#aa sobriety coins

[janicegshop]

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[novamadison]

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[preciousmomentsfigurine]

hey, is anyone still here? looks like the last time i was on here was two years ago and change. things are really different now, but i guess then again it would be weird if they were the same

i was thinking of returning to this dead site because for a good fifteen years it was a big part of my life and provided me with a unique way to express my thoughts and ideas and feelings and opinions and musings to an audience of people who can hear me but not truly know me outside of my words that i share on this platform. and on the same coin i enjoy following the lives of people i know nothing about and watching their stories and selves develop and evolve from a complete distance in every sense

i'm five months sober now

i have a hard time pinpointing when exactly i became an alcoholic, but i guess i could say i dealt with it in some degree for about eight years, and progressively, as it always goes

i graduated with my masters last may (2023) in critical media studies where i spent my time writing and researching feminist cultural social and media theory. i produced a great deal of work i was and am very proud of including a thesis that is honestly my life and heart's work but unfortunately over the course of those two years my drinking escalated rapidly and by the end i was manically and drunkenly banging out papers and essays in the dead of night sleepless and naively inspired

somehow i got a 4.0 though despite that. everyone in my life always says i played off my drinking well anyway. beats me how or why

once i graduated i practically immediately began drinking all day every day while somewhat-hardly-kind-of-not-really looking for work which was fruitless and i quickly learned my degree i worked so hard for meant practically nothing to employers who were merely looking for experience i dont have outside of my teaching background in grad school

for almost exactly a year i was drunk 100% of the time i was awake

same old story, at some point i switched to bottom shelf pints of vodka, which constituted my breakfast lunch and dinner. sat on my couch in my filthy apartment occupying my filthy poisoned failing body either watching tv or causing problems somehow

this was when i was twenty-nine. for a while now i had known in my heart of hearts i wasnt someone who would ever be able to handle my liquor or drink like a normal person, whatever that means, and that too much was never enough, and that it was literally impossible to function so long as booze was a part of my life. any attempts to "cut back" or "take breaks", i knew, would end the same way, which was waking up to shots of room temperature vodka and being a prisoner to the worst shame a person can feel

i figured once i turned thirty, which was this march, that would probably be about the time i got sick of my own shit and said goodbye to the bottle. which i undeniably felt a kind of affection toward as if it were a lover. still do in a sense and thats why ill never flirt with it again

my sobriety date is april 16th 2024. my last drink was a shot of vodka at 8:30 am on the 15th after creating massive gashes in my upper arm the previous evening during a blackout fight with my boyfriend

im still unemployed and extremely mentally ill and my bipolar has gotten progressively worse over the past couple of years and will likely continue to according to what the science says and all of that. after my last manic episode last month i adjusted my meds (again) and for now they seem to be working but i don't hold my breath really

i do AA and i like it a lot, i do it my own way, i have a sponsor who approaches the program liberally and progressively and shares many of my comorbidities and has allowed me the freedom to define my relationship to the program and god in a way that works for me and i have made incredible strides through this. i have become a far far far better person.

being sober is easy and i never want to drink. not once not ever

ive never worked so hard on myself in my life because i got as close to death as i ever had and ive been very close at many points in my life for many years. when i was drinking i knew i wouldnt make it to see 35 if i continued as i was

therapy, AA, meds, a whole fucking lot of discipline

ive been with my boyfriend for two years and wed like to get married. thats nothing that will happen anytime soon but it is nice to think about. he has been by my side through unimaginable things that any sane person would not have stuck around for. he is my heart and my soul

im also trying to start applying for jobs again but im genuinely on the fence if i am capable of holding a full time job due to my severe mental illness. im exploring a bunch of options right now as far as that whole thing goes. the future is very uncertain as always

let me know if you see this or remember me or anything.

bye for now

[silentglassbreak]

Anonymous

Noah Sebastian x OFC

!!!There is finally smut in this chapter!!!!

Warnings: Alcohol abuse, overall abuse, mild violence (ie. bar fights), smut, swearing, and altogether just a lot of fuckery.

+It goes without saying, this is a work of fiction. All of my words are my own. Plagiarism is a crime.

Taglist: @flowery-mess

Part 5 - Bad Decisions

Three months and three days, since I had met Noah Sebastian. Since he had walked into my group, reserved and exhausted, ready for a change. Three months and one day since I had agreed to be his sponsor. Since I had taken on the role of maintaining his sanity and sobriety with him. Three months exactly since Noah kissed me, causing me to pull back on our relationship.

I had given myself a silent rule that I never told Noah: we did not meet in person, outside of group, unless it was dire. So far, we had not gotten to that point.

He called me often, needing support. We talked on the phone, sometimes for only a few minutes while he panicked, I calmed him down, and he focused on breathing. Sometimes, we talked for a long time. I suspected he called me at times, out of pure boredom.

Two weeks after his show in Hollywood, he finally told the members of the band that he had began AA. As I suspected, they were all very supportive, most notably, Nick Ruffilo, his best friend since childhood. He even brought Nick to our last 'Loved Ones' session, where we asked everyone to bring someone in their lives who supported their recovery. Some people only brought their sponsors, but some brought their husbands, wives. Girlfriends. I always brought Laura.

I met Nick that day. He was polite, had the most charming smile, and shook my hand respectfully.

"You're the famous Leena, huh?" Noah had been talking to Syd when Nick approached me.

"Famous?" I quirked my eyebrow. He smiled brightly.

"You've kept my boy straight for a whole month."

I nodded in understanding. As fate may have it, the day Nick came to group, was the same day Noah had earned his 30-day coin. He had earned himself a large round of applause, as well as his favorite flavor of cupcakes in class. Red velvet, cream cheese frosting, graham cracker dust. I'll never forget, I asked Laura to make them.

Nick cared deeply for Noah, I could see it. I knew the other members, Folio and Jolly, did as well, but I believed Nick was his best source of support.

I broached the subject with Noah about a week later of Nick being his sponsor. I saw the look on his face while he sipped on his coffee, group having just ended.

"Oh, I didn't even think about it." He was looking at the ground, something he regularly did when he was uncomfortable.

"I mean, it was just an idea?" I tried to stay warm, comforting. Noah didn't always go for that. He had his moments where he felt patronized, and preferred I be straight with him. Usually when he was in a bad mood.

"I could ask him, I guess." He still wouldn't look at me.

I sighed, quirking my lips in a smile. "You don't have to. I'm happy to keep being your sponsor, Noah."

He looked at me finally, through his lashes. "You just know how to pull me back from the brink. He doesn't."

I nodded in understanding. "Guess you're stuck with me then." I beamed at him, earning a smile back.

Today, Noah was earning his 90-day coin, right before he leaves for tour. He got to go first in group, discussing his experience through recovery. He also got his special cupcakes, Laura turning up special to deliver them by hand. He was like a kid in a candy store, nearly hopping up and down when she handed him his special cupcake, bigger than the rest. He was ever thankful that she was a talented baker, promising to bring him and the band cupcakes during their tour dates here in LA.

The band had added 17 additional tour dates, beginning the tour in the summer instead of fall. They would have three months off from June to September, and would head to Europe in December. The success of the band was exciting, and stressful all the same for Noah. I saw the toll it took.

Two weeks ago, he finally told his girlfriend about his recovery. We didn't talk about Lily often at all, but he definitely did not want to discuss that subject. I gathered that it did not go well. All I learned was that she told him she needed space, and backed out of tagging along on the first part of the tour with them. She promised to catch up in September.

I saw how this affected Noah, and his sad days had been more frequent lately. Seeing him happy to be receiving his coin was a relief.

"Can I make a request for my 90-day?" He sat in his regular chair, directly across the circle from me, his too-dark eyes on mine.

"Within reason." I responded with a suspicious grin.

"Can you tell me one thing about you that I don't already know?" Everyone in group looked directly to me, including our two newcomers. All eyes seemed confused. As was I.

"Like what?" I crossed my legs, trying to hide my uncomfortable posture.

"Anything."

I blinked, my head swirling. Something he didn't know? We had learned quite a bit about each other over the last three months. In group or on the phone, we had played twenty questions more than once.

"Well," I sighed, knowing that my confession would be news to everyone, as I never talked about it. "my sponsor is my Dad."

He looked taken back, not expecting that. "Really?"

I nodded coolly. "Yep. Since I got sober three years ago." I relaxed a bit in my chair. "He's the reason I got sober."

Noah sat back and folded his arms, intent on listening to me. He gestured for me to continue.

"At 25, I was set down the worst road. I had been actively drinking since I was 16, and really struggling since 18. I dropped out of college, went through job after job, ended up in jail a few times. And that's the mild stuff. I won't bore you all with the gruesome details." I glanced around the room. The only person who knew even half of my story was Abel, and he was unfortunately not here today, so I felt vulnerable.

"My mother was an alcoholic, who died when I was very young from her addictions." I could feel tears threatening to come to the surface. My throat was forming a lump I just couldn't swallow. "My Dad, who swore to never drink again after she died, decided that once I hit rock bottom, to take me to her gravesite."

I looked down at my hands, feeling my voice shake. "He had purchased a plot for me right next to her when I turned 21, because he swore I would be with her sooner rather than later."

One traitorous tear spilled down my cheek, and I wiped it away feverishly. "So I had him drive me to a meeting. He stayed with me. Came with me to every single one."

I laughed at the thought. "He would sit in the car and listen to Country music while he waited. And every time I fell off, he drove me right back. He's my rock. He's the reason I'm alive."

I was still looking at my hands when I heard the clapping. My head snapped up to see Noah, his hands clapping together before everyone else joined. It was a liberating moment, but I was still vulnerable.

I checked my watch, noticing that we were over on our time.

"Thank you, everyone." The applause died down. "I appreciate each and every one of you. Unfortunately, we've got to get out of here before Angie comes in and rips me a new one."

-

At home, Angel and I were curled up on the couch, enjoying our favorite movie (it was my favorite, so it was his favorite by default), Silent Hill. I was tossing him single popcorn kernels as I ate and watched intently.

"See, baby, this is the part where all of the piece of shit cultists get what they deserve!" He looked at me with his honey brown eyes, clearly understanding every word I said.

My ringtone went off, and I almost ignored it, because we were so close to the end, and figured the call could wait until after. That is, until I realized it was Noah's ringtone. I had switched his a while ago to a song by his own band, so I knew when it needed to be answered at any cost.

I rushed over to the kitchen counter, not even bothering to pause the movie.

"Hello?"

"I need a fucking drink, Leena." His voice was cracked, and sounded wet. Was he...crying?

"No, you don't." My immediate response anytime he said that.

"No Leena, I'm driving to a bar. I can't fucking do this."

The panic rose in my chest, threatening to spill in the form of vomit. No, not now. Not after we've worked this hard.

"Noah Sebastian, I will kick you out of group."

"Who fucking cares?" I scoffed.

"Uh, you do, apparently. You called me."

"Mostly just calling to let you know I'm a fucking failure. So, sorry to waste your time."

My mouth worked faster than I could stop it. "Come to my place."

He was quiet. "Nah, bar sounds better."

"Noah, come see me. Please. And if you still want a drink afterwards, then I won't stop you."

I could tell he was perusing this. "You don't ever see me outside of group, remember?"

"Well, fuck that for right now. Come see me."

He groaned. "Leena, it's midnight. You should be asleep."

"Yet, I'm awake. 3AM ice cream, remember?"

There was silence, only the sound of a blinker in the background.

"Where do you live?"

Without answering, I dropped him my location pin.

"Says I'm ten minutes away." I sighed a breath of relief.

"Door's unlocked."

-

Despite my telling him to come in, he knocked. Angel stood at attention, to which I instructed him to sit and stay. I opened the door to find a soaking wet Noah. I didn't even realize it was raining.

He looked awful. Clearly had been crying, his clothes soaked through from the storm. I grabbed his arm and hastily pulled him in to avoid any more weather getting hold of him.

"Jesus Christ, dude." He just stood in my doorway, staring at me.

A low growl left Angel, bringing our attention to him.

"Angel, come." Robotically, he came to me and I pointed to Noah. "Let him smell you. He's protection trained."

Noah raised a brow. "What kind of dog?"

"He's a mutt. Bluetick Hound and Husky. 90 pounds of death if he doesn't like you."

I saw Noah stiffen slightly as Angel sniffed his legs, shoes, and hands. Once he was satisfied that he was safe, Angel stepped back.

"Go to bed." I pointed to the room and he took off, following the command.

"Hm, good dog." Noah's tone was surprised.

"I live alone in LA, I've got to do something to protect myself."

He nodded and stepped onto the tile floor after me toward the hallway. I noticed how wet he was.

"Wait here. I'll get you some dry clothes."

He looked at me incredulously. "You think they'll fit?"

I rolled my eyes. "Wait here."

I returned two minutes later with a pair of men's sweats and a faded Disturbed t-shirt. "They're my brother's. I'm sure they'll fit."

He nodded in appreciation and I pointed to the bathroom.

He returned moments later, soaking clothes in hand. I walked over and grabbed them from him and walked further down the hall to my laundry room. Checking the many pockets on his pants, I threw his clothing in the dryer and started it.

Padding back into the living room, I waved him over to the couch. We both sat on opposite ends, me leaned back, pulling the throw over myself, him dropping his head into his hands.

"You want to talk about it?" He just shook his head. I pursed my lips. "You want to watch a movie?" He looked up at me from over his shoulder.

"Like what?"

I smiled, picking up my remote. "Well, I just finished Silent Hill, but I've got all the streaming networks, so I can get anything."

He furrowed his brows. "Silent Hill? Like, the game?"

My jaw dropped. "You've never seen the movie?"

He just shook his head. "Can't say I have."

"Well fuck, let me just restart it."

He snorted. "Didn't you just watch it?"

"It's my favorite movie, ever. I'll watch it again."

He sat up straight, then leaned his back on the couch. I reached behind me on the side table, grabbing another blanket and chucking it at him. He smiled a small, sad look at me, and unfolded it over his lap.

During the movie, Noah's demeanor loosened ever so subtly. He started with his back against the couch, arms in his lap, looking unamused. By the first call of the Darkness, he was leaning forward, paying closer attention. At the first sight of Pyramid Head, he was interested. And by the hospital scene, he was asking questions.

"I still don't understand, why does Sharon look like Alessa? And why did the little girl say she was burning?"

"Would you be patient?! We're literally getting to that part right now!" He shook his head and leaned back, crossing his legs underneath him and his body moved slightly closer to my legs that were outstretched on the area between us.

His leg bumped my foot, and he looked over, noticing I was glancing at him.

"Oh, my bad." He scooched back to his side, and I snickered.

"I'm not going to combust if you touch my foot Noah, it's no biggie."

He smirked, mischievously. "Well, in that case." He then stretched his giant self out across the couch, pulling my legs up over his legs. He nestled in, pulling the blanket up to his chest.

It was at this point that I actually noticed.

"Hold the fucking phone." I quickly paused the movie and his head snapped to me.

"What?"

"You cut your fucking hair?!" His hair was easily eight inches shorter, sitting just below his ears. How it took me this long to notice is beyond me.

He laughed nervously, and ran his hand through his locks. "Yeah, after group, I went and got it cut. Felt like I needed a change."

I smiled brightly, reaching over and tousling it. "I like it. It suits you."

He leaned back, his face appreciative.

I played the movie, and he was absolutely enamored. It was always fun watching someone experience this movie for the first time.

Once the credits began to play, his eyes were much brighter. "Are you tired?"

I shook my head. "Nah, not right now."

"Want to watch another one?"

I stood up. "Sure, but I've got to pee and grab a water bottle. You want one?"

He nodded, swiping the remote and scrolling through the networks to find another movie.

I called Angel to his bed in the living room, and took care of my business. When I returned, he had 13 Ghosts pulled up on the screen.

"Can we watch my favorite now?" I smirked.

"Absolutely, it is also one of my favorites."

He pressed play, and I walked past him, my thigh catching the edge of the couch, causing me to stumble toward the coffee table.

Before I could connect with the glass, his arm was around my arm, pulling me back toward the couch. I landed square in his lap. It took me a second to process. He smiled at me nervously.

"Sorry, didn't want you getting a concussion."

I slid off his lap, but was now seated closer to him, by side nearly pressed against his chest. He turned his attention back to the TV, throwing his blanket over the both of us casually.

I pulled my bare legs up under the blanket, now very aware that all I wore was a pair of too-short gym shorts, a plain white t-shirt, and socks. I was home alone earlier, in my defense. My knee was pressing into the side of his leg, but he didn't seem to notice.

His body radiated so much heat, I instinctively sunk down further under the blanket. His gargantuan arm was draped over the back of the couch, the back of my head pressed against it.

I let myself get into the movie for a while. We made it about half an hour in before I felt him shift. He stretched his legs in front of me, now in near full laying position. His arm tugged my shoulder and I looked at him.

His eyes were honest, or so it seemed. "It's just cuddling. I haven't had anyone to cuddle with in a while."

I pondered this for a moment. My brain screamed against it, told me it was wrong and I knew where this could go. But he was so warm. He was so comfortable. I slid down, stretching my legs over his, my chest laying on his. My face had nowhere to go but on his collarbone while I tried desperately to watch the television.

Something tugged at me, which I tried to ignore for a while. I couldn't for too long before I piped up.

"How would your girlfriend feel about us 'just cuddling'?"

I felt his chest still, his breathing stopped for a beat.

"She dumped me." I snapped my head up

"What?"

He sighed, not looking back at me. "Why do you think I needed a drink?"

"Oh, Noah." I moved to sit up, but his arm around my waist held me in place while he squeezed his eyes shut.

"Can we please just...not?" When he looked back at me, he had a single tear trying to escape from the corner of his eye.

"Okay." I softly responded and gently leaned back down. His arm secured me in place, while the movie continued to play.

About halfway through, I felt my eyelids getting heavy. His fingers that were holding my waist had been drawing small circles on my back for a few minutes, and I was fading quickly. The warmth, the comfort. He wasn't the only one who hadn't cuddled in a while.

"Are you asleep?"

This roused me. "Hmm? No. Just comfortable." My voice was raspy with sleep, my eyes only half open.

His chest shook with the rumble of a laugh. "You want me to head home?"

I slightly shook my head. "Warm." His hand rubbed up my arm now, coming to rest on the cap of my shoulder. I heard a low humming sound, and realized it was him, humming a tune that I couldn't place.

"It should be illegal to be able to sing that good." This made him snicker.

"Too bad, huh?" I sighed, relaxing. "Maybe if I wasn't so talented, you'd actually like me."

This made me slowly lift my head, narrowing my eyes at him. "You are an insufferable human Noah Sebastian." He smiled a goofy grin at me. "I am trying to relax, here."

His hand came up to brush my hair from my face, his eyes locked on my tired ones.

"You're really beautiful Mileena, you know that?"

I raised my eyebrows, my eyes getting wider. He didn't seem fazed, just studying my face.

"Well...thank you?"

His fingers twirled some stray bands of my hair while his eyes just would not leave mine.

"Would you hate me if I kissed you?"

My stomach bottomed out. I was awake. All the way awake, now. I sighed heavily.

"We can't do that, Noah."

He bit his bottom lip.

"Can't, or won't?"

"Both?"

I rolled onto my side then, slightly breaking the contact between us. He was sat with his head propped on the pillow at the end of the couch. He kept his arm on my waist, but raised himself up just enough to nearly tower over me.

"Would you tell me to stop again?"

He was testing me. I was going to fail if he didn't stop. He felt it.

"Probably."

"Would you make me leave?"

"Is this why you came over? Girlfriend dumps you, so you figure you'd come hook up with your sponsor?" Okay, maybe that came out a little sharper than I intended. But it needed to be said.

"I wasn't planning on coming here. I was set on the bar."

I sighed. He was right. He was on the brink, and I invited him in. Practically begged him.

"Noah, I just...we can't."

His hand reached up to cup the side of my neck, his eyes now fixated on my mouth. I caught the tip of his tongue dart out over his bottom lip.

"Would you make me leave?" He repeated his question.

I didn't answer him, I just stared. I couldn't hide the want on my face anymore. I could feel my eyes pleading with him to just do it. Just make the move, because I couldn't.

With the luckiest break I've had in a while, he read my thoughts, and dipped his face down to brush our lips together.

This was different. This wasn't hungry. It was a hot burn, slow and steady. His hand came up to brush against my face, pulling me just close enough for him to press his face closer, solidifying the kiss.

Once I had the nerve, I moved my lips against his, my body melting against him. We moved slowly, our tongues only trying to make short appearances to taste the other's lips. His kisses on my lips slowed, his hand running down the side of my body, stopping to rest on my hip. Noah's lips began to trail off of my mouth, moving down to my neck, leaving soft kisses over my throat, making my breathing stop altogether.

I'm not entirely sure how long we stayed this way, his lips leaving trails of warmth over my jaw, neck, and collarbone.

I finally reached for him, my arm searching for the hem of his shirt, slipping underneath. My fingers grazed his skin, feeling the solidity of his frame. I felt him breathe out a sigh when I began leaving kisses on his neck. I let the tip of my tongue trace his adam's apple, smiling when the grip on my hip tightened with a nip of his skin.

After he had been tormented enough, he slipped his arm around my waist, flipping to perch over me, laying me flat on my back.

The kiss that came now was burning, hungry, and wild. My fingers pulled at his shirt, lifting it until he had to sit up and pull it over his head.

He wasted no time coming back to attack my neck, nipping and biting carefully, but enough to have me whimpering. He slid one hand up my side, beneath my shirt, and grazed the side of my breast, waiting for a reaction. I arched my back, trying to beg for touch.

His fingers grabbed my entire breast with one hand, pinching my hard nipple and rolling it between his fingers. I gasped at this.

"Oh, Noah..." I heard him hum, a sign of approval.

My hands grabbed his hair, pulling him back to my face. I kissed him while he used his other hand to lift my shirt, exposing both breasts.

It took no time for him to work his way down, taking my nipple in his mouth, leaving me breathless. His tongue circled the hardened bud, driving me absolutely wild.

I could feel his excitement pressing into the inside of my thigh, so I squirmed, causing a friction I'm sure he noticed. I felt the growl more than heard it.

His hand slid up my thigh, stopping on the inside, just before the hem. I could feel myself shaking in anticipation. He hooked the edge of my shorts, and with no mercy, pulled them down viciously, exposing my plain black cotton panties.

His hand glided over my core, feeling how damp the fabric already was. I was breathing heavily, silently begging for more.

"Jesus Christ, Leena." His mouth reached down and kissed my breast again. "So fucking wet."

His words had my brain scrambling. I hadn't been intimate in so long.

His fingers traced over the wet spot, teasing me until I was sure I was going mad.

"Noah..." His eyes looked up to me, my left nipple glistening from his saliva. "Fucking please."

The smile on his face was so wicked, I swear I saw the devil behind it. And this was my one-way ticket to hell. At least it's warm there.

His fingers slipped under the fabric, running up and down over my slit, nearly hitting that one spot I needed.

"This? This is what you want?" His tone was deadly, which had me reeling even harder. I fucking needed him.

I could only nod wildly. His index finger slipped inside, curling at just the right angle, hitting the sweetest spot, I could've burst right then and there.

"That's it. Good girl." His words had me moaning softly, his fingers working me over. Noah continued this until I was nearly seeing stars, his thumb now rubbing circles over my clit. I was ready, so fucking ready, eyes shut tight, climbing the hill and about to fall over. Then it was gone.

My eyes burst open, nearly ready to complain before I felt his hands pulling my panties down, his hot breath just centimeters from my core.

"I can't tell you how many times I've thought about this, Leena. I'll bet you taste incredible." Breathing was out of the question. Air no longer existed.

And that was it, he was on me. His tongue lapping up my pussy, humming while I gripped his hair frantically.

"Holy fuck, Noah."

"That's it baby. Scream my name. Be good for me."

My brain was no longer firing on any cylinders. I was on another plane altogether.

His lips latched onto my sweet spot and sucked like his life depended on it.

"Noah, oh my god! Oh my god, I'm going to come." My back arched off the couch, and my vision went white.

"Noah, Noah, Noah!" My voice was going hoarse. My toes curled and I began to feel the overstimulation, my hips bucking against him.

His arms pinned my legs down, leaving me nowhere to go. I fought for purchase against his skin.

"Please, please I can't. I can't!" He finally released me, lapping at my inner thigh one more time, causing me to shiver.

He sat back, a satisfied grin on his face.

When I looked up at him, I could see the clear bulge in the sweats, and smiled my own wicked grin.

I saw the confusion on his face before I sat up, simultaneously pushing him back on the couch, ripping the front of the pants down. It came to my attention that he wasn't wearing any boxers, so his cock sprung free instantly.

His eyes were fixed on me while I sized up his length, trying to work out how I was going to swallow this damn thing.

I slid the tip of my tongue across the top, eliciting a hiss from his lips. He stared down at me, watching my every calculated move.

With no warning, I wrapped my lips around him, and took him as far down as my throat would allow.

"Oh, fuck..." His eyes went half-masked, his mouth falling open. "Do that again. Jesus Christ."

It didn't sound like a question, so I diligently obeyed. My throat gave out about halfway down his length, causing me to gag. His hand grabbed my hair, nails in my scalp, holding me there.

"Yeah, baby. That's it." He let my head up, saliva dripping from my lips. "You're so good, Leena. Such a good girl."

His hand pressed me back down gently until I had a good rhythm going, my head bobbing, eyes looking up at him.

"Fuck, girl, I'm not going to last like this." I hollowed my cheeks, increasing the suction, and his eyes bulged.

His head flew back, his chest heaving wildly. "Just like that, baby. Don't stop."

I obeyed, suddenly really enjoying the submissive role. His hand guided me faster until I felt him harden to nearly stone.

"I'm going to come, don't stop...fuck don't fucking stop baby."

I felt the first hot stream hit the back of my throat, and I relaxed, waiting for the rest before sucking just a second longer, listening to him hiss in response. I let him out of my mouth with a pop, smiling at him sheepishly when I sat up.

He laid there, eyes closed, hands on his chest, working to breathe.

It took a while, but he eventually opened his eyes. His smile was lazy, and he lifted an arm to pull me down, now laying on his chest again.

He reached behind me and flung the blanket over us, kicking his pants the rest of the way off, and looked down at me.

"We shouldn't have done that, huh?"

I blushed, nuzzling my nose into his neck to hide it as best as I could. "No, we shouldn't have."

He ran his hand up and down my arm, now turning his attention back to the movie that was still playing.

"We'll do better tomorrow." Was the last I heard before my eyes drifted closed.

[wrongcaitlyn]

Random question, but does Apollo have any sobriety coins?

I did very, very vague research, and apparently, it's usually only given to people who go to AA meetings, but Apollo did go to rehab, so I'm just wondering if he had any

Although idk if rehabs even give out sobriety coins so like 😭😭

Also if he does have any, I'd like to think that he def has them on display somewhere in his room LMAO

this is literally such a good question - i vaguely knew about them, but i hadn't even considered it for apollo! i just did a little bit of research and honestly, i think he def does!

i think that he got one back when he first went to rehab/then left, but then he continued to do a mini celebration for himself, because it wasn't something that he really shared with his kids/wanted to share with his kids. i think that you can actually buy them online, but they're not like official or anything, and so now i'm in between whether he'll just buy himself a chip for the number of years he's been sober just because he likes having the physical reminder (plus i hc he's a bit of a collector and a lot of a hoarder, if you could tell from my description of his house and all of the posters/awards - he had to do a lot of calls to make sure to get all of his awards and everything out of his father's studios and houses and whatnot bc he wanted them all in his own place! it sounded a bit egoistic when you would think of all the things with his name on it around the house, but that's really just because he'd rather have it in his own home collecting dust rather than collecting dust on one of his father's shelves)

OR i also think it woudl be very sweet if latricia made, like, self-decorated coins or something to celebrate the anniversary every year after she got a random call two years after being sober where apollo was just quiet for a few moments and then told her, because he didn't really have anyone else to tell, and so he just called her out of the blue bc she was the only one he could think to tell this too - and he wanted to tell someone about it, because otherwise it wouldn't really feel real to him plus he was pretty proud of it

and then in the mail like a week later comes a little coin that with 2 on it, clearly handmade by taking like a poker chip or something and just painting it, and apollo like puts it on his nightstand, eventually joined by future coins year after year because lavinia doesn't forget it

so they're not REALLY sobriety coins in the sense that they're from A.A. / official, (even though he does have one of those), but they're more like little mementos and just reminders that it does matter! and he should be proud of himself, and he cares more about them than any of the other trophies scattered around his house

(can you tell i love latricia and apollo friendship like i just think they're platonic soulmates in this au tbh. i think naomi and apollo could have also been great like that if they had a chance, but their relationship was always a bit more complicated and apollo would always be a bit in love with her, and then darren is- well, he's darren. so latricia and apollo <33)

THANK YOU FOR THE ASK THIS IS NOW CANON TO ME

[noisycowboyglitter]

Join the LGBT Community at Bill and Bob's Coffee Shop: Events and More

Bill and Bob's Coffee Shop stands out as a vibrant LGBTQ+ friendly establishment in the heart of the city. Founded by long-time partners Bill and Bob, this cozy café has become a beloved community hub since opening its doors five years ago.

Buy now:19.95$

The shop's warm, inclusive atmosphere welcomes patrons from all walks of life. Rainbow flags and local queer artists' work adorn the walls, creating a colorful and inviting space. The baristas, many of whom identify as LGBTQ+, serve up expertly crafted beverages with a smile and often know regulars by name.

Beyond great coffee, Bill and Bob's offers a rotating menu of house-made pastries, including their famous "Pride Month" cupcakes. They also feature a selection of vegan and gluten-free options to cater to diverse dietary needs.

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The café hosts various LGBTQ+ community events throughout the year, from poetry readings to small drag shows and fundraisers for local queer youth organizations. A bulletin board near the entrance advertises upcoming Pride events, support groups, and other resources for the LGBTQ+ community.

Bill and Bob's commitment to inclusivity extends beyond their clientele. They actively support other queer-owned businesses by sourcing ingredients locally and featuring a "Queer Vendor of the Month" display.

Whether you're seeking a quiet corner to work, a first date spot, or simply a place where you can be yourself, Bill and Bob's Coffee Shop offers a welcoming haven for the LGBTQ+ community and allies alike.

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AA Sober Recovery Gifts offer meaningful ways to celebrate milestones in the journey of addiction recovery, particularly for those in Alcoholics Anonymous (AA). These thoughtful presents serve as tangible reminders of strength, perseverance, and hope.

Popular options include engraved sobriety coins marking specific time milestones, inspirational jewelry featuring recovery-related symbols or mantras, and personalized journals for reflection. Many gifts incorporate the AA triangle symbol, representing unity, service, and recovery.

Books on sobriety, meditation guides, and recovery-themed artwork are also common choices. For a personal touch, customized photo frames or scrapbooks can commemorate the recovery journey.

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These gifts not only honor the recipient's hard work and dedication but also provide encouragement for continued sobriety. They often become cherished keepsakes, symbolizing the transformative power of recovery and the support of the AA community.

[in-the-blue-notebook]

Fear Eats Soul Hug My Soul

My three new images aren't visually similar but they're additive to this project. I'm trying to tackle making a visual diary for myself and my family, continuing on that note these three new additions stand next to my previous ones. They communicate but they can also stand alone.

The first image above is of a doll shoe I got stuck in my nose as a kid, I found it lying around my house and felt compelled to photograph is as it was encapsulating an event that happened, the photograph now solidifies it more. The second image is an impression I made in the snow as I felt the malleability worked in favor of turning my body into proofing my existence right now, the taking of the photo gives it permanence as it will melt soon but also because I won't ever be like the person I am now in the future. The last image is of me holding family sobriety (aa) chips/coins. This is an important image as it isn't clearly collaboration but is a continuation of the last image of my last critique next to it on the left because it was a discussion and connection that allowed me to take the literal picture. Overall my new images are of self documentation and continuing to not only myself decide what I want to remember but what I hope my family shouldn't mutually forget.

-Grace Grigg

[steele-soulmate]

Tattooed Wings One Shot, Peter Does a “10 Things I Can’t Tour Without” for Buzzfeed

WORDS: 800

A NOTE FROM THE AUTHORESS:

I’M ALIVE! I apologize for dropping off the face of the earth, but I was terribly sick with a severe case of bronchitis- so bad in fact, that I was hospitalized for six days while the doctors struggled to diagnose me with something. Anyways, I’m going to post one chapter a day from now on out- I’ve been spoiling you all with two, sometimes three chapters a day (really, what the heck was I even thinking) I’m slowing down uploading chapters due to a wide numbery of reasons, but don’t worry dear readers- I haven’t kicked the bucket just yet!

“Hey Buzzfeed, Peter Steele here, and I am doing ‘Ten Things I can’t Tour Without’.”

“Okay, so first off, I have my hoard of sobriety coins. I checked myself into rehab following my life changing heart attack at forty eight years young back in 2010. Reason being, as I’m sure many of you know, I received my first soulmark- a mermaid behind my ear. The very idea that I even had someone out there who was mine was more than enough for me to snap my life back into order. I did rehab, I did medication for my mental health, I did AA and NA… and now, I’m so happy that I did. So yeah, I have one month, six months, one year, five years, ten years, and everything else in between.”

 “Next, my vast vitamins collection. I take a handful of stuff every day, along with heavy medication for bipolar and depression, just to keep me alive for just a little bit longer. Going through TSA with these is always quiet fun. A couple of times, I’ll get someone who’ll stick one into their mouth to make sure that it’s not drugs or whatever.”

 “And I also have my trademark green shirts, which I’m not going to unfold my lovely wife’s hard work at squeezing everything into my tiny suitcase, but I will invite you in to take a look inside my suitcase and see my vast collection of green shirts that are in my procession.”

 “Alright, so now my distortion petal, which adds a really awesome sound to my bass whenever I’m onstage. This is one that I’ve been using for… six years, I think…? One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine… no, so sorry, nine years. Little buddy here is a good one.”

 “So next up, we have my guitar. I have an acoustic one that I keep in the tour bus, because my wife likes country music more so than what the band plays, and I live to please my woman. I keep my trademark green bass with the other equipment that goes with the band to wherever we’re performing next.”

 “Can I talk about condoms? Because I never go anywhere without these, they are really nice to have on hand for frisky times that crop up from time to time. Alright, moving on now.”

 “As I’m quite sure people know, my wife has twin nieces, Aria and Evie, who spend a lot of time with their ‘Auntie Mary Claire and Uncle Peter’. It’s literally the best feeling in the world, having little people who depend on you. So whenever I go on tour, they always send me letters and artwork that they made. Look at this one that Aria made of an elephant, isn’t it cool? And Evie made this one of a monkey. I guess you could say that I’m a family man at heart.”

 “My daughter, Elizabeth, made this bracelet for me, and I wear it everywhere. The first time I went through TSA security at an airport, the bracelet dinged the scanners so I had to take it off. Ever since then, I only remove it whenever I’m going through security scanners anywhere. Fun fact, but she and the twin are really close, so close in fact that they oftentimes refer to themselves as triplets.”

 “Whenever my woman can’t join me, I carry pictures of her, which I’m not showing you, they are for my eyes and my eyes alone.”

 “When my sweetheart can join me, I’m so happy.”

 “Peter, you’re such a dork.”

 “But I’m your dork, aren’t I?”

 “Yes, you are my dork.”

 “Now can I get a kiss, my woman?”

 “Anything for my husband.”

  TAGLISTS ARE OPEN/ ASK BOX IS OPEN/ REQUESTS ARE OPEN/ PLOT BUNNIES ARE WELCOMED

 If you liked this, then please consider buying me a coffee HERE It only costs $3!!!

 PETER STEELE TAGLIST

@starchild0985​

@xxgreendruidessxx​

@elianafilthyrose​

@angel-cherrycake

@sheris532​

[medallionsandmore]

How Sobriety Gifts Can Help You in Your Path for Being Sober?

Sobriety is not an easy goal, as everyone going through treatment or supporting someone else in recovery knows. Recovery is about shifting your perception of how you exist in the world to how you are fully involved.

In recovering from addiction, we provide self-compassion as a source of strength. In the midst of an active addiction, we discover that adopting a "tough love approach" or being overly critical of our flaws and weaknesses does not result in the quick resolution we desire. Opportunity is the greatest gift of rehabilitation. The chance to be who we want to be and make time for the things that give us meaning and fulfilment. We regard ourselves as a priority in our own lives in recovery, not as an alternative.

The best method to reward yourself or others for maintaining sobriety is with sobriety gifts. You can get it for yourself or buy sobriety gifts for other as well. Simple gestures of appreciation can significantly impact the sobriety path; they don't have to be elaborate or pricey.

It cannot be easy to buy sobriety gifts, but it's a beautiful chance to express appreciation for the loved one's sober life experience.

A long life of sobriety is necessary. It denotes that each morning, a person must decide what to do. And even though it might become simpler with time, it's still necessary to bear in mind the difficulty. When you mark a person's first anniversary of sobriety, you recognize their accomplishments. They've been able to stay on the path, overcome temptations or say no to them, and make decisions that will keep them healthy and satisfied.

How do AA Chips, NA Chips, and Sobriety token help in the recovery path?

Sobriety chips are standard for AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) and NA (Narcotics Anonymous) fellowships to honor victories. People in their pockets or purses commonly keep them as a constant reminder of the value of their sobriety. They serve as a clear and physical reminder of their progress.

AA chips, usually known as "sobriety tokens," are small, round tokens distributed to 12-step program participants.

This includes sobriety programs like Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) and others. People who distribute them can buy sobriety chips from a token store or online.

To celebrate the remarkable accomplishments of those who are sober and in rehabilitation, sobriety tokens are frequently used. The recovering individual typically appreciates a sobriety token. These AA mementos keep a person encouraged while they are recovering.

These "healing chips" serve as frequent reminders of one's accomplishments and past difficulties. Even if the general meaning of these tokens is the same, if you receive them, they might hold a special meaning for you.

Understanding these healing talents will help you get through this challenging time if you or a loved one is attempting to achieve sobriety or is already recovering.

There are many ways to rehabilitate, but according to Stanford, AA is still the most successful way to get and keep sober. Especially AA literature.

Some essential benefits recovery coins can provide for your support network:

A Motivator and a Symbol of Development

Imagine the strength you'll feel when you receive your 1-year recovery coin and realize that you've made it through even the most trying days.

Recovery coins made to order are much more than just ornaments. They can act as a reminder of your goals and a reminder of how far you've gone in your path.

Most of the time, all you are is a reminder of your progress. If you or a loved one is attempting to stay sober or is recovering from addiction, AA sobriety chips could be a helpful tool to keep you motivated during this time in your life.

A Reminder for Difficult Times

You can physically ground yourself by holding a recovery coin in your hand and concentrating on its texture and message. A mental healthcare professional may employ "grounding" to help someone get out of a downward cycle of negative thoughts (including temptation) and back into the present.

When you need it most, having that reminder close by can keep you sober.

People in recovery are handed little, spherical coins called "AA chips" by their sponsors. They serve as a physical reminder to live each day as it comes and represent how long someone has been sober.

Recovery Coins' Power

Recovery coins have considerably more power than they first appear to have. They remind you of your resilience and show that you're not alone. They also reflect a great deal of hard work and effort.

The AA Chips System: How Does It help?

Chips in AA are used to mark significant milestones in a successful recovery.

Sobriety plastic chips are typically distributed to members at various intervals during their first year of recovery; however, each group operates differently. Collecting the chips is to encourage, support, and love AA members. Additionally, it serves as a reminder that you are not combating alcoholism by yourself.

Buy Gifts for Your Healing Friends at Medallions and More:

Get in contact with us now if you're interested in finding out more about how you can make or buy recovery gifts.  Medallions & more vast selection of chips are ideal for every party.

Order sobriety presents from Medallionsandmore.com, an online retailer of recovery gifts. Discover wonderful presents for addiction, alcoholics anonymous, and Narcotics Anonymous.

[rainbowstufffuckyeah]

My favorite kind of rainbow; the sobriety chips I have acquired along my recovery journey. Six months clean so far, which means I’m halfway to my one year mark! ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜

[janicegshop]

Loved and customized Serenity Gift Box

These decorative cut boxes, made of eco-friendly birch wood, are enhanced when lit from the inside with an LED candle (included).

This design with sun rays and inspirational words looks best when placed near a wall because it reflects beautifully. Serenity, Acceptance, Courage, and Wisdom are engraved on each panel.

[novamadison]

Elegant Alcoholics Anonymous Sobriety Coins

Buy commemorative AA coins from our web store, which also offers exquisitely crafted AA medallions, to celebrate your recovery. Get in touch with us right now!

[addison1992]

I don't have many people who support my sobriety, but my mom definitely is one of them! She ordered me this along with my 4 month sobriety coin! 🥳🤯 #aa #sober #clean #sobriety #soberlife #rehab #rehabilitation #alcohol #addiction #alcoholic #drink #coin #grateful #alive #mom #mother #support #love #family #care (at Hamiltons) https://www.instagram.com/p/Cc9xt-Hs7go/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[thefalckster]

The Healing Spirit of Recovery Sobriety Medallions Handcrafted into Recovery Rings; Custom, Made to Order by Christopher Lee Falck a Person in Long Term Recovery from the Disease of Addiction and Co-Occurring Mental Health Disorders. Bronze = $34.77 Bronze Powder Coated = $54.77 24K Gold Plated Bronze = $54.77 24K Gold Plated Bronze & Powder Coating = $77.77 Silver Plated Bronze = $54.77 Silver Plated Bronze & Powder Coating = $77.77 www.AllRecoveryRings.com I took up this hobby to Help Raise Awareness, Reduce STIGMA, and Share Our Experience, Strengths, and HOPE, Out Loud! Mission ~ Is to Strengthen Our Recovery Community by Peer to Peer Support, Public Education, and Advocacy. Vision ~ All Recovery Rings envisions a world where recovery from addiction to alcohol and other drugs is understood, promoted, embraced, and enjoyed, and where all who seek it have access to the support, care, and resources they need to achieve long-term recovery. Opposite of Addiction = Connection = Unity = Service www.MinnesotaRecovery.org Thank You for Taking the Time To Support Our Recovery Communities! I Would Love to Listen to a Piece of Your Recovery Story! Your Story Matters! AllRecoveryRings@gmail.com www.AllRecoveryRings.com #Sobriety #Sober #AA #NA #NarcoticsAnonymous #AlcoholicsAnonymous #RecoveryJewelry #SoberJewelry #Coins #Medallions #RecoveryRings #SobrietyRing #Spirit #Recovery #Serenity #TheWayOutCast #SoberAndSerious #RecoveryRevolution #SoberSquad #DoingItSober #RecoveryWorks #NAH #FacesAndVoices #Connection #Unity #Service #BeFulfilled #Freedom (at www.AllRecoveryRings.com) https://www.instagram.com/p/B8tUMpGg8Dh/?igshid=1iyq8g0y9jyud

[schoolbookdepository]

💊👼🏼 Cutting②②②✪︎ff my_f𝖎𝖓𝖌𝕰🅡Z i’m selling my dead son’s 24 hours of sobriety AA coin on ebay I’m I@‘ mimimim I’mm Imm goOp

[weedass]

in like 2017 my dad gave me a weird shiny coin for christmas and i was like lol is this a fucking Bit Coin and he was like no its an AA sobriety token