#a whole ass kindergartner on the team

[gayautobotwolves]

Okay but what if in the whole RiD tie in with the Autobot!Megatron au I’m doing, Optimus just doesn’t die, because I mean if we’re gonna bring him back anyways whats the point in him dying right?  I’m saying this because I think it’d be INSANELY funny if Optimus just sent Bee to Earth with vague instructions, and the show plays out (almost entirely) like it does in canon, but somewhere a bit before/shortly after Drift is introduced, Optimus and Megatron show up with their literal child (aka my bby Silverblaze) and just kinda stick around “What’s up bitches, the gay uncles and the baby are here to assist”

[jageshemashftw]

You know what? I’ve never watched Super Sentai before. Let’s just get real into Super Sentai.

Himitsu Sentai Gorenger Episode 1: The Crimson Sun! The Invicible Gorengers!

So the majority of the episode is basically just set-up, but it takes a sort of ‘middle of the story’ approach to the team’s origin story. You know, how they’ll have them already working together, already on their mission, and then later they might have a flashback to how they actually got started.

We do get a broad strokes idea, though. Basically, we got a GI Joe vs Cobra story with a paramilitary organization called EAGLE fighting a terrorist group called Black Cross. (Who’s leader inexplicably looks like he’s from the Ku Klux Klan for some reason)

That alone kinda threw me a bit. I’m coming at this series as a long time fan of Power Rangers, so having the main villains not be monsters and just… people in suits is kinda weird for me. (I mean, they’re always people in suits, but now it’s in-universe)

And these are full-blown terrorists too. Straight up merc-ing crowds of people with uzis and blowing up buildings. Black Cross came to wreck shit and kill people.

Hell, what little origin story we do get for the Gorangers (Is it Gorangers or Gorengers? I can never tell…) shows that they were all the last survivors of their respective EAGLE base getting absolutely slaughtered by Black Cross. Although I kinda have to laugh at the Green Ranger’s introduction. Literally, the only reason he survived the attack was because he was too busy feeding the base’s carrier pigeons. I like to believe he’s actually really low in the ranks of EAGLE but… he’s literally the only one left from his base, so might as well make him a Ranger.

Also, I don’t think the Red Ranger was even a member of EAGLE before Black Cross blew everything up. He was literally just playing soccer outside the base when shit went down and his brother (who apparently was EAGLE’s commander) got ganked. Maybe it was a company soccer game?

(As an aside, I’m probably going to refer to the team by Ranger color for a bit before I memorize their names. Sorry…)

We get a bit of a timeskip where they’re already in the Ranger suits and already know each other. Like I said, we’ll probably get a flashback that shows us their proper origin story, but this is good enough set up for now.

Most of our introductions to the Gorangers proper is them training with their respective weapons before getting an invite from the Red Ranger to get their asses over to a diner called Snack Con.

Blue Ranger has a bow. Yellow Ranger is pulling a truck up a mountain. Green Ranger has a boomerang. And the Pink Ranger has fucking grenades!

Fucking immediately, Pink is my favorite Goranger purely for that level of practicality. Like, guys, you are fighting actual fucking terrorists. Put the bows and boomerangs away and start packing! Pink’s got the right idea!

Also, Yellow pretty much instantly establishes himself as ‘the fat one’ by virtue of eating four fucking curry bowls at once. I feel bad for Blue who has to share a cockpit with him later.

Speaking of Blue, he’s apparently a… cowboy? Like, with the hat and a guitar and assless chaps and everything. Huh.

Apparently, they haven’t been the Gorangers for long, since they’re only just now being shown their base of operations, their Commanding Officer (who’s just a voice on a TV for now), and their vehicles, including some suped up motorbikes and their airship, the Variblune.

I know enough about Super Sentai to know that they won’t get their first ‘Megazord’ or mecha until the third series ‘Battle Fever J’. So the Variblune is pretty much the closest we’re gonna get. But it’s a pretty cool airship. It’s got flame decals, which you know EAGLE command really pushed for because it’s awesome.

So our Gorangers get their first mission: To rescue a school bus full of kindergartners who have been kidnapped by Black Cross for… evil reasons, I’m sure. Honestly, I think Black Cross just seriously felt like being dicks that day.

The Gorangers try to bust into a warehouse where the kids are being kept, but to no avail.

Our fearless Red Ranger remembers that Blue and Yellow are flying the Variblune above them, and gets a great idea to free the kids trapped inside.

Blow up the building.

I think that might be a bit of an extreme response, Red!!

Hey, the logic is sound! They can’t be the Black Cross’ prisoners if their all dead!

Thankfully, I guess ‘Blow up the building’ actually means ‘Use a giant claw machine grabber to punch a hole through the roof and pick the bus up out of the warehouse.’

Thank god Blue apparently understood that better than I did, or else this would have been a much different episode.

So, the Gorangers chase after Black Cross, including one general named Gold Mask who killed Red’s brother, and have themselves their first fight in the actual suits. We also get to see Red’s personal weapon, which is a whip.

I suppose now would be a good time to discuss the morphing sequence.

There is no morphing sequence.

There’s sort of been this running gag where Green tells Yellow a riddle. ‘What sort of lamp can’t be lit?’ And we have Yellow asking the other Gorangers about it, trying to figure out the answer.

The joke kinda gets a payoff in the fight scene where Yellow’s got one of the Black Cross henchmen in a chokehold and demands he tell him what kind of lamp can’t be lit. The henchman’s response.

“It’s so obvious. A trump.”

I don’t get it.

Also, apparently Pink’s got a second weapon… a mirror that she uses to flash light at her enemy’s face to blind them.

Yeah, I would stick with the grenades. Which I didn’t notice before, but the grenades are actually the heart shaped ‘earrings’ that are dangling off the side of her helmet. I would not put explosives that close to my own head, just saying.

The battle ends with the team employing ‘The Goranger Storm’.

Wow, some kinda cool team attack, finishing move. What’s it look like?

They kick a soccer ball around for a bit, kick it at the bad guy’s head and it explodes.

…

…

… Okey-Dokey.

Also, I feel the need to remind you that Gold Mask was the guy who killed Red’s brother. I feel like that should have been a more personal victory for Red, but they just kinda blow his ass up without much fanfare.

So that was the first episode of Gorengers and the first ever episode of Super Sentai as a whole.

All in all, I enjoyed it and I’m looking forward to the rest of the series. It definitely shows it’s age, but that can be both a strength and weakness sometimes. I’m not gonna do one of these for every single episode, but I’ll do one for episodes I feel are worth talking about.

[bellatrixxue]

Xue’s Supernatural Dare: Wendigo (S1 EP2)

Hello, everyone? How did everyone feel about the finale? Yes? Yes? Oh. Oh. Oh my. Oh, dear.

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeell that half-assed homophobic chicken-shit fuckbucket’s not gonna stop me, since I strapped myself onto this roller coaster already and I promised I’m not getting out until the ride’s over, so here we go, wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Also, those who are in this roller coaster with me, ready? Tag list is: @fangirlxwritesx67​ @amazingiam00​ @kalliravenne​ @indecisive20something​ @2musiclover2​ @impossibletosleepthrough @there-must-be-a-lock​ @wingedcatninja​ @arvit​

Oh my gods this recap is so cheesy I actually can make a fondue out of it. 2000s, everybody!

A WHOLE MINUTE AND A HALF FOR THAT FONDUE

FUCKJUMPSCARETITLEFUCKYOU

So we’re starting the episode with the murder scene first, eh? Is that gonna be a trend?

Oh come on, Chads, you’re out in nature and you’re playing video games? Absorb the nature...before it absorbs you!

Waitwait. Holy shit is that...is that Cory Monteith? Oh, bless his soul...

If the wendigo eats his dick as he’s peeing I’m immediately giving Jensen Ackles $100. For no real reason, I just feel like giving him money for already carrying the show on his back.

I can’t tell if it did or not, so I’m not paying yet.

Aw, Sammy...

"I should have told you the truth.” *Vine voice* BUT YOU DIDN’T

FUCKYOUINTHEASSHOhnightmare. Nightmare. So did he visit her at her grave or not? I need answers.

A week? Goddamn. Poor thing. That man-eating tree’s fucking good at his job, man.

“There’s nothing there, it’s just...woods,” Sam, I don’t know if Jess’s death hit you hard or if you got into law school by eating some ancient dick and/or pussy instead of earning that high score fair and square, but the woods “in the middle of nowhere” (your words) are known to be one of the top places full of weird-ass creatures. Even kindergartners know that.

Ehehehehehehehehe he’s so smol next to his lil bro my lil shit

At least you’re coming up with decent covers this time. No Agent Mulder and Scully ruining things for you this time around.

“Bull” oop-

Oh Dean’s a smoooooooooth operator. Good going, buddy.

AND HE GOT A COPY OF THAT DOCUMENT TEAM DEAN TEAM DEAN

Oh that death really got to Sam. I hope he doesn’t turn out to be a trigger-happy psycho. Or eat the man-eating tree and become one himself.

Oh, Haley’s a cutie! Which one’s her brother? Cory? Discount Enrique Iglesias?

Do you have a card for EVERY profession, Dean? And how do I get them too?

That is a very pretty car. I bet they wasted half the budget on that thing.

Okay, sonny boy, little bro, Broseidon, calm down.

Ah, fuck, Haley and Broseidon is gonna go into the woods, that’s more heads to worry about.

How the fuck does Sam find information this fast? I’m impressed, I take five hours to get to one article for my research paper. Or maybe I’m just lazy. So he really earned his law school interview without having to eat dick and pussy, huh.

Every 23 years? What is this, Pennywise? Are we going to see the wendigo do his best Tim Curry do his best scary clown impression? Honk honk?

“Whatever that thing is, it can move.” And the sun rises on the East, Sammy. Why are you so smart and dumb at the same time? Is this his character trait? It might grow on me.

Ahhh, so Sam’s go-to move at interrogation is doing puppy dog eyes and sympathize with the person. He’d make a good lawyer, shame that man-eating tree.

Go Grandpa Exposition, go!

Go Grandpa Exposition, go, give us information and none at all!

OH GEEZ THAT SCAR. PENNYWISE WENDIGO IS VICIOUS.

Skinwalker, Back Dog...Ooh, those all sound cool! I hope we get to see them soon!

‘Corporeal’ doesn’t sound like a real word, but then again, English doesn’t sound like a real language. Sorry. Moving on.

Sam’s gonna eat the wendigo with that attitude, Jesus Christ.

AND HIS BROTHER, AT THIS RATE. If the real villain turns out to be inside Sam all along I’m gonna flip. Is that why women keep dying and burning on ceilings where he sleeps? Is he secretly Lucifer’s spawn or something?

“Oh sweetheart I don’t wear shorts”. They queer-coded him from the start and they tried to make you believe he was straight for fifteen seasons straight? And some people bought that?

Oh, crap, another crappy death treatment for Cory before he got into Glee...No, I wasn’t into Glee, I just watched a few episodes and I might hate Rachel Berry...And Lea Michele...ahem...

Dean is totally flirting with Roy shut upppppppp

OOP AND THERE ROY GOES OH THE SEXUAL TENSION IS HIGH IN THESE WOODS TODAY

“It’s probably the most honest I’ve been with a woman. Ever.” See. Bi. Bi bi bi.

So...why the coordinates, Daddy Negan? Is this a portal to Hell? A place where man-eating trees grow?

*carefully places death flag on Roy*

Ooooh the campsite is very...haunted house-y. You know what I’m saying?

That’s not Discount Enrique Iglesias, but Pennywise wendigo, yes? Those things can mimic human voices, right?

*Google searches*...There are so many versions of this tale I can’t even confirm or deny it. Dammit.

Maybe Pennywise wendigo just wants some snacks and a nice phone and GPS? Maybe he misses his family in uh, Canada or something?

Daddy Negan’s journal is  a e s t h e t i q u e .

I’m so sorry, but the way Sammy smirks as he speaks with those dark, dark voids for eyes? My boy’s a demon. He’s a demon, I’m telling you.

At least Haley has some sense to her. *puts another death flag on Roy*

*PUTS YET ANOTHER DEATH FLAG ON ROY*

True, that. What the heck is Daddy Negan up to with all of this?

“Saving people, hunting things, the family business!” Okay, the way Dean said it gave me chills.

I can actually empathize with Sam here...As whiny and bitchy as he is, he has his reasons to be this way. I guess if I were in his shoes, I’d be less of a Dean and more of a Sam, too. We deal with our losses quite similarly.

Ah, the brotherly bonding moments like these little talks make the show worth it. It’s so heartwarming.

Pennywise wendigo! I didn’t miss you, why’re you here to burst my happy bubble?

I’m starting to see a slight parallel between Haley and Broseidon and Dean and Sammy. Hmm.

Nice meeting you, Roy. Zoop you go.

Haley and Broseidon are taking this rather well, I’m glad they do.

Okay, actual exposition time, thank you.

Whoa, Broseidon speaks! Donner Party! Please don’t remind me of that! Those poor people!

Hibernation and food storage. Delightful, just delightful.

TORCHING? *CALLS RAMMSTEIN*

Somehow, not being able to see the wendigo is scarier to me than what I will probably see itself. Limited budget horror can actually work well.

Oh, dear, Roy literally did a death drop. Badum tissssssssss.

FUCK IT TOOK DEAN THE ONLY CHARACTER I CARE ABOUImean I love you too, Sam! Come on, let’s find him before it’s too late!

A trail of M&Ms! Yes, Broseidon! And Hansel and Gretel refercalled it. Sammy, you and I share the same wavelength?

SHITSHITTHEYTRIPPEDANDFELLINTHEFUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

Thank the gods the Pennywise wendigo kept them right there. Chances.

DISCOUNT ENRIQUE IGLESIAS IS STILL ALIVE GEEZ BUT ALSO PHEW

Ah, Dean Winchester, I love you so much that I can’t even begin to describe it.

Also how convenient that the flare guns are there. Deus ex machina!

Haley would bode well as a hunter, look at her courage, her will. There are more hunters around than Daddy Negan and the brothers, right?

Yeah, seeing the actual wendigo makes me less scared of it now. It’s unnerving, but still.

TEAM DEAN YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHAW

Graphics are...alright, but it’s the thought that counts!

Running with the grizzly bear story. Smart Broseidon. Ben. Sorry, you deserve to be called by your real name. I think with practice they could become good hunters, along with their Discount Enrique Iglesias brother! Is there a fanfiction for that? Can I write it now?

...

I AM WILLING TO DIE TO PROTECT DEAN WINCHESTER I

Haley’s a lesbian, that’s why she kissed him on the cheek only. Headcanoned. Also I have a crush on her, she’s really pretty? Like? Heart eyes???

Ah, the siblings parallels again. Let’s hope neither of the two brothers end up in the bed like that.

“Man, I hate camping.” Really. Really really. Really.

“I’m driving”

...

SAM WINCHESTER I’M SORRY I EVER SPOKE ILL OF YOU I WILL PROTECT YOU WITH MY LIFE TOO I PROMISE YOU I WILL

It’s just a sassy bisexual brother and his little snide bisexual brother on the road to kill evil creatures and find their father and I love this show? Help? Help???

I really, really see the charm of Supernatural now! I’m fully invested in both brothers and their story, and I’m cheering them both on! Let’s get Daddy Negan back and get rid of that man-eating tree once and for all!

Six stars out of five!

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

This dare is introducing me to a whole new world, and I really, really am glad I took that jump a few days ago, man!

Thank you everyone for reading my ramblings, and I’ll see you in the day after with the next review! Thank you for sticking with me! Buh-bye!

- Xue

[smokeybrand]

NBA Rant: Hard Pill

This Kyrie Irving situation is wild to me, man. As a hooper, he’s one of the best. Dude, at the age of twenty-nine, has built a Hall-of-Fame career. Just a quick glance over his accolades makes that apparent. NBA Champion, seven time All-Star, All-Star MVP, Rookie of the Year, FIBA Cup MVP, and multiple Gold Medal winner. Dude got the game to back up the talk. For my money, he’s the best Point Guard in the NBA and, yes, that’s me saying that knowing Steph Curry exists. Curry isn’t a Point Guard, he’s a Shooting Guard that happens to play Point. There is a distinct difference. Kyrie is a facilitator first, scoring option second. Curry is the opposite. I understand that, in this era of position-less basketball, this isn’t really a thing but I'll take this distinction to the f*cking grave. Steph is as much a Point as Tim Duncan was a Power Forward. Duncan was not a Forward, by anyone’s estimation. He was definitely a Center but Pop played him at the Five for mismatch purposes. Steph is the same way but i digress. The bottom line is that Kyrie Irving is a f*cking monster which is why witnessing this whole goddamn quagmire fester in the public eye, is so f*cking intriguing to see.

Kyrie, as a player, is amazing. He has the ability to change the entire dynamic of a team. Put Kyrie on a squad with capable players and they are Playoff bound. Key word is “capable”. Those first few LeBron-less Cavs teams were awful Andrew Wiggins and Anthony Bennett won’t cut it. We saw what happen when he forced his way out of Cleveland after winning that title under Bron’s tutelage and signed with Boston. That team, on paper, was exceptional. However, the Kyrie they got was not the Kyrie they thought they would sign. Around that time, we found out dude is an idiot. Irving is a legit Flat-Earther and i just don’t understand. I’m a facts based cat. I like science and astronomy, and physics and math. I find comfort in the tangible and joy in solving problems. Theoretical physics is my playground. When a motherf*cker says some dumb sh*t like the earth is flat, something you can literally see is false by looking out of a window while flying on an airplane, i kind of lose faith in you. That’s base sh*t. That’s one-plus-one-equals-two level sh*t. Kindergartners know the earth is round. Kyrie is a whole ass adult. Who went to college. Who flies on private planes regularly for work. Bro, what? That said, it gets even more complicated. Kyrie is a f*cking dune but he’s a solid f*cking person.

Kyrie is an idiot. I just established that. Kyrie is also a full-on humanitarian. This man does good works regularly. Like, a lot of them. The sh*t he does to better the lives of people, just common motherf*ckers like you and me, is whole ass profound. His list of charitable accolades far outstrips his achievements as a hooper, by far. Just, a quick cliff notes of some of his philanthropy includes working for the betterment of the Standing Rock Sioux Tribe, whom were embroiled in that whole pipeline situation if you recall. He bought George Floyd’s family a house while marching in the streets and loudly advocating for the Black Lives Matter movement. He has paid off entire classes worth of student debt. He built a solar water stand in Pakistan. He has donating hundreds of thousands of dollars to food banks. The dude is about that life and i respect the f*ck out of it. In terms of impact, i think only LeBron’s I Promise School initiative has done more for our community than Kyrie. Dude is a solid motherf*cker, kind of an idiot, and is one of the best hoopers in the world. So why am i writing this? Because he’s a f*cking anti-vaxxer.

Kyrie subscribes to conspiracy theories. That was kind of hinted at above with the aforementioned flat-earth nonsense but that’s forgivable to an extent. Hell, i subscribe to conspiracy theories, too, but none of the wackiness like, you know, Jewish Space Lasers or Invisible reptilian Overlords. That sh*t is dumb. I don’t know if Kyrie believes that stuff specifically, but i don’t differentiate between idiocy. It’s all f*cking dumb to me. I do know he agrees with the conspiracy that the COVID vaccine is a shadow government plot to plug Black people into a computer for satanic purposes. That’s one of the dumbest sentences i have ever written in my entire f*cking life and i resent Kyrie for making me type it out. Because of stupid sh*t like that, Kyrie refuses to get the COVID shot. In the meantime, New York has implemented a Statewide mandate that, if you plan to be a business in any capacity, you have to be vaccinated. Since the Nets play in Brooklyn, that entire organization is vaccinated EXCEPT for Kyrie. That means, even though he is still under contract for millions of dollars, he can’t legally play in Brooklyn. No Home games whatsoever, until he gets the shot. He’s not going to get the shot. So Away games, right? Not so fast because several other States have implemented the same restrictions. California is one of those and they have four teams, three of which are contenders for a Finals appearance. That would mean Kyrie couldn’t play in ANY of those games. If his team makes it to the chip, he can’t help them win because he’s not vaccinated. Because Bill Gates and the Illuminati has chipped everyone in order to upload us to the Satan’s Matrix.

What the f*ck do the Nets do about this sh*t? They can’t move him because his trade value is super low and he’d still have all the playing restrictions across the league as they are State sanctioned. It’s obvious they’re already fed up with his bullsh*t because the team pulled his extension offer and he’s in the last year of his current contract. Dude has a Player Option so i imagine he’d opt in next year and see where the social climate is about these shots. If he comes back, how can you keep him another year? He’s lost the trust of the organization. It’s very obvious his teammates are frustrated with him. Hell, Kevin Durant left Golden State to come play with him and Kyrie has effectively abandoned him. KD could have a dynasty right now but he chose to team up with one of the flakiest motherf*ckers to ever make The Association. Beyond that, Brooklyn signed LaMarcus Aldridge this season, too. LA retired early because he has a heart condition. Dude is literally a high risk person. How the f*ck does he feel knowing one of those guys you’re supposed to bang with, won’t get the shot? He is literally putting LA’s life at risk with this bullsh*t! This is a mess, man, and i don’t see how Kyrie cleans it up enough to stay in the league after next season. Memory is short, especially if you win, but two seasons is a long time to damage your reputation.

[mersuperwholocked-lowlife]

Ant-Man

Word Count: 619

Characters: Sam Wilson, Bucky Barnes, Steve Rogers, Stark!Reader, Scott Lang (brief)

Pairings: Sam Wilson x Platonic!Stark!Reader

Warnings: none, just crack

A/N: well, this is just how i feel when I saw that scene

Masterlist

“Dude, I saw the camera. What the hell just happened?” you smiled, giving Sam a look.

“What does it look like happened?” he sighed.

He kicked his feet up, sitting on the couch.

“It looked like you got beat up by air. You sure you can handle being an avenger?” you held in your laugh, showing him the security cameras.

“It wasn’t air. It was a guy. And he stole something,” Sam groaned.

“Oh my god! That wasn’t a guy, Falcon, that was an ant!” you exclaimed, letting out all your laughs.

“Let me see that,” he pulled the tablet away from you, as you whined in annoyance.

“I don't know what video you’re talking about…. cuz this video is gone,” he quickly deleted it.

“Like I didn’t make 100 copies. Dude, that ant beat your ass,” you laughed loudly, pointing and teasing him.

“Shut up,” he gave you a look, turning his head away from you.

“I don’t know what all the codes mean. What the hell is the ant and how did it beat up Sam?” Steve and Bucky ran into the room, reading your text.

You continued laughing, as you collapsed onto the ground.

“You told them? Yeah, great. Tell the whole world,” he sighed.

“There’s no code! An ant beat him up!” you laughed.

You stood up, running to Steve and Bucky and showing them the video.

“But there’s nothing there. Was it invisible?” Bucky squinted his eyes, looking at the camera.

“Look here,” you zoomed in, enlarging Scott as he fought Sam.

“So, a tiny dude in an ant suit beat an avenger? That says a lot,” Steve smirked, crossing his arms.

“The best part is I have to come tell my dad that an ant got past his security and a member of his precious team,” you crossed your arms.

“Hold on now, Stark doesn’t need to know about this,” Sam jumped up.

“Yeah, he kinda does. Bye!” you ran out of the room, with Sam chasing behind you.

----

“Honestly, I’m surprised that you’re choosing my side, (Y/N), but thank you,” Steve told you as you entered the airport.

“I love my dad, but we can’t operate under the government. I’ll do anything I can to explain that to him,” you nodded your head.

“Now, I’ll introduce you to the rest of them. I bought your personal favorite,” Steve gave you a small smile as Clint and Wanda came out of an old white van.

“It’s good to see you again, Clint,” you nodded your head.

He hit the door of the van, waking up a man who was lying in the backseat.

“Whoa, what timezone are we in?” he jumped up, hopping out of the van.

“Uh, not familiar with him,” you raised an eyebrow, giving Cap a look.

“My name is Scott Lang. Hi,” he put his hand out.

“Hey, tic-tac,” Sam greeted.

“Why does that sound familiar…. wait a minute,” you paused, realizing who he was.

“Oh my god! Wait! You’re Scott! Y-You’re the ant! Oh my god!” you exclaimed, laughing at Sam.

“It's been a year, short stack, give me a break,” Sam said, clearly annoyed.

“You know, I gotta say, if tic-tac here could beat you, I bet I can. Hell, I bet a kindergartner could too,” you smirked.

He rolled his eyes before turning back to Scott.

“Falcon, sorry about that whole thing,” Scott apologized.

“There is absolutely no need to apologize. I gotta say, you really made my day, watching that video over and over again. It’s great blackmail on Sam,” you thanked Scott.

“Uhm, thank you. I think,” he smiled.

“I hate you,” Sam said.

“No, you don’t. Now, let’s talk about a plan.”

[bluboothalassophile]

I honestly don't understand DC always trying to undermine Raven's powers. I read the current comics that she's in and it is so poorly written and boring. They suck at character development and its so fucked up that she's always brushed aside. And also I'll never forgive them for killing Roy and they keep fucking up Jason. These guys went through a lot and I just wanna see them be happy and I want to see more batfamily moments and team ups like in Batman and Robin Eternal.

Hello,

Reasons I am mad about Canon Raven:

She’s ALWAYS depowered; always, and she is literally the very definition of an over powered character. 

When they attempt to over power her again they fuck it up; like in Titans with Raven’s ‘telepathy’; she’s a fucking empath! NEVER has she been a telepath!

She has never been utilized outside of the Titans; which is infuriating on many levels. Because she needs to go solo; with a big comic or go to JL Dark or hell, team her up with Lucifer! I don’t know, but something outside of the fucking Titans!

Her solo series, while hold much promise are always cut short, or tie into nothing about her canon life.

They just severed her connection with her aunt and cousins, further isolating her again.

I am royally pissed that her connection with Victor Stone, a.k.a. Cyborg, (which I think is canonly her BEST familiar relationship EVER, their dynamic is amazing; it’s also an amazing dynamic for Victor too! So why was it cut!?) has been severed, was briefly rekindled only to be discarded again.

She’s always de-aged; sorry @chromium7sky, but I really hate that because I really think she should be about Jason and Tim’s age, hell, I’d even settle her being Dick’s age, just enough de-aging her! At this rate; and I’m sorry @impulse-goblin, she’ll be a RobRae with Carrie Kelley or Matt McGinnis! Which is so not okay because DC is screwing her over royally.

Marv, her creator, can no longer write her well to be engaging; which is sad.

She’s been royally dumbed down; which really fucking pisses me off, because even though N52 SUCKED BALLS, Raven, while bitchy, was always eager to learn; it’s one of her defining traits! She’s super smart, she’s engaging, she’s empathetic and kind, and rebirth has made it so she struggles with school. -.- Explain that to me, please, she’s never been stupid or struggled learning before. And I get trying to connect with modern readers, and making characters relateable, but that was just plain fucking stupid. There are other characters you can do that with, using Raven does not help in anyway.

I will not get into my issues with N52, there’s many, but mainly: WTF is up with Raven’s Entire Personality!? I mean don’t get me wrong, I loved the design she had, and I loved her on Tim’s team, also their entire friendship was amazing, but WTF, what a Bitch. I wanted to smack her.

They either forget she is a magic user, or they forget she’s a demon with demon abilities or something, but it always seems like one or the other is missing with her.

Off side key irritation too: How come her father doesn’t play a larger part of the DC universe and getting heroes to fear him? I mean come on! Titans plays him up to be like Darksied or Lucifer level of terrifying, and the DC universe: Who’s Trigon? WTF is that about!? You want the Only Daughter Of Trigon to have meaning, to show her power, then why the fuck isn’t Trigon more widely known and feared!? Come On People! We have Darksied’s ENTIRE Family feared, but you want to play Trigon off as eviler than Darksied but the entire DC universe outside Titans is like: Who the Fuck is Trigon!?

Kay, Metal hinted at her connection and importance to the Multiverse, but the DC, I don’t know… Forgot? And somehow the entire reason for her being captured, isolated and singled out by the Batman Who Laughed was forgotten. Granted my favorite panel of her and Victor happened because of that, but seriously; MAJOR PLOT HOLE DC! Come on, we aren’t Marvel, cease these plot holes in your big labels! Be grown ups!

Mainstream Raven hurts my Raven loving heart. But her counterparts are pretty cool, like on Earth 1 or Bombshells or the recent Titans movies, definitely liked her in the Titans live action show, and obviously I loved her in the cartoon; not Titan’s Go as that has helped in destroy her and the Titans. 

Now, my issues with Heroes Crisis:

King. Fucking cock teasing bastard tormented us with BatCat for over a year, getting them to the fucking alter then he did that fucking stunt; hell yes I am pissed still, and I am no less angry going into Heroes Crisis.

Kay, now for real.

I have major issues with the plot, thus far, because there doesn’t seem to be one.

Killing Roy and Wally did nothing to further a plot, or even engage in the plot and has just furthered to hurting surrounding characters.

Killing Roy was fucked up and senseless; as a writer I find that appalling.

Killing Wally was unnecessary; especially after all the fucking trouble we had gone through to get that speedster back! I mean COME ON! It’s like you brought him back solely to kill him off, and if that’s the case, someone smack a brain into King’s fucking head.

While the premise of Heroes Crisis was engaging and interesting to read the idea for it, it has been a dismal affair.

Why the fuck are your only suspects Harley Quinn and Micheal Carter, a.k.a. Booster Gold? No seriously want to explain that!? 

There is NO WAY Harley would ever hurt or kill Ivy, just no, and DC I don’t care about trying to cater to people and convincing all of Harley and Ivy are straight, it just wouldn’t happen. Ivy and Harley are in love, and I sincerely doubt, that despite EVERYTHING Harley has done in her life, that she would ever kill the woman she loved.

Also, Micheal Carter has selflessly saved the timeline multiple times, and done so without recognition. Yes, he can be full of himself, but where the hell did King come to the conclusion that Carter was a sociopathic narcissist? Someone please explain the basics of human nature to King; PLEASE! For the love of God, someone! I expect this crap from Lobell!

Now to my fury with the Batfamily in it’s current state:

Rebirth presented us with fairly healthy dynamics between the Batfamily members; which was refreshing as all get out, but now… I’d like to rip DC’s heart out and shove it up their ass for what they’ve done.

First, they allowed King to be the ultimate cock tease! Bastard built up the fucking BatCat wedding to be the wedding of the goddamn century; going to make comic history! And he fucks us over like we’re a two cent whore whilst simultaneously destroying the Batfamily.

Second: who the fuck even ALLOWED Lobdell into DC again to write!? I mean really!? Did you asshole not learn your lesson the first time!?

Third, wtf is up with Ric Grayson; I get it, we’re all exceedingly immature for taking an actually socially acceptable nickname from the 1930′s and perverting it into penis jokes. But news flash, Dick’s character has evolved with taking that in stride and laughing it off. Changing his name only pisses us off and furthers our desires to make dick jokes. 

Fourth: What the fuck are you guys even doing allowing Lobdell near Jason? I get it Lobdell is some ‘big shot’ good ‘big name to have on a comic’ but his writing is shit, I’ve read better stories from Kindergartners. Lobdell is like the Russo brothers of DC, please remove him from our premise, and I petition for us, the fans, to take custody of Jason from Lobdell for the sake of global comic peace. The Dude Can Not For The Love Of God Write. I’m surprised he even knows how to arrange letters on a piece of paper to form words honestly.

Why aren’t Duke and Cass B’s kids? No seriously? Why!? We all know those are his favorite two kids, so wtf are they doing… anywhere else but with the Bats?

Why is Babs Batgirl? Don’t go with that female empowering crap answer, just don’t, she was a better icon as Oracle than as Batgirl. She’s long since outgrown the role, and she had grown beautifully into the role of Oracle, so run this by me again: Why did we take a beautiful survivor, who created empowerment for people with disabilities while remaining a strong female lead and turn her back into Batgirl? Seriously? Someone explain that to me!?

Thank God DC hasn’t fucked up Tim yet, but Can We Please Stop With Evil Batman Tim!? Tim doesn’t even want to be Batman! He Never Has Wanted To Be Batman!

WTF did you do with Damian’s character development? He is not this baby raging Bat anymore who seeks to kill everyone who crosses him. Also what the hell was up with the whole Dami’s got a secret prison thing? That lead to nothing and has since been dropped, but seriously people, who is the lead brain in DC right now allowing this shit!?

Again, I must ask, what’s up with evil Bat futures; have we NO HOPE that these boys can grow up and actually be decent people!? Really. I want to know. I don’t get the options you’ve given these heroes.

Why does B have a double standard when it comes to Kate and Jason; and don’t say it’s because Jason’s killed, Damian’s killed and B is trying to be a good dad to him, so what’s up with this shit!? Is it really so much easier to have the rift between B and Jay than attempt to amend it!? If B has a problem with Jason using guns then the same problem should be applied to Kate; I don’t care about her likability, she’s a bitch and the double standard should cease.

And why is Jason trying to connect with Willis Todd? Willis was an abuse fucker or did Lobdell for get his own canon material again? Someone please remove Lobdell from DC premises! PLEASE! Send him to Marvel or something, I don’t care, but stop allowing him to fuck over Jason because he wants to!

Now, again, I’m brought to the double standards B has and his own reckless behavior. DC please, either find a ethics and morals person to join your writing team, or grow a fucking brain because you are precariously close to having Batman become the killer and the villain.

Why are we isolating the Bats again, when they were so connected at the start of Rebirth? I want to read about the Batfamily BEING A Family! Not this divide and pit against each other crap. 

The worst part of all this is, Rebirth actually started off great! Now it’s a flaming pile of wreckage and I almost wish we’d go back to N52 if only to stop watching the same trainwreck over and over happen.

[megaphonemonday]

gotta do what you’ve gotta do

romanceisreal: My favorite team (the Cubs) sometimes dress up for road trips (they did a 70s day, biker gang etc.) to improve morale. I vote the Padres adopt this trend and Al lets Ginny pick the theme!

I hope no one is surprised that I took the opportunity to let Ginny troll the team. 

read on ao3

“I feel like a kindergarten teacher,” Al grumbled, “assigning classroom chores.” 

Any disgruntlement in the complaint was belied by the fact that the Skip’s hand was already swirling through the blizzard of paper in Sonny’s hat, which had been sacrificed to the cause because, as Dusty put it, “You’ve got a big ass head, dude.” 

Nevertheless, even a big ass hat was put to the test by the magnitude of its current task, a few chits threatening to spill over its brim. Nearly every Padre had jumped—judging by the far more than 24 slips tumbling around Al’s hand, Mike suspected some had jumped more than once—at the chance to pick the first (of what he hoped to God would be the last) theme for costumed team road trips. 

That’s right. Costumed. Team. Road trips. 

The front office had decided that if it was good enough for the Nats and the Cubs, it was good enough for the Padres.

To be fair, the mere idea had already worked some wonders on team morale. Mike couldn’t remember the last time there were so many players left in the clubhouse so long after a game without the involvement of ski goggles, champagne, and bad behavior. But here they all were, eagerly waiting on their manager to pick one of their names out of a hat. 

Maybe they really were all kindergartners, just aching to be made teacher’s pet.

Not that Al was doing anything to quell the hushed thrum of expectation coursing through the room. The opposite was true, actually. He was taking his own sweet time. All he needed was to pick a piece of paper and read the name on it, which did not require the whole production this little ceremony had turned into. It just went to show that for all his grumbling, there was no chance Al wasn’t enjoying the hell out of this. 

Didn’t matter that he’d told Mike in private this whole ordeal was a disaster waiting to happen; he’d still gone along with Oscar and would milk the opportunity for all it was worth. 

Mike sighed and slumped further in his chair, just barely reining in the impulse to cross his arms over his chest and huff impatiently. He didn’t want to look petulant. (Didn’t want to hear he’d looked petulant from a certain pitcher, more like.) At the same time, though, if they didn’t get this show on the road, and soon, his knees would be the size of grapefruits in the morning.

“Nothing in kindergarten’s that random anymore,” Salvi pronounced sagely from his spot sprawled on one of the couches. He would know. The past four years, he’d had at least one kid in kindergarten. None of 'em had been held back, either. The Salvamini brood was just that plentiful.

Al rolled his eyes and finally plucked a slip from the hat. Of course that wasn’t the end of it, though. He unfolded the bit of paper, hummed seriously as he considered the name it revealed, and otherwise left his team nearly falling off the edges of their seats in suspense. 

Well, most of them. 

Personally, Mike had only put off his post-game ice bath so he’d have an idea of what—and whose sick sense of humor—he was about to be subjected to. As captain, it was probably better if he kept his name out of the running for this “honor.” 

Probably. 

Well, whatever. He was deeply unwilling to deal with the inevitable bitching and moaning that would erupt if he got picked, so his name stayed out of Sonny’s hat. 

Looking around the room, Mike started to regret that decision, if only because he wanted at least a shot, however slim, at preserving his dignity. The only way that would happen, he just knew, was if it was his name plucked from that hat. 

Because judging by the wicked gleam in his teammates’ eyes—Blip—they had nothing good planned. 

And why would they? This newest PR stunt provided the perfect opportunity to enact some petty vengeance—which was probably not reflected of the front office’s analytics. But that was just their failure to take into account the one truth of all sports, amateur and professional alike: in any clubhouse, for any team, there was always a need for petty vengeance.

Mike knew it, though. And so, he resigned himself to his likely fate.

If it made the guys feel better to make him wear something ridiculous just to get on a plane, and it smoothed over some of his fuck ups from last season, Mike would play along. If not cheerfully, then at least without too much complaint.

If Skip would stop drawing out this whole ordeal, he would, at least.

Finally, Al cleared his throat and looked around the room, pinning each of his players with a hard stare and otherwise reveling in their eager anticipation. After a long pause that went beyond flirting with the dramatic and instead had it already smoking a post-coital cigarette—no one could say Al Luongo didn’t harbor an appreciation for the theatric—he announced, “Baker. First choice is yours, kid.”

As one, every set of eyes in the clubhouse swiveled to the team’s fifth starter where she stood leaning against the wall, arms crossed over her chest. To her credit, she remained cool under the scrutiny, merely tilting her head to the side before nodding once, decisive. 

“When do you want my pick?”

Al shrugged. Now that his moment was done, he was back to general disdain for the whole endeavor. “We leave for Colorado in a week. Give ‘em a day or two, but otherwise I don’t wanna hear about this again, understood?” That last was directed not just to Ginny, but the team as a whole.

There was a chorus of agreement and their manager hmphed, shaking his head and retreating to his office. 

As soon as he was gone, though, attention—still hushed and more than a little tense—swung right back to Ginny, who at least had the grace and presence of mind not to look too smug about whatever she had planned. 

Because judging by the look in her eyes, Mike could tell that she had something planned. 

“So,” drawled Butch, breaking into the uncharacteristic quiet, “what’s the damage here, Baker? How bad are you gonna embarrass us?”

Mike wasn’t smart enough to look away when her eyes swept over the room and seemed to linger a beat longer on him. Instead, he stared back, gaze locked with Ginny’s, almost daring her to bring it on. 

Something bright and dangerous burned in her gaze, kicking into high gear when she realized she had his attention. (As if she ever didn’t.)

A smirk fought with her placid expression, but innocence won out. Ginny blinked and opened her big, brown eyes wide and guileless. No one was fooled. Especially not when she answered, “I haven’t decided yet. But I’m sure you’ll all look great.”

If Ginny’s intention in the next five days was to whip her teammates into a frenzied froth of worry about the potential damage to their—largely inflated, in Mike’s opinion—street cred, she did an admirable job of it. More than admirable. Masterful.

Not once did she give a teammate a straight answer on any of her plans. She didn’t even give a slanted answer. Or any answer at all, really. It wasn’t for lack of effort on the team’s part. 

Mostly, she’d reply with an enigmatic, if pitying, smile. Sometimes, though, Ginny showed off her truly troubling command of psychological warfare. She had an unnatural knack for drawing out some of their worst fears—like the way she got Hanan to admit to his recurring nightmare where she had them all wearing hyper-realistic masks of one another and he couldn’t figure out who was who—and then responding with a considering hum, like she was tucking away the idea to mull over. 

Since, on more than one occasion, she left cryptic lists with such worryingly disparate items as “rainbow body glitter” and “viking helmets” and “Care Bears???” around the clubhouse—probably for the express purpose of being found—Mike was inclined to think she was just fucking with them and taking a lot of pleasure in the resulting meltdowns. 

(Inclined because she hadn’t given him a straight answer, either. And he’d asked so nicely too.) 

When she consistently denied any knowledge of these lists, smile wavering between bemused and benign, to whichever teammate brought the latest to her attention, he became sure.

Ginny wasn’t stupid. Far from it, actually, which was more than he could say for some of his teammates. She’d pick—had probably already picked—something that was fun and, yeah, likely embarrassing, but it wouldn’t be the catastrophe so many Padres feared. Ginny liked messing with them all, maybe a little too much even, but she wasn’t going to risk stirring up real shit so early in the season. She was still coming off her injury and it was clear the team trainers were prepared to pull her for the slightest whiff of a relapse. No way she’d put her spot in the rotation in jeopardy for a wholly separate issue.

Which wasn’t to say that Mike wasn’t a little worried about what was going to unfold—the field day the media’d have or how many pictures of him in something regrettable would circulate on Twitter by the end of the day, clogging his mentions—but none of it was because of Ginny. 

Of all his teammates, Ginny was the least likely to pick something specifically to make him look bad. 

Supplying booze and food every Thursday in Arizona had done a lot to rebuild the team’s goodwill, but Mike knew better than to think that last season’s near-trade fiasco was forgotten. He wouldn’t put it past one of them to take the opportunity to teach him yet another lesson about team loyalty. 

What could he say? Petty vengeance.

But there was far more than a bungled trade attempt hanging between him and Ginny.

Not that they were talking about that. And not that not talking about it had gotten great results.

Don’t get him wrong; Ginny’d crushed it in Spring Training, but that was in spite of whatever the hell was bubbling up between them, not because of it. She was a gamer and Mike was willing to admit that he had nothing on her ability to focus on the game above and beyond anything else.

It didn’t matter how many dangerous looks and almost-moments had passed between them in Peoria. It didn’t matter that Mike still found himself staring at Ginny far longer than he should or itching to call her before he went to bed, let her voice lull him to sleep. It didn’t matter that every inning he played with her, every day that passed, he was more and more sure he didn’t want a life without Ginny Baker in it.

There were lines that he— she— they shouldn’t be crossing. Shouldn’t even consider crossing until he wasn’t her captain. No matter how much he, she, they—God, he hoped it wasn’t just him—might want to.

Which was why Mike was mostly going to stay out of this whole costumed road trip thing and just let it happen. 

Unfortunately—or not if that meant he was the only one dealing with this quandary—no one else was taking his lead. Seven straight days Mike was forced to listen to his teammates try to alternately cajole and bully a real answer out of Baker. He couldn’t count the ways they’d tried to get her to spill, offering up food, faulty logic, even favors, paying far too much attention to the one woman in the world who didn’t need more of it.

Mike was at his wit’s end. And not just because Ginny suddenly had so much less time to tease him, specifically, when she was working on pulling one over on the entire team.

So it was no wonder that, on the day of her deadline, Mike’s teeth were already on edge even as he went through the motions of priming his body to play.

“Not even one hint?” Stubbs wheedled, aiming what he probably thought were puppy eyes at Ginny where she sprawled on one of the couches, trying to go over hitters for her next start.

“You’ll find out after the game,” she returned without even looking up. She didn’t even sound interested in playing with them all anymore, the tick in her jaw telegraphing her annoyance for anyone watching closely enough to see. 

Which, apparently, was just Mike.

Salvi came and flopped down just next to her feet, squashing himself against the armrest. Rolling her eyes, she drew her legs back in, grudgingly ceding him the cushion. Just in time for him to ask, “You weren’t serious about that list, right? The one with the chaps and the sequined vests?”

“Uh, sure,” Ginny replied absently.

“Sure, you weren’t serious or sure, you were?”

“Yep.”

Salvi gave up, but someone else was willing to take on the fight.

“How about the Minions costumes? Those things’ve invaded my nightmares. My kids won’t stop watching those fucking movies.”

Rather than reassure Butch, though, Ginny remained silent. Apparently, only Mike could tell it was just because she was too caught up turning someone’s heat map over in her mind, trying to puzzle her way into an assured strikeout. 

“Baker, you can’t do that to me. My girl’s never gonna let me live it down!”

“Yeah, you gotta give us a hint!”

“C’mon, Baker.”

“Ginny, please?”

That was more than enough of that. And not just because Robles was practically pouting, flashing hopeful looks her way. 

“Jesus H. Christ, shut the hell up!” Mike exclaimed, exploding to his feet and throwing his water bottle into his locker. He didn’t wait for quiet to descend, just wheeled on the room and barreled on, shouting through the ache his jaw had earned grinding his teeth for the past week. “Would you listen to yourselves? All this fucking whining over a stupid costume!”

Shaking his head in disgust and electing to ignore the curious glint in a certain pitcher’s eye, Mike took a deep breath.

“You’re all acting like a bunch of goddamn babies,” he sneered, staring down a suddenly cowed group of grown ass ballplayers. Fucking good. They should be embarrassed. They were fucking embarrassing. “Quit riding Baker’s ass worrying about what she’s gonna make you wear and start worrying about the game we’re supposed to play today. Or did you all forget that’s why we’re here?” 

There was a chorus of sheepish agreement, a few apologies tossed Ginny’s way, and ballplayers began dispersing to their lockers to finish getting ready or grab their gear and head for the field. For his part, Mike dropped back into his seat, moodily taping up his fingers and ignoring every Padre left in the clubhouse until he had a better handle on his irritation. 

Even when one of them kicked his chair. 

Ginny huffed, nudging Mike’s knee with hers when he didn’t react. Since it seemed unlikely that she’d go away until he at least acknowledged her presence, he lolled his head to the side, peering up at her.

“You doin’ okay there, cap?” she drawled, raising one sardonic eyebrow even as her lips curved in a faint frown. Clearly, she didn’t just mean his outburst; she actually looked worried about him.

“I’m fine,” he replied, gruff, though he did do his best to release some of the tension in his shoulders. Since her mouth straightened out at that, he figured he was at least halfway successful. “Be better when this is all behind us. You sure you’ve got something planned? Something good enough to make up for this circus?”

A wicked grin took root and blossomed on Ginny’s face, nearly knocking the breath straight from Mike’s wholly unprepared lungs. Backing away and still grinning, she assured, “Oh, I’ve got something planned, all right.”

“There’s no way you already had this planned,” Mike grouched as the woman responsible for his current predicament slid into her seat across the aisle from him. He looked forward to the day that she could just sit next to him the way they had almost all of last season. Though considering what she—and he, to be honest—was wearing, it was probably better to have a little distance. 

Ginny grinned and Mike would’ve gotten lost in the brilliance of it if Salvi hadn’t sauntered by, pale, hairy legs interrupting his view. Jesus Christ, where were the man’s pants? 

And why the hell had he wondered that more than once—and for more than one person—today?

Oh, right. Ginny’s chosen theme.

Why so many of them had gone so hard for Ginny’s choice, Mike would never understand. They’d been so concerned she would embarrass them and then they go and do it to themselves.

Well, it wasn’t as if a theme like “Pre-K Padres” didn’t give them plenty of opportunity to do so.

(”Listen,” she’d said as she announced her pick after the game, “and I’m not gonna say this often, so get your phones out to record this for posterity,” she paused there, milking the moment as masterfully as she’d played every last Padre over the past week, “but Lawson was right.” That earned a round of chuckles and prompted an exaggerated eye roll from Mike. He meant it a little, but given the way Ginny was grinning, dimples tucked deep into her cheeks, it was hard to be truly annoyed.)

She laughed and Mike was glad to have another reason to turn his attention away from Salvi’s diaper-clad ass and the water fight Stubbs and Butch were conducting with their oversized baby bottles. “No, but it would’ve been amazing if I had.”

“Amazing might be pushing it,” he grumbled, shifting in his seat. Not from any discomfort, though. Mike wasn’t ashamed that this thing he was wearing was more comfortable than he’d expected, but he also wouldn’t be admitting it to anyone. If he didn’t immediately donate it to Goodwill when this day was over, that was his business and his alone.

So what if the last time he’d worn footie pajamas, he’d been five and just starting kindergarten? A man didn’t outgrow comfort. 

Adding to his comfort level was the fact that Ginny’d fallen into his—and the saner members of the Padres organization—camp when deciding on her costume. 

It was bad enough that his dream of never seeing a single one of his teammates in an adult-sized diaper—even if they were the costume ones from Party City or something—had gone up in flames today. If she’d done it, too, he’d have to murder something.

Because prolonged exposure to Ginny Baker’s bare legs would leave him in serious need of a defibrillator by the end of the day. Much better that she went the footie pajama route. Well, mostly better. At least this way, Mike didn’t have miles and miles of smooth, brown skin to be distracted by.  

He'd stick to the normal levels of distraction Ginny Baker inspired off the field, thanks.

She did, after all, look downright adorable in her Padres-branded onesie. Dressed as she was, it was all too easy to imagine her curling up in bed, ready to fall asleep. From there, it was just a hop, skip, and a jump for Mike’s overeager imagination to picture himself tucked around her, either drifting off, too, or more intent on keeping them both awake a little longer—

And that was why the aisle currently separating them was a good, a necessary, thing. 

Mike shook himself and refocused his mind on the more academic question of where the hell Ginny’d even found a Padres onesie, let alone one in her size. The only one he’d managed to track down that even came close to fitting was plain red, more like long underwear than anything a little kid might wear. But it wasn’t as if he was fooling anyone anyway, not with a full beard and 210-odd pounds of muscle. The onesie did fit a bit snug around his thighs and across his chest, but it got the job done well enough to avoid any heckling from his teammates.

At least his didn’t have an ass flap. Unlike Dusty’s.

The fact that Ginny’s attention didn’t waver for a second, even in the face of Dusty’s bare ass going by, her eyes firmly on Mike and the slightly strained buttons marching down his chest didn’t mean anything. It definitely didn’t make him puff up and put those buttons under just a little more strain. 

No, of course not.

Her eyes flickered back up to his, pupils blown out and cheeks a shade pinker than normal. Mike tried to tell himself it was just the fleece of her costume making her warm. He was only mildly successful. 

Still, she rallied admirably. “What did I say, Lawson? You were totally right,” Ginny teased, tongue poking out from the corner of her mouth and making him even more aware of how much he wanted to taste it than he usually was. And he was usually very aware of that fact. “They’re a bunch of babies. Might as well dress them like it.”

“Remind me never to get on your bad side,” he laughed, locking away that desire for another time. 

“You really need the reminder?” She laughed, too, but her brows drew down just enough for Mike to glimpse the undercurrent of worry.

He couldn’t have that. Ginny wasn’t close enough for him to reach out for her hand or shoulder, or anywhere safe enough for him to touch, but he could put all his assurance, his confidence, in his ready reply.

“No.” 

“Good.”

It wasn’t talking about it, literally not even in the realm of talking about it, but that was just fine in Mike’s book. Not that he didn’t want to talk about it. He definitely did, and sooner rather than later if he was being honest, just— 

What he didn’t want was for that conversation to take place while he was wearing footie pajamas. 

Ginny could keep hers, though.

“Yeah, Baker,” he said anyway. “It’s definitely good.”

Her responding smile, just a quick quirk of her lips really, told him everything he needed to know. She was on the same page. At this point, he couldn't ask for much more. 

Except then, without any prompting, Ginny squared her jaw, picked up her backpack, and slid across the aisle into the empty seat next to him. She didn't do anything so obvious as lean her head against his shoulder, but her knee did press against his and her fingers trailed across the back of his for a moment before elbowing him off the arm rest. 

“Still good?”

Swallowing to keep the surging tide of emotion in check, he nodded and managed a hoarse, “Yeah,” in response.

It wasn't winding himself around her in bed, even just to sleep, but Mike had a hard time imagining that anything could really top this. And all because of a stupid PR campaign. 

Well, Mike was a big enough man to admit when he was wrong, if only to himself. Maybe, he considered as Ginny's shoulder pressed into his bicep and a stray curl brushed against his neck, just maybe, the front office isn’t full of number crunchers with terrible ideas. If the next one got him a payoff half as good as this—Mike couldn’t fathom how this, Ginny as close to tucked against his side as they could come with an armrest trapped between them, on a bus surrounded by their teammates too, could ever be equalled short of a new MLB mandate encouraging intra-team relationships—he might even consider going along with their next bright idea.

For now, though, he’d be keeping that thought, as well as most of the other ones currently occupying his imagination, to himself for later mulling. He had other things to occupy his attention at the moment. 

Well one thing. One woman.

One woman who was currently grinning up at him, offering a truly awful opinion about Star Wars and just begging to be schooled. 

If that was what she wanted, well, Mike was more than happy to give it to her.

[twerkstallion]

Cars 3 Review!

MAJOR SPOILERS BELOW CUT

I saw Cars 3 on June 15th at 7pm, and wrote my thoughts down after retuning home to keep my tradition on-model with my old Cars 2 review. I’m a fan, I have to review!

Three things to describe Cars 3?

Beautiful

Too short!

Whiplash

First off, let me say that Cars 3 was a success! It was nowhere near the devastatingly deterred Cars 2, although it didn’t quite match the original as I hoped either. I was a bit bored at times, and even disappointed occasionally. But mostly? It was great. I might even go see it a second time soon. It was beautifully animated, lit, and shaded. I couldn’t have enjoyed the technical aspects of the visuals more. The film packed a lot into 109 minutes, another seven or so minutes would have done it justice and served some much needed quiet or a deeper look into Cruz and McQueen’s triumphs. The whiplash is from the “FLOOR IT” pacing, by god, it almost felt like Cars 2 at times. Even though this film had a lot of things going on, it could have used more. I’m too tired to explain this. It would have honestly been much better if we had less clips and hints released! If you went in spoiler-free, you’re in for a treat!

The good: -Lightning has some really funny, heartfelt, important, and dramatic scenes and it’s all I ever wanted. -the moonlit race is beautiful! -Cruz with race exhaust is a sound I won’t soon forget! -We did end up getting a peek inside the wild imagination of Lightning McQueen once more, even if it was a brief, frightening hallucination. -the humor in the first few minutes of the film is joyous! Lightning, Bobby and Cal were an amazing team of friends! (I do wish we had seen Bobby win though!) -miss fritter’s nervous/proud/“best behavior” tv smile -Lightning’s comment about Cruz “getting to” Jackson was brilliant -funny thought: someone finally took Lightning’s tires away, stranded him on a lift, and pissed him off. This scenario was the first thing I thought of after I saw the original CARS trailer back in winter of 2006. I love how this wound up into the films. -Lightning waiting outside sterlings office after he broke the simulator was both tense and cute, like a kindergartner waiting outside the principals office as much as his whole career hinged on the following moments. -Cruz being proud of her thunder hollow trophy was precious and fitting. It’s fantastic to see a first win, and what that does for a character. -Lightning has some of his best moments when he’s talking to his best friend Mater, and his most revealing moments are during a late night homesick Skype call with his buddy. -the view from sterlings office is peak rich person -Jackson showed some insecurity and emotion towards the end and I loved that -when the racers Cruz’s age compliment her incredible debut, it set up a respectful, competitive future for Cruz and it was a relief to see

Neutral: -Sterling and Jackson were both VICIOUS in their own ways- Sterling used his power over Cruz to emotionally flatten her, and Jackson physically lashes out in his anger. Both antagonists displayed very real and very frightening male aggression. And honestly? So did Lightning. (More on that below) -Lightning’s instant knowledge of Smokey is only comprehensible if you understand that Lightning is a big history nerd. If you don’t recognize this character trait, his sudden focus on Smokey is jarring.

The bad: -I wanted to love Cruz more, but the movie doesn’t give you much to work with. (I still love her tho. Not as much as I want to but I do) -when Lightning gives up at the Florida 500, I didn’t want to be sad but I was. My stomach almost sank to the floor at the loss. The end result of the race mends this, but it doesn’t last long. -the stock photos are used with a very heavy hand, they could have put more effort into making original shots for something that would have so much screen time. -Lightning throws an absolute tantrum even when the stakes don’t seem too high, my jaw dropped even though I’ve known it’s coming for months! -Smokey was much more aloof than I expected. He’s probably just an alcoholic -too much precious screentime was used for flashbacks instead of new content, similar to one of the many errors of Cars 2. -Cruz spent way too much time being sad and I want to hug her. TELL HER SHE DID A GOOD JOB DAMMIT!! TELL HER!!!

The ugly: -The absence of Michael Keaton was so jarring I do not recall a single thing Chick Hicks said. After waiting 11 years for the return of the comedic villain, I found myself literally nearly covering my ears during his scenes. He was a complete imposter and I was shocked. -the rehashing of the Cars 1 score over and over again was a major distraction. I was looking forward to more new content for the score. -the passage of time is only explained twice in the film and it wasn’t enough. The stakes would have felt higher if the time frame for training was made clear.

The strange: -Tex ex-machina -(I’m pretty sure Tex would straight up suck McQueen’s dick is he asked) -the focus on the singer in the bar was so drawn out I had to look away out of sheer awkwardness. She just. Is a weird looking forklift. -I was trying to figure out where Rusty and Dusty were skyping from and TBH it looked like a hospital? No idea

BEST PART: when Lightning naturally fits into the roll of crew chief and he and Cruz FINALLY become partners, their teamwork is beautiful and the whole movie clicked!

WORST PART: unfortunately, I hated the scenes with Chick. I was so looking forward to them too.

Best new character: Jackson, Natalie, Cruz, and Fritter were all awesome new additions!! I loved them all. The 90 or so new racer characters were fantastic too! Worst new character: Smokey. He wasn’t very memorable. And of course sterling. I liked him as a character until the end where he tries to turn his attitude back around on Cruz. It was so sloppy lmao

#CONFIRMED: -McQueen and Sally are NOT married -cars have body odor -there is a short epilogue of snapshots -the end credits scene is just. Mater. -Lightning McQueen DOES sing… terribly -not only does Jackson Storm listen to dubstep, he BLASTS it! -TWO new marvelous McQueen nicknames: Cupcake and Stinky -does Lightning McQueen is depression? Yes. -the trailer Mack hauls is NOT soundproof by a long shot HOLY SHIT -“mackie-boy” -how many gross things does Lightning McQueen get in his mouth THIS TIME?? Stay tuned to find out!! (A lot) -McQueen says something that SOUNDS LIKE he implies he ships cruzon lmao -I forget what he named them but McQueen named his tires and it was good

Final verdict: not as good as Cars 1 but blessedly not terrible. Also sterling can suck my ass

[moodymindymusereactions]

When you’re feeling worthless and they try to cheer you up

I did alter this just a tad to keep it from becoming redundant.  I hope you don’t mind.  If you want me to rewrite it let me know!

Suho:

Junmyeon is a softie at heart, to be honest.  He’s such a gentle soul.  Seeing you so stressed over a project and just so frustrated with both your work and yourself makes him really sad.  He doesn’t want you to ever feel like you’re worthless.  That’s the absolute LAST thing he wants.  I see him as the type to make you get up and walk away from your project.  He’ll take you to lunch or for ice cream, then a peaceful walk through the shopping district.  He’ll distract you with cute plush toys and by making you try on literally everything that he deems cute.  By the time you both get back home, your shoulders are loose and the tension between your eyebrows is gone.  Instead, you feel a little more revitalized.  Junmyeon would kiss your temple and tell you not to stress so much.  “If you start feeling that way about yourself again, just remember to get up and walk away.  It’s better to clear your mind and come back refreshed than to sit there and beat yourself up.  I can’t have my jagi thinking so poorly of herself, okay?”

Xiumin:

Minseok strikes me as someone who powers through tough times, but in a calm manner.  So say you’ve been trying to write this stupid essay for the past few hours and there’s still nothing but a blinking cursor on the screen.  You’re super frustrated and you just want to throw your hands in the air and give up.  Minseok is probably going to bring you some water, rub your shoulders a bit, and tell you it’s okay.  If you start berating yourself by saying you’re stupid or something, Minseok is going to turn your chair around and firmly tell you to stop.  ‘Just breathe’ he’ll say.  When you’ve calmed down a bit, he’ll have you explain the essay to him.  He’ll walk you through it in such a way that by the time you two are done talking, you’ll probably have a good, general idea of what you want to say.  I can totally see him sitting beside you the whole time, too.  Like, he won’t leave until you’re finished.  “See, baby?  I told you it wasn’t impossible.  You just have to remember to breathe and organize your thoughts.  Besides, I’m always here if you need someone to bounce ideas off of.” (cue affectionate bop to your nose)

Lay: 

This guy knows what it's like to struggle through things.  He understands how difficult it can be at times to stumble and fail consistently and just generally feel like a failure.  But Yixing’s philosophy is to try, try again.  So if you just couldn’t get your feet to cooperate with your brain for the choreography you’re trying desperately to master, he’ll probably stop you and make you sit down for a breather.  ‘Hydrate, baobei’ he’d say, pushing a water bottle into your hands before reaching out to massage your calves lightly.  Once your breathing was under control again, he’d have you stand up and together you would both go through the choreo at a slow pace, section by section.  Gradually he’d speed things up, pausing only to adjust you here and there, until you are finally able to get through the movements with no mistakes.  “See!  It’s not so bad!  Don’t worry about not grasping things right away.  Sometimes we just need to take our time and learn things slowly before we can perfect them.  There’s nothing wrong with that.  As long as you put your heart into, everything will work out in the end.”

Baekhyun:

This one is known to be critical of himself.  He’ll understand your frustrations with your job.  I mean, you tried your absolute hardest to get that promotion.  You’ve been slaving over your work for months now trying to prove yourself, all so that in the end the big wigs on top could just hand over something you rightly deserved to some fresh faced newbie.  What was so wrong with your work product that you didn’t deserve that job title?  You’ve been there for so long, working so diligently, how did you not get it?  Was it not good enough?  Were YOU not good enough?  Was this their subtle way of telling you that you’d never advance forward?  Baekhyun would want to stop your train of thought before it got too far ahead, because none of this was true.  He knows you work hard and he knows all the pressure you place on yourself.  It honestly breaks his heart to see you ragging on yourself, so he does the only thing he can: he makes you laugh.  Only when you’re laying on the ground in stitches, little giggles falling from your lips, does he feel satisfied.  “Listen, jagiyah, there’s nothing wrong with you or you work.  They just felt that whoever that person was could do a better job.  It’s their loss for not choosing someone as dedicated as you.  There will be other opportunities, I promise.  Just don’t blame yourself for something that’s not really in your control, okay?”

Chen:

Jongdae is a beagle, but he’s the calmest of the beagles.  He’ll patiently listen to you fuss over how you can’t get this painting just right.  How you have no idea if you’ll ever be able to finish it and it’s the most simple painting you’ve ever done, so why is it so hard to pick up the brush and keep going?  It doesn’t matter what color you throw on it, it looks awful in your opinion.  Of course, this bub, doesn’t agree.  He thinks it looks amazing, but he understands as an artist how critical we can be of ourselves.  He’ll come up behind you and hug you tightly, resting his chin on your shoulder and swaying you back and forth.  He’ll give you suggestions like, maybe throw some yellow in there or maybe neon pink!  This will make you laugh and he’ll whine about how he was serious, but ultimately he’s just happy to see a smile on your face instead of the hardcore scowl you were just sporting.  “You know, we could just throw random paint colors at the canvas and make like a million bucks.  I mean if a picture with a single line can go for four million, then certainly our masterpiece will sell for more!  Or maybe you just need a new muse!  How about me?  Naked?”  (cue eyebrow wiggles and then the subsequent whines as you fling paint at him)

Chanyeol:

Talk about a puppy!  Chanyeol is going to be so sad if he comes home and sees you crying on the couch out of frustration.  You’ve been giving this semester your all, honest to god you have been.  Things just weren’t going your way.  The teachers sucked, the coursework was incredibly difficult, and your team mates shoved most of the major project work on your shoulders.  Midterms are coming up and you just can’t breathe right now.  This giant is going to drop all his things at the door and scoop you up to sit on his lap.  Whispered nothings fill your ears as well as the sound of his steady heartbeat.  He’ll ask you to tell him what’s wrong and then proceed to tell you everything will be fine.  You’re so smart and so much stronger than you think you are.  Eventually you’re going to look back at this semester and just smile because you know you got through it with your head held high.  He’ll tell you to stand up to your classmates and shove their work back on them firmly, too.  “Do you want me to write the email, babe?  I’ll do it?  Or do you want me to have an actual conversation with them?  Cuz I will!  I definitely will!  No one makes my baby cry!”  *he’ll be pouty if you tell him he’s really not that threatening* **be sure to give him a kiss, tho...you know as thanks**

D.O:

Kyungsoo is the silent observer.  He probably knows you better than you know yourself.  He’ll notice immediately if you’re overly stressed or beating yourself up over something.  Kyungsoo reminds me of the pillar types.  He doesn’t have to say much or really even do much to remind you he’s there.  He just is.  His very presence is a calming, soothing force.  You have deadlines coming up and your editor is on your ass about the new chapter, but no matter what  you do, your writer’s block just won’t go away.  You’ve been writing and re-writing the same page for days now.  You hate all your ideas.  Honestly, you feel like you’ve done everything you can (inclusive of offing characters just for something write about), but you’re stuck.  You HAVE to get this chapter out, but right now you just feel like the biggest failure.  Why did you even become an author to begin with?  Are you even that good?  Do people even really like your work?  How can they when you suck this much?  Kyungsoo is going to have absolutely none of that.  He’ll be a lot like Junmyeon, in the sense that he’s going to force you to get up and walk away from your work desk.  He’ll sit you down in the kitchen and make you a meal, being sure that you actually eat everything on your plate and maybe even a second helping.  This guy wants you to be as healthy as possible.  That’s what’s important.  Then he’ll probably sit you down and have you talk through your ideas.  The more you talk and the more you bounce ideas off him, the clearer your plot becomes.  You rediscover ideas you had completely forgotten.  “It’s okay to be stuck, jagi.  It happens to all of us.  When you feel stuck, instead of berating yourself, come talk to me.  We’ll figure it out together, okay?  Don’t be so hard on yourself.”

Kai:

This one is also pretty quiet, but just like Kyungsoo, he’s a pillar in your life.  You work with a bunch of kindergartners and lately, you’ve been having trouble with one child in particular.  He’s fussy, violent, and quick tempered.  You know he just needs attention and the proper guidance, but everything you try just seems to backfire.  On top of all that, you’ve been struggling with your lesson plans recently.  Overall you just feel less and less creative as your stress mounts.  Jongin will crawl into bed behind you and just wrap his arms around you, pulling on you slightly so you drape yourself over him.  He’ll run his fingers through your hair and rub away the tension in the base of your skull and neck.  He would quietly ask you to explain what’s happening, so you would, ending with how you feel like a failure for 1. Not being able to help the little boy and 2. For not being able to improve at your job.  He’d tut quietly and tell you, you worry too much, insisting that there wasn’t anyone in the world better than you at your job.  Jongin would reassure you that if you just keep reaching out to the child, he would eventually fall for you the same way Jongin did.  He would insist that you take a nap with him, promising that once the two of you were up again he’d help you with your lesson planning and even give some advice for the trouble child.  “It’s very hard to resist you and your charms, jagi.  You’ll see.  Just give it time.” (insert gentle kiss to the forehead)

(you are D.O.)

Sehun:

He’s a tricky one, honestly.  Sehun is both super sassy and a super sweetheart.  If you were getting frustrated with yourself because of a certain recipe you couldn’t get right, he’d probably tease you for it.  He doesn’t like to hear you talking bad about yourself (he might even lightheartedly say that’s his job), so he’ll scoff and tell you to knock it off.  No one talks bad about his jagi, not even you.  He’ll insist that you make the dish over and over again until you get it.  This is his technique and it’s always proven to work in the end.  Of course, that means there’s going to be a lot of leftovers, but he tells you not to worry about it, because he’s a guy and he has eight other grown men that will eat it up.  Free is free is free, tbh.  You never know, this could become a permanent thing that happens.  He’s going to want to try all your new recipes, even if they’re bad (though he’ll tell you straight up if they are).  Sehun strikes me as someone who is not afraid of constructive criticism, nor is he afraid of giving it.  This is a good thing.  His honesty will help you grow as a baker/cook.  That and he’ll always be super pleased when you perfect your craft each time.  “Did [y/n] make any more food?”  “What makes you think you’re worthy enough to enjoy it?” (insert classic eyebrow raise and judging face)

Admin MM

[theextremehorror-blog]

How did you do it?

I recently got asked by someone at school how I did it. Without context I was so confused and it wasn’t until I realized who she was that I understood. Now I am not looking for pity this is just my way of... helping I guess, spreading the word. Anyway. 

It took me a minute to realize who she was, but then all at once, I remembered the kid standing behind her. The kid who made middle school impossible for me. 

I went to one of those schools were the kindergartners were in the same school as the eighth graders and everything in between. I was probably one of the only transfers to this moderately large school in this somewhat tiny town and to make matters worse I was different. Where everyone around me seemed to be “loud” I was quiet, most of the girls were skinny and completely flat from the chest to the feet, most of the people there were into the same thing (getting out of the small town and living in the city) but i was the exact opposite of everything. I was quiet, timid, overweight (still am), I wasn't one of those girls who had a mirror in her locker because to be completely honest, I didn't like to look in the mirror (still don’t), and I actually wanted to be in the small town. 

I got funny looks and had trouble making friends in 6th grade. I ended up becoming close friends with the outcasts, but then suddenly we weren’t outcasts people started to notice that we were actually there. For some of them that was a good thing, it was the difference between sitting at one of the cool tables or making it on a sports team and scraping by middle school with straight A’s and five friends. For me, being noticed meant that the funny looks suddenly got more hateful, they turned into words mild at first and then suddenly things just got worse. 

The first time that I was told to kill myself was in seventh grade. It was a daily thing for 8 weeks and four days until they stopped saying it. I kept a brave face at school, sank back into the shadow a little bit hoping that they would stop with everything the hateful, hurtful looks and the mean words, but it only got worse. As it turns out, the only reason that they had stopped was because another student had heard them say it and reported it to a lunch monitor but nothing was done about it and a week later I was back to that being the first thing that anyone said to me at school. 

Things only got worse in eighth grade. I was the first girl in my grade to get boobs and suddenly it was a thing. “Oh she is a whore and she only has boobs because they came with having sex so many times.” and “Oh she stuffs her bra in the morning so that when a guy looks at her they see the over sized watermelons on her chest rather than the nasty hundred pounds on her waist.” After hearing that one I stopped eating, it went on for a month eating minimal snacks so that my mother wouldn’t catch on. A few bites of dry salad here and there a couple grapes, something so that she wouldn’t really look into it. My friend was the one who noticed first but I just told her that I ate when I got home from school, she believed me because I hadn’t given her any reason not to. 

I was bullied up until the day of my graduation where I wore a dress that maybe showed a bit more hthan would probably be recommended for 8th grade graduation, but everything was still covered. I was walking to the podium to shake hands with my principle so that I could be done with the whole thing when the first person that I ever made friends with at this school stopped me to call me a slut and a fat ass whore. Now need I remind you that my entire family is there, my friends that were still my friends and even my uncle on video chat so I held back those tears and walked across the stage managing only to break down crying when I sat back in my chair. 

From then on, I have been a shell. I put a smile on my face when it needs to be there. I can count on one hand how many times it has been a real smile in the past six months. 

So to answer her question “How did I do it?” I didn’t. Inside I am empty because never once did anyone ask me why I was the way I was. Or how my day was or even if I felt okay when I clearly didn’t. Nobody cared enough to say anything nice to me and for a long time, I thought about taking their advice and ending the pain, but I thought back to my family and my dad. I realized that he would miss me, I thought about the few friends that I did have and the relationship that we had build and I just couldn’t do it so i lived with the pain and now, less than four years later I have wished that in that moment I changed my mind because my life would have been a hell of a lot easier. 

Today people tell me that he kid who made me feel all of this is one of the best people that they ever met and that he has gotten a full ride scholarship to his top choice college. They tell me that we would look cute as a couple but instead I am avoiding a class that would help my future so much because there are only eight people in the class so far and that would mean that I would have a 1/7 chance of having him as a lab partner so no. I didn’t do it.  I didn’t live through it because I am a shell. A very repetitive shell.