Geppetto: What is this? What kind of sorcery?
Pinocchio: You wanted me to live. You asked for me to live.
Geppetto: Who are you?
Pinocchio: My name is Pinocchio! I'm your son!
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i want to be a real boy, said the puppet to the fairy. i am too loud and too wooden. i cannot understand the softness of their skin.
when i lie, my nose grows. when i am lied to, nothing happens to them at all. they smile. their eyes shine, wet with salt-water. my wrists are bound with string, my ankles are threaded with wire.
when i open my mouth, out comes a scream, as a felled tree, bleeding sap. i've shattered the windows and bent the door.
i've broken my father's heart.
have i not given all i had within me to give? did i not shave myself hollow to offer a handful of wood chips and sawdust to anyone who would smile at me? my walls are thin, by now, and my voice is a haunting within my own head. when the sun is strong enough, it shines right through me.
as though i was made of glass, like the fine porcelain dolls in their fine silk dresses and their fine leather shoes. those chubby-red cheeks, polished to the noblest of shines.
smooth as aged pebbles, they do not hurt the palms that hold them unless dropped.
i have taken sandpaper to the high points of me. the rough, first, no matter how it hurt to hold it. no matter the mess. my father taught me well. i will not splinter if you touch me.
i will not lie. i will dance the dance, i will drink the drink, i will breathe only when i am told. i will sink this pining body into the sea. for my father, i will rot.
only make me soft. give me lungs and a beating, bleeding heart.
make me right, said the puppet to the fairy, make me whole.
silly little heartwood, said the fairy to the puppet, you are real. how else would you cry? there is nothing wrong with you.
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What if Adam loved god more than anything in the world
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Do you ever miss your own passion?
I was listening to an Alex Hirsch interview while getting some work done, and all I could think was, "Damn, I wish I was like this guy, I wish I still had that passion for art."
I miss being in college, and liking what i was doing so much that I could only see myself doing that for the rest of my life. Deep down, I know I still have that passion- I still enjoy creating things. If I didn't, I wouldn't be having these thoughts. But still, when I look at my favorite artists, friends, and ex-classmates, they all seem to have something I'm lacking and I'm not sure what it is.
am I just not as creative as I used to think I was?
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Concerned Teacher: You, um sir, *gestures vaguely to sooty crusted magic arm* are you always like that with your arm?
Kelmp: No. But it goes away most of the time. Thank you for asking. 😊
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a dryer full of damp bedding on an overcast day
yesterday i had a handful of gummi peaches, a bowlful of tater tots, and canful of knockout punch while fallie drew a map of the temple compound with little pieces of found plastic and finn described exploring a storage flat in the foothills filled with cars too far gone to move
last night i dreamt about broken taps, a suitcase full of hidden compartments, a too small room with a too small door and a ragged hole in the corner
today i'm having coffee with someone i haven't spoken to in quite a while, rereading suttree for the first time in too long a while, and cooking hamburgers on potato rolls while listening to too much townes van zandt
and i'm performing the rituals
tomorrow is our monthly lunch with my parents, where i will pretend not to notice my dad is still angry that i contradicted him weeks and weeks ago. topics of conversation will be the salaries of professional athletes, the minutia of my estranged brother's life, and the exact route of their planned drive to the panhandle.
maybe i will ask him to stop texting me bible verses every morning at four a.m. the wall of scripture uninterrupted by context or conversation that he has decided to build between us
instead, maybe i will ask him to text me a funny joke every morning at four a.m. or just a thing that made him smile. maybe i will ask him to tell me he hopes i am well every morning at four a.m. that i have a good day. that i find nourishment in this life. maybe i will ask him to tell me, every morning at four a.m., that he loves me
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