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stellar-constellations · 9 months ago

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Star Patient: Chapter 1 (ONGOING SLOW BURN SERIES)

WARNING: This series will include; possible inaccurate medical procedures and medical setting, gore, toxic relationships that should NOT be replicated in real life, murder, yanderes, cursing, suicide mentions, implications of misandry (male misogyny), and possibly more.

Inaccurate canon-timeline (this is before Ashley and Andrew murdered their parents).

Reader has a small fear of adult men/rape and has a history of suicide attempts.

Incest is not Wincest.

Amnesiac! Obsessive! Patient! Andrew Graves x Yandere! Nurse! Reader:

Wordcount: 8,390 words (I am so sorry for how long the first chapter is).

Chapters: Current chapter, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, chapter 4, chapter 5, chapter 6, chapter 7, chapter 8, chapter 9 (in the works)

Want to listen to music while reading? Check out the Star Patient's Official Playlists! Multiple different playlists and genres!

“Can you say ‘aaaaaah?’” (Y/N) drawled out.

Her patient, little eight-year-old Lou, opened his mouth widely like a lion and ‘aaaaaah’ed for her as she shined her mediscope light down into his throat, checking his tonsils, uvula, throat's lining, gums, and tongue.

“Mmm, I see. You can close your mouth now. Good job, Lou!” she cheered as the kid beamed. “He has enlarged tonsils. Do you hear him snore at night?” she questioned, turning her attention to the concerned mother.

“He snores so loud he’s woken us up from across the house.” His mother sighed. “Is that bad?”

“Does he have problems focusing in school because he’s tired. Taking naps that are over an hour multiple times a week?” (Y/N) asked.

“Yes. His teacher complained just last week about him sleeping in class during a spelling test.” Lou's mother confirmed.

“I see. Lou, do you have any problems sleeping? Like do you wake up multiple times a night?” (Y/N) questioned, looking over towards the small boy.

“Maybe once or twice a night…” Lou muttered as he thought to himself.

“And does your throat hurt when you wake up?” (Y/N) questioned.

“Sometimes.” He responded.

“How often do you get sick?” (Y/N) questioned.

“Honestly, we’ve lost count. This past year he’s been sick at least three times.” His mother admitted.

“And it’s June. I see.” (Y/N) nodded, grabbing her clipboard of papers and a pen. “Lou is experiencing obstructive sleep apnea due to his enlarged tonsils affecting his sleep, which is affecting his daytime behavior and is the cause of why he gets sick so often. I do recommend surgery to remove them. I’ll write down some children hospitals near your area that specialize in pediatric surgery, that way we can get the right surgeon for the job.” She explained, writing down hospitals, where they’re located, and doctor names specializing in tonsil-study.

“Does this all sound about right, Doctor Ryan?” she questioned, turning her attention to the corner of the room where the doctor and her instructor stood, observing her performance.

“Absolutely phenomenal. You got everything right.” He praised, giving her a teethy smile that belonged on a Colgate commercial while a bubble of pride formed in her chest at his praise.

“Oh thank you, Ms (L/N)!” Lou’s mother smiled as she clutched her hands together.

“No worries. Here you go.” (Y/N) spoke, handing Lou's mother the papers. “Check out will be on your right when you walk out. There will be some ring pops too, go get yourself a reward for behaving so good today, Lou.” (Y/N) smiled as she rummaged through her cabinet for a sticker.

She found one and handed it to Lou's open hand.

“You were my star patient today, bud! I’ll see you in a few weeks for your next check-up.” (Y/N) smiled.

“Thank you again.” Lou’s mother smiled as she held Lou’s hand. "What do we say, Lou?"

“Thank you! Bye bye!” Lou cheered.

“Fantastic work today. We have one more patient before you can head out, okay?” Doctor Ryan spoke.

“Yes, sir!” (Y/N) smiled, excited of who she'd be working with next.

She loved kids and she loved helping them. It made her happy to be able to care for them and help them on their recovery to healthiness and happiness, hence why she's studying to become a pediatrician.

“They’re a bit on the older side, but we’re really short-staffed at the moment so I need you to take care of them.” Doctor Ryan explained.

“How old?” she questioned, noticing they were leaving the hospital’s pediatric branch and going to the elevators.

They both entered the elevator and Doctor Ryan pressed the 4th floor button. The doors closed as (Y/N) held the handle, feeling a little nauseous at being in a closed space with a man. She doesn't mind Doctor Ryan, but she doesn't like being trapped in uncomfortable proximity with a male—just a fear that was installed into her when she was young. Th elevator moved up two floors before the ride finally ended.

“Well… they’re twenty-two.” The doctor sheepishly smiled.

“Sir, I’m training to be a pediatrician, not a regular nurse.” (Y/N) stated firmly as the elevator doors opened, allowing them to walk out into the psychiatric branch of the hospital (must to her relief).

“Yes, but like I said, we’re short staffed. We just need to you re-evaluate his wounds and do a check-up on his physical health. He’s on suicide watch.” Doctor Ryan explained.

She opened her mouth to complain before hearing his last words.

Damn it, suicide watch? I don’t want them dying on my watch. Not only that, but I have experience in that field so I’m decent help for it. She thought.

“I… Yes, sir. I’ll get him checked out.” (Y/N) sighed, caving in.

"Thank you! You know it's been with the shortages of nurses and all, especially for the psychiatric branch." Doctor Ryan sighed out, in relief rather than reluctant-acceptance that (Y/N) did.

"I understand..." She sighed again.

Yes, I understand that the psychiatric branch is full of unstable patients with crazy-strength if set off. How do they expect me to hold up on my own against a fight with these guys? (Y/N) thought to herself.

They walked to the branch's help desk, scurrying through papers before Doctor Ryan made a noise of acknowledgment.

"Ah-ha! Here you go." He smiled, giving the paper packet to (Y/N).

(Y/N) grabbed a chair with wheels and moved it behind her, sitting down and reading the information.

"Like I said, just quickly re-evaluate his wounds and do a check up on his physical health. If he has any information on why he tried to commit suicide, write it down. It can help us with finding a therapist or at least a hotline for him. I'll go and write a report for Lou's visit, get that off your plate." Doctor Ryan explained, turning and walking away. "It's sad how young these kids are when they think all hope is lost..." he sighed.

Twenty-two? That's a pretty normal age for suicide. Try eleven, Doc. (Y/N) thought sarcastically. Well, no time to mope about. Let's get this over with and hope for the best. (Y/N) thought, dreading the interaction.

She wanted to be a pediatrician not only because she liked kids, but because they were much easier than adults. Adults live in a world where they're made to believe their pain is insignificant because elders and children are much more vulnerable to pain and suffering, so adults constantly fight their pain and hide it from others. Adults hide their pain to avoid pity, to avoid the expensive medical bill they don't want to pay. (Y/N)'s morals may be questionable, but if there's anything she believes as a nurse and upcoming-pediatrician, it's that you can't put a price on life. Kids have no shame telling someone if they're in pain, adults act as if they're dishonoring their family's reputation and pride if they tell someone they have a cough.

Not only that, but she doesn't want to work with adult men. It's been proven that some perverted adult men cause injuries to themselves so they can be in the care of gentle women, who they take overpower and advantage of. Of course, women can do the exact same thing too, but it's more prevalent with males. (Y/N) hates working with adults because she doesn't want to be apart of their sexual fetishes or apart of the statistics.

(Y/N) read through her patient's information, gathering the details she needs to access the situation:

Patient: Andrew Graves, 22. Room 402. Reason for admission: Jumped from a third-story building and ended up landing on his legs. By miracle, no injury to spine other than minor bruises. Both legs and ankles are shattered, needs multiple surgeries. Stitches on ankles, change bandages every 4-8 hours. Minor concussion and possible amnesia. Precautions: Patient isn't very cooperative. Use restraints if necessary. Has a sister that is extremely uncooperative and violent, has threatened other nurses. Use extreme caution with patient and sister to prevent any pain or stress that would worsen patient's condition.

(Y/N) put the paper packet down on the desk and sighed, shoving her hands into her face and groaning.

Of course! Not only an unruly patient, but an unruly visitor too? God, if you're real, is this your way of telling me it was a mistake being a pediatrician? (Y/N) thought to herself. Let's just get this damn thing over with, after this, I can go home and rest.

She walked to a medical supply closet in the staff room and took some bandages and anti-septic cream, along with checking to make sure her stethoscope and mediscope was all there. She grabbed two water bottles from the mini fridge and shoved it into her bag along with two mini-bags of pretzels from the snack cabinet.

She shut the staff room's door and locked it, shoving her key and lanyard under her lilac purple nursing scrubs in case some pocket-picker (or someone stupid enough) tries to steal her key. She made sure her bag's strap was secure against her firmly and walked towards room 402.

(Y/N) stopped at the patient's door to collect her breath. She heard voices inside, only dreading the next few minutes once she realized how angry the voices sounded.

"Damn it, Andrew! You just had to fuck shit up like you do with everything else, huh?" a girl's voice rang through the room.

"Isn't this what you wanted? You make no sense..." a boy's voice, Andrew perhaps, sighed.

"I didn't expect you to take me seriously, dumbass! What if you actually died? You'd leave me all alone to deal with the shit you caused!" the girl shouted.

"Keep your voice down! And the shit I caused? You're the one that started it all! If it weren't for you, we wouldn't be on the run!" Andrew hissed.

"Oh, so eating the neighbor was my decision? Is that what you're saying! No, you're the one that fucking said it!" the girl exclaimed.

"You implied it!" Andrew retorted.

"I did nothing! But even then, we would've starved in that damn apartment! Is that what you wanted? And you're the one that killed the warden, then the damn lady!" the girl claimed.

"Hey, the lady was self-defense and you're the one that made me kill the hitman! I killed the warden because you got caught! We would've both been fucked at that point!" Andrew reasoned.

"WE ARE FUCKED!" the girl screamed.

"Ashley! Calm down!" Andrew spoke, raising his tone.

"ME CALM DOWN? HOW CAN I BE CALM AT A TIME LIKE THIS?!" the girl, Ashley screamed, sounding crazy enough to potentially be pulling her hair out.

"Well you're going to have to! Someone might discover we're on the run!" Andrew hissed through his teeth.

"Don't you realize, stupid?! If you died, you would've left me all alone in this shitty world. I can't live without you, Andy..." Ashley muttered.

"My name isn't Andy, Andy is dead. It's Andrew." Andrew stated firmly.

"Fuck you, Andrew! I hate Andrew! I want Andy back! At least Andy still liked me!" Ashley shouted, her tone sounded like she was close to breaking down in tears.

"Ashley, come on... We've gone over this. I like you." Andrew sighed.

"Yeah right! You tried sleeping with that lady at the apartment complex!" Ashley accused.

"Damn it, Ashley! I already told you, she tried to kill me so I killed her! What part of that involves sex?" Andrew hissed.

"I don't want to hear it, you bastard! The second you get a girlfriend, I become invisible to you!" Ashley complained.

"As if! I was always ditching Julia for you! Even then, you fucking convinced her into breaking up with me!" Andrew huffed.

"I was weeding out the whores that sprout their legs open! She doesn't deserve someone like you, Andy!" Ashley shouted, then took a deep breath. "I'm your sister, Andy. I know what's best for you! I know who's best for you! She wasn't shit!"

"You're stressing me out, Ashley..." Andrew groaned, his voice muffled (presumably shoving his face into his hands). "I don't want to talk about this... I don't even know how we got on this topic but just shut up about it... We'll leave as soon as I heal up some."

"That'll take too long. We can leave now!" Ashley whined.

"And what? You want me to run on two broken legs? Are you going to carry me?" Andrew spoke, verbally knocking some sense into her.

"I-I'll find a damn wheelchair! We'll put you on a wheelchair and run." Ashley spoke, suddenly not sounding as confident and aggressive as she was previously.

"Run where? There's no where we can go! Mom doesn't want us and we can't just live on the streets forever. This is a good opportunity for us to rest here and think about our next move." Andrew explained.

"Says you. You get a nice bed and food provided to you while I'll be stuck outside, cold and alone while I rot away outside." Ashley snapped, exaggerating her voice on the last bit.

"I'm sure you'll figure something out. You have a way with getting what you want." Andrew huffed.

"Not all the time..." Ashley muttered. "I still think we should take a wheelchair and-"

"Leave, Ashley. Visiting time is over." Andrew spoke firmly.

"But-" Ashley started, but was cut off.

"No buts, Ashley. Leave... You're just making me feel worse..." Andrew sighed in frustration.

Good, stand your ground against her. I don't know their full story, but Ashley sounds really manipulative to me, but Andrew definitely doesn't sound like a victim either... (Y/N) thought to herself.

"Fine, I'll leave and I'll never come back! You can't live without me, Andy!" Ashley shouted before walking towards the door.

Sounds like a threat... (Y/N) thought.

Damn it, she's infuriating. As expected of her though... Andrew thought to himself.

(Y/N) realized that Ashley was coming her way. She didn't want to seem nosey so she quickly ran to an open hospital room, making sure to redirect her weight to her legs so her footsteps wouldn't make noise in case it alerted Ashley. She heard Andrew's door open before slamming close, then footsteps walking past the room (Y/N) was in.

(Y/N) held close to the wall where the door was, hiding herself in case Ashley peeked into the room on her way out. (Y/N) waited a minute after the footsteps vanished, just to be sure that Ashley wasn't on her way back. She walked back to the door before stopping, realizing what the siblings revealed to her.

They're murderers. Not only that, but cannibals too. They both confessed. I have to be careful about this guy, two broken legs or none, he's dangerous. (Y/N) thought to herself, then held her fist up to the door.

She gently knocked three times, then opened the door, not caring for a response back. She saw Andrew staring out of the hospital's window (one without bars, (Y/N) believes that's a stupid decision since this is a known suicidal branch on the fourth floor). His reflection showed his eyes closed, his eyebrows pinched in frustration.

"I said leave, Ash—" Andrew's head turned to look at the nurse and his eyes only hardened, as if seeming more mad at the nurse than at Ashley who ran off.

Watch it, buddy. I can make your death look like an accident... (Y/N) thought inside of her head, only proving her dislike of caring for adults.

"Expecting someone else?" (Y/N) spoke, forcing a polite smile on her face.

I'd rather not have to try and fight him into restraining him against the bed. She thought.

Andrew stayed quiet as he glared at her.

The previous nurses that entered his room weren't very kind to him, they were old and seemed annoyed to care for their patients. They got an earful from Ashley. Not only that, but they sure were rough with re-doing his bandages, sloppy too. He didn't want to deal with anyone else today, he just wants to go to sleep.

Maybe a permanent sleep like jumping out of this window... At least I wouldn't hear Ashley complain so much. Andrew thought to himself.

To be honest, Andrew doesn't exactly remember much. For some reason, he only has memory of the past three months and that's it. All of his memories consisted of being locked in an apartment with little food, to no food, for three months with Ashley, rotting away. Then Ashley had the bright idea to eat the neighbor after breaking into his apartment and seeing him fail a seance to a... demon? As crazy as that sounds.

Well, she didn't exactly say it, but she placed the thought into Andrew's head then forced Andrew to say it to make it seem like it was his idea. Then she started chopping the neighbor up to eat him, then the warden came and Ashley got caught, which resorted in Andrew having to kill the warden so the warden wouldn't contact any other wardens with his walkie-talkie. Ashley had the bright idea to escape the apartment complex by completing the seance and offering live human. Andrew eventually agreed to it.

Then they ran from the place and ended up in a lady's apartment. Turns out she whored herself to get food from the wardens, so they used her to escape. While Ashley left to do the seance, Andrew had to hold her hostage so she wouldn't try to call for help from the wardens. He made the mistake of taking his clever away from her neck and letting go of her, but she got ballsy and tried to kill him with a nail gun, resulting in Andrew killing her. Then Ashley came back and started to freak out, saying that Andrew was trying to get in the girls pants (however she came up with that conclusion, Andrew is unsure).

They completed the seance by sacrificing a warden and escaped the apartment complex, finding themselves on the run as wanted felons. It was then when Ashley and Andrew got in a fight and Ashley told Andrew to kill himself, to make it easy for her and the police. Andrew was fed up of running and listening to his sister's idiotic (and borderline psychotic) ideas that he actually did jump (to which Ashley brought him here instead of just letting him bleed out, much to his dismay).

But before all of those events, everything else is blurry. He has no recollection of himself or his family after all the horrid memories trapped in his head.

(Y/N) felt a little unsettled under his very judgmental gaze, remembering that he confessed to killing at least two people (possibly even more).

Is he sizing me up to be his next victim? (Y/N) briefly thought before pushing that thought away. No, he said that they would've starved in their... apartment? What did they mean by that?

As much as she wanted to find out, she didn't really feel like wanting to die either. Her college debt would go to her family, and it'd be too bothersome to die. Too much time wasting on dying (she'd be too impatient to die slowly).

“I’m a student studying nursing, please call me (Y/N) despite the name tag.” (Y/N) smiled.

I'd rather not tell him I'm studying pediatric nursing. I don't want him freaking out or anything since I'm technically out of my field. She thought.

“They couldn’t bring a real nurse or doctor?” Andrew huffed.

Great, if she makes any mistakes, he might have to stay here longer than necessary, and Andrew does not want that.

“Unfortunately, we’re short-staffed at the moment. No one here likes working the night shift.” (Y/N) sighed. “But, luckily for you, I happen to be a very good student. I even dare to say better than some of the other nurses here.” (Y/N) joked, a smile on her face to try and brighten up the murderous aura surrounding Andrew.

Andrew stared at her in silence, unamused.

“Tough crowd…” She muttered. “Alright, let’s get this over with first.” (Y/N) spoke, walking closer to Andrew (whose guard only raised even more at this). “How many fingers am I holding up?” she questioned, holding up two fingers.

“Four.” Andrew huffed, crossing his arms.

“And now?” she questioned, holding up one.

“Two.” Andrew answered.

“Last time.” She commented, holding up two fingers again.

“Four.” Andrew spoke.

“Okay, are you thirsty right now?” (Y/N) questioned.

“I guess…” Andrew muttered.

“Here.” (Y/N) spoke, digging into her medical bag and grabbing the bottle of water she shoved in there from earlier. “Hungry too?”

“No.” Andrew answered, resulting in her placing a bag of pretzels and water on his nightstand.

“They're for later. It’s important not to have them now even though you’re thirsty. Just trust me.” She spoke before continuing her little survey. “Feel any pain anywhere?”

“My legs.” Andrew spoke, pointing out the obvious in a ‘duh’ tone.

“Other than there?” (Y/N) added. “Such as a headache? Behind the eyes?”

“Both.” Andrew answered.

“Have you vomited? Do you feel nauseous at the moment?” (Y/N) questioned.

“Haven’t thrown up, but I feel sick” Andrew admitted.

“Have you or your sister noticed any gaps in your memory? From today to a few months or even more?” (Y/N) asked.

“Yeah, actually…” Andrew muttered.

(Y/N) took a few steps towards him, basically hovering over him.

“What the hell are you doing?” he snapped, but didn’t pull away or shrink from her.

“Calm down. Are your hands clammy?” she questioned.

“A little...” Andrew muttered, not breaking eye contact from her.

She broke the eye contact as her eyes swept through his face, looking at his disheveled black hair and electric green eyes, a beautiful combination, she noted. She also noted how pale his skin was along with the sweat running down it.

“Andrew, open your eyes wide for me, please.” She spoke, reaching into her bag and pulling out a mediscope.

Andrew complied with a little bit of hesitancy, allowing her to watch as his pupils shrunk from the light. She looked closely at his retinas to make sure there was no tear along with the hydration in his eyes. They did seem a little blurry, she noted.

“Open your mouth, please.” She requested.

Andrew sighed but listened as she did. She checked his tonsils, throat lining, tongue coloring, gums, and uvula.

He felt awkward having her do all these procedures and asking all these questions, whether it was her job or not. He wouldn’t deny it, she was pretty, prettier the woman at the apartment complex he murdered.

Wow, nice thinking… Andrew internally scolded himself as he looked away from the girl. Comparing your nurse to a dead girl you killed really isn't a sign of insanity or detachment.

At least he was self-aware?

“And real quick, let me look inside your ears, please.” She requested.

Andrew stood still as she shined the light in his ear, checking through the tiny camera to see if there was any ear infection or something out of the ordinary. Nothing.

“Last thing.” She spoke, placing her mediscope in her bag and switching it for her stethoscope.

“Can I ask why you’re doing this? All these questions and procedures?” Andrew questioned, adverting his eyes from her as she started listening to his heart.

There was a moment of silence as she focused, looking at her watch as she listened to his pulse.

It's 102 beats per minute, a bit quick for his age, but it's not too worrying and it can be easily caused by the stress and trauma of his situation, she noted.

“Are you telling me the other nurses didn’t do all of this to you?” (Y/N) asked as she responded his question from earlier surprised and a little concerned.

“Nope.” Andrew replied lazily.

“Ugh… elders.” (Y/N) muttered quietly, earning a small smile from Andrew (one he quickly hid with a cough as he adverted her gaze). “They’re supposed to check you for any possible illnesses or worsen conditions. I know you came in here because you jumped a three-story building, but it can be linked to serious health concerns. You can develop future problems we can identify and fix right now if we take the time to look.” She explained.

“So what did you discover, doc?” Andrew questioned in a monochrome tone (she wasn’t exactly sure if he was making a joke or being serious or even sarcastic).

“Well, you have internal bleeding.” (Y/N) spoke, not bothering to even try to sugarcoat it or break it to him lightly.

“What? How bad?” Andrew grimaced, afraid of the reaction Ashley would give when she hears this.

“How much blood did you lose when you fell? Were you conscious when you hit the ground?” (Y/N) questioned.

“I mean, I was conscious till I hit the ground. After a couple of minutes I woke up and was in pain, understandably so, until my sister dragged me to a hospital. So I was probably out for five maybe ten minutes.” Andrew explained.

That’s not good, along with all the other symptoms he’s experiencing. She thought to herself.

“How about this. On a scale of 1-10, how much blood did you think you lost?” (Y/N) rephrased.

“Seven, maybe eight.” Andrew huffed. “I don’t really know.”

“No worries. It’s not a big deal. They said you shattered the bones in your legs so you’re going to need surgery for it. Luckily they were able to reposition and place back your ankles.” I explained. “You’ll be bedridden in the hospital for a couple days, then you're going home and being bedridden for six months, minimum.” (Y/N) emphasized the last word to show the most importance to it.

“Fuck... What about the internal bleeding?” Andrew sighed, dreading the lecture Ashley would give him.

"For your severity, you'd need surgery. It'd take a couple weeks for you to heal, but your internal bleeding should be healed by the time you're discharged." (Y/N) explained. “Now, bear with me for a second. I’m going to level your legs and it’s going to hurt.” She spoke as she walked to the tall hospital cabinets, taking three soft and limbless pillows from it.

“Ugh…” Andrew groaned, already dreading that part as she walked back to him.

“Take a deep breath.” She instructed.

She waited for Andrew to audibly breathe in. He did what she requested, his chest and shoulders rising (he ignored the shock of pain that came with it, but she noticed and figured it was due to the internal bleeding).

“Hold it in.” She spoke, then lifted his heavily bandaged legs with one hand (with a bit of struggle) and placed the pillows under him.

She gently rested his legs onto the pillows and looked at Andrew face, seeing his eyebrows furrowed and his fists clenches tightly.

“Breathe, darling. You’re all done.” (Y/N) instructed, letting out a deep breath for him to mimic too in case the pain was too much.

Andrew let go of his breath, regaining control of his lungs after a few manual breaths.

“You did so well, my star! Do you want a sticker?” (Y/N) questioned.

Andrew adverted his eyes from her smile, his face red from what he wants to be because of holding his breath, but it was instead caused by her praise and pet names (or maybe both).

“No…?” Andrew muttered.

“Mm. What color do you want? Gold, pink, blue, red, purple, or gray?” she questioned.

“Why do you have a gray star?” he questioned.

“Good choice!” (Y/N) spoke, rummaging through her bag for her stickers.

She found them and searched for a gray star, finding one and undoing the paper back. She sticked it on Andrew’s chest, clothed with the blue hospital gown.

“Tah-dah! You were my star patient today!” (Y/N) beamed.

“Are you done?” Andrew sighed dully, adverting his eyes to hide his blush.

“Nope! I have to redo your bandages. This’ll also hurt, but I’ll be gentle with you.” (Y/N) explained.

“Hurry up.” Andrew huffed.

“So soon to have me leave, huh?” she sighed jokingly. “Hurts my heart.”

She reached into her bag and grabbed bandages, gauze, and anti-septic cream.

“So, Andrew. Kinda curious, what made you jump?” (Y/N) questioned, remembering her superior's words as she started undoing Andrew’s bandages on his legs.

“Why would you need to know that?” Andrew growled, becoming defensive.

Ah, I pissed him off. But this is important information for his health, murderer or not. (Y/N) thought to herself.

“You know, I tried killing myself too. I was eleven. Failed multiple times. But you had the courage to jump. I didn’t do that.” She explained.

“How’d you try?” Andrew questioned, a spark of curiosity in him.

“I’m not giving you any ideas, mister.” (Y/N) laughed, giving him a playful yet stern expression before switching her gaze to study the stitching on his ankles. “But, I gave up and made an oath to never harm myself in that way again because it really affects the people you care about. Your sister was probably very sad when you jumped.”

At least the surgeons did that good, so no worries there. Luckily the swelling is just from the breakage and replacement of bones, so his stitches aren’t infected. She thought to herself. But let’s add anti-septic cream just to be safe.

"How long ago was that?" Andrew questioned, ignoring her comment about his sister.

"Ten years ago." She hummed.

She must be around the same age as me. Andrew thought.

“Did it get better?” Andrew questioned as (Y/N) applied the cold cream onto his wounds.

The temperature of the medicine barely even got a reaction from Andrew since he was so focused on the conversation they were having.

“At the beginning? Of course not, in fact it spiraled downhill from there. Overtime I started picking myself up and it helped. It helps to surround yourself with people who cared about you. And if you have no one who cares, then learn to care for yourself. Your confidence in yourself will attract others to you.” (Y/N) explained. "We humans need to be there for each other, you know? We're social creatures after all."

“Hm.” Andrew hummed in acknowledgement, not really paying attention to her optimistic speech.

It's not like he had anyone to turn to. He remembers his girlfriend breaking up with him on the phone while he was rotting away in his apartment. Ashley had verbally abused her enough that she didn't want to see him or Ashley anymore. He doesn't have any other family than his parents who rejected him because "he and Ashley were too close and had to learn independence" his mother said on the phone during their last phone calls in quarantine. He's not exactly sure what she meant by it (especially with his memory gone), but so far all Ashley's done is pissed him off these past months he's remembered, so he really doesn't want to see her again anytime soon. He doesn't remember if he has friends or not either.

“Andrew, what do you like to do? What do you do in your free time?” (Y/N) questioned.

Andrew thought about her question. The three months that he remembers, all he did was sleep, starve, and watch TV (all with Ashley). He read books from his parents room out of boredom before losing the energy to even try and keep acting like he was actually remembering the plot—it took too much energy remembering the events that happened in the book.

When Ashley and Andrew did talk to each other during the time, it was to bicker and complain to each other about food and the other’s company (Ashley always started it).

“I don’t have any… None that I remember at least.” Andrew admitted.

“Don’t stress it. Your concussion could be affecting your ability to remember. We’ll find some new hobbies for you.” (Y/N) reassured. “Maybe books, card games, video games? I’ll find something.” She spoke as she redid the bandages on his ankles.

“Why are you even bothering?” Andrew sighed. “After some months I’ll be gone.” He pointed out.

“Yeah, but I wouldn’t want you to be bored the entire time. Personally, I would hate being bedridden with nothing to do.” (Y/N) admitted.

What a sympathetic girl... Andrew thought.

“Whatever…” Andrew muttered, crossing his arms.

“Voilà! Whaddya think?” she questioned.

“It’s tight…” Andrew admitted, it didn't hurt much, but it did feel a bit annoying.

“That’s to keep your ankles in place. Your bandages aren’t bleeding much, so you should be ready for casting. I’ll leave a note for that.” She explained. “Any requests before I go?” (Y/N) questioned.

“You’re leaving?” Andrew questioned, sitting up and straightening his back before cringing at the pain shooting up his legs (and the pathetic tone in his voice).

“Yeah, my shifts almost over...” She paused and checked her watch. “It’s actually been over for 20 minutes now.”

Andrew muttered something under his breath, adverting his eyes as he looked away from her.

“You’re coming back tomorrow, right?” Andrew questioned.

“Ah… I don’t know. I don’t work in this branch, I work with kids in the pediatric branch.” (Y/N) smiled nervously.

I hope I’m not upsetting him. She thought to herself.

She tolerated Andrew’s company, for a man of course. It was surprisingly refreshing and the atmosphere is much more comfortable than it was when she first entered.

Andrew huffed, looking back at her.

“I like you better than the other nurses.” He admitted, crossing his arms and looking away again so she wouldn’t notice his red face.

“Aw. I’m sure you’ll enjoy Penelope tomorrow, she’s a wonderful nurse!” (Y/N) smiled. “I’ll make sure to visit you tomorrow before I leave work and check in on you, make sure you’re still intact and dandy, okay?” she smiled.

It’s like I’m making a promise to a child. She thought to herself.

Her thoughts were backed up by the spark in his eyes as he looked back at the nurse.

“Okay…” he muttered, pushing down the urge to smile.

“I’ll see you later, star!” she smiled, referring to his sticker on his chest. “Door open or closed?” she questioned.

“Closed.” Andrew answered.

“Alrighty! Click the button on the side of your bed if you need a nurse or need to ask something. In an hour you can drink a little bit of the water, but hold off on the pretzels until tomorrow. Make sure you get good sleep! Body’s natural way of healing.” She explained, flashing him a smile. “Goodnight, Andrew.”

She closed the door and took a silent breath in.

That went surprisingly well… She thought to herself.

She walked back to the staff room and unlocked the door, opening it to find Ruby, an old and stern nurse who worked day shift.

“You’re clocking out late.” Ruby gruffed. “Heard they were understaffed tonight.”

“Ah, yes. I had to go to patient 402’s room.” She smiled politely despite it being very draining to.

It's hard acting so happy all the time with her patients and coworkers. She liked work, but her face wasn't friendly, so she had to resort to smiling a lot (as annoying as it was for her).

“The moody patient with the psycho sister? How’d that go?” Ruby questioned.

“How did you know?” (Y/N) questioned, sparing her a glance.

Ruby’s day shift, so she comes in at 7 am and leaves at 7 PM. How would she knows about Andrew? she thought to herself.

“Penelope was in near tears when she clocked out. Told me how closed off the boy was and the sister was screaming and yelling at Penelope, talking about how she’s trying to steal her brother away from her—something like that…” Ruby muttered the last part to herself.

Psycho sister indeed. (Y/N) thought to herself.

“The girl wasn’t in there when I entered. The boy is reserved at first, but if you keep talking to him he’ll respond. Just be patient.” She spoke, shoving her leftover medical supplies into the supply closet.

“I swear, Penelope gets too butt-hurt about these patients. And I don’t understand how you can deal with those kids, snotty and crying all the time.” Ruby complained as (Y/N) snagged a computer seat and sat down, typing up her report on Andrew Graves condition.

“The kids are just scared. Give them a lollipop and it’s like Christmas.” She laughed, straining a smile. “Good talk rubes, but I’m going to head out.”

“See you tomorrow.” Ruby responded lazily.

“See ya. Good luck on your shift.” (Y/N) spoke.

She walked out of the staff room and locked the door behind her, taking the elevator to the first floor. She exited the elevator and walked out of the hospital lobby, walking to the staff parking lot to her car. She grabbed her keys from her scrubs pockets and unlocked her car, opening the door and buckling her seatbelt before driving off.

The drive is longer than she likes from her apartment but at least her thoughts plagued her so she didn’t have to be bored.

A murderer and a cannibal? Not one but two! Should I call the police? I mean, they must have reasons. They were locked in an apartment and resorted to eating their neighbor? Why would they be locked in an apartment? I’m sure if they went to the police they would’ve been understanding, I mean it was life or death and one dead is better than two. What am I thinking? I shouldn’t be thinking that at all, I’m a nurse. (Y/N) thought.

“Ugh…” She groaned.

She made it to her apartment and unlocked her door, opening it and closing it behind her, making sure it was locked before she walked into the kitchen.

I don’t feel like cooking, I don’t have the time for it anyways. She thought, opening her freezer.

She grabbed a quick microwaveable meal and put it in the microwave, setting it at the box’s desired time before walking away and grabbing her computer.

She checked her emails then started her medical essay for pneumonia and bronchitis. The microwave ringed and she grabbed her food and some drink, walking back her to computer and continuing her work while eating.

She finished her dinner and the final touches of her essay before sending it her college professors at her university. She stood up and stretched, walking to the kitchen and cleaning her dirty dishes before going to her room and picking out a nightgown. She walked to her shower and undressed, washing her hair and allowing the water to relax her nerves and sore legs from standing all day.

Check-ups tomorrow should be Rachael Gardener and Joseph Stall. I'll meet a new patient, Lily Wells, since she's switching healthcare. After that, it's walk-in's from there. I'll pay a visit to Andrew thirty minutes before my shift ends and check up on Hailey. (Y/N) thought in her head.

Andrew. He's sure a special case at the moment. Nurses are going to have to keep a watchful eye on him to ensure his condition doesn't worsen or cause any harm to himself or others. (Y/N) thought. Two broken open-fracture ankles and complete fractures in his legs. Just thinking of that pain makes me squirm. She cringed, stopping herself from washing her hair to shake the imaginary chills she created.

Not to mention his internal bleeding from his brain, his concussion from his fall must've caused that. Luckily he doesn't have any other injuries otherwise I'm pretty sure he would've been dead. She thought as she stepped out of the shower, drying her hair and body.

I should find some video games and books to keep him from being bored. I need to get some new books for Hailey to read too, my bookshelf is going dry for her. She thought as she started getting dressed. I'll also do a quick google search of Andrew and Ashley, get some information out of their situation (or at least the most of it).

Andrew woke up and stared out of his window blankly, watching as people walked in and out of the hospital, some in wheelchairs and some in casts. In a while, that'll be him leaving this place.

Or with the pace Ashley wants, tomorrow. Andrew thought, a frustrated huff escaping his mouth.

Who could blame him? He tries to kill himself and all of a sudden he lost basically all of his memory from when he was born to three months ago, that's almost twenty-two years of his life lost in just a flash!

Ashley told me to jump too. I shouldn't have listened to her and her damn rants, it would've caused so much less trouble, but I was going insane listening to her. Andrew thought.

Andrew's been wishing a lot of things lately. He's been wishing he could remember everything about himself, wished he never drank that supposed contaminated water that got him locked in the apartment which got him here in the first place, and wished he could get up and walk out of here.

Ashley visited him earlier. Something in him was happy to see his sister, but dread filled his stomach at seeing her walk into the room.

"Thought you said you weren't ever coming back?" Andrew spoke, recalling what Ashley said yesterday.

"I might've been a bit hasty... and inconsiderate" Ashley huffed, crossing her arms and glaring at Andrew. "I found a hotel nearby. I'm staying there until you get better."

"How will you pay for it?" Andrew questioned.

"Easy! I'll just kill people and take their wallets!" Ashley beamed, getting an glare sent her way.

"Don't do that, idiot. You'll get caught easily without me." Andrew sighed, already finding himself frustrated at their conversation so early in.

"Well, I could stay here! I'll stay in the bathroom when the nurses are in the room. I can keep you company and sleep in the same bed as you as we used to." Ashley teased.

"I have two broken legs, remember?" Andrew pointed out.

"I'll be extra careful." Ashley smiled, as he looked at her unamused. "Hmph! Be that way!" Ashley huffed, giving attitude as she crossed her arms. "Was it lonely without me last night? Did you have any nightmares?" Ashley questioned, her tone teasing with a hint of suggestion.

Nightmares? About what? Andrew thought. And what's with her damn tone?

He paused as he thought about anything the past three months.

"No. Why would I have any nightmares?" Andrew questioned

"Did you hit your head when you fell?" Ashley teased harshly, poking his cheek roughly. "Your nightmares! About that girl we killed back then? What was her name?"

"I don't remember." Andrew admitted. "Wait, we killed someone else?!"

"Wow, you must've actually hit your head hard." Ashley spoke, a little surprised.

"A nurse said I had a concussion and internal bleeding, so my memory isn't sharp at the moment." Andrew explained, still worrying about who else he's killed in his past.

"Ugh. That'll only slow us down..." Ashley sighed. "Would you like to know?"

"Might as well." Andrew sighed.

"You killed that girl when we were young! She had an asthma attack in a box and it was hilarious!" she cackled.

"That doesn't sound funny. She was a kid, wasn't she...?" Andrew murmured.

That nurse, (Y/N), she works in the pediatric branch. I don't think she'd be happy if she heard that. Andrew thought to himself. Why am I caring about her all of a sudden? I think I really need my brain checked out... hopefully by her...

"She had it coming though! She liked you and she was trying to separate the two of us!" Ashley tried to justify, noticing his reaction.

"Whatever you say, Ashley." Andrew sighed.

"I don't like this... I miss you, Andy! We were really close! You didn't need a girlfriend because you had me by your side!" Ashley whined. "It's because of one of these slutty nurses, huh? They're just holes for you to stick your dick into! You don't need them like you need me! I'm all you need!" Ashley started shouting.

Andrew's really starting to think their sibling-ship is bordering to relationship the way Ashley's been acting and saying.

Gross... Andrew thought.

He remembers the downright suggestive comments Ashley spoke in the apartment (and just a few minutes ago), along with the overprotectiveness he's experienced at times with her. Even if, just a bit, if their relationship was that (incest-like), it hasn't gotten physical since he places money that they would've done something while trapped in that apartment for three months. Andrew let out a sigh of relief, glad their relationship hasn't escalated to that point.

So there's still a turning point to get out of that. Andrew thought to himself.

It's simple really, separate from Ashley.

That's all he has to do, but with her co-dependency, it won't make it easy. Unless, all he does is reject Ashley's advances towards stepping-up their relationship and trying to escape the hospital.

"Andy, fucking listen to me!" Ashley shouted into his ear.

Andrew was snapped out of his thoughts as the world around him spun. Ashley was holding his hair and shaking his head back and forth, creating a headache behind his head and eyes.

"Ashley, let go! What part of concussion and internal bleeding didn't you understand?!" Andrew shouted, grabbing her hands as he fought them away from his hair.

He succeeded in pulling her hands away, but she didn't want to let go without locks of hair in her fists.

"I hate you, Andrew! I hate you! You and this stupid hospital and those stupid damn nurses! I hate it I hate it I HATE IT!" she screamed loudly.

The hospital door opened and three nurses came in, their hair disheveled and bun's messy from racing down the hallway.

"Ma'am, calm down. Otherwise I'm going to have to ask you to leave." One of the nurses spoke, their name tag reading Penelope.

"DON'T YOU TELL ME TO CALM DOWN, BITCH!" Ashley screamed at the poor woman, her finger jabbed into the nurse's chest. "I bet it's you! Yeah, you! You're the bitch manipulating my brother! I'll fucking kill you!"

"Ashley!" Andrew sternly shouted, catching her attention long enough for the three nurses to tackle the girl.

Ashley kicked and screamed as they got her, two nurses dragging her by her legs out of the room as the other nurse ran to go call security to escort her out (and keep her out).

Andrew watched as all the women crowded out of his room, a little surprised.

Well, she won't be coming back soon... that was surprisingly easy... Andrew thought to himself. Step one, separate Ashley from me. Complete.

Ten minutes went by and someone stepped into his open-doored hospital room. It was Penelope, the nurse from earlier (and yesterday).

"M-Mr. Graves. Would you allow me to check--?" she was harshly cut off.

"Get the hell out." Andrew growled, glaring at her with his vibrant green eyes.

She nodded and quickly turned around, about to leave before he spoke up.

"Wait." he spoke, effectively stopping the nervous girl as she turned around, fiddling with her hands. "When's that nurse coming back? (Y/N) (L/N)?" Andrew questioned.

"(Y-Y/N)...? I don't know... She's not in our branch." Penelope muttered sheepishly.

"Well, find out!" Andrew snarled. "I refuse to accept treatment from anyone else but her!"

"Okay!" Penelope exclaimed all too quickly (glad to no longer be taking care of Andrew) and ran out of the room.

He really meant it too. Any time a nurse tried to come into his room, he'd shout and throw anything nearby at them. It was a drastic change from yesterday's silence. Some nurses assumed he was scared as potential memories reappeared in his head, or perhaps he needed a higher dose of pain killers. They regretted entering the room after getting hit by pens and notebooks from the nightstands, he even threw his pillow.

"I hate working in this damn branch! Where the hell is (Y/N)?" Ruby shouted in the employee's only room, the elder asking for her help from her inferior.

The first chapter for this is done! This series will also be posted on AO3 and Wattpad! This series won the poll after a close tie, and I'm so glad it did because I was internally rooting for this to win! Don't worry, the other series' will be posted too after this one is completely posted for what I have so far.

Want more Andrew Graves content? Check out the Andrew Graves masterlist!

Inbox is OPEN for questions about the story and new plotlines/ideas, not for request!

Chapters: Current chapter, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, chapter 4, chapter 5, chapter 6, chapter 7, chapter 8, chapter 9 (in the works)

Want to listen to music while reading? Check out the Star Patient's Official Playlists! Multiple different playlists and genres!

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bitchimasnake-sss · 1 year ago

Text

"something been bothering you?" ft. v.sanji!

ft. sanji x fem!reader

set-up: you're pms-ing and sanji knows how to be the perfect boyfriend. sanji headcanons to soothe ur delusional soul bby

warnings: none! very wholesome lol

- jesus, lord, my god, creator of the universe, this man is who you've been dreaming of - the perfect gentleman ever - i don't think at the start he knew any more about this all than luffy but it took only one explanation from your side and he pretty much got it - by "pretty much got it", i mean he did pester you endlessly for a few hours asking questions like "so... wait... you can pee with something in?" - if he didn't look so genuine while asking, you would have almost smacked him for being a disgusting pervert - this man is out here being overprotective thru and thru. "no yn wouldn't help you out, chopper. she's healing." "don'T CHASE LUFFY AROUND THE DECK YN!!!" "zoro i will fight you if you even look at yn-san right now." "not if i fight you first, shit cook." (they both just need a reason to fight tbh) - again, when i say overprotective i mean it. he's constantly worrying, "are you okay?" "do you want something to eat?" "are you sure you're okay?" - it had been one of those days, i mean yeah ofcourse you appreciate his attention but he has been asking you every 5 minutes and it's getting slightly frustrating "yn, are you completely sure you're ok-?" "yes, sanji, im okay" you sigh, tired "you look like something's been bothering you" "yeah, you." - you said it without thinking and immediately regretted it because his face fell so fast and he is immediately apologizing for overstepping his boundaries - oml now you feel bad "i would be in the kitchen then if you need me" he whispers and turns around, walking towards the kitchen "sanji, no, wait" - you hugged him from behind, burying your face against his tailored suit, "im so so so sorry" "don't be" "are you mad at me now?" tears pool at the edge of your eyes and you breath hard against the familiar fabric "of course not, mon chéri" he wraps his hands over yours, "how can i be mad at you?" "are you sure?" "don't cry, my love" he turns around, lifts your head up and gives you a lingering kiss on your forehead, "why would i lie to you?" - after this, he is more mindful about how much he frets over you (it's still a lot but hey, he's trying) - he always comforts you, sharing with you the secret pints of ice-cream he has saved and buys you chocolate whenever he can - cuddles, back massages, head massages, whatever you want, just ask him once and he'd rip the world apart to get it to you - you're his girl, ofcourse he'd do anything and everything for you even if it means he has to give you back rubs all night long - aaaaaah official sanji-simp

luffy's part <3 zoro's part <3

#one piece #one piece x reader #sanji x reader #vinsmoke sanji x reader #vinsmoke sanji #sanji headcanons #one piece sanji #one piece headcanons #one piece x you #zoro x reader #luffy x reader #monster trio

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millyhelp · 11 months ago

Note

LISTEN TO ME---

"You're the biggest booty on this ship. Surrender peaceably and I will give you quarter, doll."

HELP ME PIRATE JASON IS SJFNSMFKIXNCLSLF----

AAAAAAH YOU GAVE ME AN IDEA

You were on a trip on a friend's boat. you were going to the Caribbean, the trip seemed very peaceful.

When sunset was almost happening, you went down to your room to go to sleep, but as soon as you were in your room, some noises caught your attention. Breaking glass, sounds of gunshots, male screams. what was happening?

Your door was opened aggressively and scared you. You screamed and grabbed your friend's sword that was on the dresser.

"Wow, wow, wow..." A deep, soft voice spoke and you pointed the sword at him. “Calm down, I’m not going to hurt you unless you ask me to” he gave an amused laugh and you frowned.

You continued looking at him, tall body, broad shoulders, thick thighs, white blouse with the front open, black pants that hugged him, black hat, and a belt with a red buckle with a skull in the middle. He is a pirate!

"Who are you?!" for the first time you were able to say "What you want with me?!"

"I'm here to borrow some things..." Jason's eyes flew over your body. You are beautiful and you were wearing a dress to sleep that was almost transparent. "Put the sword down, doll." he said softly.

"What did you do to my friends?!" Jason took a few steps towards him, the light finally reflecting off his face.

Bright blue eyes, a perfect chin, sun-kissed skin, an eye patch over his left eye that covered a scar. This man was a dream.

"My men probably killed them." he shrugged "You better surrender, I don't want to have to force you, doll." He smirked.

"You killed my friends?!" Your eyes widened.

"Me? No... My men did that." He shook his head and started to approach you, "They're a little hard to control, but don't worry, I won't let them hurt you."

"Take what you want, but leave me alone" your voice shook and with ease he took the sword from your hand and you gasped.

"Now I want you." he smiled and pulled you towards him and your chests collided. He smelled of freshly cut wood and salt water. "We're going to sink this boat. Don't do anything reckless, doll."

"Please don't hurt me..." your eyes filled with tears.

"Shh. I won't hurt you, okay?" He kissed your forehead "Change the dress. I will take you with me. I'll be right back, I won't let anyone in."

He left and left her alone and confused.

what was happening?...

Part 2?...

#jason todd #millyhelp thoughts~#jason todd smut #jason todd oneshot #red hood smut #red hood x reader #jason todd x reader #jason todd headcanon #millyhelp asks~#pirate!jason todd

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lokischocolatefountain · 2 years ago

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Hurt and Protect

Fandom: The Last of Us (HBO)

Pairing: Joel Miller x Reader

Rating: 18+ (Warnings: violence, bloodshed, Joel being a murderer, dub-con, mentions of drug use, choking, public nudity, sex in public, exhibitionism, slapping, hitting, moneyshot.)

Word count: 2.3k words

Summary: In a world where politeness wasn’t part of trade, it helped to have someone like Joel Miller as your protector. But to be his to protect also meant being his to hurt.

A/N: This is my first attempt at second person pov. I think this is the worst thing I have written in terms of things that will get me a VIP pass into hell. There is so much shit here like damn. So, please read the warnings above for anything that you might not like. I’m ashamed and will need 15-20 business days to recover from my shame. I hope it’s worth it lol

“Throw in your bitch and I’ll get you those 50 extra pills.”

As far as last words went, that was…unique. You stood aside, unable to do anything but watch as Joel pummeled the guy with his fist. Although, you had to say you wouldn’t stop him if you were able. The man’s trade offer angered you enough that you would have shot him yourself. But it wasn’t wise to kill your suppliers.

Watching Joel beat him up was an entirely different thing. It felt good to have a protector, an attack dog who would pounce at any threats to you even if you were perfectly capable of defending yourself. It must be why Tess kept him around. She pointed in a direction and he walked, she identified a guy and he killed. And now he was doing something similar for you. You hadn’t asked, but Jesus he was doing it just for you.

He was a sight when filled with rage. You had nothing else to compare it to of course. Rage was one of the only things decorating his features other than agony, shame and emptiness. You licked your lips as he grunted from the effort as his fist connected with the man’s head. The man’s screaming had quietened a while ago, but he didn’t stop. Jaw clenched, teeth gritted and face splattered with blood, he continued, pouring out every bit of fire he had in his eyes into the man.

As though it wasn’t enough, he retrieved his knife from its sheath and stabbed it through the man’s chest. The blade went in easily and it was then that he finally looked up from his victim and at you. Rage transformed into something else, something still dangerous but somehow sexier, you realized as you found your hand reaching between your jeans. You rubbed yourself through your thick jeans, the stitches joining the fabric in the middle seated perfectly to get some traction.

On Joel’s other side stood the man’s friend— no, associate. There were no friends in this world. He took a few steps back when Joel’s attention turned to him. But he didn’t run, seemingly frozen in place by the sheer power of Joel’s fury. There was nowhere to run, nowhere to hide when Joel Miller had his sights on you. It was as good as a bullet in your skull to just be targeted by him.

A crowd began forming around you, watching in morbid fascination the murder of two men. It only made you rub faster, your eyes trained on how he caught the guy by his collar and slammed him against the wall. You felt a sick jealousy growing inside you. You wanted him to do that to you, to slam you against a wall and hurt you in front of a crowd. You would beg for it if he asked you to.

The man who'd made it a habit to eye you like a piece of meat ever since you’d started trading with him looked at you. You smiled, relishing in the fear in his eyes. The number of times you’ve had to stay awake with a gun in your hand in your own apartment because you feared men like him and what they wanted to do… It was nothing short of bliss to see one of those men tremble in fear like you did, waking up from nightmares of what they promised they would do to you. “Please, please. I’m sorry— ask him to stop, plea—aaaaaah!” his begging turned into screaming as Joel’s bloodied fist connected with his face.

Joel looked towards you and smiled a sinister smile and you mewled as though it were his hands instead of his eyes touching you. His knee connected to the man’s crotch and he screamed for his god and his mother, neither alive to stop the atrocity. There was only man and the horrors he was capable of when society collapsed.

Joel’s eyes never left you as you touched yourself. He knew what his violence did to you and he was going to make every motherfucker that dared to ask for you a victim in his hunger to see what the world had done to you.

This wasn’t you before everything. You’d dated nice men who opened the door and pulled out your chair and were instantly loved by your family. Now… You wanted the likes of Joel who killed men with his bare fists for you, who would watch as you touched yourself to his violence in front of a crowd of your neighbors.

Joel pulled the half-conscious man off the wall by his shirt and slammed him back on it. Hard. The man let out a pitiful whine that was overpowered by Joel’s grunts and groans. As the man hit the wall again, Joel’s large hand around his throat, you moaned your protector’s name. He palmed his growing cock through his jeans, his lustful eyes set on you before he bent down to pull his knife out of his first victim. A little gasp was all that was heard when the blade pierced through the man’s jugular.

He pulled the knife out of the dead flesh, the blade and the handle now both a dark red from the lives it had taken. He pointed the knife at you and spoke, panting from his efforts, “Strip.”

You obeyed.

From the corner of your eyes, you could see a few people shuffling away. Parents with kids mainly. It was funny how they would watch men being murdered with their kids like it was the morning cartoon but this was where they drew the line.

You shook as you pulled your boots off and then your jeans and panties. Joel unzipped his jeans and pulled his cock out, making no effort to take his clothes off. With your jacket, shirt and ratty bra joining the pile of clothes, you were completely naked for Joel and the Boston QZ. A few heads peeked out of windows in nearby buildings, their curiosity piqued by the noise.

He approached you, his blood soaked hand going directly to your cunt. Two large fingers pushed in without any warning and you whined at the sudden intrusion. You clenched around him, pulling him to you as though he was what you needed to be alive. Like he was air. Like he was water.

Joel was a man of few words and that didn’t change when he fucked. He wiped the bloody knife on your skin with practiced motions, careful not to cut you. Although you wouldn't have complained if he drew blood. He could take everything he wanted from you and you would beg him to take more, to take and take and leave you empty for him to fill you up with his needs and desires, for him to mold you into anything he wanted.

You found yourself on the floor, debris poking into your back as he hovered over you. The dead men lied on either side of you but you had eyes only for Joel, for his hunger and his lust. You moaned his name as he entered you with force, giving you no warnings to prepare for his length. You cried as you burned from how he stretched you out. You attempted to kick your legs, but his weight atop you meant that you couldn’t move an inch. You were truly trapped underneath him, your fate entirely in his hands.

You were fully willing, yet he brought the knife to your neck. He placed the sharp edge of the blade at the base of your throat and you should’ve cried but you moaned his name. You were immobile underneath him, doing nothing to further your own pleasure or his. You just laid there, a cunt in place of his fist as he rutted into you. The sounds that slipped out of your lips were not your own, we’re not even human. But he seemed to like it, pounding you in the exact same angle that made you cry so.

Images of him punching the men entered your mind and you clenched around his cock. “Hit me,” you begged. “Plea—” your cheeks stung and your head turned to the other side as he slapped you. You didn’t have to ask again. His hand struck your cheek again and again and— it burned and it hurt so good and he must’ve known from the way you tightened around him that you needed it. Needed to be violated on the streets surrounded by strangers, friends and the men he’d killed in your name.

Sounds of his quick breaths filled your ears and it had your mind reeling. It shouldn’t be possible for just the sounds of someone’s breaths to fill you up with such intense lust. But this was Joel. And it was beginning to make sense. The reason for your sickening need for the violent man. The sounds of his breaths were the same as the ones when he killed and tortured. His sounds in moments of passion— both carnal and animal were the same…

His hand came around your throat and squeezed hard. More blood on your skin. Wherever he touched, he left evidence of what he was capable of. There was no technique, no care for your safety as his hand squeezed and relaxed at a pace most pleasurable for him. Just what he wanted and how your cunt tightened around him when you struggled to breathe. If you had to breathe your last breath because it made his dick feel good for a moment, it wouldn’t bother him. It didn’t surprise you that you were unbothered by it.

His hand around your throat felt just as good as the heroin he injected into your veins to help you sleep— part of your payment for accompanying him on dangerous trips out of the QZ, trips that didn’t necessitate someone as strong as Tess. Your moan combined with the lewd squelching of your cunt around Joel’s cock.

Your legs kicked out, the gravel and stones scratching, diggin in, drawing blood. You became lost in the feeling of it all- the euphoric sensation of his hand around your throat, the stretch of your cunt around his cock, the safety of being Joel Miller’s, the knowledge that everyone in Boston now knew what you were. It all became too much to bear, pushing you over as you found a high you would forever chase in drugs only to realize that he was the only one who could provide it to you. It was the moment he made you his, whether or not he wanted to own you.

His hand left your throat in search of the next piece of your flesh he could use for himself as you gasped, drawing in every bit of air that you could. His hand found your tits, alternating abuses between the two as he pinched, slapped and mauled the flesh. His hands wrapped around your tits, using them for purchase as he pounded into you, the force pressing you hard against the ground.

The world returned around you as the haze of your orgasm dissipated to provide some clarity. More men were left in the crowd than women. Some had their hands on their crotch as they used your humiliation to satiate their needs. If Joel wasn’t occupied with you, those men would lose their hands. Potentially more. It should scare you, the eyes of so many men, many with the worst intentions, pleasuring themselves to your body. But it didn’t. It was now well established that you were Joel’s. There didn’t need to be a label of friend, fuckbuddy or girlfriend to give you the protection that belonging to such a man did. You would not be spoken to rudely again. You wouldn’t have to fear late night knocks on your apartment door. Not even a fool would ask for his use of your body as a tool in negotiation.

Joel pulled out of you, leaving you clenching around nothing at the loss of him. In the few minutes he had filled you up, he’d made your body forget what it was like to not be wrapped around him. His loss felt like the withdrawal between periods of finding the drugs you needed. You cried his name and your fingernails lodged themselves in his back as you attempted to push him back on yourself. But he moved up your body, stopping with his cock over your face. You gasped at the sight of his length coated in your slick, shocked that you’d been able to take all of him. He pumped his cock a few times before he came, spurting ropes of his cum. The red on your face mixed with his release.

It only took him seconds to recover. He tucked himself back in and zipped his jeans up, restoring his dignity as you laid bare for the city to watch. He collected his equipment from around the ruins of you and the men he killed for you- guns, knife and both your backpacks. He bent over and grabbed you, pulling you to your feet by the strength of just one arm.

You stumbled, but he grabbed you by your hair before you fell. Doors and windows shut as realization dawned on the residents of the Boston QZ that their heads would roll if Joel’s thirst for blood hadn’t been satiated for the day. The crowd began to disperse. The audience ran in the opposite direction as Joel paraded you through the streets, on full display for anyone who thought they could speak to you the way the men had spoken. It was a warning— this is mine and mine only.

His to hurt. His to protect.

Read more of my Pedro Pascal character fics

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nenynrawrites · 23 days ago

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This will be a very huge post, but you'll love it!! Ah, where do I start...

So, the concert tickets were a gift from my mother for my 20th birthday this year back in April, after I had seen on one hand, that Duff brought out a new record AND did an european tour. I sent her a screenshot of the ticket price after I checked, seeing that it only costs CHF 58.-, which nowadays, is basically nothing.

Cue the day and I'm HYPED!!!! I knew it was going yo be completely else than when I saw him with Guns n Roses last year, because we all know what a softie he is, but also how serious he can be if he needs to be.

James and the Cold Gun: A welsh band that opens for him on the whole european tour and that ROCKED! They played one of their most recent songs called ,,Fragile" (I'll link it) and it was just awesome! The singer had a beautiful voice, their bassist was a beautiful woman that played so nicely, their guitarist reminded me of a young Jerry Cantrell with his hair and the way he played, and their drummer put so much strength into playing his drums, I thought they would break xD

Duff and his band: Once again, they ROCKED, and seeing Duff just enjoy the crowd, entertaining them, haaaa, it was beautiful!! Now, his drummer had some feeling that was just *chef's kiss*, the bassist was sweet, the rhythm guitarist / keyboardist and the lead guitarist were great, and I loved their hats:>

Best thing about this was the fact that where me and my mom stood, which was a ledge you could walk up to, the bands didn't even see us until the light tech turned the lights up to us, and the reactions were so cute, haha^_^

And an extra best thing: The whole crowd was called ,,the best crowd ever" by both James Joseph (the lead singer of James and the Cold Gun) and Duff himself, so I felt very honoured to be part of it😌❤️

Also: I MET MY FIRST ROCKER THERE!!!! So, it was the lead singer James Joseph, 'cause I thought I'd snatch one of their shirts, too. And we were talking, he was wearing a Facelift crop top which looked great, he asked me about my name and even SHOOK MY HAND TWO TIMES!!! before I went on my way and sadly realized too late to ask for a picture, but I was too nervous, I guess. Well, I know they're on a north american tour next, after the european one with Duff, so we'll see if I can get to see them next year and get a picture, too!

In the end I walked away with a shirt from Duff and his Lighthouse LP and a shirt from James and the Cold Gun and a very happy thing to obsess over for the rest of the year:]

Also, I made quick eye comtact with Duff and got a smile AAAAAAH-

Also the link to Fragile

Anyways, here are the pictures and videos:)

#nenynra talks #guns n roses #duff mckagan #james and the cold gun #lighthouse tour #concert posts

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lonewolflupe · 2 months ago

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Full Moons

Aaaaaah so this is finally done!! I had this envisioned as soon as I came across the first announcement for @pinahallowsevecloneparty. It's not perfect but with my humble digital art skills, I'm really happy how it turned out! I know Wolffe would be a more obvious choice for this, but I can totally see Hunter as a Werewolf. Also I should have added the bandana, but I couldn't get it right on the wolf. Better luck next time.

Alright, stills and uncensored remarks below the cut (:

Uncensored remarks (I'm not holding back here):

First of all and most importantly: CLONE TIDDIES

Secondly, kriff me

I spent a normal amount of time on this piece. NO I DIDN'T, please, next time I come up with an idea like this, please PLEASE restrain me until I manage to buy myself proper digital drawing equipment (drawing with a mouse is so SO time-consuming and my wrist hates me)

Whaaaaat, your girl Lupe drew HANDS? Hands not looking like abonimations? How did this happen? (Answer: I used references)

Speaking about using references: searching for bare-chested male body anatomy references was a pleasure, hehe (I might frame the sketches I did for this piece, for er- for research/anatomy improvement purposes of course)

Please don't ask why the pubic hair looks like a kriffing Christmas tree (I've never drawn pubic hair before, but it looks more like a Christmas tree than whenever I try drawing a Christmas tree)

Listening to Powerwolf 24/7 really helps you visualising werewolves (like, I see them everywhere now; am I surrounded?)

Also thanks to @tentakelspektakel I used the lasso tool for the first time (to draw the clouds and the trees), THANK YOU it was a lifesaver!

Alright, now this is done, I can focus on writing again (:

#i am normal about this #star wars art #clone wars art #tcw #bad batch art #tbb #tbb hunter #sergeant hunter #ct 9901 #werewolf hunter #werewolf #halloween #halloween event #halloween clone event #clone event #lonewolflupe #lonewolflupe draws #lonewolflupe drools

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bloopitynoot · 2 days ago

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Reading SVSSS: Bonus- Chapter 32

For those who don't know, I am reading SVSSS for the first time and sharing my thoughts!

If you have not read it, there will be spoilers! Consider this a warning.

Also- if you want to follow along, I am aiming to post updates daily. You can find all the posts in the tag bloopitynoot reads SVSSS. You can also check out the intro post for context on my read.

Yes it is 8 am and yes I am eating chicken gnocchi soup for breakfast. I stand that soup is and always will be a breakfast food.

No hot drinks today! This wedding required a feast :'3

I can't believe this is it! The series finale if you will.

I have been waiting 32 chapters for this moment. at last!!!

This man (SQQ) has been sleeping with this other man for what- months(?) years(?) at this point and he is STILL over here totally bewildered at the fact that LBH does not want to marry a woman. p355

This is kind of sweet though. I'm so glad Cang Qiong Mountain sect has embraced these two absolute weirdos. I love that they can visit now! It warms my romantic heart that they can travel for a while and then come "home" for a time. p355

omg these two are so embarrassing. The way in which LBH is asking him to marry him is so awkward. p359

oh no, now I feel like an asshole because LBH was SO NERVOUS the days leading up to him asking. (granted totally fair with how SQQ acts towards him/about their relationship- I too would not know if he wanted to actually marry me or not in this situation). I just want to pinch LBH's cheeks though, why is he so cute. p360

aaaaaah- this is so cute. SQQ being actually happy about him asking instead of trying to gaslight himself and side step his feelings or "reluctantly" agreeing to marry LBH pp360-361

my heaaaaaaaart LBH's confession pp362-363

The fact that LBH had wedding outfits ready. I need to know two things; 1. where/how did he get them and 2. how long has he had them and had this planned. p363

I truly don't know if MXTX has written a tender sex scene. Why does it always have to be a little traumatic? Granted I have only read SVSSS and MDZS BUT both of these series have either uncomfortable (SVSSS) or just have freak4freak energy (MDZS-but I will take this over crying and bleeding) there's never something soft and lubed. I hope that TGCH has something (no spoilers pls) but my bar is so low. (okay but wangxian was fine for the most part- they just were also dry and mutually unhinged). pp366-367

NO LOL the wife-ing of SQQ. p370

Okay okay- the ending was so sweet. The little shy embarrassed SQQ calling Binghe husband and him pretending not to hear. My headcanon is that eventually over time SQQ feels less and less embarrassed, works through his internalized homophobia, and learns to say what he actually feels more often. Even without my hopes and dreams, I still think this ending was such good character growth for SQQ.

Holy shit we did it!

Thank you to everyone who joined me on this reading journey. It has been so fun getting to read the books along with you and talk about the experience.

I am a little bit sad that it is over :'3

I do however, now have a pile of fanfic to start working through and am so stoked to continue this journey via fan works. Thank you, thank you to everyone who sent me fics to read!!

In terms of what is next- I will likely spend some time reading SVSSS fanfic- if I get to a point where like Wangxian, I have hundreds of fics in my collection, I may start recing Bingqiu!

BUT in terms of danmei, I am hoping to read TGCF next and round out my MXTX collection (likely end of December start)!

This has been such an amazing experience that I will continue to live blog future danmei series :)

Thank you thank you again!

#bloopitynoot reads svsss #svsss spoilers #mxtx svsss #svsss #scum villans self saving system #scum villain #mxtx #I cant believe it's over!#this has been so fun #tgcf next #I will be live blogging again

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phoenix-bleh · 8 months ago

Note

I hope your requests open again soon because reading this:

https://www.tumblr.com/phoenix-bleh/744341108818165760/ouuguhhhh-butter-roll-headcannons-please-i-need?source=share

Gave me an idea for the most adorable casual kidnapping ever....heck I'll share it now before I forget, that way it can be here chilling in your inbox for when your requests reopen or idk but hope you like it!

Just...butter roll either working via looking through papers or idk and reader just casually walks up to him...hugs him and nuzzles him before grabbing his hand and just....casually walking off with him. Like y/n is like 'I love you...come on, you're coming with me'. Like very sweet and casual. Lol! That's how y/n could 'kidnap him'..

Bonus:

Two ideas of possible responses my mind came up with buuut wanna see your actual one but just sharing for funsies!!

Butter roll: aaaaaah....I'm being kidnapped...

*says it in a calm voice...but gives hand a squeeze as a sign of 'I love you.'*

Butter roll: oh! My favorite type of kidnapping! So where are we going, my scientific wonder? Restaurant? Home? I can't wait!

*little smooch for y/n.*

OOOO WHAT GOOD IDEA

ok so I thought it might go something like this-

Butter Roll just casually checking his papers and writing down notes of anything really.

Then you come in and you give him a hug from behind. He looks behind him to see you “Oh hello y/n! do you need something?” he asked you. You look up at him and nodded with a big old smile on your face

“Mhm! i’m here to take you away!” you grab his arm and started pulling him with you “You’re coming with me!”

Now it would be funny if you just straight up told him you were kidnapping him and he’d be like oh ok well this is happening!

Or he’d be like awww am i your first victim oh im flattered and he just comes along with you.

obviously you don’t plan on doing anything bad with him just taking him somewhere….but you love him so it’s ok<3

Mostly thinks you’re too sweet to kidnap but you’re testing your skills on HIM?? he’s honored. He feels appreciated you’re thinking about him.

“Oh! where are we going? Well whatever it is I’m sure it’s gonna be so much fun!”

If you don’t tell him you’re trying to kidnap him he’d just grab onto your hand as well and assume you’re taking him somewhere or just trying to show him something.

You take him to your basement and he’s looking at you confused and you’re looking at him with a grin on your face. He slowly turns to your basement with a disturbed look on his face.

and then he realizing what’s happening….

“OH! you want to have a sleepover! oh what fun!”

#cookie run kingdom #crk #crk x reader #cookie run kingdom x reader #butter roll cookie x reader #butter roll cookie

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captainnameless · 3 months ago

Note

Could you bring something about the McLaren babies and Danny, pleeeeaase?

aaaaaah! i’m trying to keep my thoughts to myself cause i still need to write/finish chapter 2 of Twins & Tantrums so i can’t be spilling too much of the creative juice

but,

since you asked so nicely.

a lil something.

“Work with me here, bub.” Daniel says, squeezing Lando’s ankle as he tries to wrangle his foot into his shoe.

“Oscar,” Daniel says, gentle warning in his voice. “Sit your bum down, we’re almost ready to go.”

Oscar gives him a sheepish smile, shuffling back from where he’d almost gotten off of the storage box that Daniel has him perched on, Lando on a similar one as Daniel struggles with the tight laces.

Daniel can’t blame the youngest member of their little party for having the wiggles, he knew the stroopwafels, or the sugar in them, were going to catch up with him eventually, but he really does not want to be chasing down any of the boys after such a long day and Oscar can be a bit of a wanderer.

“How’s your tongue, buddy?” Daniel asks as he finally figures the laces out, catches Lando’s eyes as he forces a pout. Lando had burned his tongue on a stroopwafel earlier today, and while Daniel doesn’t like seeing him hurt, he selfishly was glad knowing that would put Lando off the sweet treat for today at least which meant he only had one potential sugared up child to deal with.

“Still hurt.” Lando says, sticking out his tongue. “See?”

“I can see buddy, Danny’ll get you a juice in the car, ok? That’ll feel nice.”

Lando nods and takes Daniel’s outstretched hand as he hops off the box, turning to wait for Oscar who doesn’t need prompting.

The boys race to the car, which is good for Daniel cause it burns off a little more of their energy.

There’s a debate over who got to the car first and won that Daniel ignores as he gets out a juicebox for the both of them, and the water wipes. It’s a bit of a drive as they’re staying outside of Zandvoort and Daniel figures if the boys fall asleep their thumbs might finds their mouths.

“Hand, please.” Daniel hums as Oscar offers up his hands, giggles as Daniel gets in between his fingers but squirms away when a new wipe attacks his face as well.

“All done,” Daniel soothes before offering Oscar his juice box. “Peace offering.”

He repeats the same routine on Lando before getting in the car.

Surprisingly, no one falls asleep, though Lando’s got his thumb in his mouth the second he finishes his juice box.

Daniel has to whistle Oscar to a standstill when he takes off in a sprint towards the hotel, coming to a halt a couple feet away from Daniel. “No running in the lobby, Osc. And please wait on your brother and me.”

Oscar groans dramatically and bounces in place as Lando gets out, visibly less energetic. “Go hold Oscars hand please.” Daniel instructs while he goes for their bags.

They take the stairs instead of the elevator, Oscars gets a green light for sprinting up them and it seems to have done its job because he’s heaving when Daniel and Lando catch up to him.

Daniel’d pre booked their dinner, so it shows up to the suite almost immediately which helps settle the boys and the promise of one episode of Trash Truck before bed if they shower quickly helps that process tremendously too.

Lando’s out 6 minutes into the episode, so Daniel makes a mental note to remember since he knows Lando’ll have something to say about missing it tomorrow and wanting to still watch it.

Oscar’s still awake when the outro plays but there’s not much fight left in him as Daniel brushes through his hair and gently brushes his finger over the bridge of Oscar’s nose watching his eyes flutter close.

“Good night, buddy.” Daniel breathes, watching Oscar squirm over onto his stomach, mumbling his goodnight into the pillow.

#littlef1adventures #lf1a.minific

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dana4957 · 4 months ago

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BNHA (Bakugo x reader)

Bakugo and reader, childhood best friends

First part

We were halfway through our first year at UA. It was night and I was in my room. It was about 3 in the morning and I assumed everyone was asleep, so I started touching myself. I put music on my headphones to distract myself from the noises of the street. Just then Katsuki walks through the door, I didn't realize, I had my eyes closed and the music was so loud that I felt in my own world. Bakugo noticed what I was doing once inside my room and the only thing he could do was slam the door, so hard that it caught my attention.

-Shit!- I said, closing my legs trying to hide what I was doing.

He just looked at me, all red, without being able to say anything.

-How long were you there dammit?!- -I'm sorry, I just came here- he responded -Why wouldn't you knock first, stupid- -I did, I did knock, I guess you were too focused on other things- -Aaaaaah!- I responded, embarrassed, covering my face with both hands and pressing my knees together.

Katsuki slowly walked over and sat on the edge of the bed.

-Were you-Were you thinking about me?- he asked. -What?- I responded confused, lowering my hands a little, leaving my eyes uncovered. -Were you or not?- -I'm sorry, I think my English is playing with me- I added, stunned. -It's not, I'm being serious-

I just looked at him nervously, without saying anything.

-Can I help?- -Okay, now you are just fucking with me- -I'm not-

Katsuki settled down, sitting across from me. He grabbed my hands and lowered them away from my face.

-I'm being serious, you are incredibly sexy, I wanted to do this for a long time-

I looked into his eyes, feeling my face heat up and my cheeks redden. But he wasn't making eye contact with me, his eyes were roaming my body. He rested one of his hands on my knee and applied a little force to the side, prompting me to open my legs. I did, leaving myself completely exposed. I saw how his face turned red as he moved his hand and rested his thumb on my clit and began to rub it with it. I did nothing but moan slightly and put my head back, avoiding his gaze. I gasped as I felt his fingers enter me. We continue like this for 5 minutes. I moaned with every movement and he just sighed. Just then I feel him move and rest his head on my neck. He began to kiss it with desire. He raised his left hand up my shirt, caressing my breasts, I separated him from me and took off my shirt. He began to lick my breasts while his right hand was still on my crotch, I took his head with my hand in his hair, pushing him towards me. Until I felt him walk away. He began to lower his head and move his body backwards. I felt his lips running down my legs, kissing my thighs. He got to my “zone” and started kissing it. Moving his fingers inside me while he caressed me with his mouth.

"Faster," I moaned.

He heeded my request and increased his speed. I was pulling his hair, feeling myself getting closer to an orgasm.

-Am I doing it right?- he whispered. -Yes-

I wrapped my legs around his head and pulled him towards me.

-I'm on my limit, fuck! I'm gonna come Kats- -Do it love- -Please Kats, fuck, faster-

I let out a big sigh once I finished. Bakugo regained his composure, his breathing almost as labored as mine. I noticed a bulge in his pants.

-Kats?- I said between sighs. -Yeah?- -I have a pack of condoms in my drawer-

I noticed how he tried to hide his surprise

-Really?- -Yes, I think so, my brother gave it to me the day we moved here- -I'm not talking about that, stupid, I'm asking if you really want that- -I mean, if you aren't ready or you just don't want, it's okay- -Oh no, I want, I'm ready- -Then get it-

Katsuki quickly stood up and walked towards my drawer, he rummaged through things a little, until he pulled out the small box. He went back to the position he was in before and took one out, as he was opening it I interrupted him.

-Do you know how to put it? right- -Of course I know, who do you think I am?- -I'm sorry mister expert- I responded sarcastically.

Katsuki pulled down his pants followed by his boxers, I looked away blushing.

-Nervous?- -Please- I responded rolling my eyes.

We both lay down, with him on top of me.

#bnha #bakugou x reader #bakugou katsuki #katsuki bakugo x reader #bnha x reader #mha scenario #bnha scenario #bakugo scenario #katsukibakugou #bnha bakugou #katsuki x you #katsuki bakugo #katsuki bakugo my hero academia #katsuki x y/n

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switchbladedreamz · 2 years ago

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Beautiful Gothic Cowgirl.

Ryan (last name unknown) x fem!Dutton/Goth!reader fluff :).

Requested? Nah

Warnings? Slight season 5 spoilers, quick mention of miscarriage, slight angst too.

Summary: Your family keeps making jokes about Ryan and you getting married.

The sun streams through the window between the blackout curtains decorated with the phases of the moon. Throwing off my thick black comforter, I get out of bed and head the bathroom connected to my room. A knock sounds at the door while I'm picking my clothes out for the day. A cute black sundress with mesh sleeves, platform demonias with chains and some white and black striped thigh highs. I open my door to be greeted with the lovely smiling face of my boyfriend. "Good morning baby, nice pj's." He smiles, pointing at the oversized shirt of his I stole, pushing past me into my room. "Thank you, it was ethically sourced also how did you get in?" "Ethically sourced my ass, you stole it but you look good in my clothes so you can keep it. Gator let me in, what can I say I missed my girl. My bunk gets lonely". I giggle and pull him into a hug. "Well since you missed me so much, wait here while I shower and I'll let you watch me get ready."

"Nooooo baaaaaabe. Why can't I shower with you?" He crosses his arms and pouts. "Awe baby don't be pouty, aren't you a big bad cattleman and ATF agent? Branded men don't pout Ryan. Besides, dad and I are meeting for breakfast at the country club to discuss plans for my cabin. Which yes, I would love for you to join us." I straddle his lap and cross my arms at his nape, kissing his forehead. "Besides, if you shower with me I'll have to shower a second time." He laughs as I close the bathroom door rebuting with a loud "you didn't mind last week".

10 minutes later, Ryan is asleep on my bed. His boots on the floor and hat discarded on my nightstand. Quickly getting dressed then I do my makeup, adding some fun spiderwebs droping from my winged eyeliner. "You look- "FUCK" I accidentally scream loudly. "You scared the shit out of me". ".. good, let's go eat" he finishes his sentence. "Sorry?" "It's fine, just easily startled." He puts his boots back on and his hat. He holds his hand out to me, I go to take it but he sweeps me into his arms and carries me bridal style down the stairs. "what are you doin?" I ask him, looking at him like he's grown a second head. "Just practicing" he smiles cheekily and kisses my cheek. "Ryan quit actin like an ass." Rip hollers from the end of the stairs. "Oh hush, it's cute. Besides, you're just jealous you didn't think to do so first my love." Beth bites back. "Daddy called and he wants me to join you both at the club but for Governor business." We all head outside and load up into one of the ranch's trucks. Rip drives with Beth in front with Ryan and I in the back. "So Ryan, when were you thinking of popping the question because (Y/n) won't take just any ring, especially one that looks like something a "country gal" would wear." Ryan goes to interject but he's cut off by my sister. "So I'm thinking a gunmetal grey band with a black tone surrounded by tiny emeralds besides, I mean you've been dating for two years, I think it's time ." "Aaaaaah lalalalala Beth, stop. We haven't talked about it. You're 100% correct in the ring but I want it to be a surprise!" She shoots Ryan a wink and turns back in her seat. Rip is chuckling to himself while Ryan laces his fingers through mine and holds my hand. His smile is breathtaking. The love in his eyes fills me with warmth. He kisses the back of my hand and mouths "i love you". I respond by kissing the back of his own hand. "Good luck, man." Rip, still chuckling, says to Ryan. A rare smile on my brother in law's face, rare since it isn't directed at my older sister.

We're gathered at the table, then Kayce and his family walk through the doors. Kayce speaks as he is seated, "So. Ryan, I wanted to ask you. Will you be moving in with (Y/n)? I mean it has been two years since y'all started datin man." He clears his throat and adjusts his seat, he looks to me for reassurance, I squeeze his hand I'm holding under the table. "If you and your family allow it, it is what we planned to do, yes." Then dad looks to me "There is no allow, all my children do what they want despite any protest they might hear. And he makes you happy sweetheart?" "Yes he does, very much." A blush spreads across my boyfriend's face. Out of the corner of my eye Beth's shoulders shake, she's trying to hold back her laughter at poor Ryan's blush. I shake my head, my own shoulders rolling with my giggles. "Oh daddy, don't forget what we discussed about their house warming party". I go to interject, my mouth open as dad holds his hand up to stop me. "You're gettin one honey. Beth will help you decorate the cabin how ever you want. Rip I want you today to tell the other hands Ryan is moving out of the bunkhouse." "Yes sir I will. I'll have the guys help y'all move in too, (Y/n/n). It'll be my wedding present." He chuckles again, like in the truck. Ryan's face is beet red. "Y'all're gonna give the poor boy a heart attack before we even get to move in." I laugh a little louder, it spreads around the table. It feels good. Soon, heads are turning to look. They recognize daddy at the head of the table and quickly go back to their meals.

"so daddy when will the cabin be ready for us to move in?" Finishing what food is in his mouth first, "it already is. I want you two in there tonight. The boys have already moved your bed and vanity out of your room and into the master bedroom. I had Teeter and Jimmy's uh fiancé move your clothes and everything else over. Babygirl as of an hour ago, your room is bare." I stand up and walk to him, giving him a big hug and kiss his cheek. "Thank you, and thank you guys. I appreciate every and all that you do." They all just dismiss my appreciation with a hand and all day a variation of "it's what family's for".

"Excuse me daddy, I was wanting to take us girls to a few boutiques around town for the cabin, do you think you boys could take one vehicle back together and leave one with us?" Beth asks, this is news to me. She looks back at me and gives me a wink. "Yeah honey that's fine. I'm happy my girls are spending time together again, the ladies will take my car and us boys will go back in the ranch truck." "Thank you dad" I say, "don't worry about it (Y/n/n). Call it a wedding present". A loud laugh rips from everyone at all. Ryan pulls his cowboy hat down to cover his harshly blushing face. "Aaawe baby, don't hide your pretty face. The red really brings out the embarrassment in your eyes" I joke and pinch his cheek. He swats my hand away and kisses my cheek.

Hours later and it's dinner time, my whole family and everyone from the bunkhouse is in my new living room drinking my new beer. Ryan and Colby laughing together. My boyfriend and his boyfriend. Lloyd comes to pat me on my shoulder. "You done good girlie, they don't make cowboys like us and Ryan anymore. And hey, if you get tired of him you know where to find me." He wins chuckling, he's always been so playful with everyone. "Well then I guess I'll just have to meet you at our regular spot" I play back. "Lloyd, quit flirtin with Ryan's wife" Kayce laughs and yells from across the room. Ryan heard it and he makes his way towards us. I put my hands up in faux surrender. "Well...I did want to wait until we've lived together for a while, but now is better than ever. And everyone has made the joke today, almost ruining my surprise." Colby comes up to him and hands him a red velvet box. No, I mean yes, but. There's no way.

"(Y/n) (M/n) Dutton, I remember the first day I saw you. You were wearing this exact dress and socks, this beautiful gothic cowgirl. I'd never seen anything like it. Your hair was black with bright red underneath. You caught me starin and you smiled. It's like I was floating among the stars. Lloyd told me it was rude to stare and told me who you are, my only response is that I was gonna marry you someday. He said "yeah maybe when spider fly" then I told him that's terrifying. Anyways, I love you and have since I first saw you. Will you do me the honor and make me the happiest man in the world and marry me?" I can't see Ryan anymore since my eyes are blurry with tears, I nod frantically. "Fuck yes, now get up here and kiss me". Looking me in my eyes, makeup running, he slips the ring on my finger, "Yes ma'am." Cheers resound through the small cabin. I see everyone try to slyly wipe their own tears away. The kiss is searing and full of everyone emotion left unexpressed. After we pull away I notice everyone has their phone out. Teeter is the first to hug me and congratulate me, only because I had asked her to bring me another beer seconds before Ryan proposed. She goes back to the kitchen sitting on the counter, where Ryan was, next to her man Colby.

Everyone forms a line in front of the pair of us. My family in front of me and the hands in front of Ryan and they criss cross between us to congratulate the both of us. Cheers, tears, appraisal, and happiness runs rampant through the house. Jamie walks through the door looking around nervously. "It's fine Jamie, you're not going to be exiled for wanting to congratulate the happy newly engaged couple" Beth yells from counter, she was chatting with Teeter about something I couldn't hear. "What? Who got engaged? I came looking for dad" Well that stings. The hell does he mean who? Who else would it be? Its the beer. And the emotions. That's why it happens. "WHAT THE FUCK AM I TO YOU JAMIE? FUCKING ROADKILL?" I shout. Anger bubbling quickly, and it's released just as quickly. Its just the beer and emotions in the air I keep telling myself. Totally not the resentment I bare towards him. Ryan grabs my arm but I rip it out. "No. Get the fuck in here and tell me congratulations and a hug like a brother would or I'll tell Beth what you did.. and dad."

He looks sick to his stomach and looks between the two aforementioned family members. He rushed to my side and hugs me. "I am happy for you little sister. Congratulations from the bottom of my heart." The smile on his face is forced. Little bitch. He goes to dad but dad blows him off to hug me tight. "Tell me later sweetheart.". He then pulls Ryan into a gruff hug that makes him grunt from how tight dad is squeezing him. I think it's an actual display of strength and not a (soon-to-be) familial embrace. Jamie and dad go out to the back yard to talk. Kayce pulls me to the couch to sit, I'd been standing since we got home. We were all tired though all I did was shop today but it was a lot of walking. Tate sits in my lap and tells me he's happy for me and asks if he can be the ring bearer. "Of course you can buddy boy, anything for the best nephew I've ever had. On one condition though." Kayce gives me that look, he got my joke but it breezes over Tate's head. Monica mirrors Tate and sits in Kayce's lap. "He's your only nephew, (Y/n/n)" she chuckles. I smile wide at her and pull my sock and boot off. Showing my new tattoo, a memorial for John, a memorial for the nephew I lost. Monica and Kayce hug me tight, squishing Tate in the process. Monica whispers she loves me in my ear. "Wait what's the one condition?" Tate pipes up. "Oh yes, right. You have to ride my horse Ida B. Hay Bales down the isle." Kayce laughs loud, shouting a "what the hell? That's what you named your new horse?" "Yes! Take your problem elsewhere Mr. Dutton. I'm a modern day feminist." "Okay, okay, turn down the heat sis. I just ain't heard no horse name like that before." I huff and roll my eyes, pushing his arm. Hopin the push I put no strength behind will make him fall over. He scoffs and does the same. I do it again but harder. Then Tate pushes him too. "yes buddy boy, it's two against one I think we can win! Help me defeat your daddy". He lets out a war cry then pushes against his dad's arm, I put my hand below his and push. My brother copied his son and shoves me. Oh it's on. But the backdoor slides open before the "fight" can devolve into a sibling fight. "Kayce quit hittin your sister." Dad's gravelly voice says, I stick my tongue out at Kayce showing off I've won. He chuckles and shakes his head. "Auntie (Y/n/n) can I have another juice please?" Tate asks, Kaycee shakes his head no while Tate looks at me. "Yeah baby go getchu one outta the fridge, there's also some peeps on the counter get you a couple and bring me one and a beer back please". He thanks me and shouts excitedly about the prospect of sugar. Monica gives me a dissaproving look but I just point the blame to Kayce. A wonderful evening.

#yellowstone #ryan x reader yellowstone #fluff #ian bohen #Yellowstone fluff

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polarisbibliotheque · 10 months ago

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Hiiiii just wanted to say you're an amazing person and writer and I love your first with my whole heart, especially the nemesis one and jeshhsvejeyegehejwjj also I wanted to ask if the reader is based on being female or not? Any yea that's it love yyyaaaaaa xo

Aaaaaah thank you so much!!!! I'm always taken aback by so much love, thanks a LOT for taking the time to read my work and just be here, it's really special to me 🖤🖤 you are too kind!!

Me, whenever you guys decide to shower me with love

I always say the most precious thing we have in life is time - and the fact that you guys decide to spend that time here, reading and just enjoying ~the vibes~ holds a special place in my heart 🖤

Now, regarding reader's gender, that's a very good question!

My first language isn't English - I'm Brazilian, so BR Portuguese is my default and I've written A LOT in Portuguese. Interestingly enough, I think I spent so much time writing here, I'm currently writing better in English than in Portuguese *puts on fool hat*

In Portuguese, gender is a big deal, 'cause all our words are gendered. We don't have neutrals like "they" in English or "das" in German - so we kinda always have to pic a gender for characters.

I have some non-binary characters in other personal original stories and they are a PAIN to write in Portuguese, 'cause I don't have neutral pronouns/ways to call them T-T

When I used to write for PT-BR fanfic websites, my default has always been female reader character in 3d person - it's only when I moved to tumblr I started using "you", which was a VERY weird transition at the start, and I got hit with "oh my the person reading might not be female/identify as female".

I always used female as default because, not gonna lie, I used my name as default for 3d person, or friends names, and then I scripted/htmld the fic so in the website I posted people could change the characters names to their own names/own characters without the whole you/y/n thing.

The majority of people reading in this website I posted are women - and in my country, fanfiction has always been perceived like a female thing. So I never really thought much about that.

It's only when I moved here I found a more diverse set of readers. In English, gender isn't taken for granted, because you do have neutrals. And I kept thinking "what if people that identify with other genders want to read my work? What if they like it too?" and I decided to go as neutral as I can for the reader!

Granted, sometimes I slip up and you'll catch me referencing the reader as she/her - it's something I always have to keep an eye on because of my own language.

When I'm writing, I think more of a mature character rather than their gender, to be honest. It's a pet peeve of mine, but I'm always fuming that most female reader characters end up as damsels in distress or acting extremely childish, girly, cute or even bratty just because of their gender and I hate it.

I try to think more in a way that Dante and Vergil wouldn't be attracted to that - they're older, mature men and they want something else in a relationship. They want a partner and someone who can stand on their own, and power through hardships. Femininity is ok, but being a childish 12 y/o isn't really attractive to older men like them.

I'm turning 30 this year, hear the voice of wiseness HAHAHA

That made me have another sort of default when I'm writing. Now I'm much more focused on personality and what fits the characters rather than gender and all that - because I think sometimes we get too "blind" on what is expected from that gender rather than developing a good character.

A few examples I like:

(Below the cut, examples on female characters and my impressions, I got too excited and it turned into something huge, apologies xD)

Integra Hellsing, from the Hellsing manga and OVA, is an exceptional woman written without her gender being the first thing you get from her character. Appearance wise, she is very androginous, but her character per se, she is still a woman, feminine and all, but powerful as hell, strong-willed, with harsh decisions to make, imperfections and self-doubt, holding the most powerful vampire in the world on a leash. She has a ton of responsibilities and she doesn't have to be a sexy tomboy or a, again, sexy girlboss to pull that off. She is posh, regal and graceful even, but she smokes, swears and commands like a man... or like the woman she is. Which is brilliant. Love her absurdly.

Plus, she literally has te title of Sir Integra. Love this powerhouse of a woman.

Ellen Ripley, from Alien, was a character written primarily regardless her gender - and I think this is fabulous! They had the character done and said "ok, both a man and a woman can play this character" - when it came to casting, they decided Sigourney Weaver was the best choice. Ripley is smart, fast thinking and a survivor at heart, but she also shows fear and horror when she is put up against the alien. Her character was developed before her gender, and that makes her so amazing - by the second movie, Aliens, she is a powerhouse as well, hell-bent on saving people and not allowing anyone to get hurt by those dreadful creatures again. And we learn she had a daughter! That makes her grow attached to Newt, but not in that ~motherly overattached dependant~ way most people think women do, but in a protective "I'm gonna be your parent" way that all humans grow attached to children!

That's why the 3rd Alien movie is so awful to me. It's the only movie that puts her gender before her character: suddenly she is having sex with everyone and some guys try to rape her because suddenly she is seen as an object rather than a person.

I mean I always shipped her with Hicks and there isn't a SINGLE sexual thing between them rather than some looks of admiration from him and THAT hits harder than any of that cheap sexual thing from the 3rd movie in my ace opinion xD

Fun fact, we both share the fact we're INTPs xD

Now, another one I like, is Yennefer of Vengerberg - and she is written with everything of her gender taken into account. Why am I mentioning her, then?

I'm taking the books and games as reference here, but Yennefer is stunningly beautiful. She could be a perfect femme fatale, and she starts like that, but as you get into her character, there is a character there. And it goes so much further than just being a sexy woman who wants to girlboss and overpower men. Yen is traumatized and has traded so much of herself to become this powerhouse she is. No one likes to mess with her, and those who reduce her to being an woman-object suffer the consequences. She realized she wanted to have children when it was only too late and she is so freaking powerful she will go LENGTHS to make it happen.

It doesn't, but she gets Ciri in her life. Apart from that, Yen is a sorcerer and she does politics: when Geralt doesn't want that and they start disagreeing on their points of view/what kinds of life they want to lead, she is adamant on not leaving her freedom and being afraid on losing her independence to tie herself to someone else. So Yennefer remains as this mysterious, femme fatale of a woman, bewitching and breaking so many hearts because she will never abandon her freedom, her goals and her dreams for a relationship. And that, I think it's beautiful on a female character. Well done and something that ends up becoming a fatal flaw of hers - because, again, it isn't based on "I won't bow to patriarchy" it's based on "I can trust only in myself and I won't leave my fate in anyone's hands but my own", it has nothing to do with her being a woman. It has to do with her own will and who she wants to be.

She could be written as a man and it would work as well in my opinion mind you, you're welcome to disagree

HAHAHAHAHA so there you go. I'm so sorry I took your simple question and turned it into an essay about my own view on gender and female characters when I'm writing, but I saw the opportunity and I took it. I do hope you don't mind "^^

And thank you once again for the ask!! I hope to see you around more and I'm so grateful to have you here! 🖤

#polaris speaks #answered asks #asks #writing tips #writing #female characters #the witcher #yennefer of vengerberg #hellsing #integra hellsing #alien #ellen ripley #tagging the characters :3 #'cause if I ever do more ~writing tips~ or blabber about my writing #they are bound to appear once again hahahaha #but honestly one day you guys are gonna kill me with so much love #I thank you wholeheartedly #it seriously makes my day!

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nevermore-grimes · 2 months ago

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Hi bestie! I think you've mentioned using Notion to document your paracosm and I was wondering you went about it?? like your organization n stuff. Sometimes I think about using Notion for smaller paracosms or AU stuff but I never really know how to like. format it or organize it lol

Bestie? Did you just call me bestie? (Love ya, bestie! Aaaaaah!) 🥺💕

And then you follow that up with asking me about my paracosm dashboard? Can I kiss you (/p)???

I would be more than honored to give you a lil tour~

Here she is in all her glory! ...Well, the homepage, at least.

I can't take allllll the credit since I've started this by using someone else's template (I forgot who it was and I couldn't find them again, I'm sorryyy!), but I've added a lot of my own stuff since then.

Anyways, it mainly revolves around The Ember Blade Chronicles, since that's my main paracosm, but I don't feel like it wouldn't be that hard to rework it for someone who has more than one paracosm.

On the homepage, I just have some links, my Spotify Playlists (which I've managed to link to my para profiles and my AUs), and my organizational sidebar (Yayyy!).

I won't go crazy with explanations and bore you to death, so here's a quick explanation of each part:

Para Gallery - A gallery of my paras' profiles

World Elements & Explanations - Here's where I explain concepts exclusive to my paracosm (Macbeth, Nevermore's bloodlust, etc.)

Snippets - Where I write out scenes from my paracosm

Story Events - My paracosm's timeline

Paracosm-Related AUs - A list of my paracosm's AUs

Party Talk & Incorrect Quotes - Random silly quotes from my paracosm

Trashed Concepts - Things that used to be part of my paracosm, but I took them out

The Ember Blade Archives - Where I'm transcribing my paracosm notebooks

I honestly wanna rework my Snippets and Story Events sections, but, yeah! I don't know how helpful this actually is, so if you need me to explain anything better, I'll try! Or I can even drop the template (but I think I want the chance to rework some of my sections first-).

So, I hope this helped somewhat!

#awake to answer

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identitheoret · 2 years ago

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My Thoughts on the Story/Lore of “Ashes of Memory: Part 1”

(I might make this into a video if I have time btw)

Hey guys, IdentiTheoret here! :)

I’m not really sure what else I need to say here before I just jump right into my thoughts on Ashes of Memory. I think this Tumblr thing will actually work super well with what I’m aiming for here, but I’m still kinda new to it, so if you guys have any tips for me there I’d love to hear them. And my DM’s are also completely open, so you guys can ask me directly about literally anything you like or need help figuring out, lore related or whatever else you wanna talk about or say to me.

Anyways I guess I’ll just get right on into my thoughts now.

First of all, I had like no idea they were going this hog wild with changing up everything in terms of how the system works. I wasn’t keeping up a whole lot with the update prior outside of the one major teaser, so when I hopped on after maintenance and saw everything they changed I was kinda stunned.

I won’t be going with any particular order of events, rather I’ll try to go through each particular topic with all the details in mind from the beginning to end of Chapter 1.

Alice DeRoss (Reporter)

When I first saw her in the teaser I was like “Eh, not sure how to feel about her, it’s a little jarring seeing her like this.” And I didn’t even look back over it again to analyze because of the stuff I mentioned in my update video that was draining my energy. Although even then, I thought the idea of following adult Alice was absolutely dope.

But then I played the new story and got an actual good look and feel for this version of Alice and—OH MY GOD SHE IS SO FREAKING PRETTY LIKE AAAAAAH I CAN’T 😳🫠

Seriously they did such a good job with these new designs. And they kinda had to because they were gonna have far more normal designs outside of just Orpheus. I’m not going to go into any detail about my opinions there though, I’ll save that for a separate post soon after this one. I’m just looking at the story and lore right now.

So when it comes to everything leading up to her visiting the manor, they don’t really show off anything too odd. After her separation from Orpheus when they were kids, Alice suffered great social trauma/isolation, which we knew a bit about already with certain letters. But what we didn’t get to see was what happened after she left the orphanage. I was assuming maybe her trauma was going to mess her up in the long term, and if it didn’t I assumed she was going to lose her memories entirely or something because it seemed like things were just that intense during her time in the orphanage. But no, she has a fairly decent memory of her past by the looks of it. However, just like Orpheus in Time of Reunion, we are told she has little memory of the actual events of the manor tragedy, and in general some of her memories are a bit hazy. Not to mention the fact that she doesn’t find anything to be odd about Orpheus when she meets him in the manor.

Yeah, she hadn’t seen him since they were super young, but as we’ve seen before, the nickname of “Orpheus,” was a major detail of the two’s past friendship, because it represented their bonding experiences of making up stories and playing characters. The Orpheus nickname catching on and eventually being the name young Alice used for him exclusively was meant to show how close they were. But by the looks of it, she doesn’t remember the nickname at all.

And sure, it doesn’t mean she should immediately be like “ 😱 Oh mah gah that’s the same name it must be him ☝️🤓 .” However, this detail doesn’t even strike her as odd in any way. This could just be nothing, and she just decided to pay no mind to it, but when it comes to Identity V writing, these things are usually pointed out afterwards at the very least with a little “Huh, [Insert Minor Detail] is pretty odd” sorta thing. It happens a lot.

Outside of that, there’s not a whole lot she’s gotten involved in yet. I mean, it is only Chapter 1, so it makes sense. BUT, I do still have one thing to mention about her.

After you complete Chapter 1, you’re given the S-Tier Costume “Moment of Leisure.” And well, I mean, just look at it.

(Yes I am aware of the fact that one is a dress and the other is sleepwear but like, c’mon)

It’s possible that both the adult and child characters we always see together are probably BOTH meant to be Alice. There was really no reason for them to include this costume otherwise. Although, we do see in both the cinematics and in summaries by Orpheus that the older woman was a mother to the girl, and that she died a “horrific death.” Of course, the mother thing would make sense to conclude from Orpheus’s perspective so we can pretty much ignore that, but what about the death and it’s importance to the “Little Girl” after that? How would that fit into any of this?

Well, I have somewhat of an idea to propose for that, and for quick context I need to bring up two simple details: First, the character lineup was likely intentionally different from what we were expecting with Melly/Norton to draw attention to how the timeline’s gonna work out, since we know the Melly/Norton/Orpheus game was the last one Orpheus participated in before the amnesia and all that. And second, most of Alice’s personality and character in general is centered around her persistence and vigilance, literally stating word by word that in the face of her past traumas and mysteries, she needed to “Face it, and it’ll all be over.” This wording about it being “over” also specifically draws attention to the idea of moving on after facing the issue instead of just facing it persistently and learning to live with it or something like that.

So, with that all in mind, this is my early theory for how I think this is all gonna go. Either:

Alice will find the answers she needs to understand the missing bits of her past so she can come to terms with it, and she moves on while Orpheus stays in his ways. And maybe after Alice finds out who Orpheus really is, and she realizes he is actively choosing not to face his own traumas and is beyond persuasion, she escapes the manor and leaves him behind because she simply has to move on. The depictions, both written and seen, of her “horrible death” would be based in Orpheus’s (subjective, rather than objective) view of her facing her issues head on and suffering through the worst of it before she finally is able to overcome her sorrow. To her, she would be getting through the worst of it to finally rid herself of the prolonged pain she’s felt for so long. But to Orpheus, that short phase of pain needed to overcome his trauma seemed far too horrible of a thing to be worth suffering through. Thematically speaking, this would definitely make sense (and because the depictions of the “mother” and girl are clearly not literal or direct about their meaning at face value). All the depictions of young Alice trying to guide Orpheus are things he put into his own head from a deep regret for not listening to her and a desire to have her take the lead for him once more because he doesn’t feel like he can rely on himself to change. But these feelings are still hidden under his repetitive denial, and that’s why it’s something he doesn’t know he’s aware of yet.

Alice dies during the game, either because she wants to try and save Orpheus from himself and fails, and/or because Orpheus starts to believe he can do it but hesitates and gets her killed in the process. This would make sense because most of the themes in Orpheus’s story center around his inability to stay firm in what he needs to do with his trauma, and to not look back with doubt based on what he’s done before. And this would also tie perfectly to the Orpheus myth of him turning to Eurydice with doubt and dooming her to the Underworld, leading him to a life of sorrow and regret in the land of the living. Since this is, well, Identity V, I am pretty certain that this aspect of the myth is intentionally tied into Orpheus’s theme of traumatic repetition and him constantly choosing not to look forwards. This persists in most of the elements of his story, especially with the major details such as the “Don’t Look Back” line that comes up a whole lot when you think about it. So assuming that to be the case, and also assuming that Alice dies, we can conclude that she becomes a spirit in the form of her past younger self as she embodies that wholly innocent part of her life, and maybe just to make herself easier to recognize to Orpheus I guess…? The reason why she’d stay in the form of a child is harder to explain here than it is in the other point. It’d make sense why the child version would be there when accompanied by the older version because it was so long after Orpheus saw Alice that he separates his view of her into his memories of what he thought she was like and what she is now in front of him. That also explains why he tries to see her in the exact same dress as the younger version of her, because at the core the two versions are still the same person.

Those are just my initial thoughts at the moment. I may build onto these conclusions more later on after giving it more thought or when we see more of the next chapter. I guess I’ll leave my thoughts there for now though and move on.

“Orpheus” DeRoss (Novelist)

Well, there’s not much to say for him really. Same’s gonna go for the other two as well for the most part because of how early we are into this, but I do want to point out the way he interacts with everyone. It sometimes may give off a vibe like he knows way more than he lets on, but I don’t think that’s the case. I think the depiction here is still accurate/still will be accurate going forward with the explanation given in Time of Reunion about him having his memory wiped over and over. I don’t think he is actually aware of anything behind the manor in this state. The way he pushes certain details and questions towards others, like the point about betrayal directed at Melly about her insects, and the other point about Mary’s French heritage with Fredrick, seem to just be derived from his intrigue for drama stemming from his interest in writing. He likes a good mystery and finding little things out. We even see him do this with Alice herself in the cutscene after Chapter 1, where he asks her to play the piano for him in exchange for some information on his new book. Besides that, not much needs to be said here.

Fredrick Kreiburg (Composer)

Okay, imma just be real here, I am COMPLETELY lost when it comes to this guy. I was really confused when it was revealed that he was going to be one of the four main characters of this thing, because the guys literally just came out not that long before and we didn’t even get like any buildup for him in the lore before his release. And when it comes to his connections to the racecourse with Mary, like yeah I’m completely clueless. But that actually has nothing to do with the Mary thing though, because I was well aware from the start that there was the theory that Mary wasn’t the actual Mary Antoinette but rather a noblewoman of some sort (based on bday letters if you’re confused). And I knew it was probably true, and was most likely gonna be important later on, but I still was just like “Nah I don’t care right now I’ll just wait on that one.” And now it’s already introduced but I’m still confused about like, why?

I will say one thing though, all the details surrounding that weird Mary subplot, such as the “was it a suicide or a murder?” mystery that’s almost treated like a legend, and the way the death is presented generally, and how the backlash against the racecourse afterwards is completely directed towards one man in particular, and how everyone just kinda goes like “🤷‍♀️🤷‍♂️ Uh idek why she did that 🤷🤷‍♂️,” it all gives off MAJOR Atropos Ropes vibes and it’s definitely intentional. Not sure how to feel about that just yet, but that’s mostly because of my big lack of understanding about anything Mary/Kreiburg related.

Not only that, but look at the way they describe the legend of the past owners of the manor and the mysterious death of the male owner’s female lover before the closure of the course and selling of their manor before some seemingly random dude who is clearly a descendant (Fredrick) suddenly shows up upon invitation from the new owners, and he is is heavily associated with a certain art expression and deals with social pressures.

Like, dude. That’s literally the plot of Lone Moon from T&I. The husband is the Knight, Mary is the princess, and Fredrick is Narcissus.

(+ We have already gotten thematic connections between Lone Moon and Atropos Ropes in terms of the themes of repetition and supposed fate, but we also have literal connections through the Amethyst Duchess, linking Narcissus to Bella (aka, you know, Mary)).

And also, I think the way they use the racecourse specifically of all things leads me to believe that there must be a connection to COA 4. And no, it has nothing to do with the horse imagery in that story, because that was directly linked to Cavalier and his Don Quixote inspirations (but if you wanna get refreshed on that go watch my COA Lore vid). The reason why they did horses here and not cars is simply because, well, rich people shit.

The thing that really makes me certain about this, outside of the obvious specificity, is once again that reoccurring theme of repetition and mistakes from those who came before. It’s present in Atropos Ropes, it’s present in Lone Moon, and it’s definitely present in COA 4, because that story is entirely based around that concept. And all of these have strong connections to either the manor’s history or the DeRoss family, which I highly doubt is a coincidence based on the theories about the DeRosses I’ve been making for the past while.

Melly Plinius (Entomologist)

Not much to say about her either. She’s got that same weird personality that we’d expect from her, and talks about the betrayal thing in a very weird way with connecting it to bugs. But the most important thing I can really point out so far about her is how she has little to no importance of any kind to the events going on regarding the manor and the Kreiburg racetrack. I think this has something to do with what the devs want us to notice about how this timeline works, since Norton hasn’t appeared yet. So I’m guessing Fredrick either dies or just leaves and is replaced by Norton sometime in the story. Knowing how weird some of the other diary stories were written, I’m sure Fredrick just gets like a little bit deep into how he may be involved with the racetrack and the Baron as a result of that, gets uncomfortable and goes like “Nah no thanks” and just kinda bails. I’m not even kidding, I could see that happening tbh.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Well, anyways, that’s all I have to say for now. Like I said before, I’m already planning another post sometime soon, and I’m also thinking about making this post into an actual video as well, but I’m not sure which will come first. Thanks for reading, I’ll see you guys again soon💖💖💖

#identity v #idv #idv lore #identityv #ashes of memory #truth and inference #alice deross

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