's when you met Narancia... a friend who also seemed to be in a bad spot. He felt that the best thing in life and survival is friendship... it's no wonder he befriended you. Friends help each other.

You two became close. Narancia helped you steal to get money and even knew your relative. You two might even be partners in crime.

Then disaster hit.

Your relative was caught and sent to jail. Narancia was set up and also went to jail. Now... now you were all alone with a dwindling food supply.

Soon you dropped out of school. You yourself ended up thriving on the streets. This was your life for years as you grew up.

Soon you yourself ended up signing up for Passione. You needed a job, you needed money, you needed somewhere to go. You were tired of being some sort of street rat.

By some means you pass Polpo's test and gain yourself a stand. This leads you into Passione... where you end up meeting an old friend.

Truthfully you both never thought you'd see each other again...

Maybe it was best you didn't?

Narancia was ecstatic when he saw you again. The other members of Bucciarati's gang were surprised when Narancia leaped onto you with childish joy. You yourself even froze for a moment.

There he was... once again... your friend. You can't help but sadly smile as you hug him back. It was after this you were introduced to the gang.

From there you thought things were rather normal. Narancia hovered around you but that was expected when you catch up. You two talked a lot and the gang noticed Narancia got less angry at times.

Especially during studying with Fugo... his temper goes down to a simmer when you're around eagerly listening to the lesson.

The gang became your family along with Narancia. For a long time you feel happy. There's always moments between the members, both good and bad, but you love it.

Well... loved it... things got strange with Narancia after awhile.

Narancia got more and more clingy with you. At first you assumed it was just him being protective. After all... now he knows how easy it is to lose you.

But now he clings to you as though you'll abandon him. Instead of being calm his aggression spikes when you speak with others. It scares you how fast he pulls his blade on people around you now.

It's as though he's scared they'll take you.

The way Narancia looks at you is so different now. His eyes don't hold that same friendship anymore. Instead it's drowned out with a certain darkness as looks at you.

You hate that he seems to know exactly what you're doing at all times.

You know something's wrong. You just aren't sure how to deal with it. As a result you end up distancing yourself from Narancia. You instead find yourself talking to other people, not just the people in the gang.

It only seems to bring more issues.

You don't realize how far Narancia's gone until he does something drastic. You see him come back from a mission smelling of soot and blood one day. When you ask him what happened...his answer scares you.

"Oh... well I was off on a mission for Bucciarati... then I saw a certain guy you've been talking with... then I got a bit... carried away-"

The thought of what he means scares you. As a result you instead close to the gang more. However... even then it's not enough.

Narancia doesn't even like that anymore.

Soon Narancia corners you in private. You already fear to be around him... but you listen because you're friends, aren't you?

"Do you like me?"

Not anymore....

"Of course I do, Nara, we're friends until the end... always have been-"

"No, not like that. I mean... I want to be your boyfriend. We've been through similar pains, haven't we? ... don't you want to be with me?"

"Narancia..."

"Why have you been ignoring me?"

You curse yourself when he pins you, purple eyes swirling with a certain possessive tinge. Your fear increases when when he tightens his grip. It's then you try to reason....

"Narancia, please-"

"Answer my question..."

"You... you scare me, Nara. You won't let me talk to anyone but you-"

"You aren't supposed to!" He sneers. "You talk to anyone else... I'll lose you again."

"You won't Nara-"

"I need you to be with me... please say you will. I'll do anything!"

"Nara, I can't-" You whisper, trying to push him away.

"What do I need to do? Do I need to kill for you? I've done it before, I'll do it again!"

You pause for a moment, staring at Narancia. He seems to caught up in the moment to realize what he's said. He only pauses when he sees you shaking.

"So that's what happened..." You whisper, thinking of when he came back covered in blood and smelling of fire. "You're a monster..."

Then you see Narancia snap.

"I've given myself all to you! Yet you call me a monster!" Narancia yells, his grip tightening. His temper flares and it causes you to cry a bit. You want to go back to the rest of the gang.

Narancia seems to notice your shivering and sobs. His heart pangs in guilt. He's hurting you...

He's hurting you because he's selfish...

He doesn't want to lose you.

You don't move when Narancia pulls you into a hug. His gaze holds a delusional glint as he holds your shaking figure against him. He loves you too much... too much for his own good.

Why won't you reciprocate?

"You'll love me, even if we have to sit and wait for it to happen." Narancia whispers, kissing the top of your head. To him, he wants no one else.

You two belong to each other...

He's known that since he's met you... this is fate... he just has to be even more patient.

[cherrypeaking]

five steps — intro (hueningkai x fem!reader story) additional platonic!ot4 x fem!reader

NEXT

wc: 1.4k words

summary: you’ve lost complete contact with your boyfriend out of nowhere. kai, your best friend, wants to be here to comfort you all the way through… if it weren’t for his own secret feelings for you…

content warning: best friends to lovers, hurt/comfort, angst (?), the reader uses she/her pronouns, has attachment issues, very low self esteem, intrusive/dark thoughts, fear of abandonment, mentions of ghosting

a/n: i’ve decided to divide this story in seven parts! thank you so much to everyone who read my other works 🥹 just hoping this is okay haha

Sent on 12/16/2022.

You sighed, putting your phone away and hiding yourself under your blankets.

No matter how hard you tried, you couldn’t remember anything positive out of whatever that happened in that relationship. All you could focus on was the pain your, now, ex put you through.

Had it not been for Hueningkai, your best friend, you weren’t sure how that would’ve turnt out.

“I-it’s been two weeks Hyuka… I don’t understand… I can see he’s online… I haven’t seen him in weeks… he isn’t answering my messages anymore…” Kai listened to you with an aching heart, trying to pull you close to him.

“I’m… I’m sorry Y/N… I don’t want to… give you false hopes… or the opposite…” he mumbled back, earning a pained sob from you.

Imagining your life without your boyfriend was completely impossible. You had centered your life around him. Your friends had told you a few times that you seemed completely disconnected and that it was worrisome.

You never listened to them, until the bastard decided to completely cut ties with you out of nowhere. Now you were dealing with all the obvious consequences of his behavior.

It was only then, that you really came to terms with how unhealthy your feelings for that man were, but you couldn’t help yourself.

As though there were two sides of you, one that knew rationally speaking that detaching yourself a little from your boyfriend was the best thing to do. But the other didn’t want to.

“Y/N?” Kai’s voice brought you back to reality.

You pulled away, never looking him in the eyes.

“I… I just… I’m terrified… of being abandoned again…” you let out, Kai immediately covered your hands in his.

“Why would you say that? I’m here…”

Tears streaked down your cheeks uncontrollably when he said that, because you oh so wished you could believe him. He was your best friend after all.

However, and that was just how everything was, you could never be certain. And given the circumstances, you were convinced everyone would leave you anyway.

“What if you left too? I… I don’t know what I’d do with myself… I… I think I…” Kai didn’t want you to finish your sentence.

He could only assume the worst of your thoughts. Thus he rummaged through his bed and covers a little bit only to present you with one of his bigger plushies.

“Tobin? Tobin is amazing at comforting people…” although you were about to tell Kai how distraught you were, his actions always managed to make you smile.

You took the stuffed bunny in your arms and buried your face in its mellow material.

Once again, you started sobbing, trying to cry the pain away.

It’s because you’re a terrible person.

Everyone is going to leave you.

Everything would be better without you.

You’re a piece of trash.

People like you don’t deserve love.

Thoughts were spiraling in your mind over, and over, and over.

You felt so much hatred and disgust towards yourself. You felt as if, no one would be able to save you from that pain.

“I… I hate myself…” you whimpered, keeping your head in Tobin’s belly.

Kai couldn’t bring himself to leave you alone. All he did was stay there with you, until your tears had worn you out so much that you ended up falling asleep.

“You should’ve seen her… I can’t believe that asshole did that to her…” Yeonjun hissed a little, not being used to hearing his friend curse like that.

Kai had asked Yeonjun, his oldest friend, to come over his flat. He did not trust himself fully to take care of you on his own — for more reasons than one.

“I know you like her, Kai.” Yeonjun began, having the said boy look his way. “But you can’t let her current state affect you so much…” he added.

Kai looked down, needing time to collect his thoughts after hearing his friend out.

He was right. Kai knew he was.

“It’s difficult… Y/N is your friend too… don’t you understand me?” He asked, tilting his head back towards Yeonjun, who frowned before joining Kai on the couch.

“I can’t pretend I do…”

Obviously you were among Yeonjun’s worries, but he knew Kai was not only your best friend, but also crushing on you since middle school. He couldn’t claim to know exactly how his friend was feeling when it came to you.

Kai sighed, not expecting Yeonjun to pat his shoulder though.

“However… if you’re really worried about her… so am I. You know her the best…” The elder added.

“I lent her Tobin… for tonight… because she was crying so much… I hate that she is in pain…” Hueningkai mumbled, fiddling with his hands.

Yeonjun knew where the latter was getting at.

“Do you want me to go get Molang?” he offered, earning a shy nod from Kai.

With a small wince, Yeonjun went on to find Kai’s second big plushie.

Meanwhile, Kai merely stayed there, on the couch, ruminating.

Seeing you in tears, for a loser like him… it breaks my heart.

Sadness.

I hate that asshole so much, no one should break your heart like this.

Anger.

If I were your boyfriend… nothing like this would’ve ever happened… I would’ve protected you…

Protectiveness.

If he completely listened to all the emotions he was feeling in his heart, Kai would probably do a lot of things he would regret later on.

“Here, that little guy is bigger than I remembered.” Yeonjun handing him his plushie distanced him from the thoughts.

He giggled, taking Molang in his arms.

“It’s because you have to make sure he eats well!” He replied, in a childish tone.

Yeonjun snorted a little.

So cute.

He joined Kai on the couch so they could discuss.

“You know… it’s going to be hard for her… they say there are five stages of grief… so it’s obviously gonna take time for her to move on.” Yeonjun broke the mild silence that was going to set in.

Kai solely kept his nose on Molang’s head, trying to calm his thoughts down. He felt that it was better to just let Yeonjun go on with what he was saying.

“Also, she has to go through this on her own… You wouldn’t want her to start depending on you just as a replacement for her ex right?” Those words made Kai freeze a bit.

“We should definitely take her out sometime… to help her distract herself, you know? But if you just stay with her, only you, all the time… it’s not gonna end well for either of you…” Yeonjun rubbed his chin, not knowing what else to say.

All he wanted was to protect both of his friends from a potential second heartbreak.

Kai slightly pulled away from Molang, chuckling.

“Since when did you become my therapist?” he asked in a light tone.

That made the elder scoff in surprise, bringing his thumb in his mouth.

“Speaking from personal experience…” he began, his jaw getting tense.

“Oh no… hyung I’m sorry…” Kai pouted, putting Molang away — next to him.

Out of nowhere, Yeonjun started making kissy faces and throwing his arms at him for a hug.

“This is why I don’t want my babie Hueningie to suffer okay?” It was very Yeonjun of him to do.

However it did take the poor boy aback and he got off the couch, trying to escape the elder’s arms.

“Hyung! I’m serious!” Kai whined, pushing Yeonjun away, despite his kiss attacks.

They both laughed it out, the situation being pretty silly. When Yeonjun had had enough of being pushed away by his friend, he sat back down, next to Kai.

That was when the latter suddenly spoke up.

“There are five stages of grief they say hm?” Yeonjun tilted his head, confused with Kai’s rhetorical question.

He just nodded, waiting for what he was about to say next.

“And Y/N has five friends… the five of us…” Kai added, looking at the elder who still did not understand a thing of what he was saying.

“Yeah…? And…?”

Kai solely smiled, and the little sparkle in his eyes seemed to reassure Yeonjun immediately.

“Hyung, please call the others. I have an idea.”

Today was Sunday, which meant tomorrow would be Monday — the first day of a busy week.

[v3nusxsky]

helloh, i love ur fanfic so much, huh i’m in a really sad mood lately and larissa is my comf character, can i ask some larissa x r fluff of just larissa being cute while comforting reader (reader just lost one of the most important person in their life and they are really sad and cries a lot recently / the person they’ve lost is not dead!), u can choose if larissa and reader are in a relation or nop

it’s oki if u don’t want to write it

:’ have a lovely trip! ily~

Hey lovely, I’m sorry you’ve been feeling sad recently but I’m glad that you are finding comfort in my fics.

Gone. Just like that.

*Authors note~ I'm in the mood for some angst so here we go*

Trigger warnings~ abandonment issues coming out

Prompt~ see ask^^

✰ ✰ ✰ ✰ ✰ ✰ ✰ ✰ ✰ ✰ ✰ ✰ ✰ ✰ ✰ ✰ ✰ ✰ ✰ ✰

Coming out is single handedly the hardest thing you would ever have to do. You knew that it would be hard, that most people probably wouldn't accept who and what you were. The feeling of fear is the soul reason why it has taken you so long to finally admit the truth. Your parents were absolutely disgusted by you, they told you that. And if you were honest you were expecting that reaction from them, that's why you told them at parents weekend. You were safe at Nevermore, the worst they could do is leave.

But what you weren't expecting was for your twin sister Melissa to react in such a manner. She told you just how disappointed and disgusted she was to be your sister. That really hurt. She was literally the other half of you and now she was rejecting you too. Your parents, sure you'd expected it but your Isa? No you never in your wildest dreams imagined she'd react like this. So when she left with your parents your heart shattered. The tears streaming down your face as you replayed her words over and over again.

"It's disgusting, unnatural, you aren't any sister of mine let alone my twin. I want nothing to do with you ever again and I hope you burn in hell for your sins"  the venom in her words really cutting you deep every time you went over her words. How could she say such hateful things? You were her other half quite literally, identical twins. Yet here she was abandoning you too. As of today you had no family and that fact made you want to disappear. Maybe then everyone would be happier.

For days you locked yourself in your dorm room, crying out all the pain you felt. It was an uncontrollable pain one that felt like it would never go away. Your worst fear had come true. Being alone. Truly you were alone now, no family, not any friends and hell you had no support system. That is why you had gotten away with hiding for so long. After all did anyone actually care to check on you? No. They didn't, which is why you had lost everyone, because you deserved to be alone.

You had no idea just how worried the principal of Nevermore is about you. The poor women was going mad with worry. She had began checking all of your usual hang out spots, the food hall and your attendance records. None of which, gave her any information. Which is why after a few days and a few reports of hearing sobs coming from your dorm, she made her way to check.

Wanting to respect your privacy, yet not quite being able to make herself leave without seeing you, she knocked on your dorm. When there was no sign of any movement from inside the room, she reached into her pockets and unlocked the door. The sight that met her was absolutely heartbreaking.

You lay curled up in bed, all photo frames had been smashed, the room trashed and you curled up into the fetal position sobbing. Your shoulder were shaking violently yet the sound had long since stopped coming. This was so out of character for you and she had to help somehow. She made her way to sit on the edge of your bed, calling for you hoping to break through your state.

You shook and fought to wipe your falling tears, "p-pr-inciple- w-eems?"you whispered brokenly, your voice hoarse from all the crying. When you peaked out from your blankets she saw just how red raw your eyes were. How long had you been in this state?  "Oh my darling, I'm here can you tell me what's upsetting you little one?" Her tone was light and motherly and all you could do is throw yourself into her body. Instantly, she wrapped her arms around you and started to rock you gently.

You managed to stutter out an incoherent explanation of what had happened. Surprisingly, she  understood everything you said and responded by stroking your back and whispering words of reassurance and comfort. Reminding you that although the situation sucks, and it was really unfair your family couldn't see just how amazing you were.

She shared her stories of her own coming out and how that had been similar to your experience, the point to make you feel less alone and remind you that it's okay for you to be who you are and not feel guilty. There was nothing wrong with you, we love who we love and that's okay. For the first time in days, you finally felt at peace, snuggled into the older women's arms. Her calming actions and words never ceased. You told her stories of Isa and how much you loved your twin sister, how much it hurt you that she had left you too. She listened eagerly and reassured you that maybe Isa was struggling with her own issues, after all you had escaped to Nevermore while Isa hadn't. It was rare for one twin to be an outcast while another was a Normie which is why you often felt like an outsider in your own family.

Larissa made sure to remind you she was always here for you and Nevermore will always be your home. You don't have to hide here, be who you are freely and remember her door is always open to you. Day or night, if you need her she wanted you to come and find her. You nodded in response to her kind words and snuggled further into her.

Word count ~ 1056

[not-a-space-alien]

K&J x MMSS 3: Kane & Valen Part 11

Chapter 11 of the third crossover with @whumpsday!

K&J masterlist

MMSS masterlist

K&J x MMSS crossover masterlist

SERIES IS 18+ ONLY.

Warnings:  Aftermath of torture

To be added to the taglist, contact @whumpsday

In this chapter: Precision mycology, Kane faces his fears

***

When Kane and Valen are ready to go, Liz is the one who drives them to the house on human territory Valen owns–she's the one with a truck to carry anything Valen wants to take, and the plan is for them to go back to vampire territory after, and Jim is too scared to drive to the border, though he tells them anxiously to be safe. They arrive at Valen's house without issue.

Valen morosely walks up the driveway to his abandoned house. He pauses in front of his ill-fated car, up on four cinder blocks.

"I suppose I shouldn't be surprised that someone stole my tires." He sighs. "Liz, ma'am, I hate to drag things out, but seeing as how I'll be unable to offer to drive us to the border myself, I must now reveal the unfortunate fact that the ingredients I had intended to gather need to be harvested during the day. Would you be willing to wait until sunrise, and help me collect them?"

"Yeah, no problem," Liz agrees. She keeps weird hours anyway.

Kane eyes the abandoned house with the broken windows that will surely stream in sunlight. "We're staying in there? During the day?"

"Kane, dear, unless someone has ripped them down, I have blackout curtains set up in every room except for the broken kitchen window. I lived here for months being active during the day without incident." 

"Okay... yes, that makes sense," he agrees, nodding slowly. "So we'll wait here while Liz collects the mushrooms? What if- what if other humans see us?" Kane is a fountain of nerves.

Valen hesitates. Oh, this is going to be a very hard sell. "Well...I was planning on going with Liz. It really would be safest for the three of us to stay together, to avoid incident with my dreadful neighbors. I have an outfit that protects me from the sun. I should have enough pieces to put one together for you also."

Kane chokes. "You what? You want us to go out there? In the sun?" He quickly realizes his only other option is staying back here, alone in human territory during the day, and begins to tear up from stress.

Liz looks away awkwardly, not wanting to get involved in their issue.

Valen takes both of Kane's hands. "Kane, dear, going out in the sun while covered up is much different than being held down and forced to lie in it with no protection. The worst that would happen is you get burned briefly before you can move to cover yourself, if there's an accident somehow. It wouldn't be for days on end. Just a few seconds, if anything happens at all. I did this regularly and only got hurt because I was alone. I certainly won't make you go, but this will go much faster if I'm with Liz to help, and I worry it might be more dangerous to leave you here alone."

Kane squeezes Valen's hands, not wanting him to let go. "I can't- I can't go out there, I can't go out there in the sun, and, and I can't s-stay here alone." He starts crying a little bit. "I'm scared."

"All right, that's all right. Eem..." Valen looks hesitantly at Liz. "What if you and Liz stay here, and I go alone?" Valen is scared to be out on his own, but he's well on his way to being back to full strength, and he has persuasion, which Kane doesn't have, so it would be safer for him to be alone than Kane. But he's also worried that Kane won't feel safe alone with Liz either.

"NO!" Kane wraps his arms around Valen, holding him close. "I don't want you out there alone! That's even worse!" He shivers, holding Valen, and quietly adds, "...I'll go.”

"Valen's right, it's safer if we don't split up." Liz agrees.

"Kane, are you sure?" asks Valen, exasperated. "You're shaking like a leaf. I suppose I could just give Liz as specific directions as possible, or go without."

"It's- it's all scary. All of the options." Kane says miserably. "We should just go together. If you're doing it, I can do it too. Being found on our own would be worse than being burned." He forces a smile. "But you can show me your house in the meantime!"

"Thank you for being so brave for me!" Valen knows that Liz is not a fan of Kane, and is probably getting tired of watching Valen trying to soothe him, so he leads them into the house.

The door is unlocked, so Valen expects most of his more valuable possessions will be gone....he did have a stash of money and jewelry, which was hidden, but maybe not enough to thwart burglars who'd had months at a time.

The first thing everyone notices is the smell, something rotting. It's overwhelming for Kane and Valen, but even Liz's insensitive nose can smell it. The second thing is the explanation: the power is off.

"Ouh," says Valen. "Yes, I suppose nobody was paying my electricity bill. I'll probably have to sell this house eventually....I don't suppose you, Liz, or Jim would want it?" He moves into the kitchen, cautiously approaching the fridge, the source of the smell. "Oh, oh dear."

He opens the fridge to reveal the bottles of not-blood with matts of mold blooming in them

Liz can definitely smell it too, and makes a face. Kane covers his nose, looking like he's trying not to barf.

"Yeah, I'll pass," Liz says. "It's kinda out of the way. Already got a house."

"Is that the blood?" Kane asks. "It's not supposed to be like that, right?"

"Ehm," says Valen. "No, it's typically much less foul than this...I wonder how long the refrigerator has been without power."

He starts to take out the bottles and uncork them, pouring them down the sink with plenty of running water. The sight is almost as bad as the smell, slimy bits of black and green being pulled along in the stream. "I do regret that we can't call Jim and tell him we arrived safely. Liz, if you wanted to assure him, you could probably ask a neighbor to use their phone, but I'm certainly not going to speak to them again."

"It's cool. Probably best to avoid 'em. Lemme help." Liz starts dumping more bottles. Valen is relieved when Liz starts to help, and he abandons her to finish the task as soon as is possible without being overtly impolite. He thinks that this is fair since Liz's nose isn't as sensitive as his.

Kane looks around in the meantime. "You have a lot of books. I guess that's not surprising." He smiles. "I like to read, too. Maybe I'll get into your science books."

Valen excitedly comes over to Kane. "You're welcome to read whichever ones you like." He starts picking books off the shelf seemingly at random, giving contextless facts about each. 

There isn't really much else to see in the house, besides the books and the bare mattress he'd been sleeping on, and his clothes, so he flips the basement light on and descends the stairs.

"The equipment I was using is all down here." It's mostly still there, if a bit dusty. "This is probably all I would really want to take with me besides the books. Oh, hold on, I should check something." 

He goes under the stairs and moves one of the wooden boards aside. "Aha," he says, pulling out a small lockbox. "I see no one found my valuables. Good." 

Kane looks curiously to the equipment. He doesn't really understand what most of it is, though he imagines Valen tirelessly working on his project down here. "You were just out here in human territory, doing this. All alone."

Valen flushes red. "Um, yes. In retrospect, it was... reckless and foolish of me to do so. I suppose I didn't fully understand the danger I was in. I had the conception of humans as too small and weak to be a real threat to me, a helpless animal that needed my charity and not... people capable of being driven to violence by fear."

"Me too, but without the charity, so you win." Kane takes his hand. "You won't be alone anymore."

Valen beams. "And finally someone to tell me the truth about how they taste. The–the concoctions!" he rushes to add. "Not–not any humans."

Kane smiles and kisses him on the cheek.

His good mood slowly dissipates as sunrise grows closer and closer. He keeps anxiously fiddling with his clothes, and won't get more than a few feet from Valen, following him around like a shadow.

Valen notes the impending sunrise as well, and throws open the downstairs closet, forming a pile of garments behind him. "All right, Kane, come here and I shall firmly wrap you up."

He puts an overcoat on Kane, followed by a second pair of pants, mid-calf boots, long gloves, and a hooded cloak. He packed plenty of backups, not wishing at all to be caught without such items.

He then hands Kane a mask. This one was his backup mask, but it's perfectly functional. It looks like a gas mask and has tinted lenses to block out the sun. He straps the mask over the cowl of the cloak, then for good measure gets a roll of duct tape and tapes the edges of the outfit shut, the pants and sleeves and the hood, so there is not a scrap of skin exposed.

He steps back to survey his work. "There, how does that feel?"

Kane stands rigid as Valen securely covers every inch of him. He's spent so long forcefully exposed. The hunters taking away his articles of clothing one-by-one, Nick forcing him into nudity time and time again. But Valen is the opposite. Valen made him clothing by hand, and now he's painstakingly covering him up to make sure he's safe. He tears up a little under the mask, emotional.

"It feels good," he says, a little choked up. "Thank you. I... I don't think I can feel safe going out in the sun, but this is as safe as I can possibly get. Thank you."

Valen smiles, then starts wrapping himself up the same way. His mask has a beak–he chose this one because it had room to put scented objects in front of his nose, to stop him from smelling humans...he hadn't trusted himself before, to smell them when he was hungry, although blocking that out is probably exactly what got him captured by surprise.

He also just likes the aesthetic of looking like a plague doctor.

Valen and Kane look at each other through their frosted lenses, both barely recognizable to the other. "Are you ready?" asks Valen. His voice reverberates in his mask now. "The sun is coming up."

Kane goes “Mmm” noncommittally, clinging to Valen's arm as they rejoin Liz.

"Let's get this show on the road," Liz says. "I figure we can take the truck, unless it's super close? You can navigate me."

"Oh, I always just ran there." He politely declines to point out that Liz is the reason why he couldn't do that now. "But the truck would probably be safer. I usually went through the woods, but I'm sure we can find a spot to park near the trail."

"Sounds good," she says with a thumbs-up. "Everybody in." She heads out the door.

Kane does not move, holding Valen’s arm in a death grip.

Valen steps forward a bit. "One step at a time now. The porch is in the shade. How about we start by going out the door?"

"Okay," Kane says quietly. He shuffles forward with Valen until they're both on the shaded porch, involuntarily letting out a whimper.

"Is me being here making it better or worse?" Liz asks. She's still bitter toward Kane, but she doesn't wanna impede anything if getting in the truck would make it easier.

Kane squints through the mask. "Um, worse. I'm s-sorry." Having a hunter here during something so stressful is making him even more afraid.

She nods. "I'll wait in the truck."

"Sorry," he whispers again, to Valen.

"It's okay," Valen whispers back. "We have plenty of time." Valen watches Liz get into the truck, then pulls Kane towards the edge of the sunlight. "Let's just start by putting one hand in, hmm?"

Valen goes to reach his arm out, but finds his limbs are trembling. He'd been trying to be brave for Kane, but he is also more scared than he'd like to admit. He's done this before, but ... that was before he'd known what the sun felt like, and been forced to lie in it.

Kane can't be brave if he sees you're scared. Valen does his best to suppress the trembling, and sticks his be-gloved hand into the sun. It doesn't burn, of course it doesn't, because they'd taken precautions. "See? It doesn't hurt."

Kane nods and slowly sticks his hand out. He gets it about halfway into the sun, then gasps, pulling it back. "Sorry. I'm sorry. I'm not burned. I just got scared." He does the same thing a second time, then finally puts his hand all the way out and keeps it there, breathing heavily.

"There we go," says Valen. "Very good." He takes his hand and turns around, stepping into the sunlight so he can pull Kane forward slowly. ...Ripping the bandaid off quickly for himself definitely makes him feel better, and he can feel the warmth, but he is bundled up airtight. "Come forward more when you're ready."

Kane stares at Valen in awe for a moment. He just stepped out there like it was nothing. He's seen Valen after the sun. He knows Valen knows how bad it is. And yet, he's brave enough to do this no problem.

He takes a deep breath, then steps out all at once into Valen's arms, shaking.

"There we go," Valen coos, squeezing him. "Good job. See, it doesn't burn when you cover yourself up." He steps down the porch, leading them towards the truck. "Talk to me. How does it feel?"

"...Warm," Kane squeaks, voice saturated with fear. "It's, it's right there." He whimpers. "How are you not scared?"

"Kane, my dear," says Valen, voice finally cracking. "I am scared. But we've faced far scarier things than this before. We're proving we don't have to let fear win."

Kane squeezes Valen back. His brave, brave Valen. "I won't let anyone hurt you. I'm strong enough to protect you, now. I'm sorry that I couldn't before." He hesitates, then adds, "Will you sit in the back with me?"

Valen's heart melts when Kane says that. “Yes, of course.”

Kane clings tight to Valen as they make their way into Liz's truck, squeezing in. Kane grows more and more anxious as they get further from the safety of the house, especially now being transported by a hunter who hates him, even a kind one.

"So, where to?" Liz asks.

Valen directs her to drive for a while down the main road leading from his place–barely more than dirt and gravel, with how far out they were–and directs her to pull over to the side of the road nearby a visible trail. The trees provide some shade, though there is still plenty of sunlight between their dappled leaves.

Kane is grateful for the shade, even if he's still terrified. He remains a permanent fixture on Valen's arm. "You never got burned doing this, before?"

Valen pats Kane's arm as they walk. "Not once. In fact, all my problems only started when I took all this off in the safety of my own home."

Kane is only slightly comforted by this.

Valen starts to walk into the woods, then turns back. "Liz, ma'am, do you think perhaps you should put on some sunscreen? I wouldn't want you to get burned."

Liz chuckles and follows him. "I think I'll be fine. You're very sweet, though. Thanks. You don't have to call me ma'am, by the way."

Valen dips his head towards Liz. "I won't if you don't prefer it, but I mean nothing by it. I got into the habit of using honorifics liberally in my husband's estate, since it can be difficult to remember everyone's appropriate titles, and they get so very offended if you err on the side of being too casual."

Liz shrugs. "Makes me feel old, when I'm the spring chicken of this bunch. You guys are what, a hundred?"

"I'm 116," Kane says quietly, eyes focused on the pattern of sunlight on the ground.

"I'll be turning 87 later this year," says Valen. "Which, according to some, makes me too old for–Oh, look, here, everyone." Valen excitedly rushes forward and gets down on his hands and knees to examine a blood orange mushroom, growing in a sunny patch at the base of a tree. "This is exactly what I'm looking for. If we can get as many of these as possible, that would allow me to continue my experiments. Their caps are only open during the day." He unfolds a cloth bag from his pocket and gently plucks the mushroom from the ground, holding it by the stem. "Liz, this fungus contains a potent neurotoxin, so don't touch them with your bare hands."

"Oh, super noted," Liz says, taking several steps back.

Kane starts gently plucking mushrooms and putting them in the bag. "They don't smell like food. Do they smell like food after you do things to them?"

"Erm," says Valen. "Sort of. It's not... exactly like real blood.” Understatement of the century. “Unfortunately it usually tastes quite bad, and doesn't smell the same. Hence why I had to keep working on it." He stands. "This is a good patch, but I'm sure we can find more if we go a little further. Keep your eyes peeled, everyone."

They go for a nice walk, which is nicest to Liz and the least nice to Kane. When any of them try to help and point out or bring him mushrooms, it's about a 50-50 that he accepts them or holds them up and then tosses it over his shoulder declaring it a closely related, but not substitutable fungus, citing minor differences such as stem length, gill density, cap color or shape, or any number of indecipherable details. He always tells Kane the mushrooms he's finding have stems that are too short, but then when Kane starts pointing out ones with longer stems, he claims they're too long.

But eventually, the bag is full, and Valen is preening. "This is plenty, thank you everyone. We can go home now. I can freeze-dry these ones for a long-term supply.”

"Sweet," Liz says. "We can all get some sleep, then pack up the truck with anything you wanna take with you, then head out toward the border."

Kane is very relieved for this experience to be over. He has had a little bit of fun picking mushrooms, but the sun is just too frightening. "Yes. Sleep," he agrees.

"Excellent. Great work, everyone."

They see a few chipmunks on the way back to the truck, and drive back to Valen's house without incident. However, when they start making arrangements to sleep, Valen realizes that he doesn't have very much furniture, and the only real suitable place to sleep in the house is the mattress upstairs. He doesn't even have a couch, the furnishings of the house are so bare.

He tells them this in a very embarrassed way, unsure of what to do.

"I'll sleep in my truck, it's cool," Liz says. She is not gonna be caught sleeping in the same bed as Kane. She waves and heads out the door.

"It's- I can- I'm used to the floor," Kane says, trying to be polite.

“Kane,” Valen says, equal parts exasperated and amused. “The mattress is big enough for both of us to sleep on together.”

"O-okay," says Kane. "If you're certain." Valen waits until the door is closed, then goes around doublechecking the blackout curtains before finally starting to shed his layers. "See, my dear? We did it, and not a scratch on us. We're unstoppable!"

Kane takes his mask off to reveal a smile. "You're right. We really are. Three bouts with hunters and here we are, somehow." He starts taking off the duct tape, then stops, contemplating. "...It was worth it, I think. If it weren't for all of that, I wouldn't have ever met you. And I'd still be taking humans."

Valen blushes. "I'll take it as high praise that you think I'm worth all that. Though it pains me to know what you went through, I love the gentleness and understanding your experiences have given you now. It is so unfortunately rare among our kind." Valen sits on the floor, staring into the eyes of his mask. "Sometimes it feels so endless, to try and fight this uphill battle against the cruelty around us."

"Yes. I just wish I wasn't a part of it. I wish it wasn't Jim. I was so horrible to him, for years. Worse than most who own humans. I wish I could just take it all back," Kane says somberly.

Valen pats the spot next to him for Kane to sit down. "There's nothing that can be done about it now, except try to make it right. You have a unique perspective. You know what it's like to think that way, and to realize you're wrong. You'll be more able to convince people to change their minds than I would. People attribute my idealism to naivete."

"Yes, I suppose you're right." Kane agrees, sitting down and leaning against Valen.

Valen’s temporary house is barely set up for one person to sleep in, let alone two, but Valen turns out to be correct about the mattress being big enough for both of them. Valen lies down, and Kane cuddles up against him from behind like Valen’s a giant teddy bear. Valen leans into it, feeling much more relaxed and cherished here in this bare room on a mattress directly on the floor than he ever had at his husband’s luxurious estate.

***

K&J x MMSS crossover taglist:

@barebarb

@cc1010foxy

@emcscared-whumps

@hurtpluscomfort

@melancholy-in-the-morning

@pigeonwhumps

@secretwhumplair

@some-thrilling-heroics

@t0rture-me

@thecyrulik

@thejinglingcourtjester

@vehan-tikkun-olam-and-stuff

@whuarri

@whump-cravings

@whump-my-heart-away

@whumpycries

@wolfeyedwitch

@whump-addict

@why-not-ask-me-a-better-question

[thebleedingeffect]

Sometimes it's so fucking insane to me that I've managed to make it to 22 relatively sane and just like... I've been thinking about these past couple days, so here's a rough list of things I've either learned or am actively making myself learn:

1: Not all days are going to bad, but that doesn't mean it makes the harder days any easier to work through. Make sure you don't forget that the bad days don't nullify all of the good days that you've had and will have.

2: The bad days, weeks, and months will eventually pass, and one day, you will wake up and realize that you didn't feel horrible immediately upon opening your eyes. You will wake up and while not maybe not ready to live, you will not want to die.

3: Do not curse your body and mind when you finally do feel yourself begin to wake up once more to the world around you. Do not hate yourself for the time that you believe yourself to have wasted. Be kind to yourself above all else and let yourself wake slowly. Whether that's a single finger a day or feeling the breath in your lungs, take your time.

4: Humans are meant to be burdens and are meant to cry. We are born with the instinct to cry and scream for help, for love, for attention, and do not deprive yourself of those things because you believe that you do not deserve it.

5: I'm sorry if anyone ever told you that you are inherently unlovable or wrong in some way, you did not deserve that. I'm sorry if someone ever told you that you were too much, too little, too overwhelming, too quiet- whatever it may be. You did not deserve that, no matter if you believe what was told to you or not.

6: Therapy is not an end all solution to all of your issues and trauma, but it is a good start in admitting that you want help. Reach out to someone if you feel like you need help in processing your issues.

7: Do not deprive yourself of pleasure because you feel that you do not deserve it or that you must endure a certain amount of pain. There is no morality in taking care of yourself and in enduring pain. Eat food, take your medication, have a fun drink. A lifetime of prohibiting yourself because you feel you do not deserve it is not a good one and it will help and serve no one. Take care of yourself.

8: Listen to yourself when a part of you desperately wants help and needs help, comfort, and a shoulder to lean on. You deserve help.

9: One day, you will wake up and find that you have friends, a family, and a life that you never thought you'd ever reach. Do not take that for granted, no matter how bad the days can be.

10: There is a small, scared child inside of you that grew up painfully alone, isolated, and taught themselves to fear the world around them. That child learned that fear, isolation, and paranoia would protect them from the harshness of the world that they were forced to endure. You must take that child's hand and lead them back to bed and tell them to rest, that the fight is over. You must take their hand as many times as it takes until they finally close their eyes.

11: Some days, you will not believe the words that you tell yourself. It does not make them any less true, please continue on despite the pain in your limbs.

12: You will grow up from a scared child, to a terrified teenager, to an adult. You still carry them inside of you, so do not treat them with hatred, resentment, or ignorance. Show them the kindness that you should've been given all those years ago.

13: If you lived in isolation, loneliness, and constant abandonment, do not resent your future friends for having friends besides you. You are not being replaced, or forgotten, or abandoned, their love for others does not mean that you are being left behind. Please believe them when they say that they love you and have no urge to leave you.

14: You must trust others. You must. Despite all the fear that you've taught yourself to hold onto, you must loosen your grip around it. To loosen the grip will allow for others to help you shoulder the burden.

15: It's an unattainable fantasy that the ones you love most will be able to read your mind and magically know just what to do. That is a fantasy that you cannot fall into because the people you love are people, just like you. They are capable of making mistakes, not realizing things, not understanding why you're upset, or don't know when you're upset or not. To communicate is to foster a relationship into something stable, healthy, and long lasting. Admitting your weaknesses, your wants, and your boundaries will do so much in fostering trust.

16: Being fearful of the end will only make you want to run to the finish line because you cannot handle the possibility of the end. But, oftentimes, the end is much farther away than we ever realize and the path there is what makes the memories worth it. Do not worry for the end, as it will distract you from the present.

17: I do not know where you are or what you're doing, but you're dehydrated. Go drink some water.

18: Your friends love you. They want you around. They cherish you. Do not listen to the scared child in your head that tells you that they're just lying to appease you. Please believe in the reality that you are indeed loved.

19: Reach out to the ones you love if you need help.

20: Sometimes, self care and helping yourself doesn't look like taking the day off and watching that show. Sometimes, it's having having that difficult conversation, sometimes it's cleaning your room because it's been a mess for weeks now, sometimes it's blocking that number and crying about it for hours. The hard things make it all worth it in the end.

21: Self-deprecating jokes at your own expense the fastest way to conditioning your brain into hating yourself. You will see yourself in the absolute worst of lenses and only expect the worst out of yourself. The veil of humor does not make the truth of what you are saying about yourself any kinder. Do not exercise such cruelty upon yourself, you deserve better than that.

22: Some times in your life will either come very fast or pass by very slow. Neither of these are that enjoyable, but I promise you that they will not stay.

23: If you feel angry at the world, get something to eat. If you feel like everyone hates you, take a shower and talk to someone. If you feel scared of the world, try getting some better sleep.

24: Sometimes, the ones you love the most will make mistakes or hurt you in some way. Please tell them so that they can do right by you and help fix things. Do not stew in your own resentment or expectation that they should already know, just tell them. I promise that they will be relieved knowing that you trust them and feel safe enough to tell you that you did something wrong.

25: Old wounds will take time to heal, and maybe they never quite will, but the layers of your life will grow around it and continue to blossom. Do not resent the part of yourself that still lives at that point in time where the hurt festers. You did not deserve all of the pain that you were given, but hopefully, that part of you will one day grow quiet.

26: Take the medication if you need it.

27: Try finding something to do with your hands. Preferably something outside.

28: I love you.

[crowleys-hips]

i've been sitting here alone for like 2 hours just contemplating my fragile existence and clutching my chest in pain thinking about good omens and how much i feel like Crowley's character is like looking in a mirror at myself. same religious trauma, same core beliefs about being unforgivable, abandonment issues, terrible coping mechanisms (alcohol/drugs), covering it all up with humour, denying yourself the liberty to be open about your emotions either for fear of rejection or feeling undeserving of it altogether...i could go on, but those come to mind rn.

and it's not that i think i'm a bad person, not really. but deep inside, that's what i believe, and no amount of "i forgive yous" are ever gonna heal that part of me, an ex-catholic who "fell from grace" because *checks notes* i dared to be myself. and ever since then, i've never been able to forgive myself for who i am even though i know it's not really wrong, but it always will feel wrong to some extent because of the core beliefs that were drilled into me since i was a literal baby. "hated by heaven, loathed by hell, how will our hero cope?"

and then, on top of all this, having that one single person in the whole world that you trust above everyone else, betray you some way or another. leave you for something else. or maybe because you just weren't enough. and then never knowing the real reason why.

i feel like Crowley driving away from it all at the end of s2, and it hurts just how much i see myself there, because i don't often face my own reality like this. i tend to ignore it, turn away, avoid the problem. it's why i got into acting. to get a break from being "me" and getting to be someone else for a few minutes at a time. not as effective as alcohol, but it's healthier i guess.

anyway, i don't really know where i'm going with this, i've just never related so much to a character before, and it breaks my heart. but it also gives me a sliver of hope, that maybe, if he can eventually get a happy ending, then maybe, just maybe, i might too.

[bluegekk0]

Hello, I heard about the ask that you received from the anon and I am very sorry that you have to deal about that and I know that you are very insecure about your au being “not making any sense” but I don’t want you to think that way because you are just an artist who just loves pale king and makes cool ideas

Your au is not cringe or bad, your au is unique and creative, and you should be proud of it its just that sometimes that others can be jerks and assholes to people

You are not really alone because I share the same anxiety and worry as same as you every time I think about posting stuff about my own au as well.

I got an idea about what if winged nosk and nosk didn’t die but the survived from ghost and hornet

I headcanon that winged nosk was killed by hornet/herrah and ascended from godhome and I would like to make an au about what if winged nosk didn’t die but survived and was seeking revenge together with nosk (ghost nosk) which is why I made the devious duo au

Last couple months ago, I received a very heart amount of criticism from an anon in my inbox, about how much that they think that having winged nosk and nosk together would be a  crackship and a abomination of a kind and it would end badly as well and a couple of more stuff that I don’t like to put in detail…..

I wasn’t even trying to ship them both together, and I just thought that I think that winged nosk and nosk would be good teammates and all but the person whoever sent the ask is probably dirty minded and I made me so uncomfortable that I literally deleted all my old devious au stuff and including the comic cover I made. I really lost all my courage and I was very hesitant to post nosk art but I still post more nosk art because I still loved the character despite I received the most uncomfortable and painful ask I received in my inbox

Same as you, I created the devious duo au because it is just my comfort au and I love to make stuff about the nosks because I think that they are cool and I believed that they needed more attention because they don’t get enough love and they don’t get that much popularity from others which is why I kept drawing them

Everytime I see posts about your feral pale king au and your rambles, you gave me a bit of courage and confidence  to post the introduction of my au which I am very insecure about because it doesn’t fit in hk lore

I deleted my old art and introduction and all my nosk duo art files because I was so insecure about it and I was thinking if I should abandon it forever like I did to my old pale king au and my other au ideas (I used to be a fan of pale king but I threw away all my pale king fanart because I was scared of hate)

There are even times I tried to delete my tumblr account because I fear of getting bullied of the stuff I make

But its just an AU! And everyone is just having Fun!

I AM SO SORRY FOR THIS LONG ASK AKJHAKJSH

oh don't worry about it at all! i love reading through long asks like this!

that sounds horrible, i am so sorry you had to deal with those anons, no one deserves that kind of treatment, especially over something so harmless. people are way too judgmental and entitled when it comes to stuff like this, and it pisses me off every time i see it. i'm really sorry you had to go through that

your au idea sounds very interesting! i think i mentioned it to you at some point, it might have been on discord, i don't remember. but i always find it so charming and so inspiring when i see people attached to really minor (and often unpopular) characters, like nosk/winged nosk in your case

seriously, what that anon said to you is so cruel and for what? a harmless au idea? it's horrible. again, i'm really sorry that happened to you. and i'm sorry to hear how much it affected your confidence

if i can offer some advice, as someone who also has confidence issues, just do what you love. some people will have a problem with it, it's inevitable, but as long as you're not hurting anyone and are just enjoying yourself, to hell with them. they don't deserve your time, and you shouldn't waste time thinking about what they're gonna say. i know it's difficult sometimes, there are times when stuff like that really gets to you, i know that, i've been there. but think about all the other people who enjoy your work and want to see it, people who leave nice comments and reblog your art to show it to more people. and most importantly of all, think of yourself and how happy working on your au makes you. that is what really matters. we're all here to enjoy ourselves, after all

and if it doesn't "fit the lore"? if it "goes against the canon"? screw that. i have great respect for people who are careful and stay true to the canon, that's dedication on its own. but the idea that it's the only way to enjoy something is bullshit. make goofy aus. go crazy with them. if it makes you happy, then there's nothing wrong with that. the way i see it personally, canon is a good starting point for creativity, not a set of rules. more of a suggestion. you don't have to strictly follow it, that would be boring, if you ask me

i really hope you can find more confidence. if my art can help you with that, then that makes me happier than you can imagine. and please, if you ever need any words of encouragement, or just want to chat and share your ideas, you're always free to message me. we need to support each other, and we need to hype each other up. that's what being an artist is about, creating stuff and inspiring others

you got this friend, i believe in you. draw what makes you happy, share it with people who care. because people do care, there's always someone who does. stay strong ❤️

[fianceart]

┆˹ 🍃 ˼┆◌ Hello hello! I introduce myself, I'm fiance mizu and I'm here to talk to you about my project, an Au based on undertale! •🫐 ▸

-*comic in progress*-

Fanart made by a Twitter artist!

✨ ━━━━━Who is saved sans?━━━━━ ✨

╰┈➤ Saved sans is the guardian and protector of promises, he is in charge of taking care of them and that nothing bad affects the progress of fulfilling them, giving advice head-on, oh in your head, being as if you were giving it to yourself

╰┈➤ where do you live? he dwells and lives in Promisetale! an Au "destroyed" practically, in that au there are only floating lands surrounded by a great galaxy, and in these lands there are various echo flowers where the promises of each Au are kept, even yours

fanart made by saw - Minerva, an artist on Twitter, the full drawing can be found on her profile

╭✩*⢄⢁✧ --- Saved data and likes/dislikes¿ --- ✧⡈⡠*✩╮

ɞ ๛ *- saved is a calm skeleton that only seeks to help others keep their promises, not to abandon her or forget her, she is serious and mature in issues or situations that require it, but always smiling

ɞ๛ *- saved is not one to live with much, he is always in Promisetale oh in different alternate Aus taking care and watching over the promises

ɞ ๛ *- saved have friends? of course! among these are PaperCrane, ink, Dream, blueberry, screw, quill, athena, kamay, kind, hardthey, etc.

ɞ ๛ *- saved loves to eat churros! It is his favorite dish, and even more so if it has chocolate on top, he is a glutton

fanart made by saw - Minerva, an artist on Twitter, the full drawing can be found on her profile

ɞ ๛ *- saved give off any friendly aura? No!! The only thing Saved does is help promises to be fulfilled to the letter, and when he does not achieve his goal, he just withdraws, leaving that monster alone, even if it causes him damage.

ɞ ๛ *- one of his dislikes oh phobia is water, not touching it or anything like that, just being surrounded by a lot of water, like being on a ship in the middle of the ocean with no way out He practically has thalassophobia

ɞ ๛ *- he hates people who are liars when they promise another person something that he knows he can't keep. He dislikes that!

ɞ ๛ *- he does not like to touch or pluck some flower echo of Promisetale, since these contain the promises and can cause harm to him

ɞ ๛ *- What was Saved's first friend? This was PaperCrane, since he appeared first in his Au and helped him with his mental and physical problems, giving Haci the beginning of a friendship even though they have had fights.

fanart made by saw - Minerva, an artist on Twitter

ɞ ๛ *- Saved is Arobixesual, he likes both genres but doesn't feel love for them? Idk

fanart made by saw - Minerva, an artist on Twitter

๛ *- did you have friends and family? Yes, but they died together with Brokentale [Promisetale] since PaperCrane accidentally destroyed it, although they were already dead from the genocidal route they were going through, although now they aren't that dead hehe

ɞ ๛ *- Saved has enemies? Yes, hidden who "should" be the keeper of the promises is, wanting to kill him for taking his life, since he is Saved's first failed attempt

🥀༶ •┈┈┈ Who is hidden sans? ┈┈┈• ༶🥀

°As already mentioned, hidden is the enemy of Saved, it is also a "destroyer" it is the first failed attempt by gaster to recreate the guardian of the promises

⏤͟͟͞͞⪼ Hidden is a bit grumpy and serious, he doesn't like or like to be around others or that others want to be around him

⏤͟͟͞͞⪼Hate promises, feel that they are not so important that you have to take care of them or protect them

⏤͟͟͞͞⪼He does not live in a single Au, he travels from Au to Au practically seeking to make some monster break his promise or forget it to cause Haci damage to Saved

⏤͟͟͞͞⪼ hidden is not afraid, he thinks that it is something silly and that fear is for the weak

⏤͟͟͞͞⪼ He likes coffee sweets, that's what gives him strength and what he sometimes eats

⏤͟͟͞͞⪼ hidden is gay, although he hardly accepts it, he doesn't even accept the fact that he has a partner

⏤͟͟͞͞⪼ hidden's partner is called kye, who he met in Outertale, their relationship is Canon

kye belongs to @dulcelawaifu [on Twitter] just like the drawing below

⏤͟͟͞͞⪼ hidden has a gaster blaster, although he prefers to fight more hand-to-hand with his spear and "knives"

⏤͟͟͞͞⪼ hidden doesn't fight much with other people, the only hate he has is towards Saved

For example, he sees someone hurt or in trouble, he will help him, since those people are not to blame for what happened to him, he thinks that the only one to blame for being discarded is Saved, even if whoever gets in his way of ending him Saved becomes his enemy instantly

===✨°Why are promises important°✨===

°This way of acting helps to strengthen personal will and, at the same time, projects an image of credibility on others. The fulfillment of promises is a golden rule for coexistence

°If the promise is broken, the trust between the two people is lost, something that if it happens several times can end a friendship or even a relationship

° When you make a promise, you are giving your word to someone, and that person will expect you to keep it. Being able to keep your word or your promises says a lot about your character and who you really are. trust is very important

° Fulfilling the word decompresses psychologically, lightens the load, reinforces self-esteem and makes us feel like people worthy of all merit, respect and value

° practically the promises cause positive feelings, yes that is something that Dream supports in taking care of

꒷︶꒷꒥꒷‧₊Clarification of some things‧₊˚꒷︶꒷꒥꒷

•the friendship between ink, blueberry, uh Dream is not canon, it's just a headcanon, so to speak

•Quill, screw, athena and kamay , kind if they are canon friends! its creators are on Twitter

• PaperCrane does not belong to me, it belongs to little-noko

• hidden and Saved are not the same person nor are they siblings!

🩷=If you have any questions, just tell me and I will gladly answer you=🩷

🫐Thanks for taking the time to read! I have a few more things to say but I didn't want to make it so long, thanks anyway!🫐