#a weaving friend | aurelia

[angstlver101]

Forget Me

(Jacob Black x Fem!OC, 625 words)

Masterlist:

from pinterest @crxzents

Keep reading below or link to AO3!

The air inside the school felt thick, buzzing with the chatter of students as they flowed through the crowded halls. Aurelia weaved between them, her brown eyes scanning faces she recognized, but not the one she was looking for. 

She’d known Jacob Black her whole life—brown skin, long black hair that used to fall over his shoulders, and a laugh that made her forget everything else. But now, he was barely a shadow of the boy she remembered. 

He stood at the far end of the hall, leaning casually against a locker, surrounded by his new posse: two infamous troublemakers/upperclassmen and—of all people—Embry, the first of their childhood friends to pull away. 

Aurelia hesitated. Her feet froze, but her heart raced. She wanted to say something, anything, but she couldn’t meet Jacob’s eyes. The boy who once made her feel seen now felt like a stranger. And Embry—his betrayal cut deeper than Jacob’s. They’d grown up like siblings, spending holidays together while their single mothers worked late. 

The sound of the school bell snapped her out of her thoughts, and she hurried down the hall toward the exit.  

Walking past them, Aurelia was met with her ride home, Quil.  

With her absentminded steps and her vacant eyes, she managed to utter her first words of the day.  

“Hey Quil...” 

Usually, she would be ecstatic to see him, but as the days went by, it became harder and harder for Aurelia to bear “b-days” without him. It was one of those days when the duo was forcibly separated. Quil and Aurelia had the opposite lunch every other day. Without him, she was forced to wander the halls or head to the library, skipping lunch, unable to enter the lunchroom with them in it. 

Like the other days since Jacob’s and Embry's harsh dismissal of their friends, she practically tip-toed by the doors, hoping to make it to the library, a place where she could finally find some peace.  

In the library she would mingle with other friends and do some homework or spend time reading different books. Yet, it always felt like the longest thirty minutes in the world, no matter what she focused on, her break was always overshadowed by the hurt that lingered in her heart.  

Meanwhile, Quil sat in his math class, miserable out of his mind, drawing in his math notebook instead of taking notes. The numbers on the board morphed together as the voice of his teacher was drowned out by the ruckus going on outside. He much preferred subjects like history or any other social studies class and art classes—although he would never admit it.  

He was a nice boy, but he was frequently misjudged by others due to his frequent involvement in fights. They didn’t understand; they didn’t see the fights for what they were—a defense against the constant teasing, the comments he couldn’t just brush off. He too felt the repercussions of having no friends besides Aurelia. 

As the clock ticked past two, all he could think about was meeting Aurelia at his car. Maybe they could finally move past their old friends and begin to make new friends. 

As the car came to a slow stop in front of a red roofed wooden house, a soft voice broke the unusual silence.  

“You sure you don’t wanna hang out tonight?” Quil asked her quietly, not wanting to disturb his sensitive best friend. 

“We can order pizza, and my mom could ask your mom if you can sleep over” he added quickly  

“No, it’s fine, I have a shift at the diner, and I need to take care of my sisters since my mom’s working overnight again. But thanks again for everything Quil”  

[mistfallengw2]

for the gw2 profession ask thing:

3: Have they dabbled in any other professions than the one they ended up with?

4: On the scale of absolute novice to complete expert, how good are they at their chosen profession?

GW2 Profession Ask Questions or something IDK

Since no character was listed, I'm gonna go rapid fire on all the list! :D

Aurelia Dragonwings 3. She used to be a warrior, quite strong physically but with no access to magic. Those skills are still relevant. 4. She's pretty good at being a revenant and she's a strong one too, though with some "disabilities" caused by her encounter with [redacted]. Other than the initial memory loss, her main issue is that she can't create traversable rifts to the Mists (surface-level rifts are fine, like the ones used in combat).

Adamas Crystalsoul 3. His mother Ardea taught him some elemental magic, but he clearly had more talent for tinkering so he never really developed it further. He still knows a few elementalist tricks and is more comfortable than most (maybe a little reckless) with working on high-temperature equipment, ended up being useful with his holoforge. 4. Expert engineer in many fields. He's extremely quick to learn new things, if he's interested enough, and he's particularly good with alchemy, gadgetry, firearms and small constructs.

Tocchix 3. His first mentor was Alyt, who is a thief/elementalist, and she did try to teach him some elemental magic, mostly to no avail as he was more interested in hand-to-hand combat and shadow magic. 4. Extremely skilled daredevil, though he's only able to use shadow magic to enhance his physical abilities. Sneaky, fast and hits like a truck, though a bit too reckless at times.

Maeveryl 3. No. 4. Used to be a talented warrior, though mostly uninterested in combat. Since becoming a berserker in an uncommon way, they had to really hone in on their skills due to safety reasons, so one could say they're expert.

Hel Ravenlost 3. No. 4. Definitely an expert necromancer. She was talented from a young age, too much in her mother's opinion, and left her duty to chase more knowledge, becoming an Archon in the Priory. Particularly good at controlling necrominions, she could have very easily become a lich if she hadn't been stopped in her wild chase for a way to bring back a friend, but for now her most impressive feat is single-handedly taking over and "taming" a risen chicken while Zhaitan was still alive.

Ellara Echodancer 3. No, other than what she tried in mandatory basic training in the fahrar. 4. Quite a good mesmer overall, though she knows she's far from the expert label. Mostly self-taught in chronomancy and use of psychic blades.

Bunnie 3. Elemental magic would have been really cool to learn (Alyt left an impression on her), but alas she has no magical abilities to write home about. 4. Expert engineer, specifically in golemancy. Some may counter her claim of being "the best golemancer in the world (after Snaff)", but she did become Snaff Savant AND her results are hard to dismiss.

Ethanryel 3. No. 4. They're a pretty okay elementalist, with a talent for weaving elements.

Deryn 3. Sort of. She's an Olmakhan and was officially a Dawnwalker. 4. Self-taught dragonhunter/firebrand through trial and error, she's far from an expert but makes do in her own efficient way.

Markus Blake 3. Not really, other than some general training with the Seraph. 4. Decent ranger. Has a good aim, is good at tracking and easily gets along with animals, but his magical talents are underdeveloped.

Iotta 3. She is a necromancer/thief. 4. Extremely competent in both professions, always had a talent for hand-to-hand combat and necromancy. She hated not being able to take full advantage of her death shroud, so she overcompensated with perfecting everything else.

Poffi 3. She has some engineering background due to her family's job (they used to be part of the same golem maintenance krewe), but she never wanted to go in that field, instead aiming to become a lab technician before discovering her talent as a sniper. 4. She was a sniper (deadeye) with near-perfect aim, though she was too insecure to be more effective than shooting from a distance. She died too young to be defined as an expert and needed to become more well-rounded, but she was in line to earn the title of Slayer in the Order of Whispers.

Daunte Burstspell 3. Nah, other than basic fahrar training. 4. He was a pretty powerful elementalist, having plenty of strong Flame shamans in his bloodline. Not exactly an expert and he lagged behind in the other elements, but he did focus on becoming better with water magic.

Hagan Wesson 3. Not really. 4. More of an expert hunter than an expert thief. Possibly due to Zar'gol, but he started developing specter powers after S4, though he's far from an expert.

Flom 3. No, he felt like he genuinely sucked whenever he tried anything and gave up. 4. NOPE. His "revenant" powers are limited to the equivalent of Mallyx's, and when Flom is forced to use them that's actually Zar'gol taking control.

Zehmik 3. Has some knowledge of thief tricks from his time in pirate crews. 4. Maybe not an expert, but definitely competent. After nearly two decades spent in the Mists War, he became a Legendary Defender and refined his spellbreaker powers to suitable levels of reliance and strength.

Nari 3. Not exactly a profession, but she went through Kestrel training. 4. She's a pretty good bladesworn and made her own sword, but is a better scout than a fighter, and the lack of experience puts her at a disadvantage.

Edraas Noiza 3. No. [Mechanically Edraas is a willbender, but it fights in an unique manner] 4. Nope. It fights as its draconic-hybrid nature allows, and it gets tired real fast.

Lenorey 3. Technically has some thief skills. 4. Look, weird stuff goes in, strong necromantic energy comes out. Don't ask her to be more specific than that.

Haidee 3. Does some generic spy training count? 4. Not sure if she can be called an expert, but she did earn the title "the Mirage" thanks to her skills with illusions. When she learned of the existence of the mirage profession, she dragged her girlfriend to Elona to go perfect her skills.

Okami Whitewings 3. Not really, other than basic fahrar training. 4. They'll say they're only good with animals, but hey, they survived this long doing a variety of dangerous things.

[misty-groves]

Aurelia Clearwater (Pandora)

Name: Aurelia

Nicknames: Lia

Age: 21

Species: Amazonian (by ritual adoption)

Appearance: Aurelia is tall and built like a swimmer. She has long auburn curls, gold eyes, and freckles.

Height: 6'3

Sexuality: Pan

Alignment: neutral good

Hero name: Pandora

Team: Rebel Justice

Hero costume: white suit with kevlar weave, lavender accents and boots. She wears her hair in two French braids.

Weapon(s): sword and sheild.

Powers: enhanced strength, durability, and endurance. Mild magical abilities, mostly as a conduit

Friends: James Blair, David Gold, Belladonna Greene, Alex Garcia, Tim Drake, Kon, Lilia Breek

Family: Diana (older sister figure), the Amazons, bio parents that suck

Romantic partner: Ivy Wayne

Hobbies: painting, photography, vigilante justice, volunteering with animals

Career: student, hero, museum guide

Favorite color: lavender

Personality: Aurelia is an optimistic young woman who enjoys creating things and sunny days. She's kind and more likely to apologize than accuse. She's very supportive and really like puns and dad jokes.

[seigephoenix]

Kinktober 2024: Free Space

Seeing as it's Halloween, I'll give you all a treat. 3 Kinktober pieces all centered around Halloween and costumes for the last day of Kinktober! Thank you all for being along for the ride. At last count I was roughly around 85k words written for Kinktober and with these three, I'm certain I have broken 90k words written.

Woo for me! So enjoy the first Halloween treat!

Ship: Aurelia Ryder/James Vega (Supernatural AU) Content Warning: outlandish outfits for Halloween, cunninlingus, p in v, sex while standing, sex against a wall, slight marking Length: 2.5k

Aurelia sighed and tugged at her skirt again as her group of friends entered The Last Line for the annual Halloween bash.  She hadn’t worn shorts under the skirt and felt severely out of place in it, but she was determined to win the bet with her twin on who could cause their father to have the biggest reaction.  Archer wasn’t above using pasties and a thong, so she was going to have to break out of her comfort zone if she wanted to get the biggest reaction.  Aurelia wore a short, pleated crimson skirt that barely covered her ass cheeks.  Speaking of her ass cheeks were barely covered by a scrap of red silk, she could feel the breeze on most of her cheeks.  Thigh high sheer white stockings held up by the garter belt she wore underneath the skirt, the clips were visible and curled ribbons dangled from them.  Stiletto heels red as a finely aged merlot adorned her feet with a small golden anklet dangling on her leg.  Her top was a corset that Peebee had helped her get into, and Aurelia would never take for granted the fact she was not required to wear a corset.  Her breasts almost spilled out of the top and her white pirate tunic kept the pertinent bits covered underneath the corset.  The billowy sleeves gave her an almost romantic silhouette.  The hood was a nice touch she thought, given James was going to be at the party.  A crimson velvet cape that skirted the top of her waist with a hood embroidered with silver.  Just to tease him a little bit.  Peebee had almost doubled over laughing when she realized what Aurelia had done.

After all, James had turned down her invitation to go to the party, citing he had already agreed to go with Archer.  Turned down for her twin, but Aurelia never let anything keep her down too much.  She’d just make sure to keep the hood up whenever she was near James.  The girls approached the door, ignoring the lengthy line along the side.  “Hi Zaeed!  They have you working the door tonight?” Peebee asked and Zaeed merely glared at them.

“Better than being in there.  Your brother is making quite a spectacle of himself and I see you’re not far behind him.  I almost pity Alec, if I didn’t think he deserved the headache you two cause,” Zaeed told them before opening the door to the bar.  They breezed in and scanned the room for their targets.

“There’s my brother.  I’m going to go say hello and I’ll meet you for drinks later,” Aurelia said as the other girls wandered off after spotting their quarry.  Aurelia chuckled and weaved through the crowd until she sidled up next to her brother.  “Pasties?  Guess I lost five bucks to Peebee.”  Archer jumped at the sudden appearance beside him and glared at his sister.

“Little red riding hood?  Cute.”

“Bougie stripper.  Cliché.”

Archer glared at her comment and tossed his shot back before spinning on the bar stool.  Aurelia braced him up when he wobbled.  “Did you pre-game?  Archer.”

“Not tonight.  Tonight I’m going to enjoy myself and get drunk.”  Aurelia sighed and shook her head as she watched her brother go forth into the crowd.  Soon after she heard her father’s raised voice asking what the hell was he thinking.  Aurelia looked over the crowd searching for one particular head of hair, he said he was going to go with her brother, but he was nowhere to be seen.

“If you’re looking for a certain werewolf, he got called downstairs.  A pixie got in and tried to scatter pixie dust, and not the magical kind if you get my drift.”  Remly poured her a shot of her favorite rum and jerked his thumb towards the secret door.  Aurelia thanked him for the information and downed the shot.  “So, which one of you is going to send Uncle Alec to an early grave?”

“Probably Archer.  Peebee bet me that he’d wear pasties.  Relatively speaking, I’m not in anything too outlandish.”  Remly shook his head and handed her another shot.

“For you?  Yeah, it’s pretty damn scandalous.  What were you thinking?”  Aurelia sighed and downed the shot.

“Winning the damn bet.  But I’m kinda regretting it now.” She grinned at Remly who shook his head and grabbed both shot glasses and tucked them behind the bar.

“Ah, hindsight.” Remly grinned as she sent him a glare.  “Wait, is that silver?” Remly reached out and grabbed the edge of her hood, running his fingers over the embroidery there.  He burst out laughing as he realized it was real silver.  “You are evil.  But that is funny as hell.”

“Seeing as you’ve chatted with Lucifer himself, I’ll take that as a compliment.”  Remly threw back his head and let out a deep laugh at her comeback.  That drew Alec’s attention and he stormed over there after his eyes zeroed in on his daughter.

“Aurelia…”  She flinched as she heard him behind her.

“I’m not in pasties!”  Alec crossed his arms.  “I’m also an adult!”  He arched an eyebrow.  “And I’m not planning to leave this bar stool until it’s time to go home.”  Alec sighed and shook his head.

“Have some fun at least.  Just, let me leave the bar first.  Keep an eye on them Remly?”  Remly nodded and saluted his uncle before Alec headed towards the secret door and down to the hideout.  Aurelia propped her cheek on her hand as she leaned against the bar.

“Remly, can you get me something nonalcoholic?” Aurelia asked and he nodded.  He mixed up a mocktail for Aurelia, grinning as she laughed at the smoke.  “How did you do that?”

“Trade secret.” Remly grinned at her.  “In honesty, it’s from the fairies.  A touch of fairy dust, the actual fairy dust.  So it’s got some good luck in it.”  Aurelia grinned and took a sip.  Tiny bubbles of citrus burst on her tongue as she finished it.  “Don’t look now, but looks like the boyfriend is out.”

“James is here with Archer, not me.” Aurelia informed him and Remly shook his head.

“Well, Archer seems to be leaving with Vetra.  So I think he’ll be looking for you, little red riding hood.  Hiding from the big bad wolf,” he said tongue in cheek.  Aurelia glared at him in warning but Remly merely grinned at her anger.  His eyes darted up and Aurelia felt James at her back.  “Well, well.  Mr. Big Bad Wolf himself.”  Remly chuckled as he straightened and grabbed a beer for James.

“Aurie.”  James leaned in to rest his chin against her when the silver brushed his skin.  He jumped back at the burn.  “Eh?  What the hell?  Silver?”  Aurelia glanced over her shoulder and stuck out her tongue at him before turning her attention to the TV above the bar.  James looked at Remly who merely shrugged in answer.

“Here ya go James.  Good luck,” Remly said before he moved down the bar as more people began to pile in for drinks.  His other bartenders were working their tails off with the crowd in the bar that night.

“Silver?  Really Aurie?” James asked straddling the stool next to her, almost sulking.  He reached for the rest of the cloak almost relieved when the rest of the cloak didn’t singe his skin.  His breath lodged in his throat as he saw what she was wearing underneath the hood.  She never wore that sort of getup.  Heat simmered along his veins when he spotted those stilettos.  He’d never admit it, but seeing those on her was almost enough to make him beg.

“What?  I’m merely playing my part as little red riding hood.”  James groaned when she shifted in her seat and that skimpy skirt rode up higher.  She wasn’t wearing anything underneath it.  “And Halloween isn’t all about treats, it’s about tricks too.”  Those ruby red lips curved into a smile that had his dick straining against his pants.  The thought of them wrapped around him, he clenched his jaw against his reaction.  He moved to adjust himself and she arched an eyebrow.  That’s when he had a genius idea.  Only the hood had silver in it, not the rest of her outfit.

“Fine, fine.  It’s a pretty good trick.” James admitted and downed his beer.

“I thought you were interrogating a pixie?  They’re not ones to give up so easily.”  James gave her a questioning look and she nodded towards Remly.

“Yeah, he was being stubborn.  I came up here to get Remly, but he’s busy.  I hate bothering him when he’s like this.  But you…”  James grinned as Aurelia narrowed her eyes at him.  “You can help.”

“Fine.  It’ll be better than sitting here while my ass goes numb,” she replied sliding off the stool.  James’s hand tightened on the bottle when he saw how little her skirt and panties covered.  “Show me where this little dickhead is.”

“Come on.  Thanks for the beer Remly.” James saluted and Remly waved to them as they headed towards the secret door.  James grinned as Aurelia went ahead of him, he almost felt bad for what he was about to do.

“Here’s the room,” James said as he opened the door for her.  Aurelia strode in but realized it was empty just a second too late.  She whirled on her heel just as he shut and locked the door.

“James…”  Aurelia’s voice held a note of warning that normally, he’d heed.  Not tonight though.

“Aurelia…”  Her eyes widened at his mockery and she propped her fists on her hips.  “As you said, Halloween isn’t all about treats.  There are tricks too.”  James grinned as he leaned back against the door.  She regarded him with a steely gaze before she shifted her weight.  He braced for anything but she merely crossed her arms.

“Touchè.  I’m still not pulling my hood off.”  Aurelia gasped as she found herself backed into the corner, pinned by his body.

“I don’t need you to pull your hood off.  You’re going to want to do it by the time I’m done with you anyway.”  He grinned before kneeling in front of her.  Aurelia’s jaw dropped and she pushed at him head.

“Are you insane?  My father is here!” Aurelia hissed as she looked at the door in a panic.  James pressed a kiss to the inside of her thigh.

“Guess you’ll have to be quiet then,” he murmured against her skin.  His thumbs pulled the scrap of crimson cloth off her as his teeth raked against the sensitive skin of her thigh.  Her fingers shifted to his hair, tangling there as his thumb massaged small circles around her clit.  Her skin trembled against his lips and he bit back the urge to bite.  He saw her covering her lips with the back of her hand, and he sucked hard on her skin.

“You’ll leave a mark,” she hissed but he ignored her.  Instead he twisted his wrist, sliding two fingers inside of her as his thumb pressed harder against that sensitive bud.  Aurelia groaned when he curled his fingers inside just right.  “James.”

“Aurelia,” he mocked before sliding higher on her thigh.  A needy whimper escaped when his fingers left her aching for more.  She gasped when he lifted her legs over his shoulders, leaning until she was braced against the wall, and his lips sealed over her clit.  One hand slammed against the wall and the other slapped over her mouth to muffle the cries.

They froze when they heard the knock on the door.  “Everything okay in there?” Aurelia’s eyes widened as she heard her father’s voice.

“I’m fine Dad!  Just.”  Aurelia hissed when James sucked hard.  She bit back the moan and swallowed around the needy cries that wanted to escape.  “I just needed a break from the crowd.”

“Alright sweetheart,” Alec said.  Aurelia breathed out when she thought he’d left.  “Be safe and tell James to take you home alright?”  They both froze as Alec laughed and left them alone.  Aurelia was mortified.  James was not deterred.  He readjusted his grip on her thighs and slid his tongue inside of her.

Her head fell back against the wall with a soft thud as she tried to bite back the moans.  His name flowed from her lips like a fine wine as her body plunged towards that heated crash.  His tongue lapped at her clit leaving her an almost sobbing mess.  Heat tightened between her legs in an aching throb.  “Please.  Please.” Aurelia’s voice was hoarse as she begged him to help her over the edge.

“Hmm.  Only if you take the hood off.”  Her lips parted in surprise as he rested his chin just above her aching clit.  She didn’t even hesitate.  Her fingers tugged the string loose and she tossed it to the side.  His lips curved into a dangerous smile before latching onto her clit again.  Aurelia’s fingers tugged at his hair, her back bowed at the pleasure coursing through her, and she begged him to let her come.  He groaned against her, sending her hurtling over the edge.  She cried out his name as the heat throbbed through her body in waves.  James leaned back but he moved before she could get her wits about her.  Aurelia gasped as he stood with her in his arms, pinning her against the wall.

He leaned forward covering her lips with his in a devouring kiss that left her dizzy.  Her hands cupped his cheeks as she clung to him desperately.  He freed his cock and slammed to the hilt inside of her.  Her nails scratched at his face but he didn’t care.  She shifted to wrap her arms around his neck, parting her lips beneath his greedily.  He slammed his hips against hers in a brutal rhythm, chasing his own orgasm.  Heedless of anything else, he just wanted to claim her.  His lips trailed down to her shoulder, sucking hard where he felt her pulse.  She groaned and her walls squeezed his cock.  He let out an almost feral growl as his orgasm slammed through him.  His fingers dug into the soft globes of her ass as he shuddered from the waves of pleasure that spasmed through him.

His lips lifted off her shoulder and he felt the tug of possessiveness when he saw the bruise there.  She was his.  His lips trailed up her throat and to her lips, this time in a light touch that left him aching for more.  His back and shoulders stung from her nails, but he’d never complain about that.  It meant she lost her mind and he took pride in that.

“Mi vida.”  Aurelia sighed and kissed the underside of his jaw.  He spun away from the wall and strode over to the bed.  His hands eased her down and then he got to cup her chin in one of them.  “Do you want to take a shower here in the spare bathroom?”

“Hmm.  I would like to get this body glitter off,” Aurelia murmured.  He grinned and tugged until the rest of her clothes puddled on the floor.

“Let me help you with that.”  She let out a startled gasp when he scooped her up and eased the bathroom door open.  “I’ll make sure to lock the door, complete privacy.”

“And I’m so sure you won’t want to take advantage of that?”  His answer was a cheeky grin.

[sillywolffoxwrites]

17th of Mirtul, 1368 - Day 15, Hour 16

As we gingerly passed the tightly wound gnolls who had decided to let us pass, we found a captive. They wouldn't let her go. Now they're dead and she's free. There was no way Ferrum was going to let them keep her. Neither was I. We had to kill far too many to free her. We won when they broke ranks and fled their base into the wilderness. So much wasted life. The prisoner is a human woman named Dynaheir - from Rashemen! I haven't been there since I was a very small child, but I recall the fierce matriarchs who captivated me so. To have another spellcaster in the group was also invigorating. Someone i could talk shop with. Dynaheir mentioned needing to find her bodyguard Minsc. As soon as she breathed his name I felt a tug of the weave. I knew he had to come, no, I still know, he had to go with us. We had to find Minsc. this of course led to the 6 person limit issue. Before the fortune teller had fled, she warned of exceeding a party of six. Imoen volunteered to go. Aurelia and Imoen hugged, they had begun to grow closer on this journey, it's a shame she wouldn't have a friend her age around. Imoen said she was tired of the road, and wanted to return to safety. The assassin we interrogated did not seem to have enough information to identify anyone but Aurelia, Yuze, and myself. so we took the gold thw now empty gnoll base, and used it to put her up for as long as she needed. It will also buy her passage on the next caravan to the Friendly Arm. I can't help but feeling guilty, Khalid tried to talk to me about it but I wasn't ready. It's my second time on the road, but its different now. I traveled for years on my own, studying magic, saving villages, even crawling into bed once with a prince! - but I had always plunged into those willingly. It was my choice, my risk, and my call to abort. Now it wasn't anyone's choice, we *can't* abort, and we HAVE to be proactive, yet we have so little information! Ferrum won't be able to hold me tight enough tonight. We must protect Aurelia. - Yuze

[clericofshadows]

immortalizing your tags... thoughts to follow under the cut <3

this whole kaidan/zaeed saga for me is about acceptance... acceptance of regis's death, acceptance for the love they all had for each other, and acceptance for what's to come. so of course he's a bit worried about his parents because it's so new, young, and... different. aurelia and eduard were so happy to have regis in his life to help him get through BAaT, so there wasn't much to worry about when they made it official.

adrian my beloved... I need to make a sculpt of him at some point... both him and Atlas tbh

aurelia just wants zaeed to feel welcome <3 it was a fun interaction to write. and local disaster adrian shepard it's a miracle he's made it this far lmao.

regis's specter will never leave, as intwined as they were. always an echo in the background. very fun to weave him in here and there.

I liked writing kaidan and his father especially. both in the alliance and aware of how things work, about the status quo and what's really going on. kaidan is going to try his hardest to make sure that the alliance knows he's out for them if they force another shepard. and eduard would pick up on that as well, knowing how famous he was.

"the old friend in the brass" is my favorite ongoing bit tbh. yep, they were definitely friends~

vik knows all ;) and they thought it would clear the air a bit, show that they accept them as much as they accepted regis and kaidan.

ahhh the blue suns tattoo... I struggled with that part and that caused this to sit in my drafts for months. I didn't want it to come off as conflict for the sake of conflict, but I also didn't want this to be perfect family dinner. so of course he would notice it, and of course kaidan would get mad about it because he wanted this to be perfect. and it gave me an excuse to segue into the motorcycle and proposal spot bit.

regis is a flashy guy, so of course he'll ride something that's utterly ridiculous. and be protective of it. he's def a car guy even if he doesn't want to admit it lol. and a little call back to an earlier kaidan/zaeed fic when zaeed commissioned helmets for them without knowing about their motorcycle hobby <3.

so many good reveals. BAaT. and perhaps my favorite part of vik's reveal as to why they didn't teach regis in this bit of my canon. hannah makes herself the bad guy so often in regis's eyes but she does little to change that... I need to make them talk one day. perhaps in a future ME2 era fic ;)

young regis pics! especially green eyed regis... once he was "free" from his mother he went a bit wild, changing things about himself and becoming the regis we know today. also some backstory to the little flower tattoo I gave Zaeed on his hip <3.

kaidan did want acceptance from hannah, mostly because he loved her son so, so much and didn't want this to come off as something... rushed? inauthentic? an insult? best to find out from him than through the grapevine... although it went far better than expected. mostly because she recognized zaeed and trusts hackett and well... she appreciated kaidan coming to her about it.

and maybe that's my favorite thing about regis's hannah. "find your peace, I wish I could find mine." is this about atlas? her treatment of regis? her constant war between alliance and mother? who knows... not even me

thanks again for your tags, gave me lots of excuses to ramble :D

nothing will shine as bright

Description: Post ME2 Prologue Era--Kaidan brings Zaeed to meet his family, and some of Regis's family is along for the ride.

Title is from The Sun, The Moon, The Star - Æther Realm

Pairing: Kaidan Alenko/Zaeed Massani, past Kaidan Alenko/Male Shepard

Sequel to: so let love reign.

The ride over to his family’s orchard was light.  All of them making meaningless conversation, getting to know each other and catching up.

The way Vik and Zaeed chatted implied a deeper friendship, but Vik was always the type to be able to engage with anyone.  Still, he couldn’t shake the feeling that they knew each other beyond basic Omega business.  Kaidan had made himself comfortable leaning against Zaeed, looking forward to seeing his parents again but also a little worried about how the meeting would go.

A part of him worried about his age–Zaeed was older than his mother but just under his father’s age.  Not that he thought his family would judge him for that, but it was still… a worry.  

His father was a bit of an unknown.  He loved Regis right from the beginning, even after learning what part he played in the action that ended BAaT.  Even considered Regis a son of his before they got together.  It surprised the hell out of Kaidan seeing how well Regis accepted the attention from Eduard Alenko.

Again, Kaidan doubted it would be an issue.  Dad was always the type to trust his judgment and take no bullshit.  Mom seemed to like Zaeed on the vid call, only being caught off guard about how soon it was… Something Kaidan was still a little uncomfortable with if he had to be honest, but Regis more or less blessed their relationship.

Always looking after him, knowing him too damn well.

If all goes well, they’ll make Zaeed an honorary Alenko in no-time.  Zaeed never talked about his family, and Kaidan never wanted to pry just yet. Maybe he’ll like the attention.  Maybe he’ll fight it off.  Time will tell.

Adrian, a good pilot as ever, made the trip smooth and quick, landing the skycar out in the field near the main house.  “We’re here!” he announced, opening the doors with a press of a button.  

They all climbed out of the skycar, getting their bags and heading towards the house, where his mother was waiting with open arms.  “Hope you all had a good trip!” she greeted, walking towards them.  “Good to see you both.” She shook Vik’s hand and gave Adrian a hug.

And then she turned to him, breaking out into a smile.  Kaidan opened his arms, always ready for one of her warm hugs.  “I’m so glad you could make it, sweetie.”

Kaidan smiled.  “Of course.  Always happy to stop by if I can.  Beautiful weather for today!”

“And that’s exactly why your father is grilling out in the back,” she said, pulling away.  She turned to Zaeed.  “Zaeed, was it?  Happy to have you here!” 

“Happy to be here,” he echoed with a nod.  “You have a nice slice of paradise out here.  The kind of gorgeous place I’d like to retire one day.”

“Many generations of our family have been here,” she said, starting to walk back to the house.  “And we always love to host friends and more of the family."

Zaeed looked lost, seemingly not knowing how to reply to that.  His mother could be intense sometimes with her love of hosting, welcoming anyone into her home.  Kaidan reached over and grabbed his hand, following his mother to the house. "She's right, you know.  This may be your first time here, but if you make a good enough impression…" he trailed off grinning. 

"In which I have no doubt you'll be able to do," Vik piped up from behind.  

She laughed. "Tell me if I need to back off and I will.  I'm just happy Kaidan has someone outside of us and the Alliance in this unfortunate mess."

"I'm glad I was able to find the time to be there for him," Zaeed said softly. "It hasn't been easy on me either, hearing the news."

“No, it hasn’t,” she echoed.  She reached over to open the door, but Adrian beat her to it. "You charmer," she chuckled, heading inside. 

"Anyone want anything?  A snack, refreshments… I have all kinds," she said, heading straight for the kitchen. 

The aroma of freshly cooked bread filled the air as he made himself comfortable in the living room, mixed with other dishes being warmed in the oven.  If he had to guess, knowing his mother's preference for comfort food any time she knows he's heading home, there's plenty of baked and fried dishes waiting for him.  

"I think we're alright for now," Adrian said, shutting the door behind him. "Need to save room for that lovely meal!  Already smells amazing in here."

Zaeed sat down on the couch, leaning against he armrest. "Been a minute since I've had a home cooked meal.  Looking forward to it, ma'am."

Kaidan smiled at Zaeed's attempts to make a good impression, already knowing that his mother was bound to rebuke his attempts to be formal if he kept it up. 

"Hope it tastes as good as it smells. Eduard is nearly done, if you want to check up on him," she said, busying herself in the kitchen. "And Zaeed?  No need for that."

"Just trying to be a gentleman," he replied. 

"For me or for Kaidan?" She asked lightly, taking a tray of buns out of the oven.  His father must be grilling burgers if she made those. 

And here comes her way of telling Zaeed to be more casual.  Kaidan remembered when Regis was too formal when he first met his parents, still teenagers healing from BAaT. 

Looking back, it was clear then that Regis wanted something more.  He fell hard for him, but BAaT lingered around him, preventing him from making that first move, always worried that Regis thought worse of him after what he did. 

No, after what they did.  Kaidan may have made the killing blow, but Regis's stasis made it easy for him. 

Something Regis always reminded him of when his thoughts about BAaT kept him awake on sleepless nights. 

He really should tell Zaeed.  

Vik laughed as Kaidan watched Zaeed flounder, trying to figure out a way to respond. "Now, Aurelia, be nice to our guest."

"I am!  Tradition, I swear.  You don't want me calling you 'sir' so there's no need to call me 'ma'am.'" She said, waving a hand towel at him. "But if you insist on being nice, help me out in the kitchen. I could use some extra hands from all of you."

"You don't want me in there," Adrian protested, staying in the armchair.  

"I wasn't talking to you," she laughed as Vik got up, already checking on some of the pots on the stove. "How about you, Zaeed?  Any skills in the kitchen?"

Zaeed walked over, glancing at the filled oven. "I'm good at following a recipe.  But I'm a god–” He coughed.  “I’m good at grilling."

Nice save there, love.  "Mom won't wilt if you say a few curse words.  Remember Regis's mouth?" Kaidan said, joining his mother. “Always tried to exceed the supposed maximum number you can string together.

Kaidan recalled the first time Regis let out a string of curses in front of his parents, damn near burning up on the spot. Eduard burst out laughing and welcomed him to the family. 

She shooed him away. "Go help your father.  I'll order them around.  And he's right.  I'm married to an Alliance soldier, remember?"

"I'll keep that in mind," Zaeed said, giving Kaidan an incredulous expression. 

He shrugged minutely, already heading to the back door to the patio. "Try not to interrogate him too much, Mom."

"That's what the dinner is for!" She called back. She was probably joking. 

Hopefully. 

He was not about to recount the details of how they actually got together.  Especially about Omega. 

Not exactly the smartest place to go, but he and Regis wanted to let loose and well… they definitely did and more. 

His father had the grill going, a platter of burgers already piled up and waiting to be eaten.  Kaidan took a deep breath, inhaling the smell of smoky meat and the clear air outdoors. "Kaidan!  Did Aurelia send you out here?" He greeted, setting down his tongs and opening his arms. 

"She enlisted everyone else to help her finish up," he replied, giving his father a hug. "So that left me here with you."

"Well, I could use a food runner in a bit," he said, gesturing over to the table. "Going to start bringing some plates over."

"Always happy to help," he said, waiting by the grill. 

"How are you doing?" He asked, temporarily shutting the lid. "I know you spoke to your mother yesterday–and introduced your new beau–but I want to hear it from you."

Kaidan sighed, knowing this was bound to pop up. "Doing better day by day.  Zaeed helped me through something I was avoiding, and he's been great.  I think we both needed each other," he admitted. "We had history, you know.  The three of us, I mean."

"Aurelia said," he nodded. "That mysterious shore leave you went on a few years back, hmm?"

"Maybe," Kaidan said, not quite meeting his father's gaze, staring out into the distance, looking at the beautiful fields of his childhood home. "Regis left me a video that we watched together, and he damn near outright stated that he wanted Zaeed and I to get back together.  Basically gave me the blessing to move on."

"He knew you too well.  I guess you stayed close with him after your short leave?  I remember that you weren't off long." His father’s tone betrayed no judgment.  

"Not like you're probably thinking.  Stayed friends.  Met up a handful of times for drinks.  Nothing more until…" Kaidan trailed off, closing his eyes.  "We were Alliance soldiers and he was a merc that mostly roamed the Terminus system.  It couldn't have worked out."

"But it does now?" He asked, a knowing look in his eye. "Or else you wouldn't have brought him here.  Hell, it took you how long to invite Regis over?"

"Longer than it should've," he reluctantly admitted. "Things were a lot different then.  That's not a good comparison to make."

His father winced. "Sorry.  Does he know?" 

There’s only one thing he will be asking about here.  

"No.  Not yet.  I've been thinking of telling him while we're here."

"Don't rush it if you aren't comfortable."

"It's not that," Kaidan said. "He's seen my biotics.  He's not the type to judge, and I know he's not going to judge.  No, it's just…" he shook his head. "I've never told anyone about BAaT without Regis being there with me.  And we both wanted to tell him about it together."

And now we can't. 

"He was with me the whole time.  Yeah, at the time I had eyes on Rahna, and I know that hurt him. But he stepped up alongside me when Vyrnnus went too far and continued to support me in everything after. Everyone else there feared me, feared what we could do.  But Regis?" Kaidan let out a sigh, wondering if he should admit to his father what Regis said to him many times while reminiscing about BAaT. 

"He would've traded places with you," his father finished for him, coming to a realization. "Is that it?"

Kaidan nodded. "Yeah," he said, his voice breaking.  He cleared his throat, trying to regain his composure despite knowing his father wouldn't judge, not here, not now, not ever.  "Always pissed me off when he would say that, but I also knew where he was coming from.  After joining the Alliance, I understood the type of man he could be."

"Ruthless bastard with a heart of gold?" he asked, a smile gracing his features. "Dealt with a few of those types."

"Something like that," Kaidan couldn't help but laugh. "And now the Alliance wants another soldier like him."

"Is that what your meetings were about?  What are you going to do?"

"Become an N. Work closely with Admiral Hackett concerning high profile missions. Finish Regis's dream of better regimens and opportunities for biotics within the Alliance,” Kaidan explained.  His father opened up the grill and motioned for him to grab another plate.

“A very ambitious ideal.  Is this something you’re doing for yourself or because the Alliance wants you to?” His father took the ribs off the grill.

Kaidan replied, taking the now filled plate over to the table and grabbing another.  “To answer your question: I made sure to do this on my own terms.  The Alliance still wants Regis, but I’m going to make damn sure that they cut that shit out.”

“I wouldn’t be surprised if they start using his likeness as a damn recruitment tool,” he muttered, filling up another plate.  

“Neither would I, and honestly I don’t think even Hannah could put a stop to it,” Kaidan said bitterly.  He arranged the plates on the table, covering them with foil to keep them warm. 

“Coming through!” Kaidan turned to see Zaeed holding the door open for Adrian, who was holding a heavy casserole dish of baked mac and cheese. 

“I see she made you the food runner,” Kaidan chuckled, pointing to an open spot on the table.

“You know I can’t cook, so this is the best I can do,” Adrian said, setting the dish down.  

“At this point, all you have to do is watch the food,” His father said, shaking his head. 

Adrian shrugged.  “Do you want good food or not?”

He rolled his eyes, turning to Zaeed who was still hanging out by the door.  “Zaeed, was it?”

He nodded, finally making his way over to join them.  He stood next to Kaidan, keeping a bit of distance between them.  Kaidan pressed himself up against Zaeed, wrapping an arm around his shoulders, squeezing him in close before letting go, trying to get him to chill out and relax around his parents.  “Dad, meet Zaeed Massani.”

“Eduard Alenko.  It’s my pleasure,” His father replied, setting down his utensils and wiping his hands down with a towel.  He held out his hand.

Zaeed shook his hand.  “Good to meet you, Eduard.  Beautiful place you have here.”

He smiled.  “That always seems to be the first thing people say.  And it’s true.”

Kaidan laced his fingers with Zaeed’s.  He gave him a smile in response, looking at him with open fondness.  

“So, you’re my son’s new beau.  You see, Kaidan here was a bit cagey on how you met.” Kaidan blushed at his father’s words.  “But he did mention you’re a merc.”

Zaeed glanced over at him before clearing his throat.  “I am, yes.  Mostly out in Terminus, occasionally in Citadel space.  These days I’m keeping an ear close to the ground, after all the shit that has happened.”

Seems he has already taken Kaidan’s words to heart.  

His father nodded.  “All I care about is knowing that my son has someone that’s not family out there with him.  Someone to keep an eye on him out in the black.”  He gave Zaeed a knowing look.

“I’m aware of exactly what Kaidan’s going back out there for, so I can do more than that,” he replied with a nod, not shying away from his father’s piercing gaze.  

“Do you have Alliance connections?”

“Have an old friend in the brass,” Zaeed said, keeping it vague.  Kaidan had a feeling his father would be grilling him about it later.  “Has its benefits, on occasion.”

His father finished plating up the hotdogs, sending Kaidan off to bring them to the table.  He shut the grill down for now.  “I’m sure it does.  I don’t like that my son is getting back out there so soon.”

“Neither do I, Dad, but… I need to do something. After what we saw, after what I saw… something big could be coming.”

“And everyone is blind to it.  Not like we can expect anything different.”

“Amen to that.”

The next few minutes were a flurry of dishes and food, such a large spread for the small group, but Mom would make sure they all head home with some leftovers and well wishes.  To his surprise, she even made a set of asari pies using fruit native to Thessia, an exorbitant cost that didn’t escape Vik’s notice.  

“You are a treasure on this planet,” they said, recognising the recipe as they brought them to the table.  “Did you happen to know this is my favorite?”

“I didn’t!  But I’m glad it is.  I’ve been wanting to try out some recipes and when I heard you were coming down I had to try it out. Hopefully it tastes good.  I promise I won’t be offended if you don’t like it,” his mother replied, sitting down at the table next to Kaidan.  Zaeed took the other seat next to Kaidan, and Adrian, Vik, and his father sat across from them.  

“I doubt that will be the case.  The few times I’ve been here, the food has been excellent.  Some of this is admittedly new to me.  Earth comfort food is what Adrian called it,” Vik replied, starting to grab food as they passed the dishes around.  

“We thought it would be a good menu to have.  Simple, but good,” his father said.  

“And many of these were Regis’s favorites,” Adrian said softly, placing a hand over Vik’s.  They smiled at him in return.  “I thank you for that.  He would have loved this.”

“Yeah, he really would,” Kaidan echoed.  “Didn’t escape my notice either.  Thank you.”

“Remember when we ordered that takeout that claimed to be ‘authentic Earth-American burgers,’” Zaeed started, the attention now on him.  “And Regis took one bite and biotically tossed the whole bag across the room?”

Kaidan laughed, stopping mid-bite.  “Yes!  I thought he was going to march to that restaurant and demand our credits back.”

“What stopped him?” his father asked.  

“Didn’t want to leave the room,” Zaeed chuckled. 

“So, you met on shore leave…” she started, trailing off.  “Willing to share any more details?”

“Yes,” Vik agreed, looking at the two of them.  Kaidan shared a look with Zaeed, who kept his expression carefully blank.  “Remind me when that shore leave was?”

Kaidan wasn’t about to lie to Vik, who was damn good at sniffing them out.  Likely from their many years of working on Omega.  “Going by the Earth calendar?  October of 2180.”

Vik smirked.  “You cheeky little bastards.  And you didn’t visit me?  Ah, I had to hear all about your adventures from the gossip.”

Kaidan shook his head as the table erupted in discussion.  Always stirring up trouble, Vik.  It’s why they and Adrian fit so damn well together.  “You were on Omega?” His father asked.  “Explains how you ran into a terminus merc.”

His mother shook her head, laughing softly.  “So you two were being scandalous, is that what Vikram is saying?”

Zaeed looked like he wanted to disappear, but he recovered quickly.  “They brought me in, hook, line, and sinker,” he leaned in close.  “Wouldn’t have had it any other way.” 

“Dammit, Zee,” Kaidan muttered, feeling his cheeks heat up.  Zaeed mouthed the nickname, tilted his head to the side, and kissed him on the cheek.  His mother cooed at their affection.

All good signs so far.  Doesn’t mean he won’t escape a grilling later.

“So, you’re saying it's a story a mother doesn’t need to hear about her son.  Got it.” She laughed, pulling Kaidan into a hug.  “Must have been a good trip if you stayed friends.”

“It was,” Kaidan finally recovered, leaning into his mother’s hug before breaking apart.  “And Vik?  Sorry for not visiting.”

“I’m just playing, darling.  I suppose I should offer my own apology for revealing your hand.  Just couldn’t resist,” they trailed off with a knowing grin.  “Come on, if you can survive me, you can survive this relationship.”

Adrian lifted up his drink in response.  Vik did the same, clinking their bottles together.

“What’s that supposed to mean, Vik?  Thought we were friends!” Zaeed said, shaking his head.

“Friends until they can fuck with you,” Adrian said with a knowing look. Vik punched him lightly on the shoulder. 

“No comment,” Vik replied.  “This food is excellent by the way.”  Both his mother and father beamed at the compliment.  

The conversation stilled as they dug into the food, making light chatter.  Zaeed managed to integrate himself well, fitting into their dynamic damn near seamlessly.

As they slowed down, the conversation changed.  “So, Zaeed, where are you from?” His mother asked.

Kaidan didn’t even know the answer to that.  

“All around.  I was a traveler.  Tried out a few different paths, even Alliance at one point,” Zaeed began. “I stayed out of the FCW, but I did eventually venture out in the black.  Found myself in Terminus, and here we are.”

“Is that where you got the Suns’ tattoo?” his father asked, touching the bare skin of his neck, the same spot where Zaeed’s tattoo was.  The air became tense.  Adrian and Vik both froze, waiting for Zaeed’s response.  His mother placed her hand on top of his father’s, giving him one of her signature eyebrow raises.  

Zaeed didn’t flinch at the question.  Instead, he leaned forward.  “Nothing escapes your notice, huh?  Waiting for a good moment to ask?”  His father opened his mouth to reply, his expression carefully neutral, but Zaeed beat him to it, waving it off.  “It’s not something I’m ashamed of.  Kaidan and Regis were both aware.  Hell, I was waiting for someone to point it out.”

Kaidan placed his hand on top of his.  Zaeed twisted his hand so that their fingers would be laced together.  “Zaeed was one of the founders,” Kaidan said in lieu of his boyfriend, making it clear that he’s well aware of his past.  “But that is history.”

“Never said it was current,” his father said, not quite backing down.  Not that he blamed him.  Kaidan and Regis both knew about his past, about Vido.  Not all the details but enough.  “I thought Batarians founded the Suns?”

The Suns’ logo isn’t obscure, but he knew it didn’t escape Adrian’s notice for sure.  He shouldn’t judge, and maybe that’s what they talked about after Kaidan and Vik talked about the T’Soni footage.  He may play at being a fancy civilian pilot, but he smuggles as much as he does legit runs.   

He should’ve known his father would recognize it.  Maybe his mother did too, not wanting to cause a stir. 

“It has long since become a goddamn cesspool,” Zaeed spat out.  Talking about the Suns was almost always a sore spot with him.  “Did we create it under the greatest of morals?  No.  I wasn’t a good man then.”  I’m not a good man now, Kaidan heard.  “It’s a part of me, and I won’t deny it.  Judge me if you want, but it’s a reminder that I survived.  Yes, you're right. The official story is that the Batarians founded it, but only after I was betrayed when I didn't want to employ them and get involved in their trades.” He pointed to the scar on his face, never letting go of Kaidan’s grip.  “I love your son.  I loved and still love the one you probably considered one too. And my biggest goddamn regret is not saying any of this shit sooner.”

Fuck.  They hadn’t said it to each other yet, but the feelings were understood, underneath the surface.  

“I love him too.  And my heart will never forget Regis.  Isn’t that what this get-together was supposed to be about?  Celebrating and remembering him?  Zaeed is a part of that.  He is a part of me,” Kaidan said, raising his voice.  “Of us.  And if you judge him, you judge Regis.”

His parents didn’t immediately respond, both seemingly at war with themselves.  Vik looked like they wanted to say something, but Adrian shook his head, stopping them.

Kaidan clenched his jaw.  “I’m going to get some air.  Thanks for the meal.”  He stood up and put his napkin on the table, ignoring his parents' protests.

He found himself halfway over to the barn where he and Regis kept their motorcycles.  He thought back to the damn helmets Zaeed had made for them, not even knowing about their hobby but wanting them to share in his.  Yet another thing that had in common.  Yet another thing that would’ve made their relationship great.  

Footsteps crunched the leaves behind him, and he whirled around to see Zaeed, hands stuffed in his jacket pockets.  “Wasn’t about to leave you alone.”

“Leaving me alone probably would’ve made them judge you even more,” he sighed, leaning against the wall of the barn.  “I’m sorry.”

“I wouldn’t make them the damn bad guys yet,” he said softly.  “Just worried about their son who lost the love of his life and is shacking up with a guy damn near twice his age.”

“Well, I’ll give them more to talk about.”  Kaidan unlatched the door of the barn and headed inside.  “Let’s go for a fucking ride.”

“The motorcycles you talked about earlier,” Zaeed realized as he followed him inside.

Kaidan pulled off the tarp that covered the bikes.  Regis’s red and black monster and Kaidan’s blue and silver slim machine looked as new and as clean as they were when they bought them a few years ago.

Same condition as they were when they drove off in the country after they returned home to tell the Alenkos the news of their Normandy notification.

“Fucking beautiful machines,” Zaeed breathed, leaning up against him. “You two were holding out on me. Damn, the helmet gifts were selfish on my part, but now I definitely realize how accurate they were.”

Kaidan kissed him on the cheek. “Thoughtful without even knowing it.  Regis was a stickler with his monster. I may have ridden it maybe twice as the driver.” He closed his eyes and let out a breath. “But he isn't here to bitch to me about it, so we're going to take his Alchemy for a ride.”

“I can hear him now,” Zaeed said, his voice rough. “Yeah, let's piss him off.”

Kaidan grabbed his helmet from the cabinet and passed a spare one to Zaeed.  They weren't in the best gear for riding, but nothing a quick flash forge of tech armor won't fix in a pinch. 

His codes still worked and the motorcycle roared to life in a loud purr.  All he could hear was the shout Regis would let out every time he got on his bike. 

Zaeed whistled. “If I didn't know him I'd say he was compensating for something.” 

“It's so ridiculous,” Kaidan agreed with a laugh, ignoring the wetness that started to gather around his eyes. “He loved it.”

“Yeah, I'm sure he did.”

Kaidan hopped on and Zaeed got on behind him, wrapping his arms around and resting his helmeted head on his shoulder.  A mirror to earlier today. 

With one last deep breath, Kaidan took off and drove towards the dirt road leading to the back of the property heading into the country. 

– –

They drove in silence, only letting the sound of Alchemy’s roar fill the air.  Zaeed never asked where Kaidan was planning on going, but he did have a destination in mind. 

About thirty minutes out is a little clearing next to a small pond, a short walk from the road. A favorite spot of Regis’s, due to the large, lone apple tree that provided a perfect bit of shade. 

A secret haven for the locals.  Many initials have been carved into that tree or at the wooden table and benches that have made their way over to the spot. 

A slice of life he wants to show Zaeed. 

The air was cool and slowly the sun was starting to set, but Kaidan didn't care.  He needed to get away for a moment, to get away from the judging, but loving eyes of his family and take Zaeed for himself.

Soon enough, they arrived and Kaidan parked Regis's motorcycle off to the side, powering it back down with his omnitool, the roar of the motor quieting down.  It felt like he was silencing Regis and his spirit.

“That's one damn good bike,” Zaeed said, unwrapping himself from Kaidan and stepping down from the bike, taking off his helmet. “I can see why he's so protective over it.”

“It amazes me he never went into engineering.  He just… forged his own path,” Kaidan said, running his hand down the side of the warm machine before taking off his own helmet.  He reached out for Zaeed's hand. “Follow me.”

He was a grounding presence as they walked the well-worn trail heading to the peaceful clearing, footsteps crunching the leaves and a soft breeze rustling amongst the trees.  Kaidan took in a deep breath, smelling the outdoors that was his home.

But it didn’t quite feel like home without Regis taking this trip with him.  

Zaeed was making it easier.

The trees parted to reveal the clearing, and Kaidan led him over to one of the picnic tables closest to the apple tree, sitting down with a sign.  Zaeed settled against him, wrapping an arm around him and pulling him in close to his side.   Kaidan rested his head on his shoulder, closing his eyes.  “I shouldn’t have stormed off.”

Zaeed let out a snort.  “Well, it led you to bringing me here, so it can’t have been that terrible of a decision.” “No, I guess not.  They would’ve heard that beast of his and immediately knew where we were going.  Fuck, I miss him.”  He let out a shuddering breath, trying to hold back the sob that threatened to escape.  

“This is where he wanted to propose, wasn’t it?” Zaeed asked.

“Yeah, it sure as shit was.  Look,” he pointed with a shaky hand.  “We even carved our initials on that tree.”

Many couples had done the same. His and Regis’s were near the heart of the tree.

“You sure did,” Zaeed said softly.  “Excuse me.”  Kaidan wanted to argue as Zaeed stood up, but he watched him find a spot just underneath their initials and added his own with a dagger carefully hidden in his boot.  He put his name above Regis so it was sandwiched between them.  

He was the glue that brought them all together in the end.

When Zaeed sat back down and put his arm around him, Kaidan broke, sobbing into his chest, thinking back to that damn video, that damn ring, that damn Regis.

Zaeed held him tightly, and Kaidan chose to ignore the wetness he felt on his head from where Zaeed was resting his chin.  Silent sobs wracked them both in the heart of the Canadian country, as the sun set and the stars that became Regis’s grave started to twinkle and shine.

But nothing will shine as bright as Regis and his biotics, a beacon on both the battlefield and in their hearts.  

Distantly, he heard the roar of a motorcycle, and they slowly broke apart, still holding each other tightly.  His omnitool pinged and he checked it while wiping his eyes.

Dad: May we join you?

Mom: We took your bike.  Sorry if I messed with your settings.  I have some of the Thessian pie, if you two just want some of that and we can go.

“Think we all should talk,” Zaeed said, clearing his throat.

Kaidan nodded, not exactly trusting his voice right now.

Kaidan: Come on over.  If you have tissues or at least napkins… that will be appreciated.

Mom: We sure do.

Kaidan didn’t reply, and tried to steel himself and regain some of his composure before his parents entered the clearing.  He knew this is where his mother proposed to his father, a little jewel of the country.  It’s a damn shame the apples weren’t in season.

Another thing he so desperately wanted to share with Zaeed.  Another thing he wanted to share with Regis once more.

They didn’t break apart for one moment, listening to each other’s heart beat, listening to the other’s breathing.  In and out.  One second at a time.

The tell-tale sound of footsteps traveling on leaves filled the air, and his mother and father approached them.  His mother was holding a picnic basket, while his father carried a small cooler.  

“Oh, sweetheart,” his mother said, rushing over to put the basket on the table and passing him and Zaeed some tissues.  “I’m so sorry.”

“No,” Kaidan said, his voice rough.  “I’m–”

“You don’t have a damn thing to apologize for,” his father interrupted.  “If anything it’s–”

“No one’s apologizing for a fucking thing,” Zaeed said with a finaility, all attention on him.  “So, let’s cry about Regis, eat some damn good pie, and see where it goes.”

Kaidan started to laugh, which initially sounded like a sob, his shoulders shaking until the laugh bubbled out of him, a loud bark utterly unlike him.  Zaeed joined him, squeezing him tight, and soon enough, they were all laughing.  Kaidan ignored the tears that sprung in his eyes, blaming them on the laughter.

Hope you’re happy, wherever you are, my love.  And also cursing my name for taking out your Alchemy.

When everything calmed and quieted down, his parents reintroduced themselves, Zaeed did the same, and was frank about his tattoo.  “I may not be a Suns any longer, but I do run a similar way of life.  That goddamn way of life brought me to Regis and Kaidan, and I wouldn't trade it for anything.  And now with all the shit that’s going on in the galaxy…”

“You can’t hang up your gun just yet,” his father guessed, and Zaeed nodded.

“And I also made a promise to keep an eye on him.  Can’t do that if I don’t have my goddamn gun.”  Kaidan leaned in to kiss his cheek, smiling at Zaeed’s words.  They must be a blotchy, wrecked mess, but he didn’t care.

His mother busied herself into passing out the pie and some bottled drinks.  Just water, knowing they had to ride back to the property in the dark.  “Vik and Adrian offered to come, but we didn’t know if you wanted a full party here.”

“Maybe not,” Kaidan said, taking the plate with a nod of thanks.  “You took my bike?”

“Aurelia insisted,” his father shrugged.

She nodded. “Been a while since your girl has been out. Quicksilver needed some love. Lord knows Alchemy did.  Think he's yelling at you right now?”

Kaidan paused mid bite, tilting his head to the side. “I don't know, actually.  Maybe the sight of Zaeed riding it with me could've made him pause.” He sniffed, setting down the pie and reaching for a clean tissue to blow his nose.  Reaching back for the pie, he took a bite, humming at the sour, juicy taste of the fruit.  “He would’ve loved this too.”

“Right, he always liked sour things,” his father said.  “Him and his weird obsession with hard lemonade, for one.”

Even his parents noticed that odd fact about him.  Sure, he would enjoy mixed drinks filled with syrup and fruit, but he’d always ask for hard lemonade if someone was buying or grab a case or two when it was their time to buy drinks.  

“He got that from Hannah,” Kaidan replied.  “Always bugged me that he never shared my taste for alcohol.”

“Make that our taste,” Zaeed said in between bites.  “This is excellent, by the way.  What did Vik think?”

“Asked for the recipe immediately,” his mother laughed.  “Said it was one of the best interpretations of the pie they’ve had in years.  And I got the feeling they meant decades.”

“Likely so,” Zaeed replied.  “Vik’s been around.  And well, I wouldn’t exactly be here without them.  Sort of.”

“Really?” Kaidan asked. “I could tell you both knew each other beyond passing.”

He rubbed at the scar on his face. “You already know that Hackett helped me out after I was betrayed.  Vik was the one that healed me up.”

Kaidan already knew all the other details.  How exactly he was betrayed.  His drive for revenge. This adds even more context. Probably even helped explain why Vik also accepted them so readily. 

“The same Hackett that is overseeing your new orders?” His father asked. “Small galaxy.”

Kaidan nodded, finishing his slice of pie. “Yeah, same person. Threw me for a loop when Zee told me about their past. Just means we have a good group here.”

“That it does,” his mother said, cleaning up the table and putting the dirty plates in the basket. 

“Vik made it clear about their own thoughts on our little… grilling of you, Zaeed. And I know you said no apologies, but I'm sorry for putting you on the spot about your past,” his father turned to Zaeed. 

“Like I said, it's fine. I don't blame you one goddamn bit. Thanks for letting me come.”

“It was no trouble,” she said. “Now, are you boys going to head back with us or enjoy the night air for a little longer?”

Kaidan looked over at Zaeed. “There's one more thing I'd like to talk about before we go. About… how I met Regis.”

To his relief, his parents didn't react other than a nod and wishes for a safe drive once they’re on their way, along with a message so they know when to expect them.  Zaeed looked at him curiously, but he didn’t protest until his parents were well out of their sight.

“Am I missing something?” He asked.  “I thought you two met in biotic training.  Unless you wanted some more alone time…” he trailed off, but his concerned look didn’t leave despite his suggestive comment.

Kaidan scooted closer to him on the bench, resting his head on his shoulder.  “That’s the easy way to put it.”  He took a deep breath, and he launched into the story of BAaT.  Of meeting Regis and Rahna and everyone else.  Kids under the wrath of a turian merc.  Kaidan’s own attitude and where that got him.  The friendship he formed with Regis early on, never noticing Regis’s feelings for him until after BAaT.  

Zaeed stayed a silent, steady presence next to him as he continued on, talking about their treatment.  The conditions they were under, the injuries many of them sustained, the lack of care all for results.  The red sand that was introduced for some.  Kaidan got very little.

Regis got a hell of a lot more.

“Explains why he smoked those damn Astras,” Zaeed interrupted.  “Always wondered how he got into that habit.”

Vik got him into it as a safe way to deal with the cravings.  They didn’t expect him to start using them more recreationally.  Kaidan wished he still had that old lighter that Regis gave him to hold onto so that he had to go through him for cravings. 

Even if he could light the damn things easily with his omnitool, he never did.  He was in control of his habit to an extent.  Kaidan can’t really say anything, though.

When Regis would smoke, Kaidan would share with him.

Kaidan nodded.  “Yeah, they dosed us to see the limits of what we could do.  It stopped after they overdosed one of the students.  Claimed it was a result of the implant, but we all knew what really happened.   Eezo overload and implant failure.”

Zaeed cursed, shaking his head.  “And something tells me there’s worse shit you haven’t told me about.”

Kaidan couldn’t help but laugh, which prompted Zaeed to let out another curse.  “I’m getting there.”

There was no use delaying it.  All the kids who had to use their biotics to build something.  The glass of water offered to Rahna, who reached out with her arm.

Kaidan springing to her defense after Vyrnnus broke her arm.  The talon to his face and then–a stasis.  But too late, as Kaidan already primed his kick and somehow snapped his neck despite Regis’s field.

The aftermath was easier to talk about now, with Regis’s words echoing in the back of his mind.  None of this was your fault.  We all wanted something to happen to him.  One day, they will see it like I do.

I wish it was me in your place instead.

When they took you away, I promised I would look out for you.  That hasn’t changed.

That will never change.

When Kaidan finished telling Zaeed about BAaT, he noticed a meteor streak across the sky, a bright white line that quickly faded into nothing.  He wasn’t sure what it meant, but he’d take any sign that Regis was out there.  “And there he is, still looking out for me.  Maybe he wasn’t pissed off about Alchemy.”

“You said he made you a promise, Regis doesn't break them lightly,” Zaeed said, looking up at the sky, waiting for a sign of his own, perhaps. 

“No,” Kaidan’s voice hitched.  “No, he doesn’t.”

Zaeed was quiet for a moment before pulling him into a hug. “I could tell how fucking hard that was to tell me.  I'm sorry you went through that. You both were goddamn kids.”

“Thanks,” Kaidan said, returning his hug and not letting go just yet. “It was just… a heavy burden to have weighing on us. Regis got off easy in comparison, and he tried to make sure I didn't let anyone get to me afterwards.” He closed his eyes. “That's when I knew he loved me.  Still took him a couple of years to make the first move. I was too scared, still too afraid of what I could be.  I could've worked through it on my own eventually, but he made sure I didn't have to do it alone.” Yet again, he could feel tears gathering. 

“And you aren't alone now. Not as long as you have me, godammit.”

“I love you.  Thank you for being here.”

“I love you, too. Thank you for letting me in.”

– – 

The drive back was quiet, their flash-forged tech armor helping to light the way on the dark roads that led back to his family’s property. 

Vik was waiting for them at the barn, sitting on one of the stools in front of the workbench. “Everything okay?” They asked. 

Kaidan powered down Alchemy after parking it next to his Quicksilver, deconstructing his tech armor. “Been better, but we're good.  Thanks for waiting on us.”

“Don't mention it.  Get some sleep, darling. Remember, you're also here to learn some new tricks before you get back out there.”

“Don't worry, I haven't forgotten,” Kaidan tried to return their grin, but it felt forced.  Vik luckily didn't comment on it. 

“And Zaeed, you are welcome to watch,” they said with a knowing look. 

“Might have to take you up on that.  I love seeing biotics in action.”

“You'll get plenty of that. Just remember whose home you are staying in,” they chuckled, and Kaidan felt his cheeks heat up at Zaeed's gaze. 

“Thanks Vik,” Kaidan rolled his eyes. 

“Anytime. Adrian helped get your old bedroom in order. All you have to do is get some sleep,” they repeated again with a pointed look. “I won't lie and say I was silent after you two left, but I think tensions were high solely because of who we were remembering.”

Kaidan was sure Vik was being tactful, and his parents did say that Vik got a few words in. “Regis wanted me–us–to move on.”

“I know.  My kid clearly cared for the both of you, and I wish he told me about you three,” Vik said, looking at them both. “But he's always been a secretive sort.  You should probably tell Hannah about this.  I think she’d appreciate knowing another aspect of her son.”

Would she?  Hannah approved of them, seemingly happy Regis found someone that managed to get him in the Alliance he was so seemingly against back when they first met and were talking about their lives and dreams.  Sometimes Kaidan wondered if his drive to join the Alliance caused Regis to do the same, knowing he had his own plans with his cybernetics education.

But Regis was happy in the Alliance.  Despite Torfan.  Despite his mother’s reaction.  Despite… the beacon.

Kaidan wasn’t sure how she’d react to him moving on so fast, even if he does give the extra details, send a few pictures, and bring Adrian and Vik in on this to help his case.

It’s a conversation he will have to have soon.

“I’ll talk to her,” Kaidan said, motioning for Zaeed to help him cover the bike.  “I had a meeting with her first about what to do next.”

“How was that?” Vik asked.  “I’ve only talked to her once since… the funeral.”  Still hard for them all to say.

“Fine, if a little… well.  You know,” Kaidan said, making a so-so gesture.  Vik nodded along.  They understood.  “I have her support in many ways, though.” “Personally and professionally.  Good,” Vik said with a nod.  “Well, I shouldn’t keep you.  Need you to be well rested.”

“Should I be worried?”

“No, I imagine you’ll be a good student.  Reaving, bubbles, and fields can take a lot out of you, so we’ll need plenty of calories. Especialy you.”  Vik got up from the stool.  “Which means if Zaeed is a good boyfriend, he’ll be supplying that for you.”

“Well, if the Alenkos will let me take over their grill, I’ll be a good boyfriend,” Zaeed said, grabbing his hand and tugging on it to urge Kaidan along.  

“So does that make Adrian a terrible partner because he doesn’t do that for you?” Kaidan asked.

Vik laughed.  “I love him with all my heart.  Keep him as far away from a kitchen as possible.  He makes up for it in other ways, and well, we don’t burn as many calories in comparison.”

“Huh, I didn’t know that,” he admitted, locking up the barn and making sure everything was powered down.  

“Younger maidens, yes,” they said.  “They need more energy to grow, just like your teenagers and young adults.  But once we mature beyond that, it evens out.  It’s still not the same caloric deficit.  I had to learn a lot of adjustments on the fly after BAaT.”  After they said the name of the program, they stopped and looked at Kaidan.  “Sorry, does he?”

“He does,” Zaeed answered.  “Just learned about it.  Fucking hell.”

“Couldn’t have said it better myself.”

“Not that it’s any of my goddamn business…” Zaeed trailed off, looking at Kaidan and Vik.  He knew where this was going.

Vik interrupted, “Why didn’t I teach Regis?”

Zaeed nodded, glancing over at Kaidan.  He returned his gaze with a nod, hoping that it told him he was fine with the question.  Kaidan honestly didn’t know, and he never asked Regis about it.  Considering Regis was always a little pissed at the whole situation every time it was brought up, it wasn’t something worth pursuing.  They were here now, and Regis tended to not dwell much on alternatives.  What happened, happened, and he was going to deal with it.

Well, with Regis’s unhealthy tendencies to hold a hell of a grudge.  What he would give to hear Regis rant again…

“Politics,” they damn near spat, the venom evident.  Kaidan wasn’t surprised.  It made sense.  After all, humanity’s biotics were all about the politics.

“It’s good PR to have the son of a high ranking Alliance officer endorse the program, right?  But I know Hannah wanted me to do it, despite me being an old Commando.  And I never really got the chance to teach him the way I wanted after he told me that he was joining the Alliance, but alas… I wouldn’t necessarily say that it would’ve been better for him to have learned from me.  It brought him to you, after all.”  Vik motioned towards him.

That’s what Regis would always say.  He never regretted BAaT because it brought them together.  Didn’t stop Kaidan’s vein’s from turning to ice.  Didn’t stop the feeling of relief that Regis was there anyway.  The selfishness of knowing him despite the torture they went through.

No, Kaidan thought to himself, it wouldn’t have been better for Regis to have learned how to control his biotics from Vik.

One thing he didn’t know, however, was that Hannah wanted Vik to do it.  “Did Regis know that his mother wanted you to teach him?”

Vik’s eyes widened, their markings stretching across their face.  “Wait, she never told him?  This whole time, she let him think that she blocked me from…” they shook their head.  “Can’t believe she let herself be turned into a bad guy.  Explains why Regis never really cornered me about it beyond when he first asked me about it.”

Kaidan knew part of that story.  A young Regis asking Vik to be his teacher, to be like the asari commandos he heard stories about as a kid.  But Vik only said to ask his mother, and that was the end of the conversation.

“In some ways,” Kaidan continued walking back to the house.  “She already was for not letting Regis spend more time on Earth, but that doesn’t explain why she never explained herself.  Unless… she didn’t want to poison the Alliance for him?  I don’t know.” He sighed.  “I’m sorry, there’s really no use speculating about it.”

“And Regis wouldn’t want us to anyway,” Vik said with undisguised frustration.  “I’d say the Alliance was poisoned for him long before BAaT.  Clearly BAaT and its ties didn’t deter him either, but you had a lot to do with that.”  Something… else was lingering in their tone that Kaidan couldn’t place.

He felt bold.  “In what way?”

“I’m not saying you forced him.  Goddess, darling,” They shook their head.  

“What are you saying?” Kaidan tried to keep his voice neutral, but the weariness and emotions of the day were bearing down on him.

“Sometimes I wonder what his life would’ve been like if he didn’t join.  That’s it.  But I’d imagine he would’ve followed me to Omega and used his cybernetics degree for all the right and wrong reasons, and ended up in another dangerous situation,” Vik sighed.  They stopped at the back door of the patio.  “Unlike Regis, I think about every damn thing. You think I wouldn't with how many centuries I've been alive, but I've never been good at acceptance.  He was destined for greatness and far away from the quiet life.  I’m just… I’ve lost a lot of friends and people I loved.  I didn’t expect to lose him so soon.”

Kaidan felt like a dick.  “Vik, I’m—”

“Sorry? Don’t be.  You are looking out for your love the same way I’m looking out for my kid.  What’s the phrase?  Water under the bridge?” They held out their hand.

Kaidan shook it, feeling the soft hiss of Vik’s corona intersect with his own.  A foreign sensation so unlike the field that would form between his and Regis’s.  

“Water under the bridge,” Kaidan repeated.  “You got it right.”

“Adrian’s a good teacher.  He also helped get your bedroom ready to go with your luggage.” Vik stepped aside to open the door.  The lights were off in the house.  His parents must’ve already gone up to bed.  

“Thanks,” Zaeed said with a yawn.  “It’s been a long day.”

“Especially for you both,” Vik said as they all walked quietly up the stairs.  Adrian waved at them from the hallway.  His hair was down from its usual bun, and to Kaidan's amusement, he was wearing a long-sleeved shirt with asari writing on it.

“Hope you had some good time alone,” he said, opening his arms for a hug.  Kaidan accepted it, inhaling deeply, smelling the same hint of citrus that Regis loved in his own scents.  He knew they used the same hair products, both enjoying taming and styling their curls best they could.  Another indulgence Regis loved was expensive self-care products, comparing notes with his uncle.

“We did,” Kaidan said quietly, pulling away.  “Thanks for waiting up.”

Adrian waved it off.  “Anytime.  You’re basically my surrogate kid, so I’m going to be your surrogate uncle and tell you to get some rest.  Also because Vik is going to kick your ass tomorrow.”

Kaidan rolled his eyes but was smiling all the same.  “We’ll see about that.”

“I look forward to it.” Vik bowed.  “Good night to the both of you.”

“Good night,” Kaidan said, and Zaeed nodded, following him to his old bedroom at the end of the hall.

It was nearly as he left it the last time he and Regis visited.  The bed was already unmade, piled high with warm blankets and pillows, his old blue comforter a nice sight to see.  His walls were still covered with old pictures and posters, and Zaeed looked around, taking them in, grinning at some but never saying anything.  He stopped at an array of photos on his old dresser.

Photos from when Regis was visiting in between his classes and when he graduated with his cybernetics degree.  Still young and before they enlisted.  Kaidan did a bit of schooling online, but finished his biology background by going into a specialty medic track while in the Alliance.  

Zaeed picked another photo up.  Regis was grinning in his graduation regalia, holding up his degree while Kaidan kissed him on the cheek.  He remembered his mother taking that picture, smiling and laughing at their affection. 

“He was so young,” Zaeed said.  “No tats, no scars… looks completely different.”

“Torfan changed him,” Kaidan said, taking the photo from him and putting it back on the dresser.  “Face was still full of metal though.”

“Sure was,” he laughed.  His gaze turned to another picture, taken not long after BAaT.  It was a selfie of Regis Kaidan had framed, always pulling it back out every time Regis tried to hide it.

It still had Regis with his natural green eyes instead of his gene modded red.

“Didn’t know he used to have green eyes either,” Zaeed said, probably thinking of his own.  “We could’ve matched.”

Kaidan has thought about that too.  “Not long after BAaT is when he got into body mods.  It was like no time at all when he started changing things about himself.  Going for a face full of piercings, full sleeves of tattoos… he didn’t get the neck ones until after Torfan.  His chest wasn’t long after he got the ones on his neck.”

“And the one on his back?”

“Not long after we landed in Omega,” Kaidan said, wishing he could trace the lines of that cybernetic heart.

“I knew the story behind his neck.  Hell, when I got his Black Widow, I saw that skull of his staring back at me,” Zaeed said.  “His arms were because of his father, right?”

“Porcelain flowers because of his late grandmother’s tea sets.  Yggdrasil directly because his father had one on his back.  Treated like a connection to Earth, and I asked Regis if I could get it too.” Kaidan rubbed his leg where the tattoo was.  “Damn near knocked me over with the kiss he gave me.”

“I can imagine that… think it’ll be okay if I get some of his flowers on my hip?” Zaeed asked quietly, almost hesitant.

Kaidan leaned in for a kiss, soft and sweet.  “I think he–and I–would like that.  I was going to get a big piece done on my back as well.  Haven’t decided what yet.  Maybe a bit of eezo ink too.”

“Sounds like something we can try to do together.”

“I’d like that.”  Kaidan let out a yawn.  “Best get to bed.  Sounds like Vik is going to kick my ass tomorrow.”

“Do you know exactly what they’re going to teach you?  Haven’t heard any of that biotic shit before–well, maybe bubbles.” Zaeed asked as he grabbed his luggage, sorting through his bed clothes and grabbing his toiletries.

“A few things.  I sort of know the theory behind them, but it’s not going to be easy.”  Kaidan started to unpack his clothes too, grabbing what he needed and starting to tug off his clothes before pulling on the soft red plaid pajama pants he stole from Regis.  A bit too long on him, but they were something to steal.

He walked into the bathroom and turned on the light.  Zaeed settled behind him, shirtless against his own bare skin, wrapping his arms around his stomach as Kaidan began to brush his teeth.  “Either way, it’ll be a hell of a show.”

Kaidan hummed, going through the motions before spitting out the paste.  “Just wish Regis were here to do it with me.”

“So do I.” He kissed the top of his head and swapped places with him.  “My turn.”

So easy to get lost in the domesticity.  Kaidan wished they had a few more days.

– –

Kaidan stared at his omnitool while sitting on the edge of the bed, thinking back to what Vik said earlier about Hannah.  It was late, but he knew she kept long hours.  And he doubted she, like the rest of them, was getting much sleep lately.  

Zaeed was already under the covers, scrolling on his own omnitool.

It will be just a quick call.  He can also update her on the T’Soni situation from his perspective, hoping that Hackett already had that conversation with her.

“Going to call his mother?” he asked.  

“Thinking about it.”

“Then do it.  Need a minute alone?”

Kaidan shook his head.  “No, but I am going to pull on a shirt.”  He reached for the sweatshirt he brought with him, branded with the Alliance marines symbol, and tugged it on.  “I’m going to tell her about us and what we had with him, but I won’t make you part of the call unless she asks.”

“She’s going to ask.  She’ll know,” he laughed, but it didn’t sound carefree.  A little strained, either from the weight of the day or facing yet another meeting with a parent.

Kaidan snorted and got up to sit at his desk, sending her a quick message.

She replied nearly instantly with a link, no message attached to it.

Kaidan took a deep breath and opened the link, keeping his bed out of the view.  She appeared on the other side, her dark black hair down in waves instead of its usual bun.  She looked tired, older, wearing a purple turtleneck that immediately reminded him of Regis.

“Hackett told me you were with family and to not bother you.  What’s wrong?” She asked.

“Nothing’s wrong, but Vik wanted me to talk to you about something.  First, need me to talk about the whole thing with T’Soni?”

She waved it off.  “Not now.  What more can you say?  I know Regis didn’t want her on board, and more than that, I realize how idiotic the Council was for not putting her up in protective custody when he asked.” She scoffed.  “He made a hell of a choice that day.  Though, it shouldn’t surprise me by now.”

“That he’s willing to sacrifice to get the outcome he wants?” Kaidan challenged, unable to prevent himself from striking out.

“No.” Her face was still.  “That he was willing to make the ballsy choices that would have nearly every admiral in this leadership squealing.  If he didn’t keep back our fleet, he could’ve doomed the goddamn galaxy.  Of course, no one’s going to see it that way,” she sighed.  “But I’m with you and him on that.  He did the right thing.  Always tried.”

Kaidan bit back his comment.  Should’ve told him that more often.  

“I know what you want to say, and trust me, I have plenty of regrets.  So, why was Vik wanting you to talk to me?” 

Hannah was always good at reading people.  But not her son.

How to best start this story… “Remember the man in Regis’s will that he gave his arsenal to?  The ones that weren’t on the Normandy?”

“I do,” she nodded, narrowing his eyes.  “It wasn’t the time to ask or contest when we were handling it.  Who is he?”

Kaidan let out a breath.  “Zaeed Massani was an old temporary third in our relationship a few years ago.”

To her credit, her expression barely changed, save for a slight widening of her eyes.  “And when you say temporary…”

“A few weeks.  An ill-advised shore leave on Omega that showed we were a little in over our heads…”

“And you met him there,” she guessed, not accepting the bait for the story.  He was grateful for that.

Kaidan nodded.  “It’s a bit of a long story but… yes.  We mutually agreed to pursue him and well… we stayed friends after we parted ways.”

“Had to if he willed his goddamn Widow to him.  Skull engraving and all?”

“Skull engraving and all,” Kaidan echoed.  “He’s not just some friend to us.”

“But I didn’t know him,” she said, lacing her fingers together on her desk.

“Vik and Adrian didn’t either in that way,” Kaidan said.  “Vik only knew Zaeed in passing due to their work.  Adrian mostly knew Zaeed because of Vik, not because of us.”

“Runs in the same circles as Vik, huh.  So, what are you going to tell me next?  Don’t tell me he’s part of T’Loak’s circle…”

He was sure Zaeed had to be careful to not make himself known at that comment.  “He’s an independent merc.”

She nodded, leaning back in her chair.  “Okay.  What is this really about, Kaidan?  You call me late at night to tell me of an ex-fling of yours that ended up making such an impact that Regis willed his goddamn armory to him.  Well, that’s now explained because of his work.  But why did Vik want you to tell me this?  Another reminder that my son and I never talked to each other?”

Kaidan let her rant, keeping his face still.  Here goes nothing.  “Regis gave me a separate video for me to watch.  I finally watched it.”

“He recorded me a short one too,” she said, her face softening.  “What did he say?”

“He wanted me to move on with my life.  Find someone else.  And in that video, he mentioned Zaeed by name.”

Her face, again, betrayed nothing. 

So, he continued.  “When I left Arcturus, I met up with Zaeed before even knowing about the video.  He just happened to be on Earth.  So, I finally faced that damn video with him by my side, and Regis dropped that bomb out of nowhere.  Regis hoped that Zaeed would be that person for me to rely on and one day love.” His voice caught on the last word.  “And Hannah, I loved your son.  I love him still, but… Regis gave me his goddamn blessing and I’m not about to waste an opportunity we both wanted after that shore leave.”  He didn’t think he still had tears to cry, but more threatened to fall.

“You don’t need my fucking blessing for anything, kid.  Regis… found himself with you.  And I am so grateful that he had you, and I’m sure your parents felt the same way about him.  Do I think this is too soon?  Maybe.  You need time, but time isn’t something any of us have these days.  Just… introduce him to me at some point.  I’d like to know the man that managed to pull both of you in,” she said, crossing her hands on top of each other on the table.  

Kaidan never expected that response out of her.  Likely due to Regis’s influence, his own thoughts on his mother seeping into whatever opinion Kaidan tried to create on his own.  

But there were too many times that made it difficult for Kaidan to paint her in a good light.

“Thank you,” Kaidan said, wiping at his eyes.  “I don’t want you to think that I’m just throwing away what we had.  We were so damn close to tying the knot.”  

“It took Atlas and I years,” she said.  “I understand.  Find your peace.  I wish I could find mine.”

“Vik wanted me to call you because I’ve already brought Zaeed down to meet Mom and Dad,” Kaidan blurted.  

This time, she did react, not hiding her shock.  “Already?  And how did that… no, it’s not any of my business.”  By the way she sounded, she definitely thought it was her business. “A couple of rough spots but… they want me to be happy,” Kaidan said, rubbing the back of his neck. 

“And I want that for you too, truly.  So, you called me to size up my reaction.  Fair enough.  If he’s okay with that, I want to at least say hello,” she said, quickly recovering.  

Kaidan didn’t have to say anything.  Zaeed got up from the bed, pulled on his tank top, and moved into the frame.

“Wait a second… you’re Hackett’s old–” she cut herself off.  

“He knows,” Zaeed said, moving to put a hand on his shoulder.  “He knows I’m his old friend and old beau.  Nice to meet you, Admiral Shepard.”

“Just call me Shepard, Massani,” she said with a laugh.  “Fucking hell, this galaxy is tiny.  Explains why your name kept gnawing on me, but I couldn’t place it.  Never been good with names…” she trailed off.  “My kid must’ve trusted and loved you a lot to give you his gun.  That’s all the endorsement I need.”

“I carry it with pride,” Zaeed said.  “I know the meaning of what he engraved on it.”

“Good.  Take care of each other.  We’ll talk more later.  You both look tired.”

“Yeah, it’s been a long day,” Kaidan said, stifling a yawn.  

“I bet,” she said, giving them both a small smile.  “Between the bullshit going on with that asari, your impending future, and introducing your partner to the family… get some rest.  Give the Alenkos my love.  I’ll try to make a trip down soon.”

He thought it was funny how she gave meeting the parents the same level of stress as all the other shit going on in his life.

“I will.  They’ll be happy to host you.”

“That I know for a fact.  Take care of each other.  Not just for Regis, but yourselves.  Might need to get some stories out of you.”  Before Kaidan could reply, she closed the link.

Zaeed squeezed his shoulder tighter.

Kaidan felt a little lighter after having that conversation, but now, all he wanted to do was snuggle up with Zaeed for as long as he could. A part of him also wanted to grill her more on the BAaT story he learned from Vik, but this wasn't the time.

And really, there wouldn't be much of a time without Regis there with them.

[rhiannondeclermont]

The Scotland Coven Members

This list will grow as I add more members of the coven to the story. 

                                      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Allegra Fulton - FC Julianne Moore

Allegra was the coven leader of the Scotland Coven and a powerful weaver. She taught Rhiannon how to control her magic. Unbeknownst to Rhiannon until after her marriage to Matthew, Allegra is actually her and Eric’s maternal grandmother. 

Aurelia Dunlop - FC Margo Robbie

Aurelia is the second oldest of the coven - after Allegra and Florence. She and Rhiannon became fast friends after Aurelia told her of how she lost her soulmate, Malachi. 

Florence Reoch - FC Florence Welch

Florence was the first witch that Rhiannon met after Allegra when she arrived in what would become Scotland. 

[procrastinatorimagines]

Siren Song Part 3

Fandom: The Vampire Diaries

Series: Siren Song

Part 1 // Part 2 // Part 3 // Part 4 // Part 5 (Final)

Pairing/s: Damon Salvatore x Reader, Klaus Mikaelson x Reader

Warning/s: none

Word Count: 1689

Request: Can I ask klaus x reader x Damon Salvatore? Where reader belongs from the lineage of different siren's, who were blessed by the gods? But reader doesn't know it yet and also readers parents knew but hid it? So when accidentally reader touches large amount of water she kinda turns into this mermaid thingie? So the mystic fall gang promises to reader's parents to protect reader from the Mikaelsons? So Damon falls hard for reader as ofc reader is a siren, but when klaus sees the reader he is also head over heels for them?

@aura-nightingale

@thefandomplace

@watersquirtpewpewboomm

Damon's warnings had been clear, but your curiosity got the better of you in the end. None of your other supernatural friends knew anything about the kind of siren you were, and even your parents came up short besides the fact that you were blessed by the gods

Apparently, according to your mother, your great-grandmother had burned a lot of the old records about your family when she'd moved to Mystic Falls, and so a lot about your lineage had been lost.

Even Alaric hadn't been able to dig anything concrete up.

So, Klaus it was.

It wasn't the best idea, you knew that, but there was something about the way he'd spoke to you... you believed he'd been genuine about not wanting to hurt you. He seemed just as eager to find out what you were, as, well, you were.

Klaus was leaning against an old sturdy tree as you walked home down your usual woodland path, ready for him this time.

He grinned at you, sensing that this time you were not afraid, and pushed himself off, meeting you in the middle as you approached.

"Hello Y/N," he greeted, that smile still on his lips.

"Klaus," you tensed, straightening your back and shoulders to show you wouldn't run this time.

"Fancy meeting you out here, I was just on a lovely little walk," he mused, waving an arm to one side, "quite lovely, the scenery."

His eyes flicked back to you at the last comment and you shifted on your feet. "You mentioned stories," you prompted, trying not to engage in small talk. You were here for information, you reminded yourself, nothing more.

"I did," Klaus nodded, seeming amused at your unusual brashness, "do you want to hear one?"

"i want to know what I am, really," you appreciated what the others were doing in protecting you, especially Damon, but you felt coddled.

When Caroline had turned, Stefan had taught her to control her new urges, understand her power, all Damon seemed to be doing was wrapping you in bubble wrap.

For all of Klaus'... questionable qualities, he was the only one willing to truly level with you.

Klaus had you right where he wanted you and you both knew it. He could weave whatever web of stories he wanted, but you had a feeling he would be honest with you, though you couldn't put your finger on why he was bothering.

"Very well," he gestured to a nearby fallen tree that you could sit on. Following him over you sat as far from him as you could, trying not to let your guard down.

"From what I know, long ago there lived a siren called Aurelia," he began with a dramatic breath, and you knew you were in for an embellished tale, but still, you couldn't help but feel yourself drawing nearer as he unspooled the story at your feet.

To Klaus' credit, he admitted when he didn't have all the answers, or when he believed part of the story was more myth than fact, but from what he'd put together: "Aurelia had been the daughter of a powerful merchant and a siren that had taken a liking to him when she'd ventured into his growing village some 8 centuries ago.

The merchant had not known his new bride's powers, or how she'd put a spell on him, and soon he was providing her all the luxuries she asked. She lavished in the life, weaving her song so that all men around would bend to her will.

When her daughter was born, Aurelia was different, and her mother believed she had no song. Disappointed and disgraced, Aurelia's mother turned away from her apparently mortal daughter, and bore more that carried her gift.

Aurelia, soon forgotten and alone, was left to her own devices. When she turned 12 she was wandering through the woods near the lake to collect firewood, and it was there she saw a man in the water. Abandoning her task, she dove in the deep, cold lake and swam to his aid.

She had never been a swimmer, her mother had never bothered to teach her. Why would a siren with no song need to swim? She wouldn't be luring men in to any depths. But Aurelia was determined, and eventually she pulled the man ashore.

The man before her was beautiful, in a way that could only be described as otherworldly. He was also not breathing, so Aurelia gave him her own breath and brought him around.

The man had been greatful, very grateful, and although I'm not sure exactly what transpired next, I know some believe he was a god, or demigod.

This figure was soon on his way, but not before promising Aurelia that he would one day return the favour.

She never told a soul of what had happen that day, it was her secret.

Years later, when she was around 16, her father took her with him across the lake to the next town where he often traded. Aurelia had been thrilled, her father rarely paid her attention of any kind at her mother's behest, so she readily agreed.

However, it was soon too good to be true. It turned out Aurelia's mother had grown tired of her constant existence, and had decided there was only one course of action left, to get rid of her all together.

Out in the middle of the lake, her father toss her overboard and into the watery depth below before sailing away. An accident, they would say, you know she'd never been a strong swimmer.

In those moments as Aurelia tried to claw her way to the surface, her dress weighing her down as her legs became entangled in the growth below, the light fading before her eyes, she made one last desperate scream, and began to sing.

The noise had shocked Aurelia, but more so had the tail that had formed where her legs had been, giving her everything she needed to swim to the surface.

As she broke out into the air, she heard a voice in her head, the voice of man she had saved all those years ago, telling her the debt had been repaid.

Aurelia had what she had always wanted and then more, she was like no siren before her, not even her mother."

You were captivated by Klaus' every word, so lost in the story you hadn't noticed the sun begin to set through the trees behind you, the light breeze sending a shiver up your spine as Klaus paused his tale.

"What did she do next?" You whispered, encouraging him to continue. His lip twitched upwards, enjoying having you in his thrall.

"All I know for certain is that her father completed his trade with the neighbouring village, but never made it back across the lake," Klaus continued, and now your shivers had nothing to do with the breeze, "as for her village, soon Aurelia returned, a changed woman, and got her revenge. The townsmen no longer looked to her mother, but to her, and soon they were all on a pyre. Shortly after, it seems all the men in the village found themselves drawn to the lake, throwing themselves in after the mesmerising song they heard from below. The village was lost, and Aurelia disappeared."

"She must have gone somewhere," you pondered, absentmindedly touching the pendant of vervain around your neck.

"Oh I'm sure, otherwise you wouldn't be here," Klaus told you.

"So you don't know what happened to her next?" You asked, not wanting the story to end.

"Her? No," Klaus saw the disappointment ripple across your face and added, "but stories of her descendants pop up every now and again, women luring sea weary travellers to their deaths, taking them for their own devices... but I've never met one in person, not until you."

"So, then how did you hear about Aurelia to begin with?" You asked, realising he'd given you quite a bit of detail for that original story.

"My brother, Kol, was always particularly fond of witches," Klaus began to explain, "he travelled a lot, learning about magic and the sorts, and one woman he met had been from that village, a witch, a serving girl, that Aurelia had spared. The girls in the village, the souls like her, she allowed to walk away."

Poetic justice, you thought with a shudder, not knowing how you felt about the whole situation.

"So this whole blessed by the gods thing, does this make us-" you began to ask, but Klaus already knew where you were going with that.

"Immortal? No, not the descendants anyway." He told you, letting you catch on to his meaning.

"But Aurelia might be," you deducted.

"As some myths go, yes," he answered.

The sun had fully set by now, and although you weren't yet ready to leave, the buzz of your phone in your pocket snapped you out of your trance.

"I- I should be going," you stuttered, jumping up from your seat. Klaus stood, moving as gracefully as water.

"I'll walk you," he offered with a smile.

"I think if anyone sees us together it'll cause trouble," you told him.

"I can handle Damon," Klaus chuckled.

"I was talking about my mother, but him too," you laughed too, feeling oddly comfortably with the Original now. You weren't sure what to make of that.

So Klaus walked you to the edge of the tree line as a compromise, and when you could see the lights of your house he paused to take his leave.

"Thank you, for telling me the truth," you told him honestly. While you weren't sure what to make of that truth, a least not yet, you knew you were better off knowing.

"Anytime love," Klaus said sincerely, "I'll be seeing you very soon."

He disappeared before you could process what he meant by that. Turning on your heels to head back to your house you collided with a solid object.

With a start you jumped back, blinking at the figure before you.

"So, what was all that about?" Damon Salvatore asked.

[chrysalispen]

iii. vanished, and left but memories,

AO3 Link HERE

Chapter below cut.

============================

Papalymo Totolymo considered himself reasonably worldly for a man of Sharlayan. As the favored protege of the late Louisoix Leveilleur, many of the star’s most tumultuous events in the last twenty summers had taken place beneath his watch: from the mass colonial exodus to the motherland, to those final dark days before the Seventh Umbral Calamity. He still remembered offering prayers at one of the great standing-stones as the Empire unleashed Bahamut - that ancient and terrible primal bound by Allagan contrivance - upon the fields of Carteneau.

So too did he recall his master’s sacrifice. Papalymo was not what one would call particularly devout, nor had he placed as much stock in such things as coincidence or fate. But the events he had witnessed had gradually softened his harder stances, and the more he saw of the world, the more he thought he understood what Louisoix had meant.

Faith had, after all, saved Eorzea in the end.

He watched that slim, straight back as its owner sidled into shadow and disappeared from sight. At first glance, the woman hadn’t seemed any different from any other conjurer they had met in the past handful of years. But this time he thought there was something about her that was... different. The aetherovisor had-

“Papalymo? Are you listening?”

“...Hm? Yes,” he said with an absentminded nod. His hazel eyes lay fixed upon the emptied cavern entrance. “Well. That was… most edifying.”

“Edifying?”

“Educational.”

“What was educational about it? The sword? The Ixal?” Yda tilted her head in obvious confusion. It was quite clear that the two of them had taken something entirely different away from that encounter. “I thought you knew about those already. Or did you mean that conjurer?”

Preoccupied with checking and comparing indicator readings, Papalymo barely even acknowledged her. “Yes.”

“You didn’t answer my question.”

“Yes, I did.”

Yda’s chin tilted in the same birdlike fashion Aurelia had noted upon their meeting, and her lips pursed briefly as she tapped her index finger against her cheek. “Actually, now that you mention it… I just thought of something.”

“Hm.”

"Is it just me, or did it seem like that woman was able to see Kuplo Kopp?”

“....And this occurs to you now? Honestly, of all the questions to ask!” "What- well, you did ask me, Papalymo."

She pointed this fact out with the cheerful self-possession that rarely failed to annoy him, specifically when she employed it against him. Yda knew he hated it, so of course she did it at every opportunity.

Silver-threaded blond curls drifted across the edges of the aetherovisor with the movement of his head from side to side, as the Archon cut off his lecture before he could properly begin. From his long years of experience with her, he knew there was a greater than zero chance it would all fall upon deaf ears anyway.  “...all right, yes, that did appear to be the case- and don't you give me that look."

"What look?"

"That smug one you always get when you-"

"When I'm right? Hmm?"

"Oh, for the love of everything, Yda!"

"Go on. 'You're right, Yda.' Say it."

"Yda-"

"Saaaay it," she repeated, in a teasing little singsong. Papalymo scowled at his young partner before he realized she couldn't see his expression beneath the unwieldy visor, only the petulant purse of his lips. Pointless to fight the tide, he thought with a sort of exasperated fondness.

...He supposed he could allow her one small concession.

"Yes, yes, all right. Fine. You were right," he said testily, ignoring her tiny cheer and accompanying fist pump. "But don't get ahead of yourself. As to what significance that might bear, provided there is any, only time will tell.”

“Will it? I certainly hope so,” she retorted, bracing her hands on her hips. “It’s not as though you ever tell me anything.”

“What? What’s that supposed to mean?”

“What do you mean, what do I mean? I just said it! You never tell me what’s going on!” Yda’s pout lifted into a sly smile. “...Unless you don’t know either?”

“Of course I do! Don’t be ridiculous-”

“Ha! I knew it.”

“-and even if I didn’t,”  he huffed, “I certainly wouldn’t admit it to an insolent child!”

Yda did not take offense. Her laugh, tinkling like wind chimes, followed the pair out of the clearing.

~*~

After bearing the blade and news of a corpse to a surprised but very grateful Galfrid Mossback and his fellows, Aurelia entered the Fane to see E-Sumi-Yan conversing with one Kuplo Kopp. The moogle lifted a paw as she strode towards them.

“Ah! Aurelia," the guildmaster said. "Welcome back. I trust your return was without incident.”

“Yes, it was fine. The walk was most refreshing.” She hesitated; her gaze flickered from E-Sumi-Yan to his current conversation partner, hovering midair with open curiosity stamped all over his tiny face. “Although… I have something to ask, if I might?”

“Of course. Thank you for your assistance, Kuplo Kopp. Pray give my regards to the others.”

“I will, kupo! Wonderful to meet you at last, Aurelia!” he piped, adding a chipper backflip for good measure. “Don’t worry, I’ll say hello to Kupto Kapp and Kapna Kugi for you!”

The little creature had taken wing into the trees before she could respond, although E-Sumi-Yan’s expression was one of mild-mannered curiosity as they watched Kuplo Kopp disappear into the tree line.

“You had not told me you were acquainted with the moogles.”

“A bit of an exaggeration,” Aurelia hedged. “I met a couple of them by chance when I first came to the wood. They were quite helpful, as I recall.”

He squinted at her. Opened his mouth- then shut it, as if he had been about to say something and thought better of it, and cleared his throat.

“We have a good rapport with the moogles,” was all he said. “What was it you wished to ask?”

“When I was in the glade earlier, there were two others who arrived shortly thereafter. A Hyur woman - a pugilist - and a Lalafell gentleman. I asked after their business in the Shroud, but they were quite evasive.” Thoughtfully she tapped her temple. “They each sported some peculiar contraption. I thought at first perhaps they were customized sets of spectacles. Mayhap a magitek visor of some sort, but if so it was surely not of imperial make.”

E-Sumi-Yan was smiling.

“Ah,” he said. “You’ve met Yda and Papalymo.”

“Adventurers?”

“Scholars. Aetherologists from Sharlayan, if memory serves. But you may safely lay any suspicions you have to rest - they are friends. Their assistance over the last few years, particularly with regards to the Garlean Empire, has proven invaluable.”

Aurelia only nodded. The pair had been strange, and their exchanges clearly born of long years of personal intimacy, but neither had come across as threatening.

“Now- as to the matter we discussed before you took your leave…” He muttered something under his breath too softly for her to catch and began to pat down his robes. “Ah! Here we are.”

The neatly folded and wax-sealed parchment in his hand bore the mark of the Conjurers’ Guild and, she could see, the Padjal’s own painstakingly neat script. E-Sumi-Yan glanced at it for only the briefest of moments before he held it out for her to take.

“I took the liberty of discussing the matter with Miounne while you were running that errand for me. She has already agreed to send word ahead to the Adventurers’ Guild in Ul’dah, I expect.” A stray breeze ruffled his sandy hair as he inclined his chin, smile unwavering. “She should have another letter of her own ready for you when you return to the inn.”

“I- oh,” for a second time in the space of a day Aurelia found herself taken aback. “This… goodness, you work very quickly.”

“Oh?”

“I confess I had thought a letter of introduction might take some days to draft, not bells.”

“Not at all! I had the time to spare, and at any rate I have written many such letters in my time. They are quite formulaic.”

“I appreciate the trouble you’ve taken-”

“Lest you misunderstand, Aurelia, this is no more than I might otherwise have done for any of my novices,” there was no visible change to his expression but his tone was so firm it might almost have been a reprimand. “This letter does not guarantee your enrollment into the Phrontistery. ‘Tis but a window of opportunity, and little else.”

In other words, he could get her into Ul’dah and secure her lodging. Anything beyond that would have to be accomplished by her hand and hers alone - she was not surprised; she had a rough idea of Uldah’s love of self-made success stories.

But Aurelia was not unaccustomed to such uphill battles; if she could make her own way in Gridania despite her ignorance of its customs when she had first arrived in the Shroud, she was quite sure she could manage matters in Ul’dah. A chance was all she required, and here it lay, in her hand.

“Well enough to my thinking that you have provided it,” she said. “You have my thanks.”

His serene smile turned somewhat doleful. “I would be remiss not to admit that your absence will be felt. But I will not be one to clip your wings, either. Now go. Give Mother Miounne my regards.”

“I will.”

Perhaps you will return to the wood as a guardian once more, E-Sumi-Yan mused as she passed from the boughs of the Fane. Most heed its call, in the end. But I will only accept it from you if that is what is meant to be.

Even for foolish notions of sentimentality, he knew it was not his place to tangle the Spinner’s weave.

~*~

“I am beginning to wonder,” Alisaie Leveilleur declared to no one in particular, “if there are any other cycles of weather in this place beyond ‘rain’ and ‘purple.’ “

No one answered. Not that she had expected otherwise.

The young elezen spared a sullen glance at the dodo tenderloin on her plate - rubbery with gristle, lukewarm, and unappetizing - before resuming her people-watching out the nearby window, or what there was of it. Only one of the panes had tempered glass in; the other three were covered with some sort of oilcloth, no doubt to proof the opening against the region’s frequent afternoon showers.

There wasn’t much to see, truth be told. Revenant’s Toll had been washed away in the floods following the Carteneau disaster five years past. Although the adventurers who ran the town were rebuilding, the new town - if one could properly call it that - was essentially a glorified leve outpost. Albeit, she allowed, it was a leve outpost with a bar, a boarding house, and some tents attached, but at this moment in time still little more than a burgeoning bump in the road. The camp's new location sat well up the ascent onto the escarpment this time, some five malms north of the old camp.

Alphinaud had observed that the new location was far more strategically advantageous, and had been more than happy to explain his theory at length without any prompting. Alisaie had scant interest in such matters, and had tuned her brother’s lecture out in favor of exploration after only a few scant minutes.

Mor Dhona had been a very pretty place once, so they had been told, lush and green. But most of the old rainforests had been destroyed, first by the great battle between the Garlean Empire and the Dravanian horde, then by Dalamud’s descent. She was grateful that for a small blessing, the window seat she had chosen did not afford her an unhampered view of the Carteneau Flats. At its epicenter grew the massive crystalline half-sphere that had settled into the face of the land like a pockmark with its shattered Allagan structures poking haphazardly out from unstable, poisonous facets. That was where Grandfather had-- where he had--

Her gaze returned to her emptied teacup.

“Are you not hungry?”

Alphinaud stood at the edge of the table with a refilled trencher and a fresh pot. She shook her head.

“Just the tea, thank you.” Alisaie all but snatched the pot away before he had even finished setting it down, grateful for the momentary distraction. “I’ll pour it myself.”

“You really can see the Keeper from here.”

“What?”

“The Keeper of the Lake. So-called.” Her brother peered out the window as he seated himself at a positively glacial pace, deep blue eyes scanning their surrounds. "See? Over there, wrapped around the HRS Agrius. ...what’s left of it, at any rate.”

Following his gaze as she poured her tea, Alisaie could just see the outline of the gruesome landmark that sat in the center of Silvertear Lake. The protruding wreckage of the doomed imperial dreadnought shimmered dully in shades of black steel and flaking vermilion paint, only barely visible in the gloaming. Without the imposing structure, the decomposing remains of the great wyrm Midgardsormr wound tightly about its sheared and exposed hull: the final embrace of a murderous lover. Over it all loomed the blue-white silhouette of a very tall crystal spire, glowing with a strange ambient light. It put her in mind of a lighthouse watchtower in a fog bank.

“So,” Alphinaud had turned back to his trencher, “have you made ready, sister? We depart on the morrow.”

“Not yet." As ever, the long and careful sip she took from the cup helped her to gather her thoughts. She set it down with a quiet porcelain rattle before she continued: "I want to go down to the Flats once more before we leave."

“Why?"

“To see if anything was left behind.”

"No." His refusal was adamant. "We’re pressed for time as it is. Even if we weren't, anything of value will have been removed years ago.”

Nerves frayed by fatigue and frustration, catching the annoyed lilt in his voice, she felt herself bristling.

“Have you even tried to look?”

“Alisaie-”

“All I ask is another day to make inquiries. One day.”

“And I am telling you we don’t have one day. The itinerary-”

“Oh, sod the bleeding itinerary!” she burst out. “If I didn’t know better, I’d think you simply didn’t care to assist me at all!”

Alphinaud’s fist, still holding his fork, slammed against the table with enough emphasis to rattle her teacup saucer and splash a few droplets of its contents onto the table. She expected some sort of surprised rejoinder, or - far more likely - yet another calm (and rather condescending) explanation as to why it would be impossible to continue her search without more resources. Implying yet again, as tended to be his wont, that her requests to seek more information as to their grandfather’s whereabouts were merely part and parcel of a childish whim.

Instead, the flash of light in his eyes was that of wounded anger: one of Alphinaud’s rare displays of ill temper- or, perhaps, the grief he so rarely allowed himself to display in public. His lips were drawn into a thin, taut line and his eyes, the same deep blue as her own, appeared for a moment to be suspiciously bright. “That was unkind of you,” he accused. “You are not the only one of us who misses Grandfather, you know. Nor wishes for his safe return, if there is a return to be had." "I'm aware."

"And you know he would not have wanted us to neglect tasks of monumental importance solely for his sake. That was never his way.”

"I just… Alphinaud, we promised each other," the strident pitch of it was close enough to a plea to make her cringe, but there was little help for it, "If there’s even the slightest chance he might still be alive-”

“The chance is slim to none. You know that.” He would not meet her gaze. “And even so, we cannot linger. Grandfather’s successor will be awaiting our arrival and she is certain to have more accurate information on his whereabouts than nearly anyone you would meet here.”

“But... oh, all right. I suppose you make a valid point,” she said. You’re right, as per bloody usual. One hand curled into a fist atop the roughened wooden surface; the admission stuck squarely in her craw, but Alisaie knew full well there would be no peace between them did she allow the rule of her pride to stay her tongue. “...And that was unkind. Forgive me.”

Alphinaud said nothing for a long moment. Worry had just started to nag at the corners of her conscience when his slim, unblemished fingers reached for her hand. She relaxed her fist and allowed him to lace his fingers with hers, then in her turn covered her brother’s hand with her other palm. It was a gesture meant to placate as much as to comfort, but she supposed that particular river flowed both ways.

“We’ll come back,” Alphinaud said at length. His sigh, a long-suffering thing, seemed to close the space between them. “All right? We’ll come back. I just think we should see to his outstanding obligations first and foremost. Once that's done, you can take as much time to investigate as you like.”

Somewhat suspicious of the gesture, she peered at him from beneath her snowy veil of fringe. “Do you mean it?”

“At the first opportunity," he added. "I swear it.”

Alisaie squinted at him for a careful moment before she withdrew her hand. She drummed her fingertips upon the table for a moment, then picked up the fork that lay alongside her long-abandoned trencher. He blinked when she jabbed its business end in his direction, a movement that might have been amusing were it not also vaguely threatening.

“...I’m going to hold you to that."

“Of course you will," he groused. "You always do.”

His surly retort prompted Alisaie to finally flash a strained grin. It was the first smile she had spared for him since the pair had stood together on the deck of their ship and watched the city shrink to a bare glimmer on the horizon, swallowed by the endless dark of the open sea. Then, their purpose had been united. The weeks spent at sea and on land had eroded it, but Alisaie at least had not lost sight of her purpose.

And I will hold you to your word this time as well, little brother.

She lifted her teacup in a mock toast and watched as he followed suit.

“Well. To the road on the morrow, then,” she said. “And Gridania.”

“And Gridania.”

The meeting of the twins' cups chimed with their sealed bargain. Without the town of Revenant's Toll, the pall of dusk continued its descent.

[jgthirlwell]

2020 Year In Review

This year once again I invited some friends and colleagues to reflect on 2020

JG Thirlwell

Composer

Foetus Xordox Manorexia Steroid Maximus Venture Bros Archer

www.foetus.org

2020 was a troubling and disturbing year. I created a lot of music and experienced a lot of nights waking at 5am in a panic. I deeply missed the sacred experience of being able to see live music. In its absence of that I listened to a lot of music. It was difficult to whittle down this list but here are a lot of albums I enjoyed in 2020, in no particular order.

Le Grand Sbam Furvent (Dur Et Doux) John Elmquist’s HardArt Group I Own an Ion (900 Nurses) Roly Porter Kistvaen (Subtext) Liturgy Origin Of The Alimonies (YLYLCYN) Clark Kiri Variations (Throttle) Dai Kaht Dai Kaht I & II (Soleil Zeuhl) Chromb Le livre des merveilles (Dur Et Doux) Horse Lords The Common Task (Northern Spy) Ecker & Meultzer Carbon (Subtext) Insane Warrior Tendrils (RJ’s Electrical Connections) Jeff Parker Suite For Max Brown (International Anthem) Jacob Kirkegaard Opus Mors (Topos) Tristan Perich Drift Multiply (Nonesuch) Bec Plexus Sticklip (New Amsterdam) Vak Budo (Soleil Zeuhl) Merlin Nova BOO! (Bandcamp) The The Muscle OST (Cineola) Zombi 2020 (Relapse) Regis Hidden In This Is The Light That You Miss (Downwards) Rival Consoles Articulation (Erased Tapes) Sarah Davachi Cantus, Descant (L.A.T.E.) Sufjan Stevens The Ascension (Asthmatic Kitty) Idles Ultra Mono (Partisan) Daedelus The Bittereindeers (Brainfeeder) Boris No (Bandcamp) Aksak Maboul Figures / Un peu de l’ame des bandits / Onze Danses Pour Cobattre La Migraine (Crammed) Noveller Arrow (Ba Da Bing) Felicia Atkinson Everything Evaporate (Shelter Press) Ital Tek Dream Boundary (Planet Mu) Author and Punisher Beastland (Relapse) Sparks A Steady Drip Drip Drip (BMG) Corima Amatarasu (Soleil Zeuhl) Code Orange Underneath (Roadrunner) Deerhoof Future Teenage Cave Artists /Silly Symphonies / To Be Surrounded../ Love Lore(Joyful Noise) Sote Moscels (Opal Tapes) Run The Jewels RTJ4 (Jewel Runners) Oranssi Pazuzu Mestarin Kynsi (Nuclear Blast) Master Boot Record Floppy Disk Overdrive (Metal Blade) Kaitlyn Aurelia Smith The Mosaic Of Transformation (Ghostly International) / Ears (Western Vinyl) Michael Gordon Acquanetta (Cantelope) Neom Arkana Temporis (Soleil Zeuhl) Rian Treanor Ataxia / File Under UK Metaplasm (Planet Mu) Helm Saturnalia (Alter) Ivvvo doG (Halcyon Veil) Robert Normandeau Figures (Empreintes Digitales) Ben Vida Reducing The Tempo To Zero (Shelter Press) Beatrice Dillon Workaround (Pan) Dan Deacon Mystic Familiar (Domino) Sea Oleena Weaving A Basket (Higher Plain Music) Elysian Fields Transience Of Life (Ojet) Rhapsody Symphony Of Enchanted Lands II - The Dark Secret (Magic Circle) Duma Duma (Nyege Nyege) Ulla Strauss Tumbling Towards a Wall / Seed (Bandcamp)

Honorable mentions Carl Stone Stolen Car (Unseen Worlds)  Nazar Guerilla (Hyperdub) Iwo Zaluski with the Children of Park Lane Primary School, Wembley The Remarkable Earth Making Machine (Trunk) Nahash Flowers Of The Revolution (SVBKVLT) Cindy Lee Whats Tonight To Eternity (Bandcamp) Insect Ark The Vanishing (Profound Lore) 33EMYBW Arthropods (SVBKVLT) Declan McKenna Zeroes (Tomplicated) Layma Azur Zeii (Bandcamp)

FILM TV Succession ZeroZeroZero Escape at Dannemora 1917 Small Axe : Five films by Steve McQueen Pirhanas Monos The Hater Better Call Saul

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Drew Daniel

Matmos, The Soft Pink Truth

an alphabet of 2020 recordings

Arca “KiCk i” BFTT “Intrusive / Obtrusive” clipping. “Visions of Bodies Being Burned” Duma “Duma” Eilbacher, Max “Metabolist Meter (Foster, Cottin, Caetani and a Fly)” Forbidden Colors “La Yeguada” GILA “Energy Demonstration” HiedraH Club de Baile “Bichote-K Bailable Vol. 2” Ian Power “Maintenance Hums” Jeff Carey “Index[off]” Kassel Jaeger “Meith” Laurie Anderson “Songs From the Bardo” Mukqs “Water Levels” Negativland “The World Will Decide” O’Rourke, Jim “Shutting Down Here” Perlesvaus “These Things Below with Those Above” Quicksails “Blue Rise” Rian Treanor “File Under UK Metaplasm” Slikback “///” Terminal Nation “Holocene Extinction” Ulcerate “Stare Into Death and Be Still” Various Artists “HAUS of ALTR” William Tyler “New Vanitas” Xyla “Ways” Y A S H A “Summations” :zoviet-france: “Châsse 2ᵉ”

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Sarah Lipstate  (Noveller)

With all live performances canceled, this was truly the year of demo videos and home studio recording for me. These are 10 pieces of gear that came out in 2020 that helped keep me feeling creative and inspired during lockdown. In no particular order:

EHX Oceans 12 Dual Stereo Reverb - The Oceans 12 ticks all the boxes for what I’m looking for in a great soundscaping reverb. I used the Shimmer and Reverse algorithms in conjunction a lot when I was composing music for a film score.

Chase Bliss Audio Blooper - While I don’t actually own a Blooper, I had the pleasure of borrowing one from Mike of Baranik Guitars after NAMM this year. He made an incredible Blooper-inspired guitar and I was completely charmed by them both. Chase Bliss always delivers pedals that push me creatively and the Blooper truly hits the mark.

Cooper FX Arcades - I love everything Cooper FX has released to-date so the opportunity to access those sounds in one pedal via plug-in cartridges is just awesome.

SolidGoldFX NU-33 - I was asked to do a demo of this pedal for its release and ended up being really charmed by this box’s approach to lo-fi nostalgia. I’ve used it a lot for film scoring and highly recommend adding it to your collection.

Demedash Effects T-120 DLX V2 - I LOVE a good tape echo and the T-120 Deluxe V2 ranks up there with the best I’ve tried. This pedal made its way to me this Christmas and I look forward to making some beautiful sounds with it in the new year.

Hologram Electronics Microcosm - The Microcosm is one of those pedals where you should fully read the manual before diving in but once you put in that initial effort you’ve got a massively powerful tool on your hands. It does glitch like no other. Definitely worth the homework

Azzam Bells MP019 - I discovered this unique instrument through a post on Reverb’s IG page and immediately looked it up and ordered one. These experimental percussion instruments are hand-made in Italy and they’re as beautiful visually as they are sonically. I used it for bowed cymbal and daxophone sounds on a film score and it was absolutely haunting.

Echopark Dual Harmonic Boost 2 - I love the control you have over dialing in the perfect amount of grit with these dual boost circuits. I use it a lot as a textural tool when I’m laying down drones or bringing in big distorted swells. It’s one of the most versatile overdrives in my collection and I love that.

Fender Parallel Universe Series Volume II Maverick Dorado - I was smitten with the Maverick Dorado when I first saw it at NAMM. It has a lot of the specs that I look for in a guitar and the body shape with the Mystic Pine finish just blew me away. I hope that I get to use it live soon.

Polyeffects Beebo - The Beebo is one of those pedals that I genuinely feel is smarter than I am. It’s like an entire computer in one small touchscreen box. I can’t claim to have mastered using it yet but the sounds that I have managed to get out of it so far have been brilliant. I’m looking forward to spending more time with this box in 2021

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HELM 2020 REVIEW

Let's get the bad stuff out the way first, 2020 was undoubtedly an awful year. I'm still not sure how to really respond to seeing a global pandemic bring the capital to its knees and everything I love and hold dear to a grinding halt. Our government fucked it's response, putting profit before people and killing tens of thousands. The Labour Party descended into farce with the newly elected leader Sir Keith revealing himself as a bland centrist with no opposition or ideas. On a personal level it sucked not being able to travel or see my friends in different parts of the world - or even the same country - who I am starting to miss a lot. However, I was fortunate enough to get through the year with my sanity intact. Music, art and culture once again being my main positive. I think I listened to more music than I have in any year ever. I read more books than I have done since I was a teenager probably. I also re-discovered the joys of walking long distances and am extremely thankful for living near a lot of incredible green spaces: Epping Forest, Walthamstow Wetlands, Walthamstow Marshes, Wanstead Park, Wanstead Flats...

Music. My favourite albums of the year.

Oranssi Pazuzu - Mestarin kynsi Wetware - Flail Raspberry Bulbs - Before The Age Of Mirrors Necrot - Mortal Rope Sect - The Great Flood Private World - Aleph Oneohtrix Point Never - Magic Oneohtrix Point Never Pyrrhon - Abcess Time CS+Kreme - Snoopy Speaker Music - Black Nationalist Sonic Weaponry Drew McDowall - Agalma Regis - Hidden In This Is The Light That You Miss Nazar - Guerilla Zoviet France - Russian Heterodoxical Songs (and all the ZF reissues!!) Triple Negative - God Bless the Death Drive Permission - Organised People Suffer Actress - Karma & Desire Acolytes - Stress II The Gerogerigegege - >(decrescendo) Chubby & The Gang - Speed Kills Flora Yin-Wong - Holy Palm Eiko Ishibashi - Hyakki Yagyo The The - See Without Being Seen Prurient - Casablanca Flamethrower Henning Christiansen - L’essere Umano Errabando La Voce Errabando Subdued - Over The Hills And Far Away Rian Treanor - File Under UK Metaplasm Komare - The Sense Of Hearing Shredded Nerve - Acts Of Betrayal Jesu - Terminus Autechre - SIGN Hey Colossus - Dances / Curses Sparkle Division - To Feel Embraced Mark Harwood - A Perfect Punctual Paradise Under My Own Name Still House Plants - Fast Edit The Bug & Dis Fig - In Blue Kommand - Terrorscape Haus Arafna - Asche Khthoniik Cerviiks - Æequiizoiikum Worm - Gloomlord Kraus - A Golden Brain Faceless Burial - Speciation

A shout-out to Jon Abby's AMPLIFY series on Bandcamp / Facebook, which I contributed a new piece of music to.

A shout out to the labels where most of the music I listened to seemed to come from:

The Trilogy Tapes Iron Bonehead Penultimate Press Dais La Vida Es Un Mus

Gigs. Despite live music being destroyed in 2020 I still saw a few unforgettable performances at the beginning of the year.

Graham Lambkin @ The ICA, London Puce Mary / JFK @ The Glove That Fits, London Demilich @ Finnfest, The Garage, London Container / PC World / National Unrest @ Venue MOT, London S.H.I.T / Asid / Chubby & The Gang @ Static Shock Festival, ExFed, London

Books I enjoyed. Most not published this year, but all read in 2020.

Joe Kennedy - Authentocrats David Balzer - Curationism Tom Mills - BBC: The Myth Of A Public Service Simon Morris - Consumer Guide: Special Edition Luke Turner - Out Of The Woods Various - Bad News For Labour Mike Wendling - Alt-Right Baited Area issues 1 & 2.

Film. Three good films I saw this year which I hadn't before.

Suspiria (Remake) Midsommar Cannibal Holocaust

Podcasts. I listened to a lot of these whilst walking.

We Don't Talk About The Weather Novara Media Tysky Sour & Novara FM Grounded with Louis Theroux System of Systems Red Scare loveline episodes Suite 212 NOISEXTRA Social Discipline CONTAIN

TV.

Didn't watch a huge amount and what I did was mostly trash. For some reason I rewatched both series' of This Life, a British drama from the late 90's about a group of young professionals house sharing and navigating their careers. Very cringey and has aged terribly, but it was perversely fascinating to revisit something from that time in the age of the pandemic. Following on from this I binge watched the entire series of Industry which was entertaining enough. A programme about a bunch of horny bankers with what felt like a confused ideology behind it. It seemed stuck between trying to criticise and glorify the culture around the industry, but also protect the industry itself from outside criticism by portraying anyone who may oppose as an insufferable wanker. Currently halfway through Succession which is OK. The Murdoch documentaries on the BBC were excellent and a rare respite from their descent into client journalism.

Thanks to anyone who listened to my music this year also. Best wishes to you all for 2021.

Luke Younger

http://hhelmm.com | http://alter.bandcamp.com

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Elliott Sharp

composer

1. My Nr. 1 lesson: patience. Whether it's bouncing through 30 seconds of severe turbulence at 39000 feet or slogging through 30 minutes of a interminable piece of concert music, one attribute I've tried to develop is the ability to see past the discrete and awaited ending, the exact framing of the immediate process, but put it into the context of a larger time frame. I've found that this year more than all others has demanded it. Breathing helps...

2. Books: revisiting old favorites from the realm of Thomas Pynchon and Philip K. Dick (both especially relevant), digging into John Lomax's portrait of Jelly Roll Morton, the works of Colson Whitehead, random things off of the shelf…

3. Composing: with touring off the table, I focused on that which needed to be written, some requested and commissioned, some spontaneously springing forth. Composing requires that one open the windows wide to the world, which at this moment brought in grief, terror, uncertainty, anxiety, visions of plague and pestilence and incipient fascism. Okay, now shut the window and get to work! How to process, translate, transform? The work can be a comfortable and obsessive cocoon once one learns to handle the radioactive materials and put them into the creativity reactor.

4. Beans! We have long been a fan in our house of the wide world of legumes but this year brought two stars to the front: the black bean and the red lentil. The black bean commands the lofty peaks but the seemingly infinite variations of dal surround it. Ginger, garlic, turmeric, smoked paprika, cayenne, onions, and olive oil form the basis then imagination builds.

5. Online teaching substituted for my canceled conduction of workshops in the Pyrenees Mountains of France. Between the participants and myself, we built a temporary but very congenial space online to share concepts and music. In addition, private lessons brought conversation and music with new friends in Germany, Italy, California, Australia, Illinois, Denmark, Pennsylvania, Spain, Florida, Brazil.

6. What started out as "stress baking" (before I even had heard of the term) soon became a frequent practice that yielded very edible results. The twins preferred the sweeter forays into banana bread and chocolate cake. I tried to find a balance between tried-and-true techniques and experiments in texture and taste with yeasted pumpernickels, multi-grains, and seed breads.

7. While not the same as performing 'live ', online gigs proved that it was possible to generate a surprising amount of adrenaline even without the pheromonal handshaking of a room filled with receptive ears. As a corollary, online recording collaborations with friends worldwide proved to be inspiring and a suitable substrate for sonic experimentation, exploration of new instruments, tunings, effects programming, structures. In these realms, shout-outs to Helene Breschand, Mike Cooper, Henry Kaiser, Tracie Morris, Mikel Banks, Dougie Bowne, Payton McDonald, Billy Martin, Colin Stetson, Jim O'Rourke, Scott Amendola, Roberto Zorzi, Jason Hoopes, Eric Mingus, Melanie Dyer, Dave Hofstra, Don McKenzie, Sergio Sorrentino, Veniero Rizzardi, Taylor Ho Bynum, Scott Fields, Bachir Attar, Karl Bruckmaier, Robbie Lee, Matthew Evan Taylor, Matteo Liberatore, Al Kaatz, David Barratt, Jessica Hallock, Kolin Zeinikov, Robbie Lee, Jeremy Nesse, James Ilgenfritz, Sergio Armaroli, Steve Piccolo, Sandy Ewen, David Weinstein, Jim Whittemore, Chris Vine, Werner Puntigam, William Schimmel.

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Daniel O’Sullivan

(Grumbling Fur, Guapo, Miasma & the Carousel of Headless Horses, Ulver, Sunn O))), Æthenor, Laniakea, Miracle, Mothlite, and This Is Not This Heat.)

Music Richard Youngs - Ein Klein Nein Alabaster DePlume - Instrumentals Hildegard von Bingen - O Nobilissima Viriditas Francisco de Penalosa - Missa Ave Maria Peregrina Carlo Gesualdo - Responsoria 1611 Dirty Projectors - Five EPs Sonic Boom - All Things Being Equal Brother Peter Broderick - Blackberry Richard Horowitz - Eros Of Arabia Duncan Trussell Family Hour Cocteau Twins in the bath

Books/comics Alexander Tucker - Entity Reunion II Derek Jarman - Chroma Stephen Harrod Buhner - Plant Intelligence and the Imaginal Realm The Penguin Book Of Irish Poetry - edited by Patrick Crotty The Gospel Of Ramakrishna - translated by Swami Nikhilananda Lucretius - De Rerum Natura Plotinus - Enneads Ram Dass - Grist For The Mill Lisa Brown - Phantom Twin

Other Fasting / meditation / macrodosing Walks in freshly coppiced woodland (for the smell mainly). Plants / Foraging / Growing Traditional ferments Douglas Sirk movies Mandolorian Writing songs on the piano Rediscovery of Kenneth Graham via my kids

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Karl O’Connor (Regis)

01.Wolfgang Press - Unremembered, Remembered 02. Klara Lewis - Ingrid Live at Fylkingen 03. Jesu - Terminus 04. Dave Ball - Leeds Poly Demos 1979 05. Edwin Pouncey - Rated Sav X (the Savage Pencil Skratchbook) 06. The Bug - In Blue 07. New Order - Power,Corruption and Lies ( Writing Sessions  ) 08. JG Thirlwell and Simon Steensland - Oscillospira 09. FM Einheit and Andreas Ammer - Hammerschlag 10. Thurston Moore - By The Fire 11. Body Stuff - Body Stuff 3 12. Ann M Hogan - Honeysuckle Burials 13. Rob Halford - Confess (Autobiography)

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Caleb Braaten (Sacred Bones Records)

Shirley Collins Hearts Ease Dehd Flowers Of Devotion Duma Duma Bob Dylan Rough and Rowdy Ways Green-House Six Songs for Invisible Gardens John Jeffery Passage Drew McDowall Agalma Sweeping Promises Hunger For a Way Out Colter Wall Western Swing & Waltzes and Other Punchy Songs Woods Strange to Explain

My Favorite 90’s Nostalgia Movie Rewatches

Colors Ghost Dog Menace II Society The Player Rounders Safe Starship Troopers Trees Lounge Vampires Waiting For Guffman

Most Culturally Bankrupt Year : 1997

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Charlie Looker

(composer, Psalm Zero, Extra Life, Seaven Teares)

Ten Things That Didn’t Happen in 2020

1.  I didn’t write a ton of new music. Don’t get me wrong, I wrote some. I always do. But mostly I focused on my new YouTube channel, essays, and on getting old recordings released. I haven’t even been working a day-job so I thought I was going to write my next Ring Cycle, but I really didn’t find Covid inspiring.

2.  Trump wasn’t re-elected. Cool.

3. I didn’t lose anyone to Covid. I am, of course, profoundly grateful for this. But I feel pretty embarrassed remembering group-texting ten friends in March, “We are all going to see a loved one die. Every single one of us. Don’t kid yourselves”. I can get hysterical, and that was somewhat irresponsible of me.

4.  No revolution happened. I don’t mean to be smug or cynical, or to belittle anyone’s participation in the protests. But, as far as I can tell, nothing happened in 2020 that promises to reduce police brutality or human suffering of any kind. We’ll see. That burning Minneapolis police station was exciting to watch at the time, if only on an aesthetic level.

5.  I have a stack of unread books I bought this year, just staring at me, with nary a crease among them. These include:

Adorno and Horkheimer, The Dialectic of Enlightenment (looks amazing, but I haven’t touched it) Marx, Grundrisse (it’s 1000 pages for fuck’s sake. Amazon also accidentally sent me two copies, and its double presence in the stack is just comical) Reza Negarestani, Intelligence and Spirit (the first 15 pages blew my mind, then my mind blew it off)

6.  I didn’t settle into living in LA. I moved here six months before Covid and I was just starting to cultivate some friendships and play shows. This was quashed and I still feel like I still live in New York. I still barely know the layout of the city here.

7.  No brand-new buzzy musical artists burst onto the scene, that I can recall. No new hyped micro-genre of the moment. There was just no way for there to be a hot new trend. I’d say that was refreshing, but it wasn’t.

8.  Tyson’s return was not awesome. Two minute rounds, ended in a draw. I’ve been getting way into boxing this past year. This fight was a bummer. I’m looking forward to Mayweather vs Logan Paul (LOL) because we know it’s comedy ahead of time.

9.  For three weeks in July, I didn’t do a single thing other than watch street fight compilations on YouTube and Worldstar. That’s just grim.

10.  There were no school shootings in March. Apparently, this was the first March with no school shootings since 2002. Not a single 7th grader got a hand job in March either. I cannot begin to imagine what it’s like to be a kid now.

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Chuck Bettis

https://chuckbettis.com

Other People's Music released this year:

Coil "Musick to Play in the Dark" (Dais)

Duma "s/t" (Nyege Nyege Tapes) Twig Harper "External Boundless Prison/ in 4 parts EP" (self-release) I.P.Y. (Ikue Mori, Phew, YoshimiO) "I.P.Y." (Tzadik) Kill Alters "A2B2 Live Stream 11/13/2020" (self-release) Krallice "Mass Cathexis" (self-release) Lust$ickPuppy "Cosmic Brownie" (self-release) Doug McKechnie "San Francisco Moog: 1968-72" (VG+ Records) Merlin Nova "Boo!" (self-release) Omrb "Milandthriust, The Graths of Mersh" (self-release) Akio Suzuki & Aki Onda "gi n ga" (self-release) Yoth Iria "Under His Sway" (Repulsive Echo) Wetware "Flail" (Dais)

My own music released this year:

collaborations

Chatter Blip "Microcosmopolitan" (Contour Editions) Matmos "The Consuming Flame: Open Exercises in Group Form" (Thrill Jockey) Reverse Bullets  "Dreampop Dsyphoria" (self-release) Snake Union "live at Roulette" (self-release) Snake Union w/ Hisham Bharoocha, Bonnie Jones, Heejin Jang, Matthew Regula "Three Arrows" (Rat Route) Thomas Dimuzio "Balance" (Gench Music) YoshimiO & Chuck Bettis  "Live at the Stone" (Living Myth)

solo Chuck Bettis "Arc of Enlghtenment"  (Living Myth) Chuck Bettis "Motion Parallax"  (Living Myth)

compilation Various Artist "Polished Turds Vol.1" (Granpa)

Music Books read this year

"Intermediary Spaces" by Eliane Radigue/Julia Eckhardt (Umland) "Ennio Morricone In His Own Words" by Ennio Morricone/Alessandro De Rosa (Oxford University Press) "Free Jazz In Japan: A Personal History" by Soejima Teruto (Public Bath Press) "Rumors of Noizu: Hijokaidan and the Road to 2nd Damascus" by Kato David Hopkins (Public Bath Press)

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Maya Hardinge

(musician / artist)

list of things i liked this year

first ever solo road trip through new mexico and Texas right before lockdown experiencing manhattan with no cars on the road . having a car to escape in to nature. (which i craved so much) walks and bike rides with friends… FRIENDS! The web site ‘workaway’ that helped me feel that there were options for escape. playing games weekly on zoom during lock down teaching yoga weekly on zoom. Witnessing and being part of the BLM protests. witnessing and being part of the demise of T sitting on my couch at 6am drinking a cup of tea, appreciating my apt. making time to meditate. halloween without tourists .

some music I’ve bought and/or enjoyed this year Elvis Perkins-Black Coat Daughter Patricia Kokett -Soi soi Henning Christiansen - OP201 Bryce Hackford- Safe Svitlana Nianio and Oleksander - Snayesh yak? rozkazhy Brannten schnure - Sommer im Pfirsichhain Killing Joke - Nighttime David Shea - Tower of mirrors Shakey - Shakey Woodford halse tapes Coil - Musick to play in the dark

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BJ Nilsen

sound artist / composer

Work 2020

Despite Covid 19 lots of things actually did happen.

In Feburary I visited the only active nuclear plant in The Nederlands as part of my "Expanded Field Recording” project together with SML. In March revisited the Acousmonium at the Elevate Festival in Graz with an additional trip deep inside the Schlossberg recording old mining trains. In March and April I did two daily recording projects “Pending and Auditory Scenes” - both of Amsterdam during lockdown. In May did my first Zoom field recording workshop with the CAMP project. In June & July  two research trips in Waldviertel, Austria with Franz Pomassl. In August recorded bells and organs in 10 different churches around Amsterdam for Jacob Lekkerkerker. In September recorded Kali Malone at the Orgelpark in Amsterdam. Performed at Heart of Noise Festival in Innsbruck and A4 in Bratislava. Also went ice-skating for first time in 20? Years. In November and December I travelled to Jeju island to record field recordings for a project by Femke Herregraven for the Gwangju Biennale, commissioned for 2021. Did lots of gardening, released two tapes “Call it Philips, Eindoven” and “Zomer 2020” with Sigtryggur Berg Sigmarsson. NOW! Looking forward to 2021.

http://bjnilsen.info https://soundcloud.com/bjnilsen/sets/auditory-scenes-amsterdam

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Vicki Bennett

(People Like Us)

Negativland - True False https://negativland.com/products/truefalse-cd (this came out last year but is so THIS year) Bob Dylan - Rough and Rowdy Ways https://www.bobdylan.com/albums/rough-and-rowdy-ways/ The Soft Pink Truth - We from Shall We Go On Sinning So That Grace May Increase https://thesoftpinktruth.bandcamp.com/album/shall-we-go-on-sinning-so-that-grace-may-increase Carl Stone - Stolen Car https://unseenworlds.bandcamp.com/album/stolen-car Porest - Sedimental Gurney https://porest.bandcamp.com/album/sedimental-gurney Matmos - The Consuming Flame: Open Exercises in Group Form https://matmos.bandcamp.com/album/the-consuming-flame-open-exercises-in-group-form Domenique Dumont - Miniatures De Auto Rhythm https://antinoterecordings.bandcamp.com/album/atn044-domenique-dumont-miniatures-de-auto-rhythm The The - See Without Being Seen https://www.thethe.com/product/see-without-being-seen-cd/ Ciggy de la Noche - Hold Tight HMRC https://soundcloud.com/ciggydelanoche/hold-tight-hmrc Neil Cicierega - Mouth Dreams http://www.neilcic.com/mouthdreams/

and my details: http://peoplelikeus.org/ https://peoplelikeus-vickibennett.bandcamp.com/ pic: http://peoplelikeus.org/wp-content/uploads/2019/12/Welcome-Abroad-promo3-2-scaled.jpg

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DJ Food

Music - Type 303 - Sticky Disco / Analogue Acidbath 7" (45 Live) The British Space Group - The Ley of the Land CD (Wyrd Britain) Squarepusher - Be Up A Hello LP / Warp 10 NTS mix (Warp) dgoHn - Undesignated Proximate (Modern Love) LF58 - Alterazione LP (Astral Industries) Robert Fripp - Music For Quiet Moments series (DGM) Run The Jewels - RTJ4 (BMG) Simf Onyx - Magenta Skyline / The Unresolved 7" (Delights) Luke Vibert - Modern Rave LP (Hypercolour) JG Thirlwell & Simon Steensland - Oscillospira (Ipecac) Aural Design - Looking & Seeing 7" / DL (Russian Library) Luke Vibert - Rave Hop (Hypercolour) Clipping. with Christopher Fleeger - Double Live (Sub Pop) APAT - Terry Riley's 'In C' performed on Modular Synthesizer (YouTube) Field Lines Cartographer - The Spectral Isle LP (Castles In Space) Jane Weaver - The Revolution of Super Visions single (Fire Records) King Gizzard & The Lizard Wizard - K.G. LP (Flightless) Humanoid - Hed-Set - forthcoming on (De:tuned)

Film / TV - Inside No.9 (BBC) What We Do In The Shadows Season 2 (Netflix) Tales From The Loop (Amazon) Keith Haring - Street Art Boy (BBC) John Was Trying To Contact Aliens (Netflix) The Social Dilemma (Netflix) The Mandalorian (Season 2) (Disney+) Long Hot Summers - The Style Council documentary (Sky Arts) Zappa (Alex Winter)

Books / Comics / Magazines Confessions of a Bookseller - Shaun Bythell (Profile books) The Often Wrong - Farel Dalrymple (Image Comics) Edwin Pouncey - Rated SavX (Strange Attractor Press) Jeffrey Lewis - Fuff (all issues - really late to the party on this one) Rian Hughes - XX - A Novel, Graphic (Picador) Cosey Fanni Tutti - Art, Sex, Music (Faber) Caza - Kris Kool (Passenger Press) Dan Lish - Egostrip Vol.1 Electronic Sound magazine Decorum - Jonathan Hickman & Mike Huddleston (Image) John Higgs - Stranger Than We Can Imagine Simon Halfon - Cover To Cover (Nemperor)

Very few exhibitions or shows this year for obvious reasons

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[ohsotwistedwords]

First Post & "Young Graves"

Greetings!

This is my first time having a tumblr account, and this is my first post. I am going to say here I’ll be running this with a friend, who would like to be called Bonnie. You may call me Snapdragon. With that out of the way, I hope you enjoy the story!

Young Graves

By Snapdragon

The wind is warm. The trees are a vibrant green, the kind of green that could rival an emerald in color. A girl wanders through the woods, her long blonde hair interrupted by a set of antlers. If one were to look closely, her arm’s sport fur with black and white stripes and her eyes are a kaleidoscope of red, black, and white. The bucket held in one of her hands swings with each step as she continues walking. The birds sing regardless.

Weaving around patches of thorn bushes, their branches green and their thorns as large as the nail of a pinky finger, the sound of a river crashing against stone can be heard. After a few more minutes of walking, the stony bank is visible. The water is crystal clear, but white where it crashes against the larger rocks jutting from the surface and oddly smooth where some large stones rest just below the surface.

On the bank lies a child- no more than eight years old. Their eyes are wide and glazed over, bulging from their head. Foam is at the corners of their mouth. The girl pauses. Children aren’t killed for no reason; this one at least looks to have fought back, with how disheveled and wrinkled their beige shirt is. The girl kneels next to the young boy, and her face pinches. She brushes back his brown hair to find two distinct nubs, which if he were to live, would have become a set of antlers not too dissimilar from her own.

Setting the bucket down, she uses her newly free hand to close the boy’s eyes. He was like her. That was why he died, she knows. Her own survival was merely luck, even with her mother refusing to kill her when she was younger. She’d learned when she heard the tale of Salonia and Fulvia, sisters afflicted with the same condition she was born into. Salonia was the more successful of the two, a bold and cunning merchant who always got the best prices and the rarest goods. She had a violent streak as well, befriending thieves and the most battle-hungry guards. Fulvia was lazy, and hoarded precious stones and metals. Because of her hoarding, her wealthy family had little to barter with. She almost single-handedly halted the economy of Ecrana. However, in the end, Salonia proved too violent to be left alive after killing her parents, and Fulvia so possessive and bitter she too had to be killed for not relinquishing a single item in her hoard, no matter how small.

There were countless other tales where people like them were villainous and nothing more, the girl thought as she began digging a hole with her bare hands next to the corpse of the child. Tales like those meant that people like her and the boy had to go. Had to let the other people live in peace, while they were branded anybrids and killed or exiled, in the best case scenario. But exiled though she was, as she dug she remembered her mother, with her blonde hair and proud smile when she greeted her after she’d caught a rabbit. The girl remembers her name, Aurelia, sounding sweeter than birdsong when her mother said it- the one person who had thought to stay with her.

After a few hours, there’s enough room for a shallow grave, and Aurelia drags the boy into the grave before pushing dirt over the tiny body. There’s a pause before she gets up. The birds sing the same songs, not caring about or maybe not noticing the tragedy of a life cut short. When Aurelia stands, she brushes the dirt from her legs and wipes her hands on the nearest tree, staining the bark with mud. Flecks of fragile pieces of bark and stubborn pieces of mud dot her hands, so she lets her shoulders fall as she walks over and dips her hands in the creek. The water feels heavy on her hands, sharp in its coldness and ever so slimy as it runs over her hands like a large smooth tongue.

She wipes her hands on her plain shirt, careful to avoid the patches of dried animal fur she’d used to repair holes that were torn into it. The air leeches the heat from her skin where she’d touched the water. She picks up her bucket and dips it into the water before heading back the way she came. That night, in her makeshift bed, a pile of animal furs, she wishes she could say “goodnight” to her mother one last time. That she could look her in the eyes, and thank her for sparing her life before she’d realized the value such a thing had. The crickets sing, just as unaware as the birds.

[memoirs-of-a-petty-bitch]

A Letter To My First Love:

You were a tornado, you sucked me in and spit me back out like I was the problem. I was unprepared for you to tear through me, rip my heart out and hold it in your hand... for three years. I endured the abuse you put me through, because I was afraid of you. I didn’t have anyone who believed me, they all said ‘he lives in xyz what’s the worst that can happen’ when I asked for help. They didn’t believe me when I said that something wasn’t right.  Things started badly, with lies--you and I both lied that day. It seemed so harmless, I trusted you so much from the moment I met you and I don’t know why. Truthfully, it wasn’t all bad. I can’t lie about that... some of the memories with you were so amazing that they keep me up at night. They haunt me like the ghost of your hands on my body every time I wake up in the morning. I was so afraid of you that I would do anything you told me, terrified of the consequences of letting you down. I spent three years of my life listening to you berate me, call me a whore and a cheater... some of the things you did to me were so bad that I cannot even begin to explain what they did to me.  But, this letter is about you, right? I should take the attention off of myself for a minute. You thought you were so damn cool, but the only thing I ever saw you do in three years was opiates. You lived in your mothers house, while your group of friends runs around like a bunch of little minions worshipping you. I hated the way you picked on them when you thought something they did was lame. You always wanted to come off as the superior one. What was it you use to stress to me... oh right, moral high ground. Anyway, You were the kind of guy that claimed all these girls were after you, but honestly I’m not so sure. While we are on the topic fuck you for making me listen to you have sex with some old hag you met at the bar, it was the highlight of my teenage years. I believe you said ‘I warned you this would happen if you didn’t stop being a little slut’ to me, just before she got there. Yeah, I still remember.  I hated the fact that even when you were wrong, you wouldn’t accept it. You acted like some kind of unmovable force, and in my fear shattered brain... you were. I believed every threat you ever made, even if they were empty. I believed every time you claimed to overdose and kept me up all night every night you possibly could when I had school the next day. I agreed with you when you said ‘maybe you should stop taking to xyz’ and didn’t even think twice about it. You made me send a horribly degrading message to a long time friend because of an accidental 8 second phone call at 3 am (mind you the caller is from a different time zone) that had only been answered because of your ‘skype has to be on auto-answer at all times’ rule.  But lets not talk about the fact that you secluded me, made me feel I couldn’t trust anyone or anything. Let’s just ignore the fact that I wake up with a chill down my spine when I dream of you. Let’s forget that you made me keep you on a call 24/7 so that you could ‘ensure I wasn’t being a slut’. I guess we should completely bypass the web of lies you weaved, starting from the day you uttered 21, to the day you said ‘you’ll never get away’.  I did get away. I out-smarted you, gathered all of my self control and said enough. It took time to fully execute the plan, but I knew the exact moment that it was really over. The first time I told myself you’ll never shed another tear about this. Ever. I lied, yeah, I cry over what happened a lot. But I don’t cry over you. I never will again. 

To you, the man who ruined my childhood.  -Cicely Aurelia 

[thefirstcourtesan]

Is Blood Heir a book or a game to play?

A book! It is a sequel of one of my all time favorite Book series, the Kate Daniels series. The Kate series is set in a post-apolyptic world where magic and technology vie for control and leave chaos in their wake. Kate is a mercenary who starts out as someone only out for herself (and hiding a massive secret) and ends up becoming a leader, a mother, the kind of friend who will always have your back. She also ends up the mate of a sexy, pain-in-the-ass, alpha were-lion. You know how I said, I rarely read shifter books? This is an exception because the romance between Kate and Curran is something special. There are 10 books in the main series plus a few spin-off stories narrated by other characters (all of whom are amazing) and the world is very rich and weaves in a lot of mythology. Blood Heir takes place a deacade after the original series ends and features Kate’s adoptive daughter, Julie, as she returns home with a new face, a new name, a new magic to try and save the people she loves, without them ever knowing and I am so psyched for it.

This is from the book blurb: “Eight years ago, Julie Lennart left Atlanta to find out who she was. Now she’s back with a new face, a new magic, and a new name—Aurelia Ryder—drawn by the urgent need to protect the family she left behind. An ancient power is stalking her adopted mother, Kate Daniels, an enemy unlike any other, and a string of horrifying murders is its opening gambit. If Aurelia’s true identity is discovered, those closest to her will die. So her plan is simple: get in, solve the murders, prevent the prophecy from being fulfilled, and get out without being recognized. She expected danger, but she never anticipated that the only man she'd ever loved could threaten everything. One small misstep could lead to disaster. But for Aurelia, facing disaster is easy; it’s relationships that are hard.”

If you haven’t read the Kate Daniels books, you should. They are sooo good and the characters are so rich. I am really looking forward to this particular story because I love Julie and I am eager to see the character she grew into. I also loved Ascanio and Derek and I know they both have big roles in this story, two other characters who will now have finished growing and come into their own. And I am looking forward to the romance in this book and seeing how it plays out.

[homenum-revelio-hq]

Welcome (again) to the Order of the Phoenix, Gracie!

You have been accepted for the role of ALICE LONGBOTTOM! We really enjoyed your application for Alice! We loved the personality section and the discussion of Alice’s worldview weaved throughout. Definitely looking forward to see how her black-and-white thinking will play out in the Order! 

Please take a look at the new member checklist and send in your account within 24 hours! Thank you for joining the fight against Voldemort!

OUT OF CHARACTER:

NAME: Gracie

AGE: 21

TIMEZONE: EST

ACTIVITY LEVEL: I’m in my fourth year of college, and I’ve managed to be a part of tumblr rpgs my entire college career, so I’m quite good at balancing my IRL responsibilities with managing replies and all the fun stuff. If I had to put it on a scale of 1-10, probably like a 7, 7.5. I usually know well enough in advance when I’m going to have some tough schedules so I can work around it or ask for a brief hiatus.

ANYTHING ELSE: No triggers or squicks to note, but I’ll let you know if that changes.

CHARACTER DETAILS:

NAME: Alice Aurelia Longbottom (née Edgecombe)

AGE: 33

GENDER, PRONOUNS, and SEXUALITY: Female, She/Her, heterosexual

BLOOD STATUS: Pureblood

HOUSE ALUMNI: Slytherin

ANY CHANGES: Nope! Love everything! <3

CHARACTER BACKGROUND:

PERSONALITY:

There’s something interesting about being caught in the middle. It forces a person to think, rather than to just pass by.

That’s where the Edgecombe family had always been. Not quite so lofty as to be a part of the Sacred 28, but still, a perfectly respectable pureblooded family. They never really stood out. That was, until Alice.

         Unlike her older brother Frederick (or Freddie to his friends), Alice was always quick to question something. Why was the sky blue? Why was her name Alice? Why could they perform such amazing acts of magic, while muggles lived their whole lives without it? She could always be found digging through her father’s study for the answers or climbing to the tallest tree or digging up the garden to see if she could figure out some of the answers for herself.  

         In school, she had a bit of a reputation as a know-it-all. But not your typical know-it-all. She never insisted on interjecting into every class, every conversation; No, no Alice wasn’t at all like that. It wasn’t that she talked very much. Alice would only speak when she had something to say. She was very quick to correct you if she thought you were wrong and could verbally cite all the reasons why. Needless to say, this didn’t help her make any friends. If someone asked her a question, she almost always had the answer and then some. If she didn’t have the answer for you, you could rest assured that after an evening in the library, she’d basically be an expert on it and could tell you just about anything you’d want to know. The thirst for knowledge was relentless. She wanted so desperately to understand everything, and whatever Alice wanted, Alice would get.

Alice is a perfect balance of soft and tough. She’s like the soft beauty of fresh snowfall mixed with the sharp bite that whips in the winter wind. Being raised as the proper daughter of a pureblood family, she could play the part of the polite, soft spoken, and quite witch. However, she never bothered to hide the wit and charm that crackled in everything she did and said. She’s poised, and at times quite cunning, but never, never cruel or harsh. She’s quite captivating, though she never wants to be the center of attention. At her core, she’s kind, and she’s sturdy. She’s also stubborn as anything. As such, it’s very difficult getting through to her when she believes something.

Her world view is one of black and white. There aren’t any shades of grey. There is only right and wrong. In Alice’s mind, the laws are there to protect everyone- to keep everything and everyone in the right. By breaking the laws- even bending it, could spell out something disastrous. Her world view is why becoming an auror seemed like such a natural fit for her. She could make things right, and she could solve problems. She could see something wrong, look for the pieces of the puzzle and reassemble them to find the answer.

Alice is kind of like a pointillism picture. From up close, there’s nothing that seems to stand out. Just another dot on a canvas- one in a million. But upon further inspection, and a different perspective, she’s remarkable. She could be the center of attention, if she didn’t prefer to hide in plain sight. She liked being considered average. It drew less attention to her, and it made it even more satisfying to surprise people when their assumptions proved to be wrong.

But pictures aren’t always pretty.

The clever, calculated nature of the way her mind works means that some people tend to consider her cold, or unfeeling. The know-it-all wound up separating herself from pleasantries and conversation, as people never seemed to like to talk with her. Alice is incredibly blunt and doesn’t sugar coat things. Facts are facts, and there’s no point in making things seem like they aren’t all that bad when they are exactly as bad as they look. In this way, Alice is her own worst enemy. No matter how hard she tries to make friends, to get people close enough to her so that they might begin to understand her, she says something harsh, or doesn’t let emotions influence her response. Then it’s just one more person who finds her completely intolerable.

There’s also the fact that she was in Slytherin. While being in Slytherin doesn’t automatically stain you with certain irredeemable qualities and brand you forever as a dark wizard, it does sometimes create situations where you’re surrounded by people who tend to agree with the sentiments of dark wizards. Being surrounded by these ideas for seven years of her life, hearing the whispers in the halls and the common room conversations, she learned to think like them. Part of these experiences are what helped her to the top of her field. The other part allowed her to work as they do- to be manipulative, to toy with people. These are aspects of herself that Alice hates the most and would love to see disappear. However, they are a part of who she is, and she will still slip into old habits from time to time when these undesirable qualities are called for in whatever task is at hand. And sometimes, even when they aren’t called for. Sometimes it’s just a subtle comment on something, but this controlling aspect of her will rear its ugly head from time to time.  

Alice is a force to be reckoned with. She knows what it is she wants, and she will get it. She knew she wanted to make her family proud. So, she did as she was told, sat straight, acted the proper lady. She still bites her tongue around them rather than tell them how she really feels. Once she knew she wanted to become an auror, to protect those who couldn’t protect themselves, she worked hard and got it. She wanted Frank, and she got him too… But now she’s not so sure he wants her too. He’s grown so distant.

BRIEF OVERVIEW OF FAMILY: 

Alice’s family isn’t exactly easy. Her mother, Cordelia, is the definition of a mother hen. Constantly fluffing and preening and just ever-so-slightly overbearing. It took years, and a muggle book from a Hogwarts friend, to realize that her mother is Mrs. Bennet from Pride and Prejudice- to a T. While she would probably never utter it allowed, Alice’s mother wanted desperately for her daughter to marry up in pureblood society. She was positively thrilled when Alice brought Frank home for dinner. But that’s not to say the woman doesn’t care about Alice. She’s incredibly proud of her daughter and her accomplishments. In polite society, she gushes endlessly about her Alice, the auror, who managed to snag THE Frank Longbottom.

         Alice is more like her father, Atticus, than anything. The man is quiet. While he doesn’t say much, his mind is always working, always playing some elaborate game of chess with the world, a game that he will inevitably win. He taught Alice to think before she speaks. To always have a plan, all the way from A to Z- just in case something was to go wrong. Alice was always much closer to him than to her father. He just seemed to understand her better than her mother. The clucking and fussing and frills were nice, but Alice needed time away from all that noise to function. She’d much rather be hiding in her father’s study, in silence but never alone. That’s not to say it was always quiet. The battles of wits between these two were legendary- it’s better to never bring up politics around them unless you’re willing to listen to a very well mannered, but absolutely scathing debate.

         Freddie had been her best friend and confidant growing up. She’d constantly pester her big brother for the answers to her innumerable questions that swirled around her head. He was always more of a “mama’s boy” though. Always looking to stay in the woman’s good graces and do as he was told.

         Now, it’s quite difficult. Cordelia and Atticus are both inclined to stay in the graces of pureblood society. Instead of speaking up, they bow their heads, turn a blind eye. To agree that perhaps Lord Voldemort isn’t all that bad and that everyone’s just blowing it out of proportion. Freddie, never one to question his parents, is following blindly along with them.  Alice is forced to watch silently as her family slowly aligns with something she views as truly, and irredeemably wrong.

OCCUPATION 

Alice is an auror. Alice is bright. She knows the spells to use, she knows the laws, the protocols to follow. But it’s not just that that makes her such an excellent fit for the job. The ability to think quickly, to solve the problem in front of her efficiently and effectively, was the key to her success. She had a clear mind in the face of danger, which helped to make her one of the best duelists in the business. She and Frank had been nearly unbeatable. But something is off with them, and it’s throwing off their dueling, and it’s throwing Alice off her whole work game.

ROLE WITHIN THE ORDER/THOUGHTS ABOUT THE ORDER:

         Alice is in the inner-circle of the Order. She was there to provide a level head and a ministry insight into what was going on politically. She’s there to try to keep everyone safe and protected. At first, the work she was doing with the Order was right. They were protecting the innocent and defenseless. But when things began to fall more and more into a legally grey area, Alice wasn’t so certain anymore.

She’s known who she is and what she stood for her whole life. To be questioning something now is ground shaking. Watching as the younger Order members are more inclined to cause chaos that increases the panic within the community rather than focus on quickly, quietly, and legally helping the others and slowly dismantling the forces that He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named is assembling is painful for her. She’s trying so desperately to show them that there’s a better way of doing things. A safer way, for everyone involved. But they don’t seem to want to listen.

Watching as Frank takes on more dangerous and legally questionable jobs from the Order has been causing a pit to form in her stomach. Not just because she adores him and would be inconsolable if anything were to ever happen to him, but also because the one thing she cares about most above all is beginning to exist on the fringe of the black area in her mind. In her world without a grey area, she’s not sure what she can do. She knows she won’t turn on him or expose him, but then, what is she supposed to do here?

SURVIVAL:

         The British “Stiff Upper Lip” defines how Alice gets by. Living in the Longbottom family house is a step up from the tiny Edgecombe household, and a very welcome change to the tiny London flat she’d holed up in after Hogwarts as she was getting her start at the Ministry. Having copious amounts of floo-powder in the house always makes the commute to work a breeze.

More eyes are on her now than when she was younger. Marrying up meant that people paid marginally more attention to her, even more so as a respected auror. She’s forced herself to be very careful. She never talks of the Order in public. At work, if the group is mentioned, she’s always the first to volunteer to investigate them. Better her than any of the other aurors. If it were anyone else, it was likely all their faces would be on the front page of the Daily Prophet, holding numbers across their chests and looking incredibly grim. Worse the end of her career, if she was discovered to be associated with the Order, it would almost definitely be certain death, now that so many of Lord Voldemort’s followers are also working in the Ministry. She can never be too careful with who she trusts.

RELATIONSHIPS:

         While it may not seem like it from the surface, Alice is holding on for dear life with Frank. They’d always been a team in her mind. The two of them against the world. But now he won’t talk to her. He’s been distant, and she barely recognizes him some days. The man she’d married isn’t who’s sleeping beside her anymore, and she isn’t sure where he went, or what she must do in order to bring him back. It’s not as though she can talk to her family or work friends about the problem without exposing the Longbottom’s dirty little (illegal) secret to the entire wizarding world. She can’t talk to anyone about it. She can’t talk to Frank about it. Her parents cannot know that she’s part of the Order, or else they could be in serious trouble. Not that she’d even like to imagine it, but she knows there’s a chance that they could turn on her and turn her in or inform someone in Voldemort’s ranks of just what the Longbottom’s are up to. She can’t talk about it at work or risk exposing herself as a member of the Order. Alice is a cauldron of stress that is at risk of bubbling over. She needs a shoulder to cry on, or at least someone to vent to. Otherwise, Alice is going to explode.

         Caradoc Dearborn is clever. He’s got a good head on his shoulders. He knows how to think, and not just blindly stumble into things firing spells left and right. He’s one of the reasons that she still has faith in the Order and what it’s doing, and why she hasn’t withdrawn. She hopes he can help direct to Order into doing what’s best for the entire wizarding community, without making a muck of every law and statute the wizarding world lives by. She can’t imagine what it’s like to lose a parent, and she’s sort of taken him under her wing as a younger sibling of sorts.

         Mary MacDonald stresses Alice out more than anything. The girl’s completely all over the map. She flickers back and forth between what’s right and what’s wrong in Alice’s view like a light bulb on the fritz. It doesn’t make sense to her that one person can change her opinion on something a million times in a minute. In Alice’s mind, maybe the girl changes her mind so much because she isn’t sure what she believes. Or worse yet, she knows what she believes, and she’s trying to take the whole Order down from the inside and take everyone along with it. She doesn’t trust her as far as she can throw her.

OOC EXPLORATION:

SHIPS/ANTI-SHIPS: Alice x Frank, Alice x Chemistry

WHAT PRIVILEGES AND BIASES DOES YOUR CHARACTER HAVE? 

         Alice is very privileged. A pureblood witch who married into another pureblood family? A respectable Ministry job? That’s as good as it gets, as far as some in their community are concerned. But she’s never been one to judge. In school, she enjoyed seeing the other half of the world. She’d trade books and music with muggle-born students, read as much as she could about everything- vampires, werewolves, shape shifters- everything. The unquenchable thirst to know all that there was out there provided her with the facts. But the facts, she’s beginning to find, are often different than the reality.

The underlying prejudice with her still exists, as much as she tries to fight it. She listens to her family and questions whether they always thought that way. Whether or not she used to agree with them. She can’t recall, and she hopes it wasn’t so. But sometimes, watching as these youths who think they’re changing the world by tearing it apart… She wonders just where they learned to think this way. Are they muggle ideas? I want her to try and better understand the struggles that others who aren’t nearly as privileged as her face daily. To try and understand why some are, in her mind, so intent on blowing things up and starting again. To understand their struggle, so that maybe Alice can learn to think beyond what’s black and white in the eyes of the law, and instead see what’s morally and ethically the right thing to do. Perhaps this ability to better understand may help her to realize where her loyalties should truly lie in this war.

WHAT ARE YOU MOST LOOKING FORWARD TO?

Literally, everything. Alice Longbottom has always been my favorite of the Marauders era characters, as I feel like she can be interpreted a plethora of different ways, and I think that this interpretation of her may just be my favorite yet.

PLOT DROP IDEAS: Maybe an inspection of ministry workers, or something that could poke at whether they’re involved in anything suspicious? Or a raid on Diagon Alley.

ANYTHING ELSE? Nope! <3 Mischief Managed!

[osoba99publiczna]

Emma Thompson offers her view on why people are still so invested in Love Actually

The inspiration

Curtis has guaranteed that it was watching friends and family rejoining at Remiss that previously propelled him to compose Love Really - and a couple of the lighthearted comedy's best-cherished scenes likewise pull from life. Peter (Chiwetel Ejiofor) and Juliet's (Keira Knightley) wedding gestures to the burial service of the maker of the Muppets, Jim Henson, which Curtis went to at St Paul's Church building. He makes sense of in the film's discourse track: "It worked out that every one of the folks in the remembrance administration had carried their manikins with them, and they lifted them up, and when you turned around and looked in reverse, there were 50 manikins generally singing… It was something phenomenal. So this was our little wound at that." Later in the film, Imprint's (Andrew Lincoln) well known statement of affection for Juliet follows the sheets in Weave Dylan's video for 'Underground Yearning to go home Blues'. Curtis clearly put together the personality of Imprint with respect to himself - composing five distinct adaptations of the scene to get it great.

The casting

Curtis generally expected for Hugh Award and Emma Thompson to play the state leader and his sister, and he really composed the piece of Natalie for Martine McCutcheon subsequent to considering her to be Tiffany Mitchell in EastEnders. Different jobs were less direct to project, in any case. Daniel's (Liam Neeson) love interest was intended to a like a be played by an entertainer supermodel, yet when none of the ones who tried out were very correct, Curtis wound up requesting that Claudia Schiffer step in. Also, he composed written by hand letters to Americans Laura Linney, Billy Weave Thornton and Denise Richards to request that they think about taking on parts. Likewise significant: Curtis kept the projecting locked down at whatever point he could. His girl with spouse Emma Freud shows up as the second lobster in the Nativity, while the shrewd man with the Bug Man face paint is the couple's child. Concerning the maid at Bringing down Road? She's played by Freud's mom.

The names

Broadly, every Curtis film incorporates a surly person named Bernard for a particular explanation: Conservative MP Bernard Jenkin took Curtis' better half at college. David Haig plays a lovelorn Bernard in Four Weddings and a Burial service; Hugh Bonneville is poor Bernie in Notting Slope; and Dominic McHale shows up as relative Bernard in Bridget Jones' Journal, who goes to the dropped tarts and vicars party dressed as an ecclesiastical overseer. In Affection Really, Bernard is Emma Thompson's "appalling" child with Alan Rickman. Curtis additionally deliberately named Colin Firth's personality Jamie after his own sibling, just so the children could say "I disdain Uncle Jamie!"

The areas

The film was taken shots at various notable London areas. Charge Nighy recorded 'Christmas Is All over' at Nunnery Street Studios, while the opening and shutting scenes were shot with stowed away cameras at Heathrow Air terminal. (Indeed, those are genuine explorers in the introduction.) Concerning Rowan Atkinson's splendid appearance as a present covering, it was shot in Selfridges at 12 PM - and was initially composed with Atkinson as a Christmas holy messenger, purposely moving gradually to attempt to forestall Harry (Alan Rickman) from taking part in an extramarital entanglements. Another great truth: the lake that Jamie (Colin Firth) and Aurelia (Lúcia Moniz) plunge into was only 18 inches down and loaded up with mosquitos. The main spot that was thoroughly untouchable to cameras? 10 Bringing down Road. Curtis and his creation originator Jim Dirt were just given a vigorously directed visit through the home - reproducing the insides from memory at Shepperton Studios.

The music

Curtis' #1 scene in Affection Really has a melodic component: Karen (Emma Thompson) crying to Joni Mitchell's "The two Sides Presently" in the wake of acknowledging Harry (Alan Rickman) is engaging in extramarital relations. Thompson quite ad libbed the crying - taking motivation from the aggravation she felt after her previous spouse Kenneth Branagh left her for Helena Bonham Carter. On a lighter note, Hugh Award's well known dance scene in 10 Bringing down Road was initially set to a Jackson 5 track - however was changed to The Pointer Sisters' "Hop (For My Affection)" at Award's solicitation. With respect to the Nativity execution, Thomas Brodie-Sangster needed to gain proficiency with the drums as far as it matters for him as Sam. Olivia Olson, then again, was excessively artistically capable for her job as Sam's affection interest Joanna. The creation had saved two days for her to record 'All I Need For Christmas Is You', yet she nailed it in a solitary take - to the degree that Curtis really had her re-try it to sound less wonderful in the event that watchers thought it was phony. Stay informed and stay connected with us for the latest headlines Read the full article

[thefairefolk-rp]

Edmund Quince | FC: Avan Jogia | TAKEN

Age: 360 Species: Hob Faerie Court: Seelie Court Occupation: Royal Composer Gender: Cis Man Pronouns: He/Him

Appearance

Being Queen Mab’s personal composer, Edmund must always look clean and presentable. His long hair falls in seemingly effortless waves, the many oils and moisturizers favored by fae nobility doing wonders for his once dry and unruly hair. He is still unused to the fine clothing he has been given, never appearing completely comfortable in them. Whoever chose his clothes was a fan of far more gaudy clothes than he’s used to. He is embarrassed by the frills and bright colors of the garments, feeling ridiculous in them. Edmund yearns for the loose linen pants and cotton shirts he wore for most of his life.

There is something musical about the way Edmund speaks well, his words poetically strung together. Despite his lack of education he is eloquent. His voice is soft and melodic, something musical about the gentle lilt of his words. The less comfortable he is in a situation, the quieter his voice becomes. When nervous or uncomfortable he stammers, unsure of his words. He has a shy smile.

Personality

Edmund has a vast imagination, much of his time spent daydreaming. He has a love for fiction books, enthralled by the myths and stories he finds in the royal library. He weaves the products of his imagination into the songs he writes. He likes to make up songs on the spot, at times singing instead of speaking. The young faerie is extremely talented, his skill for composing surpassing even his predecessor. Music is therapeutic for him, the faerie most at ease when playing or composing. He is reserved and quiet. But, when made to feel comfortable he proves to be thoughtful and curious about the world around him. Edmund is sensitive, empathetic and easily affected by insults and unkindness. He quickly grows uncomfortable with compliments.  Despite his good fortune, Edmund at times feels lonely, now waited on by those he once broke bread with and always aware of his humble background when in the presence of the rich and powerful.

Background

Edmund was merely a stable boy in Anvali Castle, the Seelie Queen’s castle. He was brought to work in the castle from an orphanage at a young age. He was allowed to sleep in a small room above the stables in a bed stuffed with straw and eat the leftover scraps from the castle kitchens. As years passed he began to be familiar with the various castle servants. They became the closest thing he had ever had to family. They encouraged the boy’s innate music talent, his prized possession becoming a small pan flute he kept in his pocket. He grew quite skilled with the instrument, moving on to learn the lute. He would often practice alone in the stables. One morning Queen Mab decided to take a morning ride in the forest, coming upon Edmund playing the lute. Impressed by the boys skill and beautiful singing voice, she made him play the song for her and was shocked to learn he had written it himself. Taking a liking to the boy, she provided him with music lessons from her royal composer. When the elderly faerie died, Edmund, his protege, took his place.

Things have moved quickly for Edmund in the following years, his rise in social rank at times leaving him overwhelmed. Edmund is still unused to the lavishness and preening of the upper class. The young faerie lives in a sleeping chamber in the castle provided by the Queen. He writes and composes a majority of the music played at Queen Mab’s parties and ceremonies at court, and sometimes takes outside commissions. When he can, Edmund escapes the confines of the castle, preferring to wind down away from the bustle of castle life.

Relationships

Friend of Aurelia Moor